#Business Decision Making 6th

[moonastro]

Juno persona chart

jupiter in the houses

what is a juno persona chart? looking into juno persona chart gives more detailed insight of how the relationship and marriage overall of you and your spouse will be like. it also describes them in a sense as well. The Greek Goddess Juno is described to rule over love and marriage and hence why the asteroid is looked into for that theme.

jupiter represents luck, it expands anything it touches and gives prosperity in that area. in the juno persona chart, jupiter signifies the luck the couple has within the marriage, what possible expansions marriage life of the couple receives and what possibly wisdom the couple takes.

reminder: this is my interpretation from observations and first hand experiences, so don't take this to heart.

**reminder no.2 that this can be used for signs as well, so for example if jupiter is in aries in 6th house, make sure to check out jupiter in 1st house also as it may resonate.

jupiter in 1st house: marriage may be full of quick decisions, not waiting around brings luck to the couple. acting right away is the way to go for this placement. the couple may find luck in cars, perhaps you always have access to transport, have access to cars, may even own lots of cars or some sort of quick transport. marriage may bring growth to developing how to cope with anger or short temper, this placement may bring expansion to have healthy coping mechanisms when it comes to short temper or raising voice. marriage may bless the individual with courage to show the real them for example showing off their real style, personality, likes and interests etc. these individuals may have a very nice and luxurious (a grand) home after marriage, exterior of home may look big and expensive so this may be an indication of having a big house after marriage. jupiter here may brings lots of movement to the individual after marriage, their life may liven up a bit and there may be lots of movement during marriage. life can be full of life, full of passion, desire and motivation so a sense of fulfilment may occur and make the individual feel alive.

spouse may have natal jupiter in aries, 1st house, fire sign or fire house.

jupiter in 2nd house: marriage may bring luck to resources, money, materialistic things and ones value. the couple may receive lots of gifts from other people, not cheap also, this placement just attracts gifts and luxury. also expect people offering you to go out for dinner or lunch after marriage, this brings expansion in areas of socialising and allowing oneself to destress and rewind. marriage can be full of relaxation, after marriage the native can have luck in having s stress free mind or a less one. jupiter here may bring growth to having patience with one another, adapting to foreign environments and finding comfort in anywhere one may go. marriage may bring luck in artistic fields related to the voice, the arts, dancing, cooking, food related and beauty related. this placement may have luck in those themes and may have a business or open up a store related to these themes.

spouse may have natal jupiter in taurus, 2nd house, earth sign or earth house.

jupiter in 3rd house: marriage may bring luck in communication, writing, expression of oneself and getting to the point. this placement bring expansion to speaking so couple much talk things out even if they are the tiniest of little misconceptions they should be sorted out rough communication. i feel like this placement also gives luck in education, so this placement go back to school, college or university after marriage or they decide to study something they have been interested in after marriage. marriage may bring this placement extreme motivation and inspiration from their partner so they may want to complete everything at once as ideas keep coming and coming. this placement may find lessons to do with trust and talking behind each others backs, also learning how to stay within each others energy levels and keeping up with each other ideas and supporting each other in that sense.

spouse may have natal jupiter in gemini, 3rd house, air sign or air house.

jupiter in 4th house: marriage may bring luck in family relations. perhaps getting closer to family through marriage, visiting family more often after marriage, spending more time with the mother especially after marriage. this is also an indication of having luck in having a family of your own, so having kids may bring more luck in that field. having a comfortable home of your own will expand your luck, being comfortable in your own home is very important for example, having every detail of the house according to the way that makes you feel warm and cosy can make a different in your growth as a person. this placement is spiritually gifted with their intuition and learning to believe in themselves. Jupiter here has a lesson to never diss oneself and always believe in your abilities after marriage. through marriage connecting with ones ancestors may bring great fortune also.

spouse may have natal jupiter in cancer, 4th house, water sign or water house.

jupiter in 5th house: the couple may have luck in children. this placement really enhances the amount of children the couple may have, so most likely people with this placement have lots of children. also the couple may find happiness and expansion with children, perhaps it helps with their mental health, their spiritual journey, their mindset and their luck in general. also this placement may find growth in their confidence may grow in confidence and have their own way. also this placement most likely will be quite well known whether its within the community, neighbouring, worldwide etc. This placement finds growth in their ego, so usually after marriage their views of life and their mindset may drrastically change for the better especially after having kids.

spouse may have natal jupiter in leo, 5th house, fire sign or fire house.

jupiter in 6th house: marriage may bring luck to health and fitness. this placement may have fortune in their health for example getting more fitter by going to gym, eating more healthy, changing unhealthy life style, changing up their routine for the better after marriage. the couple may find expansion in the field of taking care of something, perhaps taking care of each other, taking care of pets, taking care of friends, taking care of grand-parents and so forth, however, that will bring luck. jupiter here may bring lessons it terms of criticality, judgement, lack of mentality and perfectionism after marriage. jupiter here brings luck in routine, their day-to-day life may be lucky for example someone with this placement may just get opportunities when going to the store or finding a valuable item while walking a dog and so forth.

spouse may have natal jupiter in virgo, 6th house, earth sign or earth house.

jupiter in 7th house: marriage may be favourable in having good relations to each others grandparents. this placement may experience lots of luck in law situations such as legal matters related to the government and documents. the couple may never be involved in problems related to the law or always have luck in that field. marriage may bring luck to connections and relations in general, you may have more ease connecting with other people, you may get on with people more easily. this may work to this placements favour as it can expand the amount of opportunities one can receive, getting more compliments, being liked by people you thought disliked you and so forth.

spouse may have natal jupiter in libra, 7th house, air sign or air house.

jupiter in 8th house: couple may have luck in keeping secrets, what i mean by that is they keep things private very well so that comes to an advantage to them because it shocks the people around them and question things like 'since when??' or 'whatt?' that sort of vibe. this placement keeps people wondering, guessing and interested in your marriage and this placement never gives them the satisfaction. this protects the couples privacy and protects their energy also. this protects the couple from negative energy which protects their luck. this is a very powerful placement to have since this expands the spiritual bond between he couple also. strategizing goals and researching and just planning in general may bring luck to this placement for example, planning outings, shopping, researching contracts and the background of the contract before signing, researching what holiday you'll be travelling to and so forth.

spouse may have natal jupiter in scorpio, 8th house, water sign or water house.

jupiter in 9th house: this placement brings luck to those who travel abroad, living outside of the environment that they grew up in will bring growth and extreme luck. another thing is that the couple may find luck in being enthusiastic and charismatic, also making jokes and taking things with a grain of salt, not over exaggerating stuff will be favourable for this placement. also marriage may be full of discovery, always learning, always exploring. being in a good relationship with parent-in-law brings luck to the marriage so being in good terms with spouses parents may be very favourable for this placement and may bring lots of opportunities related to travel, fulfilment, study and spiritual growth. another thing with this placement is that jupiter being in its home house, this is very expanding and broadening in terms of their conscious mind, jupiter can guide the couple in marriage and incline their mental and astral growth. basically, marriage is spiritually guided by the higher energies, marriage was meant to happen in order for this placement to achieve and complete their mission of this physical realm.

spouse may have natal jupiter in sagittarius, 9th house, fire sign or fire house.

jupiter in 10th house: marriage may bring luck in image of this placement. the couple may find luck in their career, may get promotions, upgrades, bonuses, movement to higher position etc etc. jupiter here gives luck in other peoples view about you, the vast majority of people may have a different perception of you in a good way after marriage. also marriage may bring reputation to your image that expands your opportunities and respect from other people. also people may find you more serious after marriage. an honourable thing to keep in mind with this placement is that over a certain period of time, jupiter brings severe luck through hard work and determination for this placement during marriage, marriage may strengthen and jupiter offers its full expansion later in life in this marriage. this is also an indication of a very long lasting marriage, even a marriage that last until old age.

spouse may have natal jupiter in capricorn, 10th house, earth sign or earth house.

jupiter in 11th house: marriage may find luck in social gatherings, groups and outings. couple may face extreme luck on social media and technology, for example may have a successful social media platform or have extreme luck with technology, long-lasting, fast running and so forth. marriage may expand social groups also, this placement may find more accepting and understanding friends after marriage especially. may also find their true friend group after marriage. this placement may also experience growth in expressing themselves the way its most authentically true to themselves and being comfortable about it after marriage. this is also a placement that brings unplanned events and turns it into the most luckiest thing ever, this placement may find the most luck through spontaneous events, events that happen through spite for example getting calls from an old friend to go to a café the next day, that day turns out to be one of the best, or another example may be getting invited to an important event having only a short period of time of notice, when arriving at event you see people that are well known and receiving offers from them and so on.

spouse may have natal jupiter in aquarius, 11th house, air sign or air house.

jupiter in 12th house: this placement may have luck in spirituality, the couple may be spiritually guided by the universe and have luck overseas. for example when travelling pay just have the best luck ever and may feel complete when travelling long distances in general. this placement often brings luck when it comes to sleeping, for example you may be guided when in bed with your partner if that makes ant sense, like you may feel better you may sleep better and you may even dream better. marriage may bring luck in artistic areas of life for example having luck in being an artist, singer, model, teacher, poet, also tarot reader. this placement may get oversea recognition in these artistic areas. marriage may expand the mind to prioritise mindfulness in order to not fall into dangerous addiction tendencies so it is very important to find peace and a healthy coping mechanism through spirituality.

spouse may have natal jupiter in pisces, in 12th house, water sign or water house.

thanks so much for reading, have a nice day ahead!🌛⭐🌼

[lesbo-tuliplvrr]

slumber party

bestfriend!abby x bestfriend!reader

summary: your best friend abby calls you up for a sleepover after having not spent time together in months.

clingy!abby, friends to lovers, college!abby, college!reader, fem!reader, y/n used once, medicalstudent!abby, fluff, minor angst but mostly it's one sided, no specific descriptions of reader other than them being shorter than abby and having their hair uncovered at night

wc: 3.2k

Abigail anderson. Your best friend since primary school. Your longest friendship. Your longest crush.

You hadn't always had a crush on Abby. Sure you loved her, but only really as a friend. That was, until junior year of highschool when her body had started noticeably changing. She started working out more, her biceps bulging through every tshirt. She had a growth spurt too, now almost towering over you. You yourself weren't that short but her stature made for a quite prominent difference.

You weren't usually shallow, But c'mon. Abby was already one of the best persons in your life; smart, caring, trustworthy. Turns out you only needed that little extra push to transform your platonic admiration for her into something else. This had been going on for 5 years and you had zero intention of ever letting her know.

It would just be way too risky, confessing something like that. What if she wanted to cut you off? What if she was disgusted by your feelings? What if being friends for so long bit you in the ass and she saw you more like a sister?!

And plus, dropping something like that on her when she was already swept up by her studies to become a doctor most of the time, would be horrible. You figured, you just had to let the feelings die. Of course it was taking much longer than expected, going onto the 6th year of having said crush, but it just had to be done.

So when Abby told you her dad would be out of town and that you should sleep over, you found yourself at a crossroads. You could go, and spend time with your best friend and it be a great night. Or you could go and be so incredibly uncomfortable hiding your feelings.

"Come on, we haven't had a slumber party in ages. I feel like we're always so busy we barely have any time for each other anymore. which is crazy for us!" Abby suggested as she spoke to you over the phone.

Yeah, totally not because I've been purposefully distancing myself to get rid of this festering crush.

You responded, "I mean , don't you have studying to do? I'll just distract you."

"Dont worry about me. Plus, you wouldn't distract me, you never do." She replied with her honey-like voice that would never cease to make you melt.

"We both know that's a lie but sure." You gave in. It was your best friend. Plus you really hadn't had time together in the past few months.

It was just a sleepover with Abby. All you had to do was act normal and it'd be fine. It's just Abby.

Abby answered the door when you arrived, immediately pulling you in a for a hug, stating how much she missed you and how long its been since you properly hung out, just the two of you.

"This place hasn't changed at all." you say, looking around at the familiar picture frames of her and her dad still plastered in their same spots on the walls.

"Yeah, we're both pretty busy all the time so," she trailed off. "You want anything to drink?" she asked, grabbing your overnight bag from you and heading to place it in her room.

"Nah, but I'll help myself, it's fine." you respond, following her into her room.

Her room has seen a few minor changes, none of which younwerent aware of though. It might have been years since you actually set foot into her bedroom, but you still saw it regularly. During your as frequent as possible facetime calls, you got to see through her camera the little changes she'd make to her walls. Even got to help in the decision process sometimes.

"It's been a while since you've been in here huh?" she asked, sitting on the edge of her bed, eyeing you as you peered at all her stuff.

"Yeah, cant believe how long it's been." you replied, distracted by the sheer amount of personality visible on her walls and desk.

Her college textbooks neatly tucked away on the side of her desk in a stack, near her pencil holder that held various shades of highlighters and pens. There were multiple pictures on the wall directly above her desk, along with many post it's of medical terms. Most of them were of her and her dad, or of her dog froma. few years ago, Alice. But right in the middle there were two of you and her. One from when you were much younger, closer to the time you first became friends and the other from your highschool graduation.

You made a mental note to take more pictures with her once you overcame your crush.

You looked around for a moment more, realising there was no mattress or anything on the ground. Sure, you slept on the same bed together before but that was when you were kids. Years ago.

"Soooo should I sleep on the couch or the ground?" you asked jokingly, secretly hoping she'd actually have an answer.

She laughed, "Oh come on, it might've been some time but we're not strangers." she joked with her beautiful smile.

Fuck.

You chuckled at this, hoping it seemed genuine and didn't expose the fear you felt of being so close to her for so long. Abby, however, noticed your shift in energy. Choosing not to say anything, she promptly changed the subject.

"Alright, what's for dinner?" she got up from the bed and led you both back out to the living room. Grabbing the TV remote, she put on one of her rnb playlists. "I was thinking we could cook something, chat and catch up for a bit then maybe watch a movie or something."

Gosh, she'd really thought this through. "Abby I hope that you don't have outstanding assignments due while you're doing all of this," you scolded her, already getting back into the groove of things.

She sighed, "Uugggghhh no, mom. I'll have you know that I am actually very ahead of my assignments. And even if I were behind, I'd still wanna be hanging with you tonight."

You looked at her with a raised eyebrow as she came around your frame to hug you from behind. You forgot how physically affectionate she was, and how much you missed it. You tried to not lean into it too much. The last thing you needed right now was to give yourself any false hope.

"I just- I really need this right now," she said with a sigh that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, dropping her head on your shoulder. You were so caught up in your own thoughts and feelings that you hadn't even stopped to think about how stressful school and everything must be for her. You turned your head slightly towards her, faces mere inches away from each other.

"I really need this right now and you're so fucking tense that I can't even give you a proper hug!" she stated, attacking you with tickles.

You screamed in laughter as she jammed her fingers into your sides, not giving up her mission to make you laugh. You tried running away but her grip on you was too strong, as expected of abby. Your attempts, however, did lead you to toppling over the couch, with her on top of you. She continued tickling you as you laughed, both smiling wide.

Through squeals and breaths you tried to reason it her, "Okay! Okay stop."

"There she is," she smiled, finally halting the tickles. You looked up at her, trying so very hard not to grab her by the collar and kiss her stupid.

She sat up, straddling your hips as you still lay on the couch, breathing heavily. You raised your head slightly, looking her directly in the eyes.

Gathering her breath, she started, "Okay. Now tell me, what's going on with you?" she asked, pushing her flyaways behind her ears.

Confused you asked, "Me?"

"Mhmm, you've been all distant and weird around me for quite some time." she supplied, hands resting on her thighs. her big, muscular thighs. snap out of it!

Shit, she noticed. "I-" you didn't know how to respond.

Worry evident on her face she continued, "Did I do something? Because if I did you gotta let me know, i- I've been so focused on school and-"

"No! no, n- it's not anything you've done. don't worry" you answered, "I guess I've just been feeling a bit...." you pulled something out your ass quickly, "lonely, lately."

Not entirely wrong. It was gonna have to work.

"I'm sorry." she replied, empathy clear on her face as she leaned forward to hold your arms. "But hey, I guess this came at the perfect time then huh? You won't be lonely tonight, I'll make sure of it. 'kay? Now let's go make something and you have to tell me everything that's been going on with you." she pat your thighs before coming off. Her weight would be a missed presence on your lap.

The music played at a comfortable volume as you two easily maneuver around the kitchen, cooking up a simple pasta dish. You talked about anything and everything, fully catching each other up on what the other had missed in their lives. In all your attempts at dodging her and keeping your distance, you'd forgotten why you two were best friends in the first place.

Abby was easy to talk to. She always knew how to cheer you up and how to comfort you. As did you to her. When you would hang out, there was always fun to ensue. Which is exactly why you fell in love with her. But as you were here, having chopped and prepared all the other ingredients and awaiting the water to boil, dancing and laughing around the kitchen hand in hand with Abby, you decided that just for tonight you could forget the complications that having a crush on Abby would cause and just lean into your best friend whom you missed so much.

When the meal was done, you both retreated to the couch where you sat closely next to each other in search of a movie to watch.

"I feel like nothing looks good," Abby stated, as she kept scrolling through the site.

"We could always hate watch something?" you suggested cheekliy, knowing that Abby was already not a big movie person and that it would be an utter waste of time for her to watch one that wasn't good.

"Ha ha very funny." she deadpanned, "What's that one you always wanted to watch when we were younger? Let's just watch that."

"Are you sure? Because you'll have to put up with me quoting almost the entire thing. And singing all of the songs." you weren't really asking seeing as she had already found the film, Tangled, and was ready to press play.

"I'll be fine pumpkin."

She hadn't called you that name in years. It was nice to hear it again.

As promised you quoted almost all of the movie, under your breath though, so as to not annoy Abby too much. It was more like a light whisper/lipsync. Unbeknownst to you, while you were thoroughly enjoying what was one of your favourite movies ever, Abby hadn't even been paying attention. She'd been looking at you for the majority of the film's runtime, only looking at the screen when you turned to look at her and found her not focused enough.

"You're missing important character development here Abby, he bought the apples for maximus!"

After the movie you both cleaned the dishes, then went to her room.

Another thing you forgot to consider in all your rumination, showering. You and Abby weren't the shower together type of best friends but it was definitely a 'not a big deal if we see each other naked' type of deal. So you'd often change into and out of clothes in front of each other with no problems. If the whole night so far wasn't gonna do it, this would be the fucking nail in the coffin. Abby, changing out of her clothes, right in front of you.

You didn't want to come off as suspicious by clearly turning away but you also didn't want to feel like a perv and look at her in her underwear, knowing full well that you wished it were under different circumstances. So you opted for casually directing your attention to somewhere else in the room as she stood naked a few feet in front of you.

"I guess I'll go in first," she annouced grabbing her towel and leaving the room.

You let out a breath you didn't realise you were holding as you quickly undressed and wrapped your towel around your body. You sat at the edge of her bed and waited for her to be done as you tried to calm your nerves.

It absolutely did not help your nerves when she stepped out of the bathroom and into her room, glistening from the shower. Muscles on full display, unbraided hair cascading down her back while some stuck to her face. She looked like a goddess. You quickly got up and headed into the shower, leaving her in her room to change.

It was like the more you decided to just let go of your feelings for Abby, the more she'd do things that made you fall for her all over again. You ended up taking way longer than usual in the bathroom, mustering up the courage to face her again while also trying to steady your heart rate.

Finally exiting the bathroom, changed and ready for bed, she closed the door, took off her bedroom light and hopped in right next to you. At first you both stayed silent, staring up at the ceiling, before she broke the silence.

"I'm really glad you were able to come," she expressed, turning on her side to face you.

You mimicked her position, scooting a little closer to the middle of the bed. "I'm glad I did."

You stared into each other's eyes for a moment, really taking the other in, before you spoke up again.

"You said you really needed this, what's going on with you?" you asked, poking a finger into her arm.

She looked down at where you touched her arm then back up into your eyes. Sighing with a smile, she responded, "School has been kinda stressful I guess, but to tell you the truth, I just missed you." She scooted closer to you, moving her hand from under her head to caressing yours.

No. She meant that as a friend of course. Do not get your hopes up again.

"You're tense again." she pointed out, hand still laying on your hair.

God, why was she so perceptive?!

"No I'm not?" you scoffed. Your deflection did not work on her.

"Yes you are. You've got that look in your eye again," she continued caressing your hair, "What's going on up there?"

You sat up, pulling away from her touch. She followed you in sitting upright on the bed.

You knew that lying about everything being fine would not work any better than it's been all day, so you figured you'd at least give her something.

"If I tell you, you might not want to hang around me anymore."

She looked at you incredulously. How could you ever think something like that? "Did you kill someone or something?" she teasingly suggested with a laugh, that being the only plausible situation in her head. She didn't miss how you looked at her, amusement absent on your face.

"Sorry, I just- no matter what it is, I won't stop being your friend y/n." she said seriously, one hand moving to touch your thigh.

"Please don't, because if I tell you and you really don't wanna be associated with me anymore it'll just hurt more." you barely got out, eyes becoming teary. You knew you were scared of something like this happening. Your increasing heartbeat and glassy eyes further proved just how terrified this made you.

If Abby wasn't worried before, she certainly was now. "Hey, I get to decide who stays in my circle and who doesn't okay?" She cradled your face.

You shook your head, still not giving into confession. "Everything's gonna change and I don't want it to so let's just forget it."

"If things have to change...then I'll just make sure it's for the better." How could she be so reassuring without even knowing what was going to be said? She held your chin, tilting your head to look at her.

With a sigh, you finally gave in, "I feel so much..love.....for you..since high school. And it's only gotten worse recently. I swear I've tried making it go away, I've tried so much. I don't wanna be a bad friend by springing this on you but i also know that trying and failing to hide it isnt doing me any favours either so.." Tears were streaming down your face, your sniffles becoming the most prominent sound in the room.

"And now because you know, things are never gonna be the same and I just wish I'd been better at hiding it. I wish I never had these feelings in the first place. Then this wouldn't be happening and I wouldn't have to lose my best friend right after we had so much fun together."

Abby was silent. Staring into your eyes, her expression unreadable. She looked down into her lap, a small smile growing on her lips, before looking back up at you.

She leaned forward till there was barely space in between the two of you. Abby glanced down at your lips then back up to your eyes, making it clear what she was referring to. "Can I?"

Your heart rate was through the roof. There's no way she wanted this too. "Are you not.. worried about how things are gonna be between us now?"

"I said I'd make sure the change was for the better, didn't I?"

"You can."

In what felt like zero time, Abby carefully crashed her lips onto yours. Her lips were soft, her touch gentle. It was exactly what you imagined this to be like.

Gently pulling away, she wiped your tears with her thumb, looking at you with so much love in her eyes you swore the rest of the world would now be void of it.

Through sniffles and smiles you apologized, "Sorry hah, I'm a mess."

"Did you really think I couldn't love you?" Abby asked, holding your face in her hands. "I've loved you before I even knew what love was, pumpkin."

Her efforts to wipe your tears were now fruitless, your eyes pouring out streams of emotion.

She pulled you in for a hug. This time, a proper one, without the weight of what could have been laying on your entire being. You shared one more kiss, Abby then kissing your forehead as you both lay down to finally sleep. A sleep void of worries and stress.

You were actually hers.

soooo sorry if that was basically 95% buildup for 5% payoff. I totally wrote this in a whim at late hours of the night. anyway, hope you enjoy. requests are open! to those whove requested, I am working on your stuff so have no fear :>

[kleopatra45]

Mercury in the House [Solar Return]

Mercury in the 1st House

When Mercury is in the 1st house of your Solar Return chart, communication and intellectual pursuits take center stage for the year. You may find yourself more curious, talkative, and eager to learn. Your ability to express yourself is heightened, making this a great year for networking, studying, or starting new projects that require mental agility. Be cautious of becoming overly nervous or scattered in your focus.

Mercury in the 2nd House

With Mercury in the 2nd house, your thoughts and conversations will revolve around finances, possessions, and personal values. This year, you might explore new ways to make money, manage resources, or assess your worth. Analytical thinking will aid in budgeting and investment decisions. Be mindful of not becoming too materialistic or overly worried about financial matters.

Mercury in the 3rd House

Mercury in the 3rd house emphasizes communication, learning, and short trips. This year, you may be more involved in writing, teaching, or engaging in frequent conversations. Your mind will be sharp, and you could take on new studies or skills. Siblings, neighbors, and your immediate environment play a significant role in your experiences. Watch out for becoming too scattered or superficial in your interactions.

Mercury in the 4th House

When Mercury is in the 4th house, thoughts turn towards home, family, and personal foundations. You may find yourself more involved in family matters or interested in genealogy and history. Communication within the home becomes crucial, and you might engage in home improvement projects or move residences. Emotional intelligence is essential to navigate family dynamics effectively.

Mercury in the 5th House

With Mercury in the 5th house, creativity, romance, and children are highlighted. This year, you might explore creative writing, engage in playful intellectual pursuits, or enjoy hobbies that stimulate your mind. Romantic relationships could involve more communication and mental connection. Be aware of becoming too critical or analytical in matters of the heart.

Mercury in the 6th House

Mercury in the 6th house focuses on work, health, and daily routines. You’ll likely be busy with work-related tasks, and your attention to detail will be sharp. This is an excellent time to organize your workspace, improve efficiency, and focus on health through diet and exercise. Avoid becoming overly worried about minor health issues or getting bogged down in mundane details.

Mercury in the 7th House

When Mercury is in the 7th house, partnerships and relationships take center stage. Communication with significant others, business partners, or close friends becomes crucial. This year, you may negotiate contracts, resolve conflicts, or discuss the future of your relationships. Be cautious of becoming too argumentative or overly reliant on others for mental stimulation.

Mercury in the 8th House

With Mercury in the 8th house, your thoughts dive into deep, transformative topics such as psychology, finances, and shared resources. You might engage in research, explore occult subjects, or deal with inheritances and taxes. Intense conversations and a desire for profound understanding mark this year. Be mindful of becoming too secretive or obsessive in your thinking.

Mercury in the 9th House

Mercury in the 9th house emphasizes higher learning, travel, and philosophical exploration. This year, you might pursue studies, travel abroad, or engage in discussions about religion, law, or ethics. Your mind will be open to new ideas and cultural experiences. Avoid being overly dogmatic or scattered in your intellectual pursuits.

Mercury in the 10th House

When Mercury is in the 10th house, career, and public image are in focus. This year, you might take on roles that require communication, writing, or teaching. Your professional reputation could be shaped by how effectively you express your ideas. Networking and strategic thinking will benefit your career. Be careful of becoming too consumed with public opinion or overly concerned with status.

Mercury in the 11th House

With Mercury in the 11th house, social connections, and future goals take precedence. This year, you might join groups, clubs, or organizations that align with your interests. Friendships and networking play a significant role in achieving your aspirations. Collaborative projects and innovative ideas will flourish. Avoid spreading yourself too thin or becoming overly dependent on group approval.

Mercury in the 12th House

Mercury in the 12th house brings a focus on introspection, spirituality, and hidden matters. This year, you might find yourself drawn to meditation, dreams, and subconscious exploration. Communication may take on a more private or secretive nature. Writing in a journal or engaging in solitary intellectual pursuits can be beneficial. Be mindful of becoming too reclusive or overwhelmed by unconscious fears.

Retrograde

Mercury retrograde in the houses of a Solar Return chart signifies a year of introspection, reevaluation, and revisiting past issues related to the themes of each house. Communication may be more reflective and internalized, with possible misunderstandings and delays in these areas.

In the 1st house, it prompts self-reflection and identity reassessment

In the 2nd house, a reevaluation of finances and values

In the 3rd house, reconsideration of communication and local interactions

In the 4th house, reflection on family and home life

In the 5th house, rethinking creativity and romance

In the 6th house, revisiting work and health routines

In the 7th house, reassessing relationships

In the 8th house, deep introspection on shared resources and transformations

In the 9th house, reconsideration of beliefs and long-distance matters

In the 10th house, reevaluation of career and public image

In the 11th house, reflection on friendships and future goals

In the 12th house, a deep dive into the subconscious and hidden aspects of life.

©️kleopatra45

[ukiyowi]

𝐏𝐄𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐎 (𝟏𝟏𝟖)

𝑃𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑢𝑎𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑆𝑒𝑑𝑢𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

Peitho is the Greek goddess of persuasion, seduction and charming speech. In my opinion, wherever Peitho is in your chart, it shows in what way are you persuasive and seductive, what areas can you persuade people. 

Masterlist

⟲ Houses: 

Ⱄ 1st - So determined and have very high self-esteem, may feel empowered through sexual liberation, you use your confidence and authoritive aura to seduce and get people to do what you want, honestly low-key can make anyone listen to you, you may notice a lot of people getting easily swayed by you, may embody traits of Peitho to a certain extent. 

Ⱄ 2nd - Can easily get money from people around them, may get a lot of material gifts without having to ask for them, can influence people's choices about financial decisions, good at talking business and getting people to spend, sensual and sweet, extremely feminine and may have slow elegant movement. People may not agree, but femme fatale energy as well. 

Ⱄ 3rd - Charming speech really charming, they can get people to do whatever they want using a few sweet words. Silver tongue, great sales people, can sell and pitch ideas really well. May be the type to be an academic, use their intellect and knowledge to seduce people, also good at spreading rumours. 

Ⱄ 4th - Welcoming and warm, persuade people through making them think it was their idea on the first place, manipulative, make people feel at home and get your way through creating a comfortable space, nurturing instincts that can make people imagine having a family with you may garner a lot of suitors who want to start a family.

Ⱄ 5th - They're really creative and their originality is what gets people to listen and makes them curious, great teachers, kids always listen to them, big movements, their way of doing things is grandiose, could be a bit of a tease, I've seen these people dance and they look very attractive and in their element. 

Ⱄ 6th - People always listen to them when it comes to health or routine, for example people with this placement could advice someone to change their diet and the person would instantly agree or try to do as advised, straightforward when trying to persuade someone, mind over matter in terms of seduction, seduces through promises of giving more than receiving.

Ⱄ 7th - My friend has this placement and she's a matchmaker, can persuade people to either get into relationships or out of them, have a great eye for red flags, polite can be a bit condescending, they may use their demure demeanour to seduce people, may have the whole "good girl/boy" "girl/boy next door" thing going. 

Ⱄ 8th - Just powerful in general, convincing in regards to matters related to family property and finances, may be good at persuading people to learn more about the occult and make them interested in it, intense and mysterious seduction, pull people in who like the chase like a cat and mouse game, could pull anyone they want to be honest.

Ⱄ 9th - Make for great academics and can be the type to be able to easily recruit people into a religious organisation/making people believe in multiple religions/gods, good at convincing people to travel with them or accompany them (even if it's to the grocery store) fast paced, see seduction as a weapon to wield, direct and honest, a little clumsy.

Ⱄ 10th - The ability to make or break someone's reputation honestly, whatever they say in a work setting is taken seriously, motivate co-workers to work hard, if they spread a rumour about someone at the workplace people will take it as truth, can persuade people to change career paths, seduce through smizes, bold yet reserved body language and wit. 

Ⱄ 11th - Have such a huge influence on their friend group and community, easily persuade people to be more giving to the community, carry out humanitarian acts, donate, persuade people to alter or change political beliefs and friends, seduce by being different, their eccentricity pulls people in because its unique, fluid in terms of they can make themselves be anyone's ideal type. 

Ⱄ 12th - My friend has this placement part 2, helps and persuades people to move on from past trauma and heal themselves, are able to convince people to get rid of their limiting beliefs and this placement has a healer role almost. Seduction caused by looking/seeming dreamy and making themselves seem unattainable, use fashion to go for the kill. 

xoxoxo

All Rights Reserved Ukiyowi. Do not steal or plagiarise or reword and claim as your own!

[martian-astro10]

Lord of a house aspecting that house

Okay, so just so clear things up, this is a very tiny thing and cannot do anything alone. It has to be supported by other factors as well. For ex: if your 2nd lord is aspecting the 2nd house, but the 2nd lord itself is in 6,8,12 houses, is afflicted, debilitated or in it's marana karaka, then it won't do much since the MAIN thing is in a bad position. It's like (I'm so bad at analogies but...bear with it), your gums and teeth are healthy so flossing your teeth just maintains the already good state, it removes small food particles stuck here and there. but if the gums and teeth are rotten then what will flossing do? Nothing. (The analogy is so bad i can't 😭😭)

1st lord aspecting the 1st house makes a person have a strong personality. They know what they want and how to get it. Have a good head on their shoulders (I know a person with this who also has ketu in 1st and he acts like a headless person anyways, so....). They can gain a lot of money through family business.

2nd lord aspecting the 2nd house makes the person gain through their family. Can get a LARGE inheritance. They can be very persuasive as well. Most of the times, have quite a large Appetite and this can make them fat.

3rd lord aspecting the 3rd house makes the person courageous and intelligent. Many actors and talk show hosts that are known for their wittiness have this. Can be very close with their siblings and school friends. They are creative and have a talent for constantly coming up with unique ideas.

4th lord aspecting the 4th house makes the person feel extremely close to their mother. She may have a huge influence in what decisions they make about their life. They can gain a lot of money through real estate. They will always support their family members no matter how they are.

5th lord aspecting the 5th house can make someone a successful actor, from what I noticed. You'll see this everywhere, but these people indeed have good children. I know two people with this and they have both treated their kids so badly but the kids still love them and I feel so sad, cuz bro, abandon them, who cares. Can have succesful short term romantic relationships, even if you breakup with someone it won't be that bad. Have the ability to convert their hobbies into a professional career. Can have a great relationship with their kids, I mean, my mom has this, and me and my sister couldn't have asked for someone better.

6th lord aspecting the 6th house is perfect for surviving in this era of capitalism. They will never be in debt and are good at financial management. A good immune system, don't easily get sick. They never remain unemployed for a long period of time. All your enemies will disappear from your life, like, if someone bullies you, they will have to pay their karma.

7th lord aspecting the 7th house is good for marriage and business partnerships. Can have good interpersonal skills. The spouse can resemble their "ideal type" very closely. Have a good public image. Good for settling abroad as well. People who openly oppose you will also get defeated.

8th lord aspecting the 8th house can make someone a great psychologist. Gives a heightened intuition. Sex life can be good. Can make them the best in their career. Can get a large inheritance from in laws. This also makes a person interested in magic and other things that are considered to be taboo, so they'll be interested in exploring it and may have a talent in it as well.

9th lord aspecting the 9th house is one of the best aspects that one can have, since 9th house is literally the house of luck. Can make a person lucky in general, even if they end up in a bad situation they get out of it very easily. Can have a great relationship with their father. Are usually very very intelligent and have the ability to read between the lines. I know a few people with this and the way they're able to grasp things is so fascinating, they actually use their brain. This also indicates abroad settlement. A lot of spiritual gurus have this.

10th lord aspecting the 10th house makes a person well liked by other people. Their bosses love them and that helps in career. They will always get recognised for their work. Can achieve a high social status. This also gives a good relationship with mother in law and not just "good" but good in the sense that she may be a business woman who will help them in their career goals.

11th lord aspecting the 11th house is another lucky position. Can give enormous amount of wealth. They have friends who help them climb the social ladder. This can give a large inheritance as well. Can give the same results as 10th house, except mother in law.

12th lord aspecting the 12th house also indicates abroad settlement. Can have psychic abilities (I would really recommend you guys to work on them). They can have a good sex life as well. Can be good healers. Can be good artists and writers as well.

Also, i forgot to add, it's a vedic system, so use sidereal and whole signs and aspects work differently in vedic, it's not according to sextiles, trines, squares. Most of the planets only aspect the house opposite from it. Saturn aspects 3,7,10 from it. Jupiter aspects 5,7,9 from it. Mars aspects 4,7,8 from it. All the others only aspect the 7th from it.

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[cyberclouddream]

What You Tend to Use Social Media For

Things we tend to seek and/or share on social media. Recommend looking for Mercury first. Also, whichever sign rules over your 11th House, look for whichever house that sign naturally rules over, e.g. Cancer/4H, Sagittarius/9H, Libra/7H, Aquarius/11H.

Gemini/Mercury in the 1st House

- to show off your personality traits and quirks, what makes you interesting

- fashion updates, like outfit and style experiments

- sharing mundane daily activities

- to create a particular public image

- instant reactions to events or trending topics

- to use your humor or wit to attract followers or engagement

- creating FOMO, lmao

- to experiment with social media trends

- to post controversial topics/challenge norms

- to seek likes and comments for self-esteem boosts

Gemini/Mercury in the 2nd House

- personal finance hacks or budgeting advice

- to post luxury items or flaunt purchases

- personal value discussion, like what’s truly important to them

- for marketing research, like judging product reviews

- promoting side hustles, businesses, or services

- to hunt for discounts or offers online

- gift ideas

- investment ideas, like stocks or crypto

Gemini/Mercury in the 3rd House

- to post about happenings in the neighborhood or community

- to engage in debates

- share updates or funny stories about family members

- post poetry, short stories, or personal anecdotes

- advertise local events or gatherings

- share educational resources or articles

- to vent about everyday frustrations

- microblogging

- posting thought-provoking questions

Gemini/Mercury in the 4th House

- family updates, like gatherings or milestones

- home projects or renovations

- childhood memories, like sharing old photos and stories

- showcase local businesses or attractions, supporting community

- personal growth experiences

- family or cultural traditions

- pet updates

- to rally support for family members

- to discuss family troubles openly

Gemini/Mercury in the 5th House

- post artwork, crafts, or performances

- date night ideas, like romantic spots

- parenting chronicles, lol

- viral social media challenges

- highlight hobbies or interests

- celebrate achievements

- flirtation, online dating

- promote fun activities

- encouraging others to participate in events or projects

Gemini/Mercury in the 6th House

- how to manage stress or workload

- health hacks and wellness tips

- productivity routines

- job milestones

- fitness challenges

- volunteer opportunities

- health struggles

- day-in-the-life posts

- job market trends

Gemini/Mercury in the 7th House

- relationship status updates, like breakups or dating life

- collaborative projects

- group discussions, like conversations about issues or shared interests

- relationship advice

- event planning, like gatherings or parties

- gossiping about friends

- insights about balancing relationships and independence

- to rally support for friends in tough personal times

- asking followers for advice on relationships decisions

Gemini/Mercury in the 8th House

- sharing intimate thoughts, like fears or deep feelings

- discuss finances, like tips on managing shared resources or investments

- to explore vulnerability with intimacy and trust

- personal growth stories

- to talk about change, like life transitions and transformations

- crowdsourcing solutions

- to engage in deep conversations on profound topics

- to discuss loss, grief, and/or coping mechanisms

- to seek closure

Gemini/Mercury in the 9th House

- travel stories

- cultural insights

- education advocacy, like promoting courses or learning resources

- debating beliefs, like philosophical or political

- inspirational quotes

- global issues

- book recommendations

- sharing experiences through videos or photos

- connecting with others from diverse backgrounds

- encouraging exploration, to inspire others to step outside of comfort zones

Gemini/Mercury in the 10th House

- sharing career milestones

- networking posts, like opportunities and connections through peers

- personal branding, promoting your craft or projects

- seek career advice or industry insights

- discuss ambitions, sharing dreams and goals

- showcase participation in community

- sharing learning experiences

- work/life reflections

- to shift public perceptions, especially after setbacks

- host Q&A sessions

- mentorship opportunities or anything related to guidance/support culture

Gemini/Mercury in the 11th House

- to grow your social circle

- to join causes or charity work

- posting about community events or group outings

- share friend’s achievements and milestones

- discuss future goals, like collective ambitions and aspu

- connect with like-minded people

- to debate societal changes or movements

- to organize or participate in virtual hangouts [ like Discord, virtual worlds ]

Gemini/Mercury in the 12th House

- share personal struggles, like mental health issues or personal battles

- reflect on dreams and fantasies

- document experiences of solitude or self-discovery

- spiritual conversations, like spiritual beliefs or mystical experiences

- posting anonymously about sensitive tooics

- using creative outlets like poetry or art to convey deeper feelings

- discuss unconventional ideas

- seek support through online communities

- content related to the mysterious, like astrology or the occult

- post about reflections or meditation

[cosmicpuzzle]

Mercury in Houses

Mercury in 1st House

You are an intellectual person and have a lot of questions. You are curious and restless. You may have difficulty slowing down your mind. You are quick witted and mercurial (especially in signs Gemini, Virgo, Aries). You learn a lot from experiences than textbooks. You can be proud intellectually or don't appreciate others viewpoints.

Mercury in 2nd House

Your mind is often focused on financial matters and wealth. You often think about increasing your income. You have a good mind for selling and commerce and may succeed in business. You can micromanage your finances. You may be a good speaker too.

Mercury in 3rd House

You have an active mind, and you are good at writing and communication. You are a quick learner and may be employed in customer care, IT and education sector. You love short travels on cycles, bikes, trains and cars. You can have a lot of contacts.

Mercury in 4th House

You can be bit introverted, and your feelings are strong. You are interested in psychology and the past. You are interested in human behavior. You are nostalgic and remember things from the past. You can change residences often.

Mercury in 5th House

You are interested in love and romance. You are communicative and flirty in love. Your thoughts are on romance and fun often. You can be a creative person and do well with storytelling. You like to read romantic novels and may publish storybooks for children. You can be good at stockmarket.

Mercury in 6th House

You can be nervous and interested in health, diet and hygiene. You are a hard worker and do well in fields related to numbers, accounting and documents. You are good in solving day to day problems practically and efficiently.

Mercury in 7th House

You are attracted to people who are intelligent, witty and communicative and seek these attributes in a partner. Intellectual rapport with others is important to you. You need to feel that you can discuss any aspect of your relationship with your partner. You are suited to public relations work, as you enjoy meeting people and dealing with the public in general.

Mercury in 8th House

You have a deep interest in occult and metaphysics. You can be uncommunicative and reserved. You are good at research and investigation. You may be good at managing other's assets and in corporate finance.

Mercury in 9th House

You are interested in higher knowledge, philosophy and spiritual matters. You are motivated to broaden your horizons. You can travel abroad for education and may be good at learning foreign languages.

Mercury in 10th House

Your mind is focused on professional achievement. You are suited to business, academic work, writing, journalism, politics and the communication industries. You have organizational skills, leadership capabilities and the ability to make executive decisions. You enjoy variety in your profession and may hold down more than one job or seek a career that constantly tests your skills.

Mercury in 11th House

Spending time with your friends is important to you. You belong to common interest groups or societies. A natural networker, you are able to bring people together for a purpose or cause.

Mercury in 12th House

You need to create a space in your life where you can retreat into your own private thoughts. You are quite happy in your own company and tend to prefer to work alone or behind-the-scenes. You may forget things easily.

For Readings DM

[stellarsagittarius]

How would you meet your future husband / wife - Based on Jupiter/Venus Persona Chart Pt. 1

[P.s. Please follow me on Instagram and Tiktok @/Stellar_Sagittarius I post even more astrology content on it and it's a business I'm trying to grow. Your presence means a lot to me ❤️.]

Masterlist: All my astrology posts at one place

(If you are looking for a man, check your Jupiter Persona Chart. If you are looking for a woman, check your Venus Persona Chart)

(Disclaimer: Don't be fixed on this reading! Always have an open mind because the Universe works the best when you have trusted and let go of expectations! Also, the chart won't tell you the exact place or time or how you would feel about something, no one can do that. What it WILL tell is the theme that can be the most prevalent during that event, and how the event can play out.)

Step 1 - Go to Astro.com -> Horoscopes drawing and data -> Extended chart selection -> Select chart type 'Persona Chart' -> Click on 'Additional Objects -> Manual entry '1585'.

Asteroid 1585 is the Union asteroid. It can show how you can "meet" or "come together" with someone.

Fun fact: I checked this Union asteroid in my composite charts with my friends, siblings, my mobile phone, colleagues, and everything fit so well like puzzle peices.

What we will look in the Jupiter/Venus Persona Chart is the Union asteroid, it's sign, house, and the placement of the ruler of it's sign.

For example, in the composite chart of my phone and I, Union is in the 7th house of Aries, and the ruler of Aries (Mars) is in the 6th house of Pisces. When I went to buy my current phone it was an impulse decision, I was with my father. We were returning from my college (he picks me up everyday, so it's our little routine (6th house)). We were driving (Mars theme) and I was with someone (7th house). He said, "Why not let's go and get you the new phone?" Very unusual of my father because he is very slow and thoughtful person. And just then we went to buy it. It was an impulse buy.

And this is just one of the many examples.

Let's get into reading the Union Asteroid in your Jupiter/Venus Persona Chart.

Union Asteroid Through The Houses

Union in the 1st House -

The first house is all about "yourself". So think of you initiating something. Perhaps you approach this person, or you are the one who initiates the conversation. You could be the center of attention, or you catch the attention of your partner, whether it's your looks or personality. "You" are the focus. This is related to a place where you would stand out or play an important role with your mindset/ideas. They could even approach you, simply because they are interested in getting to know you. If Union asteroid in your chart has a 11th or 3rd or 9th house connection, then they could come across your "profile" on social media.

Union in the 2nd house -

The second house rules our values, possessions, beliefs, our body language, resources, personal finances, etc. There are plenty of situations related to this, going for shopping, while making a purchase, at a restaurant, taking part in some workshop to improve your skills etc. This is a situation where you are focused on your resources, and your skills. This could also be at a bank or shopping centers. Maybe this person changes your beliefs in your first meeting, or perhaps you meet them because you saw their car, and you absolutely loved it so you wanted to ask what model it was. You could have made some changes to your body when you met them.

Union in the 3rd house -

3rd house rules communication, locality, processing information, short distances, siblings, it rules personal communication and also the "media" part of social media. So you could first come across them on social media, like seeing them for the first time. You can meet through siblings or in your local areas. You can meet in high school as well. Some places are news stations, broadcasting companies, daily newspaper/magazine supplier, a bookstore, stationery, elementary school, through blogging or vlogging, through writing. Perhaps they write you letters or leave you notes. Or since you met them, you both talk nonstop/sharing information 24/7.

Union in the 4th house -

Our 4th house is all about home, privacy, security, comfort, our deeper emotions, family, the part of ourselves that we don't show to just anyone, could also depict the people very close to us. So think of meeting this person "through the comfort of your home", good for introverts! This is giving social media, because you don't have to go out somewhere. They just slide into your DMs or your slide into theirs ;) . Internet is a good example because we can use it at our comfort. We can do so much by just being at our home through the internet. Other examples is meeting through your family, perhaps your mom introduces you to them. Or maybe they are a delivery person, an electrician or a service worker who comes to your house to like fix the AC or something! This meeting would feel very cozy. Perhaps getting to talk with each other takes some time!

I have this in the composite chart with one of my best friends. Union in Aries 4th House. She is extremely introverted and shy. We met through the internet, she just randomly slide in my DMs. I was at home chilling in my PJs, and received her message. She had this "other account" through which she messaged me, due to her "privacy reasons". But she just overcame her overthinking and made the first move (Aries energy). Lol I still wonder how brave of her was to text me, she is super introverted! Oh, and also, the ruler of our 4th house is Mars, in 12th house. So the account that she texted me on, was an account that didn't have my real name or picture, it was a little self care niche account. Plus her own pfp was of only her eyes. So kinda sus energy lol with the 12th house.

Union in the 5th house -

Fifth house is all about creativity, pleasure, joy, having fun doing this or that, sex, hobbies, children etc. Places associated with the 5th house are amusement parks, art schools, cinemas, theme parks, movie sets, waterparks, nightclubs as well, etc. Think of pursuing a hobby or doing something solely for the pleasure it brings you, you could meet this person through that. This is also giving collaboration, for a creative project. Shared interests and hobbies! It could also start off as a one night stand or perhaps you both are very flirty with each other from the start. Every couple flirts ofc, but yours is emphasised! So think of teasing or being very playful with each other! Could indicate meeting through children! Perhaps you met at a kindergarten, aww!

Union in the 6th house -

6th house is ✨️That Girl✨️ house. It rules, routines, organization, health, fitness, pets, work ethic, the physical self care, the material realm, getting your life in order, etc. Think of going to run errands or going to the gym and bumping into this person. Perhaps you are out taking your dog for a walk, or going for a run, and you meet this person. This house rules all the mundane, daily life stuff. Perhaps they ask you for the directions when you meet them. This also rules parking lots, roads, vehicles, hospitals, daycare, salon, the vet. This is very routined. Perhaps this is someone you see everyday while going to work, but never got the chance to say hi.

Union in the 7th house -

The 7th house is all about others. It is more one on one, than a group. So think, when you meet them, the focus will completely be on getting to know the other person. Like completely immersed in the conversation, totally focused on each other's company. Someone else can introduce you both. This is like the definition of "meeting". You met, and now you both are genuinely interested in each other. The places could be anywhere you would directly approach them, instead of seeing them here and there or having something else as a focus. Dating apps is a good example, but only if your focus is on them, rather than other people on it.

This is in the composite chart of my bestie and I. I was talking to a friend, and my bestie just approached me. And we got to know each other just like that. It was in high school, about 5 years ago. We just became friends right away!

Union in the 8th house -

8th house is about what you share with someone else, transformation, secrets, bonds, joint resources, marriage, sex (as in bonding with someone, and not necessarily pleasure), other people's stuff, etc. The places associated with the 8th house could be banks, someone else's house, private clubs/bars, private offices, VIP lounges, etc. Someone else could play a part in this meeting or you can meet through some sort of joint collaboration. This is also giving, "Oh you left your diary at that coffee table a week ago, I had to give it back to you!" Somebody or something will help you come together. You could also bond with each other pretty quickly! Wingwoman/wingman energy!

Union in the 9th house -

9th house represents travel, long distances, foreign, higher education, other cultures, languages, adventure, universities, philosophy, spirituality & religion (the philosophical/moral/practical aspect of it), etc. So meeting your s/o through travel or while you are exploring something. Perhaps while you are in college/university. Meeting them through religion or shared spiritual interests. Perhaps a course where you are learning about other cultures or languages. Classic travel meeting. Could meet on an airplane or a long distance train. The relationship itself could start out as long distance. If this has 4th house or Gemini/Cancer connections, then meeting online/at your comfort, but being long distance!

Union in the 10th house -

10th house rules our public image, our career, the part of ourselves that shines the most. It rules buildings, workplaces, companies, public parks or public places. This could also represent our public profiles online, such as for work or businesses. So yes, meeting through your work is significant. Could be a business meeting at first. If there are relations to 5th and 8th houses then it could be to collab on something creative! You could meet through your boss. And keeping the work aspect aside, if you are someone with a public profile online just because you want it so, it's also a 10th house thing. An aspect of your public image will be highlighted! Your work and career will be significant.

Union in the 11th house -

This is the classic friends to lovers placement, no matter how slow or fast it is. 11th house rules communities, friendships, social groups, hope and ideals, long term plans/visions, "social" part of social media, being an influencer or having an audience, networking, building your career, etc. This is a very social house and this meeting will have a focus on networking, becoming friends etc. Perhaps this is a meeting through friends, or meeting at a networking party. They could see you online or be intrigued at the work you do. Perhaps they want to work with you.

Union in the 12th house -

Twelfth house is the house of unconscious, mysteries, theories, conspiracies, hidden, mystical, fantasies, imagination etc. Everything to do with the mind, and not the things that are practical or "material" enough. This is the spiritual realm, the realm of unseen. This also rules isolation, mental health, heavy contemplative states. It rules prisons or hospitals (in a way that you are isolated). Meditation retreats are ruled by 12th house as well. Places that are far away and where we take the journey alone. So yes, meeting when you are alone, or even an account messaging you where the owner is hidden (not saying talk to strangers, but you get my point). This meeting could start out as a secret or won't be apparent to other people. You both could meet at a place where you both are alone, etc. You both could connect over the matters of spirituality and mysticism.

This is it!

You can book a reading with me, text me, I'll respond. I just made this blog so I'm yet to create an official post regarding booking readings!

Stay tuned for the next part!! ✈️✨️

[botanicalsword]

Astrology observations - Aspects in Natal Chart

A closer look into the astrological influences

Venus in the 3rd House - Love Connections through Communication

they tend to form romantic connections through online platforms or communication channels.

It is not uncommon for them to find love through online dating or develop deep connections with others through engaging conversations.

Venus in the 5th House - Love, Romance, and Pleasure

They have a strong inclination towards love and romance. they thrive on the feeling of being loved and adored, also enjoying the thrill of being pursued. Their love life is often filled with passion and excitement, and they may attract those who share similar interests and hobbies.

Venus in the 12th House - The Complexity of Secret Admirers

They are likely to encounter situations where you have secret admirers or find themselves secretly admiring someone else. These hidden romantic feelings may lead to complicated situations, unconsciously or even entanglements in love triangles.

Venus-Saturn - Authenticity

They value authenticity and substance over empty sweet talk. They are attracted to people who show integrity and responsibility in relationships. Rather than being swept away by romantic gestures, they appreciate partners who demonstrate their love through actions and reliability.

Jupiter in the 8th House - Unexpected Financial Gains

They are likely to experience unexpected financial windfalls. Opportunities for earning money through fortunate circumstances or investments may come their way. Seize the opportunities and make the most of them.

Sun in the 6th House - Work Ethic and Health Focus

They have a strong work ethic and a focus on health-related matters. They are dedicated to their work and often find fulfillment in jobs or activities related to wellness and self-care.

Sun in the 7th House - Building Connections and Partnerships

They excel in building connections and partnerships. They thrive in collaborative environments and can easily attract influential people who can help they achieve their goals. Developing strong relationships is an essential part of their success.

Sun in the 8th House - Entrepreneurial Spirit

They inclined towards business ventures and entrepreneurship. They have the drive and determination to succeed in their own ventures, and financial matters hold great significance in your life.

Sun-Mars aspect - A Competitive Spirit; a strong competitive drive

They thrive in challenging situations and never back down easily. The more intense the competition, the more determined you become. They have more perseverance and resilience to overcome obstacles and succeed.

Sun-Saturn aspect - Discipline and Self-Improvement

They focus more on self-discipline and self-improvement. They have a strong sense of responsibility and are motivated to achieve their goals.

Sun-Pluto aspect - Ambition and Strategic Thinking

They have a natural ambition and a strategic mindset. They excel in situations that require calculated decision-making and have a knack for navigating power dynamics. They are not afraid to take risks and are driven by a desire for success and influence.

Moon in Taurus / Leo / Virgo / Scorpio / Capricorn / Aquarius - Slow to Start, Hard to Let Go

They are not easily swayed into starting new romantic relationships. While they may have desires to explore new connections, they find it challenging to decide to pursue them. Additionally, once they become emotionally invested in a relationship, it is difficult for them to let go, even if it is no longer serving their highest good.

Mercury in Scorpio - Powerful and Precise Communication

They are known for their direct and precise communication style. Your words carry weight and often leave a lasting impact on those around you. People may have grown accustomed to your succinct and insightful remarks. >> more on Mercury signs

Saturn in the 1st House - Self-Doubt and Comparison

They may often find themselves doubting their capabilities and comparing themselves to others. This self-doubt is often fueled by external comparisons made by those around you. Recognize their own worth and not let the opinions of others define their self-esteem.

✧

More: >> Air Moon & their Venus • Romances >> Fire Moon & their Venus • Romances >> Water Moon & their Venus • Romances >> Earth Moon & their Venus • Romances

>> Back to Masterlist ✧ Explicit Content ✧ Book a Reading

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✧

[elysiansparadise]

Uranus in 6H

Uranus in the 6th house

These natives are people who see the bigger picture, see a sea of ​​possibilities in a situation and can stand out in many areas, including work due to their intellect. They are people who prefer to work without bosses and without demanding environments or schedules. Office or routine jobs can be a problem for them. They have a creative mind and may prefer to experiment with their hobbies or do things differently than others or like they did in the past. They choose to work or do activities where they can do things their own way, they like innovation and creative freedom, it is worth mentioning that for them it is crucial to feel that they can express themselves freely. They can get bored very easily, especially if it is a very repetitive job or task. Many of them may have a tendency to multitask and sometimes their mind becomes restless so they seek to do various things to occupy themselves. They are people who practice different activities as hobbies, and there may be one in particular in which they are seen as very skilled by other people. It is very likely that they will make many friends at work, or at least good colleagues. 

At a work level, it is very likely that these natives will stand out a lot, not only for their way of doing things, but among their co-workers, because according to them they may have a certain charm. They opt for professions where they themselves can take charge of the situation, important decisions or where they do things their own way. They can work in areas such as the internet, sciences of all kinds, in airports, or places related to travel. These people may experience sudden changes in their employment situation, such as job or role changes within the same company, or unexpected workplace restructuring. It is a common placement for entrepreneurs or people starting a business. They know how to listen to and validate the opinions of others as well as how to say what they think without cutting themselves. They can be very good leaders. They are truly altruistic people without taking it to the extreme of losing themselves in the process, they will help whoever wants to be helped and will not try to "save" or "heal" other people, rather be a support and company. 

Their mind operates quickly, they seem like an idea machine. It seems like they always have or try to have a project going on, rarely do they feel like they can enjoy their day off doing nothing [at least not without feeling guilty]. They can be prone to stress easily, in addition, this placement tells us about the possibility of having more than one job simultaneously. Overthinker tendencies, they may think and worry excessively about the future, which is a source of stress for them. These natives are an excellent support for the people they consider friends. It is very possible that they are very loved and quickly appreciated by animals as well, coming to have a significant bond with some of them. For them, teamwork is not difficult, since they are always willing to maintain unity in the group in which they work, they help others without problem.

-> Go back to the masterlist

[kathlare]

inked in love

Lando Norris x Amelie Dayman

Summary: After a successful qualifying session in Montreal, Lando Norris finds himself in a tattoo shop with his boss, Zak Brown, who’s getting a commemorative tattoo. Inspired by their playful banter, Lando decides to make a bold, sentimental gesture for Amelie, marking a small piece of himself with a tribute to her.

Wordcount: 1.0 k

Warnings: just fluff

request over here!

June 6th, 2024 - Montreal, Canada

The streets of Montreal were buzzing with fans and excitement as Lando Norris walked out of the McLaren motorhome after a solid qualifying session. He had bagged P3, and while it wasn’t pole, it was still a prime spot to fight for the podium—and maybe even a win. Zak Brown, his boss and occasional partner-in-crime, clapped him on the back with a wide grin.

—Good job today, kid,— Zak said. —You earned yourself a night off. What do you say we head to that tattoo shop I mentioned?—

Lando smirked. Zak had been talking about this tattoo ever since his Miami win last month. He wanted to commemorate the team’s victory with a track outline on his forearm.

—Sure,— Lando said with a shrug. —Why not? Let’s get you inked up, boss.—

As they walked into the tattoo shop, the smell of antiseptic and ink greeted them. The place was modern, with sleek black furniture and walls adorned with framed artwork. Zak looked around like a kid in a candy store, while Lando leaned casually against the counter, texting Amelie.

Lan🧡: Guess where I am.

Ames💛: Considering the time? A bar or a bad decision.

Lan🧡: Close. Tattoo shop with Zak.

Ames💛: OMG, no way. Is Zak actually doing it?

Lan🧡: Yep. Miami track. Says it’s “team spirit.” 😂

Ames💛: Love that for him. Are YOU getting one? 👀

Lan🧡: Tempted. What should I get?

Ames💛: Hmm… a tribute to your incredible girlfriend? Maybe my face on your arm.

Lan🧡: Bold choice. What about your name?

Ames💛: Nah, too basic. Do an “A” or something cute.

Lan🧡: Bet.

Ames💛: You wouldn’t.

Lan🧡: Watch me.

Lando chuckled at their banter, but as he looked around the shop, an idea sparked in his mind. It was reckless, maybe even stupid, but it was also... perfect.

When Zak got called to the chair, Lando casually approached one of the artists, a young woman with bright purple hair.

���Hey,— he said, lowering his voice. —Think you could fit me in for something small?—

The artist raised an eyebrow, glancing over at Zak, who was laughing as he showed the artist his design.

—What are we talking about?— she asked.

Lando tapped his shoulder, just below the edge of his shirt sleeve. —A small ‘A’ here. Simple, clean, nothing fancy.—

The artist nodded. —Easy enough. You sure about this?—

Lando grinned. —Completely.—

While Zak was busy wincing through his session, Lando slipped into the second chair. The artist prepped his shoulder, and as the needle buzzed to life, he felt a mixture of excitement and nerves.

—This your first tattoo?— she asked as she worked.

—Yeah,— Lando admitted. —But it’s for someone special, so I think it’s worth it.—

The tattoo didn’t take long—just a few minutes of sharp pressure before the artist leaned back with a satisfied nod.

—All done,— she said, handing him a mirror.

Lando craned his neck to look at the tiny ‘A’ etched onto his skin. It was subtle, just a couple of centimeters tall, but it was perfect.

—Looks great,— he said, his smile widening.

Back at the hotel, Lando called Amelie.

—What’s up, troublemaker?— she teased as she answered, her face lighting up on the screen.

—Oh, nothing much,— he said casually. —Just wanted to show you something.—

He angled the camera to his shoulder, pulling his shirt slightly aside to reveal the fresh tattoo.

Amelie froze.

—Lando,— she said, her voice a mix of disbelief and awe. —You didn’t.—

—I did,— he replied, grinning like a kid who’d just gotten away with something naughty.

She stared at the screen, her fingers covering her mouth. —You seriously got an ‘A’ for me?—

—For you,— he confirmed, his tone softer now. —It’s where you usually kiss me, so... felt right.—

Her heart felt like it might burst. —Lando... that’s the sweetest, and dumbest, thing you’ve ever done.—

—You love it,— he said confidently.

—I do,— she admitted, shaking her head with a laugh. —But if you ever regret it....—

—Not a chance,— he interrupted. —I love you, Amelie. And this? It’s just ink. You’re what matters.—

She smiled, her eyes glistening. —You’re such a sap, Norris.—

—Only for you,— he shot back, winking.

As they continued talking, teasing, and laughing, Amelie couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by how much he cared. Lando Norris, reckless and endearing as ever, had a piece of her etched onto his skin—and onto her heart.

[shotanzz]

THE CURRENT/FUTURE STATE OF RIIZE

based on astrology/tarot

Authors Note: In this reading I will be reading and making prediction about the current/future state of Riize as well as mentioning seunghan and his situation in this reading in order to give insight to those who requested it, in the astrological area of the reading I will be using whole sign.

Let's get the elephant out of the room and discuss Seunghan. There are a couple of transits that firmly show this situation regarding him. Mars associated with conflict, harm, fighting, arguments and in hellenistic astrology separation is transiting Riize's 6th house which is associated with coworkers and the work environment. This transit within itself eludes to Seunghan's severance and departure of the group and the possible conflicts and damage control regarding it. Mars is also sextile Uranus which shows the sudden and quick impact and deciding factors of this. Mercury aspecting Saturn can be associated with difficult news and decisions and currently these planets are transiting their 10th house of career and reputation as well as the 2nd house of income..there's definitely money and company semantics as well as an attempt to preserve something involved with the situation.

GROUP TRANSITS/PREDICTIONS:

Mercury transiting the 10th house in scorpio, there could be a lot of talk about the group in itself within the next month as well as people trying to “investigate” what the company could possibly be doing behind the scenes due to a lack of explanation and communication, tabloids + rumors + exposed info could be prevalent

Saturn will be direct and leave their 2nd house of income finances soon and transit through their 3rd house of communication, immediate environment, familiar spaces, minor travel and friends. The members might not travel as much as they previously did or their travels may be limited to certain areas as well. There might be a change in the groups social media presence/activity

Pluto is currently direct and will be transiting into their 1st house of identity, self and how they project their image soon. the group might do a complete change in aesthetics, look and style or deconstruct and rebuild their gimmick/concept and it might cause a ripple effect

Jupiter is currently retrograde in their 5th house of creations/creativity, artistic pursuits, fun, entertainment and is aspecting Saturn. the group might have to rethink or redo the creative direction they’ll take and their events or comebacks might take longer or are delayed. they also may gain attention and have to base their creations on what is bringing them the most attention

Jupiter will also soon transit their 6th house of work environment, coworkers, responsibilities, service/servitude, health and routine in 2025. We may hear about them getting new staff or workers, they may be in better working conditions/schedules, they could be very booked and busy and have a lot to do or take care of, their overall group health will be favorable but there might be some minor injuries

Mars will soon transit their 7th house and retrograde back into their 6th so there might be changes in contracts (for example cutting off a contract w/ a certain brand) or changes in power within them, as well as maybe cutting ties w/ certain staff and employees

GROUP ENERGY READING

Do I have consent for this reading: Ace Of Cups & The Moon; Yes ! but I must keep the members anonymous.

MEMBER A:

( The Emperor, KoS, 7oW, 4oS, The Hanged Man, AoS Rx, Death, and 4oP)

Stoicism stoicism stoicism. This member just wants to hold things together until all this chaos passes. They feel as though there’s no point in trying to control what they can’t and that they should only control what they can which is their self and their feelings. I’m hearing “I know that things won’t be the same”. He really just wants to keep his mental in check and surrender to the changes around him. However it’s not giving a “defeated energy”; this member refuses to let his mental health drown too bad and even if he can’t be the happiest atm he knows he shouldn’t let himself wear himself out with the possible stress and upset

MEMBER B:

( Justice Rx, 2oP Rx, 5oC, Judgement Rx, 4oC, 7oS, 10oC Rx, 9oC Rx, AoC Rx, 2oS)

He feels blindsighted and deceived and as if things genuinely didn’t go as planned. He might have been convinced by someone or convinced himself that things would be smooth sailing for the rest of the year and that the past issues and problems wouldn’t be something to deal with anymore. There’s a big contemplation and thinking about the “unfairness” of everything. He feels like everyone involved and being impacted has been done wrong and there wasn’t unfiltered honesty about everything. I’m hearing the phrase “stand up” he wants there to be accountability taken by someone specific..rather than a team of people ? A staff or manager maybe ? I pulled another card and the King of Pentacles came out so ???

MEMBER C :

( 8oC, 8oW, 9oS, Wheel of Fortune, The High Priestess, 4oC, The Hermit, 2oW/ Channeled Song: She Knows - Jcole)

This person feels like they saw this chaos coming. It’s as if this was a “worst case scenario/nightmare” idea that they’d always come back to in the back of their mind that’s finally came to fruition. Similar to Member A they mainly want to keep themselves level headed and let things play out whether if it’s for better or worse. He’s in a very observant energy. He may have a “deeper”understanding of the situation than the others so he might seem like he’s “ok” and “moving forward” when really he’s extremely in his head..as if he’s on the “outside looking in”, he’s detached himself almost so he won’t get stuck “like he did before” im hearing

MEMBER D:

(5oS, 8oS, 2oC Rx, The Empress Rx, QoC Rx, 10oS, The Lovers Rx, 5oP/ Channeled song: Afraid - The Neighborhood)

They feel on edge and uncomfortable right now. It’s like they’re anticipating on what’s gonna happen next and how it’s going to happen. I’m hearing the channeled song and the phrase “im so over it”. The best thing I can compare this energy to is when you have a terrible day at school/work but when you get home there’s more things to deal with, or when you’re constantly arguing or bumping heads with someone and don’t care anymore. There’s also a negative critical feminine energy that this member feels turned their back on him or this female energy keeps doing things that goes against his wants/wishes. There isn’t a romantic tie to this feminine energy tho..but the member is making it seem that’s it’s obvious who it is but I don’t really know and they won’t elaborate so I’ll just close off here.

MEMBER E:

(The Sun, The Chariot, 8oP, 10oW, The Devil, 2oP, KnoC)

This member is giving me the least info and im hearing “you already know the deal” so I guess the assumptions I have towards how he feels atm is good enough. This member feels overwhelmed and definitely is trying to manage and keep himself emotionally and mentally above water . But, it’s as though he’s bound by a responsibility..he’s being the most optimistic as he can be and just wants to move forward. It’s like he’s trying to keep himself happy and busy while also dealing with the motions of everything. He may also be putting his feelings aside for how and is more busy comforting everyone around him who’s feeling more upset and frustrated.

MEMBER F:

(The Moon, The Star Rx, 6oW Rx, 7oP, 6oP, Strength Rx, 7oC, AoP)

This member feels pretty unstable and similar to Member B they feel disillusioned. They hate how up and down everything has been. They’re very disappointed on how things are turning out because they were just so much more optimistic about everything after a long period of being unsure just to be unsure and feeling a lack of security again. They’re very aware or mostly thinking about the financial aspect of things too and are feeling a lack of security there as well. Just a very disappointed and melancholic energy..similar to when you get bad news you don’t have any say over. They’re trying not to be pessimistic but they can’t help it

MEMBER G:

( The Fool Rx, 3oS, 5oW, 3oP Rx, 3oC Rx, 9oW, Justice, 8oW, 6oC, 10oP Channeled Song: Are We Still Friends- Tyler the Creator & Sorry Not Sorry - Tyler the Creator)

Member G lowkey wants to go home or wants to go somewhere or be in a place mentally where they can feel more relaxed again. Im hearing the phrase “things were much more simpler”. They might also be in disagreement with a lot of people or people might have a lot of misconceptions about everything and he doesn’t like the fact that people are getting the wrong idea about how everything is. He might also feel a bit disconnected from everyone and that includes coworkers and people in his inner circle. For the channeled songs it’s making me feel as if this member feels almost guilty and so apologetic but not apologetic at the same time ? like he knows he doesn’t need to feel all this pressure and guilt but does

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

Homelander being obsessed with his sister HC

Warnings: siblingxsibling implications, Homelander being such a narcissist that he falls in "love" with his own sibling, dubcon, manipulation, stalking, basically all the horrible parts of HL come out to play, MC has blonde hair and blue eyes like HL, different plot than 'All I Ever Wanted, All I Ever Needed'.

II III IV V

Cuz you know all this man wants is a family after being depraved of it from the moment he was born

He’s been alone, starved of physical and emotional comfort

HL just wants SOMEONE to call his own

And when Vogelbaum tells him that he’s not alone in the world, that he has someone in the world, he insisted that he meets this new sibling. What was Vought planning? Why was their newest supe baby sharing his DNA?

Visiting you in Vought's secret nursery, there was an immediate shock of electricity shooting through his brain Already at several months old, you could see his face clearly and gurgled happily, reaching to the young man. Homelander stamps his claim on you immediately. Whatever the scientist had planned for you, HL would intervene. Looking down at your sweet, chubby face was enough to win him over to your side

It would take over him, he’d become a man possessed. He tried to finish all of his tasks as soon as he could so that he could visit you in the nursery.You were now his top priority

His psychotic tendencies were already starting to show early on which worried many of the executives and scientist that were in charge of your well being. They decided that they would not make the same mistake twice. Adoptive parents were looked into. Homelander caught wind. He wasn't opposed, though he'd miss being able to see his little sister easily. Having two actual parents to love her was way better than being monitored and doted on by simple staff.

There were certain mandates that HL insisted on: he'd get the last say on who you went to and he had the right to visit you whenever he wanted.

His jam packed schedule made it harder to visit you regularly though. Stillwell always had him busy either with the marketing team or getting his face out there with missions and other acts of service. You were always on his mind though.

He'd send your adoptive parents mountains of presents for you and wrote you volumes of letters (though at 4 years old you were unable to read). He made sure you'd want for nothing even if your adoptive parents were already well off.

Friction arose when the occasion of your 6th birthday came up and Homelander wanted to take the day off. Madelyn refused his request, claiming that he had more important things to attend to. That was possibly the first time Stillwell was the receiver of his intimidating glower. There was nothing more important than you. Stillwell reminds him that if any of their enemies were to find out about your existence that you could prove to be a weakness to HL rather than the blessing he found you to be. Through association, he could potentially be endangering you with his visits.

Deep down, he knew Stillwell was right. The greater the hero he became, the more he'd be putting you at risk if anyone found out. So until you were old enough to protect yourself, Homelander made the painful decision to keep his distance.

For fourteen years he kept a wide berth from you, his one true weakness. In that time he climbed to the pinnacle of stardom. All of America loved him. Including you and your family.

But you didn't remember much of when you were younger. Didn't remember the bond you share with him. You admire him as the hero you know as Homelander. Not as your brother, not even as John. No, your brothers were the ones your parents had after you were welcomed into their family. Two little brothers who followed you everywhere because they were in such awe that their big sister was a supe. You flew them around, let them show you off to their friends, and protected them from bullies. They were your number one fans.

By your twentieth birthday, Homelander came across your application into the Seven that Madelyn had been hiding. While he hadn't seen you in fourteen years, he still tried to keep his information on you up to date via Vought's archives. Since you were a supe, you went to special 'doctor's appointments', but they were all Vought orchestrated to see what you were really capable of.

He watches your try-out video incessantly, marveling in the beautiful, vivacious young lady you'd become. The little girl he'd last seen was gone. Not a hint of her could be found, only the way her smile made her eyes so bright. She was charismatic with the people interviewing her. Perhaps he unblinkingly stared at her video a little too much. Not aware of the connection, Maeve pointed out how often he'd watched that video. He doesn't want to tell Maeve the truth. Stillwell's warning ringing in his ears that no one should know how the two were related. But you were a hero of your own now. Grown up and more than capable of wielding your powers to protect yourself. Reluctantly the words leave past his lips but he did take some satisfaction from the rounding of her eyes.

"This secret is not to be shared with anyone else." His fingers snatch her arm before she leaves his presence. Maeve pivots on her heels, glaring at him as she tries to wrench her arm free.This only spurns him to tighten his grip. "Do you understand? If I find out that you put her in danger because you couldn't keep your fucking mouth shut, I'll kill you."

HL does everything he could to get you into the Seven but in the end Stillwell held the last say and decided to go with Starlight.That wouldn't be the end to his obsession. Not in the least bit. Now he made it a priority to meet you. He was nervous but once you began to spout praises toward him, HL relaxed. You were excited that THE Homelander was giving you the time of day. "So you remember me?"

That caught you off guard. "Remember you?"

Those two words cause his smile to falter and something dark drop to his stomach. His mouth forms your name, your civilian name that you hadn't told him prior. "Surely. . . you remember me. . . You can't forget about your only. . ." He seemed to be losing himself in panic. You didn't understand the tears that were pooling on his lower lids as he advanced toward you and grabbed you by the shoulders. You're so shocked that you don't even make a move away from him. Just staring widely at Homelander. "I'm your brother. You don't remember me?"

Not giving you any time to reply, HL propels the both of you into the sky.

It's not easy keeping a supe held captive. But being one of the strongest on earth, Homelander managed perfectly fine.

"Don't freak out." Homelander tells you with a gentle smile, like he was warning a child. "Of course I'm gonna freak out!" Your eyes burn with what you know to be one of your shared abilities with HL, laser beams. "You literally just kidnapped me after saying you're my brother!!"

"YOU KNOW WHO I AM" His switch in personalities makes you jolt. He slams his fist into the wall behind your head. "Stop saying you don't know who I am!!"

You were strong, yes, but compared to Homelander? You knew fighting him would only result in your defeat. He drags you through his apartment until you're in his bedroom where you immediately become more frantic and resist his pulling. HL hastily grabs a box from under his bed and begins throwing several pieces of paper at you. "You don't remember any of these??!!" They're children's drawings along with a few sloppily written words. Your parents had similar drawings that you had done when you were little. You didn't remember drawing any of them though.

He's pacing his room now, muttering to himself :"I only left so you'd be safe.""Didn't think you'd forget me.""How could you forget me?""I should've known better than to listen to Madelyn."

You're looking for a way out while he's distracted. You could fly through his window, get the fuck out of there. But it would take HL mere seconds to catch up with you. While you're trying to come up with an escape plan, you can't help but notice the shuddering in his shoulders. You not remembering him truly wounded HL "I-I'm sorry Homelander-"

"John." Slowly he turns to face you once more, his eyes red from a few tears that had trickled down his cheeks. "You used to call me John." His face is utterly broken. You don't know how to handle his constantly changing moods but can't find yourself to leave. Your empathy gets the best of you when you reach down to pat him soothingly on the back. His hand springs toward your face, snatching your jaw in a bone crushing hold.

"I won't make the same mistake again. I'm not letting you go."

[cupidlovesastro]

𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚘𝚒𝚍 𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚞𝚜 𝟽𝟶𝟼𝟼 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚜

what does nessus represent?

nessus represents abusive behavior. also abuse that may have not happened to you, but was witnessed. other things this asteroid also represents is manipulation, unhealthy dynamics, harmful behavior, power, control, revenge, and guilt. this placement symbolizes ways you have been a victim, ways you may hurt others or be prone to hurting others, or both.

✃1st house- destruction of identity, bad first impressions, criticized for appearance, scars/ scarring, intimidation, negative energy, negative aura, aggressive impression, overly dominant, visible power trips, lying about identity, misleading information about a person, no sense of self/ identity

✁2nd house- poor money management, unstable financial situation, using money to get away with things, bribery, using money as a reason to stay with someone, poverty, toxic work environment, toxic boss, unhealthy work ethic, poor spending habits, skewed priorities, believing money is the only thing that makes you happy, unpredictable day to day routines, workaholic, being forced to work, doing bad things for money, greediness, valuing objects over people, skewed morals and values, cycles of bad habits

✃3rd house- negative thinking habits, delusions, poor communication, manipulation, guilt tripping, gaslighting, bad relationship with siblings, black sheep out of siblings, antisocial, poor education, abusive school environment, bullying, cyber bullying, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, thoughts of harming others , mental abuse, mental illness, thoughts of superiority, revenge, power, and control, neurological disorders, depression, anxiety, social anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder

✁4th house- toxic mother/ mother figure, bad family relationships, mommy issues, bad home life, abusive family, black sheep of the family, hard time connecting with women, bad relationships with women, issues with femininity, poor emotional development, hard time controlling emotions, thoughts of controlling, harming, over powering women, misogyny, bad emotional regulation, mood disorders, bad self image, little to no foundation, harming family, more aligned with your masculine side, toxic masculinity

✃5th house- toxic romantic relationship, horrible relationship dynamics, cheating, lying, manipulative partner(s), affairs, intense and short lived relationships, karmic relationships, one night stands, bad romantic influences, thoughts of harming, controlling, skewed beliefs of romantic relationships, seeking revenge on a partner, hatred for children, low fertility, miscarriages, child endangerment, neglect, abuse, poor or negative self expression, bad impressions, dramatic, drama seeking, over indulging into hobbies, not having enough or lacking hobbies, no creative outlet, being told your art is bad, distant from their inner child, deeply wounded inner child, depression, mood disorders, personality disorders

✁6th house- animal abuse, animal neglect, no stability, no rules, no boundaries, no restrictions, poor hygiene or lacking examples of proper hygiene, toxic work environment(s), toxic bosses or coworkers, sense of worthlessness, struggles with feeling like enough, neglect of hygienic needs, messy living area, being told your dirty or nasty, being forced to do house chores, workaholic, only sense of belonging is through accomplishments in jobs, doing jobs that make you lose dignity, lack of discipline

✃7th house- abusive relationships, abusive marriages, bad relationship dynamics, no sense of equality in the relationship, one sided dynamic, hot and cold partner, overly dominant partner, manipulation, unbalanced relationship, trust issues, wanting a partner to be completely dependent on you, need for control, clinginess, bad business partner(s), business partner who is unethical, greediness from a business partner, bad business deals, poor business decisions

✁8th house- sexual abuse, hypersexual , sex repulsed, fear of intimacy, fear of emotions intimacy, secrets, doing sneaky things, lying about stuff, never letting anyone in your heart/ mine, shared bank account being poorly managed, using nudes as blackmail, exploiting someone’s body, hard time unionizing with others, those that try to unionize are treated badly

✃9th house- moving place to place constantly which led to lack of stability, being told your beliefs are dumb , manipulated into believing negative things, religious trauma, toxic religious community, raised in a racist house hold, judgement towards race, culture, religion, ignorance for other people, being forced to drop out, being told college isn’t for you, dream crushing, bad at academics, toxic teachers, bullying, no justice faced, issues with the justice system, being belittled for your thoughts and opinions

✁10th house- joining careers that you never wanted to join, being treated badly in work environments, being told you weren’t going to succeed in life, being discouraged from long term goals, bad reputation, someone lying to create a bad reputation for someone else, rumors, gossiping, cancelation, being looked down upon by the public, toxic masculinity, more aligned with feminine side, wanting to cause harm to men, no father figure or a bad father figure, abuse from father figure, being famous for something bad, toxic femininity, daddy issues

✃11th house-abuse from a group of people, abuse from group homes, bullying from friends, fake friends, gossip, rumoring, hard time connecting with people on a platonic level, desires to control, hurt, dominate, or seek revenge on a friend, feeling like an outcast, apathy for humanity, desires to rule the world, cults, harmful communities, manipulation from communities, manipulation from friends, being told your dreams won’t come true, having your wishes be belittled, dream crushing, discouraged to look into a brighter future

✁12th house- never ending toxic cycles, nightmares of trauma, flash backs from trauma, unhealthy core beliefs, lacking closure, hard time healing, resistance to healing, someone not allowing someone else to heal, trauma around spirituality, religious trauma, having witchcraft done on someone, trauma from haunted area, connections with the after life, never coming forward about abuse, burying bad memories, not seeking help on trauma, karma, karmic relationships, hard time manifesting, blockages

[junedenim]

2009

beneath the boardwalk, part 7 (series masterlist)

secret door

warnings: a tad angsty, a tad fluffy, a tad smutty, a sweet tooth, etc.

word count: 10.5k

Alex and I shared his childhood bed. I spent Christmas and New Year's with my family in Bath, but I made the trip up to Sheffield on the 4th of January for Alex's birthday on the 6th. It was a rather unremarkable birthday but it remains one of the coziest. Alex and I thought about going out to drink but his mum made him a cake. After we ate the cake, we were too tired so we played a game of Cluedo with his parents and went to bed.

After this birthday, I realized I enjoyed Alex's birthday more than my own. My birthdays have had the long tradition of ending in dramatics or sadness or just plain boring. The simplicity of Alex's birthdays has always brought me comfort, maybe because he doesn't want a party. He doesn't want to do anything. He just wants to relax and play Cluedo.

When we went to bed that night, we were practically stacked on top of each other. He offered to sleep on the floor because, although we had done the twin bed shuffle before, it never equalled the best sleep. I denied him and said I would. He denied me so I laid half my body on top of him to not fall off the bed.

I combed his hair back. It had grown out in the desert but was softer than ever. His mum made him get a trim, which tamed up the hair, making it fall perfectly as opposed to his faux sideburn days. "How's 23 feel?"

He shrugged and reached a hand up to push my curtain-like hair behind my ear. My hair was getting long too, which I was thankful for because I didn't want to resemble Alex too much. I had grown my fringe out in the desert. My hair looked shaggier than ever but I kind of liked the roughness of it. Maybe that was the part that resembled Alex's hair. "No different than 22," he said.

"I guess we've passed all the fun ages," I sighed. "We're truly adults now."

Alex smiled softly. "That feels weird. I know we've done all these adult things, but actually being referred to as one is still weird."

"I can always account for you being older than me. That's all that matters."

He shook his head, amused by me. "Those 3 months mean a lot to you."

"Yeah, they must have been the worst 3 months of your life."

"Why?"

"'Cause you were living in a world without me."

He kissed me and then said, "That would truly be." A kiss to the cheek. "Hell." A kiss to the neck. "On." A kiss to the right collarbone. "Earth." A kiss to the right breast.

*

In the latter half of January, the band went on a small Australian & New Zealandian tour. I went because what else would I do? The majority of the tour was for the Big Day Out Festival which was hosted in Sydney, Melbourne, Gold Coast, Adelaide, Perth, and Auckland.

Their first show back in Wellington came with the debut of some Humbug songs, which I had already known of through recording and rehearsals. But seeing "Pretty Visitors" live for the first time ever was life-changing, even if Alex did stand awkwardly with his hands in his jacket's pockets. Like Pinocchio came to life, still not adapted to his new body.

I used the label-comped airfare travel to explore rather than attend most of their concerts. The dates were compacted close together so I was the only one out of our crew that got to defrost from the British winter in the Australian sun.

In February, the band was due to return to California to finish the album. Late one night in Perth, Alex asked me, "Are you coming back?"

It had been a deflected point like most things. Pushed off until someone or something made the decision for me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go back to London alone. I didn't want to be in California alone. Ultimately, the business card from Opal stuck in my wallet tipped the scale.

"I think I want to finish it out," I told him.

Excitement flashed in his eyes but he stayed still. "Are you sure? I'll be back before you know it. Everything will be fast. You won't even miss me."

I tugged at him. "Of course, I'll miss you. And you'll be off on tour soon and I like the idea of going with you but you know I can't do a whole tour with you. I have to be independent."

The greatest accomplishment in my life might be Alex's pride in me. I don't know how I earned his belief in me. It was there right from the moment we met and it never dissipated, even when we broke up. His smile flashed with pride then, small, but always proud in the stances I made for myself.

"I know," he said. "And I love being with you but I like hearing what you get up to when I'm away. And it'll be more flexible this time since you're out of school."

"And, maybe, I could get some work out in LA. Just freelance or something. I feel like I just gave up last time and didn't bother with a job. You know, me and complaining."

"Shush, you're opinionated. It's how I like my women."

"Women?"

He corrected, "Woman."

I chuckled and slotted my head on his shoulder. "I think maybe I'll get in touch with Opal. Maybe one day write for the LA Times. Would that make me a traitor?"

"No," he laughed, "just maybe a red coat." The skin near his eyes crinkled up, pleased with his joke. I prayed to make those wrinkles become permanent, for him to live in a lifetime of laughter, specifically from my jokes but I do get a special funny feeling when he's laughing at his own humor. It's like he's patting himself on the back, something he does physically do.

There was a question of giving in too much to Alex. I was chasing a boyfriend through the world, which was okay because I was traveling and exploring too and I wanted to be with him but I always worried about my association with him—clinging too tightly, representing an image of somebody who lived off of him. At times (and eventually), it consumed me.

*

In our rented LA home there was a bay window, which didn't look out on much other than the road and the opposing house. While Alex was at the studio, I sat there and wrote. By that point, I had compiled my essays in a file I called "LA Times." My intention wasn't to submit the works to the LA Times—I had yet to hear back from Opal on any openings—but it was simply something in the works—a digital diary of those past few Californian months.

I had begun submitting work and didn't hear back. I thought of getting a part-time job or babysitting gig, but it felt like a waste of my degree, and Alex had plenty of funds to go around.

Opal and I went out for drinks and it was the first time I went out in LA, independent from Alex. It was fast fun. Opal talked in excessive sweetness but was snarky in response to any disparity toward her.

She seemed so worldly but had never lived anywhere outside of LA. She wasn't any form of a writer but she worked with writers all day and asked if she could look at my work. I was shyly reluctant but she tugged it out of me. Some small 500-word piece I liked.

She gushed about it (and still does) insisting on me giving her more of my writing. I slowly trickled more pieces to her before she accumulated enough to give to her friend, Jackson Ferrera.

Opal began coming over to our house. If Alex was out late, we'd have dinner together. We drink together most Friday nights. We smoked a joint together once and she laughed so much she peed herself.

Opal and Alex had an interesting relationship. Opal paid compliments to his appearance like she did with everyone but it never verged on sexual or romantic. She was an observer like all of us, but she didn't write about it.

She'd also mock him as most girls do together behind their boyfriend's back. All remaining affectionate and loving. The kind of way I talked about Stacey. She was my pestering little sister who was also my youthful partner-in-crime.

"I love your hair, hon!" She said once to Al after he returned home to us watching Glee on the couch.

"Oh." He patted down the sides of his hair as if he forgot it was on his head. "I guess."

He left the room and Opal turned to me and said, "That man can not take a compliment."

I laughed and shrugged. "I've tried my best. I think he thinks you're lying to him."

"Why?!" Opal's mouth lay agape. "I'm not a liar."

I stared at her speculatively. "Everyone's a liar."

"I'm not." She placed her hand on her chest, insisting to me, "My mom told me to never lie."

I don't know if Opal has ever lied, not expansively. Not even little white lies. If you asked her how her day was, she'd tell you honestly. Maybe she fibbed and told half-truths, but she'd never fake compliment you.

She was judgy. On the other side of her kindness was someone who would honestly tell you that you look ugly in that dress. Her job seemed like her destiny, paid to have an opinion because she wasn't designed for fake niceties. I appreciated and needed the quality. It was a confidence boost and a humbling force.

*

For my birthday, Alex took me to Big Sur. We flew up to San Jose and Alex drove us down to our lodge where I fell asleep and woke up 23.

In the early morning, we walked along Pfeiffer Beach where the water was too cold and dangerous to swim in and the wind blew so hard it blinded us. We abandoned the beach, had lunch, and walked Point Lobos, which felt like we'd walked into a dream. The water waved its blues and the wind waved through the trees just right to create the perfect breeze.

"You know," I said, "this is the first trip we've ever been on. Just you and me."

Alex bowed his head and said, "Suppose that's my fault. At least we've done Wicklow."

"I know, but it doesn't really count. We probably wouldn't have gone if we weren't in Dublin." We both walked with our hands in our pockets and it was easy to think of all those talks we'd had before with our hands stuffed into our jeans pockets.

Alex smiled, his eyes covered with sunglasses, and his hair framing his face. "I'm making up for it now. Best I can." He placed one of his hands on the small of my back; a reassuring touch. Alex often felt insufficient and I wasn't the best at combating that doubt. I know he's carried guilt for self-claimed selfishness. If we were both older I wouldn't have tolerated this in the manner I did at that age. I never cared that he wanted things because he wanted me to be a part of them. However, there was always a sense that Alex had to "make up" for what he had done. I don't know if that hurt me or pleased me.

When we finished the trail we had to go back to our lodge because Alex had slipped down a hill and cut a hole into his jeans. Believe me, very funny, I wish I had it to submit to Funniest Home Videos but alas...

Alex drove for the majority of the trip. I wasn't very good at driving in America. It confused my brain. I reached over, brushing a chunk of his hair behind his ear like he had done for me countless times. "You think you're going to keep it long?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Do you think I should?"

"If you like it," I permitted.

He glanced over and gave me a look. "Does that mean you don't like it?"

I hummed. I had never really thought about it. "No. I like it," I decided. "It makes you look older. I think if you had the same cut as college you'd still look like you were 17."

"You don't think I've aged at all?"

"It's hard to tell. I've never been away long enough to notice a difference. What about me? Do I look older?" I batted my eyelashes.

He chuckled at my brazen show. "You look 23 to me."

*

I got a call from Jackson Ferrera a week after my birthday. I didn't know who he was and almost didn't answer the call when it rang at 10:30 AM, still in bed. Alex had left an hour or two earlier, kissing my forehead and unintentionally waking me up. We mumbled, "Bye, baby" to one another before he left and I drifted back to sleep.

I was in the shower when Alex returned home. It was somewhere around 5 PM and a Wednesday and I hadn't left the house once. I was in the middle of washing my hair when I heard the bathroom door open and my worries about this becoming a scene from Psycho dissipated when Alex said, "Hey, honey." Isn't it cute? We call each other honey now. It originated from Opal. We imitated her calling everyone "honey" with one another until we actually just ended up calling each other "honey" all the time.

"Hey," I called out over the shower. Alex discarded his clothes and joined me in the shower. We had started doing that more often too. We didn't often have sex in the shower either. I mean, it did happen, but we decided to shower together more in a chaste quality. Alex has the ability to wash your hair in the same way it feels at a salon. It's complete bliss. "How was your day?"

He was my little dog with his long hair getting wet in the shower and sticking to his face. He let the water run over it completely before pushing it back and out of his face. "Good. Fine," he answered. "I feel like I've been hunched over all day." He pecked my lips, a domestic greeting.

I reached down for my conditioner and told him, "I'll rub your back before bed." We might as well be the old married couple with aching backs and a stay-at-home woman willing to soothe them. I don't like to view us as old-fashioned. We were unconventional. British desert Californians, who were a musician and a pretend writer.

Alex took the bottle out of my hand, taking the conditioner into his hands, acting his role of hair masseuse. "You're my savior. I'd have a humpback if it weren't for you."

I shrugged as I turned for him to rub the product in my hair. "I like taking care of you. Shall I have dinner on the table too?"

He scoffed, "God, no. I'd be dead of food poisoning if you did that."

I laughed because I wasn't offended by not having any cooking skills. Alex understood that and has never forced a change on that. "You can't blame me. My parents don't know how to cook either."

"Your parents don't know how to do a lot of things you can do. Excuses, excuses." He clicked his tongue and I giggled as he squeezed one of my butt cheeks. "What did you get up to while I was gone?"

I sighed, turning back around to face him, a big smile plastered on my face. "Okay, well, don't freak out because I don't know anything yet."

Alex immediately grabbed my hands, nearing a panic. "What?"

I pushed his hands down. "Calm down," I instructed. "It's not that big of a deal." He relaxed and awaited an answer. "So, I got this call from someone Opal knows. A guy named Jackson Ferrera—"

"Oh, god, Janie, you're leaving me, aren't you?" Alex joked, turning his head away in dramatics, pushing me away, unable to bear the sight of me. "I always knew it."

I slapped his arms away. "Will you shut up? Listen." He looked at me normally and nodded his head. "Opal gave him some of my writing and he's this literary agent and he wants to talk about maybe him representing me—"

I was interrupted by Alex's excitement. "Are you serious? Like a book or something?"

I was reluctant to say anything, not wanting to get his hopes up, my hopes up like speaking it aloud would cancel out any possibilities. "I don't know yet. I haven't even met the guy yet."

"But you're going to?" Alex clutched my waist, his grip filled with giddiness.

I nodded, trying to fight this big smile. "This Friday at noon. And I don't know what it would be yet. He could just recommend me for some stupid literary agent job."

Alex quickly shook his head. "No way, Janie. You're going to make a book."

"I'm not going to make a book," I insisted.

But he fought back, confident as always, "You're going to make a book."

"Don't jinx anything. He might just help me submit some of my pieces to some higher-up magazines. Who knows, by the end of the year, I could be in the New Yorker?"

He scoffed, "You're better than the New Yorker. They'll be begging for your work."

I bumped into him. "Don't say that. I'd love to write for the New Yorker. I'd be happy writing for Playboy at this point."

Alex wiggled his eyebrows. "They do have some really good articles."

I pinched his side and told him to shut it. He wrapped me up in a hug and a dramatic rain—well, shower—kiss. Everything felt like it was landing in place and California did really seem to be a place where dreams came true and all that nonsense that I'll make fun of for the rest of this book but for this one moment, I'll believe to be true. Then, Alex got shampoo in his eye.

"Ow! Fuck, fuck, fuck." He clutched his left eye and doubled over. The water and shampoo suds still pouring down his face.

I grabbed his shoulder and asked if he was okay. He insisted on being fine but his hand remained on his eye and he grinded his teeth down before I managed to pull him out of the shower without tripping.

I sat him on the toilet seat, dripping wet, and shampoo still a mess in his hair. "Let me see," I said, drying his face off.

He waved me off. "No, no, I'm fine." His hand remained on his eye with a refusal to remove it.

"Al," I said and tugged at his wrist. He dropped his hand and slowly opened his eye, bloodshot and pink. "Oh, Jesus."

"What? Did it fall out?" He joked.

I snorted a laugh and began searching for eye drops. "It's dried up, that's all."

Then came the struggle of actually getting the eye drops into Alex's eye because he refused to keep his eye open. He kept muttering, "Ow, ow, ow" as each eye drop flooded his eyeball.

Later that night, after I fell asleep in front of American Idol, Alex must have moved me to our bedroom or I slept-walked there. Alex said I did that a few times. When I woke, the red digital clock on my bedside read 2:32 AM. I dug my face into the pillow, pissed I had woken up in the middle of the night. I turned my head and came to the realization Alex was missing if he was ever in bed, to begin with.

I padded across our cold wooden floors barefoot in the dark before I saw the back patio light on and the faint shadow of Alex. I stepped one foot out and saw him, notebook in lap, cigarette in hand, gazing out onto the dark backyard, deep in thought.

"You shouldn't be smoking with your eye," I said hoarsely.

His head tilted back to look at me and he had a soft smirk on his face. "I'll live. Just needed something to relax."

"Take an edible then."

He vibrated off laughter and tapped the ash off his cigarette. "I'll find a different excuse."

I kept one foot outside and one inside, asking, "Do you want some company?"

He shook his head, insisting, "No, no. You sleep."

I was hesitant to move. "You sure?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Just finishing up some writing. I'll be in soon."

"Okay."

I returned to bed and fell asleep before Alex came back but when I woke up in the late morning he was asleep beside me. I wondered what Alex wrote. The beginning verses to "Stuck on the Puzzle" or if he never picked up his pen to begin with? Maybe I read too much into it but Alex never had qualms about me keeping him company while he wrote and our late-night smokes were ritualistic at that point. I believed he thought about something else. Me. Something too personal to share.

With both of us, those secrets that we kept from one another were exclusively worries. I can't help but think Alex knew what was eventually to come from my contact with Jackson. I can't help but think he worried. He always worried, suffering in silence. I screamed about everything and he sat with it, let it stir and brew for days, months, years. It was a habit of our 20s. But Alex always seemed to know, a habitual psychic and I was the palm in his hand.

*

It didn't end up being a book, not at first, but we did a trial period in which I submitted to Jackson who began shopping my pieces around to publishers. I was terrified and didn't tell anyone other than Alex and Opal for fear it would fall through and fail. Jackson felt confident and I supposed that helped, although I couldn't comprehend a world where I wrote a book, even though, for years, I had already written books in my notebook.

I tried not to think about it much. We were coming up on Alex going back on tour again and the question of whether to stay in LA rose, which was really just whether I would. I didn't like the thought of being in LA without Alex. I found the city rather unappealing but I didn't know where I'd return to. London was an option but I don't know how at home I would've felt there. It's cheesy to say Alex is my home because he's a person and I found that statement to be rather exaggerated. In those days, I just felt more comfortable wherever he was, maybe because I was so aimless myself, but I knew that I finally found a direction to go in.

One of my pieces did end up in The Village Voice. Alex paid to have a print copy sent, and he framed it. It embarrassed me so much that I stuffed it into drawers when we had guests over.

One night, we went to a party on some random Monday and sat on the uncomfortable fancy chairs, drinking cocktails. Alex had an Old Fashioned, I had a Cosmopolitan. It was an affair with some elegance, though I can't remember what it was actually for. We both vowed not to get drunk because we couldn't be hungover on a Tuesday.

I had my hand on Alex's knee and he had his arm around the back of my chair. I think the dinner they served was chicken but I don't remember. It wasn't very good either way.

"Do you think I should get my Master's?" I asked Alex.

He sipped his drink with his left hand and lightly tapped my shoulder with his right. "Why would you do that?"

I shrugged and picked up my Cosmo, trying to be Carrie Bradshaw in hopes it would get me a job as luxurious as hers. Or maybe just the clothes and the apartment. "Something to do. I like the idea of going to school here."

Alex's brows furrowed as he looked over at me. "But you hated school."

"That's not true."

He chuckled. "J, you complained about it all the time."

Maybe I did. I don't remember. It's like when people have babies and they forget how hard labour was so their bodies trick them into having more kids. "I liked the structure of it. Plus, a Master's would allow a more flexible schedule and you'll be away on tour soon so it'd be something to do."

Alex shook his head. "I don't think you'd like it."

I frowned. "Maybe I would."

"I mean..." Alex searched for what to say. "I just think you're getting somewhere with your writing and you're running away from it."

I rested my head on my hand. "Maybe."

Alex reached out and pushed my hair out of my face. "Whatever you do you'll be great at. Just do what you love, okay?"

His smirk put me on edge and I raised my eyebrow. "What? Like you?"

"Huh?" His face looked puzzled, worried that he had offended me somehow.

"I love you so you want me to do you?"

He threw his head back in laughter. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Janie."

*

The whole Master's idea felt foolish. So, I decided to do it, except it was March and way past the time for applications. In the meantime, I tried to figure out what I would do while Alex was away. I felt I should have wanted to leave Los Angeles after all my bitching and moaning, but something drew me to stay. There was a new friend in Opal but I didn't have any job prospects through her or Jackson. Freelance could fit but I didn't want it to fit. The idea of me writing a book burrowed more inwardly to my mind as Jackson stopped mentioning book deals and directed me more toward staff writing jobs to get my name out there.

But I felt that LA had wrapped its warmth around me and suffocated me long enough to want to stay. I liked America and I liked the city, but I also had a visa to worry about. I was over on a tourist Visa and since all work I had done was freelance, I was paid as if I was located in England still. I could fly back and stay for another 180 days or I could get a work visa, which meant getting a job.

That's when Condé Nast appeared. Jackson had unofficially become my unpaid job seeker, doing it solely for me as a favour. I suspected he felt bad for not achieving a book deal and decided to help me out. The Condé Nast position was for a product writer and reviewer. The issue was I had no history with a full-time writing job, but either Jackson had connections or they felt pity for me, too, so I got the job.

So, it wasn't LA, it would be New York.

Alex loved the idea and boasted about it to everyone, kissing my cheek after each statement, and squeezing me to his side. As for New York, he simply said, "It's your turn."

He would be away on tour anyway, so it didn't matter much other than that he would crash at whatever housing I picked in New York. We flew to New York in June. I had never been to New York in the summer. I had never been with Alex in New York.

Usually on our excursions, I dragged Alex around the town and up the hills. In New York, Alex dragged me to the Strand, Chelsea Hotel, the Mudd Club, the Transit Museum, and, most importantly, the turtle pond in Central Park.

Beside the box turtles and red-eared sliders, Alex and I rested against a rock as they padded their way shoreside. He wore a baby blue shirt and picked at his jeans, his mannerisms the same as when I spotted him across the room. "Do you remember when you used to have writing on your jeans?"

He looked up at me, smiling, pushing his hair behind his ears, pounds of fluff. "Yeah."

"What was written on them?" Those blurs of red markings and my wish to know those depths of his soul as if what he was really thinking was written on the knees of his jeans.

He shrugged and almost shamefully said, "Just song lyrics. Strokes and stuff."

"You wrote on them?"

"Yeah."

"I always figured that your mates had written on them. My Converses used to be covered in Joanie's handwriting and hearts." I hadn't thought of her for a long time. Nothing in America reminded me of Wakefield and so Joanie never came to mind.

Alex broke me out of my thoughts, asking, "Can I write on your trainers?"

I raised my eyebrows. "On my new shoes? Can I write on your jeans?"

"Sure." He pulled a pen from his pocket and handed it to me. His quickness made me hesitate but I pulled the pen from his fingers and thought of what to write. I could've drawn a penis but I wasn't that cruel. The black pen was faint against the dark blue denim but I repeated my sketching until the letter was clear enough. I wrote my name because I couldn't think of anything else. What's more beautiful than a person's name? Gross.

Alex seemed to like it, a grin upturning on his face, and an eyebrow raised against me. "Why don't you draw a heart around it?"

I rolled my eyes. "Do you want me to put an arrow through it too?"

He laughed but said, "Sure." I didn't add the heart or arrow. It would be too cheesy and ruin my beautiful cursive name. I returned the pen to him and he tapped his hand over the writing. "With me every step of the way."

I giggled, both embarrassed and charmed. "You gonna get it tattooed?"

I joked but he took it shockingly seriously. "Do you want me to?"

I bolded my eyes and tilted my head. "Stop," I chastised him. "I'm not trying to brand you. I won't even let you write on my shoes and you're willing to get me permanently on your body?"

"Those are nice shoes," he countered.

"You've got a nice body," I argued.

"It'll add to it."

Whether it was sweetness or idiocy, it did feel like love. I raised my legs and plopped my feet in his lap. "Alright. Write away on them then." They were just trainers anyway and his name in a heart with an arrow through it was worth much more.

Afterwards, we toured an apartment. Previous apartments we had toured had been far above my expected salary. Alex had this need to contribute to the apartment's rent despite not getting a break from touring until late October. I had a need to pay rent for myself. I never lived on my own and I felt this apartment should be my apartment, even though Alex's stuff would be there. 

Alex understood all of this, although still pushed to contribute some to the rent and, well, I'm never one to deny financial assistance so we made a deal that he would pay me for storing his stuff while he was gone and I would pay for the rest. This all meant those apartments next to Central Park were out of the question. So, we headed downtown, Petula Clark style. 

"You know, this area is called SoHo too?" I asked him as we walked down Thompson Street. He shook his head and I explained, "It's because it's south of Houston Street. So. Ho."

He chuckled and nodded. "It'll be like a little piece of home with you."

It turned out to be. I found a place on Prince Street for a reasonable amount. 1 bed. 1 bath. Windows that drenched the floors in sunlight, a big closet, and—the thing I was most excited for—a bathtub.

On our first night there, Alex and I attempted to do the romantic having-a-bath-together thing. I purchased a bubble bath solution from Target and Alex got a bottle of wine from Wine and Spirits. We felt very American in both stores. 

"I can't remember the last time I took a bath," Alex said as he sank into the warm oasis.

"They used to just spray you down with a hose, right?" I joked as I sipped on my wine.

Alex cupped his hand in the water and sent a splash my way. "Hey! You got water on the floor. And in my wine." I frowned at the bubbles resting on the surface of the wine.

"I'll get you another glass," he said as he stood.

I reached out and grabbed his leg. "Don't leave."

At my request, he sank back into the water. "Here. You can have mine." He stuck out his half-full glass. I leaned forward and kissed the back of the hand that was holding it. My version of thank you as I took the glass from his hand. 

He stretched his legs out and we kept poking each other until I took Alex's feet into my lap. I lightly rubbed on the left one, his big toe sticking out above the water. I felt sinking in myself and refused to look at him. I was becoming too soft. "I'm gonna miss you."

Alex sighed. I knew he hurt more than me. I missed him and we loved each other the same but I knew he had to deal with two kinds of pain. His and mine. We had to deal with missing each other and he had to deal with the guilt. I always told him it was ridiculous to feel guilty because I never held any resentment toward him for going away. But I guess we never properly addressed all that ugly stuff from the past, only in fights, and we never concluded properly, just in exhaustion.

But I think we both knew that communication would be the difference this time. The band was more established. I was more established. I think I would have hated being alone in our LA house without Alex but something about New York, feeling it was mine, made me feel a little freer.

"I'm sorry," he said.

I shook my head. "Don't apologize. I'm proud of you."

"Proud of you too." I looked up to see the big smile on his face. You know, it heals anything.

I slide deeper into the tub, the water covering my neck. I was bare-skinned and my insides were beginning to feel the same. "I'm nervous."

"We'll be fine," he assured.

I shook my head. "I know. I'm nervous for me. Being alone and the new job."

His hand found my leg in the water, stroking it. "You'll make friends in no time and you're a whiz."

"But what if I hate it?" I sounded wobbly like I was about to tip off the edge.

Alex, the calm force dragging me through life, said, "Then, on to the next thing."

I held a smile to him. One he returned. "My mother would say I'm being picky."

"Your mother who drinks for a living?"

I held offence when Alex spoke of my mother. The things he said were true but my whole life I’ll feel the need to protect her. At that age, I still felt destined to unknowingly become her. In that way, Alex was insulting future me. "Hey! She does other things. Probably."

Alex laughed and pulled his feet from me, curling his legs. "Alright. I'm cramping here." He rose from the tub, swishing the water around, peeking at the edges.

I gasped. "Even if the foot rub I gave you?"

We moved out of LA pretty quickly but yet again transporting all your belongings from one side of the country to another was a pain. We enlisted the help of friends but in New York, we were on our own for the most part, other than some hired movers. We weren't getting that couch up the stairs.

The band did a few festivals in Europe in July before returning for a New York show at the beginning of August. I was only a few weeks into my job and it was the fulfillment and structure I needed, although I wasn't doing much writing. I was fine with working my way up, setting an achievement, and moving forward. It was a mostly new idea for me.

After their concert, we did the ritual of bar hopping. I invited my new friend, Tasha, and her boyfriend to join us, however, her boyfriend ditched her after the show, which led her to get very drunk and weepy and therefore pulled me away from any time of catching up with the group. Although, they seemed very consumed by the drama.

"I don't mean to put this all on you," she cried to me. "But he said he was gonna buy me a drink tonight and I—" she was taking away into sobs.

"I'll buy you a drink," Matt offered.

"Really?" It was in fact her fifth drink. She had quickly consumed the first 2 from the rounds and pulled the other 2 from me. "I really liked him, you know. I love him, I think."

"We know, sweetie." I felt bad for her but all the crying was becoming quite tiresome, especially with a girl you had only known 2 weeks in the setting of an office space.

She sat up straight, wiping away that wetness on her face when Matt arrived back with a drink. For the time being, she calmed her waterworks with a gulp of liquor. "You wouldn't do this to Jane, would you Alex? Why can't I find a guy like that?"

I chuckled, "Alex ditches me all the time."

To the side of me, Alex's head snapped to me. "What?" His face was etched with a furrowed brow and a frown.

I turned to him wide-eyed and confused. "What?"

"I don't ditch you."

My mouth created a slight opening in bafflement. "Yeah, you do. Or did." I turned back to Tasha. "Either way, they're all assholes, you just have to find the asshole that fights you."

"Ha. Asshole." Jamie laughed.

While Jamie found humour in the situation and Tasha found slight comfort, Alex found offense. "You think I'm an asshole?"

I turned back to him. "Yeah. Don't you think I'm a bitch?"

His eyes were wide at the word like we were kids taught to put coins in the swear job. His response was quick. "No."

I tried my best to give it to him in an explanation that would placate him. "Okay. Well, I get on your nerves or whatever. Either way, you just have to find the guy that fits you. Now, I think we should get you a cab." Tasha nodded with a sniffle. 

After I stuck Tasha in a cab, I stayed outside to have a cigarette. I had a weird feeling in my stomach that I wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or something emotional. I had a rash on my left leg that I labelled as being from stress but I wasn't sure what it was stress from. I felt a pressure on my chest and the perfect solution was a cigarette.

It wasn't a smoke signal for Alex to join me although I should have thought that considering our history and the perfect view from our table out the window to the street. He came out halfway through the ash and walked with hair in his face and hands in his pockets.

When he stepped in front of me, I reached out and brushed his hair out of his face and wondered if he felt this way—this feeling of caring, uncovering someone for your gaze—every time he did it for me. I tucked it behind his ear and peeked the small smile underneath that shaggy head. It tickled me, exposing a silent laugh from my lips. 

"You really think I'm an asshole?" He asked. His tone was playful but I knew he was worried I considered him to be one of them. That breed of man who brushed women off after they got their goods as if he hadn't loved and cared for me since the moment we met.

I held my palm over his cheek, holding my hand over his fire, rubbing the lobe of his ear. I just wanted to hold him forever and I felt like crying at the thought I couldn't. I don't know where the sudden emotion came from but I suppose by this point it isn't shocking to find myself crying, especially after 3 drinks outside a bar. I couldn't speak so I shook my head and kept the overwhelming pathos at bay by the rhythmic stroking of his ear. 

"I missed you," he said.

I cut any further words he had off with a shake of my head, a dismissiveness I needed. "I don't want to talk about missing each other anymore." The gates fell and I dropped my arm away from his shoulder, picking at my nails as my voice quivered. "All I talk about is missing you."

"Jane."

Exasperated with myself, I shook my head and looked away not to cry. "I just want to enjoy the night." I looked at him, listening attentively, eyes trained on me. "I don't want to think about you leaving tomorrow night and I'm fine, trust me, but I feel this ache all the time and I don't want to feel this ache while you're here and I don't want to talk about this ache because I know it's mutual so let's stop talking about it and pretend that this is just any other night in our lives and we're in Sheffield, grabbing a pint with our mates or something." 

I laughed wetly. He reached out to me and brushed my hair behind my ear and it made everything feel alright. "This feels pretty Sheffield, doesn't it?"

"What?"

He shrugged and took out his pack of cigarettes, plucking one, and placing it in between his lips. "Light me up, Janie, would ya?"

A smile tugged my lips and I dug into my purse one-handed for my lighter. He leaned forward, the end of it so close to me I could take a bite of it. I lit the flame between us and then to his cigarette. He took a puff before stepping back to exhale, his eyes stuck with mine. 

"I love you. I feel like we don't say that enough," I told him. He stood away from me but I felt so close to him like we had wrapped ourselves up in a fort of blankets, not standing in the humid August streets. 

"You don't have to say it for me to know it. Hasn't that always been our MO?" In wordless whispers and those longing stares, we had always spoken with some underlying language that didn't even make perfect sense to us, it was just there. 

"Yeah. Still, I want to remind you."

He chuckled and stepped closer, hooking his arm around my neck, and pulled me beneath his chin with a long gaze down at me. "I love you too, Janie. And all the rest."

"The rest?" I questioned.

His Adam's apple bopped and he looked up at the sky for a moment as if God was giving him the all-clear. His eyes reintroduced themselves to me. "There's this weight of love inside me that I'll never be able to express to you. It's just there, a consuming being that flares up whenever you're near me or I think about you. It's this constant. I've had it since I thought your name was Jeanie and I still don't know how to talk about it or what to call it—all this unexpressed love."

"It seems like you did." I tried not to sob. I thought of Tasha, likely crying in a cab, and I know I've always been a fortunate girl and I've been called lucky since birth, but I never felt like I truly won anything other than meaningless games until I was brought to Alex. I thought of all those missteps I could have taken to have never met Alex about how many things had to go a certain way for me to be at that first gig. How—I guess—I have to thank Matt, although that part is reluctant for me to say (a fear it will go to his head). But I kept it all inside and didn't tell Alex this because I think this is part of that weight of love I still can't fully express. "Are you sure it's not a tumor?"

He laughed at me and kissed the top of my head. My cigarette had been scuffed out against his jeans so we shared the rest of his before Alex suggested, "I think we should head home." I had never confessed how romantic I thought the idea of going home with Alex was to me but I have a feeling he just knew because he always just knows.

He took me by the hand and took me back inside the bar where we said goodbye to our party of people and I smacked a kiss on the cheek to each of them. They've always felt like brothers-in-law to me but I found as we grew older and closer, they were my friends too.

We headed back to our apartment, taking the A train. Alex held my purse for me and we sat in a sweaty, non-air-conditioned subway car, and it felt as though we were in London on the tube, praying for a gust of wind to come in through the little window and provide momentary relief. 

It was too hot to touch each other's skin so we held a small space between us and knocked knees with one another. Alex sat hunched over, his hands sitting on the top knee of his crossed legs. I leaned back against the plastic orange chair. The train was mostly empty but we filled its quietness with laughter. Halfway through the ride, that sentimental fuzzy part of me took a picture of him. I still owned a flip phone for the sole purpose of having a slideout keyboard, not known for having a good camera, and the photo was mostly unrecognizable to anybody but me, which might be why I liked it so much. 

I’d take these photos often and flip through them occasionally when I was waiting for the subway. I printed some out and pinned them on the walls because I didn’t want to buy picture frames. I folded one up and put it in my wallet because I always loved that Alex had a photo of me in his wallet—a tiny crushed-up photo of my graduation portrait, ugly, but he had pride for it and me).

Without Alex, the apartment had succumbed to my mess. There were clothes tossed in the corner of the bedroom, the desk was covered in papers, books, and more clothes, and the kitchen was dealing with a major dishes problem.

The hour was late but we were both determined to soak up as much time with one another as possible. We undressed from the day and dressed for bed, but sat on the edge of our bed over the covers, talking, talking, talking. Two frogs croaking at one another from across the pond. All we needed was Charlton Brook and we'd be our old selves again. 

"I never thought I'd like work. I'm not in love with this job but I come home and my feet ache and I love it. I like feeling I worked for something," I told him. "I think I need firm direction in my life otherwise I turn into a mess."

Alex looked pleased but all-knowing. He knew all these parts of me before I did. "You were raised without it so you crave it in other aspects." He leaned back on the bed, putting his arms behind his head, so casual in every sense of the word.

"Who needs a therapist when I have you?" I asked. He laughed but I was serious (both good and bad). He's an observer, he just knows these things from one look at you. He reads you completely and then acts like it's nothing. I feel I know Alex well, better than anyone, but not like he knows me. I've always felt there was a piece of Alex that was off-limits to everyone, even himself sometimes. There's a corner of him I will never reach. For him, my thoughts have always been a nude model on full stark display.

Alex turned onto his side and reached a hand over to me, clasping it with a tight squeeze. "You happy?" It was a quick check-in, the reassurance he needed that he wouldn't leave me totally screwed up and alone. Alex often had the feeling of needing to "rescue me," which was partially true but he took too much on sometimes, bearing the weight of both our emotional states, an overwhelming thing that put so much consequence on the question he asked like I wasn't just answering for me, I was also answering for him.

I squeezed back to ease his anxieties. "Yeah. You?" He stayed silent and looked around the room once, startling my heart. He tugged on my arm once as a smirk spread on his face. "What?" 

He tugged again, this time harder. I stared at him quizzically until he pulled once again, yanking me down to lay on top of him. He communicated with his lips, both silent minus gasps. He turned us, hovering over me, flat on my back. We got under the covers.

*

The following night we stayed in and ordered a pizza before having sex on the couch. After, I laid on Alex's chest, our nude bodies up against each other and I do apologize to anybody who sat on the couch after, I swear it wasn't that dirty. His hands were solid on my back, studying the lower curve of my spine, hitting a spot that made me stretch like a cat after a nap.

I sighed as the tension released from my back and laid back down on his sternum. "We're awfully vanilla," I said.

Alex snorted this big ugly snort of laughter that I find so cute like a baby learning how to breathe. "What, like chains and whips?"

I laughed and raised my head up, my chin pressed on his skin, staring up at his tucked head, awkwardly propped up on the armrest. "No. Georgia just told me this story about doing it on the roof of her building."

An amused Alex asked, "You want to head up on our roof now?"

He motioned sitting up but I pushed him back down. "We have an exposed roof. I'm not getting the cops called on us."

"Where's the fun in that if there isn't a little risk of indecent exposure?" He joked.

I giggled and thought of making a joke about getting visas revoked for public nudity, instead, I told him, "We're hiding tonight. Besides, I don't need all that for sex to be fun with you."

He bucked his hips up against mine. "'Cause I'm so good in bed?" He raised an eyebrow and wore a taunting smirk that made me want to slap and kiss him. How infuriating to be so intoxicated by him.

"'Cause you love me," I teased, tapping his nose. I slobbered a kiss on his cheek, which made him groan in disgust like it was his mother doing it in front of all his friends. "And you're going to take me to get ice cream because I'm thinking about vanilla ice cream now."

"From Morgenstern's?" He asked me, even though he knew the answer.

I sat up from him, noting his eyes on my exposed breasts (sometimes, it's nice to know a man is still a boy), and hummed, "Yes, sir." Morgenstern's sat two blocks up on Houston and in the past few months, I had developed an addiction to their bourbon vanilla ice cream and considered it my special treat after a day of work. Alex was partial to salted chocolate, which I always thought was a good balance with mine, especially since he'd let me steal scoops off his cone and mix it with my cup of ice cream.

Alex went out in jeans, a T-shirt, and his Doctor Martens. I went out in sweatpants, a camisole, and my flip-flops. It was 11:40 and only 2 blocks away! 

I was charged up and kissed him behind his ear as he paid for the ice cream. We must have been foul to look at with our hair unbrushed and a careless woman hanging off her good-looking man. I often had little care about how I looked at night in New York. Everyone in New York, one way or another, was loathsome to watch at night so I had no problem with the idea the cashier might have hated us for coming in right before closing, dangling around as we waited. Besides, Alex left a tip.

My hands clawed around Alex's shoulders and I bounced on the balls of my feet as they scooped our ice cream. We ate our ice cream on the small bench they had outside the parlour. Alex ended up with smears of chocolate on the corners of his lips. It was pleasurable to see him so untidy, it would make you laugh and kiss his lips, transferring some of the residue onto you like lipstick.

Alex chased me up the stairs of our apartment building with the menace of pinching my ass to coerce squeals out of me. We caused a ruckus, loud off of our sugar high, but, at the very least, not stumbling drunk up the stairs like some of my other neighbors. Alex caught me at the apartment door. I had no escape, he had the keys. He cornered me and gave a hard pinch working his way up from my butt to my stomach where I was ticklish.

"Mercy! Mercy!" I surrendered. He called off his attack, ready to head inside for some explicitness. 

He put the key in, turned it, and then it snapped. He held the bow, the shaft lodged in the lock. "Fuck," he cursed.

Panic set in as Alex fiddled with the doorknob with no luck. "Fuck. Are we locked out?" I asked.

He picked at the lock, muttering, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." 

It soon became clear that we were stuck. It was nearing 1 AM, I desperately had to pee, and Alex had to leave in 6 hours. "Can we kick the door in?"

"Are you suggesting either of us is strong enough to break the deadbolt?" Alex stood up straight, tossing his head back in exhaustion.

I shrugged. "I don't know. You're pretty fit." He was proper chuffed by this, a slight puff in his chest. "I could try."

"With your flip-flops?" They were the cheap kind. I bought them at 5 Below. "If we break the door the whole building can walk in."

Not knowing the number of any emergency locksmiths, I called 911 and waited at the bottom two steps of the staircase facing the front door. "I guess this is what I get for eating too much ice cream," I quipped.

"No such thing," Alex excused. 

Shrouded in quietness and a reputation of lacking patience, I laid my head on Alex's shoulder and would have fallen asleep if my bladder wasn't prepared to burst. Alex tapped a beat on the denim-covered knee and we didn't talk, just stayed close, two beings huddled together for survival and companionship.

Firefighters came and had no luck removing the broken key so they busted into the apartment. We couldn't lock it but we could at least close it. I rushed in for the bathroom. I laid down on our bed and waited for Alex while he used the bathroom. I fell asleep before he returned.

In the morning, Alex nudged me awake. He was fully dressed and by the light stumbling in through the window, I knew what it meant. "I fell asleep. Why'd you let me?"

"Figured if you fell asleep while I was in the bathroom you were pretty tired." Over the covers, flip flops kicked off the edge of the bed, in the two minutes he was away.

"'Kay." I was still fiddling out of sleep when Alex tapped my arm, an insisting action to make me stay in bed. "Let me walk you out."

"No, stay in bed, it's fine." He kneeled beside the bed, forcing my hand.

"You sure?"

He nodded. "I'll see you in a little. Yeah?" He kept it short. It was the easier way.

I rubbed my eye, knowing I wouldn't be going back to sleep as much as Alex hoped I would. "Yeah. I'll try to get off sometime in September."

"Don't feel pressured. I'll see you in Philly, right?" That would be over a month away, 30th of September.

I nodded because it was easier than speaking. "Call me when you get to Boston."

He donned an assuring smile, leaned down, and kissed me. He left and I made myself a cup of coffee and drank it and sat with silence.

*

On a Wednesday, after a day of work, I took the train down to Philadelphia. I had never been before and part of me wanted to enjoy all the tourist things about it but I had limited time between 30th Street Station and heading to the Electric Factory. 

However, I made a pit stop along the way, getting off the subway, and meeting Alex at the Reading Terminal Market for a late lunch/early dinner. It wasn't the Art Museum or Independence Hall but it allowed a cultural indulgence of the city. 

Alex wore a jean jacket and didn't look like a man about to front a sold-out show. We bumped shoulders with passersby as we made our way through the narrow passageways. Alex got a cheesesteak, which I found disgusting. I ate a soft pretzel and assorted candy from a Pennsylvania Dutch candy shoppe.

We managed to find a table wedged between dad with his two kids and a group of high schoolers. Safe to say, we had trouble hearing each other over the chaos but we communicated through shared observations, reacting with a stare at one another as the father began to yell at his son or a laugh at the high schoolers mocking one of their teachers.

We hadn't really spoken until we left the building, stepping out into the beginnings of a crisp autumn evening. Alex bought me ice cream from Bassetts (as if I needed more sugar) and gave the change to a group of busking drummers by the door. 

I grabbed Alex's attention at a stoplight as I dragged out, "So..." 

He chuckled at my solicitation, dragging out his own, "So..."

The light turned green and we stayed in step with one another. I initiated the conversation but I had no follow-up for my So-ing. Sometimes, I just wanted to look at him but walking and staring is a difficult practice. "One of my pieces is going to be in this magazine n+1. Something I wrote back in LA, Jackson submitted forever ago."

"Is it going to be printed?" He asked.

"Yeah, but I think you can read it online."

Quickly, he shook his head. "I want the physical thing."

I laughed. "Always one for physical media, Al." It was clear with the record collection I was storing in a small New York apartment. You had transferred this habit onto me as I went out to purchase the New York Times from a street kiosk instead of reading it online.

"It'll be easier. I can read it on a plane, on the bus, on the toilet."

I hit his shoulder light-heartedly. "Alright, I'll get you the print."

*

At the end of October, Alex returned from Tokyo for a small tour break. We fell into a cycle similar to that of our London days. I went to work, Alex stayed home. We went out to dinner sometimes, and we occasionally went out for drinks with my work friends, but more often, we just stayed home. It was a cocoon and I think we both preferred to stay still with one another after distant months apart.

I drank coffee in bed one morning, a Saturday or Sunday with no rush for any obligations, fine with retiring to a day in our shoebox. We were both still in our pajamas. Alex sat on the edge of the bed, facing me, strumming his guitar. I was on my laptop, scrolling through someone's blog, but mostly watching him.

These unguarded moments with his head slumped over his guitar. His hair covered his face almost completely, only able to distinguish his nose from the rest of him. The ends of his hair held these perfect curls that I envied. He's been perceived to be a cool, uncaring person but I've found Alex, especially during these early years, held such a concern about coming off a certain way, whether considered cold or cool. A long-held hatred for unwanted watching, even from me.

His muscles had suspended into relaxation finally. I found he acquired this rest most often with a guitar. He held a light strum, sometimes humming along, sometimes writing a note in his little notebook.

I thought I was catching an unaware Alex working away, much like our first year of knowing each other. Then, he looked up and said, "If you're going to stare at me, you might as well help me." He tossed me his notebook with dashes and scratches that to the untrained eye looked like a chicken scratch of nothing.

I read it and this time I could feel him watching me. I poured over the words as he had done with his writing and when I finished I said, "I feel so inadequate next to you."

"Shut up," he insisted, both through his support of me and his own insecurity.

"It's a beautiful song." I handed the notebook back to him. "A very beautiful love song." I crossed my arms, smiling at him.

"Well, you know."

"Yeah." Because I always did. This loving, hideous, unspoken language of ours.

 "Good inspiration. You gave me the title." Alex took months of crafting before giving something exposure, like formulating a fine wine. 

"Well, you wrote the rest of it," I reasoned. "Is it for the new album?"

He shrugged and examined his own work. "I don't think so. Maybe just for you and me."

*

a/n: this is pretty much for goblinontour. the next parts will come much sooner, we're approaching the thick of it... oh, and if you see any mistakes, no you didn’t.

[mltshphq]

A Timeline and History of MLKSHK, MLTSHP

👋 Hi, I’m Brad Choate. Here’s a recollection of my involvement with MLKSHK and MLTSHP over the years. The following is pieced together from bits of email, Twitter, TypePad, Tumblr, database records, and aging neurons.

A timeline of mlkshk.com

Domain registration - 4/13/2008

Initial commit from Andre - 3/13/2010

First commit from Ivan - 10/1/2010

AWS database created - 10/20/2010

First posted file (“farrrrrt bird”) - 10/27/2010

First users created (82) - 10/28/2010

Opens to limited audience - 10/28/2010

First TypePad blog post - 12/29/2010

Opens to wider audience via invites, waitlist - ~1/4/2011

First comment - 1/11/2011

Opens to general public - ~4/26/2011

First commit from Mark - 5/19/2011

Shutdown announcement - 5/1/2014

Andre is hired at Slack - ?

Shutdown averted? - 6/18/2014

Shutdown averted announcement - 6/30/2014

First commit from Brad - 8/3/2014

Good Web Bundle promotion - 11/19/2014

Subscription woes - 5/20/2015

More subscription woes - 7/9/2015

Subscriptions restored (delaying another imminent shutdown) - 3/24/2016

Final shutdown announcement - 2/22/2017

Enters read-only mode - 3/31/2017

Waxy.org post about MLKSHK’s closure - 4/13/2017

Closes - 5/1/2017

Lifespan from 10/27/2010 - 2,379 days, or 6 years, 6 months, 5 days.

Lifespan extended 3 years from 5/1/2014 shutdown announcement.

A timeline of mltshp.com

Continuation community assembles itself… on Facebook?! - 11/3/2016

mltshp.com domain registration date - 3/9/2017

Initial commit to Github by Brad - 3/17/2017

Fundraising - 3/24/2017

Gettin things done - 3/31/2017

MLKSHK user login support - 4/30/2017

GIF to Video feature - 5/9/2017

First Tumblr blog post and launch - 5/16/2017

Dropped Google Analytics - 5/10/2019

2019 State of the SHP - 8/29/2019

Site search introduced - 9/3/2019

4th birthday - 5/16/2021

Fastly CDN switch(back) - 12/22/2022

6th birthday - 5/16/2023

Happy 7th Birthday - 5/16/2024

Lifespan to date (as of this writing on 12/24/2024): 2,780 days, or 7 years, 7 months, 9 days.

Some personal history

I joined MLKSHK by invitation on January 6, 2011 as a regular user. I found MLKSHK to be a breath of fresh air compared to your typical social media site (which still holds true today). After the shutdown announcement in 2014, I tried to offer help and reached out again around July 2014 after the announcement that the site would not be closing. I had met Andre once before, but mostly knew of him through colleagues at Six Apart. Andre took me up on the volunteer help… remember, by this time he wasn’t running MLKSHK as a business, so the ~3 years that follow are maintaining the site as a hobby, particularly since it was still losing money.

Initially, I helped with site performance issues, including some query optimizations. As time passed, it became clear that the site was still in danger of closing due to the cost of services it was incurring, which was not offset enough by subscriptions. So Andre and I went through a cost assessment process and we identified a number of things that could be done. Switching away from Fastly to a cheaper CDN (KeyCDN at the time) shaved CDN operational costs by 66% (Fastly charges 12 cents per gigabyte of transfer and KeyCDN charges 4 cents) so we started there, since it was the easiest change to make and had the most impact.

I also helped with the site’s participation in the “Good Web Bundle” promotion which brought in a few subscribers and returning members. The following year (2015), we had to rebuild subscriptions from scratch since both Tugboat and Amazon payments had to be retired, and we replaced those with Stripe. Alas, the site was still just not able to sustain itself as it was, and a decision was made to close for good in 2017.

Before that happened, the MLKSHK community began a conversation with Andre to transition the site to a community-run operation. I wasn’t involved in discussions, so don’t have insight into the choice behind creating a new domain and brand instead of adopting MLKSHK outright (I suspect Andre just preferred a clean break). Andre agreed to share all data and source code to the transition team. I helped with transitioning the source code for MLKSHK; cleaning it up for the basis of the MLTSHP repository to become an open source project.

It was decided that it would be best to make MLTSHP more closed in nature… so much of MLKSHK was open to free users, even some allowance for post creation. The plan was to relaunch with a membership requirement, but also with two price plans - the regular $24/year membership (plus an option to specify any amount over $24/year if the member wants to), and a new $3/year membership which effectively was the same level of service that was provided for free registered users before. While posting was being restricted to members, we wanted to keep certain things open for all: our “Popular” page, and individual post links which can be shared anywhere.

There would be some downtime between MLKSHK’s closure and the launch of MLTSHP. We aimed to keep that downtime low, but it gave us some time to make some larger changes that would make for a more sustainable and cost-efficient service.

Switching off of Amazon AWS for web server and database service was a big one. I had wanted to do this for MLKSHK as early as 2014, but we never did. I took a snapshot of AWS expenses from January 2017 and costs for that month were $400 (just RDS + S3 + EC2 and outbound data transfer to our CDN). We switched these to use Linode. For CDN service, KeyCDN was more cost effective than Fastly was, but we decided to switch to using Cloudflare for CDN since it wouldn’t cost anything (ironically, MLTSHP has since switched back to Fastly after receiving an offer to operate at no cost). The only remaining AWS feature MLTSHP is using is S3 for block storage. There are some cheaper S3-compatible services available, but the potential savings have never justified the task of a migration. Operational costs today are less than half of what we were spending for AWS alone, and we pay nothing for CDN service.

We also set up a real deployment process, utilizing Buildkite (they offer a free account for us to use), making it easier to test and deploy community-led changes. This also included utilizing Docker which also makes it easier for contributors to run their own copy of the site locally for development.

Ahead of MLTSHP’s launch, a service was built that would transcode GIF images (a popular, but heavy file format) to video formats that those would serve instead of the original GIF file. This was a cost-saving measure, since popular GIFs lead to a lot of traffic, so the smaller the better.

Another must-have for relaunch was a process that would migrate a user’s MLKSHK data when they signed into MLTSHP. This required us to load all the MLKSHK data into the MLTSHP database (in a separate set of tables) and we also had permission from Andre to make a wholesale copy of the MLKSHK S3 bucket to MLTSHP’s S3 bucket so all images were preserved.

And we also had a full rebranding to do. Replacing all site design and assets so that it was different, but retaining the spirit of the original site.

There have been a lot of changes to the site since that time. We’ve added site-wide search, responsive design so the site works well for mobile devices, support for light and dark mode, an alt text field so images can be described, and many other things. Big feature releases are few and far between, but the site is stable which is a great feature.

Our Github repo has had 412 commits from 26 different contributors. There’s still a lot of stuff to do (patches welcome)! But the most important feature we’ve developed is a self-sustainable community. We don’t have to worry about closing.