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katiascraft · 12 hours ago

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✐ᝰ "You knew all too well i was right where you left me" | CL16 ࣪𓏲ּ ᥫ᭡ ₊

parings: retired!charles leclerc x writer!ex!reader

series summary: It’s the story of a woman frozen in the moment her world fell apart. A perfect dinner ended with, “I met someone else,” and while everyone moved on, she remained stuck in that instant, unable to let go of the past. A poignant tale of heartbreak, grief, and the weight of being trapped in a “forever” that never was.

‎[one / two / three / four / current / six...]

chapter five

"there'll be happiness after you but there was happiness because of you too"

word count: 6k.

BLOG MASTERLIST - series masterlist

⋆˚࿔ i did something bad 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

The kiss that started sweet and gentle turned into a passionate and steamy kiss in a fraction of a second. Franco felt kind of desperate. And to be fair, he was. He has waited his whole life for this moment to happen. Or at least all of these years since he met you. But he was convinced he won’t ever feel like this for any other girl in his entire life. He dated girls, fucked a few, played with them sometimes, tried to make it work. But none of them felt like you, laughed like you, thought like you, joked like you. None of them were you. And what was the craziest thing to him was that he had never tasted you. Not like this. He felt raised to heaven blessed by the gods. He felt like a kid who behaved properly and Santa brought him all of the presents he asked for during the year. A dream came true.

His hands were all over your back and hips. His touch was warm and determined. He felt like he wanted to remember how you felt, the shape of you under his touch, how your skin felt, how warm he made you feel.

His kisses were tracing a road down your neck. His lips were soft and wet. They made your skin crawl. Your fingers in his hair and shoulders trying to remain stood under his embrace. His skin was soft and his perfume was leaving you drunker by its whiskey scent. That smell defined him very well in your opinion. His skin was on fire. You couldn’t help but feel things you aren’t supposed to feel with your best friend. Well, you were doing things you’re not supposed to do with your bestie either.

Your breath was heavy. Your heart rate elevated. He came back to your lips and the way he kisses you gently again burnt your body. You felt a heat you haven’t felt in a long time for anyone. If you didn’t remember to be this intense before. Franco was franco. And that implied that everything was different. Unique. He wasn’t like other guys. I mean, he was the most cheerful guy you have ever met. You couldn’t stop laughing around him. It was impossible not to or have a serious conversation. But at the same time he was such a great listener. When you told him about Charles that you ended up crying, he was the most comforting person. You knew at that moment your friendship made a turn. A turn into one of the most precious relationships you have in your life. He was so comprehensive. It is actually so rare to meet someone like that in this fucked up society these days.

And for some reason or maybe for all of those reasons, this felt really wrong. You didn’t want to hurt him. You always knew he liked you, of course you did. It was obvious. The way he looked at you. All out of context presents or compliments. All of his invitations to every grand prix during the year. The facetime calls at random times in the day just to check in. and you liked all of that but always tried to make sure you didn’t play with his feelings. Respecting spaces and distances. Codes. He was really important to you, you just couldn’t risk him just like that. Just for a kiss or sex. He deserved to be so happy with someone 100% into him. And you kinda hated destiny for making him like you when you were stuck with Charles and always into someone else (even failing every time).

But now you hate yourself even more. Not only because you liked to torture yourself in a really twisted way. But also because you were actually kissing him and touching him in not a friendly way. Not the way you’re supposed to touch him. Or to kiss him. Or to spend your time with him. This was so wrong. You knew this would lead to drama. And the worst part is that you couldn’t stop. And maybe you didn’t want to. And why didn’t you? What is your brain planning to do? Making every situation you’re in worse than the previous one.

And it was the worst scenario possible. You don’t know how you both ended up in Franco's room. His shirt was already off. Your lips were kissing his stomach going down. It was the best situation for him, that’s for sure. You promised to never get this drunk ever again. You stood up after reaching his boxers with your lips. And kissed him again like you wanted to rescued yourself from fuck it all up but at the same time not stopping at all. You were driving Franco insane and for a moment he felt a bit empty. Was this the beginning of something? Or was it just a once in a lifetime night? Thinking about all of this started hunting him. You have never given him signs that you liked him back. But you were one of his best friends. His hands grabbed your head possessively bringing you closer to him starting to lead you to his bed. You followed him, letting him do whatever he wanted with you.

Were you ready to do this again?

Surprising as it may sound, you haven’t had sex in a very long time. You liked to have fun with yourself and explore yourself. But it was hard for you to feel something towards someone and desire them this way. Because the only one who used to turn you on was charles. And there he was again in your head. He was always there hunting you. Franco pushed you softly into his bed climbing up on you. And that’s when you woke up from this trance you couldn’t quite comprehend. He was about to undress you when you pushed him again as softly as you could because you were now exasperated about the situation you put yourself under. Franco looked at you scared. He felt he has really fucked it up.

“y/n i’m sorry, please. Perdon, I didn't mean to.. I’m sorry” he said, getting up and pulling his shirt on again as fast as he could. You tried to adjust yourself heading out the bedroom. You couldn’t face him now. You felt terrible about yourself. You didn’t know how to handle this situation. You were too drunk. But you also knew you wouldn’t know how to deal with this sober either. “y/n wait, please. Let’s talk” he could grab your hand to stop you from leaving the bedroom making you face him. You felt so embarrassed. You felt like a monster. You looked at his face. He was such a good guy and yet here you are about to break his heart. Why didn’t you stop? Why did you let him do this? You knew it was not only your responsibility, it was his as well but still.

“I'm sorry fran, this shouldn’t have happened. I'm really sorry” when you said those words you could see how his face changed into a one that even broke your heart. He dropped your hand. He knew. He fucking knew you didn’t like him. Then why would you do this? And on his birthday?

You sprinted out of that room immediately. We can say you almost ran away from him. But the reality was that you wanted to run away from yourself and your stupid ass decisions who fucked everything up each single time. The hallway down to where the party was being held never felt so infinite. You knew your anxiety was becoming a bit too much for you at that moment. Catastrophic scenarios were playing on and on in your mind as you took each step down the stairs. The pressure in your chest increases when you see the people at the party. You felt like they were looking at you, judging. Laughing in your face. Howpathetic could you be? Not getting over your only ex fro more than 10 years, then almost fuck your friend thhat you wasn’t sure if you liked him like that for real or not, then wanting to be over everything and then fucking everything up. You didn't know how to handle these situations. You felt like a teenager again. Too many mistakes. Too confusing. That made you feel ashamed of yourself. You were a 32 years old woman, acting like 17 years old, fucking up friendships while you couldn’t stop thinking of your ex. And that’s when you wanted to throw up.

You didn’t want to find your friends. You didn’t want to tell them how you fuck it up with the one guy (once again) that is good for you. How you wasted his time and feelings. You felt like a monster. Like you played with him on purpose even if you actually didn’t want to. You were way too harsh on yourself sometimes. You needed to get out of there just like you got away when you first saw Charles again in that restaurant (or well, now it’s a coffee shop).

It was running away from your fears, you couldn’t confront them. It was running away from you. You hated yourself. You couldn’t think straight and clear about yourself most of the time. The only moment you trusted yourself was when writing. And you also doubted yourself very much on it. You couldn’t win. Your self-confidence didn’t exist. You were sure about it. People were dancing while you were pushing them a bit to walk through the party out to the garden. You need fresh air in your brain as soon as possible. Or you were about to become insane if you didn’t. People said things to you but you didn’t hear. Your eyes locked on the floor. Your stomach was in your throat. The image of Charles stuck in your brain.

I met someone. I met someone. I met someone. I met someone. I met someone.

His lips moved, pronouncing those damn three words to your face. As if they were nothing. As if you were nothing at all for him. And maybe you were. You couldn’t imagine Franco saying those things to you, for example. Or maybe men were equal? Maybe you needed to experiment with girls. Maybe they are less complicated and more open. But maybe you were the problem. Too many thoughts per second. You jumped out of every single boat you ended up in. You didn’t know anymore. In your brain, things are too complicated and you know all too well you will need years to repair the damage made to it. From your dad and mum, to Charles and every single other guy you mate. To Franco and to this balcony where you would find someone maybe ready to love you like you matter, like you deserve to feel loved, like you’re amazing and beautiful. Then you were sure you were completely insane. There was no way you were always thinking about someone saving you from yourself. But there you were hoping to meet the love of your life in that gallery outside the party in Franco's house. Maybe writing and your imagination was rotting your brain. You thought about retiring and working in a library as a normal person would do. You didn’t know why you were thinking all of these things suddenly.

Maybe you were tired and frustrated. You just gave up when you finally got to the garden. The cold air of London fills your lungs, helping you with your anxiety. Your body heat dropped. Your sweaty hands got dry and cold. Your nose is red. Your eyes closed. You were doing your breathing meditation. Your heart palpitations didn’t stop though. And they were fast. Faster than Charles getting over you and everything you built. Faster than you ruining the friendship with franco. Faster than you waiting for someone to save you. Your life sucked. You really didn’t want to think about it like that. But you did. Most times you just couldn't see positive things in it. You felt like a failure. A loser. You didn’t have a lover nor a family. A loser that’s what you were. A complete failure. You had almost no family as well. No father, no mother. Just a brother and a sister who lived on the other side of the world and barely talked to you. Your only family was agostina, your best friend. And she was everything you were not. She has the perfect lover with whom she built a beautiful family of five. Her kids were lovely. She was gorgeous and the greatest person you knew. She was exactly everything you were not. But you didn't hate her. Of course you didn't. You would never think of her like that. It made you as sad as happy for her. Sad for you. Happy for her.

Why can’t you live something like that?

“Hey, you okay?” you jumped a little scared because of the sudden interruption to your thoughts and sadness. You turned to your side to find that guy. I think it was Lando's name or something like that Nikola said a few hours ago. When he brought you back to reality you realized you were crying hard. Your face bathed in tears. Cold and puffy. His face was concerned. His eyes are shiny, so blue and green. You found his face so pretty to look at. Alcohol was still in your veins, otherwise you wouldn’t be here crying so dramatically. You would try to hide it. Always.

⋆˚࿔ let it happen 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

Your eyes were on his eyes. Yours were red and puffy. His red is tired and shiny. You stayed in silence for a moment. You answered his question when he saw your face. Something in him cracked for some reason. Oh, he did know you very well. He saw you on that balcony and now that he has you right in front of him, he couldn’t believe you being more beautiful than on that day, but you actually are. He promised Charles he wouldn’t even try but he talked to Carlos about it. Carlos wanted Charles to move on but he was making a move on you and was crossing the line.

He looked down to his water bottle on his right hand. “Do you want some? Maybe you feel better” he said with a deep voice. He was nervous as hell. Alcohol in his veins as like in yours. He saw your smile. Your face was so pretty. You looked so cute with the boca juniors shirton. He had one as well. He didn’t think they were his colors, blue and yellow, not his thing. But you looked so pretty in them. All of the girls at the party were dressed looking hot as hell. But you and your friends looked cute. Relaxed outfits for the win. And that made you look all so attractive or at least for him. He recognized you a few hours ago. He was kinda shocked to see you there because he has never seen you near franco like ever. You didn’t go to the races nor comment on Franco's posts. Or anything at all. Then here you are. He saw kissing him. He saw you two going up the stairs. Alcohol didn’t let him analizy things properly even if he tried his best in doing so.

Your fingers that grabbed the bottle from his hand, brushed his sending electricity throughout his arm. He smiled gently at you watching you drink from it.

“Thank you, and sorry you had to see me cry” you told him, giving his bottle back and he smiled so pretty, shaking his head. You found him so attractive. You were just trying not to be so obvious. Also, you were worried to look like a slut if he saw you kissing Franco before. But why did you care so much? Why were you thinking all of these things about him?

“Oh no, don’t be sorry. You still look cute tho” he said giggling a bit making you laugh a bit as well. You shook your head not agreeing with him.

“Thank you again, but no need to lie about that tho” you told him a little funny.

“I promise I'm not lying. You're pretty even crying” he confessed, making you blush. “You okay? Need to talk or something?” he asked to checkon you even if you were strangers. “Im lando by the way” he introduced himself so this wasn’t that weird.

“I’m y/n. Nice to meet you. I think I'm better now, I just made a lot of stupid decisions throughout my life that now alcohol just reminds me how much of a loser I am” you were honest. More honest than you would be with anyone. You just blamed the alcohol.

“Hey, I don't think you’re a loser y/n. I mean, I know we don’t know each other at all. But for me, you don’t look like a loser at all” he expressed. You looked out to the garden in front of you a bit ashamed.

“Appearances can lie, you know? I’m a loser, I promise you. I’m still stuuckin a fucking restaurante knowing all too well i should’ve move on years ago. But here I am. Fucking up friendships and any opportunity i have to get better and be happy. I just hate myself so much. I won’t ever be happy” you gave up. You no longer cared about what people would think. You didn’t care if he thought you were crazy for telling him so much private stuff. You barely know his name. But there you were comfortable enough to confess your depression to him. He analyzed you. Every detail of your face. Each word you used to describe yourself.

“I don’t think that makes you a loser still. I think you’re brave enough to tell a stranger how you feel and in my opinion, that takes strength and confidence. And i think you will be happy, you just need to let yourself be” his words hung on the air between you two. Why was a stranger talking to her? Why was he saying things she needed to here? Why his words were important? You were sure he knew how much of a mess you were. It shows. You were sure. But still he was here. Right when you want someone here waiting for you ready to save you. Is this who will save you? Are you out of your mind for thinking like this about him?

Delusion was thinking he will be just like charles wright? You had no idea who this guy was but still you compared him to charles. Because you didn’t want to date Charles again or anyone like him. Or did you? You didn’t know how you felt about all of this. About charles. About yourself. About this guy you don't even know and you want him already to save you just because he called you brave and strong and pretty. Was that really enough for you? Was that the standard you had for yourself? He could be a serial killer right? But you could save him. He could love you. And you would forget about charles. About his touch. About his voice and laugh. About his jokes and moans. About his perfume. About his family and friends. About his cars. About everything related to him.

But was it fair to love someone to stop loving someone else?

Did you still love Charles?

You looked at him again. Your eyes connected. He smiled shyly. You did as well. Maybe you could let this guy ruin you just like Charles did, just because of his face, and his voice and what he said to you without even knowing you. You should get your shit together. You still reeling that fucking monaguesque guy. But at this point you didn’t care anymore. Or at least that’s what you thought. He got closer and kissed your cheek, that took you by surprise but you liked it. Probably way too much.

“I know without knowing you that you’re amazing. You just need to believe it. I’m sure you’ll find someone who sees you” he added and your smile became wider.

“Thank you, lando.wow. Any stranger said so many nice things about me” you half joked shyly and his cheeks went red. His giggles were the cutest sound you have heard lately. Where was this guy?

Then you remembered Franco and that this guy probably is his friend. And your back at your self hate again.

Why did everything have to be so difficult?

Why do you have to make so many mistakes at once?

“y/n, we need your help” Dottie's voice interrupted you two. Her voice seemed worried. “Betty is way too drunk, it’s better if we go home now” she explained, a little suspicious of your both body languages. You nodded.

“Alright, let’s go. Nice to meet you Lando, hope to talk to you another time though so it’s not that depressing. I promise im fun” you said a bit funny but hurried. Your friend first, always. You kissed his cheek quickly. He laughed about your comment.

“Oh yea, she is,” Dottie added, supporting you in a smile.

“Hope to see you again sometime, Y/n. good luck with your friend” he said to both of you and after smiling at him you went into the party again.

“D, I think I'm in love,” you said excitedly.

“What?”

⋆˚࿔ it’s time to go 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

⋆˚࿔ the fucking tuesday 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

Arriving in monaco again at 11 am has never felt so good in your entire life. A trip that started like a dream to remember, turned into a nightmare you couldn’t forget but all you wanted to was to forget about it. Just pretend it never existed and erase everything you did wrong that Saturday night.

You missed your house (your safe place),and you needed its comfort more than you would like to admit. Your brain was a mess. You couldn’t stop thinking about charles driving you to your friend’s house then the memory just fading away and inturning into him saying non stop i met someone. You felt you were going insane when you remembered Franco's skin on yours and how good and warm it felt. How you kissed his abs. And then how you got so scared. His face was printed in ink in your subconscious. You could only see sadness, shame, and a bit of hatred. You were sure at that moment he hated you. Like you humiliate him a bit. You felt so bad about it you couldn’t even face him. You really wanted to say sorry but you just didn’t want to see him straight in the eyes. Shame was tattooed all over your body. How could you?

Then your mind was reminded of Lando's existence and you just wanted to punch yourself in the face. What the hell happened with you at that party? Was the fernet that Franco prepared? You wanted to blame anything except yourself. You didn’t understand yourself either. Like your feelings and thoughts couldn’t agree on anything. Like you had split personality issues.

Yes, you liked lando way too much probably in those few minutes at the gallery. But then there was Franco that you now were confused about how you felt about him. Because you really liked to kiss him. To touch him. To feel him close to you in that way.

And then there was still charles.

You were really tired of thinking already you just had to put taylor swift on your headphones.you took the bus that left you one block away from your house. You don't want to call anyone to pick you up. You texted A and she told you that. You didn’t understand why she did it. But it overwhelmed you for sure. You just wanted to retreat from life like forever.

When you finally got home you went straight into bed. When you touched your pillow you started crying. And that’s how you fell asleep scared to have another nightmare.

⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

Charles watched Carlos leaving his phone on the counter with a weird face “everything alright mate?” he asked. Carlos nodded and smiled.

“Yeah, did you send the invitation to everyone you know?” he asked, grabbing the box with vodka bottles and taking them to the fridge.

“Yeah, it’s gonna be a crazy wild night” Charles said excitedly trying to not let his anxiety control his mood right now. He wanted to have fun and purposely forget about everything with alcohol. A lot of it. As much as possible.

⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

The music was so loud that Charles could barely listen to what the blonde girl in front of him was talking about but he didn’t care that much. He was already bored by the third girl Carlos introduced him to. He knows Carlos just has good intentions but he was already convinced no one will captivate him the way you did. Not even if they tried to imitate you. Since he saw you again he couldn’t forget your scent. The way you smiled to your nephews. How you treated them and how he was confused for a moment if they were your children. He always knew you wanted to be a mother and for what he saw he was sure you would be the best one out there. He wanted to forget about you he really did. But he was also sure life hated him. He wanted to rebuild his life and leave behind the damage he caused, but then there was you again in that fucking restaurant. And in that moment he knew all too well it would drive him insane. And he felt like it. He believed it.

The girl notices he wasn’t paying attention to her. Charles was playing with his glass of whiskey. Her face looked annoyed and disappointed. Charles didn’t care. She told him she needed to go to the bathroom and disappeared for the rest of the night. He drank his whole glass in one take. He just wanted to drown in alcohol right there and vaish from life. From everyone who knew him.

He saw Carlos dancing la macarena with his group of spanish friends that came for the holidays. He was enjoying himself around. Rebecca, his girlfriend, was there as well, matching hia freak. And for a moment he felt something he never felt before and he didn't like it at all. He felt envious. He wanted to have his life. Be him. Have the girl of his dreams dancing around with him. His friends were here but not with him. And he didn’t even like to dance. And don't have anyone to have sex with. Then he felt miserable. Angry with life itself.he was disappointed. He felt he let down everyone in his life. And the proof was that damn book she wrote. He was a coward. And everyone knew about it; they just didn't know it was him all along. And when the truth comes out then his life will be ended.

He swallowed hard and stood up to grab more whiskey. This time he was drinking from the bottle. He pushed himself aside from the party and sat near the pool even if he was freezing. He didn’t care anymore if he got sick or died. He was extreme. He looked at your balcony and wanted to cry. He wanted to cry like a child. Throw punches and scream. He felt there was no way to fix his life. He regretted breaking you so much. He always knew this was everything to you. You were so caring and always there for him and his whole family. He also knew he broke his mum. She loves you deeply. You were like her daughter, the one she never had. The one he and dad would have loved to have if they could choose the sex of their children. Remembering his dad broke him. He started crying. If he was here he knew he would be disappointed in him. Not because of his career (he made history) but because he isn’t with a good woman. He doesn't have kids either. And he now believed he didn't even have a future.

He looked again at your balcony. The lights were off. He didn’t know if you were there or not. If you had a lover. Or even if you have him blocked on social media. And that’s when curiosity won over him. What if he tried to search for your name on instagram? He was sure someone he knew, knew you as well. Monaco is too little to not have those coincidences on the daily.

He searched the first letters of your name and then saw that his ex, alexandra followed you. He felt weird about it and his face showed confusion with his eyebrows. He clicked on your profile and started stalking you. You still paint and have a piano. You used to play piano together. Actually, you taught him. You were the best professor he had ever had. He smiled looking at pictures of random dogs you found on the streets and with your nephews. You built a new family away from your actual family. That made him happy for a second. He knew after both of your parents died, you didn’t get along so well with your siblings. But he didn’t know if it was still like that. He saw how successful you were. How your book was a bestseller and how it would be a movie produced by universal. He was surprised. He would have never expected this outcome. Back in the day you were an art teacher for children and had a studio where you gave those lessons. Children loved you so much. He remembered their bright smiles when the parents came around to pick them up. He admired you so much for it. He even fantasizes that one day that face so bright and happy will be the one your children will have everytime they look at their mother. He wanted to be a father with you. But then alex came around and fucked it all up. Or well he actually did. And he still couldn’t understand why he did it.

Alex Was beautiful, he couldn’t deny that. She also loved him dearly. She was in love with him. And he thought he was with her. But then everything spiraled down and collapsed. He met her at that partymax verstappen threw to celebrate he was an official f1 driver for red bull. He invited everyone he ever met along his life. You couldn’t go because you had to take an exam the following morning. And that’s when it happened. She was dancing with her group of friends. She also had a boyfriend. And we talked and sparks were there. And then Charles got all confused. And they kissed. And he had already cheated by the time he realized that it was wrong. And then he couldn't stop. And his life went to shit.

He didn’t realize he was sobbing until he felt his teardrops stain his creme pants. He was using a fancy outfit. He looked really good. But as everything he touched, he also ruined that too in that moment. And because he was so busy feeling miserable, he didn’t realize the police were already at carlos’ door wanting to shut down the party. I mean, it was a tuesday night of a working week after all.

⋆˚࿔ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

When Charles got closer to Carlos, he was already shouting at the police officers like a crazy man. He was drunk for sure and the policeman knew about it too. No perfume will ever smell like that. Not in Monaco of course.

“Then tell me, who will call? I need to know who to call. I never do parties and then once I do I can't and it’s not fair. I need to know who called you, it's my right as a citizen "Carlos was verbose and angry.

“Carlos it’s okay, how much should we pay you to let us have a party?” Charles intervenes trying to look not drunk at all but failing in each word. Police men looked at each other, annoyed by these two men.

“That would be a crime, sir” the police officer with a beard that looked disgusting in charles’ opinion, answered him. He kind of felt offended.

“Then who it was!!” Carlos was losing it and Charles was scared they would take him to jail right there.

“Your neighbor” the other one talked now pointing his fingers to his right. His right.

Your house was at his right. You called the cops. At that moment he felt he was about to faint. He was sure he was white. The policemen looked at him weird. Carlos then started walking. If you were in a cartoon show he would have smoke coming out his head right now. He walked fast towards your hose. Charles panicked and followed him desperate. Carlos started banging your door so he could tell you things.

“Carlos, nono. Let’s just go home, c’mon "Charles tried to convince Carlos but he was determined and ignored him. He won’t let you ruin his party. His celebration. His opportunity to present a woman for his friend to be happy. The one he taught you ruined. Becausehe couldn’t be over you. And he saw all of this as if you were now not letting him be able to in a very twisted way.

Charles was scared and worried when he saw your light turning on by the minute. His eyes wanting to leave his face when he saw you in your marvel pajamas again. Your hair was a mess and your face had the darkest circles under your eyes. Your face puffy as if you were crying or you did before you went to sleep and then they woke you up. No he felt as guilty as when he realized he left the love of his life stuck in that fucking restaurant you both loved so much.

“What the fuck is wrong with you bitch? Huh? Stop torturing my friend!” carlos said aggressively the moment he saw you when you opened the door.

⋆˚࿔ TO BE CONTINUED 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

chapter six: coming soon.

tag list: @a-beaverhausen , @annaluna12 , @thehoplessromanticclub , @emryb , @hadids-world , @kaztheemyth , @freyathehuntress , @diorbrxtz , @theseerbetweenus , @sie17136 , @leila-030304 , @charlesgirl16 , @ricciardosheart , @weekendlusting

author’s note: hope you all have a merry christmas ❤️ and that you like this chapter as much as I do !

thank you everyone for reading and sharing what I write. I really really appreciate it!

if you wanna be part of the tag list just leave a comment!

see you on the next chapter :)

Don’t forget to like, reblog or comment! And follow me so we can be friends! (And drink mate together) <3

80 notes · View notes

sgiandubh · 1 day ago

Note

Heughan’s voice is as smooth as his whisky. His latest venture is his multi-award-winning whisky and gin, ‘The Sassenach’, the Gaelic word for ‘outsider’. He feels he is an outsider to the industry, but the idea behind the name seems to have emerged from his mother, who is an English artist and was called ‘Sassenach’ when she arrived in New Galloway, and in Outlander, Jamie Fraser calls his wife Sassenach as s term of endearment. “The name is very special to me,” he tells me.

Perhaps the video he recorded at Everest Base Camp was for his mother ?She's on IG too and we know Sam loves her so much and sometimes doesn't call her Mum but Chrissie. Cait is not a Sassenach because she's Irish. Sam calling her the Original Sassenach it's because of her character, Claire and he recently stated Caitriona is nothing like Claire (SheKnows interview). Either way it's not a big deal so don't blame me. It's just a thought and cute anyway .

Dear Sassenach Anon,

Let me count the ways. Quoting from memory first we had ' She [C] is the original Sassenach' (at one of the seasons' premieres in London, where he brought a bottle and waxed lyrical to the press over it). Then, we had 'Sassenach means foreigner in Scots Gaelic and it's a term of endearment of Jamie Fraser, the character I am playing in OL, for his wife' (numerous times for various media outlets). Then, 'I am the Sassenach, I always felt as an outsider, but also Jamie Fraser's term of endearment for his wife, Claire' (ditto). And then 'the name emerged from his mother who is an English artist and was called ‘Sassenach’ when she arrived in New Galloway, and in Outlander, Jamie Fraser calls his wife Sassenach as s term of endearment.'

The Arbuturian is a well regarded online magazine, founded in 2009 and based in London. It looks and reads to me as The New Yorker's slightly more plebeian, younger cousin of sorts - check their masthead mascot...

... and remember (ROFLMAO) The New Yorker's Eustace Tilley, its illustrious inspiration:

By the way, Eustace Tilley, one of my favorite dandies, was itself inspired by an engraving of the French count Alfred d'Orsay, by a certain... James Fraser, sometime around 1830. I kid you not and yes, totally Clan Fraser, born near Inverness:

Can't make this shite up, even if you wanted, huh?

Anyways, back to your question and this little media outlet that could. Its targeted audience is, according to Wikipedia:

In sociological lingo, AB means an educated mid-to high level management audience, with a hefty disposable income to boot (usually more than 1 million £/year net revenue). All it takes is a short stroll through their Lifestyle pages: according to them, among this year's most sought after Xmas gifts gimmicks are a Turnbull & Asser silk pocket square (£75) for him or a £200 voucher for Fairmont Windsor Park’s Ultimate Diamond Facial, for her.

This interview's one and only raison d'être was to sound appealing to this particular dinkie (double income, no kids) Generation X audience, especially as far as his booze was concerned. For he was on booze promo mode here and he obviously twisted a bit whatever (I repeat: whatever) his real motivation behind the brand name might have been to the least controversial possible version. It's hard to question or throw shite at this mum version, let alone at a version involving a heroic single parent as Chrissie H, let alone at Christmas time. This allowed him, at the same time, to elegantly keep his personal life away and separate between business and private: something he should have been doing since the very start. But S is a sentimental man and a people pleaser - we all know that, don't we?

It was important for S to be featured in this London online magazine, read by the same people he was once serving drinks to, at parties. It's all about aspirations, social climbing and being a part of that crowd. Finally!

And you, darling, are a troll, despite your protesting. I nevertheless hope this answered your very transparently targeted question, in the spirit of Christmas. Otherwise, it would have landed in the bin, where it probably belongs.

PS: Caitriona is Caitriona, probably nothing like Claire, indeed and thank God! Being 'like Claire Fraser' was certainly not what prompted the coup de foudre - I daresay, quite the contrary. Sorry, darling, to pop your bubble, but this is not exactly how the real world works.

Later edit: if the entire Everest trek was something 'just for himself', then the recorded video was also 'just for himself'. The reason he posted it on Instagram was to probably childishly rejoice/brag he finally made it and damn the consequences. Use a bit of logic.

#anon #fandom #shitshow #business #booze wars #Arbuturian interview December 2024

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lured-into-wonderland · 3 days ago

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“Preferences for a mug for today or for a mug that we are going to get for me soon?” – she asked cheerfully; it would be too much to say that Nunnally got used to this kind of conversation with Ravein, when she had to fill in gaps or missing information. She had never considered herself to be too good at it, but it wasn't that she minded it too much either.

She had always lived in an environment clouded with secrecy, although Nunnally might not have been always aware of it. Though she perceived Ravein secretive, she didn't see his silent nature in the same way as she was thinking about her own father. Mr. Ambly des Ayvalles. Her father.

Even during the times she believed he was merely a successful businessman, her father had spoken little, often leaving her to guess or figure things out on her own. Perhaps he thought he had been clear enough? Nunnally could never truly decide. The ambiguity of his words and actions created a veil of mystery around him; one she rarely dared to penetrate. Even back then. When he was j u s t her father. It was now much clearer for her as she reflected on her childhood and early teen years trying to identify what had gone so wrong. After she had learnt the truth...

With her father, she preferred not to ask questions, fearing the disappointment of trying and failing to understand (or rather to please) him. His silence was a wall she had learned to navigate around rather than to confront. This unspoken distance between them left her feeling isolated (unhappy even), always yearning for a connection that seemed just out of reach.

In contrast, Roberto’s kitchen, with its warm, inviting atmosphere, offered a different environment. Here, she felt (more) comfortable and relaxed, even though she was surrounded by unfamiliar things and sights. The presence of Ravein added a layer of comfort, a stark difference from the guarded interactions she had grown accustomed to at home. Or rather in her life in general.

Probably that was the reason Nunnally continued speaking not really giving Ravein any time to proceed with a reply in his notebook.

“Any mug will do for now…I like the thin edges though…”

A pause.

“I like all various shades of blues…Oranges or reds…” – true, she liked intense colours, but it was also a sort of a new situation for her, when she was to decide what she wanted. She had learnt not to care about details like that. But her very own mug here… Well, that was a much more difficult decision in Nunnally's eyes.

What would she like?

Initially she had thought 'birds' or 'ladybugs' or 'polka dots'. While she would surely like all of them, Nunnally suddenly thought they might be too a v e r a g e for a special occasion like this one: getting her mug here. But what would be special?

“Anything that you choose Ravein…” – she said realizing that it was not about the mug but about getting it together with him – “You know…” – she continued slightly surprising herself with that – “It’s not really about the mug but about getting it with you…”

“But I like birds… and intense colors…” – Nunnally added, feeling unusually relaxed. In her ease, she reached out to fix his hair, a gesture so natural for her that she forgot to be cautious. Though he showed no visible reaction, the moment she withdrew her hand, she realized her mistake. She should have asked for p e r m i s s i o n before touching him. She suddenly remembered how uncomfortable Ravein was with anyone, except perhaps Roberto, invading his personal space. Though was he comfortable with Roberto? She had never witnessed these two interacting without her being involved (mainly in a bad way), so she could not be sure either.

The realization brought a faint flush of embarrassment onto her cheeks. She had overstepped a boundary. Again. What was a causal form of intimacy for her, was probably something else for Ravein. Nunnally had only hoped that he would understand that her gesture had come from a place of affection and not disregard for his feelings.: --

“I…I am sorry.” – she hoped he would understand what she was apologizing for as she didn’t find it in herself to provide more explanation.

And she simply focused on preparing the drinks. Though his return to his chair poured some hope that her overstepping was not as much unwelcomed as she initially had thought.

He was confused. What was so funny? A small head tilt to the side as he stared at Nunnally laughing. He could tell that somehow she was laughing at something involving him, but it didn’t bother him any. He didn’t sense any mal-intent behind her laughter, but perhaps she found something silly or endearing that caused her laughter. Whatever the case, it was better than seeing her upset earlier, so this was a nice change of pace.

For the most part, he kept out of her way as much as he could by sitting down on the stool, watching as she’d move about in the kitchen, trying to figure her way around to prepare to beverages: one for himself and the other for Roberto. The latter had gone to attend to the customers out at front, and he remained in the kitchen with Nunnally, watching her every move with curiosity and interest.

It was interesting how Nunnally had started to hum a song, one that was unfamiliar to him, but he had to admit that it was a pleasant tune. It felt like it was one that brought her joy, or was reminiscent of happier times in her life- and if that were the case, he’d be happy. The mindless humming or singing often were signs of being in a pleasant mood, so it was nice to see that she must have felt comfortable enough to start humming.

Yes, for anyone who knew Roberto and Ravein for any amount of time, they probably would have a good guess which mug belonged to whom, but they may have still ben surprised that Ravein would choose such a cute mug for himself.

What would be a fitting mug for Nunnally? Ravein wasn’t very sure, but he somehow had an image of flowers suiting her, maybe something with brighter colors. There was also something that told him that maybe she’d like a cute animal theme as well… maybe a cat or a bear? Those were cute, and people liked those (this is what he gathered from the times that Roberto would do art on drinks for kids, they usually asked for things like cats or cute bears).

She didn't have a dedicated mug for herself now, but he and Roberto could probably find one for her soon. Her mug from before was left at the table, so for now... they should choose another one for her.

[Okay] [Preferences?]

The ex-assassin has always been acutely aware of his surroundings and is sensitive to the movement of others, so he noticed when Nunnaly turned to him and moved closer to him. Trained in keeping his emotions steady, he didn’t reveal a change of expression, nor could anyone notice if his body went stiff at her approach. Perhaps the only thing one could notice was that for a few seconds, he held his breath.

When she moved some locks of hair out of his face, he blinked in surprise. He was unnerved by the approach, but it was a testament that he was willing to trust her in the way that he allowed her to even touch him. He really was doing his best to learn to trust her and to feel safe around her- despite the ‘family business’.

Getting up from his seat, he walked over to where Roberto kept his coffee beans and opened the cabinet to reveal an assortment of containers full of coffee beans, all neatly labelled with their origin, the roast, and the date of when they were procured. He returned to his seat afterwards, returning to being a quiet observer once again. Not that he ever really made much sound to begin with.

#ravein #nunnally #verse: mafia #fightingthetides #[ mentioned: roberto. ]#overthnking #overthinking...constant overthinking

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aychama · 1 day ago

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So Ruri got Isekaied into the royal AU, does that mean if game Lambert revived her she would be brought back too the game world, or does she have to die first in the royal AU too get revived into the game world? And could it work the other way around?

Ruri's cause of death can be multiple cult related reasons that I havent settled on yet but when she died, she met The One Who Waits. And even to his surprise some weird wacky stuff happened and Ruri woke up in her new body!

Because her soul was lost, she cannot be revived back! And The Lamb cannot get her back either 🥲

So if she dies, she dies!

If you die in gane, you die in real life 😔

#ask #royal au ask

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mymoodwriting · 23 hours ago

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6k, ANGST, angel!Felix, fallen angel, mentions of death, mentions of angelic weapons, fatal injuries, domestic life, star-crossed lovers, mystery illness, character death, tragic ending, YOU WILL CRY (@starillusion13)

I think about you saving me every night…

Felix took in a deep breath as he regained consciousness, feeling the cold ground beneath him as he found himself at the center of a crater. His body ached, but that was the least of his worries. He rolled over and got onto his hands and knees, his fingers digging into the dirt. It was dark out, and he was surrounded by trees under a moonless night, but at least there was the small glow of the stars. He sat on his legs after steading his breath, staring up at the sky. A moment ago he had been up there, and now he was down on Earth. It wasn’t his first time here, but his circumstances were unique. Felix closed his eyes and took a shaky breath, wondering what to do as he thought back to how he wound up a fallen.

✷

As an angel Felix lived a rather extraordinary life. The stories about them on Earth could be far-fetched, but some things were accurate. He certainly had wings, and was one of Heaven’s soldiers. His task specifically would bring him down to Earth every now and then as he was a hunter. Demonic creatures would cause all kinds of chaos in the human world, disrupting the natural order of things. So to maintain balance those demons needed to be cleansed. Although there was a caveat. As a divine being angels couldn’t just interfere with human lives carelessly. The demons in question needed to be messing with innocent lives before they were allowed to step in. Because of such things, Felix found himself at a gruesome scene more times than he’d like to admit.

Some demons did walk among humans, but as long as they weren’t messing with innocent people at their own wim, they were left alone. Of course humans were also capable of summoning demons for their own gain, and nothing could be done about that either. They had free will and were left to do as they pleased with their lives. If that involved making a deal with a demon for their own soul, so be it. In a situation like that an angel could not interfere, only watch and see what happened. It wasn’t until innocent blood was spilled that they could draw their blades. On this occasion Felix and his team came to a cabin in the woods. He already knew there were casualties.

Their work entailed them being swift and silent, getting their job done without being noticed and returning home. Once the demon in question had been dealt with they did one last sweep of the area. As Felix was walking around he heard a woman cry for help. Out of curiosity he followed the voice, finding a woman crying while holding another in her arms. She screamed out for someone to save her lover, that it should have been her instead. Felix knew the circumstances here. Multiple people had been brought to this location as a sacrifice, and lives had been lost before they showed up. The woman in the arms of her lover was still breathing, but faintly, suffering from multiple lacerations. Her fate dictated she would not live. After a moment of watching Felix intended to leave, only to be caught peeking.

“Please! Please, help her! Please! She can’t die!”

The woman stared into his eyes through her tear filled vision, crying and begging. What he was supposed to do in this situation was walk away, but he couldn’t find it in his heart to do that. So he made his way towards the two, kneeling before them. His hand gently caressed the face of the injured woman before he placed it atop her head. A faint golden glow emanated from his palm. The wounds began to close and the woman took in a deep breath opening her eyes. The sounds of agony were quickly replaced by disbelief and joy.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Felix knew what he had done was wrong. He was messing with the balance of things, but he had seen too much death that he could no longer stand by and do nothing. In the blink of an eye he was gone, gathering with his team at the rendezvous and then returning home. His actions lingered in his mind a bit. He could think he had gotten away with his little stunt for the moment, but the truth would always surface. In this case he didn’t have to wait long. As soon as he was back in Heaven he was met with a slap across the face. One strong enough to knock him down to his hands and knees. He bit his lip, not wanting to retaliate or seem incapable of taking a hit. He took a second to compose himself before looking up at his team leader.

“We do not interfere with human lives!”

“Her injuries weren’t that severe. If she had been treated she would have survived.”

“If that human was to live, another human would be the one to save them, not an angel. You cannot interfere with fate!”

“I didn’t, I just helped her a bit.”

“That’s all it takes.”

“Then I’ll accept my punishment accordingly…”

“Will you now? Do you even understand what you’ve done?”

“The humans believe us to be healers and saviors, I can’t live up to that?”

“You follow orders and maintain balance, nothing else. If you cannot do that, then you are not fit to be an angel.”

“What?”

Felix was suddenly pulled up to his feet by his teammates, held up as his leader summoned a dagger. Before he could truly process the situation the blade was buried in his chest.

“If you care so much about the humans, then go live in their world, and be one of them.”

✷

Felix inhaled sharply as he felt the sting of his wound, gripping his chest tightly. The blood had mostly dried up, but a bit of it was still fresh. He needed to treat it before it got worse. He carefully got up on his feet, stumbling a bit before he got his footing, although that didn’t last long. Felix collapsed back onto the ground, landing on his stomach. After a moment he got onto his hands and knees, ultimately crawling out of the crater. Once he was out he sat by the edge, looking back up at the sky for a bit before checking on his wings. They were still present, but he could see they were fading away. He had been banished, cast out, meaning he was no longer an angel, and was slowly losing the last of his power.

The truth was a banished angel could not survive on Earth unless they became a fallen. They had to succumb to corruption in order to live, or else they’d slowly wither away. The problem there was that a fallen was created when a banished angel killed a human. Only by taking the life of an innocent person could Felix continue living. He’d never do that, so as he sat alone in the middle of nowhere he accepted his fate. It was only natural that this would be his end. For a very long time Felix had been different from the other angels. They always followed the rules and did as they were told. Angels were meant to be Heaven’s soldiers, they weren’t there to serve humanity, but unlike the others, Felix did like humans.

He found himself fascinated by their fragility and will, seeing all they accomplish in their short lives. This care for humans was seen as a weakness, so Felix kept it to himself, but he always knew it would get him in trouble one day. That time was now. It seemed his fellow angels decided to cast him out so he could live out the remainder of his days living as a human, among the humans he cared so much for. As awful as it was to be kicked out of the only place Felix has ever called home, he would accept his fate. Felix sighed and laid down on the cold dirt ground below. He was out in the middle of nowhere. There wasn’t a kind angel who would come to save him, so it was likely he would not see the sun rise. Felix took in a breath of fresh air, closing his eyes and not fighting. He didn’t mind going quietly into the void.

✷

The sounds of birds chirping was very unexpected. Felix curiously peeked one eye open, finding his surroundings to be completely different. He was no longer lying in the dark surrounded by trees under the starlight, but instead was on a stranger’s bed, bathed in the morning sunlight. As he sat up, his eyes adjusting, he found himself to be clean, and his wound tended to and bandaged. The clothes he wore were unfamiliar, and then he was startled by the sound of his stomach growling. That was a first for him. He took in the rest of his surroundings, seeming to find himself in someone’s bedroom.

Felix carefully pulled back the blanket and got out of bed, wincing a bit from his wound. He placed a hand on his chest and walked towards the door. It seemed he opened the wrong one as he found a bathroom on the other side, so he went to the other one. Now he stepped out into a hall, hearing some sounds and deciding to follow it. As he made it to the end of the small passage he came into a bigger area, seeing what he believed to be a small living room area, and an open kitchen. There he seemed to find answers. A woman was in the kitchen, preparing something on the stove with her back to him.

“Excuse me…”

“Oh! You’re awake! Why are you up!? You should be resting.”

The woman in question lowered the flame on the stove, rushing over to him and starting to guide him back the way he came. Although Felix had questions.

“I’m alright, but, uh, where am I?”

“You’re not alright. You were attacked. Come on, back to bed, I can answer your questions there.”

Felix didn’t get much of a say here, and ultimately wound up back in the bed he had woken up in. The woman tucked him back in, checking his temperature.

“Good, no fever, how are you feeling?”

“Fine… besides some minor aches, but you haven’t answered my question, where am I?”

“Ah, right, sorry. It must be weird waking up in a random person’s house. My bad, uh, well, my name is y/n, you’re in my home. I found you out in the woods on my way home last night and saw your injuries, so I brought you here. I treated your wounds and gave you a bath. I swear I was respectful and didn’t see anything as I cleaned you and dressed you.”

“I see… well, thank you… you’re very kind…”

“No problem. I couldn’t just leave you out there… uh… may I ask your name?”

“Yes, yes, of course, I’m Felix.”

“It’s nice to meet you, although I suppose the circumstances could be better. I’ll be done with your breakfast in a few minutes, so just stay here, please.”

Felix was touched by your soft smile and shy demeanor. He didn’t expect to ever wake again, but he didn’t mind being in your presence at all. While he waited for you he found himself staring out the window that you had left open for him. He could see endless rows of trees, birds and other creatures roaming around. It seemed he was still out in the woods. For a moment he wondered how far he was from where he landed. Felix stared down at his hands. He could no longer feel his angelic powers, and he could sense his wings were gone. He was human, and he was dying. He had no idea how long he would live, but he didn’t mind spending them here.

“I made porridge.”

“It smells delicious.”

You came into the room with a tray for eating in bed, setting it up for Felix. You grabbed one of the bowls sitting down on the edge of the bed, eagerly waiting for Felix to take a bite. He thanked you for the food and then grabbed the bowl, taking a small bite. He has eaten human food before, but this was different. The first bite was, for lack of a better word, divine. It was so delicious it didn’t compare to anything else he had ever tried before. His eyes lit up and he smiled brightly.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

The two of you ate in relative silence, just sharing a meal together. Although as he finished up he had more questions.

“If I may, how exactly did you find me? I was in the middle of nowhere.”

“I kinda live in the middle of nowhere too. I just… saw something odd last night and stumbled upon you. I’m glad I did.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Alright. I’m gonna let you rest up and heal. I’ll open the window for you too so you can get some fresh air. If you need anything, just yell for me.”

“Okay, thank you. Really.”

“Sleep well.”

It was rather strange for Felix to lay back with the intention of sleeping. He never needed to do so as an angel. Still, in this moment sleep was calling to him, so he closed his eyes, intending to wake up again later. Felix wasn’t really sure he was gonna get any better, but to his own surprise, he was. When you came to change his bandage later, he could see that the wound wasn’t as severe. Perhaps the last of his angelic power had healed him a bit. A few days later he was on his feet and moving around the house and getting to know you.

“Why do you live out here by yourself?”

“I like the peace and quiet. Besides, I need the space for my work.”

“Apologies, I’ve been here for so long now but I never even asked what you did with your time.”

“It’s okay, you were focused on healing. I’m a gardener. I grow some flowers and berries in my greenhouses in the back. I sell them in the town market and even take some commissions to design special bouquets for people. I’ll show you.”

You took Felix into your backyard, showing him the four greenhouses you had. He found it quite beautiful, seeing all the flowers you grew, especially the roses. You noticed his intrigue and grabbed your flower clippers, giving him a red rose. When you showed him the berries you let him pick some to eat. You weren’t used to having company, but you liked his presence.

“I don’t have much when it comes to clothes, but I did buy you somethings in the market.”

“This is more than enough, I appreciate it.”

Once Felix was in a better condition he joined you as you went about your day. He’d help you tend to your flowers and berries, watering the plants and learning how to maintain them. He didn’t know how to cook, but you had no problem showing him the basics. He seemed so childish at times, and it always brought a smile to your face.

“Y/n…”

“Hm?”

“How come… you haven’t asked me questions…?”

“What do you mean?”

“Besides my name, you haven’t asked me about my injury or how-”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to explain yourself or anything. I just wanted to help. You haven’t done anything bad thus far, so you’re a good person. You don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to, and I won’t pry for an explanation. Just take things slow, one day at a time.”

Even if Felix would want to tell you the truth, there was no point to it. For the time being he felt fine, but he knew that wouldn’t last. Any day now he could simply collapse, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to burden you with his sudden departure. Now that he was more or less in a better state his plan was to leave, but he couldn’t really bring himself to do it. Every day he spent with you was so wonderful. Such a beautiful human living a happy and fulfilling life, it warmed his heart. He didn’t want to do anything to hurt you, but leaving didn’t really seem to be a path he could take. It took him a while to realize the soft gazes and content smiles, there wasn’t just happiness in your eyes, but something more. He felt it too. He had been feeling it for a while, but he did not know it was love until now.

At some point he did mention leaving, in passing, and you quietly, and nervously, let him know that he did not need to leave anytime soon. He’d take you up on that offer, deciding to stay and see where things led. From there your relationship changed, the two of you growing closer. Felix learned your craft, working alongside you and creating such wonderful things. He saw the world in a new light. No matter how many centuries he spent watching over humans, he knew nothing at all.

Only now that he walked among them, as one of them, could he really know what it was like to be human. Felix was starting to believe the legends of banished angels were all false. Perhaps those that had been cast out before him chose death or corruption instead of living as a human. He could understand that, for they probably didn’t have a human to show them the best of the world. He was lucky, although he would soon find himself facing the tragedies that humanity carried. One morning he woke first, holding you in his arms. He pressed a soft kiss to your head, moving down to your lips only to see blood.

Panic immediately overtook him, and he shook you awake. You seemed groggy, but you were alive, and that’s what mattered. He checked you over, and you appeared to be okay, but that didn’t explain the blood. A while later you felt better, and didn’t seem to know what was going on either. Felix thought it was just some freak incident, he hoped that was the case, but it wasn’t. A few days later while tending to the garden together you had a coughing fit that ended with blood in your hand. He ushered you back into the house despite you insisting you were alright.

“Y/n, you need to see a doctor.”

“I’m fine… really…”

“I may not know much, but this can’t be normal, or good.”

“It’ll pass…”

“Please, let us get you some medical assistance.”

You did as Felix asked, going into town to see a doctor. Although all the tests came back negative. They weren’t sure what was wrong with you, and recommended going to the city to one of the bigger hospitals to get a diagnosis. Felix was immediately on board, but you were a bit weary of the whole thing, which he could not understand.

“Why don’t you want to go to the hospital?” Felix questioned. “You could be dying. We need to get you treated.”

“I… I know… but…”

“But what? Y/n, please.”

“You don’t just start coughing up blood… and get better… I know something is wrong, but I feel fine. If we go to the hospital, we could end up there for days and… my work…”

“I can take care of it.”

“And I don’t want to lose time with you.”

“Y/n…”

Felix wished for nothing more to have his angelic powers back in this moment, so he could heal you, fate be damned. Yet he stood before you as a human being, unable to do anything to help you. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself here. If anything, he was the one who was supposed to die between you. This felt like a cruel twist of fate.

“Can we just… drop the conversation for now.”

“Fine, but we’ll come back to it.”

“I know. Now, I need to get a bouquet ready for a client.”

“I’ll be with you shortly.”

Felix didn’t know what to do here, how to convince you that going to the hospital was the best option. He could only reflect and see his own faults. He had nothing to offer you. All this time you had been the one taking care of him. You gave him a home, food, care, love, and he was failing to do the same in some areas. He needed to figure out some way to convince you, but for now he would be your support and care for you as best he could. Maybe this was just some fluke, and you’d be alright in the end, but for now he’d just focus on the present.

“Felix, we need to talk.”

As soon as Felix stepped out to the backyard a familiar face approached him. Fear overtook him, and he immediately looked towards the green house you would be in. His actions were noticed, and the others merely put their hands up.

“I’m not here to hurt you, or her… just talk.”

Next thing Felix knew you stepped out of the green house, and he quickly rushed over to your side, shielding you from the intruder. You were confused by Felix’s actions, then noticed the stranger in your yard.

“Felix-”

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“What’s going on…”

“I’m only here to speak with Felix.” The other spoke. “I mean no harm. I’ve come alone.”

“How did you find me, Mikael…”

“Do you truly think it would be difficult? You’re not really hiding.”

“What do you want!?”

“May we speak, privately that is.”

“Felix… I don’t like this…”

“Everything’s gonna be just fine.” Felix assured. “Just stay here… I’ll deal with this.”

“Felix-”

“Trust me, please.”

“Okay…”

You went back into the green house to continue your work. Felix went with Mikael to the front of the house, walking down the dirt road, putting some distance between them and the house. Felix was a bit nervous. After all this time an archangel has shown up before him.

“Are you here to kill me? I’m not a fallen.”

“I meant it when I said I mean you no harm, Felix.” Mikael explained. “I’m here to bring you home.”

“What? That’s not possible, I was banished and that-”

“No, you weren’t.”

“Huh?”

“Your superior injured you with an angelic weapon, draining you of your power. When you were unconscious they sealed away your angelic essence, thus making you human. They merely threw you from the Heavens, the Heavens themselves did not banish you, which is why you are still alive despite everything. Well, technically it’s because of that human that you are still alive.”

“I don’t understand…”

“What you did on your last hunt was wrong, and your superior took it upon themselves to punish you for it, which is not the Heavens way. Your crimes should have been brought to the court, and a decision would be made there.”

“So you want to take me back to be sentenced…”

“Not quite. The actions of your superior were called into question, and are currently being investigated. Your situation has already been given a resolution.”

“Which is…”

“Despite what you did, you didn’t actually interfere with that woman’s fate. If you had walked away, as your task dictates, the woman’s lover would have done everything to save her, doing just enough to keep her alive until help arrived. She was not fated to die that day. Therefore your crimes were not as severe as your superior believed them to be, which is why your case should have been brought to the court in the first place. Considering what was done to you, the court has decided you have served your sentence down here on Earth, and should now return.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes. Your full angelic powers will be restored, although you will be removed from your post as a hunter.”

“I see…”

“I understand you’ve made connections while on Earth, but this is not where you belong. Without meaning to, you have changed the fate of the woman you’ve been with. You will not be punished for that, but you must return to Heaven.”

“I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“No. The alternative would truly be banishment, and you will die if you don’t become a fallen. This should have never happened to you.”

“I know… y/n… she’s ill…”

“We cannot heal her.”

“Of course… can I at least say goodbye?”

“You may.”

Felix returned to the cabin by himself, Mikael telling him that he would wait for him down the road. As he made his way back he thought about what to say, or better yet how to say it. By now he had more or less accepted his life as a human, and let go of his angelic beginnings. There was no reason to ever tell the truth, but now he had to, it was only right, even if it was part of his goodbye. Felix found you exactly where he left you, tending to your flowers in one of the greenhouses. He knocked, just to give you a heads up, before stepping inside.

“Y/n…”

“You’re going home, aren’t you?”

“What? I-”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain, it’s only right for an angel to return to Heaven…”

“An angel? Wait, you knew? This whole time?”

“Of course… the night I found you… I was driving home when I saw a streak of light in the sky. I thought it was a meteor yet I was intrigued to see for myself. I made my way to the crash site and there I found a beautiful creature with wings, injured and on the verge of death. I was never much of a believer but I couldn’t deny the angel before me. I couldn’t let you die, so I brought you home and tended to your wounds. Of course once you were better you didn’t say anything about what happened to you, or who you were, so I wasn’t going to ask. It didn’t seem to matter since you had no intentions to leave, but… a part of me always knew you’d go back, you had to, who was I to keep an angel by my side.”

“That’s why… I did always think it was strange you never questioned me about my life before you… although at the same time I was grateful.”

“I doubt I could truly understand your life if you did tell me.” You chuckled lightly. “You can’t stay… right?”

“I’m afraid not… I am very grateful for all you’ve done for me, but I must ask a favor.”

“Anything.”

“Go to the hospital, get examined. You know it’s the right thing to do.”

“I suppose it is… will I ever see you again?”

“I doubt it.”

“Hm… a girl can hope.”

You picked a rose from your plants, going over to Felix and placing it in his hair. You shared a smile with him before you leaned in and pressed your lips against his. A soft and gentle farewell.

“Goodbye, Felix, my angel.”

“Goodbye, y/n.”

The two of you stayed together for a moment before you left. All he could do was watch you walk away, disappearing from his life forever. He stayed in the greenhouse for a moment, trying to steady his emotions. Then he went back out, going to find Mikael, staring back at the cabin once more, wanting to remember it all, knowing he’d likely never return, not in your lifetime, nor his.

✷

Upon returning to Heaven Felix felt a bit out of place. It really hadn’t been that long since he left, but things had changed, he had changed. This place didn’t feel like it used to, but it was where he belonged. He was escorted to the court, still needing to be sentenced even if his punishment was served. What mattered now was his reassignment. He didn’t get a say in the matter, and was ultimately placed with the reception department. His power was restored and then he was on his way. Nobody dwelled on what happened to him for long, and now it was like nothing had happened.

The new job wasn’t difficult, if anything it was a bit mundane, but he’d surely get used to it. Instead of training and going down to Earth he now dealt with paperwork behind a desk. New souls came into Heaven everyday, and he’d get a handful of names to look over, putting together their profiles. Once he really settled into the role he found where the daily list was. Everyday he would check, browsing through the hundreds of thousands of names that came through, looking for yours. He thought it was fine, no one ever questioned him, but he did try to be subtle about it until he was called out.

“Felix.”

“Huh!? I wasn’t doing anything!”

“Relax, you’re not in trouble.”

“Oh… okay…”

“I gotta ask though, why do you check the daily list every day?”

“Uh… well… I’m just looking for someone…”

“Do you know a human?”

“Yeah, I do… it’s a long story but last time I heard from them they were sick… they were gonna get medical help but still… I would like to see them again when their time comes…”

“Ah, well you could have asked.”

“What?”

“Come on. Every human’s fate is already decided, I can look up their name in the database for you, save you the trouble of checking every day.”

“You can do that, seriously?”

“It’s no trouble.”

Felix followed the other to their desk. They were one of his superiors, and he never really thought he could ask such a thing. Of course it wouldn’t be easy given that all he had was your first name, never getting your last name. At least he knew where you lived, so that helped narrow down the list. Soon enough he was staring at your picture, a smile adorning his lips. That is until he began to read your profile.

“Status… lost? What does that mean? Shouldn’t it say alive or something?”

“Oh… I’m so sorry, Felix…”

“What does that mean!?”

“Lost… it means their soul has been damaged… they can’t ascend to Heaven… or go to Hell or even travel to Purgatory… they’re just lost, what remains of them is likely to wander the Earth for eternity… I’m sorry…”

“No, no, how is that possible!? It can’t be! How do we fix this?”

“We can’t. Humans do whatever they want with their lives, if they damage their soul along the way, or get caught in the crossfire of someone else, that is their fate. You know we can’t change that.”

“This doesn’t make sense! She’d never do anything to damage her soul. Do you know what happened?”

“No. Records for a lost soul require a higher clearance.”

“What!?”

“I’m sorry…”

Felix couldn’t believe what he was hearing, but it was clear he wasn’t going to get answers here. He knew where he needed to go, and no one was going to stop him. Without saying more he stormed out of the office, going off to find the person with answers. It wasn’t exactly easy, but he knew where to look.

“Mikael!”

“Felix, what are you-”

“What happened to y/n!”

“Who?”

“The human that took care of me!”

“Ah, wait, are you telling me you didn’t know?”

“Know what!?”

“That they healed you…”

“She tended to my wounds like a normal person! How did her soul get damaged!?”

“That’s how she healed you.”

“What!?”

“Felix, you were wounded with an angelic weapon and drained of power, you fell to Earth as a human. Your injuries were fatal. There was nothing that human could do for you, except use their own soul to heal you. Even with your angelic essence locked away, you could take their soul.”

“No… no… I can’t be the reason… I didn’t know… I… I…”

“Felix-”

“I didn’t do this to her! I didn’t…”

“Felix, they knew.”

“Huh?”

“When they found you and took you in, they could see you weren’t going to make it. Yet a golden mist appeared that seemed to help you, so they gave what they could. At the time they didn’t know what they did, but as long as you lived, they didn’t mind.”

“She… she didn’t know…”

“In the end they did.”

“No, no, that’s not true. She-”

“I approached them before you that day, I spoke with them about what happened and told them about what they had done. They had no problem accepting the fact they had given you part of their soul.”

“I… I changed their fate…”

“They changed it willingly, it’s why you weren’t punished. It was their choice in the end.”

“I didn’t mean to… I didn’t know… she was sick because of me… how do we fix this, Mikael, please…”

“You can’t heal a soul, Felix.”

“No, no, that’s unfair! She did a good thing, she shouldn’t suffer because of it!”

“Felix, calm down. They made the choice, there’s nothing we can do.”

“Liar! This would have never happened if you angels weren’t so strict and stuck up about messing with fate! If I hadn’t been wrongfully thrown out this would have never happened to her! I… I never would have destroyed her life…”

“What’s done is done, you have to let go.”

“No… no, this is all your fault! I won’t stand by and just let this happen.”

“There is nothing you can do. You can’t save a lost soul.”

“Watch me!”

“Felix, if you go against Heaven then-”

“Banish me! Cast me out! I won’t remain in such a place that harms the humans we are supposed to protect! All you angels ever do is watch and watch, letting them suffer instead of helping! I won’t be part of this anymore!”

Felix walked away, drowning out the sounds of protest, ignoring and fighting back when Mikael tried to stop him. His mind was made up. Heaven wasn’t his home anymore, it hadn’t been for a long time. When he left this time it was different. He felt this pain in his chest, he felt like he was dying once more, but he pushed that to the side, having somewhere to go.

✷

This time, when he landed on Earth, it was a better landing. He stumbled to stand, but it was the least of his worries. He made his way back to your cabin, only to find it empty. Everything was gone, including your plants. The sign out front said for sale, and he thought perhaps you had moved, going off to the city to get treatment, but something deep down told him that wasn’t the case. Your illness wasn’t something anyone could heal. As he stood outside he began walking on his own, going into the woods in what seemed to be a random direction, but then he saw it. There was a wilting rose by some rocks.

“Y/n…”

He didn’t need any indicators to know what this was. He fell to his knees, feeling his heart sink into an endless void. The silent tears sliding down his face. He should have known this would be how he found you again.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t know… I never would have left you…” Felix cried. “You never should have done that… I wasn’t worth it… returning to Heaven wasn’t worth losing you… I’m so sorry…”

Felix let the tears flow, weeping before your grave, letting his human emotions consume him. He could feel his power leaving him, knowing his own time on Earth was limited.

“You should have told me… all I ever wanted was to be yours… I won’t leave you again…”

Felix laid down next to you, using the last of his power to make the flower bloom, another one growing alongside it. Angels didn’t have souls either, but his essence would surely roam the Earth for eternity with you. That’s all he wanted.

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clubsmarties · 1 day ago

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"High school didn't date. With both sisters partnered up, it didn't seem fun. I didn't even go to my own prom. When I tell you I was a homebody, I swear I'm not kidding. College, eh there was a girl who asked to go on a date but I didn't go. Trust didn't come easy to me. Which I guess looking back did seem like I was an asshole but I kept people at a distance. Worst nightmare was people getting to know me at the time. Quantico couldn't date there were rules and other stupid shit. I'm trying to remember a time," frankly trust issues prevented him from going for it most of the times. "Alright, I guess camp could count. I was six and this other girl was seven. Technically guess it counts as a first kiss. But I don't actually count it since right after she threw me in the pool at night. It was a peck so really not this big deal. Falling in love before you? No, can't say that I had. You came in like a whirlwind and had me on my knees." His smile told her everything she needed to know. "No, never had a parents talk either. I had one with my sisters husbands when they wanted to get engaged but not the other way around."

He hummed as he laughed in a response. "It was but this girl was boring with a capital boring. The dullest human I think ever. I was also young and dumb so really could just blame that." Who didn't do shit they weren't proud of in their youth. He turned just in time to wipe her eyes softly and brought his thumb down to her lips and laughed when she kissed his cheek.

The initial moment had him frowning and relaxing his eyebrows. A smile so striking took over his features as he heard her full name and mulled it over. "Elizabeth Sóley Bordeaux." he repeated softly. The last name slipping past his lips. "That is perfect." Now he wasn't going to lie. He could see her as his wife. If that was something she could also see. Sharing her life with his.

Watching her sitting up he smirked. "Oh, is that so? So no on well behaved wally on this trip then? Interesting. There is such a thing as a mile high club. First class bathrooms are a lot more spacious." The reason he knew that was now forever imprinted in his mind forever. He knew once he got her on the ghost adventures guy she'd have something to say which always made him chuckle. Though now he stayed quiet letting her go at it. Her reasoning made sense. "Maybe we should send one of those island elves over to this dudes house. Get him a dicky trickster. Seem to be the same."

He started to laugh and shook his head. "Scouts honor no inadequate feelings here. I mean you don't leave unsatisfied so must be doing something right." He bumped her shoulder and smiled. "Come on, besides we can totally make super inappropriate jokes. That's where the fun lies." Getting himself in a measuring contest with dicks made him laugh. He grabbed her hand and shot up from his seat. "We're first to get in." His eyes widened as he showed the attendant his phone and heard them beep the screen. Then were told to have a safe flight. He hummed and thanked them and rolled his bag down. Reaching the plane and the awaiting flight attendants smiles greeting them. He eyed the first seat which looked more like beds than actual seats. "Ladies choice," he let go of her hand and waited for her to take her seat.

"No.” She scoffed but with a smile. “ I get not recently but what about in high school? College? You're going to tell me you never dated and fallen in love before? Never had to do the meeting of parents or had to the what are your intensions with my child, talk?" While she had never had done these personally herself there were plenty she had to pretend through. It wasn't as if she was trying to fish some sort of sordid affair from him, it was just her trying to know more about the man he loved.

At his story though she looked at his hand. She had pretended a lot of things to get out of various situations but stabbing herself with a utensil never crossed her mind before. "That seems rather extreme." The next words that came from him though, had her hazel eyes gleam with tears, adoration. Love. There was never going to be enough words, gestures, anything in the world that could ever say how much she loved him. So for now, she settled on a small kiss, leaning over and placed it on his cheek.

"You got that all wrong," her tone serious as she settled her head on his shoulder. "I have no idea who Elizabeth Bordeaux is or could be. It sounds all wrong." Watching more people come and go. She had never thought about marriage, even considered it a part of her future one day, but here she was. Like a school girl thinking about her having the same last name as her crush. Though they might not marry, the reason for this trip was at the forefront of him. There was no one else she would ever do this with, consider doing this with. Releasing a small sigh she spoke again. "Elizabeth Sóley Bordeaux, now that one rolls off the tongue a bit better. If I do say so myself."

Sitting up, she shook her head, it was no surprise that she was excited and ready to read the new novel in her possession now. The distractions that Wally provided though, were very tempting and she did enjoy them. "That sounds highly unlikely." Raised eyebrow. "What if I wanted you on your worst behavior?" It was a tease, not like they could do much on the plane full of people anyway.

"Ghost adventures?!" Elizabeth despised that man. Having accidentally seen an episode when she was channel surfing once, she absolutely hated him. Could see past the facade the man put up about being able to channel the other side or other beings. "That fake wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a marmennill, selkie or a mermaid! Anyway," a slight roll of her eyes. "On the island elves are believed to go home from home offering gifts but if you accept them, it causes madness. So its best not to. So technically they are all dicky."

The thought of them going to the museum had her smiling like a fool. "The musuem gets some thing wagging. We can go as long as you don't feel...," she thought over the right word to say but could only giggle when she continued. "Inadequate after, we can consider it. Men don't tend to like to see how they size up to others. There's also lots of museums and we can always go back to see them all."

Hearing another overhead call for another flight boarding, she nudging his shoulder playfully. "Is that us?" She was slightly anxious, ready to embark on this adventure to find that 'right moment.'

#bordeaux |▪︎main ▪︎|#the way she said it 😭😭😭#ngl esb is a hella cool initial

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inevitablysomber-dark · 2 days ago

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The Price of Sucess 5

Dark! Peter Parker x Clementine! Reader

Summary: Clementine has fought tooth and nail to achieve her dream of attending a prestigious university. Balancing her demanding workload, a suffocating home life, and financial strain, she’ll do whatever it takes to stay afloat. Enter Peter Parker: wealthy, charming, and unexpectedly fixated on her. When he offers a proposition that could solve all her problems, Clementine reluctantly agrees—unaware she’s stepping into a carefully constructed trap. What begins as a transactional relationship spirals into something far darker as Peter’s true intentions come to light.

Warnings: This story contains dark themes, including manipulation, psychological and emotional abuse, unhealthy relationships, non-consensual elements, obsessive behavior, gaslighting, loss of autonomy, familial neglect, and power imbalances. Please read at your own discretion.

Dividers by @thecutestgrotto

My knees pressed firmly into the mattress, toes flexed against the sheets as I anchored myself, rising and sinking in a steady rhythm. The burn in my legs was merciless, spreading with each controlled movement, but I embraced it. My hands gripped his thighs behind me for support as I leaned back, arching my body. The pull in my ankles and the ache deep in my core blurred into something intoxicating. Every rise brought me closer, my breaths stuttering, my muscles tightening as I gave in to the momentum, chasing that blissful peak.

Peter’s hands clutched at my hips, grounding me, pushing up every time I sank down. My whimpers tangled with his low grunts, building into a crescendo that finally shattered, a vivid burst of feeling. I collapsed against his chest, the two of us melting together as we came down, chests heaving, drenched in sweat.

“Wow,” he breathed, voice thick with exhaustion and awe. “You’re so perfect, you know that?”

A tired chuckle escaped me. I rolled off him and reached for my phone, still tethered to the charger. I’d heard it buzz earlier, but I was too preoccupied to care. The screen lit up with a series of texts.

Mandarin Hey loser, are you dead? Mom says you haven’t been home in a few days.

I scowled and replied before I could stop myself.

Me: Do you care?

Her response came quicker than I expected.

Mandarin: If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have texted.

I stared at the message for a moment before shutting off the screen. It’d been a few days since I took refuge at Peter’s place, and I hadn’t said a word to my parents or Mandarin. I wasn’t sure why she cared, but for once, silence felt like power.

These last few days with Peter had been...easy. For the first time in months, maybe years, I wasn’t carrying the weight of my family’s expectations or my endless to-do lists. I felt lighter, more like myself, and yet completely unlike myself. Nikki and Carrot had no idea I’d been staying with him. We hung out a once or twice since the frat party, but neither of them asked where I’d been, so I didn’t volunteer the information.

Peter, to his credit, hadn’t said a word either. But the way he looked at me on campus, like he couldn’t wait to pounce, spoke volumes. And when I came over at night, he did exactly that.

I was less stressed, less miserable, and more rested than I’d been since starting university. I could get used to this. I wanted to get used to this. But I knew I couldn’t.

Another text buzzed. I sighed and looked at the screen.

Mandarin: Dad called contractors to fix the leak in the basement. Mom wants your stuff out of the living room ASAP.

I groaned out loud.

“What’s wrong?” Peter asked softly.

I looked up to find him watching me, his eyes filled with concern.

“It’s nothing,” I muttered, sliding the phone face-down onto the nightstand.

“Hey, hey,” he said, sitting up and pulling me back into his arms. He nudged his nose against my cheek, planting a soft kiss just under my ear. “You can talk to me.”

I let out a slow breath, resting my head against his shoulder. “I think I have to go home tonight.”

“What? Why?” His voice sharpened with something that sounded almost like panic.

“They fixed the basement,” I said flatly. “And now my mom wants me to move my stuff out of the living room. Ill have to go tonight, so I guess this is our last day in paradise together.”

Peter pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes. “So what, you’re just going to move back into that health hazard? With all the mold and God-knows-what-else?”

I stayed quiet.

During the short time I’d been here, I’d vented to Peter about my living situation more than I meant to. The way my parents dismissed me. The way Mandarin got everything handed to her. The utter unfairness of it all. I didn’t want his pity, but having someone listen, really listen, had felt like a weight off my shoulders.

A low rumble of thunder echoed outside, followed by a quick flash of lightning that lit up the bedroom. I glanced at the window before standing, more comfortable with my nudity as I stretched. “It’s not like I want to go back,” I admitted, “but what choice do I have?”

Peter watched me with an unreadable expression as I gathered up my things and headed toward the bathroom. “What choice do you have?” he repeated under his breath, his tone quiet but sharp.

I paused in the doorway, looking back at him. His brows furrowed, concern clouding his face.

“Don’t worry about it, Peter. I’ll figure it out,” I said before slipping into the bathroom.

As I closed the door, I leaned against it for a second, staring at the sleek tile floor. My reflection stared back at me from the mirror across the room.

I shook off my thoughts and stepped into the shower, trying to focus on the here and now. Peter had been more of a safe haven than I ever expected, but deep down, I knew it couldn’t last.

Moments into my shower, I heard the bathroom door creak open. My heart skipped for a second before the shower curtain shifted, and there stood Peter, a mischievous smile playing on his lips. His hair was a mess, strands falling over his forehead, and the boyish charm he carried so effortlessly was impossible to ignore.

“Mind if I join?” he asked, his tone casual, but the glint in his eyes told a different story.

I smirked, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t see why not.”

What followed was another blur of heat and steam—more stolen kisses, hands exploring skin, and water cascading down our bodies as if trying to wash away whatever had brought us together in the first place. By the time we were finished, my legs were jelly, and Peter looked annoyingly satisfied with himself.

Wrapped in a fluffy towel, I padded into his bedroom and rummaged through the shopping bags neatly tucked away in his closet. Another bonus to staying with Peter: Gerald had apparently decided to stock the closet with clothes for me “just in case.” I wasn’t sure how I felt about being preemptively prepared for, but as I sifted through the luxury brands, Gucci, Chanel, Versace, I couldn’t bring myself to complain.

I tugged on a soft, oversized sweater and paired it with sleek leggings, all while Peter leaned against the closet door, arms crossed and a towel slung low around his waist. I could feel his eyes on me, a quiet intensity that made me pause mid-motion.

“What?” I asked, turning to face him.

He shrugged, the corner of his mouth quirking up. “Nothing.”

“Then why are you staring at me like that?”

He hesitated for a moment, like he was choosing his words carefully. “Why don’t you stay with me?”

I blinked, caught off guard. “What?”

“Stay here,” he said, unfolding his arms and stepping closer. “You don’t have to go back to that place. To them.”

“Peter…” I started, but he cut me off, his voice gentle.

“Listen, I know you think you can handle it, and you can. But you don’t have to. Not alone, anyway.”

I sighed, gripping the hem of the sweater. “It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?” he pressed. “I have plenty of space, you’re already comfortable here, and I like having you around. Just think about it.”

The way he looked at me then, earnest and almost vulnerable, made me falter. For a moment, I considered it. The thought of not having to go back home, to the moldy basement, to Mandarin’s smug glances and my parents’ indifference, was tempting.

But as much as I wanted the escape, something in my gut held me back.

“I’ll think about it,” I finally said, hoping it would satisfy him for now.

Peter smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “That’s all I’m asking.”

As he turned to grab clothes for himself, I exhaled, the air feeling heavier in my lungs. Deep down, I knew this was dangerous, not just staying here, but everything. Peter, his kindness, the luxury, the temporary reprieve from reality… it was all too good to be true.

Peter insisted on dropping me off at school.

Up until now, he’d been fine letting me walk, which I didn’t mind. What used to be an hour-and-a-half commute had turned into a 20-minute stroll, 25 if I stopped by the coffee shop. But this time, he insisted, even going so far as to have the valet park his car right outside 10 minutes before we left the building.

I relented, mostly because I figured he’d miss me. After all, this was my last day at his place. I’d packed up my books and grabbed the rest of my stuff that had been left behind in Nikki’s car, making sure to leave Peter’s tablet on his desk. I had no intention of coming back that evening.

The drive to school took less than five minutes, and Peter pulled right up to the main entrance. It was almost obnoxious how easy everything was when you had money.

“See you,” Peter said, shooting me a grin as I climbed out. “You’re welcome back anytime.”

“Bye,” I mumbled quickly, shutting the door behind me before he could say anything else.

Unfortunately, Carrot was there too—standing by the steps, eyes wide as she watched me step out of Peter’s luxury car.

“Uh, you’re here early,” I said, trying to deflect as I made a beeline toward her.

“Yeah,” she replied, still staring at the car. “I thought I’d keep you company at the library before our session today.”

“Right,” I muttered, gripping her arm and steering her away from the crowd of eyes I could feel burning into me.

Behind me, I heard Peter’s an obnoxious beep. I glanced back to see him waving with that same smirk plastered on his face. Carrot waved shyly in return.

“That’s Peter Parker,” she whispered, her voice low, as if saying his name out loud would make this moment any more surreal.

“Yep,” I said curtly.

Her eyes narrowed slightly as we crossed the threshold into the library. “Why were you in his car?”

“He gave me a ride,” I replied nonchalantly, placing my bag under the librarian station.

Carrot didn’t buy it. “Why?”

I turned to face her, keeping my expression calm. “Because I slept over at his place last night. Actually for the last few nights.”

Her jaw dropped. “Wait—what?”

I could already feel Magda, the school librarian, eyeing us like a hawk circling prey, so I grabbed a stack of returns and motioned for Carrot to follow me deeper into the shelves.

“Have you been staying there since the party?” she whispered urgently, trailing after me like she was piecing together a murder mystery. “That was a week ago!”

“Friday was the party,” I said, sliding a book back onto the shelf. “It’s Wednesday. It hasn’t been a week yet—just a few days.” I corrected

Carrot gasped, her hands flying to her mouth in shock. “Does Nikki know?”

I paused, glancing over at her puppy-dog expression. She looked so betrayed, as if I’d been keeping the country’s deepest secrets from her.

“No one knows, Carrot,” I said softly.

Her voice dropped even lower, like she was afraid someone might overhear us. “Why are you keeping it a secret?”

I shrugged, sliding another book onto the shelf. “I’m not. It’s just… no one asked.”

“How are we supposed to ask if we don’t know anything?” she said, exasperated.

I didn’t have a good answer for that. I stayed quiet, focusing on the books in front of me.

“Unless…” Carrot hesitated, her voice tinged with concern. “Unless you don’t want anyone to know?”

“It was only meant to be temporary,” I admitted, finally turning to face her. “Today’s my last day there. I’m going home tonight.”

She blinked at me, like she wasn’t sure whether to believe me or not. I tried to smile, but just saying the words made my stomach twist in knots.

Home.

Just the idea of it made me want to barf.

Look," I turned to Carrot, pausing to glance over my shoulder as I organized the stack of returns. “I didn’t mean to hold this back from you.”

She hovered nearby, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “I get it,” she said quietly, her tone softer now. “It’s just… I didn’t expect it.”

I sighed, carefully placing another book on the shelf. “Yeah. Same here.”

“You should tell Nikki, though,” Carrot added after a beat, tucking her hands into the sleeves of her sweater. “I think she’d want to know.”

“I will,” I promised with a small smile.

Carrot nodded, seemingly satisfied, and turned to find herself a quiet spot in the library to wait for me. She’d told me earlier her brother was picking her up after our tutoring session, but for now, she was content to kill time and keep me company, at least from a distance.

I slipped back into the rhythm of my work, shelving returns, helping a student find a reference book, and manning the circulation desk. It wasn’t glamorous, but I liked the predictable routine of it. It gave me something solid to focus on when everything else felt like it was teetering on the edge.

As the hours crawled by, the weather shifted. What had started as a soft drizzle outside gradually transformed into a relentless downpour, the sound of heavy rain pounding against the library windows. By the time my shift ended, the storm had grown fierce, the wind howling like it had something to prove.

I grabbed my bag and met Carrot by one of the tables she’d claimed. She had her nose buried in a novel, but when she saw me approach, she snapped it shut and stood up.

“All done?” she asked, slinging her backpack over one shoulder.

“Yep. You ready for your session?”

She nodded, following me to the study area.

Our tutoring session passed quickly, filled with quiet concentration and the occasional question. Carrot worked hard, as always, but she seemed distracted, stealing glances toward the windows every time thunder cracked. By the time we packed up, the rain outside had turned the campus walkways into rivers, the gutters overflowing under the relentless downpour.

Carrot pulled up the hood of her jacket as we stepped outside, her shoes already soaked from the puddles. “This weather is ridiculous,” she muttered.

I adjusted my bag over my shoulder, tugging my own hoodie tighter around my head. “Tell me about it.”

We reached the bus stop near the edge of campus, where the wind whipped at our clothes and the rain pelted sideways beneath the shelter’s overhang.

“Do you need a ride home?” Carrot asked suddenly, looking up at me with concern. “My brother should be here soon. You don’t have to wait out here like this.”

I shook my head, forcing a small smile. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“You sure?” She frowned, her eyes scanning my face. “You’ll get sick if you stand out here too long.”

“I’ll be okay,” I reassured her, though the damp chill was already sinking into my bones.

She studied me for a moment longer, clearly not convinced, but before she could argue, her brother’s car appeared, headlights cutting through the storm.

“That’s him,” she said, pulling her hood tighter. “Text me when you get home, okay? Promise?”

“Promise,” I said, waving her off.

I watched as she ran to the car, hopping inside quickly to escape the rain. Her brother pulled away moments later, leaving me alone at the bus stop.

I sighed, shifting my weight as the wind whipped through the empty streets, carrying the sharp chill of the storm, and of course the bus was late.

Home was waiting for me, but I lingered under the shelter, staring out at the rain. For a brief moment, I let myself wish I was anywhere else.

When the bus finally arrived, my stomach sank like a stone. I was dreading going home, and no amount of deep breathing or distraction could shake the heavy feeling that had taken up residence in my chest. I did my best to keep it together, trying not to fall apart in this very public setting. Once I reached the stop closest to my house, I stepped off and began the slow, reluctant walk through my neighborhood.

As my house came into view, I immediately noticed the porch was cluttered with a pile of stuff. For a brief moment, I thought maybe Mom was renovating another room. But as I got closer, the pit in my stomach grew heavier. The items weren’t random. They were familiar.

Too familiar.

By the time I reached the walkway, it hit me like a freight train: all my things, everything I owned, were stacked haphazardly on the porch, soaked through by the storm. The rain fell steadily, each drop a mockery of my life. I froze, staring at the heap of drenched belongings, my mind spinning to catch up with the sight in front of me.

I felt a bitter laugh bubbling in my throat, but it never came. Was this some sort of cosmic joke? First, I lost half my stuff to the basement flood. Now, the universe had decided to make an encore performance and drown the rest of my life on the porch.

It took a moment for the anger to arrive. The initial shock had to move aside to make room for it.

“What the fuck?” I muttered under my breath, rushing toward the pile in a desperate attempt to salvage something—anything. My voice grew louder as the realization set in. “What the fuck?!”

I yanked a box open and found my laptop buried underneath. The waterlogged device practically dripped as I pulled it out. When I opened it, water spilled out, short-circuiting any hope I had left of saving it. A choked noise escaped me, somewhere between a scream and a groan, before I threw the laptop to the ground in a fit of rage. It landed with a hollow crack, splitting in half but not shattering as I’d hoped.

All my things were ruined.

The anger boiled over, spilling into my movements as I dug through the pile. I began sorting through everything with a mix of fury and despair, tossing anything salvageable into a smaller pile while angrily hurling the ruined items aside. A soaked pillow, ruined. My textbooks, swollen and illegible. Clothes that reeked of damp and mildew, unsalvageable. The more I sorted, the more useless it all seemed. My life felt like it was disintegrating before my eyes, one piece at a time.

Then I stopped. My hands froze mid-motion, and I let the rain wash over me as the reality sank in. I couldn’t keep doing this. There was nothing left for me here, no room, no respect, no support.

Peter’s words echoed in my mind, unbidden but steady: “Why don’t you just stay with me?”

I glanced at my phone, the rainwater smudging the screen as I pulled it out of my pocket. My hands trembled as I scrolled through my contacts, stopping at Peter’s name. For a moment, I just stared at it, debating whether to press call.

This wasn’t the life I wanted. It wasn’t the path I had envisioned for myself. But right now, it felt like the only choice I had left.

Forcing down the anger clawing at my chest, I pulled out my phone and dialed Peter’s number. The line barely ringing before he picked up.

“Hey,” he said, his voice warm and casual, like he’d been waiting for me to call. “What’s up?”

“How soon can you pick me up?” My voice was calm, but my grip on the phone tightened as I stared at the mess in front of me.

There was a brief pause on his end. “Tonight?”

“Yeah,” I said firmly. “Tonight.”

“Send me the address,” he said without hesitation. “I’ll be there, as soon as I can.”

Hanging up, I leaned against a porch pillar, my mind racing. For once, I didn’t care what my parents thought or what Mandarin would say. I wasn’t going to spend another night pretending everything was fine.

Taking a deep breath, I sent Peter the address and headed inside to the kitchen to find some plastic bags to pack what little I could salvage. The house was quiet; everyone was likely in their rooms, blissfully unaware of how much my life was unraveling.

ifteen minutes later, I had a single garbage bag ready to go. I sat down on a porch chair, soaked from the rain, waiting for Peter.

The door creaked open behind me, and Mandarin waddled out, one hand on her swollen belly and the other clutching the doorframe for support. She surveyed the mess of my things strewn across the porch.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” she started, her voice dripping with fake regret. “Mom insisted it would be fine out here. Didn’t think it’d rain this hard.”

I ignored her.

“It’s okay, though,” she added, rubbing her belly with a satisfied smile. “Can’t have it too crowded for Junior here.”

“Right,” I said flatly. Deciding I wasn’t in the mood to let her get away with this, I added, “Funny how Junior’s daddy couldn’t even find a way to shelter his own kid. Instead, he shoves his little cumbucket into her parents’ house.”

Mandarin froze, her expression faltering. “What did you just say?”

“You heard me,” I said, standing and crossing my arms. “Who’s the father, Mandarin?”

“I—I told you,” she stammered, her voice rising defensively. “It was a one-night stand.”

“Bullshit.” I took a step closer. “I don’t know what ninth circle of hell your baby daddy is from for you to lie about him like this, but I’m onto your shit.”

Her lips pressed into a thin line, her eyes narrowing as she tried to keep her composure. “You must think you’re so smart, huh?”

“I don’t think—I know,” I snapped. “And I know that if I dig deep enough, I’ll figure out who he is. And when I do? I’m blasting it everywhere, turd for brains.”

Mandarin’s frown deepened, and for a split second, there was a flicker of fear in her eyes. “You’ll never figure it out,” she said, her voice quieter now. “He won’t let you.”

“Why? Because he’s married?” I asked, my tone sharp and sarcastic.

Her silence told me everything. Her shocked expression, the way her mouth fell open just slightly, was all the confirmation I needed.

“Oh, you’re such a conniving bitch,” I muttered, more to myself than to her.

“What?!” she shrieked, her voice high-pitched and panicked.

“Fuck, Mandarin,” I said, shaking my head. “I always thought you were spoiled and selfish, but this? This is on another level.”

“I didn’t say anything!” she hissed, her eyes darting around like a trapped animal. She was looking for an escape or maybe for someone to come to her rescue.

“What the hell are you looking for?” I yelled, throwing my hands up.

“Shut up!” she whispered harshly, her voice trembling. “Someone will hear you.”

“You’re just terrible all around,” I said, disgusted.

“Girls, what’s going on out there?” Mom’s voice rang from inside the house.

“Nothing!” we both said in unison, Mandarin’s voice cracking under the strain. She turned back to me, her face pale.

“He’s not married,” she whispered urgently.

“But he’s something close to married, isn’t he?” I shot back.

Her guilty expression was answer enough.

“When I blow this up,” I said, lowering my voice to a cold, even tone, “I’m going to make sure I have all the evidence I need. I don’t need to go to Mom and Dad with some half-baked theory. Especially since it looks like you have no intention of stopping.”

“Clementine, please,” she begged, her voice breaking.

“Fuck you,” I said, stepping closer, my voice dripping with venom.

“Clementine, you don’t understand, he’s not someone you can mess with.”

“Oh, he sounds real important,” I sneered. “Does he have a lot of money?”

“Clementine!” she screeched, tears streaming down her face.

“What’s going on out here?” Mom’s voice cut through the air again, this time accompanied by the sound of footsteps. Dad followed closely behind her, his expression stern.

Mandarin immediately started crying harder, throwing herself into Mom’s arms. Dad turned his sharp gaze on me. “What did you do to her, Clementine?”

I said nothing, just stared back at him, the anger still burning in my chest.

I heard a honk and turned my head to see Peter's car idling at the curb. The trunk popped open, and Peter stepped out, making his way toward the porch.

“Peter?” Mandarin said, her tear-streaked face scrunching in confusion before her eyes widened with recognition.

Peter’s approach was casual, like this was an everyday occurrence. “Oh, hey, Mandarin,” he said with a friendly smile. “I didn’t know you lived here.”

“Um, excuse me, young man?” my mother cut in, her tone sharp and full of suspicion. “Who are you?”

Peter extended a hand toward her, undeterred by the frostiness in her voice. “I’m Peter Parker. Nice to meet you.”

My mother ignored his outstretched hand, her expression cold. I gave Mandarin one last glance before grabbing my bag and heading toward Peter’s car.

Peter quickly intercepted, taking the garbage bag from my hands. I noticed my broken laptop already in his other hand. “I’ve got it,” he said softly, his tone grounding me in the moment.

“Where are you going, young lady?” my father demanded, confusion flickering across his face.

“I’m leaving,” I said flatly, stepping off the porch. “There’s no room for me here, and I’ve found somewhere that is.”

“Oh, you’re just being dramatic,” my mother said dismissively, still clutching a tearful Mandarin in her arms like she was some tragic victim.

“You think you can get by without us?” my father barked, his voice rising.

I stopped in my tracks and turned back to face them, making sure they saw the resolve in my expression. “I’ve gotten this far without your help,” I said firmly. “I’m in school, I’m working, and I’m building a future for myself. So, yeah, I think I can manage.”

“Don’t be a brat,” my father snapped, his eyes narrowing.

Peter closed the trunk and moved to the driver’s seat, giving me a reassuring nod as I made my way to his car.

“Don’t come crawling back!” my father yelled after me.

I paused, turning my head just enough to deliver one final blow. “Enjoy your favorite whore daughter,” I shot back, my voice cold.

“Clementine!” my mother shouted, her voice cracking with indignation.

Peter was already at the passenger door, holding it open for me. He gave my family a polite wave before I slid into the seat.

As we drove off, I glanced out the window one last time. My parents stood frozen on the porch, their shocked faces a mixture of disbelief and anger. Mandarin’s face, tear-streaked and desperate, only made me scoff. She looked pathetic, clutching her belly as though she were the victim in all this.

I turned my gaze forward, leaving them—and everything they represented—behind me. Whatever was ahead couldn’t possibly be worse than what I was leaving behind. For the first time in a long time, I felt the faintest flicker of hope.

"How do you know Mandarin?" I asked, suspicion creeping into my tone.

Peter glanced at me briefly before turning his attention back to the road. "She’s one of Pepper’s friends."

I stayed quiet, waiting for him to elaborate.

"Whenever Tony throws a party, she usually tags alongside her," he added with a shrug, his tone casual.

I nodded slowly, digesting the information. "Right." A thought popped into my head, and I decided to press further. "By the way, do you know who got her pregnant?" I asked, my voice carefully neutral. "I figure it had to be someone in those upper circles you run in, right?"

Peter shrugged again, his expression unreadable. "I only ever see her with the other girls or Pepper. If she’s been seeing someone, she’s keeping it under wraps."

I sighed, leaning back against the seat. The more I thought about it, the more tiring the whole ordeal seemed. At the height of my anger, uncovering Mandarin’s baby daddy had felt like a mission, a way to expose her for the spoiled, manipulative brat she was. But now, the idea of digging into her secrets felt like more trouble than it was worth.

The exhaustion of the day weighed on me heavily, my eyelids growing heavier with every passing second. Before I knew it, I was slumped against the passenger seat, the hum of the car lulling me to sleep.

Dreams of blurry shapes and strange, oblong figures swirled in my mind, distant and incomprehensible. Somewhere in the haze of sleep, I could feel the tension of the day melting away, replaced by a fleeting sense of peace. For now, at least, I didn’t have to think about Mandarin, my parents, or anything else that had been weighing me down.

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