#But that means I wasted a bunch of time colouring them in

[somegrumpynerd]

Coloured all my Killer and Cross cuddling doodles and now I'm just staring at them trying to decide if I wanna post the coloured in ones or just the outlines

[running-in-the-dark]

I think I mentioned that I was looking into getting a better sewing machine? well, it arrived today 🙈 that happened much faster than planned. I found the model I was looking at at a (relatively) local sewing machine store, for 30% off because it had been in the shop window, so the plastic has yellowed.

I wasn't sure how I felt about that (the website only said it was a floor model or something similar, then someone from the store called and told me the specifics and asked if that was still okay), but honestly? I never ever would have paid the full price, it was just too much, I couldn't justify that. but this reduced price was only a little more than the ones I had been looking at before (that were not great quality and probably wouldn't last very long).

I am very particular about things like this but I'm trying to make myself accept that it really is not that bad. it actually looks kinda cool. I just have to get my brain to accept that it's not a flaw, it's just a completely superficial and insignificant thing that doesn't affect its function at all. it's good that this machine that works perfectly won't end up in a landfill just because it doesn't look brand new.

I only got to try it a little bit today because I wasn't feeling well but damn, the difference to my old machine is huge!! it's so much more fun and easy to use - I love having the needle threader and that it can automatically cut the yarn when you're done. and with the start/stop button it's actually really fun to wind bobbins!! I always hated that on my old machine.

I skimmed through the manual earlier (and put page markers in it so that I can easily find anything later) - it did seem somewhat overwhelming at first. I've never used or even seen (irl) a computerised sewing machine, so of course it did! but it already felt much more familiar after just using it a little bit today. I love it 🥰

(also, I think the fact that it doesn't look perfect and brand new actually helps - I'm not afraid to use it in case I 'ruin' it!)

[lv9su]

K. Bakugo x reader.

Reader has a quirk called chaos control. Your quirk and storyline is based off the character shadow from the sonic universe but ofc not the exact same.

PART 1, DESCRIPTION AND BACKGROUND UNTIL PRESENT TIME.

Y/n can teleport, fly, fire bolts of energy - chaos spears, and blast giant explosions - chaos blasts. Because of the strength of the quirk you also have enhanced speed, strength, stamina, durability and combat. When I say enhanced speed, I don’t mean it lightly either.

Y/e/c eyes turn red when you activate your chaos energy, so they glow red a lot of the time. And y/h/c hair has natural red highlights in them.

You have to wear limiter rings around your wrists and ankles to control the chaos energy, and your shoes were specifically built for you, air gliders.

For 50 years you were frozen in time. Too strong to kill but also to valuable.

This was before quirks were common, you were kept as a science experiment. And your only friend, another guy with a quirk, you never knew his real name, you were both given names there, he was named sonic. You were named shadow. You never forgot your real name, y/n, but he decided he didn’t want to have the name given to him by a family who didn’t want to fight for him.

His quirk was enhanced speed, you were fast but he was the fastest being in the world.

The were brothers who frequented at the lab too, you never knew why but the younger one - yoichi shigaraki and his older brother, his older brother only went by shigaraki, and they were related somehow to the doctor, you never knew if it was because they also had powers or because they wanted to work in the same field, but you never cared to ask.

Yoichi was nice to you and sonic, he took you out of experiments when he could, snuck you food, played music. He became someone you could trust.

One day, tests were being run on you and your built up energy caused an explosion in the lab, taking multiple lives, the military immediately shut it down, sonic was killed before you, just like everyone else.

For 50 years you were trapped in stasis. Every single day replaying the memory of your only friends being shot.

When you woke up, you fought every military guard who came at you and escaped the prison to the closest city. Meanwhile, in the new surroundings, cars crashed around you as you stood in the middle of the road taking in the city, being cooped up in the lab most of your life you never realised how bright cities were.. how different they looked to the movies you watched.

A group of ..heroes? Came to the area. They looked abround your age, 16/17 with two older guys, one with long black hair and a long scarf around his neck, the other with blonde hair sticking up like a bunny. But they were with the military, they wanted to put you away again. You began to hover above ground and your eyes glowed red,

“Who are you? Why are you destroying this city young lady?” The blonde bunny hair man shouted up, his extremely muscular arms now resting on his hips. The ones your age stood behind him.

“The ultimate life form.” You tilted your head, examining the people before you, their faces twist in shock hearing what you said.

“What does that mean?” The older man with black hair asked.

One had green hair and a green costume, one with spiky blonde hair and a black and orange costume, one girl with pink skin, and one boy with yellow hair and a black lighting strike through it.

“Your a colourful bunch.” You glare down at them.

“..you don’t know who we are?” The pink one cocked her head.

“Your just wasting my time. Walk away, before you get hurt.” You clenched your fists, feeling your energy begin to build up.

“Easy there young lady! We don’t want to fight you.” This man raised his arms, seeing how you were just a kid, you didn’t know where you were or who anyone was, you just had a lot of ..anger.

“Yeah speak for yourself.” The spiky blonde one grumbled,

“Not now young bakugo.” He whispered.

“Why don’t you stop throwing cars for a second and come down to talk.” The man with long black hair shouted up,

“You all came here to hand me back to the same people who trapped me. There’s nothing to talk about.” You turned around,

“I’ve had enough of this angsty bullshit. How about we talk with our fists.” The boy referred to as ‘bakugo’ leaped up using explosions, his companions shouting for him to stop..

You teleported in front of him, grabbed the hand he’d brought forward to attack and twisted it. He practically growled, then, while still in the air you teleported everywhere around him punching and kicking him about before blasting him to the ground, you threw him so hard the ground broke when he collided with it.

“No way..” the green one muttered,

“Looks like bakugos met his match.” The yellow one with the black stripe added with wide eyes,

“She’s kinda cool” the pink one whispered, so the pros wouldn’t her her.

The green one and the teacher with long hair ran to him, clearly beaten.

You hovered in the air for a moment before blipping to the ground.

“Who is this girl..” the green one muttered again,

“Hey, you can’t take us all at once.” The yellow one smirked, charging lighting around his arms.

Soon enough him, the pink girl and the buff man were all in the ground the same way ‘bakugo’ was.

“Okay she took us all at once.” He spoke almost slurring and fell back down.

Beginning to hover again you look behind you “don’t try to follow me.”

—

Hours later back at UA, the pro heroes were having a conference.

You were a threat to Japan yet no one knew who you were, what your motive was and you were confused about everything around you.

“With her powers of teleportation, her speed, and those blasts.. she seems to be invincible. We need to get her on our side and make her realise all for one is lying to her.” All might says at a conference.

“That could be used for good. This is the first we’ve ever heard of her, yet we don’t even know her name.” Midnight mumbled.

“I’ll try to see if I can find anything out about her tonight and I’ll report back tomorrow.” Aizawa mumbled,

—

“You should have seen the way she handled bakugo, all might, Mina and Kaminari… it was like they meant nothing to her. It was insane.” Izuku rambled to the others in his class.

“What did she look like?” Ochako asked,

“She had y/h/c hair but with red streaks here and there, and whenever she used her quirk her eyes went red. It was strange. But she was really pretty.. and looked about the same age as us so I don’t know how she ended up the was she did. But she didn’t even know all might..” he rambled on again,

“Wait what do you mean she didn’t know all might? Everyone in the world does, has she been like ..living under a rock or something?” Sero asked,

“She didn’t know any of us. She didn’t recognise the city, nothing. But she hits hard that’s for sure.. I felt kinda bad though, she was dark and broody ..it was sad.” Mina pouted.

You were the talk of Japan. But nobody knew who you were. Except for AFO. Now he could use this to his advantage, and only the wielded of one for all could tell the truth about yoishi, and who really started the attack.

—

[nisuna]

Here comes the winner of the poll yaayyy~~

Okay so as many of you may know my female reader characters are often very confident and experienced boss bitches haha. Mainly bcs I'm usually like that, but I wanted to try out something else for my other girlies >><< So I present to you soft-dom!gojo x shy!glasses!f!reader hope you enjoy<3

<3masterlist<3

TW: lingerie, riding, unprotected sex, wall sex, whipped gojo, groping, neck sucking, a bit of dirty talk, pet names; princess, creampie ~2k words

------------------strictly 18+ MDNI------------------

"Satoru wait!" you tried to keep your voice down while slapping your hands over his mouth.

"What's wrong?", he mumbled against them.

You were currently backed up against a wall in between the arms of your lunatic of a boyfriend. His knee was prying your legs open and your dress was bunched up. What's worse you were in a library. How cliché.

All you could do was look away and try your best to calm down. When you still weren't answering he kissed your hand that was in front of his mouth as he pulled away.

"We've done it a bunch what are you so embarrassed about."

You felt your jaw drop to the floor. "You're asking me what I'm so embarrassed about?? We're in public. What do you mean mh-"

Before you could finish your sentence he stole a quick peck and pulled away with a grin. You wanted to whack that grin off of his face but all you could do was cover your face in embarassment.

"Geeezzzz", you groaned, leaning your head against his chest.

"You don't want to do it?"

His question made you look up at him.

"Of course I do! It's just.."

"Hm?", he hummed, turning his head to the side to catch a glimpse of your pouty face.

"Not here. Let's go somewhere else."

"Aye, captain."

-------

Somewhere else turned out to be your shared apartment. He was a bit disappointed, but didn't waste any time pulling at your dress and squishing your soft flesh between his long fingers. He'll convince you to have sex with him in public someday for sure. Somehow, you made it to your bedroom and he sat down on the bed, making you stand between his spread legs.

As he was about to pull your pretty little sundress over your head, you stopped him.

"W-wait!"

"What's wrong?", he questioned, halting all movements.

"Just close your eyes for a second. I have a surprise for you." He gave you a nod before covering his eyes with his huge hands grinnig like an idiot.

You took a deep breath, mustering all of your courage before slipping out of your dress. Now you stood there, bare with just the almost non-existent fabric of the red lingerie covering you. You pressed your eyes and lips together, putting your arms behind your back.

"Okay, you can look now.."

"Oh, this oughtta be good", he thought to himself before opening his eyes and having the wind knocked out of his lungs at the sight before him. There you stood, eyes closed in embarassment and almost completely bare. He had to stop himself before his jaw dropped to the floor. Now he realised why you asked him which colour was his favourite for you to wear. Sneaky little thing you are.

The strings of your tiny panties were digging into your soft hips and the garter on one of your thighs was squishing it so deliciously we wanted to put his dick right between your legs. He was so mesmerized by the sight that he forgot to say anything at all which made you extremely self conscious. So you wanted to save yourself from further embarassment as you began to cover your body with your arms.

"God, do you hate it that much?? Why aren't you saying anything? I was so stupid for thinking you'd-"

Before you could finish your rant, he pried your arms away from your body and pulled you close so your face was right in front of his. That made you finally open your eyes as you blinked at him oh so innocently.

"Look at what you did to me. How could I hate it?", he asked before pulling your hand over his already throbbing cock. You let out a shriek as he began grinding against your hand and went to kiss your neck, grabbing a handful of your lace covered tits.

"I wanna fuck you so bad, but I want to keep you in those panties longer. What to do, what to do.", he mumbled, pulling at the fabric of your panties and letting one of the straps snap against your hip, leaving a red mark.

"Well, it can't be helped.", he said, already trying to pull them down over your plump ass.

"Wait! We... we can just pull them to the side.", you looked away and continued. "I've read something about that online. Guy apparently go crazy for that..."

"Fuck", he groaned against your chest. "You're gonna be the death of me."

"What? You don't like it? I mean, we don't have to it was just an idea."

"No that's not what I mean. I'm just trying my best to hold back. But I don't think I can much longer if you keep talking to me like that."

"Then don't hold back anymore.. give it to me hard."

He couldn't believe his ears. That was his final straw as he slammed you on the bed. This is the first time he ever saw you so daring, if it wasn't for his raging hard on he would've fainted on the spot. How could you be so perfect for him. You were usually so shy and cute for him where did all of this come from?

"Wait, hold on. My glasses, they're gonna get all messed up, let me-", as you went to take them off, they were pushed back up your nose.

"Keep them on today. You look so cute in them. Makes me wanna corrupt you." Gulp.

He didn't waste any more time, pulling your panties to the side and sliding his cock through your wet lips. "Fuck, I've always wanted to try fucking you in something like this." he hissed dipping his tip in your cunt.

"Shit", you moaned covering your face and mouth only to have your hands pulled away and lips attached to the shell of your ear whipering. "Don't hide from me, princess. Let me see those lewd expressions, hm?"

Before you could protest he was already pressing into you. So all you were able to do was arch your back and and dig your nails into his biceps. He immediately started moving. It felt good, but something was off.

"Wait.. stop!"

"What's wrong? Does it hurt?? I'm sorry." Before he could pull out, you stopped him.

"No, that's not it. I just want to try something different today..." you trailed off and he was all ears.

"Lay back. I wanna ride you."

Oh you were full of surprises today, so he immediately obliged, pulling you on top of him.

"Take it slow, no pressure. Tell me when you get tired and I'll- oh fuck." Now it was his turn to throw his head back and dig his nails into your plush thighs as you sank down on his cock in one smooth motion.

"Just shut up and take it."

Where did you learn to talk like that?? He was so taken aback that he couldn't even tease you like he usually would. He was the flustered one now and you were totally digging it.

You weren't used to moving on your own, but you wanted to try your best. You soon found a good rhythm and your hand slipped between your legs and went to work on your sensitive clit. As you were bouncing on his cock your glasses kept slipping off your nose a bit, but you didn't pay too much attention to that. There was however someone that paid incredible attention to that little detail.

Satoru was mesmerised by the sight in front of him. The red lace looked amazing against your skin and the way the wfabric was cutting into your soft skin made his mouth water. You looked incredibly lewd and sexy. It made him want to eat you alive. But he held back and enjoyed the show. The show soon came to its climax as you let go and creamed all over his cock. Soft moans and mewls of his name left your pretty lips and he swore he fell in love all over again. Even after your orgasm you continued to ride him, starting to get overstimulated but really wanting to make him cum as well. He definitely could've cum from you bouncing on his cock alone, but he felt daring as well. He halted your hips with firm hands, lifting you off of his cock. You were dumbfounded.

"Satoru what's wrong?", you got worried. He however calmed you down with a peck to your lips.

"You're so horny today and that makes me want to try something new as well. Stand up and lean against the wall."

You didn't protest, making your way over to where he was standing and blinking up at him in confusion.

All he did was give you a soft smile, grabbing you by the ass and lifting you off of the floor.

"Wait hold on this is ah-, you shrieked, wrapping your arms around his neck and holding onto him for dear life. Your legs were tightly wrapped around his slim waist and his hands were cupping your ass oh so perfectly.

"My turn~" he purred into your ear. "Be good and take it.", he smirked, maneuvering his cock back inside of you and making your back hit the wall behind you as he was pounding into you from below.

Damn him, but who cares when he was almost fucking your cervix with how huge he was in comparison to your small frame. You didn't notice how loudly you were moaning at his every thrust before he spoke up. "Feel that good huh? Fuck you're so tight and tiny.", he groaned, licking a thick stripe up your neck.

"Mhm, you're all the way in my tummy.", you cried and his lips were quick to kiss away your tears before latching themselves back onto your sensitive neck.

His cock was rubbing against the flimsy fabric of your panties and he was sure he wouldn't last any longer.

"Tell me what you want. Want me to cum inside? Want me to fill you up until your tummy 's about to burst?"

You frantically nodded your head, crashing your lips against his and digging your nails into his back with anticipation.

"Fuck- say it.", he whispered against your lips. You were so high on his cock that every ounce of embarassment went out of the window as you begain to moan.

"Pleeease Satoru. Fill me up, need it so bad!! Make me nice and plump pleeaseee."

Before you could finish your sentence, you already felt him spill inside you with a low groan and bite to your shoulder. The way your nails were digging into his back almost drew blood.

He wasn't usually this vocal during sex, but he was a mess right now, continuing to rut his softening cock into you, letting out pathetic whines. You were so messy as well, your hair was sticking to your sweaty forehead and your glasses were all fogged up.

He felt like he was about to faint, but his grip on you never loosened. He was gentle when he set you down, kissing the top of your head. Your panties were definitely soiled now. You whined when you felt his cum drip down your thigh and onto the garter. But it couldn't drip down any further because thick long fingers collected all of it, plunging themselves into your cunt.

"What are you mh-", you were interrupted by puffy lips on yours and a tongue prying open your mouth.

"No way in hell I'm done with you yet. This is only the beginning. What happened to my cute little girlfriend? Surprise me some more, why don't you~"

Oh boy.

-------

I'd love to hear your thoughts!! See ya next time xoxo

[idontplaytrack]

Christmas in Chicago

Janis ‘Imi’ike x fem! reader(+ Cadina, ft. Damian)

Warnings: long chapter, smut, angst, fluff, coarse language, mentions of suicidal thoughts

Christmas in Chicago doesn’t pan out to be as picture perfect as they thought. Other parts to the series can be found here.

“Hi, Jeanie!” Regina immediately accepted the girl’s hug and picked her off the ground. Kalia lets go a few seconds later and zoomed past your sister to tackle Jace and Cady in a hug too. You and Janis laughed, finally stepping inside the former ‘Imi’ike house that your sister and her wife have called home for the last half a decade.

“Your garage is still your garage.” Regina remarked with her signature smirk, “We just park in the driveway.”

“Why is it such a surprise to you?” The blonde couldn’t help it but laugh when she saw Janis’ look of shock.

“Because it’s literally been years and you guys could’ve used the space, Regina.” Janis bit back a laugh. 

Cady chimed in, “Honestly the car was a pretty recent purchase.”

Jace and Kalia were already playing with a whole bunch of his toys in a corner while you and Janis only just got settled down. It was…trippy to see this place again. It already looked so different now but still felt like home to you now that you were back. “How hard was it for them to let you two come here?” Regina asked, grabbing some M&Ms from the bowl on the coffee table. You followed suit. “Them? You mean—” “Yeah, uncle and aunty.” Regina nodded, “And dad.” She held the bowl closer to Janis. She only took a few pieces— she liked Goobers better.

“They were really excited for us, not gonna lie.”

“Really?” Regina chuckled, “You guys are like their babies.”

“Well—” You squinted at your sister.

“Drinks?” Cady interjected.

“I’m good.” You told her, meanwhile Janis headed for the kitchen where Cady was. They began chatting, leaving you and Regina alone on the couch.

“Are you okay?” Regina asked quietly.

“I mean, you know I’m currently waiting for some results, Reg.” “You’ll be alright.” Regina was sure about it. You were not. Your eyes fell on the kids giggling and playing Scrabble Junior, then at Janis and Cady deep in conversation before looking at your sister. 

“I don’t have a very good feeling about it, to be honest with you.” You admitted, “She’s definitely talking about it too.”

“Who else knows?” Regina’s face fell, eyes filled with worry. Your heart ached.

“Damian…and the family.” You replied, staring at the bowl of colourful chocolate.

“How did it— I’m sorry—” Regina gulped, blinking profusely.

“Kalia tackled me in a hug, as she does, y’know. I guess the impact made me feel the pain. That’s never happened before and I thought it was a one-off thing so I just toughed it out? Didn’t tell Janis until like a week later.” You scoffed.

Regina was completely silent, just listening.

“I don’t have a primary care doctor so I reached out to Aukai to ask her opinion. She uh, told me to go to Urgent Care to get checked out, I did, they couldn't figure it out. Gynecologist saw me, then the general surgery team. Had an ultrasound, got sent home with Tylenol. Waited two weeks, got a CT. Results were that they saw a growth. Another week later, I got an MRI and a CT-guided biopsy in the same week.”

Regina looked at you, sad as she held onto your hand and gave it a squeeze. “It was not supposed to go like this. We were  supposed to see Aukai next month for an IVF consultation.” You revealed, “But now I’m just wasting time, racking up medical bills.”

“It’s going to be okay.”

“No. No, Reg. Nothing is according to plan now. And I have way too much to lose.”

“I take it they say that they’ll call if they find something?” You nodded. “And they haven’t?” She asked, you nodded again. “It’s been almost two weeks, baby.” Regina pointed out, “No news is good news.”

That evening, you get a call informing you that results were ready. Nothing more, but you were shocked they even called since it was two days to Christmas. You had an appointment to go over results, but that wasn’t until the morning after returning to Hawai’i. Meaning, it was at least another week of waiting. Worrying was pointless. You knew the results were black and white, it wasn’t going to change no matter what you did in the meantime. 

After dinner, you were in the old garage with Janis. Except…everything looked well taken care of. Surfaces were all clean, floors have been swept or mopped— even vacuumed, the sheets were fresh too. It was like you guys have never left. Jace and Kalia were swimming out back, Regina and Cady were with them. In the meantime, you needed to talk with Janis. But still, you and her have been sitting in silence for a good while. You were sat next to her until you decided that that wasn’t good enough. Then, came the trusty koala hug.  You shut your eyes, resting your chin on her shoulder while you felt her palm going up and down your back in a soothing motion. 

“We’re okay, honey.” Janis whispered. 

“I’m scared, Jan.” You admitted meekly.

“I’ve got you, okay? Always. We’ll get through this, no problem.”  Janis hummed, “Trust me.” “I do.”  You swallowed your tears, “I trust you with my life.” 

“Deep breaths, okay?” Janis reminded, “you’ll be okay. I just know it.”

You chuckled, sniffling, “And if I’m not?” 

“Baby, that wouldn’t change a thing. I’ll take care of you, and we’ll make it through.” Janis’ hand stopped moving, “Like we always have.” 

That was the end of this conversation. You proceeded to fall asleep in her arms after the chat took a lighthearted turn for some time. When you woke up again, it was in the middle of the night— to use the bathroom. Janis was unsurprisingly still awake. “I like the night.” She chuckled, “It’s so peaceful. I just do my art for awhile. And think.”

You smiled at her adoringly, then asked, “Where’s Kalia?”

“She decided she wanted a ‘sleepover’ in Jace’s room. So she’s currently peacefully asleep on a mattress next to his bed. 

“Oh.” You laughed.

“They’re never bored together. It’s pretty awesome.”

“And now she may never get a sibling so…Jace is great.”

“Honey.” Janis put her pencil down.

“We don’t know how it’s going to affect me, Jan.”

“Still, don’t brood over it. We’ll take it as it comes.” 

You agreed, “I know, I know.”

“Realistically, I can be the one carrying next time around.” Janis mentioned, “It’s only fair that we take turns. Maybe then the baby will finally look like you.”

You tried your best to keep from laughing but you just had to laugh. “Hmm, maybe.” You said eventually, “Thank you for making me laugh.”

“Anytime, honey.” She planted a kiss on your shoulder, “Should we head to bed?” 

“Mm-kay.” You gave in and quickly yawned, “I like the sketch.”

“Thank you~” Janis grinned, “What if I get it tatted?” 

“I think it’ll look great.” You broke away from the embrace and led her over to bed.

Now with both of you comfortably snuggled under the covers, it was so easy to just drift off to sleep. But, you could feel Janis looking at you. So, you didn’t give in to the sleepiness just yet. A second later, you feel her hand caressing your cheek. You smiled, then her lips were on yours fleetingly. You reciprocated, “What?” You asked, voice barely above a whisper. 

“Nothing.” Janis hummed, kissing you again— a little deeper this time, “I just love you.”

“I love you more.” You murmured. 

“Go to sleep.” She wrapped her arms around you securely, “I’m gonna be right here.”

“I know. Good night, Jan.”

————

“Good morning!” Jace greeted you once you’d stepped into the kitchen. “Hey, bud.” You sat down next to him at the kitchen island. “Morning, mama.” Kalia came walking from the bathroom— likely having just brushed her teeth. She beamed, then sat down on your right. You were now seated in between the kids. “Hi, my love.” You leaned over slightly, kissing her on the top of her head. 

“Okay, Jeanie. Cereal or pancakes?”

“Oooh, cereal please.” Kalia decided when she saw the box of strawberry cheerios sitting on the kitchen countertop.

“Good choice.” Cady chuckled, “Sit tight and I’m gonna make you a bowl real quick okay? You want some water or juice?”

“I’ll get the water.” Kalia hopped off the stool, took a plastic cup and walked over to the fridge to dispense the chilled water into it. While Cady pushed the bowl of Cheerios in front of Kalia, the redhead asked you what you wanted. You were still half asleep. “Pancakes?” You blinked. “It’s banana chocolate chip.” She informed you. “That sounds delicious, I’ll have some.”

She plated three for you then proceeded to ask if you wanted a cup of coffee. “No, thanks.”

“Right, the caffeine makes you nauseated.” Cady seethed, Regina walked out from their room at this moment, saying good morning. Your sister gave Jace, you then Kalia all a kiss on the head— in that order, as she walked by. “Morning, sweetheart.” Regina went over to Cady at last, sweetly pecking her on the lips. “Here are your pancakes? Want a coffee?” Cady handed her the plate. “Yeah, but afterwards.” Regina smiled contently, “Thank you for making breakfast.”

“Not a problem. I love cooking, it’s fun getting to try out new recipes.” Cady joined you all too, standing by the island as she ate. The island only fit three stools, so your sister and Cady were standing, actually. Once Jace finished eating his breakfast, he told his moms that he was going to feed Fruit Loop— yeah, their cat. Kalia soon went after him, but not before she’d placed her bowl and spoon in the sink. The cat’s been practically stuck to her side since you guys got here. Janis had just woken up too, slightly confused by how the kids were so energetic already. She laughed, petting the cat which Jace was holding. “Was just about to go in there and wake you up.” Regina teased. 

Janis laughed, still sleepy as she habitually leaned her head on your shoulder for a moment once she had settled in on the stool next to you.

“G’morning.” You snickered, finding that sleepy look endearing. She smiled and lazily kissed you on the cheek, “Hi.” 

 “I’m guessing you want the pancakes?”

“Hell yeah, they look amazing.” Janis mumbled. “You guys make any coffee?” 

“I’m about to.” Regina allowed herself to chuckle, “What flavour do you want?”

“I’ll take anything.” Janis said back, eyes lighting up at the plate of pancakes Cady was handing to her, “Ooh, yum. Thank you.”

“We’re gonna eat out for lunch, but dinner will be made by yours truly.” Regina cackled, making you all laugh. “You— try not to stay up that late too much.”

“It wasn’t late by my standards.” Janis sulked. 

“Trust me, it was late no matter what.” You stole a sip of Janis’ coffee.

“And trust me, honey, you’re gonna be paying for that if you have any more of it.”

“Just one sip is fine.” You pouted.

While the kids were entertained by Fruit Loop jumping up at a toy mouse attached to a string on a stick, Regina checked in on you again. “It’s…fine.” You answered, completely uninterested. She decided to drop the conversation despite the obvious worry. 

Being the youngest amongst your friends, you were used to being treated like the baby. But this current situation made you incredibly pissed off that nothing you were doing could help you feel better. Pain medication barely helped, your only saving grace at the moment were heat packs. Plus, it was wintertime now so you especially were prone to colds and things like that. All in all, you were having a rough time. But, pushing through regardless— as long as they didn’t treat you like you were sick and dying.

You played with the kids once you were done eating. Escaping into their world of no worries seemed like the perfect way to go about your day for now. Janis hung back, finishing up her meal. Regina and Cady sat down and chatted with her in the meantime. A handful of colouring sheets and puzzles later, you got up for a drink of water then handed the kids a juice box each. They said their thanks before you turned back around to the kitchen to grab them a snack. Now, you tried to sit back down but the twinge of pain in your lower right side came back more strongly then it had been like all morning. So, you excused yourself and let the kids carry on busying themselves with their game of Connect4. 

You were sure one of the three sitting at the kitchen island saw you leave the living and walk towards the garage. You couldn’t be bothered if they did, right now. All you wanted was to escape. You needed a moment to breathe and just get through it. The constant, lingering pain was like a nagging parent by your ear. For something you didn’t do. Annoying. Infuriating, even. 

Your eyes were shut as you laid on your back, hand smoothing over the silk sheets as you took deep breaths. For a bit, you felt better. Your mind stopped racing about the possible results. Then, it was time for the self-blaming which caused you to squeeze a pillow so hard you ended up getting pissed at yourself and throwing the pillow onto the ground. Finally, you were on your left side just staring at the wall. 

“Hey, baby.” 

You blinked your forming tears away now that you were no longer alone. What was Regina doing in here? You exhaled harshly, vexed.

You felt a dip in the mattress, she’d sat down. What you didn’t expect was her laying down and hugging you from behind. 

“Reg.” You exhaled shakily, “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” 

“Being in pain is such a difficult thing. I don’t know how you do it, I was such an annoying person to look after.” 

“You’re always going to be my baby, hm? I don’t care how much pain I feel, I’ll always be glad to see you.” Regina assured, “We always did this, didn’t we? Snuggle together, have a good cry then watch a movie and snack on cookies.”

“I’m terrified. The pain has not went away, look at how much time has passed since it started.” 

“Hey, look. Life…is always going to try and be stupid and give us some problems. But we have what it takes to get through it, y’know? One way or another, baby. Some days we face it head on, other days we curl up in bed and cry…hope it passes. Still, it passes.” Regina said, “It’s okay to be scared, that’s normal to feel. But you’re not alone, baby. You have us, we’re here to help you, go through it together. When you’re down we’re all here to pick you back up, be strong for you. The universe has got nothing against us, we always win.” 

 By the time you had turned around to face her, you were in tears, sobbing. You’d finally let the tears go. Regina just held you and kept telling you it was okay, that everything was going to be okay. But the sheer nostalgia of her gesture and thinking about everything that you’ve been through thus far opened the floodgates. Regina was unfazed, she just wanted to be here for you. “Did they nominate you to come in here to talk to me?”

“No.” She answered with a tiny chuckle, “I decided I would.”

You only blinked, looking at her as she held your face in her hand, “Look at you. You’ve come so far, you’ve grown up. I can’t wrap my head around that sometimes. In my mind you’re still going to be that little girl, always needing me, needing my protection.”

“I’m not a child anymore, Reg.” You laughed tearfully when she smooched you on the head.

“Well, I’ll always treat you like my baby. Because you are, I watched you grow up, right alongside me. I raised you.” 

“I wish you didn’t have to.” You swallowed the painful lump in your throat, “You missed out on a lot because of me.”

“Never.” Regina’s eyes got teary, “You’re so worth it.”

————

Christmas morning, you were all gathered around the tree in the living room to open up presents. You were in better spirits, but there was still an inherent anxiety now that you were inching closer to the date of the review appointment. Jace got a few toys he’s been wanting from Cady and Regina. You got him pajamas with his favourite cartoon character on them, a matching cushion and fleece throw blanket. And Janis, embroidered an artwork of the kid’s favourite cartoon character for him to hang up in his room. He was most excited about Janis’ gift, knowing that she made it herself.

Then it was Kalia’s turn. Regina got her this pair of minnie mouse ears she begged you and Janis for some time back but never got. You two could never justify spending $40 on that, she never brought it up again to be fair and instead asked to have a mickey ice cream to eat while walking through the theme park. “Thank you, Aunt Reggie!” Kalia gasped, dropping the headband and hugging her tight.

“You’re welcome.” Regina couldn’t hide her smile.

Cady got her a box set of books— The Magic Tree House series. Kalia was even happier about that, getting new titles to keep herself entertained. And of course, for bedtime stories by you and Janis. 

She opened your gift first, which was a Pillow Pet of Valentino from Wish, one of her favourite movies. She squealed when she saw that and was immediately hugging it the rest of the time. Finally, Janis’ gift. A baby blue coloured pillow case with Angel sewn onto it. “Oh, my Gosh!” She exclaimed, “This can match my Stitch one you made for me, mommy. Thank you!”

By the time it was your turn to open Regina’s gifts, she very quickly stopped you from doing so. With her that could only mean the kids weren’t supposed to see it. You and Janis finally got to open it once you guys have tucked Kalia in for the night. “Enjoy the gifts~”

Janis laughed, “Just be glad the garage remained soundproof.”

You glared at Janis, “Oh, my God.”

“You too, honey.” She snickered.

You snorted, “Don’t I know it.” 

Ripping off the wrapping paper, Janis tossed it in the trash can. “Oh. Yeah.” Janis couldn’t stop giggling, “So she did get us toys.“

“And the lingerie?” You held it up by a finger. 

“I think that’d be for you.” Janis laughed, pressing a kiss to your lips. “To think she used to tease us for fucking.” 

“Yeah, well—”

“Wanna use it?”

“I dunno.” You hummed, “Remind me…how long has it been since we—”

“Like two months.”

“So yes.” You bit back a laugh.

“Are you sure?” Janis asked, referring to the pain you’ve been dealing with.

“Janis right now I think I’ll be more miserable being turned on and not being able to do anything about it, than in some pain.”

“It’s up to you, honey.” Janis nodded, “As long as you’re happy. But we can stop at any time, okay? Don’t forget that.”

“I know, Jan.” You said in response, “Always.”

“My God, the lingerie’s already been washed?” You noticed the smell of the detergent. 

“She knows.” Janis laughed, “Put it on.”

You raised a brow, slightly hesitant but did so anyway, “Just so you’ll be having your fun ripping it off me?”

“Look at that, you know me so well.” Janis grinned, ogling as you stripped off your clothes and put on the lingerie set. “Geez, I haven’t worn something like that in so long. The last time I did, we were still in that little apartment.”

“Well, you look very pretty.” Janis batted her lashes and there was just something about that which made you burst out laughing. In that box was a strap, a vibrator and this lingerie set. Even without the first two things, just looking at Janis and allowing your mind to wander got you in the mood fast. “Lie down.” Janis muttered, tone of voice rapidly making you giddy. You did, laying down, head on your pillow as she laid, almost entirely on her stomach next to you, fingertips teasingly slowly sliding up your cheek and cupping your face. The kisses promptly began, tender, loving and like a well-coordinated dance between your lips. Your eyes fluttered shut, allowing the sensations to heighten themselves. The constant touch and go of her lips against yours, feeling it over and over again caused a burst of butterflies to erupt in your chest. Her hand slid off your face, now caressing your side and every so often gave your breast a squeeze, while yours seamlessly moved past hers and latched itself on the side of her neck. You moaned into the kiss and so did she, now kissing you deeper and more longingly, Before long, you feel the warmth of her palm on your lower abdomen. Janis broke away from the kiss briefly, gazing into your eyes, having you absolutely lost in her mesmerising brown orbs. She nodded, lips slightly parted as she asked, “Yeah?”

As though dazed, you didn’t verbally respond and only gave her a nod, your hand sliding back up her neck as she swiftly leaned in again to capture your lips into her own. Her hand gradually slid lower and lower, she pulled your legs open by your thigh. Then, her fingertips were on your swelling clit, her movements natural, smooth…no hesitance, no doubt. You squirmed, she swatted your inner thigh and a needy little whimper flew into her mouth from yours. Her teeth grazed your lips and even bit down, you whined again. She only chuckled, then resumed kissing you gently as if she was trying to soothe you, calm you down.

As her hand massaged your inner thigh, you felt yourself aching and throbbing, starting to leak onto the sheets waiting for her to return to your cunt. Janis was taking her sweet time, though. So you were getting a little impatient, not to mention that the cramping due to arousal was slightly worse due to the quote-unquote growth you had in your lower right side. As uncomfortable as that felt, your priority was wanting Janis. Wanting Janis to make you feel so damn good like she always does. Your mind had turned foggy, and she hadn’t stopped kissing you, you were starting to feel like you were ascending into a whole other dimension under her ministrations. At last, you feel hand under the considerably thin fabric of the underwear, and her pushing a finger into you then quickly added a second one into the mix.  Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion…everything but your heartbeat. 

Your noises were soft, timid…almost pathetic, entirely matching the gentle and leisurely pace and vibe that she had set for the night. A nice change of pace, if you will. Things usually got very hot and heavy with Janis very quickly, though it was nice no matter what. It was always fun to shake things up. Janis had finally shifted, now sucking at your neck, undoubtedly marking your skin in the meantime. It made you cry out when she finally hit a specific spot, so she went harder, and also pushed her fingers up against that spongy spot more harshly, but only for a beat. Slowly but surely, you were feeling the loss of friction, you were feeling your climax approach, you were feeling the pleasure peak. You felt like you had lost your mind, but it was okay…more than okay. Because right now, nothing mattered as much as your pleasure did.

You felt a little bit of a stretch that made you whine when she decidedly gave you a third finger in your cunt. Proud, she went a little quick, plunging her fingers and out of you until you were clawing at her back. Then, the loss of that stimulation was just as rapid. You were too bothered, also too close. But all she did was kiss you again, soft and agonisingly slow, kneading your tit similarly. It felt good, but wasn’t merely enough. Without looking your wife reached for the vibrator and switched it on, holding it to your clit and watched your face contort. You were chewing on your already swollen and bleeding lips, desperate to not make a noise. Janis held your chin and pressed the toy hard against you. You yelled, then cursed under your breath, simultaneously feeling a sharp pain in your lower right side that made your eyes sting. You throbbed, your chest heaved, you were panting by the time she made you shut up by never letting her lips leave yours. The vibrator stayed in its spot, at that same speed but you were getting louder and louder despite her tactic to shut you up. It’s never truly worked that well, she was just too good. The more the pleasure built up, the harder your nails dug into her back, like a hopeless diversion, a useless reflex. But damn was she enjoying the pain you were causing her. Whatever noises that were resounding through the enclosed space were seriously lewd, but worked in your favours. When you tried to be nice and reached down her pants, she swatted your hand away and resumed. She didn’t even need to say anything— that was a warning. Right as you were about to let go, Janis abandoned the toy, moved aside and left you there, making you watch her put on the harness otherwise she’d just stop moving and watch you be needy. So…you watched her, as hard as it was.  Because Janis definitely rewarded you. Not to mention she wasted absolutely no time doing so, the shaft glided into you and bottomed out within seconds. You groaned, eyes screwing shut for a moment when you felt the fullness. This was way more than what you were used to.

Janis didn’t move yet, wanting to allow you to adjust to the size. “Should I sto—”

You mumbled, shaking your head vigorously. Your desire for her was strong, she saw it in your eyes which gave her the confirmation she needed to continue. Janis’ pace started off languish, but the new thing hit just about every spot within you. You were seeing stars, teary-eyed and a babbling mess all at once. With Janis cooing at you and whispering praises into your ears as she rutted her hips against yours, her hands were still holding onto her back for stability. It feels like your whole body could turn into jelly by the end of the night. The eye contact unsurprisingly remained unbroken, You were getting closer and closer by the minute, and Janis wasn’t even moving that much or fast. Everything going on now was sufficient to bring you to your high. When Janis pushed the bra aside, freeing your breast to her, her lips were on your it, sucking at the sensitive flesh…and her tongue swirling around the tip, you were done for. You clenched around the shaft, clinging onto Janis as you began to write out every wave of your orgasm. Which…somehow was one of the most intense ones you’ve ever had. Janis was still thrusting in and out, much slower now. Your legs were shaking by the time she’d pulled out.

You were in a very worry-free dazed state for awhile, enjoying being in the embrace of your wife, hearing her sweet words and assurances, feeling her comforting touch to bring you back down to reality. You fell asleep without a problem, and while you woke up well-rested, the pain hit you like the shitton of bricks with the bliss obviously long gone. You freshened up and got dressed then joined the rest of the family for breakfast outside. You could barely straighten your back, and your legs felt weak from last night. Still, you gritted your teeth and went ahead, cautiously settling down on the couch after fixing yourself a bowl of cereal. “Morning.” Regina looked over at you next to her, “Long night?” 

You shrugged, blank look on your face as you stared at the TV and munched on the cereal. Kalia came up to you to show you her new bracelet, you smiled and told her you loved it. She gleefully skipped away then you got back to being silent. You felt someone’s stare burning holes into the back of your head, still, you didn’t look back and just finished off your cereal. You found yourself back in bed after breakfast, you knew that if you tried doing anything, it would not go well. The pain was bad, and your first thought was to isolate. You couldn’t handle that much of human interaction while trying to hope that the pain passes. Of course, someone walked in soon enough. And that person, would be Janis. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, walking closer to you. 

“Don’t know, don’t want to care.” You answered snappily, facing away from her.

“Do you need anything?”

“Yeah, to be left the fuck alone.”

“Honey—”

“Janis, I can’t— okay? It feels like my lower right side is getting punched over and over. I can’t deal—”

“I just wanted to help.” Janis swallowed her tears, blinking profusely.

“You can’t.” You spat, “Nothing works! I’m sitting here thinking I’m better off dead. I need this to go away but I can’t think of how it could possibly be the case. So I stepped away, I’m trying to take a moment and just tough it out, I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do, Janis— you all treating me like I’m a terminally ill child isn’t helping my crazy brain telling me I’m a burden all the time!”

You hear her exhale, and nothing was said.

“Go away. I don’t want you to see me like this.” 

Janis left like you told her to. You just flopped onto bed and curled up into a fetal position and cried your eyes out. At first, you were letting out your frustration. But after a while, it was from the guilt of making Janis feel the way she felt because of your responses. About ten minutes must have passed before you heard the door shut. Someone else was in the garage with you now, but you couldn’t tell who it was because your vision was clouded by the tears. 

“It’s okay, mama.” 

You just sobbed harder than before hearing her little voice. “Can I give you a hug?” She scooted closer to you. You sniffled, swallowing your tears. Nodding your head, you opened up your arms. Kalia was being extra careful not to lay on you where it hurt. 

“Thank you, baby.” You gulped, speaking shakily.

Regina came in pretty abruptly, and understandably so. “Oh.” Regina said. 

“I’m sorry.” You looked at your sister.

“It’s alright, baby.” She came over, “It’s alright. Take your time.” 

“Is she okay?” 

“She’s fine, we told her to take a bit of time for herself. She said she was going to spend time with Damian then she’ll be back.” Regina assured.

“Do you feel like you need to go to the hospital? For better pain control?” Regina asked straightforwardly.

“No, please. They already thought I was crazy and asking for drugs.” You divulged. Regina sat down on the bed too, a comforting hand on your thigh, “Is there anything at all that I can do?” Regina understood that better than anyone. 

You didn’t say anything, you couldn’t, really.

“Have you taken any painkillers yet?” 

“Tylenol didn’t do anything for me.” You cleared your throat, taking a peek at Kalia who was sweetly snuggled up against you.

“You wanna try something stronger? We have Naproxen.”

“I guess?” You answered, somehow still feeling the urge to cry. Then you felt Kalia’s hand on your cheek, her thumb stroking your cheek and swiping away the tears. 

“Look, I can even let you try out that medicine I have for my back. It’s up to you, okay? Right now you need something to take the edge off.” Regina added on, “I’ll be back in a minute.” 

“Do you want to watch a movie?” You suggested, worrying that Kalia would be bored.

“No, mama. It’s okay. You need to rest. I just want to snuggle with you.”

“Okay.” You replied, rubbing her back, “Thank you for snuggling with me.” 

She smiled, lips a little pouty, seemingly having caught on about your current mood. ”I wish you had froggie with you. He always makes you feel better too.”

“You make me feel better too, my love.” You told her softly. 

“I love you, mama.” 

“I love you more.” 

————

“Look, I’m seeing both sides here, Janis.” Damian said earnestly, “Your frustration, I get it. She’s keeping it to herself and you don’t want her to deal with it alone. Meanwhile for her, you know her, she cries because people she loves are crying. She feels guilty for making you upset or angry. But right now…sweetie she’s dealing with a completely unknown, unexplained pain. That’s constant and doesn’t get better no matter what she’s tried. She’s pushing you away, she’s snapping at you because…you. She feels so safe with you that she can just let out her bottled up emotions and helplessness to you. She doesn’t mean that she’s mad at you, she’s mad at the world, her body, sometimes even herself for things that she cannot control. For things that aren’t her fault.” 

Janis nodded, internally working through her best friend’s words in her mind, “Oh, my God. She literally already told me, she told me she’s scared. I should’ve —”

“Hey. None of that ‘I should’ve, I could’ve’ nonsense.” He promptly cut her off, “This is good, no suppressing of anything. Talk, talk, talk. Work through it together. You guys will be fine.”

“She told me she thinks she’d be better off dead. I can’t have her believe that. What if she—”

“Just keep doing what you’re doing. Be present. She knows she has so much to live for, but also just as much to lose. That’s why she’s feeling so much, that’s why you’re feeling so much. Remind her that you’re here, with her. In any way you can, hugs, kisses, cuddles, making her her favourite food, getting her her favourite drink, cookies anything. I know you do all of these but she needs extra reminders now, you’re doing your best and while you’re busy taking care of her. Make use of any downtime you have to take care of yourself, without you…things are going to be so tough. You are her rock, just like she is yours. But life is not always fair, and there’s going to be challenges…how you come out of it depends on how you face it.”

“Dude.” Janis laughed teary-eyed, “Can you come home with us? Like— come on, I need my best friend.” 

“Like…back home to Hawai’i? Girl, I might actually consider that. Practically have nothing to keep me here anyways.” Damian said.

His parents had been separated his whole life, and he was under the care of his grandma until she passed away after he graduated from college. He’s just been in Evanston to be closer to her, but he was finally feeling ready to go out, explore. And not worry too much.

“You wanna come with me back to Regina and Cady’s? I’m sure Kalia would be so happy to see her Uncle Damian.” 

“Thought you’d never ask.” Damian chuckled.

“Drive me to the store so I can grab a few things on the way back?”

“Not a problem, my friend. Come on, let’s go.” Damian nudged, and off they went.

You dozed off with Kalia after taking the medicine, Regina draped a blanket over the both of you and left the garage to go do some cleaning in the house. “Regina, she’ll be okay.” Cady instantly came up to her side.

“I know, just a rough patch right now, that’s all. Right?” Regina tilted her head, grabbing the dustpan and broom for the corner. The pair chatted as they cleaned until Janis returned, bringing Damian along with her. “Damian! Good to see you.” Regina smiled, giving the guy a side hug. “Hi, Jay.”

“Hey.” Janis laughed awkwardly, “Mind if I use the kitchen? I wanna make y/n something to eat. Is she asleep?”

“Not at all, go ahead.” Regina shrugged, “And yeah, she’s asleep. Kalia’s with her. She’s calmed down. I gave her a stronger painkiller then she dozed off. I hope it works even just a little bit.” 

“Me too, Tylenol did not do shit.” Janis started to unpack the bit of groceries she bought, Damian joined her in the kitchen to help her cook. 

“What’s Jace doing? Why’s it so quiet?”

“He’s good, was in his room reading the new storybook he got. I just checked on him before you came from the garage. He’s napping too.”

“Oh, good.” Regina heaved a sigh of relief. 

Cady narrowed her eyes at the blonde, “Gina, go take a shower, take a breather. Go.”

“I will, Cads. I will.” Regina took a deep breath, “I’ll go right now.” 

You woke up a little over an hour later, carefully got out of bed and tucked Kalia in so she could continue sleeping. You didn’t even make it out of the garage when Janis came in to check on you. You immediately apologised, and so did she. “Last night, I wanted all of that so don’t be sorry, please. I just dealt with it poorly. I shouldn’t have lashed out.”

Janis noticed Kalia still asleep so she took you outside into the house. Sitting down at the dining table, she continued, “You’re scared and I get it. We both just had a moment and lost our cool. But I want you to know, we’re okay. No matter what we’re going through or how tough, we will always have each other. You can always come to me— I will always be here for you. I made a promise…that I intend to keep until our very last breath, honey.” 

For the lack of better words, you just held her hand and kissed her on the lips. “I get it, it’s hard. Getting used to being able to go to someone, rely on someone. Talk about things…big or small. But you know me, and I know that. Anything to do with you, with Kalia…I’m all ears no matter how silly you may think it is.” 

Silence then lapsed between the two of you, but it was comfortable. ”You missed lunch, so eat up. Okay?” Janis pushed the plate closer to you.

“Thank you.” 

“Of course.” She smiled warmly.

“No, I mean— for— everything. Not just making my favourite food.” 

“You’re my wife. I’d do anything for you, just like you would for me. That’s what we do, we’re partners.”

“For life.” You finally cracked a smile, she tilted your face. You were looking at her while chewing a small mouthful of the food. She held your face in her hand, just seeming to be admiring your features for some seconds before smiling. 

“For life.” She sealed that promise with a kiss.

🏷️Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartandstuff @pda128

💭A/N:

This chapter’s kind of all over the place and majorly unplanned so 🫠 oops. Sorry y’all. Is anyone even reading this series anymore 🧍🏻‍♀️😭

[mossy-thing]

What is in unpopular silm headcannon that you have?

Well, since hair ties and elastics weren't invented yet in the silm, all the elves must have had some way of tying back their lustrous locks, right?

I believe that most Avari, and also some of the sindar and silvans would have either used some kind of fat/promenade to keep their braids in place (if they had a hair type that easily slipped out of braids), or used strings of some sort or another, either by braiding them in or simply tying them, similarly to how we would use an elastic.

In Valinor, I think things were different. It must have started out the same, but I bet simple leather or bast strings turned into linen and then silken ribbons very quickly. Also, there must have been a bunch of Noldor who made clasps to keep the braids in, and I bet there was an artform of braiding hair in ways that made it difficult for even the slipperiest hair types to escape their confines without any help at all.

Also, I know Fingon is the only one we really hear is wearing ribbons in his hair, but since they were historically speaking quite an important way of binding one's hair in our world, I think a lot of people must have had to do so, especially in Valinor, where fine fabrics were still easily available (no one in Tirion would want to debase themselves by wearing rough wool in their hair, after all) although I think most people eventually switched to clasps or even back to ways the Avari used once the rebels reached Beleriand, since those were both tools that were less wasteful. Fabric can easily rip, especially when it gets old, and there are far better purposes for it than vanity (like bandages) but a carved stone clasp takes quite some time to wear out. There were definitely simpler styles used as well, since people simply did not have the time to spent hours of their morning braiding their hair. They had far more important things to do! Like getting ready to die in the Nirnaeth-- I mean preparing themselves to win in their last glorious battle against Morgoth!

This would then make the few people still wearing ribbons appear as a symbol of what the Noldor lost, over time. Fingon wearing his golden, untainted and unstained ribbons to every feast, every battle, every political meeting, would certainly act as a sign of hope.

Outside of the silm and in our world, the colour gold was used to symbolize the presence of the Christian god in European medieval paintings, and since Manwë heard and answered Fingon's prayer at Thangorodrim, my sleep deprived brain cannot but connect those two dots and argue that to the few Noldor who were still pious towards the Valar (though probably in secret) Fingon was like a connection to them, like a reassurance that actually, the Valar had not left them, that actually, there was still hope.

And then the Nirnaeth Arnoediad happened and Fingon was crushed, and to those who sometimes saw a glint of tattered gold in Maedhros' hair the remaining ribbon meant nothing but that they had truly and utterly been forsaken.

[prophetszendo]

Shift in Vampirism

Summary: after looting an abandoned manor, you find a strange scroll, which can change everything for you and Astarion.

Pairing: astarion/you (no pronouns or y/n used, can be any of you)

Word count: 4.7k

Warning: blood, and more blood, and a bit of pain. Also english is not my first language, yet this is my first ever english fanfic I've written. Feel free to point out mistakes or spelling errors or sentences that just sound weird <3

Also, about the dialogs: the software I used to tyoe this out automatically turns the first " into the downward version of it: „. It is because it uses my native language, and here this is how we write them. I didn't figure out how to turn it off and by the time I finisned the fic, manually doing it would have taken me a long time.

This fic is based on a dream I had a few weeks ago. Enjoy!

You sat on your bed as you were sorting through what you looted today. You found an empty village which had an abandoned manor, and you and your teammates didn’t waste any time searching for valuables, food and alcohol. You also picked up some miscalleneous items, of which you weren’t sure what they exactly were.

You rummaged through your bag once more, because you recalled picking up a ring too, and it was not on your bed yet. Technically its wasn’t your bed, but it was the one in the room you decided to spend the night in. All of you got to stay in a rather luxurious room, even if it seemed like noone had been here for some time. Honestly, who cares about some dust and spiderwebs, when you spent the last weeks sleeping on rocks and branches?

Your hand caught onto the ring, and you took a closer look. It was pretty, that’s for sure, but if there was more to it, like magical properties, you weren’t able to deduce.

"I will have to ask Gale about this” you murmured to yourself. It was a pretty dark red colour, which reminded you of a certain pair of red eyes. You wondered whether his room was comfortable too. Knowing him, he was hoarding the best loot he found, not necessarily willing to share with the group. You sighed, put the ring down, and started looking through the possible junk pile that was on your bed.

After seperating the edible and not so edible foods, you were left with a bunch of papers, some more jewellery and some actually useful items, such as torches and a rope, that was hopefully not too decayed.

While you really wanted to just throw away the seemingly useless papers, you knew there might be some useful information for you. Maybe about the manor, or what happened to this place, or about the tadpoles. You knew there was only a slight chance for that, but you were grabbing onto every possibility.

Letter, letter, recepie for some food, another letter, oh, a juicy letter about someone cheating... Overall not so interesting. You were starting to get disappointed, when a title caught your eye: Shift in Vampirism. Curiously, you picked it up, and nervously ran your eyes over it. You have heard about a spell with the same name, but it was very rare, only a few people knew how to cast it. But against all odds, what you were holding in your hand was a scroll of that spell. Your stomach started sinking, as you clearly read the spell, where you can take over someones vampirisim, changing it for your normal, average traits.

You and Astarion had an interesting relationship. He flirted with you nonstop (but he kinda was doing that with everyone, so you tried to not take it too seriously), he drank from you when he got hungry, but was still so cold towards you, in a sense. Not that he excluded you, or was mean to you, but you felt like there was this invisible barrier he put up around him, and no matter how hard you tried, you were always shut out.

And you tried. A lot.

You would never share this with anyone, but you fell for Astarion basically as soon as you laid eyes on him. It was such a suprise, even to you, that you nearly let yourself be killed by him. Fortunately, soon it turned out you were in the same boat. And since then, you were trying to get to know him a bit more. You never did anything that could be understood as more than friendship – well, maybe apart from the flirting back, but that seemed to be a fun little game you two play – because you weren’t sure how he would take it. Worst case scenario, he would believe you also just want to use him for your own desires, and then he would push you away completely. You simply cared for him too much for this to happen.

But maybe with this spell, he would be more free. The pressure from his shoulders would lift a little bit, and he would be able to enjoy life more.

Your hands were shaking. You still needed some ingredients for the spell to work, this magic simply couldn’t fully be captured in just a scroll.

„Of course this spell needs candles” you sighed, then chuckled a little. As you got off your bed to collect said candles, you stopped for a second. Were you really doing this? Offering to take Astarions burden without a second thought? Wow, you must be charmed by him even more than you believed.

Your room had only one suitable candle, the others were mostly all used up, so you decides to look around once more, hoping that the the others didn’t cause such a big mess, that you wouldn’t be able to find a few more candles.

You were able to find just enough. You were also glad you didn’t bump into anyone during your adventure, and you didnt have to come up with a lie on why are you running around with an armful of candles.

You didn’t want to share the truth, because you were certain, the others would advise against it, maybe even actively try to stop you. They didn’t have the best opinion on vampires, and they were barely used to Astarion being one, and they always kept an eye on him, as if he would bite through their throats, given the right time. While he did joke about it, you knew he was secretly glad, he had some nice (or as he would say: „bearable”) company on this hard road to Baldur’s Gate.

But you couldn’t care whether the others will now eye you similarly or not. If it meant that Astarion would be free of his hunger, you gladly took all his spawn traits.

You dumped the candles on your bed, picked up the scroll and gathered the courage to show it to Astarion.

His room was a bit further away, but when you spotted the door, you were sure he choose that one. It was the most detailed out of the ones you saw while looting. „It must’ve been the master bedroom” you thought to yourself as you raised you hand to knock on the door. You still hesitated. The weight of what you held in your hand was starting to dawn on you.

„Come in, dont’t be shy” you heard his voice from the inside, before you could actually knock.

When you opened the door, you were greeted a room that was bigger than your home back in Baldur’s Gate. Astarion was standing in front of the fireplace, looking at the painting above it.

„You know them?” you asked, trying to sound casual. He was beautiful, no matter what he did. As if he was radiating some magic, you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. His hair looked silver in this light, and his eyes were focused on the family that was painted.

„Of course not! But looking at a painting is a better passtime, than doing nothing, or getting dirty in this dusty place.” he said, as he shifted his gaze to you. As your eyes locked, a shiver was sent down your spine, and for a split second, you forgot why you were there in the first place.

But you quickly collected yourself and witgout saying a word, you raised your hand towards him and offered him the scroll.

„What is this dear? Some juicy letters between the past owner and some lover?” he asked excitiedly. But you remained silent and just looked at him. You weren’t sure how you woukd even describe it. As he saw your seriousness, he went quiet too, and took the scroll.

„Just read it” you said, as he turned it around in his hand, seemingly unsure what to look for.

His brows furrowed as his eyes were going faster and faster over the lines. His concerned face made you worried.

„Is this a joke? I never thought you to be this cruel with me” he said to you, looking up from the paper. „If there actually was a spell like this, I would’ve heard about it, at least rumors.”

„It is a rare spell, I believed it was a legend, because a friend of a friend once saw it in action a long time ago. But this is a real thing.” you reassured him. His eyes lit up, as he took another look onto the scroll. You saw a glimpe of hope, but it was quickly replaced by something you weren’t sure about.

And then he started laughing.

„This is still cruel. This spell clearly exists to give false hope to people like me! Because who would even be so crazy to wish this up on themselves?” he asked and he held the scroll with two hands, with the intent of tearing the scroll with you.

„I would” you said firmly, trying to look into his eyes, looking for that little hope again.

He raised his gaze, and held eyecontact with you.

„Why?” he asked silently. You saw that he was truly confused. „Why would you want to go through these horrible stuff? Are you mad?”

„I’m not mad. I just want to...” but you couldn’t finish your sentence, because Astarion interrupted you.

„A favour? My life? You want to be able to hold control over me by taking over this burden I carry? Well thank you but no thank you! I would rather stay how I am if it means I am free from any puppet lines that make me do anything the puppeteer wants to!” he raised his voice.

„Astarion, I promise, I don’t...”

„You don’t want to control me? Of course, everyone would say that. But you? I thought you to be kinder than this. Especially after all those adventures, and everything I’ve ever told you about Cazador and my life in Baldur’s Gate! I thought of all people, you would be the one who would not even think about these stuff! Or was being understanding also part of the act?” he yelled by the end of the sentence.

Tears gathered in your eyes. You rarely if ever saw him this angry, and it hurt you so much. The barrier between you has never been so thick, so impenetrable.

„Please Astarion, hear me out...” you said, but your voice cracked as you said his name. However, Astarion was way too in his head to hear, or even see you.

„And what would you even say? Please trust me? Noone would take over my vampirism willingly, for nothing in return. And i don’t want to be in anyones debt! Feeding from you, it is already on a thin line, but it is something we both seem to enjoy. But this? You wouldn’t enjoy this” and he would have kept saying more and more harmful stuff, if you didn’t interrupt him. Once more.

„ASTARION” you also raised your voice. „I would do it because I care for you! I would do ir because... Because...”

„Because?”

„Because I love you” you closed your eyes. You couldn’t bear seeing his reaction. He most likely didn’t love, or even like you back. You weren’t even sure why you said it now. You planned to take this secret to your grave.

„And I care for you” you continued, as if trying to still explain yourself. „And you suffer so much already, and being a vampire seemingly makes it worse. Day by day, you put on the act of being a carefree man, but I feel like you have so many thoughts, fears you never even admit to yourself. If I could ease this pain by taking away something that is holding you back the most, maybe... Maybe you could live a better life. Maybe you would be able to heal from what happened to you.”

Your eyes were still closed. You waited for his reaction, but he was silent. A few painfully long seconds passed and then you heard his footsteps. You were afraid, they were moving away.

But then you felt his hands on both sides of your face. His thumb was caressing your cheek. He wiped a tear away. You didn’t even realize, that you started crying.

„Darling. Open your eyes.”

You slowly peeled your eyelids open. At first, you were looking down, somewhere at his chest. You felt embarassed. Confessing love was not your strong suit, as you have never done this before. Of course you had crushes here and there, maybe even a fling or two, but this overwhelming urge to be with someone, like you feel with Astarion, this was raw, honest, and heavy.

Astarion put his right hand under your chin, lifting your head to properly face him.

His eyes were like rubies, as he deeply looked into yours. There was no mockery in them, yet you still felt like you have to explain more. You tugged on his tadpole, and invited him into your mind.

You started sharing memories.

The first time you saw him, and how forgot to breathe for a second. Then he started speaking, asking for help, only to hold a knife to your throat later. Yet held no grudges against him. You now knew how confused he must have felt, and how vulnerable.

The night he first drank for you. Especially how scared he looked when you woke up. You were not repulsed by vampires, they didn’t choose to be turned into a spawn. You offered your blood, wanting nothing in return. The way he seemed more relaxed, more vibrant, more... alive after feeding, was enough for you.

That one time you thought he would die. It was an unfortunate ambush on you and the team. Astarion, as usual, was lurking in the shadows, but a rouge spell hit him square in the chest, and if Shadowheart wasn’t that good of a healer, he might not be here right now. Your heart ached as you held his hand, hoping his beautiful eyes would open once more. You screamed and cried your eyes out, trying to wake him up. And when he did, you gave him the first real hug that ever happened between you.

You looked away. These were some of your most sacred memories. You felt vulnerable.

„I... You don’t have to like me back. Just seeing you happy and free makes my life fuller. This is why i want to take your burden” you said quietly to him.

There was a second of silence again. They started to feel like you were cut with a knife. Painful anticipation.

„I don’t have to like you back?” Astarion said in a low voice, then chuckles a little. „It might be too late for that...”

You felt a familiar tug on your tadpole, as he was inviting you into his mind. You obliged.

You saw yourself through his eyes. He was taken aback by your presence. The kindess, with which you looked at him made him uneasy. He feared you would betray him the first chance you had. So he went ahead, and held a knife to your throat. And you still forgave him.

This is why he decided to drink from you. Maybe you wouldn’t be as mad as the others. And then you looked at him, and still wasn’t angry, and offered a drink. He felt something that could best be described as butterflies in his stomach. If his heart was beating, it wouldve bursted out fo his chest, he was sure.

And when he was hit by the spell, the only reason he held on was because he heard you. Felt your hand on his.

„This is why I can’t let you take this over” he again, turned your face towards his. „Because, I too, care about you deeply. And you don’t deserve to go though any of this. Especially what happens after we remove the tadpoles.”

„You suffered from it for two-hundred years. You deserve to rest now. And if you’re so adamant, you can search for one of those mages, who can perform this spell. Then you can take it back, if you want to” you said, now with a stronger voice. You knew just how rare the spell was, and doubted he would ever find anyone able to cast it. You were content with this.

„You would really do this... For me?” he asked gently, still unsure.

You nodded, allowing yourself to have a little smile too.

Then you felt his lips on yours. It took you by suprise. You didn’t even have to process that the feelings were mutual, and now he was kissing you.

After the initial suprise, you didn’t hesitate to kiss back. His lips were suprisingly soft and warm, and you wanted this moment to never end. You opened your mouth, allowing him to kiss you deeper. Astarion immediately understood your desire, and made his way towards your tongue. You felt his sharp fangs on your lips, but they felt exciting, if anything. You slowly wrapped your arms around him, hugging him closer than you ever did.

„Gods, how long I wanted to do this” he said, as he pulled back a little. You were lost for words. You still felt his mouth on yours, and you yearned for more.

But there was something more important that needed to happen, before you could properly explore your feelings towards eachother.

You slowly unwrapped yourself from him and picked up the scroll, which made its way on the floor sometime before.

„So, do you want to do this?” you asked, still short of breath. You handed him the scroll one more time. He took it, a briefly went over it.

„I can’t believe im saying this” he shook his head. „But yes. Let’s do this. And after it, I will track down all the scrolls and mages.”

As the sentences left his mouth, he already seemed to feel the pressure lifting. His shoulders seemed less tense and his forehead turned smooth.

You smiled at him shyly.

You went back to your room to collect the ingredients you needed. Your pouch had all the small ones, and you scooped up the candles you collected before.

You were excitied like a kid, which came to you as a suprise. You expected yourself to be scared of the ritual, especially knowing the details of the spell. But all you saw with your mind’s eye is Astarion, laughing carefreely.

„And with this” you stepped into Astarions room „we can finally start the preparations.”

He looked at you, and took a few of the candles off of you. Well, like four of them.

You laughed at him playfully, and he shot you a „i fucking dare you” look, which suited him just perfectly.

You set up the candles how it was desdribec on the scroll.

„Now we just need to mix the remaining ingredients with my blood, and paint up the Shifting Circle” you read through the instructions. You picked up your dagger and a bowl, and started investigating your arm.

„Darling, let me” Astarion took your arm and dagger. „As a vampire, I will have a much easier time finding the right place.”

„For now.” you murmured.

„Pardon?” he looked at you, pulling away a little.

„You won’t be a vampire for much longer.”

He laughed.

„You’re right, darling.”

He made a small cut on your arm. It was barely noticable, if not for the blood that was dripping down into a designated bowl. After the needed amount, Astarion patched you up, and put a bandage on your arm. He has never been so caring with you before.

You mixed together the dry and wet ingredients, and used it to paint up the shifting circle. It had two smaller circles incorporated: one Astarion, the giver, and one for you, the reciever.

You stood there, admiring your work. It wasnt perfect, but it should do it. It will do it – you thought to yourself.

„Lastly, I would need some rats” you said, and started to look for them. You heard them before, hopefully they haven’t fled yet.

„Rats? Why?” asked Astarion suprised.

„I will need it, because after I change, I will crave blood and if that hunger is left untreated, I might go feral” you explained. You weren’t keen on rats, but they seemed like the best option.

„Oh that won’t do” said Astarion, shaking his head. He came over to you and grabbed your clean hand. „You’re making such a sacrifice for me, the least I can do is offer my blood in return.”

You gulped. The thought of you drinking from Astarion the same way he drank from you sounded very intimate. You had to admit, it was to your liking.

„Thank you” you nodded. You were very touched by his offer. After what he went through, he still offered himself for a future vampire.

You sat in your circle and Astarion sat in his. He put his hands on the line, touching the mixture, as the spell instructed. You already lit all the candles that were neatly next to the lines, all around you. You opened up the scroll, but before reading it out loud, you looked at Astarion one more time. He gave you an encouraging half smile.

„O ipwuli vji nehod vu tipf vji wenqosi vseovt vu ni simoiwoph jon gsun jot cysfip!”

With every word, you felt a strange buzzing in the room. Magic was happening, and it did so all around you. At first, nothing happened. You were starting to get discouraged, the thought of the scroll being a fake bubbled up in your mind.

But then, suddenly the candle lights grew downwards, and all touched the big circle. Fire spread towards you and Astarion too. It was fast, too fast for any of you to react, and in no time, it reached the small circles.

In that moment, your bones, your skin, your blood also turned into fire. Pain shot from everywhere. It started burning you up, or at least it felt like that. You started screaming, and fell on the floor. You grabbed onto your arms, trying to get rid of the feeling.

Just next second, Astarion cried out too, but you weren’t sure if it was because he also was in pain, or because he saw you in such agony. You just hoped that he would remember to not stop touching the now burning mixture, as it was the connection between him and you.

You couldn’t wonder further, and a striking pain hit your mouth, specifically your teeth. You quickly moved your hands to it, half expecting them to simply fall out. You felt your canine teeth grow long and sharp. Just like the ones Astarion has. Had.

Suddenly nausea took you over. The dinner which you happily had before checking your loot, quickly made its way out of your stomach, as it was no longer suitable you. You were trembling, you felt that with this, you had nothing left, that was human.

The burning pain started to lessen. Your skin felt cold, your bones felt light. Your head was spinning, as you gathered yourself into a sitting position.

And then the hunger hit. The most primal hunger you have ever felt. As if you have not eaten for weeks. Your hunger was strong, and you wanted, no, you needed to feed. To feed on blood.

A strong, appetizing scent hit you. Before you realized what it was, your body started moving on its own. You basically crawled towards Astarion, who seemingly also had his fair share of the ritual, because he was lying on the floor, quickly breathing.

You crawled over him, and without a second thought, you bit him, and started drinking his blood. It tasted heavenly, like ambrosia. After the first drop on your tongue, you lost yourself even more. You ate, fed, as if you had never actually eaten before. You drank as if you just walked trough the driest desert.

He squirmed under you. Instinctively, you tried holding him down. More, more, MORE! The hunger can never be saited, you felt that. But temporarily, you just need more of his blood. More of his delicious, rich, glorious blood. More of... Astarions blood.

As this thought went through your head, you froze in place. Your animalistic instincts evaporated, you were yourself again. You slowly pulled away from Astarions neck. You feared the worst, as you looked down on him. He was not fighting back, just laid there, head turned to the side , for you to have better acces to him.

His movements were only to help you, not to shake you off.

Tears formed in your eyes. You knew that after the transformation, you would need to feed. You wanted to gently ask Astarion to bite his wrist, letting him dictate how much of him he gave to you. You didn’t plan for you losing control as soon as you turned.

Astarion turned his head towards you. His formally scarlet eyes were now a silverish blue. They looked breathtaking.

„I’m...” you started saying, but your words drowned in sobs. Blood was still dripping from his wounds.

„Hey. Shhhh. I’m alive” Astarion slowly sat up, and he wrapped his arms around you.

It felt like years of supressed stress and held back emotions just flowed out of you, like a tap, that hasn’t been opened in years. You clinged on him, and cried harder than you ever did. Transforming really took a toll on you, emotionally and mentally. The last drop was Astarion holding you gently but tightly. An act you only dreamt about before. Something you only imagined, a longing that kept you going in the hardest times.

Now, it was real. And you were absolutely overwhelmed by everything.

He held you until you calmed down. He didn’t say a word, but he didn’t need to. His gestures were telling enough for you.

„Your heart is not beating anymore” said Astarion, with a sharp sadness in his voice. You put your hand on your chest. He was right, you also felt no beating. It was unusual.

You put your hands on his chest. Under your palm, his heart was going wild and alive. You looked at him in detail. His eyes were the most striking change, but you noticed other parts too, that just made him look more... Alive. His cheeks gained some blush, he was not pale as a ghost anymore. His face looked more relaxed, more playful and youthful. He looked stronger, like someone who can handle everything.

He looked more beautiful, than ever.

„And your heart is about to jump out of your chest” you said, smiling for the first time since the ritual. You felt your fangs emerge from behind your lips. You quickly hid it behind your hand, as if it was something to hide.

Astarion clearly thought otherwise, because he smiled back at you, and carefully moved your hands down.

„Don’t hide them darling. They are nothing to hide. You thought me this. And trust me, you’re still beautiful. The most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

His words caressed you. You allowed yourself to smile once more.

„Thank you” Astarion said with an honest voice. „I haven’t felt like this for... 200 years. And while I will search all corners of the world for the wizard, or any other cure, I can’t form the right words to properly say just how thankful I am for your actions. You’re the kindest soul anyone can ever meet. Most people would’ve stabbed me the first chance they had. Having someone like you by my side makes me feel... Safe. And I haven’t felt like thaf for a long time. And on top of that, we both seem to have fallen for eachother, which is just perfect. And I truly mean it.”

He looked into your eyes deeply before planting a sweet and hot kiss on your lips.

You stayed like that for a while.

Astarion, the not-so-pale elf, and you, the new vampire.

[slightlyaggressiveaffirmations]

Hey I'm having a really hard time getting out of a funk. I haven't put laundry away in weeks, and all my friends are going through things too so I can't unload on them. Not to mention my bff has a baby and now it feels like she has no time for me. I could use some positivity, thank you.

I know those feelings, frond. I had a nine-day period just recently that we all referred to as "Bed-Fest '23", cos I didn't get up or dressed or whatever.

First things first - it's OK to be in a funk. Sometimes we have one. It's totally normal. If you do absolutely nothing else, please remember to take any medication that you have - including anything for depression or other mental illness. Even if you can't shower or even eat - take your meds.

Second, prioritise those tasks that are most important and focus the energy you have on making sure that those get done. After medication, my list goes like this: dog's needs met, food/drink, safe environment, shower, tooth brush, washing clothes, clean environment.

By "safe environment" I mean keeping my kitchen clean and cleaning up after myself so food waste and such is not left lying around, which might attract mice, cockroaches, ants, mould and so on. Making sure my house isn't a health hazard, basically. Whereas "clean environment" is putting things away where they belong, like with your laundry. I also work from my bed outwards with a clean environment - if I'm spending all my time in bed, that immediate area gets cleaned first.

As for getting out of the funk - focusing on getting as much of the self care list done as you can - but not scolding yourself and engaging in negative talk when you do not, is how we start. Go to work, or school or whatever you gotta do, and then use what energy you can bear to do what you can. Then give yourself permission to just be. Do what will give you peace. Video games, reading, Netflix, extra sleep. Treat yourself and have no guilt or shame about it. This is what you NEED right now.

When you've recovered some energy by not forcing yourself to do too much, get creative. I write poetry and I draw in abstract colours. I put my emotions onto the page - whenever I'm in a depression or slump, there's a reason for it. There's emotions behind it and if you have an outlet to let those emotions out and into the world, they will start to seep out of you and ease you out of the funk. Your feelings are stuck inside you and need somewhere to go.

Get back into the swing of life slowly and as you feel up to it. Even if you don't have any friends available, it's good to talk to someone about the progress you're making - so you could even just blog about it on Tumblr. I just report in to my partner and mother. "Today I got two loads of washing done, and then I didn't really do much else, I just read a bunch of fanfic, but I left comments on it all, which is active instead of passive."

I hope that at least some of this advice is helpful. I never know if I have any advice in me until someone asks me a question. The life of an Accidental Agony Aunt.

The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer

[baejax-the-great]

I've been tagged by @ziskandra, @salesmain @redmapleleavesonwhitesnow @cataliinaa @queenoftherandomword for a bunch of different "get to know you" memes and I read them all but for some reason froze on being able to respond, so now I've mashed a bunch of them together to make a new monster one (okay I also deleted questions I didn't feel like answering).

Share your wallpaper:

This is the wallpaper on my desktop, a bethistair piece I won in a give away from @pauvre-lola 💕

The last song you listened to: '39 by Queen

Currently Reading: The War that Killed Achilles by Caroline Alexander and Assassin's Apprentice by Robin Hobb

Last Movie: Everything Everywhere All at Once with @johaerys-writes

Craving: Black sesame balls =( it's been eighty years...

What are you wearing right now: My last functional hoodie that is nonetheless completely falling apart

How tall are you: 5'9 and a bit. The bit is important. The bit lets me round up to 5'10 and not feel so sad about my height. My dad calls me shrimpy =(

Piercings: My ears, but it turns out I'm allergic to most metals

Tattoos: Nope

Glasses? Contacts?: Glasses with red frames, though my eyesight isn't all that bad.

Last drink: I am currently drinking an iced coffee

Last show: Uhhh... I've been watching Abbot Elementary while working out

Last thing you ate: Cinnamon granola

Favourite colour: Listen, all colors have their place. I just feel old enough to admit that I don't really have a favorite. I like jewel tones. I like colorful things. Blue, green, and purple make me happy, but so does yellow. You know? Like life is better with colors and I'm tired of pretending I care about one wavelength of light above all others.

Current obsession: Honestly I could do with a good obsession. My biggest time sink right now is probably Persona 5.

Unrelated Obsession: I suppose some might say my houseplants might qualify as an obsession. Having me on snapchat means getting daily updates on them.

Any pets:

Do you have a crush on anyone: My heart is an empty, black abyss

Favourite fictional character: Okay if picking a favorite color was a bit much for me, you really think I'm gonna pick out of all the fictional people I know which one is my *favorite*?? You must be kidding yourself.  But you know what, since I'm playing Persona 5 right now, I just think everyone should be a little nicer to Ryuji.

The last place you traveled: I suppose that would be Madison, Wisconsin. But if we are talking about an actual vacation situation, I went to Hawaii in 2019. I am currently trying to convince myself to travel to Europe this autumn and that it won't be a waste because I'll have a migraine the entire time. I am losing this battle. I have had a migraine since the first week of February. (I did have a migraine in Hawaii while floating in the ocean and looking at a rainbow. Not sure I can recommend the experience, but it was kind of... yeah.)

Okay tagging forward (but feel free to ignore this, as I did for like... months): @juliafied @alibonbonn @gladiolus---amicitia @johaerys-writes @nerdierholler @vimlos @swaps55 @sugar-peanut-cat @sugarspunquill

[miloscat]

[Review] Wario Land 3 (GBC)

A return to a childhood favourite.

Although I played this game to death growing up, I wanted to revisit it during this Wario Land series playthrough, to see if it holds up. Short answer: it does! Long answer:...

WL3 is very much standing on the shoulders of Wario Land 2. Most of the mechanics are straight up reused, including the exploratory focus and the various zany conditions that can empower or bother the invincible Wario. The enemy cast is completely new, owing to the new setting inside a magical music box, but many of their interactions with Wario are familiar, plus a bunch of new ones have been added like vampire mode, invisible mode, or wrapped-in-a-ball-of-string mode.

The sprites from Wario's forms to the enemy cast are all delightfully expressive, and make better use of the colour palettes, this now being a native GBC game. But I must admit that after two games with Captain Syrup and her crew, that I missed her as a villain; Rudy the evil clown is not only supremely ugly and an unsatisfying twist villain, but his boss fight is kind of bland as well. Oh well, you can't win them all.

Building on the puzzley interactivity that WL2 laid down, the dev team seem to have brought an infusion of Metroid DNA over to WL3. While there are still discrete stages (and the return of the world map), Wario unlocks new abilities over the course of the game through certain treasures, and others will open new paths in previous levels. In fact, each stage must be visited at least four times to discover new bite-size challenge rooms and find more stuff to unlock more paths and so on. The options can feel overwhelming, but twinkles on the map screen can clue you in to where changes have occurred, and the helpful cave god (who is not at all a baddy that is tricking Wario) will always give you a hot tip for which level to choose for optimal progress. Overall I think this game structure works really well; while a bit experimental, it's also a natural evolution of Wario Land design principles and Metroid cross-pollination.

Combining WL2 mechanics with a more robust version of WL1's underused world-changing system makes WL3 in some ways feel like the ultimate Wario game... except for a reduced focus on coins. You still pick them up, but rewarding you with rooms full of shiny gold has been replaced with more practical keys and chests for unique treasure, and the optional music coins; both these and ordinary coins lead into an inevitable examination of the golf minigame.

The series has always incorporated minigames, which spins off into the excellent Warioware subseries. Examples within the Wario Land games themselves have always been a bit lacking. The golf minigame here, while admittedly decent and the best yet, is a little overplayed. (By the way, it's actually Wario kicking a little mook enemy rather than clubs and balls.) It's a mandatory task for some treasures, and is the only purpose for money which otherwise caps at a measly 999. An optional, longer version can be expanded with new courses by finding all music coins in a single run of a stage... if one is so inclined. I opted out of this in my current playthrough. I've played enough of this minigame in my life, thanks.

I was pleased that my appreciation of WL3 wasn't just nostalgia, it's a genuinely great game. It still has the WL2 problem of deliberately wasting your time as a punishment, but it's a reasonable consequence of the novel dynamics they've invested in Wario as a player character. As for his personality within the series, WL3 is a bit lacking in characterising Wario as the amusingly greedy, lazy, and mean weirdo we know and love. But the game in itself is so charming and tightly designed. The world map and consistently well-sprited environments gives this little music box world a great sense of place, and the complex web of unlocks and interactions seems to be just the shot in the arm that the series needed to justify this iterative follow-up to WL2. The next sequel followed about 18 months later, but before that: the cast of this game specifically infiltrates Dr. Mario 64!

[ryuichirou]

Replies

A bunch of shorter replies today! Starting with a question about commissions and a then slowly diving into shippy territory…

Anonymous asked:

question for the chibi commission

if we’re adding more characters and want them in color would that add to the price? like would it add to the $25 for more characters in color?

Yes, in general $40 is the base price and +$25 is for each additional character. So, a drawing of three chibi characters in full colour would be $90.

But if you have a large group of characters or a big set of chibis, the price will be calculated in a different way (depending on the specifics of the commission itself).

Thank you for your interest and sorry for the late reply!

Anonymous asked:

Hi, I sent a fanfic draft to my server concerning teenage romance (M-level stuff) and a member (abt 16) positively replied I'm "a responsible artist not exploiting the subject matter". Am I being unreasonable finding this response extremely backhanded? That I'm classy and restrained enough to get a pass from antis who'd otherwise harass me? I wanna ask you given your experience dealing with those kinds of folk.

Hi, Anon!

Honestly, this would’ve rubbed me the wrong way too, so I see what you mean. It really feels like it’s “you’re better than the rest of these freaks, but you’re still on thin ice”, as if your art only exists to get their approval. Still, I don’t want to put words into that person’s mouth though, who knows what they actually meant.

Our experience is that we just don’t deal with those kinds of folk. We avoid minors as much as we can because they tend to stick to this attitude of “well if you do it like this it’s okay, but don’t make it weird”. But it’s not exclusive to minors; we avoid adults who talk like that too. We just feel like it’s always the same thing: even if you try to be as unproblematic as possible, you’ll end up being their punching bag sooner or later, so is censoring yourself even worth it in the first place?

But this is how we feel about it as someone who doesn’t get this type of comments, Anon. We are on the other side of this situation, where they would tell us “Why does it have to be sexual?” “Why do you have to draw siblings like that, what about other characters?” “Why don’t you just ship him with someone his age?”

So yeah, even though that person technically complimented you, it does sound super condescending to us personally, as if they’re just patting you on your head for not breaking their arbitrary rules. Then again, if they’re a minor, the server is clearly a safe space for them, so maybe it’s not a good place to have this type of discussion… I wouldn’t really know.

We, based on our specific content and circumstances, decided not to waste our time trying to reason with them, but once again: I can’t know for sure what that person meant when they commented on your fic. I can only guess that if you were to write something spicier than M, they would act betrayed and disappointed, and that sucks. We just stick 18+ on literally anything we do also to get rid of the majority of toxic people, especially children.

For us, it’s easier to be a terrible person overall than to try and follow their constantly changing rules of what is acceptable and “a responsible way to portray something” – they’ll claim your passable content has been yucky all this time as soon as they want to be done with you.

I hope this makes sense…

Anonymous asked:

HELP HELP RYU YOUR TWEEL/IDIA ART IS SO GOOD!!!! I LOVE THE BLOOD ON THE TILE AAHHH!!!! i love how it goes in the grout, very real. very amazing. i've always liked seeing the flow of blood, it adds a good amount of realism (but not too much!!!) i stand with your katsu because those fish CANNOT go unfucked.

AHh thank you so so much, Anon!! I am so happy to hear that hehe! I’ve been trying to work on how I draw blood, so it’s amazing to hear that it looks good.

Katsu and you are people of culture and lovers of fish, and honestly this is beautiful. I am so proud and happy for you…

Anonymous asked:

Idia….why the freak are you falling like Mikan? I suppose next you’ll fall and end up with no pants and all tied up….

YES, EXACTLY LIKE MIKAN. Oh my god. This is because he’s been playing too many videogames, now moe fall physics affects him in real life. Whenever he falls, his pants magically disappear, and the rest of his body is… well.

Anonymous asked:

… I want to touch the butt….✋👁👄👁🤚

I want to hold the butt…👐

I’m assuming you mean Idia’s moe butt, and I that’s the case, go ahead and do it! Be careful though, the guard dog might bite you…

Anonymous asked:

Digging your Catherine AU. Any more art or headcanons?

Thank you so much, Anon! We had no idea anyone would like this AU when we first posted it hehe, I’m still very excited when people comment on it.

But unfortunately, I can’t give you anything new. As I stated before, it’s been quite a while since we’ve played the game, so we don’t have much thoughts or any new art for now :( We just wanted to convey a vague concept because we liked the idea of Azul being Katherine too much lol and then the rest of it just made sense.

Anonymous asked:

How do you think tsums have sex?

Passionately. Animalistically. Roundly….

We haven’t seen the tsum event yet, but I’m sure we’ll have more opinions about their reproductive system when we do lol For now I just think they jump on people (…I mean, other tsums, other tsums!) and rub against them violently until something happens. Do they even have genitalia?

[timelesseuphoria15]

New chapter of Stiles Winchester is up and ready to go! 🥳

Here's a sneak preview 😉

“Yeah,” Stiles jumped in, “Way ahead of you, Sam.” he said excitedly, grabbing another page. “Look here,” he gestured to the wall, Dean and Sam both turned to see a bunch of pictures and articles tacked to the drywall, red string leading from one to another in an unreadable mess, “So here Jill killed the kid with her car, right?”

“Yeah.” responded Dean.

“Yeah, then here,” Stiles pointed out Mr. Shoemaker, “Allegedly killed his wife, right?”

“Right.” Said Sam.

“Both of them had secrets where people died.” he pointed at an article about mirrors and how they reflect parts of the soul back at people, “there's a lot of folklore about mirrors-that they reveal all your lies, all your secrets, that they're a true reflection of your soul, which is why it's bad luck to break them.”

“Right, right.” Dean caught on, “So maybe if you've got a secret, I mean like a really nasty one where someone died, then Mary sees it, and punishes you for it.”

“Whether you're the one that summoned her or not.” finished Sam.

Stiles stood facing them proudly. “This is great kid,” Dean gestured to the wall, “A bit of a waste of time, but great, take a look at this.” he handed over a few images he had printed of evidence photographs.

Stiles’ shoulders drooped and he picked up the picture Dean handed him, it was a grainy photograph of a handprint on the back of a mirror. He leaned down to show Sam and to look at the photo he had, it was of writing on the back of the same mirror. They held the photos next to each other, completing the image.

“Her name was Mary Worthington—an unsolved murder in Fort Wayne, Indiana.” explained Dean.

Sam was impressed.

Stiles heaved a heavy sigh, dropped the picture in Sam's lap and flopped on his bed. 

“Don’t be like that, Stiles!” Dean was grinning.

“You knew what I was going to say, this whole time!” came Stiles’ muffled complaint.

“Yeah,” Dean stood, walking to sit on the other bed facing Stiles, “But it was great, dude, you really pieced it all together.” Dean thumped Stiles on the shoulder.

“You’re just saying that.”

“Yeah.” nodded Dean. Sam chuckled from the table.

Stiles dragged his face out of the pillow to glare at Dean.

“But, I really do think it's a great way to put all the pieces together like that.” Dean gestured to the wall.

“Really?” 

“Yeah! It just needs a little work.” Dean winked at him.

Stiles grinned and sat up, looking at his wall and tilting his head slightly. Maybe different coloured strings?"

[rhube]

Listen, having worked in university marketing, I am here to tell you that not all ads are evil or trying to deceive you. People work really hard at conveying precisely the information you need that will tell you if a product is for you.

There are people in advertising and marketing who are well aware of the laws about not deceiving customers and who think constantly about what they can provide evidence to claim, not making stuff up.

And yeah, they're trying to persuade you, but that doesn't automatically mean 'buy this piece of shit we're telling you is solid gold'. It means, 'we really believe in this, we have evidence that it's good and could be a great thing for you, but we need to find a way to tell you that and make you trust us' which takes a lot of thought.

And as a consumer there's a lot of stuff I just wouldn't know about if not for advertising. We need advertising to tell people there are solutions to problems, quality products, and fun things to get excited about.

Advertising isn't inherently BAD. And it's one of the few industries in which creative people can make a liveable wage with their art or writing.

The problem we have at the moment is that a lot of people with no training in making good ads, people who don't care about laws, or are based somewhere with less regulation, who are churning out annoying, misleading, not-accesdible garbage.

And these people aren't researching their audience and tailoring the content to people for whom its relevant. Instead a whole tech industry has grown up where people who know fuck all about marketing have companies that scrape and aggregate your data, who sell it to other tech companies that sell advertising space, which is bought up by yet another automated service that has been trained to get 'the best deal' for the company that wants to sell a product.

That's not how it works when you wanna make a useful ad. You should be doing customer research with your actual customers. Analysing the data you get to tailor both the advert and the advertising space.

But these automated systems talking to other automated systems don't do that.

Like, first off, the data is SHIT. It may not even differentiate content you noped out of from stuff you looked at for half an hour. And if it does, it treats all the content on the page equally. All the stuff you're ignoring is tagged as 'on sites this user spends a lot of time on'. Whereas human customer research, for which customers consent and usually receive some kind of reward, involves tracking eye movements, mouse movements, clicks, and an interview afterwards to ask what they were thinking about and why they stayed on one page over another. This is so much more helpful! It helps make content more useful to users and prevents wasted marketing effort.

But almost no one does it these days because, well, it's expensive. You gotta compensate the consumers you do your research with, design sensible things for them to test, have someone monitor and analyse what they do, and interview them after. That's very expensive compared to a bunch of lightning fast calculations that can all be automated. So companies don't pay to do it properly, and they don't actually tailor their ads to you, and they're not trying to be informative.

At best (and I can't stress enough how rare this is) ads that are based on this data and algorithms and/or machine learning deliver what will get you to look at the ad for longer or click the ad to go to a website. But if that means bright flashing colours and the world's tiniest 'x' so you can't actually close the ad without clicking through, these automated systems are designed to get you to do THAT, not buy the product.

Honestly, I know it sounds like I'm asking for sympathy for the devil, but I have seen this from the tech side, the marketing side, the researcher side, and the user doing the test. I have taken a course on content strategy and heard what academics in this field have to say, and it's honestly not evil. They're trying to adapt to an environment where you're constantly barraged with demands on your attention, so it is in the advertiser's best interest to be clear and tailored and not waste your time.

But unfortunately an awful lot of people have been sold on the idea that these automated systems ARE targeting people who would be interested with stuff that's relevant to them, and they're just NOT.

You can see it if you compare an entertaining TV ad by an established brand who can pay for the research to the vast majority of internet ads. They can be funny, entertaining, informative, even insightful. They can also be stereotyped and annoying of course, but on the whole they're much less of a headache than the nonsense funnel we get exposed to constantly online and in mobile games.

Tbh, advertisers, producers, and consumers have all been screwed over by VC-owned companies that are being squeezed from on high for every last drop of short term capital. And that means automating things because it's cheaper and quicker than human analysis, even if it means the whole thing becomes annoying, unhelpful garbage.

But scale it back and think about your artist friend. Your creator with a small etsy business. Your self-published author. Your inventor with a neat accessibility tool. They aren't producing groceries, but if they don't advertise, literally no one will know their products exist.

Advertising DOES have a good and important role. Under-regulated advertising in a toxic system not aimed at serving producers OR customers is hamstrung and cannot perform that role.

The only acceptable ads should be shit like "groceries on sale" and "free event at the local library"

[farehamflorist]

Was it worth it?

The very words Chris said to me the morning after Valentines Day. In short, my answer to his question was a resounding "No"! This was followed by "absolutely not" before I continued with my usual ranting about how I hate the day, vowing as I (and many other florists over the years) uttered the words I have done for the past twenty years "I'm not doing it next year; I'm going to shut for the week" to which I added "I've already booked the time off on the calendar". I really have too. I did it around lunchtime on the offending day itself. 

On a personal level I don't understand Valentines - never have; even as a teenager I didn't get it. Why would a boy tell me he had a crush on me the same day everyone else was being told? As an adult I understood it even less. I didn't want my partner, fiance, hubby to waste money on me, tell me he loves me, on a day everyone is. If he's going to treat me to flowers, chocolates, a nice meal out or with a nice sparkly diamond, I want him to do it on a random day, or a day which means something to us. 

I understand how back-in-the-day the concept of it started with good intentions and romantic notions, but like so many things these days it has become all about commercialism and money making. The making of money though is mainly for the big corporations, the million/billion companies who are already making enough - you all know my feelings on those companies, the ones who are making their millions off the back of the smaller businesses they screw over. I love competition, always have, always will, but the small, local indepenent shops can't even come close to completing against the million pound companies. Not that I would really want to if I'm being totally honest. 

I have no doubt many, many people went into the supermarkets on the day where they picked up a bunch of roses at a rock bottom price to take home to their loved one. I even sent a few people who came into my shop to a supermarket. One guy was arguing with me that I should have sold him an A grade bouquet of roses for the same price as the bunch he could get in the supermarket. The only way to get him to eventually shut up - why people think it's acceptable to speak to me like I am a piece of dirt stuck to the bottom of their shoe is beyond me - was to show him the price I had paid to my wholesaler that morning. I watched as the colour drained from his face when he realised I was quoting him the exact same price I was paying. "You're being ripped off" he commented, which made such a nice change to being usually told I am ripping customers off. It got me thinking though; are we all being ripped off?

I've always stuck up for the growers at peak period times of year stating that they have to guarantee they can grow a set amount of flowers for a specific date so it's only natural prices will go up. Then you have the demand aspect; the more people who want the same thing, the more the price can be raised. An example of this is an auction, something we are all aware of. If we've not been to one we've probably all watched one of the programs on the BBC at some point. Two people at an action wanting to purchase the same thing. An item may be worth just £10 yet to a couple of people in the auction room it may be worth much more, and so a bidding war begins. The item could eventually sell for £100, or even more. The dutch flower markets work on an auction system, so naturally the prices are going to end up being however much someone is willing to pay for them. For those of you who don't already know it is often Russia who creates the biggest issue to us when it comes to flower prices. I'm not entirely sure how it works but do know their bidding causes our prices to be so much higher than they should be. This leads us back to the grower. They may only want 50p per rose when they send their flowers off to market, but because of the demand and actioning of those roses, they can be getting as much as 1000% more - yes, you read that correctly, one thousand percent more than they need. 

I have always blamed the supermarkets for the price increases in the past, and to that point they still hold some responsibility. They are using their power, their ability to be able to purchase more than the rest of us, to go directly to a grower for their pricings. No business in their right mind is going to turn down a company wanting to buy a million roses from them - or any other flower for that matter. Hmm, off on a quick tangent that's now got me thinking about how the price of lisianthus has risen in the past three years; I'm now paying as much as 300% more than I used to. This has happened at the same time as supermarkets have begun to sell more bunches of them. The same happened when the price of freesia rose drastically - I literally went from paying 15p per stem one day, to 57p the next - and the cost of white lilies increased to us as the supermarkets began to sell more of them. Orchid plants now cost me 30% more than they did a few years ago too. I see a pattern emerging!

Right, back to Valentines. We have a grower with a field of two-million roses. He sells one-million to the supermarkets for the 50p each. The other million end up in the markets where wholesalers throughout europe - and beyond - now have to do battle to purchase those remaining roses, in order to be able to supply their local florists, who in turn want to supply their local customers. The trouble now is can we really afford to supply our local customers? My flower bill one day should have been around £350; it came in at £891. We are not even being given the chance to compete, yet we seem to be the punchbag for customers who believe we are raking it in. The irony when the ones who making the millions are the very ones causing our flower prices to pushed up so high. It's a bit like what is happening in America right now. Trump supporters believing that the higher prices they are paying is down to the Democratic party, when it is in fact down to the very man they have voted for, worship, who is giving more money to the million/billionaires whilst screwing over those who have little. The average person with very little disposable income will go where the products are cheaper, not realising the reason they're cheaper is because other's like them and people like me, working all the hours out there to pay the bills for a our small businesses, are being screwed over. That's not a problem to the person getting the best deal, paying the cheapest amount possible; for now! Eventually though the small business will be out-priced. There were five other florists in Fareham when I first opened my doors here; now there is just one, and the only reason I've been able to hold on so tight is because I have a great landlord, and a Clive.

How do we stop this, how do we halt these billionaires from making even more money? How do we get back to a level playing field? Let's not be fools, the more small businesses that are put out of business, the higher those billionaires can begin to raise their prices. Look at how Amazon are no longer a competitive company, as they once were. In fact often the very same items can be found cheaper elsewhere, but they've put so many small businesses out of business with their cheap pricing structure to begin with, that people automatically log on now out of habit. They lured you in with great deals, which now are not as great as they once were, but we live in a world where people want the easiest option as well. Many people believe google is the internet. It's not, it's just become the go-to browser. Personally I use DuckDuckGo because they have better privacy and don't sell my data to their billionaire friends - look into the owner of google and see what an absolutely charlatan that billionaire is! 

Supermarkets have made it easy to get everything you want under one roof. Amazon has made it easy to purchase the bits-and-pieces the supermarkets don't have. Google gives you access to the web. These companies are all owned by billionaires, people who have got rich from consumers choosing the easy option, but at what cost? Those scam phone calls you get; they come from your supermarket selling your details when you sign up for one of their clubcards. How is it possible a supermarket can sell you a product at 30/40 or 50% less if you sign up to one of their cards when they won't offer the same price to someone who refuses to sign up. They've got to be making that many back somewhere! 

Small businesses, local shops, we don't have that option. What we can offer you though is first-class service. Quality products and the knowlege that if we don't have something you want, we will go out of our way to get it for you. We'll remember you when you walk through the door - yes, I know I often forget your name as I'm getting on a bit now, but I still recognise your face. I'll ask how your family are, how your loved one who had a bug last time I saw you is doing. I'll treat you like you matter, because you do. That doesn't happen when you deal with a faceless company. To them you are just a number. You'll find out just how little you mean if you ever need to contact their customer service! 

In typical 'Sarah' style I have, yet again, gone off on a tangent, yet at the same time it is all connected with how this post started. How do we stop this? How do we level the playing field? How do I go about selling my flowers at a competitive price to my customers? It's quite simple really; I get them to stop being duped into the commercialism that is Valentines Day, and I steer them away from the supermarkets, back into local shops, or ask them to boycott the day completely. Yes, how about that? As Chris said to me after I'd finished ranting about it all "Can you not talk everyone into having them a week later when the prices are a bit more sensible again?". Can I? Would you? Are people willing to give it a go? To ignore the day, to purchase flowers for their loved ones on a different day, a day when they will get far more for their money, or pay a lot less for the same bouquets!

The only way any of us are going to survive this current 'Cost of living crisis' is to make the changes. To think about who we are handing our money over to, and work out at what actual cost is their saving comparing a supermarket to a local shop? The knock-on effect for us all could be the very thing which gets everyone back-on-track. Maybe if the supermarkets weren't screwing over farmers the governement wouldn't have to keep defending them. Maybe if we only bought one item of something we want from a supermarket - if you really must insist on shopping with them - instead of three because of a BOGOF offer, the second and third of which quite often ends up going in a bin (not so much of a good deal after all, eh?). These little things can make a difference to all of us who are not billionaires. Just because I own a business doesn't mean I am raking it in. Quite the opposite in fact. I earn less now than I did as an eighteen-year old, back in 1988! Believe me I truly know what it's like to have no money, to have to watch the pennies, yet since I've gone back to buying local, getting fruit/veggies/meat from farm shops I've actually saved money on my shopping. The products I've bought may have been a little more expensive to begin with but then I've only bought what I need - the taste as well is so noticably different. I'm not being tempted by bright colours and cheap prices. I no longer end up wasting food because I'm only buying what I want, and unlike the supermarkets what I do buy lasts double (if not more) longer so I don't need to purchase so often. It's the same with flowers. Their's may be cheaper but ours will last longer, fill a bigger vase and bring a bigger smile! 

Will I be doing Valentines next year? Nope, and I hope that none of you will either. I'm starting the snowball, right here, right now. Who's going to help me get it rolling? Who's going to join me and turn that tennis size ball into something the size of the Las Vegas dome? Little changes really can make massive differences; to all of us.  

Just for an example. If the bouquet of roses below had been made for Valentines it would have cost the customer £350; that's a cost of 140 - one hundred and forty - percent higher than it cost today! Next week it could possibly be even cheaper still! The same size, the same variety, just a different non-commercial billionaires day!

[everygame]

Ancipital

Developed/Published by: Llamasoft Released: 10/1984 Completed: 12/05/2024 Completion: Collected GOATS and all camels on easy, no quicksaves, only allowing myself to rewind if I walked into a wall because dying because you walk into a wall is absurd. 1,567,999 and 62%. Version Played: Llamasoft: The Jeff Minter Story

The final game of Llamasoft: The Jeff Minter Story’s “The Hairy Years” section, after my first game of Ancipital I thought “well this is another overdesigned, confusing, flawed bit of Llamasoft nonsense that I don’t get at all.”

Because I’m a professional, I kept playing, and I’ve ended up thinking that Ancipital is a overdesigned, confusing, flawed bit of Llamasoft nonsense that I… kind of love???

Ancipital is not especially easy to explain, but I’ll have a crack at it. It’s essentially Jeff Minter’s attempt to take on the multi-screen adventures that ruled the home computer era–your Jet Set Willys and the like. There are 100 connected screens here, but rather than jump around them avoiding enemies and collecting items, your hero, a wee goat man, is able to change gravity to move to each side of the screen, and you have to survive on each screen until a timer runs out before you can go to another. But not only that. Each room you go to has up to 4 exits (one on each wall) and the only way to open those exits is to perform the action required in the screen to open them.

Generally, this means shooting enemies. In the simplest examples (like on the first screen) if you shoot an enemy, their corpse falls onto the side of the screen you are standing on (so if you’re standing on the right, they fall right.) Each time you get some screen shake feedback, you know you’re doing it right, and you’ll see the indicator in the HUD update to let you know that the wall has been damaged (you can tell which walls have doors in each room because the HUD marks them. So don’t waste time firing from a wall that’ll never turn into a door.)

Of course, it’s not all that simple. In other screens, you might have to shoot particular enemies. Or collide with them. Or not shoot them at all. To help, in a surprisingly generous fashion, Minter has ensured every screen has a hint that you can pause the game to see, which helps significantly. And, if you’re completely stuck or about to die, you can fire your “body bomb” which kills you but opens all the doors on screen, rather handily.

Your goal, then, is to complete all 100 screens, but to make it more of an adventure, the map isn’t fully open and you have to collect seven coloured camels–each of whom unlocks some doors on the map that can’t be opened otherwise. And you also have to collect five goats to spell G-O-A-T-S, which grants you the power to open doors on walls just by leaping on them. It’s necessary, apparently, to 100% the game, and is the only way to open doors after you’ve left a screen once–because if you leave a screen once the timer is up, the screen is cleared of enemies, so it’s impossible to perform the actions that would open any doors.

This is… surprisingly complicated, but once you get it, you get it. Get into a room. Work out what you need to do to open doors. Do that, opening every door in the room, leave as soon as the timer is up, repeat. With the idea that across multiple runs you’ll start to find camels, goats, and work out the optimum path.

It is, as I said, still somewhat flawed. The C64 screen is cramped especially with the amount of information the HUD has to convey, and so most screens are absolute chaos as you find it incredibly hard to actually avoid taking damage from enemies. Like Revenge of the Mutant Camels, then, it ends up an endurance shooter–you have a long health bar, and revealing doors actually gives you some health back. There are some tactics here for super-players, I think–if you can survive to the point where you get the GOATS power opening as few doors as possible, then you can keep a bunch in your back pocket to heal when you need. But I suspect most players never got that far, although on easy you’re given loads of lives. The system ends up, as in Revenge of the Mutant Camels, just feeling kind of sloppy and unrewarding, which is actually disappointing, because your wee goat man controls surprisingly well. You have to master mid-air gravity changes to switch to perpendicular walls, and it just feels good, but no matter how responsive he is there’s many a frustrating moment as you find yourself unable to get away from an enemy before it’s sapped most of your life bar–worst on a room where all the doors are already opened. There’s also the terrible decision that if you simply walk into a wall, you die. I think it’s a quirk of the collision related to mid-air gravity changes–if you turn too late and slam into a wall on your side, you die, so if you walk into one you’re technically on your side so you die–but it’s so annoying that I immediately started rewinding when I did that. I feel no shame and you shouldn’t either.

Despite these flaws, Ancipital got its hooks into me. Learning how to complete each room was enjoyable, and my first few games ending in dead ends made me understand how to play the game. It came with a manual featuring a blank map, and it’s clear that filling it in with details, essentially writing your own guide for the game as you go, would be part of the fun.

However, if you’re like me, you’re going to admit that you don’t have time for that, and probably start hunting around to see if there are any guides or anything easily accessible online. Well, there aren’t… or weren’t!

You see, I remembered that Ancipital was featured in Retro Gamer #253, and there’s an aside in the article that mentions that legendary games journalist and developer Gary Penn attributes his start in the industry to being the first person to complete Ancipital, and sending a guide in to Personal Computer Games magazine, where it was published.

Again, I have to give props to archive.org for coming up with the goods, because it was with some quick skimming through their collection I was able to find it. And here it is!

My heart sank when I read that he’d sent a mega-map and tips for every room of Ancipital and that they’d only printed a small selection (although surprisingly they do print some of the handiest tips, for ? and 1st Phagorian, which are both troublesome) because I imagine those are lost forever. But this is still a superb resource for anyone who might actually want to give Ancipital a shot. I suggest for anyone who likes the sound of it that you start playing, get used to the controls, mess around and get lost. Then, when you want to take it seriously… just use Gary’s map! You’ll still have to solve nearly every room, and survive them in the first place. It’s almost like a curated tour of the game, and it’s one I enjoyed very much. I’ll admit that eventually the game got too much for me–there are too many rooms where I feel taking damage is impossible, and you eventually just run out of lives–so I was quite satisfied to give it up having seen 62% on my best run. But this is a great wee game for those willing to give their time to it.

Will I ever play it again? I don’t intend to, but one of the nice/interesting things about this is that it just about splits the difference between a score attack and an adventure. Taking on my current high score would take a fairly ridiculous amount of time, but it’s not like I wouldn’t be interested; just get better on the rooms you can avoid damage on I guess…

Final Thought: Speaking of, one of the most amusing and revealing things Minter admits in his writing on Ancipital is that on launch he had only ever managed to see 89% of the game on a single run. One has to assume that he had tested every screen and confirmed that you could actually get 100% before it came out, but he must have felt a relief when that letter from Gary Penn dropped through the letterbox…

Support Every Game I’ve Finished on ko-fi! If you read this on ko-fi, you'd have got an exclusive Ancipital poster that you could use as your phone background. You can pick up digital copies of exp., a zine featuring all-exclusive writing at my shop, or join as a supporter at just $1 a month and get articles like this a week early.

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Before I get to Fearless in Love, I listened to Voyage in Time (2022), which is a live album that compiles songs from along their career up until Colours in the Sun. I don't have much to say about it, other than it's a good, fun album. The speeches between the songs (or even in the middle of them!) are hilarious. It's so fun to hear the band banter. They don't take themselves too seriously. This especially shows in the album's version of White Shadow, which opens with a funny speech from Daniel and towards the end, Alex (or Danny? I can't tell) just gives up on signing lyrics and just growls wordlessly, to which Daniel (or Alex??) goes "What? Speak clearly!". Comedy gold.

The mid speeches do give some interesting insight to the band's influences, like these specific versions of Iron Dream and The Meaning of I show. I think it's also fun how they keep yelling out random places like "Let's go, Brazil! Let's go Reykjavik!".

Anyway, Fearless in Love from 2023.

The Best Intentions and Prince of Fire, the first two tracks, don't waste time. They open with trance-like synths, then quickly slap you with the guitars, as if to remind you that, yes, Voyager is indeed a heavy metal band. Despite having similar openings, the two songs have entirely different moods. The Best Intentions is a fast-paced "opening mood" song, while Prince of Fire is... almost melancholic. Prince of Fire, Ultraviolet and Listen are actually yet another example of how Modern Voyager(TM) handles melancholy. The songs have some melancholy to them, but they also have a fast tempo and lots of guitars. Ultraviolet also has guest vocals from Sean Harmanis from Make Them Suffer, which adds a rough edge to the melancholy. Modern Voyager's(TM) take on melancholy is not being boring about it.

After Ultraviolet is Dreamer, which was another song that Voyager tried to get into Eurovision with. At first, Dreamer actually kind of flew under the radar for me and I didn't think much about it, but it very quickly grew on me when I started paying attention to it. I really like the "getting shit done" tempo of it. As an Voyager song, it's very interesting: it doesn't have as much synths as Brightstar or Promise, they only show up as ear candy in emphasis points in the song. It's almost the complete opposite of Embrace the Limitless, which felt like Voyager tried to "sand off" some of their heavy metal elements for Eurovision. However, as an Eurovision song, it starts very slowly, which can be a weakness in the competition, in my opinion.

Submarine is one of my favourite tracks from this album. It's such a cheerful bop about depression naps and its music video is a fun, funny (which are two different concepts to me) and a charming banger too:

The costumes are silly, but it only adds to the charm. You can tell that Daniel was having so much fun hamming it up as King Neptuned. Seeing A.C. Bass struggle to find connection and finally find his place in the band is such a good time. It's fun (you have a great time watching) and funny (humorous). I physically can't not be cheered up when I hear Submarine or when I watch the music video. It's just impossible.

Then there's the crown jewel, the song that they did make it to Eurovision and placed ninth with. The song that introduced me to Voyager: Promise. It still blows me away how brilliantly produced the song is. It has almost everything I want from a Eurovision song: sentimental lyrics, a banger chorus to sing along to, it's fast-paced, but has that slow, sentimental bit towards the end, it takes you by surprise with a guitar solo AND a synth solo, all crescendoing to the finale: alright!! How did they manage to fit all of that in three minutes?! The only thing that it didn't have was a weird, off-the-wall insane stage show, but the band's sheer bouncing-all-over-the-stage energy more than made up for it. You can tell that they loved being there.

When I first heard that Voyager tried to get into Eurovision a bunch of times before, I was dismayed. I was like "You're telling me that I could have heard about this banger of a band years ago?! I could have been listening to them all this time??" But now that I've listened to all of the songs that they tried to get in Eurovision with and the song that did earn them the honour, I think... This is how it was meant to happen. I don't believe in any kind of higher power, but this is how Voyager was meant to get into Eurovision and this is how I was meant to learn about them. Promise is such a perfect intro to Voyager, it's like a portfolio in musical form. It has all of the elements that Voyager does: synths, Daniel's clear vocals, Alex's growled vocals, Simone's banger guitar solos. It grabs you by the throat and says "We are Voyager, and this is what we sound like" and it delivers. A lot of artists, when they go to Eurovision, make an overly polished and mainstream palatable version of themselves which sometimes sounds nothing like their regular sound, but Promise is one-to-one exactly like Voyager sounds like even out of Eurovision. It's beautiful.

I still sometimes hope I could have been there for the release of Colours in the Sun though lol

The last song of the album, Gren (Fearless in Love) is one of the best album-ending songs since Yahweh from U2's How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. It starts slowly, but majestically, and it builds up and up, until it shifts moods and you feel like you're at the gate of Mordor with Aragorn while he's delivering the "it is not this day" speech. It's sweeping, it's majestic, it guides you gently, but firmly to a grand finale of the album. It's the perfect album-ender.

Fearless in Love is my second favourite Voyager album, but only narrowly. Colours in the Sun was the first Voyager album I heard, so it of course has a special place in my heart, but Fearless in Love was the album that eagerly waited for all of spring and summer 2023. I literally counted down days until its release and I was not disappointed when it came out. It blew me away and it still slaps Promise was my song of the year in 2023 and Submarine was my summer song. There were a few days in 2023 when I was having health problems and I was so down that I told myself: "fuck it, listen to Promise until you feel better" and I listened to it on repeat for two hours straight. And I still haven't gotten sick of it, I still let it play whenever it comes on. I love this band a lot, and I feel like all of my gushing is an understatement lol. I hope I have relayed at least a little of how much I love their music.

Wow, I can't believe I'm already done with these album reviews. I had so much fun doing these. Maybe I could do this with my other favourite bands and artists too, like Pendulum or Sara. Or Devin Townsend and Type O Negative, since they're Voyager's inspirations. The possibilities are endless!