#Bad Brain Day

[lemonbalmgirl]

Yesterday was a Bad Brain Day and I didn't get to plasma to donate. I managed to get up relatively early today (esp after a night of insomnia) and just got done with my donation.

I didn't think I'd be able to get home in time for my counseling appointment, but apparently I still remember the OLD meeting time and it's an hour later than that. So, I should get home with 15 minutes spare. (Because I do video appointments.)

Plus, two packages are currently out for delivery and that will give me a little dopamine boost. 💜

[contentment-of-cats]

Sessions with the brain-fixer and solutions

So, my nightmares from medical trauma have not been fun. I know this is my brain's way of trying to process everything that's happened, but the sleep disturbance is hard to deal with. I'll have a run of good sleep, and then nightmares busting out of the cracks. My shrink tells me it's more common than anyone imagines. She's a good shrink, very to the point, and constantly tells me that the things I am going through - as much as they suck - are normal.

It's comforting not to be the only one.

The last round of nightmares edged into night terrors with a side of waking paralysis. Spiders, claustrophobia, missing cats, then in the dream I watched black tumors erupting from my body and knew I was dying. I couldn't use lucid dreaming, the terror was too overwhelming for thought, I just managed to wake myself up. I was awake for hours, even switching from bed to couch didn't send me back to sleep. I didn't want to take a Ramelteon (works on serotonin receptors and is non-addictive) or an Ativan (asked Onco to order me a couple for my MRI because of claustrophobia and now have a bottle of 120), so I was up from 2:00AM onwards.

Nightmares can't find me during the day. Naps are great. :)

So, she wants me to try neurofeedback - a kind of biofeedback. Biofeedback has always struck me as the wooiest woo, but I am old and now it's an evidence-based treatment. I'll give it a shot, but in the meantime my gabapentin dose gets a bump.

I can't believe that in these times, people want to censor talk about mortality, death, dying, and the process of disease, treatment, and so on. Skip the next paragraph if you're that extra.

I talked with her about The End. I said it was kind of comforting to have a general idea of what would kill me. I am okay with the concept of my mortality. It's not the end, but getting there that's the Big Scary. I've seen that part of the trip. I've prepared for it was much as possible, but in the end... well... we find out, don't we? Only 15 percent of people diagnosed with my type and stage of cancer come out the other end of chemo and radiation. Twenty people walk into a room and three will walk back out. I am deeply grateful to have had two-plus years of life when I wasn't sure that I would see my 56th birthday. It's been a lovely surprise.

[theadhddiaries]

ADHDer PSA

✨Floor time is important✨

If you feel any type of icky brained lay on the floor. Full body support is relaxing af and helps the crazy in your head chill out.

Join me as I write this from the floor.

[squarewolf77]

In a terrible fucking place right now. Like fucking want to cease existing. Can't keep dealing whit this shit. I have today. I hate the fucking medical and insurance racket. I hate my work rn. want to stop hating myself. Just fucking done. This year has been a lesson in just how much the setbacks never end.

[paparflames]

When silence annoys you but music annoys you but white noise/ weather sounds annoy you but anyone speaking annoys you but background noise annoys you but silence annoys you

[thescholarlystrumpet]

my brain: do something creative!! also my brain: not that. or that. not that either. nope. try again. [error message] brain, again: ugh what's wrong with you, just do a THING

[kiisuuumii]

how much is too much?

when do i actually tell myself that enough is enough?

i keep breaking my own heart, because... because why?

i don't want to let go. i want to prove to you that at least someone won't.

but you don't want my hand.

i keep reaching it out, stretching my fingers further and further.

i don't want to let go. i want to prove to you that at least someone won't.

but what good is it, to do this. to keep doing this.

when will the pricks from all your thorns be enough?

i stay gripping tightly to the blade of the knife.

i don't know the answer.

so i stay, digging your sharp edge deeper into the meat of my heart.

[king-carnivore]

I want to lay face down on a radiator

[karatekels]

My brain spent the day being problematic and convincing me (with no evidence, only insistence) that TIG has me blocked on social media, so I've been upset all day.

I know this is stupid and irrational but I've learned that sometimes I just need to wait out my brain until it decides to chill out and be semi-logical again. 🙃

But on the plus side I'm heading into writing the Gus Travis fic for DDO with a whole bunch of darkness within me, which should hopefully make for some good writing for this depraved fic!

Me trying to exist normally when my brain is being dumb:

[shouts-into-the-void]

Tis a bad brain day today

[paranormaljones]

having one of those days at work where i just want to bite everyone who talks to me. like an overstimulated small dog

[pyxisspeaks]

I hate trying to break away from the thought processes I was raised in.

It's so hard.

I know I shouldn't complain bc it could be worse but having to focus all my energy on not freaking out because my partner needs alone time to cool down.

I hate sitting here reminding myself that he's not going to abandon me just because he had a long day and we had a disagreement.

[emmie-time]

Hey gamers how do you combat dysphoria on a day to day, I am usually pretty good but I'm in a prize fight with my brain today and I'm 3 points down. Advice pertaining to the transfem experience is supper appreciated but any help would be great!

I guess either like comment your thing or use the tags cause like I could use all the cool tips I can get.

[evilwickedme]

Whomp

[monaisme]

I'm supposed to be writing.

[thatski]

bad brain day