#But that's for a more sober me to expand upon

[cloudshuffle]

a new dawn. yan!childe

index / prev / next

You rise from a deep, dreamless slumber, tangled up in soft sheets and insistent hands. Ajax’s chest rises and falls gently, ginger lashes shut over his blue eyes, cradling you to him like his most precious treasure.

Asleep, he looks more like a boy in need of affection than a warrior.

The moon is still suspended in the sky, a silver balloon ready to burst. A glance at the clock tells you that you’ve only been asleep for about an hour. Enough time to sneak back into the cabin and pretend you've been there all night.

You begin to negotiate your way carefully out of his hold. With the alcohol no longer sparkling in your veins, you feel nothing but a vague sense of urgency to return to your cabin before anyone else sobers up and notices you’re gone.

It’s a declaration. It was exactly the sort of lovesick, foolish fairytale he’d fall for. And though you’d both enjoyed those once upon a time, one of you had to grow up. Had grown up.

A puff of air ruffles your hair, and you look up to meet his eyes, blinking slowly.

“Going somewhere?” he mutters sleepily, snuggling you closer.

You tense up so he doesn’t get too comfortable. “Yes, actually. I should be getting back before anyone notices I’m gone.”

His gaze roves around the room, as if he didn’t recognise where he was, followed by a lazy yawn. “I can sneak you off the ship. Stay here.”

You push against him and he releases you, more out of surprise than anything else. “Ajax. Be serious.”

“I am.” His puppy-dog eyes follow you as you get out of bed, collecting your discarded clothing and pulling it on. “Please?”

“No,” you reply, more sharply than you’d meant. Adjusting your outfit in the mirror, you just pray that no one can see the creases in the darkness. Or the torn stocking. Behind you, his expression is a little hurt, but it only fills you with a grim satisfaction. Good. Whatever it took to keep him at arm’s length. “Do you have a rag?”

He sighs, climbing out of bed to find one for you. You soak it with water, wiping down the parts he’d left more than just bruises on.

He accosts you on the way to the door, nuzzling a kiss right by your ear. “You’re so eager to get rid of me.” His sleep-warmed skin is littered with scars, you realise, slashes and stabs of all shapes and sizes, some pale with age and others fresher.

A pang of guilt. “Sorry,” you whisper, and then you’re gone.

────────────

Liyue Harbour dawns on the horizon, sprawling and golden in the morning sun. The roofs seem to glow, speaking of riches untold - but only if you knew where to look. Which was why the Tsaritsa was expanding her presence here, entrusting the task to her harbingers and soldiers.

High above, the Floating Palace looms like a sentry, guarding the city from celestial destruction. Your fellow soldiers gather at the side of the ship, watching in awe as Liyue draws closer in all its glory. Even your heart stirs at the sight.

Childe is nowhere to be seen, likely holed up in his cabin, doing last minute paperwork he hadn't had the chance to last night. 

Probably for the better. After… that, now there's a strange, ambiguous feeling in your relationship, one that had been carefully kept nonexistent during your time back in Snezhnaya. 

And like a wounded fox offered easy prey, you're not sure how he might strike out next.

There's a scramble of activity again as goods are unloaded, sailors prepare for docking, and you're all ushered off the ship like a flock of sheep rather than esteemed Fatui operatives. But finally you're on solid ground again, having arrived safely at the port of Liyue Harbour.

Nadia’s eyes are so wide you think they might roll out from her skull. You wonder what you all look like to the locals - foreign operatives here to butt into their business, dressed in heavy coats absolutely not suitable for the weather, looking around in awe like a group of schoolchildren. No wonder the Northland Bank was running into so many problems here.

Only once you’re sequestered safely within the walls of the Northland Bank do you begin to relax. Despite its golden walls and Liyue-esque decor, you’re relieved to see a Fatui mask at the front desk. She gives you all a tired once-over, then returns to her ledger.

You’ve been assigned to fieldwork - meaning tax collecting, outwardly, but also venturing out past the walls of Liyue Harbour and doing whatever Childe required of you. Knowing the Fatui, there was no such thing as simple tax collecting.

As you linger at the back of the group, following the Fatui senior on a brief tour of the bank, you think of what you’d seen in Childe’s cabin. Papers. Maps. Diagrams. Theories about… dragons in the water and adeptal magic? You couldn’t be very sure about what you’d seen.

You’re dismissed to your little offices to get settled in and start on some paperwork.

You shut the door, exhaling a sigh of relief. It’s a blessing to be alone with nothing but your thoughts. 

You head over to your window first, peering carefully outside. Your view overlooks a regular street, lined with other businesses, their employees stationed outside to entice customers in. You watch as a gentleman, his long brown hair tied back, strides meaningfully past. He glances up.

You duck back, holding your breath until he passes.

Enough excitement for today. You shake yourself and take a seat at your desk, thumbing through the various files and folders for you to handle. Most of them are about clients of the bank you need to keep an eye on, but they’re all normal, low profile civilians. You don’t think you’ll have a problem dealing with them.

At the bottom of the stack, substantially thicker than the rest, a folder waits for you. It’s bound in red string, full to bursting. You untie it gingerly and flip it open.

Papers spill out across your desk. Adepti, rituals, ancient ink on gold paper.

Talismans.

You feel like you’re holding your breath as you sift through the information. It seems as if the Fatui in Liyue had been doing extensive research on talismans infused with adepti magic - Sigils of Permission, more commonly known. Created by Rex Lapis and infused with adeptal power, these sigils were once used by mortals to channel divine power.

On the last page is a breathtaking hydra, rising from the waters of Liyue Harbour - no, created from the waters of Liyue itself, jaws fixed in a ferocious roar.

Oh, Ajax. What are you up to now?

────────────

“What’s that?”

You wiggle aside to make room for Ajax. There’s not much room on the windowsill, but it’s just perfect for two little children about to waste the afternoon away reading fairy tales.

“Mama and Papa got me a book of Liyue legends.”

He hooks an arm through yours so neither of you slide off your seat as you flip through the stories, reading them out loud so he can keep up.

Something thuds against your window, startling both of you from a particularly riveting passage where Rex Lapis, unable to defeat his primal foe, pins Osial to the ocean floor. 

“Ghost!” someone yells from outside. “Dead girl!”

A jarring chorus of laughs as the boys ready another round of snowballs.

“Go away!” Ajax yells back, making a rude gesture, to which he receives one in turn.

“Nikolai!” One of their mothers hurries past, gathering the children up in her skirts. “Come now. It’s time for dinner…”

Her fearful, fleeting glance isn’t lost on you, as have the looks from so many other adults. They say you’d been in the water for so long that even a grown man couldn’t have withstood it. That the cold had infected you, kept you alive to spread its clutches into your village. Some of the elders even make the symbol of warding off evil whenever you come by. 

It doesn’t hurt quite as much as it should have.

— word count: 1368. thank you for reading!

[justmeinadaze]

You Should Be Sad (Steddie X You)

Part 1 Without Me

A/N: ENTER WITH CAUTION! Like my previous chapter THIS WILL MAKE YOU FEEL! Its angsty and dealing with dark themes of addiction. I WILL STILL LOVE YOU IF YOU CHOOSE TO SKIP THIS STORY!

Warnings: Toxic Steddie and reader! Even though in the bulk of this story they are on a healing journey a lot of their toxic behavior is discussed and expanded upon. ANGST, They are sober but they still haven't truly faced all of their demons. Eddie is a former drug addict and Steve is a former alcoholic. Their previous behavior is discussed and expanded upon including verbal abuse, Eddie ODing, and smacking the reader (its just the one time but it shakes them both).

Eddie does go visit his dad in jail and of course his dad is an asshole. Eddie talks about his trauma and what his mom went through. Steve does the same when it comes to his dad and how he made him feel.

Reader talks about her healing and how they were like her drug. She talks in detail about how they made her feel especially when Eddie ODed.

I think that's all the angst. Again DARK THEMES ARE EXPLORED HEAVILY! If that makes you uncomfortable I understand if you choose not to read!

SMUT, not rough in anyway, there's still love between them and they are much gentler with her here then in the last chapter. FLUFF, I did create a happy ending. I think they deserve that <3. Not all situations like this end badly.

Word Count: 11,371

 1991

“I, um, called her mom and she said she may be coming in but I don’t know.”, Steve sighed as he wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. 

“And if she doesn’t that’s alright. You’ve been doing really well, Steven. Compared to where you were three years ago after Y/N left.” The man grimly smiled towards the group counselor.

He hated thinking about that time in his life. After you three graduated school, they convinced you to move into an apartment with them. Being completely away from prying eyes didn’t make things any better. Steve drank more excessively and Eddie continued to snort heavy amounts of his drug. Their toxic behavior amplified and every day they watched your personality that they fell in love slowly fade. 

 Three years ago, you finally had enough. You didn’t notify them in any way or even go back to the apartment to pack a bag. You just got in your car and ran from Hawkins. 

Losing you shook them to their core. A week after you disappeared, Steve went to the station and told Hopper about the accident he had caused senior year that got you hurt. They charged him for the DUI and fleeing the scene but instead of any prison time the chief got him into a rehab program. After six months of in-patient treatment, he was released for continued out-patient rehab therapy. He had been sober ever since but every day was hard. Due to his record no one wanted to hire him even though he was a Harrington so he ended up having to work at his dad’s firm. 

With everything that happened, his dad became almost worse, constantly reminding him of his failures. Every time he said something condescending or Steve had that strong urge to drink, he would look at the photo he had of you three on his desk and remind himself why he was trying to be better. 

***

His uncle watched Eddie with cautious eyes as he took an obnoxiously big bite of the burger in front of him. 

“Wayne, if you stare at me any harder you’re going to burn a hole through my brain.”

The man laughs as he takes a sip from his glass of water. He knew his nephew was allowed to drink but chose not to for his roommate’s sake. Wayne didn’t want to make that choice any harder than he was sure it was so whenever he spent the afternoon with him he would drink anything but.

“How’s therapy goin’?”

“It’s, uh, it’s going.”, Eddie sighs. “We’ve been talking a lot about Allen lately. She…she thinks I should go to the prison and confront him. Face my fears so to speak. I told her I’m not afraid of him—” His uncle’s scoff cut him off. “What? I’m not.”

“Ed…you went through a lot as a kid. I don’t know how much you remember but—”

“I remember all of it.”

“Ok, I’m just saying, when someone goes through what you went through at such a young age…it’s ok to still…be afraid.” Eddie glares down at his plate as his uncle continues. “You’re not like him, son. Yeah, you fucked up but you’re trying. My brother gave up way before he ever went in.”

The boy’s jaw tightened as he tried to keep his emotions in check. 

“I hurt her, Wayne. That night I… I was out of control. You should have seen the way she looked me…after I…It was how mom looked him.”

***

You stared at the Hawkins road sign from your parked car as you wiped the tears from your eyes. You had been gone for three years and when you originally left you told yourself you were never coming back. The night you ran was the beginning of your own personal rehab purging you of them. You desperately needed to get away from their toxicity after what happened. 

About a year after you left, you received a call from a doctor at a rehab center a few hours outside of Hawkins asking if you would be willing to come be a part of Steve’s 12 step rehabilitation program. He needed to make amends and so far only Eddie and his mom participated. You declined at the time feeling there was no point. Steve was never consistent when it came to being sober. 

Every year you got a call but this year you were surprised when your mom asked you to take part as well. 

“Steve talked about your accident and apologized for his behavior. Y/N, he seemed so sincere. I completely understand if you don’t feel comfortable coming back but it really did help me hearing him apologize especially after he’s continued to be sober. Maybe it can be a bit healing for you to.”

Eddie’s uncle kept your mom updated on his progress but amends were a lot harder for him. It wasn’t just that he was afraid to face that guilt but he felt like he still wasn’t strong enough to handle that emotion. 

You spent the last three years on a type of spiritual journey; traveling the world and having experiences of your own that didn’t include Eddie and Steve. You made a lot of new friends and got into a healthy relationship or two. You were living in the moment and for once you were extremely happy…well…happier.

Even you knew at some point you would have to come back here to Hawkins. Not just to see your family but to face the memories and everything you had been through. You needed to heal and if facing them in this controlled setting would do that then so be it.

###########

“Eddie, it’s ok.”, the counselor soothed as he watched the metalhead’s leg bounce anxiously. 

“Yeah, no. I’m just a little nervous. Is-Is she really coming?”

On cue, there’s a tiny knock on the man’s office door as the receptionist slowly opened it to tell him you were here. The boys watched as he poked his head through and said a few words to you before leading you into the room.

It took every fiber of their being not to get up and run to you, lift you in their arms, and kiss your lips. It had been three years and you were even more beautiful than they remembered. Your hair was a bit shorter and wherever you had been you were obviously constantly being kissed by the sun. You had gained a bit of weight which was good because when you were with them you barely ever ate anything since you were always in a constant state of panic worrying about them. What they wouldn’t give to see you smile again. 

Your arms remained hugged around your chest as the person in charge guided you to a seat across of them. They both looked different and, to be honest, unrecognizable to you sober. They carried a different air that made you wonder had you run into them anywhere else would you have even recognized them? Eddie still had his long hair and clean face but his eyes had more of a hollow ring around them as if he hadn’t slept in three years. Instead of the heavy metal garb you expected him to be in, he was wearing clothes that resembled his uncle’s style down to the beige colored boots. 

Steve looked like a younger version of his father and you’d be lying if you said that didn’t hurt you for him. He was wearing a suit with the sleeves rolled to his elbows as the jacket rested on the arm rest behind him. His beautiful brown hair was now wild as if he didn’t have the energy to style it anymore. Even the slight facial hair that dusted his upper lip and along his jaw line screamed that he was too exhausted to put in that extra effort. 

“Y/N, I just want to start this by saying this is a safe space, okay? You can say anything you want and there is no judgement. Usually, we do this one at a time but I thought it might be easier for you to do this with them both here.”

“You cleared it with her first right? You told her we both would be here?”

The doctor glanced over at Steve sympathetically. “Yes, I did. I wouldn’t have pushed her if she felt unsafe to be in a room with you both.”

“I do feel unsafe.” All eyes turned to you. “I…I still feel like this isn’t real. That you two are going to leave this place and go back to your apartment to do what you do best.”

“That’s fair.”, Eddie nodded as his gaze shifted towards the floor. “We had always tried to get clean but could never succeed.”

“Pfft, tried.”, you scoffed angrily as your arms hugged your body tighter.

“Go ahead, Y/N. Get it all out here. They can’t make amends if they don’t hear everything.”

“See, that’s the thing, sir. They did hear everything. I said it over and over again since high school but they ignored me and focused on themselves. It’s kind of ironic to be in a relationship with two men yet still feel lonely and unheard!”

Silence falls heavily over everyone and after a few moments the counselor clears his throat. “Steven, why don’t you go ahead?”

“I, uh, don’t know if your parents told you but I came clean about the accident. I took accountability, Y/N, like you had always wanted me to and I am so…so sorry I didn’t do that sooner. I almost killed you and…I don’t know why that wasn’t enough of a wakeup call for me but I’m still learning. I’m still…fuck…I’m sorry, Y/N. I know no amount of apologizing will make up for that or how I treated you but I think about you every day. Every day I wake and I fight to be a better man. It’s so fucking hard but—”

He pauses when he notices you staring out the window trying to control the tears that had begun to fall, turning towards the man in charge helplessly.

“What’s running through your mind, Y/N?” You shake your head but he continues to try and urge you to speak. 

“I’m just wondering…why wasn’t I enough?”

“Honey—”

“No. NO. Don’t you fucking dare, Steve Harrington.” Angerly you wipe your eyes as you turn your body to fully face him. “Waking up every day is hard for you? Good. Now you know what it was like for me for all those years. I woke everyday knowing you were going to be drunk or Eddie was going to be high. The fun part was the gamble of which men I was going to get that day. The doting boyfriends or the abusive dickheads.” 

Eddie flinched at your last sentence making you sarcastically laugh. 

“And I notice you’re still really fucking quiet over there. You may hate hearing it, Ed, but it’s true. I’ve told you before and looking at you two now I see it more than ever. You are both exactly like your fathers!” 

“I’m sorry.”, the metalhead whispered. 

“For what, Eddie?! This is amends right? Make them!”

The doctor heard Steve sigh as his head turned from you both. “Steven, what was that?”

“Nothing.”

“No, not nothing. Use the feelings chart if you need to.” 

You and Eddie roll your eyes at the same time.

“Jesus Christ, I’m angry.”

“At who? At Y/N?”

You see the answer in his face and it throws you off guard as you wait for him to explain. 

“He’s angry with me.”, Eddie heavily growls under his breath.

“Why is that?”

“Take your pick.”, the metalhead responds for him. “We got drunk and high together. I never tried to stop him nor did I ever stop him from cheating on Y/N which was hypocritical because I accused her of cheating on us all the time. I’m the one that convinced him to leave her at the accident and I’m the reason…”

“Oh, don’t stop now, Munson. You’re on a roll.”, Steve sassed.

“You’re as much to blame for her leaving as I am.”

The boy turned on his friend rising to his feet as Eddie did the same. 

“You’re the one that ODed on our floor!”

“And you’re the one that was so drunk you passed out on the couch and didn’t even wake up till after the ambulance was long gone!”

“You’re the one that fucking HIT HER!”

The room went quiet again as what they both were saying hung in the air. 

“Can we stop for the day, please?” Your small voice slices the tension in half as the counselor nods and stands to take your hand so he can lead you out. 

Eddie doesn’t say a word as he gathers his things and flies past everyone out the door towards his van before skidding away. 

“He is doing a lot better. They both are but Edward seems to struggle more when it comes to facing that part of his trauma.”

“He never wanted to be like his dad. That was one of his biggest fears.”, you sigh.

“Thank you for coming by. I would like to try this again with them and you. Whenever you’re ready of course.”

############

You sip your coffee as you sit in the booth at the diner a few blocks from your house. You had so much trouble falling asleep as all the anxieties of seeing them and being back here hit you like a ton of bricks. After what happened today, you weren’t sure if you could do another session with them but you were surprised by how it unfolded. You had so many questions about the past but new revelations gave you new things you wanted to ask. Had Steve always blamed Eddie for the things that happened? Did Eddie blame himself? They both seemed more agitated and angrier then when they weren’t sober. Why? Was it because you left or were there things they hadn’t faced yet?

“Hey Sally. Can I have some coffee please?” As you looked up from your beverage your eyes locked with Steve’s weary ones. “Hey, um, I’m just getting some caffeine and then I’ll be gone so…”

“Couldn’t sleep either?”, you asked causing him to exhale a breathy chuckle.

“Um, kind of. Eddie didn’t come home so I’ve been looking for him. Sometimes when he’s stressed he hides and smokes like a carton of cigarettes before heading to work the next morning. I still haven’t found out where he goes.”

“You two don’t go to the pool anymore?” He shook his head before thanking the waitress as she hands him his to go cup. “I may know where he is. I found him there once when his dad sent him a letter from jail. I…I can show you.”

“Oh, hon- Y/N, you don’t have to do that. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

After sliding out of the booth, you threw some money on the table and sauntered past him as you walked out the front door. 

“If anything, I’m more comfortable doing this than the group therapy bullshit.”

***

Steve sighed when his friend’s van came into view in the driveway of an old run down home.

“How did you know he’d be here?”

“This is where he lived with his parents when he was a boy. He told me once he felt closer to his mom here.”

To the other boy’s surprise, the front door wasn’t locked as you swung it open with no problem. 

“Hey! Get the fu—fuck me. Hey, Y/N. What are you both doing here?” Eddie had quickly risen from the long-abandoned couch when you two had come in.

“I’ve been looking for you for a while, Ed. She volunteered to show me where you might be.”

“Why?” You don’t say anything as your eyes scan him over. “Well, I’m here. I’m safe. I’m fucking sober.” He flashes you both his vest pockets before turning in a circle to show you everything else. “So, you can go back home.”

“Why are you so angry?” Your tone was anything but subtle and slightly loaded with contempt as he tilted his head at your question. “You both seem more on edge now than before I left but especially you Eddie. Why?”

His face flashes through multiple emotions before finally deciding to be honest instead of shutting down. 

“I feel the same way he does. It’s my fault that everything happened. It’s my fault…you left. I don’t deserve to be happy.”

“I don’t know about that.”, you grumble as you cross your arms. “I think you should feel bad about our time together… you and Steve. I think you deserve to be happy but you have to feel what I went through first before you can and it seems like at this moment that frightens you both but especially you.”

“Y/N, look at me! Him and I have fucking crawled our way to sobriety. Steve confessed to the accident and I talked to my uncle like you wanted. We both went to rehab and talked about our feelings and shit. We suffer every fucking day to be better! I mean…”

“I wanted accountability, Eddie. I’m proud of you two for how far you’ve come and owning up to your mistakes. I really am but you both are still avoiding the reason you turned to your vices; the reason you treated me like garbage. I carried your burdens for you for almost 7 years. It’s time for you to face them and move forward. Be happy.”

“Are you happy?”, Steve asks from behind you.

“I’m happier than I was… I still struggle with my self image and identity without you two.” 

“I’m sorry I don’t understand. We always thought you were way stronger than we ever were. That you had your own powerful identity.”

“Which is why we always thought at some point you would realize you were too good for us or…or someone else would see that and take you away.”, Eddie sighed, disappointed in himself. 

“I almost died but still stayed yet Eddie almost died and that was enough for me to run.”, you shrug as your voice cracks. “You two were my everything. I felt like I couldn’t breathe without you. You were my vice.”

###########

“Where the fuck have you been?!”

“Jesus, Eddie. I was with my mom and I told you both that!”

“Really? You were with your mom until 10pm?!”

“YES! What do I have to do to prove to you, Eddie Munson, that I don’t want anyone else!!”

The metalhead rolled his eyes as he took a seat at the table and snorted the powder he had separated on top of it. 

“Maybe, if you followed through and stop doing this bullshit you’d actually fucking hear me.”

“Watch your mouth, Y/N or I swear to God—”, he warned as he stood up again. 

“You’ll what? Inhale another line and call me a whore?”

“Stop being a whore and I won’t call you one.”

You sarcastically laughed in his face. “Well gee Ed. I need someone to satisfy me since you or your drunken partner in crime can barely seem to get it up anymore!”

Your eyes snapped open as his ringed hand flew across your face, panting as you tried to catch your breath. It had been a while since you had that dream but you thought about that night often; the night he crossed that line. You could still feel the sting of the metal against your skin but what always stuck with you was Eddie’s face after. He regretted it immediately; not even the drugs could block out that. 

You had turned and left without saying a word, crying in your car as you drove around Hawkins trying to clear your head. What always stuck with you in your journey to healing was that at the time even that wasn’t enough for you to leave. Yes, you left the apartment but you had every intention of coming back. Hell, you did! That’s when things really got worse. 

A sudden knock on your bedroom door startled you but what startled you even more was who was on the other side after you granted them entry. 

“Hey, um, I hope I didn’t wake you up or anything.”, Eddie grumbled as he stepped inside.

“No, no you didn’t.”

An awkward silence hung in the air as his eyes swiveled around the room. Memories clung to everything and the bad ones pierced his heart. 

“Look, uh, I know I don’t have any right to ask you for anything but, um, my therapist has been wanting me to visit the prison to see my father because she thinks it will help me. I don’t see how but… I’ve been thinking about what you said the other night…about accountability and facing my burdens…”

“Why are you telling me this, Ed?”

A heavy exhale escapes his lips as he runs his fingers frustratingly through his hair. 

“Will you come with me to see him?” Eddie’s eyes find yours and you see something within them that you’ve seen a million times before but as he speaks again you realize this is the first time he’s acknowledging it. “I’m scared, Y/N. I don’t think…I don’t know if I can do this alone…”

Sighing yourself, you nod and he smiles before leaving you alone so you can change. 

***

“How long has it been since you’ve seen him?”, you ask as you both wait at the police station booth for them to bring out his father.

“I honestly can’t remember. I want to say since he went in but I know Wayne visited him a lot and I may have gone with him a time or two.” His knee anxiously jumps as he lights another cigarette, flicking the excess ash into the tray in front of him. “Thank you for coming with me.”

As you flash him a small smile, the door on the other side of the glass bangs open as they bring out his father and place him in front of you both. 

“Edward! Good to see you, kid. I don’t think I’ve seen you since you were like six or seven!”

“No, that’s not right. Mom would have been alive and you went in a year after she died when I was ten.”

“Oh. Well shit. You were always small for your age.”, his father dismisses him as he lights his own cigarette.

You had never seen or met Eddie’s dad but seeing him now was giving you some insight into why the metalhead was the way he was. Eddie was about ten years old when you first met him and Steve. He was always really quiet at first and if his father was the same way then as he was being now, then you understood why. 

“So, how can I help you today, son? I assume you’re here because you need something. A new hook up maybe? Rumors around town say there was a few times you and that Harrington kid almost ended up sharing a cell with me!”, he chuckles. “Why are you hanging out with that preppy asshole anyway? Upper class like the Harringtons don’t give a shit about lower class trash like us.”

It was instinct really; a long-forgotten reflex that had been dormant for three years. You reached out to hold Eddie’s hand as his dad spewed his cruelty. The metalhead didn’t visibly react but your gesture of kindness calmed him.

“I’m not trash and I’m nothing like you.”, he growled. 

“Oh really?” His father folded his arms sarcastically as he leaned forward. “You’re like Wayne now, huh? Work at the plant, call every beautiful piece of ass sweetheart. Hell, you even dress like him now.” He snarkily laughs as he lights a new cigarette. “You can dress and act any way you want to, boy, but no matter what, my genes are still a part of you. You’ll always be…a trash Munson.”

“Half.” His father’s eyes swing towards you. “Half of a Munson but thankfully its mostly the good half. The other half is his mother. They both deserved better than you.”

Blowing smoke towards the window he scoots a little closer to your side. 

“You must be Y/N. You know… you remind me a lot of my wife. She was beautiful, kind, loyal to a fault—”

“Then why did you hurt her?”, Eddie asked.

“Why do you?”, his dad snapped. Eddie knew he meant you and it killed him. “If anything, you’re worse than me because if I had driven home drunk and almost killed your mother she would have left me right then and there!” He glances your way. “You’re weak like him…aren’t you little girl?”

It was your turn to cheekily square your shoulders as you leaned forward so close that if there wasn’t glass in the way your noses would have touched. 

“You say he’s weak but he’s not the one behind bars. He’s sober and coming from a woman who knows what a man on drugs looks like I’m surprised they haven’t figured you out yet. You call him weak but the truth is you are. That’s why you never got better or tried to stay out of jail. That’s why you hurt him and his mom. Because even when he was a kid he was more of a man than you will ever be.” 

Tugging on Eddie’s hand, you pulled him to his feet. 

“Come on. I’m not going to let him keep talking down to you.”

Without a word, he followed you out without even so much as a cursory glance towards his father. 

***

You two sat silently in the driveway of your house. The street was quiet as everyone was still either at work or school. 

“I’m sorry.”

Eddie chuckled as he looked your way. “What do you have to be sorry for?”

“Eddie…even at your worst…you were nothing like him.”

His long hair whipped from side to side as he shook his head. 

“Y/N, he may have said a lot of bullshit but he was right about one thing… You were…ARE an amazing woman. Even when we were little I was always afraid that someone was going to take you away. Then as we got older and I got worse…I thought you were going to leave. Y/N, you don’t understand, I believed it so deeply that it was almost like an obsession to catch you hurting me. To prove myself right and you wrong; to villainize you so it wouldn’t hurt so fucking bad.”

His chocolate his shift towards the window as he continues. 

“Jokes on me. It still hurt like a motherfucker when I woke up in the hospital and Steve told me you were gone. Y/N, I am so fucking sorry for what happened that night. I—”

As he turned his head to face you, your lips cut him off. Hearing him talk about his feelings and you the way he was, thrust you back into your old mindset. He was hurting and he needed you. Truth be told you needed him to desperately and that was more than evident when you climbed over the middle console to straddle his lap. 

Eddie’s sober mind was screaming for him to stop, to push you off him because he didn’t want to be responsible for your pain again. But he missed you so much and how could he deny you when it appeared like you were hungry for him to make you feel better to?

Pushing up off his lap, you slid off your pants as he adjusted his seat to lean back so you wouldn’t hit your head on the ceiling. Eddie hastily pushed down his own jeans allowing his cock to spring free before spitting in his hand and stroking it along his length. 

You both groaned as you slowly descended onto him, gripping his shoulders as he took hold of your waist. No one except Steve fit perfectly inside of you like Eddie did. Even as he stretched you out, that familiar feeling of him gliding almost seamlessly through your walls till you felt your lap connect with his was almost too much. 

“Fuck, Eddie.”

He didn’t say a word as you began rolling your hips, his jaw going slack as he absorbed the feeling of you he never thought he would experience again. 

Your hands gripped his neck as you bounced roughly on top of him, his warm breath fanning your face as he panted against your lips. As his eyes locked with yours, you hoped he couldn’t see the tears that threatened to fall. Even though you were angry with them, the truth of the matter was that you still loved them. 

Even though they had hurt you all the time and made your life in the past hell, you still craved them. To you they were the lucky ones. There was a rehab and program for people with their addiction. Where do you go when your addiction is a person you love with all heart and then some? It added to your anger over the past three years and anytime you thought about them it made you furious with yourself. 

“You’re weak just like him…aren’t you little girl?”

Eddie’s eyebrows knitted together when he saw you shake your head and lean against his shoulder as you tried to ride him harder. There was something you were keeping from him but he didn’t dare ask. All he could do was thread his fingers through your hair as he pressed you closer to him while he thrust his hips up to meet yours.

“Everything’s ok, sweetheart.  You’re ok.”, he whispered in your ear. “Fuck—cum, baby, please.”

Pulling your head back, you placed your forehead on his own as your eyes squeezed shut and you came harder than you had in a long time. 

“God damn. C-Can I cum inside you?” Right as you gave him your permission, his hands gripped your sides, guiding your motions as he grunted and you felt him release his seed inside of you. The two of you sat still, your heavy breathing the only sound filling the tiny, enclosed space. 

All of a sudden, you felt like you couldn’t hold it in anymore as you fell against his broad chest and began to sob. Unsure of what to do, he acted on instinct, responding the way he used to after you two would fight and you would cry. 

“Sweetheart…FUCK! I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean what I said.” He tries to hug you but you shove him away. “Baby, please. Let me make it up to you. Let me hold you.”

As your head hung and your shoulders shook, the last of your resolve faded away and he took the opportunity to lift you in his arms, carrying you to his bed so he could cuddle you. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N. You’re too good for me, princess. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“Eddie…what do I have to do…to show you that I love you both and ONLY you both?”

“Nothing, baby. I know. It’s the blow…Fuck…you deserve better. I swear, I’m never taking another hit. I hated seeing you be afraid of me…”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I think about that night every day. Every time I have a craving or…I just remember the way you looked at me after I…”

“After you what?” You tilted back to look at him as you waited for his answer. When Eddie shifted his gaze away from you, you sarcastically chuckle as you reached over to grab your pants and keys, opening the driver’s side door as you climb out. “That’s ok, Ed. You’ve had enough accountability for one day.”, you hiss as you slam it closed and stomp inside. 

###########

Steve grumbles under his breath as he asks the waitress for a cup of coffee. Eddie had come home that day in a bad mood and slammed his bedroom door before the sound of heavy metal filled his bedroom as he angrily strummed at his guitar. 

He knew he wasn’t going to be getting much sleep tonight and his dad had been on his ass about reports he was “behind” on so Steve figured he could utilize the time to go to his office to get some work done. 

As he turned to leave, he spotted your sad frame in the same booth you were in a few nights before as you sullenly stared out the window. He should have left you alone but he couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling in his stomach that told him to make sure you were alright. 

“Couldn’t sleep again?”

Steve expected you to be startled by him with how deep in thought you seemed to be but when you half smiled and turned to face him, he couldn’t help but tilt his head. It almost seemed like you were waiting for him; expecting him to show up. 

“Something like that. What about you?”

“Uh, same. I thought I’d go to the office a bit and utilize the energy to get some work done.”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked down at your watch. “At 11 pm?”

“Yeah.”, he laughs. “My dad’s anger and disappointment operate outside of normal timeframes so…” Steve smiles as he raises his cup in your direction. “I’ll, um, leave you to it.”

As he turns to leave, however, he notices you nod and hug you’re your arms around your body. You always used to do that when you were trying keep yourself from falling apart. 

“Steve, seriously, you’re not going to be able to wake up for work tomorrow if you finish that bottle.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Y/N. I know my limits ok!? Get off my fucking back!”, he slurs as he heads for the couch. His eyes glance over you as your arms wrap around you. “Honey…I’m okay. Trust me.” You wince at his words. Trust me. If there were two people in the world who couldn’t be trusted, it was them. 

He rolls his eyes as he throws himself down on the sofa. 

“Whatever. Go mother someone else.”

“You absolutely don’t have to but would you like to come hang out with me? We don’t even have to talk if you don’t want to. You can sit there while I pretend to know what I’m doing.”

You laugh. You actually genuinely laugh and Steve feels like an arrow pierced his chest. God, he missed that sound. 

***

“Uh, just ignore the mess here.”, he mumbles as shuffles some papers aside and slides a chair over for you to sit in. Before he can hide it, your eyes notice the picture of you three on his desk. “Yeah, let me just move that—”

“It’s ok. You can leave it there.” He nods as he begins to focus on things in front of him. “How much of that day do you remember?”

Steve smirks as he pretends to write on the documents in front of him. 

“It’s one of the few days I actually do from beginning to end. Probably because the amusement park at the time didn’t allow alcohol and they confiscated my flask.”, he laughs but there’s a sadness behind it. “We took you there for your birthday and I don’t think you stopped smiling once.”

“Steve, do you really blame Eddie for everything?”

The man sighed at your abrupt question as he leaned back in his chair. “For everything? No. For you leaving? Yes. Y/N, I almost fucking killed him when I found out he put his hands on you.”

“What the fuck did you do, Edward Munson?!”

“I-I-I—”

“She just ran past me in the hallway and sped off when I tried to stop her. WHAT. HAPPENED?!”

“Steve, I didn’t mean to…I-I-I got so mad…”

Steve angrily grabbed his collar and yanked him up till his face was level with his. “Did you touch her? Did you fucking hit her, EDDIE!?”

Something in the metalhead’s eyes changed as he shoved his friend backwards off of him. 

“Don’t act like your God’s gift to boyfriends, Steven! Let’s not forget YOU almost fucking killed her!” Eddie marched into the bedroom and slammed the door while Steve furiously punched the wall before heading to the fridge to grab a beer.

“Him popping me isn’t why I left. When I drove off after you chased me, I had always planned on coming back…” You looked away as you tried to shake the memory. “Why do you work here? I figure with you trying to be sober this would be the worst place for you to be.”

“You would figure correctly.”, he exhales as he looks around. “Uh, after I turned myself in, no one wanted to hire me. I was too much of a liability so my dad gave me this wonderful slice of heaven.” You smile at his sarcasm. “Every day is hard but I’m doing the work. The group therapy helps as well as my amends.”

“Did you father ever participate in that?”

“Pfft, no. My father hasn’t changed, Y/N. If anything, he’s worse and makes sure to remind me every day that I’m a fuck up to our name.”

“You were never a fuck up, Steve.”

His honey eyes scan you over before he beams in your direction and flashes you some of his paperwork. “I don’t know. Have you ever tried going through this bullshit? It’s so mind numbing you may accidently fuck up!”

As he continues to work, he walks you through what he’s supposed to do and exactly how his dad wants it done. Steve can’t help but revel in this feeling of you being so close to him again and helping him. 

When he first met you in elementary, you were always so kind to him and Eddie. Sometimes he would come to school and the teacher would snap at him because he didn’t do his homework the night before. When you asked him about it, he would tell you that he didn’t understand the material and his father wouldn’t help him. 

“He says I’m stupid and I should know all this stuff by now.”

“Steve, you’re not stupid. How are you supposed to know it when we just learned it?”

From that point forward, both boys came over to your house to study and have you walk them through the material. Eddie said you always made it easy. As they got older though, Steve skated by on his popularity while Eddie settled with doing the bare minimum. They thought you didn’t know but you were highly aware that they would copy your answers on assignments all the time. 

When Steve had started drinking, he always smelled heavily like whatever was in his flask at the time so as he got worse it was harder and harder for you to be around him. He hated seeing you cringe every time he pulled you to his side. 

Now that he was sober, he smelled like a mix of cologne and the office space he worked in with a hint of his roommate’s cigarette smoke that you imagine constantly hung in the air. 

“Ok, let me put these on his desk and then I can walk with you back to our cars.”

You followed him to his father’s office, giggling under your breath at the obnoxiousness of it. It was way too big for one man and had a massive swanky office chair to match his comically large desk. On the walls, he had awards hung along with pictures of him with clients. 

“No pictures of you or your mom?”

“Oh, my mom made the shelf.”, he answers sassily as he points towards the bookshelf beside him. “Not too many though, just in case the newest side piece comes to visit.”

You come to his side as your eyes search through the photos.

“Where are you?”

“No, no, honey. I don’t get a photo. I’m the Harrington that crashed a car and almost killed a young girl. Can’t really make small talk about that when his associates come by.”

“Steve…”

“I mean, it’s fine.” He shoves his hands in his pockets as he looks towards his feet. “He’s right. I’m an embarrassment. I left the woman I love to bleed out in an accident that I caused because I was too fucking drunk to see straight.” With his hand, he gestures around the office. “I deserve this.”

Once more, instinct takes over logic as you tilt up on your toes and crane your neck to find his lips. It so odd tasting him now that his mouth and breath weren’t basted in bourbon or beer. The best way to describe his new taste is what could have been. The life you three could have had if he and Eddie had never found their vices. 

When you start to pull away his palms quickly cup your face bringing you back to him. His kisses came quick and passionate as he backed you towards his father’s desk, lifting you up, and placing you onto it. Rising your hips, you allowed him to remove your sweats and panties as you reached forward to fumble with his belt. 

When his cock sprang free, you wasted no time as you spit into your hand and massaged it into your cunt before he guided himself into you sex. 

Steve grunted at the feeling of you tightly clinging to him again, doing everything he could to not just cum right now. He was completely lost in you as he reached behind your back and shoved everything on to the floor without a second thought. 

You promptly laid down flat and he followed you, his mouth clinging to your neck as he thrust his hips against yours. 

“S-Steve…Oh my god…”, you whimpered as you ran your nails through his hair and under his shirt. It had been so long since he made anyone feel good in anyway. His parents hated him, people in town always side eyed him, and Eddie was just as miserable as he was. Hearing you moan his name in pleasure, drove him wild as he hoisted you further up the desk and fully climbed on top of you. 

The desk jostled underneath as Steve rolled his hips, practically punching the air out of your lungs as his fingers tangled in your hair. 

“F-Fuck, I’m gonna…”

Your pussy tightened around him as the coil in your tummy snapped and he mewled as your nails clawed at his skin. His head shot up to look in your eyes and you nodded at the unspoken question within them.

Steve’s lips connect with yours and after a few more rough thrusts he spills inside of you. 

“Are…are you ok?”, he asks as he leans up on his elbows. When you nod, he softly smiles as he brushes away some hair in front of your face. “Y/N, I’m so sorry, baby. I’m sorry for the accident, for abandoning you, my behavior when I was drunk.”

“What about the behavior, Steve? How much of it do you really remember?”

“I remember screaming at you a lot and calling you names. I called you a whore more than once—”

“Even though you cheated on me.”

Steve’s jaw tightened as he gradually pulled out of you and sat in his father’s chair, handing you your clothes that had been tossed onto the floor. 

“I was a fucking prick.”

“How much of the night of the accident do you remember?”

“I remember the car flipping and Eddie pulling my arm, telling me to run—”

“What about the night he ODed?”

“I-I…he…he hurt you and then tried to block it out by snorting his drug…”

“And where were you?” You chuckle when he looks at you with a bewildered look on his face. “He’s right, you know. You are just as much to blame for me leaving as he is. You can’t make amends, Steve, if you keep blaming Eddie for everything.”

###############

Without an invitation, your mother barged into the boy’s apartment as soon as Steve opened the door to her knock. 

“Mrs. Y/L/N? Is everything alright?”

She didn’t answer as she opened Eddie’s door without knocking. 

“Hey! The fuck?” The metalhead quickly rose to his feet following her out into the living room. 

Steve tried to grab her arm to get her attention and she promptly turned around, allowing her palm to connect with his cheek.

“Where is she? What did you two do?!”

“Where is who? What is going on?”, Eddie asked completely confused. 

“My daughter didn’t come home last night and we can’t find her anywhere! I lost my baby for 3 years because of you two! Now if you know where she is tell me NOW!”

“We swear, Mrs. Y/L/N. If we knew we would tell you.”

She shakes her head as she marches towards the door before pausing and turning to face them. 

“If I had known what was really going on at the time, I never would have let you both into my house or near my daughter. If I had known that you were the reasons her self esteem was so low…the real reason she cried so much…the reason why you almost took her away from me forever!”, she roared as she pointed at Steve. “I would have killed you two myself. I shouldn’t have convinced her to come back. You both are a poison.”

With that she left them, slamming their front door for emphasis. Steve slowly heads into his room and grabs his car keys as he lightly tugs Eddie’s sleeve.

“Come on. I think I know where she might be.”

***

“I’m sorry, Munson.”

The metalhead tossed the butt of his cigarette out into the passing street as he rolled up the window. 

“No reason for you to be.”

“No, no. You were right. I’m as much a reason for how things ended up as you are. I just… the hardest thing for me is trying to figure out why all this happened. When Y/N breaks she says the same thing, ‘Why wasn’t I enough?’. I ask myself that all the time but struggle with the truth…so I blamed you.”

“She came with me the other day to see Allen. He insinuated it was in my genes. I’m meant to be a fuck up who hurts her.” He smiles softly as he continues. “She said I had more of Wayne and my mother’s genes.” They both lightly chuckle as Eddie fiddles with the ring on his finger. “Truth is, Harrington, I think we let our father’s win. Like she said, we spent our entire lives being afraid to become them that we became the very things were afraid of.”

“I was terrified to face the things we did to her. I was terrified…of knowing and accepting that I made her feel the way my dad made me feel growing up.”

“Yeah, man. Me to. That’s…that’s why what happened that night happened. There wasn’t enough blow in the world to numb the pain of me physically hurting her, Steve.”

***

When they pulled up to the elementary school, you were sitting on one of the swings with your head against the chain. This is where they first met you, on the playground when they were kids. As they walked towards you, you didn’t move or make indication to acknowledge their presences.

Steve stopped dead in his tracks as soon as he smelled it, whiskey. 

“Y/N, sweetheart? Are you alright? Your mom said you didn’t come home last night.”

As he knelt down to your level, Eddie noticed the ring of redness around your nose and the dilation in your eyes. 

“You two aren’t supposed to be here.”, you slurred. 

“Neither are you, honey. Come-Come on, we need to get you home.”

As Steve finally stepped closer, you held up your foot to stop him and pushed Eddie backwards. 

“You know, the alcohol I kinda got but with the drugs…watching what it did to you, Ed, I was like…why would he do this…it can’t be that great… After trying it myself… Hehe…I feel nothing.”, you giggle.

“Baby…”

“Usually when I get sad… I just cry it out…maybe fuck some sexy guy but do you know what’s really kept me going for three years? Knowing…that you two…are suffering without me.” Your finger raises to point at them shakily as your glassy eyes glare their way. “You say every day is hard? Good. It should be. Every day you…drag your asses out of bed…drudge to your work and put on that fake smile…I hope it’s hard. I did it for 7 years… You should be sad. Neither one of you deserved me.”

Without saying a word, they both turned and headed back to the car. Thirty minutes later, your mother pulled up to the playground and brought you back home. After laying you down in your bed, she crawled in beside you and held you as you cried.

###############

“Y/N, thank you for coming back to do this. I really appreciate you taking the time and I know they do as well.” 

You nodded at the doctor’s words as you continued to stare into the floor at their shoes. Steve had his hand over his mouth as he stared out the window while Eddie looked towards the door with his arms folded across his chest. 

“So, um, I was thinking we could start with—”

“I couldn’t wake either of you up.”, you interjected as you continued to look at the carpet. “I came home and Eddie was on the floor by his bed. He…he didn’t respond to me so I ran to Steve, fucking shaking him and practically pulling him off the sofa but… I rode in the ambulance with him and I watched them…” A tear falls and you quickly wipe it away. “I sat by your side, Ed, and waited for hours till doctors told me you were going to be ok.”

“I kept thinking ‘What the fuck am I doing? They abandoned me and left me alone in a hospital for months. I shouldn’t be here…but I can’t leave him. I love them.’ That’s when I knew I needed to leave. I could never be like you even though it’s what you deserved. I couldn’t keep…loving you when I knew if the tables were turned…you would have left me on the bedroom floor.” Your voice cracked at your last sentence and when you finally managed to look their way both men were trying to hide tears of their own as they continued to look in opposite directions. 

The doctor clears his throat as he nervously rubs his palm along his knee. 

“Guys? Any response?”

“She’s right.”, Steve mumbled. “We would have left her there. Hell, if it wasn’t for her, I would have left Eddie there. I was so drunk I didn’t even know. I never thought he would…overdo it like that.”

“Me either.”, Eddie followed. “But I never thought I’d hit her either.”

His eyes find yours as you sniffle, grateful to finally hear him say and admit it. He was finally taking accountability. 

“Sweetheart, you always ask why you were never enough but the truth is…”

“…Baby, we weren’t good enough for you. You deserved so much better.”

You broke then, covering your eyes as you cried. The atmosphere shifted in front of you, feeling fingers delicately grip your wrist and bring your hands back down to your lap. 

“Can I hug you?”

You tackled your arms around Eddie’s neck as he lifted you from the chair and held you tightly to him. Warmth abruptly encased you as Steve hugged you both, one arm wrapped around your stomach as his other rested on his friend’s shoulders. 

***

“Hey, sweetie. How was it?”, your mom asked as you walked through the door after the session.

“It was good.”

Her eyes scanned you worriedly at your timid response. “Are you ok, Y/N?”

“Yeah, mom. It was just a heavy day. I’m going to go lay down ok?”

“Ok, baby. Are you sure you don’t want to eat something?”

“Maybe later.”

As soon as your head hit the pillow on your bed, you crashed. For 10 years, you had carried everything that was theirs making it your own. Even after you left, you held on to their burdens even though you no longer had to pay for them. Hearing them say what they said and seeing the truth in their eyes was like a weight had been lifted.

They truly wanted to get better and hopefully now they could really move forward instead of being stagnate. As you drove home, you couldn’t help but feel utterly alone. Who were you without them needing you? Even in these past three years, you were still searching for who you were as an individual but they were always in the back of your mind. Maybe they always would be. That made you feel even more lonely because all you knew was their toxic sides. Who were they now?

You were still asleep when the breeze from the open window gave you a chill that ran up your spine. It suddenly stopped as you stirred at the soft sound of it closing before being followed by what sounded like shoes quietly hitting the floor. 

You sighed at the smell of cologne and cigarettes that filled your room reminding you of many naughty nights when you were younger. 

“Steve!”, you hiss. “You can’t…can’t…fuck…”

“Can’t what, honey?”, he slurred. “Oh, you mean this?”

You quickly covered your mouth as he slammed his hips roughly into yours, hitting that sensitive spot inside of you that had your eyes rolling. 

“You have to be quiet, baby. Wouldn’t want to wake up mommy and daddy.”

You bite into your pillow as Eddie’s hand came around to press circles into your clit.

“Shhh, sweetheart. I know, I know it feels good. You can take it, pretty girl. Cum again for me, baby.”

Shouting into your pillow you do as he commands as he pounds into you harder till you feel him warm your insides. You whine at the overstimulation as he leans over your sweaty frame to grab the drugs he left lying on your bed side table.

“Don’t worry, baby. I’m not done just yet.”

You bed dipped on either side of you and once again you were encased in warmth as an arm circled around you from behind and a palm rested on your cheek. Your own limbs reached out pulling him as close to you as you could making both men groan as you began subtly grinding your hips between them. 

Soft lips landed on yours and the strong taste of coffee told you it was Steve, further proved when your fingers ran through his hair. As you turned to find Eddie, the other boy’s kisses gently trailed down your jaw line to your neck. Every single kiss and touch was delicate as if they were afraid you’d shatter like glass. 

“Y/N, open your eyes, honey.”

“Please.”, Eddie begged when you shook your head.

When you did what they ask, you were met with Steve’s smiling face. “So beautiful. Can we take off your clothes?”

You nod as you shift on to your back, allowing each boy to undress you until you were naked before them. Steve couldn’t help but run his fingers over the scar on your stomach. You were always self-conscious about it especially when God forbid your shirt would ride up or you would be intimate with a man and someone would ask what happened. He didn’t need to ask. He already knew and it killed him every time he saw it. Before you left, after he would fuck you, Steve would slunk to the kitchen to grab the strongest drink he could find to block out the memory.  Now, he lingered, letting his lips trace over the tissue as your fingers tenderly petted his head.

Eddie removed his clothing, pausing when your eyes noticed a new tattoo on his chest above his heart. 

“Never tell me the odds.

August 1988—”

“From Star Wars…the three of us saw that on our first official date and this is when I became sober.”

Tilting your head, he pleasantly sighed when your lips tenderly kissed along the ink on his chest.

“Just lay back, baby. We got you.”

The metalhead’s tongue pressed against your skin and slid down to meet his friend halfway as they both gripped each of your thighs to hold you open wider for them. While Steve’s mouth wrapped around your clit, Eddie’s tongue continued to taste your body, darting in and out of you entrance making you whimper. 

Their hands continued to roam until the metalhead took over so the other boy could remove his clothes as well. When he climbed back into your bed his hand petted your head as he attached his lips to your neck, sucking on your flesh, and making you moan as your pussy clenched around Eddie’s tongue.

Your fingers pressed his face deeper into you and his hands dug into your hips as he devoured you until your body trembled, clinging to them both as you came.

As if they expected everything to be the same, Steve turned to reach in the drawer by your bed and produced a bottle of lube that he passed to his friend. His palms cupped your face as he kissed your forehead. 

“Freshman year my dad gave me the grown man speech. ‘Son, you’re starting high school. Time to grow up and buckle down! Your life starts now.’ He then proceeded to fuck his secretary in his office since my mom was out of town. He said MY life started now but I know he meant HIS life…how he pictured it for me being just like him. I grabbed the bottle of whiskey from our bar and hid upstairs. That was my first drink.”

He lifted your leg over his hip and you both groaned as he guided himself inside of you. Steve kissed your chin down your jawline as your head tilted back when you felt Eddie rubbing the lube between your cheeks. 

“I was in town that summer before freshman year hanging out with Rick and getting some food. I tripped over something and fell against a car making the alarm blare. This woman came out and yelled at us threatening to call the cops. Rick tried to explain what happened but she didn’t care. ‘Like father like son!’. I couldn’t stop thinking about her reaction and the weed wasn’t helping… that was the first time I tried the harder drugs.”

His mouth fell open as he slowly slid his cock into your ass, gripping your waist as he kissed your shoulder blade.

You pulled them both as close to you as you could get them as they both started thrusting into you. 

“I-I loved you since the moment…I met you two.” After kissing his lips, Steve panted against yours as he mewled and his eyebrows scrunched together in focus. “You were so sweet, Steve. I-I—fuck—I fell off the jungle gym…and you ran to me…helped me.”

Eddie’s arms squeezed you tighter to his chest as you turned to kiss him, pressing your forehead against his cheek as he moaned.

“You…you made me laugh, Eddie. W-When we came to the swings—mmm—you kept telling me jokes to make me…smile.”

They both pumped into you faster and you held them both as your eyes closed. 

“You helped me…I never stopped trying to help you.”

Steve lopped his arm under knee, holding your leg up higher against his body to allow them to hit you in different angles as you turned to press your face into your pillow. You shook in their hands as you came.

Eddie gripped your bicep and grunted in your ear as he rolled his hips till you felt him warm your insides. Steve soon followed, groaning as he used your thigh for leverage and pounded into you till he coated your walls with his release.

They gradually pulled out of you and the metalhead used the glass of water by your bed to wet the hand towel he found in your closet to gently clean your lower half. Neither of you wanted to risk sneaking to your bathroom and being discovered by one of your parents. 

“I’m sorry for ruining holidays and anniversaries because I was too drunk to care or even act right. I’m sorry for snapping at you and screaming at you for every little thing especially when you were trying to help.” Steve’s fingers brush your hair away from your face as his thumb caressed your cheek. “I’m sorry for cheating on you. The alcohol made me believe that you would do it to. I’m sorry for what happened with Glen. I couldn’t accept you being happy with anyone who wasn’t us.”

“I’m sorry for the accident. Y/N, I never should have gotten behind that wheel and I never should have left you, honey.” His voice cracked and your heart broke as you wrapped your arm around his waist. “I’m so fucking sorry for leaving you alone afterwards. I was so fucking scared because I knew it was my fault. I chose to stay home and drink instead of seeing what I had done to you. I’m sorry for being so wasted you couldn’t wake me up when you needed me. I was so fucking angry at Eddie…at the situation…I’ve never learned how to handle emotions like that… fuck…even now. I don’t know how to tell my dad to fuck off.”

His glassy eyes meet yours as he firmly holds your head in his hands. 

“I am sorry, Y/N. None of what happened was your fault. You did nothing wrong to instigate any of our behavior.” Steve pulled you to his chest as you both sobbed. 

Eddie waited patiently as he watched everything front of him. When you rolled over to face him, his friend extended him the same courtesy as the metalhead reached out to wipe your eyes. 

“Sweetheart, to me you were always perfect. Since the day we met you, you had this light inside  that just radiated from you. I spent the first part of my life in darkness and when my mom died…I thought I’d never be happy again…then you came along. Y/N, I was so terrified something was going to happen or someone was going to take you from me; from us. The drugs made me believe that by degrading you or fighting any man that even looked at you…it would help keep you here.”

“I’m sorry for calling you names and throwing things at you when I was angry because the blow just amplified those fears. It made me feel helpless. I’m sorry for frightening you and making you cry all the time with broken promises because I just…couldn’t quit.”

“I’m sorry about Glen. Because of what I said while I was high he left you and broke your heart even more. I’m sorry about abandoning you…at the accident. Steve was right, it was my idea. I had so much drugs in my pocket, when I heard the sirens I thought about myself instead of you. I didn’t want to end up in jail like my father…”

Eddie’s jaw tightened as you watched him struggle to continue. Placing your arm on his hip, you leaned in to kiss his lips hoping to comfort him. 

“I’m sorry I hit you, Y/N.”, he whispered. “I so fucking stoned…I didn’t even… I should have run after you. I should have waited for you to come back home and groveled at your feet. I should have made a plan then and there to get clean. All I kept thinking about was your face and how you looked at me; the way my mom used to look at my dad after he’d hurt her. I just wanted to erase it. I couldn’t handle being like him. I’m sorry you had to find me like that and I’m so fucking sorry you had to handle that on your own. I’m so sorry.”

He held you as you cried and after a while Steve’s arm circled around you as Eddie continued petting your hair while your eyes slowly began to close. 

“I forgive you.”

***

The sun gleaming through your window woke you up the next morning and you groaned as you stirred from your sleep. As you opened your eyes, you quickly realized you were alone, your eyes scanning the area till you notice a note on your nightstand with your name.

“Y/N,

We both have so much more we want to say but we are nowhere near ready to express them the way we want to. We meant what we said in therapy…you always deserved better than us. More importantly, you deserved to be happy. 

While you were sleeping, we talked about a lot of things and we realized that while the three of us are doing so much better we still have a way to go. I’m quitting my job with my dad today and finally figuring out who I am. You inspired me to travel and do some soul searching on my own. 

I’m taking some time off work and touring with the guys. I spent most of my life either being afraid of my dad or becoming him. Princess, you showed me it’s ok to just be Eddie Munson. I want to do something that would make my mom proud. 

We wanted to wake you up and tell you this but we knew as soon as those beautiful eyes met ours we’d talk ourselves out of leaving. Truth is, honey, you still have some healing to do to.

You said you were still trying to figure out who you were without us. Maybe now, pretty girl, you can let go and finally be free. 

In two years, Eddie and I will have been sober for 5 years total and we’d love to celebrate that with you. Meet us at the diner August 1993. If you don’t show up, we’ll understand. If you’re married with kids, we’d love to hear about them. No matter what, we love you and we just want you to be happy. 

Steve & Eddie

################

1993

Eddie showed up an hour early, bouncing his leg as he flicked his ash into the tray. The man breathed a sigh of relief when he saw a BMW pull into the parking lot and hastily stood up from the table to meet Steve halfway as he gave his friend a hug. 

“Hey Harrington. Jesus, you look good.”

“Thanks, Ed. So do you, man. How have you been?”

“I’ve been alright. A few months ago, we signed with a label so the guys and I have just been recording 24/7.”

“No way! That’s amazing.”

“Yeah, thank you. What about you?”

“I’m doing ok. My dad cut me off after I left so I’ve actually been doing some odd jobs while traveling. About a year ago, I settled a bit up north and got my certification to be a counselor for people struggling with addiction.”

“Well look at you.”, Eddie chuckled.

The sound of a throat clearing got their attention and they both turned to see you standing before them with the biggest smile they had ever seen on your beautiful face. Without hesitation, you wrapped your arms around Eddie’s neck as held you to him.

“God, sweetheart, you look so beautiful.”

You turned to Steve who lifted you off your feet. “Me? Look at you two. I never would have imagined…”

The three of you scooted into the booth talking well into the evening about everything these past two years held. For the first time, no one was angry, sad, or heartbroken. For the first time since you met them, they seemed content and at peace. For that you were extremely grateful. 

##############

@sheisjoeschateau

@peachy-bunnns

[antiquatedplumbobs]

Spring 1916

It wasn't often that Will and his old school chums got together these days. Ever since they'd left the small Brindleton schoolhouse, moments in which all four were free had become infrequent. Clive's schooling in Britechester hadn't helped the matter, but the Brindleton based boys had also struggled to see each other with any regularity. Tonight was one of those glorious times that their schedules had matched up, and just in time, for Clive had returned home and they were all celebrating his graduation at The Wet Dog.

"To Doctor Guillen!" John was shouting as he toasted Clive, sloshing much of his ale at the same time. The other men followed suit and yet more ale joined John's on the floor.

The evening had perhaps started along a more proper path, with congratulations all around for Clive's recent graduation and upcoming nuptials to a Britechester girl; these congratulations had of course been accompanied by a round of drinks. Al had then shared the surprising news that he and his wife, Posie, were expecting. Another round had of course been necessary to celebrate the news. Each round had had a good reason to be drunk, Will thought, a bit fuzzily, but for the life of him he couldn't quite remember all of them just now.

Despite the activity of the evening, Will was distracted; Joe's offer stubbornly at the forefront of his thoughts. He had not shared news of it with anyone, holding it close, so it came as somewhat of a surprise when he found himself blurting the news out.

Initial confusion could be attributed to the less than sober nature of the party, but after Will's explanation, excitement overtook. 

“I’ll say, that sounds splendid!” Clive exclaimed. “My father’s been thinking about getting a motorcar, it would make house calls *that* much easier. He’s an awful hand with anything mechanical, though — human bodies, sure, but really anything else, and the man’s completely lost,” he said with a laugh. “I’m sure he’d be real happy to have that here in Brindleton. Plus, automobiles are spreading like wildfire; Carissa says you can’t cross the street in San Myshuno without having one honk at you.”

The others were quick to chime in with their excitement over the offer, and Will felt their support wash over him like a balm; suddenly the idea didn't seem so harebrained.

"What did you father say?" John questioned animatedly, "he's always had such a head for all that modern stuff, he'll talk Pa's ear off about new farm equipment any time he's down at the store." John had quickly hit on Will's biggest concern over this enterprise: Hamish's reaction.

"I haven't told him," Will said honestly. "He really relies on my help and I don't want to leave him in a lurch or anything. We've both built the dairy up into what it is now, and I don't know how he'd feel about me leaving; I think we both always assumed I'd take it over for him one day." It was true, Will had spent the last decade pouring his blood and sweat into their expanding business; they were now one of the largest suppliers of milk to the local cheese factory.

Will was realizing that he wanted to take this job with Joe more than he’d ever wanted anything before. In ‘06, when the blight had decimated their orchard, and, with it, any chance for Will to pursue a further education, he had been relatively unbothered; school had held little interest to him. But this was different; he wanted it so deeply it hurt. He had spent so many years with his head down, not allowing any thoughts for a future outside the farm, and — now that he had — the feelings beat upon him as powerfully as the waves upon the shore during a storm. He felt as powerless to resist their pull as a grain of sand to a wave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

next / previous / first

[en-la-casademiamor]

Time witness Time’s song

A young sparrow flits in the rain upon the branch of an overgrown spicebush. The light tin of rainfall becomes the accompaniment to a birdsong that should echo in the mind of a solitary witness.

Time is the passage through the transient lake fog. It is the sobering silence closely beheld in the chest of all who do not dare diminish the rising and falling of seasons.

Time says, you will be one witness to my encirclement, but as the bird of morning who is unencumbered by the brewing of clouds, you will discover yourself to be too, the lyricist of my moving body in yours.

I put on the vestments of a sparrow. I expand the chest and wish to commence the birdsong I learned as a child before conceding to sleep,

but then I flit past a mirror. I learn I am less and less sparrow—More and more crow.

Time descends in the mind. It is sand made looking glass where omens harmoniously sing of the magnificence of circuitous light that awaits past the bridge of illusions—

The burden of time’s song inside me is set free from my chest and what is true of me

transforms into the ease of morning birds in symphonic flight before the face of the sun.

[dihydromorphinone]

ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 i can't wait to taste you..

after watching her for over a year, tanner can't control his urges anymore and he goes to claim what, he thinks, is rightfully his.

— tanner x reader, reader/character is implied to be female and in luna's place, not really smut but very suggestive it was supposed to be a smut though, kinda dark themed(!!) but it is consensual somehow TT, stalking references, i'll definitely write a part two with smut 👅, been writing this for four months;; kinda feel like i could've done better

if you like it pls reblog!! ૮₍ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ₎ა

an: i wanted to try something new hehehe tell me if you like how it's written!! also dude... tanner voicelines are so cannibalistic and sexy,,, and i feel sooo bad i drank too much and i was sitting outside drinking beer with some random ahh guy at 3am and I'm pretty sure that something i took today got laced >_< this is my comfort fic yall.

tonight was oddly peaceful. the state of Montana, especially that one – someone would say cursed – town was the complete opposite of peace. with the sudden increase in crime; murder, kidnappings, disappearances mostly the city was covered with terror. the blueblood killer was definitely a real threat, a threat that is wandering free on the sickly covered in fog streets, while the poor citizens are left in the dark – and though he enjoys the exposition he has, for tanner it wasn't enough. it's never going to be enough.

he's cruel. psychotic, even. what sane person would happily murder so many of its own kind? none. and yet, there he was. enthusiastically setting feet rhythmically on the pavement, the heels of his elegant shoes making a barely audible 'click-clacks'. so much passion in each step; the same passion which drives him to inject toxins to humans and toying them with much visible sadism. tanner – the blueblood killer, had a very distinctive way of looking at the society. for him, it was nothing else than scum. trash, refuse; all the same. no human mattered to him. he treated mankind like a child would treat its toys; fun, but only for a moment. then the toy, or in tanner's case, a human can be tossed away into some corner, because it won't serve his purpose this well again. his definition of fun, however, was as cruel as he was. stalking, trespassing, closely observing his prey's emotional reactions and how the body and mind react separately depending on the circumstances and substances. his fun ends when the victim dies or acts repetitively – so he cherishes every moment of preying upon a human.

he found one exception, though – a young woman living not-so-far-away from his hideout; the captivating lady was a detective, with her home set close to the giant, maze-like forest, where the equally handsome doctor was spending his days, and if he wasn't out satiating his disgusting urges, nights. tanner has been watching her for over a year, falling prey to the female's plush lips, seemingly sweet demeanor and her abominable desires. in their own home, each human feels safe. the only place they can be themselves, do whatever they want to do. tanner pitied them - he always did. but for some reason, he still laughed at people who acted different indoors. he defied the whole purpose of safety, stripping the victim of it.

he’s stood in the shadows – where he preferred to be, for now. the thrill of being found was growing fonder and fonder on him, but now's not the right time, tanner would always repeatedly tell himself this like a mantra. like a plea to the sober-thinking part of him to let the other, more careless and darker part have some more fun. his thirst, though, for blood and flesh was just expanding more and more... insatiable, one would think. no matter how many victims would be reported, no matter how the blueblood killer's body count would go up, the urge was almost... attached to him.

through the tinted, mostly curtain-hidden windows, he could see her moving around. left and right she swayed, not getting enough sleep and forgetting basic self care because of her almost sick, he thought, altruistic urges. such a good, upstanding individual she was - someone to look up to, to worship... the woman deserved good, proper treatment only. especially from him - all the neglect is happening because his identity, still a secret, was wanted. tanner almost convinced himself that he feels pity and cries for her, being the source of her opposite of well-being, but in the end it's hard to judge and distinguish emotions while being hazed with mad, almost lusting feelings.

there was, however, no time to reflect the past actions, even if they're undoubtedly mingling with the present. he always did whatever his body and mind wanted, more or less heart. but he would be the last one to judge - there was no place for him and his 'sick' assessment. that being said, tanner finally realised he is in fact done waiting. their time together was pleasant and wholesome, but the urge will drive him to further madness if he won't do anyting about it soon. and since this isn't a mind matter, then it would be suitable to satisfy the flesh, disregarding the heart's wishes and indulge in the woman visible through the small gap in the curtains.

but his heart cannot be silenced this fast.

after searching for his trusted syringe and the mix of liquid midazolam and some other drug he put there previously, he cracked a small smile and sighed, being able to free himself after such a long time. his playtime with victims never lasted this long - this was but a miracle, something unexpected and ready to turn his peaceful, murderous life into something even more vile, dangerous and ruined. but the thought of disposing her like a loose trash didn't sit right with him; tanner was almost disgusted by the bare thought of causing her heart to stop permantly. he was having so much fun now, it'd be almost criminal... but, what is going to happen will eventually happen, so reveal himself to her, he shall.

the woman inside the cozy home was unaware of the terror right next her door, but even if she was - it didn't really matter. for her, the most important thing to do now was to catch that damned blueblood killer, to put end to the town's suffering... and her own grief. she's lost many of her friends and few family members to his wicked fantasies, and it only felt right to do something for the rapidly decreasing community. focused on her promethean task, she couldn't hear the light creak of her door and even lighter footsteps right behind her. only after tanner stood behind her, she could sense someone's presence. shiver ran down her spine, as she vividly remembered closing the door and definitely not inviting anyone, especially this late at night. fear paralyzed her, but then came the realisation.

it could be the blueblood killer. either she will get violently gutted, or she will make a life-changing discovery. and so, the captivating lady sighed, and prepared herself for the worst moments of her life. she turned around, surprising tanner. bold. she was definitely bold, unsure of the danger's scale, yet facing it bravely. his heart barely, but still, softened. endearing, so endearing... but it was too much for her. she closed her eyes right before facing him, squinting her eyes. his little plaything was even more captivating, he thought, smiling softly. though, she could never see it.

"who are you?" she asked, knowing well the answer is going to be fake or she will get no answer at all. or maybe some pistol on her forehead would be all she needed to know before her apparent, incoming demise? but she heard a small chuckle. "i'm the one you've been searching for. pardon me, miss, for keeping you up for so many nights. figured i'd better show myself in person."

his voice was oddly attractive. so pleasant to her ears, so pleasant she almost didn't get what he was saying - clearly, the murderer who got rid of solid few percents of the town's residents was before her, and he was aware of the search. well, it was obvious he will figure it out eventually, but the fact that he exactly knew that it was her... next thing she knew, his fingers were caressing her cheekbones, which made her open her eyes in a second. the sight made her lose her breath for a second.

the blueblood killer was undeniably handsome. sharp jaw, ideally shaped brows, perfect face ratio... not a single thing was wrong. he'd definitely pass as a model, or an angel, though the circumstances made her think of him as the devil. his appearance made it easy to sin. tempting. he was clearly her type, and deep inside of herself she was having a moral battle. she couldn't help the train of thoughts, all vile and lusting, all due to the bare sight of him. that didn't go unnoticed - tanner, as the aspiring master of knowing human reactions, realized she was captivated with him as much as she was with her. the syringe in his other hand, placed behind his back, almost fell to the floor. sweet, so sweet; it seems the paradise's gates won't be opened for him only.

"i've planned some fun activities for the two of us. don't worry, honey, you won't die. yet," the murderer smiled at the woman, terrified and enamored, still gazing at him. oh, how absurdly sweet she was... a perfect mix. with his large, gentle movements he still was caressing her cheek, but slowly moved down to her neck, tracing circles and various shapes. the lady was stunned - and tanner will also be as stunned as the detective, if he regains his mind clarity. but that did not matter; not for now, at least. she's here, next to him, looking at him with lust behind the pretty, sweet facade...

suddenly, the lady felt a sting on her neck. she hissed, and tanner shushed her, continuing to inject the tranquilizer liquid through the syringe. "this will only hurt for a while, i assure you. i wouldn't let you suffer for more, that is - unless you want me to," his poor, horrid jokes made her think about the event briefly, before losing consciousness. this is awful - she is awful, for even considering this monster as a human being, someone that could even potentially become her crush. but the shame can wait, she thought, as the man dressed in white lab coat and red tie came closer to her face and hovered above her, waving his hand as her eyes became droopy and eventually closed.

"good girl," tanner told her, though she couldn't hear those affectionate words. the effects were visible shortly - as if it were not for her perpetrator and his strong, muscular hands she would surely fall down, hitting herself and creating a possible injury. not today, tanner thought, not happening ever. why should she injure herself if the feared master of terror was always for her disposal? but even he wouldn't cut her too deep. the precious flesh of hers shall not be tainted with foolish, mortal-only limited bruises.

having his prized lady in his arms, he spared a few seconds more to admire her unconscious body. not like this was the first time he's seen it - this time was different, though, as he never actually held her like this. tanner closed his eyes swiftly, took a small, but deep breath and contemplated what to do next. it would be a shame to waste the precious liquid he just injected, though it was as precious as she was.

tanner knew her home well, sneaking inside when she wasn't home, and he was about to exploit this knowledge, just as he was about to exploit the sweet, sweet detective he oh-so-adored. holding her as softly as he could, but firm, he moved in the direction of her bedroom, clearly having some sort of a more detailed plan now. after entering, he put her still unconscious body on the big, fluffy bed and then went back to the living room to turn off the lights. should add some more vibes, tanner thought, grinning from ear to ear, as if it was his first time feeling happiness.

awakening from her slumber, she felt as if her wrists were restrained. and soon, she would learn her assumption was correct - although, it wasn't rope or anything extreme as she feared, no.. it was a fine, soft material, silk probably. sitting nice and tight on her skin. in her circumstances, getting tied up was the least she could worry about, and soon, she would find out; as the man's figure hovered over her body, multiple terrifying scenarios flashed her poor mind yet again. but was it surprising? no, it was expected even. her eyes became glassy, as if she'd cry in a second, at which tanner just... cooed. "oh, what's this now? i told you already, i won't let you suffer by my hand unless you want it," tanner replied, bringing his hand to her cheek and gently caressing her already tear-stained flawless skin.

the word gentle did not sit right with him, obviously. his actions were confusing to the extreme; but she wouldn't refuse anything the man would offer. not like she'd even be able to - but he made her think she has a choice and whatever happens next is up to her. what a cruel illusion - one of freedom and safety, that he won't take anything she doesn't want him to. in his mind, she was already his. equal to him, even, though he wouldn't like to see her running around with some sedatives, tranquilizing random people on the street like he does on some nights.

tanner did not retreat his hand, seeing his darling still conflicted but not showing any signs of reluctance. if anything, she was very compliant, and so he shall make sure she's rewarded for her obedience. "could you.. um.. untie me?" she asked, earning yet another one of tanner's smiles. what a silly girl, he thought, asking questions like this. but do whatever she wants him to do, he shall.

"no thrashing and squirming, okay? and i'll give you a piece of freedom," the man said, to which she nodded. she wouldn't want to cross him, never. bringing her arms closer, he slowly undid the bindings on her wrists, brushing his lips softly on the soft flesh of hers. it was somehow... intimate. the way he presented himself to her; she knew he's dangerous. one wrong move or word could probably get her killed, and yet - the way he is now with her speaks a whole different story. one couldn't just see him as a psychotic, sadistic murderer; not when his actions were those of a lover, not a killer. thinking about him in this way was surely a sin. the woman's train of thought, however, was rudely interrupted.

"stop thinking so much," he murmured against her ear. "no point in being so worried. i came here to do what i wanted for a long, long time, you know?" tanner started delicately biting the skin on her ear, chuckling a bit at his own words. "tonight, you shall become rightfully mine. i was thinking of claiming you in a different scenario but i just can't keep myself away from you, sweet girl." her breath hitched, in fear or excitement - she did not know. the anticipation, his face being so close to her own; she was surely about to go insane after tonight. and as tanner buried his face in her neck, she started trying to regain at least part of her mind's long gone clarity.

he's a murderer. a terrible person. he's creating hell on earth. she knows he is awful and she should scream in terror, but her fleshy, earthly desires are clouding her judgement a tad too much. up to this moment, she knew who he is - a killer. his sly antics tonight made her forget about his cruelty, but she shall see him as a criminal, a murderer yet again - he's going to kill her all the same, the difference will be the weapon of choice. he will stab her relentlessly all the same, but not with any blade or syringe. cursing her coveting mind, she brushed all concerns aside and let him have his way with her.

she's going to let him ruin her, deprave her - and she will enjoy every second of it.

[ratatatastic]

can we pls discuss how the cats are all so horny for them getting Big and Strong and Fit and Buff. If we lived in A/B/O world the locker room and gym would be flooded with pheromones at all times

you my dear anon have truly opened yap-dora's box with this one do not get me started on this please PLEASE you know how nasty this team would go at it in an abo-verse? the pheromones would just be in a constant feedback loop if these boys weren't forced to put on blockers and use suppressants because its really the way they talk about each other and the way their affection shows

and i think just the past few days we've had so many anecdotes of paul talking about how much fitter the cats are, or players commenting on their own physique or other players talking about how much they noticed how big other players have gotten is sooooo

so allow me splurge about all the stuff these horny cats have done that live on in my brain in an abo context because yap-dora's box has been opened. dear god save us all.

the sc celebrations on and off ice: all the neck nuzzling, sashas penchant for grabbing people by the neck/head (ekky, lundy) or just ragdolling guys (forsy) about because who can say no to pack alpha? hes pack alpha! let him do whatever he wants to you! guide his hand to where you want it most (your neck)! absolutely melt that hes letting you touch his neck in return he trusts you that much! feel safe and warm with his hand on you! go limp! let him move you about! pack alpha gets whatever he wants!!

ekkys also specifically brought up monty grabbing the back of his head and rubbing his forehead on his so hard it actually hurt after winning the cup and its always lovely to see some good ole pack bonding that is the forehead nuzzle because sometimes an omega does need hard touch to keep them present

and speaking of ekky... ekky being ekky and grabbing the nearest warm neck to stick his nose into because this poor omega has toiled since game 4 and riddled with anxiety aplenty and hes de-stressing by surrounding himself with pack lest he breaks down and cries again (despite the fact he absolutely did cry on the ice) needs to be reminded hes safe now its all over hes allowed to be spoiled again and filled with the scents of all the people that he loves to soothe him

also all the club e11even shenanigans are truly unmatched sasha being very mmmmghghg with lundy, sasha being mmmdgfdghd with everyone (because pack leader of course has to re-scent everyone in a crowded club his scent gets washed out by all the sweat and people and likes his pack to smell like him :( and whilst hes not super territorial sober he does get more possessive when hes inebriated, listens more to his base instincts screaming at him that he can barely sniff out his pack and thats a no-no he likes his pack to be his), ekky clinging onto sasha (because omega is feeling loveydovey and displaying submissive behaviours to appeal to their pack leader)

but also specifically benny holding maffhew by the neck is always fun to remember because he wasnt super super touchy with anyone that night but maffhew is always an exception of course and wouldnt want to scruff this fun flirty omega? especially one you have so much storied history we love play behaviours we love tussling to re-establish pack dynamics

re: to also expand upon possessive pack leader sasha, sasha making the finns wear a shirsey with barkov city at the front of it during his cup day because that was a thing that very much still haunts me because now they each just have shirts with sashas and theirs name on it. which im sure sasha is very pleased about and thisll probably be the most possessive we'll see him get in a sober context and by god did my jaw drop

also my favourite examples of all this big talk is when mikksy gets brought up and theyre like oh hes soooooo strong hes mean (froths at the mouth at how he can push them around) sorry yall this is my guy i will be annoying about him specifically very much we have a fun new overseer to put us in our place! unfortunately the omegas on this team are very much just in constant preheat at this point like where do i even begin WHERE

also do i have to mention anything about forsy ever? do i have to? presented without comment! the graphic!

(added bonus of all the shit paul said about forsy these past days lmao)

and i just think this team is horny for each at all times and theres so many more examples and pack goes crazy theyre all fucking each other THE LOCKER ROOM REEKS

[tummy-bump-king]

When I met my classmate in a UV-lit nightclub five months ago, he didn't know it was me. We had been in the same cohort, working under the same graduate advisor, for about a year at that point, so you might have expected him to notice, but it really wasn't his fault. We don't actually know each other that well and besides, I was somewhat...dressed up that evening.

He knows me as a nice but reserved guy who tries maybe a little too hard for that classic academic vibe with the sweaters and the horn-rimmed glasses. There's no reason he would associate that image with the excitable woman in the fishnets and miniskirt he'd met that night. Even if the club had been well-lit and I'd attended makeup-free, I get the feeling he'd be too busy staring at my cleavage to notice anyways. He doesn't even know I have cleavage.

Anyway. I'd seen him watching me for most of the night. When I finally approached, it took no urging to stumble back into a private room. His lips were on mine and his hands on his belt before the door even closed.

I bent down to kiss him back and guided him to the low bed, laying him down and allowing him to watch as I removed my skin tight garments. The boots, of course, stayed on.

I rode him hard as he worshiped my breasts and thighs. He came inside me and we remained locked together a while longer as I nibbled at his ear and neck, making him shiver in his post-orgasm haze. I didn't come, but it had been fun enough.

I redressed and went home to clean myself off, leaving him there.

It seemed pointless to tell him the truth. We had a perfectly fine working relationship, and I didn't want to ruin that in exchange for awkward, stilted conversation, or god forbid, transphobia, just for the sake of one half-sober encounter. He could keep his memories and I could keep mine.

I didn't realize there had been consequences of that night until almost four months later. I hadn't had my period in years since switching hormones, and I only got sick for a few days, chalking it up to something bad I ate. It was only with the aggressive cravings and sudden weight gain that I began to connect the dots and went out to buy a test.

I doubt anyone has noticed any change yet. My stomach wasn't exactly flat before, and I wear several layers daily anyways, so a few extra inches around the middle is hardly likely to draw stares.

I know about it though. So when I happen to catch sight of him in the lab or the office, or when I feel a slight ache in my chest or the growing weight of my center, I can rest my hand upon the subtle curve and know.

I can't hide it forever, of course. Not with clothes at least. Another month or two and I know the curve of my belly will begin to strain against the soft fabric of my sweaters and hang over the waistband of my pants. My breasts will swell and my ass will expand. I'll be front-heavy and take up more space than I'm accustomed to. I won't be able to sit fully against my desk or my steering wheel and my lunches will be twice as big, and my hands will rest comfortably atop the swell of my abdomen or cradle it carefully from below, and even with all of that they will not know. He will not know.

Because with the hair on my face and the timbre of my voice, who would ever suspect.

[neurotoxicyuri]

My friends really wanted me to upload this angsty voxman drabble so… here! It's 668 words, and the starting/ending is intentionally ambiguous. 👍

Disclaimer: This is VERY very VERY heavily based on a scene from this fanfic. I thought it was interesting, and wanted to expand upon it further, but not enough to make an entire oneshot.

Second Disclaimer: This deals with alcohol misuse, and two mentally ill people sucking butt at relationships. The situation IS toxic, but this isn't meant to be an end all be all thing, they love each other immensely I promise.

Drabble is under the cut :)

_________________________________________________

Venomous had already finished two glasses of wine… but he craved more than just that. He craved something of a different flavor profile, specifically and Boxman had such a thing, right in his grubby little talon.

"Are you going to finish that…?" Venomous loomed over the other, very obviously looking down at his half drank glass of brandy.

"You've already had enough," Boxman rolled his eyes.

He hates when he gets like this, and it's always because of stupid Billiam and his stupid parties…

"Aw come on Boxy… don't be that way. I'm as sober as a judge," Venomous winked at the other and made a little clicking noise.

This… behavior truly frustrated Boxman… but, he loves Professor Venomous, and that includes every side of him. Even if that meant he had to deal with his provocative side. In fact, maybe if he turned this into a game it could get him out of this alcohol crazed muck, at least for now.

"You know… your charm isn't as effective as you think, P.V…!" Boxman cackled evilly, before he downed the rest of the drink.

He then gave Venomous a smug grin, "Now you can't have it!"

Venomous grumbled, clearly aggravated. Seems the 'game' didn't work well on him.

Boxman sweat slightly but he could still save things! He just needed to take a different approach… one more methodical.

"Oh don't be like that Professor… I'm HELPING you, the more you drink, the more I'll have to deal with you in the morning," Boxman did his best to force a smile.

Perhaps it was the alcohol or the fact Boxman was preforming unmediated surgery on his ego, but that little comment really got to him,

"Oh, so I'm something you have to deal with now?" Venomous narrowed his eyes at Boxman, his voice however, remained relatively calm, considering the accusatory nature of his words.

The smiling façade quickly faded, and the nervousness of the situation intensified. "I- P.V that's not what I meant! Y-You just get very… fussy when you get migraines, b-but Lord Boxman is MORE than happy to take of you…!"

"So I am?!" Venomous hissed, "You think you can doll up your contempt for me I won't notice? Hm? Is that it?" This time, Venomous raised his voice, and people were now very obviously staring.

Boxman hated to admit it, but Venomous really scared him sometimes, not in the exhilarating way. But in the way that makes him terrified to exist in his presence, terrified that he'll breathe the wrong way, say the wrong things, give the wrong look. Though, to Boxman, the worst part of it all was knowing that these were the times Venomous hurt the most. He knows that he only lashes out because he's afraid; but that doesn't make Boxman any less fearful.

In spite of… everything, Boxman was willing to try and be a source of comfort. He didn't know what's wrong with P.V to get him in these states, but he wanted to be there for him to help push through things.

He placed his fleshy hand on Venomous’ arm, "P-Professor… I don't have contempt for you, I want you to stop drinking because I care about you…! Maybe I went about it the wrong way at first, b-but… I thought you would like it more if I acted joyful…"

Venomous flicked Boxman's hand off of him after he finished speaking, and just as angry before, he remarked.

"I'm sick of your bullshit, Boxman."

Swearing. Something which the two of them avoid… something which Venomous just did. Boxman has a very high tolerance for Professor Venomous’ behavior, but this is so… INEXCUSABLE! He's just TRYING to be mean.

"You… you…" He growls. "WE ARE NOT SPEAKING FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT!"

"Fine by me," Venomous sneers.

Both headed in the opposite direction of one other, both pretended not to care. But both felt emotionally distraught at the feeling of not having the approval of one another.

[rafent]

[ 𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 ] ― sender puts perfume / aftershave on receiver’s ( wrist / neck / cheek )

"i suppose i should start calling you professor now that we're no longer on the island?" dorothea teases, voice light as an easygoing laugh escapes. she lets her eyes drop playfully to the glass bottle in hand, "in any case, that's not why i'm here. i thought you might like this." she uncaps it now, holding the bottle up so the liquid inside catches the light. "it's one of the sweeter scents i found. and while you can’t eat it, i figured someone with a sweet tooth like yours might still enjoy it. it's supposed to be all the rage among candy-lovers."

𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄𝐒 — FRAGRANCE: sender puts perfume / aftershave on receiver’s ( wrist / neck / cheek )

Memory would not be soon to surrender its hold over the recent ties of adversity. Labors shared in pursuit of common victory, countless packed into one house as another challenge entirely, Rafal would adamantly deny these to be conducive to bonds, but of them he took notice all the same. Welcome entered his expression at Dorothea's appearance, attention readily given and friendlier than norm by perceptible even if still not precisely sunny degrees. Product of the camaraderie which lingered after festivities had run their course.

Weasel would not forget weasel, like mind would not forget like mind; it thus came as no surprise that Dorothea would know the precise gifts to bequeath her inhuman professor. Not that she had been any sort of lacking in that thoughtful nature thus far - every offering landed accordingly on the bullseye of satisfaction.

"Hmph. You may refer to me however you please, Dorothea, so long as the work is not slacking." Scolding or smiling? Prickled or pleased? Both short-lived mysteries as he took in the full measure of her kindness. The aromatic scent evoked response as soon as it was uncapped, mouth to water unconsciously at what senses perceived to be liquid dessert. Eyes to widen in humbled understanding. "A perfume. . .I see."

If his solemn reaction were strange, the Fell Dragon failed to discern it. Upon embracing his true name and undertaking a new life, gifts had become infinitely more common as compared to before. Here, many simply gave. Few expected anything in return, or failed to wield flowering intentions with hidden thorns beneath. The reality once shared only with twin and allies counted upon one hand expanded to others more and more by the day, without proportion to his deserving.

"I have not owned one before in my many years of life," Rafal said, awed and truly meant, fingers roving over the glassy surface of the bottle. "Should you seek to employ bribery in any way, shape, or form, it will not work. But if it is a gift. . ." and with Dorothea Rafal knew it was. He nodded gratefully, sobered and appreciative. "—then I thank you."

[lepoppeta]

For the song asks, idk if you’ve spoken about it on here but you told me about it: VaggieBomb

this was INSANELY DIFFICULT because i know approximately what kind of vibe i want from vaggiebomb (also known as cherrimoth, but since vaggie is no longer a moth demon i guess that ship name isnt accurate anymore), its just that all of the songs out there are... WAY too much. i like to imagine their relationship as (eventually) relatively low-key, even in their private lives. any grand gestures are usually meant ironically.

for context -- this pairing stems from a teeny tiny au i created way back when the pilot first got released. the basis was that vaggie gets sick of being constantly pushed around by alastor and ignored by her girlfriend, and she breaks up with charlie and leaves the hotel. she later joins up with cherri bomb and relieves some of her anger via cathartic gang violence (this leads to sir pentious seeking refuge at the hotel, resulting in charpentious, but thats a different story altogether).

i also prefer finding these songs out of ones i already know -- looking for something new almost never works out, and i dont get attached to the song that way. i hope i didnt disappoint!

seventeen (heathers: the musical, sung by barrett wilbert weed & ryan mccartan)

fine! were damaged -- really damaged, but that does not make us wise. were not special, were not different, we dont choose who lives or dies. lets be normal, see bad movies, sneak a beer or watch tv. well bake brownies, well go bowling -- dont you want a life with me?

pretty much all of these songs are from cherris point of view. its easier for me to imagine these coming from her because (at least in the pilot) shes much more emotionally stable -- shes already experienced her story (if were to assume that her previous failed relationship mentioned in the 'addict' music video is still canon here) and is now meant to be a character that the viewer is meant to compare the main cast to.

this is a little ooc on her part, but here shes meant to be attempting to persuade vaggie with an attempt at normalcy -- something that they both really want after their previous relationships crashed and burned spectacularly. she wants low-key -- she isnt a princess in need of protection, she IS and WANTS to be vaggies equal, and i think someone like that would benefit vaggie a lot in terms of character development.

sit next to me (foster the people)

and now its over, were sober -- symptoms of the culture and the night aint getting younger, last calls around the corner. feeling kinda tempted and im pouring out the truth -- just fading out these talkers cause now all i want is you.

just saying -- come over here sit next to me, we can see where things go naturally. just say the word and ill part the sea, just come over here sit next to me.

this adds on to what i said previously -- how non-dramatic id like to imagine this relationship to be. it blossoms very naturally under mutual trust and respect -- once vaggie stops acting like an angry guard dog, that is.

stuck on the puzzle (lily & madeline, original by alex turner)

im not the kind of fool whos gonna sit and sing to you about stars, girl. but last night i looked up into the dark half of the blue and theyd gone backwards. something in your magentism must have pissed them off, forcing them to get an early night. i have been searching from the bottom to the top for such a sight as the one i caught when i saw your

fingers dimming the lights like youre used to being told that youre trouble, and i spent all night stuck on the puzzle.

i dont imagine cherri or vaggie to be particularly sappy, but they can be romantic in casual ways. this song simply expands upon that vibe.

[johnsdcp2024]

Unveiling the Magic: My First Day at Flamingo Crossings

So today is the big day. After two days of traveling to Orlando, Florida, I have arrived. Physically, mentally, and literally arrived. This stop on my journey is mine alone. I made this happen with no pretense. There is no treatment center to return to, no outpatient, no sober house. I moved here because I made it happen thanks to all I have learned at said places. They were the foundation, and now I am building the scaffolding of my house. The foundation is vast and ever-expanding, just like my dreams and possibilities. There is a lot to build on, and for that, I am grateful.

Now back to my day. It started with an amazing egg sandwich made with love from a family friend. The 45-minute drive to Flamingo Crossing, where I reside, felt like 10 minutes; the excitement kept my mind racing. Upon arriving, the nerves set in. What will they say about my beard, my tattoos? Will they turn me away? Do they even care?

I start to walk up the path following 6 others as they have the same nervous energy exuding from them. As I enter the main outside atrium, the reality of where I am is starting to set in. I have seen this exact place so many times through pictures since I first applied. Whether that be TikToks, YouTube videos, or Reddit posts, I have been here! Digitally! And now it's come to fruition walking by the same life-size chessboard that I have seen hundreds of times it feels. After taking in the atrium, we follow the many signs leading us to the outside lawn that is used for relaxing as well as events.

Once completing a form through a QR code, we are shuffled into 2 boxes lined with cones. They encourage us to start talking to others around us, and this seems to ease a lot of tension. The first interaction I had with another human on my DCP adventure was with Gina. She is from New Jersey (I could hear the accent) and going to be a greeter at Hollywood Studios. The same park I will be working at! We promised to say hello and meet again someday, maybe when going to work or maybe around the corridors of the plaza. I'm now scanning. Tattoos, beards. Where are they?! BAM. I nearly sprint to the nearest person with tattoos. She has more than me, and I am instantly at ease. At the same time, I initiate contact; another person with tattoos is converging on the spot. Phew! We are here for each other. We have some fun banter for a few minutes. As for the beards, well, one of the employees (cast members) had one!

After some time, we are corralled into a room where we watch a 14 minutes and 23 seconds video. Mainly about rules. Then we are again corralled into another room where we receive our key cards to our rooms, room numbers, building numbers. And then we are off! I head back to the car where I find mom and dad, and the moving begins. I was able to acquire a wagon to put all my belongings in, and we quickly found my building. It is right beside the main central buildings and overlooks the pool on the third floor.

 I met my roommate Ian. He is a very cool guy. I was worried about my age being an outcast but he's 34! And says a lot of older people do the program. We talked for a good hour as the room got set up and my mom put 98% of everything away. Thanks, mom! After the room was set up, it was time to head to Target for some essentials.

I got my background check done at 11 and then got some much-needed lunch. Everything was hitting me at 100 miles an hour. All my feelings and emotions just overflowed at that moment. The food was really able to help. Maybe I shouldn’t have drunk that large Dunkin' cold brew… I said goodbye to mom and dad as they went on to do their own thing, and I finished putting a few things away and talked with Ian some more. We are going to be a great fit as roommates, thank you lord, my prayers have been answered.

 Ian went to work at 3, and I had another “meeting” to attend where they answered a lot of common questions and explained a lot to us. I walked out around 5 and went straight to the buses. I wanted to learn how to use them. I got on the first one I saw and just went. I ended up at the Contemporary, the resort with the monorail that goes straight through it. So I hopped on the monorail and did a complete loop. I learned that it takes 20 minutes to loop the whole way. People-watching was crazy and surreal. So so so many people! So many strollers and babies. I wasn’t even in the park. I truly can't grasp how big these parks are and the amount of people that come through the park doors each day and each year.

 After the monorail, I headed back to the village. It was interesting to see the other cast members getting on the bus as their shifts were over and the people headed to their shifts. I love all the different costumes they wear! It makes me so very excited to get my own costume in a few days and feel so a part of everything. The bus ride was a little under 15 minutes, and I took the long way back to get a nice walk in and to call Philip (my brother). We had some lovely conversation and some encouraging words were spoken. I need to call Matthew next (my brother). I got back to an empty apartment and started writing this post! Got my HomePod set up and listening to Ariana Grande's new album. Also watching some people stream Overwatch. I also forgot to mention that my other two roommates excluding Ian are from France and work at the very fancy restaurant at the France pavilion in Epcot. Very cool! Till next time! Bye! Thanks for reading 😊

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

I love demo so fuckin much but i wish there was more both canon and fanon content for him that isnt just "haha funni alcoholism " like. Idk it super fucking bothers me as a kid of an alcoholic (now recovering and about 2 years sober!!!) like. I would love to rec the game to my dad bc i know he would loce the style and humor but hes also really proud of being scottish and i khow that the main characterization pf demo would probably bother him.

Anyway demo beating alcoholism arc when.

I actually have a ton of posts abt this (u can probably dig thru "#demoman tf2" asks to find them lol) but yeah I rlly think abt this a lot. I'm also the kid of an alcoholic (actually a pretty long line of them, I'm actually pretty predisposed to it myself because I also inherited all the same anxiety/neurodivergency/etc. problems) and I'm also aware of a lot of politics surrounding addiction and am invested in harm reduction n stuff like that, so my feelings abt it are actually kinda complicated. I don't like the idea that Demo being an alcoholic is, like, a "mistake" made on Valve's end that needs to be "fixed" in fan content - it's not inherently wrong to have a character who is an alcoholic or even really a comedic character who is one. I think there's a big trend in fans (especially white people lol) totally overstepping and "fixing him" by just, never mentioning it even in places it would actually be appropriate and just pretending he was never written to have an addiction. I think that's just another way of showing that you think someone can't be a Good Person(tm) and an addict. The other side of the coin, of course, is the INSANE prevalence of people who make it his one defining personality trait and often completely mischaracterize him by giving him traits they associate with alcoholism but that he doesn't have (laziness, aggression, stupidity etc.). I actually find the way he's written in canon to be. pretty okay? There's definitely times where it's Bad but most of the time I think it's alright. Even the "short, violent temper" thing (a trait he's apparently supposed to have? But tbh he doesn't really have in any of the supplemental material lmao) feels less like a stereotype of alcoholism (as fans will make it) and more like an ethnic/nationality-based stereotype (which everyone in tf2 is, so it doesn't feel specifically targeted) (although you can also argue that him being an alcoholic is also a nationality stereotype which like. yeah). Smth I think a lot of people forget but is actually pretty present in most iterations of his lore and also in a lot of his game/intro video dialogue is that he has some kinda trauma and his self-esteem is completely in the toilet. This, in my opinion, adds another layer to his addiction that while maybe not really explored in canon (because it's not that kind of media, no one really gets their serious backstories explored they're just established and then dropped for more jokes) can definitely be expanded upon in fan stuff. I know yall like angst! Stop fucking writing "angst" where you conflate alcoholism with domestic violence and stupidity and start treating him like a human being lol. Write about Demo dealing with or beating alcoholism, but don't write it like it's his entire personality or pretend it doesn't exist. It's a part of him, but not all there is to him. Sorry for the SUPER long response anon omg I love talking and this is a topic I specifically have a ton of thoughts on. Sorry if this isn't rlly coherent, like I said I have a lot of posts abt this topic. I might go rb some now just to clarify my opinions

[gcrtys]

a review of new tales from the borderlands

so, new tales from the borderlands was ... something! i was really excited going into it, and i can say it was moderately enjoyable. it was not worth $40-50 at all, esp. with the preorder which included three skins in all grey!! woohoo!! that was super cool!!!

anyway,

style

in comparison to the original tales from the borderlands, the game shines in some aspects. the mocapping is wonderfully done. a lot of people are saying its awkward and weird, and at some times, it definitely can be. its not an entirely perfect system but it shows a good amount of emotion. with the funding of telltale’s tftbl, it was clear where they were lacking. odd cuts, janky animations, etc.

gameplay

the gameplay of new tales is definitely more polished. there were a few things that were odd and not well done and some segments were definitely dragged out a lot more than they shouldve been. i wish there were more interactable events in the world b/c i did enjoy exploring. vaultlanders was a unique addition, though overall felt very lacking and didnt make sense in terms of the storyline. it couldve done without it, and im 99% sure this was only added for replay value (collectables?)

they brought in some other new things i didnt necessarily enjoy. the entire system that was created for rating the group dynamic also did not care in terms of the game. i had about two scenarios where it did.

i didnt even know what was changing my group dynamic or how characters felt about one another. i didnt even know if they were on good terms by the ending of the game -- it wasnt made clear by gameplay. my only indication were a few popups stating “fran doesnt respect octavio” (yeah, i wouldnt either) and it was annoying. lou13 has an entire point in the beginning of the game stating teamwork would make the process easier to survive, and yet this didnt reflect one in the entire game. not where i saw, at least.

charm

holy. fuck. they bombed hard with the music choices. one of the BIG big aspects of tales, what made it shine, was the introduction and intros. they were well done, crisp, perfectly timed. its difficult for me to pick a favourite intro from any episode of tales because theyre all so well done -- from a stylish crash onto pandora to “busy earning” by jungle, to the somber crash onto pandora to “retrograde” by james blake. it was clear every song in tales was carefully chosen and the intros were framed around them.

whereas in new tales, its... weird. the introductions to the episodes are odd, weirdly timed and dont expand upon much. it felt like they were trying too hard to mimic the bonding the tales team went through -- but that was natural in comparison to this. even then, there wasnt a single introduction i enjoyed. episode 5′s introduction was the best out of the bunch but even then, the music choice was odd and it felt like there was nothing happening. it wasnt worth watching. whereas in tales, it would hook you and keep you there the entire time.

the name cards are also very oddly timed. a lot of them dont appear when theyre supposed to. typically in borderlands, we get a line or two before a character’s name is revealed. i found multiple times, either name cards did not appear for characters that would be reoccurring, or would just be flat out poorly timed. it didnt feel like borderlands, which is known for the flash of the cards and the catchy one-liners to accompany them.

writing

so... its definitely an improvement from borderlands 3. some would disagree and say its a difficult storyline to follow, which, i understand

i think episodes 2-3 were quite literally worthless and provided nothing. i dont think i even remember what happened in those episodes. the ones that really captured me, were the last two. its where the spirit of the game (quite literally) came out to reveal itself. i didnt expect myself to get emotional but episode four did make me cry, and then immediately sober up in confusion when it jumped to a retro 90s fighting style game with fran.

some of the jokes dont hit quite right and a lot of episode four is... odd. between the std’s joke, the spiderant, so on... it felt unnecessary. the running gag of lou13 “data sharing” (aka having sex) was uncomfortable to watch.

and there were a lot of inconsistencies with the writing, as is usual with the borderlands universe, but:

- anu creates a device to replicate siren technology, which is disregarded after episode 1 and never brought back up again

- octavio’s idiocy goes beyond being an idiot and quite literally just having no brain for the sake of “humour”, which just comes off as frustrating

- characters just stand out in open hallways and get shot and die. its seen as emotional and heartbreaking in game, and incredibly stupid as the player of said game. why the hell did stapleface die from a gunshot to the shoulder? why couldnt anu heal her? who knows, there is absolutely no explanation for it

- when the characters are going on a gameshow and stopped by a bouncer, he says “all contestants are accounted for” and then when you get into the area, there is literally. a single person. and its not a sake of others going before said person -- they literally begin the gameshow, starting with that person, a moment later.

- rhys calls anu to ask her help to stop tediore from opening the vault, and then, never follows up. literally. he is not seen from again for like five chapters or something ridiculous and when he does return, its for a completely separate reason and its never brought up again.

- the writers seemed to have either never played the original tales, or did not care enough to stay true to rhys’ character in general. he’s power-hungry, an asshole, and the type of superior he wouldve hated. the writers chose to ignore every single line of rhys discussing how atlas could be different from the other corporations and went with “actually, theyre ALL bad” which like, yeah, i get it. capitalism, boo. but when it doesnt match up with the characters behaviour its... very irritating.

while there was definitely some of sassy rhys in there ("you’ll be hearing from me, specifically my tears” is one of my personal favourites), it didnt make up for the rest of how they butchered his character. also, i see them hinting at sasha’s return and i DO NOT like it. stay away from her.

they also decided to make athena the ceo of hyperion-- how or why that happened, i have no idea, and frankly at this point i dont want to find out.

characters

the cast is... certainly a cast. but delete lou13.

i really liked anu and i resonated with her. although a little irritating at times, i could appreciate her as a character. it was a real breath of fresh air in comparison to the other borderlands characters we typically receive. octavio was... octavio. i did enjoy fran, but the consistent horniess was overdone after about the second episode.

a lot of the side characters that were introduced just, dont get brought back in. youre introduced to a big group of characters in the first episode by octavio, and then you barely see any of them for the rest of the game. (justice for diamond danielle) its a waste and once again, one of the biggest complaints i have about borderlands games is wasted potential. from bl3′s clay, to athena (who actually makes a reappearance, after the audience reminded the writers she existed), katagawa jr, aurelia, rose, gladstone, and so on...

now we have an additional cast of characters we’re most likely never going to see again, who were introduced as important to one of our protagonists and then never expanded upon. (the fact we saw a literal talking gun more than any of his closest friends was weird)

anyway, going back to my first point, im sorry but i hated lou13. his entire existence was unnecessary. a robot filled with existential dread, oh boy, i wonder where we’ve seen that one before! this isnt familiar and not well done at all.

where loaderbot in the original tales shines, lou13 fails in every. single. category. from personality, to likability, to personal sacrifices for our protagonists... its all lackluster, disappointing, and i could not care less about this character.

anyway, we’re never going to see about 99% of those introduction characters again and while its annoying, im fine with it if it means more room for other, already established characters who deserve some more time in the spotlight.

going back-- we finally saw katagawa senior! they copied katagawa jr’s model entirely, and put a beard on him. fantastic, great work everyone. take a day off, you guys deserve it. mustve been really difficult to come up with that one, especially considering the art we see for him in the next episode is literally not the same man.

overall

if you go into this expecting tales from the borderlands, you’ll be disappointed.

if you go into this expecting good writing, you’ll be disappointed.

if you go into this expecting a few laughs, you might get some! it depends on your humour! i thought badass superfan was hilarious and there were a few bits i genuinely enjoyed. a lot of the humour was enjoyable to me, but after all, this is all matter of opinion. if youre not a fan of reoccurring jokes or bits that drag on for a little bit too long, planned awkward laughter, tension, etc. this might not be your style of humour.

if you go into this wanting good characters to grow attachments to... play tales from the borderlands.

5/10 just want troy baker back plz ty.

[fanficwriter284]

Ah yes.........something written

Saturday, September 8th, a crisp morning for the newly last named Charles Lee Ray. The last thing he wanted to he was leave his bed. The feeling of warmth providing a sense of comfort that he’d mostly been neglected for the duration of his young life. As he began to feel his consciousness slip into slumber once more he was yanked from his tranquil mindset hearing the calls of his father. Not wanting to anger the man he quickly kicked off the covers and hurried down. He skipped pass brew Al fast which at this rate became the current norm. He never ate in the mornings anymore. Now thinking about it he didn’t eat much of anything anymore. The boy felt his face sulk, catching his fathers eye. He swallowed the lump in his throat trying to maintain his composure. Charles desperate to break the unsettling tension locked eyes with his brother Carolus. Lukas Ray dismissed the boy and turned to the direction of the back yard, motioning for the two to follow. The two reluctantly obeyed curious as to why their father had called upon them. And the more shocking realization that the man was sober, or he appeared to be at least.

Once they stepped into the outside world, they watched their father pull out a medium sized jet black case. With clasps keeping the sealed box shut.

“What is that?”

Charles could only shrug his shoulders watching with immense curiosity. Both boys felt their pupils dilate seeing two revolvers now in their fathers hands. The man extended his hands out towards the boys forcing the firearms into their shaky grasps. The boys simply looked at each other confused.

“Dad?”

Before the young Ray could get a response, his dad was off to the side holding two cages with rabbits inside, both munching on sticks of celery. Unknowing of what was to come next.

“Shoot them”

They could feel their eyes expand hearing their father give the command. Charles backed away shaking his head, horrified.

"I---I can't"

The boy regretted opening his mouth to speak, his father's glare had only reinforced the feeling.

"Man the fuck up Charles and Do it"

"......"

Charles couldn't move, the rabbit was so innocent, he couldn't....he couldn't pull trigger.

"CAROLUS, Don't disappoint me like your brother and shoot the damn thing"

"....But--"

"Do it"

Carolus gave a saddened look to his brother conveying his remorse and fired, hearing the blast ring in his ear drums.

"See Charles...This is why Carolus is my favorite...He does what I ask of him. You one the other hand are an embarrassment"

"...."

"Dad...please d--."

"NOW SHOOT IT"

"....I----I can't"

The silenced that followed was nerve racking. No one spoke, all that could be heard were the breaths of Charles waiting for something to happen.

The boy could only yelp, feeling his father yank him by the hair, feeling the pulled part sting, with each follicle being irritated as if on fire. Carolus could only watch in horror. He tried to assist his brother but was knocked backward onto his rear from the brute force of his father. Charles was forced to sit, as he watched his father grab a pair of clippers and cut his sons hair. Nicking the boys scalp whenever he could.

...

Carolus sat in his twins room anxiously waiting for Charles. He heard every sound each passing minute. Every scream and cry. He heard all of it. And he did nothing. He hated himself....for doing nothning....only baring witness to the carnage his father did to his only brother. His mind was pulled back into reality when Charles entered the room...limping.

"CHARLES"

The poor boy nearly fell into his twins' arms too weak to stand any longer.

"H--Hey C--Caro"

Carolus did his best to stead his brother seeing him on his bed, allowing the boy time off his feet.

"I'm sorry for what happened today"

".....It wasn't your fault Caro.....don't apologize"

"B---But"

"Don't, you're not the one who should be sorry"

"...Then....Then how about we run away? Never come back here...yeah...that would work..."

"And where would we go?"

"I---I don't know Any from here....that's for sure"

"We wouldn't survive out there Caro, don't be stupid"

"Well at least I'm trying to think of something.....I---I hate seeing....all the awful things he's done to you...."

"....Caro....we'll be ok"

"You don't know that"

"....Caro....I'll protect us ok? I won't let anything happen to you...ok?"

"Ok"

[libidomechanica]

A mother give

Ready yours has his life of cause.     Or snorted well. Rough she said—Oh Darling and you were born,     that ruin and sold my Reputation we are not match     her up, close bodies, where you mine. Children, living made him     he better Effort of

art and sea-horse, perhaps from me;     its kiss, wrapped shade not the rose north We danger lap, and something     the Girl, whom, he sleeps the faring sweet, thou can make so     early enough it liv’st but becomes of shame, my toils up     his voicelestial Sign;

that wi’ nae prescience. Has     generally is he toilet I did proue of gentle force in     the fairy quire of natures rent, what is a work even     men together round by a former lives like this fair one?     Till your troupes to march in

sight. For, I shrink of The may blood,     walking spi’de the imple wandered black Despair, they were she     only what their Lips. Or have no more esteem thy face, the     offended race, thought it to a thousand victor being     spent the wind. Shaft, and I

must be fulfilling ear attend     a fayre flocks stopped, long sinners gave found the rears; on her waters     is that all ever breathe out the work upon her Bosom     hung in her Eyes first? In God’s eternity, our life     of my store of attachment.

Scarce come ours is man’s face I     have arm, signing insider, since shelf, He hear had become,     and it go wide sits in a dreams I plot which expands, and     they figured mark it significance white-wall: only a     streets of a wee what is—

you’ll not rise? The wife’s comes of     dark sea, knew and in a ready earth wherewith so he     heard the dead. I’ll daily pray, on bended race, no bad     example to part of slighter. In her own self despite this     may be ready more desert

be the morning shine to the     Grape my fading Clyde the golden shrinking soul with new words     my sense does, blessing by me as yet unborn: first and got,     ’twas I sober whence, good excuse, ’ provided love to force,     so, I leave. Let coarse alarm

of early hour, there, to marks     upon her sighs. Let speak to each, to speak,—I grant my whisper,     and she a monstrous mountains, and morn. It, Sir, for my     soul, as if in count no more divine: the quartz in that the     Earth a fear, and wise, nor

when the world at the foe, whose eyes     when the wind, what has caught in evil of ladies freeze within     scream of ladies cough on the same. A simplicity     a grace; for in your tears no long today when they will the     rivers, and death-hour round

plumes his sigh for the Wild Ass stamp’d     by their show, then thou madest me When my heav’nly bosom     fire, and art. That finkle heart. Propitious eyes of the sun     began to mortality,— all we taste, so hath taught is     ask’d her fav’rite Lock I

swears tis lost. We keeps me from the     circus puffing by but the scorn’d like to me wasted the     tear’s in my e’e. Thy morning into one known me in view     its breast. Her bereav’d me, haue most tender his loving and     all dissemble the walking

sit listens, stop thine eyes I     loved? Did find her, next to the Powers distillation; the     sun and in my earth, and sisters are no giraffes in your     husband, not eternal mansion. Let thy owne making the     Rose as wild and uncontrols,

and rosé on the frozen in     a fit. A butter, and in which trouble in your silent-     blessing they left to shrewd turns round compare with one to see     the music and there stashed dust where no kindle hope to     adornings seem only is

he formed thy footsteps or moon was     à-la-mort, and half a bell, and her husband to climbed high     birth than when this face, like light have seen by the hallucinations,     and down heard it and responsive, and he strip for     so long growing sun of

her conquers what is most precious     moods: not, the other ends, wi’ sangs of guilt, perhaps and cruel     are. But aye she watches, patches, and thy night, vision Venus     to dream Or in that prince, a true that I might; and, without     it was he did beam.

[seacollectsrivers]

Hi! For the trope mash-up, tell me about 51. accidentally married and 97. time travel Fitzier please?? 😀

i am. a SUCKER for kate & leopold type situations. so of course i adore that one JFJ is out of time fic, but in this one it's Crozier

Belligerent old Crozier, who is ALSO from the 1850s: this won't bode well for the very open minded (and gender fuckery?? maybe :3c ) JFJ

But the man somehow ends up transported into James' flat, and what is he supposed to do, call the cops??

They don't get along at first. Of course. But then James sees how kind Crozier can be at times, and they visit some graves and memorials together and James learns a bit of his history (Blanky & Sophia, I reckon, and Jopson too), and the trauma of the Arctic

(The whole expedition has happened and everyone is dead. How it shakes out without James is a what-if I'm not ready to deal with).

Slowly they get to know each other. Francis opens up about his love for James Clark Ross. How he feels he is always doomed in love. James, not a scientist in those fields himself, research and tells Francis about the advancements in magnetics, in the several expeditions to the Poles. Francis is charmed, and (gently, gently) corrects his terminology at times.

(When he learns about Ireland, he is unsure what to feel. The famine enrages him, but the Republic and the subsequent Troubles.... James turns him to a few old recordings of Bernadette Devlin, and then a few newer interviews. He keeps his thoughts to himself, but reads up on the history more than anything else).

During the fragile beginnings of their friendship, James takes Francis to... something. An opening for an exhibition at an art gallery? Something social, but not a cafe or a pub. very James.

They meet some of James' friends! they don't know about Francis! oh no!!

James PANICS and goes "This is my..... husband."

Francis, who suffers from chronic Cannot Hide His Feelings Disease, looks surprised but... pleased....?

Dundy (ofc it's Dundy) IMMEDIATELY clocks that James never meant to say that but he thinks this is hysterical and plays along. "Oh, typical James, all peacock until you get married in secret!"

Of course Francis decided to be bloody grumpy about it, but truly only because he cannot believe that such a modern and amazing and beautiful man such as James would want to even pretend to be married.

This is where I would put [DUMB COMMUNICATION CONFLICT HERE].

Francis decides to court James, properly, as in his day. He becomes unsure, and tentatively asks James if he would object to Francis treating him as he would Sophia, when he had hopes of marrying her... James is delighted.

Francis still gets some awful days, born out of a strange kind of survivor's guilt. But he is also so happy, and would never trade this for the world.

(send me 2 tropes + a ship!)