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anghraine · 1 year ago

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In honor of getting notes on my old Jyn/lesbian!Cassian post, I thought I'd finally post the revised version of the story's finale! This part was originally a gift for master enabler @ladytharen <3

title: whatever we deny or embrace verse: queer Rogue One/f!Cassian AU (6/6) characters: Cassian Andor, Jyn Erso; Baze Malbus, Bodhi Rook, Chirrut Îmwe; Jyn/Cassian, background Baze/Chirrut stuff that happens: After five years of ups and down through the war, Jyn makes a decision about her future with Cassia. previous sections: prologue, part one, part two, part three, part four

PART FIVE

“You know,” said Jyn, flopping into the co-pilot’s seat, “we’re probably not going to die.”

Cassia’s attention lifted from a quintuple-check of her flight calculations. She always repeatedly confirmed the calculations, even though after five years together, the entire team knew she could make them on the fly, at near-impossible speeds. As far as they could tell, though, she didn’t use it as a distraction. It was just the usual paranoia that had kept her alive this long.

“Probably,” she agreed, with one of the faint, warm smiles she reserved for Jyn. “It’s a simple—”

“I don’t mean this operation,” said Jyn. “I mean at all, until …” She didn’t believe in jinxes, but until we’re old felt like tempting fate. She settled for, “It could be years. Decades. The odds are for it.”

She was twenty-eight years old. Only now had it struck her that she might see thirty.

-----

Two years after Jyn kissed Cassia on a shadowed turbolift, they had settled into something. Lovers, Jyn supposed, though it didn’t sound right. She only ever thought of Cassia as “Cassia,” and sometimes “she,” a she that eclipsed every other one. Cassia was the senior operative partnered with Jyn; she was Jyn’s closest friend; she was the person who trailed her hands and mouth all over Jyn’s body, painstakingly learning it; and she was the person who cared more about Jyn’s welfare than anyone left breathing.

Jyn didn’t care less than Cassia. She knew that, and flew into quiet fury the few times anyone suggested otherwise.

Cassia wasn’t among those anyones, and yet Jyn sometimes thought she believed them. Or believed the same thing. Jyn cared so much that she had once fled from it for weeks, choking on the blur of affection and need and snarling protectiveness. Cassia never understood why, even after.

A full year and a half had passed since Jyn stumbled into an incoherent attempt at reconciliation that Cassia easily accepted. These things always appeared that bit easier for her; Cassia accepted her own feelings, whether for the Rebellion or Jyn, as compulsory and immutable. In fact, she seemed to care for Jyn in very much the same way that she did the Rebellion—no sudden jabs nor expectation of reward, just a truth that pervaded every cell and breath.

Jyn couldn’t be like that about anything. Moments passed when she didn’t think of Cassia at all, for no other reason than that she was preoccupied with something unrelated. But the smallest things could bring her to mind, at times so intensely that Jyn would have bled to have her near.

For Jyn, caring could never be something all but willing itself into existence, strengthened by respect and liking but independent of them, a star on its own path. She couldn’t be Cassia. For her, it was thought and heart and action, felt for reasons and chosen for reasons. She’d chosen Cassia, for better or worse.

Cassia did seem happy—occasionally lonely, and shyer than Jyn would have anticipated, but she lit up over small things at unexpected moments, and lavished a high-strung affection on Jyn when she thought it welcome. In all honesty, it took Jyn a good while to recognize Cassia’s worrying and periodic lectures as affection, rather than the chiding they would have meant from Saw, or demands from suspect allies, afterwards.

Once she realized what they meant, she … well, she didn’t mind that much, now knowing why Cassia insisted on running through mission objectives so many times, or complained about Jyn’s fringe diminishing her range of vision, or went on about Jyn needing higher caloric intake, as if she had any room to talk.

But Cassia took just as long to distinguish unwelcome from confused. Beyond that, she seemed to observe Jyn almost like a droid at times, as if recording and categorizing moments for later perusal. It felt a little as if she were hoarding for a long winter, unlike Jyn, who returned to her because she decided that she’d rather live in what moments she had than bleakly survive.

Jyn didn’t say love, or often think it. That wasn’t her; she never could reduce her feelings to words. But when she did think it, the awareness seemed to blast through her entire body, Cassia and I love you filling her mouth like electricity.

-----

The worst, the absolute worst, was early on—when Jyn turned away from Cassia a few months after their return from Scarif, and Cassia promptly withdrew from everyone. She didn’t do it the way that Jyn had withdrawn from her, but in a strange and awful Cassia way where she turned as uniformly pleasant in Rebellion bases as she was undercover. Cassia even smiled politely at Han Solo when she delivered a message from the princess, to whom he wasn’t speaking at the time.

“I’ll be damned if she orders me around,” he grumbled afterwards.

“She’s a commander,” said Jyn. “It’s in the job description.”

He blinked at her. “She’s a general, but that doesn’t mean—”

“No, she isn’t. She’s a commander.”

They stared blankly at each other for a moment. Then Solo’s disgruntled face cracked into a smile—not smarmy the way he could sometimes be, just amused.

“I was talking about the princess,” he said. His voice lightened further. “Is Andor sick or something? She was almost nice that time.”

Jyn’s opinion of him jolted upwards. Apart from Baze and Chirrut, hardly anybody else seemed to notice the oddity in Cassia’s behavior at all, except as a sudden good mood. All the while, Jyn’s own dismay escalated, the flat misery of I loved you, I miss you climbing to no, I love you, I didn’t want this, I was afraid but it’s not what you think, I love you.

It was a rough nine weeks.

In fairness, it would have been five weeks if not for Cassia running away. Technically, she accepted a brief solo operation from Draven—otherwise known as running away. And then "complications arose," whatever that meant (classified), and something that should have lasted nine days took four and half weeks, while Jyn tried to ignore Baze’s sullen fretting and believe Chirrut’s assurances that Cassia was alive and healthy.

She’d wondered, back then, if Cassia even knew she had people worrying about her.

Sometimes she wondered if Cassia knew it now. She certainly looked surprised every time Baze or Jyn implied they’d be around her in the future, if they all lived. She always had seemed surprised at that, even before the hellish separation. But then, Jyn couldn’t have said she didn’t feel the same.

Oh, Jyn rarely dwelt on the idea of losing Cassia, hardly allowed for the possibility. It was a possibility, of course. Cassia might abandon her, as so many others had done—but Jyn feared that less than she would have expected. Before they so much as kissed, Cassia had proven herself beyond anything Jyn could have imagined, or wanted. The weight of Cassia’s half-broken body, the scent and sight of her blood, still wafted into Jyn’s memory and dreams. More probable than another betrayal, much more probable, was—

She steadied a ragged breath.

Cassia didn’t lack self-preservation, as such. As long as her every breath served the Rebellion, or Jyn, she would fight for them. Not for herself, though she didn’t want to die—nothing for herself, frustratingly. It didn’t seem calculated risk so much as some fundamental quality of her being. If her death meant the Rebellion’s survival, so be it; if her death meant Jyn’s survival, so be that.

It was hard to believe Cassia would outlive the war.

Jyn’s odds probably weren’t good, either, but it seemed different to her. She was reckless and determined, not sacrificial. Without difficulty, she could admit to herself that she wanted this or that. Only with the Partisans had she ever thought I want and not reached for it, and then only because she wanted Saw’s approval more. She might have dedicated her life to the cause, but that life mattered beyond it, mattered because it was hers and she wanted to live.

She probably wouldn’t. Probably, they would die together, and Jyn felt a certain consolation in that. And if she did live—she’d tried not to think of it, hadn’t ever followed this track of thoughts so far—if she did survive, she might well survive Cassia. Very likely survive Cassia.

The realization came as a hot jolt in her chest that crackled into her throat and gut. But her cheeks and hands chilled, despite the heavy evening air, as if the flash of panic had drawn its warmth from her skin. More bizarrely still, she was neither alone with her thoughts nor in any particular danger, just eating dinner in the mess hall.

Her food abruptly passed from unappetizing to nauseating. No, Jyn decided. No need to look for trouble when they already had so much of it. If that day came, she’d face it then. If it didn’t, she’d … not face it, she supposed. It was hard to imagine surviving.

But if they did, maybe they’d find their way, eventually.

-----

The day that Cassia turned thirty, they all celebrated.

It wasn’t a birthday celebration, really. Cassia’s official date of birth came from the combination of a) her stated age and month of birth upon entering the Rebellion, b) conversions of Fieste’s calendars to Standard, and c) a randomly selected number. She hadn’t known the exact day at six, so she didn’t know it now, and the droid-generated birthday held little significance for any of them.

Still, the recognition did mean something, their ranking leader’s record switching from Age: 29 to Age: 30. It meant more with the unspoken—unspeakable—knowledge that they might well see her, and all of them, live for much longer than that. They might survive.

“To living!” Bodhi cried, lifting his bottle of Corellian ale. He’d acquired good quality alcohol through what he termed my contacts, which Jyn was pretty sure meant I asked Luke and he asked Solo. But it was just them, tonight.

The rest of the team raised their own bottles.

“To living,” they repeated, and with satisfying clinks, gulped down their first mouthfuls of ale.

They’d made the gathering about all of them, thought of it as about all of them, but Cassia looked flushed anyway. Maybe it was the ale. Maybe it was just a change in the light. Or maybe it came from the long gaze Cassia and Jyn exchanged as everyone laughed at something Chirrut had said, and Jyn’s eyes lingered on her.

That wasn’t Jyn’s fault. Cassia almost never smiled fully unless Jyn did it first, or kissed her, but when she died, Cassia would dip her head with a sudden press of dimples, and glance through her eyelashes in a way that Jyn considered a personal affront. She had to force herself to look back at Chirrut.

They all allowed themselves the time to celebrate into early the next morning, gossiping about various Alliance spats, toasting variations on the Empire’s dying and we’re alive, ha, and speculating about everything from which planets would join them next to Chirrut’s concerns about Princess Leia’s pregnancy. Among themselves, Jyn and Cassia considered it careless and surprisingly irresponsible, but it wasn’t their business, and tonight, they didn’t care.

Even after this many years, Jyn could hardly believe herself, contentedly drinking in public, pressed up against the arm of a person she’d shared a bed with for five years, eager to hear five friends talking about nothing of significance.

For herself, she couldn’t remember any urge towards speech in her life, or at least her life from the moment that she huddled silently in her parents’ hideout. But she liked to listen to the others’ conversations.

All of them, really. Chirrut with his mantras, Baze with his grumbles. Bodhi muttering nervously or irritably or, more often these days, mildly. K-2SO prognosticating, even. Cassia’s low replies to this or that, or Cassia charming their way out of trouble, or Cassia—Jyn tried not to think about it just then, but Jyn, Jyn, please, Jyn echoed through her mind, and so did the memories of lying in a haze afterwards, listening to soft, murmured words she couldn’t understand.

Cassia also whispered in Alderaanian when she woke Jyn out of nightmares and tried to get her to wind down. It helped, hearing Cassia’s voice without any need or possibility of comprehension. And Cassia used it during her own difficulties. She got lost, sometimes, in her head. Not often, and never anywhere but alone with Jyn in hyperspace, the only time she felt truly safe.

She’d said that much to Jyn, and Jyn silently, expressionlessly basked in it. And Jyn also liked listening to her when—

Well. Often.

That morning, after they finally retired to their quarters, Jyn waited for Cassia to switch on the lights and silently evaluated how tired she was. A little, not too much.

Without warning, Jyn tackled her and pinned her to the wall.

Cassia laughed. “Jyn, what the—”

Although Jyn didn’t much trust herself with words, they did serve their basic function of saying more than her face could.

“We’re alive,” she whispered, and leaned up, releasing Cassia’s left wrist long enough to slip a hand into her hair. Then she trailed her fingertips down Cassia’s cheek to her throat, lightly resting a thumb over her pulse.

Actions said more.

Cassia’s lips parted, tongue darting out to wet the lower lip, her eyes very dark as bewilderment flashed to understanding. Jyn always liked that moment—maybe not best, but near to it. With a familiar clench in her stomach, she pressed closer, sliding her hand back into Cassia’s hair and kissing her throat. Jyn could feel Cassia’s pulse rushing under her mouth, breath quickening against Jyn’s hair.

When Jyn scraped her teeth against her throat, Cassia drew a rough breath and tilted her head back. She couldn’t really be more obvious, but as always, Jyn took care to ask,

“Are we good?”

“Yes,” murmured Cassia, with a soft smile. “We’re good.”

-----

The battle below Endor, fought far away from their then-current mission, did not end the war. It would have done far less than that, if not for the Emperor’s death. As it was, the Rebellion threw the higher ranks of Imperial government into divided, scattered chaos in one stroke. The Empire surely would be overthrown; within a few months, they knew it was only a matter of time.

The certainty did little for Jyn and Cassia. They thought of themselves as members of the Rebellion more than of the Alliance, driven on by conviction in the cause rather than its organization or most people in it. In the months after Endor, though, their work for the Rebellion became—different. Still useful, still needed, but less urgent, less military.

“Slimier,” said Baze.

Jyn and Cassia couldn’t disagree.

Intelligence operatives would always be necessary, of course, in peace or war. Cassia poked around enough to suspect that the higher-ups planned to transition the more successful operatives to government work as the New Republic formed, or to use them as groundwork for a New Republic organization of some kind. Jyn and Cassia regarded the idea with professional disinterest and personal repugnance.

“We’re doing this to free the galaxy,” Cassia snapped. “Not to sneak around for bureaucrats.”

“Exactly,” said Jyn.

They confined their discussions of it to the ship, where they now confined virtually any discussion of importance, and which they regularly swept for surveillance. Cassia and Jyn trusted their leaders’ ideals but not their methods, and held their privacy as sacrosanct. They had precious little of it, except sometimes on leave.

They’d rarely claimed their leave over the last five years, when it was available at all. Now they requested it as often as possible, especially after their more trifling assignments. As those took up greater and greater shares of their work, and recruits flooded the Rebellion, Jyn couldn’t help thinking of the future.

Would there even be a point when the Alliance declared an end to this, or would it just transmute into a new version of the Republic, piece by piece and planet by planet? The way the Old Republic had become the Empire? Her father’s research had begun taking shape as the Death Star well before Palpatine declared himself emperor.

The dream of running away, banished for so long, crept back. If they could see no end, could expect no end, then wouldn’t they have to create it for themselves?

If it were Jyn alone, she’d already be gone. But she had her friends to think about, and Cassia, her—

Five years, and she still couldn’t think of a word.

“Girlfriend?” Bodhi suggested, then wrinkled his nose. “No. That’s not Cassia.”

“Right,” said Jyn, flipping through files on her datapad.

“Lover?” he said, and they both cringed. “Okay, I see what you mean.”

Jyn gave this a nod of acknowledgment, not all that interested, but never willing to shrug off Bodhi. As she saw Baze and Chirrut making their way towards the table, she said,

“She’s Cassia. That’s all.”

“There’s got to be a word,” insisted Bodhi. When Chirrut reached them, tapping his way just ahead of Baze, Bodhi turned to him. “What is it called when people spend most of their time together and live together? Indefinitely?”

Baze thumped down into the seat beside him.

“Marriage,” he said dourly.

Jyn’s eyes widened, her thoughts freezing or burning into chaos—she wasn’t sure which. When Bodhi and Chirrut laughed, she forced herself to a slight smile, and heard nothing of what they said.

Marriage. She’d never thought of it. Not once. She and Cassia lived day by day and month by month, particularly in those first couple of years. Jyn had allowed herself this is good, here and now, and only later drifted so far as what if—? But it was a what if of victory, of companionship, of something other than war, not marriage. Marriage made demands. Demands of the law, the Force, the future—a future she hadn’t dared contemplate until recently.

But marriage assumed a future, turned indefinitely to forever as far as the galaxy was concerned. Jyn didn’t care about anyone’s opinion, but she did care about the … the shape of things, the boundaries and foundations she could depend upon in every corner. For one hazy moment, Jyn imagined my, er, friend transformed into my wife, across the stars.

Everyone would know.

Now, silently perched on the co-pilot’s seat, Jyn studied her datapad. Cassia lingered in the edges of her vision, a narrow blur of dark and light.

“We might live,” Cassia said, almost wonderingly. “I suppose so. I hadn’t thought of it.”

Jyn felt not the slightest surprise.

“What would we even do?” Cassia asked.

As far as Jyn could recall, this was the first time that Cassia had spoken of the future as a matter of we and not you. That grounded her, along with the clear gleam filling the viewport and scattering a residual glow through the cockpit. Jyn had always liked hyperspace.

“Oh,” Jyn said lightly, “get married and settle in a house on Naboo and grow kutabas.”

Cassia snorted. After a few seconds, Jyn bullied herself into looking over at her. The light obscured her, in an odd way—blotted out the shifts in color and expression that Jyn usually relied upon. She just looked amused and pretty.

“Our pay couldn’t rent a hovel on Naboo,” she said.

They got paid these days.

“True. And I’ve never grown anything in my life,” Jyn admitted. “I think I have a grey thumb. My mother used to hide plants from me.”

Cassia laughed outright.

As a companionable minute passed, Jyn returned attention to her datapad, berating herself all the while. She didn’t even register the background information that rolled down the screen, just forced herself to blink at regular intervals. At last, though, she inhaled a few deep, regular breaths, then turned to Cassia.

Casually, she said, “We could get married, though.”

All possibility of passing it off as a joke died within a few instants. Cassia stared at her, dark eyes wide and disbelieving. Maybe disbelieving? Damn the light; Jyn hated hyperspace.

“We—” Cassia’s voice broke off, her lips still parted.

She gazed at Jyn for another horrible stretch of time. It couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, but who cared? Jyn strained for something to say, but words came poorly at the best of times.

“You actually mean—”

“Do I usually say things I don’t mean?” snapped Jyn.

Cassia didn’t respond to the tone, but she rarely did. “You’re asking me to marry you.”

“No,” said Jyn, and took some comfort in the tightening of Cassia’s face. She could at least make out that much. “It was a suggestion.”

Cassia looked down, and then slightly up again, teeth pressing into her bottom lip. In that instant, Jyn did recognize the expression: the same one she wore when Jyn smiled at her or kissed her, but far more uncertain.

“You’re suggesting marriage,” Cassia amended. “Between us.” She glanced around, only then seeming to note their surroundings. “In hyperspace.”

“It’s as good a place as any,” said Jyn.

“With your feet on my control panel.”

Jyn shrugged.

Two, three, four more seconds passed—easier seconds, for Jyn. She slouched comfortably in her chair, assured in her conviction that Cassia wouldn’t pass through minor irritations on her way to refusal.

With as little warning as ever, Cassia sprang out of the captain’s seat, stalked over to Jyn, and shoved her feet off the control panel with no ceremony whatsoever. Then she took another step, one that placed her directly in front of Jyn. With her hands held out, she said,

“I don’t want to talk about this from three feet apart.”

Jyn accepted that as reasonable, and let Cassia tug her from slumped to upright, and upright to standing. She didn’t feel the need to release Cassia’s hands afterwards.

For the first time in awhile, it took conscious effort to keep her gaze from drifting to Cassia’s lips. Not for the usual reason, either. A slight curl of her mouth kept disappearing and reappearing as she stared down at Jyn, echoed in the flicker of her lashes: a smile that could not quite believe itself.

Despite Cassia’s talk about this, she said nothing, gazing at Jyn with wide eyes and cold hands.

“Well?” Jyn demanded.

Cassia wet her lip, which didn’t help. “How long?”

With the ease of similarity—and practice—Jyn filled in what she didn’t say. “Have I considered marriage? About a week.”

“A week,” said Cassia, blankly. “Did something happen?”

For no reason that Jyn could identify, she couldn’t resist her own smile at that, one bright enough for her to feel it in her cheeks and about her eyes.

“Baze said we were practically married already,” she replied, readily enough. “He didn’t know he was saying it, but still. And I thought that—it’d be good to have things clear.”

Cassia looked particularly inscrutable. “To me?”

“To everyone,” said Jyn. “No misunderstandings.”

Again, Cassia’s eyes widened. Her grip loosened, and Jyn had no idea what that was supposed to mean.

“You want,” Cassia began, then broke off. “You’re proposing that we swear to … to this, to staying together forever, because now we’ll probably live long enough for it to matter?”

She could be very concise sometimes, without sacrificing meaning. It was one of Jyn’s favorite things about her.

“Yes,” said Jyn.

“And because you want us sworn before the entire galaxy?” she pressed.

“Yes.”

Cassia released Jyn’s hands, which for one terrible moment, threw all of her conclusions into doubt. Then Cassia stepped even nearer than they already stood, almost as near as they could get, and cupped Jyn’s cheek with one hand, the other dropping to her hip.

“Jyn,” she said.

“Is that—”

Cassia pressed her lips to Jyn’s, slanting breathless kisses over every detail of her mouth. Jyn had meant to demand an answer, but even after five years, all thought but yes, this, more fled. She grasped the back of Cassia’s shoulders, pressed their bodies together, caught up to Cassia’s kisses and deepened them. Heat raced from her spine all the way to her feet and the crown of her head, and she caught Cassia’s lip between her own, lightly biting it.

Cassia, Cassia.

Jyn settled a hand over Cassia’s throat, stroking down until she could feel Cassia’s life thrumming under her fingers. When they both parted for breath, they still clung to each other.

Cassia’s unsteady smile returned, settling in her mouth and eyes and cheeks. In that moment, it seemed like it might never go away. Between the light of the smile and the light of hyperspace, she looked radiant, something shining and dangerous.

“You think it’s a good idea, then?” said Jyn, feeling more than usually triumphant.

Cassia leaned down again, this time dragging her mouth to Jyn’s ear, her breath as hot and urgent as when she’d talked her out of murder.

“It’s a very good idea,” she said.

#anghraine babbles #anghraine's fic #anghraine's pics #moodboard #genderbending #otp: welcome home #jyn erso #cassian andor #cassia andor #the queer rogue one fic #also bodhi baze and chirrut but not tagging because they're peripheral characters to the jyn/cassia show in this one #whatever we deny or embrace #long post #star wars

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hsavinien · 2 months ago

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Fic Writer Interview

Tagged by @wheremermaidsdwell

tagging @asparklethatisblue, @degenezijde, @hyenabeanz if you want to.

How many works do you have on ao3?

441. 183 of those are The Owl House because I have a problem.

What’s your total word count?

360,262 (ish). Some co-written, so not all my words.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Silver is the Moon (Old Guard, Joe/Nicky)

Calling Across the Sea (Good Omens, Aziraphale/Crowley)

Remedy (ST: AOS, Kirk/McCoy)

Teasing Means We Love You, Irritation Means You're Still Alive (Old Guard, team fluff)

Such Simple Trials (MCU, Bucky/Steve/Peggy)

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

Always! I appreciate them so much!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Coupla Owl House ones. Maybe Raine captured by Kikimora: Leashed, or Camila and "her daughter's" changed behavior: Changeling.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Ehhh... A lot? Like. So many? "We saved the world and got back together and find each other wildly attractive, let's fuck about it!" is not an uncommon theme for me. New Morning Dawning (Raine/Eda) is fun.

Do you write crossovers?

Occasionally. I've done a few Good Omens ones:

We Must Bear Witness (GO/Tolkien, female maiar Aziraphale & Crowley, fusion)

Knightly Virtues are a Pain (GO/Arthuriana, female Aziraphale & Crowley, fusion)

Østenfor engelen og vestenfor demonen (GO/East of the Sun, West of the Moon, female Aziraphale & Crowley, fusion)

Out of Ambit (GO/Discworld, male Aziraphale & female Crowley, isekai)

A Holmes/Doctor Who drabble: A Loose End (Ninth Doctor & SH minor character)

A HP/Justice League Intl. remix for an exchange and a Girl Genius/Marvel comics one for my own joy: Nadia Not-Heterodyne and the Spark Girls (Jaeger OC & Nadia Van Dyne)

An Owl House/ST: TNG fic: Away Mission (King & Tasha & Deanna).

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, but I did get a self-identified aro person telling me I was doing romance wrong while having me blocked so I couldn't respond without logging out of my account to respond to a comment on my own fic. That person's comments no longer appear on my stories.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeeeeep. What kind, like...genders? Species? Yes.

M/M, M/F (occasionally), F/F, F/Nonbinary, M/Nonbinary, Nonbinary/Nonbinary, Multi. Monsterfucking. Some bondage. Angsty masturbation.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yep! With @intosnarkness: And mony a canty day, Jim, We've had wi' ane anither (ST: AOS, Kirk/Scott)

and @hyenabeanz: Eda's Reprise (Be Refreshed, and Be Well) (Owl House, Eda/Raine)

Also 10 years and thousands (millions?) of messages of epistolary RP.

What's your all-time favourite ship?

Aging antifascist queers. Raine/Eda, Joe/Nicky, Baze/Chirrut.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I'm GONNA. I'll figure it out! I ONCE tried posting a WIP in hopes that it would make the words come out and it did NOT but I'm going to figure it out eventually! Hyenabeanz helped me figure out what the overarching theme is, so I do in fact have a general direction now. It's already the longest thing I've ever written.

Threads Binding a Wide Universe (Old Guard future fic, sci fi team adventure with new immortals)

What are your writing strengths?

Emotion and worldbuilding. Precision with words.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Sustained plot is hard.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I use it very occasionally and provide translations in a footnote if I don't think readers will be able to figure it out from context.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Good Omens. Long time community member on LJ. Counterpoint (Aziraphale & Crowley, the Arrangement)

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Ehhh. Might eventually write for MXTX, but no ideas have really jumped out at me.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

Again this question... Today, let's say I am very proud of A Reflection Bereft, Not Dark (Old Guard, Joe/Nicky, parallel universes).

#meme #fanfic #fandom

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canines-alter-creation · 3 months ago

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thatz okay i wouid never ask that of a perzon anyway :33c can i have an aiter whoz zoie purpozez are zex haver / admirer bazed off the roit grrri azethetic in the mascuiine fiavour - 🧸✨

HIIII!! Okay, so this was a bit of a difficult ask, since you know, the point of the riot grrrl aesthetic was to fight the misogyny in the Punk movement and as a form of 4th wave feminism, that being said, I+ think We+ did a pretty good job!

> Name(s): Axel, Storm, Vincent, Wolf, Tatum, Malachi

> Pronoun(s): he/loud/fuck/bass/vio/violent/song/they/lyr/punk/fight/

> Age: young adult

> Gender: goreboy, rockmascgender, metallian, metalgender, punkrockgender, electrix, lovegore, loverboylexic, darklovecoric

> Sexuality: hypersex and hypromantic, attracted to all

> Role: sexual alter, appellisian, sexual protector, admirer

> Source: brainmade, alterblogic

> Faceclaims:

> Sign-offs: 💀, ☠️, 🎸, ⛓️, 🥀, 🃏, 🥁

> Song theme:

> Front triggers(pos/neg/neu):

+ punk history, people he finds sexually appealing, punk shows and punk music

/ movies like Moxie, making zines, someone needing its help to spread awareness

- Unwanted sexual advances, feeling coerced or pressured into sex, Nazis, israel supporters, conservatives spreading hate

> Likes/dislikes:

+ Punk music, feminism, moshing, dancing, punk movements, punk history

- posers & people pretending to be punk for views, nazis, conservatives that think they’re punk, misogynists, pop music

> Personality: Very flirty and sorta rude, flirts by being mean especially. Likes music and listening to music. Is very sexual, and may not be interested in a romantic relationship, only having sexual relationships or being sexually involved. Very loud and isn’t afraid of that, can’t be cowed or pushed down because they’re reminiscent of the Riot grrrl movement, doesn’t take orders from anyone.

> Ways they do their role: Handles most if not all sexual experiences, either by fronting directly for them, or being in co while sexual activities are happening. If an alter that has a partner is going to have sex and doesn’t feel up to it/ feels unsafe, rock will switch in to handle it. Protects the body’s sexual health and will force their partner to care about and see their sexual wants and needs. Isn’t afraid to to advocate for sexual health and happiness.

> Inner world occupation or behavior: May have an apartment or studio where they work and live. It is probably fairly messy, with a lot of music instruments, spray paint, concrete and punk clothing all over the floor. Likes being loud and jamming out, probably shouldn’t have neighbors with children or that are quiet. Likes to play in bands and underground shows, loves caffeine and coffee. Has large headphones for listening to music and frequently goes out skating or longboarding.

> Possible outerworld behavior: Active and loud advocate for everyone. Isn’t afraid to punch a nazi or a cop. Stands with and by minorities to uplift them. Advocates for sexual safety and health. Will speak out against injustice no matter who they’re with. Is very flirty with everyone (as long as their of appropriate age) and likes to be around like minded people.

#build a headmate #build an alter #alter creation #alter packs #willogenic #headmate creation #headmate pack #🦷.txt. request

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seasidesandstarscapes · 7 months ago

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @strangethings-everywhere !!! thank you so much friend!!!!

How many works do you have on AO3? 167

What's your total AO3 word count? 414,347

What fandoms do you write for? Currently TBITB (obvs), but I've written for The Witcher, Newsies, Star Wars, and a whole lot of other fandoms shdfjskl

Top five fics by kudos? Lost in the Wild - 754, Running With The Wolves - 668, burning from the inside out - 633, The Ties That Bind Us - 528, Dire Straits (?) - 514 (jeez witcher was a wild time lmaoooo)

Do you respond to comments? I try to!!! but when i switch fandoms i tend to forget about my prev fics ;v;

What is the fic you wrote with the angriest ending? Angriest???? idk i guess.....one of my newsies fics where i left the ending ambiguous lol

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? So many of them, I don't like Main Character Death and my ship neeeeds to have their happily ever after

Do you get hate on fics? Not really? I got one that seemed like hate but i think we were just both confused lol

Do you write smut? ye

Craziest crossover? Two Chinese movies that are not at all popular in America. Idk how to even explain it unless you give me a good hour

Have you ever had a fic stolen? I don't think so????

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but if someone wanted to, i'd be more than fine with it!!!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes!!! some of it will never see the light of day, but it's been fun!!! especially when i forget the premise and my co-writer has to be like "wtf man" lmao

All time favorite ship hhhh i really don't know.....i guess at the end of the day...i'll always come back to baze malbus x chirrut imwe cause they're my space dads

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Lol uhhhhhh mainly it's just starting it, which is some kind of mer au for tbitb

What are your writing strengths? ???? idk....Making sure i don't use too many adverbs??? lol

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I wish I could, that would be so cool ;v;

First fandom you wrote in? probably some kind of youtuber fic idk lol

Favorite fic you've written? hgajfdksl Right now it's been the Bobby/Don Hockey Fic, man that one was a good time

There's no 20th question so i'm gonna make one up: If you were forced to write only one genre for the rest of your life (like James Patterson lol) what would you want it to be?

tagging @seaofolives @kjxlll and @borealopelta !!!

#salix tag games

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birdylion · 7 months ago

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20 Questions for Fic Writers Tag Game

@beatrice-otter tagged me, thanks!

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

28, of which 11 are in German, 17 in English. Of the English fics, 2 are podfics and 1 is filk (for the lyrics someone else wrote). I should re-record that last one, I've become a much better singer since then.

2. what’s your total AO3 word count?

55,059 words

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Various, and rarely a lot in one fandom these days. Mass Effect and Rivers of London are my current go-to fandoms.

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

What we're made of (Harry Potter: trans Viktor Krum at the Yule Ball with Hermione)

Sleepless Night (Good Omens: hurt/comfort double drabble about insomnia)

The Darkest Prison (Rogue One: pre-canon Baze/Chirrut fic about the early days of Imperial occupation and Baze's loss of faith in the Force)

Breathe, breathe in the air (Rivers of London: see my anwer to the smut question, Peter/Beverley and Peter/Old Beverley)

Bintumani (Rivers of London: Elsie Winstanley & Peter's mom have an adventure in Sierra Leone)

The first 3 are no surprise because they're all in rather big fandoms. The first one was for the "Trans Wizard Tournament" so it got lots of readers from there. The next two contain popular ships of their fandoms. The last two are a bit of a surprise, but they haven't that many kudos overall, just more than the others, and they are both from Yuletide and probably get some of their readers from there. The rest of what I write is either in niche fandoms or very niche within a bigger fandom or not in English.

5. do you respond to comments?

Yep, although I can take a while.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Under the burning sun (Mass Effect: Kaidan and Shepard go back to Virmire to grieve Ashley)

A fic about two survivors of a mission grieving their colleague who died on said mission. One feels responsible because he made the decision who to leave behind, the other feels guilty because he was saved while his colleague was left to die. Doesn't get any angstier than that in my book.

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Phew hard to say, perhaps it's "Spürst du die Funken" (see my answer to the translation question)

8. do you get hate on fics?

Never got any hate mail, but then I don't have much of an audience either so the chances are slim.

9. do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I started recently, as in, over the last 1.5 years or so. There's one unpublished and unfinished fic that was actually the first, which only consists of a series of sexual fantasies so far but will lead to inadvisable undernegociated kinky sex between two characters who suck at communication and have loads of emotional baggage between them. There's another one that I actually published, a ... kind of weird metaphysical sex scene in which two characters have sex in the real world but also one of them has sex with the other's metaphysical alter ego on another plane of existence.

10. do you write crossovers?

I have 1 crossover WIP that I haven't touched in a long time, Rivers of London x The Old Guard, re:immortality. I tend to be intimidated by them because doing the different sources materials justice within one work sounds more challenging than if it's just one on its own.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but there's a half finished translation into English of one of my German fics, a HP Dean/Seamus getting together story with gray-aromantic bi Dean and gay Seamus.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, with @shakespearerants, but it's not published yet.

Also, the vast majority of my writing output (easily 20-30k words a year, used to be as high as 50k) is for a forum-based, long-form text writing RPG, which may count as co-writing and may count as fic.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I once wrote a 70k Harry Potter fanfic in German, a schoolgirl romance between Minerva McGonagall and Pomona Sprout (with my own character backgrounds for them). It would need much editing to be in any way presentable - the text is missing the character arcs I intended to put in it, I decided to change one of the characters' age and school year halfway in, and the ending would need a lot more preparation to be satisfying. And while I'm proud to have written 70k words of fanfic, I cannot overstate how little interest I have in connecting with others over Harry Potter these days, and I wouldn't enjoy interacting with readers about it. So I'm never going to share it and it's never going to be anything else than a first draft.

Edit: I just noticed I read the question wrong (I was very tired yesterday), but I'll keep my answer that way because the point stands: I'd like to have finished it because more satisfying than having written a 70k fic would be having it polished and published, but for aforementioned reason that's not going to happen.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Writing distinct character voices, I think. At least in German.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue! It always takes a lot of editing work to make it lively.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Ohh, lots. Basically the question is "what are you trying to achieve"? Why would the character do it? If you write dialogue in another language, which of the characters understands it, and do you want your readers to understand it? If two characters switch languages, why not say "[...] she said in French"?

The one fic in which I put the most thought about how to convey language is probably "What we're made of", the trans Viktor Krum fic, which is written from his perspective, but I elected not to add a orthographic representation of his accent, because he wouldn't be aware of it. I did give him some grammatical errors that I thought native speakers of Bulgarian might make in English - but just in direct speech and not in his internal monologue (all errors are mine there) because I assume his internal monologue to be in Bulgarian.

I did use some cyrillic, namely I used the spelling of "Hermione" from the Bulgarian HP4, from the scene in which Hermione tells him how to pronounce her name, because he would think about the pronounciation by way of the cyrillic spelling.

Also there's this sentence: "She pronounced his name ‘Victor’, as if it was English. A short i, the o as a short a, almost like ъ, and the r in that strange way English people pronounced their r, with bared front teeth." (ъ being the Bulgarian cyrillic letter for a schwa sound)

I haven't had any good opportunities to actually write dialogue in another language. One reason would be if the character was code switching, but then I'd want to be sure (in most cases) that readers who don't speak the language could still follow, so I probably wouldn't put the whole dialogue in another language, just a phrase or two, and have another character react to that. It could be fun as an easter egg for readers who speak both.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The first story for which I tried writing a continuation was some horse book set in Cornwall with Endurance riding.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Always the one I finished last? I don't know. I'm always proud that they're finished, and they all scratch an itch.

I'm tagging @freizusein, @astronicht, @hermitknut, @weatheredlaw, @shakespearerants, @evolutionsbedingt, @perching-owl

#a game is on #fanfic #birdypersonal

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wipbigbang · 2 years ago

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This is Round Two of the Artist Claims for the 2023 round of WIPBB. You may claim up to three fics this round. If you want only one fic, please fill out the form once with your top choices. If you want two fics, fill out the form twice with your first choice in the first form submission with one unique ID and the second choice in another submission with a different unique ID.

The synopses are located at https://wipbigbang.dreamwidth.org/172201.html

The form is located at https://forms.gle/ES2D3d2mTG1nU4Pk6.

Round two of the art claims will go on until July 1st.

Star Wars: Rogue One

#117

Title: (all will) consume themselves and be reborn

Pairing/Characters: Chirrut Imwe/Baze Malbus

Rating Mature | M

Warnings/Tags: No Warnings apply

Canon-typical violence

Summary: Baze Malbus left Jedha years ago, but when he hears rumors that the Imperial occupation has destroyed the Temple of the Kyber, he returns, determined to learn what might have happened to the Guardians.

#118

Title: After It Breaks [working title]

Pairing/Characters: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso/Bodhi Rook

Rating Mature | M

Warnings/Tags: Graphic Violence, Non-con/Rape

Implied/referenced torture and sexual assault. Medical treatment for life-threatening injuries.

Summary: When Cassian is captured and tortured on a mission, the aftereffects of his ordeal rupture the fragile web of relationships developing between him, Jyn, and Bodhi.

#120

Title: late for the love of my life (working title)

Pairing/Characters: Jyn Erso/Cassian Andor, Jyn Erso, Cassian Andor, Baze Malbus, Chirrut Imwe, K2SO, general supporting cast from Rogue One

Rating Teen | T

Warnings/Tags: No Warnings apply

N/a

Summary: Tagline:

Jyn, Bodhi, and Baze have gone missing while on a mission, Echo Base has been attacked, the Alliance has scattered, and a new threat lurks amidst intelligence rumors from the spy network. A deadly threat.

A...somewhat familiar threat.

General Outline:

AU from the ending of Rogue One; everyone lives. Jyn and Cassian are separated at the start of the story, with Jyn & co. heading out on a mission and Cassian staying behind on Echo Base. Shortly thereafter, Jyn & co. go missing on mission, and the Empire attacks Echo Base. Separated and unable to contact each other, Jyn and Cassian follow separate threads leading to the plans for Death Star 2. Teams reunite near the end of the story, with time together to get the Death Star 2 plans. Story is interspersed with flashbacks to key moments in Jyn and Cassian's relationship.

#star wars #rogue one #star wars: rogue one #rogue one: a star wars story #chirrut imwe #baze malbus #cassian andor #jyn erso #bodhi rook #k2so #chirrut x baze #cassian x jyn x bodhi #cassian x jyn #rebelcaptain #signal boost #fandom event #looking for fanartists #looking for fanart #fanart

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hersterical · 2 years ago

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My take on ST characters in SW universe:

Will started off as a Jedi and El started off as a Sith/dark force user but they both end up as Gray Jedis.

Mike is the Han to Will and El’s Luke and Leia, except he has all of Han’s attitude with none of his athletic/gunslinger abilities.

Dustin builds and designs droids. He is constantly butting heads with the ship’s mechanic/ other mean girl Max. (Who is in an “unspoken” power struggle with Mike for the title of ship’s official mean girl)

Lucas is the pilot who actually has his priorities in order and is the only one Max trusts with the ship. He’s usually the voice of reason but has his weaknesses, usually involving taking on passengers who are obviously trouble because “they need help”. Or trying to impress Max with a risky maneuver.

Erica is learning how to be a pilot from Lucas and is insistent that she only wants to learn so she can someday leave all these losers behind but she really wants to learn because of how much she looks up to Lucas. She also enjoys learning about ship mechanics from Max and battle strategies from Mike. She has zero interest in the force. She also enjoys hanging out with the older group and is more willing to be seen in public with them than the members of the younger group. Nancy was separated from her family at a young age and became a Mandalorian foundling. (More like Sabine and Bo-Katan than Din)

Argyle strongly believes in the force and has/had a similar job to Chirrut and Baze and is slightly force sensitive and is aware of this. Jonathan is pretty strongly force sensitive but is unaware of this because he’s used to Will and El levels of force shenanigans.

Steve and Robin are both force sensitive but it manifests itself in unusual ways. Mostly through their force connection with each other. (They can sense each other’s emotions, have silent conversations through sheer vibes and eye contact, etc.) They are both amazing at convincing people of things that they have no right being able to convince anyone of. Steve is also able to sense whenever one of his idiots is in danger (like Luke) while Robin is weirdly good at picking up languages and making impossible leaps in logic that turn out to somehow be correct. Neither of them are aware of their force sensitivity. The only one who does know is Argyle who thinks everyone knows and just doesn’t talk about it for some reason.

Eddie is Some Guy who got way in over his head with some trouble, accidentally saved Mike, Dustin, and Lucas’ lives, and now they can’t get rid of him. (No one except for Hopper tries very hard anymore)

Hopper and Joyce are co-leaders of the town on an outer-rim planet that everyone uses as their base of operations. (They’re usually split up into the older/younger groups but they also mix and match. Such as the Scoops Troop). The kids all think they’re having a much more exciting time with traveling the galaxy than these two stuck in the middle of nowhere. No one is aware of the full extent of mystery solving and bandit catching that these two take part in. All the kids are aware that they won’t narc on them to whoever the ruling government of the galaxy is at the time, but they don’t know the extent that Hop and Joyce go to to keep them out of trouble. Of course Hopper rips into them more than enough to make up for that whenever they make a particularly stupid decision. Joyce’s disappointment and worry is a worse punishment than anything Hopper or the controlling government could come up with combined.

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incognitajones · 1 year ago

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WIP Last Line Game

@luciechat tagged me!

Other than my RCSS story, I'm working on 3 pieces that I want to finish by the end of the year. That's way too ambitious, but if I push I might manage by the end of January!

The pre-canon Jedha Baze/Chirrut story:

“All of us are fearful and uncertain,” Norati said. “The Force’s voice is unclear.”

“It is clear enough to me,” Chirrut said calmly. “I considered leaving niJedha, but the Force tells me there is still something important for me to do here. I will stay.”

Shelter Part 3:

The agent sighed. “Just co-operate for a few days. Then we can both get what we want.”

Jyn snorted, scraping her plastic spoon into the corners of the tray. “What I want is to never set eyes on you again. But I guess that’s not an option.”

(I'm blocked on the whumpy threesome story and haven't touched it in months, so there's nothing to add on that front.)

No-pressure tagging: @glorious-spoon, @woahpip, @rain-sleet-snow, and anyone else who wants to!

#wips #wip wednesday #i did the thing #tag you're it

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the-wintry-mizzenmast · 1 year ago

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Twenty Questions for Fic Writers!

tagged by @bbcphile

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

69. NICE.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

522,701

Smoke and Mirrors (Sephiroth/Cloud, drag queen canon divergence) has disproportionately contributed to this.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I am sadly monofannish, so at the moment I am writing in Mysterious Lotus Casebook 蓮花樓. There are a few fandoms I have gone back to writing to, like Phoenix Wright/Ace Attorney when a new game comes out. I suspect I will dive back into Smoke and Mirrors once I am done with MLC and I play FF7 Rebirth.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Day Still Young (Wrightworth PWP)

Safe and Sound (ZoroLu PWP)

Storm Before the Calm (A Wrighworth piece I wrote for an exchange, I'm surprised it's this popular!)

Love and Longing (Wrightworth piece I wrote a long time ago)

Perennial Passions (Wrightworth PWP)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do my best when I am able, but sometimes I don't always get around to it or I don't have the spoons. I apologize if you've left a comment and I haven't been able to respond. Thank you.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I smashed out Tarnished Silver (Sol/Ky, Guilty Gear, Major Character Death) in one evening because I was shocked that one of the audio dramas would have an AU that kills off a main char

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I mostly do one-shots or series that are comprised of one shots that take place in the same universe. Euphemistically, all of my smut has a happy ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Extremely rarely. And if I did, I would report and then delete.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

All the time. I think every time I get into a ship I write porn for them. My usual tags are Porn Without Plot and Porn With Feelings.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I am extremely proud of Born for the Fast Life, my Ace Attorney x Fast and Furious crossover. This might be the only multi-chaptered fic of any significant length I have ever finished in my life.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

A few over the years. Most recently, the entire Smoke and Mirrors series has been translated into Chinese.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've done massive RPs before and collaborated on universes, but never a specific fic.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I am mono-fannish, so my favorite ship is always whoever is currently my ship, which is Di Feisheng/Li Lianhua. I suspect I will always love and have a soft spot for Zoro/Luffy from One Piece.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Two Bodies (Baze/Chirrut, Rogue One). I had so much backstory for them in my head, but it'll never be done. I need to learn that I am fickle and easily distracted and thus not made for long novel-length projects.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Action/fight scenes, car chases, Porn with Feelings.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing things I start.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'm only fluent enough to do this in Chinese, and only for short bits of conversation. I've only done this once for 天涯海角 The Ends of the Earth

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Fushigi Yuugi, but it was all for myself and only two people on this earth have read it. First fandom I wrote and posted for? Weiss Kreuz. How's that for a throwback?

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I'm proudest of Smoke and Mirrors, mostly because the characters are so vivid, but also because of its length and the way it's been plotted, even though it's yet undone and I don't have an ending for it. I'd like to figure out where I'm going someday and finish it.

I'm shit at tagging people, so anybody who reads this, if you want to do it, please!

#my fanfiction

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punkscowardschampions · 2 years ago

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Bea & Fraze Pt.5

Fraze: [I would feel bad for you Ro getting bossed about but I don’t hen, sucks to suck, love that it’s may atm sometime so we have the freedom to say that the weather isn’t entirely horrid]

Bea: [you love it, you nerd, then once y’all are done you can vibe ‘til your bathtime moment so that’s as much sorted as you can, good weather freedom is always helpful, tis true]

Bea: how is he?

Fraze: Ears are still 🐘

Fraze: how are you?

Bea: have your father to thank for that

Bea: same as always, of course, why?

Fraze: why am I asking? ‘Cause I give a shit, same as always

Bea: cute

Bea: what are you doing after, are you going back out?

Fraze: do you wanna?

Bea: maybe

Bea: if they’re staying in

Fraze: get your swim team bezzie to keep him busy for us

Bea: if I thought her reaction would be to go out and find something or someone to do herself

Bea: you know it’ll be a lot of staying in bed moping at first

Fraze: long as she’s out of our way, don’t matter with what

Bea: she’ll be jealous, if she reckons we’re getting too close, it’ll be all the snide comments

Fraze: nothing you can’t handle

Bea: I’m not worried for myself, just if she’s overheard and any of it rings true

Fraze: come on, nobody cares what she’s got to say, it’s been fuck all but bullshit for ages

Bea: yeah as long as we don’t give her anything to actually see or hear herself

Fraze: and we’re not gonna, so it’s fine, don’t worry

Bea: yeah, alright

Fraze: Where you taking me then?

Bea: oh, so you get… however long, to plan and I get no time at all

Fraze: you don’t need none, you’re the smart one

Bea: there’s no need for flattery, cheater, won’t change the massive advantage you gave yourself

Fraze: your unfair advantage is I’d go anywhere, even school, to be with you

Bea: if that’s the bar

Bea: slightly insulting but again, you said it so nicely

Fraze: I was gonna say I’d walk over broken glass, that’s honestly the bar, but it’s full on when you’re trying to think

Bea: [whatever year Ro is in rn] homework is SO challenging

Bea: I’ll not make you prove it

Fraze: you know I’ve got nothing left to prove

Bea: I know how distracting that is to my thoughts

Fraze: yeah

Bea: I don’t mind being distracted, when it’s you

Fraze: you need distracting, you become a headcase when I don’t

Bea: why do you always call me that

Fraze: it’s true, I’ve never met someone as wound up who hasn’t properly gone to bits

Bea: considering the comparison there is your sister, that’s not an achievement

Fraze: exactly, it’s nothing to be proud of

Bea: ha

Fraze: but stick with me, kid

Fraze: I won’t have no reason to call you a headcase no more

Bea: stick to yourself, boy

Fraze: don’t start rowing with us

Bea: I’m not starting anything

Fraze: good

Bea: bye

Fraze: your loss, babe

Bea: Super convincing

Fraze: your mind’s made up already, like

Bea: no shit

Fraze: what would I waste my time, and yours, for then?

Bea: just waste it being a dick so I don’t want to go anywhere with you

Bea: if that’s your priority, have fun, like I said

Fraze: I wasn’t, you’re being oversensitive and jumping down my throat now you’ve sat down with them and had tea

Bea: can’t be oversensitive if I don’t care

Fraze: who do you reckon you’re convincing of what with that?

Bea: I can think of plenty of ways to fill my time, I don’t need any help

Fraze: go ahead, I’ll stop offering none

Bea: we’re both busy, there’s no need to carry this on

Fraze: [leave that unanswered like the petty bitch you are lol]

Bea: [one way to get y’all to chill for a sec lmao, would you like to do the JoeRay side of this, like, what y’all are up to ‘cos of the Amber Heard etc, we could do, as we’re here]

Fraze: [we can do, we might need to just make sure we’re on the same page re vibes cos all we’ve done is that gig convo and nothing since but I’m down to]

Bea: [yeah and that was 2 years ago, so fair lol, just a suggestion, we can keep bazing if you’d rather, don’t mind either way tbh]

Fraze: [it makes sense to do that side of this too rn I just don’t wanna assume shit about the entire 2 years that you’re then like um wtf lol]

Bea: [i kinda forgot that skip was quite that big ngl, and I’d probably need to reread too]

Fraze: [when we did the baze convo this has jumped off of they were gonna be a couple and suicide pact it for those 2 years which isn’t the energy now so, we can just stick with baze for now if you want, that’ll be easier]

Bea: [forget my lil detour there then, back to these hoes and at least you can take now to go have your own bath before all the gross kids come through and get that bathroom filthy, ‘cos you haven’t had time yet and no one else will wanna so early]

Fraze: [meanwhile you go back out and find your friends until you have to be back in properly for curfew whatever time that is, stay out of her way]

Bea: [ahh to be a teen and have stupid lil arguments, at least there’s truly plenty you can be doing, even if you are silently seething whilst you do it and he’s out and about gallivanting, scheme some more with this hoe for Joseph, if nothing else]

Fraze: [pissed all over our cute spring vibes we were just talking about, rude bitches, thankfully joeray don’t care about personal hygiene because Joe’s too gross and Ray’s too depressed so you won’t have to fight to have your own shower when you get back and then you can go to your room because nobody’s expecting any different by that o clock]

Bea: [oh lads, the mess, the drama]

Fraze: [catch him trying to just mindlessly game or mindlessly watch tv as if this is any other boring night though cos what else are you gonna do, stop being stubborn and resolve this? Of course not]

Bea: Who was out?

Fraze: Why do you care?

Bea: ‘cos it’s relevant

Fraze: no it ain’t

Bea: it is too

Fraze: now you ain’t too busy you reckon it is, don’t mean it is

Bea: I was talking to [the bitch] and she said her cousin is [one of his mates who may or may not have been there]

Bea: that’s all

Fraze: that’s nothing to do with me

Bea: you’re really being helpful

Bea: I thought this was our plan

Fraze: you don’t need my help

Bea: I need to know what he’s like, I don’t know him

Fraze: he’s her cousin not her ex, he’s got fuck all to do with this

Bea: yeah but she wants to take me with on their first date and obviously I can’t just be there tagging along, Joe isn’t that stupid

Fraze: nor am I, you can fuck off if you reckon I’m gonna matchmake you and one of my mates

Bea: it’s not as if it’s real, I just need to know if it’ll be entirely intolerable

Fraze: you heard us, fuck off

Bea: 🙄 be like that

Fraze: how the fuck else do you expect me to be?

Fraze: he’ll chat enough real bullshit whatever happens and I’ll have to do him in, which’ll be real enough too

Bea: it’s just hanging out

Fraze: I can’t be no clearer about this

Bea: if your friend is a liar that’s your problem

Bea: I don’t need permission to go if I want to

Fraze: it’s his, and he won’t be a mate of mine if he goes anywhere with you

Bea: because that’s not obvious as fuck

Fraze: I have been this whole time, why the fuck would I care or stop now?

Bea: do you think no one is going to ask me out in the next 5 years, like?

Fraze: none of my mates are gonna be doing the asking, not unless they wanna get beaten up

Fraze: other cunts you’ll say no to and long as they take that, we won’t have a problem

Bea: not if it’s somewhere I wanna go

Fraze: I’ll take you the places you wanna go

Bea: when you aren’t pissing off out in a mood

Fraze: when you ain’t too busy to bother with me

Bea: ‘cos that’s what happened

Fraze: What happened is I pointed out you was a headcase before and even though you’ve as good as admitted it’s true when we’re not together, instead of, you turned back into one

Bea: you just don’t want to say sorry because you believe your own bullshit

Fraze: I’ve got nothing to say it for ‘cause I ain’t sorry

Fraze: I started the day chucking [his short lived gf] and you’re ending it talking about hanging out with [his mate]

Fraze: I dunno what else there is for us to chat about if you can’t see how fucked that is

Bea: I said I’d hang out with him to help tear apart your fucking freaky brother and sister, not that I was gonna go get off with him just for fun

Fraze: she’s older than you she don’t need your fucking backup, her and him can just hang out, without you near either of ‘em

Bea: so you tell her, seeing as that’s what you do, tell everyone what to do

Fraze: yeah, I’m the cunt ‘cause you can’t let me have 1 good day with you from start to finish

Bea: well I’m a headcase, right, what do you expect

Fraze: nothing now, do what the fuck you want, Bea

Bea: gee, thanks

Fraze: [don’t reply boy, you’re too angry, just leave it]

Bea: Why are you acting like you’re dumb?

Fraze: Why can’t you shut up?

Bea: you’re incapable of sorting anything

Fraze: I’ve already said everything I’m gonna say on the subject, it ain’t my fault you’re incapable of accepting that

Bea: no one else called me a headcase and then expected me to want to fuck them

Fraze: Jesus Christ, I said you used to be, it’s you who’s acting like one again now

Bea: you said I am one without you, you think you’re that fucking special

Fraze: you are, same as I do shit I ain’t proud of without you, it don’t mean either of us are special

Bea: blaming me for you acting like a moron would be about right…

Fraze: I’m not blaming you, you’re my motive but I still did it

Bea: that’s no better but you’re trying

Bea: and you ruined the day, not me

Fraze: I can’t make nothing better with only words, who the fuck do you think I am?

Bea: nice try but that’s not getting you out of anything

Fraze: I don’t want out of anything

Bea: so act like you like me

Fraze: I fucking love you, you know that

Bea: they aren’t the same thing

Fraze: no shit, and I don’t like you loads when you’re on about dating my mates

Bea: I didn’t say I’d date your mates

Fraze: yeah you did

Bea: I said she wanted to force me to go bowling or some shit with her and her cousin, ‘cos she did

Fraze: don’t, you said if you wanna go somewhere with that cunt you’re going, end of

Bea: because you can’t tell me what to do, not because I want to go anywhere with him

Fraze: ‘cause you’re a hypocrite, you ruined my birthday when she kissed me, before fuck all had happened between us, but I ain’t allowed to have an opinion about what you’re doing or beat up any lads who ask you out, after today’s happened

Bea: I didn’t do anything to ruin your birthday, I just didn’t sit there and watch it happen

Bea: you have friends, can’t I have friends too

Fraze: you left, that ruined it for me

Fraze: and ‘course, but he don’t wanna be your friend, babe

Bea: you couldn’t exactly refuse her, that’s going to happen

Bea: no one knows about us, there’s fuck all to respect

Fraze: we’ve gotta treat each other with respect, I don’t care about no fucker else or what happens out there

Bea: then stop calling us it, I don’t like it

Fraze: I’ll stop, I swear

Bea: okay, that’s all I’m asking

Fraze: you can ask for more, I can’t refuse you

Bea: shouldn’t it be your turn to ask for something?

Fraze: I’ve already said don’t go out with him, I’m not asking, I’m telling you

Fraze: whether you like it, and me, or you don’t

Bea: I was never going to

Fraze: then we don’t need to fall out about it, that’s all I want

Bea: it’s not like I said he liked me, she just thought she was doing me a favour setting me up with someone right back

Fraze: it don’t have to be said, he ain’t gay, he’d have to be a headcase worse than I’ve ever called you not to like you

Bea: so I can only be friends with girls then?

Fraze: there’s gay lads, like I said

Bea: 😏 you’re ridiculous

Fraze: I ain’t hanging ‘round with no girls and you’d hate it if I was

Bea: girls don’t like me

Fraze: and? I don’t like none of my mates, they’re boring cunts and you’re not, I only wanna be with you

Bea: you shouldn’t have gone out

Fraze: I do shit I shouldn’t without you, remember

Bea: I missed you, I had to go downstairs and watch telly with them just for something to do after I’d done all the homework I had

Fraze: fucking hell, that I’m sorry for then

Bea: yeah, you should be

Fraze: I am, I’ll show you when you let me

Bea: I hate having to make you wait

Fraze: don’t then, nobody’s checking who’s behind what closed bedroom door

Bea: it’s the principle of the thing

Fraze: you want your apology, don’t you?

Fraze: come and get it

Bea: you’ll have to swear that you won’t think you can get away with whatever you like, if I do

Fraze: on my life

Bea: alright, hold on

Fraze: I can’t exactly tell you to hurry the fuck up, like

Bea: no, true

Bea: but I want to look good

Fraze: you always look good

Bea: not after that dinner, not if I don’t burn some of it off

Fraze: I’ll help you, but trust me, you’ve never looked bad since I’ve known you

Fraze: first thing in the morning, last at night, piss wet through from the shit weather, it don’t matter

Bea: that’s been with my clothes on

Fraze: I’ll turn the light off if you want

Bea: no, I’m not insecure like that

Fraze: you’ve got too much to be confident about

Bea: I want to see you, properly

Fraze: I’ve missed you too

Bea: swear that too, so I know you weren’t just having a laugh the whole time you were out

Fraze: I was miserable, you can ask [the mate she was gonna go out with lol lol], I’ll swear it on his life when you do, while he’s still got one

Bea: bold to let me message him, like

Fraze: nah, I trust you and I’d be having more of a laugh getting to hurt him than I did out earlier if he’s not to be trusted

Bea: sure he is, she’s the mental one with the ideas

Fraze: I ain’t gonna repeat myself over how irresistible I know you are

Bea: like you need the excuse to fight anyone

Fraze: I don’t just fight cunts for fun, I’m not west like her

Fraze: but no shit I’d do it for you, as often as I had to

Bea: you don’t have to, I told you

Bea: I only want you

Fraze: I’ll only ever want you, no matter what, long as I live

Bea: don’t be mad about it, I’m better than anyone else you could want

Fraze: I’m made up about it, I’ll show you I am as well as

Bea: I can’t stand how good-looking you are

Fraze: don’t be mad about it, it’s all yours, for you

Bea: I won’t say it makes me crazy so soon after but

Fraze: I won’t call you a hypocrite again neither, whatever you say

Bea: I think maybe you could hold my hand and no one’d notice, next time

Fraze: How long have you been thinking it?

Bea: since dinner time when no one barely looked our way

Fraze: I could touch you loads

Bea: loads is optimistic, how quiet do you think I can be

Fraze: I’d bet on as quiet as you have to so I don’t need to stop

Bea: and what if I want to touch you?

Fraze: I ain’t worried about being loud

Bea: that’s not fair, or nice 🥺

Fraze: I’ll go redder than you though, probably

Fraze: I dunno what I’m meant to do for it

Bea: going red? Pretend you’re choking, she might take it as a pisstake though

Fraze: I’d be going blue then

Bea: not sure I can get away with that much at the table

Fraze: not sure I can telling her the food is a pisstake and tea’s loads better when you make it, have to keep that secret for us for now

Bea: I’ll make you [his fave thing] next time they’re out

Fraze: yeah?

Bea: not about to be a housewife for you but yeah, ‘course

Fraze: swear you don’t know nothing when no gardens on our street or the others near us have fuck all flowers left in ‘em

Bea: no one goes in my room, the evidence will be for my eyes only

Fraze: When are you gonna come into my room?

Bea: [do show up because you just wanna work out to deal with some of your adrenaline, not to the point of feeling sweaty and gross and defeating your purpose lol, knock so he knows its you but barely because do not need to alert anyone else]

Fraze: [not this boy dropping to his knees on this floor the second she’s through the door and it’s closed to eat her out like it’s his job by way of an extra af apology, god bless]

Bea: [god bless indeed, no one is more shocked than this girl but we meant that we’d missed you and we would’ve just from dinner before the fall out so that frustration has us climbing this door lowkey]

Fraze: [mhmm, feelings were sky high anyway and then only got higher after y’all argued, so could not be doing more to show her how sorry he is and everything else he feels right here and right now, thank god we can say his tv is on once again for the background noise you need here]

Bea: [make some attempt to get towards his bed because can’t deal with standing for this right now but lowkey just falling into his desk chair like that’s going to have to do because can’t stop you or ask you to move us, obviously]

Fraze: [love that for y’all, and that he can really make the most of the fact she is now sitting by being even more extra with all of this, including how he’s moving her in this chair]

Bea: [it’s quite the mood anyway so no one is complaining about it here and now, just here running our hands through your hair so intensely because biggest of feelings]

Fraze: [like, you might feel like you’re gonna fall off this chair with how feral he’s being but don’t worry he won’t let you, there’s another mood in itself in how tightly his hands are holding her when they are not getting themselves directly involved in the antics]

Bea: [putting your hands on top of his when they’re holding you, as if you’re comparing but also practising holding hands for the table ‘I’m sorry’ as something you can barely get out but very intentionally do]

Fraze: [we all know he’d lose his mind if he thought about her hands and the contrast between y’all’s in any way, as would I, so stay focused please, shaking his head when she says soz cos don’t need to but also to do the most with the movement of it and what he’s up to, including getting his nose involved in like a nuzzling eskimo kiss type of way because peeps be about that sometimes]

Bea: [we’re clearly about it and letting you know by clenching ourselves around you there, taking one hand back to put it over our mouth so we stay quiet]

Fraze: [he’s about putting his hand over her mouth too so everyone is having a lovely time, and about time too honestly lads, you could’ve been doing this so much earlier if you hadn’t had a domestic]

Bea: [sometimes you gotta, clearly, life is too stressful right now in all the other ways, something has to give, but right now we are only dying in the best ways]

Fraze: [mhmm, and unlike me who would sob, y’all actually do love having an argument so it’s fine really, you’re welcome for this enthusiastic af making up they are already doing rn and where it’s gonna lead to, I’m loling at the fact this chair is probably making more noise than she is with how well they are both doing at keeping her quiet rn cos desk chairs be like that, but at least you can throw this gal on the bed and keep going from there if you get fed up of it cos that’ll be another mood in itself]

Bea: [for real lmao, so squeaky, rolling all over the place too, get yourselves on this bed, taking the clothes we still had on, off, because not needed right now, thank you and got to show you we’re not insecure with you looking at us]

Fraze: [thank god she isn’t because he will be taking a minute to LOOK at her really intensely before he’s right back at it at krispy kreme cos simply MUST]

Bea: [not saying you’re not blushing but you’d already be flushed, just casually touching your nips when he’s watching you, making eye contact back ofc]

Fraze: [dying about it and biting his lip in the moment but taking it like an instruction after when he’s back at his feral antics cos doing the most but can always do more]

Bea: [moaning his name and pushing your body into him instinctively, not even sorry you did that at full volume because it had to be done]

Fraze: [GRABBING her boobs so roughly as instinctively when she moans his name plus giving her the most dramatic lovebite ever that lowkey puts the inner thigh one he did before to shame in comparison, sorry to that man]

Bea: [when you’re so about it you’re immediately hitting him with the ‘fuck me’ and using your own hands to keep his where they are]

Fraze: [using that boob hold to manoeuvre so he can position himself so his whole body is on top of hers and she can feel how about it he was and is, despite the stylish pjs/loungewear he’s still wearing, if it wasn’t obvious enough by the fact he’s doing his own quiet as always but very !! moan]

Bea: [the frustrated pleading noise that you are muffling, pressing your face into the skin that has just been placed in your reach, grazing your teeth against him, being restrained here whilst you’re GRABBING his thigh in return, roughly where he just bit yours and dangerously close to where he was purposely directing your attention]

Fraze: [we love to see this !! because same honestly, and the fact we can use that thigh grab to get out of his clothes because a necessary next step for y’all actually getting to do this finally, I doubt you have a top on knowing you as it’s not winter so we’re getting there and I’m sure when you knew this was on the cards you put your stolen contraception within reach so you can grab that by just reaching, putting it in her mouth for no reason whatsoever except you’re living for all her muffled sounds and clearly you just wanna see if opening and putting this condom on with her mouth is something she’s gonna attempt]

Bea: [just watching him get underdressed because so far from a novelty that has worn off at this point, conveying even more !! with our eyes, shaking our head at you putting this condom in our mouth because such a boy ‘you wanna be safe or not?’ teasingly as you take this out of your mouth and give him a playful shove because remember them always being like do NOT open the wrapper with your teeth in case you rip it]

Fraze: [obviously y’all do or else you would’ve hooked up earlier without anything and run that gauntlet, so have a little playfight about it for fun as if you’re challenging her like can’t you do it oh okay but ultimately don’t go through with it because tbf it would be an unnecessary risk at this point nobody’s wrong, do it properly because you’re both too !! to be messing around for long you’ve simply gotta have this first ever hookup and asap]

Bea: [just here like boy you know I can because have already given you head ‘I’ve got nothing to prove neither’ but there’s some hesitation in that, however slight, because sex feels like a bigger deal despite the fact it’s literally just another thing y’all can do and isn’t any more real than what you’ve been doing, ‘cos, you know, society]

Fraze: [‘course you don’t’ could sound sarcastic but is actually entirely sincere in this moment because she doesn’t and we love her, we all know he’s nervous too gal even though like my boo said it’s no different than the other feral antics y’all have gotten up to today and we’re not gonna do either of you dirty by having it suck in any way, expressing it for him via how he’s lowkey not hardcore struggling, but not putting this condom on in a pro and smug way, because important to highlight he’s feeling the same way]

Bea: [meanwhile taking off whatever clothes remained on you to show how unnervous you are about this all because you don’t want to be nervous for your own sake or the point of it being off-putting for him because you still wanna do this and there’s no way to make that clearer ‘it’s no big deal’ sounding as casual as those words are but the way we’re smiling slightly at you as we catch your eyes is not at all]

Fraze: [a nod which it is not at all clear if it’s directed at her clothes removal like yeah I still wanna do this too/okay we’re really doing this vibes, or at her nbd comment casualness or at the way she was not at all casual at the end there, but we all know how he really feels about all of this lol, the boy is incapable of being casual when he can be drama and peak romance, hence pulling her into him so there’s like no gap between them again at all while maintaining intense eye contact]

Bea: [the dramatic intake of breath as he closes that gap, as if you had to, to make room and make the closeness even moreso, meaning you’re kissing him without breathing here, closing your eyes with this kiss]

Fraze: [it goes without saying that kiss is EVERYTHING and would be even if the hookup wasn’t being instigated during it, as her eye close because it’s less nerve wracking obvs if y’all aren’t LOOKING at each other this first initial moment, I get that, meanwhile shoutout to his adorable noise like OH this is how this feels/is gonna feel because didn’t know what to really expect here]

Bea: [your own noise that is facilitated by the breath out as your body accepts his, making room and fitting together like it’s this exact science, attempting to look at him without him noticing which is obviously impossible with this proximity but that’s the coyness we’re bringing to it, having to check what it feels like for you, as if we can gauge that from this sound and your face alone]

Fraze: [this boy on the other hand is incapable of being coy so when he inevitably feels her looking at him, LOOKING back with everything he has, so !!, at the same time as moving her hair so there isn’t even a trace of it near her face so that he can study hers in its entirety as he starts going for this, because not gonna hold back or be in any way tentative now that we’re here and doing this, not that bitch and his nerves have obvs immediately vanished because of how his feels already so gotta do more and make it even better]

Bea: [‘Jesus fucking Christ’ just in case it was not obvious how close to coming undone we already are for all the reasons here and now, gripping onto his hand that is resting on our face because we have to, using the leverage to move involuntarily against you]

Fraze: [both deliberately and involuntarily doing the absolute most because egged on by every single one of her reactions, no notes, his other hand gripping her boob again for that throwback to earlier, using his mouth too so that his own noises in response are muffled because he clearly feels like he’s being loud cos of how !!! he is rn]

Bea: [we’re likewise focusing a lot of energy on being quiet whilst not killing the vibe in our own head, which obviously involves lots of kissing him all over and giving lovebites when needed to really stfu]

Fraze: [proud of you lads because it is something you have to be aware of while not letting that vibe die, he can and will also push her face into the pillows/duvet again if she’s being too loud, even if that requires some position switch ups to do, y’all are into it and you’ll be into the different sensations of said switch ups so]

Bea: [got your whole lives to try out all the things but you can definitely do some basic switch-ups here and now and appreciate the difference in the visuals and the feelings of, also we know for a fact basically that JoeRay are not subtle so lbr, you tell on us we tell on you lmao so you don’t have to be mimes about it for their benefit, just not the noisiest for the others]

Fraze: [mhmm, it’s only the younger kids you give a shit about here, unlike joeray the rude hoes who care about nobody but themselves, I’m sure they are being way more inconsiderate with whatever they’re doing than y’all will ever be so you don’t have to worry too much, which is good because as you get more feral and closer to losing it you’ll care less about being quiet/be less capable of it so, and I am gonna need him to fully moan her name the way she did his earlier when they were doing their feral antics prior to these, it’s important to me because he’s so quiet usually, I gotta show how !! this first time do be]

Bea: [Ray is literally telling Ali all sorts so the least of anyone’s worries, not that y’all know that but still, it’s the uncomfortable truth we all know to some degree but are not addressing; here and now with y’all though, the most dramatic reaction to him moaning your name, which really means rewarding him for it with going harder fully like !! yes, tell me more]

Fraze: [ofc dropping ily as well then, no less !! only more so if anything because as per egged on by her reaction and the fact that he can’t help but match it by doing more himself meaning they are both only getting closer and closing to losing it]

Bea: [here working ourselves up into a frenzy, not consciously deciding to do anything to further this but just naturally finding your way to it because it’s necessary at this point, of course we’re saying our own ily back, no hesitation or holding back on our own !!]

Fraze: [likewise being more extra in return because of how much her ILY back got to him, not as an actual conscious effort on his part either, just out here frantic because the depths of our feelings nbd]

Bea: [gonna have to let you die here, not even being able to warn him about it because it’s just happening and we can’t control that, holding onto you in every way possible]

Fraze: [at least you can do your own jfc at the way she’s cumming so hard and so uncontrollably before how that feels inevitably sets him off because how could it not as obvs his is as dramatic, out here grunting and gasping for breath in equal measure, excuse us everyone]

Bea: [back to just watching him again because could not find him any more attractive, doing all you can to catch your breath whilst that still feels impossible because of how hard you’re clinging onto him ‘fuck!’ as if you are genuinely surprised because feeling like that simultaneously was over before you knew it and you’ve been doing this your entire life]

Fraze: [soz that he won’t be helping the situation with how hard he’s holding onto her too, until he’s fully DEAD and pulls back slightly to try and catch his own breath + let her catch hers + look at her not as close up af because we all know she looks incredible rn in the aftermath of all that ‘I know, yeah’ because hard same gal, reaching over to grab a cherry drop which are still on his bedside table and feeding her it because neither of you can yet move enough to have the cliche post sex ciggy and that’s the next best thing]

Bea: [doing the hottest of hot lols because the way those words sounded so casual but you could not feel further from casual right now if you tried, raising your brows like oh, you know, yeah? ‘Of course you do’ so sincerely because we want you to have that kind of confidence always]

Fraze: [catch his boy touching her eyebrows so gently when she raises them, softly pushing them down in a yeah I do kind of manner before/as she can verbalise that she knows he does, a smile then much like the one she did when she caught his eye pre-hookup as if they are sharing a secret here]

Bea: [reaching for this bag of sweets to get him one too, as if you’re shutting him up but really you also want him to share in this moment]

Fraze: [my boo says have a sweet and maybe you’ll calm down and she’s so right for that, for me it’s the way he pulls her in as close as she was before when she’s back with that sweet like okay enough distance between us even though it was only a second]

Bea: [shamelessly cuddling here without making a thing about it but we all know that’s what you’re doing ‘your bed is comfy’ as an excuse for how long you’re blatantly going to spend here tonight]

Fraze: [making her more comfy in said bed, lowkey tucking her in here lol but with the same energy of not making a thing about it, just as if he’s like oh you haven’t seen nothing yet gal, shamelessly manoeuvring her and cuddling her back respectively]

Bea: [going with it like you got no other reason to be here like oh yeah, finally lol, but touching his face so softly as a non-verbal you okay?]

Fraze: [putting his hand over hers on his face as softly both to let her know he is okay and to non-verbally does his own check in because gotta, reminds me of when they were in the house and she first touched his cheek and then he put his there to let her know it was okay to touch him more, I loves it, only leaving his hand there for a sec but then doing his kissing each one of her knuckles individually thing once his has moved, still as soft but extra in how much attention he’s lavishing on each knuckle despite being a quick kiss each time]

Bea: [‘you’re so romantic’ which could be a pisstake but it is not because he is, not soz, we said what we said, brushing our fingertips over his lips after he’s kissed each of our knuckles]

Fraze: [‘you’ve gotta be romanced’ with total conviction because it’s giving the same energy as when he said she should be seen in full colour and she knocks him the fuck out, kissing her on the cheek in the exact same spot where she touched his]

Bea: [‘you’ve got to be the one that does it’ with as much conviction because no other romance will do, thank you, resting our head in the space between his shoulder and neck, giving him soft smooches there too]

Fraze: [putting his arm around her in a v protective manner like I would kill anybody else, because he would and that’s not just a threat he’s not carrying out, pulling her even closer with that move ‘you’re the one for me, end of’ no notes]

Bea: [making a small happy noise ‘cos we’re about it, obviously ‘I’m okay with that’ said like luckily for you and your end of but we truly are, there is no one else on the radar]

Fraze: [kissing her SO hard in a you better be type of way but also because he truly is thrilled as well]

Bea: [grinning into this kiss because we’re both living and we know it]

Fraze: [turning it into an absolute makeout sesh, of course, because y’all are living and you can]

Bea: [focus your energy into this, even though you feel in no way recovered yet, you cannot resist him ever]

Fraze: [god bless y’all, we had to creatively cockblock you from hooking up all day long so I can’t blame you if you wanna do this again already despite the blatant lack of recovery time, live your dreams]

Bea: [idk how many condoms you managed to procure but that’s your only limit right now huns lol]

Fraze: [I hope you managed to steal plenty because how frustrating otherwise lol imagine]

Bea: [I feel like the packs have at least 10 in, to like, idk, 30, standard, maybe I’m talking out my ass but that’s what I have in mind and you can’t be using more than that in a single night so we’ll be fine]

Fraze: [mhmm, even if it happened to be a friday and you haven’t got school tomorrow you still are gonna exhaust yourselves and need to sleep at some point]

Bea: [should I post this bit, feels like a good place to stop it?]

Fraze: [I was gonna say the same cos we know what the vibe is for the rest of the night and it’s on 20 pages anyway, it’s a decent stopping point and place to leave them for now]

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bartholomaus · 14 days ago

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POZIȚIA BIPEDĂ

Românii de bine, mulțimile, masele de români adevărați, patrioți cu gura mare și creierul cât nuca, se indignează adesea când se gândesc la neamul nostru cel românesc și la a sa istorie încercată. Mai ales stârnește indignare modul în care nemeșii unguri de neagră amintire, în frunte cu voievozii și principii la fel de unguri în cerul gurii au tratat biserica românilor.

Fiind noi un popor, s-o spunem pe cea dreaptă, de țărănoi neciopliți și limitați, care înafară de ortodoxie nu știm nimic altceva (și nici nu voim să știm!) ideea că biserica ortodoxă, n-așa, biserica celor aici de veci stăpâni nu era recunoscută ca receptă și egală cu celelalte e de natură să facă neamul de rând și pe notabilii românilor să vadă roșu înaintea ochilor.

Acum: am demonstrat în mod convingător, în nenumărate post-uri pe această pagină, că noi românii NU suntem aici de veci stăpâni, nu suntem continuatorii dacilor sau romanilor, suntem imigranți (ca pe tot întinsul actualului habitat românesc). Iar în Ardeal strămoșii românilor au început să vină de pe la jumătatea sec. XIII, dar mai vârtos începând cu sec. XIV. Vom mai posta și în viitor dovezi peremptorii în acest sens.

Dar venirea mai târzie nu ar fi fost neapărat o piedică în calea recunoașterii bisericii ortodoxe române ca receptă. Însă exista o cauză, foarte românească (sau valahă!) care a împiedicat și a subminat orice pretenție de recunoaștere a instituției eclesiale românești. O cauză pe care istoria oficială a românilor nu o amintește. De rușine.

Însă dacă vrem să începem regenerarea neamului românesc, așezarea societății românești pe baze în sfârșit sănătoase, pe adevăr, cultură și cunoștințe solide, se cuvine să privim problema bărbătește, în față, și s-o recunoaștem, cu vânjoșenie românească. Să ne-ncoiem deci, cu toții, fie bărbați, dar și femei (ele au de multe ori mult mai multe co@ decât bărbații de același neam). Nu uitați: trebuie să cunoaștem adevărul și numai adevărul dacă vrem să fim liberi.

Iată adevărul: societatea românească a sec. XIII- XVII, în covârșitoarea ei majoritate, era una a țărănimii primitive, înapoiate, inculte, analfabete, de o ignoranță deplină măritată cu obscurantismul cel mai debilitant, cu superstiții înjositoare și o înapoiere dureroasă. Unei asemenea stări i se alătura, corelativ, imoralitatea cea mai deplină. Nu știu cum se face, dar covârșitoarea majoritate a poporului trăia, în timpurile de aur ale ortodoxiei medievale și premoderne, într-o mizerie și o promiscuitate în care incestul era doar ocurență cotidiană; dacă vrea cineva să-și imagineze starea țărănimii strămoșești transilvane (dar și muntene sau moldave) să ia la citit rapoartele echipelor regale studențești ale profesorului Gusti. Dacă are stomacul gros, cititorul își va putea stăpâni senzația de vomă. Iar dacă nu, nu.

Iar preoțimea ortodoxă valahă- o spunem cu durere- nu era cu nimic mai brează, dimpotrivă. Preoți (de fapt popi) care de multe ori nu puteau fi deosebiți de țărani, deoarece nu aveau nici vestminte liturgice, oficiind (vorba vine) în straie țărănești; analfabeți, necunoscând Scriptura, Tainele, liturghia, orânduiala bisericii; incapabili să-și învețe credincioșii orice altceva decât superstiții și eresuri para-creștine (nu degeaba e atât de invadat imaginarul credinciosului român, până azi, de tot felul de credințe una mai aiuritoare decât cealaltă; necunoscând limba liturghică (bulgara slavonă) deci boscorodind în legea lor, scoțând vocabule care li se vor fi fost părând slavone- ne putem da seama ce instrucție creștină primea turma aflată pe recepție; popi trăind în desfrâu cu credincioasele, cu copii nelegitimi fără număr, fără nici o regulă; în schimb populând supranumerar, ca păduchii, așezările bieților români care, ignoranți, își rupeau de la gura copiilor subnutriți pentru a ține, uneori și câte 12-13 asemenea tenii late și lacome (numărul mediu al acestor pseudo- preoți pe sat era de 6-8!). O ierarhie bisericească cu totul laxă, de multe ori și în multe perioade imposibil de reconstituit deoarece nu exista, apărând când și când; și mănăstiri care în majoritate erau pur și simplu cuiburi de tâlhari îmbrăcați în sutane.

Că prezentăm adevărul poate s-o verifice orișicine: cu excepția unor firave activități cărturărești, la nivel elementar, și acela infuzat cu literatură profană, zodiacale, ghicitori și romane populare, ortodoxia românilor ardeleni dintre sec. XIII- XVII nu a dat nici un gânditor de forță, nu a autorat nici o carte de teologie demnă de acest nume. Iar această stare era foarte asemănătoare, în linii mari, și în societățile din Moldova și Ungrovlahia.

Mai presus de toate, capetele cât de cât gânditoare ale valahilor ardeleni conștientizau criza interioară a ortodoxiei, incapacitatea ei de reînnoire, de progres, de civilizare, de îmbunătățire a ființei umane a credinciosului, lipsa de spiritualitate și formalismul lipsit de esență al ortodoxiei. De aceea, elita românească fie a migrat către bisericile romano-catolică, mai apoi luterană, calvină, unitariană, fie a căutat să aducă ortodoxia locală în unire cu una dintre aceste biserici. În sec. XVI- XVII s-au experimentat unirea bisericii ortodoxe a românilor transilvani cu bisericile luterană, calvină, unitariană. Mișcarea nu a cuprins o masă critică de credincioși, în mare parte și datorită dușmăniei ignorante a țăranului român față de orice formă de civilizație și progres. Pe de altă parte și datorită intereselor egoiste ale majorității nobilimii maghiare, căreia îi convenea o turmă valahă neștiutoare de carte, incultă și ușor de dus de nas.

Și atunci, la sfârșitul sec. XVII, după tatonări, consultări și negocieri începute la vreo patru ani după venirea austriecilor în Ardeal (1691) clerul și elita laică a ortodoxiei românilor transilvani a hotărât Unirea bisericii ortodoxe a românilor transilvani cu Biserica Romei. Actul Unirii în credință cu Biserica Romei a fost adoptat la Marele Sinod de la Alba Iulia, pe 5 septembrie 1700. Unirea cu Biserica Romei a fost hotărâtă de cei 54 de protopopi, reprezentând 1582 de preoți, adică tot atâtea parohii.

Prin urmare, după 1700 Biserica Unită a fost UNICA biserică legitimă a românilor transilvani. Ea era tot o biserică ortodoxă, dar o biserică ortodoxă care făcuse act de unire cu Roma în condițiile prescrise de Conciliul de la Florența din 1439. Adică: 1. recunoaștea pe Papă drept cap al Bisericii Universale; 2. integra Filioque în credința proprie (doctrina purcederii Sfântului Spirit și de la Fiul, alături de Tatăl); 3. adopta credința în Purgatoriu; 4. recunoștea cuminecătura și cu azimă, nu doar cu pâine dospită. Atât. În rest, vestmintele preoțești, liturghia (care se va ține de-acum în română!), iconografia, arhitectura interioară a bisericii- rămâneau pe mai departe de inspirație bizantină. O situație identică cu cea a Bisericii Constantinopolelui între 1439 și 1453 (când are loc căderea capitalei și a Imperiului Bizantin).

Însă prin Unire se deschidea și în fața bietului popor român calea luminii, a școlii, a cunoașterii, a luminării și alungării ignoranței. Se deschideau școli care îi vor învăța pe copiii românilor ardeleni în românește; românii vor accede la studii înalte; nu întâmplător, primele valuri de funcționari și învățați români ardeleni și primii dintre ei care au acces la slujbe înalte răsar în sec. XVIII și sunt cei pregătiți în școlile greco-catolice. Pentru români, actul condus de episcopul Atanasie Anghel, acest erou civilizator, acest Moise al românilor, a reprezentat coborârea din copaci și ridicarea pe două picioare a românilor. Drumul nostru spre civilizație putea începe.

Repetăm: din 1700 SINGURA biserică românească legitimă în Ardeal a fost Biserica Greco-Catolică (Ortodoxă) Unită cu Biserica Romei. Mișcările centrifugale ale unor Sofronie de la Cioara sau Visarion Sarai nu au fost decât mișcări extremiste ale unor borfași fără căpătîi, instigate și susținute, inclusiv cu arme, bani și instructori, de puteri ortodoxe lipsite de scrupule și dușmane intereselor românilor: Patriarhia sîrbă de Karlowitz, Patriarhia de Constantinopole, Rusia. În urma acestor mișcări și datorită unor constrângeri externe (Războiul de Șapte Ani -1756-1763), pentriu a calma tulburările produse de țăranii ignoranți, superstițioși și fanatici, dar fără mult creier, Imperiul Habsburgic a încuvințat refacerea unei Biserici Ortodoxe nereformate. Dar aceasta a continuat să fie codașă și minoritară în Ardeal. Până la venirea unui arhiereu destoinic, numit Andrei Șaguna. Care și-a ales o echipă excelentă și, în colaborare cu autoritățile maghiare și austriece, a construit Biserica Greco-Orientală a Românilor din Transilvania și Ungaria, cea mai modernă și civilizată biserică ortodoxă a tuturor timpurilor și din tot arealul ortodox (1868-1948).

Și Biserica Unită, și Biserica Șaguniană, au fost distruse și desființate la 1948.

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