#Because god I wouldn’t stand myself if I was someone else because how could you stand hanging out with someone so boring

[look-at-my-silly-guys]

fun fact I’m pretty sure all my ocs designs and art are like

meaningless

Like I feel like there should probably have been some meaning to them and the way I make them and their art but I just

dont

have any

I’m super jealous of people who can make their art just have meaning because my art is like me and just

meaningless

I should work on that

[onmykneesformatt]

🍒cherry candy🍒 -m.s.

synopsis: one of your biggest insecurities is matt’s favorite thing in the entire world. so what happens when you go on a shopping spree?

warnings: SMUT, softdom!matt, fem!reader, no use of y/n, semi-public sex, PRAISING OH MY LORDDDTT, unprotected p in v (safe sex is great sex, betta wear a latex), boob play for DAYS, mentions of body dysmorphia, i don’t think anything else???

a/n: this is a lil slow but i'm hoping y'all like it anyways >-<. y’all were HEAVY on the tittyguy!matt shit, so i decided to treat y’all and give y’all a fic😛🍒🌺 ENJOY SLUTS!!🍒🎀🌺

“let’s start at target! they have those billie eilish shirts for her newest album!”

you giggled like a little girl, practically skipping into the target while holding matt’s pinky.

“alright, your choice.” he smiled, happy that you’re finally getting out of the house more.

you’ve been staying inside for the past couple weeks.

he picked up on signs that it was about something someone might’ve said at your family reunion. he loved your body, and he thought anyone who didn’t was insane.

you admitted to him after the first week straight of not having sex or even being half-naked around him while getting dressed everyday.

-

“what’s up with you? you used to love putting on fashion shows every morning while changing, but you haven’t for, what? two weeks now? it’s so cute, and i love it. what’s wrong?”

“it’s nothing.”

“it’s something.”

he stood up from the edge of the bed to stand in toe-to-toe with you, your back almost touching the closet door.

“uhm.. i-“

“you can tell me, pretty girl. i wont judge you.”

“mhm, okay. well, do you remember my dads side of the family?”

“oh, god.”

he scoffed, knowing what you were about to say.

“well, at the family reunion, they wouldn’t stop bringing up how i was looking ‘more exposed’ than a college girl should, and kept staring at my boobs. i didn’t take any of it to heart at first, but then my cousins started whispering to eachother. i mean, i get it, i might’ve gained some weight since the last reunion, but it still hurts. and i can only imagine how they felt seeing my thighs and stomach. i went swimming! they practically saw everything they needed to make fun of me!”

he grabbed your waist, pulling you into a hug against his chest while you caught your breath.

“baby. are you kidding? do you know how often i imagine myself between those thighs while i’m at meetings? how i love pressing on your stomach to push you closer against me when i’m behind you? and, oh my god. those boobs. i would lay on them all day if i could. have you ever noticed how when we’re laying down, my hands just ‘happen’ to move up to your chest? or when you’re.. y’know.. on top of me, i use them to relieve ‘stress’?”

he was helpful whenever it came to compliments. more than helpful.

“i know. but almost every girl in my family has the perky, slim look. i don’t think i’m overweight or anything, but compared to them i must look huge.”

matt shook his head at your comment, knowing that no matter what you wore, you looked like a goddess to him.

“you’re not, baby. you’re perfect.”

he backed up, having a cheesy grin on his face. the same face he makes when he’s about to say something funny but kind of corny.

“i mean, you’re like cherry candy to me.”

you giggled, wiping away the light tears on your face.

you felt safe again.

the morning after, you started doing your fashion shows again. matt smiled knowing he was able to bring you so much comfort, and also bring back your confidence.

-

”how about this?” you grabbed the light brown, one-piece bathing suit that had a sheer cover-up attached to it.

“you would look amazing in it. but, i thought you didn’t like one-pieces because of the way they felt on your skin?”

“i don’t,” you looked down, starting to fidget with the price tag. “but, i don’t know. there’s gonna be a lot of girls at this pool party.”

“so?” it slipped matt’s mind. again. he thought you were perfect, so he saw no issue with the way you looked.

“oh.” he remembered. the comments from your dads side of the family shouldn’t have stuck the way they did. he tried to keep his composure, trying not to imagine the way you must’ve acted after they would say things like that. he started to regret not going with you. it was only a few hours, but those few hours affected the next few weeks of your life.

“well, i think you should forget about what people might think. as bad as this may come off, you can’t change anything about your body. i mean, i love it. if you couldn’t tell.”

his hands landed on your waist, pulling you in.

“and, personally, you have the best body i’ve ever seen.” that meant a lot coming from a guy who’s friends with people like madison beer, nessa barrett, and multiple other attractive female influencers. not that you thought he would ever go for them, but he worshipped you. like, worshipped you.

“i love you so much, matt. you have no idea.”

“i love you more.”

~ after about 15 minutes of scouring through the target to find more bathing suits to try, especially two-pieces, you found the dressing room.

matt sat patiently on the bench right outside, waiting for you to walk out.

“uh, matt?”

“yeah, babe?”

“i don’t really wanna, y’know.. walk out there.”

“okay, that’s fine.”

his eyes widened slightly when he saw the opportunity approach.

“do you want me to.. go in there with you?”

you honestly thought nothing of it. i mean, he's your boyfriend. he's seen you naked like a thousand times.

"sure. maybe you can actually help me get this shit off."

you giggled, and he smirked at your offer.

you unlocked the dressing room door, hiding behind it as you cracked it open making sure no one could see you.

as you stepped out from behind the door, matt's jaw dropped at how the beautiful blue bikini hugged you in all the right places. all the right places.

"holy shit."

you accidentally covered your cleavage with your left hand nervously playing with your necklace, while the right rubbed your forehead.

"you think?"

without a word, he grabbed your left hand and threw it to your side. he was drooling at the sight of his favorite thing in the world.

your tits.

"i- uh.. just.. wow."

you blushed, covering your face with both hands.

"stop doing that."

he threw both of your arms down to your side with a stern look on his face.

"sorry, baby. do you.. maybe wanna help me change out of it?"

in an instant, he turned you around and quickly untied your top.

he slid the straps down your shoulders, admiring the soft skin.

his breath was heavy on your ear while he praised you and stared at your chest.

"god. what could i ever do without you? without these?"

his hands slid from your lower belly all the way up to your chest, playing with them like he needed it.

leaving hickeys all over your neck, he slowly turned you to face him. he tugged at the side of the bathing suit bottoms, signaling for you to take them off. after you did, he was quick to proving that you were everything and more.

"jump."

he had you pressed against the wall, your legs around his lower waist and arms slung over his shoulders. he started kissing in the crook of your neck until he reached your chest. he pecked anywhere he could reach, leaving behind little praises.

"i don't deserve you."

"i can't believe you're mine."

"you look more and more perfect every single day."

after about a minute, you both grew impatient.

he slipped his sweatpants and boxer down to his mid thigh. he kept heavy contact with your lips, making sure you knew just how much he craved your sweet taste.

he teased your entrance, slowly slipping his length into you. after adjusting to not only him but also the new position, he started going at a sweet and sultry but quick pace.

he somehow slipped a free hand, squeezing any amount of your tits that he could while kissing your neck. you fell into a high that left claw marks at his upper back, only motivating him more.

"you see how much i care about you? how perfect your- fuck.. your body really is? you had me folded from a bikini."

you giggled while still keeping your heavy breaths.

"try to stay quiet. don't need some rando knowing how great you really are. you're mine. you're my candy."

light groans and quiet sighs both escaped your mouths as you tried to keep from screaming each others names.

"i love you. i love what you give me. i don't deserve it. god- fuck.. i love you."

-

the coast was clear after walking out of the dressing room, both of you sweaty with slightly messy hair.

you walked to the register, smiling and holding matt's hand.

"just these, please."

"great choices, and i'm sure the boyfriend approves."

the cashier giggled while giving a look that made you blush knowing what just happened five minutes prior.

matt pulled you closer to him by your waist.

"trust me, i do."

-

HAHA YALL BETTER BE HAPPYYYYY

now time to move onto subnerd!matt which might be out by next week!!!

bye sluts!!🌺🍒

[sansaorgana]

hii 😊 can you please write benny x yn where she thinks he’s a player so she doesn’t want to give him a chance and go on a date with someone else and that drives him crazy and he does everything for her to see him differently, even asks kathy to put in a good word for him

hi! 💝 I know you sent it like 2 hours ago – I swear, I am not insane but I was itching so badly to write something about Benny that... it's already here 👀 as much as I adore the fics with innocent, sweet Readers – my Reader talks back 😇🤭 I hope it's fine 😘

[ I haven't abandoned the three requests from my inbox from the last time, I promise ]

requests for benny are open 🥺🎀

Benny Cross was an insufferable guy. He was showing up at your diner nearly every day and always asking for the same thing with the same smug smile on his pretty full lips – and always getting your annoyed eye-rolls each time. Yeah, he was pretty and you wouldn’t deny that. And yeah, you could see why so many girls saw the appeal. Bad boys were in fashion now… Well, actually, where had they not been? But you didn’t want to end up as a girl in trouble. Perhaps you were just an ordinary waitress but you still didn’t want to ruin your life for a player. And you couldn’t understand why he wanted you so badly.

“I think it’s because you turned him down,” Kathy explained to you the other day. She was your friend and recently she had also been strangely associated with Benny’s motorbike gang – The Vandals. Ever since her breakup, you could not recognise her, honestly.

“I turned him down, exactly,” you emphasised. “Why can’t guys learn that no means no?” You sighed.

“Oh, please, it must feel… Flattering to be chased by a guy like Benny, right?” Kathy giggled and you looked away, trying not to reveal that yeah, she was right.

“Listen, I just don’t want to end up like my cousin. She had a one night stand with this bad boy at college and guess what? She had to drop out, now she’s a single baby mama and the guy? God only knows where. Some say he married another chick in Nevada,” you explained to Kathy.

“But you’re not in college,” she pointed out as her eyes widened and you just rolled your eyes.

Jesus, what was going on with her these days?

You couldn't know that it was Benny himself telling her to "spread the propaganda" so you'd be more willing to finally agree to go out with him. You couldn't know that you were driving this man crazy – driving him crazier than his motorbike. He would wake up at night all sweaty and all he could think about was you.

You were a tough cookie and you were a challenge – that was for sure. But Benny knew it was more than that. He already knew that his desire would not disappear after claiming you. In fact, it would only grow once he'd get a taste. He was serious about you and he was desperate for you to see it.

When Marcus Lane asked you out, you were speechless. You were walking out of a flower store with a fresh bouquet to put on your grandfather’s grave and he whistled at you.

You turned around and raised an eyebrow at the guy leaning on his car. And God, what a car that was… A shiny, black Cadillac that made your eyes sparkle.

“Hi!” You waved at him. “You’re back from college,” you pointed out.

“Yeah,” he nodded at you and lit a cigarette. He offered you one but you shook your head. “Couldn’t wait to visit my neighbourhood. I’m staying with my ma until the end of summer,” he explained. “Then I got a job for myself in New York City,” he bragged so casually.

You had always thought he was full of himself and full of shit, too, but out of all the guys in your high school year he had been the one who would succeed most likely. Apparently, it was true. He was going places.

“And how’s Camilla?” You asked him.

“We broke up,” he winced. “What you doing tonight?”

You blinked a few times and fixed your skirt. Marcus Lane asking you out?

“Nothin’,” you answered and tilted your head.

“Wanna go and see a picture?” Marcus asked.

“Yeah!” You nodded, not even asking what picture.

“Still living with your ma?”

“Yeah,” you answered.

“I’ll pick you up at six,” he winked at you and you only nodded at him before walking away, not being able to hide a smile.

On your way back from the graveyard, you stopped by the laundry to tell Kathy the news but she didn’t look excited.

“He’s a knobhead, isn’t he? Always has been,” she shook her head.

“Wow, gee, thanks for being happy for me! You know he’s goin’ places and… He’s gonna be somebody,” you couldn’t help a grin.

“Don’t even start,” Kathy put her hands on her hips but you kept on a dreamy expression, so she snapped her fingers right in front of your face. “Guys like Marcus Lane do not date girls like us, wake up.”

“Why would he ask me out then?” You got defensive because your feelings and pride were hurt – mostly because you had a feeling Kathy was right.

“Because he’s back for the summer and bored? He saw you and thought he could play with you for a while before he leaves forever? Because he thinks a silly girl he remembers from high school might be an easy fuck for the summer?” Kathy asked and asked as your anxiety grew.

“Wow, thanks,” you got angry because you hated how right she could be. And sometimes you hated how honest she was instead of feeding your delusions. “I’m going out with him tonight and I’m not gonna sleep with him,” you told her before walking out to go back home and prepare for the night.

You wore a red polka dot top and tight jeans for the date instead of a dress. Marcus didn’t comment but he looked a little disappointed and you could see that on his face. He kept staring at your thighs as he drove you to the cinema, which increased your anxiety that Kathy could had been right indeed… More than you had expected.

You went to see Bonnie and Clyde and after the movie, Marcus insisted on taking you to a club in the neighbourhood. It was one of those places you would never go to alone but with a man around, you felt safer. At least you should feel this way. But something about Marcus was not right. Why would a proper guy like him even want to take you to a club like that? Perhaps because he was seeing you as a girl like that. You didn’t disagree, though. The idea of getting free drinks was tempting.

“Looks like some of those dirty bums have a meeting here tonight,” he murmured to himself as you walked inside and you sighed at the sight of The Vandals themselves.

The whole place was full of cigarette smoke and it stank of sweat, leather and grease.

“I hate those punks,” Marcus winced. “Sit here, I’ll get us something to drink,” he winked at you as he sat you down by one of the tables and you nodded,

He walked away, without even asking you what you wanted. You looked around, feeling out of place and then you spotted him… Benny Cross by the pool table. You quickly looked the other way but he glanced in your direction and smirked.

You pretended to be very fascinated by the posters on the wall but he sat by the table next to yours and kept grinning at you with his flashy smile, his muscles all on display as he rested his arms on the chair’s backrest.

Seeing you there, it made his heart skip a beat. And those tight blue jeans, that red top... Benny was smug for a moment, thinking that you finally decided to hang out with him. He had been inviting you to this club many times before.

However, he quickly realised that you weren' there alone. And the guy you came with made him feel sick in his stomach. Not only because he looked like a typical piece of shit that would take advantage of a girl like you... But also because this guy represented everything that Benny was not. And it was making him feel insecure at the moment. Of course your standards were higher than a guy like him. That was one of the reasons why he liked you so much.

Still, he decided to play his little game and annoy you a little.

Marcus came back with two drinks in his hand and he looked Benny up and down before placing a drink in front of you.

“That punk bothering you?” He asked – quite bravely, you had to admit. But Benny remained the same as if he was a statue.

“For weeks now,” you chuckled and watched Marcus take a seat in front of you, still glancing angrily at Benny on your right. 

“Is he stupid or somethin’?” Marcus asked.

“It’s fine. Let’s just pretend he’s not here,” you shrugged your arms.

In fact, you enjoyed it. And you wanted to pretend to like Marcus more than you did so Benny would finally realise you were not interested.

Still… You couldn’t help an odd feeling of safety now when he was sitting next to you and some part of you didn’t want him to walk away and leave you alone with Marcus.

“So, what do you think about the movie?” Marcus asked and sipped on his drink as you sipped on yours. Benny raised an eyebrow at you.

“We were in the cinema to watch Bonnie and Clyde,” you informed him quickly as if he was in the audience and you were an actress in the theatre but he was late and you wanted him to catch on. He nodded his head like a little boy and Marcus gritted his teeth. “Well,” you addressed your date now as you fixed your hair nonchalantly. “I adored it. And Warren Beatty was beautiful as always.”

“I don’t like him,” Marcus commented. “And I didn’t like the movie much. My favourite part was when they got killed.”

“Why?” You asked. It was already getting difficult to pretend to like him. And Benny seemed to be interested by his answer too – he tilted his head.

“Because they were outlaws and a couple of twisted psychos!” Marcus got irritated – at Benny still being there and at you asking such silly questions with such obvious answers.

“Yeah, they were but there’s also some romanticism to it, don’t you think? That’s why they made a movie about them. And why did you even go to see a movie about people you despise so much?” You asked and sipped on your drink again.

“You can’t be serious. There’s nothing romantic about murdering people,” Marcus started sounding very patronising and you suddenly realised that Kathy had been right. So, so much. You were a silly girl in his eyes.

“Murdering – no. But the life they had. The love, the freedom on the road,” you tried to explain.

“You want freedom on the road? Ask one of those bums here to show you,” Marcus laughed with irony and he squinted his eyes at Benny. “What you still doing here, punk? How can I get it into your thick head that you’re not a part of this conversation? It’s my date,” he scoffed.

“It’s my girl,” Benny leaned back with a smug smile and your heart skipped a beat.

Usually, when he’d call you that, you would get angry. But now, when Marcus had been annoying you for the whole evening, you actually enjoyed that. Because Marcus’ face was priceless. He looked at you with disgust.

“Is this true?” He asked you. “What the hell is going on?”

But before you could answer, some drunk and loud biker entered the club loudly as he laughed out loud.

“Fuck, I’ve scratched some Cadillac in the front!” He announced and sat by the counter to order beer. You couldn’t help but chuckle at that and Marcus’ face went as red as tomato.

He stood up rapidly, gave you a furious look and then ran outside to check on his beloved car, surely. Not caring much about the fact he was leaving you alone with dangerous men swarming around.

“So…” Benny started lazily as he licked his lips before looking you up and down. “That’s your type?” He pointed his thumb at the door Marcus had just left through. “That why you didn’t want me to take you out?”

“Why did you do that?” You asked, genuinely and his face got serious now.

“I saw you sittin’ here all alone, for a moment I thought… You came here for me,” he admitted with a laugh. “Then I saw that guy and I thought to myself: Jesus, what an asshole. So, I wanted to watch,” he shrugged his arms and you couldn’t help but stare at the flexing muscles and all the tattoos.

“He’s a proper guy. Graduated from college and with a job waiting for him in New York City,” you explained.

“But you’re not a proper girl,” Benny pointed out with a grin and you suddenly got a flashback of Kathy telling you the same thing – that you were just a silly girl for Marcus, just an easy fuck for the summer… 

You stood up rapidly and Benny looked up with a confused look on his face but you ignored him and left the club, hoping Marcus was still there and you could explain to him that you weren’t Benny’s girl… Maybe he’d drive you home?

But Marcus wasn’t there anymore. The only vehicles in the parking lot were motorbikes. You sighed and started walking in the direction of the bus stop but the door opened behind you. You heard heavy footsteps and then the sound of lighting a cigarette. Turning around slightly, you spotted Benny following you.

“Just wanted to point out that proper girls don’t find Bonnie and Clyde romantic,” with a few big steps he was now walking next to you.

“It’s not the murdering aspect, gee, why do I have to explain it so many times?” You got irritated.

“I didn’t say anything ‘bout it. You said something about the freedom and the road. You ever been on the open road like that?” Benny asked and you already knew what he wanted to propose because he had been mentioning it many times before while flirting with you at the diner.

“Fine,” you rolled your eyes. “I need a ride home,” you admitted and bit on your lower lip. “And no, I’ve never been. On the open road, I mean,” you added, feeling your cheeks heating up.

Benny didn’t say anything, he only nodded before throwing his cigarette on the ground and walking away to jump on his motorbike. He started the engine and patiently waited for you to finally join him. Feeling the rush of adrenaline going through your body, you clumsily sat behind him and he made the engine roar like a lion – a very sexy sound, you had to admit – but he didn’t start driving. You realised he was giving you a signal to hold onto something before he would drive away. It was considerate of him, you had to admit. Other guys would just drive away and laugh at your squealing. But Benny wanted you to be safe and for the second time on that night you realised that he was making you feel safe. Safer than a proper guy like Marcus – for sure. And you just didn’t know what to do with this information.

You wrapped your arms around his waist, told him your address and that was when the engine roared again but this time he drove away.

And God, something broke inside of you that moment. It was as if your brain chemistry changed completely. The speed, the wind in your hair, the freedom – this odd feeling that he could take you anywhere like this and you would go with him… To the point that when you spotted him taking a turn that led to your street, you nearly felt disappointed that he wasn’t “kidnapping” you. Perhaps in this moment you understood your cousin even – why had it been so tempting to risk everything for a handsome bad boy.

Benny parked the motorbike in front of your house and you could already spot your mum standing by the window upstairs and looking out through the curtain. You chuckled at the realisation you would have to explain to her how your date with Marcus ended with a guy like Benny taking you home.

“Thanks,” you only said as you got off the bike, still clinging to his leather jacket to make sure you wouldn’t trip and fall. You were a little breathless after that ride.

“And? What do you think?” He asked as he raised an eyebrow.

“It was… Okay,” you grinned, not wanting to give him satisfaction.

“Why do you tease me so much?” Benny sighed.

He was done with playing for now. He just wanted to know the answer. Perhaps it would finally make him give up. Or perhaps it would educate him on the matter how to flirt with you better. Either way, he just wanted the truth.

“Why do you insist so much? I mean, I ain’t nothing special to chase me around for weeks,” you shrugged your arms. “And don’t get me wrong – or actually do get me wrong, the hell do I care? – but I don’t want to be just another number in your book, Benny,” you explained and Benny thought to himself that he wished you could see yourself through his eyes.

“You’re a whole book, kitty,” he winked at you and you couldn’t help but chuckle at that. Sometimes his flirting had this effect on you whether you liked it or not. “And I can’t wait to read it all,” he added, encouraged by your reaction.

“You can read?” You asked, teasingly.

“I’m full of surprises,” he smirked.

“That I see,” you laughed. “Um… I should go now… My ma’s watching us.”

“I can see,” Benny nodded and looked up at the window upstairs. He waved his hand and you grabbed him by his wrist to pull it down.

“Stop it!” You kept laughing at him and then you realised your face was only a few inches away from his as he was still sitting on his motorbike, ready to drive away any given moment.

A short moment of silence occurred between you two and you just kept staring into each other’s eyes as playful smiles disappeared from your faces. You swallowed thickly and fixed his jacket, not knowing what to do with your hands.

“You have a shift tomorrow?” He broke the silence.

“In the evening,” you nodded.

“So… See you?” Benny asked, unsurely.

“See you,” you smiled at him and he smiled back, relieved. “And hey, thanks for… For being there for me when I was with the… With the asshole,” you lowered your voice and took a step back to give him space now – finally.

“No need to thank me,” he shrugged his arms. “It’s just the thing I do, ain’t it?”

You furrowed your brows at those words.

“Protectin’ my girl,” he winked at you and the engine roared, making you take a few more steps back. And then he drove away – just like that.

Shaking your head and hugging your own self to feel warmer, you walked to the front door of your house, biting on your lip and not being able to help a chuckle.

Apparently, Benny had already decided that you were his girl. And, apparently – you enjoyed it.

MASTERLIST || BENNY MASTERLIST

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Frisky Friday thot?

You've caught the attention of not one gorgeous blonde, but two at one of Stark's parties. Each charming in their own way, they make room for you to sit between them and offer you a drink. One drink won't hurt.

Right?

Just a Drop

“You are such a buzzkill," Mandy snaps as she untangles the thin strap of her bag. "I'm tryna do something here and you keep whining that you're all alone--" 

You reel at your friend's harshness. She asked you to come. She even said she needed the moral support. After all, how could she go alone to one of Stark's infamous parties. She's so nervous, don't you know? 

"Sorry, but I don't know anyone but you--" 

"It's a party. Get out there," she retorts and pulls out her mirror compact. She checks her lips and flicks her lashes. "Now, if I keep Tony waiting, he's going to find someone else. So go. Plenty of people to mingle with." 

You sniff back your reticence and the sting of her tone. You nod and she spins on her heel and stomps back through the door. You contemplate leaving. Would she notice? Well, if she realises you ditched her, you would have zero friend in the city. 

You look down at yourself. You even let her dress you. The sweater is blush pink with sequins on it, but she was frustrated that it was so baggy. She paired it with a skirt even though it’s cold. She couldn’t lend you any of her clothes because they wouldn’t fit. The one thing she did give you from your wardrobe were the shoes. Heeled booties that make you teeter. 

You make yourself go back into the room. The voices hit you like a sonic wave. Everyone is so cheery and excited to see each other. It’s crowded and chaotic and you have no place there. It’s no different than you’ve felt your whole time in the city. Lost and alone. 

You set to wandering around. You’ll pace away the time until Mandy releases you from this purgatory. You shrink away from the woman you know to be Natasha Romanov. You tried to say hi but she looked at you as if she would swat you away like a gnat. Then there’s the men she’s with; they’re hulking, mean looking figures. 

You fold your arms and try to will yourself into invisibility. Certainly, given a number of your company, that can’t be entirely impossible. You pass behind the couch and something knocks against your elbow as you walk along the leather. 

You recoil and turn to rub your elbow as you watch the man touch his blond hair. Oh no. As he leaned back, you must have bopped him. You cradle your arm and cringe. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” you say as his blue eyes find you. It’s Thor. The god of thunder. He was one that Mandy was sure to point out; a backup plan, she proclaimed. “I didn’t see you.’ 

“Not to worry, lady. My own fault. I was being rowdy and did not think before I threw myself back,” he drops his hands. “I should be honoured to be battered by a woman so enchanting.” 

You blink. You’re not sure if he’s mocking you. Sometimes Mandy’s compliments turn out not to be. The man beside him glances back too. Oh, Steve Rogers. 

“Hey, you seem lonely,” he says, “who’d you come with?” 

“Oh, uh,” you look around. You don’t see Mandy. “A friend.” 

“A friend?” He echoes. 

“Yeah, but I don’t know where they went...” you trail off. 

“How improper of us, Rogers,” Thor reaches over to muss Steve’s hair before he stands. He turns and faces you over the couch, “my lady, I present to you Steve Rogers of Brookland.” 

“Brooklyn--” Steve corrects. 

“And it is I, Prince Thor of Asgard,” he touches his own chest as he booms, “would you do us the honour of joining us for a drink?” 

“Oh, a drink?” You squeak in surprise. “I hate to impose--” 

“Impose? We could use the company,” he assures you and waves you around. “Rogers, make room, you lump.” 

“Lump?” Steve mutters, though there’s a lilt of humour in his voice. 

You hesitate, swaying, then come around the long leather sofa. You don’t want to be rude. Especially to them. And it’s exactly what Mandy told you to do; mingle. 

Steve stands as you approach and gestures you down to the cushion between them. Thor remains on his feet as the other man sits with you. You peek over at the captain then up at the prince. 

“I’ll fetch us a round,” Thor declares. “I shall be fleet.” 

He turns and struts off. You stare after him and twiddle your fingers nervously. Your eyes skitter around. What do you say? 

“Not a big fan myself but Tony loves these things,” Steve says.  

“Oh, yeah, I’ve never... I don’t go to many parties.” 

“Well, you’re not missing out on much. I always end up dragging out the punchiest moron in the room. Unfortunately, that’s often my buddy.” He points and you follow it to the dark-haired man with Natasha; Bucky Barnes. 

“Oh, right,” you murmur. “That’s... too bad.” 

“He doesn’t even have a good excuse. They don’t serve anything he can get drunk on,” he snorts. 

Thor returns, giving you a start. He sets down three glasses on the low glass table across from you. “My lady,” he says and turns to sit, his weight shifting the couch. “The bar man says it is something fizzy. I can’t be certain,” he explains. “Rogers,” he turns to look at his cohort, “I’ve brought some of my home brew...” 

“Of course you did,” Steve scoffs. 

Thor reaches under his jacket and slips out a small flask. It’s gold and round, with elaborate patterning in it. He twists the cap and you feel a tug on your sweater.  

“I like this, it’s pretty,” Steve says. 

“Oh, uh, thanks.” 

“Yes, very becoming,” Thor adds as he pours into one glass, “and for you, Rogers.” He trickles more into another.  

You turn and look at the clear, bubbly drinks. Thor tucks away the flask and grabs two. He hands one to you. Rogers reaches for the third. 

“Thank you,” you accept the cold glass. 

“Skol,” Thor raises his glass. 

“Cheers,” Steve mirrors him. 

You look between them, feeling smaller as you feel their body heat brewing. You just lift your glass higher to let them clink it. You follow their lead, drinking when they do, though you nearly cough it back up. 

“Oh, bubbly,” you cover your mouth. Strong, you think. You don’t have the highest tolerance. 

“How long have you been in New York?” Steve asks, catching you off guard.  

“Oh, just about...” you tally in your head, “one year now.” 

“Wow, newbie,” he comments. You take another drink, just for something to do. 

“As am I,” Thor adds. “I do miss home but I like your planet too.” 

You nod and sip again. 

“Have you been to this place, Central Park?” Thor asks. “I was lost for a whole day.” 

“Imagine that, a whole god, lost,” Steve laughs. 

“Eh, I was off duty,” Thor argues. 

They banter back and forth and you’re all too happy to fade into the leather. You slurp tentatively. Mandy is still elusive. You suppose she managed to snare her game but what about you? 

As your eyes flit around the room, it seems to rock. You lurch forward in a sudden bout of dizziness and lean forward to put the glass down. You miss the table but the glass is caught from underneath. Thor takes it and puts it on the table. The ice hits the glass. You drank it all without realising. 

“Thirsty,” he remarks as you slouch forward. He pushes you back and Steve help eases you against the cushion, “are you feeling it?” 

“How much did you put in hers?” Steve hisses. 

“Just a drop,” Thor assures, “never worry, Rogers, I know as I am doing.” He pets your forehead as your head falls back under its own weight. You blink at the ceiling as your body slackens. “My lady, never fret. We are heroes, we will take good care of you.” 

[naviiq]

5#-> 💌: a letter has arrived from satoru gojo.

dear y/n.

heyy cutie.. i hope you like the gifts i got you. i know this isn’t the easiest way to communicate, but it's the only way right now. things have gotten.. complicated. i don't have much time to spare.

i’m writing this quickly and short, because things are moving fast, and i need to make sure you understand what’s going on. things are about to get messy, i know it, so i’m doing what i can to keep it all from falling apart.

the whole thing with the transport barrier and the crowd of civilians, none of that was going to be easy. but i didn’t.. fully expect this. i mean.. i did, but you know what i mean. i didn’t expect the king of cursed spirits to come together like this, or for the sheer fucking chaos that would unfold once sukuna was set loose.

and if anyone is going to deal with him, it’s got to be me. it always had to be me.

i’m doing this because it’s necessary, because i need to, and if anyone is going to deal with him, it’s got to be me. it’ll always be me. you’ll understand when the time comes. hopefully the students will explain.

i know you’ve always believed in me, hell, i’ve built my whole persona around being the unbeatable, invincible sorcerer. but i’ve learned something over the years: no matter how strong you are, no matter how much you try to control everything around you, there are things that will always get away from you. and i’ve come to terms with the fact that sukuna isn’t someone i can just 'neutralize' in the usual way. this time, it’s different. this fight’s different. and if i’m being honest, part of me knew that from the very beginning.

i’m sorry for the things i never told you. i’m sorry for the times i acted like everything was a joke, like i was invincible and nothing could hurt me. i didn’t want you to see how often i was just faking it, pretending like i had all the answers. the truth is, there were moments where i was terrified. terrified of the responsibility, terrified of what would happen if i ever failed. so i did what i always do, i covered it with jokes, with ridiculous stunts, and by being 'the strongest.' it was easier that way, wasn’t it? easier for me, easier for everyone else.

but i guess that’s where i was wrong. you deserved more than that. you deserved to see all the versions of me. so, for all the times i let you down, for all the times i acted like i wasn’t just as scared and confused as anyone else.. i’m sorry. really, i am.

the truth is, i’ve never really had a plan for how to handle all this. the higher-ups wanted me to handle everything, like i was some kind of god who could solve all their problems. but i’ve always known the world’s broken, y/n. it’s always been broken. and now, it’s my turn to do something about it. even if i don’t come back from this, at least i’ll know i gave it everything i had.

sukuna isn’t just some 'big bad guy' for me to beat. he’s the only thing standing in the way of everything. i can’t just let him continue. i can’t let him tear down what little everyone managed to hold down together. and if that means putting myself on the line.. then so be it. it’s what i have to do.

i don’t expect you to understand fully, but i need you to know this: if something happens, if i don’t make it back, just know that i’m okay with it. this was always the risk. i’ve always known that. but i want you to keep going. i want you to keep fighting. you’ve got the strength to carry on. i wouldn’t have left if I didn’t believe that, you already know that baby.

so, if something happens to me, if i don’t come back, please, don’t let it break you. keep going. keep fighting. and don’t forget that i did what i know was the best choice. i don’t have regrets about the choices i made. i just regret that it had to end this way.

i don’t know how to say goodbye, and i don’t want to. but whenever this is it, i need you to know that i love you more than i ever thought i could, i didn't really think i could love anyone after suguru. you were my greatest love. and i’m sorry i never got to say that to your face one last time.

anyways, i’m rambling now. just know this.. if i don’t make it back, i’m grateful for every second we had, for everything. you’ve meant more to me than you know.

from, your glorious blue eyed king.

p.s. take care of yourself. keep your head up. and don’t forget baby, i was the strongest. and i hope your heart will be the strongest to stomach all this.

[chosotallgf]

DOUBLE IDENTITY #3 - TOJI FUSHIGURO

🔙 previous chapter

SYNOPSIS - y/n is a third year college student who is about to intern for the top business company in Japan in a week, what happens when she unknowingly cross paths with her future boss not knowing he's hiding a secret.

WARNINGS - mafiaboss toji x fém!reader, geto x fém! reader, alcohol, moderate au, sexual activity, criminal activity & behavior, naoya is his own warning, angst & fluff (not really lol) not proof read

As the night when on and more drinks were consumed, it was obvious how wasted you were than everyone else in the group. Slurring horrible jokes with Gojo and dancing like you were alone in your room. God how you wish you listen to utahime earlier and took it easy, that stupid bartender just wanted to run our pockets empty.

as you where dancing you felt someone behind you, scared it was a complète stranger but it was just geto “dancing all alone here?” he whispered in my ear. his hot alcohol breath sending shivers down my spine. Turning my head to look behind me I giggle “are you gonna be a gentleman and dance with me?” flashing my eyelashes up at him.

his tall present shadowing over me was already enough to make me feel things I didn’t want too. “I thought you wouldn’t ask” as soon as he said that I got right to it and started grinding on him. his hands griping my hips in a smooth manner following the music.

I’m feeling up against his crotch I can tell he’s starting to get hard “someone excited” i teased at his growing erection. “You find my little problem funny huh” geto slurred as he slowly started to move his hands down to my ass and slap it getting a gasp out of me.

Across the dance floor watching the whole interaction shoko shook her head her “those two together drunk is a bad idea they do reckless things than regret it” “don’t be a cock blocker” Gojo comes behind them with a tray of more drinks. “he hasn’t had anything action this whole semester” utahime whips her head around “and how would you know that” she questions.

“Because the dorm rooms are like paper thin so everyone I could know if he was, can’t say for myself tho” “pathetic, well I’m stopping it, it’s already 4am I’m tried and I’m not babysitting any longer.” Utahime march over to you and geto startling the both of you.

“omg utahime you scared me where have you been” you slurred out trying to hug her. “That’s enough for tonight let’s go say bye” talking to you like the a child who’s leaving a weekend sleepover. “Already? The fun was just getting started” geto winks at you and you blush. “Yes now come on before I leave you”

Even tho she would never you don’t take her words lightly. following her back to you guys area, you stop mid way realizing you had to pee so badly so you quietly sneak away. ‘Shit where is the bathroom around here’ finally seeing the sign you wobble over and as you came closer you in the hall there was a long line forming outside the women’s bathroom.

‘I’m gonna pissed my self if I don’t get to a toilet any sooner’ you whine. suddenly, an idea popped in your head to use the up stairs bathroom surely it was for VIP only in that area but you could work your way around it. Looking out to see who was securing the stairs to there surprisingly didn’t see anyone.

‘That’s odd they would always have a guy or two on stand by, oh well’. ducking going up the stairs so you wouldn’t get caught as you walk by slightly crack door, peeking you saw older business casual men no later than their 30s getting lap dances by strippers as cash was getting blown around.

‘So this what happens up here, I thought they only serve drinks?’. Moving on, reaching a dark lighten hall way, you finally found a bathroom with staff only on it. Not caring you enter the one person bathroom.

A/N - the few chapters it’s gonna get more interesting :)

[ironheartwriter]

WIP Wednesday

Happy Wednesday, friends. I know today is gonna be rough all around, but I'm hoping to spread some distractions all around. To my other American followers, I love you, please stay safe.

Pulled this from my 100 Follower Celebration, because I'm too braindead to do much else right now, an AU that I'm hoping to write this holiday season. Enjoy.

“Hey, have you met your new neighbor yet?” TK blinks from where he stands atop a step ladder, a string of lights in his hands. It was a particularly chill evening in Austin, and he had roped Nancy into helping him decorate his home. Well, until recently it had been their home, but she just had to decide to move out and leave him on his own. Not that he couldn’t fend for himself, or make the rent payment, but he did enjoy her company. “You mean the six-one slab of pure muscle that’s been moving boxes in all afternoon?” TK asks as he hangs the string lights on the Command hook he’d put up a few minutes earlier. “Haven’t met him yet, but I have seen him. And gods am I hoping he’s not straight.” “Well, I didn’t spot a ring on his finger,” Nancy hums as she continues to help TK run the Christmas lights along the ceiling. “That’s a good sign, right?” “All it means is that he’s not married, Nance,” TK sighs, shaking his head. “He could very well be taken. Someone who looks that good…? He moved into a two-bedroom unit, so it wouldn’t be unheard of for him to be sharing the space with someone.” “Well, you know what you gotta do, right?” Nancy asks, grinning up at TK, her dark eyes gleaming. TK has a feeling he was very much not going to like Nancy’s idea of what he had to do. “Ignore him and hope that my problem somehow solves itself?” “Good god, you’re hopeless,” Nancy groans, shaking her head, if nothing else, TK definitely knew which buttons to press to annoy his older sister figure. “You know, you could just go downstairs and introduce yourself to him. Maybe even, I don’t know, mention that you [redacted] and draw him in that way.” “Or I could introduce myself and risk making a complete fool out of myself when I just can’t stop staring at him,” TK scowls before turning his attention back to the string lights, “Fucking hell, how did these get so tangled?” “You’re deflecting.” “No, I’m ignoring, there’s a difference.”

No pressure tags: @emsprovisions, @sapphic--kiwi, @whatsintheboxmh, @heartstringsduet, @carlos-in-glasses

@chicgeekgirl89, @alrightbuckaroo, @corsage. @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut, @eclectic-sassycoweyes

@firstprince-history-huh, @honeybee-taskforce, @literateowl, @lightningboltreader, @mikibwrites

@nisbanisba, @nancys-braids, @paperstorm, @reyesstrand, @strandnreyes,

@tellmegoodbye, @welcometololaland, @carlossreaders, @lemonlyman-dotcom + open tag.

[bloatedandalone04]

In The Way I Need You | Part 2

Series Masterlist

➪in which you meet lilith and joey, as well as learn about clay’s heart condition, despite him not wanting you to find out and think he’s weak because of it.

PSA: strongly suggested to read the warnings before proceeding.

WC; 4.6k | Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine ♡

You couldn’t believe the hottest guy you had ever met had a kid, and he wanted you to meet said kid. Look after him, even.

Oh, God. That is so not professional. 

You had asked to meet up for an interview with this guy and you think he’s hot. Your potential, what, boss? You couldn’t think like that, no matter how damn near edible he is. 

Stop.

It was nearing six when you finally arrived at his house, and you were happy to discover that it wasn’t too far from the apartment you were renting until you found something more permanent. 

You were sweating a bit as you stepped out of the taxi you were somehow able to flag down. Clay looked like a businessman when you met him, so you knew he must have a decent paying job, but the building you were currently standing in front of was one that had to be the home of a billionaire. 

This was the address he had given you, right? 

You were doubting it a bit, but you weren’t able to turn back around and ask if this was the right place before the taxi pulled away and left you behind. 

Debating on whether or not you should call him, you push away your doubts and walk up the steps of the building and knock on the door. After waiting for a few beats with no indication that anyone was coming, you realize that your knocks wouldn’t have been heard by someone who wasn’t on the first floor. 

You look around a bit before your eyes land on a doorbell, and you wanted to smack yourself for being clueless before. You pressed it and only had to wait a couple of seconds before you saw a silhouette through the frosted glass and then the door opened. “Hey,” then there was that deep and all too attractive voice. 

“Hi,” you manage to say back as you take in his tall form. The light behind him casted various shadows and made the details of his face harder to make out, but that didn’t stop you from trying. Just from the entryway you could tell this house was nicer than any place you had ever lived, and you were beginning to feel the smallest bit overwhelmed. “So, this is where you live?”

Clay laughs and scratches the back of his neck. “Yeah,” he answers, dropping his hand again and moving to the side, gesturing for you to enter the house. “I hope you didn’t have a hard time finding it.”

His tone was teasing and you playfully rolled your eyes as you shrug off your cardigan. “I think the cab driver was about three seconds away from asking me to get out and find this place myself,” 

He laughed again as he took your cardigan from you and set it on a chair next to the entryway table. 

You took the time to look around the space and if this was how the front hall looked, you couldn’t even begin to imagine how the rest of the house looked. You were tempted to ask what he did for a living to be able to afford a place like this, but held off as he began to lead you up the stairs. “It’s good to see you again,” he says as he walks behind you. “Sorry to hear about the interview, I hope I didn’t make you late for it and that’s why it didn’t work out.”

Shrugging, you slide your hand up the railing as you near the top. “No, I was already late, and it was nice to talk to an actual person for a while rather than the middle aged woman who didn’t give me much of a chance to begin with,”

Clay laughed as he reached the top of the stairs as well. “Now I don’t feel so bad,”

“Don’t feel bad at all,” you wave him off as you take in the various family pictures that lined the wall. There was a photo of, who you could only assume was a young Clay, and beside that one was another of a kid. He looked like Clay, his eyes and hair color the exact same, but his features were mixed with someone else’s. Since he looked a lot like how Clay did at that age, you knew that had to be his son. “It gives me an excuse to meet the coolest kid in the city.”

Clay moves to stand next to you, his eyes fixated on the picture as well. 

“Is that him?” You ask, but you were pretty sure you already knew the answer. When Clay nodded with a small grin, you fought off one of your own. “He’s cute. Looks a lot like you.” You clearly were not good at getting a hold of yourself, and you quickly straightened up after you realized what you had said.

His face tints pink from your words and he clears his throat as he looks at another picture of two people; a man in a Santa suit and a woman smiling next to him. Clay’s eyes hardened a bit as he began to back away. “Yeah, he’s pretty cute,” he agreed and you were beginning to think you said something wrong. 

Then it hit you. 

Was Clay married? Engaged? Dating someone?

You hated how your mind immediately went to assuming he was single and that’s why he needed a sitter. You felt dumb and a bit embarrassed at how quickly you let yourself take interest in this guy, despite this being a literal interview for a possible job right now. 

No more. 

“So,” you say and put a bit of distance between you and him. “Where is this kid? I’m dying to meet him and see if he lives up to his reputation.”

Clay quickly lightens up at that and he nods towards a doorway. “He’s eating dinner,” 

You were then led into the dining room that was attached to the kitchen, and you had soon decided that this had to be the nicest house you had ever seen in your entire life. Even the houses you saw in movies didn’t live up to this place.

There was a dining room table and a kitchen table, how much more could you want? 

Upon entering the dining room, you were met with the adorable sight of a little kid messily eating spaghetti. “Hi,” you say cheerfully when the boy meets your eyes. “You must be the coolest kid in New York.” 

He smiles and drops his fork onto the plate when Clay enters the room as well, raising his short arms up towards his dad. “Say hi, buddy,” 

 “Hi,” he said back as Clay leaned down to kiss the top of his head. 

You smile and feel your heart pretty much soar at the cute sight of the father and son who looked so much alike it was almost scary. “Hi,” you say again and step closer. “Does the coolest guy ever have a name? Or should I guess?”

The kid laughed and mirrored his dads smile. “Guess,”

You purse your lips and move lean on the table next to his chair. “Hmm, Zack?” You ask and he shakes his head. You hum again and try not to pay attention to the way Clay smiled at how you interacted with his son. “Bryson?”

“No,” he shakes his head again and picks up his fork. “One more guess.”

“Uh oh,” Clay murmurs, giving you a teasing look. “Better make it count.”

You swallow a bit harshly before taking your eyes off him. “Aaron?”

He gives you a messy smile and shakes his head once again. “Nope. I’m Joey,” 

“Awh, no,” you sigh dramatically. “Wasn’t even close, was I?”

Joey laughs and gives a final head shake before looking past you and into the kitchen. 

You turn and see a woman standing there with a confused and guarded expression on her face. She looked a lot like both Clay and Joey, and you were beginning to believe that everyone in this family had good genes. 

You weren’t able to introduce yourself before Clay was moving to stand next to you. “Mother,” he greeted, making you glance up at him before smiling back down at Joey. “This is Y/n. She might be the sitter who looks after Joey when we’re at work.”

His mom straightens up at that, a brief look of shock crossing her face before she looks back at you. “Well, it’s nice to see my son take my advice for once,” she says in a calm voice. 

You smile and take a step towards her. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs..?”

“Beresford,” she answers, giving you a half smile back. “Lilith Beresford. How did you happen to meet Clay?”

She sounded a bit hostile, but you didn’t want to make her unimpressed, so you just pushed away your worries and glanced back at Clay with an apprehensive look. The encouraging and kind grin he gave you helped only a little. “We met the other day,” you begin. “Yeah, I was actually on my way to a job interview and I got pretty lost. Clay saw me and gave me the right directions.”

Lilith nods and glances between you and Clay. “And how did that interview go?” She asked and crossed her arms. 

Your smile falters a bit, not at all expecting her to ask that, and Clay didn’t expect it either. “Mother,” he laughed and it sounded a bit forced. “What does it matter how it went if she’s here now to potentially look after Joey?”

While you were glad he helped you out, you were beginning to feel a bit awkward, but then Joey gave you a crooked smile, and you realized that you actually wouldn’t mind babysitting him for a good portion of your day. “The interview went fine,” you answer her, meeting Clay’s eyes when he turns to look back at you. “But I realized pretty quickly that the job wasn’t for me. So that’s why I’m here. Your house is beautiful, Mrs. Beresford, and Joey seems like a really nice kid.”

Lilith’s face was a bit expressionless, and you thought you were about to be asked to leave, but she dropped her stiff stance and nodded. “He is quite the sweetheart,” she agrees and shares a look with Clay. It felt like they had their own wordless conversation with how intense their stares were, until she broke eye contact and looked back at you. “Like his dad.”

You nod and look down when you feel little fingers tug at your wrist. Joey had begun playing with your bracelet, his eyes flickering over each individual charm. “It’s pretty huh?” You ask and watch as he nods. 

“Y/n, was it?” Lilith asks, making you quickly look back at her and nod. “Has Clay shown you the rest of the house?”

Clay moves to stand behind Joey’s chair. “I was getting to it,” he answered for you. “Just wanted to introduce her to him first.”

“I’ll take over,” she offered and left no room for a debate as she extended her arm out and gestured for you to follow her. “You look young. May I ask how old you are?”

You look back at Clay and Joey briefly before you were being escorted down the hall and back towards the stairs. “I’m twenty,” 

“And you’ve graduated high school?” She asked as you and her walked past the family picture wall. 

“Yes, I graduated two years ago,” you felt like this was more of an integration rather than an interview, but you were enjoying the house tour nonetheless. “High nineties.” 

You weren’t sure why you wanted to impress her so badly, but here we are. You also weren’t sure why you thought telling her that you got good grades would help you get a babysitting job. She glances back at you as she stops at another archway. “And you know what to do in case of a medical emergency?” 

“I’ve got my CPR certificate and took basic health classes all throughout school,”

Lilith nods. “This is the living room, where you’ll likely spend most of your time with Joey if you do end up being his sitter,” she didn’t sound too encouraging, but you were far too distracted at how nice the living room is to actually get offended. “So, you’re new to the city?”

She led you over to the second staircase. “Yes,” you say quietly as you ascend the stairs up to the third floor. “I just moved here a couple weeks ago. I’m from Hudson.”

“Wow, that’s quite the change,” this time she actually did sound a bit surprised and maybe even a little impressed, and you took that as a good sign. “You’ll get used to Brooklyn soon. There’s just a lot more people, and a lot more places.”

She stopped outside a closed door and turned back to face you. “Thanks for believing in me,” you joked and she smiled. 

“This is Clay’s room, not that you’d ever be in there, unless you want to take on the task of cleaning it. My son can be a bit messy at times,” well now it felt like she was testing you. 

God, you hope you can give her the response she is looking for. “I don’t mind cleaning or cooking or things like that,” you say slowly. “I learned how to take care of myself at a young age, so I’m kind of skilled in the kitchen. Trust me, Joey will be eating well whenever I’m here. If you and Clay believe I’m a good fit for it.”

She hummed, leading you further down the hall. “I don’t see why you wouldn’t be,” she says. “Smart, nice, supposedly good at cooking. I think Joey would love to have you around.”

You smile at that as she opens a door just a few feet down the hall from Clay’s room. “Thank you, Mrs. Beresford. I think Joey and I would have a lot of fun together,”

“Me too,” she agrees. “This is his room.”

Joey’s room did not look like a kid’s room at all. It was neat and tidy, with books and stuffed animals scattered about on the bed and dresser. The previous babysitting gig you had, the mom wouldn’t know how to keep the house clean if you paid her, and she was the one paying you. “How old is he?” You asked as you observed the clean room, your eyes landing on a framed picture of Clay and Joey on the wall next to the bed. 

Clay looked a few years younger and Joey was just a baby, and it made you feel all warm inside as a deep blush took over your whole body. “He just turned four last month,” she answered.

“And what about his mom?”

Lilith turned to look at you, her eyes narrowing as she shut the door again. “She’s not in the picture and hasn’t been since Joey was only three months old,” was all she said as she walked further down the hall. 

Yeah, you definitely asked one question too many with that one. 

Still, you now felt bad at the fact that Joey hadn’t had a mother figure in his life at all. He seemed so sweet, who in their right mind would give that up? And that’s not even mentioning the fact that Clay was probably the nicest guy you had ever met, and he is a great dad from the few interactions you’ve seen between him and Joey.

While you wanted to know more, you bit your tongue and followed Lilith down the hall, not wanting to ruin the good thing you felt was brewing at the moment. 

-

While his mother was one of the best people in his life, Lilith Beresford can be very overbearing at times. 

Like right now. 

Clay was supposed to be the one giving you the tour and getting to know more about you, but the second Lilith had seen him with a girl, she swooped in and took her away. 

He wasn’t dumb, he knew what the look they shared before she whisked you away meant, and he knew she was just trying to look out for him, but it still didn’t change the fact that he had brought this upon himself, and he liked to think that he knew what he was doing. 

As he watched his mother haul you down the hall, he sighed and sat down next to his son. “What do you think, Joe?” He murmured, reaching over and pushing Joey’s sand-colored hair away from his forehead. “She seems nice, huh?”

Joey nods and pushes away his plate of nearly finished spaghetti. “She’s pretty,” 

Clay nodded before he could even realized that he was agreeing with his four year old kid about your looks. “She’s nice, though, bud,” he says as he grabs a napkin from off the center of the table and hands it to Joey. “Do you think you might like seeing her around here when me and grandma are away at work?” 

“We can color together,” Joey nods and wipes away the sauce from his face. 

“Yeah,” Clay laughs, taking the plate once Joey tossed the napkin on top of it. “You can.”

He reaches a hand out and helps Joey off the chair before heading towards the kitchen and setting the plate onto the counter next to the sink. “Can I watch a show?” Joey asks, hugging Clay’s leg as he gazes up at him.

“Sure, buddy,” he says as he turns the sink on and puts the plate in it. “I’ll come turn it on in a few minutes, okay?”

“Okay,”

Clay leans down and presses a noisy kiss to the top of his head before gently pushing him in the direction of the doorway. “Go wait in the living room. I’ll be in there soon,”

He watches as Joey runs on wobbly legs out of the kitchen, a small smile on his lips when he turns back around and begins to wash the dishes. 

He wonders what part of the house you and his mom are in now. Did she show you his room? God, he hoped not. It was a mess and he really didn’t want to come off a slob. 

The thought of him wanting to show you his room himself briefly flashed through his mind, but he quickly pushed it away.

As he drains the sink and sets the clean dishes aside, Clay finds himself liking the idea of having you around. He had only spoken to you a few times, but each conversation didn’t feel forced or awkward or uncomfortable. And he liked how sweet you are to his son, and how nice you are to his mom, despite her coming off as intimidating, even to him.

For the first time in a long time, he was thinking about someone else other than Sam. 

As he dried his hands off and left the kitchen, he could hear the two of you walking around upstairs when he made his way to the living room. He really hoped his mother was taking it easy on you, seeing as she still wasn’t over the way his ex had completely broken his heart and left him without a second thought. 

Lilith Beresford was more protective over his fragile heart than he is, and though that thought gave him comfort, he also knew it wasn’t fair to have her look out for him all the time. 

But he also knew she would never stop.

He passed the staircase and entered the living room, where he found Joey sitting patiently on the couch. Clay couldn’t deny, his kid is so damn cute, he was so tempted to quit his job and stay home with him everyday until he grew old enough to think that spending time with his dad is lame.

Clay turns the TV on before sitting next to Joey, taking him in his arms and smothering his face with kisses. At that exact moment, both you and his mother descend the stairs and enter the living room just in time to see Joey laugh and try to escape his dad’s arms. “Grandma!” He calls out and Lilith smiles as she walks over to them.

“Don’t look at me for help, Joseph,” she teased as she leaned down and kissed him all over his face as well. “I’m just as bad as your father.”

Joey squealed as both Clay and Lilith smothered him with kisses. “Y/n!” He called out instead, and the way he mispronounces your name has Clay pulling away with a laugh. 

  He looked over and saw you with a big smile on your face, your body leaning against the frame and your arms crossed. “Sorry, Joey,” you shrug. “I think you’re outnumbered here.”

It was likely he didn’t really understand what you meant, but Joey laughed anyway and crawled over to sit on Lilith’s lap. 

Clay moved to stand up, ruffling Joey’s hair as did so. “So?” He steps towards you. “Think you can handle the kid for a few hours a day?”

You purse your lips and he has to refrain from staring at them for too long. “I think I can manage,” you answer and match his grin as he closes the space between the two of you. “I should head home now, though.”

He nods and glances back at his mom and son. She gave him a look that had him quickly turning back around to you. “I’ll walk you out,” he offered and was about to leave the room when she called out to him.

“Clay, did you tell her about your-” she started but he quickly cut her off.

“No,” he answered and was about to tell her to drop it until she decided to let you know that he has a serious problem and is very slowly growing weaker by the day. 

“Clay has a heart condition,” she informed you. “His heart isn’t as strong as he believes it to be. If you are to be around him a lot, you should know that.”

Clay huffed and closed his eyes as he let the feeling of embarrassment take over him. “Mother,”

Now he really looked weak in front of you. He looked incapable of taking care of both himself and his son. 

“She needs to know, Clayton,” she insisted, smoothing out the mess he made of Joey’s hair before looking over his shoulder and at you. “It was nice meeting you, Y/n. I hope to see you again soon.”

“You too,” came your quiet reply, and when he finally looked over at you, your eyes were softer and held a hint of worry. 

It had him sighing as he began to guide you out of the room, murmuring, “Come on,”

With his hand placed gently on the middle of your back, he led you back down the stairs and only removed it in order to hand you your cardigan. 

You take it from him with a grateful smile as you make no move to leave. A silence falls over you, and it was surprisingly not as awkward as it should’ve been before you broke it. “Is it serious? Your heart condition?” You asked in a voice just above a whisper. “You don’t need to tell me, but it would be nice to know since I’ll be spending most of my nights with your kid.”

Clay’s eyes widened a bit at your words. “You still want to babysit him? Even after finding out his dad is sick and weak and an unfit parent?”

You shake your head quickly. “Having a heart condition doesn’t make you weak, Clay,” you reassure him in a whisper. “In fact, I think it makes you stronger. And as for the unfit parent thing, maybe give yourself a little credit here. Maybe it’s not my place to say this, but I think you’re doing a great job, and that kid is lucky to have you. Both of you.”

He had a hard time believing you were real. 

There was just no way.

He had never been insecure about his heart until he met Sam. She made sure he was aware of how inconvenient it was to have a husband who couldn’t please her in all the ways she wanted, simply because his heart couldn’t keep up with the rest of his body half the time. 

And that heart attack didn’t help his confidence, either. 

And, just like that, he had managed to think about his ex before the day ended. 

He needed to make it one day without thinking about her. How else will he ever move on? 

“Thanks,” he said quietly and moved close to you in order to be able to pull the door open. “And thanks for coming over. Joey seems to like you already.”

“Well, that’s good,” you laugh and shrug your cardigan on. “‘Cause I like him, too.”

Clay smiles and leans against the open door. “Are you available tomorrow? I know it’s really soon, but-”

“I’m available,” you cut him off with a shake of your head. “Text me the info?”

He nods and moves over a bit as you step towards the door. “Get home safe,”

You grin at him. “I will,” you hover near the door for a few seconds as if you were having an inner debate with yourself, but before he could try to get a read on what it was about, you were moving past him. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Clay, Or should I call you Mr. Beresford?”

“Please don’t,” he begged with a laugh. “Clay is fine.”

You nod and walk out onto the front steps. “Have a good night,”

“You too,” he says back and stays leaning against the door until you are safe and in the backseat of a cab. It was only then when he sent you off with a wave before closing the door and heading upstairs. He makes his way back into the living room and finds Joey half asleep on his mom, and his stare softens just a bit. “You shouldn’t have told her that.” He muttered as he walked over and picked Joey up. 

“She’s going to be here a lot, Clay,” Lilith waves off his annoyed huff and stands up. “She should know what to expect if something were to happen to you.”

With Joey pressed to his side, Clay shakes his head and turns around. “I’m fine, alright? I don’t want her worrying about both me and Joey,” he mumbled as he faced her again. “Say goodnight to grandma, bud.”

“Night, grandma,” Joey sleepily says and Lilith comes over to press a kiss to both his and Clay’s cheeks before leading the way upstairs. 

After getting Joey ready for bed and sitting with him until he fell asleep, Clay wandered into his room and sat down on his bed, his mind swirling with too many thoughts to count. 

He’s got a reliable sitter now, and a nice one at that, so that is one less thing he had to worry about. 

And now he’s thinking about you and your sweet smile and your kindness and your cute cardigan. 

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, quickly typing in a message and hitting send before he could change his mind. 

Thanks again for coming over, and for what you said at the door. Are you able to pick Joey up from school tomorrow? I’ll send you the address. Let me know you got home safe, too. 

And he wasn’t even able to strip out of his clothes and have a shower before you were texting him back. 

Potential Sitter: Of course, I’m excited to get to know the little guy. And as for what I said, I meant every word. Yes, I’ll pick him up, and yes, I got home safe. Thanks for thinking of me.

For the second time this week, Clay was ending his day by smiling at his phone screen.

[mengyan]

i had been made into an archer, the shadows suiting me best; you were a sun-bright girl forced into immortality, eternal servitude to chosen sacrifice for the people.

i think the first thing you taught me was absurdity. no one that knew me ever dared— through these years i’d become as much of a man as the rest, and it was rare for someone to think of wanting me. not that you did— did you? did you want me, wen xiao, or did you not think so much and just trusted that i would catch you?

sleep was always restless when it came. the heartbreak in a-heng’s new-blue eyes always marked the end of my dreams, because i was too afraid back then to turn around and see the rest of him. one month was enough to grow sick of my chambers, and i retired only when i could no longer keep my eyes open.

but then: a forest, a sea. fog cleared and the ink of you kissed my palm, calling me awake.

xiao, for daybreak, but if i allowed my tongue to loosen just the slightest— xiao, for you.

was it then that i became unable to see much else? was it then when i started seeking you first in every room, your voice in every pitch, your hands, arms, fingers touching mine— and me racing to reach you before you changed your mind? was it then that my heart wavered, and i thought, perhaps, that the dark wasn’t so lonely after all?

i never intended to keep you. i knew your eyes strayed elsewhere— i always noticed you first, but so did he, and him, and everyone that has ever met you. the fate of a goddess, maybe, to be beloved by all, to spill her love as floods to the people— but i knew you had long found your home in the soul of one. bloodbound by contract, kindred through heart and mind— how often i’d find myself rushing to stand before you only for him to already be there. 

the place by your side was never meant to be filled by me. but wen xiao, i’m no less absurd than you taught me to be. i would pray to a false god if it would make you safer; i would shoot even at the heavens if they tried to take you. flesh and blood is all i can offer you— is it too much to let me shield you with it?

later the worst of winter stole away your beloved, your closest friend, but kept me. still alive, rosy-cheeked and frostbitten on my knees in front of you, but the snow might as well have buried me too. live with me, die with them— and you picked up the dagger.

what does that mean, wen xiao? what am i supposed to do about what that means? you pulled me from the abyss, but am i not worthy enough to do the same for you?

the cold began to cling to me. one by one we lost the best and bravest of us, and i could do nothing to stop it. i thought myself useless, a drag, but you took my hand and said, so earnest, so warm, so thawing— i need you. you wouldn’t lie to me, but how badly i wish it were the truth.

it had been at least four fortnights since i’d ceased being afraid, since the fears in my heart stopped festering. they never disappeared, but i could stare at them head-on now, knowing that what a mortal lacks is only the difference of a body. you said that you thought of me as irreplaceable, and so i believed that’s what i was.

a fool’s tenacity is, perhaps, the strongest of all.

i woke to everyone but three gone, your tears pouring from the skies. he left to him white streaks in his hair, horseback roaming, world seeking; he left to you an age-old vow on paper, in jade, an impermanent parting, a once-more isolation.

and you left to me not even a farewell.

how is it that the demon hunting bureau is fuller than ever yet so grave with silence? how is that what i guard is no longer home to anyone that used to live in it?

i must be going mad, sometimes, to hear bells that no longer ring, bickering that never ends, idioms i’ll never be able to correct; to smell food i’ll never taste again, wine i’ll never get to drink, sulfur from cases unsolved; to see golden eyes, the rustle of notebook pages, the swoop of a brush— and feel the lilt of you, so willing for me to stay.

and so, absurdly, ridiculously, stupidly— i’m still here, wen xiao, and this is how i’ll remain. come and see me just once, and ask me what i asked you. three hundred years in a sundial: was it hard? the rest of my life with only your memory to keep me company— i’ll answer you the same.

don’t you want to know what my big-as-him secret is? i’ll give you a hint: if you see him in the rain, i see you in stone. just as pillars hold up these roofs, this city— the cliff i hung from was too-steep, yet you held me by the soles of my feet, dug yourself into my palms, and said look up, pei-jiejie. dawn has come.

the morning will always return after night. but wen xiao, when will you?

[idontplaytrack]

Rejanis angst? Breakup?

With “party favor” by Billie Eilish as like inspo? Idk lol

✧ Party favor

Janis ‘Imi’ike x Regina George

Warnings: angst, coarse language, some descriptions of smut, self-harm, implied eating disorders & some mentions

"It's not you, it's me and all that other bullshit You know that's bullshit, don't you, babe? I'm not your party favor."

"Oh, my God. I am sick of you being-"

"Oh, are you, now? You're sick of me? Is that what your attitude lately meant?"

"You're not letting me finish my sentences."

Regina responded through gritted teeth.

"Like what you want to say would be any better." Janis scoffed.

“As I was saying,” Regina continues, “I am sick of you being so paranoid! What the fuck, honestly.”

“What the fuck is right.” Janis lets out a dry chuckle, “What the fuck is my life right now? What the fuck kind of life have I been living?”

“I told you, you need to start taking care of yourself, otherwise—”

“What, Regina, what?” Janis snapped, “You’re gonna force feed me? Commit me? You’re the last person that should be telling me what to do. All those things already happened. You really—”

“I’m breaking up with you.”

“Fuck you.” Janis spat, “I was there for you in the hospital when they took you there against your will. I visited you when no one else did, all while trying to make it through college. And now you’re just going to do this? You know what? I hear you, just leave. We don’t have to see each other ever again, anywhere. Fucking leave! Why are you still standing there? You left me once, I’m very sure you’ll have no problem at all doing that again.”

“I told you, Alex was a one-night stand.” Regina sighs.

“No.” Janis answered, “No. I’ve had enough of pain from you, I am not setting myself up for a round three. I don’t want anything! To do with you ever again. I am who I am because of you! You don’t get to shove that excuse in my face when you cheated on me.”

“I was drunk!”

“So drunk you could forget your girlfriend of a whole year? So drunk that you forgot someone you saw at least twice a week? I travelled from here to Connecticut for you without fail. The least you could do is be honest with me.”

Regina trembled in shock seeing and hearing Janis screaming like that. But then a feeling of sadness, and anger and guilt all washed over her at once. But, the blonde turned and faced the front door, swallowing the painful lump in her throat. But she still doesn’t leave somehow. 

“Even after such a clear mistake, you still have to be right. I saw you that night in that bar in Queens. I know how you’re like when you’re drunk. You weren’t drunk that night — so don’t bother. I am not someone you can just use and toss. I am not someone you can call just because you need me but when I needed you, you couldn’t do the same for me. You always make up excuses! When have you been honest with me since the name-calling started? A leopard never changes its spots, Gina. I really should’ve known better, you are a motherfucking bitch that deserves nothing for everyone you’ve hurt and treated like collateral damage along the way. Go fuck yourself.” 

————

“You lit her backpack on fire?!” Mrs. ‘Imi’ike screamed at Janis. 

“She was making fun of me! She’s been making fun of me for months! So has the rest of the school, Mom!”

“So, someone calls you a name, you take a Bunsen burner and torched someone’s bag?”

“A name?” Janis scoffed, “She called me an obsessed lesbian. She outed me, she humiliated me. She made my life hell.”

“You should not have done that.” 

“Sandra.” Her dad interjected, “No. Janis wouldn’t have done something like that for no good reason.”

“We raised you better than this.”

“You raised me to stand up for myself. I’ve been nothing but tolerant of all sorts of nasty names and insults thrown in my face. I couldn’t take it anymore, I cannot face anyone in that school anymore. I’m done.”

“Ben, she committed a violent act.” Sandra turned to face her husband.

“Do you hear what she’s been saying, Sandra? Our daughter was bullied for months and we had no clue. We failed to protect her, we failed to help her. This isn’t her fault.”

~~~~~

She had the blade in her hand, her eyes closely looking at it, then her wrist. Her hand was shaking, she was terrified. But her fear of her ex-best friend overpowered the fear of her own actions. The metal slides across her tender skin, bright red droplets trickled out from the cut. Janis took a sharp inhale, chewing on her lower lip to keep from making any noise. In that moment, the noise in her head was silenced and replaced by white hot searing pain from the self-inflicted injury. It worked, she wasn’t thinking about the names, about the snickering, about Regina. But actual physical pain that she could control. 

~~~~~

“We can’t afford to homeschool you, Janis. We have to work.” Ben apologised.

“I know.” Janis fiddled with her thumbs as a force of habit.

“Go grab something to eat then we’ll be on your way to your therapy session.” Ben nudged.

“Okay.” Janis nodded, feeling somewhat defeated. She knew her parents were doing the best they could, but just maybe…her Mom was still just a little mad and would rather be at work than be at home with her. Well, her Dad’s been the only one taking her to and fro therapy and home— Janis had been kicked out of school for the remainder of the year. 

This incident strained the mother and daughter’s relationship but it was almost inevitable. That’s just how Sandra’s been like for as long as she could remember. She wasn’t too flexible. Or open-minded. 

Janis had been going to therapy for three weeks now. That meant six sessions. And she’s cried every time. It was liberating, helpful but also left her a little tired. And a little headache. So that annoyed her a bit but she felt somewhat better and was making progress. 

“Janis, I’ll see you Tuesday.” 

“See you, Joan.” Janis gave the older woman a tight-lipped smile as she chewed on her dry lips, leaving the dimly lit office. 

“Tuesday.” Joan reminded.

“I’ll be here.” Janis answered. 

Pushing the creaky metal door, Janis steps out onto the front steps of the building, the summer heat torching her skin. She squints to be able to see clearly, the sun overhead hurting her eyes. Janis then sees her Dad driving up to the pickup point in the family car. Janis swiftly skipped down the steps and got into the vehicle, wanting to escape the sweltering heat. 

“Hi, ladybug.” Ben smiled, “Do you wanna go for some froyo?”

“Maybe after the next session.” Janis smiled back apologetically, sniffling, “Today’s session really took it out of me. I kinda just want to go home and nap.”

“Yeah, of course.” He nodded in understanding as he began their drive home. 

They got home, Janis took a shower and took a nap. And while Sandra was at work, Ben took the time to make the family dinner tonight. He’d already taken the day off work to keep Janis company after all.

~~~~~

Ben dropped Janis and Damian off at the mall for a movie and a lunch at the food court. The pair hadn’t seen each other in awhile, since Janis had to get used to therapy and being medicated. Nearing the end of summer, everything started to calm down, gaining a new sense of normalcy. 

Just like always, Damian cracked her up. Made her laugh until her stomach hurt. Something she’d missed so much since what happened with Regina. 

“So no homeschool?”

“One of them has to work at least. Dad’s job pays more so my mom wants him to keep at it but my mom’s…my mom. She doesn’t think mental health is a thing. So even though I have the therapist’s memos and shit, she doesn’t want to accept it.” 

“It’ll be okay. I’ll catch you up, the school will know too. I’ll make sure they do.” Damian assured. 

“Thanks, Damian.”  Janis genuinely smiled as she held her milkshake straw between two fingers and gave it a stir.

“Hey, I got your back, okay. You know that. Everyday, since two thousand and nine.”

~~~~~

Janis was doing so well, she really, really was. Until she wasn’t. Two weeks before the new school year started, Janis ran into Regina and Karen at a bookstore. A bookstore out of all places. The blonde sneered at Janis, all while her dad was barely five feet away. The guy definitely saw it and shot the duo a warning glare. The tall blonde only scoffed and smirked, tossed her hair then continued browsing. But not before she purposely walked closer to Janis to try and shove her out of the way. Even an idiot could see that there was a huge space between them at first. “That is enough. What you did to my daughter is unacceptable.”

“Aw, look. Daddy’s little girl needs her daddy to protect her, fight her battles for her.” Regina laughed.

“Let’s go, Daddy.” Janis tugged on his arm. He quickly took her and left without buying anything even though he’d promised Janis a new storybook for all the progress she’s made recently. 

“Ignore her, hm? How about a donut?” 

“No, thanks.” Janis declined.

“A smoothie?” Ben asked hopefully. 

She says no to that, too but they continued their way around the mall for awhile. Janis now knew better than to focus on what put her in a bad mood. “Daddy, maybe we could get some dinner before we go home.” Janis suggested, “Mom’s not in town anyway.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Ben smiled, relieved, “What do you feel like having for dinner?” 

The father and daughter wound up at the food court, enjoying their orange chicken and fried rice then a blizzard each from Dairy Queen to wash it down. By the time they were on their drive home, Janis had forgotten entirely what upset her.

~~~~~

“Why do you think she kissed you?”

“Don’t know, to get a reaction out of Kyle? And me?”

“Alright, but why?” Joan prompted.

“She’s crazy, I don’t know, Joan. I don’t know why my best friend of six years one day decided to pull this stunt and not be the person I knew anymore.”

“How did Kyle react?”

“He— he cheered. He was happy to see us kiss. It was disgusting, he told us to kiss again. Regina almost leaned in for another, I pushed her away and ran out of her house. Gretchen came out to the curb to check on me but I wasn’t having it— she and Regina had gotten close those last few weeks. Regina had not been talking to me as much at that point but this sleepover was a weekly thing and she wanted me there as usual so I went then it happened and changed everything. I knew Gretchen really was worried about me, that’s never changed about her. She’s always been nice.”

“How did you feel when you kissed her?”

“Um—” Janis stopped bouncing her leg, “I…I liked it. Because— I actually, I caught feelings for her over time. But I never told her, I never had the chance to.”

“And how’d that make you feel?”

“Heartbroken. Angry. Like I want to strangle her for saying that I only let her kiss me because I was obsessed with her.” Janis answered, “I really cared about her, I cherished her. I didn’t want to tell her until I was sure she felt the same way. Or maybe I was never going to say anything because I was too scared it would change things between the two of us. Joan…I felt safe with her, then my whole world as I knew it got…wrecked in the matter of minutes.”

“Janis, what do you think caused her to change?”

“She got a boyfriend, I don’t know. Regina George only cares about herself now. Everyone else is like dirt on the ground to her. She saw me at the bookstore and shoved past me even though there was tons of space.”

“It might be deeper than that.”

“How so?”

“Based on what you’ve been telling me, and given how much time you’ve spent together with Regina, she’s never met Kyle before that sleepover and declared him to be her boyfriend.”

“Yeah, well Kyle’s a new kid— oh.”

“I think, she might’ve done what she did because she was trying to avoid admitting to herself that she acknowledged a change in herself when you came out to her.”

“A change…?”

“The feelings, that you had for her. Could be mutual. She just isn’t ready to come to terms with it.” Joan revealed, “I see this quite a bit even just in a week. But, be that as it may, her outing you and publicly humiliating you was not the way to go.”

“Yeah no shit.” Janis chewed the inside of her cheek.

“Janis, what do you do in your free time?”

“You mean everyday? I got kicked out because I finally retaliated, remember?” Janis laughs. 

“Well, I remember. But I was just thinking maybe picking up a new hobby or two that you can focus on, that you really enjoy and immerse yourself in.”

“Well, I like art so I’ve been sketching and painting a whole lot more over the summer since I naturally have a lot of free time on my hands.”

“Good.” Joan nodded, “Make use of art, channel your emotions into your pieces. I could help you work through some of it without you actively realising. I know the sessions sometimes take a lot out of you, you feel a lot in the 45 minutes. Very intensely. Art could let you have an outlet to release those emotions and thoughts. On top of the methods we’ve began to discuss, that is.”

Janis gave the lady a solemn nod, “I will. I’ll stick to it. Um, running into Regina that day upset me. I wish I hadn’t seen her because I was doing so well.”

“The thing about healing and recovery is that it takes time. And it’s never really linear all the time. These encounters are bumps in the road, little dips in the chart.” Joan explained, “How you respond and move forward from them is what matters. And what tells you where you are in your progress.”

“Me and my dad, we left the bookstore and we carried on walking around the mall. He offered to buy me a donut, a smoothie— declined. Didn’t feel like it because in that moment I just lost my appetite.” Janis began, “But then we just kept walking and window shopping, and the…encounter was tossed to the back of my mind, I could pretty quickly focus on what was in front of me instead of what’s already happened.”

“See? That’s great, that’s progress. Improvement. It will take time, but with the effort you’ve been putting in, you’ve got it.”

~~~~~

“What?” Damian glares at the blonde. “What the hell did you just say to me?”

“I said you were stupid. Stupid for believing her. She’s clearly doing all of this for attention.”

“I think you are. You put on that damn show asking if you could kiss her. You are one messed up person.”

Regina raised her brows, the smirk never leaving her face. “What am I doing, Damian? Straight A’s, I look put together, great friends. Meanwhile she looks like she just rolled out of bed and came to school.”“You? Straight A’s. Don’t go lying to yourself, Regina. That’s very stupid of you. Keep her name out of your mouth while you’re at it. You’ve decided to let her go, so do that. Otherwise, you’re like, the one obsessed with her or something.”

Janis’ hatred for the girl only grew with each passing day. The sight of her made her sick, and also made her want to punch the wall. But she wasn’t going to damage school property and let herself be the one getting into trouble. Not again. Regina George wasn’t worth it. Damian was right— she’d decided to let her go, so Janis should be treating Regina as if she didn’t exist. As if she was invisible. 

~~~~~

“I made a mistake.” Janis revealed as she sunk into the armchair, “I was six weeks clean. Six weeks. But last night I spiralled and it happened again”

“We talked about this, picking yourself back up and moving forward is the way to go. Take care of it, get it cleaned and bandaged because we don’t want infections. But you recognise this action, you know not to dwell on it. You have the ways— other ways to help you work through the urge.”

“I wasted my effort. This was the longest I’ve ever gone without doing that.”

“No, no effort was wasted.” Joan disagreed, “Janis, would you have talked to me about this if it was even just a month ago? Would you have successfully calmed yourself down and called me to tell me you needed to see me sooner?” 

“No?”

“Precisely.” Joan continued, “That, you making that call to me, to tell me what you needed was a result of your effort, you know what’s good for you, what can help you after a mistake, after a little slip on your journey. Remember that, be proud of that, the little wins. One by one, they’ll add up and become a major change in your life. A good change.”

~~~~~

“Move your fat ass out of the way, ‘Imi’ike.” Regina snarled.

Janis stiffens, scurrying out of the way, her back pressed up against the lockers as she stared at the ground when Regina and her posse walked by.  

Again, there was plenty of space around them. Janis just got startled, and reacted. She’d already had a rough morning hearing her parents get into it, fighting about her. “Either you eat faster and go on your way to school, or don’t eat at all.” Her mom bellowed irritatedly. Janis jumped, scared. Sighing, she scraped her plate and left it in the sink then promptly left the house. Her Dad caught up and drove her to school. “Get breakfast when you arrive in school, okay? It’s still early.”

“Okay, Daddy.”

The rest of the ride was silent with the exception of the radio playing in the background. It wasn’t a long ride, anyway.

“I’ll see you right here after school, okay, ladybug?” Ben pulls up in front of the school.

Janis nodded, he kisses her on the head and gave her a hug from the side.

“I love you, have a good day.”

“Love you.” Janis forced a smile before she got out of the car.

A tap on her shoulder pulls her back into the present. “Jesus, Damian! You scared me.”

“You told me to look for you at your locker after school. What were you expecting?” He teased.

“Nothing, I just got scared that’s all.” 

“Well, I’m sorry.” Damian apologises, putting an arm across her shoulders, “Let’s go get burgers.”

Janis gulped, Regina's comment rang through her ears again: “Move your fat ass out of the way, ‘Imi’ike.”

She shook her head as though to get rid of that voice, then continued making her way out of the school building with Damian. They walked to their usual after school spot — their favourite fast food restaurant to enjoy their favourite burgers and fries.

Janis was starving, the school lunch sucked so she was glad to be able to get her favourite food here. But after awhile, the annoying voice came back. “Woah! May be  time for you to get a bigger sized shirt, Jan. That is not a cute look.”

“Kalua pork and rice again? You oughta cut down on that meat intake. You’ve really let yourself go these days.” The blonde sighs. 

“Look at me.” Damian snapped his fingers in front of her face to get her attention.

“What?”

“I know this look.” Damian admits, “She said shit to you, didn’t she?” 

“Since when does she not, Damian?” Janis dropped a fry back onto her plate. 

“She’s a bitch. She ain’t worth any of your time. Focus on yourself.”

“I may be focusing on myself too much.”

Damian quirked a brow, seemingly having figured out what Janis meant. “No fucking way.” 

“Oh she did. First thing she says to me every day now ever since you know — my body changed.”

“She called you obsessed? Who’s the obsessed one now? She’s always thinking of you, my friend.” 

Janis guffaws, “No thank you.” 

~~~~~

Tossing her clothes into the hamper, Janis grabs her towel and a fresh change of clothes then walked to her bathroom. Out of nowhere, the mirror caught her eye and she stopped in front of it. She looked at the reflection of her new body that she was still trying so hard to get used to. Puberty sucked— why’d her body have to change? Her hand glided down her side, stopping right by her hip. Her fingers pinched the flesh, her eyes traced her own features. Squinting, as if to look closely, as if to commit how they looked in to her memory. 

When did she get this extra flab?

When did her thighs start getting so close together?

When she seem this short? Why was she still so short? 

Janis groans, rolling her head and shoulders to relax the tension. “God, I’m fat.”

~~~~~

February, Valentine’s Day was in a week. Kids around her were all buzzing with excitement, talking about their mushy gushy plans. Janis shuddered at the thought. 

Pulling her sleeve down as she walked to her locker, “Oh, wow. Daddy’s sweater?” 

“Yeah, so? Mind your business.” 

“Smart choice, really covers up your problem areas.” 

Janis got her chemistry textbook out of her locker, shut the door and swiftly left the area. 

After school that day, Damian went to therapy with Janis. He waited outside, of course. 

“Hi, Janis.” 

“Hi, Joan.” Janis put her bag down and sat in the armchair, like always. “So…Regina really, really pissed me off today. I don’t know why— it wasn’t even that bad of a remark compared to what she usually says.” 

“What did she say?”

“She made fun of me for wearing my Dad’s sweater. Said it was a smart choice because it covered up my problem areas. She’s been calling me fat for weeks— directly, or indirectly.”

“And how have you been doing with that?”

“Oh.” Janis laughs, “Art pieces have been piling up.”

~~~~~

“Janis.” Sandra narrows her eyes at her daughter, “Eat the food, don’t just push it around on your plate.”

“I already did.”

“Finish it, you just told me the school lunch tasted horrible. It’s dinner time now.”

“I’m full.”

“You’re wasting my food.” Sandra continued, clearly unhappy. 

Ben looked between them both, concerned. For different reasons. 

“I said I’m full.” Janis inhaled sharply, gripping the metal fork tightly. Then she drops it, it hits the plate noisily. Janis got up and ran up to her room. 

“Janis!” Her mother shrieked, “You better stop that and get back down here. Finish your dinner.”

Janis stopped on a step, hesitating. But, she continued stomping upstairs despite that. “She’s crazy. How is she full?”

“Sandra, you can’t just say these things. You know that.”

“And she knows better than to take that plate for herself if she isn’t going to finish it.”

Ben sighs,”That’s it. I’ve had enough.”

“Well, good.” Sandra smiled.

“Of you. I’ve had enough of you.” Ben clarified, “You are no good. You don’t see how hard she’s trying to get better. You don’t hear how loud she was struggling. I’m doing my job as her parent and helping her. You are just here, day in and day out with useless, and harmful comments that you think you can just say and think she doesn’t hear you. Guess what? She hears you, she takes your words to heart because you are her mother. What you say to her means more than you know. You either stop this damn behaviour or I’m taking Janis and we’re moving.”

Sandra arched a brow looking at him, “Okay. Move out.” She retrieves an envelope from her bag on the couch, handing it to Ben. “Sign the papers, then you’re free to go with her.”

~~~~~

“Janis, you have to come see me tomorrow.”

“Rather not.”

“Why not?” Joan asked.

“Because, I’m tired.”

“And I want to talk to you about some things, it will help.”

“My parents got divorced.”

“I’m aware, Janis. You texted me about that.”

“Should I switch schools?”

“Of course you can.” Joan replies, “I’ve talked to your father about getting you into a different school as a possibility. He has left that choice up to you.”

“Joan, I know that. He told me that, but I’m— not sure.”

“Tell me more.”

“Well, having to start over is scary. And it’s my last year until high school, so it seems…not worth it?” 

“Is the thought of being in a brand new environment more tolerable, or the thought of being in the same space as your bully? It may be your last year, but every day should count. You should be living a life where you put yourself first.” 

“I know what to do. Thanks, Joan.”

~~~~~

“Stop laughing and go do your homework.”

“Already done, mom.”

Sandra;s nostrils flared, “I’ve had enough of your attitude, Janis. After everything we’ve done for you, you repay us by getting into trouble, becoming gay and wasting your Dad’s time and money sending you to therapy. Those are all just excuses, Janis.” 

“All those didn’t happen overnight.” Janis’ heart sank. She had tears quickly welling in her eyes. Why was her mother like this? Why doesn’t she love her?

Quietly slipping upstairs, Janis carefully shut and locked her door. Going up to her desk, she pulls out this stack of enveloped notes from her drawer and placed it on the desk. She sits on the edge of her bed, skilfully retrieving the blade she hasn’t seen in ages from her nightstand. She was crying,  she could feel the tears hitting her thighs, hitting her forearms. When she went ahead, it stung— at first. But she was used to this, so she repeated her actions, only wincing when her salty tears hit the sites. Over and over, deeper and deeper. Her grip goes weaker and weaker…her vision was blurred by her tears but she blinked them away and her vision comes back into focus. Janis sees the photo of her as a child, with her father at Pololū Valley…back home. In Kohala. How Janis wishes she could be home. Not here in this house. The blade falls from her grip, hitting the floor. Janis curses, beginning to feel lightheaded. Blinking profusely, she was suddenly aware of the excruciating pain and was doing everything in her power to not scream. 

Holding her phone with a shaky hand, Janis dials her dad’s number. He picks up in seconds, “Daddy, daddy I’m sorry. Please help me, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to.”

His blood ran cold hearing how broken she was. “Ipo, I’m calling 911 right now. Will you stay awake for daddy? Please, ladybug? Promise?”

Shit. Ben was only out of the house for awhile— he’d went to the bakery nearby to get Janis’ favourite cake as a reward for a 94% percent on a math quiz.

“I promise…but it hurts so much, Daddy.”

“I know, ladybug. I gotta hang up, but I’ll be right there with you, I promise.”

A second later, Ben had hung up on Janis to call 911. Janis didn’t stay awake for more than a minute. She’d passed out. Even the thud didn’t alarm Sandra. Not until she saw the paramedics drive up to the house.

~~~~~

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know—”

“You did. You were just too stuck in your own mindset and beliefs. We’re not married anymore. Just go, you’re free.” 

As apologetic as Sandra was now, as much as she’d cried. Ben knew not to give in anymore. Why should he? Janis almost successfully took her own life under her care. Because of her words. 

Janis looked away when she saw her mother turning her head to look at her. She hated her. Janis hated this woman. And she wasn’t sorry about it. Why should she? 

“Daddy, I wanna go home.”

“I know, I know. You can’t just yet.” Ben cups her face, brushing her tears away. “But I promise you, we will.”

Janis spent three days under constant supervision, then three months in the psych ward.  Her education had no doubt been put on pause, but that meant full, undivided focus on her recovery— anxiety, depression, self-harm and disordered eating. She really buckled down and put her heart and soul into getting better. For her own sake, she wanted to get out and do more. Go back to school, make new friends, spend time with Damian— she wanted to live life again. 

~~~~~

“Here’s the cake I owe you.” Ben smiled, letting go from the hug, “Welcome home.”

“Thank you, Daddy.”

“It’s nothing.”

Janis shook her head, “Thank you. For everything.” 

“It wasn’t all me, ladybug. You’ve done a whole lot of work for yourself to get to where you are now.”

“Can we go to the beach, please?” Janis smiled, sniffling. 

“And get shave ice?” Ben asks with a chuckle.

“Always.”

~~~~~

The Plastics were in O’ahu for their high school graduation trip. Janis didn’t know until Damian brought it up. This was the first time she’s heard that name or seen that face since she moved back to Kohala with her Dad following the divorce. Janis was turning 14, and they had to make do with living out of a room in a relative’s home for awhile, but Janis has never been happier. To be homeschooled, to be here, to be home. At peace, at last. 

“Well, when are you coming here, dude? I miss you.”

“Next week, Janis.” Damian says, “I’m a broke ass bitch, had to book my flight out for the date that’s the cheapest.”

“Alright.” Janis laughs heartily, “See you soon.”

“Lunch is ready, Janis.” Her aunt knocks on the patio door.

“I’ll be there in a second, ‘Anakē. Just have to finish up this part of the piece.”

“Okay, honey.” 

~~~~~

“Janis? Oh, my God. It’s you.” A familiar voice stops Janis in her tracks on the beach. She was curious, not tense, or worried, or anxious. She turns around, and comes face to face with Gretchen Wieners. 

“Hi, Gretchen.”

“I’m so glad to see you again.”  Gretchen walked closer, Janis smiled wider. And then, they hugged.  “I didn’t know you moved back here.”

“I didn’t tell anyone.” Janis chuckles, “How are you?”

“Our senior class is here for a graduation trip. Regina is nearby if you’d rather steer clear of her.” Gretchen said, then her voice trails off at the end. Janis squints, “Are you okay?” 

“Uh, yeah. Just— Regina is behind—”

“I am sorry.” Regina began once Janis turned around the other way to look her in the eye, “But I know it doesn’t cut it. I’ve hurt you. Everything you’ve been through started because of me. I don’t know what else I can say except apologise over and over and over hoping that you hear me. That you acknowledge it, you don’t have to forgive me. I deserve it. And more. Janis, you were the greatest loss of my life.”

This was the first time Janis had been calm in front of Regina. First time since they were friends. Damn, how long ago was that?

“I was a nasty person, in denial. But I…I’ve missed you every day that I’ve spent apart from you.”

~~~~~

Janis was certain she was dreaming, feeling the girl’s lips against her own, eager, tender, exciting, and filled with yearning. After six long years, they have both found themselves, and their way back to each other.  

“Are you sure you want to—”

Janis answered the question by connecting their lips.

One thing led to another quickly, becoming increasingly heated. Regina backs Janis onto the mattress, straddling her smoothly.  “I’ve missed you so fucking much. I can’t believe it took me this long to accept that I was gay.”“Just kiss me already.” Janis pulls her down.

Regina chuckles into the kiss, unbuttoning Janis’ shirt and reaching back to unclip her bra, freeing the girl’s breasts. As Regina kisses a trail along her jaw and down her neck, Janis’ head got thrown back as she swallowed a low noise.  

“Holy shit, that is a gorgeous tattoo.”

Janis chuckles lowly when she feels the blonde’s fingertips tracing the art, “Thanks.”

~~~~~

“Fuck— I— I love you.”  Regina panted, falling onto her back next to Janis. Janis laughs breathily, in disbelief of what she’d just heard. 

“Okay. Wow.” Janis turned her head to look at Regina.

“I do. And I have for years. I just couldn’t—”

Janis smiled, brushing the stray hairs out of the blonde’s face, cupping her cheek. A sleepy smile tugs at her lips. 

“Where are you going for college—”

“Can we talk about this tomorrow? When we’re more awake and alert?” Janis requested.

Regina hums, nodding, “Yeah, that’d be better.”

~~~~~

In the fall, Regina starts college at Yale, and Janis at NYU. The couple did long-distance but saw each other in person at least every other week. 

This new stage of their lives was going well. They were thriving, but by the summer, Janis notices Regina getting more and more withdrawn, and cold. Snarky, like her old self. 

Over a late night FaceTime call, Regina reveals that she’d relapsed. She was struggling with bulimia again after being three years in recovery. Despite all efforts, Regina deteriorated and had to be in the hospital. 

At first, Regina only took a leave of absence. But then she’d eventually withdrew her name from school. Janis did all she could to support her girlfriend, but it was so tough. She’d started to shut everyone out. 

They’d then decided to return to their regime of FaceTime calls— everyday. The distance allowed them to cool off. For Regina to focus on recovery, for Janis to focus on school. There wasn’t any more Janis could do at this point. She wasn’t a medical professional. 

~~~~~

After a full year in the recovery facility, Regina could finally go home. Home, as in Chicago. But June did something— she’d bought Regina an apartment in New York so she could be closer to Janis. So then, their relationship went on without another mention of Regina’s eating disorder. Like it’s never happened. 

They were healing, they were fulfilled, they were happy. 

Were they really happy? Or in denial of their past and choosing to forget instead of process them?

Janis knew she was the happiest she’s ever been. The most authentically herself.  But she’s had times where she found herself wondering if Regina was indeed happy to be with her.

Her gut was trying to tell her something.

————

After four years in the city that never sleeps, Janis was once again back where she was meant to be. Home. With her family. 

“New York was fun, huh, ladybug?”

“It was. It was…something special. Learnt a lot, about myself, about other people.”

“I know, honey.” Ben nodded in understanding, “Hey, maybe we should make it our thing, to go to the city every year? It’ll be fun.” 

“I’d like that.” Janis agreed.

“Did you manage to meet anyone special?” 

She laughs, “I have been talking to this girl in one of my lectures, but no, not dating yet.” 

“Ua ola loko i ke aloha.” Ben reminded. 

“Love gives life within.” Janis grins, “I know, Daddy. When the timing is right, what’s meant to happen will happen.” 

🏷️Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartandstuff @pda128

[beacarrot]

Yes, I think I'm doing it again. One day without you turned into a week, and soon it will become a month, but I refuse to let it stretch to a year, ten years… This text is another open letter to share my experience, especially the grief of losing Liam Payne.

I've been a One Direction fan since I was 14. I discovered the band because of Liam, who, back in his “fetus era,” looked like an Australian actor I had a crush on. One day, while browsing the internet, I came across the name “One Direction.” Honestly, I didn’t feel anything phenomenal in that moment; I had no idea how much that name would change my life and my youth as a whole. I didn’t imagine the hours of research, the nearly one hundred songs memorized, the posters, the fan theories I still hope are true, the Pinterest boards full of images, the photo edits of myself with the boys just to get a taste of what it might be like to be near those five special guys. Fanfiction, imagines… the list goes on.

In the beginning, I even mocked their songs, calling them cliché. A few months later, I knew all the lyrics AND the dance from “Best Song Ever" video clip. Life has a way of transforming our paths when we least expect it, when we’re lost enough for any path to seem fine. But life is generous and shows us the "right direction."

The truth is, it was October 16, 2024. I was coming home from school, crying, and, strangely enough, I had no idea that Liam had passed. I’d been introspective in recent days, reflecting on my last months at school and my amazing friends in class. I’d been listening to One Direction more than usual, and that very day I’d listened to “Stand Up”! I got home and was getting ready to go out again; it was almost 7 p.m.

I remember precisely: my mom looked at me with that expression she used to soften bad news, but it didn’t hide her own anxiety. She said, “I want you to hear this from me, but it’s not someone in the family.” I widened my eyes, jeans halfway on. I felt calm; if it wasn’t family, it wouldn’t hurt that much. But then she said it was something about the band and that one of them had fallen from a hotel balcony and was in bad shape.

My heart skipped one, two, maybe five beats. I don’t remember my tone of voice, but I know it was loud, trying to make my mom remember who it was. When she said “Liam,” I still thought, “Well, he just got hurt, but he’s alive, right?”

“Is he okay?” I asked, near panic. Truly, I wasn’t considering the possibility that he could have passed. But my mom’s words echoed: “No… unfortunately, he’s living with God know.”

My world stopped. I wasn’t even fully dressed, and I started shouting Liam’s name over and over, as if trying to confirm the reality, as if pleading for an answer from the heavens. I looked at the photo beside my bed, which I’ll include in this post, and messaged my friends who were also fans. I cried uncontrollably. I smoked so much in those days that I literally got sick, with a sore throat. Only my mom, my friends from youth group, and school saw my true state. Edu, thank you for putting up with my grotesque sobs on your shoulder. I adore you, friend!

The first night was a nightmare, a heavy and negative energy settled in, but I was clinging to the hope that with sunrise, something might change. But it didn’t. The sun rose, and I relived everything in my head, going over the story, just wishing it was truly a nightmare. I think no one has the right to talk about someone else’s pain. Grief is an individual experience, full of complicated nuances.

I’ve been alternating between suffering, crying to the point of dehydration, listening to the songs while every line hurts. There’s the denial phase, when it feels like it didn’t happen; that Liam is out there somewhere, and we’re still in 2012. Then, the reality drops like a piano falling. And there’s anger: “Is this real? He was so young!” And finally, moments of acceptance, when I smile at the memories and look at the photos, though I’m not completely there yet. Grief isn’t a straight line; you repeat and get lost in these stages, and no one should blame themselves for that.

People have lost the capacity for empathy and humanity. It doesn’t matter if Liam didn’t know me; I knew him. Not personally, of course—he had layers, and that’s one reason we couldn’t imagine how he was self-destructing. But he was a singer with an amazing stage presence, always sweet and attentive with the fans, a real warrior in his personal life, and he certainly made his share of mistakes. He lost his way on the crazy road of life, fame, money, media, relationships, addiction; it drained the hope from that 16-year-old boy who didn’t give up on "The X Factor". Liam is a legend.

There are days I can laugh, listening to the songs and remembering their silly dances, like when I watched “This Is Us” two days after his death. I thought I’d cry, but those boys never make me cry; they only make me smile. What makes me cry are the circumstances surrounding 1D. On other nights, I cry knowing there was nothing I could do. The closest I ever got to him was in a dream once, where the boys were having a party at my house. Liam was sitting in the corner of my room, the same spot where I was when I found out he’d passed. I walked over, asked him about Louis and Zayn, and hugged him. It was a sweet, protective hug. That’s my comfort: imagining his face painted in the beautiful blue sky, knowing he was lost and needed rest. I’ll continue with my contradictory life, and when things get hard and tough here on Earth, I’ll smile because he'll be far away and safe, no longer needing to deal with it all.

I’m still hesitant about watching his funeral online. Since finding out, I’ve stepped back from social media. It cleanses my soul to know I didn’t contribute to the hate, negative energy, dirty jokes, or nasty comments thrown his way, in real life or online. I learned from Liam; I let myself be touched by his essence, loving him completely, and I learned to see the world through the lens of songs and art. Words won’t be enough, Liam. This is not a defective goodbye. I still need you, and even if I can’t see you with my eyes, you’ll live forever.

I can't post something that is not just about it, but I will just continue posting some things because they were already ready before I knew about his death.

Gratitude and strength to all!

I don't like to put black pictures blank in these moments because I don't think it's right black and white because Liam brought and still bring so much color to us.

We love you Liam, our eternal red.❤️

[8myass]

.. egotistical .. pairing. jeong yoonoh/jaehyun x female reader genre. angst, smut (w some plot) pov. second person (you, yours, yourself, etc.) (‘y/n’ usage) synopsis. you were too cocky, so jaehyun decided to put an end to that superiority complex you seemed to illude. wc. 2.3k cw. yandere!jaehyun, brat taming dom!jaehyun, bratty sub!reader tw. cursing, name calling (‘bitch’, ‘idiot’, ‘trash’, ‘lowlife’, ‘whore’, ‘slut’), mentions stabbing, reader is such a bad person ngl, degradation (smutty terms and not so smutty terms), manhandling, slight strength kink, blood, pet names (‘honey’, ‘baby’), slapping, fingering, unprotected sex (wrap your meat fellas), dirty talk (js jae tbh), dacryphilia, nipple play, daddy kink, sucking on fingers, dumbification, breeding, biting, hickeys a/n. fifth work for jae’s birthday! omg i literally couldn’t stand writing the mc, but i love this and i think it turned out PHENOMENAL 🥳

You scoffed, rolling your eyes in the most condescending way possible, “Really? Were you dropped on the head as a baby? Are you really so stupid as to think I’d be able to fall in love with someone like… Well, like you?”

God, you made his blood BOIL. You were such a fucking bitch, he just wanted to smack you, smack some damn sense into your smartass. You were so conceited, it irked every bone in his body. This wouldn’t be the first time you’d said something like that to him, it wasn’t much different from anything else you’ve ever said to him, really. I mean, anything along the lines of “How could someone with as much to offer as me be with such a lowlife?” Or maybe even something like “You fucking idiot, are you seriously degrading me so much as to say I’m worthy of being with trash like you?” Sometimes it’d even be “Oh, so now you’re calling me ugly?”

You’d take his eagerness to be with you as an insult to yourself because he was nothing to you, not even near the level you were on. You were so great because you were rich, that’s fucking it. All your confidence and cockiness and ego built up over years, it was all because of the amount of green you had to your name. Fucking pathetic, that’s what that was.

Sure, he did love you. More than he can even put into words. But he loathed you all the same.

I mean, you insult him, call him names, bully him into some puny form of obedience like some trained mutt, you’re awful to him. He just loves your beauty, that’s all he can really say about you anymore because he hates that wretched personality of yours. Something’s gonna have to change about that if he’d ever want to see himself with you for the rest of his life again, without stabbing you fifteen times for one single comment.

“Why is it that you have to insult me all the time?” he finally spoke up, causing your laughter to echo through the halls as you strutted along, not paying much attention to his rageful gaze burning holes into the back of your head. 

“Are they really insults? Honey, I feel I’m just speaking facts here. You are a nobody to me, nothing but a mutt that I simply bend in whatever way I choose to,” you weren’t even phased by his question, heels clicking on the hardwood floor up until you stopped in front of your door, pulling your keys out to unlock it before spinning around to look at him with an all-too-amused expression. “Besides, I find it really difficult to fall in love with anyone other than myself because I’m so fucking amazing.”

You stepped into your place as soon as the door was opened, but you were unable to close it, a foot being trapped between the door and the doorframe.

“Get your damn foot out of the door, what the hell is wrong with you?” you snorted, but then his hand found contact with the door, shoving it open all the way so he could walk inside. You were easily shoved with the door because of your weak frame, your strength was nothing compared to his. You watched him with narrowed eyes as he shut the door behind him gently, turning to you with those same rage-filled eyes that he gave you earlier. “Why the fuck do you think it’s a good idea for you to be in my dorm? Do you not have any common decency?”

“For being such a rich bitch, I’m surprised you chose to stay in the dorms,” he muttered, taking a few steps toward you until he could easily place his hands on either side of your torso, holding you in place, even as you started squirming in protest, an expression of disgust displayed quickly over your features. He was so close to you now that he could smell that whorish perfume you always wore that you claimed was so expensive but you really just bought it at a corner shop, your hot breath warmed his chilled lips, the blush spreading across your cheeks at such an intimate interaction was fully available for him to see now that you were directly in front of him, in his grasp.

“Unhand me, dickhead,” you punched at his chest as soon as you realized squirming wasn’t getting you anywhere, but he just laughed. His laugh was deep, low, it sent chills down your spine, your fists hesitating their movements, and eyes meeting his piercing ones. In an instant, you were picked up, practically thrown over his shoulder. You were fighting; kicking and screaming for him to let you go, put you down, at least, but he didn’t listen one bit. You had wound up in your bedroom, thrown onto your bed in the midst of the chaos. But as soon as you attempted to stand up, you were quickly pinned back down, a pair of lips locking with yours.

You struggled under his hold, his tongue bickering with yours in such a callous way that made you whimper underneath his strong hold. Soon, it became too much for you, losing your breath, desperate to be freed from his unforgiving grasp, you bit hard onto his bottom lip. His grip on your wrists only tightened as his lips moved against yours rougher now, the taste of metallic seeped into your mouth, more whines and soft cries falling from you as his knees assisted in spreading your legs apart so he could press his clothed cock against your already soaked panties, grinding against you until your skirt was fully lifted up and he could feel the moisture seeping through his pants.

Finally, he pulled his lips away from yours to smirk down at you, your eyes fluttering shut as your lips had become swollen, coated with the crimson that you caused to escape his own lips. His eyes trailed down your body to catch sight of the patch of wetness you transferred onto his pants, mumbling, “So you like being treated like a little whore, is that it?”

“Don’t talk to me like that,” you snapped, eyes locked with his, only for a second because you weren’t able to watch the cockiness bubbling inside him. “I-I’m no whore.”

“You’re my whore, how’s that, baby?” he leaned down toward your ear, lips brushing against your lobe as he seductively whispered. You subconsciously tilted your head so he would have more access to your neck. One of his hands left its grip on your wrist to trace down the center of your stomach until his fingers were able to slip into your panties, two fingers quickly curling inside you. 

You let out a breathy gasp as your free hand grasped at his shirt, “N-no, Ja-Jae, please. St-stop it.”

“What’s the matter? You don’t like this?” he hummed, leaving gentle kisses along your jawline. “Or do you want more? Is that the problem?”

You shook your head, unable to deny his question with your words. Every time you tried to speak, the air was only met with another choked-out moan from you.

“Jae, pl-please, don’t wa-wanna cum like this,” you cried, finally managing out a jumbled-together sentence with the last sane fiber of your being.

“You want my dick instead? It’s okay, baby, just say it. Say you want me to fuck you like the whore that you are,” he chuckled, adding a third finger into your cunt as soon as you began clenching around the first two. “I’ll give you what you want if you just ask nicely.”

“N-no,” you squeezed your eyes shut tightly, shaking your head over and over again, your brain scattered. “F-fine, fine. I-I want your dick, Jae, pl-please, fuck me.”

“Good girl,” he praised, pulling his fingers out of you to fumble with his pants, shoving them off of him, shirt coming off next. You wanted to help him, but you had so much shame built up inside you that all you could do was keep your eyes shut, waiting for him to make the next move. Your face was brightly flushed red, lips pink and swollen, remnants of wet droplets rolling down your cheeks. 

He shoved your panties to the side, pushing his erect cock between your folds, hissing at the way your walls clung to him out of desperation. He had let go of your other wrist by now too, using that free hand to massage your boob from overtop your shirt as he slipped himself into your tight hole. You squealed as you covered your face with your small hands, which he allowed only until he had fully bottomed out, balls sloppily slapping against you as his pace was fast from the start. He grabbed your hands away from your face, pinning your wrists above your head with one hand as the other pinched at your nipples. 

You cried in pure pleasure, wincing from the level of bliss you were experiencing.

“Do you like this, bitch? Hm? Gonna admit that you like being treated like a whore yet? Gonna admit that you’re my whore yet?” he growled, smacking your cheek weakly, gripping your chin to force your head to the center, your eyes popping open to lock with his at the impact, which caused you to sniffle. “You’re letting such a lowlife, a loser, a piece of fucking garbage fuck you like a slut and you’re fucking loving every moment of it.”

“Don’ li-like,” you slurred, mind blurred and vision fuzzy as an overwhelming knot grew in your stomach. 

He smacked that same cheek again, a soft cry falling from your parted lips, “Why can’t you just fucking tell me the truth, huh? Why do you have to be so fucking difficult?!”

“I-I’m so-sorry!” you squealed, a train of tears rolled down your cheeks, the saltiness from them stinging the newly reddened hand marks on your face. “I-I love this! Yo-your slut, your wh-whore! I-I’ll be whatever you want, daddy!”

A smirk formed on his face the moment he heard your words, the same three fingers he had inside of you not too long ago slipping past your lips and all the way into your mouth, choking you only a little before you began sucking on them out of comfort as your moans vibrated his flesh, eyes rolling back, head dizzying, legs trembling more and more with every thrust he made into you.

“Try acting all high and mighty when you talk to me now,” he scoffed, moving his fingers in and out of your mouth slowly, gagging you each time he pressed them down the back of your throat. “Every time you do that shit, I’m just gonna have to remind you what a good cumslut you are for me and fuck you stupid, just like this.”

You whimpered against his rough movements, yet you really were loving every moment of it. You choked out some incoherent phrases against his fingers, but no one would even be able to understand you by this point, you were long gone, losing yourself in the pleasure you were feeling.

“Goddamn, I’m gonna cum so deep inside you that you’ll fucking bleed my seed,” he groaned, teeth making contact with the skin on your neck in rough bites and sucks. You shook your head as soon as you heard his words, the thought of him cumming in you was too much for you to handle. You tried to shake him off you, but your panicked attempts were met with a dark chuckle as his fingers exited your mouth. “Go ahead, speak.”

“N-not inside,” you whined, more tears streaming down your face, leaving behind paths of moisture on top of the dried tears.

“Nonsense,” he snapped, smacking your face as harshly as the last two time combined. You cried loudly, squirming aggressively under him, but his hips didn’t slow down for even a second. His thrusts might’ve gotten sloppier, but his movements, if anything, got faster. “You’ll take everything I fucking give you with absolutely no complaints, do you understand, whore? You will take all my fucking cum and you won’t waste a single drop.”

“Pl-please, no, no!” you cried, yet your body was opposing your protests, shaking in pure esctasy. Giving up, your next phrase moaned loudly was, “Shi-hit, fill me up, daddy! Need your cum in me right now! Need it all!”

“So demanding,” he purred, fingers rubbing circles around your sensitive bud as his mouth collided with yours. You cried against his lips, body convulsing violently underneath his strong body, head spinning. Soon, your warm cum soaked his cock, his own cum shooting out as strands inside you. He made sure he held you tightly in place with both hands gripping your hips to fuck his cum as deep as possible, head thrown back. Your own hands trailed along his perfectly toned abs out of curiosity, running along the bumps with a soft smirk falling over your beautifully curved up lips.

“Fuck,” he muttered, popping out of your cunt, leaving you clenching around nothing, missing his cock filling you up, feeling empty without him. He fell down onto the bed next to you, gazing over at your gorgeously glistening body, layers of sweat coating your delicate skin.

“We… had sex…” you shakily spoke out, too afraid to look over at him for even a second. You were ashamed of yourself and how you acted, and reacted, with him. 

“I ruined that cocky ego of yours, huh?” he chuckled, sitting up to look down at you exhausted figure, now being in your line of vision. 

You blinked repeatedly as you stared into his now cocky eyes, rolling yours, “You’re a douche, you know that?”

He laughed again, crawling back on top of you, causing your breath to quickly be caught in your throat, unable to spit out a reply to his disgustingly egotistical laugh.

“Oh, honey, I’ve only just started.”

[nausicaamusiclover20]

God I love your James stories so much can I drop a request too??? He and reader are childhood friends but after his gf breaks up with him he kinda uses her (sexually and emotionally)? Like he stills calls out his ex’s mane when they are intimate, etc? But the reader loves him, so she stays, but when he stars comparing her to his it’s it’s too much? And she moves to another city to escape him? But then he finally realizes that ghetto reader was that he wanted all this time?

Thank you so much! I hope you like it ❤

You're still the one

I knew it was a bad idea the moment I answered the door. James was standing there, looking like hell, his hair a mess and that sadness in his eyes so deep I could feel it tugging on me like a tide. I could smell the alcohol on him as he stumbled inside, muttering something about his ex and how he couldn’t sleep. The words were barely out of his mouth before his arms were around me, pulling me against his chest like I was some kind of lifeline.

It was strange to feel his hands tracing my skin as he murmured apologies—stranger still because I’d dreamt of this closeness for so long. But I wasn’t naive; I knew he wasn’t here for me. Not really. This was just a game he didn’t realize he was playing, a way for him to keep from feeling the loss that had gutted him. I kept telling myself that it was okay, that I could handle being his comfort, even if it hurt. Because, God, I loved him. I had loved him for as long as I could remember.

But then he whispered her name.

It tore through me like glass, and for a moment, I froze. I tried to tell myself it was just a slip, a mistake anyone could make. And yet, there it was again, slipping out in his broken voice, his fingers gripping me a little too tightly, as if clinging to someone who wasn’t really there.

The days turned into weeks, and each night was the same—a blur of need and heartache. He’d reach for me, whispering things he’d never say when he was sober. But when dawn came, he was always a little colder, a little more distant, his words laced with comparisons I could never live up to.

“You know, she would’ve laughed at that,” he’d say, or, “She wouldn’t have been this clingy.” Little remarks that chipped away at what was left of my pride. Each word was a reminder that I wasn’t her. That I was just the one holding his hand while he waited for something—or someone—else.

Finally, one night, as he slept beside me, I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep waiting for him to see me, to realize that I was here, that I loved him enough to endure every little slice he carved into me. So I left. Quietly, I packed my bags, leaving behind only the memories of us that I knew he’d forget by morning. 

Moving to another city wasn’t easy, but in time, I found my own footing. I let the silence between us grow, hoping it would make him realize that I was gone. Maybe, just maybe, it would make him miss me the way I had missed him.

But then one evening, I heard a knock on my door, and my heart stuttered. Because I knew—somehow, I just knew—it was him.

The knock came again, sharp and insistent. My hand hovered on the doorknob, my heart pounding as if it already knew who was on the other side. I took a breath, steadying myself before I finally opened it.

James stood there, looking wrecked, shadows under his eyes and that familiar sadness in his gaze. The same one that used to pull me in, that kept me coming back no matter how many pieces he broke me into. But this time, something was different. I felt anger simmering under my skin, an ache I’d carried since the day I’d left.

He looked at me like he’d forgotten how to speak. "Hey,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"James,” I replied, holding the door just wide enough to let him see me. I wanted to shut it in his face, to make him feel even a sliver of the emptiness he’d left in me. But that look in his eyes stopped me cold, and I hated that part of me still softened, still wanted to reach for him.

“Please,” he whispered, taking a step closer, “let me explain.”

I clenched my jaw, finally stepping back to let him in. The room felt smaller with him in it, like he’d dragged all of his baggage with him, filling every corner. He glanced around, his eyes landing on the half-unpacked boxes, the bare walls, and something seemed to break in him.

“You really left,” he said, almost to himself. He turned back to me, his voice thick. “Why didn’t you tell me? You just…disappeared.”

I felt a bitter laugh slip out before I could stop it. “Why? So you could convince me to stay? Or was it because you finally noticed I was gone when no one else was there to fill the silence?”

He flinched, a pained expression crossing his face. “That’s not fair.”

“Oh, isn’t it?” I folded my arms, feeling the weight of everything he’d put me through press down like a stone in my chest. “James, you used me. You called out her name when I was right there, pretending I could ever be enough to fix whatever she left behind. And I thought…I was so stupid. I thought that if I just stayed, if I just loved you enough, you’d finally see me.”

He took a shaky breath, looking down, his hands balled into fists. “I know. I know, and I can’t change that. But…you were the one who was always there. You were the one I needed, not her. I just didn’t realize it because I was a coward. And I don’t—I don’t have any right to ask you to forgive me, but I had to try.”

The words clawed at my heart, tearing open all the wounds I’d thought were starting to heal. I laughed again, but it sounded hollow, almost broken. “Try? Now you want to try? After you’ve drained everything from me, left me feeling like I was never good enough, now you want to try?”

He stepped closer, his voice desperate, as if he were afraid that if he didn’t speak fast enough, I’d vanish. “I’ll spend my whole life trying, if that’s what it takes. I’m not here because I want to go back to how things were—I’m here because I can’t keep pretending I’m okay without you.”

I shook my head, tears stinging my eyes. “You don’t get to say that now, James. Not after everything.”

He reached out as if to touch me, but I stepped back, holding up a hand. “No. You don’t get to waltz back into my life and expect me to fall apart for you again. I’ve spent too many nights wondering what I did wrong, why I was never enough. And now…I don’t know if I can believe a single word you’re saying.”

His shoulders slumped, and he looked down, like he was crumbling under the weight of my words. “I’m not asking you to fall apart for me,” he said, his voice barely holding steady. “I just want a chance to show you that I’m here, that I’m choosing you. “I want you to be my first choice, always. You’re the one I want. Please, let me show you how much you mean to me.”

For a moment, silence enveloped us. I could feel my heart racing as I weighed my options. It was terrifying to think about trusting him again, but a part of me longed for the warmth we used to share, the laughter that filled the spaces between us. The connection that had always been there, waiting for the right moment to bloom.

“I need to know you’re serious,” I said, my voice steadying. “That you’re not going to fall back into old habits or compare me to her again. I need you to be all in.”

“I promise,” he replied, his gaze unwavering. “I’ll show you I’m serious. Just give me a chance.”

With a shaky breath, I nodded, feeling the weight of my decision settle over me like a warm embrace. “Okay. Let’s start slow.”

James smiled, a real smile that lit up his face, and I couldn’t help but smile back, even though my heart was still cautious. “I’ll take it slow. I’ll take anything if it means I get to be with you again.”

As he stepped closer, I felt the familiar pull of his presence, and despite the hurt, despite the fear, I knew I was willing to take that leap. Maybe we could navigate this new path together, learning to build something stronger from the ashes of our past.

That night, as we talked and laughed, sharing stories like we used to, I felt the darkness lifting just a little. And while I knew it would take time, I finally believed that we could create a new beginning, one filled with hope, healing, and maybe—just maybe—love.

[madam-whim]

WIP Wednesday

I was tagged for my first wip wednesday by the lovely @illumiera, thank you for the tag! <3 I will share a tiny bit of my Oblivion fic that I am currently working on. It's not currently posted anywhere because I rarely trust myself to finish a fic, but! Here's the first time Martin meets my slightly off HoK, Arri.

As it turned out, she wasn’t injured, she was alone, and she seemed very angry. Judging by the two dead scamps at her feet, the two daggers she carried and the bow she had strapped to her back, she knew how to hold her own in a fight. “Still alive, I see,” she said, her eyes roaming over the people staring at her. “Just barely,” Tierra replied. “Come inside, we don’t know how many of those things are still lurking around here.” The woman nodded and stepped inside the chapel so that Berich could close the door behind her. Had she not had her weapons with her, Martin wouldn’t have taken her for someone who could fight her way into a besieged city on her own. The simple leather armor she wore had certainly seen better days, her face was covered in ash and blood and he could only guess at the color of her hair. But the fact that she was standing here, seemingly unharmed, spoke for itself. “I’m looking for a priest named Martin,” their visitor announced. There was a strange tone to her voice, Martin thought – as if she had to make a conscious effort to control her own voice. Stranger still was that she seemed to be looking for him, of all people. Tierra, too worn out to be suspicious of anyone, answered her. “That... would be him,” she said, gesturing towards Martin, clearly confused. “But… what is it you want with him?” The woman ignored Tierra’s question. “He’s coming with me,” she stated instead, in a tone that did not allow for discussion. Martin stared at her, unmoving. “What?” “I said you’re coming with me,” she repeated, and for the first time, she actually looked at him instead of right through him. “The Emperor sent me to get you, and so I will.” That, Martin decided, was impossible. “The Emperor is dead! He must be, or else these Daedra would not even be here!” The woman rolled her eyes, entirely unimpressed. “I know he’s dead. I was with him when he died. Right after he told me I needed to find you. You are Martin, right? The priest?” “Yes. I'm a priest”, he replied. „Do you need a priest? I don't think I'll be much help to you. I'm having trouble understanding the gods right now. If all this is part of a divine plan, I'm not sure I want to have anything to do with it." “Well, unfortunately for you, there is, in fact, a plan, and it won’t work without you, so get moving!” she insisted. “What plan?” Martin hissed, all too quickly running out of patience with this woman, who did not even seem to care in the slightest about the suffering around her. “What are you talking about? I prayed to Akatosh all through that terrible night, but no help came. Only more Daedra. What can you possibly know that would help me make sense of this?” For just a moment, she lost her composure, a look of utter disbelief on her face. “He doesn’t know,” she said then, to no one in particular. “This man is the only thing stopping Mehrunes Dagon from taking over Tamriel and no one told him!” And then she started cackling. It was an ugly sound, and too loud for the otherwise silent chapel. It was a desperate kind of laugh, Martin knew, and he felt his blood run cold. If the Daedra outside were indeed Dagon’s minions, it was… as bad as it could possibly get, and whatever it was that this woman in front of him was talking about, he didn’t understand a word it. She seemed to believe he was… important somehow, and none of it made sense to him.

I do believe pretty much everyone has been tagged at least once this week already, however, I shall yeet a tag in @pinessydr's general direction, for I Crave The Lore.

And of course, anyone else who wants to share should feel tagged as well :)

[wonderland-smile-stories]

~ Chapter 4. 02 ~

I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes and how poorly written this fanfic is. English is not my first language and together with my dyslexia ass things can go wrong I'm sorry.

My head was spinning, but I didn't let that stop me. I had to reach them before it was too late. There was something wrong I just knew it! The nauseating feeling in my stomach just didn’t go away whatever I did. My lungs were begging me to stop running, but I needed to keep going.

The burning smell was already in my nose the moment I ran into my street. My eyes got wider when I saw the angry blaze coming closer and closer.

My skin began to burn already when I reached my house. There were already people coming out of their houses, looking at what the hell was happening. My mind was racing with the thought of the kids being still in the house. Hoping to find them safe and well I spun around thinking they might have run to one of the neighbors, but they were nowhere to be seen.

“This happened because you left.”

With a jerk, I turned back around when I heard a voice coming from behind me.

My eyes widened when I saw myself standing there.

"What?" I mutter looking from her to the house.

“You left escaping this place, but those innocent kids were left behind. Miss Ward needed money and selling you off would have solved that problem, but you left so she needed to find a way to get that money no matter what.” The big smile never left her face when she spoke.

“She was awful, but she wouldn’t kill to get money!” I explained looking from the house back to her.

“Are you sure?”

I was about to answer her when I heard screams coming from inside.

“Oh my God…..” I mutter before running inside the burning building.

The smoke quickly hit my face making me cough hard before I put my arm in front of my nose and mouth. I was in the hallway downstairs and I couldn't see or hear them hear. I was trying to listen, but the noise of the house breaking down and the flames around me made it impossible to hear anything else.

"Miles! Anybody!" I ran up the stairs trying to see something, but to the smoke, it was getting harder to see or breathe.

Tears stream down my face because of the smoke burning them.

"Help!" A voice and banging came from further down the hall.

The kids' rooms.

Immediately I ran upstairs.

"Hello!" My voice screamed out when I reached the door.

My eyes widened when I saw that the door was nailed shut with planks. That crazy bitch! I turned to another room and saw that it was nailed shut as well. In fact, all the kid's doors were blocked

I can’t believe she would actually do this! I shook my head before reaching for the doorknob trying to open it somehow. A hiss left my voice together with my hand pulling back.

When I looked at it I saw a burn mark on them. It stung badly and I could already see the redness getting darker together with raised skin that would probably form a blister in a few minutes.

My lungs felt like they were on fire. A coughing fit left my mouth well I leaned against the door.

“Kids! Someone! It’s me Mi-na! I’m here!” I yelled trying to get their attention, but I was silent. Did they already pass out from the smoke? Who knows how long they have been here inhaling it!

Think this made me only want to open the door more. With shaky hands, I began to try pulling the planks away. My left hand stung badly because of the burn, but I shoved that to the back of my mind focusing on the door.

My hands began to bleed from using too much force, but it didn’t stop me! I wanted to get the kids out. I needed to get them out before it was too late. There was no way I would let them die in better.

Because of the blood, my grip began to slip from the planks leaving only blood behind. A scream left my mouth frustrated that it wasn't working.

Being desperate and knowing deep down that it wouldn't work I began to ram into the door and planks with the weight of my whole body. My whole body was already aching in pain, but now it felt like every muscle, bone, and nerve decided to break all at once leaving me in more pain than I already was in.

“Help!” I stopped my movements when I heard a faint voice coming from down the hall.

“Please help!” My feet began to move on their own going straight to the source of the voice!

My vision was blurry from the smoke, but I managed to reach where the voice came from.

To my surprise, it came from my old room. This door was blocked off so I wasted no time and opened the door.

Stumbling inside I close the door behind trying not to get more smoke in the room.

There was less smoke here than in the hallway making it easier to breathe. My eyes scanned the room, but nobody seemed to be there.

“Are you happy now, knowing you ran and left them behind?” I spun around and came face to face with myself again.

“I didn’t had a choice,” I mutter out.

A laugh escaped her lips before speaking up again.

“Yes, you did you could have fought, but you weren’t strong enough.” She began to walk around me with the same big smile on her face.

“Are you going to run when your new friends need you as well?”

I shook my head.

“This was different! If I had stayed I wouldn't have been able to help as well. They would have forbidden me to see those kids!” I screamed back defending my action, but it only made her smile more.

“You could just let me help and something like this would never happen again. Everyone you care about would be safe.” She taunted walking closer, but I just shook my head.

“I’ll never give in to you!”

I gasp for air sitting up straight! My eyes dart across the room not recognizing where ever I was.

"Finally."

I look at the door opening and see Eun-yu standing there with her hands over her chest.

"Wha.....what happened?" I asked out of breath.

"You almost died. That's what happened."

I frown my brows shaking my head.

"I..I do...don't remember." I whisper looking down.

"You maybe don't, but it's engraved in my mind now forever! You fell nine floors! In front of me!" I look up at her surprised at what she said.

"Wh...what?"

Eun-yu rolled her eyes before walking inside and sits on the makeshift bed, beside me where I woke up in.

"You."

"Fell."

"Nine."

"Floors." She said slowly like I was stupid.

"I get that, but how did I survive that? I should be dead!"

"You have Hyun-su to thank for that. You fell on him."

Oh, God!

I remember! Something pushed me and we both fell!

"Hyun-su, is he okay?" My voice was shaking hoping he was alright.

"That’s funny. It's the same thing Hyun-su asked when he woke up about you. He's okay."

I close my eyes letting out a deep breath.

"Did Ji-su and Jae-heon reach the first floor safely?"

I remember hearing them scream for us, but I didn't see them come down.

"The other people that came running after you guys, yeah there here."

I nodded my head happy that everything was fine.

"Mi-na."

The two of us looked at the door opening and saw Eun-hyuk standing there with his hands in his pockets.

"What do you want? Don't you see we're talking?!" Eun-yu snapped at her brother.

"I need to check if she's alright. She fell nine floors down, don't you think it's important to see if she's okay?" Eun-yu let out a sigh of frustration before standing up.

"Whatever." She mumbled walking past her brother and bumping shoulders with him.

Eun-hyuk shook his head at her before walking inside.

"So I fell nine floors huh?" I asked when he took a chair from somewhere in the security office placing it in front of me.

"Yes, how do you feel?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"I'm sore in some places, but I don't think I broke something," I told him which made him nod his head.

He took my left arm and began to inspect it before going to the other one.

"Soooo, you are the doctor here. How can a person survive a fall from a height like that?"

He let out a chuckle before going to my shoulders.

"I'm not a doctor."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"You practically are one the way you study."

He let out another chuckle, still concentrating on checking up on my body.

"So any thoughts?" I asked again.

He let out a sigh before answering.

"In a normal situation, I would say that you couldn't, but with what has been going on with the world recently." He paused for a second before continuing.

"My best guess is that Hyun-su broke your fall. His body protected your vital organs from the impact." I nodded my head.

"So you know about him being..."

"Infected, yeah. It was pretty obvious when we found you guys and he was still breathing even with all the blood he lost. To be honest I thought the both of you died." I nodded my head and watched how he inspected my neck.

"Also, It only took him three hours to wake up. While you have been out for twelve hours."

My eyes widened when those last words left his mouth.

"Twelve hours?!" I gasp.

He nodded his head, letting go of my face.

"Can you lay down?" I did as he asked and laid back down on the bed.

"Are there more people infected?" I asked when he laid his hand on my stomach.

"Mister Kim Seak-hyeon."

A little laugh escaped my mouth, but I quickly shut it.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," I mutter.

A small smile came on his face while he was feeling around my stomach for painful areas.

"I'm not saying anything." I bite my tongue nodding my head.

Mister Kim deserves whatever he's going through right now. Just like Miss Ward Mister Kim like to beat his wife. I have seen it a couple of times and stopped it too, which made him more angry, and would yell all kinds of things at me while I walked out of the store.

I can't stand people who just abuse people because they feel like their lesser than them.

"Only two, I had expected worse," I admitted watching as he went to my right leg

"It's only the beginning. Who knows who will turn next..."

Before he could finish I let out a hiss when he wanted to start inspecting my left leg at the ankle.

"Next." He spoke pausing for a second before asking.

"Did you have this before your fall?"

I lean on my elbow looking at my ankle.

"Yes and no," I answer making him confused.

"I had an accident last year where I hurt my ankle badly. It would swell up together with some pain from time to time, but it hasn't been hurting for months now." I explain looking as he took my shoe off carefully.

It wasn't looking good. It was red and swollen and I think I could see some blue spots here and there.

"You must have hit it against the ground when you fell." He explains standing up and looking around for something.

"I have some cream upstairs that always helps against the swelling and pain, but I guess you won't let me go get it." He let out a chuckle while taking something from a cabinet in the room.

"You guessed right." He said turning back around towards me. In his hands, he had some bandages and a tube of something.

"We'll have to do with this for now." Gently he took my ankle and began to apply whatever was in the tube.

"So what now?" I asked laying back down while looking at the dirty ceiling.

"You have to stay off your foot for a few days, s...."

I cut him off by saying

"Not for me, but for all of us? What are we going to do now?"

He let out a sigh before taking the bandage from next to him.

"Trying to survive. Firstly we have to make sure that every exit is secured, so nothing can come in. We can't make others plan when a monster can just burst through them." I nodded leaning on my elbow again.

I watch as he finishes wrapping my ankle putting it gently on the bed again.

"Can I go see the others now?" I asked swinging my legs over the edge of the bed.

Before I could stand up Eun-hyuk put his hands on my shoulders preventing me from doing so.

"Didn't you just hear what I said? You can't stand on it for a few days." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Don't worry it doesn't hurt that much, besides I have done worst things when my ankle was even worse than this." His eyes scanned me up and down.

"If you want me to stay here in bed you have to tie me down to it. I don't want to just lay here and do nothing. I can handle a little pain. Trust me." I pleaded.

He let out a sigh of defeat letting go of my shoulders. Quickly I put on my sock and shoe.

"You're stubborn like my sister. That's probably one of the reasons she's friends with you." I gave him a smile nodding my head.

He offered his hand to help me stand up. Slowly I stood up testing my ankle on how much it hurt. Gently I took a step. It hurts, but I had worse.

"I'm fine," I said softly declining Eun-hyuk's help when I saw that he wanted to help me walk.

I could hear him let out a sigh and some curse words while I limped out of the security office.

Previous Chapter ~ Next Chapter

——————————————————-

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had the chance to celebrate! I am tired, to say the least! Tonight is going to be my first proper sleep in a few days. It was also my birthday on the 30th and having celebrated that and New Year Eves I haven’t gotten much sleep. So enjoy your day or night wherever you are in the world! Bye!

[mx-pastelwriting]

Can I request Khonshu x reader? Angst to fluff? The reader has been hurting herself after all her fights while being a servant with Khonshu. Khonshu doesn’t know but decides to check up on her one night to find her using a weapons to cut herself. Khonshu immediately shout at her and scares her, and he takes away her weapons to nurses her back to health. Seeing her cry makes him stop before he goes further and so he comforts her in the bathroom until she can sleep peacefully. Over the next 3 weeks Khonshu restricts her involvement with his “justice” and the reader one day having enough demands to know why she can’t serve him. Khonshu blows her off and tells her because he said so. But the reader fires back saying how he’s acting like the gods that imprisoned him. Khonshu gets angry and snaps at her and tells her why. He says because he’s scared for her, he’s scared that she does this to herself and she doesn’t even think for a second on how he feels about it. The reader says he wouldn’t care but Khonshu pushes her down on the bed and yells that he does. He starts shaking and whispers saying more than she knows, and more than he wants to. While he can’t cry, but when the reader hears his voice break she knows she’d hurt him. He says that he loves her, loves her more than anything, and seeing her like this hurts more than any sinner could do to him. The reader sees the sky begin to blackened as Khonshu says what is a god if he cannot protect his own. The reader hugs him and says she’s sorry, and Khonshu hugs back and the sky brightens. Khonshu orders her to never do that again, he can’t stand to see a mortal…no his mortal do this to herself. She promises and said the reason why was because he was always pushing her and she thought cutting herself ease some of the stress away. Khonshu tells her if she ever needs a break tell him. She nods and kisses his beak saying she loves him to. Khonshu disappears and reappears beside her before he puts her on top of him saying he knows he’s always known he just wanted to hear her say it.

I didn't feel too conformable with the cutting, so I changed it a bit. I've definitely been in a place like that myself, so I hope you're doing okay. Sorry for the late post!

Khonshu x GN! Reader

Summary: Request up top!

Warning: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff Ending

You hissed from the pain of unwrapping your wounds as your body ached with the familiar feeling of pain. Taking the disinfectant, pouring it on your wounds, trying to make a straight face, almost enjoying the pain

"Such a waste!" A deep voice boomed from behind you, snapping at your neck. Seeing Khonshu, he stood over you as he tightly gripped his staff. His head moves as if he were looking over at you again. Moving quickly, he snatches your weapons, taking away your purpose for him.

"You know your limit," he says in disappointment, pushing you gently back on your bed. Feeling his touch on your old and new wounds, shame bubbles to the surface. Hot tears build as your lip quivers and his hand covers your eyes. "There's no need for that; rest now." Closing them and holding back your cries, you slowly slip into a much-needed sleep.

-

Staring out the same window for the past three weeks, you felt the anger rise in your chest, "Khonshu" calling out into the air as you do every day. "No," he stated once again. Smacking your lips against your teeth, you sit up and say, "What is the point of having me around if I can't do anything for you?" You yell out.

"Because I say when," his words ring in your ears, making you look at the ground feeling like a troubled child, fine, then I'm done." You say that getting up from the bed makes your body still ache, but you dismiss it. "I'm done being imprisoned by you, so no more fighting justice; you can find someone else." You yell out in the room.

Grabbing stuff, you start to feel weak, making you fall to your knees, your head feeling light. "I will not allow you to hurt yourself once again," he says, now appearing in the room.

"I fear for you, allowing yourself to be hurt by my fault." He looks down at you and continues, "Does my feeling not matter?" Anger surfaces in his voice. "Why does it matter to you?" You struggled to say getting back up; he wouldn't have noticed if you didn't slip up.

His hand comes to you, helping your weak body onto the bed. "You matter more than your little mind could know." He whispers in a stern voice as his head shakes, "More than I would like." His voice cracks, making him back up and sit on the foot of your bed.

Silence falls on the room; he is no longer looking at you. "What do you mean by care? I doubt you really care for me." Your words are trying to get a hit on him, but all you get is a deep sigh from him. "Caring isn't the word I should have used," he said, making your stomach sink. "It's what you humans call love; such a strong feeling it is." His voice was calm; not a doubt leaked from it.

"Seeing you in a state close to what I first found you in hurts more than any sinner could do." As he finished confessing, you heard thunder roar from outside. Your neck snapped to the window, and the sky turned dark. "What god couldn't protect their own?" His voice is low and steeped in sadness. Moving to him, you wrap your arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"I'm sorry, I needed something to just feel something." Breaking the hug, you both look at each other with a new understanding: "I order you never to do it again." He states, making you smile, "I couldn't stand seeing you like that ever again. No mortal—my mortal shall never be alone with that pain." He makes his thoughts stand out, making sure you know.

"I promise to respect that order." You reassure him, "A break sounds needed. What do you think, love?" His words make your brow rise. "Love?" you repeat, making him chuckle deeply. Feeling his arm pull you closer, you smile and kiss his beak, making him stop.

Pushing you down onto the bed, you look up at him. "Do it again," he says, almost sounding like he was in a daze. Doing it again, he hums almost like a purr. "Again," he says, making you laugh, knowing you'll be here all day.

Hello, I hope you enjoyed if there is and grammar mistakes or misspellings sorry about that feel free to let me know in the comments, have a great day/afternoon/night!