#Brisket Five.

[currentlyonstandbi]

all the Deli Fives: *trying to figure out how to fix the timeline and stop the apocalypse*

Brisket Five in the kitchen:

[jcjoeyfreak]

[twobraincells-art]

Brisket Five would have beat the crap out of S4 Five (and Steve Blackman <3)

[pluviophiles]

i think we all collectively agree that the only thing the writers did right in tua s4 was brisket five

[blue-rose-07]

Welcome to Max's Delicatessen !

[fogmachine03]

i think they should give us season four again but instead of homewrecker five they should show us brisket five cause i wanna see what his deal is

[em1989ts]

𝒂𝒄𝒓𝒐𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆 - 𝒑𝒕. 2

five hargreeves x reader

word count: 1.7k

part one. part two. part three. main masterlist.

summary: after you discovered a deli full of alternate versions of your cheating husband, you realize they would never hurt you the way he did. once he finds you getting comfortable with another version of him, you'll have to work together to figure out how to save the world.

authors note: thank you so much for all the notes on part one! i appreciate it so much since i thought no one would ever see it. here's the highly requested part two, enjoy!

You could tell it was him right away. Your Five had burst into the deli like he was crashing a wedding. When you walked in, every Five had a look of awe displayed across his face, but now that look was replaced with anger and disappointment. 

You could tell Five had shrunk a bit under the gaze of his counterparts yet he firmly walked over to the booth where you were sitting with the new Five that you had been talking to. He had a shameful look in his eye yet held a stoic visage. Glancing down at your gentle hands still firmly held in the palms of the other Five, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked between the two of you.

“What- what is this?” He scoffed in an annoyed manner, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing yet somehow he knew exactly what was happening. 

The Five across from you gently released your hands as his eye twitched and he stood up and faced your Five. Even though they were both exactly the same height, you could tell they were challenging each other by standing up a little straighter, your Five standing slightly on his toes.

 New Five had an angry clench in his jaw yet held a slight smirk. He addressed your Five in a low tone, “You must be a fluke if you think you can just apologize and win her back because there’s not a single Five in this room that would hurt her the way you did.” 

You looked up at the two of them from your seat in the booth. You hadn’t mentioned how your Five had hurt you, what he’d done to lose you. How could this Five have known? Still however, you appreciated his defense. You had always thought it’d be pathetic to see two guys fight over you, but to see two versions of the same man, one who has hurt and wronged you and the other who holds an unconditional and undying love for you, it ignited a spark in you that you thought you’d never feel again in your existence. 

Existence. 

Once the new Five finished his sentence you could see the offense on your Five’s face as he prepared a rebuttal but you shut that down quickly. 

“Enough,” you held a hand out as if to break the aggressive tension between them, “this is irrelevant. We need to discuss a plan.” 

Your Five took this as an opportunity to occupy the seat next to you in the booth but new Five beat him to it by pulling him back by the arm and sliding in next to you, as well as placing a hand on your thigh. 

Your Five was taken aback by the action yet quickly regained his composure as he settled into the seat across from the two of you. 

Waiter Five stopped by once again to drop off another mug of coffee for your Five as well as to top of your mug and Five’s. You thanked him and took a sip as he waltzed away with a wink. You watched as your Five took a sip from his mug which he immediately spit back out. The deli of Fives erupted in laughter as both you and your Five looked around confused. 

The Five sitting next to you whispered an explanation in your ear, stating that Waiter Five had poured a couple of salt packets into his coffee rather than sugar. You grinned and hid your laugh in the shoulder of the Five next to you, him still facing you, your foreheads nearly touching. Your Five watched with a heartache as he dabbed his mouth with a napkin and set it back down on the table. 

The laughter had mostly died down, excluding a very sloshed and disheveled looking Five who continued to chuckle and hiccup while leaning against a door. 

You were still leaning slightly onto the Five next to you as he spoke, “So I take it you figured out the subway system by now” 

“Alternate versions of the same moment in time?” Five asked.

“Correct,” the other Five responded, “We’re all you from alternate timelines. Most of us here have given up on trying to fix the broken timeline.” 

Your Five listened with a befuddled look on his face and before he could question the words of the Five before him, you piped up an explanation, “It’s us who shattered the original timeline.” 

“Thank you, dear,” said the Five next to you as he brought an arm around your shoulder. You couldn’t tell if he was being this affectionate because he really missed his y/n or because he could see how badly it was ticking your Five off but either way you wanted to play along, leaning into his affection. 

He broke your gentle eye contact to once again address the Five glaring at you both.

“The timeline was shattered the moment we came into existence, leaving us with an infinite number of alternate timelines in an infinite loop of trying to save the world,” he said in a tired voice. 

You took a moment to really look at him, he looked so exhausted. 

So did your timeline’s Five.

So did Drunk Five, Waiter Five, and Brisket Five. 

Sure they looked content in the deli, as it was their place to escape, but the tired looks in their eyes really showed how hard they had tried and how worn out it made them. 

You didn’t realize it but you were staring so deeply into the eyes of your timeline’s Five. With such a soft look he thought would never come his way again. You felt sorry for him. You really did but there is nothing that could excuse everything he did. Nothing could excuse the betrayal and heartbreak he caused you. That was his fault and he would have to deal with every ounce of guilt and shame that accompanied him in his downfall. 

His eyes met yours, the green shining with sorrow as he attempted to convey all his feelings through his irises. You both knew your relationship would never be the same, even if you survived the Cleanse. There was just too much that couldn’t be undone. 

You broke the connection first, turning away to look at the tiled floor of the deli instead. 

Your Five continued to look at you. 

Your eyes. Your hair. 

He never could’ve loved Lila like he loved you, how could he have thrown you away so easily? 

His love for you was what kept his fire burning all these years. His love for you ignited his passion for saving the world,  just so you could live safely. 

Just so you could live without surviving on cockroaches or the roof of a crumbling library. 

Just so you could live without having to kill in fear of being killed. 

Just so you could live a happy and comfortable life, even if it no longer meant a life with him. 

You clenched your jaw in thought before turning to the Five next to you, “What can we do? I mean, there has to be a way out of this.” 

He looked at you with an answer he was sure you wouldn’t like, “The only way this cycle will end is if you cease to exist. You have to let the marigold combine with the durango in the Cleanse.” 

You raised a brow, “Just the marigold?” 

Five looked at you confused, “Yes, the marigold infected our mothers the moment the timeline was shattered.” 

“So it’s not actually us that’s the problem?” You waved your finger in a circle, gesturing to yourself, Five, and his absent siblings. 

“Technically not,” Five confirmed. 

You leaned back into the seat as Five returned his arm to his side. You bit your lip as you tried to remember anything that might help you come up with a plan, then it hit you. 

Viktor. 

You remember how he told everyone that when he lived on the farm back in Dallas, he saved Harlan, the little boy who drowned in the lake, by giving him some of his marigold. 

You also remembered that he was able to take away the marigold in the barn, and whatever was left back at Hotel Obsidian. 

You lifted your head, your eyes bright as the idea swirled in your mind. 

You brought your hands onto the table, finding that you explain best with random hand motions, “What about Viktor, he could absorb our marigolds and transfer out his own into the Cleanse. That way the marigold and durango meet but we won’t have to die, we just won’t have our powers again.” 

Both Fives were silent for a moment as they contemplated your plan. The Five next to you was the first to react by holding your face in his palms and planting a kiss between your brows. “Darling,” he admired, “You’re an absolute genius.” 

Your timeline’s Five frowned in disagreement and jealousy, “What about Ben? If we combine our marigold with the Cleanse then he’ll die in there.” 

“That Ben was an asshole anyway,” you shrugged, honestly not caring since he was the reason you were in this dilemma in the first place. 

He hummed in agreement, not able to argue with you on that. He stood up and so did the other Five so he could let you out of the booth. 

Your Five didn’t want to hang around for goodbyes, you had come up with a plan and that was that. He grabbed your arm and tugged you towards the door. The other Five quickly grabbed your other arm to hold you in place. 

“Once this is all over, don’t go back to him. There are plenty of Fives here who will treat you so much better,” he winked at you as cheers of agreement ensued across the deli. 

A blush came across your face as you looked around at the hopeful smiles of every Five in the room. 

Maybe you didn’t have to stop loving Five.

You just had to let go of one. 

You slightly nodded and winked back at Five as he let go of your arm, letting your Five tug you back towards the subway with an upset stomp. Looking back with a little wave, you walked out as Drunk Five yelled, “Auf wiedersehen!” 

☕︎

part three.

authors note: hopefully you guys enjoy! originally i didn't plan on making a part two but i'm glad you guys liked it so much. my inbox is open for any requests and please let me know your thoughts in the comments!

taglist: @madscamp02 @buttermilkpetals @leitor-sonolento @ren-ren23 @alavit @tofueater78 @buzzbuzzlilbee @clownwritesfanfic @beanzwritez @pholuvre

(hopefully i did this right??)

[anaargent]

I heard u take requests I am here to make one ✨ Can u make one where reader find the diner of Five's and they all haven't seen her in forever so there just all around her and doing all this stuff. There practically fighting each other and Brisket Five wins! Ty!!❤️

I just loved this idea, I hope you like it.

RU MINE?

BRISKET FIVE x READER

You didn't know how you ended up here. One moment you were inside the mysterious subway, watching the stations pass by through the window with vacant and lost eyes. Now you were in a restaurant surrounded by countless Fives.

You lost count of how many disgusting pick-up lines you received from some drunk Fives - honey, you're not the end of the world, but you're on my mind all the time - Or the subtle flirtations of the grumpy Five - maybe you want to have a coffee? With me? At the same table? Like, a date? - It was cute, like an old man trying to woo someone in a Jane Austen book. A few cheesy pick-up lines from a Five waiter, who was very insistent - you know, I could be a much better escort than this loser, when you want a real man, just call me dove - he says, leaning dangerously close to you with the tray in his hand, leaving after someone insistently rang the doorbell to call him, an anonymous savior.

There was even a serenade from a Five who was too drunk for his own good - Shouldn't he be taken away from there? - you point to the man staggering on stage - no, he's fine, it's his Meryl Streep moment - someone spoke seconds before the singer Five threw up.

You were flattered by so many looks in your direction, you really were, but it didn't feel right. You always had something with your Five, you knew he felt something too, it was a lifelong companionship. But maybe you underestimated the time you spent together, always postponing, "maybe next week we can have coffee?" "Maybe we should take a week off and go out together?"

- maybe a drink for a pretty lady? - you were awakened from your thoughts by the sweet voice of another Five, ready to gently dismiss him when you saw him place a cup of hot coffee in front of you - I-

- you don't like black coffee? I brought you an espresso with plenty of sugar - he smiles, turning to pour a few more clones of himself. You smile, the brisket five, you should have seen it coming. He was the only one who didn't try his luck and court you, but here he was, and he had nailed your favorite drink. One point for him

- so what? Some pick-up line or are you the mysterious type? - you scoff as you sip your espresso, your feet dangling as you stare at him. - lucky you, none - he smiles, finally finishing his task and leaning against the counter in front of you - you deserve a break after so many love attacks.

You sigh in defeat, letting your confident facade fall - I don't understand, what is everyone looking for? - you ask, looking around. So many Five's looking defeated, some already unconscious, from alcohol or fatigue. - isn't it obvious? - the brisket five leans closer - the Apocalypse? - you ask confused.

- you - he says simply as he smiles, a beautiful smile.

- me? - you laugh in disbelief - don't laugh at them, they're poor souls in search of the only company they've ever had.

You swallow hard, observing the environment once again, so many Five, only one of you - what happened?..with my clones?

- it depends - Five asks, sitting down next to you - some leave, some dismiss you when they realize the problem they were going to get themselves into, some paths diverge, some die.

The atmosphere gets heavy for a moment, you clear your throat and try to break the ice - and you? Five..?

- oh, please, call me whatever you want - he smiles flirtatiously - let's just say you dumped me - oh, I'm sorry, I hope I…she, she wasn't too rude.

- she was - he stares at you for a moment, a flash of longing in his eyes - but I deserved it - he spoke in a melancholic tone, as he pulled a coat over the counter, throwing it over your shoulders. You looked at him questioningly - you were shaking, I didn't want you to get cold - he justified himself with a shrug. You looked away, feeling your cheeks heat up a little at his detailed care, an uncomfortable feeling taking over your chest.

- Do you want to get some coffee? - Five asks after gathering the necessary courage within himself. You let out a laugh, the first real one of the night - We're literally in a coffee shop, and you work here - Except for you, I don't like anyone in this room. And the service is terrible - he whispers smilin like it was a dirty secret and extends his hand to you.

- Where would we go? - You ask as you look expectantly at Five in front of you

- I know some great places in Paris, I'd love to show you around - he says with that sideways smile. You don't answer, you simply stand up and grab his hand, pulling him into a soft kiss, the shocked reaction of the man in front of you amused you, his eyes slightly wide, his mouth half open, trying to process the bold movement

- Excuse me? - He says with a shaky voice.

- I don't - you smile - take me to drink this damn coffee, then we'll see what happens.

*meanwhile at the diner*

A sad grumpy Five takes his last sip of drink, the liquid burning his throat as he throws the glass away, his eyes clouded in anguish as he watches you once again walk away, out of his reach. Again.

[fiercene0n]

save me brisket five

[laurrelise]

okay all i want right now is an umbrella academy spinoff of just the deli fives working in the kitchen like in the bear

ok ok picture this:

deli owner five: i swear to fucking god five, if five has to wait any longer for the brisket, you’re fired.

brisket five: it’s not my fault! five still hasn’t finished the goddamn fries! (clearly at his breaking point)

fryer five: that’s because someone left his station dirty when he left after his morning shift. (also at his breaking point)

clocked-out fryer five: (sprinting out the back door) alright see you assholes tomorrow

server five: alright, i try not to get on you guys about ticket times… but five looks like he’s about ready to walk out.

deli owner five: fuck, give him a free dessert.

server five: okay, but can we hurry this shit up? i’d like a tip if that’s alright with you dickheads.

brisket five: get the hell out of my kitchen.

busser five: (bursting in with a full bin of dirty dishes) drunk five is demanding a fluffernutter and making a scene again.

deli owner five: (shuffling through countless tickets and slamming his fist on the counter) i have zero goddamn time for this five, we’re slammed with this lunch rush and im down two cooks today. help a guy out and get him to leave.

busser five: you pay me minimum wage and i could not give less of a shit. i’m not dealing with him again.

drunk five, bursting into the kitchen: i knew i smelled peanut butter in here (pointing at brisket five who’s currently on grill preparing a burger)

brisket five: this is literally a beef patty

deli owner five: alright man, we’ve tried to play nice, but you’re out of here. let’s go, don’t make a scene. (pulling drunk five out by his collar and dusting off his hands) fuckin’ hell, none of you make it easy, do you?

brisket five:

booth five watching from the dining room: jesus christ

[imjustasmalltowngirl]

i want a spin off of just five’s diner. i want to know how it came to be, why nobody has paradox psychosis, how the nicknames happened, why brisket five always wrecks shit, et cetera. i’m obsessed because every five in there is better than the one we got!

[mr-cleans-last-hair-follicle]

I NEED to know this mans story

I need like a whole ass spinoff of just him

[buglover77]

Things from season 4 of TUA that can stay:

Brisket Five

Viktor beating the shit out of Reginald

[i-have-the-best-url]

TUA creators watching the fandom go from absolutely hating Five to having another version of him that gets one (1) line be the favourite

[pancakeswithbutterandsyrup]

Brisket Five!! the newly and improved Five 😀👍(forgetting the og Five for now)

Woohoo!! WOOOOOO-

[ghysry]

Hii! Idk if ur requests r open, I’m sorry if there not, but I had an idea :3

I’m kinda obsessed with Brisket Five…and all the diner fives. Srry if this makes u uncomfortable but maybe a smut with Brisket Five?? IF NOT just some nice fluff would be nice. Something like Brisket hasn’t seen us and we died in his time line or something-so he’s just all over reader <3 Ty!

ERMMM I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO WRITE SMUT I AM SO SORRY

Pairings: Diner Fives, all obsessed with you, kisses everywhere, BRISKET FIVE *lick emoji* x Reader

Tags: brisket five, diner fives, Five Hargreeves, Five x reader, Five Hargreeves x reader, smut, can't even say this is smut, I swear I tried my best bro, did I forget SMUT

---------------------------------------------------

"Can't choose between us? Just choose all of us."

Well this certainly wasn't what you thought would happen after stepping into a random diner you found. You and Five had a fight about something stupid which led you to pettily step out of the subway and find yourself another place to go, which also proved your stupidity because only halfway off did you remember that it was a time subway and not a normal subway. Good god. Now you're here in the booth seat with your back on the cushion as you laid there and a Five that looks way cuter than the one you had a fight with kissing all over your face ranting about how much he's missed you.

"Mm..missed you, where have you," he kisses your right cheek, before trailing down to your jawline and pressing hefty kisses on your skin. "..been?" He had his legs on either side of you as you laid, making sure not to put too much weight on your body while one of his hands were messing with your hair and the other propping himself up. "Brisket Five are you done? Some of us want a turn, and I thought we agreed an hour per person?" Another Five in the background called out, folding his newspaper and rolling his eyes at the display of affection, knowing he himself would probably do something even worse, if not for all the people in the diner.

Brisket Five shrugged his shoulders, or tried his best to shrug his shoulders, before diving back in and pressing his nose on your neck, relishing in the familiar scent of your body. "Don't you ever die on me again.."

------------------------------------

Who knew so many of them would be into voyeurism?

"Fuck--huff...ugh," This Five was a lot more vocal than the others that came before him, and a lot needier too. His hands were touching all up on your body, squeezing your breasts and dipping down to bite at your skin while he was still pumping in and out of you.

Literally every Five needs you carnally, WHATTT WHO SAID THATTT

"Don't ruin them, it's my turn after you." While another Five is watching you go braindead over some cock, his hand on his crotch and pressing down on the bulge, hissing at how painfully hard he's gotten.

You cried so prettily while Brisket Five was deep inside you that he came twice in the span of thirty minutes. Literally can't help it, would cum ten times if he could, you're just so pretty.

You find it a weird turn on when some of them are so needy and untouched that they cum in minutes..which is almost all of them..WHOO WROTE THAT, THAT WASNT ME

Some of them huff and pant and whimper like dogs in heat. Confirmed.

"Missed you.." while Brisket Five is bottoming out inside you

Aftercare is literally HEAVENLY

Kisses all over your body, warm blanket for good measure, lots of "you did so well today", then being wiped clean by a wet towel

You're fed a whole lot of food after it's insane

Trust me. They'll do anything for you.