#But it’s not cute enough for me to forgive everything else they added this update 🙃

[vampstel]

I keep RHposting on here but y’all I’m obsessed…

[multisfabulis]

Land’s Trust in Light

Arrival in Thornewind (Chapter 1/6)

Word Count: 4090

Oh, look, a new Corona's Shadow entry that doesn't feature Verreth? That's possible?!

I kid but it honestly feels good to not be writing Verreth for CS for a little bit. CS was never meant to be a Verreth love story, it only ended up like that because I went straight into writing "The Road to Forgiveness Be Damned" after finishing "A Single Ray of Light in a Sea of Darkness" because I simply wanted to write more Ven and I started to regret my decision around the time I wrote the rough version of the third chapter. Obviously, I stuck with that decision to the end but it was throughout that time I had wants to write Verreth and I wrote those as well. However, all the Verreth segments are what I consider to be side stories, which I know may be hard to believe but trust me, because Ven and Ferreth are not the main protagonists of CS. Eric, if anyone remembers him, is. The Verreth segments were only added to the CS series because I didn't want to make a whole new series entirely focused on Verreth and take them out of something they are main characters of.

Does this mean I'm done writing Verreth? For now, yes. Outside of occasional updates to "Only Through Acceptance Will Love Find Us", I wanna focus on both this and other smaller projects, like RLD and fanfics. Just in case anyone's lost hope, the next big project is Verreth-related, with Ferreth taking the protag role a la TRFBD. Let's just say we're finally getting a look at his backstory and a reason as to why he has self-worth issues.

God, it feels great to be writing in Eric's POV again. It's been over 2 years since I finished ASRLSD so I am making the most of this!

Surprisingly enough, there wasn't much change during the transition from rough draft to publication, which actually made this harder to write. I'm so used to there being at least one major change that I got tripped up by this. The only major change here is the addition of descriptors and needed elaboration and those, I feel like, are key to "beautifying" writing so I don't count those.

One last thing is the "flirting" present in here. I honestly don't know if that can be considered flirting because I'm not someone who flirts or is flirted with on a daily basis. I'm pretty much the dense harem anime protagonist so please forgive me for the terrible flirting.

Read on AO3 | Read on DA | Support me on Ko-fi!

     Thornewind was gorgeous. Sure, Eric was looking at it from a distance atop Asha, but it made one hell of a good first impression. Thornewind seemed colorful and vibrant and he wanted to explore every last inch of it. He gently kicked Asha’s side and she began walking at a slow, leisurely pace.

     Thornewind was a town nestled in the mountains north of Aurora Zenith. The tiny glimpse he saw of it left him awestruck, from its tall, rich buildings packed closely together to its bright windmills scattered across its many open fields. Then there was the sight that awaited him over the ridge, stealing his breath away.

     There were tulips that stretched as far as the eye could see. A sea of blue, red, orange, pink, and yellow blossoms swayed in the summery breeze. It was strange how all these tulips were in bloom when Augvesta had just rolled around but he didn’t put much thought into it. Botany was more of Ven’s expertise and she would be positively thrilled upon seeing this.

     It was soon after crossing the garden he arrived at the entrance. It surprised him to see how lax security was if they let a complete stranger in without so much as a request for papers. He didn’t mind it, though; it just struck him as odd since no one was allowed entry if they weren’t deemed trustworthy back in his childhood home. He and Asha passed through the threshold and was rendered speechless.

     Towering brick buildings loomed over him while a rainbow of others stood further ahead of him. Paths of smooth stone ran in every direction, the opposite of Aurora Zenith’s dirt roads that swept up dust with enough energy behind it. He could hear the tinkling of wind chimes and the fervor of voices all around him. Thornewind certainly had Brinegarde beat in its lively atmosphere.

     He hopped off Asha, making sure to keep the reins in a firm grip. Her deep brown eyes met his as he slowly put a hand on her face and stroked. She didn’t flinch, which was a good sign of progress.

     “You’re such a good girl, Asha,” he murmured, moving his hand down to stroke her neck. “Let’s find a place for you to rest, hmm?”

     It didn’t take long to find a stable. He led her into one of the empty stalls and fed her a couple sugar cubes as a reward for all the hard work she’d done over the past two weeks. The last thing he did was tell the stableman how to care for her during her stay and that he’d be checking up on her daily. Waving goodbye to Asha, it was time to explore Thornewind.

     With it being mid-afternoon, it was pleasantly warm as people crowded the streets on their day-to-day routine. The sound of the wind chimes grew louder and the scent of delicious meals made his mouth water in anticipation. Thank god his anxiety wasn’t ruining this for him. He could hardly contain the bounce in his step as he excitedly toured around the busy thoroughfares. It was rare for him to see and visit new places so he wanted to make the most of this trip.

     There were two things he noticed. First was that most of the people he saw weren’t humans nor were they elves. Their ears were similar to Ven’s and they had what seemed to be like fangs sticking out from their upper lips. What really threw him off, though, were their sizes. Many of them were easily a foot or so taller than him just from a distance and were definitely well-built. Whatever these people were, they’ve caught his eye and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t enticed.

     Then there were the stares. He initially thought they were wondering what a human was doing here till he realized it was what he wore. It wasn’t like he was wearing an extravagant suit but he still clearly looked like a noble, or so he assumed. He wasn’t trying to show people up. He was just taught to always dress his best for important events and he considered his reason for being here to be one such.

     Now came the realization he was lost. He had become so engrossed in his surroundings, an hour flew by without him noticing. He needed to find the lord of this town and talk with them about the relationship between them and Aurora Zenith. Allies were essential in political affairs, after all. The bad part was, he had no idea on where to start looking.

     Well, as much as he hated to, he had to ask someone for directions. It couldn’t be that hard, right? All he’d have to do is go up to a random person, ask them on how to get to the lord’s house, and that’d be it. Simple and easy!

     He felt a hand touch his shoulder and heard a voice ask, “Hey, are you okay?”

     He let out a startled shriek and turned to face the stranger. There was a man in front of him with his hands up in a conciliatory manner towards him. One of the first things he noticed was just how big he was.

     He’d never seen anyone taller than Alek before and it honestly unnerved him. The man had the same pointed ears and fangs as everyone else so he must’ve been one of the not-human, not-elf people. He had dark brown skin, messy brown hair with a small braid that reached his shoulders, and bright green eyes. What was really peculiar about him were the bandages starting from the middle of his arms and ending all the way down to his fingertips. He was definitely hiding something underneath those but Eric could care less about what right now.

     “Hey, hey, hey, calm down, okay?” the man said in a soothing tone. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

     “I would hope not!” Eric breathed in, placed a hand on his chest, and breathed out. “It’s not every day some random stranger walks up, claps a hand on my shoulder, and asks if I’m okay right in my ear.”

     “Well, you seemed troubled so I thought you might’ve needed help,” the man replied, putting his hands down.

     Feeling rather embarrassed with himself for that pathetic display, he cleared his throat and asked, “As a matter of fact, I do. Could you please tell me where the lord of this town is, I need to speak with them right away.”

     “You wanna talk to Bris?”

     “If that’s their name, then yes. I have some important business to discuss with them.”

     “He’s not far from here, I can take you to him if you want.”

     That would probably be the best course of action. He was never good at memorizing directions and reciting them to himself only confused him more. He had no one to blame but himself for being in this situation to begin with so…

     “Sure, that’d be great,” Eric conceded. At least this guy was kind and generous enough to show him the way there.

     “All right, let’s make our way over there.” The two men began walking down a street that wasn’t as busy as before. “By the way, my name’s Ferreth.”

     “I’m Eric, it’s nice to meet you,” he said, flashing him a friendly smile.

     “So what brings someone like you to our fair town of Thornewind?” Ferreth asked. “I thought I’d recognized all our visitors since those don’t come by very often.”

     “It’s as I said. I’ve traveled a long way to see Bris in the hopes of discussing important business with him.”

     “What kind of business? Are you an important person?”

     “I’d say being lord counts as pretty important. I’ve come all the way from Aurora Zenith to see if our two towns could potentially become allies.”

     “Oh, wow. I, uh, didn’t think someone as cute as you could be lord.”

     He tilted his head in both curiosity and confusion. “I don’t see what my appearance has to do with anything but I can assure you I wasn’t lying.”

     “I didn’t think you were. I just wasn’t expecting a man in your position to be so…good-looking.”

     “So what were you expecting?”

     “You know, somebody the complete opposite. I mean, I’m figuring you’re, like, smart, charismatic, kind, and everything else Bris is like.”

     Ah, that’s what was happening here. He had an inkling of it the first time Ferreth mentioned his appearance but now he was sure. Alek had never done it with him and there wasn’t really a need for him to. As flattered as he was by it, his heart was and always will be Alek’s.

     Chuckling, he said, “Well, I think my boyfriend would agree with you on some of those things but I’m more modest about them.”

     “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Ferreth had a defeated smile on his face, gracefully accepting his loss. Eric liked how easygoing he was.

     “So what’s your relationship with Bris like?” he asked.

     “Oh, me and him are best friends. We’ve known each other since childhood but I’d say we’re more like brothers than friends by this point.”

     “Sounds like you get along with him really well.”

     “Don’t get me wrong, Bris and I have had our fair share of arguments but what friendship hasn’t? We have each others’ backs and no fight’s ever gonna change that.”

     Ferreth had a certain fondness in his voice when he spoke about Bris. It was easy to see the love and devotion he held for Bris and it warmed Eric’s heart. He was admittedly envious of their friendship. He never had any friends as a child aside from Alek and, while Alek’s irreplaceable, he wished he was able to make some back then. At least that seemed to be changing with him befriending Ven during his trip to Brinegarde so maybe he still had a chance to form everlasting relationships.

     “Here we are!”

     The two stopped before a giant windmill. Dark red brick made up the exterior and the blades turned gently in the breeze, creaking ever so slightly. There were hardly any windows aside from the two in front and there was a wraparound balcony set up just below the wooden roof. Eric didn’t know windmills could be habitable, which made him want to live here if only a little.

     “Wow…”

     “Let’s go on up, shall we?”

     They climbed up the stone steps leading to the front door. It was a tall, dark wooden door stretching up towards the wraparound balcony, with a black, wrought iron ring on the side as its knocker. Before he could think of a script in his head, Ferreth grabbed the ring and hit it against the door a few times.

     Almost immediately after, a woman answered. She wasn’t much taller than him, though he figured the top of his head would be just scraping her chin, and the slim blue dress she wore did little to hide her defined muscles. She had porcelain skin, long, wavy rose pink hair flowing down to her waist, and sandy brown eyes, reminding him of the shores of Aurora Zenith’s beaches. She was stunningly beautiful and his throat felt suddenly dry.

     “Ah, Ferreth, are you here to see Master Brirsyrun today?” she asked. Her voice sounded soft and airy like a lovely breeze.

     “Hey, Aissyl, I’m actually here because my new friend wanted to speak with Bris regarding some important matters, right?” Ferreth put a hand squarely on Eric’s back and pushed him forward slightly.

     “Oh, uh, yes!” he spoke quickly. “My name is Eric Travere and I’m the lord of Aurora Zenith. I’m here today because I needed to talk to Brirsyrun about improving the relationship between our two towns.”

     “I see. I shall ask Master Brirsyrun if he’ll see you now, please wait a moment.” She closed the door.

     That could have gone a little better, he thought as he released a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding in. He heard Ferreth trying to stifle a laugh from beside him and promptly wanted to die. Guess he wasn’t the only one she had that effect on, if this has happened before.

     “She’s pretty, isn’t she?” Ferreth asked, pretending like he didn’t know the answer.

     “Yes, well, I can’t deny that she’s quite beautiful,” he replied, clearing his throat. “Have you tried anything with her?”

     “When I first met her, yeah, and she swiftly turned me down.” He clicked his tongue, as if remembering the memory wasn’t pleasant. “Let’s just say she’s not interested in men like us. Or any man, really.”

     Before he could say any more, the woman known as Aissyl opened the door and invited them inside. The room he entered seemed to be what he’d liken to a waiting room or lounge. What little of the walls he saw that weren’t decorated in exquisite murals were painted a warm honey color. There were a couple of cushioned chairs sitting by the small window and a low table set in front of them. He didn’t have time to check out much more before Aissyl led them through an arched threshold into another room he presumed to be Bris’ office.

     It wasn’t terribly big but it worked fine for its purpose. Unlike the lounge, the walls were a cerulean blue, similar to the sky at dawn before the sunrise. There were tall bookcases standing on one side of the room and a spiral staircase leading up to the second floor on the other. A leather chair sat behind a pine desk atop a nondescript forest green rug. He figured the unusual empty space in front of the desk was for additional chairs if they had guests over. They must not get many of them if they hadn’t gotten a chair specifically for this room. A man was sitting at the desk when he looked up and Eric believed him to be Bris.

     The first thing he noticed was the cream-colored scarf worn around his neck, which he found odd since it was late summer. He looked to have a lean yet muscled body and, when he stood up, seemed to be just shy of Aissyl’s height. He had sun-kissed skin, cropped blond hair, and cloudy gray eyes. A smile broke out across his face upon seeing Ferreth and he walked around his desk.

     “Hey, I was wondering when I’d see you,” said Bris.

     “Well, I was planning on coming by here anyway but my new friend here--” Ferreth wrapped an arm around Eric’s shoulders, making him jump slightly-- “needed help finding you so why not save a trip?”

     “Right.” Bris walked up and offered a hand. “I’m Brirsyrun, son of Nulzrot and Tallo of the air.”

     That was a…unique way of introducing himself, he thought curiously as he put his hand in Bris’ and said, “I’m Eric Travere, lord of Aurora Zenith.”

     “Aissyl said you had some important matters to discuss?”

     “Yes, well, I wanted to talk with you regarding the relationship between Thornewind and Aurora Zenith.” He took a step forward, shrugging off Ferreth’s arm. “You see, I’m planning on going to the rest of the major cities and asking them for their cooperation. In simpler terms, I’m in want of allies. I already have the town of Brinegarde as one so Thornewind’s my second stop.”

     “I see. Well, I’d like to talk more of this tomorrow morning because I have some things that need attending to today. Will that be all right with you?”

     “No, that’s good, that’s great! I’ll be here tomorrow morning.”

     Wow, a guaranteed meeting? No waiting for someone because they were fooling around instead of doing work in their office? This trip was already leagues better than Brinegarde’s and it was all due to Bris being a responsible adult. That pompous jackass Lianthorne could take some pointers.

     “I think, with that being settled, we’re done here.” Bris gestured towards Ferreth. “Ferr, could you show Eric to the Dravitae Inn so he’ll have a place to stay during his time here?”

     “Of course, my lord,” Ferreth replied with a joking smile.

     “Don’t call me that, even if it’s a joke,” Bris protested, despite his own grin.

     Aissyl led the two men outside with Bris following behind. Eric and Ferreth gave a short wave goodbye and they were off. He made sure to remember any and all distinctive markers on the roads as they walked. He didn’t want to be late for the meeting tomorrow because he was lost again.

     “So, how was your first impression of Bris?” Ferreth asked, folding his hands behind his head. “Pretty nice guy, right?”

     “Yeah, he seems like a really decent person--” he let out a chuckle before sighing wearily-- “which is a lot more than I can say about Brinegarde’s lord.”

     “I’m guessing they weren’t as nice.”

     “God, you would not believe. They’re probably the most arrogant and pretentious asshole I’ve ever met.”

     “At least Bris isn’t like that, thankfully.”

     “Yeah, thank god.”

     Despite his complaining of it, he didn’t regret his trip to Brinegarde. It was a beautiful town, like many other coastal towns, and the sweets were to die for. Meeting and becoming friends with Ven, however, was easily the best part of that trip. No beauty or tasty treats will come close to the joy having her in his life brought. She was Brinegarde’s saving grace.

     “You know, I’m curious…” He put a finger to his chin as if thinking about something before continuing. “What do you do around here, Ferreth? It must be a job that gives you a lot of free time if you’re allowed to cart me around all day.”

     “Oh, I guess I’m what you’d call a handyman,” Ferreth replied. “I do general repairs wherever they’re needed and I basically do work people don’t wanna do themselves.”

     “So it’s like you’re an errand boy, then?”

     “I’d say handyman’s an upgrade from that but yeah. It may not be the most ideal job but it lets me help people and it doesn’t pay so bad, either.”

     “No offense and all but…isn’t there something you’d rather be doing than being a handyman? I mean, I guess I don’t really understand it but still… Do you have something to aspire to?”

     He swore he saw him tense up and a glimmer of something he couldn’t quite detect before it disappeared as he answered with, “Not really.”

     That was most definitely a lie. He couldn’t figure out why Ferreth would lie to him over an innocent question like that but it was none of his business. There might’ve been more going on underneath the surface and they had only just met earlier today. No sane person tells a complete stranger their entire life story hours after meeting them. He was entitled to his secrets, as was he.

     It was soon after they arrived at the Dravitae Inn. It was a simple four-story building, with pale green walls, a dark red shingled roof, a pair of large double doors serving as the entrance, and windows on either side that allowed passersby a peek inside the establishment. On the corner was a hanging metal sign that had the name of the inn inscribed on it with a sleeping dragon below. It seemed like a good enough place to stay in during his visit.

     “Here we are.” Ferreth turned towards him. “You gonna need help getting to Bris’ tomorrow?”

     “No, I should be good. Besides--” he placed a finger to his temple-- “I have a pretty good memory so I think I have the path there memorized.”

     “All right, well, good luck tomorrow,” he said, gesturing his hand in a motion reminiscent of a salute. “Enjoy the rest of your stay.”

     He began walking back the way they came. Eric watched his figure shrink smaller and smaller before he was out of sight completely. He hoped he’d have a chance to talk with him more throughout his stay here in Thornewind. He had questions he wanted answers to, such as the nature of the people here and what he was like. For now, though, it was time to check in.

     A quick chat with the innkeeper later and he had his room. It was slightly smaller than his room back at home but it brought some comfort. A queen-sized bed sat on the right side of the room and an average cupboard opposite it. The armoire was tucked away into the upper left-hand corner while a small table and chairs were in the upper right-hand corner. A single window was set at the back, which gave him a decent view of Thornewind in the late afternoon.

     He set his bag and key down on the table before flopping onto the bed. God, he wanted nothing more than to lay there for a minute or hour. He still wasn’t used to walking and talking by himself so he was thankful for the short rest. Hey, maybe by the time he goes to Emberranth, he’ll have the skills of a functioning human being and not that of an introverted shut-in.

     He sat up, reached into his pocket, and took out his pendant. The crystal inside the bottle glinted slightly upon being held up to the light. He smiled as he brought it close to his chest, hoping his mother was watching over him.

     Tomorrow was his meeting with Bris. Other than that, he had a few days to spend time doing whatever he wanted. Sightseeing, buying souvenirs, trying out Thornewind’s cuisine, he may as well treat himself as a tourist more than a visitor. He never got to do these things before now so he wanted to make the most of it.

     May he leave Thornewind with an unforgettable experience.

[purrincess-chat]

Love Squared CH2: Baby, We’re the New Romantics

I’ve updated @lnc2‘s birthday fic! Enjoy more Ladrien and girl squad shenanigans and TS chapter titles to add to the fun. I am hoping to finish this fic before the end of the month. It’s gonna be short and sweet and funny and wholesome. And Ladrien! All of my favorite things. 

Read on AO3

Chapter 2

Of all the people Ladybug expected to find in the park, Adrien Agreste was not one.

Well, to be fair, she only expected to find one person in the park that afternoon. When she’d found the rose with a note attached at her usual meeting place with Chat Noir with a request to meet in the park, she figured it was another one of his schemes to woo her, but she’d never been happier to be wrong.

He seemed just as shocked to see her, his cheeks darkening three shades before he swallowed hard and ran a hand through his hair, and Ladybug did her best not to stare like a weirdo.

“Um, hi,” he said looking too cute for words. “I got your note. You wanted to meet up?”

“Wait? What?” She blinked.

“I found this note in my locker,” he said, holding up a note similar to hers. “You didn’t leave it?”

“No, I’m here because I found a note too,” she said, retrieving it from her yoyo. “I thought it was Chat Noir.”

“I didn’t-” he started, and at Ladybug’s raised brow, quickly cleared his throat. “I- don’t understand then. We both got the same note to meet here, so who sent them?”

“Good question.” She pursed her lips and glanced around with narrowed eyes until she spotted a picnic set up on the other end of the park. “But I have a feeling it has something to do with that.”

“What is all of this?” Adrien asked when they approached as Ladybug picked up a card addressed to the both of them.

“Dear Ladybug/Adrien,

Don’t panic. We couldn’t help but notice that you two seem to like each other, so we’ve arranged a romantic picnic for the two of you. Don’t be shy, just enjoy it!

-The Ladrien Support Squad

P.S. Don’t deny your feelings. They’re obvious.

P.P.S. Ladrien is the couple name we made up for you two!”

When Ladybug finished reading, she glanced up at Adrien whose cheeks were as red as her suit, and she had a feeling hers were the same. Something in the handwriting was familiar, but she would investigate later.

“So,” Adrien said, clearing his throat. “Do you really- I mean, you know?”

“I-” Ladybug looked into his eyes, prepared to lie, but the timid, almost hopeful glint in them made her brain malfunction.

Because she didn’t want to lie to him. Of course, she knew that she should. A superhero couldn’t be in a relationship with a civilian. It was too dangerous, and as she opened her mouth to say as much, Adrien spoke first.

“I do,” he said, and she felt goosebumps race up her back as her heart took off into a sprint. “I love you, Ladybug.”

“I…” She didn’t know what to say.

Adrien was in love with her! She could tell him she was in love with him too. He’d probably kiss her afterward, and she really wanted to do that. But…she shouldn’t. But she wanted to. Could she? No. It was out of the question obviously. If Hawkmoth targeted Adrien, she’d never forgive herself.

“Sorry,” she said, closing her eyes and breathing a sigh. It was for his safety. At least, that’s what she told herself to lessen the pain. It didn’t work very well.

“Oh,” he said, and when she opened her eyes again, she saw his shoulders slump, the light in his eyes dimming. “Um, that’s okay. I- we barely know each other, so of course you’re not in love with me.”

Ladybug’s heart dropped to her feet as those sad green eyes lowered to his shoes. Then again, she thought, if Hawkmoth laid a single finger on those golden locks, she’d end him herself.

“No, I- do,” she said before she could think better of it, and now committed to the truth, added with a sigh, “I do love you, Adrien. It’s just that I-”

At her declaration, Adrien stepped forward and placed a kiss on her cheek, and she felt them warm under the softness of his lips. Adrien’s lips. On her cheek. Adrien in love with her. Was this another daydream? Adrien pulled back and flicked his gaze down to her lips, silently asking for more, and as she stretched up to meet him, she swiftly learned that this was far too vivid to be a daydream which could only mean that it was real.

Adrien was really kissing her! It was enough to distract her from the fact that someone out there set this up, and if someone could observe her feelings for Adrien by watching news footage then Hawkmoth probably could too. They’d have to tread carefully.

“I can’t believe this is really happening,” Adrien said with a dreamy sigh when they pulled away, and she let out a breathy laugh.

“I certainly didn’t expect it myself,” she said, biting her lip.

“I wonder who set this all up,” he said, glancing around at the candles and rose petals.

Yes, who indeed.

“No matter. I’m really glad they did.” He smiled at her. “Shall we?”

Ladybug couldn’t be too annoyed. Not when she spent the next hour and a half leaning against Adrien’s chest while they fed each other grapes and talked about how long they’d had their feelings. Of course, she couldn’t exactly tell him the whole truth since it would give away her identity, but she made up a believable enough story.

It was funny to her now, knowing that she’d been worried all this time about him being in love with someone else, never once believing that the other person could also be her. It wasn’t the her she’d imagined, but she’d take what she could get. Because she was Ladybug even without the mask, and one day she’d be able to tell him that. Then they’d get married, have three kids, a house, and a hamster named-

“I want to be with you, Ladybug,” Adrien was saying as he trailed his thumb along her jaw. “Earlier before I cut you off, you were going to say how dangerous this is, right?” He flicked those green eyes down to meet hers with a somberness she’d never seen before. “I didn’t want to hear it because I’ve wanted this for too long, and I don’t want to give you up now. Not when I know you love me back.”

“I just don’t want anything to happen to you,” she said, and the somberness went away, an almost amused glint taking its place.

“You don’t need to worry about me. I promise, I’ll be careful,” he said, tilting her chin up. “Besides, I know you’ll protect me.”

The kiss made her head spin, and more than anything, she didn’t want to let go. Everything she’d always dreamed of had been handed to her out of nowhere, and she didn’t care how selfish it was to kiss him back. She sacrificed so much for this city every day. Wasn’t it time that she got something in return? Couldn’t she have this?

Adrien seemed to think so as he held her close and kissed her deeply, delicately. He held her as if she were a precious, fragile doll, and Ladybug could tell that he was holding back, not wanting to be too forward or overly passionate. Always the gentleman.

“I promise, I won’t let anyone harm you,” she breathed against his lips, and she felt his curl into a smile.

“I know. I trust you.”

When Adrien left for his piano lesson, Ladybug let a breath pass her lips, glancing down at the card resting on the picnic basket. She picked it up again, examining the handwriting with pursed lips before tossing her yoyo across the street and pulling herself up into the rooftops with one tug.

 Across town, the girls had gathered at Alya’s to celebrate their victory. They’d actually done it! Marinette was finally getting to be with her prince, and it was all thanks to them!

“They just looked so cute together,” Rose squealed, squishing her cheeks together.

“Imagine how cute they’re going to look when they find out! I can’t wait until they defeat Hawkmoth,” Mylene added.

“Okay, but just remember that this is all on the major DL. They can’t know that we’re the ones behind this, and no one else can know that we know. We’ve sworn a vow,” Alya said sternly, flicking her gaze to each of the girls in her room.

“Yeah, duh, we know.” Alix rolled her eyes. “We’re just happy that our friends are happy.”

“We just have to be extra careful and do everything we can to keep them together,” Alya said, holding out her hand. “Ladrien Support Squad, on three?”

The other girls all placed their hands in a circle, ready to recite their chant until a red and black spotted hand joined the mix, and they all scattered with shrieks. Ladybug crossed her arms over her chest and cocked a hip to one side.

“So, is anyone going to tell me why you’ve all decided to meddle in my love life, or am I going to have to guess?”

[starkerdayss]

                                         A DROP OF POISON

Chapter 1/Chapter 2

“Look at what you did”

“What I did? You were the one who brought me here”

“Me? Did somebody force you to step into that portal?”

Beside Peter’s bed, the two versions of one person argued, getting dangerously close to screaming. Their voices resonated in what Tony called ‘baby’s bedroom’, where the man had installed a pretty advanced device that turned Peter’s moans into high pitched sounds, forcing him to hear himself while the man got his way.

It was just… serving another purpose right now.

Still, the amplifiers eventually woke Peter up, two eyes slowly opening as they remembered what they had previously seen and refusing to believe it until they focused on what was now his boyfriend’s back and his boyfriend’s little version’s hair.

He frowned in annoyance, and a little whine escaped his mouth, attracting the attention back to him. It took him a few seconds before speaking again.

“So… this is really happening?”

Tony nodded slowly and extended his hand to take Peter’s small one into his, caressing the back of it with his thumb, not knowing that their movements were being followed by little Tony, who was still trying to figure out what exactly they were.

“Then, if he’s staying here, with you, with us…” started Peter, really wishing he didn’t have to do this “we need to stablish some ground rules”

“Fair enough” spoke Tony, turning around to face mini Tony, who was nodding already, walking to the other side of the bed and taking a small, half empty bottle of lube from Peter’s nightstand and inspecting it, turning Peter’s cheeks into a red mess. Tony received wide eyes staring at him from the bed, pleading at him to take control.

Tony wasn’t fast enough, though.

“Rule number one, don’t take my stuff. Or Tony’s” hissed the young man, moving to the other side of the bed and taking the bottle from his hands, putting it in the nightstand next to his side, inside a drawer, and closing it hard enough to break. He was already exhausted from dealing with him. “Can- can you take him to the kitchen or something while I get my shit together?”

The Real Tony looked at his boyfriend and nodded, eager to comply. He acknowledged that he was being talked to because of the little submissive connotation of Peter’s words. Apparently, it didn’t matter where they were, or what situation they had gotten themselves in, Tony was always going to be the one who dominated.

Both versions left Peter’s room, one after the other, and as soon as the door closed, Peter pushed the covers away and stood up, walking to the window and looking outside. He remembered very vividly how he had felt when he had stepped outside of his home. Something had been out of place.

And that was the moment an idea was planted in his mind.

What if mini Tony hadn’t come alone? What if he had brought something else into this world, into this dimension, with him?

A lot of time must’ve gone by because he felt someone knocking on the door, and then Tony, his Tony, appearing from the door crack. “You alright? You’re not going to pass out again, are you?”

The young man smiled and turned fully around, running a hand through his hair. This was going to be way more complicated than he thought.

“Mini me apparently knows how to cook” sighed Tony.

Peter raised his eyebrows. “Really?”. He got a nod as an answer.

“He prepared something for us. I wouldn’t really eat it if I were you. I-I know myself. I can’t cook, Peter”

It was pretty obvious that Tony was trying to lighten up the mood by relying on humor, but Peter wasn’t really having it.

There was a big chance that he was going to have to tell May what was going on, and that implied telling her about being Spiderman, which he wasn’t really excited about. He could always lie, but one, he sucked at it, and two, there was no way she let him stay at Tony’s house for a week or two without a reason whatsoever.

“Common, Petey, let’s go talk in the kitchen. I also don’t trust myself walking around our home and having access to a lot of things that…” he interrupted himself as he remembered that he had left the lab open and available, tons of experiment resting in the shallow surface, ready to be touched by curious and reckless hands, “…can we please go?”

Technically, sitting in front of your boyfriend, who’s sitting beside a small version of himself, wasn’t really a typical Parker afternoon. Still, he knew that he had to be there, otherwise, Tony could make a bigger mess than he had already done.

He needed Peter’s rationality.

The intruder was eating his own creation with eagerness, letting the two others know that he hadn’t eaten in a while. Peter tried really hard not to stare. It didn’t work.

He looked… a lot like Tony. Well, he was him, but he looked… sad. Ever since the anxiety had taken a part of the man’s sanity, their relationship had become the one that two grown men would be having. Didn’t mean it was less fun, though, it just meant that he knew Tony more, the rough, raw Tony. And if that meant holding him through nightmares and whispering into his ear that everything was going to be fine, then he wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.

Now, as his eyes went from Little Tony’s eyes, to his hands, to the way he was sitting, to the spikes in his hair… it all felt really surreal. It was like he had someone else’s memories, especially because he felt weirdly attracted to the young version of his boyfriend.

He chose to pretend it was because of that same reason, though. He had always been attracted to his Tony. Besides, it’s not like mini Tony wasn’t cute. He had soft skin, plump, pink lips, fiery eyes and god forgive him, “pullable” hair.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer” muttered the other young man, without looking at Peter but at his food as it went inside his mouth, glancing at the other Tony from the corner of his eyes. No regrets.

Peter rolled his eyes and threw the napkin on top of the table, laying back on the chair. “Do you have to be such a fucking smartass?”

“Woah” started young Tony. “You let your boy toy speak to your guests with that language?”

Peter had never seen someone move so fast. In a matter of seconds, his Tony had his other self taken by the shirt, lifting him up and throwing him against the kitchen counter, their faces pressed together, anger and impulsiveness meeting. “You don’t get to talk to Peter that way, you hear me? Little shit”

“Tony!” screamed the third person in that room, standing up from his chair, trying to gesture to Tony to stop.

“You’re from another dimension, asshole, I can easily kill you and nothing would happen in the dimension I care about”

“Alright, calm down! It was joke. Peter, sorry. Do you forgive me?”

The two versions of his boyfriend looked at him. One expecting forgiveness and the other looking for moral support. Peter gulped. The scene was rather hot, if he had to put it in blunt words. It was really hard not to stare. How could he not forgive him when he was looking at him like that? Jesus Christ.

“I- yes, Tony, I forgive you” hesitated the young man, at what mini Tony smirked up at the older version of himself. Tony let go of him and returned to the table, going back to the plate of food his other self had cooked for them.

“Okay, I- I need to have some rules around here” continued Peter, sitting back down. “Besides what I already told you in the bedroom, I can’t be calling you both ‘Tony’, so, baby, you’re going to be Anthony, and you- you’re going to be Tony” finished Peter, pointing at the other Tony.

“You could’ve called me ‘daddy’, Peter” mumbled the man with his mouth full, sarcasm dripping out of the corner of his mouth.

Mini Tony looked at Peter and smirked, every second getting more and more details about whatever they were, gathering them all together. Peter blushed and hid his face in his hand. “Second, Anthony, you need to keep your decency, okay? I don’t want to, uh… flash Tony”

“That wouldn’t be the worse thing, now, would it?” added Tony, making Peter blush even more when he winked at him. Anthony looked to the side and gave Tony a dirty look that clearly said, ‘that’s property’. Peter felt like the trophy wife.

“Third, no fighting. Different dimensions, still civilians. If we have a problem, we talk it out”

Both nodded, not looking at each other because of the fear of breaking the third rule two seconds after it was stated.

“Fourth, Tony, you have to stay here. In case anyone asks… you’re Anthony’s long-lost grandson or something”

“I’m not that old, Peter”

“You certainly look like you are” fired back Tony, finishing his food and cleaning his mouth with a napkin.

“Alright, whatever. You two discuss that. Fifth and hopefully last… Tony, you need to keep us updated. Tell us about your dimension, so we can try to identify it and send you back somehow”

“So far it’s pretty similar to yours. I just- I haven’t seen any angels yet”

Anthony choked on his food and looked at Tony, his eyes wide. “You haven’t seen what, now?”

“Yeah, the angels. Do they come out at night or what?”

Anthony turned his head to look at Peter, communicating without saying any words. They both knew that the danger behind the new discovery weren’t the angels, but their antonyms. Demons.

Apparently, both Peter and Anthony had spent so much time together, that they got to the same conclusion at the same time. What if the portal hadn’t been properly closed? What if instead of just Tony crossing…, other creatures did? What if instead of angels, demons collectively crossed the dimension border?

There was only one person that was going to know what to do, and he wasn’t arriving in two weeks. Technically, if Anthony tried hard enough, he could find him. Maybe even the people behind the man’s power, but that included doing a little road trip.

“Why are you looking at each other like that?”

“I won’t leave you alone, Peter” whispered Anthony, leaving the fork back on the plate.

“Do you rather leave him alone here with all our stuff?”

Silence.

“I’m right here” exclaimed Tony, glancing between the two other men there.

Their options were very limited, but as we all know, both their priorities were to keep the world safe. And demons were clearly a threat to not only humans but to the superheroes that were supposed to look after those very same humans.

“Are you going to be okay?”

Peter nodded and stood up, picking both his plate and Anthony’s, carrying them to the kitchen sink and then coming back to pick Tony’s, though he did that last thing with less disposition. He sighed and turned the water on, ready to do the dishes.

“I’m going to go, then. I should be back in two days max”

The young male turned around and looked at his boyfriend up and down, then nodded again, trying to appear way stronger than he really was. He didn’t know how he was going to deal for two entire days with the mini version of the man he loved.

Before he knew it, Anthony hugged him from behind, then kissed his neck, hiding in the crook of it and sighing loudly. “I’ll miss you”, but the young male could barely answer when the door was closed. Tony, his Tony was gone.

“Can you tell me what’s going on?”

It took Peter a second, but he finally turned the water off. “We don’t have angels” he started. “We’re worried, though, because since neither of us know anything about portals, or dimensions, or whatever… maybe something crossed with you. Angels, demons, any other creature that you think is normal and we don’t actually have here”

Tony nodded. “Is there any way I can help? I mean, I’m the one that knows how angels look”

Slowly, Peter approached the table and sat back down, staring. “I think we should leave that to Anthony and Doctor Strange. They will know what to do”  

“You do know I’m the same person, right?”

“But you don’t have the same knowledge as my Tony, so, it would be very risky to let you do whatever you want”

The silence after that sentence was unbearable, but neither of them knew what to say. Peter felt like he was back to being the awkward kid at school, which he was for mostly all high school, until his friends came along and so did the Avengers. The rest was history.

“I- I have a few things to do for school, so, I’m going to go to my room. You can, uh, watch TV or something. Just- don’t mess anything up. Anthony is very careful of where he leaves his stuff”

“This place is a mess” replied the other young male.

“Yeah, exactly. It’s Anthony’s mess, don’t re-mess anything”

“Got it”

Their eyes met for two seconds too long, but Peter was strong enough to look away and stand up. “Okay” he muttered as he made his way towards his own room, closing the door and sitting on his bed.

Soon enough, though, he got tired. It was really hard to think about math equations when you had a literal small version of your actual fucking boyfriend sitting around and doing god knows what.

He stood up and ran his hand through his hair, approaching the mirror and staring at himself with a slight feeling of disgust.

He wanted to look good.

He wanted to look good for someone who wasn’t Anthony. And he understood that it was harmless, because nothing was going to happen, but it seemed ridiculous to him that even when having all the love in the world and literally all the sex he wanted, he would still unconsciously think of giving into someone else’s touches.

He would’ve stayed inside his room if it weren’t because he heard a drawer close. His mind immediately went to one of Anthony’s projects and the possible destruction that his guest could bring.

He left the room almost jogging, only to find Tony in the kitchen, bent over the counter and giving Peter his back. His feet stopped immediately, nervous even when he had no reason to be.

“You-”

“I can’t physically imagine the other me using this, so... they have to be yours”

The words didn’t make sense to Peter, especially because Tony was facing the other way. “What are you talking about?”

A wolfish laugh came out of Tony’s throat as he slowly turned around, something hanging from his index finger. “Tell me, Peter...” started Tony, making Peter’s throat dry when he realized what the young man was holding. The bright yellow panties he had stained with cum so many times, slightly ripped in the back by forceful hands and two words written in pitch black. Little Princess.

“Are you a little princess?” finished Tony, smug smirk.

Peter couldn’t help it but moan.

[fabuloustrash05]

Courting A Salamandrian

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Word Count: 2711

Warning: Some minor language and swearing

Author’s Notes: Just a heads up to avoid any confusion, this chapter is in Raph’s POV. It’s something I wanted to try and might do again in future chapters. Another thing I have to mention is that I really struggled with this chapter mainly because I added so much and it wasn’t fitting in and making me happy. So I decided to save some things for a later chapter! Now I’m happy with the final product! Hope you enjoy! :3

~~~~~

Chapter 2: Lost In His Thoughts

My eyes widened and my heart began to beat fast, “W-what?” I quickly sat up, gently removing Mona from my arms. 

“Are you and I married?” she said, repeating the question as she sat up.

I didn’t know what to say, so I just asked her, “Why do you ask that?”

“You said that a marriage on your planet is a relationship that has trust, care, and respect for one another. We have that in our romance. You also said that when two people truly love each other, they are married. And I love you dearly, Raphael, and you love me. You even said I was your mate, your ‘perfect mate’ to be exact, so we must be married. Aren't we?” She gives me a cute little smile, making my face heat up.

“I love you too, Mona,” I said still shaking from the question, “but um..” I scratch the back of my head, unsure of what to say, “Mona, you and I are...” I looked at Mona, seeing a mix of joy a curiosity in her eyes. Will my answer upset her? I don't want to do that, but I don’t want to lie to her. I take a deep breath and I said, “No... we’re not married.” 

Mona tilts her head in confusion, “We’re not?”

“Yeah...we’re not…”

“Oh.. I see...” Mona’s look of confusion turned to a slight look of disappointment and uncertainty. 

“Mona, I love you. I really do,” I said quickly as I sat in front of her, “I don’t want you to think that I don’t care about you.”

“Don't care about me?” She laughs “I know you do.” She gently places her soft hand on my cheek. “I already know you love me. I was only curious about the marriage tradition on your planet. That’s all.”

“...Mona Lisa, I’m-”

Mona gently places her finger on my lips, hushing me, “I understand, Raphael.” Mona says as she gets up from the ground. She grabs my hand she lifts me onto my feet. “I apologize for my assumptions.”

“You don’t have to apologize. It’s just...”

Mona lifts my chin up and looks at me with a smile, “I don’t want you to worry about this topic,” She kisses me on the forehead and smiles, but I don't react. I’m still confused about what just happened. How is she so calm? 

“I love you, Raphael. We don’t need marriage to prove that, but I wish to ask you this.”

“W-what?”

“What are we?”

“What are we?” I repeated.

“In our relationship? If were not married than what are we?”

“Mona…” Unsure what to say, so without thinking, I quickly answered, “We’re dating. It’s just you and me.” 

She was quiet for a moment as she stared at me with her beautiful eyes, but soon she smiles.

“Then, that's perfect for me,” she says softly as she gives me smile, “I should be heading home. It’s far past curfew.” She begins folding the blanket we had while lying on the roof. “I promised the Mutanimals that I would help them with their training tomorrow morning. Would you care to walk me home, my love?” 

I noticed that she was offering me her hand, for which I give her credit -- finally learning that on Earth it doesn’t mean you want to challenge someone to a fight. But I don't take it. Mona’s question was all I could think about. She’s right for asking. If we are not married, then what are we? Boyfriend and girlfriend, right? That’s basically what I told her. We’re a couple, we’ve been one for a while now. But not anything more. 

“...Raphael?”

I come back to reality, “Oh, ugh, yeah. Sure.” I take her hand and we begin to leave the building’s roof.

Marriage. How have I never thought of marriage until now? I’ve been with Mona for so long, and yet the idea never came to me. I mean, Mikey and Casey have brought it up as a joke once or twice before - but I just always ignored them. How have I never even talked about the future with her? I’ve been so caught up in the moment with her, living in the present. But now, why can’t I stop thinking about our future? Will our relationship stay this way forever? Will anything change? Our lives with each other have been the same and were happy, but now it feels different. Like, something is missing...

“Raphael, are you alright? You’re awfully quiet.”

I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't realized we had already made it to the Mutanimals place, “S-sorry, I was just... thinking.”

“Are you ill?” she says as she gently places the back of her hand on my forehead.

I take her hand and hold it in mine, giving her a smile, “No, I’m not ill. I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not fine. You’re still thinking about what I asked.” 

She’s good at that. She knows me well enough to see when I’m not myself. I nodded.

At that moment she grabbed my other hand and held both of them in hers.

“Raphael,” she said in a firm voice, “I don’t want you to worry about anything. I hate to be the reason for your grief. Like you said, ‘We’re already a part of each other's lives’. We don’t need marriage. Our lives are fine the way they are now. I’m already in your life.” Mona again lifts my chin and gently kisses me. 

“Goodnight, Raphael,” she whispers in a soft, loving tone.

I smile, “Goodnight, Mona Lisa.”

As I watch Mona enter the abandoned building the Mutanimals call home, she turns to me one more time, giving me a smile and waving goodbye. Once I know she is safely inside, I head home myself.

It was almost 2 o'clock in the morning when I returned home. I know Leo is gonna nag me if he finds out I missed curfew. I entered the lair quietly so as to not wake my brothers. 

In the lair, I found my little brother, Mikey, asleep on the couch. As is his custom, he was surrounded by empty pizza boxes, and half eaten slices of pizza were still on the floor. The TV was on. He was probably watching a Krognard the Barbarian marathon, but fell asleep from gorging himself. Typical Mikey. Next to him, also asleep, was Ice Cream Kitty, and my precious Chompy. I smile at them, and grab a blanket for the shivering Mikey. I cover him up, turn off the TV, and begin quietly cleaning up a little of the mess he left behind. I took the pizza boxes and threw the empty ones out. I put the ones that weren’t opened in the fridge, along with putting Ice Cream Kitty back in the freezer so she won't melt. 

I gently picked up Chompy, trying not to wake him, and held him in my arms. 

“You're getting heavy,” I quietly said to him. He was getting big, almost the size of a full grown dog. Pretty soon, I’m not gonna be able to pick him up any more. 

I carry Chompy to my room and close the door behind me. I set him on the foot of my bed where he can rest. As I sit on my bed next to Chompy, I begin to relive what happened between Mona and I that night.

Especially when she said, “I’m already a part of your life, we don’t need marriage.”

I mean she’s right! She IS a part of my life. She’s always been there for me from the moment we met. I remember the moment I realized I had feelings for her. Love hit me hard, literally. That punch strangely awakened my feelings for her and those feelings turned into a crush and that crush lead to me falling in love with her. I don’t even know why a woman like her fell for someone like me, but she did. She called me “noble” and fought by my side so we could get off that ice planet. I earned her trust, and then her affection. She kissed me, God it was amazing! And at that moment I finally understood what my brothers were talking about when they would gush about their crushes. I had finally found someone who I can give my heart to, but then too soon, she had to leave.

Our long distance relationship was like hell - being in constant wonder if I’ll ever see her again, worrying that she’ll find someone else and forget about me, and I’ll forget about her. When Mona and I reunited in Dimension X, I knew our relationship had hope. I then asked her out for the first time, and she said, “Yes”!  After that, we found a way to stay in touch by sending each other messages. Even when we had long distances between us, I knew she was out there -- sending me her support and love, no matter what planet we were on. She would message me telling me about her recent battles she had fought in. I would update her on our progress in our mission to stop the Triceratons. And all that while flirting from time to time. I would write her love letters, something I thought I would never do. Everything was great, until he found out about our relationship.

I never thought one of my enemies would use my feelings for someone against me, but Lord Dregg achieved that. When he learned about my relationship with Mona, he blackmailed her to work for him, to lure my brothers and I into a trap, to betray my trust in her. For the first time in my life, I experienced heartbreak. I couldn’t fight. I was broken. I was full of anger and sadness. I was mad at Mona, but also hurt. Even with all my anger and frustration from her betrayal, deep down I still cared for her. I know now that she had her reasons, and I understand why she did it. She had to make a choice, her entire planet full of innocent people or me. I knew she regretted every second of what happened. It hurt her as much as it hurt me. Now, she never wants to talk about it. I can respect that. 

At the end of it all, she apologized to me and, like usual, my anger took over and controlled me, not letting me forgive her, leading her to make a big sacrifice. She said she loved me for the first time. I realized something that day. She was the key to my strength. I used to just fight for the fun of it. I finally had a true reason to fight. Her love made me stronger than I ever was before.

I blame myself for what happened to her next. Mona Lisa nearly gave her life to save my brothers and I from Dregg’s planet when we tried to escape. I couldn’t protect her. I remember when I held her in my arms when she was unconscious from being stung by one of Dregg’s monsters. I was so scared that I was gonna lose her and for a moment I thought I did. That whole experience we shared was something we never wanted to repeat.

Again, we dealt with long distances once my brothers and I returned to Earth, but this time, maintaining our relationship was more difficult. I had no way to contact her. We were back to where we started. I hated it. Keeping my pain and feelings to myself, I waited for the day she and I could reunite. I didn’t want to open up about how much I missed her to anyone, except maybe Chompy. I never stopped thinking about her. Any time I saw the stars in the night sky, I thought of her. More girls entered my life, but they were nothing compared to a woman like Mona Lisa. I loved her and I stayed loyal to her, even if a part of me doubted that I’d never see her again. But my hope was strong, and soon she returned. And this time, I didn’t want to let her go.

When we finally reunited again, I remember suggesting to Mona that she stay on Earth with me. The choice was difficult for her, yet she agreed. After that day, our relationship grew. We wanted to be with each other all-of-the-time to make up for those times when we weren’t together. I remember when we finally went on our first earthly date. I took her out on a tour around New York City, showing her the sights, and my favorite places to go. I showed her how things work around my planet. She loved it, saying that she’s never seen or experienced a planet quite like mine. After that, I took her to other places, Murakami’s restaurant, April’s old farm house. She even dragged me into space at one point so she could go visit Sal Commander. There I learned more about her culture, and she even taught me how to speak some Salamandrian. I mean, I’m still not good at it, but it's nice to understand Mona a little bit more when she speaks in her planet’s native language.

She started bonding with my friends and family. Leo, that dork, got her into Spaceheroes, and now they watch it together all the time. Mona has gotten close with the Mighty Mutanimals as well. She, Slash, and Leatherhead all became really good friends and are a very impressive team in combat. She and Rockwell always have these intellectual conversations that I never understand. Then, there’s Mondo Gecko who won't stop flirting with her! I always have to give him a “friendly reminder” that she’s already taken. I’m mostly grateful that Mona gets along great with the other girls. My sister, Karai, really likes and respects Mona as a fighter, and Mona feels the same. Meanwhile, there's April who absolutely loves spending time with Mona. Actually not just that, they’ve bonded so much that they told me that they are best friends. So much so, that April convinced Mona that she and I should go on a double date with April and Donnie! 

I can’t believe we’ve done so much. We have done everything together -- from the sparring sessions (with her proving every time why I love her so much when she beats my ass), watching movies together, talking on the phone for hours, going out on patrol to find bad guys to beat or just using that as an excuse to go and make out in private, hehe… 

Anyway, I always enjoy her company. When she isn’t around, I think about her beautiful smile and how happy she makes me feel. Her existence in my life gives me the strength to keep on fighting.

“Are we married?”

Her question repeats in my head. Marriage does require trust, care, and respect. She’s right, we do have that. I do love Mona and I know she loves me. I can always see it in her eyes, her beautiful eyes…but this isn’t just about our love for each other. I remember Splinter once told me that his marriage with his wife was not only about their love. It's about being there for the other one -  to take care of them. Two lives becoming one. Sharing the same goals and dreams. That's what a husband and wife do for each other. 

Am I ready to always be there for Mona? To care for her? To share my life with her? 

“I’m already in your life…”  I hear her whisper in my mind.

She’s in my life but she’s not a part of my entire life…

It's not enough. I realize that now. I don't just want her in my life, I want her to be my life. I want to be there for her, to care for her, protect her, and share my life with her. I am ready to make that commitment. I’m ready to do all of that for her because I love her!

For the first time in my life I’m finally planning ahead, seeing our future. I know what I want now in our relationship, and it's a change I’m ready to make.

Happy and confident in my decision, I lied down in my bed. With a smile on my face, I peacefully fall asleep.

~~~~~

[TAGS]

@waferreyes (for making the beautiful cover) 

@terra-mations (for giving me some helpful writing tips and being the beta reader for this chapter)

@starfiretheninja @kiaratheleo @petrichormeraki @monarel @cesarin @ryebread-02 

(if you would like to be on the tag list to be updated on the newest chapters, message me and let me know!)

Thank you again everyone who showed their support from the first chapter! You’re love and support for this fanfic makes me so happy and encourages me to keep working on this story! Now its time to get chapter 3 done! ;)

[chimfires]

MESSAGE US A NUMBER (UPDATED DRABBLE LIST!)

i’ve found some new prompts and added them to the list! Soooo i wanna write more, and Found prompts on google for drabbles, sooooo message us a number+member from any boy groupl for a request? We’ve definitely lost engagement and we want it back! 

“I’ll never forget you.”

“They may not understand you, but I do.”

“What happened to your hand(s)?”

“You shouldn’t have gone by yourself.”

“Did you hear that?”

“I think about you all the time.”

“I love you, no matter what.”

“Would you just listen to me for two seconds?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“It’s time to get up.”

“Get out of my way!”

“I think you’re forgetting something…”

“I’ll take you home.”

“Your laugh is so adorable.”

“I like to think we’re more than ‘just friends’.”

“I’m trying to cheer you up.”

“If you make any noise, they’ll fund us.  So be quiet.”

“I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you.”

“Go home.”

“I will find you.”

“What did you just say to me?”

“Scoot over.  I wanna sit next to you.”

“Of course I trust you.”

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“I will fight you.”

“Can I get you something?”

“If they mess with you, they’re messing with me.”

“Where would you like to start?”

“You think you can handle it?”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Something’s not right…”

“I need to know if you’re okay or not.”

“I want the truth.”

“Don’t test me.”

“This place is a mess.”

“Let’s go for a walk.”

“You don’t need to worry about me.”

“You’re such a nerd.”

“You’re not giving me much of a choice.”

“At least we have this fire to keep us warm.”

“Well now I’m all wet.”

“You can’t expect me to stay behind.”

“What’s that smell?”

“You can’t save everyone.”

“Sometimes you have to think of yourself as a priority.”

“It’s time to think outside of the box.”

“You’re not making any sense.”

“There are some things you’re just going to have to let go.”

“Three cups of coffee wasn’t enough?”

“You’re not making this any easier.”

“I’ll never stop caring about you.”

“Why don’t you tell me why you really came here tonight?”

“Who’s your friend?”

“Maybe we shouldn’t…”

“I’m not jealous!”

“It’s so good to see your face.”

“Need a hand?”

“Is that blood?”

“Don’t say another word.”

“Don’t be a smart ass.”

“Can you keep a secret?”

“I think it’s time for you to go to bed.”

“I think your hair looks just fine.”

“If you’re not busy… maybe we can get dinner?”

“Come out, come out, wherever you are.”

“Don’t make me regret this.”

“You’re not scared of the dark are you?”

“I can’t say I’m surprised.”

“Don’t worry, you’ve got me to take care of you.”

“I need you to do something for me.”

“Sounds like you have a problem.”

“There’s always another way.”

“You know more than you’re telling me.”

“Why don’t you just sit there and look pretty?”

“You’ve got enough to worry about.”

“You’re not alone, I’m right here.”

“Isn’t that illegal?”

“I hope you can forgive me.”

“You need to control your temper.”

“How do you get your skin to be so soft?”

“I’m not your personal doormat.”

“Why are you being so difficult?”

“Another sleepless night, huh?”

“How could I forget?”

“I’ll be with you the whole time.”

“We’ll just see about that.”

“I didn’t wanna wake you up.  You just looked so peaceful.”

“Can’t we talk about this?”

“I wanna hear you say it.”

“Would it be okay if I borrowed your sweater?  It smells like you…”

“You look beautiful in the moonlight.”

“Are you sure we should be doing this?”

“Don’t make me tape your mouth shut.”

“I told you that I didn’t wanna talk about it.  Why can’t you just let it go?”

“Let me know if anything goes wrong.”

“She’s dead…”

“I shouldn’t be here, but…”

“Come inside.  I don’t want you to get sick.”

“Have you lost your mind?”

“How did you know where to find me?”

“I think you should rest for the time being.”

“This is hard for me too.”

“You’re worth every second of my time.”

“I was just about to call you.”

“The corner store didn’t have your favorite, so I got you this instead.”

“I’m only here to help.”

“The night’s still young.”

“You should close the door.”

“You ruin me…”

“Was it worth it?”

“Love me like you do.”

“I swear to god.”

“Choose.”

“This was supposed to be romantic.”

“Like what you are seeing?”

“Meow?”

“Spider!”

“Ew.”

“You wanna fight?”

“You are better than this.”

“Dance with me.”

“To be honest…”

“I don’t like it.”

“How long do I have left?”

“I thought you were better than this.”

“Was it just a game?”

“I trusted you.”

“I love you.”

“Do you mean it?”

“I’m sorry…”

“Why are you naked?”

“Stop hiding from me. I just want to help you, can’t you see that?”

“You should probably close the door.”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

“I’m so lucky.”

“Would you just shut up and listen to me for two goddamn seconds?!”

“Take your medicine.”

“I would do anything for you, you know that. Just…not this.”

“I’m not here to make friends.”

“I need a place to stay.”

“You’re seriously like a man-child.”

“You’re blushing.”

“My friends told me I shouldn’t trust you.”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“I thought I’d find you here.”

“Are you flirting with me?”

“You smell like a wet dog.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute, you know that right?”

“Quit beating me up!”

“You’re getting crumbs all over my bed.”

“Can I borrow that book of yours?”

“Okay.. This is new.”

“Just pretend to be my date.”

“I fell in love with my best friend.”

“You know my house has a door, right? You don’t always have to come in through the window.”

“I feel like we’ve met before…”

“I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“But what if we wake someone up?”

“Are you upset with me?”

“Here, let me.”

“I like to think we’re more than ‘just friends’.”

“Car sex looks so much more easier in the movies.”

“Not everyone is out to get you. Stop thinking that. It’s annoying.”

“The more I look at you, the more I think we need to leave.”

“I didn’t think you could get any less romantic…”

“I wish I’d never met you.”

“I thought you had him!”

“How drunk was I?”

“I never thought I’d love you this much.”

“Did you do something different with your hair?”

“Please put your penis away.”

“Why are you bleeding?”

“Can I sit here? The other tables are full.”

“You mean everything to me.”

“Don’t blame it on the alcohol, you tasted like you wanted me.”

“Look at me. I love you.”

“I’ll pay you to hit me with a car.”

“What if I told you I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.”

“Ok, I give up. We’re definitely lost.”

“Let’s move in together.”

“You didn’t just wake me up at 2am because you were ‘in the mood’.”

“Please tell me that you didn’t say yes.”

“Since when have we ever been friends?”

“You look a lot different from your profile picture.”

“I’m late.”

“Want to head back to my place and have a little fun?”

“You could have died! I could have lost you!” - gang!myg

“I need your help. I had nowhere else to go.”

“If we get caught I’m blaming you.”

“How do you feel about last night?”

“I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”

“Just leave me alone.”

“This is, by far, the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”

“You’re not scared of the dark are you?”

“Oh god, I need a drink.”

“Choose me.”

“I’m not going to be sympathetic until you go to a doctor.”

“Thanks for helping me back there.”

“I haven’t slept in four days…”

“I want to go home.”

“I love that show too!”

“Get that thing away from me!”

“Do you think you can teach me that?”

“We’ve become the clingy couple that you used to complain about.”

“I love you.”

[vulgarcute]

Loss of Sanctuary || Jinx & Tomura

Summary: Jinx pays the price for her ignorance.

Warnings: Death, home invasion, public death, Tomura sees Jinx DIE I love this

Word Count: 1705

Jinx and the mysterious ladies are my own creations, Tomura Shigaraki belongs to the writers of BNHA.

Jinx always loved sunny showers, where the sun would shine bright enough for her to watch the drops of rain land upon the flowers in her windowsill like saints. Sitting near the window wrapped up in a blanket with phone in hand was its own safety. She couldn’t resist smiling, reading back through the text she had typed out. It was so simple, but talking to the person she loved always brought a red face and a sense of anticipation. 

‘Would you like to come over for dinner? (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ ? I’m making your favorite! Free food!’ Was the added joke too much? Would he be offended by her slightly snide jab at how frugal he could be? It was hard not to make a little comment every once in a while when he would react so cutely! She could just imagine him coming in all grumpy and letting her know it wasn’t the fact that her food was free that he liked. And she’d tease him by asking what exactly it was that he liked so much he came to eat in her humble abode. Her finger tapped against the send button and her heart leapt into her throat when she received a text from him in the same moment. 

Buildings away Tomura had been carefully crafting a message on yet another burner phone. He was hungry and craving good company. ‘Can I come eat?’ 

He just didn’t expect that the same moment he hit send Jinx would be sending a text of her own. But somehow it made him happy, knowing that she was thinking of him while he thought of her. A now familiar warmth spread across his cheeks and he found a comfort previously unknown to him. Then again, so many things had been introduced into his life after the two of them had met, when she took his hands and held them like sacred objects; unaware that she had just revealed herself to be a sanctuary. When the two touched; there wasn’t any itch. He could remember it all so clearly…

__ __ __

It was cold, the world was bustling with shivers and the way the sun had begun to set wasn’t helping. Tomura could feel every inch of his person tingle with the cold and while he had no particular reason to enter somewhere there was something in his heart pushing him towards a shop in the distance. It was curiously cutesy, and he just had to see what kind of buffoonery was happening inside for the outside to be so painfully coated in hearts. The promise of a free dessert that hung in the window was a nice incentive to make his way inside as the warmth and curiosity. 

Even the door seemed to carry a softness, the handle squishing just a little under his fingers with the rubber grip that made him wonder why it was even there. Then came the opening of the door, the scent of sugar cookies surfing through the air to envelope him in its warmth. And there she was, standing at the only visible oven in what appeared to be the frillier outfit he had ever laid eyes upon, and she looked like a home. He didn’t even feel himself stepping in and closing the door behind himself, a grin on his face that had grown from some sickly fascination with the situation he had found himself in. 

Jinx placed the cookies on the cooling rack before turning around, and when she realized someone had entered her sweet little café she couldn’t help becoming giddy in excitement. The distance was short but she was so eager to greet this stranger she had forgotten her sense of professionalism on the cooking rack with everything else she should have probably brought over. Her smile was warm like a blanket and wrapped around the man in front of her just as securely, “welcome to my shop! You go on ahead and sit wherever you’d like… but I do suggest using one of the blankets!”

Why did he listen? Why did he not his head and chuckle like a fool while making his way to the pile of blankets and assorted stuffed things and kick one away from where he thought would be most comfortable? Taking a seat he looked around himself, propping his feet up on the ottoman before him like a king in a cozy castle. Something about this place felt so… warm. He must have been going crazy from the cold. As if she were a mind reader Jinx returned with a warm plate of sweets. She set them beside him with a glass of milk and looked him up and down, “I’m Jinx Pinks and I’ll be your server today! And every time you come back. What about you? You look like a handsome gentleman with a handsome name.” 

It was little things like that he would grow to love, the little comments praising him and making him feel like he was loved. But in the moment all it did was make him chuckle as though there were a secret behind her words that only he knew, “can’t say, I think I’d scare you.” 

She laughed, and her laugh made his heart ache. It was like watching puppies or kittens playing with a new toy. She reached out, grabbing his hand and interlocking their fingers as if it were nothing, “come on! I promise I don’t bite!” 

There was a moment of stillness for him, watching her hand for any signs of decay out of a genuine desire to see it. But it never came. He felt himself jerk, pulling his hand away and scratching at the newly returned itch at his neck. She wasn’t crumbling, she wasn’t reacting, she wasn’t impacted. He stormed off, and she just put the cookies back on the counter in anticipation of his return. 

__ __ __

He never did apologize for pushing her away like that, his pride got in the way of any attempt. But Jinx would always forgive his indiscretions. Why wouldn’t she? According to her he was a Prince Charming. It was even the contact name she had for him in her phone. He didn’t have to text back to ask what time she wanted him there, he just knew to go in about half an hour so she would have enough time to do her thing. It was something that happened so often it was an unspoken rule of their relationship etiquette. Flipping the phone closed and slipping it into his pocket the bag in his other hand weighed a bit heavy. It was just a little gift, nothing big. Jinx had complained about how she couldn’t afford a new bear in a collection she was so very fond of and he just so happened to find one for cheap. A five finger discount, even. 

The distance to Jinx’s café was short, just a couple blocks from the convenience store he had been standing in for the past hour agonizing over a text in. As he approached he could see the window where his dearest was perched. Tomura had warned her so many times that such a place should be kept curtained closed so no one would see inside yet in that moment every ounce of annoyance was gone. She looked so peaceful, so serene as she watched the rain come down. And then… she didn’t. 

Jinx had been so caught up in watching the race of raindrops from the top of her window down that she hadn’t even heard the sound of someone entering her home. She didn’t hear the sound of someone coming up behind her. All she saw was Tomura down below looking like he was trying to warn her of something. She just smiled and waved, but then came a sudden feeling of an itching heat. She finally turned her head and there stood a woman she had never met, body stitched up like a well loved stuffed toy. 

Taking a deep breath she tried to push away the concerns, “you’re a hero, I suppose? I did hear you mentioned on the radio. A lovely lady like a doll with a few threads helping her stay together.” 

The woman laughed, sitting on the air as though there were something beneath her, “and I’ve been cleaning up the streets? Don’t tell me- you didn’t know he was a villain! You thought he was a normal man and had no idea he hurt anyone!”

Her voice was mocking, the laughter poisonously pompous until processing the genuine confusion upon Jinx’s face. 

“What are you talking about? I don’t know any villains. I do know a few vigilantes but the last time I checked vigilante justice was still justice,” no one she knew or welcomed into her home was ever violent! She was always surrounded by kind people such as Tomura, Toga, Twice, and everyone else she had grown so attached to since moving to the city. She knew there was something beyond what she had been told but she never did watch the news and during the short times she flipped on the radio it was for music rather than world updates. The world of heroes made her feel sick; it was so predatory of children’s dreams that she felt as though it itself was a nightmare.

The woman sighed, looking just a tad guilty for what came next. She was supposed to just take care of villain sympathizers to keep things balanced. Sure, it was a secret and some would say the very act of murder would make her a villain; but her resolve was solid. 

That itch grew stronger, and Jinx felt like something within her was coming apart. She felt tears pricking her eyes and her throat run dry. She lifted her hands to look at them only to see parts of her float away in the form of ash. Pushing what she could of herself against the window she shouted out towards Tomura her final words. 

“I love you, darling…” 

What could he do from that far below but freeze, staring wide eyed and without any idea of what to do but feel a growing itch.

[misunderstood-shadows]

Prompt List

Hey guys, I am up for writing requests for all my fandoms (Supernatural, Teen Wolf (Derek Hale only), The Originals (Elijah Mikaelson only) or Game of Thrones (Jaime Lannister only).

Here is a list I generates, please feel free to request multiple or ones not listed!

UPDATE: I have added in more that I stole from @persuasivus :) The new ones are BOLDED

Don’t leave me”

I have something to tell you”

I only have a month left with you so I’m trying to make it count.

I fell in love and now I don’t want you to go but it’s too late.

‘I’m already dead’’

I got you hurt so I completely cut off all ties to keep your safe

You would always randomly pull me up to dance or just gently hold me while swaying but now I’m standing here alone

” I mean I know I’m supposed to kill you but you’re kind of hot”

The First and Last Time (title)

“Not all love is gentle. Sometimes it’s gritty and dirty and possessive, sometimes it’s not supposed to be careful or soft at all. Sometimes it feels like teeth.”

“A soulmate is: Well, it’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person. Actually, they don’t make you a better person, you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soul mate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you’ll always love her. Nothing can ever change that. Make sense?”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“I swear it won’t happen again.”

“I’m not jealous.”

“You can’t keep doing this.”

“I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

“You can’t die. Please don’t die.”

‘’You did what?!”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

“Don’t ask me that.”

“I might have had a few shots.”

“What’s with the box?‘’

“Say it!’’

“I could kiss you right now!”

“Are you done with that?”

“Are you still awake…?”

“Excuse you?”

“This is all your fault!”

“I shouldn’t be in love with you.”

“I could kill you right now!”

“Just admit I’m right.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“That’s irrational.”

“Just pretend to be my date.”

“Are you really going to leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”

“When you love someone, you don’t just stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Especially then!”

“I think I’ve been holding myself from falling in love with you all over again.”

“I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore.”

“That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.”

“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”

“Can I sit here? The other tables are full.”

“You weren’t supposed to laugh!”

“This is, by far, the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

“These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

“Before I do this, I need you to know that I have always loved you.”

“Did I say that out loud?”

“Do you think they could have loved me?”

“Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“Have you lost your fucking mind?”

“His ego is so visible; I can almost watch it grow.”

“I am not losing you again!”

“I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“I had a nightmare about you and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“I just need to be alone right now.”

“When I picture myself happy… It’s with you.”

“I made a mistake.”

“I may be an idiot, but I’m your idiot.”

“I need you to forgive me.”

“I see the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking.”

“I think I’m in love with you and that scares me half to death.”

“I’m flirting with you.”

“I’m not good enough for you.”

“I fell in love with my best friend.”

“I’m sorry, what? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”

“I’m up to the challenge.”

“I’ve been in love with you my entire life. Ever since the day I first met you.”

“I’m yours.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to seduce me.”

“If you go anywhere near them, you’ll have to deal with me!”

“It’s okay to cry…”

“What do you mean? It’s exciting!”

“Talk to me.”

“Look at me—just breathe, okay?”

“Look, I don’t have much time, but I wanted to say I love you.”

“Oh my god! You’re in love with them!”

“Well, this is where I live.”

“We finish it the same way we started—together.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“You are the single best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“You deserve so much better.”

“You don’t have to stay.”

“You don’t know you the way I do.”

“You fainted, straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention, you didn’t have to go to such extremes.”

“You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.”

“You shouldn’t have even been there!”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

“You’re safe now. I’ve got you.”

“Teach me?”

“We’re in the middle of a thunderstorm and you want to stop and feel the rain?”

“Looks like we’ll be stuck here for a while.”

“Just once.”

“I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

“It’s not what it looks like.”

“I got you a present.”

“Hey! I was gonna eat that!”

“See, now, what that so bad?”.”

“You’re the best part of me.”

“I don’t want to think about what I’d be like without you.”

“Can I hold your hand?”

“Let’s move in together.”

“It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”

“What time is it?”

“Just wait a second.”

“Here, let me.”

“You’re so cute when you pout like that.”

“Hold me back!’

”I don’t care what they said, it doesn’t mean shit!”

I adore you.” 

Do I look like I give a fuck?

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my compassionate and forgiving nature! How dare you.

Me? Overreacting? Probably.

I used to be passive aggressive, but now I’m aggressively passive. Don’t mess with me kiddo. I’ll be right here. I’ll fucking forgive you.

A: What are you doing? B: Avoiding. A: Avoiding what? B: Everything.

This was impulsive. Probably shouldn’t have done it. WHO CARES?

You’re really cute and it’s ruining my life because I think about kissing you all the time.

A: It’s okay, I’m not mad. A (5 mins later): Actually? You can go to Hell.

I hate people who get personally offended when I’m in a bad mood, like ‘I’m not mad at you (name), I’m mad at the world!

A to A: Bitch, if you actually applied yourself in like…anything, you’d be dangerous ,damn my lazy ass.

I don’t know what I’m feeling, but there’s a lot of it.

Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.

That sounds like responsibility and I want no part in it.

Why am I better than everyone? Jesus, life’s hard.

A: How do you make someone holy? B: You beat the hell out of them.

A: I’m amazed of how insignificant we actually are. B: Not me, I’m important.

If anyone can do it, then someone who isn’t me can do it.

In the old days of one week ago things were different. Now look at us - slightly older than we were back then, other clothes and such.

I’m not going to claim that I know everything, I’m simply going to act like it.

You have to “see it to believe it”, so as long as I’m not looking I don’t have to believe in anything.

I’m visualising a powerful mystical energy at the moment.

If I don’t learn anything from my mistakes then I don’t have to consider them mistakes in the first place.

Why the hell is there always this one weak bitch in the group that isn’t down with murder? No offence though.

A: If you ever feel stupid, or weak, or powerless, just remember that I, am not. B: Thanks. A: You’re welcome.

I wanna do dirty stuff with you like farming.

A: What are you reading? B: 10 tips for beautiful hair the Government doesn’t want you to know. A: What the fuck?

A: I’m tired of these constant near-death experiences. B: (opinional) don’t be a whiny bitch, bitch.

God has a favourite comedy tv series and it’s called “my life”.

Sometimes all you can say is “yikes” and then just move the fuck on.

Why is everyone having their mid-life crisis at like 19?

It’s a beautiful day to give me money, honey.

Women aren’t complicated, you’re just dumb.

Well this social situation isn’t going the way I acted it out in the shower.

No offence, but my favourite hobby is staying hydrated and beautiful.

I’m actually pretty cool if you give me like 5 tries to get it right.

Today I’m feeling cloudy with a chance of sarcastic.

Be prepared to add a cute emoji next to my name in your contacts list because you’re gonna love me.

A: Babe, I’m not grabbing your boob, I’m grabbing your heart. B: That’s my right boob though. A: Babe.

Every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough.

What makes me feel like a failure the most is when I can’t remember the answet to a Harry Potter trivia question.

I hate it when I’m really nice…And then people are just not that nice? Like what the fuck.

Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.

Is your name candle? Because I wanna blow you.

So, was that just awkward eye contact, or were we checking each other out?

You know, having feelings is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch.

My turn ons? Well I don’t know, maybe some fucking common sense.

I may seem like an angry person on the surface, but deep inside I’m actually angrier.

I ship me and that boat.

Listen. I did mean to make you upset and I do think your opinions are shit. But you’re still my friend so it’s okay.

Because my two moods are like glitter and death.

My kink is closing the fucking bathroom door, because no one wants to see you fucking pee!

If I go to Hell I’m gonna constantly torture everyone by continuously asking if it’s hot in here or is it just me.

Oh my God are you seeing this shit?

Graduated top of my class from Hogwarts school of bitchcraft and misery.

A (shows up at your door 10 years after we had an argument): aND ANOTHER THING

I’ll betray all of you in the Hunger Games.

Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend, the dawning realisation that I fucked up real bad.

I’m a screamer. Not sexually, just life in general.

I’m not racist, I hate everyone equally.

Tell me I’m cute or something, so I can roll my eyes at you, but then blush when

I think about it later.

You know when your hair is greasy and it makes you feel so bad about yourself?

And your entire life. Everything is awful because my hair is greasy.

True love is having a crush even when he got a haircut you know.

Emotions? You know, I just push my tear back into my eye and tell it “Not now, you little bastard!”.

Are we gonna hold hands, or what?

My soul leaving my body, but with one of those slide whistle sound effects.

A: I love you. B: What if I got a bowl cut?

I should really stop planning my future around being rich or famous…but I can’t.

I’m aggressively thinking about having sex with you and trying to keep a straight face at the same time. Do you know how hard that is?

My opinion is no.

Did you fall from heaven, because so did Satan.

What to hear a fairytale? Once upon a time you weren’t such a little bitch.

Which is messier - my life or my hair?

How can you face the problem when the problem is your face?

Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to know what THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

Read a girl who dates books.

My hands are cold let me put them in your pants.

I’m sorry, you must be at least level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory.

My therapist once told me that I have this obsession with seeking revenge…we’ll see about that.

You have lips, I have lips…interesting.

Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?

[rylovesjaz]

Update some amount of months after I initially wrote this: I’m about to send this to you and I am scared shitless. I am somewhat excited, which sounds weird because it’s kind of depressing, but I’m glad I’m able to send it now. But mostly scared shitless. I feel like I’m a little bit better now than when I wrote this, so you should know that. You should also know that I’ve written you at least 20 other letters. I’m feeling pretty dissociated today, so that’s making this more difficult, but yeah. I hope this makes things a little bit easier to understand. I love you so much.

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So. I’ve been thinking about writing this for a long time now. I’m not sure how much time has passed tbh. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get the chance to send this. I don’t even know what I’m going to end up saying, but I’m going to force myself to say something because you deserve that much from me. You deserve much more, but this is all I can do right now. I guess I’ll start with what happened. I’m not shitting you when I say that I can’t remember. I can’t remember the last time we talked or what was said or even what happened leading up to it. I’ve been told that no one really knows what happened to me because I can’t even remember. I don’t even remember the last thing that I remember. I don’t know how far I can think back because my perception of time is warped. I didn’t realize how bad my mental illness was. I have depersonalization-derealization disorder and maybe dissociated amnesia, in addition to bipolar disorder, and some symptoms of OCD (which, thankfully, are rather mild). I added links so you can read more about the stuff, if you want. I might be fucked up, but I’m still a nerd.

Back to the bipolar disorder, it’s known as a progressive disease, so, basically, it gets worse the longer it goes untreated or gets agitated (i.e. by taking the wrong medication, like antidepressants). Looking back, I’ve had symptoms since childhood, so you can imagine how much time it has had to build up. I finally realized that I have been experiencing psychosis in the form of delusions (definition: These are false beliefs that are not based in reality. For example, you think that you're being harmed or harassed; certain gestures or comments are directed at you; you have exceptional ability or fame; another person is in love with you; or a major catastrophe is about to occur.) Apparently believing vampires are going to attack you at 12 years old is not a normal thing. And I experienced a mixed episode for the first time recently- mania and depression at the same time. Holy fucking shit, it was fucking awful. Manic episodes have also worsened- I’ll stay up all night without sleeping (like right now- it’s 5 a.m.), go all day without eating, and have self-destructive urges, like wanting to drink. I’m currently in a depressed mood, but I also feel numb emotionally, which stems from the depersonalization-derealization disorder. So even though I feel like shit, I won’t cry or feel any emotion, positive or negative. I can watch a funny movie, but not find it funny.

As far as my physical health, it’s eh. I finally went to an orthopedic and found out that I fractured my tailbone and it re-healed incorrectly, so I have to have this really weird physical therapy where the therapist basically massages my butt for an hour twice a week. It’s kind of painful, but hopefully it will help the tailbone/hip/butt/leg pain I’ve been experiencing for what I think is years, but I’m not really sure. I also have arthritis in my knees because I’m fucking old. Although sometimes I forget my age.

Some other random things: Music has been everything lately. If you want to listen to what I’ve been listening to, it’s been a lot of Halsey. So much Halsey. My favorites are Control and Gasoline. James Arthur’s new album is great (especially Train Wreck), Wrong by MAX, and Gold by Imagine Dragons. I’ve been listening to the same shit on repeat forever now. I hear so many songs that make me think of you. The ones I can remember are Let Me Love the Lonely by James Arthur, I’ll Come Back For You by MAX, and Let’s Hurt Tonight by One Republic- I just heard that one.

There was something important- okay, I just remembered it as I was saying that. I’m not on meds because I haven’t found the right one. The only thing I’m currently taking is sleeping meds. What else? I’m trying to get all of this crap out of the way so I can get to the emotional stuff. My counselor said that the symptoms of depersonalization-derealization disorder get worse when I’m alone, so I basically constantly have to be around people. I’m also not allowed to read very much because apparently my brain goes ah, yes, perfect time to stop being here. That’s also why I haven’t been allowed to get online and talk to you, or at least update you. Any kind of stimuli, like watching TV or scrolling through Tumblr, for example, lets me lose touch with reality.

Now onto the emotional stuff. I honestly just need to start by saying that I’m deeply sorry. I also believe that words lose meaning over time, though, and I’ve said it so many fucking times by now. I’m sorry for saying sorry so much. I’m sorry for doing stupid shit that requires apologies. I’m sorry for going back on my apologies. If you’ve left me any messages, I’m not able to read them, so I really don’t know how you are or what you’re doing or if you hate my guts. Every time I’ve laid in bed, thinking about what I would say if I got the chance to say something to you, one of the things that always stuck out was that I had to say that I didn’t leave by choice. And it’s not important because I think it will save my ass, because I don’t deserve forgiveness at this point. But for your peace of mind, I wanted you to know that even though I can’t remember what happened, this is the accumulation of multiple mental illnesses that have gone untreated for far too long. My love for you has not wavered- even now when I feel numb, my Jaz is in the back of my mind. I also realize that this is just a bunch of thoughts strewn together in haphazard sentences, so bear with me, please. The point I want to make is that I am still deeply in love with you. Part of me hopes that you’ve moved on just because I want you to be happy. And I know that might piss you off, but true love (to me) is loving someone so much that their happiness is more important than your own. But if you haven’t moved on, that’s okay, too. If I’m in your thoughts, I hope that I’m doing stupid shit that makes you laugh and being a pain in your cute butt.

I’m a little bit afraid to send you this tbh. I keep telling my head it’s just kitten, it’s okay. But you are not just kitten. That’s an insult- you are the kitten. You are my kitten. And I am scared shitless that this will only make things worse. That I will undo whatever healing you’ve already done. Healing you had to do because of me. I’m also scared that you’re going to be angry or even more hurt or disappointed in me or whatever. I hate myself so much for whatever pain you’ve experienced because of me. Even though I can’t feel the self-hatred right now, it’s always there. Anyway baby, I am so tired right now, I don’t think I can write anymore because I can’t seem to make words into sentences and sentences into paragraphs and paragraphs into enough to tell you how sorry I am and how much I miss you and how much I love you. I love you so fucking much. I think it’s even more important to say that I care for you so fucking much. I hope that we’ll get to talk soon. I hope that you’re okay. Please always be okay. I love you an overwhelming amount.