#But yea her final outfit? Horrible
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I donât care what anyone says, this is the biggest outfit downgrade since butchâs pink shirt
#Clue club hanna barbera#Clue club#Appearance difference aside#This is the embodiment of drip vs dry#She went from a cute stylish girl#To a ugly purple shirt with stupid line and ugly ass brown boots#Not to mention her final outfit just looks so clutter and foul#Dont give me that ���thats how they dressed at the timeâ#Itâs insulting to 70s fashion#The only thing i dont like about her old outfit is that her shoes are the same color as her pants#And maybe add something like a cute lil belt#But yea her final outfit? Horrible#Makes me wanna die#haribo shut up
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(I jst realized I made a whole BOOK, and didnât finish it the way i wanted to on wattpad. Shall we do that shit??? [im doing itâŚ])
{ A Slow BURN, of Aaron Hotchner & Fem! Reader. As of right now, you jst look like you!! Not any race color. }
New Episode, Criminal Minds. Which comes with,
Tw ; Gore, Description of Dead Bodies, Slow Burn, 2022 writing (that im fixing rn!), use of You(s) instead of I(s) and her!!
New Case.
As the sun hits your eyes, you could only rub your eyes while you are waiting up. Groggily as well.. You turned over to your side, grabbing your phone that was playing (F/M) {favorite music} which was your alarm clock for today. It reads ;
6:07 AM.
Sunday - October 10
You let out a soft groan. Realizing the time before you got out of bed, the lost of the warmness from the blankets shook you right up. You walked to the bathroom, checking yourself out a bit before starting to do your daily routine and as you start to get done, you hear another song playing. You jump immediately, getting scared out of your whits from the music blasting on full volume.. you let out a overdramatized sigh before pausing whatever you were doing and walked to your phone, which was still on your nightstand.
7:23 AM.
Sunday - October 10
Second Alarm.
As you stare at the time, it changes slowly but you start to get out of your haze and run to your closet. Picking out the most business class looking outfit you have ever seen really, you donât care as of right now though..
You immediately grab your coffee cups, well. Five for, Garcia, Morgan, Spencer, JJ, and.. Hotchner. You kept speed walking to the HQ, groaning at the feeling of your feet hurting already from your heels. The moment you got in and reached the elevator was a blessing itself, now with your good luck.. you should not spill the drinks nor will you. As you finally reached the doors of your department⌠You start to put the coffee on each desk and not caring until you get to hotcnerâs drink, you let out a soft and quiet
âFuck..â
As no one but you and a few more people have came in, maybe Spencer came in.. You look around before smiling at the area where the coffee marker is, you walk to it, getting out your marker and writing down.. âHotchnerâs drink.â in thick and bold (H/W) {ur handwriting} trying to make sure no one would take his drink really. You didnât know why you cared.. Maybe you donât want him angry! Yea.. thatâs- it and the coffee here is sorta horrible, youâre not crushing on your boss.. no! You are not crushing on him, he has a wife- well.. does he? You question that alot sometimes- but!
Morgan comes walking in, which is always nice and perfect!
I swear, idk how i havenât gotten writer block, im not usually so excited to write smth again- its so weird!! Anyways, the way im reading back on what i did in 2022⌠buttt~ do yâall want me to do more of thisssâŚ? Or! Start another book, that i did on wattpad? Let me know!!!!!
- Akira⌠Akira. Logging, Logging.. Off.
#first story#eek#criminal minds x reader#barking#for reid#akiraiscute#i like older men#x reader#criminal minds#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotchner#fem reader#new case
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Date Night ⯠Steve Harrington Headcanon
Pairings: Steve Harrington x Reader Fandom: Stranger Things MASTERLIST đ¸ Join in my birthday event! đ¸ Warnings: Fluff, cursing?, Steve is a nervous wreck lol Request from @musicallistoâ: helloooo! so, for your 3 year celebration, could I request headcanons for going on a date with steve harrington? I haven't seen s4 but apparently we all need fluff and therapy from it lol
A/N Thank you so much for requesting for my latest hyper fixation. If you do watch S4, Clara, donât watch that last episode. Not worth it at all.
Steve is 100% that guy to argue with you over whoâs paying the bill
Heâs all like âItâs the gentlemanly thing to do.â While puffing his chest out
To him it doesnât even matter that heâs a guy--he just likes taking care of people
9/10 Steve was pining after you for ages
Robin got so sick of it, she almost told you herself that Mr. Harrington was too much of a pussy to say he liked you
Iâd reckon youâre well aware of his crush and... you definitely made fun of him for it
âAwe, whatâs wrong Steve, do ya like me or something?â
Cue Steve turning the darkest shade of red in existence
Also him asking Robin, âDoes Y/N like... know or something?â
And Robin going, âOr something, you idiot.â
It takes a lot of hyping up for Steve to finally ask you on a date
Itâs all awkward and cute but so weird for him
Steveâs never been nervous a day in his life (except when he saw his grades senior year)
Because before going on dates was easy people threw themselves at him
He was King Steve Harrington--so why the hell was he shaking just dialing your number?
100% the whole call goes like this: S: Hey, Y/N... whatâs up, how are things going?... Oh thatâs good, hey I had a quick question--itâs totally okay if you say no, I totally understand itâs just that Robin keeps threatening me with my life and I thought Iâd die either way if you said no-- Y: Iâll go on a date with you, Harrington. I can hear you sweating through the phone S: OH YOU WILL? I mean--Yea that makes sense *awkward chuckles* uh... another question; howâd you know I was asking you on a date?
He buys you flowers. Doesnât know what kind you like, so he buys like 3 different bouquets
Opens every door for you, compliments your outfit choice even if you decide to dress casually
Iâd think your first date would definitely be something like the movies then desert at a local diner
Steve would let you decide on the movie because he just wants to impress you so bad (man has HORRIBLE daddy issues so he lives to serve)
When you grab his hand halfway through the movie--he swears his heart fell out of his chest (heâs in deep and he doesnât even care)
You make gentle jokes about how tense he is the entire night
Eventually he does loosen up--you two had been friends a while, it was just hard for him not to expect the worse
âI like you too, Harrington. Donât think Iâll go running away just because you say the wrong thing.â
That helps his nerves a lot--just you reassuring him makes him calm down so much
âHa, I knew that...â (he didnât)
At the end of the night, on the way home, you ask to pull over and star gaze.
The radio is playing softly in his car--all the windows are down and youâre just holding hands enjoying one another
Steve swears heâs dreaming--you kinda feel the same
Itâs weird how his nerves make you feel so calm. Itâs cute how badly he just wants you to have fun
If you try kissing him when he drops you back off at home--heâd probably faint
Steve 100% calls Robin when he gets home to tell her how things went and she 100% says âTold you so, dingus, theyâve always liked you.â
#murswrites#3 years of murswrites#steve harrington#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington headcanon#stranger things#stranger things x reader#stranger things imagine#stranger things headcanon
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lee felixâs guide to hating you
â ⥠FIC BANNER MADE BY THE AMAZING @chogiwow !!
pairing: lee felix x fem!reader genre: college au, tutor au ; fluff, angst, slice of life, slow burn word count: 21 k warnings: mentions of alcohol, mention of weed, swearing, bad family relationships
a/n: this story is very briefly inspired by jaeminâs drama âthe way i hate youâ :) also this idea has been in my mind for such a long time, so iâm happy i finally managed to write it. this is also my longest fic so far, i hope itâs worth it. uhh yea enjoy <3
taglist: @feyregelsâ @missskzbiasedâ @hyunyinâ @koishuaâ @crispy-chanâ @rindomoâ @soulssungâ @thatrandomoneinthecornerâ @90shermioneâ @chogiwowâ @creaticheeâ @freckledberriesâ @hyunnies-starsâÂ
Thereâs a list of things Lee Felix knew before applying for college-- and that is: 1) he really, desperately needs a degree for his grandparents to value him as an equal adult, 2) college in young adult movies seems like fun and partying and alcohol really does sound like his wettest dream, 3) he doesnât need to work for another 4 years, which is fun and 5) he is really, horribly bad at studying.
Hereâs a list of things Lee Felix, however, did not know before applying for college, and even though itâs fairly shorter, it hits you in the guts deeper, and that is: 1) studying for college means never ending chapters of insomnia and 2) he is always going to feel like the second choice for everyone.Â
You see, girls donât like Felix that much. Well, thatâs a lie-- girls do go after him, tell him heâs cute and his freckles are adorable, but thatâs only after they find out thereâs no use in chasing after his best friend Han Jisung when he gets himself a new significant other. Boys donât go after Felix either. Why, you may ask? Read the paragraph over again-- just change the word girls to the word boys. Itâs as simple as that. Heâs always the second choice, the back-up plan. It feels silly to drag his grandma into this, really, but the truth is, heâs a second choice in every aspect of his life, and that, too, includes his big (and still growing) family that treats him as something less than a human just because of the fact that his grades arenât as good as his cousinâs are and he doesnât have a degree in biological science, although heâs too young for that and his college years only started. Itâs hard, living in his shoes.
What is Felix, however, really good at?Â
Cheating.
Yeah, well, you see-- itâs not funny to be the outcast of the smart Lee family and itâs also not enetaining in the slightest to be the only single one at family gatherings (read as: weddings, because every single one of his relatives decided to fuck up their life with marriage in the past three years for some unknown reason). So Felix does what heâs the best at, and that is going by his favorite life motto: fake it âtil you make it.Â
He cheats on every single one of his exams and believe me when I tell you heâs the top of the class just because heâs the best cheater in town. Good cheating techniques equal good grades and suddenly, Felixâs life seems much brighter when he spends his sleepless nights with creating cheat sheets instead of studying and copying essays written in korean, translating them to english and submitting them as his own because no one will ever notice-- his degree is within the reach of his hand and he can already feel all the grandmas of the family clapping in joy, maybe even wiping away a stray tear on his graduation ceremony in a few years with bouquets of flowers in their hands and expensive watches in their gift bags, ready to welcome him back into the family..Â
What he doesnât expect, though, is the cute little saying of âevery lie has short legsâ he swears he heard sometimes in his linguistic class before, coming to life right in front of his eyes as the professor of his Biology class makes him the assigned tutor of the sweet Y/N Y/L/N, because, well, he clearly doesnât know anything-- whatâs he supposed to tutor now?Â
The best cheating techniques?
The freckled boy sitting in front of you looks at you with furrowed brows and you wonder whatâs the matter with him. Is there something on your face? Are you not dressed appropriately for the occasion? I mean, itâs only a tutoring session, so you didnât put that much effort into it, but judging from the casual outfit enveloping his body, he didnât really try to look fancy either. So what was it with him that made him stare you down as if you had horns on your head?
âShall we start?â he asks once heâs done staring, voice sounding determined. You wonder if he sees the hints of nervousness on your face and if he notices the way you shrink in your seat in the mention of biology, but you guess he doesnât know you that well to know that you fear the subject as much as you fear dying.Â
âYeah, sure,â you nod, scooting closer to the edge of your seat so youâre not so far away from the table. Felix-- your new biology tutor-- is sitting opposite of you and itâs quite difficult to read the text book once itâs upside down, but you donât dare to mention it to him for a reason thatâs unknown to you as well. Itâs like you donât want to overstep any invisible boundary on your first tutoring session, and telling the person that is teaching you to turn around the text book so you can actually see and learn something seems to be one of the taboos in your eyes.Â
You take a quick glance at the waiter that just stopped next to your booth and smile, opening up your mouth to order yourself a meal. âCan I get you anything else?â she asks.
âNo-â Felix offers her with a shy smile, but you cut him off with a voice a little higher in the octaves, not wanting your tutor coming in between you and reaching your biggest goal youâve set for yourself.
âActually, yes. Could I please get the chicken wings? With fries?â you ask, trying to look as innocent as you can, smiling at her in politeness. You ignore the confused look Lee Felix is offering you from the other side of the table. You mentally send him a signal to tell him to mind his own business, watching the waitress leave with a nod and a polite smile.Â
âOkay, now we can start,â you nod at him and focus all your attention to the boy with sandy hair in front of you.
âO...kay?â he answers, obviously trying to bat away his rising confusion, because ordering yourself chicken wings on your tutoring session is prohibited now, apparently. âSo,â he starts, sighing and scratching the back of his neck, âwhat do you not understand from this section?âÂ
You nervously chew on the bottom of your lip. Well, thatâs a sweet question, you think. It would have been much sweeter and much easier to answer, though, if you understood at least a bit from the things youâre supposed to know. You went to university with the urge to prove something to yourself, but the only thing youâre proving to yourself right now is the fact that you are actually kind of useless, when it comes to biology.
âJust like the⌠whole thing, actually,â you nod, trying not to look as defeated as you feel and also trying not to burst out in a manic laugh as you always do when you feel slightly nervous about anything.
âCool, cool, yeah,â he nods, taking a deep breath in, turning the textbook around and sighing, âI donât think I can help you with that.â
âWhat do you mean you canât?â you ask, confused.Â
Lee Felix is the top of the grade. He is the best at biology, he is the best at chemistry, he is the best at his farmacy class. Youâre sure heâll be a fine biochemist in a few years, when his college times are over. Lee Felix is the smartest boy in your biology class and you are, coincidentally, quite the opposite on this spectrum. Which is exactly why your teacher managed to make Felix tutor you in his free time. You werenât surprised at the fact that the blonde boy agreed to this-- he was quite the sweetheart, really. All the girls in your class fawned upon the way his freckles shined in the sunlight and the way he opened the doors for older professors. He was quite the boy you would want to introduce to your parents. Not quite the one every girl goes after, but the one that you would want to settle down with after your college years are over.
So why is he, the sweet, but also smart boy that agreed to tutor you, now telling you he canât help you?
âItâs just.. Iâm not really good at this section, I mean-â
âFelix, youâre the top of the class. Of course youâre good at this section.â you mumble, gazing deep into his eyes, trying to search for an answer.
âI-â he says and takes a sharp breath in, stopping himself in continuing his train of thought and just opting to shrug, not giving you a proper response either.
You feel like someone just punched you in the gut, and thatâs when you realise-- here it is again. Another person that doesnât believe in you-- another person that needs proving that you really can do it, you just need a little push. You can see it in his eyes that he doesnât think youâre smart or bright enough to pass the exams, youâre not good enough to get good grades. Itâs nothing new to you, but it still haunts you just the same.
âIs it because you know I canât do it?â you bluntly ask, sighing.Â
âNo! No, no, I never said that-â he says, almost panicking with the way his hands fly into the air hurriedly, waving them around as if it was meant to calm you down.Â
âYouâre acting like it, though. I promise Iâm not stupid- well, maybe I am, but-â
âYouâre not stupid! Itâs me! Iâm the stupid one here.â he says, effectively silencing you with his words as you stare at him, dumbfounded. Heâs joking, right?
âHow can you be stupid when you get only the best grades? Felix, if you just donât want to waste your time here, tell me, but donât try to hide behind poor excuses.â you roll your eyes, feeling frustrated at the boyâs antics. Does he really think youâre that stupid that you canât see right through his lies?
âI cheat.â
You blink a few times as if to reset your brain, gazing at him with pure confusion written in your orbs. He cheats? No. Thatâs a lie. A person as good at biology as Felix canât cheat. All his exams are on 100% and he never makes any mistakes. Heâs the epitome of the smart kid. The little Einstein. The prodigy. Thereâs no way itâs all cheating.
âNo.â you shake your head in disapproval. âDonât lie to me.â
âIâm not lying! Look, I genuinely, really want to help you. I really do. The thing is, though, I donât know how to study. I make cheat sheets and I use them at every exam and every test, thatâs why everyone thinks Iâm super smart, but that is really not the case,â he shakes his head, staring into your eyes with his wide open in honesty, wanting you-- no,-- needing you to understand. âI would tutor you if I could, really, but I just donât know how to,â he sighs finally, acting like heâs just given birth or ran a marathon, exhaustion written all over his face.
âSo why did you offer to tutor me, then?â you ask.
He takes a moment for himself to collect his thoughts, before he speaks up again. âWell, I didnât really want to get caught. You see, I would never turn my back to anyone. Really. So I thought I could at least try to learn something? So I could help you? But I failed, as always, so Iâm just coming clean in front of you and you have to promise me you wonât tell anyone.â
The moment the last sentence leaves his mouth, you notice the apparent fear in his eyes, realising that he just shared an information with you that nobody really knows. Itâs a secret heâs been hiding and keeping from everyone just to appear as the smartest one-- fooling everyone, including you. You feel even more stupid now, under his gaze. You feel played. You came to the tutoring, hoping to finally get a grip, when all you get is a person that is stepping all over the sandcastle of your fragile dreams, kicking every little piece of sand away with his lies. You know you shouldnât feel so invested in this. You shouldnât feel so hurt. But somehow, you still do.Â
âSo you just told me you are lying to everyone and cheating on tests and you want me to keep it a secret from everyone?â you ask in disbelief.
âYes.â he nods, eyes hopeful. Heâs been lying for the last year as if his life was depending on it and now he wants you to do the same-- keep quiet in front of everyone.
âAnd what do I do when the professor asks me why Iâm not getting any better? Huh? Ever thought of that?â you leash out, harshly chewing on your bottom lip in nerves. âI want to pass. And I want to do it fair and square.â you get out in between your teeth.
âI didnât⌠I didnât think of that yet, but-â
âLeave.â you say, looking him sternly into his eyes.
âWhat do you mean, leave?â
âI donât want to talk to you anymore. And youâre clearly not here to teach me anything, so you can just take your things and leave.â you spit out, crossing your hands over your chest.
âYou leave, then,â he mutters, looking rather offended. Youâre not sure why heâs the one hurt right now, but you guess thatâs just how men and their egos are, thereâs nothing more under his hurt eyes and shattered self-esteem.
âI ordered food, Iâm not leaving.â you calmly respond. Once you say this, youâre reminded of the little quest you made for yourself. Never once did you feel silly for taking it so seriously in front of your other friends, but now, in front of Lee Felix with freckled dusted cheeks, you feel almost invisible as you realise why you even ordered the chicken wings and how youâre going to write a yelp review about them later.
Well, someone has to do it, and if not you, then who will, right? Itâs the only valid way to find out who makes the best chicken wings in the town and not even your traitor-tutor is going to stop you now, when your list is only getting shorter and shorter.Â
He stares at you for a few moments, dumbfounded, before he sighs and accepts his defeat. âOkay, Iâll just have to text my roommate to pick me up,â he admits.
You nod, just in time the server comes back with your food, offering her a welcoming smile. âFine. But donât even think of talking to me from now on. Iâm not interested in more lies,â you spit at him, scowling as you take a look at the plate of chicken wings sitting in front of you in their full glory. You sense a very bad review, judging from the way the chicken wings look nothing like wings, rather full on small chickens dipped in oil, but dive in nonetheless.Â
âWhy do you have to be so dramatic?â he asks, voice coated in disbelief.
âBecause I was scammed!â you yell out, mouth full of chicken, not caring a second about the way you might look in the boyâs eyes. Yes, you could have at least swallowed before speaking to him, but did you do it? No. No, you didnât.Â
âOh come on-â
âDonât even try arguing with me!â you spit at him-- quite glad that this time, itâs not literal-- and huff out in annoyance, when the door opens and a short boy with a bucket hat on steps into the bistro, the red fabric of the seats of the booths contrasting with his shoes in a way that makes you feel captivated, your eyes refusing to tear themselves away from him.Â
The boy is taking quick steps to your booth and you almost choke on your chicken wings as you admire his full glory-- tanned skin and car keys in his hand, but his eyes meet the boy sitting opposite of you and thatâs when everything clicks. This is not the boy of your dreams, this is Han Jisung. Your tutorâs best friend and roommate-- also known as the resident heartbreaker. You shouldnât feel weak in your knees when you look at him, but thatâs exactly what happens and you wonât feel ashamed about it. Well, not now, at least. In a few hours when youâre lying in your bed? Maybe. But Iâll tell you then.
âYo, dude, I texted you like five minutes ago that Iâm waiting for you outside, what are you still doing here?â he asks, furrowing his brows at his roommate and slowly moving his eyes to you, scanning you up and down, leaving your heart to do the stupid cartwheel you havenât felt since, like, middle school.Â
âWe were in the middle of an argument, so I didnât hear my phone ring.â Felix answers, glaring at you with spiteful eyes. You almost prepare to kill him with yours, but you focus on wiping the oil from the corner of your mouth and smiling heavenly, trying to look like a lady in front of your new visitor.
âWas Felix being absolutely unbearable again?â he asks you, surprising you with his subtle way of engaging you into the conversation.
You giggle, rolling your eyes slightly. âYeah. You know him too well, donât you?â
âUnfortunately,â he admits, looking defeated, when he moves his eyes to Felix, looking rather sulky on the red seat in front of you as you chat with his roommate, when Jisungâs tone of voice changes into a more worried one, speaking up again, âdoes she⌠did youâŚ?â
âYeah,â Felix just nods.Â
Jisung sighs, sitting down next to his roommate, pushing him a little so he has more space in the booth. âWhat are you supposed to tutor her anyway?â he asks.
âBiology,â you mumble sooner than Felix gets the chance to speak up, motioning to the textbook still sitting at the table in front of you.Â
The boy takes a look at the papers, his face changing from a focused one to a one more lighter, his eyes scanning the papers with ease. You notice his mouth moving a little as he reads the words under his breath, catching yourself from staring when you feel Felixâs eyes burning into the crown of your head, snapping you back to reality.Â
âYou know⌠maybe I could help you with that.â he says, looking like a business offering you a deal that youâre sure involves something illegal. He looks like a focused squirrel with his cheeks puffed out a little in what you sense is pride, something in his eyes glowing as you nervously chew on your bottom lip.
âReally?â
âYeah, of course. Iâm actually quite good at biology, to be honest. Well, not as much as Felix over here-â he jokes, scowling when the blonde boy punches his arm, âbut I think I could tutor you a thing or two.â
âWhatâs the catch?â you ask, nervously watching him. Something in his composure is telling you heâll want something in return, but you donât know what yet. Youâre quite sure youâll sell your soul for the adorable boy in front of you if he asked you to, but it never hurts to ask beforehand, right?Â
âWhat do you mean, whatâs the catch?â
âLike⌠what do you want in return?â you muse out, taking a bite of a fry, noticing how soggy it feels under your teeth.
âWoah, you spend 15 minutes with Felix and you already think thereâs something illegal behind everything? Iâll let you know, Iâm better than that.â he scoffs. âIâm just doing it because I see how miserable you are. And I also donât want you to tell on my buddie over here.â he adds, smiling warmly.
You take notice of the way Felixâs eyes grow twice their size and how Jisungâs knee lightly bumps into his under the table. Itâs subtle, but you think that maybe this is when you fully fell for the short boy in front of you-- when he offered to save his best friendâs ass by helping out a lost girl with biology. And who are you to say no now? I mean, you need the tutoring nonetheless. Who cares if the boy tutoring you is someone else? Maybe itâs even more appealing to you this way, but youâll never admit that out loud.
âOkay then, sure.â you nod, grinning from ear to ear, feeling satisfied.
âGreat. Now, give me half the fries and we can arrange our next tutoring session,â he smiles, âoh, and Iâm Han Jisung, by the way.â
He winks.Â
You should be disturbed, but strangely, youâre not. You grin back at him, offering him the soggy fries youâre sure youâre going to give a really bad review in the evening, watching his composure change into a more laid-back one, engaging you in a conversation and slunging an arm around his best friendâs shoulders.
Lee Felix remains silent. He feels it once again-- he feels the loneliness of being left out.Â
And heâs sure it wonât be the last time.
Lee Felix knows damn well how it feels to be the third wheel. Heâs hung out with Jisung and his potential love interests multiple times, heâs even been on double dates with the said male, yet, he always somehow ends up being left out. So why does it still feel the same? Why does he still feel that restless feeling in his stomach, the emptiness in his chest, just like the first time? I guess you never get used to some things and emotions are one of them. No matter how much you argue that you know a feeling so well it doesnât even surprise you anymore, it still hurts the same. Thatâs funny about emotions. Sometimes, they canât even make you numb.
âHurry up dude, the bistro closes in an hour and half!â Jisung rushes the taller male (not tall, just taller. Donât misunderstand.) with his car keys in his hand, twirling them around his fingers in a nervous manner. Felix notices his roommate has put some effort into his outfit today, considering the lemon supreme shirt enveloping his body that he saves only for special occasions, yet, Felix doesnât realise why he had to put it on when theyâre literally just going out to eat some soggy fries in the bistro close to their house. He doesnât ask, though. He doesnât want the car key stuck in his forehead. He also doesnât know why they have to rush so much, since they have an hour and half left before they close, but again, he doesnât dare to say it out loud.Â
Felix quickly puts his shoes on and rolls his eyes at his roommate. âIâm ready,â he announces.
Jisung swiftly takes a bottle of cologne from the table in their small hall (itâs so small they donât even have a mirror in it, because there was no use in taking mirror selfies when all you can see on the picture is your phone case due to the fact that the room is too narrow for you to move further away) and sprays his body wit hit, efficiently confusing his roommate. âYou wanna smell great for the waiter there? Because from what I remember, he was a stoner-â
âOh, shut up. You never know when youâre gonna meet someone cute, am I right?â he asks, grinning from ear to ear like a cat, taking his backpack with him and opening the front door, âgotta look and smell presentable at all times.â
Felix wonders if this is why everyone always goes after his best friend.Â
No, he thinks, it cannot be the cloud of cologne hanging around his body. Itâs heavy and it makes Felix cough a little, but he tries to mask it, because heâs fairly sure Jisung wonât pay for his fries today if he doesnât. And Felix is a simple man-- if he can get something for free, he will do anything to achieve it.
They arrive at the place in a few minutes and Felix can already feel his mouth watering at the thought of the salty fries and cheeseburger heâs going to get himself, joyfully skipping inside the bistro and waiting in the queue. Jisung follows him, standing next to him, efficiently covering the smell of the oil and all the good things on this earth-- read as fast food-- making Felix scowl. The boy behind the register, is, in fact, Na Jaemin-- the resident frat boy. Felixâs heard all about him from the girls staying at the dorms and to be honest, heâs quite glad he doesnât have to live the stories of getting caught with weed at Jaemin's party on his own. That, and the fact that hot water runs in his apartment. Na Jemin might have the weed, but he surely doesnât have that in his college dorm room.Â
âThree milkshakes, two large fries, chicken wings and a cheeseburger, please.â Jisung orders, confusing Felix in one sentence. Since when is his best friend a bottomless pot for food? Is he really going to eat all of that?
âComing right at you. Anything else?â Jaemin asks, voice considerate and polite, still turned on his customer service mode, even though Felix is sure him and Jisung have had shared a joint or two on one of his parties before.
âNo, thatâs all. Thanks, man,â Jisung answers, leaving with Felix right behind him.Â
âWhoâs gonna eat all of that? I hope you know youâre paying, and before you protest, yes, I did purposefully leave my wallet at home-â he rambles, still moving, when his train of thought is cut off by a person in his view.
You are sitting there in your full glory, smiling brightly at the boys approaching you. Youâre dressed nicely, he notices-- you look like you put some effort into what youâre wearing. You donât look that much different, but he can still see the slight changes you made to look neat. Youâre glowing, Felix notices. You look excited.
âHi, Y/N,â Jisung greets, taking a seat opposite of you. He doesnât even give Felix an answer, he doesnât even give him an explanation. Heâs left there only to take a seat next to his roommate after collecting his thoughts, chewing on his bottom lip.
The conversation never moves his way. He is silenced. Felix wonders why he was even invited, watching the people behind the window laughing with their friends, happy to order some tasty food and have fun on this Thursday evening. He watches his friend and his classmate have fun-- well, as much fun as a tutoring session could be. Youâre laughing at every single one of Jisungâs jokes and he swears Jisungâs eyes never leave your face, even when heâs explaining something to you. He wonders why Jisung didnât tell him where theyâre going. He wonders why he even had to come.
Lee Felix knows how third-wheeling feels. Yet, it still makes his little foolish heart hurt just the same every time.
You nervously chew on your bottom lip, cracking your knuckles in a habit your friends always scream at you for, waiting for your tutor-- well, heâs not really your tutor anymore-- to appear in the bistro on the other side of the town. You admire the decorations for a while, liking the way it looks modern here and the purple led lights make the whole place look aesthetic. You can already imagine multiple college kids going here and taking instagram pictures to look cool. Itâs nice and youâll definitely include it in your yelp review-- it wonât make it more stars, though, if the chicken wings donât taste like heaven.
You tug on the sleeves on your hoodie, as if you were trying to make yourself disappear. I mean, you do feel embarrassing. You feel pathetic that it had to come down to this, but you guess desperate times call for desperate solutions. Youâre not here to look put-together anymore. Youâre going to show him your full glory and although you regret it a little, you still have a little spark of hope in you that Han Jisung-- the boy you, admittedly, were crashing on real hard right now, wonât find out.
Felix comes into the bistro in his full VSCO boy glory, as always. He is wearing a jean jacket and his freckled cheeks are dusted pink, youâd almost think heâs blushing all the time. He doesnât quite fit the aesthetics of this futuristic looking bistro, you notice. The retro places youâve been to so far fit him much more-- his sandy hair contrasted well with the yellow walls and red booths. It was starting to get a little repetitive, though, you must admit.
âHi,â he greets you as he takes his seat, smiling at you with what you can only describe as a feeling of full uncomfort. You wonder what made him feel this way about you, but you donât dare to think of it twice as you focus on the main quest of the day-- forcing him to teach you his ways.
âHello,â you smile.Â
Felix notices how natural you look-- it feels like now is the first time heâs seeing you in your full glory. You arenât wearing your neat clothes for a meeting with Jisung and youâre not too casual like you were at your first âtutoring sessionâ either-- youâre just you. The way he doesnât even see you in classes. He likes the fact that no one else than him can see you like this-- he likes the fact that Jisung is nowhere around, yet, he wonders why is that, exactly, since the two of you seemed to be hitting it off quite well so far.
Felix hasnât been with Jisung when he last tutored you. He figured thereâs no use, heâs going to get ignored all the time anyway.Â
âSo⌠whatâs the matter?â he asks, folding his hands into his lap. He dares to take a quick look at you, noticing your worn-out shirt and dark circles under your eyes, worry washing over him. Did something happen? Was Jisung a jerk to you?Â
âWell, I sort-of have a little problem,â you mumble out, tearing your gaze away from him. You seem shy for the first time in front of him and he wonders why. He doesnât understand your sudden change of behaviour. This isnât the you heâs used to. âWell, turns out, I am really stupid.â you propose, leaving Felix to gaze at you in surprise.
He chuckles. You swiftly look up at him with piercing eyes telling him to stop, and he almost does, but your face looks too adorable when itâs scrunched up like that, so he only giggles once more. âYouâre not stupid.â
âI am!â you whine out, finally letting your whole shy facade fall, exposing the true you once again right in front of Felixâs eyes-- direct and fierceful. âEven Jisungâs tutoring isnât helping and I feel so stupid with him! And I donât want him to think that Iâm stupid, even though I am, and I just⌠I canât pass my exams like this, so I need your help.â you say, eyes big, looking almost pleading.
âAnd I am supposed to help⌠how? Exactly?â The confusion is written all over his face, and it almost makes you frustrated. You knew he must be smart, if his cheating has been so good heâs getting through college with straight As, but really, is he really that smart if he canât read in between the lines?
âHelp me cheat.â you quickly get out, biting down on your lower lip just as you say it, as if you were regretting it.
The silence that overtakes the two of you feels like itâs slowly going to eat you up alive, angrily biting into your skin. It feels heavy and suffocating, your palms sweating as you watch Felix blink at you with mouth agape, breathing in and out. You pray for him to make up his mind soon, or else youâre going to run out of the bistro without a yelp review, tearing the skin of your cuticles as you see him blink quickly a few times before shaking his head in disbelief, clearing his storage.
âYou want me to help you cheat?â he asks for clarification, furrowing his brows at you.
âThatâs correct.â you nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek. You havenât been this nervous since you took your college entrance exams, and that shows a lot, considering you used to say that has been the most difficult experience of your life so far.
âBecause JisungâŚ. isnât tutoring you well enough?â he asks again, making you roll your eyes in annoyance.
âHey, donât put the blame on Jisung! Iâm just stupid, thatâs all.â you say, looking down into your lap, because his gaze suddenly feels like heâs judging you and you really donât feel like maintaining eye contact with him when youâre under pressure.
âIf you donât stop saying that, I will kick you.â
âYou wouldnât dare-â
âI would and I will-â
âOkay, but is that a yes, then?â you look up at him with hopeful eyes, resembling a puppy just a little too much, and, well, Felix canât just reject you now, can he?
âI.. guessâŚ?â he says, watching your face light up in joy as you clap a few times in excitement.Â
âGreat! Can we start today? We have to start today! I brought my text books and papers and sharpies and-â you are cut off by Felixâs face lighting up at the sight of you, his eyes looking warm and admiring. You quickly shake away the excitement before it goes too far and you actually go to hug him or something, taking a deep breath in and out to calm yourself down.
Just in that moment, the server appears with two servings of chicken wings and two large fries, making Felix look at you in confusion.Â
âI ordered you food, since I thought weâll stick around for a while..â you mumble, seeing him eagerly nod and take one fry into his hand, biting down on it with a face full of pleasure.Â
âPerfect. Just let me eat a few of these and we can get right into work, I promise,â he mutters with a mouth full of food, prompting you to take a bite yourself. It doesnât taste the worst-- the bistro you went to after prom last year was definitely worse than this, but still, you donât think Felixâs face quite resembles how the food tastes. He looks as if the Queen of England made it. In reality, itâs just a soggy fry.Â
âWhy do you always order the same thing? Arenât you tired of eating the same thing over and over again?â he asks suddenly, examining your face with real interest. No oneâs ever noticed your eating habits before, just shrugging off what you order every single time. Your little fast food experiment has been a secret so far, even though it wasnât that hard to cover it up-- nobody really cared until now.Â
You feel blush creeping on your cheeks as you shrug, feeling a little embarrassed for like the hundredth time today, when you reply to the boy in front of you. You know his secret, so it only feels valid for him to know yours. âI have this experiment⌠like, I try chicken wings and fries at every single bistro, restaurant and fast food chain in the town to find out which oneâs the bestâŚâ you mumble, looking into your plate instead of facing him out of the ugly feeling of patheticness creeping up your back.
âOh, thatâs cool!â he exclaims, pointing his fry your direction, a response you didnât quite expect, âWhere do they have the best ones so far?â he asks, genuine interest painting his features.
âOh,â you get out, feeling your lips unvoliteraly tug into a smile, âI donât.. I still have a few bistros and the McDonaldâs on the highway out of the city left, but Iâd say the best ones so far were at Wendyâs. I didnât quite like the chicken wings there, though, soâŚâ
âHmm,â he nods, deep in thought, âwe just get food at whereâs the closest.â he says, munching on a chicken wing. âI guess we could pay a little more attention to the food from now on, because after eating this, Iâm never going to eat the food from the bistro right in front of our flat again.â
âYeah, that bistroâs really awful. I only gave it around 2.5 stars, I think-â you say, before you realise you just spilled out another secret to him, feeling your cheeks heating up.Â
â2.5 stars? What, do you write yelp reviews or something?â he asks, clearly amused by your accidental spill-out.
âAnd what if I do?â you defend yourself, glaring at him with fake annoyance. No man will ever make fun of you because you write yelp reviews. Not Lee Felix, even though he seems too nice to actually make fun of you because of something, not anyone.Â
âThatâs cool, though! Those help so much when you travel,â he says, eagerly nodding at you with big eyes and an adorable grin plastered on his face, making you feel understood and happy with just the sudden sign of acceptance. Turns out your little weird obsession isnât as embarrassing as you thought it was. Or Lee Felix really is the sweetest guy walking on this earth. Either one is fine in your books.
You stay there for a few hours and Felix teaches you the basic cheat codes-- never meet the teacherâs eye, never finish your tests too quickly, always forcefully pick the wrong option before scribbling it out and putting in a correct one to not seem too suspicious. He even takes a piece of paper from you and scribbles down the basic cheat-sheet making structure.Â
He feels good with you. He feels useful. He knows he shouldnât be teaching you this, but really, is it really doing any harm? We all have to go through college somehow.
Yet, all evenings always end the same for Felix, with a bad feeling in his gut and a fake smile on his face hiding the true meaning behind his actions. Heâll never be the first choice and you remind him even today, after you leave the âtutoring sessionâ with a quick hug to the male, lowering your voice so only he can hear when you pay him your goodbyes.
âDonât tell Jisung, okay?â
Of course. Itâs all because you donât want to look embarrassing in front of his best friend.
It goes all how you planned it to-- youâre sitting at your next tutoring session with two males in front of you. One of them is your supposed tutor and one of them is a boy thatâs helping you pass your exams for real. Youâre into one of them, even though you shouldnât. You wonder how you even ended up in this mess. You swear you were a good student in high school, always submitting your assignments on time and making sure your tests were on 100%. It was kind of fueling your ego, in a way. You had no other plans in your life to hold on to, no dreams to dream, so you reasoned to do the only thing that you were good at-- getting good grades. You had to prove to yourself that there was a reason, a meaning behind your life. You had to prove to yourself that your existence was valid.
You watch Jisung with interest. You pray to god that he doesnât catch you in your act, because that would surely be embarrassing. You donât want him to find out that youâre just fine with cheating, because that meant your tutoring sessions with the male would end and there was no other reason for you to see him. You knew Han Jisung wasnât interested in you. You were sure youâd see it on him if he was. And even then, you werenât interested in only a short relationship without any good point. You liked Jisung, but you didnât like his reputation. One week wasnât long enough for you to waste your time on him and get your heart broken. You werenât sure if he was a player, or if he just wanted to desperately find the one by trying all the possibilities, but you werenât going to find out.Â
Felix watches you with interest in his eyes-- but you donât notice. He prays that Jisung doesnât find out about your secret little âtutoring sessionsâ, because that would mean he wouldnât have a reason to hang out with you anymore. And Felix really doesnât want that to happen. For some reason, he doesnât want you to ever frown. And heâs sure thatâs exactly what would happen if Jisung cancelled.
It doesnât click to him whatâs happening inside of his little, foolish heart when he sees you smile at Jisung and his stomach fills with worry.Â
It doesnât click to him whatâs happening with him when every time Jisung subtly takes your hand in his makes his insides twitch in frustration. He thinks itâs just because of the fact that heâs third-wheeling again, like all his life, and maybe that is partly true, but itâs not the whole reason behind the cloud around his head.
It clicks only when him and his roommate are back home, sitting at the dinner table with the left-overs from the new bistro you three went to, munching on the chicken wings and another pack of soggy french fries and the cola they had in their fridge.
âSo⌠what do you think about Y/N?â Jisung asks suddenly, making Felix furrow his brows in confusion.
âWhat should I think? Sheâs smart, I guessâŚâ he mumbles, mouth full of food, not quite grasping the full meaning of his roommateâs question.Â
âYeah, yeah,â Jisung quickly nods in approval, âsheâs getting really good. I mean, you can still see sheâs having some troubles when Iâm tutoring her, but at least she always gets good grades on tests now,â he says, biting down on another piece of chicken wing. Felix feels a wave of pride wash over him after hearing the words-- of course youâre doing well on exams. Itâs all Felixâs doing. Youâre a quick learner, when it comes to cheating.Â
âYeah, sheâs good,â he says.Â
âWell,â Jisung suddenly starts, meaning to sound nonchalantly, but only sounding like heâs determining his biggest life secret in front of his friend instead, âI like her.â
Felix almost chokes on the piece of chicken in his mouth, trying to play it off with a small chuckle. âOh? You do?â
âYeah. Should I.. Should I ask her on a date or something?â he asks and Felix swears he can see his friendâs cheeks reddening a little, even though the last time heâs seen Jisung embarrassed was when he accidentally called their Mathâs teacher mum in eleventh grade.Â
âYou donât date, though,â Felix opposes.
âThatâs not true-â
âTwo weeks long relationships arenât relationships, Jisung.âÂ
âNot my fault theyâre never the one! It gets boring after a while, Felix, I canât just-â
âWhy are you even asking me this?â Felix suddenly cuts him off, glaring at him. He doesnât know why heâs reacting in such a way. Itâs not like itâs the first time Jisung is going to date someone for two weeks just to break their heart, itâs not the first time theyâre going to run after Felix a week after just so they can still be around the one that broke their heart. This time, though, he does not want to see another heart get broken.
âJesus, chill, man⌠I was just asking, since you two seem closer. Did she mention anything about me? Is she dating anyone?â Jisung asks, eyes lighting up.
Felix could be an asshole. He could tell Jisung that youâre already dating someone, he could tell him to back off and that youâre not interested. However, he does not do that. Instead, he does the quite opposite. He pushes his best friend into asking you out, he tells him he should try it, because thatâs just the kind of person he is. Besides, he knows youâre into him. Maybe the smile on your face could make him forget about the fact that youâre going to get your heart broken.Â
âSure, go for it.â he shrugs, âI donât really care anyway.â
âFine, then-â
âIâm gonna shower.â Felix says, quickly standing up from his chair and moving to the bathroom, quickly escaping the conversation.
Only then he realises what he feeling in his gut means, only then he notices the way his sigh feels like the weight of the world is sitting on his shoulders and he canât breathe any time youâre around Han Jisung.Â
He realises he likes you.Â
And clearly, you donât like him back.
Emotions are something you never quite get used to. Even the emotion of feeling rejection, the emotion of always being behind his best friendâs shadow. Lee Felix is always just the friend. Never the love interest. This time, though, it feels even more heavy, because in a way, you seem way more special in his eyes than the people that went after him just to get with his best friend.
This time, he does not want to see another heart get broken. Because itâs your heart weâre talking about.
And to prevent his heart shattering to even more pieces, he has to do something.
He has to stop liking you.
As soon as possible.
âY/N?âÂ
âMhhm?â you ask, raising your eyes up from the cheat sheet youâre creating with Felixâs help, the grease of the fries youâre eating glistening on your chin. Youâre with him in a yet another crappy bistro, trying yet another soggy fries, and even though thereâs nothing special on you to a strangerâs eye, Felixâs heart canât help but run twice the speed of light.Â
âHow do you stop liking someone?â he mumbles, furrowing his brows a little, deep in thought.Â
âOh, do you like someone?â you ask, and Felix momentarily lights up at the thought of you caring if heâs interested in someone, but when his eyes meet yours and he notices them glistening and lightening up in curiosity, he realises itâs just because youâre happy for him. As a good friend should be.Â
âNo, no,â he quickly shakes his head in disapproval, snickering to himself, âIâm just asking. Because, think, what if, hypothetically, thereâs someone who is into someone else. Easy, right? But what if their best friend likes the same person? And you know you shouldnât like them because theyâre into their friend as well? What is there to do at that point?âÂ
You scan his face for a few seconds, thinking to yourself. âHmm,â you start, âI guess you have to start hating them. So the feelings disappear.â you nod, satisfied with your answer.
âHowâs that possible?â he asks, scoffing.
âWell, I donât know, since itâs all hypothetical anyway,â you giggle, focusing back on your cheat sheet. Your notes are getting smaller and smaller and Felix notices the improvement in your small lettering, making your cheat sheet less noticeable. Youâre learning quickly.
âOh come on,â he whines, kicking your leg under the table, âtalk to me. How can a person start hating someone? Give me a tutorial.âÂ
âWell, since you really need to know,â you roll your eyes, putting away the pen from your hand and resting your back against the seat of the booth, âthere are a few steps you can take.â
âFor example?â
âWell, you have to stop hanging out with them, first thingâs first.â you start. âBecause if you donât hang out with them, you will eventually hate the fact that theyâre not near, which will, logically, make you hate them instead.â
âIs that really logical, though?â Felix asks, furrowing his brows at you. In his books, this made no sense at all, but you seemed pretty satisfied with your answer.
âOf course it is! Then, you have to find something about them that you can hate. Anything. Find even the smallest thing, and blow it up in your mind until you hate it. Easy, right?âÂ
â...I donât think thatâs helping at all,â he says, tone of voice unsure.Â
âOf course it is! Youâre just refusing that it can be true, because you think Iâm stupid.â you stick out his tongue at him, focusing on your work instead.
He kicks you under the table, making you scowl. âOw! What was that for?â
âI told you that if youâll make that comment again, I will kick you. So I just did right that.â he says. âBesides, your ideas are stupid. Not you. Thereâs a difference in that.â he smartly points out, making you roll your eyes at him.
âSo, who is it that you like?â
âNo one. I told you, itâs hypothetical.â he glares at you.
âRight,â you nod, sighing, âwell, Iâll just stick to that, since that means Jisung doesnât like anyone and I still have a chance.â you smile at him, obviously missing out on the way your words just punched him into the gut. Felix laughs it out, kicking you in the shin instead.
âRight. Of course you do,â he nods. He wishes he didnât mean that.
You two remain in silence for a moment, while you get back to your work and Felix pretends heâs playing a game on his phone. You donât notice the way his eyes scan you over, admiring you, once in a while. No one ever does. He guesses this is the perk of always being just the friend. The one people are friends with just because they want something from him. The one that gets taken advantage of. He chooses not to think about it more. Maybe if he did, he could hate you over it, if he wasnât so used to that feeling anyway.Â
âWe should hang out on the weekend,â you say, taking him by surprise.
âOh?â he mumbles out, âwith Jisung?â
âNo?â you furrow your brows, âlook, I know I look like Iâm obsessed with him, but I actually just want to hang out with you alone as friends once in a while, you know.â
âWeâre hanging out now, though.â
âItâs midnight, Felix,â you point out, âand weâre working. I want to hang out with my friend, like a normal person, you know.â you shrug.
âYeahâŚâ he says, when your words resonate in his mind like a broken curse. âDonât hang out with them.â Donât hang out with her. You have to hate her. He has to start hating you-- thereâs no other way. And so, he turns to taking your words into consideration. He canât meet with you if heâs not âtutoringâ you. Thereâs no way. âWeâll see. Iâll tell you if Iâm free.â he smiles warmly instead, because truth be told, heâll never tell you no to your eyes. Heâs always been a bit of a coward. And he also doesnât want you to frown. Ever.
âGreat!â you smile.Â
And when Felix comes home that night, at 2am in the morning when his roommate is already asleep-- not knowing of your secret meetings, he lays down in his bed and repeats your advice like a broken mantra. He canât like you. He has to hate you.
Lee Felixâs guide to hating you: 1. Donât hang out with her. Only meet her when itâs necessary. If you donât meet her, youâll start hating her absence, resulting in hating her altogether. 2. Find a small thing about her to blow up so much you start to hate it.Â
Thatâs not difficult. He hates that you like Han Jisung. Itâs a small mistake, a small flaw, but heâs ready to blow it up so much he hates you for it. He hates that heâs not the first choice. He hates that you donât like him.
Maybe he would hate you more if you were dating his best friend for real.
Lee Felixâs guide to hating you: 1. Donât hang out with her. 2. Find a thing to hate about her. SUCCESS! 3. Set her up with Han Jisung.
Now, this plan is bulletproof, isnât it?
Felix unexpectedly breaks the first step of his guide only a few days later-- on a chilly friday afternoon, when his body is hurriedly skipping to the edge of the town centre only to meet with you. Just for the record, though, Felix didnât intend to break the promise he gave to himself. He really wasnât going to hang out with you if he didnât specifically need to, but, well⌠you called Jisung to hang out. Felixâs heart almost skipped a few beats when he was added to a three-person big group chat with you and his roommate and at that point, he wasnât going to reject an invitation to the fare in town, because he was fairly sure Jisung didnât like rollercoasters and he wanted to see you laugh your ass off at him in front of everyone. Is it a little spiteful? Possibly. Does he care? Not that much.
Besides, itâs only one time. It will never happen again!!
He finds you with your black leather jacket on, stepping from one leg to the other, looking around like a lost puppy. Felix mentally curses at himself for not coming sooner so you wouldnât feel so alone and awkward in the mass of people, when he realises heâs already 15 minutes late because of his afternoon class and his roommate is nowhere to be found.
âThank god! I thought you were going to bail on me as well,â you call out when Felix is close enough, smiling at him.
âWhereâs Jisung?â
âHe texted me like 5 minutes ago that he canât make it today. Something about his mum being in town? Iâm not sure,â you furrow your brows, âat least youâre here now, though.â
Felix is met with the realisation that heâs left alone with you again, mentally cursing at himself. This surely does not look like a plan to hating you. It looks like a bullet-proof plan on how to fall even deeper for you, with how your stray hairs are flying around your head and you adorably scrunch up your nose and sniffle from the cold.Â
âShould we go?â he forces out of himself, looking at you hopefully.
âYeah!â you nod, striding a few steps in front of him like a happy school girl excited to go to school for the first time. Felix canât surpass the gentle smile forming on his lips, shaking his head in disbelief. You look so cheerful and so joyful, making his heart swell with how easily you manage to make him feel so young again.Â
He follows you gladly, managing to match his speed with yours, almost forgetting for a moment that heâs not on a date with you, almost forgetting about the fact that you like his best friend and the smile youâre giving him is nothing against the wide grin you offer to his roommate.
âLetâs go on that one!â you cheer, taking Felix by the hand and tugging him your way, not once giving him the opportunity of letting go as you drag him all around the fare. You remind him of his younger sister with how excited you get about the smallest things and he realises he wants to protect your heart from the world just as much as he wants to protect his little sisterâs. Itâs not the same feeling, though. The affection he feels for you is different.Â
Felix doesnât find it in him to tell you no whenever you tug him on another ride, even when his legs are tired and his jaw hurts from smiling. He finds himself wanting to capture your image into his brain forever, imprint the happy memory in there so he can find it and look at it whenever his heart feels lonely. For the first time in ages, he forgets about everything. He forgets that heâs just the friend, the other choice. He completely forgets that Han Jisung was supposed to be there, at his place, sitting next to you on the ferris wheel as you watch the night city under you with cold cheeks and frozen bodies.
âYou must be sad that Jisung isnât here with you right now. That would surely feel much more romantic than sitting here with me,â Felix says bitterly once the reality hits him for a second, once his heart is unsheltered for a short moment and your eyes meet.
âOh, donât be ridiculous,â you roll your eyes, âJisung canât be romantic. Besides, if I really wanted a date with him so badly, I wouldnât have asked you to come with us, would I?â you smile at him, swinging your legs forward and backward, focusing your eyes somewhere into the distance again.
âWell, if you really want to go on a date with him, you can just ask him, you know?â he mumbles, playing with the dead skin on his thumb.
âSo he can stand me up and go on a date with his mum again? I donât know, Felix, is that really worth it?â you giggle, not noticing the way youâre messing with the boyâs head, not noticing the way a small spark of hope lights up somewhere in the deep pits of his stomach when you mention not wanting to ask his best friend out.Â
âI donât know, is it?â
âIâll have to think about it.â you muse out, and the spark is gone. Of course itâs not that simple.Â
Felix just nods and grins at you. The chilly air helps him hide his red cheeks when he thinks of how embarrassing his thoughts must have been in the past quick seconds. He focuses on your face, on the way your eyes crinkle up a little when you stare somewhere far into the distance and your hair flies a little with the breeze. The ferris wheel just reached the top, so he has plenty of time to keep admiring you from so close, but somehow, the moment still feels so short and he wishes he could stop the time. He wishes he could stop the time so he didnât have to face the reality when he comes down from the ferris wheel. He wishes he didnât have to see you fall in love with his friend, he wishes he didnât have to act like he doesnât care at all.Â
âThanks for helping me, by the way. I wouldnât have passed my exams if it wasnât for you and that⌠that would be really hard on me.â you get out, locking your eyes with his sincerely. He sees your eyes shining even so high above the ground, convincing him the sparkles really must be the stars, when he takes a deep breath in and responds.
âItâs no problem, I get it⌠I mean, itâs what you gotta do. What we gotta do, when we want to pass. And graduate,â he chuckles.Â
Does he really want the degree, though? Or does he just need it to feel like he has some worth? Does he want to graduate or does he just want his parents to value him as an adult, does he really want to continue working so hard on passing or would he just be so much happier if he just dropped out. And saved himself so much stress. He should have known he was never smart enough for college.
âYeah. I despise the smart kids in our class. I wish I were them,â you scoff, âI despise Jisung, in a way, too,â you add after a dramatic pause.
âJisung?â Felix furrows his brows.
âYeah,â you nod, like itâs the clearest thing in the world, âI mean, heâs smart enough to pass. Heâs⌠heâs got his life figured out, in a way. Heâs just fine. Getting all the girls and the guys, getting good grades, going on dinner dates with his mum on Fridays,â you giggle, âI mean, I want that. That sounds nice.â
Felix huffs, staring into the distance, âI guess youâre right.â He knows damn well how jealousy feels.Â
âI came to college to prove to myself that my life has some worth, but I guess the only thing I prove to myself is that I canât even pass my exams without help.â you sigh, sounding defeated.
âHey,â he nudges you a little with his foot, âdonât say that. Life isnât about grades, degrees and that shit. Of course you have worth and value.âÂ
He sees you smile in defeat, leaning your head on his shoulder. The feeling of acceptance, pure understanding washes over the two of you, when you gently speak up again. âTry to explain that to my brain.âÂ
He lightly giggles. âIâm trying, as you can see.â
You look up at him from his shoulder, scrunching up your nose and leaning closer to him, whispering. âItâs not working.â you laugh.
âI know itâs not easy,â he shakes his head, âIâve been trying to tell that to my family for the past 21 years.â he slips out. Something about you makes him spill out even things heâs never told anyone before, but he finds himself not caring as you approach his eyes with pure serenity mixed with melancholy.
âIs it all because of your parents?â you ask, âthe cheating, I mean.â
Felix feels his eyes giving him out, so he chooses not to look at you anymore. âI mean, I would have dropped out long ago if I didnât have to feel so worthless around my family then. Every single one of my cousins is smart, has a degree and earns a killing. Iâm just me-- living from the money I earned over summer, trying not to lose my mind with biology.â
He hears you humming next to him, your head moving as you nod in understatement. The ferris wheel is slowly reaching the bottom again and Felix finds the fact quite relieving. He doesnât mind having deep talks with you, he just fears he might spill out something both of you donât want to hear.
âIâm glad you came with me today, Lix.â you smile at him once the two of you reach the bottom, âwanna hear a secret?â
âSpill it out,â he dares you, grinning.
âI only invited Jisung because I thought you didnât want to hang out with me alone.â you confess, quickly turning around in your spot as you jog a few steps in front of him, carelessly, as if you just didnât make Felixâs heart stop and insides twitch in excitement. He prays and hopes itâs not just you giving him false hope, he wishes itâs not his mind playing tricks on him.Â
âI-âÂ
âAnd now that I know you donât mind being around me, do you wanna go to the dog cafe with me next Wednesday? You know, the one I talked about.â you turn around, flashing him a smile worth a billion dollars, taking him by surprise as his breathing hitches and he doesnât find it in him to reject you ever again.
âSure.â
Second step of Lee Felixâs guide to helping you: find a small thing about you he doesnât like to blow up so much he starts hating you altogether.Â
He was so sure that he found the small thing just a few days ago. He thought that the fact that you like his best friend could be enough for him to start hating you. He could sit on that thought for long enough to pick it up to the smallest pieces and over-analyse it to the point he could start hating you.Â
And he tries to do just that-- he lies awake at night thinking of how every single person heâs ever been interested in slipped right between his fingers just because of Jisungâs existence. He wonders why heâs never good enough to anyone, why he always has to be the second choice even for tutoring (even though itâs not even tutoring, but we wonât talk about that anymore). He thinks of how youâre so foolish to think your relationship with Jisung is going to last, because Jisungâs feelings never stay the same for long. He over-analyses the smallest things he notices on you when youâre in Jisungâs presence until the point heâs almost sure he can do it, he can hate you for it just a little, in a way, but then, the thought flies right out of the open window as his roommate crashes into his door in the middle of the night.
He startles awake, sitting up at his bed, watching the short male going in with much difficulty, sitting on his bed without a word.
âJisung?â
âLixie, I fucked it all up, didnât I?â Jisung whines, laying down on the bed next to his friend. Felix doesnât think itâs only due to the late hours of the night that his friendâs words arenât making any sense, but he doesnât dare to put his finger on it until he makes sure for himself.
âWhat are you talking about?â
âY/N.â
Your name coming out of his lips hits Felix like a baseball bat, hurting in all the right places, as the young male finds it in him to continue the conversation.
âWhat about her?â
âShe asked us to hang out together. And I didnât go. I know it wasnât my fault, because my mum was in the town, but still, I feel so bad, because now it must look like Iâm not interested in her and that I donât care and I really donât want that, you know?â he stummers, making Felix realise his friend talks a lot when heâs under the influence of alcohol just the same second Jisungâs breath catches in Felixâs nose, only proving his point.Â
âYou didnât fuck it up, donât worry.â he muses. And itâs true. Jisung could never truly fuck it up with anyone. Even his exes always crumble up around his feet, wanting attention even after getting their heart broken. Will it be the same with you?
âShe must think I donât like her. And thatâs horrible-thatâs- thatâs- I like her. Very much,â he whines again, getting closer to Felix and wrapping his arms around the blondeâs torso in a wave of affection that only washes over him when heâs drunk.
âSung-â he stutters, desperately trying to push him away, but even though Jisung doesnât look like it, he is a strong individual when it comes to involuntary cuddling. Felix can never escape his arms.
âI think sheâs special, you know? Sheâs like- I canât explain it. Itâs like with her, I actually want to try. I want to ask her on dates and love her and give her my heart, because you know, I never dared to give my heart to anyone. And no oneâs ever made me feel truly special beforeâŚâ he mutters, forcing his nose to Felixâs neck, âIâm rambling too much, arenât I?â
âYeah,â Felix sighs, nodding. He doesnât battle his arms anymore. Jisung is his friend, at the end of the day. He can hold him when he needs it.
âSorry.â he says shortly, sighing as well. The room falls into silence and Felixâs head spins again, his thoughts spiral like a tornado and the eye of the storm is you-- standing there with that stupid smile on your face and he once again realises that he needs to hate you in order to shelter his own heart, because youâre like a hurricane when it comes a to a personâs emotions.
The fact is, though, he could never hate you for liking his best friend.Â
Han Jisung is too likable for his own good. His heart is too big for this world, and truth be told, heâs been sharing it with everyone for such a long time now, he deserves to find someone heâs willing to give his all to.Â
He could never hate you for liking Jisung-- the boy who smiles at everyone in the halls, the boy that offered him to live in the flat his parentâs bought for him in freshman year, the boy that helps him hide his cheating secret every day. He could never hate you for liking Jisung, because he himself knows too well how much of a treasure his dear friend is.Â
He gets it. He gets why people always choose Jisung over him. He could never blame you.
âSung?â
âHmm?â
âAsk Y/N out to the dog cafe on Wednesday. She'll love it.â
Felix could never hate you.
Step three of Felixâs bullet-proof guide to hating you is quite simple and actually the only one he completes with success. Setting you up with Jisung on a date is easier than he ever imagined, considering the fact that his roommate decided to finally take things into his own hands and call you on a date after the drunken weeping episode in Felixâs bed.Â
Jisung invites you on a date to the dog cafĂŠ in town. The two of you go on Wednesday and although Felix feels like he just gave his roommate a piece of him, an invitation that was never meant for him in the first place, he feels at ease, because at least one part of his plan is working. He could never hate you, but at least now, it will be easier for him to ignore his growing feelings for you when you spend all your time with Jisung on dates and ice cream runs. He only has to ignore his feelings in school and at your âtutoringâ sessions. He wonders how long these will be a secret in front of your new boyfriend. Jisungâs not your boyfriend yet, but Felix can only imagine how short the time he isnât is going to last.Â
Felix does the stupid mistake of opening the instagram app in the evening, when heâs curled up in his bed with an embarrassingly big bowl of popcorn on his bed side table, serving him as his depression food. He sees your post show up, an adorable picture of you from the dog cafĂŠ, a big golden retriever in your lap as you giggle at its face. The picture is candid and looks like the kind Felix would like to keep as his lock screen if he had the chance. Heâs sure his best friend took it for you not only from the fact that you went out with him tonight, but also for the fact that heâs tagged in the postâs description with a big blue heart emoji.Â
He could stop staring at the picture if he really wanted, he could mute your posts and pretend you never existed to shelter his poor heart. He could do everything in his strength to cut all his ties with you. That would make it so much easier for him, wouldnât it?
But he doesn't. And maybe he doesnât even want to-- heâs used to the pain anyway, isnât he? The bitterness, the feeling of being pushed away, ignored and left forgotten.Â
He was supposed to be in Jisungâs place now, but that doesnât change the simple fact that he isnât-- maybe it was never his place to claim anyway.Â
Felix stares at the picture for minutes, wondering of how things could be if you only didnât fall for his best friend. Or if he came with you today. Who knows, maybe it wasnât too late for him to ask you on a date. Maybe he could still change your mind. Felix likes to give up on things too quickly, though, and that is the curse that will follow him his whole life.Â
Lee Felix is good at cheating. He is insanely good at it, he would also say itâs the only thing heâs ever been good at. Pretending.
Itâs his time to shine again. Itâs time to pretend he doesnât like you, pretend you donât hurt him, pretend he isnât in love with his best friendâs crush. Heâs been always the best at cheating and now itâs time to cheat his way out of liking you.Â
Sounds easy, doesnât it?
âYou must be really hungry, if youâre planning to eat all of that in one setting,â Felix mumbles, watching you as you eat yet another plate of chicken wings in yet another pointless bistro in town. Felix wonders how you even know about all of these, since the one youâre both sitting in right now, in the middle of the night, looks rather lonely. It doesnât even seem that welcoming-- it has graffiti on the walls and the seats are a little torn on the edges, but you donât seem to care as you munch on the chicken, eyes big when you stare back at your companion.
âI eat a lot when Iâm stressed,â you mutter in between your bites, mouth full. You look natural like this and Felix realises this is you in his mind-- cheeks full of food, that little wrinkle in between your brows when you look at him, eyes staring big into his like a loyal dog. This is how he knows you, in your rawest form, and this is coincidentally, also, how he likes you the most. He loves and treasures every single version of you, but your late-night meetings feel of different kind of intimacy to him that heâs sure heâs going to think of even when heâs old and his college years are dusty like an old polaroid picture. Â
âStressed?â he asks, tone of voice a little more worried than usual. Felix always worries about you. Even when you quietly take out your cheat sheet from under the table and write your answers down. He doesnât fear being caught-- he frankly doesnât care that much, but he knows that you are having a battle with yourself and he really doesnât want you to feel like you lost. He didnât know it was so easy to put someone else first when you worry for the future.Â
âThe finals are coming up.â you clarify, the words coming out a little bashful and smitten.
âOh.â he nods.Â
Youâre both quiet for a while. It would be cheesy to say the silence was comfortable, and Felix knows, heâs seen enough teenage dramas to know these words are used in situations like this, but the truth is, thereâs no other way to describe it, and he understands that now. Your determination shines through all your edges and heâs glad youâre doing what you can with the resources you have. Youâre not exactly studying for your Biology finals, but itâs still as hard and as stressful as that. It can feel a little embarrassing at times, but thereâs no other way around it. You have to battle your enemy, even if it means the game is not fair.
âAnd those chicken wings are fucking good, dude,â you mutter after a while, offering him one of the paper baskets the server brought you a few minutes ago, looking rather stoned and not interested in your presence at all.
âDonât tell me this rotten place is winning your chicken wings and fries contest,â Felix snickers, taking a bite that, to his surprise, actually tastes the best out of the amount of fast food chains and restaurants youâve brought him to. You should never judge a book by its cover and this bistro is clearly one of the examples.
âI have only one place left to go, so weâll see then, but I guess it might just be the top place right now,â you muse out, a wide grin decorating your features as you glance up at Felix that watches you scribble down your notes on a mini piece of paper.
âWanna go with me there? After the finals, of course. We can celebrate if we pass,â you point out, licking your lips in nerves, âI donât think Iâll need these âtutoring sessionsâ anymore then, but I still want to hang out sometime.â you say, putting air quotes around the words tutoring session, looking at him with expectations in your eyes.
âOh, sure,â he agrees, nodding. âI have to be there when you finally declare your last yelp review.â
You only laugh at him and shake your head, eating some more as you look down into your notes again, lost in work. âI still donât get how you can do these so fast.â
âI already know whatâs the most useful. You donât have to copy the whole textbook on there.â
âYou can never know! What if Iâll need it all?â you exclaim, only making him laugh harder.
He points his eyes out of the window, watching the empty parking lot. You didnât come in your car today, telling Felix your house is close anyway, and Felix doesnât dare to drive his car anywhere unless he doesnât need to. He has a little bit of a trauma since the last time he drove with his dad and he almost ran the car into a tree, getting a shower of swear words and exclamations from his dear father, so he only drives his small white Renault when he needs to go home. Which is, coincidentally, next week.Â
âI really donât want to go home next week,â he sighs.
âYour family is still onto you for the smallest shit?â you ask, tone of voice sympathetic.
âYeah. Canât wait to graduate so I donât have to listen to them talking about a degree anymore,â he rolls his eyes, âI only have to find myself a partner so my grandma can shut up about me being single all the time.â
You softly laugh, making Felix look at you for a moment, his heart skipping a few beats when your eyes meet for a little more seconds than usual. âIâm sorry. You can always text me, though, if you need anyone to talk or gossip with.â you say, averting your eyes from his.
âYouâd have to be on your phone 24/7, then. My mental stability comes down by 70% when Iâm back home and itâs already only on 15% now,â Felix snickers.
âOh, I donât mind. Iâll be staying here anyway.â you say, giggling.
âYouâre not coming back home?â
âNo,â you shake your head in disapproval, quickly glancing into his eyes before speaking up again, âitâs my parentâs wedding anniversary, so theyâre going on a holiday. Thereâs no use in me coming home if Iâm just going to be alone there anyway,â you shrug.
Felix hums, nodding in understatement. âThat makes sense. Iâm sorry you canât meet your family on holidays, though.â
âItâs okay,â you say, âI see them often anyway. One Christmas wonât kill me. I have a whole season of Game of thrones to catch up on anyway.â you light-heartedly laugh, sounding like Felixâs favorite song. He smiles with you, shaking his head in disbelief at how positively you can always see the world, when he glances out of the window for a moment again, only to be met with a surprise.Â
There are white flakes of snow falling from the sky and something in Felix wakes up-- something heâd call happiness, maybe even joy, when he quickly shoots up from his seat and calls you with excitement coating his voice, âY/N! Y/N! Come on!â
âCome where? Felix, what are you-âÂ
He doesnât let you finish as he takes you by the hand and tugs you on your feet, tugging you out of the empty bistro out into the dark parking lot, admiring the snowflakes falling onto the ground and every surface in his sight. He sees some stick into your hair, making him giggle as his outstretched hand dusts them off subconsciously, when he starts running around like a happy child, laughter coming out of his throat filling the silence.
âItâs snowing!â you exclaim, when Felix reaches your body frozen in its place again. He reminds you of a golden retriever when he jumps a little in his place, his feet happily crouching in the snow. You laugh at his antics when he starts acting like a little boy, this side of Felix being so new to you, yet you canât help but feel your heart swell with admiration when he asks you to catch some snow into your mouth.
âFelix! Thatâs disgusting!â you refuse, laughing.
âOh come on! Itâs just water!â he cheers, leaning his head back and opening his mouth wide, waiting for the snow to fall into his mouth.Â
âBut itâs unhygienic and dirty! You have to be kidding me!â you still reject his idea, standing your ground firmly as always in your life so far, when a face of a boy looking like an angel takes you by surprise and his big eyes plead you in a way that makes you drop all your grudges and all your beliefs down, rolling your eyes when he pouts, leaning your head back as well and opening your mouth with a loud âaaaaâ sound to satisfy his foolish heart.
Once you both feel a snowflake hitting your tongues, you look at each other with your tongues out, laughing at how stupid the other one looks, pointing to your tongues. You shake your head. âIt melted off, you stupid!â
âYou did the same thing!â he bursts out laughing, bending over in the force of his emotions. You watch him with a wide grin plastered onto your face. It feels like watching a movie. You donât think youâll ever have a brighter memory with the boy in front of you, with his cheeks red from the snow and smile so wide it hurts both of your jaws.
You instinctively take his hands into yours, looking down on your feet as you start going around in a circle with him, going quicker and quicker as you watch your footprints in the snow mixing with his, the dry skin of his hands making you feel strange. You laugh out when your head starts spinning, looking up at him to find him already staring at you with stars in his eyes, when you wonder,
isnât this how love is supposed to feel?
All of his life, Felix had thought that family gatherings could always either go two ways, and that is: 1) a normal, boring meet-ups where your grandma asks about how schoolâs going, when youâre going to finally find a partner and another one of your cousinâs announces their engagement party, or 2) the actual engagement parties-- every single family member including the senile grandma from mumâs side gets drunk and you donât have to think about more fake reasons why you have yet to lose your virginity.
You see, Felix is wrong in a lot of things. And this was surely one of them-- itâs the December 27th and heâs sitting in his grandmaâs old kitchen, the wind blowing through the cracks of her window and the sweets on the table have already melted from the heat being too high, because his aunt is always cold and they canât compromise. That sounds fine, even usual, Felix would say, however, the fire lights up a few moments later when his head starts to hurt from all the talking and he begins to dissociate a little too much, meaning that his grandma now has to shift her attention from all of his other relatives to him, because how dare he stay quiet on a family gathering where he has nothing to add to the conversation, right?
It starts off as usual, the answers to these questions digged deep into Felixâs brain since the first year of college. He doesnât even bat an eye when he answers the questions directed at his studies and grades, telling all of his interested relatives that heâs working hard and itâs paying off. Nobody complains or disagrees-- his grades are awesome. His degree is here soon. Felix almost thinks heâs over with when his grandma laughs at a poor joke that comes out of his mouth, but that was only a bad prediction as he moves on to questions about his love life, which are, believe me or not, much more boring and much more ego-hurting for the blonde.
âDo you have a girlfriend yet, Felix?â she asks, tone of voice sounding rather interested, but donât believe her-- itâs only an act. Sheâs ready to laugh into his face when he gives her the answer sheâs hoping for.
âNo, not yet, grandma,â he mumbles, averting his eyes from her wrinkley face as soon as possible. He really doesnât need to look at her any longer to know sheâs silently judging him on the inside, because thatâs just how his grandmother is.Â
âThatâs such a shame⌠I wonder why⌠Youâre such a pretty young boy, arenât you?â she mutters under her nose, tone almost whiney, âwhat about your roommate? Jisung, was it?â
Felix takes a deep breath in, closing his eyes for a second to calm his rising heart beat. He could have predicted questions like this coming, because the conversation always somehow diverted to his roommate even when he was at home with his family. Itâs crazy, how everyone just seems to adore Jisung much more than their own family member.Â
âHeâs.. Yeah. Heâs always with someone, you know him. Not now, though, now heâs single,â Felix nods, explaining.
âWell, Iâm sure heâll find someone soon,â she admits, âheâs such a gentleman. And so handsome as well, isnât he?â she asks, his aunt from her right side nodding quickly at the mention of Han Jisung.Â
âHe always has so many people around him, heâs so charming. If only you were more like him, maybe then someone would date you as well,â his grandma says calmly, not even noticing the way her words cut deeper and deeper into Felixâs heart, kicking him and punching him like a boxing bag, âyou should try to be more like him.â
Felix bites down on his lower lip, rolling his eyes. Frustration coats his voice once he speaks up, the built-up anger living inside of him like an animal kept well in its cage. He doesnât want to let it out, because he fears what it might do once itâs free, but he still retorts to a dig addressed to his grandma, huffing in annoyance. âShould I send Jisung home instead of me next time?â
âOh no, Felix, what are you even saying right now?â his grandma looks rather offended, eyes twice their usual size as she glares at him.
âWell, since you like him so much.â
âDonât be ridiculous. I was just saying that-â
âLeave it.â Felix says.Â
The atmosphere is too heavy now, all eyes on him as if he was in a circus, watching him just moments before his breaking. He realises he no longer feels welcome in this place and maybe he never did, he just chose to ignore it by now, because thatâs what he always does when a problem appears-- he chooses ignorance. Ignorance is Felixâs best friend, and although it may sound like heâs running away from his problems all the time, itâs always worked so far. Heâs just protecting his heart, building walls around it.Â
He doesnât want to fight. He hates conflict. So, even though heâd like to snap, even though heâd like to leash out like an animal, he doesnât. He steps back-- as he always does, taking the car keys from the table and escaping the house, hearing the calls of his mother after him. He doesnât bother to say goodbye, he doesnât even bother to look back nor take the Christmas gifts his grandma brought for everyone.Â
He sits into the small white Renault he drives once a year when he comes back home, starts the engine and speeds up to the limit, driving away from all of his problems. He doesnât want to hear their complaints, he doesnât want to listen. Itâs the best this way. He wants to ignore the words that came out of his grandmaâs mouth, but he canât find it in him as he hears them resonate in his head over and over again.Â
Heâs the second choice even in his own family. Heâs a joke to everyone, isnât he? Just the side character, the one that never gets the spotlight. It hurts, it hurts him so much, but he pays no attention to his blurry vision, because even though heâs fairly sure no one from his family would miss him, he doesnât want to drive off the road and kill himself with his escape.
He parks the car in front of his and Jisungâs flat after a few hours. Heâs fairly good at it, considering he never drives, and mentally puts up a middle finger to his dad in his head for screaming at him so much. He was in a much calmer headspace when he was driving with his dad than he was now, yet, he didnât manage to drive anyone over.Â
Putting his feet into the cold, empty apartment, turning the heating on and plopping down on the sofa, he once again realises how lonely it feels. Not only because of the feeling of abandonment the dark flat resonates, but also due to the fact that it truly feels like now, heâs all alone in this world. The silence screams louder than any words ever could, his ears lowly ringing without any sound in the small room, which makes him wonder if heâs truly the only one that has to spend his holidays pretty much alone. Maybe itâs his fault that heâs fucked it up with his family, who knows-- but thatâs a topic for another overthinking session of his, when he decides to let it go once his eyes meet the snow silently falling down behind the window.Â
The dark mixed with the white balls of fluff in the air remind him of you. Your bubbly laugh, the feeling of your skin on his when you held his hands and danced around with him in the snow. He feels a smile growing on his face, despite everything heâs heard today, his fingers involuntarily texting you to see if youâre doing anything and if you can hang out with him today.Â
He meets you at the door a few minutes later, your nose runny from the cold and hands dry, smiling at you with a sense he can only describe as belonging, because he realises, maybe you feel just as lonely as him on holidays and suddenly, he no longer feels sorry for leaving.
âWhy are you even here, Lix? Shouldnât you be at home?â you ask him when youâre taking off your shoes and hanging your coat on the hanger by the door. He bites down on his lower lip to suppress a bitter chuckle.Â
âChristmas got cancelled this year.â he shrugs.Â
Itâs not like he doesnât trust you. You know better than anyone what his struggles are-- he asked you to keep his secrets numerous times. Itâs just that now that youâre here, itâs like his soul finally feels calm and he no longer wants to whine about his grandma or his aunts anymore. Itâs just you and him and the empty apartment. If he was anyone else, maybe heâd try to get into your pants. Heâs just Lee Felix though, and heâs absolutely, wholeheartedly in love with you, he realises, and believe me, it kind of takes him over the edge, and so he doesnât try anything.Â
And you look at him in understatement, no other questions asked.
âIâm sorry.â
âItâs okay. Itâs all a capitalistic holiday anyway,â he shrugs.
You follow him into the living room and he throws the remote control into your lap, telling you to choose a movie before he comes back with popcorn.Â
âIf you donât pick anything before Iâm done, weâll just watch Venom, I donât care,â he says, seeing you adorably scrunch up your nose at him in response.Â
When he comes back and youâre waiting for him with Howlâs moving castle paused on Netflix, he canât help but grin at you. He places the popcorn on the coffee table and notices himself staring onto your body next to his far more often than the TV and wonders if he really drove away from all of his problems or if he just drove away from one problem to another, because now, itâs getting really hard to focus on staying away from you.Â
And when you shiver and curl up into his side, placing your head onto his shoulder, he canât help but jolt at the contact, staring at you in surprise.Â
âItâs cold,â you mumble, pouting.
Felix smiles. He rolls his eyes at you, even though on the inside, he finds you absolutely adorable, taking a blanket from the side of the sofa and putting it over your cold bodies, tucking you both in. You feel warm against his side, your hand resting on his chest. He wonders if you can feel his quickening heartbeat, his stiff body and the nerves rising in his heart. Everything else disappears, the fight back home long forgotten and Han Jisung left somewhere home with his own family, the weight of your body overwhelming him when you fall asleep and thatâs when he stops and thinks,
isnât this how homeâs supposed to feel like?
The halls of the university building are empty as Felix stands right in front of the closed door, silently pacing around the corridors and bumping his knee up and down. He just got his finalâs results and even though his soul was supposed to be at peace, he finds himself stressing over you, currently sitting in the room behind the closed door in front of him, getting your finalâs results from biology back. The professor decided to split your class into two groups for the finals so you can, quote, âfocus better when thereâs less people aroundâ and even though you managed to cheat on your exams without any problems, he still wonders if you did well and if you passed.Â
Once the voices behind the closed doors get louder and louder, he figures itâs near the end of your lecture and he can finally see you again and ask you how you did.Â
The last time he talked to you without the stress of finals breathing onto your back was back on Christmas break-- more than a week ago. Ever since then, you two have been meeting in the middle of the night again, preparing for your upcoming tests. You didnât really manage to talk a lot about anything else and even though Felix didnât mind, he still missed your mindless rambles and weird jokes you used to crack when you werenât stressing your mind off.Â
The door opens and reveals people coming out, a few of them wearing a toothy grin on their faces as they glance on the paper in their hands, a few of them frowning as they pin their eyes to the ground. Itâs not easy to differentiate the ones that passed and the ones who did not do that well and even though Felix feels sorry for them, he wonders why they just donât cheat their way out of bad grades just how he does. Itâs not that hard. It just takes a lot of practice.Â
Once he finally sees your face, a big, toothy grin decorating your lips, a big stone falls off his heart, a weight lifts itself from his shoulders, because frankly, you wouldnât look so happy if you failed, right? Youâre not a total psychopath.
âHow did you-âÂ
His words are cut off from his mouth, all air kicked out of his body once he feels you so close, the soft skin of your lips pressed up against his in a happy kiss. Heâs startled, to say the least. His cheeks are reddening in the instance and he doesnât even know if time stopped or if itâs just the rising anxiety and excitement in his chest, but he bites down the confusion and kisses you back finally, closing his eyes and bringing you close by your shoulders. The kiss is a little sloppy and messy, but he doesnât mind-- all thatâs occupying his mind right now is you, your sweet lips, your mouthy kiss, your excited hands creeping up around his neck, your bag that fell to the ground next to his feet, your exam paper marked with the big red A+ flying around the two of you when you let it fall from your grasp, your hair tickling his cheeks, you, you, you.
Thereâs only you. In the air he breathes, in the ground he walks on, in his hands and on his mind. Youâre everywhere. Intoxicating.
You pull away from him after a while, grinning at him. It still manages to startle him a little-- how just the small gesture can light up his whole world, how your smile can make him feel like heâs the luckiest person on this earth. He sees stars in your eyes and he wonders who put them there, hoping to be the one, believing he could finally be the one, with how you look at him and hold him in your arms-
but itâs Felixâs life weâre talking about. Thereâs only you, you, you and maybe somewhere, far away in the distance, there could even be him, but whoâs always there for sure is Han Jisung.
Han Jisung staring at the two of you from the open door, mouth agape in shock. Han Jisung with trembling hands, Han Jisung with his books clutched close to his chest as Felixâs heart drops and reality finally hits him. You were never supposed to be his to kiss. You were supposed to be Jisungâs-- his roommateâs, his best friendâs -- you fell for him long, long ago and thatâs how itâs always been.Â
He opens his mouth to say something, anything, to comfort his dear friend that looks like heâs heartâs being broken, but he finds no words in him to console his actions. He feels bad, he feels so, so guilty when their eyes meet, but he doesnât manage to say anything before Jisung turns around the corner and leaves.Â
The sound of Jisungâs quick steps is the only thing resonating in Felixâs mind like a bell, a signal for him that he fucked up, he did a really, really bad thing.Â
His insides clutch and eyes water in the empty college corridor when he wonders,
is this how it feels to break someoneâs heart?
You kick the small rocks beneath your feet, gazing into the distance. The cold in your bones makes you shudder, your eyes trailing around the neighbourhood so foreign to you, putting your hands into your pockets so you shelter your fingers from the frozen air. You think how this place looks exactly as you imagined it to-- tall apartment complex and a single big tree in front of it, the cars parked in the driveway obviously having their spot as the neighbours have lived together for a long time to know not to park anywhere else, because itâs more efficient this way.Â
Youâre waiting and waiting, hoping to see the one youâre waiting for soon, because you doubt your confidence will last you for any longer if you donât talk to him now. You could lie and tell yourself itâs okay and that youâre not nervous at all, but after Jisung ran away the other day and his roommate followed him a few moments later, you feel nervousness creeping into your skin after not seeing or hearing from Felix for three days now.Â
You remember him telling you that he likes to go for late-night convenience store runs every evening to get his favorite snacks. It wasnât hard to find out where he lives-- itâs the 21st century, for godâs sake. You asked a friend of his friend and here you are, waiting for him to appear in the door of his apartment complex, ready to talk to him about the events of this week.
Once you hear the door opening, you feel your head snap to its direction quicker than the speed of light, knees almost getting weak at the sight of Lee Felix standing there, confusion written all over his face once his eyes meet with yours. The frown forming on his face only deepens your stress as you wonder if he didnât want to see you today, which, considering the fact that heâs been ignoring you for the past few days, might just be the case, but it still makes your heart break just a little when you hear him sigh once he makes his way over to you, the sound of his sneakers on the ground being the only thing heard in the middle of the night.
All the snow has melted-- as if all the bright things have left just in time with it, leaving you sad and cold, the clouds of your breath hitting the cold air being the only thing reminding you of the weather as you feel your body heating up in his presence.Â
âCan we talk?â you ask, voice steadier than you expected it to be.
âI- I mean,â he starts, a shaky and husky voice hitting your ears, signaling that he probably hadnât spoken to anyone for a long time now, âyouâre already here, so I guessâŚâ
You nod at him, averting your gaze quickly to the ground, when you realise you suddenly donât know what to say. You try to search for words, yet none come out of your mouth. Your mind is blank and it seems like his presence took away all your vocabulary, but deep on the inside, you know damn well that if you donât speak up now, you wonât have a second chance and you really have to get it now.
âWhy- whyâŚâ you mutter, âwhy did you leave without saying anything the other day?â you ask.
The silence is overwhelming as you start to hate the sound of your own breath, opting to hold it for a few seconds as you await his response.Â
âI mean, isnât it obvious?âÂ
You shake your head in confusion, finally meeting his eyes again. âNo.â
âJisung⌠Jisung saw us. I didnât feel like it was right,â he explains, cracking his knuckles in a nervous habit you noticed in him a long, long time ago when he first tried to teach you how to cheat in class without getting caught.
âWhat does he have to do with anything?â
âYou two like each other.â he says bluntly, taking you off-guard.
The moment these words come out of his mouth, you realise not one, but two things. One of them is fairly new to you, the fact that Han Jisung liked you back was something you never knew you could experience, but even though you should be flattered, you realise it no longer holds a meaning in your heart. The second thing is connected to the first-- and that is, Lee Felix doesnât know that you like him now. His foolish, silly mind convinced him you were still in love with his best friend, his confused and frustrated brain didnât let him realise that for a long, long time now, the freckled boy in front of you has been the only one you thought about when you were falling asleep at night.
You donât even know when it happened. You guess it just did. You wondered how itâd feel to know what exactly made you fall for Felix, what that moment was, but something inside of you is telling you that maybe, it was even more wonderful this way. Unexpected, but totally reasonable.
âWhy would I be kissing you if I still liked Jisung?â you ask, the fear of directly confessing to him and getting rejected creeping up in your shadow.
âI- I donât know-â
âExactly.â you cut him off before he rambles and manages to find a stupid, silly reason in his head to justify his wrong expectations. You know how he is-- if he overthinks things hard enough, heâll surely find an answer. Thereâs none, though, so you donât dare to give him time to think about it and ponder on the thought for any longer.
âBut that doesnât matter now anyway,â he shrugs, putting his hands into his pockets.
You wonder whatâs going on inside of his head right now. You wonder if he regrets what heâs done-- if he wants to turn back time and never let you kiss him. The nerves make you bite down harshly on your bottom lip and you only catch yourself when you feel iron in your mouth, quickly licking your own wound on the surface of your mouth and take a deep breath in.Â
âWhy?â you ask.Â
âWhy would it?â he says, eyes boring into yours.
âBecause⌠I thought it meant something to you? I mean, it meant a lot to me, at least. Thatâs why Iâm even here in the first place,â you chuckle airly, feeling your throat get dry.
âIâm not saying that it didnât, I just think it had no point.â
His words feel like knives thrown into your chest, like a fire burning the pit of your stomach. You feel your legs getting weaker at his arguments, your fingers harshly tugging at the skin of your cuticles hidden in your pockets. You donât trust your voice to sound steady this time when you speak, but you donât care. Maybe itâs time to show your real emotions. Maybe it will change Felixâs mind.
âAnd why is that?â
âBecause people like you donât date people like me. Youâre supposed to be in love with Jisung. Youâre supposed to be dating him, heâs supposed to date you. Youâre too good for me anyway.â he shrugs.
âIs this all about Jisung?â you ask, eyebrows furrowed.
You watch Felix sharply inhale in and out, averting his eyes from your figure. The distance between the two of you is unnatural, as if to singal how the two of you are slowly drifting apart. You see him fold his hands on his chest, preparing for what heâs about to say.
âIt hurt him, back then. And I hate that. He loves you and I just.. I canât do that to him, when I know how much he cares about you.â he says.
Love is a strange thing. You hear Felix say how much Jisung loves you, but is that really true? Does Han Jisung even know you? The real you?
Does Jisung know how you look with your mouth full of fries and a greasy forehead? Does he know how you look when youâre stressed out of your mind because of finals? Does he know your favorite bistro, does he know your favorite movie? Did you cuddle up with Jisung on the couch just because you wanted to be close to him, comfort him and tell him youâre there just a few days after Christmas?Â
Or does he just know the self you put up in front of him when you went to meet him? The put-together you that cares even about the sound of your own laugh, not wanting it to sound ugly in his ears?Â
Han Jisung canât love you. He doesnât even know you.
And you never loved him-- just for the same reason. The feelings you had for him were merely a feeling of attraction, so far away from love.
But now you know how you feel about Felix, how his smile lights up the world and how his presence makes you feel understood. How even the silence with him speaks louder than a million words, how he knows you like the back of his hand and how he treats you like his closest friend. You know that what you feel when youâre with him is stronger than anything you ever have and although it used to scare you for a moment, now youâre ready to embrace it and live with it, if he lets you.
Lee Felix doesnât tell you he loves you. Maybe you can see it in his eyes.
Why does he have to put everything above love? Why does he care about Jisung more than you? Itâs breaking your heart.Â
âFelix⌠Iâm sure heâd understand. Heâs a good person. Iâm sure heâd want you to be happy.â
âY/N, you donât understand-â
âHeâs a grown adult!â you yell out, the built-up emotions coming to the surface in the form of frustration, your words sunding spiteful and angry. Maybe you are furious, maybe you are full of fire right now, but itâs all because of the boy in front of you and the things he refuses to let himself enjoy.
âWhy do you even care about it so much, huh? I was your fucking second choice all along anyway!âÂ
You look at him in shock, your eyes watering at the sight of the frown sitting on his face. Something inside of you breaks and you think itâs safe to say it was your heart, choking you up as you shake your head in disapproval.Â
âFelix-â you protest, but thereâs no use.
You see him turn around on his heel, opening the door to the apartment complex and leaving. It feels like youâre losing him, it feels like heâs gone forever. He turned his back on you, refusing all the love you were willing to give him, all the love you were offering to him right here, your heart in your hands.
He gave up on your love.
People in movies go out to party after a break-up to get drunk and numb their feelings. They either go to the club or go to a stupid college party, which is, coincidentally, your case today, but youâre not here to get drunk tonight. Youâre not here to drown out your feelings and numb your pained soul-- youâre simply here to try to have some fun.
Your mum told you long, long ago that happiness is a choice. You could argue with her and tell her that depression and heartbreak arenât a choice and that they, by themselves, are causing people the most sadness, but you had to give your mum a point. If you donât choose to try, if you donât do anything to at least try to stimulate your own brain, you canât expect happiness to find you by itself. Thatâs just, sadly, not how life works, and you werenât going to drown out in your own tears just because of Lee fucking Felix, because if you werenât worth trying for him, heâs not worth any of your tears.
You appear on Lee Haechanâs end of the semester party. You have A+ finals to celebrate and although you would be much happier to drink to them with the one that basically helped you get through the semester, you wonât pass the chance to socialize. You worked hard and you did a good job-- you deserve a party. Alcohol truly isnât the best for your brain, but you will just decide to call it selfcare. Itâs not like youâre getting blacked-out drunk tonight anyway.
You manage to have small talk with a few people from your class. Though itâs not exactly whatâs stimulating your brain, you donât mind it. You barely know these people and you couldnât care less, but you guess this is the downside of socialising.Â
The alcohol in your veins doesnât give you a chance to loosen up, though. You only feel your body warmer with the beer hitting your system, but your feelings still taste of salt, your brain not cooperating with your grandiose happiness plan and you think the people talking to you notice, since no one really tries to keep you in a conversation long enough when you start to absently nod at them and pay zero attention to what theyâre saying. You donât blame them, though. Youâd probably do the same in their place.
Your feet move their way to the front door when you decide that maybe your mum wasnât right, completely ready to go home and pity yourself for a few more days before coming back to life, when a familiar voice calls you from behind, making you freeze in your spot.
âY/N, long time no see.â
Han Jisung watches you with glossy eyes, yet he tries to look nonchalant at the sight of you. It doesnât feel like his heart is breaking when he sees you right here and there, chewing on your bottom lip, more or less, it feels numbing to his heart and his head. Itâs like he expected it all from the start-- the outcome that once so surprised him. But after all this time he spent overthinking and dwelling on the memory of seeing you kissing his best friend, it made sense to him.Â
âJisungâŚâ
He can see your eyes growing worried when you watch over him and he mentally slaps himself for not handling his emotions with more care back then. He could have spared you a lot of pain and trouble if he hadnât reacted in such a way in the doorway of your classroom, but the truth is, Han Jisung hadnât really known just how much a true heartbreak feels and nothing could ever prepare him for the physical pain numbing his chest. He didnât know it could hurt so much.Â
He doesnât want to worry you. You are still his friend, after all, right? Thatâs all you always have been and he should have understood it from the first moment he saw you gaze at his friend so lovingly in the university halls one day. He thinks you, yourself, didnât even recognise the emotion in you when you watched over Felix with so much care, with so many stars in his eyes and a big grin on your face. He could never compare himself to Felix.
He doesnât want to worry you anymore, and so he decides to talk to you like a friend would. You looked like you could use a friend tonight.
âHow have you been?â he asks, smiling at you. He hopes his eyes convey the emotion he feels-- how after all this time, he still feels comfortable with you and desperately needs you to do the same. He canât lose another friend. Not to love.Â
That happens every single time. Truth be told, Jisung used to have a problem with differentiating true love from platonic feelings sometimes. He used to think he falls out of love just as quickly as he falls in, but the truth is that it was never even love at all. Sometimes, it was just pure admiration. Feelings for a friend. And he managed to ruin all his friendships just because he started dating them.Â
And then, he just kept searching and searching for the right one, because no one ever felt right. No one ever made him feel loved, no one ever made him feel love. It felt suffocating, but so, so addicting. He could never give up on trying to find love.
And then he met you. And it finally made sense-- it finally felt right.
âIâm⌠Iâm fine, thanks,â you say, smiling at him with that smile that still, admittedly, made his heart race and swell with love. Heâs not afraid to call the emotion by its name. It doesnât feel wrong. He used to think he wants it to stop, but the truth is, it still feels nice.Â
Love feels like loneliness sometimes. Itâs a bittersweet feeling. But itâs still so, so addicting.
âAre you sure?â he asks. He knows you. He knows when somethingâs wrong.
He also knows your eyes have been searching for his roommate for the past few minutes of your conversation. He knows you want to meet him and avoid him all at once, love him and leave him-- it was a paradox.Â
He knows his roommate way too well, though. He knows he canât fall out of love with you. He knows, though, that heâll never act upon it. Lee Felix has always been the sweetest person in this whole entire world-- putting the needs of others before his own. He canât keep doing this to himself.He canât keep doing this to you.
âI think you know the answer, Jisung. Why do you keep asking, then?â you bitterly snicker, going around him and escaping the noisy house. Jisung doesnât know if you want to leave, if you want to escape his presence, but he canât leave you just like that, and so he follows you outside, seeing you sitting at the doorstep, as if you were waiting for him.
âYou donât have to think of me, you know that, right?â he says once he takes a seat next to you, watching your expression change into a pained one.Â
âItâs⌠I donât know. Itâs complicated. And Felix- he doesnât think itâs right. I canât force him into anything. It was his choice anyway,â you mutter. Jisung sighs heavily, the feeling your words on his chest heavy and solemn. He hates the fact that he is standing in the way of your happiness. He hates the fact that he is the problem, the invisible wall keeping you two from each other.Â
âItâs simple, though.â he shrugs.
Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. He takes it upon himself to explain before you begin to tell him that itâs not, opting to open your eyes on his own.
âYou two are in love with each other. So you should be together. Isnât that simple?â he asks, smiling at you subtly.
You scoff and shake your head. âHe gave up on us.â
âDid he, or did he just do what he felt was right?â Jisung argues. âYou canât keep hiding from each other. You canât keep trying to ignore your feelings just because I like you. Thatâs not fair for either of you.â
You donât argue with him this time. He wonders whatâs going on inside of your head at the moment, with your eyebrows furrowed and your bottom lip trapped in your teeth. You look just like all the times he watched you during your tutoring sessions-- focused and lost in thought. It will feel weird to not see you in that way anymore, but he has to try.
The same way Lee Felix always tried for him.
âYouâre too sweet, Han Jisung. What a shame our timingâs off.â you say, bitterness coating your voice. He looks up at you again, wondering what your words mean. âI used to like you back then, you know,â you smile.
Here it is, the strange emotion again. The emotion of almost physical pain, a hand squeezing his heart, a knife stabbed into his back. It feels like his world is crumbling down on him, because heâs stupid-- so stupid. He could have had you back then. He could have been with you all this time, only if he wasnât late. He missed his biggest chance, the biggest opportunity, the happiest time of his life. All because he was too hesitant.Â
He didnât deserve you anyway.
âBut now your timingâs right with Felix. Donât waste that,â he says, biting through the pain.
Because the truth is, if anyone deserved love, it was his roommate. The one that refused you for him, the one that rejected you for him, the one that set him up on a date with you even though you invited him in the first place. The one who gave up on his love only so he wouldnât hurt his friend. You could say that Jisung was too good for this world, but Lee Felix is the one that deserves the whole entire world, in his eyes.
Maybe these two were just too good of friends. Caring about the other one twice as much as about themselves. And thatâs exactly why Jisung will get over this-- heâll push you to his friend. So he could be happy, finally.Â
âJisung, I donât know-â
âDo it,â he cuts you off, âreach out to him again. Try it. For me.â
y/n: meet me at the 8Bistro at 9Â
Felix canât believe himself when he finds his legs moving to the direction of the bistro at the edge of the town. He knows itâs the last one on your list, the one you invited him to so you could celebrate your finals in and he finds himself wondering if he could have gone here with you earlier only if the two of you didnât share that kiss back then.
That damned kiss he couldnât stop thinking about for the last few days-- even weeks, every time he opened his eyes in the morning and closed them when he was about to sleep. It kept following him like a curse, a thing he couldnât escape, as if it was testing him like the snake tested Eve in paradise. Foreign fruit.Â
Youâre sitting there already when he arrives, fingers playing with each other as you gaze at the door in expectation. He sees your usual order already on the table, assuming you got here early, but itâs untouched as your knee bumps up and down under the table and you bite down harshly on your bottom lip.
He takes a seat, allowing himself to look at you again after such a long time. It feels like itâs been ages, yet you still look the same to him-- the same beauty that hit him when he first met you and shared his biggest secret with you.
âWhy arenât you eating? You have to finish off your list,â he mumbles awkwardly, motioning to the food at the table.
âI wanted to wait for you.â you say. Your voice is quiet, almost shy, when you speak to him. He wonders just how much he fucked up that it made you act this way. He knows itâs probably a lot, but considering heâs sitting here right now, he can still fix it.
At least he hopes so.Â
âDid you.. Do you want to talk to me about something?â he asks, nervosity filling his veins as he feels his hands form a little swimming pool with just how much heâs sweating.
âYes,â you nod, taking a deep breath in and out. He wonders if youâre just as nervous as he is. The answer is probably yes, considering your tense shoulders and restless legs, but he doesnât comment on it as he watches you begin speaking again. âI wanted to tell you that Iâm- Iâm in love with you. And that itâs for real, and itâs for you and no one else,â you start, quickly wetting your lips and continuing again, âand I know you must feel like a second choice, or like you werenât important to me at all, but thatâs not true.â
âYou helped me so much, really, but the more I hung out with you, the more I realised just how wonderful you are. And how your heart is so big, how youâre fun to be aroundâŚâ you ramble, taking Felix by surprise with your heart-felt monologue, âand that Jisung is not the one for me, because, well, it was just.. it was just a crush. I didnât know him. He didnât even know me that well. Crushes⌠they donât mean anything. Theyâre silly. But what I have with you, FelixâŚâ you say, drifting your eyes away from him for a second,
âI know you. The real you. And you know me. Youâve seen me at my worst. Youâve seen me struggle and you know exactly how to help. You know me and I know you and the feelings I have for you are much more than a silly crush. I love you, Felix. And I donât want to just forget about us.â you complete and Felix swears he can feel his eyes watering at your words. He chooses not to speak up, afraid of his voice breaking, afraid heâs going to embarrass himself in front of you. His emotions got the best of him and right here and now, no one else matters.Â
Itâs you. You that feels like home, you, the only girl heâs ever loved. You, the only girl that ever loved him back, you, who he foolishly rejected.Â
Youâre everywhere. In his veins, in his heart, in his foolish, stupid mind.
âFelix⌠I donât want you to give up on us.âÂ
He looks up, seeing your sincere eyes and a look full of worry. You seem so wonderful to him, even now. Youâre everything heâs ever dreamt of, a home without a roof and walls. With you, he feels at ease. He trusts you. Heâs never felt this way for anyone before.
He watches you and he hears your laugh, he hears your whines when he used to tease you so much. He hears the sound of your memories when he chased you around in the snow. He hears the opening song of Howlâs moving castle, reminding him of the warmth he felt when you hugged him so close that evening.
He used to want to hate you. He should have known that could never be the case.
Youâre all he needs-- all he wants. Youâre everywhere he looks, in every beauty of the world and in everything thatâs dear to him.Â
You, you, you, you.
And so he decides-- itâs time to change his plan.
Lee Felixâs bullet-proof guide to loving you: 1) hold her hand, 2) get rid of the guilt, 3) lean in and kiss her.
âDoes that mean youâre giving us a chance?â you ask, hopeful eyes glaring at him with millions of stars in them, sparkles swimming around in perfection.
âWeâll talk after you eat. You have a yelp review to write,â he laughs.
âFeli-â
Lee Felixâs bullet-proof guide to loving you: 4) shut her up by forcing french fries into her mouth.
âI love you too.â
#districtninewriters#this one means a lot to me i surely hope it appears in the tags bc if not i will cry#kafenetwork#kpopscape#straykidsland#stayhavennet#stray kids#lee felix#stray kids au#stray kids angst#stray kids fluff#stray kids fanfic#stray kids fanfiction#stray kids imagine#stray kids scenario#stray kids oneshot#lee felix au#lee felix angst#lee felix fluff#lee felix fanfic#lee felix fic#lee felix fanfiction#lee felix imagine#lee felix scenario#lee felix oneshot
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Dancing in the Deepest Oceans- Chapter 3
Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader
Your first date with Abby doesnât go quite as planned.
Warnings: mentions of blood and injury, swearing, angst, hurt/comfort, uhhh yea I did that
Hereâs chapter three! It definitely took way longer than I expected to do since I really wanted to get a lot of those requests done, so Iâm v sorry about that.
Also I kinda cheated and included someoneâs request for a bath scene with Abby in this so shhhhh itâs fine Iâm just lazy productive like that okay LOL. I hope you all enjoy (esp if you requested the scene) ! :)
Read the previous chapter here
You couldnât believe this was actually happening. You felt like the protagonist in one of those cheesy rom-coms from back in the day; the ones where the girl suddenly stumbles into the arms of her true love and everyone sings a happy song, except this isnât a movie and also itâs kind of the apocalypse or whatever. You didnât care though, this was the closest thing to rom-com perfection you were getting and you couldnât complain, because it was with her.
Though you had only known Abby for a few short days, something inside you couldnât help but feel like you had known her your entire life. The intimacy of those few stolen glances, the slight brushes of your shoulders, the way your hand fit perfectly in hers; it all felt so natural. You just hoped she felt the same way.Â
--
She should be here.
You glanced down at your watch again, it was 8:15. Maybe you had heard her wrong? No, she definitely said eight o clock. Your mind swarmed with possible excuses as to why she wasnât here; perhaps she thought you were meeting at seven and now she was the one who thought you were standing her up, or maybe she thought you guys were meeting at your room and this was the fault of some kind of miscommunication, or maybe she simply forgot. You racked your brain for any possibilities as to why she wasnât here, trying your best to neglect the most obvious reason out of denial or maybe fear.
The hallway was dark and quiet, the tile floor cold against your skin as you sat with your knees tucked tightly against your chest. Your back ached from leaning against the steel door, and you had become increasingly more embarrassed every time someone passed by. Their lingering gazes made you want to disappear into the earth beneath you.Â
For at least an hour, you sat outside her door contemplating whether or not you should wait for her. Was this whole thing a mistake? Your heart began to sink at the frightening possibility that she had been toying with your feelings this whole time, that you were just a naive girl with a childish crush on this person you barely even knew. God, how could you have been so stupid? This is exactly why you never formed attachments; they always ended in heartbreak, disappointment, or both. As more time passed, the fear and sadness that occupied your thoughts slowly began to fade into frustration.
This was dumb. Why were you waiting around for her like some lost kitten? You scoffed at how pathetic you felt. Anger began to rise in your chest as you thought of all the things youâd say to her when you saw herâhow youâd scold her for standing you up, dreaming up this gigantic speech about how if she wasnât interested she shouldâve just told you. Or maybe instead of yelling you would just never speak to her again. Give her the silent treatment for the rest of your life. That is what she wanted anyways, right?Â
As you sat there arguing silently with yourself you heard a pair of heavy footsteps headed towards you. You craned your neck to try and see who or what was approaching you, but the hallway was too dark to get a clear view. Panic quickly replaced the anger that had been occupying your heart just seconds ago as you stood up from your uncomfortable position. You could hear the adrenaline pumping in your ears as you squint your eyes at the dark figure headed towards you. A sudden rush of relief fell over you when a familiar face appeared out of the shadows.
âY/N.â Manny emerged from the darkness. His hair was slicked back into a bun and he wore a nervous expression on his face. The sole of his boots were caked with a thick layer of mud that left a trail of footprints in the hallways, and you pitied the poor soul who would have to clean it up.
âWhereâs Abby?â There was a sharpness to your words. You knew you should've been a bit more conversational (Manny had done nothing to you after all), but after sitting on the floor for an hour, you didnât feel like wasting time on bullshit small talk. If Abby was going to send Manny to get rid of you instead of doing it herself, then the last thing you cared about right now was seeming polite.
âRight, about thatâŚâ You raised your eyebrow, Mannyâs expression was difficult to interpret and you could tell he was here to break some kind of news to you, but for some reason it felt like whatever bomb he was about to drop was far worse than what you had expected.
âManny, whatâs going on?â You took a small step towards him, searching his face for an answer.
âIsaac sent Abby and I on a supply run this morning. Nothing too difficult, just transporting a few things to another base butâŚâ Manny looked down at his feet as he contemplated his next words âbut we ran into a group of scars on our way back and we got separated.â
You suddenly felt a tinge of guilt for thinking all those things about Abby. âW-what do you mean you got separated? Whereâs Abby now?âÂ
Mannyâs eyes were fixed to the floor as he delivered the news, his thumbs twiddling together nervously. âI uh⌠well, I donât know.â Manny noticed your face twist with anger at his answer and tried to diffuse some of it âBut Isaacâs already sent out a group to find her. Itâs going to be okay Y/N, Abby is one of Isaacâs top soldiers and you know heâll do whatever he can to find her.â
You were speechless, but more than anything you were frustrated. Frustrated at yourself for thinking such horrible things about Abbyâfor having such little faith in her. You wanted to scream at your past self for being so ignorant. Tears began to well in your eyes and Mannyâs words did little to comfort you.
âI should be out there.â You marched down the hallway determined to find Abby but Manny was quicker.
His hand grabbed your wrist and pulled you back âYou canât go out there Y/N, youâll die. Abbyâs smart, okay? Sheâll find her way back.âÂ
You tried to resist his grip on your wrist even though you knew he was right. You werenât a soldier nor did you have the proper training to leave the outpost alone. And while a large part of you knew it was stupid to try and leave, a much bigger part of you didnât care. You had to find Abby; you were willing to do anything, even if that meant putting yourself in harm's way.Â
âI donât care, I have to go out there.â You managed to yank yourself free from his grip and booked it towards the door but Manny was quick and caught you. Wrapping his arms around your stomach and hoisting you over his shoulder Manny carried you into his and Abbyâs room while you fought and cried like a little kid.Â
âFucking let go of me Manny!â Tears stained your cheeks as you sobbed into Mannyâs shirt.Â
When Manny finally set you down on his bed you were exhausted from crying; the only thing left in your heart now was an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. You werenât even allowed to leave the outpost to look for Abby, and the only thing you could do was sit in this wretched room praying she didnât get mauled by a clicker or hung by a Seraphite.Â
Manny didnât feel any better about this than you did, in fact it was his job as Abbyâs partner to watch out for her and he failed. Now his best friend was missing and itâs all his fault. The guilt weighed heavily on Manny as he tried to comfort you while you wept silently into his pillow. Even though he couldnât have possibly predicted the surprise attack, he still felt like this entire thing was his doing. He tried to plead with Isaac to let him go back out and search for Abby but he refused, so Manny figured keeping you safe was the least he could do.Â
Hours later you got up from Mannyâs bed to use the bathroom, and he was nowhere to be found. You figured he probably went to bother Isaac about Abby or something, he was persistent like that.
You splashed some cold water on your face before tipping your head under the faucet to help ease the dryness in your throat. When you brought your head back up you almost didnât recognize the person staring back at you in the mirror. Your eyes were red and puffy and there were dark circles under your eyes like you havenât slept in days. You looked like a mess. Your hair was wild and unruly but at least with that outfit you had spent way too long picking out, you still looked pretty cute.Â
At least you were a hot mess.
The longer you stared at yourself in the mirror, the more unrecognizable your face became. And then for reasons you couldnât explain, you started laughing. A hysterical laugh that echoed off the walls in the bathroom like a sick symphony fell unwillingly from your mouth, and you couldnât stop. There was something so incredibly sardonic about the events of these past few hours, that your body just decided to break out into a breathless cackle. It was a twisted reaction to a terrifying situation but for some reason it wouldnât go away. Your stomach began to ache and your throat was dry and sore again. It felt like this sickening nightmare would never end.Â
You felt tears begin to well up again when you heard something that immediately shook you from your shocked state: the rattling of the doorknob.
Your heart swelled with hope as you ran towards the door, not concerned about waking up the people in the rooms next door with your loud footsteps. The door creaked open, flooding the dark room with a pale yellow light that blinded you, and from that light emerged a figure you knew all too wellâ one that you had become intimately familiar with.
Abby limped through the door, at first not even realizing you were standing right there. You were looming in the darkness like some kind of monster, and you tried to speak but nothing came out. The only thing that snapped you out of it was the sound of Abbyâs voice, hoarse and hushed like she was speaking into the darkness rather than you. God, you almost forgot how much you loved the sound of her voice.Â
âY/N?â Abby wasnât sure if she was imagining this. She thought maybe the expired pain meds had some hallucinatory side effects and you were just what she wanted to see the most. Abbyâs doubts faded into nothing when you took a small step into the light. In that moment she knew that this was realâthat you were real.
When your eyes finally adjusted to the harsh lights you saw her face and gasped. To say Abby was in rough shape would be putting it lightly. There were cuts and bruises all over her face and body, and her clothes were absolutely filthy, but you couldnât be bothered with that right now. You ran into her arms to embrace her tightly and Abby winced at the contact. Quickly you pulled back out of fear you hurt her, but Abbyâs arms wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you back in.
Abby let out a loud exhale and for a small moment the jabbing pains all over her body ceased to exist. The only thing occupying her mind was the warmth of your bodyâhow she could feel your heart beating with how tightly she was holding you, and she could finally exhale.
When you pulled away, a flood of emotions suddenly began to flow through you, filling you to the brim until the only words you could manage to mutter out through choked sobs were âI thought you were-â
âI know. Iâm sorry.â There was a somber expression on Abbyâs face as she wiped the tears from your cheek with the pads of her thumbs.Â
You sniffed, looking up at her, you cleared your throat before speaking âJesus Abby, your face.â you softly grabbed Abbyâs chin, examining her injuries in the light. There were crimson slices all over her face, and she was beaten black and blue. A particularly deep cut on her forehead had been stitched carefully and there was a cotton bandage wrapped around her left forearm. The state of your distress now seemed like peanuts compared to Abbyâs state.
Without thinking you hugged Abby again tightly, revelling in the comfort of her embrace. Abbyâs eyes were closed when you wrapped your arms around her, her eyebrows were furrowed and you werenât sure if she was about to cry or scream. Though you didnât know much about Abby, you did know she was a soldierâa warrior who wasnât disturbed easily. You had no idea what she had just been through, but whatever happened had shaken her up pretty good.Â
âHere.â Bringing your arms up to the strap of her backpack, you helped her ease it off her shoulder. She let out a breath of relief as you lifted the weight from her back and placed it near the door.Â
Looking at Abby now you finally realized how dirty she was. There was mud and grime all over her clothes and her braid was loose and unruly.Â
âHey, uh Iâll run a bath for you, just wait here.â Considering her state you figured a bath would be more relaxing than a shower. Besides, you needed to feel useful right now, and if that meant taking care of Abby for a bit? You didnât mind at all.
Hesitantly, you made your way to the bathroom and laid out a small towel on the tile floor. Turning on the faucet, you placed the plug in the tub and made your way to Abby, guiding her to the edge of the tub. âLet me know if the water is too hot, okay?â
Abby nodded as she ran her hand under the running water, letting the warmth fall between her fingers. When the tub was full, you turned off the faucet and stood up, using Abbyâs shoulders to help steady you as you started for the door but something stopped you.Â
âWait-â You stopped, Abbyâs hand was over the one you placed on your shoulder, securing it there so you wouldnât leave. She looked at you with pleading eyes as she spoke âCan⌠can you stay?â Abby didnât say anything more but you could tell by the look in her eyes she needed you here.Â
âSure. Iâll turn around and you can get undressed.â You turned to face the door, looking down at the tile floor as you traced the crevices with your finger. The only sound that could be heard was the droplets of water that fell from the faucet echoing against the walls and the soft rustling of Abby removing her clothes. Eventually you heard Abby lower herself into the tub, she let out a loud sigh as the tension in her muscles dissipated from the warm water.
âYou can turn around now.â Abbyâs voice was quiet when she finally spoke.
Slowly you turned around to see Abby sitting in the tub, her legs tucked against her chest as she hugged herself tightly. Her eyes were fixed on the floor of the tub while she rested her chin on her knee. It broke your heart when you saw her injuries in the light. There were deep purple bruises along her shoulder blades and scabbed over cuts along her arms and legs. You also saw scars, a lot of them. Some were old and faded, while others were new, probably sustained within the last couple of weeks.
The steam from the water floated up, fogging the mirrors and warming the room. You made your way to the edge of the tub with a small washcloth, dipping it into the water just slightly. âHere.â
Bringing your finger to Abbyâs chin you lifted her eyes to face yours. Her features softened when you met her gaze and lightly you brought the washcloth to her face. Careful to avoid the stitches on her forehead, you rid the dirt from her face, dipping the cloth into the water every once in a while before bringing it back to her face.
Her freckles were more prominent in the light and her eyes stuck attentively studying your movements. When all the grime was gone, you couldnât help but notice a whisper of a blush on Abbyâs cheeks.Â
âOne hell of a first date, huh?â Abby spoke seriously but you could see a hint of a smirk on the edge of her mouth. A bit of her normal self was beginning to return.
Sitting up more straight now you gave her a small smile. âThis is definitely the most interesting one Iâve ever been on.âÂ
You reached for her braid, undoing the elastic and separating the strands from each other while Abby spoke. âOh so youâve never bathed someone during a first date?â
âI can confidently say that this is my first.â Grabbing the small bar of soap from the dish in the corner, you dipped it into the water and lathered it between your fingers.Â
The soap filled the air with the scent of pine and rain and you sighed at the smell. It filled your senses and reminded you of the first time you saw her. Not the time in the cafeteria but on that rainy day when you bumped into her for the first time. You inhaled deeply; it smelled like her.
Gently you began massaging the bubbles into Abbyâs hair. Weaving the blonde locks through your fingers, and purposely taking longer than necessary. Watching closely as Abbyâs muscles relaxed and her eyes fluttered closed from your touch.Â
âLean back.â Shielding her face from the water you grabbed a cup and poured the water over her head, letting the bubbles wash away from her scalp and into the water. âIs this okay?âÂ
Abby hummed in response and you took that as a yes. You repeated the process while you washed the soap from her hair, doing it a couple more times than needed because you knew it calmed her.Â
The bathroom was quiet again, the only sound coming from the steady flow of water from the cup onto her head, and into the water. It was peaceful, and the both of you were content in this familiar silence. Appreciating each otherâs company without the need to fill the air.
When you were done you sat up and laid out a towel for Abby, drying your hands on your shirt. âIâll grab you some clean clothes, just give me a sec.âÂ
You left Abby to dry off while you searched for some clean clothes. Grabbing what you assumed was a clean shirt and a pair of sweatpants, you made your way back to the bathroom. Standing outside the door, you knocked lightly. âCan I come in?âÂ
Before you could wait for an answer, Abby opened the door a bit, hiding herself behind it. You handed Abby the clothes and she gave you an appreciative smile, it was small but genuine. âThanks.âÂ
You sat beside the bathroom door waiting for Abby and trying not to think about the fact that she couldâve died out there. She was here and thatâs all that mattered for now.
Your mind wandered as you picked at your sleeve, you noticed there were a few wet spots on your shirt from the edge of the tub. The cool air made you shiver and you regretted not bringing a sweater, even if this was supposed to be a night in.Â
When Abby finally emerged from the bathroom you quickly stood up, unsure of what to do next. Her hair was still damp and spread across her shoulders; this was the first time you had ever seen her without that signature braid and you were in awe of how beautiful she looked. It was such a strange thought but it was the only thing occupying your mind. There was something so rare about seeing her like this that you couldnât stop the flutter in your heart when it happened.Â
Grabbing her hand, you led her to the bed on the opposite side of Mannyâs and pulled the covers back so she could slip in. When she settled under the sheets you neatly tucked her in before standing up again.Â
You didnât know what to do now. Would it be rude to stay? Abby clearly needed the rest, but something in you desperately wanted to stay. You decided to let her sleep and started towards the door when you heard a small voice from beneath the covers. âStay. Please.â
Abbyâs voice was quiet and you could hear the exhaustion behind it. You looked at her with a smile and sat down on the bed next to her, pushing a strand of hair from her forehead before smoothing it down softly. She looked at you apologetically as you caressed her head, and you gave her a look of reassurance even if you were scared out of your mind. Her eyes fluttered closed and her features softened from your touch. You stayed like this for a while, continuing even after her breathing had slowed and you knew she was asleep.
You stayed up watching her sleep; studying the way her mouth was slightly agape as she let out small breaths. She looked so peaceful.
A small teardrop escaped from your eye, and you quickly wiped it away. You knew this wasnât going to be the last time sheâd be like this; battered and bruised and fighting a war that seemed to never end. It hurt your heart to know that she was on this path of self-destruction, but what hurt most was knowing sheâd likely never stop.Â
You tried not to think about that right now. Eventually letting your attention fall onto the wet shirt that was still stuck to different parts of your body. Removing the item you walked over to the drawer where you had found the clothes for Abby and slipped on one of her t-shirts. It was devastatingly oversized on you but it was warm and smelled like her.Â
You settled onto the space next to Abbyâs bed, ignoring the ache in your back as you lay flat on the floor beneath you. Though the pain was worth enduring with the knowledge that Abby was here, and thatâs all that mattered to you right now.Â
While you lay on the floor you began thinking about how different things were just hours ago. It wasnât long ago that you were practically dancing like an idiot in your mirror because you were going on a date with Abby. Itâs strange how many emotions you had gone through in one day, you were almost positive you had broken some kind of record. You chuckled at yourself; surely no one was going to spontaneously break out into a song like in the movies, but you didnât mind. This was enoughâ being here with Abby was enough.Â
Eventually, exhaustion overtook your body and you quickly felt your eyes becoming heavier. The floor was beginning to feel a lot more comfier than when you had sat down and before you knew it, you had fallen into a deep slumber.
#abby anderson x reader#abby anderson imagine#the last of us imagine#tlou#tlou2#abby anderson#the last of us#the last of us 2#fxf#fluff#angst#definitely did not use a The Cure song for my chapter title
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HEHEHHEHE my brainworns work real hard
okay part two tho: the kids during school and parents picking up their kids
clara and isaac:
clara is definitely whining saying that she doesnât want to go home and that âshe just started to have funâ
clara is the god send when it comes to isaac being the only one to actually help him. she is isaacs big sister and protector
she is a natural big sister to everyone and that leads to her being the class helper by the end of the day
brags about her dad and pulled out a sales sheet to prove how good he is
isaac definitely did worry the teachers. it didnât even help that his dad is fuckin diluc and could have their job in a second
isaac chilled near lunch time when he saw the note his mom made for him and forgave his dad for backing his favorite toy (forgive but never forget)
isaac has never ran faster into his moms arms sniffling and hiccuping that it was horrible and he missed the both of them and to never abandon him again
clara finally catcher up bolting in her dads arms saying it was amazing and asking if the both of them can come back again (leading to isaac wailing more and gripping on to momâs shirt tighter)
the teacher explained the situation and apologized for not being able to comfort isaac excessive crying
all diluc said before leaving with them was âyea he does that sometimesâ
calla:
calla is super opinionated so the told her parents everything and i mean EVERYTHING she liked and disliked
âthe teachers outfit was ugly so i drew her a new oneâ and kaeya would nodded as add that the shoes didnât match the outfit as well
she definitely is more artsy i feel (maybe getting that for albedo and eula) so she is graceful at the recorder and draws a fantastic horse
she also hates the school lunch and begged her mom to ânot eat the dog foodâ
she is in charge of the school pet and she takes it more seriously than anything
nikolai:
nikolai is really annoying to the teachers. they might say itâs naptime but he thinks they should play for another hour
he is a bit shy when he first comes in but by minute ten he is having too much fun
he is just friends with everyone, he is that kind of kid
he climbed the tree three times and got stuck each time
the minute dad picked him up he talked his ear off on how his day went (mom had to make him take a nap because with dad he feeds off his energy)
he asks for a lunch like jia for the next day
jia:
jia like i said had the most normal. she made friends and had a lot of fun
she showed her dad the history book she got on her first day and he fact checked it with her that night
she talks about her friends a lot and asks to pack extra for them to share
she also asks her dad to become a dragon because they âdonât believe you are rex lapisâ
she likes moraâŚ.that was found out when nikolai bribed her not to tell the teacher about the gang and she came back with three bags of mora.
she tells her dad that they have a bring your pet to work day and she wants to bring him since he is a lizard and thatâs a pet.
-i actually tutor kids as a part time job so i was thinking about some of my experience lol ITS GOOD TO AN UNOFFICIAL ASSISTANT OF THE SERIES I LOVE IT đ anon
clara pulls out a credit card at one point and sheâs like âyeah my daddy is richâ even though none of the kids have a concept of money yet đđ calla wears luxury only too. like kaeya probably dresses her in gucci and burberry just because
zhongli gets jia a pet lizard and is like âyeah thatâs meâ
nikolai is so funny he definitely eats glue
calla, clara and nikolai causing problems and jia and isaac stick back to read a book or color sea animals
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MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!
Hawks saw you there, holding this mans head in your lap. Hands glowing a bright green, eyes too as you tired your hardest to save this hero. He couldnât be more than in the thirties for ranking but you were trying your hardest to save him. Damn did you look beautiful, a little bit of sweat on your brow while you concentrated hard, your y/c/h hanging on your cheeks, and this determinate look on your face. But sadly it was to late for this hero, he lost to much blood and there was nothing more that you could do for him. Another hero had put a hand on your shoulder, letting you know that you did everything you could.
Hawks just stood there looking at you, thatâs when you finally picked your head up. Your eyes caught these gorgeous golden ones. Maybe you both stared at each other a little too long, until one of your colleagues called for you. âAngel! We are leaving.â He yelled too you. You shot him a small smile, then you were off. Even though that smile was small, seemed a little forced but it was breath taking. He would do anything to see that smile once more, be the reason why you smile. He was going to try and see you again, whatever it takes.
While you were on your way back to the agency you worked for, you couldnât get Hawks out of your mind. Have you ever seen eyes as golden as his? Or wings so bright that you could see them a mile away? Probably not. He just carried himself in a way that you had never seen before, he had a slim but muscular build. Damn he was pretty much perfect, no wonder so many fan girls swoon over him. It was a long day, you needed to wash up after that one.
Hawks decided to look into you more, he already heard your hero name. It shouldnât be that hard to find something on you. The only thing he found about you was that youâve been in the low teens on the hero chart since you were eighteen. However you spend a lot of time working at hospitals while still working for fatgums agency. Other than that, there isnât much about you. He couldnât even find your actual name, where you went to school, or anything about you until you turned eighteen. It was like you didnât exist, like you just came out of nowhere. This just made him more interested in you, he wanted to find out more.
You were just going through the motions of the day, going on patrol then getting called off to the hospital to help the hurt. Once you arrived at the hospital, you were taken up to a room immediately. A big pro hero had been hurt, they needed you. Once you got into the room, you were met with those beautiful golden eyes. Hawks was sitting on the table, he looked pretty beat up. His right wing was drooping, plus there was horrible cuts on his right arm. You told everyone to leave, closing the door behind them.
You looked over him, he was smiling. Like it didnât matter he had been hurt, his spirits were super high. You walked over looking at his arm, then his wing. âSo what happened.â You asked him. He shrugged a bit, rubbing the back of his neck. âGot thrown through a window, pretty hard too.â He said back. You nodded at him, reaching out to lift his wing but then stopped. âCan I?â You questioned. Which he nodded back. You slowly rubbed your hand along his wing, bringing it up slightly. When you looked at him, he just seemed content. âCan you move it?â You asked and he shook his head no. âCan you feel it?â You asked. Which he nodded yes. âI can, just hurts like hell.â He said back.
âItâs more than likely broken, but donât worry.â You said then you sat down. You placed both hands onto his wing now, they started to glow green. Your eyes changed as well, you were staring straight as you healed him. Hawks felt this warm sensation run through his body, it was like being completely covered in a light sun. Just enough to make you warm but not enough to burn you. It was the most peaceful thing he ever felt. Quickly his wing started to twitch, moving back into place. You moved down to his arm, softly rubbing your hands over it until the cuts were gone. The process only took about twenty minutes, but Hawks had never felt so good in his life. He had so much energy after you were done, but when he looked at you, you seemed so drained.
There were some bags under your eyes now, looked a little more pale. You were leaning back in your chair, almost breathless. âAre you ok?â He questioned. You nodded, giving him a soft smile. âYea, sometimes when injuries are bad it takes me a second to feel better.â You admitted too him. He kind of just kept looking at you, a little confused look. You laughed softly. âMy quirk is different than most healing quirks. Your pain transfers too me, I pretty much swap energies with the person I heal. So while I take away your pain, I feel it. While also healing any injuries, sometimes I just need a second to bounce back.â You said then some of the life was coming back into your eyes.
Hawks couldnât believe what he was hearing, you put yourself through so much just to help people. âDoes it hurt bad?â He questioned. You shrugged, not really knowing what to say. âSome more than others.â You answered honestly. Which was true sometimes you felt nothing at all, but others could really put you down for the count. You stood up once more, looking over his wing then back to his arm. âYouâre all set here, please try to be more careful.â You said to him, a soft smirk spreading across your lips. There it was, that smile Hawks has been thinking about for weeks. You finally brought it out, it could fucking melt his heart if he looked at it for too long.
He stood, walking towards you. âThank you for healing me. By the way, Iâm Hawks. Sorry I didnât properly introduce myself the other day.â He said while holding his hand out too you. You gladly took it, your hand seemed to get swallowed up in his. âNo problem, names Angel.â You said back too him. Just keeping it the hero name, interesting. Hawks thought too himself. âAhw, come on kid. Whatâs your real name?â He asked, putting on as much charm as he could. You were hesitant, almost like you were lost as to what to say to that. âItâs just Angel, love.â You said back at him, you smile fading away slightly.
âDamn, I pushed her a little to much.â Hawks thought too himself. He needed to recover quick, he didnât want to see you without that smile. âReal names are overrated anyways, take it from me.â He said back with a big toothy grin. It made you perk up a little, more comfortable now. That smile returned to your face, a little brighter now. âGlad you think so, Hawks.â You said back. Hawks beamed at you, looking at your face. âLet me take you out to dinner, itâs the least I can do for putting you through so much.â Hawks offered. You pondered the idea slightly in your mind, then smiled. âSure, Iâd like that.â You said.
A few days later you were getting ready for your dinner with Hawks. He said he was going to bring you to this cute little barbecue place, nothing to fancy. You were very pleased with that, you never really cared for over the top âdatesâ. You were dressed in this cute floral crop top, paired along with high waisted leggings, and shoes to match. You pulled your hair up, letting it hang long behind you. You grabbed your tan leather jacket off the chair, putting your outfit together. Thatâs when you heard a tap at your balcony door.
You turned to see the bird man himself, right on time and waiting. You quickly went over to the door, opening it and waving him to come inside. This was the first time you had ever seen Hawks dressed down. He was in a v-neck t-shirt, dark jeans, and he had some jewelry on but not too much. He just seemed so comfortable, you were pretty excited to see him this way. He smiled at you, looking you up and down. âYou look amazing, ready for the date?â He questioned, which you nodded at him. Then he stepped out onto the balcony, you were confused but followed.
He opened his wings, stretching them out completely before holding a hand too you. âWe flying there?â You questioned him, taking his hand. He pulled you in close, wrapping his arms around your waist. âOf course, so hang tight dove.â He said back. You quickly wrapped your arms around his neck, and he took off into the sky. You werenât afraid of flying by any means, you just werenât extatic that you were miles above the ground with just a pair of arms holding you for safety. But as you flew, you could feel how secure his arms were around you. There was no way he would ever let you fall, it made you feel safe.
Hawks could feel your heartbeat going a mile a minute, he thought it was kind of cute. Then he felt you slightly loosen your grip around his neck. Looking down at you, he didnât see any fear in your eyes. You looked extremely joyful, like this was an amazing experience for you. That smile that could knock him dead was shining brighter than the sun. God, how he loved to see this look on your face. It made him hold onto you a little tighter, taking it all in for himself.
Once you arrived at the restaurant thatâs when the date really kicked off. You exchanged many hero stories, talked about work, and just everyday life. You applauded Hawks for being able to deal with so many fans, and he shot back with how he thinks your extraordinary for doing what you do. It was an amazing date, you never felt more comfortable with someone than you do with Hawks. âI have to ask, why do you just stick with your hero name?â He questioned. Ah, the dreaded question. The questioned you hated more than anything else in this world. You sort of sighed, leaning back to look over his face. âItâs just going to sound silly too you.â You said meekly back.
âNo, it wonât trust me.â He said back, serious he knows exactly what you mean. You looked over to the window, watching people walk by then back at him. âI forgot it.â You said softly back. If Hawks wasnât so keen in hearing, the average person wouldnât have heard you. You forgot your own name? Hm, thatâs interesting. Sure, sometimes he forgets his own name since he canât tell anyone it but he always remembers it. âYou forgot it?â He questioned back. You sighed, rubbing your arms. âI didnât grow up like most kids. I was practically put through military school but on crack. I had to completely strip myself of my own identity. My name was just lost in time, something forgotten.â You said back.
Holy shit, you went through exactly what he went through as a child. He just sat there dumbfounded at you, seeing that you werenât fucking joking about forgetting your own name. He wanted to know more, he wanted to see if he could get a little more information out of you. âHow did you end up at the place you did?â He questioned. You laughed, yes laughed at him when he asked. âMy parents were quirkless and poor. Somehow I ended being born with a quirk, a quirk that could heal. I could be useful for many different things, so they sold me off. Their only child, for a quick buck. I havenât seen them since I was five.â You said back at him.
He just couldnât believe what he was hearing, that here is this beautiful woman that practically had the same up bringing as he did. âIâm not just good at healing Hawks, that âprogramâ made me get my skill level high, but they also taught me how to fight. I was a good little fighter for them.â You beamed. âWas?â He questioned. You smiled, leaning forward to rest your head on your knuckles. âWell I shouldnât say was since I am technically still apart of it. My parents only sold me off until I was eighteen. So I got out, but I never went back to my parents. I actually ended up going back to the Commission only a few months after they released me. They gave me more of a home than any other place. Plus I really had no where else to go.â You said back.
The commission, so they got their hands on you when you were a child as well. Slippery fucking bitches. Then an idea came to Hawks mind, he leaned forward smiling at you. âWhat?â You questioned, to which he smiled harder. âI can find out your real name, Dove.â He said back. Your eyes went wide at him, shock written all over your face. âHow?â You questioned him, to which he just kept smiling. âEasy, Iâm the commission favorite pet. I can get the information quick and easy. No one would know a thing.â He said back. You were at a loss for words, this man would do something like that for you? Why though, you didnât give or do anything to have him be like this. âWhy would you want to do that for me?â You asked. Hawks now leaned back, looking over your whole face. âBecause I want to be the reason you have that beautiful smile on your face.â
His words struck you right in the heart, it was crazy what he made you feel. As the weeks pasted, you heard very little from Hawks. He would send you a text here and there, asking about your day but that was it. He said work picked up hard, he was staying late in the office. You had just gotten out of the shower, your hair still damp. You had on a crop tank top along with some booty shorts. Brushing through your hair, until a familiar tapping sound came from your balcony. You smiled to yourself before getting up to open the door. But what you were met with scared the shit out of you.
Hawks looked like he just got out of a prize fight, his face was swollen, hands bruised, and his wings were twitching causing him discomfort. It was pouring rain, so you pulled him inside quickly. âWhat happened?!â You asked him, there was so much concern laced into your voice. Hawks kind of just grunted, sitting on the chair in your room. He was tired, beat down, and maybe slightly concussed. âBad fight with a villain, itâs alright though.â He said in a huff, but you ignored it. You stepped behind him, putting your hands against his temples. You were glowing, trying to hear him.
Holy shit it was painful, one of the more painful things you had been through in a while. You moved down to his neck, then to his shoulders, just making sure you healed him correctly. Hawks sighed with relief, all the pain had gone away from him. Once he looked at you, he just saw this blank stare then you fell to the ground. You had passed out, Hawks was quick out of his chair. He was holding you, trying to shake you awake. Then he remembered that if the pain is too much it does take a lot out of you. He picked you up, placing you on your bed. Hawks waited for you, sitting on your bed looking over you. He wanted to make sure nothing happened while you slept.
You started to stir, slowly fluttering your eyes open. You looked around your room, it was completely dark now, only light on was from your vanity lap. Then you saw Hawks sitting on your bed, looking out the window. You just looked over him a bit, he was much better from when he did come into your room. Then it hits you, you fucking passed out. Damnit, how did you not keep it together in front of him. You must have scared the shit out of him too do that, no wonder he stuck around. You leaned to softly tug on his jacket sleeve, trying to get his attention.Â
Hawks was long in thought, just thinking about what you must go through everyday. All the pain you must feel, the feeling of death you come in front of everyday, and taking all that pain for someone else. You were amazing, that you would put strangers over yourself, you were completely selfless. Maybe he could learn something from you, be a better person by being around you. Hawks was taken out of his trance once he felt his sleeve get pulled on. He turned to meet those beautiful eyes of yours, a little tired than they were before you passed out. He smile softly at you, leaning over towards you. âThere she is, how are you feeling?â He questioned you, you could see a little bit of guilt in his eyes.
You smiled back at him, it was small and meek but it was there. It just made Hawks chest tighten, he loved that smile of yours. âI feel better now, you must have been hurt more than you said you were.â You said in a playful tone. Hawks rubbed the back of his head, looking away from you. âIâm sorry, when I saw how worried you were, I didnât want to make it worse.â He said softly. You shook your head, pulling on his arm. He turned to look back at you, softness in his face. âItâs fine, Hawks. Donât worry about it. I just donât understand how you ended up here. Why not go to the hospital.â You questioned him.Â
Hawks remembered why he decided to come to your place, he found your name. Your real name, and he wanted to surprise you with it. But then those stupid villain's had to get in his way, mess up his plans. âI was on my way here, I found out your name. But then I got...side tracked.â He said back. Your eyes widened a little, sitting up fully now. âYou really found it?â You asked. There was excitement in your voice, the way your face lit up just pushed Hawks heart over the edge. âYeah, itâs y/n. Itâs very beautiful.â He said back, you were over the moon. âY/N.â You repeated back at him. There was such joy in your eyes, it was amazing. You got out from the covers, moving over to throw your arms around Hawks neck, pulling him in for a hug.Â
Hawks was stiff for a moment, then he relaxed into your embrace. It wasnât just your quirk that can make someone feel a peaceful warmth all over their body, Just you, yourself could have that affect on Hawks. It made him feel so safe, pulling out of the hug to look over your face. You smiled brightly at him, pulling him in by his cheeks. You placed a kiss on his lips, it was quick but the feeling made Hawks melt. You broke it off and got out of bed, walking over to your closet. âWe should celebrate.â You said too him, turning to look at him over your shoulder. Hawks just sat there, blush creeping over his nose to his cheeks eyes never leaving you.Â
Thatâs when it hit you, you just kissed the number two pro hero. You eyes widened, then your hand shot over your mouth. You started to walk forward, then stopped. âI am so sorry! I just did that on impulse, I didnât mean to over step.â You said too him, fear laced in your voice. How could you just kiss someone randomly, you donât know if he is with someone or if he is even into you. Hawks quickly got up, walking straight up too you. He moved your hand from your mouth, then let his hands rest on your hips. He leaned in and placed his lips back onto yours. You slowly let your hands run up his chest then into the back of his hair. It was one of the most passionate kisses you have ever had in your life. No one was fighting for dominance, it was like you were working together. He pulled you so your bodies were right against each other. He broke the kiss off to whisper into your ear, his breath was warm against your skin. âDonât be sorry, Iâve been wanting to kiss you since the moment I met you.â He said
You were a little shocked, you didnât think that someone who wasnât as popular as him, get his attention. âReally? Iâm not that special Hawks.â You said back too him. He kind of laughed at you, he couldnât understand how you couldnât see how amazing you are. âY/n, you are so selfless, brave, and caring. You are so special.â He said back, rubbing your hips a little. You smiled back at him, wow is he beautiful too you. âSo being covered in blood, not saying a word too you made you want to kiss me?â You teased him. He laughed at you, pulling you in to hold you tighter. âThat beautiful smile is what really pulled me in. The situation you were in was grim but you still managed to smile back at me.â He said back. You just played with the back of his hair a bit, taking in every feature of his face. âYou can be such a simple man, Hawks.â You said back. He leaned in to kiss you on the cheek. âCall me Keigo, and lets go celebrate.â He said softly.
You smiled at him, walking over to grab something out your closet. You told him youâd be right back, walking into the bathroom. When you closed the door, it didnât shut all the way. It just left a small crack, enough for Keigo to see you. He saw you pull off your tank top, exposing your bare back too him. He noticed that you had a big scar on there, but he quickly looked away. He didnât want to already be called a perv for looking at you change. You came back out, taking Keigoâs hand into yours. He moved out onto the balcony, holding your hip tightly. âReady?â He asked you, which you nodded back. You were in the air, flying high as you went to go celebrate.Â
Everything was going great, you saw Hawks more offend. Went out dates, and checked up on each other daily. But one day you just disappeared, you didnât reply to his texted. He was getting worried, so he paid a visit to your place. Once he got there, his heart sank into his stomach. Your place was a reck, things throw everywhere, bed tossed against the wall, and your vanity mirror shattered. He looked around to find anything that could help him find out what had happened, he found your phone under some blankets. He saw all the unanswered messages from him and some friends of yours. What happened? You didnât just up and leave, something must have went down. He needed to find out, he had to find out.Â
He went to Fatgums agency, they must know what had happened too you. Once he got there, he talked with him. He found out that you had been sent out to spy on a hangout for the LOV. Sadly some of the villain's had followed you back to your house, you might be extremely skilled but trying to take on five people in such a cramped space isnât easy for most. You had been seriously hurt, you hadnât woken up in over a week at the hospital you were staying at. Keigo was quick to leave, heading over to the hospital. He was brought right up to your room, his heart just broke looking at you.Â
There were IVs, wires, and everything else you could think of coming from you. Part of your face was bandaged over, along with your arms. He walked over, taking your hand into his. While he spoke with the doctors, they just told him that he had to wait. It was up to you know to wake up, they did everything they could to keep you here. So thatâs what Keigo did, he waited. Only time he left was when he needed to be somewhere, he left all his patrols to one of his sidekicks.Â
It had been weeks, still you had not woken up yet. Your bandages had come off, exposing scars left from the attack. You had this new scar coming from from the top right of your forehead, cross your right eye, half way down your cheek. Keigo gripped your hand tightly, thinking about what he was going to do once he gets the people who did this too you. He just wanted you to wake up so he could be blessed with that beautiful smile of yours. âPlease come back, y/n. The world is such a brighter place when you are in it. I am a better person when you are here, just wake up.â Keigo said softly, then kissed your knuckles. Â
Everything hurts, your whole body is sore, and you have the worse headache of your life. You fluttered your eyes open, looking around the room. âHospital?â You questioned yourself. You turned your head to see that two doctors were speaking to each other, then once they saw your eyes open they were in shock. It had been almost three weeks since you were in your coma. They asked you all the questions, all the ones you usually ask the hurt. How do you feel? Do you know where you are? Do you remember who you are? What year is it? Which you answered them all, you knew what happened. They smiled, then said someone has been waiting for you to wake up.
A few hours passed, your eyes were shut since you were trying to rest them. You heard the door to your room open up, you opened your eyes slightly to see that beautiful winged man looking back at you. He nearly dropped to the ground when he saw you open your eyes. You smiled at him, which he quickly walked over to kiss you on the top of your head. âYouâre awake, holy shit youâre finally awake.â He said softly against your hair, holding the back of your head into his chest. You could feel him shaking a little bit, tightening your frame to hold you closer. âKeigo, itâs okay. Iâm awake, donât cry please.â You asked him.
âIf I had been there, if I wasnât so caught up with work. I could have protected you. I am so- â He started to say but you pulled out of his hold. You grabbed both of his cheek, making him look you in the eyes. âKeigo. No one would have known that would have happened. None of this is your fault at all. Get that out of your head. Iâm fine, Iâm here, and Iâm alive.â You said back. You kissed him softly on the lips and it seems like all his worries washed away with that kiss. âLive with me?â He questioned back after the kiss was done. You smiled at him, which he smiled back. âOk.â You said back.
It had been a few months since the attack happened, you were sitting on the bed waiting for Keigo to come home. Boredom taking over you while you waited, you picked yourself off the bed walking over to look through the closet. You found one of Keigos jackets hanging up in there, pulling it out to look at it. I smelt like him, it was so comforting. You were only in your bra and panties, you felt a little cold so you decided to slip it on. Laying back on the bed, looking at some videos on your phone until you fell asleep.
Keigo had come home about an hour later, he walked into your shared bedroom to find you laying on the bed. He looked over your frame, how his jacket was too big on you, it put a smile on his lips. Then you turned a little in your sleep, exposing your thighs a little. As you kept moving, the jacket get creeping up your exposed skin until it showed off your barely covered asscheeks. What a fucking sight Keigo thought, you just laying in his clothes. He walked over, rubbing your arm softly until you slowly woke up.
âWell little bird, donât you look good in my clothes.â He teased softly. You rubbed your eyes, sitting up on your elbow, the jacket slipping off your shoulder to expose your chest a bit. Before you had fully fallen asleep, you took of your bra to be a bit more comfortable. âI was a little cold, and this seemed so comfortable.â You said with a sleepy voice. Keigo smirk, looking over you. âNow your scent is going to be all over me the next time I wear that. I think you want to drive me crazy, huh little bird?â He questioned. You tilted your head slightly, a smirk coming to your lips. You slowly sat up, kneeling before him.
âMaybe I do. Do you not like it?â You questioned back with sass in your voice. He shrugged off his own jacket, letting it hit the floor. âI fucking love it.â He muttered before his lips were on yours. The kiss was heated, all teeth and tongue. He slowly pushed you onto your back, letting himself get ontop of you. He looked down as you kissed his neck, looking at how amazing your breasts looked while you were on your back. He nearly growled at the sight, leaning up to pull his shirt off. You leaned up, starting to take the jacket off but Keigo stopped you. âOh no, little bird. Keep that on, I like seeing you in my clothes.â He said before he started to trail kisses down your chest.
You bit your lip at the feeling of his tongue licking over one of your harden buds. Letting your fingers run through his hair. As he made his way down your chest and stomach, he pushed your panties to the side. Letting his face rest between your legs, then he slowly licked a broad stripe up your entrance. He moaned at your taste, while you threw your head back at the sensation. âSuch a pretty little pussy.â He moaned then let his tongue feverishly lap at your clit. You gripped his hair a little tighter, feeling the pleasure running through your body. He slowly pushed in two finger, pumping them quickly. It made your hips buck up into his tongue. âSomeoneâs impatient.â He teased at you.
âPlease Keigo, fuck me.â You moaned too him. Which he snickered at, leaning back to pull his pants along with his boxers off of himself. He pulled your panties off your hips, down your legs, until he threw them onto the ground. He dipped back down between your legs, spitting on your entrance before leaning back up. Letting his head tease you for a few seconds before slowly slipping himself into you. You leaned up to pull him down by his neck, letting his forehead rest against yours.
He started off slow but then picked up his pace, making sure you could feel his whole length deep inside of you. With each thrust, his head kissed your cerxics. It was making you see stars, your moans got louder with each pump of his cock. He pushed your legs up to your chest, causing you to let out a loud moan. You clamped down on his shaft, causing him to moan. He leaned down to give you a heated kiss. âGonna cum for me?â He questioned while his thrusts began to become sloppy. You nodded at him, gripping the back of his head tightly. He leans down to whisper into your ear. âSay it.â He says back.
You moan loudly, looking him straight in the eyes. âIâm gonna cum, Keigo!â You moan too him. He starts to thrust hard into you, putting everything he had into his motion. âYa. Fuck, cum on my cock.â He says then he released his load into you. You felt over the edge, clamping down on him tightly. As you both slowed, you just held each other there. Until Keigo lifted his head slight to look at you. You had this beaming smile on your face. That smile he fell for the moment he saw you, the smile thatâs kept him going, the smile from someone he truly loves. âI love you, y/n.â He said softly. You push a few sweaty hairs out of his face, pulling him down for a soft kiss. âI love you too.â You said softly.
#fanfic#mha fanfiction#smut#keigo smut#keigo x you#mha takami keigo#bnha takami keigo#keigo x reader#keigo#keigo takami gif#keigo takami#keigo takami fluff#keigo x y/n#hawks gif#hawks x female reader#hawks fluff#bnha hawks#hawks headcanons#hawks smut#hawks x y/n#hawks x reader#love#mha gifs#mha smut#keigo headcanons#takami smut
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pt. 1
*gif is not mine*Â Â
word count: 2,097Â
please forgive me if this is rough. i been outta the writing game for a minute. enjoy!Â
7:30 am.
The obnoxious ring of my alarm disturbs my peaceful sleep. I groan and move the blankets off my legs, stretching my arms to the ceiling. After my morning stretch I walk to my bathroom and turn the water to the hottest it can go before stripping my pajamas off. I quickly step in the shower, welcoming the warmth on my skin. I let out a sigh as I felt all the tension from my restless night glide down the drain. After a good 15 minutes I finally muster the strength to step out and wrap my towel around myself. I finally dry off and go to my closet to pick out an outfit for the day.
My eyes scan the closet before finally landing on a black pinstripe blazer dress with a zipper slit on the thigh, a thick belt around my waist with a chain in the front, and some knee high boots with black beret. After getting dressed I started on my hair and makeup. I went for a natural but full beat with my favorite pair of falsies and put my hair in a simple French braid down my back. I walked out to meet my roommate Carly.
âGood morning sleeping beautyâ I says, she acknowledges me with the wave of her hand and walks back to her room as I smile and start making my matcha latte
I boil some water and grab the oat milk from the fridge. After making my latte I settle on some Oreo cereal for breakfast. I glance up and see my roommate exiting her room, looking ready for the day.
âWhatcha got planned for the day?â Carly asks, I shrug and look at her casually
âI might have a meeting to discuss signing with Arista, and making my own albumâ I comment casually, watching her eyes widen with excitement
âAre you fucking kidding me right now? Is David hiding somewhere with his camera?â Carly replies, I shake my head and watch her eyes fill with excited tears
âBaby!!! We have to tell everyoneâ she exclaims, I shake my head and cross my arms in an X shape
âWe will tell them when I finish the meeting, I donât wanna jinx myselfâ I whine, she nods understandingly
âAlright I should get going, let me know where you guys are so we can meet up after. You can ONLY tell Erin. Iâll see you laterâ I say, grabbing my work bag and keys from the counter
After a nerve wracking drive to the office I finally arrived. I take a deep breath and walk into the building where an assistant meets me. We take the elevator to a conference room.
We finally finished the hour long meeting. I brought a friend, who happened to be a lawyer to look over my contract before signing it. I shook their hands and said we would let them know in a few hours. After our meeting my friend and I headed out to get some boba and take a look at the contract. I quietly drank my black milk tea and sent a few texts to my friends.
âLooks pretty good, initial here and here... ok and just put your signature hereâ She said, I nodded signing and initialing away
They called the label and let them know we had signed the contract. My friend went and dropped off the contract while I headed to Davidâs. When I opened the door I noticed almost everyone was here, except for Jeff and Scott. I took my shoes off and quietly headed into the house.
âSoo.. whatâs the verdict?â Carly asked, everyone looked to me in confusion
âSigned, and Iâll be starting my music journey with Arista todayâ I yell, my friends jump up in celebration and crowd around me
âWe celebrating tonight bitchesâ Zane exclaims, and at this point who cares that itâs a Monday morning and theyâll most likely forget tonight
âMake sure you guys invite Jeff, and weâll get Sage so drunk she can tell HIM how horny he makes herâ Carly says, prompting David to take out his camera again and makes Carly repeat it
âGod I tell Carly ONE time that I would get Jeff crush my head between his biceps and suddenly Iâm being crucified for being hornyâ I retort, earning loud laughs from everyone else
âTell David what you told me last night, after seeing Jeffâs insta postâ Carly commands with a wide smile, I sigh and look right at David so Iâm not looking straight into the camera lens
âAllegedly when I was a little litty last night, I was stalking his instagram and I saw the picture of him spraying water on himself in your merch⌠and allegedly I said that I would let him knock my cervix into my lungs and I would apologize for simply being too weak to handle itâ I whispered, but everyone heard me anyways and as if on cue the devil himself walked in through the front door
âJeff come listen to thisâ Jason says, showing the footage he recorded of me saying what I just said, I stood there in shock, Jeff quickly turned to me and smirked
âCome here babyâ Jeff says, throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me to a bedroom while our friends laughed
âFinally, Iâm getting the dick I deserveâ I yell, Jeff puts me down gently after we round the corner
âAlso Todd told me weâre celebrating for you, what happened?â He asks, I tell him the news and he lifts me up again
Jeff and I had been close from the minute we met, it really felt like I met my platonic soulmate to be completely honest. Weâre always jokingly flirting with each other for the vlogs and if Iâm not with the girls Iâm usually with Jeff. Although, lately heâs been too busy to hang out or workout together, on the contrary heâs always free for David and the rest of our friends but when I want to hang out one on one thereâs always something. It felt nice, just being the two of us. But alas, as soon as he finished the hug he waltzed right back to our other friends.
âYea Iâve been doing good, how about you?â I mumble to myself, walking back to our friends as we talk about what to do until the rest of our friends are free to go out for the night
Natalie, Zane, David, and I decided to go somewhere and film some stuff and have a little photoshoot while we were at it. We took some videos of us fucking around in the parking lot of some mall. Zane decided to provide some commentary for the vlog as Nat and I took pictures.
âLook at these whores, wonât take no fucking pictures with me. Iâm SAgE anD iâM a FaMoUS MuSICiAn, FuCK YALlâ Zane yells, I hand my phone to Nat and walk over to Davidâs Tesla, grabbing the small paintball gun in the trunk
âFuck with me again little bitchâ I said, walking up to him and shooting him two times in the leg with the paintball gun, he cussed me out on the floor while the three of us laughed our asses off
âAlright letâs get going so we can collect everyone before we go out... or we could have it at  Davidâs house so I donât have to worry about flashing my ass to random people?â I ask, making puppy eyes at  David as he reluctantly give in
âFine, but youâre helping clean up afterâ He says, I nod eagerly as the four of us pile into the Tesla
âIâll let Suzy and Jonah know, everyone else will probably be at the house anywaysâ Natalie says, quickly typing on her phone Â
We arrive at Davidâs house as the sun is setting and we start getting ready for everything. Toddy and Jeff go on an alcohol run, while the rest of us started setting everything up. Natalie and Zane go to get more solo cups and some extra things. Iâm helping David put away some valuable things while everyone makes the house presentable and work on making it Zane and Heath proof, which could be impossible.
âCan I be in control of the music king?â I ask, David rolls his eyes at the horrible nickname and nods I connect to the speaker while pouring shots for everyone with the alcohol we have at the house
After I was done pouring the shots the ones who went to run errands came back and we all huddled in the kitchen. I put the down the bottle and we all hold our glasses up.
âMay we all get absolutely plastered, and some of incredibly high. Maybe both? And may Zane stay away from the hospital for one fucking night, amenâ I yell, we all cheers and take shots
After smoking with some of our friends I go back in the house and find it absolutely packed with people. David is multitasking with taking disposables and filming an incredibly drunk Zane and Ilya. And above all the talking and yelling I hear the familiar beat.
âDo it, baby. Stick it, baby. Move it, baby. Lick it, baby...â
I scream and run to the make shift dance floor, my girls behind me as I start grinding on Corinna as she smacks my ass. Iâm screaming the words, someone hands me a drink and I slowly start to feel myself get loose. Everyone making a circle around Corinna, and myself. We switch and I fall on the couch while Corinna gives me a lap dance.
âPUSSY SO GOOD HE GOT MY NAME ON ITâ We scream, grabbing each other as  Zane somehow finds himself on my lap too
After the song I make my way to the bar with Zane and Heath, my favorite drinking buddies. After getting a lot more alcohol in me than my entire being can tolerate we go back and start dancing. I was swaying to the music, occasionally dancing with our friends when I feel someone grab me.
âWhat do you think youâre doing? Shaking your ass for everyone to seeâ the faint linger of that Staten Island accent makes me smile, but it quickly changes to a frown when my brain registers the words he said
âWhat do you think Jeffreyyy? Iâm-â âZane what the fuckâ I turn and see our friends huddled around the bathroom
âWatch out everyoneâ Natalie says, backing up and taking a running start towards the door and successfully kicks it down
âZane why didnât you say anything? We thought you were dead manâ Jeff laughs, I walk into the bathroom and laugh at the sight
After a few more hours the strangers have left the house and our friend group is still going strong. I quietly nurse my water that Jeff forced me to have. David taking some disposables of the rare quiet moment.
âZane.. I bet you wonât try and fight Jeff right nowâ I slur, my world still spinning from the poison in my body Â
âFor what?â Zane replies, I smirk and look at Jeff
âDude Iâll straight up kiss whoever winsâ I say, David immediately bringing his vlog camera out and quickly explaining the situation
âWait I wanna fucking get in on thisâ Ilya says, the three of them getting up... well Zane and Ilya could barely stand let alone fight Jeff, the most sober one here
The three of them start pushing each other, Iâm a little too drunk to really understand what was going on. Before I know it Jeff had them both on the ground and was declared the winner
âSageee... you gotta kiss Jeffâ David teases, shoving the camera in my face as I chuckle
âOh yâall know I wanna do more than kiss. Come here dumb bitchâ I say, turning around on the couch as Jeff stabilizes me and plants a kiss right on my lips as our friends scream and jump around. I pull away and David turns his camera off for the moment.
âCan I pleasee have more shots.. Zane, Ilya get your dumbasses up weâre getting more drunk so David has contentâ I yell, the two of them immediately getting off the floor and walking with me to the kitchen
âDavid, come here I have a secret to tell youâ I yell, stumbling over to meet him halfway
âCloser, closer..... Iâm so fucked upâ
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âđâ
Okay so i had this idea a few months ago, and only got to colouring a nice pic about it now so im finally gonna talk about my fanconcept of a magireco Sana Alt !!
First thing, I tried a different style, especially for the eyes, to give her a more whimsical but slightly creepy vibe- and also created her outfit design to be more "princessy" and vibrant to communicate her different personality from our beloved origional snaa.
°âââââ°
Through some sort of hijinx of an unknown magical girl/witch/circumstance with dimensional shifting powers, a Sana Futaba from an alternate universe where she made a different wish has been transported into the current dimension with our well known cast - subsequenstivly they learn about this new Sana and her differences from their own, and try to discover a way to possibly return her home.
She herself is much more of an oddball than our Sana, as her wish (noted to be Sana's origional wish before she backs out to a different one) gave her signifigantly different experiences and mindset.
°âââââ°
~Here are some notes about her~
Alternate Dimension SANA FUTABA
Sana Futaba from an alternate dimension where she makes her âoriginal wishâ-- to go to the magical cat village of Ms-Purrs-Alot.
This Sana differs from out âoriginalâ in a number of ways:
â˘Her magic manifests passively as âtalking magical animalsâ that only she and transformed magical girls can see and hear (she is implied to be delusional from her wishâs magic, for better or for worse)
â˘She has a few favoured cats who show up more than others; still they are all very sweet and friendly (much like storybook or cartoon characters)
â˘She is much more âfriendlyâ and optimistic, although still shy. She behaves slightly more confidently because of her animal friendsâ encouragement. Despite these encouraging growths, she tends to have a strongly 'off' like vibe to her. (I like to think shes simular to Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter mixed with Fluttershy and a sort of Alice in wonderland personality..?)
â˘She now has a more âcatâ theme to her magical outfit, as well as her sheilds taking more agressive bladelike appearances
â˘She can cause her magical âdelusionsâ to others but doesnât know it (for example: bringing them to her animal village, etc.) It is vague how she does this, weather she can actually bring them to a pocket dimension where the village exists, or makes them simply percieve it. One thing is that nobody can find their bodies while they are 'visiting'.
â˘After her wish, she unfortunatly had to deal with her family still, further creating inner turmoil despite now having escapism to cope- but eventually with encouragement from her new animal friends she ran away from their horrible behaviour. She now lives as if her cat friends take care of her as family. She refuses to refer to herself as a Futaba anymore.
â˘Due to her having somewhat magically forced happiness, her internal trauma manifests itself violently in battle- sheâs developed a sort of split personality because of this. (Inspired by the many theories of her original personality concept)
â˘She actively avoids people and human interaction, much preferring the nice and happier animal friends
â˘She is super duper duper protective of her precious animals and will switch to her aggressive and violent side when they are made fun of or in danger. Her aggression is similar to Feliciaâs behavior around witches.
â˘In game she would be much more aggressive than sana, but still act rather tanky. She would go full out for taunts and do some good damage with counters, but subsequently be hit down much easier than OG Futaba. Also SHE WOULD ATTACK WITH CATS as well as her shields !!
°âââââ°
So yea thats what i have for now <3
I hope nothing comes across as insensitive, im just super interested in how this sort of wish could be interpreted, and thought itd be neat as a magically made and semi-physical mental illness. (It could also be seen as a real literal physical magical cats too if you so prefer btw, just with a super neurodivergant snaa- im open to any interpretation!)
Mostly this was created because I like many other magia record fans super wish for a Snaa Alt like all the main group has, and i thought of this interesting idea and it wouldnt let go! I personally love it and wish there could be dimensional shenanigans ingame, given itd fit right into the lore. Man i so wish i had the ability to write stories hhh
Please let me know your thoughts! And any possible add-ons! Also dont be afraid to ask for clearification cause im super bad at explaining things haha ^^'
âđâ
#sana futaba#pmmm magia record#magia record#magireco#snaa#alt sana#alternate universe sana#digital art#green#cats#kitty#oc#dorf's art#long post#rambles#ideas
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Flavie and Ayumi Live (26 mai 2020 on YouTube francetv slash)Â
Translation/Summary -
(I apologise in advance for the typos. i didnt really read this over tbh)
Interviewer: Where are you at the moment?
Flav: Iâm at home, in my room
Ayumi: Iâm at my country house in my room. [Her friend joined her there when deconfinement happen and now theyâre living their best life. Thereâs sun and everything is good]
Flav is chilling âla vida locaâ she says
Is it not too frustrating to live this 6th season in confinement and SKAM France has a reputation of having very involved fans and with the screenings?
A: Yes, its very frustrating but then again itâs something that I havenât really lived the projections with the fans so I dont know what it does. But just the feedback of social media is incredible. Its a good preview at what can happen in a live screening.
F: Yea I agree. It is frustrating but seeing everyone on social media is kind of reassuring and comforting and like Ayumi said, we dont know that [the screenings] so its not that frustrating.
what kind of reactions have you guys had on social media?
[flav and ayumi arguing who goes first. Its the cutest thing ever. Flav always wants ayumi to go first]
A: Just love and positivity. On my end is really incredible. I thank everyone. Itâs really just incredible.
F: Its so wonderful. At night, I really try to read all the dms on instagram and even if I cant respond to everyone, know that I read everything and I translate everything that isnât in French. If I Â were to reply to everyone, it would take a long time so thatâs not possible. I dont speak all the languages of the world so I copy and paste is translate to understand.
-video cuts out-
I: we were talking about fan reactions so letâs continue. Have you gotten any that made you surprised, laugh, smile, made you emotional, etc?
A: what is beautiful is that ive gotten many messages from girls and boys who said that they had similar a similar relationship to Lola and Maya in the sense that one helps the other more because of addiction problems. And thatâs always nice to hear that they just wanted to thank skam for writing and portraying this kind of story. And of course the reaction of la mif. Itâs true the character Jo has been loved by fans. She is so funny and so great and sheâs [actress who plays jo, louise] really like that in real life. Like literally from A to Z
Flav agrees.
A: âLouise just played Louiseâ and itâs just so funny. And everyone online says they want to be friends with jo becuase she made this joke pr did that but sheâs really like that.
F: sheâs always joking
A: and she just comes up with stuff on the spot
I: we really just canât wait to see La Mif reunite and see how they are in real life because they are just awesome on screen.
Flav and ayumi agree
I: Mayaâs arrival to the season that was a little intense, letâs not lie, is like a ray of light. What does that do to you for having that role of the character who brings light and wonder? (This is kinda hard to translate)
A: its incredible to bring that kind of message, like you said, this light. She is totally this kind of girl that I would love to be friend with. Itâs hard to explain. Itâs just so beautiful. Maybe flav has something to say.
F: itâs true that you and La Mif brought a light for everyone. Even me when I see my family and close ones they say that they are so funny and new and that they felt my pain [as lola] even if its a show and its feels weird to see you like that because youâre close to us but seeing them [lola + la mif] is a good mix. And ayumi you bring so much like when your face lights up when Lola comes up the stairs its incredible.
A: its a chemical reaction. Its incredible. But flav I saw you on screen and everything that you brought, what David saw. And we lived it but for us it seems natural and on screen and rediscovered the characters and the chemistry at the same time as everyone else.
Flav and Ayumi saying that they havent seen the whole thing before hand and are constantly check their phone for new clips. They have the notifications for the YouTube channel.
F: we at least have the hours for the clips AT LEASTT and thankfully
A: which flav sent me because I didnt have them and she left me panicked for 2 weeks and then she finally sent them over.
F: its great. Theyâre on my fridge and I cross off each day with my parents and we are one it. My dad everyday is like thereâs a clip. So funny.
I: Just so weâre on the same page, thereâs a clip today right?
I: [fan question] what do you love the most and the least in the character you play?
A: flav please start
F: I love her âwho the fuck are you talking to me like thatâ and her fuck you attitude. I love that she shows off that nothing moves her but deep down not really, like everyone I guess. I love that about her and sheâs so natural. I love her, I really love her. Something negative. Thatâs hard.
I: you are a very happy, bubbly person. Is there not her depressed, dark side that bothers you?
F: well lola is just full of emotions where weâre going to see everything. But really what I dont like is her fashion sense.
A: im dead. But I was going to say the same thing
F: mayaâs fashion sense? You are crazy. And also girl itâs your clothes they used as costumes
A: no no but people have made edits with you know the big pink coat or my outfit at the supermarket and its there that I realised how ridiculous even if they not really.
F: well I think theyre great. Love the pink coat
A: ill send it to you with fedex. I dont have it but ill send it to you.
F: when we were doing costume fittings I told the costume designer that it was simple and that I would be stealing all of these looks. Im going to take a suitcase, im going to take ayumiâs clothes, put them in my suitcase and go back to Vance with them. And I took nothing from lola by the way. She just doesnât have a style. She doesnât neglect herself but its her I dont care attitude, again.
A; I love mayaâs engagement and her will towards everything and everyone. Shes a teenager but thatâs beautiful to be engaged in many causes. She just really wants everyone, her friends, to be well and happy. But otherwise things I dont like outside of her clothes I dont know. Clothes is like the best answer
F: you forgot about her makeup. The makeup artist did her eyeliner and dots under the eyes and I was there like do the same thing with me!
A: that is really the best thing in all of humanity. It was so cool.
F: honestly. The makeup artist gave everything on you but on me she went in the morning like poof poof âwell thatâs it honey, thereâs nothing else I can do for youâ
A: you forgot the drama hair!
F: oh my god. She would pour oils and everything you want on my head. âYou could like cook French friesâ
A: flavie says that but you know she can wear whatever she wants and still look good
F: awe I love you
I: Did the age difference between you hinder your ability to be friends?
A: no not at all. What do you think flav?
F: not at all. Im just the baby of the group, im the youngest but we all so dumb together that we donât realise
A: exactly. We all act like weâre 7
F: all of us together is horrible. The whole mif. Intolerable.
I: how was youre guyâs first meet?
F: ok let me tell you from my point of view because its quite funny.
A: she was so annoying. She looked at me all weird. she was not cool No thatâs not true at all. She was adorable. Trop cute
F: I arrive to the production offices and im with David signing contracts and he says donât move I have a surprise. And im like oh no what has he brought me a croissant or something and he brings back ayumi. So we start talking for like 10 minutes and I did not who she was actually. And I was like who tf is this. I did not know. And im one point im like so sheâs the one who plays Maya? It was so funny. It was cool. And then he brought Maxence
A: from my point of view, flavie was so shy and locked off. And I knew who she was and I was honoured and thrill. She was so small and closed off. But honestly NOT AT ALL. i quickly understood the next day that flavie is a bomb! You understand ?
F: at first maybe you were like âI just want to protect this little thing.â
I: so what was the first scene that you guys filmed together?
Ayumi makes it clear that itâs a scene that hasnât been released yet. And Flavie canât remember what it is.
A: flav, you are putting our whole relationship in question!
F: I just dont know!
A: ok but the second scene we did together was the scene of Saturday morning after the first urban party
F: OHHH you right! I remember now!
I: but thatâs a great scene that fans loved because of the chemistry and people loved it. How did you create that complexity? Was it the writing or did you try to meet up on your own?
F: honestly, not that much because the problem is that I live in Vance. We really tried to see each other but trains made it difficult to see each other just us two, but it still worked somehow. We worked a lot with David but not so much just us too and yet we still manage to create something really strong and powerful.
A: in between scenes we also just talked all the freaking time. And by the time David said action, it was like we just finishing our conversation in the scene.
F: every morning we were always happy to see each other and we didnât see each other that much but that honestly wasnât a problem at all.
I: in the YouTube comments, everyone is slightly making fun of flavie for living so âfarâ
A: [also starts making fun of flavie] oh yea yea basically 45 minutes.
F: BY TRAIN! By car its like 2 hours and a half, so sorry.
A: you donât even have a driver license! So you have to take the train!
F: alright I almost have my drivers license! Soon supposedly! And donât worry ill come pick you up in my ride!
Ayumi makes more fun of Flavie for her hours of driving and her basically driving illegally (in France you can only drive at 18 and flav is 17)
I: what was the most difficult scene to film for you?
F: well im not gonna answer. I canât answer
A: honestly I dont have any. Oh wait yes yes yes! I just remembered. Flav you do know! Itâs the scene where I tell you that ive missed you.
F: oh right! You were sick right!
A: yea I had shrimp for lunch. Bad shrimp and in the scene im in process of dying. I have never been in more pain and discomfort.
F: and I was like why is she angry at me? What did I do?
A: and flav is like are you okay and thank god you were there flav because she was telling me breathe and take it slow. It was the difficult
F: for me the most difficult that weâve seen is was hard because of weather conditions. It was so cold on the whole set but it was the one where we were around the fire and jo sees eliott for the first time, the first urbex party. We were getting fire embers in our eyes so we were all crying and complaining. It was awful. Louise was actually crying so so hard.
A: it was so funny. Louise was actually crying and was joking at the same time whilst crying. We were laughing so hard.
The say that night was still a lot of fun and then they all went to Quentinâs apartment [actor who plays sekou] and the ambiance on set is better than on screen. It was a lot of fun
A: la mif always has a great time, messing around
F: David would say âFOCUS FOCUSâ
I: it was mid November, and we all know skam france shooting is very intense and fast. So David was like a police officers. We cant wait to see the behind the scenes. David in the comments says thank you to all the extras who were there until 4am
F: Â oh yea honestly. Thank youâ just thank you
A: oh yea flav thanks for that. Its great.
I: we know thereâs a clip today with a reunion. And fans are expecting a kiss. Are we getting that moment today?
(Silence)
A: listen if there is a kiss, it will happen at a perfect moment
I: there is a lot of pressure on this kiss becuase there are so many people from the LGBTQ+ community who are saying that this kind of relationship is rarely seen on screen. Do you feel the need to do good?
F: its so well written and directed that we do want to do really well. Ok your turn
A: the want to do good, of crows but its already something we want to do. We are not forcing ourselves, because its already there.
They say that its sad for the time being that they have to continue to fight for rights in the LGBTQ community and Ayumi says that with SKAM its all going to change. They always get lovely messages thanking them.
They talk about the ship name and how fans have decided that is going to be Mayla. Ayumi is happy that its Mayla. Flav wanted Loyla. Ayumi says it was their first âfightâ and they werenât agreeing. Even la mif voted on the ship. It was heavily debated.
I: Are we right to have so much faith in Mayla or are you going to break our hearts?
F: for that youâll have to keep watching
A: well said flav
F: lâamour gange toujours
I: what is next for you two?
F: not much. Im seeing friends at a distant. Stay safe. I was starting to miss my social life. Not going out too much because I really dont want to get âthis vicious/awful thingâ so yea âla vida locaâ
F: project wise everything is on pause but im on a good path. Crossing my fingers. If it happens it happens. Its destiny
A: its destiny. Same thing. There was a movie that stopped before quarantine and wonât start again but there are castings. Until filming starts again, we are all waiting.
I: itâs funny, everything something is said, it gets translated in the comments in five or six languages. Have you taken something from your character and have you left them something?
A: her joy to live at everything. And give her my body to just exist
F: what I took, well nothing. I gave her 7kg more. Well actually I took from her 7kg. Thatâs it!
I: who forgets their lines the most?
F: ME! But you too kinda. You just talk SOOO fast you start to stutter
A: I talk too fast and then I stutter and it was so cold that that doesnât help. So in front of flavie, she really made fun of me.
F: I didnt always forget but sometimes when its really long I forgot.
#Flavie Delangle#ayumi roux#skam france#sarah speaks french*#this took a lot longer than i thought#long post#its so long yall#im sorry
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Through It All
Part 27
Summary: Now married, Spencer & Y/N navigate the D/s lifestyle. How will their relationship change?
Words: 1,923
Warnings: Anxiety.
A/N: No smut, just fluff!
The birth parents, Ai Campbell and Kyle Richardson, could meet you and Spencer and decide that they didnât like you as much as they thought, so instead of telling your parents or Diana about the possible new babies, BABIES, you just ask your parents to babysit Charlotte while you have a date day.
Once Charlieâs out the door with your parents you start to get shaky, your legs barely able to hold up your weight. Spencer wraps you in his arms. âIn through your nose and out through your mouth. We can do this.â
âWhat if they donât like us?â You ask as loudly as your voice can muster. You feel so small, so scared. Your hopes are already up.
Spencer takes a deep breath, clearly a little on edge himself and chuckles. âWell, one, theyâd be wrong. Weâre amazing. And two, like you said before, itâs either meant to be or itâs not, but weâll get through it.â
âI want these babies, Spence.â
Reaching into your bag, he pulls out your hairbrush. âWe have a few minutes before we have to go. Turn around and close your eyes.â
His instructions pull you away from your thoughts for a moment so you turn around and do as he says, smiling softly when he pulls the brush through your hair. âThis always relaxes you.â
âIt does.â Nothing puts you at ease more than having your hair brushed.
Minutes flow into hours, at least your body believes it. When youâre finally peaceful, Spencer taps three times on your shoulder and whispers that itâs time to go. As his hand slips into yours, you swallow back your fear and hope for the best.
---
Cradle of Hope practically crackles with electricity. The moment is now. On the way over, Minnie called to let you know that Ai and Kyle were there a little early and excited to meet you both.
Spencer parks the car and comes to your side to open the door, taking your hands in his. âBreathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.â He repeats himself two more times before asking if youâre ready to do this.
You breathe calmly. âLetâs go.â
Inside, Minnie ushers you in and preps you both that way Spencer had prepped you. She just tells you to be yourselves. âBecause if they fall in love with who you are, the people right in front of them, youâll probably get chosen. Itâs when people are closed off that these kinds of meetings donât go well.
After a quick introduction via Minnie, she leaves the four of you alone. Ai is barely showing, but she has her hand on her stomach anyway, clearly protective. Just as you are, sheâs a little nervous, but Kyle and Spencer take the lead and introduce themselves. âHow are you?â Spencer asks. âAi, how are you feeling?â
âA little morning sickness,â she replies. âBut nothing too horrible just yet.â Sitting down on the couch, she cuddles into Kyle, clearly theyâre on the same page about this and they love each other. In terms of birth parents, if they choose you, you couldnât be luckier. âMinnie just said that we should get to know each other. Weâve read your file, but maybe you could tell us a little bit about your lives.â
Spencer gives your hand a squeeze. Your nervous energy is now his, so you tell Ai and Kyle all about how you met at a bar and fell hard and fast for Spencer. He smiles at your words and pulls you close. âWeâve been married for a couple years now and have a beautiful little girl named Charlotte Magnolia. We call her Charlie for the most part. Occasionally Maggie and Spencer calls her little flower.â
âShe is,â Spencer continues. âI used to work for the FBIâs Behavioral Analysis Unit as a profiler. After nearly 20 years with the Bureau, I decided to start teaching and consulting on occasion so I could be home with Y/N. Best decision I ever made after asking her out and asking her to marry me.â
âStop, you guys are so cute,â Ai laughs. âOkay, so Kyle and I are really intent on these babies being adopted together. We want them to be wanted by whoever adopts them. Not just theyâll take two because they donât want to lose the opportunity for one, if you know what I mean?â
âI do,â you reply. âI would be lying if I said that taking on two babies at once didnât scare the ever-living shit out of me-â
âMe too.â Spencer nods vigorously.
Laughing, you continue. âBut we want them both. Having them will complete the family weâve always wanted.â
Kyle leans forward and opens his mouth, hesitant at first. âCan I ask why you want to adopt when you do have a biological child? Do you think youâll feel any differently about her as opposed to them.â
Spencer responds immediately, ensuring them that children are children and if they choose you, those babies will be your children in all ways but one.
âAs for why adoption, Iâve always wanted to adopt. And although I love the result of my pregnancy, the pregnancy itself was taxing on my body and to be truthful itâs not something I want to put my body through again.â
âWith all this morning sickness, I feel you.â Ai takes a sip of water and pulls Kyle back into the couch so she can lean on him. Nearly an hour passes as you trade stories. Almost nothing about the adoption itself, just random stories that allow you to get a feel for who everyone is as people. âDo you have any questions for us?â
Spencer wrings his hands together and leans up, having slouched into the couch over the course of the last hour. âWe do. Umm, what made you pick us to meet out of all the files you read?â
âWe both like the fact that you already have a baby.â Ai rubs her stomach, a somewhat sad smile crawling across her lips. âI guess it gives us the assurance that youâd be good parents, because you already are. We also liked your FBI background, Spencer. We feel like theyâd be safe, which is all we want. Safe and happy and-â
Without meaning to, Kyle cuts her off. âSorry, babe. We really liked the way you spoke about each other. Kind of reminded us of us. Weâve been together since high school. And although we would like these babies, we donât feel as if we can give them the life they deserve while still working to cement our own lives.â The last few words catch in his throat and Ai begins to hold back tears.
âHow involved would you want to be post-adoption?â You ask shakily. You feel for them. Though you want these babies, you feel awful that they do too and just arenât in a place to provide for them. âDo you want updates?â
âWeâd definitely love updates,â Kyle says, squeezing Aiâs hand. âAs often as you would be comfortable. Possibly visits, again if that would be okay with you. But those donât have to be as often. Probably couldnât be, especially while in college. Is that something youâd both be okay with?â
Nodding, you reach across the table separating the two couches and wrap your arms around Aiâs neck. Sheâs full on crying now. You donât know what else to say, so you tell her itâs going to be okay and no matter what happens things are going to work out. âWe definitely want them to know that theyâre lucky enough to have four parents that love them.â
Kyle pulls Ai in for a hug and soon enough youâre all at least a little bit teary eyed. There seem to be a few whispers between them before he responds. âAi, yea?â
She nods.
âWe choose you. We want you guys.â
Your quiet stream of tears becomes a raging waterfall. âThank you,â You cry. âWe promise theyâll never doubt how much theyâre loved.â
---
Once it truly settles in that youâve been chosen the panic starts to settle in. Less than a year from now, your little family of three will become a family of five. Two newborns at once? Twice as many bills? Three children under the age of three? Itâs both exciting and vomit-inducing. Obviously, itâs what you and Spencer both want, but you will have to go through that period of uncertainty again, where you question every decision you make as a parent and a human being.
For nearly a month, you and Spencer busy yourselves with reconfiguring the apartment to accommodate two babies. Thereâs a small office across the apartment where you move Charlotte, so that her old bedroom, the larger room, can hold two cribs. In the midst of trying to put everything together you have a little bit of a breakdown about how cluttered everything feels, which leads to you and Spencer discussing the possibility of a move into the suburbs once the babies are ready to transfer into big kid beds.
So much is happening at once and despite wanting to take your time with each other, quickies in the morning become the norm. Eventually, youâll both settle into the building anticipation and get back to your preferred sexual routines, but neither of you can focus at the moment and with all the preparations and nervousness youâre too tired to do anything but snuggle.
âShould we tell Charlie about the babies?â You ask, basking in the afterglow for a brief moment before pushing yourself up. âI mean I know Ai and Kyle could still back out, but I have a good feeling.â
âAnd we donât want to leave her blindsided anway,â Spencer says, pulling on his flannel pajama pants. âHow about over breakfast?â
In agreement, you grab Charlie from her room and let her pick an outfit before bringing her out to the table, where Spencer already has some eggs ready for her. âCharlie, Mommy and Daddy have something special to tell you,â Spencer starts, his voice constricting. Somehow, through all the unsubs he talked down and all the times you and he have done everything under the sun, he finds himself at a loss for words in front of your barely two year old.
Crouching down, you meet her at her level and hold her little hand. âThereâs a mommy out there, kind of like me, who has two babies in her belly. But she canât take care of them, so she asked Daddy and I to take care of them. Youâre going to be a big sister.â
Try reading a 21-month-old. Itâs hard. Even Spencer looks baffled, though it looks like the gears in Charlieâs sweet little head are turning. âBabies?â She asks pointing to your stomach.
âNot my belly, baby. Theyâre in another ladyâs belly and she needs help so the babies are going to come here and be your little brothers or sisters.â
A small smile forms on her face. âI help?â
âYou can absolutely help with the babies!â You say excitedly, thankful that her reaction wasnât worse or even non-existent. âYouâre going to be a great big sister.â
Without a word, she jumps off her seat at the table and runs into her room only to come out moments later with a baby doll in hand. âI help.â
Bending down, you kiss the top of her head and pick her up, sandwiching her between yourself and Spencer. âBest big sister ever,â he whispers.
@heycasbutt @ultrarebelheart @katherineisagubler @proud-slytherin-ghost @randomwriter23 @fandom-queen67 @sixx-sic-sixx @xqueenofthecraziesx @aofay02 @groovyreid @criesinreid @jdougl-love @xreider @cringeemospntrashassbutt @prettyboyeffect @prettyboyreid @themanip @spencerreidsthings @augustgraceful @whollytaciturn @prisonreid @factualfic @jasmine-negron @snitchthewitch @ellabobella051419 @crazyforsstuff @kaatelyyynnâ @jane-dough @dreatine @bitter-post-millennial @adlerorzel-blog @hallieedrew @psychedelephantt @krisymccall996 @4ueijos @mclaujac @ray-likes-starwars @nurseemilyblog @slightlyvicked @she4567 @guesswhosback129 @princessdolan @happycreatorfangirl @fallwhisper @nyemadowell @sammy-jo1977 @sin-bin-and-tragedies @imsuperawkward @ahhahahaheehee @crispygiantsaladgarden @reputay-swift @pizzarollsfordayz @andiebeaword @timey-wimey-lovi @garbagecanfics @friedparadisetale @dereksbetaa @idontevenknow2 @holyfishloverfarm @nohemi2500 @typeshitbih @sadgirlhan @kmc217 @bigbuttsowhatuniverse @charmedfandomgal @im--blushing @dangerouspersonllamabagel @fichoe21 @yes-sir-hotchner @thefandomallrounder @mrsenos08 @walkerchick007 @letsdisneythings @winchesterqueenie @specialagentleigh @spn-wheresthepie @haileymew @bitchyoulied @geniusgub @urdicksmol @6lack6erry @slutlanna976 @downondilaudidâ @baileysb1tch @la-vie-en-amour1â @letsdoit-tomorrow @eideticprettyboydrreidâ @lazynoodledragonâ @shybaby231 @aimzonicles97â @grace-superpowersâ @softestlavenderâ @ssa-dr-ladylockâ @drprettyboyâ @patricks-fabulous-faceâ @tearosariaâ @shxdowofdarknessâ @marvels-gurlâ @gublergirlsâ
#through it all#the most natural thing in the world#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid smut#spencer reid fluff#dontshootmespence
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Parent!Paranoia Sanders Sides AU!
No explanation, but I'll probably give the backstory later. For now: memes of Paranoia being an A-class parent and a chaos gremlin. (okay it started as memes but then just ended up as fleshing the AU out)
~~
Paranoia, worried abt his kids: I'm uhhhh gonna go to my room see ya later light sides
Paranoia, sneaking back into the subconscious to check on his now teenaged children: I'm gonna leave duke a r a t that I found and thought looked cool
Duke, waking up the next morning and yelling for 'Nesty bc "HOLY CRAP NESTY LOOK AT THIS RAT ISN'T SHE ADORABLE I WANNA HANG HER ON THE WALL": !!!!!!!!!!
~~
Paranoia gets a habit of sitting on the fridge because his children were wild as kids and sometimes duke comin at you with a knife warrants jumping onto counters
~~
Nesty, who doesnt get paid to deal with duke: I'm raiding dads liquor cabinet it's my due for putting up with this
Paranoia, physically manifesting: put the key to the liquor cabinet D O W N, Honesty
~~
The lights are confused as to why he disappears at random times of the day and night and he just "leave me TF alone before I leave you a goshdarn diddly P R E S E N T while youre sleeping I'm tired"
~~
patton: my child! my dark strange son!!
paranoia, who has children: ,,,,yea ok
~~
Patton ticks him off so he leaves a big halloween decor spider on his bed and nobody sleeps for weeks after that bc pattons too scared to touch it and paranoia maybeperhaps glued it onto his cover
~~
He's like one of those people you know might mean well but ooooooo boy theyre pushin buttons
~~
Paranoia, whos fav animal/insect is spiders and whose children have tarantulas and snakes on the regular: hes not even realistic!! You need to learn to get along with mr sparkles patton!! look at him. he's fluffy!
~~
He has googly eyes and glitter on him at all times of course hes named mr sparkles
~~
paranoia gets to be a little petty. as a treat
~~
Paranoia just carries bags of glitter around and whenever mr sparkles gets duller he takes mr sparkles to the kitchen counter and he dumps glitter on him
Logan and patton are tired of cleaning up bc paranoias just petty enough to make their counters eternally sparkly
~~
"why is there glitter all over the kitchen?"
paranoia, holding mr sparkles: :)
~~
Paranoia, after AA: I hate purple but they dont know that now do they
Paranoia is actually orange the last side is purple lol
~~
Chaos Gremlin dark sides and nobody is surprised bc paranoia raised them
~~
paranoia, going back to see his teen children after acting like a teen all day: what is up, fellow kids
honesty: i am going to lose it
~~
Wrath, coming to yell at them to keep it down: why are you purple I'm purple
Paranoia, cackling bc finally I can get out of this horrible color: *snaps fingers * I'M PARANOIA MOTHERTRUCKERS HAVE FUUUNNNNN I'M GONNA BE MAKING YOUR LIVES LIVING HELL FROM THIS POINT FORWARDS
~~
duke and nesty, pumped for halloween bc u l t i m a t e s p o o k: :D
paranoia, coming out in a traffic cone costume with a shit eating grin on his face: :D
~~
Paranoia, decorating for halloween bc "oh I'm sorry it's just the *sniffles * homesickness and we a l w a y s decorated for halloween" knowing full well all of his decorations are spider and witch themed bc they all like the salem witch trials
~~
He leaves ONE fake snake in romans cereal and the lights just. Lose it. Hes kicked back into the subconscious to be chaotic with his kids, no new side, just the hours upon hours of film hes gotten from the bugs hed placed around the unconscious and a plan for the next several movie nights
He gets back and honesty is w h e e z i n g bc he was watching through the cracks and they make a fail compilation of the light sides
It takes like two months for the lights to just go insane with him around not due to yknow paranoia but bc hes such a gremlin
~~
Patton asks if he was raised by wolves and he shoves mr sparkles at patton saying "take the issue of how I was raised up with my father, a-hole!!"
He doesnt actually curse he just yells "A-HOLE" so loud his kids can hear
~~
They dont find out he's a dad until hes summoned and hes making cookies or smt with the kids and hes in a bright orange stereotypical witch outfit,,, corset and all and an apron that says "worlds most chaotic dad" on the front
And hes talking to one of the kids like "duke you can only put dish soap in your batch nesty cant digest it like you can"
~~
Patton has an apron that says worlds least chaotic 'dad' courtesy of paranoia he made it himself(read: he stole pattons good apron and scribbled over it in sharpie)
~~
Paranoia is always close to cackling when around the lights bc theyre newbs to any chaos
~~
Roman and remus are twins but roman is the kind of kid to promptly forget abt anyone and logan n patton knew remus less than a day before he "disappeared" aka ran to the subconscious to explore and theyve just kinda blocked him out
~~
Logans fine with it and actually likes the decorations tho he has asked if they had to be so brightly coloured and if there had to be so much glitter
I say decorations but hes a secret gremlin at heart and is super close to snickering at all times bc of the pranks
~~
Also yes paranoia mildly dads roman it's great but he dads in an older sibling type way
~~
So pat and logan are all "hes fitting in as an older brother well" and they tell him abt their approval of his older brother chaos and hes just like "no this is how I am deal with it nothing to do with brothers" bc hes not telling them abt his kids he doesnt trust them
~~
Hes up at like midnight complaining with logan abt how patton doesnt let him be full chaos gremlin and logan says "mmmhmm did your parents in the dark side let you go wild with the chaos" and paranoia just,,,,, looks at him, dead in the eyes, and says "I dont have parents"
Cue logan being confusion
Paranoia, who genuinely didn't have parents: my parents are mr sparkles and the cat we've had for my entire life
Logan, who doesnt know they had a cat and is now worried bc "are you taking care of it???": ???
Paranoia: it's great for keeping the Others in line tho I just say "do your chores or no snuggle time with ms peregrin" and they do their chores while I'm making dinner
logan, incredibly confused: i don't know what you mean but ok
Paranoia: yeah theyre dumb but it's the level of dumb youd expect from my idiots
~~
Or he slips up and refers to them as his children/kids and logan, not realizing they have an Actual Father/Sons relationship/age difference(paranoias abt.late 20s early 30s, remus defies all logic and has been about 9-10 for a few years now, and dees like early teens) just says "huh how.interesting would it be to have to deal with people your age that immature" and paranoias just. "Y e a h t h e y r e t o t a l l y t h e s a m e a g e a s I a m"
~~
Duke is very much baby and upon seeing duke eating glue paranoia and honesty the idiots decided to try it too
theyre so dumb dsdhdhdhjsdh
They AREEE and paranoia, after discovering that duke has the h a r d i e s t immune system they decide to test exactly what he can and cannot safely eat bc he may be dumb but hes also def a Dad and he just wants to take care of his kids and if that includes making sure that duke can safely consume toilet bleach then so be it
Duke can eat almost anything short of actual cyanide but cyanide just makes him sick like stomach bug sick
He somehow gets a fever,,,,, he has it for like half an hour and paranoia is amazed
Hes in bed,,,,, paranoia makes him soup,,,,,, hes all better and running around again
~~
Paranoias parenting rules:
Dont murder your brothers pls
Do your chores or no snuggle time with ms peregrin
Glitter is always a yes
Insults are fine just make sure you dont overstep and make your brothers insecure
all of them are printed and then the last one is scrawled at the bottom in
If you get sick, tell him immediately bc he will find out and he will be the most obsessive parent to make sure you feel better ASAP
If your pronouns/name/function change, tell him immediately, he'll make sure you dont feel uncomfortable as well as he can
Duke dont put dish soap in honestys baked goods you know he cant digest it
It's a nice system for making chaos but keeping it manageable
They're all printed then the last one's scrawled in glitter gel pen and duke wrote a reply that said (I'm sorry yall dont have as good an immune system as I do)
There was a whole passive aggressive arguement on the bulletin for the next week before it got taken down to make room for dukes art
They eventually started just putting them up over each other and using magnets instead of thumbtacks
The entire bottom portion of the walls are painted in chalkboard paint so theres no unerasable drawing on the walls and the rest of the paint is magnetic so they can hang pieces everywhere
Dukes improving rapidly tho and doesnt like looking at his old art all the time so paranoia holds onto the drawings in several filing cabinets in case he ever wants to do redraws or needs his original prints to make something in the Imagination
also bc,,, sentimental
jus a little
Yeah bc "yes my child draws nothing but blood gore and new animals but hes a creative genius and I love all of his art"
~~
Roman: anxiety I can see why you left
Paranoia: ??? What?? It's spoopy season??
Roman: there was BLOOD on the WALLS
Paranoia, internally: oh!!!! Duke perfected his blood recipe!!!!
Paranoia, externally: how did it taste?
Roman: WHO TASTES THE BLOOD ON THE WALLS?!?!
Paranoia: if it tasted like lemons or citrus you need to stay off of most foods, stick to crackers and broth- don't eat anything heavy until you're sure you wont throw it up
Patton, who was making cereal: ????
~~
Also!!!! @iliveinprocrasti-nation Thanks for helping me flesh this AU out!!!
#paranoia sanders#honesty sanders#the duke#roman sanders#logan sanders#patton sanders#as family#parent!paranoia#aka adventures of the strange dark son and his strange 'dark' sons#this started as memes then devolved to worldbuilding#sanders sides#deceit sanders#technically???#thats his code name#???#idk#remus sanders#hes there and hes baby#but he goes by the duke#honesty actually controls how much thomas tells the truth but shhhhhh we're trying to raise him as a gremlin#the lights don't actually know abt duke and honesty theyre just#all they know is that there are other s but they dont know who or what they are#paranoia wants to keep it that way#hes just super protective okay????#hes doing his best#but uhhhh yeah duke's baby hes like five#dark sides as family
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Rant while Iâm watching
This is all season 10 the end of 9 and the begninng of 11? I think. This is copied from a chat of mine so Iâm not gonna deal with the times. Please just read around them.
WAIT![7:54 PM]BITCH NO YOU CAN"T KILL CAS BITCH FUCKING NO[7:55 PM]OH SHIT[7:55 PM]OH SHIT[7:55 PM]Dean just made allllllll the mirrors frost[7:55 PM]that's nnot fucking good[7:59 PM]CAS WATCHED STAR WARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok Sam has stopped pretending he's not scared of shit. You can clearly see the fear in his eyes now. And frankly it amazing.[11:14 PM]That sounds horrible[11:16 PM]but I'm more saying that more about Jared's acting skills. ma dude.[11:20 PM]Sam[11:20 PM]Bro[11:21 PM]Dude[11:21 PM]nah[11:21 PM]nah Sam was complaining about Dean liking killing these vampires to much[11:24 PM]JODY IS A QUEEN AND SHE IS A GREAT MOM! TRY AND PROVE ME WRONG YOU WILL FAIL! IS that a monster club?!?!?!?!?!?![11:27 PM]Could you settle for JB's? Was that a were shapeshifter battle? My dude your as dead as your gf your gonna bleed out[11:29 PM]shush MONSTER TURF WARS[11:50 PM]MONSTER MOFIEA[11:50 PM]I CAN"T FUCKING SPELL[11:52 PM]"Godfather with fangs."[11:52 PM]uh yea[11:55 PM]FUCKING SWEEDY TOD! Dean I know your bf is in a comanding roll and you think that's hot but please stop hitting on him[12:15 AM]Dam Dean.[12:15 AM]The King is back in town the king is back in town.[12:15 AM]THE King is BACK in town[12:21 AM]To the King and Queen of hell:[12:21 AM]Are we in heaven?[12:22 AM]You must be angels[12:22 AM]wow[12:24 AM]Crowley sold his soul for a longer dick[12:24 AM]pfft-[12:24 AM]I-[12:25 AM]I can't-[12:25 AM]I-[12:25 AM]OMG DUDE WHAT THE FUCK![12:25 AM]HAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!![12:26 AM]his son is so disaponted[12:30 AM]Dam Crowley's son got flame[12:30 AM]holy shit  Dean I swear to god you go all Lord of the Rings on this motherfucking blade I will pull a Tony Stark and take it way.[12:52 AM]Is this the Cas is a little girl episode?[12:55 AM]or not I'm laughing at Metron's discribtion of Cas[12:59 AM]Dean shush[1:01 AM]Dean Cas are having a domistic[1:01 AM]and Sam's trying to medate[1:08 AM]We hate men like you[1:08 AM]He's your Leader's bf  who's a little off his rocker right now so shush[1:10 AM]Dean like the Fiddler on the roof[1:10 AM]It's canon[1:12 AM]Why is 6 afraid of 7?[1:12 AM]Cas: Prime number?????[1:12 AM]Sam: The fuck? that's like a 2nd grade riddle[1:13 AM]CAS KNOWS LOTRS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![1:15 AM]SENSEBLE SHOES![1:16 AM][1:20 AM]Heaven: Your lame spring fling Cas is dead[1:29 AM]Cas is sooooo[1:29 AM]Dead[1:30 AM]R I P[1:30 AM]Punish him[1:30 AM]Both Cas and Dean go WHAT?[1:31 AM]WHAT! OMG OMFG[1:32 AM]Pfft-[1:32 AM]Oop[1:32 AM]Rip Dean[1:34 AM]He's in love[1:34 AM]with "humanity"[1:35 AM]Thanos quoted Metatron God Fucking dam it Dean Dean will be glad to know that the Cubs finally win[2:12 AM]Fuck you died again Dean[2:14 AM]"you put on the flag of heaven..."[2:14 AM]Nah he put on the pan flag and then rekt y'all[2:17 AM]Dean's dead for what the 809th time?[2:17 AM]He'll be back[2:17 AM]Time will tell[2:18 AM]Sam he's fucking dead[2:18 AM]D E A D[2:18 AM]But he'll be back[2:19 AM]Chuck can't answer the phone right now[2:21 AM]ok ngl the blade doesn't really look real. It's looks like a prop[2:21 AM]Also[2:22 AM]WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK DEAN?![2:22 AM]HUH?[2:22 AM]YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD FUCKING IDEA?[2:22 AM]NO[2:22 AM]NOT A GOOD FUCKING IDEA[2:22 AM]DUMB[2:23 AM]Ok the way they played the opening of season 10 boi that was good[2:23 AM]OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo[2:23 AM]New title card[2:24 AM]Ok so I saw this somewhere but[2:25 AM]Soulless Sam, Crazy Cas, and Demon Dean, (why the fuck are all these allterations?) all at the same time would have been a riot[2:26 AM]Cas has a cold[2:27 AM]Did I just get a read suggestion for Spn x male instert, twice in a row?[2:27 AM]YES! YES I DID![2:33 AM]THe look of relisation[2:35 AM]Cas drives like a grandma[2:36 AM]He got hannah carsick[2:36 AM]and now is also dying so[2:39 AM]Sam's gonna murder Crowley and Dean[2:39 AM]Slowly[2:39 AM]and painfully[2:40 AM]If Sam exrosised Dean? What would happen?[2:40 AM]Would he just drop his body?[2:41 AM]Or would he just straight up die?[2:44 AM]How do they keep the knives up their sleeves without stabbing themselves[2:49 AM]Dean your a fucking slut yes Sam stays quiet.[1:15 PM]Gets punch[1:16 PM]grunts[1:16 PM]"Proof of life,"[1:17 PM]OMG[1:17 PM]OMG[1:18 PM]20 y/o Dean[1:18 PM]yo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![1:18 PM]He looks so young[1:22 PM]Ignore me just skipping all the like odd sexual sences because either they're weird or I'm very embarressed by them[1:26 PM]cas is about to fall asleep behind the wheel and crash[1:31 PM]Cas is asleep on the couch Words hurt[1:45 PM]YOU DON'T GET TO SAY SHIT Hahahahahahahaha[1:55 PM]Omg[1:56 PM]Smoke bombb[1:56 PM]Sam has an asmatha attack[1:56 PM]Dean just looks at him[1:56 PM]like WEAK[1:57 PM]This is payback[1:57 PM]THis is dumb[1:58 PM]YES![1:58 PM]THE PRINCESS BRIDE![1:59 PM]just heals[1:59 PM]Sam just shows up and mauls him with holy water[2:03 PM]Where the fuck did you bring him Sam[2:03 PM]What is this?[2:03 PM]HAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAW[2:05 PM]Garilla man gorilla man[2:09 PM]It's DEPRESSION DEAN but he's more homosidal You went to fa[2:37 PM]*You went to far[2:44 PM]The music is like the Skywalker theme[2:47 PM]Lets play a high stakes game of hide and seek in the bunker[2:52 PM]HERE'S DEAN![2:54 PM]You don't want to play hide and seek anymore?[2:55 PM]Heal by hug[2:55 PM]-Cas[2:56 PM]Lillo and Stich?[2:56 PM]No[2:56 PM]Ey! IT WORKED[2:56 PM]IT WORKED[2:56 PM]IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!![2:58 PM]Good plan Sam[3:01 PM]WEREWOLVES OF LONDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![3:01 PM]AHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO![3:01 PM]AHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO![3:05 PM]Bitcoin[3:06 PM]Obama[3:06 PM]the ice caps Did I just skip a whole episode to avoid the cringe fuck yea[4:10 PM]The two of them with cougers is the funniest thing Ask Jeeves?[4:21 PM]More like Knives out[4:25 PM]I'm lactose intolerant[4:25 PM]Sam nice[4:25 PM]nice[4:30 PM]These ladies.[4:30 PM]Complaining about dating this guy who's 'ugly' But has an island.(edited)[4:31 PM]but thristing over Sam.[4:31 PM]Who's like I live out of my car[4:31 PM]it's not even my car[4:32 PM]It's by brother's[4:37 PM]"Not to mention Homosexuals"[4:38 PM]Don't mind me just DYING![4:38 PM]omg[4:38 PM]THE FLANNEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![4:45 PM]Dean shush[4:45 PM]your fine she's dead[4:50 PM]The snap of someone's neck sounds like a torilla chip Cas what did you do to Jimmy?[5:14 PM]I'm sorry your kinda hot but I don't like you Hannah[5:15 PM]Hannah just dropped her vessel[5:15 PM]rip[5:22 PM]ok sometimes I feel like I care more about the car then they do Crowley's mum?[5:30 PM]Crowley's mum[5:32 PM]The RETREAT[5:32 PM]HOW MUCH I hAVE HEARD ABOUT YOU![5:37 PM]THE 2 QUEENS![5:38 PM]Jodie's got hunting sense ON[5:38 PM]THE BOIS NO![5:38 PM]They all are gonna know y'all and blow y'all's covers no[5:40 PM]Jodie's about to comit murder[5:41 PM]dang CAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![6:15 PM]YOUR VESSEL"S DAUGHTER"S IN TROUBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![6:16 PM]Claire's about to murder your ass[6:17 PM]Lucifer popped your head[6:17 PM]Cas your not making this any better[6:19 PM]Yes he owns a tie[6:19 PM]No he's not gonna wear it right[6:21 PM]Missionary[6:23 PM]Claire's a vibe[6:24 PM]I'm vibing with Claire[6:27 PM]Ketchups a fruit[6:29 PM]Cas she stole your wallet[6:30 PM]EARTH GRAPHIC[6:30 PM][6:32 PM]Yes[6:32 PM]No[6:32 PM]You had to roast Sam like that[6:32 PM]Dean and you would vibe with this girl[6:32 PM]JUST VIBE![6:33 PM]IT"S A FRUIT[6:33 PM]Ask Sam[6:33 PM]dean and claire are on the same wave lenth[6:33 PM]ask sam[6:35 PM]yes[6:37 PM]You're offended over you worth in pigs?[6:39 PM]Rowna thought he was worth anything from 180-300 $[6:39 PM]and Crowley thinks he was worth any were from 300-500$[6:45 PM]He's a teddy bear and you would get along with his bf[6:47 PM]All three have been there done that[6:51 PM]Really love?[6:51 PM]I feel like that would be a stretch for y'all Charlie's coming back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![7:53 PM]go get ketchup[7:53 PM]it's hell of a lot better i like your sword char Bad Charlie and Meh Dean is not a good combo[9:10 PM]CHARLIE JUST TOOK THE IMPALA![9:15 PM]Charlie broke his nose[9:15 PM]DAM![9:15 PM]USE THE FORSE![9:18 PM]Can we pleasse give charlie bad charlie's outfit?[9:18 PM]PLEASE?![9:18 PM]She looked so hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok the impalas a bench seat[9:30 PM]there's a couple inches differance between the two[9:31 PM]I know from experance that my grandma and grandpa are only a little bit shorter than me but when I pratice driving by pulling out their car I feel crampted in the front seats.[9:32 PM]so either Sam's crampted the whole time[9:33 PM]or Dean has a little stretch to reach the petals[9:34 PM]Fuk dean just got taken too[9:35 PM]YO![9:35 PM]It's 13 y/o Dean[9:38 PM]Spit it out[9:39 PM]How have you lived this long?[9:39 PM]Huh'[9:39 PM]How are u 30?[9:39 PM]How are you alive?[9:44 PM]Doess teenage dean have the mark?[9:44 PM]I would think but?[9:45 PM]TOLD Y"ALL SAM GETSS SQUISHED[9:45 PM]Also Dean should not be driving he doesn't look legal Iâm watching you burn[10:03 PM]SHIT LITTLE SAMMY!!!!![10:04 PM]nvm[10:04 PM]You look amazing in a hoodie and nikes Sam did you really use COBAIN as your name[10:16 PM]jesus dude but they are listening to HOSTER!![10:36 PM]LIKE FUCK YEA[10:38 PM]Then they killed a guy the impala has a crank[10:59 PM]i mean duh[10:59 PM]but Charlie's not allowed to be dead[12:38 PM]she knew the rules and broke them Dean's about to kill Sam but[12:45 PM]I'm laughing so hard Don't mind me just refusing to watch 10 22 because Charlie died in 10 21 and I'm pissed[10:33 PM]like she knew the rules and broke them I'm forcing myself to continue watching and Dean is getting pulled over[11:03 PM]I also just told him to be a lawful citzen even though you aren't[11:03 PM]and he's getting arsetted on non existent charges[11:04 PM]They found the id stash[11:04 PM]ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm[11:04 PM]dean used Freddy Mercury[11:04 PM]a known BI man as a cover[11:05 PM][11:07 PM]Sam has lured Crowley into a trap[11:07 PM]pfft[11:08 PM]Poor form even for you[11:08 PM]not my gun[11:09 PM]Petion to give Sam a hair tie[11:09 PM]Man bun that fucker man[11:10 PM]Dean's murdering a family and Sam's murdering Crowley[11:10 PM]What a world[11:11 PM]Die[11:13 PM]Bold words coming from you Sam[11:15 PM]Ginger whore[11:16 PM]Fucking Dean got captured by this fucking bitches[11:16 PM]you fucking dumbass[11:16 PM]both of you[11:17 PM]You can sorta see the camera in the relection of his eyes[11:18 PM]XXXXXDDDDDD[11:20 PM]I like that they stormed the bunker but no ones home because the ones who would be are DEAD![11:20 PM]and cas is where ever the fuck he is[11:22 PM]OH SHIT[11:23 PM]Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Beaten, why for Can't take much more (Here we go, here we go, here we go now) One, nothing wrong with me Two, nothing wrong with me Three, nothing wrong with me Four, nothing wrong with me One, something's got to give Two, something's got to give Three, something's got to give now Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Push me again This is the end (Here we go, here we go, here we go now) One, nothing wrong with me Two, nothing wrong with me Three, nothing wrong with me Four, nothing wrong with me One, something's got to give Two, something's got to give Three, something's got to give now Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Skin against skin, blood and bone You're all by yourself but you're not alone You wanted in and now you're here Driven by hate, consumed by fear Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor One, nothing wrong with me Two, nothing wrong with me Three, nothing wrong with me Four, nothing wrong with me One, something's got to give Two, something's got to give Three, something's got to give now Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Hey! Come! Hey! Come! Hey! Come! Hey! Come![11:24 PM]Don't burn the bloody photo I'm begging you[11:24 PM]Crappy taste my ass[11:25 PM]hes gay[11:26 PM]Dean's gonna raise holy hell on all because you burnt the pic of Mary[11:26 PM]Bringing holy hell on y'all[11:27 PM]Your dead buddy[11:27 PM]You killed Charlie and your gonna burn one of his only pics of his mom and Bobby[11:27 PM]Your fucking dead[11:28 PM]The man is covered in your family's blood and your mocking him about his sister's death[11:28 PM]not a good idea[11:29 PM]HOW MANY NIPPLES YOU GOT BOI?[11:29 PM]ttttttwo?[11:29 PM]Good  Head shot![11:30 PM]Dean[11:30 PM]Brother[11:30 PM]blood[11:31 PM]think[11:31 PM]Don't kill the boi[11:31 PM]please[11:31 PM]what the fuck[11:31 PM]-_-[11:32 PM]he was a human[11:34 PM]you're being a dick right now[11:34 PM]he just broke cas' arm[11:35 PM]DO NOT KILL YOUR BF![11:35 PM]HRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM[11:36 PM]wow you healed quik[11:37 PM]*quicke[11:37 PM]*quick[11:39 PM]I tend to read the summary of the up coming episodes and[11:40 PM]Shot interally from the inside of the impala[11:40 PM]Blah blah blah blah ghouls[11:42 PM]Sam hasn't completely fucked up a spell yet and Cas is an angel so[11:42 PM]you ain't either[11:43 PM]How about[11:43 PM]You give them the spell and they don't kill you[11:44 PM]I swear to god the fandom loves Baby more then they do
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Undertow pt 2
(Artwork by @warrior-kitty special thanks to @gemellath
(This story is rated PG-13 for content. You have been warned)
Kit drove to Coinâs house that morning and picked up the jackelope chugging a bottle of water.
âMan, itâs hot!â he shouted.
âHop in!â she told him. âToday is going to be crowded and you know it.â
Both of them knew that the beach would be crowded that day, but Kit was running late after not being able to find important things such as the umbrella, chairs, and sunscreen. Now that it was already late morning, they knew it was going to be hell to find just one parking spot but were unprepared for a bigger problem on their hands.
âHey Kitâ Coin said nervously. âUmmâŚI need to use the bathroomâŚâ
âHold on weâll get a spo-â
Kit was cut off when she saw that the line for beach parking was a mile away from the beach.
âOh noâŚTry to hold it in.â
However, they reached a parking lot and saw it was completely full.
âAlright then, letâs go to the other oneâŚâ Kit sheepishly stated.
âMan I gotta go likeâŚbadlyâŚâ
However, each and every lot was stuffed to the brim, and with each passing moment, Coinâs bladder was getting fuller and fuller until Coin was in excruciating pain with no end in sight with the traffic getting larger and slower. After the tenth parking lot, Coin was screaming and ran out of car.
âGo in the palm bushes!â Screamed Kit, panicking.
âThere are families everywhere!â the jackelope barked back. However, a sign pointed to the beach bar they usually went to, prompting Coin to speed walk across the costal parkway with the honking cars blaring their horns. He tried to walk faster but was moaning in such pain he couldnât even run without feeling the sharp pain on his bladder.
Roxie, meanwhile, was eating a bag of chips during her âbathroom breakâ. She had just dealt with cleaning up after a horrible rescue when she heard someone enter the menâs room in a rush. After a while the person did his business, washed his hands then sneezed.
âCrap! Forgot thereâs pollen everywhere!â
The dispenser was out of paper towels, so he tried to enter the stall. Roxie in shock dropped the chips onto the ground.
âOh, come on! Who eats chips in the bathroom?! And why in the menâs room of all places?â
âNo one expects me to be here.â
âHey wait a minute! GET OUT HERE!â
Roxie feared it was her boss, so she stepped outside, only to see her bandmate.
âRoxieâŚagain?â
âI got hungry.â
âIts 11:30 you can wait. Plus, tomorrow is your day off to celebrate so donât blow it.â
Coin guided Roxie back to the lifeguard chair where Harry was sitting.
âOh thank God. It was much shorterâŚâ he happily sighed.
âHi Harry! Howâs work today?â
âFor me itâs fine. Roxie however just had a shitty rescue, which is why she was allowed on a breakâŚâ
Coin was puzzled. âWhat happened?â
Roxie closed her eyes.
âAnother man was attacked by some octopi thingies and nearly drowned because they tried to force this seaweed into his mouth underwater. He projectile vomited all over me, so my boss made me take a showerâŚwith a hoseâŚon jet settingâŚâ
âWeâve been seeing a string of these lately and the Dolphin Division of the police department is on strong patrol right now, so try to stay safe.â
Coin set his towel and chair down, texting Kit to meet him by the bar. After a long half hour, Kit finally showed up.
âHey Coin!â Kit said from nearby âI found a spot by paying this guy money!â
âThatâs great!â Coin shouted as he went over. âWant me to help you set up?â
After taking another half hour of bickering and arguing the umbrella was properly set up. They had put on sunscreen, and laid down their beach towels, so now both of them were basking on the beach immersed in their sunny naps. Nearby a small disturbance in the sand was kicking it all up and creating a path. It scurried under Coinâs stomach, shaking him awake by the disturbance. He looked around but couldnât see a thing.
âHey KitâŚâ
âYea?â
âYou feel that?â
âNo. Probably a crab.â
However, Kit felt something try to jump up from under her back. She lifted her towel to see nothing was oddly there.
Behind the cooler a certain little mouse in a red prison outfit popped out of the sand. Rio climbed into the cooler and grabbed some ice cubes with a devious smirk on her face. She walked over to Coin, opened up his trunks, dumped the ice down, and watched him freak out.
âWhats going on here?â an annoyed Kit said to Coin.
Soon she also felt something pull on her suit, and ice was poured down her back. Bystanders looked to see who in the world were these two dancing clowns.
âWho did this?â Coin demanded.
âYou thought it was ice, but it WAS ME! RIO!â Rio shouted jumping onto her perch.
âRIO?!â Coin shouted. âYou busted out of prison?!â
âYouâre not going to report me, are you?â
âNoâ Kit said, a bit disappointed in her. âBut youâll need to get out of that prisoner outfit. Hide in our bag and stay in there until we get back.â
âHey guys!â DâArcy greeted. âWhat can I get you two?â
âHello DâArcy!â Coin replied. âYou are doing okay?â
âOther than going through the trauma of that e-mail sent to meâŚI guess Iâm fine.â
âWeâd like mouse-sizes for a t-shirt, shorts and swimsuit for Rio please.â Kit ordered.
âDidnât she get arrested?â DâArcy asked confused.
âYea but itâs a gift for her anyway.â
âOh ok.â
They paid and collected their bag of tiny clothing, with the jersey devil looking nervously at another clothing stand.
âWhy does she keep vanishing...?â
âWho?â Coin questioned.
âJill...â DâArcy murmured. âShe was a classmate at fashion school. Typical brainless spoiled brat if you ask me. Sheâs a sea serpent who almost got me expelled many times and always got away with it. She works the stand over there.â
âIs she someone we should worry about?â Coin said. âMaybe she sent the threat.
âProbably not, but sheâs been going back and forth quite a lot through that pop-up store⌠anyways, Iâll see you two later, weâre holding up the line a bitâŚâ
Now Linneaus was complete again and relaxing on the shore, sunbathing and enjoying the environment. However, that was all about to change, when Coin and Rio heard lovely sounding voices and giggling. They shook themselves up to see an elk jackelope wearing a mustard bikini standing above them.
âHey thereâŚâ the jackelope girl said. âMy name is PennyâŚâ
Coin was so transfixed on her body, especially her blue eyes, that his eyes turned to hearts and with his antlers turning pink as well.
âMan, what a womanâŚâ he said to himself. âIâmâŚCoinâŚâ
âLOL SO COOL! And who is your mousy friend?â Penny teased. âI have one too~âŚâ
Crawling from up her back, a fit and strong harvest mouse in purple trunks climbed up the antlers.
âYou summoned dearest Rhine?!â he declared.
Rio was immediately smitten with feelings for him and his beautiful build with her face turning a bright shade of pink.
âRio here!â she said. âItâsâŚa pleasureâŚâ
Kit looked over and wondered why they were so instantly crushed. She brushed it off and turned on her music before taking a nap.
âWe were wondering if you two would like to play volley ball with usâŚâ Penny declared. âMice vs Jackelopes?â
âS-SureâŚâ
âHell Yeah!â Rhine shouted.
âGoodâŚgoodâŚâ a voice whispered from under the sea. âBring them to me my creationsâŚâ
Meanwhile Kit felt her stomach rumble. Not paying attention to her friends, she opened the cooler and obtained her calzone. She heated it up using the sunlight and decided to sunbathe while she ate her lunch.
Her friends could barely contain themselves playing volleyball with the shady but sexy duo. Harry could only watch in sadness towards Coin as he and Rio couldnât even play the game properly they were so unfocused.
âHey Harold.â Roxie blurted. âWhy are you staring so hard at Coin? Heâs in loveâŚâ
âItâs just that it seems hopelessâŚHe and his mouse friend just wonât look away from them.â
âOh?! Like I didnât catch you thirsty for DâArcyâs ass again today!â Roxie exclaimed.
âShe doesnât tease me!â Harry yelled. âI go crazy for DâArcy because I actually fucking like her no matter what!â
âGlad to hear you admit itâŚ
âBut look at Coin and that broad heâs with!â he pointed. He watched Penny shake her tail at Coin, then saw Rhine flex for Rio, both of them absolutely paralyzed by their feeling âTheyâre baiting them with looks! First off, Iâve been with women that do this, and second, itâs our job to stop what could be potential sirens! With the attacks going on I canât risk losing anyone!â
âYou really think that those two are sirens?!â Roxie said. âLookie here, just because you canât have a girlfriend or boyfriend doesnât mean you have to tear others downâŚâ
Harry wondered if Roxie was right, and both took their positions without saying another word.
Rio hit the ball and got spiked by Penny in the face, knocking her down.
âWinner!â she yelled, hugging a shocked Coin, surprised he won but also scared for Rio.
âShouldnât we check on-?â
âI think sheâs fineâŚRhine is looking after her!â
<<Oh, mon petite fleur!>> Rhine ran over. âAre you alright?â
âYeahâŚIâm good.â
âSee sheâs fine!â Penny said.
âYou knowâŚI like youâŚâ
Coin blushed. âSame here.â
âYou and I will be boyfriend and girlfriend foreverâŚâ
They both pulled closer together until they shared a kiss, but suddenly Coinâs mouth was stuck to herâs, and seaweed was pouring into his mouth.
Rio, seeing Coin struggling, kicked Rhine, revealing himself to be a siren along with Penny. The siren kissing Coin let go and wrapped its tentacles around him. Rio ran towards the beach patrol screaming. Roxie sounded the alarm to get everyone away from the area as Harry ran over and tried to wrestle Coin free, only for the siren to toss him into a sandcastle as the beachgoers quickly ran out of the way. The dolphin P.D quickly swam close to the shore in order to wall the sirens off. The one pretending to be Rhine was caught trying to escape.
âThis is lovelyâŚâ Kit said, eating her calzone, unaware of the chaos around her.
DâArcy was just taking a photo with a fan when it happened. She swooped over until she found Roxie and Harry.
âWhatâs going on?!â she screamed.
âCoinâs being taken by a siren!â Harry screamed.
DâArcy saw it swimming and trying to bring the struggling jackelope deep into the ocean. She flew over, kicking the temptress with her hooves.
The siren responded with using Coin as a weapon, trying to jab his antlers into her skin, but failed since she was impervious to pain.
âSorry Coin!â she said before stomping his face.
âYou aightâŚâ
Now the dragon goatâs eyes gleamed red with rage, inflicting a curse on the siren. She summoned up her fire breath and torched the creature. Now distracted, DâArcy dove in and tried to pull her friend to safety, but she wasnât expecting the creature to splash water, blinding her. The siren threw Coin over the line of dolphins, who breached in an attempt to catch him. However, a serpent circled up from under them and caught the rabbit deer.
âHey DâArcy!â Jill screamed. âRemember me?!â
âUnhand him! NOW!â
âLove to talk DâArcy, but I gotta work!â
The police dove down to catch the serpent but were unprepared for the brigade of sea creatures blocking them and sacrificing arrest. They could only watch as the poor jackelope was taken away.
âWe want all fishing boats on alert!â the dolphin captain said. âScuba divers, scientists, anyone! Suspect is a sea serpent with blue hair, nose ring, Che Guevara shirtâŚâ
After the commotion had died down, Kit was still sleeping with sauce stains on her suit and fur, with the half-eaten calzone on her side. Her earbuds were ripped off and a large hooved slap woke her up.
âHungh?â she groaned.
Roxie was standing above her with a stern look of anger.
âCoin was kidnapped by a sea serpent and you slept through it!â the rougarou yelled, eating Kitâs calzone.
âWhat?â Kit asked confused.
DâArcy swooped down, red eyes glaring.
âHe was taken to the bottom of the oceanâŚI should curse you, you ignorant vulpine!â
Kitâs guilt transformed her into Granny as she pondered what to do next...
âCan-canât we go down there and save him?â
âWeâd have to come up with a plan.â DâArcy replied.
âIâll see if we can get our set moved to tomorrow.â Harry interrupted.
âBut Coin!â the snail-fox yelled. âHeâs in danger.â
âDonât worry about it.â DâArcy comforted. Tomorrow morning, me and the girls are going to try and save him. The sun is starting to set so itâs probably best if we just go home for now.â
Even after being back to normal Kit still felt upset lying in bed. She knew that if anything else happened, she would have to do something to save her friend. She just didnât know what to do.
#funny#writing#jackelope#cryptids#rougarou#jersey devil#chupacabra#mouse#fox#kitsune#team linneaus#It took me a week to upload this part...#lots of crazy shit happened
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"I've finally found you. "
Kuroo Tetsurou X reader
Soulmate and Reincarnation au! : one gets flashbacks of their past lives when they reach the age of 10
Warning: ancient Chinese history kind of?? angst??? Fluff??? I have no clue
Sorry for the grammar and spelling mistakes! It kinda sucks so-
Edit: Please don't read this- I did this at 1am- im not proud đđ
âĄâĄâĄâĄ
At the age of 9, I've remembered my classmates being so excited to see what kinds of flashbacks they might get. I was no exception. I really wanted to know how my soulmate looks like. Always dreaming about being married to a perfect man and having a perfect life, I was so happy to be reaching the age of 10 soon. Multiple thoughts ran through my small 9 year old brain.
Is his hot? Is he smart? Is he cute? Does he looks cute? Will he love me back? What if something goes wrong?
I sighed as I laid my head on the classroom table. I closed my eyes and continued to day dream about the perfect man that is going to be in my life soon.
âĄâĄâĄâĄ
Please stop.
Stop.
Please.
I beg of you.
STOP
I woke up from my nightmare. Drenched in sweat, I sat up on my bed and tried to calm my racing heart. I have just reached 10 years old a few hours ago. I've heard from my parents and friends that flashbacks from the past can come in the form of dreams. That was not the sweat dreams that I've expected.
My whole body dirty from being dragged from the ground. My long white gown being drenched with blood, sweat, tears and mud. My legs and hands being bloody from the chains. My torso bloody from being whipped with a thin long stick. My tears ran down my face continuously. I tried to break through the metal chains as I cried for help and forgiveness.
"I didn't do anything wrong! I was framed! Please let me out! I didn't cheat on the emperor! Please... Stop!" I cried out.
My vision blurred from the tears. The metal chains digging into my ankles and wrists. My body being constantly whipped by the stick. Exhaustion ran through my veins. Please stop. I'm tired. It hurts. I beg of you. Stop!
I shut my eyes to stop remembering the flashback but it just continues to run through my eyes. I thought these dreams and flashbacks are suppose to be sweet andthey should give me a hint of who my soul mate will be. Why do I get such horrible and torturous dreams? Why me?
I remembered the pain on my wrists and ankles vividly. It hurts. I didn't care if I was sweaty or not. I curled up on my bed, my forehead resting on knees as I cried myself to sleep. Why me?
âĄâĄâĄâĄ
I don't want to have a soulmate. I hate it. I hate the feeling. Every day, I had flashbacks and dreams of being tortured. I have enough. My whole body hurts being being tortured even though it's just a flashback.
I was 14 years old. I've always envied my classmates and friends for having such wholesome and cute flashbacks. I've always heard them gushing about their soulmates and their past lives. As they were talking about it, their eyes lit up with happiness and excitement. Some of my schoolmates were lucky as they figured out how their soul mates looked like by the flashbacks. Lucky.
Everytime someone talked about their soulmate, my anger rose. I hated my soulmate. I had enough. Why can't I have nice flashbacks. Why must my flashbacks be about torture and crying? My fist clenched with anger and frustration. I hate this. I was jealous.
I had frequent panic attacks in public due to the stupid flashbacks. I'm embarrassed. Sometimes I feel that my friends and classmates pity me for being like... like that. I don't often speak about my soulmate as Ive literally never seen him in my flashbacks. I hate it. I don't want to have a soulmate anymore.
How do I stop having flashbacks about my soulmate? Do I have to,,, end myself?
âĄâĄâĄâĄ
I broke out into a cold sweat from a dream again. My heart beat furiously. This is the first time in my 16 years being alive that Ive gotten a sweet and wholesome dream. I'm still in a state of shock. I was expecting to be tortured again in my dreams, as always. However, I dreamt about being in a garden with my soulmate.
Giggling, I smacked his arm playfully. "you're so mean, my king!" I laughed at him.
We were in a flower garden. The place have been decorated with colourful flowered and plants of many species. Butterflies fluttering around the plants and fishes are swimming in the huge pond. Next to the pond was a huge hut. These wooden chairs and tables are crafted out neatly with patterned of flowers and dragons. Having servants around the perimeter to guard us from potential danger, we were sitting together on the huge chair made of the king.
"..., you're so full of shit. Stop teasing me! If you continue teasing me, I'm actually gonna start crying." I smacked his arm once more as he continued to shame me for my height. "Im have an average height, okay. I'm not short! You're just abnormally long!"
"How dare you just insulted the King? I'll put you to the dungeon if you continue to insult me like that," he huffed. "I'm the nicest person in the kingdom."
I rolled my eyes at his comment. "yea but you love me too much to put me into the dungeon. I didn't insult you by the way, I was just speaking the FACTS!" I scoffed.
I took the chance to look at his face, but his face was blurred out. All I notice was his black messy hair that made him look like he just woke up. I reached up to touch his bed hair. I gasped on the inside. "Your hair is so soft. I love it." I smiled and ran my hand through his surprisingly soft hair.
I felt his hands sneak around my waist and he took this chance to pull me even closer to him, if it was possible. "you pull them everytime I ate you out-" He proudly said.
I blushed furiously and tried to cover his mouth to shut him up. "stop!!? Stop!! This is embarrassing! Shhh!!"
He chuckled and I felt my hands being licked. "AHH! STOP! Did you just lick me?? Ew!!!" I wiped my hand on his clothes.
Wait, I didn't notice our clothing. He was wearing some Chinese looking ancient outfit. Ah yes, a éžč˘ (lĂłng pĂĄo: a dragon gown) which had yellow dragon and auspicious patterns embroideries on it. The silk materi made it easier for us to wear in the summer and winter. It kept us cool in the summer and warm the the winter. That so cool. I looked down at myself. I wore loose clothes with long large sleeves. Under the long skirt was a pair of high-heeled clogs with some embroidery on them. There was a scarf wrapped around my arm, which symbolized that I was a noble woman. I ran my hand my my clothed knees. So smooth. For no apparent reason, I felt a sense of nostalgia and my eyes started to water. I felt,,, loved.
My thoughts were interrupted when I felt my hands being grabbed by his rough large hands. I looked up at him with such a loving look on my face. "I love you," I blurted out. I blushed and wondered why did I suddenly say that.
He slowly let go of my hand and gently used that free hand to push my head down on his shoulder. I snuggled closer to him and smelled a faint scent of his cologne. "I love you too, my love." he gave a gentle kiss to my forehead. I really love you, soulmate.
I really enjoyed the dream. I felt like I was 10 again. The daydreams of being loved and touched by my soulmate really made my heart burst with love and happiness. So this is how my friends felt when they have flashbacks. I smiled to myself. I think I don't hate you anymore, soulmate.
I laid back down on my bed. I couldn't sleep. And then I realised that I missed his touch. Just like the chain, I felt his touch on my skin vividly. I craved his love. I want to find him quick. I want to be with him forever. I love him.
I felt my blood rushing towards my face. I covered my face with my hands and rolled around my bed. I was a love sick fool.
âĄâĄâĄâĄ
I was transferred to Nekoma high school in my second year. I was devastated to move away from my friends in karasuno. I missed the volleyball club. I was their manager for a year and I really enjoyed my time there. They were my true friends. They comforted me when I was having very bad flashbacks and panic attacks. I am going to miss them.
I'm 17 years old and I have a one sided love hate relationship with my soulmate. I continued to have such bad flashbacks most of the time but sometimes I have such wonderful and heart warming flashbacks. I hate him. But I love him too much.
I was looking down at my phone, scrolling through the memes that the volleyball gAnG sent to me on the group chat. I laughed silently and walked past the school gate. I wasn't aware of my surroundings and I bumped into someone tall and hard.
Oh God did I just hit a pole or something?? Why is it so hard??? I looked up and a wave of flashback just went over me.
"you cheated on me. I trusted you. You cheated on me with my trusted buddy!" he screamed at me. His face red from the anger.
My eyes widened from the claim. "excuse me? I didn't! Bokuto was eating so messily and I just wiped my handkerchief onto his mouth to wipe away the rice!" my hands clenched into a fist.
"what the fuck? Then explain why he hugged you on the bridge a few days ago? I had people watching over you two. I should've listened to the concubine. I shouldve trusted what the concubines said. I shouldn't have trusted you, slut." he slapped me across the cheek.
He was strong. I fell of my feet and fell onto the ground, hot tears spilling from my eyes. "I've never cheated on you with him. He caught me from falling into the the pond. Why don't you trust me? I would never cheat on you..." I cried.
"my servant saw you in the room with him two days ago. I knew you two were fucking behind my back. You shouldn't be the queen. You should be executed." he glared at me. He turned his back on me and walked towards the throne. "Officials, strip her off her title. Send her to the dungeon and punish her by whipping. Death by hanging."
"no! Stop! Stop! Im not cheating on you! I love you so much! Stop it! How dare you do this to your soulmate?" I screamed in fear. I would never cheat on him. Please believe me. Please...
The guards come running in, forcefully grabbing my arms and dragging me away. O struggled and tried to twist my arms to escape from them. There was no use. I looked at my soul mate in fear. "help me, Kuroo."
He looked away from me. His expression with hurt written all over his face. He still love me, right?
I was beaten. Whipped. Tortured. My whole body hurts. My eyes felt tired from crying for hours. My lungs sore from the screaming and crying. My body bloodied. I felt light headed. Just kill me already. I want to die. Die. Die. I really want to die. This flashback was worse than any other flash back I had.
Kuroo... Help me... I didn't cheat on you... I love you... Please.... Let me go... I love you... I want to be with you forever... Please stop...
After sunrise, the guards came in. They slapped me awake. "say your last words before you die, bitch." he spat on me.
I couldn't even flinch at his words anymore. I feel so numb. I just want to sleep. I want to go home. I want warmth. I want his warmth. I want Kuroo.
"I,,, didn't cheat on you, kuroo. I was planning our anniversary with Bokuto as a surprise for you. I wanted to have a party...just us... Having fun... I'm really tired. I will miss you, Kuroo. I really love you. But I don't want to be your soulmate anymore. I'm tired. You don't trust me. But I still... Love... You..."
My eyes slowly closed and my muscles all relaxed. Ah I've passed away. How embarrassing. Declaring my love for someone who doesn't even trust me. How pathetic. I hate my soulmate. I hate... Kuroo.
My head hurts. My whole body hurts. My world just spinning around. Tears poured down my eyes. I started hyperventilating. I bumped into someone and started to get a panic attack? My reputation is screwed. I caught a black headed messy hair stranger in front of me. Haha now I'm visioning of my soulmate. What a joke.
"(Y/N)... You're my soulmate...?" when those words come out from his mouth. My eyes snapped open. He is...
The person standing in front of me is the person I hate and I love the most. Kuroo... All those flashbacks come crashing down on me. I'm scared. "stop! Don't come near me! Don't hurt me! I'm sorry! Don't slap me! " I cried out loud, in front of everyone.
He immediately wrapped his arms around me tightly. "stop! (y/n) I won't hurt you! I love you! Please calm down!"
"don't touch me!!" I screamed my lungs out. "you're going to hurt me!"
"no, I won't! (y/n) please trust me!"
"no, stop! I'm scared. You're going to hurt me like the past. I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared."
I pushed him off and stumbled backwards.
"I hate you."
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The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Ch.1
Rose firmly believed that everything magical happened at night. Ever since she could remember, the only time she ever felt truly like herself was when everyone else had turned off their worlds and gone to sleep.
When she was 13, Roseâs parents had gotten divorced, and her mother had uprooted them from Seoul to Los Angeles. The only thing that stopped her tears was climbing onto the roof of their new apartment building in the dead of night to look at the tall, spindly palm trees swaying in the Santa Ana winds. The air smelled faintly like jasmine, and the city lights twinkled cheerily at her, as if trying to help her feel marginally less alone.
When she was 16, Rose was in New York when she had lost her virginity and gotten her heart broken all in the same night. Numb, she walked around the city aimlessly until she happened to see a sign for a model management company promising money, travel, and the opportunity to change her life. She remembered thinking that she would do anything to take her away from here, away from her life.
And when Rose was 22, she happened to be in Tokyo, at 3am, when she met him - the boy who would change her entire life.
Ch. 1 -- Serendipity
Canât eat that. Canât eat that. Nope, not that. Not that either. Rose let out a groan of frustration as she walked past rows of snacks, onigiri, and ramen that she wasnât allowed to eat. After constant dieting for photoshoots and runway shows, it should have been easy for her to stop in a 7/11 and not practically drool over all the forbidden fruit. And yet here she was, in black sweatpants and sweatshirt, staring longingly at a cup of Shin ramen like the worldâs hungriest ninja. To be fair, it had been an especially long day of fittings. As the new face of Dior, she was spending a week in Tokyo to shoot the multi-part campaign, each shoot promising to be more stressful than the last. Rose had been preparing herself for months now, and a cup of hot, savory ramen was not going to be her undoing.
âDing,â the storeâs door chime sounded, and the muffled noises of other night owls looking for snacks broke the pleasant silence. Unbothered, Rose continued to stare daggers into the ramen, not noticing that someone was standing right beside her until he muttered, âThereâs only one left.â
âHuh?â she asked, startled.
âOh, sorry. I was talking to myself,â he responded in slightly accented Japanese.
Rose turned to fully look at the mystery boy, dressed in all black with a face mask on, hair falling over his eyes, just like her. She couldnât help but giggle. âWeâre matching,â she said in Japanese with a bright smile that crinkled her eyes into half moons.
Surprised, he lifted his head to look at her, at her long ash-brown hair, at her glowing skin, and at her eyes that he was certain were the color of liquid sunsets. Wow, he thought.
âYou can have the ramen. Iâm not allowed to eat it anyways,â she continued.
His brain was still stuck on liquid sunsets when he choked out a reply. âWhy?â
He watched her scrunch her nose cutely as she responded. âIâm on a diet. Iâll just get soup or something.â
Pouting, she started to walk away from him. Every muscle in his body tensed, screaming at him to make her stay, if only for another second.
âWait!â
She turned around hesitantly and saw him holding the cup of ramen. Â
âWhat if we split it?â
She cocked her head to the side but didnât respond. He couldnât help but think cute cute cute.
He continued, âitâs half the caloriesâŚ?â
She furrowed her eyebrows at him, clearly weirded out that a stranger just asked to split ramen with her, but she barely had a chance to respond before her stomach let out an embarrassingly loud growl. Traitor.
He let out what she guessed to be a snort.
âFine. But- â She snatched the ramen from him. â-Iâm making it! I canât trust a stranger to make my precious ramen.â
He shook his head, âYou mean our precious ramen!â
She cracked a grin and skipped down the aisle, going to the register to pay.
âWait! Iâll pay.â
âThatâs very gentlemanly of you, but since youâre being nice enough to share, itâs my treat.â
He looked ready to fight her on it, but before he could move, she grabbed him by his sweatshirt sleeve and dragged him over to the eating counter.
âSit.â
He huffed and sat down.
She smiled warmly at him. âGood boy.â
His heart lurched into his throat. So endearing.
He watched as she paid and prepared the ramen. Everything she did was graceful. Even though she was right â they were in fact wearing matching outfits â her long legs, tiny waist, and the little peek of her abs made her look irresistibly sexy. Heâd seen plenty of beautiful girls, but none of them made him feel soâŚ.warm.
He ached to touch her, to run his fingers through her soft hair, to hear her giggle again, to stay there in the convenience store and know all her secrets, to tell her all his secrets.
He couldnât remember ever being so affected by a girl before, especially not a girl he met 5 minutes ago, and he was still thinking about it when she was back, steaming cup of ramen in one hand and pair of chopsticks outstretched in the other.
She spoke while he was rubbing his chopsticks together, âIâm Rose by the way.â
Rose. He rolled it around in his head and concluded that her name was beautiful too. He reflexively went to remove his face mask and tell her his name, but his hand stopped mid-motion, a million thoughts running through his head. What if she knew who he was and turned into a scary fangirl? Even worse, what if she knew who he was and hated him? What if, what if, what ifâŚ
Rose knew the strange boy was going through a little crisis, since normally guys would jump to give her their name, usually followed by their phone number and a horrible pick up line, so she played it super cool and pretended to be focused on her chopsticks as she snuck peeks at him.
After another second, he made up his mind that the risk was worth it. So taking a leap of faith, he slid off his hood and pulled down his mask.
âIâm Jungkook.â
He had a great face. Flooffy hair, big doe eyes looking into Roseâs intently, and very soft, kissable lipsâwait, what?
She allowed her eyes to trace his sharp jawline once â self control! â before finding his eyes again.
âJungkook? Thatâs Korean, right?â
Quickly covering up his surprise that she didnât seem to know who he was, he smiled timidly back at her.
âYea.â
She smiled widely this time, as brilliant as the sun.
âIâm Korean too! We can stop using broken Japanese to talk to each other.â
He laughed then, and Rose internally squealed when she saw his cute, bunny teeth.
A little shy, but curious nonetheless, Jungkook asked, âDo you live in Korea then?â
âSort of. I have an apartment in Seoul, but I travel a lot for work, so I sort of live everywhere and nowhere. What about you?â
âI live in Seoul, but Iâm kind of the same, traveling all the time.â He was still cautious of revealing too much. He didnât think she was pretending not to know him, so he wanted to protect this refreshing anonymity for just a little while longer.
He was about to ask her another question when they were interrupted by the jarring sound of an iPhone alarm.
âRamenâs done!â
Rose practically dropped her phone in excitement while silencing her timer. As if he wasnât already overly fond of her, she had to go and do a little dance while tearing off the lid and stirring the noodles, making him swoon.
She could feel his eyes staring when she glanced up at him through her eyelashes. âWhat? This is my happy dance.â He only chuckled.
She twirled a huge bite of the steamy, spicy, delicious noodles and opened her mouth wide, only to be interrupted by his chopsticks rudely stopping hers.
âHey!â
âShouldnât the oldest get the first bite?â
Rose put her chopsticks back in the cup, and her eyes turned sharp. Uh oh, Jungkook activated sassy mode.
âFirst off, weâre not in Korea so those rules donât apply. Second, youâre definitely not older.â Triumphant, Rose waited for a comeback.
Smirking, Jungkook only asked, âWhat year are you?â
Not about to be fooled, Rose countered, âYou first.â
âHow about we both say it on 3?â
Exasperated and hungry, Rose agreed.
â1âŚ2âŚ3âŚâ
ââ97â
ââ97â
âHa!! Weâre the same age.â
She quickly turned her attention back to the ramen. Considering for a second, she held up the folded ramen lid to him. âWe can take the first bite together, if we drop the honorifics.â
Not really caring who takes the first bite, Jungkook only wanted to get to know her better, and he was more than happy to get closer to her. âDeal.â
If anyone were to walk by the 7/11 in Ginza at 3am that night and look into the window, they would have seen two people, heads bent toward each other, eyes gazing into each otherâs and smiles growing on their lips as the steam from a cup of ramen warmed their already blazing cheeks. The fluorescent lights cast them in a warm glow, and time itself seemed to slow to honor the serendipity that brought these two souls together so that their story could finally begin.
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