#Bill Hader imagine

[storiesforallfandoms]

treat him better ~ barry berkman;barry

word count: 2615

request?: no

description: after his jealous ex makes a scene, his new girlfriend decides to tell her off for not treating him better

pairing: barry berkman x female!reader

warnings: swearing, lil bit of angst(?), use of y/n

masterlist (one, two, three)

Barry walked in with his arm around another woman, and that’s how everyone in the class knew that things were about to get a lot more interesting.

Barry and Sally had had a pretty messy breakup a few months before that had resulted in Barry considering quitting his acting class. Sally claimed she just couldn’t put in the same efforts into a relationship and her career, and she thought that Barry deserved better, but everyone in the class knew that she broke up with him in a moment of jealousy when an acting recruiter had taken interest in Barry after a play they had put off a few months before. Because of their breakup, Barry had gone into a stupor and missed the opportunity, and Sally seemed absolutely tickled by that.

Then, suddenly, Barry came into class after having missed more than a week and he was much happier than when they had all last seen him. After being prodded by his classmates for a while, he admitted that he had met someone and was going on a date with them after class that night. Everyone seemed happy for him, especially Gene who was glad that Barry was finally back in class. But Sally was very notably not sharing everyone else’s enthusiasm.

Judging by the PDA and the happiness that was absolutely radiating off of Barry, this was his new girlfriend.

“Hey, Mr. Cousineau,” Barry said, approaching the acting teacher. “This is my girlfriend, (Y/N). Is it alright if she sits in to watch today?”

Gene smiled at (Y/N). “Got an interest in acting, young lady?”

She shook her head. “No, sorry, but Barry talks up this class all the time. He swears he has the best acting teacher in all of Hollywood.”

Gene laughed. “Flattery gets you everywhere, sweetheart. You can sit with the others, I just ask you don’t disrupt us while we’re on class time.”

(Y/N) agreed and followed Barry to sit down. His classmates were quick to come sit next to them, all excitedly introducing themselves to (Y/N). She felt a little overwhelmed by all the attention, but she also knew what she was getting into when she came to the class. She had been asking Barry for weeks about coming to watch him during his acting class, but he kept saying he didn’t want to “scare her away” just yet. At first she had laughed at that, but now she was definitely seeing how that might’ve been something he was worried about.

Everyone was so engrossed in the new comer that no one noticed when Sally walked in, and she definitely did not like that.

“What’s going on?” she asked, trying to keep a light tone in her voice but anyone who was paying attention would notice the strain of it.

And that “anyone” was, of course, Barry, who knew Sally like no one else did.

(Y/N) smiled and stood to greet Sally. “Hi, I’m (Y/N). I’m Barry’s girlfriend.”

She held her hand out to Sally, who merely looked at it as if it was diseased. Noticing her expression, (Y/N) slowly and awkwardly lowered her hand again.

“Sally,” Sally responded. 

(Y/N) fought the urge to say “I figured”.

“Are you joining the class?” Sally asked.

“Oh, no. I can’t act for shit. I came to watch Barry.”

Sally made a fake sad face. “Oh, well Cousineau doesn’t allow people who aren’t in the class to stay.”

“She got my permission,” Gene said. “Sit down, Sally, now that you’re here we can start.”

The look on Sally’s face could only be described as annoyance. She marched up the stairs and sat as far away from everyone else as she could. (Y/N) sat down next to Barry again. He took her hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She smiled up at him and leaned into him. She could feel the daggers that Sally was glaring into the back of her head, but as long as she was with Barry she didn’t really care too much. She felt safer with him by her side.

Gene started the class by handing out a script to everyone. He said they were going to do scene work, which meant they were going to assign roles and act out a scene. There were only a small handful of roles within the scene, so not everyone was going to get a chance, but Gene said they would switch and have other people do the roles in the following class. He passed (Y/N) a script just so she could follow along and went on to assign the roles. The big two went to Barry and Sally, while the two smaller roles went to two other male students, Nick and Eric.

“The scene is of two former love birds having a domestic dispute over the custody of their son, who will be played by Eric, and then Nick, you’ll be playing the brother to Sally’s character who is coming to try and defuse the whole situation,” Gene explained.

“Shouldn’t be hard for them,” someone behind (Y/N) muttered.

She tried not to be too upset over Sally getting the lead with Barry, conveniently when the scene was about two exes. It wasn’t like Barry was never going to act with Sally ever during class, and Barry had already told her how Sally was essentially the star of Gene’s class. But she couldn’t help but feel a little uncomfortable with what she was going to be witnessing. At least the scene was ex-lovers and not current.

They set up for the scene on stage, with Barry stood off to the side as he was meant to enter when the scene started. Sally and Eric were stood on the other side of the stage, with Eric on his knees to portray a young child. (Y/N) giggled to herself at how he looked, which earned her a quick glare from Sally. When they made eye contact, (Y/N) slowly sunk down into her seat.

“Okay, and...” Gene said, taking his seat in the front row. “Action!”

Barry walked on and mimed knocking at a door. Sally opened the “door” and asked, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here for Mike. It’s my weekend with him.”

“Your weekend?!” Sally snapped, her voice sounding a bit more vicious than the words needed to be.

“Cut!” Gene said. “Sally, reel it in a little for now, okay? Your character isn’t lashing out at Barry yet.”

Sally huffed a sigh and nodded. Gene told them to take it from Sally’s line.

“Your weekend?” Sally asked, a lot less angry than before.

“Yeah, that’s how custody agreements work, Julie. You had him for the week, not I get him for the weekend, remember?”

“I told you he was staying with me this weekend. He has a birthday -” 

“‘It’s my dad’s birthday’,” Gene corrected.

“Right, sorry.” Sally quickly got back into character to try again. “I told you he was staying with me this weekend. It’s my dad’s birthday, he wants all of us to go spend the weekend at his cabin.”

“You certainly did not tell me that, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.”

Sally opened her mouth to say her line, but hesitated. She looked down at her script quickly. Everyone in the room looked at each other, and (Y/N) heard a few murmurs.

“Sally?” Gene prompted.

“Sorry, I lost my spot,” Sally said.

“Do you want to start from the top?” Gene asked.

“No, no, it’s fine. I’ll find it. Uh.”

She was looking at the page for so long that Barry tried to reach over to point out where they were. She jerked her paper away from him and muttered something along the lines of “I got it”.

“Say your line again, Barry,” Gene said, sounding somewhat exasperated.

“You certain did not tell me that, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.”

“It’s not my fault that you don’t listen, Sam. I definitely told you that Mike is staying with me this weekend. You can take him next week if you want, but I already agreed to these plans with dad.”

“I can’t take him next week, Julie, I have work. That’s why we agreed on weekend custody for the time being. Who’s going to look after him while I’m working in the evening.”

(Y/N) was engrossed in the scene. Well, in Barry acting the scene, anyways. He was doing really well, even with Sally’s screw ups. She had seen him rehearse at home before, but he did seem to be in his element here. It made her want to see him in an actual play even more than she did before.

At one point, when Sally had fumbled a line again, Barry turned to meet (Y/N)’s eye. She smiled at him and gave him a thumbs up. He smiled back and winked at her.

Sally scowled. “Hey, don’t break the scene!”

“Too late,” Eric said from the side of the stage.

“Really, Sally, maybe we take five to go over the scene alone,” Gene suggested.

“No, I’m fine. It’s her.”

Everyone followed Sally’s outstretched finger to look at (Y/N). She felt her face burn. “I-I’m just...watching.”

“You’re sitting there judging me,” Sally insisted. “I can see it. You’re judging me and it’s fucking me up.”

“Sally, I think you may be over exaggerating a little,” Barry said. “She’s just watching.”

“No. She’s judging me, and I want her out!”

Sally crossed her arms and looked to Gene. She seemed to be the only one in the room against (Y/N). Even Gene looked frustrated with the way Sally was acting. He ran a hand over his face and heaved a heavy sigh, but then surprised everyone by saying, “I’m sorry (Y/N), you’ll have to leave.”

If there was any way to feel even more embarrassed, (Y/N) was definitely feeling it in that moment. The blush in her face from Sally’s earlier claims deepened a lot.

“Mr. Cousineau, that’s not fair,” Barry argued.

“I’m sorry, Barry, but if it will get Sally to shut up and act better, then (Y/N) will just have to go.”

Everyone was still looking at her. She slowly rose from her seat, moving mainly on autopilot as she was too in shock to think about what she was doing. Suddenly, she felt like she was back in high school. Sally was like the mean girl who everyone loathed but followed out of fear of her wrath, including the teacher, apparently. She even looked so smug as (Y/N) started to leave, reveling in her win.

But, as she reached the door, (Y/N) remembered that they weren’t in high school anymore. They were adults, and she was about to act like an adult.

She turned back to say, “Sally, you’re a bitch.”

There was a collective gasp from the students.

Before Sally could respond, (Y/N) continued, “You are a cold hearted, selfish, self centered bitch. You think because you played a few lead roles in stage plays, and had a few five second cameos in whatever CSI is currently on air, that you run the world. But the truth is, you’re just a high school mean girl that peaked before you even graduated.”

(Y/N) glanced at Barry, who was watching her with a shocked look on his face. She wasn’t sure if he was upset at her outburst or just surprised by it. Either way, she couldn’t stop herself now. She was on a roll.

“You never deserved Barry,” she said. “You treated him like you treat everyone else: like a prop to get yourself ahead. When he was no longer useful to you, you dumped him and let him be broken for months. And now you can’t stand that he’s happy again with someone who genuinely cares for him, so you have to try to ruin that. Well, I’ll tell you something, you may have kicked me out, but I’m still the one who gets to have Barry come home to me. You go home to, what, your empty house and one page script for your next miniscule role?”

The room was silent. There was many emotions on everyone’s faces. No one made any move to speak or anything, so (Y/N) took it as her cue to leave. She hurried out the door, leaving the sound of it closing behind her to echo through the room.

The cool evening air cooled down her burning face as she crossed the parking lot to Barry’s car. Once she reached it, she felt the anger subsiding and a slight feeling of guilt crept into her. She didn’t regret what she said at all, but maybe she could’ve done it a better way. Like maybe not in front of Barry’s entire acting class and his acting teacher.

She went to open the car door, but realized Barry had the keys. Obviously, it was his car, but she had been so angry she had forgotten she didn’t have the key. She sighed and leaned against the car. In that moment, the building door opened again. (Y/N) looked up to see Barry was approaching her.

“I’m so sorry, Barry,” she said. “I know I shouldn’t have snapped like that in front of everyone. I was just angry and I refused to let her embarrass me before I left - ”

Barry cut her off by cupping her face and kissing her. She was taken by surprise and pulled away to ask, “You’re not mad?”

“I am the opposite of mad,” he said. “I haven’t loved you more than I did when you were calling out Sally in there.”

(Y/N) playfully raised an eyebrow at him. “Love?”

“You heard me.”

It was the first time Barry had said the big L word. (Y/N) was definitely not going to let him forget that the first time he said it was because she had called his ex-girlfriend down to the dirt in front of his whole class.

“You know I meant every word, right?” she asked. “She never deserved you. You deserve someone who will treat you so much better than she did.”

Barry wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him. “I know I do, and I have that now.”

(Y/N) smiled and leaned in to kiss Barry again. She was glad he wasn’t mad at her for her outburst, and she was especially glad she was the one to get to make him happy.

“You should go back and finish your scene,” she said after she reluctantly pulled away from their kiss. “I don’t want you to get in trouble for being gone so long.”

“I told Cousineau to give another classmate my role. And I told him I wouldn’t act with Sally ever again, not even during our big class productions.”

(Y/N) gasped and pulled away from him. “Barry you can’t do that!”

“I can, and I did.”

“But...why?”

“Because you were right about her. She’s selfish and self centered. I refuse to be used by her anymore, or risk having her try to sabotage my potential acting career again.”

She was stunned. She couldn’t believe he was being serious. But also, she felt overjoyed to hear that Barry was finally putting himself first. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him so tightly that she nearly knocked him over. Barry laughed and pried her off of him.

“Want to go to the diner?” he asked. “Then you can come back to my place for the night.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’d love that.”

[barrylicious]

skyhigh | willy mclean

summary: you get high with your boyfriend, he fucks you. it would be nice to do all of that at your shared place... right?

pairing: willy mclean x fem!reader

warnings: use of drugs (weed), smut - oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, sliiiight dumbification, spitting; fluff, pinch of angst and feeeeels. reader is in college, and i wrote it with a slight age gap in my mind, but ages of the characters aren't specified.

word count: 5400 (approx)

a/n: alright, so this was supposed to be something completely different, but here you go. also idk if there are any willy/bill enthusiasts who will appreciate this, but if you're one of them, don't be scared to let me know!!! O:)))

all mistakes are my own.

It’s already a few hours after your shift when you find yourself standing in front of your mirror, giving yourself a quick final touch-up before you head to the pool. You smooth down your red summer dress, smiling at the way it hugs your figure before walking to your bed and sitting on your sheets to slide into your white, worn-out Converse. As you bend over, you reach under your bed.

You pull out a wooden box covered in various, colorful stickers – popsicles, Route 66, a "dill-ightful" pickle, logos of nature reserves, and your newest addition – the Boise public pool sticker. No, they didn’t initially have them, but Willy is too weak to resist your puppy dog eyes and your sweet-sounding pleas especially when your body is glistening with water. And you adore him for it.

A soft snort escapes your mouth at the irony. When you open this innocently looking box, a gift from your religious grandmother when you were 11, you find not-so-innocent items, probably causing your Nana to close the heavenly gates for you if God truly exists. A purple vibrator, a polaroid of Willy and you naked in the bed of his truck, and the main reason you opened this unholy chest – a bag of ground weed, rolling papers, and filters. You grab one of each, along with the bag of weed, and quickly stow them into your petite backpack. Closing the box, you shove it back under the bed before putting on a thick, patterned cardigan that’s too big for you and throwing your bag over your shoulder.

You say goodbye to your parents, assuring them you’ll be safe. Then you hop on your bike and pedal towards the pool, basking in the golden rays of the setting sun. Upon arriving at the gate, you are greeted by the soft music coming from Willy’s office, and as you’re trying to close the gate without letting go of your bike, a loud distorted sound of a human voice makes you jump.

"This is private property, and just because the delinquent happens to be a pretty lady doesn’t mean there will be no consequences!"

You turn to the origin of the voice and see Willy leaning out of the poolside kiosk with a smile hidden by the megaphone in his hand. You roll your eyes at his antics.

"I’m lucky I know the manager," you retort.

Willy puts the megaphone down and jumps over the counter to meet you. You lean the bike against the wall to give him a warm welcome.

"The manager should also report all the sweaters that have been stolen from him. It’s weird, you always appear in the ones that have gone missing," he says as he reaches for you, tugging on the wool covering you.

"So weird," you confirm, putting your arms around his neck as you press against him and your lips meet in a slow kiss, awakening the butterflies that were ready to start tickling your insides since the moment you left your house.

Willy’s hands start to wander too, sliding under the hem of his cardigan. His fingertips brush against your thighs, igniting a feeling in you that forces you to press against him even more. But you pull away, removing your arms from around his neck, and your fingers circle his wrists, stopping his roaming.

"Come on, I just got here," you say, stepping around him and heading towards his office.

He sighs.

"Exactly. No time to waste time," he says, but instead of following you, he walks towards your bike to lock it into the storage room.

When he finally comes into the office, you’ve already shrugged off his sweater, so now you’re standing at his desk, your hips softly moving to the music playing from the radio as you rummage through your bag. More of your skin is exposed and Willy’s cock twitches at the sight. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, telling himself to wait, before he walks towards you.

His palm touches your back once he’s close, and his larger frame towers over you as he watches you. You finally find what you were searching for and turn to him, holding your palms up – one with the baggy and the other holding the papers.

"I’ve got it," you say with a big, gleeful smile on your face, your chest heaving from excitement.

You have smoked only a handful of times, most of which you didn’t even enjoy because it was either to fit in or you didn’t pace yourself, mixing it with all kinds of alcohol which always resulted in you spending the rest of the night throwing up until sunrise, feeling like shit the following day.

Then, you started working at the pool and met Willy, who told you you had been doing it all wrong and with wrong people. He was more than willing to show you the ropes. It was the night you got your first shotgun, and also the night Willy rejected you because he didn’t want to take advantage of you.

But oh, how much he wanted to fuck your brains out that nigh, you have no idea. But it doesn’t matter because he got to do it anyway when you were both sober. At least, you were sober; he was… kind of sober.

His eyes narrow at you as he crosses his arms over his chest.

"Are you using me just to roll joints for you? Is that what it is?" he asks playfully.

"Yes, you are actually my side piece to my side piece, and you happened to be excellent at rolling joints, that’s what’s keeping you your place."

"You’re a brat; I can’t believe I’m still putting up with this kind of behavior," he teases, taking the contents from your hands and going to sit on the small couch you gave him after it had been kind of uselessly sitting in your basement. It was a shame to throw it away and since Willy could use one in his office, you talked him into taking it.

You’d never say it out loud, but you love watching him roll one, imagining what those skillful hands did to you everytime you were tangled in blankets and sheets. You are also sure he knows.

You sit down next to him, kneeling on the soft cushions and turnning your body to face him. Once he’s finished, he pulls out a lighter and turns to you, one leg bent in the knee on the cushions and his arm extended over the back pillows, just enough for his fingers to reach your face if he wanted to.

"Did you bring your big girl pants to have the first hit this time or is tempting me the only thing you care about?" he raises an eyebrow as his eyes casually scan your figure, lingering on your cleavage, and then your bare legs.

You take the joint from him and put it between your lips. He mumbles an alright as he lights the twisted end. As you inhale, you feel the smoke irritate your esophagus and lungs, causing you to cough.

"Good girl," he says proudly, though what you just displayed was pathetic. You hand the cigarette back to Willy, and he immediately takes a hit without blinking an eye. His fingers start to play with your hair lazily, twirling it around his fingers, and once you calm down and wipe away the tears from your eyes, he speaks again.

"You look beautiful."

His sincerity makes your heart swell. You really couldn’t be happier without Willy being the perfect mix of a sarcastic asshole, teasing menace, and at the same time, the most loving boyfriend. And it’s not the lightheadedness talking.

You take his hand that’s still toying with your hair and kiss his palm before springing up and leaning into him to kiss his lips. But before he has the chance to react and put his hand on the back of your head to pull you in even more, you sit your ass back down on your heels.

"Wanna try again?" he passes you the joint and you take it, putting it in your mouth and inhaling again. You manage to hold the smoke in your lungs this time before puffing it out. Then you take another strong hit, and Willy laughs. "Geez Louise, slow down."

He takes the joint from you and puts it on the edge of the ashtray. Just as he leans back against the couch, the smoke comes out of your mouth and nose.

His hand lands on your thigh, stroking your skin, and you shudder at his touch. Feeling more clingy and horny, you move to straddle his hips, forcing his foot to hit the floor. His hands immediately get a hold of your hips, his thumbs pressing into the crease between your thighs and torso. You lean over him, his head tilting back against the top of the back pillows as your fingers tangle into his hair.

At one point, you tug at his strands and grind into his lap, making him groan and push up against you while he squeezes the meat of your ass. His hands then slide under your dress, pushing the hem up your thighs until he discovers that you’re not wearing panties. He groans again and uses his strength to manhandle you onto your back, laying you out on the cushions.

"Not only am I going to hell; you’re gonna make me the devil’s right hand, I swear to God," he says, his lips brushing against yours, making you giggle.

"I can give you my right hand, right now," you tease, reaching your hand down to touch him over his shorts; his cock is already getting hard.

He kisses you again and it’s the filthiest kiss you might have ever received. You’re not complaining. His tongue slips into your mouth, your teeth clash against each other, and a string of spit connects your lips when he slightly pulls away before touching his lips to yours again.

His hand that’s not holding him up starts roaming your body, eventually settling on your breast, squeezing it, and pinching your nipple with his thumb and index finger. You moan at the feeling, arching your back, not only to show how appreciative you and your body are, but also to encourage him to do more.

"What do you want, hm?" he asks as he disconnects your lips.

He loves the way you look in this moment. Splayed under him, your mouth slightly agape, kiss bruised as it let puffs of breath out of the heaving chest where his hand is currently resting. Your thighs spread out, resting against his hips as your pussy soaks his shorts.

You were speechless, too. It’s a paradox, really. For how filthy you can get, all the things you let him do to you, even convincing him to take a picture of you two naked, and yet, you can’t get the words "fuck me" out of your mouth.

His heart is racing too, so when he speaks, it sounds like he’s just finished a marathon.

"You want me to touch you?" he slides down your body just a little so he’s able to lay kisses on your neck, your hand losing the grip on his crotch. "Want me to touch your pretty pussy, hm?" he sucks a bruise into your skin, marking you for your friends, colleagues, the little gremlins that piss in his pool every day, and their creepy dads to see.

"Uh-uh," you manage to moan out.

"Uh-uh, what?" he starts to kiss your chest, leaving trails of kisses over the top of your breasts. He tangles your fingers together and lifts your arm, steering his lips towards your collarbone, over your shoulder, and down your bicep, before kissing back up to your neck.

He lifts his head and lets his eyes rake over your body again, stopping to admire the way your pussy’s pressed up against him. His hips automatically shift a little to get some friction before his eyes are brought back to your face by your whimper.

 "Do you want me to touch you with my fingers?" He asks as he brings them to your lips, lightly pulling your bottom lip down into a pout with his thumb.

"Or my mouth?" He lightly kisses you.

"Or my cock?" He grinds into you. "You need to use your words, like the big girl you are.“

You lick your dry lips and gulp before whispering, "I want your mouth."

"Where do you want my mouth? Come on, don’t save that big brain of yours for college," he says and strokes his thumb over your forehead. "Tell me."

"I want your mouth between my legs."

He smiles a little. "Alright."

He slides down your body, kissing your breasts over your dress before kneeling on the floor and angling your body so he can access the parts he’s eager for.

He starts by kissing your knees, alternating between the right left, before moving his mouth up your legs, nipping at your skin, and creatingleaving behind additional sets of bruises. Your hands find their way into his hair, slightly pulling and scratching at his scalp. He can smell you when he gets close to your pussy, and he has to take a deep breath to prevent himself from diving straight into your heat.

But good God, you smell so good and to satiate his hunger, he inhales your scent and at the same time licks a broad stripe over the crease of your thighs, making you jolt as he finishes his tasting with a bite to your hipbone.

"Willy, come on," you whimper, pushing on his back, urging him to get to the place you need him the most.

"What, you said you wanted my mouth between your thighs. Isn’t this what you had in mind?"

It’s infuriating, the way his expression is fucking serious, mouth slightly agape in confusion, not a slight hint of teasing. He’s good.

Your voice shakes when you finally say, "I want your tongue on my pussy."

He finally smirks and leans down, but before touching you, he opens his mouth one more time.

"See, was it so hard?" His hot breath hits your lower lips, and then his arms circle your thighs, pulling you closer as he licks a stripe up your pussy with the flat of his tongue, gently sucking on your bundle of nerves when he glides over it. You moan at the feeling, your clit finally getting the relief after pulsing for the last 10 minutes.

"You taste so good, so fucking sweet."

He slurps up the ixture of your juices and his saliva before leaning back to take a look at your cunt. He swipes his thumb over your clit, sending electricity through your nerves, causing you to jerk your hips. Then he spits on you before quickly leaning back down and licking it back up. He flattens his tongue over your clit again and starts drawing circles with his head, drowning you in new sensations like he drowns his chin in your wetness.

You feel the knot in your abdomen tighten, your back arching as your thighs squeeze Willy’s head. He accommodates himself to your body’s act-up, gripping your thighs and scraping his blunt fingernails over your skin. His tongue slides down, slipping in and out of your hole as his nose brushes against your clit, lewd noises filling your ears and accompaniying the harmony still coming from the radio. Your moans get louder too, and for Willy, the combination of your slick pussy and desperate whimpers is a true masterpiece he would consider putting on Pitchfork if he wasn’t possessive.

Finally, the balloon of pleasure in your stomach bursts, and your body spasms with release as you throw your head back. As your lower body jerks, you push against Willy’s forehead to try to get him away from you. He circles your wrist and puts your hand away, your legs now resting on his shoulders. Your chest is still moving up and down as he watches you whisper oh my god and jesus christ, and he can’t help but lean in to lick your remaining juices one last time. You gasp and grab him by the collar of his t-shirt, pulling his face to yours.

"I love you so fucking much," you say and kiss him, tasting yourself on his tongue.

His hand cups your jaw, and the pad of his thumb strokes your cheek before he lets his hand rest against your neck, gently feeling your pulse.

He pulls away and kneels on the floor again, turning towards the table and taking the forgotten joint, sucking in the smoke before putting it away again and bringing his face back to hover over yours. You stare into each other's eyes, his pupils wide, making his irises look black because you can’t to this day figure out the color of his eyes since it seems to change like the skin of a chameleon.

The pinch to your chin brings you back from your Land of Thoughts. Willy urges you to open your mouth slightly and then he’s leaning in, smoking the cloud from his lungs into yours. You inhale and hold before exhaling.

"Where did you go?" He asks with a smile on his face because you do look pretty, all fucked out and high in the sky.

"I love your eyes."

And the wings of Willy’s butterflies move, because when he was younger, kids used to make fun of his lazy eye. Now, he has the most beautiful girl beneath him, telling him she loves his eyes.

You giggle after a few seconds pass. "You’re blushing."

He rolls his eyes and sits on the couch, lifting your legs and placing them over his thighs.

"You ruined a sweet moment," he huffs, but you’re still giggling.

"So are you gonna fuck me or not?" you ask, and he turns his head toward you in surprise.

"Look at you, the grass’s finally working its magic," he says with a smirk, squeezing your calves.

"I need to get out of the dress though, I’m fucking soaked," you start to sit up, and he wiggles his eyebrows at you, causing you to roll your eyes. "Not like that."

"Should we check?" He asks with a smirk, already reaching his hand between your legs again, but you slap it away.

Except for that, you ignore his teasing and take your dress off, throwing it on the chair from where you are still sitting on the couch, meanwhile, Willy discards his shirt on the floor. You shuffle closer to him and move to straddle him, but he stops you by grabbing your neck.

"You think you deserve to be on top? Only girls who can handle their weed and use their fucking words get to be on top, okay?"

You only nod in response, and he chuckles.

"See, you can’t even answer me. Do I make your brain smaller?"

You’re so sensitive to everything now that each word coming out of his mouth makes you wetter. As you nod again, you can’t help but squeeze your thighs together to relieve some of the pressure, your thighs sticking together from all the juices that spilled out of you and that Willy helped spread over your skin.

"Aw, is your pussy eager for my cock already? Want me to help you out?" He asks mockingly, and you absolutely live for it.

"Yes, please," you whimper and he shoves you, your back hitting the cushions again. He slides his trunks down enough to let his cock out.

He wastes no time spitting into his hand and spreading it over your pussy, briefly sliding his two fingers into you before bringing them to his mouth to taste you. His other hand takes his long cock, the tip teasing your entrance before he slides it against the legth of your cunt, covering it in your cum.

You moan at the feeling of him grazing your clit and his balls being pressed against your hole, his tip reaching under your belly button. You take that opportunity to stroke him with your palm, but it doesn’t last long as he takes a hold of both your hands and puts your arms above your head.

"Those stay there, understood?"

"Yes."

Then he finally takes his cock and pushes inside of you. You both moan at the feeling. Willy reaches for the joint, offering it to you after taking a hit himself, but you shake your head. After tossing it into the ashtray, he doesn’t waste any time anymore and starts sliding in and out of you, slowly at first, savoring the sensation. It’s like the combination of your pussy wrapped around his cock and the heightened senses brought him into a paradise. And oh, it’s so fucking amazing. Not so much for you though, as you bring him out of his trance.

"Will, faster, please," he opens his eyes that he didn’t realize fell closed and the look on your face is enough to convince him to fulfill your wish.

"Faster? You want it hard?" And with that, he adjusts himself, grabbing your hips with bruising strength, lifting them in the air as he starts slamming into you quick and hard. "You want me to fucking ruin you, don’t you? Ruin this sweet pussy for everybody else."

He fucks into you at a blistering pace, pulling your hips to meet his, the skin of your ass slapping against his thighs, and you’re certain that the underside of your cheeks will be covered in bruises too. Your arms are still above your head, desperately looking for something to hold onto. Moans are falling out of your pretty lips and your breasts bounce up and down, like your body on his cock. He’s mesmerized by it, by you. The way you let him use you like this, being completely out of it, trusting him with everything at this moment.

And as he thinks about how vulnerable you are willing to be with him, it makes his cock twitch against your walls, bringing him closer to orgasm. So he lowers your hips and positions your calves on his shoulders, intesifying the stimulation with the change of angle.

"Will," you moan, and he brings his thumb to your bud, continuing to slam into you at a bruising pace.

"Yeah. Are you gonna cum? Come on."

The pad of his finger fiddles with your clit, making you convulse.

"I can feel this sweet pussy squeezing the fuck outta me. Let go, sweetheart. Be a good girl for me," he kisses your knee and all the sensations merge together, creating fireworks in your abdomen as come apart, and your pussy covers his cock in more juices.

Willy follows right after you, moaning your name as sweat drips down his chest. He stills and spills his cum into you, sliding out and back inside one last time before letting your legs down and lying over you.

He tries to hold himself up, though he doesn’t have much energy left, so you still feel the heavy weight of his body on yours. You don’t mind though, and instead of pushing him away, you bring him closer by wrapping your arms around his back. A couple of minutes won’t kill you, and if it does, you’ll die the happiest woman in the arms of the happiest man.

You’re both in a state of euphoria, coming down from your highs – at least the orgasmic ones. Every part of your body is sticky with sweat and other bodily fluids, warm breaths brushing against each other’s ears.

You trace unrecognizable patterns on his back, lightly scratching your nails against his skin. As you crane your neck to lay a few kisses on his neck, you feel the goosebumps rise on his skin from your affection. When you open your mouth to tease him about it, you realize that it’s getting hard to breathe.

"Willy," you rasp out, and he immediately understands. He pulls out of you, making you whimper. He pushes himself up, but in no way is he losing that delicious physical contact with you. He guides you up by your arms with him, lying on his back and bringing you down on him, so now your heads are at the opposite end of the couch.

He is now tracing his fingers over your back before sliding his hand down to knead your ass. You purr in satisfaction, the weed helping helping you feel comfortable even on this small couch with cum still leaking out of you. For you, it’s really like a spa. Better, even.

"We’ll need to clean this couch," you mumble with your cheek pressed against his chest, the tip of your nose tickling his neck.

"You want to wash it just to get it filthy again?"

You hum, even though he’s right.

"I can’t wait to find our own home," you say absentmindedly, causing Willy to open his eyes.

"What?" he whispers, and you lift your head to meet his gaze.

"Our own place. You know, like an apartment," you explain, noticing the frown on his face. The crease between his eyebrows tells you that he did not expect you to bring this up at all.

Your cheeks get hot again, and suddenly, you feel exposed, lying naked on his body, not even a blanket covering you.

"Or not. No, this is fine. Sorry. You’ve probably never considered living with someone who still works part-time," you laugh nervously and your heart suddenly becomes a competitor in a race.

And Jesus, the weed isn’t helping either; it’s making your eyes water. Why couldn‘t you keep your fucking mouth shut for once. This is getting ridiculous and you’re embarrassed, so you sit up and reach for the discarded t-shirt he previously threw on the floor, still rambling.

"Forget I said anything. We can keep meeting up until you find someone… you know," at this point, you aren‘t even sure what he wants and you don’t want to say anything too out of hand.

"Honey…" he starts, but it sounds like it’s full of pity, so you stop him as your head emerges from the collar of the shirt you’re putting on. You also notice that he sat up too, his shorts back in their place around his hips-

"No, I’m stupid and high, don’t worry about it," you say while trying to make yourself look busy. Despite your efforts to appear as natural as you can in this situation, your mind remains clouded by the weed, leaving you fumbling with your already-tied shoes that you haven’t taken off the entire time.

His heart breaks because he has never seen you this uncomfortable and disappointed, not event the night you first shared a smoke. The weed is making him too slow to react the way he wants to react. He is also overwhelmed by numerous emotions and doesn’t know which one he should let out first.

He wants to kiss you all over for insinuating you want so much more than this. He wants to ask you, what the fuck?

It's no like he has ever considered the possibility of your relationship ending, but deep down, there was this certainty that you might grow apart once you go back to college.

He also wants to hug the fuck out of you, seeing how hard you’re trying to act normal, but you’re just senselessly fumbling with your shoestrings, and oh no, now you’ve started crying too.

You didn’t even realize the tears spilled from your eyes until a teardrop landed on your hand.

"Oh, my God," you say, frustration filling your voice as you sit up and press the heels of your palms into your eyes.

"Wait, sweetheart, don’t cry," Willy finally comes to his senses – as much as he can under the influence – and kneels on the floor in front of you, putting his hands on your knees and stroking your skin. When you don’t look at him, he gently grabs your wrists, trying to pull your hands away from your face, but you refuse, shaking your hand as you let out a sob.

"Come on, please. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. You‘re the one with a big brain, remember? I kinda came short on that one," he tries to joke.

"I don’t want to cry in front of you like this."

"Why not? You’re pretty even when you cry."

"Shut up."

"Sorry."

You hate when someone tries to make you feel better by complimenting you when it’s not what you need. But he honestly can’t help it, because you are always pretty.

"Let’s talk about it then, alright? As well as we can with our smoked-out minds, hm?"

You giggle at that because your minds really were foggy. So you move your hands, finally revealing your face. You look like a mess, but despite that, Willy still thinks you are beautiful.

"There she is," he smiles and his first instinct is to wipe away the stray tears from your cheeks with his thumbs.

"So let me start by saying that you’re not stupid, alright? You are the smartest person I know. Maybe after Einstein. And Hawking. And maybe Newton –"

 "You’re an asshole," you say with a smile on your face, lifting your leg and lightly shoving him with the sole of your shoe. But before you manage to put your foot down, he grips your ankle and holds your leg up.

"Seriously, look at what you did to your shoelaces."

Yeah, he has a point. Your shoelaces have like 20 knots on them, you don’t know how you managed that. Trying to contain your smile, you roll your eyes. He puts your foot down and grasps the edge of the couch, caging you in.

"Okay. So, don’t ever say you’re stupid. This is not stupid. Second, I love spending time with someone who works a part-time job, what are you talking about? My girlfriend works a part-time job, so if you have a problem with her or her job, you have a problem with me, alright?"

Such a cheesecake.

"And I can’t believe you want me to find someone normal. So I’m saying this in all seriousness, I’m in love with you. I want to spend a lifetime with you. And I will be more than happy to do that in our own shared home. Okay?"

You nod, but he’s not having it.

"No. Do you understand?"

"Yes!" you exclaim with wide eyes, partly annoyed that he’s pulling you out of that hole of self-pity, but the other part is happy that Willy is the type of guy who calls you out on your bullshit.

"Good!" he calls out with the same tone and pulls the same face as you, and this time, you can’t help the smile that breaks out on your face, causing Willy to smile too. The crinkles around his eyes tugging you in for a kiss, your hands cupping his scruffy cheeks.

After you pull away, it’s you who speaks first.

"I didn’t know you possessed so much knowledge about scientists."

"See, you make my brain bigger too, not just my dick."

You roll your eyes at him again.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

When you settled back into the couch, this time with your shirt-covered back against his bare chest, you exchange some gossip, smoke some more, laugh at silly jokes, smoke some more, talk about going on a camping trip, dance to the music coming from the radio and smoke some more.

You’re enjoying each other’s company, wrapped in the comfortable haze of the evening, until it’s interrupted by a loud banging on the door of the office, causing the both of you to nearly jump out of your skin.

"Police! Open the door, please."

You both sighed. You went to put the ashtray with the joint under the upside-down flowerpot that's shaped like a cat, meanwhile, Willy headed for the door.

As he opened it, there stood a police officer. He was about the same height as Willy, with short and a little darker hair, and a pair of thin glasses perched on his nose.

"Hi, I’m Officer Slater. Sorry for the disturbance, but we got a call about possible marijuana possession. And you know…" he said with a hint of sympathy, knowing you are fully aware this is just a formality.

He’s tired of these calls too.

"I just have to make sure, you’re not in possession of any drugs and we’re all good to go."

a/n2: so, this was supposed to be a threesome fic with willy and slater. i still want to write that fic, that's why he made an appearance, so i could write a part 2 to this, but it could also be read as a solo fic.

again, idk how many bill fans actually care about fics, but if you do and have an opinion on this, i'll be happy to hear it!!

and if you're still reading and want to send in some requests for bill hader characters, go for it! i will try to get into some... no rules, no triggers, i'll either write it or not.

thank you for reading!!!! sending lots of love <333

[patchouliauthor]

Why Not? pt.2 Bill Hader x F!Reader

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI. Oral Sex (F receiving), Squirting, Unprotected P in V, professor!Bill, age gap.

Word Count: 3080

A/N: I’M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I PROCRASTINATE. Also, there’s TWO seccs scenes to make up for it. There will likely be a part 3 and maybe a part 4 because first and foremost this is for me :).

Summary: You and Bill hit it off very well in part one and decided to keep seeing each other, but one of you is very insecure about the age gap.

Your eyes opened to see the striped sunlight beams on the wall flowing in from through the window blinds. The room you were in was cluttered and you started to panic at the unfamiliarity of it. That is when you felt strong arms stir from around you and you recognized the scent of cologne and the dastardly hint of sin from the night before. You were in Bill’s arms. You wished you could smother down the smile that found its way onto your face, but there was no taming it.

You turned around in Bill’s arms and looked at his sleeping face. He furrowed his brow in his sleep, like he was focused on something. You thought he looked adorable like that. While he slept, you looked around the room that you were unfamiliar with. You had other things on your mind when you first entered. 

The room had stacks and stacks of books around. It wasn’t messy, just cluttered in the same way you almost expected an eccentric academic’s room to look. It was organized chaos, which is so eerily him it almost made you chuckle. The books were an assortment of genres; creative writing, english, joke books. Of course there were joke books.

He started to stir some more as you looked around, and you turned to him and placed a kiss on the bridge of his nose. You began thinking quite filthy thoughts about that nose, but pushed them aside as you say his dark lashes flutter open, revealing his beautiful blue eyes.

“Morning.” He said in a gravelly morning voice. You felt the heat rise to your cheeks at the sound, matched with his messy brown hair and hazy, sleep-filled eyes. 

“‘Morning.” You respond. He smiled and kissed you softly. You savored every second of his lips on yours. He slowly started to deepen the kiss and then suddenly pulled away.

“Would you like breakfast?” He asked. You were obviously flustered by the kiss and looked it. He tried to hold back a smirk at your appearance but did not do a great job. 

“Maybe in a minute?” You whispered. He smiled a big toothy grin at you and kissed you once again. It immediately resumed the previous passion, and then continued to grow more and more desperate. You reached down to find him still naked and already very hard. You smiled into the kiss and climbed on top of him. He gasped slightly as you straddled him.

You never broke the kiss, not even when you began sliding up and down on his hard cock. You moved tantalizingly slowly, sliding up down his length while his tip rested on his stomach. 

“Oh honey. Please go faster.” He said, gripping your hips hard enough to bruise but not pushing you any faster than you are going. His words spur you on and you do as he asks. Both of you moaned in unison, with him whispering dirty things in your ear as you grinded on him. You threw your head back in ecstasy.

“Hon, I need to be inside you right now.” He said, not demanding but instead just matter-of-fact. You slipped him inside you immediately. You began to bounce on him, writing your name with your hips. You could feel every vein on his cock inside your walls. He took his hands off of your hips to smack your ass, and everytime he did so it sent a surge of pleasure through you. You began to falter as you approached your climax. He noticed and immediately started rubbing lazy circles on your clit, trying to throw you headfirst into it. It worked, and you came hard all over him. 

As you came down from your high, you felt him flip you over onto your stomach. You could feel the carpet under your feet as you realized you were hanging off of the bed, and you knew he was right behind you. He leaned over, pressing his chest to your back.

“Let me know when you are ready to continue.” He whispered into your ear. You smiled and gave him a weak thumbs up.

He lined himself up with your entrance and slowly pushed back into you. It took no effort at all with how wet you were. He started with slow, deep thrusts, until he built back up to a steady pace. You felt the bed moving underneath you with each push. He leaned back over you, putting his hands underneath your stomach and pushing you into him.

“You feel so good wrapped around me like this.” He whispered into your ear. He continued with his relentless thrusts and you gripped the sheets tightly. You could feel yourself climbing back up to your peak everytime he hit that spot within you. You knew you wouldn’t last much longer and you hoped he was close too.

“Bill, baby, you’re going to make me cum.” You said. He groaned at the words and picked up the pace until it was almost animalistic. The coil in your lower stomach continued to tighten until all of sudden it broke and you came undone for the second time this morning. Your release prompted his own, and he expertly pulled out and came all over your ass.

He layed back down on the bed beside you while you both caught your breath. After a few moments you looked at one another and both started giggling. Something about him made you giddy; every second spent with him made you so happy you felt like you were in a cheesy rom-com and you never wanted it to end.

“Do you want something for breakfast?” He asked.

“Sure, but I would also like to use the shower if I can. Do you have anything for me to change into?” You asked.

His eyes lit up momentarily. “Sure, I’ll grab you something.” He said as he got up and began to gather some clothes. He pulled out a university t-shirt with some gray sweatpants. You were so distracted by the idea of him in gray sweatpants that you didn't even realize what university the shirt was representing, but you didn’t care. 

“I’m going to start making some pancakes.” He said as he leaned over and placed a soft kiss on your lips. He turned back and walked to the kitchen. You stood up for the first time since you got to his place last night, and you immediately noticed how wobbly you were. You said a silent prayer to whatever deity brought this man into your life.

You showered quickly as you were hoping to help him make the pancakes. You craved domestic bliss like this, and even if this didn’t last you did not want to give up an opportunity to experience it. You slipped into the clothes that he gave you and they were slightly baggy on you, and you walked into the kitchen, hair still wet but at the very least you brushed it.

He had his back to you but you could tell he was still covered in flour. He looked like he knew what he was doing, but could only do it by making a mess. He had his tongue peaking out from between his lips while he focused on the batter in the pan in front of him.

After mere seconds of deliberation you slipped behind him and wrapped your arms around him.

“How was your shower?” He asked, still concentrating hard on the pancake.

“Lonely.” You said.

He chuckled and flipped the pancake perfectly. He turned to look at you in his clothes and smiled again, but his eyes did not reflect the smile after looking at the shirt you had on and he turned his attention back to the pancake. 

It was then you looked down and noticed the shirt you had on. It was for the university that you went to. Did this mean he went there? Or worse, did he teach there?

“What’s wrong Bill?” You asked timidly.

He stiffened. “Nothing.” He turned back to you and placed the pancake on a stack on the counter. He cut a piece of butter and put it on top of the pancake stack before turning with the plate and giving it to you. He smiled, but it felt forlorn.

“Bill seriously, did I do something wrong?” You asked, worried.

“No! No, it’s not that, really, it’s nothing.” He said.

You knew he was lying but decided to take it at face value. You ate together semi-silently, occasionally speaking up about plans for the day or whatever came to your minds, like your favorite flowers, which for you were dahlias. His hand remained on your thigh as you ate, and he would sometimes squeeze it to make sure you knew you were being listened to.

You laughed for a while at an impression that he did of Clint Eastwood when you noticed the clock. “Shit. I’m going to be late for work.” You said and got up hurriedly to get your clothes off of Bill’s floor. You heard him chuckle as you ran to his room.

“I’ll drive you there.” He said.

“How am I going to get home?” You asked.

“When do you get off? I’ll just pick you up and drive you home. Or wherever you want to go.” He said sheepishly.

You smiled at him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “I get off at eight, don’t forget.” You said.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

~

Work was hell. You loved this job, but the idea of Bill sitting at home waiting for you to be off work was driving you up the wall, and Vic could tell.

“Thinking about Professor Dreamy?” They asked.

“Shut up.” You replied, half joking.

“Feisty today I see. Is this because you got laid and want to do so again?” They asked, smugly.

You looked at them with wide eyes before glancing over to the people that they were actively serving at the bar.

“I am so sorry about them.” You said to the customers while they just stared dumb-founded. You eventually found it within yourself to laugh when the little mousy server you loved came up to you once again.

“Um, y/n, that man asked to be seated in your section. I can call the police if you want.” They said.

You looked over at the man they were gesturing to and saw it was Bill. You giggled as you thought about Bill being handcuffed, when suddenly it wasn’t a joke anymore but an idea you were going to save for later.

“He’s fine, go ahead and seat him.” You told the server.

The server rushed over to him and sat him down at the same booth as the fateful night you two met. You smiled as you noticed he had a bouquet of flowers for you once again. 

“What are you doing here? I still have an hour left.” You said, smiling.

“I wanted to surprise my favorite waitress, and bring her a bouquet of flowers. I would have been here sooner but I had no idea where to get dahlias.” He said. You held back the urge to kiss him right then and there. You didn’t mind PDA, but with the addictive nature of this man, you knew it would be hard to stop regardless of where you were.

You smiled at him so wide you thought you must look foolish but you couldn’t help it. 

“Well, what did you want to eat?” You asked.

���Oh I’ll take whatever you think is good.” He said.

You decided to be bold and you leaned in to whisper in his ear. “I can be good for you.” 

You turned on your heel and left without looking back. You felt his eyes on you the whole way, and when you glanced over at Vic they gave you a thumbs up.

~

At the end of your shift, you clocked out and headed out to Bill’s car. He already had your favorite band playing and the car windows down. As you got in the car you gave him a quick kiss and buckled up.

“Where to, darling?” He said, and you tried not to get too flustered at the pet name.

“We can go back to mine tonight.” You said.

You gave him directions to your apartment. When he parked the car it was your turn to get out of the car at lightning speed. You practically sprinted to your door and unlocked it, so excited for the activities to come.

He walked closely behind you but when he walked in the door he did not feverishly rip your clothes off of you like you had hoped. Instead he walked around, talking about how nice it was in your apartment. As much as you agreed with him, that was not remotely what was on your mind. He sat down on your couch and you decided to offer him a drink.

“Would you like something to drink, Bill?” You said trying to not give away how desperate you were for him to fuck you on any piece of furniture that you owned.

“I’m okay honey.” He said. At his words you crossed over to the couch he was sitting on and sat next to him. You began to kiss him where his neck meets his jaw. His breath hitched as your mouth met his skin, but he stood still.

You pulled away. “Bill, seriously. What is wrong?” You asked.

“Why are you still seeing me?” He asked quietly.

The question surprised you. “What?”

“Why are you going out with me? I’m just a gross older guy, and you are so young and beautiful. You should be going out with someone your age.” He said. His words stung a little bit as he said them, and you could tell he didn’t like saying them either. He looked down at his hands on his lap.

“Bill. I’m still dating you because I really like you. I don’t care how old you are, you have no reason to be insecure.” You said.

“I know we haven’t gone out long, it’s just, I don’t want you to be doing this because you pity me.” He said.

“That’s ridiculous. I don’t like to waste my time, and I don’t think that’s what I’ve been doing with you Bill. I really like you and I want to see where this goes and it’s not because of your age or anything other than the fact that I think we really connect.” You said.

He finally looked back up at you. He smiled his beautiful toothy grin and placed one hand on your face. He slowly guided you into one of the most passionate kisses anyone has ever had. You weren’t sure how you could prove that other than that’s just how you felt about the kiss.

The kiss got more and more desperate. He began pulling on your shirt and you broke the kiss long enough to pull it off of you. You both got to work fiddling with each other’s belts until you finally got them undone and you began the heated kiss again. He slid his hand under the bra you were wearing; the same one from last night that you had to get off of his floor early today. He palmed your breast while you began pulling his pants down. Eventually you got him to take them off, as well as his boxers and shirt, leaving him in his socks. You made a mental note to tease him about fucking you in nothing but his socks but for now, joking wasn’t on your mind. 

He yanked off your pants with so much force he almost yanked you right off the couch. He tore the red panties you had on and threw them somewhere in the living room before hastily attaching his lips to your aching clit. He moaned at the taste and you threw your head back in pleasure from the vibration. He began sucking at your clit vigorously and then he started pumping one finger in and out of you. It was ecstasy. He added another finger and you felt yourself slipping farther and farther away in a world of pleasure. 

All of a sudden you crashed. You came hard and fast all over him, and it took a couple of seconds as you were coming down to realize you squirted all over him without warning.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry I didn’t warn you or anything.” You said frantically.

“You just squirted.” He said point blank, his eyes brimming with mischief.

“Yeah, I’ve actually never done that before. I didn’t know that I could.” You said.

“That was the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.” He said, incredulously.

He stood up and as he did he picked you up bridal style, carrying you to your bedroom. It was a studio apartment so he found it with ease.

He set you down on the bed and you had about two seconds before you felt him line up with your entrance. You made eye contact with him, his pupils blown out making his eyes look black. You nodded and he slipped inside you. 

“Oh, honey, you feel so good.” He groaned into your ear. He began pushing in and out of you at a fast pace.

He felt like he was always meant for you, he fit just like a puzzle piece. He hit every inch of you perfectly, filling you up just right. It was almost scary how well you two fit together. You knew he had ruined you for every other person in the world; no one was going to be like him.

“Baby, I’m close.” He said after a few minutes of his dastardly pace.

“Me too.” You said.

He snaked a hand down to your clit and rubbed quick circles. He knew your body so well for only having had it all to himself once before.

You both came so fast. He pulled out and came all over your stomach.

He looked at you after a few seconds. “Where are the washcloths?” He asked, sheepishly.

You barely had the strength for words, so you pointed to the bathroom. He followed where you pointed and was back in a few moments to clean you up. After he did so he climbed into the bed next to you and wrapped his arms around you.

You could get used to this.

[haderberkman]

Small update! Opinions needed!

Hi everyone! I want to start by saying THANK YOU to everyone who has read what I have written and fallen in love with them. I started writing during Covid when I didn't have much to do. I know it has been a couple years since I have updated, but I've been thinking about something for a while. Would anyone be interested if I turned one of my imagines into an actual book with more chapters and more details? Please comment your opinion and which imagine you'd like to see turned into a book. I'm considering doing more than one. Which ever imagine gets the most votes will be the first! Once again, thank you to everyone!!

[missbabyjay]

New Beginnings - Bill Hader x f Reader

Part 1

Warnings: language! just some fluff, I'd also like to point out that Bill was never married in this dimension lmao. I'm hoping to make this a very detailed multi part fan fic. There isn't too much in this first part... i just wanted to lay out some background details for the remainder of the story! I am feeling really nervous to post this but hey! why not!

Word Count: 2.1 k

You are new to the SNL writing team and you quickly learn that it is impossible to not fall for Bill Hader at a rapid speed.

Part 2

MASTERLIST

. . .

The rain gently trickled against your window as you laid in bed, desperately trying to draw out your time soaking in the comfort of your pillows before you began your first lengthy day at SNL.

Wow. I'm really doing this.

You were nervous, and you had to admit to yourself the affect your feelings had on the motivation you so badly lacked for the day. You let out a groan, and half-heartedly threw yourself out of bed and proceeded to make your way to your washroom.

You should be excited for this.

The thoughts were rushing through your head at a pace you felt were uncontrollable, yet you continued with your morning routine. As the cold water washed over your face you felt a sense of transparency, and for the first time in the past week you felt as though this first day might not be as bad as you anticipated.

. . .

Growing up in a small town made the move to New York much more difficult. You always had an interest in writing and hoped one day you would be able to make a career out of it. Sure, you did stand up, but it wouldn't be able to pay your bills forever. You hopped between serving and bartending as it was a good way for you to make money through tips. Your family undermined your skills and that was just more of a reason for you to push yourself out of your comfort zone, and prove them wrong.

Thankfully you had spent a large chunk of time working in stand up comedy. You had travelled to many places throughout the country and wrote for not only yourself, but a handful of other amateur comedians. You lucked out while working a gig at a comedy club in New York City with a couple of your stand up buddies; John Mulaney just so happened to be at the show with the intentions of possibly scouting out a new writer for this season of SNL, as they were expecting one of the current writers to be leaving only a few months into the season.

As you finished your gig, you felt happiness wash over you. You knew that was your best gig yet. The audience had an energy unlike any other audience you had performed for.

You quickly headed to the bar afterwards, wanting to have a celebratory drink. As you stood waiting at the bar you heard your name being called from behind you, "Y/N Y/L/N?". You turned around, confused, because people didn't typically approach you after your gigs. You were still an amateur after all, and who would want to take photos with someone like yourself? But too much surprise you were face to face with one of your biggest inspirations; John Fucking Mulaney.

You felt your stomach turn while you were frozen with shock, "Y/N, right?" he spoke again with a cheeky smile, clearly recognizing your feelings of anxiousness. "Sorry, yes! That's my name! Don't wear it out!" you mentally face-palmed yourself after the words left your mouth with instant regret. But John just laughed, he was the last to judge someone with a quirky sense of humour as he was just the same.

After chatting for some time, John invited you to audition for a writing position at SNL. He enjoyed your sense of humour and thought you would be a great fit in the team, especially as he saw potential for the two of you to write together.

You could say your audition went well, as not only a week later you were contacted with the wonderful news that you were accepted on to the team. You felt so proud of yourself, knowing this is an accomplishment that many people don't get the pleasure of experiencing.

. . .

And that is how you ended up where you were on this dreary New York Monday morning.

Your apartment was small, but enough for you. As you finished getting yourself ready you quickly made a coffee, although the caffeine would most likely make you even more nervous than you already were to begin with.

I've got this. John Mulaney liked me. I wouldn't have passed the audition if they didn't like me. Snap out of this.

You were within walking distance to 30 Rock, so you began your walk embracing the cool colourless weather along the way. It's almost like nature was curing your anxious nerves. As you breathed in the cool air you felt your heart rate slow, and your mind wander to exciting thoughts, rather than nervous thoughts.

Will the members like me? I can't wait to meet some of my favourite comedians... Maybe my sketch will make it this week...

You approached 30 Rock and made your way up to the studio, not sure where to go or who to talk to. As the elevator doors opened you were met with chaos. The floor was filled with people. You assumed majority of these people were the ones working behind the scenes as you were only met with a few familiar faces. Suddenly, your eyes locked with a tall blue eyed man. Your heart rate quickly raised and goosebumps covered your body

Bill Hader. Holy Shit. He's beautiful.

He quickly rushed over to your surprise, and extended his arm to shake your hand, "My names Bill, I'm going to assume you are Y/N? John was telling me you'd be joining the team!". You quickly shook his hand, not wanting him to feel the sweat that had accumulated on your palms since you locked eyes with him. But my God, your knees nearly buckled the second you made contact almost as though you were melting to the ground.

Of course I know who he is. He's Bill Hader. Who doesn't know who he is? Holy shit we just touched.

He flashed you a nervous smile, "Here, follow me. I just saw John a few minutes ago. We'll hunt him down together" he said, followed by a cute little wink.

Just as you thought you had your nerves under control, the world around you felt as though it was spinning. You followed behind Bill through the chaos while he would glance behind him periodically to make sure you were still tagging along.

You arrived at a door that was briefly opened. Bill gently knocked and proceeded to open the door where you were met with John propped up at a desk twiddling a pen between his fingers with a concentrated look washed upon his face; "Y/N! Welcome to your first day!", he said with a big smile while wiggling his eyebrows playfully at you.

. . .

You spent your first day working alongside John, shadowing his work and learning the typical Monday schedule; everyone would settle down at a table, including the host, and sketch ideas would be thrown around. You felt quite nervous to speak up, but you and John had done some chatting beforehand and he assured you that everyone was eager to hear your ideas.

You threw some ideas out, but nothing really stuck, and that took a toll on your spirit for the week. Lorne wrapped up the jam session, and you met Bill's eyes as you looked up from your papers, you flashed him a small smile. It was almost as if he could notice the stress that had consumed you throughout the meeting. As you were grabbing your things and getting ready to meet with John in his office, you felt a hand gently placed on your shoulder; it was Bill.

"Y/N, is everything okay?", he said with great concern. What a sweet soul he has. You sighed, "Yeah, yeah, I just wish I would have been able to get a sketch into the lineup but it's okay, I guess." you said with a soft smile, "You wanna come to John's office with me?".

The two of you began walking towards John's office when Bill wrapped his arm around your shoulders and leaned in, "Seriously, don't let today get you down. You can help John and I write the Stefon sketch for this week. It'll be great". You felt like you were on a cloud. The feeling of his warm breath against your neck; the closeness shared between the two of you in that moment was never something you thought would occur.

Holy Shit. He just put his arm around me. What the fuck is going on right now... Is this really happening?

The two of you entered Johns room and from that moment on you felt a sense of relief. Being around John and Bill just felt right. You felt like a missing puzzle piece that was finally discovered; you felt like you finally found your place in the world.

The three of you chatted for awhile, getting to know each other on a deeper level. John had been working on SNL for three years at this point, and Bill had been there for six years; no wonder these two seemed so content with the regular schedule of SNL, the process was as easy as riding a bike to them. Whereas you felt the process was like a big cloud hanging over you, you were eager for Sunday to arrive already.

You told you life story to the two of them, leaving both of them to be surprised by the experiences you've had in the industry at the ripe age of 25. You felt so young and naive compared to them though. But their lack of judgement on you made you feel even more comfortable to open up to them.

. . .

The three of you finished your conversation and you said your goodbyes. As you walked down the hallway towards the elevators you felt relieved. Today went okay, maybe not exactly how you planned it would go, but it was okay. Not only did it end on a good note but you couldn't believe the instant connection you made with Bill. You tried to not be consumed in your thoughts; keeping a sense of clarity. You couldn't deny the way Bill made you feel, but it was only your first day and you needed to slow your eager thoughts down.

As you stood waiting for the elevator you heard quick paced steps behind you. You turned around and saw Bill nearly out of breath with his hands placed on his knees. "Woah there buddy, you okay?" you said followed by a few giggles, "I didn't want to miss you before you left, I was wondering if you'd maybe wanna grab a coffee and chat a bit more?" he said with almost a flustered look plastered on his face. "Yeah, sure." you managed to get out while feeling your heart rate rise.

He wants to spend one on one time with me?

Bill lead the way, flagging down a cab where he gave the address of a beloved coffee shop he would swing by before a long day at the studio. Little did you know Bill was excited to take you to one of his special places. He felt the same as you, eager to build your friendship and possibly one day be more than just friends.

The two of you conversed for a few hours. At first you felt tense, was this a date? No, no don't get ahead of yourself Y/N. Bill wanted to know everything about your upbringing. He seemed so interested in you and that made you fall for him even more.

"Do you live near by? I would love to walk you home if you don't mind", he said with a sweet, nervous smile. You felt so enamoured by the moment, "Absolutely, I would love that."

The two of you walked shoulder to shoulder through the busy streets of New York. Moments of silence would occur, but at no point did it feel awkward. It was comfortable silence. You kept catching Bill glancing down at you and you'd meet his face with a soft smile. The evening had been everything and more. And as the two of you approached your apartment complex you felt a sense of sadness. You didn't want the evening to end. You had grown so fond of him over the last few hours, your mind wondered where your relationship could possibly end up. He made you excited to be back in the office tomorrow.

"Well! Here's my stop!" you said followed with a giggle. You turned to face him and your eyes met. The both of you enjoyed it for a few moments before you smiled at Bill, "I'll see you tomorrow morning, bright and early Hader" followed by a cheeky wink. "You betcha, Y/N".

You walked into your complex, shortly arriving at your front door. You entered your living room, placed your book bag down, and plopped yourself on the couch. It was time for you to get some rest before the frantic week that laid before you.

A new beginning, I cannot wait.

[bonkwosher]

Barry Berkman x Male!Reader ~ Curious

A/N: This is to go along with this pitch I made. I love Barry & Bill Hader so much & there's, as always, a lack of this man x Male!Reader so I decided to throw my hat in the ring yet again.

Prompt: Istg I'm writing a Barry x Male!Reader where Reader is a bartender at Residuals & when they first see each other Barry gets all confused (sexuality) & Sally tries to keep Barry to herself while Barry slowly but surely falls for Reader instead.

Featuring: Barry being even more confused than he already is, a lot of angst, Barry actually receiving the mental help he needs, etc. ~ Yours Truly

Contains: Gay!Barry Berkman, Actor Slander (HAHA, I mean nothing of what I say, I'm just setting the scene(I'm a former theatre kid)), some lines from the show but I tried to keep it as original as possible. Jealous!Reader, very anxious Barry Berkman

Word Count: 1.2k

[Part 1] |

It was the last day of your work week & you were ready to get home. You liked bartending, it was the bargoers that annoyed you. Actors in Los Angeles were all the same. Selfish, conceited, & boy were they draining to be around. You were polishing a glass when a new group walked in. They all seemed to be following a blonde woman as she listed movies. If this were your first day, you'd be curious, but that's most of what people that attend the bar talk about. You didn't realize when you had applied but the bar was meant for "struggling young actors". If that was told to you beforehand, you likely would've picked somewhere else.

The group sat down at a table in the corner of the room, opposite of you thankfully. They seemed to talk amongst themselves as the man in the middle seat, facing you, looked your way. He seemed to freeze, just looking at you. His brow was furrowed, his confusion seemingly unnoticed as the group chatted amongst themselves. That is until the man next to him tapped him on the shoulder, pointing towards the aforementioned blonde. When he broke eye contact, you tried to look away as well. It was impossible to admit he wasn't intriguing. The man quickly fumbled out of his seat & beelined for you. This time, his eyes were glued to the floor.

He made it to the bar & set his hands down on the mahogany counter that stood between you, only knowing you were in front of him when he noticed the glass you were previously polishing was still sat in your, now still, hands. You set down the glass as he let a moment of silence sit between you.

"What can I get for-"

"Three regular beers, one light, a cosmopolitan, & four bowls of popcorn for, uh-" he stopped his rushed ramblings for just a moment to look back at his table, "I don't see a table number."

You were caught off guard, to say the least, & quickly set down the glass only to replace it with your notepad to write down the order. He didn't look up at you in that moment, slowly shifting his weight back & forth.

You begin to speak as you turn to grab a couple beer bottles, "I saw your group come in, don't worry about table numbers. Here are two beers, I can bring the rest to your table. Popcorn will be ready in a minute."

The man grabbed the beers & hurried off, you followed suit at your own pace. You could vaguely hear the man next to him tease, "What's got you spooked, Barry?"

You set down the beers with a smile, notifying the group about the popcorn as well, before turning on your heel & heading back to the bar. The man next to him, Nick, now gave Barry a knowing look. Sally, the blonde woman, looked up from her conversation to see Barry, sitting in a flustered silence with a light blush forming. He quickly hid his face behind a light beer can. Sally assumed she was already growing on him & smiled to herself before picking up the conversation again.

"What if you did Robert Duvall from Tender Mercies?" She asked, the same smile resting on her face.

"Oh, yes, yes, the one where he's talking with his daughter. You should totally do that," Another woman spoke.

"Or- Or Brad Pitt from fight club!" Sally continued, pointing at Barry as she spoke.

Sasha quickly agreed as you walked up with bowls of popcorn on a tray. Barry turned to the wall, pretending to admire the different art & photos that lined it. You slid the popcorn down the table when Nick, who you knew due to regular attendance, grabbed your arm.

"Hey, Y/N, do you think our friend here could pull off Brad Pitt from Fight Club?" When Nick's hand grasped Barry's shoulder, your new admirer felt like his eyes were ripped off the wall & forced to look up at you.

At least, that's what he'll tell himself. You looked him up & down, which only made him more flustered. You began to tilt your head side to side with a light smile, signifying a maybe, something that seemed to excite Barry.

"I think you could, yeah. What's the name, new guy?"

He awkwardly pointed to himself, "Me?"

"Yeah, all these nerds are regulars. They're probably all up on the wall somewhere."

Only now did Sally process the possibility of you flirting with Barry... & it working! She glared up at you but your focus was all on Barry.

He spoke softly, "My name's Bar-"

"Yeah, I'm up on the wall! Right," she dragged her word as she looked around, "There! See Barry?"

"Yeah, I see it."

A tight-lipped smile tugged it's way into place as you realized Sally had likely already sunk her claws into the new guy, she's done so before. A barely audible sigh escapes your lips.

"Well, if you guys need anything, I'll be behind the bar," with that you returned to your spot behind the bar.

It felt stupid to be upset over a guy you just met but as you watched Sally dance on the dance floor while Barry smiled at her, sealing the night with a kiss on the cheek, you couldn't help but feel a little hurt. It was dumb. It was dumb as he smiled. Dumb as she kissed his cheek. Dumb as he made his way to the exit. Dumb as he paused in the doorway, a drunk friend in tow. Dumb as he turned around.

He turned around? He was moving back towards the bar, towards you. He reached into his pocket as he walked up. Stopping in that same spot, pulling out his wallet. Watch this man hand you some sort of business card. He held out a $20 bill.

"A tip, thank you- for being nice."

"It's nothing, new guy. New around here I assume?" You attempted to make eye contact but his eyes remained glued to the floor.

"Yeah, & I'm- you can call me Barry."

"Alright, Barry, well if you ever need help getting around Los Angeles, I can give you my number," why were you taking this shot? It felt right in the moment.

"Uh yeah, do you have a napkin or something?"

A stupid idea hit you. It's not your place to go writing your number on probably taken men's arms, but you offered anyways. He scrambled to pull up his sleeve on his left arm. You chuckled at his eagerness as you grabbed a pen out of your pocket. He jolted a little when the ink hit his skin, causing you to accidentally draw a small, black line. A breathy laugh left your lips as you began writing again.

"There ya go, give me a call whenever. I'm usually free during the day."

"Thank you," he finally met your gaze, "Y/N. Have a nice night."

"You too!"

Barry returned his attention to his drunken friend & escorted him out of the bar. That butterfly feeling hit you hard at that moment. It wasn't something you should feel, Sally would definitely be upset.

[panties-on-boys]

oh look it’s eddie’s blood circling richie’s ring finger like a wedding band

[girlyheimer]

something so beautiful about the direct change in atmosphere between the first and last two seasons of barry. i’ll talk about it a million times but it’s so fucking cool how you can see the exact moment bill hader’s vision for the outcome of the show warped into this disastrous and depressing situation. it’s so obvious !!!something about binging this show and seeing the characters go from these very alive and strong people to genuinely miserable and gloomy souls within the sixish months between season 2 and 3 is so jarring and terrifying. and with this show being as directorially advanced as it is, watching it cling onto this isolating and incredibly eerie atmosphere honestly makes it go from a fun absurd action comedy with good performances to genuinely some of the best television i have ever seen because the two concepts juxtapose eachother so idiosyncratically. such a tonally distinctive show that i cant think of anyone else who could possibly even begin to craft it

[berkmansimagines]

Karma

A/N: Barry is finally back!!!!

Summary: You try to sneak away from a work thing to spend the night with Barry.

Pairing: Barry Berkman x hitman!girlfriend reader

tw: smoking, violence, mentions sexual assault & suicide

You’re out at a nightclub. The place is owned by your handler, Diane. Clubbing isn’t really your scene but it’s opening night and Diane asked you to help out. If there are any problems, it’s your job to discreetly fix them. 

You went to the club alone. The only reason you didn’t invite Barry is because you don’t want Diane to know that you two are dating. Your handler has a strict rule about you not having relationships with anyone from work and you broke that rule for Barry. As far as Diane knows, you haven’t seen Barry since you completed a hit together a few months ago. You’d prefer to keep it that way for now. She’ll be pissed when she finds out the truth.

Although Barry isn’t here, you’ve been secretly texting him all night. You miss him. You soon realized that you’d rather be with your boyfriend than out at the club, so you decided to leave early. Diane is having a good time schmoozing and boozing. She probably won’t even notice that you’re gone…

When you told Barry you wanted to sneak away, he volunteered to pick you up. He’s on his way to get you now. While waiting for Barry, you go outside to the alley. The club is packed and the music is loud, you just want a quiet moment to yourself. 

You lean against the wall and light a cigarette. As you exhale, your entire body relaxes. You know that smoking is bad for you but it feels so good. It’s a nasty habit you hope to quit one day.

You take another puff from your cigarette, when the club’s side door abruptly opens. A man and woman stumble outside. The woman looks very drunk and can barely stand up straight. The guy has his arm snaked around the girl’s shoulder, holding her up. He tries leading her down the alley.

You furrow your eyebrows, immediately suspicious. You have a gut feeling that something isn’t right. The woman is too drunk to even stand, let alone consent to anything. Unfortunately this is a situation you are all too familiar with. 

You’ve been in this woman’s shoes before. One time some creep slipped something in your drink at a bar and Barry had to intervene. Your boyfriend stopped the guy from taking advantage. You were grateful that he was there to help. You know that not everyone is so lucky…

Years ago, before you moved out to LA, your childhood best friend was in this position. But nobody was there to step in. She was violently assaulted and never recovered from what happened. She became severely depressed and ended up taking her own life. Not being there to help your best friend is one of the biggest regrets of your life. You could not let something like that happen again. You need to intervene.

You toss your cigarette to the ground and step in front of the creepy man and drunk woman, blocking their way.

“Hey! What’s going on here?” you question the guy.

“My girlfriend got too drunk…” he answers.

He’s lying. You can smell his bullshit a mile away. And then-

“I… I don’t know this guy,” the drunk girl mumbles.

You cross your arms against your chest. 

“How can she be your girlfriend if she doesn’t know who you are?” you continue grilling the guy.

“She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I’m taking her home,” he shrugs. He tries moving past you.

You shake your head and keep blocking his way.

“Nah. That’s not gonna happen,” you say coolly.

You try pulling the drunk girl away from the creep but he shoves you off with full force. You stumble back and almost lose your footing.  As soon as you regain composure, you punch the guy in the mouth. He drops the drunk woman and you catch her before she hits the ground. She whimpers in your arms.

“It’s okay! I’ve got you,” you reassure the woman.

The man keels over and spits out a tooth. His lip is bleeding. Part of you just wants to beat the shit out of him but your hands aren’t free. And you know that making sure this drunk woman is safe is more important. 

“Get out of here,” you order in a low, serious voice. 

Then you turn to walk away. You’re leading the woman towards the door when the creep roughly grabs you by the shoulder.  He forces you to turn around and face him.

“What’s your problem, bitch?” he confronts you.

“Let go of me!” you scream.

You’re struggling to fight this guy off while holding the unconscious drunk woman. The creep raises hand, about to strike you, when-

Barry comes out of seemingly nowhere and aggressively shoves your attacker to the ground.

“Barry,” you breathe. You knew he was on his way to pick you up, but you’re still kind of in shock that he’s here right now.

Barry coldly stares the creep down. The guy is unconscious. He must've hit his head on the ground when Barry pushed him. You raise your eyebrows at Barry, impressed. Fuck yeah, that’s my boyfriend!

Barry turns to you and his face softens. He steps towards you.

“Are you okay?” he asks with concern. 

Before you have time to answer, you hear a familiar voice call out your name.

“Y/N! What the fuck is going on?” 

You and Barry turn and see your handler standing by the door. Barry immediately backs away from you. The two of you need to act like you’re not dating so Diane doesn’t get suspicious.

“Diane! Hey, how’s it going?” you stammer.

Diane puts her hand on her hips, rocking a power pose.

“Who is that woman?” she questions you, then eyes Barry, “And is that Barry Berkman?! What are you doing here?”

You sigh, shaking your head.

“I don’t know her name. I was just outside having a smoke break and some creep was trying to leave with her. She looked really drunk so I intervened.”

“Shit,” Diane shrugs.

Diane pops her head back inside the club and calls for a bouncer. One of the bouncers comes outside.

“Get this woman an Uber home,” she instructs the bouncer.

“I saw the people she came here with. They’re looking for her. I’ll bring her back to her friends,” the bouncer replies.

The bouncer approaches you and takes the drunk woman out of your arms. Then he carries the woman back inside the club -  leaving you, Barry and Diane outside. 

“Ok so that explains the woman. And I assume that guy passed out on the ground over there is the creep. But I still don’t understand what he's doing here…” 

Diane’s eyes narrow in on your boyfriend.

“I just had drinks with a buddy at a bar nearby. I was walking back to my car and I heard something going on in the alley. I wanted to help,” Barry lies convincingly. In his line of work, he’s used to coming up with an alibi on the fly.

“Barry was actually the one that knocked that guy out!” you tell Diane, “I couldn’t really fight because I was holding the drunk girl. He really saved my ass back there.”

“Mhmm. Who knew he had it in him?” Diane scoffs.

“Thanks Barry,” you give him an appreciative nod, “It’s good to see you again. It’s been a while...”

Barry nods back, going along with the lie.

“Yeah, uh, not since that job we did together. How have you been? You look really great.”

You shyly smile at Barry and then look down at your feet, trying to hide a blush from Diane. Diane rolls her eyes. She’s no longer interested in this conversation.

“Well I guess all I can say is thank you, Barry.” Diane shrugs and then, “I’d invite you into the club but you aren’t properly dressed. You would never get past the bouncer.”

Barry sighs, defeated. You give Barry a sympathetic look. Diane takes your arm.

“Let’s go back inside, Y/N. I want to introduce you to my art thief friend from Paris. He’s gorgeous and just your type.”

Diane drags you by the arm toward the door. You won’t be able to sneak away with Barry after all. You’re disappointed that your plan didn’t work out. You feel like the universe is working against you. It’s karma. This is what you get for lying to Diane about your relationship. Yeah, bad karma’s a bitch.

You look back longingly at your boyfriend.

“I’m sorry,” you mouth to Barry.

Barry’s face drops as he watches you go inside. The door to the club slams shut, leaving Barry all alone in the alley. He is totally deflated. You should be going home with him right now, not talking with some other guy.

“Art thief?” Barry mutters to himself in disbelief.

Barry leaves the alley and heads back toward his car. While walking, Barry’s phone vibrates in his pocket. He takes his phone out and reads the notification. It’s a text message from you:

Hey babe! I’m so sorry. I don’t know when I’ll be able to sneak out again...

A second message comes through:

You don't need to wait for me

Barry takes a deep breath, trying to figure out how to respond. His mind suddenly flashes to you in the club. Some hot guy is flirting with you and rests his hand on the small of your back. Barry clenches his jaw at the thought.

He texts you back:

I’ll wait

[krissiefox]

I've been working my way through a playlist of Celebrity cameos on Sesame Street and some of them have been really funny! One of my favorites so far is this one where Bill Hader (Richie from Stephen King's It!) loses his shit over some dancing vegetables, it's great. :D Some other cool ones feature Robin Williams and Jim Carrey going full ham and being a lot of fun to watch, too!

Jim Carrey's musical feet feel remind me of Mr. Noodles' odd and chaotic sound effects, and his "sad feet" sounds are somewhat unsettling. D:

[myaimistrue]

more clay pigeons for you and me. 3.1k "It's straightforward,” Sally mutters, mostly to herself. “Pee on the stick, wait until the result comes up on the screen. Easy.” "Easy,” Barry echoes encouragingly. Or, Sally finds out she's pregnant in Boca Raton, Florida.

if you're reeling about the reveal in the last episode that barry and sally have a child in eight years in the future, here's a little fic about how the hell they ended up with that kid in the first place! this was so fun to write--hope you enjoy <3

[storiesforallfandoms]

attraction ~ barry berkman;barry

word count: 2767

request?: yes!

“If requests are open, can you do a Barry Berkman x demisexual!reader? Idk you can choose how they meet but I don't really want her to be affiliated with the acting class or as a hitwoman and that. But all I know is I want Barry fluff and some representation”

description: when his friends try to make fun of his “sexless relationship”, he stands up for his girlfriend

pairing: barry berkman x female!reader

warnings: swearing, barry’s “friends” are disrespectful towards the reader’s sexuality before barry puts them in their place

masterlist (one, two, three)

The last place he expected to meet someone was at the flower shop while looking for a bouquet for Sally.

Both Barry and Sally knew that their relationship was coming to an end. That original spark had died out long ago, and Sally seemed more focused on her career than on trying to make it work. But she refused to end the relationship just yet. She claimed that it looked good for her image if she was in a long running and stable relationship, so they continued the ruse, much to Barry’s chagrin.

Sally had asked him to bring her flowers yet again to the set of Joplin. It pissed him off when she asked because the flowers always ended up in the garbage, which meant Barry was spending all that money for nothing. He wished he could buy her some cheap, shitty flowers just to spite her, but he also knew she’d fly off the handle if he did.

So there he was, starring at the various bouquet of flowers, trying to figure out which ones would be Sally approved while also not going to cost him a fortune, when someone asked, “Do you need help with anything?”

Barry turned to see a beautiful woman smiling up at him. He felt at a loss for words, but he couldn’t understand why at first. It wasn’t until he was driving to the set that he realized it was the same way he had felt about Sally when they first met.

When he realized that she had asked him a question and he was just starring at her like an idiot, he quickly snapped out of his trance and said, “Uh, yeah. I-I’m looking for some flowers.”

She giggled. “I can see that. Anything sort of occasion you’re looking for? For anyone special?”

“Yeah. For my, uh, for my girlfriend.”

He could’ve swore he saw something in the woman’s eyes when he said that, but he couldn’t tell for sure.

“But something...not expensive,” he added. “Maybe that makes me a cheap asshole, but she doesn’t even keep the flowers most of the time so I don’t want to waste my money.”

Her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. “She doesn’t keep the flowers, but you keep buying them? Sorry if I’m stepping out of line by saying this, but that sounds really shitty and like she doesn’t appreciate your kind gestures.”

Barry was stunned into silence again. That’s exactly what Sally was doing. Actually, it wasn’t even that she wasn’t appreciating his kind gestures; she wasn’t appreciating the kind gestures that she was insisting he do.

“I guess not,” he responded. “But, uh, I’m just trying to make her happy, and she keeps asking for flowers to make her happy.”

The woman looked skeptical, but she kept any comments to herself. “Well, in that case, let me help you get something pretty but won’t break the bank.”

She took him around the flower shop, picking out pieces from different bouquets to make one small but beautiful bouquet of flowers. When she rang him in, it barely even came to $20.

“Did you want a special card with it or anything?” she asked as she rang him in.

“Uh...no, that’s okay. I’ll be giving these to her in person,” he responded. “Thanks for your help...”

“(Y/N),” she finished for him. “I hope she appreciates these the way they deserve to be appreciated.”

On his way to set, Barry kept glancing at the flowers and thinking of what (Y/N) had said. He knew long ago that Sally no longer appreciated his gestures, whether they were his own or the ones she insisted on. In fact, she didn’t appreciate him period. Like everything else in her life, he was just a pawn to make her look better in her career. She very rarely ever gave him the time of day unless it was in front of other people and he was more than over being treated that way.

When he arrived on set, he brought Sally her flowers. She feigned excitement to see him and surprise at the flowers. She kissed his cheek, gushed to her co-stars, and then turned back to him to ask, “Will you be coming to dinner with us tonight?”

The usual answer was, “No, I’m a bit busy tonight” because Sally never wanted Barry at her work dinners. She said that he would ruin her image if he was there because of the endless list of faults she always seemed to find with him.

But this time after she asked, he responded with, “Actually, I’m breaking up with you Sally.”

He shouldn’t have felt joy after seeing the shocked look on her face, but he couldn’t help it. It felt like a weight was finally being lifted from his shoulders after carrying this loveless relationship way beyond its expiry date. He was finally free.

The next day, he went back to the flower shop and found (Y/N) at the counter again. When she saw him, she smiled. “Hey! How did the flowers go over?”

“A lot better than the break up did,” Barry responded.

The look on her face was almost better than the look on Sally’s face. “What? You gave them to her, then you broke up with her?”

“In front of her co-workers, too.”

(Y/N) started laughing in shock. “Holy shit! That’s incredible. Well, good for you. You deserve so much better.”

“Thank you,” he said. He suddenly felt himself becoming nervous as he added, “Actually...that’s part of why I’m here. I was wondering...would you want to go out for drinks sometime?”

All the possibilities ran through his head of how the question could’ve been taken, but when she smiled in response Barry felt his heart lift in happiness. “I’d love to. Here, let me give you my number.”

And that’s how he found himself in the early stages of a relationship with the beautiful flower shop worker. They had gone on a handful of dates. For the fourth one (Y/N) had invited Barry to her place so she could cook for him and they could have a relaxing night in. There was just one thing she needed him to know first.

“Don’t get any ideas regarding sex,” she had told him. “I...I should’ve said this sooner, I guess, but it hasn’t been taken well before. I, um...I’m demisexual.”

Barry looked at her in confusion. “What does that mean?”

“It basically means that I don’t have meaningless sex. I prefer to form a connection with someone before we sleep together for the first time. I understand if that’s a dealbreaker to you, and I understand if you feel like I’ve wasted your time by not telling you this before, but things have been going so well between us and I was afraid that I would scare you off once you found out. I probably should’ve made that clear before we went on the first date so you could get out while you could - ”

Barry had cut her off by taking her face in his hands and kissing her. It was far from being their first kiss, but the feeling it gave Barry when he kissed her reminded him of that first time over and over again.

When he pulled away, he assured her, “I don’t mind waiting until you feel that connection. And if you never feel it, then that’s okay, too. We can decide where to go from there if we ever get there.”

The look of happiness on (Y/N)’s face made the entire world feel a little bit brighter for Barry.

Some weeks later, Barry was dragged out to a “guys night” with some of his acting class buddies. In truth, he didn’t want to go at all. He could barely stand these people anymore. They had always been more of Sally’s friends than his own, but since breaking up with Sally, Barry hadn’t exactly had anyone to socialize with besides (Y/N). As much as he didn’t want to be there, he figured it would be good for him to try and regain some friendships of his own.

If only he could get past how incredibly annoying these people were.

“Man, I cannot believe you did that to Sally,” Jermaine was saying after Barry told them about their breakup. “That’s actually hilarious. She deserves that embarrassment after the way she treated you.”

“As much as I loved Sally, she became so full of herself after that on stage change up she did of her play,” Nick added. “She acts like she’s all high and mighty and her show hasn’t even aired yet. She might crash and burn after episode one for all she knows.”

“Listen, I don’t want to dwell on that,” Barry said. “It was weeks ago and I’ve already moved on.”

The guys looked at him with shock and curiosity.

“Well,” Nick said, “don’t just leave it there. Spill! Who is this new girl? Or new guy?”

Barry chuckled and shook his head. “Very much a new girl. Her name is (Y/N). I met her at the flower store buying flowers for Sally, actually.”

He relayed the story of meeting (Y/N) and how she helped him realize his worth in a relationship. He told them all about their first date and how well things had been going since that first day. Talking about her brought up his mood so much that, suddenly, hanging out with these people didn’t seem like such a dreadful chore to him. He had so much happiness bubbling inside of him, all because of this one woman.

“Man, look at you!” Eric said. “You’re basically glowing just talking about her. She must be good, dude.”

“She is,” Barry said, still smiling. “She’s really good.”

“I hope she’s as good in bed, then,” Jermaine said. He laughed and did that stupid “bro high five” with Eric and Antonia, but Nick gave him a disgusted look when Jermaine tried to high five him.

The sour feeling of having to spend time with the guys returned as Barry glared at Jermaine. “What are you, a teenager? It’s not all about sex.”

Jermaine gave him a look. “So you guys haven’t fucked? Why not? You’ve been together like a month now?”

“Oh my God, Jermaine, you’re disgusting,” Nick said. “Sex is not the only thing in a relationship. If they’re not ready to have sex yet, then they’re not ready. You’re acting like he just said she eats puppies or something.”

“And you’re acting like they’re two high schoolers that haven’t lost their virginities yet,” Antonio argued. “At this age, sex is not that big of a deal. Just fuck and get it over with, man.”

“She doesn’t want to!” Barry snapped, finally having enough of the disrespect towards (Y/N).

Eric furrowed his brows together. “Why not?”

Barry took a deep breath to calm himself down. “She’s demisexual. That means she would prefer there to be an emotional connection between us before we have sex. I am respecting her boundaries and, whenever she feels that connection is strong enough, then we’ll do whatever she feels comfortable with.”

The three other straight men of the table shared a look while Nick, who Barry was slowly starting to like more than the rest, gave him respecting look.

“So, you’re just in a sexless relationship?” Antonio asked. “Where’s the fun in that?”

“And y’all have been together nearly a month and she doesn’t feel a connection? Just sounds like she’s not interested in the dick, man. Maybe you should just move on,” Jermaine added.

This was the end for Barry. He had reached the limit on his patience and he couldn’t hold back anymore. “You know what, Jermaine? Maybe you should go choke on a fucking dick.”

The outburst took all of them back. Barry grabbed his things, threw down a $20 bill to pay for his drinks, and started to leave. Before getting too far, he turned back to them, deciding he wasn’t finished telling them his feelings.

“You’re all a bunch of fucking assholes,” he said. “No wonder you’re all single. You only see women are your property; as sex dolls that are of no used to you if they don’t take their clothes off the minute they meet you. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe the women you date have feelings? That they want to have conversations and build connections, and not just let every single guy that thinks they’re attractive have sex with them then leave the next day? No wonder the only friends you guys have are one another, because you’re all despicable and, frankly, fucking annoying.” He took a breath before adding, “Not you, Nick. If you wanna keep hanging out, let me know.”

Nick winked at him before Barry turned on his heel and stormed out. All eyes were on him, but he ignored all of them and went to his car. He started the engine and started to drive, but it took him some time to realize he wasn’t driving home; he had been driving to (Y/N)’s place.

He wanted to see her after the events of the night, but he knew he couldn’t just show up unannounced. He decided to call her first to make sure she was okay with him coming over.

“Hey honey!” she said when she answered the phone. The sound of her voice was enough to cause any of the anger left in his body to happily melt away. “How’s your guys night?”

“Over,” he responded. “I realized I started instinctively driving towards your place. Is it okay if I come over?”

“Yeah, of course! I’ll leave the door unlocked, you can let yourself in.”

When he got there, (Y/N) was on her couch watching one of her favorite shows on TV. She was wearing one of Barry’s shirts that he had left there and a pair of PJ shorts underneath, with a blanket pulled over her legs and a glass of wine on the table next to her. Barry practically fell onto the couch next to her, taking her in his arms and burying his face in her neck. She giggled and pat him on the back.

“What’s this about?” she asked. “Did the guys say something horrible?”

“Many horrible things,” he said, his voice semi-muffled. He lifted his head to look at her. “They were saying shit about you.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “They don’t even know me.”

“I know. I was telling them about you, and they were all on board until they started talking about sex and started saying shit because I said we hadn’t had sex yet.” He shook his head, feeling his anger coming back. “I fucking swear, guys like them only care about one fucking thing.”

“Most guys do, honey,” she said. “I’m not surprised anymore. I’ve had a number of relationships end before they even began once I told them my sexuality. Most guys don’t want a sexless relationship.”

“Don’t say that. That’s what one of those fuckers said. That’s just a normal relationship. A relationship can survive without sex.”

“Not to a lot of people,” (Y/N) said. “Most people expect their partners to want to have sex with them. That’s why a lot of people cheat if there’s no sex happening, or why relationships end sometimes.”

Barry sighed and leaned into (Y/N) again. “I hate people.”

She chuckled. “Yeah, me too.”

She ran her fingers through his hair as they both laid there in silence. She kissed the top of his head and broke the silence to say, “I’m really happy you’re not one of those people, though.”

He looked up at her. “I could never let lack of sex be the reason I lose someone as amazing as you. I’d kick myself every day if we broke up over something so stupid.”

(Y/N) smiled. “You inflate my ego too much. You should be careful with that, or else one day I might become a cocky bitch.”

“I’ll tell you every single day how amazing you are, regardless of the consequences it has.”

Barry leaned up to kiss her gently. She pulled away and they shifted there position so that she was laying on his chest, both of them facing the TV so they could watch the show together.

How could I need anything else when I have this beautiful woman in my arms, and the ability to call her mine? Barry thought to himself

[youngfcs]

— Bill Hader+Emmy Rossum | Crackship crossover (BarryAU)

I know evil, Barry... and you're not evil. But this has to stop. All of it's gotta stop. You hear me? Starting now.

[patchouliauthor]

Why not? pt.3 | Bill Hader x F!Reader

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI. Oral sex (m and f receiving), unprotected p in v (don’t be like them), professor!Bill, age gap, pet names!!!!!!!!!, a little bit of pure torture.

Word Count: 3550

A/N: It’s finally here! This will be the last part for a while bc this was originally supposed to be a one shot BUT I hope this tides you over for a bit! <3

Summary: Summer is ending and you and Bill’s worst fears are being realized. But it’s fun!

This summer was by far the best you ever had.

Every day started by waking in Bill’s arms, either at your place or his. It was all just sex and talking; you guys connected in a way you didn’t know that you could connect with someone.

Bill was meant for you, you were sure of it. All of the other people you had been with before just prepared you to make this relationship the best it could be. He even took you to his hometown, Tulsa, Oklahoma, and drove you around to all of his favorite places from his childhood. It had been a while since he brought someone home, and his excitement showed.

The summer was ending now, and Bill spent most of his time on his laptop, configuring the online part of his courses where his students could turn in assignments and check their grades. Finding out that he worked at the same school you attended came as a shock, despite there only being one college in your town. Secretly you hoped he commuted to the community college about a half an hour out from your town, but as an alumni he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to work where he attended.

It was fine though, you could avoid the possible issues that could arise. He taught in the english department, upper level, and you already needed the english that you needed to graduate. So you could avoid each other while on campus and spend the night locked together like you did the whole summer thus far.

Your class schedule was the easiest yet, it was your last semester and you got everything incredibly challenging out of the way. And you could still work at the diner where you first met Bill. Everything was looking good for you, and you were excited about the future.

While thinking about upcoming events, your phone rang. Vic. You picked up.

“What’s up, stupid?” You said into the phone

“What’s up with you, stupid?” Vic said back.

“Nothing, I was just thinking.” You said.

“About what I need to get you for your wedding?” Vic joked.

“Shut up.” You said, but secretly the thought of marrying Bill excited you. Marriage as a concept freaked you out. The government did not have to get into your relationship, but man would it be nice to wear a pretty dress and have a party to celebrate the best man you’ve ever known. 

“Maybe a toaster…” They said, continuing their joke.

“We’re not there yet, Vic.” You said, giggling.

“You might not be, but Bill? You know how quick older men are to pop the question. He’s not getting any younger.” They said. You thought about that for a moment, was that right around the corner? You hoped not, you needed to finish school and get a big girl job before you could think about affording a wedding.

“Vic.” You said, giggling through the new anxiety. “What was it you actually called about?”

“Oh yeah, I was wondering if you could take my shift tomorrow on bar, I have to go to the admissions office and fix my schedule. Apparently a bunch of schedules got messed up and the website is down because everyone has to fix them.”

“Oh shit, I didn’t hear anything about that. Were they all messed up? Should I go check mine today?” You said.

“I would if I were you, classes are starting up next week.” Vic said. “So, could you take my shift?”

“Oh. Yeah sure.” You said.

“Thanks a million babe, now go get back to Dr. Hader.” Vic said, with emphasis on your handsome professor’s name.

You laughed. “Bye Vic.” You said and then hung up.

Bill was seated in your living room, laptop open on the coffee table. He leaned over it, and you were struck with how handsome he looked like this as you walked in. Brow furrowed in concentration, hair tousled from him running his hands through it, button up shirt with the top two buttons undone, and his respectable professor glasses he wore when he worked on the laptop to protect his eyes from blue light. You could jump him right now but he seemed busy. Oh well, he could work later.

You slowly walked in and sat down, snuggling up to him.

He smiled but kept his eyes on the screen. “How are you, honey?”

You pressed a kiss to his neck. “I need to go to the registration office. Apparently a bunch of schedules are messed up.” You said against his skin.

“Do you need a ride?” He said.

You chuckled as you pulled away from him. “I think it’s best that we limit times we’re seen together on campus.” 

“Why? Because it’s impossible for me to keep my hands off of you?” He said, completely nonchalant.

“That would be one reason, yes.” You said in response. 

He chuckled.

“It seems like you are keeping your hands to yourself just fine right now?” You said, challenging him.

He cleared his throat and shut his laptop. Within seconds he had you pinned against the couch, attacking your neck with kisses and love bites. You giggled and gasped at the feeling.

“Are you going to keep mouthing off to me, honey?” He said against your neck.

“No sir.” You said through giggles.

He sat up, pulling you up with him.

“As much as I’d love to continue, the registration office closes in a half an hour.” He said, and you pouted a little bit. He was right, but you wished he was wrong so he could have his way with you.

“I should get going then.” You said as you got up and walked to the door, grabbing your backpack off the hook on the way. He followed you all the way there, hands on your waist and mouth on your neck.

“Hurry back.” He said, barely above a whisper.

You turned and gave him a passionate kiss before swiftly walking out the door and to your car. The quicker you get there, the quicker you get back.

~

“You have to take improv.” The registrar said, flustered. She ran around the room grabbing papers and scanning them.

“What?” You said.

She took a break from her running. “Improv. It’s the last class that is open and fills your final requirement. You’ll have to drop one of your classes and take improv so you can graduate on time.” She regains her composure and grabs more papers before sitting in front of the computer. “This is the last time I trust someone beneath me to run the scheduling system.” She says under her breath.

“So, there’s no other option?” You asked.

“Afraid not, now I don’t want to rush you out but I am constantly helping students with their classes and I have four more in the waiting room right now, so here.” She handed you a piece of paper. “This is your new schedule. Sorry about the inconvience, goodbye.”

You knew better than to continue, so you left, feeling slightly defeated.

Your car ride back to your apartment was filled with thoughts about school, what your new class would be like, Bill. He was waiting for you at your apartment, and after the last interaction with him left you hot and bothered, you needed to get home as soon as possible. You pressed the gas pedal a little harder, anticipation rising within you.

It took you five minutes to make the ten minute drive.

He was waiting for you on the couch with two glasses of champagne. You sat your stuff down and joined him.

“Hey honey, did you get it worked out?” He said, placing a kiss right underneath your ear.

You bit back a moan at the feeling. “Mhm. All good.” Is all you could muster up to say.

“Good. Now can we get back to where we were?” He said, taking a sip of his champagne. You mirrored his action, taking a significantly larger swig of yours. You knew your eyes speaked for themselves, but you also knew how much he wanted to hear you say the words. Consent was the bare minimum, which you both knew, but with him it was also incredibly sexy.

“Yes, sir.” You said. 

He took your champagne and set it on the coffee table. He slowly leaned you back until you hit the soft couch cushions. He placed soft and sweet kisses all over your face and neck before slipping your shirt off of you. He then placed kisses on your chest, one on each breast, and in a swift motion he undid your bra from underneath you. He began sucking on your right nipple, while flicking your left. You threw your head back in pleasure, back arching off the couch.

“Ah ah ah.” He reprimanded and pressed you back down against the couch. “Stay put pretty girl while I take care of you.” He said.

Your eyes rolled back into your head at the feeling of his mouth on you paired with his pretty words. 

“What do you say, honey?” He said.

“Yes, sir.” You whispered.

He stopped himself from moving down further.

“Speak up darling, I couldn’t hear you.”

“Yes, sir.” You said again, louder.

“That’s better” He said, smiling. The bastard was enjoying this. 

This was different than how he normally treated you. Typically the talking was him worshipping you, talking about how beautiful you are, being starstruck at how you look spread out before him. Tonight it was all of that, but with a hint of pure torture. You didn’t mind.

He slipped your pants and underwear off in one go, immediately pressing his lips to your core. He himself moaned at the feeling of his mouth on you, and the vibrations ripped through you, adding to your pleasure.

He continued to eat you out expertly and you began to inch closer and closer to your release, which anymore you were certain only Bill could get you to.

Your legs wrapped around Bill’s head, squeezing. You thought for sure he would scold you but he couldn’t bring his lips from you to do so. He just wrapped one arm around your left leg and the other hand pushed one finger into you and curled to hit your favorite spot. You almost screamed at the feeling. He pushed another finger in, still latched on to your clit with his mouth.

You quickly came all over him and he detached from you, smiling.

You smiled back at him and pulled him into a sweet kiss, and you tasted yourself all over his mouth. He deepended the kiss and pulled you as close to him as he could. He grabbed you and pulled you down onto his lap. You immediately soaked through his pants and felt his hard member up against you.

You kept kissing him, rocking against his clothed cock, until he couldn’t stand it and he yanked his pants down to around his knees. He looked into your eyes, asking you for consent. You nodded and his slipped inside you. It shocked you again how perfect he fit inside of you. 

You bounced on him and he latched his mouth to your breast. You moaned at his mouth on you and his eyes looking up into yours. He was so perfect to you.

He spoke against your skin. “My pretty pretty girl.” He whispered. You couldn’t control yourself from grinding down on him the hardest that you could. He whimpered and tried to cover it up with a groan. You began to write your name with your hips and Bill’s eyes rolled back and he leaned his head against the couch. 

“You are going to make me cum, honey.” He said.

You were close too, so you kissed him and placed his hand on your clit. He took your cue and rubbed vigoursly, making you immediately come and moan into his mouth. Hearing you finish made Bill follow you, shooting his hot seed into you.

“Shit.” He said, and quickly pulled out.

It took you a few moments to realize what happened.

“Bill, Bill, honey. It’s okay.” You said, trying to comfort him.

“I’m so sorry Y/N. I didn’t mean to. You felt so good and I forgot.” He said, guilt apparent in his eyes.

“Bill. Seriously, it’s okay. I’m okay.” You said. He calmed down after reassurance.

He smiled and picked you up and carried you to the bathroom. He started running some warm water and helped you get into the tub. You needed all the help you could get with how shaky your legs were. You soaked in the bathtub while he cleaned the living room up. When you were done, the bed was ready and you laid down just to fall asleep immediately.

~ After a week, your classes were beginning. You went to your last class of the day, improv. It was in the english building, and it took you a considerable amount of effort to not find Bill’s office. It was sort of a fantasy to give him head from under his desk, and maybe you’d get that chance someday, but today you were going to be late to class.

You walked into the lecture hall and there were only a few seats left. One in the back beside a jock and one in the front completely alone. You knew you learned better in the back; you didn’t like all of that attention on you. But would you rather sit next to some random guy or alone? You decided to go with the back row seat.

You knew almost nothing about this class, just what the registrar wrote on your new schedule, which was the room number and the building but that’s about it. With how busy you and Bill had both been, you hadn’t even asked him about which professor taught this course. With all of the issues plaguing the schools scheduling, it wouldn’t shock you if he didn’t know the answer to that either.

“Hey.” The jock next to you said. “We’re probably going to be sitting next to each other for the semester so I wanted to introduce myself. I’m Carson.” 

“Nice to meet you.” You said with a small smile. You began to get your notebook out of your backpack when he continued to speak to you.

“Don’t you work at Bobby’s Diner? Me and my boys love to eat there.” He asked.

“I do.” You said.

“I knew I recognized you. Hey do you maybe want to…” He trailed off as the professor entered the room and loudly said “Hello class!”

Oh no.

Oh god please no.

The professor stood about six feet tall, with dark hair and light eyes. He was the most handsome man you had ever seen.

Bill.

“I’m excited to get started but today we have to do the introduction stuff first. I have copies of the syllabus to pass out, could I have a volunteer to help me out?” 

Carson next to you shot up. “I got you Dr. H.” 

He looked up to the back row. “Thank y-” He stopped abruptly as his eyes wandered to you next to his volunteer. You were sure your face mimicked the shocked and mildly terrified reaction that donned your handsome professor.

“Carson.” The jock next to you finished for him. 

“Yes. Thank you Carson.” He said, eyes barely able to tear away from your horrified expression. 

The rest of the class went so incredibly slowly. He did not look at you one time until the very end.

“I’m busy all day today, but my office hours are at the top of your syllabus, as well as the room number.” He looked at you. “Room 109 if you need anything. But please email me first, I have a life.” He said and the class giggled. You thought about all of the people in here, surely some of them wanted to get a piece of your professor. Hell, you did. It did make you a little jealous, but you knew you got to have him all to yourself.

The class ended and people began to shuffle out. Before you could leave to head to room 109, Carson stopped you.

“Hey, I didn’t get to finish earlier. I was wondering if you’d like to grab dinner sometime. Maybe we could practice our improv skills together.” He asked.

“Oh. Um, I’m pretty busy with work and classes but I’ll definitely let you know.” You said and smiled as you began to head for the door. 

You decided to share a passing glance with Bill just to find him already looking at you. When you made eye contact, he quickly turned to his stack of papers. Something about the interaction caught you off guard, but you continued to the first floor to find his office.

His office was tucked away in the corner by a staircase no one used. It was the furthest from both the elevators and the main staircase, so it had much more privacy. He left it locked, so you waited outside of it for him to come down. When he did, he saw you and rushed to unlock the door and usher you inside of it. 

The room did not look too different than his bedroom, filled with stacks of books. He also had one picture frame on his desk, which he pushed over as you walked in.

“What are you doing here? I thought we had to limit our time together on campus?” He asked, setting his papers on his desk.

“I think we can’t really avoid that now, can we?” You said. “What are we going to do? I need this class to graduate.”

“You’re going to take the class and we are going to be mature adults about it.” He said, not looking at you.

His lack of eye contact worried you. “Is everything okay?” “Are you going to have a study date with Carson?” He said.

You laughed out loud. “No, probably not. I happen to have the best study partner around.” You said. He chuckled a bit and finally looked at you. After looking at him for a few seconds, you reached behind you and locked his door.

“What are you doing?” He said, knowing fully what you were doing.

“Sit down.” You ordered him. The idea that this fantasy of yours could potentially play out was making you desparate to touch him, despite how you wanted to appear.

He followed your orders, smirking all the way. He sat behind his big oak desk, eagerly waiting your next move.

You slowly walked over to him, setting your backpack down along the way. When you reached him, you gave him a chaste kiss and began pulling down his pants. You pulled them down to his ankles and began to palm his massive cock through his underwear, which was beginning to form a tent. Maybe he thought about this just as much as you had. 

You got on your knees in front of him and pulled his boxers down. His eyes watched you all the way, pupils blown out in lust.

You took his dick in your hand and marveled at the size of it. He was way bigger than anyone else you’ve ever been with, and you knew he knew how to use it.

You placed a kiss to the tip, tasting the salty pre-cum that was forming, before slowly taking him in your mouth. He was so big that you had to use your hand to pleasure the remaining inches you couldn’t fit.

He tried and failed to groan quietly. You kept working him at a torturous pace.

“Honey, if you want to do anything else, you need to get that mouth off of me soon.” He breathily said.

You pulled off of him with a pop. “I want to taste you. All of you.” You said before returning your mouth to him and pumping him harder.

“Oh god.” He groaned and then placed one hand in your hair. He didn’t shove your head down, but just pulled your hair back into a ponytail to keep it out of the way. You felt yourself getting wetter and wetter but you knew you wouldn’t be getting that sort of treatment until later tonight.

He restrained himself from fucking your mouth, and you kept working at him until he started to twitch and you knew he was close.

You pulled off of him just to say. “Come for me professor.” 

He groaned and you placed your mouth on him to collect all of his load that coated the inside of your mouth and throat. The taste of him was indescribable. 

You pulled off of him and began straightening yourself up. After he collected himself, he too straightened up and grabbed your backpack off the floor. You had a shift at the diner you were going to be late for.

He placed a kiss to your forehead. You both knew you had a lot to work out, but you knew that this relationship was too good to throw in the towel. You’d work it out, you always do.

He smiled at you before unlocking his door. He whispered in your ear before you left.

“I’ll pay you back tonight.”

[secretagentsagainstwhatever]

Do you know how nightmarish the Cloudy with a chance of meatballs town would be even before all the mutation issues

[missbabyjay]

New Beginnings - Bill Hader x f Reader

Part 2

Warnings - alcohol, language, fluff

Word Count: 2.6 k

I want to take things slow with this story. Again, HE IS NOT MARRIED IN THIS DIMENSION LMAO

Part 1

MASTERLIST

. . .

You woke up to the mind-numbing sound of your alarm clock. You quickly turned to your side to hit the "OFF" button, rubbed your eyes, and continued to lay in bed - enjoying the silence while you could. You stared at the red, bold, electric numbers that read "7:00 a.m". You continued laying there... dreading to get up until your morning grog began to fade and you remembered the night you had before.

Suddenly you got butterflies in your stomach and felt excitement that you had not felt in many years. The adrenaline that rushed through your body as you remembered spending time with Bill last night was enough energy for you to pull yourself out of bed and prepare for the long awaited Tuesday at the studio.

You knew today was going to be an extremely long day but instead of looking at it in a stressful manner, you were excited to spend hours on end with Bill. He made you feel giddy like a teenager again. He made you feel as though love wasn't an unnerving thing anymore. But you had to snap yourself out of a daydream - this was only your second day working at SNL and you didn't want the quick feelings of lust to get in the way of your success and professionalism.

. . .

You quickly showered, made your coffee, packed your book bag and made your way to the studio. Unlike yesterday, when you were met with the chaos after exiting the elevator, you didn't feel the same. Sure, you were still slightly overwhelmed but you knew where to head. You made your way to John's office and lightly knocked before opening the door. As you walk in John and Bill were sitting beside each other messing around while filling the room with laughter.

When they noticed you had entered the room they both lit up even more, "Y/N!" Bill exclaimed with a wide smile shining across his face. He quickly got up and did a little jog over to you followed by a big, warm embrace. Oh my god. You really felt like you belonged with these two which made this job even more unimaginable. John gave you a playful look after Bill set you down, "Well hello there Y/N, excited for your first day of writing?".

The three of you worked together throughout the day, picking away at details in the sketch while making sure you explored any possible joke for the piece. Stefon had already be on air a handful of times so the story line was quite developed before you joined. The three of you decided that this episode would be Valentines Day related as the 14th of February was coming up on Monday.

You managed to come up with a bit where Bill would do an impression of a coked up gremlin. You weren't sure where it really came from; maybe it was from watching Pulp Fiction recently? Bill and John absolutely loved it though, and you finally became comfortable with the writing process at SNL.

The day lasted as long as you had expected. You were introduced to Fred when he popped in and offered to pick up dinner for the three of you. You finalized the writing and headed home for the night. Bill pulled you to the side just before you left the office, "Y/N, would you uh- mind maybe giving me your uh- number? Just in case, ya know?" he said in a nervous tone while rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, of course." you gave bill a gentle smile while you took his phone and entered your number. He sent you a text to make sure everything was right,

bill: this is william! ;)

You giggled and said goodbye to Bill. On your way home you received yet another text from him,

bill: it was really awesome working with you today. I can't wait for rehearsals. I have some anxiety when it comes to being on live TV so i'm hoping you being there will help ;)

Yet again you got goosebumps across your whole body. This man had a fucking hold on you like no other person. You were trying so hard to not let this interfere with work, but you were unsure of how long you could hold you feelings back. And little did you know, Bill felt the same way.

. . .

Saturday night quickly crept up behind you and sooner than later you were prepping for your first live show. The anxiety that had left you throughout the week reappeared in your mind; slowly picking away at your every thought. You couldn't comprehend how the actors were feeling in that moment; being on live TV seemed terrifying to you and you just hoped no one would ever pitch the idea of you taking part in a sketch. Sweat was beginning to accumulate on your temple, and your eyes darted around the room. You were hopeful for the Stefon appearance tonight - you, Bill and John seemed really confident that it would get a good laugh from the crowd.

As you watched the crew assemble the opening set you caught Bill walking up to you out of the corner of your eye, "Well hey there Hader! Excited?" you said as you glanced at him with a cheerful look. But to your surprise you could tell Bill was not in his usual state. His eyes shone a worried look and his face showed he was in distress.

"Y/N, I'm freaking out. I thought I was going to have my anxiety under control tonight but I'm so nervous. I mean... you're watching, and I feel so much pressure when I do Stefon, and I've just got a lot on my mind tonight-", Bill kept rambling on when you stopped him, "Bill, why are you nervous that i'm here?", quickly Bills worried look turned into a flustered look as his cheeks became rosy, "I-uh, I just want to make sure I do a good job in front of you, ya know? and make sure I tell the awesome jokes you wrote the best I can.."

You reached up and softly touched Bills shoulder, "don't worry Hader, you're going to do great and I'm going to be right here cheering you on". The tenseness in Bills body relaxed and he took a deep breath, "Thank you, Y/N. I really appreciate you" he said and leaned in to give you a loving hug.

Keep your shit together Y/N. Keep your cool!

. . .

You proudly watched Bill while you stood with John. You could hear John almost deviously laughing as you glanced over to him; he was changing the upcoming cue card spontaneously, "John? What the hell are you doing?" You said with concern, as you knew Bill was already feeling anxious. John let you know that sometimes he would change the cue cards last minute to make Hader break. And to your amazement Bill broke in the most perfect way; the crowd fell into a fit of laughter.

As soon as Bill was finished on stage he ran right to you and engulfed you in his arms, "Seeing you laugh throughout the sketch made me get through it" he whispered into your ear. At first you body stiffened, but when you heard those words come out of Bill's mouth you felt your body melt and you became comfortable in his arms. You tightened your grip around bills waist, "I am so glad, Hader". The two of you stood like that until you noticed the crew were giving you looks, so Bill went on his way to get out of costume.

I literally cannot hold back these feelings anymore. I would be crazy to not tell him how I feel. That hug? What he said? There's no way he doesn't feel the same... Valentine's day is coming up, would it be too corny for me to tell him?

. . .

As the ending credits were rolling, you watched the cast wave goodbye on the stage. In the past few days you had managed to make friends with more of the cast. Someone you had an instant connection with was Kristen. She approached you right after the end of the show, "So we're all going out to the bar afterwards," but she was cut off by Bill and John walking up to the two of you. "Well I guess you two can be invited tonight also; we're all gonna go out for some drinks at that one bar around the corner."

You noticed John nudged Bill and the two of them look at each other for a second, "Yeah i'll join!" said John, "I think i'm going to pass tonight, just feeling a bit tired", Bill followed with. You were disappointed but you couldn't show your feelings. You said goodbye to Bill and made your way out of the building with Kristen.

What does that mean?

. . .

The bar was far nicer than any bar you had gone to before, even the ones you had performed stand up in. You were excited to spend some time with the team outside of the studio. Things were always so overwhelming and time crunched at work that it truly didn't allow you to get to know each other better. Kristen proceeded to order the group a round of shots and you ordered your favourite drink.

You were genuinely looking forward to celebrating tonight; you were surrounded by people who wanted the same thing out of life as yourself, people who were loving, people who were supportive. "You've already been such a great addition to the team, Y/N!" exclaimed Kristen, "Cheers!". The group of you took your shots and you began to celebrate the night.

After a possible few to many drinks, you checked your phone; the clock read "2:43 am". Oh my god, how is it so late already? You looked around the table at your team members... John was chatting with Fred and Seth about something that happened backstage earlier, while Kristen, Andy and Keanan had their own conversation going as well. You had your head propped on your hand as you leaned on the table. The bar was still surprisingly loud for the time it was. You were unsure of whether or not you wanted to stay.

When suddenly an idea popped into your head. Maybe not a great idea, but it was something your drunken mind was wanting to do; you took out your phone and pulled up Bill's contact...

Y/N: hey hader, I don't know if you're up still but could you come grab me from the bar?

You sat nervously waiting for his response. In the meantime you got your bill and paid for your drinks. Kristen noticed you gathering your things, "You heading out soon hun?" You smiled at her, "Yeah, i'm pretty tired and I want to take advantage of the day off tomorrow". You gave a few of your castmates a hug goodbye and made your way to the exit.

As you were nearing the door you felt a vibration in your pocket. When you pulled out your phone you saw that Bill was calling you,

"Y/N, where are you at right now? Are you ok?"

You could tell he was concerned.

"Everything is fine Bill, I was just hoping you could maybe pick me up from the bar? I don't want to walk home and I didn't really get the chance to talk to you after the show today. I know it's late and this might be really stupid but oh well! I am already on the phone with you.."

There was a nervousness to your voice, but you didn't hold back.

"I'll be there in 15"

. . .

You waited anxiously outside. You didn't want to go back into the bar, fearing that everyone would be confused as to why you were coming back. All of a sudden you saw a car pull up; the passenger window rolled down and you were met with Bill's handsome face, "C'mon get in! You look freezing!". He was right - the rigid temperature of the New York winter was slicing against your skin. You were looking forward to the warmth of Bill's car, and his presence.

The second you sat down in Bill's car the words starting rushing out of your mouth, "Bill, I like you. I like you more than friends. I know we barely know each other but I feel so connected to you already. And the hug you gave me after you got off stage just felt so right. I know you probably think i'm crazy but I had to get this off my chest," you said switching between looking forward and looking at him.

Bill sat there in shock without saying anything, which made you worried about being so honest with him. Finally he snapped out of his daze, "I- I like you too, Y/N. Right from the moment I met you. The way your eyes sparkle, the way you laugh at every joke I make even if it sounds stupid. You are everything I could ask for."

You leaned in to kiss Bill and as your lips connected you felt you world explode. His hands slowly made their way to your face, gently cupping your cheeks while tracing patterns. The both of you soaked in the moment. Bill pulled away keeping his one had on your face, "Would you like me to drop you off at home? Or would you maybe want to come stay at mine?"

You had to think for a second, but at this point you just wanted to be wrapped in his arms underneath a warm blanket, "I'd love to come stay at yours".

The two of you made your way to Bills. He kept his arm wrapped around you as you made your way to his apartment door. You sat down your book bag as you entered, already feeling comfortable. "Make yourself at home." Bill said to you with a warm smile, "Follow me". He lead you to his bedroom where he grabbed a t-shirt of his as well as some sweatpants.

You sat on the bed rubbing your temples; the alcohol was beginning to catch up to you and you felt a migraine coming on. Bill noticed, "Let me grab you some water and some advil. Here, put these on and get comfortable in bed." He left the room and came back a few minutes later with a cup of cold water and some advil.

Bill's heart fluttered when he saw you bundled up in his clothes, sat on his bed with your knees pulled to your chest. She's so beautiful. He knew from the second that you called him earlier that something would happen tonight. He wasn't quite sure what, but he was so thankful his phone woke him up. His love was already growing for you and he was glad he could take care of you.

You took the advil and drank some water while Bill undressed himself and got comfortable. He turned the TV on and crawled into bed next to you. He extended his arm towards you - motioning for you to cuddle into him. And there you were, laying in Bill Hader's arms. You could hear his heartbeat and feel his warmth, "Thanks Hader" you said as you kissed him on the cheek. Before you could say anything else your body became heavy and you quickly drifted off to sleep.

Bill looked down to see you gracefully asleep on his chest. He smiled and placed a kiss on the top of your head. He continued to watch TV until he drifted off to sleep as well.