#But yeah!!! I may have been loose with some lore but who cares!!

[im-fucking-baalin]

Tell me . More about your cult of the lamb au :3

I'm specifically curious about the idea that lamb could have been a priest of a religion based around a warped version of Narinder (you could say... a cult)

How did they warp his image? Does he know about it? How long has the religion been around- does it dissappear when the lamb is sacrificed? Grrrr I am so curious!!!

RAHHHH ITS 5AM THE PERFECT TIME TO ANSWER THIS OF COURSE !!!

ok first of all, english is not my first language so if theres something you didnt quite understand lmk pls 🤝

sooo,,, an incredibly long explanation is incoming!

im gonna be honest, this all originated from A Single™️ line that Shamura said in-game. This One:

"The lamb is, after all, the sacrificial beast. Bred to slaughter"

Since the first time i read it, it kept lingering in my mind because, wdym.

In my own madness, that lines existence means that, even before the lamb genocide happened, the bishops considered lambs as some kind of free soul resource they could use for sacrifice with no repercussions. And thanks to that, ive been constantly in a state of Making Things Up In My Mind Until Shit Starts To Make Sense.

And heres where, basically everything comes into play. The lambs were Narinders cult, to some extent. They were assigned to him, courtesy of his siblings, to be literally the pastor of them, yknow, protecting them and guiding them until the time to be sacrificed came. However, those sacrifices were never for him. Those were for the rest of the bishops.

Let me explain! One thing i LOVE with what the community has done in COTLs lore understanding is the way we see the crowns powers. like HELL YEAH they are NOT a single concept they EMBRACE the whole spectrum of said concept! Including everything that may be considered "good" and "bad"!!!

AND NOW, the important thing with this,,,,

In-game, after indoctrinating the bishops into your cult, and completing each individual quest for them, they kind of tell you where they got their crowns? the version of the game ive been playing is the spanish one, and honestly i hadnt read those same dialogues in english to see if they actually translated them faithfully, but oh well!

Thats what i got from it; with the four telling you how they were basically normal creatures before finding the crowns. mind you, finding

We are talking about a culture in wich gods were kind of the basic population, maybe in the timespan before that weird "war" happened; youd think they would be more careful with those things no? Exactly!

The bishops werent properly crowned!!! :000

THIS MEANS, in my mind, that they had absolute zero knowledge of what those crowns fully embrace!!

This, also, is where i have a loose knot, for i still hadnt come to a reasonable explanation on how Narinder got his, for he seems to be the only one who wasnt a crawling creature before the crown, possibly meaning he WAS properly crowned. ill work more on this in the future :P

SO, before i start expanding waaaay more, this is where i wanted to get to, but itll be on giant general terms that i promise ill explain with more detail in the future:

the bishops didn't believe in death having some kind of spectrum to it, one that they used on their own personal gain, receiving offerings and such in exchange of "good things". As a result, they kind of excluded him, in a not so catastrophic way like you might think, but rather in a "your domain is of no use to us" kind of way.

This was a result of Shamuras doing, for they were the only bishop who got to understand what a crown entails, knowledge being in their domain after all

(as a little side note, i FUCKING LOVE what this implies. Yknow? that the contrary of war is not peace but rather knowledge, because the more informed you are the more able to see what kind of shit youre doing, yet also functioning as the greatest weapon to use in the field IS PEAK TO ME)

What Shamura was trying to do was protect him. They were very afraid of him, and in trying to make that fear go away, they decided to kind of "keep" the truth away. This resulted in him never exploiting his full domain, wich then led to ppl believing that praying to death was basically useless, unless you did it to get consolation, wich meant there were no offerings or sacrifices in his name.

Now, as the pastor of the lambs Narinder hated the way the other bishops treated them. The lambs were kept in some kind of village, from where they, whenever they wanted, could choose any lamb and make Narinder sacrifice them in their name. Even kids!

Well, after this half-assed explanation bc i didnt want to make it way longer, here comes the actual answer to your question! (sorry!)

the religion started the moment the lambs managed to escape the place they were kept in. the situation that led to this, was the same one that sparked the conflict between siblings: a resurrection.

even if Narinder was their patron god, the lambs never had contact with him until the time to sacrifice came. here youre gonna meet ellen! shes a missing link i had to write into the story for it to make more sense. she is, also, the culprit for that religion to exist!

Basically, that day they had sacrificed her lover. they were planning to escape that night, but sadly they had no chance on knowing who was to be chosed for slaughter next. instead of praying to their god, she insulted him, with such a burning passion, Narinder knew this was his opportunity.

he made a deal with her. he would revive her lover, and in exchange she would leave and never tell anyone what happened. the only gain Narinder was going to have with this was the knowledge that he could actually revive ppl, so it was a total win-win.

ellen, however, saw this as death being the kindest god to ever exist, and she felt incredibly lucky, for she was the first and only to ever be offered this.

we all know how this went, though. the ritual was interrupted by the bishops, they started arguing, Narinder did what he did etc etc

she escaped, alongside her whole village, and decided to mask her selfish act with sermons about how Narinder sacrificed himself so they could live better lives, and how he had choose her to be the carrier of his word. it was all made up ofc.

so, for a millenia, the lambs were worshipping an incredibly distorted version of Narinder. They didnt even get his name, nor his title. They only knew him as death. This also meant Narinder never got to know about this. As far as his knowledge go, the lambs may all had been sacrificed without any regulation in the next coming days after his imprisonment. None on his name, tho

fast forward and we get to Lambert! theyre the last priest to this religion, both figuratively and literally

the way priests and priestesses (?) work in here is something that in on itself deserve its own post, but on general terms:

in catholicism the priest is a person who got religious preparation to serve god and spread His word. they are meant to be chaste, kind, and just. they are also meant to be "served", to some extent.

in here, priests are more like the leaders of the lamb population, replacing Narinders role back in the day. they were all following a rule that only female direct descendants from ellen could get that title which OF COURSE MEANS IT WAS A TRANS DOMINATED FIELD LETS FUCKING GO (projecting much? LMAOOO)

so, yeah! they guide and serve! so imagine Lamberts pain after the bishops kill not only their family, but their Whole Fucking Species in front of their eyes!!! lads flabbergasted!!!!

and thats it! thats how they got a distorted version of Narinder for worship. No, he had no idea that both the lambs were still alive and that they had been worshipping him in a completely different way than intended. and yes! the religion did disappear once lambert got sacrificed! but to explain what actually happened there i need to make another pointlessly big paragraph and honestly i think i already abused my yapping rights for today!

i promise, all these concepts WILL be treated at their own pace, but it may take time for me to develop them nicely!

if you, however, fancy keep asking questions for me to go apeshit at them, PLEASE PLASE PLEASE DO SO!!!!!!

MAN THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK YOU MADE MY WHOLE WEEK!!!! you asked about the EXACT point ive been DYING to expand more on THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!

[oldworldwidgets]

i have been THINKING about miss ginny lately especially since the new 76 update dropped, so heres a lil doodle my friend did of her!!! + her if she was a worm on a string, of course, and some in-game screenshots.

i am also using this as an opportunity to dump some lore under the cut :3 its a lot of words so prepare urself

ginny lore be upon ye:

Her full name is Virginia May Adler, but you can just call her Ginny. She's a 25ish (who's counting?) Appalachia native. Though she grew up in the Toxic Valley after she and her dad left the Vault, she now resides at her cozy camp in The Mire. She uses big guns, is covered in scars from all her forays into garbage dumps, and loves stuffed animals and Nuka-Cola Quantum more than most things.

Ginny is very bubbly and smiley. Human embodiment of :D. She’s the type of person that smiles at other people the very moment she sees them, just out of instinct. Seriously, she’s smiled at more Blood Eagles than she can count, and not because she can’t count very high. She can (INT 15 mf). Don’t worry – despite his hatred for the Eagles, Beckett still thinks it’s sweet.

Yeah, yeah, she’s dating her bartender. He moved right into her heart when he moved into her camp. He’s for sure very awkward about what he wants (her) and skirts the subject every time she brings it up, but she knows good and well by the way he settled himself into her camp (and the sweet things he says to her cat Krypto when he thinks she isn’t around) that he’s in this for the long haul. Plus, once they finally mow down the top-ranking Blood Eagles and save his brother from his otherwise-certain demise, he finally allows himself to open up to and fall for her.

She and Aries from Blue Ridge Caravan Company are inseparable. They met in Big Bend Tunnel. She and Beckett were hunting Blood Eagles, he was protecting his shipment from them. His dark, existential humor caught her attention immediately and, on the spot, he enlisted her into Blue Ridge.

She’s a scavver by trade, and a damn good one too. She picks up and stashes everything she sees, then determines its value only after she makes it home. She’s always excited and eager to buy, sell, and trade with anyone who asks, especially now that she's with Blue Ridge.

Since Beckett works the bar even when she’s away, he always catches word of the best weapons caches, armor drops, and any other rumors of note that might interest her. Only after a firm but loving warning and a promise that she’ll return to him before the street lights come on will he give her what she’s looking for. Oh, and the information too. WINK.

She’s also craaffttyyyyyy. She can make anything you could possibly need and more, just as long as she has some duct tape, a few loose screws, and a cartoon cloud of smoke.

She is terrified of heights. She also used to be terrified of animals, especially the ones with paws and claws as opposed to the ones with pincers, stingers, or poison glands. This changed after her dad came home with Krypto, her cat. She hated the thing at first, but when she lost her dad... Krypto was all she had left of him. Now, they can't live without each other.

She frankly does not care about radiation damage, diseases, mutations, etc at all. It’s inevitable in the life of a scavver. She’s probably had tetanus more times than she can count, but it’s never been a match for a disease cure or some brahmin milk. Plus, she kinda thinks it’s cool.

She used to be a natural blonde, but all the exposure to all the [gestures widely] in the wasteland (primarily radiation, but no one’s ever seen her in a gas mask or a hazmat suit – even in the ash heap region. The best she can do is pull her neck bandana over her nose when Beckett gives her his best sad eyes) eventually broke down all the melanin in her hair, leaving it white. Aside from all the junk that somehow always finds its way back in there, of course.

Beckett is the ONLY one that’s allowed to call her Gin and she only allows it because he’s a bartender. He also loooooves screaming “WEST VIRGIIIIINNNNNNNNIIAAAAA” to the tune of country roads (obviously) when he needs her attention and they’re not in the same vicinity, hence him sometimes calling her West Virginia.

After her long scavving or traveling days, Ginny likes to sit in Beckett’s lap on their front porch while he takes her hair down out of the updo of the day and picks out all the sticks and leaves. If a leaf falls from the tree above them, even if he has every opportunity to catch it before it lands in her almost-clean hair and ruins his hard work, he won’t. He'll do anything to keep her there just a little longer.

OKAY THANKS FOR READING LOVE U BYE

[myladym0rgue]

Burn With Me | GHOST AU

Papa Emeritus III x F!Reader

Cardinal Copia x F!Reader

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

WARNINGS: Religious symbolism, arranged marriage if you squint, allusions to sex, some chapters contain NSFW content but will be stated in warnings of said chapter.

DISCLAIMER: This loosely follows the lore of Ghost and is mostly just a story using Ghost characters. Characters written in a sexual nature are 18 years old and over. I have no ties to Ghost in any way and am writing this for fun. Enjoy! :)

Chapter Seven

You pace the long corridor outside the ballroom, staring down the large paintings of the Papa’s before lining the walls. The sick feeling in your stomach returns, and you stop in front of the one who was just replaced. Papa Emeritus the Second. He was popularly thought of to be a bitter unloving man, but you believe he’s entirely misunderstood. You once had an encounter with him in the gardens, where he was tending to the lilies. The gardens have always been the most beautiful when he takes the time to take care of them instead of the gardeners. “It’s not like I wanted to be Papa, it’s just something I had to do,” he says begrudgingly. “You’re born, you serve the church, and you die.” His words always stuck with you.

You don’t see much of him these days, barely even a passing glance. It makes you wonder if anyone else in the church feels that way. These Victorian-like rooms and the structure is all you know. You’re born in the church and immediately taken away from your family, never to see them again. Women are chosen to take care of groups of young children until they’re old enough to fend for themselves. It’s all preplanned. It makes you wonder if the new Papa is happy where he is.

��Hey, are you okay?” Your thoughts are cut off by Cardinal, who is slightly jogging over to you. “Hm? Yes, I’m okay. I just needed a moment without the loud music.” You wrap your arms around yourself, balancing on your heels. “Ah, I see.” He nods, and the silence is unbearably awkward. “Well! Uh- we should probably go back in. Sister wouldn’t be happy if she found us out here.” He puts his hand on your shoulder to guide you back. “Wait-” You hold yourself in place. “Sì?” He says, turning back to you. “Are you… happy?” You entwine your hands in front of you, feeling silly for even asking. “Of course!” You nod at his response. “I guess I should ask in a different way. Are you happy.. In the church?” His happy demeanor drops, and he gives you a concerned look. “This is my home, I can’t imagine it any other way.” He jokingly feels your forehead. “What’s wrong? Are you feeling alright?” He asks, and you laugh. “Yes, yes. Just curious, is all.” You look towards the door of the ballroom and sigh. “I really don’t want to go back in.” You look at him, and he nods in agreement. “I suppose we can stay out just a bit longer, yeah?” He smiles and holds out his hand. “May I have this dance?” He asks. You chuckle and grab his hand. He pulls you to his chest, swaying to the muted music from the ballroom. You rest your head on his shoulder, feeling peace for one moment. If we weren’t in the church, we would be able to be happy and together shamelessly. “I think I love you.” He says quietly. You pull your head back and look up at him. “I said- uh. I said I think I love you.” His head falls down in regret. “I probably shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.” He pulls away and rubs the back of his neck nervously. “We should probably go back-” He turns to walk back but you grab his hand. “C, it’s okay.” You rub your thumb over his knuckles. “I think I love you too.” He smiles sheepishly at your response, his cheeks flushing red. You walk closer to him, holding the sides of his face with your hands. You look at his lips and back at his eyes for approval, and he responds by closing the gap between you two. The kiss is the sweetest you two have ever shared, you feel like you’re floating. You pull away and hold him in a hug, closing your eyes as you rest your chin on his shoulder.

You see an unreadable figure watching you as you open them back up, quietly gasping and pulling away from Cardinal quickly. The figure quickly disappears back down the hall as Cardinal turns around. “What’s wrong?” He asks, extremely concerned. “Someone saw us, we need to go back now.” You say, panicked. You grab his hand and quickly pull him back towards the ballroom. You almost approach the door and look down at your hands, letting go before stopping in your tracks. “I’ll go in first, you go in a bit after, okay?” He frowns, nodding. “Okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Author’s Note: omgggg finally dude!!!! the last like 3 chapters were the ones that got deleted from my google doc and I could not find the motivation to rewrite them but i finally did it!! chapters should be more frequent since I can write chapters fresh now! much love!

Tag List: @secretfanficwrite @sirianisrock @dee-m0n1 @boreateo

[ceaseless-watchers-special-girl]

heheheheheh. it has been *chekcs watch* at least a week??? my excuse is. i have none

on with the comments!!

"You are not my child, and I am not your parent" *hamilton voice* CALL ME SON ONE MORE TIME

no fr tho i want more lore on calypso's relationship with her mother. and also the various people in her life who have contributed to her sadness. what's going on with you girl

"once I have run out of recordings, we are done" NOOOOO FRANNIE GIRLIE I NEED YOU PLS DON'T LEAVE

"My comms broke. I am trying to save creds for a new one." calypso starr wet cat big if true

"Old-Timers" what's this?? the council of junos??? /j

"BAIRD BREAKS INTO A BRIEF COUGHING FIT" baird sweetie what is up with your lungs. is there a way to fix it

"You aren't my parent. But I'm glad you're here" IF ONLY CALYPSO COULD GET TO THIS POINT WITH FRANNIE

"the Brat threw a rock at her" RAAAAAAH YOU THROW ROCK?? YOU THROW ROCK AT TALIA???? FUCK ON OUT OF HERE BRAT HOW DARE YOU

"Just because they apologized to her does not mean she owes them acceptance. And it doesn’t mean she has to tolerate them" iris spitting straight facts

"The manuals Hanataba left behind are hefty" ooooo hanataba lore. jay you are giving the people what they want. tpp s5 feels so rushed they've left loose ends that i really wanted to revisit, mainly brahma and hanataba, which i now get thanks to you, absolute godsend that you are <333

"Hank takes care of Talia and Mischa" MISCHA BACHINSKI MENTION SKIN IS WATERED CROPS ARE CLEARED

"I promise, I’m not going to die" baird. baird. i am taking you by the shoulders and staring intently into your eyes. don't fucking die

"Of course! Me and the rest of the galaxy are dying to know" FUCK YEAH BAIRD PICKIGN UP HIS MOTHER'S HABIT FOR DOCUMENTING THE EVENTS IN HIS LIFE AND THE EVENTS WHICH MIGHT IMPACT THE FUTURE SO THAT PEOPLE WILL KNOW THEY EXISTED SO THEY WON'T BE FORGOTTEN SO THEIR MEMORY WILL LIVE ON AND NEW KINSHASA WILL NEVER ERASE THEM *ahem* ok i'm normal about this now

when you said regis my first thought was "you mean nureyev's dog????"

"desperate people will do anything to save themselves or the ones they love" *sighs* yeah. yeah.

"I was young, dumb, and way in over my head" petition for every person to have the right to be young, dumb, and way in over their heads at some point in their lives

"We look back only to ensure we have not walked this path before." jay i don't remember the last time my breath genuinely caught in my chest in such a soft, fond way. how does baird know that sentence. where did he learn it. where did jet learn it. do you think nureyev heard it from jet, and he thought of brahma??? do you think he had his doubts about working with the aurinkos, but then he heard that line, and it reminded him of home????

"Charlie would want you to" ah, yes, the familiar feeling of "this character is over their own trauma but i'm not over this character's trauma." iris and baird may be able to talk about charlie normally. meanwhile i'm sitting over here with my heart seizing in my chest at the mere mention of his name

"Conversations usually start with a greeting. Maybe start there" hehehe characters can be a lil sassy. as a treat.

"So long as I’m around, I won’t let you fight battles on your own" they better not fucking lose each other

calypsooooo girlieeee "For a life that “is not all that interesting” it sounds pretty damn interesting" that literally sounds like you. spill the tea. what's going on in your brain

"The Galactic Civil War was still happening at the time of Peter Nureyev’s Revolutionary Stunt" i forgot about this. oh my god. i forgot those two things were happening at the same time. way to make nureyev's childhood Extra awful

"They served cake and brownies at school that day. I took mine home to share with my mom, but she threw them away without ever telling me why" serving cake and brownies to kids because the war ended and they won kinda. sucks. like. teaching kids that war is ok and winning it is a cause for celebration. disregarding the consequences for those who lost. also was calypso's mum originally outer rim??? or did she just oppose war in general?????

"Two years, not talking to Talia" what if i fucking cried

"I want to bash my head into the wall" girl no

"They’re parent enough to him without the title" ahem. ahEM *looks pointedly between frannie and calypso*

"I do not owe Frannie an apology. And likewise, I do not expect one from her. Even if I did I will not receive it" hm. well. that's. definitive

"FOLLOW UP: How old is Iris?" can we do some maths from the recording where iris first says they want baird to live past 40?? is iris 40-ish in that recording??? surely eevee and cyrus are like around their age

"Iris knew Eve and Cyrus before Baird was born" were they fremds??

"at least one person believes he built the Hanataba Clinic" i love the rogue little rumours that float around occasionally in these recordings. something about it feels so human to me

WAAAAAAAAAAAA. jay. i'm loving the baird and iris dynamic so much. and i am ADORING the little snippets of calypso we're getting in between, like jarchivist post-statement comments style. i'm torn between wanting to know more about her and wanting to see more of what baird and iris manage to build on brahma. i also wanna know if calypso contacts rita again hehehe

screaming crying throwing up this would be such a good podfic but i only have one voice and also need to go to bed—

Our Angel of Brahma, pt. xii

No thoughts, head empty. I need a nap. @ananxiousgenz @ceaseless-watchers-special-girl @the-private-eye @demonic-panini CW for: assault of disabled character (mentioned)

Ms. Starr,

I wanted to apologize for the way I treated you per our last discussion. You are right. You are not my child, and I am not your parent. Thank you for correcting me. 

In regards to helping you restore the comms: I will continue to help you, but once I have run out of recordings, we are done. I look forward to the article you will be writing but do not wish to associate with you any further. 

In regards to our last conversation: I am unable to reach you through your comms. Every time I call or message you I receive an error message. If you have blocked me, I ask that you unblock me to make necessary communication between us easier. If something else has happened to your comms, please let me know so I know to only communicate with you through emails. 

Best Wishes, Frannie. 

Dear Frannie,

My comms broke. I am trying to save creds for a new one. Please email me. 

-Calypso Starr

SOUND: COMMS BEEPS. RECORDING BEGINS. IRIS: Go on! Say it again! BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): (PROUDLY) This week on Brahma: after trying for nearly two years to prove the Rats are trustworthy enough, the Old-Timers have finally come around!  IRIS: More than that! I have supplies for the clinic again! BAIRD: We’re doing it! We’re doing it Iris!! SOUND: JUMPING AND FABRIC RUSTLING. BAIRD BREAKS INTO A BRIEF COUGHING FIT. IRIS(?) POUNDS THEIR BACK BEFORE LETTING OUT A SURPRISED YELP. IRIS: Oh! Oh! …Baird? BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): (RASPING) Shut up and let me have this. SOUND: FABRIC RUSTLING. BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): You aren't my parent. But I'm glad you're here. I'm glad– I'm glad that if there's anyone I got stuck with, it's you. IRIS: Oh… of course. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat for you. (A BEAT) And for whatever it's worth Baird, you've grown into a fine young man. BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): (SNIFFLING) Thanks… SOUND: FABRIC RUSTLING. IRIS: This does mean you have to talk to Talia now about this. You want to include her in creating a messaging system and using the Brats, it’s up to you to pitch the final sale. And you know she won’t be happy.  (BAIRD SNORTS) BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): Yeah, well, Talia’s never happy anymore. IRIS: Baird– for fucks sake, the Brat threw a rock at her! I would be pissed too.  BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): It happened two years ago! He apologized! They all did.  IRIS: Apology or not, she was still hurt by it. By them. Just because they apologized to her does not mean she owes them acceptance. And it doesn’t mean she has to tolerate them. Don't give me that look. You know I’m right and you just don’t want to admit it. BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): Fine, fine… who are you gonna pick to help run the clinic? IRIS: Whoever volunteers first, and if no one does, then I’ll take whatever I can get. It’s going to be a lot of information and reading that they’re going to have to digest. The manuals Hanataba left behind are hefty and it took me and Cyrus together to lift them on the tables. It’s going to take a long time before I’m comfortable leaving it to someone else to run.  BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): (SOFTLY) I understand. Really, I do. I’m not a little kid anymore. You have responsibilities to get back to finally. And if you gotta move back across town, that’s fine. I’ll be okay.  (A BEAT) IRIS: Come with me. You won’t be in the way, there’s plenty of Pests to wrangle all over the streets, and we could still go to the meetings together– BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): I can’t though. Josie takes care of the twins and Hank, Hank takes care of Talia and Mischa, and you and I take care of everyone. If you go, I have to stay.  IRIS: But– BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): You trust me and my decisions. You trust my judgment. I’ve grown into a fine man. IRIS: Young man, a fine young man.  BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): (A HINT OF A SMILE IN HIS VOICE) Yeah exactly. You trust me, so trust me with this. Trust yourself. If you go, I promise, I’m not going to die. IRIS: You better not, you still have another eleven years to go.  BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): So you’ll move? You’ll go? IRIS: I’ll– I’ll need to think about it. But it’s not a no.  (BAIRD HUMS) BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): How’d you and my dad even get involved in the Hanataba Clinic in the first place? IRIS: It’s kind of a long story. Put a pin in it for now and wait until we’re home, debriefed with the others, and had dinner, alright? BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): Fine. IRIS: I know you don’t see the harm in it, but the streets have ears. It’s dangerous out here.  BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): I know, I know… SOUND: COMMS BEEPS. RECORDING ENDS.

SOUND: COMMS BEEPS AGAIN. NEXT RECORDING BEGINS. IRIS: Really? You’re going to record me? BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): Of course! Me and the rest of the galaxy are dying to know: how did Iris Desrosiers come to work at a Hanataba Clinic? Why choose to work full-time in a Hanataba Clinic, when you don’t get paid for it?  (IRIS LAUGHS) IRIS: It’s not all that interesting. I needed a home after dropping out of university. I met Eve and Cyrus, and Cyrus introduced me to the clinician at the time, Mister Regis. Regis put me to the test, I passed, he passed away, and someone had to take over. The Revolutionaries were far and few apart. There was no organization back then. When Regis died, some people wanted to tear apart the Clinic. Strip down it down to its bones leaving nothing but the floorboards. In times of need, desperate people will do anything to save themselves or the ones they love. Including demolishing Hanataba’s Gift.  BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): But the clinic is still standing.  (VERY HOPEFUL) You convinced them otherwise. IRIS: I wish I could say that I did, but I didn’t. Your parents moved across town when Eve got her job as a Dome Warden. Cyrus kept coming back to help me fend people off from robbing the clinic. I was young, dumb, and way in over my head. Cyrus could hardly read the books so I spent a lot of time reading out loud to him.  Whenever someone got hurt, Cyrus would take them to me after doing an initial patch job. With a few years, I became part of the community. I established myself as a well versed caretaker. As someone who could be trusted to operate Hanataba’s Clinic. The thieving stopped. I was welcomed in the local Revolutionaries and, in turn after Cyrus did too much begging, they welcomed him too. (SHORT PAUSE) I’m sorry Baird. My work at the Hanataba Clinic gave me a place to stay. It gave me a community that looked out for me and became my family. And I ended up stealing Cyrus away from you and Eve.  BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): You know I don’t hold that against you anymore, right?  IRIS: I know. But– BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): Save it. We look back only to ensure we have not walked this path before. Not to bash one another over the head with our grievances. So stop your pity party.  (SHORT PAUSE INTERUPTTED BY IRIS SNORTING AND BREAKING INTO LAUGHTER) Don’t laugh at me! IRIS: I’m not laughing at you! I promise. I’m just thinking… how dumb I was to ever treat you like a child. I’ll take what you said to heart but you ought to do me a favor and take your own advice.  Charlie would want you to at least. And I bet if you started talking again to Talia she would too. BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): Ugh, don’t remind me about that. I don’t even know where to begin with her.  IRIS: Conversations usually start with a greeting. Maybe start there.  BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): And what do I do about Hank? IRIS: Leave him to me. We all wants best for each other. Josie and I can make him come around.  BAIRD (REVOLUTIONARY): Thanks, Iris… Thank you.  IRIS: Of course, Baird. So long as I’m around, I won’t let you fight battles on your own.  SOUND: COMMS BEEPS. RECORDING ENDS. 

Iris talk a lot about themself. For a life that “is not all that interesting” it sounds pretty damn interesting. 

The Galactic Civil War was still happening at the time of Peter Nureyev’s Revolutionary Stunt. Baird was 12 when that happened. I remember when the War ended, I was 13. They served cake and brownies at school that day. I took mine home to share with my mom, but she threw them away without ever telling me why. I think I know why you did that now. 

“Another eleven years to go” referring to Iris promising to get Baird to see past 40 (“Iris”)

FOLLOW UP: This puts Baird at about 29? 

“Decade”/”The Rats” at 27

Two years, not talking to Talia

“Hanataba” would put him at 29.

??????? I want to bash my head into the wall.

Baird and Talia stopped talking. At least some point in the last two years between this recording and the one prior (“The Rats”). 

Baird doesn’t call Iris his parent. I don’t think he needs to though. They’re parent enough to him without the title. 

“Conversations start with hello” / “Conversations start with a greeting” .... I do not owe Frannie an apology. And likewise, I do not expect one from her. Even if I did I will not receive it.

Questions:

How old was Baird when the Galactic War/Solar Intervention ended?

FOLLOW UP: How old is Iris? Eve and Cyrus? 

Iris knew Eve and Cyrus before Baird was born, what’s the story behind that?

Did Talia stop talking to Baird because he wanted to involve the Rats in the Revolution, even though they hurt her and Mischa?

Baird mentioned in the first recording "at least one person believes he built the Hanataba Clinic", where did this rumor come from? Perhaps the Rat that Iris ends up training?

[twsted-princess]

My brain has thoroughly rotten over @derelicthereticshipping and their s/i Alpha thus my rot compiled me to write a first meeting scenario thingy.

So let's just say through some hijinks Abigail managed to get out of Alpha's sight and decides to wander around, see the sights, you know be a curious kid. But the world of Rapture is big and kinda scary for a little girl. She ends up running into some drunken men who yell at her to scram. If she doesn't have anything better to do then go be a snot-nosed brat somewhere else! She's scared, where's Mr. B? These bad guys aren't going to hurt her right? But then a lady appears, bending down to Abby's height. She asks the teary-eyed Little Sister if she's lost. The girl nods shakily and says that she doesn't know where her daddy is. The lady smiles, taking a napkin up to dote the girl's eyes and tells her that she'll help her. Abigail looks at the lady. She doesn't seem like she'd hurt her...and she's going to help her find Mr. B. So the tiny child lets the lady hold her hand and walk along the dimmily lit streets. The lady asks her if she knows her father looks like. Abby thinks about it before saying that Daddy is tall! Like really tall!! The lady giggles warmly, saying that it won't be hard to find him if he's that tall! That makes Abigail laugh and squeeze her hand as the two walk. Abigail also tells her that her daddy always makes her feel safe, she starts to feel bad to leaving Mr. B all alone. The lady nods and pats her head softly. She tells her that surely her father will be very happy to see her safe but next time she should tell them before going somewhere. Abigail nods warmly back to her. It doesn't take long for Alpha to find them, especially since they were running around in a blind rampage trying to locate Abigail. The lady is shocked, what is that!? It can't be a huge Splicer is it!? She's ready to shield the little girl but not before Abigail smiles brightly. "Daddy!!!!" She cries, running towards them and hugging their leg. They were thrown off a little bit but everything happening. Abigail is ok but... who is this woman? Did she help Abigail? The lady was surprised just as them. So......this is the child's father? Well they are certainly tall.....and a little intimidating. Abby points to the lady, telling Alpha that this nice lady helped her!!! She made her feel safe!! Alpha looks at the lady before giving her a blunt nod in thanks for not hurting Abigail and for helping them. She lets out a tiny nervous squeak and nods back. Silently telling them to keep her safe. They then pick Abby back, placing her on her little carrier seat and walks away. Abigail waves at the lady saying her bye-byes, the lady giggles a little at the sight and waves back telling them to have a good day before heading back to her usual route. The three smile to themselves, hoping that the other lives to see another day.

[meteor752]

Dsmp Hogwarts AU, except it’s all the characters and I go into why they are what they are, please reblog this took a long ass time

Man, what a title Huh? Anyways, this will obviously go over the characters and not the content creators, because in some cases those are vastly different

Also, before we start, I will go over an important thing that I will mention probably a few times, and that is the difference between Hufflepuff Loyalty and Slytherin Loyalty.

Both of these houses value loyalty, but in very different ways. Take for example that you’re a spy who has their best friend as their partner, and you’re out on some super important mission. Let’s also say that your partner got shot and is close to death, and the only way to save them would be to abandon the mission entirely.

A Hufflepuff would try to complete the mission because it would be the best for all, while the Slytherin would abandon the mission despite the fact that it could result in countless deaths, just to save their friend.

See it as Selfish Loyalty vs Selfless loyalty. Both are great things to have, but are still different.

Anyways, on with the show

Tomathy Danger Kraken Careful Innit

I have seen people try to argue that this boy is a Hufflepuff because of his loyalty and such, but gosh darnit everyone this child is a god damn Gryffindor. I mean, one of his main character traits is that he’s brash and too brave for his own good. The reason he got fucking exiled is because he burned down George’s house without thinking of the consequences, and then just screamed at Dream without thinking of the consequences. The same goes for Ghostbur’s “death”, it was because he had no real plan except Stab Dream with an axe. So yeah, Gryffindor

Wilbur Soot

Slytherin, 100%. This man has created one and a half nation, one entirely out of spite, he was both a general and a president, he’s a smart lil fella, and he managed to hold his own against the god of the server. I don’t even thing you guys wanna argue with me here

Tuberculosis Underscore

This one is tricky, because it’s really between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw for me. Like, he does possess the Hufflepuff loyalty™ plus he is very kind, but he’s also one of the more logical and observant characters we have in this server (The bar is very low let me tell ya). But I think I will have to go with Ravenclaw, just because like, the boy invented nukes. He built fucking nukes. So yeah, a very chaotic Ravenclaw that will spout bee facts at you, be prepared

Technoblade

My man is a Ravenclaw, no doubt about it. I mean, he started talking about an old greek myth in the middle of a war? Just Ravenclaw things amiright?

Philza Minecraft

I will have to go with Slytherin on this one, simply because of the large amount of Slytherin Loyalty, but also because of his cunningness and resourcefulness, but for real this was very tricky, simply because I don’t like to think about c!Phil too much because as some of you may know, I kinda hate him (Not the cc though, obvs, he’s awesome)

Ranboo My Beloved

Hufflepuff. This boy’s ideology is literally “Choose people, not sides”, he’s an honest and compassionate boy who works hard, and has a very open mind. He’s literally the by the book Hufflepuff

Eret

Honestly, Slytherin. I mean, they are ambitious as fuck, both shown by them betraying L’Manburg for the throne, but also by working hard towards their redemption arc. They are also a good leader of the smp, and in general a great role model to have

Nikki Nihachu

This one is actually difficult, simply because Nikki has gone through quite the character arc the past couple of months. She started out kind, sweet and loyal, a classic Hufflepuff. Then she joined the syndicate and straight up tried to kill a child, which is less Hufflepuff but who am I to judge. But in her core, as seen through her discussion with Jack about Tommy’s revival, she is still a good person that works hard for what she believes in, wants the best for everyone (Despite sometimes working in her best self interest) remains kind through it all. So yeah, Nikki is a Hufflepuff, just a bit of a sadistic one. But we can’t all be perfect ya know?

Fun Jonathan Michael Vincent Georgina James Sus Dy Soot

Ah, my favorite character, and also one of the best examples of a Ravenclaw. And I ain’t saying that just cuz I’m a Ravenclaw, Fundy is one of the most Ravenclaw characters out there. He’s creative, Clever, Spontaneous, Witty, Curious, Sharp, and a real trickster. The idea of Ravenclaws being the goody two shoes kids that always does their school work is just false, we never do our Homework and instead sit and read about things we find interesting, and Fundy is a good example of that. Also he was quite the eager learner during the Dreamon Hunters arc, which again is a good example of a Ravenclaw. So if Ranboo is the by the book Hufflepuff, then Fundy is the by the book Ravenclaw.

Dreamwastaken

I’m pretty sure it’s confirmed that Dream is actually a Slytherin, and I ain’t arguing with that. This boy is cunning, sly, a leader, traditional, Self-Preserving, and a master with words. There is not much more to say here, apart from the fact that Slytherins main colour is literally green, so it all checks out, this boy is a snake.

George Lore

Mr not found over here really is hard to pinpoint down, simply because his main character trait is his apathy, which isn’t really a trait for any of the houses. I was discussing this one with my girlfriend, and both of us were pretty clueless of what to do with him. I was thinking if Hufflepuff since they take the ones that don’t fit anywhere else, but then I was reminded of the most recent Dream XD stream, which showed us one thing, and that is that George is clever, observant, and Sharp Minded, all the traits of a Ravenclaw. Sure, he could also be Slytherin as he was both cunning and sly as well, but I think Ravenclaw fits him more personally.

Sappitus Nappitus Boyhalo

Finally we have another Gryffindor, there’s been a serious lack of them on the list. My man is a fighter, he’s bold, he’s brave, he’s passionate, he’s confident, and he doesn’t really think that much of the consequences of his actions (Cough the pet war cough), so yeah this boy a lion.

Punz

Ah, Punzie, the mercenary themself. Tbh, I know very little about them because Punz don’t get involved that much in lore unless they are hired for something. I mean, they were in the eggpire, but even then they were barely involved, which is sad cuz I like Punz. But what we have seen of Punz is that they are someone who does not care about you or what you want, as long as you pay them. They are power hungry and self preserving, which means that I have to put them in Slytherin.

Jack Thunder1408 TV Manifold

The boy who I can’t help but be sympathetic towards. Jack is also a hard character to pin point because of the reason that he’s gone through quite the development. Jackie boy is a very broken character that has literally been through hell, so it’s hard to properly sort him. He’s quite confident and clever, yet cunning and resourceful, so for me it’s either Slytherin or Gryffindor. But I do lean towards Gryffindor more, partly because of his stubbornness and gullibility, and part because of all the fire imagery that’s associated with him. I mean, the cc described him as burning inside, he’s been through the scape of fire and death, and he burnt his nation to the ground. In case you didn’t know, Fire is the element of Gryffindor, so yeah, another red and gold boy.

JSchlatt

Schlatt is as both charming, charismatic and calm in the early days, using subtle manipulation tactics to get his way and achieve ultimate power. He’s ambitious, narcissistic, cunning, and tyrannical, while still hiding it all behind a facade of smiles and waves. He could also be both cruel and irresponsible at times, aka the time he had an underage child drink during an event, but ya know, mistakes. So all in all, I think it’s pretty clear that he’s a Snakey boy.

QuackityHQ

As much as I love CC!Quackity, I also fucking hate him because of the many, many different directions he’s taken this character which makes it possible for him to fit in literally any of the houses. The duckie is both Chaotic and lawful, he’s both friendly and hostile, he’s a smart cookie and a fucking dumbass, so like bruh. But, I’m gonna have to go with how he is now, which is manipulative, power hungry, cruel, and strong willed. Aka, another Slytherin.

Karl Jacobs

Finally, a character that is not broken down to the point of barely making out a readable personality. Karl is a kind and funny person, who is very open to new people considering how often he gives tours to visitors and new people, and he is quite literally loosing himself traveling through time in an attempt to help people. Hufflepuff

Awesamdude

This one I know will be controversial, but I’m saying Hufflepuff on him. Sam is one of the best cases of the Hufflepuff loyalty, literally letting both Tommy and Ghostbur be stuck and ultimately die in the prison just so he wouldn’t risk Dream breaking out. Before that point he was very kind and gentle towards Tommy, literally building a robot to keep him safe and take care of him. Sam nook is a reflection of Sam’s feelings towards Tommy, and they are kind and gentle.

Dropsbyponk

Ughhhh, another tough one. Ponk is a chaotic being who is mostly neutral in conflicts, but is shown to be very open about their feelings towards those they care about, like Sam or Foolish. They seem to be have strong feelings in what they believe in, and can be a bit brash sometimes, not really caring about the consequences of their actions, which is what makes me say Gryffindor for them.

Badboyhalo

Our favorite muffin demon. I assume, I don’t know what life you live. Anyways, Bad is like the stereotypical Hufflepuff. The kindhearted, well meaning, sweet, responsible Hufflepuff. The Hufflepuff that’s like in all of those incorrect quotes blogs and “Slytherin and Hufflepuff friendships uwu” posts. But for real, Bad is very Hufflepuff. He does however have Slytherin Loyalty, considering he pretty much sacrificed the entire server for Skeppy, but if you would try to convince me that Bad is a Slytherin I will just laugh at you

Skeppy

It was at this point I realized what I’ve gotten myself into with this post, which you know, not fun. Skeppy is both cocky and filled with energy, with a real ambition to cause chaos. He’s also shown to be willing to sacrifice himself for the person he loves, Bad, when he gave himself up to the egg. I’ve seen some people say Slytherin, but I’m kinda getting Gryffindor from the lad, so yeah, another lion.

Antfrost

Frosty here is a kind hearted person that for the most part seem to be along for the ride. He reminds me a bit of a parent of toddlers, with his patience and serenity towards the more chaotic people on the server, so of course my natural instinct is Hufflepuff. Buuuuut, then there’s again the issue with the egg and the Slytherin loyalty, this time towards his boyfriend Velvet who he was willing to join a cult for (relationship goals) but again, you can’t really say Ant is a Slytherin considering how wrecked he was about what he did while in the eggpire when he was released from it’s grasp. So yeah, Puffle boy

Captain Puffy

Oh captain my captain, you are such a Gryffindor. And some of you may disagree on that, stating that she’s a Hufflepuff or something (I did research before this to check what other people think, I know) but naaah, she a lion. Puffy is very motherly and protective towards other people on the server, especially the minors, but in the way that a Bear is protective towards its cub, which is gentle towards them but fierce towards others. Puffy also falls natural in the role of a leader as seen with Pro-Omelette, but that is kinda expected since she’s a past Pirate Captain. But she wasn’t the leader she was supposed to be, as she waited quite a while to act against the eggpire out of fear of hurting her friends, which lead to quite the damage towards the rest of the server. She’s also been shown to act on impulse, killing Antfrost and taking one of his lives after he killed her son. Idk if this is a good explanation of why I believe Puffy to be a Gryffindor, it sounds more like I’m claiming her to be a Slytherin or Hufflepuff, but she is a Gryffindor I promise!

Foolish Gamers

Foolish is a kind and friendly being, if not a bit naive and easily distracted. He’s also not the brightest person, in fact I’d go as far as to call the guy a Himbo, and he can be a bit skittish sometimes if he’s stressed or haven’t taken a break in a while. But despite it all, the guy is someone who’s creative and hard working, with a brilliant mind for his building. The man is an artist who can get grumpy if you suppress his creative aura, and put his heart and soul into his works. He also has a habit of getting wrapped up in big projects, and ignoring sleep or personal care until he’s finished them. This all leads me to say that Mr Gamers is a Ravenclaw, just not the smartest one. But hey, we can’t all be geniuses, can we.

Slimecicle

Slime is very naive and very trusting towards people around him, taking every word they say as a fact. He can also be a bit dark and ominous at times, but quickly shakes it off as nothing important. This all makes him quite childish, which is very hard to sort, so I’m gonna say Hufflepuff for his friendliness and move on.

Purpled Bedwars

I actually started loving this guy the minute I saw him, purely because Purple is my favorite colour, like my man has taste. Purpled, like Punz, is a guy who helps whoever pays him the most. He’s not interested in most things on the server, too busy looking out for number one (And Dogchamp of course). He’s very self reliant and resourceful, but still quite passive. He may not be the most ambitious guy, but Purpled is definitely a Slytherin (It also brings me and my girlfriend Serotonin knowing that the mercenary siblings are both in the same house, we love those two)

Hannahxxrose

I don’t watch Hannah that much, but god I love her voice, it makes my lesbian little heart happy. Hannah is a friendly person who is very naive about the conflicts on the server, thinking it all can can be solved by placing a rose (God I wish). She’s a good decorator and a good hearted person, who unfortunately fell victim to the egg’s influence. I’m going with Hufflepuff on her, but I’m honestly not entirely sure as I don’t know that much about her.

HBomb94

H is a very well meaning person that only really wants people to be friendly towards each other. He had a strict moral code and he keeps to it, as shown where Fundy tried to get his help with blowing shit up. He’s very helpful to those who ask and is willing to back up his friends when it’s needed, which makes me say that the friendly totally not dirty cat maid is a Hufflepuff.

Connoreatspants

I just want you all to know that I’m writing this before Connor’s lore stream that surely will just go against everything I say because fate hates me, just so ya know. Connor is not a person that does stuff on the server with lore and he for the most part keeps to himself, so this is a bit hard. Connor also has this thing where he likes to say things just to confuse him, and also making a bit of cursed lore, but he’s still a fairly humble person. He does lie and steal a bit, and has this habit of moving into other people’s houses, but I digress. I’m actually leaning towards Ravenclaw on him, for some reason, so that’s what I’m going with until I have more of an established character.

ItsAlyssa

I know she has left the server and stuff, but she was one of the original members so it would be a crime not to include her. Alyssa is a bit chaotic, often going on killing sprees, or burning down the trees outside of L’Manburg. So I’m placing Alyssa in Gryffindor, but to be honest I don’t really know at this point.

Callahan

How do you sort a person who does not speak, stream, or show like anything of his personality? The answer is, you don’t. Hufflepuff is the house of those who don’t fit in anywhere else, and that’s where I’m placing him.

Vikkstar123

Please log onto the server I’m begging you, I didn’t watch you as a kid and honestly know nothing about you. From what I’ve seen of Vik he’s a very humble person that tries to stay out of it all, instead forming a land together with his bro Lazar. Honestly my instincts say Ravenclaw and I trust my instincts, so I’m putting him in Ravenclaw

Lazarbeam

Lazar was actually a big part of the exile arc which I realized after already have written his, so now I gotta rewrite it. Lazar is fairly ambitious on the server, and has the goal to obtain the most powerful objects on the server just to rival the other strong members of the smp. He’s especially against Tommy, and aims to do a lot to be the opposite of him, aka well respected and not a war criminal that got exiled (Totally fair goal). Despite that, he was able to show some empathy to the British child, even going as far as to give him a disk during his exile. This all makes me say Slytherin on him.

Michaelmcchill

Newest boy. Michael is a very apathetic person, showing little to no empathy towards most people’s trauma on the server. The person he does feel empathy for however is Dream, who of course did nothing wrong and is locked up in the prison which is just horrible oh no. Michael just truly does not care about what you’ve been through (as of now) which is why I’m gonna say Slytherin, because he does have Slytherin loyalty towards Mr Was Taken.

TL;DR

Tommy-Lion

Wilbur-Snake

Tubbo-Eagle

Techno-Eagle

Philza-Snake

Ranboo-Badger

Eret-Snake

Nikki-Badger

Fundy-Eagle

Dream-Snake

George-Eagle

Sapnap-Lion

Punz-Snake

Jack-Lion

Schlatt-Snake

Quackity-Snake

Karl-Badger

Sam-Badger

Ponk-Lion

Bad-Badger

Skeppy-Lion

Antfrost-Badger

Puffy-Lion

Foolish-Eagle

Slime-Badger

Purpled-Snake

Hannah-Badger

HBomb-Badger

Connor-Eagle

Alyssa-Lion

Callahan-Badger

Vik-Eagle

Lazar-Snake

Michael-Snake

So all together we have Seven lions, Ten Snakes, Seven Eagles and Ten Badgers. I think that’s fair tbh

[javierpenaspinkshirt]

A Hundred Questions.

Mando x Reader - One Shot

Warnings: it’s fluffy and it’s soft and it’s a lil bit sweet. Loose Star Wars lore. Brief mentions of death. Dodgy formatting.

Words: 5.2k (woah, right?)

Summary: Mando is a touch starved man who just wants to be loved send tweet.

A/N: I wrote this while I was meant to be writing several reports for work so if you enjoy this soft rambling lmk so I can tell my boss I didn’t waste my whole day.

A Hundred Questions

It had been 6 months, you worked out, since you had met the Mandalorian.

He had landed on Jakku for supplies, knowing it was on an old trade route but also knowing it was only a mere few years on from the battle that had finally seen the Empire fall. He had assumed it would be largely empty and fairly quiet and he was right.

Mando had docked the Razor Crest in one of the bays you were overseeing that day. You’d had to stop your jaw dropping when you had seen him walking down the ramp of his ship towards you. You had seen a lot in your life, but never a Mandalorian. He had sauntered over to you and tipped a few credits into your hand.

‘I need some rewiring done’ his voice was gruff and tired, ‘will this be enough to get it done before I return?’

You looked at the credits in your hand, it was more cash than you had seen in years.

‘Absolutely’ you replied, ‘I’ll have her like new in no time’.

He nodded and walked passed you to leave. You turned to watch him go only to see what looked like a large green ear sticking out of the backpack the Mandalorian was wearing. You knew Mandos were often bounty hunters so you thought nothing more of it, only that it was none of your business.

You did your job and fixed up the ship as best you could. Your dad had been a mechanic before the war. He’d taught you everything he knew and though you had groaned and whined at the time, you were so grateful to him now. You had lost both of your parents and your siblings in the Battle of Jakku a few years ago. You had only survived because you had been underground working in the mines as the battle had begun. You and your fellow miners had hidden and waited out the siege. Eventually you had resurfaced to learn that the battle had been won by the Republic, but the fighting continued on for months until the last Imp dropped.

Mercifully you had survived the onslaught, but not everyone in your company had had your luck. Though you used the term ‘luck’ loosely.

The Imperial forces had arrived on Jakku months before the battle ensued, and in that time they had terrorised the locals. Your existence was an insult to them and they would assault and even kill residents simply for being there. But when the the last one finally dropped you couldn’t bring yourself to celebrate. You were on your own, and you had to get off this planet.

You had spent years working as a mechanic in one of the few lasting ship ports and had saved as much money as you could. You were hoping to be able to afford a small ship just to be able to get the hell away from Jakku and find somewhere, anywhere, else to be.

So when the Mandalorian returned from his trip for supplies you figured you would try and rinse him for a few extra credits. Every little helps, right?

He was walking with purpose towards you and the Crest, bag stuffed full of supplies and a tiny green child, like nothing you had ever seen before, waddling behind him.

‘Is it done?’ He asked, stopping to stand beside you and admire your handy work.

‘Yeah all done no problem, but I’m going to have to charge you for parts’ you wiped your hands on your overalls and put your hands on your hips to look up at him, hoping it made you look important and serious.

‘I’m not paying for anything extra’ the helmet turned to look down at you, ‘I asked for wiring, nothing more’.

His voice was low and gravelly. It made your stomach flip and you lost your cool.

‘Hey you asked me to fix what I could and I did, this thing is gonna fly better than it did when it was built, mate! I need the money for parts!’

‘Absolutely not’ was the only response you received before he bent down to scoop up the strange green child who was cooing at his feet, and began to walk aboard the ship.

‘Wait!’ You called, running up the gang plank to catch him ‘please! Please I need this, please! You don’t understand’ the desperation caught in your throat as you ran passed him and stood in front of him to stop him walking up any further.

‘Please’ you lowered your voice and looked around to make sure none of the other mechanics, or god forbid the boss, could hear you pleading, ‘please, I have to get out of here, I need the money’.

You couldn’t see his eyes, but you knew the Mandalorian was staring you down, making a judgment of you and deciding whether you were worth his time.

‘What are you like with kids?’

Your eyes widened, ‘excuse me?’

He held the little green child close to his chest and looked down at him. The baby cooed at him and made a little grabby motion at the helmet.

‘Can you look after a child?’

The truth was you’d never met a child you liked. You had had several siblings before the war and as the oldest you had often been stuck babysitting, and rather than hone any kind of parental instinct you may have had it had dragged it behind the barn and shot it dead. You adored your siblings of course, and you missed them endlessly, but you would rather have been their sibling than their surrogate parent. Children were your nightmare, but if the small green boy was your ticket out of here… Then you guessed you were going to have to learn to like him.

‘I can’ you agreed, ‘but I’m not a glorified babysitter y’know, I’m a mechanic and a damn good one!’

‘I know, you would be a valuable crew mate. I don’t need a babysitter, I need a mechanic and someone I can trust around the child’, his helmet dropped to look at the baby again. If you could have seen his face you would’ve seen the smile spread across it as he looked down at his little foundling.

‘Trust is very important to me’ you explained, ‘I promise I wont let you down’.

The Mandalorian straightened and sighed, ‘go grab whatever you need and meet me back here in an hour. If you’re not here, I will leave without you’.

Your eyes widened and you darted off the ship calling out behind you that you’d be back soon.

That had been 6 months ago. Since then you had been travelling with Mando and the little boy and it was the freest you had ever felt. You’d fallen into comfortable routine with your time split between him piloting and securing jobs and you maintaining the old ship, keeping her flying and keeping her safe. You shared taking care of the child and, despite your initial reservation, you had fallen in love with the little creature. He was different to human children, he needed more supervision than care and was capable of moving himself around the ship with alarming speed. He’d often sit beside you, fiddling with bolts or some of your tools while you fixed things and he’d watch with those big inquisitive eyes as you grumbled about the mess the wiring was in or rambled on with stories of your childhood. He made you miss your siblings but you pushed those painful feelings aside whenever they arose, instead choosing to tell the little one stories of happy times with your family, especially your dad. He would smile and cock his head as you spoke to him.

Occasionally Mando would listen from the cockpit if you were close enough for him to hear. You never really spoke to him about your family… but that was largely because he didn’t ask. Usually you’d sit with him of an evening once the child was asleep. He’d be in the pilot’s seat and you would sit behind him and ask him a hundred mindless questions. Sometimes he’d answer, sometimes he’d just grunt, but he enjoyed the way your mind worked. He had explained to you early on about the rules about his helmet and he had been relieved when you had immediately respected them. You would make the occasional joke,

‘Bet you’re a gungan under there’ you’d smirk.

Like he hadn’t heard that one before. But he didn’t mind because it was you. You would ask him about his armour, about the creed, you’d even once asked about his family. He’d revealed that he was a foundling but nothing more. You had got the hint and stopped your questioning.

This evening was no different. Mando had secured a job on some outer rim planet you’d never even heard of and you were only an hour or so away from landing. The child had nodded off so you’d left him in the cot in the hull where the two of you usually slept, leaving the door open so you could hear if he stirred from the cockpit.

You resumed your usual position in the co-pilot’s chair and started your usual barrage of questions. Mando grunted at most of them and answered a few.

‘So tell me then, Mandalorian’ you crooned ‘when was the last time you took the helmet off?’

‘This morning’ was the typically blunt answer.

‘Okay but when?’

He spun round in his chair to look at you, beskar glinting, ‘this morning when you were feeding the child’.

‘I’m gonna have to get sneakier if I’m going to ever catch a glimpse of you aren’t I?’ you chuckled.

He let out a gentle exhale. He knew you were joking, he trusted you never to look as you promised you wouldn’t. But he still felt a well of anxiety when you’d joke.

You sensed you’d gone too far and backtracked, ‘sorry I shouldn’t have said that, I was only playing. I would never, Mando. I promise, I owe you my life I’m not going to be the one to ruin yours’.

He cocked his head to the left gently and you hoped it was because he was smiling.

The truth was you hadn’t ruined his life. You’d turned it upside down a little but he didn’t mind. After the events of the last year, protecting the child, having to go on the run, having to face down Moff Gideon and almost dying… being out here with you and his foundling was the escape he craved. He had mentioned Cara to you briefly but he offered no detail as to the origin of the child or any stories about what had lead him to arrive on Jakku and meet you.

He wasn’t ready to talk about it yet and he knew you understood. Though you could question him for hours about all sorts of inane crap, you were good at taking no for an answer.

But the one thing you would bring up consistently was his helmet. He knew you were curious. You wanted to know who the man under the Beskar was and he understood that. He got to look at you all day, see the way you smiled at the child or the way your brow furrowed when you were thinking. He got to see your body, clothed of course, but he got to see the way your hips swayed when you walked or the way the muscles in your arms worked when you were lying down trying to fix something on the ship. You hadn’t even seen the colour of his skin.

He wanted to show you more of him. He had slowly and cautiously admitted feelings for you to himself but he wasn’t ready to admit them to you yet. In the last month or so he had started putting his forehead against yours, especially before he went to bed. You would get up to go down to the hull to curl up with the baby while he would stay upstairs in the sleeping quarters behind the cockpit. But he’d make a point of gently pulling you to him and putting his forehead against yours for just a moment. You never questioned it but he could feel the way your body would tense when he held your arms and then relax as he gently tapped the helmet against you. He didn’t think you knew what this gesture meant and he wasn’t going to explain it. But he hoped you were getting the hint without him having to say anything.

He was still looking at you, waiting for your next question of the night when there was an almighty thump and the ship shuddered violently. Without thought or hesitation you were out of your seat and down the ladder into the hull. The little one had woken up at the jolt and squealed as you scooped him up and ran back up to the cockpit.

Another clang and all the lights bar the dashboard control and the dodgy LED emergency lighting went out. The cockpit was dark save for the blue lights of the dashboard and the child squealed again and clung to your clothes. You sat down in the co-pilot chair and hung for dear life, holding the child as tightly as you dared.

‘Hold on’ Mando commanded as he threw the ship around, dodging what you could now see were meteors and space junk flying at the Crest at alarming speed. The planet you were headed towards was well in view now and you hoped to gods that Mando could get you there without doing too much more damage to the ship.

A few more minor knocks and a few hisses from the engines and Mando managed to land on a baron plain, covered with what must be ash, with no sign of a moon or sun and a dark cloud swelling.

‘This… is where the job is?’ You looked out of the window, holding the child up so he could see where his father had almost crash landed you.

‘Yes. Sorry I shouldn’t have taken my eye off the controls… the meteors knocked the lights and the heat out’ He flicked a few switches but to no avail and slumped back in his chair.

‘Can you fix it?’ He turned the chair to look at you.

‘I can but not until morning, its dark and I wont be able to see properly even with a flashlight. I’d have to go outside to see the damage but if I’m honest I don’t really wanna do that tonight… even with you standing guard’.

Mando agreed and stood up, ‘it’s going to be too cold for you and the kid in the hull tonight, you’ll have to stay in my quarters’.

A lump caught in your throat, ‘with you?’ You hadn’t meant for it to sound quite as eager as it did but it was out there now.

‘No’ was the matter of fact reply, ‘I’ll be here, I can sleep in the chair.’

‘No way, Mando, if you’re going on a job tomorrow you need to sleep, you can have the child in your room, I’ll stay here’ you stood up to make a point.

He sighed. The baby whimpered gently, he was cold. You held him close and wrapped him in the cloak you were wearing. It used to be an old cape Mando wore but it had been ripped and was way too short for him. You adopted it and patched it up and proudly wore it everywhere, it was your little piece of him. Now you used it to wrap the little one tightly to try and warm him.

The temperature outside was freezing and without the heat in the ship you would all be feeling the cold in no time.

Mando finally stirred, ‘I have an idea.’

You looked at him as he sunk down on to his haunches in front of you. He took hold of the loose end of the cape you were holding the baby in and took a knife from his boot. He cut a small length from the cape and held it out to you.

‘Take this. Go into my room, get the baby settled and get yourself comfortable. Then put this over your eyes and call for me’ he was so matter of fact about it that you didn’t question it, just did as you were told.

You had never actually been in Mando’s sleeping quarters before. It was a small room, no kind of decoration or homely nature to it, classic Mando. There was a single cot in the corner against the wall that you assumed he would make you sleep on, you knew him well enough not to fight him on that. You put the baby down on the floor, still wrapped in your cloak. His eyes were drooping and he was gently cooing to himself.

‘Getting sleepy, little one? You can sleep here, I’ll get you your blankets and we’ll make you a nice bed, yeah?’ You spoke to him softly and he lifted his little hand to you. You took his hand and gave it gentle kiss before zipping down to the hull to grab the blankets the two of you usually shared. It was freezing in the hull and you were grateful to Mando for insisting you slept in his room.

You went back to his quarters and swaddled the baby tightly. You put him on the floor at the foot of the cot so you could still hear him if he woke up but wouldn’t squish him or accidentally kick him out of the small bed in your sleep. He drifted off as you were positioning him comfortably, you thanked your stars.

You had grabbed a long tunic from the hull and changed into that, discarding your clothes and boots on the floor. You felt the cold and dived under the thin covers on the cot and put the makeshift blindfold over your eyes.

‘I’ve got the blindfold on’ you called, a slightly inappropriate thought raced to the front of your mind but you shoved it back before any damage was done.

You heard the door open and close and the gentle thud of Mando’s boots on the floor. The room was completely dark save for one small port hole on the far wall. You probably didn’t even need the blindfold, you couldn’t have seen him anyway! But you knew the blindfold helped his peace of mind.

You sat in the bed as you listened to the delicate, dull thuds of pieces of beskar being removed. You tried to guess what was what by the weight of the thud but you gave up after the third piece. Finally the quite clanging stopped and a heavy silence hung in the air.

‘You promise me you wont take that blindfold off?’ His voice was still modulated, the helmet still on.

‘I promise’.

There was a gentle hiss and a click and a quite thunk as he put the helmet down on the floor. You heard him move closer to you then drop what you guessed were blankets on the floor. You could hear him shuffling around, laying one blanket on the floor then covering himself with the other. He was still at last.

‘Good night, Mando’ you whispered into the blackness.

No response but an un-gloved hand reached up from his makeshift bed on the floor and gently squeezed yours.

Your whole body tingled. You couldn’t see him, or anything at all for that matter, but that was the first skin to skin contact you had ever had with your usually beskar-clad hero. You placed your other hand on top of his and squeezed back. That was enough for him and he removed his hand and you heard him wriggle a little until he was silent again.

What you didn’t know was that his heart was racing. He hadn’t felt the touch of another person for longer than he cared to count and it was all the more wild that it was you he had finally been able to touch.

But the memory of the last time he had had his helmet removed haunted him and clouded the joy he so wanted to feel. The flashbacks came occasionally; the explosion, the ringing in his ears and the blood. He’d had to tell Cara to take the child and to run for their lives. He had laid there in the rubble and dust, smoke filling the air and a droid, that would later go on to sacrifice itself for him, standing over him reasoning as to why it should take his helmet off.

In the end he had relented and allowed it to and IG had saved his life. But the trauma of the whole ordeal was still too fresh to ignore and lying on the cold floor of his room, completely exposed without any of his armour was almost too much to bear.

He wanted to sit up and slide himself into bed next to you and hold you, if for nothing more than comfort. He’d been alone for so long and suddenly he had a foundling, a family of friends, and a crew mate he wished was more than just crew. It was a lot to take in but you were pretty good at calming his nerves when he needed it. There had been a few instances when bounties had proven to be tougher than expected but you had always been there waiting for him to return, somehow knowing all the right things to say but you had never dared reach out and touch him, fearing it would offend or upset him. Really it was what he wanted most.

Sensing the restless body on the floor beside you you attempted to reach out and feel where he was. Your icy cold hand made contact with his bare shoulder and he hissed and shot away from you.

‘Shit sorry I didn’t realise you were so close!’ You whispered, trying your best not to laugh but a small snort escaped you and you clasped your hand over your mouth to prevent another.

‘What are you? Part Trandoshan? You must be cold blooded!’ his response was sharp but there was humour in it.

‘Trandoshan? Tall, fearsome, not a fan of Wookiees? You got me’ you giggled quietly again but stopped abruptly when you realised that was the first time you had ever heard his voice un-modulated.

You could hear him breathing slightly heavily from the shock and you took in every breath not knowing whether you would ever hear it without the helmet again.

He settled back down and calmed himself. The shock of the freezing hand on his arm had shaken him from his rapid thoughts of lava tunnels and enemy fire and left his heart racing again.

‘Are you really that cold?’ He whispered up at you.

You nodded but realised he couldn’t see you and rolled over so you were on your front looking down at him, ‘I’m from a desert planet, I don’t do cold! But I’ll be fine once I’m asleep’.

Mando formulated a plan but first he quietly sat up to look at the foot of the bed. He moved to his hands and knees silently and knelt down as he touched his hand to the child’s sleeping forehead. He felt warm enough, safely enveloped in the blankets you had wrapped him in and happily snoring in deep sleep. Mando smiled to himself.

Then, before you could ask a question or protest, Mando pushed you over to the edge of the cot and against the wall. His hands were warm as he gently scooted you over and awkwardly fumbled with the covers as he got in beside you. He was trying to be as quiet as possible but the bed frame creaked, only used to having to support one body.

‘You’ll wake the kid!’ You hissed.

He shushed you and flipped you so that your back was against his torso. He slipped an arm under your neck and draped the other over your ribs and pulled you tight against him. He reached up with the arm under your neck and gently checked the blindfold was still in place.

You smiled at his abundance of caution ‘it’s still there’, you reassured him ‘not that I could see you without it anyway, it’s so dark’.

He huffed gently and put his arm back down and held you close to him.

He was bare chest but radiating heat like a small thermal oscillator. You sunk into him not wanting to cause too much of a fuss in case you put him off and he went back to the floor. But you desperately wanted him to talk to you. You wanted to hear his voice and see what he sounded like when he laughed and you desperately wanted to know what he looked like. You knew you couldn’t see him and you wouldn’t ask to, but maybe you could feel him?

You began to wriggle as slowly as possible to avoid the bed squeaking too much and rolled yourself over so that you were lying on your other side, face to face with Mando. You made sure the blindfold was in place and put your hands down in the small gap between your bodies so as not to touch him with them and startle him with the cold again.

He still had an arm under your neck and the other now gently traced circles on your back.

‘Mando?’ you began.

He grunted back at you and you had to stifle another laugh. Even in the most intimate moment you’d ever shared his immediate response was to grunt at you.

‘Mando… can I touch you? Is that allowed?’

His breathing hitched and you felt him shift ever so slightly and you feared you’d done exactly what you were afraid of and crossed a line.

He moved his arm from your back and took your hands in his. His one hand was big enough to envelop both of yours and you had to smother another inappropriate thought before it blossomed.

‘Not until these are warmer’ he whispered giving your hands a squeeze.

You beamed at him and you hoped he could see you even just a little bit to know how happy you were at the possibility of actually being allowed to touch your Mandalorian’s skin.

He couldn’t see you, but your faces were close enough that he could feel the way you sucked in air in an excited gasp as he said it and he was sure you were smiling at him.

He carefully brought your hands up to his chest and rested them there, letting go and returning his hand to your back and pulling you closer still so that your bodies were touching, his chin resting carefully on the crown of your head.

You spent a few moments just taking in everything you could about him. His skin was soft but scarred. You traced scars and old wounds across his back and his chest. His shoulders were tough and knotted, muscular but tired from carrying the weight of the beskar pauldrons every day since he was little. Every scar told a story and maybe one day you’d be allowed to see them, not just feel them, and you’d be able to ask a hundred questions about how and where… but for now you just gently dipped your fingers into every mark that made him who he was.

You moved up to his neck and felt his heart rate racing as your hands edged closer to his face. You stopped just below his jaw and shifted your head up to look at him. As was normal to you now, you couldn’t see his eyes so you just stared where you hoped they were.

He gave you a timid nod and you breathed in hard as you slowly moved your hands up to his jawline. There was stubble, maybe a few days worth. You wondered if he shaved often? His jawline was sharp and defined, you had imagined it as such. You gently moved your fingers along it, taking in every dip of his mandible that indicated an old injury, every mark you could feel that could have once been a wound, and enjoyed the knowledge that even a proud warrior couldn’t always be bothered to shave.

You left one hand at his jaw and moved the other up his cheek, stroking it gently with your thumb, and moved across to his nose. It was pronounced but fitted the shape of his face beautifully. You would have to imagine how striking his side profile must be. There was a scar across it and little ridge at the bridge that suggested that maybe it had been broken once. You weren’t going to ask now.

You carefully traced a thumb over his closed eye, his eyelashes long and his eyebrows unkempt but not wild – a little like him maybe. You moved up his forehead, more scars and bruising, you wondered exactly how much good that helmet did him. Finally you found his hair and you ran your hand through it and pulled ever so slightly. It was longer than you imagined but not so long that he didn’t care for it. The fact it was at the length it was meant he must cut his own hair, that was enough to pull a smile out of you.

He felt you smile against him and he winced slightly, afraid you were laughing at his messy hair or his bruised face. You rubbed your other hand against his jaw.

‘What colour is you hair?’ The question was tentative, walking on thin ice and unsure how far was too far.

‘Brown’ he whispered, the bass in his voice making your soul leap a little.

You moved your hand back down to his eyelid, ‘and these?’

‘Also brown’ the whisper was even quieter now.

‘Mando, I think you’re beautiful’ you said it as sincerely as you could. You meant it.

He didn’t respond, just lay there still as anything, holding you against him.

You rested your palm on his cheek, feeling the stubble under it as he moved his head to look down at you. He put his forehead against yours as delicately as he could.

You could have stayed there for a hundred years. Wrapped in his arms, his forehead pressed to yours, feeling his breathing slow as his heart rate settled, his skin against yours.

But he moved, and you were afraid that was the end until he took his hand from your back and used it to tilt your chin up towards his face.

You felt his lips against yours and it was like an explosion had been let off inside you. It was tentative and cautious but he held your chin firm, not wanting you to move away from him. His lips were soft, a little chapped, but so undeniably him. Firm but inviting, hesitant but wanting.

He moved his hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear, being careful not to knock the blindfold and broke the kiss. He put his forehead back against yours and stroked your cheek with his thumb.

You put your hands back on his chest and lay still with him. He would kiss you again but he would need a minute first. And that was fine by you. This was unchartered territory for him and you would give him as long as he needed. There would be time for a hundred questions later.

[bonjour-rainycity]

Double Heart | Chapter Ten ~ Cosima

|previous part|

Pairing: Haldir x OFC

Rating: PG-13

Word count: 4422

Warnings: Canon-level violence

**Read on Ao3 under the user “bonjour_rainycity” if you prefer!**

A/n Just so you know, I start playing a little fast and loose with ‘elf-lore’ right about here. Thanks so much for all your responses to the previous chapters! Happy reading <3

We retire early, each of us exhausted from our long journey. Elrond arranged rooms for us in his expansive home, which I found out is the heart of the city. I guess when you found a town, it makes sense that you get the largest estate. At Elrond’s instruction, a female attendant leads me up a flight of stairs and down a long hallway. She opens a door to my left to revel a large room with a four-poster bed, table, chaise lounge, couch, fireplace, and, through an archway to the side, a full bathroom. Pillows and blankets decorate every available surface and I notice a large selection of books and candles. After two weeks on the road, I want nothing more than to bury myself in this room’s amenities.

“Wow,” I breathe, unable to do much more in my state of awe and fatigue.

“Lord Elrond knows about your fear of heights and has placed you in one of the most innermost rooms of the estate. Your windows will offer you views of our waterfalls but you are nowhere near to the edge. I hope it is to your liking.”

I smile, my already present fondness for Elrond growing. Though, I do wonder which of my friends told him about my fear of heights. “It’s perfect, thank you.”

The attendant nods, leading me to a chest of drawers. “You will find clothing here and bathing provisions in the bathroom. Meals are three times a day and you may join the others in the common hall or request to dine in your chambers. If you require my assistance, I am in the room at the very end of the hall and to the right. I hope you sleep well.” She curtsies deeply and I wonder if I should do the same. Just to be on the safe side, I place one leg behind the other and squat, awkwardly attempting to mirror her movement. She puts great effort into suppressing a smile, but inclines her head in acknowledgment of my efforts before leaving the room, shutting the door behind her.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

What am I going to do?

This place is dangerous. It’s terrifying. And yes, I feel relatively safe within Elrond’s walls, but he said it himself—just last month, orcs attempted to infiltrate the city. What if they try again, only this time, they succeed? And with some evil being on the rise? Nope, no way. I don’t think I can deal with that.

I throw myself facedown on the large bed, groaning in frustration. This world that I’ve only just accepted to be real is showing me just how real it is. The honeymoon phase is over. The rose-colored glasses have been lifted from my eyes, and what I see paints a dark, fearful scene.

Yet, even still…I cannot ignore the part of me that so badly wants to stay.

The people I’ve met here—humans, elves—does it really matter? Whatever they are, whatever I am at this point, honestly, does it actually, in the grand scheme of things, matter? Because I like them. I care about them. More than anything, I don’t want to leave them, to go back to a world of people I don’t know.

But danger and my friends are a package deal.

And I don’t know if I’m equipped to handle that.

I flip around into a seated position, letting my head flop into my hands.

I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. I’m stressed. And I’m exhausted. Now, I need to sleep. Everything else can wait until morning.

I haul myself off the feathered mattress and drag my heavy feet to the chest of drawers. As far as sleep items go, I find only nightgowns, but they’ll have to do. It’s much better than sleeping in the muddied clothing I’ve traveled in for two weeks.

I change quickly and blow out the candles I rely on to light my room. I crawl into bed, pulling the thick duvet up to my ears. Before I know it, sleep calms my racing mind.

{***}

I wake in the mountains.

A roar, guttural and angry, comes from behind me and I throw myself into a sprint. I stumble over the uneven terrain, catching my foot on rocks and scraping my shins, but I keep going. Whatever I suffer running away is surely better than being at the mercy of the beast that pursues me.

Brown, gnashing teeth cut me off and I shriek, falling onto my back. An orc with its stinking, rotting breath descends on me, dagger cutting into my arm. I cry out not only in pain but in panic, for the blood that falls to the ground is not red — no, it is thick, dark sludge.

I’m underwater.

The sludge suffocates me. It fills my lungs and burns as it slides over my skin. I kick, desperate to get away.

Below me, a honeyed voice sings. It beckons to me, begs me to come deeper, to let myself sink. It promises safety, security.

It promises peace.

“Cosima.”

Haldir’s voice far above me sounds muffled as it travels through the murky waters. I snap my head up. I can’t see anything, only the darkness, but I know that if I can somehow get to him, if I can follow his voice, then I will reach the surface.

“Cosima!” Rumil shouts for me now.

My name, called in turn by each of my new friends, overlaps, drowning out the sweet sounds from below.

My vision darkens. I have gone too long without breath — I have to make a decision.

I kick my legs, propelling myself upwards.

{***}

I break through the surface, sputtering and gasping for air.

Light—harsh and bright orange—momentarily blinds me. As my eyes adjust, I recognize the puffy white duvet, the cool grey of the stone walls, the soft pink flowers cascading from the ceiling. I’m in my guest bed in Elrond’s house. I never left my room. I never lost to an attacker in the mountains. I never fell into the water.

It was just a dream.

Water—the roaring sound of the waterfalls—while muted, is still subtly audible in the background. And my dream—it was nearly exactly what I imagined before waking in Arda. The sound from the waterfalls must have triggered it.

Just a dream, I remind myself, trying to calm my racing heart.

A sharp knock disrupts the silence of the room and sends stabs of pain through my head — bad dreams and a headache, too, I guess. The knock sounds again and I groan, forcing myself to leave the coziness of my covers and pad on bare feet to the door.

It’s Haldir. He stands, hand still raised, in fresh clothes and even more armor than yesterday. His bow is slung over his back, a quiver and sword rest at his hips. I try not to let my thoughts get away from me with overreaction — surely this isn’t necessary for inside Elrond’s halls.

He lowers his hand, dipping his head briefly in greeting. “I—” he seems to notice my nightgown. “Did I wake you?”

I shrug and attempt to lean against the doorframe casually, still mildly disturbed from my nightmare. “I don’t think so.” Then, panic causes me to stiffen. “Have you been here long?” Did he hear anything? Oh, I hope not.

He shakes his head and I relax. “No, I only just arrived.” Whew. “I came to get you — Elrond wants to take a look at your arm. I also wanted to let you know, Glorfindel and I are going to visit a couple of the border stations and see if there are improvements to be made. I will be back late tonight.”

“Oh.” I blink. So he’s leaving. “But you only just got here.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Yes.”

“Well, don’t you want a few days to relax?”

He tilts his head to the side. “I have been relaxing — I’ve been on leave from my duties for three weeks now.”

I roll my eyes, recalling his constant state of watchfulness on our journey. “Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t call the trip we just had ‘on leave from your duties.’”

He huffs, but the beginnings of a smile tugs at the edges of his lips. “Would you please get dressed so I can escort you to Elrond? Glorfindel and I wish to leave within the hour.”

I fight the urge to make some snarky comment about his impatience and instead shut the door in his face, hurrying to get ready. My arm does sting — perhaps Elrond can do something about that.

The chest of drawers doesn’t offer much in variety, mostly just a combination of long dresses and a few tunic and legging sets here and there. I’ve been traveling in the same clothes for two weeks though, and a change in habit doesn’t sound too bad, so I opt for a sleeveless pale blue gown with a gossamer cape at the shoulders. I don’t look as ethereal as Lavandil would, but I suppose it will do. Using my fingers, I brush down the frizz in my hair as much as I can—a lost cause, really—and throw on a pair of cream slippers that no one will see anyway because of the gown. After splashing some water over my eyes and brushing my teeth, I throw open the door to find Haldir standing to the side, back to the wall, watching the coming and going of everyone who passes down the hallway. Always on duty. He acknowledges me with a stiff nod and gestures down the hall, falling into step beside me. When we reach the bottom of the staircase, he leads me to the right and through another open-air hallway.

He breaks the silence. “Is your room to your liking?”

I think back to my plush bed, trying to separate it from the dread and fear of my nightmare. “Oh, yes. As much as I liked sleeping under the stars, it’s nice to have a proper bed and all the blankets I could want. And a door.”

He huffs out a laugh, nodding in agreement. “That is the true indication of luxury.”

“And yours?”

His mouth twists into a grimace. “It is the height of visitor season here in Imladris, so I am sharing with Rumil. Aside from constantly putting up with my younger brother, it’s perfect.”

I freeze, turning to him. “Wait, you have to share? But you’re the one who’s supposed to be visiting, that’s not right. You or Rumil can have my room, I’ll stay with Alex—”

“No, that won’t be necessary,” he interjects quickly, jerking his head to indicate that I should continue walking. “I only meant to joke. I do not mind sharing a space with my brother.” Before I can respond, he changes the subject. “How is your arm?”

I raise it, feeling the skin stretch over the cut. “Stings, but it’s healing.”

“Elrond will be able to speed along the process.” He indicates that we should turn left down a new hallway. He leads me through a nondescript archway on our right and we enter a moderately sized semicircular room.

Elrond sits at a mahogany desk near one of the walls, writing furiously on a piece of graying parchment.  Upon our entry, he looks up, and the lines of stress on his brow melt into an expression of warm welcome. “Good to see you again, Cosima, Haldir.” He nods to each of us in turn and motions for us to join him at his desk. When we approach, Haldir bows his head respectfully, so I do the same. It’s strange to be in Elrond’s presence. He carries such authority that I feel small in comparison, yet he also leads with such kindness that it is impossible to not want to be around him. Based on all the visitors Haldir mentioned, I surmise that I am not alone in this assessment.

Elrond vacates his chair and gestures for me to sit. He comes to stand at my left and gently takes my arm in his hands. “I am sorry for the injury you suffered during the attack. That must have been quite jarring.”

Haldir rests a hand absently on the hilt of his sword, watching us from the other side of the desk. Likely, he too is remembering the ferocity of the attack — the lives he had to take. It must be hard, even if they were the lives of those trying to kill us.

“It was,” I agree, wincing slightly when Elrond unwraps the bandage encasing my upper arm. “As far as I know, my home doesn’t have anything like that.”

He smiles almost indulgently, crouching to more closely examine the gash. “But you would not remember if it did, no?”

I swallow. I hadn’t considered that. “I guess you’re right.”

He looks into my eyes then, and I feel so very young. “Every world has its perils. And every world has its joys. You cannot have one without the other—such is the way of life.”

I exhale shakily, turning my eyes to the ceiling. That’s sobering.

Elrond lays his fingers over my torn skin and mutters something in that language I so often hear.

I try to concentrate on the sounds, but can’t make out any specific words. “What is that?”

Since Elrond is still chanting, Haldir answers for him. “An Elvish healing incantation. Combined with the power in Elrond’s spirit, it should close up the wound.”

Tingles race through my upper arm and converge on my cut. I crane my neck, trying to see around Elrond’s hands. A second later, he pulls away. I gasp. All that is left of the cut is a thin, raised scar.

“What,” I murmur, prodding at the skin. Not painful, not even tender. What was just a two-day old wound now seems as if it happened and healed ages ago. “That’s impossible.”

Elrond nearly smirks, straightening to full height. “Open your mind, young one, and you will see that what is impossible to you is commonplace here.”

“I—” but I have nothing to say to that. Though I cannot possibly wrap my head around what just happened, the fact remains that it did. I’m not sure if I’m ready to confront what that means. So I push it away for later. “Thank you.”

Elrond inclines his head. Everyone around here is so dang respectful. “You are welcome.” With a twinkle in his eye, he turns his focus to Haldir. “Do not give my guards too hard a time. I imagine they are wary of your arrival.”

Haldir gestures for me to follow him to the exit. “I only plan on pointing out strategies for improvement. Suggestions, really.”

With a noise that clearly communicates his disbelief in Haldir’s statement, Elrond returns to his desk, smiling softly and shaking his head. “Be safe, Marchwarden. And Cosima?” I stop and turn, one hand on the pillar leading into his study. He gives me a level look and I have the distinct impression that he is acutely aware of the conflict raging within my head. “My door is always open.”

Mutely, I nod, a little stunned by the gravity in his gaze. I must have been staring, because it takes Haldir gently tapping my elbow to remind me to follow him from the room. Once in the hallway, I feel a little more clear-headed. “So was that magic?”

Haldir shrugs, striding down the long corridor. “Humans would think of it that way I suppose. Magic implies something special and ‘more than,’ though, and it’s not like that for elves. It is to be respected, yes, but it is simply the power in our spirits doing the work that calls to them. For Elrond, his spirit urges him to heal, so when he acts on it, he is more powerful than others who aren’t called to healing. I should mention that we say ‘spirit’ for your benefit. Elves use the term ‘fæ’. Simplified, it serves the same purpose as a spirit, but for elves, it plays more of an active role in our lives.”

I mull that over. It sounds reasonable enough. “So then what’s yours? What does your spirit—fæ want you to do?”

“Keep people safe. And if that means fighting, so be it.”

That seems consistent with what I know about him. Every action he takes seems driven by the desire to protect those around him. “What would happen if you ignored it? Say you wanted to be a healer like Baranor or Elrond.”

Haldir chuckles, resting his hand on the hilt of his sword as he walks. “I have tried before and I was not near as successful. I can perform the basics of healing—anyone can—but there’s no power within me to speed up the process or heal especially severe injuries like Elrond can. If I tried to attend to your arm in the same way he did, maybe it would have healed slightly faster? But as you saw with Elrond, he is capable of doing it in minutes.”

I begin to catch on. “Okay, so you can all learn whatever skills you want but the power to perform above and beyond at those skills lies in your fæ.”

He nods once. “Exactly.”

We turn a corner. “But what if you wanted to be a healer but you were born with the fæ of a fighter? Could you change it?”

Haldir takes a deep breath, his steps slowing slightly. I realize we are nearing the staircase that will take me to my room. “Short answer—no. An elf’s fæ is incredibly personal and incredibly fragile. Really, only two things can change an elf’s fæ: marriage and death. Long answer—you can ignore the desires of your fæ and nothing bad will happen to you so, technically, if I wanted, I could shun the need to keep my people safe and heal them instead. But I wouldn’t be any better at it than anyone else and I would feel unfulfilled because I wouldn’t be giving my fæ what it needs. Does that make sense?”

I nod, but something he glossed over jumps out at me. He said marriage can change an elf’s fæ, but from what I know, marriage isn’t always forever. People can separate, people can die, people can cheat. What then? “Marriage and death change a fæ how?”

A faraway look comes into his eye. “The two are basically interconnected. When elves get married, their fæs bond together in a way that cannot be undone. When it is—through death—the half of the fæ belonging to the dead elf essentially wilts and leaves the remaining fæ damaged.”

That sounds awful. “But what about divorce? Is that kinder to a fæ?”

Haldir smiles ruefully. “Divorce is something unique to humans. Elves live forever and we love only once. When we do decide to love another, the two fæs are literally entwined forever. So divorce is a physical possibility — the two can be separated, yes. But it would cause their fæs so much grief that it almost never happens. Spiritually though, the two are entwined until death, some argue even beyond then.”

I’m almost afraid to ask. “So, if one dies and the fæ is damaged…”

“The other fades. It is not just a physical death, but a spiritual one. They lose the will to live and eventually pass into nothing.”

I look at the ground. Haldir carries a pain in his voice that makes me wonder if he’s seen this happen before. With over three thousand years behind him, it’s likely that he has.

I attempt to veer to a safer subject. He said elves only love once and, as far as I know, Haldir isn’t married. I try to tease him a little to lighten the mood. “So you’ve never been in love?”

He raises an eyebrow, jerking his chin in my direction. “Have you?”

I shrug, climbing the staircase. “I wouldn’t remember.”

“I think you would.” We’re at the top now and I turn to see him looking not at me, but out one of the gaping archways showcasing the falls.

I let out a slow breath, thinking on his words. Would I, though? I mean, what if I’m here gallivanting with my new friends and I have someone at home mourning my loss, missing me? Do I owe it to him to make it back?

Feeling a weight settle on my shoulders, I take small, hesitant steps towards the archway, bringing me closer and closer to the fortified stone railing. I don’t look down—that would be too much—but I do rest my hands lightly against the wood, staring straight ahead at the curtain of frothy white and blue. Guilt as well as fear from being so close to the edge churn in my stomach. Am I a bad person for not remembering my love? Do I even have one?

I let out a shuddering breath, knowing I need something — reassurance or condemnation, I don’t know. I choose to give voice to my fears and trust Haldir to decide.

When I speak, my voice is not as solid as I would like, sounding instead shaky and fragile. “But what if I didn’t?” I swallow against the lump rising in my throat. “What if there’s someone in my world waiting for me and I can’t remember him?”

The sounds of boots clicking against stone echoes. A few seconds later, Haldir appears next to me, resting his hands on the railing, mirroring my viewing of the waterfall.

“An elf’s fæ gives them a measure of awareness. If you are really attuned to someone—love them, have a strong bond with them—your fæs will have a consciousness of each other, almost like they’re in communication. For example, I can see Rumil’s light and I know that he is content. I can feel Orophin’s joy practically bursting and I know how happy it makes him to be here with his love. And, while a human’s fæ isn’t as strong as an elf’s, you do have one. If I concentrate, I can see it. It’s faint, but it is there. All this to say,” he shakes his head slowly, turning his gaze to me. “If you had a love back home, your fæ would know.”

I slump in relief, leaning against the railing and closing my eyes so I cannot further frighten myself. If I had someone that I was bonded to, I would remember him — more than that, I would feel it in my soul. So, staying here…if it weren’t so dangerous…maybe it wouldn’t be bad.

“Haldir, Lady Cosima.” A confident voice at the end of the hall catches our attention.

Glorfindel, golden and gorgeous as ever, strides up to us, bowing deeply. He reaches for my hand and presses a kiss to its back, then straightens and winks—at me or Haldir, I can’t tell. “A human custom I thought I’d try. Not my cup of tea, but I do say I’ll try anything once.”

I bark out a shocked laugh, having not expected Glorfindel’s bold entrance. “Am I one of your experiments, then?”

“If you’d like to be.” He pumps his eyebrows suggestively, though, if what Haldir just explained to me is true for all elves, Glorfindel is only playing around.

Haldir rolls his eyes. “Are you ready to go?”

With a flair, Glorfindel gestures to his armored form. “So it seems. Is the Lady going to accompany us?”

I huff, not liking being cut out of the conversation. “No, ‘the Lady’ hopes to stay here and find breakfast.”

“Ah, it is on the path to the stables! Allow us to show you the way.” With that, Glorfindel strides down the hallway as quickly as he arrived.

Haldir shakes his head—whether in amusement or annoyance, I don’t know—but follows.

The three of us wind up in a large outdoor pavilion sheltered only by a wooden lattice rooftop woven with blue and white flowers. This must be the common dining hall Elrond mentioned last night. It’s relatively late in the morning but too early for the midday meal, so the pavilion is empty. I’m grateful—I’m not sure I could handle meeting a whole city’s worth of elves before I’ve gotten some food in me.

The use of the word causes a brief spark of shock to jolt through my chest. I just referred to them as ‘elves’.

But I cannot deny it any longer—somehow, it clicked. I am in a different world, and the people of this world are not all human. My friends are elves.

This decision to believe—though it is only one of many I must make—releases a weight from my chest. I suddenly feel much lighter, nearly giddy with freedom. I push forward and turn around to face the two ellyn who led me here, nodding with a measure of finality.

“You are elves.”

Glorfindel looks perplexed, but Haldir, for the first time since I’ve met him, looks surprised. His eyebrows shoot towards his hairline, his lips part from each other. I grin, very much enjoying the feeling of catching him off guard. He narrows his eyes slightly, seeming to inspect me for signs of teasing or a joke. I smile up at him, confident in my decision.

Glorfindel looks back and forth between what probably looks like an impromptu staring contest. “Yes…it must be time for you to eat. How often do humans need to eat, anyways?” He chatters on, leading us through the pavilion and into an auxiliary room — the kitchens. “I’ve heard horror stories of new humans needing to eat upwards of six times per day. How do its caretakers get anything done?”

As Glorfindel darts through the kitchen collecting what I assume to be leftovers and provisions for the trip, Haldir comes up beside me, looking almost unsure.

“You have accepted it, then?”

I nod, exhaling quickly. “I have. This isn’t a dream, this is real. Somehow I lived in my world and now I live in yours. And, though there’s no way for me to wrap my head around it, my new friends are elves.”

He smiles softly, hesitantly, and dips his head in acknowledgment of my statement. “I am glad.”

But, despite my momentary feeling of freedom, unease settles in my gut. Many more decisions lie ahead.

A/n Ooo so what do you think??? Likes, comments, and reblogs make me happy! Let me know if you would like a tag :) Also, if you’re bored, pop into my ask box and tell me something that makes you happy -- I’d love to know!

|next part|

|masterlist|

Tolkien tag list: @anangelwhodidntfall @eru-vande

Haldir tag list: @tolkien-apologist

Double Heart tag list: @lainphotography @themerriweathermage @thophil2941btw @kenobiguacamole @wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse @from-patroclus-with-love @boywivlove @ordinarymom1 @my-darling-haldir @sweet-bea-blossom @moony-artnstuff

[belle-keys]

I Love Matthew Fairchild aka Incoherent Thoughts about Chain of Iron (2021) by Cassandra Clare

I made one of these rant-rave reviews for SJM's book so check it out if you want, no pressure tho lmao.

Aight so I finished Chain of Iron last night and OMG I HAVE TO YELL like I loved it sooo much like yooo, I have a lot to say. I know the book is new so... beware for spoilers plebs.

Also context: I been reading the Shadowhunter books since I was 12 and I'm 19 now *insert dead emoji face* so yeah, I'm just so happy rn with where the Chronicles have come and the fact that they’re still ongoing *insert uwu face*. I remember when in like 2014-2015 or something when Cassandra Clare teased that Will and Tessa's kids' generation was gonna get a trilogy set in Edwardian London, loosely based on Great Expectations, and holy hell? I think that was perhaps one of the best days of my life considering how much I adore The Infernal Devices (that trilogy really changed the way I see YA literature... don't ask cus I won't shut up about it) (also yes I read TMI and loved it too but there's a “generation gap” between TMI and the other Shadowhunter books stylistically so don't ask me about that either cus I also won't shut up).

Anyway, shoo from here if you want a critical essay on Chain of Iron. I'm not providing that, this is just me raving here for the fun.

Listen... I want the bulk of this to just be two main things: The Matthew Situation, and then all the literary and judeo-christian meta aspects of it.

BUT I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE SO FRICK LET'S JUST START WITH THE OBVIOUS SHIT LIKE THE PLOT AND WHATEVER

Okay, the plot and writing and shit, let's get that out of the way:

The WHOLE Jack-the-Ripper-esque ambiance was just sooooo good man wow like I did not expect the book to take this cold turn but it worked so well. There was such a contrast between Jamie and Cordelia's warm little house and then the cold winter and the stabbings and shit and it felt like a nice little callback to the actual Ripper phenomenon that preceded them and a nod to the Whitechapel Fiend story from Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy.

Bitch OFC that whole thing with Wayland was a set-up like nawww that was too easy to spot and I get why Cordelia feels like shit about it.

Dawg Lucie was just the Among Us imposter here in that my girl was just venting and sneaking around with dead people and I was like nooooo girl run, don't deal with Fade this is a set-up THINK ABOUT JULES LUCIE THAT'S LIKE YO GREAT-GRANDSON *sobs* but yeah anyway my girl has death powers she gonna kill some bitches next book.

You see that confrontation between Lilith and Belial? MASTERPIECE DIALOGUE like this was the point within which I was just like "yo is this the book of Genesis or a YA Fantasy novel" like when Lilith said "I may have been cast out but I did not fall" like??????????????????? I YELLED she did not have to END Belial like that. What a bad bitch.

More on Lilith and Belial... "You, who brought nations into darkness? Shall I finally be able to tell the infernal realms you have gone mad, lost even the image of the Creator." HAHAHHAHAHA SHE SAID "YO BELIAL GO GET SOME THERAPY AND GET OFF MY ASS" LIKE??????

Ughhhh yasss Clare has improved writing diverse characters in this book compared to in The Dark Artifices in my opinion... I'm not gonna expand on it cus ain't nobody got time for that but like, I enjoyed how she wove Persian poetry and tales into the story and the way in which she writes Cordelia and Alistair. They're not caricatures of Persian people but rather multi-faceted beings who also happen to be Persian and I appreciate that. Also, Alistair and Thomas and Anna and Ariadne were just so fun and interesting to read as coupbles but also as individuals. She really higlighted diversity in a very natural manner. All I need is a hijabi character and I’ll die a happy woman lmao.

The level of META man like the references to Classics and art (I swear, she might have compared Matthew to angels out of Caravaggio AND Rosetti AND Boticelli paintings and I Am Living For It) and just all the quotes from holy books and shit omg I love it here like you really feel catapulted into the time period, she draws reference to external art and philosophy so well and I feel like she upped the notch on it in this book (didn’t know that was possible but it was the prose is BEAUTIFUL, archaic, but not pretentiously so). No, like the characters live in their OWN worlds of literature and art and history in the way we are living in THEIRS. They quote Wilde and Milton while we'll quote Clare. It's awesome.

This is an unusually structuralist take even from me but: I like the way the milieu social of the book, i.e., the high society Edwardian circles and their values, have a direct influence on the plot. James and Cordelia got married because society’s values essentially forced them to, not a demon. Cordelia abandons Jamie at the end of Iron because her shame as a woman in society and fear for her reputation made her, not a demon. Thomas and Alistair can't be together solely because of how Alistair tarnished the reputation of the Fairchilds and Lightwoods by using the horror of infidelity against them. Issues relating to marriage, gender roles, etc, stemming DIRECTLY from the time period rule the sequence of events to the same degree as the epic fantasy aspects (demons, Princes of Hell, the lore itself) do and I LOVE that dear God above.

OKAY THE GOOD SHIT LET US TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS AND SHIPS (N.B. but imma discuss Matthew and the Fairstairs situation separately below this portion):

Alistair's redemption arc: No, cus Alistair's redemption arc is honestly amazing. He really did change and it's not like his betterment as a person was linked to any one heroic deed but rather he simply decided he wanted to be better especially for his family and he decided to become a proper protective son, a caring brother, and an amiable friend. He fully owned up to his Malfoy tendencies and apologized without expecting forgiveness. He shows how he cares in the little ways and omg it's so sweet and tender. I really do want him to love himself now and be embraced by Matthew especially and the rest of the Thieves.

Dawg Lucie and Jesse are so funny to me like it's so hilarious how this girl fell in love with a whole ass ghost that no one else knows about like HHAHA. Are Lucie and Jesse my ult ship ever? Nah, but it's nothing to do with Clare, it's just that their relationship happened pretty quick and feels quite like something epicly romantic that Lucie herself would write. I just like slow burn and friends-to-lovers the most from Clare. To be honest part of me just wanted Lucie to not have a romantic arc all together but like, it's all good, I'm not complaining.

Okay Grace- like yooooooooooo I never hated her yunno. She has been abused and isolated all her life. It's not that she is a bad person, but rather that she does not know what being a person even entails. Can't even say she's a “doll” of a person cus she's never even been pampered like one by her family. I really started understanding her motivations since when they gave us her half-childhood with Jesse. I want better for her but cmon can she REALLY be saved???

GRACE X CHRISTOPHER *pretends to be shocked*... Okay, sometime in the middle of the Dark Artifices series some big brain put together a very thorough family tree of the families and like, it clearly showed that Grace and Christopher got married so like, lmfaooooo, I knew this was coming one way or another, but the journey to this ship is more important than the destination. Like in a way Christopher is such a cute baby lamb that it makes sense he'd end up being immune to her Grace-ness when he's just a cute little Einstein boiii. Like this is just so funny to me cus he's so oblivious to social conventions while she makes the milieu social her entire life so OFC it's gonna work. Like, this is such a worlds-colliding trope like just Give It To Me.

James and Grace - aw mannn Jamie just had me fricking wanting to hit a wall every two seconds cus like yooooooo every single time I think he and Cordelia are gonna stop being emotionally-constipated spouses, Jamie says some kinda shit like "omg me and Daisy are just friends uwu" like DO I NEED TO HIT YOU?????????? See I can't blame him for not slamming the door on Grace's face even tho he totes should- Jamie is so cerebral and kind that even if Grace wasn't using the enchantment on him, I think he would always be soft for her even if it isn't in a romantic way. There's just so much miscommunication cus like he said "Thank God" when she broke off the engagement with Charles and lowkey embraced her but it also wasn't his fault cus it wasn't even romantic BUT OFC IT LOOKED HORRIBLE TO CORDELIA like James literally never told the woman at least once that he loved her so OFC she thought she was back to square one with him dear God above what a mess. Not his fault, but she DID set down one rule for him: don’t cheat with Grace. And yeah even tho he hasn’t properly cheated, it must FEEL horrible to her cus she’s just been enduring the pain of their unrequeted love for so long :((

See imma just say it but if Cordelia thought that James didn't love Grace then she def would have confessed to him about her feelings right but like James, on the other hand, was delaying his own romantic confession cus he was BEING EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED and I can't even say the bracelet was solely to blame cus like my boi was just being so difficult omg I believe he should be lightly spanked by his three parents aka Will, Tessa and Jem *cries*.

Cordelia is such a MOM like she's so mature and stable and her self-preservation instinct? OFF THE CHARTS I love this woman like James definitely treated her well as a hubby but like I JUST WANTED HER TO HAVE CLOSURE ABOUT SOMETHING and boy oh boy she did get that closure she got it good but not from the person she expected in the LEAST *hehe* *pelican screeching*... like Lucie was being sus with the whole ghost business and James was being just, quite a case, dealing with Grace and Belial right and I don't blame them at all for their secrecy and shit but her FATHER DIED and her friends were hiding a lot from her so in a way she turned to Alistair for help but he could only do so much cus of his own pain (she couldn't even talk to her mom cus she's pregnant and she doesn't wanna stress her right) and then there was this emotional block between her and Jamie, Lucie was often absent and conspiring with the dead... the last person remaining was HIM (imma discuss this soon), but yeah my heart just went OUT to her cus she's tryna save herself and her family and she just doesn't know what to do. That's why I love the way her mom told her to stop holding herself back for others and live her own life. Like Cordelia grew on me so much cus in Gold she undoubtedly was a strange Elizabeth Bennet-wallflower hybrid and I... do not usually get attached to wallflowers but in Iron I feel like I finally understood that she was just tryna be unproblematic and self-preserving all along and nottt put her family and friends in a tough situation.... she reminds me of my mom personality-wise so yeah I’m totally rooting for her now that her *situation* in the past seems clearer.

Anna, Thomas and Matthew are such a SQUAD lmfaooooo like united in their gayness they'd be so unstoppable.

Will and Tessa are the most in-love of all the in-loves in this story and I respect that so much.

I lost a year to my life every time the romance between James and Cordelia got cockblocked. Like they were MARRIED and I thought they were gonna at least sleep next to each other at least once BUT NO James couldn't take a hint omg I'm actually gonna eat my fist and sob (but in retrospect, I think this serves a bigger purpose in terms of the narrative structure i.e. the interruption of all the spicy James and Cordelia action serves a bigger purpose which I think brings me to my next section, *exhale*)

Welcome to the Matthew Fairchild Enthusiast Club (this section is me talking out loud; it makes no sense):

bitch.

LISTEN TO ME LISTEN WELL I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH IMMA SCREAM I REALLY AM GONNA SCREAM MY FIST IS LITERALLY IN MY MOUTH *BACKFLIPS OFF THE ROOF WITH LANA DEL REY PLAYING*

Okay like where to BEGIN I think the Shadowhunter boy who I'm most attracted to is Julian while the one I love the most is Will but I think I see myself in Matthew the most. Like ever since that first story where the Thieves all met at the Academy then got expelled, I think that I just KNEW Matthew was destined to be epic. Plus the whole Wilde obsession? I’m no libertine myself but I just love his chaos and passion for life.

NO CUS HE'S SO WITTY AND SWEET AND EPIC AND YET SO SECRETIVE AND DEAR GOD ABOVE AHHHHH WILL HE SURPASS JULIAN FOR ME??? Ion even know but this is just sodjsgdwsdygyegydgef

Hear me out but I said after finishing Gold last March that I wanted this book to be Matthew's healing arc right so halfway into the book when I realized that we weren't getting all that good healing arcing I was confused just cus I thought it seemed natural to address all of his alcohol issues and sadness by now. LITTLE DID I KNOW CASSIE WAS SETTING UP A WHOLE OTHER ARC WITH HIM THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED WTH.

At first I thought Matthew didn't have feelings for anyone at all, and if he DID develop feelings unexpectedly, I fricking thought that maybe he's catching feelings for James, if anyone??? I mean, I did have some suspicions about Matthew from the get-go: like he's so secretive and as readers we think we know everything there is to know about him since we were all privy to the truth potion incident in his short story right BUT NO I GOT PLAYED AND I DESERVE IT SO BADDDDDD.

Listen I hadn't shipped him and Cordelia simply because I never thought it in the realm of possibility but it MAKES SENSE as a ship... think about it: he never says what he feels, he flirts with her like he does with EVERYONE, he is kind to her in the way he is with EVERYONE. Really, Matthew is shippable with everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re taken cus that’s just what his Matthewnes allows for ya feel. There is such a beautiful irony that CORDELIA herself did not see this coming. Even the little teasers and hints in Gold have only NOW started making sense to me likejhss. I just felt like the hints in book 1 did not indicate to me that Matthew really harbored real romantic feelings for Daisy. I thought he was upset that James and Cordelia were being fakes, not a developing CRUSH on the woman fgs.

Not to mention that you usually sense a ship building when the emotional connection or sexual tension between the characters is made clearer but to me their FRIENDSHIP grew right but it didn’t feel like Cordelia was thought that she liked him or he liked her so that means me and Cordelia are clowns *together* 😤

Okay I was lowkey having SUSPICIONS but I immediately shut them down right... like firstly when he took her to the White Horse in his car and she went OFF and OFF and off about how she felt free for the first time? I thought Cassie was just tryna develop Cordelia's self-liberation arc through Matthew there. Heck, I didn't even think ANYTHING of it when Matthew confession to Cordelia about the "truth potion" incident at all cus I was like they're FRIENDS??? BUT now it's adding up now...

See when they were at the inn place and he was telling her that she doesn't in the least seem like a 100 year-old married woman? I was like hmmmm he's so sweet but why did Cassie phrase it like that like??? When Cordelia later reiterated that she thought Matthew's flirting was “meaningless”?? I was like hmmm kinda SUS tho. And then when he and James had their fight over the way Jamie kissed Grace like again I thought he was just like? ion know? mad at James for it but I didn't think he was in LOVE with Cordelia??? So I immediately put aside my slight suspicions. The probability that he had a crush on James at that point seemed more likely to me.

BUT THEN it started hitting me that every time Matthew drank, even before he explained his issue with the truth potion, that Cordelia would note it, she would worry about him, she would think of her father which seemed so poetic to me, history repeating itself and all that but this time you can FIX it??? Yeah, but again I didn't think the L WORD would be involved man???

Now imma sound like a delulu shipper here but it just makes sense they would develop feelings logically- reason being that it definitely is possible based on the way Cassie set up the story, like there's a combination of little “friend things” that can turn this into a proper ship: Matthew rescues Cordelia in the ballroom when Grace captures James' attention in Gold. Cordelia sees her father in Matthew all the time but knows now she has a chance to be there for him in the way she couldn't have been there for Elias (classic “history repeats itself” trope, she doesn't want Matthew drinking in Paris like dhshghdfhdhch). Cordelia tastes freedom for the first time when driving with Matthew. Matthew caught James and Cordelia making out in the room and was pissed but not even HE properly knew why then??? Umm, when she thinks James is forreal cheating with Grace on her she subconsciously goes to Matthew??? I also found it funny just how every intimate marital moment between her and James got interrupted somehow. Like, it's as if the narrative is just a living force REFUSING to let James and Cordelia as a ship be consecrated. Heck, every time Matthew is scantily clothed Cordelia notes it. LITTLE CRUMBS I TELL YOU LITTLE CRUMBS.

I tell you when Cordelia showed up to Matthew's flat I thought they were gonna f*ck as friends but I got SOMETHING EVEN BETTER SOMEHOW

THEY ARE GOING TO PARIS LA BELLE EPOQUE PARIS THE PARIS OF DREAMS AND ART LIKE??? FRICKKKKK I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALLLL MAN? I deadass thought the story would be restrained to the UK but like it MAKES SENSE the trope subversion MAKES SENSE.

“In Paris, with you, I will not need to forget.” SHITTRGEGGGDG

BUT CORDELIA LOVES JAMES TOO LIKE I CAN'T DENY THAT... where are we GOING with this like Matthew wouldn't lie about his feelings and yet Cassie wouldn't give us Matthew and Cordelia crumbs to only end it in the next book immediately for her to just ditch him for James. I mean she was clearly holding back on fleshing out James and Cordelia as a ship for this but to WHAT END??? Daisy feels wild and free with Matthew and she feels warm at home warm with James. I can’t advocate for the sinking of ANY ship here.

Imma say what we're all thinking: Is she gonna give us a Will x Jem x Tessa type situation where Cordelia gets both of them cus I'm not strong enough for this but I also think it'd be really funny if James gets a surprise bi awakening in the next books and then we get POLY even tho this would never happen, it’s actually impossible, because of the whole parabatai thing.

Listen I ship Cordelia and Matthew much more than Cordelia and James, not that I dislike James in any way tho. It's just: Matthew is so unrestrained and she's so composed. They seem like an unlikely pair so it makes sense that they hit harder for me. James and Cordelia have such similar personalities but I ALSO don't ship James with Grace at all so like?? Poly would be... ideal... but it can’t happen especially cus they are fricking parabatai... a Will-Jem-Tessa situation seems more likely but mannnn ion know what to expect. I just want FAIRSTAIRS to have their moment in Paris. I mean James and Matthew clearly don't abhor each other for this.

Take everything I say with several grains of salt, take everything I say with the whole Dead Sea actually, cus I damn well know that Matthew is so flirty and whatnot that I’d have shipped him with anyone in their little circle but now that she set him up with Cordelia it all feels so right?? I have wanted this man in a good relationship since he walked onto the page in Nothing But Shadows so-

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I can't believe Cassia duped me like this omg, Matthew is gonna have his healing arc in Paris with Cordelia by his side like- THIS IS ALL I HAVE WANTED AND SO MUCH MORE. Question to yall btw: are you all as surpised at Fairstairs as me or did yall see it coming all along like smart people? Am I a lone clown? 🥺

BRUH okay criticisms of CC?:

Lmfao a part of me feels like I GOTTA say something bad about CC or the book but honestly I have no objective complaints about it as of now. Am I saying that it’s the PEAK of Young Adult literature and Urban Fantasy? I mean, I make no such claims tbh. I’m not here to be critical when I read as a hobby and when CC’s writing makes me happy regardless of how flawed some people see it.

Okay what next?

So like I’m excited for the adult high fantasy she’s releasing in the fall and whatever other works she might be releasing outside of Chain of Gold within the Chronicles.

As for TLH itself? Man I’m just VIBING like I suspect I will reread Chain of Iron soon and maybe one of the anthologies just because I am happy that this series actually happened after me waiting like 6 years for it when it was just a concept: a Dickensian retelling filled with poetry and culture and history and the conventions I so loved in TID at age 12. This is all I been wanting tbh. I’m just enjoying watching this series come to fruition for it to inspire and transform me in some way. I feel like in a way my coming-of-age aligns with that of these specific characters yet I ALSO feel like I raised Jamie since infancy. Wack.

MATTHEW AND CORDELIA IN FRANCE LA BELLE EPOQUE TO BE EXACT IMMA CRY I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AND AHHHHHH. ALSO WILL AND JAMIE GOING TO CORNWALL TO GET LUCIE AND MAYBE BOND I LOVE WILL. HE WAS ONE OF MY DILF AWAKENINGS AT AGE 12 AND NOW HE’S HERE AGAIN IMMA CRY. I WANNA SEE MATTHEW GET HAPPY. AHHH.

Ending with a fun quote: “In the wise words of someone or other, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Maurice.” 😉

[toonformers]

Design number two, Optimus and Sentinel Prime, complete with height reference chart!

I redesigned Optimus but lets say for lore purposes, the technology for compressing Cybetronians to look humanoid has been developed even more and basically perfected.

But I wanna talk about Senti here, cuz there's some stuff to unravel here lol! So you may or may not remember (for those who don't know) when Naturae's life was destroyed, Sentinel scavenged the planet for survivors. No luck, he only came back with a seed and a note for Optimus from his lover, Shira, saying to take care of it and love it as Oppy loved her.

Sentinel wasn't very...keen to the idea of Optimus having an organic lover. However, he would help him go out with Shira and not be seen. He was willing to keep a secret, with the mentality of "This won't last long." And that mentality stuck with him, even after the news of Shira's death. Ultra Magnus' new law for all Autobots...

[Inside Fortress Maximus]

*Optimus is staring at the seed from Shira, and the note. He'd just compressed his body for the organic appearance and put on a vest with pants*

Sentinel: *slams door open* Optimus!

Optimus, surprised: Sentinel. I see you got the news.

Sentinel, angered: Yeah, I got the news. What have you done to your body? Why is everyone else supposed to do it?

Optimus: Ultra Magnus thought it would be a good way to appease the grief of others over the loss of Naturae and its people.

Sentinel, angered: Don't lie to me. I know you did this to mourn your little romance. What I don't understand is why you're making the entire planet do it!

Optimus: It's not my decision what Ultra Magnus passes as a law and you know it.

Sentinel, angered: But you very clearly influenced him. Don't deny it!

Optimus, annoyed: Fine, I won't. Happy?

Sentinel, angered: You still haven't answered why you want everyone to do this.

Optimus: ...The Naturians...they saw the world differently compared to us. Down to creation. They don't see machines or technology. They don't see sparks of energy or metal. They see life. What life is. What it can be. How it all connected. I want our culture to have that.

Sentinel, annoyed: Optimus, we are machines. We don't have reproduction or flesh or a fragile nature. We're beings who are forged. Built to last eons without a scratch. What differences us from any other machines is our sparks. That's what connects us. That's what makes us Cybertronians. The ability to have an AI so complex it's basically a soul. I for one and happy with that.

Optimus: Well, I'm not. I don't like this idea of "we're machines so we're better than everyone". Because we're not better. We have so much to learn. You especially.

Sentinel: *takes the seed away from Optimus*

Optimus: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Sentinel: This is the problem. You spent way too much time around those organics. I should've separated you two as soon as I suspected your little fling.

Optimus, furious: It's not a fling, Sentinel! She was the one! Shira was the one I wanted to spend my life with! I loved her!

Sentinel, angered: You're judgment has been blinded! You didn't love her!

Optimus, furious: Oh, what do you know about love?! How could you know how it feels to have finally found the being you're going to spend the rest of you're life with, only for them to DIE and you living with the guilt FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW HOW THAT FEELS?!

Sentinel: *stares in shock and slowly gives the seed back*

Optimus: Thank you. Now please leav...Sentinel?

Sentinel, whispering: *approaches Optimus* How that feels? You mean how it feels to fall in love in the Autobot Academy? How you planned to confess your feelings after completing a mission that you were sure you were gonna succeed. Primus, with your baby brother and friend by your side, it's a guaranteed success. Then...she dies. Because the organics who lived in the planet you visited were hostile and numerous. You blame your brother for not letting you go back for her but deep down, you know. And you have to live with the fact it's all my.... *voice cracks* fault.

Optimus: Sentinel?

*Sentinel walks away silently*

[Hours later, with Ultra Magnus]

Optimus: ...and I haven't seen him after that. I thought maybe he'd gone to see you.

UM: No, I haven't seen him. It's strange. Sentinel is not usually the emotional type. I wonder where he could have gone.

Guard: *bursts through the door* Commander! An emergency! In the medbay! It's Sentinel Prime!

[At the medbay]

UM: Perceptor. What happened?

Perceptor: Sentinel Prime had locked himself in the room and repeatedly used the appearance compressor. I estimate he went in 6 times before collapsing and loosing consciousness.

UM: Primus.

Optimus, worried: Why would he do that?? Where is he?

Perceptor: He's undergoing some repairs. Unfortunately there have been some complications. Normally the compressor can be used once, twice for aesthetic purposes. More than that can damage the exoskeleton. Sentinel having gone in 6 times has caused himself severe internal injuries. Among them...his T-cog.

UM, worried: What's wrong with it?

Perceptor: It's been crushed to a scrap. And as you know, T-cogs are irreplaceable, due to its technology being mostly unknown to science. We've not yet mastered how to build replacement cogs. Unfortunately...Sentinel Prime's transformation ability...has been terminated permanently.

Optimus, shocked: No. Magnus!

UM, sad: Sentinel...

Perceptor: It seems he wanted to fully commit to the organic lifestyle. He didn't explain why. He only said "He needs this."

Optimus: I need to see him.

UM: Take us to him.

Perceptor: Very well.

[Sentinel's med room]

*Ultra Magnus and Optimus enter to see a thin Sentinel, trying on clothing. He turns and stares at his brothers*

Optimus: Sentinel! *hugs Sentinel, Ultra Magnus joins*

Sentinel: Heh. Didn't think you'd want to see me.

UM: Are you joking, you malfunction? What have you done?? Do you realize what this has done to you??

Sentinel: I know.

Optimus: Sentinel, why did you do this? You could've gone offline! Now your T-cog is gone! You'll never transform again! Why?? Why do this?

Sentinel: ...remember what I said earlier? About...the thing with...

Optimus: Yeah?

Sentinel: After that happened, I continued my studies like normally. And it's one of my biggest regrets, because I didn't take the time to mourn Elita One. I never fully recovered from the pain. Now you're going through the same thing I did. And instead of helping you during this time, I was mocking you. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. And...to help you get through this, I decided to follow Ultra Magnus' rule. While taking it to a much...further extent.

Optimus, surprise: Sentinel....

Sentinel: Let's make this clear. I....dislike organics. A lot. But if you think this is what Cybertron needs to progress and what you need to feel better, I'll do it.

Optimus: Senti...come here, you idiot! *hugs* Thank you. You look great.

Sentinel: I know. *smirks*

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Ghosts’ Journey: (Part 1) Wooden Dolls

The game does NOT convey the true horror of Black Swan Bay.... Feel free to refer to this as a lore post. @rurifangirl by request

You arrive at the Takamagahara at around 3am, soaked to the bone and disheveled.  The rain was still falling, though it had let up somewhat. You're shocked to hear the voices of the four men immediately after you open the door.

"MC! You're okay!" Lu Mingfei's greeting was full of joyful relief. "I'm so glad. I saw you fall from the tower and…"

"MC!" At the same time he spoke, Caesar’s haughty voice was like a trumpet. "There you are! I was considering sending out a search party for you!"

Chu Zihang’s voice was one of quiet amazement.  "You made it!"

"It's the woman of the hour!" Fingel raised his glass.

The Nightclub was already closed. The floor was empty and the lights were out save those illuminating the bar. They were all still drinking. An open bottle of whiskey was next to them and half filled glasses of ice were stationed by each of them. They were dry so they must have been here for a bit, but they seemed to be waiting for you!

It was the surprise party you didn't know you needed. The night had started with a bugged conversation with Bondarev and Herzog, two men you'd be happy to kill, and ended, once again, fighting hordes of Deadpool.

You brush your hair back and smile, resting one hand on your hip.  "Is this MC Romance Contest season two?" You approach the bar. "Thanks for leaving the rope there for me to get down." You nodded to Fingel and straightened your shirt. "Ms. Yabuki's ok as well." Then you freeze. "What are you wearing?" 

Fingel was dressed in a suit that sparkled silver in the dim neon lights! He looked like a bowl of glitter had gained sentience. "Do you like it?"

You pause, recalling Ruri's polite treatment of Fingel's performing career. "I … can definitely see you better!"

Caesar waves you over to a stool between him and Chu Zihang and pours you a glass from the bottle of whiskey. "Sorry it took so long. I was extra careful to be sure I wasn't followed." You say.

Chu Zihang nods. "Wise. But likely unneeded. The Hydra have their hands full cleaning up the mess under the Tokyo Tower and thinking of ways to explain this disaster."

You raise your glass to your lips and sip. Your smile remains but it's as bitter as the whiskey in your hands. "You don't realize how much Bondarev wants me dead. He was trying to entrap me in that tower the whole time we were fighting deadpool. It's some dedication. "

"Then we have good news! Sources within Hydra say Tachibana is dead! So you can rest easy there!" Fingel strikes his superman pose, puffing out chest and displaying the wiry hairs that peeked out of his low cut collar.

You freeze and fix Fingel with a cold stare of denial. Your mind races. “Bondarev is dead? No…"

"It's true!" As Fingel speaks he pantomimes the scene. "There were deadpool in the underground garage! Chisei was driving in Tachibana's Mercedes alone but the exit ramp was slicked with oil by the Devil Clan! Tachibana used Chisei's Hummer to push him up the ramp, but he was too wounded to continue himself so he set the ramp and the car ablaze and burned to death inside to kill the beasts! It was quite the noble sacrifice of a father for a son." Fingel sighed dramatically. 

Your frown deepens, unimpressed. "Yeah, that's how I know it's bullshit. That man doesn't sacrifice himself for anyone. Period. He wants to disappear."

Fingel deflated.

"Why?" Lu Mingfei is shocked. 

You look at him, you snarl like a dog, barking low in its growl. "To chase me! I knew it! He wasn’t going to let me go! I am a witness! I am strong. I understand him on a deep level! I have to die. He will chase me to the end. The only reason I didn't kill him on that tower was because Chisei would have snapped me in half!"

Fingel stares wide eyed at you. Caesar and Chu Zihang exchange glances from either side of you.

"You should have seen him there,  acting sorry and repentant. 'Oh, what I did was wrong. I can never be redeemed!'" You clasp your hands over your heart and roll your eyes to the heavens. Then you point your finger to the table. "He's got Chisei hypnotized, thinking he's somehow a murderer but actually really good at heart! And now that he's dead in a sacrificial manner, Chisei may never be convinced otherwise! It's absolutely genius." 

You sip your glass and tilt your head. "I can't leave this place. Hell, he might already know I'm here. I didn't see anyone tailing me but maybe he already knows and is cutting Hydra attachments so he can tie up loose ends like me before resurrecting the White King. I did the right thing by coming here late… but was it enough?" You calm your smile and Caesar offers you a cigarette.  You wave him away. "I'm good. Where's Ruri? Has anyone heard from him?"

Caesar tucked the cigarette back into the carton. "That's what we were waiting to discuss. We searched the area where Ruri Kazama disappeared on the glider and found the King General trying to drag him into a black Maybach car."

You had been about to sip the whiskey again but nearly dropped the glass, spilling some of it on the table. "What? But I saw him get cut to pieces! His head was cut off. No one could survive that!"

You look between Caesar and Chu Zihang and Lu Mingfei, but they all had the same serious expression. 

Chu Zihang smoothly cleaned up your mess with a napkin in silence.

"He is alive. We all saw him standing next to the car. His eyes were red and gold. Like a Dragon King." Lu Mingfei said quietly. 

Caesar murmured, his eyes dull. "Or maybe some sort of spirit."

Chu Zihang seems equally discouraged, tossing the napkin in a waste bin with characteristic accuracy.  "My mind doesn't accept a belief in things like ghosts. But I can't come up with an explanation.  There have been many things I have seen in Japan that defy explanation.  But this…"

A heavy silence descended over the five of you.

"So Herzog… and Bondarev got away?" You ask. They all nodded. It was undeniable.  You just had to accept it.

Your mouth has gone dry and you lick your lips, feeling sick to your stomach. "Is Ruri ok?" 

"We got to him in time. He wasn't physically hurt. But Herzog used some mind control method to stop the man from fighting back. A clapper sound." Caesar said. “Like a banging of two sticks together.”

At the words ‘clapper sound’, you understand and hear it in your head. That hollow tapping of two pieces of wood, like a loud metronome. It grows louder and louder and fills your head.  Your eyes go wide and dull as though the bright and vibrant soul behind them had fled to hide.

You remembered yourself as a child playing a game of soccer.  The score was close. You were tearing across the grass and looked over at Anton. He was growing more handsome by the day and his smile was particularly warm to you today. You swiped the ball with your foot to pass it to him and, as you did, you heard it. 

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The soccer ball rolled past Anton and collided with the fence. Anton stood straight and stiff, eyes rolled back. The sound of children at play instantly cut off, like someone had muted a television set. All the children in the field stood like wooden dolls. You were the only one alive. 

A nurse loomed in the gate with the blocks of wood, staring at you with black cold eyes.

This was not the first flashback you’d had of Black Swan Bay. The first one occurred in Genji Heavy Industries, when Caesar in disguise was confronted by a furious Nanami Sakurai. She struck him across the face. The sound of it sent you back to a memory of you accidentally breaking dishes and being struck like that. In that sudden surge of panic, you had grabbed Caesar's hand and hurried out of the elevator until he stopped you.

He described you as a ‘scared rabbit’.

It wasn’t Herzog you feared. You didn’t fear the beatings or the solitary confinement or the painful needles. You feared the black-eyed nurses you worked with every single day. A single bad report, a single stroke of a pen, they could send you away in the dark medical room and turn you into a wooden doll!

So in the field, you stiffen your arms and dull your eyes. You march to the designated spot in line and place your hands on the shoulders of the doll-like child in front of you. Another doll-like child put her hands on your shoulders. They check the cloth cuffs of the children one by one as they exit the playground. You’re wearing a cloth cuff.

You were child number 21....

“Easy, I think she’s coming out of it.” The voice sounded far away. “MC you’re having a flashback. Take a deep breath.”

Just like the flashback in Genji Heavy Industries, the dream was gone as soon as it came. You’re gasping uncontrollably. You weren’t in Black Swan Harbor. You weren’t standing before the dark eyed nurse who could take your soul away!

You were just in the Takamagahara Nightclub. There was no one but Caesar and Chu Zihang, Lu Mingfei and Fingel.

“Easy.” Chu Zihang’s voice was gentle.

Fingel was frozen like a statue in a state of shock. Lu Mingfei only looked concerned. “MC are you okay?”

Your breathing slows and you start to feel embarrassed. Your mind comes back to you but you can’t remember what the subject of the conversation was. You realize that you’re shaking and sweating. You clasp your hands tightly and squeeze hard, letting the pain repress the emotion. It was the only way you knew how to stuff everything back in the box where it had spilled out. “I’m sorry. Just … give me a minute.”

Caesar’s eyes lift to Chu Zihang’s. “We actually considered calling a psychiatrist for Ruri Kazama but I'm thinking we need one for you too.”

You nod, responding to Caesar but talking to yourself. “That’s right. We were talking about Ruri. Herzog’s mind control. I… I forgot.”

Caesar reached out and you closed the gap between his hand and yours. You’d squeezed so hard you’d bruised yourself with your own fingerprints. “We just need to know how it works.” Caesar said.

“Right.” You take another deep breath. “Almost all the children in Black Swan Bay had their heads cut at a very young age. The children all had a brain surgery that made them susceptible to the sound. The last one I remember getting it was Vera. The nurses couldn’t deal with her stutter. They would beat her and try to make her talk well. They just got sick of it. One morning, I woke up and she had the bandages wrapped around her head. She still stuttered, but if the nurses tapped the woodblock she spoke without the stutter, so it was easy for them.”

Fingel’s hand was over his mouth and Lu Mingfei’s look of horror was not a farce. Unlike Chu Zihang and Caesar Gattuso who had discussed Black Swan Harbor with Ruri Kazama before, this was their first initiation to the nightmare that was your world as a child.

“Did you have this surgery?” Caesar gently asked.

“No. I was lucky because I made Dr. Herzog laugh. I was still… in the pediatric creche… area?” You struggled to find words because you only experienced that time in Russian. “They kept this iron bar cover over the beds at night so you couldn’t get up. One day, I lost a tooth. I hid the tooth in my mouth all day until the nurse came to shut the beds over us at night. Then I shoved the tooth in the latch. She was in a hurry, so she didn’t realize it hadn’t locked all the way.”

“I was able to climb out of my crib. All the children either were too young to be able to escape or had their heads cut and were recovering at that time, so… no one was watching. I got out into the hallway and everything was dark. But Dr. Herzog was there, smoking a cigar. I didn’t know I was scared of him. So I just said… Hi! Are you … are you Santa?”

You suddenly cover your face with your hands when you remember his smile. His laughter. He laughed so much. You laughed too, something you’d never done. It felt good to laugh. Your mind was flooded with happy feelings. After that, you were favored. Even if the nurses had a complaint he would wave it away. Herzog didn’t cut your brain because he thought you were funny. 

Even now, you’re laughing, you’re laughing low, almost like sobs, but you’re smiling. You know you shouldn’t laugh. This is terrible. It’s horrible. Horrific. But you’re laughing. Santa... are you Santa? The words echoed in your head. Absolutely hilarious.

“We should stop. We got our answer.” Chu Zihang said quietly.

You smell the scent of cigarettes and it buoy’s you back to reality. You rub your hands dry on your pants. “If he can control Ruri with the woodblock then his brain has been cut.”

Your voice is dull and  your eyes empty.

No one said anything for a long time. 

“Can I go see him?” You finally ask.

They had arranged for Ruri Kazama to sleep in the most secluded bedroom at the end of the hallway, just a wall away from the luxurious bathroom where they had been temporarily housed. He wasn’t dressed in his costume any more, but wore a simple cotton white shirt and straight cotton pants. A pair of comfortable gray sneakers rested by the door. He was once a devil of great evil, with strength comparable to the emperor Chisei, not yielding to anyone, ferociously trying to assassinate Herzog, but now his power and iron-like will have been taken away. He was a wooden doll staring at the roof in the dark room, his eyes blinking gently at long intervals, his gaze unfocused.

The pain is so intense you want to scream, but you can’t. This hurt. It hurt worse than Chance’s death because this was a fate worse than death. The evil of the nurses had reached out their skeletal pale hands from Black Swan and seized the soul of Ruri Kazama before you even had the chance to know him. You staggered to his bedside and collapsed to your knees. You grip your hands in your hair and tears rolled down your face. They were heavy, large enough to tickle your nose, like the tropical rain that was falling out of the sky. But you didn’t move and you didn’t make a sound. You grit your teeth and hold it in.

Eventually, Caesar comes to check on you. “Hey, you should get changed before you catch cold.”

“I don’t want to leave him.” Your voice is broken and sad in the dark. He would see you kneeling on a floor that was speckled with the dark marks under your face.

Caesar left for a moment and after a few minutes returned with a towel and a pair of pajamas. Then he closed the door again. You dry yourself off as best you can and change. You don’t care that Ruri’s right in front of you. He won’t remember anything.

Even as you climb into the bed under the warm and soft quilt, he doesn’t move until your cold body presses against his warm skin and your cold hands touch his face. It’s a shiver reaction and a slight gasp. Such basic, physical responses are all a soulless Black Swan Bay child could manage after all. Holding him was like holding a teddy bear. An inanimate thing. “Ruri...” You whisper, knowing he wouldn’t hear or be able to answer you.

Anton died in this state. You told people that Anton was shot in front of you by the man you viewed as your father. But really, his soul had left before that. Herzog approached the boy in the wheelchair and banged the woodblock. Anton’s hollow eyes lit up with a faint golden glow under them. He slowly turned his head to look at Bondarev, like a cold-blooded animal examining its prey.

[vampiresuns]

Corazón Ardiente

2.3k words. Preparing themselves to cross the Strait of Sirens, the crew of The Jagged Ruby runs into another pirate ship. Alternative, in which Julianus makes an unlikely friend. Contains 🍋

The crew of The Jagged Ruby and El Corazón Sangrante, such as Captain Rodrigo and his Quartermaster Jacqui, belong to @apprenticealec​. You can also check their map and lore about the Strait of Sirens here.​

This is the opening part of Part VI of Secrets of An Ancient Moon Series. Part VI will be divided in three parts: Corazón Ardiente, Corazón Sufriente and Corazón Sangrante.

Want to read more of these series? You can find it’s masterpost here.

This part also introduces the fictional country of ‘Altazor’, a latino fictional country where Julianus is from — other Alzoreño characters in my fictional universe are Louisa De Silva and her son: Aelius Anatole Radošević.

It wasn’t too long past the break of dawn when Jules heard the door open, making the sea breeze from outside enter the room. Its coolness made them bury themselves a little further into the sheets, though they kept enough of their head above the covers to peek an eye open. Saoirse’s outline closed the door of their quarters, making the door click behind them.

Jules yawned, sitting up on the bed, holding the covers up only for the sake of warmth. Saoirse smiled at them. 

“Did I wake you up?”

“No,” they said as they stretched. “What were you doing?”

“Feeding Marcius for you.” Saoirse paused, as if unsure of what to do next. “Do you want me to go back to bed with you, or are you alright? It’s still too early for anything to happen… Meredith is not awake yet.”

Jules patted the side of the bed next to them, but Saoirse hesitated again. 

“What is it?”

“Should I join you with or without clothes?”

“That depends.”

“On?”

“What you want, what I may want. I could just go back to sleep, you were a wonderful pillow,” they smiled; Saoirse thought they looked adorable with a bedhead and a sleepy smile on their face. “But I also wouldn’t mind not going back to sleep, if that’s what you were wondering.”

The Quartermaster licked their own lips, a distinctively human gesture. J. C. couldn’t help but wonder where, or who, they had picked it up from. They wondered about all such mannerisms in them, marvelling at the entity standing before them. As Saoirse took their shirt off, they asked them why they were looking at them like that. 

Julianus shrugged. “Aren’t you a curious entity?” 

“Care to tell me why?” Saoirse asked as they got back in bed. They faced Julianus, tucking their mussed up hair behind one of their ears. “I don’t think there’s anything particularly curious about this, us.”

“No, not us,” Jules paused to kiss the corner of their mouth. “I just find it wonderfully delightful that someone such as you would choose to model themself after beings such as humans. You’re so alike us in our lack of similarities.” 

Saoirse huffed through their nose. An undecipherable gesture that made Jules wonder if they did such things on purpose, or if they naturally to them. They didn’t ask however, allowing Saoirse space if they needed any. As their presence began acquiring that incomprehensible, vast feeling it often had, their eyes wandered all over them. However, Julianus no longer found it strange. Even if it prickled at them, they had learnt to find it comforting. 

That was Saoirse, their Saoirse. 

Neither of them should’ve been surprised they ended up having sex again. Why or who began it they didn’t know, nor they cared. Saoirse wanted to make use of Jules’ word that along with nights there would be mornings, and other moments, wanting to file away their many moods — both Jules’ and their own, and theirs as something which went together. Jules just wanted, simple as that. The day hadn’t begun yet, and given they weren’t nearly as quick as Saoirse was with their own tasks, not having had centuries to grow accustomed to them (as well as generally having a better capacity to finish tasks in one go). They weren’t going to pass on the opportunity to have the Quartermaster for themself just a little longer.

The distant but growing sound of drums had other plans, however. 

Saoirse went still, getting out of bed as they claimed Meredith would not be happy about this. They moved across their quarters as if nothing had interrupted them, stopping only when J. C. cleared their throat. They look vaguely irritated.

“If you could explain—“ 

Saoirse turned with a reassuring smile, telling them it was nothing of importance, just something Meredith wouldn’t like. It didn’t require Julianus, so Saoirse told them to feel free to dress at their leisure. Before they could dwell a moment longer, however, they were gone. 

Right, duty called. Now alone, Julianus set themself on getting ready, though it took them a moment to stir themselves into leaving the bed. They resigned themselves to their fate fast rather than slowly. At least the drumming, whatever its source, provided a nice ambience sound for it. It was energetic, like a Murga inviting Jules to join.

A Murga… when was the last time they had witnessed one? They must’ve been 17, 18 at most. Ten years was a long time, though sitting in bed to float over the waters of nostalgia wouldn’t get them anywhere, as tempting as it was, they knew better now, with time. Though the memories remained, they began moving. Sometimes, one had to sit with the discomfort and carry on — it’s lessons would come eventually.

A quick splash to their face, a scrub, some basic skin care, underwear, pants, a shirt, earrings and shoes. Only which ones? Meredith being otherwise occupied meant they had a little more time to dwell on their appearance, and Julianus used every extra moment they had. They didn’t have any breakfast duties that week, they could indulge. They settled on a pair of knee high lace ups, standing on one foot to adjust them. 

As they tried to keep their balance, a soft knock came from the other side of the door. They stumbled forward, clinging onto a small table in order not to fall. With the rattle, the person behind the door opened it. 

“Saoirse?” 

“Uh, not precisely.” 

The person was tall, tall enough to have to duck their head into Saoirse’s quarters, even if they lingered by the door. Jules did not have a good eye for measuring by estimation, but they knew they were definitely taller than Saoirse. They assumed that if they were specifically looking for them, they must know them.

The stranger acted with a gentle poise to them, somehow all amused, awkward and trying not to alarm Jules. It was nice of them, even if they didn’t know them, and by all means, from their perspective, the stranger in a friend’s room was Jules, not them. 

“I can see that. Unless Saoirse decided they wanted a change of look.”

Jules frowned, letting their mouth run loose. “Would they? I mean, we’re talking about someone who isn’t precisely pressed about appearances.” 

They both stared at each other in silence for a couple of moments, Jules adjusting their boots after a soft-spoken ‘excuse me’. 

“If you keep balancing yourself on one foot, you’ll fall again— pardon me, but are you—?”

Saoirse’s voice came from behind the stranger, a smile audible in it. “I tell them that all the time. Hi, Jacqui. Were you looking for me?”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

It turned out the drums came from the same place Jacqui, whom Jules knew only by the letters from him that Saoirse had shared with them, came from: Captain Rodrigo Aguilar’s El Corazón Sangrante, from the Sea of Persepia. Some business or the other had taken the Captain and his ship away from their sea, now making their return to it, as the quinquennial Pirate Meeting approached.

Jacqui, Rodrigo’s Quartermaster and Saoirse’s friend, had seen The Jagged Ruby from afar and convinced Rodrigo it would be better to join them in the cross of the Strait of Seals into Hinode. Winds weren’t favourable, and while it wasn’t a feeding season, another phenomenon Jules didn’t quite manage to understand made it desirable to have the most amount of aid possible crossing the strait. 

“We should just be thankful Inuwashi isn’t near.” 

“Is that Syd’s ship?” Jules asked. “Is there any particular reason for that or—?”

Saoirse was the one to reply: “The Sirens hate the ship,” they said with a shrug, “it makes it harder to cross after.”

“But the Sirens,” Jacqui said, giving Rodrigo a look, “like your songs.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Rodrigo said, rolling his eyes. “Whatever works: I don’t wanna become fish food, and I assume neither do you, Mere,—”

“Don’t call me that,” Meredith snarled at him. 

Julianus made a mental note to ask Saoirse what was up with those two, and why they hated each other, or rather, why Meredith hated Rodrigo so much. Because from what Julianus could see, Rodrigo seemed too busy trying to flirt with her. He put a hand on her shoulder, and Meredith looked like she was ready to bite his hand off. Jacqui and Saoirse gave out equally long-suffering sighs. 

Jules suddenly understood why —among all the other reasons Saoirse had given— they were friends. What they failed to notice, however, was Rodrigo looking at them. 

“But now,” he said, with his Nopali accented common tongue, “you. You I haven’t met.”

Jacqui cursed. 

“Me?”

“Drigo leave them out of this… what are you even doing here, Sanlaurento?”

“Legal counsel should be present at all times?”

Meredith rolled her eyes at them. “Scatter off.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

The time to get to know Jacqui would come later, after both crews had disembarked in Hinode to stay the night there. They would not make it out of the Strait in one day with the weather and wind conditions, so it would be safer to stay the night on land if they planned to sleep without the risk of sleepwalking into the water, and becoming a tasty midnight snack for the beings luring said waters. 

He was surprisingly gentle, incredibly soft spoken and very, very smart. He was very observant, prone to retreating into himself while being simultaneously aware of what was going on around him. He was also very, very aware of where Rodrigo was at all times. 

They had begun talking about Saoirse’s language and their individual journeys to learn it, eventually moving into other topics. Julianus had asked how Jacqui met Saoirse —since they had never asked Saoirse themselves because, per their own admission, they forgot to ask— and Jacqui asked how Jules had ended up in Meredith’s ship.

They also talked briefly about Altazor, Jules home country.

It was located in the furthest, western end of the Bulan Range, with the City of Altazor as its capital. It was the southernmost of the West Bulan countries and had its own convoluted history. Originally coexisting in relative harmony with the indigenous populations of the area, a military regime had risen out of an old power dispute a couple of decades before Julianus was born. They had been born during the first years of the transition back into civilian hands, but the damage dealt was already done. What the tyrants had done to the Country was, to Julianus and anyone else with half a mind to it, unspeakable and unforgivable. 

Of course, not everyone thought like that, but that was another story.

Julianus had lived in Altazor until their 20th birthday — having begun their legal studies there, they were transferred to Sirenia on a special request. They described the choice as ‘something’; whether the right or wrong something they didn’t know, and they told Jacqui as much. 

“I applied to the Sea Palace as well, I was forced to, because you know,” the paused to take a drink, “there’s certain… charm about the endless escalating capacity of the Petite Bourgeoisie. Nothing like the dog eats dog tradition of it and the class it seeks to imitate. Needless to say, the Sea Palace said I was, how was it? ‘A low-pedigree, insubstantial applicant, with more enthusiasm than talent’. I, however, said I preferred to die on the side street than study with grave robbers and gatekeepers. My mother wasn’t happy, but she also wasn’t happy about what the Scholars called me, so...”

They smiled against their glass, Jacqui’s laughter as their companion. 

“You’re lucky.” 

“Meh, but thank you, I suppose.” 

Their talk about the Sea Palace and those places they both had left behind at some point (even if neither of them talked openly about those) carried onto politics, international news, the state of the world; places they wanted to visit, authors they had read. Both of them talked animatedly about this or that, exchanging points of views and debating ideas like nothing else pressed them in the world. They acquired a lightness to them, finding themselves less weighed down by the things they did not talk of.

If only for a night, both of them could be what a part of them had always desired they were: two travelling scholars. Only that. Two people had all the time in the world to dissect it and pick it up again, ever-marvelling at everything it may have to offer.

Two people for whom the horizon was a goal, not an impossibility. 

The conversation paused when Saoirse offered to go get them drinks again, leaving both of the newly found friends in comfortable silence, with the sounds of the Koizumi Inn surrounding them. 

“You’re nice to talk to,” Jules said with a smile. “It’s hard to find people who simply understand.”

Jacqui looked at them like they had grown a second head. “I don’t know how to take that. I don’t even know what that means.”

“As a compliment because it was one.” They paused to nurse their glass, taking a sip of their drink. “You don’t have to tell me anything, and I do apologise if I’m overstepping but you kind of have the energy of someone who everything which they are, which matters the most to them, did not come easy. Saoirse has it, in their own way, Meredith has it for sure, you do. I think it takes a lot of guts to look in the eye of everyone who ever expected something of you and say ‘No, I will not sacrifice myself for this’.”

[urmomsstuntdouble]

Ok so I may be doing a thing so... which songs do you think have the general vibes of "we're semi-immortal nations who have lived longer than any human"? Sorry if this is kind of hard but I like your concepts of nation lore and I'm wondering if you were ever inspired by any songs

i love this ask anon! and thank you! i do want to mention that there will be a heavy bias towards english speaking and american artists on this list, and getting other perspectives on this is probably also a good idea. but anyway! list! (which since its kind of long i shall also put on an spotify link)

Hand in My Pocket- Alanis Morissette

this song feels like acceptance to me, and i think it’s important to put on this list because imagine you’re born and you know there’s something different about you, and then when you’re like 8 years old someone’s like oh by the way. you’re the human representation of the country we’re currently living in, or smth like that. i would cry. i think it’d take a while to accept, and that a lot of them don’t really like themselves, but this just feels hopeful and ok and i think its very good. 

Into the West- Annie Lennox

my lotr brainrot is showing again lmao. this is half bc of elves also being semi immortal beings who live for thousands of years in tolkein’s work, and also because the nature of the song is that we’re saying goodbye to all these characters and especially goodbye to frodo and bilbo. i think that goodbyes are something that’s sort of central to life as an immortal, at least in a place where immortals are rare. 

Vienna- Billy Joel

it’s always been my interpretation of this song that vienna was supposed to represent heaven and a peaceful death. a piece of nation lore that i like is that they can be killed, but they’ll come back as long as there’s a nation still existing, and that a lot of them might want to die but they can’t, and are therefore dreaming of a ‘vienna’ of their own. 

Lost- Amanda Palmer

this song fits into the theme of death again, cause the message is that you never really lose anyone as long as they’re still with you emotionally. i like that vibe and i think it fits again with being an immortal in a world of humans. 

Wild Heart- Bleachers

this feels very much young and free, which is how i think the nations must look from the outside. 

Strangers Like Me- Phil Collins

once again it’s all about that ostracisation! wanting to know what it’s like to be a person, when you’re representing people, and it’s just..yea

Like Real People Do- Hozier

dont u ever wish u were a real boy 

What’s Up?- 4 Non Blondes

this is sense8 propaganda. i really like the way this song is used to emphasize the way the sensates are both lonely but also that literally always they have each other, and i think the bonds between nations are sort of similar. 

God’s Away On Business- Tom Waits

this is mostly bc of the title tbh. i like the vibe of them being abominations too though, like 

Don’t Let This Feeling Fade- Lindsey Stirling, Rivers Cuomo

this song is super inspirational to me, and i think it’s because of this bit: 

“What really matters in life? Is it a sprint or a marathon? And what if finish lines make us happy? Or are we glad we can run at all? I never do it to lose, but losing occurs And when I do it for the love, lose never hurts Loose, loose grip on what I can't hold Who you fooling with a handful of fool's gold? Lose, lose, when you do it for the wins only Love gave you meaning, it never was a trophy It never was a trophy Yeah, enjoy the race, homie”

i think the idea of life being a marathon is especially aplicable to the nations, bc they have no idea when their marathon is going to end. at least you and i know we’re going to die someday, and some of the probable causes. the being glad to run at is also a bit strengthening to me because yeah life is such a wonderful thing, even if you’re cursed with so much of it. finally, the line about love giving you meaning, rather than a trophy, is something that’s just so. good line. but it also has another layer of meaning where the nations are concerned, because love for the nation literally gives them existence (imo) so. yeah. and then trying to enjoy it, because that’s all you really can do. idk its powerful to me

Where Do We Go- Lindsey Stirling, Carah Faye

i really like this song, specifically bc of the idea of where do we go from here, and just. the desolation. chef’s kiss. 

Those Days- Lindsey Stirling, Dan + Shay

nostalgia!

I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow- The Soggy Bottom Boys (from O Brother Where Art Thou)

idk this is more about the instrumentals. i think its a good vibe though

I’ll Fly Away- Gillian Welch (from O Brother Where Art Thou)

i want to break free! but make it country and old fashioned. it also puts an emphasis on weariness i think and thats something that i think the nations also struggle with

Sleep Now In The Fire- Rage Against The Machine

this song is a bit anti colonialism

The Chain- Fleetwood Mac

i think this fits into like. lost chances and opportunities and the struggle to go on

Left Alone- Fiona Apple

i like the idea that the nations beg to be left alone and while they’re loveable in some senses, their people find it hard to love them on a personal level. like everybody loved american but alfred is just some dude and most people don’t really care about him

Relay- Fiona Apple

i love the imagery in this song, about evil and hatred and all that. its very song

If I Could Turn Back Time- Cher

turning back time while also having a positive outlook! 

that's all I have off the top of my head, but if you'd like more music or for a more specific vibe, feel free to send an ask! i hope this is helpful for your project :P

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Re-Write

(Inspired by the fantastic work of @dalekofchaos) 

“Fix it” fics are a thing, yeah? Well, here’s my shot at writing one for the ninth Star Wars film. Contrary to popular opinions, I’m only going to change one or two things about the two movies beforehand, because I unironically loved both of them. But I can admit that there were mistakes, and TLJ tied up most of the loose ends, leaving it difficult to follow-up with a sequel. So, regarding Episodes eight and nine, here’s what changes. 

I have exactly one change for TFA. That random ass stormtrooper who called out Finn as a traitor and inexplicably had a melee weapon that could fight lightsabers? Yeah, just make that Phasma and have done with it. I don’t understand why it wasn’t her in the first place. Also, Finn being able to wield a lightsaber isn’t “evidence” that he’s force-sensitive if you ask me. The films never confirm that non-force sensitives can’t use them. This will be important later.

Moving on to TLJ...replace that stupid milk scene with the deleted scene of Luke reacting to the news of Han’s death. I mean, come on, that’s a given. Another given, Luke uses his green lightsaber in the illusionary duel against Kylo Ren. That’s just common sense. 

After Kylo Ren asserts himself and force-chokes General Hux, and the two of them depart...the camera pans in on the pieces of Snoke’s corpse, onto his face...and his eyes suddenly open. Yes, this will be important later. Somehow, Snoke survived.

I genuinely liked Vice-Admiral Holdo, but they kind of fumbled her role in the story. She was never given a reason for why she did not share her plans with the rest of the Resistance. The most popular theory being that she assumed a mole was on board, but this was never stated in the movie. In my opinion, Poe had every reason to call for mutiny based on what he knew, so the whole message/character arc of him learning to be a leader rather than a hero didn’t quite stick the landing. So how will I fix it? Simple, replace Holdo with Leia. First things first, we don’t get the superman-flying, which is just an objective improvement. We also are more inclined to trust Leia over Poe, because of the legacy the character has. We’re also going with the plot-threat there is indeed a mole. What’s more, Leia is given the sendoff she deserves with the light-speed kamikaze scene. Sure, she may be force-sensitive, but it’s clear that she chose a different path in her life and I think she should go out as a warrior, not a Jedi, because that’s what she was. General Leia. Plus, you avoid the awkward interactions with CGI Leia from the canon episode 9. 

I think we can all agree that Finn deserved better, and he absolutely deserved to have the scene that was deleted, where he called out Phasma in front of her soldiers, telling them what happened in TFA, when Phasma caved so easily. This is the beginning of the Stormtrooper rebellion, and Finn is responsible for igniting the spark. He can definitely duel with Phasma, but he’s not going to win for one simple reason. The mole suddenly reveals herself and puts a blaster to his head. 

Spoiler alert, the mole is Rose. The reason why could vary - perhaps she blames the resistance for the death of her sister. Perhaps the First Order captured her sister alive and is threatening her. Either way, Rose’s efforts help turn the tide and allow her and Phasma to escape. The code-breaker can still be part of the movie, but he doesn’t really matter. The Canto Bight sequence is unchanged, because I honestly don’t dislike it at all. 

So who saves Finn from his attempt to follow General Leia’s example, and give his life for the cause that he now truly cares about? Poe does. This moment already causes their character arcs to intersect, with Poe being in the position Leia was in at the start of Last Jedi, Finn being in Poe’s position. Poe crashes their ships to save Finn, and because I’m #Stormpilot trash, and we deserved an onscreen LGBT relationship between leads, Poe does indeed kiss Finn. However, don’t worry about Rose. I have plans for her. 

That’s about all that changes. But in the grand scene of things, most of these aren’t really issues with the film itself. But they’re necessary to set up for my idea for a Rise of Skywalker re-write. Speaking of...

The Rise of Skywalker - let’s begin with the name. 

I hate this name and everything it represents. I’ve heard rumors of an alternate script where Ben Solo is not redeemed, called “Duel of Fates.” I’m not a fan of Ben not being redeemed, but I like the concept of that film name. So I’m thinking this movie will be called something like “One Last Bout” or “One Last Stand.” Something simple but effective, with the air of finality. I truly doubt Episode 9 is the end of Star Wars forever, but if we think of it as a conclusion to the first two trilogies, this can work. 

The film opens with the funeral of General Leia. With Rey, Finn, and Poe (who are holding hands for sure) all standing together with Chewie, who is in shambles as we can expect. Lando is also present and he gets re-introduced. Luke’s force spirit appears and looks on, but does not reveal himself to everyone else. Likewise, pan the camera over, and we see Kylo Ren observing the service as well, out of sight. Luke makes telepathic contact with Rey, to warn her of danger, at which point both Rey and Ben double over in pain, the sound design giving us an uncomfortable high pitched screech, or something similar. There’s a disturbance in the Force. Something is returning. Something terrible. Ben is spotted, and the main trio open fire with blasters, but Ben escapes. Lando stops Rey from pursuing him, suggesting that it would dishonor Leia’s memory to do it right then and there. 

Ben, on his ship, struggles with horrible pain, a serious headache. Until at last, he is telepathically contacted by a voice we do not hear. But it terrifies him, and he takes off in his ship in pursuit of it. 

A scene similar to the one where the Resistance analyzes Palpatine’s message, but there is no message and there is empathically no Palpatine in this movie, though I won’t get into why that was a horrible idea right now. Never mind, Rey is simply recounting to Finn, Poe, Chewie, and Lando that there’s a disturbance in the Force. Luke’s spirit appears and warns them that a great evil that long predates their time, is returning. He disappears, explaining that he needs to await Leia as she “crosses over” and becomes one with The Force. This is the last we see of Luke in the film, because his story is over. The torch has been passed.

Ben/Kylo Ren arrives at what we saw as Exegol. I don’t mind this planet being Exegol, it was about the only new location I actually remembered from the canon film. He confronts the voice in his head, proclaiming that he will kill any threat to The First Order and it’s Supreme Leader. A familiar voice in the dark chuckles. “You have yet to finish off your predecessor. By what right do you claim his job?” Snoke leans forward, and reveals himself. A similar scene to TROS plays out but with no mention of Rey. Despite Ben’s shock, Snoke is amused. “You are not the first apprentice to try and take my life. You probably won’t be the last. I have fashioned many into tools for the Dark Side, even the Emperor himself learned at my feet. Did you think you were special? So, yes. Snoke is the final Big Bad like he should have been (Andy Serkis was robbed) and he really is Darth Plagueis because he was totally supposed to be. By means of mental torture, Snoke reassumes control of Ben and tells him to gather the Knights of Ren “Wherever you’ve hidden them” and prepare to crush the rebellion once and for all. 

Instead of visiting a random planet for a lead, Lando and Chewie lead the gang back to Endor. Or it could also be Kashyyyk, I suppose. Like before, Lando and Luke were there. They spent years documenting the history of the Jedi and the Sith. This could be contained in “Holocrons” I realize they have meaning behind them in the lore, but I don’t know much, so just consider the “Holocron” to be a storage unit for information. Arriving there, we still have the scene of a local asking for Rey’s family name, but this time she’s going to stay no one like she should have. While researching, Finn expresses the theory, or more like the hope, that he might be Force-Sensitive. Rey tells him that everyone is, to an extent, but Finn clarifies that he means it the same way that Rey is. “Y’know, the way you can push stuff around and sense people’s feelings. Make stuff float.” An echo back to Rey’s line from TLJ. What I’m going for here is that Finn is not force-sensitive in the traditional way. His arc in this movie is going to be about accepting that, and realizing that he doesn’t need that to be a “hero.” He already is one, with everything he’s done. But as of right now, his insistence that he could be leads to bickering between him and Rey.

Things only get worse as Rey uncovers more about the Jedi. Sees some of the ways in which they were not the white knights that history remembers them as. Luke was right, they played no small part in creating Darth Vader. What’s more, she discovers the “Rule of Two” which has been hinted in the films but never discussed outright. The idea that there are only ever two people wielding the Dark Side, a master and an apprentice. And that the apprentice invariably kills the master to succeed them. A tradition dating back for millennia. The Sith, the practitioners of the Dark Side, always betray each other. She’s disheartened, thinking of Ben killing Snoke and how he offered her his hand. What it all would have led to in the end. 

They finally discover what could be the answer - the “great evil” that is returning. A Sith lord called Darth Plaguis, who, when they bring up the hologram of him, strongly resembles Snoke. They put two and two together, reading more about Plagueis’ file. How he vanished without a trace. How he was said to have performed an unspeakable ritual in the Dark Side to allow him to control life and death itself. He could revive those he loved from death, and could not truly he killed, having become an anomaly in the Force. Only another anomaly of equal power would be able to stop him. 

An ambush occurs, with assassins in masks attacking the heroes. They wield melee weapons that are not lightsabers, and they force the group to split up due to simply being outnumbered. The gang realizes that, apart from being here to kill them, they probably want that Holocron, but the Resistance must be the ones to get it. We get a similar scene to the canon film, with Chewie heading to the Millennium Falcon with the Holocron and trying to take off, to blast the assassins from the sky...but then the assassins reveal their ace card. They have force power. And they start to pull the Falcon back down. Rey struggles against them, but she’s outnumbered, still upset from everything that she’s learned, and easily angered when Finn rushes in to try and help, despite not being able to. Rey succumbs to her anger and unleashes Dark-Side lightning. Just like in the canon film. The differences? Number one, this doesn’t foreshadow any lineage for her...but importantly Chewie is actually dead, not just a fake-out. He’s dead, and the Falcon and Holocron are destroyed with him. Seriously, the emotional weight of that scene is completely drained by not having Chewie actually die there. The potential is lost, and I’m going to prove it. 

Rey is appropriately mortified, shocked, and despondent.  The assassins are too - they can’t believe their enemy killed one of their own just to win. Everyone is shocked, but Poe is the quickest to regain his head, dashing in and blasting at the assassins to help cover the heroes while they escape, Finn half-dragging a stunned Rey. So, everyone feels awkward about what just happened and though they believe Rey that it was an accident, it still happened and both Finn and Poe feel distant from her. Lando, understandably, is a lot less patient than them. He knew Chewie for years. His old feelings about losing Han might resurface, and he could say something about how Rey is no better than Kylo Ren, before catching himself and apologizing. At this point, Lando also departs. He needs to get back to the Resistance, because he has been named the Acting General, since Leia’s death. 

Meanwhile, Poe deduces that the assassins were the mythical “Knights of Ren” rumored to be the Supreme Leader’s private army. Rey is shaken from her stupor at this news - it doesn’t make sense, it completely violates the “Rule of Two.” Could Ben still be saved? Or is it too late for him? Is it too late for her, Rey, even? Cue Ben Solo/Kylo Ren opening up the force-bond once again. A similar conversation about how they’re both uncertain of their place in the galaxy, and a confirmation that Snoke is back, and is really Plagueis. Ben reveals that he’s been ordered to kill Rey, and he apologies - he truly doesn’t want to do this, but Snoke once again has control of him, and has proven that killing him won’t matter. Rey senses terrible pain, and gets a taste of what Ben has been put through - think, like, the Cruciatus Curse. Whatever “pain” move Kylo Ren used on Poe in TFA. He learned it from Snoke, of course. Ben closes the force-bond, telling Rey to run. Run as far and as fast as she can, because he’s no longer able to take it easy on her.

Finn and Poe overhear the conversation, or at least Rey’s side of it. They hear enough to deduce who she’s talking to, and this further plants the seeds of doubt in their heads. As we see in Last Jedi, Rey doesn’t really tell people about the force-bond, so we can assume she never told her friends. The family is fracturing more and more. Rey is slipping closer and closer to the Dark Side. And all without needing to give her a bloodline. See? I told you Chewbacca’s death had potential. 

They make a pit stop on Coruscant, because there’s no reason it couldn’t have been Coruscant, hiding from First Order ships. Here is where the character of Zorii originally showed up. As compelling as the performance was, she’s not going to show up here. Let’s be honest, she was only there to no-homo Finn and Poe, as well as give Poe a backstory that is apparently racist? (I’m not knowledgeable enough about this topic to comment, so let’s just throw out the whole idea.) Instead, the team is confronted by none other than Rose, the mole from TLJ. She reveals that more and more stormtroopers have been rebelling since Finn gave his speech. There’s only one faction that she is confident will never turn on the First Order - the Knights of Ren, who “seem to worship the Supreme Leader like a damn god...though, I guess he isn’t the Supreme Leader anymore, is he?” News is spreading of Snoke’s return, and Rose has the heroes cornered with a band of loyalist stormtroopers. 

Finn pleads with Rose, and the other Stormtroopers, to reconsider. Here is where we outline Rose’s character. She despises everything about war. She’s intentionally attacking both sides, seeking to see both the Resistance and The First Order collapse. She has a personal vendetta against Poe and actively tries to kill him, for his role in the battle that killed her sister. Poe likewise despises Rose for having betrayed Finn. Whether Rose’s actions are tactical doesn’t really matter - she’s responding from a place of emotion, not logic. Poe, showing his growth, apologies to Rose and talks her down. Explains the situation, how dire the circumstances are. Rey chimes in and identifies with Rose, having made plenty of mistakes of her own. There’s a moment of solidarity between the team once again. A moment, anyway. Poe makes peace with Rose, and she lets the heroes go. However, her stormtroopers turn on her, and attack everyone. The gang helps Rose escape with them, and after the escape, they realize that those stormtroopers were in fact the Knights of Ren, spying for Kylo Ren, which means Snoke as well. 

Rey, tortured by nightmares about Snoke, leaves in the middle of the night. Finn is awake, and tries to stop her, which leads to a major fight. Finn is having trouble trusting Rey, and it shows. Rey is likewise fed up with Finn trying to insert himself into the story, as it were. However, having been told by Rose the impact that he had on the galaxy, Finn no longer wishes to be a Jedi. He then redirects the question to Rey - does she want to be a Jedi? Like Luke? Honest answer - she doesn’t know. The Jedi of old would never have accepted her. She’d have been expelled and become another Darth Vader. Rey is impulsive, confrontational, she has a short temper. She gives in to the Dark Side too easily, and now it’s gotten someone killed. She feels diseased. Though Finn tries to dissuade such talk, it comes out that he and Poe overheard her conversation with Kylo Ren. Both sides are angry here, because Rey kept this secret, and because her friends spied on her. She cries out in anger, causing several nearby lights to blow out. Rey storms away, seeking to be alone.

This fight scene takes the place of the ESB rip-off with an evil Rey. That just wasn’t necessary. Instead, Rey leaves to confront Snoke, kill him once and for all, and rescue Ben if she can. After that, she isn’t sure what she’ll do. It is at this point that she is captured by the Knights of Ren. However, they don’t kill her, as instructed. They remove their masks - humanizing them as just being people. They reveal that they were the Jedi who followed Ben after he left Luke. When Starkiller Base was finished, Ben told them to go and evacuate their families from their home planets, just in case. The Knights stayed away for a long time, per Ben’s orders, but returned when he bid them too. They love him, seem to look up to him, and they can tell that he loves Rey. That he’s not his own man anymore. And that his best interests don’t align with Snoke’s. They know Snoke has to die, but also realize they aren’t powerful enough to stop him. The only one they can think of who might be - is Rey. They beg for her help, and she agrees.

The movie now offers a montage of Stormtroopers abandoning Phasma and Hux, and turning themselves in to the Resistance, explaining that they want to fight for the light. Meanwhile, Finn talks to Rose and Poe, and they all agree that they can’t just leave Rey, they have to go after her. They regret not trusting her, and conclude that even if she is tempted by the Dark Side, even if she falls...she’s still their friend. They don’t believe that she’s a spy - Rose offers useful tip in this sense. Observing that Rey offers none of the “tells.” Finally, we come to Rey training with the Knights of Ren. The transformation of her staff into a lightsaber pike. And it’s gold, baby. It’s gold. (Oh, since I forgot to mention this, Anakin’s lightsaber never gets repaired. Rey has been using a blaster up to this point.)

Bring us back to Snoke, torturing Ben once again as he can sense the betrayal of the Knights. Ben doesn’t realize that they’re still loyal to him, he thinks they just abandoned him, and his spirit is broken even further. Snoke talks more about his past, and here we can get a philosophical discussion. Perhaps Snoke discovered the midichlorians during his research, and exploited them for more power. He could analyze the Force as being, not a difference between light and darkness, but a shallow body of water that only gets deeper the further you venture. Snoke boasts that he was the first to risk “drowning” himself in it’s depths. Meanwhile, Ben hallucinates seeing Han, encouraging him to get up and fight back. We can also have Leia’s voice here, if we want. Ben fights back in a scene that echoes TFA, the way Rey resisted his own control. “You are no Master, Plagueis. Not of anyone or anything. You act so powerful, but your thoughts betray you. You’re afraid you will never get it right. Your desperation grows with every failure. But Today is not the day you finally succeed.”  snaps free of Snoke’s control and when Snoke attempts to dominate him with Force Lightning, Ben goes full Prince Zuko and redirects it, Yoda style. With that, he escapes, now on his own. 

Finn, Poe, and Rose show up to fight the Knights of Ren. Assuming Rey to be their prisoner. Rey, faced with her ultimate conflict, the symbol of her uncertainty, a literal metaphor between the two sides of her being at war...her loyalty to Ben, and her loyalty to her friends...her desire to be good, but her tendency toward darkness...finally completes her character arc and solves her identity issues. She creates a barrier between both sides, knocking them all down. She explains herself, telling her friends that the Knights want to stop Snoke. That she has joined them freely, for this reason. She apologizes for how distant she’s been. Admits that while she would never support the First Order, she does care for Ben Solo, despite all he’s done. This leads to Rey making up with her friends, and making peace with the Knights, who were already kind-of friends with Rose, once upon a time. This can lead into a bigger discussion about The Force, the concepts of good and evil as a whole. While Finn and Poe contact Lando, to tell him where Snoke is hiding, Rey reaches out to Ben through the force-bond. 

Meanwhile, Ben has returned to the planet where Luke’s old school of Jedi was. He visits the smoldering remains, and unearths Luke’s green lightsaber. He struggles, still feeling that call to the light, and now that he’s alone and able to meditate, he attempts to do what Snoke did, and “drown” himself in the Force, in the hope of stopping him. He doesn’t drown. Instead, he meets a spirit who he had unconsciously blocked out a long time ago. Anakin Skywalker, portrayed by Hayden “The lines were terrible but his acting was actually pretty good” Christensen.  The call to the light that Ben had always resisted had come from Anakin. These two finally talk, and Anakin urges Ben to choose the right side. They find solidarity in understanding that they were both drawn to the Dark Side, and both felt that this meant they “had” to be evil. Anakin doesn’t dissuade Ben from the Dark Side, but advises him to do what is right for the galaxy, defeating Snoke. Ben is helpless, he doesn’t know how. But Anakin tells him that an anomaly of equal power to Snoke could be enough to kill him forever. It’s definitely worth a try. Anakin fades, promising Ben that the answer is closer than he thinks. He can sense it right now...

After Anakin fades, Rey appears. She has succeeded in contacting Ben, and they catch up. Ben learning that The Knights still care about him, and that Rey has joined them. Rey expresses that Ben was right - it’s time to leave the Jedi and the Sith behind. To start something new. They can discuss the Force in greater detail, how being Dark doesn’t always mean one is evil, but the teachings of the Jedi suggest that it is a binary system. They express affection for each other. With everyone around Rey seeing her talk to someone invisible, Rey reaches out her hand...and Ben takes it. Suddenly appearing in the ship with everyone else. 

Rey and The Knights take turns embracing him, and he exchanges awkward nods with the others. With the help of the Knights, the group comes to the conclusion that Rey and Ben are some kind of Dyad in the Force, irrevocably connected. The two that are one. Such a thing has not been seen in millennia. It’s almost like a glitch in the universe. But this anomaly could be what it takes to stop Snoke for good. 

The main team makes their way back to Exegol as we see Lando giving a speech to the Resistance, now much stronger with the added former-Stormtroopers. As much as I love Jannah, she’s just as unnecessary as Zorii. That screen time could have and should have gone to Rose as she re-establishes herself back into the squad, same as Ben. Everyone arrives at Exegol at the same time, and Resistance soldiers move to open fire on Rose and Ben, understandably so, but here come Poe and Finn to talk them down and explain the situation. No one is happy about it, particularly having Ben Solo around, but Lando, with much consternation, accepts the situation and tells the Resistance not to fire on their new allies. However, he also instructs Finn to kill Ben if he steps out of line. We can get a callback when Finn gives the “I’m watching you” look to Ben, and have a line like “Don’t be a traitor.” Or something. 

Final battle time. Another montage. Finn leading the former storm-troopers in the battle against the last of Snoke’s loyalists, led by Phasma. Together with Rose, Finn defeats them and Phasma is left on her knees. She pleads for mercy, and Rose is prepared to kill her, but Finn intervenes. They take her prisoner instead, because killing people who are already defeated and defenseless is the “Stormtrooper” way. 

Rey, Ben, and the Knights are helping out with their Melee weapons. The Knights are also using the Force, because not using it offensively was a Jedi message, and they didn’t always follow it anyway. Though he’s definitively good now, Ben is still wearing his Kylo Ren armor, and wielding the cross-guard saber. I mean, imagine if he showed up to a warzone in day clothes with a blaster, just because his previous weapons were “evil?” How stupid would that be, right? However, at one point the cross-guard saber is destroyed in the right, and left empty-handed, Ben pulls out Luke’s lightsaber, stares at it...and then ignites it to rejoin the fray.

 We likewise get a battle of wits and strategy between Poe and Hux, as Poe commands a legion to take out the forces guarding Snoke’s throne room. In the end, Poe’s armada is saved by another that Lando commands. Hux manages to fatally shoot Lando, but Poe quickly repays him in kind. While everyone crowds around Lando, Hux dies alone, symbolizing the difference between the two causes. Lando expresses pride in how far Poe has come, tells him that Leia would be proud too, and with his dying words, he addresses Poe as “General Dameron.” It’s a truly emotional moment and afterward, Poe simply turns to the loyalist stormtroopers, carrying the poise and energy of a powerful leader. He tells them to drop their weapons. To surrender now, and they won’t be harmed. It’s badass. And the loyalists do as instructed. 

The path is clear for Rey and Ben to rush in to the Throne Room and kill Snoke, with the Resistance following them as backup. Only Snoke is nowhere to be seen. All of a sudden, we hear that high-pitched screech again. Rey and Ben collapse in terrible pain, hearing Snoke’s voice. His physical body no longer matters or plays by the same rules. He has essentially taken the practice of returning as a force-spirit and perverted it to become Dark. We now get Snoke’s final backstory, and the answer to why he’s able to do this. Snoke himself was part of a Dyad, centuries ago. Though exceptionally rare, Rey and Ben’s bond is not unique. However, Snoke murdered his counterpart for his own selfish reasons. A total violation of nature. This is what splintered him and turned him into the unnatural being that he is now. Rey and Ben vanish, to the alarm of Finn and Poe, as they disappear into the Force. 

The three of them - Rey, Ben, and Snoke, all appear to be in some kind of void. Snoke recounts having sensed the awakening of another Dyad (”The Force Awakens”) and that this is what prompted him to return to physical form in the first place. He reveals his final plan. Rey and Ben must now fight to the death - the winner becoming as powerful Snoke himself. He promises that the winner can rule beside him. This is probably a lie, and both of his opponents refuse. But Snoke also warns that without achieving that kind of power, they’ll be hopeless to stop him. He dual wields red lightsabers in the subsequent duel. Notice how Rey and Ben are using sabers of gold and green - the opposite of red and blue, which  have traditionally symbolized the Jedi and the Sith conflict. Snoke tells them that they have no future. They cannot become Jedi, not with the crimes they’ve committed. If they become Sith, well...he cites the “Rule of Two” insisting that Rey and Ben cannot coexist because one will inevitably slay the other. Rey and Ben respond that they are neither, that they simply fight for what they believe in. That they are...knights of Ren. 

Together, they strike back, plunging their sabers through Snoke’s chest. He vanishes, and the void world vanishes. Rey and Ben reappear in the throne room, and Snoke is there too, staggering to his feet. The Resistance takes aim at him, but he pays them no mind. He warns the two heroes that there is no telling what will happen if they choose this path, that the Galaxy needs structure when dealing with an entity as vague and infinite as The Force. Rey responds simply that “The Force is not some stranger or threat. It is not a vice for power. The Force...is us. All of us. The good and the bad, the light and the dark. So long as we stand together, you will never influence The Force again. You will never control us. You will never return again.” With a roar of defeat, Snoke’s body turns to dust, and a shadowy mass is left in it’s place. Finn and Poe fire at at it, to no avail, but Rey and Ben join hands, and as the shadowy mass surges toward them, The Dyad employs it’s full potential, causing Snoke’s bastardized force-spirit to vanish. Not sure how this would be filmed without looking silly, but I swear, it’s compelling. 

The battle is over. Everyone celebrates. When Finn and Poe kiss, it’s earned, not some nameless background characters. The team returns to the Resistance base. Poe has been unanimously voted to be the new General, which is the closest thing they have to an elected leader right now, so he is in charge of the trials for the loyalists, and the Knights of Ren. The people who committed treason or other crimes. But we only see three of these trials. Ben Solo, Rose Tico...and Rey. After all, she did kill Chewie, right? She conspired with the Knights, too. Rey is pardoned almost immediately, Rose not long after, but Ben Solo...after much consideration, Poe charges the Knights of Ren to a path of atonement. To go around, helping fix the Galaxy. Community service. 

Ben and the Knights prepare to leave on their trip, and Rey and Ben say goodbye. How ship-teasy this is, if there’s a final kiss...eh, interpret how you like. I’m a Reylo fan personally, but I know a lot of people aren’t. Ben promises to see Rey again, and they both acknowledge that thanks to the Dyad, they won’t have to go without seeing each other, not really. Likewise, Rey and Finn and Poe and Rose will be helping to fix up the galaxy, so it’s certainly not goodbye. 

I lied, Luke’s force-spirit appears one more time, this time with Leia, though she doesn’t speak much for obvious reasons. Luke is proud of her, and says something to the effect of “Not bad for a scavenger girl with no family from Jakku of all places. Well done, Rey from nowhere.” Rey looks around at everyone - at Finn, Poe, Rose. At Ben and the Knights. At C3PO, R2D2 and BB8 (Who were definitely involved the whole time I just didn’t have much to say about them) she looks back at Luke and replies that she does have a family. She and her friends go to wave goodbye as Ben’s ship takes off, flying into the sunset, and....ENDING CREDITS!

Let me know what y’all think! Hopefully this doesn’t throw out quite as much from Last Jedi, and does the characters justice! 

[terrariashitposts]

mod of redemption review!

i finished this run recently, and now i’m playing it a second time alongside another mod, so there’s your indicator to how much i’ve been enjoying it.

today i’m gonna talk a bit about the mod of redemption! if you’re looking for a reasonably sized content mod, you’re in the right place. my computer probably couldn’t handle calamity anyway.

weapons, armor, and classes

all vanilla classes of warrior, ranger, mage, and summoner are supported throughout this mod. It also adds a class: druid! this class has a tie to the nature elements included in this mod. it has three subclasses in weapons, being staves, seedbags, and spirits. i would place it between mage and summoner in terms of defense/damage, but it does get pretty powerful as the game progresses.

a lot of the modded armor sets felt more beneficial than vanilla sets, for example the techmancer armor held up better against the moon lord than the spectre armor, in my experience. some of the armor close to the end of the mod either benefits multiple classes or isn’t really class specific. while it may not seem like much when facing the bosses, the sets are very useful, even if your damage output doesn’t look the same as with previous sets.

i played mage/druid and ranger, and my favorite weapons were the sapphire stave, the gloom shroom bag, the gloop gauntlet, and the hyper-tech blaster!

bosses

this mod adds 12 mini bosses, four pre-hardmode bosses, four hardmode bosses, and four post-moon lord bosses. six of those mini bosses and one post-moon lord boss are included in what many consider to be the highlight of the mod: the abandoned lab.

two of the mini bosses are accessed by completing quests for the Wayfarer NPC, and two are part of an event.

the fights are very exciting; there’s always a lot to pay attention to. the music makes them even better--King Slayer III and Patient Zero had perfect choices for their themes.

three bosses/mini bosses become NPCs after the fight. it gave the characters and the world a lot more depth, and i really enjoyed having them around (though i’m biased because i already find robot characters very endearing.)

events

redemption adds one event, and you know what? i’m not telling you anything. it’s better you find out yourself.

lore

usually i don’t care too much about lore when it comes to mods, but redemption is an exception.

there are several storylines throughout the mod, some that overlap, some that don’t. the lore is engaging and easy to access. through data logs, floppy disks, NPCs, and more, you’re able to learn a lot about the bosses and structures you encounter. the various structures you find-the lab, the crashed ship, the hall of heroes, and others-all have their own stories. speaking of which,

the abandoned lab

i don’t want to say too much about the lab, as it’s really best to explore it on your own, but i couldn’t just mention it and then leave!

after the first hardmode boss, the game launches into the infection storyline. this is closely tied to the lab, and it grabbed my attention very fast. the world opens up a lot once you get into hardmode, and you start to learn about the history of the lab and some of the later bosses.

technically, it’s a dungeon, and it certainly feels that way. when you combine the xenomite debuffs, constant enemies, and the threat of radiation poisoning, you get a pretty dangerous adventure.

tons of fun, a lot of cool loot, 10/10.

some minor criticism

the mod of redemption is still in development, so it seems like not everything is here yet. maybe instead of critiques, this is more like what i hope to see in the mod in the future.

really my only complaint is that it felt like there were a lot of loose ends. i was left with a lot of questions, but not necessarily in a bad way. i was excited to learn as much about the world as i could, but it didn’t end as i expected it. 

at the time, the final boss seemed to come out of nowhere--there was no mention of her prior. in retrospect, her appearance makes more sense, but with how important the fight was, as well as the aftermath, i would’ve liked to see more of her beforehand.

a lot of things i was able to put together myself. Protector Volt drops so much information, i could come up with some theories. there’s so much backstory surrounding the lab, as well as the nature gods, i would really love to see the mod expand on it.

yeah, lots of questions. who were the other insurgents? what happened to the other heroes? what’s all this talk of the demigod of light for? will Girus ever come down here and fight me herself?

overall,

i really enjoyed this mod! fun fights, interesting characters, and a lot to explore. the lore needs a little tweaking to clean it up a bit, but not too much. i think i spent somewhere between 30 and 40 hours on it. if you were already considering it, definitely give redemption a shot! i have a feeling i’ll be replaying this one more than a few times.

[shadowfae]

1- Not much tbh, just what you've posted, and 2- To be honest I quite like your long answers. It can definitely wait though, you should get some sleep.

Is your warpriest link a constant thing? Does it ever fade into the background? I'm contemplating forming a second link, something happier than my copinglink, and I'm not sure how to tell when to tell when the line of a link vs a persona is crossed when not worn out of necessity.

And the original ask so I have it on hand. I did take a look at your original context, and if you're cool with it, I'll edit this post with a link for those who may find this is a useful answer and need that on hand. Otherwise, it'll stay a mystery.

But yes, it seems like my Sabe experiences would be a useful thing to talk about here. And in order to do that, I need to go over four things: who and what Sabe is, why he exists the way that he does, what that does for me, and lastly what I think he is in terms of terminology and why.

To start, here is his toyhou.se profile, if you want to read more about his actual story and thoughts and whatnot. But I doubt you'll have the necessary context for that, so let me go into it. RuneScape (RS) is one of the oldest MMORPGs in existence. WoW might be older but I doubt it. Basically it's a medieval magic fantasy that's very long running and you the player end up the World Guardian, aka the guy that stops the gods (who are very powerful folks who just don't die of natural causes and typically stand for some philosophy) from blowing the world up because Guthix, the dead god of balance, asked you to. Well, he voluntold you. And that makes you a major chess piece, Elder Gods get involved, it's a big mess.

But before all that happened, back in 2006 when I was introduced to the game and very shitty at it, well. I liked the lore insofar that I've always liked the lore, it was interesting and I liked thinking about it. I didn't have membership and I sucked at playing so I just read the wiki and the God Letters over and over and sometimes the Postbag from the Hedge. Alongside my two friends, we played at being children of the then-triad of main gods: Saradomin, Guthix, and Zamorak.

I liked Zamorak best, but I didn't think his ideas would be the best for society as a whole, so I ended up playing child of Guthix. Eventually we grew up and grew apart but every couple of years I'd go back to RuneScape, read the lore, settle on what choices I'd make if I could play, and think about being the player character. In 2010 I discovered a fic - dawn by khayr, it's on Ao3 and dA - about Iban, son of Zamorak, right around when I was reading Percy Jackson. Cue him showing up as a soulbond and an older brother figure and guiding me right up until the end of sixth grade. Iban got me through the ruthless bullying that would later set the stage for all my major suicidal-ideation and self-hatred for the entirety of high school: even then, I was more stable than I might've been otherwise, because he interfered.

Saradomin stands for strength through order. Procedures and law and diplomacy and war strategy. He was originally kind of a ripoff of the Christian god, but he's grown to be more of an order-over-peace character and is quite well-written. Guthix stands for strength through balance, and has been all over the board in terms of what he's done and will do. He's kind of a dick, actually, but his heart's in the right place.

Zamorak, as you've heard, is strength through chaos and personal strife. It's no "the strong over the weak" or "the strong take care of the weak", it's flat-out "everyone is strong, and just need the right circumstances to tap into it to be the best they can possibly be". Now, his philosophy is kind of more for warriors and scholars, but if you tilt your head, it applies to everyone. Chronically ill folks will find their chaos in fighting to get up every day and maintain a life. Folks in traumatizing, abusive situations find that chaos in their very survival. Scholars challenge themselves and their fellows and their predecessors trying to find the answers they so need. Nobody in lockstep, no such thing as "we've always done it this way."

A lot of human Zamorakians and Saradominist propaganda says that Zamorak is simply absolute evil: and to be fair, when most of that was written, he kinda was because he was based loosely on the Christian devil. Later writing says that they're typically mistaken on that. Zamorak isn't evil. The very first thing he did upon becoming a god was fulfill a promise and lead a slave rebeliion. (The Avernic uprising, if anyone's curious.) He stands for the downtrodden and says "You are never going to get your dignity by going through the motions and trying to peacefully show you're worth respect. Burn some shit down and prove that you won't stand for this bullshit."

Zamorak in a Saradominist's eyes is someone whose banner you wear when you want to be a crazy murderer. Zamorak in a Zamorakian's eyes is the singing voice who murmurs "Get up, this isn't enough to kill you, you can still do this," when transphobic laws get passed or you hear a slur thrown your way on the street.

And as someone who grew up queer and nonhuman, yeah, that resonates, and the older I get the more I think "Guthixian philosophy is best for a society at large, but Zamorakianism for individuals is good." Because Zamorakianism can't really apply on a theocratic level. It really doesn't. It turns into American bootstrap culture and no social services and all that shitty stuff.

The funny thing is that Zamorak himself has no issues helping out if he thinks you need it. (If he didn't, he wouldn't be cool with asking for help, or giving it when he's asked. Which he does do repeatedly so. The man has more kindness in him than people want to admit.) What I do find fascinating is what he thinks of the actions of some of his longtime subordinates, who clearly support him, but I don't think support his actual philosophy. Because if you ask me, he'd side with the downtrodden humans of Meiyerditch, not the vampire lords that treat them like cattle. He's proven that he likes humans, and doesn't see them as unworthy. I do wonder if Jagex will show us what he might do about that.

Either way. Ahem. Over the course of a decade and a half, I keep going back to RuneScape, refining my philosophy and side, thinking again what I would do playing the game proper. About... I want to say five years ago, Jagex opened up the Sixth Age and I finally noticed, and they rewrote every god's philosophy because they wanted every single one to be actually playable. Not just "hurr durr evil" but actually have a logical line of thought. They probably didn't have pop culture paganism in mind, but the gods of RS are incredibly well-suited to it.

Well, I found that out, and immediately went through every god's philosophy, and reasoned my way through it. What does a worshipper of this god look like? What sort of life would they lead? If i apply this to me, what does that look like from that perspective? Do I understand this? Is it comfortable to exist in?

And as it turns out, I understand Zamorak the most, followed a close second by Armadyl, which was quite surprising. Zaros remains incomprehensible and I don't trust like that. (That's another story.) So I thought about it more, and it stuck even when I wandered off to different fandoms and interests. But what happened was that I ended up internalizing it, unknowingly and without meaning to.

It meant that when, two years later, I ended up in a horrific and traumatizing situation, the anchor I hit that held me together was a mixture of being a Devil - I am a fucking God you will obey me and recognize my power - and Zamorak's core philosophy: this cannot kill me, this cannot stop me, this is pure fucking hell and I am going to laugh in the face of death because people are forged in hellfire and I will walk away knowing what I'm made of.

And I was right. Honestly, out of everyone who was there with me, I think I'm the only one that was that deeply entrenched and walked out without trauma. I do not believe I could have done that had I not internalized Zamorak's philosophy. (That isn't to say if the others had that philosophy they wouldn't be traumatized, because there were absolutely other factors I wouldn't know about and some that I do and didn't do them any favours; but I am saying that it saved my ass and without it, I might not have been okay.)

I walked out of that with zero regrets. Zero. Even now, I don't regret a thing. Because it doesn't matter what happened or how much I was lied to or if he deserved my kindness. I know what I perceived to be happening, and I know how I reacted, and when the pieces were down I was stronger than steel, gave kindness without considering the cost, and I walked away unscathed.

How many people can say they've looked death in the eye and laughed? More than there should be, not too many that knowing what I'm capable of when put into pure chaos isn't somehow impressive. Because it is. And Zamorak's words proved themselves, or rather, I proved him entirely correct.

And when I last went back to RuneScape, and thought about it with enough time to put it all into hindsight, well. Aw, shit, he was right. Then vaguely around that time I went back and read Dawn, which was unfinished, tracked down the author and demanded to know how it fucking ended. (She told me and we're still friends like three years later. xD) Then I went back and found my old OCs, and decided fuck it, I'm making my own World Guardian.

So first thing I did was log in and jump over to the Makeover Mage and make myself into a boy. Kept the plateskirt though, I wanted to have the RS equivalent of a limp wrist to prove I'm Very Queer. Then I went about remaking my character. I wanted to make a self-insert, I was old enough to know it wasn't cringey, it was just fun, but I didn't want to use my default avatar with the black hair over one eye and the Chaorruption. I wanted to make a new self-insert based in nothing I was already using.

So I made the most beautiful man I could! Long, dark brown hair, pretty semi-dark skin, looked Kharidian, and then I said fuck it and made him Zamorak's youngest son. Originally, he was adopted when he was young by Iban and Clivet, and suffered serious imposter syndrome when being WG meant he'd never get demigod powers. But as I grew more confident in myself, he ended up getting powers? And then eventually I rewrote his backstory, and then wrote about his mother, and her relationship with Zamorak, and then he had friends like Blaire and Icthlarin (who was also my furry awakening, rip me).

Then with the most recently questline I've been getting a bit more into RS magical theory, and I've been mulling it over lots, and Seanan McGuire's Middlegame definitely helped; and I figured out how I wanted him to handle being World Guardian: it didn't make sense for him to be openly Zamorak's son, the other gods would just target his family to manipulate him. So I had him play neutral openly and Zamorakian to his friends, effectively living a double life.

Then he just looked up one day and said "Oh, by the way, my father won't acknowledge me to keep me safe but I don't know that so we have a very unsteady relationship because I don't know if he loves me", and then Children of Mah came out, and he was all "Oh and I think I just got disowned (I didn't, Zamorak was protecting me, but I don't know that) so my relationship with Zamorak is Fucking Shitty" and he was stuck that way until I figured out how to save their relationship.

It culminated in Sabe not knowing how his Mahjarrat powers worked and guessing, and hating himself for being half-and-half, and missing everything about being a Mahjarrat, and literally you couldn't have gotten more obvious in order to tell me I was having Fucking Issues coming to terms with the fact I didn't have any understanding or knowledge of my own heritage, but whatever, eventually I noticed that.

And as I've been working to understand myself and my heritage, so too has Sabe been doing that with his Mahjarrat heritage. But for the longest time, no matter how I put him and Zamorak in the same room in a scene to try and get them to talk it out, it wasn't working. Something wasn't right. Sabe resented being World Guardian, hated having to betray his family, didn't know if he was wanted, and hated himself for having to kill Mah, the mother of his species.

Not that long ago, a few months actually, he informed me (which is my shorthand for 'I suddenly figured out this happened, and it genuinely feels like remembering that one fucking word you have on the tip of your tongue, I always knew and just forgot for a while') that no, he'd been ripped in two by a hope devourer, brought to his father's stronghold, and Zamorak split his magic between mortal and divine in order to get around his godproofing and heal him. Zamorak's intense worry for his youngest son was what caused Sabe to break down and tell him honestly what was going on and how he was feeling, which caused Zamorak to do the same, and they finally, finally made up.

A week later, I noticed the connection between Sabe's Mahjarrat issues and my Irish issues, and started to wonder if he was a linktype.

I mean... he's a self-insert. He makes the choices I would, the me in the here and now, that I think are best. He's not a person I was and still know myself to be, he's not someone I grow into, he's not living his life beside me like a shadow. He's me, choosing the things I do, because I say so. But he's also me in the things he reflects, the things he struggles with, and things I had zero fucking conscious input on.

Sabe is the person I am when a crisis hits and I have to deal with the chaos. Sabe is the person I am when I need to lead. Sabe is the person I am when I am desperate to be known and loved by those I consider family. Sabe is the person I am when I want to be sure in where I came from, where I will return to, and the things that I will always be. Sabe is a man of darkness who knows the light as an acquaintance and nothing more, who is cruel and careless and kind.

Sabe is a warpriest of Zamorakian philosophy, because it took me twenty fucking years to put into words how I see the world, and now that I know, I will argue them to death and use them to help others. Drakath may have wanted a messiah to share the hivemind with others. Sabe is a warpriest, spreading the word and calling home the broken and the damned. He is the Last Rider, not the last of the Ilujanka but the one who keeps riding towards the chaos and never falls, no matter what.

Some of who Sabe is I have conscious input on. A whole lot of him was unintentional and perfectly reflects me.

So when it comes to terminology... I don't know what he is. A self-insert, yes. A linktype, maybe. A kintype, also maybe. Sabe doesn't feel like my past linktypes, because Sabe isn't always catharsis and comfort. Until he made up with his dad, Sabe was brutal and hurt a lot and constantly yearning for his foundation and slowly going mad. It wasn't fun. I just refused to do anything but see the story through. I was going to get it right. I wanted to see it to the end. I wanted to be the Last Rider, even though I didn't phrase it that way.

But to answer your actual question, of what he feels like when I'm not actively being him out of necessity, desire, and active thought. If it fades into the background.

And like... it can? Sabe as he is, recognized for what and who he is, is kind of a new thing. Sabe as a concept is very old, but Sabe as what he is right now is new, and confusing, and honestly I'm still trying to figure out what to make of it.

Like, seriously. Sabe is Zamorak's son. Am I Zamorak's son? Is he keeping an eye on me as I am? Would he be proud of me? Would he offer his approval of my progress? Does that make me, in some way, the World Guardian?

I have not a clue, buddy. Not a goddamn clue.

So what it means is that I've been paying attention, really. I don't just become strong in times of crisis. I've been trying to do better. Be better. Learn, and listen, and rethink myself. Break out of lockstep, of doing things the way I've always done them. Try to always do better than I did, build habits I like, stop waiting for things to change and just do it. Become the chaos, instead of waiting for it to hit me.

It means I need to live up to what Guthix told Sabe to do. It means being gentler, being kinder, not burning bridges when I'm not sure. It means keeping an eye out for any sign Zamorak's listening, in case I am his son, in case I really have to decide what I'm gonna do about being the son of chaos incarnate.

But other than the questioning, what it feels like is just... what I was already dealing with, just a little more at arm's length and easier to deal with. Once I recognize that his issues are reflective of mine, if I solve his, I have a pretty good idea of how to solve mine. Some of it won't work exactly right - Zamorak will always forgive him for not being the son he expected he might have had, my own parents may not, yay I'm queer and pagan - but it's a good rule of thumb.

It's also just comforting to know that when in doubt, nothing can kill me, because I simply refuse to die. I am World Guardian, I am a demigod of chaos incarnate, all the hellfire in the world can do nothing but strengthen me. And if I present those to myself as unshakeable beliefs, because for Sabe they are, then I'll be okay. It probably couldn't stop most disasters or tragedies, but I got hit by a car, broke five bones, and walked away with a record recovery time, so I mean... I can't prove that I can't die by some accident or tragedy, but you also can't prove that I can. (Trying to do so usually falls under what we call 'murder', and I personally believe I can't be murdered. Only assassinated.)

But really, I think the worst that could possibly happen with a new linktype is that you learn what not to do. It's new, it's scary, it's chaotic, and from where I'm standing, that's the best way to learn.