#But I'm feeling my passion return
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Tailspin
A rolling tumbleweed traversing desolate desert, scattered across a Saloon, house for cretins which felt lost. Offering salvation in nectar. One drink, became two, three and eventually, your issues were gone. Albeit once snapped out of it, everything else was too.
The precipice of a familiar setting. It cost him before, history held the habit to repeat. Seated, tankard a grog almost finished. Standing on a mental ledge.
He felt worthless, telling people that it’s going to be okay, shouting you’ve got to win, only to falter. This building was where the downward spiral occurred formerly. Allowing, ‘Un’, a specter of misery to consume him. Manifesting a nagging conscience who served small, inferior, and gave it control.
Plummeting further into depravity. Felt he was a creature of flight, airborne, whelmed with turbulence that threatened to crash and collide into the ground.
Unshakable hope, said he could still pull up. Relapse or command a resiliency.
Reflecting, silencing noises of the establishment’s ambiance. Judas prior in a crushing way, advised him to use his thoughts. Serving close, although it was strictly platonic, chemistry, and matching bond felt richer than many couples who claimed love.
Culprit behind this betrayal, took advantage of closeness, peaking into rifts. Inflicting Captain to strike wrongly… Orchestrating this proved chaos was enjoyed. The down-bad heathen began crossing analyzing Crewmates, on potential motives. A singular bullet within the chamber to get the truth, unwilling to falsely accuse.
Wasn’t his daughter, Klethera, despite last seen publicly at bedside before the crime commenced. A grievance too raw, she lashed out. When news broke Captain confronted her after learning she volunteered and admitted she was the one who slew the brother of the man waged against in the Six Layers pit. Wishing to prevent, protect her, but she just questioned. “Why are you insistent to be my Father now? You weren’t for eighteen summers. I don’t need protection or coddling, I can manage without you.” Leaving him stunned, stormed out also on him. Naturally she was a spit-fire.. Unlike him, she held leaps of sense, understanding right from wrong, righteously seeking to do moral justice.
Surgeon Casta either wasn't able elicit harm. Purest innocence, despite challenges into breakable mistreatment, unfairness, everything stacked, she managed to keep herself and attitude afloat. For her compassion for others. Humanization inspired Captain right now, to contemplate. Even chosen to become a subordinate of Sinbad’s band. She admitted to being afraid, but her braveness leaped over expectations for the sake of her Captain.. A hero in her Tales she made him the protagonist. Saved by him long ago. Reality was she was his heroine.
Ubylagynn Gark, The Hellsguard Uncle of Crew, Quartermaster, gentle giant, brother of the Founding Captain. Although intense tension lingered after a threat that if Captain sulked again and moped in the Crimson Baron’s presence, he’d personally turn him into ashes and a fleece pelt. Flames from the crime scene were created with a standardized lighter. Gark’s fire aspect, didn’t require any carry-on nonsense.
Shelah, the Duskwight, sniper originated from part’s elsewhere, Isle of Amazonian’s, all women who were seers, were nomadic and uncommon to using such devices and critically lacked knowledge outside their isolated habitat. She couldn’t have been the culprit either.
Zieton, Goldbrand Crew’s Historian, seemingly from an ancient era, incredibly bound of faith, vowed in Twelve’s Sake to sacred oath, he wouldn’t ever bring harm to anyone with his tremendous knowledge. A body was a temple of the divine and the conduit of their wishes. Joining strictly to retain the scattered Relic’s of the Twelve as his quest, reunite them to their rightful residence. This was far too barbaric and savage for this Elezen.
Nihlius, the unwanted Ghoul, outside grimly appearance, afflicted with appalling darkness, it was impractical for them to be the offender. Quite possibly served as Captain's most loyal, a monster… Unbelievable.
Ruling out these, who remained were candidates, potentially, the mastermind of dark.
Didn’t taste right to assume, Slafhota the person who actually pulled him from the fire, yet often in scenarios, the first on scene could be it. Her aetheric pattern when Captain first encountered her, he believed was an old enemy, a Primal of the Depths, someone who brought tremendous turmoil to Captain long-ago with his Crew of former, it took alliances, and managed to superbly unite to bring down that Siren Among Siren’s written about in fables, her civilization, terrorized, control mind’s and bent them effortlessly in song. It took War against that force, it built his fame throughout the Realm for holding a part to eviscerating that pollution. But he was wrong, cause confronted with this Sea Wolf, she was so far different. Notwithstanding his initial reading, nor instinct, she banished his thoughts. – Perhaps she has regained memories? Was she merely a reincarnation of that villain, hiding amongst that facade? A pretty surface, hiding the depths… There was weight to his concerns.
She not only cooked for this Crew, but was a counselor, someone reliable to confess their harboring feelings, providing balances of calming empathy. Anyone felt safe with her to open up too. He almost slipped into unruly habits, instead asked for her help and she provided warmth. It meant so much to help others, especially those wanting betterment. Felt she would NEVER give up on another. The commitment to care-taking was unrivaled.
Whyte an odd Viera, who really wasn’t. Glamoured only as her identity, laid only known by the Treasure Hunter, Captain. The product manifestation of a treasured relic that brought thoughts to life after traversing a Spiritual Ruins. She was Captain’s imaginary friend, as a child that was never given an actual vessel, she wasn’t real, if anyone else knew that... It would be her demise. Kuro convinced all Crew, she was a childhood friend from his orphanage. Unshakeable, though relic's didn’t carry all their effects, it could be cursed. Things that were buried, often proved better off this way. In the Captain’s twisted fragment, the treasure could’ve mirrored and warped her into other personality traits even outside his design.
Me-Me otherwise Gremlin referred, proved indescribable. They joined this Crew by her own volition and insistence, Captain overwhelmed with their mystique and not only really knew much about them, often they served to pull pranks although harmless, sought to amuse, get laughter out, rid gloom and replace for jolly… Or would con them out of their wealth. From everything Captain knew, Me-Me acted like a guardian. Her reasoning for joining this band was unfathomably beyond anyone. With hints and little display of prowess, they by far were the very, very, strongest.
The Final individual suspect, Captain, chose to often play blind, despite Sol’s many, nonredeemable qualities, brief instances of cruelty, over-exhausting greed. Sol Akami, was Captain’s longest known Crewmate, being among every version of Crew. They were closer than most brothers. Back to back fighting and overall growing up together. Taught under the same Founding Captain, either one of them could’ve held the inheritance of the mantle. He led mercenaries, once owning a Silverbrand, the sister to the Goldbrand; they were always on a similar page. Overcoming events that were incomprehensible to normal. Both lost at sea, struggled with sin and vices. Sol took different stances, opposing path more, traditional in piracy, brutal, take-first, everything was subject to steal, he was borderline insane some days, unpredictable, dangerously borderline a Scourge. Giving off the worst of first impressions. Each were former slaves, Sol, was taken by the Garlemald in their rise. While Captain was a prisoner inundated by land.
Just cause you know someone, doesn’t mean you really do, especially in Captain’s world of piracy, a fact that ate him up. The Seeker wanted none of them to be the traitor, but one was.
Miqo'te resurfaced from his deep thoughts. A soothing feminine voice quizzically, ���Another pour sweetie?” Scoundrel left in decision.
Loosening the hold on a drink, “Nay, thank ye though, beauty.” Paying up and choosing to walk beyond. He chose to attempt to remain resilient.
Unbeknownst to this tavern, his last time here, the miscreant acted in such a hellish manner. Brought physical pain to her that had her screaming at him, "Monster!!!" -- He overall was unpleasant to others, she didn’t even recognize him in this present-day, practically a dead man after-all. Blending into casual ware to offer concealment; his mere presence always brought pandemonium. As he departed. She collected the payment, given a additional mysterious pouch inside carried a rare jewelry that could change a life on wealth alone. Radiance, the value left a shone that reflected her most pleasant features. Confused and thinking it was a mistake, she chased after but he was long gone from visibility. The smallest token to make amends and he felt late. This gesture showed that the Pirate was determined to walk a new path that his predecessors never did. Despite unseen from her. Other studious eye’s from tavern patrons, gave pursuit and was tracking this Captain. A whiskey flask was mutually left to collect dust on the serving round-table, whoever drank this, was in the same disaster mental space of the Blackguard.
🌊 ♫The Grey♫ - Reference- Last Chapter 🌊
#Creative Writing#FFXIV#-Captain Kuro Solaire#Final Fantasy XIV#FF14#Tales of the Goldbrand#Crew#The Center 4 = The Main Suspects#TW: dark thoughts#Hit the word limit for tumblr post so couldn't add anymore unfortunately.#Old screenshots but wanted to use the Crew Faces so they had an easier time drawing to the story#Forgot to add the Bard but who makes an evil bard in 2023#>.>#Bard and Navigator = Clear#So many chapters to go but this makes 10/60#Nerdy shiz as usual#But I'm feeling my passion return#And I feel infinite because of it#Like 15 story references O_O I'm gonna try to surpass one piece in chapters at this point#Gark#Casta#Sol Akami#Whyte#Me-Me#Klethera#Slafhota Guhtgeim#Zieton Luiard XII
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talks to u
You will regret talking to me I'm very very sorry
So recently my sister has been reading out loud to me [it is very fun I wish I had someone to read out loud to] and the book she picked was Haunting on the Hill. This book was an absolute minefield of a read because it was advertised as a spiritual sequel to Haunting of Hill House and HOHH is probably one of the books I've been the most emotionally invested in ever. Mostly because I see people take the book and Try To Do It Better constantly, and they do it wrong over and over and over again. I don't know how this became My Hill To Die On, but no one can do a remix of the genre right, especially those that pretend like they're trying to.
Hell House, for example, a book that I hate with my entire being, was a very intentional stab at HOHH. It took the trope of four people -- one a slightly older gentleman who is doing research on the property -- two women -- who is a lonely homebody, and one who is a (implied) bisexual psychic -- and one younger man about their age who has some Obvious Substance Abuse Problems, and sets them in a haunted house to try and figure out why its haunted. The author then spends the rest of the book punishing those characters for obvious perceived societal slights. The old man's sin is being old, and dies because he isn't virile and strong enough to withstand the house [unlike the young male protagonist]. The psychic is punished for believing she is psychic, being a confident woman who lives alone, and being implied bisexual [this is evident in the nature of her death, which I won't share here. It's fucking bad]. Then after these characters die, the white male savior comes back, something to do with the old owner of the house haunting it with his willpower, in a closet with a glass of water? It made no sense. But the metaphor the book was obviously leaning towards was, the Good Guy can win and get the girl if he has strength of mind, is vaguely psychic [but better than the psychic lady obviously] and fucking stands around long enough while his friends are killed.
House on the Hill, which should have been marketed as a reference to Hill House and not as a spiritual successor, is a passable haunted house book that attempts to remix the story by making all of the main characters theater kids. There is an older lady who has been ousted from her community for being too old, the young woman main protagonist who is the Ellie parallel, the Theadora parallel is her girlfriend, a bisexual actress who is maybe a little too full of herself, and their single male character has a substance abuse problem involving cocaine instead of alcohol, like Luke from the original book. The author even seems to have grasped some of the original intention of HoHH as a conversation about isolation and loneliness. However about halfway through the book, it takes a turn and seems to punish Theadora for being the character she was written as, in the same way Hell House punished its Theadora allegory character. The rest of the book proceeds with a lot of standard haunted house tropes -- not a bug exactly, but they don't reinforce any extended metaphor. They're mostly there to be spooky. Which would be fine for a standard haunted house book, but not for a haunted house book that claims its the sequel to HoHH.
You see, Haunting of Hill House, and by extension, Shirley Jackson, the author, have a very subtle but also deeply impactful metaphor about loneliness going on in the background, and everything from the haunted house to the fallout of the characters reemphasizes this theme.
Ellie, Eleanor, is an exhausted housewife-style woman in the 1960s, whose never gone anywhere or done anything with her life, because instead of marrying and moving across the country somewhere, she stayed home to take care of her ailing mother. Now that her mother is dead, she lives with her sister and brother-in-law, and believes herself to be a general tax on the family. She fills stuck, alone, unloved and unwanted. The story is in her point of view, and you quickly realize her way of coping with her trapped feelings involves fantasticizing the world around her. She dreams of who she would be if she just lived over there in that little cottage, how differently her life would turn out if she had a cute little life in that one room house. Etc. When she accepts the summons to Hill House, she steals her brother in law's car and drives there on her own, her first trip alone anywhere in her entire life.
Theadora is a psychic who, if I'm remembering right, lives alone and owns a flower shop. She lives a much more interesting lifestyle than most women in the 60s, in a big city with many different friends and lovers coming and going, completely independent. There is an implication that she has trouble keeping interpersonal relationships -- she's a little too flighty -- and really a woman who can't settle down with a man is a red flag.
Doctor Montague seems fine on the surface, if a little jaded. He's a professor at university who is being slowly pushed out of his scientific field because he believes in the supernatural, and wants to prove it using empirical evidence. You find out his wife is very supportive in this venture -- too supportive. He thinks all of her contributions are nonsense, and so is she. His loneliness is self inflicted. He has a fan club right there with his wife, if he gave two shits about her opinions.
Last is Luke, an alcoholic, and the person in line to inherit Hill House. His loneliness is that he, doesn't want the fuckin' house. But because of his alcoholism and gambling problems, the family has decided he, as the cursed child, gets to take care of the cursed mansion no one else wants to touch. So Luke, ostracized from the family and a little shitty about it, decides he might as well rent out the place for some extra cash to fuel his various addictions. The family is going to be cutting him off soon anyway...
These four characters, over the course of Hill House, become haunted by the house, not because of tragic deaths there, or because the house is alive in any literal sense of the word. But because the House has the quality of an overbearing mother, smothering its children with its expectations. Any piece of furniture moved in the place is replaced as soon as they leave the room. Any door opened to allow air or light inside is shut the minute they walk into the next. The house rights itself back to a self-inflicted perfection that is unlivable, and it wants to isolate you too, to be like it. Hill House tells you exactly what it is and what it wants to do in the first paragraph: And all who walk there, walk alone.
Shirley Jackson wrote this very intentionally. As a woman in the 60s trying to have a successful writing career, none of her books were taken seriously. She was pigeonholed into mother and housewife first. Articles that wrote about her works at the time held the patronizing tone of someone congratulating a child who found a new hobby -- not a serious writer wanting to make poignant stories. Her books are lovely now, the few that were published. But Shirley Jackson lived a life that was full of anxiety and agoraphobia, in a world where she felt belittled and token. Her books are written the way they are for a reason. There is great loneliness in being shoved in a box.
I really love that exploration. I love how the people in the book descend into the box of Hill House, the expectations they place on each other, and the way all the women feel tonally dissonant in their token roles. And that's why I hate so many modern adaptations, or inspired-bys, or spiritual sequels. Hill House is a metaphor before it's a ghost story -- and that is why it succeeds as a ghost story! It is scary because you get invested in the characters' wellbeings, their doomed qualities, their individual, very subtle, madnesses. Watching new writers read the book and punish those characters over and over again for not acting right [especially Theadora, Jesus Christ.]
In fact, since I'm already ranting, I'm going to give you a quick rant in defense of Theadora.
Theadora breaks into the book as a very bright star in Ellie's world. She is, literally, everything Ellie wishes she could be. She lives an interesting life, alone, without being too cripplingly lonely. Theadora, used to a little bit of flirting and over friendliness, falls in with Ellie and Luke immediately. She is charming, and bright and beautiful, and Ellie, who's character flaw is romanticizing everything, falls head over heels for her. They get scared together. They comfort each other when the ghosts start acting up. They get haunted together. And Ellie decides, in the way of someone romanticizing something, when all this is over, she would like to live with Theo. But when she tells Theo this, Theo laughs it off. "This is just a holiday, Ellie dear. We will have to get back to our lives eventually." It's unfair to say this is a game for Theadora. I feel like her feelings in the book, all her charm and her flirting, are genuine. But they're genuine in the way of someone going on vacation and flirting around with the people they meet -- she has a normal life she enjoys that she plans on getting back to. Ellie, who is incredibly alone, and who feels like she has only just tasted happiness now that she's come to Hill House, doesn't want to go back home after this. This is the happiest she's ever been.
Ellie informs Theo she is going to follow Theo home, and Theo turns very, very mean. She starts hitting much harder on Luke [something that makes Luke uncomfortable, but something he never really stops, because Luke also likes the attention he's getting] and belittling Ellie and her wild fantasies. She pushes Ellie away. It isn't kind, but what else can she do? She told Ellie she doesn't want to be followed home and Ellie, trapped in her daydreams, doesn't listen.
The rest of the book unfolds. Hill House isolates Ellie, and makes her feel like she can have no happiness outside its smothering walls. She gets taken by it.
In every book that takes on the mantle of trying to tackle the themes that made Hill House great, I would like to ask you all this: Why do they always punish Theo?
Hell House straight up kills its Theo allegory in a very brutal, overt way, implying she deserves that brutality for her promiscuity. The House on the Hill kills its Theo for being too full of herself, for believing she was entitled to greatness.
Why?
You can make a case for the queer aspects of her probably. Or for misogyny. Or for infidelity. Or for the fact that she appears to choose Luke over her relationship with Ellie. But I notice none of these books punish their Ellie allegory for also falling for Theo. For also aspiring to be something other than a stuffy housewife somewhere. For also falling for Luke, and wanting him to be a part of her happiness fantasy.
In honesty, I really think these authors read Theo and think she's the antagonist. So they write their stories to punish the angry woman who was mean to poor, lonely Ellie. But, here's the kicker, Theadora isn't the antagonist. The house is. Loneliness is. The house leads Ellie to a perfect world, and Ellie, who is the way that she is, cannot fathom a world where that perfection is broken, so she ignores it. So she scares people with her over-attachment. So they try to send her away, because whatever is going on with her, it's not safe and it needs to stop. So she decides she would rather die than leave.
Theadora is only "the bad guy" because she's the one that reminds everyone that the fantasy of this perfect house must break eventually. The Doctor will have to go back to his university that doesn't take him seriously and his wife who takes him too seriously. Theadora will have to go back to her shop with her rotating friends who aren't as close as she'd like, but whom she can't force to stay. Luke will have to go back to his place as the unwanted, failing heir and Eleanor --
Well. Eleanor doesn't leave Hill House.
Everyone gets so mad at Theodora because of Ellie's investment in her. Because Ellie is lonely, and sad, and relatable. The first time I read Hill House, some of Ellie's lines made me want to cry they hit so close to home. All her assertions that when she spoke to people she said too much and was too stupid, she would be better tomorrow. All her quiet chastisements that she needs to be more interesting. All her attachments and how scared she is of being spurned. All her wonder when she looks around at the world and tries to imagine a better life. But it's not Theodora's fault that Ellie doesn't get that. It's Ellie's fault for becoming too attached to something that isn't there, and it sucks, and if this were a story with a happy ending, she would realize that and grow past that, but she doesn't. That's not how the story is written.
On one of the nights when the haunting happens, Ellie and Theo are sharing a room. They are laying in bed and holding hands while the house comes alive around them. Knocking on the walls. Slamming doors. Claws, and whispering, and scraping and screaming. Ellie and Theo hold each other's hands tightly. She hears the torturous sounds of a baby in the other room, a child in pain, screaming for its mother, and she's terrified and she's holding tight to Theadora's hand.
And finds, when the haunting stops, that Theo was out of reach the whole time.
Ellie asks, who's hand was I holding?
[The Haunting of Hill House is a metaphor.]
One of these days I'm going to sit down and write the Haunting of Hill House remake in my head, that I am just egotistical enough to believe I could do well. I would find a more modern metaphor first. Something to do with the loneliness of an infinitely interconnected world. Something to do with how boxed in we all feel, how trapped, and how so many people blame it on computers, even though they should be able to connect us more.
I would build a Hill House where the four characters meet on a forum, the first time they've found someone with similar interests. They would meet in person for this haunting expedition. They too would take in the oddness of a house that rights itself on its own, pretends they were never there. They two would fall in love with each other, and bond, and find community in a group of people who are constantly isolated and are glad to finally find someone they relate to.
They too would have to dear with the objective, lonely horror of realizing this doesn't magically fix their problems. That they were alone in the rest of their lives not just because the world isolated them, but because they're bad at forming connections. They would get catty, and disagree, and worry about the lives they need to go back to, and complain about spouses and partners. And one of them, as is Hill House's tithe, wouldn't be able to cope.
One of them, as is Hill House's tithe, wouldn't be able to leave.
Anyway, not sure where exactly this rant was going. Uh. Nice Sunday we're having anon. Got any niche special interests you've been meaning to unload recently?
#answering asks#anonymous#the barking writer#the haunting of hill house#the house on the hill#hell house#i feel like its worth mentioning i'm not the god of books you are welcome to disagree with me#in fact i encourage you to tell me your own takes on the books / stories if you feel the mood#except for hell house#im sorry my passion for that one still burns bright i would shred my copy but it was a library book so i returned it instead#if you like hell house i apologize i don't see it and i don't want to see it#house on the hill was fine i didn't read the whole thing but my sister did it seems like a solid spooky book#its just it really shouldn't have sold itself as a hill house book yanno?#[coughs]#anyway#uh#goodbye
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I'm half-tempted to just nuke my discord.
#i feel so inordinately petty because of this#and maybe i'm a shit person for it#but i'm just really fucking frustrated#i joined discord to try and make friends in a fandom space#and same with tumblr#and i get it#i can't make people like me#i can't make people like the stuff i make#sometimes people's personalities and interests don't align#and i know i'm not the most outgoing person#but i just feel so fucking left out and sidelined in these spaces the vast majority of the time#all the interactions and relationships feel so fucking lopsided#i hesitate to engage with other folks and share my own stuff now because of it and it's supposed to be a space where that's encouraged#i hate feeling like no one gives a shit about the things i make#especially the things i'm spending the most fucking time on and am the most passionate about#it feels like everyone is getting hyped up except me#seemingly no one reads or cares about anything i write#like i'm not even worth the time of the people i've “known” the longest even the ones that are supposedly interested in the same things#i feel like an asshole for admitting all this and for feeling this way#but i'm also just tired of trying to encourage and cheerlead for other people and not getting anything in return#i just feel so fucking lost in the crowd
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how to feel excited about my own projects again
#writeblr#i need more passion more passion more energy more energy#no but fr#i'm motivated for half an hour every three months#and then i fall back into this passionless state#it's been three years like at some point creativity and motivation have to return?#why not now?#i have four more weeks of no uni#but i'd rather scroll through instagram reels than write?#(i tried the no social media route it didn't help)#it's just with 5 senses i have no clue what should happen in that fourth arc#taoki is too difficult to write#itlot feels meh#and project 4 is nice but also a bit meh#everything feels a bit meh#then i think maybe i am not made for big projects#maybe reading and writing defined a big part of my life but the phase has ended#maybe it will return when i am sixty#and i should try a different hobby then#and sure i can go 'but every word is progress' but that's just fucking exhausting#i could write 5k a day some years ago and feel good about it and now every sentence feels like i am sacrificing my liver#and that's not a fun feeling#and if writing is supposed to be a fun hobby but writing feels like a god's punishment then why am i even doing it you know#maybe i just miss community and stuff. maybe i just need some positive social reinforcement#but guess what i need to do to get that#exactly.#rant#rie rambles#or smth
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this mansion reminds me of The Addams Family👻
#gothic#from the dust returned#the addams family#gothic mansion#my edit#gothic atmosphere#feels like i'm there#gothic passion
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for context most of my life and passion has been About Art, but i decided to pursue science as a career (reasons: curiousity, people-pleasing, just wanted to see if i Could). 7 years in and i need to finish a masters thesis but i have realised that i CANNOT ignore my heart after all, and art is and always has been my calling, and it’s impossible to repress that
so i’m just trying to finish uni and get a humble job and spend time back inside the rooms of my heart, drawing and painting and living in colour
#diary#i feel like i'm in a weird situation where my occupation is worlds away from my passion so i'm focusing my energy on#returning to my purpose#this year#:)#sometimes you have to wander off the path in order to understand why it is your path
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the stanley donen gene kelly vincente minnelli fred astaire influences in this movie are so immediately potent i'm losing my mind it really says something about me that i've watched like a dozen movies in two weeks and the two that hit me hardest are the one about the *checks notes* real life musician from the late 50s-70s where i knew the basic facts and big hits and tragic ending going in yet still attached so much to the human aspect of the story and *checks again* the romantic musical that intentionally riffs on old hollywood and the illusory draw yet necessity of dreams and is bound to be heartbreaking
#and before these two the one that got me most last year was ttb where i also knew the real story and heartbreaking ending#and in fact already knew the music itself and yet it still both shattered and consoled my heart and felt like a revelation#it's that they're all about art and music and humanity and passion and the art of making art#ur girl is sinking back into her classic hollywood and musical theatre roots i fear#i'm unwell#ironically my feelings for these movies is actually proof that i'm very firmly returning to myself#myself is just unwell <3#i have one small complaint but i shan't voice it#also i have not slept but we're pretending it's fine.#jess.mess
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Visiting my artist grandmother at the hospital, I show her my watercolour of Tom Riddle (as she taught me the basic techniques and helped me a lot –especially with my drawing of Sebastian and Ominis–)
My grandmother: Wow, that's beautiful! You're good, do you post your drawings on the internet?
Me: Yes, I do.
My grandma: With your talent, I'm sure you'll be in demand for commissions on your Harry Potter theme!
...
So, what can I say, mamie? I clearly don't have the talent to take on commissions 😂 (And what I do as art isn't that exceptional either, other artists are much more talented)
#She's so cute because when she said that she must have thought I'd get a lot of exposure thanks to my tumblr#I think she'd like me to be able to make a bit of pocket money from my passion as she does#I'm even sure that one of her dreams would be for me to exhibit my drawings with her at an art fair to sell them 😂#Except that I don't like to part with my drawings 😖#But it was so good to see her again ❤#Especially as I've been feeling powerless for 1 month now being in Paris and I could only get her on the phone#I was really looking forward to the school holidays so I could see her 🫂#slice of life the return
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one day i'm gonna make shinigami eyes for racism
#the adas speak#with a specific section for antiblackness probably#i'm genuinely quite passionate about this. bc the internet is really a shithole for racism. and it sucks to navigate as a poc#and i think this could really help a lot. even though i honestly don't plan on seriously returning to social media any time soon#i want to help other people feel safer and more comfortable when they use the internet#i feel like everyone needs Their Cause yk. and i think anti-racism and such are going to be My Cause#it's going to take a while bc I'm not really in a place where I can do that yet. but that's what i want to do
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I didn't know that trying to unlearn unhealthy ways of acting that you were brought up with would be such a long, grueling and exhausting problem to face
#kpersonal#Some things said and reactions in today's call were.. Tough#I don't want to over work! I don't want to live to work! I don't want to hate my every moment of living for work!#I was already doing so much! I don't want to burn out! I my want to lose my passion! Or my love for art! Fuck#I can't even word it. But I think I can pin point this feeling down. Guilt.#Brought up to feel that if I wasn't always earning or progressing to earning.. Then what am I doing#Well now I've named it. I need to hit this guilt down with a broom. Or a spiked bat. I don't want to return to that again#I'm scared to return to that. I done some unhealthy af things and I really don't want to be there again#It wasn't even that much of the call. Not even directly said. Some under tones and reactions and here I am thinking to this level
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I'm never not gonna be obsessed with Fantasy High because it gave me back my love for stories/storytelling after it had been eroded by years of depression and mental illness so even when I'm obsessing over something else it's always gonna trace back to Fantasy High
#I watched a Fuffy vid that was so good it made me want to throw up and now I'm in my feels about FH#I s2g if I every actually manage to write a book I will dedicate it to the cast and crew of FH#To have a passion returned to you?#What greater gift is there?#I'm crying again#I am v. mentally stable
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I'm in a roll....
The 141 in grey sweatpants. 🥵
You're in a roll? Me too. A brioche roll. Or maybe a Hawaiian roll. Or rolled inside one of Price's many cigars. Kidding (not really). I knew what you meant.
And grey sweatpants...yes please! I am salivating over here. Literally drooling. And it's only grey sweatpants. No shirts. No shoes. Just sweatpants and muscle. (my god I need to go touch grass).
These are...spicy. How could they not be? It's our favorite men in nothing but grey sweatpants.
For the masterlist and how to submit your own request, click HERE
Task Force 141 x Reader
Content & Warnings (per the warnings MDNI): established relationship, suggestive themes, swearing, invitations for sex, dirty thoughts, sexual situations, married life, fade to black
Word Count: 2k
ao3 // taglist // main masterlist // imagines & what if masterlist
John Price
“It’s bedtime. Bath. Pajamas. Teeth.”
“But Dad! Lucy and I—”
“Bed.” You grin into your glass as John ushers the children out of the living room. “Come on you two. I want to kiss your mother.”
“Ew. Gross!” the kids screech in unison.
The trio disappears down the hallway. You hear water running and the laughter of your children. John eventually emerges thirty minutes later. He runs his hand over the top of his head, sighing heavily.
When he enters the living room and notices you, he grins mischievously. His body is on full display. Broad chest with a lovely dusting of dark hair that trails downward to disappear beneath the band of his grey sweatpants. John is all thick muscle. A wall of strength. You’ve always loved that about him. How he seems to take up so much space or the way he crushes you with his body when he goes in for a snuggle.
John plops down on the sofa beside you. The moment his ass hits the cushion, John grabs for you. You giggle, playfully pushing at your husband as his weight tips you back, pinning you to the sofa.
“The kids,” you protest with a whisper.
“They’re sleeping,” he replies just as softly, keeping you pressed beneath him.
John goes in for a kiss. It is sweet. Slow. Deep. Completely indulgent. There is so much of him. And his scent is everywhere. It fills your lungs. Makes you weak.
Your lips part and John slips his tongue inside. You start to soften, to lean into his kisses. Each is salt-laced passion. A tease for later. He might have you pinned against the couch, and his tongue down your throat, but John will move this behind a locked door.
As John goes in for another kiss, the sound of a door unlatching comes from the hall. John freezes and you go still beneath him.
“Fucking hell,” he mutters.
Pushing up to a more seated position, John addresses the offender with a raised voice. “You best be in bed.”
There’s a gentle squeak, and then a door closing.
John sinks back down, resting his forehead against yours. He sighs heavily, and you give him a quick kiss. He returns it, and then snakes an arm under your back. He hauls you up and into his lap. You straddle him, hands pressed against his firm chest.
Through the sweatpants, you can feel his hardness pressing against your thigh. John’s hands roam downward to cup your buttocks, squeezing.
“Ready to take this elsewhere?” he asks, grinding his hips upward.
You have to stifle a moan.
“Please, John.”
With a light slap to your ass, he lifts you off his lap and onto your feet. The ground is solid. Steady. But then John’s hands return, and then you’re away, being guided down the hall to your bedroom.
Kyle "Gaz" Garrick
You snuggle into the couch and crack open your paperback book.
Everything is in order. You have a glass of wine, a bowl of snacks, the tableside lamp on, and a cozy blanket. It’s late, but it’s officially the weekend. There will be plenty of time to relax.
“Reading out here?”
You glance up, and find Kyle in the entrance of the hallway, leaning against the wall. He’s shirtless. Without shoes. Just him, his freshly showered skin, and a pair of grey sweatpants. Kyle absently scratches at his chiseled stomach, head slightly tilted as he waits for your answer.
You can’t help but focus in on every line of muscle.
“Babe,” he prompts, laughing.
“Sorry?” you reply, blinking.
Kyle laughs again, the sound sweet. He strides forward, coming to a stop beside the sofa. He taps the side of his mouth. “Got some drool.”
“Oh, fuck off,” you giggle, checking with a quick wipe with the back of your hand.
Kyle’s smile is infectious. You can’t help but match it.
“Can I join you?” he asks, already lifting the blanket.
“You’re not going out with the boys?”
Kyle shakes his head. With one hand he lifts the blanket, and with the other he grabs your legs and lifts. He slides in, and drapes your legs over his lap before returning the blanket to drape over your body. Keeping one hand under the blanket, Kyle rests his hand on your inner thigh. It stirs heat in your core.
“Tomorrow,” he yawns. “Simon has a sick kid.”
“Bummer.”
Kyle shrugs, draping his over arm over the back of the couch. His hand on your thigh is a brand, and it’s only made worse when he starts massaging.
“Is it a spicy one?” asks Kyle, nodding toward your book.
Yes.
“Maybe,” you say slowly.
Kyle smirks, and then the book is out of your hand.
“Kyle!” You reach for it, but he twists, blocking your forward momentum.
He examines the pages in front of him. Heat rushes into your cheeks. As he reads, his eyes widen.
Kyle’s mouth drops open.
“What?” you prompt. You try to snag the book but he blocks you.
He glances at you. “Are you aware of where he’s putting that gun?”
“It’s fictional.”
“When you ask me to recreate things—”
“Kyle—”
“—is this what you’re talking about?” His gaze goes from you to the book and then to you again. “I’m down for a lot of things, love, but I’m not sure I’m down for that.”
Pushing off from the couch, you snatch the book out of Kyle’s hands. He surrenders it easily, a smile on his perfect face. The blanket is a crumbled mess beside him, but that’s not what you’re focused on.
The grey sweatpants have shifted, exposing more of the deep v of his pelvis. But it’s not just that. Kyle is hard. That is very clear.
He leans against the back of the couch, throwing both arms out to rest over the top. Flexing his hips, Kyle puts himself on display.
“I’ve got something else I can put inside you.”
John "Soap" MacTavish
A delighted shriek comes from the kitchen.
Johnny emerges, completely unbothered even with the two children in his arms. He has the oldest child, who just turned five, sideways and tucked under one arm. The boy has a wicked smile of his face even as he wiggles, trying to free himself from his father’s grasp. It’s fruitless.
The other child, a boy of three, keeps shrieking with delight even as Johnny lifts him into the air by his ankle. He is upside down, arms flailing, his brown hair hanging below him.
Johnny doesn’t even blink. Doesn’t even break a sweat. He carries the two of them like it’s nothing.
He’s almost completely naked except for a pair of grey sweatpants that hang low on his hips. They show off the deep v of his pelvis, and the dusting of dark hair that spreads over his chest and descends downward. You’ve touched that chest so many times. You know it as well as you know yourself.
Johnny’s gaze is on the television, watching the football match. The kids still shriek and playfully claw at him. But he remains unbothered.
Sitting there on the sofa, you consider that a third kid might not be so bad. You’d give him a small army if he asked.
Johnny glances away from the television, and when his gaze lands on you, it is entirely knowing. Heat curls in your belly, and his smile widens.
“Found these gremlins digging in the pantry,” he says, indicating the kids by hoisting the three-year old higher into the air and squeezing the other tighter against him.
Both kids giggle manically.
“After brushing their teeth.” Johnny tuts. “What’s to be done?”
Both children continue to giggle, not answering their father.
“Sounds like it’s time for bed,” you muse.
The children groan.
“But I’m not tired,” moans the five-year old.
“Too bad,” laughs Johnny. “Come on.”
He doesn’t put them down. He carries them like that all the way to their bedroom. Even from your spot on the sofa, you can hear their manic giggling. After a while, it quiets down, and Johnny emerges from the hall.
Instead of sitting down on the couch next to you, he grabs the remote and shuts off the television.
“Not interested in the game?” you ask.
“Nope. Want something else.”
His sultry smile tells you enough.
Slowly, he approaches, coming to a stop in front of you. He offers his hand, and you take it. With little effort, Johnny brings you to your feet, and hauls you close. Your free hand immediately rises, pressing against his chiseled stomach.
“What is it that you want?” you murmur, already knowing the answer.
His hardness presses against your belly, his voice going low and gravelly as he speaks. “I’d like to spend some time between those gorgeous thighs.”
“Doing what?”
“Whatever I very well please.”
Simon "Ghost" Riley
This is agony. A terrible joke.
Simon is right there. Sweaty. Shirtless. In nothing but a pair of grey sweatpants.
He’s completely in the zone. Heavy metal blares through the stereo’s speakers, drowning out the sound of his gloved fists striking the punching bag. Morning light pours in from the open window, giving Simon an ethereal glow.
You watch from the doorway, chewing on your bottom lip, wanting nothing more than to pounce on him. Simon is all muscle, and not in a gym rat way. He is thick everywhere. You want to lick the sweat from his skin, to drop to your knees before him, and tug those grey sweatpants down.
You know what you’d find. And it sounds delicious.
But he is in the zone. And you won’t disturb him.
Pushing down the naughty thoughts, you start to turn away, to return to the kitchen and find something to eat for breakfast.
The music abruptly cuts off.
“See something you like, love?”
Simon’s raspy voice draws you back to the room. With one hand on the doorframe, you meet his gaze, and promptly melt into the floor. He has a cocky grin on his face, and his shoulders heave slightly from exhaustion.
You lick your lips. “Always,” you reply, fingers digging into the wood.
Simon’s gaze scans you. You feel exposed, like he can see through your clothes. It’s knowing. Amused.
“What is it?” you prompt, staring just as hard as he is.
Simon removes one glove and then the other. He tosses them to the side, never taking his eyes off you.
“Come here,” he says.
You don’t move.
Simon arches a single eyebrow. Instead of repeating himself, he gestures with one finger, indicating that he wants you to come to him.
Heat rushes from your cheeks down to your toes. Slowly, you peel yourself away from the door, heading for him. Simon’s natural swagger is alluring, and those sweatpants sit so low.
Just one tug. That’s all it would take. And you’d be able to take him in your mouth.
As you approach, Simon reaches out, grabbing your waist, tugging you close to him. You instinctually hook your finger in the waistband of his grey sweatpants.
Simon smirks.
You inhale deeply, savoring the manly musk of him.
“Hungry?” he asks.
“Not for breakfast,” you sigh.
“For something else then?”
You nod.
Simon leans in but doesn’t kiss you. He holds back slightly, lips curved into a hint of a smile. “Want to hear what I have in mind?”
“Yes,” you breathe.
Simon presses his thumb on your bottom lip. “I can fill that mouth.” His thumb drops away from your lips, and trails over your chin before brushing over your stomach. “And belly.”
His gaze stays on you. “What do you think of that, love?”
taglist:
@km-ffluv @glitterypirateduck @tiredmetalenthusiast @miaraei @cherryofdeath
@enarien @saoirse06 @ferns-fics @unhinged-reader-36 @miss-mistinguett
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#task force 141 x reader#task force 141 imagine#task force 141#task force 141 fanfic#task force 141 fic#task force 141 x female reader#task force 141 x you#task force 141 smut#simon ghost riley fanfiction#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon riley fanfic#simon ghost riley fanfic#simon ghost riley#captain john price x reader#john price x reader#john mactavish fanfiction#captain john price#john soap mactavish#john price#john price cod#soap call of duty#soap cod#soap mw2#soap mactavish#gaz smut#cw: suggestive#cw: smut#dad!141
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Simon Riley aka Ghost has returned home from work— his muscles sore and fingers cramped from the drills he had to teach the subordinates. It's not unusual, more so common than not seeing his position. He was passionate about his job, you could tell the way Simon Riley put his all into it, day in and day out.
Yet, that wasn't the only thing he was passionate about...nor was it the only thing he put his all into.
"f-fuck~" you moan out, hands slipping on the smooth marble counter, fingers scratching at the surface as your pushed forward. An ache settling in your mid abdomen from the counter being pressed against it.
"mhm..." Ghost groans, palming your right ass cheek before delivering a loud smack to it, "just like that," he encourages whilst his hips slam against your backside, slithering the same hand up to encircle your engorged hips, "take it just like that."
The deep velvety tone of his voice does nothing to help the slick trail dampening your inner thighs and lubricating you where you needed it the most.
With each push and pull you could feel the knot in your stomach growing— the pressure building up is unbearable in the best way.
You lean on your pointed toes, driving yourself farther up the counter in an attempt to put some distance between you and the pleasure.
"too much.." You whimper when your stomach starts to cave and your legs start to shake.
Ghost is quick to grab the back of your neck, pulling you back until you settle against his chest.
clicking his tongue, "you were doing so good." You hear him mumble closely to your right ear, lips brushing against your lobe "you want me to stop?" He questions rhetorically, settling into a slower pace.
"No!" You shake your head hastily—you never wanted him to stop—you try to push your pelvis back against his throbbing cock but the hand on your hip halts your movements.
A tremble sets into your body as you feel him pull all the way out until your pussy could only flutter against the tip.
"No?" He questions, circling the hand on the back of your neck to the front, grasping it firmly and angling your face towards his, "but you said too much." He teases, easing only a portion of his cock into your sopping cunt.
A chill slides down your spine at his dark unwavering gaze, "don't stop." You whine, desperation painting your face.
Ghost looks at you expectantly— he wasn't one to give commands to, if you wanted something you had to ask, or beg.
"please!" Your ass impatiently wiggles against his lower half but you couldn't back up enough to get what you craved, "please, I'm sorry! Please don't stop!" You beg him shamelessly, apologizing without reason.
Your body suddenly lurches forward, breath catching in your throat as he impales you with his cock, a groan leaving his lips as your cunt greedily welcomes him back.
"Then stop running."
𝐃𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐚���𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬: @deunmiu-dessie (I'm taking my ass to sleep friend but I owed you🩵)
𝐁𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫/𝐃𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫: @cafekitsune @pwixi
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Bewitched
˖⋆࿐��� james logan howlett ✦ bridgerton au series
bewitched masterlist
cw: 1800s mentality on marriage and women, pinning, bickering, enemies to lovers
pairing: viscount!logan howlett x fem!reader
a/n: as of right now, i'm not sure how long this series will be but i'm so excited for it! i tried to make the reader as universal as possible but i did have to give her some sort of last name, so if that isn't your thing, you can always change it to fit. after the set up, i'll probably drop the last name.
bridgerton lore: ton (high society), debuting (when you begin dating/looking for a partner), spinster (an unmarried woman)
main masterlist
in early june, everyone returned back to england for this season and whispers of a french woman joining the ton spread around. one morning at breakfast, marie howlett was reading one of the gossip columns aloud to her family when her eldest brother, james walked into join them at the table.
"it says she's staying with her aunt, lady worthington. she is four and twenty and the only child. her passions are literature and painting. apparently, the queen has one of her paintings in her home..."
"she sounds lovely. doesn't she, james?" their mother said, hoping her boy was listening.
"she's a spinster." he says, eating some of the fruit on the table. "that's not viscountess material."
"the queen seems to find her to be diamond material." marie jabs.
james has never fallen for one of the diamonds. sure, their beauty is prominent and sometimes they can hold an intellectual conversation but for the most part they are simply shoved forward so the queen can take credit for their marriage.
"i have more important priorities this season."
"well, this season you should prioritize finding a viscountess." their mother bit at him.
during this time every year his mother gives james the same speech over and over again. the marriage speech. ever since his father died during battle, james has been plagued with not only his grief but also the weight of replacing his father and eventually having to find a replacement for his mother as well. instead of focusing on marriage, james kept himself busy either working or traveling and keeping his family afloat.
"mama, i promise i will find a wife at some point." james sighs. "i just haven't met anyone that can handle being my viscountess."
"what about the red headed girl from last season? you seemed to fancy her quite a bit."
"she married lord summers this past spring."
"and the munroe girl?"
"she's interested in mister brooks."
all his mother does is sigh in response to the news. he takes this as the perfect chance to escape the interrogation.
luckily for james, there was always an excuse to avoid marriage. in the past he's gotten close to making that walk down the aisle but something always held him back. he's never believed much in love or marriage past it's convenience. sure, he believed it was the blueprint of life, to take a wife and start a family but his marriage is seen as a much bigger deal.
all the mamas in the ton were practically throwing their daughters in his direction. at balls, he's always forcing marie to dance with him because if not, he will be forced to socialize with these young unintellectual girls who only value him for his money and title. james didn't want to have to nurture these girls. he would take care of his wife but he wanted someone who was independent from him.
ever since his father died in the war, james has always been guarded of his feelings. especially, when it came to love. when he went with his mother to identify his father's body, james swore on that day that he would never let love destroy him like it did his mother.
"remember, marie is debuting tonight at the first ball of the season." his mother called after him. "don't be late."
"i wouldn't miss it." he smiles at his little sister before dashing out the door and back to his study.
˖⋆࿐໋
a rainbow of silks are spread across your bed as you try to figure out what to wear tonight. if your mother was here, she would know exactly what would look best on you. it's only been three months since her passing yet the ache in your chest grows stronger day by day.
"what are you thinking of wearing tonight?" your aunt asks, lingering in the doorway.
"i'm not sure yet." you sigh, picking at the pretty gowns. "i like the light blue one."
arguably, it was the prettiest in the pile. so simple, you hoped to blend in among the wash of colors in the room tonight. the boning of the corset poked the left side of your ribs a little but beauty is pain.
as you got ready, the nerves started to kick in. by now you should be on your second or third child and pregnant with the next. why was love taking so long to find you?
ever since you were a little girl, you were a hopeless romantic. dreaming of your first kiss and getting married to your knight in shining armor. back home, there was a cruel joke that you were the girl before the wife. you get just close enough before they end it. afraid that the curse would travel with you.
"don't worry." you aunt hums, brushing your hair. "the queen picked you as her diamond for a reason."
"i know, i know." you nod, avoiding your reflection in the mirror. "i just wish mother was here with me."
"i do too, dear."
"she should've seen me married."
a small tear rolls down your pink painted cheeks. it feels like you let her down by not taking a husband before her illness got worse.
men have it so easy. there's no pressure from society put on them. you can marry at fifty to a nineteen year old if you so please because you know that they will marry you out of fear and desperation.
"who says she can't?" your aunts smile reflected in the mirror. "she's still looking down on you, probably working on sending you a lord or a duke for a husband as we speak."
"amusing." you giggle.
"imagine a viscount or a prince!"
both of you laugh at the possibility. viscounts and princes were usually swept up quickly in high society. all of them probably have pregnant wives by now.
"don't get too ahead of yourself."
˖⋆࿐໋
the queens ball was unlike anything you had ever seen. beautiful gardens, bright lights, and people gathered everywhere. inside the ballroom, the chandelier lights almost blind you.
like a hawk, lady chamberlain spots you two. she is an older lady and a close family friend. you haven't seen her since you were a little girl, surprised that she was able to recognize you.
"lady worthington and miss bowery, lovely to see you here!" the woman smiled, wrapping her arms around both of you.
"hello, lady chamberlain." you smile, feeling slightly at ease seeing a familiar face here.
"you look marvelous, sweetie." she smiles, taking in your appearance. at least someone appreciated all the bells and whistles that went into your dress for this evening. "truly like a diamond."
"thank you." you curtsy. a warm rose color rises to the surface of your cheeks at her compliment.
"let's go find that viscount i've told your aunt about." she says.
suddenly, she's pulling you and your aunt over to meet everyone.
quite some time has passed and yet you've only met barton's and a few lords. from one eligible bachelor to the next, it was the same process. you introduce yourself, dance, ask a bit about each other, jump into talks of marriage and children. it was all a bit overwhelming to say the least.
there's no news on a prince yet but lady chamberlain was holding out for a viscount while your aunt held out for a duke. meanwhile, you just needed someone with charm and charisma to save you from these godawful men of the ton.
"i'm going to get a drink." you announce, one the music ends.
in one of the dim corners of the room there was a refreshment table where you poured a hefty amount of wine into your glass and down as much of it –in a very unlady like manner– as you could before another person could find you.
it wasn't long until someone behind you clears their voice loudly.
"i was unaware that they taught women to drink like soldiers in france..."
you spin around quickly to face the man in front of you. he is gorgeous and... huge. dawned in white puffy shirt and a tight black vest with detailed buttons. he towered over you intimidatingly with a small smirk creeping on his lips from shocked expression.
"i-i deeply apologize, my lord. it was just grape juice." you laugh nervously, avoiding his piercing stare.
"hm..." he hums, lifting his hand up and letting his thumb swiftly glide under your lip to catch the bit of liquid there. you watch in awe as he licks the bit of wine off his thumb with a soft groan. "they must make 'grape juice' different in france."
never in your whole life have you been left so speechless. a gentleman has never done more so than touch your hand, let alone act so scandalous. with a satisfied smirk, the man walks away to join a small group of young women. thank goodness that no one seemed to have noticed.
"miss bowery!" lady chamberlain called after you. "i want you to come meet the howletts."
swiftly, you get back to her as she approach a mother and daughter. both of them were stunningly and wore expensive looking gowns with luxurious jewels. lady chamberlains wide smile only made you grow more anxious.
"meet lady howlett and her daughter, the honorable, marie howlett." lady chamberlain introduced.
"lovely to meet you." you say, bowing gracefully before them.
"where is viscount james?" lady chamberlain asks.
"oh! he should be around here somewhere..." the woman looked behind the two of you until she flagged someone down. “there he is!”
the moment that you looked up at the viscount, you feared your heart might explode right then and there. silently pray to the gods above that he won't mention your previous encounter.
"miss bowery, this is my son, viscount james logan howlett." lady howlett announces proudly.
"what a pleasure to meet you, miss bowery." james smirked, trying to get a rise out of you.
"as is it for me, my lord." you curtsy politely, feeling hot under his gaze.
a cloud of lust fogs james mind at the words, my lord fell from your pretty, slightly berry colored lips. the lower his eyes drift from your face, the tighter his trousers get. every exquisite curve is highlighted by the way that the silk fell on your frame, reminding him of the goddesses he had only seen in the finest of paintings.
"might you wish to accompany me to a dance?" he asks, extending his hand to you.
you nod, offering him your gloved hand in return.
the two of you make your way to the dance floor with everyone else. the orchestra begins and you quickly fall in sync with each other.
"how are you enjoying england?" james asks.
"it's quite lovely." you lie.
"better than france?" he questioned with a small tilt of his head.
"no." you giggle softly. "nowhere on earth is better than home."
"i suppose i cannot argue with that."
"have you journed to france?"
"once. when i was younger, i went with my father. he loved france."
"that's why my mother left england. she fell in love with my father when she visited france."
"they must be true romantics."
"oh, most definitely." you smile.
carefully, logan spins you twice. never letting you stumble over your own two feet like most men would.
"i truly am sorry for earlier, my lord. that was completely unacceptable for a–"
"it's alright, sweetheart." the viscount cut you off with a chuckle. "your secret is safe with me."
james looks down to see your big round eyes sparkle up at him with great appreciation. there's a unique feeling blooming deep in his chest that he can't quite put his finger on.
"i heard from some mamas that you are seeking to wed this season." you say, looking elsewhere as the two of you pull apart.
"seeking is such a complex word." he sighs amusingly.
"i imagine it would be difficult to find a future viscountess."
"you have no idea."
all around you, you can see the women openly fawning over the viscount. some fan themselves while other clutch their jewels with either anger at you or lust for him. any of those women would duel to be in your shoes right now.
"do you have a desire to be viscountess?" his question made your heartbeat increase, pounding in your chest.
as a young girl, you watched your family struggle in order to survive so it would be a lie to say that you don't dream of having a title. you have a father back in france to take care of in his elderly age. but love was your main desire. you would marry a sweet common man as long as he loved you.
"i desire to be loved." you tell him.
the answer caught james off guard. the women of the ton had no issue telling him to his face that they want his tittle or money. none of those women actually cared about love.
"well, my darling, you are quite the fool to be seeking out something as pure as love in a place such as this." james says, pulling you so close that you can feel his heartbeat in his chest and his eyes darken.
"don't be so cock-sure, viscount howlett. i am no fool at all." you glare angrily up at him. "i wish you well on your journey to find such a bird-witted viscountess."
the song ends and you are quick to make an exit. hot on your heels, james follows you outside. perhaps you shouldn't have insulted the viscount to his face but you didn't quite care anymore. this night has been a bust and you aren't any closer to marriage then you were before walking in here.
"miss, bowery..." a man calls, capturing your attention. "would you accompany me to a dance?"
based on the man's appearance, he seems even more important that the viscount. he was definitely the opposite of james. this man wore light grey in places where james wore black. this man had a sweet smile where james had a scowl.
"her dance card is full." the voice behind you threatened.
the gentleman's face fell a little.
"actually, i have one last spot open on my dance card." you smile, showing him the tag tied to your right wrist which had exactly one spot open. "i would love to accompany you..."
"prince harrison." he grins.
you hum, offering your hand. the prince leans down and kissed your gloved fingers before sweeping you off to the dance floor again.
james fumed as he watched you walk away with the prince. lady howlett spots her son alone and walks over to him.
“please tell me that you did not scare off this seasons diamond, james.” lady howlett asked in a low whisper.
“i’m gonna call a carriage” he growls, annoyed.
“dear!”
his mother called after him but he couldn’t care to turn around and stay here any longer.
˖⋆࿐໋
on the carriage ride alone, james is stuck with the image of you. your beauty and the pain in your eyes when james called you a fool. oddly enough, james enjoyed the way you bit back at him. he just wishes that he hadn’t offended you.
apparently you must not be that hurt if you accepted a dance from harrison of all people. not because he wanted to court you but because harrison was barely considered a prince and was a poor excuse of a man. never having to lift a finger a day in his life. never knowing a single struggle. the prince was insufferable.
perhaps it was in james best interest to forget about the beautiful woman he met this evening. she is this seasons diamond after all, desired by too many. james wasn't known to chase the things he desired.
──★
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Can't do it better
posted on AO3 but im also going to post it here. first sevika fic aaa.
warnings: top sevika, teasing, strapping, riding, multiple orgasms, mean sevika, aftercare, soft sevika, porn what plot, F!reader
Sevika's fingers trailed down your spine, sending a shiver through your body. She was still in that teasing stage of sex, where half her strap was inside you. She was just waiting for the right moment to push the rest of herself inside. You tremble because you know that she knows you love the teasing.
She thrusts with half the length, deciding to drag out the teasing even more. You groan against the pillow your face is pressed into. She echoes your groan, but there is a mocking tone to it. She grabs your hips, pulling your ass higher which pulls you a little further on her strap.
The extra inch of her dick brushing inside you makes you lose control for just a moment but that's all that it takes. You push your hips back to take more of her. Her hands stop your hips after you get another inch inside of you.
She lets out a disappointed sigh, "Oh no, baby.. Do you think you can fuck yourself better than I can?"
You gasp, having been caught and in deep shit.
"I'm sorry. Sevika-"
You're cut off when she hooks her left arm under your torso and pulls you up so you're on your knees with her still inside of you. She repositions herself, remaining kneeled but her thighs are on either side of yours. She pulls your hips down then her arms move back to support her weight from behind.
"Go on, baby," She coos.
"What?"
"Fuck youself on my dick."
You push your hips back, a moan coming from you almost immediately. You just cannot dig yourself out of the hole you created.
"You gotta keep going, baby." Sevika is being evil, speaking that tone. The one that is equally demeaning and sweet.
You grind your hips, trying to find momentum but each time you shift yourself down on her dick you shudder and pause. She always feels so good inside of you. But you know there is something missing.
"Sevika," you whine, "Please. I can't fuck myself like you fuck me."
She flat out ignores the plea and the confession. "Faster."
Pathetic little noises leave you as you obey her order and begin to thrust your hips properly back onto her strap. You moan again and try to push yourself all the way down her length but you end up short.
"If you wanted me that deep, you should’ve let me fuck you," she growls. If her tone is any indication, she is losing her own control.
"Please please, Sevika. It's not enough. I need you."
But again, she ignores your begging. She must not understand. Having her inside you was getting you so close but all you really needed was to be hers. You needed to be taken.
"I can't cum without you claiming me," you admit. You think your confession is pathetic. Sevika thinks it's the hottest, sweetest thing in the world. You swear you can feel her shudder through the strap.
Without warning, she pulls out. She turns you over, pushing you into the mattress on your back. She takes her usual place between your thighs. She grabs her strap and slides it through your folds, teasing but not entering. She is watching the display while you are watching her. She is in complete awe. She pauses her teasing, biting her cheek to hold in a groan then leans over to grab something from the bedside drawer. The one with several toys and accessories you keep closeby.
You hear shuffling and one item is set on the dresser. She returns to her position before you can question it. She ducks down for a kiss, giving you a little bit of sweet affection before claiming you. The both of you moan into each other's mouths, enjoying the passion preceding your pleasure.
Sevika is the one to pull away. She has to see your face when she enters you. You're so wet it only takes some repositioning of her hips for her to slide inside. Half the length slips right in before Sevika can resist the suction of your pussy.
"Oh," both of you moan. Sevika is set on completing her earlier mission, making you wait to take her full length. And there is no way you'll ruin it now. You clenched around her as she forced you to be patient. Sevika pushed herself to the hilt in after a short wait, not able to resist all the ways she wants to make you lose your mind.
"Sevika!" your shout echoes off the walls and your arm reaches up to grab onto her. Your fingers end up digging into her shoulder. You wait for her to begin moving but she doesn't so you whine at her. Pouting is not the most effective tactic on Sevika but you're so horny you can't think to do anything else.
"I just have to take a moment," her voice is as teasing as it gets. You look up at her to pout more but what you see is her using one hand to tighten the straps on her harness, pulling it tighter on her hips. Before you can even react, she begins thrusting.
She fucks with a power that is so special to her. She isn't going full force, starting at a comfortable pace but there is desire and carnality behind her thrusts. Each push and pull of her hips is so deliberate and precise. Thrusts meant to make you contort for her. Her pace doesn't slow or quicken, but she does reposition your legs whenever you get close to cramping.
The steady stimulation works you up, the notes of an orgasm beginning in your abdomen. "Sev.." you don't finish moaning her name when her lips find yours. There's only one word for it, possessive. Her teeth nip your lips between harsh kisses.
"That's right," she huffs between kisses. The snapping of her hips increases in speed. She reattaches your lips. The new stimulation adds harmony to the impending orgasm. With a couple more thrusts, you're cumming for her. Your orgasm drowns over any other noise, playing its own tune through your body. Sevika hears you reacting beneath her but she doesn't relent.
"Sev! I'm cumming!" You groaned into her mouth.
"Your legs aren't shaking. So I don't care." Her hips continue their pace through your orgasm and don't stop after you're done. She pauses for a moment and you think you've been spared then she pushes up and hooks your ankles over her shoulder.
She resumes her thrusting but now it's messy, uncoordinated, quick thrusts. She needs this. And evidently so do you because less than a minute later you're cumming again, tears leaking from your eyes, legs shaking.
It's a sight for Sevika, really. Your pussy convulses and cream coats her strap. Your skin is hot, your eyes are rolled back, eyelids fluttering. Your breasts bouncing as she fucks you. She is sure if she looked behind her, your toes would be curled. Pressing a kiss to your calf, she orgasms with you, her's lasting noticeably shorter.
"There you go. Now you're really cumming." She says as she watches you come down from your high. With a warning she pulls out then presses another kiss to your calf before exiting the position. She moves to stand on the side of the bed, loosening her harness and slipping it off. Next, she is bending down to grab your face in both hands and kiss you. There are three words you would use to describe this kiss; caring, passionate, possessive. She is the one to pull away. She has a task she needs to complete.
"Want a massage, baby?" She purrs.
"Hmm?"
She picks up the item she retrieved from the dresser earlier, which you completely forgot about. It was a massage oil, purchased a couple months back. The massage oil was really only ever used for aftercare. Not only that, but it was only ever used if Sevika really needed the aftercare. So of course, you accept the offer.
Sevika had explained it to you before. That she needs to take care of you after sex because she has to reassure herself that you know she cares. It's a bit hard for her to believe you trust she cares about you more than anything especially when you get into intense scenes.
"I knew I was going to be rough, hence me getting out the bottle beforehand, but…,” she pauses and shakes her head, “I said 'I don't care' to you during that. It's getting to my head a bit," she admits.
She moves to your left thigh and drops some of the oil onto your skin, then rubs it in with her flesh hand. Her way of avoiding eye contact. She hates having to be vulnerable and having someone look her in the eye at the same time. So you compromise.
"Sev, you know me so well. You know exactly what to do to make me cum as hard as possible. And you know exactly what to say. You did everything you knew to do to give me that best orgasm. And you did. I'd say that's really caring." Your words do reassure her, as they always do.
"Thanks. You're... perfect." She sighs. She feels much better but still wants to take care of her girl, "Whatever you want, baby, let me know. I really want to take care of you tonight."
"You already are, Sev."
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the one where he wants you again
s2!rafe x reader
rafe was pissed at himself. was he really that dumb to dump you so quickly? you were his bunny, his princess; if he asked you to jump, you would ask him how high. you were his. he didn't deserve you. but, God, he wanted you so badly. he needed you not only for your perfect body but because you did what others couldn't. he'd never tell himself that he loves you, but he does.
it was almost like an obsession. something about you that made him needy for you. something that made you a guilty pleasure for him. you are the only one who has ever made him think of a future. marriage, babies, anniversaries. all things that meant forever.
but rafe was scared. he was scared that one day you'll leave him. one day you'll listen to others and think his too crazy to be with. so he ended it before you could. now his sitting at this party after 10+ shots thinking of you while your smiling and giggling with a damn pogue right in front of his face.
you made it seem like you were okay but you were feeling just as sad as him. but you'd never say it. you want rafe to learn that there are consequences to actions. it took a lot for you not to jump into his lap and wrap your arms around his neck and kiss all over him, but rafe need a lesson. you are a gift, and he needs to treat you as such.
"y/n you there," pope says snapping his fingers in you face. "are you still thinking about rafe." yes. "if you want him so bad just tell him, maybe he'll change." no, you don't know rafe. you say to yourself.
"he's special to me, pope," you groan, annoyed at how bad you want him. "i can't just jump in his lap and play house with him. he hurt me, pope," you say feeling those familiar eyes watching you. "but, God, he looks so good," you complain looking at rafe out of the side of your eyes.
rafe couldn't take it anymore. he needed his bunny back. "pogue leave," rafe says sneaking up behind you and staring daggers at pope. "kook business so go," rafe rudely commands.
"rafe, stop being disrespectful," you turn around angrily. "his name is pope, and if you need to speak to me, you ask me nicely and take me aside. but you will not disrespect my friend." you say, turning back to pope, who is shocked. "i'm sorry, pope, I'll see you tomorrow at john b's party."
"it's fine, y/n, I'll see you tomorrow," pope says, still shaken up, walking away. you turn back around to an embarrassed rafe, as you gaze upon him his cockiness returns.
"so just because i dumped you doesn't mean, you come to this party looking like that," rafe gestures to your tight, short white dress looking like heaven on earth. "i told you that you can only wear that when you come to parties with me."
"um let me get this straight," you start. "you dumped me two days rafe, two days before my birthday, with some dumb excuse that ward didn't want you to be with me," you say, getting angry all over again. "then i see ward at the country club saying that he loved that rafe decide to date me because i make rafe a better person. so if i want to dress slutty, i can and you cant do any thing about it."
before you storm off, rafe gently grabs your arm, pulling you to his chest. rafe was not going to let you leave this time. "don't do it, bunny," rafe whispers in you ear. "i messed up, baby. and i miss you. please don't do this," rafe pleads with his cool minty breath blowing in your ear. "please, princess, please." he's doing it again the begging thing that you love. everything felt so intense.
you fed up with the neediness pull rafe in by his neck and give him a quick but passionate peck on the lips. "rafe, you have to promise me, that you will try to do better," you order him, caressing the back of his neck. "i love you but you can't keep pushing me away," you say looking into his blue eyes.
rafe needs you. rafe wants you and only you. rafe gently nods his head, leaning down to give you another peck on the lips, mumbling an 'i love you.'
"come on, baby, let's go back to tannyhill and take a bath," you say to a love-struck rafe. "then we can talk more tomorrow, okay?" you finish.
"yes, princess, whatever you want," rafe agrees, pulling your hand out of topper's house. even though he messed up, you can't possibly give up on him.
#rafe obx#rafe cameron#rafe x you#rafe x reader#rafe imagine#rafe outer banks#outerbanks rafe#rafe#rafe x y/n
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