#Best Executive Training Programs

[i3coaching]

The Impact of Meeting Facilitator Coaching for Employees Engagement During Discussions

Meetings are essential for decision-making, problem-solving, and team collaboration in the modern workplace. Poorly conducted meetings can lead to wasted time, frustration, and decreased productivity. Companies are recognizing the importance of meeting facilitator coaching to ensure smooth meetings and a positive, productive culture. Mail Us i3coachingandleadership@gmail.com Address Boulder, Colorado

[trayoungvis]

Leadership Development in Hotel Management

The hospitality industry is built on exceptional service, smooth operations, and innovative thinking. Leadership in hotel management plays a critical role in ensuring everything runs seamlessly while creating memorable experiences for guests. For those aiming for managerial or executive positions, developing strong leadership skills is essential for success in this competitive, ever-changing global market.

Effective leadership ensures

Increased employee satisfaction and retention

Higher guest satisfaction and loyalty

Streamlined operations and improved profitability

The ability to adapt to industry disruptions and trends

Key Areas of Leadership Development in Hotel Management

1. Operational Excellence – Leaders in hotel management oversee various operational aspects, from housekeeping and front desk operations to food and beverage services. Effective training in operational leadership ensures that managers can optimize efficiency while maintaining high service standards.

2. Customer-Centric Approach – Exceptional guest experiences are at the heart of hospitality. Leadership programs focus on developing interpersonal skills, emotional intelligence, and problem-solving abilities, enabling leaders to handle guest concerns with professionalism and empathy.

3. Team Management – Hotels often employ a large and diverse workforce. Leadership training emphasizes communication, delegation, and motivational skills to foster collaboration and drive team performance.

4. Strategic Thinking  – Leaders are trained to analyze market trends, understand customer preferences, and implement strategies to maintain a competitive edge. This includes revenue management, marketing, and innovation in service delivery.

5. Sustainability and Digital Transformation – Modern hotel management integrates sustainable practices and technology-driven solutions. Leadership development programs prepare managers to implement green initiatives and leverage digital tools like property management systems and CRM software to enhance efficiency.

6. Crisis Management – From natural disasters to guest complaints, hotel managers must be adept at handling crises. Leadership programs include training in risk assessment, decision-making, and maintaining calm under pressure.

How to Cultivate Leadership in Hotel Management

Educational Programs Pursuing a specialized degree or MBA in Hospitality Management offers foundational knowledge and leadership-focused coursework tailored to the hotel industry.

On-the-Job Training Practical experience is invaluable. Many hotels offer leadership training programs where employees can learn by managing real-world scenarios under the guidance of experienced mentors.

Workshops and Seminars Regular workshops and industry seminars provide insights into emerging trends, new technologies, and global best practices.

Networking Opportunities Connecting with industry leaders and peers helps aspiring managers gain diverse perspectives and mentorship opportunities.

Soft Skill Development Focusing on communication, negotiation, and conflict resolution skills is essential for successful leadership.

Strong leadership is at the heart of any successful hotel. It’s the leaders who make sure guests have memorable experiences and that everything runs smoothly behind the scenes. If you’re aiming to take on a leadership role in the hospitality industry, investing in leadership training is essential for opening up new opportunities and building a lasting career. At Chennais Amirta, we’re all about helping you develop the skills you need to thrive in this fast-paced industry. Our Hotel Management Programs are designed to prepare you for real-world challenges, setting you up for success in a career that’s always evolving!

[abhyudayaglobalcoachcircle]

Your First Step in Global Leadership Coaching

In today’s interconnected world, effective leadership excels borders and industries. Global leadership coaching has become a crucial tool for professionals looking to guide teams and organizations through multifaceted challenges. If you're wishful to develop these leadership skills and make an impact, taking your first step toward global leadership coaching can be a game-changer.

This blog will help you understand how enrolling in ICF-accredited coaching programs can set you on the path to becoming a successful coach, and why it is important to aim for certifications recognized by the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

Why Global Leadership Coaching Matters

Global leadership coaching goes beyond traditional coaching methods by focusing on the skills needed to manage and lead teams in diverse, global environments. From managing cross-cultural teams to addressing the difficulties of global business, leadership coaches play an important role in shaping successful, adaptive leaders.

The global leadership program is designed for aspiring leaders who want to excel in these environments. Through structured learning and practical coaching experiences, this program prepares individuals to meet the growing demand for qualified leadership coaches who can influence change on a global scale.

Getting Started with an ICF-Accredited Program

The best way to begin your journey in global leadership coaching is by enrolling in an ICF-accredited coaching program. The ICF (International Coaching Federation) is the gold standard in the coaching industry, ensuring that certified coaches meet strict professional standards. Choosing a program accredited by the ICF guarantees that you will receive high-quality training that line up with international coaching guidelines.

A great starting point for beginners is the ICF ACC level 1 certification. The ICF ACC (Associate Certified Coach) credential is an entry-level certification that provides a solid foundation in coaching principles and practices. Many leadership development programs offer pathways to the ACC certification, helping you meet the ICF coaching certification requirements while improving your coaching skills.

The Path to Becoming an ICF-Certified Coach

To become an ICF-certified coach, you must complete a coaching program that meets the ICF coaching certification requirements, including a set number of coaching hours and mentor coaching. After that, you need to pass the ICF credentialing exam, which has a high pass rate when prepared through an accredited program.

One of the best places to follow your certification is through the ICF Advanced Certification in India. This advanced program offers an opportunity for participants to immerse themselves in global coaching techniques while focusing on leadership. With this certification, you'll be well-prepared to guide clients in both business & leadership coaching.

Building Your Leadership Coaching Career

As you take your first steps toward becoming an ICF credentialed coach, it’s important to understand the value you will bring to organizations. Leadership coaches have the ability to inspire and develop leaders at various levels, from middle management to C-suite executives. Companies increasingly seek coaches who can help their teams adapt to change, enhance performance, and lead with purpose in a global context.

By following the path outlined in ICF coaching international standards, you can not only achieve personal success but also make a significant impact on others. The global leadership program will help you grow into a coach who can effectively lead clients through the challenges of the modern business world.

Conclusion

Your journey toward becoming a global leadership coach begins with the right training and certification. Through ICF-accredited coaching programs, you’ll gain the skills and knowledge needed to make a permanent impact in the leadership space. With a strong foundation in coaching principles, you’ll be able to guide others through their leadership challenges and contribute to the global business landscape. Start your journey today and explore how leadership coaching can transform your career and the leaders you support.

[i-like-your-nolaces]

y'all, the problem isn't that people are expecting Stop-Motion Animators to quintuple their workload, it's that people are using "AI" Algorithms to "smooth out" and "increase the framerate" of these Animations, which is disrespectful of the Work that Animators do and completely ruins the Aesthetic of Stop-Motion

why would you say such a horrible thing

[debbiedanon]

1:2:1 Coaching Programs for Personal Transformation

Boost your leadership skills with our exclusive executive leadership development program 2023. Our specialized leadership coaching training 2023 will empower you to lead with confidence and excellence. Don't miss this opportunity for personal and professional growth. To know more visit us at https://www.debbiedanon.com/121-leadership-coaching

[vikramdhar11]

Happiness at Work: Building a Positive and Fulfilling Career

Happiness is a more powerful weapon in your life. If you work in peace, full mind and no one can distract you while you work in a positive environment. Just like you can join NLP Course in Delhi, they can help you improve your thought process and mind set on your aim to achieve your goal. They describe our story in various ways that are expressive in the world. NLP Courses Describe the power of languages and learn more ways to communicate with other professionals. Vikram Dhar is World’s Best ICF Certified Coach Program In Delhi His personally trained, mentored and certified by john mattone as intelligent Leadership Executive Coach.

For More Information Visit : https://vikramdhar.in/

[kindallevolve]

The Impact of Coaching on Professional Growth

Transformational coaching & consulting in Florida has a profound impact on professional growth, empowering individuals to unleash their full potential. Through personalized coaching sessions, professionals gain valuable insights into their strengths, weaknesses, and areas for development, setting the stage for transformative growth.

Coaching in Florida encourages self-discovery and helps professionals overcome barriers that may be hindering their progress. With the guidance of transformational coaches, individuals can set clear goals and create actionable plans to achieve them, fostering a sense of purpose and direction in their careers.

Additionally, transformational coaching instills confidence and resilience, enabling professionals to navigate challenges and seize opportunities with a growth mindset. The support and feedback received from coaches in Florida aid in refining skills, enhancing leadership abilities, and unlocking hidden talents.

As a result of transformational coaching and consulting in Florida, professionals experience accelerated personal and career growth, leading to greater job satisfaction, increased productivity, and improved overall success in their chosen endeavors.

[oliversrarebooks]

a good grade in being brainwashed: wants and needs

Masterlist > Next

tw: pet whump, bbu-adjacent, dehumanization, conditioning, references to drugging, references to dubcon

He was getting a good grade in being brainwashed, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve.

"He seems a little clingy, though."

B211's heart sank into his knees. He knew that was one of the absolute worst things a prospective owner could say about him, the very thing his handlers had spent so much time trying to train out of him. Don't cling. Don't be needy. Be affectionate, but only when your owner desires it. Be silent and still and obedient otherwise.

Don't be needy. Don't need. Don't want. Wants are for people. Your only wish is to please your owner.

He didn't miss the nasty glare that the salesman shot him before putting his customer service smile back on his face. "Yes, this one is very affectionate, which isn't to everyone's taste. Perhaps you'd be more interested in this Romantic…"

B211 fought down the whine in his throat as the customer removed her hand from his chin and walked over to one of the other Romantics, A797. He watched as A797 flawlessly executed each position, all with a smile that was just loving enough without seeming desperate. Just the way they'd all been taught.

God, B211 hated him.

B211 knew he could be the best Romantic in this whole damn showroom, if only he could be given a chance. He'd worked so hard at his training and conditioning, absorbing everything thrown at him, always striving to be the best in the room. He knew his quality -- he was eager to please any sort of master in any way they wished, ready and willing to become whatever they wanted him to be. Their lover, their fantasy, their toy, their shoulder to cry on. He was confident he could do it all.

And yet, here he was, left in the lurch yet another day. If things didn't look up, he'd spend another night in his cold bunk. Another night where his training headphones whispered to him about how much he craved touch and affection. Another day where he had to fight down his cravings so he didn't scare off potential owners. Another failure, another denial.

It was enough to make him want to pull his hair out, if that wouldn't absolutely ruin his appeal.

"I think I'm going to talk to your handler about another course of conditioning. I don't know how it's possible, but you've still got too much willfulness in that head of yours."

B211 scrambled down into a kneel, touching his head to the floor, as soon as he realized that the salesman was addressing him. "My sincere apologies, sir. I will endeavor to do better," he said, reciting one of his hundreds of programmed phrases.

"I can tell when a pet's more concerned with his own needs instead of the customer's," said the salesman disdainfully. "Honestly, you could probably do with another round on the Drip, wash that right out of your head. I think that's what I'm gonna recommend."

"Yes, sir," said B211, his inner elbow twinging with the feel of a phantom needle. He knew very well that he should accept whatever medication, training, or punishment he was given, as it was all to make him a better pet. But he hated the way the Drip made him feel, the way his mind was so slow and dim now, compared to --

No, that wasn't right. His mind had always been slow and dim. That's why he was well suited to being a pet. That's what they'd told him, why he'd signed up. He was slow, and dim, and unable to cope with life, unable to pretend to be a person. So he'd done the right thing and signed up. Instead of an endless cycle of pain and disappointment, he'd receive unconditional love and affection from an owner who truly wanted him. All he had to do was follow his training. Simple instructions. Practice these poses. Recite these mantras. Speak politely. Let go of your wants. Let go of your needs. Be perfect.

That was all he had to do.

He didn't actually remember signing up, of course, because the Drip had erased his memories (how many times). It was best for a pet to not remember (what didn't they want him to remember) so he could be blank and empty for his owner to fill with love (what was he before he was blank).

(was he ever loved)

He shouldn't be thinking those thoughts. That's why he wasn't getting bought. Stupid, stupid.

"Well, B211? Do you have a problem with that?" the salesman demanded, pulling him back to reality.

"No, sir."

"Oh, I think you do. I can tell you have something to say. Out with it."

It was a trap. It was always a trap. He'd fallen into it before, he thought, although his memories of those times were hazy and tinged with pain. "I think whatever you and my handler decide for me would be best, sir."

He was being hauled upwards by his shirt, the salesman glaring down at him. "That's your problem. You shouldn't think. You should just get it right."

B211's mind searched for a better answer. Slow, too slow. "I want whatever training I'm given, sir. I want to be the best possible pet for my owner. I trust in my handlers to make me the best pet I can be."

"Better," he sneered.

The ring of a bell indicated another customer had arrived, sparing B211 the salesman's wrath for now. This particular salesman always liked to take it out on the pets when they weren't selling like he thought they should be.

All he wanted was to be touched and loved. Wasn't that what he had signed up for? He couldn't remember, of course, but that's the only thing it could have been. Why didn't anyone see that? Why didn't anyone pick him?

Maybe the salesman was right. Maybe he should go back on the Drip. He was thinking too much. Of course he was right -- his handlers always knew what was best for him.

"Oh, I'm not sure a Romantic is what I'm looking for, exactly," said a voice that was so strangely familiar. "I don't need -- I mean, I don't really have those kinds of needs."

B211 strained to hear the conversation in the other room, beyond the curtain separating the Romantic showroom from the rest of the pet store. That voice. He didn't know why, but wanted to hear more of that voice.

"There are a lot of unfortunate misconceptions about Romantics, and I'd say that the primary one is that they're only for sex," said the salesman. "That's absolutely not the case -- maybe ten years ago, but modern Romantics are so much more. They actually have much of the same programming as our platonic Companions, and even some Domestic capabilities. They're the perfect choice for a busy man who wants a little love in his life."

"Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a look at them…"

The customer pushed aside the curtain leading to the Romantic showroom, and B211's heart stopped.

The man was tall and broad-shouldered, with dark skin and darker curls, and large, sparkling eyes that he could get lost in. He was handsome, very much so, but that wasn't what caused B211's breath to catch in his throat -- he saw many handsome customers. No, there was something about this one that ran deeper than his looks. B211 was seized with an inexplicable, undeniable desire -- this man absolutely had to buy him. This man should be his owner.

(But pets weren't supposed to have desires.)

The customer was staring at B211, too, but not in the way he would prefer. He looked as if he had just seen a ghost.

"Oh, I wouldn't recommend that one," said the salesman. "He's a bit more high maintenance than our other Romantics, and you're looking for a pet that's very independent, right? I'm sure a lawyer doesn't have that much time to spend entertaining a pet, which is why I'm going to recommend this model…"

The customer, the lawyer, let himself be pulled away from B211's case, and B211 was filled with bubbling rage towards the salesman. Something flashed in his mind, a memory, perhaps, of fighting, of kicking and screaming, of having to be held down by four people as the IV was inserted into his arm --

No, that wasn't right. That wasn't right at all. He couldn't hate the salesman, or the handlers, who only wanted the best for him. If the lawyer wasn't a good fit…

He swallowed the lump in his throat. Why was this so important? He'd been passed up by so many people, what was one more to him?

B211 couldn't help but watch the lawyer out of the corner of his eye. Perhaps it was his imagination, but he seemed bored with the other models the salesman was showing him. Distracted. He glanced back at B211, who quickly lowered his eyes to the floor.

"I think I have just the right fit for you!" said a bubbly saleswoman, emerging from the front of the store. She was leading along a man in a slouchy t-shirt and jeans, who was looking around the Romantics showroom in awe, as though he'd never seen so many pets. The saleswoman stopped in front of B211's case. "He's a refurb, so he's available at a discount! He's very affectionate and quite intelligent for a pet."

"Well, he's not bad looking," said this new customer. "Pet, introduce yourself."

B211 snapped to practiced attention. "Hello, sir, my designation is B211, and I'm a Romantic designation with additional Companion training. I enjoy cooking, old movies, and cuddling, and I'm always open to new adventures!"

"Hmm, I'm not sure. He's not really my type. I was hoping for something a little more… demure, do you have anything like that?"

"Certainly, sir, right this way!"

Normally, B211 would be devastated at losing another prospective buyer, but this time, all he could think about was the lawyer. The lawyer who was currently standing in front of the showroom's most expensive pet, being given the hard sell.

"…and he can do anything you want, sir. He'll be there for you when you need companionship, and quiet and out of the way when you need space. He's fully automated and intelligent enough to serve as a personal assistant or run a household. And when it comes to his Romantic skillset… he's very easy to please, and very eager and capable of pleasing others. If this pet is within your budget, I think he'd be the best suited to your needs, sir."

His needs. What were the lawyer's needs? Pets didn't have needs, couldn't have needs. B211 knew he could do whatever that so-called premium model could. But the lawyer probably had more than enough money to go premium, and why would he buy a discounted refurb when he could buy a brand-new luxury model?

"He does seem like an ideal fit…" said the lawyer.

"Would you like to spend a little time with him? I'm sure once you do, you won't be leaving this showroom alone."

"Well… maybe… but I'm still interested in that one. The one I saw when I first came in."

And the lawyer looked straight at B211.

It was impossible, wasn't it? Why would he be interested in B211 when a premium model was an option? Did he actually recognize B211's value? Was that why he'd been so drawn to this man as an owner?

The lawyer walked his way. B211 tried his hardest to read the expression on his face -- an essential skill for Romantics, to be able to read their master's smallest emotions -- but came up short. He couldn't tell what this man was thinking at all.

But his eyes looked kind. And B211 felt…

It was a feeling he couldn't place. It wasn't happy, or aroused, or quiet, or agreeable. B211 suspected it was one of those feelings he wasn't supposed to be having, one that the Drip was supposed to wash out of him.

"Are you sure, sir?" said the salesman, trailing after him. "This one is a refurb, you know. That's why he's on a discount."

"A refurb? Do you know why he was returned?" The lawyer's eyes never left B211.

"Ah, his original owner simply found a new relationship, and was displeased with the amount of attention this Romantic required. He's been wiped of those memories, and we've done our best to train out his unfortunate need for attention, of course, but he'd be a risk compared to our premium models, which can all be customized just for you for only a small additional fee…"

The lawyer wasn't paying attention to the salesman at all as he continued his pitch. He seemed to be weighing something in his mind.

And B211 finally placed what that strange feeling was. Safe. The lawyer made him feel safe. It wasn't something he had felt in training. It was something much older, something he shouldn't remember.

"I want to buy this one," said the lawyer abruptly, cutting off the salesman's patter.

The salesman couldn't hide his shock. "Are you sure, sir? There's no rush. We'd be happy to put a model on hold for you for a small deposit if you'd like more time to make up your mind."

"I've made up my mind. I want this one." The uncertainty on his face from a moment ago was gone, his voice firm. Firm enough that B211 dared to hope.

"If you're certain, then… I'll draw up the paperwork. But keep in mind that we don't accept returns on refurbished pets."

"I won't be returning him."

And the lawyer smiled at B211, actually smiled.

And someone had finally seen him. Someone wanted him. Someone was going to love him.

All he had to do was not screw it the fuck up.

Masterlist > Next

[causenessus]

cold kisses

part 0.7. PRACTICING

PLAYING FROM KODZUKEN'S STREAM . . . just for me by pinkpantheress

if he’s honest, he doesn’t remember her last olympic performance very well.

of course, she's had other programs since then that he's seen, and it didn't really matter. the last olympics was years ago and she was always changing, always improving, always doing something.

it was something he admired about her. while he was fine with the bare minimum and doing just enough to stay busy or get by, there was always some opportunity she was auditioning or registering for. it had been that way since their time in high school, where on top of her own sport she’d help out on the volleyball team, come watch his games, and make sure he’d finished his assignments by the day they were due. he couldn’t deny that her habits had rubbed off on him; she was part of the reason why he had taken up streaming, why he had stuck with it through the rough patches, and why he was trying his best in school (albeit with a little bit of support because sometimes it was a pain in the ass).

what did remembering her last olympics performance have to do with anything?

he wanted to remember it. something other than her dress being a passionate red that matched her personality well and the black color it slowly faded into. a part of him still selfishly thinks maybe she chose those colors because it was his volleyball team’s colors too. the only other memory that comes to mind is atsumu's hands on her hips, and he doesn't want to linger on that.

he doesn’t remember what song they did, or anything about their actual program. he could watch it, but he doesn’t want to hear the commentators say anything stupid about “how well they work together” or worse, a criticism. he doesn’t want to see her little score go up ever so often and how it compares to others, because if he was in charge of judging he’d easily give her the highest scores for every element.

that's another thing he remembers; she’s flawless. she puts in so much time and effort into everything she does, practicing for hours on and off the rink. sure, she skims the ice and sometimes her landings just barely miss perfect precision–she’s complained about every single tiny mistake she’s ever noticed to him–but she’s always handled those little slip-ups so well he never would've paid another thought towards them if she hadn't mentioned them. every one of her movements has a special kind of unmistakable grace, her eyes looking brightly toward the future. it was similar to shoyo and how far he had clambered up into the world, yet it was never enough for him and he was always searching for a new way to do something. they were both such beautifully optimistic people, and perhaps he attracted those kinds of people in order to balance out his own apathy.

when it came to her, sometimes that apathy fell away completely. he wasn’t lying when he had told her that he often got distracted by her. in general, really, but especially when she skated. he enjoyed coming to her practices which had been a lot more often when he was younger and didn't have streams and homework to worry about. more times than not, he had chosen to sit on the sidelines over the comfort of his home. he would bring his switch or sometimes just his phone to play on but only until she started. he always set his device down completely as soon as she was on the ice, entranced by her every movement.

today would be no different, and he would sit with composure through anything atsumu tried. he had to keep reminding himself that partners were always touchy. they had to be touchy. he was stupid to even consider it that; it was integral to the performance that they grabbed onto each other and trusted their partner in order to execute their tricks.

he had his own plans of making atsumu jealous after all, he just had to keep thinking about that instead.

as soon as y/n was out of class, they took the train to the rink. he listened to her talk about her day as they rode. he had skipped school so he didn’t have much to offer her back. they held hands when he noticed someone taking a picture of them, and then for a little while longer until they separated as they approached the ice rink she was practicing at. 

they stopped in front of it as she started to explain something before she decided to just grab his hand once again to lead him inside, guiding him to where he could sit while she continued to talk. he tried to listen to what she said instead of thinking about their hands. she was obviously excited as she explained the ice rink to him; some kind of long history and something about how the roof had just been redone.

he would have paid more attention if he hadn’t seen the blonde approaching them, and her words died down as she noticed him only a second later.

atsumu neared with a smile as nonchalant as always, hands shoved into some black jacket over his athletic shorts. he took one fist out, holding it towards him as he nodded in acknowledgment.

“kozume. i don’t think we’ve seen each other since high school, right? how’ve ya been?”

he forgot he had even known atsumu in high school when he'd been twice the dick, a volleyball player and figure skater.

his face almost cringed for a number of reasons. he forced himself to return the fist bump while his mind buzzed with annoyance simply due to atsumu's voice. “yeah. good to see you,” he forced the words out of his mouth.

y/n had stiffened up next to him and he rubbed a thumb along the back of her hand. he almost wanted to kiss her now just to start something but it wasn't the right time. before either of them could say anything else atsumu’s gaze slid towards y/n. his smile didn’t change at all, he only gave her a wink. “see ya on the ice, y/n.”

it wasn't anything special. he winked at anyone he saw as a greeting. the only thing it was good for was making her feel uncomfortable. but moreover, using her name rather than a pet name wasn't the norm for him. whether it was because kenma was around or because he was backing off (as a part of his plan or genuinely), she’d have to decide later.

 he hadn’t hinted at anything fake yet and he was as calm as ever even upon seeing kenma who had come without any prior notice.

she had been holding her breath without even noticing and exhaled, feeling the tension break in the air as the blond walked away. “well, now that that moment's been ruined, i’ll go change. you can sit over there if you want and i’ll see you later,”  she told kenma, giving his hand a squeeze before she let go and followed in the same direction as atsumu.

they came on together later in one of the outfits he’d seen in the latest post of some ice skating account. they took their time warming up while he took his seat near a chair with a folder on it. y/n glanced often in his direction as she passed by and he would always give her a smile which seemed to make her smile and whole appearance brighten and she’d speed up a little.

the sound of footsteps near him drew his attention away from the rink and he turned to look up at a man who was already looking back at him. he didn’t seem very old, maybe in his late 20s or early 30s. his blonde hair was pushed back by a headband, easily revealing the double piercing on his left ear.

this was her coach if he wasn't mistaken. hadn't she described him as a “pretty princess?"

kenma could only stare at him, waiting for him to say something. he wasn't entirely sure what part of "princess" y/n saw in him, but maybe he had a nice personality under his initial appearance.

then he took out a cigarette and lit it, throwing that thought out the window.

he continued to look at kenma as if he was trying to remember something while he blew out a puff of smoke. whenever someone gave him that stare it was because they were trying to remember where they’d seen him. it was either going to be “aren’t you that boy that plays the games?” (mostly grandmas) or “don’t you play volleyball?” (bonus points if they say something about nationals or “you’re with that guy with the weird spiky hair, right?"). 

“didn’t you play volleyball in highschool?” he finally decided.

“yeah. i’m kenma,” he answered, unsure of what else to say. a pause later, he stuck out his hand–wasn’t this what people did when they met each other? he wouldn’t know.

“ukai,” the man responded, shaking his hand. “did you play for nekoma or something? went to nationals? y/n made me watch your game, i’m pretty sure,” he sat down near him, picking up his folder and flipping through it.

should he have known more about ukai? other than what y/n called him?

“yeah, i did,” kenma said, averting his eyes to the floor.

“you were their setter?” ukai asked, quirking a brow at him. when kenma nodded he continued, “yeah i’ve definitely heard about you. pretty sure y/n said you were her favorite or something.”

she skated by just as he mentioned her name, giving kenma a small wave.

he waved back, “oh, really?”

ukai watched her skate by as well before looking back down at his folder, “i won't ever forget it. she yelled it at me almost every time she saw you when we watched that game. what, are you guys dating now? thought i saw you walk in with her holding her hand and all that shit.”

another cloud of smoke left his mouth with his last sentence and kenma's face slightly warmed. when he put it like that, it made them sound childish. and how often did she talk about him? what else had she said?

“whatever,” ukai continued, looking towards him again, “i don’t mind you being here. she likes you and you seem like a nice enough guy. make sure you’re good to her. there’d be hell to pay if you break her heart, and not just from me. she’s got some pretty memorable friends too, i'm sure you know them. one of them comes here often to watch, i think he even came with us when partners were being announced.” they were a few seats away and ukai patted the seat next to him, “here, sit closer. i’ll explain their choreography to you.”

kenma was a little hesitant at first, unsure if he wanted to be that close to y/n’s coach (and his smoke) but if ukai already knew so much about him, at least kenma would learn more about him and y/n's performance.

just as he moved seats, y/n and atsumu had made their way towards the center of the rink and ukai was yelling directions at them from his seat.

he flinched at the volume but tried his best to pay attention to what ukai was saying and their movements as speakers overhead began to play a song.

ukai sat back farther in his seat the cigarette falling limp between his teeth as they began while kenma remained upright. “you know a little bit about skating, right?” he asked.

he knew the basics, which was probably all ukai was asking about but it wasn’t good enough for kenma, he felt like he should've know more about her sport before coming here. “yeah. just a bit,” kenma shrugged. 

ukai didn’t seem disappointed in his answer and continued to watch the pair in front of them skate. as the hours passed, he had pointed out certain tricks they did, explaining how they’d be rated, how important their footing actually was, and how impressive they really were.

kenma had walked into this rink planning to be as calm and passive as possible towards atsumu, yet everytime he saw atsumu's hands run along her and brush past her skin he felt like he wanted to tear hair out. he'd already told himself it was normal–this was how they had to be, he had to have that hand on her thigh–but it didn’t make the stress in his chest any lighter.

kenma watched as atsumu placed her back on the ground for only a split second before his hands were on her hips again as he lifted and twisted her into the air. it all happened so fast that when he heard her yelp, kenma wasn’t even sure what had happened. he still hadn't processed what had went wrong before atsumu caught her, both of them almost tumbling onto the ice.

her hand was gripped tightly around his arm, their faces inches from each other. she was staring wide eyed into his eyes, her body still trying to catch up to what had just happened. she’d been so close to hitting the ice she thought for sure she was about to land and injure something–probably her shoulder that had twisted oddly at some point in the rotation.

atsumu was breathing just as heavily, his arms still around her torso. he was leaned over her as if he had just dipped her and they stayed in that position for a moment until they had both recovered and he helped her stand back up. he was grinning at her as he removed his hands from her. “you alright there? that was my fault, sorry i scared ya.”

she was still trying her best to calm her heart back down when she replied breathlessly, “yeah–i'm good. it was probably my fault, i don’t think i was close enough to you, sorry. thanks for catching me.” she returned his smile before skating off to ukai who was leaned over the railing asking how they both were.

atsumu followed after her and kenma watched them both approach. atsumu didn’t even bat an eye in his direction, which probably was a good thing. he wasn’t sure exactly how he looked but he was pretty sure he was staring daggers into him.

kenma tuned back into ukai's conversation with y/n as he stepped away from the railing, “that’s enough for today, you guys can come off the ice and go home. take it easy on your shoulder, you got it, y/n?"

she nodded with a sigh, rolling her right shoulder before she turned her gaze towards kenma, a smile on her face as she moved towards the opening in the rail. he offered a hand as she stepped off the ice onto the ground. she took his hand, sighing again before she talked in a quiet voice to him, “it was going super well until the end, sorry you came on a day where we messed up that twist, we’d been doing pretty good, too.” her lips were pursed into a small pout and he couldn’t help but smile.

atsumu was coming off the ice after her and it felt like the perfect time to do it.

he pushed a stray hair behind her ear and cupped the side of her face to grab her attention. “hey,” she looked up at him, one hand reaching up to hold the hand that he had on her face, “you did good, mistake and all”

he leaned closer, closing the gap between them and he felt the way her body stiffened and the noise of surprise she made before she pressed back against him. her lips still felt cold from being on the ice for so long, and it was a welcome contrast to his own temperature. he found he actually quite liked it a lot. the steps behind her went silent and kenma couldn’t resist opening his eyes to see atsumu’s reaction.

to his dismay, atsumu only looked surprised by the kiss, but there wasn’t any hint of anger or jealousy in his eyes. when atsumu noticed that he was looking, he only winked and gave him a smile that looked as if he supported the two.

when she pulled away from him, she followed his eyes to look at atsumu and her face flushed a light pink. moving quickly past kenma without another word, she unlaced her skates at a nearby bench before she disappeared down the row.

neither him nor atsumu said anything. they only stared at each other for a moment longer, atsumu still wearing a pasifistic smile before he followed after y/n.

he hadn’t hinted at pretending at all yet but in kenma’s mind there was no way he supported y/n and him. what was his goal?

prev. | m.list | next

extras <3

this is another chapter i split up bc it was a little long so apologies if the beginning of the next chapter seems a little choppy 😔

AND if my writing sucks idk why it suddenly feels so foreign,, this is that identity fraud imposter thing people get coming in at full force

yes kenma calls atsumu by miya in his texts BUT in the written portion atsumu sounds better than miya imo and i NEED it to sound good </3 NAMES ARE SO HARD I HATE THEM SOMETIMES

I sit in the corner of my room with my little computer and type my silly little hyphens and semicolons please leave me be (I'm talking to my own brain)

while they were texting, kenma really wanted to say something like "yes i'll come to your practice, i want to support my friend" but he physically could not bring himself to refer to y/n as just a friend

y/n was trying her best to respond normally and casually when kenma asked if he could kiss her but she was screaming on the inside to herself during class

iwa showed up at noya's dorm demanding to know what happened bc no one (suna) would tell him. noya was literally shaking but tsukki did not give a single fuck and opened the door to let iwa in

y/n got excited everytime kenma smiled at her if u couldn't tell

atsumu has a phd in gaslight gatekeep girlboss

ukai is such a father figure for y/n and kenma is definitely on his way to getting his approval

i've decided to make kageyama a very important character in this smau because i am in love with him (this will come into play in like 8 chapters lmao)

taglist: @rinheartshyunlix @kettlepop @eggyrocks @cr4yolaas @httpakkeiji @keioover @does-directions @calx-bdo @staygoldsquatchling02 @cherrypieyourface @iluv-ace @kitty-m30w @h3xi2g0n3 @mylahrins @thechaosoflonging @momoriii-i @localgaytrainwreck @a-pastel-edgelord @bugglesboop @polish-cereal @osakis-gf @phoenix-eclipses @faesix @ryeyeyer @skylarkalchemist @kunimix @sereniteav @kodzubaby @stayyyyyyyyyyyy21 @r0seandth0rns @gsyche @kitnootkat @seillarium @tamimemo @myromanempiree @coldcigarette @eclipticnikki @squiishymeow @vivian-555 @cryptictheseus @eclecticeggknightpsychic @kodzukein @kawaii-angelanne @luvly-writer @kodzuken-hoe @kodzuken88 @bookworm-center @theweirdfloatything (form to be added to taglist! <3)

[thatssosussex]

In celebration of International Day of the Girl, Meghan, The Duchess of Sussex, visited Girls Inc. of Greater Santa Barbara to engage with young girls about their experiences growing up in the digital age. She was joined by⁣ Larissa May (founder & executive director of Half the Story), and Dr. Stephanie J. Hull (CEO of Girls Inc). (10/2/24)

This visit coincided with the announcement of contributions from The Archewell Foundation, Pivotal Ventures, and the Oprah Winfrey Charitable Foundation to support a partnership between Girls Inc. and #HalfTheStory, aimed at delivering essential digital wellness programming to girls in underserved communities across America.⁣

⁣Meghan Markle joined the girls for a screen-free afternoon of games, friendship bracelets, coloring, and some frank talk about social media. The Social Media U curriculum that Meghan helped test out last week with middle school–age kids was designed with the help of its teen advisory board. “We really wanted to make sure that the teens at “Half The Story” were able to give their input on the type of experience that we would create. Ultimately, we thought the best way to do that was to create a space of vulnerability,” May says, adding that it was even more powerful with the duchess in the room. “With Stephanie and Meghan, we talked about what it really means to grow up in this digital age.” ⁣

⁣“We did an activity where we talked through a bunch of scenarios, and Meghan talked about being one of the most bullied people in the world,” May tells Vanity Fair. “We had girls wave these little emoji signs and talk about how each one of these scenarios would have impacted them emotionally.”⁣

⁣Girls Inc. is a network of 75 organizations across the US and Canada, which reaches about 114,000 girls annually with their programming and leadership training.

[i3coaching]

The Ultimate Guide to Find business Leadership Coaching Programs

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Being a business leader is tough, and you need to be prepared for whatever challenge is coming your way. And getting Management Development Training can equip you to become a better leader. It can help you work on your creativity and critical thinking to boost your decision-making skills and maximize your profits. Mail Us i3coachingandleadership@gmail.comAddress Boulder, Colorado

[opalblade]

03 NOVEMBER 24.

𓂀 THE SHADOW OF ANURADHA & THE BLACK WIDOW .

⋆ AN. this post is inspired by astrotalaya's post on anuradha natives. reading her thread will help you understand this post.

natasha romanoff played by anuradha sun and possible anuradha asc native, scarlett johansson

talia says anuradha natives are seen as perfect and this causes them to seek perfection through working on themselves and putting their egos down to overcome internal weaknesses.

she also mentions that the scorpio rashi deals with envy, jealousy and resentment (we see this in jyeshta), and that anuradha natives can be the perfect one that's resented or the resentful one.

anuradha is also related to spiders and we see this with the amount of anuradha natives that have played spiderman/spiderwoman.

the way this all links to natasha is that she was kidnapped and trafficked as a child to become a secret agent in the black widow program.

she had to put down her ego (essentially forgetting herself) to become the perfect vessel to kill and spy.

she was the perfect one and the perfect candidate - the only black widow in her cohort to survive and become an actual black widow.

the envy and resentment is shown best in the comics but essentially yelena belova did not like her and resented her for being the perfect black widow. she resented her even more for betraying the program and joining shield / the usa over russia.

this leads to yelena belova constantly competing with natasha and even wanting to kill her. (in the comics)

in the mcu, we see their rivalry played out in a fight scene between them. they even try to kill each other and yelena is shown to hold some resentment towards natasha for "betraying" her, and is even jealous that natasha was able to escape the red room.

and building off what talia said:

"Anuradha can do honorable things that supports its ascension to then become the honored one."

in the mcu, natasha saved the world by sacrifing herself and this led to her finally being respected, especially after she was revealed to be a spy in the winter soldier and was forced to go on the run.

she had always wanted to get the "red out of her ledger" and make up for all the murder, assassinations and lives she had ruined, which she finally did by getting the soul stone in endgame and taking down the red room in her solo movie.

"On the other hand, the drive for honor and abundance can make motivate a more selfishly ambitious Anuradha to do some questionable things to get it."

obviously when she was a true black widow, she had to betray everyone else in the program and do terrible things to stay alive and be the perfect one. the black widows are also forced to kill each other in training.

she had to put her ego down to do these things as i previously mentioned. claire nakti said in her uttara bhadrapada (a saturn nakshatra) video that uttara bhadrapada natives are commonly forced to submit their egos and even forget their names. we can see below in a comic panel that natasha romanoff has been indoctrinated into believing she has "no place in the world"

this is all in the pursuit of perfection, as saturn promises (this is a saturn nakshatra after all). but seeing as it's a mars rashi (scorpio), she had to do destructive things to get there.

the refinement of saturn and brutality of mars is shown beautifully in age of ultron, where we're shown the red room in natasha's nightmares/flashback.

the juxtaposition of ballet, a highly difficult style of dance where precision and perfection are necessary (saturn)

VERSUS.

natasha training to become the perfect assassin, even being forced to execute a man (not shown here, but it's right after this gif).

she eventually rises from this though - the brainwashing and all the trauma and indoctrination - to saving the world multiple times and then the universe in endgame. like a lotus! (an anuradha symbol)

anuradha's basis above is ascension and anuradha's basis below is descension, and as talia herself says:

"it ascends by descending, obtaining grace for its efforts"

uttara bhadrapada and anuradha both gain rewards for their efforts and we see this in claire nakti's video and also in natasha romanoff's character and story.

. *     .     　⁺ 　 .⁺ 　　    ˚ . *     .     　⁺ 　 .⁺ 　

© 2024 opalblade. do not copy, repost, or translate my works to any other platforms.

[eternalsa2z]

Business

I know what they say. That I slept my way to the top. That my tits are my best assets. That I'm just bimbo eye candy for the board. It's all true...to an extent.

The key difference is that my business acumen came before my bimbo act. I earn the right to be my brightest, pinkest, best self. I won't apologize for being both a powerful businesswoman and pretty bimbo.

The best way to deal with doubters is through education. Show them they are wrong to judge. With my Performance Enhancing Training Program I'll show the other executives how to hone the skills that got me here. Or at least...how to be pretty obedient little bimbo secretaries. I've got enough intelligence for all of us.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Solar is a market for (financial) lemons

There are only four more days left in my Kickstarter for the audiobook of The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues, narrated by @wilwheaton! You can pre-order the audiobook and ebook, DRM free, as well as the hardcover, signed or unsigned. There's also bundles with Red Team Blues in ebook, audio or paperback.

Rooftop solar is the future, but it's also a scam. It didn't have to be, but America decided that the best way to roll out distributed, resilient, clean and renewable energy was to let Wall Street run the show. They turned it into a scam, and now it's in terrible trouble. which means we are in terrible trouble.

There's a (superficial) good case for turning markets loose on the problem of financing the rollout of an entirely new kind of energy provision across a large and heterogeneous nation. As capitalism's champions (and apologists) have observed since the days of Adam Smith and David Ricardo, markets harness together the work of thousands or even millions of strangers in pursuit of a common goal, without all those people having to agree on a single approach or plan of action. Merely dangle the incentive of profit before the market's teeming participants and they will align themselves towards it, like iron filings all snapping into formation towards a magnet.

But markets have a problem: they are prone to "reward hacking." This is a term from AI research: tell your AI that you want it to do something, and it will find the fastest and most efficient way of doing it, even if that method is one that actually destroys the reason you were pursuing the goal in the first place.

https://learn.microsoft.com/en-us/security/engineering/failure-modes-in-machine-learning

For example: if you use an AI to come up with a Roomba that doesn't bang into furniture, you might tell that Roomba to avoid collisions. However, the Roomba is only designed to register collisions with its front-facing sensor. Turn the Roomba loose and it will quickly hit on the tactic of racing around the room in reverse, banging into all your furniture repeatedly, while never registering a single collision:

https://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2021/04/when-ais-start-hacking.html

This is sometimes called the "alignment problem." High-speed, probabilistic systems that can't be fully predicted in advance can very quickly run off the rails. It's an idea that pre-dates AI, of course – think of the Sorcerer's Apprentice. But AI produces these perverse outcomes at scale…and so does capitalism.

Many sf writers have observed the odd phenomenon of corporate AI executives spinning bad sci-fi scenarios about their AIs inadvertently destroying the human race by spinning off in some kind of paperclip-maximizing reward-hack that reduces the whole planet to grey goo in order to make more paperclips. This idea is very implausible (to say the least), but the fact that so many corporate leaders are obsessed with autonomous systems reward-hacking their way into catastrophe tells us something about corporate executives, even if it has no predictive value for understanding the future of technology.

Both Ted Chiang and Charlie Stross have theorized that the source of these anxieties isn't AI – it's corporations. Corporations are these equilibrium-seeking complex machines that can't be programmed, only prompted. CEOs know that they don't actually run their companies, and it haunts them, because while they can decompose a company into all its constituent elements – capital, labor, procedures – they can't get this model-train set to go around the loop:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/09/autocomplete-worshippers/#the-real-ai-was-the-corporations-that-we-fought-along-the-way

Stross calls corporations "Slow AI," a pernicious artificial life-form that acts like a pedantic genie, always on the hunt for ways to destroy you while still strictly following your directions. Markets are an extremely reliable way to find the most awful alignment problems – but by the time they've surfaced them, they've also destroyed the thing you were hoping to improve with your market mechanism.

Which brings me back to solar, as practiced in America. In a long Time feature, Alana Semuels describes the waves of bankruptcies, revealed frauds, and even confiscation of homeowners' houses arising from a decade of financialized solar:

https://time.com/6565415/rooftop-solar-industry-collapse/

The problem starts with a pretty common finance puzzle: solar pays off big over its lifespan, saving the homeowner money and insulating them from price-shocks, emergency power outages, and other horrors. But solar requires a large upfront investment, which many homeowners can't afford to make. To resolve this, the finance industry extends credit to homeowners (lets them borrow money) and gets paid back out of the savings the homeowner realizes over the years to come.

But of course, this requires a lot of capital, and homeowners still might not see the wisdom of paying even some of the price of solar and taking on debt for a benefit they won't even realize until the whole debt is paid off. So the government moved in to tinker with the markets, injecting prompts into the slow AIs to see if it could coax the system into producing a faster solar rollout – say, one that didn't have to rely on waves of deadly power-outages during storms, heatwaves, fires, etc, to convince homeowners to get on board because they'd have experienced the pain of sitting through those disasters in the dark.

The government created subsidies – tax credits, direct cash, and mixes thereof – in the expectation that Wall Street would see all these credits and subsidies that everyday people were entitled to and go on the hunt for them. And they did! Armies of fast-talking sales-reps fanned out across America, ringing dooorbells and sticking fliers in mailboxes, and lying like hell about how your new solar roof was gonna work out for you.

These hustlers tricked old and vulnerable people into signing up for arrangements that saw them saddled with ballooning debt payments (after a honeymoon period at a super-low teaser rate), backstopped by liens on their houses, which meant that missing a payment could mean losing your home. They underprovisioned the solar that they installed, leaving homeowners with sky-high electrical bills on top of those debt payments.

If this sounds familiar, it's because it shares a lot of DNA with the subprime housing bubble, where fast-talking salesmen conned vulnerable people into taking out predatory mortgages with sky-high rates that kicked in after a honeymoon period, promising buyers that the rising value of housing would offset any losses from that high rate.

These fraudsters knew they were acquiring toxic assets, but it didn't matter, because they were bundling up those assets into "collateralized debt obligations" – exotic black-box "derivatives" that could be sold onto pension funds, retail investors, and other suckers.

This is likewise true of solar, where the tax-credits, subsidies and other income streams that these new solar installations offgassed were captured and turned into bonds that were sold into the financial markets, producing an insatiable demand for more rooftop solar installations, and that meant lots more fraud.

Which brings us to today, where homeowners across America are waking up to discover that their power bills have gone up thanks to their solar arrays, even as the giant, financialized solar firms that supplied them are teetering on the edge of bankruptcy, thanks to waves of defaults. Meanwhile, all those bonds that were created from solar installations are ticking timebombs, sitting on institutions' balance-sheets, waiting to go blooie once the defaults cross some unpredictable threshold.

Markets are very efficient at mobilizing capital for growth opportunities. America has a lot of rooftop solar. But 70% of that solar isn't owned by the homeowner – it's owned by a solar company, which is to say, "a finance company that happens to sell solar":

https://www.utilitydive.com/news/solarcity-maintains-34-residential-solar-market-share-in-1h-2015/406552/

And markets are very efficient at reward hacking. The point of any market is to multiply capital. If the only way to multiply the capital is through building solar, then you get solar. But the finance sector specializes in making the capital multiply as much as possible while doing as little as possible on the solar front. Huge chunks of those federal subsidies were gobbled up by junk-fees and other financial tricks – sometimes more than 100%.

The solar companies would be in even worse trouble, but they also tricked all their victims into signing binding arbitration waivers that deny them the power to sue and force them to have their grievances heard by fake judges who are paid by the solar companies to decide whether the solar companies have done anything wrong. You will not be surprised to learn that the arbitrators are reluctant to find against their paymasters.

I had a sense that all this was going on even before I read Semuels' excellent article. We bought a solar installation from Treeium, a highly rated, giant Southern California solar installer. We got an incredibly hard sell from them to get our solar "for free" – that is, through these financial arrangements – but I'd just sold a book and I had cash on hand and I was adamant that we were just going to pay upfront. As soon as that was clear, Treeium's ardor palpably cooled. We ended up with a grossly defective, unsafe and underpowered solar installation that has cost more than $10,000 to bring into a functional state (using another vendor). I briefly considered suing Treeium (I had insisted on striking the binding arbitration waiver from the contract) but in the end, I decided life was too short.

The thing is, solar is amazing. We love running our house on sunshine. But markets have proven – again and again – to be an unreliable and even dangerous way to improve Americans' homes and make them more resilient. After all, Americans' homes are the largest asset they are apt to own, which makes them irresistible targets for scammers:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/06/the-rents-too-damned-high/

That's why the subprime scammers targets Americans' homes in the 2000s, and it's why the house-stealing fraudsters who blanket the country in "We Buy Ugly Homes" are targeting them now. Same reason Willie Sutton robbed banks: "That's where the money is":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/11/ugly-houses-ugly-truth/

America can and should electrify and solarize. There are serious logistical challenges related to sourcing the underlying materials and deploying the labor, but those challenges are grossly overrated by people who assume the only way we can approach them is though markets, those monkey's paw curses that always find a way to snatch profitable defeat from the jaws of useful victory.

To get a sense of how the engineering challenges of electrification could be met, read McArthur fellow Saul Griffith's excellent popular engineering text Electrify:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/12/09/practical-visionary/#popular-engineering

And to really understand the transformative power of solar, don't miss Deb Chachra's How Infrastructure Works, where you'll learn that we could give every person on Earth the energy budget of a Canadian (like an American, but colder) by capturing just 0.4% of the solar rays that reach Earth's surface:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/17/care-work/#charismatic-megaprojects

But we won't get there with markets. All markets will do is create incentives to cheat. Think of the market for "carbon offsets," which were supposed to substitute markets for direct regulation, and which produced a fraud-riddled market for lemons that sells indulgences to our worst polluters, who go on destroying our planet and our future:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/14/for-sale-green-indulgences/#killer-analogy

We can address the climate emergency, but not by prompting the slow AI and hoping it doesn't figure out a way to reward-hack its way to giant profits while doing nothing. Founder and chairman of Goodleap, Hayes Barnard, is one of the 400 richest people in the world – a fortune built on scammers who tricked old people into signing away their homes for nonfunctional solar):

https://www.forbes.com/profile/hayes-barnard/?sh=40d596362b28

If governments are willing to spend billions incentivizing rooftop solar, they can simply spend billions installing rooftop solar – no Slow AI required.

Berliners: Otherland has added a second date (Jan 28 - TOMORROW!) for my book-talk after the first one sold out - book now!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/27/here-comes-the-sun-king/#sign-here

Back the Kickstarter for the audiobook of The Bezzle here!

Image:

Future Atlas/www.futureatlas.com/blog (modified)

https://www.flickr.com/photos/87913776@N00/3996366952

--

CC BY 2.0

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

J Doll (modified)

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Blue_Sky_%28140451293%29.jpeg

CC BY 3.0

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

[seat-safety-switch]

Theatre: it's a thing. Every high school across the country is training up kids, teaching them to follow their dreams of becoming an actor or at least being really picky about Hamlet. Thousands of new actors every year, but many fewer playwrights. What were they going to perform? I decided that Shakespeare would probably have wanted me to write what I did next.

You might think it's very difficult to get established as a playwright. For instance, the common person thinks that you have to write plays. This is wrongheaded thinking from a bygone era. In this modern age, all you have to do is hop on LinkedIn, find some guy who looks like he is involved with handing out the money to a theatre, and then tell him you're a playwright and you'll make all this boring art profitable.

Will you? Fuck no. The last time I ran a profit, the cops showed up and demanded that I stop using a network of schoolchildren in my lemonade-stand "franchise operation." I have no idea whatsoever about how money is made in putting on plays, but – and here's the rub – neither does anyone else. It just seems to happen, because folks feel obligated to throw in a few bucks and get their corporate logos on the program. And there were quite a few logos on the program of my inaugural performance of 1972 Fiat 850 Coupe.

Was it successful, financially? Somehow, despite my best efforts, yes. Did the actors like performing it? Probably not the ones who had to dress up as "Fiat Executive, Cappuccino E. Pepperoncini," but that was only half of the cast. And in case you're curious how that is possible, I invite you to come on down to the Shunting-Yard Playhouse this next weekend, where you'll find out. Bring some spare oil.