#But Travis did respond to Matt as if it was in-character)

[amplexadversary]

Travis, having just finished scouting using an Arcane Eye: "I'll take the eye, I'll dive back down from the roof, [...] I'll come along the floor and then come right up under Essek's face and just look right up his nose.

[annemarieyeretzian]

glad you had a good time at the live show!! if you feel like sharing, what was the energy from the audience like? did you meet anyone nice or see any cool cosplays?

anon I know I exaggerate on the daily but it was one of the best nights of my whole entire actual life.

the energy from the audience was wonderful!!! I was really surprised tbh bc for as wholesome as I find the cr cast and cr as a concept the fandom is definitely one of if not the most toxic I’ve ever encountered. but everyone was friendly and happy to be there, so many extremely talented people showed up in INCREDIBLE cosplay (I saw some ashtons and dorians and fearnes that blew my damn mind), and we were all reacting and responding to what was happening without being disrespectful or thoughtless – there was lots and lots of cheering and clapping and sympathetic noises when someone rolled badly or said something painful. I sat between a wonderful man named matt from san diego who’d only gotten into cr a couple years ago but knew the greek theater well and gave me all sorts of pointers for how to get around and a sweet couple who chatted and laughed with us about the characters all evening. I’ve really only ever felt that immediate camaraderie and safety at pride events. it was a really special thing and I’m so glad I went!

and also it was just an incredible show. like. top episode of c3. almost everything I hoped for happened. it was a wild ride. character work! combat! terrifying minis! sudden danger! floaty hot boi! awkward situations! new characters! good rolls! bad rolls! brennan lee mulligan was there! christian navarro was sitting two rows in front of me! matt getting a hdywtdt! the crowd singing along to the intro! travis’ comedic timing! robbie in blue blush! all the women being gorgeous! what more could I possibly want!!!

[burr-ell]

@meiloorun-notthefruit replied to your post “yeah, hot take, if you haven't watched the first...”:

Wait if anybody wants to respond to this i have never watched c1 and i am having the time of my life with this week's episode, what is an example of the group actually mad? im curious

​Sorry it took me a minute to respond to this! There's a pretty good writeup of the issue on r/HobbyDrama (though it does have one or two minor errors), but I'll give you the short(er) answer.

So originally, Vox Machina actually had eight members: Percy, Grog, Scanlan, Pike, Vax, Vex, Keyleth, and Tiberius Stormwind, a dragonborn sorcerer played by Orion Acaba, another voice actor who'd done work on video games and anime with the rest of the cast. For a variety of reasons, Orion rather quickly developed a nasty case of Main Character Syndrome, and frequently did things that genuinely angered the cast. A couple notable examples:

When the party fought and defeated K'Varn, a beholder, in 1x11, Orion had Tiberius exit the fight for a plan to rally a group of mindflayers to their cause (which failed), and eventually returned, landed the final killing blow on K'Varn, and generally acted like an ass about it, leading to Marisha demanding to know why he was being so rude and unpleasant.

In Vasselheim in 1x16, in order to escape from a trap, Vex had to fire a nearly-impossible shot and rolled a 35, meaning it was guaranteed to happen and was going to be an incredible moment for her, and Orion had Tiberius insert himself to "help" using Telekinesis. The entire cast yelled at him indiscriminately for it, and while Matt was able to thread the needle live on stream, the atmosphere was generally very tense.

The nadir of them all, 1x27. This one's a twofer:

I don't know if you've watched TLOVM, but the Briarwood arc had just begun at this point, and all the party really knew about the Briarwoods was that at least one of them was a vampire. (I can't remember if they knew Delilah was a human necromancer by this point.) So Tiberius goes on a HUGE shopping trip to buy—among other things—every mirror he can in Emon, and the conclusion most people have drawn, quite reasonably, is that he intended to use them to make a massive light array to just drench Whitestone in sunlight and fry all the vampires. He also tries to write his family in his hometown of Draconia to bring the Draconian army into Whitestone to take care of things for them. Both of those things are frustrating to watch in the moment, but especially so when you realize that they're attempts to essentially speedrun Percy's entire arc and make Tiberius the hero. This and the other things he was doing already took up a ton of solo time, and Travis (known hater of shopping) eventually snapped "how about you get nothing else, and we move on?"

Then, the grandaddy of them all: while the party was discussing what to do and Vex was formulating a plan, Orion announced out of bumfuck nowhere that "Tiberius is getting a half-chub". Every single person at the table was appalled, and you can feel the change in the air if you watch the scene. Travis and Taliesin are both visibly furious; Sam, Marisha, Liam, and Matt are completely taken aback; and Laura looks incredibly uncomfortable. Tiberius had never established this aspect of his character at all the way Scanlan did, and after everything else there was very little patience anyone was going to grant him.

These are just isolated moments; Orion had overall behaved rather unpleasantly on-air and did a lot of metagaming (the reason he left the K'Varn fight was that he knew what beholders were and thought Matt was out to get him), and Matt once explicitly said after Orion left that he used to cheat on his dice rolls. Going from episode 27 to 28 is such a palpable shift in tone and atmosphere, and it's unsurprising that two episodes later they would announce Orion's permanent departure.

So yeah—if you've watched those scenes, you have a much better metric for what the cast's genuine anger is actually like.

[sky-scribbles]

Y’know, I find it really moving how Matt and Travis gave genuine dignity to Bertrand’s death.

It’s an odd thing to say about Bertrand Bell, a throwaway joke character with more bravado than braincells who ended up getting unceremoniously shanked in an alleyway. But I felt that the joke suddenly stopped in a way that reminded everyone - actually, he’s a person, he’s dying, and that’s important.

There’s the way Bertrand stopped being a joke at the moment he drew his rapier. Travis could have chosen to play it for laughs, to have Bertrand try to run and get cut down. One last useless screw-up. But instead Bertrand holds his ground, draws his sword. I think that’s close enough. I have you at a disadvantage. Having bravadoed his way through seventy-plus years, he’s not going to stop now. It’s useless, because he’s old and he’s drunk and he’s been through one fight already today, but he chooses not to run or to go quietly. He makes his stand, because... well, for the same reason he went to find the Windowed Wall in the first place. Sometimes you just have to hold up your head.

And that was the moment when I remembered - yes, this man was an eighteenth-level fighter once. Whatever he might have pretended to do, he really did go through Pandemonium to retrieve Grog’s soul, he really did battle a corrupted Empyrean, he really did fight a horde of bugbears single-handed to get Percy’s arm. Bertrand lived a life, and it wasn’t the life he pretended it was, but he did things, and he could have done more.

Except he couldn’t, because Travis always planned for him to die here, before he could be the hero he pretended to be. Idk, to me that sudden realisation of the fact that he could never have fought with this party, gained back all those fighter levels, bragged about things he’d actually done... that suddenly felt like a goddamn tragedy.

There’s the narrative framing of it, with Matt bookending the scene with Imogen’s dream. At the moment Bertrand dies, Imogen’s dream turns cataclysmic. Like her powers sensed the death of the man who only a few hours ago was making ridiculous attempts at subterfuge with her. Like the universe responded to that loss. And the last thing that a member of the party sees of Bertrand Bell isn’t him drunkenly stumbling into the night, it’s him walking, dignified, into the storm.

And that final ‘Lieve’tel’? Yes, it’s Travis being a troll, twisting the knife and making Liam’s day, but it’s also a reminder: there were people who mattered to Bertrand. Whatever shape his and Lieve’tel’s relationship took after Pandemonium, she meant so much to him that her name was on his lips as he died. He was a person, he had a life, he had at least one person he cared for deeply. And he died, and that matters.

Tl;dr: Matt and Travis played Bertrand’s death in a way that acknowledged that, out of universe, he was always totally disposable... and that in-universe, he was never disposable at all.

[critgoblin]

y’all want some post-ep.14 orym/liam meta? b/c i've got a whole lot of it. 

has anyone else noticed that orym is off the beaten path for liam? not completely out of his wheelhouse (*slaps orym’s tiny forehead* this little halfling can fit SO much trauma in him) but the way orym plays is not what i would’ve anticipated from liam. because liam is a character-driven player. by that, i mean he is one of those d&d players who is mostly in it for the inter-character role-playing. if travis is at one end of the spectrum with characters designed to drive the plot and the party forward, liam is at the other, with characters who would be content to spend an entire campaign in one setting developing relationships with the party and digging deep into the history and lore. 

it makes a lot of sense then, that liam’s previous pcs would serve as emotional catalysts for their campaigns. caleb and vax were reactive characters. they felt things, and those feelings drove them to make rash and impulsive decisions. vax had a habit of thinking only with his heart. he did what his instincts told him was right, and even when he got the literal and metaphorical shit beaten out of him for it, he never wavered in his dedication to his own (dubious) moral compass. caleb reacted on a hair-trigger instinct built out of a life of suffering and trauma. someone with that kind of damage can only ever respond with gut feeling--he made choices in self-defense, in fear, and in vengeance. his motivation was never from a sense of right and wrong, only what he saw needed to be done to keep himself and his teammates safe. 

they caused their respective parties a whole lot of trouble and grief. impulse draws consequence, and the choices they made in those snap decisions caused lasting aftershocks on both their individual character arcs and on the campaign as a whole. they developed complicated and emotionally-charged relationships with every member of their party, and in fact, entered the campaign already deeply entrenched with another pc--a bond that would define much of their character arc and growth. everything vax did usually came back to keeping vex safe--he died for her, he committed to a god he hated for her, he gave up control of his fate and his life and his purpose all for her, for his sister. and caleb... caleb built himself back up on the foundations veth laid for him. everything he became was in the image of what she wanted him to be, what she believed he already was. caleb remade himself into a better man for veth, even when that meant giving up everything he’d sacrificed for, because she knew he could. 

caleb and vax were created to fuck up constantly and to be taught to be better by the people who loved them. they were built so liam could dig deep into emotional turmoil to tell stories about death and grief and rebuilding. they were messy, invested, broken characters who were made whole again by their loved ones, who defined themselves through their connections, and who were made all the better for their mistakes and convictions. 

orym is not like either vax or caleb. orym isn’t a reactive character. he was built to be a support character, to exist on the outskirts of the party and provide protection and defense when asked. where caleb and vax were messy creatures of instinct and gut reaction, and whose active participation in their environment provoked fate and pushed the narrative along, orym is a study in control. you can see it in the way liam holds himself when he’s playing orym--tense. alert. hyper-vigilance disguised as poise and grace. matt summed it up pretty well in episode 14: “orym is doing the thing that he’s been doing for most of the night, which is paying attention.” orym is a soldier, and he is very, very good at it. he knows what his duty is. to watch. to observe. to get involved when there is blood on the line, to take the hits when it is expected of him, and to die at his teammates’ feet. he does not engage actively with the party unless specifically called upon, and he does not reveal personal information about himself ever. he checks in on his teammates, he prioritizes their health and wellbeing, he offers advice and comfort, he speaks softly and takes them seriously. but he does not engage. there is a boundary that he has set up between himself and the rest of the world, and he tends to it carefully. everything stays inside that line where it belongs, and he does not step over it. 

the truth is, we don’t know what happened in zephra. we have theories based off a tweet from almost five years ago, but we don’t know anything for sure because orym hasn’t told us. hasn’t told anyone. he hasn’t breathed a word about the attack other than to explain exactly what happened when prompted. clinical. rehearsed. a soldier reading a report, he says almost the exact same thing every single time. this is a pretty far cry from vax, who told his sister - and therefore, the audience - everything, and caleb, who revealed pretty early on that he had murdered his family and even earlier revealed that he was a tortured soul convinced of his own damnation. liam is not playing orym as a character seeking connection and rebirth, he is not playing a character intending to invest himself in other people. yes, it’s still early on in the campaign, but the other pcs have come pretty clean about their pasts. the details might be vague (looking at fcg/sam here) but we’ve got at least the scope of everyone’s backstories. we don’t know anything about orym except that his home was attacked six years ago, and that there is something deep and painful lurking inside of him. i have so many questions about his past, about what he’s been doing for the six years since the attack, about what happened to him, but i don’t see any end in sight to this purposeful obfuscation. because it’s not a matter of trust, or respect, or friendship. orym does trust his team. he likes them, and he’s certainly willing to die for them. and if he’s not waiting for trust, then i don’t know what else he’d be waiting for, unless he isn’t waiting for anything and he’s planning on walking right into his own grave with all of himself still wrapped up inside. 

the one exception to that rule, i think, might have been dorian. dorian was different. i don’t know if we’ll ever know why, but orym was different around dorian. not because he opened up to him, but because it seemed like he wanted to. like there were all these things that he was inches from blurting out. there was an element of engagement orym took with dorian that he hasn’t taken with anyone else. it was still filtered through that barrier of his, but between the flower and the sending stone and that goodbye - for the company -  it’s the most of orym we’ve ever gotten. little pieces of what orym might look like if he did talk about himself. if he did reach out. if he wasn’t such a good soldier. if he wasn’t so obviously soaked in grief and guilt and duty, if he wasn’t so fixed on whatever it is his goal is--vengeance, maybe? justice? death? 

i am heartbroken over losing dorian and losing robbie, and i am afraid of where it has left orym. our little murder halfling, with so much contained violence strung up inside of him. who is really just a walking, talking tragedy, so intent on going to his own destruction utterly alone. there was so much potential between them for something real and meaningful. for maybe the first real connection orym has had in six years. and orym wanted it, you can tell orym wanted it so badly. he was distraught over dorian’s departure, the heartbreak was all over his face. and now that dorian is gone, the one connection orym’s tried to foster in six years, what happens? we don’t know what’s waiting at the end of the road for orym, but it’s probably not a warm hearth. probably not connection. probably not a family. it probably looks a whole lot like an empty grave. like a waiting stillness. like a promise of an end to the agony he carries around like a live grenade in his chest. and why would orym bother, then? why would he build something new? why would he nurse a connection to life, if all he’s banking on is oblivion? 

the thing is, we don’t know anything about orym. but we do know liam. we know his themes, and we know the kind of characters he plays. and maybe orym isn’t like vax or caleb because he doesn’t reach out for connection and purpose. but they’re alike enough, and liam doesn’t do anything by accident. 

will the halfling live? or will the halfling die?

[peach-the-owl]

How about Crit role cast with child reader where they do a special one-shot the child’s wanted to do for the child’s birthday.

Have I always wanted to do something like this? Well yeah, who hasn’t. Did I end up projecting a little because my own birthday wasn't that long ago? No… m-maybe…

Enjoy everyone! 😁

The Birthday Heist

Crit Role Cast & Child!Reader

“Someone’s excited.” Marisha comments on your beaming face as you enter the studio with her. You look up at her, practically buzzing with excitement.

“I am! I can’t wait to finally play with you guys.” You cheer, trying not to rush too far ahead of her so you don’t end up getting lost. She laughs happily at your excitement as you both weave around until you make it to that iconic table. It always takes you a second to remember that what you see on the livestream isn’t everything shown from behind the scenes with all the microphones, cameras and crew about trying to set up for tonight.

“And we’re excited for you to join us too.” Matt says giving you a couple pats on the shoulder before joining in getting everything setup.

“I heard it was someone’s birthday today!” You hear, looking over at Travis, Laura not too far behind. You’re quick to jump into his opened arms, accepting the bear hug from him.

“Hey, you’re squishing me!” You pout playfully after a bit, this just makes him hold on slightly tighter.

“Good.” He responds just as playfully before finally letting you go. Once you’re placed down you go and give a hug to Laura who’s defiantly squishing you a lot tighter then Travis did, but it doesn’t last as long and your both giggling once she releases you. Soon enough you Sam enter the studio, he makes eye contact with you before pretending not to see you as he places a hand over his eyes in order to “search” for you. You giggle at his antics but play along copying his actions until you both make eye contact again in which he then dramatically points at you and hurries over.

“Ah ha! I hath found the birthday kid!” He declares like it’s some great achievement. He then proceeds to ruffle your hair and give you a much lighter hug compared to Travis’. He then proceeds to go get some things ready at the table while you go over to greet Ashley.

“Hey kiddo, ready to be apart of the action?” Ashley asks once you approach her.

“You bet I am!” You say, placing your hands on your hips triumphantly.

“Awesome! You’re going to do great, I know it.” She encourages with a sweet smile, you give her a determined nod and finally go to take a seat at the table…

You bounced eagerly in your seat as you waited for everyone to finish setting up before going live. Honestly you were still a little surprised they all agreed to do this one-shot with you, Liam seemed to be the most eager to agree but to be fair that man will jump at any and every opportunity to play DnD.

“You have everything ready?” Speak of the devil and they shall appear, Liam takes a seat next to, he agreed to help you figure out the rules of the game. It’s not like you hadn’t played before but sometimes you’d forget when or what to role for certain actions.

“I think so, but I still need to ask Laura if I can use some of her dice since I don’t have my own yet.” You beam. Joining you on the other side was Taliesin which you were very happy about, I mean who better to also help you then the all knowing eldrich being himself.

“You’re telling me you asked for this one-shot, had a character in mind and everything, but you don’t have your own set of dice?” He looks at you with a mock surprise expression.

“I really wanted to play a game, forgot about what I need to play.” You mumble sheepishly.

“Hey, it’s all fine. I was just messing with you, this is going to be a lot of fun, you’ll see.” He smiles at you and ruffles your hair, making you giggle in response.

“If it’s all fine, then are you’re saying I got these for (y/n) for nothing?” Taliesin jokes holding a small container of (f/c) dice (idk, you can imagine it as your favourite set or your luckiest set of dice, doesn’t matter to me). If it were possible your eyes sparkle as you take the gift from him and look it over carefully.

“This is really for me?” You gawk.

“Of course it’s your birthday, the one day you can get away with being spoiled.” You give him a hug alongside a thank you, he happily returns the hug with you.

“You know those dice will be extra lucky too, since they’ve been blessed by the man himself.” Matt jumps in having overheard the three of you talking, Taliesin brushing him off playfully but still giving a proud smile. The others take their respective seats at the table as the crew finish setting up and are about to go live, Matt readying himself for the intro.

“Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy voice actors sit around and play dungeons and dragons…”

“WE PLAY DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS!!!” You all happily shout, the game hadn’t even started yet and you were already enjoying yourself.

“Today we’re stepping away from our main campaign as we embark on a special one-off adventure for the youngest member of our cast here with us today. If you’d like to say hi to everyone.” Matt says gesturing towards you, letting you take a moment to smile brightly at the camera and wave to the live audience.

“Hi guys, I’m super excited to finally get to play! Thanks again for doing this for me.” You say looking around at everyone.

“Aww, we’re really happy to have you here with us.” Laura coos back. After a couple more shenanigans with the group involving sponsors it was time to start your very first adventure on Critical Role…

The premise to the whole adventure was, as the title suggested (yes the title of this story is what they’d call the one-shot), a heist revolving around your birthday just with your character in place of yourself and with that wonderful fantasy aspect DnD provides. All characters were set to level 5 given the simplicity to the adventure, not that it felt that simple to you, getting help whenever you’d need it for different stat rolls. A very small part of you felt just a little out of place, yes this is what you had asked for and while you did get to share plenty of laughs with everyone you also didn’t feel like you matched their level of skill. Thankfully everyone was quick to catch on and reassure you that you were doing great and that it was okay if you weren’t exactly perfect, after all you haven’t been as long as they all have and so long as you were having fun that was what really mattered to them.

After hours of playing, with a nice break in between to catch your breaths, it was time for the final climactic fight of your little adventure. With the few smaller encounters earlier you were already decent enough to handle some of the combat on your own, although there were still some things you had to ask about. You were ready to face down your foe, a nasty mutant werebear who decided to play party crasher, your Draconic Bloodline sorcerer (yes, I’m basic) still plenty prepared to throw everything they have at it. The fight feels intense, at least to you, as you all work together to chip away at the bosses health. It was your turn and Matt had already described the beast looking pretty rough which you knew meant it was close to being defeated, you take a breath and grab your new dice to use for this attack, taking a breath you roll for the hit.

“No way!” You hear Liam say astonishment, you look at him then Taliesin who’s smiling like an idiot, looking down at your dice stunned. “Tell them, tell them, tell them.” Liam urges astonishment replaced with a large, goofy smile that you mimic as you look up at Matt.

“NAT 20 BABY!” You shout and the table goes nuts over it. Matt having to take a second to compose himself.

“That is a definite hit. Go and roll for damage.” And you do just that, getting to hear the phrase that always erupts the table in chaotic joy. “Okay (y/n)… How do you want to do this?” Now they may not tell you this but the game was slightly rigged so you’d get the last hit no matter what, the fact you landed a natural 20 was honestly just the cherry on top.

“I want to raise my arms and call on the power of my blue dragon grandparent, or whatever they’re called, and summon a bolt of lightning to strike at the evil bear man.” You describe as best as possible. Matt nods and looks back over the table as he begins to describe what happens.

“As you raise your arms to the sky, you can feel the ancestral bloodline flow through you like a current of electricity, sparks bzzz bzzz start to flare off your fingertips with the energy collecting with yourself. You focus on this power, drawing yourself closer to it, taking aim as the lightning launches from your hands it’s as if you hear the distant roar of a dragon through it, striking at the werebear, singeing the fur as they howl in pain. RRRAAAHHRR! All goes silent and when the smoke clears you see the charred remains, small sparks emanating off of the once mutated creature.” You listen in awe at his description, loving the little sound effects he always added. Everyone lets out a cheer at the victory and once you’ve happily wrapped up the rest of the adventure and finish the livestream everyone heads over to where they usual host Talk Machina, but instead they had a small set up waiting for you, cake and a couple presents waiting to be opened.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY (Y/N)!!” Everyone cheers. Today was the best birthday of your life, hands down.

[nochiquinn]

campaign 1 episode 26 REDUX: Consequences and Cows OR pls imagine a cow with percy’s glasses and realize what we were robbed of

whatever music is over the start of this episode is drowning matt out entirely

liam.

never realized how much matt actually says "make your way" until I expect the meme after and it doesn't happen

"if there's a gun on the doorknob don't go in"

absolutely wild to hear vex talking about/being okay with percy potentially banging lillith. or anyone.

oh no matt's lillith is just marion

percy's room: [full of half-finished blueprints] me, nodding sagely: ah yes. iron man 3.

I didn't say anything last time bc I thought it was just a Me Problem, but orion really does try to drag the focus back to him as soon as he gets an opening, doesn't he

"maybe his soul IS forfeit" "to what?" yeah about that

love watching matt now that I know he knows the things he's talking about

hate seeing chat talk about keyleth

"you're so much better at the words than me"

I also remember being mildly annoyed at liam over the "lOoK iNtO mY mInD"

"[the briarwoods have] gone through nothing but the proper channels" well yeah that's how they get away with it

laura with the high bun and the dangly earrings is really pretty

matt trying desperately to impart that there are Consquences To Their Actions

oh no. oh no is this the mirrors.

do I skip the mirrors or do I watch travis' soul die in real time

"we come to you with a sidequest while the main character of the current plot has con crud"

RIP Mr. Simms

the old man is sloooowly becoming more texas as time goes on

this predates mccree, too, doesn't it

"hide your bull hide your wife" l i a m

"I'm alright." suddenly remembers that I'm Not Okay was on taliesin's playlist for percy. with the caption "oh, keyleth"

"I'm just pointing it out!" relax, she's just putting it out there

imagine if percy had been here for this conversation

"we've stood before them and we did not fall" barely

oh no he mentioned mashed potatoes and bread rolls and now that's all I want. dammit.

jarett!!

"I make an army of bears"

this is not the mirrors, this is drunk tiberius, which is almost worse. at least the mirrors was just holding everybody else up, not fucking up everybody else talking

"are you just biased now that you know orion is the human personification of wet garbage" no actually this annoyed me the first time, I just didn't say anything bc I was terrified of fandom backlash

"is it just all the crosstalk" he is in general very bad at having an inside voice while other people are talking, but now he's just interrupting other people to rp drunkenness (the overlapping voices is also giving me a sensory hell moment tho)

thank you for coming to my FAQ

I'm choosing to believe that leaving trinket with percy was a subconscious perc'halia moment

"we're all cows, embrace it"

sam: it's cow-moo-flague matt, in the most resigned voice: I have to give you experience for that >:(

"my cow is going stealth"

"I go into a cow rage"

dimension door, location: birb

GET UP ON THE HYDRA'S BACK

"SCANLAN?? what the SHIT???"

"it's the amblin logo, except we're cows"

"I. Love. Dungeons and Dragons."

I know this has nothing to do with the actual briarwoods arc and is a side thing bc taliesin's sick but god I hope it gets animated

"you never need to worry about me, haven't you guys learned that by now? I'm fine." cries in episode 85

"for thematic reasons I also turn it into a cow"

"can we stealth in?" "...I'm a pterodactyl"

"air is not your favored terrain"

liam: "I'm not used to being flying" me: it's okay, it'll come

"I whack him in the back of the head" vax'ildan

birb no mean bite, birb got big mouf

man these guys trying to diplomacy is a 180 from mighty nein

end on a beard check

pls imagine a cow w/grog's beard

I gave you my hand please respond

"fighting for-moo-tion"

"take back the exprience you gave him earlier"

[cameoamalthea]

I think it's interesting how many people were wanting Jester to leave Artagan and go with the Moonweaver (who is awesome btw). I can't properly convey how relieved I am that didn't happen and that their already strong bond was made stronger and they both grew from it. Because that is how good relationships work and people are capable of changing for the better. Finding new faith worked for Fjord, but I don't believe it would have worked for Jester the same way. What they have can't be replaced.

If Artagan was forcibly taken from Jester it would have been traumatizing for Jester. 

What the Mighty Nein, and perhaps a portion of the fandom, don’t understand is that Jester is a depressed lonely person who hides it. She puts on a mask of always happy and fine, it’s ok. She’s not ok and they don’t see it. Jester is also afraid of being alone, which plays into her fear of being disliked and abandoned. 

Whether or not anyone else likes Artagan, Jester LOVES him and she has some serious attachment issues so just ripping him away from her would be super harmful.

There’s a scene in C2E19 where the party sees a shack and wants to investigate it. Jester suggests turning Frumpkin into a bird to go check it out since it’s like a mile away. Caleb does not like the idea, but then playfully says for you Fjord I will do it. Jester responds by being dramatic and pouting about him shooting her down but being willing to do it for Fjord. 

LAURA: Can Frumpkin be a bird? 

LIAM: (reluctantly) Yeah. 

TALIESIN: For a bit. 

TRAVIS: I want to check out the shack. 

LIAM: All right. For you, Fjord, I will make Frumpkin a bird. 

LAURA: Not for me, though. Caleb hates me.

SAM: We could just walk over there. It's a hassle to turn him into a bird. 

TRAVIS: Yeah. Keep your cat. 

LIAM: You are more sensitive than I would have imagined. 

LAURA: I want people to like me.

Caleb is extremely observant and although this is a light, playful scene, says something that cuts really close. “You are more sensitive than I would have imagined.” She’s being over the top and dramatic, he criticizes her, and since what she was joking about what is actually some real insecurity she kind of deflates, her voice gets real small and she says “I want people to like me.” 

It’s a blink and you’ll miss it moment made harder to catch by the fact everyone is talking at once and Laura is eating pizza (role-playing with your mouth full - this is not to shame her for eating, she is entitled to that pizza, but it might make it harder to pick up on the moment). However, I think this touches upon something important. 

Jester is in fact extremely insecure about being liked, and you see this with her relationship with the Traveler. Worrying that he might not like her now that she has other friends at first, and constantly needing reassurance that she’s the most important. 

There’s a brilliant thread on reddit that sums up Jester’s character as follows:

“She's a people-pleaser because she's afraid to lose people. She grew up with the only 'low resource' being people - caring, loving, laughing people. She had her mother, who definitely loves her, but that was it. Most children have scores of people, and other children! to play with. Jester didn't.

And she's afraid to lose that, at any cost. Even realizing she was manipulated, keeping Artagen is more important than standing up for herself or showing her disappointment, because she can't lose him.

Onto - Artagen. What we know:

He's openly admitted to being manipulative and selfish

More importantly: he's openly admitted to never wanting to be bored and never wanting to 'get into emotions'

This REALLY matters. Why?

Because Jester is afraid of losing everyone so she can't be what those people don't want.

Jester can't be upset in front of Artagen because he might get bored with all of her emotions and leave.

It's crazy important for her to be his favorite because, as she is helping him leave all of his followers (her biggest fear) he keeps saying he won't leave her.”

Jester has pretty serious abandonment issues. Children need the attention and support of a caregiver. RedditTotalWar made a great point on that reddit thread: “A significant withdrawal of attention is often enough to cause a child to develop abandonment issues. Children don't have the capacity to realize that some things aren't about them since they are the centers of their own universe.” So the fact Jester’s mother, who clearly loves her and is a good person, did not always have time for her and required Jester to keep her existence secret is damaging. 

Note, this is not to suggest that Marrion is a bad person or was intentionally abusive. You don’t have to be a monster to hurt a child. Disney example: In Tangled, Mother Gothel isolated Rapunzel and was an abuser who just wanted to use her. In Frozen, Anna’s Mother and Father isolated Anna out of a desire to do what they thought was best for their other daughter Elsa and to protect Anna from what they saw as the threat posed by Elsa’s magic. Anna’s parents were not intentionally abusive and loved their children, but Anna was still neglected and isolated and harmed by their actions.

To Jester, the message she got growing up was ‘Momma loves me, but she’s busy and I can’t get in the way and no one can know I exist’ which could easily be taken as ‘Momma loves me, but I’m not the most important thing to her’ or even ‘Momma loves me, but my existence makes her life harder, so maybe I’m not completely lovable since I’m a problem’. 

And while you may think, if she was that worried why would she act out and play pranks and cause trouble, the fact is that children who are insecure about being loved may self-sabotage with caregivers. You see a high rate of disruption in foster children right before adoption because the child starts exhibiting behaviors. Perhaps faced with the fear of, maybe my parental won’t love me if I cause trouble, it feels safer just deliberately causing trouble because then at least you’re the one in control rather than walking on eggshells terrified that messing up could mean abandonment. 

The fact that Jester’s prank on Lord Sharp resulted in her having to leave the only home she’s ever known and never come back under threat of death and that her Mother could not (or in her mind, would not?) protect her may have made her abandonment issues a lot worse. 

Jester is terrified of being left alone, of being abandoned. Taking away the one person who has been a constant in her life and who she has felt safe with all at once would not be good. As Laura said on her playlist “he’s always been the one person she could show her insecurities to” and losing that stable, trusted person would hurt. 

 I don’t think her relationship with Artagan is entirely healthy (it’s not healthy for a child to grow up with only one other friend and her attachment to him extreme and also he’s a selfish, manipulative Archfey - I don’t think Artagan thinks this relationship is entirely healthy). However, I do not think it would have been better for her to have him ripped away like that. Especially given the fact that the whole Moonweaver thing was her idea and she would likely blame herself for what happened. 

How devastating would that be for someone with Jester’s level of insecurity? 

The Mighty Nein, and again a portion of the fandom, may have preferred it if Jester broke up with Artagan and moved on or found a new god. Fjord’s relationship with Uk’otoa (Uk’atoa) was toxic and abusive, so the Mighty Nein are very wary of that sort of relationship. Fjord if projecting and thinks that any relationship with a powerful being that isn’t a god is dangerous. 

The truth is Jester’s relationship with Artagan isn’t really like one of cleric and god. It’s more like a personal relationship where he happens to give her divine powers.

LAURA: I take a bite of my caramel apple, and I go walking down.

MATT: You hear a crunch sound and your handshakes for a second and you look down and a mysterious secondary bite was taken out of the apple.

LAURA: (gasp) I lick the spot.

(groaning)

SAM: You're making out with your god? Gross.

MATT: They have a special relationship.

A special relationship indeed, Matt. It’s intimate, she talks to him about her crushes and asks him for advice on boys then casually confesses love to him.

LAURA: You're not jealous, are you?

MATT: "No."

LAURA: You'll always be my number one love.

MATT: "I know.”

Fjord is an orphan who was looking for parental figures. Vandren was a mentor and father figure, and it was through Vandren that Fjord gained his connection to Uk’otoa. The Wild Mother felt Motherly to Fjord and in Talks Travis said that when Matt first described the feeling his thoughts were on like have I found my Mother somehow. To Fjord religion is a divine parent, an authority figure who provides guidance and direction, and in the case of the Wild Mother love and support for him. 

Jester has never seen the Traveler as a ‘dad figure’. He’s just her best friend and based on her behavior towards him and jealousy towards his other followers, and the number of love songs on Laura’s playlist, I’m pretty convinced that Jester is IN LOVE with him. 

(I don’t know if that feeling is required. Given they grew up together with him in the form of another child and the fact Artagan is actually ancient, I think he sees her more like a little sister. This might be why he was so confused when she grabbed his face and leaned in like she was about to kiss him despite the fact that like she’s flat out told him that he’s her number one love and requires constant reassurance that she’s his favorite and acts like a schoolgirl with a very obvious crush)

And again, all of this may not be healthy or ideal for Jester. She might get hurt. However, I think in order to grow the relationship has to run it’s course no matter what happens. Artagan not only acted completely selflessly by kicking her off of him rather than face the possibility that she’d have to choose between him and or friends or be banished with him but like - he apologized to her. 

An actual, real, non-manipulative apology. He admitted he was manipulative and he’s sorry and when she tries to play it off as it’s fine, he says he doesn’t want to defend himself. He’s sorry.

That’s growth.

[finnskeeper]

Critical Role - Campaign 1 (Thoughts Machina): Episodes 11-21

HOO BOY

These episodes have been intense af. As usual, here are the moments I jotted down over the course of the these episodes (SPOILERS AHOY):

Taliesin writing little notes on the blackboard behind him for Laura to remember = excellent

Tiberius just called a beholder a "major butthole” 10/10

BABY FACE TRAVIS

Giant drinks Grog's ale, Travis rolls a Nat 20 on the responding headbutt. FUCK HIM UP SON

First Marisha perch!

Vex: "Do you have anything to make Grog smarter?" Grog: "Well, fuck off!"

GILMORE! Man, Matt really did find his niche in quirky magical shopkeeps, didn't he? 

Tactical yeeting (I have no idea what this is referencing but I love the mental image so it stays)

Did Scanlan just shit in a church? (Yes...yes he did)

NEVER SPLIT THE PARTY - Oh, Liam and Laura are pissed. Matt you’re evil and I love you. (See later notes)

Oh god, Felicia Day is so precious. Laura's constant delight at everything Felicia Day says is just fantastic

WILDMOTHER IN THE HOUSE

LOL, you can see the moment Travis realizes that warlocks are amazing

That's 3 nat 20's for Taliesin in 2 rounds

The Very Next Day: WHAT IS THIS SORCERY TALIESIN??

Percy being inspired by explosions to no longer be frightened of a fucking dragon is such an ICONIC MOVE and I love him

"Sorry! I'm a genius. Sorry! God, I'm clever." ROFL

BurtReynoldsOMG

Grog bobsledding Scanlan away from the dragon. #BestFriends

LOL @ Laura's Nat 20 for finding dragon bling. Very on brand.

One use fuck you dragon arrow ftw

Vax’s general attitude during this entire thing is glorious. Worried bro is worried.

Keyleth: "And what were they contracted with?" Murtin: "Oh nothing. They're going to kill a dragon." WORRIED BRO IS WORRIED

Keyleth: "The quarry: one Rakshasa" LIAM'S FACE AGAIN ROFL

The Wheaton curse lives!

Tiberius: "I believe the dwarf is the rakshasa!" Vax (about Keyleth): "You left her with him?!" *immediately gives chase*

Was that a little prophetic German swear from Liam?

ACID PIT #LongLiveAoefel

RIP FLYING CARPET (the devastated shriek from the others in the other room had me ROLLING)

If Matt doesn’t hate Counterspell right now, he will soon

Now Vax has to wait 2 days to see if his sister survived. oof

Character Rankings (As of Episode 21):

1) Vax (daggerdaggerdagger! I gotta be honest, he’s hanging on by a thread here. And that is painful to say. I love you Liam.)

2) Percy (Come on, darling. Just. Such. A. Badass.)

3) Vex (Her determination to haggle with absolutely everyone is both admirable and terrifying, and she’s finally starting to use Trinket more)

4) Grog (His loss in the Crucible notwithstanding, I still love him. #Justice4Phillip)

5) Pike (The latest Narrative Telephone may or may not have impacted these rankings.)

6) Keyleth (I hate having her so low because she has been SO amazing. And Minxie is adorable. But this ranking thing is definitely getting harder)

7) Scanlan (He is definitely getting better and Sam’s ideas are fantastic).

8) Tiberius (He’s had some pretty decent plans thus far, but I do not like the way he talks over everyone.)

[done-dm]

Talks Machina Summary, Episode 72

Announcements: Taliesin's Call of Cthulu one shot is available now for Twitch subscribers and will be on YouTube tomorrow.

The third season of Between the Sheets is going to air every month starting on August 5th.

Chris (the sound guy for Critical Role, Talks Machina, etc) is getting engaged after a nine year long relationship. Wish him the best!

Cad has cast commune three times.

Fjord has delt 48 damage to himself, 28 of which happened in this episode.

The last spell Fjord cast using his powers was minor illusion to show Jester an image of Vandran.

The last time Fjord cast scorching ray was episode 10.

Fjord's conversation with Jester and his check in with Vandran pushed him to take action. Originally, he hadn't planned to do anything quite that dramatic.

Taliesin is happy with the direction Cad is taking the group in.

Taliesin is quite pleased that Cad's information was so accurate. He tried not to build up expectations too much beforehand so he would be okay with whatever, but after losing a lot of lore with Molly's death, it was nice to see Cad's lore come to fruition.

Fjord was bluffing with the sword. He wouldn't have actually sacrificed himself to free himself of Uka'toa's control. After he realized that threatening himself wouldn't work, he held the sword hostage.

Because Uka'toa chose him, Fjord assumed he was special in some way and that Uka'toa needed him. When Uka'toa showed this was not the case, Fjord decided that (because he was shown so much support) he didn't need Uka'toa and would rather have nothing than this.

Cad was really hoping his family was going to be with the Dust family. He was disappointed, and this is the longest he's ever been away from his family.

The past few sessions had been quiet, and the proximity to the temple as well as the situation frustrated Fjord/Travis. Fjord felt that there was no point in lying anymore since he was already trusting this group with his life, so why not his past? The group is getting into world altering stuff and it was time for a change.

Cad is coping with not being around his family because everyone else around him is a mess, so that's a nice distraction. Cad thinks there is no other way to get back to normality than to keep pushing forward. For him, everything returning to normal would be his reward for this quest.

Taliesin was impressed with Travis/Fjord for destroying the pact weapon. Fjord tends to play it safe, but when Matt mentioned the calmness coming over him he decided to commit. According to Taliesin, Percy would have been like "No! You're going to need that later!"

Travis isn't sure why Fjord decided to wake Cad instead of Jester. He wasn't sure if Uka'toa would change his mind. When it became clear Uka'toa wouldn't, he needed Cad to reaffirm that connection to the only deity that has shown interest in him so far. He apologized to Caleb because Caleb figured it out and he didn't have to guts to admit it, and he apologized to Jester for making that decision outright on his own after they discussed it.

"A year ago you were shagging a pirate, now here we are." - Taliesin Jaffe

Cad is stoked about potentially gaining another follower for the Wild Mother. Fjord sees Cad as a guiding hand and is excited to not be expected to be a leader in this particular pursuit. However, there's no guarantee that the Wild Mother will continue to show an interest in Fjord now that he severed his connection with Uka'toa on his own.

Travis thinks Molly would be happy with Fjord throwing away the sword because it was corrupted in a way he wouldn't want.

Taliesin said Molly wouldn't really care about the sword. He wasn't much for mementos.

Cad thought the accent drop wasn't important considering he was watching someone hit rock bottom. Cad did not know the accent was fake, but he knew Fjord was hiding something and it would come pouring out eventually.

Fjord dropped the accent when he wasn't thinking, when he thought he was alone, or in moments of intensity. Most of the time, it wasn't intentional.

Dani puts jokes in the cast's call sheet.

Taliesin really wanted to go to Whitestone. Taliesin has become the authority on Whitestone for whenever his friends have a question about where they would find things in the city.

Fjord was trying to humbly express to the group that he might not be able to do as much for the group. The fact that the group instantly responded by handing over their items instead of pretending he would be just as useful without his powers was what struck him.

Cad was getting irritated by the fact that the group was trying to logic out an act of faith. You can't game the system. You can't fudge your way through divine intervention, so he threw the residum power in to end the discussion.

Travis attempts to understand the meaning of "yeet."

Travis can't reveal too much about Fjord's posh accent yet, but he did say that the Texan accent was a last-minute character choice.

Cad is recharging being surrounded by other worshippers of the Wild Mother. Saying goodbye to the Kiln might be difficult.

Travis has no idea what will happen with Fjord's class levels. Whatever he chooses will require Fjord to change in some way, and there is no guarantee any of it will work.

Cad is determined to get Fjord a magic sword.

Episode 73 is this FRIDAY at 5:00 PM Pacific time.

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E45 (Dec. 18, 2018)

Evening, all! @eponymous-rose​ is off tonight with such silly things like family and events and real life obligations, so I’m here to make bad jokes and have opinions instead.

For those who hadn’t heard, Brian & Ashley are engaged as of this week! Brian is taking both her last and first name to be ultra-progressive. Tonight’s guests: Sam Riegel & Matt Mercer. Matt is here willingly. Sam is not. We’re discussing Episode 45: The Stowaway, sponsored by LootCrate. Brian asks Sam for an impromptu song ad; he rhymes moot and loot and jigs and everyone is a little closer to death than they were a few moments prior.

Tonight’s announcements: Pub Draw & Name Drop are two new shows on the Critical Role channel--check out critrole.com for more details.

This Thursday’s episode is the last of 2018; Critical Role then returns on January 10.

Liam’s oneshot, The Night Before Critmas, airs at 7pm Pacific this Friday night. He’s been planning it for two years, and the VOD will be available December 23.

Talks Machina is also breaking for the holidays and will return on January 8, where they’ll have a cast-wide discussion on the state of the campaign so far. The questions open on Reddit, Twitter, and email on January 4th.

CR Stats: Nott has the most kills of the group with 37. The 45th HDYWTDT occurred in episode 45 as well. Twiggy’s dragon kill was the fifth guest kill of the campaign, and the 2nd guest HDYWTDT. In campaign one, guests got 22 kills and four HDYWTDTs. This was the longest episode of campaign two and the fourth longest of the series.

Matt and Deborah had met extensively to discuss backstory and mechanics, but hadn’t discussed much personality. The only person who wanted to check voice/accent was Khary (with Shakaste).

Deborah was one of the first guests they reached out to when they started streaming all that time ago, but she initially said no because D&D was such a personal thing for her and she didn’t want to share it with the internet. Everyone agrees she was worth the wait.

Everyone’s furious about Daredevil’s cancellation. :(

Sam thought it was fun to play alongside another Arcane Trickster because... “she was very good at it, all that great stuff that I forget to do.” Nott was jealous that many of the things that made her unique were present in Twiggy. However, the jealousy was later reversed because of how excellent Twiggy was in the fight.

The Happy Fun Ball was a narrative device Matt had been planning for a long time--he liked the idea of a pocket dungeon with lore attached. When they realized Deborah’s schedule would put her on a boat in the middle of nowhere, he found a perfect opportunity to bring it in.

Sam asks if Matt intended the device to be a one-use single episode thing, or something recurring, something for the party to further explore at their will. Matt explains very circuitously (and hilariously) that certain DMs may have in the planning of the introduction of the Happy Fun Ball originally intended for such Happy Fun Balls to leave with the guest, and were very surprised when said Happy Fun Ball (and all its hundreds of extraplanar rooms to explore) was left behind with the party instead. He then basically dares Sam to press a button and see what happens.

Nott doesn’t resent Fjord for touching the window or setting a time limit on the library exploration. While it was cool in the library, there were too many things attacking them.

Matt doesn’t necessarily intend his traps for Travis, but he likes having good buttons and bad buttons. “I just want shit to happen. Surprise me!” He admires the player that occasionally gets bold, rather than the one who always sends their minions out to touch all the tiles and trigger all the traps before they ever set foot in the dungeon. He also enjoys the meticulousness of Liam being at the same table as Travis’s impulsiveness.

Sam does not want the fans to send him larger flasks. His current flask holds 128 oz, which is exactly a gallon.

GIF of the Week: @criticalschluck with a hilarious movie-trailer-style GIF of Travis explaining he’s got an intelligence of 6 (Grog), then an intelligence of 14 (Fjord), then pushing buttons and experiencing... consequences.

Nott approves of Caleb’s choice to abandon the books to go back to the party. While she wants as much knowledge in his head as possible, it’s because “a smarter Caleb is a more powerful Caleb, and hopefully a Caleb that can stay alive a little longer.” Matt likes watching characters be put in situations where they have to choose between long-reaching character goals and the people they have chosen as their family. He was fascinated to see the struggle as he was ticking down the time on his sheet. He’s very excited to see what’s going to happen this Thursday.

Brian and Matt both fanboy over Sam’s 1hp decision.

Sam reflects on Jester’s being left behind--”not in a malicious way, you know, but sometimes in a big family someone gets left behind at a mall!”

Matt circuitously explains that the stained-glass window could be used to access other places. This man’s being slipperier than soap suds on wet tile tonight.

Nott was aware that the hit she took for Jester could have been a killing blow, but she was ready--”it was what goes through her head around Caleb a lot: ‘I’ve got to protect my friends.’” She’s very protective and very maternal, and Sam would have been okay if that had been the last of Nott.

Both Sam and Liam (and others) have begun to experience the in- and out-of-game changes that come with finally beginning to really know these characters. They certainly wouldn’t have died for each other at the beginning of the game, even knowing how hard their friends worked on these characters. It was originally a “system shock” (as Matt puts it) which required check-ins after certain blow-ups at the beginning of the campaign to make sure they (the players) were all okay. Now, though, they’re closer and closer to being willing to die for each other for both in-game and meta reasons.

Sam reflects on how both Caleb and Nott hate themselves, but manifest that very differently in how they treat other people. Caleb withdraws and puts up thick walls; Nott is quick to trust and care about everyone.

Nott is least close to Yasha at the moment. She’s still a li’l scared of her.

Matt had a few battle options planned out regarding which parts of which chamber were futzed with. The black tapestry was the one curtain they didn’t mess with that would have led to a “very rough encounter.” Matt had six maps built off-stage, just in case.

Sam’s backup character is a handsome actor named Sam Seagull.

Brian is annoyed that every encounter starts with the chat screaming “TPK.” Matt: “I hope not. That’d be my fault if that happened.”

While the dragon was very powerful, Matt had expectations that the party would understand very quickly that the fight didn’t necessarily have to end with the dragon’s death--he wanted them to understand the challenge was the exit, not the dragon. However, they came in in a different order than he’d anticipated, including party staggering, and that was when he started to get nervous.

Whatever magic had first triggered the first crystal would have been the same magic required to open the second door. It was proximity-based.

Fanart of the Week: @tehsasquatch, with this super-cool portrait of Nott.

On whether Nott feels as if she’s earned her comma: sometimes, especially in encounters like these, Nott feels just for a moment that she can be brave, she can be useful, she can be heroic--and then the moment it’s over the world comes crashing back down. When she’s out of those moments, she feels that she’s still just a goblin.

Is Sam ready for Nott to get the spotlight Fjord’s currently in?

Sam: No. Matt: [very intense face]. There’s a lot of backstory elements that he and Matt know that no one else is aware of, and he’s nervous about those coming to light.

The Traveler’s appearance was complete improv. Matt was reading the situation and the emotions and looking for ways to facilitate a heroic story, and when the dice worked in her favor, he felt it would be a wonderful, dramatic story beat to suddenly include--especially since the Traveler hadn’t responded much recently. Matt: “Yeah, that was really cool.”

The Traveler/Jester relationship has evolved in ways Matt both did and did not expect. He wasn’t sure how seriously Jester was going to take it. It’s the difference between believing in something and allowing that thing to define you as a person. He loves it. Sam: “The Traveler...is Taryon, right?”

Nott doesn’t see Caleb as abandoning her at all. “He’s a weak, puny man who needs to get himself out of danger.” It would have actually been harder if Caleb had been there, because if Nott had had to make a choice as to who to protect, Jester would be dead.

After Beau’s emergence from the orb, she probably for a few minutes would have thought that they were all dead behind her. It wasn’t that hours or days had passed--just a few minutes. Matt found Beau’s and Caduceus’s conversation at the end very fascinating and compelling, especially as a way to end the episode.

Nott agrees that Jester is not as happy and fine as she appears to be, especially after their talk about boys, but doesn’t feel it’s as severe as Caleb’s issues. “Jester’s a functional person.” However, Sam’s excited they’re getting past the “flitty person from the first half of the campaign” to the “core of sadness” as the story progresses.

Matt’s sure Yasha was not happy at all that her friends all disappeared without warning. “She spent six days thinking her friends were never going to come back. She doesn’t cry in a corner; she’s familiar with grief and loss. She hardens herself and moves on.” He’s hoping they’ll get to see some of that this week.

Critmas Spotlight: The Blind Weaver, a really, really cool 3D painting by a lady named Elaine Ryan, which has layers upon layers of polyurethane stained to make an amazing effect. See @elaineryanart on twitter and tumblr for more!

Talks Machina: After Dog

They decide where guests sit at the time of the episode. Matt likes to avoid the edges so they don’t feel like the outlier. Sam requests no attractive guests be placed immediately adjacent to him so that it does not detract from his glory. “That’s why I sit next to doggo Laura Bailey.” Brave man. Brave, foolish man.

Sam likes oatmeal raisin cookies. I am DELIGHTED, WHAT AN OLD MAN WHO SHARES MY TASTE. He also likes Werther’s, which is bringing back so many memories of my grandmother’s house. Matt likes ginger snaps, which are my favorite Christmas cookies also. I would kill for ginger snaps right now. Matt and Sam both are excited about pumpkin pie.

Essential D&D gifts, per Matt: dice, PHB, HeroForge custom minis if you really want to get them excited. He finds that getting in there and making a character can really help hook someone on the visual aspect & get invested in their character. Everything else is fluff. Sam suggests a music playlist for the first game; when he ran his first game with his kids, he liked having gridded paper to draw the maps on.

Matt does not feel that the crew of the ship has been mistreated, but they have been “neglected and dragged through places they didn’t expect.” He does think they’ll talk about everything they’ve done to all their friends and family when they get home in a very “you won’t believe this!” kind of way.

Sam always wears the same tie when he’s voice directing and on the first day of a new show. He’s wearing it tonight and can’t discuss the new show.

Favorite holiday movies! Brian: “Love, Actually” and “Die Hard,” as well as “Miracle on 34th Street.” Matt loves “A Christmas Story” (my favorite also, bless this man). Sam likes “Prancer” and “Scrooged,” but realizes mid-sentence that this is Brian’s first Talks as an engaged man.

Brian on proposing: ”It’s...the best.” They’d been together for over six years & met during the first Last of Us game. Brian describes himself as a former “piece of shit” and a very different person back then. Ashley had no expectations that he was going to propose & was totally surprised. Gah, this is too romantic.

Brian: “I always imagined for years what that moment would be like, and this topped all of my expectations... What more can you really hope for in this life than to feel that feeling with another person? It’s to me the pinnacle of our human experiences to be able to say ‘I’ve been through hell and yet found someone that I can definitely say I want to spend all the days of my life on this earth with,’ and the fact that it happened is fucking cool. It’s like heroin with none of the bad side effects.”

It was extremely stressful--but only the logistics. Apparently Matt’s proposal was extremely logistically intensive; Brian sympathizes.

And on that lovely, quiet note, we’re done for the night. Happy holidays, everyone. <3

[leadpaintrose]

Ok, So How Do We Want To Do This

A Critical Role (Vox Machina) ficlet. Look, this is a really stupid, self-indulgent piece of fic, but I’m also really pleased with it and I’m trying to at least put stuff up here, so there you go. All of it under the cut. 

Inspiration 

 At the beginning of the most recent episode I watched (Episode 22, I think), Matthew Mercer made a comment about how the Critters were slowly “turning us into our characters”, and I just had to run with it. I had recently found their second intro video, albeit one that was quite a few episodes in the future of where I was up to, but it immediately inspired me as well.  

 So, How Do We Want to Do This? 

 The darkness rang with their groans well before any light blossomed. They called out to each other, seeking reassurance that they weren’t alone. Those who had been sitting together reached out, grabbing hands and shoulders and sighing with relief. Matthew, alone at the DM’s table as he had been, spoke loudly.  

 “Everyone still here? All accounted for?” he asked, hopeful and afraid. One by one, they all responded, everyone relieved to hear to each distinct voice, though most of them were tinged with some pain from the unceremonious fall.  

 “Where the hell are we?” Travis asked the room at large.  

 “I don’t know,” Liam responded, “But, more importantly, how do we get out of here?” 

 “So many would be delighted to be where you find yourself.” 

 A voice sounded in the darkness, the direction from which it spoke impossible to follow. It wasn’t coming from everywhere, it wasn’t surrounding them, but each direction seemed just as likely as the others. Sam spoke into the darkness, clinging to Marisha’s hand.  

 “Well, we aren’t them. We’d like to leave. Can you help us?” 

 “Though, I suppose,” the voice continued, ignoring his question, “so many would also be terrified to be brought to this place.” 

 The room suddenly filled with light, and the group closed their eyes against the sharp brightness. The warm glow of tallow candles shone around them, though they couldn’t spot any individual candlesticks. The walls were a rich wood, and the room they stood in was almost perfectly circular. It was totally devoid of any furniture, and the roof rose high overhead, but no-one spared a glance upwards. All eight of them stared at the figure in the centre of the room, a mix of fear, confusion, and some intrigue in their face.  

 The figure – a woman, tall, fiercely red-headed and pale – smiled at them, her hands folded neatly in front of her. She slowly turned as she spoke, taking them all in, and meeting each of their eyes.  

 “Welcome. No doubt you have many questions. As do I.” 

 Working from instincts he did not know he had, Liam pulled a blade from his belt and threw it at the woman standing in the center of the circle. She casually turned to face him, plucking the blade out of the air as it sped towards her. A quick movement of her fingers sent it shooting back, flying an inch to the left of his face to embed itself into the wood behind him. He swore, flinching away from the blade, speaking in a language he had not taught his tongue. The confusion and blossoming realization in his eyes were matched by the shocked understanding on Laura and Marisha’s faces, as all three realized he had sworn in Elvish.  

 “That was the very height of rudeness, Vax’ildan. I would have expected at least some of your upbringing to force better habits into your instincts. Though, half-elves always were a tricky breed to predict, hm?” 

 Small blue sparks flickered around Sam’s fingertips, coalescing into a writhing ball of bluish-purple lightning. He opened his palm, throwing a bolt of thick lightning at her back. She held her hand up behind her, and the energy fizzled into nothingness inches from her palm. She turned to him, blue lightning now crackling from her eyes. He took an involuntary step back, holding his hands up in a placating gesture.  

 “Anyone else want to try attacking me?” she asked the room at large, turning to look square at Travis, holding a large axe comfortably across one shoulder. He shook his head, calmness in his stance betrayed by wildly darting eyes and a twitching vein in his forehead. Seeming to finally realize the weight on his shoulder, he looked at the axe in shock.  “Good. Glad to see you all learn eventually.  

 “I see you, Rogue!” the woman declared, turning back to Vax, a conjured gust of wind throwing back his hood as he attempted to sneak around her. “Do not presume to be able to surprise me.” 

 “What is going on?” Ashley asked, falteringly. The woman snarled at Liam, forcing him back into his spot, before turning to smile, almost gently, at Ashely. “A good start, young Cleric. Not the best question, but often important to at least try.” 

 “Who are you?” Laura spoke, “And why do you talk to us like we are our characters?” The woman looked at her, clearly amused.  

 “Why, simply because you are them. In form, in skills, in memories, in actions. They are you, just as you are them. You chose them, you created them, did you not?” 

 “But, they aren’t who we really are!” Marisha shouted in desperate panic, releasing all her nervous energy at once. The woman turned her gaze on Marisha, and the she shied back from the blazing fire in the strange woman's eyes.  

 “Aren’t they? Then why, Druid, were you able to so effectively cast Grasping Vine on me?” she asked, pointing slowly to the ground, and cocking her head to one side. A small ring of vines had burst from the ground at the woman’s feet, and had woven themselves around her ankles and up her legs. A bright flash, and the tendrils were burning, writhing away to fall in charred piles on the floor. Marisha clutched her head as the pained cries of the plants echoed in her mind– she seemingly the only one who could hear them.  

 “Those are characters – they aren’t our names, or what we are!” Taliesin interjected angrily, though with no little fear.  

 The woman stepped closer to him, moving with slightly unnatural grace. “And yet, gunslinger” she said, almost seeming to spit the word, “you all wear the robes of those of Vox Machina.” 

 Almost as one, the eight of them turned their gazes first downwards, and then outwards to their friends. Indeed, all of them were wearing the clothes that they had worn in the introduction video they had shot for the game. But these felt different. Each outfit was perfectly tailored to them, fitting with clean lines and a sense of real belonging. A magical electricity pulsed through the items that they knew to be magical, though they had been simple props in their world.  

 “And you,” the woman said suddenly, spinning and taking quick steps towards Matthew. He was wearing the Dungeon Master robes he had been in the introduction video, but there was a shimmering quality to them. Parts of them faded in and out of existence slowly, sometimes changing to look completely different. “He of the Pretty Face, and Many, Many Voices. You lead these all so well.” 

 “No,” he said, swallowing down the fear. “I am not the leader here.” 

 “Yeah,” Sam piped up nervously, unable to stop himself, “we all do our own thing. Just together.” 

 The woman did not move her gaze, seemingly completely ignoring Sam, though a shock of electricity through his body caused him to sink to one knee, crying out in pain. Ashley hurried next to him, clutching the holy symbol around her neck, closing her eyes, and laying a hand on him. They looked at each other in shock as light spilled from between her fingers, and his pain faded.   

 “No. You don’t lead, do you? No, you...you control them. You are their Master. You create, and they step so willingly into what you create for them to face. Without fear, yes, but without much choice either. How quickly you could destroy them all, rob them of everything, of their lives. Of other things far, far more important. 

 “What would you be in this?” 

 Matthew swallowed again, panting faintly, unable to break the lock she held on his gaze. “Whatever is needed.”  

 She paused, then broke out into silvery laughter, peals of it rising and falling delicately. The laughter quickly turned scornful and mocking.  

 “Just a good answer. So honourable and helpful and disgustingly honest. We shall see what you really are. Although....” she paused, considering. She cocked her head again, seeming to gaze at his soul itself. “The cloth still ripples, even now. Perhaps that really is who you are...” 

 She flipped a hand, and the tension left Matthew’s body, causing him to sag slightly, and pant heavily. “No matter. We will find out soon enough.” 

 “Now,” she said, clasping hands together, and slowly turning to look at each of them, “Ask your questions.” 

 “What are you?” Liam asked. The woman turned delighted eyes on him. 

 “Ah, finally. A good question. So much better than “Who?” You always were my favourite.” 

 She settled into a relaxed pose. “I am... a guide, of sorts.” she answered. “Here to assist through what is to come – as much as I am able to, of course. I am, perhaps, the only friendly face you will see here.” 

 “Friendly?!” Travis asked, incredulously, “Dumping us all here, attacking us, demanding questions – you call that friendly?!” 

 Laura put a hand on Travis’ arm. “What are we doing here?” she asked.  

 “What indeed?” the woman responded, face a careful study of neutrality.  

 “Why did you bring us here?” Sam asked. 

 She shook her head. “I did not bring you here, Bard. Those Who Watch brought you here. I am merely their servant.” 

 Ashley gasped softly, the sharp intake of air drawing the woman’s eyes.  “Then you are the One Who Knows. The Keeper.” 

 The woman inclined her head towards Ashley. “A keen mind, young Gnome. Sarenrae teaches her Clerics well.”  

 Marisha's eyes widened at the woman’s titles, hands moving in the first motions of a spell, a few leaves gathering against her feet. The loud click of Taliesin’s gun cocking echoed in the still air. The woman, The Keeper, looked at both of them with disapproval, as the rest of their friends looked at them with shocked concern, those with weapons quickly finding their hilts and handles.  

 “If you know my name, you know that it will take a lot to kill me.” the woman cautioned. “If you even can. Are you really willing to take that fight, and lose any chance of my assistance and kindness?”  

 Marisha released a soft growl, but the magical energy pulsing between her palms dissipated. Taliesin did not lower his gun, keeping it firmly trained on the woman’s chest. She once again inclined her head, acknowledging his right to the gesture.  

 She turned suddenly, grabbing Liam’s arm as it pushed a dagger dripping black poison towards her neck. The colour fled from his face as she glared at him from inches away. “Even your advantage cannot impact me, little half-elf.” His fingers twitched as she tightened her fingers around his wrist.  

 “But with his other hand, while she was distracted, Vax slid his dagger of life-stealing into the creature’s side.” Matthew’s words ran out through the room, a sense of power behind them. Liam’s hand moved of its own accord, driving the dagger towards her waist. He cried out in pain as the dagger dropped to the ground from suddenly loose fingers, a soft thud on the dirt floor before the dagger reappeared on his belt. Still staring into his eyes, she released her grip, and Liam dropped to the ground as well. He scrabbled away from her, rubbing his wrists and working his fingers.  

 “Excellent attempt, sir,” she acknowledged, looking at Matthew, who stooped over, grimacing and rubbing massaging fingers into his temples. “Unfortunately, this is not your game. You are not the Master here.” 

 Ashley approached Liam, pausing for a second, checking that The Keeper would not stop her. When the woman did not look at her, Ashley knelt down beside Liam, grasping his hand and her holy symbol, pouring healing energy through him. He gasped as the cold washed over him. The effort drained her far less than she expected.   

 “Well then. If there are no more questions.” the Keeper said, clasping her hands, completely ignoring the few who tried to speak, “it is time that you began.” The shape of a door suddenly burned itself into the wood behind Matthew, swinging open silently as the ornately carved door sprung into existence. The Keeper pointed towards it. “That way lies your quest. I look forward to seeing how you succeed.” She grinned, teeth perfectly white and straight. “As I’m sure you all will.” 

 With a final inclination of her head, she was gone.  

[oscopelabs]

Mirror, Mirror: When Movie Characters Look Back at Themselves by Sheila O’Malley

“I always feel it behind me. It’s myself. And I follow me. In silence. But I can hear it. Yes, sometimes it’s like I’m chasing myself. I want to escape from myself. But I can’t!” —Peter Lorre as child-murderer, M (1931)

There was a period in the ‘60s and ‘70s when you could barely call yourself a male movie star if you didn’t do a scene where you stared at yourself in the mirror, doing various “private” things. The device shows up before then, too, but the floodgates opened in the ‘60s and ‘70s. Meryl Streep has observed, “Often the scenes that are the most exciting, and most illuminating in film, are the ones with no dialogue…where a character is doing something alone, where the deepest most private self is revealed or explored. Exposed.”

Mirrors have multiple thematic uses (as well as the obvious directorial choice to add visual interest to the frame). But if a character is inarticulate, then seeing him “deal with” his reflection can fill in some gaps. It’s a great storytelling shortcut. If the character has a firm public “mask,” a “mirror scene” can let us see who he is when no one is watching. We all lie, to some degree, out there in the world (or on social media). We construct a “self” and a mirror scene allows the character to strip that away.

Speaking stereotypically (or, in archetypes), what is expected of male characters in terms of public persona is different from the pressures on female characters. Not better or worse, just different. Crying, showing uncertainty, weakness, vulnerability … can be a minefield. This is why the glut of male mirror scenes in the 70s makes a kind of sense: as the women’s movement rose, men began to wonder about their place, as well as buck against some of the gender norms imposed on them (or, in some cases, re-entrench said gender norms, Travis Bickle’s “You talkin’ to me” the most classic example).

Shakespeare’s use of the soliloquy—in particular for Kings and prospective Kings—could be seen as mirror scenes, with the audience as the mirror. A man goes into a private space, showing the audience things he cannot show on the battlefield or in the court. Hamlet, one of the most introverted of Shakespeare’s characters, showing non-gender-norm qualities of uncertainty and sensitivity, has a massive six soliloquies. (“O that this too too solid flesh would melt”, “O what a rogue and peasant slave am I”, “To be or not to be”, “Tis now the very witching time of night”, “Now might I do it pat” and “How all occasions do inform against me.”) It is impossible to imagine the play—or Hamlet—without them. In Richard II, after Richard is forced to surrender his crown, what is the first thing he does? Like a true narcissist, he calls for a mirror. As he stares at himself, he wonders, 

“Was this face the face That every day under his household roof Did keep ten thousand men?” 

and throws the mirror on the ground.

Mirrors are powerful and mysterious symbols. The doubling-up can mean all kinds of things. Alice steps through the looking glass into another world. Goethe’s Faust looks into the witch’s mirror and sees a beautiful woman staring back. Dorian Gray takes a mirror to compare his face with the one in the attic portrait. (Like Richard III, Dorian smashes the mirror.)  A mirror is crucial in Tennyson’s “The Lady of Shalott,” where “The Lady” is cursed to view the world only through a mirror. But then Lancelot rides by and she can’t help it, she has to sneak a peek. Maybe the most famous fictional mirror is the Evil Queen’s in “Snow White,” the one she asks every day, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” Richard III doesn’t look for a reflection of his beauty. He wonders where his “self” even is, without the crown.

An early male mirror scene—and one of the best—is Peter Lorre’s in Fritz Lang’s M (1931). Our first glimpse of Lorre’s face comes without warning. As a handwriting-analyst theorizes in voiceover about the child-killer’s psychology, we see him, staring at himself in the mirror. He pulls at his face, slowly, manipulating his mouth into a smile, trying it on for size, maybe seeing what it looks like to the children he seduces. He bugs his eyes out, turning this way, that, a maniacal presence, almost like a shark rolling its eyes backwards as it attacks. He has no sense of what human beings feel like, of what he looks like, of how to even make a facial expression. It’s one of the most chilling private moments in cinema.

Speaking of “private moments”: Constantin Stanislavski wrote a lot about how actors needed to feel “solitude in public.” He wrote: ”During a performance, before an audience of thousands, you can always enclose yourself in this circle…You can carry it with you wherever you go.” Lee Strasberg developed his “private moment exercise” to help actors achieve “solitude in public.” There are things you do when you are alone which you would stop doing if someone walked in. Maybe you sing along to the radio. Maybe you talk to yourself. Maybe you pick your nose. Maybe you do all of these things simultaneously. Our “public” selves are drilled into us from a very young age. There are “good manners,” there are “contexts” to be memorized—what flies at home will not fly outside the home. Breaking down the public face, letting an audience see who you are when you are by yourself, is part of the actor’s job. (It’s not a surprise that the '70s came to be dominated by private-moment mirror scenes, considering the influence of the Strasberg method on acting styles.)

One of the most important mirror scenes, and a huge influence on Martin Scorsese, is Marlon Brando’s in Reflections in a Golden Eye, directed by John Huston. Brando plays Major Weldon Penderton, a closeted gay man married to a frustrated, luscious Elizabeth Taylor. Late at night, Penderton sits alone, staring at pictures of naked male statues from Greek antiquity. The character lives in an almost totally male world (the military), turned on by young soldiers, and terrified of revealing himself. In one scene, alone downstairs in the house, he walks into the hall and stares at himself in the mirror. After a moment of vacuity, he begins to talk to himself, or, more vulnerably, to an imaginary other person. He pretends to respond to what the other person says, he practices laughing, and he smiles, but the smile is superimposed. He can’t get it to look real. What he says is a kind of murmur, a “pretense” of conversation. This is the kind of vulnerability Brando could achieve like no other. Without this scene, the Major could have been a caricature. All we see is his fuddy-duddy sexless stiff public mask. The mirror scene shows his confusion at how to be a man, how to navigate even a casual conversation.

Alain Delon has a stunning mirror moment in Purple Noon (1960), Rene Clement’s adaptation of Patricia Highsmith’s The Talented Mr. Ripley. Delon plays the sociopath Tom Ripley, in thrall to his casually masculine friend Philippe Greenleaf (Maurice Ronet). Delon’s chilly presence onscreen works to beautiful effect: He doesn’t show us much. But then, he tries on Philippe’s clothes, a sleek pinstripe jacket, fancy shoes. He checks himself out in the mirror. Most actors would leave it at that. But Delon understood the homoerotic implications of the script, not to mention the character’s dangerous narcissism. Delon leans into the mirror and gives himself a rapturous long kiss, slitting his eyes open at one point, to check out what he looks like.

It’s interesting to contrast this with the same scene in the 1999 adaptation, The Talented Mr. Ripley, starring Matt Damon. Director Anthony Minghella makes the subtext practically text, by placing mirrors in almost every scene (the final shot of Ripley is through a mirror). When Ripley tries on his friend’s clothes, he dances around to Bing Crosby’s “May I,” doing a vaudeville burlesque. It’s a different kind of rapture than Delon’s swooning kiss. Damon’s drag-style dance is more for the audience, an explicit display of inner gay-ness, what Ripley is hiding beneath his good-natured submissive public persona. It’s a good scene, although I prefer Delon’s. Delon’s kiss is Stanislavsky’s “public solitude”—and it shows the terrifying void within the character. There is no self. The entire world is a mirror.

In Karel Reisz’s gritty Saturday Night and Sunday Morning, Albert Finney’s Arthur, in a whirl of work, sex, and alcohol, is suddenly caught by his reflection one hungover morning. He was beat up the night before. He plays at being a sniper through his window, targeting local women with pellets. It’s a thin line between playfulness and murderous acting-out. Finney digs into this aspect of the character when he suddenly speaks to his reflection. It is a statement of bravado before descending into confusion: ”I’m me and nobody else. Whatever people say I am that’s what I am not, because they don’t know a bloody thing about me. God knows what I am.”

For the opening sequences of Rocky, we see Rocky Balboa’s normal “day in the life.” We are introduced to him through various public selves. But when he goes home to his dank apartment, feeding his turtles, gentle and quiet, his loneliness is so acute it reverbs off the screen. Childhood photographs of him line the mirror frame, and Rocky stares at them, his big-lug face almost crushed in disappointment. Holding a container of turtle food, he starts to talk to himself. What he’s saying doesn’t sound like anything, just private-moment murmurings, but in the next scene, when he goes to visit the girl in the pet store, it becomes clear. He was practicing a joke to tell her, a joke designed to make her laugh, show her he’s a safe person, he’s nice. Rocky practicing a joke in the mirror is one of Stallone’s most vulnerable moments as an actor (and evidence of his gift as a screenwriter).

John Travolta’s mirror moment in 1977’s Saturday Night Fever is star-making, not just because of Travolta’s almost otherworldly gorgeousness (as well as how he revels in said gorgeousness, behavior considered coded-female). Surrounded by 1970s icons—posters of Rocky, Serpico, and Farrah Fawcett—he blow-dries his hair, places gold chains around his neck, and stands like a superhero in his black speedo briefs, shot from below. Perhaps the most revealing thing about the scene is that when his father barges into the room, Travolta’s Tony Manero does not stop what he is doing. His lack of embarrassment tells us everything we need to know about the character.

Francis Ford Coppola’s epic, Apocalypse Now begins with a hallucinatory sequence showing a PTSD-rattled Martin Sheen, holed up in a hotel room in Saigon, tormented by memories. In one shocking moment, Sheen stands unsteadily, and lurches around in front of the mirror, flailing his arms out in imitation martial-arts moves, an attempt to combat his helplessness and anguish, his impotence. But the gap between reality and fantasy is too great, and he, like Richard III, smashes the mirror.

Richard Gere’s mirror moment in American Gigolo is a distant cousin of John Travolta’s. His Julian has carefully crafted an immaculate persona for his female clients, and part of the movie’s pull is watching it get stripped away. At home, Julian wanders around, practicing Swedish, working out, picking out clothes for his next appointment. He’s vain, but vanity is part of his job. Smokey Robinson’s “The Love I Saw In You Was Just a Mirage,” and it’s perfect because Julian literally is a mirage. To his clients, to himself, even. When he stands in front of the mirror, flexing his muscles, he is more Evil Queen than Richard III, a destabilizing of gender norms around male sexuality (and self-presentation) which is so much a part of the film. (When Julian meets a private detective, it’s at a joint called the Me & Me Coffee Shop. Julian’s hall of mirrors shatters by the end of American Gigolo: in the final scene, he talks to Lauren Hutton through a glass partition in prison. The mirror is no more. He can see through it now to the other person, and, crucially, he can be seen, too, as he really is.)

The most famous mirror moment is, of course, Robert De Niro’s in Taxi Driver. In the insomniac voiceover, his Travis Bickle says, “I think that someone should become a person like other people,” showing the character’s alienation from other humans. You aren’t already a person, to Travis: you have to become one. As Travis descends into psychosis, dreaming of 1. impressing the cool blonde (Cybill Shepherd) who rejected him after he took her to a porn movie on their first date and 2. rescuing the child prostitute Iris (Jodie Foster), he begins to amass a small arsenal, putting together boot holsters and straps to go around his wiry body. In the unforgettable moment when he checks himself out in the mirror, he goes into a zone of macho fantasy. (Schrader’s script said only “Travis speaks to himself in the mirror.” De Niro’s “You talkin’ to me” was his improvisation.) De Niro goes so far into his sense of privacy, it’s almost embarrassing to watch. And yet it’s so human, too. (If you say you’ve never talked to yourself in the mirror, or sung in the shower, you’re lying.)

De Niro’s second mirror moment is Raging Bull’s final scene, when the bloated Jake La Motta recites Marlon Brando’s “I coulda been a contender” monologue from On the Waterfront, before standing up and doing a series of “pumping up” exercises, to get ready to go onstage. (Side note: Mary Elizabeth Winstead closes out Eva Vives’ wonderful 2018 film All About Nina, about a troubled stand-up comic, with a re-creation of the scene from Raging Bull.) What’s fascinating about the Raging Bull scene is that Jake La Motta has no “self” to reveal. It’s almost like there’s no inner life at all. He doesn’t “get it.” He never did, he never will. De Niro blanks himself out in a very unnerving way, opposite to the dangerous vengeful-spirit fantasy he inhabits in Taxi Driver.

Although Walter Hill’s Johnny Handsome descends into a cliched crime movie with paper-thin characters, the opening sequences are dark, cynical, and atmospheric. Mickey Rourke plays Johnny, a man with a deformed head, an “ugly” appearance which has separated him from other humans. Reminiscent of the Joan Crawford film A Woman’s Face, a caring plastic surgeon (Forest Whittaker) offers to operate on Johnny, to give him a chance at a new life. When Rourke unwraps the bandages and sees his new face (i.e. Rourke’s real face), Rourke has a mirror moment like almost no other, a moment worthy to be placed alongside Brando’s and De Niro’s. He touches his face with wonder, bursting into tears. That’s touching enough, but then, as he glances back at Whitaker, Rourke goes deeper. A look of fear, and lifelong anguish floods his eyes, as he says, “I feel like I still have a mask on” and then, after that, Rourke goes even deeper into a maelstrom of emotion: gratitude, bafflement, awe, despair. The scene is Rourke’s finest hour.

Up until recently (with a couple of exceptions), when women stared at themselves in the mirror in the movies, it was obvious what they are doing: touching up their makeup, checking out their mask. Once again, in the 1960s and 70s, women started doing “mirror scenes” equivalent to men’s mirror scenes, where the purpose was not perfecting the public mask, but to - as Sylvia Plath wrote in her poem “Mirror” - search “my reaches for what she really is.” Faye Dunaway has a great one in Jerry Schatzberg’s Puzzle of a Downfall Child. Gena Rowlands has quite a few “mirror scenes” in the movies she did with Cassavetes (there’s a couple of stunners in Opening Night). In my favorite moment in Sofia Coppola’s The Bling Ring, after breaking into Paris Hilton’s house, Katie Chang goes into a daze of mad-woman fantasy, staring at herself in Paris’ mirror. It’s not hard to imagine the character slipping into the Manson family, if a Manson came along. She’s as blank as Jake La Motta. In La Verite’s opening scene, Brigitte Bardot stares at her face in a broken shard of a mirror, right before marching off for her court date. Her “self” is fragmented, broken. Jennifer Jason Leigh has an extraordinary extended “mirror scene” in Georgia. The moment is everything: self-hatred, rage, searching and longing, and bone-deep narcissism.

Men staring at themselves in the mirror let us into their secret worlds, their fantasies and anxieties, uncertainties and vulnerabilities. It’s not about being self-obsessed. It’s trying to find the self, the self that is not allowed free rein, be it a benign self or a malevolent one.

In Caravaggio’s “Narcissus,” Narcissus leans towards his reflection in the water, his posture pulled downwards with a seductive tug. He braces himself by his hands on the ground, and his knee, bulging out beneath his torso, is the only barrier between Narcissus and his reflection (and, perhaps, drowning). In the painting the reflection below is cut off; all we see are the forearms and that gleaming sturdy knee. Even though Narcissus’ body is barely visible, even though he’s hunched over himself, his energy is childlike, soft and open. He gives his reflection a caressing stare, a swooning look. He yields. This is not just vanity. This is something else.

[curlzformetal]

Episode 12, Midnight Espionage

Okay, so first off, I will address dropping out from this for like five months. Uh, it happens…? Idk what ep I left off on typing up, but we’re gonna start back here for funsies. But I’m back!! With más reactiones! (Listen, u take Spanish for two years in high school and then. and then this happens.) So!! Episode 12!!

the whole plan,, is so goddamn smart. like how they talk throughout the ep is consistently considering all the angles, to steal the handwriting, to copy it, to do all this shit and,,, in any dnd campaign I’ve played all the people just want combat and it’s so nice to see dnd used in a ,,, varied environment i suppose? Idk I just love the (heh) espionage that goes down this ep, and it’s so goddamn cool.

another thing before the character breakdowns: the subtle,,, foreshadowing? That Marisha did w/o even thinking or knowing??? “We all think Matt’s managing three storylines but little known to us, he’s managing a fourth seCRET STORYLINE” and then shIT hits the FAN AT THE END OF THE EP and there’s,,, explosions and towers crumbling andAND AND PEOPLE. GETTING STRUCK BY L I GHTNING AND TURNED TO A SH. that,, was nice. everything went to shit but tbh I agree with Travis. “That went perfectly.” something is afoot my dudes…something is aFOOT.

okay so, we’ll start off w jester: fave moment was more a joint Nott and Jester moment. Nott asking Jester when they break into the attic if Jester wants to draw a mustache or a dick on the giant art piece…was priceless. I’ve mentioned that i really love their dynamic and that certainly holds true this time, and the jester is like… I think I studied this artist. And I?? Jester studied art?? I mean I used it makes sense but I,, can’t see Jester studying? Like I just don’t see it.

Speaking of Nott, the,, mage hand…mistake?? (Missed opportunity?) With the grappling hook and how upset she was like,, idk what that says about her and Caleb bc I almost get this vibe like she desperately needs to impress Caleb and always be as smart or only a little less smart than him bc she needs to prove to herself that she deserves his love and affection. And like that…really hit home. Very much so. The way she says, “I want to see you succeed,” really tells me that Nott feels like she needs to work to help Caleb not only because she loves him, but also because she might need to feel like she’s earning her place with him. And then after everything goes sideways, she still takes that moment to grab the scroll that Caleb wanted before leaving the High (Richter? Riktor?)’s home sort of cements that for me. ((okay, something else that fucking GOT ME. the whole hospital scene was a jam. a bop. Nott,, continually asking about doing this one plan and Caleb just,, keeps,, “No that sounds a little extreme” like…yeah. but the whole situation had gone extreme Caleb, or haven’t yOU NOTICED?? I just really love Nott and Caleb as a friendship. Like,, really badly. But also Nott hissing was fucking PRIME. the bEST. 111/10 you’re doing amazing sweetie.)) Also, Nott,,, is so funny. Like…the messages?? Every message she sends is,, the best. I think everyone absolutely knows they can respond to this message, but it reminds me of like those automatic email sign offs, and it’s just…great, it’s great okay, I have a terrible and easily pleased sense of humor and thIS PLEASES ME.

Speaking of the hospital scene, @Molly you know what you did. I am both disgusted…and very impressed. Good plan, terrible execution, it’s okay if you blame the dice. But Molly really goes that extra mile every time without it…striking me as a need to be extra? Like he does it, but it’s not for praise or good attention bc I feel like Molly almost…doesn’t care about that. It would be nice to see him get it, but I think Molly is so used to not receiving positive attention at all (take how the guard shooed him away when he has the little bus set up, take how suspicious the guards to the Trispire were and that’s just this ep) that it’s not an attention thing for it. And like…I don’t think it’s a fun thing either? He didn’t sound like he was having a good time cutting himself open or smashing through a window or acting possessed and like…in context (and out of it) it’s funny, but at the same time, Molly takes to it without he levity that would make him the comic relief. (That probably atm goes to Nott. Read: Sam.) Molly’s just…flashy? Without wanting the attention or having fun with it, he just is. Like…like he’s going through the motions of putting on a show without actually enjoying any aspect of it.

Whereas Jester absolutely enjoys putting on a show. She enjoys attention, she adores it, she has fun with it. Her and Molly are so similar in…genre (?)….but not in motive. Jester does things a certain way or does them at all purely bc they are fun. She enjoys playing dressup, she enjoys acting…she enjoys imagining things. (I almost wonder…if she didn’t imagine her mom?) It’s a really fun compare and contrast between her and Molly and I think they foil each other really well even without interacting that much.

You know who does interact with Jester a lot though? Beau. And while Beau doesn’t put on a show to be flashy or to have fun, I still feel like she is putting on some kind of show. Maybe not directly, but almost in a kind of…lie of omission way. Is an act of omission a thing? But anyways, it’s really interesting, Beau having secrets, Beau doing and saying true things, and pitting both of those things against each other. Beau is…almost her own foil, which is just weird but it really works for her. (10/10 moment: Beau trying not to bleed on a magical rug that is literally in fucking tatters.)

Which brings me to Fjord. Full disclosure, some of the spoilers I’ve seen for like eps 60-74 make me love him, even though atm Caleb is really stealing that cake, but what would have tipped me off is that when Caleb goes for the scroll in the High (Richter?)’s house, Fjord doesn’t hesitate the tiniest bit to threaten him. He threatens to dump (and HARM) Caleb, and by extension Nott, and he does it without any outer evidence of inner conflict which really…mhmMM is there inner conflict at all? Cue gif of there’s a lot to unpack here. It’s really interesting because he does this, but five minutes later Fjord shoves a health potion down Caleb’s throat and the words that stick with me are “We’re either a team or you’re working for yourselves. Decide.” because it’s so obvious that Fjord himself has decided that he’s a team. This is his team. He’s decided, he is invested in the Mighty Nein, not as individuals who are his friends, but as a group that’s HIS group. (Look at how the moment he escaped the hospital, he instantly turns around to help Molly.) Fjord believes in all them, together, in a way I don’t think anyone else quite does yet. It’s…a really really really good and fun thing to see, for sure.

Also the plot is so goddamn thick. Almost as thick as Molly’s cosplayed dick. (I really hope in EP 13 that comes back I wanna know.) And like,, the way Matt describes things, the fact that Marisha accidentally foreshadows the whole thing?? I am DYING to know what’s going on. Im so curious. Matt drags not opy the players (with characters who are invested) but he immediately drags the Audi in with him. I wanna know what’s up!! What the fuck!! What the hell!! What the HECKIN!! so.

im gonna go find out what the HECKIN, n I’m gonna start ep 13 despite the late hour. hopefully the next Critical Reaction won’t take, u know,,, five months. :) :) :)

[fairytales-magic]

So I finally watched ep 1 of Critical Role! I was wondering what got you into it and how long you’ve been a fan? Have you been watching it from the beginning or did you start it later on?

Yay!!!! Ah my gosh i’m so happy!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉 Welcome to the nerdy fandom! ;D  Omg girl, ok full discloser beforehand, i’d been making this MASSIVE list of CR stuff for you (like a guide to watching it; where to find stuff, links to videos, etc) but then super recently i saw @loveisalwayswise had already done that so i was just gonna link and give a really nerdy intro for the show in general. I swear i didn’t forget to respond! ;P  If you still want to see her Tumblr post A Guide to Critical Role there you go (it’s so very in-depth and it’ll really helps you navigate around things, find stuff you might be interested in, helpful tips on where to start, highly recommend).   

So i started watching CR roughly a year or so ago. Tumblr was the one who introduced me, cause before then I didn’t know virtually anything about it, other than it was a D&D livestream that had the most talented artists i’ve ever come across making drop-dead stunning fan art that kept popping up on my dash (the first might have been one of Jester or Caleb and it was stunning). 

I did a little googling to learn more, and actually it was after the responses from this post i made that got me to finally dig deeper. My friend who i found out also loves Critical Role told me where i could watch it all on YouTube, and low n behold i already knew basically everyone from it already?! 

Matt Mercer was my man Levi Ackerman/Joker/Silver Fullbuster/etc. Travis Willingham aka Thor in every animated Marvel show/Mori-Senpai/Roy-freaking-Mustang. Laura Bailey the queen who’s Lust/Kanako Kasugazaki/Tohru Honda. Sam Riegel voice actor from my childhood (i grew up on TMNT so it blew my mind)!!! 

I’ll stop now but the list just goes on for all of them. :P

It was crazy! And it wasn’t just them that made it worth staying. The way Matt spins his descriptions, paints such a vivid picture in your mind (and actually ALL OF THEM do it) it’s almost spellbinding. You just sit there wanting to hear more, to see it all. He puts so much hard work and love into it every week and it really shows. The cast is enthralled every time he describes someplace/thing and so is the audience. 

So needless to say i was hooked. ;D

I think i started somewhere early on in Campaign 2 (like 5th ep in?), but also went backwards to check out Campaign 1, since that’s where the majority of art i’d seen was derived. And i’m STILL making my way through C1 (there’s A LOT of episodes holy cannoli) while also being up to date watching C2. The Briarwood arc from C1 is by far and wide my favorite arc and one of the first i watched from start to finish. I’d 1000% recommend there as a starting point. Its the first time they really delve deep into one of the characters backstory and overall it’s just so intense and fantastic you’ll want to stay even tho the video quality is in it’s meh stage, cause they were still new to streaming live (i can set you up with links for that too). 

And i’ve even started playing D&D myself with some friends! I’ve only done a couple sessions but it’s so much fun i have a blast each time we get together (and creating a character i get to embody–where i choose their life, their background, how that background effects their personality and how they interact with others, that you can’t be careless cause each choice has consequences makes it so much more intense). 

It’s become the highlight of my week (Is it Thursday yet?!?!) and idk just always manages to lift my spirits no matter what. :)

Lemme know if you have more questions?!?

(also i totally have CR fan art saved as my computer background, see below ;D)

[birdiethebibliophile]

I’d like to talk about how Fjord’s arc can be read as a spiraling, self-fulfilling prophecy, for just a moment. (Kudos to @losebetter for inspiring this. Your tweets keep sending me down deep paths of Fjord meta.) Readmore provided because this got pretty dang long.

 Let’s start back in episode 31. Fjord’s still recovering from being kidnapped and tortured by slavers; he’s still dealing with losing Molly. During their time off, Fjord did not relax (“The previous events have rocked Fjord a little bit”) and instead attempted to get his story out of the way without bothering the others. Did anyone ever talk to him about how he was gone for two weeks? As far as I can tell from the transcript, aside from Matt’s comment that the others were “generally worried” that Fjord disappeared and a brief, skipped-over question from Caleb where he said “You were off on your own. Are you okay?” left unanswered, they did not. One of the most painful moments for me, if it comes to that, is during a conversation where everyone’s getting caught up on what they did during this time off, where Fjord asked everyone about their experiences and didn’t speak at all about his own, he has this line [bolded part mine]:

TRAVIS: Yeah. There’s no telling that they’re going to share any information with me, anyway. I’m fucking absorbing things and shit just appears and I’m getting stronger by the day and it has nothing to do with the things that I’m learning. There’s no books or knowledge, it’s just happening. What if they look at me like you guys look at me sometimes? What if they don’t let me go? Maybe that’s not where I need to be.

More on that - especially the bolded sentence - in a minute.

The other important thing about episode 31 was that Fjord was the one to go to Cree and talk to her about Molly, leading to the following conversation.

MATT: I wasn’t expecting to see him this last time. I feel like whatever grace brought him back to us, maybe it was your carelessness that took him from us again.

TRAVIS: Indeed, maybe it was. You have my apologies and my condolences.

MATT: It is all right. I have started a new life here, and it has been serving me well.

TRAVIS: I hate to leave you with such sour news, but I must be going.

MATT: Such are these days. Thank you for your candor. She turns around and walks away.

TRAVIS: Fuck. Then I’ll head back to The Leaky Tap.

We already know that Fjord is someone who tends to take on a lot of guilt, blame himself for things – Travis has said as much. Fjord blames himself for Molly’s death, and Cree outright blamed him, which I’m sure didn’t help. But this is just the setup. Just an example of Fjord, well, conforming to other people’s opinions of him. This is a well-established fact about his character. It’s even symbolic, with his use of the Mask of Many Faces. Fjord can be who people want or expect him to be, shifting and changing to fit their expectations. Cree blamed him for Molly’s death, and I think in that, Fjord took on the persona of someone who was responsible for it.

Moving on to the current arc.

For a while now, Fjord has been pushed into this leadership position, into someone who makes decisions. He played a role for Avantika – the role of eager acolyte. He played a role for the Mighty Nein – someone who was fine with all this, whose only goal was to get them through it, who was fine with receiving the consequences of their entanglement with Avantika. This included sleeping with her twice – and the second time at least with dubious consent (Beau outright said that he didn’t really have a choice in the matter). The overall tone of Fjord’s actions in that section can be summed up with this exchange from episode 41:

TRAVIS: Thank you and thank you for talking with me.

LIAM: I cough very hard into my hands and cast Message to him and briefly, quietly say: I think that woman is going to try to kill you, I really do.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Just so. I’ll turn and walk off.

In both sections here, I see a… resignation in Fjord’s attitude. An acceptance of this is who he is now. But even here, things aren’t too bad. He sees himself as a doomed man, but they make it out. Avantika is killed. All is well.

Except… it isn’t.

In fact, Fjord’s actions have taken a sharp turn ever since then – away from the kind, caring man we’ve come to expect and into someone who seems to be making reckless decisions, hungers for power, doesn’t care about his friends’ feelings.

And my argument is that this is happening because they’ve already decided that’s how he is, now.

“What if they look at me like you guys look at me sometimes?”

When was the last time someone asked Fjord how he was feeling? When was the last time someone had a conversation with him that wasn’t centered around Avantika or Uk’otoa? When was the last time someone interacted with him, one-on-one, without asking Fjord if he’s power-hungry, asking him what his goals are, wondering if he’s going to release a monster bent on destroying the world? A brief, one or two sentence conversation with Jester post-Darktow, maybe, when she mentioned how he uses Vandren’s voice (I would quote that but the transcript hasn’t been completed yet). Other than that, and the conversation with Caleb quoted above, no one’s talked to Fjord in a long, long time. And the last thing he said about how he was feeling – also from that conversation with Caleb?

“Because I feel like I am swimming in the deep end and I don’t quite know what I’m doing.”

Fjord finds it so easy to take on whatever persona he needs to – whatever’s expected of him. And his friends, consistently and constantly for weeks now, have been on the lookout for him turning dark, or power-hungry, or cruel. Simultaneously, they’ve expected leadership and initiative. They’ve expected him to be the one who knows what he’s doing. Even Caleb – the only person to really talk to him in so long – now expects Fjord to help him in the future, a pact sealed with blood and elemental magic. Everyone has come to expect Fjord to take foolhardy risks, to be thinking about releasing Uk’otoa, to be the Ship’s Captain.

And, as we see, that’s what Fjord’s becoming.

He finds it so easy to take up a new character, a new accent, a new face. For a long time, his friends expected him to be a kind and loving man, and he was. Now, don’t get me wrong. I think that Fjord has a true nature of his own, and it is, at its core, good.  But for a character who takes on so much of other people’s expectations, weeks – months, even, now – of taking on blame for things that are (for the most part) not his fault has got to have an effect. This is why I say it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not that Fjord’s actively thinking “well, as long as they think this of me, I might as well act like they expect”; I doubt it’s conscious at all. With his friends withdrawing from him, though, and them (and the fandom, by the way) acting as if he’s already  given into his curiosity or his hunger for power or anything of that nature, he acts as he’s expected to. Fjord likes fulfilling people’s expectations, doesn’t he?

No one really seems to trust him anymore. No one bothers to ask him how he feels – hasn’t since he said he felt like he was swimming in the deep end, didn’t know what he was doing. Since he responded to a suggestion that he might be murdered with just so.

I don’t know if this is an accurate read; I don’t know what’s going to happen next. But I’m concerned that it’s a spiral feeding into itself. His friends expect the worst of him, so he fulfills their expectations (Fjord, the people-pleaser; Fjord, desperate for people to like him), so they expect worse things of him, and he unconsciously fills that space as well, until he’s recklessly plunging into dangerous situations and trying desperately to do what people expect of him and snapping at Jester and –

– well.

If someone doesn’t talk to him soon – really  talk to him about himself, not about their expectations of him; if someone doesn’t believe he’s better than this; if everyone continues to assume the worst and usher him through the doorway marked Fjord is a reckless, unlovable man responsible for Molly’s death, along with everything that’s happened since they left Nicodranas…

The mask he’s been wearing, trying so hard to be what he needs to be – what he’s expected to be – may not be able to come off without taking a layer of his own face with it.

To put it another way: he’ll write his own tragedy.