#But also again I don't need these groups to fight. I don't. There's more interesting things that could happen in the plot | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

divinepoints · 2 months ago

Text

the heart of the matter

pairing: john walker x reader

summary: Your problems with John Walker reach a boiling point. Bucky Barnes meddles.

word count: 5.8k

warnings: kind of vague suicidal ideation that's not ever acted on. john is a dick. reader is also kind of a dick. bucky meddles. so much swearing in here your toes might curl. i've never done a reader-insert before so i'm bad at this. this is me showing you my metaphorical fanfic dick please respond

a/n: as hinted above, this is my first foray into the reader-insert game. constructive criticism is welcome but if all you have in your heart is haterism please keep the thoughts inside. exes to lovers kind of except the ending is vague. follow up definitely possible. i don't really take requests but you're more than welcome to drop some thoughts/ideas in my inbox and if inspo strikes i will oblige. uhhh that's all i think? john walker girlies rise. stalking the tag is what brought me to this.

(also, not edited because i can't be bothered since this is all in good fun)

You had never thought that life would lead you back to John Walker. Or perhaps, that life had led the both of you back to each other. After all, this had been your world first.

You’d been an unfortunate accident long before anyone thought there would be a need for a successor to Steve Rogers. It wasn’t really worth recounting, given it happened as so many things did, something in a lab went wrong, and it broke you. Okay. Maybe broke wasn’t the word. It had changed you into something simultaneously greater and far worse. Whatever. It hardly mattered at this point. What mattered was that it was odd someone from your small, bullshit town had become an Avenger, odder still that it had been you. You hadn’t thought there was anymore odd to go around.

(You were deeply, deeply misguided.)

It had never truly been decided amongst you, Bucky, and Sam whether John had been picked partly because of you (John himself would insist it had nothing to do with it). Bucky was one-hundred percent convinced it had been done on purpose. It’s easier to swallow, he’d said, because people know how close you were with Steve, and since you and Walker have… a past.

Calling it a past was generous. You’d dated in high school, when you were a little dumber and he a little less obnoxious, then he’d enlisted and you’d gone off to college. It was an almost entirely expected and underwhelming end to what had been a classic high school relationship. It was hardly a past, it had really just been growing pains. With Steve, however, it was an on-again off-again situationship that felt far too juvenile at your big age, but had gone unexpectedly public.

So now you were the woman who had dated not one, but two Captain Americas, even if you were quick to insist that John had been little more than captain of the football team at the time. The general public had eaten it up when John was given the shield and still now, while Valentina was parading around her so-called New Avengers. A grave misnomer, you thought, considering this wasn’t exactly your rookie year. It was a hard pill to swallow.

Yelena insisted that you all as a team owned Valentina. You thought it felt a little bit like the other way around. At the same time, you knew it would take all of five seconds for you to tear the entire charade apart. As withdrawn as you were from, well, everything since Thanos, you knew you still held enough public interest that you could get on a stage and rip Valentina to shreds and end it all. But you couldn’t. There was just something about the strange little group that tugged on your remaining heartstrings.

It had been a fight, at first. Sam had been furious, but it had weighed far more heavily on Bucky than you. At the very least, you could look Sam in the eye and remind him that you had been around before the Avengers were even really a team. You’d been part of Nick Fury’s cobbled-together collection of misfits that could hardly be called a group, let alone a team. Sam might have been Captain America, but you were essentially the only original left. Tony and Natasha were dead, Steve was old, Clint and Bruce had families, and Thor was somewhere of in space doing… well, whatever the hell he wanted to, you supposed. You remained, heavy with loss and silently happy to see another group of misfits learning to stitch themselves together. Even if this time it was much, much messier.

Still, you resented the government control, and that John was involved.

You took it upon yourself to constantly remind him that he was only still around because you tolerated it, which he hated. It wasn’t that he was your ex, though you loathed to call him even that. It was that he’d take Steve’s legacy, tried to turn it to dust, and was still clinging to it. He insisted he was doing what he could with what he had, you insisted he could do better, and so the carousel turned.

The only argument he ever won, not that you’d ever admit it out loud, was when he reminded not just you, but everyone that he’d had you first. There was no argument against the truth. Even if you could insist that you were more serious with Steve (you weren’t), or that you’d loved Steve more (you weren’t even sure you’d been in love with Steve at all), it all circled back around to an undisputed fact: John Walker bested Steve in approximately one race and it was having you.

He had brought it up again, and you knew it was because he was feeling sensitive about something. You were fed up, and had snapped back a scathing remark you’d only ever thought before. You know, you keep bringing that shit up and someone might start to think you’re in love with me. You hadn’t said it because you thought there was any truth, but because you knew it would piss him off, because you were taking the one thing he could hold over your head and turning it back around on him. Bucky had openly laughed, which certainly hadn’t helped things, but John didn’t give into the fight you were expecting.

It gnawed at you all night and then began to worry you in the morning. You’d only ever known him to snap and give into baser instincts. Even in high school when he could have been called more mellow he’d always been ready to throw a punch or two. No response you’d ever seen from him consisted of steely silence or any kind of restraint. Though you wanted to take it as a sign of personal growth, you were more inclined to think it was something much worse. You imagined a brewing rage eating away at him like acid, and you had to wonder when it was going to boil over.

It wasn’t until Bob, sweet and generally unconcerned with John, mentioned it that you decided it was time to do something about it. Haven’t seen Walker all day, he’d remarked about the second most loud and imposing member of the team. Ava remarked that she was pleased with the development, but even Yelena looked disturbed. Alexei could not have cared any less as he shoveled Wheaties into this mouth, but Bucky… Bucky had leveled you with a look that suggested he thought something needed to be done too. That was the straw, you supposed. You might have been able to fight your own instincts about it, if Bucky had not looked at you like that, like he thought this might really become a problem sometime soon.

You sighed heavily and lifted yourself off the couch with a dramatized effort. Bucky indicated downstairs in the direction of the gym rather than above to the quarters where you all had your personal spaces. You briefly wondered if you could convince Bucky to have a man-to-man conversation with him rather than leaving you to make nice with your most irksome teammate. Ultimately, you realized that Bucky likely would rather put himself in the ground. Annoying, emotionally-constipated super soldiers were really fucking your life up.

(Pot, kettle, Bucky would probably insist, even if you were more super and less soldier.)

Inside the gym, you found yourself realizing that other than you, John and Steve had something else in common. They both liked to treat punching bags like they’d been done great personal offense by every one of them. Even in his occupation, you knew he noticed you. Or, at the very least, he’d noticed that someone had joined him.

“Your absence is troubling Bob,” you stated simply.

He didn’t pause his assault on the bag, but he did choose to switch sides to look at you. “I doubt it.”

“He said he hadn’t seen you all day. Mentioned, therefore noticed, therefore…”

“Therefore you drew straws and you’re the unluckiest of the bunch?”

You wished you’d drawn straws. “If only that had been part of the equation. No. Believe it or not, I figured this is mostly my problem.” You left out the fact that Bucky had too. John didn’t have anything to say about that, but he did pause and begin to unwrap his hands, preparing for what you also imagined was going to be a very tedious conversation. One that, apparently, you were going to have to take the reins of. “I’m more than willing to fight this out, but just know I’ll wipe the floor with you.” He didn’t take the bait. “Seriously, what the hell is going on? You’ve been on my ass since day one about what feels like fifteen million years ago, but I make one comment and you’re— you’re…” You had no clue how to finish that sentence, but you certainly weren’t going to apologize for anything.

He finally opens his mouth to actually say something, but it’s far from anything you’d have expected. “Does it really bother you that much? Thinking about back then?”

It was a pivot you hadn’t been expecting and it left you floundering for something to say. Did it bother you to think about? No. No, what bothered you was that it was constantly brought up in the context of being a thing to have been had, or a measure by which to pick who could have the shield. What irked you, was that John kept bringing it up like you were some kind of trophy rather than a person. Otherwise, as just something that had happened, as a relationship you had, there were fond memories if you didn’t apply the present-day John Walker of it all.

“It’s not important,” you decided to say, rather than admitting that he was constantly tainting what had previously been a genuinely pleasant example of what a first love could be. “It was forever ago, but you keep bringing it up like it’s another medal on your chest.”

And of course he zeroed in on what affronted him most. “Not important.” He was muttering to himself, mostly, but you heard it. “Just, you know, half of the sum-total of all my relationships in life. Not important.”

And that irked at you, when he’d gone onto have a wife and a kid and a brief white-picket-fence life that you’d probably never get to see because everyone in the world looked at you like some kind of commodity. A weapon to save the world, a face to plaster on tv and advertisements, a figurehead to say hey, look, this group must be good!

“My god, John,” you snapped, “you have a family. What the hell does some bullshit high school girlfriend matter? We were both nobody back then.”

“Because the family thing worked out so well for me,” he retorted.

“That was your own fault and you know it.”

A low-blow and you knew it, but you’d never be able to understand why he wasn’t constantly fighting tooth and nail to get back to them. You knew he missed his son, often caught him looking at photos that he’d gotten from somewhere. You weren’t sure if Olivia was doing a kindness and sending them, or if he was finding them by less-than-legal means, but you knew he looked at them longingly and still did nothing about it.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, always fucking everything up.”

You exhaled frustratedly through your nose. This was not going how you’d planned. It had gotten far more hostile than you’d intended. “I’m not trying to dog on you.” Though it would have been so much easier, if you were being honest. Which, you weren’t being, you knew. Being honest would have meant just telling him that you were tired of being a referred to as a possession, and how every time he brought it up, it felt like a reminder that even your pathetic high school partnership was the closest to serious you’d probably ever be able to get. “But you’re the one who brings it up like it’s a joke, not me.”

His head snapped to you, gaze torn away from the mindless packing of his gym bag. “I’m the one making a joke out of it? You’re the one who wants to act like it never even happened.”

“Because you’re the one ruining it.” You weren’t yelling, not really. But the whole thing was striking a sensitive chord that you’d never intended on even acknowledging. “You’re the one acting like I was a trophy you had and then threw away. So excuse me if I’m not looking back with fondness at being a thing.”

“I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean.”

If he was being serious or purposefully obtuse, you weren’t sure. Realistically it could have been either. He might have trying to turn the tables on you, to move away from his nearly twenty-four hours of petulance that you were supposed to have been addressing. Or, maybe he really didn’t know that he’d been biting away at decently pleasant memories ever since he decided to try to be Steve. Maybe he was just that ignorant. And maybe you were kidding yourself in thinking he hadn’t been your first love, even if he hadn’t been the great love of your life. Yeah, you would perhaps admit in the deepest recesses of your mind, maybe that was a big part of it all.

Regardless, it was becoming exceedingly clear that perhaps neither of you were in the proper mindset for this conversation to go anywhere. John’s ego was clearly too bruised from your brief ribbing to think of anything beyond how things affected him, and you were just… well, you supposed you’d been hurting too much about everything for far too long.

At least you could tell Bucky you’d tried.

Another team was falling apart before your eyes, which meant you weren’t sleeping. Or, at the very least, sleeping as little as you could without being plagued by memories turned nightmares. So maybe that was why you were particularly sensitive, which was perhaps why you felt like bursting into tears all the time.

It had been a shit week, though, so you were giving yourself some grace. You’d allow yourself tears if they really wanted to come, if you even had any left.

The tension with John had gotten worse, and now there were sides to it all. Bucky was on yours, unequivocally, always. The rest of the team flip-flopped back and forth depending wholly on mood or which one of you had pissed them off more that day. Bob was the only one who sat entirely neutral, though you were certain that the whole thing was stressing them out. And all of it was, albeit on a much smaller scale, reminding you of years ago which made the whole thing more unpleasant.

In the end, it made you wonder if you were still cut out for this.

Losing another team would break you, you were sure of it. Even if it was a patchwork team filled mostly with people who grated on your nerves like it was a full time job, losing it would break you. So, you were kind of thinking it was time to remove yourself from the situation. Retirement wouldn’t have looked so bad, if you weren’t going to be alone in all of it.

That all being said, it had not been a good decision to think about it all in Tony’s old tower, looking to space from the spot he’d built to land the suit. Valentina had called it good optics, but you thought it was more bittersweet memory. Things had been good here, then bad, then good again, and then nothing. Now it was… well, you weren’t sure what the hell to call it because everything reminded you of something else. Everything reminded you of them and it damn near tore you to shreds.

Yeah, you were really beginning to think that you weren’t cut out for this anymore.

Bucky appeared from a dark corner as he so often did, and you weren’t sure if he was trying to joke when he asked, “Do I need to be worried about you?”

Either way, you knew it was a lie when you said, “No, just can’t sleep.”

When you looked at him, you knew that he knew you were full of shit. So, it was like that then. He sighed heavily and stretched out on the floor next to you.

“I’m going to stay here until you talk to me.” You knew he was serious, unfortunately. You’d uttered the same words to him years ago when Steve had you and Sam chasing his tail. “Or until we decide to kill Walker.” You looked at him sideways. “I’m mostly joking. But I did catch him drinking milk out of the carton again, so.” He shrugged as best he could while horizontal.

“This is not John,” you said. At least, not entirely. Sure, the tension still grated on you, but it only really served to point out how much everything started to bother you when a single element went wrong. One piece out of place and all you could think about was everything you’d lost. “It’s— it’s this whole fucking place, Bucky. I don’t think I can be here anymore.”

“This doesn’t work without you,” he says firmly. “You leave, this whole thing falls apart like a house of cards. I’m sorry, but it’s true.” You couldn’t help but think that was bullshit, and the way you looked at Bucky conveyed as much. “I don’t do this without you. Already told you, where you go, I go.”

The worst part was you knew he would. If you left, he’d follow just like you’d stuck to him like glue after Steve left to chase happiness. Steve might have said until the end of the line, but you and Bucky were the ones holding the rope. But even though you thought the team could pull themselves together without you, you also knew they had no hope of doing the same without him.

“I can’t lose another team,” you admitted. Even with the admission you held back. Your natural, instinctual follow-up was that it had almost killed you last time, but you knew from your time in Bob��s void that it all still haunted Bucky. He still blamed himself for splitting the Avengers. “This is too good for you— all of you, for me to ruin it with all my bullshit.”

It almost looked like Bucky was considering it, the way his brow knit together and his eyes squinted ever-so-slightly. So, it took you by surprise when the man who’d been flying by the seat of his pants so recently looked you dead in the face and said, “If you’re willing to hear me out, I have a plan.”

You did not think Bucky’s plan was a good one, nor did anyone else. When he remarked vaguely about switching some things around and off-handedly mentioned bonding, you had not expected to end up here. This was what you got for hearing him out. Goddamn fucking nonsense.

“This is elaborate joke, yes?” Alexei asked.

“I look like I’m joking to you?” Bucky asked, frowning.

“I think we all wish you were,” Ava retorted.

Yelena nodded and added, “This is going to get someone killed.”

If Bucky’s plan was to unite you all against his asinine games, he’d succeeded. Nobody was sure how he’d convinced Valentina to fork out the funds to reserve an entire camp usually used for corporate retreats, but he’d done it. It was a forked tongue of an idea, really. It got you out of the government-funded press tour that was previously scheduled, but it also meant a week with only each other doing trust falls or whatever other crap white-collar idiots did to encourage teamwork.

Despite all complaints and reservations, you all piled into the car and allowed Bucky to cart you off to the middle of nowhere, albeit entirely silently. A butterfly landing could have frayed your last nerve, which was exactly what happened when you saw a file marked cabin arrangements. It had to have been a sick joke. You had half a mind to casually remark, hey, if you wanted me dead you should have just told me, but you didn’t think he’d have taken kindly to that and you weren’t in the mood for an involuntary psychiatric hold.

Instead you told him, “I think this violates the Geneva conventions.”

“You and Walker have the most issues,” he responded. “And you said you’d hear me out. I really think this is going to work.”

Yelena was right, this was going to get someone killed. It didn’t matter if there was an assembled team of professionals waiting to teach you how to play nice with each other, either you or John would be dead come morning. Everyone else would just have to spend the rest of the week with the corpse. At least then there’d be an even number.

Only out of respect for Bucky did you swallow your pride and stomp off to your assigned cabin with John following close behind. Otherwise, you might have started a fight then and there, but he was right: you’d promised to hear him out, even if this was the last time you’d do it.

Your so-called cabin reminded you more of a dorm room than a woodsy vacation. It was closer-quarters than you’d been with anyone since being on the run. It was just one room with two beds on either side that you likely could have reached at the same time if you stood in the middle and stretched a little. The only comfort was indoor plumbing. You might have become immediately homicidal if there had been any mention of an outhouse.

“Gonna kill him,” John was muttering as he unpacked.

Part of you wanted to tell him to get in line, but a much bigger part of you wanted another hours-long stretch of silence. This was your life for the week, whether you liked it or not, and you wanted to keep the baseline peace for as long as possible. It was hard to do, though, when the second you’d unpacked your own belongings and decided to relax on the bed, someone was knocking at the door. A voice you didn’t recognize cheerily announced that you were to meet at the fire pit for introductions. You plotted Bucky’s slow and painful death as you forced yourself to follow orders.

Ten minutes later, you were all gathered around the unlit fire-pit looking at not just each other, but four very normal people who looked nervous just to be there. How they were supposed to help you all get chummy when they could barely look you in the eyes, you had no clue. It was the woman who you suspected had also been the one to summon you that clapped her hands together and declared you would get started. Though she seemed to be putting her best foot forward, you saw the light in her eyes dim when Yelena drily marked there was no reason for introductions because you all knew each other already.

“Well, okay,” she said with her forced smile, “how about, a fun fact about each of you!”

You could think of a glorious list of fun facts entirely centered around the torture you had in store for your so-called best friend, but you didn’t say that. Which, of course, was not to suggest that the “fun facts” to go around were not equally horrifying. Little miss sunshine was more unsettled minute by minute, and her own staff looked ready to bolt. You reiterated to only yourself, this was not going to work.

It was not working when they put you in their “state-of-the-art” escape room which lasted all of two minutes before John kicked the door open. It was not working when they had you doing child-level arts and crafts on an assembly line, which ended promptly when Ava put scissors through Alexei’s hand. And it was definitely, most certainly, absolutely not working when you were eating lunch and Bob accidentally started a food fight, not in the fun way. It was a lost cause, and it harrowed the staff.

The cheery instructor was holding on by a thread when she declared that she thought some self-reflection time was due and so sent you all off to your respective housing. You swore you saw Bucky’s eye twitch as he headed off towards his own, blissfully single accommodations. Only a few hours in and the plan was falling apart like a child’s blanket fort.

You showered mashed potatoes out of your hair, beating John to the bathroom by seconds to his great frustration. You were not reinvigorated when you emerged clean, but you at least felt less heavy. As John brushed past you on his way to his own shower, you breathed a sigh of relief at the prospect of a few moments truly alone. Three hours and you were already tearing your hair out.

For Bucky, you wanted to put your best foot forward. He was serious about leaving with you, if that was the choice you made, but that pained you. He had found something here, something that could be important and do good, and you weren’t sure if it would kill you more to stick around miserable, or to tear him away. Still, you had told him the truth that night, you weren’t sure you could do it anymore.

Miserably and embarrassingly, a dam broke inside and you burst into tears at the exact moment John exited the briefest shower in human history. He looked at you alarmed and you promptly squeezed your eyes as tight as you could. Perhaps if you couldn’t see him, you could pretend it wasn’t happening at all. If he hadn’t been there hovering, waiting for who knows what, you maybe could have, but he did. John stood there statuesque in exactly the same way he had when you were teenagers, always unsure what to do when you cried.

“Jesus,” he breathed. “The hell did I do now?”

You wanted to scream that not everything was about him, that you’d been miserable long before he ever reentered your life but there was no space in your lungs left to do so. Which meant you just sat there heaving sobs in front of the last person you ever wanted to show a vulnerable bone in your body. If he wanted to see you beaten down by life to feel good about himself, you were certainly giving him the show.

He took you back to high school again, which was both humiliating and a horrifying comfort. He’d never known what to do while you cried, but he’d certainly had a routine for after. You weren’t sure where he got the water bottle that he thrust into your hands ten minutes later, nor did you notice him disappear into the bathroom again for a toilet-paper sub for tissue, but he had. The whole time you shook while you cleaned yourself up and rehydrated so thoroughly you felt like puking, he sat on the floor with his back against your bed, radiating body heat against your leg without touching.

Then he asked you what he always had, and it still sounded like it pained him just like before, “Do you want to talk about it?”

No. You thought you wanted to die, really. You thought that maybe Bucky had needed to worry. And you were thinking that John was still a better man than you gave him credit for, despite all the space and time. Horrifying discover after horrifying discovery. Why you admitted the truth to him you’d probably never know. Why he shared the same would always make you wonder.

“I think I don’t want to be here anymore,” you said, cracking through chesty mucus that had settled in your lungs. The look on his face suggested he knew you didn’t just mean the cabin or trip. Soft eyes, like the very idea of it haunted him even though he shouldn’t have cared any less. It wouldn’t have removed the feather of you from his cap. He still could claim it: I had her. What a shame things went the way they did… It should not have mattered to him. He’d never given you any indication it would.

“I think,” you continued, “that almost everyone I’ve ever loved is dead or gone, and I’m wondering why I didn’t end up there too. So fuck you for thinking it’s you I’m crying over. I was miserable before you. I’ll be miserable after.”

He invoked again through a sigh and rose. “I’m going to go get Bucky.”

Your hand shot out and gripped his wrist as tight as you could. It wouldn’t bruise a super-soldier but he got the point. “You get Bucky and I’ll kill you, John.”

That would be the last straw. Bucky saw you like this and everything would be a goner. He was your best friend, and he’d do anything in the world for you, which made it so damn hard for you to do everything in your power for him. Bucky would never know.

“You’re goddamn demented, you know.” He relented despite what seemed to be protestation. “Fuckin’ crazy. Threatening to put me in the ground for trying to help you.”

“Fuck you,” you repeated, heatless and bland but all you had. “You aren’t helping shit.”

“Yeah, well, I’m trying here, baby.”

If you had anything left to give besides the barest of oxygen in your lungs, you might have cried all over again. You could imagine clawing at him for having the audacity to call you that, accident or not, but your very bones denied it. Something must have leeched the calcium right out of them, the way you might have buckled if you had been standing. All while your blood was turning to sludge in your veins, John Walker muttered the first apology you’d maybe ever heard from him. Force of habit, he added, like the last time he had any right to say something like that wasn’t years ago.

There was a stretch of silence that could have been hours for all you knew. There were knocks on the door that you both ignored for some reason you’d never be able to explain. There was probably a search party underfoot, but it all seemed deeply inconsequential. At some point, you’d drawn your knees up to your chest, and he’d ended up next to you. Just the barest brushing of skin.

“I want this to work,” you admitted against all better judgment. “For Bucky. For me. I miss having people to rely on. I always liked having people in my corner.”

“I’m getting divorced,” he offered, a piece of his hurt for yours. “Liv might let me see my son. She had some real choice words when I called. So, I guess it would be nice to have some people in my corner, too.”

A real pretty picture to paint, to be sure. Far from being possible just because you decided there was really nothing left to lose. Even so, there was nothing left to do but try.

So maybe Bucky Barnes was some kind of closet genius.

It was a bit like puzzle pieces clicking when you decided to give it a real go. You still wanted to kill John sometimes. A lot of the time. Maybe even most of the time. But you’d looked straight into each others’ gooey centers, and that would have changed things for anyone.

When you asked where the hell a plan like his had even come from, Bucky admitted it had been far more Sam than it had him. Couple’s counseling, he’d remarked which had explained a number of disappearances he’d previously left up for debate, we’d been going for a while, and when I was telling him he said it was too bad I couldn’t make everyone go. So I found a way. You’d just smiled and said, Fucking weird plan, Buck. You couldn’t deny the results though.

The next time you caught yourself gazing up at the stars recounting what you’d once had, it was John that joined you instead of Bucky. For the first time in a long time, it didn’t leave you with a bone-deep pain to talk about what had been. You grew to understand how Bucky held no resentment to Steve for chasing his own peace, even if it meant leaving forever. It didn’t freeze you to the bone to tell someone, even if it was him, that Yelena was reminding you more and more of Natasha with each passing day. It no longer felt like pulling teeth when you admitted that sometimes when you had a drink at the bar you thought about Tony. Now, when you looked at the sky you wished Thor only the best, rather than cursing him for leaving you for so long. Sometimes, John would tell you about his son and you’d smile for Bruce and Clint.

Part of you recoiled when he echoed Bucky’s words to you. “I need to be worried about you?”

“Nah,” you said, the truth this time. “I’m… solid. Putting in the work. Therapy, medication, all that jazz.” It being mandatory now was only about half the reason you still visited a professional weekly. “I’m doing good, I think.” John repeated good several times as he nodded mostly to himself. You turned it on him. “I gotta be worried about you?”

At that, he shook his head. He echoed your sentiment about putting in the work at mandatory therapy. He was solid too, good even, practically verging on great. His fingers brushed yours as he explained he was having his first unsupervised visit with his son. Not at the tower, nowhere near the tower if he could help it. Not that it was a trust thing, he made sure to add hastily. He thought that maybe there would be a day he could show his son what “work” was now, just not so soon. You were genuinely glad for him all while ignoring a pesky blooming warmth in your chest at a tentative grasp of hands.

John Walker still had roots in you, that was certain, and you had a feeling you had a home somewhere in his ribcage too.

“We were best friends once,” he remarked sometime after your pulse had stopped thrumming in your ears. “Think it could happen again?”

A small smile broke through very thin resistance, and you hummed for what seemed to be dramatic affect. “Spot’s taken… think I might have something else in mind for you, if you’re up for the challenge.”

Clasped hands raised, lips meet the inside of your wrist, your pulse flutters again. “Up for anything, baby.”

#john walker x reader #john walker fanfiction #thunderbolts fanfiction #us agent x reader #marvel fanfiction #mcu fanfiction

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hoodedjelly · 1 year ago

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my Jenny, Tuck, Brad, Shelden, and Vega older designs ^__^

i'm watching mlaatr, still not done, i think i got like 10 more eps (and if i'm being transparent i skipped around eps... i just wanted to see vega...). And i'm absolutely loving the show!!!! i love these characters a lot, didn't like Shelden at first i'm going to be honest, #1 Shelden hater for a bit there. but he chilled out in season two and i started to ship breldon with that too so now i just love him so much.

more about my personal headcanons:

Jenny: - I am under the belief that she is transgender. Jenny was made genderless, so her deciding to be a girl was strictly her choice and i believe that makes her trans. (She's also a lesbian) - she did grow a bit, im not gonna explain how idc really i just liked her being a taller lady :-) - she has A LOT of different cute outfits and hair styles, honestly too much to draw. she never transforms back into her base show outfit when crime fighting, she just fights in her cute summer dress she don't care. - her and vega are dating grrgrgrrrr - when vega is in rule she makes it so there is complete free access between earth and cluster prime for citizens in both places. - I say that cause i think when jenny is older she moves in with vega, technically living in cluster prime but visits earth like everyday. And brad/shelby/tucker/wakeman visit cluster prime - Jenny also hangs out with the nicktoons unite gang, but i deffo feel like its just that secondary friend group that you don't talk to with for months. when you talk again its the same goofiness as before - i think danny calls for her help when he needs it (also manny) Tuck: - he is still a little shit but we love him - adhd boy - questioning cis (he/him) - he got into robotics/stem and builds little silly things - with that, he gets help from Shelby - pretty much just a silly teen, he's on the internet a lot and has "cringe" interests - but idk he's having fun and being silly and finding himself (those interests is stuff like sonic and among us) Shelden(Shelby) - honestly kinda nervous about ppl thoughts on my Shelden, idk it makes so much sense in my brain - hits you with the transfem beam (she/they) Pansexual (she just wants anyone type of vibe) - I think when jenny is visiting vega often that leaves Shelby and Brad hanging out alone a lot. which they don't mind honestly, they are actually good friends! - but during that they just get closer and start catching feelings. Shelby eventually lets go of her feelings about jenny and realizes they were a real jerk and weirdo to her. brad helps them through that and eventually her realizing she's trans. blah blah they in love and kiss at some point. - Shelby is also a furry lmaooo her fursona is a cat.

Brad: - bisexual cis man (he/him) - Still his old brad self if i'm being honest. - totally forgot to say i think all 3 of them go off to college together (even though jenny doesn't have to i feel like she would prob want to just for the experience, but tell me if you think differently i'm still unsure) - i really don't know what else to say sorry brad! he's literally just as silly as ever man. he's just also gay - i will say here i feel it takes a lot longer for shelby and brad to start dating then jenny and vega. they got that slow burn kinda shit going on, since a lot of that is shelby being confused about her feelings. and jenny and vega just hit it off right away if im being honest, very high school sweethearts. - (also i think shelby makes brad make a fursona to match hers, so brad got a dog fursona)

Vega: - Lesbian cis (she/her) - That ending of her just ruling cluster prime was just so crazy to me cause like, aint she like 16? - i think she has a lot of stressed nights and fearing she's not doing the right thing for her people, and jenny tries to help as much she can - that is why jenny visits so much, she wants to help her. - very much got those nights were she accidently falls asleep at her desk, jenny finding her and giving her a blanket and a kiss goodnight - it's not like she's unhappy, she is actually very very passionate about her work and wants to NOT be like her mom - and yeah she deffo goes to robo therapy for the stuff with her mom. - i think it's a conflict where vega is scared her mom is gonna come back and jenny has to reassure her that if she does they'll get rid of her for good.

imma be honest a lot of my hcs are pretty half-baked and random things, im sure im going to think of more stuff in the future but that will be in different posts.

#nicktoons #nickalodeon #my life as a teenage robot #mlaatr #xj9 #jenny wakeman #brad carbunkle #tuck Carbunkle #sheldon lee #Sheldon Oswald Lee #jennyvega #breldon #vega #hoodedjelly art

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legendofmorons · 6 months ago

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Please consider: one of the boys gets stranded from the group and promptly ambushed. As he was left alone, he wasn’t able to protect himself to the best of his abilities and the others are no where to be seen. Out of the blue, Reader, who he has never met before, begins beating the snot out of that poor offending monster. Turns out, they are a traveler of some variety who got roped into this adventure by one strange looking shadow.

How would the boys react to being protected by someone they have never met before, someone who seems altruistic in their intent?

I love your writing and I would be interested to see who you think would have the most interesting response to this. Please remember that you are appreciated and loved for all that you do. You create masterpieces with your words, and for that, we are grateful.

-VS

Chain is stranded, reader saves them

This is such a GOOD concept!! If anyone wanted a fic I'd be happy to do one.

Content under the cut, boys are in alphabetical order. (Slowly catching up, but I am tentatively back.)

Four

He's probably just greatful for the assist.

Maybe a little curious about where you came from but he'll ask questions later.

If he can he tries to help ypu right back

He'll thank you after and offer to help you back to your home/town

Would probably check you for injuries he could see

Overall he's both a little confused and very grateful

Hyrule

He's thanking you the moment you start to help

His world is fairly sparse, so any aid is appreciated

If he can, after the fight is done he'll try to heal you

If he cannot, he'll offer a potion or something

He offers to walk you home or to let you stay with him until a time you can go home

He very grateful over all, would try to get you food as payment

Legend

Immediately torn between grateful and suspicious.

It's convenient you just showed up.

But if you were going to kill him you probably wouldn't be trying to save him. So he doesn't accuse you

When it's over he thanks you and tries to send you on your way.

Would help you if you injured yourself protecting him.

He would throw you to the wolves, so if you need him to travel with you for a bit he will, but he's still a little suspicious of your intent.

He's still glad you came and helped him through.

Sky

He's definitely surprised.

But he's very grateful and will tell you at least twice

More trusting than some of the others

Will offer you healing items afterwards

He's chattier than others too, he's likely to ask you about yourself while you guys find a way towards wherever you've chosen to go.

Time

Probably in pretty bad shape if he needs saving, so if he's not talkative don't take ot to heart

He might be unconscious honestly. He's got too many tools to go down easy.

But after it's all said and done he thanks you and offers to get you home and fed.

He's not the most trusting, but he's friendly enough now.

Twilight

He's grateful and says as much as soon as you step in.

He will patch you up afterwards too they all would honestly

Probably less surprised than others he grew up in a small town where people were friendly

Might compliment your fighting

Warriors

Embarrassed and grateful. He's captain of the royal gaurd he shouldn't need help.

But he IS grateful. He's glad you were there because regardless of his emotions, he NEEDED help

Would subconsciously analyze your stance and movements because again... captain.

Will thank you.

Wild

Suspicious. Immediately. His Hyrule is sparsely populated and he's always worried about Yiga.

But he's still grateful.

He'd probably offer you a snack or potion as thanks. Maybe invite you to stay for dinner.

Wind

Oh, he's probably offering you a shiny trinket as thanks.

He's more trusting than some of the others.

Will demand to trade battle stories.

He's a sweetheart and will probably also offer for you to join them for lunch/dinner.

#lu #linkeduniverse #misty answers #linked universe x reader #lu four #lu hyrule #lu legend #lu sky #lu time #lu twilight #lu warriors #lu wild #lu wind #misty writes

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dailyadventureprompts · 3 months ago

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Hearthfire Health and Resting Overhaul

Artsource

TLDR: You can solve nearly all problems with D&D's powercurve (and a lot of other problems beside) by limiting the overall hitpoints your party gets, basing it off profficency bonus rather than character level.

If you’ve played anywhere close to as much d&d as I have, you’ll notice the game tends to play best at levels 3-8. Lower than that feels like being trapped in the tutorial, with players denied the majority of their interesting character options and the DM having to use kid gloves or else risking a party wipe. High level play invariably breaks down as player abilities trivialize most encounters, forcing the DM to reach deeper and deeper into the monster roster to provide adequate challenge, making more work for themselves in the process. There’s a definite sweetspot, and like anyone with a head for game design I want to widen that sweetspot to encompass as much of the game as possible.

As is typical of someone who’s into game design; I’ve bit off more than I can chew, deciding to build several interlocking rules changes/subsystems that I think will help me make the game function more like I want it to. This isn’t going to be for everyone, but if you’re feeling the need for a rules lite overhaul to rebalance how you plan encounters/ the rigours of adventure, this might be for you.

Here’s the overhaul in short form:

Character HP is determined as (Max Class HD + Con modifier) X proficiency bonus. This means they keep the same Max HP throughout the tier (1-4, 5-8 etc)

This means that low CR enemies stay relevant for far longer, making encounter building more reasonable. Likewise this prevents mid/high CR enemies from being trivialized. It allows you as the DM deploy mundane threats ( a steep drop, a detachment of city guards, the threat of a building catching fire) as legitimate challenges well into the later chapters of the campaign.

Temporary HP can be gained from using improved provision consumables (including those harvested from monsters), or by resting at inns and better establishments in town. A hardy, homecooked meal gives the party the strength they need to take on greater challenges, far more than a diet of salt pork & hardtack. In rare cases permanent HP boosting items can be sought as treasure.

Long resting in the wilderness is more difficult, requiring the party to find a safe campsite and spend provisions. Making sure they don't burn through these finite resources before encountering the real challenge makes for a great resource management challenge to go along with exploration based gameplay, acting as an informal ticking clock.

First, A small Testimonial: I've now tried this system with four different groups, and while there's still some bugs to work out I can say it feels a lot closer to my ideal form of d&d than the baseline rules. Planning combats is SO EASY, and I can actually scare my players with big monsters again. I've dropped the weird XP calculation and I can now use the group's level as a budget for medium-challenge combat encounters. Lower HP totals on both sides keep fights fast and punchy, which means I can fit more of them into a session, getting more progress through a gauntlet of challenges. While considering implmenting this system, I also encourage you to take a look at some of my combat hacks, which help to supplement fights the same way this system is meant to supplement exploration.

PROVISIONS: In order to get the benefits of a long rest while travelling you need 1) A place to set up camp that's not exposed to the elements 2) To spend a use of your provisions

Rather than beancounting individual servings per person, provisions are tracked through "The provision die", an abstract representation of what your party has left to eat that ranges from a d4 to a d20. This works off a depletion die system, meaning that every time provisions are used (generally once per night) you roll the die, and if it's a 1 or 2 it shrinks a size category. If it shrinks while it's a d4 the party is officially out of supplies and starts taking levels of exhaustion.

The base price or provisions is 5gp for a d4 depletion die, larger sizes of die may be bought based off the linked chart.

Alternatively, provisions (of an enhanced rarity even) may be salvaged from a monster, dungeon meshi style.

Without the extra carrying capacity from a bag of holding or wagon, the party's provision die is limited to a D6. Going offroad is tough, requiring characters to live off the land.

Living off the land generally requires a survival check with a DC based on how verdant the area is. Failure can mean a lack of finding anything suitable, or a delay in trying to acquire necessary provisions.

Features that can keep people fed like the outlander background or goodberry spell prevent the exhaustion buildup but still do not allow a long rest.

If ever the party is traveling for a week or more between settlements, their provision die drops by one size, regardless of how many times in the week they've rolled.

A party can buy better rations (consumable) or improve their camp gear (permanant) in order to gain temporary hitpoints when they consume provisions. A common upgrade will get you 2 class HD in temporary hitpoints, an uncommon will get you 4, a rare upgrade will get you 6. Enchanted camp gear (such as high quality tents, enchanted cookwear, rare spices) may also grant other bonuses when provisions are consumed, such as resistance to weather effects, bonuses to saves against fear, or even inspiration.

HAVENS: If the party is sticking in one place for a while it's likely that they'll be doing so in a Haven such as a tavern, outpost, or perhaps even their own bastion. Havens are rated on the same rarity system as camp upgrades and provisions are, which determines their overall level of quality and the amount of temporary HP they bestow per night.

As a guideline, if the party has to pay to stay in a haven, it costs 1sp per person per night for common accommodations, with the associated rarity price jump: (5 silver for uncommon, 5 gold for rare). Many inns have varying levels of accomidation, so some party members might chose to spring for greater amounts.

#homebrew #survival #resting #hearthfire #dnd #d&d #d&d homebrew #dnd homebrew #mechanic #homebrew mechanic #exploration

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zarla-s · 5 months ago

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i need to know more about your feelings of tf2 comic 7 because youre the heavymedic expert

I liked it! Satisfying happy conclusion for (almost) everyone, especially since I was a little worried they were going to kill everyone off, haha. Not a lot of Heavymedic stuff in there but I wasn't expecting much, and really it was about the Administrator and her story, so it makes sense the mercs wouldn't really take top billing for it.

There were a few cute things though! I know "standing next to each other" is like the most graspingest of straws but you know what, it made me smile each time so I don't care.

The big thing of course being Heavy grabbing his boob, which to me reads like him stopping Medic from trying to help the Admin, which I think is sweet in his own way. Medic has his healing instincts!

Medic also puts his hand on his back as they walk away, which I also think is sweet. It looks like he's comforting him.

I really loved the ending sequence where everyone gets together for that dinner party. It's just such a great bookend to how the comics started - initially when their team disbanded, everyone split off and did their own thing. Some of them didn't even keep track of where the others were! A few kept in contact, but mostly all of them just left the others and they didn't seem particularly concerned or interested in each other.

Compare that to them at the end of the comic! Seven years after everything that happened, they're all meeting up together for dinner! Voluntarily! They're introducing their families to each other! They don't have any contracts or jobs forcing them to spend time together. They WANT to have dinner together. SPY TAKES OFF HIS MASK AND IS FINE WITH IT! I just love that so much. They care about and trust each other after everything that's happened, all the years that have gone by. Team as family was CANON AFTER ALL

I think this whole sequence also sheds a nice light on Medic! Medic's been perceived as probably the most uncaring of the group, given that he did sign up with another team for the money and said he wouldn't mind fighting them again (although not too soon after that he ended up saving all their lives against direct orders). A lot of people interpreted that as him not really caring about the others or anything at all, but that's not the case!

Medic kept and raised his baboon baby! He didn't abandon it or use it for parts or anything, he kept and raised it for seven years! Responsibility!

Not only that, Medic hasn't abandoned his friends, signed up with a new team, forgotten them or tossed them aside. He's with them at the dinner! He comes with his baboon baby! He wants to be with them too! He cares about them, genuinely. And of course, the final shot is with him by Heavy's side, both of them just so happy to be there with everyone else.

Love that Medic's smile still looks unhinged too lol. Would I have loved Heavy holding onto Medic's waist? The two of them wearing matching rings? Of course! But them so close to each other and an obvious irrefutable confirmation that Medic loves and cares about his team and wants to be with them is really lovely. Makes me feel fuzzy, haha.

There's speculation too that Medic came with Heavy's family as that person in the back there but who can say for sure. |D

#asks and answers #bunkless-bed #team fortress 2 #heavymedic #pour one out for adminpauling though #truly doomed yuri to the end...#hey wait i just noticed heavy is missing his ammo belt in that one shot

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sharkylass · 1 year ago

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YOU I LIKE YOU @faislittlewhiteraven These questions are a little hard to answer with doodles but I tried my best- Nil generally has a pretty heroic and brave personality overall. She's loud and brash and ready to jump into things super quickly.

She's not the best with words, but she is very reliable overall

More art and writing under cut, it's just a long post man-

In terms of helping about during travels, she likes doing a lot of heavy labor jobs- She's the type to fix broken fences, gather supplies for folks, carry stuff around, tend to crops or lend a help wrangling animals. Nil wouldn't be great at things like sorting and organizing tho- Just tell her what you need and where to put it and she will! I mentioned she's not really the best with words (she is very emotionally intelligent just sometimes struggles to communicate stuff), HOWEVER, With folks that have been frozen she connects with a lot. How it's scary that you've been frozen for so long when your entire belief is to change and evolve, how (if Mal Du Pays is anything to go by) they had to fight their own demons in there, how everything can change so easily without you even noticing- It's terrifying to think about.

Actually- a while ago I made battle sprites with Nil- I wasn't happy with them so I never shared them BUT

Specifically I wanted to contrast her frozen sprite with everyone else's- Cause if she were to SOMEHOW be frozen again, knowing what it feels like, what could happen while she's out- It would TERRIFY her instantly. Not just a mild shock or surprise, it would stick with her for a while-

Speaking of battles tho-

Nil is super brash and lively as a whole. She puts up a brave face for a LOT of things, including fighting. She jumps in without really thinking, and as long as it goes their way, she'd have a smile on her face doing it.

However, while brave, it does come from both a place of coping and naivety. She's not used to genuine fighting, in fight or flight situations she actually tends to flee. (Which is why honestly, if she had to fight the King I don't think she could do it-)

If a battle were to start going south, she'd actually start to panic more then anyone else- Physical wounds and seeing the people she loves hurt would lower her accuracy and general capabilities, despite the brave face she puts on.

And due to her lack of experience, especially in bigger groups- Nil tends to... miscalculate sometimes

She had to learn the hard way not to just jump at any opportunity she sees. The party can see where Bonnie got it from (also after the battle Nille proceeded to heal Sif, profusely apologizing, I forgot to doodle that whoops-) (Also gameplay wise, imagine every second turn she does an action of her own without your command)

Also just the Sif image by itself cause I liked it :]

As for chores and stuff-

She does foraging and stuff! Honestly I don't think the other 5 would have done so before they traveled together.

Mira would have most DEFINITELY learned about it but didn't feel confident in her abilities. Bonnie will grab stuff they think is edible from what they remember Nille telling them and they'd grab a stick to cook. Odile would not be interested and would prefer buying the ingredients rather then wild scavenging. Isa doesn't read to me as a biology student, I see him more of a math history type of guy, so either he doesn't know, or him and Mira did it occasionally together, but only as a last resort type of deal (maybe when it was just the two of them and they had to manage alone) And Sif in my mind is an accident prone goober who'd forget which ones are edible and which ones aren't so I wouldn't trust him personally.

SO! LONG STORY SHORT! I don't think any of them are really experienced with foraging. And as a means to make money management easier- I imagine Nil (nature being a passion of sorts to her) took up the mantle! Probably taught the rest how to do it too!

That's it when it comes to stuff specific to her- Other then that she's kind of ready to help out with anything! She can help set up tends, do odd jobs for money, help cook if for WHATEVER reason Bonnie wanted her to or wanted to do something else in that time, bring water, wood, fish, help with weapons- She's not the best at those things, but if anyone needs a hand to be lent- she is there!

I'll be entirely honest, I don't think I understand your last question- But I do wanna say that Nil and Isa become like. Best buds real quick. He is the first one she instantly trusts, since she rivals with Mira, is prickly with Odile and Sif is someone she wants to help rather then ask for help. So if she needs someone to turn to, or needs a partner in crime- Nil would turn to Isa And now I just imagined Mira and Nil bonding over how to grow plants. Cause Mira tried REALLY REALLY HARD and couldn't do it, so Nille would actually love to give some tips- Imagine Mira genuinely walking up to her with a little alive plant with a proud glint in her eyes and have Nil fully support her- Honestly I could keep going for forever, I have so many thoughts on her and her dynamic with everyone- Bro I even have nicknames, you don't even know-

BUT I'M GONNA CUT IT HERE, HAVE FUN, I'VE BROUGHT SOME FOOD FOR NOW-

#isat #isat spoilers #in stars and time spoilers #only cause of mal du pays tho honestly #in stars and time #isat nille #isat sif #isat mira #isat petronille #in stars and time nille #in stars and time petronille #lord give me strenght (its 5am I am not awake-)

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jelly-sharki · 1 month ago

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Let's talk about Michael Wheeler.

This is my first post, btw. I'm still new to this despite having Tumblr for more than 2 years.

I want everyone to know that I am a Byler shipper, I believe that they WILL get together in ST5. I feel it in my bones, in my nuggets, in my giblets.

Anyway.

What if Mike was the one to get possessed? I know, I know. There is clear proof that Will is the one who most likely gets possessed from the "RUN" scream and obviously passed out on his mum, but hear me out for a second.

The way Mike is clearly the hero/leader(or portraying himself into being the hero/leader) for the small group of kids and most likely a lot of other characters including Will, as we see here:

There's a clear sign of protection and sacrifice in this photo and scene alone. So the thought of Mike doing something to protect someone isn't bizarre, meaning the feeling to self sacrifice himself isn't something to ignore when thinking of Mike in ST5. What if that's what happens? Self sacrifice.

Will being possessed is something that will definitely happen noting the few scenes about it being a high possibility, but maybe Will fights that, the possession now not being a thing. Unless a new host is found, and who would be a perfect host? Mike. He is the next best option after Will, if we were right about some things in the theories, the theory about internalized homophobia might be something that fuels the easy control over Mike. His fear, regret, and sadness. Vecna/Henry/001 could use that to control Mike, and since he is now in a situation he's not familiar with himself, it wouldn't be hard to succeed.

This could also be seen the other way around, Will getting possessed and Mike being the one to save Will, back to the theory of Will getting Vecna'd and Mike playing "Should I Stay Or Should I Go" in the headphone, almost death scene, ect ect.

Honestly? BORING.

Yes, Mike saving Will is very nice and just MM, hero Michael all the way, but c'mon... Will saving Mike? A cleric is known for healing and support, meaning they also make shields and protection spells if needed. Will getting his hero moment, Mike getting an even more important part in Will's story that isn't just love interest and/or his saviour? Now that's cinema.

The idea came from the lawyer video by: @teambyler

And the ST5 ep 6 title: "Escape from Camazotz"

(Before I start, I have not seen the movie this references, all Google searches)

Camazotz is from the movie "A Winkle In Time", it's the name of a planet that is soon controlled by IT(the "Black Thing" I think??), at some point Meg Murry kept saying "I love you" over and over again to Charles Wallace, it instantly reminded me of Byler.

This could easily be seen as Mike saying "I love you" over and over again towards Will, giving him the courage to fight against Vecna and the Mind Flayer.

But think of that the other way around.

Will finally confessing his feelings towards the person he's loved for years, but out of fear one of them might die, the fear of not being able to say it later, the need to finally say:

"I love you Mike! Please don't leave me-- I need you! I love you!"

"That day you asked me to be your friend on the swings-- I've always needed you after that! Please, Mike! I need you!"

Like C'MON!!?!???!

#byler #mike wheeler #will byers #st5 #byler st5 #stranger things #fan theory

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lenaswritingandstuff · 8 months ago

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Right again • Tom Riddle x f!reader

Requested: No

Pairing: Tom Riddle x f!reader (+ SPOILER x f!reader)

Summary: Tom, who always thought relationships were meaningless, changed his mind when he met y/n. He plans on telling her how he feels, however, it doesn't go as planned, and he finds himself to be right - again.

Word count: 1.1K

Warnings: Fluff; angst; English is not my first language.

A/N: It wasn't supposed to be this long lmao. I will write the same plot with Mattheo, Lorenzo and Theo in the future - hopefully with a better title lol. PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LET THIS FLOP OR YOU WON'T SEE ME ON HERE AGAIN LOL. Comments and feedback are always appreciated. Sorry for the typos. Hope you enjoy it! xx

Tag list: @helendeath @im-jesus @wolfyychan @blocked-zombieartist

Tom Riddle was in his dorm, one of the only places in Hogwarts where he could be by himself, and where he could be doing the things he enjoyed the most - studying and reading, both in silence. But, despite being currently sitting on his desk - always perfectly arranged -, he was not currently reading a book or studying. Instead, he was doing something he never thought he would do and was feeling something he never thought he would feel: thinking about a girl, and being nervous about a girl.

Contrary to Mattheo and his friends, Tom has never cared for relationships - he could barely bear being around Mattheo’s friends if serious, meaningful discussions or activities weren’t involved. Sure, he cared for Mattheo, more than he cared to admit, because they were of the same blood. And for Tom, blood was one of the things that mattered the most, alongside loyalty, knowledge and influence.

And y/n.

Tom had always thought Mattheo was the only person he could ever care for - after all, they needed to have some sort of loyalty towards each other if they wanted to have a chance to fight their father - but, just like he was surprised to learn he did not want to follow his father in his quest for tyranny, Tom was surprised to find himself caring for y/n.

Just like he had never cared for friendship, Tom had never cared for love. He did not think it was a weakness as his father did, but he did think it was not as important as people made it out to be. And, also, why care for love when something terrible, something that would likely cost lives was being prepared?

But then again, y/n challenged that idea. Despite being in the same house and the same year, it took Tom several years to properly notice her. He knew she was one of Mattheo’s close friends outside of his usual group, and that gave them occasions to spend time together. Strangely, Tom had first found her company more tolerable than the others - she seemed to understand his will for silence, deep conversations and his interests, seemed to have the same thirst for knowledge. She was kind as well, having what people called “a heart of gold”, always ready to help anybody in need. She was also warm and funny, two things she shared with Mattheo, and it usually didn’t take people enough to want to be her friend. Tom had considered y/n the closest thing he had to a friend, and he thought he would stay that way until, one day, he saw her and Mattheo sitting closer to each other than usual, and he felt something strange, something he didn’t expect to feel, and something he struggled to understand - jealousy. He didn’t think it was that at first, but it became obvious it indeed was jealousy when he found himself wishing that he was the one sitting next to her, and not Mattheo.

From that moment, he kept thinking about y/n in ways he had never done before - how beautiful she was, how he loved her smile, how he wanted to hold her hand, to smell her addictive perfume, to be the person who mattered most to her… how he wanted to hold and kiss her. He had considered those thoughts as foolish at first and tried to not have them, but everytime he was with y/n, they came back running, and he sometimes had to restrain himself from sitting closer to her just to smell her perfume when they were in class, or to hold her hand when they were studying in the library. He didn’t have anybody to ask questions to - Mattheo would laugh at him - so, like he always did, Tom gave himself the answer: it was love. At first, he thought it was only temporary and it didn’t even cross his mind to tell her about it, but he was forced to admit that, instead of disappearing, those feelings became stronger with each day passing. The idea displeased him, and he tried to avoid y/n so these feelings would go away, but it was in vain, and only made him miss y/n - and made him love her more. But one day, as he was sitting on his desk busy thinking about her instead of studying, the idea of just telling her how he felt seemed right. Of course, the idea of rejection secretly terrified him, but he would accept simply being her friend. y/n deserved a loyal, sincere friend and that is what Tom was. All she had to do was give him a chance he could be the boyfriend - the word seemed so meaningless compared to what he felt - she deserved, a boyfriend who would be loyal, caring, sincere, and who would put her and her needs and safety first.

Thus, he got her favorite flowers, and, having thought about what to say to her for hours, decided to go and ask her to have a moment of her time. And now the time had come. He grabbed the bouquet, and, trying to pull himself together, left his dorm. At that hour, y/n should be in the common room. With a bit of luck, she would be alone. Tom headed for the common room, which was nearly empty except for two first years laughing. He started looking for y/n, and his heart, which had started to beat faster with nervosity and hope, almost broke.

y/n was indeed here, standing in a corner of the room - kissing Mattheo, who had a hand on her waist and the other in her hair. He broke the kiss, looked at her in a way Tom had never seen him and y/n had a smile before Mattheo pressed his lips on hers like he couldn’t help it.

Tom took a step back, and the only thing that stopped him from dropping the bouquet was the noise he knew it would make. He turned around and quickly yet silently went back to his dorm - where the flowers finally met the ground. His back against the door, he almost wanted to laugh now. How could he have been so foolish? It should have been obvious to him from the start that y/n, warm and kind y/n, would prefere Mattheo, Mattheo would everybody loved or at least fond of, who had no problems making friends and be with people, Mattheo who had never been anything like their father. Mattheo, who people didn’t intimidate or rightfully found cold and strange.

You’ve won, brother.

As always, Tom Riddle found he had been right. Love was meaningless, and he should never have cared for it - should have never cared for her - in the first place.

He was right, but for the first time in his life, he wished he wasn’t.

Want to be on the permanent tag-list or for specific characters/fandoms? Feel free to use my Ask-Box!

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solxamber · 10 months ago

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Hello!

This request requires a bit of twst book 7 spoilers so if you haven't gotten there you can skip this or hold it back until you do 😅

But anyway- the request is Lilia (platonic) with a reader who acts similarly to how he did when he was a general. I think it's interesting to see characters seeing someone who reminds them of their younger self- so yeah.

Have a good day :)

Lilia x Reader

Book 7 spoilers (very slight)

I've caught up to book 7 so no problems there

Lilia Vanrouge wasn’t used to being caught off guard. As the former General of Briarland, he prided himself on his ability to anticipate others’ moves. Yet here you were, marching ahead with that all-too-familiar sharpness in your eyes, commanding the attention of everyone around you, and reminding him so much of his younger self that it was almost eerie.

You stepped into the room, your presence unmistakable as you directed students and Night Raven College staff alike, issuing orders with the same calm authority Lilia once had on the battlefield. Even the way you held yourself, arms crossed and eyes scanning the surroundings, felt like an echo from the past.

“Keep your guard up. I’ve seen paper bags put up more of a fight than you lot,” you called out to a group of students struggling with their spell practice. Your voice, despite its cutting tone, held the undeniable weight of experience. You weren’t cruel; you were just efficient.

Lilia, lounging casually nearby, raised an eyebrow, a glimmer of amusement dancing in his crimson eyes. "Aren't you being a bit harsh, my dear?"

You turned your head slightly, just enough to acknowledge him, but didn’t soften your tone. “Harsh? If they can’t handle a little reality check, they’ve got no business being here. I don’t hand out participation trophies, Vanrouge.”

A slow smile spread across Lilia’s face. Oh yes, you were very much like him in his youth.

"I see, I see. Efficiency over pleasantries, hmm?" Lilia stood up, stretching his arms. "You're starting to sound like a certain fae general I used to know."

You gave him a quick glance before returning to overseeing the students. "So I've heard," you replied dryly. "Though, from what I gather, you’ve gone soft these days."

Lilia laughed, a sharp, almost nostalgic sound. "Soft, you say? Oh, my dear, I like to think I've simply grown wiser. It’s easy to bark orders, but true strength lies in understanding the right moment to act and when to step back.”

You tilted your head, considering his words. "Wiser or not, there’s no place for sentimentality in war… or in this school, for that matter."

He stepped closer, his once light-hearted expression fading as he studied you. "You remind me of myself far more than you know. But remember, it wasn’t just strength or strategy that kept me alive for so long—it was knowing when to let others in. When to trust.”

"Trust?" you echoed, your tone sharp. "Trust is for those who can't stand alone. I don't need anyone to have my back. Never have."

For a moment, the two of you locked eyes, tension crackling in the air like the charge before a storm. Lilia saw in you the same stubborn pride, the same relentless drive that had once pushed him to become one of the most feared generals in Briarland. But he also saw the same isolation—the burden of responsibility that came from always being the strongest, the smartest, the one who couldn’t afford to falter.

“I once believed that too,” Lilia said quietly, his voice no longer teasing but serious, laden with the weight of years gone by. “I thought being strong meant standing alone, shouldering every burden by myself. But you’ll learn, eventually, that even the strongest walls crumble without support.”

You didn’t respond immediately, a flicker of something—recognition, maybe—passing through your eyes. But then you scoffed, shaking your head. “I’m not you. I won’t make that mistake.”

Lilia chuckled again, though this time it was softer, more reflective. “We’ll see. But don’t be surprised if you find yourself looking back one day and realizing you were wrong.”

There was silence between you for a few moments as you both observed the students. Lilia couldn’t help but feel a strange mixture of pride and concern as he watched you. You were so much like he had been—determined, unyielding, with the strength and the tactical mind to back it up. But he also knew the dangers of walking that path alone, of pushing others away in the name of strength.

“You know,” Lilia added after a moment, his voice lightening again, “there’s more to life than just winning battles.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

Lilia grinned, his mischievousness returning in full force. “Well, for starters, you could try having a little fun. Not everything has to be so serious. Even a general needs to let loose sometimes.”

You smirked. “Maybe. But that’s not my style.”

“We’ll see about that,” Lilia said, eyes twinkling. “I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve.”

As you turned away, focusing again on the students, Lilia watched you with a mixture of amusement and nostalgia. You were every bit the fierce, formidable leader he had once been—and he couldn’t wait to see what would happen when you finally realized that sometimes, even the strongest people needed a little help from those around them.

Until then, he’d keep an eye on you. After all, there was nothing more interesting than watching a reflection of your younger self slowly begin to learn the lessons you once had.

And Lilia had all the time in the world.

Masterlist

#twst x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #lilia vanrouge x reader #lilia x reader #lilia vanrouge #lilia #lilia x you #lilia twst

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respectthepetty · 7 months ago

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The Heart Killers' Colors? - Ep. 5

I'm traveling this week for very American Christmas reasons (i.e., football), but thankfully I'm a thot, so when I, in perfect health, look at my travel buddies and tell them I have a headache while rubbing my throat, they don't question where I disappear to for two to three hours, so here I am using my slutty excuse that only can be used once on this trip to watch my little gay show in peace!

And it was worth it just so I could see Pepper Keen tell JJ Thanon that he'll punish him later!

Keen better stop making heart eyes at Thanon on company time though because I don't think this will simply be an HR violation. No! Mother knows best, and her best is MURDER! She'll kill all these boys right where they sit as she is truly the only thing between these two who balance each other out (in white and black!).

I'm also glad I used my be-a-thot-to-get-out-of-group-activities pass on this show because Style was looking delicious trying to fight his good sense and his attraction to Fadel.

But I've been in love with this Black Brooder since the pilot trailer, and I too have slept with criminals, so I'd keep screwing this man if I was Style. Just like me, Style might not be the smartest, but he also isn't stupid!

Unlike his best friend!

This twink is going to be the death of him.

In multiple ways. (God, all these men are so beautiful!)

But Kant did do one smart thing and that was avoiding the camera outside of Bison's house by using a foam block to jump the gate, even though he didn't think about the very real chance there was a camera in the hidden room.

Which is why I NEED to know what Kant's true color is!

I'm still in the Kant-is-yellow-or-green corner like his spa key, but the people behind this show said he was dark blue like his cup.

And regardless of what Bison says, he is a Red Rascal, so either his favorite color is blue, and he turns red when needed,

Or he is picking up on Kant's true color and just playing the part of a docile boy as I suspect.

Bison noticed Babe's bruises, realized their female target would be more into Fadel, and knew James was following him, so unlike Kant who only noticed the exterior camera, Bison is far more observant of people and inner workings.

Every time Kant sees Bison's red side, he looks terrified, and we know he didn't actually date this Red Rascal, but only slept with him.

So I think Bison is attempting to tone down himself and his color by appearing blue.

He cares about this alleged (dark) Blue Boy.

Which is why I think he is trying to be what he thinks Kant would be interested in.

But the red is always there.

It's always around Bison, which is why I feel confident that he is a Red Rascal no matter what he wants to be.

And I think Kant is actually into it because red is always somewhere near him.

He smiled while looking at his phone when texting Bison and his shirts always have red on them, but, once again, red is also always around him in small ways!

So since he knows Bison's real color (because he does know he is a hitman), does he love him despite it?

I think he does and that these two besties are in the same swan-shaped love boat with their oddly colored couples' shirts.

Because it's clear that this (light) Blue Boy is in love with a criminal Black Brooder.

Not only did he explicitly state that he has feelings for this Black Brooder to his best friend,

But he also stepped into his true blue color this episode.

Blue Boys are loyal. They are trustworthy and provide a sense of safety, security, and calmness. So regardless of the circumstances, these two are actually in love since they are already exchanging colors.

Fadel told Style he wasn't that deep yet and he could get over Style easily, but Blue Boy Style already has Black Brooder Fadel baring parts of himself that he has had covered and buried for years. I stated Style was all flesh before, and I appreciate that the boy who doesn't mind being nude is the one to strip Fadel and expose his secrets.

Because just like his best friend, Style now knows exactly who Fadel is, yet unlike his friend who struggles with finding himself liking Bison despite Bison being a killer, Style seems to like Fadel MORE because he is the only one who finally gets to see what Fadel hides from everyone else.

So the tiny fact that their softest and most intimate moments happened at Style's place, an auto repair shop, the place where he restores beings by getting under the hood and repairing the broken parts isn't lost on me. Style wanted Kant's classic car, but he is realizing Fadel is the real classic. Style just doesn't want to get Fadel's engine revving; he wants to treat him the way a classic should be cared for.

Because a mechanic knows a classic never goes out of style.

#the heart killers #the colors mean things #color coded boys in love #I will never not love that Style is a mechanic #but the thirty image limit has once again stunted by power!#and this time limit has too!#my travel buddies texted because it's dinner time #see y'all in a week-ish!#episode five

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u3pxx · 1 year ago

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PLEASEEE can you elaborate on the gavinners i cant stop looking at them theyre so pretty

sometimes i forget that outside of my friends and servers, i don't really talk much about my gavinners boys* huh! so basically, i originally wanted to make them so i could beef up turnabout serenade in my roleswap au, kind of like turnabout samurai where you have a lot more characters which in turn means a lot more suspects!

but then i realized, wait, i need to make them in the canon-verse first before i could make their swap au counterparts! and so now they exist pftt

here y'all go, i'm gonna be copy-pasting the character descriptions i wrote for them during art fight pftt <3

🥁 DEIDRE MINUENDO

Height: 5'7" (170 cm), 5'9.5" (176) with boots on Birthday: Jul 7 ♋︎ | Pronouns: He/Him, She/Her, They/Them

Deidre is the seemingly gloomy and stoic drummer of the band The Gavinners! At first, it could be difficult to get a read on them but despite all that, they're just like that because they prefer saving their energy. It might not look like it, but Deidre enjoys company even if they're not the most chatty with it and thrives the most when they are around other people (she prefers it if she's around the people closest to her though). Deidre is pretty sensitive and an emotional person even if they don't outwardly express it. To the people close to them, Deidre has a sarcastic streak and can be pretty snappy when it comes to teasing. She can dish it but she can't take it however as they can get slightly irritated when they're teased back. Even if they are a rockstar, they can get embarrassed when people praise or say nice things about them to their face, he tends to brush affection if even if he is secretly flattered by it (he's not gonna admit it though pftt) They also enjoy doodling here and there and like stuffed animals (they have a few of their own!)

Deidre was the closest to Daryan so the events of 4-3 affected him immensely. They felt betrayed and confused and tried to deny that Daryan would be capable of taking another person's life; they scrambled to do everything to protect Daryan from omitting information and even lying on the stand. In the end, all of their efforts were for naught and they felt incredibly guilty for what they've done, especially since she started antagonizing Preston when he was starting to suspect Daryan. They cut themselves off from the group, their job, and stardom. They ended up severely depressed and started to rarely go outside anymore. Only Doremy (Daryan's twin, also a close friend of his) was able to reach him during this time while Viva tried to but he kept refusing to see him. It took them a long time to finally be able to reconnect with the group and it took them a lot of help and support to be able to be well again. Deidre carries Daryan's betrayal to the group heavily and it took a while for her to start forgiving herself.

⚡ VIVA CHI

Age: 25 | Height: 5'9" (175 cm) Birthday: Jan 1 ♑︎ | Pronouns: He/Him

Viva is the lively and energetic bassist of the band The Gavinners! Though he may seem goofy and a little unserious, he actually is pretty responsible and is the mediator of the band (as the eldest brother of his siblings and the eldest of the band, he kind of made that his responsibility). He's a forensic scientist and has always had an interest in science alongside music ever since he was young (he thinks Ema is very pretty but she finds him annoying pftt). Viva was the last one to join the band when they were all in high school and despite his extroverted personality, felt a little shy at the time getting to know a new group of people (it's because Preston was there who he may or may not have crushed at while in high-school.) He's a lover of all things caffeinated (especially energy drinks though he should really pace himself) which isn't always the best match to the fact that he's got terrible anxiety and thinks himself down a spiral when he gets too worried.

Once the band disbanded after the events of AA4, Viva, though left in a bad place with his anxiety shot through the roof, fared better compared to the other members. He tried his best to keep in touch with everyone with varying successes despite Daryan's arrest being fresh and hurt. - visiting Daryan in prison to hear his side of the story - popping in to check at Preston in his office because the guy started to take worse care of himself - contacting Deidre even if she was trying to isolate and cut herself from everyone and looking out for Klavier even if he buried himself in his work He took a break from music like everyone else, he still hopes one day they can meet up and play music again, not even as a band, but as a group of friends who loved creating music.

🦇 PRESTON KEISS

Age: 25 | Height: 6'1" (185 cm) Birthday: Oct 25 ♏︎ | Pronouns: He/Him

Preston is the mysterious yet magnetic keyboardist of the Gavinners! Tall, dark, and bewitching; Preston is aware of the impression people have of him at first glance and likes to use that preconception to surprise and even catch people off-guard by purposely being silly or crass. He has a number of odd quirks and mannerisms that he doesn't realize he has, people tend to notice but they often let it pass because he is very handsome (pretty privilege lmao). Preston can sometimes be mischievous and finds certain things amusing only to him even if others don't find it as funny. He's always had an interest in horror and the macabre ever since he was a young boy which developed into a great fascination with the special effects used in old and new horror films alike. (He can be a bit jumpy when watching movies even if he loves to do it, he can't help it if the movie gets to him!) He plays up his whole immortal vampire schtick because the fans tend to theorize if he really was one. (He is not, he'd love to be one though pftt) Preston is very stubborn and adamant about his opinions and can be difficult to sway if he thinks he's correct; he is also quite awkward when it comes to personal matters, as can be seen in his strained relationship with his older sister and whatever romantic thing he's trying to achieve with Viva. He's used to acting larger than life when the cameras are on but being raw and honest has him feeling a little embarrassed and stilted. Preston smokes and keeps it a secret. (Don't tell Viva that!)

Preston was the first person in the band to start suspecting Daryan which he mostly kept to himself at first but wouldn't deny when you asked him (Deidre did not like that.) After Lamirior accused Daryan in court, Preston was determined to make Deidre confront the truth (unfortunately, not taking in why Deidre might be upset and in denial about it) which caused them to have a fight (with Viva being unsuccessful in de-escalating it.) After the Gavinners disbanded, Preston didn't feel very well after Daryan got sent to prison and lost contact with Deidre (whom he hasn't talked to since the case. [he misses them.]) He seemed fine afterward with his workload seeming to increase though upon closer inspection, he's started taking worse care of himself, skipping meals, and losing his interest in music. Preston has a lot of baggage to sort through regarding his friends and his family that will be difficult and painful for him to confront, but rest assured, he's gonna come out of it happy and well.

and here's a compilation of some very old turnabout serenade drawings too :^]

(i didnt make dei's bday turnabout serenade on purpose, it was a tragic happy accident DFGHDJ i wanted his bday to be 7/7 bc i made daryan 6/6 but then the date. i realize the date orz)

#also i dont think ive mentioned this before but ive been thinking about preston being somewhere in the autism spectrum too :^]#ace attorney #deidre minuendo #viva chi #preston keiss #klavier gavin #daryan crescend #the gavinners #sunnysidedoodles #den's gavinners tag #den's ocs tag #sunnysideanswers #id in alt text #described

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lullabyalikpoptarot · 3 months ago

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BTS Shadow/Moral Compass Reading

Disclaimer: No facts, all alleged. This is my interpretation of the cards and energy I work with.

I will start with this group for this reading to see where they lie morally and see what I can pick up from this reading. Not sure what I can get here but going to pull a bunch of cards to see if I can get a full picture of where their moral compass stands and how shadow like they are. Hopefully it is nothing too creepy. So, here I go, let's dig in and see if I can get anything here.

I can't control what I tap into to, so I may get nothing, or some creepy stuff. Some of these idols may not operate too much in their shadow side. This could also be their potential, but don't necessarily operate in it in the physical. I am reading energy, but they can also be as shady as I mention below. At the end of the day. I am just sharing my interpretation here.

Also, we all have a shadow and dark side and, in this industry, higher ups like to play with idols/celebrities moral compass. It is how I feel it works, if you want fame and money it comes with a price, so it is understandable if some showcase strong shadow sides. I am not here to look down on them. Just to see how they operate in this industry. Remember, we are not in their position, and we could very well operate this way if we were. People with money and power do things differently and have different set of rules. I am just here to see where they stand and understand where they come from. I am not here to villainize them.

Jin

Looking at this spread, and girl pulled a lot. I am not seeing he has too much of a dark side. It is interesting when I pulled cards for his skeleton in the closet. He got the King of Wands and he got it again from that same deck. He could work in the shown side of that energy, which can be aggressive. I am not sure how that manifest in the physical, but I do see a lot of aggressive energy. There could be this desire to one up others. He is very passionate. As I see a lot of Wands.

He gives me he is on defense mode. Like he always needs to be on, ready to fight whenever he can. I am not sure why he feels that way. I see no cards of emotions, so he isn't really tapped into that. I don't think he is someone who feels too much empathy and compassion for others. If someone has that victim mindset. I am not sure he would like that.

He can be a bit cold, harsh, judgmental and can quickly cut people out of his life if he feels they are not needed. I don't see him emotionally investing in others too much. I can see him as someone overly confident and could have an ego. He seems like the type to do what it takes to get what he wants, and he tends to get his way. He can see people below him and think he is above certain people. He may even be downright cruel and nasty to them at times. I can see arrogance in his energy. Also, he can have quite a temper.

It does seem he depends on others and tries to ask for favors from others. He may ask people for loans. I know he got money, but people with money still do this. Maybe for him to invest in things. He can be a bit careless with how he achieves things and doesn't always think things through. I am seeing he may give out information if that benefits him in anyway, maybe money wise, or it gets him access to things. I can kind of seeing him using others to get what he wants. He seems to have this obsession with gaining or obtaining the wealth he has.

It is like he does these things to keep his own mental peace. As this industry is full of vultures. One has to learn to play the game and play along is what I feel with him. He may be someone who goes against the collective good and just prefers to fend for himself, or may think he knows better. He may be the type that prefers to stick to the status quo. If any idea goes against his own beliefs and ideals, he may go against it or even fight against it.

Before I close this, I did want to pull some keywords from a deck I made to see more of their characteristics to see where they stand morally. So, he didn't get that many negative cards and I got some dark ones in that deck. He did get the cards work in the light and work in the dark, so as I have been feeling, he is more grey in his approach. He seems to have boundaries and a knowing of how to operate on both ends. He might have felt abandoned or neglected growing up, which may foster this behavior, or he just feels that in general. Also, they may be suggesting he get counselling, although he seems like a proud man that probably wouldn't go that route.

Alright, I am stopping here. He is hard to get information from. Had to sit with him longer than I wanted, but his energy doesn't seem that bad to me. I mean there is shadiness here, but not overall dark, maybe on the grey side.

Suga

I do see he does hide his true identity. What you see isn't really what he truly is and yes, you could say that for mostly all idols, but this is a shadow reading, so those cards popping up could indicate he isn't as he seems. I can see him being tempted to do some shady stuff, won't go into those details. I don't see him having a strong moral compass, sorry, not from what I get here.

There is this one card, that is called true love and the person just seems pure and full of love and believes in it, but it came out reversed, meaning he may not believe in that. I don't think he had a stable upbringing or a lovable one, so that could have tainted him and his view on things, or people constantly disappointing him could have done that.

He kind of follows his own gut instinct or his own moral code and doesn't pay attention to the universal signs or guidance outside himself. Maybe messages saying, maybe this isn't the right thing to do, but he goes with what he believes is right for him. He can have manipulating tendencies. Can abuse his power. He is kind of mechanical on his approach to make money or maintain his career. He doesn't really think about emotions, his or others.

There is something about home and what he has learned there that affects how he behaves now. He seems numb to the drama and competitive nature of the industry. He seemed to have blocked his emotions. I do see that he is overly sensitive and is very emotional. Not sure what that can mean. That could also indicate his Mom and their relationship and how there could be underlying issues and emotions there, which play a role in his behavior.

It seems in the past he was connected to his emotions, but then he just ended up blocking it, due to the harsh nature of the industry and just fell for the trap. He may enjoy the lifestyle of being famous and the fun things that can go along with it and play along with it. He may indulge a bit too much in it. He can also be confrontational, hurtful, spiteful and challenging to others. It could be if they do cross him, but he could just be overall hard to interact with in general.

He kind of seems stuck in no man's land. It is hard for him to grow out of this stage and change his ways. As I mentioned, he doesn't seem he wants to evolve yet and move away from the things he may do. He kind of just bottles his emotions, which leads him to not heal and work through things, so drama and problems can continue to haunt him. If someone avoids their emotions and doesn't deal with them or process them. It will continue to cycle back and manifest itself in different ways until you heal it. So, he seems to struggle to learn lessons. He seems to continue to get tempted to do things, which leads him down a dark path or to suffering.

He seems to be going against his true nature and true calling or what his true purpose is at the moment. And he seems focused on shutting his emotions down and putting that energy to making money, which does stunt his spiritual growth and evolution. As achieving loads of money and hiding are authentic nature is not what our soul's purpose is on this plane.

So, for my keyword deck. He got the word Love to start it off and I am like nice, so he operates on that right, but the next word was challenges, so love in general, providing it for himself and others can be challenging. Another keyword that stuck out was Daddy issues, so maybe he learned things from his Dad, or is similar to how he is or was. As I mentioned, not sure if there is generational trauma, or things he learned early on, or he can carry on the traits of his Dad that may not benefit him that much. He does have a fear of change. He does have a problem with taking his time. It is like things need to be done now. And he struggles to express himself, which leads to anger and frustration. And that can create problems in his life.

J-Hope

From this spread he isn't giving me anything that dark or shadowy. He is showing to preserve their careers they may need to sleep with others. He may not like things to be that way, but doesn't necessarily fight back against it, or have enough knowledge or proof or information of it to do anything about it, so he may have a problem that he has this fear of taking action or doing anything. He seems paralyzed by fear.

He comes off as someone who is emotionally connected and does tap into his spiritual side. He may have this flood of emotions or this intuitive sense to do something, but he tends to stop himself. He seems to go against his true nature of maybe wanting to help, but he tends to shut his eyes or pretend a problem isn't there instead.

He may feel he would lose everything and be left all alone if he speaks on things. He may communicate this information subtlety or as a unanimous source of some sort. He doesn't seem to want problems to erupt. He also tends to let things go until they overflow and burst. I am not sure what that means.

He does have this mothering energy. This needs to keep himself and others around him safe. He prefers comfort and may not like things to change too much or like chaos too much. He kind of seems addicted to the lifestyle he has and may use other outlets to work through his anger and frustration of things in the industry.

It seems he may have heard or know things about how the industry works, but he rather not looks too deep into things. To him it is better to just not know. I feel him on that, because it is safer to just now know than to investigate and know the full truth. As he may then have to do something, or he would have to face he knows these things but doesn't do much about it. He comes off as a passive observer. I don't see him being shady or dark all that much. He may be someone who doesn't stand up against shady stuff. He won't particularly partake in it, but won't fight against it for his safety. I mean a lot of people in the industry and in life are likes this.

So, these keywords he got seem to show he isn't really all that shadow like. He got the work in light card and manipulation and corruption are reversed, so he isn't really shady from what he is giving off energetically. I do see him struggling to rest and losing sleep. Also, he struggles to create or create the life he wants too as well. So, the creation process can be difficult for him, or he struggles to bring out the creations he likes or wants.

So, he is shower more of a darker side than Yoongi I see. He did give me the Devil card, so that could indicate he has done some shady shit. I can't really pick up on details of those things. I do see parties with him, a lot of partying, drinking, sex probably, all that it entails with this industry.

He kind of falls for the hedonistic side of things. He may have or maybe still has that mindset. Of just doing things that provide him pleasure for the moment and doesn't think of the consequences it can have on his health. He kind of gives me having addictions and unhealthy patterns. Do I see him as a bad person that is hurtful to others, not really though, more so himself.

I do see him gaining clarity and trying to get his stuff together. I do get the sense he does lie and creates stories that fit his narrative. He does seem to have this knack of bending the truth. I mean he can just straight up lie, but more so embellishing things that fit into what he wants others to believe. So, he isn't upfront about his desires or maybe who he is. I am not sure you can believe what he says.

He does have an aggressive approach and will knock you down to get what he wants. He is a fighter and goes after what he wants and pushes others out the way to get it. He seems to struggle to meet others halfway and compromise, or he tends to overcompensate in some ways.

He could have learned from childhood to take control of things. There seems to be some sort of generational trauma with him as well. Maybe traits that were passed down from his parents. I will get more into this when I get to their family dynamic reading. Well, hopefully I can get more. He sees to be a control freak and can be rigid about things and there is this need for control. This doesn't have to be too bad, as I also have this shadow trait as well. It is just this strong desire to control things that can make it difficult to work with or people to work with them and it can be a struggle in relationships as well. It is like things have to go his way or he would have a problem. He can be a bit bossy.

He might create problems or chaos, due to his frustrations. It does seem he is trying to remove the dark shadows he may have or heal the problems he has or is trying to do some shadow work. It is like chaos can follow him. But there does seem to be a void he has that he is trying to fill with light, or just learning to remove the negativity within him or his life.

He struggles to be playful. He takes things to seriously. He can have hard boundaries or limits. There is very little room for spontaneity with him. He tends to shut himself down, so he doesn't get hurt. I can see him being haunted by the past, it can be hard to let go of that part of him. It is like he tried to do things slowly and organically, but faced disappointed, so went down the dark path to gain opportunities and that seems to stick with him and it is hard for him to move past that.

I didn't think I needed to pull my keywords, but glad I did. The first cards were trauma and secrets, so yeah, he got some skeletons and has worked in the more darker side and may have not had the best moral compass. I do see him trying to work in the light and improve his life. And they are encouraging him to tend to himself and care for his health, as he seems to not have done that or isn't still doing that. Although, he tries to improve. It can be hard, and he may fall back into patterns. He may improve if he does some healing and shadow work.

So far, he was the easiest to read and not as complex to understand. He tends to be the most open for me, so not surprised.

Jimin

Yeah, I do not see him being that dark at all. This is probably the lightest energy I have seen so far. I am not seeing much shadow energy here. I do see him being controlled by others. I see a lot of women around him. So, maybe his vice is women and maybe he is gullible to them or can be manipulated by them.

He got a lot of cup cards and the Star card. This would give me someone very emotional, loving and sensitive. He could lack boundaries. He could have this strong tendency to be validated and praised by others. There is a lack of self-validation and this need for external validation. He can be pretty destructive or have destructive habits that do not benefit him at all. He tends to struggle to not learn lessons and just keeps repeating patterns over and over again. Similar to Yoongi. He puts himself in positions to do problematic things, so he lacks caution. He doesn't put limits on himself, so he can be careless.

Although, he can be very loving and sweet and kind. He does still have a tendency to lack a moral compass with these two oracle cards I see here. I can get he could cross boundaries, maybe so to please others. I see a woman or women controlling what he does. He seems to lack self-accountability, and he can be reckless. I do see him being shamed and ostracized by this women. It is like this dude has no backbone or identity. He just goes along with what others tell him to do.

He doesn't see things for how things really are and tries to just be hopeful and optimistic about things. There could be a strong obsession or addiction he could have. He isn't very practical or realistic. He can sometimes just be in his own world. Maybe in a state of confusion a lot of the times. He just doesn't live in this reality. Maybe he is constantly drugged up who knows. His energy is confusing. I can't really concentrate in his energy, which could be the case for him. It is like he refuses to see the lies and manipulation. He tends to be naive and may think this is in his best interest or they are doing things in his best interest. This is weird. His energy is very hard to grasp, because he doesn't really have an identity or have any strong beliefs or ideals. He just goes with whatever.

Not sure why Daddy Issues came out reversed, not sure what that can mean. He did get the morally light card in reversed. He could be in that energy, but tends to block that energy. I see cards of him needing to put himself and his needs first and to gain confidence in himself. There are past issues he needs to address and he needs to learn to stand up for himself and not be a punching bag for others or just doing what others say. He has lost all sense of himself through this process. This is what I can get from him.

I don't particularly see him as dark. He could be a good person if he stands up for himself and has a core foundational self. But he tends to go along with what others say and do. It is hard to say with him where he stands. Because he doesn't have a core sense of self. I don't know what he thinks or believes. But I will say he most likely did shady stuff, because even if he is a decent person. He doesn't have the strength or courage to say no to things that may cross the moral code.

Okay, so overall he shows off as someone who works in the light and is a pretty good person. I mean he got the Sun (twice) and the Justice card. These cards are strong indications of someone with a good moral compass overall. I do believe he may have done some things regarding his career. As I did get Scorpio energy, along with the House 10, but this could also indicate for him. That there are dark parts of the industry he would prefer to move away from and leave behind.

I mean there is a card that states dark path, and it is in reversed, so he doesn't really step into dark things or do crazy shady stuff from what I see here. He seems like someone who is cautious and tries not to make too many bad decisions. I mean the Justice card means someone who tends to make good decisions and has good judgment.

There is a sense he may feel he knows more or has deeper knowledge about things than he does. It could be about life or spiritual matters. He may feel superior to others in a sense and feel he is above others, because of his knowledge, but he may need to understand that he nor anyone has all the answers, but he may feel he does.

There could be things he may have done that he may not be proud of, so he could have done something that he is trying to move past and create positive change. He seems remorseful and may not want to go back to doing that. Or there is knowledge of things he isn't happy about or proud of. I just see there being baggage he does have.

There is a sense he feels he does know all the answers and has a vast knowledge of insight, which is great that he can tap into the collective knowledge of answers, but no one knows the full truth, so he may not be aware of that. He might tend to see this world as a shithole to be honest and look down on this world. I get it. I can be this way too, because of understanding there is more to this life, but he needs to recognize there are good aspects and reasons we are here to live out this life.

He could have habits or addictions that help him escape and forget himself. It doesn't have to be drugs or drinking. There are many others ways to escape. I do see him feeling shame for his past. I remember someone saying he has had a sexual addiction. I can see it with this spread of cards. It may be his muse to escape, but he tends to not be proud of doing that. There could be dark secrets about the industry he would want to expose as well. I do see him at times being good at saying no to things.

I do see him being cold and distant and may ignore some people who try to reach out to him. He tends to like to keep to himself. He can be avoidant. There is this strong belief that he can do things on his own and that he doesn't really need help from others. I can see him helping people he cares about, but he wouldn't really want help from others. He tends to feel he can do it all. Okay, none of this seems too bad. Let's look at my keyword deck to see what that gives me.

Well, he did get the morally grey card, so he isn't that innocent, but I did mention that. Although, he seems more now to operate in the light and maybe tries to be more moral. There is something about, as I mentioned before, his connections and who he knows that may lead him into a dark path and make him more morally grey. He may do shady things for the people he cares about.

Although, he has his worries. I don't see him stressing out too much about things. He doesn't seem to have a problem with expressing himself and his needs. He may struggle to recognize his worth. Maybe he may not see his value as others do. Money seems to be a point of contention for him. I am not sure he cares about money too much, or he tends to always offer money to others, or people contact him for it. I don't think he needs to worry about the inflow of it too much. I mean the others probably don't either, but with him especially for some reason. He could just be the best at investing money into good things that continue his money flow outside of BTS. Anyway, didn't get anything too dark with him, but he has operated on the grey scale and did slightly shady stuff, but for the most part he tries to stay out of trouble.

Jungkook

Okay, this one is going to be difficult. It is interesting that the same cards popped up for him in the Dark Mirror deck that he got in his perspective reading. There can be a shadow and darkness in him lurking. Maybe a void within him. He got the Temple of My Body, which as I mentioned being used for his body and this could indicate sexual favors for me, as we know. He also got the Triumph of lies again. He also did get the 7 of swords in the Tarot spread, this indicates lies and manipulation.

I am not sure if that is him or the people around him are lying to him or he doesn't see things clearly. Or just his whole rise to fame was based on lies and deceit. I am getting a whole bunch of cards of manipulation, so that surrounds him and he may very well be this way.

It is like most things about him are not the truth. It is like there is a facade around him. He kind of upholds this image, but that isn't true to who or what he is. It is weird because I am getting that there is this unawareness on his part about the things around him. He is like in a daze. Also, he seems to be isolated from others. Does he not see his family a lot? It is like he seems to think or believe things are great when they are not.

He seems to be in his own bubble unaware of the craziness that surrounds him, the deceit, the lies, the manipulation. It gives me Truman show vibes of him being unaware of the schemes happening around him and him being paraded around. This is weird af. His image or self tends to be tied to other people, or he just likes to be connected with others. It is like he depends on another person to boost himself up. I mean I get that, since he is a hopeless romantic, but he may use them to fill a void he has.

It is like who he is, very much ties to who he is with. He feels like his best self when he is with someone. There is a vibrant color to him, an authentic childlike wonder to him. He may struggle to mature and can be immature. He can be naive about things. But with the darkness that surrounds him he keeps his color. There is this lack of satisfaction he does have and this desire to always reach new heights, maybe unattainable heights, or he can do dangerous things.

I do feel the abuse he may have had. Does foster this struggle in him to open up, which is contradicting with him wanting to find love, but there is this struggle to be vulnerable and maybe to reveal his true self. He may feel fear they could reject him if he does so. He may struggle to understand he is on a dark path, or learn from mistakes he has made. It may be all he knows and he may not know how to operate on making sound, reasonable and good judgments.

He seriously reminds me of Bieber. It is like if you only know a certain way of living and people around you are deceitful and cunning. It is hard to know how to work on a moral basis. He just seems caught up in a world of lies. It is all he seems to know, since he was young. It is like he is conditioned to believe the twisted things they do is normal.

Of course, these keywords do not clarify things that much as he is perplexing to me. Anyway, he should speak up on things. These underlying issues that may be happening around him. He seems stressed about what is going on, or he may be stressed and uncertain of why, but that can be due to not addressing these underlying issues. There could be a dominating figure that can restrict him from going to places, maybe traveling and creating the things he wants. None of this really doesn't show his character too much. This is more guidance of what he should do. I am still not sure if he is deceitful or people around him are and this is what he knows and learned from.

Whew this reading is pretty difficult and long, like my childhood reading. I will need a weekend break from this one too. I will do TXT and Enha next and then venture to the other groups I normally do. This one will take time to post, but slowly and surely, I will get there. As this was interesting to do. So, I am excited to get to my other groups with this one.

#kpop tarot #bts tarot

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solar-wing · 1 year ago

Text

⚣ Disobey 😠

⚣😠 Summary → Conner has had enough of Y/N disobeying him.

⚣😠 Words → 1.3K

REBLOGS & replies are greatly appreciated, please! 💛

⚣ ENJOY 😠

"a-ah, fuck ... ! Please let me cum!"

Conner pressed the young mage harder against the wall, laying another hard smack on his bottom while thrusting in and out of his quivering hole. He also held a tight grip on the boy's throbbing and red cock, squeezing at the base whenever he could tell the boy was about to cum.

The Kryptonian grunted in his ear while increasing the intensity of his thrusts, "Don't tell me what to do. I'm not ready for you to cum yet, got it? You're going to learn how to follow orders," He delivered an extra hard push with that sentence while squeezing down again on the poor boy's whimpering dick, pulling a needy whine from him.

Earlier that day, Batman briefed the team on a mission where they were to recover a powerful magical relic from some ancient ruins before a group of cultists found it and delivered it to their leader. When they arrived, the group split off into pairs to find the relic faster, Superboy ordered Y/N to come with him, even though some felt it'd be better if he and Zatanna went together.

Superboy instructed the young mage to stay close to him at all times and not wander off, sensing the place would have various booby traps. As they were looking through the ruins, Y/N got curious and wandered off to look at some interesting-looking markings on the walls, accidentally activating the magical defenses.

Thankfully, the spell to nullify it was simple enough. But it didn't make the Kryptonian any less angry with him.

Then, when they eventually ran into the cultists who had found the relic, Superboy instructed Y/N to run and grab help while he held them off. Of course, that wasn't the smartest idea since he was more vulnerable to magic attacks than the mage.

Y/N didn't listen though and had engaged the cultists himself, Superboy's anger doubling at the mage's disobedience. They were able to hold them off long enough for the rest of the team to show up and fight together.

Y/N managed to steal the relic back from the cult and the team successfully defeated them with only a few of the cultists getting away. Everyone congratulated the young mage for his quick thinking, but Superboy was still furious with him.

When they returned to the Cave, Conner roughly pulled the boy aside to his room before slamming and locking the door, proceeding to scold the young mage. The Kryptonian yelled at him for not listening to him and putting himself in danger, calling the boy reckless and irresponsible.

Y/N didn't take well to that and argued back, defending himself, turning it into a full-blown argument until the two were in each other's faces.

"You need to learn some fucking respect. You may be strong, but you're still new. I've been a part of this team from the start and have more experience than you, so you need to learn to listen to me." Conner growled, getting in the boy's face.

"I'm not a child! I can take care of myself, thank you very much. And last I checked, you aren't the leader of this team, Kaldur is, so back off. I don't have to listen to you and I don't need you to protect me." Y/N growled back, before shoving his way past the Kryptonian towards the door.

He didn't make it far though before Conner grabbed his arm and yanked him back, pinning him to the bed, "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm leaving, I don't need to deal with this right now," Y/N said, struggling against the Kryptonian's hold.

Conner growled in his ear, "You're not going anywhere. I'm not done with you yet."

"Oh, fuck you, Superboy." Y/N snapped, glaring daggers at the Kryptonian.

Conner glared back before suddenly crushing his lips against Y/N's, forcing his tongue into his mouth. Y/N struggled and fought against the Kryptonian's hold, but couldn't break free from his grip. Conner pulled away and smirked at the mage, "You're going to learn how to listen to me, whether you like it or not."

That's how Y/N found himself currently pinned against the wall, his ass in the air with the Kryptonian's cock thrusting into him.

Conner continued to slam his hips forward, making sure to graze over the young hero's prostate every time. The squelching of his wet cock, the loud slapping of their skin, and the grunting from both of them filled the room.

The young hero could only take the pounding, his legs were starting to feel like jelly and he was sure he would've fallen by now if the Kryptonian wasn't holding him up.

"please ... I’ll beg for it, do whatever you want for it ... please ... " Y/N cried out, tears starting to form in his eyes.

Conner smirked and leaned forward, "I'm not ready for you to cum just yet."

"Please! I've learned my lesson, I promise! I'll do anything, please just let me cum!" Y/N begged, his voice cracking.

"Anything, huh? I don't believe you" Conner said, his hips not faltering in their thrusts.

"Please, I promise! I'll do whatever you ask, I'll listen to your every command, I'll never go against your word, just please let me cum!" Y/N sobbed, his cock was so hard and red, he needed release.

"Fine, but you're going to cum untouched, and you're going to take all of my cum inside you, got it?" Conner growled in the boy's ear, releasing the boy's cock and placing both hands under his ass, his thrusts becoming more erratic.

"I'm going to fill you up so much, you'll be leaking my cum for days. And if you ever disobey me again, I'll punish you even harder, understand?" Conner said, his tone stern and threatening., pressing their fronts together while burying his face into the smaller male's neck, his teeth scraping his skin.

"Yes, sir! Thank you, sir! I promise to be good from now on!" Y/N moaned, feeling the Kryptonian's thrusts become more powerful and the heat inside him build.

"Fuck, you're such a good boy for me, aren't you? My perfect little boy," Conner praised, licking a stripe up the boy's neck, "I'm so close, I'm going to fill you up so much, gonna fill you to the brim..."

"Please, please, please..." Y/N pleaded, his breath ragged and short as his cock dripped pre-cum, he was so close.

Conner suddenly grabbed his cock, squeezing it again, pushing down the boy's release.

"AH a-ah, fuck ...no, please !" The boy cried out from the overstimulating pain, punching his fists against the Kryptonian's sweaty back.

Conner chuckled darkly, his hand moving to stroke the boy's throbbing cock, speeding up his thrusts, hitting his prostate dead-on every time.

"Cum for me, baby."

The young hero screamed out, his body spasming as his release finally hit him, his cock spurting thick white ropes of cum all over the Kryptonian's hand and abs. Conner grunted as he continued his relentless thrusting, his balls tightening as his release came crashing down.

With one final thrust, the Kryptonian buried his cock deep inside the boy, shooting thick loads of hot cum inside him.

The two boys panted heavily, their bodies glistening with sweat as they tried to catch their breaths. Conner leaned up, using one hand to tilt the boy's head up before placing a final rough kiss against his lips.

"Hopefully this teaches you a lesson. Don't ever disobey me again." Conner said, pulling his cock out, his cum leaking out of the boy's hole and down his thighs.

Y/N whimpered from the emptiness, slowly letting his legs down to the ground before they were roughly pulled back up.

"Where do you think you're going? We're not done here, not by a long shot. You're staying here and we're going to have some more fun," Conner growled in the boy's ear, pulling his cum-covered hand up to his lips, "Now clean my hand, you made quite a mess."

Y/N obeyed, his tongue running across the Kryptonian's hand, licking off all the cum.

"Good boy. Now, on your knees."

The young hero knew he was in for a long night.

☀️ | Conner Kent/Superboy | ☀️

☀️ | Masterlists | ☀️

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linkspooky · 1 year ago

Text

So I was genuinely surprised last week when we were finally shown Megumi's mental state inside Sukuna and he was predictably at his lowest point ever, and instead of sympathy from the fans most of the responses on twitter I saw were people mocking him.

Which I am going to assume comes from a misunderstanding as his character. You see Megumi doesn't fit into the role of the black haired supporting protagonist / rival well. He's not Sasuke, he's not Uryu Ishida, he's not Yuno but he's not meant to be a rival or even a typical shonen character who's progress is only measured by a series of power ups. Megumi is perhaps one of the most subtly written characters in the manga, and perhaps he's hard to sympathize with because he doesn't fit into easy to udnerstand shonen tropes. Which is why I will try to explain his arc below and why Jujutsu Kaisen does it like no other manga currently running.

1. Meet Potential Man

Let me introduce you to the worst meme on twitter.

Megumi's inability to live up to his potential to reach his full power as a sorcerer is probably his biggest flaw, one that is rightfully called out by the narrative again and again, but apparently an intentionally written character flaw is bad writing.

It's covered in Gojo's "Swing for the fences" speech.

Gojo notices Megumi bunt in the baseball game and decides to confront him about it later. He highlights that while bunting is alright in baseball, and it's good to sacrifice yourself so your teammates can advance in a team sport that being a sorcerer is a solo sport. No matter what Megumi is going to reach a point where he's forced to fight alone, and instead of trying to push himself to be as strong as he can be he intentionally limits himself to cooperate with the sorcerers around him.

Basically, the opposite of Gojo who literally cannot fight with other sorcerers because he won't be able to fight at full strength as they just get in the way.

It's not just that Megumi can't use the ten shadows to its full potential, something pointed out by Sukuna, and then later again by Gojo, it's also that he always prioritizes either the group or someone else above himself when trying to decide how to act. Megumi is a semi-decent strategist so this is not necessarily a bad thing, but because of Megumi's tendency to care more about trying to live up to other people's expectations towards him, and what other people need of him rather than his own needs he doesn't have the attitude necessary for sorcery, especially since the strongest sorcerers don't take others into account at all and act like living calamities.

Megumi doesn't look at himself, he looks at the people around him. He judges himself based on what the people around him want from him, not what he wants. This is going to be a continual theme in his arc.

Sukuna is a living calamity, the definition of the attitude a strong sorcerer has, Gojo Satoru wields sorcerery only for himself, and is a sorcerer because he finds exorcising curses and using his god given talents to be fun for him.

Megumi's reason for fighting, his self worth, are all much, much less than the strongest characters in this series which is why he continually fails to live up to his potential. It's not because Gege is not good at writing or Megumi is a disappointing character, but rather he's been written as someone with tremendous potential under the pressure to live up to that potential but who continually fails to do so. Megumi's low self-esteem, low self-worth, and lack of self-identity explains both his failure to progress as a sorcerer something that requires selfishness and self-identity to reach greater heights in, but also his tendency to pick the suicide option with Mahoraga because Megumi genuinely believes compared to the others even just his classmates his life is simply worth less.

So potential man, is an intentionally written character flaw already called out in canon. The more interesting question is why does Megumi fail to live up to his potential.

2. Meet The Original Potential Man

So, I said that Megumi is not like a lot of characters in Shonen Jump but that doesn't mean he's entirely unique. To help explain Megumi's inability to live up to his potential I thought it would be helpful to compare him to a character he's clearly inspired by.

Killua Zoldyck, is the deuteragonist of a manga called hunter x hunter. You may have heard of it, Gege certainly has. Killua is born into a family of assassins who all have supernatural powers. The assassins inflict incredibly harsh training on their children from birth in order to raise them into assassins because their potential as assassins is all that matters. They also start with a "Z".

Killua is apparently the most talented Zen'in... I mean Zoldyck of this generation, though he's still young so he's weaker than his father and brother he's expected to easily surpass them one. Which is why Killua's family has already decided for him that he's going to be the next one to take over the family, Killua's opinion doesn't matter. Illumi and Silva are both setting him up for success by forcing their "help" upon him. Several other members of the family even point out that Killua probably doesn't have the attitude to be the head of the family, but what does it matter when he's got such great talent?

Killua is a complicated victim. He's a victim of many things, familial abuse is the most obvious one because the Zoldyck have a nasty habit of torturing their children, but the less obvious one is grooming. Not in a sexual sense, but rather the adults in Killua's life have decided to use their authority over him to manipulate him into becoming what they want him to be - the next head of the family.

What's insidious about this is the Zoldyck's don't just torture or beat Killua into submission, they will use any tool in their arsenal, familial love, emotional blackmail, threats, all to undermine Killua's agency and choices in order to make him not only do what they want to do but make him think he has to grow into the person they want him to.

Grooming not in a sexual sense, but definitely in a psychological sense, an adult using their authority as an adult over a child and their maturity to manipulate that child into becoming what they want them to be instead of letting that child grow naturally. When it's used in a sexual sense it's when an adult establishes a connection with a minor, and then uses that connection in the long-term to manipulate them into having a relationship and lower the child's inhibition. Think of that, but without the sexual part - an adult using their relationship with a child often in a long-term manipulation to lower the child's inhibitions and make them more malleable and raise them to do what you want them to do.

Killua has not been sexually groomed, but he has been groomed by both his parents and his brother to make him more suggestible to becoming the family head which is something he explicitly does not want to do. Not only did Killua's family only raise him for the purpose of becoming an assassin and taking over the family one day (raising him as a child into an adult, his emotional maturity, his health and well being are all secondary priorities to what Killua can do for his family) they also manipulate him into thinking he has no choice other than being an assassin.

Killua is a kid put through extremely harsh training from a young age, to do a horrible job that is being an assassin that doesn't let him make normal friends or have a normal life. On top of the physical abuse he's already endured, whenever he expresses a desire to do something else in his life, his parents send Illumi to emotionally manipulate him into thinking that not only is he a natural born killer, and therefore a bad person who deserves all the abuse he's been put through, to further convince him that his only path forward is to be an assassin.

Killua is a character who has a lot of power, but little agency. Agency, in fiction is the ability a character has to take action and make decisions for themselves. Despite Killua starting as a more powerful and more savvy character than Gon, he has little agency and is often very passive. He doesn't act, he reacts. Even running away from his family is a reaction. We don't really see what he wants in life, we just know that he looked at his family and went "NOT THAT". However, his entire identity is still formed in response to his family's abuse. Even when he gets farther away from them, Killua doesn't really do what he wants, he does what Gon wants, and follows around Gon.

However, it's very understandable why Killua doesn't act with a lot of agency, when Killua does try to make decisions his family always shows up to undermine him and make another attempt to emotionally manipulate him into doing what they want. It's not always Illumi showing up to spook him. Silva pretends to be a loving dad for five minutes and has a heart to heart conversation with his son, and lets his son go adventuring with his friends but that too is a manipulation. He only did so to make sure Killua would eventually come back, by giving Killua more positive memories that would make it harder to make the decision to leave the family.

With the extent that Killua's family goes to sabotage any decision he makes, it's no wonder Killua is so passive and afraid to make his own decisions. It's almost like a character flaw he's gotta work on.

Now here's where I'm going to blow your minds. Megumi is an incredibly similar character to Killua, they are both the victims of longterm grooming however people don't like to acknowledge Megumi's victimhood. That's because in Killua's case, his abuser looks and acts like this.

Killua's abuser Illumi is a creepy guy who looks like the girl from the grudge, telling him he's not allowed to make friends and giving off such rancid vibes that he's obviously a bad guy. Whereas, Megumi's groomer this this guy.

Gojo Satoru who is one of the most popular characters in the series, and who also gives speeches about how he wants to let children be able to live out their youths, which is why it's hard for the fandom to see that he has taken advantage of Megumi and stolen his youth away from him pretty much the same way that Silva / Illumi has for Killua.

Megumi, like Killua has no choice in who he wants to be when he grows up, or what kind of person he wants to grow into. Megumi, like Killua has been groomed for a young age and forced into an incredibly dangerous and life threatening job that he does not want to do, that denies him the chance of a normal life, and that does not really allow him to make many friends. Megumi is railroaded onto this path, not by his choice, but by Toji's choice, and later Gojo's choice... because he has potential. Megumi like Killua cannot leave his family and stop being a sorcerer, otherwise his little sister who is the only family member he cares about will be hurt.

Gojo doesn't show up with an evil aura looking like the grudge girl and telling Megumi that he doesn't have the right to make friends, and that he's inherently evil and a puppet that only exists to kill people though so it's harder to tell that Megumi is a victim of the same kind of grooming that has hurt Killua so thoroughly.

This is what I mean when I say a lot of Megumi's characterization flies over your head because his victimization is written really subtly. Gojo does the same thing that Illumi / Silva does to Killua, he may seem like a stand up guy compared to those two but Megumi has about as much choice about what he can do with his life that Killua has.

Not all grooming is Illumi showing up with his spooky eyes to intimidate and coerce Killua into submission. Silva shows up to give Killua the first fatherly talk he had in his life, and lets him go from the mansion.... not because he realized he was wrong for restricting Killua's life choices and giving him no choice but to become heir.

No, it was a ploy to guilt trip him into coming back because he knew if he held Killua there by force he'd just run away the next chance he got. Fear and intimidation wasn't working at keeping Killua in line, so they switched to love instead.

Gojo can encourage Megumi to make friends, let him hang out and spend time with Itadori, even honor his wish to save Itadori and in the end still be manipulating him into becoming a sorcerer and not letting Megumi choose what he wants to do with his life. Gojo just prefers the carrot to the stick.

This is something the databooks confirm, that Gojo hunts prospects like Yuta, Yuji and Megumi not out of the goodness of his heart, but because they are talented students he can recruit to his cause with the added bonus that by appearing as their savior, they "owe" him.

Megumi is also a character lacking in agency, he is someone who's had no agency his entire life and what little agency he did have was stolen away from him by the adults in his life.

Let's analyze Megumi's situation for a second. As soon as Megumama dies, Toji gives up on the idea of fatherhood entirely, and decides to sell his son, literally, like in the sense of human trafficking to be raised by the highly abusive Zen'in Clan.

However, before the deal could be completed his father died in the middle of a mission. Megumi apparently saw his father so little that he didn't recognize him on coming face to face with him years alter, which says a lot about what kind of role Toji played in Megumi's life before he was outright abandoned.

Not only does Megumi believe his father just left him to run away with his new wife (Megumi's stepmother and the mother of Tsumiki) but now he and Tsumiki had to live together in a household without supervision for an indeterminate amount of time and watch their money slowly run out.

When it looks like they're about to start starving, Gojo Satoru shows up to save the day.... or not.

Gojo seems like he's offering Megumi a choice, but it's a loaded one. There's no choice in this scenario where Megumi gets to be a normal kid. The option of calling social services so this orphaned child does not starve doesn't occur to him.

Megumi's options are a) go to the Zen'in Clan and be a sorcerer where Tsumiki will be abused, or b) be a sorcerer under me where Tsumiki will be safe. The unspoken part is that if Megumi rejects his offer not only will he just let the Zen'in Take him, he'll also probably just let Megumi starve. Megumi the uh six or so year old child at this point has to sign away the rest of his life as a sorcerer, and work in order to earn money to eat.

No adult is taking care of Megumi, no one is raising him, even the food and shelter Megumi is given comes with a price tag that he has to pay back by being a Jujutsu Sorcerer and attending Jujutsu High as a teenager. Gojo even kind of subtly uses Tsumiki as a hostage to get Megumi to join with his agenda, because his offer isn't really much better than the Zen'ins but he needs Megumi on his side because he needs to raise kids to be future allies to his political agenda.

At the tender age of six Megumi signed his life away to be a sorcerer and he hasn't looked back since. Considering his severe behavioral problems getting into fights constantly at school, I think it's safe to say Megumi is about as reluctant to be a sorcerer as Killua is an assassin.

Honestly, if Megumi had phrased it like this:

"I'm so tired of being a sorcerer, I just want to be a kid."

Megumi would have a lot more fans, and Gojo would have a lot of explaining to do, but I think the brilliance of Megumi's grooming is that it's not really as blatant as Killua's. Megumi doesn't talk out loud about how he wants to be a normal kid, he's just angry at the whole world, and prone to fits of violence because he's mentall unwell.

Another way in which he parallels Killua, by the way.

Megumi does not talk about his lost childhood out loud. Instead of knowing his thoughts on the matter, instead we are shown his behavior, the effects of having his childhood taken away from him and how unstable it makes him and left to ponder as the audience what Megumi himself thinks of this.

The same way that Illumi steals all of Killua's agency away, robbing him of the chance to be anything other than what the Zoldycks want him to be, so to does Gojo. It's just instead of Gojo using the stick, he uses the carrot. He is Megumi's benefactor, he's the savior, for whose help Megumi owes him, sort of like repaying a loan with interest.

Gojo tries to shape Megumi into Gojo Satoru 2.0. Or maybe a second Geto. That's more likely as it's Geto defection which inspires Gojo to go looking for him after neglecting to do anything about Megumi until a year after finding out about his existence. Gojo says that Megumi is going to have to work hard or else he'll be left behind, just days after Geto had left him behind. Megumi is helped by Gojo, he is protected from the clans by Gojo, he has been taken on missions alongside Gojo his entire life, Maki even refers to Megumi as a treasure that was raised carefully by him.

Gojo invests a lot of time and effort into Megumi and because of that Megumi is expected to "perform." However, he doesn't.

That's the thing, Megumi is supposed to be either Gojo or Geto 2.0 but he just can't be. THe reason why again is Agency. If Killua is limited because of his inability to decide for himself, then so to is Megumi b/c Nen and Cursed Technique Development both depend on things like imagination, ego and self-image to raise them up to their full potential.

However, Gojo has shot himself in the foot with regards to Megumi. Becoming a Jujutsu Sorcerer requires a strong identity, but Gojo by sabotaging Megumi's agency and ability to decide for himself every step of the way has robbed Megumi of the chance to form that strong identity.

Megumi, just like Killua has no sense of self and instead both judges himself according to others, how he meets their expectations, how he measures up to them - he also glorifies others while constantly putting himself down.

Megumi doesn't give speeches about how Yuji is like pure light, but he also refuses to let Yuji out of his sight post Shibuya, and even says it'd be better to be killed by Sukuna alongside Yuji if Sukuna does take over.

In the Chimera Ant Arc Killua defines all of his self-worth around being useful to Gon, and beats himself up for not being able to measure up to him - because Killua has no sense of self his selfhood has always been undermined by his family who wanted to make him more suggestible to what they wanted.

Megumi is flippant with his own life and very willing to lay down his life for another's sake, because Megumi has very little agency in his life and has been taught by both Gojo and his circumstances that he himself and what he wants does not matter. Megumi doesn't fight fate, and fight for what he wants because he's already been shot in the kneecaps by both Toji's abandonment, and Gojo Satoru, and he's having a difficult time just trying to stand with bullets in his knees.

Maybe, the reason Megumi is so willing to risk his life to summon Mahoraga and sacrifice himself if he thinks it will help his allies is because Megumi has been forced into a job where he's gonig to be expected to sacrifice his life for the greater good since the tender age of six years old and therefore everything in life has conspired to tell him his life is worth less than others.

Yuji isn't the first person in story to think of himself as a cog, that's Megumi. He doesn't even need Shibuya to beat him down to accept the cog mindset, Megumi is already there at the beginning of the story.

I think a lot of misunderstanding of Megumi's character comes from the fact that his grooming is more subtle and insidious, and not as blatant as Killua's, and also that it's done by a character well-liked by the fandom. However, if Megumi has all the same symptoms of Killua then it's logical to deduce that they share the same trauma

Even Megumi's summoning of Mahoraga has a tie to Killua.

There's a pattern of KIllua running away from stronger opponent that's established in HXH that's eventually revealed to be because of a needle that Illumi inserted directly into Killua's brain to mind control him to run if he faced someone that was too much of a threat.

Obviously, that's just continuing the metaphor of the fact that Killua isn't able to believe in himself to face people who are stronger, because Illumi has been constantly putting him down his entire life.

Isn't this essentially what Megumi does as well?

When Megumi is faced with an opponent that's too strong or a hopeless situation, instead of running like Killua he summons Mahoraga. He does this because he doesn't believe in his ability to surpass his limits and fight, because he doesn't believe in himself or his own potential.

When is actually able to think more freely and picture a version of himself who can surpass his limits and who can do these things - these are the moments he is shown to grow.

Megumi however, for the most part isn't free. He can't think of himself as free and he can't free himself, because not only does he still have no choice about what he wants to do with his life (even if he becomes the msot powerful sorcerer in the world Gojo won't let him quit, he's gotta pay off those student loans), but he's also internalized the idea that he's not free. Not only has Gojo raised him to be a cog, Megumi has also accepted the fact that he is a cog and what he wants does not matter - the most he can do is hope that his actions will protect the people he loves and give them a little bit of happiness.

Megumi doesn't need a needle in his brain to control him and make him run away from fights and more obedient, because Megumi has already done all of that to himself with the toxic and self-harming ideas he's internalized.

Megumi and Killua having given up on themselves, try to make others happy, the same people they put on pedestals in order to make themselves feel even worse in comparison.

However, from this point Megumi and Killuas arcs go in opposite directions. You see after the Chimera Ant Arc when Killua hits his lowest point and his codependent friendship with Gon is exposed for what it is, Killua returns home in order to try and rescue his sister Alluka who is probably the reason he ran away in the first place.

Alluka and Tsumiki are both at the start of the story taken away from Killua and Megumi respectively, and with them the only genuine familial affection they ever enjoyed in their lives is taken too.

However, Alluka and Tsumiki are inversions. Alluka finds her freedom and agency, and Killua is able to reform his connection with his sister by accepting both pats of her, Alluka and Nanika. Afterwards the two of them finally leave their family home together and go off on a journey together.

If Alluka finds her personhood, Tsumiki remains a plot device. She never awakens from her coma, she's possessed instead and then murdered.

Now, here is where I point out how unfair the audience is being to Megumi. If you're a hunter x hunter fan remember all the character development that Killua gained by reforging his relationship with Alluka, how much confidence it gave him to connect to the one person who's even unconditionally loved him as a family member.

Now imagine that Alluka is brutally butchered right in front of him, and Killua has a first person point of view, because somehow in this scenario Illumi used a needle to mind control him into killing Alluka.

Do you really think Killua would be able to stand after that?

Sukuna is really just the last in line of a long line of people who've stolen Megumi's agency away from him, in order to benefit themselves. Sukuna even saw the same "potential" in Megumi that Gojo did.

Sukuna physically posessing Megumi's body, is just what both the Zen'in Clan, and Gojo Satoru have been trying to do to him in the most literal way possible. Gojo wants to remake Megumi into Gojo Satoru 2.0 with no regards to who Megumi is as a person, what Megumi's wants and needs are. No he just wants to raise someone as strong as him and pass the burden of protecting society onto Megumi, this starving orphan Gojo decided to exploit.

People have always used Megumi as a puppet for their own agenda, Naobito wanted to make him the head of the Zen'in Clan because he had the technique, Gojo wanted him to become the next strongest sorcerer / Gojo Satoru and also to replace the elders with Gojo's political agenda. They all want Megumi's "potential" for themselves to use to their own ends. Sukuna just takes what Gojo did one step further by literally stealing Megumi's body away from him and using him as a literal puppet instead of a metaphorical one. Gojo took Megumi's childhood by making him work as a sorcerer, Sukuna kills the physical embodiment of Megumi's childhood innocence by murdering Tsumiki, the only thing Megumi had in his life besides being a sorcerer, his only family, the only person he grew up with in his childhood years, the only person who loved him for who he was.

Megumi coped with what Gojo did to him the same way Killua did, by building himself around his use to others, and by building his identity around protecting others but now that's all gone. Tsumiki is gone, Megumi is trying to kill his friends, and he's already butchered Gojo Satoru.

Yet the fans are surprised that Megumi doesn't immediately get back on his feet.

However, and this my slightly optimistic ending to the post. Perhaps, Megumi is going the complete opposite of Killua, because what Megumi needed to learn was not to grow strong and confident enough to protect his sister but to learn to fight for himself.

At this point Megumi has nothing else left. It's sink of swim. He either develops a strong enough identity to regain control of his body and push Sukuna out, or he loses and the anti-Sukuna team will just have to resort to killing Megumi along with Sukuna.

Even in that case.

Megumi not being saved by Yuji is a good thing.

Because a victim who gets rescued by a hero still has no agency.

Megumi told Yuji that he needs to start by "saving me."

However, it might just be the opposite. Before Megumi can save anyone else, before he can become a protector, he has to find his own power and save himself. He has to both accept thathe's someone worthy of salvation, and at the same time he can't just passively accept the hand that Yuji's offered to him he has to actively be the one to break free of Sukuna and save himself.

Megumi can't become the strongest sorcerer by becoming the next Gojo Satoru or being what Gojo or Sukuna wants him to be. THe only way Megumi can become the strongest, is by being himself.

#jjk meta #hxh meta #megumi fushiguro #killua zoldyck #gojo satoru #illumi zoldyck #ryomen sukuna #jjk spoilers #jujutsu kaisen spoilers

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