#Bc it's true they're both struggling with life

[adore-gregor]

study smart not hard (altough both is best actually) this saying is so true

[revvnant]

do you guys ever think about the mci.

[goyurim]

“even though im here?” “yes.”

“even when i told you how i felt?” “yes.”

seok ryu's rejection sounds so harsh but it makes perfect sense given how much she thinks loving her is conditional. given the way her parents have always treated her, she's grown up to believe that she cannot allow herself to be a burden, only someone who'll carry burdens for the people in her life. she carries on this belief into her workplace, to the point that people use and abuse her - she only realises she cannot take it anymore when her fiancé's own mental health starts getting negatively impacted by her health issues, which are something completely out of her control.

she says she doesn't need love anymore when she rejects hyeon jun's second attempt at proposing bc she's finally realised that that's what a huge part of love is - being a burden on someone - and she knows hyeon jun is not the type of person who's ready to be on the receiving end of that kind of love right now. what she hasn't realised yet is that not everyone is hyeon jun. or her parents. or her coworkers. but when everyone in your life reaffirms your false beliefs, well, you tend to get biased.

seok ryu's always been there for seung hyo at his lowest. she's always been there for moral support when he had no one else. when she tells seung hyo's coworkers that she practically raised him, it's part bragging, but it's also true from her perspective, she offered him unconditional love like a parent would (like his own parents should have), without ever expecting anything in return. she did it out of the goodness of her heart, bc that's just who she is, that's who she's always been.

but somewhere along the way she convinced herself that that's all she could ever be to him, someone he could rely on. bc he deserves that, to be loved in a way that he could be a burden on her. that's why she refuses his love for her, she even literally calls it imprinting. bc if she didn't offer all that support to him, would he still like her? if the roles were reversed, would seung hyo ever pull seok ryu out of rock bottom? given his quiet and reserved nature? probably not.

but that's not true! at least not anymore! as seung hyo keeps insisting, they're not kids anymore. they're equals now. we see time and time again how attentive seung hyo is to seok ryu's needs, in his own quiet way, how he's always there for her, at arm's length in case she wants to reach out. he knows she's strong and masks her pain with humour, and doesn't like to be seen when she's struggling, so he doesn't offer her his shoulder to cry on. instead, he sits next to her, walks behind her, tries to reach out to her parents and work out issues with them without her knowledge. he's not imprinting on her anymore, he actively takes care of her.

when seung hyo says he loves seok ryu, he loves her in every way she deserves to be loved. she can be both the person who feels fulfilled by carrying people on her back, and also the one who wants to be carried when she gets tired. she can be strong and weak and emotional and mean and angry and sweet and kind and ambitious and funny and loud and quiet and everything she wants to be. he's seen every side of her and he loves every part of it equally.

[pressplay-if]

This new chapter is so real. It made me remember many things i’ve forgotten from my hospital/treatment days. Not in a bad way but hitting quite close to home. One thing I remembered was how our doctors and counselors viewed friendships/relationships between patients. Communicating outside was pretty frowned upon and being in a relationship with another patient would get out kicked out at the very least. Anyway, the part that really hit was the phone call. The effect that continuing these relationships can have when both parties are in different places in their journey. It’s tough because you bond over something heavy something you might hide from others in your life. Something that is a big part of you, something that you struggle with. In a way it’s like you can be your true self. Without having to put up the facade to keep those around from being uncomfortable. It gives the friendship a sort of depth. But we all progress and heal at different rates. It’s not a one size fits all situation when in comes to treatment. I have been in both positions. Being the person stuck while others come and go. Then later having to move on needing to do what is best for me. It’s difficult for both. But hearing about relapses or certain thoughts from a friend. When you have finally found some stability or are close to falling back into old habits. It can be so triggering. Which makes you have to decide. Do I stick with this person who I connected with at my lowest point? When I am so easily reminded of things i’ve barely just moved on from. Or do I let go and focus on the future? It sucks either way. But it does explain why the doctors say what they say about patient relationships. Though I know it’s not like that for every situation. Anyway, sorry for so many words! I probably have more to say but imma chill out. Just wanna say WOW! Loving the story, it’s relatable(maybe I shouldn’t be too proud of that idk) and thought-provoking. Really got me thinking about things which I don’t normally do. And it ain’t actually that bad. Hope my words made sense. Great work👍🌈😃

So this was the first ask about the second chapter that I got and can I just say thank you?? 🙏

I was so nervous and reading this so soon after it came out was so immensely relieving to me. Back where I was, patient relationships didn't get you kicked out, but we did have a couple and everyone kinda knew they were together but refrained from addressing it bc we all just agreed it'd make things way too messy if we did. Even though, literally, everyone knew. Very much an Anthony/Abigail situation haha.

And yes, your words made a lot of sense to me and they're really appreciated. I, too, have been in both positions--- I think it might be a natural part of a lot of people in that "recovering from mental illness" cycle, even if it's a really unpleasant one. You create this bond over sth so horrible, and you understand each other, for as long as you're both suffering. Then when you start to move away from that, life gets easier but the friendship gets complicated. That's my experience, at any rate. I'm really glad to have hit close to home with this bc that's really what I was intending.

[creatingblackcharacters]

hi ice! im sorry that you're dealing with other stresses, please don't feel any pressure to answer this quickly or anything.

im wondering if you have any advice for a Black person overcoming a lot of internalized anti-Blackness? especially pertaining to feeling like a disappointment specifically for being Black (i struggle with feeling like i will ever be attractive to a partner because of it, even if theyre also Black), and presenting in a way that makes me happy (i want to grow out an afro but i get afraid of looking "too Black", same with wearing my durag and similar things). also are there any books that you would recommend for working through that, or even just learning about Black history (reading often helps me to logic myself out of negative thought patterns and feel inspired)?

thank you! sorry if this ask is too complicated/encompasses too much

Hi! Well first, I am sorry that you've lived a life and in a world that reinforces you to hate yourself. You do not deserve that, and I'm proud of you for asking for more, and I hope you one day live a life where you love yourself and recognize how much you deserve.

If it's okay, in addition to some resources, I could give you some pointers that I gained from my own life experience unlearning internalized antiblackness. It's not an easy or short process, and there's plenty of hard truths and happy truths. I am not the sweetest advice giver either, but I promise I mean well:

1. Release the Shackles of Respectability Politics!

I was already starting to really grow into my Black identity by undergrad (my family had at least tried to help me get there through my childhood) but what really cinched it for me was the state murder of Sandra Bland. Sandra Bland was everything "right"- multiple degrees, pretty, educated, in a historically Black sorority, a college educator, a woman who spoke up for justice. Respected in her community! She was everything I thought I was supposed to be!

And the police still captured her, beat her, and murdered her in her jail cell (and lied about it, and potentially posted a picture of her dead body as her mugshot) for the audacity to question them. She's still dead! She still wasn't "good" enough to live!

No amount of being a "good, well-behaved" Black will save you in a society where being Black itself is deemed a sin. So every time you get a thought where "this isn't what society wants" or "I'm embarrassed" or "if I do this, I'll look like a bad-" cut it off! Fuck em! IT'S NOT TRUE! Recognize that you could be the finest, richest person on the street and you'd still be just a n***a in many people's eyes. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Point blank. They don't like you for your racial identity. They can be racist to Barack Obama and Beyonce, and they sure can be racist to you lmao.

It's not about you, you are not the problem! James Baldwin himself once said that racism is the white man's problem. It's not your responsibility to make them "like" you and "not be disappointed", it's their responsibility to respect you as a human being regardless!

2. Take Back Your Autonomy

This ties into the first one. Let's all thank Lil Nas X for this one, bc he did for my bisexuality what I had to do on my own for my Blackness. 🙏🏾

If they hate you anyway, you might as well be your most authentic self 🤷🏾‍♀️

Don't die disappointed because you wanted to reach white acceptance. Don't do it. If they're gonna hate you suppressed, they might as well hate you out loud 🤷🏾‍♀️ it's your life! It's why I don't shut up about racism lmao. You already hated me, now we'll both be uncomfortable and imma speak 🤷🏾‍♀️

So when you wear that durag, or wear your afro, recognize that 1) there are people just like you who love how you look because you look like them, 2) you should love how you look period because you're who matters, and 3) the day I receive a check with an undisclosed amount of reparations on it is the day I'll sit and discuss allowing whiteness to designate how the fuck I'm suppose to wear my hair lmao (and the answer will still be no). 😤

3. Accept that you're worth it

It's going to be hard. Even by wearing your afro, your own natural hair, you are making a statement of pride in your Blackness, and everyone won't understand or respect that. That was one of my first steps in high school, was cutting off all my permed hair and loving my afro. I had to write affirmations that I read daily to love myself, I was so scared. But it was worth it. My hair is healthy and happy. I had to learn brown skin was beautiful. But once I did, I couldn't stop fawning over it, on myself and others.

There are people who live their lives told by society they are perfect. Why do they get to think they're beautiful, and you don't? They're not better than you, yet they can tell you that you should hate yourself. What gives them the right? Who do they think they are? Fight back! Accept that the fight is hard, but you're worth it! Your Blackness is beautiful, and it fought hard as fuck to make it this far- honor that by honoring yourself!

4. Find some community; dive deep into Blackness

This one is self explanatory. You're gonna have to be around Black people that love themselves. Surround yourself with it. Find things they do that you like. Learn to find love in it. It could be creative, political, hell even finding a hairstyles group that shows cute ways to wear your hair. That can be a way to grow more confident and try new things. (All skinfolk ain't kinfolk though, so be aware.) But being around Black people, who care about the same things you care about, and make you feel heard, will help break that... Mind space where you feel alone and wrong. Trust, if I didn't have other Black people on this site, I would go mad from people gaslighting me that the racism I was seeing wasn't real. You need some more of us around you that reinforce your love for us, and yourself.

Here is a long paper discussing internalized antiblackness; you said you like to read lol. It admittedly focuses on Black women, BUT it might also help to use the sources that they cite to go on your own journey regardless! You could also just surround yourself with bloggers and beautiful poems and Black creations. There's beauty in all of it, you gotta let yourself find it.

I hope this helps 🙏🏾

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/768756274786631680/what-are-some-less-gendered-ways-of-talking-about?source=share you didn't answer this ask, but i (not anon) kind of wish you had because i know you've talked before about the broad patterns you've noticed in terms of communication among AMAB vs. AFAB people, regardless of their actual genders. and i was wondering if you had suggestions in general for how one can talk about that and other gendered-socialization broad patterns (not universal - i'm a cis woman who had a more "male" socialization in some ways along some of these parameters, just bc of who my parents were, and obviously gendered socialization varies a lot from culture to culture) without suggesting that trans women aren't women or trans men aren't men. i get that terfs have completely poisoned the discourse by using socialization to suggest that trans women lack some Essential Universal Female Experience (TM), but i feel like someone should be able to talk about how socialization affects people without using it to invalidate their identity. and before people point out that a lot of trans people don't have a typical AAB gender socialization because they always know that they're their true gender - yes, i know that. but plenty of trans people don't know they're trans until later in life, too. that's not a universal. nothing about socialization is a universal, but there are broad patterns. it also requires you to consciously recognize particular aspects of your socialization as "male" or "female." i have a lot of trans female friends who have talked about how certain ways they talked and acted that they never even registered as "female" were things they were rewarded for pre-transition and punished for after. also, it just feels like denying reality to ignore that some trans people continue to act in patterns that correspond to assigned-at-birth gender socialization even when they figure out their identity, especially early in transition. it's not like the realization comes with a magic pamphlet. i feel like most people who've had sufficient trans friends have noticed that some newly out trans women are still a bit mansplainy toward other women (both cis and trans), for instance. and i've noticed in spaces that are heavily AFAB, there's a big premium put on communicating with extra attention to everyone's emotions and a tendency to judge people more harshly for being blunter or more matter-of-fact and not constantly checking in on feelings, and IME there hasn't been any distinction between cis women vs. transmascs in terms of who enforces that the hardest. And as an autistic cis woman who struggles with that stuff, some of my biggest defenders were trans women. to be clear, I don't think that this anon should go around using terms that reference socialization to this trans women they know. but it also just seems weird to act like you don't think that that could've played any factor in why this person's behavior is reminding you of the way cis men have talked down to you!

--

I didn't have a good answer for them because when I talk about it, I do put it in terms of AFAB and AMAB.

I think it's far easier to talk about this in generalities than to address a specific friend.

People usually freak out or blow their tops when forced to notice that their behavior patterns resemble those of some group they don't like or don't want to belong to. It's true of trans women upset that they're not fitting in socially due to talking down to people and not understanding a bunch of unspoken social rules about being the feelings babysitter. It's true of ex-fundie types when they're told that their nominally pro-queer but toxic views still stink of the bad flavor of Christianity. It's true of women who think of themselves as feminist but who pull NLTOG crap, nominally pro-trans fans who engage in the fujocourse, US freshman year socialists who wouldn't know socialism if it bit them on the ass, etc.

Nobody likes being told that their stated ideals and/or identity clash with their actual behavior. You can say it in ways that are less "You're a man, hur hur", but it's only going to hurt a little bit less.

True, you can try to address it in complete isolation and just say "When you did X, I felt like you were assuming I'm an idiot instead of wondering if I had already looked up those statistics rather than guessing." (If I had a nickel for every time some dude looked up said statistics and then was shocked, shocked to find out that my "guess" was backed up with data...) That might work for a limited set of specific situations with a friend.

But even with a friend, if the pattern is constant and widespread and highly gendered, it's going to be hard to talk about it without referring to unconscious assumptions that exist in society along gendered lines. Mansplaining is often not really different from autistic nerdsplaining. (Let's be real: every member of every one of my social circles is bad about lecturing.) But a lot of "Why am I not gelling with this group?" stuff really is hard to talk about without this element.

There are also things that a person can easily absorb from the culture around them—like the massive quantities of body hate imposed on women—but there are others that usually come from an active teaching process. A lot of the feelings babysitter stuff is the latter. Learning to constantly monitor and manage the social scene is a pain in the ass, especially for the sorts of nerdy weirdos I know and am. Those hard-won skills didn't come from knowing we were women internally (if we even did think that): they came from family members very actively rewarding and punishing specific behaviors based on perceiving us as women. And because these learning processes are a pain in the ass, people who didn't have that inflicted on them in the past (or who weren't able to learn it back then) often don't go out of their way to conform as adults. That's the piece that I find most often creates drama around who's acting enough ~like a woman~ in some social space. Maybe this would be different if I mostly knew super socially savvy people, but I mostly know awkward nerds.

As you say, female social expectations are not kind to the cis autistic woman either.

[melrosing]

I really want sansa to meet brienne to see what she thinks of her. both bc she’ll meet the “true knight” she’s been praying for :’) and also bc brienne will challenge her views of women’s role in society. but what do you think brienne would think of sansa ?

yes i'm really looking forward to it too! I think I wrote something about this a couple years ago but their stories click together in such a sweet way.

Sansa entered the world thinking that beauty = virtue, and received such a harsh awakening that she's unsure whether there is any goodness left in the world. and Brienne has likewise insisted to herself that there is, and yet finds it's not always enough to defeat the horror of it all. I think in TWOW she's going to find herself in a similar position to a young Jaime, feeling somewhat nihilistic. I like the idea that their oath to Catelyn ultimately saves both Jaime and Brienne from this outlook - they both mean to see it fulfilled, no matter how bad things get.

so Sansa and Brienne kind of find each other at precisely the right time. Sansa is falling deeper into Littlefinger's machinations and losing sight of who she is, in the midst of all he wants her to be. life isn't so much a song anymore, but something more cynical. meanwhile Brienne is finding that the world is so much darker that she'd believed, and that good intentions aren't enough to save it.

but i think they can save each other in a way that noone else really could! where Brienne and Sansa have reminded Jaime and Sandor respectively that true knighthood exists, they're now at a point where they can remind one another of that.

Sansa will see again that true knighthood doesn't look as she once thought it did, but that it nonetheless exists. I think that through getting to know Brienne, she might also feel closer to Arya, realising that the differences between them aren't so great a chasm. Brienne's chafing with society might remind her of her sister too, and help her consider a different perspective so that there's a new openness when they meet again. and also I really really want Brienne to be able to tell Sansa how much Catelyn was thinking of her and how badly she wanted to be reunited.... like Sansa hasn't received any true empathy for the loss of her mother, and now here's Brienne who has mourned Cat herself and can offer true comfort to Sansa.... i cry

and then for Brienne's part, I really want Bri to have the satisfaction of knowing that she's fulfilling her oath to Cat, that she wasn't a fool to believe she could, and that in so doing she's found a girl who, though outwardly very different, is a lot like Bri herself. they both love songs and knights and want to believe the world is kind, and they can prove to each other that it is. and also Brienne has often experienced contempt from other girls and women (Cat was one of the few who didn't treat her with such), so I think it'll be nice for her to have a meaningful relationship with a new female character, and to feel accepted and respected by that person. idk I just feel like Sansa represents so much closure for Brienne and that they can really fortify each other.

that said I do think they'll initially be very confused and sceptical of each other lol, like Sansa is in disguise and has had to ally herself closely to Littlefinger, so she's going to struggle to open up to a stranger, much less go off with them. and Bri's going to wonder who the hell Alayne Stone is and also... apparently she's fine here in the Vale? i imagine lots of miscommunication where maybe Brienne has come all this way only for Sansa to be like... you can leave I have this under control.

but Brienne knows who Shadrich is so I imagine she can prove herself to Sansa by taking him out in some kind of mini boss, and then we know that GRRM's notes for AFFC said that Sansa will resolve at the end of her Vale arc to be Sansa Stark, and take the North. so can imagine Brienne helping her to return home, and secure Winterfell. the North will have lost the figurehead they'd believed to be Arya (but who was ofc Jeyne), who had kind of rallied them together... and I think Sansa's return will be where they find a new one out of left field. the kid they considered lost to the south, but who is returning north, maybe with the might of the Vale to help secure it once more. idk.

in any case, I've believed that Brienne and Jaime holding the two halves of Ice represent the fact that they will be helping to secure Winterfell again, and the futures of the Stark children. have said before that I do not see Brienne as a perpetual bodyguard for any Stark kid, but restoring them is a big part of her role for the remaining two books imo. I'd really like to see her meet Arya as well, I think the two will have really great rapport.

anyway that was a long answer but yeah in short. im excited about them.

[rayroseu]

Some Crowley and Lilia Parallels(?)

?? am i reaching here but doesn't "Crowley searching for a way for Yuu to go home" similar to "Lilia searching for a way for Malleus to hatch"?lol

like they both travel to far away places to search for clues to solve their younglings' problem and both Malleus/Yuu are frustrated whenever they're gone for their travels, Crowley/Lilia can't find a logical explanation why they're taking so long solving their problem too (like how Lilia foolishly trust wishes to make a dragon egg hatch bcs its just impossible to find another dragon and how Crowley seems like he's being lazy because he truly doesn't know how to transport a human back to another world) even though they're the person best suited to solve Malleus/Yuu's problem (crowley being the manager of orientation so he definitely must know(?) where the students came from and lilia being the only person Meleanor told that he'll hatch Malleus) also both of them are quite detached by how much Malleus/Yuu depends on them (by that i mean they leave them alone too much and lack communication with them even though theyre the person who took them under their wing)

They also have a habit of surprising people by falling from the sky (like Crowley's animation during special lessons and how Lilia always appears upside down to scare people)

and the difference between their serious and goofy personality is striking (like General Lilia with his mean attitude and deep voice vs Peepaw Lilia and then Prologue Crowley w his ominous vibe and again deeper than usual voice vs Weird Headmage Crowley).

Also idk if this means anything but they're also the characters with the most unique voices in-game, and im unsure about this too but i think their speech patterns both uses old english phrases yet still maintaining a modern pattern (to fit with the youths yk) and they both have "groups of bats/crows" surrounding them and serving as their only motif-- which makes me think both of them have familiars????

also both of them have "minimal magic usage"..... Crowley really doesn't casts any magic atleast in-game (but in other TWST media Crowley casts basic magic) and we know how Lilia is losing his magic because he exhausted it for hatching a dragon egg- Both of their (potential) twisted Disney characters (Bat goon and Diablo/Diaval) have a role in searching for Aurora too (I remember the Bat goon and co. was originally the ones tasked to search for Aurora but he failed so the task was passed to Diablo instead, and Diaval bcs he discovered that King Stefan had a daughter which raged Maleficent in the live action-)

I'm pertaining that if Crowley is Levan,,,, then these similarities would point out to the fact that [Lilia and Levan were always together](than Meleanor did) to the point where they kind of adapted each other's qualities, even if centuries pass-- Also TWST likes mirroring the "knights" of this game (i.e Silver and Sebek, Deuce and Ace), Lilia and Levan were Right and Left Generals (knights), so it kinda explains why they're having similar struggles and similar life pattern(?) (like babysitting an unprecedented child amidst their independent life and being hit with an important problem that is "impossible to solve")

so In conclusion?? did Meleanor cursed her generals to be eternally struggle babysitting troubled children?? XD

totally reaching here-- if Crowley is Levan and his life truly is similar to Lilia's,,, then then does that mean he cut his hair like Lilia's ???? 😳 bcs think about it,,,, all the Briar Valley characters we got has long hair (Meleanor, Baul, and Gen. Lilia) so does that mean if we do get a reveal of Crowley/Levan,,, we'll see Crowley with a longer hair as Levan- ✨🙏

If that's true,,, atleast Levan's hairstyle as Crowley wasn't a chaotic job like Lilia's,,,, LOL it kinda matches their description that Levan is more prim and proper KDHWKHD atleast as Crowley, Levan is actually attempting fashion instead of randomly matching whatever like Lilia 😭 also didn't Crowley had a tangent about his very specific food taste when asking for souvenir(GloMas Event)?? which hits the nail about Lilia's complaint about Meleanor and Levan being picky eaters lol

[running-with-the-feels]

I give you even further self loathing Kuai Liang, whose self esteem is so low that he when he inevitably was able to ressurt Bi-Han, due to what Noob said to him all those years ago about them not being brothers. kuai Liang has become to believe those were Bi-Han’s true feelings, as while he knows Noob is a twisted form of Bi-Han, there has to be truth in that for Noob to admit it so. Anyway, while Kuai Liang is still taking care of his brother, he distanced himself from Bi-Han, and not wanting to push Bi-Han to suddenly accept him as his brother again, leaves it be and becomes more professional with him.

ooooo I love this,

bc like, Kuai Liang does have very low self esteem for a lot of the time we spend with him. He thinks of himself as little more than a weapon or puppet for others.

Further, Bi-Han and Hanzo are both referred to as Wraiths, and seem to be very similar entities during that period. Since Kuai Liang knows that Hanzo was fundamentally himself, if a very impulsive and angry version of himself, it makes sense to me that Kuai Liang would assume that Bi-Han is the same.

But it's still his brother, and Bi-Han likely raised him while they were in the Lin Kuei, so he wants to save him, but it's hard to be around him. Kuai Liang is hurt by the thought that Bi-Han hates him, and he knows that protecting him made Bi-Han's life more difficult, so he's struggling with that.

Meanwhile, Bi-Han thinks Kuai Liang hates him for what he did and doesn't know how to fix it, bc he doesn't even know how to differentiate between what was real and what Quan Chi stuck in his head. Bi-Han wants nothing more than to have his little brother back, to be as they were before, but he's terrified that he might have ruined it, since Kuai Liang won't look at him.

So they're both struggling and afraid and it takes a while to figure that out

[butcharium]

Gym updates:

° I am actually..... enjoying this..? Especially strength training makes me happy! I've had the complete sicko sequence of thought and actions being "wow I feel so shitty today maybe I should work out that will help" - then actually gone to the gym - and it works

° I'd still rather eat glass than do running for any extended period of time tho, running does NOT spark joy for me

° I signed up with a PT, we actually work really well together and I feel like she gets me AND she's a fellow pcos girlie!! (Well that's actually maybe why she gets me)

° some of you might remember back in January (?) I met an older butch4butch couple at the gym and womaned up enough to ask for help with bench press! Well I've met them again!!! We randomly met at a market and they invited me to sit down with them and have a coffee!!!! And it was really nice!!! They also told me what days they go to HIT&strength classes at the gym but the one time I've been able to fit it into my own schedule neither of them were there and also I hated the class rip. Sometimes I do pass one or both on my way in and out of the gym tho which is always nice!

° I listen to the original Sherlock Holmes stories on audiobook, and keep this as a treat reserved for the gym. Now I only have a few short stories left! I loved these stories as a kid and would rummage through flea markets to find translations. Now I listen in English and they're just really funny and interesting and have made working out more enjoyable! Idk what to do when I finish tho. I guess I'll have to stop going to the gym or maybe just start from the top again.

° the sauna is currently out of order which is making the dip into the small cold pool after workout slightly less enjoyable. But I've been promised that it shall be back and running by next week (not true the other times I've been told this) but I hope that's the case bc I Love the Sauna, and I enjoy that there's a space where you can just be naked and introverted with strangers (or on your own).

° net positive in my life! I think it is contributing to my being a bit more up-beat and energized, or at least less tired, in my day to day life. I am one who needs structures, but I struggle with implementing them, and the gym has actually been one of the few things I've been able to keep up, and it helps me structure my week!

°EDIT: how could I forget?? My knees are doing much better!!!

(I still appreciate any tips any of you would have regarding the gym or exercises or experiences etc!!)

[spinnysocks]

random lion guard outlanders hc's! :3

under the cut because Long Post time :D

after the defeat of scar and jasiri becoming queen, she reformed and reconstructed the volcano. her clan (but mostly her) remade it into a more positive space where the outlanders could meet. jasiri makes everyone go to a mandatory summit there lmao

while she's working on it she tells all of the outlanders they can go there anytime to talk to her, but everyone's either too full of pride or don't know her well enough at that point to do so lol. eventually some of them suck it up. no matter the past, jasiri strives to become friends with all of them, not just their queen. she's sweet

i feel like after janja's clan joins jasiri's, janja might still want an important role, but boy does everyone know it's not gonna be lead hunter or anything lmao. i actually feel like he'd be a real good caretaker/pupsitter while most of the clan is out hunting, but he does enjoy patrolling around their territory and the outlands every now and then despite basically being banned from hunting lmao

i saw from a hc from a post once (can't find it atm) that mzingo joins jasiri and janja in hunting! i think that's cute because it's like a 'raven helping wolf for the benefit of both' dynamic. i love jasiri and mzingo's alliance/friendship so much. i'd even go as far to say what mzingo is to jasiri is a bit like what zazu is to simba, except mzingo still has his parliament to care for so he's not always around. but still

this one may be a tiny bit ooc... but i think it'd be so funny if jasiri forced the henchmen & goigoi to make a 'Sorry For Plotting To Eat You' party for thurston. it's funny bc he's still completely oblivious like, "but you DIDN'T eat me, right?" and they just choose not to remind him that the guard had to save him from them 💀 even funnier that it's barely a party and more of a formal apology yet he still has a good time

the skinks, ushari, sumu and kenge are their own friend group. they all say they hate one another, but they care about each other more than anyone :)

each of them used to live in different spots all over the outlands but then they all ended up living the cave(?) equivalent of Right Next Door, likely after scar was destroyed and the outlands reformed. njano is the sorta guy to walk into any of their homes uninvited in the middle of the night and ask if they're awake bc shupavu ain't gonna put up with her roommate's late night questions/antics lmao

since the crocs are... not the best at showing their true feelings, every month or so kiburi and his float bring a big catch to the other outlanders as a sign of their alliance... and also to show off a bit. for the hyenas, jackals and vultures who live primarily off of small things, it's like the equivalent of a massive turkey dinner. the crocs used to just Straight Up Leave as soon as they gave the food, but they're learning to stick around

in fact staying for those 'dinners' was how tamka came up with the idea to get something out of his passion for acting. he notices madoa, reirei and goigoi struggling with wema, tunu, dogo and kijana. he's like, "hey, wait... if we're bringin' them food for bein' nice... maybe i can get somethin' in return for entertaining the little ones!" and thus, from that day on, he became a pup sitter!

and you know what? he's actually really good at it! the pups can't tell/don't really care whether he's "acting" or not, cause tamka is the best climbing frame they've ever had in their LIFE. credit to @devilsrecreation once again for inspiring this, especially of tamka giving piggyback rides! i imagine nduli kinda gets in on the fun of entertaining the kiddos too while kiburi and neema glance at each other from the sidelines wondering how they got to this point of their float playing with pups 😭

i imagine at some point a river that runs the small amount of water that goes into the outlands suddenly stops, and jasiri brings like everyone with her to go find out what happened. most of them are pretty reluctant to leave the outlands at all, but they can't survive without the water for long, especially the crocs. so they're all forced on this big trip for their survival. i guess this would be the outlanders version of 'the journey to the tree of life'

in reference to this au, nduli leads the way as shenzi is guiding him! i like the idea that because the outlands are all kinds of animals- especially with a hyena in reign- he has the ability to see and talk to other species that are ghosts, or whatever mufasa is lol. ghost shenzi just shows up whenever she wants instead of nduli 'summoning' her and gives the most vague directions ever before she peaces out again. it drives nduli and jasiri into complete confusion and frustration about where the heck they're going lmao

also they're like halfway through the journey before janja even realises nduli is literally talking to his mom. it's probably a pretty bittersweet moment when nduli successfully summons shenzi so that she can talk to janja and the hyenas. banzai and ed greet them too :)

despite everyone's grumbles they get the water back, with many of them having to save one another from various perilous things, cuz bonding lol. i imagine they all get to put their skills to use too. also we all know the skinks would have to be saved the most cuz they're tiny little instigators

expect more of these. every time i think i'm done with all my ideas another one pops into my head lol

[allthecastlesonclouds]

i am thinking about your dance au. it has lived in my brain rent free always. love it. so good.

i am also always thinking about them. i'm so glad you're also enjoying them and i'm taking this as a prompt to make more of it (i want to so bad)

if the teacher has to leave the classroom, they'll most often put kristen or adaine in charge. with adaine everything goes fine. with kristen it's chaos incarnate that somehow (*riz) turns into them being productive by the time the teacher comes back

the kristen-and-fig combo has gotten at least 4 teachers fired.

they're not always trying to, but they pretty often are

fig specifically gets A Lot of spotlights in dances because she can be very Loud and Personable, but she has also had these spotlights taken away many times (she simply begins improving shit)

she got a solo this year because aguefort was a little bitch, knew gorgug wanted a solo, and so offered it to his best friend instead of him

ayda did not know this was her father's reasoning.

she just thought if was because fig's a good dancer (she is)

fabian and fig are The Flexible Ones™ and aren't. vocal about it, but they certainly aren't subtle, either. teachers have had to tell them to not make their splits too good.

riz is also pretty flexible, but his stature makes it less obvious. when your friends are all at least 2 feet taller than you your grande battement doesn't look as good.

fabian drags fig in early one day and asks her to do some improv with him bc he wants to try out for a swing dancing tournament, they have the time of their life.

gorgug and ayda often practice two different dances in the same room at the same time.

adaine and riz are the best technically, but they do struggle a lot with the acting part of it. walking into a class you'd expect the most awkward to be gorgug, but they were both trained on ballet-smile-fixed-on-your-face-at-all-times and so any acting at all is. extra practice for them

speaking of gorgug he's so quietly good. he can act and he knows the steps and he has good balance and good flexibility so. he's just good. but he's not loud about it, and the teachers don't often point it out

he writes the steps down before practicing throughout the week

riz makes tutorial videos for kristen (or for anyone if they miss a class) to help her learn and remember the steps. he says he likes doing it. nobody's 100% sure on that's true. (including him)

aelwyn and baron dance at the same studio (across town)

penelope originally danced at both and then she had a little scandal where she was blackmailing a teacher and she couldn't dance at either bc her father couldn't pay aguefort to cover it up

aelwyn starts working at aguefort's but refuses to teach anyone besides the ages 9-13 because "they're little shits and i need someone to tell me just what they're thinking, adaine."

zayn is inexplicably sometimes where ayda is. they're never in the same place at once but zayn just. appears. when ayda needs/wants to go do something and rawlins for some reason isn't there.

garthy runs an swing dancing studio that is also a pole dancing studio! bob does swing dancing trixie does pole dancing

[humanoidtyphoons]

finished cursed princess club!!!! SO wholesome!!!

-imo, i still really like all the arranged marriage ships, so my headcanon is that even if the engagements are broken, they get back together at a later date anyway, once blaine resolves his issues and maybe visits a certain monastary. i do think lorena/lance/suzie happens.

-i still don't really like leopold/jamie as a ship? i really tried, and i just... don't see it working out, even if i like jamie falling for leopold! i still can't figure out why i don't like leopold returning those feelings??? all of princesses' romances had such fun manic energy to them, but that was also them finding common ground... whereas jamie's fun manic energy kind of just... worked negatively on leopold, so from leopold's perspective, yeah, i can see him loving jamie as a friend, but more than that, i'm just... not convinced.

-i'm still v. surprised that leland didn't declare his unrequited love for jackie tbh??? to me, he's been in love with jackie for such a long time, marrying isolde only because jackie/lilyth were going to get married too. whatever, i'm still v. charmed by them, and i think they could work it out after some relationship councilling or whatever, what's a couple of revenge schemes among friends and potential incest implications with the whole plaid/pastel marriages happenings.

-i imagine prez/whitney get back together. he may not be rich, but she bears him four children anyway, and they're beautiful together.

-not sold on aurelia/cronis. i liked aurelia's redemption storyline, and her reading the diary when prez told her not to. but... didn't care about her dating life. i do kind of wish she had more panels with her bestie tho.

-monika/orson cute as hell!

-thought i was going to get some syrah/saffron declarations of love, and well... so sad that didn't happen!!!!! oh well, at least i get them both admitting that they had crushes on each other at different points of the story!

-loved the witch having a friendship with lilyth!!!!! so cute!!!!!

-lobsters are eternal in their love for each other!!!!! super adorable that he went and got himself cursed too bc he missed her so much!!!!

-i do love that gwen is gwen's true love. she broke the curse. she learned to love herself whole again. and sure, she has days that she struggles, but... she is surrounded by people she loves.

-i'm so glad bozart did nothing wrong in his life, ever. and went on to live happily ever after with his clown posse.

-i love how intricately plotted everything came to be!!! it was so well done!!!

-i'm gonna miss the chaos. it got so chaotic and so fun so quickly!!!

-truer words have never been said with live, laugh, love, laverne.

[elizmanderson]

queerness in The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher

book description

when you’re an old woman armed with nothing but gumption and knitting needles, stopping a sorcerer from wiping out an entire dragon-fighting organization is a tall order. no one understands why 83-year-old Edna Fisher is the Chosen One, destined to save the Knights from a dragon-riding sorcerer bent on their destruction. after all, Edna has never handled a magical weapon, faced down a dragon, or cast a spell. and everyone knows the Council of Wizards always chooses a teenager—like the vengeful girl ready to snatch Edna’s destiny from under her nose.

still, Edna leaps at the chance to leave the nursing home. with a son long dead in the Knights’ service, she’s determined to save dragon-fighters like him & ensure other mothers don’t suffer the same loss she did. but as Edna learns about the abuse in the ranks & the sorcerer’s history, she questions if it’s really the sorcerer that needs stopping—or the Knights she’s trying to save.

find it here

okay let's talk about queerness in this book

did a thread on twitter in which I said "cishet" five hundred thousand times so will probably get banned lmao but anyway I wanted to share it here too

especially since it's late in Pride Month and I have yet to post anything anywhere about it BEING Pride Month and me being queer and my books being queer, bc I've been burnt out af. so what energy I've had has gone toward planning and writing

anyway

I say "queerness in" rather than "queer characters in" because I want to talk about queerness in the book more broadly, not least bc I'm a queer creator & this is a queer book, but I've had a lot of impostor syndrome about both those things.

I figured out I was queer later in life & am a woman-presenting person w/a male-presenting partner. I've questioned my gender & sexuality repeatedly & ID'd differently over time, which is why I like "queer." I don't have to re-explain myself a dozen times. I'm queer. that's that.

but having figured out my queerness later, and having a relationship that presents as cishet, it took a long time for me to overcome feelings of ~not being queer enough~ (and sometimes I still struggle with them).

similarly, my MC is an apparently* cishet woman, unlike the MCs of many books that appear on queer book lists at this time of year. just like I took a long time to start really engaging with my community bc I worried I wasn't ~queer enough,~ for a long time, I didn't call this a queer book bc I worried it wasn't ~queer enough~. if people asked if the book was queer, I'd reply with a laundry list of explicitly queer characters rather than saying yes

fuck that though lmao. this is a queer book. let me count the ways

1. found family

as found family is so important to many queer people - by connecting us to our community, by welcoming us when bio family casts us off - found family is central to REMARKABLE RETIREMENT. while there are queer romantic arcs, the found family is the most important relationship in the book.

2. queer labels

some characters get explicit labels. Benjamin is gay. Clem is ace. queer labels are important bc they give us the ability to describe our identities and experiences! however...

3. undefined queerness

while labels are important, queerness isn't about fitting into new boxes. it's about smashing the boxes apart.

even if characters don't have specific labels applied on-page, they're queer. they don't need to claim a specific label for that to be true.*

*caveat that some media avoids using labels to pander to queer audiences w/implied queerness without ~alienating~ cishets by stating "this character is Not Cishet"**

that's not what I mean

I mean e.g. in OFMD queerness is inherent even if WORDS like queer/ace/etc aren't used. OMitB is another example (specifically Mabel) and Good Omens is yet another.

**caveat to my caveat that some media is queer-coded & avoids queer labels rather than being explicitly queer because network execs or whoever won't allow explicit queerness.

this is not the fault of the creators. sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference.

but anyway.

in REMARKABLE RETIREMENT, several queer characters are queer without using specific labels.

in some cases this is bc it doesn't come up or isn't important to them to express in the moment. like Clem is bi, but she's not worried about being bi. she's worried about being ace, because she's still kind of questioning that about herself, and she's worried it might cause problems down the road if her crush is >:[ about her not wanting to have sex. so she uses the word "ace" to describe herself in this scene but not "bi," even though she's both.

in other cases it's bc they don't have the language. Kiernan's sense of attraction and desire is described in a way that seems graysexual or demisexual (or both), and Red's sense of desire is described in a way that seems ace-spec, but neither of them use those terms, because neither of them know those terms. despite the lack of terminology, many ace readers have identified multiple ace characters based on description or experience. the lack of a specific label doesn't make those characters less queer.

similarly, some characters have not yet had this realization about themselves. which leads us to...

4. questioning

okay, back to my first asterisk of the post.

Edna is by all appearances an old cishet woman.

for most of the story, that's how she seems. that's what SHE thinks, even. she's a cishet old grandma adopting every queer young person she can find.

BUT THEN

Clem explains aceness to her

and Edna has a brief crisis bc wait a minute this sounds like her??

ultimately, Edna has too much to worry about right now to spend time questioning whether, at the age of 83, she might be somewhere on the ace spectrum

so it doesn't come up again

but that moment of crisis is THERE, & that too is queer

5. queernormativity*

I write queernorm worlds, largely bc I viscerally hate coming out lmao

it doesn't mean everyone's a queer scholar

like Clem has to explain "ace" to Edna, bc Edna thinks blankly of a deck of cards & doesn't understand what that has to do with sex

but it DOES mean queer folks get to just be and do

*caveat that this is not remotely to imply that a story is less queer if its world ISN'T queernorm

it's just a way in which MY story is queer

6. all the queer characters

not gonna do a list (even though my original idea for Pride Month when I was young and optimistic and thought I'd have energy to do it way back when was a list of queer characters), but virtually every character in this book is queer in one way or another

on twitter this is where I ended because 6 seemed like a good number for Pride since June is the sixth month, but tumblr gets a bonus

7. the author is queer

happy pride, buy my queer book

[kustas]

dagda and olruggio for the aak game!

My first impression

Dagda: I actually don't remember! I don't think I paid much attention to him at first. He's very much an npc with little personality in the first chapters he appears in

Olruggio: hello handsome followed by woah. Here comes a true hater

My impression now

Dagda: very underrated character, I really like him but I'm not sure if at this point it's the character or my interpretation of him I like most! I used to have a lot of headcanons about his past who all got disproven by the story but I still think a lot about what he'd have been up to before plot beats, and what he's like as a person.

Olruggio: I'm fond of him! Goofy and endearing, really good foil to Qifrey, and nice with the girls....:) he's also a very relatable character to me, in many ways! And his design goes extremely hard

Favorite thing about that character

Dagda: how he views his relationship with his son. It's tragic but loving at once, that he sees him as his biggest triumph and the only worthwhile thing he's done in his life. If only you knew how highly your little guy thinks of you...

Olruggio: as mentioned before I share a lot of his personality traits and it's relaxing to me to see him portrayed as sympathetic for it. I also really like his place in the story, as someone with good contacts in witch society and legal obligations, his position as the Eye brings both tension to the story and real nice hints of world building elements

Least favorite thing

Dagda: hard to tell because he doesn't have a lot of screentime tbh. I wish he did not get murked because it feels distasteful to give Custas this much trouble when he's already struggling enough. But that's not really about Dagda isn't it

Olruggio: how he's reduced to blushy tsundere for fandom tropes' sake. He is those things but he is more than that

Favorite line/scene

Dagda: Either the monologue where he talks about Cus being the only good deed he's done, or the short flashback where he's spared by the musicians after accepting they were going to kill him

Olruggio: I struggled to pick, but I'm gonna say, the moment he finds the disabled kid in the street. It's such a good scene in terms of drama and in relation to the wider themes of the series

Favorite interaction that character has with another

Dagda: When he replies to his boy begging him to abandon him with a silent hug and wet puppy eyes

Olruggio: Previously mentioned scene with the lil kid, how he snaps at Agott during the river rescue mission, his tense little staircase moment with Utowin

A character that I wish that character would interact with more

Dagda: of the ones he's interacted with previously : Lulucy, Olruggio, Coco. His interactions with adult witches are interesting because of the balance of power. I could write an essay about his relationship with Lulucy just based on that alone! With Oru, it's because I believe they have a lot in common and could actually get along well. With Coco, I find endearing how gentle it is to her, and given she mostly knows him as a father and her own dad died when she was very young, it might be cool to see how that goes.

Of the ones he has not interacted with previously, I am begging mentally for him to spend a significant amount of time with one of the Wise Three, the king, or both - to contrast between the leaders of their respective societies, and a guy who is the lowest of the low in said societies. Also I really want a world where he hangs out with the atelier girlies and they get to bother him

Olruggio: of the characters he's interacted with: all the girlies...especially Riche and Agott. He's less...overtly affectionate? Than Qifrey, more frank and snappy but it feels like they like him for that. Dagda as previously mentioned. Beldaruit bc their interactions were rly funny lol

Of the characters he's not interacted with yet: Lagler, because they're both witches who work with unknowings with strong moral compasses. Ininia, because I want to see him react to a kid who's unapologetically in his opposing faction. Atwert, because given that guy's current situation and his own empathy it would bring up lots of interesting elements I feel

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

Dagda: they have nothing in common personality wise but lots of contextual parallels with a character I adored as a kid, Dustfingers

Olruggio: as previously established, Me from Real Life (jk. I couldn't find a good one for him)

A headcanon about that character

Dagda: I think he's a very meek and submissive man who's seen a lot of shit but has never tried to fight against it properly. Haven't decided yet if it's because he's a pessimist or just doesn't care. Also I think he's not very clever

Olruggio: That one's basically confirmed but I like to imagine he gets wooed a lot even by unknowings, and absolutely hates it LOL

A song that reminds of that character

Dagda: Corvus Corax - La i Mbealtaine. It's my voice claim for him, and given he's named after a Celtic god and he's a minstrel, a gaelic song made from a medieval poem feels fitting

Olruggio: can't think of one ;_;

An unpopular opinion about that character

Dagda: nobody ever talks about this bloke lol there are no popular opinions. I'm the only one. Hello. Hi

Olruggio: I'm not denying there's something kinda gay in the air in that Atelier but the fandom's accepted romantic pairing of him and Qifrey feels completely OOC. It would not be a nice sweet relationship, Qifrey is a sneaky elusive man with deep rooted trust issues and Oru strongly corrects him. I think they have deep affection for each other that manifests in commitment and boundaries but that their actual communication is entraves by both their personalities and that in their current state at least they would never enter a traditional relationship

Favorite picture

Dagda: this panel bc it's closets to how I draw him/imagine his face! He's got some cute panels too tho

Olruggio: yes it's not in the manga but man. Unmatched swag and the details are so sweet. U know crumbs fly off when he sits up. I could NOT find the full pic but you need to know he's wearing fuckass flipflops with this fit

[redhead-reporter]

º ✧ 。updates to mj's insomniac canon !

PLEASE ONLY READ IF YOU'VE FINISHED SM2 OR ARE OK WITH SPOILERS (and don't click on my blog either, bc my banner image is a spoiler too)

º ✧ 。yes, it's true - everyone's favorite journalist told jameson to, and i quote "KISS MY ASS" and quit her job at the bugle. no paycheck is worth writing things she doesn't believe in to appease a man she DESPISES. she is now the host of a new podcast called the new normal and occasionally helps peter with administrative work for the emily may foundation º ✧ 。unless otherwise specified ? mj lives in the house in queens with peter. once she got her security deposit back and they sold all her apartment furniture, they used the funds to do a few cosmetic changes - nothing TOO crazy, since they want the house to still feel like itself. but a fresh coat of paint (that they did themselves with a liiiiiittle help from pete's spiderbots), money to repair the broken front window, and a new big bed for the primary bedroom went a LONG way to making it feel like home º ✧ 。mj was always a BADASS, but now it's official - hell yeah she was trained by silver sable while in symkaria, learning not only the language but how to FIGHT (aka drop mfers in close combat with an upgraded stun gun) and ride a motorcycle. though she doesn't plan on entering any amateur boxing matches, both she and peter feel a LOT better about her having the proper tools to defend herself if anything else should happen º ✧ 。mj visits harry at LEAST once a week, sometimes more if she can swing it. she updates him on how life is going, plays new episodes of her podcast before they release to 'get his opinion', reads him books - anything just to keep TALKING to him, to not give up on the hope that one day he'll open his eyes and answer her º ✧ 。of COURSE she has nightmares about the symbiote - feeling like she's still being chased through the tunnel in the dark, feeling those tendrils wrap around her ankle and drag her across the floor, waking in a cold sweat CONVINCED she got consumed by it once more and screaming to be released. who wouldn't? unfortunately seeing a professional therapist isn't exactly in the FREELANCE budget she and pete are on these days, but they do have each other. they're both open and honest about their STRUGGLES and it makes the whole thing easier. º ✧ 。speaking of NIGHTMARES - peter literally dying in her arms? yeah, it's up there vying for top spot on the REPLAYS list. sometimes she can still hear the speech he gave her, how he tried to apologize and say his goodbyes, and it makes her physically ILL. if you thought she was defensive of him before? needy before? LOL MEET NEW AND TRAUMATIZED MJ she quite literally never lets go of him if she can help it º ✧ 。pete might've stepped back from suiting up, but he and mj are still VERY MUCH on team spidey - right now it's mostly in a support role, having miles and ganke (and hailey and rio sometimes) over to the house as often as they can. occassionally they talk shop, trading insights the couple has from their almost DECADE of experience with pete wearing the suit solo, but honestly? mostly it's just to talk about life - how high school/college is going, always feeding the BROKE students like they wish someone would've done for them. taking care of pete's little brother like FAMILY. º ✧ 。when coney island reopened? pete and mj waited HOURS in line to make sure they were two of the first people to ride the speed demon - it's STILL her favorite ride, after all. and YES this is fucking important information to know get away from me