#Bruce like ?????? what's wrong w/ u guys?????

[worstloki]

Bruce: have you ever broken a bone? Thor: yeah Bruce: did it hurt? Thor: not really Bruce, confused: do Asgardians not--? What bone did you break??? Thor: Loki's arm Loki, next to him: *taps arm excitedly* right here

[spectr3inl0ve]

craddle robber!bruce when your parents knew you date him they thought he's just another older white guy that'll take advantage of you but you're actually love everything about him (even if you're the same age as his adopted siblings) (especially cassandra as i am also asian i probably befriend my same age future daughter-in-law)

FORREAL LIKE THE PARENTS SUSPECTING THAT CRADLE ROBBER!BRUCE WAYNE IS GONNA TAKE ADVANTAGE??? But they don't realise how much he truly cares about and loves reader until they see it for themselves jdjrkeifj!!! and the thing abt cass AAAAH yesyes I think in general reader would try to have a good relationship w bruces army of children. since cass is more of a quiet person (from what I've seen so far I could be wrong 🤷‍♀️) ur relationship w her would be more of a presence thing ykwim???? like u guys could just be sitting on the couch together, saying only a few words while doing ur own thing and it'd count as quality time

[holycartoonwarrior]

KATHLEEN FROM TLOU SOooo true. The show was great all the characters were great and nuanced and then Kathleen comes around and they make her an unhinged emotional child killing monster. Like that's supposed to make me ponder whether or not she was right to kill all those cops.... 🤨

No FR. The show tries to make her seem like the bad guy when she’s literally right? They’re like “ur brother would’ve forgiven that guy who got him killed” and she’s like “that’s exactly why he died” AND SHES NOT WRONG??? Her revenge isn’t petty, i know henry has Sam but even he realizes he literally is allowing fedra to destroy this community. Also btw REALLY weird they made Sam younger and deaf as if to make the idea of him being killed more “evil” it feels really gross.

In the game the way the game is shown exclusively from Joel’s perspective allows us to be empathetic but also acknowledge his views on the fireflies is extremely one sided and biased and he isn’t doing the right thing. But the show goes out of its way to positively portray anyone who is even REMOTELY like Joel. And it sucks cuz some of the best episodes come out of it and yet their implications for the larger politics of the show is weird.

Why does Bill an ancap who hordes resources get a gentle off screen death? What he does is immoral but because it’s not actively “”mean”” he gets to go into that quiet good night where as Marlene and Kathleen dont??

What he did has consequences as much as Kathleen but she has to be gruesomely killed as comeuppance after a contrived scene where she doesn’t tell anyone abt the zombies just cuz???? I rlly don’t like how the show makes her randomly want to kill civilians for no reason just to make her the bad guy cuz they can’t handle the reality that anti fascism is a complicated and messy and non peaceful reality at times but it’s still right. They couldn’t handle that. So then they add the magical non violent commune to retroactively be like “see Kathleen should be more like that” as if Joel doesn’t go on to kill anyone he disagrees w anyway. Niel is a liberal centrist who openly admitted the way he writes the the fireflies comes From his own weird views on the I/P conflict and I think it explains a lot.

Kathleen couldve been a nuanced depiction of the necessary violence that comes with needing to take down fascism and what it means to be a good person who makes tough sacrifices for the greater good. Give actual legitimacy to the other side, to the fireflies decision w Ellie later, so that when Joel murders them all it gives u the same gross feeling it does in the game.

But Niel literally shat all over his co creator Bruce Straley of the game by letting HBO give him sole credit and not acknowledge, involve, or pay Bruce at all for the show? So he clearly doesn’t care abt integrity.

[inkonsistentsky]

back in my hal jordan hyperfixation, and i think what dc writers do for bruce and clark in which they occasionally switch from their love interests to diana??? should be done for hal ollie n barry, like sorry you cannot fucking tell me they have not done shit tgt are you kidding me? im an avid batlantern fan don't get me wrong but like, with the amount of homoerotic codependence between the three of them, surely....surely they've at least made out once or twice. also ollie n hal are ABSOLUTELY they type of bitches that are so touchy n constantly kiss their loved ones (platonic or otherwise) like idc what these bloody dc old white men say. it's the, they should be better at touchy feely shit but also i think modernising charm in them would not actually be the worst thing in the world. like sorry it's still on my mind the most recent hal jordan comic actually like i still CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE HE WAS PORTRAYED AS SO FUCKING CREEPY IN THAT ONE, the writer isn't a bad person allegedly?? because people have good experiences w him (by people i mean afab people cause amab people r not going to have issues w comic writers are you shitting me? unless they r not white, which is majority of the population but) what was i saying...

OH right anyway i don't like that my favourite motherfucker is portrayed as doing shit like that. i also fucking HATE when hal and carol r portrayed as enemies or like bitter exes i fuckinnnnggggg hate it, let them be friends bro. they've been childhood friends, she also literally was the pink lantern for a bit i think she perfectly understands hal's circumstances and it's not like she's entirely faultless either on account of trying to kill him (but also she is never at fault, carol my beloved!!) what was my point, uhhhhhh anyway there's like so much opportunity to make them silly goofy guys that just hang out n do manicures (i'm still such an avid supporter of genderfluid hal sorry, idc if people are like!! but it was the spectre's influence, he's not spectre anymore!! BRO u can figure out late in the game ur trans and it cld have just made him feel more comfortable, the influence of the spectre cld have made him go !! oh i like this actually....) & gossip. also the both of them r such gossipy gals tho dc is missing out sorry, they can make perfectly homoerotic "friendships" btw guys but amab afab friendships are sooo difficult to do. actl im done i forgot my point just a silly little rant

[tinyyoungblood]

hi!! adore your work love. could you maybe do smth where stark!reader has to get her wisdom teeth out but HATES the dentist so she brings her boyf peter and her dad w her?? and then when they get home the avengers are all waiting with like comical amounts of flowers and stuffed animals and then reader says some funny shiii and thor thinks she’s like dying lol. idk if that made sense but i’m getting my wisdom teeth out soon and i’m scared😭 thank u so so much love u babe

pairing: peter parker x stark!reader

a/n: tysm lovely :,) i rushed through this like my life depended on it, but i hope i’m not too late. either way, i hope you’re okay! it’s frightening but those bad boys gotta go because we don’t need that kind of energy in our lives. enjoy x

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

wisdom teeth? more like wisdoom

y/n has to get her wisdom teeth removed and it’s the singular most dreadful thing she’s ever had to do, which says a lot because her dad is tony richling stark

doing dreadful things she doesn’t want to do but still somehow end up doing just because she can is a personality trait at this point

no one really makes a big deal out of it since ~death~ is part of their job description, but y/n is terrified

and when a stark is terrified the only thing that will keep them one step from insanity is researching the hell out of it

that information will be info dumped into every conversation for the next few weeks leading up to the appointment

“y/n you need anything from the store?” "no thanks, did you know the side effects of getting your wisdom teeth out include ✨sudden death or blood clots✨ tho” “……..i have a coupon?”

the day of the appointment, peter comes along and literally doesn’t let go of y/n’s hand. he keeps touching her to let her know that he’s there and it’s so. adorable

he would rest his hand on her knee, gently stroke her back while holding her, or just play with her hair

happy drops them off and he’s too Cool™ for emotions but he knows y/n’s a wreck, so he just fist bumps her with a single nod and she almost breaks down bc it’s really affectionate

y/n is sitting in the dentist chair and genuinely nothing is happening yet, but she’s squeezing peter’s hand like it’s a sponge

peter might have a high pain tolerance but he’s in pain pain and he prays that his hand won’t just explode on him

the dentist notices how peter tries to keep it together and chuckles

“you okay there, son?” “yea it’s fine, had a better time when a building fell on me tho haha” “pardon?” “oh i mean i didn’t have a good time, i just had a better time”

because y/n is running Anxious Town™, the dentist gives her a sedative to help her relax 

plus, an injection of local anaesthetic to numb the tooth and surrounding area

she doesn’t feel anything and it’s GREAT

the procedure is quicker than expected and now the real fun begins

she tries to walk but she falls down so peter scoops her up bridal style and happy stays glued at her side

y/n doesn’t mind although she literally doesn’t recognise them and they’re practically strangers to her

but girly sees an opportunity and tries to flirt with peter bc why wouldn’t she

“you’re pretty” *blushes* “why thanks” “you should let your girlfriend know” “i should let her know i’m pretty?” “so you do have a gf? :(” “yea it’s you” “:)”

they stop for gas and peter goes in to get some water for y/n, and in her infinite wisdom, she decides it’s burger time

her mouth is completely numb and she’s practically leaving a trail of drool behind her, but she’d kill for a burger right now

so she wobbles around aimlessly for an hour on some random parking lot as if the ground might just magically open up like a rabbit hole and lead her to five guys

she’s going places. not back to the car. definitely not five guys. they’re closed. but places

peter finally finds her and he’s drenched from head to toe in sweat. he doEsn’T wAnt tO tALk abOut iT tho so she lets him take her to subway instead

normally, she would know that peter’s usual subway order is bread-lettuce-jalapeño

but in her drugged-up state, it had simply slipped her mind so now she’s staring at him like he’d just murdered someone right in front of her

“that- that’s your order?? no meat or anything just bread, lettuce, and a little spice?”

meanwhile at the compound, sam and steve are ordering everyone around bc they want to decorate this place before y/n gets home to surprise her

they take it very seriously too. they’ve watched like one HGTV show and said it’s our time

they finally get home and tony gives y/n a big hug, asking her what took so long

happy tells him that she was keen on getting burgers bc apparently someone has taught her that stressful times call for ~cheeseburgers~

he proceeds to look at tony with a pointed look

tony just shrugs and goes “she was a problem child. we don’t mention her dark past”

she’s swaying on the spot and keeps grinning like a fool and thor just stares at her weirdly before elbowing bruce and whispering loudly,

“what’s wrong with her? is she dying? should i start collecting leaves, i know this remedy—"

no one can tell if y/n is just happy to see the newly decorated home or if she’s just delighted to see everyone but then she goes around hugging the entire team

she doesn’t even acknowledge the sky-high pile of teddy bears and flowers everywhere bc she’s just squeezing everybody

y/n is so high, she just starts to spill all of her feelings about everyone and they’re already so overwhelmed by the hug chain they can’t take this too

“wanda i just want you to know that you’re like my big sister and you’re always taking care of me and i know you and vision are just going to make such good parents one day”

“bucky you absolute PRICK, you FIEND, you’re the best chess player ever and that’ll never change and i wouldn’t be good without you, i hate to say it but you deserve happiness even after you made me lose five times in a row yesterday”

“dad, you’re so strong and smart, even though we’re like never on the same page, you’re always along for the ride, i want to be like you when i grow up, i swear i’m gonna try to be as good to the avengers as you were to us” “aww- wait makes you think i'll be the first to die“

“nat you’re such a bitch about your protein shakes but you’re my best friend and i wouldn’t have it any other way, you can try out as many make up looks on me as you want”

“bruce, brucey, i would live with you in your lab for the rest of my days if i had to, whenever you ask me to hand you stuff i feel useful and important”

“laura’s way out of your league clint i have no idea how the fuck you got her but don’t lose her and i want to be your next child’s godmother”

“steve…we’re your family now. we’re always gonna be your family now. okay?”

“loki you’re not fooling anyone with your attitude, we all know you’re part of the family, you were just misunderstood and messed up bc of your dad–FUCK him by the way–but i realised everyone deserves as many chances as they need because of you”

“sam i would genuinely kill anyone who wronged you, even if they cut you in line at the grocery store, i would knife them no hesitation”

“thor, you poor golden retriever have been through so much, on my way here i made a wish on an eyelash for you bc you deserve better, your postcards always make my day, love you”

she mumbles something to peter that no one else can hear but he blushes and chokes back a sob

y/n orders hot soup and bucky brings it to her but before he even has time to react peter drops everything and ZOOMS across the room in .3 seconds

he barrels into bucky so hard they both go flying, but peter just smoothly rolls out of it and onto his feet like some kind of super ninja

“DUDE WHAT THE HELL” “😠 y/n is not supposed to drink hot liquids 😠”

all of this happens in mere seconds but sam has filmed it all and now slow mo clips go viral online of some mysterious kid knocking over the winter soldier

y/n’s a little in and out after that, but when she fully regains consciousness, she’s on a pile of blankets, surrounded by the team on the floor <3

* * *

let me know if this is actually comforting lmao stay hydrated pals

hc masterlist

[mattelektras]

ur morrison comment made me curious

i hate them too, like sm sm, but what would u call their trademarks?? i havent read much bc i just get a hives reaction to their stuff and put it down very fast lmao

how long you got

side note i did not realise grant morrison uses they/them so. they were originally misgendered throughout this but i think i’ve corrected it all now

cannot write in a straight line. we have to go the scenic route to get through any story, to get to any point which i think is just. grant morrison liking the sound of their own voice

final crisis for example. omega beams kill you in the present.... send you into the past... something about turning batman into a bomb..... i dont have the qualifications for this

writes women like theyve been personally wronged by every single woman ever. emma's promiscuous and makes scott cheat. jean is a jealous girlfriend, they're both catty and shallow. over scott summers of all people. i love him i do but i am not causing a fight over that man

and talia..... talia who they must hate most of all. retconned her into being a rapist who uses a child to get to bruce. it was all about sex and manipulation and she couldnt possibly have actually loved the guy and the kid she has with him. they are almost SOLELY responsible for the devolution in talia’s character and everything that’s happened with her since

wrote jason todd as some kind of emo anarchist kinda guy which was just shallow he was annoying as fuck. he was just. batman with guns. there was no point to any of it. all of batman incorporated has always been a disaster

wrote superman in all star superman, and imo, in general, the worst thing you can do when writing a superman book is to make him all powerful and god like etc and thats EXACTLY what morrison did. which took away the likeability and relatability from one of the most likeable and relatable characters there is

when they write batman, they take all the negative things about bruce and smother the good things to death with them. he's cruel instead of disciplined, he doesnt trust anyone instead of just having a very close circle, hes a lot more violent and is straight up the worst parent out there. he's just an all powerful, never loses, egomaniac w no redeeming qualities. its very frank miller imo. very much the im the goddamn batman brand

they write wonder woman earth one which... given everything ive said about how they write women... really ISNT a book for them to have any business writing. hippolyta stole sperm from hercules to impregnate herself w diana which is. maybe not rape literally but INCREDIBLY uncomfortable to read and definitely a violation of the sexual nature?? imo??? i dont know how to explain it. the amazons are much more of a dictatorship and a lot of the first vol is like. an orgy but we're calling it feminism?? its a very outdated take on what they think feminism is

a lot of people who do like grant morrison think that theyre very intelligent because everyone else just doesnt UNDERSTAND the points theyre trying to make because theyre just on another level and they have so many nfts and SO much bitcoin that we couldnt possibly understand

[batarangsoundsdumb]

yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

[ptsdickgrayson]

i love it when you draw young bruce as some scruffy little kid who punches. heck yeah Violence and Anger <3

also.... pls pls talk about batman (telltale/comics/2022, no pref!!). any things you like, things you want to change, headcanons, etc,,

Ty!!! He rlly is just a lil guy w anger issues lol. And yes I will talk abt telltale batman cuz well yknow (my obsession lmao) So! Some things I rlly like abt the game is that they made Bruce such a dork haha like… u can choose the options obvi but I think rlly no matter what u choose he is so dorky. I also rlly like how they focus on Bruce more than Batman. I love the bat too though don’t get me wrong. And I love love love the convo he has w Selina when she basically says Catwoman is the same person as Selina but Bruce says he’s a different person from Batman. I found that rlly rlly interesting!! I rlly liked how they explored that, like even their facial expressions and body language is different! U can rlly see when he slips into bat-mode. I want to know more abt that tbh like what’s going on mentally w that. The game calls his psyche “fractured” and yea that’s very true I think. I hc that Batman was born when his parents were shot (that might be canon idk) and he couldn’t control when he would go into Batman mode until he was an adult. It’s definitely a coping mechanism for him. But yea haha I hope all that makes sense I kinda have a hard time explaining things.. Ty for listening!!!

[pastrnaks-sainz]

Game Texts 1/20/22 Bruins - Caps

not fucking this again

literally FUCK ESPN YOURE MOT A HOME CAST

not the t*m w*ls*n praise 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

DID WILSON FUCKING STRIKE AGAIN

He said “that was a beautiful hit”

ARE WE PLAYING THE NO CALL GAME AGAIN

WhT were they chanting?

fuck tom wilson

OH MY FUCKING GOD ESPN JUST SUCK WILSON’S DICK ALREADY WE ALL KNOW YOU WANT TO

You ain’t wrong tho

You just said it with ✨passion✨

Who do we think would fight Wilson

cheeks or cc tbh

and bambi doesn’t fight even tho i’d LOVE to see him take his revenge

I miss Thornton

i miss quaider

quaider woulda had him in PIECES

the way this guy says haula’s name pisses me off

DAMN

CHEEKS

I FUCKIN LOVE YOU

okay so in the locker room bruce definitely just asked for volunteers to fight wilson and at least 7 guys raised their hands

cheeks is one of them and his hand was the first up

also mark messier looks like somebody who drives a windowless white van through school zones

i’m gonna have to sage after this game

dude imagine what jack woulda said

he channels our anger well

can blondie stfu i’m losing brain cells

espn might as well make one of those stupid edits with the hearts for the caps

i mean tuukkas still cleaning the shit outta his pants from tuesday so

FUCK YOU HATHAWAY

OHHHHHH WE RIDE AT FUCKING DAWN LETS GO BURN DC

The ppl talking “that’s when you know a player is hurt when he comes off the ice during a power play” and the other guy laughed ?????

CAPITALS FANS GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY CITY

I would rather eat dirt every morning than be a capitals fan

He just mad his real name is Thomas

no blood what a pussy

don’t call him taylor asshole

FUCK YEAH

“puck got skinny” u wish u could do the same

Pasta literally just stroked his head

into the ford f-150 final five

PENALTY ON WASH LFG

YES

CHEEKS

WAT A FUCKIN BEAUTY

SIR. CHARLES.

ugh i’m tearing up

[zatannaroth]

𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒖

On a rooftop Red Robin was on patrol with Batwoman tonight. He turn to face her and asked "Do you think anything will happen tonight?" She looked at him with the face that said really? " It's gotham!..of course something going to happen" she lift her hands up in the air to prove her point. Red Robin shrugged and nodded "your right." They both continue the patrol, when Red Robin felt something wasn't right about himself.

"Hey!"

He looked down on the streets to see a couple of guys beating up a innocent person. "It's go time" Batwoman said. As she swing down and started to help the person who needed to be save. Red Robin shooked his head ignoring the feeling and went down to help. He took down the guys but didn't realize, one of them had a gun.

𝗕𝗔𝗡𝗚!

𝑀𝑒𝑎𝑛𝑤𝒉𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑤𝒉𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑒𝑙𝑠𝑒

The Titans were fighting brother blood's people. "Cyborg I need you to come with me so we can shut this place down!" Nightwing said. "Okay! But we need make sure none of these people leave" Cyborg replied. "We got it covered, Beast boy and the others are on it".

Donna and Starfire grab a hold of the bad guys, "Nightwing? We have some. What do we do next?" Donna asked. "Make sure they don't leave" Nightwing replied. Cyborg was trying to shut the place down but it wasn't working. "I need more time"

"We don't have time!"

Nightwing slammed the desk and to tried to think of another plan. "Beast boy and kid flash watch the exit" Nightwing order them. "on it!" The two boys said. But it was still wasn't enough.

They needed to take down brother blood once in for all.

"Raven I need you to barricade the whole place..can you do that?" Nightwing asked. "Yes but I am going to have to use all my energy for that" she said. Nightwing nodded "We're going to take care of you Raven after..don't worry." He told her. Raven took a deep breath before starting to use her magic.

Her magic glow beautifully every time she use it . But not tonight...when she use her magic to barricade the place. She felt pain something like a gun shot . But it's wasn't her who was shot.

𝑇𝑖𝑚!

"AHH!" Her magic stop the barricader from happening and she was falling from the sky. She hit her head pretty hard then ever, while holding her abdomen. She's scream in pain.

𝑮𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒎

"Tim hold on!" Batwoman said as she took him back to the batcave. Alfred had everything ready for him. But for Tim.. he felt like he fell from the sky hard, causing more pain then it already was. "M-my head hurts" Tim said while holding his wound. "I know master Tim, I know" he's tries to calm him. Batman came into the room and see his son with blood. "What happened back there?" he asked his wife. "He was shot..w-we didn't know they had a gun" Kate explain to him. But was cut off by the batcomputer. A call from Dick.

"Nightwing what wrong?" Batman asked him. "I need back up. My teammate is down and I need who ever u have available, to help me take down bother blood and his people." Nightwing said. Batman looked at Tim, he was in pain while getting stitch up. "Tim been shot...I can't go-" "I'll watch him Bruce" Kate said.

He looked at her and nodded. "which of your teammate is hurt?" Bruce asked him. "it's Raven, something not right with her." Nightwing said. Making Tim jumped hearing her name.

𝑅𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑛?

"What happened to her?" Tim asked him. Ignoring his pain. Everyone was confused, since when did Tim cared about Nightwing teammate?

"I don't know but we need help now" Nightwing said. "Okay I'll help you and get the others, but bring Raven here.. so we can see what we can do". Nightwing nodded and ended the call.

Batman left and while Tim was slowly falling asleep. And now knowing that Raven was going to be with him. He felt the pain was slowly going away now.

[spaceorphan18]

do u think Kurt has ever had sex w anyone aside from Blaine? I sort of like the idea that he really took his dad’s word to heart and only attached sex to feelings, which is why it was so important to him in their relationship. Personally I don’t believe he had sex with Walter or Adam because of the body language he had around them. I don’t want it to be like “Kurt is a virgin saving himself for Blaine” but more like Blaine is the only one he’s ever felt deeply enough to have sex. thoughts?

I understand the sentiment of your feelings -- I do, because I was once there during the original run of the show.  And there’s nothing proving things one way or an other -- so, even after you’ve read what I have to say, if you feel differently, that’s perfectly fine and valid!  The text is pretty open to any kind of interpretation. 

Before I get into it, I want to discuss your comment: 

I don’t want it to be like “Kurt is a virgin saving himself for Blaine” but more like Blaine is the only one he’s ever felt deeply enough to have sex.

So, I want to start by saying when I was younger, I didn’t understand how people could just have sex with people they weren’t in love with.  Part of it is because my Mom was a lot like Burt, and gave me a talk very similarly to what Kurt receives in the show.  Part of it is, I’ve learned, is because I’m demisexual, and I’ve never felt the need to have casual sex.  But as I’ve gotten older, my views on this have changed a lot.  

I do believe that Blaine is the only one whom Kurt has had deep and meaningful sex, but Kurt having other sexual relationships and encounters is not at all a bad thing -- and can be quite healthy in his understanding of how relationships, and his own sexuality, work.  Now, I’d like to make clear that it’s fine whether you’ve had sex with a hundred people, or if you’ve had sex with no one -- your worth is not valued by the amount (or lack) of sexual partners you’ve had.   But what I am saying is that there’s nothing wrong with Kurt having other sexual partners, nor does it detract from the meaningfulness that finds in having sex with Blaine.  

So, let’s talk a second about Previously Unaired Christmas (yes, I know, I’d rather not, either, but it does have some valuable insight).  Kurt, in an attempt to feel better, makes the decision to get a little tipsy, and throw caution to the wind -- and in the process decides to hook up with Cody.  Now, pretending that he isn’t a skeevy conman who preys on minors, Kurt would have surely slept with Cody. And found... that casual sex can still feel good, but maybe it’s not for him because he does prefer the emotional connection his bond with Blaine brings.  

I don’t think the encounter with Cody needed to be a bad one. (My huge objection to this whole thing in the episode is that Cody is a really gross guy taking advantage of minors, and for that I’m glad he didn’t get that far with Kurt.)  I think as long as you have a healthy attitude towards sex and the idea of sex, that you can enjoy the pleasure of it even if it isn’t as emotionally satisfying as having sex with someone you love deeply.  And that’s okay!  Say this did happen with Kurt -- it doesn’t undermine the fact that Kurt is very much still in love with Blaine.  

FWIW - I did write a casual sexual relationship for Kurt in my fic With Every Broken Bone (set between seasons 5 and 6) for this reason -- so Kurt can have a positive sexual encounter who isn’t Blaine - where he comes out of it happy to have had the experience, but still very much in love with Blaine.  

Moving on... let’s talk about Adam! I’ve done a lot of talk about Adam, tbh, (you can find it in my meta tag!) so I’ll probably keep this short.  I think if Kurt was to sleep with Adam, it’d be after Boys and Girls on Film, after they go on that date.  I don’t think Kurt was there yet before, but there’s a definite possibility that after they see their movie, things progress.  But, as with the Cody example, I can easily see Kurt sleeping with Adam, and it not being bad, but not being great either, so he decides he’d rather sleep with his boyfriend pillow, Bruce instead of Adam (which, let’s be honest, is kinda funny).  

I do like the idea of Kurt sleeping with Adam -- because it gives him more experience, but also because it gives him another change to realize how valuable his relationship with Blaine is -- because it allows him to have something to compare to.  

Let’s talk about Walter... Now, I think the show goes out of its way to paint them as nonsexual -- mostly because that relationship keeps getting compared to Blaine’s very sexual relationship with Karofsky as a really chaste thing.  

But I’ve warmed considerably to the idea that Kurt slept with Walter.  So, here’s my thing -- at this point in his life, Kurt has a very different relationship with sex than when he did a few years earlier.  He and Blaine have now had a ton of sex.  Kurt knows what he likes and what he doesn’t, and we know that he really enjoys sex (and is very grupmy when he doesn’t get it).  I can see Kurt going into the thing with Walter being well aware that he just wants to have sex with an attractive older man and it doesn’t mean much other than feeling good.  

And that’s okay! Because Kurt knows he can easily walk away from it once Blaine becomes available again.  As Brittany has told him -- he shouldn’t just put his life on hold just because he’s waiting for he and Blaine to get back together, and part of his life is sex.  So, yeah, I can see him enjoying a casual, sexual relationship with Walter while waiting to get back with Blaine.  

So, those are my thoughts! My line of thinking, and maybe it’s just age that’s gotten me here, is that there’s no shame whatever your sexual history might be.  I do agree with Burt’s sentiment that you shouldn’t throw yourself around as a way to please other people, because it’s expected of you, or because you feel that’s the only way to receive love (Blaine tried that -- it didn’t work).  But having a healthy relationship with sex and your own sexual identity is a good thing! 

Whether you’re like Mercedes and want to only have sex with someone you’re going to marry, or whether you’re like Brittany and have fun having sex with everyone -- as long as you’re being safe, educated, and in a consenting situation, then what ever your sexual encounters are is fine!  I personally like the idea of Kurt exploring his sexual identity with other people because it helps inform his decision that Blaine is ultimately the person he wants to be with.  But the text is open, and if you interpret it differently, that’s cool, too.  :) 

[gothamdad]

THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS PART ONE: CINEMATIC WRONGS AND ANALYSIS COMMENTARY

DO NOT REBLOG.

This is going to be a bullet point list of incidents that occur in the movie, and will either have my general commentary or an analysis of what makes the scene terrible (or in some rare cases, good). TRIGGERS FOR SUICIDE, MENTAL HEALTH, AND DYSMORPHIA 

-bruce trying to kill himself in the beginning of the movie. 

Hes reckless, and willing to risk his life, but not suicidal. But he just purposefully gets into a wreck at 2 minutes into the movie?? for no reason??? theres literally no reason for it other than it being angsty bc they COULDVE started the movie with the mutants doing crime, as the next scene cuts right into it and the following news reports 

-"This reporter hopes that wherever he is, hes enjoying a toast with good friends" said when its the anniversary of batman’s disappearance 

this is stupid I hate this movie. You're telling me Gotham forgives Batman for just disappearing on them? DID THAT NOT HAPPEN IN NML AND EVERYONE GOT PISSED??? Like everyone in this movie seems to have forgot he abandoned the city. Not to mention, and I'm gonna go off on a tangent here, bruce will be batman for as long as he lives. He calls himself batman in his mind even when hes retired. He believes that Bruce wayne is the mask. His whole identity is batman. Saying that hed quit because of jason is not only stupid because it implies Jason's death isnt just as important as his parents, but shows that any tragedy is enough to permanently knock him down. And as if the league, or the family, would have let him give up. Anyway the whole reason the retirement in batman beyond works is because it shows bruce was going to fight until he literally died on the spot, but instead he pointed a gun, didn't even use it, just pointed it, and he realized he wasnt fit to HONOR batman anymore. He broke the rule. And he doesnt deserve to wear the mantle. This is so good because 1) bruce still wants to be batman and 2) it doesnt imply that he gave up at all, and at this point with his decreasing wellness his family WOULD be telling him to stop

-Gordon toasts with Bruce on the anniversary

FBKSBSOANSISSB OH MY GOD IT JUST SHOWED HIM SHARING A TOAST WITH GORDON. this is the anniversary of the last time batman is sighted and gordon. JIM FUCKING GORDON. Is celebrating. When they were literally partners and hed shine the batsignal each night TELL ME WHERE THE LOGIC IS!!! I CANT FIND THE LOGIC!!!!! I'm literally 3 minutes into this movie..... and already this is how its going...

-Gordon and Bruce talk

"You're not worried about me, are you?" Asked when hes in clear danger of being attacked by mutants "noT MorE tHAn i aM tHe ReST oF tHis CItY" ah yes. I forgot that Bruce hated gotham and jim Gordon. My mistake. Common misconception.

-the mutants are introduced

Ugh and it's the worst kind of villains too, jim just described the mutants as "the worst kind of criminals. They are only after violence, with no humanity at all" GIVE! VILLAINS! REASONING! I hate these joker wannabes Joker was already enough we dont need a million more "lol I'm just evil deal with it" villains

"Talk to Dick lately?"asks Gordon "You know I havent" Bruce responds

THIS CONVERSATION IS GETTING W O R S E BC I KNOW HOW THIS MOVIE GOES AND HE JUST INSTANTLY HAS CARRIE BE THE NEW ROBIN- WHICH, IS N O T BRUCE'S TO GIVE. ITS ALWAYS BEEN DICK'S MANTLE TO PASS DOWN- WHEN HE HASNT BEEN SPEAKING TO DICK????

-tangent on how it’s overlooked that Dick Grayson was the one to make Robin, not Batman

This is a sin that not just the movie, but the batman franchise in general seems to always make. Robin was made as a tribute to the flying graysons, and is meant to be colorful and aerodynamic for acrobatic tricks. it should always be dick’s to pass down, or the next robin after. 

-Bruce begins having trouble with holding back his urge to be Batman

His whole wanting to be batman again thing started because of a newspaper with a family's death and pearls being sold. On the same front cover. I'm. THATS WHEN HE REMEMBERS HIS PARENTS? NOT EVERY FUCKING TIME HE HEARS A GUNSHOT? OR CLOSES HIS EYES? OR SEES BLOOD? HE READS A NEWSPAPER THATS FLOATING IN THE WIND??????NOT EVERY TIME HE LOOKS AT JASONS COSTUME? OR THE OTHER CRIMES COMMITTED??????LOGIC!!!!!!!!!! I NEED !!!! TO KNOW!!!!! WHERE IT IS!!!!!!!! ARE U KIDDING ME NOW THE MARK OF ZORRO, WHICH IS WHO THE FUCK KNOWS HOW OLD NOW, IS ON TV??????????? AND HE JUST HAPPENS TO FLIP TO THE CHANNEL.. Batman telling bruce "you've tried to hold me back. But you're weak. Ypu know it in your soul. You're nothing but a hollow shell." Is so STUPID!! WHY HAS HE BEEN FIGHTING BEING BATMAN!!!!!!!!!! BRUCE SHOULD WANT TO BE BATMAN!!!! AND HATE HAVING TO NOT BE!!!! AND A BAT FLYING INTO HIS WINDOW AGAIN???? STOP THE FUCKING CLICHES IM SICK OF THIS . UR NOT BEING NEXT LEVEL, MOVIE. ITS JUST DUMB. ITS DUMB!!!

-Carrie Kelly

her first ??? Appearance??? Is her going into KNOWN MUTANT GANG TERRITORY instead of going through the rain. And scolding her friend for not having backbone WHEN THEY COULD LITERALLY DIE and saying, and I quote, "its better than out there." then when interviewed about the incident her friend says  "It was a flying monster! With wings and fangs!" and she replies with "Reality check, Michelle, it was definitely a man, but he had to be like 12 feet tall" OH YEAH THATS VERY REALISTIC CARRIE. Shes an asshole to her friend and we're supposed to like her.  Oh and Carrie's reason for wanting to be robin? She saw the bat signal while her parents were talking about public marches. That's it. That's her reason. Not because she was attacked by mutants and almost died.

-Giving the movie credit

Okay but if theres another thing I'll give credit for, and I'm sure its unintentional, is that Harvey is the first criminal he wants to take down. Because Harvey is always going to be Bruce's priority. He didnt go after the mutants, but Two-Face. And the way that confrontation goes when it’s revealed harvey thinks both sides of his face are scarred. the Arkham staff fixed his scars before he was ready for treatment, and his mental health wasn’t priority. he was going to have dysmorphia either way, but not treating mental illness worsened it.  kinda? good writing? But I think it was unintentional to have the idea that Arkham didnt know what they were doing and the belief that scars are important before trauma, and how trauma has to be helped first. I dont believe for an instant that's what's meant. 

-Carrie Kelly part two

She gets a Robin costume and goes out onto the roof and is like.... almost dies. THEN THE NEXT SCENE WE SEE HER SHES LIKE COMPLETELY ACROBATIC? WHY IS SHE SO ACROBATIC NOW!!! THIS TAKES PRACTICE!!!

-Batman confronting the man who supplied the mutant gang with guns

Oh, this scene...He hands a guy a gun, knowing full well that he was depressed because his wife was dying and he had to make more money to save her by supplying the mutants with weapons, and just walks away as he kills himself. (input from a friend which i like:  think about everything bruce did to help mr freeze and his wife now think about this scene )

Batman vs Mutants 

oh, and the "batmobile". Aka his tank. Rubber bullets. Ok fine, whatever, but RUNNING THEM OVER AND SHOOTING MISSCLES ISNT LETHAL? AND HOW IS CARRIE KELLY GOOD AT FIGHTING ALL OF THEM WHEN SHE COULDNT HANDLE HERSELF WITH ONE LIKE A WEEK AGO.  hate that the mutant leader is just a ripoff of bane with long pointed nipples I hate this. I hate that batman cant take him down, but carrie kelly can. AND THE MUTANT LEADRER TOTALLY DIED WHEN BRUCE THREW ADHESIVE ON HIS FACE AND HE WAS SUFFOCATED BUT LATER ON IT SHOWS HE LIVES ??

Bruce talks to Carrie 

"What is this thing?" -carrie "Dick called it the batmobile" -bruce "SIR!!" -alfred over the radio There are no words. Then she pops his arm into place and creates a makeshift cast And he says "where'd you learn to do that?” and because she’s a mary sue she says nothing, because miller doesnt know why she should, so he cuts to "what's your name?" and she says "Carrie. Carrie Kelly. robin" and HE FUCKING GOES "MINES BRUCE." and then immediately tells Alfred hes bringing "robin" to the cave. I hate it here I hate that he forgets what happened to Jason aFTER ITS HIS LITERAL REASON FOR QUITTING. WHAT IS THE POINT IF HE’S GOING TO ACCEPT THIS GIRL HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW AS ROBIN?

-Bruce talks about Jason

OH BRUCE'S FUCKING LINE. HIS LINE. IM FURIOUS Alfred asks "have you forgotten what happened to Jason?" And he says "I'll never forget. he was a good soldier. He honored me" I AM !!!! SHAKING!!!! WITH HOW MAD !!!! I AM!!! Bruce would NOT say that shit. Implying that jason wasnt his son, or that jason was only a casualty in a war, or that HE FUCKING HONORED HIM AND NOT THE CITY, OR THE TITLE OF ROBIN "He honored me" shut the fuck up I hate this and dont even get me started on the misconceptions of Robin in the first place. i dont want to go into the debate on whether or not they’re soldiers, which I personally don’t believe. but its just stupid because Jason considered being Robin the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and he was THE BEST. it wasnt his fault he was killed, either. 

-The ending

So the mutant escapes his cell by going through a VENT. A . V E N T. AND ENDS UP IN THE SEWER. I hate that these mutants are just an army of evil people and have no motivation and the leader is just a brute I fucking hate Bruce calling him "son" And the mutants become the sons of batman who fight crime......??? because their leader is gone?? werent they supposed to be evil criminals with no humanity in them?

-Joker

Okay but Joker being absent the entire first part , only to show up in the end hearing news reports about batman, and then smiling as he stands up and just fucking creepily says "darling" holy shit that gave me goosebumps. another credit i have to give. 

[ajokeformur-ray]

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend. 

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go. 

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo🥺🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~  *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a 

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face 

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E  V  E  R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the  P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe. 

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~ 

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~ 

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

 ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the  s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant  m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~ 

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what” 

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too... 

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~ 

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink... 

“dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER 

ASDFGHJKL

J

O

K

E

R

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~ 

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much. 

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will. 

b l o o d    s m i l e

=

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel. 

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

 t h a t ‘s    l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~ 

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~ 

i   l o v e    y o u

[toomuch-caffeine]

Titles don't matter

AO3 link

Word count: 8726

Summary: First, Happy was dating some mysterious woman. Then his new nephew turned out to be superhero. And now Tony somehow gained a kid.

Rating: Teen

Warnings: kidnapping, gunshot wounds, unnamed bad guy's death

A/N: Reposted from AO3, third fic in a series

---

A big reveal of Spider-Man’s identity and by consequence Happy’s mysterious girlfriend, who was a vigilante’s Aunt, brought a lot of yelling and long conversations in med bay. Said vigilante was a teenager and hid the fact that he fights criminals in his pajamas for more than a year, which made his Aunt mix of angry, guilty and terrified. When the situation calmed down, a couple of days after Peter Parker woke up from the surgery and had a chance to defend his actions, Tony made a proposition to May and Happy. Peter could train in the Tower with the Avengers and also would make a super suit with Tony. A suit that would contain a lot of safety protocols and a way to control young hero’s actions by adults.

That’s how Tony ended up giving a tour of his workshop. He observed the awestruck teenager in front of him. Peter looked around, lips slightly parted and eyes wide open. Tower’s lab was definitely an update from dumpsters and school workshops. It occupied two whole floors, one of them belonged to Tony, one to Bruce. Sleek holotables and expensive materials were enough to make every nerdy teenager’s knees weak. There was still some clutter in the corner, but Tony had cleaned up a bit, to impress Peter more.

“Come on, kid, that’s your workstation.” Tony showed a big, empty oval table, to a lingering in a threshold kid. Peter’s eyes widened even more, something that Tony didn’t think was possible.

“Wow, seriously?”

“Yeah. And those are Dum-E and U.” Tony didn’t even have to motion at the two robots, as both of them were currently surrounding Peter, trying to get to know the newcomer. Kid petted both of them, laughing and they seemed satisfied. He was seriously endearing. Couple of minutes spent with him and Tony could already tell why he wormed his way to Happy’s heart in no time. He was still shy with Tony and other Avengers, but around May and Happy he acted like a rambling ball of sunshine. He was too polite for his own sake and looking at his school records, Tony could tell, he was brilliant and right now he wanted to test that.

“So, introductions are done, time for fun!” Tony clapped his hands. “You can use everything in here-”

“Oh my god, this is like the best day of my life, Ned, you know, my friend, won’t believe me!”

“-but there are gonna be rules,” Tony continued. Mention of the rules brought all of Peter’s attention to him.

“First of all, FRIDAY won’t let you in the lab without me or Bruce present. You can experiment with whatever you want, but you have to run your ideas by me or Bruce or FRIDAY first. If you set something on fire, Dum-E has a fire extinguisher. Don’t eat or drink anything bots give you, they mix food with motor oil.

“Okay, so for the first project, we’ll do your spider suit together and you will learn along the way what FRIDAY can do, where are the tools and so on.” Tony sat down next to Peter, motioned for holograms to appear. “So, let’s get started.”

~~~

Tony never liked having company in the workshop. Other people were loud and nagging him to do stuff like eating or sleeping. But then came Bruce, who was quiet, could keep up with him and stand his moods. And then Peter appeared. The kid that understood arc reactor technology and Bruce’s papers. Even when something posed a problem to him, explaining was a pleasure, not a hindrance. He actually wanted to teach him all that he could and he already made several notes of what to do with the kid after they finished the suit. Peter’s ramblings replaced his workshop playlist and soon Tony knew all about his friends and teachers, his stories from patrols, as well as his favorite dishes and ice cream flavors. So he enjoyed working with Peter. His teammates might have also noticed that.

~~~

“Keep this up young spider and you will beat me in sparring,” Natasha praised him after the training. Peter, red faced from exertion, smiled and thanked. Then, he quickly grabbed a bottle that Steve threw at him from behind. He opened it and took a sip.

“Wow, I’m so hungry right now,” he stated.

“We have a lunch in an hour, think you will survive ‘til then?”

“Uhh, I don’t know, who’s cooking?”

“Well, it doesn’t matter, because there’s your favorite pizza waiting for you in the lab.” Another voice butted in. The owner of this voice appeared a moment after. “Spiderling! Come on, we’re burning sunlight!”

“But Mr. Stark, it’s not even noon and we don’t need sunlight in the lab!”

“Yeah, but Happy picks you up at 5, come on, come on, we have a lot to do.”

“Stark, stop making excuses to hog the kid just for yourself,” Natasha joked.

“Yeah, it’s been a month and he spent that mostly with you in the lab,” Bucky backed her up.

“Well, maybe because he knows who is best. Kiddo, who’s your favorite Avenger?” Tony shot them all a smile and clapped Peter on the shoulder.

“Well, I don’t know, but Bruce Banner is pretty cool? You know the most renowned scientist of his generation, his work on gamma rad-“

“You ungrateful child. I build a multimillion dollar super suit with you and that’s how you repay me?” Tony mocked outrage and started dragging Peter out of the gym. “We’re going. But maybe take a shower first.”

~~~

“Parker, you’re cheating!” Sam shouted when Peter threw at him another blue shell and won the race.

“I’m not cheating!”

“That’s not fair!”

“Rules allow that!”

“Then the rules are wrong!” Sam threw his hands up in the air. “God, I can’t believe that I lost to a teenager.”

Clint, who came the last, said, laying face first on the carpet, “You never win with kids in those things. Seriously, I have three of them, I know it.”

“Kid? Where are you? You said you are going to eat. Did the fridge eat you?” Tony came shouting.

“I’m sorry Mr. Stark, but Mr. Barton and Mr. Wilson invited me to play Mario Kart with them,” Peter answered beaming.

“And how did you do?”

“I won!” Peter gestured at the screen with the results and two defeated men.

“That’s great. Hey, when you come to the lab, I’ll let you mess with Iron Man repulsors.”

“Oh my god, yes!” Peter’s eyes lit up and he hurried after Tony.

“Wow, Tony stole Happy’s kid,” Sam said incredulously, when they both left.

“Do you think he will hide and lock him in his lab forever?” Clint lifted himself from the carpet.

“Dunno. Wanna go another round?”

~~~

So when the summer break ended, Spider-Man’s suit tested and ready to use, the atmosphere in the workshop changed. Kid started spending mornings at school and afternoons alternating between patrols and spending time in the lab. But the amount of time spent together was significantly smaller and emptiness started annoying Tony. It did wonders to his responsibilities to SI and Avengers Initiative as he was less inclined to lock himself up in the workshop.

~~~

“Tony, did something blow up here?” Bruce entered his workshop and stopped in his tracks, shell-shocked and looking around. He hadn’t been in Tony’s workshop for a long time as he worked mostly in his or small med bay’s lab and it was Tony, who would pay friendly visits to other labs (or come to bother Bruce). Currently, on Peter’s workstation were piling papers and textbooks. Every other surface was covered in post-it notes with Spanish vocabulary.

“I’m helping Peter with Spanish.”

“Tony, do you even know Spanish?” Bruce asked with raised eyebrows.

“I do now.”

“So… You are learning Spanish. For Peter,” Bruce stated.

“I’m learning for myself. It’s just a side effect that I can help him.”

“And it has nothing to do with Nat and Bucky teaching him Russian?”

“Nothing.”

“Sure. Now, do you have a UV lamp? Mine had broken down.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s there.”

~~~

“Soo, Mr. Stark, I have a question, you don’t have to say yes, of course…” Kid said, playing with a zipper.

“Just spit it out.”

“Cannedcometotheworkshopplease?” Peter let out a question in one breath with unbelievable speed.

“Say that again, but slower?”

“Can Ned come to the workshop, please? We have a robotics project for school, an-“

“Jesus, of course you can invite your friend over, you don’t need to stress so much.”

“Thank you Mr. Stark!”

And that’s how Tony ended up giving a lab tour to another teenager, this time a chubby, Asian kid, that gave the gaping fish impression at the first sight of the workshop.

“So, kiddos, what do you need to do for your little project?”

The project ended up with a very angry May Parker yelling at him.

“Stark! Why the fuck school called me to tell me that Peter’s last project was to dangerous to show in class?” Her lips were pressed into a thin line and she crossed her arms.

“Wha- It wasn’t anything that would blow up?” Tony said hesitantly as he didn’t exactly remember what he came up with.

“There were lasers, Tony.”

“Not very dangerous, if you ask me, just for a show.” He was sure that he didn’t let kids put anything that would destroy school in their project.

“Lasers that apparently cut a school desk and a whiteboard in half.” Or maybe he did. “He was given a 3 day suspension for bringing dangerous objects to school!”

“Oh, wow, I mean, that’s bad…” Tony was literally unable to act guilty, because that meant Peter would be out of school, and that meant…

“He’s not going to spend that time with you.” May Parker’s sharp voice cut off his train of thoughts.

“Oh…”

He spent those three days redecorating and personalizing the guest room, where Peter had stayed a couple of times. His actions brought some half-hidden smiles from his teammates and Pepper, but he shrugged it off.

~~~

“Pepper, why did you take my intern?”

“I didn’t take anyone, Tony.” Pepper leveled him with a stare. “Peter came to me, asking for help with English essay for school.”

“Why didn’t he ask me?”

“Because you said that English classes are useless and he should ditch them.”

“What? No! I didn’t! Why would I?” Tony sputtered.

“FRIDAY, pull up the footage, please,” Pepper said with an exhale.

“Okay, FRIDAY, don’t, I did, but I shouldn’t. Kid, don’t ditch school, your education is important.”

“Well, I can always become a full time Avenger.”

“Wha- no! No, you can’t, I forbid, you are going to finish high school, then go to MIT and then work in SI, and you are not going to be a full time Avenger. Over my dead body!” Tony’s speech made both Pepper and Peter laugh.

“I was just joking.” Peter scrunched his eyebrows as some thought just came to him. “Have you already planned my life for me?”

“No?”

“Oookay,” he replied, dragging the o. “Anyway, I just thought, that Pepper has more experience in humanities that you,” said Peter

“So when you are done with English, head down to the lab, because I have some upgrade ideas to discuss with you.”

Tony shot a glare at Pepper and she glared back. Tony decided to do a tactical retreat and leave the room.

~~~

“Tony, wait!” Happy called after him. “Look, I just wanted to talk about Peter.” That grabbed Tony’s attention.

“Is he okay? I didn’t get any-“

“No, no, he’s fine, I just wanted to talk about him. And you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I talked with May and she noticed that as well and he spends a lot of time with you.”

“If you want me to stop h-“

“I don’t want you to stop, there’s just a building full of people who also want to spend time with him.” Happy’s words were rushed and he seemed out of breath.

“So what do you want me to do, throw him out of the workshop?”

“Tony, just don’t go around complaining that he’s currently doing something with someone else.” Happy made a placating gesture and continued, “Look, I know you love him, I do too , but you can’t monopolize all his time.”

Tony opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He thought about his interactions with Peter for the past couple of months. Yeah, he liked the kid, liked teaching and helping him, a lot of his Spider-Man’s adventures had raised his heart rate and had given him a few gray hairs, but love? Nope, he didn’t need it and the kid didn’t need it.

He finally found his voice, “I don’t l-“

“God, you are an emotionally stunted idiot.” Happy shook his head. “Everyone sees that. Talk with Pepper.”

“Oh-okay,” Tony replied in confusion.

~~~

Pepper and Tony were laying in bed, the former reading a book, the latter looking at some blueprints.

“Happy said that I love Peter,” Tony dropped suddenly. The woman closed a book and turned on her side to look at him.

“And you don’t agree with that,” she stated.

“Well, it’s not like I don’t agree with it, but…”

“Tony, you literally started learning a new language to help him. And you also do your paperwork, while he does his homework, because you want to set a good example. You also started sleeping and eating regularly, for the same reason.”

“I just want to be a good example.”

“I also know something else.”

“Hmm?”

“Your will.”

“Oh.” Tony had, in fact, updated his will a month before and made Peter his sole heir. Peter wasn’t aware of this fact as Tony waited for him to be eighteen. May, as a legal guardian, and Happy, by extension, were the only ones informed about it. “But you know, he’s clever.”

“Would you do that to every clever kid?”

“…no.” Pepper smiled and picked up her book. Tony stared at the ceiling, thinking. After a minute he said, “He also said that I spend too much time with him.”

“Happy said that?”

“Uh-huh…”

“Tony… He just means that you are fairly annoying, when Peter spends time with the team and you come dragging him to the workshop.”

“I don’t drag him anywhere.”

“You know what I mean,” Pepper responded disapprovingly.

“Okay, okay, I know.”

After the beat of silence Tony spoke again, “You know, we could make our own kids.”

“You already have one.”

“He’s Happy’s and May’s, I just borrowed him.”

“And after we make our own, you are going to give him back?”

“Ehh, no, he grew on me.” Tony blinked, realizing something. “Wait you said after? Does that mean-“

“Good night, Tony.” Pepper turned off the lights.

“But you don’t dismiss the idea…”

“Good night.”

~~~

He did make it weird. They were five minutes into their usual lab time and Tony couldn’t stop staring at the kid and recalling conversations with Happy and Pepper. Peter , currently unaware of the turmoil inside Tony , was sitting at his workstation, chewing on a pencil and focusing on calculus homework. Tony sitting with his own pile of papers moved his eyes to the sheet of paper before him. ‘ Article 5c…' What the fuck am I reading? He looked on the desk, where read pieces of paper were laying. Apparently it was a contract. He didn’t recall its content at all. He looked at Peter again. Still chewing on a pencil.

“Hey, don’t chew on that!”

“What?”

“You’ll destroy your teeth by chewing on pencils.”

Peter scrunched his eyebrows.

“Seriously?” He looked at the pencil and at Tony. “Why are you so weird today?”

“I’m not weird.”

“You are looking at me.”

“Maybe I like watching you.” As soon as those words left his mouth, Tony winced internally at them. Great, now he is a creepy, rich guy, who likes watching teenagers. “Or maybe not.” Peter’s eyebrows raised in question. “But I still like you.”

“You are being really weird,” Peter said, unsure of what he should do.

“Do you like being here?”

“Sure, why wouldn’t I?”

“You are not feeling obligated to do so? You wouldn’t prefer to spend time with Steve right now?”

“I don’t understand…”

“It’s a simple question, Pete.”

“Yeah, but I don’t understand why you are asking me that.”

“Just answer it, kid.”

“No , I don’t feel obligated to spend time here. I wouldn’t prefer to spend time with Steve right now” Peter replied, confusion and nervousness clearly visible, with how he started playing with the pencil.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s good, good talk, go back to your homework.” Peter looked at him quizzically for a moment, then he shrugged and went back to calculus. Tony started going through the contract. Except after five lines he lost his focus again and started thinking about Peter again. Emotions were always confusing for him and it didn’t help that everything about a situation was complicated. He couldn’t exactly Google ‘my bodyguard is dating a woman with a kid and I think I kind of love that kid, but I’m not sure what to do.’ Happy and Pepper both said that it’s okay and their only complaint was he tries to keep Peter to himself too much. And he was willing to admit that they were in fact right. But that was followed by the doubts if Peter actually wants to spend time in the workshop or if he just a pressured poor kid, who didn’t feel like he could refuse. Even if he wanted to spend time with him, where would he draw the line ? He had May and Happy as, well, parental figures. So what did it make Tony?

“Why are you staring at me again, Tony ? ” Peter’s voice startled him. He didn’t even notice when he moved his gaze from paperwork before him to kid again.

“I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are.”

Tony moved his eyes to the ceiling and sighted.

“Okay, I am. But I want to talk to you about something and I don’t know how.” Talking about feelings. Apparently a mature thing to do.

“Oh. Did I do something wrong? Because-“

“No, no, no, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Tony quickly denied. “Wait. Why did you think that you did something wrong? Did you?” He stared intensely at Peter.

“No, I just, you know…”

“Okay, never mind, we’ll talk about this later.” Tony took a big breath and started, “I talked with Happy. And Pepper. They both thi-“ A ping from his phone interrupted him, he looked at it and swore. “Okay, looks like we need to postpone our conversation.”

“What’s going on? Is that a mission? Should I-“

“Not a mission, stay there and do your homework, I’m going to be back soon or I’ll send Pepper.” Tony quickly left the workshop and once he was out of hearing range, he said, “FRIDAY, what’s going on?”

“There was a shooting at Central Park. Happy Hogan and May Parker were involved.”

“Are they okay?”

“911 reports say that Mr. Hogan was injured.”

“Send location to the suit, I’m going there. Divert the ambulance with Happy to the Tower, inform Cho and Pepper of the situation.”

“What should I tell Mr. Parker?”

“Don’t tell him anything yet.”

May and Happy had a date tonight, they should’ve been safe. But something happened and Tony had to do damage control quickly.

~~~

There was already the police and an ambulance departing the scene. Tony couldn’t see neither Happy nor May anywhere. He hoped that they were both in the ambulance that he saw leaving. He landed and immediately saw the crowd turn to him. He didn’t have time for fans and questions, ignoring them, he confidently strode towards NYPD officers, the crowd parting like the Red Sea.

“What’s going on, where’s May Parker and Happy Hogan?”

“Excuse me Mr. Stark, but you have to stand behind that tape.” one of the officers pointed with a finger.

“Mr. Hogan is my employee and has close ties to the Avengers and as such, that case falls under our jurisdiction,” he quickly replied, leveling the cop with a stare. It was a young looking man in uniform. His eyes widened and he opened his mouth in shock.

“Okay, I know that you are here to just keep the crowd away. Just bring me to someone, who is in charge here,” Tony quickly added more calmly. This worked, because he quickly found himself in the company of Detective Morrison and Detective Slater. Both of them were tall, unimpressed looking men.

“I understand Mr. Stark that you are nervous, but we are currently questioning the witnesses.” Morrison crossed his arms over the chest. Tony looked at his phone. Steve was trying to get that case handed over to them, but there’s only so much that can be done in five minutes and without any proof that it was an Avengers-level threat. Happy was admitted in the Tower’s med bay, unconscious and with a bullet hole. May Parker wasn’t with him and Tony was currently trying to locate her.

“You don’t understand. I just need to talk to a woman. May Parker. This high, brown hair, wears glasses. She was with Happy Hogan and probably will know what happened here.”

“I’m sorry, but there was no woman matching your description among people on scene when we arrived.” Finally Tony got confirmation of what he suspected all along and could act on that. He unblocked his phone and chose the number.

“Rogers, shooting in Central Park, May Parker wasn’t on scene when authorities had arrived, she’s possibly missing.” Then he turned to the Detectives, “We’ll need the witness statements that you’ve gathered.” He handed them a business card.

~~~

Back at the Tower Tony immediately rushed to the workshop. Peter was still there, having finished homework, he was preparing a web fluid.

“Hey, kid,” Tony started. Peter jumped in surprise and spilled the chemicals. He moved to clean it, but Tony stopped him

“Leave this. We need to talk.”

“Uhh, yeah, you'd said that before you left.”

“About something else, actually.” He placed his hands on the kid's shoulders and pushed him gently in the direction of a lab stool. “Sit down.” Peter complied and turned his attention to him.

“I left, because FRIDAY informed me of… shooting in Central Park. Happy and May were involved in it. Happy is currently in surgery and we don’t know where May is.” Tony decided to be short. As he watched Peter’s expression morph from neutral to disbelief and then pure shock and fear, he thought that maybe being more gentle and less direct was a better idea.

“What? No! That’s not… Please…” Peter’s breath quickened and started coming in short pants. He swayed on the unstable lab stool. Tony caught him by his shoulders.

“You need to breathe, kid or you’re gonna pass out.”

Fortunately Peter was able to get his breathing under control on his own and didn’t work himself into a full-blown panic attack. After a short silence filled only with the sound of his inhales and exhales, he feebly said, “I want to help.”

“Absolutely not,” Tony answered sternly and moved back.

“It’s May!”

“That is exactly why you won’t be doing anything!”

“You don’t understand!”

“Yes, I do! You won’t be able to keep your cool and you will be a liability not help! We can’t afford that!”

“Well, you can’t stop me!”

“Oh, yes I can. FRIDAY, Peter is not allowed to leave the Tower or access any files on the case.” Tony gave his orders to AI and looked at Peter. The teenager was fuming.

“You have no right!”

“If you think I’m the bad guy here, you can talk to Steve, he’s going to tell you the same thing.”

“I hate you!” Peter pushed him and stormed out of the workshop.

“FRIDAY, tell him that he should go to med bay to keep Happy company,” Tony barked out and then sighted, sat down by the desk and put his head in his arms. Somehow he managed to destroy everything in two minutes. Well, at least he knew where he stood. He rubbed his face and got up. Team was waiting for him in one of the conference rooms.

~~~

Avengers got permission to handle the case with the NYPD. So along with the team, there were two disgruntled detectives that Tony had met before. Steve led the meeting. After an hour of talking that had led them exactly to nothing he summed up, “For now, we have first responders and witnesses reports, none of them actually saw what happened, most of them heard the gunshot and saw only the result. Nobody recalls seeing May. FRI (DAY?) is running facial recognition, but to no avail. She’s also reviewing all of the footage from the nearest cameras to the scene and flagging anything unusual.”

At that moment Bruce entered the room.

“I have an update on Happy,” he started. ”GSW to the stomach, although nothing vital was hit. Cho’s using her regeneration cradle, so he should be able to tell us what happened when the anesthesia wears off.”

The team nodded at that.

“How’s Peter, Tony?” Natasha turned to him.

“He said that he hates me, because I didn’t let him help us,” Tony said dryly.

“He doesn’t really hate you, Tony,” Clint reassured him. “He’s just frightened that he’s going to lose the closest thing he has to a mother.”

“You need to talk to him,” Natasha stated.

“Yeah, I need to check on him anyway. FRI, where is he?”

“I am unable to determine Mr. Parker’s location.” Blood in Tony’s veins froze in an instant. The whole room went quiet, you could hear the pin drop.

“What… What do you mean?”

“Mr. Parker left the Tower approximately 30 minutes ago.”

“What?! I told you not to let him out! Track him!”

“The protocol has been overridden. Current protocol prohibits me from tracking him.”

“How?”

“I believe that the current protocol was created by Ned Leeds.”

“Fuck.” Wow, letting the kid’s friend in the lab bit him in the ass for the second time.

“Tony, what’s going on? Who’s-“

“Peter and his friend hacked FRIDAY to sneak out and they added coding that makes it impossible to track him. I’m going to fix that.”

It was a long night. Tony spent hours fixing FRIDAY’s programming. At the end he was seriously considering whether it’s better to kill or hire Ned. Unfortunately after removal of the offending code it was too late to find Peter. He disappeared into thin air. His spider suit and phone were left at the Tower. He had changed his clothes in a back alley nearby and he wasn’t caught by any cameras, so they didn’t have anything to go on. At 4 AM it started sounding a bit surreal. Man gets shot and a woman goes missing in a public place in broad daylight. Teenager runs away and doesn't leave any trace. Everything in the span of two hours. Now they were just waiting for something. Clint and Sam played cards quietly. Steve and Natasha were going through everything they’ve managed to gather for an umpteenth time. Bruce went back to med bay to help Cho. Bucky just fell asleep on the table. The two detectives had left. Tony just stared at the screen no longer understanding what he was seeing, his mind exploring horrifying scenario number 78, where they find two mutilated bodies in a river and Happy dies because Cho missed something.

“Mr. Parker was registered by a street camera near the Tower, five minutes ago.” FRIDAY’S voice cut the silence. “He seems to be heading here.”

“What? Where’s he now?” Tony jumped to his feet.

“Mr. Parker just entered the Tower,” FRIDAY announced. “He’s going to the penthouse level.”

~~~

Tony for the past few hours imagined the lecture that he was going to give Peter when he saw him again. Something that would make the kid regret the day he was born. But when he saw him standing by the elevator, all of the anger had left him and immense relief washed over him. Peter was pale and shaking like leaf, but according to FRIDAY was unharmed

“Thank god!” That was all Tony said before pulling him into a hug. Peter, stiff at first, melted into him and started crying. His legs gave out and they both crumbled to the floor.

“I don’t hate you, I don’t hate you, I don’t-“

“Sh, sh, I know, it’s okay, I know, kiddo, I know,” Tony instinctively shushed him and started rocking them back and forth. He looked up and saw Pepper in pajamas, who was woken up and drawn there by the noise and he shook his head a little. She quickly understood and left for their bedroom.

Tony didn’t know how long they sat there but his legs went numb. Eventually Peter calmed down and said, “I thought you would chew me out for running.”

“I thought too. I’m still going to, after you get some sleep.”

“Hmm…”

They sat like that in silence for some more time. Finally Tony moved and helped Peter up.

“Come on, you still need to sleep.”

~~~

Peter looked better after the shower. Not so pale. Tony pushed him into bed, turned off the light and was about to leave, when the small voice called, “Can you stay?” Tony turned towards the owner of this voice. In the darkness he could only distinguish the lump on the bed and curls peeking out from beneath the covers. He moved closer and sat on bed next to Peter, leaning against the headboard.

“Only until you fall asleep,” he said softly. He didn’t exactly know what he’s doing, comforting someone was completely uncharted territory for him. He remembered something that Jarvis used to do for him, when he was little. He put his hand on Peter's head and started running fingers through the soft curls. Peter sighted and leaned closer.

“I’m sorry for running away,” he mumbled.

“You should be.”

“I just wanted to do something…”

“And what did you do?”

“I just wandered around. I didn’t have any plan and I realized that I won’t help. I was scared that you would be mad, so I didn’t come back immediately.”

“I was mad, I still am, but I was mostly afraid, kid. You can’t do things like that.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

Peter finally closed his eyes and relaxed a little. Tony thought that he was asleep.

“Do you think you’re gonna find May?” Peter asked quietly, startling Tony, who looked down and saw wide eyes staring at him. ‘ He’s just frightened’, he remembered Clint’s words.

“I don’t know. I hope so.” Peter closed his eyes again and pressed his cheek against Tony’s thigh. Tony kept playing with his hair until his breaths evened out and face and shoulders relaxed completely. He stayed like that for a moment before standing up. He stopped in the doorway, looked at sleeping form and whispered, “Sleep tight, kiddo.”

After that Tony went to the kitchen, where Pepper waited for him.

“How is he?”

“Physically? Good. Mentally? As well as he could be in that situation.” He moved towards a coffee machine.

“I handled CPS. He can stay here, for now.”

“That’s good, good.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Coffee. And then go to the team and see if there’s some progress. Find May eventually. You?”

“I’m going to make sure that nothing burns in the process.” she smiled at him softly.

“FRIDAY will let me know when he wakes up, but can you keep an eye on him?” he looked at her.

“I’ve already cleared my schedule.”

“What would I do without you?”

~~~

When he entered the conference room everyone was a bit agitated.

“What happened?”

“A witness came forward, she saw a van and some men in ski masks near the scene,” Natasha started explaining. “One of the traffic cameras caught a vehicle matching the description. We have a license plate.”

It turned out that their excitement was short-lived. Sam and Bucky found the van in an alley a couple blocks away. Police forensics examined it. They would have to wait for the full results, but for now it seemed that it was cleaned. The only noteworthy thing they discovered were traces of blood, presumably May’s. All of the nearby cameras recorded many other cars at the interesting period of time and it was impossible to tell which one belonged to kidnappers. The owner was a kind old man, named Stan, who reported the van's theft a week before. The investigation on that also hit a dead end. They were in process of reviewing the material gathered by the police and made FRIDAY find footage from the night of the van’s theft, but it didn’t seem to go anywhere. They also found May’s phone, or rather what was left of it. They were working on two theories, first one that someone noticed that she spends lots of time with Happy and kidnapped her for information, second one that she was kidnapped for a ransom. They had thought that maybe Happy would say something groundbreaking, but his story didn’t tell them anything that they already knew or suspected.

“There were three men in ski masks and non-descript clothes, with guns. They tried to grab us, one of them shot me. I think they got scared and took only May. I don’t remember much more.”

That left them to wait and look into the enemies' of Avengers, SI and Spider-Man recent activity. Honestly with the amount of material they had, they should have made some progress.

24 hours have passed and they managed to hit a dead end. No one saw anything, no camera registered anything. Tony looked at the clock in the conference room accusingly. First 48 hours were the time when most of the missing people were found. After that chances started to diminish. They’d already used half of that time. Tony should probably go find and comfort Peter instead of sitting and not doing anything, but he couldn’t make himself leave the room in case something happened. Besides, finding May would be probably the most comforting thing they could do.

His train of thoughts was interrupted by an email notification. He looked at the new message and felt his heart drop immediately.

“Fuck! Guys?”

~~~

Everyone in the conference room sat in silence as the video was playing. This time apart from two detectives, there were ransom specialists joining the team. Video featured the kidnappers beating up May and making demands. It looked really bad, with two men punching and kicking her without even looking where. She already had some bruises and what looked like a broken nose. Hits were leaving red marks that would soon turn into bruises. What raised the biggest concern was that May barely reacted. She probably already had a concussion or was drugged.

“Mr. Hogan, we have your girlfriend. In exchange for her, we want 5 million dollars. We are sure that you can get that amount easily from your boss. We give you 48 hours, or we will have fun with her.”

Tony immediately took his phone to organize the demanded amount of money in cash.

“Tony, what are you doing?” Steve asked him.

“Getting them what they want, what do you think I’m doing?”

“I think we should make a plan first,” Bucky joined calmly.

“What plan? They said, what they want, we give them that, we get May back!”

“Excuse me sir, but you shouldn’t do that,” one of the K&R specialists interrupted. “This video doesn’t count as proof of life, so we don’t know if that woman is still alive. A phone call would be preferable. Also, in ransom negotiations the first offer generally should be declined.”

“Am I the only person in this room that actually watched this video? You didn’t hear what they wanted to do? Didn’t see what they were doing?”

“It is not in the kidnappers interest to kill her quickly if they want ransom. They just want to show the power they have over you.”

“Besides, the more we communicate with them, the more we have to track them,” Natasha added. “Also you shouldn’t negotiate. When they get to talk with the billionaire Tony Stark, they are immediately going to raise their demands.”

“It’s also going to be a press nightmare if the media get a sniff on this.”

“Fine!” Tony threw his arms over the head. “Do whatever you want.” He left the room slamming the door.

~~~

Tony went to med bay to inform Happy about the recent development. Peter and Pepper also were there. They sat on plastic chairs, Pepper hugging Peter. Happy laid in bed. He woke up, when Tony entered the room. Tony sat down heavily on the chair in the corner.

“Anything has changed?” Pepper asked. Tony sighted and gave them an extremely watered down description of the video content.

“Those specialists tell me that paying immediately is a mistake and the team says that I shouldn’t get involved.”

“They’re specialists for a reason,” Pepper reasoned.

“I want to see that video,” Happy said.

“Trust me on this, you don’t want to.”

“Tony…”

“You focus on getting better, Hap,” Tony cut him off and turned to Peter. “Have you eaten?”

“Yeah.”

“A sandwich a couple of hours ago,” supplied Pepper.

“You have to eat more with your metabolism, kiddo,” Tony said seriously. “Come on. We’re going to the kitchen and then there’s bedtime for Spider-babies.”

“I’m neither hungry nor tired.”

“Yeah, I’m not explaining to your Aunt, why are you starved and sleep deprived.”

“If you will have someone to explain to,” Peter mumbled under a breath.

“Yeah, you're not talking like that. We’ll get her back and you are going to eat.” Tony put his arms under Peter’s armpits and pulled him up. “If you don’t cooperate, I’ll use a suit to drag you to the kitchen.”

~~~

Tony managed to coax Peter into the kitchen, without dragging and made him blueberry pancakes. (“Pancakes? But that’s breakfast food.” “Yeah, and you are going to eat them at 10 PM.”) They repeated the routine from yesterday. It also calmed down Tony and he started accepting that specialists and the team might be right. He came back to the conference room, where everyone was except for Clint and Natasha.

“FRIDAY tracked the kidnappers, they didn’t cover their tracks well.” Steve’s voice greeted him. “Clint and Nat are doing reconnaissance right now.”

Clint’s and Nat’s intel helped them develop a plan. There were four kidnappers, holding May in a suburban house. They were armed, but definitely weren’t professionals. This didn’t work in the team’s favor, because their lack of experience made them unpredictable. With the hostage present they really couldn’t afford a fight, even though they outnumbered the opponents. So they formed a plan, when they would try to take the criminals one by one.

It was just an ordinary house at the outskirts. The whole neighborhood was peaceful and unaware of horrors currently happening in one of the houses. Well maintained, clean area, small streets and wide sidewalks, a playground nearby. With a shining sun and birds singing cheerfully it looked like a suburban dream. It was really weird, that nobody had heard anything, but on the other hand it was the kind of neighborhood where the residents would leave their homes in the morning for work and come back in the evening.

“It just really creeps me out, this place,” Tony started wondering. “It looks perfect and beautiful, but no one has any idea what neighbors are doing.”

“Do you know what our neighbors are doing, Tony?”

“I have FRIDAY monitoring for any suspicious activity in the nearby buildings.”

“You're a stalker.”

Tony chuckled as he watched people getting to their cars and leaving. They had been observing the house since wee hours of morning waiting for the best moments to strike. Right now any action was out of the question. There were too many people on the street and any Avengers action would attract a lot of gawkers.

“One of the kidnappers went out for a smoke, he’s at the back. I think we could take him out without attracting any attention.” Natasha’s voice carried through the comms.

“Do not engage. Neighbors haven’t already left, we can’t risk being seen,” Steve ordered. “Tony, how’s the front of the house looking?”

“The guy with a nose from the house on the left is having a polite conversation with the fat guy from the house in front,” Tony relayed what he could see from his car.

“Guy with a nose?”

“It’s seriously big, trust me.”

“Seriously, you would think that people at 7:30 in the morning would hurry to work and not engage in conversations with neighbors,” Clint complained. Three yelling children came out from one of the houses.

“Oh and now the guy with a nose is packing his children to the car and the fat guy looks like he’s about to go,” Tony updated and relaxed into a seat. He took a sip of a coffee and choked, when someone suddenly knocked on his window.

“Yeah?” He asked, rolling down the window.

“You can’t park your car here!” a middle aged blonde woman started yelling at him. Peter called those ‘Karens’ as he recalled.

“It’s not a no-parking zone,” he replied.

“You cast a shadow on my flowers.” Tony looked at the sad excuses for plants and immediately thought that they need water more than sunlight. Before he could share his idea, comms cracked and he heard Steve saying, “Tony, do not argue with her, we can’t afford her to recognize you. Just drive around the block, maybe she’ll leave.”

Crazy plant lady didn’t leave and Tony was forced to find another observation spot.

Finally, the neighborhood emptied and quietened.

“That guy is smoking in the back again.”

“Okay, the neighbors have left, you can take him out now.”

Tony looked at the stream from the camera Clint had on himself. Natasha and Bucky moved in complete silence. She stepped behind the kidnapper, and with surgical precision pressed a spot on his neck. Bucky immediately caught the man, before he could fall and make a noise. They dragged him into bushes and hid there.

“One out, three to go.”

“Okay, now we wait.”

Couple of minutes later another criminal appeared.

“Clint, go.”

An arrow soundlessly flew through the air and hit him in the shoulder. Bucky appeared and again caught and dragged the guy into bushes, where Natasha was keeping an eye on the first one.

“He’s out. Two more to go.”

“Attention guys, the remaining two kidnappers moved from the basement to the kitchen.”

“Uh-uh, people on the street,” Tony warned. “Someone with a kid, I think. I can’t see clearly.”

Two NYPD officers in civilian clothes appeared and herded the newcomers to where they came from.

“Okay, all clear now.”

“Good. Nat and Bucky, you are guarding the back door and kitchen window, Tony and me from the front. Clint stays watching those two taken out guys, Sam, survey the area from the air. Bruce, move the ambulance here.”

Tony got out of the car and went to the front door, where he met Steve. He activated the nano gauntlet and leaned on the door. Steve looked around while the lasers from the gauntlet were destroying the lock.

“Okay, the door is unlocked, we’re going in.”

“Copy that.” i

Tony pushed the door and let Steve in first. He activated his whole suit and immediately followed the man. They were in a hallway that opened at the end to the living room, connected to the kitchen. On the right there were the stairs. They moved quietly toward s the living room. Tony gestured to Steve that he wants to enter first and stun both remaining criminals with his gauntlets. Steve nodded. Tony smoothly went to the room and fired at the unsuspecting kidnappers. He hit one of them, standing by the counter, but instead of the other he hit the cupboard full of tableware. The cupboard like in slow motion fell on a criminal, emitting an ear-splitting noise of breaking glass. Cracking and clanking reverberated through the room for what I seemed like an eternity. It made both men stop and just watch in shock what was happening. Steve regained his bearings quicker and ran towards the man buried under the glass and porcelain.

“He’s dead.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, his brain is on the floor.”

Tony didn’t wait for more. He retracted the suit and ran towards the basement.

“May, May?! Oh, shit…”

May was slumped in the chair, which she was tied to. Her face was covered in dried blood and bruises.

“Hey, May, wake up,” Tony said while looking for a pulse. He jabbed his fingers to her neck and prayed quietly. Fortunately, he felt slow beats.

“Get a medic here ASAP, she has a pulse, but it looks really bad!” he shouted at the comms. “Hey, wake up, Peter’s waiting for you.”

This seemed to do the trick.

“Pet’r?” she slurred.

“Yeah, he really misses you. And Happy’s okay.”

“Mmm…”

After that everything went rapidly . Suddenly the place was swarmed by medics and NYPD officers. Tony was pushed back as they put a collar around May’s neck and an oxygen mask on her face. She was placed on a stretcher and pushed into an ambulance that left soon.

“Jesus.” Tony slumped against a car and slid down, so he was sitting on asphalt. After the stress of the past few days left him, he felt exhausted. “I need a coffee.”

“You need a sleep.” Steve materialized from nowhere.

“Everyone needs that. I need to talk to Peter, Happy and Cho.”

“ The NYPD wants us to stay here. But… Maybe nobody will notice your absence.”

“Steve Rogers, goody two shoes, encouraging me not to cooperate with law enforcement? How can I refuse?”

“Drive safe, Tony.”

“I will.”

Tony got into a car and started the engine. He drank the rest of the now cold coffee and started driving in direction of the Tower. There were still a lot of things to do.

~~~

Couple of days later Happy was allowed to leave med bay on condition that he will have plenty of rest. May was cleared by Cho the day before that as the biggest issue was concussion. Steve and Bucky were preparing a big dinner since everyone finally could participate and even Rhodey managed to leave DC and was joining them. They were very secretive about the chosen dishes and had forbidden everyone from even getting near the kitchen.  Tony honestly just hoped that they wouldn’t set the building on fire. He holed up in the workshop.

The elevator ding announced somebody’s arrival. Tony turned and saw Peter lingering on a doorstep.

“Hey, what are you doing there? Come here.”

Peter looked at the floor, shuffled towards the workbench and stood there awkwardly. Tony got up and approached him.

“Did you forget that you usually sit here?”

Peter sat down and started playing with the hem of his shirt.

“Okay, what’s going on?”

“Before… Before all this, you said that you need to talk to me.”

Honestly Tony hoped that Peter forgot his attempt at the serious conversation.

“You were weird that day and then, you know what happened, and you were nice, but not there, and then again weird.”

Tony cleared his throat and said slowly, “I’m sorry that you felt that way. I spent most of the time with the team, because I thought that finding May was what you needed the most.”

“I mean, it was. I just felt lonely. Happy was on strong pain meds and Pepper is nice, but…”

“Yeah, I get it, I’m really sorry. And for being weird. Happy told me that I spend a lot of time with you and butt in your time with others and I started questioning how you are feeling about this.”

Peter suddenly moved and wrapped his arms around Tony and with a muffled voice said, “I don’t mind, seriously.”

“I know now.” After a moment he added, “You know, I just don’t want to replace anyone.”

“You’re not. You are just Tony, not Happy, or May, or...”

“Just Tony, huh?” Wow, where did the hero worship go?

“Titles don't matter, only that you care.”

I care so much , he wanted to say. I want you to be safe, I want to see you grow and learn. Instead he just said, “I do.” Peter didn’t respond. Tony broke the silence, “You know I’m not good at emotions. Happy called me an emotionally stunted idiot.”

“I know.”

“You little shit. You were supposed to say, ‘You handled this very well, you are great!'” Tony broke a hug and ruffled his hair. Peter beamed at him

“Miss Potts asks if Peter got lost in the workshop and if she has to come and get you to the dinner,” FRIDAY interrupted them.

“Wait, you were supposed to tell me the dinner is ready?”

“Maybe.” Peter smiled sheepishly.

“You really are a little shit. Come on. I’m starving.”

When they got to the kitchen everyone was waiting for them. Pepper, with crossed arms, scolded Tony, “What did you do in that workshop of yours? Everyone was waiting for you and it’s extremely disrespectful to Steve and Bucky!”

“I’m really sorry, Pep, but we needed to have a conversation. And someone-” he looked sternly at Peter- “didn’t tell me that dinner was ready.”

“I’m sorry, really, it just happened,” Peter frantically started explaining himself. Something in Pepper’s face softened.

“I guess it’s fine, you two really needed it, but next time maybe find a better moment, okay?”

“Okay, okay!”

They finally sat down at the table. Steve and Bucky really put a lot of effort into the meal. The main course was salmon with asparagus. They also prepared garlic bread and a salad as side dishes. They even chose the right wine for a fish, but Tony suspected Natasha’s or Pepper’s help here. Conversation flew freely and they made their way to the dessert, in an amiable atmosphere. Pepper started conversing with May, which brought his attention.

“You know, maybe you could move to the Tower.”

“I don’t know really…”

“Peter and Happy spend most of their time here anyway and you too were here a lot, even before.”

“Plus, you know, Happy already has an assigned private floor, so it’s mostly a question of packing and moving stuff from your apartment,” Tony joined them. “And you would have the help of superhumans and Pepper Potts to plan everything.”

“Oh, the last thing makes the best argument. How’s wedding planning going anyway?”

“Well, it would go better if Tony listened to me. We have a cake tasting scheduled next week.”

“You know, we could just take Peter, feed him cakes and ask him which one he likes best. It would be faster. I swear his stomach has no bottom.”

“What?” Peter turned towards them at the sound of his name.

“Only if you are dealing with his sugar high, Tony,” May chuckled

“Hey, guys, I can hear you!”

Before they could continue they heard Steve clearing his throat. He got up and looked like he was about to give a speech.

“Last week was very hard for all of us,” he started. “We are very pleased that everyone important is able to be here. Me and Bucky have some important news to share and we are glad that you are the first to hear that. Without further ado, we decided to get married.”

Cheers and questions erupted immediately. Everyone congratulated and the toasts started.

Tony looked at the large table. Maybe titles didn’t matter. But the only thing that he could think was that after all these years, they became a family somewhere along the way. Big, loud and unconventional, a patchwork family, that wouldn’t make sense to a stranger. There were still a lot of issues that needed to be solved in the long run, but at that moment they were the happiest people on Earth.

[ladyshandioftheendless]

Shandi’s Writer’s Month Prompts!

Day 1: Tattoo Artist/Flower Shop AU 

First prompt of two! Requested by @ashestoashesvvi <3

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Why don’t you go over there?” 

“Huh?” Bruce nearly tripped over some bags of potting soil, and Eric tried hard to keep himself from laughing. Ultimately he failed. “You were staring again~”

“I was not.” 

“Do you normally trip over huge things that are right in front of your face~?” 

Bruce’s face turned completely red. “Not..normally, no.” Eric shook his head. “You obviously wanna go over there. So why don’t you?” 

“Because that’s not my kind of place.” 

“Tattoo parlors aren’t evil incarnate, Bruce. Besides..you know you wanna talk to the guy who runs the place. You think he’s hot~”

“W-what?! I never said that!!”

“But you’re thinking it~ I’ve seen him a few times and he’s real pretty. Just your type, huh~?” 

“We are not having this conversation.” With a huff, Bruce stomped off into the back of the store. “Mind the register!” Eric just waved him off. “Yeah yeah..if I’m lucky I might get three customers today instead of two. Happy day..”

Nobody really bought flowers anymore. He had no idea how they were staying in business sometimes..

While Eric was closing up the shop for the evening he heard a car starting from across the street. Or..at least trying to. When the engine didn’t turn over it was tried a second time. And then a third time. A fourth. Nothing. The driver got out and slammed the door in frustration. It was the owner of the tattoo parlor. “Are you really going to do this to me now, you piece of shit?! I’ve got a party to go to!!” His heel made an ear piercing sound as he slammed it against the pavement, making Eric wince. Still, he felt terrible. It’s never a fun time when your car won’t start. He knew from personal experience. Then he remembered who helped him out of that particular trouble..and he smirked. He had an idea~

Once he was done locking up the gate he slowly made his way across the street. “Um..excuse me..if you’re having trouble with your car, I think my friend can help you.” He’d never gotten a really close look at the owner of StarChild Tattoo before. He only said that he had to tease Bruce. Now that he actually had..holy shit. The guy was gorgeous! Now wonder Bruce was always so tongue tied when he saw him. This was going to be fun~ “I’d sure appreciate it. I’m in a bit of a hurry. I still need to get ready for my party.” Eric shuddered a bit. The guy had a nice, smooth voice when he talked normally. Damn he was getting distracted! “U-uh..just stay right here and I’ll get him for ya. He should be done locking up.” 

~*~

“Bruce!!”

Eric ran around to the back, catching Bruce by the arm before he could get into his car. “Come with me!” 

“What’s going on? Did something happen? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine but someone else needs your help!”

Bruce sighed. “What is this about, Eric? It’s late, I’m tired and I want to go home.” 

“Just come with me? This’ll be worth your time I promise!” 

“Alright alright..let’s just go and get this over with.” 

Mission accomplished~

“I’ve got him!” Eric said cheerfully, bringing Bruce over to where the beautiful tattoo parlor owner waited. He immediately felt Bruce’s arm stiffen. “Come on..you’re so close! Don’t chicken out now! He needs your help!” 

“You didn’t tell me this involved him!” 

“What does it matter? Don’t make me look like a liar, man..I told him you could help him with his car!”

“Oh. Well..I guess I can’t..leave him stranded..” 

“Knew you wouldn’t~” 

Victory for Matchmaker Foxy!!

~*~

After about an hour of looking under the hood, Bruce closed it with a heavy sigh and a shake of his head. “I’m sorry..I tried to do everything I could uh.. ...” 

“Paul.” 

“..Paul..yeah..um. Your transmission his completely dead. You’re gonna have to replace it.” Paul ruffled his messy curls, looking like he wanted to scream. “Well that’s...just great!! Now not only can I not go to my party, I can’t even get home!! What else could go wrong tonight!?” Bruce rubbed the back of his neck. “Look uh..I don’t know about your party but..the least I can do is give you a ride home. Would..that be alright..?” Paul sighed and leaned against his car. “I guess..I can call somebody and have them tow this dead weight back to my place. In all honesty..I don’t even feel like going to the party anymore. I just want to go home. So yeah..I’d appreciate the ride.”

“Will your car be alright here?”

“I’m not even sure..and I really couldn’t care less right now.” Paul took Bruce’s arm and leaned against him. “I’ve got a hot guy to take me home~ How about you stay for a while and we can order dinner~?” Bruce smiled. “You know what? I think I’d like that~”

~END~

[wizardnuke]

tell me absolutely everything about your marvel oc

u said everything. u did this.

okay do u know what the avengers are missing that they really REALLY REALLY should have like It Bothers Me bc I worry about fictional fucking characters

they need a combat medic. technically sam could count but like the man's usually way up in the air, so, may I present to you: leena kyles

originally she had a certain set of powers but they were so fuckin similar to amatw's ghost that I a) lost my goddamn mind when I saw amatw and b) redesigned her out of spite

so I changed her powers and now she's the world's worst goddamn energy bender type deal and it's fantastic. its best described as like electrical telekinesis but with a very spotty wifi connection ie yes in theory she can like, blow up electrical devices, but she might just end up boosting the signal and like alerting bad guys (or, worst case scenario is that she misfires and fucks up someone's suit/arc reactor/metal arm) so really she just sticks to her endurance/agility/blind stubbornness and leaves her electrical powers to dramatic emotional breakdown moments

she's peter's age! but like, infinity war peter. in a world where infinity war never happened and neither did civil war FUCK the mcu the avengers split their time between the compound and the tower. she bonded w peter first, originally she was doing a vigilante thing but unlike peter she was kinda perceived as a threat and he was sent out to like do an assessment of her (mini mission!) and she kicked him in the head so needless to say it was the start of a beautiful friendship

how did she end up in nyc? fucking beats me. how did she get her powers? fucking depends on what I'm feeling when I'm writing her bc there's the traumatic option and the Traumatic Option and the eh she's just fuckin like this option but any way u slice it she was around doctors for the first 16 years of her life and she picked up a lot and also took classes and stuff but anyways there was a Tragic Occurrence and she had to get out and far away from where she was and nyc is a good place to disappear in

yes irondad features heavily in her storyline no I do not take criticism of any type

but anyway. she takes her secret identity very seriously bc she knows that peter is highkey monitored and like she agrees that he should be but She's Different, Okay, anyway she's a dummy, and she really doesn't want her identity to be discovered bc of people stalking her bc they want to experiment on her bc of her powers and That Can't Happen so she's a high school dropout vigilante that's friends w spiderman and she knows his first name is peter bc she accidentally overheard part of a phone call he was having w tony fucking stark and, goddamn it, she feels bad for not telling him her name when she knows his and she says her name is leena and he's like oh hi!

and then she like gets hurt-ish it's honestly not even that bad but peter worries and also he's a terrible liar and he snitches to tony and says that her name is leena. she does not find out about this. meanwhile tony is working on what little information he has on her to like find a missing person file on her and like, he isn't certain that he finds her bc leena kyles is from south carolina and that's kinda uh what the fuck and he has no frame of reference for when she went missing or if she's missing at all, really, so he doesn't say anything

and then peter gets fucking murked one day, he gets shot, like, five times in the abdomen, his suit goes offline, and tony gets a frantic call from a certain vigilante that isn't peter and she tells him their location and stuff and then starts rattling off his vitals, including ones that can only reliably be measured with a device of some sort, and, surprise, she's very attuned to the pressure levels/heartbeat/other electrical signals that the body produces, she's not good with her energy powers because they're fine-tuned to picking up stuff on people's bodies and keeping them alive, not to controlling electronics, and stark I can keep him breathing for another twenty minutes but he's lost a lot of blood and regenerating blood cells is not something I'm capable of get over here, please, I'm doing everything I can, and it's the start of a beautiful friendship. tony confirms her identity but doesn't do anything about it bc he doesn't know her situation and she doesn't suspect anything, so, whatever, right

anyways the expected thing happens, she has to give up the act and say hi her name is leena kyles she's 16 she's enhanced and she can't go back home and there's nothing for her there anyway

tony, bc he is a saint, is like okie dokie wanna meet the avengers and she's like What and he's like c'mon let's go you're one of us now

(he knows that she needs a support system, and she needs people that'll protect her)

anyways it's messy but unlike peter, leena doesn't really have contact with people her own age and she needs that too but it's hard to do that when she's supposed to be invisible so they take the risk and tony gets guardianship over her.

cut forward eh not even a week later there's an avengers call and bc this is a weird world where it's like 2012 avengers plus the others dr doom is fucking up nyc and they have to go. leena doesn't go bc she knows that she doesn't know how to work in a team that has more members than just her and peter and good lord she doesn't know how to take orders but uh. It Goes Wrong. and someone, probably steve or natasha, comes back hurt and post-hulk bruce is not helpful and idk 2012 world has SHIELD medical but they couldn't get there. idk. so they bring let's say steve in and he's ah not doing well, he's bleeding all over the couch, and they're like yelling over the phone for help and leena bolts into the room and they're like "shit leena no don't look at this" but tony's like oh SHIT wait no let her through let her through and she gets to work and saves his ass and by the time shield medical gets there steve is stable-ish and leena is casually washing blood off of her hands/arms at the kitchen sink

steve asks her if she wants to help in the field. she says yes. tony argues that he should really have a say in this, but it's for show and he agrees that she can help as like emergency backup/as a substitution if someone isn't there or has to go/their civilian herder/as their field medic.

leena is a crackhead. if someone goes down or she sees a civilian that can't get out alone she can and will run through fire and bullets and fuckin poison gas for all she cares. if she isn't needed to help but she's on the field she'll fight. it turns out that she's good at sensing heat signatures and vibrations in buildings so she knows when things are about to collapse so she's good at giving warnings that way too.

anyways she's full of love and besties with peter and lives with the avengers and has powers that make her an incredible medic and combatant so it's natural for her to be the avengers combat medic and she's damn good at it thanks for coming to my ted talk