#But gosh it really is. So deeply sad. Both in terms of what could have been. What SHOULD be | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jmnjmnjmn · 4 years ago

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Celebrity crush | part 2 | JK x Reader x RM mini series

Pairing: Namjoon x Celebrity!Reader x Jungkook

Key words: christmas, celebrity crush, singer, idol.

Warnings: drinking, swearing, jealousy, slight panic attack

Word count: around 9,000

Writing this was something... There will be a part 3, there simply has to be... Please let me know if you would like me to write to endings - one for each ship. It is a lot of work, but I am battling with myself about doing it anyway hehe.

For a better read play yourselves those songs:

When I Fell In Love: this song is a loose translation of When I Fall In Love by Primary

Not Bothered: heavily inspired by It’s Okay If You Forget Me by Astrid S, but I imagine it sounding more positive and upbeat like Thank U, Next by Ariana Grande

Private lounge song: Spoil My Night by Post Malone

Inspo board

Masterlist

Namjoon exhaled deeply as the song blasting through his earbuds came to an abrupt end. He locked his phone and wrapped the cable around it before throwing it into the depths of his black backpack beneath his feet. He was in a car with Hoseok, driving home from a recording session.

“What is it?” He asked, glancing towards him. Namjoon looked at him cluelessly as the sound of his friend’s voice brought him back to earth.

“Huh?”

“You sighed so deeply.” He explained. “Something happened?” Namjoon smiled lightly and shook his head.

“No, it’s just- (Y/N) released a new song.” They both chuckled at the effect this girl had on him. “But- I mean- it’s a very dramatic one.” Namjoon added quickly as if he was justifying himself. “It talks very bluntly about ending a long term relationship and being more than okay with it.” Hoseok nodded with a suggestive grin. “It actually made me a little sad, but also… It got me thinking that…” Namjoon gave himself a couple of extra seconds before telling him what really was on his mind the whole time he was listening to (Y/N)’s new song. “She’s probably single right now.”

“Gosh, this is just too funny.” Hoseok shook his head, stopping at a red light. “You should ask Jungkook to give you her number.” Namjoon felt his cheeks going red almost instantly at the thought.

“No…” He murmured looking down at his lap. “Should I?”

“Yes!” Hoseok exclaimed. “It’s right there. Try or you’ll regret it.”

“Okay.” He nodded, trying to encourage himself. “I’ll ask Jungkook when we get home-”

“No, ask him right now!” Hoseok cut him off. “You’ll chicken out when we’re home.” He urged him, knowing Namjoon well enough to be sure that that’s exactly what would happen if he didn’t act right away. “Do it.” Namjoon took his phone out of his backpack and weighed it in his hand for a moment before unlocking it. He tapped on the KakaoTalk icon and drafted a long message to his group’s maknae. “Wait, what are you- just ask him! You don’t have to write an essay about why you want it. It’s not like he doesn’t know.” Hoseok laughed as he glanced at Namjoon’s screen where he already managed to type up a three paragraph text.

“Okay, okay.” Namjoon sighed, deleting the entirety of the message and replacing it with a greeting and a simple question. His stomach raised to his throat when he finally pressed the ‘sent’ arrow. As the lights changed from red to green Namjoon’s phone buzzed in his hand. “He sent it.” Hoseok smiled, patting his shoulder.

“You see? Wasn’t that hard.” Namjoon felt his head beginning to hurt as he realised what was supposed to come next.

“But… What do I write to her now?” He asked, totally clueless.

In the meantime Jungkook was sitting on the couch in the BTS dorm trying to put a finger on how he was feeling and why. Namjoon just texted him asking for (Y/N) number and he sent it to him without hesitation, but as he did it he felt something. A bitter fiery feeling inside his chest that he couldn’t describe any other way. Before he could stop himself he already typed and sent another message to his group’s leader.

“Why though?” Namjoon viewed the message instantly and replied within seconds. “I want to congratulate her on the new single” Jungkook cocked his eyebrow, reading the words on the screen.

He quickly typed (Y/N)’s name into YouTube and opened the most recent video. Nodding he carefully eyed the dance choreography and couldn’t help himself reminiscing the time they danced together. He opened KakaoTalk again, but instead of answering Namjoon he scrolled down his chat list stopping at (Y/N)’s and his selfie she still had set up as her profile picture. Involuntarily he smiled to himself as he started typing.

“You have been chosen!” Taehyung’s loud cheers echoed down the empty hallways of the BigHit headquarters as he shook on Jungkook’s shoulder.

Seven of the boys were on their way to dance practice when their manager called them into his office for a quick chat. It ended up as more of an announcement than a conversation since all of them were in deep shock after hearing what he had to say.

“I just received a very interesting call.” Their manager started with a mischievous look on his face. “It was from overseas.” He continued with the same tone, wanting to keep them in suspense. “A proposition of collaboration with Jungkook from a very popular artist.” The boys looked at each other with cluelessness in their eyes. “It was (Y/N)’s manager.” He finally stated, not being able to withhold the information for any longer. Jungkook widened his eyes at him. “She’s going to be putting out a Christmas single this year and wants it to be in collaboration with you.”

“Stop.” Jungkook told his friend off with a smile plastered on his face.

“It’s true you’re the one.” Hoseok chimed in. “She practiced with you, she asked for your number and now she wants you for the Christmas single.” He counted all their joint activities on his fingers.

“Such a popular guy. Jungkook’s in demand.” The group chattered teasingly.

“How do you do this, huh?” Taehyung asked, throwing his arm around Jungkook. His sweet smile quickly turned into a cheeky grin as he ruffled his hair. “You were just your charming self?” Jungkook laughed with the rest of the guys, as he felt his cheeks become hotter, minute by minute.

“I mean we talked. Once or twice.” He said, trying to sound nonchalant. Jimin raised his eyebrows at him.

“Once or twice?” Jungkook’s cheeks were visibly red by now.

“Twice.” He admitted happily. “Once in March and then she messaged me on my birthday, but I told you about that.” Jimin eyed his friends face with extreme interest.

“What did you talk about?” He pressed as they walked into the practice room.

“Well, first I congratulated her on the success of Not Bothered in March and we talked a bit and then she just wished me a happy birthday last week.”

“Gosh, I’m so jealous.” Namjoon whined, bending down to tie his shoes. He was the one that got the boys into (Y/N)’s music - or more accurately forced them to listen to it long enough they began to share his love for it as well. He was happy for Jungkook’s success, but he couldn’t help himself and felt a little bitter. “I mean a single with her is one thing, but birthday wishes..." He shook his head. ”That’s another level of familiarity."

“Your birthday’s in four days. Maybe she’ll message you too.” Seokjin joked, patting him on his shoulder comfortingly at which Namjoon chuckled.

“Doubtful.”

“Jungkook, ask (Y/N) to wish Namjoon a happy birthday.” Hoseok proposed with a laugh. “It would make his life.”

Tired after hours of going over different dance routines Jungkook lied down on the floor of the practice room panting. He brushed his hair back from his face. The hard feeling of the boards under his back got him thinking about the time he was teaching (Y/N) Boy With Luv choreography on the very same dance floor.

“Jungkook, your phone is buzzing.” Jimin called walking up to him with his phone in hand. He thanked him, grabbing the device. As his eyes met the bright screen he choked on his own tongue, earning a laugh from his friend. “Are you okay?” He asked, hitting his back with an open palm to help him catch his breath again.

“It’s (Y/N).” He finally croaked out. Jimin widened his eyes and squatted next to him.

“Guys, (Y/N) just messaged Jungkook.” He called out with excitement. “What did she say?” He urged him, looking over his shoulder onto his screen.

“Heard you said yes to my Christmas project.” Jungkook read aloud. “We’ll probably record in November. Can’t wait. Pink heart emoji.” With each word he read the boys made more and more comments regarding how lucky he was, how talented, how cool the whole experience was going to be and how happy they were for him. Even Namjoon, though still a little heart broken over (Y/N)’s choice, patted his shoulder with a sincere smile on his face. After a moment of staring at his telephone screen with disbelief Jungkook looked up to his hyungs from the ground. “What should I write back?”

From that moment on Jungkook and (Y/N) have been talking more frequently. It started quite professionally with her sending over information about the Christmas single and various samples of music and vocals. Within days though their conversations turned into long strings of messages with more of a personal note attached to them. Oftentimes when the members asked him what he was grinning about when staring down at his phone he would answer with a shrug, but after one more press he’d come clean, gloating about how funny or smart (Y/N) and showing them her messages.

“Saw you got nominated for BMA’s” Jungkook waited for the three moving dots to disappear before typing in an answer. Another bubble appeared on the screen and he smiled reading the simple message. “Congrats 💗”

“Thank you!! You too” (Y/N) immediately viewed his text. After less than two seconds another bubble from her came up on the bottom of Jungkook’s screen.

“💗” He smiled looking at the emoji she used with him so often. “We should meet when we’re all there. A little integration before we record next month 🎅” The smile on the boys face grew wider.

“Totally” He typed in quickly and chuckled at the answer she gave him.

“I’ll make sure my people set it up with your people 😉” He shook his head. She sounded so ridiculously famous.

“Can’t wait 😁” He typed back before locking his phone and reaching his hands up to touch his warmed up cheeks.

The black SUV slowly made its way down one of Los Angeles’s freeways. It was nearing two o’clock in the morning when it crossed the gates of a private estate in which (Y/N)’s house was located.

“Woah, this is crazy. Like from the movies.” The boys of BTS chattered between each other as they looked out the shaded windows of the car.

There were mansions left and right, long drive ways and high gates protecting whoever lived behind them. The car stopped and the driver rolled down his window. He said something to an intercom outside and the metal gate in front of the hood opened up, slowly revealing an insanely big house with a driveway the size of a whole parking lot, crowded with expensive vehicles. As the boys spilled out of the car a man dressed in all black approached their head staff member who just got out of the front seat. They chatted for a brief moment before he walked up to them rubbing his hands.

“You’re on your own now. We’ll head back to the hotel and pick you up when you call.” He explained with a thin smile. “Her security says she’s been informed of your arrival and that you should just go inside.” The boys looked at each other a little worried. Suddenly everything seemed so real and serious. “Go on. Have fun.” He encouraged them before getting back inside the company car.

“Ah, I’m nervous.” Jungkook sighed as the seven of them walked towards the front door of the house.

“Let’s be cool guys.” Namjoon said more to himself than his members. Inside he was trembling, but he desperately wanted to appear calm and collected in front of his celebrity crush. He took a deep breath before speaking up again. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“It’s like an american movie.” Hoseok chuckled when another man dressed in black jeans and a t-shirt of the same colour opened the door for them.

All of their jaws dropped when they entered the house. The walls seemed to go up for an endless amount of space until they reached the ceiling. The hardwood floors were so shiny they wondered whether they should take their shoes off on entering.

“Where do we-” Jimin started, but lost his train of thought somewhere in the middle of the question.

“Let’s just… Follow the music?” Namjoon asked unsure. The rest of the group nodded in agreement, but before they took more than two steps forward a small figure appeared in one of the doorways of the fourier. She smiled brightly as she walked towards them dressed in her signature look, oversized dress and thigh high booties.

“Hi.” (Y/N) dragged the word as she made her way to the group of boys. “It’s so great to see you, you.” She grinned opening her arms out towards Jungkook. Namjoon felt his heart break into pieces as he saw the shine in her eyes when she looked at the youngest of them. “Hi. I’m so happy you’re all here. Hi.” She kept repeating as she greeted the rest of the boys with hugs as well.

“Your home is beautiful.” Namjoon jumped in with a praising tone.

“Thank you.” She said, bringing both her hands to her chest. “I literally got here like fifteen minutes before you guys. The traffic- the whole event- well, it was hectic to say the least.” She stumbled on her words with a chuckle as she led them down a beautifully decorated hallway. “Some people are already here.” She explained gesturing to the open living and dining space where about thirty or forty people were hanging out in small groups. “It’s more of a low key kind of thing. It’s no concert afterparty.” She giggled, referencing the last party they attended together. She finally stopped in an area with a huge kitchen with white cabinetry and marble countertops and turned to face them, a sweet smile on her face. “I hope it’s okay with you.” They all energetically nodded and chimed some words of agreement making (Y/N)’s smile even wider. “Well, make yourselves at home. There’s drink here and the food’s there. I have to go be with my girls right now, but let’s definitely catch up later.” She let her gaze rest on Jungkook for a particularly long while as she was speaking earning a nervous smile from him. After exchanging see-you-later’s she joined a group of girls on the outside terrace grabbing herself a glass of chilled champagne on the way.

For the next hour or so the boys mostly stuck to themselves. They chatted with some dancers, some music producers, some people of whose professions they never heard of before.

“I’m kind of tired.” Taehyung told Jungkook and Namjoon as the clock hit three o’clock. They went to get drinks from the kitchen as the rest of the boys stayed outside by the pool. “Maybe we should go-” His proposition of leaving was cut off by some person’s loud shout.

“Yes! We wanna hear you sing!” A girl in a branded tracksuit exclaimed as (Y/N) laughed uncontrollably, sitting beside her on the big white couch. “Where’s the remote?” The girl dug up a TV remote from under the coffee table in front of her and turned the device on. After a couple of seconds she connected her phone to it and everyone gathered inside saw her look up ‘karaoke’ on YouTube.

“Oh my god, no.” (Y/N) chuckled covering her face.

“Come on, (Y/N). You promised you’ll sing.” Her friend begged jokingly until she finally looked up at her.

“Okay.” She sighed. She got up looking around the room at all the familiar faces when her gaze stopped at the boy standing by the kitchen island. “Taehyung, want a repeat of last time?” Suddenly everyone was looking at Taehyung, standing with his friends and a glass of red wine in his hand. He laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. “You pick the song?” (Y/N) proposed with a cheeky smile.

“Okay.” He finally answered and set his glass down on the kitchen counter to go join her in the living area. (Y/N) took out two hand mics from the cupboard under the TV set and handed him one.

“So, what will it be?” She looked at him sweetly.

Taehyung ended up choosing Ariana Grande’s No Tears Left To Cry. Their performance turned out flawless which got everyone pumped up and set the tone for the rest of the night. After the two handed their mics to the next tipsy person wanting to sing their heart out (Y/N) grabbed Taehyung’s wrist and pulled him to the side.

“I really enjoy singing with you.” She looked up at him. “I think we have great musical chemistry.”

“Me too.” He nodded as they walked towards the two guys he earlier left in the kitchen.

“Boys!” (Y/N) called out as she skipped over to them. “I realised I never gave you the tour of the place. You want to go see my studio?” Namjoon quickly swallowed his drink to explain her proposition to Jungkook and Taehyung, but it wasn’t necessary as they immediately agreed and nodded energetically. “Great, follow me.”

She walked them around a house with a drink in her hand telling them about the renovations she had to do in particular rooms. After about five or ten minutes of that they finally got to the studio she earlier mentioned. The space was big, combined of multiple rooms. One a recording booth with plush couches, another a writing room with expensive guitars on the walls, another a fully equipped dance studio and so on.

“And here is where we’ll be recording next month with JK.” She pointed to an empty side of the recording booth. “The equipment is being delivered.” She explained with a chuckle as the three seemed to look a little surprised.

“I can’t wait.” Jungkook smiled at her and she averted her eyes to the floor before continuing with the tour.

“And here is-”

“Your dance studio.” Jungkook interrupted her at which she looked up at him with a smile.

“Yeah.”

“I recognise it from the photos.” They stood there for a moment just smiling at each other, before Taehyung chimed in.

“Photos?” He asked walking into the middle of the squicky clean dance floor.

“I sent him pictures from here once or twice.” (Y/N) explained and Taehyung hummed in understanding for which Namjoon was deeply thankful, because it masked the heavy sigh that just escaped his lips. “We should dance something.” (Y/N) suddenly proposed with excitement in her voice.

“You and me.” Jungkook exclaimed, matching her tone. The alcohol made the nervous feeling rising up in his chest disappear. “Boy With Luv.” (Y/N) laughed running towards a computer in the corner of the room to turn on the music.

“I hope I remember the moves.” She took positions with Jungkook by her side in front of the floor to ceiling mirrors as the music started to play. They barely got through the first verse when (Y/N) stopped. “I can’t dance in these shoes.” She laughed, taking off her high heeled boots and quickly meeting Jungkook in the next move of the routine.

Taehyung chuckled and clapped his hands, sitting on the ground in front of them, watching the performance when Namjoon leaned on the wall behind them, looking sadly at the scene unfolding before him. After the song ended the three of them started freestyling to (Y/N)’s spring single Not Bothered.

“I don't feel sorry for myself or care if you're holdin’ somebody else. No, I’m not bothered. Ain’t bothered.” Taehyung pulled Namjoon in to join them and even though he wasn’t really feeling it he decided to try and pull himself out of this slump. “I don't feel empty now that you're gone. Doesn’t mean you didn't mean nothing at all, but I won’t get jealous if you’re happy. No, I won’t. I’m not bothered. No, I ain't bothered." Somehow Jungkook knew the entire choreography to the song and joined (Y/N) in singing the lyrics of the song. “From everything to nothing at all. From every day to never at all. But I’m fine. I’m not bothered.” As the speakers went silent the four broke into laughter intermittened with slight panting from the sudden movements.

“What’s the story behind this one?” Namjoon asked as (Y/N) passed them a bottle of Fiji water each from the glass fridge by the wall. The atmosphere seemed to have shifted as soon as he asked the question, but it was too late to take it back. She took a big sip of her drink before answering with her signature sweet smile.

“It’s pretty self explanatory.” She chuckled finally.

“But did it really happen?” He pressed before he could stop himself and she exhaled a weak laugh as she looked him in the eye.

“I wouldn’t be calling out such specific events if they didn’t happen.” She explained as she stretched her arms over her head. Namjoon nodded, knowing that one more question would probably be considered as crossing the line so he decided upon a compliment.

“It’s really good.”

“Thanks. I like it too.” (Y/N) took another sip of her water before nodding to herself. “It’s my own little self love anthem,”

“AH!” Namjoon exclaimed, dropping an eggshell into the pan for the third time this morning.

“Jeez, what is it with you?” Yoongi looked up from his phone at him. Namjoon just sighed, leaving his question unanswered.

The truth was he was too ashamed to tell anybody why he was so on edge lately. He dug out the shell from the pan and stirred his eggs furiously as he started thinking about it again, ‘it’ meaning Jungkook and (Y/N). Yesterday morning he left for a three day stay in the States to record his Christmas single with her and it drove Namjoon insane. He imagined them having a blast singing the song and shooting the music video together, laughing about how stupid he is for liking (Y/N) when she’s so obviously into the youngest member.

“She chose him.” He repeated in his head. “She chose him. Get over it, Joon.” He scraped the burned eggs from the pan onto a clean plate and stomped over to the kitchen table where Yoongi was sitting. “No wonder. He’s a better dancer and singer. He’s closer to her in age, he’s more confident.” He started spiraling into a pit of despair when Yoongi spoke up again.

“You’re taller though.” He said without even looking up at Namjoon from his phone.

“What?” He asked in shock. “Was I- did I say all that out loud?” He stammered in embarrassment. Yoongi just hummed as a response and Namjoon felt his face burning up. That’s it for keeping his jealousy a secret. “Can you not tell Jungkook about this?” Yoongi exhaled loudly, shaking his head.

“Wasn’t going to.”

“Thanks.” Namjoon answered, looking down at his failed attempt of scrambled eggs on the plate before him.

“But you should.” His friend added out of the blue. Namjoon looked at him with his eyebrows raised high on his forehead.

“What?”

“It’s obviously eating you up from inside that he’s spending time with (Y/N).” He explained, still scrolling through something on his phone. “You should talk to him about it or stop it altogether." Namjoon put down his fork with a sigh.

“How am I supposed to stop them?” He asked, hoping Yoongi had some brilliant idea ready for him.

“Not them, idiot.” He scolded him. He locked his phone and stuffed it in his jeans pocket as he stood up from the table. “Stop yourself from thinking about it. Make yourself get over it or something.”

“Oh.” Namjoon looked back down from his friend onto his plate. Though the sight of its contents deeply disgusted him he decided upon forcing himself to eat at least a bite or two. The jealousy that started raging in him as soon as Jungkook left for America made him unable to eat so when he finally felt hungry he wanted to stuff himself with something healthy. Hence the eggs.

“Honestly, Namjoon.” Yoongi’s voice was serious, almost as if he was warning him. “You have to do something about it. You’ll regret it if you won’t.”

As his friend closed his bedroom door behind him he left Namjoon all alone in the common space of the BTS dorm. He exhaled loudly, letting his shoulders relax and his arms fall down to his sides. (Y/N) seemed to have taken a sincere liking towards Jungkook and he couldn’t do anything about it. Not now at least. Now it was too late. He stirred his eggs lazily, feeling more hopeless than ever.

“Woah! I love it!” He heard Taehyung and Jimin chatter in the next room. “Send it to the group chat.” One of them exclaimed and within a second Namjoon’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and opened the message in the BTS group chat.

“A little teaser of the Christmas single.” The text beneath a video file forwarded by Jimin read. Namjoon pressed the white triangle in the middle of it and instantly regretted his decision.

“When did I fall in love with you? When did I start opening up?” Jungkook’s flawless vocals filled his ears as he watched him sing, standing in the middle of (Y/N)’s home studio’s recording booth. “Without hiding, without me knowing when I fell in love. When I fell in love.”

“It’s supposed to be a Christmas single, not a Valentine's one.” He scoffed to himself, knowing that getting over his infatuation with (Y/N) was going to be a harder task than he initially thought.

“She’s going to start posting the official teasers next week, the lyric video will come out on the first and the music video on the fifth of December.” Jungkook babbled with excitement.

The seven of them were having dinner at the BigHit office as they were busy with preparing for their group’s winter comeback. Their youngest member has just yesterday come back from his trip visiting (Y/N) in her Los Angeles home where most of the recording for her Christmas single took place and was now telling his friends about every little detail of the whole experience.

“I can’t wait for the release of the video.” He smiled brightly as the rest of the boys congratulated him once again on getting such a great opportunity. Namjoon just hummed in agreement with them, because he couldn’t trust himself to sound sincere if he decided to speak up as well. “Also she’s going to be in Tokyo in mid December.” Namjoon knew (Y/N) was going to be in Asia next month for the four-week-long promotional tour of her new album, but still his ears perked up at the statement. “And she invited me to join her during the live show to perform When I Fell In Love. Our PD says I should do it.” He felt his spirit getting crushed as Jungkook finished his sentence and the rest of the group erupted in words of surprise and praise directed at the maknae.

Looking up from his plate Namjoon noticed Yoongi giving him a meaningful glare. He quickly averted his gaze as he felt his head getting hot at the memory of the conversation they had not so long ago. Yoongi couldn’t take looking at his friend in that state any longer and decided to take the matter into his own hands.

“Ah, Namjoon’s handling this so well. Isn't he?” He asked nonachalantly. Namjoon looked up at him with wide eyes.

“Yeah, you always had such a huge crush on (Y/N) and wanted to work with her so badly.” Hoseok quickly joined in.

“If I were you I would be fuming with jealousy." Yoongi added, playing his part perfectly.

“It must be so hard for you, hyung.” Taehyung jumped in, patting Namjoon on his shoulder to comfort him.

“I’m fine.” He answered half-heartedly. The simple phrase proved to be enough for the five of his friends, but in one of their minds doubts started growing.

Jungkook looked at his group's leader, his friend of so many years, with a puzzled expression. He was so focused on making a good impression on (Y/N), so nervous when they were together that he totally forgot about the fact that it was Namjoon’s idea to go to her concert in the first place. He wondered if he really meant what he just said, if he really was ‘fine’. After all (Y/N) was just his celebrity crush. Everyone has one. He didn’t really know her, at least not like Jungkook did. They talked and connected, it was different with her for him he thought. They spent an awful lot of time together when he came over to shoot and record with her for her Christmas single. The romantic nature of the music video and the lyrics made it even more clear for him that he in fact had feelings for her. It also ensured him that she felt something towards him too.

Jungkook breathed in sharply and took another bite of his meal trying to not overthink the situation. The possibility of both him and Namjoon liking the same girl made him uncomfortable, but he wasn’t going to suppress his feelings because of that. He wasn’t a type to give up that easily.

(Y/N) sat in her dressing room looking in the mirror, watching herself become more and more perfect by the minute as her beauty team rushed around her, putting in her hair, finishing up her makeup.

“Three minutes.” Someone one the other side of the door called out.

For today's performance she was wearing the same outfit she had on in New York and Toronto, the same one she was going to wear in London and Moscow as well - a floor length, skin tight, white dress with long sleeves and a slit down the side. It was the look from the cover of her newest album, the one she was promoting with the four-week and five-shows-long tour.

“Two minutes.” Her new hair extensions were falling down her shoulders in long, lashcious cascades a couple of shades lighter than her natural colour.

“One.” (Y/N) tilted her head making them catch light and shine in the reflection.

“Show time.” She stood up from her chair and walked out the door onto the backstage where she had to greet several people she never met before and thank them for coming to her show. In those moments she really wondered why she didn’t become an actress, faking smiles and deep interest in total strangers was practically second nature to her at this point.

After that little show was over she walked down the dimly lit hallway to meet with her friends and dancers hanging out in the private lounge. As she opened the door she noticed one person she wasn’t expecting to see.

“Jungkook?” She asked, eyeing the boy. He was dressed in black from head to toe, his dark hair styled to fall neatly over his forehead. He already met everyone present in the room when visiting her in Los Angeles to record the Christmas single. “How did you get in here?” He reached to the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a lineard with a plastic badge attached to it.

“I have uh- special pass.” (Y/N) smiled, opening her arms as she approached him. Jungkook mirrored her movements and they greeted each other with a hug and kiss on the cheek as they always did. “How are you?” He asked, letting go. (Y/N) looked around her friends' faces with a slight frown.

“Honestly, I’m a little nervous tonight.” She confessed, biting her lip and instantly scolding herself in her mind for it. She was wearing matte lipstick and didn’t want to go through another makeup touchup before the concert.

“Why? It’s going to be great. What is it? You’ll be fine.” They all spoke silmunaniously and she just chuckled, looking down to her feet.

She couldn’t tell them, or at least not all of them. Some of the people surrounding her right now - her closest friends, her dancers - knew why she felt the way she felt today, but some would be shocked if she revealed the whole story to them since she successfully kept it secret for so long. As she lifted her head back up she put on another one of those fake smiles and reassured everyone it must be just regular stage-fright, but in reality she was just profoundly sad.

Today was her ex-boyfriend’s birthday and although in just two months it would be a year since their break up she couldn’t stop herself and went to stalk his Instagram and Twitter profiles earlier in the day to see how he’s been celebrating. The fact that he wasn’t much of a public person and used his social media accounts mostly for liking others' posts made it so much harder for (Y/N) not to blow up when she noticed the black and white picture on his timeline.

“Spending my day with my boo 💑 ilysm” She shook her head at the memory of the simple caption underneath a picture of two people kissing in some restaurant’s booth. She hated herself for letting it influence her so strongly. She felt angry. She felt sad. She felt jealous, not necessarily of him, not really. At this point she was jealous of everyone who had a partner, everyone who could post pictures of them online without millions of hate comments appearing within seconds of posting it or without it hindering their public image, everyone who had the ability to call out ‘honey, I’m home’ when entering their house without lying.

(Y/N) sighed deeply trying to relieve some of the tension still pent up in her body despite being on stage for the past forty minutes. Having the setlist memorised she knew what song came next. The lights went dark for a moment before all the screens behind her back depicted falling snowflakes and snippets of the music video for When I Fell In Love. The audience cheered in excitement as (Y/N) took her position in the middle of the stage under the blinding spotlight and started singing the first verse.

“You and I. Did someone stop the time? ‘Cause it feels like I’m a child and you’re the presents underneath, underneath the Christmas tree.” Jungkook stood backstage, gripping his microphone tightly afraid it might slip through his sweaty fingers. He tapped his foot on the floor waiting for a sign from the sound guy to walk out on stage and join (Y/N) in the chorus. “Don’t know when, but at some point everything changed for me with you and I don’t know when looking at each other became this little habit of ours.” He felt a pat on his shoulder signaling it’s Jungkook’s queue. He breathed out and brought the microphone to his lips as he walked out on stage.

“When did I fall in love with you? When did I start opening up?” (Y/N) outstretched her hand towards him and he took it. “Without hiding, without me knowing when I fell in love. When I fell in love.” The two of them sang, still mirroring the scene from the music video streaming on the big screens behind them where they played two people realising they were in love on Christmas day.

A couple of songs later (Y/N) walked off stage for a sip of water before the encore. Her beauty team gathered around her tweaking individual hairs and straightening up her dress. The crowd outside roared as the first notes of Not Bothered played, the last number of the night.

“Fighting, (Y/N)!” She turned around, searching for the source of the encouraging words. After a couple of seconds of looking around she noticed Jungkook standing with a couple of people whose faces she didn’t recognise. He had both of his hands up with his thumbs and index fingers crossed, making two tiny hearts. (Y/N) smiled weakly at the sight and nodded his way. She was feeling everything but ready to perform this particular song, but still walked out in a confident strut, surrounded by her dancers.

“I’m sorry I need a moment. (Y/N) breathed out as she walked to her dressing room, her beauty team and assistant right behind her. “Alone.” She added and closed the door behind herself. She leaned on it and slid down to the ground with a muffled sob. After singing that song she felt far from Not Bothered. She hugged her legs to her chest, digging her nails into the soft material of her dress, trying to calm her breath down, but she couldn’t. She raised herself up and paced back and forth around the small room, covering her trembling lips with the palm of her hand. After some time she stopped, looking at herself in the mirror. “Stop it, stop it.” She whispered, shooting an angry glare at the reflection. She wiped her cheeks with her hands and breathed in shakily, walking to the door to let her team in. “I’ll be fine.” She stated at the sight of their worried faces. “I just need a makeup touch up.”

“It’s official.” The sweet voice echoed through Namjoon’s ears. He looked up from his laptop in search of its source which he immediately noticed. “I’ll see ya’ll at Coachella.” Jungkook smiled fondly, looking down at his phone. “It’s official. I’ll see ya’ll at Coachella.” The voice said once again. The maknae tapped his phone’s screen twice, undoubtedly liking a video (Y/N) just posted on one of her social media accounts.

Before he could give it another thought Namjoon was already typing (Y/N)’s name into his computer’s search engine. He glanced over a couple of articles and pressed on the link taking him to her official site.

“Delight World Tour” He read a title written in a thick font of the colour of baby pink. Mindlessly he scrolled down already scanning his screen in search of his city’s name. “Seoul, South Korea - 16th of June - Seoul Olympic Stadium.”

*click*

Namjoon’s head snapped back towards Jungkook. He stood by the living room window with his arm outstretched in front of him to take a selfie. He quickly brought the phone back down and started typing.

“Hyung, how do you say- how do you change the word ‘delight’ into a verb in English?” He asked looking up at him. Namjoon froze in place, wondering why Jungkook was asking about that particular word. He didn’t have to wonder for long. “I want to message (Y/N) about Coachella. You know she’s like a headliner or something? So far I wrote: How delightful. Is that okay? I wanted to do like a little word play with her album’s name since-” Namjoon slapped his laptop shut.

“Delightful is not a verb. It’s an adjective.” He cut him off. “And yes, it’s fine.” He added standing up from the couch and storming away to his room.

He threw his computer on the bed and shut the door behind himself with a loud thud. Right as he did that he sighed and quickly opened the door back up. Walking back to the living room he noticed confused Jungkook standing where he left him, looking down at his phone.

“I’m sorry.” Namjoon mumbled, scratching his forehead. This, though definitely late, was a perfect time to come clean to Jungkook and tell him how he really felt about whatever it was that was between him and (Y/N), but he opted for an excuse instead. “I’m just tired.” Jungkook muttered some words of understanding, but Namjoon couldn’t really hear much sincerity in them. All he could think about was his jealousy. “Are you going to be seeing (Y/N) when she comes to Seoul?” He asked, trying to sound as casual as he could.

“Ah, she 's coming? When?” Namjoon had to use all his willpower not to roll his eyes at the boy.

“Yeah, in June. For the Delight tour.” Jungkook opened his eyes wider in realisation. He quickly unlocked his phone and started typing again.

“I guess I could ask her about it while I’m at it.” He said with his eyes glued to the tiny screen before him.

“While you’re at it…” Namjoon muttered under his breath and Jungkook hummed in question. “Don’t you think it’s a little too early for that?” He asked, hoping to plant a seed of uncertainty in his friend's mind.

“No, the sooner the better.” He chimed and looked at his group’s leader with a smile. “She says we should totally meet up.” Namjoon’s plan not only didn’t work, it totally backfired on him. He nodded and went back to his room, quietly locking the door this time.

The boys sat in one of those monthly meetings where their manager went over the whole schedule set for them for the next four weeks. Halfway through the hour-long sit down they were already feeling a little bit overwhelmed by the amount of appearances and live shows they have to do only the following week.

“And going into the second week of June, on sixteenth Jungkook’s attending Delight-” Namjoon involuntarily slapped both his hands on his thighs in sudden shock. “Namjoon?” The manager asked.

“Yeah- no- sorry, I- could- is- is Jungkook going alone?” He finally stuttered out. As he received an affirmative answer he opened his mouth again. “I- could- could I go as well?” He asked, feeling the blood rush to his face. The manager stalled for a moment before he finally let out a simple ‘yes’.

“JK and RM.” Jungkook chimed, raising his hand in a high five motion towards his friend as if they just landed a good deal together.

On the day of the concert both Namjoon and Jungkook woke up with big smiles on their faces. They both hummed to themselves while washing their teeth, their feet felt light walking on the ground and went through their day feeling somewhere close to invincible. It was almost funny. Especially, because the reason behind their positive attitude was also the same and that was (Y/N).

“You think she’ll have time for us before the show?” Namjoon asked, checking the time on his phone for the millionth time since they got in the company car.

“Ah, for sure. Last time we hung out in the private lounge for almost an hour with the dancers.” He answered nonchalantly. Namjoon looked out the window of the car at the long line of fans in front of the venue. He unconsciously sighed which didn’t go unnoticed by his friend sitting beside him in the backseat. “Just be cool.” Jungkook stated, glancing his way.

The youngest member of BTS walked the backstage like it was his own concert. He greeted people that worked the show, some dancers and some staff, he grabbed himself a bottle of water from a stand in the corridor. Namjoon just walked behind him, hoping his nervousness will magically evaporate once he sees (Y/N).

“JK!” Someone called as they passed by a half open double door. Jungkook stopped in his tracks and peaked his head inside the room.

“Hey!” He exclaimed and walked inside.

Namjoon took a breath before entering the room, unsure what he’ll be met with inside. When he crossed the doorway he noticed Jungkook side-hugging some guy in a baby pink sweatsuit with the name ‘Johnny’ embroidered over his heart.

“This is my friend from my group, RM.” Namjoon stepped forward ready to give the guy a hand shake, but he went in for the hug and kiss combo.

While his hyung was dealing with Johnny, (Y/N)’s close friend and one of her main dancers, Jungkook greeted other staff already gathered in the private lounge. He didn’t have time to introduce him to them though, because the star of the night, one and only (Y/N), showed up right after them.

“Hey!” She called out, dragging the last letter of the word.

She was dressed in the same outfit the rest of the dance crew was wearing, only she had her own name embroidered on the front of the baby pink sweatshirt. Her hair was down, falling over her shoulders in light waves that reached over her waist.

“The tag goes with your outfit.” She joked flicking the baby pink ‘VIP’ tag Jungkook had pinned to his shirt. He chuckled and she opened her arms to properly greet him with a hug, that in Namjoon’s mind lasted a tad bit too long. As they finally let go of each other (Y/N) turned to Namjoon with a smile just as sweet and sincere as the one she granted Jungkook with. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Namjoon answered smoothly, mentally high-fiving himself for coming up with that.

“Are you performing in this?” Jungkook asked, pulling on the sleeve of her sweatshirt, making Namjoon wonder if they ever partook in any more skinship than the hugs (Y/N) gave him.

“No.” (Y/N) chuckled, waving him off. They seemed to be so comfortable with each other, so innocent and cute.

“This is just for the backstage, silly.” Johnny explained and reached for (Y/N)’s pant leg. “It’s tear-off. Look.” He pulled on the material undoing a couple of the top buttons and almost giving both Jungkook and Namjoon heartattacks as a bit of (Y/N)’s upper thigh was revealed.

“Johnny!” She scolded him, slapping his hand away and pinning the pant leg closed again. “I’ve got like twenty minutes to spare before I have to go get changed into my real outfit-” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and shot Johnny a serious glare. “-and the same goes for the dance crew.” Johnny just chuckled.

The four made their way to the couches located in the center of the lounge and sat down for some conversation and chilling before the big show.

“How’s Korea treating you?” Namjoon asked as they made themselves comfortable on opposite couches.

“Honestly, it’s been lovely so far.” Johnny answered with a dreamy look in his eyes.

“I agree. Both this time and last time... It was great.” (Y/N) added. “I wish we had more time to explore though.” Johnny hummed in agreement. “Like, for example last year the only time I spent not working and properly taking in the city was when I went out with you guys.”

“Ah, we should do that again then.” (Y/N) giggled sweetly at his blunt proposition.

“(Y/N), 5 minutes.” Her assistant said popping inside the lounge quickly.

“Already? Damn.” She answered in confusion. “Time passes fast in good company.”

“Thanks, sweetie.” Johnny answered her, even though she was looking towards Jungkook and Namjoon who sat on a couch opposite from the one they were sitting on.

“Go get ready, Johnny.” She shut him down with a smile as the four of them chuckled at his comment. “Cheer for me.” (Y/N) said sweetly to the two boys as she stood up.

“Of course!” “Fighting!” They said silmutaniously, bringing a wider smile to her face.

“What time is it?” Jungkook asked. With his feet up on the table and a bowl of some candy by his side he looked like he was just hanging out in his own living room when in fact he was a ‘VIP’ guest on the backstage of (Y/N)’s Seoul live show. “What time is it?” He repeated his question as Namjoon was too engulfed in watching (Y/N) perform one of her sexier songs on the big screen in front of them to hear him the first time.

“It’s-” Namjoon looked at his phone screen.”A little after eleven.”

“Before I walk off this stage I would like to take a moment and thank some people.” (Y/N)’s voice echoed from the stage and through the speakers in the lounge. She had both her hands on her chest right now in a gesture of gratitude. “Thank you to all of you that came out tonight. This show is for you and you only.”The gathered crowd started whistling and cheering loudly. “Thank you to all the dancers and the musicians that are on this stage tonight. This concert would be nothing without you.” She gestured around the stage behind her. “And one more to all of the people working their asses off behind this stage. A round of applause for them. Thank you guys. Thank you so much.” She started clapping together with her fans. “Thank you, all of you.” She turned to the audience again. “I love you so much. I love you. Thank you.” The audience was shouting and applauding loudly as (Y/N) raised the mic back up to her lips. “This song is for all the girls and boys who just got out of relationships and need some good lovin’. Come on!” She exclaimed right before the first notes of Not Bothered started playing.

Tonight (Y/N) was looking to get drunk, in a respectable kind of way a famous person can get drunk and not lose their reputation. She walked into the club reserved for her concert afterparty somewhere in downtown Seoul in an intimidating formation - with her dance crew besties to both her sides. Her white sneakers shined in the UV lights of the venue contrasting perfectly with the black branded sweatshirt dress she was wearing.

“Six bottles of champagne, please.” She said to the waiter as they walked to the private lounge reserved just for them. It was a spacious room with a black leather couch shaped like the letter ‘U’ and a heavy marble table in the middle. Above the back of the couch hung a big TV screen and across was a venetian mirror, making it so her and her friends could watch the dancing crowd while remaining invisible.

As the night progressed (Y/N)’s friends, dancers, staff, ‘VIP’ guests came and went from the private room while she stayed seated at the bottom of the ‘U’ shaped couch downing drink by drink.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” She murmured more to herself than anybody else as she stood up and walked out the soundproof door. “Sorry.” She mumbled, squeezing through the corridor full of people to make her way to one of the club’s the bathrooms.

“(Y/N).” She heard her name being called by a familiar voice. Looking over her shoulder she noticed Jungkook and Namjoon standing awkwardly with drinks in their hands. Right as she looked into the first boy’s eyes an idea popped into her head.

“Hey, come with me.” She said, walking up to them. “You won’t be needing this.” She took the plastic cups out of their hands and set them on the nearby table. “Come on.” She grabbed Jungkook’s hand. “Don’t get lost.” She warned them and Jungkook grabbed Namjoon’s wrist as (Y/N) pulled him through the swarm of people.

In this weird snake-like formation they got to the top floor of the club where they could let go of each other and walk normally.

“This way.” She said chuckling and almost skipping as she led the two clueless boys to her private lounge. “Welcome to my little kingdom.” She said pushing the heavy door open and revealing a practically empty lounge. “Let’s drink together.” She plopped down on the couch. “Come on.” She encouraged the two as they shyly walked inside and took seats next to her.

It didn’t take much longer for (Y/N) to convince Namjoon and Jungkook to get pissed drunk with her. They started with ordering three half liter bottles of different flavoured soju, then came the bulgogi with tons of side dishes. After that they drank a whole bottle of pink champagne and ordered another serving of japchae, jajangmyeon and pepperoni pizza.

“I want to sing.” (Y/N) suddenly stated, her mouth full of delicious korean food she never ate before.

She stood up from the table and started meddling with the TV on the wall. After a couple of seconds of wrestling she had the remote in her hand. She sat on the counter of the table, her legs resting on the seat of the couch, eyes glued to the bright screen. She opened the YouTube app and typed in the title of one of her current favourite songs. As the music started playing slipped her sneakers off, still sitting on the table, body moving to the smooth beat.

“I don't have much to say, I'll be out front.” Jungkook pointed his arms towards (Y/N) and she stood up from the couch. “Won't you come spoil my night?” He joined in, standing up from his seat. “Feelings come into play-” She started walking towards the empty end of the ‘U’ shaped couch. “-and I'm thinkin' this happens every time.” She jumped down, joining the maknae in a purposeless dance, not caring that her white socks will turn black from the dirty dark carpeting by the end of the song.

They sang, danced, jumped around, twirled under each other’s arms, ran out of breath and laughed throughout the rest of the song. Tired from the sudden performance Jungkook fell back down on the couch, resting his head on the high headboard. (Y/N) slapped his shoulder so he moved to make space for her to sit next to him, Namjoon sitting across from them.

Jungkook took notice of how close she was right at that moment. Their thighs touched, her shoulder brushed against his as she leaned over the table to get her drink. He looked down at the bare skin of her legs, then his gaze travelled up over the black crewneck to her neck and finally her lips.

“Is that lip gloss?” His lips moved before he could stop himself.

(Y/N) turned her face towards him, her long hair extensions slipped over her shoulder.

“What?” As she looked at him with utter confusion he thanked all gods as he realised he spoke in Korean.

“We should order some more pork!” He exclaimed, still in Korean and looked at Namjoon for translation.

“Uh- he wants to eat pork.” The older boy said eying his junior with suspicion. Did his ears fool him or did he just hear Jungkook ask (Y/N) about her lip gloss?

“Isn’t this pork?” She asked, gesturing with her drink to one of the dishes on the table.

“Ah, yes.” Jungkook chuckled nervously and ran his hand through his hair. “Silly me.” He grabbed his chopsticks and took a big bite of the remaining bulgogi.

Jungkook excused himself to the bathroom with a promise of bringing up at least one bottle of soju on his way back. Feeling his stomach turn from overeating and blurting out stupid comments he walked out onto the corridor and down the stairs to the bar.

Namjoon looked at (Y/N) from across the table. She rested her head in her hands, her eyelids fluttered open and closed slowly as if she was trying not to fall asleep. She looked stunning to him.

“(Y/N)...” He muttered, not entirely sure where this sentence would take him.

“RM.” She whispered back, batting her eyelashes and finally opening her eyes up to look straight at him. “What?” She leaned her head to one side.

“Go out with me.” He simply asked.

It wasn’t that alcohol gave him enough courage to actually say those words it was more that it made him care little enough to try and risk the possibility of getting rejected by his ultimate celebrity crush.

“Like on a date?” She asked unsure of what he meant.

Realising he had to explain himself to her suddenly brought him back to reality. What was he thinking? Asking her out? Asking her out?!

“No, like for dinner. T-to hang out.” He babbled scratching his head.

“Oh.” (Y/N) leaned back onto the headboard behind her. “Okay, sure.” The sweetness of her voice gave Namjoon enough of a nudge to look up at her again. “But I only have time in the late evening, like really late, ‘cause we’re doing some- I have a photoshoot for- and a- ah, whatever.” The amount of alcohol she consumed made it hard for her to form a proper sentence without going off topic. “I have work all day. I can see you in the evening.” Namjoon nodded with a faint smile making its way to his lips. “I’ll text you.” His agreeing answer was drowned by Jungkook’s loud exclamation as he stumbled back through the door.

“Look what I got!” He called with a laugh, raising up two bottles of cherry flavoured soju.

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thetomorrowshow · 4 years ago

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Slower Than Words Ch. 22

First - Previous - Next

Hey all! It’s good to be back! The break was much-needed, but I’ve missed interacting with y’all. Have a relatively calm chapter!

cw: food

Weeks passed, and Patton realized that lip-reading was harder than he thought it would be. Patton practiced every single day, studying the diagrams in the book and taking down notes on everything. Remus had at first practiced with him by saying a phrase and having Patton guess, but they had quickly realized that it was too advanced at this stage. Now, Remus held up a notecard with a phrase or word and said it. After going through five different different notecards, Remus would start over again without displaying the notecards. This helped Patton grasp it much quicker, and he had advanced to picking up several words that his therapists spoke in everyday conversation.

Sometimes, when he felt really excited, Patton would mimic the diagrams in the mirror, making the mouth movements for his own name, Remus's name, and Virgil's name. He already knew what his own name looked like, he found—he'd been unknowingly able to recognize it for years.

Patton always had the same translator at his doctor and therapy appointments, so he asked her a few questions about lip-reading and speaking. The woman was able to answer, usually, but there was rarely any time to get into a conversation. The woman did recommend some online resources and teachers for learning to speak, which Patton passed along to Remus. Patton didn't really understand the whole online thing yet. Virgil had tried to explain it several times, but it didn't make a lot of sense. Where did all of the information come from? Who put it there, ready for everyone to use? How was it usable?

Patton had learned how to use the internet in basic terms. He knew how to look for something in specific on Google, and he knew that Youtube was a thing because Remus liked showing him videos from it. Youtube had captions, unlike the television. Patton had found himself watching a lot of comedy videos, sometimes writing down the best jokes from them. He had a cheap blue notebook that he wrote the jokes and his notes in, and he kept it under his bed, like he used to do with his journal back ho—back at the cult.

Patton had researched the cult briefly on the internet, but had quickly become upset at seeing his own face on the cover of one of the articles that popped up. He'd closed it after seeing that several of the scientists, as well as the two prophets, were facing legal charges. That was all he'd needed to know.

Well, not really all. He'd been looking for any mention of Virgil. The one he'd read had mentioned him briefly, if not by name, and was now written in Patton's notebook: Investigations began after the appearance of two young men, both of whom required immediate medical care.

One was Remus. The other had to be Virgil. That meant Virgil was alive somewhere. Patton wondered if Virgil too was reading the articles, seeing that Patton was out, wondering how to find him.

Gosh, Patton missed him.

Right now, Patton was following along with a video on tongue movements for forming different letters. He wasn't sure that he was getting the S quite right, he'd have to ask Remus later. He took a few more notes on how to do it, then folded his notebook closed and took Father's laptop off incognito. Remus had taught him how to turn on and off incognito mode with a little wink, and now Patton used it almost every time he was on the laptop, which was only while Father was at his second job. For some reason, Patton felt that he wouldn't be allowed to do this.

He was just in time out of Father's room for Remus to get home from work, shooting him a fingergun (Virgil used to do those all the time) before throwing himself onto the couch. Patton longed to shake his shoulder, ask him for help practicing, but Remus was always tired right after work. Patton wasn't sure what he did, only that he was trying to find something else that paid better, so sometimes he would be out for hours after he was supposed to be home looking for a new job.

Patton slid into his room, flicking the light switch to turn it off. He rarely sat in his room with the light on, it made him uncomfortable. It almost felt as though someone was watching, though he knew that it was just a response developed from a traumatic situation, as his therapist had told him.

He'd barely been in his room for thirty seconds when Remus wandered in. He gestured to his mouth, and Patton watched carefully as he spoke.

“You - - - - to eat pr - - - - -.”

“One more time?” Patton signed. Remus repeated himself, but Patton still didn't pick it all up, so he asked Remus to sign it.

“You need to eat protein,” Remus signed slowly. “Diet time.”

Patton wasn't particularly hungry, but a part of regaining his body mass and retraining his body to eat normally was eating six or seven small, 'enriching' meals instead of three big ones. Remus was right, Patton realized as he checked the clock—it was time for his protein supplement, a meal usually made up of beef jerky and peanuts. Yay.

The weeks turned into months, and Remus decided that it was time for Patton to get some real world practice. Sure, he'd been going to therapy and all, but those folks rarely talked to him. It was time to play to Logan's weaknesses.

He brought it up over dinner one night, when Patton had already gone to bed. It rubbed him the wrong way that Logan sent him to bed instead of letting him stay up and talk to his pops, who had only been home for ten minutes. Sure, Pat had a schedule or whatever, and he had to follow it to stay healthy, but it should be his own decision. Still, there was nothing Remus could do about it. Except maybe this.

“So, when's your next day off?”

Logan shrugged. “I believe I have the morning of next Wednesday off, but that's all for next week. Why?”

Remus twirled his fork through the cheap macaroni and cheese, pretending to not be too interested in the outcome. “Just thinkin'. Pat's almost out of books again, we should probably make a trip to the library.”

Logan smiled softly at the suggestion—or maybe at Patton's name. There was no telling with the man.

“And his therapist's been saying he needs to go to a new place for enrichment or something like that. Wouldn't—”

Logan's face had already shuttered. “Absolutely out of the question. I cannot—”

“Lo, he really wants to,” Remus pleaded, letting his fork fall to the table. “He's gotta get out of this house. And what better place than a quiet library, where it's easy to watch him and sometimes there's a cop hanging out?”

“Remus, I—I can't,” Logan said, his face still stone, but now his eyes had grown sad. “I cannot, in good conscience, allow Patton to be in an unsafe environment. If I lost him again. . . .”

“You won't,” Remus cajoled. “I'll come too, watch him be safe. Just imagine how much he'll love it! Father-son bonding and all that crap!”

Logan looked down at his plate, clearly thinking deeply. Remus could almost see him weighing the options in his head. Internally, his heart rabbited, but externally Remus was the picture of calm. Hopefully. Maybe. He was probably not, but he could dream.

“I'll consider it,” Logan said eventually. “You are correct in assuming that the library is a place I would very much like to share with him. Tomorrow after tutoring Andy I will stop at the library and inquire after safety precautions. By Monday, I will have my decision.”

Remus leaned back, picking his fork up again. That was as close as he was going to get Logan tonight. If he continued to push it, Logan would completely shut down the conversation and then there'd be no chance of getting Pat out of the apartment.

They'd been watching a stupid black-and-white movie a week or three ago, and one of the characters had said a line that Patton had obviously related to. Remus had looked over to see tears brimming after the old man on screen said, “I thought I was supposed to be getting fresh air. So far, I've been in a train and a room, and a car and a room, and a room and a room.”

That probably really sucked for Patton. Remus went stir-crazy in this tiny apartment, and he was able to leave whenever he wanted. Patton left three times a week, and went straight to his appointments and then straight home. One of his doctors had actually just switched over to doing virtual appointments, so Pat was only leaving twice a week now. Kid had to be going insane.

Patton felt a bit like he was going insane.

He marked a tally in his notebook every day, one for each day that he had been out without Virgil. It sort of was a continuation of his tallies in the cell, but he couldn't remember where he had left off, so he had just started anew.

He had just filled a second page of tally marks. It had been months since he'd escaped, even longer since he'd seen Virgil. Every time Remus tried to tell him that everything was going to be okay, or Father told him that everything was okay, Patton felt anger simmer in his stomach. It was not okay, it couldn't be okay, it would never be okay without Virgil. Even if he had to be trapped in this horrible apartment for years, it would be wonderful with Virgil by his side.

Every day, he followed the same schedule. Therapy exercises, meals at precise times, lip-reading studies, regular reading, bed at ten PM. It was terrible.

He couldn't help but feel excited, though. He was leaving, at least for a little bit! Father had asked him if he wanted to go to the library with him tomorrow, and Patton had thought his heart was going to drop out of his chest. Both Father and Virgil had told him about libraries, and how beautiful they were, and how many books were always there.

Patton was finally going to a new place, and it was the library. All of the anger he'd been feeling over the past weeks had washed away, replaced only with anticipation. Even with Father there, this had to be the best thing to happen in months.

Taglist: @enragedbees @gotta-love-alejandra @bunny222 @basiic-emo @patt0n-sanders @rosiepupper @fangirlgeekandfreak @dn-fan21 @that2000skid @remy-the-lemon-berry @itsadastraperaspera @xionbean @sanderssides-angst @hell-yea-we-gay-tonight @maybedefinitely404 @broken-pencils @thewhimsicallibrarytech @doomllily @hereissananxiousmess @judyismydog @arodynamic-enby @at-that-one-nerd @therapysides @awkwardandanxiousfander @thekitchenpan @im-an-anxious-wreck

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thetypedwriter · 4 years ago

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A Curse So Dark and Lonely Book Review

A Curse So Dark and Lonely Book Review by Brigid Kemmerer

My gosh, I feel like I have enormous feelings about this book.

So, I had seen this book for awhile bestow the shelves at Barnes & Noble and while it drew the eye, it also didn’t entice me right away. I must have read snippets of the backside summary a dozen times before I finally succumbed and purchased it when the store was having a buy one, get one 50% off deal.

Lame, I know.

That being said, A Curse So Dark and Lonely surprised me in a lot of pleasant ways and at the end of the experience it was a book I genuinely enjoyed reading, despite the flaws throughout.

First off, somehow, in ways that I don’t even fully understand, I did not realize that this was a retelling of Beauty and the Beast.

You might ask, seeing the title, the reviews on the back literally calling it a retelling of a classic fairytale, the summary itself, and the basic premise, how did I not realize what the true nature of this book was?

I genuinely have no idea.

I really don’t.

It’s so flabbergasting that I don’t even have a proper answer for you other than Beauty and the Beast was not my favorite Disney movie growing up and that I probably should have spent more time checking out what bargain books to buy before I laid down the cash.

Oh well.

That being said, retellings of classic fairy tales has been a fairly popular phenomenon in the YA literature scene (and popular culture as a whole, really) for the last couple of years and while I can see the appeal, it was never something that beckoned me.

I’m not a huge fairytale fan to begin with so a retelling of the original doesn’t hold much sway in terms of intrigue and buy-in.

If I had known what A Curse So Dark and Lonely truly was, I never would have bought it. Frankly, it’s a little sad because I genuinely would have missed out on a very fun and engaging read. Fortunately enough, however, my dumb actions actually paid off in good luck this time around.

The whole premise is exactly what you’ve probably surmised up to this point: an enumeration of Beauty and the Beast with some modern fanfare and twists and turns along the way.

Rhen is the current Crown Prince of Emberall, a country in some parallel world to the one that you and I currently exist in. With a series of twists, the main protagonist, Harper, is unwillingly hoisted from her homeland of Washington D.C. to the magical world of Emberfall, which unfortunately is not all that magical with a looming war on the horizon involving a neighboring nation, rumors of a savage beast that has wreaked havoc on the country, and a wicked witch that delights in torment and carnage to sadistic glee.

Soon enough, a high school dropout with cerebral palsy soon finds herself in the imaginary role as the Princess of Disi, an allying nation that has promised aid and troops to Emberfall and potentially betrothed to the Crown Prince, Rhen.

To make matters more complicated, Harper finds herself often in the company of Grey, the lone soldier of the Royal Guard and Rhen’s constant shadow, a figure she soon begins to trust despite herself.

With a war on the horizon, the ever-present threat of the witch Lillith, the haunting promise of the beast’s return, and evolving feelings, A Curse So Dark and Lonely is a lovely concoction of both fast-paced action, romance, humor, and fantasy. This whole book gave me a pleasant buzz from start to finish.

The plot itself, while recycled at its core, is fresh enough with the modern flare of Harper being from D.C. (Disi-this still makes me laugh), representation in the form of a character with a disability like cerebral palsy, interesting and complex relationships, and opposing enough with the threat of Lillith and future battles that it never seemed pithy or banal.

While the world building is...mediocre, I don’t think it was amazing nor do I think it’s awful, it’s a useful enough background for the characters and their emotions to take place, which honestly is the real focus throughout the entire novel (although the author did take some liberties by inputting in things like the castle automatically regenerating food-how much more deus ex machina can you get?).

Kemmerer’s writing style is also fine. Nothing groundbreaking, but also not writing I find abhorrent or even unlikeable. She comes across as a typical YA author to me in terms of her vocabulary, her figurative language, and her writing style.

The real focus, if you haven’t caught on by now, are the characters.

I genuinely like all three main characters quite a bit, which, if you regularly read my reviews, is quite the anomaly.

Rhen I find to be strangely complex. While he fits the mold of the brooding, arrogant prince that actually cares deeply for his people and his country quite well, I also found him more interesting than just the archetype of the royal son.

He’s surly, dark, and quite temperamental. While he does care deeply about his people, he’s often selfish and petty. Honestly, he shouldn’t be very likable at all, but it’s for that reason alone that I do like him.

I like that while he might be a good ruler he’s not necessarily a good person and I like the dichotomy and the conflict that implicitly comes with that struggle, a struggle often shown to the readers and the two other characters he’s closest with: Harper and Grey.

In addition, often in YA I feel like authors constantly feel pressured to make romantic love interests “perfect” which to me, translates to being stereotypical and boring. Very often my favorite characters are the ones who are flawed and complicated-just like Rhen.

Grey is also a character that I thought would be more simple than he actually turned out to be. I originally thought Grey was going to be the stoic, soldier type and while he is, I also really enjoyed seeing his lighter side, his sense of humor, his love for children, and the deadly loyalty that binds him not because of a curse or a spell, but because of his own stubbornness and dedication to the decision that he made and the refusal to break it.

I found this honor code fascinating and his adherence to it almost obsessive. His loyalty to Rhen is both baffling and intriguing and often it was the best part of the novel for me.

Which brings me to my next point: Rhen and Grey’s relationship is hand’s down the best part of this book. It’s a complicated relationship and, therefore, really fascinating to read about it. They have a serpentine history involving Grey being the one to let Lillith into Rhen’s chambers which sets off the whole curse business in the first place.

However, as Rhen says later on in the book, it was his choice to keep Lillith overnight and to pursue romance, not Grey’s.

There is guilt, blame, affection, loyalty, ownership, friendship, frustration, anger, sacrifice and more to their relationship. Their history stops them from being true friends, as do their roles as prince and guard, yet they are the only companion the other has for seasons upon seasons.

At the end of the day, Grey is all Rhen had for a very long time and it shows.

Their relationship was always so engrossing to read about due to its complications and its nuances. Very few YA relationships, especially that of platonic male friendship, gets even near the level of depth and grey (I couldn’t help this pun) area shown between Grey and Rhen. Their relationship alone is a huge draw for why I found this novel so captivating.

I did wonder for a while if perhaps there were more than platonic feelings involved, but I could never quite put my finger on the true nature of their relationship or their feelings towards each other, which I find absolutely amazing. Their relationship is messy and complicated, just like real life relationships are.

That leaves the third piece of the puzzle: Harper.

Out of the three main characters, I like Harper the least, but I do still like her. I like that she’s strong and tenacious, not in spite of her cerebral palsy, but in addition to her already present bravery and ferocity. She’s headstrong, stubborn, kind, merciful, and compassionate.

My dislike from Harper stems from the fact that she’s a little too perfect, especially compared to Rhen and Grey, who I found to be much more convoluted characters.

Again, harping (hahah) back to stereotypical YA, other than her cerebral palsy, I don’t think there’s anything in particular about Harper that makes her complicated, flawed, or especially interesting.

She’s a good girl willing to give it all up for a country she’s only known for a few weeks even though her mother’s dying at home and her brother is most likely involved in some kind of gang violence.

The best scenes with Harper are the scenes were she is struggling to choose between the two worlds and weighing her options, as at some points it does depict her as selfish and wanting to go home, even though she knows it would doom thousands of people.

But of course, this is all taken care of later when she realizes D.C. isn’t her true home any more and that Emberfall has become where her heart lies.

Lame.

Kemmerer made Harper just a little too pristine for my liking, which is why she ranks lower than both Rhen and Grey when on paper she is by far the best in terms of personality and character traits.

This especially grates on me when Kemmerer tells us that Harper is fantastic instead of letting us glean that for ourselves. I really dislike when an author tells me instead of shows me that someone is brave or kind or amazing or whatnot and I feel like there were enough instances of Harper being all of those things without having needed Rhen or Grey to point it out all of the time.

I also do feel like there is some weird shaming regarding things typically seen as “feminine” in relation to Harper and why that makes her “better.” For example, Rhen talks often about how no girl ever has ever done what Harper has done, like attacking him.

I’m sorry? You’re telling me that Grey has kidnapped hundreds of girls and not one of them before Harper tried to attack them? In any form? Really?

I find that preposterous.

Other instances of Harper being unique in this fashion is also sprinkled in, like how most girls apparently only care about the dresses and the jewels in the castle, but not Harper. Or how most girls would be crying from a scar on their cheek, but Harper is just upset that she misses her target.

I get what Kemmerer is going for, but these force-fed characterizations really bothered me and were the most irritating thing about the book.

Being feminine or caring about stereotypically feminine things like jewelry or dresses does not mean that someone can’t also be strong and brave and fierce. I dislike a lot of the subliminal messages in the novel in regards to that.

In terms of romance, again I have to ask myself when the trope of the love triangle will die. Perhaps it never will. Perhaps it will live on for eternity, forever immortal and present in nearly 90% of YA literature.

The love triangle between Grey, Rhen, and Harper doesn’t bother me so much in this novel as I feel like it isn’t truly focused on very much, which I appreciate. I understand that Harper has feelings for both Grey and Rhen, but her feelings make sense. I don’t feel like Kemmerer is just foisting a love triangle onto the readers for the sake of having a love triangle.

It felt somehow...natural.

In addition, most love triangles suck as they’re very one sided, usually in terms of the female’s POV.

In this case however, the love triangle is influenced by Grey and Rhen’s relationship, where the lines are very blurry and for a good portion of the book I thought perhaps they were in love with each other and Harper.

Frankly, I would have been ecstatic if this was the route Kemmerer had taken. Not many YA authors go down this route, but examples like Mark/Cristina/Keiran from The Infernal Devices and Niall/Irial/Leslie from Ink Exchange are actually the only examples I know from YA literature so this would have been so welcome and anticipated.

If Kemmerer had gone down the route of looking into a polyamorous relationship I would have been over the moon. I don’t think she is sadly, but polyamrous relationships are still so few and far between in YA that it would have been utterly captivating, especially as she has all the ingredients to do so.

Or, I thought she did.

Until it’s revealed at the very end that Rhen and Grey are brothers. Or, at least half-brothers.

Yeah.

It’s super unfortunate.

I’m genuinely disappointed that this is the route Kemmerer decided to take it as it seems so grossly safe. It’s almost like an intense male/male relationship can’t exist unless it’s romantic or they’re brothers and I despise that.

Hence, why I have also decided that I won’t be reading A Heart so Fierce and Broken. I want to keep the memory and the interesting relationships between the three characters as it is: interesting.

I have a very strong feeling that if I read the sequel that will all be shattered.

When all is said and done, I really enjoyed this book. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to reading it and I wasn’t expecting very much, but it met all of my expectations and more.

I am sad that I won’t be finishing the series as a whole, but I know that the direction it's going will only make me frustrated and annoyed and I would rather preserve the positive emotions attached to A Curse So Dark and Lonely than ruin it with a sequel that I know won’t meet the expectations I have.

Perhaps that’s unfair to say, and rightly so, but I know myself and I can see where the sequel is going and I’m almost certain that I won’t like it.

So in this case, I’m going to quit while I’m ahead and savor the moments I had reading this novel in all its fairy-telling glory.

Recommendation: If you love Beauty and the Beast, fairytales with a modern twist, interesting characters and interesting relationships set in a fantasy world where the music never stops playing and a savage beast runs rampant, than this book is calling for you.

I didn’t know that I needed this novel in my life and now I’m so glad that it is. Captivating from beginning to end, if you’re anything like me and a sucker for interesting romance and strong, nuanced characters you won’t be able to put this down either.

Score: 7/10

#a curse so dark and lonely #a heart so fierce and broken #brigid kemmerer #popular fiction #Popular Books #teen books #Teen Romance #teen fiction #book review #book blog #Book Recommendations #book rec #ya fiction #YA Book Review #ya book rec #book blogger

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letters-to-lgbt-kids · 5 years ago

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My dear lgbt+ kids,

I came out as trans half a year ago - and I decided that’s a good time to share my coming out story with you! Some of you have been asking about it over the last few months and I am now in a place where I can comfortably reflect back on it.

Before we start, I quickly want to say that this is not a “How to come out” guideline. The decision how and when to come out is deeply personal, there’s not the one right way to do it. What worked for me may not necessarily work (or feel good) for you. This is just my personal story.

The first person I “came out” to was my therapist. I put that in brackets because by coming out to my therapist, I also came out to myself. We talked about my issues and over many sessions, it just became clearer and clearer to us both that many of them were related to my gender identity.

During one session, I said something and he replied “If we cut off the “But” in your sentence, you just said “I am a man”. Have you heard the term transgender before?” and I just sat there like “Oh! Yes.That’s how I feel.”. It was just one of those lightbulb moments. I knew it before - but actually hearing someone say the word trans related to my experience just gave me the push I needed to allow myself to know it.

He offered to call me by a male name and he/him pronouns to see how that feels. I chose the name Oliver - and I loved it! It felt so much better than my birthname and she/her. And yet, I decided to never tell anyone about that. I would secretly identitfy as a trans man but I would just keep that to myself, I thought. I can be Oliver in my head and in the therapist’s office and be my birthname everywhere else. Easy-peasy, no need to make a fuss and actually come out to anyone, right? It’s just for fun anyway.

Well, when I look back, I knew it wasn’t just for fun. But I was scared how the people in my life would react. I was scared of having to make a decision - I felt like as soon as I told someone, I would also have to have a definite plan regarding medical steps and I wasn’t ready to even think about that yet.

But feeling so happy and euphoric about my new name only highlighted how miserable I felt with my birthname. During that time, I published my book and I couldn’t bring myself to put my birthname on the cover. I published under my new name - and it was bittersweet. I was so, so overwhelmed with happiness to see the name Oliver in my bookshelf... and it hurt so much to say “It’s a pseudonym, I just wanted to publish anonymously, so it’s a fake name” when that wasn’t true at all.

My therapist told me to take my time with coming-out, to not rush into it but I knew that I needed to come out, for my own peace. I reached a point where I felt like hiding it hurt me more than any negative reaction could. I didn’t really have a big master plan - my mother invited me to dinner and one of my brothers was going to be there and I just woke up that day thinking “Today I am going to tell them”. Looking back, I am glad I only gave myself some hours to plan and freak out about my plans. Otherwise, I would have had too much time to think and convinced myself to give up.

I actually had a therapy session that day, so I knew they would ask me about that. My plan was to wait for that question and then tell them that my therapist thinks I am trans. In case they react super negative, this would give me the chance to blame the therapist or downplay it and say “Yeah, I don’t agree with him”. Maybe that’s a bit cowardly and yes, I am an adult and don’t need my family’s permission - but I came out as bi as a teenager and it went horrible. It took a while for my mother and me to have a good relationship again after that, I didn’t want history to repeat itself. My family means the world to me, I was scared of losing them.

Dinner came, that question I waited for came... and I hesitated and ruined the moment. The conversation moved on and I didn’t came out. Oh gosh, I hated myself in that moment. I had that plan and just got too scared to actually do it. I had just convinced myself that I lost my shot and would not come out to them at all when my brother said “You look sad, is there something you want to tell us?”.

I actually started crying and went “I need to tell you something but please don’t be mad”. I am pretty sure I sounded like a 8-year-old who broke mom’s favorite vase! My family got really worried. I guess that, based on my breaking down in tears, they assumed that I was either dying or going to jail. When I think about it now, it’s ridiculous and funny but back then, I felt terrible.

I managed to say “My therapist thinks I would be happier as a man” during sobs... and my mother just said “Oh, then you should do that. Do you want us to call you Oliver, like on your book?”. At first, I thought that she was thinking I was just kidding and that’s why she reacted so calm. I explained that I am serious and told them about the conversations I had with my therapist. They stayed calm. My brother said he already had guessed that I am trans based on the way I dress and the fact that I published my book under a male name, so it wasn’t shocking news to him and my mom agreed. She had a couple questions (mostly if I would date men or women now, I told her it’s still both) - and that was it.

It went way better than I expected. Yet, if I could turn back time, I would change something: I would explain more. I feel like I should’ve given a little “trans 101″ speech, especially explaining why the new name and pronouns matter. She still mostly calls me by my birthname and uses she/her. It’s not that she refuses to call me Oliver - if I correct her, she will change it. I feel like she simply believes I don’t care about it that much. Maybe she doesn’t really see a difference between butch lesbians and trans men, too. I feel like I could’ve done a better job explaining it to avoid those misunderstandings.

My fear that they would instantly ask me about surgery plans did not come true. I wasted quite some time worrying about that and preparing what to say in case they ask - they just didn’t ask about that at all.

I do not regret that I kind of rushed into it. To be honest, I don’t even know if I did. There were only a few months between calling myself trans the very first time in my therapist’s office and coming-out - but it’s not like I never thought about it before. I feel like I struggled with my gender identity since puberty but I didn’t have the words or didn’t allow myself to connect the dots. To me, it doesn’t feel rushed.

I came out to more people since then. But this letter is getting too long, so I will end this with a final thought: My coming--out, both to myself and the world, felt a bit messy and I can name things I would do better if I could start over again - but maybe I would just do it exactly the same way. I’m incredibly happy I came out. It didn’t make all my problems go away but I do feel better emotionally, more confident. I like myself more now. For me, it was definitely the right decision.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

#lgbt #lgbt+

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jaceyneedsabetterusername · 5 years ago

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Curiosity

Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Jedi!Reader

Summary: You are a Jedi trained by Master Windu that is curious about understanding the Force fully, including the Dark Side, for greater good of all. Anakin is all too willing to help you on your journey.

Warnings: SMUT

Word Count: 4520

A/N: This is my first Star Wars fic ever so I’m sorry if it sucks but I tried! Enjoy!

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During a brief stop to Naboo, you found yourself sitting on the shore of a crystal blue lake. Fields of flowers rolled over hills for miles behind you and the mountains reflected in the water ahead of you. You inhaled the clean, fresh air, a nice contrast to the air in the cities you always seemed to find yourself in on Coruscant.

“Mind if I join you?” Anakin’s familiar voice asked you from behind. You glanced back over your shoulder to see him standing on the stone path behind you, his dark cloak billowing in the slight breeze. For the last several months, the man had come to make you feel things. Things that you were unfamiliar with and that made you uncomfortable yet yearn for more. You’d heard about this thing called love but your master, Mace Windu, had made it clear to you from a young age that romance was off limits to you as a Jedi so for so long, you’d completely pushed it out of your mind. But in the last year, Anakin had an effect on you. Something that pulled your heart, mind, and body to him. Perhaps this was the Dark Side trying to pull you?

With a warm smile, you shook the thoughts from your head, “Of course.” He stepped towards you before settling besides you on the ground in the small patch of grass. “It’s beautiful here. I wish we’d never leave.”

Anakin shifted beside you, looking over your face and admiring the way the sun shone on your skin and lit up your eyes. He loved the way you looked like this. Free and soft. You’d been raised in the order, like him. Your whole life revolved around being a Jedi and it showed in your typically composed, polite, strong demeanor.

“I know what you mean. Each planet has its beauty but there’s nothing like this.” He agreed, using all his willpower to not add but it’s not as beautiful as you.

You inhaled deeply and lied back in the grass with closed eyes. This was such a nice break. You lived, ate, and breathed being a padawan. Your entire life revolved around becoming a Jedi. While you loved the honor you’d been given, feeling that you could help so many people with your power, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander.

“Do you… never mind.” You began, about to let yourself reveal a thought you’d had that you felt jeopardized your whole life in the Jedi Order.

Anakin looked over to you with furrowed eyebrows, “What is it, Y/N? You can tell me.”

You bit your lip, wondering if you really could tell him. Would he tell Obi Wan? Would he go to the Council? But something deep inside you told you that perhaps he might feel the same.

With a shaky breath, you fessed up, “Have you ever thought that maybe they don’t tell us everything?”

“What do you mean?” He asked, watching as you sat up.

You picked the grass around you but avoided eye contact, just in case your suspicions were wrong, “I mean what if the Council doesn’t tell us everything about the Force? As Jedi, we’re supposed to help everyone but how can we help if we don’t understand everything? We are questioned and ridiculed for feeling emotions, flagged as hazards for being scared or angry. We have to take vows of celibacy and ignore lust or any romantic feelings. I even feel ridiculed by Master Windu for feeling happy! I feel like we vow to lose what makes life worth living just to keep possible temptation from the Dark Side at bay.”

You paused, knowing that your next words were going to be what tipped everything, “What if it’s all for nothing? I know we’ve seen so many people who’ve turned to the Dark Side become evil but what if it doesn’t have to be that way? I think that in order to truly understand and harness the Force, we need to understand all of it, including the Dark Side. Maybe it’s possible to harness the powers of the Dark Side for good.”

“It is the Jedi way to follow those rules and to fight the Dark Side,” Anakin explained to you and your heart dropped, your fears coming to light that this was a bad idea, “but I think I agree.”

Your eyes shot up to him in shock, “You do?”

He nodded, “I’ve heard stories of amazing powers harnessed using the Dark Side, powers that could be used for good.”

“Is it truly the Dark Side that is bad or is it just the people who harness its power?” You wondered aloud, looking over the lake as you pondered.

“Anakin! Y/N! We are leaving now!” Obi-Wan’s voice called you both from the top of the path.

“Yes, Master.” You and Anakin said in unison, heading back to the ship.

****

“Worried I am for your padawans.” You could hear Master Yoda’s voice clearly in your mind despite the fact that you were walking alone to your living quarters. It stopped you clear in your tracks and you couldn’t help the confused and curious look on your face. Hearing voices from seemingly nowhere was nothing new to you but this still took you by surprise.

No other words were spoken but you knew he was talking about you and Anakin and your heart raced with fear. You needed to know what was being said. If Yoda was speaking about both you and Anakin in terms of fear and worry, you knew it wasn’t a conversation had in public. You quickly made your way to the room the High Council held their meetings but stopped just outside the closed door.

Despite the fact that the door was closed, you could still hear a muddled version of their voices through the wall.

“I see the way they look at each other but they are young, Master. I will speak to Anakin today and straighten things out.” Obi-Wan tried to reason with the small Jedi Master but he was cut off.

“No. Not love am I worried about in them but the Dark Side.” Yoda stated bluntly.

“Master, since rescuing Y/N from Dathomir as a child and training her myself for over ten years, I can assure you that I have taken every precaution to prevent her from being tempted by the Dark Side.” Master Windu came to your defense with strong conviction in his voice. “Moreso with her than any other padawan I’ve trained.”

“I agree,” Obi-Wan chimed in, “And I know that Anakin’s strong emotions have always been a worry for the Council but we have been very cautious with him as well. I believe that if we push them in the right direction, we shan’t have much to fear.”

“We cannot babysit them, Obi-Wan,” Yoda nearly scolded, “Y/N is a very curious girl with very loud thoughts. She wants only to help people but believes she needs the Dark Side to do it. Questions the Jedi way, she does. And Anakin too questions. But he is driven by fear and anger.”

You tried to stay quiet as you listened in, unsure of what punishment would await you if they knew you’d eavesdropped on them, but you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Yoda could somehow hear your thoughts? Was that even possible? What did this mean? A million questions ran through your head but were interrupted by Master Windu speaking again.

“Then we will distract them both. Keep them in training or working with us more often. Prevent their minds from wandering anywhere except the Light Side.” His deep voice suggested.

“We can exaggerate the good of the Light Side and show them the dangers of the Dark Side.” Obi-Wan added.

“I fear it may be too late.” Yoda said in a low, sad tone.

“Have you seen it?” Windu asked. Gosh, you wished you could be in the room without them knowing.

“Whether they turn fully to the Dark Side, I cannot see. But I do see them giving into temptations that are not of the Jedi way.”

The momentary silence between the three men said everything and nothing at once.

“I see.” Master Windu simply stated.

“Then I guess we should do whatever it takes to keep them from turning.” Obi-Wan, as usual, sounded hopeful. It amazed you that he could always sound so calm, nurturing, and optimistic.

Feeling like the door was about to open any moment, you moved as quickly and quietly as you could down the hall. The entire time, you looked behind you, terrified the three Jedi masters would be heading down the hall in time to see you.

“Woah! Y/N, are you alright?” Your body came to an abrupt halt when Anakin apparently caught you from running into him by your shoulders.

Your eyes were wide, not believing that of all people in this building, you ran into him right here and right now. “Come with me.” You grabbed his robes right by the chest and dragged him to your quarters.

Anakin couldn’t deny that he felt odd going in there. It felt wrong. He’d never been in your room before and with his recent romantic feelings towards you made this seemingly innocent action feel criminal.

When he stepped in, though, he realized that your room was fairly similar to his. It was simply furnished with a queen size bed in the center of the room straight ahead of him. A large window occupied the wall to the right and a closet was open in the wall to the right. A small dresser and nightstand were also to be seen. It was a simple room with the exact same furniture that Anakin had in his. Your sheets were just a deep purple though whereas Anakin’s were black and the room was configured differently.

“What is it, Y/N? What’s wrong?” He asked, unnerved by your fearful expression and on guard.

You sat on the edge of your bed, “I overheard Master Yoda speaking with Master Kenobi and Master Windu.”

“About us?” Anakin asked, stepping towards you. He couldn’t imagine that they possibly could have known about your conversation on Naboo but what else could this be about?

You nodded, “They’re worried we’re going to turn to the Dark Side. I don’t know how but Master Yoda knows about what we were talking about.” Your mind kept racing, “And that’s not all… Master Yoda said that he sees us giving into the temptations of the Dark Side.”

Anakin looked serious, not that he didn’t usually, but this was different. If the Jedi Council saw you as threats, who knew what they would do? “He foresaw us turning to the Dark Side?” He asked, trying to process everything.

You shook your head, “Not exactly. He said he couldn’t see whether or not we turn fully. Just that we do something that’s not in the Jedi code. What do you think they’re gonna do?”

Panic began to rise in your chest as images of possibilities raced through your mind. Anakin hurried forward to sit beside you, a large hand coming to rest comfortingly on your cheek as he stared into your eyes, “Hey, don’t you worry about that. They won’t do anything. I can feel it.”

Your eyes were stuck in his. Gosh, you hated this! His eyes held such care and worry for you. They sparkled with strength and comfort but also with power. It was like looking into the ocean, powerful yet necessary for life. Right now, you felt like you were truly living when you were with him. And you couldn’t deny that the powerful energy radiating off of him was intoxicating.

“They said they’re going to keep us as far from the Dark Side as possible. To keep showing us the good in the Light. I know there’s nothing really to fear in that but… I just feel like I need to know. I need to know how to harness all sides of the Force. I know they won’t understand it but it’s for the good of everyone. If I could only explain it. I feel like maybe Obi-Wan would understand.” You felt like you were pleading your case when there was no jury deciding your fate. Anakin understood why you felt the way you did. He, too, shared your sentiments on some things.

He gingerly settled an arm behind your back, not quite touching you but enough to feel comforting, “I completely understand. How do you plan to go about learning about the Dark Side?”

You sighed, “Honestly, I never got that far. I always figured that I would never do it. That I’d be too afraid to break the Jedi code. But now… I don’t know. All I can think about are these restrictions and the fear that the Council has for us and I just want to show them that they’re wrong.”

“So you need a way to test the waters. Don’t plunge in fully and commit to the Sith or anything. Maybe you could try something small. I’ll be here to pull you back.” Anakin suggested, curious himself to see how this goes. He trusted you to be able to teeter on the edge without falling over.

You looked at him in shock, “Really? Right now?”

Anakin shrugged, “Why not? Here. Try starting with just allowing yourself to feel emotions. What makes you angry or scared?”

You thought for a moment. “I’m angry that the Council controls every aspect of my life but I’m scared of what will happen if I follow through with this.” The thoughts kept spiraling. All the “Yes, Master” “No, Master” nerfherder shit came into your mind. You hated it, always had. You couldn’t stand that your entire life revolved around what other people told you to do. Constantly! It was only what others told you to do! You were angry that your parents had been killed and that you’d never see them again. You were terrified of what would happen when Master Yoda and Windu found out about this.

Suddenly, you shook your head, “No, I can’t. I don’t know how to feel like this. I feel out of control. I need something that I feel more in control of.” The further fear you felt from your emotions sent an almost buzzing feeling through your body that originated in your chest. It felt like when you harnessed the Light Side of the Force but times ten. It was strong and terrifying.

Anakin put a hand on your leg, “Don’t worry, Y/N. You don’t have to continue if you don’t want.”

Your hands rubbed nervously on your thighs and you suddenly felt less like a Jedi than you ever had before. Jedi weren’t supposed to be afraid or angry but you felt both. But wasn’t that the point.

“What if,” Anakin started, biting his lip as he spoke, as if he wondered whether or not he should continue, “What if instead of anger or fear, you try to use sexual desire as a safer path?”

He had a point. You chewed your lip in thought, “You’re right. Maybe since it can be rooted in love or care for another person, there could be a balance of love and lust. Control.”

“Is there anyone you love?” Anakin asked simply.

Your heart sank. Of course there was but you couldn’t ask him to sacrifice his whole life’s work so you could pursue a path that could possibly lead you to destruction. You couldn’t allow him to take that chance. “Not anyone I can have.” You replied, a sad tone lingering in your voice.

Anakin almost snorted slightly, a small smile of his face and joking tone in his voice, “Well if you think in those terms, we can’t have anyone.” You chuckled slightly in response. You supposed that when you heard it from his point of view, it was an obvious statement. If only he understood what you meant.

“Maybe… maybe we could…” He started and you knew exactly what he meant.

“No,” You put your hands on his arm, “You can’t Anakin. I can’t let you sacrifice everything you’ve worked for for me.” Even though your mind told you that this couldn’t happen, your heart screamed for you to stop pushing him away.

Slowly, Anakin’s hand moved from your knee to gently hold your hands. Your eyes flashed to see his fingers holding yours gently but surely and then back to his face which was gentler than you’d seen it in a long time, “I care for you, Y/N. Deeply. More than a friend or a colleague. I know that I shouldn’t but I do. And if we act out of love then how can we be wrong?”

An unfamiliar feeling rose in your gut. “You love me?” Your voice was almost a whisper. “I think I love you too.”

You hadn’t realized until now just how close you two were. Anakin’s face was just inches from yours and your arms almost touched. His eyes flickered from your eyes to your lips, “If we act out of love then how can we be wrong?” His lips came to touch yours for the first time, gently at first. It felt like something burst inside you, a dam that held back all of your emotions. You needed him now like the flowers needed the sun.

His large hand came to cup your cheek gently before sliding to cradle the back of your head as he laid you back onto your bed, coming to hover over your body. The kiss became deeper and needier with every passing moment. You reached up and tangled your fingers in his long sandy hair, finding his long thing padawan braid and twirling it with your finger. You laid it gently over his shoulder with a small giggle. Anakin stopped, feeling your smile against his lips. “What?” He asked, amused by your actions.

“Nothing, I just can’t believe this is happening.” You admitted with an embarrassed smile.

Anakin’s deep blue eyes scanned over your face with utmost admiration, “Stars, you are so beautiful.”

Was this what it felt like to be loved or least admired? Your parents died when you were a young child on Dathomir where Master Windu found you and took you in, sensing your powers and needing to protect you from the dark influences on your home world. But even that wasn’t love. He was a father figure but it was more of respect than love. Now, feeling real love from Anakin, you think you liked it.

You reached around his neck and gently pulled him back down to you, reveling in the feeling of waist between your legs, his chest pressed against your breasts, and his lips against your neck. A quiet moan left your lips when his teeth raked slightly against that spot on your neck that made your toes curl. Anakin smirked against your skin when he felt it the way your body reacted and paid extra attention to that spot, sucking on it.

As much as you hated to, you pulled his hair softly, pulling him away from your neck, “We can’t leave any marks, Ani. They’ll know.”

Ani. He quite liked the way that sounded from your lips. He trailed kisses down your neck until your skin disappeared beneath your light tan robes that covered just below your collarbones. With cautious hands, he came to massage your breasts through your clothes. Your hands snaked down between your bodies to undo your brown belt and discarded it on the floor.

Anakin brushed the now loose fabric away from your body, leaving you in your undergarments. He leaned back to stand now, removing his own clothes before your curious eyes. Stars, he was gorgeous. Muscles stretched across his body in defined shapes that you couldn’t have imagined to be this beautiful. “You’re staring.” He pointed out.

“Sorry.” You shook out of your daze, your cheeks heating up from being caught.

He crawled back over you, snaking an arm behind your lower back and spinning you confidently to straddle to him. You caught your bearings, bracing yourself on his chest. Now you leaned down to kiss him, grinding your clothed core on his semi-hard erection beneath his underwear. A quiet moan fell from his lips, delicious music to your ears. His hands came up to grasp your ass firmly, kneading as he moved your hips in a steady motion against his crotch.

You closed your eyes, allowing yourself to fully feel everything, to experience the moment in its entirety and to allow yourself to get lost in the lust. You needed to stop holding back your raw primal emotions like the Jedi had taught you and give into it.

You thought about the way his hands felt on your ass, the sparks that each rock of your hips sent to your core, the thrill of allowing another person to see you like this, the sound of Anakin’s little grunts and hisses of pleasure, the way his hair looked strewn across your sheets.

Anakin pressed himself up to sit up, one arm supporting your lower back as you still rocked your hips onto him. He lowered his forehead to rest against yours, both of your eyes screwed tight as you panted. Suddenly, you felt his hand snake between your bodies and pull your undergarments aside, rubbing your clit. Your mouth dropped open in a silent moan, the feeling unfamiliar and amazing. Your hands gripped his shoulders tightly as you moaned out his name, “Oh Ani…”

His lips captured yours again in a kiss. You reached behind your body to undo your bra and allowing it to fall, your bare nipples now rubbing freely against his smooth, toned chest. The stimulation from everything drove you wild and you were almost embarrassed to admit how wet you were getting.

You rolled over again and Anakin pulled your underwear down for good, rubbing his tip between your folds, “Are you ready? We can turn back now.” He reassured, brushing a piece of stray hair from your face.

You took a deep calming breath, “Yes, I’m ready.” He nodded and slowly pressed into you, inch by inch, allowing you to adjust to being filled up.

“Oh my- you feel so good.” Anakin managed to choke out, using all his strength to hold himself back from busting then and there.

It didn’t hurt as bad as you expected, the stretch feeling better than you’d expected. It was an adjustment but after a few moments you held onto his forearm, “You can move now.” You urged, needing some sort of movement.

His motions started shallow and slow at first, every movement a new sensation. When you started moaning, though, he took it as a green light to move faster and deeper, not totally pounding into you, but definitely moving at a reasonable pace. “Ani, oh my Stars.” You moaned out, “You are so good.”

Anakin loved hearing the praise you gave him, using it as encouragement to make even more words of praise fall from your lips. He reached down to rub your clit yet again and within no time, you found yourself on the edge. “Ani, I think I’m gonna-” You couldn’t even finish your sentence, the immense pleasure building up too high.

Your walls clenched around him as you fought to stave off your orgasm and prolong this moment for as long as possible but Anakin had other plans. He sped up his movements on your clit and lifted your leg to rest on his shoulder, hitting a spot inside you that had you seeing stars.

With your eyes screwed shut, you were unable to see it happening but Anakin noticed as slowly things around the room began to float off the ground. The Force was strong in the room with you two. Even though he felt it, he knew that he wasn’t the one causing the objects to float but you, a new strength that allowed you to move these objects with such unconcentrated ease.

For you, though, the intense things you felt, emotionally and physically, were too much to even notice what you were doing. You were done for, unable to hold off anymore, and came all over his cock that still moved within you.

Anakin kept going, your orgasm rolling and rolling with his movements. Your body felt fuzzy and warm and right. Just before it became too much, Anakin came inside you, the warmth of his seed filling you with a completeness you didn’t know you lacked. When the stimulation stopped, the objects that you’d unknowingly been suspending in the air came crashing to the ground with a thud.

You dropped your legs from his shoulder, sitting up, startled at the loud noise. Anakin, who saw it all happen, though, was unfazed. He slowly slid out of you and lied on the bed beside you, regaining his composure. “Do you feel any different?” He asked, curious to know if this had worked.

You mentally scanned your body, trying to take note of everything you felt, “I feel… amazing. Unrestrained.” You rolled over to look at him, “What about you?”

He was looking at the ceiling at first but turned to you, “I feel powerful.”

Before either of you could further elaborate on the idea, there was a knock on your door, “Y/N? Are you alright?” Obi-Wan’s voice asked from the other side. You jumped out of bed and quickly tied your robes over your body. Anakin leapt off the bed and ran to your closet, closing the door behind him.

Readjusting your braids, you opened the door to reveal a concerned looking Obi-Wan, his hand readied just above his lightsaber, “Master Kenobi, yes. I am alright, just resting from training. Is everything alright?” You lied.

He looked into your room skeptically but noticed that things were in order with the exception of your bed sheets, but, if you resting, that wasn’t all that out of order. And yet, something still felt off to him. “Yes,” He too lied, “I just heard a loud crash from in here.” What he really wanted to tell you was that he was sure he felt the presence of the Dark Side but something within him told him to keep that to himself for now.

“I heard that too. It woke me. But I think it came from down the hall.” You gestured down the hall to your left. Obi-Wan was a skilled Jedi Master and you prayed that he wouldn’t see through your lie.

The older man bowed slightly, “Of course. I’ll go check down there. My apologies for disrupting your rest.”

“Don’t be, Master Kenobi. Have a good day.” Obi-Wan turned back when the door slid shut to your room but he didn’t continue to look for the noise. He knew exactly what he felt and it was no simple noise. The Dark Side now had a presence within the Jedi temple.

#star wars #star wars imagines #anakin #anakin skywalker #anakin x reader #anakin smut #anakin imagines #darth vader #may the fourth be with you

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acesgroupchat · 5 years ago

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So I've seen you discuss a lot about a lot of the characters in NIF and I was wondering what you thought about the magistrates? Primarily Shen Zhui and Cai Quan? I feel their really underated by the fandom bacuse they're neither pretty nor that engaged with the main cast besides Jingyan, but they're such good decent people and both honestly have some of the best quotes.

Hello Anon! oh man this is such a fun question. I agree, Shen Zhui and Cai Quan are super underrated in our fandom, but really just very fun dudes with a lot to recommend them. I wish we knew more about them honestly. I think you’re right that our fandom doesn’t produce a lot of content for them in part because we see so little of their lives and their connection to the other characters is so limited. They probably actually spend a lot more time with Jingyan than we see, because they fall under the “Jingyan, competent working prince” part of his life that tends to get montaged away in favor of MCSs schemes and various personal dramas.

Which is a shame because they are truly great!! What we do see of them speaks to two men who are genuinely kind, competent in their work, and actually quite good friends with Jingyan and friendly acquaintances with MCS.

They are also super interesting and dramatically functional characters, who provide important perspective on what it’s like to work in a corrupt system and keep your soul. I’ve written before about the way that the court under Xiao Xuan is kind of set up to make actual good work incredibly difficult, and one of the best things about NIF is the argument that it makes for rejecting the terms of abusive systems, and refusing to treat incompatibility with abusive systems as weakness. It doesn’t actually go full “abolish the imperial court,” which truthfully is what is called for but is just so wildly out of the genre and setting that it would break the frame (gosh that’s definitely not an argument I would have made two years ago).

We’ll start with Shen Zhui because he’s honestly my favorite dude: This is someone who has committed himself to doing the best possible work he can, as quietly as he can, and just accepts that he will pay the price for it. He’s not going to let that stop him from doing his job, which is courageous when it only means he’s going to remain a low-level bureaucrat in a vipers nest, but actually gets exponentially more brave once Jingyan taps him for #1 competent minister. This dude has a MASSIVE target on his back and accepts it with perfect equanimity. He literally has assassins after him and he’s still investigating corruption cases and interviewing witnesses with like four bodyguards max. His own people are like “please care more about your own well-being.”The only reason he survives act 1 is SHEER DUMB LUCK. If Jingrui hadn’t picked that day to get suspicious of his BIL he would have died in that alley.

Shen Zhui is not really a dramatic person, but he’s incredibly brave, and incredibly committed to his work. He’s the epitome of working within the system to change the system. It is SO CLEAR that of the three of them he was the only one actually in court for the Chiyan incident. Jingyan lost more, but he wasn’t actually THERE. He did not see. Shen Zhui knows that in order to do the most good he will have to compromise and be cautious and find workarounds and it does genuinely chafe at him (see: the moment when it looks like Prince Yu is going to get the disaster relief assignment and he wishes for lighting to strike him dead), but he does it anyway. Shen Zhui is in it for the long game, even when he must know that with his resources and his position there is no version of this where he “wins.” He will not be able to fix the system, but he’s completely committed to grinding out every bit of positive impact he can out of it anyway. There’s a definite nobility in that, and an endurance that is incredibly impressive.

Cai Quan is so palpably younger that Shen Zhui, and he brings such a different but still wonderful energy. I’m genuinely not sure if he would have survived if not for MCS and Jingyan’s desire to reform the court, because he clearly has such a hard time standing by while injustice is done, even small injustice. They aren’t even off the palace steps before he’s criticizing the emperor’s poor treatment of Jingyan, and that continues to be the theme of his character throughout (side note: what is with both of these dudes committing light treason while standing around on the palace steps?? how are you not both dead?). He’s also hardworking but he has none of Shen Zhui’s patience. He’s ready to shake things up! There’s a very real sense that he’s going to push the needle as hard as he can as fast as he can with the resources available to him. He’s very like Jingyan that way, and it’s very clear at the end of the series that Jingyan is going to rely on that energy and that impatience to ensure that things get done quickly. It’s also very wonderful to see the sort of mutual needs that get filled when they join Jingyan’s secret faction. He needs allies in court and competent ministers when he finally takes the throne, but they need him just as much. For both of them he is the way forward, that will let them make the difference they so badly want to make. It’s no wonder that they jump at the chance to support him when it means they can do everything they were already doing, but now with more support and also a friend!

These two are great because they are a sort of matched set in terms of the things that are actually needed to reform the government. Between Cai Quan’s passion and Shen Zhui’s endurance they have a real shot at making things better, and they function as really excellent foils for each other.

Also they’re just such fun people??? They are so clearly friends and that’s incredibly charming. They’re also so protective of Jingyan and it’s adorable. In Episode 47, when Jingyan is like “I’m not sad, why would I be sad” and then wanders off sadly, the look that they share before they try to talk to him is DEEPLY hilarious and very cute. Particularly Shen Zhui has very dad energy in the way he looks out for Jingyan. And frankly Jingyan could use some people who are just straight up regular friends without the high-octane weirdness of MCS.

#nirvana in fire #langya bang #shen zhui #cai quan #meta #it's been a while since we've had one of these #why are they always so LONG??#These three dudes really are just so great tho #man I need to do a rewatch #there are so many details I can re-appreciate #Anonymous

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royalreef · 5 years ago

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“ 𝐻𝓊𝓏𝓏𝒶𝒽! ” There’s officially 400 of you following my dear fish princess! When I started this blog, I never thought I would’ve gotten this far, but this community has been so welcoming and supportive. It’s truly been a joy to write with everyone, and I never would’ve gotten here if it weren’t for all of you encouraging me and my writing. Writing an underappreciated character, and especially with the amount of my canon divergence, brought me to always assume that I’d have a much smaller audience for it - and I’m glad to say that I’ve been proven wrong!

But really, I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere near where I am today without the sheer amount of creativity and talent already present in the rpc. Every day I am blown away by the sheer amount of work that is being put into blogs and muses both, and every day I am awestruck at the replies that I read! And you’ve been there through thick and thin, so I think it’s about time I give a little back and show my appreciation.

👑 The Low Royals

For those of you who have been with me the longest, who have seen the growth and fine-tuning, and even potentially helped me shape this blog into what it is now - I raise a glass to you! You’re all my good friends, and I can thank none of you enough. I truly do appreciate and care for all of you, though I might be bad at saying it. You’ve all made me laugh, and cry, and feel ten thousand other emotions, and I can only hope to support all of you the same as you’ve supported me.

Tam / @necrodanger / @ruiincd / @rebeljest : You have been here from the beginning, and for that, you are the first upon this list. Where would I be without your help? When my Miranda first started interacting with your Val, much like the princess not knowing how deeply she’d fall in love with the pauper, I did not know how such a wonderful friendship would grow between us. You have been through Hell together with me, and though I may stumble, I trust you. Your companionship has been crucial to so much here, and I can only hope that I have helped you grow as much as you have helped me. You are irreplaceable in your talent and creativity, and you know I look forward to everything you write, all that you draw, and every day that I get to chat with you over Discord. I can never thank you enough, and I am truly in your debt!

Jeremy / @grave-risen / @lioncovrte / @covenwtch / @amalgaemate : Jerm!!! Gosh, what praises can’t I sing of you and your excellent muses? Your characterization is spot on - there’s just such a warmth that you breathe into all of the characters you handle. They truly take on a life of their own in such a special way, with all the unique pitfalls and challenges that come with them! You have such fine little details that I love to see in each individual personality and your devotion to detail is to be admired. Likewise, you’re someone who I know I can trust, as that warmth truly spreads over into you yourself, and you’re just such a welcoming and genuine friend that I know I can just vibe with without any pressure. I really do love the plots we’ve done so far, and really look forward to seeing how Brian and Miranda handle becoming friends again. I may tease about him being a snack, but you know I’m here for all of the emotional curveballs you can throw at me!

Shorp / @pasttorn : I might be bad at chatting you up recently - but as always, you know I adore your Damien and all of the drama that he can cause! He’s a shit-stirrer of a muse, and you know I love the way you write, which together is just a perfect combination for a great time! You’ve also been around a bit longer in the rpc so you’ve seen some shit, and you’ve seen me reboot this blog and remake my lore. And for that, for sticking through as I went completely off the rails, I think that’s a pretty good summary of you! Chill, supportive, and sweet, a good pal all around to just vibe with and have some fun creative blends with!

Lola / @monstersmashed : AH... Oh, how Miranda loves her Marcus, and how I adore all the OCs you make! What kind of talent is it to be able to make so many unique OCs and have them all be so individual in such a way that really shows the quirks that makes each and every one special, and where can I get some of that? I remember Junie when she was much, much newer in the rpc, and I swear my adoration for what you can do with an interesting concept has only grown!! I sincerely love plotting with you and working out how your darlings can interact with my three disasters, and just absolutely a good friend all around.

Oli / @mindsmelded : OLI! I know you’re inactive right now (and honestly, I don’t blame you) but I GOTTA give you my love too! Every single reply from you just gets me EXCITED to read, with how you handle your muses! There’s just a passion and a flow to your prose that I love, and I truly admire how you can detail out exactly how each muse thinks in such a unique style that, even if you didn’t give a name or pronouns, you know EXACTLY which muse is responding! I admire you for that, and really that’s such a valuable skill that I want to master in my own writing too! You’re overall just such a supportive sweetheart who I can trust to talk to, and expect plenty of wholesome memes in return as a pick-me-up!

👑 The Middle Royals

Here is to all who I roleplay regularly with, but maybe don’t chat up as often as I’d like on Discord or through messages, or maybe just haven’t known as long as others. You have such excellent characters that I love to see interact with my fish princess, and I can’t wait to talk to you more! Some have budding relationships with your muse and Miranda that I can’t wait to see blossom into something complex and special all on their own, but all have just wonderful muses who I highly recommend you give a follow if you haven’t already! There’s a truly special amount of care being put into their writing, and I cannot recommend them enough.

Raz / @superbeaucoupdevisages : Honestly I didn’t expect to start to ship Oz and Miranda, but, WHELP, it happened!!! And I’m glad it did, honestly, because these two? Cute. Very cute!! With a whole lot of potential for angst and lore-exploring too! And really, I’m looking forward to it, because the way you write is simple and concise, which leaves it wonderfully IMPACTFUL. It’s short, sweet, and hits right where it hurts!! Which could honestly be said the same as you, as you know how to make your ideas known in as few words as possible. You know how to be there without the need for pretense, and sometimes you really do need someone to be there to get to the heart of issues, and for that, I thank you!

Hannah / @ciiclops / @bingemuscs : Probably the odd one out here as we have known about each other for quite a while, predating my reboot, but we’ve only recently really gotten around to chatting, which is a SHAME. I love just being able to infodump with you about my lovely, lovely arachnids, and Iris has always been such a charm to interact with!! I can’t wait to see how she might interact more with Miranda and how they might get along, as I’m really just a sucker for nerd and prep friendships (or maybe even something more) !!!

Zac / @collectathon : Can I just say that I’m super excited for your Zoe muse already? There’s so much to get into still, and she’s pretty new in terms of Miranda’s interactions, but I can’t WAIT to see what happens! Especially with all the ties Miranda has to the eldritch... Plus, I know to go to you for a good time, and I don’t think I’ll get over Miranda trying to frame Scooby Doo for arson anytime soon! You’re a wonderful friend with such a passion that I look forward to talking to more!

June / @preparetodie / @fullofschmidt : Is it bad to say I genuinely didn’t think much of Aaravi until I found your blog? Because I kinda did! But you have taught me to appreciate and love this fiesty AND VERY SAD slayer in a way I never have before, with such introspections on her character that I haven’t even thought about before recently! Similarly, your Vicky? STUNNING. She’s special in her own way, and honestly I can’t wait to discover more about her. Likewise, I’m looking forward to both of them learning more of Miranda’s specific secrets, and all of the fun turmoil that comes with that! (Plus, your art? So lovely!!! I might just have to commission you sometime!)

Hari / @warraigoe : I love! Your Damien! He’s honestly really funny, and sometimes even I can forget how lighthearted the actual tone of Monster Prom can be - so I think having something a little lighter is really good! Certainly, Miranda appreciates it, pfft! Your passion for writing really comes through, and I gotta say I really admire you going the extra mile to really get people similarly excited for something too! You’re someone who I really would like to chat and write with more often, if only my energy could pan out, because you’re honestly just that interesting! Good vibes, great times all around!

Josie / @galaxietm : We haven’t gotten the chance to write much together yet, but the amount of excitement I get from being able to write with you in the future is telling as to the quality that I’ve observed so far! You really do have just a smooth, chill demeanor to you that I can’t help but get really excited to be able to plot with you, and from what we’ve been able to do so far, it’s been looking really promising for things-to-come with Vera and Miranda! And from what I’ve seen of your prose? Similarly silky-smooth, flows as easy as a river, and just really something that I can’t wait to see more of, along with getting to know you more!

Nigel / @1-0-1-9 : YOU!!! Us meeting on Twitter was such a lovely chance meeting, and your friendship truly was a great birthday gift! I don’t show near as much love to your muse as I wish I did, because gosh you really do care about him and it shows! You’re someone who I could chat with all night though, and you bring up so many things I haven’t quite thought of yet! I really do appreciate having someone there who I can bounce ideas off of regularly, and you’re just excellent for that. You say you’re a dog in a human’s body, and tbh? I absolutely believe that with just how friendly you are!

Mori / @roskaarotta : Molly is one of those OCs who I can just immediately pick out as one of my favorites, with the amount of care you’ve gone into in making her! Your writing with her is a lot like how I see your art with her - absolutely soaked in a killer atmosphere that you can’t get anywhere else. I love how you took demons/angels and put a bit of yourself into them, and the character drama you write is to die for! I love hearing all of Molly’s backstory and really get a grasp of her personality, and you KNOW Miranda loves her Raccoon Wife!!

Rilli / @empatheticxangel / @marquisxofxlove : Speaking of which - YOU ARE ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF SOME OF MY FAVORITE OCs! Liam is such a darling, and you’re another big inspiration in me furthering my own lore! The amount of detail you work with for Liam is awe-inspiring, and I truly love hearing about how his world works and the history it has, alongside his own unique biology! The way you handle his powers is legitimately something I haven’t seen done before, and I think that really just goes to show exactly how much consideration and love is really going into developing him. Not to mention - you DRAW all your icons!! Like, DAMN.

Dani / @candyredmuses / @pxppinmolly / @bluemoonmuses : DANI. NERD. DORK. FELLOW MUN OF A PINK PRINCESS. I cannot say how much I appreciate you! And though we might not chat it up as regularly as some others (basically until I find a meme or song that reminds me of you) - you are on my mind!! Your work on character development CANNOT BE OVERSTATED. I think about Molly and your work on her so often, and she truly inspires me to further work on Miranda and put all the more thought into detailing her out! I might be a cryptid, but you can sight me anyday! (And bonus points for ALSO BEING A FELLOW HORROR-LOVER.)

👑 The High Royals

And here’s to all who I don’t know as well! Who I see on my dash or maybe have a thread or interaction or two with, but don’t chat OOC with that often or that Miranda isn’t totally established with yet! I see you, and I appreciate all that you’re doing and all of the effort that goes into your art and writing, and I look forward to the friendships and further interactions that can come of this!

If you’ve gotten this far and you haven’t been mentioned, then I’m sorry! You’re totally free to leave a comment or somesuch, shaming me for being as forgetful as I am, because you’re really all so wonderful, and I would love to shout everyone out if it weren’t for my bad memory! I love all of you so much, and I’d sincerely like to thank everyone reading this, for getting to this milestone together!

@vibinjustice / @rotaidevxr / @eoleolhan / @prsonatm / @stripedstrigoi / @lovsiik / @anxechoxinxhell / @vnemis / @bigveee / @multiipl / @moonmiissed / @woerended / @chainsxwsmile / @grandtales / @stcries / @yourfuturebcyfriend / @hoopsheartthrob / @xj-nine / @hellishmoth / @soupervillainpotage / @fatedcfied / @muse--menagerie / @hazbinvesta / @pinafcl / @dreamsugargirl / @hollowxport / @canisfuria

#rp promo #follow forever #monster prom rpc #mp rpc #Most secret royal advisor || OOC #Spawning of the Reefs || Promos #(( in case nyall wanted to know what ive been doing all day #(( also dear god i hope all these pings work

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letsperaltiago · 5 years ago

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we'll turn this better thing to the best

HAPPY MAY 15TH, EVERYONE!

Prompt #57: "This is probably a bad time, but marry me?"

This is just me not being able to resist writing something about Jake and Amy celebrating (or trying to) their 3rd anniversary as a married couple. This is also me, yet again, beating around that smut-bush, huh??:))

Jake and Amy try to have a sexy anniversary-morning, but Mac Santiago-Peralta has other plans

Read here or on ao3!

Nothing could ever come close to beating, even marginally, waking up to Jake Peralta already having his arms around middle in the lulling position that was spooning the length of her body like a perfectly fitting puzzle piece: a leg nudge in between hers while the other wrapped around them and his fingers mindlessly playing with the hem of her shirt.

The appreciation for the current state they were in was especially appreciated and heartwarming when it was taken into consideration that there’d been multiple, horrible parts of their timeline where he hadn’t been around to do so.

Everything from the sudden chaos of being sent into WitSec with Holt to him and Rosa being falsely convicted were periods they both tried to not think of and dwell on. But of course, given the powerfull impression these times in their lives had made on them, it was sometimes hard not to compare; hard not to feel that much better simply because Jake was around and not taken from her anymore. They always made sure to appreciate the other, even during eventual fights or disagreement, and if they had to say one “positive” thing about the involuntary distance WitSec and prison had forced upon them it was that it had definitely only made them grow even fonder and stronger.

So this year, another year of waking up in his arms on what she knew was an extra special day, she obviously felt crazy butterflies zooming around her belly and snuggled back closer into his hold on her with still closed eyes and a tiny content smile on her face.

This year’s anniversary had to be enjoyed for its small, tiniest moments, she knew. There was no time nor energy, they’d agreed, for grand gestures and outings when this May 15th all at once held the same special sentiment as previous year yet also a completely new range of feelings.

Today, for the past three years, May 15th had been a special date which held a dear place in both Jake and Amy’s hearts as it reminded them of the day that sealed their love for eternity. Although this year, their third anniversary, May 15th 2021 to be exact, was simply a tiny bit more special than usual: this year they weren't just the two of them - this year they had a teeny tiny son and he was as soft and sweet as he was time-craving and a tiny character of his own. Especially on a day like today, filled with an extra dash of love and reflecting upon the past, life before Mac seemed vaguely blurred: not in a bad way per se, just not as perfectly chaotic and wonderful as now that Mac Peralta was around.

Amy, still somewhat half-sleeping, quietly relished in her husband’s affectionate embrace and in the thought of having her entire world, Jake and baby-Mac, within the four walls of her home on a special day like this, but nonetheless also made sure to give some extra appreciation to the fact that Mac had been sleeping since she last fed him before bed last night. Considering the intense teething period he was currently going through that was truly a miracle she did not dare to fully believe in, but perhaps, just maybe, her little one could sense that it was mommy and daddy’s day today.

The feeling of her husband switching a bit in his spot against her back paired with a pleased sigh caught her attention hinting at the fact that he was surely somewhat awake, and though Amy wanted him to enjoy the tiny amount of sleeping in Mac they were currently offered, she also happened to crave his woken presence, deep brown eyes and loving smile.

“Happy 3 years of childish, distracting marriage…” as if on cue, having read her thoughts, Jake mumbled tiredly into the back of her head before reposition himself closer to have his head rest in the crook between her shoulder and neck nuzzling his nose tiredly into the side of her face.

Gosh, she loved him so much it still, even after 6 years together, came crashing down on her like a huge wave of giddiness and first date-feelings. She smiled to herself at his congratulations. “Dito. It’s been 3 great ones, huh?”

“It has..,” He yawned loudly, “… Especially when our son decides to sleep in like this.”

“Especially then, yes,” she huffed out a small laugh sharing the sentiment even though the fact that her baby very rarely needed night feeds anymore also meant he was growing up - too fast, if you asked her. Her barely 7-month old was wonderful and both parents had the time of their lives watching him grow up. Yet it was no lie that from time to time it’d hit Amy just how fast, almost by the day, her son grew, learned a new skill and became more of a an actual person. Sometimes even to an extent where it’d overwhelm her leaving her feeling borderline… sad? Even though it had been exhausting for the first few months, and still was from time to time, she also now kinda missed the little things like the ritual of breast-feeding. She loved sleep but loved the primal, instinctual feeling of nursing her son, even more the closeness that came with it, more.

“What time is it?”

Jake’s groggy voice snapped her out of her tumbling train of thoughts and forcing her to open her eyes to check the clock on her night stand.

“6 AM which means-“

Jake knew what his wife was about to say, but beat her to it and changed then and there somewhat narrative of their morning.

“Mac should be waking up anytime soon, I know but, babe, let him stay in bed till he asks to be picked up… Perhaps this is the morning we get lucky?”

Amy wanted to question what exactly that was supposed to mean but he beat her to it an said question was quickly answered by her husband’s warm lips sending thrills down her spine with the way they gently placed small, tender pecks to where his head had previously rested. Immediately she felt her body perk up in reaction to this and the heavy, tired feeling from before was gone within a matter of pecks. Alas, in the back of her mind, Amy knew and was still somewhat aware of three things:

One: where she wanted this to go

Two: where this could take them

Three: where her son was sleeping just 20 feet from their bed

“Jake,” the full-on whine that came out of her as provoked directly by his kisses was ascribable to two facts:

Firstly that, yes, she of course reacted by the book to her husband’s touches. But also, secondly, and if not more realistically, the fact that their sex-life had definitely simmered down for the past months - that’s what having a baby will do to you - and that it really didn’t take much for either of them, even less than before, to get foolishly, easily impassioned by the other’s intimate cues. One kiss, just a bit deeper than the casual peck, was apparently enough to throw all sense of control out the window.

If they used to be turned on by the other as effortlessly as faucets then they could now definitely be compared to gardens hoses playfully twisted by a kid’s hand as to block the water surge: bu with one move, the letting go of the hose, the water flow would pick right up where it’d been blocked within a matter of milliseconds and there was no stopping the powerful rush.

By then his hands, having previously rested on the soft remains of her baby bump that she tended to feel insecure about but he, on the other hand absolutely loved, had moved up under her night shirt only to continue to her breasts which definitely didn’t help her stay cool in the moment.

“Babe… ” she whined again even though she also definitely did not put up her strongest fight: she loved nursing her son, and although the two matters were far from comparable, she would also be the last one to complain about Jake benefiting from her breast in… other ways.

“… Mac is in the room.”

“We can be quiet,” his pecks had evolved into love bites and passionate suckles the minute his hands made their way under her shirt, and by now it seemed like they’d reached the point of no return - sleeping baby son only feet away and all.

“You know we can’t,” she breathed heavily voicing her gradual subjection to the development of the moment while simultaneously trying to stay aware of her surroundings. Alas in vain and only to come to terms with having miserably, doubtlessly failed the second Jake managed to flip her to her other side thus enabling him to push her onto her back and using his weight kiss her even more deeply than before.

“Well…” he chuckled allowing himself a short break from her lips to speak although, obsessed and addicted, making sure to pick up where he left up as soon as his talking allowed a natural pause.

“… Either that or we’ll have to explain to our baby son why mommy and daddy were making weird noises in bed.”

“Jake!” she exclaimed at this statement, the hypothetical scenarios in her head getting too real, causing Jake to react right away by pulling away using his arms to hover his weight over her thus allowing her some space and them to look get a proper look at each other.

Suddenly his before aroused expression was replaced by a note of concern in both his eyes and voice. “I’m so sorry! We can totally stop if you don’t want to go any further. I didn’t mean to cross a line.”

Amy herself paused momentarily, mostly out of surprise since their mutual consent, after having been in a relationship so long, was rarely explicitly verbalised: generally being very attentive of the other during sex and knowing the other’s body and signals so well they could easily tell when to stop and when to move forward. Unless they were straight up experimenting and treading unknown land, their intimate moments had rarely to never caused this kind of sudden halts. So seeing this extra considerate side of her husband, although she never doubted that it was there to make her feel safe, made her heart flutter momentarily reminding her of the feeling of Mac’s tiny kicks inside her womb months ago.

“Hey, don’t worry,” she reassured him by reaching up to run her fingers through his curls aka. an attribute of Jake’s which their son (to her very immense satisfaction) had inherited. “I know you meant well and I didn’t mean to proclaim like that,” she made sure to throw on her warmest smile and eyes to reassure him. “I was just being weary of Mac, but I think I need to allow myself some…not very mommy-like pleasure.”

He smiled letting her speak out.

“Also I just, like completely out of nowhere, remembered reading this article pointing out that babies this young won’t actually… ” she tried to form her point in her mind whilst her husband looked at her with an amused smile on his face “… like, they won’t be affected by it so, I guess we could…”

How come she all of the sudden, as a woman in her late 30s, suddenly felt like a silly teenager when talking about something as natural to them as sex?

“Honey,” he disrupted her internal spiralling running a hand through her hair the way she’d so lovingly done just seconds ago. He trailed and picked at it where was spread out across her pillow with his fingers as his amused grin took on a more comforting nature. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with, okay? Today’s date, and the fact that your butt will forever be the bomb, just got me caught up in the moment. But I totally get it if you feel weird doing anything with Mac around and you shouldn’t have to compromise that - even for me. It’s more than okay,” he lowered himself to peck her forehead before refocusing on her face and what she was about to say.

And how she loved him even more for always taking into consideration her feelings and reactions, even after 6 years together, but something about his strong arms flexing under his weight on either side of her head, his ruffled-up curls and already saturated, glowing even, pink lips made something in the back of her mind click. She quickly did the math in her head:

Mac was still an infant lacking anything near the ability to understand the nature of the sounds his parents were making and the concept of sex. He was feet away, safe in his crib with no direct outlook on them, and all of this was not even taking into consideration that he was still fast asleep. It was now or never - or so it felt like.

“Jacob Santiago-Peralta,” her eyes suddenly switched to a shade of dark, almost black, brown Jake hadn’t seen in quite a while immediately causing more than just his eyes to bulge. “We’re definitely inaugurating our third year as a married couple and we’re doing it now.”

And seeing a more than convincing look on his wife’s face Jake didn’t have to be told twice before crashing their lips together, resuming him repositioning himself between his wife’s thighs to give her sacred body, the one that carried their son for 9 months, the love it so very much and rightfully deserved.

Within minutes the very limited pieces of clothing they slept in were discarded, thrown carelessly onto the bedroom floor as if they were discovering each other for the first time, and after a reasonable amount of foreplay (mostly timewise since Mac waking up was just a matter of minutes) Jake painted a trail of sloppy kisses along his wife’s sleek collarbone as he, after a lot of shifting and moving around during preceding sexy actives, repositioned himself one last time.

Under the weight and spell of his naked body, physically and metaphorically, Amy was desperately writhing having thrown all sense of control and modesty out the window a long time ago and grasped onto his upper back in a demand for more and an urge she’d put aside so many times these past months for the sake of dedication to being a mother.

“God, please don’t laugh at me when I definitely, ‘cause I will, finish within 5 minutes,” she finished her sentence with a moan as he bit down on the skin spurring her collar bones. Perhaps 5 minutes was even an optimistic exaggeration when her body already felt on the urge of exploding and he hadn’t even entered her yet.

She could tell her very honest comment earned her a soft chuckle, but she was too far gone and caught up in a whirlwind of pleasure to care plus, even if it would only last minutes, she just needed her husband inside of her now.

“5 minutes sound incredible, Ames,” he breathed out frankly not even minding the fact that their before very vigorous stamina had definitely gone downhill since having Mac. Instead he simply appreciated his favorite feeling in the world which, since the day he got to feel it for the first time, was the one of Amy Santiago wrapped around him.

Though he would never give it up permanently for anything in the world, even incredible sex with his incredible wife, he was just as excited as her to slip out of his father-role for what would probably end up being just a matter of 20 minutes in total or so. He was breathing heavily, growling, as he redirected his lips to hers where he hoped to, although the method had been proven faulty before, quell her upcoming sounds of pleasure.

“I love you,” she claimed out of breath bracing herself for the wonderful stretch she knew was approaching by the second.

“Love you too,” he sloppily replied between kisses. “So much,” was added in closing of the exchange of words of love as he braced and steadied himself for the initial thrust.

Then, planted so horribly perfectly that they could’ve sworn they were taking part in a movie, a cry cut through the thick intimate tension without delay bursting the bubble Jake and Amy had formed around themselves in the heat of the moment.

Becoming a parent came with the incredible ability to completely switch your focus within matter of seconds and thus react to whatever need your baby called out for. Right then and there was a perfect example, and though picking up where they’d come to, which was so close, seemed dangerously tempting they both knew there was no way they were actually going there.

They were a married couple wanting to celebrate each other and their love, yes, but first and foremost, even more importantly, they were parents.

Jake carefully bent his arms not needing the leverage anymore and lowered himself onto his wife before rolling onto his back besides her. Both started blankly into the air for second, almost unknowingly recreating the scene after their first time together, not saying anything but burning with repressed lust on the inside.

Then they broke into a collective chuckle.

Amy turned onto her side to look at her husband’s profile, taking it in before he imitated her action and they were left staring into each other’s eyes with knowing, amused expressions.

This was really their life now and though not always as easy as being “just married” it was definitely the life they’d always wished for and felt blessed to have. The irony of it all which existed in the clash between their love and physical yearning for each other, and their shared responsibility and love for their son, interruptions considered, was all at once humorous and tragic. But even then they had no doubt in their minds: their love for each other was unbreakable and celebrating their three years of marriage with their so very loved son interrupting much needed sex was still collectively considered somewhat perfect.

Nothing could ever take away the melting feeling she still got whenever Jake looked at her like he did now, so calm and in love, and knowing he now also shared that look with their son still reminded her of a surreal, perfect dream. He had so much love for the both of them: so much that she was sometimes convinced of the fact that it couldn’t be real. But then times like these reminded her of the fact that it was indeed very much so and that she would marry him all over again if she was given the chance.

The fussy sounds coming from the crib increased by the second and Jake knew that the second either of them decided to get up for their son, which would be sooner than later, this tiny bubble of an amorous moment would be gone. And so he decided to just go with what felt appropriate because, really and truly, looking at her right now he felt as if he could marry her all over again.

“I know our baby is screaming for attention, and that he needs it more than me and that this is probably a bad time but… marry me?” He smiled widely running a hand through her tousled hair earning him a just as wide smile of appreciation and adoration back.

She leaned in and offered him a kiss, long and tender but controlled as she knew she’d have to get up now. Managing to not get caught up she pulled back caressing his cheek with the hand that allowed him to feel the soft stroke of her wedding band and engagement ring.

“First I’m going to go get our son, but then…” she leaned in and gave his lips a final peck, this time withdrawing just enough to look at him but still have their noses touch before finishing what she’d started, “… Yes, I will marry you all over again, as many times as you want, every day, week, month and year, for eternity and beyond, Jake Peralta.”

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thekillerssluts · 5 years ago

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Arcade Fire's Régine Chassagne and Preservation Hall's Ben Jaffe on Krewe du Kanaval

Much of the connection between Haitian and New Orleans culture has been lost to history, but for Haitian-Canadian Régine Chassagne of Arcade Fire and Ben Jaffe of the Preservation Hall Jazz Band, they’ve provided fertile ground for their Krewe du Kanaval Mardis Gras parade and ball. The idea for Krewe started when Chassagne and her husband/bandmate Win Butler took the members of Perservation Hall on a trip to Haiti back in 2015. Chassagne’s family had fled Haiti during the brutal reign of Françcois Duvalier and have been returning to Haiti regularly since the band first played there in 2004, raising money for a local hospital. In 2005, they began working with Partners in Health and Kampe, continuing their efforts after the earthquake which devastated the country in 2010.

Both Arcade Fire and Preservation Hall will play again for the festival’s third and biggest year on Feb. 14 at the Mahalia Jackson Theater in New Orleans’ Louis Armstrong Park, along with guests Michael Brun, Jillionaire, Lakou Mizik, Pierre Kwenders and more. I spoke with both Chassagne and Jaffe about why they created Krewe du Kanaval and what we can expect from this year’s festivities.

Paste: To start out, can you talk a little bit about why a Haitian-themed festival in New Orleans? Can you talk a little bit about the connection between Haiti and the city and what made you want to launch the Krewe du Karnival?

Ben Jaffe: So I’m going to let Régine tackle that because she’s, she’s the one responsible for introducing me to Haiti and sort of beginning my, my discovery journey.

Régine Chassagne: So first of all, I just want to say it’s not just Haitian-themed; it’s a reality. I grew up in Montreal, and my family is from Haiti—all of it. So I grew up speaking French, and I also grew up around Haitian Creole and more of a Caribbean culture. And when I visited New Orleans, every time we would stop by playing, something was just like, ‘What is this place?’ This place has something different that completely felt really familiar to me. Even though it was this different, it was kind of like similar cultural components—but with a different combo of the French and a little bit of Spanish and the Creole. I recognize it, and it really attracted me to the city. It’s kind of like a cousin universe—it’s kind of an oldest connection that come from this.

Jaffe: I didn’t grow up in the typical community in New Orleans. We were very blessed to have so much music, and we really value community here. After I visited Cuba and visited Haiti, I’ve really begun to understand more deeply the source of the things that I appreciate so much about New Orleans. Community isn’t just something you talk about or try to define. It’s actually a thing, you know? It’s actually a neighborhood and actually people that you grew up with. It’s the great grandmother, the great grandfather. It’s the priest and the minister of the church. It’s the person who runs the little grocery store, the member of the social aid and pleasure club, the musician, the Mardi Gras Indian. It’s the Neville Brothers. It’s all of these people that make up this incredible city. And then within the city, there are these little micro-communities of people. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown to have a deeper appreciation for that and understand how precious and sacred and rare that is. And it’s something that I was able to experience, and the whole Preservation Hall band was able to go there and actually feel sort of like this big, big family coming together—like a reunion of families.

Chassagne: That’s true. It feels like that.

Jaffe: At one time there was more of a fluid back-and-forth between Haiti and New Orleans and other communities in the Caribbean just because of our trade and because of New Orleans’ very important geographic location. We are the first city at the mouth of the Mississippi. We were the gateway to the Americas from the Caribbean. Everything coming into the country had to come through New Orleans. Coffee, sugar, even—and it’s sad to even talk about it—but humans, as well, coming into this country and leaving the country. All of our exports and cotton, coffee and sugar, were coming out of the country. It’s just interesting that the connection was in some ways more realized 200 years ago. And over the centuries we’ve, we’ve sort of lost a little bit of that. But its fingerprint and DNA is still here.

Paste: Yeah. We’ve seen a huge influx of Haitians into New Orleans over the course of the last couple of hundred years. Both places have also suffered two of the most devastating natural disasters of this century. Haiti just marked 10 years since the earthquake and the country is still suffering from its efforts. What do you see of the differences in the way those two places have bounced back and what do you see as the biggest needs that still remain in Haiti?

Chassagne: Those are gigantic questions. I will speak for what I know—the work that’s being done by organizations like Partners in Health and Kanpe, who are working in the Central Plateau. So I think the earthquake revealed the fragility of the system, the non-system. It’s really hard to build on a foundation when there’s no system like the government, because it was very weak or fragile. When NGOs perpetuate this fragility by bypassing the official infrastructure even as weak as it is, it’s really a short-term solution because you can’t just run a country on NGOs. People need their own infrastructure. So I think we’ll get there. The people on the ground I know are so extremely dedicated but don’t often get the highlights. It’s mostly the outsiders that get all the talk. Anyway, I could go on and on. I don’t want to dwell on that, but I really believe NGOs need to look at themselves. And I’m always talking to myself because to me it’s really important to make sure that we do a good job. And if it’s not working, we have to ask ourselves, ‘Why?”

Paste: I want to get into the Karnival itself, but I wanted to ask one about your family’s immigration from Haiti. It was out of necessity due to the [François] Duvalier’s violent reign. I don’t want to compare, but there have been extra-judicial killings recently that had been linked to the government. How has your history affected your relationship with Haiti and your experiences going back there and your heart for the country? I know you guys have done a lot to try to raise awareness just do good in the country.

Chassagne: Well for me it’s two things. It’s the livelihood. I care about the livelihood of people in Haiti and the opportunities for amazing people to get great things done because there’s so much talent in Haiti, that it’s unbelievable. So that, and also the cultural aspect, which is really important for me because, even as a daughter of immigrants, I think it does stipulate a lot of different people who are sons and daughters of immigrants. It is a thing where when you’ve arrived in a new country, parents feel like they have to negate or deny their whole culture. That they have to like dissolve it so they can blend in. And so they put that on their children as well.

I think it’s still really cool to be adaptable to a new place where you arrived, of course, but that shouldn’t be accompanied by a shame of what you were like, you know? And that the culture that you have—it’s not one culture or the other. It’s like one on top of the other. So you can speak French and English and Spanish and Creole and you’re not one or the other. You’re one. And the other. So it’s a plus to me that you have access to all the universes. It’s a real value because I want to fight that sense of having to be or feel “less than” by these layers that you have. But on the contrary, you shouldn’t feel “less than” but feel even richer for having all these layers for yourself. Haitian culture has been often just completely discarded, and it’s so sophisticated and it’s a diamond in the rough. And it’s given so much to American culture, and people don’t even know about it. So yeah, I’m always trying to put it forward everywhere I go.

Paste: That’s great. And Ben, can you talk about that first Preservation Hall trip to Haiti and what that was like?

Jaffe: Yeah, I went down with Win [Butler] and Régine and a member of our foundation on sort of a research visit to understand more about the work that Kampe does and just to understand the whole landscape. When we were down there, Régine introduced me to the gentleman who had the band called RAM, Richard Morse. And immediately there was a brotherhood there. He’s doing very similar things in his community that are also being done in New Orleans, like what Preservation Hall does, just on a different scale and with different obstacles. That just grew into me thinking, “Oh my gosh, this is part of the Preservation Hall journey—part of the journey of the members of the band. And part of what I do is to create this dialogue—the moment where the band, the members of my band can go learn something about themselves and continue to grow as musicians. And that’s really impactful when you’re going into a community, like you’re going into Cuba or you’re going to Brazil or Colombia or Mexico. And this trip it was to Haiti, and I don’t even know when the last time a band from New Orleans has been to Haiti. The Preservation Hall band had never been. It may have been hundreds of years since a New Orleans band has been there. I’ve never heard anybody in New Orleans, in my community of musicians, ever speak about Haiti. They speak about it, but we think about it in terms of our connection to voodoo or the Mardi Gras Indian tradition or the jazz tradition and the jazz processions that take place at funerals.

The experience was incredible for the band members. I remember just preparing the guys for the trip and some of the obstacles that we were going to face just in terms of just the the physical challenges of being there and things being outside of our normal comfort zone as a band. But you know, in New Orleans, that’s something you’re kind of prepared for because of the way that we grow up playing in parades and things being played without electricity and you know, like, “Hey, when does the parade start?” “I don’t know, when everybody gets there.” That kind of attitude lends itself to the way we grew up in new Orleans.

And I remember one of the experiences that I loved was just watching from the porch of this old Colonial hotel that we were staying in that was built into the side of a mountain that was a couple hundred years old and watching two of the members of my band watching these the young dancers work on a piece based on sort of traditional voodoo rhythms and dances, and then just being almost like as if they were in watching this happen. They were that moved by just the experience of being in the community of the artists. And that was, that was really how we all felt.

I remember also our trombone player—his family had told him, “Look, you’re probably gonna run into some family members when you’re down there. Cause our families have Haitian roots.” And sure enough, here we are just kind of hanging out at this event that we helped produce at this incredible hotel, and nothing like this had ever really been done before. Bands from all over the country had come to those to perform. And he was backstage and he saw there’s a woman who looks just like his aunt, and he’s texting pictures to his mom. And she was like, “Oh yeah, that’s your aunt so-and-so.” “No mom, I’m in Haiti. This is not my aunt.” She’s like, “Oh that’s your aunt. That’s definitely your aunt.” And they come to find out that they’re all cousins. They’re all back in touch again. And it was that moment that you realize that we’re not even like one degree of separation musically or culturally from Haiti. It’s just something that was cut off for economic reason and political reasons—the same way we were cut off from a lot of our African roots in New Orleans. And this is probably a step in that direction to learn more about that piece of us as well.

Paste: That’s fantastic. It sounds like this was a long overdue connection that needed to happen. So can you talk a little bit about the Krewe du Karnival and the ongoing way that’s kind of reviving that connection between New Orleans and Haiti?

Jaffe: I guess it’s important to understand a little bit about like what a krewe is in New Orleans. It goes back to the beginning of Mardi Gras in New Orleans. And it was these organizations that still today are organizations—whether it’s a neighborhood organization or a political organization or a group of friends or business people who get together and form a club. Some krewes have their own clubhouse, and they have events throughout the year. So we wanted to create something that reflected our Orleans experience, something that’s brought together people from the entire city, not just one particular area. And also open up our membership to like-minded people worldwide. We have members from all over the world who come in for Kanaval. So that was really the idea. And we wanted to create something that reflected all of the things that we love about New Orleans and Haiti. The idea of dancing down the street. That’s something that I thought was very particular to New Orleans, but then I went to Haiti and I’m like, “Oh wow, they have that here too.” In Haiti, they call it Rara. In New Orleans, it’s the second line. In both places, those are sacred traditions. In New Orleans that’s a sacred African-American tradition. But it’s where a band marches down the street, accompanied by a social aid and pleasure club, which are primarily African-American neighborhood organizations followed by dancers. And it’s a community, and it’s amazing. It’s the most punk rock thing you can imagine. And then when I went to Haiti to experience a Rara, it was like being in a mosh pit—not in terms of like running around pushing and punching people, but in terms of like of just that release of energy being instant, just calm music and the vibration of the moment. To actually be on the street dancing with a band moving down the street is incredible.

Paste: Let’s talk about this year’s Kanaval. What are each of you most looking forward to for this this third version here?

Jaffe: Well, the two things that stick out this year for me—and I’m going to let Régine talk about like all the choreography and the music of the dance—but the few things that really mean something to me this year is we are going to be holding our ball. So each Mardi Gras parade and each crew has a ball to celebrate their crew. And this year our ball is going to be in the Mahalia Jackson Theater in Armstrong Park, which is adjacent to Congo square, just outside the French Quarter, sort of nestled between the French Quarter and Treme, which is the oldest African-American neighborhood in the country. So that’s really beautiful to me that we’re putting life back into this underutilized and amazing theater in this underutilized park and bringing life back into it. And I’m really proud that we’re doing that this year. And I’m also really excited that this year we’re going to be parading along a major parade route, which in New Orleans is straight down St. Charles Avenue. And that’s an amazing achievement. A lot of organizations don’t get to that point where they actually get permitted to march down St. Charles Avenue. And that’s really a badge of honor. Getting to down St. Charles Avenue and to represent the colors that we represent and the principles that we represent is really beautiful. And I mean Régine could talk about the music and the dance because Arcade Fire is going to be performing and Lakou Mizik from Haiti is going to be performing, Jillionaire, Michael Brun, Pierre Kwenders, Windows 98, Preservation Hall Jazz Band. This year our queen is Mia X, who is a legendary figure in New Orleans bounce, part of the No Limit family. And especially since we just lost a 5th Ward Weebie, there’s like a spotlight on New Orleans bounce. And the bounce community in New Orleans is as important as our jazz community.

Paste: Régine, how about you? What are you looking forward to this year?

Chassagne: Well, Sunday was the actual anniversary of the earthquake. And we had a first big proper dance rehearsal. And there’s a dancer friend who taught us some moves. And it was really moving. We had a moment and she spoke about the earthquake. That plus the fact that we lost one of our master drummers—Francois San Damas Louis, who used to lead the Rara of the previous years. And I don’t know, for me, it really moves me to see these Haitian dance being able to infiltrate the mainstream and Haitian culture pushing through and actually bringing it to mainstream is a big deal. We’re not in Haiti, so it’s not super traditional. But just to be able to recognize that and just add that the spotlight is on this really special community—I’m really, really, really excited about that.

Paste: Oh, well, it sounds like an amazing event and I wish you both the best this year. One of these years I’ve got to get down for one of these. It sounds amazing.

Chassagne: Yeah. Yeah. It’s good for the soul.

#Arcade Fire #regine chassagne #interview

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theshy1sout · 4 years ago

Text

Poppy’s extraordinary playlist

I try to umm... write shorter chapters to make myself write more often. But I'm not sure if it works at all XD I do my best, I'm just still in kind of intro of the story, I hope I can write faster than I make it up... Tell me if you want the names of the chapters or something.

And I made a Ao3 account! Yay! So the chapter on it is here :D

Enjoy the thing below

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Chapter 6

It just happened, ok? It just happened! Poppy had no idea how to control her hearing-others’-thoughts-as-a-song power worked. Sometimes she just got home her sleeping bestie and walking bach to the park it just started. Out of nowhere. Just like that:

It's like, she doesn't hear a word I say Her mind is somewhere far away And I don't know how to get there

Chenille sang. Poppy sighed. She already knew the problem, hearing it once again wouldn’t be very helpful. It only made her sick. How was it even possible that two trolls could be that different? Especially them! Satin and Chenille were inseparable twins! She couldn’t help but thought about Branch. How different was he actually...

It was a really brief thought which was interrupted by unexpected duo:

It's like all she wants is to chill out

Chenille continued while Satin joined in, singing:

She’s so serious!

She makes me wanna pull all my hair out (She's always in a rush and interrupted)

Like she doesn't even care! (Like she doesn't even care)

The last line they sang together. It was quite impressing how perfectly their voices harmonized even if th sang completely different words. Poppy didn’t know in which direction she should’v looked, when they both clearly spoke to her. Twins gestured with passion during their song:

Like fire and rain (Like fire and rain) You can drive me insane (You can drive me insane) But I can't stay mad at you for anything We're Venus and Mars (Venus and Mars) We're like different stars (like different stars) You're the harmony to every song I sing And I wouldn't change a thing

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... - Poppy interrupted them, forcing to stop walking. Twins stood sharply. They looked really confused.

- Wait for what? - Satin asked.

- Just... Just stop for a second and let me think

- Stop what? - Chenille spoke with her hand with irritation. - We were just walking in totally silence!

- Totally - Satin agreed.

But Poppy just stood so still, tapping her lips by her fist and holding an elbow with other hand.

- What is happening? - Chenille asked her sister, but she just shrugged her shoulders.

- You are different - Queen started thinking out loud. - And we thought it was a problem, but it’s not. It’s good that you’re different. There’s a key! You’re the harmony, cause you’re different! Cause harmony is different voices! The world would be boring if we’re all the same! We need fire AND rain. Venus needs Mars and Mars needs Venus. We actually need differences! - Poppy laughed with joy. She turned to the sisters - It’s that so beautiful?

But they looked at her even more confused than before.

- What are you talking about? - Satin asked.

Poppy took a deep breath. She had to make them understand, not just hear it. Understand. But how? She thought about her dad. Only two weeks ago she could just walk into his pod and ask him for everything. King Peppy expired so many hard life’s moments and he had always found the solution to any problem. But then, he’s in the hospital. She couldn’t bother him with everything she couldn’t solve on her own. And beside that, she was the queen. It was her job. It made her feel alone and a bit helpless. She never could describe what it’s in her mind. No one jut got her and in the way she thought.

It reminded her one of her sweet moment with her dad. She had been really little back then and she had tried to describe something she had seen through the window. She still remember his amused face, when he had seen her effort. He had said then “Sweetie, if you can find words, you can always show the thing”. “But how?” The little pink girl asked curiously. Dad had gave her pieces of colorful felt and scissors. And he had taught her how to scrapbooking.

Poppy smiled at this memory.

- Lemme show you something - The pink trolls said and waved encouragingly. She turned around and walked toward her pod.

When she opened red door, the smell of the flowers hit her nose. Poppy hadn’t been there for a week, for such a long week! She really missed this place, smelling like her favorite perfumes and looking so hosty and soft. She always felt there safe and comfy, she wouldn’t live anywhere else.

Queen ran through the living room to the big violet wardrobe and opened widely both of its door. There were many of colorful outfit inside, but most of them were blue. There was no word to describe how much Poppy loved this color. It made her a bit sad everytime when she woke up and saw the sky wasn’t blue. But most of the year it was, it greeted her every day with this pease and bright lazure, and she couldn’t help but stared a few minutes before she jumped of her bed and ran to the violet wardrobe to choose the casual dress (the blue one of course). Those things flew through her mind when she was staring at her lovely cloths.

- Look at this - Poppy beamed to twins. They glanced at outfits emotionlessly.

- Wardrobe - Chenille said.

- Cloths - Satin frowned. - Is there anything you see that we can’t...

- Yes! Look at them and take a guess which one is my favourite!

This time twins were staring at opened wardrobe a bit longer. Chenille even made this funny gesture she made every time she was thinking deeply about the cloths: she touched her chin with thumb and her nose with forefinger.

- The blue one? - Satin asked shyly.

- Half of them are blue! - Chenille spat.

- I mean, this blue one with white edge - Violet trolls pointed at Poppy. - The one you have at.

- She asked about wardrobe, genius

- I thought it would be a tricky question

- It was - Poppy grinned. - I love all of my cloths the same. Every single one is special. And you know, why?

- Because you really like cloths? - Satin asked.

- No - Pink troll couldn,t smile any wider. - Because every single one is made by my very best friends. They worked so hard to made them for me and, the most important, they made them together! Teamworking!

- Okay, I see where you’re going - Chenille rolled her eyes.

- But let me say it! Look, this one for example - Poppy took off really nice lilac dress with cold arm and white leather band. - This one is beatifull. Remember how you sewed it? I just said that i like this fabric and wanted to have a simple dress with it. And Chenille made it for me. But then Satin said..,

- That it wasn’t good enough! - Chenille huffed. Satin crossed her arms, but didn’t say anything.

- Yes! - Poppy skinned her head slowly. - And then?

Blue troll sighed heavily.

- And she cut the arms and added white belt... - She didn’t look at sister, speaking quieter and quieter, - And it made the dress beautiful...

- And this one! - Poppy shew them blue dress with rainbow skirt and tulle sleeves.

- Gosh, I was sewing it whole the night - Satin beamed. - I was so proud of the design and I was so desperated to give you this one the very next day - Violet troll giggled. - It was ridicoulous! But I was so desperated. I remember waking up in the morning and discovering so many little mistakes! I felt like failure!

- But when you gave me it, the dress was perfect! - Poppy tilted her head on a side. - And also I don’t remember seeing you being exhausted or something.

-....Yeah, cause... Chenille told me to take a nap... - Satin held her elbow shyly. - And she fixed the dress when I was sleeping...

Queen put her hand on her hip and lifted her eyebrow suggestively. The twins looked pretty ashamed right then: Chenille stared at the ceiling with her arms crossed tightly on her chest and Satin rubbed her elbow glanced at the floor.

- Hey, look girls - Poppy smiled at something she took from the wardrobe. - Remember this one?

She showed them the dress and the sisters collapsed with a giggle.

- Of course! - Satin beamed. - I never forget your dress!

- It was so ridiculous - Chenille chuckled. - I didn't even know that you are so bad at sewing, Poppy!

- Thanks - Poppy showed her tooth awkwardly.

- And you were as stubborn as always! - Chenille started to pretend Poppy's voice. - 'I want to sew it on my own! Just let me do it!'

- But Poppy! - Satin joined to play, pretending Chenille's voice. - You can't start from that side!

- 'I will do what I want!' - Chenille screamed and stamped her foot. And then both just exploded with a loud laugh.

- I didn't say that - Poppy pursed her lips.

- Maybe not, but look at this dress - Violet girl pointed at the cloth in her pink hands and started laughing again.

- Yes, that's the thing we both always agree with - Chenille crossed her arms with a big grin on her face. - That dress isn't... Nice for eyes.

- Yeah, totally agree - Satin chuckled, stepping a bit closer to her sister. - Are we back?

- We're back - Twin answered with a hug and deep sign of relief. - I missed you, sis.

- I missed you too, Chell. - Satin said, embracing her tightly.

Poppy smiled at them. She really didn't know how she made them come to term, but she was happy that they finally did it. She took a look at the dress she was still holding. Well, the twins were right. That thing was a complete disaster.

- Now I see we haven't pawed through your wardrobe for such a long time - Poppy barely even noticed, when girls came to her so close.

- We have to make you something new - Chenille said, touching one of the suits inside. - Can we, well as Satin said, "paw through your wardrobe" a bit?

- Of course! If that gives you an inspiration...

Twins giggled at her, but Poppy didn't find anything funny in what she just said. She didn't even start wondering what was the thing that made her friends laugh when she heard a knocking at her door.

- Well, I guess I leave you to it - Queen threw going to the front door. But the twins were too busy talking about her outfits. Which made her smile when she was opening the door. She almost jumped when she saw who stood there.

- So here you are! - Creek beamed at her. - I was looking for your the whole week, Poppy! - He stepped in without an invitation. - Where had you been?

- I... - She tried to clear her thoughts. She wasn't just ready to see him so suddenly. - Well, it's a long story and I haven't made a scrapbook about it yet...

- Maybe we'll sit? - Creek suggested and pointed at chairs in the living room. He was her boyfriend, but for some reason, she really didn't like it when he treated her pod like his own. She loved hosting and he just took it away from her in her house. She breathed deeply.

- Yea, sure - She threw and when they already sat on the chairs, she continued. - I have many things to tell you.

- I'm all ears - Creek stared at her intensively. It made her nervous, especially because she hated telling stories without a scrapbook. She just wasn't good at keeping eye contact if she had nothing in her hands. So she looked down, trying to find good words. Then she felt his warm hand grabbing her and squeezed a bit. Like he knew that she needed it. She looked at him and smiled a bit.

- Ok, so... I was in the hospital. The whole week. The MRI showed up that I had brain cancer, just like my dad, but much smaller. So... I had an operation where they cut it off my brain. And then I had to lie in this hospital the whole week, even if I felt okay. - She stopped for a second, cause she found the way Creek was listening to her too calm. - Sorry for not telling you about this...

- It's okay - He smiled comfortingly.

- And sorry for my friends, they also don't tell you anything cause... they... seem to not like you... because when we started going out I stopped going on our meetings... - She breathed heavily. - It's all my fault. I destroyed our Snack Pack and now they hate you and...

- No, stop it! - Creek said. - Nothing's your fault! They just don't know me. Maybe If I go to this meeting with you, they'll know me and maybe even like me. What do you think?

Poppy stared at him unsurely.

- Well, I guess we can try...

- See? And everything's good! - Creek smiled again, but Poppy just couldn't feel it. - I told you, you think too much about your problems sometimes.

- Maybe...

- Is there anything else you wanted to tell me?

She hesitated for a while.

- Have you ever heard about this guy from the forest named Branch?

- You mean this gray ghost? He's real? I didn't even know he has a name actually...

- Well, yes, he's real, and I talked with him. I want to befriend him and I'm just wondering if you don't mind...

- No, it's really nice of you that you want to help him. Maybe one day I'll talk with him too

- Maybe...

- Well, I'm glad to see you're ok - Creek said, standing up. - I see you are still really tired after being in the hospital. Don't stress yourself, just please, rest a bit, ok? And we can see each other tomorrow, right?

- Right - Poppy nodded, smiling, or maybe just trying to smile. She gave him a peck kiss at goodbye and waved him when he went out. The doors shut loudly and Queen was sitting very still on her chair.

She felt wrong. This whole talk was as normal as usual, but she had been feeling really bad during it, and then, when Creek left, it still felt bad...

But maybe he was right and she thought too much? Maybe she really needed a rest?

- Poppy? Poppy! What are you doing there so long? Come here! We need to talk about your brand new style!

Poppy giggled. She really missed the twins making a mess in her wardrobe. Hearing their voices in her pod was all she needed right then. She needed to spend some time with her old friends.

- Don't worry, I'm coming!

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Satin and Chenille - I wouldn’t change a thing

< Previous Chapter | Index | Next Chapter >

#Poppy's extraordinary playlist #my fanfiction #queen poppy #creek trolls #Branch #dreamworks trolls #trolls fanfiction #zep #zoey's extraordinary playlist #satin & chenille #satin and chenille #my fanfic tag #my fanfic stuff #fanfiction #fanfic #chapter 6 #poppy trolls #trolls poppy

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ts-virgil-angst · 6 years ago

Note

17 with Patton? Oh my gosh.

TW: trauma, yelling, deceit (he’s not in it much but he’s still there), mutilation (mostly talk), anything else just shoot me an ask

Genre: idk man there’s just a lot happening here.

Word Count: 3270

Summary/Prompts: “AmI The Villain?”

Notes: It’s a long one lads so buckle up. This one will also have no sequel. Probably. It kind depends on if I can think of anything else. Also Logan’s OOC because I’m rusty.

—–

Patton wasn’t sure there were many positive things Master Roman had said about him. There was, of course, the odd day when he was feeling lenient with his affection. And Roman was always giving him praise. But as for honest to goodness, heartfelt positive compliments? Those were few and far in between.

However! Patton was pretty sure Master Roman always meant it when he called him a hard worker. That was something Patton had always been and prided himself in. He was always there when it mattered most. In fact, that was just what he had been saying before giving him his mission for the day.

“Go to the other side of the wall,” Master Roman was saying, the rooftop breeze swaying his hair. Somehow, he never managed to look anything but regal. “Bring me any intelligence you can gather in a day. Do not disappoint me.”

“As you wish, Master.” Patton bowed deeply before turning on heel, the wings on his shoes springing out he leapt off the building, soaring through the air.

It always amazed him, every time he did it, just how beautiful the city was. Almost entirely made of large, grand buildings and statues. Gold and silver and platinum lined each structure gracefully and seemed to stretch on for forever. Patton would never get tired of looking at the city from above. There was something about a bird’s eye view that made it so much more to him. Seeing everything that he had helped build was awe inspiring every day.

Master Roman had a vision for the world to be beautiful. He was very set in his way and standards for what he considered beauty. Patton was just lucky enough to fit the bill.

Patton sighed, his good mood waning as he approached the Wall. Built nearly as tall as Master Roman’s Command Tower, the High Wall kept out all of the Unwanted. The Unwanted were, well, unwanted. They were unwanted by unwanted by society, unwanted by themselves, and most importantly, unwanted by Master Roman.

He braced himself as he set down on the Wall, taking in a deep breath of filtered air before slowly letting it out. The other side of the Wall was…sub-par to say the least. Everything was low and flat to the group. Houses, unlike in the Command, were squat little shacks that looks like they’d be knocked over with gentle breeze. The buildings here barely hit two-stories, and everything was drab and grey. Patton could hardly bare the barren and dying fields the Unwanted called home, but if Master Roman wishes it, then he would endure it. Besides, it wasn’t all bad.

With one final breath, he stepped over the edge, sliding down the smooth white structure before letting the wings of his shoes come out as neared the bottom. Dust was kicked up as he landed, and Patton let out a meek cough. No matter how many times he had to come out here, he was never used to the low quality of air.

As always, like a prophet, Virgil was standing there, ready to greet him. Even when Patton had first started to come out here for Master Roman, Virgil had been there at the Wall, greeting him and sequestering him away to a quiet place. Even though Patton had never met him and couldn’t be sure of his trustworthiness, he was sure that he could take care of himself. As gentle as he tried to be, he was more than capable of being tough.

“Welcome back,” Virgil signed, a small smirk on his face. As always Patton worked not to stare at the scars on his neck. Near as he could figure, something had attacked Virgil when he was younger causing him to become mute. That was one of the things that they silently agreed on: no personal questions. “Have a nice trip down?”

“You leave my shoes alone.” For whatever reason, Virgil liked to rag on his flying shoes. It wasn’t his fault he could fly on his own; only a few people were born with magick in their blood and sadly he wasn’t one of them.

Together they moved out of the open field surrounding the houses close the wall, moving toward the main street, then moving quickly into the closest house. He knew as well as anyone it was better he not be seen by most of the residents. It was best if he didn’t have to fight them—especially so early into his trip here. Even if he were to change out of his nice clothes or hide his clean hair, there was still something inherent about him that would let anyone know he was from the Command.

“So, how have you and the hubby been?”

“Logan?” He smiled again, shutting the curtains and plopping down at the kitchen table, kicking out a chair for him. “He’s fine. Still not your biggest fan.”

“But are you even a fan?”

Patton knew that he could, he would laugh. “Not particularly.”

“But you put up with me anyway,” Patton sang, furiously batting his eyes. Virgil rolled his, leaning back in his chair. “So, what’s new here?”

“You always ask the same question and I give you the same answer: nothing. It’s the same shitty hovel as always.”

“And you always know that that’s not at all what I mean.”

“Actually, there was something I wanted to tell you.” He stopped for a second, looking out the window. There was a shuffling sound coming from the door. “Watch out for Logan—” The door slammed open and Logan was silhouetted by the for just a moment. “—he’s a little pissy with you.” And in that moment, Logan rushed from the door, faster than Patton thought he could possibly move, and punched him out of his chair.

The impact sent him flying across the room and crashing into wall, shaking the entire house. Logan was there, above him, his glasses askew from the punch, gripping his shirt and pulling him up. “You have some nerve showing your face here.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Logan,” Patton kept his voice calm and level as he spoke. “Please let go of my shirt.”

“Not until you tell me what the hell that asshole you call a leader is doing to us.”

“I don’t know what you mean. Let go of my shirt.” In his peripherals, Patton could see Virgil get up from the table and close the door, the natural light falling away.

After a moment, Logan let go him, stomping away to the other side of the small house. “Your stupid, ignorant, self-involved, narcissistic sociopathic dipshit of a leader has started to send his armies here. It’s so subtle that most people wouldn’t notice, but I’m sure you’d recognize the little government peons if you saw them, wouldn’t you?”

With a flick of his hand, colorful smoke began to tumble out from his palm forming images—images of people he recognized. There was Dee, the creepy man in charge of tactics. There was Joan, Roman’s main source of entertainment, though Patton wasn’t quite sure what they did in terms of the army. And, of course, there were dozen move faces he recognized from the militia even if he couldn’t put names to faces. Weirder still, they weren’t in uniform. They were disguised in baggy, grey-brown clothing, dirt smeared and a little ragged.

“I—I don’t—”

Logan clenched his fist, the smoke disappearing with it. “You don’t what? Understand? Then let me spell it out clearly for you: Roman is planning on trying to wipe us out. Again.”

“I—I—”

Virgil clapped drawing both of their attention. Without Patton even noticing, he’d moved from the door to the table again, sitting with his legs swinging. “Patton, you’ve never personally done anything to hurt us, but we won’t hesitate to fight you if need be. I know you worship the ground Roman walks on but understand that the reason I can’t speak is directly because of him.”

“What do you mean?” Patton was reeling. There was so much to take in from just that one image. This shouldn’t have been happening. There was no reason for Master Roman to do something like this.

Logan started pacing, hands opening and closing into fists as he walked. “When Virgil was younger—when we were children—Roman himself came down from his tower to slaughter us himself. Virgil was lucky, I supposed. He was only mutilated.”

“No, I-I don’t believe you.” His voice was shaking as he looked up at Logan. He was a lot of things, but for as long as Patton had known Logan, he’d never been a liar and was always offended when called one. And even now, the anger in his voice…there was no way he was faking it.

“Take off those rose colors glasses and see the world for what it is, you privileged jackass.”

Virgil hopped off the table, placing a gentle hand on Logan’s shoulder. He turned toward Patton, looking a little sad. “It’d be best if you left. We can’t risk a bigger fight breaking out here, so close to the Wall.”

Patton didn’t need to be told twice. He scrambled to his feet and was flying the second he got out of the door. Normally he walked away from Virgil and Logan’s place and closer to the wall before taking off, but this time—this time he needed to go. He needed to get as far away as possible from them and this place.

Even though he knew that Virgil and Logan weren’t fond of Master Roman, it was never explicitly stated. Never said in their many friendly debates about the Wall and Command because they knew Patton loved his home and his leader. He knew because no one outside the Wall liked Master Roman. Sure, he wasn’t the kindest to the Unwanted, but that wasn’t really his fault. The Unwanted were just unlikable by nature. Except for Virgil and sometimes Logan. But there were always excepts to the rules.

As he passed through the barrier, he landed hard on the wall, nearly twisting his ankle. He couldn’t be flying distracted, even if there was so much to think about just from that short visit. Virgil must have been mistaken though. There was no way Master Roman was so cruel as to mutilate a kid. There was just no way. It wasn’t in him.

Patton thought back to the sad look Virgil had given him as he Patton what had happened and when he rushed out of their home. The resigned look of someone who had dealt with pain and anger and was used to it.

Maybe… Maybe there was some truth to his story.

No, no! That couldn’t be. He owed everything to Master Roman. For his wonderful life and his good job and a home that didn’t lean or leak in bad weather. He had saved him from being an Unwanted. Saved him from that dreadful life. There was no way he could be a murderer let alone a child mutilater.

With two quick steps he launched himself from the wall, flying over the city once more. He couldn’t go back to quickly or else he’d have to face Master Roman’s anger, but he could hover around the city for a bit before returning.

As he flew over the city, admiring the want the gold glittered and the silver shined, he noticed something odd. People were generally everywhere this time of day. It was prime shopping time, the sun was in just the right position to provide enough shade to relax in outside, and there were always people outside practicing their magick. But right now, there was no one enjoying the shops or parks. There were just rows and rows of people on the main street in dirty clothes moving slowly.

He dropped to some of the lower building, peaking over the edge as quietly as possible without getting caught. Squinting, he looked over their face and then, with a gasp, pulled his head back over the edge. They were soldiers dressed as the ones he’d seen outside the Wall had been, imitating the clothes of the Unwanted.

No, no, no. This could have been. The Unwanted were a nuisance at best, taking up space that could be used for agriculture. But to send an army in disguise out…

This was Dee’s doing, he thought to himself. There was no way Master Roman would approve of such an underhanded tactic. It had to be him.

With his ankle still soar, ended up tripping over the edge, careening toward the group, but righted himself in time to land gently in front of Dee. He was heading the line toward the northern gate, sitting in a tent and going over some papers.

“A pleasure to see you as always,” Dee said before Patton could get a word out. “While I love your never-ending optimism and cheerful little notes, but I don’t have time.”

“What is this, exactly?”

Dee glanced up at Patton, smirking at his slightly haggard appearance. “Been crying recently? What over this time? Saw puppies that were too cute?”

Patton quickly wiped off his face. He hadn’t even realized he’d started crying. “No. Just… Just tell me what this is? If you did this without Master’s permission—”

Dee laughed; his head tilted back. “Without his permission? My dear Patton, I may not be as close to him as you are, but I am all about self-preservation.” At Patton’s blank look, he sat up in his chair, perusing the papers again. “No, Patton. He knows very well what I’m doing because he ordered me to do so. Of course, there’s no reason you shouldn’t know. Leo! Tell the next group to leave.”

“Why? What have the Unwanted done now?”

“What have they done? Nothing. They exist still, I guess. What’s it to you?”

“Nothing.” Patton turned on heel to leave, the new information whirling around in his head. It just didn’t make sense. For the longest time Master Roman had expressed no interest in it. He said that there was no way to use the people, so he couldn’t truly be bothered by them. That was what he had said whenever Patton came back from his visits. He only sent him over there to make sure there was no plans of breaking down the Wall. And for as long as he had been going, there had been none. Virgil wouldn’t have given him an explicit warning, but he would have done something to let Patton know—and he never had. They weren’t content to live the way they did, there was just nothing they could really do to change it.

Patton took to the skies again, suddenly conflicted about which way to go. For the first time, he wasn’t sure he wanted to go back to the Tower. For his entire life, he had never really questioned what Master Roman asked him to do and everything he did always felt so harmless. Check on the Unwanted. Give the army this tech. Take these shoes and keep an eye on the citizens. It never felt like what he knew it was now: espionage.

As much as it pained him, he knew what he needed to do. He flew back across the border, sneaking as quietly as he could manage. He couldn’t risk Dee seeing him on the Command side or the soldiers on the Unwanted side.

Quietly, he worked his way through the field, picking out Virgil and Logan’s house out of habit. He opened the front door closing it quickly behind him, only to feel a hand around his throat. His eyes barely had time to adjust to the change in lighting, but he knew it was Logan.

“You have some nerve showing your face here.”

“I—” Patton gasped, looking around the room, surprised to see more than Virgil. A few people he recognized from his fly-bys over the place and some he’d never seen before. “I know. I c-came to warn you.”

“About the army? Because we know.”

“N-No. There’s—” He tried to gasp again, but his vision was going dark, black blossoms blooming in his eyes.

He heard a clap and then suddenly Logan’s grip got tighter, then was gone. He crumpled to the ground, wheezing. Virgil appeared in front of him, a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Why did you come here?”

“There’s—” Patton let out a deep sigh. “There’s hundreds of them. Dee is letting them in, in small groups. Magick users, regular soldiers, and both.” At that he heard a few gasps around the room. “Dee is a highly trained tactician and he’s leading them. I’m sure he gave them instructions before sending them over, but I don’t know what it is.”

Virgil lifted Patton’s head up, gazing at his neck before sighing. “Why are you telling us this? You know that we won’t sit by while they attack.”

“I know. I’m—I don’t know. I guess I was hoping that warning you would help somehow?”

“Do you think this can make up for what you’ve done to help them?” Logan’s voice was full of venom as he spoke.

Patton looked up at Logan before casting his eyes down again. “No, I don’t. But I want to help. I want to be able to make up for my mistakes. I didn’t know that he was planning this.”

“Didn’t know or didn’t want to know?” Another person spoke up from the back. Patton vaguely recognized him as one of the few Unwanted who looked clean. His name-tag read Emile Picani.

“I didn’t want to.” Patton shifted folding his legs underneath making sure to keep his hands visible. “I never stopped to question all of the things I did. Or all of the terrible things I’d seen. I brushed them off, forcing myself to think that they were necessary. But they weren’t. Your trauma wasn’t necessary, Virgil. The constant policing of the people isn’t necessary, here and the Command. The aggression and wanton abuse everyone here feels and experiences everyday isn’t necessary. I never stopped to ask am I the villain because I was never made to feel that way.”

There was silence as he glanced around but Virgil was smiling. He was the only one, in fact, as he stood and held out his hand. Slowly, Patton took it, allowing himself to be hoisted from the ground.

Virgil didn’t let go as he signed, “Do you swear on your life you will help our cause? To help us in our mission and to do everything in your power, no matter the consequences?”

Patton couldn’t be sure if he would. Even though his view of Master Roman had changed, there was still a part of him that wanted desperately for what he learned to be a lie. He shook himself mentally. He had to do this—if only to make up for all the things that he had let happen.

“I swear.” As the words passed through his lips, he felt something burning on his on his skin, like words being cut deep with a knife. When Virgil pulled his hand away, a feather in beautiful rainbow colors was iridescently shining on his arm. It was beautiful.

In his head, a voice he’d never heard before said, “Welcome to the resistance, Patton.” Virgil was smirking, but unlike every time before, he could tell there was true joy and playfulness behind it—and it was then he knew the voice belonged to Virgil. “Welcome to the resistance.”

—–

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#virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #deceit sanders #sanders sides #thomas sanders #ts sides #my shitty fic #big sorry about this being astronomically late #but like #i was Big Sad for a long time #anyway #enjoy

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