#BUT I'M THINKING ABOUT GETTING CHICKENS???

[ode-to-fury]

Oh god I'm thinking about that almost kiss with Lucanis and someone on here said he chickens out not because of spite but because of how scared he is of making his own decisions... he's just lost his grandmother who had basically been puppeting him his whole life to such an extent that she trained him specifically to be a mage killer assassin. Like he couldn't even choose what to kill on his own. 'Death is my calling' yeah lil buddy you don't even know there's another option. It's all tied up together with the love and approval he gets from Caterina for doing it... and then Rook. It's like a wrecking ball to everything he's ever known about himself and his life. I don't think this man has made a choice of his own more complicated than 'what do I wear today?' In his whole 30-something years of existance, and all of a sudden he has to deal with falling in love? Couple that with deciding Illario's fate and Caterina tying that into being First Talon and my man is probably catatonic. And then that pantry scene... do you think he's thinking 'would Caterina approve?' do you think she crosses his mind just then? Do you think he realises this is something he wants for him? For the first time?

[radioisntdead]

I have another one! Rosie, Velvette, Verosika, and Loona (respectively) x reader.

Reader 'dies' in a big heroic explosion/self sacrifice way. Then a day or two later, they get a text from reader that is legit just the "I lived, bitch." meme; them all bandaged up in a hospital bed giving the middle finger. How they react to the initial death and the surprise text.

(Cartoon violence rules are in effect, so don't be afraid to let any of them be angry if you see fit.)

THE WAY I LOVE THIS REQUEST??! THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE RARAR

Warnings: None but this isn't taken seriously at all, it's pure crack and silliness, some of these are a little short because I'm writing them while sleep deprived

Rosie

You died during extermination day, based off reports from other cannibals you saved one of the cannibal kids [who shouldn't have been there in the first place where the fuck are their parents?!?] In exchange for your own life.

You had a empty funeral, she cried whilst holding your portrait, she has a little memorial for you in her house.

Now I imagine Rosie doesn't have a modern phone, so imagine her surprise when she receives a letter from you??

You?? Her darling who died??? Was this some type of sick joke???!?

Inside the envelope the letter only contained a few words, no apologies just.

"Greetings Ro-ro!! I'm alive!!!!! Was in a coma but I'll be home soon!!! <3"

With a picture of you giving heart hands in a hospital.

[disclaimer your wounds are not as bad as Captain Curly's from mouthwashing.]

HOW ARE YOU SO CAUSAL ABOUT THAT??? WHAT THE FUCK???

You didn't specify where you were, so she had to play detective to find out where you were because WHAT IS THIS???

The moment she finds you, you are going to get SMOTHERED with affection but not before getting scolded because??? The letter??? You think you're cute being all "Teehee I was in a coma!! I'll be home soon teeheehee (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)"

AND NOT PUTTING YOUR LOCATION??? GET RECKED THE NURSES ARE NOT SAVING YOU FROM ROSIES WRATH.

On the bright side she feeds you soup until you're all better!!! It's chicken soup!!

Chicken sinners are still chickens.

Velvette

You!!! You!!!!!

Do you know HOW WORRIED SHE WAS WHEN SHE REALIZED YOU SNUCK OUT TO FIGHT WITH THAT HOTEL?!?

Do you know how she held her breath when you decided to sacrifice yourself?? And of all people you decided to sacrifice yourself for, an EGG?!? A FUCKING EGG WITH A TOP HAT!!?!?!?

The stupid camera filming it was knocked out of the way before she could see if you survived.

Do you know how she had to act nonchalant when Vox's drones returned telling her that there was no trace of you anywhere???

Do you know how she wept for you? Do you know the TRIBUTE POSTS SHE HAD DRAFTED??

She was arranging a FUNERAL FOR YOU!!!

and you have the nerve to text her.

"I lived, Bitch."

With a blurred selfie of you bandaged, WITH THE FUCKING EGG?!??

THE NERVE OF YOU????!?!

You are going to WISH you died because she's beating your ass!!

She's storming into the hotel finding you and beating you up with a selfie stick.

You'll be okay, eventually, she's dragging you back to the Vee's tower.

Verosika

Do you know how heartbroken she was when she heard you died? From Blitzø nonetheless? That you apparently died during a mission gone wrong?? Saving some other member of I.M.P?

She mourned you for 48 hours until she got a text from you.

"I'm alive!! I'm stuck here help!"

And you weren't dead, you were alive!!! And from the looks of it you were stuck in a fucking Walmart.

Turns out you didn't die! But you did get stuck in a Walmart for two days with a dead phone, hiding in the ceiling and sneaking food and other things when the lights were out.

You finally managed to snag a outlet and charge your phone to contact her!! And the rest of I.M.P to get you back to hell.

Afterwards she's not letting you out of her sight for AWHILE, tell Blitzø you're on vacation.

Loona

Hey so, what the fuck???

You DIED saving her, pushing her out of the way of something.

She cried, nothing Blitzø or anyone could do or say would cheer her up, your friends mourned you, they planned a funeral.

But YOU HAVE THE NERVE, THE NERVE TO SHOW UP, AT YOUR OWN FUNERAL?????

WHO DOES THAT??

you apparently

everyone's mourning you, saying speeches and you're just in the audience, and eventually you lean over to her.

"I should've asked this earlier but who's funeral is this?"

"WHAT THE FUCK?!?!"

After all the hugs and "You're alive!!!!?!?"'s

you get smacked because WHY WOULD YOU SACRIFICE YOURSELF??? AND THEY THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD???

Apparently no! You just got knocked unconscious, probably got some brain damage now, you got stuck on earth for a hot minute but you were back now!

GOOOOOOOD EVENIN' FOLKS!!!! THANK YOU FOR TUNIN' IN I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!!

I'm working on a little animatic with my OCs rn and it's EHABGEEHSB I also got some fics cooking, speaking of cooking I'm hungry I should eat breakfast, which I normally don't despite it supposedly the most important meal of the day! Also I'm getting unwillingly dragged into another fandom, this time it's Sonic, Sonic underground got me when I was 11 and it's come back for me but this time it's the entire franchise wish me luck.

ANYWAYS have a wonderful rest of your night folks!!!

Psssssst!!!! Join our discord!!!! It's radio themed and any fandom is welcome!!

[poetry-protest-pornography]

I loved the besties vs brothers chicken fight, okay?

I loved them all goading Fadel into being silly and being "a kid", because none of them really got to do that without trauma, but Fadel has reacted to that lack of play by locking himself down and hasn't given himself an outlet like the others have.

But he takes to it so easily. Look at how happy he is, just goofing off with his brother and the two people they love. Look at how much they love and trust each other, and how easy it is for them to be silly instead of stressed out with each other!

They're brothers! And how long has it been since they just got to be brothers? Got to be two guys in their twenties, just taking time to have fun?

We've seen a lot of the bickering and needling that comes with siblings, but this is the first time they're smiling together.

And like:

This is all Bison wants. He wants a brother he can talk to and be goofy with and support and feel supported by. He has said to Kant multiple times how much he just wants to see Fadel happy. Bison wants to be a family, and I think it's plain enough that Fadel also wants that, he just didn't know he was allowed to until now.

Anyways, I'm emotional about brothers who weren't allowed to have childhoods, and the men they get up to be getting to goof around like kids for a little while.

[le-fruit-de-la-passion]

Jayce and Viktor get White Castle or other greasy food when working because brain food

Ok so funnily enough, I have actually never had White Castle!!! Canada doesn't have a lot of the popular American fast food chains, so every time I go to the States, I try to eat at one of them for the Experience (TM). I went to a Waffle House for the first time in Georgia a few months ago, and I'll admit I was slightly disappointed I didn't see a knife fight between two naked men over the kitchen counter, as I was promised.

I just kinda know White Castle as the square burger place, which I think is a horrifying concept (why would you do that????). Jayce would love that shit tho, he's definitely into gimmicky fast food.

Viktor would probably be more picky about fast food; things like very greasy meat or fries dunked in an unholy amount of salt would make him feel sick just from the smell. Sweets are much more his thing when it comes to guilty pleasure snacks. If they go out, he'll just take a few chicken nuggets, thank you very much (he always orders some extra for Jayce, who always says "no no V you don't need to, I have enough food, I'm not gonna be hungry", but to no one's surprise, he eats them every time. His stomach is a bottomless pit. He's gotta feed all those muscles somehow).

[ragnarockz]

I'm curious and having a hard time picturing this one

What are Vidal and Agnes' typical orders whenever they go out? And do they get an appetizer to share?

I'm talking like a nice place too

-☕🖤

Oooooh

Agnes: meat for sure, so if it's a nicer place, probably filet mignon (she's a steak and potatoes kinda girl) and yes, she would eat her veg that comes on the side with it. Meat or a pasta dish, and she's happy 🥩🍝

Vidal: she's more open to trying new things, so maybe if there's a special that day, she'll try it - I can honestly see her getting just about anything to eat. I can see her just getting like a Mandarin orange chicken salad 🥗 🍊 (this place I used to go to made them really good!). Or like, pasta al limone or pasta con la ricotta 🍝

Appetizer I think it depends more on if Agnes is hungry and can't wait for her main 😂 Probably crab cakes or even just some bruschetta to tide her over until their meals come

I mentioned this before, but Agnes will always let Vidal try her food 🥺

Also, I know you didn't ask this, but are they dessert girls? Oh sure.... they always have room for dessert 😌😏 (no, because Agnes would actually want a slice of pie and a cup of coffee if they have it 😂)

[lcvebuckley]

a recipe for disaster (and love)

written for @bucktommyfluffebruary

prompt : day 2 - cooking together | word count : 1.6k | rated : G

a little late but this prompt is the first one i've worked on and it's been in my drafts since mid-jan so i was so excited to share this!! it took a bit longer to edit cus it's my first attempt on a crack-ish fic and i'm a little skittish about it hhh also might be a little ooc for tommy but let's just pretend he can't cook 👍

enjoy! ♡

“Babe, I don’t think this is right,” the older muttered, frowning at the bowl. “How many cups of salt did you say it was? Two right?”

Silence.

“Tommy,” Evan said slowly, walking over like he was approaching a wild animal. “I said two spoons, not cups.”

Or in which Buck's cooking lesson had gone wrong.

full version below or read on ao3

------------------------------------------------------

It started with a complaint. Not the typical “I’m hungry” complaint, but the kind that simmered just below the surface, coming after a long shift, a bruised shoulder, and precisely zero decent meals. Tommy had been running on caffeine and protein bars all day, the kind of combination that made him cranky enough to snap at his own reflection if it looked at him wrong.  

By the time he got back to his place, he was a walking embodiment of exhaustion and mild annoyance. Evan was already home, cheerful and relaxed, humming to himself as he moved around the kitchen with ease, a pan sizzling on the stove, the scent of garlic and something buttery filling the air.  

Tommy’s stomach growled aggressively, which he thinks was quite obvious since he noticed how the younger froze before turning around, flashing that annoyingly perfect smile—like he wasn’t out here casually committing acts of culinary excellence while Tommy was out there fighting for his life with a vending machine that ate his dollar earlier.  

“Hey, babe!” Evan greeted, wiping his hands on a dish towel, his curls slightly damp which Tommy assumed is from a recent shower. “I made dinner.” 

The older dropped his bag by the door, kicked off his shoes, and trudged over, not forgetting to lean in for a quick kiss. Having Evan to come home to has been the perfect antidote for his bad days and today was no different.

The plate Evan set down was a work of art—some kind of roasted chicken with golden, crispy skin, surrounded by perfectly seasoned vegetables. It looked like it belonged in a magazine. 

He picked up a fork, took a bite, and nearly groaned out loud. It wasn’t fair. Nothing should taste this good.  

And that’s when it happened. The words escaped before he could stop them.  

“You know,” Tommy started, casually enough to pass for nonchalant—except it wasn’t. Not even close. Evan looked up, attention snagged instantly. “I’m jealous the 118 gets to eat your cooking every day while I have to wait two days just to see you, let alone have dinner together.”

Evan blinked. Once. Twice. Then a slow grin—the kind that made Tommy’s stomach flip in that irritating, lovesick way—spread across his face like Tommy had just issued a personal challenge. 

“Oh,” Evan said, leaning against the table, arms crossed in the way that made his biceps look unnecessarily good. Tommy tried not to think about that because, apparently, his offhand comment had intrigued his boyfriend more than intended. “Is that the problem?” 

Tommy realized what was happening a second too late. He could’ve backtracked. Played it off. But no, his pride wouldn’t let him. 

“Yeah,” he muttered, stabbing another forkful like it had personally offended him. Which it kind of did in a way. “Must be nice, having a personal chef at work. Meanwhile, I’m over here with dry sandwiches and sad granola bars.”  

Evan’s grin only grew. “You could just… learn to cook, you know,” his voice was dripping with amusement, his eyebrows arching like he was already imagining the thought of Tommy cooking.

Tommy shot him a look. “Excuse me?”

“I mean, if it bothers you that much, I can teach you.” Evan’s voice was annoyingly casual, like he wasn’t shattering Tommy’s fragile ego with a single sentence. “That way you won’t miss my cooking so much when I’m not around.”  

Tommy couldn't help but to feel a little offended. “I can cook,” he protested. Sure, he wasn’t exactly Evan-level in the kitchen, but he’d made eggs and bacon before. Perfectly edible eggs and bacon. There was also that one time he tried stir-fried rice… but he preferred not to talk about that.

Evan bit down a chuckle. “I didn't say you can't,” he replied, his face morphing into that smug look Tommy secretly loved—but also knew meant he was about to get teased within an inch of his life. “I just think you’re… a little amateur.” he finished, his hands waving around as if they could make his words feel less like a stab.

Tommy’s mouth opened, then closed. He couldn't even deny it.

“Which is why I’m willing to teach you,” Evan added. “I’ve perfected my skills over the years thanks to Bobby, and I think you’ve got potential—as long as you follow my instructions,” his grin stretched wide, all gleaming teeth and overconfidence.

Tommy, of course, could never say no to Evan.

And that’s how, two nights later, he found himself standing in their kitchen, sleeves rolled up, apron on (which obviously comes from Evan’s apron collection), and he's glaring at a box of spaghetti like it owed him money.  

Evan’s so-called “lesson” started off easy enough. They were making pasta carbonara—simple ingredients, simple steps, Evan had said. Foolproof.

The younger moved around the kitchen like he belonged there, confident and effortless. He cracked eggs with one hand, diced pancetta with precise flicks of his knife, all while humming some random tune. He assigned Tommy the “easy” tasks, which felt suspicious.

“Just start boiling the pasta and mix the seasoning for the sauce. I’ll handle the pancetta,” Evan said, flashing a grin like this wasn’t a setup for failure. Well, Tommy's failure specifically.

Tommy nodded like he understood the assignment. In fairness, it sounded easy. Boil water. Season the egg mixture. No problem.

Except now the mixture looks odd and Tommy felt like he did something wrong. “Babe, I don’t think this is right,” the older muttered, frowning at the bowl. “How many cups of salt did you say it was? Two right?”  

Silence.

The kind of silence where you could hear Evan’s soul leave his body.

“Tommy,” Evan said slowly, walking over like he was approaching a wild animal. “I said two spoons, not cups.”

Tommy froze, the whisk dangling from his hand like a weapon of culinary destruction. His brain short-circuited. Embarrassed? Yes. Stupid? Extremely.

The younger burst out laughing and started wheezing as he clutched to his sides and Tommy groaned, dropping his head onto the counter in defeat. “I feel like an idiot.”

Still laughing, Evan slid behind him, wrapping his arms around the older’s waist in a warm back hug. His laughter softened as he pressed a gentle kiss to Tommy’s shoulder, resting his chin there. It was supposed to be comforting, probably. But it was distracting. Evan’s warmth pressed against him, his breath brushing against Tommy’s ear, and suddenly the bowl of regret salt mixture didn’t seem so important.

“You’re not an idiot,” Evan murmured, though his voice was still shaking with amusement. “You’re just… aggressively enthusiastic about salt.”

The older groaned louder, trying to bury his face in his hands. But Evan was relentless, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of Tommy’s neck and shoulder, his arms tightening in comfort. “You’re doing fine,” he murmured, even though he was still chuckling. “Seriously. Look at you, whisking that mixture like a pro.” 

Tommy huffed, turning slightly to glare, but the younger just smiled and stole a quick kiss, all soft and sweet like he wasn’t still laughing internally. Tommy wanted to laugh along so bad but instead he groaned, dropping his head back against Evan’s shoulder. “I'm still an idiot.”  

“You’re my favorite idiot,” Evan whispered, punctuating the words with quick kisses along Tommy’s jaw, peppering them like little apologies for laughing. “Plus, you’re way too hot to be bad at anything. It’s honestly kind of comforting that you have flaws.”  

God, Tommy felt both flustered and annoyed. He swatted at Evan’s arm half-heartedly, but the younger just laughed and kissed him again, this time lingering a little longer, soft and warm against his cheek.  

The chaos didn’t stop there. In the distraction of affectionate teasing, the pasta water boiled over dramatically, sending a hiss of steam into the air like it was personally offended by their public display of affection. Tommy panicked, knocking over the pepper grinder, which rolled off the counter dramatically like it had somewhere better to be.

Eventually, by some miracle, they salvaged the dish. Somehow.  

The carbonara wasn’t perfect. Slightly too much salt—even when they redid the egg mixture that was Tommy’s salt disaster mix, the sauce a little thicker than Evan’s usual. But it was edible. Decent even. Good enough to stop Tommy from complaining about not having Evan’s cooking every day. For now.  

They collapsed at the table, Tommy stabbing his fork into the pasta with exaggerated exhaustion. He tasted it cautiously, then nodded. “Okay. It’s not as good as yours, but it’s not terrible.” Evan also took a bite, chewing thoughtfully before smiling. “Told you. You’ve got potential.”  

“Remind me to not ever do this again,” Tommy muttered, shoving his plate aside and reaching his hands toward Evan. After the day he’d had���culinary disasters and enough salt to season an entire city block—all he wanted was to hold Evan’s hands and forget about the embarrassment.

The younger grinned, propping his chin on one hand like he wasn’t responsible for half the chaos. “One dish isn’t gonna keep your mouth shut, baby.”

Still, he reached over with his free hand, letting Tommy intertwine their fingers. His grin softened as the older absentmindedly played with his fingers, tracing the lines of his knuckles like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Tommy rolled his eyes, squeezing Evan’s hand gently. “Can’t you just cook for me?” he asked, practically begging. He even tried to do one of those wide-eyed looks Evan always pulled whenever he wanted something—big, dramatic, puppy-dog eyes. But judging by Evan’s snort, it wasn’t nearly as effective. Mental note: work on that.

The younger shrugged, casually smug. “Maybe when we’re married and I become your househusband, sure,” he said with a wink. “But for now, you’re on your own.”  

Tommy blinked, pretending to be caught off guard. He forced a laugh, but inside, his heart did a somersault. Little did Evan know, there was already a ring hidden in Tommy’s sock drawer.

Yeah, Tommy thought, stealing one more look at Evan’s soft smile, maybe not for long.

[blubushie]

dad what do we do when the world goes to hell. im scared

Survive.

If you have the money, buy a firearm and learn how to use it. Nothing crazy—a .22 rifle is good enough. It'll take an elk if you know where to shoot.

Plant a victory garden and learn to can. Root vegetables and proteins are your best friends—that means potatoes, onions, garlic, legumes like peas and beans. Cowpeas are good if you live in an arid region in case you can't afford water or don't have water in accessible enough quantities to be using it for crops. If you have the space, allow for corn as well, as long as it's not sweet corn. Get Dark Star zucchini—it's a cultivar bred for drought conditions, with deep roots—along with melons like rockmelon and pumpkins, and also tomatoes. All of these are deep-rooting and will be able to water themselves with little supplementation if your water is limited. You'll also want crucifer crops for the sake of vitamin C. Crucifers don't use much water either.

(Make a rain barrel, on that note.)

If you have the outdoor space, you want to have rabbits. Rabbit meat tastes like chicken, it only takes a few months for them to reach slaughter age (you'll want to do this when they're around 5lb/2kg for maximum profit on the meat), and they will thrive on nothing except access to fresh grass or dried hay. They're silent, so your neighbours won't complain about noise that could get your chooks taken away in a suburban environment, they're easy to house, easy to slaughter, easy to skin, you can sell their hides or use them yourself if you learn how to tan them and work them, and the best part is that rabbits are considered one of the best producers of cold manure. Cold manure means that you don't need to compost their manure before using it, as it won't burn the roots of your crops. The ONLY downside to rabbits is that their meat is extremely lean. If you eat nothing but rabbit meat, you will starve to death. You need to supplement fat from elsewhere, which brings us to our next bit...

Pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds are your best friend if the agricultural system completely shuts down. You can grow both of these at home, and the seeds are high in fat. Your body and brain (ESPECIALLY YOUR BRAIN) needs fat to survive. This is why people starve to death when they only eat rabbits or squirrels or other small, lean game. Another good source of fat is fish, especially salmon and trout, but your ability to find those depends on your location.

I'm telling you all this because it's how my grandparents got through the Great Depression. I hope you won't need any of this, but it's here just in case.

Above all else, just help each other. Be there for your neighbour so that they'll be there for you. Be patient. Be kind. Be understanding. "What you have done for the lowest amongst you, so you have done for me." I think Jesus said that, or something.

[v3lvet-midnight]

Hello! I'd like to request for a DC matchup please. ^^

Name: Aurora  Pronouns: they/them Character preference: Someone from teen titans or the batfam

MBTI: INFP Enneagram: 4w5 sp/sx Zodiac: Cancer Moral alignment: True neutral (leaning slightly towards lawful evil)

Personality: Introspective and rational, terrified of conflict. I daydream a lot and tend to space out when I’m not talking to someone. I’m a true introvert, but I love to talk to certain people and about things I find interesting, like my fixations or a fun hypothetical situation. I observe people more than I want to interact with them. I'm also good at reading people (to the point where my brother thinks I can read people's minds). Purple represents me best as a colour.

I value my authenticity, creativity and emotional intelligence (I can’t say I’m really empathetic, but I listen to people when they need me to and I try to be there for them). But I am quite sensitive and emotional. I tend to remember events in which I was hurt easily. My friend would describe me as a jaded Disney princess because I daydream a lot and used to be idealistic as a kid but now I'm more of a realist/pessimist. They also say that I can be blunt most of the time.

Love languages: Giving - gift giving and quality time, receiving - words of affirmation and acts of service

Hobbies: Reading, looking for fanfiction with amazing writing styles (descriptions, vibes, the closer it reads like poetry, the better), writing (fanfiction for now, but I plan to become a professional writer in the future e.g. movies, tv shows, manga), listening to music, psychoanalyzing people, analyzing fictional characters, watching horror movie summaries and anime/movie reaction videos

Likes: POETRY, anime (mostly shounen, but I've watched some movies as well), manga, analyzing characters with many layers to them, personality typology (the closest thing I've had to a hyperfixation. my all-time favourite is enneagram, but I’ve had astrology and MBTI phases), personality quizzes, action or comedy movies, visiting cafes, looking at sunrises and sunsets, watching storms (LIGHTNING), crochet flowers and plushies (I don’t crochet, I just buy them), phone charms, the colour purple, window shopping, video essays (marketing - celebrities, not companies, somewhat deep topics like love and philosophy, literature and film analysis - especially themes of horror movies, despite me being too chicken to actually watch the moves)

Thank you for your hard work!

𝕷𝖔𝖆𝖉𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖈𝖍𝖚𝖕...

𝖈𝖆𝖘𝖘𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖗𝖆 𝖈𝖆𝖎𝖓- 𝖇𝖆𝖙𝖌𝖎𝖗𝖑

you're good at reading people, and as a girl with limited speech and mostly uses body language to communicate ...it fits in my opinion

she feels you understand her, and initially that's what brought you both together at least before Barbara taught her to speak. Cassandra was overjoyed the days you'd also join in on the lessons and help her it just made things more comfortable for her with you around

once she learned to read more, she definitely loved joining you when you did, doesn't matter where as long as she was close to you, she didn't mind it one bit <3

she was the one who confessed, after Steph helped her realize her feelings towards you. She probably let it slip out on a night of patrol

she notices your habit of buying crochet plushies, and she began getting you some. though she wouldn't give them to you up front, you'd just find them in your stuff or somewhere she knows you'd find them with a sweet little note from her

Shes also a good listener, and she will gladly lend an ear when you want to talk about something that you are excited about, she finds it endearing and your voice is something that's comforting to her so that's a bonus

⥅♡⤎

[eternalshewolf]

You're welcome! I love the idea of Ace still being called Firefist, and Luffy (and everyone else) getting extremely overprotective

I stole "bootleg Marineford" from one of my favourite fics featuring some excellent Ace&Luffy as well as quite a lot of ASL, Ace & Marco and Ace &Whitebeard pirates, Defenders Without Fear by FawntheFox (on AO3 & ffnet). It's an AU and to quote their author note on chapter 74 (this is one loooong baby, but the payoff is worth it): "don't worry guys, no one dies at bootleg Marineford, some people just like to salsa dance a bit with death". I guess it stuck XD

A few additional headcanons:

Random WBP: how the hell did you guys get so good at throwing and catching

Ace, only half-joking: I always wanted a dog and Luffy kept following me around so I taught him to fetch

Luffy will skid the entire length of a field, end up under a pile-up of six guys and once released spring back up like a bouncy ball "I'm okay!"

Ace definitely has a Mom voice which will make Luffy stop whatever he's doing and pay attention, but the first time he pulled it out the entire team sat straighter on instinct, even Whitebeard and Marco, and Ace will not let them forget that.

Sabo played soccer in high school and definitely thinks of himself as the sane member of the family.

Most of Ace's first paychecks went to paying Luffy's last couple of years of school fees, living expenses, etc. so unlike a lot of new players who splurge at first (I assume, again I know nothing about sports), Ace kept showing up at practice with the same ratty old clothing, on a rusty old bike, until Thatch and Izou shanghaied him into getting at least a couple of new outfits so he wouldn't ruin the team's image entirely. For the first weeks Ace and Luffy were both on the team, Luffy rode on Ace's handlebars to come to pratice, which sent half the team into cardiac arrest from the cuteness and the other half from the unsafeness. With them being both more financially stable, Ace is delighted to upgrade to an actual motorbike (*wink*) but they both refuse to let go of the tiny, cramped apartment they've lived in ever since they moved out from Dadan's.

Feeding Ace and Luffy is a sisyphean task that keeps the team's trainers in despair. No diet makes any change on muscle gain, weight gain or anything else. It doesn't matter if it's chicken nuggets every day or protein shakes. However, if they do not have something to snack on every couple of hours they WILL start chewing on the furniture and biting fingers. I'm guessing Ace doesn't have narcolepsy in this AU as that would interfere with his playing.

Whitebeard hasn't had this much fun in years. Especially watching Marco trying to run herd on his "baby husky with the zoomies" (stellar description, I love it) quarterback without getting distracted by the freckles, the fluffy hair or the big dark eyes full of secrets. Once Luffy joins, Marco officially gives up on sanity and starts to enjoy himself shamelessly.

I do not care at all about sports and the sum total of my knowledge about American football is what I remember from reading Eyeshield 21 fifteen plus years ago, BUT. I am now invested in the football AU. Ace and Luffy are the mascots of the team and everyone loves them. They can do no wrong in Oyaji's eyes and he will let them get away with murder. In return, both of them are seriously devoted to making the team The Best EverTM. The first time the Whitebeards saw Ace throw a hail mary pass they swore it was going way too wide until Luffy tore down the whole length of the field, leapt like the monkey he is higher than anyone thought possible and slammed that ball down. Now the Whitebeards know to expect anything.

Also in my head Ace is the canon 2-3 years older than Luffy, and while he only became his legal guardian upon turning 18, he has helped raised him and the Whitebeards do a double-take every time responsible Ace comes out. Before Luffy joins the team Ace has to beg early off practice to go to a parent-teacher conference. After they're both on the team Ace still makes him PB&J sandwiches after practice, unruffled by doing it in front of everyone in the locker room.

Bootleg Marineford is a game where everyone (and especially Ace, under a lot of pressure) has been physically and mentally wrung out. The Marines team keep trying to sack Ace and get closer and closer, but Marco digs in his heels and makes an impassable barrier of himself. Until there's a crack in the line... And a small opening forms where Teach, who has been fighting with everyone recently, but especially Whitebeard and Ace, stands. Offensive player Akainu, who probably weighs twice what Ace does, hits him like an avalanche. Ace goes down. When Akainu is finally dragged off him, he stays down.

Luffy and Whitebeard are sprinting across the field toward Ace, but Marco's mind has hit the blue screen of death. There's nothing but static behind his eyes as he stares at his fallen quarterback.

The game is suspended and put up for a rematch. Neither Ace nor Marco, who did his level best to murder Akainu right there on the field, play.

(Ace is eventually fine, but now knows up front and personal the effects of a long-term concussion).

Claims not to know that much about American football, proceeds to clearly and accurately describe the exact plot I was also imagining—

YES! Are you KIDDING ME? This is perfect, I’ve got more

They don’t call him ‘Fire Fist’ for nothing, the kid throws missiles. The way Ace and Luffy find each other across an entire football field drops most people’s jaws.

Luffy will track the ball wherever Aces throws it. If Luffy get’s hurt in a collision catching the ball, Ace firmly believes that’s his fault.

That being said, Luffy is notoriously indestructible.

Bootleg Marineford: (That’s a hilarious thing to call it btw)

There was a flag thrown the second Ace got hit. Yes, it was Teach’s fault for leaving an open window. And. Akainu was needlessly brutal. Whitebeard was cursing him out before they even hit the ground.

Luffy was incredibly protective over Ace while he was unconscious. There were cameras everywhere.

Marco needed three people to pull him off Akainu. Instead of apologizing, he later told the media he’d gladly do it again.

Ace is out for the rest of the season. He’s absolutely devastated. That being said, he stood on the sidelines for every game.

Physical and neurological therapy were a bitch. Lots of ‘long talks’ with Pops.

Of course, Ace comes back to the field as soon as he’s better. Now, playing with the most overprotective offensive line you’ve ever seen in your life.

Thank you for writing this, it was so much fun to read!! And there’s a lot I didn't even mention like the adjusted age gap (perfect for this) and parent teacher conferences— I love it all!

[cultivating-wildflowers]

Encountered my least favorite question in my interview this morning and, as usual, flubbed it. The question was the generic "what are your future goals/where do you see yourself in a few years?"

I said "I'm thinking about getting chickens."

[harocat]

I have a theory about gen z and millennials, so please help me out with this poll.

Please make sure to vote as to whether you got vaccinated as a child or not, if you did not get chicken pox. Take care, spread this around, and vaccinate your fucking kids. Poll is not exclusive to any country. Vote no matter where you're from.

[black-and-yellow]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

A-Qing, the little fox.

[tomwambsgans]

greg said actually i wanna take YOU out and I'M gonna pay for it

[starsxinxthexbluexsky]

The Untamed | Episode 36 [Drunk Lan Wangji And His Chickens]

⤳WangXian’s Favorite Scenes [19/∞]⬿

[kuroo-hitsuji]

The Dark Santa Mammon card... Unrealistic (/hj). I'm gonna be so real, as soon as I knew his ass wasn't possessed or cursed or something I would be eating that shit uP--

Mammon can be pushy. As a treat. On account of the whole being a huge sub literally 90% of the time thing shxhjsgdhzhx Very rarely Trying to be dominant gets you free Dom For The Day tickets in my book and Mammon has a surplus--