#But putting stuff on tumblr feels more...formal?

[beeserendipity]

I got new gen pens, so I redrew the SA2 Shadow art! I have a harder time drawing shadow than other sonic characters for some reason so I wanted to practice him, and I always underestimate how large Sonic characters' gloves and shoes are

[annerbhp]

If you would but indulge this fandom elder for a few moments, I'd like to point out a few things that I think can make all of our fannish experiences on this hellsite (affectionate) so much more joyful.

Try not to treat yourself or others as "content-providers."

This happens when you allow yourself to be influenced by real or imagined expectations and demands of others. "But I know people want..." "But people would expect me to..." "But they might not like it if I..." "It's been too long since I've written/posted anything..." "What if people get upset if I..." These are the joy killers. The only questions you should ask yourself when posting stuff to tumblr (or not) is "does this bring me joy right now?" and "would this cause harm?" That's it. You can also tag liberally so people can block stuff if they want. That's also a nice thoughtful thing to do. But try not to let the nebulous concept of "people"--your followers, your readers, the internet at large, or whatever--become a bogeyman in your own head. Most of us already have enough internal critics trying to trip us up at any given moment. Try not to invent more.

Treating others as "content-providers" happens if you send asks or comments to someone on this site demanding more content of a specific type, or insinuating that you are entitled to something from that person. You are communicating to that person that they only have value as a content-provider, and only when providing whatever it is you want. This is dehumanizing and ignores the thousands of reasons that person might choose to be here. Tumblr is not a subscription service. No one is paying for anything here. Most people here are just doing stuff that makes them joyful and we are lucky enough that sometimes they share it with us too!

2. Fandom is not a marriage.

The concept of "being in a fandom" is actually incredibly nebulous, as it should be! There is nothing you need to do or declare to be "in a fandom." There is no minimum threshold of love, or time, or interaction, or "production." It's just a feeling. A place. A space that brings joy. (And sometimes, heartbreak, but that's another topic all together.)

Fandom is also not a marriage. You can't cheat on a fandom. You do not have to have formal divorce proceedings and let go of one fandom before messing around with another one. There's no such thing as fandom infidelity. Neither is fandom a job. You don't have to give two weeks' notice. You don't have to post public intent on the town hall. You're not banned once you step out, never to return. You can "take a break" without any moral implications or risk of becoming the focus of a pop culture debate about whether or not you were justified to mess around with another fandom during that time. You can leave a fandom and never go back, all without having to consciously decide to do so. You can fall out of love with a fandom and then fall back in love with it later. It's not a marriage/job! There are no rules!

3. Take ownership and curate your own experience.

If there is a thing, or a blog, or a person who once brought you joy, but on balance no longer does, or makes you more disappointed or annoyed or upset than not, you do not have to keep interacting with them/it. Following someone on tumblr is also not a marriage. You can follow/unfollow as you like, no harm, no foul. It's just curating your personal joy, and I hope we will always wish each other the best with that. If you are scared of "missing out on something," then you will either need to block tags enough to make it enjoyable, or decide unfollowing is worth the risk if it makes you too unhappy to keep following!

The ultimate thing is, it's up to you to curate your fannish experience. It is not up to the person you are following to change to fit your expectations or hopes. (See point #1.) You can feel ways about this, of course! But those are your feelings, which are yours to handle. Do not put them on the other person. Do not send them asks demanding things or lashing out. It won't make you feel better and it definitely won't get you what you are looking for, unless your actual aim is to kill the joy of another person so you are not upset alone. In that case I'm not sure what to tell you other than you might want to spend some time meditating on that one and think about if that's really the kind of person you want to be. Or if this kind of space is actually good for you.

That's it for now. Thank you for indulging me. Don't be a dick on the internet, friends. Take no shit and do no harm. Take care of yourselves! 💕

[roebeanstalk]

Tumblr has put out a survey and call for people to help test new features and hopefully contribute to Tumblr's future.

Please - in these types of calls for information - be respectful, straightforward, and informational.

I know that the trans community and others on Tumblr have been having a rough time with moderation, and I feel and hear that anger. Make your voice heard - but if you are able, try to keep it respectful in more formal settings, please.

Those who are unable - still make your voice heard. If you can, take a second to look over your information and maybe pull back on violent or overly intense statements. Still, I think it's better to send those types of statements than nothing at all.

This is not me trying to get people to "calm down" or choose a non-reactive way to push for improvement and better conditions. I fully believe in whatever means necessary when people are being oppressed. I just know that there is a lot of angry, violent, threatening stuff - and not a ton of the more straightforward and formal requests. I just want to balance out the ratio if we can.

I want as many people affected to be able to participate in actually talking with devs/moderators/other users. If we play along, we can possibly join and help make good change. We've gotta try where we can.

Here's a link to the survey in case you dismissed it from your dash or haven't seen it yet.

NOTE: this does log your IP address when you submit it.

[twstbookclub]

Love in the dark

Summary: Having feelings for a delinquent is... hard. Having feelings for said delinquent and changing him for the better is worse. You thought he would've forgotten you, but even with your feelings in the dark, you had hope that he would. Pronouns: Gender Neutral POV: 2nd Admin/Writer: Kai⚔️ Tags: Deuce Spade, Deuce angst. very light angst, delinquent Deuce, open-ended, I could follow this up one day... could Word count: 3,458

A/N: I was g o i n g to post this one after the Parallel Lines fic, but I was way too excited to post about Epel and Azul angst(I was so proud of them), that I put this on the back burner. I know we had a 2 week post period and now I've left it for a month yes I KNOW, but I was trying to let this one take a while to post, because honestly... we have no content right now.

On a technical scale, we do, at least I do, I have like 2 of them in the basement ready to be edited and like 4 as WIPs, and I'm honestly writing other fics that aren't twst related(heh follow my personal Tumblr), but there's still things to do plus life stuff SO ty all for being patient !

Your home wasn't exactly in the best neighborhood. You had a parent who was barely around due to work, which meant you were home alone most of the time. You had some good entertainment, though. These poorly built apartments had thin walls, and you lived beside the one family that was a complete 180 from yours. 

The Spade family.

You didn't know them enough, but only a mother and son existed. It was the home of a short-tempered woman and a teen delinquent, but you knew the teen.

Deuce Spade, notorious for constantly yelling and leaving the house in the middle of the night after an argument, was the main piece for your noisy neighborhood. His mother had blue hair with blonde highlights, yet Deuce only had blond hair. He used to have naturally blue hair, though.

I mean, he is a delinquent.

His mother was sweet and patient despite her son's behavior. She made sure you would eat, have clean clothes, and a clean uniform. She was practically like your mother. She would sometimes invite you to stay over for dinner, and why not accept such a kind offer?

Plus, you liked seeing Deuce. The first time you saw him was the first day of middle school, and you caught him as you were leaving your home, his teal eyes stopping on yours for a few seconds. After the first day, you went home to see his mother waiting for you right by your front door.

That was when she found out that you often stayed alone at home, and she offered you a snack of peeled apples. Since then, she would sometimes knock on your door to ask to come over for dinner or help her run an errand, which resulted in you staying over.

This was one of those times. She invited you to have dinner with her since her son had left the house again, but you were studying at the table since your home was too quiet to concentrate.

“Uhm, Miss Spade—”

The door suddenly opened, revealing a beat-up Deuce with a scowl and torn-up clothes. His eyes instantly landed on you, and his scowl grew worse.

“What the fuck are you doing in my house—”

Smack!

Deuce's mom suddenly hit the back of his head with a rolled-up newspaper, with a scowl on her own face. “Don't curse in my house, you rude brat. They are my guest, and you will respect them.”

Deuce held the back of his head with a wince and growled, looking towards his mother. “Lady—!”

Smack!

“Quit that. I am your mother and not the one you're mad at. Leave the anger outside and get showered for dinner,” she said, dropping the newspaper on the counter to finish with dinner.

“Sweetie, could you help him out with those wounds?”

You perked up at Miss Spade calling you, and then you nodded and closed your books before standing up.

“Oh, and one more thing,” she says happily, smiling at you. “Just call me Dylla. No need for formalities.”

“Oh–Dylla…” You said carefully with a nod, then smiled back and went with Deuce for him to get ready for dinner. This wasn't the first time you've witnessed this; you already knew the familiar routine after doing this a few times.

You grabbed the first-aid kit and followed Deuce to his bedroom, being stopped at the door. “You thinkin’ to replace me as my mom's kid or somethin’? You got your own lonely house next door.”

You stared at Deuce for a moment and sighed before you smiled at him. “Not at all. Being around a good person feels nice, but you take that for granted,” you spoke confidently, giving him a pat on the cheek and handing the first-aid kit to him.

“If you want to be rude, tend to your own wounds,” you said and walked off, returning to the table to study and do homework despite hearing Deuce groan and slam his door shut.

When Deuce came back, he heard how much his mother was laughing with you and serving you a bowl of food with rice. Dylla hadn’t laughed that hard in ages, and you were all smiles, too. Deuce knew all too well how his mom had taken a liking to the neighbor’s child due to how much time they spent alone, but this was excessive.

You turned and saw Deuce standing there, and then Dylla served the rest of the bowls so everyone could eat. “I don’t understand why you want them here so much. Can’t they ask their own parents to cook for ‘em?” Deuce mumbled, sitting in his spot at the table.

“Because this is my house, kid. You are my child, and they are a child that needs care. Now, stop hiding that kind heart and eat,” she said, followed by Deuce groaning and starting to eat his dinner.

It was quiet, most likely because of your presence and Deuce's tension with his mother.  After everyone finished eating, you helped with storing food away while he washed the dishes. Dylla was gone to buy fruit and snacks, leaving you and her son in awkward positions.

“Hey?” Deuce called, his voice a bit guilty and quiet. The sudden voice spooked you, making you instantly freeze and look at him.

“Hmm? What’s up?”

Deuce turned off the sink and looked at you, looking regretful. “So, I had a pretty big fight with my mom and, you know, left the house. A few days ago, though, I heard her talkin’ to my grandma about how she thinks I turned out like this 'cause she didn’t raise me right or somethin’. So, I kinda wanna ask you for a favor.”

You looked at Deuce with a tilted head, shocked about how he was different after just a little while of being able to think. “Uhh, what’s the favor?”

“Help me get my grades up. I—” Deuce stopped, looking away from you and taking a breath. “I do love my mom, and I can’t stand seeing her cry like that over me. It ain’t her fault I became such a douche, either! I just—I don’t know.”

His statements and requests made you stop to think about what the hell he was saying to you right now. 

“I’ll do it,” you responded, giving him an honest smile. His eyes lit up and he grabbed you by the shoulders, getting excited at your response. “But you have to be committed to this.”

“Seriously!? Yes!” Deuce exclaimed, pulling you close for a random hug and you tried to push him back out of instinct.

You sigh and let him hug you from the side after a bit of fighting, giving in to his efforts. “We start tomorrow, but first, please get rid of that splotchy blond you got.”

Deuce let go with a raised eyebrow. “Tch. It’s a good blond.”

“It makes you look washed out, and you still have some roots showing, so it just looks like a bad job,” you responded, grabbing your study books and placing them on the table.

“Wh—Okay, yeah, maybe you’re right about the bad job,” Deuce mumbled in defeat while touching the dead ends of his hair. “Is it really that bad…?”

“Yes. Yes, it does.” You say and try not to laugh with a small chuckle escaping your mouth, Deuce starts to laugh at the same time and he gently hits your shoulder.

After that, you and Deuce spent day after day studying once you got to his place. It was hard at first since Deuce barely studied and he wanted to distract himself with other things instead of completing the textbooks. 

“Deuce.”

“What!? This stuff is boring! Why can’t they make learning fun or somethin’.”

You let out a sigh and tapped on the textbook page he was on, “Do the page or I tell your mom to cancel on getting you snacks later.”

In an instant, Deuce stopped his shenanigans like a child and got back to work. The sight was honestly funny.

The boy was stubborn, but it took time. You did like spending your days with him regardless. You got to see him in certain ways, like when he was asleep or concentrated, and you even had to start packing him lunch since he wanted to study with you at school, too. 

The classroom was quiet since you both retreated to the science lab for a quiet atmosphere, and you were picking at the rice in the lunch box that Dylla made for you while reading ahead in your notes.

You took a glance towards Deuce and saw him studying diligently. It was charming, even if it didn’t suit him well with that blond hair and the jacket he always wore with his group of friends. When Deuce looked over due to sensing eyes on him, he raised an eyebrow and set down his notebook.

“What's up with you?”

“Huh—” you let out, being caught off guard, “Oh, nothing. You just—you look like an honor student studying so well.”

Your comment made Deuce silent for a few seconds, but then let out a cheer for himself. The sound surprised you, but you remembered that he wanted to have the image of an honor student, so you made his day like that.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to achieve! Perfect! Ooh ooh! How about like this?” He suggested while leaning back and crossing a leg over the other, making himself appear focused.

His behavior only made you laugh, and he didn’t stop until the first bell rang. He tried to continue, but you had to remind him that class was soon, and a star student shouldn’t be late.

The exams went by, and the day the grades were posted was so loud in your neighborhood. 

Deuce ran over to your door and knocked until you opened up, and you were met with a picture of the exam grades on your face. He had made it in the top 60% of the year, meaning he could graduate without problems.

“Do you see this?! That’s what I could do!!” He exclaimed before picking you up for an excited hug. You didn’t have a chance to speak at all.

It made your heart warm to see him so happy.

He deserved it.

“I could only do it with your help.” He spoke more, finally calmer now that he could let it all out. He looked at you with a smile of appreciation.

You just stared at the behavior in front of you. It was so new and weird, but it felt right. He really did deserve this.

You caught yourself staring more and more in the silence, and your ears began to burn before you looked away.

Deuce was staring too, but when you looked away, he did the same with his cheeks growing flushed. Another new behavior.

“Uhm—” you started, trying to get your thoughts together fast enough. “I'm glad you did well, and that I could help with that. It seems you do… have the capability.”

There was a heavy tension. It was awkward. Deuce took a moment to look around through the silence and noticed the boxes around your living room.

You noticed and quickly made up something. “Oh—it's just my family wanting to put some stuff into storage for space.”

“Oh… I see. Well, uh, my mom also told me to let you know that we'll be going out to celebrate her next day off, and she wants to take you with us! So… there's that.”

“Gotcha. Thanks, Deuce.” You thank him before he leaves and you close the door behind him, letting out a quiet sigh before shaking your head.

When Deuce heard the door close, he clutched his chest and let out a breath, then quickly went back home as if he didn't notice that moment.

Over the weeks, Deuce's hair grew out and he got frustrated with its length. He wanted a change now that middle school was coming to a close and he would be going to a different school at Sage Island. 

When he returned home after school one day, you and Dylla looked at the door but suddenly froze. The blond went back to blue.

Your heart began to race as it felt like time had stopped, but you couldn’t stop thinking about one thing—

He looked… like the day you met him.

Whoa.

Deuce saw your expression and raised an eyebrow, staring at you in confusion. “What’s got you all spaced out? Oh, I must look that good if you’re staring!”

“Not at all. You look like you want to be gloomy,” you said sarcastically and turned back around to study. Dylla watched as she saw how you grew flustered.

Deuce’s mother laughed and went to go and mess up his hair by ruffling the strands, causing Deuce to get annoyed. 

“Mom, come on! I just got this done!”

“How can I not? My handsome young man is back!” She responded sarcastically and even attacked him in her motherly hugs for extra effect.

Listening to them argue and joke around was heartwarming, but you couldn’t interrupt them. You carefully got your things and left them to spend the day as a family, retreating to your house.

Deuce started to disappear more in preparation for his transfer to his future school on a whole other land, and you could feel a distance grow.

Deuce started to look more lively and he acted differently; yet still had his pumped personality, but he didn't have the time to spare you a glance anymore.

With Dylla working more to make sure she had the tuition for Deuce, she was gone too. Your apartment was starting to look more and more vacant as all of this went on, a clear sign of what was about to happen.

This was how it was supposed to go anyway. You were never meant to get this close to him. You were the one who kept to themselves. So, this was good. Right?

On the day before the graduation, Dylla suggested you and Deuce hang out and gave spending money as a way to make one last memory.

You let out a sigh as you sat on the blanket in White Rabbit Park, looking up at the colorful evening sky with its orange, purple, and peach hues coloring the clouds.

Deuce came up with a couple cold drinks and ice creams in a bag from the vendor nearby, but there was still that awkward tension.

You and Deuce hadn't talked since exams were over and he began to fix himself onto a better crowd, but now the inevitable was tomorrow.

After tomorrow, when would you ever see him again?

Your thoughts were cut off by the sound of Deuce opening a can of soda, which made you jump from surprise. Your reaction made Deuce laugh before he handed an ice cream to you.

You looked at it and your expression fell a bit. You didn't like this flavor anymore. You checked the other soda can too, but it was the same thing. Did he forget what you liked?

No.

He just hasn't been around to find out what your new palette is like.

You ate the ice cream anyway under the silence of the still sunsetting sky, not wanting his gesture to go to waste. It made you feel guilty to reject something he bought for you.

“So, tomorrow is the day.” Deuce spoke after a long silence and by this point, the moon was already out to say hello for the night. 

Neither of you looked or spoke to each other, finding it too nerve-wracking to do it.

“It is, but it was a good time.” You responded with a small smile, feeling a lump in your throat starting to form.

“It was. Thanks for helping me study and getting me to where I am right now.”

Deuce looked at you shortly after, and your head instinctively turned to return his gaze. His eyes were filled with slight regret, but also had gratitude.

“It's not a problem at all. Really.”

It was silent again with stares that could pierce the heart, but he walked you home after a short moment.

“See you.” You said, watching him get to his own door.

Deuce looked at you and let out a chuckle, “See you tomorrow.”

He was right next door, but seeing him walk off like that made it seem as if he was farther than usual.

You felt your eyes water with every step you took inside your home, being met with more emptiness.

By now, your home was as empty as could be for someone who was also moving away. You stood in the middle of the box-covered living room and let out a sigh of defeat, knowing that tomorrow was inevitable.

At the ceremony, some cried and some were happy to leave, but your eyes could never stop glancing at Deuce, who looked stoked to graduate now that he had his diploma in hand. It was nice to see him like that after the trouble he put himself through.

The day went by without a single worry and all its students were just as carefree. They were happy to now move on to the next chapter. You stood at the school gates with your diploma and a small flower bouquet that Dila got for you as congratulations for your hard work.

You watched as Deuce and his mother spent their time together, and you were waiting for your own parent, yet they never showed up to anything. As you decided to leave, Deuce called out to you and ripped the second button off his uniform, placing it in your hands.

Your eyes widened as you looked at him, “Wh—what?” was all you could mutter out of your shock. 

“To… remember me, I guess. Thank you for helping me get there,” Deuce said, then he gave you a smile and went back to his mom.

You were left speechless but were slowly overshadowed by a wave of sadness. This was one of the last times you’d see him. He was moving away to go to a school on Sage Island, and you were moving to be closer to your soon-to-be high school.

But they didn't know that.

That button was the closest to his heart, and it’s known that most give it to the person closest to them. You let out a small laugh before sighing, and then after taking one last look, you left the campus.

Deuce headed up to your apartment door and knocked, a bit nervous as he knew that giving you the button was risky on his end, but he knew what he felt.

He listened, but no one opened the door. He kept knocking with a look of confusion, but still no answer.

He grew worried, so he put his hands on the doorknob to see if it was locked.

“It's open…?” Deuce said to himself before he went in. He was met with nothing.

Not a sound.

Not a noise.

Not a soul in the home.

It was dark, but everything began to click in mere seconds. Before Deuce knew it, he ran back into his home and tried to call your old phone number, but nothing went through.

You were gone, and he didn't know if that was the last.

The weather had then changed from spring to summer, followed by fall, until the days started becoming darker a lot earlier in accordance with winter. You were cleaning a cup at a restaurant job you picked up, and it was almost time to close. The seating area had a few people, but it was normal for a weekday.

You started to reminisce about your high school days and how everything was back then. It gave you a smile to remember that boy. You had your own changes to your appearance since then, but you were still the same.

The dinging of the door caught your attention and cut off your train of thought, giving a smile to greet anyone who just came in, “Welcome in! Take a s—”

Silence.

Your breath hitched as you saw the pair of eyes you were just thinking about.

His own reaction showed a bit of surprise, but he looked unfazed. Unchanged from the seasons that have passed.

He looked the same to you, and you were the one who changed this time.

“You—” followed by a pause, not knowing how to continue.

The boy gave you a warm smile as he kept standing at the door and had his hands in his pockets. He came up closer to the counter before he sat down.

“Hey.”

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

Hi! am working on big resource library of writing by nonspeaking & nonverbal people , ( some stuff by speaking people who know us deeply or disabled people who have similar but not same experiences that important to understand our lives but I am mostly centeirng us). is sorted by topic - communication methods is one , relationships & emotions & trauma is another , sensory & motor & cognitive & language process & body experiences is another , ableism is another section , terminology section , section on race culture language ect.

1 ) is it ok if I include some of your posts on our library? is mostly so far writing by nonspeaking spellers & supported typers but really want include more diverse range experience.

2)if yes , do you have any specific posts you want linked? or recomendations for posts of other people.

3) do you prefer links to your tumblr , instagram or other social media?

thanks!!!

ough this made me so excite!!. would love talk more w u abt this!!! would love see

1) yes, absolutely!

2) none on top of head. tag “#loaf screm” maybe helpful for this. need go through them n sort them some point anyway tho so can talk in DM abt it

3) tumblr have everything. but also been thinking long time about (re)create website blog on wordpress (or sth else. WP is only thing know abt) for list more formal writings, since this tumblr is mess. plus if try look tumblr link without account can get weird funky lock you out.

TL;DR yes! can link tumblr + future more put together blog. will look thru my posts n you also feel free look thru, n then tell me which ones u wanna link n so can prioritize post those on (wordpress?) blog :)

edit

oh some good ones

[romana-after-dark]

You know who’d be very comforting and supportive of dolly? Beast. He’s a very gentle man and I think when dolly is having a panic attack whilst logan is away he’s somehow there and able to calm her down. He probably offers the best tea or hot chocolate for anyone.

🌗🌗moon anon

Our Gentle Sins Bonus Chapter: Hank and Dolly

Series Masterlist : Main Masterlist : Logan Masterlist

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Follow @romana-updates and click follow, join my tumblr community or ask to join the tag list to keep up!

Buy Me A Coffee : Kofi : Go Fund Me

Chapter summary: Past Hank McCoy offers guidance to Dolly. Present. Dolly should be doing better... why isn't she?

**********

Before

"Thank you so much, Dr. McCoy. i greatly appriciate the help. I promise, I know my stuff, it's just lesson planning for a group is so much different than for a handful of kids of different ages."

Hank McCoy lays out a large notebook on his desk in his office, careful not to knock over the tea he set out for you.

"It's not problem at all, you are taking these classes off my hands, after all. And please, call me Hank. Dr. McCoy makes me sound like I'm in Star Trek." You didn't get that joke.

You knew what Star Trek was, but never saw it, so you just smiled. "Unfortunately, it's a habit I just can't seem to break. I know Mr. Summers is put off by my formality as well."

"I'm sure it's a welcome change from Logan's nick names." Dr. McCoy chuckles softly. You didn't know who Logan was, but there were some people you had yet to meet. "You seem to be okay calling Remy by his name?"

Your smile broadens at that. "I guess you're right." Remy was different though. You couldn't imagine refering to that jovial man as "mr. lebeau". He'd probably laugh at the idea. Even using Mr. Wagner made the impish young man you met last week smirk a little, but he was too kind to say anything.

Dr. McCoy was also understanding of your... strange habits. "Well, whatever you're comfortable with."

"Thank you. You'll have to forgive me. My life before her was..." You shift uncomfortably. "Different. Difficult in a lot of ways" An understatement.

He nods. "I figured."

This makes you laugh. "Is it that obvious?"

"Not necessarily." he is quick to reassure you. "I'm sure you're aware there are... certain things that make you stand out." How you dress. How you do your hair. How you talk. How you are so painfully shy that at almost a month here you've only gotten to know Remy, and that was only by Remy's persistence. You knew people talked about you. You knew people talked about you, and that was okay. You were the weird new girl. It was nothing new to you. "Charles has a penchant for finding strays. I assume he didn't just pick out any non mutant to come into his school, be around his children. You'd have to be someone with extreme compassion and a deep desire to help people. People like that are have usually seen things."

And you had. God, you had. And because of that, you never wanted these students, these children who'd already suffered so much, to suffer more. You wanted to be someone for them that showed no, not all humans hated them.

You clear your throat, feeling a little emotional with the kindness that has been shown to you at this school. You go back to the lesson plans, where you would be taking over the English and literature department so Dr. McCoy could focus on the classes he actually preferred. "Thank you. Um, is this the freshman level English?"

After

"I'm sure it's here somewhere..." Dr. McCoy was searching through his bookshelf, trying to find a book you had asked to barrow.

"It's alright if you don't have it, Logan can take me to the bookstore-"

"No, no, no, I have it here... Ah!" His movements were quick, too quick for you as he reached behind you to the book shelf, right near your head.

You gasp, flinching away. The rest that happened was purely physical, unable to stop yourself as your legs gave out, dropping your knees as you try to cover your face. As you lay there, the silence hung heavy in the air, tension thick enough to cut with a knife. You wait for pain that would never come. You knew it, deep down you knew Dr. McCoy was a gentle soul, but hadn't you thought that of Logan? You couldn't untangle yourself, bracing for pain or for him to force himself on you. Instead, all he did was kneel down.

"It's alright, I'm not going to hurt you..."

But when you finally drop your hands from your face, you're having a panic attack. Hank clocks this immediately, carefully taking your hand in his and easing you from your knees to your bottom. he chastely pinches the edge of your skirt to cover your upper thighs, a move purely for your own dignity.

"Look at me, look at me. You're having a panic attack. I know it's scary, but there isn't anything wrong with you or your baby, you just need to breath through it. Breath with me, okay?"

Wide-eyes, you nod. You breath in when he squeezes your hand and breath out when he lets go. In. Out. In. Out.

Finally, when you calm down, you swallow hard and try to regain composer. You straighten your dress and tuck hair behind your ear, all while avoiding his eyes.

"I- I'm sorry sorry, I don't know what came over me..."

"Seems to me like PTSD."

Your eyes flash to him. "I don't have PTSD. If you're implying Logan hurt me-" you quickly realize your mistake when Dr. McCoys blue eyebrows pinch together.

"I didn't say anything about Logan."

Anxious again, you move to stand up, rejecting the hand he offered to help and using the bookshelves to brace yourself up. "Sorry. it's just... Mr. Summers has been on a smear campaign against my fiancé." I've just been on edge.

Nodding, he looks unconvinced. "I was hoping that now that you and Logan worked things out again, your mental health would improve."

"it has." What more did they want from you? You smiled again. You had more friends than just Remy now, you didn't spend all your time alone when Remy was out anymore! You had Logan, you had Ororo and Emma, you even had been getting to know Logan's very strange but very nice friend, Wade. You laughed and spent time in the sunshine now that the New England air was finally warming... Sure you were plagued with horrific nightmares, sure sudden movements sent you into panic attacks, sure you constantly fretted over you and your babies safety future and sometimes when Logan and you made love you had flashbacks to when he- but he was good to you. When you didn't want sex, he didn't force himself on you. He took care of you. he was the soft, gentle Logan you knew before... so why couldn't you trust it?

Clearly, he didn't believe you but he didn't wish to push you. "Come," He beckons you. "let's find Logan. You took a fall, we should get you checked out."

Telling Logan what happened, of course, lead to Logan shouting at Dr. McCoy for spooking you, and you quickly admonish him for speaking that way to a college who was nothing but kind. Logan's temper... You were fine, your baby was fine... but you couldn't help the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that it was all just slipping away...

***********

Thanks for the ask! i couldn't help myself and wrote a lil bonus chapter while im supossed to be writing a paper. oopsies!

@multiversed-daydreamer @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @del-ightfulling @miraclesabound @hindi-si-ikay @samsamsantos @madamerubrum @shybluebirdninja a @hornystan @rogueinmymind @accountforreading123 @yawnetu @princessanglophile @and-claudia @new-genesis1000 @teaganthemorningstarr @oldloganslittleslut @zaggprincess2 @bugsinmyeyez @groundclueless @cosmolight @nonamevenus

[qqueenofhades]

thank you for your post i’m doing my best to stay informed on the conflict and i’m very young. i feel guilty being quiet as i understand to uplift voices helps prevent their silencing but this has lead me to not critically think about what i’m spreading

it’s been a long month. i’m only a kid and watching the world go to shit like this has been awful, I always wondered how millennials who lived through post nine eleven imperialism coped and god i’m still not sure how.

I am as a white gentile in a position of privilege and mostly my own person is unaffected by the uptick in violence and evil in the world right now. But my friends who i see every day are in more danger due to this conflict and i feel awful that i cannot ever fully understand or fix the deaths of people.

Right now I’m being a bit too reactionary. I’m doing my best but in the end I am not immune to fearmongering and propoganda, especially in these last couple sleepless weeks.

So thank you and everyone who is keeping level heads and desconstructing what’s happening. I’m sorry and i strive to be better. Thank you.

To anyone living in fear right now i’m so sorry. I will listen when you speak.

Once again I just want to say that I am a busy and uninformed student, and I wish that i had more teachers and authority figures that had objective facts to tell me. It’s suffocating to have fake news everywhere but feel powerless if you don’t know anything

it’s ok if you don’t respond to this

Thank you for your post

Thanks for this message and for taking the time to put it into words and to reflect on your own actions and rhetoric. It takes a lot of courage and self-awareness to admit that you were wrong and that you want to do better, and I'm not going to rip into you or blame you or otherwise shame you for it. So I hope this gives you the confidence to read on without feeling like you'll be raked over the coals for it, and open you to hear some ideas for doing things differently.

First, I do have a ton of sympathy for you as a young person who feels overwhelmed and exhausted by all the evil in the world, and is wondering how to get through it, react to it, or otherwise make some kind of moral response in the face of this soul-crushing trauma. I will say here that I am a little bit older than your average Tumblr user (the majority of this site is in their early-mid twenties), I do personally remember 9/11 and its aftermath when a lot of people here weren't even born yet, and I am an academic historian with a doctorate. That does not mean I am better or smarter or More Perfect or whatever at what I say, but it means that I do have a considerable amount of institutional, formal, and professional practice at analyzing a lot of complex information, putting it into words, breaking it down for less-specialist audiences, pointing out logical fallacies, and so forth.

That is not a skill that everyone has, and in the face of nonstop 24-hour news-cycle social media information overload, it can be incredibly difficult to parse it or understand how you're supposed to respond to it or what your moral obligation in response to this knowledge might be. I wrote this ask the other day in response to someone else asking how to improve their critical thinking skills and be more discerning about what they understood, shared, and analyzed. I strongly encourage you to read it, as it addresses a lot of what you're saying about feeling negative, depressed, panicked, angry, and all the other emotions that are naturally evoked in you from reading this stuff nonstop and feeling like the only thing you can (or should) do is immerse your brain in it at all times. In short, that is absolutely the worst environment to do actual substantial analysis or critical thinking, and it is designed so on purpose.

It has been said before, but it bears repeating: the human brain simply is not designed to be constantly aware of all the atrocities in the world and thus (thanks to social media) feeling as if the only way they can do anything about it is to then post the Correct Opinions on social media (regardless of whether these are informed or relevant or otherwise useful). Especially now, the rush to demonstrate Correct Thinking has warped a lot of otherwise well-meaning young people into becoming eager disinformation mouthpieces. There are a TON of explicitly bad-faith actors and far-right fascists who are posting pro-Palestine content (factual or uh, otherwise) because they know that's an instant way to get an audience of said young left-leaning people who will then be suckered into and exposed to their far more dangerous content and mindset, because that is how radicalization works. Even in the support of an obviously worthy cause, you and everyone else ARE NOT IMMUNE to fearmongering, disinformation, and virulently anti-Semitic propaganda, especially when it's being eagerly and constantly offered in a deliberate attempt to radicalize you further into violence and conspiracy theories, turn you against other vulnerable groups and people, and explicitly disengage you from the electoral/political process, which will harm the Democrats and other liberal establishment parties in favor of more far-right radical fascist theocrats and otherwise make everything, everywhere, many orders of magnitude worse.

I know the feeling that you need to do something, and since you're a long way from the conflict, it seems as if posting on social media is the best and/or the only way to go about it. In that environment, and especially right now, you will make mistakes. I know it is difficult in an online environment where popularity or acceptance by your peers often rests on never being wrong about anything (i.e. saying the same thing everyone else is saying), but it always helps to think about what you're doing, what you're saying, and if you actually need the approval of people who are conditioning you, implicitly or explicitly, into negative and violent ideological nihilism.

The hardest thing to understand is that yes, there is a lot of terrible shit going on in the world; no, you cannot personally fix it and you have to accept that as a limitation; yes, there are many multiple and complex causes and reasons for its existence and there is almost never a black-and-white simplistic moral solution that just hasn't been magically implemented yet; yes, it is always worth it to take the time to inform yourself and consider what you're saying, where it comes from, who it helps and who it hurts, and why you feel the need to say it in the first place. Of course you want to help. Of course you want to stop the needless suffering and death that has gone on in the world for millennia and unfortunately, as long as humans are humans, will continue to do so. But even so, take it away Gandalf:

[thedragonagebigbang]

Bang Creator Interview: Tumblr: @blarrghe  |  [AO3: blarghe

The Collaboration period has begun! In these quiet months before works are due, we want to foster a sense of excitement, camaraderie, and celebration among our participants. To that end, all participants were given the option of a formal interview by our mod, Dema, or an informal “ask-game” survey. We hope you enjoy getting to know our phenomenal creators as much as we have!

Tortured Man More Tortured by Having To Endure the Best Week of His Life

Blarghe and Dema talk art imitating life writing, romantic foils, and the Platonic Ideal Dorianmance 

Dema: I'd love to begin in OC land with you. As someone who is both an artist and a writer, do you find that making art of your OCs informs your process? Or are those pretty separate for you?

Blarghe: Hmm. That's a good question.

Dema: Why, thank you!

Blarghe: My feeling has always been that I'm a better writer than I am an artist, so maybe the writing informs the art, more. I am always getting very visual ideas, like maybe some comic-panel type storyboards in the brain, and I can't really illustrate that to the degree that I want, so it can be like it is in my head. But I can more easily make words do that.

I'd very much like to do some illustrations for my own stuff, and I love drawing my OC and some things have helped in the other way, like designing his vallaslin on paper did give me something better to describe from in writing. I'd really love to reach the point of being able to do a few comics. There are a few scenes I really see that way. I try to be quite visual in my writing in the meantime I guess, haha.

Dema: That makes sense! I have the same dream. Comics are very intimidating. So it sounds like you write your OCs before you draw them?

Blarghe: Yeah, generally. I think since we're going from a video game and I already have seen the characters that way, there's that. Though I have OCs I have not made in the character creator. I haven't invented a ton of non-canon side characters but there are a few. I think I can picture them pretty well. I wind up drawing them after falling in love with them through writing them, rather than like, designing a character visually/on paper/in the cc before putting them in a story. Honestly, I put down DA:I for a looong time while still writing da:i-inspired fic with my OC and other canon characters. So I guess I don't have to look at him that often.

Dema: I have asked several of our writers if they make all their OCs in the CC, and if that's step 1. I'm curious, too, at what point you knew you were going to make fan content of your OC and participate in fandom. Did you finish the game first? Did you come in with a foot already in the fandom?

Blarghe: Ok long answer: I was into the games first. I started playing in maybe 2015, shortly after Inquisition came out. My partner already liked the games and was excited to play it, so I wound up watching some of that and being intrigued. But I started with Origins, loved it, and wound up loving and playing all three, all of them with more than one OC, to varying degrees of completion. When it comes to writing fic, I had ideas, like, little comics and some additional fill-in-the-gaps scenes written into notebooks and stuff for all three games. Mostly expanding on the personal relationships and romances, as you do. I'd done that kind of thing for other media I liked, but never really been in "fandom" about it for anything. I've always done creative writing and original fiction as a hobby and it was just a way of getting back into that on a personal level. I wrote the most after finishing DA:I for the second time... I kind of did a playthrough I wasn't super happy with, then made a new character specifically for a romance (Dorian's) then... wasn't super happy with that character either, THEN made Taren who is my current OC obsession, and wrote like 30K words of canon-divergence fic with a whole other OC companion inserted and just had fun with it. I forgot about that until 2020, when I found it in my docs and re-read it and decided it was actually pretty good and that I could maybe try to post online, find community, etc. I've since completely scrapped and deleted that fic from AO3, but getting out there got me into doing writing prompts and writing other stories, and now here I am. (I still haven't actually finished my Taren playthrough. I will before Veilguard lol) I was definitely motivated by COVID, thought I might go insane without community, so I picked a couple things I was already into (writing and dragon age) and went looking.

Dema: I'm guessing most of the art and writing you've done for DA has been DA:I?

Blarghe: Most, yeah. If only because my long fic is a DA:I inspired modern-au. Honestly it's fairly divorced from canon lol. Most of my canon writing is for DA:O actually. And I'm obsessed with Taren, I've drawn him more than anyone ever. He is very pretty, you see.

Dema: He is very, very pretty. Is DA:O your favorite game in the franchise? Everyone hates this question but I GOTTA KNOW hahaha!

Blarghe: Yeah it is! I love them all for different aspects, but it's got that first-game start of the obsession nostalgia. I also love a finicky, strategy-heavy RPG so to me the usual combat complaints aren't really a thing. I like the pause-every-two-seconds combat hahaha. I do really love running around through the scenery in Inquisition though, and I like the characters, and the fun flashy rogue stabbing too. But I have a soft spot for Origins for really gripping you into that story and world. It's a great balance of silly and funny and dark and difficult choices.

Dema: I haven't asked anyone else this yet, but are you finding the Veilguard announcements and previews are refreshing the inspiration? Or are you avoiding all spoilers and pretending it does not exist until the release? Or some secret, third thing…

Blarghe: Somewhere in between. I've been here the whole time lol, I don't know that it hyped me up any more, but it's nice to finally have news. And I'm excited that it will mean new people in the fandom and a resurgence that way. I am not totally avoiding spoilers but still kinda keeping my distance for my own sanity. I'll definitely lock down the spoiler tags once it's actually out.

Dema: So valid. I am feeling very inspired, myself, but I think it may be more the energy of the fandom around me reaching such a fever pitch. We're like a flock of ducks getting a whole loaf of bread after years of crumbs. 

Blarghe: So true haha. I am really excited about how it looks. Can't wait to play it!

Dema: Same! Returning to Taren a bit because, well, he's pretty: you said you went through a few iterations of OCs for a Dorian romance before him, and then were hooked. What is it about Taren that makes him a favorite? Was there a particular inspiration for him?

Blarghe: Oh boy. Not a specific inspiration. I played DA:I three times, counting the Taren one that I'm not technically finished, and the first I completely missed any romance (thought I could get Harding until it was too late) but I loved Dorian's character and his personal arc hit so hard that I immediately made a new character just for him. He was like a sassy Trevelyan who didn't really wanna be there, trying to pull kind of a rogueish charming sarcastic irresponsible pretty boy to hang with Dorian but I really didn't like how that clicked. I know it's a pretty common character archetype esp in a Dorian romance to do sassy x sassy so no hate but I found the Inquisition storyline and dialogue options just wouldn't let me be that irresponsible and funny, which makes sense. I really liked the themes of how the game pushes you into this impossible role where the only thing you can do is become a big responsible hero figure. I'm sure there's a compelling story there for the kind of character I'm talking about, but since mine fell so flat to me I decided to lean the complete opposite way. And Dorian inspired it too. The more I played and considered it the more I felt like I wanted him to have kind of a counterweight romance, you know. Opposites attract kind of thing. So Taren started as this very responsible, serious character who has always been prepared for leadership, being a First, and takes all that really seriously. He's also very Dalish and has reason to distrust and argue with him, which is great for Drama, but very very sweet and genuine and wholesome, which is so fun to contrast with all Dorian's trust issues. Dorian's quite emotional and idealistic, really, so they match in that way and it's very romantic. Taren's also a bit aspirational. Part of why I like Dorian so much is that I relate to him a lot, and I was struggling with trying to become less arrogant and more genuine, so Taren embodies a lot of that for me. Part of what makes him my favourite is probably the blank-slate of it all, too. Not having the Origin and getting to make stuff up. The whole romance plot is really compelling. I stuck him in some AUs and got carried away by worldbuilding, too. And after so much time spent with him he's just the fave now. But yeah, he's not my usual archetype. I think I've made a lot more sarcastic rogues than genuine sweethearts. He has like, anxiety and trust issues and I keep throwing him in situations to give him Trauma, but that sort of, happy, sweet, genuine, and healer-class character was all new ground to me and I wound up just loving the different-ness and challenge of it.

Dema: I did want to tell you that your "This is a story about trauma and relationships and socioeconomics and questioning belief and searching for balance. It's also about finding your soulmate on grindr" summary absolutely sent me.

Blarghe: Thank you, I'm very proud of that.

Dema: Speaking of which, can you come up with a clickbait title for your bang fic?

Blarghe: Something like Tortured Man More Tortured by Having To Endure the Best Week of His Life [[REDACTED]] you can cut that last part because it does make it obvious.

Dema: A+. Thank you for the lovely interview, it's been a treat chatting!

Blarghe: Thanks! It was very fun.

[uhhhreaperalt]

Reaper Collective Intro!

⚰︎We're BODILY 18! We're a Fictive heavy, Traumagenic DID system of 200+ [medically recognized!!] and uhh yeah!

We're also schizophrenic + AUDHD

english is NOOTT our first language so pardon if there's any misspellings or any of that.

⚰︎ Current hosts and frequent fronters

Keith/Cameron/BF [Co-host#2 ] Michael/BB [Co-host #1]

The intro's of these two will be color coded to the colors above!

Michael/BB

I'm a 25 y/o Trans masc.

I also happen to be aro/ace.

I'm a punk guy.

I do my best! I don't rlly know what to put here lMAO

I love family; it's what's closest to me, personally. I'm also a gatekeeper + an anger holder, but I end up making sure nobody does anything stupid /lh

That's bout it, got any questions for me; please ask!

Keith/Cameron/BF

HII :777

I'm Keith or Cam but call me whatever !!! , I tend to sign of with /kei or /BF! maybe xxbeef if im too lazy to color the text so if you see that, it's me!!

I'm 19; and I'm a Genderfluid pansexual [I'm also poly, got so much love to give </3}, though I prefer masculine pronouns!

BB IS my big brother, so only I get to bully him /j

I do have two partners in sys! Our Pico, and Our Girlfriend! I do not shut up about them but! And I will permanently be fucking up our likes and Spotify wrapped forever until I die /j

I'm also a soother + caregiver !! I do my best but I'm kind of "jumpy" if that's the right word!

Frequent fronters [more to be added]:

Billy/Yourself

22 - transmasc

Pansexual + demi

Prefers he/they but doesn't really mind any as long as they're not feminine

#1 in sys for actually getting shit done [gold star for him]

Protector+ Symptom/Trauma Holder + Regressor [adding that because he's regressed like once.]

also freakishly tall but lit one of our sweetest people. though he tends to speak very formally!! Just an FYI <3

AMA! <3 more intros to come! If you need / want to dm us, PLEASE ask for our disc we're NEVER on our tumblr mssgs and often forget tumblr is a thing. also, if you need to reach us here; @ us at here, or @zerooup! this is our main as of rn though!! or if its super urgent pls send us an ask... we're a bit not smart when it comes to tumblr.

Discord is @/zerooup. ! please ask before adding me so i know to expect reqs!! we love interacting with people but sometimes i explode mentally and forget what im doing </3 promise we're not ignoring anyone!!

Feel free to tag us in stuff if you'd like!

TAGS.

xxrc yaps - usual ramblings and yapping

xxrc vents - vents

xxbeef - from cam/keith

xxMichael - from michael

xxBilly. - From billy

xxrc announcements - updates and otherrr important stuff main blog @reapercollective ! as i want to keep my main and @zerooup seperate

[deadeyedaisy]

Tales of Destiny ~PROUST~ Forgotten Chronicle rough summary

I wasn't sure where else to post this, and Tumblr seemed like the one that would get the most use out of it.

So, I streamed my blind run through TODDC with Kio for the past several months. I ended up getting really into TOD from how much cleaner the presentation of the story and characters were over the PSX version, and was really frustrated that nobody had translated the drama CD, which had been hiding like 95% of Leon's characterization until the remake came along.

I kept a notepad of stuff to talk about during those streams. Sometimes it was off-topic things, sometimes it was little tangents about parts of the game that I thought of over the week until we'd play again. Sometimes it was summaries of supplemental material that was never localized. But most of the time, that material was translated by a fan.

Nobody has fully translated Proust. I wanted it to be translated. So I listened to it as hard as I could and summarized as best I could. The following are the unedited notes as I wrote them to be read during stream, rather than a direct translation or anything formal. I'm not good enough at Japanese to fully translate it. I'm so not good at Japanese that there's probably a lot of errors throughout this summary, too. I hope someone eventually comes along and gives us a full translation.

Also note that I'm not great at recognizing the voices of anyone that isn't the main cast of protagonists, so I probably mix up the antagonists or the generals' identities a lot.

--------------------------

So I went back through the drama cd, and I think I've got a few more little details. I could be wrong about a lot of this since there's no translation and I am really fucking bad at Japanese. But this should actually clear up a lot of misconceptions that we, or I had throughout this entire game. Foolish me for just believing everything TVTropes told me instead of trying to comb the drama cd myself.

(track 1-01 Thunder + track 1-03 Lullaby) Chris tried to escape with both children, but Hugo sent the goon squad after her?? and they managed to take Leon and mortally wound Chris. She drags herself back to the mansion to see Leon again and asks him not to hate Hugo, because this certainly isn't the same kind person she married. [I previously summarized it based on this post, which does a much better job of summarizing track 1-03: https://jeredu.tumblr.com/post/136918641610/so-after-the-horrible-sad-feels-from-the-emilio]

(track 1-02 History That Was Forgotten is just Leon saying the title of the CD)

(track 1-04 Yes, My Lady) Less than 2 years before the game starts. The girls in Leon's class aren't very good at dance lessons yet, so he complains to Marian that all the girls are stupid-- oh but not you Marian, it's only other girls that are dumb. lol I can't catch why Leon's mad at Hugo this time, but Marian sticks up for Hugo, since he's the one who pretty much discovered how useful Lens could be to further technology and make modern life easier, and has for the most part made it all affordable. She's also grateful that he hired her when she had nothing. Marian wants Leon to make friends with the girls because she's worried he'll be all alone. Leon says he's fine alone and that he'll only grow stronger, and to distract Marian, decides to teach her the dance he learned, calling her "my lady". At the end, he says he'll be fine as long as he has Marian. Hugo walks in on them and Leon quickly makes an excuse but Hugo just puts him down for hanging with the staff and tells him to get to sword practice. Leon seems excited for it. Leon whispers to Marian that they'll practice dancing again. Marian says she's looking forward to it, but when he leaves, she sadly mumbles that he's a pitiful child. (Not in a mean way)

(track 1-05 True) [Oops I didn't cover this one. It's just villainy anyway. Who listens to Proust to hear Mictlan-Hugo monologue?]

(track 1-06 Man of the Mask) I forgot about this detail and its MASSIVE importance. In the original, Leon and Hugo's relation wasn't known for a long time. In the remake, their relation is paraded around loudly. Hugo will not let anyone forget that Leon is his son, and Leon's motivation is to not be a nepo baby. But in the original, specifically in the drama CD, Hugo doesn't want their relation known. He doesn't want Leon around while he's doing business because it might reveal their relation. He reprimands him for coming home while he's doing business and tells him not to come home so often. Leon was actually excited to let him know of one of his missions' successes, on his 15th birthday no less. Chaltier tries to comfort Leon when he's basically told to gtfo, but Leon tells him he's not sad at all, and that he just wants to be acknowledged by someone as skilled as Hugo. His cadence is fairly fond as he says all this, but he's awfully insistent about it. Like thou-doth-protest-too-much insistent. Leon thinks he saw a masked man, but Chaltier says he doesn't sense anyone. They go on their way, but a filtered voice of Hugo calls Leon's name.

(track 1-07 Emilio) The following track makes it more clear that yes, he was actually very fucking upset about it. I already talked about this track since it was one of the only 2 tracks that were fully translated by someone else. Where Marian has a little private birthday party for him and he breaks down. With the added context of the previous track, the breakdown makes a bit more sense. He's just been told and brushed off again by Hugo even after so many smashing successes. Took it upon himself to put up a strong front in front of Chaltier. Then Marian does this gesture of kindness that I guess makes him feel like he's being treated like a child or mocked, and that's the last straw. Marian is of course calling him Emilio, and he refuses that name because Emilio is worthless, nobody needs Emilio, and he's all alone. He insists he's Leon Magnus, because he's at least useful as a tool for Hugo. Marian doesn't like him calling himself a tool. Says he's her precious Emilio. And Leon cries. [Previously summarized based on this post, which actually has a full translation!: https://jeredu.tumblr.com/post/136880537875/jeredu-spoilers-for-tales-of-destiny-for]

(track 1-08 Family) Next track takes place a year later and has Leon being the wunderkind beating everybody and being taken under Finley's wing. They've all got praise for him but are a little put off by him being so uptight. Late at night, Leon sneaks into Marian's room through her window because of the lecture he got about COMING HOME TOO OFTEN jfc. He's excited to tell Marian about officially working with the knights, and asks to dance with her. I think I skipped a bit. Leon only started trying to become a knight because Hugo told him to, so that he'd have a pawn within the castle to help further Oberon's goals. I think he moved out of the mansion after the last track to dedicate himself more fully to cementing his position there?? I'm probably wrong. But he's been a lot happier this way. Later that night, Chaltier tries to suggest that Leon just continues living like this and become a full fledged and honest knight instead of working for Hugo, because all of the generals seem to like him and are nice people. Buuuut Leon's already fallen asleep. Boo

(track 1-09 Nightmare) Next track has Leon and Finley talking and they think Greybaum's sus. They meet with Greybaum and Chal also thinks he's sus. That night, Leon has a nightmare where a man is telling him he can save Rutee. Except Leon doesn't know who Rutee is yet, or her name. The man is wearing a mask like the one from the mansion. It seems to be the real Hugo. He attacks Leon when he knocks his mask off I think?? and I guess Leon wakes up and is back at the mansion temporarily? I have no idea what's going on here but Hugo's not doing great and Leon rushes to his aid but Hugo basically tells him to gtfo his house again. I think real Hugo is fighting Mictlan, because Leon says something about Berserius. Belserius. Berselius. Fuck it. Scene change and Leon's at a tavern or something. The waitress fawns a bit, showing his good reputation has spread. Leon thinks about the nightmare and what the heck a Rutee is. Then he overhears some guy talking about a demonic lens hunter dude and the waitress is like oh nah you mean that girl Rutee? and Leon all but trips over himself to go aggressively interrogate the waitress. The guy she was talking to gets mad and tries to attack Leon and a fight starts. Finley shows up and slaps Leon and reprimands him and I think threatens him?? But Leon got the information he wanted out of the waitress.

(track 2-01 Masquerade) Next track. The villains talk stealing the Eye of Atamoni. A masquerade ball is held in Seinegald. Leon's all ready to be big bad security but Finley says he should blend in and dance. But he ain't got no fancy clothes! So Finley arranges to get him some fancy clothes. He's about to arrange for a partner too but Leon's like nah I got a girl for this and yoinks Marian up. She's worried she's not allowed to attend such a party, but Leon assures her she's part of the mission so it's fine. She tries to make excuses to not go but he shoots them all down. He sounds like he's having just oodles of fun on the carriage ride with her to the ball. He's laughing and smiling and it's just great. This moment is probably literally the happiest Leon will ever be in his entire life lol He… sneaks her in through the BACK DOOR and gets stopped by guards who ask who dis. And he says, "my partner" and they say they can't let randos in and he says NO SHE'S MY PARTNER and they say :/ that's not good enough bro, come on, and Marian takes his arm all suggestive like and says "What part of partner don't you understand ;)" and they let them in??? okay But Marian hasn't received her dress yet, so Leon's waiting for her to get dressed. And Chal teases him a bunch implying Leon's nervous to see her in her fancy dress. Leon tells him to shut up but Chal notes he's blushing really hard. But, Leon suddenly sees the masked man again, and this time Chal sees him too. Leon attacks but he disappears. He hears the voice and he's big mad 'cause he thinks he's being jerked around so he shouts a lot. Marian hears him shouting and rushes to him and real-Hugo goes whoops sorry about that I guess lmao and goes away. The ball gets into full swing and allll the girls are wowed by how pretty Leon's partner is. Marian says she feels awkward and Leon tells her she's beautiful, but she still doesn't think she should have come. He asks her to dance, she tries to make excuses not to, but he keeps asking, calling her "Lady" again like when they danced alone ;A; aaaa So they dance, and Leon is just so entranced and whispers that he wants to go far far away together to a place with only them, that's quiet and warm. He says something like he lost such a promised place inside of him a long time ago, but feels that it's also right there with her, and he's about to say something that MIGHT have been a confession, but they're interrupted by an attack and are separated. SO YEAH I'D SAY HIS FEELINGS FOR HER ARE PRETTY ROMANTIC. HOLY SHIT. I felt like I was listening to one of those listener-POV CDs where they do nothing but sweet-talk you, gosh. Whether his feelings are actually romantic or not, he's still just entirely fucking smitten with her. oh my god.

(track 2-02 Venomous Snake) Next track, I have no idea what's going on because I'm not familiar enough with all the villains' voices, but it's villain stuff. I think it's Greybaum mostly, and they're messing with King Isaac, the Phandaria King. And Greybaum is evil monologuing but Leon was hiding in the room and ambushes him. Hugo shows up before Leon can do any damage and something happens or is talked about, idk, villains get away. Leon's like what the fuck, dad, they tried to kill the king. Hugo says Isaac's spent too long in office and ain't doin his job right no more. So it's fiiine just let it go, besides, Graybaum's gonna be a useful tool. And the word "tool" sets Leon off 'cause it's always about tools with Hugo, and Hugo goes YEAH, A TOOL, A TOOL JUST LIKE YOU. I'VE BUILT HIM UP AND I'M TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HIM, JUST LIKE I DID TO YOUUUU. And he demands Leon apologize but Leon says no, he's done being Hugo's puppet, he's going to live for himself, he's not going to accept this shitty fate anymore, he's going to carve his own path and make a place for himself in Seinegald. And Hugo goes "Ohoho what silly thoughts Finley's put in your head. Sure, you could do all that, you could escape me no problem, you're good enough for it, but I wonder how Marian is doing~ Sure hope she's okay after getting separated from you. It's just such a scary world out there, you never know when or where such a fragile little thing like her could get got." So basically the ongoing threat on Marian's life has begun. It's not explicitly stated, but obviously the implication is that Leon could leave and take Marian with him, but Hugo will get to her one way or another. Then it's just 20 full seconds of Leon desperately calling and looking for Marian.

(track 2-03 Requiem) Next track, he finds Marian and clings to her and sobs in relief that she's okay. She says yeah it's okay I'm fine, but Leon just cries harder. Later after he's calmed down, he brings up that far away warm place he spoke about. He wonders where that could even be anymore. Probably somewhere further than the moon. He wonders if he can go there. Then it's very suddenly Finley's funeral. People are crying. The priest is praying. People are swearing vengeance. Hugo, Chaltier, and Finley's voice echo in Leon's head. Hugo coercing Leon into poisoning Finley. Chaltier asking him not to do it. Finley telling Leon they're alike in that they both lost their parents at birth. That he'd like for Leon to think of him as his father, because he thinks of Leon as his son, I think. Hugo reminding him where his place is, and that that's never going to change. Finley succumbing to the poison, in disbelief that it was Leon, and desperately asking why. Leon's sure he's never going to get to that place. Hugo and friends do some villain talk and make some snide remarks at Leon, and he just says it's fine. He's defeated at this point.

(track 2-04 Rutee) Next track has Leon on his way to Cresta to look for whoever Rutee is. Chaltier recognizes the name a little but doesn't remember. Rutee runs into him and runs away, but Chaltier recognizes Atwight on her back right away and they give chase. Rutee's giving gifts to the kids at the orphanage, is asked how she made the money for this and she's like "eehh I worked really hard :D" Chal finally remembers Rutee was the name Chris spoke of before she died and he's super excited that Leon's not all alone, that he still has his sister. But Leon just runs away. Chal's like what the fuck, where are you going, and Leon says it's been 15 years, so it doesn't matter, they're not family. Chal keeps trying to get him to go back to Rutee, insisting she must have been looking for her family for a long time, and that he should reach out to her. Leon admits that he's scared that Rutee won't accept him. Chal tells him that's stupid. Leon admits he's scared of Rutee also betraying him like Hugo did, and cries that he's truly all alone. The track ends.

(track 2-05 Flow of Fate) Next track, it's revealed Greybaum's theft of the Eye of Atamoni was actually not in the plan. He did that on his own and betrayed them. They plan for Leon to lead the investigation and gather the swordian users. Leon asks if Hugo knows who wields Atwight, and Hugo, like a fox, says mmmyessss. During Leon's first real meeting with Rutee, while she goes off on him, he's thinking to himself that he wishes he met her sooner, but he's too dirtied to face her for real by now. Chaltier insists to him that it's not too late, but Leon refuses. A bunch of scenes of Leon traveling with Stahn's group pass. Leon thinks about how Rutee has good friends and a home and family to return to, and feels even worse that he can't be happy for her. He hates himself for it, but he can't help it. Chaltier tells him he could become a part of her family. Leon says it'd be nice, since he's being shown such a warm place, but he can't escape his fate. More scenes pass, and Leon is moved by Stahn's resolve. He thinks maybe he was wrong about fate, because everyone is fighting. More scenes pass, and Leon is even moved by Batista and Greybaum, because they went against Hugo. Even if they couldn't win against their fates, they still tried. He's confused and doesn't know what to do, but Chaltier doesn't have answers for him. The only thing he knows he can do is protect Marian. The only reason he has to keep living is Marian.

It continues in the mines. Hugo and friends say they need to buy time to escape Stahn's group. He tells Leon to stall them as long as possible, and then detonate an explosive. Tells him exactly what will happen, down to the sea water flooding in. So Leon absolutely knows he's going to die if he agrees to do this. Leon asks to be alone with Marian, as his first and final request as Hugo's son. Marian observes that Leon doesn't want to go through with this. Leon says it's fine, he'll just do what he's told. He asks why Marian is here, why she's still a maid for Hugo. Marian answers it's because Hugo was trying to save the world, or whatever. She owes him a lot. So she'll do whatever she's told, too. Leon asks what'll happen if he dies. Marian says she'll probably never stop crying. Leon asks how much, for how long, because it's not possible to cry for him for her whole life. Says she'll probably cry for a bit, but eventually she'll meet someone he doesn't know, fall in love, get married, and have children, and she'll forget all about him, and then he'll truly be gone and not exist anymore. He'll disappear. Leon cries, really hard. He pulls himself together, apologizes, says she should go. She goes, but she calls after him that it was fun. That being with him was like a dream. He says quietly to himself that, yeah, it was like a dream to him, too. (The wording is different from the opening song! Important to note because the remake did a full on title drop in its climax. The opening song is 「夢であるように」, but the wording here is 「夢みたい」. But it's still probably a 100% intentional reference to the opening song.) [I cut off here because I previously summarized these two posts about the end of this track, which is an exchange with Chaltier: https://jeredu.tumblr.com/post/136997902840/i-dunno-if-its-possible-to-fall-in-love-with-a https://jeredu.tumblr.com/post/137057162215/checked-with-a-friend-who-knows-more-japanese-and]

[I yada-yada'd track 2-06 Father, Friend because I already summarized it previously based on this post: https://jeredu.tumblr.com/post/143045097730/i-finally-typed-up-a-summary-of-father-friend]

(track 2-07 -Epilogue- Yes, My Lady) In the final track, Rutee is visiting Marian. She asks Marian to live with her. Marian declines, saying she has to keep Emilio's room clean for him for when he comes back. Rutee says he's already gone, but Marian interrupts and asks Rutee to dance. She teaches her how to dance. She calls Rutee "My lady" like Leon did with her.

-----------------------------

May I just say, if Leon retained his character from the drama CD in the remake, he absolutely would have broken down crying after Stahn convinced him they could work together to save Marian. And maybe hugged him or held his outstretched hand with both of his. While crying. Drama CD Leon is a huge crybaby and I'm so here for him. I was disappointed he didn't get to cry through the remake.

And also that hot damn, Hikaru Midorikawa was allowed to emote SO MUCH MORE in the drama CD than in the entirety of the remake, not even counting all the crying he does.

[cuntyyellowpikmin]

Wassup.

It's me, Cunty Yellow Pikmin, Cunty for short, CYP if ya don't wanna say the word "cunty," or Cleo "Cunty" Cassidy Cordatum de Yellow Pikmin if ya wanna get reallyyyyy formal.

My pronouns are she/her.

I'm a former member of r/Pikmin's Discord Server "The Zoo," so if you've seen me before then it was probably there. (ask me stuff or DM me!) Unfortunately, I don't have Discord anymore. That's why I made a Tumblr account so I can still talk to the Pikmin fandom.

I speak English and Spanish (Español) fluently. I'm learning Chinese （中文：普通话��(more proficiency) and Japanese（日本語）(less proficiency) as well.

A little about me, I guess. I was born with a Dandori Issue (ADHD) that may end up staying with me for the rest of my life, so if I don't keep my stuff updated then that's probably why, or I'm hyperfocusing on studying cuz I managed to romanticize it for a day and then everything goes back to normal. I draw, paint (a little), produce music, write, crochet, sew, and I'm learning 3D modeling, animation, and a bunch of other things. Call me a jack-of-all-trades, if you will.

UPDATE: I am now, in fact, associated with the original creator (@beansisbugs) of the Cunty Yellow Pikmin meme. We’re moots now!!

Discriminatory people get off my turf, y'all haters ain't allowed on my block. So get yo racism, sexism, homophobia, and whatever else you got there outta my sight, cuz this is no place for hate. If you think otherwise, I'll draw you pregnant, send you to the torture room and then let you pick your execution, or I'll simply just block you. Depends on how I feel. Extremists aren't allowed here either. I'm a feminist, but Radfem is technically another word for misandry and transphobia, so I won't allow it. The goal of feminism is for women to be treated equally to men, not more than them.

PEDOPHILES, ZOOPHILES, NECROPHILES, PROSHIPPERS, AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT IS SIMILAR OR FALLS INTO THIS CATEGORY OF WEIRD CREEPY PEOPLE SHOULD ALSO STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!!

I dare you to check my AO3 it's absolutely horrendous that y'all wouldn't wanna go there. Literally just a Pikmin AU that doesn't even have it's first chapter out yet (as of 11/3/2024) so until I manage to refine the first chapter I'll just let y'all wait I guess. Also I don't know if the Pikmin community would even like whatever the hell I'm cooking. I just gotta find out...

If i already posted any art here, I won't be posting much from now on. Only wips or drawings I don't really care about will be thrown here. The reason why is because of Tumblr's AI takeover and I don't trust the opt-out option in settings. The only place I'm putting my finished art in is Cara or AO3.

Oh yeah I wanna make YouTube videos of Pikmin creations and whatnot, so maybe y'all would wanna watch them?

Okay I talked long enough. Remember guys, Gaslight Gatekeep, Girlboss.

[blamemma]

what you said about maxiel fanfics with endgame lest4ppen, yes, I agree. someone mentioned this before, but maxiel is slowly dying on ao3 while it seems to be thriving more and more on tumblr.

for me it's 50/50 because I don't mind where I'm reading, but here we have more one-shots and pieces of WIPs (which is good because it means authors don't feel the pressure to turn everything into a 50k story, so they can just post their ideas even if it's incomplete), but I personally LOVE longer stories, so I would love to read more and more about every single one of them.

and personally I just don't like lest4ppen at all. I understand the need to tag maxiel because daniel is the bad guy and the "shitty boyfriend" or whatever, but I just don't like seeing those stories 😬

will always preface asks like this by saying people can like what they like and find joy in whatever, i ain't gunna turn my nose up at anyone or anything, lestappen just doesn't make sense to meeee personally, but honestly whatever butters ur bread!!!

as someone who has dabbled here and there in this writing lark, for me there is a distinct difference in ao3 posting and tumblr posting....ao3 to me is formal, ur presenting something perfect, a fully-fledged story, a beginning a middle and an end (not in all cases but i just mean in general). most stuff i read on ao3 is fully-fledged nuanced ideas that the author has obviously spent hours of time crafting and experimenting with.

tumblr fic is inherently fun and blase and easier to throw out there into the ether and forget about really. tumblr fic doesn't need to follow grammatical rules or structure etc etc....it can just be a fun prompt game response or a quick lil fic that you had fun writing and wanna share with ur people?? both have purposes and both are enjoyable to write imo, just depends on what ur feeling and how much u want to expand on said idea??

when it comes to the maxiel of it all....idk how rude or pointed i can get here without getting into shit....so i'll try and word this gently....you have to keep the eco-system alive....i think comments and kudos are GREAT but honestly, if someone reblogs my fic with a fun few tags, i love that more, because in a selfish way, i might get 1 or 2 more readers from that because its going out to an even wider audience?? but its more than that!! engage with ur writers, message them on here and shout at them about their ideas, send them prompts, recommend their fic to ur friends...but i will stand by i think one of the best things you can do, if they make a fun lil post or graphic for their fic...reblog it...ur not only spreading the maxiel gospel, but ur also supporting that writer?? too many times on here i see people's fic graphics flop yet big blogs are leaving them comments on ao3 and look, EACH TO THEIR OWN and also i can sometimes be a bad reblogger dont get me wrong, but LIKE, there are some wildly talented authors on here who just need to be pushed into the limelight a little bit more??? idk if im wording this correctly, but sometimes there are fics that fall through the cracks because no one engages with them, and if ur an author who has put blood sweat and tears into that fic, ur not exactly going to be motivated to post another maxiel fic if u dont think ur going to get engagement from it (again, fic writing isn't necessarily about engagement or response, but let me tell u when i get a fun little comment or someone messages me about a fic i published, it inspires me to write more????)

maxiel is definitely alive and kicking, i follow some stunningly good maxiel authors, but at the same time, its about pushing forward those smaller writers as well and not thinking ur too cool for them???????????????

and so with that, this flufftober, kinktober, spooktober or whatever tober u are a part of, reblog the fic, talk about the fic and enjoy the fic

[fizziepopangel]

A Fizziepop Take: Let's talk about when they saw each other and Stolas’ new look at himself

I have so many fucking feelings about this new episode, so let’ts get into it right now before I explode!!! Because... Oh. My. God.

Warning, potential spoilers ahead!

The duet in the beginning had me screaming. The music was amazing and so much was said within this 2 minute 40 second musical snippet of the show. First of all, the fact that this is the first Stolitz duet we’ve gotten in the series is absolutely amazing because there’s usually so much emotion in the undertones of the Helluva Boss songs, and this one is no different. “When I See Him” definitely is one of the best songs we’ve gotten in the show so far, and I loved seeing the difference in Blitz and Stolas as they prepare to see each other again since it seems as though this is the first time our impish little lovebirds have really seen each other for quite some time. There’s nerves on both ends… But while both men are worried that the other getting tired of each other since they view themselves as unloveable, we see two very different methods of handling the anxiety that is surrounding their usual full moon meeting. Stolas, in his usual dramatic fashion ends up hiding in the fridge at one point as he wrestles with the weight of what he plans to do, while Blitz does what he does best and tries to ignore the heaviness of the situation that he knows will be there by essentially saying that if he focuses on the sex stuff enough, everything else will just fade into the background for the time being.

Now, sometime around the first time I started falling down the tumblr rabbit hole as a writer, I responded to a post about how toxic the Stolitz relationship is, because no matter how you spin it, Stolitz is pretty freaking toxic as they were before the most recent episode. As the person I responded to all that time ago pointed out, this contractual agreement they have revolving around the full moon is an abuse of power on Stolas’ part…. And , I believe, emotional manipulation on Blitz’s part. The full moon agreement binds the two men, but somewhere along the line, both men actually developed feelings for one another and the full moon agreement was, in a way, a formality that made it less taboo to be together since Blitz is a lower class demon in comparison to the Goetia prince, and it gave both men something to blame in the event that one of them didn’t want the other. While the entire thing was fucked and toxic and hauntingly unhealthy for the both of them, the agreement did benefit both Stolas and Blitz….  But, as I’ve mentioned in other posts, the events of Ozzie’s was a real turning point for the couple

Their date at Ozzie’s really changed everything because when the two are alone together, Blitz tends to feel more in control of things and he feels genuinely desirable and needed in a way… But after seeing the owl prince actually hide his face in embarrassment when attention is drawn to him being with the imp, that illusion of being on a somewhat even playing field in all of this shatters abruptly. In the same token, Stolas never realized just how badly their agreement affected the imp until he attempted to salvage the night at the end by inviting Blitz over to spend time with him only to have Blitz tell him that he wasn’t in the mood to have sex that night and he knows that that’s all Stolas really keeps him around for. Seeing Blitz in pain that way hurt Stolas in a way that he wasn’t prepared for because he knows what it’s like to feel as unloveable as Blitz seemed to feel in that moment, prompting him to try to give Blitz his freedom back in the hopes of starting a genuine relationship.

This brings us to Stolas’s gift to Blitz: an asmodian crystal.

We see Blitz putting forth a genuine effort with Stolas in a few scenes, leading Stolas to believe that Blitz would genuinely choose to be with him even if he broke the tether of IMP needing him in order to access the human world. And we as an audience see the glimpses of Blitz caring for the prince and even being excited to see him in the beginning of “Full Moon”, but Blitz doesn’t take well to change and I think he values the comfortability and structure of the routine that they’ve built in a way…. Stolas on the other hand is starting to realize the wrong in what he’s been doing to the other man and his already fractured self image is going from “I don’t really like myself” to “I’m a straight up monster”, and I think this way of thinking is going to stick after hearing Blitz break and snap at him about how everyone tends to treat imps like him (and himself) like they don’t matter in any sense, meaning he inadvertently admits that Stolas has made him feel that in some sense within their time together. After being in a loveless marriage with an abusive partner (I use this term very loosely for Stella), I think Stolas felt as though he sank down to her level with Blitz… Although Blitz says that in the heat of the moment as his volcano of unfelt feelings erupts, and he does try to apologize, I don’t think Stolas will forgive himself for that for a long time, and I don’t think that he’s going to stop seeing himself as a monster for even longer.

After “Full Moon”, I am a little worried for Stolitz… But if I’m honest, Stolas and Blitz actually remind me of Ian and Mickey from Shameless. I think Blitz and Stolas are destined to be endgame the same way I always felt Mickey and Ian were. I also think that with both men having time apart after this breakdown, they’ll have an easier time healing from the trauma that the full moon agreement has put them both through… At least I hope that’ll be the case, cause ya know, this is just a humble Fizziepop Take.

[hismercytomyjustice]

Pinned intro post!

Hi! Welcome to my tumblr!

If you’re only following me/checking in for my BG3 AO3 sneak peeks, please search my tags for “sneak peek” for the sake of your own sanity. I’ll be posting them on Tuesdays. If my tags are being difficult, please try this link instead.

More personal/introductory info below the cut!

If you’re thinking about following me, I should warn you I post and reblog A LOT. I also treat my tumblr like a journal, so I have a lot of personal posts, usually under cuts.

I’m nonbinary (they/them), demisexual, and bisexual/pansexual (I use the terms interchangeably because pansexuality was wildly misunderstood when I was younger). Also very recently realized I’m demiromantic! I post/reblog a lot about all of the above.

I’m in my 30s (ancient for the internet, I know) and only recently started getting back into Tumblr after a 10 year absence.

I also talk A LOT about mental health/illness on here. I have OCD and ADHD, so trigger warnings for all that mess. I try to tag these posts accordingly and also tend to put them under cuts.

Writing stuff out (especially in regard to my OCD) helps me process and better understand it. It also feels less stressful and easier for me to do it on here spur of the moment instead of massively overthinking it and trying to force myself to use a more formal outlet. Most importantly, it helps me destigmatize it a bit in my own head.

Those kinds of posts are purely for my own benefit, but if you decide to read any of them and want to comment or something, feel free! I know this is a public space and I don’t post stuff I’m not comfortable with someone else potentially seeing.

Fun fact! My username is a quote from my favorite book of all time, The King of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner.

If you’re curious, full quote is:

“Yet you prefer his mercy to my justice.” She meant the king. She knew where the message had come from.

If you’ve decided to stick around anyway, feel free to yell about my favorite things with me! I LOVE yelling about my favorite things!

[rivetgoth]

hey char! out of curiosity, how did you and angel get together? and whats one of your favorite things about her? :)

We met right here on Tumblr through this interaction :D

She followed me and I hadn’t followed back at the time (I really rarely check new followers) but after she sent this ask and I answered it I followed her back. After that we started interacting with each other in the comments of our posts and stuff, then we got each other on different social media, and after a couple of months she reached out on Instagram to tell me that she actually lived close by and inviting me to come hang out with her. We hit it off immediately and spent like hours and hours and hours talking, we kept driving from place to place around the city finding more things to do, we went to a record store, a little alternative store, we got food, we got coffee, and from there we started talking to either through text or on the phone literally every day. We’d spend HOURS on the phone together back then, like sometimes 8-9+ hours, just sitting there talking.

Like I love this screenshot, of us awake at 5:40 AM on the phone for 8 hours talking about Paul Barker 😭

We also would meet up pretty frequently in person too of course. Like one time that she stayed over the night before Record Store Day and instead of sleeping we stayed up the literal entire night into the next day talking about Nivek Ogre and Al Jourgensen. And then we moved in together before we were a couple about six months later. We were both looking to move anyway so the timing just worked out and we could kinda “test run” things since I was in a dorm room at the time that was much larger than it needed to be because my school didn’t know how to provide gender inclusive housing for transitioning individuals LMAO. We cohabitated really well and living together only made us grow closer. FWIW I was attracted to her right away, I remember the first moment I fully processed what she looked like was when she first messaged me asking if I wanted to hang out and I looked through her selfies so I’d be able to recognize her when we met and could not believe she really looked like that. I was like lol no way is this person this hot and asking to hangout 😳

Anyway. A little while after moving in together I think there was a lot of tension forming between us because she was (spoilers) attracted to me as well. So we started hooking up before we actually started calling ourselves a couple. The funny thing is neither of us really remember the exact moment we started formally considering ourselves a couple. We never had a big “what are we” convo where we put a solid label to things. We had a few conversations about how we hardly knew how to describe our dynamic because girlfriend / boyfriend felt almost juvenile for the level we were at, already living together and sharing finances and then also hooking up, but we started actually verbalizing stuff we were doing as dates, we’d been saying I love you etc for ages already, we started sharing a bed every night, and at some point us being in a relationship was just our reality. 🤷‍♂️

I love her so much. I feel like the luckiest man in the whole world getting to be with her and spend my life with her. Genuinely cannot believe she is so cool, smart and articulate, stylish, thoughtful, funny, with such good taste in music and everything else, and that she is my baby. It’s still so surreal. As for a FAVORITE thing, it’s so hard to pick just one obviously lol, but I think one of the things I appreciate about her more than anything and that I never ever want to take for granted is the way she’s always striving to learn and grow and form a fully consistent and logical and articulate worldview and ethical / philosophical system, like she’s always thinking about new things, reading new works, investigating the world around her, engaging with complicated subject matter, sharing her insights with me, trying to genuinely form a cohesive system for how to make the world a better place, and that’s inspired and driven me so much to do the same. She’s genuinely one of the smartest people you will ever talk to. I never get bored of our conversations and I learn so much from her all the time.

[apoptoses]

💖 What made you start writing? 🧠 Marius ! And/or Pandora.

💖 What made you start writing?

wow wow make me embarrass myself right out of the gate here lmao

honestly the answer is YOU, and @hekateinhell and @rainbowcarousels. like i inhaled all you guys's fic last fall and read your meta and stuff here on tumblr and it just looked like you were all having so much fun and being creative? and then i thought maybe if i tried writing and liked it, other people would talk to me about armand and i could make VC friends. and look at us now!!

and i've always been a maladaptive daydreamer, whenever i get a new blorbo i end up playing out scenes about them in my head so i thought maybe writing would be a good outlet for those thoughts. and then instead of being a weirdo who stares into space thinking about armand getting fucked dumb i would be ~plotting~ and my adhd symptom would become something productive lmao

i wish i had some deeper, more inspirational reason but 'i wanna make friends and put my weirdo thoughts to good use' is really all there is to it.

🧠 Marius ! And/or Pandora.

okay okay marius head canons, let's go:

cat guy. like cats were highly respected in ancient rome and as a guy who likes to own fine things, he would not have been down to have pests in the house. so he's always been the type to sit out food for local strays and have a favorite or two he lets wander his home. i like to imagine him giving some philosophical monologue to pandora about how vampires are similar to cats, they're both instinctual killers and pandora being like 'are you really trying to mansplain cats to me in order to justify to yourself how much you enjoy petting the stray that lives in your garden?'

i see him being a really thoughtful gift giver. he has such a hard time expressing remorse and admitting he did something wrong, so he became great at picking out presents to compensate. and besides he just has great taste. definitely the guy everyone in auvergne wants to pull their name the year lestat insists on playing the mortal game of 'secret santa'.

i feel like it would be easy to assume he hates modern art because he's such a classicist. and maybe he did at first, he didn't get the purpose of painting with such a seeming 'lack' of technique until he stood in front of a rothko himself. and with his vampire vision he saw all the subtle variations in red that covered the canvas and he got it, he was deeply moved.

definitely went all in on architecture during the egpytian revival period and had home with a facade that replicated an ancient temple. (this didn't make akasha give him any special attention. not that he would admit to hoping for that or anything, he was just keeping up with the times, obviously)

he and daniel briefly terrorized a pub trivia night by sweeping every category every time they showed up until the owner gently requested they not come back since other patrons were tired of losing. he can't help that he's well read and his companion has a great wealth of knowledge on pop culture, okay?? mortals these days are such sore losers.

some guys are into shoes, some are into watches, we know from canon that he loves gloves and so he absolutely has a pair of bespoke leather gloves in every color for every occasion. driving gloves, white lambskin gloves for formal events, fur lined gloves for winter, he has multiple drawers in his closet for his collection. no i don't need smut with him doing obscene things to someone while wearing these gloves for kinktober why do you ask

i could go on but THERE YOU GO, i hope my niche and useless thoughts about him were entertaining at least 🥰