#Bring Me the Horizon Wonderful Life Review

[the-orange-tabby-cat]

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Wings Of The Dawn | Chapter 1

Joel miller x fem!reader

Summary: You are Jackson's librarian, a doll with a good heart, that has your life changed when a handsome man decides to take his kid and start again in your small town after completing their cross country journey. Having a hard time ignoring Joel's dark brown eyes, you find yourself wishing to have him close as you both navigate through love triangles, teenage drama, city gossip, and ghosts from both of your pasts. This is a comfort fic filled with slow burn and small town dynamics.

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Rating: 18+ eventually (first chapter free of smut)

Warnings/Tags: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, Age Difference, Small Town Dynamics, No use of y/n

Word count: 7.5k

Late A/N: Howdy! I re-edited this chapter (just the text layout, nothing about its content) to be more in sync with the writing style of the rest of the story. All changes were on the text structure, not the story.

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CHAPTER 1

"You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue; you, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain."

Psalm 139:1-6

The green of the moss was brighter after the early morning rain, the droplets of water made the color pop as the ground absorbed all the night's moisture. Into the mountains, deep in the woods, the river followed its gentle course, while its cold water was now sharper from the rain. Shades of light pink and orange filled the horizon line with the sunrise. Jackson was mostly asleep, enjoying the peaceful start of the day, just the bird tweets filling the city atmosphere. In the early hours of the day, the orange tabby cat tried to chase the swallows down the porch. The flock flew through the sky seconds before the cat’s attack.

"Better luck next time, baby," you exclaimed while petting the cat's head. It was a classic morning action up to this point: the bird's early chants with the cat (attempt at) hunting. Over the last three years, not even once has the cat been able to attack their prey, but the lack of self-awareness seems endearing to you.

It was somewhat after 5 a.m., not that you cared that much, the sunrise sky was one of the simple pleasures you could still slurp on. Sometimes, if you let your mind wander enough, there was a sense of mundane in it, just peace. The cat started to purr while rubbing its face on your calves, bringing you back to reality. It was a spring morning, and you were on your porch up your feet with your pajamas.

"Hungry? C'mon, I will get you something," you echoed to the creature's delight.

The city was slowly gaining new sounds as the time went by. You could hear from your kitchen the horse's blow coming from a recent patrol, the neighbor’s baby crying, and the final chant of the birds that the cat tried to hunt earlier. You changed your clothes, wishing for a cold day, not early summer weather, and left your house to walk down the wet pavement in the direction of Nath’s house. The sky still held the light pink and orange shades, making a pleasant view as you hurry your steps. Inside your head, you were reviewing the day's tasks, "wake up Nath, attend the council meeting, get more food supplies for the cat and me," not much going on.

If you were honest, the easy, simple life wasn't entirely your heart's desire. You knew Jackson was probably the best option for you out there after the outbreak. You were soft, and the idea of safety was enough for you over the last three years. But sometimes, just sometimes, you couldn’t help but wonder if following your routine and finding your house empty once you left work wasn't starting to get on your nerves.

You shook that thought from your head as you got to Nath’s front door, slowly twisting the doorknob. Of course, she left it unlocked, you were the best alarm she ever had – her words. On the kitchen countertop were some tea bags with a mug on the side, and the kettle already had water on, just waiting for someone to turn on the stove. You scowled while making you both a cup of tea, her with less sugar.

Holding both mugs, you went down the hall, using your hips to open the already open door of her bedroom even wider.

"Wake up, lazy ass, we have 15 minutes" Nath opened one eye slowly as she heard you scream.

“Strawberry tea? Little sugar?” she replied as you shoved the mug in front of her face, taking a small sip while smiling a little. Your only response was to roll your eyes, "What would I do without you? You know that you are the early bird from us two," she endorsed you with a playful look.

"If somebody told me that I would have to wake up your lazy ass every morning, I would have preferred to be Maria's best friend," you glared as she sat down, wholly offended by your statement.

She knew you were only joking, but you couldn't help but smile to her absolute horror. The short blonde hair was all over her face, and the small almond dark blue eyes wide shot made the scene even better.

“Just put something on, we don’t have the whole day, we can eat at the Bison after the meeting.”

"Yeah, by "we can eat" you mean "you can cook me something." Unbelievable, you make me one cup of tea and already think that you can shout me orders," she replied after gulping part of the strawberry tea, jumping out of bed.

She wasn't entirely wrong; the Tipsy Bison, Jackson’s only bar, was hers after her granddad passed away a few years back. With an impressive number of two staffs, including Nath herself, she was your barman and chef most of the times.

As you two walked to the mess hall, you pondered how you were quite different despite being close in age. Nath had just celebrated her 34th birthday during winter, and you were just a couple of years younger. She seemed more juvenile than you, starting with her wardrobe. While you were with the combo of a long skirt and a shirt with the sleeves down your elbow - a heritage of your upbringing - she wore low-rise jeans and a pale blue t-shirt written: "Keep staring, I might do a trick." Charming. She also had a tomboy way of life, speaking the first thing that came to her mind, which, as you got closer to the mess hall was starting to worry you.

“Hey, Dolly." Alfie nodded in your direction, his green eyes bright with a small smile. You smiled back at your politeness, even though you hated the nickname.

You felt Nath exhale hard next to you. Maria was all joy as the rest of the council spoke about her pregnancy in the corner. With hands softly caressing her belly and her dark skin glowing in the yellow light of the mess hall, it was easy to see her as a non-threatening figure, despite Nath constant banter of how much she didn't see in this madonna image in her. Nath came from a founder family of Jackson just like the pregnant woman, which was the origin of her beef with Maria and constant animosity.

"I can't believe she uses it to get more attention," you look at Nath while raising your eyebrows.

"Well, her belly is getting bigger, and a child is a small miracle, especially nowadays." Nath rolled her eyes at you, and you felt missing something.

 “You see, that shit you speak is how I know for sure that you grew up Mormon. Small miracle my ass”, she retorted getting herself a chair, still moody.

Oh. Yeah, sometimes your mind formed phrases that sounded much more like your mother than yourself, that being one of them. You felt your face heaten as the council sat in a circle right at the center of the hall, waiting for the spokesperson of the day to start.

“Good morning, I hope nobody got bitten by the bed bugs today.” Chad started with positivity that filled your heart with joy. Despite being the tallest man around, his face was constantly an open invitation to sweet talk, with round cheeks and a soft gaze. “Edwin, could you please read for us the topics in discussion today?”

"Okay, we have the new division of this season's crops" the old man said looking in Chad's direction with his glasses low at his nose, "The dam amendment before raining season", Edwin continued, now pointing a finger towards Alfie, "and the new residents". Maria chewed the inside of her cheek, and you immediately sensed something.

The council was one of Jackson’s pillars as an independent society. A collaborative system, no more currencies in paper money, and a collective mind elected for the community's well-being. At least this is how Nath convinced you to accept the position a year ago after nominating you for one of the six positions and, somehow, convincing the other citizens to vote for you. It took you months to learn that she used her influence with more than just arguments to have you there.

"I needed someone I could trust, and I can't let Maria have everything her way. People already think that she owns this city. You’re my friend, and I would follow you without holding back. Plus, I need someone to help me develop my brilliant plans", she argumented one day after you put some pressure on why she thought having you as part of the council would thrive.

Three women and three men were elected by the people every two summers. As spring was coming to its middle, you started to wonder if you would continue as part of it by summer or if you would be taken off. "Odd years we have elections, right years we vote to take out council members. If one of us gets voted out, we make a whole new election, Dolly", Edwin explained with a stern voice to you once. You didn't know if it made you calmer or restless.

The meeting went smoothly, a little bickering between Nath and Maria as always, but nothing new. They were constantly up on each other necks, and at this point, everybody already understood it as normal behavior. Chad offered to help the mess hall kitchen with the menu for this season greens and fruits, Alfie would open a few positions to get more hands on the dam, all good.

"I believe we can follow with your topic," Edwin pointed vaguely toward Maria. The older man looked like a villain from a child's cartoon: full gray hair, short in stature, thin frame, and a hook nose that only amplified the villainess type by having his glasses at the tip of it. His stern voice had a neutral tone, with no menace behind it, but as Maria started to speak, you again noticed something was off.

"As you might recall, Tommy's brother came to Jackson with a girl last winter. On the occasion, they had to finish a trip to the west, despite being told that this city would welcome them." She lifted her head and cleared her throat, "Two days ago, they completed their journey to finding their way back to our city, they already have been provided a house and some basics for a new life. The girl will start school in a few days. I know that normally I'm the one that coordinates the new welcomers. Still, this time being family, I thought it would be better to involve the council on it."

"Wait, two days ago, right?" Nath asked Maria, who replied with a single nod, "So they came by the track near the river to the city?" Something clicked inside your head, and you quickly looked at Maria waiting for confirmation.

She nodded again, "I think so," she simply pondered.

Two days ago, Nath appeared at the library's back house. As the weather got warmer, you and her got into a small routine: bicycle rides in the woods with river swimming at the end. Entering the library, she screamed for you, "You can work on books every day, but this weather is one in a lifetime!" She wasn't wrong, the winter had been a little cruel to you, and you both craved warmer days. You started sweating a bit from how warm the day had begun, hair up and everything, dreaming of some coolness. For once in a long time you accepted that despite being a very responsible city librarian and archivist, you could give yourself a break and followed her to the city gate.

Of course, the bicycles had seen better days, but you worked with what you had. They were a gift from Alfie, who found them a while back and made some improvements to you both. Nath spent the whole week teasing you that he would try to find any excuse to be close to you, going for as much as giving her a gift. The path between the trees and the open field was easy, the only snow at the peak of the mountains surrounding Jackson, and no risk of slip and fall.

Nath was rambling about how she thought this was the year she would meet the love of her life, "I can feel it, I swear to God!" she giggled as you both went a slight fast downhill.

"You say that every new season, plus you don't even believe in God," you retorted, amused by her joy.

"I don't, but you do. Do you believe I’ll find love this time?" she asked, smiling at you.

You slowed down a bit, taken by surprise. You didn't know when it was the last time you had faith in a creator, in something looking above for you. It had been a while since you had fully believed in something out-worldly. It was tied with memories you couldn't fully deal with yet.

"I do, Nath, I truly do." You said, smiling lopsided in her direction. A little bit of positivity wouldn’t bite back.

She pedaled faster and screamed from the front, "Told ya, sucker!”

The river wasn't that deep up on the hills. It was no more than a bit after noon, meaning that you could have a lot of daylight to enjoy the day and still go back. You both stripped into the underwear, the long-forgotten swimwear with the other pleasures of pre-outbreak. During the heat waves days, Nath would get bold and be topless by the river despite your warning that it was reckless behavior. Today you both were wearing a full set of underwear. It was the first hot day, not even proper hot.

“Holy shit, I can feel my uterus giving me hell," Nath said, retorting her face while stepping on the river margins, her feet touching the cold water.

"Cramps?" you asked as she made faces towards the sky. The apparent truth of the cold waters of Wyoming being constant, even more during spring, didn't matter that much, you both could deal with it for a free day.

As time passed and you got tired of swimming, you decided to get sun on your skin in the meadow nearby, still in Nath's eyesight. She was the reckless one, the bad influence, you still thought this was the outbreak, and some sense of safety was important. As you walked chasing the sun, you felt the soil getting stuck in the soft skin of your feet, the leaves and dirt making you jump a bit. The sky was mostly blue, and you could feel your skin getting warmer as you got closer to the sunlight.

"Are you getting hungry? I think we still have about two hours before getting to the city gate," a low register man's voice asked nearby. The hair in your arms and neck lifted, and your breathing started to get quicker. You tried to find from where the voice was coming to be able to hide from it.

"Not really," a girl answered it, a flat delivery. Your nipples were stiff from the panic of not being alone, you became aware of your state. The wet cream bra was transparent, the wet panties showing more than you felt comfortable of yourself.

You had nothing to fight back if they attacked you, vulnerable and shivering from the cold air getting in touch with your wet body. Staring to chatter teeth, you tried to get back for the river and alert Nath slowly but stepped on a stick, making some noise.

“What was that?” the girl asked, now putting more life in her voice. You quickly hid behind a nearby tree from the direction of the voice, your heart beating faster.

"Probably an animal. I haven't heard anything", the man said back after a few seconds, in a gentle tone.

You tried to spy from your hiding spot as you sensed they were moving downhill. The girl was at the front wearing a white and red plaid shirt and jeans, her hair up. From behind, you could only notice how small she seemed next to the man, reaching no more than his shoulders. The man was tall, with broad shoulders and a longer hair with salt and pepper. His dark gray shirt did not contrast his dark jeans, he was carrying a backpack, a gun carefully put on his jeans at the right side. You shivered, noticing it. As you felt they were getting far, you decided to look better and fully stepped on in front of the tree you were using to hide. Unfortunately, it was the exact moment that the man decided to look back.

You only got a glimpse of his face before hiding again, his dark brown eyes and strong nose burned inside your head. Your breath started to rise again. Now you had no idea if it was by fear of him being armed or because you noticed that the stranger was handsome. There were no sounds of footsteps towards or downwards, just the river and birds filling the air. After what seemed to be a lifetime, the girl came back.

"Joel, let's go! I want to get there for dinner time," she urged him. He sighed in response.

"Thought you weren't hungry," he replied grumpily as they continued their path toward what seemed to be Jackson.

You waited a few seconds more and went straight to Nath, who continued on her lazy journey of doing nothing. Getting closer to her, you whispered.

"Hey, hey, look at me: There was a man and a kid walking nearby. I think they are going to Jackson as well. His name is Joel, do you know him?"

"Joel? I don't think so. Wait, are you sure that they were going to Jackson? Damn, we have no weapons with us," Nath replied while putting her clothes back, you did the same. It was no longer a lazy day but a refuge that got caught. You both decided to return to the city using the longer path, unwilling to cross ways with the strangers.

You came back from your memory as Nath sucked her cheek while crossing her arms in front of her chest, looking in front of her and then back to Maria.

"They have been here before, right? I didn't catch their names," she inquired.

"Joel and Ellie, and yes, just like I said, they were here last winter" Maria said, softer than expected. From her seat, Nath locked eyes with you, in your mind flashed the sight of dark eyes and a strong nose.

“You mean that you want us to decide where your brother-in-law will be starting to give back to the city?" Alfie asked, mouth open while resting an elbow at his knee, getting closer to Maria, his accent thicker as he phrased.

“Something like that. Tommy said he used to be a contractor. They worked together before the outbreak. He traveled from Boston to here by feet with a young girl if this means something to any of you." Putting her hand on her belly, Maria looked at you. "Dolly, do you have any insights? You seem quieter today than usual."

“I think you should ask Alfie’s opinion on it. We just spoke about getting more hands to work on the dam. Am I right?"

Alfie smiled, showing his teeth to you despite you being oblivious to its meaning. You honestly had no idea why he was always so gentle with you, but now wasn't the time to figure it out.

The whole council was looking at him. Maria seemed impatient, Nath was still merged in her thoughts, Chad and Edwin were waiting. Alfie took another look at you before speaking, "If he has the skills and the willingness to help, I can't see why this would be a problem. When can he start?"

“Let’s make it soon as possible, shall we?” Maria said, getting up, her hand still upon her belly. "Do we have any more topics, or this is it?"

With that, the meeting was done. Everyone got to their primary jobs: Edwin to the clinic where he was the doctor, Chad to the city garden, Maria to coordinate the patrols, and Nath to the Tipsy Bison. You were slowly walking to catch Nath when Alfie started to walk with you.

"Do you like Mexican food?" he asked, looking into your eyes.

He was somewhat close to you, making his freckles even more visible. He was clean-shaved, but his stubborn 5 o'clock shadow continued there. His strong brows and deep, dark short hair made him very masculine, even with softer features. The eyes, green with a hint of brown, were so sweet, holding your gaze.

“Uhm, I think so. I can't say that I have eaten a lot of it before. Why?" you pondered, stopping on the mostly dry pavement. Alfie was a handsome and sweet man, he had been trying to get some excuses to talk with you over the last few months, and you found a reason to get away every single time.

“Amazing! Then you will try my food. It won’t be fully authentic because I can’t find everything here, of course, but Catarina wanted to eat quesadillas and thought you would like them too." His thick accent, combined with his beautiful smile, made you consider his proposal this time.

“Well, if it is Cat’s idea, why not?” He smiled even wider with your response. “Do you have a date in mind?”

“Oh, no, no, n-not a date, Dolly!” He raised his hands in front of him in panic, eyes widening as he stuttered.

"I mean, if you have a day for it already. I understood what you meant, don't worry," you chuckled as he blushed.

“What about tomorrow night? Are you free?”

You nodded, "Yes Alfie, I am. See you then", finishing the sentence with a smile and leaving, finally, for the Tipsy Bison.

When you got to the bar, it was easy to sense some tension in the air. Seth, the barman and general helper, looked at you like you both had a secret. Nath was in the kitchen muttering something to Seth, unaware of your presence. You noticed that the bar was emptier than normal, squinting your eyes a bit at the older man as he finally gave in.

"Alright, you haven't heard from me, but Tommy's brother is making a hell of an impression," he whispered to you, furring your brows to him, you didn't have time to ask what he meant when Nath came from the kitchen holding two plates with sandwiches.

“Are you deaf? I said we need more chicken, go get some, the patrols will be here soon, man!” she impatiently rambled to him. You shared a look with Seth while he got his coat and left the bar.

Nath sighed and shook her head, "Seven years, I still have no clue what Pawpaw saw in that man."

Seth was one of the first residents outside the original families, setting down in Jackson a few months after the settlement. Nath’s granddad’s best man, she promised him that he could continue to work there at Bison, something that she still felt unsure about years after it.

“Seth is a kind man, I think you are just jealous because your grandpa gave him his baseball cap," you said, getting one of the plates in front of you.

“Yeah, I won't get over it," she replied, pouting a little and making you laugh.

"So, low movement today?" you asked through a bite of the sandwich. Nath looked back at you with intensity.

"Yeah, seems so, apparently, Tommy's brother, Joel," she stressed the name, "has a reputation for himself. Everyone wants to know how the hell he got able to travel this far with a kid. They are settled down near the cemetery, nearby here.”

"It's a small place. Everything isn't as far," you pondered with another bite. By the way her eyes were on your face, it was clear that she wanted to cut to the chase. “Do you remember his first time here, during the winter? Because I don’t, we haven’t crossed paths. I kept wondering what could have happened to us in the woods that day, we had no protection.”

She nodded deeply, took another bite, and turned her neck towards the door. Deep in thinking, she said, "We should get ourselves a gun for situations like this. I mean, I have mine, but you? Oh Doll, I know you by heart, you don't have a gun."

You rested your chin in your hand, she was right. In the years before Jackson the maximum you were allowed to have was a knife, your brother and father had done everything to protect you.

"My heart is soft, am I right?" you shrugged, Nath laughed, "But I can use a gun, I just chose not to use one still. Sometimes I forget that we are in a bubble."

If you had a gun with you, would it have been different two days ago in the woods? Maybe, but now you were sure: you needed one for minor emergencies. Still, even if you were paranoid about your little ritual with your friend, something about Joel gave you the feeling that you could trust him.

You were sure he saw you hiding and chose not to chase you down. The council hasn’t spoken a word about it, Maria seemed unaware of it as well. Not that you were obliged to stay inside at all times inside Jackson, but people knew you and Nath left the city space occasionally for a few hours. What people had no clue is that you left without any protection. And this is what could bring you problems.

“I’ll get you a gun, don’t worry. What librarian amazing adventures do you have planned today?" She took another bite, waiting for your response.

"Esther asked me to restore one of her books about sheep, something about their reproduction cycle. Don't ask me, I have no clue." Nath seemed amused enough by your response, frowning.

Esther took care of the sheep farm, a little further on the hills, a few miles from Jackson. She also spent a few days of the week with the sheep inside the city, enhancing why she needed to keep the formal process updated in case someone else had to do her function.

In case, everything after the outbreak has to be in case of something. In case I can't be back, in case something happens in the way, in case someone dies. Your reluctance to have your gun was because it made you blue to think about tomorrow with the tone of "what if?" You wanted to be free in a world that never allowed you to be. First, it was the religion, then the outbreak, and now your sense of preservation.

Outside the Bison, you heard Tommy's voice. You looked to picture what was happening and saw him speaking with a man with dark brown eyes and a strong nose. You stiffed a bit in your seat. Joel smiled back at his brother and joined him in the Bison.

“Gentleman, how can I help you?” Said Nath, already going to the other side of the counter.

Joel looked at you for a second. You felt your cheeks blush a bit but maintained the pose. You were right, he was handsome.

"This is Nath, the firecracker I told you about. Her family helped to create Jackson, she takes care of the bar with Seth." Tommy started his explanation to this brother, looking at the blonde woman waiting for some explanation of where Seth was.

“He went to get me some chicken for this afternoon patrol’s food.”

“Oh, well, you’ll meet him another time for sure!” Tommy continued and moved on to stay by your side.

“And this is the city librarian, she takes care of the books with her life and restores them as well. Needless to say, I don't spend much time in the library, but I know for a fact that our Dolly is taking good care of it." He put a hand on your shoulder while smiling big towards his brother.

“Dolly as in Dolly Parton?” Joel asked, his low register voice trying to sound amicable, even though his face was still somewhat menacing.

You took a good look at his face. The salt and pepper appeared more near his temples, with his hair making soft curls near his forehead. Beard was patchy with a prominent mustache, making his bottom lip appear even plushier. The nose shaped like a triangle, strong with a small scar near the bridge. His square face was adorned with a few moles and wrinkles, deeper near his eyes and between his brows. A quick thought of wanting to kiss every single one of them appeared in the back of your mind. You spoke before analyzing it.

“As in doll face. People around here seem to think that I'm some kind of sweet creature," you responded, doing your best to replicate his tone with you. Your smile wasn't genuine, but it seemed enough for Tommy to smile back.

The nickname was horrible. You hated it since the first time you heard it. It made you feel weak. You were the middle child of seven kids in a classic Mormon family from Utah, from the moment you came into this world your life revolved around the idea of being a pretty thing on someone's shelf.

Never smartest, never funnier, not even prettiest, but definitely the sweetest. Putting men's needs above yours, letting people choose your path, you were hoping that by the time you got into your thirties you would have this behind you, but from the day you got in Jackson and Eugene said you were a Dolly, everyone just bought it and voilà, back to the place you tried to run from your whole life.

“Uhm, and do you like it?” Joel asked. You furrowed your brows a bit, "Being called like that?" His eyes went back and forth between yours.

"Not really," you answered, no longer fake smiling. “Perhaps you can call me another thing if you prefer." You could feel Nath’s eyes looking at you.

"Give me your name, and I’ll call you by it," Joel continued, you grinned and said it. He repeated for you while staring still. No more than a few seconds passed before Tommy opened his mouth.

“Girls, always a pleasure. I have to continue introducing my brother here to the other council members. See you at the mess hall.” Tommy waved his goodbye, Joel said “ma’am” to Nath and your name for you as he bowed his head and followed his brother.

That night you took longer to sleep from overthinking how your name sounded right when coming from his lips.

---

Nath wasn't joking when she said she would find you a gun. Not that you believe she was joking, but you mistook her influence around the town. She took in some favors and got her hand on a pistol, the same one that she dropped softly in your hands to right after putting both of her hands on her hips.

"I won't lecture you about it, so you know safety pin, how to properly store when traveling, don't tell Maria, the usual shit." She sighed, looking around your backyard as you put the gun safe in a box. When you looked back at her, she continued. "So, the cowboy liked you, huh?"

"What cowboy?" you asked, putting the box away and plopping in a chair, the orange cat nestling in your lap.

"So we have more than one cowboy? Interesting," she laughed, and you rolled your eyes. "C'mon, you know which one, the stranger danger."

"We only saw him once, quit it. Besides, it was just southern politeness," you replied while petting the cat.

Nath hummed a bit. You felt her mind pondering something before she spoke again, "Okay, no more Texans then, what about the Mexicans? How was last night's dinner?"

You stopped a bit pouting, trying to think of how you could describe the experience. "It was nice, turns out I like quesadillas.”

“That’s it? This is your whole summary? Gotta give me more," Nath replied, and you did.

Alfie showed up later at the library while you were cleaning some shelves, you knew that it was him before looking behind you because of the smell of sawdust and wood.

“I noticed that I haven’t said what time you could come tomorrow. 7 p.m. is fine by you?" He asked after greeting you with a smile. You already had forgotten about the dinner by this time, still thinking of deep brown eyes, very different from the green ones staring at you.

"Yeah, of course, what kind of dessert Cat likes? I will bring something." You got a little closer to him with a book in your hands.

Most of the time when Alfie tried to get close to you, he was alone: walking you to your house late at night, sitting down at your table in the mess hall, bringing you something from the patrols. You always politely said no or excused yourself early, you had no idea why he insisted so much on you. But this time, since he said it was his teenage daughter's idea, you finally gave in.

“Don’t worry, we’ll enjoy everything you make. 7 p.m. then, we’ll be waiting!" He said while returning to the door, leaving you with your thoughts. Cat was a good kid, always polite with you, and willing to spend some time by the library. What bad would it be to give her back some of the attention?

The rest of the day went fast. The book Esther asked for some small restore almost finished, the final task of getting more food for you and the orange cat waiting ahead. As you put some weight above Esther's book to make the glue stick to the pages, you heard the bell sound from the front door, courtesy of the library being in the same place as an old store from the pre-outbreak days. Leaving the back house and coming to the main room, you saw a small girl with her hair up, Tommy's niece.

You smiled at her. She was looking around the shelves with a hint of curiosity in her eyes. Still smiling, you introduced yourself and asked for her name.

"Ellie, as in Elena or Ellen?" you wondered while analyzing her face better in the artificial light inside the library.

“Just Ellie," she replied a little flat-toned, just like that afternoon near the river. Her dark brown eyes were a little lighter than Joel's, her skin paler too, a smaller mouth, and you remembered that Maria defined her as the girl, not his daughter or any other way.

"What brings you to the library?" You waited for her response; a few seconds passed, and she looked you in the eye.

“Do you have anything about space?" she inquired, and you smiled.

"Good choice. Anything specific in your mind?" you replied, looking for the right shelf.

The book collection wasn’t as extensive, but you thought the kid wouldn't care much. You were constantly adding new titles through the patrols and Eugene scheme with you, if you needed something different you could try to find it in another abandoned place. She continued in silence, trying to find the right words, "Okay, what about fiction? Do you like those? Have you read this one?" You placed a copy of Stardust by Neil Gaiman in front of her.

"Not a fairytale type of person," she grimaced, and you laughed. You believed the green book cover with a blonde fairy seemed a little childish to Ellie. Even though she appeared in her early teens, she had traveled across the country, and something told you that she had a hell of a time.

"Not exactly a fairytale. Okay, do you want to play a game?" She frowned and looked at you, "Take it with you. If you like it, your next book will be another recommendation from me, but if you hate it, I will read whatever you want to."

“I don’t know you, why would I say yes to it?” she asked, still confused.

“Have you ever talked with someone who read the same book as you? Or even someone with the same musical taste?" you replied as she shook her head, "then try it. You will be hooked.”

You wrote down her name with chalk on the board behind you, where you kept track of all the books and in which house they were. At the same time, Ellie left the library with the copy tugged in her arms. Life followed its natural track: you ate dinner and saved some for the orange cat, slept after a thread of thoughts about the handsome man, woke up early, and went straight to the library. The streets weren’t shining from rain just like the morning before, they were quieter than usual, if not for a girl seated in front of the library.

"You should have told me that this was an adventure book," Ellie exclaimed as soon as she saw you. Her eyes’ under bags were a little puffier than yesterday. She seemed somewhat sleepy.

“Did you read it all in one night?” You inquired while opening the library, her following your footsteps.

“Hell yeah, dude, they have pirates and witches. And Yvaine? The star? I need more of it," she spilled, the flatness of her prior tone no longer there. She was full of life, to your surprise.

You decided to take something a little bolder this time, handing her a copy of Coraline. She gratefully accepted it without questioning it.

"But make sure to breathe and sleep, okay? I don't want Joel worrying about you," you exclaimed as she left.

Marking down her name with a different book on the board, you remembered how you read underneath the sheets late at night as a kid before everything changed. Your brother would get you the titles he believed were appropriate growing up, very differently from your parents, who only wanted you to read the bible. It felt a lifetime of distance, but moments away. You sighed in relief but a tinge of guilt for making your way into a comfortable life in Jackson while your family had a different fate.

At 7 p.m. sharp you were up on your feet in front of the main door of Alfie’s house, knocking two times on the wood. You could hear from the door muffed voices speaking in a language that you weren’t familiar with, “como estoy? Me veo bien? No quiero que pienses que me arreglé demasiado”, “estás guapo, no te preocupes, invítala pronto!” and some quick steps in your direction.

"Dolly, good evening! How are you?" Alfie greeted you, opening the door and inviting you in.

“Hey, Alfie. All good, where can I put it?” You asked, showing the apple pie. He grinned and made some space at the table for it. Cat was already sitting, waiting for you both. “What’s up, Cat?”

"Not much, and you, Dolly?" she replied, looking at you with thick lashes. "Is that apple pie? Oh man, you got me by the stomach." The teenager looked like her father: hazel eyes, dark hair, and soft features. Her straight hair stopped slightly above her shoulders, with framed bangs the same height as her eyebrows.

"I hope you like my dad's food. Not to be modest, but he is a hell of a chef."

"Is this good or bad?" Alfie asked her, a little confused as you both sat. After 20 years in the USA, he still mixed some words in English.

"What do you think? Good, I'm starving for some of these!" His daughter got your plate, put two quesadillas then served her dad and herself.

The dinner went smoothly, even if you caught Cat trying to make you see Alfie in a better light at some points. She spoke about how he knew his way around the kitchen with more than just Mexican food, his passion for soccer (even if it was mostly long forgotten), about how he was present in the community with the neighbors and such. The teen was pushing you towards her dad, thinking you were unaware of all these traits, but you knew them, it just didn't make you head over heels for the man.

It was late at night when Alfie offered to walk back with you. At first, you declined, but Cat insisted it was bear attack season – nonsense since you lived inside the city walls. Still, her insistency made you accept the offer.

"If I saw right, your plate was empty after dinner." He started to converse with you as you strolled on the pavement. "So, did you like it? The quesadillas?”

“Ah, yeah, quite nice. You were right about it." You smiled and looked down the street, unsure of how to not give him too much hope.

"Whenever you want them, let me know. I’ll always make them for you, Dolly," Alfie said with his eyes shining under the moonlight and soft light of the lamppost.

As you approached your house, he continued speaking about the topics you shared during the evening. You tried to follow up, being polite despite wanting to be quiet. The orange cat jumped from the first-floor window to greet you as they saw you coming closer to the house. Alfie got the cat into his lap and petted his fur, looking straight into your eyes.

"You know, I really like spending time with you. I know I've been a little too on the nose with it, but it is true." He looked at the cat and then back to you, almost as if he couldn't hold your gaze. His voice was a little higher pitched than his usual register, the words faster. "I don't want you to think I will put pressure on you to like me back as I like you. But I would like for you to consider it, even if it is for just a second."

Your mouth opened, but there wasn't a sound, you shut it and pouted a bit. He had spent the last year trying to grab your attention, being nothing but kind to you. And yet, you didn’t feel it back.

"Alfie, tonight was nice." You weren't lying, it has been nice, "but I don't know. Haven't put that much thought on it." You finished looking down at the cat, who was purring in Alfie’s lap.

"Just think about it, would you? I’ll be here no matter if you want me or not," he said softly. You nodded back, smiling lopsided.

Putting the cat down on the pavement, Alfie kissed your check a little too long and walked back to his house. You sighed and straightened your back, wondering what you would do. At that moment, you felt a presence on the other side of the street. Joel was with Tommy, walking by, staring at you.

Had he seen Alfie kissing your cheek? Has he heard the conversation? You weren't sure, but when he quickly looked at his brother when noticed that you stared back, you felt that the ground opening and swallowing you.

You waited for Nath’s commentary after giving her what she wanted.

"Okay, now I need you to convince Alfie to make you more quesadillas so I can have my batch as well," Nath smiled, wiggling her brows. You glared at her. "What? You got a bike, I got a bike. The man wants you so bad that he will do anything you ask, help a friend.”

You had told her about the whole thing, just missing the details about Ellie appearing at the library and Joel watching you with Alfie. Those topics were still a blur in your head, you wanted a little more time before you spoke about it with her. Honestly, you wanted to see more of Joel before making your mind about him.

"I don't want to give the man false hopes," you replied, petting the cat on your lap. Nath snorted.

"It isn't false hopes. He is mental for you, has been since you came to this city! You said yourself, Cat planned the whole evening to make sure you would be closer to her dad. At his point, he just wants whatever you can give," she pondered, giving a big stretch and going straight to your kitchen. When she got back, there were two glasses of cherry wine in her hands.

"I’ll tell you this: you have two cowboys looking for you." She ignored the full glare you made in her direction as you grabbed the glass from her hand, "so why not allow yourself a bit of chase?"

“Fuck it, I will considerer it.” Clicking the glasses, you both made a big gulp. Delicious, Nath’s recipe for wine was one of the backbones of your friendship. "Just no more words about cowboys, okay? No matter what kind, let me have this."

"Yeah, I heard you, man." She said, ignoring you, finishing her glass and walking to your backyard door. "See ya later.”

In the silence of the late afternoon, with the sky once again painted pink and orange, you thought about dark brown eyes and why the idea of him seeing you with another man bothered you so much.

prev | next

[ecargmura]

Pokemon Horizons Episode 18 Review - A Flashback Masterpiece

I’m sorry, Episode 16, you just got dethroned after two weeks of reign. Episode 18 is now the best episode of this anime by far. It’s just an origin story, but the animation and storytelling are so immaculate. It’s almost perfection in a way. It feels like a good closure to the first arc and the beginning to the next possible arc in the Rising Volt Tacklers’ journey.

Liko and Roy are curious about how Captain Pikachu is able to fly in the air, so they team up with Dot to ask Friede about Cap’s origins. He avoids the topic, but with the help of Orla meddling, Friede finally reveals his past with Cap. Once a promising Professor, Friede starts his story jobless and listless. He had no motivation and no drive to do anything after quitting; he spends his days fishing with Ludlow and that didn’t excite him either. One day, he gets a phone call from his old teacher, Lucca (Liko’s mother), who he hasn’t seen since his student days at the Kanto region. Lucca moved to Paldea from Kanto after getting married to Alex. She wonders why he quit his job at the lab. Friede says that he knows everything there is to know about Pokemon, but Lucca sees through his front and points out that he lost his drive. She then asks him to meet up with him the next day at dawn where he is introduced to the Pikachu that will one day become Captain Pikachu. At first, Friede didn’t want to bother with a Pikachu, but after seeing how Cap used Volt Tackle to make a vortex into the sky, he became interested in it. He spends his next days trying to observe and theorize Pikachu’s goals and actions. After befriending him, Friede and Pikachu become partners and the Rising Volt Tacklers came to be.

First off, this backstory was amazing. It played out like a movie! I do like how Friede quitting his job and losing his drive is parallel to a lot of adults trying to find their place in life in the real world. People say that Pokemon is childish or for a general children’s audience (which it is), but having Friede and the Rising Volt Tacklers be adults and have mature motives for their path in life shows that Pokemon isn’t afraid to bring in an older audience as well. It’s like Mollie’s backstory that was told in episode 11 where she quit her job at the Pokemon Center because working there wasn’t fulfilling for her. Friede quit his job because it wasn’t fulfilling for him. I’m sure there are a lot of adults who relate to this; I relate to this myself!

I like how Pikachu was very hostile towards Friede in the beginning of their encounter. It shows off how much of a wild Pokemon he was back then. He was annoyed with Friede and kept tackling him. I think my favorite part of this episode was Pikachu gathering berries and then rushing off to eat them. I think this is one of the rare moments we see Pikachu behave very animal-like. We never saw Ash’s Pikachu as a wild Pokemon as much since most of his screen time was being a captured Pokemon and a pet of sorts. Seeing how Pikachu respected Friede towards the end of the flashback felt realistic because Pikachu knew Friede was always there and it even saved him from falling. In turn, Friede finding drive in Pikachu was understandable. Life is always full of mysteries and finding that one fateful moment can lead to a myriad of opportunities. Pikachu was definitely Friede’s muse in a way.

The animation was very smooth. The scene where Friede and Charizard flew up to the skies next to Pikachu’s vortex flabbergasted me. I never knew OLM Studio could animate this beautifully. This definitely looks like something shown in a Pokemon film or in a smaller mini-series like Twilight Wings. The way everything kept moving throughout the scene, taking a break when they looked beyond the horizon, and then moving again once Pikachu fell was breathtaking. I may not be an animator, but I can see good animation quality!

I do like how Lucca was the reason why Pikachu and Friede got together. Lucca is also the reason why Liko met the Rising Volt Tacklers. The theme of connection is very prevalent for this anime as it is a bond that expands beyond horizons. I cooed over seeing baby Liko in the episode; she’s so cute. I deduce that the flashback might have occurred at least five or six years ago since Liko is most likely ten or eleven at most. The fact that a mere glimpse of seeing Friede over a video call was the stepping stone of her current life is pretty fascinating in itself.

I also liked learning more about the Rising Volt Tacklers. It turns out that Ludlow and Friede were already acquainted with each other. Orla and Friede are also childhood friends with them both being Kantonians but Orla moved to Hoenn. The fact that Friede was requesting Orla to build an airship from Ludlow’s ship meant that he and Ludlow sailed all the way to the Hoenn region from Paldea. That’s determination right there. The fact that Friede, Cap, Orla and Ludlow were the starting members of the Rising Volt Tacklers seems meaningful now.

I love the little cameo of Larry in the restaurant, showing the game canon of him being a regular at that restaurant. Since this was a few years back, I do wonder if Larry is still a Gym Leader five or six years later and still working overtime. Anyways, I do like that this episode had the opening song play towards the end, signifying the closure of one chapter and the start of a new one. There hasn’t been talks or announcements of a new opening or ending song, so I do wonder where the show will go from here. I think this episode was flawless, but what about you? What do you think about this episode?

[nematanthus]

Album Review: amo- Bring Me The Horizon

In collaboration with @arfarfblegh

Release Date:

January 25, 2019

Tracklist:

1. i apologise if you feel something

2. MANTRA

3. nihilist blues (feat. Grimes)

4. in the dark

5. wonderful life (feat. Dani Filth)

6. ouch

7. medicine

8. sugar honey ice & tea

9. why you gotta kick me when i'm down?

10. fresh bruises

11. mother tongue

12. heavy metal (feat. Rahzel)

13. i don't know what to say

Favorite Track:

wonderful life (feat. Dani Filth)

Least favorite track:

in the dark

Album art opinions:

The album cover features an old and worn looking plain CD in a clear bag adorned with red hearts with a torn sticker bearing the albums title. This could be a reference to the band considering this album to be a new beginning of sorts. The blank CD could be anything, contain anything, limitless possibilities, just the same as the bands musical potential. The worn appearance of the whole cover referencing everything the band has done up until now, acknowledging both their history and their infinite possibilities for the future.

Color: 5/10

Recognizability: 4/10

Vibes: 8/10

Total: 6/10

Music opinions/notes:

The band did what the fans feared the most, and made a "pop" album. While this is the furthest the group has strayed away from their deathcore days, they proved that they can sound good no matter what they do. Bringing in lo-fi, trap, beat boxing, and other modern pop and rock sounds. It's also very apparent that Oli is getting more comfortable with his clean singing at this point, since there's very little screaming throughout the album. The artist features also are a nice edition, serving their songs well and making a fantastic experience overall.

Mix: 8/10

Lyrics: 8/10

Instruments: 6/10

Vibes: 8/10

Total: 7/10

Total Score: 7/10

[pinblogsstuff]

What's Next After College?

Recalling my self when I was choosing a college course, it was a distressed stage of my life where I am confused what course should I take for a reason that I can't pursue the course I really wanted which is nursing. I have these questions "What to do now? What course should I take?" to myself. Now that I will be soon graduating from the course I chose three years ago which is Bachelor of Physical Education. I have again these anxiety on what would happen to me after I graduated. What to do next? Should I find and apply for a job? Should I concentrate in reviewing for my licensure examination? Should I go to my father in Manila or should I just stay here in Ilocos? All of these questions on my mind keep on bothering me as two months from now, I will be graduating.

Graduation is approaching, I am facing a bunch of decisions that I need to decide for me to be able to step up. There are lots of pressure on me as I need to be successful because I am the first grandchild who will be finishing college. There is joy inside on me, but my anxiety is prevailing. I don't know what decision should I take. If I apply for a job, I can be able to provide my family financially. Although, I can not concentrate in reviewing for my licensure examination. Going back when I was in my internship, one of the teachers said that when he was also a graduating student, his anxiety was how can he find a job after college. He advised me that one month before the graduation, I should apply in private schools as many as I can. The other teacher added, if I am in the field of teaching, it will also serve as a review for me in taking the exam. In my mind, now that I know and experienced the feeling of being a teacher in my internship, I'm skeptical if I can make it because the preparation of the lesson is time consuming as a result that I can't review well for my licensure examination that's why I am doubting on it. On the other side, if I concentrate in reviewing as I plan to have a self review because I'm not sure if I can enroll in a review center. I will be a burden to my family for months and I don't want that to happen. Maybe I can find other jobs that are related or not related to my course. It would be a challenging stage of my life as I will have lots of competitor looking for job like me. My other anxiety is if should I go to my father's place for better opportunity because I believe that if I widen my horizon, I will have lots of door of opportunities to choose. However, if I choose to stay in my mother's side, I will be forever stuck in a vacuum and I can not fullfil the things I really want. So, which of which? Well, I still don't know what to choose.

To sum it up, graduation can be a stressful period in one's life. But it is an exciting stage in a person's life and it's a big achievement for every students who worked hard for it. Although, most people think of graduation as an exciting and wonderful denotement, many don't recognize the other emotions aroused by this stage of our life. Graduation does not only can bring up feelings of excitement, pride, and hope, but also graduates experience anxiety cause by doubt, loss, discouragement, and fear. All I have to do now is trust the process and pray to God. Whichever path I take, I must be prepared for these and have an idea of how to deal with them for I don't know what will happen tomorrow.

[etrnl-blu-news]

Amo - Bring Me The Horizon

Another album review?! So Soon?! Well... I have too much time on my hands. I've created a more coherent revewing method and format this time around. No more one-liners! We're deep diving! This album was certianly an experience... not what I was expecting! But that's the fun part about going in blind!

2xLP, Translucent Green; 5.5/10 Cats

This album is about love, naturally in relation to the title “Amo” which is “Love” in portuguese (and Spanish, too!). This album was also completely self produced by the band, which is something of note! This was somewhat a reaction to Oli's divorce with his previous wife, and simultaneously a gift to his current partner. I feel like as a general rule of thumb, the more you listen to the songs and read into the meanings of the album, the more that the sound and lyrical content as a whole start to make sense. It’s not exactly my cup of tea, and not exactly something I would listen to on a consistent basis– but I can recognize and appreciate the overall purpose of why this album was made. And also, Oli’s willingness to explore new genres that he’s interested in. After all, art really is just about experimentation and thinking outside of the box. And that’s the importance of genre explorations like this!

 i apologize if you feel something

(3.5/5 Cats) This song serves as an intro to the album, laying out the theme and sound for the next 12 songs. Personally, I really like the instrumentation on the song, it serves as a nice precursor and theme. Love, of course. And love should always welcome you with open arms.

MANTRA

(4/5 Cats) This is one of my top songs on the album. I’m a big fan of the melody, and also the statement piece that is the song itself. It highlights the importance of forming your own opinions and beliefs, and not just blindly following others for the sake of ease. The truth is not always easy, but it will most definitely set you free.

nihilist blues (ft. Grimes) ⭐

(5/5 Cats) Naturally, this is my top song on the album. My first exposure to this song was a live version featuring Courtney LaPlante in the place of Grimes. Well, safe to say I fell in love with it. I’m a big fan of the EDM/rave vibe they had for this song, and I bet hearing this song live (especially in the pit) is so much fun. In my heart, Courtney LaPlante is the real feature… but Grimes’ voice weirdly fits well, despite it all. 

in the dark

(3/5 Cats) This song definitely leans more into the poppy element of the album. So I guess opinion on this song is based mostly on personal preference. But, I do like this song for the lyrical aspect. This song is an angry response piece to a cheater, and generally applies to any partner who may be unloyal or hurtful. Don’t cheat, kids.

wonderful life (ft. Dani Filth)

(3.5/5 Cats) This song is very fun. On the heads and tails of this album, this song definitely leans more towards the classic heavy aspect of BMTH; that being said, it doesn;t stray away from poppy elements, either. Lyrically, this song talks about a guy that hates life, in a very upbeat fashion. Kinda weird. But still cool.

ouch

(3/5 Cats) Transition track, not much to say about it: following the theme of Oli singing about past heartbreak.

medicine

(3/5 Cats) Is that the throne synth?? This song is somewhat of a follow up to ouch, but more clear as to what it’s talking about. I think this song is the best example of half pop/half heavy sound that the album embodies. 

sugar honey ice & tea

(3.5/5) This was the first song I heard off this album. This song is somewhat of a sister to MANTRA, continuing the theme of the importance of appreciating various opinions besides just your own or what is just the most convenient to believe; as well as willful ignorance. 

why you gotta kick me when i’m down

(3/5 Cats) This song talks about Oli’s love/hate relationship with his fans. Like nihilist blues, this song leans more into the electronic and synth aspect of the album. This song, in summary, gives movie trailer vibes. 

fresh bruises

(2.5/5 Cats) Interlude track: not much to say about this one. 

mother tongue

(3/5 Cats) Okay chat I’m gonna be real honest. Musically, this song is definitely not my thing. But that being said, this song lyrically is admittedly adorable and very cheesy. Knowing the reason why the song was made… I can’t help but smile. Oli Sykes I love u. You’re the reason I think true love is still real 

heavy metal (ft. Rahzel)

(3.5/5 Cats) Well, guys, this song is not heavy, nor metal. But that’s just the point, believe it or not! This song is specifically critical of fans who didn’t like the poppy direction BMTH was going in, or were against any sort of experimentation within the genre. And honestly, good on Oli for putting this out there. Especially in the modern age where metal elitists are becoming more annoying, I can appreciate artists who aren’t afraid to put out different genres of music despite pushback. 

i don’t know what to say

(3.5/5 Cats) The album closes out with a lovely tribute song. There's not much I can say about this song, so I highly reccomend just giving it a listen yourself. It is quite beautiful, lyrically.

This album most definitely threw me for a gigantic loop. Researching the meanings of the songs and the controversy surrounding the content was so incredibly interesting. But if it gets you talking, it's done what it's supposed to do! So that concludes this review... next up, we'll be covering Two by Sleep Token!

[can-you-even-anime]

Can You Even Anime

Hiya Everyone! Welcome to Can You Even Anime! Whether you've stumbled upon our site by accident or you're actively seeking out all things anime-related, we're thrilled to have you here. Consider yourself officially invited to join our vibrant community dedicated to everything anime! 

At Can You Even Anime, we're all about spreading the love for this captivating art form and building connections with like-minded fans. So, if you're passionate about anime or simply curious to explore more about this fascinating world, you're at the right place. Prepare to dive into a treasure trove of anime-related content, where you'll find reviews, discussions, recommendations, and so much more. Whether you're a seasoned otaku or just starting your anime journey, there's something here for everyone. Our goal is to spread the joy of anime far and wide!

Whether you're a newcomer or well-versed, the depth of understanding regarding the cultural intricacies of anime can vary significantly, and my aim is not only to assist others in expanding their knowledge but also to embark on a journey of exploration and learning myself. Anime culture, a vibrant tapestry interwoven with creativity, imagination, and passion, originated in Japan and has evolved into a global phenomenon, captivating hearts and minds worldwide while reflecting the essence of Japanese society, values, and traditions.​

One of the defining aspects of anime culture is its diversity. From action-packed shonen series to heartwarming slice-of-life dramas, anime encompasses a wide range of genres and themes, catering to audiences of all ages and interests. This diversity fosters inclusivity and allows individuals from different walks of life to find characters and stories they can relate to.

Moreover, anime culture extends beyond the screen, permeating various aspects of daily life. It inspires fashion trends, influences art styles, and even shapes language with iconic phrases and expressions. Fans often come together at conventions, cosplay events, and online communities to share their love for anime, forging bonds that transcend geographical boundaries.

At its core, anime culture is a celebration of creativity and imagination. It encourages fans to embrace their passions, explore new worlds, and connect with like-minded individuals. Whether you're a casual viewer or a die-hard otaku, anime culture offers a sense of belonging and camaraderie that enriches the experience of being a fan.

Now, you might be wondering, with so much anime content available online, why should you choose our blog? Well, here's why: Sure, you can find similar content elsewhere, but what sets us apart is our unwavering commitment to building a community where every fan feels valued and heard. Here, it's not just about the anime - it's about the people who make up our vibrant community. At Can You Even Anime, you're not just a viewer; you're part of something bigger. Whether you're sharing your thoughts on the latest episodes, recommending hidden gems, or simply connecting with fellow fans who share your passion, this is a place where your voice matters.

In my personal journey, I've found myself somewhat on the edges of the anime community in person. While I've had the opportunity to attend just one anime convention due to the demands of work and personal responsibilities, the brief immersion I experienced left a lasting impression. Despite my limited physical presence within the community, anime has served as a gateway to connect with a diverse array of individuals, each bringing their own unique perspectives and passions to the table.

Through chance encounters and serendipitous conversations, anime has introduced me to a colorful cast of characters both on and off-screen. These interactions have not only fostered the formation of cherished friendships but have also broadened my horizons by exposing me to new anime recommendations and insights into the vibrant subculture that surrounds it.

It is with this intention that I embark on the creation of this blog - Through exploring new series, discussing favorite characters, and reflecting on anime's cultural impact, I aim to connect with like-minded individuals in a meaningful way. This blog isn't just about sharing anime content; it's about fostering a community where mutual respect, creativity, and camaraderie flourish across geographical boundaries.​

Despite occasional challenges that tested my resolve and prompted doubts about my online presence, I'm committed to fostering a positive, inclusive environment. My goal is to create a sanctuary of warmth, respect, and acceptance within this community, where constructive criticism contributes to personal growth. With empathy and transparency, I address negativity assertively, aiming always to uplift and empower each member. This space celebrates authenticity, kindness, and mutual respect, inviting meaningful connections and unwavering support. Together, we embark on a journey of camaraderie and understanding, cherishing every voice and soul in our sanctuary.​

My sincere hope is that you engage with our community in a way that suits you best. While I envision expanding our reach in the future, I invite you to join me on this journey now. Follow and reach out through Instagram, email, and Weebly, where you'll find a parallel space dedicated to our shared interests. On Weebly, you'll discover mirrored content alongside exclusive posts tailored for that platform. Subscribe to our newsletter and interact through comments and messages to stay connected and contribute to our vibrant community.

Why choose Can You Even Anime? Because here, it's not just about watching anime; it's about experiencing it alongside a passionate, dedicated community. I'm excited to envision our community expanding across continents and cultures, fostering growth and camaraderie as we embark on this journey together.

As we delve into new perspectives and insights, I look forward to our interactions becoming integral parts of our daily lives, shaping the direction of our collaborative journey. Your feedback and suggestions inspire me to strive for excellence with each post, fueling my passion for writing and creativity.

So, what are you waiting for? Join us on this anime adventure! Whether you've been here from the start or recently joined, your presence fuels our shared passion for anime. Let's explore together, united by our love for all things anime, as we continue on this exciting journey.

[themusicenthusiast]

Single Review: “wonderful life” by Bring Me the Horizon

The second single from amo (out on January 25th, 2019 via Sony Music Entertainment UK Limited) -- “wonderful life” – continues to showcase the creativity Bring Me the Horizon possesses and just how daring they’re willing be as they put more distance between themselves and the original metalcore sound that was crucial to their early successes. That makes them one of the more intriguing bands currently in existence, due to the fact that breaking a mold you’ve cast yourself in runs the risk of alienating longtime fans; and for those fans who thought their previous record was a vast departure, it seems that this forthcoming one will be even more eclectic. “wonderful life” alone incorporates a plethora of genres, even subtly hinting back to BMTH’s initial sound while also splicing it with some hard and heavy rock and alternative styles as well as a catchy pop tone. In regard to that pop influence, it relies heavily on a synth as well as some programming aspects, the electronic components generating an undeniable vibe that draws the listener in. All of that culminates with the breakdown. Done in the vein of what one might typically hear in EDM or even hip-hop, it still fits with the exuberant display that defines the track. Primal yet polished, it’s teeming with raw power. The use of some horns in the final moment isn’t to be overlooked, either. As out of place as it may sound, upon hearing it, it just sounds so behooving of the track, allowing it to pull off a triumphant, overwhelmingly positive tone as it finishes strong.

The riff that kicks “wonderful life” off is as classic as could be. A hybrid of rock and nu metal, it’s euphoric in a way but also haunting, alluding to the chaos that’s about to unfold; and when the track cuts loose, it makes sure that it’s an all-out assault, being unrelenting for the next four minutes or so. Self-described as being “mostly word vomit” by vocalist and songwriter Oliver Sykes during one interview, the singer also remarked that the lyrics were done freestyle in the studio. At times you can tell that, specifically during the intro where Sykes sounds as if he’s embarking on a train of thought and just seeing where it goes. Other than that, though, as unorganized as some of the lyrics may seem at times, it could be argued that never has such randomness sounded as significant and meaningful as it does during “wonderful life”. From that intro where he is pondering the gradual decay of the brain that begins when people are still just in their twenties Sykes moves on to an array of topics that constantly feel cohesive. In what some could view as being a bit disturbing, he likens his current disposition to that of an infamous killer, at least in regard to the fact that he wears a smile, masking the deeper feelings he’s experiencing from those around him. That’s crucial to the narrative, though, this latest single addressing the multiple feelings often raging within a person. In this instance, that seems to focus on the desire to be home and simultaneously still wanting to go out and enjoy a night on the town, enjoying the former to an extent but also needing to be a part of the action along with not wanting to be fully “domesticated” just yet. There’s a sort of sad irony about the chorus that works in contrast to the song’s title, Sykes proclaiming “Oh, what a wonderful life!” immediately after singing “…Nobody cares if I’m dead or alive…”. However, it’s difficult to discern if it’s meant to be slightly tongue-in-cheek or rather legitimate feelings that have come to be the new normal; and helping to give the track a little something extra is Cradle of Filth's Dani Filth, the vocalist being brought in to spice up the bridge. His throaty growls are absolutely chilling, and brief as his guest spot may be, it is unforgettable. It doesn’t seem that fans will be able to find any middle ground with this new material, either bound to love it or hate it. Nevertheless, it deserves recognition for what it is. And what it is, is Sykes, Matt Kean, Lee Malia, Matt Nicholls and Jordan Fish continuing to redefine themselves as musicians and a band. Thus far with the released singles there’s barely a thread even connecting this to 2015’s That's the Spirit, just proving that when they got to work writing for amo they didn’t have any self-imposed restrictions. Everything was allowed to flow as it may, and the result has been something that wields a universal appeal while also being a bit edgy. Parts of “wonderful life” do sound a bit more mainstream with more commercial undertones, though at other moments, if you listen carefully, there’s no arguing that Bring Me the Horizon is still very much in touch with roots. Whether he’s screaming or singing (in a surprisingly pristine manner in this instance) there’s a constant ferocity about the ever impassioned Sykes; the music casually bridging together genres that typically wouldn’t even be associated together, which just speaks to the artistry of the musicians that they could pull off a massive soundscape like this in such a cohesive way. Personally, “MANTRA” didn’t connect with me that much, but “wonderful life” is a brilliant piece that challenges preconceived notions of what can and can’t work in music. And hopefully BMTH will continue to push that envelope throughout the remaining tracks of amo. Pre-order amo on: iTunes | Google Play | Amazon MP3 Visit Bring Me the Horizon’s websites: Official Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | Youtube Current Shows: 2018 November 5--Stuttgart, Germany--Schleyer-Halle 6--Hamburg, Germany—Sporthalle 8--Berlin, Germany--UFO Im Velodrome 9--Chemnitz, Germany—Messe 10--Vienna, Austria—Stadthalle 12--Zurich, Switzerland--Samsung Hall 13--Milan, Italy—Forum 14--Munich, Germany—Zenith 16--Antwerp, Belgium—Lotto 17--Frankfurt, Germany—Jahrhunderthalle 18--Dusseldorf, Germany--Mitsubishi Electric HALLE 20--Amsterdam, Netherlands--AFAS Live 21--Paris, France--Le Zénith 23--Birmingham, United Kingdom—Arena 24--Leeds, United Kingdom--First Direct Arena 25--Glasgow, United Kingdom--SSE Hydro 27--Cardiff, United Kingdom--Motorpoint Arena 29--London, United Kingdom--Alexandra Palace 30--London, United Kingdom--Alexandra Palace 2019 January 23--Nashville, TN--Nashville Municipal Auditorium 25--Orlando, FL--CFE Arena 26--Atlanta, GA--Coca-Cola Roxy 28--Fairfax, VA--EagleBank Arena 29--Manhattan, NY--Hammerstein Ballroom 30--New York, NY--Hammerstein Ballroom February 1--Boston, MA--Tsongas Center at UMass Lowell 2--Montreal, Canada--Place Bell 4--Detroit, MI--Fillmore Detroit 5--Chicago, IL--Aragon Ballroom 6--Minneapolis, MN—Armory 8--Dallas, TX--South Side Ballroom 9--Houston, TX--Revention Music Center 11--Denver, CO--The Fillmore Auditorium 13--Los Angeles, CA--The Forum 15--Phoenix, AZ--Comerica Theatre 16--Las Vegas, NV--The Joint at Hard Rock Hotel & Casino April 10--Brisbane, Australia--Entertainment Centre 12--Sydney, Australia--Qudos Bank Arena 13--Melbourne, Australia--Rod Laver Arena

[jocantmusic]

BMTH’s amo : full album review - part 1, tracks 1 - 8

1. i apologise if you feel something

i’m going to be honest, the intro electronic part (that also isn’t my favorite. it’s not really catchy (to me, it’s totally okay if you do).

though, i love the change of pace at 1:02.

then jordan and oli both in sync at 1:18.

then 1:46? amazing. the build up is so good. the sort of orchestra in the background makes it sound good.

though, the auto tune kinda kills it. you can’t even recognize it’s oliver’s voice.

overall, i have a mixed opinion on this song. musically (well, i guess i could say more

2. MANTRA

i’ve already reviewed on my main blog. click here for a link to the full review ^_^.

3. nihilist blues ft. Grimes

i’ve also have done reviewing this, click for a link. :3

4. in the dark

dude, this is catchy.

it does sound like every commercial pop song.

but the lil’ itty bitty guitar pieces here and there is so UGH. so good.

the auto tune in the chorus was used may more better. they didn’t overdo it in this song. it’s sort of reminiscent of waterparks’ stuff. they use auto tune to sound new, but it’s used well.

and the heavy guitar parts at the end was a great way to end the song.

and when you think about it, this song is kind of Mr. Brightside 2.0?

i mean not only is the song called “in the dark”, but oliver also says he’s “looking on the brightside now”.

and just the lyrics. 

THE LYRICS.

THE GODDAMN  LYRICS.

THEY’RE SO WELL WRITTEN

LIKE DID YOU LISTEN TO THAT CHORUS LIKE FUCK.

probably one of my favorites of this album. this is really good.

5. wonderful life ft. Dani Filth

okay, i did review this, but i can’t find the post for some reason so i’m going to review it again!!!

okay, not only that i love it because it’s heavier than the rest.

and just the concept of the video.

and jordan with his son eliot is just so cute.

and also dani’s part in the song?

also did you hear that breakdown? and lee hosing down his minibus while he’s at it? this is what i’m talking about.

am i the only person who think the guitar riff is a bit Korn-y? just me> okay.

the heaviest song on the album and well made and produced. i LOVE the video for it and the concept.

6. ouch

musically, again, like “i apologise if you feel something”, i didn’t like it as much.

the electronics are a bit trippy, and the auto tune’s just unnecessary.

oliver has a good voice, i don’t think he needs to cover it up like that.

and i know this is a pop album, it will have auto tune in it, but it was just overdone.

besides that, the lyrics are good.

and the references to “follow you”? amazing.

don’t you just love it when they reference their old songs in a new one?

i know i said i was under your spell but this hex is on another level 

and I know I said you could drag me through hell but I hoped you wouldn’t fuck the devil

like  🤯

7. medicine

i’ve also have done this one, you know the drill, click for a link. >^_^>

8. sugar honey ice & tea

i don’t know how many of you noticed this, but :

Sugar

Honey

Ice 

Tea

yes, it spells out shit. 

“we’re so full of shit”.

clever censorship.

the electronic intro is so cool.

then when the guitars just hit so hard.

the chorus where oli goes “i don’t know...” and his voice goes up high is so UGH .

and the electronics during the bridge too? noice.

and the “sempiternal” undertones in the last chorus too are good.

probably another favorite off this album.

that’s about it for now!

the rest of the review will hopefully drop by saturday. stay tuned if you want to see the rest.

and if some of you even read the whole thing, thank you, wasn’t expecting too many people to make it all the way here 😂.

thanks,

-jo Xx

[sdr2lovemail]

Hello! I really love your five nights at Freddy's security breach works! The roommate breach series is just *chef's kiss*

I was wondering if you are still up for continuing it? Cause I got a request... feel free to ignore this if you aren't up for it. I can totally understand 😁

The request was the reaction of all the animatronics to the reader fixing and bringing back glamrock bonnie and foxy. This takes place after the pizzeria burns down and the reader, in an attempt to find parts to fix chica, Roxy and monty, stumbled across another floor underground and they find the bodies of Foxy and Bonnie (dismantled and broken but not burnt) and don't think about repairing them until they fix the others.

And now that the glamrock crew is alright, the reader goes back to the underground floor and brings Bonnie and foxy to their house to fix them (the other glamrocks don't know that the reader did so and the reader didn't tell them because they were scared of getting their hopes up high for nothing).

Thank you!

Wah, hello! Thank you for the wonderful comments! I'm glad you enjoy my little series I got going! I haven't been consuming much FNAF content as of late. TWST and Splatoon have me in a chokehold. Even so, this was still so much fun to write!

I did finish and review this at like five in the morning. If you see any mistakes, no you didn't.

I hope you enjoy it my friend!

Reader needs some better self preservation skills and should know not to jump right into a sinkhole but it turns out to be worth it to see their new robotic family happy.

You adjust the black surgical mask obscuring your face. Most of the security cameras around have been long since deactivated, though you didn’t want to take any chances.

It was well into the night. Finally having put Gregory to bed you decided it would be the perfect time to head out. Pulling a large backpack from your car’s passenger seat, you pull the hood of your jacket up and get out.

In front of you lies the charred remains of the Mega Pizza Plex. It amazed you that it took this long for it to burn down. You click on your flashlight and head for the rubble. Those robots better be grateful that you’re digging through incredibly dangerous areas for them. Not that they knew you were here, but still.

After a few hours of searching, you were able to procure some new casing, extra spare parts, and best of all a new set of eyes for Roxanne. For the time being, you’ve given her a pair of eyes you had laying around. They were many, many years old. Possibly older than you, but they worked just fine…Mostly.

It will be morning soon, you still haven’t found everything on your list. You still needed new boards for Sun and Moon along with wires for Chica. Perhaps you could come back tomorrow, what you were able to find was plenty for now.

“Thirty more minutes…then I’ll go.” You mutter to yourself.

With the Sun on the horizon, you put your flashlight in your bag. You haphazardly push some rubble around. One particular plank of wood gives you some grief. After battling with the plank it finally gives out, along with the debris surrounding it. You were able to step back just in time, almost falling into the sinkhole.

That’s the fourth time you’ve almost lost your life to a Fazbear Entertainment related incident.

You pull your flashlight out and click it on once again. Even with the stream of light, it wasn’t enough to see into the hole. Who knows what could be down there.

Guess you were going to find out.

Taking a moderately sized rock, you toss it down. After a few seconds there’s a sharp sound. It doesn’t seem to be too far of a drop. The worst that could happen is your ankle giving out. If you die, Gregory can have all your stuff.

Metal beams and planks of charred wood are a makeshift step down. Every bone in your body tells you to go back, but you aren’t listening. You’re too tired to be smart.

You maneuver your way through cracks and crevices, occasionally getting stuck. For a while there’s only been debris, rubble, and an ominous statue of the original Freddy. Along with the occasional rundown generator. It would be great if they were able to turn on again. Then you would actually be able to get some more light. Nothing really peaks your interest so far.

With a huff, you turn to leave. “This was a waste of my time.” You tsk. However you stop when a flickering light suddenly turns on behind you.

Looking back, your eyes widen.

There in bright red, blinking letters read ‘Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Place.’

They built the Pizza Plex on top of the old location?! This violates so many codes and regulations!

A shiver runs down your spine. This definitely felt like a set up.

Wait…Imagine what you could find in there! What if you found some parts to fix the Glamrocks, or even some old relics of the past for your collection.

Taking a deep breath, you open one of the doors. Letting that puff of air out, you speed walk to the next set of doors. There could be anything on the other side. Your heart was pounding in your ears as you opened the door and brace for something to jump at you.

Nothing came.

Looking around, it really was the old establishment. There were tables and chairs strewn about, wires draped here and there. Light fixtures that have fallen over the years. In some corners lay mechanical equipment, like this place has become some makeshift storage unit.

Stepping through the facility, you couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. No matter where you walked it felt like someone was peering directly into you. Like someone, or something, was breathing directly down your neck.

You shine your light around the room. There’s nothing. Perhaps you’re just paranoid.

Most of the doors in the old pizzeria are locked. You make a mental note to come back with a crowbar. What you’re doing is already illegal, why not stack up a few more charges. After testing many, many doors, one finally creaks open. It leads to a dark and dingy room. The air itself feels sticky and wet.

There is little lighting in the room, a dim, flickering emergency light is the only source. Shining your flashlight, you can see the room is covered in cobwebs and a thick layer of dust. Cardboard boxes are piled up high. It feels as if they could collapse at any minute.

You tiptoe through the damp room. Every so often you could hear a wet squelch from underneath your feet. There’s still that looming feeling of being watched, now accompanied by the sharp creaking of metal. Though no matter where you look, there’s nothing. Maybe it was a mistake coming down here.

As you walk deeper into the room, there in the far back is a door. Wiping the thick layer of dust from its sign reveals the words ‘Scrap Storage: Authorized Personnel Only!’ You set your hand on the dirty door knob and take a breath. Twisting your hand, to your surprise, it opens! Shining your light into the room your eyes immediately land on something. “No way…”

There in front of you sit the Glamrock versions of Foxy and Bonnie. Your boss told you they were shipped off to a warehouse. They didn’t tell you the warehouse was right under the Pizza Plex. Their casing has become dull and cracked. In some spots you could see patches of mold. Every part of them has rotted away, unsalvageable.

Walking up to the lifeless body of Foxy you begin to examine him. Hopefully, by some miracle, their A.I chips could still be intact. In his slumped position, it was easy to access his neck. Clicking open the port, out pops the chip. Looking it over it seems to be in one piece. There’s no visible cracks or rusting. Slipping the A.I into your pocket, you do the same to Bonnie. With something this valuable, you should start heading back home now. You spent so much time down here, Gregory’s probably already up. You’ll grab him some breakfast while you’re out.

Too busy thinking about what to get Gregory, you fail to notice the mass of robotic tendrils coming your way. The ever present creaking of metal grows closer and closer. It thinks you’ll make the perfect target. Too wrapped up in your own world to notice your upcoming demise. With you in the doorway, it lunges at you.

Thud!

A loud, crashing slam shakes you from your thoughts. You look back at the recently shut door. Perhaps those boxes finally fell over. Good thing you left just in time. Now to get some food and start blueprinting. Unknowingly to you, that was the fifth instance you almost lost your life to a Fazbear Entertainment related incident.

It wasn’t easy. Building two animatronics from scratch was hard enough. It was amazing that you were even able to do it at all. Keeping it a secret from your seven roommates was even harder.

You put all your blood, sweat, tears, and even more blood into them. You were able to hook up their consciousness into other hardware while you built their bodies. Foxy and Bonnie even seemed to remember you fondly. You offered to bring the others into your workshop for a reunion. Though, you were turned down. They said, no matter how long it takes, they didn’t want their friends to see them like this. It took you a while to get them all repaired, so long that you were able to fix the other Glamrocks. So long that you’ve missed a lot of bonding time with Gregory that you’ll always feel guilty for. All this work was going to be worth it for when you showed the others.

“Alright, you guys can come in now!” You stand in front of a tarp in your workshop. Each of the animatronics and Gregory shuffle in. Once everyone is in attendance you speak up once again. “I know I haven’t been around a lot lately. Which I am very, very sorry for. If what I’m about to show off doesn’t make up for it, I’ll let you guys ask anything of me. Now I-”

“You’re rambling again Techie. Get to the point!”

You sheepishly smile and turn to the tarp. “Right, thank you Roxanne. Without further adieu, I present,” The tarp falls to the ground revealing two very familiar faces. “Tadah! Bonnie and Foxy!”

Silence.

Neither group says anything. Did they not want to see each other? Did you mess up?

“Do you guys not like the surprise? I thought you would..!”

You were abruptly cut off as Chica leapt towards her friends. She brings both of them into a tight embrace. Her voice box produces sobs and static. Following close behind is Freddy grabbing all three into a strong hold. Though not as loud as Chica, a few sniffles could be heard from the bear.

“Aye, enough of the waterworks. Is that anyway to greet an ol’ mate?” Foxy lightheartedly scolds, trying to hide the slight waver in his voice. Though Chica and Freddy can’t do much to stop their cries.

Bonnie, aloof as ever, does not cry. Yet he looks at his friends with eyes of joy and perhaps even adoration. The bunny peers over to Roxy, Monty, and Sun. The three of them all stood to the side. They either felt it wasn’t their place to join or felt they didn’t deserve it. Wordlessly, Bonnie extends his arm out from the hug.

Adjusting his glasses, Monty walks over and slings a single arm into the group. You could almost hear the creaking of his endoskeleton as he’s fully brought in. Bonnie has always been programmed with such incredible strength.

From the corner of your eye, you can see Roxy fiddling with her claws. She has her tail tucked between her legs, both literally and figuratively. You set your hand on her back, feeling her jolt underneath your palm. With a gentle push, you guide her towards the other animatronics. Freeing up one of her arms, Chica eagerly grabs onto her.

Not one to be left out from such displays of affection, Sun quickly jumps in. “Group hug!” Their long limbs were perfect for encasing each and everyone of them.

To the side stood you and Gregory. You pat yourself on the back for such a touching reunion.

“Is this why you missed so many of my soccer games?”

With a bashful chuckle, you set a hand onto Gregory’s head. “Can I buy back your love? We can go to that restaurant you like.”

“Hm, I don’t know you missed a lot of games. I think that’s gonna cost a new video game as well.” This little guilt tripper!

“...Alright, Greg.” You can already hear your wallet weeping.

The joined chatter of the animatronics come to a halt and Foxy breaks away. Using his hook, he lifts up his eyepatch to get a good look at Gregory. “So, my eyes are correct. It be a child! I haven’t seen one since me last voyage. What might your name be, lad?”

The pirate fox begins to entertain Gregory, going on about his adventures and letting him be his new best mate. Sun joins in too, having always wanted to go out on adventures.

You’re pulled away from the adorable moment as the wind is squeezed out of your lungs. Looking behind you, there stands Chica nuzzling her beak into your head. “Oh, I’m so happy! I can’t even begin to thank you enough! You really built them all by yourself? You’re really the one to bring my friends back?”

“It was no problem, really.” That was a lie. Every part of reconstructing them was a problem. “Yes, I did build them from the ground up. While they won’t be as high tech as they used to be, I just wanted to bring them back. It was really hard to keep this a surprise. You would’ve loved seeing me put Bonnie in a wet floor bot.”

A strong, sturdy hand pushed down on your head. “That’s enough, technician.” Bonnie didn’t want anyone knowing of that!

Another set of arms joins Chica in halting your breathing. “Superstar, you did such an amazing job. If there is anything I can do to repay you back for this, I’ll do it. This means so much to us.”

“You can start by letting me breathe…” Freddy and Chica are quick to pull away, apologizing for their rough grip. “I don’t need any thanks you guys. Just seeing you happy is enough for me…but if you really mean it, you guys have been lacking on your chores.”

“If that is what you want, Superstar. I will do them all right now.” Freddy’s large frame begins to walk out of your workshop.

“Freddy, wait! I was just joking!”

Amongst the commotion, Monty comes to a realization. “Wait, wait, wait. Hold it right there, Technician. Did you say Bonnie was in a wet floor bot? Oh, I gotta hear this whole story!” The gator lets out a bellowing laugh as his bunny companion groans.

(Credits to @gal-with-pastels for the wet floor bot Bonnie idea!)

[thelostgirl21]

For those of you still arguing that Kaidan does not outrank Shepard as an Alliance Officer during the Citadel Coup...

...he does.

Actually, being a Staff Commander in ME2, Kaidan Alenko was already outranking Shepard when they met on Horizon.

First, it is important to understand that, while inspired by it, the Human Systems Alliance does not use the exact same ranking system as the U.S. Navy / Marines. [Edit: I've fixed some (hopefully, most!) of the "he/him/himself" pronouns I'd missed the first time around... And that was... like... 90% of the time I was referring to Shepard. *Facepalms* Sorry about that! I'm so used to writing for M!Shep, that I instinctively say "he/him/himself" when referring to them (and my brain does the weird French thing of including the feminine into the masculine while proofreading, apparently!). If you still spot a non gender-neutral pronoun in there, please feel free to let me know.]

Therefore, according to the System’s Alliance’s own ranking system (that can be found in the game’s codex entries; I’ve also added that information at the bottom of this post, with in-game examples) the rank of Major (and, in ME2, Staff Commander) is above that of a Lieutenant Commander (Shepard’s own Alliance military rank) within the Alliance.

It is the rank of an Alliance Captain (Navy), not that of an Alliance [Lieutenant] Commander (Navy & Marines), that is considered as being the equivalent of that of an Alliance Major (Marines).

Meaning that, by the beginning of ME3, Major Alenko has now risen through the ranks to the point where he holds a similar level of responsibility within the Systems Alliance as Captain Anderson used to hold in ME1. At the very beginning of ME1, Captain Anderson was a Navy Captain, and the Commanding Officer (C.O.) of the SSV Normandy.

Lieutenant Commander Shepard was his Executive Officer (X.O.).

And Staff Lieutenant Alenko was head of the ship's Marine detail*

By the beginning of ME3, Major Alenko is now a Marine Major, and the Commanding Officer (C.O.) of the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company, a covert operations unit of the Systems Alliance.

*Note: I just discovered yesterday what “Marine detail” means, and I just have to say Kaidan’s position on the Normandy is ridiculously cool! 

Basically, it’s Kaidan’s job to determine which personnel position, assignment, or duty station each Marine should have on the Normandy.  While basing his decisions on the person’s professional milestones, taking into consideration the Marine’s personal aspirations and stated preferences, considering their marital status / family lives and responsibilities outside of the military, evaluating whether they have the proper qualifications for the job or require further training, looking at performance reviews...

They are described as the Marine’s “advocate”, trying to make sure that not only are they the “best Marine” for what their actual job requires, but that it’s the job that will bring said Marine the greater level of work satisfaction / align with their needs and personal ambitions.

So basically, after Jenkins was KIA at the beginning of ME1, it was Kaidan’s job to find a suitable replacement to take over his duties on the ship.

So, after Shepard wakes up in the medbay, and expresses that they’re glad that Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams was still on the Normandy, because she’s a good soldier that deserves it, and Captain Anderson answers them: “Lieutenant Alenko agrees with you.  THAT’S WHY I added her to our crew.”

He literally means “After seeing her in action, Lieutenant Alenko reviewed her file, checked her qualifications, past performance reviews, family status, her documented professional aspirations and stated preferences, numerous past (denied) applications for a transfer to a shipboard posting, and based on his very own assessment of Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, determined that she was the single best Marine in the System’s Alliance for the open position we now had on the ship.”

I’d always assumed that Kaidan had more or less informally gone “Gunnery Chief Williams was really impressive down there!  Maybe we could use her!”

And Captain Anderson had essentially gone: “Sure!  Why not?  We’ve got an open position.  Let’s keep her!”

But I’d all but forgotten that, with Nihlus dead, there was absolutely no Spectre on board that ship at that point in the story, and they were thus likely bound by the System’s Alliance rules and protocols when it came to handing out assignments to fill the vacant positions available on the Normandy.

It’s therefore highly likely that whoever was in charge of the ship’s Marine detail (in this case, Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko), would have had access to a list of applications of suitable candidates that had expressed an interest in serving on that ship.

And that, whenever there was a position vacancy, or a need to add a new position on the Normandy, then the head of the ship’s detail would have the responsibility of taking a good look at those candidatures, and selecting the very best suited Marine for the job.

As a Spectre, Commander Shepard might have had the level of authority required to spontaneously go: “they followed me home, I’m keeping them!”

But Captain Anderson most certainly did not. And, while he was the Normandy’s C.O. (meaning that he’d likely have the final say on whether or not Ashley got the position)...

Well, the person  officially in charge of finding someone to fill the position left vacant after Jenkin’s passing - after having carefully reviewed Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams candidature against those of other potentially qualified System’s Alliance soldiers - was literally Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko.

And one would assume that the reason why Kaidan got his own position as head of the ship’s Marine detail, would be because he’d be considered as being very proficient at determining whether or not a given soldier is going to be the right fit for their job, and the best asset for their team.

So, when Captain Anderson tells Shepard that the reason he added her to the crew was because Lieutenant Alenko believed she was a good soldier that deserved a position on the Alliance’s most advanced starship, that was because it was Kaidan’s job to make such decisions.

He had to choose which Marine in the System’s Alliance would take over Jenkin’s duties, and he chose Ash.  Kaidan’s the reason Ashley was assigned to Captain Anderson (and later, Commander Shepard)’s ship.  He’s the one that made it happen and allowed her to advance in her career.

Should Commander Shepard have tried to do the same (i.e. be the one to request Gunnery Chief Williams assignation to the Normandy, in a context where Ashley wouldn’t already have been added to the team while they were out cold); then Captain Anderson’s most likely answer would have needed to be: “I’ll let Lieutenant Alenko know about your commendation, but he’s not done reviewing candidatures and making his choice among them yet.“

I don’t understand how anyone can call Kaidan “boring”. He's such a layered, fascinating character...

As he once told Shepard:

“I’m an enigma. I’ve got skills.”

Yes, yes you do... and, over 10 years later, I’m still discovering some skill-sets that you have that I’d never even suspected before!

And boy, am I pissed we'll never get to know about your run in with the vorcha mafia, five thousand credits, and a bottle of whiskey!

Still, no wonder Anderson was so adamant on Major Alenko being the one offered the Command of the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company.

Besides his very own unique history as a L2 and ability to relate to those kids, he apparently has an eye for military talents, and he likely trusted him to be a very good judge of character when it came to assessing whether those young biotics would be a good addition to the Company, and able to handle working with the rest of a team while on high risk missions without needlessly further endangering their teammates.

However, as a Spectre, when operating under Council authority, both Commander Shepard and Major Alenko are no longer bound by the Alliance military’s chain of command.

And it seems that most players do not realize it, but when Captain Anderson stepped down as the SSV Normandy’s C.O., Shepard did not receive a promotion within the Alliance military in terms of overall rank; but exclusively one regarding their position in regards to their assignment.

They went from being the ship’s Executive Officer (X.O.) to the ship’s Commanding Officer (C.O.), but they still remained an Alliance Lieutenant Commander, regardless of the position they held on the SSV Normandy itself.

I’m thus guessing that Shepard dying so shortly after the Battle of the Citadel, had prevented them from being promoted to the rank of Staff Commander (or even Captain / Major).

And then, in all of the investigations surrounding their claims of having been dead for 2 years, brought back to life through Cerberus technology, the time they spend working with them to hunt down the Collectors, Shepard destroying a batarian system (Arrival), the time they spent in detention between ME2 and ME3 after having been stripped of their rank, etc.  Well, I’m guessing the Systems Alliance never thought to offer them a promotion, either.

At the beginning of ME3, the Normandy SR-2 has been recovered by the Alliance, and is intended to be used by Admiral Anderson (who would have become the SR-2′s Commanding Officer).

With Earth and the Alliance Headquarters under Reapers attack, Admiral Anderson chooses to reinstate Commander Shepard’s rank as a Lieutenant Commander within the Systems Alliance instead, and puts them in charge of his ship (thus, stepping down, once more, as the Normandy’s C.O. in favor of Commander Shepard).

Therefore yes, Commander Shepard is not as highly ranked an Alliance Officer as Major Kaidan Alenko is. However, they were given an assignment as the Commanding Officer of the Normandy SR-2 by Admiral Anderson.

Meaning that, after the Citadel Coup, when Commander Shepard offers Major Alenko a position among the Normandy SR-2′s crew, accepting that position means agreeing to recognize, and respect, Shepard’s authority as the ship’s C.O. as well.

Regardless of Kaidan technically becoming the highest ranking Systems Alliance Officer on board the Normandy SR-2, the position as the Normandy’s C.O. was given to Commander Shepard by Admiral Anderson.

So, if Major Alenko has a problem working under the authority of a lesser ranked officer as part of a Lieutenant Commander’s crew, then it is his responsibility to either refuse the offer and request another assignment (something that Kaidan can do in the game, actually - he can be the one to turn down Shepard’s offer), or take it up with Admiral Anderson, to try to request a change in leardership.

What I also find particularly interesting, with how those scenes play out, is that in both versions where Kaidan doesn’t join the Normandy’s crew, he shakes Shepard’s hand, but does not salute them.

Otherwise, after the handshake, when Shepard tells him “Welcome aboard, Major”, Kaidan straightens up and tells them “Aye aye, sir / ma’am” with a military salute, therefore acknowledging Shepard’s position as his new C.O.

Essentially, Major Kaidan Alenko is not bound by rank to obey Commander Shepard’s orders or accept to serve on their ship...

It is only once he CHOOSES to join the Normandy’s crew and take that offered position that there is this obligation for him to respect that Commander Shepard is the acting C.O. of the Normandy, and that they report directly to Admirals Anderson and Hackett.

As a Spectre, they report directly to the Citadel Council.

And so does Kaidan.  I’m guessing that, should he ever wish to leave the Normandy, he’s got the required authority to do so, and would simply need to ask Admiral Anderson or Admiral Hackett for a new assignment.

He may discuss his decision with Commander Shepard first, out of respect.  But I doubt that Commander Shepard could try to force him to stay and continue to work under the Command of a lesser ranked Alliance officer if he wished to leave the ship.

The only known people that could deny his request for a transfer within the Alliance would be either Anderson or Hackett.

And, as a Spectre, he could very well go “yeah, screw this!  I’m out!”

So yeah, his being willing to take orders from Commander Shepard, and join the Normandy as a member of his crew regardless of him being a higher ranked officer in the Systems Alliance, only highlight the amount of trust and respect he has in Commander Shepard’s abilities and leadership.

Knowing Kaidan, he likely values Commander Shepard as his C.O. based on the man’s actual military, leadership, combat qualifications and training, rather than rank.  Not to mention his ability to recognize their more personal, human qualities, how much they care for their crew, and Kaidan’s own willingness to help them share the burden that’s been put on their shoulders.

I think that, in order to gain Kaidan’s respect and have him gladly follow you, you need to use the power you’ve been given by whatever position or status you hold for the benefit of those serving under you, and/or those under your responsibility, rather than try to dominate and overpower others with it.

Kaidan won’t hesitate to call Udina “a bastard” for what he perceives as him “selling them out”, express dissent when a superior officer is out of line, question the motives of those in charge, and often flirt with insubordination.

He’s one of the most NEUTRAL good characters of the series - letting his integrity dictate his actions first and foremost, rather than being strictly and rigidly bound by ranks, rules, or protocols.

His main source of worry, when it comes to Shepard potentially cutting corners, appears to be the price that THEY may have to pay in the aftermath.

He seems more concerned about the Council or the Alliance openly using Shepard as a scapegoat if things go south, and/or disavowing their actions and leaving them without support, rather than over Shepard themselves breaking the law in such a way that they would make innocent people suffer.

I've always seen him as trying to make Shepard understand that they won't let them go down alone with the ship, figuratively (and perhaps event literally speaking... He sure tried in ME2 until Shepard reminded him that the rest of the crew were also in need of his assistance and counting on them to keep them safe) and share the responsibility of the decisions Shepard makes as long as he also supports them.

And yeah, Kaidan did put his own happiness first when it came to breaking the rules of fraternization.

He even says that the galaxy will just keep going and the only thing that will never happen again is them. And that they are what's most important in that moment.

If it wasn't for how very lucidly attached to the Alliance he is (he sees the flaws, but still considers that the Alliance does more good than harm overall, and is proud of being an Alliance soldier / officer), I'd almost have been tempted to put him into chaotic good territory.

He's dedicated to "doing what's right" (the principle of goodness itself) and acting with integrity, but not so much to "honoring human / citadel laws" or even moral codes per say.

His moral code is very much about remaining true to your own ideals and who you are in a way that promotes the greater good, and allows you to be at peace with your actions. And he's seen constantly questioning his perspective of good and wrong in the world, and adapting what acting with integrity truly means to him (for example, when he was trying to come to terms with the fact that Cerberus scientists could also be good people).

So, I very much consider him someone that is more Neutral (chaotic leaning) good, than Neutral (lawful leaning) good.

Rules and institutions need to make sense and serve a useful purpose to him, and avoid getting in the way of him doing what he believes to be right according to his own personal moral compass that no one dictates him but himself. Otherwise, screw the rules!

It may also be good to remember that Spectres have absolutely no command structure.  To prove themselves to the Council, they have to demonstrate both exceptional abilities and self-reliance.  If they thought that Major Kaidan Alenko would be the type to defer to Commander Shepard’s judgment based on seniority and rank alone, I’m guessing the Council never would have agreed to grant him Spectre status in the first place.

Yeah, Councillor Udina was the one that submitted his candidature, but he couldn’t have actually granted him Spectre status without the Asari, Turian, and Salarian Councillors’ approval.

Meaning that they all saw something in his service history that made them go “Yeah, this is a guy that can totally go rogue, disrespect orders, and do whatever must be done for the sake of the greater good of the galactic community if need be.”

People that see him as some sort of “whiny, Alliance lapdog” seem to forget that  we are talking about a 17-year-old kid that continuously got in trouble with Vyrnnus for talking back (to the point where he started punishing the other kids to get to him), found a way to hack communications on the station to secretly contact his parents on Earth, after having been explicitly forbidden to do so, and angrily stood up to Vyrnnus after Vyrnnus crossed a line while bullying more vulnerable than himself.

Commander Vyrnnus taught Kaidan that some would-be leaders only cared about holding power over others, and were not worthy of being respected nor followed.

Major Alenko simply is not someone that can easily be intimidated into obeying orders, and/or be impressed by power or rank.  What will make him “fall in line”, is the belief that the one giving the orders is the very best suited person for the job.

So, when it all come down to it, I’m pretty convinced that he could care less about Shepard “only being a Lieutenant Commander”.

He cares about Shepard doing the right thing, and about being able to trust their leadership and intents more than anything.

And, while Kaidan Alenko may have all the required qualifications and abilities to handle his own command, too...

...this is not what makes him the happiest.

He’s a soldier.  He likes getting his hands dirty.  He likes being right in the center of the action, and making a tangible difference.

My own partner, whose personality often reminds me of Kaidan (or, actually, Kaidan’s personality often reminds me of him!), has been offered countless of times the job of a team supervisor or coordinator in his work as a computer programmer (systems architect).

Sure, it would come with a salary increase and some advantages...

And sure, he’s a rather assertive guy, with a talent for seeing the greater picture, quickly noticing people’s own individual strengths and resources in a team, finding ways to take full advantage of said strengths and resources while organizing the work to complement every skill-sets they have, and thinking about creative solutions to a problem that others might be missing...

But what he loves most about his work is the coding itself.

He’ll gladly offer his input (actually, nothing you do or say will stop him from voicing his opinions, suggestions, and solutions to an issue...  especially if he thinks you’re being inefficient in the way you’re approaching it, and/or overlooking some variables), but the thought of actually being in charge of the whole working team all the frakking time, and having to manage complaints, conflicts, etc. - when his time would better be used in front of the computer, figuring out why something isn’t working properly - is enough to drive him insane.

He has everything it takes to be a good, efficient, more than qualified supervisor and coordinator...

...except the interest and motivation.

The things that make him happiest at the work he does, lie within the programming itself.

Similarly, I very much perceive Kaidan Alenko as being someone that has every required qualifications, skills, and abilities to be in Command of his own ship or his own squad...

...but typically prefers being a soldier, getting out there in the field and doing his work without having to handle what everyone else has to be doing on top of it.

He made an exception for Admiral Anderson by indulging him, and eventually agreeing to assume Command of the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company.  And, from the way he speaks about his students, it seems that the nature of his job, and his ability to connect with what they are going through and nurture their potential as soldiers, fellow “freaks”, and human beings, ended up making that command worthwhile and an overall positive and stimulating experience for him.

This is one of the many reasons why I lament the lack of interaction between Kaidan and Jack.  They are both powerful biotics that were abused in the hopes of getting results and making their powers stronger.  They both share a deep seated hatred of Cerberus.  And they both ended up becoming teachers and mentors to younger generations of human biotics.

Beyond the potential for humor and entertainment, I think it would have been interesting to see how they might have related to each other, talked about their students, shared a few tips, etc.

But otherwise, Kaidan seems to be happiest while doing his own thing (ex: being sent to investigate certain situations for the Alliance / Council), or serving on a ship while using his skills to offer his support to his Commander, rather than being the one in charge of everybody else.

Given how he tends to be more task than ego oriented, I therefore really don’t think that he has any issues following the leadership of a Lieutenant Commander regardless of his own rank.

As long as he can trust Shepard to be a good leader and get things done, he’ll gladly let them assume command.

But during the attack on the Citadel, Commander Shepard is not Major Alenko’s C.O., as Admiral Anderson never officially assigned him to the Normandy, and after they left Earth in a hurry and headed for Mars to retrieve data, he ended up in the hospital.

If we want to argue that Major Kaidan Alenko was showing any kind of disrespect towards Commander Shepard by refusing to stand down in front of a superior officer during the Citadel coup (an argument that’s occasionally been brought up by those that highly disapprove of the confrontation)...

Well, I hate to break this to you, but per Systems Alliance military protocol, Shepard should have been the one to salute Kaidan, not the other way around.

But it simply doesn’t matter either way.

Because that confrontation was not an “Alliance Lieutenant Commander vs Alliance Major” issue.

This was very much “Spectre vs Spectre” issue.

You simply had two highly trained, experienced, and dangerous Spectre operatives that were interacting on absolutely equal footing, outside of the Alliance’s chain of command.

And they both had the exact same objective: Protect the council from Cerberus.

In the end, it all boils down to trust.  And to whether or not Commander Shepard has the required empathy to understand that Kaidan Alenko has every right to be human, to have doubts, to question people’s motives - regardless of how much he loves them - and to be scared to make mistakes based on his personal feelings towards them.

Kaidan (and Ashley) have the most realistic, healthy, and human reactions that one could possibly have to someone being brought back from the dead by a terrorist organization.

On Mars, he wasn’t trying to attack or hurt Shepard.

What he clearly told them was “I’m confused, I’m scared, I do want to trust you, but I don’t know how.  I’ve seen some of the abject horrors of what Cerberus is capable of doing, and the thought that they might have been using you, or are still planning to use you, against the rest of the Galaxy terrifies me.  I need to know it’s really you - that you haven’t been cloned, brainwashed, or they didn’t plant a chip in your head or something -  and I’m at a loss at where to even start.”

(I’m thinking that should they have discovered that Shepard had been altered in some way and/or was being manipulated by Cerberus, but was still in there somewhere, then Kaidan would have wanted to do anything he could to help free them from Cerberus’ grasp, too.)

And he has every right to feel that way, to be afraid, to be concerned, and to express it.

Actually no one owes any of their friends their “blind trust”.

If someone I strongly care about is doing something stupid or I disagree with, I fully reserve the right to oppose their actions and let them know I’m not on board with it.

I can trust that they are a good person and believe in them.  But I can also occasionally distrust their judgment and whether the decisions they are making are the right ones.

So by openly verbalizing his fears and doubts, what Kaidan is actually doing is letting Shepard in.  He’s reaching out for that connection they share, not shutting them down.

He’s almost desperate to try to explain to them how he feels, so they can open the dialogue and start figuring these things out together, rather than remaining alone in their little corner while allowing those fears and doubts to fester and take root.

If Shepard is able to understand that.  If they can reach back towards Kaidan, show interest in getting to know each other again, rebuild trust, and work through those issues, then as I’ve already demonstrated a little while ago, getting Kaidan to stand down is so ridiculously easy it’s almost laughable.

If they do cut themselves off from Kaidan following Mars, and never reach back towards him, then they are allowing all those doubts and fears to keep on growing...  thus leading to tragedy during the coup.

But yeah, anyone reasonably expecting Kaidan to just step aside the moment those doors opened (when he was fully expecting to see Cerberus operatives come out of the elevator shaft) - especially based on supposed “higher ranked offircer superiority” - is having utterly unrealistic expectations regarding Major Alenko’s personality and behavior.

Either they were too quick to dismiss him as whiny and boring, and thus kept him out out of every mission, skipped conversations, and/or quickly rushed through them without really listening and seeking to understand the character...

They are unable to perceive videogame characters as well-rounded people, but are rather exclusively seeking to immerse themselves in some fantasy world where every single person they encounter either automatically adores them or fears their superior power and influence; and those characters are something that should solely exist for their own entertainment (unlike reality, where they can more easily recognize that each of their friends have personal aspirations, opinions, thoughts, careers and dreams that exist entirely outside of themselves; and they never would realistically expect one of said friends to “drop everything” they are doing on the fly in order to blindly follow them into a private jet that’s being borrowed from a well-known right-wing terrorists organization instead).

Or, they literally have a God complex.

----------

Systems Alliance: Military Ranks (Mass Effect)

The Alliance uses a modified version of the ranking system that has been used for hundreds of years. Soldiers are classified into rank-and-file enlisted personal, experienced non-commissioned officers (NCOs), and specially trained officers.

The divide between naval personnel and ground forces (“marines”) is small. Ground units are a specialized branch of the fleet, just as fighter squadrons are. This unity of command is imposed by the futility of fighting without control of orbit; without the navy, any army is pointless. The marines, as a matter of pride, maintain some of their traditional rank titles; for example, marines have Privates and Corporals instead of Servicemen.

In ascending order of responsibility, the ranks of the Alliance are:

ENLISTED

Serviceman 3rd Class/Private 2nd Class

Serviceman 2nd Class/Private 1st Class

Serviceman 1st Class/Corporal

NCOs

Service Chief

Gunnery Chief [ex: Gunnery Chief Williams (ME1)]

Operations Chief [ex: Operations Chief Williams (ME2)]

OFFICERS

2nd Lieutenant

1st Lieutenant

Staff Lieutenant [ex: Lieutenant Alenko (ME1)]

Lieutenant Commander [ex: Commander Shepard (ME1, ME2, ME3),  Commander Williams (ME3)]

Staff Commander [ex: Commander Alenko (ME2)]

Captain/Major [ex: Major Alenko (ME3); Captain Anderson (ME1)]

Rear Admiral/General [ex: Admiral Hackett (ME1)]

Admiral [ex: Admiral Hacket (ME2), Admiral Anderson (ME3)]

Fleet Admiral [ex: Admiral Hackett (ME3)]

[anerdinallherglory]

Approaching Sun (30)

Author’s Note: Happy late Valentine’s Day! Fun note: I actually started A.S. on this very same holiday a couple years back. And I did not expect the length or plot this story has taken at allll. Again, I am sorry this is so late. I am hoping to update a LOT more this summer (only one summer class this time!) Unless I get the new job that I am hoping for (fingers crossed). But if I get this job, my free time to write will really open up for me. So it’s a win-win for this story either way.

Also, I want to especially thank these readers: adarkunicorn, softshelldefence, seafoamsands, hatakeliz, harza4925, peachop, cheese-and-biscuits, epitomeofprocrastination, tamnobela, and andreeastroe. These readers really encouraged me to keep writing this story after I was ready trash and take it off all of its publishing sites. You can thank them this story continues.

To all my reviewers, I seriously love you ALL. I am hoping I will get to a point where I can take a break from student emails and respond to each and every one of your reviews in the future. That will be my new year’s resolution this year! I am going to be better. You are all amazing and bring me so much joy and encouragement.

Pairing: SasuSaku

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29

Chapter 30: A Very Dangerous Game

Sasuke hated Kaguya’s sand dimension even more than he disliked the desert that covered the vast majority of the Land of Wind. This dimension was forever hot despite that the dimension’s otherworldly moon hung low in the dark horizon, a massive orb of blinding white that mirrored the Earth’s moon in exact replica. Sasuke had always felt like the illusion was a reminder of the Otsusuki people, and that Kaguya had designed this dimension to display something that reminded her of home. To Sasuke, the dimension moons eerily reminded him of Kaguya’s pupil-less irises, always watching the spaces that existed between nothing.

Glaring at it in paranoid response, Sasuke, deprived of chakra now, walked toward it slowly and determinedly as a challenge. He would show her exactly how her dimensions were now his domains. The Uchiha decided he would walk freely here because he couldn’t do as he pleased his own world. He wanted to scream curses at that eye-like globe, demanding the Otsusuki show up and take him on now in his weakened state.

“Come on!” he screamed. “All of you! What are you waiting for? Let’s get this over with! I will find you all eventually!” He wanted it done. He wanted this over. He wanted to have a life despite his promise to be the worlds’ sacrifice for peace.

As if to taunt him, Sasuke’s shuffling feet snagged over something in the sand, and he glanced down at his feet in surprise. A ninja’s vest, half-burnt away from acid, displayed itself like a green bearing flag left behind by those who had explored a barren planet. Even though Sasuke had been the only human to ever walk here, Sakura’s old vest that Sasuke had used as a teleport connection between dimensions back when he had been trapped here, always served as a call to his more current jumps. In other words, every time Sasuke had come here over the past couple of years, no matter where he opened the portal, he would always land within a few feet of it.

In the past, he had thought of removing it because it was a painful reminder in many ways. But as he returned consistently to the same spot, Sasuke began to theorize that it had something to do with his ability to travel here. At first, Sasuke believed it was because during teleportation, his path crisscrossed into a connection that had already been created and used before—this was the most likely explanation; his chakra simply wasn’t strong enough to rip a new tear in the fabric of space and time. But as he looked at it now, Sasuke wondered if there was more to it than that. Did emotions tie him to this piece of fabric? And because Sasuke’s friends always existed somewhere in the back of his mind, did his chakra seek it out as something familiar to secure itself to before flinging him through the vacuum of nothingness?

Sasuke glared back at the moon in hatred, wondering too, if it could be just a sick part of Kaguya’s illusions, knowing that the vest had in the past and always, always would continue to stop the Uchiha in his tracks. A temptation reminding him of a different life, one that would cause him to ignore the Otsusuki. Kaguya would want that.

He sat down beside it despite how much he wanted to turn and walk away from it as he always had. This time, he let it be his beacon out of the void, drawing some sort of strength from it in his chakra-deprived state. The whole point of being this exhausted was to avoid thinking of her, but the tattered shinobi vest always pricked him with guilt, especially now when he had left her alone in Sunagakure despite his promises of partnership. It was as if the green material had a voice of its own, saying “See how far she would go for you?” And Sasuke, keeping his thoughts private from the ever-watching rock above, would think to himself “I am doing this for her, too. She will understand eventually. She will accept just how far I am willing to go for this peace we both envision. We have the same goal.”

As Sasuke thought these thoughts again, Sasuke accepted that if they couldn’t be united in love, then at the very least, they would be united in the same goal, the same vision of happiness. It comforted him ever so slightly.

He sighed as he fingered the chakra pills at his waist, guilt invading his chest and suffocating him. How could he tell her his true feelings and make her accept what he was willing to accept? How could he satisfy the both of them and do the least damage?

Sasuke exhaled and leaned back in the sand once more to sleep, sweat beading across his brow in the high temperature. He turned on his side and faced the vest in exhaustion, pretending it was her—pretending to be satisfied with this small piece of the woman he loved and would ever allow himself to dream this close to.

. . . . . . . . . . .

The blackness pervaded all of Sakura’s senses as soon as her feet hit the ground opposite the giant hole she had just created in the sand. She blinked hard, hearing the cursing and alarmed proclamations of those she had attacked. The darkness was like a leaden mist before her eyes and Sakura instinctively created the sign of “release” for genjutsu. And whether it was from her lack of chakra, or because this was a ninjutsu, Sakura’s attempts yielded zero results. The blackness remained and blinded her past several inches in front of her face. When she heard Isao’s shout for her, she had no choice but to dart forward blindly, determined to reach him before someone else did.

“Let go of me!” the child screamed, his pursuer unfortunately catching up with him. Sakura navigated through the pillars of sand-dripping earth that now projected themselves in the air around her. With hands outstretched, she cursed herself. The blow had meant to disorient her opponents and it had, but this damn thickening darkness made it difficult to move forward through the landscape of her own destruction. Thankfully, the waterfalling crumble of sand masked her rushed footfalls.

The kunoichi drew upon her chakra once more, but it came as slowly as before, the medicine still lingering in her system with its toxic chakra clotting effects. Sakura moved hurriedly ahead, hoping that she wasn’t the only one choked with darkness.

Isao’s curses came and Sakura finally rounded a huge boulder to find herself facing the back of the thug’s head. He had his massive hands around the child’s throat, weapon tossed aside in favor of a crueler death to the victim that had caused him so much trouble. Despite his struggle for his life, Isao made eye contact with her the moment they were close enough to see each other. His attacker saw recognition register in the boy’s eyes and spun to face her. But it was too late. Sakura’s kunai was slicing the gray flesh of his throat before he even had time to see her, a final blow that had been delayed from earlier, but determined by fate to be his cause of death. The brutish ninja dropped to the ground instantly and Sakura justified the blood that pooled freely at her feet by remembering his cruel actions to the child that struggled to catch his breath before her.

Sakura picked up the abandoned weapon, the weight unfamiliar in her hands. The sound of the man’s death had betrayed her position, and the footsteps of his companions crunched closer to her location. Terrified, Sakura clutched the child, pushing him behind the jagged column of rock behind her.

“Isao,” she pleaded in a whisper. “You have to make a run for it.”

“I won’t leave you,” he declared, determined to fight to his death for her.

“The only thing you can do for me now is to go get help,” she said honestly. It was a half-truth. There were only a few realities before them, and Isao making it back to the village and bringing help was not likely due to how much time it would take. But Sakura was desperate to remove the brave child from the scenario. She cared too much to let him sacrifice himself for her.

“Miss—” he protested, but Sakura propelled him forward in the blinding darkness, an enemy’s footsteps rounding the earth that cloaked him. It was too late to argue, and Sakura turned to face the phantom-man who stepped toward her in visibility, shadows curling around him as he cleared a path through the inky mist.

Sakura faced him squarely, taking a defensive stance and raising the wicked katana with her sharper green eyes, sending a stare to him along the metal’s surface. The shadow-wielding ninja smirked and the rest of his crew appeared beside him.

“Go!” she screamed in final command at the child whose feet took off into the black at her back.

Sakura brandished the sword in confident threat at her attackers, herself serving as the shield between herself and Isao; they wouldn’t move an inch in pursuit of his direction if she had anything to do with it. Sakura had never wielded a sword before, but in the absence of chakra, she would become a master at it in this moment. Sakura was a kunoichi, a medic, a chakra control master, the pupil of a legendary Sanin, a rising legend herself, and today, she would add something else to her list. Scratch that. She would two things tonight: she would eradicate this new movement of anti-peace revolutionaries, and she would do it at disadvantage with the weapon of her enemy.

. . . . . . . .

As Isao ran, he clutched his side in pain, a sharp stab in his waist. The man who Sakura had killed moments before must have broken one of his ribs as he crushed Isao to the ground. At first, the young ninja pitched forward in blackness, half-debating to turn back to help the pink-haired ninja. But Isao knew the truth. He had been foolish to pursue her and her kidnappers alone and he cursed himself for his rash decisions in his fear of losing sight of them; he should have told someone else even if he lost their trail. Any of them, anyone at allwould have been better help to Miss Haruno than he had been.

Isao’s bravery amounted to nothing and it was evident in every piercing word from the medic kunoichi: The only thing you can do for me now is to go get help … Isao let the command fuel him forward despite the pain, until the night faded into morning hours later and the mighty walls of the Sand Village came into view.

He didn’t know how much time had passed and he didn’t wait to scream for help. The Kazekage was not in the village—he had overheard that much. Neither was the teammate that traveled with Miss Haruno. He yelled the only name he could think of, the name his heart still cried out to despite how much he hated him. The roaring sand shrouded his cries, and the prison walls would buffer it completely, but Isao begged to the air, shouting over and over, “FATHER! HELP ME!”

. . . . . . . .

The taste of the chakra pill was bitter, smoky and acrid. The Uchiha almost gagged trying to swallow it down, and he silently confirmed that Sai had been right—although Sasuke hated to agree with anything his entitled replacement said. What had he called them? Mudballs? Despite the accurate term, Sasuke feared his kunoichi companion more than he hated the taste, so he would keep the complaint to himself.

The pill pooled in his stomach and Sasuke took a breath, focusing on the ignition starting in his core. The rush of power was exhilarating as it topped off his chakra supply, overflowing visibly in a blue-purple halo around him. It sizzled along his skin and Sasuke grinned wickedly as a spiraling vortex appeared before him, much larger than any he had been able to create on his own before.

This was it! It was working! He pushed beyond the core dimension easily, his ready supply of chakra speedily fueling the tunnel between the void, but it ate and ate away at his energy and the color disappeared from his skin. Running off his own meager supply now, Sasuke exhaled and grinded his teeth in concentration. Finally, the connection was made and Sasuke threw himself through it.

He landed roughly, skidding to a halt, and he was ironically thankful for once for the Land of Wind’s high volume of sand. Sasuke found himself smirking up at the lightening sky as he recovered, because this was his first victory in a long struggle of jumping dimensions. To the Uchiha, it was proof that he was doing exactly what he was meant to do: beat Kaguya and the Otsusuki clan at their own game in their own territory. Giddy in his success, Sasuke used the last of his dwindling energy to rise to his feet, his thoughts immediately turning to the woman who had helped make this all possible—he hadn’t achieved this on his own; Sakura deserved the credit. And it was the first time that Sasuke could admit that he needed someone else’s help in his goal.

The dark walls of Sunagakure cut the bright morning horizon in half and Sasuke’s gut twisted in a combination of emptiness and guilt at the thought of returning to Sunagakure to face his friend after their… kiss. Sasuke was torn between finding her immediately to tell her that their plan had worked, pretending the kiss never happened in typical Uchiha fashion. But the time he had stolen away from her “to think” brought him to only one conclusion: he needed to apologize—again—and at least explain why. He had made her a promise to be a partner that depended on each other, and here Sakura was continuing to keep that promise, while Sasuke stole moments of happiness and bailed when he had to face the consequences. Suddenly remembering their sunset conversation the last time he had returned after leaving, Sasuke felt a fresh stab to his consciousness as he recalled her statement: “a part of partnership is communication.”

Sasuke slowly made his way toward the village gates. When he passed through the canyon-like entrance, people greeted him with “good mornings” while others stared openly at him. Their gazes were a little different, warmer, and Sasuke wondered if his teammate’s influence in the hospital had something to do with his newreception in Sunagakure now.

Feeling even more ashamed, Sasuke resolved himself for his female companion’s wrath and made a straight line for the hospital.

When he entered the hospital’s double doors, Sasuke came upon a scene that made his stomach drop into his feet. Kankuro, who was haggard from exhaustion, and had apparently returned sometime in the night, was fisting the collar of a hospital staff member.

“What do you mean they’re not here?” he bristled. “If she’s not in her rooms, then she should be here. Where’s Mako? Where’s the kid?”

“I don’t know sir,” came the panicked response from the employee, terrified to be facing the Kazekage’s right-hand man. “I’m sure they’re in the village somewhere.”

Hearing those words had Sasuke acting before thinking and the Uchiha rushed forward to fist the shirt of the same medic. “Are you talking about Sakura?” His eyes darted between the both of them and Kankuro’s grip released from the startled staff’s shirt in the same moment he shoved Sasuke’s own hand away.

“Where the hell have you been?” Kankuro accused icily, and a fire Sasuke didn’t even know he had left in him, surged from his throat in anger.

“What the hell is happening?” he demanded, taking another step toward the puppet wielder.

Kankuro pinched his nose in frustration, then beheld him in shock. “You mean Sakura isn’t with you?”

Sasuke eyes widened in immediate response, an answer refusing to form on his lips. Instead, he shouted, “You don’t know where she is?!”

Kankuro frowned deeper at his sudden animosity. “She hasn’t been seen since yesterday morning,” he explained quickly. “The innkeeper said she never came back to the inn. Mako, another medic, and Sakura’s young patient are missing too.”

Sasuke didn’t wait for any further explanation before he began sprinting up the stairs to the second floor of the hospital, the filter for his behavior now completely removed. Let everyone think what they want! That bastard! When Sasuke got ahold of Mako, he wasn’t sure what he would do. Sasuke’s feet were unusually heavy and his breath labored as he continued climbing to the third floor toward the medicine preparation room they had occupied together only recently.

“Sakura?!” He kicked open the door and furiously searched the vacant room with his eyes. After seeing no one, Sasuke stared at the empty couch where they had sat so close to one another the night before last. As if his memory of her there could recall her, Sasuke gazed openly at it, breathing hard.

Having followed the Uchiha, Kankuro appeared in the door behind him. “We’ve already checked the hospital. She isn’t here. We need to check the rest of the village, quickly!”

She couldn’t be missing. Was she really with that assistant of hers or that child?  Were they off somewhere else doing something medical, or were they truly missing? Shit. Shit. Shit.

He turned on Kankuro in his unnerved rage. Sasuke wanted to demand where they had been, he and the Kazekage, but Sasuke remembered that Sakura had told him that they were investigating trouble near the border. He cursed himself again for being selfish and leaving her here alone.

As if reading his thoughts, Kankuro explained, “I was sent back by the Kazekage in the night. He is handling a situation regarding the ninja Sakura said ambushed you both in Tanigakure. The incidents were apparently related.”

“What do you mean?” Sasuke suddenly asked, a deep and cutting sensation coming over Sasuke that he hadn’t felt in a very, very long time: fear.

Kankuro looked down and away from him, debating on how much to reveal. “With some unmentionable methods, we were finally able to find out who their target was,” he finally informed with a sigh. His eyes rose to meet Sasuke’s and the Uchiha saw the same raw fear mirrored in Kankuro’s eyes. “It’s Sakura.”

At the very moment that Sasuke’s knees felt like collapsing beneath his weight, the same staff member that the two ninja had threatened seconds before, came running into the room, panting heavily from having hiked the floors.

“Come quickly,” he urged between breaths, turning immediately to run back down the steps. “Isao has returned.”  

Kankuro made eye contact with the Uchiha before they both bolted back down the stairs, taking two and three steps at time. Sasuke cursed his lack of chakra that kept him from just teleporting downstairs.

Sitting in a chair, the child clutched his side. Sasuke noticed that he kept trying to rise, but the staff held him down as they tried to bandage a wound on his arm. Deep purple finger marks circled around the child’s neck like a collar.

“Not me! Her! Go find her, please!” he shouted as he struggled against them.

“Calm down boy,” a woman medic urged. “We have to staunch the flow of blood from your arm.” The child looked at his wound as if he didn’t even know it had been there.

When Isao caught sight of Sasuke and Kankuro, he started to cry. “HELP! Please help!” he shouted, and they quickly moved to hover over the child. Kankuro suddenly kneeled before him, taking the gauze from the medic and wrapped the child’s arm himself as he questioned.

“Speak kid,” Kankuro urged, “What is going on?”

“Miss Haruno,” he choked between tears. “She’s still out there! Please, we have to go!”

Before Kankuro could ask the child why, Sasuke did something appalling, an act that Sakura would be disappointed in him for. His sharingan flashed bright, soaking up the last of his chakra like a sponge, and he caught the panicked child’s stare in his own crimson and purple one.

Just as he had to Isao’s father, Sasuke stepped into the child’s memories. Isao’s recollections were almost too overwhelming for Sasuke to handle at the moment, each image dripping with the fear in which young ones saw the ninja world. There was also bravery in them and familial concern for the pink-haired kunoichi. Sasuke skipped through the memories like speeding up a film, an act that made his head throb in pain. He didn’t care about his own state at the moment though, seeking the green-eyed face of the woman he had come to love.

There. Isao’s most recent memory Sakura was of her telling him “to go get help.” Sasuke didn’t have time to go back further and he let the memories play out from that point, mapping the child’s nighttime desert sprint, hours long, from the empty desert back to the gates of the village.

Not needing to explore the child’s mind further, he released Isao and they both gasped. Sasuke clutched his eye, ignoring the angry glare on Kankuro’s face. He didn’t care about Kankuro’s morals or even the child’s shocked state at that moment. There was only one thing he cared about. He would let the child explain the details to Kankuro; Sasuke didn’t have the time to explain things to Kankuro. Instead, the Uchiha did the unthinkable, playing the very dangerous game of popping another chakra pill into his mouth as he sprinted out the hospital doors.

.

.

[destielfanfic]

My First Destiel Fic, vol.2

Thank you guys for sharing your memories! My First Destiel Fic is a nostalgic survey open to any destiel fan and has a simple goal - to celebrate fics that were our gateway into a wonderful world of destiel shipping. Thank you, fic writers, you are our heroes!

from @clio-philyra

Hello! For the first Destiel fic post 😊

The first Destiel fic I bookmarked the was the Forth Wall series by Entanglednow, which is lovely and funny. I first started watching the show in 2013 (end of season 7 on UK tv I think?). The first Destiel fics that made me really fall in love with them were probably All Things Shining by askance and standbyme (which is one of my favourite things I’ve ever read - fic or otherwise) and the Holy!Dean series by bunnymaccool.

This is a great idea btw! 😊

All fic titles link directly to the fic, when it’s possible, we have added another link to our review or submitted rec post. 

The Fourth Wall series by entangled_now [M, 40,000 word count, 15 works, posted 2009-10] (our review)

No summary by the author for all work. 15 separate stories in chronological order about Dean, Sam, and Cas discovering the wonders of destiel fan fiction. Ratings vary between T and M, with only one story rated NC-17 and even then it is only the discussion of sex in fanfic.

All Things Shining by askance & standbyme [NC-17, 142,000 word count, posted 2013] (our review)

Something in the world is waking up. It isn’t long before it’s brought to the attention of the Winchesters and Castiel: miracles are spreading across the country, the paranormal seems to be shrinking back on itself—and it all has something to do with the missing prayer book of a traveling preacher who died over a century ago. Dean is convinced it’s all the lead-up to another Apocalypse; Sam and Castiel aren’t so sure. Regardless, it sends them out on a less-than-typical road-trip, following the Mississippi and remnants of a very old story that seems increasingly to call to them. And along the way the trio learn much more about themselves—and the consequences and origins of love—than they’d ever have anticipated.

Holy!Dean Verse by bunnycaccool [NC-17, 120,300 word count, 5 works, posted 2012-15] (our review)

(from part 1)  Dean Winchester has grown used to God dicking around in his life the last couple years. But this crap? This takes the CAKE … or pie, rather. Now he’s been thrown a whole new curve-ball. The kind that has ended the Civil War in Heaven … but resulted in Raphael taking over, and hunting for Dean’s ass on a silver platter. Not to mention dealing with Balthazar acting like a self-righteous prick, Sam having some big damn epiphany on his big brother’s sexuality, and Cas eying him up like he’s the world’s juiciest cheeseburger. All that mixed with the chance to fix it all and set everything to rights … but only if Dean is willing to sacrifice himself. Again. Seriously, if he ever meets that bastard God he’s gonna- … oh hey, Chuck! What are you doing here?

from @foxymoley

The first fic I read was All Things Shining by askance and the first fic I did fanart for was A Little Inspiration by Nadiahart. I found the former when I googled free fiction for kindle (I was on maternity leave and bored!) and fell into a Destiel fic rabbit hole. I then did the art for the latter and accidently met the author via a Destiel discord server (a fellow Angel in Profound Bond 😍) and now she's one of my best friends! I squeed, she squeed, we all squeed.

My life full of these two dumbasses hasn't been the same since. ♥

A Little Inspiration by NadiaHart [T, 3,500 word count, posted 2017]

This was it, it was perfect. Exactly what he needed for his final project. Castiel ripped the page out of the campus life newspaper, tossed his paint brushes back into their cup and raced out of his studio. Checking his watch as he rounded the quad, if he hurried he’d be just in time to catch Dean. Sure enough Dean was exiting the gymnasium still in his baseball uniform as Castiel staggered to a halt in front of him. “Woah, Cas, what’s up man?” Dean asked as he helped Castiel back up from where he was hunched over gripping his knees and panting for air. “D...Dean, I-- I--it's perfect.” He gasped holding out the clipping towards Dean.

from @unforth

My first Destiel fic was Bring it On Home by thecouchcarrot. It was S8 and I'd finally "seen" Destiel (after watching since s4) so I went to a friend I knew shipped it and asked her what I should read first, and that was her recommendation. Once I saw what fanfic could be, and what joy an AU could bring? I've never looked back!!

Bring It On Home by thecouchcarrot [M, 41,000 word count, posted 2011] (our review)

Dean the Sales Rep just moved into the neighborhood, and his new neighbor is a possibly crazy shut-in. Wait - make that definitely crazy.

from @ltleflrt

My first Destiel fic was Real Slick Dean by Trilliath, and it was also the event horizon fic that dragged me into fandom in S8. It was written by a friend, but I put off reading it for a few months because I knew I'd never look back at my old fandoms, and I was right. It was also my first omegaverse, so it opened 2 new worlds for me. I was already in love with the ship before I read the fic because I started watching in s6, but I didn't know there was a Destiel fandom. I was a real newbie :)

Real Slick Dean by trilliath [NC-17, 28,500 word count, posted 2013] (submitted rec post)

There’s a new alpha enhancer drug “Rutter” on the streets that gets used at “exclusive parties” for the worst purposes. Detective Castiel Novak and his partner Balthazar work hard to put a stop to it and other sex crimes in their work as Special Victim’s top detectives. Ellen Harvelle’s Roadhouse is both a bar and a refuge for unmated Omegas. The Roadhouse gives Omegas the opportunity have their heats in peace and, if they so desire, even sell an ‘exclusive supply of high-grade slick for the unmated Alpha on the go!’.Castiel is just such an Alpha, career oriented and having no time for casual sex or potential mates. He’s a regular customer who only buys donor D347’s slick. He’s also a family friend and advocate who helps Omegas in need get connected with Ellen. It’s all fine until one night after a difficult bust he brings Ellen a new Omega about to have her first heat. What Alpha Castiel doesn’t realize is that he’s been over-dosed with Rutter during the fight and is about to go into a rut so bad he may die. And if that weren’t enough to kill him, the embarrassment he’s about to feel will, because he’s about to meet donor D347 face to face and neither of them are prepared for what’s going to happen.

If you enjoyed the fic, please drop by the archive (AO3) and let the author know with your comments and/or kudos! And if you found our recs useful, let us know by Liking and/or Reblogging our posts!

You can find all My First Destiel Fic posts under this tag!

[popculturebuffet]

Of Moons, Millionares and Mothers Part 2: The Ballad of Duke Balloney or “I’m Flintheart Glomgold and I Always Will Be!” (Commission for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people. I”m Jake, I review stuff and today continues my look at Ducktales season 2 story arcs, of Moons, Millionares and Mothers. And while this arc as a whole is paid for by WeirdKev27, due to the Arc’s length, 17 parts including 15 episodes and 6 comics (2 of which will be in the same review), this one’s special as he’s using his patreon review every month to do so. If you too want me to review something of your choice simply hit up my ask box or join my patreon at patreon.com/popculture buffet. You get access to my discord, to pick a short when I do a group of them for characters birthdays, help me hit neat stretch goals like my next which is reviewing a darkwing duck episode a month, and best of all EXCLUSIVE REVIEWS. And I just added one this saturday of a carl barks story centerting around wigs, legal battles and attempted murder, both by our villian.. and by our heroes...

I will never get tired of that panel nor the boys inexplicably finding a blowgun. Point is it’s there if you want it at THIS LINK, but enough plugging so I can help pay the streaming bills and keep doing this... let’s get to the meat of things shall we?

This episode begins the second arc of this retrospective, The Glomgold Arc. And this arc was inevitibly going to come to this blog for two reasons. The first is that I have made no secret, in fact i’ve shouted it as loud as I can the neighbors are concerned, that I fucking love the 2017 Version of Flintheart Glomgold. 

Glomgold is Keith Ferguson’s best role, tied with Lord Hater obviously, but it is indeed a tie. No one but Keith could’ve pulled off glomgold’s combination of ego, ham, and batshit insanity. He just makes the utterly stupid and wonderfully ludicrious things that come out of the mans mouth sound so damn natural with such an unearned confidence. It’s very clear that Frank had Keith in mind when putting this version of everyone’s faviorite South African Billionare pretending to be a Scottish Billionare and wisely built the characcter around him and his immense talent. I was not familiar with Keith at all, wasn’t even aware he voiced hater before this show but damn if that hasn’t fully changed. 

Glomgold was also just in general a brilliant update of the character: While I know a lot of duck fans weren’t happy with this version at least at first. As the action figure sitting on my shelf that once road in a car with my david hasslehoff baywatch funko pop I have entirley due to my love of baywatching,  this insane music video hoff did in the early 2000′s, and just in general how gloriously rediculous the man’s life is when you stop and think about it for a second from a pay per-view concert that ended up falling on the same night as The OJ Chase,  to his kung fury cameo , to his weird insetence they never had sex on baywatch desspite mounds of video evdience and the fact the show was buit around the bulk of it’s cast’s sex appeal, to the fact the model of his pecs used for the spongebob movie was sold in an auction and on and on... I was going somewhere with this...

Oh right as the action figure, and previous praise, shows I am not one of these fans: The original isn’t bad, in fact one of my faviorite life and times chapters that i’ll be covering this week and talking about later in the review has him as the main antagonist and a pitvitol figure in Scrooge’s life in the worst way possible. Rosa GETS what’s needed for Flinty to feel specail: to have him be an evil mirror to scrooge, what he could’ve been had he kept down the path he started down in Africa. A ruthless, amoral asshole who will do ANYTHING to get rich. 

It’s just often that isn’t emphasised enough and he’s instead just another one of the millions of generic assholes trying to get scrooges money sometimes with hired goons...

Not only that but Frank really COULDN’T have him at full effectivness. See an arch enemy in the Silver Age, which STARTED the same year Glomgold Debuted no less, wasn’t a big deal. They were still considered your deadliest foe but they’d often, much like Flinty be shuffled into the rogues gallery, show up for an issue to meance the hero, then either escape, get thrown in jail only to escape from that easily later, or be presumed dead. The last one I bring up because it happened to Magneto a LOTTTT pre-claremont. For Fuck’s Sake Charles have those teenagers train to look for a body once in a while!

Original Flinty was built for that, and brilliantly so as Barks had a talent for it , as seen by the fact The Beagle BOys, Flintheart and Magica have stuck around ever since and even in comics overseas where Flintehart is replaced.. it’s by Rockerduck who Barks ALSO created. The 87 Show followed the same formula, which was just as standard for 80′s cartoons. It’s why Megatron took until his toy was canceled the movie to shoot starscream in the face. 

The problem is villians evolved and the expecation became more that a true arch enemy had to be a true threat. While Frank and Matt COULD’VE made Flintheart a real and honest threat, he also would’ve had to make him a Big Bad. The probelm was those seats were clearly taken: while i’m pretty sure some ideas came as they went, the main story beats were clearly planned out well in advance: Webby being a clone was always the plan, as was FOWL, Darkwing being a fan of a fictional Darkwing who became the real thing, and Della being on the moon. So he presumibly carefully choose each season’s big bad... and thus Season’s 1-3 would be full up wise. Season 1 had Magica, who he made into a TRUE threat, yet left the door open for her to return as she did, Season 2 had Lunaris who even if they hadn’t fully thought him up, they probably had thought up the moonvasion, and Season 3 was what they’d built the series towards with FOWL. 

Details probably changed, it’s very clear to me they were likely going to have all three buzzards be important and ended up deicding to pivot to it just being Bradford over time. But given how well they though tout the general framework, I highly doubt Flinty was ever considered as a seirous big bad.. and I know i’m saying this in an arc that tried to set him up as one, but i’m getting there simmer. 

So they could wait for a season 4 that might not happen.. or make him a recurring villian. So Frank and Matt decided to do that and leaned into comedy. Centering him around keith who Frank worked with previously on Wonder and thus knew he could play a hammy manchild like no one else, they simply leaned into the goofier aspects of his personality. His being similar to scrooge became him being an intentional and blatant knockoff. As Scrooge himself perfectly summed up in episode 1 “The poor man’s version of me.. which to be fair still makes him insanely rich”. 

It’s another reason to really love this version as while yes, they did make him a bafoon.. he’s a wonderfully, redicuously layered bafoon: He still contrasts scrooge perfectly, manically hammy to Scrooge being calm, especially around flinty, blantatly crooked to Scrooge’s died in wool honesty, and wasting money on revenge instead of spending it on his actual company. There’s more obviously but some i’m saving for the review. 

Not only that but his insane schemery has a rhyme and reason to it: He attacks Scrooge every week like the saturday morning cartoon villian he is, but his schemes are always unwieldly and massively stupid, and he always goes with the first draft. It’s something the team enforced: the first version is what they role with because that’s how his sad brain works. He also is obssed with sharks and explosives, the former being given a suprisingly heartfelt and unsuprisingly insanne origin story towards the series end, and works them into every plot no matter how much itm akes no sense. He’s pure ego, pure stupid and pure fun. 

So yeah circling back to him being the big bad, I felt he was made one for this season for two reasons: the first is while a lot of fans (raises hand) enjoyed this version, some didn’t like how inept he was, so this would give them a breif bit of Flintheart being a genuine threat again. The other was frankly... they didn’t want to play their hand. Lunaris WAS the big bad... but fans would get supscious if there was seemingly no true threat on the horizon. Magica popped up in episode 4. We didn’t know her full plan yet true, but all we needed was lena SAYING HER NAME and fans of any other version of teh Disney Ducks would instantly go “Oh shit there she is”. So fans would now have the expectation of a main antagonist.. but would be instantly supscious of Lunaris and Penumbra if there wasn’t one for the first third of a season it took to them, and it’d leave a gap in the story to not have someone driving the plot on earth. 

So Flinty got an upgrade.. a slight one and we’ll talk about the eb and flow. And thus he got a proper origin. Now granted they could’ve planned this too, but this one’s harder to tell as the curse you me gag could’ve been a clever setup or could’ve just been a one off gag they somehow turned into an entire episode. So Flinty got an arc.. and a comedic foil, the other reason this was inevieble, and Kev’s faviorite character, Zan Owlson. So how did it work out for them? Well we’ll begin that journey under the cut. 

We begin our story a few months ago.... on every level really: the months ago shadow war aired when this episode originally good, the months ago I reviwed Shadow War (which via counting I found out was my 200th episode not counting Patreon. Nice), and most importantly for this story, the four months ago before the present day of Season 2. 

Glomgold saying curse you me as he fell into the bay during the Shadow War.... only for once in his life he dosen’t somehow get out of it unscathed and instead passes out, almost drowning. He’s found by Fisher and Mann, two fisherpersons... Mann is specific about that due to being a woman despite the obvious irony. It’s a good gag. Flinty acts like he normally would.. hostile, demanding that they know who he is.. and while they don’t.. neither does he. 

Cue credits and cue present day. Via a newscast with Roxanne we learn what I mentioned earlier: It’s been four month and Glomgold’s been missing. The general mood.. has been about what you’d expect. 

Yeah Roxanne turned on him real fast. I genuinely wouldn’t be surprised if it was because he later openly bragged about stealing scrooge’s money during the shark thing on live tv at some point, making Roxanne look terrible for enabling him and for blatantly supporting him earlier. I mean.. how else do you get a corrupt journalist to do anything decent. 

But with Glomgold gone SOMEONE’S gotta replace him.. and that someone is Zan Motherfucking Owlson. Top of her class at Mouseton Univesity, Owlson is the show once again updating things: previously they added Mark Beaks to the Rogue’s Gallery as he contrasts the 50′s (scrooge ) and 80′s (glomgold) idea of billionares from previous versions of the property being a modern tech weasel. Though instead of just one thing Owlson represents a few: The most obvious is she’s a woman of color: Having a black woman in such a high position of power is something disney would’ve outright vetoed in the 50′s and 80′s. Here it’s well accepted as it always should have been. It also feels like a delebrate move on Frank’s part: There weren't’ any major african or african american coded characters in season 1, despite the show being very open and accepting, so that needed to change. The other is frankly outside of Brigtaa MacBridge, whose also weirdly absent from this series for some reason and has taken Fethry and Rockerduck’s place as the most major overseas duck character to never get adapted, there are hardly ever any females on Scrooge and his richer foes level. He’s had the occasional female rival or suitor, but only Brigittta had staying power and while I love the idea of her, another person as rich as scrooge whose willing to spend more and has a crush on him, she badly needed an update as she’s essentially Adventure Era Amy Rose in a grown ass woman’s body. 

Owlson also provides a diffrent dynamic in that she portrays the ideal of what we’d want from a ceo: She’s honest, works hard, earned her way as square as scrooge did, gladly donates to charity and is extremely charismatic and intelligent. Granted most CEO”s are nothing like this but still, she’s what we WANT them to be. Using the money not for themselves or taking big paychecks but to help people. She also provides something Glomgold needed: a straight man. While he has one in Scrooge at times, Owlson unlike both of them is a fully functional resonable human being. Scrooge, while a good person deep down, can be reckless, impulsive and greedy, and Glomgold had a tarzan like experince with sharks, goes on to name his dummy son sharkbomb, and tried to murder Scrooge on live television twice that we know of. She’s the calm, snarky, put upon sane person trying to reign in the crazy shark explosion man. 

Owlson dosen’t get a ton to do here, but that will change and she does get a decent amout in the final scene. But what she does here establishes who she is and how sh’es FIXED Glomgold industries; She’s shut down the vast number of money sinking scheme related departments, set ups everal charities, and is even setting up a new one with Scrooge, Dimes for Ducklings. In short she knew exactly what was needed to fix the company and it’s image and did so in FOUR MONTHS. Probably even less given they had to be sure Glomgold wasn’t coming back right away. I guarantee he’s faked his death like 10 times just to try and kill scrooge. They have to make sure it’s real first.  As one last note before we move on, Owlson is played by Natasha Rothwell, a producer and writer who i’ve only seen outside of this in Love, Simon and Sonic the Hedgehog.. that is a weird combo of things that mean a LOT to me I haven’t been able to bring up here again. 

We find the tv this was all playing on on the docks with a non-anthro segull pecking it while a bunch of fisherpersons go about their day. We also get this guy. 

Add him to the list of spinoffs I want THE LIST OF SPINOFFS JAKE WANTS: 1. Darkwing Duck 2. Donald, Daisy and the Kids 3. The Sabrewings 4. Tailspin Reboot 5. The Flintheart Glomgold Show 6. A Sequel Movie 7. This Guy Punching A Fucking Fish 

So you might be wondering when any of our main cast are going to show up.. and why the fish puncher isn’t in said main cast. Well that’s about now as Webby and Louie are fishing. Well okay more acuratley webby is fishing because she genuinely enjoys it and Louie is tagging along so he can nap on a boat while Webby paddles him around. That plan is threatnned by her spear fishing and he suggests using rods instead, but they need bait for that. 

Naturally, given we need to get this plot going our heroes run into Duke Baloney, aka an amnesiac Glomgold. Understandably, both of htem think this is some sort of scheme at first because waiting for someone related to Scrooge to stroll by his fish stand for some sort of shark themed trap, especially since he’s right near the water so he dosen’t have to worry about keeping them hydrated like that time he dropped one from a plane onto scrooge’s board meeting with two chainsaws strapped to it. But .. it’s not. While we the audience saw him amnesiac, and at first I thought that spoiled the episode... it really dosen’t. He still ACTS like himself on instinct, so your not sure if he faked it as part of some elaborate scheme or is really gone till this scene shows that, no he really isn’t there. And the how is simply in knowing the guy: Glomgold is not good at subtley. He has disguises and such, but their never remotely convincing. He could NEVER pull off  actually being a humble fish monger nor have gone four fucking months without yelling at scrooge or remotely contacting him. There’s also the fact Fisher and Mann 100% belivie in duke and back up his very real story of being dredged out of the bay. There’s also his south african accent, which actors including David Tennant himself have admitted is one of the hardest to pull off but Keith does swimingly, which is a hint.. but only on rewatch or for those who know his comics origins. 

Louie isn’t convinced which is fair: even if Glomgold isn’t good at this sort of thing, he’s still tried it a lot. Webby however correctly figures he has amensia. So the two simply try talking to him. Fisher and Mann do get a bit dickish laughing off the idea he’s possibly Glomgold.. despite the fact you know you dredged him out of the fucking water 4 months ago.. and if you actually looked at the news, would see Glomgold disappeared around the exact same time you found Duke. It just annoys me because otherwise these two are great characters: Friendly loveable fisherpersons who love their job, have no comeptiviness and genuinely want to help their friend duke. The encounter does have them seeing a fancy money clip Duke has but with no other options they leave for now. 

But while Duke has forgotten who he was... bits of glomgold still stir within him. And that starts when Duke spots the McDuck Industries fishing boat, the best fishing boat on the sea, something his friends are okay with.. but Duke naturally isn’t. So while Duke was a calm sane fisherman before the true glomgold in him is on full display as he comes up with insane schemes involving fish and explosives, before presenting a rather insane scheme to his friends involving getting engineering degrees and other stuff.. it’s as poorly drawn and wonderful as you expect from him. But what’s telling is that he reigns it in when his friends show obvious concern with his actions... something Glomgold would NEVER do. For one he dosen’t have friends. For another, he doesn’t care about anyone else’s feelings or thoughts. 

By now Webby is also championing that Duke is a diffrente person.. which is true. Duke is Glomgold stripped of his hate and resitment towards scrooge. He’s who the man COULD’VE been had he not sworn eternal vengeance on Scrooge. Louie is doubtful that he’s amnesiac still.. but neither can quite figure out the full story so it’s time for research.. and for Webby to accidentally knock Louie into some lobster traps.. which given he’s spent the entire episode assuming an amnesiac man isn’t that despite all the evidence to the contrary, he earned that. That said these two were the perfect choice for it: All of the boys have a bit of skeptic in them, and we already had a plot with Huey being skeptical.. and even he would’ve given up by now as would dewey since he only has a pinch at best. Webby.. has none. She can question motives and stuff sure, but at her heart she’s a kind forgiving soul who belives the best in everyone. And.. its’  paid off fo rher. Look at the whole Lena situation, she believed in her, even while Lena was actively manipulating her,.. and it truly changed her, convinced Lena to do the right thing despite the cost, to choose love over the abusive monster who made her. It’s the only missed opportunity in the episode for me. Character wise it has exactly the 8 it needs to tell the story and focuses heavly on the five it truly is about. But not having Webby bring up Lena when we don’t hear her mentoined AT ALL during her absence (though to the shows credit they did a good job showing Webby still had never remotely given up), and it made the wait more agonizing and would’ve made her motivations hit even harder: that she belives in duke because she believed in lena and it was real. And while this thank christ isn’t remotely romantic, the point does stand: She wants to see the best. 

Louie is a conman by nature so he only sees the worst, the weakest in people, the things he can use to take htem down or take hteir money. He can’t fathom someone doing good because he can’t fathom HIMSELF being good. And that.. says a lot.. but he’s accepted himself as a shady conperson who cares only for himself.. even if that’s not the truth. His inclusion here enhances his own arc much like Huey’s role in quack pack enhanced his. It shows that deep down Louie dosen’t think much of anyone.. and probably not himself. That he has to be shady and greedy to survive when that’s not tru. Sharper than the sharpies yes but also square.

One last bit before we moved on  I just found out though: The Crew originally had this as a straight up origin story: no kids, none of the rest of the duck family, except presumably Scrooge’s parts here, just Glomgold’s struggle with amensia and his past leading to who hei s now. Honestly I think that version could’ve worked, but likely given disney seems TERRIFIED of making a show starring an adult without a chlid and had to be talked into the child light Golden Lagoon, that was a non starter but I think it still works fine. I also foudn this out via a twitter thread of Frank’s rewriting history that goes in deep on teh production of each episode. Had I known this existed before writing this one, I would’ve used it for the other two arcs and most dangerous game night, but I intend to read through it so I have everything on the table from here on out. 

For only the second time in her long career of researching stuff though, Webby has hit a dead end. Mostly because she couldn’t find anything on Duke.. and NOTHING on Glomgold’s past pre-Duckburg. The most she has is his visa...

I want to frame this on my wall.. and someone is actually seling id cards out there, so I want this one at some point. It’s not Disney because they don’t care about fan merch like this, but then that just means they don’t get the money because they didn’t think of it or put the work in then huh. 

But yeah with nothing else our heroes go to the only person they know who knows him well...  Scrooge. 

Meanwhile Duke has .. this... I just.....I can’t put words to this truly bizzare surreal dream sequence.. it involves Glomgold going insane, the kids dancing on a bagpipe, and owlson is there.. despite the fact that Glomgold should have zero idea whot hat is. I think the kids mentioned here but even then, he somehow knows exactly what she looks like.

Otherwise good stuff and it’s raining hard as Duke goes in. Fisher and Mann have formally added him to their sign, and warmly welcomed him in and Duke says “this is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me I think” which is probably true. and makes what’s coming all the more heartbreaking. 

But before what’s coming Duke has another thing coming.. Scrooge who the kids brought to talk to him. The two talk casually, the kids watch not knowing.. and then Scrooge comes back to them. Turns out Webby was, unsurprisingly right on the money, Flinty does have amnesia, and unlike what Louie thought.. he isn’t inherently evil. Duke is just duke.. and Scrooge has no intention of fixing the amnesia. And while that SOUNDS bad.. his intentions are noble: Glomgold.. was a throughly miserable person. He was never happy and never would be till Scrooge was dead by his hand and that was never going to happen.  It isn’t even taking an enemy off the board: Flinty is only a threat on occasion. Scrooge clearly ENJOYS their conflict: it may annoy him from time to time, but he clearly enjoys upstaging the guy. And as he points out, it’s not a brain injury or anything: Glomgold is practically immortal as Louie put earlier, and Scrooge outright mentions Glomgold’s taken a LOT of explosions to the face. So he’s in no real danger physically or emotionally.. he’s happy. He has friends, a calling he truly enjoys. There’s another reason too but we’ll see that in the final scene. 

So Duke is finally happy... but it doesn’t last... the kids go out but a storms a coming, and Duke selfleslly heads out to save them.. only to get hit on the head and fall in the ocean again. 

It’s here we get the 2017 version of Glomgold’s origin story. We did kinda get one with life and times, as we saw his first meeting with scrooge and why he hated him, long story short with the long story coming later this week Glomgold left Scrooge for dead and Scrooge’s response was to come back, kick the fuckers ass, tar and feather him and utterly humilaite him, leading to Flinty swearing vengance. 

But while I love that version..t his one is just as awesome if not better. And it’s without having Scrooge ride a lion. Here we instead meet Flinty as a child Scrooge’s age... and as a shoeshine boy. Yup just like Scrooge Duke, Glomgold’s birth name, was an industrious young boy with big dreams. He also had unwieldy schemes from minute one, but Scrooge saw in this lad the same fire he had and tried replicating his own origin. 

The problem was... the different context ruined it. Scrooge was paid by an equally poor ditchdigger the us equilvent of his pay: still useless in scotland, but a good lesson in hard work and not being swindled. Scrooge tried that... as the richest duck in the world and without giving flinty the same amount of money. 

So Duke/Flinty took umbrage at this yelled at scrooge.. and pick pocketed his money clip. In the only bit taken from the rosa version of their first meeting, Scrooge never realized he’d met flinty already. There and then duke came up with his first true, and first insane scheme: Save the money and use it to mold himself into a richer, more scottish version of scrooge dedicating his life to one upping him and killing him. A “single white female” type thing as Frank put it. 

It’s.. utterly brilliant... taking Glomgold being a knockoff as mention and just running with that... making Glomgold a LITERAL knockoff. This was indeed the plan all along: A way to have him be both south african and scottish and it was brilliant. It also gives him more depth and more tragedy: He COULD’VE been the next scrooge.. but instead of being his own man or learning any of the hard lessons scrooge did he doubled down on never learning anything and getting vengeance on an old man’s well meant but accidently classist gesture. 

So Glomgold reawakens and while it first looks like he’s going to save the kids... he instead throws Webby into the raging sea, and steals their fish. Webby is heartbroken and Louie asks him “what about duke.” His response is heartbreaking as it is character defnting

“I”m Flintheart Glomgold and I always will be!” the lightning shot, the cackle..i t’s just such a damn good moment that underscores the tragedy of the episode as Glomgold’s new friends are horrified by what he is now and what he was always meant to be and Glomgold leaves to go stalk scrooge once again. He indeed is Flintheart Glomgold and always will be.. because he threw the decent person he could’ve been away. He’s miserable.. because he can’t let go of his rage or ego and just move on from something that happened to him when he was ten! He has to be in his 60′s now! Glomgold may think Scrooge is his worst enemy.. but it’s really Flintheart Glomgold.... and it always will be. 

So naturally his first actoin is to storm into his company and scream at scrooge. How he found him there... honestly not a huge suprise it’s his company and he likely knows how to find scrooge anywhere because he’s a creep like that. Scrooge and Owlson’s reactions are both worth a look at:

Given Glomgold bursts into an already annoying meeting of Scrooge trying to get the dimes part knocked down to nickles (and likely lower before that given he mentioned Pennies earlier), to accuse Scrooge of trying to trick him by appearing as a boat in his dreams her bafflement is both understandable and hilarious. Like she probably HEARD what Glomgold was like but gennuinely didn’t belivie it and her face is just now frozen in a look of “oh my god they were not exagearating what fresh hell is this”. 

She tries to be professional and introduce herself but he just brushes her off and yells at Scrooge blaming him for being forgotten (”You literally forgot yourself), with Owlson also considering calling security. She only dosen’t because Scrooge points out he’ll tire himself out eventually and as usual for their jousts, is not remotely threatened or worried. He’s just..sad. And getting back to his reaction.. that’s what’s telling about his plan. He probably KNEW this would happen. He in his heart knew Duke Balloney would be gone soon, and he’d have to deal with Glomgold again. It helps soften the implicatoins: it wouldn’t last and fraknly if it did Scrooge would probably have people check on him regualry to make sure he was okay. He’s not a monster.. he just wanted Flinty to be happy for five minutes and to not ruin that out of some misplaced sense of right and wrong.. when the right thing was to simply let the man be happy till it inevitably blew up. 

Glomgold however, furious at being forgotten and cast aside has decided to take a huge poorly thought through gamble and challenges scrooge to a classic Scrooge comics trope between the two, but with higher stakes: A contest to see who will be the richest duck in the world by the end of the year.. and given Christmas happens right after this i’m just assuming he means a year from now. Winner gets both companies and fortunes. Scrooge scoffs at this.. till Flinty pulls out the clip, taunting him with how he did it and “If I can beat you once scrooge i’ll beat you again”. And this, Flinty revealing he stole from him and he NEVER KNEW it or realize it, enrages scrooge enough to agree and to take him seriously... meanwhile Owlson.. just tries to get actual work shit done and just forges their signatures. Look she is a woman of color in the business world with genuinely good motives... she’s probably used to using white nonsense to get things past two idiots having a peeing race. 

Final Thoughts:

This episode is truly excellent and like Most Dangerous Game Night! i’d forgottne just HOW good it was. The pacing, the comedy, and the character work is all on full blast and i’ve gushed plenty enough about how great an origin story is. it’s a character piece that explains why this doofus is the way he is and that is what holds him back. 

Next time on MMM: Louie’s back as he pulls a ghostbusters to make quick money and Storkules starts rooming with Donald with predictable results. 

If you liked this review consider joining my patreon and i’ll see you at the next rainbow. 

[passionate-reply]

I swear, you get caught eating barbequed iguana once, and you absolutely never live it down. That’s what happened to Wall of Voodoo, who are known almost exclusively for their quirky novelty hit “Mexican Radio.” But the rest of the album it appeared on is surprisingly serious, and actually rather dark. Find out all about it by watching my video review, or reading the transcript below the break!

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! On today’s episode, I am once again diving into the realm of alleged “one hit wonders” who had a lot more going on than just one song. This time, it’s Wall of Voodoo, and their 1982 LP, Call of the West. It’s a shame, if you ask me, but most people who have heard anything at all by Wall of Voodoo know them for what is probably the least interesting song anywhere on this album: “Mexican Radio.”

Music: “Mexican Radio”

Get caught eating barbecued iguana once, and you never live it down, I suppose. “Mexican Radio” isn’t a terrible song, but I do think it’s the least effective expression of this album’s core themes on offer. As its title implies, Call of the West is a semi-concept album, focused around the mythic image of America and the Far West. It was actually Wall of Voodoo’s second LP--a followup to their 1981 debut, Dark Continent. Despite that title, it isn’t an album about Africa, but rather one that has a lot of thematic common ground with Call of the West: blue-collar angst, disaffected and brutal masculinities, and a whiff of things strange and surreal.

Music: “Two Minutes Till Lunch”

Aside from the themes, the basic musical structure of tracks like “Two Minutes Till Lunch” is reminiscent of the style of Call of the West as well: dense, clattering mechanical rhythms, ghoulish flourishes of harmonica, and frontman Stanard Ridgway’s unmistakable, dipthonged speak-singing, seemingly delivered exclusively through the side of his mouth at an odd angle. But Dark Continent is a bit harsher overall, with more of a foothold in the punk side of post-punk. Call of the West is an album in the full flush of New Wave: quirky, tongue-in-cheek, and not afraid to lay down a bit more synthesiser. While “Mexican Radio” reads as almost disposably gimmicky, like a musically competent novelty song, I think the other tracks on the album strike more of a balance between wicked irony and being unironically enjoyable.

Music: “Tomorrow”

“Tomorrow” is, by far, the track on this album that I think most deserves to have been its big hit single. Despite its privileged position as opening track, an affable, lightly electronic soundscape, and rather singable pop hookiness, it was actually never released as a single at all! I think “Tomorrow” does a great job at being something very fun, but also something a bit daring and artistic. It’s easy to love a sort of relatable, goofy song about procrastination, but its “apocalyptic” finish turns it into something a bit more profound. I think Call of the West shines even more once we get away from three-minute pop songs and into the album’s more atmospheric tracks.

Music: “Hands of Love”

While the heavy use of rhythm machines is a hallmark of the album overall, and stands out given its rarity on such an early and rock-oriented album, “Hands of Love” is probably the composition centered most tightly around the instrument. Aside from that, what I think always brings me back to this track is the vague, shadowy quality of its lyrics--some details are familiar, but the overall picture is hauntingly unnerving. Several tracks on Call of the West present the theme of loneliness and social isolation, toying with the American myths of rugged individualism and the empty expanse of the West. “They Don’t Want Me” tackles outright rejection by others in a direct manner, whereas the narrator of “Tomorrow” ruins their own relationships through fecklessness. “Mexican Radio,” of course, introduces a character so desperate for companionship that they seek it in a language they don’t even understand. But I think “Hands of Love” reigns supreme here, with its motif of hands losing their grip...perhaps losing their grip on reality.

Besides the loneliness resulting from the spread-apart American landscape, other tracks on the album address the lifestyles of the down and out--people who have put their faith in an “American Dream” of independence and self-reliance, but failed to achieve prosperity. We meet compulsive gamblers in “Lost Weekend,” a doomed secret agent in “Spy World,” and, on “Factory,” perhaps the album’s most riveting character of all: a factory labourer whose work has disabled him both physically and mentally.

Music: “Factory”

Like so many exploited workers in America, the narrator of “Factory” has no class consciousness, and seems unable to imagine a better or different life for himself, or strive for anything more than the banal comforts of consumerism. But he tells of a phantom itch in his missing thumb, which we might interpret as a metaphor for the vague, gnawing idea of other possibilities...particularly as he remarks that as a child, he was told he could be anything he wanted. The arrangement of this track buries Ridgway’s lead vocal to an extent, though never so much that we can’t make out its harrowing lyrics. I imagine it’s a representation of how suppressed the narrator’s internality and sense of self has become.

On the cover of Call of the West, we find a mysterious, crooked door, which is just slightly ajar, inviting us into this album’s strange world. It’s the only feature in a desolate red desert-scape, besides the outline of some bluffs against its horizon. It could be the landscape of Mars just as easily as it could the wide-open emptiness of the Far West. Just as the album’s title implies being welcomed or beckoned into the mythic West, the cover art is darkly inviting to the viewer.

While I don’t normally discuss the visual identity of albums outside of their front cover, I do want to make an exception for Call of the West, whose liner notes show the interior of the implied dwelling, decorated with a slew of peculiar trinkets: a taxidermied crocodile, a spilling bottle of liquor, a statue of a buffalo, and what appear to be antique slave shackles. There’s a lot of rich symbolism here, and I think it’s a beautiful addition to the album’s themes, but I never saw it until I owned this album on vinyl! In the age of digital music, we often lose some of these more complex touches when “album art” is reduced to a single square image, and that’s quite unfortunate.

Despite having a relative breakout hit, Call of the West would prove to be the final album Wall of Voodoo released with their original lineup. Frontman Stanard Ridgway would pursue a solo career, scoring a surprise hit in Germany with his 1986 single “Camouflage,” a ghost story set during the Vietnam War. He’s remained active as an independent artist through the 2010s. The rest of the band kept the name Wall of Voodoo alive for the remainder of the 1980s, replacing Ridgway with Andy Prieboy.

Music: “Camouflage”

My favourite track on Call of the West is its title track, which is the final track on the album. Like a lot of title tracks, it’s lengthy enough that you can really sink your teeth into it, and serves as a sort of summation of everything that’s happening throughout the album. It’s got cowboyish guitars, yipping coyotes, and a striking transition to a spoken-word bridge, which flows naturally from Ridgway’s unmannered vocal style. That’s all I have for today--thanks for listening!

Outro: “Call of the West”

[thetypedwriter]

A Curse So Dark and Lonely Book Review

A Curse So Dark and Lonely Book Review by Brigid Kemmerer

My gosh, I feel like I have enormous feelings about this book. 

So, I had seen this book for awhile bestow the shelves at Barnes & Noble and while it drew the eye, it also didn’t entice me right away. I must have read snippets of the backside summary a dozen times before I finally succumbed and purchased it when the store was having a buy one, get one 50% off deal. 

Lame, I know. 

That being said, A Curse So Dark and Lonely surprised me in a lot of pleasant ways and at the end of the experience it was a book I genuinely enjoyed reading, despite the flaws throughout. 

First off, somehow, in ways that I don’t even fully understand, I did not realize that this was a retelling of Beauty and the Beast. 

You might ask, seeing the title, the reviews on the back literally calling it a retelling of a classic fairytale, the summary itself, and the basic premise, how did I not realize what the true nature of this book was?

I genuinely have no idea. 

I really don’t. 

It’s so flabbergasting that I don’t even have a proper answer for you other than Beauty and the Beast was not my favorite Disney movie growing up and that I probably should have spent more time checking out what bargain books to buy before I laid down the cash. 

Oh well.

That being said, retellings of classic fairy tales has been a fairly popular phenomenon in the YA literature scene (and popular culture as a whole, really) for the last couple of years and while I can see the appeal, it was never something that beckoned me. 

I’m not a huge fairytale fan to begin with so a retelling of the original doesn’t hold much sway in terms of intrigue and buy-in. 

If I had known what A Curse So Dark and Lonely truly was, I never would have bought it. Frankly, it’s a little sad because I genuinely would have missed out on a very fun and engaging read. Fortunately enough, however, my dumb actions actually paid off in good luck this time around. 

The whole premise is exactly what you’ve probably surmised up to this point: an enumeration of Beauty and the Beast with some modern fanfare and twists and turns along the way. 

Rhen is the current Crown Prince of Emberall, a country in some parallel world to the one that you and I currently exist in. With a series of twists, the main protagonist, Harper, is unwillingly hoisted from her homeland of Washington D.C. to the magical world of Emberfall, which unfortunately is not all that magical with a looming war on the horizon involving a neighboring nation, rumors of a savage beast that has wreaked havoc on the country, and a wicked witch that delights in torment and carnage to sadistic glee.  

Soon enough, a high school dropout with cerebral palsy soon finds herself in the imaginary role as the Princess of Disi, an allying nation that has promised aid and troops to Emberfall and potentially betrothed to the Crown Prince, Rhen. 

To make matters more complicated, Harper finds herself often in the company of Grey, the lone soldier of the Royal Guard and Rhen’s constant shadow, a figure she soon begins to trust despite herself. 

With a war on the horizon, the ever-present threat of the witch Lillith, the haunting promise of the beast’s return, and evolving feelings, A Curse So Dark and Lonely is a lovely concoction of both fast-paced action, romance, humor, and fantasy. This whole book gave me a pleasant buzz from start to finish. 

The plot itself, while recycled at its core, is fresh enough with the modern flare of Harper being from D.C. (Disi-this still makes me laugh), representation in the form of a character with a disability like cerebral palsy, interesting and complex relationships, and opposing enough with the threat of Lillith and future battles that it never seemed pithy or banal. 

While the world building is...mediocre, I don’t think it was amazing nor do I think it’s awful, it’s a useful enough background for the characters and their emotions to take place, which honestly is the real focus throughout the entire novel (although the author did take some liberties by inputting in things like the castle automatically regenerating food-how much more deus ex machina can you get?). 

  Kemmerer’s writing style is also fine. Nothing groundbreaking, but also not writing I find abhorrent or even unlikeable. She comes across as a typical YA author to me in terms of her vocabulary, her figurative language, and her writing style. 

The real focus, if you haven’t caught on by now, are the characters. 

I genuinely like all three main characters quite a bit, which, if you regularly read my reviews, is quite the anomaly. 

Rhen I find to be strangely complex. While he fits the mold of the brooding, arrogant prince that actually cares deeply for his people and his country quite well, I also found him more interesting than just the archetype of the royal son. 

He’s surly, dark, and quite temperamental. While he does care deeply about his people, he’s often selfish and petty. Honestly, he shouldn’t be very likable at all, but it’s for that reason alone that I do like him. 

I like that while he might be a good ruler he’s not necessarily a good person and I like the dichotomy and the conflict that implicitly comes with that struggle, a struggle often shown to the readers and the two other characters he’s closest with: Harper and Grey. 

In addition, often in YA I feel like authors constantly feel pressured to make romantic love interests “perfect” which to me, translates to being stereotypical and boring. Very often my favorite characters are the ones who are flawed and complicated-just like Rhen. 

Grey is also a character that I thought would be more simple than he actually turned out to be. I originally thought Grey was going to be the stoic, soldier type and while he is, I also really enjoyed seeing his lighter side, his sense of humor, his love for children, and the deadly loyalty that binds him not because of a curse or a spell, but because of his own stubbornness and dedication to the decision that he made and the refusal to break it.

I found this honor code fascinating and his adherence to it almost obsessive. His loyalty to Rhen is both baffling and intriguing and often it was the best part of the novel for me. 

Which brings me to my next point: Rhen and Grey’s relationship is hand’s down the best part of this book. It’s a complicated relationship and, therefore, really fascinating to read about it. They have a serpentine history involving Grey being the one to let Lillith into Rhen’s chambers which sets off the whole curse business in the first place. 

However, as Rhen says later on in the book, it was his choice to keep Lillith overnight and to pursue romance, not Grey’s. 

There is guilt, blame, affection, loyalty, ownership, friendship, frustration, anger, sacrifice and more to their relationship. Their history stops them from being true friends, as do their roles as prince and guard, yet they are the only companion the other has for seasons upon seasons. 

At the end of the day, Grey is all Rhen had for a very long time and it shows. 

Their relationship was always so engrossing to read about due to its complications and its nuances. Very few YA relationships, especially that of platonic male friendship, gets even near the level of depth and grey (I couldn’t help this pun) area shown between Grey and Rhen. Their relationship alone is a huge draw for why I found this novel so captivating. 

I did wonder for a while if perhaps there were more than platonic feelings involved, but I could never quite put my finger on the true nature of their relationship or their feelings towards each other, which I find absolutely amazing. Their relationship is messy and complicated, just like real life relationships are. 

That leaves the third piece of the puzzle: Harper. 

Out of the three main characters, I like Harper the least, but I do still like her. I like that she’s strong and tenacious, not in spite of her cerebral palsy, but in addition to her already present bravery and ferocity. She’s headstrong, stubborn, kind, merciful, and compassionate. 

My dislike from Harper stems from the fact that she’s a little too perfect, especially compared to Rhen and Grey, who I found to be much more convoluted characters. 

Again, harping (hahah) back to stereotypical YA, other than her cerebral palsy, I don’t think there’s anything in particular about Harper that makes her complicated, flawed, or especially interesting. 

She’s a good girl willing to give it all up for a country she’s only known for a few weeks even though her mother’s dying at home and her brother is most likely involved in some kind of gang violence. 

The best scenes with Harper are the scenes were she is struggling to choose between the two worlds and weighing her options, as at some points it does depict her as selfish and wanting to go home, even though she knows it would doom thousands of people. 

But of course, this is all taken care of later when she realizes D.C. isn’t her true home any more and that Emberfall has become where her heart lies. 

Lame. 

Kemmerer made Harper just a little too pristine for my liking, which is why she ranks lower than both Rhen and Grey when on paper she is by far the best in terms of personality and character traits. 

This especially grates on me when Kemmerer tells us that Harper is fantastic instead of letting us glean that for ourselves. I really dislike when an author tells me instead of shows me that someone is brave or kind or amazing or whatnot and I feel like there were enough instances of Harper being all of those things without having needed Rhen or Grey to point it out all of the time. 

I also do feel like there is some weird shaming regarding things typically seen as “feminine” in relation to Harper and why that makes her “better.” For example, Rhen talks often about how no girl ever has ever done what Harper has done, like attacking him. 

I’m sorry? You’re telling me that Grey has kidnapped hundreds of girls and not one of them before Harper tried to attack them? In any form? Really? 

I find that preposterous. 

Other instances of Harper being unique in this fashion is also sprinkled in, like how most girls apparently only care about the dresses and the jewels in the castle, but not Harper. Or how most girls would be crying from a scar on their cheek, but Harper is just upset that she misses her target.

 I get what Kemmerer is going for, but these force-fed characterizations really bothered me and were the most irritating thing about the book. 

Being feminine or caring about stereotypically feminine things like jewelry or dresses does not mean that someone can’t also be strong and brave and fierce. I dislike a lot of the subliminal messages in the novel in regards to that. 

In terms of romance, again I have to ask myself when the trope of the love triangle will die. Perhaps it never will. Perhaps it will live on for eternity, forever immortal and present in nearly 90% of YA literature. 

The love triangle between Grey, Rhen, and Harper doesn’t bother me so much in this novel as I feel like it isn’t truly focused on very much, which I appreciate. I understand that Harper has feelings for both Grey and Rhen, but her feelings make sense. I don’t feel like Kemmerer is just foisting a love triangle onto the readers for the sake of having a love triangle. 

It felt somehow...natural. 

In addition, most love triangles suck as they’re very one sided, usually in terms of the female’s POV. 

In this case however, the love triangle is influenced by Grey and Rhen’s relationship, where the lines are very blurry and for a good portion of the book I thought perhaps they were in love with each other and Harper. 

Frankly, I would have been ecstatic if this was the route Kemmerer had taken. Not many YA authors go down this route, but examples like Mark/Cristina/Keiran from The Infernal Devices and Niall/Irial/Leslie from Ink Exchange are actually the only examples I know from YA literature so this would have been so welcome and anticipated. 

If Kemmerer had gone down the route of looking into a polyamorous relationship I would have been over the moon. I don’t think she is sadly, but polyamrous relationships are still so few and far between in YA that it would have been utterly captivating, especially as she has all the ingredients to do so. 

Or, I thought she did. 

Until it’s revealed at the very end that Rhen and Grey are brothers. Or, at least half-brothers. 

Yeah. 

It’s super unfortunate. 

I’m genuinely disappointed that this is the route Kemmerer decided to take it as it seems so grossly safe. It’s almost like an intense male/male relationship can’t exist unless it’s romantic or they’re brothers and I despise that. 

Hence, why I have also decided that I won’t be reading A Heart so Fierce and Broken. I want to keep the memory and the interesting relationships between the three characters as it is: interesting.

 I have a very strong feeling that if I read the sequel that will all be shattered. 

When all is said and done, I really enjoyed this book. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to reading it and I wasn’t expecting very much, but it met all of my expectations and more. 

I am sad that I won’t be finishing the series as a whole, but I know that the direction it's going will only make me frustrated and annoyed and I would rather preserve the positive emotions attached to A Curse So Dark and Lonely than ruin it with a sequel that I know won’t meet the expectations I have. 

Perhaps that’s unfair to say, and rightly so, but I know myself and I can see where the sequel is going and I’m almost certain that I won’t like it. 

So in this case, I’m going to quit while I’m ahead and savor the moments I had reading this novel in all its fairy-telling glory. 

Recommendation: If you love Beauty and the Beast, fairytales with a modern twist, interesting characters and interesting relationships set in a fantasy world where the music never stops playing and a savage beast runs rampant, than this book is calling for you.

 I didn’t know that I needed this novel in my life and now I’m so glad that it is. Captivating from beginning to end, if you’re anything like me and a sucker for interesting romance and strong, nuanced characters you won’t be able to put this down either. 

Score: 7/10 

[cheeriecherry]

Birds Of A Feather [4/7]

Hawks x Fem!Reader

Warnings: some swearing, a kiss

Part 4/7

By the end of the week, you’re walking into Hawks’ penthouse with nothing but a duffel bag of clothes. Most of your stuff had been moved to storage, but you’d told him you’d bring your own sheets, blankets, and pillows for the couch. He’d stared at you like you’d grown a second head.

He’d then gone on a tangent about how he had guest rooms, obviously, and how his sheets would be softer than yours. He’s probably not wrong, with his 1200 thread count egyptian cotton, but the way he says it ruffles you a bit. You don’t mention it, though. You don’t want to give him any kind of reason to kick you out.

“Hey chickadee, you gonna stand in the entrance all night, or are you gonna come in?”

You snap out of your stupor when Hawks calls to you, and continue lugging your things through the door.

The inside of the penthouse is beautiful; tastefully decorated (probably professionally), and it’s spacious rough that you could spread your wings out fully. The doorways are wider than average, likely catering to your boss’ specific needs. The entire place is gorgeous, immaculate even, and any person in their right mind would kill to live here.

You kind of detest it.

“I had some people come in this afternoon and set up the guest suite for you,” he says, kicking off his boots and flopping onto the couch. “They also brought some of your uniforms in from the agency, so you can change here. You won’t have to go in so early.”

“Thank you,” you tell him, and you mean it. Personal opinions aside, he’s let you into his home out of kindness. You’ll not soon disrespect that.

“Ah, you’re standing and staring again. Are you that impressed with the place?”

You snap back to attention for a second time, and hike your bag further up your shoulder. “I-it’s not that!” you try to explain, “I was just expecting something...different?”

Hawks sits up on the couch. “Whadya mean?”

“I dunno.” You shrug. “More lived in, I guess? Don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful here, especially the balcony, but it’s also very...what’s the word…”

“Mature and charming?” he tries, but you shake your head.

He offers a few more suggestions, things like ‘perfect’ and ‘homey’ and ‘colourful’, each word hitting further and further from your mark.

Then it comes to you. “Monotone and sterile!” you nearly shout, your success momentarily quieting your desire to be polite. “It’s like it’s fresh out of a magazine, or a model home. Don’t take it the wrong way, Boss, I’m not hating on your tastes, but if I’m gonna be staying here indefinitely, I’m gonna have to add some personal touches.” You remember your manners. “If that’s okay…”

You worry that you may have offended him, with the way he’s looking at you, but a smile slowly spreads across his face, his eyes sparkling.

“Finally,” he sighs, “someone who speaks their damn mind.”

“Eh?”

“Do you know how many of the people I’ve invited here tell me ‘how beautiful’ it is?” He adjusts his wings and settles comfortably back into the couch. “All of them. Every single one. And look, I’m grateful that I’ve got this place, but it’s just a house. No sentimentality, no memories...just a space.”

“Well...it’s polite to not insult someone’s home when they invite you over…” you mumble, the severity of your outburst making your face heat up.

“Maybe,” he says. “Or maybe they’re all schmoozing and hoping to get on my good side.”

The bitterness in his tone doesn’t go unnoticed by you, but you decide to leave it be. He should be free to be himself in his own home, and not have to put up any kind of front. You hoped he’d supply you the same courtesy, when you inevitably would wake up on the wrong side of the bed some mornings.

“Anyways,” he flips the TV on and tosses the remote to the side, “it’s late. You should probably unpack your stuff before you’re too tired.”

“Yeah…” you realize how wiped out you are as the weariness starts to settle in. “I’ve got tomorrow off though, so...if I wake up on time, I’ll bring you curry.”

You can hear him cheering as you walk down the hall to the guest room, and you smile. You’ll never understand his love for chicken, even though his enthusiasm boosted your confidence.

The room is spacious and airy, and has a beautiful view of the city. The bed itself is probably big enough to hold three people, and you’re silently grateful that your wings won’t be hanging on the floor while you sleep anymore. 

You set your bag down by the door, and flop face first onto the mattress. God, it was the most plush thing you’d ever had the pleasure to lay on.

“I’ll unpack tomorrow,” you mumble, sinking further into the sheets and, eventually, sleep.

In the distance, you hear Hawks snoring.

----

You wake up the next day to sunlight hitting your face. It’s bright, and annoying, and too warm, and your bed really wants you to keep sleeping but you don’t think you can.

You sit up.

You can feel that your hair is a disheveled mess, and your tongue feels gummy and sour.

“Blegh.”

You (regrettably) roll out of bed and make your way to the bathroom to fix your morning vibes, checking the time along the way. Ten is later than you would have liked to wake up, but you suppose you really needed the sleep. And you did, surprisingly, feel more rested than you had in months.

It’s ten thirty by the time you’re done in the washroom, overall energy more put together and presentable, and you waste no time heading for the kitchen.

The kitchen which is...painfully under-stocked. A couple of condiments and wilting vegetables in the fridge...some frozen meat in the freezer...a bag of rice under the sink, for some reason, and...a completely full spice rack, every bottle unopened.

You knew your boss didn’t spend a lot of time at home, but this was just sad. 

You make a mental note to go shopping later.

Thankfully he seems to have the necessary ingredients for chicken curry, which you’re happy about. It means you won’t have to brave the store just yet.

Bit by bit, you pull out what you need in order to cook, only sitting down when you have a moment to spare as the rice cooks.

‘Hey Boss, I’m making curry for lunch. Want me to bring you some?’

You send him a text. It’s still fairly early, and you know he has his meetings in the morning, so you doubt that he’ll get back to you before-

Your phone buzzes.

‘Chickadee, you sure know the way to my heart. I’ll leave my office window open.’

You send him a thumbs up emoji.

----

Once the food is finished, you pack it up into two containers, opting to leave the rest in the pot for now. You made lots, enough to get several meals out of it, just in case Hawks pulled his ‘too busy to cook’ excuse when trying to convince you to order take-out.

It doesn’t take long to fly to the agency, the skies much clearer than the roads. The city itself seems relatively calm, no sounds of explosions or screaming. There is a distant plume of dark smoke on the horizon, though…

But there were other heroes in the area. You wouldn’t be missed if you didn’t show up for one disaster...right?

But then you land in the window of your boss’ office, and your worry spikes. The room is empty, door closed, lights off, paperwork strewn about on the desk...like he’d run off in a hurry.

You pull your phone out and send him a text.

‘Lemme know if something came up. I brought lunch, but I can put it away for later. Stay safe!

-Chickadee’

He doesn’t reply, but that’s expected if he’s dealing with some kind of crisis. Maybe you should have headed to whatever disaster you’d seen earlier...if it was bad enough to call on your boss, it must be a pretty dire situation. Maybe he could use an extra pair of wings?

You sigh and take a seat beside the window, staring out at the city skyline. The black smoke across the way has turned to a dusty grey colour, a much less threatening hue, and one that bode well for any possible fires.

He’ll be fine, you decide, with other heroes undoubtedly on the scene. By the time you’d get there, whatever was happening would be dealt with.

You pull out your phone to scroll through the news while you eat.

Nothing urgent appears on the screen, nothing to incline that you were needed somewhere, nothing to say extra help was needed. Just day-old stories, gossip columns, the occasional media review. You do startle a little when a new article pops up that’s focused around your boss. You click on it, expecting to see some kind of haggard scene...but you only laugh.

“Hawks, most eligible bachelor in Japan, off the market?” You scroll further into the article to see what kind of nonsense the reporters have come up with this time.

What you don’t expect, is to find pictures of yourself littering the page. Pictures of you and Hawks together. On patrol, talking over lunch at a cafe he took you to one time, walking into his agency side by side, and -most recently- the two of you landing on his balcony.

You’re slightly panicked, and very, very flustered. Had he seen the column? God, he was probably used to it, though, being as popular as he was. All he had to do was look at someone and the media would start crying wolf, which in your opinion, was stupid.

Still, the more you read the article, the more you find it has some good points. You two did spend a lot of time together, more than he did with any of his other friends. But that’s all you are. Friends. Friends, and completely platonic roommates.

You weren’t sure why that made your heart sink so much.

So you copied the link to the article and sent it to him, typing a quick ‘lol’ afterwards. At the very least, he might get a laugh out of it.

----

You finish eating in record time, scarfing down a portion and a half of curry. It was lonely, sitting in Hawks’ office by yourself. You wondered if he ever felt like that when he was up here on his own. He was too busy for most things, too fast for his own good. Did that include friendships? He made time for you when he could, but you understood the busy and demanding life of a hero...other people might not.

You...understood.

The dull ache that you’ve felt in your chest for the past year returns, suddenly. The sadness and grief, the emptiness and all-encompassing tiredness, the big overhanging question of ‘what’s even the point?’. The point of being a hero, the point of suffering for the people who love you and hate you and who don’t even know you.

“Shit,” you sigh, your head and shoulders hanging low, wing dragging against the floor.

Hawks had brightened your life up so much these last few months. He’d brought the smile back to your face, the joy back to flying. You missed him when he was gone, worried for him when he was off on missions, fuck, you even cooked him lunch of your day off just so you could spend time together.

You were head over heels for him, and so totally screwed.

----

Hawks doesn’t return home until late that night. Far past your usual bedtime, but you’re far too distressed to sleep. If you hadn’t had your earlier revelation, you’d have chalked it up to ‘being worried’. But now?

Now that you knew you had feelings for him, all your thoughts were clouded. You were concerned because you liked him. You hung out with him because you liked him. Everything was because you liked him!

It was fucking with you a bit.

“What are you still doing up?” his voice sounds from the front entryway, startling you bad enough that you almost fall off the couch.

Your wide eyes snap to him, immediately taking him in. He’s worse for wear, that’s for sure. His uniform is singed in places, and you’re pretty sure the scuff on his neck is a burn. Most notably are his wings. Or lack thereof. 

Featherless red nubs is a more accurate description.

“You look like shit,” you say, keeping the air about you casual.

He makes his way over to you and finds a seat on the couch adjacent, wincing as he sits a little too quickly.

“Thanks, chickadee. You always know what to say to make me feel better.”

Your face heats up. “I-I just mean! Long day?”

He groans, letting his head fall back against the cushions. You’re vaguely aware that he’s started talking, but the only thing you can pay attention to is the narrow column of his exposed throat, and how badly you wanted to lean over and press your lips against it.

You snap out of your daze when he nudges you with his foot.

“I feel like I’m talking to a wall,” you quips, devoid of any malice.

“Sorry,” you mumble, “what were you saying?”

“I was saying that we should hang out now that I’ve got a few days off. Kick our feet up, instead of culminating in a stuffy office.”

You shake your head. “As much as I’d love to, I still have work. Remember? I was already off today, I can’t miss more days.”

He whines, looking at you with sad puppy eyes. “It’ll be boring here by myself. You make the day more fun.”

“Hawks, I can’t-”

“Keigo.”

You perk up. “Huh?”

He rearranges himself on the couch so he can look at you more comfortably. “My name is Takami Keigo. Call me Keigo when it’s just us, okay?”

You consider it. “Why not Takami? That’s polite here, right? To use the surname?”

He nods. “Unless you’re close with the person. Family, good friends, the like.”

Your wings puff up, fully betraying the fact that you’re pleased he considers you a ‘good friend’. It doesn’t go unnoticed, and a teasing grin spreads across Haw-Keigo’s face.

“See? You waaaaant to. Say it with me: Kei-”

“Keigo.”

You don’t miss the way his cheeks tinge pink.

“You got it. And now, since we’re on a first name basis, I’m asking you to take a few days off to hang out with me.”

You’re exasperated.

“C’mon chickadee.”

“No.”

“Pleeeeease?”

“No!”

“Y/N…”

“No, Keigo.”

“Alright then. Now, as your boss, I’m officially giving you three days off.”

“You can’t just do that!”

“I can!”

“Hawks!”

“Keigo.”

“Sorry. Keigo!”

His expression is cheeky as you go back and forth for a while, and he’s unrelenting even as you gently beat him with a couch pillow.

It eventually morphs into a small war, the two of you chasing each other around the apartment, wielding whatever cushions you can get your hands on. You eventually end up tripping over the coffee table, shouting as you smack your foot and fall into an ungraceful heap on your back. Keigo wastes no time pouncing on you and pinning your arms beside your head.

Your wings are splayed out on either side of you, and he’s careful not to kneel on them. Even with your foot throbbing the way it is, he knows you could easily get away if you tried. But you don’t struggle. Instead you lay there quietly, out of breath, eyes locked on his. He can feel the warmth creeping up his neck, and you can see the redness returning to his cheeks.

“I...saw the article you sent to me today,” he begins, voice low. “I’m sorry they brought you into it.”

“I don’t mind,” you admit, “I just worry it might be detrimental to you. Some of your fans will be pissed.”

“Seriously?” He sits up on your chest, releasing your wrists. “You’re not online much, are you. Most of my fans ship us.”

“The hell does that mean?”

He laughs, soft of melodious. “It means that they like the idea of us. As a couple.”

“And it doesn’t bother you?” you wonder.

“No? Why would it?”

You avert your gaze from him, your insecurities and doubts creeping in under the scrutiny of his golden eyes. “I...guess you could just...do better, is all.”

“Chickadee...Y/N, look at me.”

You squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head. You feel very exposed laid out on the carpet, and you wish you’d never said anything.

A warm hand cups your cheek. “C’mon, sweetheart. Let me see those pretty eyes.”

You’re so flustered you don’t know what to do with yourself. Your heart is beating rapidly against your ribcage, and you’re positive he can see your embarrassment when you finally do as he asks.

But he only smiles gently at you, leaning down to rest his forehead against yours.

“Listen to me, and listen well. You’re the best I can do. You bring out everything good in me, and make me forget the bad. You make me happy.”

“Keigo-”

He shushes you by bringing your lips together.