#But the idea of ''not creating idols'' could still need to be relevant

[o4o41]

Instead of space-hero male-protagonist figure. Leo can like a frilly pink female who's strength lies in keeping positivity, hope and love.

And, like, oppossing and forbiding him to like that is not good. That female helped him discover himself, his identity plenty.

[trappedinafantasy37]

Cult dissection part 3? 4? I don't know, anyway, the next cult topic I want to talk about is the lack of autonomy. Members are expected to give their bodies over to the cult and to The Idol. They are expected to be willing to give each and every part of themselves over, including in the form of a self-sacrifice where needed. Obviously, this does infer that a member's autonomy will be forcefully violated, but there is also this expectation that one willingly relinquishes control of their bodies over to the cult, and accept that their body is going to be used as a tool (and so this forceful violation isn't a true violation because it was in the Terms & Conditions that the cult and The Idol own the members body). In the event that the member does not willingly relinquish autonomy, other tactics will be employed such as force, coercion, or punishment.

Small tangent, but I promise this is relevant. In the real world, many of us have the misfortune of being aware of "purity culture". It is this worldview that sex is sacred, should only be done under certain conditions, and is intended to fulfill The Idol's desires and satisfactory in the eyes of The Idol (barf). It's a tactic used to enforce the idea that one's body isn't "theirs" and doesn't truly belong to them, but to The Idol. That only The Idol dictates what happens to them and they have no say in the matter. Another thing used to bolster this is something along the lines of "You were created in The Idol's image", as in The Idol created you and so only The Idol has final say over you.

But purity culture isn't just about sex and it is multifaceted. There is this purity of body if you will, which does include sex, but also things like tattoos, piercings, diet, medication, vaccinations, smoking, drinking, etc. We can also see a purity in appearance (or modesty) which includes hair (including hair styles, colors, and dyes), clothing (no showing shoulders, ankles, arms, etc) and strict dress codes, and even makeup. There is also a sense of purity in thought, which is basically just thought policing in which no bad thoughts about The Idol, no bad thoughts about the cult, no positive thoughts towards dissent or dissenters, no thoughts challenging The Idol's message. We can throw in moral purity (like sin) which includes no desires that The Idol doesn't like or approve of, temptation is bad and wrong. And there is even a purity of blood which is the idea that one's genetic makeup is sacred and it is necessary that one remains genetically pure, and anything that could "dilute" it or "taint" it should be avoided at all costs. Purity culture is thick and is a tool to not only strip someone of their autonomy and relinquish it to The Idol, but also enforces ideas of supremacy and eugenics. Whoo, tangent over! I promise it is still relevant, just bear with me here. This is still a post about BG3.

Durge and Orin are both shining examples of how autonomy is deprived of in a cult and both exemplify "purity". All the gods we encounter in the game do some pretty fucked up shit, but Bhaal and the Absolute are the only ones we see to forcibly take control and rob their followers of autonomy completely. Bhaal forcibly takes control of Durge or Orin when they both refuse to do what he wants. It may not be obvious to Orin as she has never refused an order until the end, but it is clear during the Act 2 scene that Bhaal can, and will, turn Durge into a slave if he has to. And if Durge loses the fight to Orin and destroys the brain, or embraces Bhaal but destroys the brain anyway, Bhaal outright steals Durge's body and does whatever he wants with it because Durge belongs to him. If Durge rejects Bhaal, Bhaal takes back his blood and kills Durge because the blood belongs to him, not Durge.

In the madness ending for Durge, it is implied that Bhaal is using Durge's body to commit a litany of sex crimes and using Durge to breed in the next generation of Bhaalspawn. All Bhaalspawn do have this urge to breed and thus have a different relationship with sex as opposed to other Bhaalists. If a Bhaalspawn is to engage in sex, it is to be done in the way Bhaal approves and that is to make more Bhaalspawn. I know we like to clown on Bhaal disapproving of Durgetash, but if we presume that Durge is canonically male, then Bhaal truly would not approve of Durgetash because it won't result in Bhaalspawn babies. It is also why I have the headcanon that Bhaal would have disapproved of Orin's infatuation with Minthara because it won't result in Bhaalspawn babies. There is a reason why irl cults are homophobic as gay sex doesn't result in babies, no babies means less members to control and less labor to be exploited. Homosexuality violates certain aspects of purity and since gay sex does not result in reproduction, it is perceived as "fun" and no fun allowed when you're in a cult!

We also cannot look past the incest stuff between Sarevok and Helena. You know, the same Sarevok who refers to Durge as the "most pure Bhaalspawn" (and the fact that Durge is the "most pure" is the reason why Bhaal and many other Bhaalists put Durge above all else). It was all done in an attempt to "spread Bhaal's seed" in the most pure form possible. I do not know how it went down, but knowing what I know of cults and cult leaders, Sarevok more than likely pressured the expectation to Helena that the only way to prove her devotion to Bhaal was to carry his child, that she was to use her body to nurture the purest Bhaalspawn she could make, and that it was her duty to. As another side tangent, I know that the incest stuff is more definitely apart of the character assassination of Sarevok and I'm not really going to argue on whether or not it is in character of Sarevok to do this. But there are some complaints out there saying that the incest stuff was unnecessary and was put in for the sake of being "edgy" and for shock value. All I am going to say about this is that incest is not unusual within some cults and it isn't unexpected for someone in Sarevok's position to take advantage of his power to coerce his own children. Especially when we are talking about a cult that does lean very heavily into the purity of bloodlines. I am not going to argue if the incest stuff should or should not have been in the game, I'm just saying that it does happen in irl cults. Do whatever you wish with that information.

And of course, Orin was to eventually be sacrificed to Bhaal to please him and restore his power, as that is the point of Orin's existence. I have talked about this previously, but the reason why all Bhaalspawn have the desire to breed, and then kill each other is because when a Bhaalspawn dies, their "godly essence" (if you can truly call it that since Bhaal isn't a true god anymore) returns back to Bhaal to fuel his resurrection and make him more powerful. He cannibalizes his children, they are expected to engage in this behavior, and they have no say in the matter. They were born to die and are only permitted to live under Bhaal's conditions. There are 4 Bhaalspawn that are in BG3 and all of them have either attempted to kill each other, or had a plan to kill each other.

And this is all done in an attempt to gain Bhaal's approval, to show Daddy Bhaal that they are the most pure Bhaalspawn and deserving to be Chosen. I have also made a post about this, but in an embrace Durge ending, Fel implies that Durge gets a romanced Minthara pregnant, or that she is the perfect candidate to immediately go impregnate (I prefer to think of it as the former as Daedra is female and this blog supports fpreg). In the event that Durge lets Minthara go and truly does save her until the end so she can have their baby, it just perpetuates the cycle because Durge and their offspring will be compelled to kill each other once the offspring comes of age and it's all because daddy says so and neither have a choice.

I never played the previous games and I do not know so much about Sarevok's background, so take this next part with a grain of salt. Based upon what I know of Durge and Orin, Sarevok did not truly have a choice. From my understanding, Sarevok acted of free will with the belief he had a choice. But Bhaal operates under the principle of "you do what I say when I say, or I will make you do it anyway. And you will not enjoy it when I make you." We can see this happen in the madness ending for Durge where it implies that Durge is still somewhat conscious and aware of what Bhaal is doing, but is trapped in their own body having been stripped of their autonomy and Bhaal taking control. We can also see this with Bhaal forcibly turning Orin into the Slayer against her will the one singular time she actually questions what she is doing. No Bhaalspawn is allowed to defy Bhaal, because none of them own their bodies, Bhaal does. If a Bhaalspawn does not relinquish their autonomy, no matter, Bhaal will just take it anyway.

Edit: added a picture

< Cults & Individuality: Orin | Cults & Autonomy: The True Souls >

[aihoshiino]

In Viewpoint B (thank you for that TL of it, by the way!), Ai says to Kyun that she was a liar even before becoming an idol. Ai also describes herself as a liar in her inner monologue in the flashback to when she was scouted in Chapter 8/Episode 1. Do you have any ideas about what lies/"lies" she could be referring to, or how her self-hatred generates this specific self-perception?

You're very welcome – glad you enjoyed! Viewpoint B is my favourite of the sidestories so I'm really happy I was able to make it more available to everyone else, too.

Talking about 'lies' in OnK is kind of messy sometimes, honestly! I think this is where a lot of the weirder/more off base interpretations of Ai in the fandom come from because people get tripped up by how the story uses the word and assume that it begins and ends with the very literal dictionary definition of like, "an intentionally false directly expressed statement". And while this isn't not part of what OnK means when it talks about lies, there's a lot more going on than that.

'Lies' in OnK are essentially an umbrella term being used to cover a whole shitload of thematic ground via abstraction. When Oshi no Ko talks about lies, it's talking about falsehoods, inauthenticity, the sanitized and manufactured versions of ourselves we wear for social approval, the idea of persona, celebrity culture, idol culture, parasocial relationships, abuse, purity culture, misogyny, art, fiction, mental illness, love, hate and all manner of other things.

"Holy shit, Claire" you may presumably say "That's a whole lot of things for just one word to cover???"

And I would say... yep it is! But that's why just one word is used — because the story has so much ground it wants to cover, some of it needs to be abstracted just to not exhaust the audience. To quote Dan Olson's weirdly relevant video on the NC's The Wall review:

"Abstraction is, counter-intuitively, really efficient. It allows a movie to be about a lot of things simultaneously by letting symbols bleed into each other. [...] Symbols shift and merge and break apart, juxtaposed and contrasted in order to create an impression of their interconnected relationship in a way that is difficult to do with mere words."

Accordingly, it's a little hard to express this idea without just vaguely waving my hands and going "oooo the vibes" but I think it is something you end up just kind of vibing with when you have spent enough time chewing on the characters and why they do and say the things they do.

In Ai's case, when she talks about 'lies', she is generally referring to the performance of a sanitized and idealized self by omitting the parts of herself that do not line up with her public image. I've previously noodled on this topic in an older post that I still stand by and this basic idea still forms the foundation of most of my Ai analysis: "Really, the biggest “lie” Ai is telling is the one people have demanded she tell: the illusion of an eternally pure and cheerful idol. But being an idol has become so forcibly entangled in Ai’s personhood at the expense of allowing her to just be a human that of course she thinks of herself as a liar for being unable to live up to that image."

To Ai, any failure to disclose her true, ugly self is a lie. Her performance of a self that other people find lovable is the thing she thinks of as lying. It's also worth noting that in both Viewpoint B and her flashback, she's describing her younger self in hindsight and attributing the label of 'liar' to her rather than this being something Ai called herself before meeting Saitou, who went on to completely rewire her brain by teaching her that this performance for social approval was lying and that it was okay and even necessary for her to do it.

I also think Ai's history of abuse at her mom's hands also contributed to this a great deal. I, uh, don't want to go too deep into this in my silly Oshi no Ko meta tag but speaking from experience: growing up with a parent like Ayumi, you get really good at lying. You get really good at saying "I'm sorry", "I forgive you" and whatever the fuck else they want to hear from you just to calm them down and make them happy. You get really, really good at performing the most perfectly sanitized version of yourself possible just to keep the peace. Knowing just how long and how violently Ai was being abused by Ayumi, it's really hard for me to not project that survival tactic onto her.

[funeralprocessor]

Morgan Rambles: My pet project

I don't think I've mentioned it before, but I've been working on a tabletop system for like, a while now. Working on is kind of doing a lot of heavy lifting as it's still just kind of a morass of mechanics and ideas, but I've been steadily chipping away at it for a while now. A big part of it has just been figuring out what I want it to be, because I didn't come at it from the outside trying to make a game that does X/Y/Z. It just sort of bubbled up organically from a lineage of horrible cobbled together pseudo-systems that existed only in full in my manic imagination and in like 20 google docs. Basically it's half "system that's geared towards stuff I personally like'' and half "mechanics/ideas orphanage" at this point, but It's slowly coming together into something kind of resembling a presentable thing. Not presentable for like, public use or anything, but like I could show this to potential players and I wouldn't look deranged. That may change and the whole mechanical core may collapse a few more times in the gestation process, but I think what I want it, tentatively called Ars Regia/ArRe, to be about/like/for is pretty well defined. Something I'm prepared to explain now that I've rambled for two paragraphs It's going to fundamentally going to be a game about power and how you use it, which sounds a bit generic I know but one of the core tenants of like the way I play and the way I run things is freedom and the many things that come from it. I like to run sandboxes with no "critical path" or main story, just a bunch of elements you can interact with as you see fit. This is a living world, or as close to one as I can simulate without losing my mind, and having characters interact with it, explore it, utilize it, or fall because they underestimated it is like one of my favorite parts of running a campaign. My job is to play the world, the players job is to decide how they want to live in it.

I also really like the collaborative storytelling and investment you get when players really dig into the world they inhabit and make parts of it theirs. That's why a big part of my design philosophy has been trying to come up with ways to empower the players to actually make big changes, and the "power level" I'm going for has kind of skewed higher as a result. Exalted and Godbound were big big influences on me (and Godbound's author Kevin Crawford/Sine Nomine Games is like one of my tabletop idols along with Jenna Moran and a few OSRsphere bloggers y'all should check out like GoblinPunch (The guy who made the false hydra! That's not a modern D&D thing that's an OSR beastie that escaped containment! All of his shit is good like that!), FalseMachine, Skerples/CoinsandScrolls, ThroneofSalt, and Against the Wicked City. Crawford's stuff is always really polished and even if you have 0 interest in running any of his games his GM tools are fucking immaculate and worth the price of admission on their own (especially since many of them have free versions)), but like mechanically/gamefeel wise aren't what I want. I'm also drawing a good bit from PbtA's enormous lineage, partially some BitD and Spire/Heart, but one of the major ones was Legacy: Life Among the Ruins. In addition to being one of my favorite games I can never convince anyone to play, Legacy does a *lot* different that I love. Your character isn't an individual, but a faction in a post apocalyptic world, with the nature of that world and that apocalypse really really shaped by the very act of character creation. If someone chooses the kaiju hunter faction, it kind of goes without saying that there are kaiju now, something that would not necessarily be the case had no one picked that playbook. That's really fascinating to me. It also has a neat system for kind of pseudo-troupe play. When you need to resolve a specific event in detail and actually RP it out, everyone creates a quick character relevant to the situation or picks one already established, which means you'll quickly get something of a cast of recurring characters for a particular faction, even if that character isn't always played by the same person. Also, because these characters aren't your "main" character it kind of lets you play a lot more fast and loose with them and take more risks. It's almost encouraged to angle for dramatactical deaths, b/c each class has a death move that can be pretty impactful and are all very resonant and fun. I'd been considering some kind of "lower decks" mechanic for ArRe since I imagine PCs will be involved with a lot of big/long term projects and this sort of thing seemed like *exactly* what I was looking for (alongside some domain management stuff). This turned out a lot less coherent than I'd hoped but w/e. Long story short is I'm basically trying to make a TTRPG all about getting players invested in and in control of the world, both by collaborating with them to create it and then giving them the tools and incentives to change it. It is kind of geared towards playing in my like established setting, but that's because I haven't actually had a chance to do any of the collab worldbuilding stuff yet. Amala is also just sort of a powderkeg and fun to throw demigods at so we're all good

[hismercytomyjustice]

I spent 95% of the day today writing. I’ve finally hit 35k, but the last 3k were a STRUGGLE. I think they turned out okay, but my god I had several moments of “fuck this.”

I think the issue was this was a way more research heavy chapter and I didn’t feel as confident about writing some of the side characters. They don’t have much screen time in the game, which made it all the more stressful.

I desperately want to finish this fic. I don’t want to have made it this far only to give up. I s2g the Cardcaptors fic that I wrote that was almost twice as long as this didn’t give me NEARLY this much trouble. Maybe because I was more familiar with the source material?

I did get a really sweet comment on it recently though that I still need to reply to. I’m always baffled and pleased when folks take the time to read my older stuff.

I want to say I’m around 75-80% done with this fic now, though I still have no idea how the hell I’m going to end it.

…especially since I still haven’t finished the game…

I’m like 250+ hours in, but I still need to kill Orin and Gortash, save Lae’zel, get the Wyrm, fight Raphael, find Minsc… I’m sure I’m forgetting something. I know I could just power through to the end but I’ve been enjoying thoroughly exploring everything. I’ve also kind of worn myself out in the process though. There is just SO MUCH in Act III, it’s overwhelming.

Work has been hella busy again the past week or two too, which doesn’t help. I’m kind of dreading tomorrow because I have so much I need to do. I am getting desperate for a break and our next holiday isn’t until Memorial Day at the end of May. I’m probably going to have to take some PTO or at least a mental health day at the rate I’m going. The burnout is hitting HARD.

I love my job as much as one can love a job, but my god it is exhausting and demanding. Thankfully it isn’t like this all the time, but the periods where it is SUCK. Things will quiet down in another month or so, at least for a good chunk of the summer. I hope.

I think when I’m done writing this fic (please god in the next few weeks or so), I’m going to post it a chapter at a time like I did with my Cardcaptors one. Maybe a week apart to give myself time to edit each chapter. Pretty sure that’s the only way I’ll be able to trick myself into editing.

It’s just been so nice to have something I’m excited to write about again. This is the longest thing I’ve written in literal years. I feel like I’ve grown a lot, or at least I hope I have.

I’m also hoping that by writing more fanfic, I’ll be able to strengthen my writing for original stuff too. Right now I’m just trying to be happy with whatever I put out, so long as I’m writing something. Even if I don’t finish it.

I spent so many years struggling to get a word on the page because I spent so much time learning about writing through cons, books, podcasts, etc that I was hypercritical of everything I did. I stopped enjoying the process and I felt like a failure. I knew enough now that I knew what I did wrong or where I had skill gaps, but I had no idea how to fix any of it, so I just stopped creating. I forgot why I loved writing so much in the first place.

A book that’s really helped me view writing in a much healthier way is The Actor’s Life: A Survival Guide by Jenna Fischer. Yes, it’s geared toward acting, but the advice she gives is just as relevant to other creative fields.

She talks a lot about giving yourself permission to do the thing, about not having to be at the same level as your idols to pursue your dream, and about how important it is just to create.

It’s so important to enjoy the process because, otherwise, what’s the point? So long as I’m having fun, it’s worth doing. Even if I never reach a wide audience with original stuff I do in the future, I have to remember I’m doing this first and foremost for myself. I’ve found I enjoy that type of content more too, where the creator takes risks and unashamedly throws their passion into their project.

Yes, this is just a fanfic I’m working on, but I’m honing my skills through it. It’s a lot less terrifying to play in someone else’s sandbox and it’s so much easier for me to get out of my own way while I do it.

But at the same time DAMN I AM SO READY TO BE DONE haha.

Fingers crossed I will be soon!!!

[serenityseventeen]

♪ The Last Day of Summer With You

Woozi/Lee Jihoon : A Simple Walk to the Park

You didn't want to leave this day regretful.

And what better way than to spend the summer finale with your boyfriend, Jihoon?

You knew that over the summer, Jihoon had the opportunity to do many fun things with his members. He was very happy and you were glad that he got to go on so many adventures and healing trips with his best friends that had been there for him all of his life.

However, as his beloved, you only got to spend so much time with him. Even now, as you were walking toward his universe factory located in the middle of a bustling city, you wondered whether or not he'll be up for a little walk to the park.

Well, even if he didn't want to spend time outdoors, you could probably just hang out with him in his studio. Jihoon considered that place his second home and the place that he felt most comfortable in, so most of the time, you assumed that he'd be there.

Jihoon, on the other hand, was bopping his head gently to a song that he was in the process of finishing. The instrumental was created by one of the musical production groups, Prismfilter, and he thought it sounded nice, like a gleaming day under the cloudless sky, sitting under a blooming tree, on a bench, feeling the summer air, and gazing at the tiny birds that flew across.

Even with all of these idealistic scenarios sparking in his head one by one, he couldn't find the right words to describe it. He wanted to select beautiful words that could represent his heart and connect with the listeners, but the more he thought about it, the harder it became for him to find a word.

Another idea bloomed in his head and he reached for his phone. To find inspiration, sometimes he'd be thinking of someone or something. For a beautiful sounding song, he had to be looking at the most beautiful person he knew; you.

Just as he was about to pull up a picture he took of you about a month back, when you two went on a date to a puppy cafe. He smiled without realizing it as he found the picture of your holding a cute puppy while scrolling down his photo gallery.

His door swiftly opened with a small screech and Jun peeked his head inside with a light, puerile smile. Jihoon jumped, startled by Jun's sudden entrance.

“Y/N's waiting outside for you, they want to go on a walk or something,” Jun delivered, pointing his thumb backward, gesturing that you were waiting outside.

“Oh, okay, I'll be right out...” Jihoon replied, quickly turning off his phone.

When he left the studio, you were outside the building, waiting for him. You swung your leg back and forth, kicking the air, and stared up at the sky. Jihoon had checked the weather in advance and found out that it was going to be hot with a bit of breeze, so he wore a cap and casual clothes.

“You wanted to go on a walk?” He asked as he approached you, his voice gentle.

He was happy that you came to see him. On this sunny day, in front of you two was a large road of passing cars, roaring. He was dying for a quiet, peaceful time with you, the person he found the most resplendent.

“Yeah, if you don't mind,” You said, turning to face him. “I wanted to spend a part of the summer with you. You know, this year won't come around again.”

You sounded moderately nostalgic. Jihoon thought that it was a good idea and quickly complied with a slight nod of his head. He smiled. “I think that'll be fine. I wanted to see you anyway.”

You chortled, feeling your heart soften because of his honeyed words. You two began walking down the busy streets, your arm hooked in his. As you two walked, you gradually brought your hands into his, interlocking your fingers with his.

Jihoon tried to contain his gleeful smile and slowly hid away your hand into his shorts pocket. You smiled softly and turned to him as you two approached the park.

“Weren't you busy?” You asked, breaking the comfortable silence between you two. “You didn't call me today so I was thinking that maybe you were caught up in a song.”

Jihoon cleared his throat and glanced at you before turning forward again. “I do work a lot but that doesn't mean I don't have time for you. I like doing things simply like this but if you ever want a fancy dinner, you can call me.”

You chuckled looking down at the ground, feeling shy at his romantic reply. Even in these busy streets between skyscrapers, it felt like you two were walking alone.

With little conversation, the two of you arrived at the park, and immediately, you broke away from his hands to head over to the children's playground. The playground was empty, surprisingly, but you figured it may be because of the hot weather that people decided to stay inside instead of coming out to play and getting baked under the sky.

“Hey, Jihoonie!” You called out for him upon entering the children's zone. You jumped onto the swings and sat down with a pure smile. “Come over here!”

Jihoon was skeptical but everything about that smile could make him give in. He knew that it was foolish but he also knew that he could do anything for that smile of yours. He just loved you so much.

His face looked like he despised the thought of being on the playground with you but his legs began walking toward the playground and before he knew it, his bottom was tucked tight on the swings.

Jihoon had his arms around the chained swing hangers. You didn't swing high but instead swung side to side while gazing at Jihoon with lovey-dovey eyes.

“What...?” Jihoon finally asked, chuckling a little. The way you were looking at him was making him a bit nervous. “Why are you just looking at me like that while swinging sideways?”

“You look handsome, Jihoon,” You replied with a cute grin that didn't fail to flip Jihoon's heart upside down. “I was just thinking, when Autumn comes, would you like to try out pumpkin picking with me?”

“Sure, why not? If that's what you want.”

Jihoon's answers were simple, slipping out of his heart and mouth. He watched as you continued swinging side to side, growing far than coming closer, each time making his heart pound.

“Jihoon,” You said softly, your voice growing distant then ending up closer again.

“What?” He asked, expecting that you were going to say something mischievous, bad, or completely unexpected.

“I like you, a lot.”

Jihoon smiled because even though the two of you were already dating, those words were still enchanting to hear, even if Jihoon had trouble saying it back. “I like you too.”

He tried to reply with ease but he had to look away out of shyness. Seeing your boyfriend's cute response to your love confession, you couldn't help but smile.

“Thank you for loving someone like me,” You said. You stopped swinging back and forth and leaned toward him while still on the swing.

Jihoon humbly shook his head. “No, thank you for loving someone like me. Not everyone can deal with me. I'm a fool for music and I'm an idol.”

You smiled and replied with your whole heart, “You're a very simple guy. I love you. You make me happy.”

Jihoon smiled.

You weren't even finished talking yet but your eyes locked and before you could continue saying what was engraved on your heart and mind, Jihoon beat you to it.

With a slight twinkle in his eyes, Jihoon finished what you wanted to say in the softest tone, “Sometimes, happiness is simple.”

Jihoon knew that love was complex but with you, it seemed so easy. There was no need for anything complex or fancy. He, a simple person, was your happiness.

And you, who seemed like a dream, was his happiness.

-----------------

© serenityseventeen

a/n: once again the photo has barely any relevance to the story lmao + Water sports TTT was so fun to watch, I could feel their happiness from the screen!! I loved it so much and smiled and laughed a lot because of it but I wanted to see some more Jun, feels like I didn't see him a lot.. anyway I'm excited for drunkteen again next ep :D + this imagine was high-key based on woozi's "simple" because that song is still freaking gorgeous to my ears

[hekatekun]

The metanarrative’s grand narrative: Osomatsu-san’s characterization throughout the franchise

The growing cynicism throughout the entire Osomatsu-san franchise shows itself in season 3 with more prominence than anything prior. I think that’s pretty common amongst any “long-running” gag comedy - replacing a plot with spiteful commentary that’s admittedly pretty hit or miss at times. However, it invariably creates a negative but pretty funny character growth, and I love the way the show (I’m including the movie too as “canon” material considering season 3 has referenced it way too many times for me to disregard) has set up this metanarrative across seasons. Long post ahead.

Obviously, Osomatsu-san is self-aware and has a casual relationship with itself. No linear plot (though S3 seems to be trying it out and I’ve enjoyed it - I love that they’re willing to experiment), rather a collection of unrelated skits; and so it points out its own metanarrative because of this “lack of consequences.” With comedy comes impermancy and Ososan AND -kun will always bounce back from that week’s insanity. From the Oxford Dictionary, a metanarrative is “a narrative account that experiments with or explores the idea of storytelling, often by drawing attention to its own artificiality.” Basically: a story about stories.

On top of this, is what I’m calling the “grand narrative,” which is often used interchangeably with metanarrative, but here I’m making a distinction to make it less confusing. Of course, Ososan is a story about stories, but with that comes a story it’s not directly telling, which is where most of the (little) character development is taking place. This is what I’m going to call the grand narrative of a show whose premise is being a meta-aware comedy. I’ll admit I’m by no means an expert on these subjects, but storytelling methods are something I enjoy trying to analyze. As a media format, Ososan really utilizes the fact that it’s a tv show.

Right off the bat S1E1 makes it clear what to expect: Nothing. Not a damn thing. But, the show had already been cleared for this first season, so it has to be produced. This same episode’s preview is done by Osomatsu, which I’m just gonna quote instead screenshot because there’s too many.

“...we plan on properly starting the anime the next episode.” “...you ended up with an extra minute, so you need me to do something to fill it?! Actually, is this anime going to be okay with episode one being like this? I’m getting worried about how the rest of this is going to be...” “There, I used up a minute! [EPISODE ENDS]”

Episode one is not only batshit referential, but downright mocking the state of anime in 2015. Which, truthfully, I don’t have much to comment on in that regard, as I’m not an avid anime fan. However, it does this under the premise of being indecisive about what kind of anime they wanted the Osokun reboot to be. 

They’ll do just about anything to stay popular and relevant considering that is, quite literally, all they have going for them as characters in the series and just being characters in general. They may be pieces of shit, but they’re likeable pieces of shit. The dynamics they’ve built upon to be entertaining is encouraged, and they’re basically just roleplaying different skits and fucking around.

All the AUs! All the skits! They’re just playing! They’re just fuckin’ around!! They couldn’t come up with any interesting plot nor could they “graduate” from being anime protagonists and join the real world, so they just fuck around and make a gag anime!

Even if we follow both as the audience, the show makes a difference between the what’s them in their “normal life” (crazy begets crazy, no?) and what’s their “show.” But, really, that’s just one way to look at it, as they don’t really follow any rules as a show. I could say the Joshimatsus are separate characters from the sextuplets, and it’d be a “correct” interpretation. It doesn’t really matter - I’m choosing to examine it all as being the six of them just running around and playing, because being entertaining and having fun is all they know as characters. Besides, having it blended together beyond recognition reinforces how it prioritizes entertaining us, the audience, above logic. Storytelling doesn’t need to make absolute spatial-temporal sense for it to be enjoyable to fans.

In any case, that mentality really seems to be what pushes their character development negative, as they look to reinforce habits and rituals despite them being really detrimental for them in the long run. They know they’re popular characters as is, and with really everyone from staff to fans encouraging this behavior further, so they see no point in fixing what isn’t really broken.

I found this 4 year old article from Manga.Tokyo discussing the Ososan phenomenon in Japan because while the craze died off pretty quickly in American anime circles (which deserves a whole other post), Japanese fans went fuckin’ nuts.

This portion caught my attention, as it makes sense that entitled and enabled asshole children would grow up to be entitled and enabled asshole adults. The article also goes on to compare them to idols (even beyond the F6 spoof) and that they are rooted in being comfort characters above all else. 

It’s worth a read, especially because Japanese fan response is what drives majority of the content post-S1, and, inevitably, ties into their character development. 

They know that they’re Characters, particularly Protagonists. You know what happens to protagonists? Everything works out. Just about every single story created has stuff working out for protagonists. In fact, we have a whole genre made that separates stories with bad tragic endings from our Normal Stories. Ososan is a comedy, not a tragedy, so surely there’s gonna be some payoff somewhere along the road, especially as the seasons and other content are still being pumped out. To a self-aware, entitled, enabled protagonist, assuming everything is just gonna work out for you isn’t that far off from your narrative truth.

However, Ososan is a gag anime, and a lot of gag content (like 4koma mangas) is dropped for other projects before any emotional cathartic ending is provided for characters and fans alike. So, three seasons and a movie later, nothing has happened. It’s a great idol cash cow with a Family Guy filter, and the characters (and writers) don’t even bother to hide it anymore. And I know I’m being hypocritical concerning my definition of “canon material” but I think this portion from one of the drama cds “Choroplex” basically summarizes my point:

CHOROMATSU: Wait, don’t make this into a gag! You don’t even care about becoming employed, right? KARAMATSU: There’s no way that could happen... CHOROMATSU: What kind of future are you imagining? Is it nothing but this? [HUGE PAUSE BEFORE THEY MOVE ONTO SOMETHING ELSE]

They’re parodies of themselves and are running out of ideas. Stagnation and decay is normal, if not unavoidable, at this point in time for them. They’re just 20 somethings who’ve hit a wall but they’re too scared and insecure to bring about permanent positive change. It’s easier for them to fall back into normal patterns and joke off the rest.

They have an antagonistic relationship with expectations. They can’t handle a single iota of expectations, or responsibilities. They’ve never needed to worry before, so why bother now? Once the biggest hits on the block, now they’re just guppies in the ocean, and there’s nothing they believe themselves to be able to accomplish to keep up with this big brave new world. This is epitomized in S3E15, where old man Osomatsu tells a bastardized version of the Tortoise and the Hare, blatantly projecting his feelings onto it. Again, too many screenshots so let me pull more quotes (bolding for my own reference):

“The place that the tortoise thought was the goal was not actually the goal. His journey down the road of life still continued on. The tortoise was quite tired, but he continued running anyway.” “No one actually knew who was in front anymore. There are too many people above you.” “After the tortoise found out how society worked, he thought, ‘So this is the difference in talent? No amount of hard work is going to fix this. All right. I’m done competing with others.’”

S3 has left more questionable endings than its counterparts. The last 2 skits I referenced don’t even a gag to them, and the marriage skit doesn’t play music for the entire second half of S3E5. There’s more involved too. I haven’t even brought up the rice ball twins becoming actual entertainers in their universe, or how they introduced this whole AI subplot only to reject it because All Six Of Them aren’t interested in expanding their little corner of the world. Here’s a transcript of the ending preview from S3E1:

“Hey, hey, Osomatsu here. I thought we were saved from being replaced, but I guess we get new characters next week. Man, we’re busy. New encounters, changing surroundings... We’re NEETs to begin with because all that is a pain. I guess a lot can happen after three seasons. [EPISODE ENDS]”

The sextuplets’ mindsets are extremely self-centered, which is also an environmental thing (the parents don’t even really care that they’re NEETs, for one) and an understanding of what they ought to be (epic successful protagonists). They also have a very black and white mentality, all or nothing. They’re extremely sheltered, and once they realized where they stood in society at large, they just gave up. To them the world is divided between winners and losers, and somehow, “inexplicably,” they found themselves to have fallen from grace. But they’re protagonists, that has to count for something! Everything’s gonna end up okay, right? Well... what this show has told them: No, not at all. They are consistently compared and warned of Iyami, and are perfectly aware of this fact, and have come to internalize it as a truth rather than a reversible self-fulfilling prophecy.

Too many screencaps, taken from the S3S5 marriage discussion:

JYUSHIMATSU: I wonder if we’re gonna get married someday, too. CHOROMATSU: Well, I mean... probably? I’m not exactly sure, but... TODOMATSU: What? You’re gonna get married, Choromatsu-niisan? CHOROMATSU: Huh? Well, yeah... someday.

Surprise! They have commitment issues! The same group that couldn’t commit to a fucking plot! Though their personality issues have several factors involved, I can’t overlook the theater motifs abound. Life’s a stage, and they’re performing entirely unscripted and it shows.

Do I think all of this is 100% intentional on the writers’ part? No, probably not. There’s also an extra layer here regarding contemporary Japanese commentary that I’m not familiar with, so I just ended up focusing on the characters. I can’t be in the writers’ heads, but whatever decisions are being made by executives regarding censorship and “compliance” are reflected in these character changes that result in being significantly more bitter and defeatist.

In the all or nothing, winner-take-all mentality, the only way to save face at this point, in their minds, is to own up to it - act like it’s what they wanted all along. And, hey, it’s funny to watch, right?

“Why is Osomatsu all my examples”, you might be asking. Well, he’s the damn blueprint for it all. The leader of the bunch, the first personality to grab your attention, has had all his issues projected and ricocheted in their echo chamber.

Ultimately, my point here is that you could think their “canon characterizations” (though canon means nothing in a show like this) as being intertwined with the nature of their self-aware existence. They’ve shown you all their tricks, the smoke and mirrors are getting boring, and they’re stalling long enough the story seems to be moving on without them - in spite of them. And when something genuinely threatens their way of life, they don’t know how to respond.

You can play it all straight, of course. Remove the meta jokes and all the same plot points can be hit, but, as a slapstick comedy, it’s able to easily add this additional layer in that I appreciate. I’ve said it in my last post and I’ll probably say it in more, but with comedy comes sincerity - the caveat of all the cartoon violence is that, on some level somewhere, this is how they really feel.

[imhaitusncarnate]

I have very mixed feelings on that aot ending

Ok so the politics of Attack on Titan have been discussed by a lot of people, some of whom have a very surface- level understanding of the story. I would like to start by giving my disclaimer that Attack on Tiatan ABSOLUTELY isn’t fascist, its anti racism, anti bigotry and anti discrimination themes are extremely apparent in it’s examination of the Eldians inside Marley, and fascist views held by characters such as Gabi are explicitly condemned in the text and made clear to be misguided and false. 

I would now like to draw everyone’s attention to the openings of seasons 1 and 2. 

Images like these combined with lyrics like these:

You pigs who sneer at our will to step over corpses and march onwards Enjoy the peace of livestock false prosperity "freedom" of the dying wolves that hunger

We dedicate and sacrifice our hearts

And also the use of german lyrics:

Sie sind das Essen und Wir sind die Jaeger! (they are the food and we are the hunters)

O, mein Freund! Jetzt hier ist ein Sieg. Dies ist der erste Glorie. O, mein Freund! Feiern wir diesen Sieg, für den nächsten Kampf!

(O, my friend! Now, here is a victory. This is the first glory. O, my friend! Let us celebrate this victory for the next battle!)

This is the stuff that lead me to believe that this is a deliberate use of fascist imagery. If the show just wanted to go for a militaristic vibe for the aesthetic of it, references this explicit to fascist propaganda and the use of German lyrics was not necessary. Also, lines like this:

And plenty of evidence that things were not what they seemed it the world of aot and that the overly simplistic view of good vs evil (humans vs the titans) was incorrect led me to believe that Attack on Titan was a deliberate deconstruction. That it was putting the audience into the mindset of the fascists to pull the rug from under their feet later. And I was right. Sort of.

As the story progresses, the world becomes a more and more complex political landscape and we are led to believe that this black and white mentality is wrong. We are also informed that the people who can transform into titans, the Eldians, are an opressed minority, explicitly paralleled to the Jews during nazi Germany, from their living in internment camps, to them being called devils, to their armbands, to a large number of them (our heroes) being confined in an island with walls circling them, which is revealed by Isayama to be Madagascar. The island that the nazis originally meant to confine the Jewish population in before arriving at the conclusion that that would be too costly, and that genocide was preferable. 

This is the first of the story’s mixed metaphors. While the show’s heart is in the right place, being sympathetic to the Eldians and showing their plight under marleyan opression and persecution, there is one problem. The reason for the opression of the Eldians is because the world is afraid of their power, as they are a race with the ability to transform into titans. There is, therefore, a tangible, justification for their internment. The Jews were not in any conceivable way a danger to anyone, they were simply scapegoated for the complex socioeconomic problems of Germany in the time period. Also, if we take a look at those openings again, we observe that the Eldians (our main characters) who wish to free themselves from their shackles are framed as fascists. So... what is that saying?

 The idea, as I see it, is that the story is condemning fanaticism in general, as a biproduct of a militaristic black and white worldview. The monstrous titans that our (framed as fascist) heroes fight against are revealed to be human, just like them.

The same is the case for the Eldian “devils” that the Marleyans fight against. Gabi, the character who is most fanatically against Eldians (despite being an Eldian herself) is comfronted with the humanity of the people she hates once she gets to know them.

Again, Isayama’s heart is on the right place here, trying to condemn bigotry, however the explicit referencing of history is the imagery is kind of misplaced, for the reasons I previously mentioned. Now let’s have a look at Eren Yeager.

Eren starts the story as a kind of messed up kid. He kills the human traffickers who kidnapped Mikasa while screaming:

I mean, in this case he is certainly justified, but his rage and anger are definitely not normal for a child his age.

This is Eren. He can’t stand injustice when he sees it. And injustice is what happens to him when the titans attack. His already fiery attitude and mindset is what leads him to this declaration of revenge:

That side of Eren is visible throughout the story and it’s foreshadowing for what he will later become

Eren, however, is a natural product of his environment. Ravaged by socioconomic inequality, with the rich living in the centre of the walls and the poor living in the outskirts, constantly under the threat of the titans and unable to obtain any kind of freedom, Eren’s philosophy of the need to be strong to overcome one’s enemies makes sense. The mantra “the strong prey on the weak”, that he ends up teaching Mikasa (another allusion to fascist ideology) is a biproduct of the world he lives in. He does not know of the political intricasies outside the walls. All he knows is he must kill the titans.

Eren’s titan is described as the “manifestation of humanity’s rage. It is huge and monstrous, and could be seen as a metaphor for vengeful hatred in general. Keep that in mind, it’s relevant for the ending.

This manufactured and false black and white worldview shapes him as a character, and it’s what eventually, after the arrival at the much desired ocean, leads him to this:

“Will we finally be free?”

In the continuation of the story, Eren falls toward the dark side more and more, to the point of committing atrocities and war crimes that are explicitly framed as being similar to what he suffered as a child (see his actions in Liberio). He even acknowledges that, telling Reiner, the person who committed said war crimes against him, that he essentially has no hard feelings and understands that the two of them are similar, doing what “needs to be done”. The character of Gabi, who, after what happens in Liberio, becomes obsessed with revenge against the Eldian “devils” is meant to be a foil for Eren, and his obsession with killing the titans after what happened to him. 

Extremely interesting is the way in which certain ideas and images are flipped in the later seasons. Namely, in season 4, we see a character who idolizes Mikasa and supports Eren’s plans in a scene where she spouts the same mantra of “the strong prey on the weak” and says that Mikasa saving her is what showed her that only with strength she can defeat her enemies. Mikasa tells her to shut up, and she proceeds to do the salute, that has been so glamorized by the show’s openings thus far. Now, it is done by a person from a military faction with a fanatic worldview. The direction doesn’t glamorize it at all. It is a nuanced, almost masterful deconstruction. 

Levi, who has always looked for reasons for why his comrades had t die, justifying their heroism and convincing himself that their deaths were not pointless, ends up here:

At this point, I was in love with Attack on Titan. From here, it only figures that Eren ends up attempting a genocide of the people outside the walls. He has essentally become what he hated the most, and he’s a natural result of the world that created him. Despite his noble intentions, he has turned into a monster. Mikasa, the prerson who loved him the most, completes her character arc by killing him, thus rejecting her blind devotion to him and being free, while at the same time continuing to love the person he once was. It’s a sad and tragic ending, painting Eren as a tragic character and making a pretty strong political point, despite having a few mixed metaphors.

And then, chapter 139 came out...

And Eren apparently pulled a Lelouch. This is a “I purposfully turned myself into a monster to save the world and make my friends into heroes for killing me” kind of thing. It is important to state that the manga makes it clear that Eren would have trampled the world even if they didn’t stop him, because of his urge to be free. However, that urge, that fighting spirit, end up being a good thing. The death of our heroes in battle apparently wasn’t pointless after all. They say goodbye with a salute

The Yeagerists, who were previously framed as fanatics, end up in charge of the government

It is important to state that the real event, the catalyst of the ending, is that killing Eren, who has turned himself literally into the manifestation of humanity’s rage (which has now, through the intricacies of the story, taken the political meaning of hatred and intergenerational trauma), eliminates the power of the titans. The titans are no more. This, in of itself, is good, and in keeping with the spirit of the political commentary thus far. However, the war, is still not over, and Eren’s mantra ends up being correct

So the only way for the war to end is one of the races to be wiped out? 

Also, despite Eren’s genocide being wrong, it is, in the end, justified, as a necessary evil by the story. An Ozymandias kind of moment in which the ends justify the means, but Eren himself has to die, because his crime was too great for him not to suffer punishment. Essentially, this chapter undoes all of the insightful commentary the story had made so far, by proving the ideology of its main character right. Story- wise this isn’t a bad ending, but if we take into account the political references the series has made, and its desire to explicitly tie itself with such imagery makes the ending leave a really bad taste in my mouth. What it essentally says, is that, yes, bigotry and racism are bad, yes, blind hatred is bad, but the general idea of might makes right and the impossibility of reconciliation are true. Armin, who has, throughuout the story, been Eren’s opposite, in terms of looking for peaceful solutions to conflict is rendered meaningless in the end, because him alongside with the other characters were all playing into Eren’s plans. The hearts of our main characters as recruits were in the right place, their fighting spirit admirable, and the overall worldview we are presented with in the beginning of the story remains more or less unchallenged. 

So where does that leave this imagery?

The conclusion is that one must think very carefully before including allegory in their work. I am not accusing Isayama for fascism, and I appreciate the efforts at deconstructing it throughout the story. However, in the end he did an oops I accidentally justified the mentality I was trying to condemn. I still like Attack on Titan, I believe it has artistic value and is overall a pretty good anime, I even agree with its politics to an extent. However, it is very important to critically examine the things we like, and see where they may have gone south. And this ending is that for me.

[nicetafuckinmeetcha]

I have some thoughts and ideas about my talentswap and I am gonna share them bc I haven’t got many other places to put it SO:

My thought process behind making Taka the Ultimate Idol was that idols work tirelessly to stay relevant and make sure their music and performances are perfect, since it’s a fierce industry that demands constant hard work to maintain the top spot. You don’t become the Ultimate Idol just by having an innate talent for singing and dancing. And since Taka values hard work over simple talent or genius I think that suits his personality quite well.

I also headcanon him with having a very pretty singing voice- though of course he’d go through vigorous vocal training that would make it even better-, and he works his ass off to become an incredible dancer (if it wasn’t obvious my inspiration for his design was Hoshi from SVT so of course he has to be a good dancer as an idol too.)

On top of that, while yes a lot of idols are saddled with debt from training, I think in this AU Taka strays from chasing a political career (though still remains heavily opinionated and informed in politics, of course) because he resented his grandfather’s path and wanted nothing to do with it, and instead became an idol because if he succeeded he would have both the wealth to repay his family’s debt and the platform to be outspoken on issues and educate younger fans. Not only that, he could also tackle the corruption within the idol system itself, which he would definitely be passionate about.

As for Mondo, this was a more self-indulgent talent swap, but it’s obvious that he takes his own personal styling very seriously. Like getting up every morning to make sure he has a well-styled pompadour and killer eyeliner? He’d be an incredible Ultimate Model. He’s got a pretty face and a great body so he would do wonders in the industry.

As for how he came to be one, it was Daiya’s doing. As much as Daiya holds pride in his gang, in this AU he wanted Mondo to pursue a different life, one beyond being a gang leader, and urged him to try out for modelling. And as much as Mondo idolized his brother and wanted to be just like him, he respects his advice and gives in to his suggestion and ends up getting in. This means of course that the race never happened, so Daiya is alive, and ends up leaving the gang like he was going to- to pursue his own life post-Diamonds.

Mondo and Taka also do NOT like each other, much like they initially don’t in the game. Mondo sees Taka as some stuck-up rich prick of an idol who thinks he’s better than everyone and Taka thinks Mondo is some cheap pretty boy who gets by on his looks alone for his talent. Any time they see each other in a magazine or advertisement they can’t help but scoff, and the media quickly catches on and run articles about their bitter rivalry often. Any time they happen to meet or pass by one another their interactions are brief and spiteful, and they often get into arguments even if they’re only in each other’s presence for a short moment.

I thought of Chihiro being the Ultimate Photographer as a way to help tie their involvement with Taka and Mondo, and since cameras are such technical things, transferring their interest from programming to cameras felt right. Learning their inner workings, the right technique and photo editing seems like a suitable swap! They could also work on improving cameras and creating their own custom, top-of-the-line camera models, so they’d still be in the tech industry.

EDIT: As I haven’t fully 100% complete THH I had no idea that Chihiro actually has cameras in their room, which just solidifies my choice!!

On top of that, being a photographer really helps you see the beauty and truth in the world around you, and I think that as Chihiro worked on learning to take good photographs they would have found the beauty in themself, working through their inferiority complex and feeling confident in their identity. In this AU I think of Chihiro as nonbinary who presents very fem a lot of the time, and has a lot of fun with their fashion! The bunny camera bag was essential too, I need more bunny themed Chihiro fashion in my life.

Also since Chihiro works with screens all the time I think they really should have glasses, if only just blue-light to protect their eyes. And they look super cute in them <3

As for how they all tie in together- Mondo and Taka are both scheduled to do a photoshoot, and neither of them realize the other is there until the day of, when they see each other literally in the studio. Chihiro, who is the photographer for the shoot, is well-aware of their long heated rivalry and they are determined to put an end to it. Basically challenges them to TRY and not argue during the entire photoshoot. That then brings about another challenge between them to see who can take a better picture, which ends up being them working together to take nice shots (with a little nudging from Chihiro), and their natural chemistry starts to come out in the photos they produce, etc. etc.

Eventually they’d realize their initial judgements about each other are wrong, and suddenly tabloids are confused when the long-winded rivalry blossoms into a passionate friendship overnight. And of course rumours would fly that they’re not simply “just friends” though of course that’s something else they have to work out between them. And poor tired Chihiro almost wishes they were back to being rivals </3

[yenafmd]

— RESTRUCTURING TASK 001: change

word count: 271 + 289 + 287 + 284 + 292 + 272 = 1695 reward: +5 tracker points

assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background.

yena has undergone quite some changes, most of them directly relating to toning her down by... a lot. most of this is thanks to the change in calypso’s backstory, where gal.actic’s concept change was rather abrupt and extreme, calypso’s is a little more balanced, throwing yena a little less off-guard. it has lead to a more natural evolution for yena to grow into her image as an artist and her own person. in famed 1.0, yena’s hypersexualized personality was very much a means of survival, having to completely swap around her mindset and construct a persona that could protect her mental wellbeing from doing something so far out of her comfort zone. none of that really applies anymore in famed 2.0, expect was a bit daunting at first sure but she felt appropriately ready to take on the change and their following comebacks have generally been a little less extreme than a lot of gal.actic’s concepts originally were. so a lot of yena’s personality is a lot more well-balanced and natural, less poorly concealed poor coping mechanisms and more genuine confidence. because their switch in concept was more gradual and she was less traumatized by it, yena also hasn’t grown as resentful and bitter towards calypso (though i’ll get more into depth about that in the next question). with the restructuring yena is al around in a much more balanced place in her life which has a great pay-off on her wellbeing and general life satisfaction, she’s much happier about the place she’s in in her life than she previously was, though she will always remain a fun-loving little wild child.

what does your muse think of their company and their group?

unlike local gal.actic anti nam yena, yena 2.0 adores calypso. the biggest reason i shortly touched upon in the previous answer, being significantly less traumatized and disillusioned by the idol industry means she hasn’t projected those feelings of hurt on calypso either, making her a whole lot less repulsed from the group. she’s the youngest member and has been with calypso for a long time, at the same time, her relationship with her actual family is strained something that made her sad at first and these days mainly angers her. because of that, she relied on calypso a lot, especially in her more formative teenage years. at this point, she’s more grown up and indepdent, not needing calypso to hold her hand and raise her as much anymore but there is a very deep rooted sense of respect and gratefulness towards them, even if she doesn’t vocalize it very often. yena is very happy in calypso and she’s very happy to continue for a long while if they’re allowed. towards dimensions entertainment, yena is a lot more... indifferent. she likes them as much as most idols like their company, which isn’t that much. she’s less outright in her hated as, again, there is less deep-rooted resentment about her idol career but that doesn’t mean she likes them. her feelings towards dimensions are probably most accurately describe as simply carelessness, as careless as an idol can get away with being that is. she doesn’t really care for what dimensions has to say or how they feel ab her life choices or whatever, she does her job and in return, they don’t disband calypso, that’s all their agreement is. she does side-eye them a little for all the military performances though.

is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract?

calypso is on their second contract by now and admittedly, yena feels a little bit silly about her stance back when they renewed their contract. she doesn’t regret signing it, she firmly stands by that decision, but a part of her had hoped that with their second contract, calypso would finally see their big break through. sure, they had started off on the wrong foot with their debut but they had come a long way since, yena had hoped that would come with a new wave of interest as they turned a new page. that unfortunately never really happened, calypso remaining at the level of not quite relevant that they were in their first term (for now, but yena doesn’t know that yet). still. she doesn’t regret it, as much as dimensions is still very much a company, a business created to make profit and care little for their idols as people, yena has to admit they have been generous, not only with not getting rid of calypso just yet as they failed to garner steady interest but also with the plenty of solo opportunities she’s been offered from acting roles to brand deals to photoshoots. from a business perspective, sticking with dimensions has always been a sound decision and it has remained to be that up until this point, making their relationship on a strictly professional level something she doesn’t have much to complain about. calypso has three more years left on their current contract so it’s a bit soon to think about it but as long as things remain the way they are, yena is very positive towards resigning her contract, hopefully with calypso but also as an individual if it comes down to that.

what are your muse’s goals and motivations?

yena has simply always liked stardom, seemingly the type that is just made to be famous. she has a liking for all things fancy and pretty and glamorous and expensive, a lifestyle that’s not exactly easy to maintain without a certain status and income. tthe ease with which she picks up new idol and entertainment related skills also very much speaks for how she was more or less made to do this, be it singing dancing or rapping (all respectively with her three lead positions) or in brancing out in modeling, acting, variety, hosting, what not, yena seems to quickly find her way doing new things and developing new skills and making them her own, the sort of radiant, confident energy that shines the best up on stages under the spotlight or under the watching lense of a camera while on set to film. something in her has just always been drawn to it, be it the lavish lifestyle, the seemingly endless stream of attention (and yena looooves attention) or the fact that entertainment and showbiz have just always interested her, something about it feels right. if asked to explain it in more eloquent terms, yena probably couldn’t, it’s a feeling more than anything else. all she can tell you is that it makes her happy and that as someone who in her childhood never particularly stood out in what her family wanted for her, being an idol simply feels right. so her goal is mainly to do exactly do that, to continue to do what she does now, a little bit of everything, some acting here, a photoshoot there, a calypso comeback there and who knows... maybe even a solo debut one day.

what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future?

the biggest conflict yena faces is finding the balance between calypso and her personal career. like stated previously, she loves calypso, adores them and they hold an absolutely precious place in her heart, that much remains unchanged. and she enjoys their music, she enjoys working together with the girls and being on stage with them but a hardened, realistic part of her knows that from a career perspective, calypso doesn’t have much to offer her (or well, so she thinks now, she has no idea what’s in store for them but well, how could she know). yena is looking for growth, both in breadth and depth, she wants to do new exciting things and further develop the skills she has with new opportunities in those fields. her solo career is very promising in that aspect, well-established in multiple fields and receiving love calls left and right with new opportunities. at times, yena can’t feel bad, guilty perhaps, very aware that she seems more excited for her solo opportunities than her work with her group at times. again, she enjoys calypso and their work but that sense of happiness feels more... passive than the excitement her personal work brings her. yena knows that at times, she does calypso short, that her singing or dancing is more less likely to suffer due to being busy or tired than she would ever let happen to a day of filming or something like that. she feels bad about it but at the same time, she does have to be realistic and think about her future, calypso might make her happier but it doesn’t help her grow much at this point. as much as she loves her members, she has to think about her future too right?

if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why.

yena couldn’t be more over the moon about the career she has established for herself throughout the years. she’s done a lot of different things in her career, something she’s incredibly glad about. yena has never been the type to be the best at something but she is good at a broad arrange of things, something she prides herself in. mainly established as an actress and a model outside of calypso, she gets to do a lot of things and experience a lot of stuff she wouldn’t traditionally expect in her group. the acting part came first, with a role in the heirs back in 2013 and well... modelling kind of followed up on that naturally, garnering attention for her pretty, doll-like visuals and she’s been doing both side by side ever since, having starred in a handful of dramas and representing a bunch of different brands. she hopes to continue to do both of those things, enjoying both modelling and acting a lot, there is a lot in those fields she still wants to do. though, admittedly, while she doesn’t want to be greedy, yena does hope she gets to partake in some individual activities that are geared a little closer to traditional idol skills. she knows she’s not the best singer or best dancer or best rapper of the group, those are skills all attributed to her unnies, but she could maybe release some solo music too no? surely there would be a target audience for that. she became an idol to perform, maybe one day she’ll get to prove she’s capable of doing that on her own merits too.

[britishassistant]

But I Like One Piece (20)

They all turn to stare at him.

“Dear? How do you know that?” Okaa-san says.

Otou-san shakes his head and sits down heavily on the stairs. “The manufacturer for those weapons is in Yukigakure. Just like the incriminating ryo left at the scene of that theft.”

Oh.

Oh sweet Merry.

She mutters, “Shika said—when we were talking about the theft, he said it had to be an inside job, because an outsider couldn’t know anything. But if they were like me—if they’d read the comic based on Konoha in their past life, they would know. They’d know almost everything even if they never set foot here.”

She swallows, throat suddenly dry. “If it was plot-relevant, then they’d know more about what was valuable and how it was defended than people who’d lived here their whole lives. They’d even know the weaknesses of the ninja sent after them, if those ninja were major characters.”

Otou-san nods. “And if he or she needed to finance the manufacture of those weapons, what could be easier than to steal something from here and sell it to another hidden village?”

She sits down heavily on the stairs.

Her heart’s pounding too fast. The side of her head is throbbing in time with the beat.

“Well.” Okaa-san coughs. “That’s mildly terrifying.”

She lets out a humorless chuckle at the understatement.

Horror wars with elation in her brain. Elation at the knowledge that she isn’t alone here.

Horror at the idea of someone knowing everything about this place and deciding to use that knowledge for their own gain. If robbing Konoha wasn’t low for them, would they stoop to manipulating Naruto, Sakura, Uchiha? To hurting them to get their way, change a narrative they don’t like?

“But Iruka-sensei said Yukigakure gave us those guns for less money than they gave them to other villages.” Naruto says suddenly. “Maybe that’s the not-Mayu’s way of making it up to us?”

“You think villains who would commit such an unyouthful action would be capable of feeling guilt?” Lee says doubtfully. “Shouldn’t we tell Gai-sensei about this?”

“We can.” Otou-san sighs. “But I’m not sure how helpful it would be. Nara-san said Yamanaka-san knew about the Yuki connection between both the theft and these “guns”. For all we know, the price reduction could be a concession negotiated between the Hokage and the thief, and we just have a morsel of knowledge about that deal which would endanger Mayu more than it would help the village.”

She fidgets, tracing the scar on her lower lip.

Lee’s brows are furrowed, his mouth pulled down in a frown.

Okaa-san reaches out and smooths a hand over his hair. “Why don’t we get Ichiraku’s and sleep on it? I think Sanji would agree we’ll all make better decisions with some ramen in our bellies.”

Naruto springs to his feet. “Yeah! Ramen’ll fix everything, believe it! C’mon, I’m hungry, let’s go, let’s go!”

It doesn’t quite fix everything, she reflects later as she descales and fillets the pike for the offerings tomorrow. There’s still another reincarnated person who robbed the village, had her father take the fall for their crime, and is now mass-producing the very weapon that killed her past self, which they can do next to nothing about.

But ramen smoothed out the crease in Lee’s brow when they all agreed it was better to tell Gai-sensei than not. It lightened the mood and made everything this day had thrown at them seem a little less important in light of the celebrations planned for tomorrow.

Their small garden is now even smaller thanks to the a large wooden structure that sits next to the back fence.

It’s a bit like a cross between a shed and a greenhouse, if it only had three walls and no doors or windows. The roof is curved and the walls are sturdy, to protect the shrines inside from the elements.

There’s a length of thick white rope fastened with red twine inside the front gable, which is meant to ensure that the shrines are protected from malicious spirits.

Each one of the shrines has a small building that is sealed automatically once the shrine has been assembled, keeping a small object for the deity to inhabit safely locked away from prying eyes. There’s a small recess before this structure, for offerings to be placed, and a little column that puts them above the eye level of a kneeling person.

They’d debated setting aside a space for the shrines in the living room inside the house, to ensure they could be protected and cared for. But she kept getting impulses of outside, of wind and rain, freedom, that eventually they decided it was better than keeping them cooped up inside.

Plus this way, Luffy can’t raid the fridge as easily.

She’s already found certain small cuts of cooked meat have gone missing. If he’s anything like the manga, then she’s not giving him the chance to clean out the entire fridge.

They’ve been working on constructing it and the shrines on weekends and in the mornings during training. According to Gai-sensei, it’s excellent practice for C-rank missions.

Now all that’s left is to paint the structure and the ten shrines housed within.

Working out what to set out as offerings for tomorrow had been a challenge and a half.

For the most part, the Strawhats can be grouped into small sections of what they will and won’t eat.

Nami and Chopper are fruit lovers. Sanji, Zoro, Brook and Usopp are partial to seafood. Luffy, Franky, and Robin are happy with beef and other land-based meats.

However, Zoro, Sanji and Brook like varieties of seafood that are difficult to get in Konoha— octopus, lobster and prawns are expensive and hard to find, while sea king meat just doesn’t exist here. At least Zoro is happy enough with a traditional plate-2-bowls meal with rice.

Robin prefers sandwiches, and she’s not quite sure if the burgers Franky loves fit into that criteria. Chopper can’t stand spicy or bitter foods, but Zoro and Robin dislike sweets.

She’s just thankful that Luffy, Nami Usopp, and Merry are so easy to feed. Pike’s one of the few fish that Konoha doesn’t need to import, so it and tangerines relatively inexpensive.

There’s no chance of combining all their preferences into one dish. Her head hurts just imagining the clash of flavors.

So she had to somehow come up with a way of creating a meal that would (hopefully) make each of the pirates she idolizes happy.

No pressure.

Chouji ended up being her savior in this respect.

And maybe Uchiha did as well, but only a teeny tiny bit.

She’d been brainstorming different versions of meals she could try making that would satisfy everyone, but kept coming up short.

The added tension from Sakura’s friendly-again-but-still-not-quite-sitting-back-at-their-table thing at this time wasn’t exactly helping her think either.

“I’ve got cola, coffee, tea, heck even sake, but still no idea on what to pair any of them with.” She complained, tapping her pencil against the list in front of her.

Chouji had leaned over, a thoughtful look on his face. “Why not make them lunchboxes? That way you can make lots of things in smaller amounts and personalize each lunchbox for each of them.”

“Hm. That is a good idea.” She gnawed on her lower lip. “Only downside is working out when I can cook what and how much time the preparation of each portion is going so everything in the bentos is relatively fresh for when it’s offered... how much d’you think eleven more lunchboxes would cost?”

She’d just begun sketching out lines for a tentative timetable when Uchiha complained, “Why do you think you’ve gotta do everything on your own?”

She looked up, a little offended. “I’m not praying for help with this, are you mad? That’d be like asking someone to bake their own birthday cake.”

“What Sasuke means,” Chouji intervened. “Is that we could always split the work three-ways between us, and bring it to your house on the day?”

She blinked. “You...you guys would help me like that?”

Chouji smiled, then made a squeak of surprise when she lunged over the table to hug him tightly. “Thank you.”

“I have lunchboxes to spare.” Uchiha drawled. “Plus someone’s got to make sure you don’t mess up.”

She had then let Chouji go so she could boot Uchiha in the shin.

As a result of this arrangement, when she wakes up on The Day, all she has to worry about is preparing the pasta for Sanji, Nami and Usopp’s lunchboxes after training with Gai-sensei.

She’s almost worried that her timining be a little delayed because Gai-sensei grabs her in a bone-creaking hug when she arrives at training and spends about three minutes weeping over how youthful she is.

He then makes them run fifty times around the village balancing the paint pots they’ll be using later to ensure that the paint is agitated enough “so its most YOUTHFUL colors will shine through!!”

They nearly lose the purple when Naruto fumbles slightly over a root.

She bolts down her food at breakfast.

She puts on more rice again in preparation for the sesame onigiri, and pulls out a pot to fill with water that’s set to boil and a pan to gently heat some oil on the stove.

She smashes a clove of garlic and drops it in when the oil has begun to smoke gently, deseeding and dicing up some chilis and tossing them in as well for flavor.

She can’t help her grin when the heady spicy-savory scent fills the air, finely chopping capers and anchovies to toss in once she’s fished out the smashed garlic.

The scent mellows somewhat when the diced pike hits the pan as well, and she pushes it around until the fish is almost-but-not-quite cooked through.

Then in with a generous glug of wine and the heat is turned down to a gentle simmer to let the alcohol cook off.

Just in time for the rice to have cooked and cooled enough to begin mixing with yellow and black sesame seeds and begin forming into ten onigiri.

They don’t have any fillings other than the sesame, because they’re designed to take the edge off the stronger flavors of the pasta (her) and the takoyaki (Chouji), as well as serve as a substitute for a sesame topped bun accompanying the hamburger steaks (Uchiha).

The others begin to arrive at around ten.

Sakura and the Harunos arrive first alongside Ino and her dad.

She shouts a hello as Naruto and Lee lead Ino and Sakura through the kitchen to the back garden, nails orange with peeled tangerine.

Ino darts forward and steals two slices, chortling in response to her indignant “Oi!” and passing one to Sakura, who grins as she nibbles on their way out.

Yamanaka-san is totally at home chatting with Gai-sensei and Otou-san, but he snickers when Nara-san immediately gravitates towards him when he arrives. Shikamaru gives her a nod as he follows the adults outside and she puts the pasta on to boil.

She’s set aside two extra tangerines for when Shino and his father arrive. After all, she, Chouji and Uchiha are making enough to feed eleven deities and many many people, so shouldn’t their insects also be able to eat as well?

Shino’s dad stares at her inscrutably when she explains her reasoning, before accepting the fruit with a nod and a “thank you” barely audible over a loud buzzing.

Shino shifts from one foot to the other during this exchange before gently tugging his father’s sleeve. It occurs to her as she drains the pot-full pasta and adds the sauce alongside a cup of boiling water to emulsify everything that this might be the closest she’s ever seen him to being embarrassed.

Chouji and his dad arrive as she’s sprinkling in some parsley as a finishing touch.

They’re both carrying huge containers full of takoyaki and cooked spring greens, and she spares a small moment to be envious of all the amazing things Chouji’s family can afford to do.

Then she launches Chouji another hug to thank him for all his help once he’s set his cargo down.

He squeaks like he did last time and Akimichi-san laughs loudly, for some reason.

Iruka-sensei and Uchiha arrive with eleven lunchboxes, two dogs, Kiba and his mum, and Hinata in tow.

Uchiha keeps sneaking what appear to be morsels of meat to Akamaru and Kuromaru.

There’s also a pale-eyed frowning boy who Iruka-sensei introduces as Hyuuga Neji, Hinata’s cousin who’d been sent along to act as her chaperone.

The boy sniffs disdainfully when they greet him and goes to stand in a corner of the garden near Mebuki, completely ignoring Lee when he waves to him.

She doesn’t think she likes Hinata’s cousin very much.

The lunchboxes Uchiha brought are black lacquer decorated with gold and red tomoe, much fancier than anything she’d been expecting.

When questioned, he just shrugs and says, “It’s just old stuff from New Year’s. It’s just taking up space at home, so it’s better off here.”

She knows better than to say anything like “sorry”, so she just pats his shoulder and says “No, that compartment’s too small for the onigiri, put it in this one.”

“That’s way too big, it looks tiny in that one.” Uchiha snaps, but with a bit less bite than usual.

Iruka-sensei looks mildly overwhelmed by all the people in the back garden. Okaa-san comes along, hands him a drink, pats his shoulder and says “They’re in my house,” in a sympathetic tone.

Iruka-sensei gives her a pitying look and knocks the sake back in one go.

Adults here can be weird.

Finally they’ve finished serving and she calls out “Food’s up!”

The adults come in to help take the larger platters of food outside, a huge plate of pasta, several smaller hamburger steaks in the style of what they’d call “sliders” in her world, and mound upon mound of takoyaki and spring greens and tangerines.

There’s a clamor outside as people begin getting their portions.

She, Chouji and Uchiha are each balancing either three or four lunchboxes per person as they take them outside.

Sakura is helping Kiba paint a pattern of cherry blossoms across Chopper’s already vibrantly pink shrine. Evidence of her handiwork on Robin’s shrine is clear is the decoration of swirling petals and the streaks of matching purple paint all over her forehead.

Ino and Naruto obviously have had a battle over the orange judging by the splashes on their hands and clothing. On the plus side Nami and Luffy’s shrines are looking particularly colorful.

Shikamaru and Hinata are splotched with green, light blue and black-and-white. Lee is smudged with brown, cyan and white paint and beaming proudly.

Shino has yellow paint on the end of his nose and is looking at the detailed illustrations of insects on the sides with pride.

The only shrines that aren’t quite done are Sanji’s, which has a blue overcoat but no decoration, and Zoro’s which doesn’t have half its roof painted yet.

“We were waiting,” Naruto says, holding out two buckets of green paint and blue respectively, “For you guys to add your bits.”

She beams at him.

Of course, Uchiha has to ruin it by immediately grabbing the green.

“What?” He says, offloading his three lunchboxes onto Kiba. “I’ll give it back once I’m finished with it.”

Ino rolls her eyes and shoulders her paintbrush, adding another orange splotch to her outfit. “Ugh. I’ll help Mayu-chan, it’s better to get it done quickly. Let’s go before the food gets cold.”

Orange, red, and yellow fish on the blue background are much more vibrant and eye-catching than green, though Uchiha does “help” by flicking the paintbrush at her while she’s distracted.

In thanks, she smears yellow on the back of his neck.

After the extra decorations are finished, Lee, Sakura and Kiba redistribute the lunchboxes to make their offerings.

The only problem is there’s eleven of them and ten lunchboxes.

“You all go ahead.” She steps back. “I’ll do the next bit.”

Each one of them place the pirate lunchboxes down in front of the shrines and step back.

For some reason, she feels like traditional prayers and chants appropriated from the sage guy won’t really be all that welcoming to them.

But then, what? What could help them feel at home at these shrines, so far from the sea?

Her gaze falls on Brook’s shrine.

Oh.

Oh, well it’s obvious when it’s put like that, isn’t it?

She just hopes she remembers the words correctly. She doesn’t want to butcher them on accident.

“Yohohoho, yohohoho~ Yohohoho, yohohoho~”

Her voice sounds frail and quiet, and she can feel everyone’s eyes on her. Still, she stumbles through the last two refrains of yohohoho’s to the first verse.

“Binksu no sake wo, todokei ni yuku yo, umikaze, kimakase, namimakase~ Shio no mukou de, yuhi wo sawagu, sora nya, wao kaku tori no uta~”

Naruto joins in on the next verse, singing along slightly out of tune and mixing up some of the words.

His cheeks look as flushed as hers feel, and it’s hard not to giggle when they catch each other’s eyes. Somehow they both manage to keep singing.

Gai-sensei and Lee boisterously shout DON alongside them as they join as well, Gai-sensei’s voice strong and sure, while Lee’s volume makes up for any deficiencies in wording. She almost can’t hear Okaa-san’s melodious voice and Otou-san’s decidedly tone-deaf one join in on the second set of Yohohoho’s over their noise.

Sakura and Ino’s voices are both high-pitched, but they carry the tune well enough. So does Kiba, though he’s pitching up to a falsetto for some reason. Hinata’s voice is soft, but she’s genuinely singing, unlike Shikamaru and Sasuke who’re mumbling through all the bits apart from the yohohoho’s. Shino is monotone if precise and enthusiastic, while Chouji has a surprising set of pipes on him.

Akamaru is just howling to the beat. And with that accompaniment, how could anyone stop themselves from singing along?

It feels like more people than could possibly fit into their house and garden are bellowing Bink’s Sake together by the time they’ve reached the third set of Yohohoho’s.

It can’t exactly be called “harmonious”. Everyone’s a little out of tune, a little off beat.

But the mixing of all the voices of her family and friends feels so right, it makes her voice stronger, lets her sing louder.

She opens her eyes and nearly chokes on the next note.

Hovering in front of the brightly painted shrines, slightly faded but gaining color and substance with every passing moment, They stand.

Merry appears in all her glory, as if in mid- sail. Brook is playing his violin, a foot tapping to the beat. Franky is winding up for his SUPA pose, grinning broadly. Robin is resting a hand on Chopper’s hat. Chopper himself is peeking at them the wrong way round from Robin’s leg.

Sanji’s tapping out his cigarette with a grin and giving a small salute. Usopp is waving to them, like a captain would to his 8,000 followers. Nami’s blowing a kiss as if to adoring fans.

Zoro...is climbing over the garden fence and jogging to take his place in front his shrine next to the others. Nami shoots him a Look while Luffy laughs at him, sitting in mid air and clapping his feet together.

The Captain of the Straw Hat Pirates then turns to her and gives her a wide grin.

She blinks away tears as he and his crew fade away with the last notes of the song.

The food in the lunchboxes is gone.

The food on Naruto’s plate is also gone.

In fact, all the food in the immediate vicinity appears to be gone.

It’s just that Naruto looks down at his plate and yells in indignation first.

She lets out a wet laugh. “Darn it Luffy.”

[beneaththesoftcloud]

Everybody’s posting thoughts on the yugyeom situation rn and we don’t know for sure what’s going on but for me personally it just seems just a bit more bitter than sweet because I’m a group stan more than anything so like I obviously want the best for the members but I care about the whole group and the group dynamics and the members that could potentially be left behind and just like the general outcomes and factors that could come into play when considering the whole group.

I kind of wrote a long post here but I guess I just have kind of complicated feelings on everything? I think it’s just from being a fan for so long and having so many big eminent changes in the horizon. But anyways since my opinions are kind of long and meandering I put them under the cut but!! these are just my personal opinions on my personal kpop blog idk that anyone else will relate or not? don’t send me hate for not being cheery, if you’re happy with the news i salute you

So like for me personally, I discovered kpop through exo right at the end of 2015/ beginning of 2016 and things were just kind of different back then. Kpop just kind had a different flavor I guess? Like gen 2 groups were still active and gen 3 was kind of just coming into themselves. And I was lucky to come into one of the last big exo promotions at that time because after monter/ lucky one sm started to do less and less for them (flash forward to chanyeol and sehun having to book their own schedules and self promote by calling radio shows and asking to be guests). They became really important to me and they still are even though it’s just not the same anymore. I still support them and I support ALL of them. the company seems to forget certain members exist and that’s frustrating when you care about all of them and you love the group’s sound and dynamics so much.

Because exo kind of gave me an intro into the industry I started to learn about other groups and got7 really stuck out to me and became a special group to me.  And I’ve been relying on them all this time and they’ve always been there. Like they make me laugh when I watch their content and when I need to sleep I can play old lives and when I’m stressed or sad they really help pick me up. They had so much content and there was something to look forward to all the time and it was nice to always have that.

So like I’m not sure how to say this but exo is super important to me in one way and got7 is super important to me in another and the idea of having both of them kind of dwindle down isn’t the greatest, you know? They’ve both been having less and less promotion because both companies are following the industry trends and pushing newer groups. This is expected but I don’t like it I know why it’s happening and I just don’t work that way, I have loyalty to the voices and the personalities and the people in the groups I love. I can’t just forget about them and move on to a random gen 4 group without feeling a huge loss and a bit of bitterness toward the respective companies that prevented them from moving forward, this is just my personal feelings on the matter. 

I do understand why members would want to avoid the ditch their company is pushing them towards so they can stay relevant and continue on as artists. But the fact that they could potentially cease as a group is like....well I’d lose something precious to me. Both groups have a lot of talent to offer and you can see how much they want to use it and it almost seems like their comanies are working against them at times? It’s like... the companies are kind of working against themselves because they’re ignoring the fiscal possibilities that certain members could be bringing in for them if they had the chance to work and create and utilize their talents and training? both of these companies are doing this and it doesn’t make sense to me?

so like, for me personally, the future of both groups look a bit hazy and it’s just disheartening because i don’t know where to go from here. We don’t know the future of exo it’s like they’ve already been up in the air for a while and all the the members would have to cycle through enlistment for us to really know if they’re being shut in the sm dungeon (as a group, not as soloists) and that’s going to be a long time of this funky limbo period in the meantime. And for got7 it’s just like anything could happen at this point i really don’t know what to anticipate. There’s just so many variables, it depends on if anyone stays at jype and if they go to other companies that’ll have to all coordinate if they’re going to do group activities, and that’s if none of the members decide they want to focus on a different part of their career like fahion, acting, streaming, ceo, etc. or like, retire and get married or whatever in the world they’d like to do after having to spend so long living the idol lifestyle. like any of those options make sense and they don’t owe us anything, they should live freely. but that doesn’t mean i won’t miss them a ton, you know?

So I guess it just all seems like a lot to consider and I think people are all over the place in terms of opinions about all of this but I can only barely speculate what it’s like to be in their shoes and so I just kind of choose to look at things mainly from my own perspective which is that some things I care deeply about exist/ are about to exist in a different way than they have been and it seems very natural to me that my response to that would be to miss them and to feel less than celebratory about that loss/ potential loss.

[kihyunswrath]

Another reminder to Monbebes

i’ve been talking about this a lot before, but i just have a feeling that every now and then it’s good to bring up this topic again.

(and yes, I am going to talk about ot7 because this is relevant to all of them anyway and also wonho will never not be a monsta x member end of discussion.)

kihyun is not a “mom” just because he maybe washes his hands after he visits the toilet, unlike a whopping majority of men. he’s just a decent person with a radiant personality, and him being neat is simply one of the thousands of different things that define him.  

shownu is not a “dad” just because he isn’t very talkative, as if that’s what being a dad means. he might not be all over the place, all the time, and that makes him a calm, nice person with thousands of other personality quirks, many of which totally contradict the things i just mentioned.

hyungwon is not the “sleepy one” because being tired is not a personality trait. he just needs more rest than the others and he is given way too little, and that’s why we barely know who he is and what he is capable of.

minhyuk is not just “chaotically dumb”, he is just energetic and optimistic, alongside with qualities, quirks and talents of which we have absolutely no idea, and of which he is not even planning to share with us anytime soon. 

wonho is not a “kind monbebe fan” or a “sexy hoe” as if he doesn’t have a full blooming personality and a deep character to him outside of that dichotomy, character that doesn’t have anything to do with how he performs and presents himself in front of us. he doesn’t just exist through us, he is a full human being who at times doesn’t give a single flying fuck about any of us and that’s actually a great thing.

jooheon is not a “fierce performer” or a “scaredy-cat” or whatever the hell people come up with when they try to fit him into a box because he’s not a concept or a comic book character, but a passionate human being with a lot of interests, talents and fascinating details, many of which he might never share with a single soul, and that’s absolutely amazing.

changkyun is not a “weird genius” or a “furry”, he’s just a brilliant personality who sometimes thinks in unconventional ways, and other times he’s just a plain old boring person with absolutely nothing to tell you, because he, just like every single human being, is allowed to be contradictory and complex.

and of course, their group dynamics does not easily fit into a nice narrative either. they might be a family, but there are no “children” vs. “parents” in this group, they are all grownup and capable of being responsible adults while still leaning on each other for support. they might fight sometimes, but there are no “toms and jerries” in this group, just people who love each other, sometimes with clumsy, backhanded compliments and awkward silences and other times with fiery smooches, lan parties, forceful cake feeding and make-an-ugly-face-one-two-three-selfies. 

idols are not characters, or brands, or two-dimensional .gifs, they are people. and just like every single person in this planet, they too evade characterizations, classifications and categorizations. they transform, develop and grow every single day, and they remove their old skins, and they turn their private faces away from us. they are truly unique, talented, intelligent, fascinating human beings, but at the same time, they are just like us, boring ass pretentious and tired people, and that’s ok. 

everything i just said about each member, every word i wrote within those quotation marks? those could be used to describe all the other members as well. they’re all sleepy. they’re all silent and scared sometimes, and optimistic and smart in other times. in some contexts they’re all caring fussy “moms” who go overboard with details, and in some other contexts they just lie down messily on a sofa and pick their nose and ponder philosophical questions. 

they are many things at the same time, and there’s no need to try to fit them into a convenient mold, or try to find a characteristic that truly captures their essence.

there is no such characteristic. and that’s ok. 

stop trying to describe them so badly, stop trying to paint them with narratives. narratives may be handy when you write a nice piece of fanfiction, but monsta x members are actual breathing living beings. narratives you create will amplify unnecessarily, and they won’t just become the only thing you see when you look at the boys, but they will also affect their life. and then the boys will have to spend all the rest of their energy trying to shake those defining words off their shoulders instead of actually doing things they want to do. 

no one is exactly like you have pictured them in your head, and the faster you realize that, the faster you see those amazing little rebellious and non-conforming details about them they show you when you finally know where to look. 

[utaprifanzine]

Concept Pitch: Prismatic v2 + Fantasy AU Zine

(Quick reminder that secondary admin applications are also still open! So, if you’re interested in helping us out with the project outlined below, feel free to apply here!)

To start, I want to clarify that either project, regardless of it we go forward with only one or both, would not be starting until next year.

This concept pitch is being released now, rather than closer to the end of the year, because if we do go ahead with both projects, there will be a smaller round of applications in November in preparation for the main round of applications in February. This will be explained in further detail below the cut.

There is also a feedback form (link) for this pitch that we’d like to ask everyone interested to fill out. As per last time, if it gets over 70 responses then we’ll do at least one of the zines, but whether or not we do both and/or how we do them will depend on the responses.

Two main things will be decided by the responses in this form: -> Whether or not we do both projects or just one (four possible scenarios explained below the cut) -> The exact theme of the AU zine (“ ”)

 The following information will be split into three categories: “Zine Content”, “Applications”, and “Possible Schedules”

“Possible Schedules” is where you’ll find all four advancement options outlined and explained, and “Zine Content” will contain the possible themes we’re looking at for the AU zine.

That being said, this will still be a strictly non-profit project (not affiliated with a charity), and the content rules set in place for the first volume of prismatic will not be changing. 

However, we will allow submitted AUs to have more mature plots/themes as well as implied/referenced ships provided that the content produced for the zine does not contain those themes or those ships (i.e. if the plot for AU ends in a particular ship, that’s fine, as long as the final writing/art that goes into publication for the zine is generic. Your AU won’t be penalized in the application review for simply containing ships or mature themes).

 There’s a lot of information below the cut, so we’ve highlighted the most important pieces in bold!

Zine Content

In this section, we’re going to be talking about each zine in it’s own subsection, so that it doesn’t get confusing. Prismatic first, followed by the AU zine.

Prismatic V2 (Working Title)

This would be a second volume of Prismatic. It would pick up where the first volume left off and cover the next 7 gacha and 14 events leading up to (and including) the 1st anniversary of the game. The cover, prints/merch, and overall design would be based on the “My Only Prince” UR set.

All events/gacha will be represented by a double page spread, that has an A4 illustration on the left hand side and a piece of flash fiction on the right. The MOP gacha will have four double page spreads (for a total of eight pages) that would feature four A4 illustrations and four pieces of flash fiction. The estimated page count is 60.

The gacha and events to be featured are as follows:

 Gacha:                                                                           Events:

Cheerful & Happy Valentines                                         The Confused Soloist

Grateful White Day                                                         Aqua Crystal

Shining Sports Day                                                     Inspector Kurusu’s Pursuit

Fantasy Circus                                                         Professor Renarty’s Scheme

Caught in the Rain                                                        Shining Solo Series Cecil

Marine Festival                                                             Shining Solo Series Tokiya

Glittering Summer Festival Night                                         No More Say

MOP: A Class + Cecil                                                          No More Bets

MOP: S Class                                                             Shining Solo Series Masato

MOP: Reiji & Ranmaru                                                        Resolute March

MOP: Ai & Camus                                                           Renegades in Unison

                                                                                    Starflowers Bloom at Night

                                                                                            Steal Your Heart

                                                                                      Shining Solo Series Ren

 As far as contributors, we would have 25 writer slots and 45 artist slots, the latter including print, chibi, and cover artists.

  AU Zine

This zine would feature fanmade AUs involving the Utapri characters.

There would be six featured AUs (two per idol group, so Starish, QN, and Heavens would all be represented), that would have eight pages each; four for art and four for writing. There will also be a four page story to go with the cover design, but the cover (and, by extension, the cover story) will depend on the final theme for the zine.

We’re looking to make this zine fantasy-themed, and have narrowed down three distinct themes that we could use. You can vote for your favourite one in the feedback form!

Possible Themes: -> High Fantasy: Mythical Creatures and Magical Powers -> Dark Fantasy: Monsters and Mayhem -> Urban Fantasy: Steampunk and Sci-fi

 The estimated page count for the zine is 64 pages, and we would have contributor slots for 7 writers and 20 artists (incl. cover, chibi, and print). There would be three contributors working on each AU – one writer and two artists – and the creation period would also be longer.

  Applications

Once again, this section will be split into two subsections for each zine!

 Prismatic (“regular” applications)

Applications for Prismatic would be our main application period and would be open for three weeks (last week of Jan 2020 through Feb 15 2020).

The process would largely be the same as it was for the first issue, with separate forms for artists, writers, and cover design. However, in response to feedback from our first zine, there would be changes to the limitations on those forms.

Firstly, artists will be able to submit more than 5 samples, provided that all their samples are in one folder. There will also probably be a limit in the total number of samples/images, but that will be decided later.

For writers, we will be introducing a limit of 5000 words across all submitted samples per application. This means that the total word count of all the samples a writer submits for their application must not be greater than 5000 words.

Secondly, unlike last time, at least one of a writer’s samples must be a stand alone piece that does not exceed 1000 words, given that the pages you’d be applying for would be flash fiction pieces of 500 words or less.

The applications and review would still be done by page, so your application would only be reviewed/considered for the specific pages that you select on the form. However, since this time we know in advance that we’d be accepting print and chibi artists, artists will be able to select which positions they would like to be considered for.

  AU Zine

If we go ahead with the AU zine, there would be two opportunities to apply as a contributor.

The first application period would be held over the entire month of November, and would only be for interested applicants to submit their AU ideas to the zine. We would be holding this round of applications separate to “regular” applications in order to pin down which six AUs will be featured in the zine, so that we can allow interested contributors to apply for both zines at the same time in February, during the main/second round of applications.

As mentioned before, there would be three people working on each AU, but one of these three will be the creator/owner of the AU. They can be either the writer or one of the artists and would also be submitting samples of their own work alongside their AU information, since they would also be required to be a contributor, should their AU be chosen for the zine. We would not be accepting AUs without their creator.

 To submit an AU idea, applicants would need to provide the following information on their AU:

-> a character relationship chart -> rough outline of at least three plot/story arcs (among these, there must be at least 1 main plotline and 1 subplot) -> character designs for each member of the group to be the focus of the AU (can be rough sketches/concepts) -> description/explanation on the lore of the fantastical elements of the AU (dependent on the type of fantasy we settle on for the theme) -> basic worldbuilding (incl. social hierarchies, environmental information, general landscapes and territories, historical information relevant to major plot points/places/characters) -> brief backstory for each member of the group in focus

(It’s also worth noting that the submitted AUs must be noticeably different from any similar existing official utapri AUs or collaborations. i.e. you can’t submit a vampire AU with the QPot Sweets Vampire designs and you can’t submit a Pirate AU that has the same plot as Pirates of the Frontier)

(you will also be allowed to submit an AU that you’ve already posted content for online. However you will be required to produce new content for it should it be accepted into the zine)

 The idea behind having all these requirements, is to show us that you, as the creator, have fleshed out the AU enough so that a writer or an artist can easily write or draw something for it using the information that you already have. The two contributors that would be working with you to produce content for the zine are not responsible for creating/fleshing out your AU for you and should ideally be able to work from the information you already have.

You will also not be expected to uphold a high level of quality for the positions that you are not applying for. That is to say, if you submitted your AU and are applying as the writer for it, don’t worry about the quality/skill level of your artwork. Likewise, if you’re applying as an artist, don’t worry about the craftsmanship of your writing.

(We’re also looking into providing templates for people to use for the AU application, to make the process easier).

 After the six AUs have been picked, the types of AUs (i.e. Starish Vampire AU, Heavens Pirate AU, etc.) and the remaining positions for each would be announced before “regular” applications in February and interested contributors would be able to apply for those positions at the same time as Prismatic. Both would be available on the same application form.

However, unlike Prismatic, the owners of the AUs will not be announced until after the main application period is over, to prevent people from applying to contribute to a particular AU just because a specific person created it.

   Possible Schedules

 The whole idea behind running two zines at once was to not only allow more people to participate, but also to avoid running a zine where the contributor slots were too few and too limited (as is the case with the current concept for the AU zine). 

My original planned schedule was to run both at once, have pre-orders for both open at the same time, and have both release on the same day for the sake of simplicity - however, this hypothetical schedule received a rather mixed response, particularly in regards to selling both zines at the same time.

In response to this, I’ve instead planned out four possible schedules going forward: two where both zines are done, and two where only one of the zines is done. In terms of feedback, I’m asking anyone interested in either contributing or buying the finished product to read over schedules and consider which one you think is better, then let us know on the feedback form! 

Ultimately, this is purely a passion project for the fanbase, so it does matter a lot to us what you all think is best.

 Schedule #1: Both Zines Run at the Same Time This was the original concept, where both zines were run, went up for pre-order, and were released at the same time. The rough schedule was: -> November: 1st round of applications (AU ideas only) -> December: AU ideas reviewed -> late January – February: Main applications for Prismatic & AU zine are opened, closed, and reviewed -> March 1st: creation period begins -> late April: Prismatic final submissions -> early-mid May: AU final submissions -> late May: pre-orders open (both zines) -> mid-June: pre-orders close (both zines) -> mid- July: both zines release

 Schedule #2: Both zines are released separately

The idea here was in response to the concern of having both zines for sale at the same time and scheduled for release at the same time being counterproductive to the success of the project, given the utapri is still a relatively small fandom in the west. For this variant, the schedule remains the same, right up until pre-orders open: -> late May: pre-orders open (Prismatic only) -> mid-June: pre-orders closed (Prismatic only) -> mid-July: Prismatic releases -> mid- August: Prismatic contributors can post their works online -> mid-September: pre-orders open (AU only) -> mid- October: pre-orders closed (AU only) -> mid-November: AU zine released (US orders sent) -> mid-December: International AU orders sent

*Note: the delay in shipping between US and international orders would be due to Jinx being in the US from mid-August to mid-December. No-one wants to ship internationally from the US. It’s a nightmare.

 Schedule #3: only Prismatic runs

In this case, the schedule would remain the same as it is in schedule #1, except that any AU-only related dates would be taken out, since Prismatic would be the only zine running.

 Schedule #4: only the AU zine runs In this case, the schedule would remain the same as it is in schedule #1, except that any Prismatic-only dates would be taken out, since Prismatic would not be running.

In addition, here we would also have the option of either running a double volume of the AU zine (i.e. take all the specs outlined for the content and double it) or producing two volumes, each with a different theme. If this is your preferred schedule, make sure to vote for which option you’d prefer!

 And that wraps up our concept pitch! Thank you to everyone who’s read this far and please consider (if you are able and have the time) to fill out the feedback form to let us know what you thoughts are for this project!

Sincerely,

The Utapri Fanzine Team

[aislinceivun]

Not super relevant just yet, but I thought I’d put out a feeler.

I don’t have high hopes, given the volume and the… hmm, shall we say, niche pairing, but. Does anyone feel like selling their soul beta reading an absolute beast of a DekuMight fic? If so, please DM me.

Currently sitting at 10/23 chapters, 145k. (You thought I was kidding about the volume? I wasn’t. I’ve been tackling this monster for over a year and the end is still far away.) I’m devoting December to do a first round of edits, and then the first half will theoretically be ready for proofing.

Summary, content warnings – do read them, this has some heavy stuff! – and excerpts under the cut.

I’m an ESL writer so I always feel more confident when a native speaker checks my SPaG. (That said, I’m going to start publishing this eventually whether someone volunteers or not :D)

Thanks!

Relationship: Midoriya Izuku/Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Midoriya Izuku & Todoroki Shouto

Tags: Underage, Drama, Angst, Romance, Slow Burn, Age Difference, Cross-Generation Relationship, Student-Teacher Relationship, Awkward Crush, Pining, Dubious Morality, Bad and Questionable Decisions, Touch-Starved, Guilt, Self-Esteem Issues, Mental Health Issues, Body Dysmorphia, Medical Conditions, Chronic Illness, Inko is a Badass Mom, Endeavor’s A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Friendship, Queerplatonic Relationship, Missing Scenes, Canon Compliant until the end of the Remedial Course Arc, (just y’know - with romance and smutty bits), Adolescent Sexuality, Sexual Tension, Awkward Sexual Situations, First Time, Dom/Sub Undertones, Dubious Consent as in: Izuku is 16 when he starts having a sex life, he may or may not be below the age of consent in your eyes depending on where you’re from, and Toshinori is pushed far beyond his comfort zone, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat

Summary:

If Izuku hadn’t fallen in love, they would still orbit around each other. They would have gone on growing closer as mentor and protégé, confidants, friends; the easy bond between them brimming with trust, care and devotion. With time, Izuku might have come to view him as a parental figure.

But Izuku fell in love.

And so he tugs on that bond – not to pull him in by force, but to show him that he is wanted.

The bond twists out of shape, and the earth keeps turning anyway.

--------------------

Experts from various chapters that I think show their dynamic and the general feel of the story pretty well:

“See, this kind of thinking is exactly why I fiercely believe that you’ll be a much better Hero than I ever was.” All Might smiles, and finally it’s something genuine and soft. “Fifteen years from now on, people won’t even remember All Might anymore, his deeds forgotten after the stunning brilliance that is his successor.”

Izuku shakes his head. “That’s not happening. You are a legend! People look up to you, respect you, love you! You’ve inspired entire generatio–”

“Ah, but it’s not really me they love. It’s the Hero I created. The Symbol of Peace, the Pillar of Hope… They have no idea ‘All Might’ is just a front for a pitiful man who has no idea what he’s doing most of the time and commits mistakes left and right.” He pointedly raises a brow. “Like not realizing his precious student is ready to self-destruct to make him proud, for example.”

“People would feel the same way about you even if they knew the truth,” Izuku insists, ignoring the quip. “Maybe they’d be shocked at first, but it would pass. I’m sure of it. And even if you’ve made mistakes, that doesn’t negate all the good you’ve done as a Hero. Saying ���it’s not me, it’s the Hero I created’… that’s so stupid! There’s only one you! It’s not like– it’s not like you’ve tricked people!”

“I did trick them. I’ve never been completely honest, always presented a front. What they love is the idea of All Might – the idea of someone good and righteous and infallible. Not the sad, sick old man hiding behind it. And I can understand why. I mean…”  He gestures at himself with a smile that’s more like an embarrassed grimace. Izuku would claw it off his face if he could. “The real me is hardly the hope-inspiring beacon of light they expect the No. 1 Hero to be. One day soon, the truth will come out, and believe me, kid, no one will claim to love All Might after.”

Izuku is speechless. His throat is tight, his chest is hot… His core feels bruised.

He hates this. He hates, hates, hates it when All Might gets like this. A part of him wants to cry. Another wants to grab the man and shake him until he sees sense.

--------------------

It’s his fault, isn’t it. Surely, there had been signs. Red flags. Looking back, he can spot them now… But Toshinori was so delighted to have made such an intimate connection, so relieved to have someone accept him fully that he didn’t stop to think about the potential consequences. Someone his age shouldn’t have been so eager to become friends with a teenager, let alone one who thought of him as an idol. He should have realized earlier that what they had going on wasn’t proper.

Was he so desperate for companionship that he forced it on the boy? Was it his neediness that led Midoriya to warp their connection into something it’s not, something it cannot be?

--------------------

I love you so much, Izuku thinks with despair. Whenever I see you walk by in U.A., my throat constricts. At this point, I’ll need a heart transplant by the time I’m twenty because it’s constantly on the verge of bursting and that can’t be healthy.

The other day, I dreamt about a villain who had the ability to age people up or down. She used it for evil things – turning her enemies into fragile old people or helpless babies. I knew it was bad, but I approached her and begged her to age me up anyway, even at the cost of losing decades of my life. The scariest part of this is that even after I woke up, I wasn’t convinced I wouldn’t do the same in real life.

They say first loves rarely last. That they are sweet and innocent. But that can’t be right, because what I feel is harsh and painful, and I don’t see how it would be possible to feel more. If this monstrous thing in my chest is just a “fleeting, gentle first love”, then surely the all-encompassing true love people speak of would actually kill me?

I love you, and I wish I could show that without hurting you.

I wish. I wish. I wish. Getting to know you, receiving your trust and friendship, being allowed to study at U.A… I should be the happiest I’ve ever been. But I just keep wishing for what-ifs.

The one thing I don’t wish for is for these feelings to go away. Despite everything, I don’t regret being in love with you.

How nice it would be, if I could tell you these things out loud. If you’d be embarrassed and flattered and maybe just a little bit happy instead of fearful and worried.

Izuku swallows around the lump in his throat and doesn’t say a word.

--------------------

The beeping has him stressed out and sweating within seconds. Then the line clicks, and Toshinori stops breathing.

“Hey.”

He’s never heard Midoriya sound so small and shy. He’s always been larger than life, brighter than a supernova.

Toshinori swallows before confessing, “I don’t know what to do. How to handle this.”

A sigh on the other end of the line. “That makes two of us.”

--------------------

Alternate summary: troubled “crippling self-esteem issues, my old friend” area man and besotted “horny on main” teen try to figure their shit out across 300k or more, panic only for about 80% of that

[van-dyne]

I find that playboy line funny bc like... aren't tony and pepper the only mcu couple that has been in a long term committed relationship? and beyond the thing with maya (which happened in a flashback), tony hasn't had any other love interests? that line would have been relevant, what, in the first 20 minutes of iron man 1? (not trying to bring up discourse or hate or anything, I just find it interesting lol)

That playboy line follows him like a shadow when it’s not even an accurate reflection of who he is, it’s one of those things when it gets stuck in the default setting of people’s mind that Tony Stark is a ‘playboy’, and it takes them effort to remember that he is not. The fact is that he’s been everything BUT a playboy in the last ten years, and seriously you can’t name one more committed, loyal and romantic man in mcu than Tony Stark, but some people would simply let that vague idea of who he is stay, based on a quippy one liner from a movie that was seven years ago (also ignoring the context of that one liner), than to let themselves see and realise that a character has changed and developed …. It’s sadly poetic he had said it himself in a deleted scene of Iron Man, when he was confessing to the two girls he was with in Dubai that he was actually not entirely comfortable with it, and proceed to say “You know how easy to get a reputation and how hard to lose it, and I’m not playing victim, I’m not complaining, it’s just something that occurred over time..”

He was the one who played up that ‘Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist’ persona after all, so of course he knew the price, that it was inevitable some people wouldn’t see through it and took everything he presented at face value. And part of him found ease in slipping behind that mask, because then people wouldn’t know he’s scared, vulnerable and insecure, and they couldn’t be disappointed with him when he offered nothing more for them to expect. In IM 2 he embraced the persona fully and acted his most obnoxious self to annoy everyone around him and push them away, because he didn’t want to admit to his friends that he was scared, that he didn’t want to die; because (an irrational) part of him was scared that even if he opened up to them they wouldn’t care, so he opted to toughen up and push them away first and avoid getting hurt later. The similar train of thoughts was happening In Avengers when he used the mask as his defensive mechanism, and it was what gave birth to that infamous one liner. He needed to act cool and nonchalant in front of all these new super people, because how could he possibly measure up to Captain America himself with his ‘laundry list of character defects.’ He was afraid of how they wouldn’t accept him as part of the team as previously Nat’s assessment of him had suggested, and judged him by his past as Steve had put it later ‘I’ve seen the footage, the only thing you really fight for is yourself.’ So at least acting like he was so self-absorbed and savvy that he didn’t care one bit of what others thought of him could protect him from letting the others know about his vulnerability and insecurity. 

The lovely thing is though, as movies progress, you see how this mask is slowly slipping away, when he said in IM3 ‘Now I’m a changed man’, he wasn’t just saying it, he really had changed. Being in a committed relationship with Pepper had helped him to realise that he could voice his fear and be vulnerable, as he found acceptance in her; being forced out of his comfort zone of three (3) friends and an AI, he developed an unlikely friendship with a kid, it opened up his guarded heart, he learned his capability to trust other people, reply on them, and that reaching out, asking for help, whether or not it was a sign of weakness, he had allowed himself it. Thus you start to see a more genuine and vulnerable Tony Stark in the presence of others way more often after IM3. In AoU he admit to the team of what he was scared of, he opened up to Fury about the vision he saw, the nightmare he dreaded. In Civil War, he opened up to Steve of his weaknesses, his flaws, and was practically begging him to stay, ‘I don’t wanna see you gone, we need you Cap’; to give him time (which tragically was what Steve didn’t have), so they can deal with the Accords together. He had allowed himself to be rejected, and still trying to reach out, ‘because it’s us.’ He cared a lot about the Avengers and he no longer tried to hide it behind the ‘Genius playboy devil may care’ facade, he may not be verbally spelling it out, but he let his fear, worries, guilt, sadness, be written all over his face. It’s peak Tony Stark being vulnerable and emotional and not bothered to hide, this side of him with all the emotional complexity is available for anyone who’s looking to see, and it’s amazing.

The relationship he developed with Peter took him to an unexplored area of emotions, it was the first time he felt strongly and personally responsible for someone else’s wellbeing. He may have learned to take better care of himself over the years, but having a kid who was already hundred times better than him and still looked up to him? It created a lot of internal conflicts in his mind. On one hand he wanted to provide the best he can for Peter (while not overstepping), the extremely thoughtful suit he built for him with an insane amount of web shooters combinations and a friendly sassy AI is one perfect example; on the other hand he was afraid that his involvement would ruin Peter’s life. His self doubt and guilt were stalling him from being open and emotional available for Peter, which, compare to the super suit, it was what Peter needed from him more. His relationship with his own father had not given him the confidence he needed when it came to something close to parenting, so he did what he always tended to do when he was feeling insecure, he put on the cool Tony StarkTM mask and tried to keep Peter at arm’s length by putting up a barrier (Happy) between them. He wasn’t mentally ready to take on the mentor/father figure role, but sentimentally, looking at all those things he did for Peter in silence, he was already caring and worrying about Peter like a parent would to their child. He just needed to learn to show it to Peter, drop the mask, be present, be vocal, because if Peter couldn’t feel it, love failed in communication and it wouldn’t be complete. And over the course of the Homecoming and IW, you really see how he had come to it, seeing how they squabbled and Peter was no longer looking up to him like he was an idol, but simply looking up to him for reassurance and comfort, it is so (tragically) beautiful and had everyone crying. 

Don’t ask me why I turn a simple line ‘Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist’ into a character analysis, it just happened, but he’s come so far and I’m so proud of him and it just goes without saying how beautiful how complex his character is and people who still misunderstand him by default, they’re missing out.