#Bezos looks like a thumb

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Jonathan V. Last at The Bulwark:

Nobody cares about media stories but the announcement over the weekend that ABC News decided to settle Donald Trump’s weak defamation suit for $15 million is a big forking deal.

(1) ABC News didn’t settle. Disney did.

I do not have inside information but a decision this consequential was almost certainly not made by Almin Karamehmedovic, the president of ABC News. It probably wasn’t made by his boss, Debra OConnell, who runs the news group for Disney Entertainment Networks. I’d bet the milk money that Bob Iger—the CEO of Disney and one of the most important corporate executives in America—made the final call on settling with Trump. Because this is a decision that affects the entire corporation’s relationship to the federal government. And while it might be against the interest of ABC News to sell out its journalists, it’s very much in the interest of the Walt Disney Company to be on good terms with a president who is open about punishing his enemies and rewarding his friends.

(2) All of corporate America is making the peace.

We talked about Trump’s tribute/protection racket last week and how Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg have gotten right with Big Orange. Add Disney to the list. This is an important development because Bezos and Zuckerberg are founder/owners. They have gigantic personal stakes in their companies and thus a great deal to lose. But Iger is just a normal CEO. Which is to say: He’s a hired hand. For sure, Bob Iger is well compensated for his work, but he doesn’t “own” Disney. And if even workaday CEOs like Iger—who have much less to lose than founders—are going to accommodate themselves to Trump, then everyone is going to fall in line.

(3) The media has already capitulated.

Over at the Los Angeles Times the billionaire owner is openly putting his thumb on the scale to make the paper more hospitable to Trump. Writers and editors at the Washington Post are running for the exits as Bezos’s new Trump-friendly publisher mucks about. Time magazine named Trump “Man of the Year” and the magazine’s owner said that Trump’s election “marks a time of great promise” for America and that “we look forward to working together.”1 Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski presented themselves at Trump’s court to reset their relationship and then discovered a delicate sensibility concerning on-air criticism of Trump cabinet nominees. And now Disney has cut off ABC News at the knees and put everyone in its news division on notice that they will not be supported by corporate if they make enemies with Trump world. What is capitulation going to look like going forward? Mainstream news outlets aren’t going to start fluffing Trump. The capitulation will look more like this: (1) They’ll try to buy protection by employing Trump favorites. That’s what the LA Times did by bringing in Scott Jennings. Media companies will hope that by paying people who have access to Trump they can persuade Trump to leave them alone. (2) They’ll cut down on platforming Trump critics who are in DGAF mode. Instead, they’ll favor tame critics who stay in the realm of normal kabuki theater. (3) They’ll start leaving things unsaid.

[...]

3. Lawfare

One more thing about the asymmetry of Trump’s defamation claim against ABC News. Fox News broadcasts regularly refer to the “Biden crime family.” A guest on Newsmax called President Joe Biden—who has never been convicted of any crimes—the “head of the Biden crime family.” In May 2020 Donald Trump Jr. authored an Instagram post with a picture of Biden saying: “See you later, alligator” alongside an image of an alligator saying: “In a while, pedophile.” On September 15, 2020 Donald Trump himself insinuated that Joe Biden was a pedophile, retweeting a post with the hashtag “#PedoBiden.” Joe Biden didn’t file defamation suits against the Trumps père et fils. We have established a playing field in which the forces of MAGA can slander, libel, and defame with near impunity—what is QAnon if not an elaborate defamation case?—while simultaneously using libel law to attack legitimate critics in an attempt to chill everyone else’s speech.

Jonathan V. Last at The Bulwark wrote a home-run column on why ABC’s folding to Donald Trump is an abject act of surrender to fascism.

See Also:

The Present Age: ABC News Just Showed Trump Exactly How to Silence Journalists

[pluto-the-demigod]

So, I watched the new “Puss in Boots: The Last Wish” last night

And I loved Death, like everyone else

I love Perrito, like everyone else

But what I haven’t seen anyone talk about…Is Jack Horner

He’s totally a stand-in for modern Disney right? And I mean like, The Walt Disney company, not Disney properties individually

Possible spoilers below the cut

I realized this when my husband turned to me and said “I’m a little disappointed that they didn’t find a way to redeem Horner.”

I thought about it for a moment, and said “I don’t think he deserved it. I think he was meant to be emblematic of corporate monopolies right now.”

And we looked at each other and I could tell we both had the same thought.

He’s Disney.

Think about it:

Almost all his weapons are representative of a movie Disney has done a live action remake of (with the exception of the phoenix but I think that’s a dig at the Fantastic Beast movies)

He wants all the power for himself so no one can have any

HE LITERALLY HAS A THUMB IN EVERYONES PIE

Family, trust, and friendship were the main things that saved the other characters and made them redeemable. Jack had no respect for the people that worked for him, even going so far as to kill them ALMOST ON PURPOSE

He may also be stand-ins for Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk but I think it’s fascinating that the company and franchise that opened up with This Guy

Now has a villain that seems to spit in the face of worker safety, fairytales, and family business.

[theculturedmarxist]

The more I look into "landback" shit the more it seems like a grift. The landback website has nothing substantial on it, and so far I haven't found any definitions or explanations for what "landback" means in concrete terms. It's usually nonsense like:

What is the LandBack movement really asking for? The land. Back.

NDN Collectives "Manifesto" is just a bunch of corpo-gibberish bullet points:

It is a relationship with Mother Earth that is symbiotic and just, where we have reclaimed stewardship. It is bringing our People with us as we move towards liberation and embodied sovereignty through an organizing, political and narrative framework. It is a long legacy of warriors and leaders who sacrificed freedom and life. It is a catalyst for current generation organizers and centers the voices of those who represent our future. It is recognizing that our struggle is interconnected with the struggles of all oppressed Peoples. It is a future where Black reparations and Indigenous LANDBACK co-exist. Where BIPOC collective liberation is at the core. It is acknowledging that only when Mother Earth is well, can we, her children, be well. It is our belonging to the land – because – we are the land. We are LANDBACK!

LANDBACK Organizing Principles

Don’t burn bridges: even when there is conflict between groups or organizers remember that we are fighting for all of our peoples and we will continue to be in community even after this battle

Don’t defend our ways

Organize to win

Move from abundance – We come from a space of scarcity. We must work from a place of abundance

We bring our people with us

Deep relationships by attraction, not promotion

Divest/invest

We value our warriors

Room for grace—be able to be human

We cannot let our oppressors inhumanity take away from ours

Strategy includes guidance

Realness: Sometimes the truth hurts

Unapologetic but keep it classy

How about an explanation in concrete terms what "sovereignty" is supposed to mean? Or how they're planning to administer the land in relation to the other people that they share it with? If this land is supposed to be Indians' private property, there should be some kind of theoretical explanation for how this real estate transaction is supposed to lead to "the abolition of the United States’ concept of real estate altogether."

Then there's the NDN Collective itself. Generally, my rule of thumb is that if NGO money is going to something, then it's probably not radical or revolutionary, and that probability goes up the more money it gets. Black Lives Matter was radical and revolutionary, then its radical members "mysteriously turned up dead," and then it got hundreds of millions of dollars from the Ford Foundation.

NDN Collective in late 2021 was named a recipient of a Bush Foundation grant of $50 million. The organization has announced plans to redistribute these funds to indigenous individuals in North Dakota, South Dakota, and Minnesota[15] Through other funding, including grants from the MacArthur and Skoll Foundations, NDN redistributes capital through two loan pools. The Social Enterprise & Economic Development for Indigenous Growth (SEEDING) program offers loans of $500,000 or more, while the Relief & Resilience program provides small business loans to Indigenous entrepreneurs.[16] Prominent donors to NDN Collective include Mackenzie Scott [ex-wife of Jeff Bezos], in 2021, due to her concerns about wealth inequality, discrimination, and the need for investment in education,[17] and the Jeff Bezos Earth Fund, which in 2020 donated $12 million for their work against climate change.[18] NDN Collective was also funded by the Target Foundation in 2022, as one of its "Ecosystem" grant recipients.[19]

So the "collective" is itself an NGO worth tens of millions of dollars. It plans to "redistribute" that money in the form of grants and loans with the explicit aim of "wealth building." According to NDN, it defines wealth as

“Indigenous wealth is a quality of life and mindset that encircles family and community well-being and the care of relationships (self, family, extended family, community, land, environment), and a spirit of generosity. Money is a tool to support basic needs (safety, food, shelter, education) and bring financial security and self-determination so that one can live a “good life,” abundant in social and cultural sharing.

Which isn't really a definition at all. I don't know how "a quality of life and mindset that encircles family and community well-being" is supposed to pay back a half a million dollar loan. I'd be more forgiving I think if there was some explanation about what this money was intended to do, but the Collective Abundance Fund Report doesn't offer much in that what. The grant application does elaborate on what the money can be used for though, including purchasing or expanding a home, paying for higher education, business development, and land purchases.

The anti-Capitalist, pro-communcal stance just seems like posturing to me when instead of distributing this money to the community level for the development of community projects, the money is being distributed on the individual/family level, for the development of private property. This doesn't seem like a fund for all, but one specifically to cultivate a Native middle class along bourgeois lines and provide a return on investment.

To return back to the HCN article, it mentions in one paragraph:

While some private landholders may resist, others, including mainline conservation groups and even art galleries, have already taken it upon themselves to donate property to tribes or Native organizations. These acts are a positive and inspiring step, even if still largely symbolic.

The "mainline conservation group" it mentions is called Save The Redwoods, which seems to have a sketchy past.

During the 2010s UC Berkeley’s Bancroft Library began organizing and curating a particularly revealing trove of primary documents that would allow me to unmask Save the Redwoods League as the first, the largest, and the longest-lasting example of an inward political and economic phenomenon that today we call “greenwashing”— that is, rhetorical support for environmental protection by an institution actually working on behalf of destructive corporations. These were the League’s own records, dating back to 1917, some 200,000 pages of eye-popping revelations that would keep me in thrall for years.

Through deep examination of the League’s papers (I would eventually copy 10,000 pages) and many other sources, I learned that in 1917 a small coterie of powerful industrialists had gathered at the secluded Bohemian Grove, in Sonoma County, during the annual encampment of the exclusive San Francisco Bohemian Club. The industrialists included some of the wealthiest and most powerful men in the nation, and the world, virtually all of whose businesses relied on redwood lumber to undergird the swiftest and most forceful expansion of industry and wealth in human history. They created Save the Redwoods League not to save redwoods as parks, but as standing inventories for use by industry. 

STR is also a massive NGO with a yearly revenue of $20 million and an endowment of over $100 million. It's president Samuel Hodder was a guest on a podcast called Climate One, which is a product of the The Commonwealth Club of California, which is another massive NGO with ties to the highest levels of government and big business.

And on the subject of the highest levels of government, again from the HCN article:

The federal government has slowly and selectively begun to engage with the idea since the appointment of Deb Haaland (Laguna Pueblo) as secretary of the Interior, and of Chuck Sams (Umatilla) as director of the National Park Service, the first Native people to hold either office. The United States is currently piloting tribal co-management of certain federal lands, a step in the direction of LandBack.

If you're getting tens of millions of dollars and aid from NGOs, major universities are putting out papers in your favor, and you're getting help from the federal government, then yeah, I think at the very least there's something deeply suspicious going on.

[therealbeachfox]

Just imagine the video, though.

Superboy's in the background retching up waves of bubblyfroth in between agonized "it doesn't even taaaste good! *bwaaaaargh*" while Robin looks straight into the camera he's holding and intones "Even with Kryptonian biology all one can do is merely survive The Challenge of Tidepods." *shifts his stance to avoid the advancing wave of foam*

"There is no shame in acknowledging the limitations of even the most exceptional human body. The *pained sigh* "Super Son's Super Verdict" *in the background, a bent over Superboy shoots an excited thumbs up* on the Tidepod Challenge: Unwinnable. Possibly created as a form of eugenics by some diabolical mastermind like The Joker or The Bezos. *Superboy's thumbs up has turned into rapid thumbs down* For a -true- challenge, try the Robi- *Robin is tackled by a boy-sized red, blue, and frothing blur* *The camera falls into several feet of bubble foam before cutting out*

On the topic of stupid things superpowered kids would do, I can see Damian and Jon losing it (with excitement) over Jon's ability to survive ingesting Tidepods.

[ayejayque]

Six Sigma Tools - Five Whys & VOC (Voice of Customer)

The 5 Whys Analysis The Five Whys analysis or the root cause analysis is one of the 7 basic tools of Six Sigma. The principal idea is the fact that for every effect there is a cause. So, a quality problem can be seen as an effect for which there are one or multiple causes. There is a whole chain of symptoms before the cause actually shows its effect. This helps the management to pinpoint and solve the problem from its root cause. Jeff Bezos & the Application of Five Why’s: Jeff Bezos showed how the Five Whys can be used. He visited one of the shop floors at Amazon. There, he saw that the fingers of one of the employees was caught in the conveyor belt and the employee had injuries. This is how Bezos discussed this incident. Question: Why did the assistant damage his thumb? Answer: Because it got caught in the conveyor. Question: Why did his thumb get caught in the conveyor? Answer: Because he was chasing his bag on a running conveyor. Question: Why did he chase his bag? Answer: Because he put his bag on the conveyor, but it then turned-on to his surprise. Question: Why was his bag on the conveyor? Answer: Because he used it as a table. Conclusion of the Case The assistant simply needed a table. There was no one around, so he used a conveyor as a temporary table. To eliminate this from happening again, there is a need to provide tables at the appropriate workstations or provide portable, light tables. This is for the associates to use and also update. Also, a greater focus on safety training is required. We must also look into preventative maintenance during standard work. The Five Whys Methodology The Five Whys is a powerful tool. It will help you sift through all the symptoms. These symptoms are the surface level issues to the root cause. Resolving this root cause solves all problems that exist in between. Subjectivity Involved The Five Whys process is semi-structured. Different people, when they use it, will have very different results. The process is only as good as the person behind it. It is important to ensure that the team is cross functional and really involved and motivated to obtain the best results for the process. How to Effectively Use Five Why’s? The 5 Whys is a basic tool when it comes to Six Sigma. Its importance cannot be discounted. There is a lot of subjectivity involved with the usage of the tool. To obtain best results, it should only be used by a team of cross functional experts. Here are the steps to follow, in order to get the best results: Step 1 - Be Careful While Creating Problem Statements: 5 Whys is used to move past symptoms and make progress into finding and solving the root cause. The problem must be framed in the correct manner. The definition of the problem should be objective. This means that it must have facts & measurements. It must have no ambiguity for words like “more”, “less” etc. Well defined problems can always be worked upon. Step 2 - Honesty – Avoid the Blame Game: Power and politics are a hindrance in the Five Why’s analysis. Sometimes, brainstorming sessions do not work because departments deliberately shield of problems, in order to avoid being penalized for being inefficient somewhere in the past. All participants need to be objective. There must be no penalties on bringing out the past and present shortcomings. It should be encouraged instead. The rules of the discussion must be made clear before the process begins. The focus must be on results and not on the people involved. Organizations that do this succeed with their Six Sigma endeavors. Step 3 - Parent Child Diagram: The first step is to have as maximum problems on the discussion board. Once the answers begin to get repetitive, one must start the mapping of the levels of causes. If A causes B, B causes C and C causes D. In this case A is Level 1 cause, B is level 2 cause and C is level 3 cause. This is so when we are solving D as a problem. Step 4 - Ensure That the Cause is Systematic: A systematic cause is where the system is to be corrected. A Six Sigma process does not allow errors. The root cause analysis should ensure that it is not degenerating a finger-pointing activity. The idea should be to make the system efficient. This will make sure that it does not allow any errors no matter what. Voice of Customer (VOC) The Voice of Customer is not a tool for any Six Sigma process. It is the underlying philosophy of the Six Sigma process that each process improvement exercise is based on the customer. The Voice of Customer is closely related to the Kano Analysis. The VOC is broader as compared to the Kano analysis. The VOC needs to be conducted at the start of any Six Sigma project to make it successful. Voice of Customer is an exercise that is an interface between marketing and operations. The methods are followed by the marketing department. In Six Sigma methodology it is important that operations department be a part of this too. The next step after understanding the VOC is to have Quality Function Deployment. The idea is to convert the Voice Of Customer into the Voice Of Engineer. This builds customer satisfaction for the organization. Researching the Needs There are many ways to know the needs of a customer. These methods can be used in isolation or even in combination. They are to verify the needs that have been gathered through different methods. Some of the common methods are: Lead Users: Lead users are innovative users of the product. They use the products in ways beyond its intended usage. These users are an important source of information for any business. Apple is known for understanding the needs of its lead users. This is why they create innovative products. Focus Group: Focus group means interviews of a few customers. The interviews are unstructured. Customers are asked to state their opinions about the product/service in question. This is moderated to ensure that it does not go off track. Domino’s Pizza conducted the focus group research to know that clients thought its Pizza tasted like cardboard. They introduced different crusts to meet the needs of assorted customers. Sample Survey: Customers are asked to fill a questionnaire. Standard questions are asked and opinions are noted down. These are then used to draw inferences by using statistical procedures. This approach is highly structured. Customers have needs. They think these are obvious and therefore not spoken about. This method doesn’t gather such data. Warranty Data/Customer Returns/Feedback: Another way to know the VOC is to see data where clients show their dissatisfaction. Warranty data shows the features of a product that do not work. Customer returns also show the causes for dissatisfaction. Negative feedback is also an important source of information. Challenges Faced in Conducting Voice of Customer Exercise VOC may sound simple. But anyone experienced with market research will know the issues involved. For a Six Sigma project to succeed, the VOC must be accurate. A few common problems are listed below: Contradictory Data: Customers in similar segments will have similar needs. VOC explains that this may be otherwise. Customers from the same demographic and psychographic segments, sometimes have totally different needs. This shows that the initial segmentation of customers has been done wrongly. The VOC helps understand if the basis used for the segmentation is correct or not. If customers give contradictory feedback, then this can be raised with the marketing team. The Six Sigma project & process is useless, if the output does not meet the needs of the customers. Continuous VOC: VOC is not a one-off exercise. Customer needs evolve constantly. So are the technological advancements that enable us to fulfil those needs. Customers get accustomed to the product features. What delights the customer today, will be a standard feature tomorrow. The challenge of VOC is to create a responsive process. This process can listen to the evolving needs of the customers and change accordingly. This feedback-based control is used in internal processes of an organization but rarely used in customer facing processes. Capturing and Organizing: Many organizations have implemented CRM systems. This is for a continuous VOC. These systems need to be imbibed in the culture of the business. Many customers penalize the agent who is at the receiving negative feedback. This builds a tendency to hide and withhold negative feedback. Businesses must reward their agents that point out the gaps in their VOC process. This is a cultural trial. It requires coordination between marketing and operations department to foster a culture that is entirely customer centric.     Read the full article

[batdorable]

worst genre of post on the internet is ‘the year is 2050 and the amazon hyperdrones are tearing your body asunder because you said that cyber bezos looks like a thumb’ like theyre not funny at all after a certain point its just bleak

[souyaszn]

MIDAS TOUCH! ⁂ [ ryūguji ken ]

18+ content! minor, ageless and blank blogs will be blocked if they interact with this work.

﹡come getcha fics!

﹡synopsis: gold is a dangerous thing for someone like draken to have, especially when it’s in his mouth.

﹡wc: 2k+ words.

﹡includes: female reader. use of petnames (princess) use of the word cunt. car sex. public sex (parking lot) cunnilingus. fingering. spit. dirty talk but not much. clit stimulation. allusion to multiple orgasms. implicit mention of spanking. overstimulation. draken with his hair down. nuff said.

﹡xtra! repost from my old blog w a few changes. we back. see visual. and godspeed.

“One more time.”

“Babe.” Ken groans, head thrown back into the headrest of the carseat as he drags the sound. “This is the sixth time you’ve asked, y’know.”

“I know but-”

He cuts you off. “In the last fifteen minutes.”

“I know. But this is the last time, I promise! Seventh’s time the charm, just show me and I won’t bother you again. Pleaseee?”

You don’t even have to pout. It’s not like he has the mental fortitude to deny you of anything you asked of him, although he should be the least bit used to this by now, being together as long as you have.

“Last time,” he says, but it’s spoken more toward himself than it is to you. Neither of you believe it.

Slacking his jaw, Ken obliges you and lets his mouth fall open a fraction, bottom lip separated by its top counterpart by about two inches. Two inches is as far as his generosity goes. He’s granting your request with two measly inches for ten measly seconds before he’s trying to snap his mouth shut again, but you’re quicker. Two fingers beneath his chin bring his face closer to yours with gentle force while the thumb works at his lip, pulling it downward so you can feast your eyes on what you want to see— for as long as you want to see it.

You strike gold… literally. The whites of his teeth have been replaced entirely with the stuff, weaving his entire bottom row in the opulence of real karats, shaped to fit every dip and curve of his teeth to the letter. You almost forget you’re holding his mouth open, bewitched by his tongue as it swipes over the gold-plated canines, rose pink leaving the metal lustred in spit. That’s when it hits you—the gravity of what you’ve done.

There isn’t anybody in this world more influential than you. No billionaire, president, or popstar that could ever hold a candle to the flame of power you possess. You were the one who got Ken Ryuguji to wear grillz. Could Jeff Bezos say the same?

It was a hedonistic gift to yourself from yourself, a concept manifested from a I think they’d look good on you, Ken that you just had to see through to the end. Your belief in the idea was so strong, it made Ken a believer too. He felt persuaded as he accompanied you to the jeweler to pick out a design. Curious as he spared time out of his day to get his teeth molded. And while he’d never admit it aloud, excited as he hand-delivered said mold to the jeweler alone because you were too busy gleefully bouncing on the balls of your feet to be of much help to him.

He could barely get you to sit still when the call came in informing you that the finished product was ready.

“Starting to regret my decision to make you wear this for the rest of the day,” you tell him, angling his jaw from left to right. “Feels like I’m punishing myself.”

“I feel like I look stupid,” he confesses with a shrug, unaware of how offended you’d get when he said it.

You’re bug-eyed, staring at him incredulously. “Are you serious?”

“Dead serious.” He leans into his rearview mirror and pulls his cheek back with his fingers, surveying the piece fully before letting go with a soft pop. You, on the other hand, can’t believe your ears.

“Ken, smile.” He listens. You nearly moan. How could a man be so dense? “Babe.” You start laughing, really laughing, because the innocent hilarity of Draken— out of everybody on this fucking planet, Ryūguji Ken—thinking something had the capability to make him ugly is too good to ignore. “Ken you just- you have no idea.”

He truly doesn’t, brows pulled together as he regards you with visible confusion. “What?”

“I’ve been thinking about them all day.”

This, he knows. You’ve been at his side the entire day, but he can list on one hand the amount of times you’ve looked at him without your gaze falling to his mouth and lips. “You don’t think I know that?”

“About you eating me out while you’re wearing them,” you clarify.

That… changes things.

“Wow.” The shock lasts only for a second. “That’s what you’ve been thinkin’ about?” Reaching up, he holds your face the same way you held his earlier, but it feels different. More forceful from the strength he has over you. He leans into your face, taking notice of the hearts in your eyes and how they’re lidded. “Yeah, there isn’t shit in that pretty head of yours but my tongue, huh? Want me to make you cum on it?”

Your answer is a meek nod of the head, but he won’t accept it. You were too bold a second ago to chicken out now. “Use your words,” he commands, authority in his tone reminding you that any power you hold over him is what he allows. That any power you hold over him can be stripped away. Easily.

“I want it, Ken,” you whisper back to him. “I want you.”

So said, so done.

You’re under him before you know it, his head nestled between your legs like he was drowning and your cunt was the only source of oxygen left. He’s had you every way imaginable: on your back with your legs wrapped around him like a necklace, from behind where he spat in your ass, slurped the wad up when it started to drain down to your cunt, and laughed when you twitched and a reverse where he’s the one lying flat and you’re on top, riding his stiffened tongue like it’s a job you get paid for. It’s baffling how many positions he can mold you into, cramped up in the backseat of your car like that, but it’s nothing to him. With Ken if there’s a will, there is a way.

The way right now is on your back, one leg haphazardly propped over his shoulder with your toes folded against the car door, and the other dangling precariously off the edge of the seat, the towel he placed beneath your ass out of respect for the leather seats useless since you’ve soaked it through completely. And Ken? Ken’s sandwiched between both of your hickey-littered thighs, smiling up at you like an idiot.

“Still with me, baby?” He doesn’t expect you to answer; you’re busy using what little brain power you have left for motor function, rolling your hips greedily to the lazy pace his index and middle fingers set. But before you can even think to, Ken taps two fingers of his freehand against the hood of your throbbing clit roughly, laughing at the speed in which you wet the pads. “There you are.” His wide grin grows wider at your reaction to the gold in his mouth, knowing that they’re the cause of the fresh wave of slick gushing from your messy hole. “So fuckin’ nasty,” he whispers and then dives in, because he’s not one to waste a meal when it’s prepped so nicely.

It’s hard to tell whether your boyfriend loves you or hates you when he goes down on you.

Sure, there’s traces of devotion in the way he kisses your clit, but you can’t deny the menace present in his attention when he gives the nub harsh sucks, grazing its swollen skin with the bluff of his teeth. Trying to run from him and his affection is futile too; your ass and thighs carry the dull sting of what happened when you tried that. Your best bet is to receive what he gives you—no matter how he gives it.

“Ken!” The sound that comes from your throat is a toss between a mewl, a moan and a whine as his tongue laps at your puffy folds, fingers twitching limply at the feeling of the hot muscle working its way through your slit with vulgar finesse. And when his tongue isn’t moving you can count on his fingers to, large digits building a mind-fogging rhythm within you.

And just when you start to think it’s over, that maybe, just maybe, he managed to tire himself out between your legs, you prop yourself up on your elbows and peer down at him as he slides his fingers out of you completely, calluses sodden with your arousal. “Baby?”

“Hm?” Ken won’t even look at you, eyes locked wholly and unmoving on your cunt. You’re about to ask him what he’s doing, but you find out soon enough when he puckers his wet lips, allowing a fat wad of spit to pour out on his fingers and fucks them right back into you, relishing in the loud squelch that comes from it, as well as the way your walls clench filthily around him. “Lie back down, princess. Haven’t had my fill yet.”

“Oh,” you moan weakly, falling back into the seat like he told you to.

The reward for your obedience comes fast when his hand shifts, sending him up against that spot inside you that makes you squeal, writhe, then thrash as he hits it again. And again. And again.

The fourth time tells you this is no fluke, the fifth (unfairly accompanied by the return of his mouth on you) tells you to find something to hold onto.

That’s how you reach for his hair, weaving through the black strands and tugging a fistful upward, though you’re not sure whether you’re trying to pull him closer to you or farther away. Either way, your boyfriend doesn’t budge, pain turning him on more than it’s supposed to deter him. He moans face deep into your pussy, sending an overkill of vibrations to an already oversensitive bundle of nerves.

You won’t last long—no way you could think to with him scissoring your cunt like this, tongue circling around your clit as he licks, sucks and spits on it. It all makes for a cohesive kind of messines. The sloppier he makes you, the easier his fingers can move, always lubricated by a flurry of spit, cum or a mixture of the two. Every slosh coming from between your legs is louder than the last, the sound eventually trumping all others in the car.

It’s obscene, it’s lewd and it’s.. going to make you cum.

“Ken, I-oh fuck-I!” Words evade you, but you don’t need them.

Not when he’s there to pick up every cue you give and meet you halfway, thumb reaching up to rub quick circles onto the hardened nub he’s been toying with all day. “I know, baby. Just give it to me. Cum pretty on my tongue like you always do.”

Your hand shoots to his wrist, but you don’t have strength to do much else, face and body locked in a pleasureful chronostasis that a few more swipes brings you right out of. Back arched, legs jerking, hips bucking, walls fluttering—both around his fingers and his tongue—you cum into Ken’s awaiting mouth, sobs rising and dying while he swills down every bit of your juices that come streaming from your spasming hole. He even goes as far as to put his lips to your pussy and suck on it, as if you were somehow holding out on him and he was coming to collect the full thing himself.

It’s not until you intervene and push his head away that he actually moves, your leg sliding off of his shoulder as he hauls himself up to hover over your shuddering body. The smirk on his face is shit-eating.

“You were right,” he admits, teeth slowly creeping out from their hiding place behind his plump lips, gold overcoming the prominent pink in increments. “These don’t look so bad on me after all.” Sunlight filters through the car glass the same time he speaks, breaking through his hair and enveloping his body in an ethereal glow like a spotlight.

There’s nothing on him that it doesn’t catch. His chin completely drenched by your wet, his hair matted down to his forehead from the thin sheen of sweat covering his body, and of course it doesn’t miss his golden grin, competing with the smile for the right to blind you.

By the time the sun retreats into the clouds, your thighs are clamped shut, the slick spread thickly between them completely new as you gaze up at your lover, stunned dumb by his beauty.

Devilish men really shouldn’t look so angelic.

[danakin-skywalker]

Acrylics (Jake Kiszka Smut)

CONTENT WARNING: 18+, acrylic nails fetish? (I’m sure this is a thing and I didn’t make it up but I’m seeing little evidence on the Internet)

Taglist: @flowervanfleet @weightofdreams-gvf @sierraahhhh @stardustschords @amourleger @ageofsewingmachine @theweightofstardust @samkiszkabreakmyback​ and possibly you, just lmk!

(A/N): Hey gang it’s been a couple days since I’ve written anything but I’m back and coming in hot with my first Jake smut. So this story was inspired by my recent impulse purchase of 144 press on nails from Amazon (fuck u tho bezos). So Jake’s dating the reader and she comes home one day with acrylic nails and both her and Jake are surprised by how much he likes them. Idk I feel like this is some shit Jake would be into I have no reasoning- purely based off vibes.

Anyway enjoy!

************************************************

Acrylics

Jake Kiszka, as you’d come to learn, was a man of many surprises.

One memorable example was the day you got home from a Sunday afternoon trip to the nail salon with your best friend and her bridal party. She was getting married in just a few days and everyone needed to get matching black French tip acrylic nails. The wedding itself was Halloween themed, which was just so fitting to your friend, and you really did like the way the extended dark tips looked on your hand. Typically, you weren’t one to get and maintain a manicure like this, but it was certainly a fun change.

You really didn’t even expect Jake to notice.

However, when you met up with him for dinner that night, you kept watching his eyes trail your hands. When you’d pick up your drink and hold the straw, when you’d touch your face or run your fingers through your hair, even just resting on the table. He was constantly darting his eyes at them like they were the most distracting thing ever.

“Did you get your nails done?” He finally asked with a breath.

You knit your brows a bit. The answer seemed obvious at this point. “Yeah, I went with Y/F/N and the rest of the bridesmaids today. What do you think?”

You held out your nails for him to see, now also adorned with the rose quartz ring Jake got you for your birthday on your right middle finger. You watched as Jake gulped, looking down at them.

“They look nice. I… I like them. Suits you.” He rambled, almost in a daze as you moved to tap them around playfully on the table.

You raised an eyebrow, making a mental note of the state your nails were putting him in. For later, of course, when you could test your theory.

He held your hand on the car ride back to his place. Not unusual at all. But what was different was the way Jake was fidgeting. Of course, he maintained a focused eye on the road to ensure both of your safety, but out of the corner of your eye you could see him occasionally glance down at your hand in his. Other times, his thumb would brush over yours, making sure to extend all the way to the top to glide over the smooth nail.

You two sat there in silence as realization washed over you. Does Jake actually have an acrylic nail fetish? While the answer was really already revealing itself to you before your eyes, you found yourself subconsciously rubbing your legs together at the thought of experimenting with your hypothesis tonight.

As soon as you got to Jake’s place, you left his side to put a record on as Jake went into the kitchen to pour some wine. Once you got a record going, you turned around from his elaborate vintage player and he was standing just behind you with two glasses of red wine and a smile. He leaned over to give you a quick peck and held out one of the glasses toward you. Deciding now was the time for action, you took the glass from his hands, making sure to brush the tips of your fingers against his.

Barely, just barely, you could hear his breath hitch over the music pouring out of the speaker behind you. Spreading your fingers around the swell of the glass, you bring it to your lips with a searing gaze on Jake. Yup, it’s the nails.

After taking a nice slow drink, you broke the silence. “So you like the nails, huh?” You asked, a playful smirk on your lips.

You reached over and rested your hand on his shirt, under the guise of fixing his collar but more particularly to prove your point when you watched his Adam’s Apple bob before speaking.

“Yeah I… You know, I’ve never really been with anyone who had them. I never really thought I’d be into them but…” He paused as his eyes rolled slightly back when you moved your hand up to lightly drag the nails up his neck to his cheek. “…For whatever reason they’re sexy as all hell on you. You’ve been killing me all night, you know.” He groaned.

You moved your fingers to Jake’s chin, pulling it back down from the little bit it had rolled back from the sensation, so his dark eyes were boring into you. “Oh, I know. You’re not very subtle.”

Jake let out a dark chuckle, setting down his wine glass as his arms found their place around your waist. “Oh yeah? Well, excuse me for being caught off guard.” With that, his lips had found their way home to yours.

You set your glass down too and bring your other hand up to the nape of his neck, applying slight pressure so he could feel the nails on him. He sighed into your mouth, deepening the kiss and pulling you closer to him.

He pulls away for a moment, looking deep into your eyes as he places one of his hands over one of yours, guiding it down his exposed chest in the unbuttoned shirt he was wearing. Nail side down, of course. This boy has it bad.

His hand doesn’t stop guiding yours until you’ve reached the throbbing tent in his black skinny jeans. Your mouth opened slightly in surprise, and he cracked a grin against your face. “Can you feel how crazy you’ve been driving me tonight? You and your sexy ass nails?” He murmured.

Those damn dark pants. You hadn’t even noticed, you were too busy teasing him to test your theory when in reality all you had to do was fucking look at his lap.

You take a moment to palm him over his jeans, eyebrows raising as his fell in content. “All for me?” You mewled into his mouth.

He reached a hand behind your head and pulled you into another steaming kiss, the other hand working swiftly above yours to undo his belt and pants.

Once his pants were undone, you gently pressed him back so that he fell to a seated position on the couch behind him. You sank to your knees and crawled between his legs, clawing his pants down his legs. Jake let out a low hiss at the sensation, rock solid before you.

You lightly trailed your hands back up his legs before bringing them to a rest on both of his inner thighs, on either side of you. With an abrupt motion, you pushed his legs farther apart, digging your nails into the soft flesh. “Baby, please.” He whimpered.

You looked up at him through your lashes. “What do you want, Jake?”

“I need you to touch me. Please. I need to see those hands on my dick.”

You were happy to oblige, taking a moment to bring your hand to your mouth, licking a long wet stripe along your palm that made him bite his lip in anticipation. You gently placed your palm on his shaft, making a show of individually wrapping your fingers around him before slowly moving up and down.

Jake let out a low groan, eyes glued to your hand around him. “You like that, babe?” You asked, already knowing the answer.

He let out a gasp as you leaned over to kiss his tip, hand still working him lazily. His hips bucked up slightly but you used your other hand to firmly push them back down, nails digging into him once more.

He pushes his hair out of his face to get a clearer look at you. “God, yes. I’ve been thinking about this all damn night, fuck.”

He laces his fingers through your hair as you take him in your mouth, hands moving to splay across his hip bones as you bobbed your head up and down letting him hit the back of your throat.

You pull your mouth back off of him with a pop and bring both your hands to his pulsating cock, now slick with your spit. He lets out a filthy noise as you slide your hands up and down his length, this time a little quicker and with more grip. You press a few feather-light kisses against the nail-shaped marks already forming on his inner thigh.

“Enough.” Jake managed out. You halted your movements and looked up at him inquisitively. He uses the hand in your hair to guide you back up to his lips. “You’re gonna make me come before I even get inside you if you keep that up.”

You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped you as he pushed you over to lay flat on the couch. You watched through lidded eyes as he threw your legs over his shoulders and dove into you face-first. He pushed your panties to the side and licked a long, slow stripe up your entrance, eyes watching intently as you pulled the straps of your dress down, shimmying them off to reveal your chest.

He let out a soft moan against you as he watched you play with your tits, squeezing and tweaking them with his new favorite body part. You could see him gently grinding his hips into the couch, poor thing was so turned on watching you he couldn’t help it.

As his tongue worked against your clit, you let out a whimper and your hands travel down your stomach until they reach him. You let your nails rake over his sensitive scalp, sending low vibrations to your core from his mouth. You reached the back of his head and pulled him closer to you, mouth dropping open at the sensation. “Jake don’t stop.” You moaned.

Your nails dug into the back of his head as he inserted a finger into you, curling it to reach the spot he knew well. You arched your back in pleasure, feeling your release approaching.

“J-Jake… I’m gonna- oh shit!”

Your whole body reacted as he thrust another finger into you, sending you past your breaking point as you came all over his face. He pulled his fingers out of you, bringing them up to your lips. You took them into your moaning mouth as you rode out your orgasm, tongue swirling around his fingers as his gave its final parting licks to your core.

He brought himself up to face you, removing his fingers from your mouth and using the remaining wetness to give his dick a few pumps as he hovered over you. “You look so pretty when you come.” He murmured softly, peppering kisses onto your face to distract you from him lining himself up to you.

“Makes me wanna see it again.” Your jaw fell slack once more as he pushed himself inside you, attacking your neck with his mouth. You immediately clenched around him, your system still buzzing from the orgasm he just gave you.

He let out a breathy moan. “You’re so tight for me, baby. Still a little sensitive?”

You took his face in your hands, bringing him up from your neck to press his forehead against yours. “Fuck me, Jake.” You demanded.

And he didn’t need to be told twice.

He pulled himself almost all the way out of you and then slammed himself back in, physically sending your body back a few inches with the force, causing you to cry out. He did this again before settling on a backbreaking rhythm that was gonna have you coming again in minutes.

You wrapped your arms around him to pull him closer, nails dragging down his back as he fucked you senseless. He growled into your ear as your hands made their way back to his scalp. “Just like that baby. Feels so good”

You could feel him getting close. His eyes were fluttering shut and his thrusts were getting sloppier. Hands in his hair, you held his face right in front of yours, eyes burning into each other as you watched your faces contort with pleasure.

“I’m close, babe.” He warned breathily.

“Come inside me.” You whimpered, hands trailing once again down his back, coming to a rest on his ass.

He smirked down at you. “Oh yeah? Well then you’re coming too.”

He stalled his movements for a moment and leaned down, letting a truly sinful trail of spit fall from his mouth down to your clit. You let out a sigh at the sensation, a sigh that immediately turned into a whine when he started moving again, right hand now rubbing furious circles onto your clit.

“Jake, oh my God!” You let your nails dig into the soft flesh on his behind, urging him closer, deeper.

Within a few moments, you were coming undone on top of him once more, a moaning mess scratching anywhere you could reach on his body. Jake was quick to follow, moaning right back into your mouth as he shot his load inside you, filling you with his warmth.

The two of you stayed like that for a few minutes. Jake lowered himself onto you completely as the two of you laid there, sweating and gasping for air. The record you had put on still droning on in the corner. Your fingernails traced delicate patterns across his back and he hummed against your shoulder, pressing soft kisses wherever he could reach.

From that day forward, you made sure you always had your nails done when Jake was home from tour, or whenever you’d go to visit him. And as a result, the boys would always make teasing comments to him whenever he wore a shirt that revealed the marks you’d left on his back, his arms, even his chest.

Which, yes, ended up being almost every shirt he wore.

[battinscn]

DOWN FOR YOU — muggle au! draco malfoy x f! reader

content warning: fluff no less

summary: you and draco go out on your weekly date nights and you are beyond excited. draco showers you with unconditional love as always and makes you feel like the only girl in the world.

wc/ avg. reading time: 1516 words: 7 minutes

return to the draco masterlist here

"HE’S HERE! HE’S here!" y/n exclaimed excitedly as she saw a pair of headlights pull up on her driveway.

she quickly grabbed her bag, put on her shoes, and gave her parents a quick kiss on the cheek.

as she ran out her front door, she spotted the blonde boy leaning on the hood of an unfamiliar-looking car.

"father had a promotion at work and decided to get me this little thing." draco smirked as he pet the spirit of ecstasy ornament situated on the hood.

sure y/n's parents were rather wealthy, but it was nothing compared to the malfoy family. they were absolutely loaded. they probably wiped their arses with fifty-pound notes. lucius malfoy was basically the jeff bezos of the UK.

"were the other 12 cars not enough?" y/n joked as she walked up to an open-armed draco.

"how are you princess, i've missed you." draco mumbled into y/n's forehead and placed a kiss on it.

"i've been good. i've missed you too dray," y/n looked up to meet draco's loving gaze and gave his nose a quick peck.

draco opened the passenger side door and closed it as y/n got in, then made his way to the right side of the door and sat into the driver's seat.

"where will we be going tonight ms y/l/n?" draco asked as he placed his left hand on the headrest of the seat y/n was sitting on, right hand on the steering wheel, neck cranked to face the back, tongue poking the inside of his cheek in concentration, as he backed out of y/n's enormous driveway.

the sight of draco doing this made y/n's knees weak. although draco did this rather often, each time he did it, it never failed to make y/n's stomach to backflips.

"take a picture princess, it'll last longer. and i think you have a little drool over there." draco teased as he rubbed the side of his mouth using his thumb to mock the girl.

"no i do not," y/n huffed as furrowed her brows, letting out a small pout and folding her arms.

"alright alright. so where are we going?" draco placed a hand on her thigh.

"the shopping centre."

"the shopping centre?"

"mhmm."

"okay then," draco put his car in drive.

"so why are we here?" draco queried as him and y/n walked through the parking garage and into the mall, fingers intertwined.

draco and y/n had this thing where they did date nights every friday. they would alternate each week on who planned the date, and this week, it was y/n's turn. it is no doubt that fridays are draco malfoy's favourite day of the week.

"you'll have to wait and see," y/n let out a mischievous grin as she squeezed draco's hand tighter and dragged him excitedly through the shopping centre.

"build-a-bear workshop?" draco asked raising an eyebrow.

"yup." y/n's eyes lit up as she stared in awe at all the different bears showcased on the walls, she was like a kid in a candy store.

"so, i was thinking that we could each make a bear that looks like us, then after we'll swap so i'll have a draco bear and you'll have a y/n bear. what do you think?"

"it's okay if you don't want to, i mean now that i think of it, it is kinda dumb huh. it's fine we can go somewhere else," y/n murmured as she looked down at her feet.

"i think it's a wonderful idea princess," draco used two fingers to lift her head up to face him, and sent a warm smile.

"okay." y/n beamed, her eyes crinkling at the sides.

draco loved it when y/n smiled. it was like her smile made him forget about every little problem he had in his life.

y/n eagerly picked up two deflated-looking brown bears and gave one to draco. they walked over to the stuffing station where a staff member was there to assist them.

"hello you two, hope both of you are having a good day. go ahead and take a heart each from the heart box." the nice lady gestured to the box of hearts connected to the stuffing machine.

"i'm gonna need the two of you to hold onto the heart very tightly and promise to love your bear forever."

they did as she said.

"now, you," the lady looked at draco, "are gonna need to hold onto the heart and do three pushups, to make sure your bear is strong and healthy."

"what?" draco asked taken aback at the sudden task.

"it's only three, come on dray." y/n snickered.

draco rolled his eyes and did the three push-ups.

"and lastly, i'm gonna need you to hold the heart to your own heart and think of happy thoughts, and when you're done, give it a long kiss."

draco and y/n did as instructed. y/n then gave the heart a long kiss, draco however held onto the heart and stared it.

"draco you have to kiss it."

"nope, the push ups were where i drew the line."

"please," y/n gave him puppy dog eyes. draco was a softie for puppy dog eyes.

"fine but only because i love you," draco gave in, using the joints of his pointer and middle finger to pinch y/n's nose and wiggle it, then giving the red cotton heart a quick peck.

"okay now put the hearts into your bears and i'll get them stuffed for the two of you."

the lady stuffed their bears and handed them to them, telling the couple the next step was to get them dressed.

"okay wait, we should do this part separately then we can surprise each other back in the car," y/n suggested.

"alright," draco agreed.

"oh and no shoes bcus i wanna hug it to sleep and the shoes aren't comfy to snuggle," y/n added before parting ways with her boyfriend.

the store was not very big, so having to hide y/n's bear from draco was rather difficult. she quickly put the clothes on the bear and walked to the row of computers to name her bear. after doing so, she paid for the bear and the cashier placed the bear in the box.

and so y/n and draco walked back to the blonde boy's rolls royce dawn, the build a bear boxes in their hands, eager to see what the other had dressed their bears in.

"ok on the count of three we open our eyes at the same time," y/n told the boy.

"1...2...3!"

y/n opened her eyes to see that the bear draco was holding was dressed in a black shirt, a black blazer, and black pants.

draco opened his eyes to see that y/n's bear had on a white t shirt, a grey jacket and light wash denim pants.

"it's a mini draco!" y/n snatched the bear out of draco's hands and hugged it tightly.

"and yours looks exactly like you," draco picked up the y/n bear and admired it.

"her name's princess by the way."

"i love that. his name's draco," draco pointed to the bear that y/n was holding on to.

"well i love mini dray very much."

"and i love princess very much, but i love my princess the most."

"stop you're so cute you're gonna make me cry," y/n gushed.

draco and y/n leaned in and they shared a kiss.

as they pulled away, all draco could think about was how much he loved y/n, and all y/n could think about was how much she loved draco.

"can i have your phone?" y/n asked draco.

"yea sure," draco fished his phone out of pocket and passed it to y/n.

y/n entered the passcode, tapped into the camera app and took a selfie of her holding the mini draco bear.

"there, now you have a new wallpaper," y/n proudly showed draco the picture. y/n passed draco her phone so that he could do the same.

draco walked y/n to her front door.

"goodnight dray," y/n turned her body so she was facing him.

"goodnight princess."

"a goodbye kiss?" y/n asked innocently.

draco tilted his head down while y/n stood on her tippy toes to meet his lips. as the kiss deepened, y/n ran her fingers through draco's hair tugging at the roots. they finally pulled apart to catch their breaths

"um...do you wanna stay the night?" y/n nervously bit her bottom lip.

draco eagerly nodded his head.

y/n unlocked the front door and draco quickly picked her up, causing the girl to let out a squeal, and rushed them into y/n's room before locking it.

join my taglist here!

tags: @lilytoyourjames @pattnscn @haroldpotterson @itzjennieofficial @xangel76 @daddysfucktoyslut @grandnerdsheep-blog @eleventhboi @cevans98 @jmj-1312

[papiliona]

Im here for headcanons. Feed me, I'm starving for headcanons

Okay okay okay I bring them as mother bird brings the worm to her screeching children.

Ranboo cannot gauge normal temperature. This mainly has come from the fact his house has no walls and is in a snowy biome, but i feel like the end is very cold so his enderman half means that he just doesn't get cold at all.

I also like drawing him so that his enderman half and the white part are different textures. Idk why.

Techno in my brain is a man wearing a pig skull mask, but because he has the same size head as regular pigs the mask comes from a nether Hoglin. In general I picture Techno as like... A seasoned warrior in the vein of Odysseus (as opposed to Tommy who is an Achilles type person), so maybe his entire outfit consists of battle and adventure spoils he's gained over the years.

Technodrip

Eret still wears his king outfit, but the metal is tarnished and the Cape is torn.

A lot of these are aesthetic idk what to tell you.

Niki dyes her hair with flowers. The pink was originally light and calm and meant to symbolise hope, but when she saw how hopeless the world around her was she made it more and more intense until it was like fire.

Also she totally uses baking skills to make potions/explosive concoctions.

The people in the badlands actually originate from a badlands biome (the one with the hArDeNEd cLaY) and were nobody's there, so they left to gain power elsewhere.

The egg smells kind of like red velvet muffins. Until you get close to it.

The smp afterlife is like an echo of the overworld, but really faded, empty and with a short render distance. It looks like the smp but before anyone did anything and with no mobs

Dream is in the mortal world as some kind of punishment. I like to think of him as a Greek God figure, human in appearance but able to change the course of fate and absent from normal moral codes. He's on the smp because he committed some petty offence in the immortal realm, so he's bitter, playing with everyone. Like dionysus in percy Jackson but like... Evil and shit.

In the L'Manhole you can hear screams echoing.

Karl occasionally uses really outdated words mixed with modern phrases because time traveller. Like occasionally he'll just be like 'are you biting your thumb at me dude?'

George's goggles are made of really boujie materials and are gem encrusted

Ranboos crown is more tiara like. I need it to be a bejewelled elaborate designed circlet because otherwise the way the pixels are spaced on his skin will irritate me.

Wilbur had a room littered with unfished songs and compositions. Before L'Manburg he wanted to be a musician (this is kind of more just canon). They made a statue of him in New L'Manburg, but ghostbur couldn't bear to look at it because it looked wrong. The reason was that it was an image of the destructive Wilbur as opposed to the creative.

All of the clothing on the smp is of one distinct aesthetic and period for each group but the only modern piece is Tommy's red and white shirt. Nobody knows where it came from.

Ranboo naturally has his irl hair colour, but he split died it permanently and couldn't remember that it wasn't originally like that.

Twitch Prime is a god that looks like Jeff Bezos in a toga

All the technology on the smp is run by cogs. In my mind the smp is like the world in this series called septimus heap, where its simultaneously high fantasy in aesthetic but a clear post-futuristic version of our world. So there are relics of 'modern' technology that is broken and dispowered (like Jack Manifolds headset)

Everyone's netherite armour has different carvings and designs on it

Dream and Awesamdude play chess together in prison, in silence. Neither of them speak but Dream seems to appreciate the company (does he though?)

Tubbo used to like playing piano and ukelele in his bee house sometimes. Sometimes he would sit in the corner of caves whilst Ranboo mined and play instruments too.

Hamilton in the smp universe is a fictional novel (its pretty much fictional irl anyway) and Wilbur read it when he was a teenager.

Erets wool blocks are actually scarves he knits and leaves lying around, wrapped around tiny notes.

Quackitys voice is not autotuned he just sings like that™

I know foxes do this thing where they will sneak into farms and cause ruckus, and for some reason whenever Fundy is near technoblade both of them are just really uneasy

Snowchester is also a front for people to go ice-skating because fuck you my child is completely fine

Ranboo gardening 👍

Sometimes endermen will put grass blocks in piles near Ranboo's shack house when he blacks out for a long period of time or is visibly distressed.

Sapnap used to have wanted posters of himself everywhere because he is a petkiller but when the hype died down he framed them all and put them in his house. Also he plays the violin.

The twitter trending guy is canon but he runs a newspaper which is consistently sued unsuccessfully for having political biases, because as soon as it seems like he's writing in favour of one person he just writes in favour of another. The one true anarchist, Ranboo could never.

[capsizedskeleton]

- this episode was such a fucking trip.

- look at hooty’s stupid face here. god he is blursed

- king’s powers? more into demon lore? the decomposing titan CREATES demons??? hmm??

- that kind of puts some holes into the titan is king’s dad theory

- hooty and king is just alex hirsch talking to himself huh

- EDA DEVELOPMENT BRO IT’S BEEN TWO SLAPPING EPISODES STRAIGHT FOR HER HUH

- DREAM SEQUENCE DREAM SEQUENCE

- yo it’s kinda nice how the lighting changes here for eda’s hair to resemble what it used to be but also corruption of the setting and violence

- also that scene with her dad holy shit! 

- the self is the monster thoughts...

- i wonder what lilith was thinking then...

- also like! acceptance! and still taking your meds! but eda learning to live with it and realizing that her treatment of the curse hurt raine more than the curse itself! there is so much going on in that dream...

- the letter washing up on shore bit. huh.

- GOOD FOR HER

- literally like. ultimate wild magic. anti belos . so sexy of her

- just realized belos is one letter away from bezos

- OH LUMITY. OH. OH.

- THE TUNNEL OF LOVE HFJSKHF

- TINY. LOVELY

- BRO LUZ’S FEAR OF BEING MADE FUN OF V. AMITY’S FEAR OF BEING REJECTED THAT ARE BOTH KIND OF THEM BEING AFRAID OF NOT BEING WORTHY OF THE OTHER PERSON. FIGHT

- but also don’t because communication 

- lighting go brrr

- hooty sobbing as eda talks to luz shouldnt be as funny as it is fhjdhks

- AAAH. CONFESSION. “I DONT KNOW WHAT MY FUTURE HOLDS BUT IT WOULD BE SO COOL IF YOU WERE IN IT” HELLO TOH WRITERS I LOVE YOU

- THE THUMB RUB THE “WHY IS THIS STILL SO SCARY” YES THE INTRICACIES OF A GAY RELATIONSHIP

- we are getting so much good food. dana i owe you my life

- god luz and amity are so sweet and even hooty acknowledges it

- this is like. so good i want to write fic for it but on the other hand i would do it in a love letter kind of way not in a if only the writers were better supernatural queerbait way.

- there have probably been so many fics about an Official Lumity Confession but i bet no one wrote about hooty Owl Pelleting (oh yeah what the fuck was up w that) amity and creating a tunnel of love with his face everywhere. 

- what if i just melt.

[sambergscott]

#4 for Peraltiago, if you please! 💕

4. That’s the fifth one this week

No less than two seconds after clearing her inbox, her phone pings, a new email from Amazon.com appearing at the top of her screen.

“Of course,” she mutters with a roll of her eyes.

While she’d definitely curbed some of her husband’s more ridiculous spending habits since they’d gotten together, like finally buying Olympus Has Fallen instead of renting it so many times, with the newfound excuse of “it’s for the baby!”, their joint account had taken a major hit.

At first it was sweet, a bunch of baby books (which she’d made him return and re-buy from an independent bookstore), her beloved pregnancy pillow and a couple of cute toys. The closer they got to meeting their son, the worse the obsession became. At twenty eight weeks, their apartment looked like a shrine to Jeffrey Bezos, with more Amazon boxes than they knew what to do with.

Too tired to venture upstairs to tell him to stop, she clicked New Message and decided to sent him a carefully crafted email instead.

Jake,

Just received another email from Amazon. That’s the fifth one this week, babe! And it's only Wednesday.

I know you’re excited but I thought we agreed not to buy anything else until he’s here?

Love,

Ames

He replied almost instantly.

I know I know but they’re baby sneakers babe!!!!!! Me and him can match!!!! It’ll be so cute just u wait

Sent from Sergeant Santiago’s Husband

Her heart melts a little when she opens the Amazon order to confirm that the sneakers are, in fact, adorable. And identical to a pair she knows Jake has at home.

OK. Fine. We can keep the sneakers but no more, Jake. Seriously! Babies are expensive and we need to save.

Again, his response pops up a few moments later. If only he were this efficient at replying to work emails, she thinks disparagingly. He can keep people waiting for til lunch, just to send back a simple thumbs up.

I can’t help it Ames! It’s just - my dad never got me anything. He never even remembered my birthdays. There was the occasional fridge magnet from an airport gift shop if I was lucky. I don’t want that for our son. I want him to know that his dad loves him. And if that means buying him the dopest sneakers-

She doesn’t even finish the rest of his email.

Jake,

Our son is going to totally love you. You’re going to be the best dad EVER. I know it. He knows it. Everyone knows it! Charles tells me how lucky I am literally every single day. You are not Roger, OK? There is no Peralta curse and even if there *was*, it certainly skipped a generation. You are a perfect husband and you’ll be a perfect dad. You don’t need to buy the “dopest sneakers” or coolest toys or highest rated swaddles, you have nothing to prove to us.

Remember when you told me I flirted with you for twenty seconds and you became obsessed with me forever? Well, newsflash, Peralta: We’re both obsessed with you, too.

She’s so focused on refreshing her inbox every half second, she doesn’t even notice him until he reaches her desk and is sweeping her into a kiss in front of everyone.

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

hey fellas! this isn't like my normal posts but i felt the need to make it.

as a non american sonic fan, i want to emphasize how extremely toxic and unaffordable the merch market is. even GAMES are ridiculously overpriced, and currency exchange doesn't help. stock here in Canada is limited it not non-existent, so finding stuff AT ALL is a miracle, and it's usually the kind of stuff y'all can pick up at a target(?)

anyways, i tore apart a larger mall today looking anywhere and everywhere for sonic because i had to kill some time waiting for someone, and here's what i found:

this is a STEAL! they were the only four things here, and my total was (sorry for my thumb)

🥁 ...

that's 29.07 USD, or 21.14 GBP. a BARGAIN if you ask me!!

as a joke, i decided to check what this would cost if i got them off ebay like i did with my beloved Infinite plushie (the only other official merch i have)

(prices range from around 24 to 40 GBP each, USD is already listed)

this is insane. absolutely ridiculous. i knew inflation was bad, and that ebay prices vary, but this is so frustrating because these were the only four things in the entire mall, and they're insanely marked up online. i might have better luck at the Eaton Centre which is in downtown Toronto, but would most people go that far to maybe find a figure? good luck finding shadow anywhere lmao

ebay marks stuff up yeah, but etsy lacks official merch and amazon sucks ass (selection, price, and bezos) so it's my go-to. other sites exist but ebay is my best bet... yet it's still insane like this since prices can be whatever the hell people want most of the time, and collectors are a bitch to work with

basically, sonic merch is extremely inaccessible unless you're in the usa, japan, or like... SOMETIMES UK (england has the most luck, but @ska-chacha has intormed me of a few places in Scotland that have stuff, not sure about Wales or Ireland but I am aware of a certain welsh sonic who has spotted sonic cars 😌 iykyk)

i'm probably stating the obvious for a lot of people here, so i'm not quite sure why i made this post. solidarity with other isolated fans? rage at the collector fanbase? my goddamn currency issues? who knows! but it's something i couldn't not bring your attention to.

[microsoftedgy69]

So Dave got in trouble last year, right, because when Nestle sent his office an offer for a brand deal, Dave took a screenshot of the email and posted it to Twitter, captioned, “lmaooooooo.” Nestle, pissed off about being paraded around like that, rightfully claimed that he can’t just post people’s emails uncensored, privacy of correspondence and all, especially with a Twitter following as huge as his. And especially considering it did result in a bunch of fans sending Nestle memes and spam emails to that account, which I personally wholly endorse. Dave then publicly offered to make it up to them (after genuinely being fined) by taking them up on that brand deal and filming ads with him that, he said, “should look exactly like them soulless extremely uncomfortable amazon clips where people whose eyes look like tom cruises if he lost it just that little bit more tell you how good an employer jeff is.” Nestle took him up on that, for... whatever reason. Probably trying to look like a good sport and like they have humor and self-irony or something like that. What came out was a near-unusable video of Dave being interviewed by Nestle and talking about growing up with the brand in an extremely robotic tone (no offense taken), ending with a shot of him eating a spoonful of Nestle cereal with the most pained expression you can imagine on any Strider’s face. The video aired thrice and was up on the official account for around 50 hours before public ridicule got so huge that Nestle took it down again. In that time, it did gather a bunch of views, but pirated versions put up by fans for others to watch without giving Nestle the direct platform gained way more. Whoever was in charge of that whole campaign got fired, and new management is now in a long-winded legal battle with us for how Dave has damaged Nestle’s image, which we reject because he never broke contract. Jeff Bezos also seems to be gearing up to poke his thumb head in.

Dave’s biggest defense in all this is that his actual, genuine interviews, like red carpet shit, pretty much look the same because the guy seizes up with stage fright so badly that even when talking about his own movies he looks like someone’s holding him at gunpoint and forcing Nestle down his throat, and those clips are all over the internet as proof.

When I asked him about it he took off his shades and looked at me and said, “I’m constantly very scared that everyone wants to kill me. And the only thing I know to do in response is to make them want to kill me more.”

Meanwhile, the person Nestle has fired is now employed in Dave’s PR team.

[jessielefey]

you have like feral Mx. Frizzle vibes

Mx. Frizzle who says “fuck.” Mx. Frizzle who realized the capitalist machinations of the modern-day school system and decided their time was better spent using the magic schoolbus to kidnap Jeff Bezos and drop him off in dinosaur times.

Mx. Frizzle who is gay and does crimes

I’m gonna cry. That’s the nicest, most accurate assessment of my aesthetic intentions anyone but one of my niblings has expressed.

I’d still have the bus full of kids though. Taking Jeff Bezos to dinosaur times is a great fieldtrip idea; an excellent invitation for observation and questioning, with all kinds of opportunities for emergent learning and conversational openers. “Why Jeff Bezos?” “What do you think will happen? Will a dinosaur eat him first or will he die from an untreated open wound first?” “Do you notice anything about the night sky now versus when we’re hometime?” “What did we get right and wrong in our predictions for how dinosaurs would look with their skin on?” “Remember not to tuck your thumb when you punch, ~10. Don’t forget to stay low when fighting a grownup ~6, they’re top heavy and it compensates for their greater armspan. //wince// Oh good shield strike ~8, you’ve been practicing that haven’t you? I can tell!”

[violetsystems]

#personal

Because of the Internet, cycles of things don’t really follow the same pattern as the older generation is used to.  They think they know obviously.  Their favorite game is called human capital and we are the pawns, bishops and knights on the chessboard for them to sacrifice.  I’m forced to read a lot of financial opinions as an outsider.  For somebody in the aforementioned camp, Mario Gabelli had at least acknowledged that the Fortnite generation has been slowly growing up.  Apps like Robinhood have opened the market up to steal your hard earned pennies.  And then accounts get hacked, money gets stolen, and the older generation laughs and shakes it’s head.  You stupid kids and your lack of motivation.  If you didn’t spend all your time living your life instead of making us money.  I think he forgets like most boomers do that there’s an entire generation after them that was born and bred on Tron.  I didn’t land into the stock market after playing Call of Duty with my bros to be honest.  I melted down a twenty year pension from a place of employment that ghosted, derezzed and ignored my entire identity.  Other people might have traded online through simulations, harvested their bitcoin at the behest of their electric bill or just have rich parents,  I’m not like other people.  We all have figured this out after how many years of writing these to an invisible tribunal of amazing people.  I often read these other perspectives about the financial industry controlled by pundits, investors, and people who generally talk down to the little person like me.  We are what people refer to as “the retail investor.”  We’re written about like the plague mostly because nobody can really control our strategies or bully us into submission.  Much of the idea of retirement is hinged on investments in America.  Social Security is about to run out at some point.  My generation will probably be the first to see my government stiff the bill and run away.  Corporations and working for them at times can be a whirlwind of interconnected dots.  Money and loss on paper becomes a zero sum shell game for the rich.  It’s not about the work you do.  It’s about the money you spend for them.  Donald Trump took a loss for almost two decades which is incidentally how long I was gainfully employed.  A typical artist in America can take a hobby loss for up to five years.  The same artists with no healthcare to speak of.  The fiscal cliff that we all dread is nowhere reflected in the markets.  Neither is the actual driving force behind their profit.  America is a consumer based economy and America is simultaneously shrinking and bursting at the seams.  These are all stitched together by a frail, aging ideology that doesn’t want to let go.  Generation X’ers like myself are used to being forgotten about.  I travelled the world looking for someone to look at me as more than a number.  And now people follow me around because I’m a name on their company registry.  But nobody really ever speaks to me directly.  I’m a dataset and a demographic that only speaks as a number on paper.  Until I do things that the financial elite can’t stand.  I make a decision that is based on things they don’t value.  I choose to put my money elsewhere.  And this is why people hate us.  Because you can’t speculate on chaos that you do not control.  And America is simply profit off of speculation which is a value amounted to 20.83 trillion dollars in debt.  Which doesn’t sound much like it’s in control of anything except printing money.

I grew up on computers.  My mother helped me start my first bulletin board system.  I had my very first phone line in my bedroom around the time wargames came out.  I used to post the number on boards before I had even set up a system like Telegard.  I would advertise it like a mysterious military site out of a Gibson book.  People would call and the modem would pick up the carrier tone and dump them to a blank monochrome screen.  From there my twelve year old self would punk people into thinking I was an AI.  Years later I found a twenty year career in Information Technology in the Arts which abandoned me in a wholly disturbing way.  My knowledge of computers still stayed and those skills kept me alive in these times.  I grew up playing games because I had no friends and suffered horrible bullying.  I was an only child who was ridiculously intelligent but often quiet and ignored.  Years later it’s not so much different.  The bullying is still out there.  America rewards the loud and the forthcoming mostly because it is too lazy to seek out the nuances.  Convenience has warped America’s attention span beyond the regular flow of time.  Computers and connection over the years have rapidly accelerated the dominance of these ideals.  Jobs exist all over the world these days.  Most of the ones I’ve been interested in have been in China.  But due to the circumstances of my situation, I was forced to take a larger sum of income this year than I would have liked.  Sounds terrible right?  No shortage of people trying to scam me into spending it.  Any further income accrued this year becomes taxed horribly.  Ironically, the Illinois fair tax law changes the game even further as retirement income was not taxed before the amendment.  If passed, any retirement income that was not with held will be owed.  Another round of layoffs to liquidate pensions from the bottom line in cities like ours will definitely affect people worse than me down the road.  I’ve been stumbling through the process alone since the end of July.  A lot of what I had done was to part out and budget money in my own way playing a waiting game that I’ve grown used to in my life.  I am at the peak of stagnancy at the moment.  Staring out at another blank screen typing into the void every week while people lift bits and pieces for their own convenient narrative of me and my value in human capital.  Headhunters no longer stalk the internet.  They follow you around in the street with forced intimidation expecting you to read into what they think you deserve to spend the rest of your life doing.  All the while trying to wrap you up back into an ecosystem for less pay, shrinking benefits, and an economic ecosystem of investments of both human and monetary.  Debtors are paired with debtors.  Marriages are arranged for tax purposes and rich oligarchs with political ties find more ways to pay less.  And yet they never really understand the power of connection they do not have.  They don’t communicate.  They project.  They expect you to believe that we’re all in this together when they never hear a word you say.  The only time they listen is when you take your money away.  I’m single.  Never been married.  An only child.  And pretty much an exile on Wall Street with more liquidity and equity suddenly than most people in America.  And much like everyone paying more taxes to a government that has basically turned into a formulaic limp dick reality show.

A reality show that treats me like the Babadook at best these days.  I can’t even leave my house anymore without somebody following me or watching me.  I realize this might just be the hazards of my next pivot into global employment.   I thought these long forms of prose were enough of a background check for the FBI at this point.  It’s called “transparency and accountability” Scully.  I realize ethics aren’t a valuable skill in America.  But the utter lack of human emotion for my situation speaks volumes to me.  And it should be a wakeup call for most who live and work in this dangerous time.  They really don’t give a fuck about us in such a comedic way that they don’t realize our power.  Our power is confidence and they find ways to undermine it.  Tell you that you aren’t beautiful enough so that you spend more money on things you do not need.  Ignore and isolate you until you breakdown and ask for their help.  Until you treat yourself in bankruptcy so they can print more money.  These times are abusive at best in a way that I have never been prepared for.  But those on top don’t really understand how it feels to be under the thumb for years.  I do.  Corporations aren’t human and neither are most rich people.  I realize that life here is literally all about money.  Last night was a very good example of that when I read the news about a game I played shutting down.  I cried because it was the only thing connecting me to anything social without being overbearing and weird.  And I had invested a sizeable amount of my pension in the thought that this might keep the ecosystem alive.  The lesser of two evils of investing.  Put money where you think it will be used fairly and wisely.  Water the garden and watch it grow.  The amazon stock is literally over three grand per share.  They own everything.  They’ve shattered their profits due to the shift from COVID to delivery.  Small businesses shutter.  Hard artistic work is pissed to the wind.  And people like myself are left to wonder why the fuck Jeff Bezos needs any more money from me to treat me like a fucking lab rat.  These companies do not give a fuck about you as a person.  They want your money.  They want to leverage your image, your words, your narrative to push something that doesn’t benefit you at all.  There is no excuse for me to be invisible after all these years let alone from what happened to me in July.  And yet, there is no real way to get back at it.  Other than to completely divest from something that only hurts.  Capitalism is funny that way.  It desperately wants your participation to stay alive.  A two trillion dollar company like Apple cares only about the cut for their investors not the art that drives these bricks that become obsolete in two years.  The reason the old generation is contentious to us is that we see the scam in broad daylight.  We trolled you behind the scenes.  And when we learn the truth, it hurts.  We can always hurt back.  I divest.  I decouple.  I wonder what motivates me as a human being and not a bottom line for some rich fuck who got their way scamming people into thinking they’re worth less so they could have more.  The internet moves pretty fast.  It can all fall apart in a keystroke.  And these people will still be making excuses and not staring us point blank in the eye.  I’ll still be playing video games and you’ll still be investing in what you think you know about me.  Which last time I checked is jack shit other than the fact that it’s safe enough to plant a nuclear physicist under my apartment for a year without me knowing.  Shall we play a game?  See you at the opening bell Jeff!