#But I think it is basically always the same character but different fonts

[newtdoods]

Don‘t you love it when you have a comfort character and just copy and paste their personality to be like them? Yeah me too

[someonelookingpraediti]

Special Editions

All for the Game Rainbow Crate Edition

It's been the best part of a year since I last did an unboxing post. I have still been receiving subscription boxes, and I've even been taking photos of them, with the intention of catching up on my blog posts, but it's now been so long that the idea of sitting down and catching up on ten months of posts is just too daunting.

So I'm just going to forget all the ones I've missed, and start afresh.

And here it is - the big one. Rainbow Crate's hardback editions of the original "All for the Game" trilogy!

There's been a lot of complaints online about these - they were a lot of money, and people have been really disappointed. But I have to say, I am so, so impressed with these books!

The reason people are complaining is that there are some printing errors on the dust jackets. Basically, some of the information on the flaps is wrong, and the blurbs have been mixed around. But it's only the dust jackets that are wrong, and that is such an easy fix.

And Rainbow Crate handled it really well, in my opinion. Before I'd even received my books, I had an email from them with a form to order replacement dust jackets for free. An easy solution.

I can't help but compare this to the last set of messed-up special editions I received, which was The Raven Cycle by Owlcrate. They had the exact same issue - the dust jackets were misprinted. For them, it was the colour that was wrong - they'd been printed green instead of blue. But instead of reprinting the dust jackets, they refused to acknowledge their mistake, and brushed people off.

Looking back, I really do think that was what made me lose my passion for this blog, and consequentially, for reading in general. I've really struggled to find joy in it ever since, and have moved on to new things. I just spent so much time stewing over it, that I got into a really bad mindset.

But maybe these Rainbow Crate editions will save me!

Dust Jackets:

I have to say, when they first announced their jacket design, I wasn't that excited about it. But it has grown on me, and I really like it now, despite the fact that it looks more like Enhypen fanart than Foxes artwork! Rainbow Crate also changed the jacket font after they went on sale. I don't know why they made the change after the artwork had already been finalised, but it made such a huge difference! The artwork looks so much better with the new, bolder font.

The inside of the jackets have the original (terrible) self-published cover designs, but they're sharper and foiled and not off-centre, so actually they somehow look professional?! I'm impressed that they managed to save those designs! The originals were awful, but the Rainbow Crate versions look nice!

Hardcase:

I actually almost wish that I had ordered two copies, although I really couldn't have afforded it. Because the hardcase designs are so gorgeous, I want to be able to display them! I've always loved this character art by llstarcasterll, so I'm thrilled to have it on the covers!

And I didn't realised there would be ribbon bookmarks, but I've never been so impressed with such a small detail! I always think a ribbon bookmark really makes a special edition, but these ones go so much further. They're each printed with a different quote! When I saw that, honestly, I was blown away!

Endpapers:

The endpapers are designed by my absolute favourite AFTG artist, ouijacine, so I was going to love them, no matter what. There are six different endpapers, two per book, and they're all beautiful.

I don't know what the rules are about selling art a publisher or subscription box has commissioned, but I'm hoping she'll be able to sell these as prints on her website, because I would definitely love to have some of these on my wall.

Sprayed Edges:

The edges are fairly standard, with the fox paw, key, and chess piece design stencilled in white, but I really like that the background colour for each one isn't just solid, it matches the dust jacket design. I guess this isn't quite so good if you're planning to display them with the reverse jackets or as naked hardcases. But I think they're still nice anyway.

And bonus points because even the outbox was amazing?! They'd had a special orange AFTG shipping box made, with a fox print on top, and quotes from the books. My one criticism with this is that it was very snug to the books, so if there had been any damage to the outbox, it probably would have transferred through to the books. A bit more room for bubble wrap would have been good. But it was so special coming home and seeing this beautiful orange box waiting on my doorstep, and knowing exactly what was inside!

I haven't read the bonus chapters yet, but I believe there's one at the end of each book. And all three books had tip-in signatures, which makes them extra special.

Overall, this was a total win, in my eyes. I think they've done a really good job with these editions, and there isn't anything more I could have asked from them. The only issue is with the misprinted jackets, and I was really impressed with the way Rainbow Crate resolved it so quickly and easily.

[glitch-pep]

Aight, let's talk about the process behind CJ's creation. First up, concept art!

Second, the full explanation under the cut! 🩵

A few months before CJ was even a thing, I got the idea of a character concept. The concept was basically Charlotte having an older brother who is far more calm, level headed and cautious than she is. I liked the idea of it, but I didn't feel like working on it, I simply didn't feel inspired enough.

A while later, I was trying to figure out Milo's lore, and I thought to myself... "Heh... wouldn't it be really funny if there was a character, who is the complete opposite of Milo, and his only purpose is to piss him off?" and then I thought "Hm. I could reuse the old Charlotte's brother concept for that."

In the poems Obverse and Reverse, the line:

"...the concept was a joke at first I gotta admit,

but I think I've gone too far with the bit."

Is me referring to this. CJ and Milo's whole relationship was based on a joke I thought was funny, but eventually I started to actually take it seriously and it just all went haywire from there.

I still find it slightly funny at times... but of course, this isn't CJ's only purpose anymore.

Anyways, let's get into the rest of his creation.

The first design idea I had for him was more surfer dude and Hawaii inspired, which made ultimately no sense considering that Charlotte and CJ are from Vermont. The one thing I kept from that are the hair and the flower.

His hair was a struggle to figure out, at first I wanted to try to make it curly like Charlotte's, but that didn't feel right. I still don't really know what's going on with it even now, but it has that slightly modern, fluffy and messy look I was going for. I guess it's shawed on the sides? I don't know, let's not think about it too much.

He has a flower hairpin on each side of his head, because when I only put it on one side it looked empty. I was debating about the flower as well. I had the idea to make it into a specific flower that has some sorta meaning but I couldn't find one I liked, I also looked up flowers from Vermont and ended up with the purple flower but I didn't like it. Eventually I just looked through the show, found a scene where there was a flower, and took the flower from it and used it for the hairpins. I made it into a flower because in the show Charlotte is often depicted with them.

I did consider giving him a bow so that he could fit in with Charlotte and Grandma Charlene, but I decided against it for a lore relevant reason that I won't talk about just yet. Besides, I think he still fits in just fine the way he is now.

For his color I just took the colors of the whole family and adjusted the settings until I got this shade. I was considering to make the color lighter but he just looked washed out.

His name was an easy decision, it had to start with a C and I was debating between Cody and CJ but I'm glad I chose CJ, I really like it!

The only thing that's really changed is that he used to be far more music, singing and comedy themed, but I scrapped the idea of it.

Everything else stayed the same most of the time... well, I did scrap two characters during the development process, but CJ was always the same.

At first CJ was only supposed to be Charlotte's cousin, and he had a different sister named Carol. Carol had anxiety, and the interest of botany and gardening used to be her thing. She had an intense fear of fiends. She was supposed to be some sorta yellowish color and had a headscarf with a flower pattern on it as well as long messy hair. I had the plan that she's related to Mr. Milk and that would explain their similarities, but I just ended up scraping her cuz I couldn't find a place for her in the plot that made sense. I do wanna make a character like this but in a different font one day, we'll see.

The second character was named Faith, and she wasn't related to CJ or Charlotte in any way. Her name was supposed to be a nod to the word fiend since they both start with F. She was orange/dark orange and she wore a black headband with some sorta black pattern on it. She also had some really tired eyes with eyebags and too much eyeliner, and a messy bag with a bunch of random papers. She was basically the new girl in town who got there a while after CJ, who developed an intense interest in fiends, with the intense desire to study and understand them. She'd spend hours observing them, writing things down, and conducting experiments. After a while her and CJ would form some sorta alliance and they'd slowly become friends. I ended up scrapping her because I couldn't find a place in the plot for her either. I do like her, but I think she'll fit better in a different universe.

Also, random addition that has actually nothing to do with CJ's creation.

I recently went through my sketches when I randomly stumbled upon these, and then I remembered that I actually had a Making Fiends oc idea even before I thought of Milo.

Her name was Megan, she was a sort of dusty blue color, and had long hair that slightly covered her eye. She was literally just Maggie but even more stoic and monotone and instead of poetry her thing was drawing... I thought of her before I watched the show, but after I watched it I immediately gave up on the idea the moment Maggie stepped on screen. I think I tried to make it work with making them best friends? I don't know honestly, very boring idea, dunno why I thought it was a good one.

Figuring out CJ was fairly simple, I took Milo and flipped everything about him on its head, polished it, added new stuff and made it into an actual character and not just Milo but in an opposite au.

Still, CJ and Milo are obviously narrative foils. I tried to make that clear with A LOT of different details. In fact, there's so many of them that I'll have to eventually make a seperate post for it...

No idea when I'll do that since I keep adding parallels to the bunch... I'll probably make a character analysis thing or something one day-

[jokey05]

I don't know about DC's Dragon ladies being more complex in the 90s. That's when Shiva got on that "corrupt white heroes" kick starting with Chuck Dixon and when Jade nuked Qurac.

Sorry, my bad, I meant the 90s as in older comics, I chose that period because it's the middle ground for me in comics before the Great Edginess that came in the early 2000s. And yes, I still think that while very badly written, they were way more complex. Like I felt they at least were doing their own thing, instead now they ( Talia, Shiva, Shado, Chesh ect) are like the same character in different font. Most of the time in the modern comics they are just the ex/baby mama to go to when in needing of something "morally grey". And like they took their motivation, ideals and backstories and thrown them together. Shiva absolutely didn't want to be a mother and was way more on the side of good in her firts appearances, yet now she always loved Cass and lived in Asia, even if she was from Detroit (let's not talk about the whole David thing and how people treat it as consensual) , Talia who was in medical school and wasn't raised as an assasin is now the world deadliest woman. Shado, Who wanted to be a mother and raise her child in private, I think she was retired, basically turned into a Jade2.0.

Actually I think they all basically became Jade. Like the backstory was hers before. The struggle between her morals, wanting to live with her child but also being a danger, being raised as a weapon, all that was hers, but in modern comics all seems copypaste for these ladies. I think it is starting to get to Rose Wilson too. Like in a few years you will read how Lilith trained her to climb mountains since she was three.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, but I love my ladies so much, even with their messed up stories, and the modern narrative of "let's ignore everything this character has gone through in the past because I need them as a prop for one of the batboys" is really pissing me off.

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

I deeply crave a character analysis on HOTD and how you perceive them in canon vs who they are to you in your fanfictions.

I love your portrayal of them it’s so layered and interesting, truly you are a sorceress of words 🩷

Firstly, you are so sweet???? Thank you for reading my fics and for your wonderfully kind compliments, these stories and characters feel very real to me and it is just the coolest thing ever to have awesome people like you to share them with 🥹💜

Secondly, I don't even know how to start because I have SOOOOO many thoughts about so many characters! So I'm just going to focus on Aemond and Aegon (our fav disaster blonde boys), but PLEASE ask if there is someone else you would like me to expound on specifically, I would be delighted to, believe me 🥰🥰

Aemond: My understanding of canon Aemond is that he a) is psychologically wounded by his experiences as a child, b) sees himself as more competent/worthy than Aegon and is always trying to prove it, and c) bonds with few people but when he does he does so very intensely.

I draw upon all these fundamental traits, but I also think I see more potential for tenderness in Aemond, even if he is guarded and kind of emotionally illiterate. Additionally, I feel that Aemond (while he is often bad at showing it) loves his family, especially Aegon, and does not intend to betray them. In my fics, Aemond is always bad at processing emotions and deeply...not normal 😂 But that can manifest in a lot of different ways! Aemond can be devoted to an extent that is obsessive, unhinged, or even unwise (HYNITYID/NICIY), he can sabotage his relationships with insecurities (Comet/Napoleonville), or he can be locked in an endless battle to prove he is the most worthy and enact his vision for himself and his family (NTTF/WTWICD/1968). They're all the same man, just in different fonts. 🙂

Aegon: HOTD canon Aegon is a bit difficult to get a handle on, mostly because I think he has been written in an inconsistent (and not very good 😬) way. What we see of him in the show is that Aegon a) uses alcohol and sex to distract himself from the abuse and neglect he has suffered since childhood, b) can be ruthless, reckless, violent, and maybe brave (???) and c) is pretty isolated within the Targaryen family and, while he clearly hates Rhaenyra, has nebulous feelings towards his fellow Greens (ex. tries to abandon them all, but then is devastated when his son is killed, but also has children in the fighting pits???? idk, don't get me started on all that).

My versions of Aegon are basically entirely inspired by Tom Glynn-Carney's interpretation of the character, which left such a huge impression on me even with his...like...10 minutes of screen time in Season 1 😂 I feel that Aegon is beaten down by the rejection of his family but that he directs that pain inwards more than outwards; he is gentler than Aemond, less confident, less composed, less conventionally successful, less moralistic, oftentimes less capable, but he has way more emotional intelligence and is better able to read and empathize with people. Aegon can be annoying, irresponsible, and unreliable, but he is also underneath all of that a good person, and in my fics Aegon tends to have a bit of a redemption arc. He also, like Aemond, genuinely cares about his family, even if he shows it in unorthodox ways. I am just obsessed with that sad floppy little dude!!! 🥰

[st-asya]

Okay, so my passion is whatever my current hyperfixation is and commenting something everyone has already commented. Here we go.

•••

Pilot

1. Things did not go as planned...

Love the way the colour of the font switches to red instead of staying some basic white as the rest of the text, cause my life always does the same, metaphorically speaking, when shit happens (well if somebody typed everything that happens in my life). It's like honey, red means passion and your passion (one more) is turning every single thing in your life to shit when you wanna change something really bad, so imma change the colour for you not to forget that you're gonna fuck something up. Right off the bat, symbolic. Red is my fav colour btw, wonder why (it's, as fall out boy said, a sign (×5) indeed).

2. Pirate bard (?) sounds pretty nice (and beautiful), I already like Frenchie.

3. The "what we're about do will be perilous" speech.

(Why did I instantly think about Lord Farquaad, what's wrong with me?)

And oh my God, the whole bit where Stede talks to the crew is borderline ptsd-loaded flashback, cause I used to work as a teacher so I had to talk to the kids ofc and say something to a class full of students who looked at me the exact same way.

4. Wee John's raised hand and saying that they gotta talk about whatever they're gonna take part in and Stede's enthusiastic yes, damn that hit too close to home. These kinda students are a blessing, btw

5. "We talk it through as a..." and the reluctant ass "crewwwww", my ptsd horrors persist, but so do I. That's the exact same experience I had at work, there's no difference.

6. "Keep it straight if you can" (they couldn't, in fact, keep it straight). Love the way there's a place for choice, cause it's not an order, it's a pretty mild (gentlemanly, see what I did there, huh?) request. Love the way it's not strictly needed (and completely forgotten as the story goes on).

7. Lucius's face expressions throughout the ep are my normal face expressions, wonder why people don't usually think I'm friendly and always ready to chat actually (that's prolly cause they can't read my mind, that's on them duh).

8. "I'll be your robber here today", we all fell for him right this instant, didn't we?

It reminds me of the time I worked as a shop assistant (my career choices are a mess, I know), cause essentially that's who I was, I just had to word it slightly differently so customers would give us their money willingly.

9. The leg crossing and uncrossing is just... Yeah. Idk how to elaborate, I just get it. Completely in character for the character, let's put it that way.

10. The arts and crafts bit is the school experience all over again, I cannot shake this feeling. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed being a teacher a great deal (that's exactly why I don't work as a teacher anymore, yeah).

11. Going from making dresses to being a pirate sounds precisely like my careers changing plans, really.

12. "Do you think Blackbeard's crew sews?" Holy shit, I'd love to see Izzy sew.

13. The mini speech about cats, why is Frenchie so adorable omg

14. Not killing your captain for the sake of hearing the story in full sounds like a solid idea, ngl

15. The complete collective aversion to Lucius's wooden boy voice pls. Turns out Stede stays alive only cuz the crew doesn't want to hear Lucius read, that's loyalty right there.

16. "I've made a mistake, I'm not a pirate, I'm an idiot". Well, omitting the pirate part, it's as relatable as it can possibly get. Ouch

17. Eye. No thoughts, just eye.

18. Stede hiding from the navy is me hiding from my problems, we've got the exact same style of solving them.

19. "It's always the quiet ones", cause usually it's the quiet ones who have to put up with all the shit there can possibly be and they're usually accused of being soft at the same time, I mean you cannot blame Stede for snapping, that's what Badminton deserved (I sound way too bloodthirsty, don't I...)

20. Oul's "might as well enjoy it while it lasts" speaks to me on more levels than I'd like to admit. I love Olu's levelheadedness (is this even a word)

21. I love the way all the flags are up there, it's important for everyone to be included, love this detail so much.

•••

So that's basically just a retelling of the plot with bits of my tho(ugh)ts, tried not to digress too much and not to make it way too personal (initially there were 31 points😅). I'm just genuinely curious to know what the dynamic of my perception of the series will look like at the end, so dear diary, 🎶be prepaaaaaaaared🎶

[gisellelx]

Twilight Advent Calendar, Day 3

Dec. 3 - Pick one deceased Twilight character to draw or tell us more about. How would the Twilight universe be different if they were still alive?

"Or Does It Sag"

(~2,000 words)

December 3, 2023 Ashland, Wisconsin

Bella had been the one to break this particular dam.

It was a problem they all suffered from, if Edward were honest. The world changed so quickly around them, and it was easy to lose track of new possibilities on offer, especially when they were personal. An advancement in engine mechanics; sure, Rosalie would keep on top of that. A contemporary pianist rising to new fame; Edward would be aware. And with his daughter, these days, it was simple to be aware of other things he would once have not noticed: memes and new phrases, fashion trends too pedestrian for his sister to pick up on, Greta Gerwig and Christopher Nolan opening polar opposite films on the same weekend.

They all would forget, often, that the world changing might mean that certain things they had taken for granted needed reconsideration. That over time, the arc of history bent toward making the impossible possible.

His wife was sitting with their daughter on the the piano bench, Renesmee’s hands aglow from the white Christmas lights his mother had strung on the banister in the foyer. The tree would come later—Christmas Eve, their tradition since that very first serious fire hazard Carlisle had lit in the room of an inn on the shores of the Bay of Fundy, trying to coax, if not joy out of Edward, at least something a bit more like delight—but the house was already filled with other greenery, the air thick with the scents of white pine, ripened pinecone, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Across the room, Alice and Esme discussed the tree’s placement, how big it would need to be, as they hung ten stockings on the mantle in order by their entrance to the family: J, R, B, J, A, E, R, E, E, C. Although Edward knew Carlisle and Esme always hung them all anyway, this would be the first Christmas since the pandemic had begun that all ten of them would be filled. Jasper and Emmett had taken their Christmas cheer outside on Esme’s orders, and Rose had followed them, the living embodiment of the saying that behind every great man was a woman rolling her eyes.

And then there was Carlisle, whose newest schedule thrust him into two weeks of boredom at a time, curled up into one of the wingback chairs in his socks, staring at a page dense with text in the smallest font on his Kindle, but only pretending to read.

It had been earlier this year. Seventeen years of marriage, nearly nineteen of a relationship, and somehow Edward had never mentioned this crucial fact to his wife. They had been at the Toulouse house, discussing their next visit to the States, when Edward had mentioned something about his sire’s past; the knowns and the unknowns, and had let slip a crucial bit of missing information, a basic fact everyone had always taken for granted would forever be irretrievable.

Bella had just blinked at him a few times, and then, in the cutting way she had, offered, “Edward, haven’t any of you ever heard of Ancestry dot com?”

It had taken Bella all of twenty-four hours. A new account. A deep dive into church registers in London, 1600-1650. The parish records of one Saint James Aldgate, kept from 1625-1668 in a cramped handwriting that looked for all the world like Carlisle’s, which, when remarked upon, had only earned him a large eyeroll from his wife. “Edward. I know you think Carlisle sprang fully formed from the head of Zeus”—this time it was his turn to roll his eyes—“but you do realize that at some point someone had to teach him to write?”

And so they had pored over the records of births and marriages, baptisms and deaths, until they found her. Married, just barely twenty-two. Dead, just shy of twenty-four. One child, baptized the day she died. And the name, lost to the centuries until now.

They had presented this information for Father’s Day. Printouts of the pages; the dates, the eerily matching handwriting. Carlisle had swallowed deeply, thanked them, and shortly thereafter, left the room.

He hadn’t spoken of it. Edward hadn’t been sure if it had been an offense.

The composition under his daughter’s nimble fingers was over forty years old now, otherwise sounding like any other contemporary piano piece except that something about it sounded wintery, a musical affectation of the rapid whooshing of the Wisconsin wind against windows Esme had insisted upon keeping single pane. And as Edward listened, he let his mind drift along with his family's. It will need to be shorter. Esme, contemplating the tree. An expensive pair of earrings, no a necklace, no earrings, and…goddamnit, Emmett as Jasper tried valiantly to hide his holiday thoughts from his wife.

Pride, in equal measures, Jacob and Bella, listening to Renesmee at the keyboard.

And then…a little girl. Well, no, Edward realized at once. Not a girl, a child. Blond hair hanging in ringlets down to thin shoulders, a hat in the child’s—his—hand. The hat, falling to the ground from an open fist, as the dress swung around the child’s ankles, the hair flying in the wind as the child—the boy—giggled, racing into a woman’s round, pregnant belly.

“Carlisle,” the woman scolded gently. “You’ll wake your sister. Quiet, child.” A glance across a room, firelight dancing from the hearth, where a cradle sat on the floor, a warm glow across the cheeks of a plump toddler. Then the warm laughter again, a hand caressing the swell that was to be the third child. A boy, Edward knew somehow, through that strange alchemy that was his own mind and the mind he knew almost every bit as intimately. Then the boy, scooped up, held tightly to the ample bosom even as he giggled and squirmed. The imagined scent—roses, fresh air, sweat, soot.

As quickly as it came, the whole scene vaporized, replaced with live piano music, the scent of resin, Esme’s gentle laughter, the glow of LED twinkle lights. Edward looked up, catching eyes from across the room. A muttered excuse, and the sound of denim on upholstery as his sire excused himself, nonchalantly, as though he’d forgotten something.

But when he hadn’t returned ten minutes later, Edward also made soft noises about needing to find something, pressed his lips to the crown of his daughter’s head, and said, “Keep it up, Sweet.” His wife, ever perceptive, looked up from the bench.

Carlisle? she mouthed, and Edward nodded.

The house wasn’t large. The two of them had chosen it for themselves a hundred years ago, only later to share it with the woman Carlisle had, in all his impulsivity and to Edward’s initial dismay, saved from her own attempt at death. Following a scent—especially this most familiar one—was easy, and a moment later, Edward found himself in the study. His father’s chair was turned toward the wall, staring at a bookcase full of all manner of tomes organized in some system which after a century, still remained impenetrable even to Edward.

He didn’t say anything; it wasn’t as though he could sneak up. They both said nothing, the only sound in the stillness of the room their inhalations and exhalations.

“A sister?” Edward said finally. The head turned, and two pairs of golden eyes met.

“And a brother,” Edward added, and Carlisle shrugged.

It was the 1640s. Six would have been common.

“That’s not at all what I was commenting on, and you know it.”

Carlisle gulped. Edward came closer, perching himself on the perpetually messy desk.

“I wasn’t even sure you appreciated the gift,” he said quietly. “You’ve said so little about it.”

The blond head shook furiously. “I’m sorry. I’m grateful. It’s just—”

A flurry of images. The boy, giggling again. Older, hair shorter, wearing breeches this time. The sister, just as towheaded, her long ringlets dancing behind her as her brother pulled her through a small churchyard, scattering the handful of hens which lived there. The woman, a stern and wry look on her face, bouncing a toddler in her arms. Then blankness, again, the cutting off that Edward knew, like the slamming of a steel door, as Carlisle closed off his thinking to protect Edward from things he did not wish Edward to be privy to. Then came the sensations: the twist in the pit of the stomach, the raw, searing grief as fresh as it ever had been.

When this quiet had continued for several minutes, Edward spoke up. “You would’ve died, you know.”

A nod.

“And none of us would be here.”

Rosalie’s face swam suddenly in Carlisle’s mind. Not necessarily a bad thing.

Edward raised his eyebrows. “You’d trade us? Esme?” A pause. "Me?”

His father bit his lip, an uncannily human fidget that had once been put into his repertoire on purpose, but had now become so ingrained it was just part of him. The image shifted again: a series of flashes, rapid, one after another. The boy, school-aged, holding bravely still while the woman bandaged a knee. A teen, lifting a playful toddler out of the sacristy of the church—the sacristy remembered, the toddler imagined. A fourth child, Edward realized. The towheaded boy grown tall, his face the face of the young man Edward was used to. Clutching hands with a woman in white, anxiety and adrenaline and joy as he stood before an altar, the woman beaming at him from the first pew. And finally, the woman, older, her hair graying, as the young man placed a squashed-face infant into her arms.

Edward knew this part now, understood that Carlisle was so deeply content that he lacked the ability to imagine a family other than the one he had. That his dreams had a way of mixing the present with the past with the imagined, as though all of it were true. That if Edward had been able to lift the imaginary bride's veil, he would've seen the woman whose voice he could still hear floating down the hallway. That the infant being handed over in the memory now was the only infant Carlisle had ever imagined having: even though he had met Edward at age 17, he had a firm idea of what he would’ve looked like at six pounds. No hair—redheads were usually born bald—a grip surprisingly firm for a one-day-old infant. He saw the way the imaginary Carlisle beamed as he handed the bundle over to the woman. The way her eyes halfway closed in delight. Edward felt in the memory the way the baby felt in the hands, and recognized the way Carlisle’s mind was mixing this imagined baby and his imagined weight with a concrete memory from September, seventeen years before: Edward’s daughter; Carlisle’s palms.

I wish she could meet you.

Swinging his legs off the desk, Edward let out a bark of a laugh.

"Carlisle, you’re the one who believes in heaven. You really think she hasn’t?”

The image which surfaced this time was so similar, it was hard to tell if it was Edward’s alone or Carlisle’s, or both. The woman, fully gray haired now, her face wrinkled and her hands beginning to show liver spots. Sitting in their living room, laughing and giving tree advice to Esme, listening attentively to Renesmee, joking about Edward and Carlisle with Bella.

“Come on, Carlisle. If she’s anywhere, she’s here.” He hopped off the desk. “And you hiding in your office is probably not what she’d want.”

The nod came slowly. I suppose you’re right. He ran a hand through his hair and attempted a smile. Standing, he placed a hand on Edward’s shoulder. “I am glad you’re here. All of you. Even though the house is way too crowded.”

He chuckled. “We’ll leave before New Year’s.”

“Is that a promise?”

Edward punched Carlisle in the bicep, but they both laughed. Carlisle gestured to the door.

Come. Let’s see what your mother has figured out about the tree.

Edward nodded, and followed Carlisle’s steps. But at the door, his sire stopped, gazing back toward the desk where Edward still stood. The young boy resurfaced, lying against the woman, the girl, still asleep, the unborn infant a flutter under his brother's rib. Slowly, the boy's eyelids, too, grew heavy.

Carlisle blinked, snapping his mind abruptly back to the study. The boy was replaced by books. Thank you for giving her back to me.

And Edward saw it. Obscured by two pieces of mail, but still on top of the pile, the scent of Carlisle’s fingers still fresh, as though he’d rifled through it as recently as this morning. The envelope that he’d prepared, lettered in Bella’s handwriting, given for Father’s Day. The name, lost to time, resurfaced with technology, and with it, memory, imagination, grief, and somehow, love. As he moved, he brushed aside the bank statements on top, leaving the whole envelope visible as he exited the room.

Sarah

it read.

Closing the study door, Edward turned out the light and headed back toward his family.

Masterpost/Prompts Montage Masterpost

[epickiya722]

[NOTE: This is long! This is an actual ask about Mineta and among other things that I thought maybe some of you may be interested in reading, but because the font is in orange (due to Tumblr glitching out on Anon and their autism) I'm posting it like this. I'm not too bothered by the color, but I'm sure there are others who may find it unreadable. Now, you do not have to read it. And if you do read it, you may comment or just send me an ask ONLY if you're polite. Don't attack anyone over this. No matter how you may feel about Mineta, BNHA, Horikoshi, a dog, a cat, ANYTHING or ANYONE... DO NOT BE DISRESPECTFUL. Please keep any of your comments that you know are rude to yourself. And now, you may proceed if you choose to.]

Horikoshi said once in some interview that mineta is essentially a self-insert. Coincidentally, early-mha horikoshi had some pretty pervy tendencies (much like mineta—probably why he thought it would be cool to have such a character never really face consequences). The most famous example of this is probably the girls hero costumes, most notably Yaoyorozu. He mentions in an aside very early on in the story (volume three or something?) that he can’t seem to help himself and her boob window always gets bigger every time he draws it. Then there’s uraraka saying she didn’t want such a tight costume, Hagakure being naked, etc. When the anime started airing there was another interview where he said he really appreciated them making uraraka curvier than in the manga, because he likes curvy women. One could also use midnight and mount lady as examples of this but I’d say it’s more of a way of discussing mature themes surrounding hero society and all of its consequences rather than actual sexualisation. Something that sets him apart, even at this early stage, from other shonen mangakas is that he doesn’t only do this to the women, but the men as well. If Yaoyorozus hero costume is revealing, what about kirishimas (this comparison is my favourite because they both need skin showing for their quirks to function well, so why is one considered bad and the other fine? Because one is a boy and one is a girl? Please keep in mind I am not trying to say that kirishima is sexualized. It’s just food for thought)? If urarakas suit is considered too tight, then look at all might. You could probably see the outline of his dick from fifteen yards away when he wears that costume. Then there’s mineta, who makes certain comments regarding the women in his class. But what about mount lady and how she treats shoto? Or one of the wild wild pussy cats asking the boys in class 1-A how old they are to see how long til she can marry them? Unlike basically every other shonen out there, the sexualisation (at least as far as I can tell) is not based in sexism. It’s across the board, and we only notice it more when it happens to women because we are used to it happening to women.

For a long time, I hated horikoshi for the same reasons I hated mineta (it was a love-hate relationship for obvious reasons). He was openly perverted and seemingly one of *those* guys. You know, the ones I’d be afraid to walk near after dark. Or before dark. But I still loved mha and really appreciated what he was doing within the story. As a side note, he writes the women very well, which is rare in shonen (again—love hate relationship with dear old horikoshi). But if you’ll notice, the farther along in the story you look, the less sexualisation there is. It’s gradual so you hardly notice, but compare volume four or five to volume thirty. The difference is stark. It’s not really that mineta has less lines (although since the war started that has been the case) he still talks, just differently.

I think what happened is, when mha started getting popular, horikoshi started seeing huge pushback to minetas character, which probably all came to a head when the anime made him say something super fucked up to eri. I don’t recall if it was in dub or sub or both, but reading back through the manga it’s a bit different and honestly could’ve been poor translation or my own misinterpretation. But in the anime it was clear what he meant. He can’t wait for eri to be older, for exactly the reason you’re thinking now. The process of horikoshi realizing his mistakes started long before this, though, and gradually you can watch him patch up the holes if you pay attention. The anime does a poor job of this, at least until season six. But around the time that season four ends (and this is present in the manga too) there is a scene of Mina tying mineta to a chair and forcing him to watch something. After that, the sexualisation in the manga is gone for good. I’d like to interpret this as horikoshi finalizing his realization and own personal character development. He is no longer pervy, just like mineta is no longer pervy.

The one exception to this rule is that infamous chapter cover. The one with Hagakure on the front? Yeah, when I saw that, it made me rethink all of this. For about two weeks I was convinced that I’d been wrong about it, and he really is just a pervert after all. But lo and behold, he said in an interview that he was running behind and didn’t have time to draw or pick a chapter cover. He handed a bunch of old concept art to one of the higher ups and told them to pick something. He said he was never expecting that drawing to see the light of day, and he figured they’d choose something a little more suited to the story. (A little fucked up that he drew that? Yes, I think so. But keep in mind, these are *old* drawings. People are allowed to change and, following this metric, I think horikoshi has changed quite a bit.)

All of this is to say, mineta is not really a bad person anymore, and also has incredible writing (whether it was purposeful from the beginning or a last minute change) which just goes to show how talented horikoshi really is.

[lillie98]

STRANGER THINGS X WIZARD OF OZ

I grew up obsessed with “The Wizard of Oz,” so much so that I read some of the original L. Frank Baum books (which I highly recommend). The more I watch and analyze Stranger Things, the more similarities I see between the two stories. Gay people in the 80s referred to themselves as being “Friends with Dorothy,” so as not to be outed. I also believe each OG Party Member represents a different Oz character—which has huge implications for the overall story.

WILL: He’s our Dorothy (for the reason stated above). He’s on a journey to discover his power and strength, dreaming of a life far away from Kansas (Hawkins). He believes he needs his Ruby Slippers (El’s Powers) to save himself, but he’s always had THE POWER inside him. He can save himself. He meets a cast of characters along the way that teach him about the world and ultimately himself, giving him the strength he needs to defeat his grief and move on from his trauma.

ELEVEN: Eleven is Glinda. She meets Dorothy (WILL) on the journey and guides the Party through their tasks. She is wise and kind, helping Dorothy overcome his trauma and discover the power within him. El’s Powers are the Ruby Slippers, which Dorothy thinks he needs to defeat The Wicked Witch of the West (Vecna). By the end of the story, Glinda tells Dorothy he never needed the slippers and had the power within him all along. Glinda disappears and Dorothy returns to Kansas, stronger, surer, and finally processing his trauma.

MIKE: Mike is The Cowardly Lion. Stay with me here. I am absolutely not saying Mike is a wuss, because he’s not. He just thinks of himself this way because of everything people tell him. Lucas says he’s Hopeless, Dustin says he’s Oblivious, his parents say he’s a punk. Why wouldn’t he feel cowardly and afraid? It’s only when Dorothy (WILL) comes into his life and calls him “His Heart” that Mike finally understands his worth and takes up his mantle to fight. He also believes Dorothy needs his Ruby Slippers to win, but will soon discover Dorothy’s incredible powers.

LUCAS: He’s our Tin Man. Lucas loves loudly, but it doesn’t always come across that way. He’s brash and brutally honest, often refusing to sugar coat his words in favor of candor. He fears he is difficult to love because of this and closes himself off to potential love interests, thus becoming “rusty.” It’s only when the Oil Can (MAX) softens him up and accepts him for who he is, that he opens up and discovers the true meaning of love.

(I also think Max could share the Lion with Mike sine they’re basically same person different font)

DUSTIN: Dustin is the scarecrow. We all know Dustin is genius-level intelligent, but he sometimes gets carried away with his discoveries, going to great lengths to indulge his mind (including stealing books from the library). It’s not until someone falls in love with his incredible mind (STEVE) that the Scarecrow learns to harness his intelligence and use it to fight his enemies. His mind will be key in destroying Vecna. Remember the Forever Clock (perfect for the Apocalypse!!)

JOYCE AND HOPPER: Aunt Em and Uncle Henry. They’re Dorothy’s caretakers since his original parents (LONNIE) couldn’t care for him. They know Dorothy dreams of a life far beyond Kansas, but do their best to support him while he’s here. They’ll do anything to keep Dorothy safe.

SUZIE: Suzie is our Wizard. I love this one. The boys go on a journey to find her, she’s wearing green (like, come on), and her house is full of munchkins (literally). Lots of people have created analyses of SUZIE’s house, so I won’t go into detail here, but she is crucial to cracking this code. She’s a master hacker, able to change grades and possibly storylines. She’s not all that threatening, what with being a fourteen-year-old girl, but she holds insane amounts of power.

VECNA: The Wicked Witch of the West. The ultimate Big Bad, hell-bent on destroying Dorothy. Willing to do whatever it takes to bring him down, lest he destroy his plan. The witch seems unbeatable, always one step ahead, but Dorothy discovers his power and defeats the witch easily with just a bucket of water. Also the Demo creatures are Flying Monkeys. I will not elaborate.

I’m not sure about the rest of the cast, but let me know in the comments what you think! As far as the story itself is concerned, Dorothy needs to find out about his powers, and we’re so close!! The moment someone removes Soteria, Dorothy’s powers will be released, and Vecna will be toast. This does mean, however, some of our beloved characters will disappear, too—particularly Eleven. She’s Glinda the Good, spirit guide for Dorothy and his Party. Once Dorothy discovers his power, Glinda isn’t needed anymore. Does that mean she will die? Not necessarily, but I do think she will “ascend” to the newly-freed Upside Down (now Heaven instead of Hell) and rule it. She will always be there protecting and guiding them, but unable to cross back over. This is probably where characters like Dustin, Steve, Robin, Lucas? etc. will end up because we all know they’re going to die. It sucks but at least they have somewhere beautiful to go. Anyone not on the hill in the final shot is Fair Game for me, unfortunately.

Throughout this journey, Dorothy (WILL) has learned countless lessons from his friends and family that will ultimately fuel him to defeat his grief and trauma once and for all. The only character that will remain is Mike. Mike is more than the Lion, he is Dorothy’s lifeline. Mike makes Will brave. Without him, Will cannot survive. He may have all the power in the world, but that power means nothing if he can’t have Mike. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s beautiful.

Also, since The Wizard of Oz is a story within a story, this entire story of Stranger Things is either a DnD campaign Mike wrote for Will, or a Comic Book series the two boys wrote together. Mike does say he’s been working on a campaign for Will, so this might be what he’s referencing. Either way, it’s going to be incredibly emotional and beautiful, and I can’t wait!!!

[crookedcrowclub]

Review for A Conjuring of Light by V .E. Schwab

5/5 ⭐️

WOW.

reading this felt like reading a crossover novel of all my favourite characters from the previous two books because each of them were so incredibly fleshed out that this could’ve been anyone’s story. it feels as if i’ve met these characters and had conversations with them because they seemed so tangible.

Plot & Pacing

what book 2 lacked in terms of plot and pacing, book 3 more than made up for it. the story picks up right where book 2 left off and the momentum doesn’t slow down one bit. it only kept getting better with surprises and twists at every turn. if you know me, you know that books are my sole sustenance when it comes to escaping the horrors of reality and ACOL swept me off my feet from the very first chapter!

Characters

the character dynamics were much more nuanced and their interactions were TO DIE FOR (!!!) not to mention, they all had insane chemistry with each other and some wholesome moments thrown in as well. kell, lila, and holland have cemented themselves as my ultimate disaster trio and i just couldn’t get enough of them.

the flashback scenes gave a deeper insight into each of the characters’ backstory and i ended up caring more about them than i imagined. holland’s especially packed a punch. his chapters were agonizing to read, emotionally charged and tugged at my heartstrings. i saw him as the villain at the beginning of this trilogy but it turns out, he’s an anti-hero who deserves to be happy after everything he’s been through. his chapters alone were a solid 5/5 stars for me, and he has earned a top ten spot in my Most Favourite Fucked Up Characters of All Time 😌.

as for lila, she had it all: beauty, brains and brawn! but besides that, we also see her come to terms with her attachment and abandonment issues that she’s struggled with since book 1. her arc was moving yet powerful. most of it strongly resonated with me because it hit too close to home. delilah bard is basically me but in different font and i adore my knife wife so much 🫶🏼.

kell’s daring persona that i sorely missed in book 2 made a sweeping comeback and his character was even more striking than before! unlike in the previous book, he was very level-headed in this one and took on the fitting role of a natural leader who guided his team in their quest to defeat evil. he kinda reminded me of kaz with the easy way he almost always got the final word. his chapters were poignant with direction and focus, which was refreshing to read.

i was thrilled that we finally got alucard’s POV (!!!!) i like his character but sadly, he didn’t really stand out in the book for me. it felt as if he was merely a plot piece to keep the story going. things were happening and he was just kinda there. either way, i enjoyed being in his head and learning more about his past.

rhy was less annoying and bratty (thank goodness) which i think had a lot to do with alucard’s presence at the beginning. he also had lesser chapters in this book but he started growing on me around the 70% mark. i liked how resilient he was in never giving up or cowering in face of adversity and how much he cared for his people. towards the end, he proved to be a well rounded character with a satisfying arc.

side mention: the minor characters (hastra, lenos, tieren, maris, ned, maxim, emira, even cora!) were amazingly well developed and despite their limited page time, they stole the show all the same! i would deadass be down to read each of their spinoff stories if the author ever decided to write them.

Conclusion

overall, ACOL struck a perfect balance between character-driven and plot-driven storyline to the point where the characters ceased to be fictional and started seeming like actual people in my head. not only that, this trilogy felt like getting a warm hug from an old friend because it reminded me of six of crows and a couple other YA novels which i loved during that time. it was nostalgic reading it even though i’d never read it before.

as for the ending, it was satisfying but the suspense was over quick. i wanted to see more action in the final fight scene after all that buildup but either way, it was fulfilling to see my beloved characters find closure after everything that happened. i can see where the continuation trilogy is headed and im beyond excited to read it!

ANOSHE✨

[t-the-ring-master]

“I could never write. I wouldn’t be good at it.”

Girl says who?

You wanna know what my first story was about? I wrote it with my best friends cousin (well I did she just gave me characters and gave me some ideas) and I wrote 20 chapters on that thing. It was about my character and her character becoming friends in high school and her character helped my character find the office after the normal textbook bully interaction and ended up with the wrong school schedule landing them in all the same classes together.

They had every Y/N 2015 tropes ever, from bullying, to marry sue, and even prom. It was god awful, but guess what. I loved it and was so proud when I finished it.

I have of course grown as a writer and write so much better now with practice and learning my preferences. Just know if 14 year old me can write a 20 chapter OC garbage fanfic, then you can write something you’re proud of at the time too.

Don’t know what to write? Find a fandom you enjoy and write about a character.

Don’t think you’re original and don’t wanna do something over used? Who cares! If you enjoy a trope then try it! I assure you, everyone eats up Enemies to lovers in every font. Just learn the difference between, bully to lover, rival to lovers, and mild dislike to lovers.

Don’t have a fandom? Make a random OC and throw some trauma onto that thing! I’m traumatizing a 15 year old boy in a situation of life and death with a 400 year old racist fairy.

All that being said. Never say “I could never be a writer.”

Because you absolutely can, you just need to learn basic grammar and find something you enjoy. It doesn’t even need to start out as writing. make a Minecraft scene or smp, add lore and go off of that. Use video game characters you enjoy for your story. Make a mini story on something you’ve always wanted to read/see in a story that no one else seems to have done in what you imagine.

I’ve gone from cringy dyslexic 14 year old author, to a dyslexic adult who is somewhat happy with her work and that is willing to take criticism and critique on their work.

That being said, you don’t have to be perfect to be an author, because I assure you, if you work on it, someone is gonna support that work and enjoy it like no one else. Because as you grow with your work, so will they and so will others. Also, you should be that person that gives that support to yourself, don’t rely on others attention to enjoy it. Idk why i decided to rant about this, but I just remembered a random conversation with a friend when she said she wouldn’t be able to start writing because she didn’t know how.

Believe it or not, it’s actually insanely easy to start. Write a sentence and go from there. No plot, no title, no characters. Just a sentence and see where that takes you.

[vampstel]

Hi Vampstel, I hope you are doing well!

This is gonna be a bit all over the place and I am so so sorry.

What inspired you to start making art? And what influenced your art style?

I can’t remember if you have said this anywhere but I’ve been a long time fan of yours and you are why I’m now posting my own work on tumblr instead of crappy Twitter (No offense to anyone uses it it’s just really mean to smaller artist like myself and it’s hard to get stuff out there especially original work)

I cannot wait for your next video. I love your Draw with me series. I’ve been enjoying watching your work every time I need a helping hand with lore or just general background noise to keep me entertained

You have no idea how much I inspired to be like a inkcreable artist like you (Yes the pun is intended I think you would know what the ink is referring to. (For anyone who doesn’t know it’s Bendy and the ink machine. I love Alice Angel so that’s how I kinda know that franchise)

I remember when you made your oc Laurence Winters? I think that’s the character inspired by Sammy Laurence. I am so sorry I can’t rewatch to correct myself I have terrible memory. As soon as you had said you were into demonology I was shocked when you grabbed the Bendy reference. It isn’t often I find an artist that likes the same stuff I do. So that was cool to know!

I am so sorry that this makes no sense and it’s all over the place. I really love your work and I really hope I can learn more on how to story write from you in future draw with me video. I really hope you will keep going (Make sure you rest and take care of yourself don’t overwork yourself!)

Hi Katie!! I’m doing very well actually, and I hope you’re doing the same too ^_^

No need to apologize about the messy ask hehe I don’t mind at all!! But to answer your questions…

A lot of things have inspired me to start drawing. It’s mainly my passion for cartoons that drove me to pursue art. I was really into Spongebob and Tom & Jerry as a kid and would regularly draw them whenever I could during school. I started interacting with fandoms pretty early on in my childhood and seeing so many big artists (specifically those on Tumblr, Deviantart, and Amino) made me really interested in learning digital art.

I think I started drawing digitally around 2016 but only took it seriously during 2018. I wasn’t all that good with drawing so I used Gacha Life as a base to help during my first years. Which… I guess you could say my art style is inspired by it? I don’t know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It’s really hard to say what influences my style since I don’t have heavy inspo you can point out. Honestly, any artist I follow or talk about is someone I’m inspired by. LavenderTowne and Dreamalgia are the ones that come to mind first though since I adore their work :P

I’m really glad my content’s entertaining and helpful to you!! It’s always a delight when people say that especially since I doubt my own capabilities with content creation sometimes lol. After all, I kinda just throw crap at the wall and see what sticks. I’m the most unprofessional YouTuber ever 😭

But yes, Lawrence is my OC that’s inspired by Sammy!! I think it’s very obvious since they’re basically the same person, but just in a different font. Bendy has been a longtime special interest of mine, actually. I’ve been fixating on it ever since the first chapter of the first game came out. A lottt of my characters are inspired by the characters in Bendy. Joseph Sinclair, for example (and I’m sure you can tell from the name alone), is inspired by Joey Drew. Especially when he used to be a sleazy villain archetype until I changed him into a dorky mess.

I have another character by the name of Thomas Huxley (again, obvious name) who’s sort of inspired by Thomas Connor. I’ve shown him on Twitter before but here he is since I’ve never shown him on here before!!

Honestly, most of my characters are just inspired by other existing characters lol. But Bendy is definitely the biggest influence I have on my work. Literally love that franchise so much I could ramble about it all day if I wanted to.

Other than that, thank you so much!! I won’t overwork myself but hopefully (fingers crossed) that Draw With Me will come back soon. I have tons of ideas for the comeback of that series and I can’t wait to show it all soon :3c

[iridescentis]

it really baffles me how far i have gone with sam & cat and by extension puckentine being one of my longest lasting interests ever

sam & cat was the first nickelodeon/disney show i ever watched because i didn't grow up with those channels (yeah i found sam & cat and victorious before icarly because they were on netflix) and even though i don't know if i could commit to rewatching it now i still love it wholeheartedly despite how admittedly bad it is

for fucks sake i can recite majority of the first episode's script by heart and i haven't watched it in years! it is my favourite fun fact that the safe in the girl's closet has the lock combination '74739' WHY WOULD I NEED TO KNOW THAT (and yes i went to go fact check that so i don't embarrass myself and i was right)

it's so funny because this show has been with me for so long that it was a running joke with friends and family that i would bring it up whenever i could, it means so much to me and even though the quality isn't great i would defend it with my life

puckentine has remained my favourite ship of all time for so many years, even when i was enjoying seddie whilst watching icarly it was always second best, nothing has come close except jeric from boy meets world WHICH IS BASICALLY THE SAME SHIP IN A DIFFERENT FONT. i will probably write an analysis of puckentine later on because i have so much to say about it

i think the reason why ships like puckentine and jeric have meant so much to me for so long is because it's the weird comedic relief character finally finding someone who loves them for them not despite of their stupidity or childishness but BECAUSE of that, they finally have someone who understands and enjoys those parts of them which REALLY hits home for me

this is a very abrupt and cheesy rant but i held back on talking about this before because i was genuinely made fun of for loving this show so much and i really wanted to actually write about it for once

[totisviribus]

Born to be Consumable

Girlhood* is all about this exhausting, pointless wandering to collect berries in our baskets because the world makes us too timid to grow our own fruit. Pave our own way, be different from how the world understands what a girl should be? Of course not. Our very existence is a nuisance, therefore we must not cause any trouble. We must be simple to understand. What kind of girl are you? They give us plenty of labels to choose from, how can we not just pick one? Hot, weird, ugly, smart, too girly, not girly enough, a tom boy, a slut, wanted, unwanted, troubled, ADHD, fucked in the head, strange, too fat, awkward, basic, a prude, annoying, magnetic, special, talented, autistic, boring, in need of a makeover, too skinny, fun, the main character, a mean girl, a party girl, a guy's girl, the it girl, "that" girl, the dark academia girl, the artsy girl, not like other girls?

The world thinks women, young and old and in between, are billboards and we must loom large and bright over our cities whether we like it or not. Our text must be clear and big and easy to see from the highway. We can't be presumptuous enough to think that people will make the effort to squint at confusing text and illegible fonts they've never seen before. People need a clear advertising message. Otherwise they'll look the other way, buy from a different brand. What are we? They want to know at first glance. In seconds, moments. We're a brand, a type, a trope. There cannot be nuance, contradictions, abnormalities, change, growth, variety. The customer is always right, they say.

It took me twenty-six years to realize that I'm not in the business of selling myself on that billboard. I can no longer strategize, I can no longer mask, I can no longer pay the price of repainting that billboard over and over again, each time more painful than the last. I will be no one and nothing and I will rest. I've scraped off all the layers, down to the original hue. I don't want the attention, the examination, the interest. There will be no going out of business sale. The previous version of me that lives on a dusty Facebook profile and cries night after night because I'm not Rory Gilmore or Miley Cyrus or Megan Fox will be fished out of a bargain bin at TJ Maxx, eventually.

I was born to be consumable; I will never be able to take the billboard of my girlhood down. It will sit blank and decay over time.

But I can finally live, now that I am no longer killing myself to be understood.

*The gendered language in this letter is not used with the intention of excluding people who are trans or those that are non-binary. It was written with my experience as a cis woman in mind, but it is in no way an assertion that only cis women are hurt by the effects of being socialized as female, or to the same degree. The last thing I want is for anyone to feel excluded by my letters, especially given the recent hatred against the trans community by a certain famous author. My blog will always be a kind, loving, welcoming, safe space for everyone. ♡Maeve

[kierreras]

It’s so weird when it comes to Conrad and character comparisons from other shows because he is both the broody character and also the funniest character on the show, he is sassy and sarcastic he is on par with Taylor. Jeremiah was never a funny character but he was a super fun character last season but by trying to make him more Mature he was actually so boring to me this season. Basically giving Matt Donovan from vampire diaries.

exactly! and i actually love that complexity of conrad, because if you think about that, he was first introduced to the audience when he wasn't acting like himself. we can see him being broody and kind of angsty, but constantly in her narrations belly confirms that he's not acting the same way he did last summer. and i think it's such a great decision from jenny because we get to see real conrad, the one that he has always been, when the secrets are revealed. i actually believe that the real conrad, the one that he was before he found out about adam's cheating and susannah's cancer, is the one that brought belly candies, the one that went through five hours drive to come get belly and take he to watch snowy beach. i genuinely feel that this conrad that has no worries in the world is the most precious thing that the show provided us with, cause he's just so wholesome and you can understand why belly fell in love with him in the first place.

as for comparisons with other shows, i actually see so many similarities between conrad and jj from obx. and that's not just because those two shows are my literal summer obsessions. conrad and jj are actually the same boy, different font. they both care deeply and love with all they have, they both are emotionally unstable and closed for other people. but if conrad goes through his trauma by closing up and being alone, jj is seeking for his friends, so that he can deflect by caring for other people other than himself.  also, i love that conrad is similar to damon cause, first of all, older brothers and secondly, both damon and conrad sacrificed their happiness for their little brothers. damon is also snarky and sarcastic, he's also the emotionally unavailable borther, kind of troubled ones, so i see many similarities here too. 

and omg i laughed so hard when you compared jeremiah to matt donovan! i think jeremiah was appealing in the first season more because he was that shiny golden retriever with no worries in the world, but after he found out about the cancer he had to start acting mature because his mother needed him. and this season we can see him dealing with losing his mother and being basically left alone, because he intentionally pushed people away, so he had to deal with the consequences of his actions. i actually feel like in season two his journey was similar to stefan's journey in season four of tvd, when stefan was also left alone and had to rebuild his life, make amends. but overall jere's characterisation is not my cup of tea, i can't think of any examples of similar characters, so let him be stefan in season four, cause matt donovan is way to offensive even for jeremiah

[nebulouscoffee]

✦ ✄ and ▵ for ‘Who We Are’?

Thank youuu <333

✦ what was your easiest fic to write & your hardest? - 'Progress' might've been the easiest; it was only about 3k words long (and, unlike almost every other attempt at a oneshot I've made, didn't accidentally turn into a multichapter!) I also just think my desire for Kira Nerys to be happy is a very powerful force. Like I wrote it over one evening😂 Hardest would probably be a tie between 'Butter Through An Hourglass' (Sisko falls through time fic), 'When The Fighting Stops' (the life of Kira Nerys as told through Bajoran prophecy), and 'Live With It' (Sisko & Garak post-canon Cardassia dialogue-only). But since I have posted none of those, I'll admit the last two chapters of 'Who We Are' have been giving me trouble

✄ what’s your editing process? - step one: keep editing things even as you write the chapter so you end up making very little progress. step two: go back and edit some of the previous chapters actually! why not! step three: agonise over tiny little phrases forever, make 204 changes, and then close the doc for two months. step four: revisit it and find like 15 new ideas to incorporate now. step five: only open it again a whole month later and go "hmm this chapter is about 3000 words too long actually! gotta cut it down! time to be merciless!!" and step six: somehow end up making it 4759 words longer instead

(lol okay editing is not my strong suit, but I do have ONE good tip, which is change the font or switch to reading on your phone between edits. Just seeing those same lines but visually different always makes me notice things I stop noticing in the same format!)

▵ pick a fic and I’ll tell you my favorite line - ooooh this is hard, because I know it's from the Trippy Ezri Joining Section but it's all so intertwined I really don't know how to pick it apart! My favourite bit is probably when she sees Benjamin in that cosmic kitchen and talks to him outside of linear time lol, but it's more that whole concept than any one line in particular. Though I do like this moment a lot:

Benjamin is watching her with some undefinable look in his eye. “Memory is a complicated, confusing, and… phenomenal thing,” he murmurs, his voice low and clear as the space between stars. “And yes, it can be poisonous at times. Believe me, I know. It can kill. It can drown. But- Ezri, if you want to survive when the tide comes in-” He reaches out, gently cups the sides of her face, and suddenly, everything feels so simple… “You let it take you.” She lets out a shuddering breath, wishing she could look in his eyes forever. “I’ll die.” “No.” Benjamin smiles. “You’ll soar.”

This friendship means so, so much to me, and I really wanted to capture the way these two characters seem to be like, cosmically bound to each other? Platonic soulmates who will find each other in every lifetime, etc. Ezri is struggling with this massively traumatic non-linear experience, losing herself as 300 years of memories are suddenly being dumped into her brain- and here in the middle of it is the one person who can make it make sense, finding her in the dark. Giving her a safe place to catch her breath, but also the pep talk she needs to stop rejecting the symbiont and get through the joining! And basically, his advice is let go. Don't try sorting things out, don't make sense of things, don't psychoanalyse yourself- and definitely don't try to make Dax's emotions/memories linear. Now, is this a hallucination? Is this the worm telling her to find Benjamin through a half-conscious dream? Is this Benjamin himself, helping her out non-linearly from the Celestial Temple post-canon? Who knows! The important thing is, Ben knows a thing or two about living multiple lives, and how emotions can displace a person from time- and yes, he is going to explain it to her through food metaphors :)