#But up until a certain event he considered Killer completely replaceable

[somegrumpynerd]

If you don't mind me asking, how did Nightmare learn to be a good "boss" (dad) in the first place? Did he have subordinates before the Bad Sanses? Did someone teach/adopt him after he was corrupted and he's going off their example?

...

Did he have Killers before this one and he learned from experience?

Y'know what's funny? Ages ago I was planning a (now abandoned) kinda comic series of Nightmare recording events after taking in a mortal for the first time (Killer). It was mostly supposed to be showing how he slowly grew to care for them and softened to them and the world over time (and also how the room behind him would get brighter and more colourful and filled with books and trinkets to show the positive change they were having on him).

And I did think early on about having a plot twist where it turned out he lost his first Killer and that was what made him start taking more care of them when he got another. But honestly that just makes me too sad lol I do think it's a cool idea for his character but I can't do it very well

I like to think, for my Nightmare at least, it was just a lot of doing it wrong for a long time until he learned better. When he first got Killer he was not a good boss, he was still pretty cold and uncaring and didn't really know anything that mortals needed. (In a way Killer was a bad one for him to start with because he wasn't really in the business of taking care of himself so he didn't say anything, he would just kinda collapse when the sleep or food meter got too low and Nightmare would drag him home.)

Horror was the first one in the team that would actually say if they didn't have something, like food or soap or blankets, and by that point Nightmare was pretty receptive to it. Every one of them has taught him things about what they all need but he's still learning and trying his best to make sure they're taken care of.

[luckyspacerabbit]

would you ever share the background you created for kai leng? i'd be so interested in hearing it!

Hehe, yes! Thank you for waiting anon. I wanted to really think this through and make sure I was working with all the possible details of his character.

Okay, so my goal with fleshing out Kai was not to excuse him as a villain or to necessarily redeem him, but to humanize him and hopefully incur sympathy because I find his depiction as a mysterious lackey boogeyman to be 🙄 one dimensional and playing on racist tropes like the yellow peril ✨ (also bioware making him predominantly chinese + a lil russian. extrapolate what u will lol)

So here is my background for Kai :) Lots of childhood headcanoning and then some general talk about his character/why I chose certain elements as I did (such as dumping that dumb phantom blade for butterfly swords AEORHIG)

Childhood: According to the wiki, Kai is Earthborn, and from his general heritage we can assume that he grew up in Northern China (omg that's where my ancestors are from). The most populous city there is Beijing, which, if there was a spaceport or alliance recruitment anywhere, it would be there.

I headcanon that he was born to a bit of an unsteady family, where it was likely there was estrangement and unsafe conditions between the mother and father that may have created a sense of helplessness and neglect from a young age.

In my canon, Dan Hyun's mom, Hannah Shepard was the head of an agricultural research facility on Trident, and was an old friend of Kai's mom (From University, possibly).

As conditions worsened throughout Kai's childhood, his mom decided to take a chance and flee with Kai (age 10 at the time) to Hannah Shepard's science facility on Trident (Sentinel Agricultural Research Facility), where she and Kai would stay for about two years as his mom worked to save enough money for their own place .

Since Dan Hyun was already being homeschooled, it was easy enough for Kai to join up alongside her.

Dan Hyun (12 at the time) was extremely happy to have a friend since life on the facility could be really lonely-- but with all these changes Kai was having a difficult time adjusting, especially when Dan Hyun felt put off by his competitive attitude. After so long feeling neglected and growing in a tumultuous home environment, he craved external validation: homeschool provided an avenue for that. They developed their own academic-based competitive rivalry that counted towards friendship, but grew distant when he moved out with his mom about two years later.

When Dan Hyun was 18 (Kai at 16), she managed to apply to an Alliance Research Training program and receive admission-- something that was considered highly prestigious, despite her parents' reluctance. Kai had already begun to build resentment towards her due to the way her parents treated her (very preciously, sheltered, and without exposing her to the difficult parts of life) in contrast with what he lacked in family and world kindness, creating a drive to supersede her and compete with her once again, if only to have tangible proof that just because he began in a lower place didn't mean he couldn't surpass the vision of success.

After this event, they would strike up a still somewhat friendly rivalry again that continued until Kai enlisted in the Alliance at the age of 18 (his attempts to join directly at 16 failed in my canon lol, but he sure tried )

Alliance Service:

Kai took the combat-driven route while Dan Hyun was receiving training for her eventual research establishment in Akuze, meaning that in their line of work, they never crossed paths-- Though they maintained occasional communication and met up here and there whenever Kai was back from his tours.

This is where I believe his decline truly began.

Some habits, like his desire for tangible proof of success and seeking external validation, manifested more heavily in this time. Collecting badges off of dead soldiers (To remember his skill first hand) is a notable one, but I speculate he relied heavily on the word of his commanding officers to counter his self-esteem. Titles were incredibly important because they were proof. When he began to feel a loss of control which led to emotional outbursts and breakdowns, he would fall back on these bits of evidence that he had done something, anything.

The weight and violence of service combined to break away his mental strength and conditioned him to that of a soldier.

Famously, he was discharged in 2186 after his N7 designation. In a bar fight on shore leave, he murdered a Krogan (OKAY. Listen. The wiki says "first-degree murder" but first degree requires premeditation and bar fight implies heat of the moment. So IDK I think the details around this one are a little fishy. He was on leave but he was a soldier, so ? he probably just had a weapon on him? Okay, I'm not excusing him but premeditation is a bit different from manslaughter so just something I've pondered. It separates intentional killers from accidental murders).

At this point, he is formally incarcerated and set to serve a twenty-year sentence.

Cerberus Contact:

The year is 2177, and Kai has lost everything he's ever worked for. His prestige is gone, he is at the worst place he has ever been, his mom won't talk to him, and he has no one. He had even stopped hearing from Dan Hyun, the only person he could have considered a friend once.

Through a small TV in the prison, he is able to hear about the attack on Akuze, and its one survivor: Alliance Scientist Dan Hyun Shepard. In the attack her biotic abilities (Which she had kept secret for many years) were revealed, prompting immediate recruitment into the N7 Program and a contract for ten years of service. This drove Kai into rock bottom-- while he had nothing, Dan Hyun was steadily on track to uprooting the only thing he had ever felt like he had accomplished.

This is when Cerberus intervened, promising him a home, freedom, belonging, and success.

So of course Kai agreed. Why wouldn't he? He had nothing left in his miserable life and there would never again be a place for him.

Cerberus Intervention:

It's my belief that Kai wasn't necessarily "alienphobic" in the beginning. Instead, I think The Illusive Man saw a very clear opportunity to recruit and nurture a broken man into a pawn of service. TIM is incredibly smart-- everyone who works for Cerberus is. He knew what Kai needed was validation, the promise of success held directly on the tip of his tongue to drive him into tenacity and action.

Organizations like Cerberus, even in real life, prey on people at weak points, fulfill their needs and drape their ideology on top like icing on a cake. That's not to say that Kai is completely innocent-- he ate the sweets and readily threw the world to the side in order to attain more-- but it does give some perspective.

Kai in Cerberus:

In ME2 we know there is some apprehension on Kai's part about the role Shepard will play. He is already starting to feel slighted from failures with Rasa and takes even the possibility of rejection from TIM extremely hard and with violent emotional outburst. This evidences how much TIM has whittled him away over the decade of service. Kai feels as though he owes everything to TIM, that TIM saw something in him-- failing him is disproving that and accepting what Kai has feared all along: that he truly is a worthless and incapable person.

Kai and Shepard:

Kai is best known for his direct antagonism towards Shepard in the events of ME3, directly killing their allies and potential love interests in a way that is extremely personal. Yes, it is part of the job, but at the same time, it's clear Shepard gets under his skin. It's because in the end, after all that setup, Shepard is the one person who can take it all away from him.

They can replace him as TIM's prodigy/ They can bring an end to the organization that gave him everything (From his cybernetic enhancements (uh indoctrination cough couch) ) to his purpose in life. Kai threw it all in with them because he didn't see another choice.

My Canon: The End

So how do things end for Kai in my canon?

As you're aware, you can unalive him, violently. But Dan Hyun is very emotional and due to their shared childhood, I like to believe that there was still a grand feeling of kinship between them, a recognition of the other due to shared insecurities. I don't think there was ever a time Dan Hyun looked at Kai and saw anything other than her slighted friend (which is very romanticized, but SHE is very romanticized), it was just about getting Kai to see that too.

She locked him down the best she could, yelled, cried, and beat the shit out of him, but ultimately, preserved his life. After the crucible had been fired and Thane (alive ofc) attended to, she sought to right things between her and Kai: whatever form that takes. Who knows if he'll ever be able to live comfortably in society again-- but at least here, he has the chance.

Random Tidbits:

Some notes! At his best, I like that Kai is portrayed as Loyal, Hard Working, Methodical, Clever, Tenacious, and Factual. I think sometimes he can be written off unfairly as wimpy or scared, but in truth, he's very sure of his abilities and able to calculate his chances extremely well. He's smarter than fandom gives him credit for.

He has an interesting conflict between arrogance based on title and humbleness. He knows he wants to be the best but he never airs it-- like when Rasa suggests that he wants to be the leader for Humanity but he grows quiet and says to just focus on where things are at right now.

His time as a soldier absolutely affected him in ways I think sharpened him to the killer he became. It instilled values that remained with him in Cerberus, such as when he berates Bates for abandoning his squad and calls him a traitor. Kai doesn't betray-- he's quite literally ride or die.

Also? The ninja sword is super dumb because Kai is Chinese and the swords and Phantom's themselves are designed to appear Japanese in aesthetic. Ninjas= Japanese, but China did have their own sect of Assassins which I believe gave birth to Wu Ching as a type of Martial Arts? Or was drawn from it hmm

To keep to accuracy, Kai would have trained more towards their martial art techniques which focuses on close combat and quick movements, as well as the use of dual blades called butterfly swords (You'd likely recognize them as a set of rogue daggers).

That's all for that meta! Phew. If anyone actually read to the end, hey wassup, hope you enjoyed, and take most of this with a grain of salt since it's my headcanons and background work :) Thank you again for reading!

[radramblog]

Have a plan to kill everyone you meet- Fallout New Vegas Genocide run notes

For some reason, and I can’t say why, I’ve had a hankering to play through Fallout: New Vegas again. There’s always a few quests I haven’t beaten, I guess, 100%% achievement completion or not.

However, video essays on moral choices in video games have been part of my feed recently, and like many, apparently, I’m someone who usually tries to pick the goody two-shoes options. But NO MORE! In this hypothetical future playthrough I wanna try and fuck over every single person, and for once end up with Bad Karma at the end.

I’ve seen a few things online about people doing murder only runs of this game, but I don’t think anyone’s tried this particular undertaking. Specifically, I’m not just gunning to gun down everyone I see, I’m going out of my way to kill as many named characters as possible. Using the Fallout Wiki as a hitlist, everyone it is possible to kill will be killed.

The following are my notes about routing such a playthrough. I hope they’re entertaining enough! :p

New Vegas Genocide Mode

The following characters cannot be killed for any reason:

The Forecaster, Melody, Max, Stacey, Lindsay, Pete, and Hector are all children and as such are undamagable- I’m sure a mod exists but I’m not gonna go download that, I don’t wanna end up on a list.

Festus is a robot whom projectiles pass through and who takes no damage from physical attacks. Besides, his artificial intelligence is limited enough that are you really actually killing anything there?

Vendortron is in an impenetrable booth, and while I’m pretty sure you can glitch into its box, I’m also pretty sure he respawns anyway.

Yes Man can be killed as many times as I like, and I will, but he always respawns so even if you piss off/kill off other factions you still have a path to endgame.

 The following characters are mutually exclusive- i.e. you can get one, but not the other.

Ranger Stevens and Cato Hostilius- The missions You’ll Know It When It Happens and Arizona Killer are about being on the opposite sides of an assassination attempt on the President of the NCR. Ranger Stevens only shows up if you’re trying to stop it, and Cato Hostilius is your contact for trying to cause it.

Gabban, Alerio, and Martina Groesbeck- This all comes back to Vulpes Inculta. Vulpes shows up in two events- in Nipton when you first arrive there, and in the Strip when you leave the Tops after confronting Benny. Gabban replaces Vulpes in Nipton if you kill him in the Strip, and Alerio replaces him if you kill him at Nipton. If you don’t kill him at either, he returns to the Fort where you can receive a quest from him involving Martina. To my knowledge, she doesn’t spawn without that quest. I do need to investigate if in theory you can get the quest from Vulpes before killing him and without visiting Nipton, letting you kill both him and Gabban.

The Big Problem: Reputation

There are four characters whom only show up in their faction’s respective safehouses, requiring a significant dedication to not murdering people to unlock. In addition, access to certain quests with named characters (e.g. I Fought the Law) requires not being hated by the relevant faction. As such, we can’t start wantonly killing people until a certain point.

This gets complicated when it comes to the main 2 factions, being the Legion and the NCR. Fortunately, however, after the first act of the main story, reputation with both gets wiped (by Vulpes/Alerio and Crocker), which we can manipulate pretty well. It makes sense to do the NCR first, as reputation with them is more relevant overall and often costs Legion reputation.

This is the route I’ve figured out for how to work around this issue, including every quest that spawns uniquely named characters for us to murder. DLCs and Companions are currently not included, but shouldn’t be too hard to figure out. Except maybe Joshua Graham.

Start the game as a male character (Legion won’t let you in the pit fights if you’re a woman bc they’re sexist) and take Wild Wasteland (necessary for one event).

 AVOID THE FOLLOWING LOCATIONS/QUESTS: NIPTON, anywhere with major Powder Ganger concentrations, Ghost Town Gunfight/Run Goodsprings Run, Boulder City Showdown. We’re trying to maintain relationships with the NCR, Powder Gangers, and Great Khans as long as possible.

(At some point get enough Sunset Sarsaparilla Star caps to get Malcom to show up)

Head to Primm, picking up Ed-E and beginning his quest. This quest needs to be continued at minimum until April Martimer spawns in Freeside.

Solve Primm’s deputy problem somehow so Layla spawns later.

Make way to Freeside/New Vegas, however necessary.

Donate medical aid to Julie Farkas, raising Followers of the Apocalypse fame, until access to the Followers Safehouse is granted.

Go to the Atomic Wrangler and get Debt Collector (spawns Caleb McCaffery)

After acquiring the Cannibal perk, proceed down Beyond the Beef by working with Mortimer until Carlyle spawns.

Get and complete Bye Bye Love, spawning Big and Little Beard, making sure to kill everyone involved after Joanna gives the quest How Little We Know (spawns Cachino)

Go to Camp McCarran, and acquire quests Dealing with Contreras (spawns Keller), There Stands the Grass (spawns Keely), and Silus Treatment (lets you into Silus). Suck up to the NCR until access Colonel Hsu lets you into the Ranger Safehouse.

Go to Jacobstown and proceed along Guess who I Saw Today until Norton shows up.

Go to North Vegas Square and get Someone to Watch Over Me, proceeding until Greasy Johnny spawns.

Go to the Great Khan Encampment to get Don’t Make a Beggar of me, spawning Tyrone.

Go to the NCRCF and proceed down I Fought the Law, then betray the Powder Gangers to get Sergeant Lee to spawn.

Go to Hidden Valley and start Still in the Dark, spawning Ranger Dobson and killing him. Complete the quest to gain access to the Brotherhood of Steel Safehouse.

Go confront Benny at the Tops, resetting negative reputation with the Legion and NCR.

Proceed to the Fort and start the Legion questline, making sure to complete Laurifer Gladiator and start The Finger of Suspicion.

Keep going down the Legion Questline, eventually reaching Arizona Killer- make sure to kill Cato after assassinating Kimball and Watson.

If Lucius hasn’t given access to the Legion Safehouse yet, do bullshit for the Legion until he does (e.g. give Aurelius NCR Dogtags)

Once access is granted, it is now safe to start killing everyone! Have fun.

After the blood of your enemies, friends, and strangers covers everything, proceed down the Wild Card route to the endgame, making sure to kill Yes Man after every conversation, so you can get to the Second Battle of Hoover Dam and murder Legate Lanius. Don’t let Yes Man kill Lee Oliver, do it yourself!

As the credits roll, use glitches/godmode to regain control so you can go behind the slideshow and kill Ron the Narrator.

Still during the credits, end it all the only way we know how- blow yourself up, killing the last named character available to kill.

Maybe consider using console commands to spawn in the 2 characters that were mutually exclusive just to kill them. Might as well.

[heartless-error]

Broken, not perfect, but together. - Chapter 10

Fandom: DC comics, Batman

Pairings: Jonathan Kent x Damian Wayne (JonDami) & Jason Todd x Timothy Drake (JayTim)

Rating/Tags: Family feels, hurt/comfort, mental health issues, running away, unresolved romantic tension

Other(s) links: AO3

Broken.

The Batfamily was broken.

It was six years ago, and they had barely stood together since then, trying to stand up despite guilt and regret.

Damian  was sure there was nothing to save, not after losing something that he  didn’t know he cared about. But when a new opportunity to get back what  they had lost appeared, he cannot help to doubt as his past decisions  haunt him again.

If you love somebody, set them free. But you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

Chapter Summary: He knew he wasn't a good father, he had always knew. But he was trying, like always. And he knew he couldn't get rid of all his mistakes too, but at least he wasn't alone facing them. He had Clark, he always had Clark, even commiting the same mistakes.

Chapter 10

 Six years ago

 Contrary to what many people seemed to think, Bruce didn’t always have everything under control.

 He was trying, what was different. With all his strength, every day, with all the means and knowledge he had. Even if it was never enough, over and over again. The key was in that, in trying. It didn’t matter how many doubts were around him, how many problems arose against him or how much they tried to stop him, he had to keep trying, to solve it, showing a calm and in control facade so others didn’t know how much his mistakes or indecision haunted him in every step he took.

 Bruce knew there was no need to do it, to be so controlling or to bury his insecurities so deeply and hidden from anyone who dared to look. But he also knew where those problems came from, everything that had fed them, and what brought them to light.

The desire to control even what he couldn’t born in him from the moment in which the sound of the lifeless bodies of his parents resounded in that alley, that fateful night, and since then he lived with it. That desire to watch, intervene, and always be prepared for the worst grew as he did too, and became the man, the supposed hero, he’s now. And it was when those closest to him suffered or were injured by his decisions or failures, which reaffirmed more and more in his being.

 That feeling, that need, was like a vine with thorns. Pointy, infinite, dangerous, and sturdy, rooted within him without any limit, pressing and suffocating him everywhere, ready to hang him. It scratched his scars so that he would always remember them, suffocated his mind so that he would never forget it, and strangled his soul and that of those around him, because it was a double-edged sword where the line of protecting or controlling was easily blurred.

He couldn't get rid of it either, because then, what would be left of him? He was Batman. Batman. The one who always had a plan, a contingency, who stood out for his critical sense and his mind, what always had another alternative. He was the one whom the others looked at when they were trapped in a situation with no way out, the one who kept calm in extreme situations, the one who was able to save the day or the world thanks to his control.

 He couldn't lose that, but it's not like he wanted to, or knew how, either. So, doing his best was all that was left. Keep calm, control. He tries it.

 He tried but the manor was quiet. He knew it wasn’t something unexpected after what happened three nights ago, but it kept worrying him because it was as if everything had turned off suddenly.

Damian's firm, light footsteps were no longer heard in the hallways, his youngest son hadn’t left his room since that night, he had also refused to receive anyone and was recovering from his sprained ankle. The soft Richard’s laugh had also vanished, he was like a ghost, he knew that he walked around the corridors from time to time because he couldn’t bear the confinement, but he was impossible to detect. Alfred's courtesy couldn’t be seen either, he knew that the man was not only angry, but that he respected his desire to be alone right now. The presence of his daughter, Cassandra, was also lying much in need, as much as she was silent in itself, her stay was always appreciated. Stephanie's jokes had been replaced by cautious and angry looks upon learning what happened. Barbara hadn't even deigned to answer him when he asked for a certain favor the night before. Timothy and Jason had fallen into complete silence, nothing unexpected.

 It was afternoon, but Bruce was in his office in the manor, thinking about how the place he had managed to fill with laughs, footsteps, and life over the years was now as empty and silent as when Thomas and Martha Wayne died.

He hadn't moved much, from the big chair in front of the expensive office desk, because he was still thoughtful and analyzing the argument that had happened in the cave three days before.

 Bruce knew he wasn’t a good father. Like all of him, he was trying, but he was very aware of reality. If someone asked him about the mistakes he had made regarding his children, he could list each and every one of them by heart, classify them by different categories, and then recite them out loud almost without thinking. This, obviously, was because he had them in his mind and insanely at all times and, of course, feed again those cravings for control that dominated him. The fear of losing them was too much, he couldn’t bear it, and that led him back to enter that infinite cycle that dominated his life.

The more he loved his children, the more he needed to protect them. That, in one way or another, involved controlling them and their environment, and the more he tried to do it, the more damage he did directly or indirectly. He always ended up failing, making mistakes. And these mistakes were present again, trying not to be repeated for then commit others instead.

 He was also aware that most of his children hadn’t had an easy life. Everyone came to him as children whose circumstances had been difficult and unfavorable. He couldn’t be responsible for the trauma or abuse that others had done to them, he just helped to mitigate it, give them the happy, healthy home they deserved and tried to change things where possible. But at the end of the day, the adult who took responsibility for them was him, and definitely had made mistakes.

 The worst and what tormented him most at the moment, is that if he listed those mistakes and removed the most obvious and indisputable of the list -how, for example, involve all of them in their crime crusade - most of them involved Tim and Jason in some way or another.

 That certainly didn’t help him.

 If he initially wouldn’t have been so hurt by Dick's departure to the Titans, perhaps he would have considered not controlling Jason the way he did when he adopted him or making the same mistakes as with his first child. If he hadn't been so convinced that the wounded but brave boy from the Bowery, needed Robin, he might not have felt like he needed to fill his older brother's shoes and run away later. If he had made it to Ethiopia in time, to the warehouse, Jason wouldn’t have died. If Jason hadn't died, he wouldn't have fallen into the spiral of self-destruction that Tim had to save him from, and he wouldn’t have turned him into Robin. If he hadn't turned Tim into Robin, maybe his parents were still alive, maybe he would have had a normal and happy life. If Tim had a normal life, Jason wouldn’t have risen with so much hatred and resentment towards them and wouldn’t have tried to kill him. If he hadn’t "died" later, Tim wouldn’t have lost another person, nor fallen into the same self-destruction from which no one could save him now.

 If... If not...

 There were so many events that he could have changed, and others not. So many mistakes, so many things could have been better. Everything turned in his head and had harassed him for three days. His bad decisions, the possibilities, the memories, all of that filled him with guilt and uncertainty, blamed him that it didn’t matter how human he was, how much he felt, because his mistakes always had more weight and consequences in the people he loved, whatever he did.

He remembered the despair he felt while holding Jason's corpse, bloody and broken as the warehouse burned and collapsed around him. The fear that ran through him when he helped to trait Tim's wounds after Red Hood's beating him up at the Titans' tower too, knowing who had done it. He remembered the disappointment and pain that Jason's spiteful words provoked him when he was ready to kill the Joker. Also, the understanding of Tim's tears after his father's death.

 They were his sons. His sons. He felt and suffered more for them than for himself, and for the fact that because of his own crusade their lives have been so affected.

They had big hearts, unshakable will, and unmatched bravery. A potential within them that drove them to help others innately, to fight with everything they owned. It was that light, that ability, why they were Robin.

 However, that didn’t take away the fact that his field-acquired wounds, both emotional and physical, could affect them on a deeper level than they could think. Endangering themselves, the other, and the rest of them with that hidden relationship that was revealed three nights ago.

 Jason was the brave and fighting boy from the streets who decided to fight the crime he experienced firsthand. But the trauma related to the abuse, the streets, and his own death was still very entrenched inside him, shaping his decisions both inside and outside his vigilant life. The Lazarus Pit had made him violent and angry, a killer who lost control when one of his triggers of said trauma appeared, including the bats themselves. As much as he had improved his control, they still had no guarantee that the Pit Rage would appear at any time and become a threat for all of them again.

Tim, the sweet little Tim, was still the smart and kind boy who threw away all opportunity to live a normal wealthy child life to become an extraordinary hero, someone who cared for and saved people in a selfless and sacrificed way. But the experiences that came along with that decision were not as kind as he was, and while Tim gave his all, without contemplation, in exchange he lost family, friends and stability. Bruce was not stupid, he recognizes a severe depression when he saw it, and although no one knows what happened to his third child during the time he was lost in time -or what he had to do to get him out- it had to be bad enough for Timothy became the lifeless emotionless shadow which was now.

 “You’ve been years without knowing anything from us!” Jason said three nights ago.

 It wasn't true, but it wasn't false either. He couldn't deny it with the same force as Richard did, because as much as he would like to say that both of them were still integrated in the family, it wasn’t true. They hadn't been in a long time, and they couldn't run away from it.

For him, it was always easier to treat Jason as if he had been a fallen soldier in battle because doing it as the son he left to die was too painful, it kept shaking him to the depths of his existence, perhaps that was why he hadn’t been able to integrate him among them again, in addition to all the history resulting from those events. He couldn't ignore his morality and methods, destructive and totally different from his. Neither the numerous attempts to harm him or the rest of the family, especially Tim. There was the fact that Red Hood operated in Gotham apart from the Outlaws, yes, but they hardly worked together or cooperated. They had their territories very defined, but he could barely catch a glimpse of Red Hood without twisting things, neither Jason. He knew that sometimes he was in the cave or the manor, but he always made sure not to see him and not stay long unless it was necessary.

For his part, Timothy, after he returned from his "death" and accepted Damian as Robin, he adopted the Red Robin alias and seemed to disappear entirely. He claimed to be in favor of carving out his own name as a hero, but he was elusive, smart, and determined. He went to live alone, to work with the Titans or at WE. It didn’t matter how many calls they made, how many emergencies or meetings would be held. Tim barely stepped on the manor, he didn’t stop to talk about anything other than the vigilant job, and long periods passed without seeing him. He hid his wounds very carefully and his habits began to be dangerous for him. They knew enough to realize that he was trying too hard and something was going very wrong but reaching out to help him without scaring him in the process was hard, complicated.

 Maybe for all that and more, his sons didn’t trust him enough to reveal what was going on between them, that they were dating. He didn't blame them, he really deserved it, because he couldn't figure it out either. He also deserved they were angry with him and his opinion on the matter.

 They could get mad at him, hate him, or yell at him. But he really believed that he had reason to say that relationship was something that should be discussed or thought more carefully.

Relationships on the field were dangerous, he knew it personally, and he still remembered the discomfort that had plagued the team when Barbara and Dick broke up so many years ago, not to mention Tim and Stephanie too. And he also remembers the serious injuries Jason inflicted on Tim, how much Red Hood lost control around him, and how little Tim has always valued himself and his injuries.

 Jason's problems along with Timothy's emotional state were not a good combination at all. It wasn’t. It didn't matter how they looked at it, nor how many years will pass. Their story was too rough, there was too much torment, too much tension between them. They themselves were not in a position to have such a relationship with anyone, much less with the other. And if he already doubted the red team itself -despite its efficiency- he also couldn't help but doubt this.

 He couldn't leave them to destroy each other, he couldn't. He knew that was how it would end, and the simple possibility that it might happen made his cravings for control beg him to take the reins of everything again, to fix all this and do it now.

 However, he had already been too carried away by that feeling to know that it wasn’t a good idea to follow it. So, before he could do anything, he received a call. A call that lasted for hours, most of the night, where he got another perspective on the matter and helped him to decide and ask that favor from Barbara that he hadn't heard from yet.

 Despite knowing there would be no response yet, he couldn't help but check his phone again to make sure, eager to be able to do something about it instead of sitting for hours in that office evaluating and planning the best course of action.

 He was just going to think about that when a few firm touches on the window caught his attention, causing him to straighten and look at the window on his left suspiciously.

 Even though he had told him that he didn't need him to come, there he was, his call.

 Frowning, Bruce got up from his seat and went to the window to open it wide, looking at Clark Kent, who floated in front of him in his civilian clothes as if it were the most normal thing in Gotham in the middle of the afternoon.

Holding back a sigh, he opened the window and stepped aside to let him in, trying to decide what to say first.

 He was debating between a "What the hell are you doing here?" or "I specifically told you not to come here.” before the Super raised his hand and talked.

 “When was the last time you slept?” He asked, looking at him closely.

 Not even a "Hello, how are you?" before starting to enter the matter. It wasn’t necessary, they had already overcome that phase of their relationship for a long time. What's more, Clark didn't have to ask how he was doing, he already knew it, he knew it very well.

It had been him who had finished calling after the discussion in the cave with Tim and Jason because he knew that something happened to him only by his heartbeat. It's not like he could have hidden it from him, because not only would he have found out sooner or later, but because he already did, and he was his best friend, so he finished telling him everything. They talked too much, and the call lasted for hours, with both locked in their offices for more privacy and with Clark insisting on going to see him.

 He said there was no need, but he had ignored it, as always.

 “That’s not relevant.” He replied, frowning further.

 To Clark, that was the fragrant confirmation that -indeed- he hadn’t slept for three days. In his defense, Bruce would say he was too busy thinking about other things to allow himself a little rest. What's more, he wouldn't even have done it if he tried.

Every time he closed his eyes he listened to Tim's choked sobs and his weak voice begging him to leave them alone.

 Clark wasn't going to know that, but didn’t seem to like his answer at all, because he crossed his arms and looked at him the way he always did when he had no idea what to do with him.

 For a moment, Bruce had the slight hope that Clark would let him go, but it was Kent. So, when he grabbed his arm and dragged him onto the couch in the office to make him sit down with him, he wasn't even surprised. He just rolled his eyes and reminded himself that trying to fight Superman for this was not worth it, because he already knew the result, he had tried too many times. So, he ended up sitting next to him on the sofa and sighing heavily.

 “Sleep.” Clark said simply and shrugged. As if it were that easy.

 “I don't think it works that way, Kent.” He replied with a snort.

 Clark looked at him again disapprovingly a few seconds, then his annoyance softened, and his look turned into one of pure concern.

 “Rest, please.” He asked softly. “I know you, and I know there have been rough days, but it wouldn’t be better like this.”

 After a moment of silence, Bruce decided not to answer that and instead leaned on the sofa to look at the ceiling in silence, closing later his eyes and completely ignoring the tug on his chest that Clark's concern caused him.

That seemed to be an acceptable move for the Kryptonian, because then they were completely silent, together. Bruce could feel the warmth of the other's body, sitting too close. Also, how he tried not to move too much so as not to distract him or disturb his rest, which didn’t help much because he couldn’t rest by himself, but the effort was appreciated.

 He didn't keep track of how long they were quiet and just being aware of each other's presence, but Bruce found himself breaking that peace after a few minutes without even hesitate.

 “Why are you here?” He asked without changing his position.

 He felt Clark stir in his seat and his bluish gaze fixed on him.

 “I wanted to see how you were.” He replied directly. “Do I need something more to see you?”

 Again, he remained silent, that tug on his chest appearing again. However, unlike a few minutes ago, this time he opened his eyes and turned his head to look at him too, meeting his face closer to his than he had originally thought.

 He didn't look away, neither did Clark. They just looked at each other intently and waited for the other to say something. A tension already known between them leaked into the room.

 If someone had told Bruce years ago that Superman would be his most supportive person in his life, who he would trust the most, maybe he would have laughed, a lot. Now, he would have no choice but to agree and say thanks for it.

Because if it hadn't been for that call and those hours of conversation, things would have been much worse, and the situation would have only exploded after he had done something crazy. It was Clark who helped him see that it wasn’t necessary to carry the burdens of his mistakes alone, but that it was easier to do it together. It made it lighter. It was Clark who told him that even Superman made mistakes, everyone did, and the thing was learning to live with them and fix them after all, but don't let them dictate your life. And, above all, it was Clark who convinced him not to take hasty actions and try to clarify things with Tim and Jason without emotions clouding his judgment.

 It was Clark, it was always Clark. The one who managed to make him reason, the one who broke each and every one of his barriers with ease, the one who gave him hope, the one who saw beyond the calculating and calm façade he showed. Clark, always Clark.

 “My son was here yesterday.” The Super ended up saying in a whisper, they were close enough to hear it.

 “I know.” Bruce answered.

 He always knew when Jonathan showed up at the manor to visit Damian. This time he even thanked him, because he didn’t know the state of his younger son, but he did know that Superboy could cheer him up. As much as he broke Gotham's “no meta” rules and the limits set by his parents, he decided to let it be.

 “And you were okay with that?” Clark asked, more curious than annoyed.

 “Yes.”

 “Why?”

 “What do you think?”

 His answer made that tension, known but unsolvable, grow even more. Clark swallowed hard and Bruce didn't look away.

 The truth is that they would have had to be very blind not to have realized that their sons were in love for a long time and hopelessly they were going to end up together. After all, it was something that had been happening and developing in front of them since they made them team as children, and what they also had avoided talking at all cost.

 If Bruce at this time wasn't so worried about what had happened with Tim and Jason and how to solve it, maybe he could stop to think about how unfair he and Clark were being not wanting to recognize the feelings that their sons had on the other.

 They would like to; they would really like to. But admit that would openly lead to mention Conner's fixation with Timothy, which would lead to the conclusion of that, for some reason, always has existed a connection/fixing between the Supers and the Bats. And to admit this fixation would mean declaring that it really exists, along with that... Something, between them.

 There was something. Something between Bruce and Clark which didn’t want to admit, speak, or recognize. They've been ignoring it for years and had always worked like this, they had no reason to bring it to light, nor act on it. However, recognizing the situation of their sons not only will make it much more real, if not that -in some way- impossible.

That doesn't make sense because it was already impossible anyway. Clark was married to Lois, Bruce was dating Selina, they have been best friends since the League was founded, and their children were going to end up together, so there was no way they could... What?

 Do what? To say what?

 There was nothing to do, nothing to say. It wouldn't do any good because it was too late. No matter how much they tried to ignore it, it was something that hung over their heads and the moment it arrived they had to impose their sons' happiness on theirs, because that was how it worked, that’s what it meant to be a dad.

Although maybe that's why they didn't want to admit it, maybe that's why they tried to postpone all that until they could no longer, because they knew that the moment their children spoke for themselves, the decision of both of them was made, and it was like closing a door definitively that they had never dared to cross, but whose existence knew.

 But that wasn’t the important thing at the moment. The important thing was Tim, Jason, their relationship, making sure they were safe and secure, and waiting until Oracle managed to contact them in order to see them. But that was a matter of time, he just had to wait.

 So, ready for it, Bruce turned away from Clark, snorted wearily, settled back on the couch, and closed his eyes to get some sleep after three days without rest.

And if Clark's hand held his in the process, was something between them and no one else.

 ~0.0~

 When he woke up, he was alone.

 The office was dark, it was already night, the window was closed, and Bruce was lying on the couch.

There was no sign of Clark, but before thinking about how he had taken advantage of the fact that he had fallen asleep to accommodate him and leave without saying anything, he focused on the light of the flashing notification from his phone that he had been waiting all day.

 "Don’t thank me. Say hi to Hood before the patrol.” Barbara's text said.

 She had done it; she had granted his request and had been successful. Oracle had managed to locate the red team to take them to the Cave and sort things out. To have a conversation about it without surprises or threats, just leaving the cards on the table at once. There were situations and secrets in the family that could no longer be ignored more, and this was one of them.

 Bruce didn’t have time to be surprised that it was precisely Jason who agreed to attend that appointment, because he realized that he should head there. It was time to prepare for the patrol and it was better not to make anyone wait this time. He was determined to make his position clear and protect his sons, as necessary.

 He was halfway to the cave entrance when a loud sound made his world stop and a jolt of terror prick him.

 Bang!

 He breathed for a second, and then, recognizing the sound as a shot, he went through the entrance and down into the cave as fast as possible. Everything in a pure ingrained instinct that he had acquired after so many years in the crusade against crime, which tightened his muscles and contracted his bones.

 With his heart hammering hard and thousands of possibilities and explanations piercing his mind, when he arrived at the cave precisely the least expected received him.

 The vision of Dick Grayson, gun in hand, with Jason Todd bleeding out on the floor, made him realize that everything had gone too far.

 There was no longer a solution.

[hypexion]

A Pile of Fanwalkers (Part 3)

Part three of all these fanwalkers. Now it’s time for all the ones who are mean, and should not be trusted. Sometimes because they’ll stab you, and sometimes because they’re just... kind of massively evil.

The basic format for each planeswalker will be a Name/Colour Identity/Pre-Ignition Typeline/Homeplane blob of information, a quickish description of them and some “fun“ facts, and then some hits and misses for extra flavour. Also, I’m going to split this into three posts - “Heroic“, “Okay“ and “Villians“, for I believe I have the moral authority to judge my creations.

Also some of these are going to be from fanplanes, which will go undescribed beyond whatever tidbits come out the character flavour. Others will just have a ?, representing a lack of knowledge and/or sufficent worldbuilding. With that out of the way, let’s go!

Villians

Evil is not a state of being. It is a form of intent, and a form of action. Some of these Planeswalkers can be trusted. Some of them may even appear to be nice. But make no mistake. They have caused suffering. They have altered lives for the worse. Either by design or consequence, their effect upon the multiverse marks them as villians.

Aster - B, Human Warlock, Zodyas - Aster was born under the influence of a bad star, which granted him the ability to draw power from negative emotions. But don’t think that makes him a bad person. Aster’s powers do not compel him to perform evil deeds. They simply enable him. Motivated by nothing greater than his own self-interest, Aster is the truest example of a disaster with a point of view. He was, while it lasted, a member of the Infinite Consortium. After Tezzeret forget how to run it, Aster managed to… convince a number of cells to accept his leadership. While lacking a grand plan for his splinter group, he’s interested in expansion, if only for the sake of increasing his own personal power. Aster may possess a certain kind of charm, and some level of restraint when compared to other ‘walkers, but do not be decieved. The moment harming you becomes worth the effort, Aster will be ready to do so.

Aster is often described as being pale of skin and dark of hair. There’s some weird magic causing that, since different cultures usually focus on different things when describing others. Aster prefers to dress in the fashions of power, whether that happens to be expensive robes, hand-tailored suits, togas or other such clothing. He preferes to wear darker colours, but if opulence is the style of a plane’s elite, then opulent he shall be. While he does carry a mean looking dagger, his primary form of defense are his so-called attendants - humanoid shades he commands via magic. These can perform many tasks, such as “fetch me more wine“, “open that door“ and “kill them“. When Aster planeswalks, he dissipates into a fine black mist. Interestingly, if he’s thinking about planeswalking, his magic generates a similar mist, that trails from him as he moves.

Hits: Power, influcence, tormenting his enemies, using people’s guilt to literally physically crush them. Misses: The undead, constructs, Loxy, Constellation Cults trying to recruit him, being around Ashiok for too long.

Galina - WB, Human Advisor, Ithmorne - In her early life, Galina leaned much more towards the White aspects of her personality. Even as a member of the Zoriac Imperium, she valued their goal of peace greatly, and was one of those that saw certain practices as a detriment to that goal. However, this did not last. When the outpost she was in was raided, everything changed. The ignition of her spark saved her life, but not her right eye. Fortunately for her, Galina arrived on Ravnica within dragging distance of a Simic emergency care clinic, where it was assumed she was an Azorius member who had suffered a run in with the Gruul. This was a role she was happy to take up for real, once the chance provided itself, seeing the Senate as an obvious parallel for the Imperium of her homeplane. In fact, Ravnica seemed to have many similarities with Ithmorne. This could only be due to the work of Azor, the great Sphinx who had brought peace to her warring plane so long ago, and whose Compact still enforced it now. Galina soon realised that her ability to traverse the multiverse would allow her to find more worlds ‘saved’ by Azor, and in turn learn more from them. Ultimately, she decided, those factions on Ithmorne too small to be affected be the Compact would be forced into co-operating. And if not? Then they would perish. Such would be the price of peace. The process had already begun, Galina believed, and if accelerating the pace was necessary, it would be done.

Galina has white skin and long brown hair. Additionally, the events that led to her ignition left her with a noticeable scar, running from her temple, across her right eye, to halfway down her right cheek. Many wonder how her right eye survived such a wound, and the truth is that it didn’t. Instead, she had it replaced by the Simic while on Ravnica. Galina generally wears the standard uniform for those in her position in the Zoriac Imperium - navy blue military robes, kept in the best condition possible. Rather than carry a weapon, Galina relies on her mastery of law magic, using it bind and impede her enemies. She is also capable of many of the standard black mana abilities, especially those which weaken her foes. When combined, these make her a formidable, and potentially deadly opponent. Galina’s planeswalking effect is a jagged and chaotic burst of darkness, which can cause minor damage to living things that nearby.

Hits: Peace through power, Azor, law and order, her own take on the concept of justice, Simic biomagic. Misses: “Barbarians“, insubordination, traumatic memories.

Malius - UBR, Human Wizard, Innistrad - In every profession, there are those that push boundaries. They look at the rules, and wonder which are truly needed. These are the kind of people the majority of Innistrad distrusts. And in the case of the stitcher pariah Malius, they are completely right to do so. While his fellow skaberen found his “wolf with werewolf arms“ experiment a daring new idea, even they had limits. Rumors began that he had started to use demons as a source of parts, and that he consorted with diabolists for unknown purposes. These rumors contained some truth - Malius was interested in demons and had, for a time, used them to “improve” his creations. But over time, he had become interested in the nature of demonic pacts, and how one might acquire the benefits without having to pay the price. Somehow, he was able to construct a device that extracted the source of a demon’s power, and began using it to infuse himself with dark power. For a time, not demon, nor mob, nor torch-wielding monstrosity could stop him. The destruction of the Helvault was an opportunity to Malius, bring him yet more specimins. Everything was going well, until an angel arrived. She cut through his creations, and had both the strength and motivation to kill Malius. In an act of desparation, he activated the extractor, aiming it at the angel. She exploded (don’t worry - she got better (sort of)). This would have been incredibly fatal to Malius had his Spark not ignited, sending him across the Blind Eternities to Zendikar. And so, he soon discovered all sorts of new things to stitch. Including Eldrazi. In fact, Malius was straight-up ecstatic during the events of Eldritch Moon.

Malius’ various experiments have left him with sickly, pallid skin, and pale white hair. His eyes no longer appear human, and those who spend time around him soon feel uneasy. Malius wears the standard dress of the stitcher, a white labcoat, brimming with tools and notebooks. Malius often manipulates his tools via telekinesis, either to work upon a new creation, or as a method of attack. In dire situations, he calls upon the demonic powers he has infused himself with, physically taking on the form of a demon. This grants him signifigance strength, speed and endurance while it lasts, but prevents him from planeswalking, making it as risky as it is useful. When Malius planeswalkers, he disappears in cloud of dark and burning ash, crackling with lightning. This occurs even when he cannot actually planeswalk due to being a demon.

Hits: Extracting demonic power, demonic infusions, terrifying creations. Misses: Angels, torch-weilding mobs, basic medical ethics.

Skath - WBG, Naga Assassin, Orpheri - At first glance, Skath is like any other planeswalker assassin you might meet. She kills people for money, and she does it well. However, she is still a member of the organisation that trained her, a religious order of assassins on Orpheri. So Skath will not kill those standing on sacred grond, those not old enough to be an adult of their kind, and she requires more than just a payment before targetting a diplomat or member of a religious order. Beyond the rules of her faith, however, Skath kills without hesitation, selling death for gold and jewels. When not killing, she is surprisingly thoughtful, a writer of poetry and cultivator of interesting plants. And while unrepentant, she not always unrelenting. Put up enought of a fight, or simple hide in a shrine for a few days, and Skath will move onto easier targets.

Skath has copper-brown scales, and no hair, because Naga don’t have hair on Orpheri. She wears light armor on her torso, which is engraved with protective magic. Her favoured weapons are two scimitars, enchanted to deliver venomous strikes. She also carries a dagger, and a number of poisons, so that she might have the perfect tool for any assassination. In a pinch, she can bite someone, however the Naga Assassins of Orpheri consider this an act of last resort. Mainly because once you identify the cause of death as Naga venom, finding the killer is fairly simple. Skath planeswalks with a flash of pale orange light, leaving behind traces of sand. Interestingly, she is capable of being incredibly precise with her appearance on a plane, and has sometimes managed to planeswalk into a room based on it’s relative position to a know location.

Hits: Getting paid, botany, the statisfaction of a job well done. Misses: Cold places, oath-breakers, Locke, people attacking her from sacred ground (this is actually a bad idea - her religion sees this as an act of desecration, meaning you ultimately forfeit the protection provided).

Look at all these not nice people. It’s probably best to keep a distance between you and them. Of course, their motivations differ greatly, so if you were to find yourself in close proximity to them, you might be able to avoid getting stabbed. Or worse.

[silyabeeodess]

Kuroshitsuji Chapter 129 Analysis: Gaging the Morality and Possible Lack of Self of R!Ciel

Now that we've got the twins, many recent posts within the Kuro fandom have debated whether or not R!Ciel can be classified as the "evil twin," following the event of Agni's death and in comparison with O!Ciel.  While it is possible to generalize him as such and it is most likely that he was one of the two killers that had attempted to murder Soma and killed Agni, it also opens up a lot of questions in how we might interpret his behavior and why he is the way he is. 

For now, let us start with the most recent chapter and the true introduction to R!Ciel's character.  As O!Ciel and Sebastian enter the manor, we find that R!Ciel is already inside and has already interacted with the other servants: Finnie, Meyrin, and Baldroy.  He greets his brother calmly, and even shows concern regarding O!Ciel possibly suffering from his illness as a result of being out in the rain knowing the latter's weak constitution.  He also tells O!Ciel that, "There is no need to worry anymore.  I will never leave your side again."    

Based on this, if we don't assume he's faking, we can interpret that he truly does care for O!Ciel, his brother.  There's no telling how much he knows as of yet in regards to what Ciel has been doing over the past three years, but he's not surprised and doesn't seem to care if he does know that O!Ciel has been posing as him.  He's acting almost as if everything is perfectly normal.

So what constitutes as 'normal' for R!Ciel?  First off, the obvious: He loves his brother.  If we reflect on R!Ciel's appearances throughout the manga prior to his reveal in this chapter, O!Ciel has always depicted him as this protective, comforting figure that he was always able to turn to.  During the Green Witch Arc when he was suffering and basically trapped within the confines of his own mind, it was his twin--out of all people--that he envisioned being there to console him beyond the guilt O!Ciel carries as a result of the other being sacrificed.  Now, while we can't fully trust those flashbacks due to the possibility of O!Ciel placing his brother in high regard as a result of familial love and as a result of his fragile state of mind, Chapter 129 would also support that R!Ciel is more of the protecting, loving sort where it concerns O!Ciel.     

Now, stepping into the Phantomhive manor, R!Ciel shouldn't have had any idea who Meyrin, Finnie, and Baldroy were as only Tanaka was among the original staff before the attack on the Phantomhives.  However,��based on the fact that the three had no idea about the case of their being twins until the very end of the chapter, R!Ciel just accepted the fact that they were there and already knew who he was.  If he knew about O!Ciel posing as him, that just makes it worse, because then that means he purposefully led them to believe he was O!Ciel instead of explaining things to them before O!Ciel's arrival to the manor.  Why is this important?  Because he's the aristocrat: They're the servants.  As Tanaka had said during Book of Murder, "The head of the Phantomhive household should not be shaken by something as trivial as the death of a servant.  I never once saw the master lose his composure due to such trifles."  Now, we're talking about a human life here.  Being called "trivial" and "a trifle."  On top of that, they're servants of a dangerous family--always left at the risk of getting killed and being replaced.  This is how R!Ciel views Finnie, Meyrin, and Baldroy: Another trio of replacements for their last batch of servants.  Their presence is just something he accepts as a grim result of the attack.  This shuffle is normal to him.

Take that note to how the Victorian society placed a strong focus on social class, and it gets worse.  Even well into the Edwardian period following the Victorians, your class dictated your education, your social behavior, the places you were to go, the people you were to spend time with, and everything in-between.  For example, on the Titanic, its maiden voyage was celebrated by allowing 2nd class passengers to get a taste of the luxury of 1st class passengers by allowing them within certain areas of the ship for a short while that would normally have been excluded to them.  3rd class passengers were not allowed in these areas and the differences between the three of them were striking.  There was an African-American family on board that, while having enough money to purchase a 1st class room, was only allowed to purchase a 2nd class room because of their heritage--which leads me to my second point of what I'm about to say later.  Victorians, as a result of international colonization, also strictly differentiated each other by culture and heritage: They actually tried to come up with studies that dictated how human a human being was based on where they came from.  The elites of this era always tended to try to dehumanize others globally and among their own society.  They were elitists. 

R!Ciel shows strong hints of following that elitist mindset--in part, because he's a Phantomhive and then also because he's an aristocrat.  It's strongly hinted that he views himself as being better, or more human, than the Phantomhive servants--as well as with Soma and Agni due to their being from India.  That's why, if that's him from the previous chapter (which it's a guarantee, I just don't want to call it that since we didn't actually see a face) he says to Soma, "Don't you presume to touch me."  Soma may be a prince, Soma might've been living at the townhouse, but Soma's a stranger and is Indian to R!Ciel, and the latter doesn't view him as an equal.  He doesn't seem to be affected and even smiles when he's called out as an imposter, but he glares at Finnie when Finnie speaks up.  Because Finnie is a servant, who in his mind shouldn't have a place to voice himself: He just works there and should know his place. 

O!Ciel is a brat, but even so he treats the servants more like his family.  He tries to help Soma and protected Agni's identity when he could've just thrown him to the Yard.  He spares Sullivan instead of killing her and trusts her enough to be his ally while helping her in London--all while making sure the Queen doesn't get that deadly gas she has the ability to create despite it giving him more work and leaving him to be forced to rely on her faith and good nature.  He let Snake into his house, just the other servants, despite the attempt on his life and the possibility of Snake finding out the truth--because then Snake would really have to die.  He could've had Sebastian kill Doll right as soon as she showed up, but he didn't give the order until she attacked.  He's an Evil Noblemen and will sacrifice innocent people, but more often than not he does what he can to avoid it and he doesn't judge others solely by their origins.  The only time he's ever really killed someone for the sake of destruction was when he killed the children in Book of Circus--and I personally largely blame that on PTSD rather than an actual judgment call of "yeah, they couldn't be saved" made with complete sanity because he wasn't in his right mind at that moment and he himself is a living example of moving forward beyond tragedy, whether he believes it or not.   

"We're strangers, so of course we're different.  What is there to be ashamed of?  In any case, I'm free to choose my companions." --Ciel to Snake, in Chapter 52

R!Ciel though... He might take to the title of an Evil Noble far more than his brother.  He doesn't have to force people away, because it doesn't seem like he cares for them anyway.  He cares for O!Ciel because their aristocrats and their family.  If we take it that R!Ciel was also the one who said "I don't need any fake brothers," in the chapter Yana Toboso created in the second fan doujinshi, we can also assume that he likely even views other aristocrats as being less than him--highly possible considering the Phantomhive family's strong ties to the Queen and the amount of betrayal among the elites. (Who could you trust?)

This elitist mindset, this idea of "I must look after my brother," and the numbness to the deaths of others and the willingness to kill should be perfectly normal for a member of a family of Evil Nobles.  It fits well with R!Ciel's character, because this is what he probably grew up being taught to believe and act upon.  "I'm likely going to take up the work of a dangerous family that is involved in horrible things. Tragedy is going to happen both ways: Better get used to it."   He also fits well for the mantra of advice that the Undertaker claims to have been telling each generation of Phantomhives:

 "Even though I told him to hold each and every soul dear.  Because you hold great power you gradually fail to understand the importance of things that cannot be recovered.  You will realize that once it's too late.  How many times have I told you and others the same warning?" --Undertaker, Chapter 35      

The problem is, R!Ciel clearly has not learned that lesson yet. Granted, Undertaker is a hypocrite, but he basically is saying to cherish life.  R!Ciel shows no signs of doing that beyond a select few.  And that's jarring for multiple reasons: One because it reflects on the kind of person he was prior to his being sacrificed, and two because it can also reflect on the fact that he isn't human anymore.  What would he care about the precious fragility of life if either A.) He doesn't even have a soul to guide him and is truly just another puppet like all of the other Bizarre Dolls, or B.) Undertaker did by some miracle manage to save his soul, but he was revived anyway so what could it matter?  He's alive and so is O!Ciel.  I prefer A, however, because B would allude to him not caring for his parent's deaths either. 

Going off all of that... Let's get back to talking about how R!Ciel greets O!Ciel.  There's no talk of the tragedy or of their loss.  There's no warm, cherishing reunion of "I'm alive!  I'm alive and I'm here for you: I'm so glad you're alive!  Demon, get the heck out before I shoot a harpoon through your face: You're not touching the little cinnabon muffin that is my twin!"  Instead, it's just, "Oh, your back!  Welcome home!  You shouldn't be the rain," as if nothing that they went through happened.  A normal person does not act this way.  There should be emotion.  There should be an acknowledgment of what happened.  There isn't.  R!Ciel treats the situation as business as usual.

This hints very well to the fact that R!Ciel isn't human anymore and likely doesn't have a soul.  He's more like Agares, and is just another mindless doll under Undertaker's command.  You can't fake humanity.  You can try to recreate a person, but once they're gone, that's it.  Even if you cloned them perfectly, or saved the body, with a copy of their memories, it's just as Undertaker said: There's only one immortal soul.  One of them in the entire world.  Without it, everything else is just parts of a machine.  R!Ciel, this doll, remembers how it used to be before his death, and clings to that: It doesn't have the power to learn and change its morals beyond that.  (And I'm calling R!Ciel an 'it' now because of the high chances that 'it' is no longer a person.)  Really, it probably doesn't have any true essence of freewill.  If there's any actions done on its own accord, it's because it knows was the true R!Ciel would do and acts on that, or else what Undertaker--and maybe even O!Ciel--would want for it to do. 

I'm going to bring up the anime just for the sake of comparison: Drocell/Drossel Keinz.  Drocell was the anime equivalent of the Bizarre Dolls before they showed up.  The difference was though was that he didn't need to directly be fed commands as the others need.  Both of the Bizarre Dolls on the Campania and at Weston, while gradually being advanced, had to be basically kept on a leash whenever Undertaker didn't want them to go after a soul.  They knew some part of them was missing.  The first batch were like mindless beasts.  The second batch could talk so long as Undertaker fed them them right words, or they repeated words that their former selves would say and still attacked without otherwise being restrained.  This time, however, R!Ciel is likely a doll like Drocell, convinced that it's human and it's alive.  That it has a soul.    

"To think all this time I thought I was human." --Drocell, Kuroshitsuji anime

Unless Undertaker actually thinks he's giving O!Ciel more than just a walking, empty corpse, unless he's lost his sanity that badly due to his pain, returning R!Ciel like this... I can barely even begin to imagine how tortured and torn a person--O!Ciel--would be over that.  That a doll, a figment of someone you once cherished, could look and act exactly like the person you lost without ever being more than a husk.  Seeing that, knowing that it's a problem, and being faced with a sudden choice: "Do I accept this even though this isn't real or do I kill this lookalike? Do I destroy the one essence left of someone I cared about, or do I let this continue for my emotional benefit?"  People grieve after a loss and then they move on.  They heal.  Bringing R!Ciel back like this does not allow that for O!Ciel, Lizzie, or Undertaker. I don't know what is going through Undertaker's head right now, but this is the beginning of a downhill spiral of pain and misery...                        

[turnsoutnoonewasexaggerating]

Part 10 of The Sam Diaries

Read on Ao3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10507836/chapters/26844759

There’s a moment in which sick pleasure distorts Eunoia’s face into something alien and cruel and then it crumples and tears are flowing down her cheeks faster than bullets from a gun.

“Fuck Sam I’m sorry.” She crouches next to him and reaches for his face with shaking hands. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Sam covers her hands with his after a second of hesitation and she leans forward until their foreheads are touching and they’re breathing the same air. “I didn’t mean it and I shouldn’t have said it.” He strokes her hands with his thumbs and her shoulders shudder in a sob.

“It’s ok.” He whispers back and she clutches his face tighter.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do? Why did they tell me?” Eunoia asks desperately, but Sam doesn’t have the answers. “They’re still gone. They’re still fucking gone.”

“But now you know they didn’t choose to leave you.” Sam replies quietly. Eunoia’s eyes flash and she stands back up, offering a hand to help him up but ignoring his words. He follows along with her as she leaves the shop, locking the door behind her but thankfully not letting go of his hand. It’s silent back to their apartment and Sam doesn’t interrupt it because he can tell she’s thinking. Once they’re inside though Sam is fit to burst.

“Baby, please, we need to talk about this.” He tries gently. She goes into their kitchen and sticks the kettle on, like there’s nothing abnormal about the day at all. She gets out their mugs and sets them down, putting instant coffee powder in one and hot chocolate in the other, but for once doesn’t tease him about how his drink is childish. She doesn’t get out the marshmallows either, which Sam always thinks is a shame.

“I need to talk about this, you mean.” Eunoia cracks eventually, barely audible over the sound of the boiling water. Sam doesn’t know what to say but luckily Eunoia seems to be on a roll. She clutches the counter with both hands as if it’s the only thing holding her up, but there’s a rigid line to her spine that Sam doesn’t like. “Here are my options, Sam. Either their completely ludicrous story is a lie in which case there are two people I considered friends who are actually absolute assholes who we know have connections in some shady shit, or, their story is true, my parents lied to me for the whole of my childhood, my uncle was- Is? Some kind of mobster who worked for one of the most notorious serial killers of our time and my friend’s mobster uncle murdered my parents to save my friend. Have I got that story about right?”

“I know it sounds crazy Eunoia. We’re not from whatever messed up black market spy movie world Neil is living in. But…” Sam sighs, unsure of how to put it into words and Eunoia laughs without humour, her hair falling down to conceal her face from view.

“Yeah. But.” She agrees. She stills, and Sam’s heartbeat picks up in some instinctual panic. “FBI agents… Does that mean I was just part of their cover? Did they even love each other? Did they even want me?”

Without a word Sam steps up and wraps his arms around her, crushing her arms to her sides but leaving her enough room that she could push him away if she wanted to. She doesn’t, but she doesn’t relax into the hug either. “Don’t say that.” Sam says roughly, his words muffled into her hair. “Don’t ever believe that. We’ll probably never know the full truth behind your parents’ relationship, but don’t ever believe they didn’t want you. There is not a person capable of not wanting you. You are brilliant and they loved you.”

“How do you know that? You never met them.” She asks, voice choked and breaking in the middle from supressing the tears he can feel are slowly starting to soak his shirt.

“I know you.” Sam whispers. “That’s more than enough.”

  “Jesus fucking Christ get it together Josten.” Andrew pauses outside the door to the bedroom, trying to decide if the panic in Neil’s voice is actually-having-a-panic-attack panic or just run-of-the-mill-exam-season-pressure panic. Before he’s made his decision, and therefore decided whether to help Neil or pretend for Neil’s dignity that he didn’t hear this latest breakdown over his Math final, Neil speaks again. “Andrew’s leaving in three months and he can’t catch a fucking flight every time you get slightly upset.”

Andrew stills. Real panic then.

He toes the door open and it’s a testament to how panicked Neil actually is that he doesn’t notice his audience. Neil is curled up in a corner of the room, knees pulled to his chest and forehead resting on the top of them, trying to suck in deep breaths. Andrew can’t speak through the thing in his chest that appears when he notices Neil’s got a hand to the back of his own neck, imitating Andrew’s grounding touch.

“Mum’s not here and you’re not fine but you’re allowed to be-” He chokes, running out of air, his panic rising. “You’re allowed to be not fin-” He tries again but he can’t do it, his breath coming in short, hopeless gasps.

Andrew stalks across the room, noting that on top of his panic Neil looks pale, and he’s sweating more the room’s temperature induces. He knocks Neil’s hand off his neck with practiced ease as he sinks to Neil’s eye level and replaces the hand with his own. Neil’s head snaps up to meet his eyes and all his breath leaves him in a whoosh.

“Andrew.” He croaks, and Andrew grabs one of his hands and puts it on his own chest, allowing Neil to try and mimic his breathing. Neil does so after a long moment, but his eyes are still wild. “I’m fine. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine-”

“Neil shut up.” Andrew interrupts, his jaw twitching as he tries to work out what’s triggered this latest panic. Even though Neil’s managed to calm down somewhat, none of the colour is coming back into his cheeks. “Are you sick?” He demands, gaze trying to diagnose him. Neil shakes his head vehemently, his heartrate picking up again.

“I’m-”

“If you say ‘fine’ I will stab you.” Andrew threatens and Neil’s jaw clamps shut with a snap. “You have a fever.”

“I can’t.” Neil garbles, the words barely intelligible as Andrew’s hand on his neck tightens slightly.

“What do you mean you can’t? You can’t stop yourself from being sick.” Neil’s eyes swim with determination.

“Yes I can. I have to be fine.”

“Why?” Andrew pushes, certain he’s not going to like the answer.

“I have to.” Neil says, less certainly, awareness slowly coming back into his eyes. “It was only a rib.” Andrew doesn’t like being confused.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Last time I got sick. She only broke a rib.” Neil answers, his voice a whisper now.

There’s a moment, and then the low thrumming rage that is always waiting in Andrew’s stomach boils over and reaches his fists in record time. The wall doesn’t look much like it appreciates its latest decoration, but Andrew still thinks the caved in drywall round his hand looks better than the stupid fucking fairy lights Nicky keeps buying. “If she was alive, I would break her neck myself.” Andrew says roughly, knowing that Neil isn’t going to like his response but needing him to know it anyway.

For some reason, most probably the fever that Andrew now recognises has made Neil slightly delirious, Neil smiles a little bitterly at his answer instead. “I’d send Renee. I think mum could’ve taken you.” Andrew doesn’t really know what to say to that so he doesn’t say anything, even though the insinuation that he couldn’t protect Neil rankles.

“We’re going to Abby’s.” He decides instead, wanting to get Neil some medical attention before whatever hazy grip he’s got on reality is lost again.

Sam had managed to coax Eunoia into getting into bed eventually. They usually stayed close together in the bed, but tonight they were completely entangled, arms and legs a confusing mass of limbs. Eunoia was still shaking when she finally drifted off to an uneasy sleep, and when she startled awake only an hour later her head knocked into Sam’s chin hard enough to make his teeth rattle.

“Sorry banana.” Eunoia says hoarsely. She pulls her arms away from his middle. “I need to go get some water.” Sam makes a sleepy noise of agreement and allows Eunoia to get out of the bed and make her way to the kitchen. He watches the clock tick by as he waits for her to come back.

The sound of smashing glass reaches him first.

“Eunoia?” He asks, concerned, brain wired with today’s events of murder and spies and instantly coming to terrible conclusions. He swings his way out of the doorframe to find Eunoia looking blankly at a photo-frame, smashed on the floor by her feet, her hair done up tight into a ponytail. “Are you alright? We need to get the vacuum-” Eunoia reaches blindly for the next photo-frame on the mantelpiece and sends it smashing down on top of the first one.

“They lied to me.” Eunoia says dispassionately, not even seeming to notice Sam was there.

“Eunoia, please, stop.” Sam pleads, beginning to panic. She doesn’t react, reaching for the next photo-frame, photos he realises that all feature her parents. He comes closer but he’s not fast enough to stop her dropping it, and he flinches back as the glass sprays everywhere. There are a few thin red lines scratched across her feet.

Sam grabs her wrist before she can throw the fourth one and she tries to pull away from him, letting out a wordless shriek of rage. She struggles enough that Sam’s worried he’s going to dislocate her wrist, but equally afraid of her falling back onto the glass if he lets go.

“Let go of me! LET GO OF ME!”

“Stop!” He wraps a leg around her knees and trips her off her feet, controlling her fall to the ground and then crouching down after her. He pries the frame out of her hand, sets it down and then grabs her other wrist as she lashes out. “Please, stop!” Her palms push flat against his chest and she shoves at him weakly a few times before breaking down, completely and utterly. The two of them kneel together on a floor of smashed glass, and Sam ignores the way it cuts through his pyjama trousers and hopes that he’s enough to stop Eunoia breaking into the same amount of pieces.

�Y,��R_'��

[jolteonjordansh]

Thoughts on The Digital World Arc

Well, I at least only have one college class left on my to-do list, making writing and gushing about Digimon a lot easier than it would have been in the last three weeks. Nevertheless, I should have tackled this much earlier and I have (as always) been putting it off for long enough. Let’s talk about the biggest arc that Digimon Tamers has to offer below the break, because oh boy, there is a lot to talk about.

With the Digimon Tamers cast moving into a whole new environment along with new focal characters like Jeri, her partner Leomon, Kazu and Kenta as well as the introduction of new characters and substantial development of older ones, there is so much to discuss about the Digital World arc that I almost have no idea where to start. But we can make that easy by starting from... well, where else but the start? And while I will definitely say the Digital World arc is a strong arc with strong moments, I would definitely not say it starts off the strongest. To be blunt, it starts off a little awkward and has some slow moments and it does have to take some time to not only establish new characters but establish the new world. For me personally, it by no means ever got bad, but I could completely understand why some people don’t like or even hate Kazu and Kenta as tagalongs, and I’d be lying if I were to deny most of their purpose is to be the comic relief. 

Let me cover most of the “new” characters first before talking about specific episodes and moments. Kazu and Kenta, while definitely being distracting at times, I never really hated. They were never knee-slappingly hilarious, but I never found them obnoxious. They do add some sense of normalcy to the group and did sort of help stabilize things in a group of Tamers, eventually becoming Tamers themselves. Kazu ends up with Guardromon who isn’t particularly interesting, though I do like that he is kind of funny and has whistling Bullet Bills for attacks. He’s quirky enough to fit someone as confident and fun-loving as Kazu. Kenta doesn’t get his partner until the very end of the arc so I won’t get into that just yet, but Kenta is among the most normal yet the one I like the most of the duo--simple yet funny... sometimes anyway. Jeri is someone I should also talk about but I’m only going to go into very specific moments in this post and only talk about her character in-full in the post of my thoughts on the last arc. But to talk about the all-new character Ryo... I’m gonna need a new paragraph.

To say Ryo is complicated is a huge understatement. He was technically present in Digimon Adventure 02, but I could go on about how much of a mess Adventure 02 is plot-wise all day. The Japan-exclusive Digimon WonderSwan games only make this more complicated, and even then there’s no real connection made back to the Adventure universe with this (despite Battle of Adventurers doing this). If these materials didn’t exist, I would just say this Ryo is not the one from the WonderSwan games and is his own guy, but this isn’t the case and because of this his whole existence is extremely weird. Supposedly in the Tamers universe, he’s basically the best Digimon player ever and went missing for some time--being trapped in the Digital World--which makes him a huge idol for Kazu and Kenta (and thus a big running joke). 

But his presence is still very... spaced out, and said presence really doesn’t bring much to the table other than Rika hating his guts. Random excuses will come up for him to leave like his Cyberdramon running off to chase “his enemy” like an upset puppy, so if he comes across as shoehorned... that’s because he is, as his whole involvement in the show was a case of executive meddling. Just by his presence and only really use as being a sort of back-up I can tell the writers wanted as little to do with the character as possible. And considering he’s about as interesting as XY!Ash Ketchum, I’m glad that they barely bothered with him. He’s very much a sort of Digimon Marty Stu character, and it bothers me because from what I read about the WonderSwan games, they do try some interesting things. They just should have never put him in this show because he clearly doesn’t belong here, and the writers made no attempt to make him feel that way.

But if Ryo is pretty much the worst thing about Digimon Tamers and is mostly bad by just being plain and shoehorned into the story, I don’t think that’s really so bad or terrible considering how much worse it could have been. Though the fact that his introduction episode title in the dub is named “Blame it on Ryo” is pretty hilarious in hindsight. A couple of the first few episodes in this arc are odd too, with Kazu and Kenta teaming up with a Jijimon and Babamon, a killer motorcycle attacking a village and some Gekomon having to constantly brew saké to keep an Orochimon drunk (obviously not kept in the dub). But despite this, there are small interesting complexities lying throughout some of these episodes. There’s little bits like how the motorcycle is compared to “The Red Shoes” fairytale (a pretty dark fairytale at that) and Jeri being confident dealing with Orochimon when kidnapped by him because she claims she’s “dealt with drunks before” does give a bit of insight that her life at home might not exactly be so nice. This is also around the time where Beelzemon gets introduced, who is Impmon having basically made a deal with the devil with one of the Devas (Caturamon) to achieve Digivolution.

The search for Calumon also becomes a sort of running fetch quest mixed with a game of Hot Potato (if that makes sense), which does make the pace feel a little slow as well, but it’s nowhere near as bothersome as Digimon Adventure’s search for the very obvious Eighth Child, Kari--being more of a running series of unfortunate events rather than a stream of people’s stupidity. During this however, Henry, Terriermon and Takato get separated from the rest of the group, leaving Guilmon and Takato distressed for each other as they become torn apart. But at the same time, this develops an inner conflict with Takato as he discovers Guilmon’s origins.

Things also get a tad muddy here plot-wise, and I’m not sure if it was a change of plot as the writers went on or something they changed very early on. Shibumi, the last missing member of the Wild Bunch, appears in the Digital World. He’s somehow here due to being in a coma, and I guess it’s because he’s technically attached to a machine that he’s essentially there in a spiritual way, but it’s still pretty odd. Apparently, he was originally going to die at the end of the Devas arc, but this never happened (and was replaced with that odd pseudo-ending I mentioned in the last post) and he’s instead put here. When Takato and Henry get to meet him here, they learn about the DigiGnomes that have been occasionally appearing in the arc. They’re digital data like Digimon, but just... not Digimon I guess. But these guys are capable of granting wishes, which in turn was how Guilmon was created--through Takato’s wish and a collection of data put together.

This is where I admittedly got confused and it took a while for the whole concept to sink in for me. Takato is borderline devastated by this, learning that Guilmon is more or less just data. In my mind, this confused me because my mind process was along the lines of: “Well, DUH he’s data. He’s a DIGImon. DIGITAL monster.” But I guess I wasn’t quite thinking of this through a kid’s perspective. For Takato, Guilmon is truly real, like a fantasy he imagined having become real in a way that a lot of kids look at their toys and wish they were real--we’ve all done it, and we’ve all seen shows where it actually happens. When Takato learns that Guilmon was simply formed out of data rather than magic however, it’s a mental shock for him. Guilmon is potentially no longer unique in his eyes in the same way you could write a program, but it can easily be replicated and has nothing to distinguish it afterwards. It’s not anything like how no human being or animal is alike no matter how similar the genes may be.

Before I go into probably the biggest and most important parts of this arc, I want to discuss a couple of other things. First, some of the involvement of side characters and others like the Devas. Takato is able to communicate with Yamaki from the Digital World with a device he gives him, but only during certain grace periods. I really like how Yamaki becomes far more of an ally and manages to get over his extremism from the first two arcs--it does make him a sort of enigmatic badass who is out to help for some form of redemption for his own mistakes. Henry’s dad also starts to become more involved here too and is also a pretty cool smart guy (being voiced by Jamieson Price in the dub is also a plus). But around the time we start seeing these two together a bit more, things start to get a little weird and sudden.

Out of nowhere, the writers decide to drag Henry's younger sister Suzie into the Digital World and give her a Digimon partner. In fact, they give her a Deva of all things: the rabbit Deva Antylamon who, after becoming Suzie's partner, de-Digivolves to Lopmon. Supposedly from what I understand, Suzie was never meant to be a Tamer and “The Biggest Dreamer” opening animation is to blame by mistakenly showing Suzie holding a Digivice. By the time this error was noticed, it was already too late, so the writers had to work with forcing her into the story. I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel somewhat forced in how she sort of inexplicably gets dragged into the Digital World on top of befriending a Deva, but to be fair Antylamon is shown to be the most gentle of the Devas and it does lead to a kind of funny episode as the two befriend each other. Plus, Lopmon ended up working rather well for Suzie considering her affinity for Terriermon in the first place. For something they did have to force, Suzie still works out miles over the hamfisted Ryo.

Unfortunately for the Devas, I do have to say they are downplayed in this. This isn't necessarily bad, but considering how huge of a role they played in their own arc, it's pretty sad to see most of them treated as jokes. While Makuramon makes sense in he was kind of a joke to begin with (and if you know the episode he dies in, let's face it--the creepy fucker deserved it), to see a freaking dragon Deva like Majiramon go out so easily and barely have a presence is seriously disappointing, especially when he's treated more as Makuramon's steed than anything. Caturamon gets the most attention out of any, being the one to convince Impmon to go against the Tamers and their Digimon and he is a pretty despicable Digimon that gets what he deserves. Other than that though, the other two just feel like sort of leftovers from the Devas arc that just had to be dealt with.

Finally though, I really have to give Digimon Tamers some heavy criticism on one of its bigger problems. This isn't necessarily a problem with the writing or the plot itself, but it is a problem with some of its presentation. This show has no boundaries for spoiler alert whatsoever, and it's actually a huge problem as someone just wanting to enjoy the damn show and its surprises. Not only does the opening from the start of the Digital World arc outright spoil the main three Digimons’ Mega forms, it spoils Beelzemon as well. I was thankfully warned of these ahead of time and kept my eyes closed every time I watched the opening (which kinda sucked), but the fact that they made this decision and don't even show the first Mega form for ten episodes is honestly really aggravating from a story-telling standpoint. The episode previews are no better either. Not only do they also go out of their way to spoil things like the Mega forms and evolutions of Digimon, but they don't even hide the fact that Leomon is meant to outright die in the episode preview for the episode. I mean, not only does the first line of the preview literally yell "Leomon is dead!", the freaking episode title is "The Kind-Hearted Hero, Leomon Dies". Talk about no freaking subtlety! It kills any build-up towards his death in the episode, which would have been a pretty shocking moment had they said nothing. I get that Leomon dying is a sort of cruel running joke in Digimon, but if any series started this trend of doing so, it was undeniably Digimon Tamers. Once again, I was warned not to look at certain episode previews by a friend so from my personal experience, I still got a handful of nice surprises.

Okay, most details out of the way, NOW let me talk about the really important parts of the Digital World arc, where the arc really starts to move fast and for the better. While yes, Leomon dying does become a running joke from here on out in pretty much every Digimon series, as of now I have to say that Digimon Tamers treats it the best (other than, you know, outright spoiling it). While Digimon Adventure still made Leomon's death a sad event and he was a good character, the effects of the death of Leomon in Digimon Tamers are much greater and heavier than Adventure's ever was. Jeri is traumatized to watch Leomon--her Digimon partner she wanted so badly--not only get killed but killed by Beelzemon, who was once a friend. This is also the absolute breaking point for Takato, having reunited with the rest of the group and still dealing with the inner conflict of Guilmon's existence. And this, ultimately breaks to the Dark Digivolution of the series--Guilmon ultimately Dark Digivolving to Megidramon, probably one of the most terrifying monstrosities in Digimon. If people thought SkullGreymon was terrifying, they haven't seen the hellish undead dragon that is Megidramon--a being so rage-filled and powerful that it threatened to destroy the very existence of the Digital World.

This Dark Digivolution is really well-developed, not only with the lead-up of Takato reuniting with Guilmon while still struggling to accept his existence, but also with Takato losing his own self-control after seeing Leomon killed and seeing the girl he adores being broken to pieces. While Tai's Dark Digivolution for Agumon to SkullGreymon was not bad and had its impact, it was a little on the forced side (something the dub made even worse to the point of writing Tai out of character) and didn't have much build-up. Takato's is not only well-developed and by no means forced, it actually works extremely well. A child's wrath is frightening, as they still have much to learn about the concepts of empathy and have not learned to control their emotions well--part of why he outright wants to do everything to kill Beelzemon, even at the risk of Guilmon. But the emotion of anger alone is especially frightening. Anger can be a driving force--it can run our adrenaline and empower us, but it can be a driving force to a terrifying level as well. When we're angry, we lose all rationale and have no idea when to stop. Megidramon is essentially Takato and Guilmon's intertwined emotions personified, with the power to destroy everything if not stopped. And being such an ugly creature, with Jeri even crying to Takato about what he’s done to Guilmon’s original adorable form, Megidramon truly is a physical manifestation of Takato's ugliest emotions, the ones that make him still human nonetheless.

But it's after this traumatizing chain of events where I think the show leads to some of its best moments. After Megidramon gets beaten down by Beelzemon, Takato’s self-reflection (which is pretty abstract and drug-induced) helps him achieve the self-realization that despite Guilmon's existence as data, Guilmon is his true friend and everything they experienced together was and is truly real. With Takato finally reconciling with himself and Guilmon, they just barely dodge probably the slowest bullet ever from Beelzemon (Well, more like Guilmon somehow uses his leftover Megidramon tail to slap it away) and Takato is invigorated to fight along with Guilmon, but he truly wants to actually fight with Guilmon, something that has been established as just impossible with Digimon... until now.

Just as Takato wished for Guilmon, Takato earns his wish to be able to fight with Guilmon by achieving his true Mega form through Matrix Digivolution--Gallantmon--literally becoming one being and fighting together against Beelzemon. On a side note, the dub decided to call this specific Digivolution "Biomerge Digivolution", which I admit I kind of like because just reusing the term "Matrix Evolution" in Japanese doesn't make this type of Digivolution feel unique when it's probably one of the most unique methods of Digivolution that Digimon has done. Regardless, I still don't think I would call it Biomerge Digivolution myself personally. So from here, I'm just going to continue saying Matrix Digivolution because I enjoy being confusing as hell to dub and/or sub watchers (I'm not sorry).

But before I can go in-depth about the Gallantmon VS Beelzemon fight, I need to talk about Gallantmon himself; because my God, I freaking love Gallantmon. I was told the moment I started this series "Guilmon's Mega form is going to be your favorite Mega ever." While I didn't really doubt it, I wasn't really sure how that was going to happen. But the moment I watched the Matrix Digivolution animation and heard One Vision for the first time, I was jumping-off-the-couch-excited (but also extremely emotional because I was still being assaulted with feels from several angles at once). Gallantmon's design isn't just awesome, but the concept of him as Takato's partner and Guilmon's Mega form is just perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Remember how I was just going on about Megidramon as the physical manifestation of Takato's negative emotions? Gallantmon is the exact opposite of this--a physical manifestation of Takato's positive emotions and of his true convictions. Not only that, but the idea of Gallantmon is a perfect example of something a kid like Takato would come up with. Takato created Guilmon, went through a long process of designing the idea of Growlmon, and Megidramon was subconsciously created by Takato's worst feelings and emotions (WarGrowlmon is kind of the exception and just sort of happened, but let's ignore that for now). In the same vein as Megidramon, Gallantmon was subconsciously created by Takato's strongest feelings. Think from the perspective of a kid like Takato--he thought of Guilmon as a sort of lizard/dragon, even often using the White Wings card on him. Dragons are awesome, right? Dragons fight knights all the time in fairy tales, and it's awesome. But what would be the coolest thing ever? An actual dragon knight, a dragon that is actually an armored warrior capable of wielding a sword and shield. Not only that, but knights are symbols of justice and chivalry--exactly what Takato is fighting for against Beelzemon. It's all of these combined elements that make Gallantmon not only an awesome Mega form, but literally the perfect choice for Takato and Guilmon. Their thoughts and feelings are truly one here, which just makes One Vision all the more perfect insert song for this. And it also downright nails and proves my previous point in the Devas arc that Matrix Digivolution is a million times better than Pokéani's Ash-Greninja nonsense.

In the Devas arc, I stated that the Indramon fight was my favorite thus far. But my freaking God. From this point on, I have so many favorite fights in this series that I don't even know if I have an actual favorite. They're all that awesome, but Gallantmon VS Beelzemon begins to set that standard with a really good, evenly matched fight. Who possesses the upper hand is always changing, from powerful attacks from Gallantmon like Royal Saber and Final Elysion, to Beelzemon aiming one of his guns at contact range at Gallantmon (which naturally got censored in the dub), only for Kazu and Guardromon to drive Beelzemon away with Destruction Grenade and finally putting Gallantmon in a position to finish off Beelzemon. It's so action-filled and such a melee combat-heavy battle that it's definitely high up in one of my favorite Digimon fights. But this fight is stopped when Jeri begs Gallantmon not to kill Beelzemon because doing so won't bring Leomon back. And, well... she's right. This actually gets Beelzemon's attention as he retreats, now beginning to lose his own conviction. This arguably makes it an unfinished battle, but regardless of that it's too damn good not to love, and sparing Beelzemon proves to be the better choice as we see later in the series.

Now I know I gushed on and on about why Gallantmon is the perfect Mega Digimon and how he's perfect for Takato and Guilmon, but... unfortunately I can't quite do the same for Henry and Terriermon as well as Rika and Renamon when they achieve their Mega forms. Now, I'm by no means saying they get no development and that it doesn't work at all. But Takato and Guilmon were definitely better thought-out, being the main character of the series. It's the same way how Tai more or less got several episodes to develop activating his Crest of Courage while most characters got a few episodes at best or had a lot of it develop in the background. Still, this doesn't mean Henry and Rika don't get their good bits of writing and development with their Digimon. After defeating all of the Devas barring Lopmon (because of course Caturamon would also get an underwhelming death during the Gallantmon VS Beelzemon episode of all times, but to be fair it's because Beelzemon absorbs his data that the tides of the battle keep changing), Lopmon is to take the group to the "god" the Devas have gone on and on about--Zhuqiaomon, one of the Four Sovereigns. While these Four Sovereigns are different from the ones in the Adventure universe, let me just scream finally and thank you that Digimon Tamers actually brought the Four Sovereigns into a more prominent role than Adventure 02's lone plot-dumping Azulongmon.

Knowing they're about to face a god however, Henry begins to become overprotective of his sister Suzie, and I mean really overprotective. This is to the point that he acts out of his character (but naturally, not because of bad writing) by yelling and even almost hitting Suzie when she cries about not being able to come with Henry to confront Zhuqiaomon. I'd be lying if I said Suzie didn't annoy me here a bit too, but I think that was kind of the point for the audience to understand that Henry was becoming frustrated with the struggle of fighting in the Digital World but having to protect his younger sister at the same time. But because of this, Henry fails to notice Terriermon hiding a bad injury from the last fight with Caturamon. After Henry is forced to watch Zhuqiaomon break Rapidmon to literal pieces in a fight, he realizes this all happened because he worried about Suzie too much, and this basically brings Henry back to when he first saw Terriermon get injured through the Digimon video game, and it does nearly break him. But seeing Suzie sneak in leads both Henry and Terriermon to become protective of her--their convictions lining up just like Takato and Guilmon and leading them to Matrix Digivolve to MegaGargomon, and temporarily defeat Zhuqiaomon with a combination of Terriermon's missiles and Henry's martial arts techniques we saw him practice in previous episodes. Again, there's a sense of unity here in the Matrix Digivolutions that makes them work so well, even if Henry and Rika's aren't as deeply thought-out as Takato's. But I just need to ask: Am I the only one who finds it hilarious that the smallest Digimon of the main three evolves into a gargantuan dog mech?

But as I said before, Zhuqiaomon is just temporarily defeated--or more like it's just a fake-out defeat, but it's clear regardless that the Tamers and their Digimon are no match for a god... until another god shows up, our good old friend Azulongmon. Contrary to my initial belief while watching, he actually defends the Tamers and argues against Zhuqiaomon for taking Calumon in the first place. So it's here that once again, Azulongmon serves the purpose of giving plot dumps to the protagonists about what's going on and who the true enemy is for the show (the dub title for the episode is even called “Azulongmon Explains It All”). But the problem in that is... they don't even know who their true enemy is. Yeah, kinda hard to fight something you don't even know about isn't it? But I will say Azulongmon is definitely not as much of a plot device as he is in Digimon Adventure 02, nor does he have as much exposition. He actually does things and on top of that, we do get to see the other Four Sovereigns like the jolly Ebonwumon and... unfortunately very little presence of Baihumon. It's a shame because I do like how each of the Sovereigns are sort of tropes of old men--Zhuqiaomon is the grumpy old man, Azulongmon is the wise old man, and Ebonwumon is the jolly old man. Baihumon pretty much gets no personality or development, but I still give Tamers way more credit for including them and making most of them do things. Still, if we're going along with the old man tropes, should Baihumon be the senile old man a la Game Grumps' Dr. Hoffman? Not to mention, how do these old guys ever work together or get anything done in the Digital World? Maybe that explains why Azulongmon took forever to actually do something about Zuqiaomon being an asshole.

I should quickly go over Calumon now--revealed by Azulongmon and Zhuqiaomon to be not really a Digimon but a personification (Digification? Digimonification?) of the power to Digivolve Digimon, the "Digi-entelecheia". The term alone had my attention as a big nerd for Tales of Vesperia, but the short of it is that Calumon really is and truly just a plot device. But regardless? I don't care, because he's just too freaking adorable for me to hate and it's not complete BS, being brought forth to grant Digivolution to Digimon in the Digital World to address the real Big Bad of our show. I still have to commend Digimon Tamers for keeping me guessing about who I was supposed to see as the "villain" for the show, until finally giving us one. As for how I feel about our new villain we get to know as the D-Reaper, this is another thing I'll go into with my post of the last arc.

On that note though, Calumon does get in serious danger because he comes in contact with our villain. Something so threatening that just by touching anything in the Digital World, it deletes it. This includes any Digimon or even any human in the Digital World. So yeah, it's kind of no wonder that this thing is a big threat. And considering Calumon is in close range of it, in a cavern where it's basically taken the form of a lava lamp with dangerous blobs constantly floating up, the Tamers need to save him. This leads up to Renamon and Rika's inevitable Matrix Digivolution, which I should finally talk about. I would say it's simultaneously one of the most and least developed of the bunch. On one end, Rika's bond with Renamon has probably grown the most, having originally treated Renamon as nothing more than a servant but now treating her more as a true companion. But on the other end, the way it comes together is that after Rika and Renamon save Calumon and hand him off to Ryo (who just... showed up like he always does), Rika ultimately decides that even if they risk their lives to contain the D-Reaper from the others, they will still ultimately decide their fates together of whether they live or die and they make this life-risking decision together. It does still work, and I do like how Rika has gone through subtle but noticeable development, but the lead-up to the Matrix Digivolution to Mega form isn't quite as impactful to me as Takato and Guilmon's or Henry and Terriermon's. Still, I wouldn't call it bad by any means; I still do like it and I like seeing just how much Rika herself has changed. My personal opinion on Sakuyamon is that it's probably my second least favorite Mega form in this show (we'll get to the least favorite in the last arc fellas, I promise), but I certainly don't dislike her. Considering it's a human and Digimon merged design, I still find it more sensible than something like Nefertimon (whose random cleavage still bothers the crap out of me design-wise).

Having discussed all of the Matrix Evolutions here, I have to say that one detail I really love about them is that all three of them have their own variants for One Vision. Gallantmon's starts with a rocking guitar, MegaGargomon’s has a strong bass, and Sakuyamon's has a beautiful set of vocals with oriental instruments that fit her whole aesthetic. If you guys have read this post and know my personal tastes, you'll already know which variant is my favorite, but I do love all three.

With Calumon finally saved, the Four Sovereigns finally decide to utilize his power and he mass Digivolves many Digimon across the Digital World into their Mega forms, giving a lot of fun cameos of some great Mega forms like Hououmon, Plesiomon, MetalSeadramon, Gryphonmon and even a tiny little guy known as MarineAngemon, who ultimately ends up becoming Kenta's partner. And my God, MY GOD. MARINEANGEMON. IS. ADORABLE. I should be saving this bit for the next arc where MarineAngemon gets a tad more attention, but I may as well go on about it now. MarineAngemon is probably--no, IS the most adorable Mega form Digimon in existence. He has tiny little wings, he's small enough to fit in your pocket (exactly how he sneaks in along with Kenta), and he doesn't talk--he just makes little sounds of gibberish. But they're the most adorable sounds of gibberish ever. Seriously, I'm not sure what it is about Digimon Tamers having extremely adorable Digimon capable of being extremely powerful, but I am all for it and completely adore it. MarineAngemon is so adorable and precious that it's almost like if Gomamon and Patamon Jogress Digivolved into the cutest, most powerful thing in existence. It's that adorable. And normally, I will admit I should be annoyed when in the past I've been bothered by things like Kari ending up with a Champion level Gatomon and Meiko having the Champion level Meicoomon. But I guess I can excuse it for a few reasons:

Kenta is a much more minor character, and he and MarineAngemon are very downplayed (fortunately and unfortunately).

MarineAngemon, while by no means should be underestimated, isn't some sort of behemoth like Armageddemon.

MarineAngemon comes towards the very end of the show (with 10 episodes left), so he isn't relied on as a crutch or Deux ex Machina.

HE’S TOO GOSH DARN CUTE TO GET MAD ABOUT.

But enough gushing about this literal angel. After Calumon mass Digivolves a majority of the Digital World population, Takato receives a message from Yamaki that they have 40 minutes to reach a machine known as the Ark, something he and the Wild Bunch have been working on in the background all of this time to help the kids and their Digimon return home. But Rika and Renamon decide to go search for Impmon, wishing not to leave him behind but vowing to return in time. When they do come across him, they don't find Beelzemon but indeed Impmon, who has become a shadow of his former self in power and is even picked out by hordes of Chrysalismon like a flock of vultures--ironic in that he was once taking them out as target practice early in the arc. Rika and Renamon then rush back towards the Ark with him, but it has already begun leaving to the real world, even beginning to leave Takato behind who stays waiting for Rika. Out of desperation, Guilmon begs for the Ark to stop, and somehow... it does. This gives just enough time for Rika and Renamon to arrive with Impmon, and everyone manages to board the Ark safely and begin to make their way home. The D-Reaper tries to stop this of course, but Takato also begs for the Ark to take them home, actually leading it to respond through Yamaki's PDA with an "OK". It's a good bit of foreshadowing for the next arc, and honestly it was kind of cute to watch Guilmon try to converse with the Ark as if it were a friend.

And thus, everyone finally arrives back in the real world and reunites with their parents (even Ryo, who somehow has parents who knew exactly where he would show up) with the exception of Jeri, who has become ominously quiet since they discovered the D-Reaper. The reason she's alone however is because supposedly Jeri has an asshole dad who is so angry with her leaving that he'd rather her just find her way home by herself. Yeesh dude, she's been in a completely unknown world with her life constantly in danger. She may have made that choice, but show some damn hint of concern. Overhearing this however, Takato vows that he'll guide Jeri home, unable to shake off how much he cares for her. But he's pained to see her as nothing but a shell and even bursts out crying to her as he tries to confess his own feelings. And I have to admit, it's pretty painful to see. I know sometimes I'm annoyed by crushes in shows or that it's easy to get annoyed when a show tries to push a certain couple, but Takato's childish yet truly caring crush on Jeri is genuine enough for me to feel for. Not to mention, it's not often played for laughs too much and when it is, it's simple and charming. Here, there's some actual emotional development going on and it really does not only make you feel for Takato, but feel just as concerned for Jeri as he does.

When Takato manages to actually escort Jeri to her father, you can honestly feel how much of a mystery and how intimidating he is. I was just waiting for the moment he would slap her, and I wouldn't be surprised if he had done it off-screen. The whole thing, as minor as it is to the rest of the story, is pretty heartbreaking regardless.

And finally we reach the end of the Digital World arc, arguably the longest of any Digimon arc while remaining really eventful nonetheless, avoiding being dragged out too much for the most part. And all seems well in the end... until SURPRISE! Takato and Guilmon look on the news to see that the D-Reaper has found its way into the real world! What, were you actually expecting a happy or peaceful conclusion for this arc? Pfft, this is Digimon Tamers! We ain't got time for that!

Overall, the Digital Arc was a really exciting and extremely fun and heartbreaking arc to watch. While a little slow in the beginning and having a few odd episodes, once it picks up, it really picks up. There's so many amazing moments in this arc, from emotional to fun to just downright awesome. I really loved some of the developments that came from here, and there's just so many good fights in this arc alone. It definitely captured some of that Digimon Adventure feel of exploring the Digital World, but also in its own way and I really enjoyed it for that. Lots of characters got some nice development, we got a few random additions--some good and... then there's Ryo--and we got some much-needed insight on things like the origins of Guilmon and Calumon, as well as world-building for the Digital World. It was just really fun. If there's anything else I really had to complain about... it'd be how much it took to write about it. It took me not only a few weeks of putting off due to school work, but several days of actually writing this damned thing. And if it kind of shows in the sloppiness, I do apologize for that.

But now hopefully the D-Reaper arc won't be so hard on me. I mean, it's 10 episodes. How much could they really do in that time for me to talk about, right? ... Right?