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fictionalsweethearts · 5 months ago

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SUBLIMATE THE PAIN | SEVIKA X READER | ARCANE

Synopsis: Sevika helps you to explore yourself and subside the pain and the shame of self pleasure.

Contains: comfort, soft!sevika, unexperienced!reader, wlw, first sexual experiences, soft talk, masturbation, fingering.

A pretty personal fic, tbh, but Sevika as a character seems to be patient and loving when it comes to sex and I'm here to write about it. Enjoy!

Sevika had promised you patience and comfort, a woman with her vast sexual experience knew the unpleasant and uncomfortable details of love. She knew the burning and the pain, the disgust, the sorrow, the shame and the numbness, and for that reason she had promised to accompany you in the process with as much patience as necessary.

She kissed you again on the neck, a mirror stood before you sitting on the bed, Sevika's vast hand ran over your breasts and her grey eyes looked at you through the reflection, inviting you to stop ignoring the signs of your body. Her breasts brushed your back, her mechanical hand gently parted your legs and revealed the juiciness and softness of your core.

"How do you pretend to touch her without knowing her?" The woman asked. "You ignore many things, babe."

Your cheeks burned with embarrassment since you had your first kiss of the evening, but you promised not to let shyness win you over this time. It was the third night and the third time you tried, the last two having ended with a sudden lock-in in the bathroom or tears of shame and frustration running down your cheeks.

"I can't. I swear I can't." You cried as Sevika kissed your wet cheeks.

"Of course you can, don't be like that with yourself."

You considered that Sevika could be your mentor in this unknown field for you, the guide that would allow you to understand sex as something more than a mere routine or necessary act. "To begin with, doll, we don't intend to have a child with this. Not even if we wanted to. Second, I've seen as many pussies in my life as I've smoked cigarettes and yours is undoubtedly beautiful."

You laughed to hide your shame, but Sevika meant it. She was decades ahead of you in sexual experiences, she knew the female anatomy in depth, taking the time to explore herself first. Sevika knew that no one could teach her how to have an orgasm, and she fondly remembers the first times she tried self pleasure in the silence of her room, picturing that pretty girl at the market who used to sell her peaches at a good price. It was another Zaun, more precarious, less saturated with pornography and violence, and certainly her brain needed little to start imagining. And the softness of the girl's breasts under her blouse, her long neck and olive eyes were more than enough to awaken that visceral desire in her.

She dedicated her first orgasm to that girl and her peach scent. It was in a way tender, but the starting point of an endless journey through the unexplored region of sexuality. She soon discovered that inserting a finger was pleasant, that if she moved it in a certain way, it was even more so. She discovered that her breasts were sensitive if touched properly, that her entire skin was a map of erogenous zones and tickles, that rubbing her pussy against the pillow was delicious, and that after an orgasm she slept better. And soon, as soon as she was over five foot seven and learned to smoke without coughing, Sevika discovered that touching herself tasted better if someone she liked did it for her.

"Slow." Sevika whispered, placing a kiss on your shoulder. "Look at yourself. What do you see?"

"My pussy." You whispered, barely giving your reflection time to look back at you.

"You say it like it's a bad thing."

"It's not bad it's…"

"Strange?"

"I don't usually look at my pussy, Sev." You groaned.

"You should, it's pretty." Sevika laughed, caressing your waist with her metal fingers. "Think of all the men who have been staring at their cocks for as long as they've been conscious of them hanging between their legs, do you think they feel ashamed?"

You hesitated. "No?"

"There are two things a man always believes to be true." Sevika said, her tone lighter. "That they have the fattest cock on the block and that they can duel a bear without weapons, and win."

You laughed, your legs shaking slightly. Sevika smiled back. "If only you had the confidence they have in themselves, doll. It would be all so different."

Your expression sobered, this time giving the gap between your legs a longer look, that much neglected organ that deserved just a little more recognition in your life and in the lives of many other women.

"Look at the labia majora, the shape of it, the length of it…" Sevika whispered. "It frames the labia minora, the ones closest to the entrance."

You'd seen them in some anatomy book at the library, but recognizing them on yourself was quite different.

"I should have shaved more." You groaned in frustration.

Sevika snorted. "Are you saying that because of you or me? Cause lemme tell you, a hairy pussy doesn't grosses me out. On the contrary."

"But it does to me."

"Mine repels you?" Sevika inquired, leaving you speechless for a moment.

"No…" you whispered. "Yours… it's yours."

"I see. Now think the same about yours, sweetie." Sevika said. "Yours is what it is and that's it. Don't you dare apologize for how your body looks. Do I apologize for not having an arm?"

And you fell silent once more. Sevika sighed, kissing your neck. “You get my point.”

Sevika reveled in your body, in your flushed cheeks and focused eyes. She loved seeing you present. “You’re already wet.” She whispered. “But it can get wetter. Take two fingers.”

Sevika brought you index and middle fingers parted to the sides of your entrance, urging you to press. “Massage, slow.” She whispered, showing you the movement.

You obeyed, following the motion timidly at first, until you soon understood the purpose. That movement, however subtle, opened a pent-up dam that began to make you wetter and wetter. You moaned, feeling the urge to touch the rest but Sevika held your wrist. “Start from edges.” She said. “Don’t rush it.”

It was one of your vices, quick, silent masturbation. With your legs closed, a hand on your mouth and your eyes closed tightly, as if you were committing a crime that you wanted to finish soon. They were fleeting moments of pleasure that later turned into disconnection with yourself.

But Sevika knew you deserved better than that.

With your index finger you traced circles on your labia majora, slowly while Sevika whispered in your ear, kissed it and bit your lobe, making you shudder subtly. It was a constant and gentle movement, with no other purpose than to explore yourself.

"Come closer to the center." Sevika whispered. "Apply pressure, rub a little."

Your eyelids fluttered at that tickling between your legs, the sticky and wet murmur of your folds that made Sevika moan softly and her breathing accelerate, her breasts pressing against your back. Your hips moved unconsciously, you looked at your hand through the mirror, delicately between your legs with the elegance of an erotic painting.

"You're so pretty." Sevika gasped. "Look how your cheeks blush."

"Yours too."

Sevika smiled. "It just turns me on like you can't imagine seeing you touching yourself."

Sevika was known to be an avid spectator. More than once she would abstain from participating and sit on the couch in the brothel with a cigarette between her teeth, asking her girl to give her a show. There was something about watching such an intimate ritual that stirred every nerve fiber in her. Watching them unfold before her, rubbing themselves the way they liked, moaning genuinely, shuddering, whimpering and sighing, being able to see how their own hand is able to take them on a roller coaster of sensations. That ritual held a power that Sevika was fascinated to behold, and tonight you were her apprentice and her muse.

Sevika squeezed your breast, playing with your hardened, sensitive nipple. She already wanted to taste them, but she had to be patient. The appetizer was your self-exploration, the dessert was her mouth between your legs.

"You know… when there's too much business to attend to." Sevika said, her grey eyes watching you. "I can't visit the girls, so I lay back on my bed with a cigarette between my lips…" she murmured. "And I squeeze my breasts. Over and over, I touch them… massage them… while thinking of old encounters, of sounds… smells. You know how I love smells."

"All of them." You whimpered.

"Yes… from the armpits to the neck, between a couple of breasts and a wet pussy." Sevika sucked in between her teeth. "All of them."

You remember how Sevika had taken to sniffing you the first time she had you. She inhaled the scent of your neck and the crook of your elbows, behind your knees and your armpits. It was a scent loaded with codes, codes that communicated intentions. The pheromones were the best card to attract the most finicky organ of the human body; the nose.

"Sev." You whimpered. "Can you…?"

"That would be the shortcut, so no. I won't touch you yet."

You groaned, tilting your head back as Sevika placed a kiss on the top of your head. "Patience." Sevika drew your hand to the shy hood at the top of your pussy. "Pamper her, that's what it's for."

You traced circles around it, letting out a gasp. Sevika kept her hand on your wrist, indicating the methodical and steady pace, drawing sweet moans from you. "I'm wet just by looking at you." She whispered.

You bit your lip, the urge to grind harder and harder. An orgasm was building inside you, steady and certain, as Sevika kissed your neck and motioned for you to quicken your pace. "Ah, fuck…"

"Moan better." Sevika said. "You can be as loud as you want here."

You whimpered, your hips seeking more contact as you moved and you rubbed against your hand. Sevika pressed her fingers against you, urging you on. "Keep going… don't rush."

"Ah, Sev."

"You like it? It's better when you don' try to cum in two minutes."

You hurried your hand, but Sevika held you back. This wasn't a race and you were certainly getting ahead of yourself. "Old habits die hard."

Her metal hand held your legs apart, her other hand ascending to your chin to make you look at yourself in the mirror again. “We’ll try again, okay?”

This part was the one you liked the least. It wasn’t just the pain, it was the accumulated frustration from past sessions with no results. Sevika told you it was all in your head, that you were just as deserving of this pleasure as others. But you still felt skeptical.

“Middle finger.” She whispered, bringing it to your entrance. “Just press, darling. Soften your entrance.”

You pressed your lips together, obeying her command even though you preferred to rub. You eased the tip of your finger, gently moving it in circles. “It already burns.” You whined.

“I know. We talked about sublimating pain, remember?” You nodded. “Your body is already relaxed, you’re wet. You need to focus on breathing.”

It seemed that when it came to penetration, your body locked up. It was an overwhelming burn, a wall of fire if you will, closing in around your fingers and keeping you from entering. Sevika had tried this in the past, drawing whimpers from you that would never stop causing her guilt. This time, however, it was about allowing yourself to do it.

"I don't like it, Sev."

"You don't like it because you're predisposed to suffer." she insisted. "I know you can, babygirl."

You looked at Sevika through the mirror, her grey eyes soothing you. "Breathe, deep. One… two…" you inhaled, your hand between your legs, the wall of fire present. "Three. Exhale…"

You dared to venture deeper, your walls coupling to your finger as the burn quickened your breathing. "Shh." Sevika kissed your neck. "Breathe again."

One… two… three…

Exhale.

“Ah…” you moaned, inserting the last bit of your finger and feeling the latent but less painful tension. “Mhm.”

“Good girl, look at yourself.”

You opened your eyes, looking at yourself in the mirror. The palm of your hand rested against your clit, your finger inserted all the way in, like a new but unrejected intrusion. “Sev.”

“I told you you could, you're taking it whole.” Sevika smiled. "Can you move it?"

You barely curled your finger, but you recognized the rugous wall inside you. "Yes…" you moaned.

"Breath for me." continued Sevika, gently taking your wrist as she motioned you to curl your fingers once more. "One... two..."

"Mhm, Sev." you moaned, your eyes closing. "Fuck."

"Does it hurt?"

"The pressure." you managed to explain.

"You're tensing, baby. Relax..." Sevika let out a pant, kissing the side of your neck. "You're doing so good."

You endured and took a deep breath, curling your finger against the inner wall Sevika talked you about. You felt a tickle, barely diminishing due to an increasingly timid pain.

And Sevika seemed pleased. "You did good, baby. Rest."

You pulled your finger back when the pressure forced it, only for Sevika to cup your chin in her fingers and pull you in for a long kiss. "Well done." She said between kisses. "Fuck, you looked so beautiful."

Sevika showered you in kisses, from your mouth to your navel, repeating how proud she was of you. "You've crossed the threshold, gorgeous. You just need to practice."

You smiled, feeling the hint of a happy cry build up in your throat. But Sevika cheered you up with another kiss. "We'll try again tomorrow. Sooner than later I'll have you cumming in my fingers over and over again."

You chuckled, watching Sevika kiss your inner thigh. "It's rude to look at the food without eating it, y'know?" you teased her.

"How rude of me." she purred, her kisses coming closer to your wet and now dilated pussy. "You better moan properly, doll."

"All you want."

#arcane #arcane fanfic #arcane s2 #arcane sevika #sevika arcane #sevika x reader #sevika x y/n #sevika x you #sevika #sevika my love #sevika smut #arcane smut

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astrosamara · 8 months ago

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Astrology Observations #6

Happy Halloween! 🎃🎃🎃

🧡 Sun square Saturn people feel like they need to work twice as hard to achieve success that appears to come more naturally for others. Incredibly hard on themselves if they feel like they're not being productive enough or doing enough, yet they work relentlessly towards their goals and overcoming obstacles. It's hard for them to recognize their achievements or to feel proud of themselves.

🧡 Unaspected planets in the birth chart tend to manifest as a very pure representation of that planet. For example, an unaspected moon can be very emotionally expressive and reactive. Emotions run freely here. An unaspected mars needs to be busy all the time, high stress and aggression can be hard to keep under control, and they can be very competitive.

🧡 The house Venus is in is crucial to understanding someone's values and what they need to feel loved and appreciated. For example, I know a 3rd house Venus who talks to me a lot about how much they can't stand miscommunication and liars. They really value open and honest communication. I plan on creating an in-depth Venus post in the future :)

🧡 This might be an unpopular opinion, but I found my Jupiter return to be pretty underwhelming. I experienced a lot of ease in my life and I feel like I was able to get out of difficult situations pretty quickly, but other than that it wasn't quite what I've seen it made out to be. I've had quite a few people in my life have Jupiter returns recently and it was underwhelming for them as well. It's possible my 12th house profection year and 12th house Saturn transit was overshadowing my Jupiter return though.

🧡When Venus transits my 3rd and 9th houses, I notice I have a stronger desire to travel during these periods. I just want to be out and about and exploring new places and new cities. I'm usually a big homebody, but during these transits I don't feel that as much.

🧡When Sun transits my 8th and 12th houses, this is always the most painful time for me every single year. I just feel a heaviness stronger than usual and a lot of my old wounds get brought up again. This can be a really helpful time to clear out negative energy that's been stagnant for so long and start fresh once the transit ends.

🧡Pisces is by far the most sensitive sign, while Cancer is the most emotional. I feel like a lot of people misinterpret the sensitivity of Pisces as just being sad, but overall they just feel and can pick up on all the energy around them and can even have periods of apathy as a way to cope. I've also known many Pisces that struggle with anger issues as an unhealthy expression of their sensitivity.

🧡With the people you're closest to, you might see them as being their moon sign more than their sun sign. This is because you've likely seen the deepest parts of them that other's don't usually get to see.

🧡The intensity of Aries and Scorpio synastry is next level. Their connections are filled with passion and sexual chemistry. Unfortunately, that lust tends to be all that's really there for them. All that mars energy is quick and hot, but the flame doesn't last forever, unless there's more harmonious synastry between them of course.

🧡I've found 9th house Jupiter people to be incredibly smart and wise beyond their years. They can have a very deep understanding of life and the world around them. Excellent teachers and role models.

🧡I think Saturn conjunct Moon is one of the most challenging aspects to have in a natal chart. There can be this lifelong feeling of being depressed or dissatisfied, like they're cold and empty inside. They can feel disconnected to their feelings and feel emotionally starved because of this. Their mother could have been very strict and unloving and played a huge role in these feelings. Constantly feeling like they're not good enough. Just an overall very harsh placement that I feel for a lot.

🧡I've noticed that water signs tend to be very naturally inclined to spirituality. It can just be something they feel drawn to and resonate with easily. They openly embrace ideas about the universe that most people are skeptical about.

🧡Leo mercuries have the most beautiful talking voices. Their emotions shine through their voices so effortlessly. So charismatic as well. They know how to keep conversations lively.

🧡I've known so many Aquarius risings and all of them have this "goofy" persona about them that's hard to even fully describe. They just love to be a little bit silly. They also pride themselves super strongly on being unique from others. It really bothers them to feel like they're in a box or a stereotype of any sorts.

#astrology #astro #astrology observations #astro observations #astrology transits #astro transits #astrology synastry #astro synastry

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shradsmanifestt · 1 year ago

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You've been affirming and persisting a lot. But you can't help but wonder why it isn't here yet?

I guess this is something a lot of people including me have faced. Believe me I know how it feels. But lemme ask you something. You affirm saying it's already done and then you go behind your own bavk and ask where it is? How does that make any sense?

There's only one solution to this. If it's already done why go search for it? It's done and that's it.

I know we as humans wanna be validated with proper proof that it's done. But c'mon. This is the law of assumption. There's nothing logical about this. You know it, I know it. Every time you affirm just remind yourself that this is your validation. The very fact that you're able to affirm it, makes it true. The fact that you can imagine it, script it , feel it real are all proof that it's done and that's the validation that you need trust me. Just trust me on this.

Manifestation isn't logical. So stop trying to make it logical. You'd fail. Quit trying to make sense of what's happening. It doesn't matter. You don't need to understand how electricity works to use it right? All you need to know when it comes to a lamp is that you switch it on when you need the light and off it when you don't. Likewise you change your thoughts and know what you desire it's already done and that's it. Persist in that and that's all you need to do.

If it was out of reach/ impossible to manifest you wouldn't be able to desire it. It wouldn't be crossing your mind. The very fact that you can want it is all the proof you need. That's it.

Stop being lazy. If you want it you want it otherwise respectfully - fuck off. You can't go whining how it isn't here yet when you're the one who isn't letting it come to you. If you plan to just live your life like others live then why try? Just live your life the way you lived before knowing the law of assumption.

You're only adding more whining and worry on top of your situation. At least before knowing you didn't worry abt how it's gonna manifest.

If you want it badly enough you'd just stfu and persist. You'd stop being a pain in the ass to yourself and put in the discipline. I'm proof that the law works. If you can imagine the number of things that I've manifested over a span of many years you'd know. I'd start posting my stories if you'd like too.

I've known about the law of attraction since I was 13 and my mom gifted me the book - the secret. I always knew there was SOMETHING. By 2020 i learned about the law of assumption and the past 4 years have been pure bliss. Sure I've had my hard times. But in the end it's worth it. It was all worth it. Don't give up. Put in the work. It has no other choice but to manifest.

#law of assumption #loassumption #loa #affirm and persist #loa tumblr #neville goddard #consciousness #loa blog #loatwt #imagination #affirm and saturate #saturate your mind #saturation #robotic affirming #persisting #assume and persist #shradsmanifestt

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fullymyself · 3 months ago

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Drowning

Pairing: Matt Murdock X Reader

Word count: 2,406

Prompts: "I love you" "It'll pass" from Fleabag, and I also added a bit of one of my favourite songs, Hymm To Virgil by Hozier (it's very Matt)

Warnings: angst, cursing, mentions of injury and reader gets into a fight

Notes: Hello! This is my entry for @elixirfromthestars Cinema Writing Challenge! I've been away from writing for a few years now. The last time I wrote anything, it was the begging of the pandemic and I ended up stopping completely and deleting my Tumblr account during that time. It was pretty hard to come back and it's been such a long time, so I can't help but feel really anxious with posting again, so I wanted to thank Mel for this wonderful challenge that made me get back into writing!

English is not my first language so please forgive me for any mistakes, if I re-read this fic one more time I'm gonna give in to my anxiety and not post it. Hope you enjoy it and sorry for the angst!

Divider by @enchanthings-a

''Matt, stop!" Your voice echoes in the apartment, louder than you meant it to and high enough to make him stop rushing his way up the stairs. "If you're really doing this, when... if you come home, there'll be no one waiting for you."

That gets his full attention and he turns around on the steps, facing you. The fire behind his expression lowers and through the cracks you can see the hurt starting to sip through. He opens his mouth but you cut him off. "Don't start with your excuses, Murdock, I'm done with it. Call it whatever you want to make yourself feel better, this isn't right. I've known about your demons, I've accepted them and you know damn well I've got my own but this..." You step closer to him so you can push against the leather covering his chest. "This was meant to be a symbol, this was hope, justice... not an excuse for you to go around acting like the people you fight against"

"I-" His voice cracks and you can see the tears forming in his eyes, you know he can read your emotions better than anyone and you're sure he can tell how serious and hurt you are. You have to close your eyes and breathe, fighting against every instinct that tells you to comfort him. You know you're right and you're not backing down now. "I've got to do this. They won't stop hurting innocent people, people we love, if I don't stop them. I need to protect you, Foggy, Karen..."

"Don't put this on us. If you keep trying to justify this with some noble excuse instead of recognizing you're doing this for yourself, for your pride, your pain, your vengeance... you're gonna end up like the men you're sacrificing everything to fight against. " You fight the tears threatening to fall and your throat burns in protest. "What will happen when you run out of people to hide behind, Matt?"

"You're right." You step back needing to put as much distance as possible between the two of you, knowing damn well it'd take every bit of strength you had to walk away from him. "I don't understand." You quickly grab your phone and coat and make your way to the door.

"You don't understand..." You look at him, incredulous and hurt, and can't help but scoff. You've been by his side, through the bad and the ugly. You've seen Matthew Murdock, the righteous church boy turned attorney. You've held him when his world was crashing down, you've been together through loss, grief, happiness, pleasure... but you'd also seen the devil of Hell's Kitchen. You'd seen the anger come out, the hatred, the desire to hurt and make people pay. Retribution, revenge, payback... and even then, when the world shrieked in fear, you had stood by his side and loved every part of him.

Before you can register it, he's in your way, hands hesitantly reaching out to you. "Wait, Y/N, I can't... I can't do this without you"

"And I can't do this with you. I won't sit here and wait for you to become the same monster you've been fighting." You push past him and he doesn't resist.

As you're making your way through the door, you hear his voice for the last time, and it takes everything in you to not turn around. His voice is soft and cracking with the effort to keep his pain at bay - it's all Matthew and no Devil. "I love you"

"It will pass" You say resolutely as the door closes behind you, trying more to convince yourself than him, even though it feels like you clawed your heart out of your chest and left it in the hands of the man you loved.

You walk aimlessly through the streets of a damned city praying to a God you weren't even sure you believed in to keep him safe, to let him come back home safe and with his soul intact.

It's only once you're blocks away and you're sure he can't hear you that you allow the tears to slip out. It's pretty much impossible to keep the panic at bay when all you can think is that Matt might not comeback from this fight and you didn't say it back.

Months passed, somehow both too quickly and tortuously slowly. You hadn't seen Matt again and did everything you could to keep yourself from hearing about him too - even though every cell of your body missed him, you had to remain away from him or you knew you'd fold.

Karen had helped you get your things out of the apartment so you wouldn't have to go back. Foggy had also offered to help you with... well, everything, but you couldn't ask him to choose a side in this.

In order to keep yourself sane you had an agreement with the both of them, no talks of Matt or Daredevil when you met - usually at Josie's where the so called drinks would help you forget for at least a few hours just how fucked the past months had been.

They'd make sure your get togethers would happen when Matt was too busy with work or with his side gig to go out so you wouldn't have to worry about awkward soul crushing encounters.

The second agreement was unspoken but it was clear as day - if Matt was hurt or in serious danger you'd be the first to call. No details were ever given, unless you asked, and the calls usually lasted only a few seconds in which a crying Foggy would try to sound tough but would end up only whispering a ''He's safe, you can rest.''

But turns out maybe you should have had an agreement about you as well.

It was a stupid move, you were well aware, but when it happened you really didn't think before you acted.

You were on your way back home from work when you heard a woman scream and saw man running down the street in your direction. A brown haired woman ran out of a building, several bruises covered her face and she struggled to shout a plea for someone to stop the man.

You acted on instinct and became an obstacle on the man's path. He collided with you full on, throwing both of you to the floor with extraordinary force, your whole body aching on impact.

''You fucking bitch!'' He shouted scrambling to get up as you grabbed his arm, trying to keep him down as long as possible as the sound of sirens kept getting closer.

Suddenly, as the streets got illuminated by red and blue lights, the man grabbed a fistful of your hair, his other hand coming down to strike your face.

It hurt like bitch and destabilised you long enough for the man to get away, only to be tackled down by police a few feet away.

It was definitely going to bruise, you thought to yourself as you examined your face on the mirror, but other than that and a few cuts and scrapes you were okay - physically at least.

After the day you had, being alone in your apartment and having to take care of yourself, was incredibly hard. You couldn't help but imagine that this must be a fraction of what Matt felt when he would get home after a hard night and just wanted to be held.

There's a faint knock on your window when you go back to the living room, and you turn around to find Matthew pearched on the fire escape. You don't know if your heart is beating uncontrollably because of the jumpscare he manged to give you or because he's actually in front of you after all this time - if you had to guess, probably both.

Hesitantly you make your way to the window and let him in. He's not wearing his usual red getup, rather his older black attire. You know he wears it when he needs to do something he doesn't want the media to associate with Daredevil but you can't help how it tugs at your heart - this was the Matt you first met and fell in love with.

Matt keeps shifting where he stands, clearly uncomfortable and not knowing how to proceed. It's only when you talk that his body relaxes a bit and he reaches up to lift the cloth hiding his face. "Hi, Matthew." Against all the conflicting feelings and hurt, your voice is soft around his name, making it sound heavy and sweet - like an indulgent bite of your favourite treat. He takes a long, deep breath, savouring the way his name sounds coming from your lips. ''How did you know?'' This time, your voice is harsher, pointed at him with sharp edges.

''Police radio'' Of course he did. You take a deep breath but don't respond. There's a part of you that wishes he'd known because he was keeping tabs on you not because of some random police message, but you're not willing to listen to it, so you justify your annoyance with having your privacy violated, with knowing that even after all this time he still knew things about yourself without you having to say a word while you could not be certain of anything when it came to him even when he'd talk to you.

After a while he moves, hands reaching out with so much hesitation, torn between being afraid you'll step away from him and being afraid you'll open up again and he might hurt you. Seeing the man that had touched you so freely and adoringly before hesitating so much broke your heart.

You met him half way, gently guiding his warm hand to your face. The almost featherlight touch sent shivers down your body and you had to fight against leaning onto it, for the sake of your bruised face and your sanity.

''Are you okay?'' His voice was sweet but there was something else lingering beneath it as his fingers examined your face, lightly touching the feaverish skin of your bruised cheek and trailing down to the small cut on your lips. His jaw tightened with anger.

''I'm okay, just got a few bruises and scratches, nothing I can't handle.'' You try to reassure both him and yourself, clinging to the words you had repeated like a mantra for the past months - I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay...

''You know that's not what I'm asking.'' There's a faint smile on his lips, one burdened with sadness and acknowledgement. He always knew you too well for your own sake. ''How are you?''

You know he can assess how you are physically, probably better than any doctor, and though he knows you well enough to know how you might feel, he can't read your mind. So, with the mess of thoughts running through your head you settle with being as honest as you can. ''I don't know.''

And you really don't. The past months have been an amalgamation of intense and opposing feelings. There's the part of you that is hurt, tired and that wants to scream at him for everything that happened. But there's also the part of you that loves him, that has longed for him and that just wants to be in his arms. Trying to fall out of love with him is like trying to breath underwater, having your lungs fill with water day after day while telling yourself that everything was okay.

Before the tears turn into sobs, Matt pulls you into his arms. You stay like that for god knows how long, he just let's you cry while he holds you. His hand moves through your hair in an attempt to soothe you and when you finally stop crying he doesn't let you go, pressing a kiss to the top of your head but only tightening his arms around you. Now that you're calmer, you can feel how much his hands are shaking.

"I know I'm in no position to ask you this but please never do anything like that again." Now that he speaks again you realize he's been crying as well, his voice heavy and hoarse. All you can do is nod against his chest.

More time goes by until you finally muster up the courage to speak again. "What are we now, Matt?"

He takes a while to speak, and just as you think he's not going to, he sighs. "I don't know." There's a pause as he let's go of you. He brushes away the hair sticking to your wet cheeks and cups your face, forcing you to look at him. "But I need you to know that everything you said to me that night was true, and I was too much of an idiot to see it." He sighs again, and you can see the hesitation on his features. "Everything was true but one thing... it didn't pass, and I don't think it ever will. I love you, and I don't care about what we are, I would burn the world to bring some heat to you. That won't change if we're friends, acquaintances, friends of friends... I just can't be a stranger. I wanna be a part of your life, anyway you'll have me."

He's the man without fear, yet the only thing you can see on him is how afraid he is as he waits for you to say anything.

"I fought against it with everything I had, and it almost broke me, Matt." It's your turn to touch his face and he does not show the same control you had before. He leans his face against the palm of your hand and all but moans with the feeling. "It's impossible to fall out of love with you." Carefully and slowly, you move to press your lips against his.

God knows the problems are not solved between the two of you, there will still be battles to be fought and arguments to be had. But as you lay on the couch listening to his heartbeat and talking honestly about everything that you hadn't had the courage to talk about before, you realize this is how the world is meant to be. For the first time in months you feel like you're no longer drowning.

If you're here, hi!!! Thank you so so so much for reading and I really hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is very much appreciated.

If you liked this fic, I'm trying to get back to writing so I'm accepting requests and I'm also planning on rewriting some fics I wrote in the past, if any of these catch your eye let me know cause I have no idea with which one to start:

Bucky Barnes X Maximoff!Reader - the story is based on the movie Practical Magic and the reader was raised alongside Pietro and Wanda. The siblings ended up growing apart in recent years, that is until the day Bucky Barnes showed up at your door with Wanda passed out in his arms. Now you're confronted not only with your family but it's curse.

Bucky Barnes X Reader - the story is based on the movie While You Were Sleeping. You work at a café and have a secret crush on Steve Rogers, the super soldier who has been coming to the shop every week to grab a coffee and sketch. One day, he is attacked right in front of the café and, even though you manage to save his life, he falls into a deep coma. All it takes is one misplaced comment and now the whole hospital and the Avengers think you're Steve's secret fiancée. What's worst is that now you find yourself falling for his best friend.

Aaand that's it! Thank you so much again and I hope you have a great day!

#matt murdock #daredevil #matt murdock x reader #marvel #elixirscinema

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glitter-stained · 4 months ago

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Look I don't like RHATO #25 for many reasons but if you're gonna talk about the beatdown and you don't like it you can just say "that issue had terrible writing" or "that's not my batman he would never do that"

You don't have to defend him, this isn't his first instance of abuse with any of his children or jason in particular but he's such a big and old character I understand not wanting to see him being an abusive parent ever (though in that case I advise you to just not engage in his and Jason's mainline relationship at all, at the very least not red hood!jason)

What does really really grate me though, is people trying to defend it because those reasonings are so hypocritical it's clear they just don't like the way Jason's character challenges the bat-status quo and that ends up literally just being abuse justification rhetoric again and again and I'm tired. If you're gonna be a hater can you not do it in a way that makes you sound like the parent who stands to the side watching their partner "discipline" the kid with a belt because "the kid is a bad kid that deserves to be punished."

-well batman is a hero and Jason is a criminal what was he supposed to do he can't play favourites! So, I call Batman a hero when he acts like it but sure, Batman is a vigilante. He fights criminals. Have y'all ever heard of this little term called "conflict of interest"? Yk when your personal connection to the case you're working means you are more likely to lose your cool and let your emotions affect your judgement beyond measure so it's important to delegate? That thing? Batman is always showing up in everyone's comic, the outlaws can have some reinforcement being called to handle Jason's case for once this is absurd, Bruce is more compromised than the cia agent i've been pegging for months in exchange for data. Fathers shouldn't have to arrest their sons.

-well Jason deserved it! Punitive justice, especially fucking punitive violence, is the enemy. It doesn't work for children and it doesn't work on adults and it's a ridiculous approach to harm reduction and recidivism prevention. Well, killing might work, but i don't reckon rhato#25 batman defenders would defend this*. I understand the cathartic appeal of wanting to see fictional characters you dislike punished, really, and the desire for vengeance in the form of punitive justice is normal and perfectly understandable; but however valid this emotion is, that doesn't mean actually enacting this brutality becomes the correct course of actions. Idk how else to say it but however evil you think the victim is it's still not okay to victim-blame. And sure, I can tell fiction from reality and know this isn't a real person, but when people say stuff like that it still tells me that the person who is saying this stuff believes that it's not abuse if the victim is evil. And when you're there, it only takes a bit of cognitive bias and dissonance and carefully worded narrative bending for the victim to be categorised evil and denied the respect of their pain.

(*this isn't about the death penalty. I do not support state violence)

People are so concerned with hating Jason's character and wanting to see him punished for his crimes they will bend things backwards to justify that a father brutally beating down his son in an extremely vulnerable moment while the son doesn't fight back isn't abuse because the character is inherently bad and thus deserves to be violently punished. And then we wonder why victims blame themselves or explain "it's different because it's me so the situation is unique, i'm a special case because i'm wrong", when this is the classic mentality in our societies.

Truly a mystery indeed

#dc #jason todd #dc comics #red hood #anti batman #anti bruce wayne #bruce wayne critical #batman critical #fandom critical #pissed off again #moral judgement is not permission to abuse #jfc

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i6eyes · 2 years ago

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10:43 pm. gojo satoru

"i want to crawl inside you," satoru's blend of azure hues locks onto yours, "i want to live under your skin, be as close as possible to ya." he nuzzles his temple on your clavicle.

your attention shifts from the book in your hands to your boyfriend, the very same one who's currently gnawing your chest as gentle as teeth would go. the book you were propping on top of his head suddenly seems like an ideal tool to hit him with.

"what." you monotonously respond, your tone flat, eliciting a whimper from him.

"you don't get it baby," he laments, drawing out his words. why can't he express his love for you in a more .. conventional way? "you're not gonna get it ever. ever! cause no one will love you half as much as i do." he adds.

you won't understand his intense desire to merge with you, to share his very soul, heart, and mind with you. to experience life through your eyes, to feel your emotions, to embody your essence. you, his angel, his cherished love, a woman too gentle, too sweet, too loving for a man like him.

a man who flirts with danger, who caress death with the tips of his fingertips, who wields power with a mere flick of his wrist, a man who believes he's too flawed, too damaged for someone as pure as you.

"try me," you retort, a soft chuckle escaping your lips. you gently place your book aside and run your fingers through his silky unpigmented white hair, a touch that makes him practically purr with contentment. "i've climbed those tall, tall walls of yours — a little more wouldn't hurt now, wouldn't it?"

he wouldn't dream of causing you pain, hurting you in any kind of way, but he knows you don't see yourself the way he does, you never will. "eh, now that i thought about it, it's kinda lame."

you protested, but with a laugh. because that's how things are with satoru, disapprovals and complaints laced with light-heartedness and amusement.

that's what satoru is, a breath of life with a touch of death.

"are you mad right now? because you look soo hot— ow!" you smack him upside in the head.

#gojo satoru #gojo #gojo x reader #gojo fluff #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru fluff #satoru x reader #satoru fluff #jjk x reader #jjk fluff

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lynnie-s3all · 4 months ago

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Two time x angel!reader maybe one associated with spawn somehow??? Perchance????

SHIT.

( i had to use a bit of chatgpt for some dialogues cause I'm trying to write good. I'm being honest in here.)

In devotion to save my own self...

Two time x Angel reader

Okay first of all, let's talk about respawning.

𝚋𝚊𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚖𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚘𝚛𝚢:

Respawning is somewhat a belief where you can gain immortality from it. Once you die, your body can ressurect itself and gain back another life. Which means, no matter how many times you die, you would always go back to life. The process is painful on each step you die, and it will repeat itself.

This then had people being devoted onto it, making this a cult of believing that if you pray to the gods above, they would give extra lives each time you die. And it's unstoppable.

Well what about you? You're an angel, and you have little bits of knowledge about this belief, well i guess i would say you're associated with that.

Well little did you know that there's someone lurking and being interested towards you...

They looked at you with a smile, trying to say hello to your existence. You would guessed that they would have come from a cult. Which you did noticed that when you saw their shirt.

When they tried to speak themselves out, he would say it in some fancy type of accent. You barely know half of what he was saying but you didn't really understand him that much. Only a bit.

"Forgive my outburst, but I am truly enchanted by your radiant presence. I have never beheld such ethereal loveliness in all my days. Are you indeed real, or am I bewitched by the most splendid illusion known to mortal sight?"

Okay... probably not like that??

Two time: "Wow, I've never seen anything like you before. You're beautiful."

Angel: "Thank you, that's kind of you to say. But I'm just an ordinary angel."

Two time: "Are you real? I mean, I can't quite believe it."

Angel: "It's okay, I understand. Yes, I'm real. Don't worry, I'm not an illusion."

The two of you gradually begin to spend more and more time talking to each other. As the days go by, their conversations become more frequent and consuming until the point where they can no longer break free from one another's company. Their desire to be together becomes so strong that Two time starts to neglect the other cult members and disappears for extended periods just to spend time with you. This obsession with each other has reached a point where it has become risky to both their responsibilities and the cult they are a part of.

They would slowly grew more devoted towards you, such as through prayer, offering gifts, and expressing their loyalty and respect on you.

When they are deeply devoted to you, they might even sacrifice something important to them in order to please the deity or demonstrate their devotion.

And if they were to sacrifice someone to gain another life... They would need a host. Their closest friend.

Two Time: "I did something terrible. I sacrificed my friend to gain another life.

Angel: "I see... and how do you feel about what you've done?"

Two Time: "I feel guilty. I know it was wrong, but I didn't know what else to do."

Angel: "You made a very difficult and morally challenging decision. But there is always a choice, and you made the wrong one."

Two Time: "I know. I just wish I could take it back."

Angel: "Time cannot be reversed. But you can learn from your mistake and make better decisions in the future. Everyone makes mistakes, but it's your actions and choices going forward that define you.

Two Time: "I'll try to do better. I just don't know if I can ever forgive myself for what I did."

He was guilty. He knows that.

I'm not sure if i want to continue this to be honest...

#roblox #forsaken x reader #forsaken #007n7 forsaken #art #forsaken c00lkidd #c00lkidd #1x1x1x1 #sketch #chance forsaken #two time roblox #two time forsaken #two time fanart #azure forsaken

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facefullofsadness · 6 months ago

Note

now i need yandere!yunjin😞

OMLLLL 🫠 idk if u wanted me to write to this but I'm gonna! bayonetta yunjin as pics bc same-ish vibes!

also cw for non-con

AHAKDHKDJFKG YESSSSS!!! dyk how much I love a yandere concept... it's actually a little concerning but I digress! yandere!jen who's been your bestie for a while. she became friends with you solely to get closer to you, learn every little thing there is to know about you, know your exact routine, understand the relationship dynamics you have, and eliminate possible threats. simply put, she needs to know what to do to make sure you are hers.

you run into her room absolutely sobbing, collapsing into her arms as she asks what's wrong even though she already knew. your best friend had been brutally murdered last night and you were in total shock. she held you in her arms and comforted you as she felt you melt into the hug, seeking solace and warmth in her embrace. she comforts you with a sinister smile uncontrollably emerging on her lips, holding you tight as your face is buried in her chest, unbeknownst to you her creepy expression. she softly calls out comforting words to make sure you know you're not alone and that she'll always be there for you, that she'll do anything to make you feel better.

explaining that you might need time alone for a few months because of how heartbroken you were and her expression turning bitter, not appreciating or liking the idea of you being anywhere else other than with her. she tries talking you out of it, suggesting you stay with her instead, that there's a killer on the loose and you need protection, but you'd rather die to their hands than live with this pain of your friend dead. that sets her off, she's angry you don't wanna stay with her despite everything she's done for you, how nice of a friend she's being, it's so unfair of you to treat her this way after what she's done! you'd rather die than stay with her? then she'll be the one to do it... not until she's had her fill.

flipping you over and pinning you down, resisting because what the fuck is actually happening right now, panicking and fighting against her, thrashing around to get away from the aggressive yunjin with a fiery look in her eye, screaming horrifyingly as she has you completely overpowered, way stronger and more calculated as she manages to tie your limbs down and all apart from each other. you can't move and you're terrified as her eyes burn through your clothing and tears of sadness and grief turn to ones of fear and confusion, yunjin burning with desire as she watches your pretty face distraught and betrayed, blazing with emotion.

after everything I've done for you, this is how you repay me? if I can't have you, no one can... but this is just the start. her words send chills throughout your entire body as she absolutely ravishes you, a feral animal tearing open your clothes and consuming you whole. her possessive hands dragging all over your body, claiming each and every inch for herself, her mouth littering your frozen-in-place state, heating you up despite your mind screaming for her to stop. her hands are greedy, groping and digging her fingers into your skin, her mouth is desperate as her tongue leaves trails of wet desire across your heaving chest, your body covered in red marks, hickeys, and bites. you moan as her mouth trails lower, her fingers pushing forcefully into your wet virgin hole, screaming as she rips you open while wrapping her lips around your throbbing clit.

the pain and heartbreak makes you continue to sob, but the pleasurable heat emanating from your core is undeniable as your body ignites into seething lust, whole body ruined emotionally and physically as yunjin forces orgasm after orgasm from you, squirt and cum covering the insane maniac in between your legs. after everything she's done for you, the audacity for a stupid little girl like you not to fall in love with her gave her no other choice than to make you hers.

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notmorbid · 8 months ago

Text

all-night pharmacy.

dialogue prompts from all-night pharmacy by ruth madievsky.

you're so alive, it's scary.

being a person doesn't come naturally for me.

what's the deal with this place?

you are my best and my worst friend.

are we horrible people?

i like the idea of having someone to come home to.

i can't tell if you're being cruel or if you're just dumb.

these aren't the decisions of a well-adjusted person.

the less you know about my life, the better.

everyone here is a liar and a cheat.

you deserve to have a life of your own.

a person can't be held responsible for what they don't know.

all relationships are transactional.

no one should have that much power over you.

it isn't too late to come back.

you're uninvited from my birthday party.

i love you, but you're such a cunt.

who do you think you are?

forced intimacy makes me lightheaded.

i know you're in there. let me in.

jesus. why do you have a knife?

what happened last night?

it was less embarrassing to pretend i didn't care.

maybe i'm not the mothering type.

i wish i could carry some of this pain for you.

i need a break from feeling so much all the time.

sometimes i can't tell if i'm asleep or awake.

whatever's going on, we'll figure it out.

i don't know what's wrong with me. i'm scared all the time.

this is the most i can imagine for myself.

if you're not asking yourself 'am i ruining my life?' at least once a day, you're not living at all.

you act like you're over it, but it's okay if you're not.

all my life, i've felt like a dead animal with its skin still on.

it's a virtue to rid yourself of anything that doesn't serve you.

i've never had a day of rest in my life.

i chase after you like a dog, leaving pieces of myself behind, and every time, you act like that's how it's supposed to be.

you don't take me seriously. i'm not a real person to you.

i can't play house anymore.

never say that name in front of me.

to you, other people are always the problem.

you can't reach a mutual understanding without spilling blood.

want to make fifty bucks?

the only way to really see a person is to lose everything you have in common.

you don't think we'll get caught?

our loyalty is to story, not reality.

just don't do anything that could result in a lawsuit or a tmz article, and you're fine.

i don't have the energy to keep up with your antics.

our most beloved delusion was that lying to each other was a kind of love.

speaking our fears aloud won't save us.

one day, the mask slipped. i haven't been able to wear it since.

i try not to think about my life at all.

a junkie can spot another junkie without a flashlight.

your voice reminds me of wool sweaters.

boundaries? i don't know her.

i'm just sick of doing the same goddamn thing every day.

you are obsessed with a projection that will never love you back.

think of me as a spiritually connected friend.

i know liars. you don't strike me as one.

you have iconically poor judgment.

has anyone ever told you about your past lives?

you're capable of tolerating a lot. frankly, more than you should.

friendship can be a slow burn. you don't have to consume it like a drink at last call.

i'll give you a clue. i work for myself.

you make me want to feel things again.

criticism is still a cousin of attention.

you don't have to pretend to like something just because i made it.

i know you crave being told what to do.

you don't have to settle for being a person things happen to.

you have desires. act on them.

bitch, does this look like an intro to philosophy seminar?

i thought i had quit you.

my favorite. how did you know?

i feel like my organs are cannibalizing each other.

how did i get here? that's not a rhetorical question. i'm actually asking.

i can't tell if i believe it, or if i'm making excuses for myself.

sometimes i wonder if it's healthy how much meaning you see in things.

you're always waiting for the universe to hurt you or to love you. usually in that order.

that's how it was in my family. reading the room was a survival skill.

where will all the animals go in the rapture?

a bunch of fuckups under one roof doesn't constitute a family.

my little saint.

time passes more slowly as a sober person.

you'd better not pull away from me now.

there's a russian proverb that goes, 'so much is ruined by saying it aloud'.

you wear your emotions like a name tag.

your resting face frightens me.

how are you both the most innocent and the most experienced person i've ever met?

i need you to just be here with me.

our dead deserve to see you happy.

i like the idea of being marked by you.

i don't know what i saw, but it was more than i wanted.

i know what i saw.

i can't tell which of the memories are real, if any.

i can't believe you're mine.

nobody warned me how terrifying it is to get what you want.

you're cute when you're freaked out.

sex is supposed to be unsettling.

there are things i need to atone for.

you can't go back like it's nothing.

i won't live in service of my dead's vision for me.

___ was a real person. a murder isn't a metaphor.

count five things you can see. four things you can touch. three things you can hear. two things you can smell. one thing you can taste.

banish one god, and you'll end up worshiping another.

i want to be with you, but i don't want to keep feeling like this.

you know everything about me, but you won't let me know you.

you aren't someone i can keep at a distance.

i've been reading about intergenerational curses.

resisting something isn't the same as not wanting it.

anything you say stays between us.

i can't decide if i like you.

most people only possess a third of the empathy they think they have.

will it get easier?

hope is a tricky thing: losing it is bad, but so is having too much.

i don't want the future to come. i have a bad feeling about it.

in cartoons, you don't start falling until you look down.

why are you here? where have you been?

how did you know i'd come looking for you?

you never asked what i was going through. you didn't want to know.

i didn't have the language for what was happening to me.

you were supposed to protect me.

there's a lot i don't remember. a lot i don't want to remember.

i wouldn't have looked for me, either.

we belong to ourselves now.

you know where i am, and i know where you are. maybe that's enough.

when i'm down, vigilante justice makes me feel better.

survival is provisional.

#rp meme #rp memes #sentence starters #ask memes #ask meme #inbox memes #lgbt #families

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kyoshitargaryen · 11 months ago

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shifting tips for neurodivergent shifters!

shifting tips for autistic people, and for those with ADHD and OCD! for scripting ideas, click here! (coming soon!)

hey, everyone! I'm autistic and I have ADHD and OCD -- all of these things have greatly impacted my journey. these are some of the things that have helped me progress with shifting and with getting to a healthy place mentally in general. note : I have aphantasia, so any time I mention "visualizing" it moreso means thinking of it. instead of seeing "visualizing" as something you can't do, put it into perspective of the things you CAN do. if you can daydream, you can visualize, even if you're not physically seeing anything. don't let it stop you!!

tips!

don't think that you can't shift while autistic. I've done it, and you will too if you haven't already. the only thing that could stop you is your own lack of belief.

if you're like me, you take everything extremely literally. that makes understanding what people -- especially neurotypical people -- mean when they give advice difficult and even harder to apply. here's some things that I've realized about common shifting tips.

5 Senses Methods

I've noticed that some people who talk about "using" your senses, don't exactly mean to use them or to force them. for the longest time, I kept getting so caught up in trying to force the experience that I was keeping myself from shifting entirely instead of trying to physically hear something, or taste or smell or feel, focus more on understanding how those senses work. you probably know the taste of your favourite soda. you probably know what steak or chicken tastes like. you know how when you have your mind set on a particular dinner or drink or experience, you HAVE to have it or else you won't be hungry or thirsty or excited? you KNOW what those things taste like. you KNOW what you expect, all while not physically having those things in front of you. try living in that expectation, in the knowledge and understanding of what you're going to get. this also works with general manifestation! think about what you're wanting for dinner tonight. think about your dream vacation destination. just lightly imagine it. you might be able to almost taste it now. you might be able to almost feel the wind on your skin, or a light rain, or warm sunshine. try approaching shifting like that!

I struggled for the longest time over letting myself move when I go to shift. Feeling symptoms go away just because I had to move or twitched unconsciously was so frustrating. I actually forced myself to lay perfectly still on my back even while feeling physical discomfort and pain. yes, I understood that you can move, and that you don't need symptoms to shift, but I was so caught up in feeling the transition and in my body in general that I found it impossible to let go of control like that. when I first tried focusing on the position my body would be in in my desired reality, I focused way too hard on feeling it. and I'll be honest, forcing myself to feel the physical sensation of laying down in a different position did work. I really did feel it. It just didn't help me shift. and obviously the moments where I would become more aware of my body in this reality or I needed to move were practically devastating. but then something clicked. I was so busy trying to feel my whole body in my desired reality that I was only grounding myself in this reality, and I was slowing down if not outright stopping myself from shifting. you know how you breathe automatically until you are suddenly reminded that you have to breathe to survive? or how you don't necessarily feel your knees or your toes until you think about them? you're only aware of the parts of your body that you are actively interacting with. our minds are trained to tune out a large amount of the sensory information going on in our bodies. imagine how exhausting it would be if you had to manually pump your heart. you probably don't feel what you're sitting or laying down on after you've been there for a long period of time, unless you're actively feeling discomfort or pain. take a moment to take stock of your body. now that you're aware of it -- you probably feel so much more than you did a few minutes ago when you weren't thinking of it. keep that in mind! now pay attention to the places your body overlaps. right now, my elbows are on my lap, and my ankles are tucked under my thighs. the places where your body overlaps are the easiest things to focus on and remember. picture yourself in the passenger seat of a car. you're tired, so you're leaning down on the centre console. your head is tucked into your elbow to shield your eyes from light. focus on the parts of your body that overlap. you KNOW how it feels to rest your head in your elbow. you likely know how it feels to sleep in the passenger seat. instead of trying to pay attention to your body as a whole, think of these little contact points. do this for a few minutes, and I guarantee you that you'll eventually begin to actually feel it, or at least, you'll forget about your physical body in this reality. don't make yourself feel this things, just remember how it feels. this way of aligning myself to my desired reality makes the process go by so much faster. once I feel comfortable remembering how my body would feel in that position, I move on to other things. I remember how it would feel to have my fingers run over the seatbelt or the buckle. I remember how the blinker or the windshield wipers sound. slowly but surely, these things build up and then you're not consciously thinking of them anymore, you're just there. but the best part of it? it's so easy to get myself back into the "zone" if I move in my CR. since I'm not trying to feel a whole environment and my whole body at once, I'm able to quickly and easily remember and experience the position I'm in in my DR. I don't worry about symptoms, or even actively notice them. I'm just there. once I have put my focus on those few contact spots, I'm in my DR. then, it's just a waiting game for when I can open my eyes. I'm in no rush, because I'm just relaxing!

Staircase Method

don't worry about visualizing the perfect space. I was so caught up in making sure the amount of stairs I was walking up or down matched the environment I was thinking of. don't worry about that. the only thing that matters is getting yourself to a point where you're relaxed and you can let go of your original reality. I kinda see shifting as removing velcro. your consciousness is velcro'd to this reality, especially when you're inexperienced with shifting, have doubts, or are going through a slump. the deeper you get into a method, the farther you get from focusing on your CR (the fact that you're still there, that you still feel your body, that you still hear and smell your CR environment), the more the velcro releases. if you try to make everything perfect, you're only making yourself realize that you're not actually in your DR, that you're just doing a method. instead, just focus on knowing how it feels to walk up or down stairs. don't worry about a length of time, or the number of stairs. don't worry about any turns or bends, just go straight up or down. once you feel like the "velcro" of this reality has released, you're ready to enter your DR.

Counting

at the beginning of my shifting journey, I was obsessed with making sure I counted correctly. if I accidentally skipped or repeated a number, I would get so frustrated. don't worry about being accurate or perfect. the sun does not rise and fall on your ability to count on endlessly. focusing too hard on counting will just keep you from becoming aware of your DR. again -- try not to focus so hard on the process of getting to your DR, try to just focus on being in your DR.

Just BE in Your DR (or, Let Go of Control)

I have two ways that I love to describe this;

it's like driving a car. when you've reached your destination, you put the car in park, you turn it off, and you get out. you don't drive past it, or keep hitting the gas, you don't assume that you haven't made it yet. you just know you're there.

it's like trying to fall asleep. you might be counting sheep, or daydreaming, or thinking about what you want to dream of, but you're NOT thinking about how to get home, you're not thinking about changing your clothes, or brushing your teeth, or doing your nighttime routine. you're just there, in your bed, waiting for sleep to take you. you know there's nothing left to do but sleep. so let yourself exist in your DR. think of methods as a way for you to pass time in your DR rather than a way of getting there. you're on a long car ride, or the hogwarts express, or in the middle of a lull hour at your job. you have freetime, so you just keep your mind busy enough to be entertained (and possibly ready to go if you're needed). just relax. you're there. you're just don't need to be "on" right now. think of how you mask in social situations, but you unmask when you're by yourself or you're somewhere safe and comfortable. your mask doesn't need to be on! your customer service voice doesn't need to be used. think of it like being idle in a video game!

Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts

especially when I go to shift, I get intrusive thoughts. what if everyone hates me? what if my s/o cheats on me? what if I somehow cause a sequence of events that gets someone or an animal hurt or killed? it doesn't matter if I have things scripted to prevent all of these, my brain thinks them anyway. intrusive thoughts don't bend to logic. so don't try to use logic to fight them. it's gonna sound kinda crazy, but just think the opposite every time they come up. thoughts are just thoughts. even the ones that seem really scary and really powerful.

Call him Voldemort, Harry. Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.

as much as I dislike Dumbledore, he kinda ate here. it's the same thing with thoughts -- if you have an intrusive thought, immediately combat it with the opposite sentiment. it might seem ridiculous or pointless at first, but I promise you, it will work eventually. this has been my favourite way to heal through my anxiety and my ocd. no, it doesn't go away, but I've learned how to manage them, and how to stop fearing them. they're just shadows, and all they need is light to be driven away. have you ever done or said something ironically or as a joke, and then somehow over time it became a genuine part of your personality? that's because your brain is even more literal than you are -- it can't tell when you're doing something as a joke, it just knows that you ARE doing something. that's what "fake it until you make it" is all about. it's how I've completely transformed my world, manifested physical changes, created a better self image and grew my confidence level. one day you'll be thinking poorly of yourself, but then eventually, once you start actively fighting against those thoughts, your brain catches up to them and believes it as fact. that's the magic behind affirmations! don't think you can only use them to shift or to manifest. you can use them just as effectively to make changes within yourself!

that's all for now! I hope these tips help you guys, because they really have changed both my life and my shifting / manifestation journey for the better.

yoshi !!

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m1ssunderstanding · 8 days ago

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do you think that paul refused to initially drop acid with the beatles/john bc he was scared that he’d have a potentially bad trip in front of them? i meant with tara you get the safety of someone trustworthy that u know but without that person being of upmost importance to you. meanwhile there was so much paul could possibly worry about saying/seeing/confronting around john that he avoided it ?

(I'm assuming this is referencing my fic where, from John's POV, Paul won't do LSD with John because he doesn't love him and he's scared of bonding and connecting with him in that way and he does it with Tara because he's just obsessed with rich people)

Yes. 100% that's what was going on in Paul's head. John going, "wow it's amazing it stripped away all my defenses and I was just fully living in the present and I'll never be the same again it's just really stripped me down to my core" like it's a good thing and Paul's like "yeah that sounds terrifying no thank you I'm going to keep reinforcing my walls up until the day I die I want those things high and thick."

Meanwhile, John's not really being open about the fact that he wants Paul to trip with him for bonding purposes. Instead, he's calling him a conservative loser. So, I think Paul tried LSD with Tara, not out of any real desire of his own (I mean a little. He doesn't do things he doesn't want to do but you know what I mean.) so that he could go "no I've tried it. I'm not scared I'm just not into it. Wasn't for me." Because you're right. He was scared of ruining his most important relationships. So Tara was someone he was close enough to that he'd be safe but not someone he'd be heartbroken about losing. Very strategic.

And he wasn't wrong. There's that quote from George where he was like "you know why I don't trust Paul? Because one time when he was having a bad trip and he thought he was going to fall off this cliff I kept trying to offer him a hand to help him down and he wouldn't take it." Which is so indicative of Paul's issues that George would never understand. But anyway the point is, Paul's "bad" behavior while under the influence of LSD actually did have a serious negative impact on one of his closest relationships.

That's why, I think, he finally chose to trip with John when John was having a bad trip himself. Paul was terrified of being the problem but if John's already in a bad place he can't leave him there alone. Like George Martin said, something about "to be with him in his pain." Paul thinks it's his job to save John. And of course, with their soulmate psychic bond, they ended up melding minds and becoming one just like John had wanted and they deepened their bond and it was beautiful.

Sorry I'm up in the mtns and don't feel like looking up the actual quotes but thank you for this ask! It's so fun to get into why they did what they did and what was (I think) going on in their little messed up heads.

#thanks for the ask!#paul mccartney #john lennon #mclennon #the beatles #george harrison #george martin

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andy-15-07 · 4 months ago

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Hi could i request a fic with Javier Pena where she fakes an O and Javier notices it and then they have a talk. (Looove your fics btw 💕)

Beneath the Surface

Pairing: Javier Peña x Reader

Word Count: 1126 | requests are open (send requests, I will gladly answer them all)

Pedro Pascal Masterlist

The night had been full of whispered secrets and shared glances—a perfect storm of tension and tenderness. In the soft haze of early morning, after their passionate rendezvous, y/n lay beside Javier, her heart still racing. The intimacy of the moment felt bittersweet; an internal truth she'd hidden away resurfaced with an uninvited force. She had faked her pleasure, a reflex born from years of self-doubt and the constant pressure to perform. Yet Javier, ever perceptive, had noticed.

Javier shifted slightly, his eyes catching hers in the dim light. "You were a bit... off tonight," he said quietly, his tone gentle but laced with concern.

Her pulse quickened. "Off? What do you mean?" she replied, her voice barely above a whisper as she turned to face him.

He sighed, choosing his words with care. "I mean, I noticed that moment when it wasn't real. When you faked... your pleasure." His eyes searched hers, not with anger, but with genuine curiosity and care.

A blush spread across her cheeks, and she hesitated before answering. "I—I didn't want to hurt you. I thought if I pretended... maybe it would be enough."

Javier sat up, his gaze softening further as he reached out to gently touch her hand. "Hurt me? y/n, listen. I care more about your truth than any moment of performance. I want you to feel what's real, not just what you think I expect."

Her eyes shimmered with a mix of shame and relief. "But I was scared, Javier. Scared that if I admitted I wasn't feeling everything perfectly, you'd think I wasn't passionate or... enough."

He squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Passion isn't measured by a perfect performance. It's about connection—about trusting one another enough to be vulnerable. I know sometimes it's hard to let go of that pressure."

She took a shaky breath. "I've always admired how genuine you are. You see beyond the surface. But sometimes, I feel like I'm trapped in a role I can't live up to."

Javier's gaze was steady, and his voice grew even softer. "You don't have to be anyone but yourself. I noticed tonight, not to judge you, but because I care. I'd rather know the real you—even if that means moments of uncertainty—than a mask of perfection."

A silence fell over them, filled only by the quiet hum of the early morning. Finally, y/n spoke again, her tone tentative. "I guess I was trying to protect your feelings. I thought, if I faked it, maybe it wouldn't be so painful if I didn't feel the same intensity as you."

Javier shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. "There's no need to protect me from your truth. In fact, I'd like to know what you really feel. What turns you on, what makes you happy, what makes you, you. We don't have to force any moments."

Her eyes widened slightly, hope flickering in their depths. "You really mean that? You're not disappointed?"

"Not at all," he assured her. "What matters is that we're honest with each other. I want you to feel safe enough to explore everything, even if it takes time to understand your own desires. This isn't a performance; it's us, growing together."

She let out a small laugh, the tension easing. "I've always felt like I was supposed to be this... flawless partner. But I guess that's not who I am, right?"

"Absolutely not," Javier replied firmly. "Perfection isn't the goal here. Authenticity is. If sometimes you're unsure or hesitant, that's okay. We'll figure it out together. Tell me—what do you enjoy? What makes you feel truly alive?"

Y/n's expression softened as she considered his question. "I love when you look at me like you're seeing something extraordinary, even in the simplest moments. And I love our talks—when we can just be honest with each other without any pretense."

Javier's smile grew, a mix of amusement and tenderness in his eyes. "I love that too. For me, it's the quiet after the storm, where we share our thoughts and dreams. That's what really matters—not the fleeting rush of a perfect moment."

They fell into a deeper conversation then, the kind that unraveled layers of insecurities and hopes. Javier asked, "Do you ever feel like you're holding back, not just physically, but emotionally?"

Her voice wavered as she admitted, "Yes, sometimes I'm afraid to let go completely. I fear that if I reveal every part of me, I might lose control, or worse, be hurt."

He listened intently before replying, "I understand that fear. But every time we hold back, we miss a chance to truly connect. I promise, I'll always be here to support you, even when things feel uncertain. Trust isn't built on perfection—it's built on honesty, even when it's messy."

Their dialogue continued late into the night, a steady stream of confessions, questions, and reassurances. Javier's voice was a constant beacon, guiding her through the storm of her own doubts. "You know," he said at one point, "I noticed you faked it tonight because I care. I care about you enough to want the real truth, not just the show. And I'm glad you're willing to share it with me now."

Y/n smiled, the vulnerability giving way to gratitude. "Thank you, Javier. I never imagined someone could be so understanding, that you wouldn't be disappointed by my imperfections."

He replied, "Your imperfections are what make you beautiful. They tell me you're real, that you're human. And that's far more valuable than any moment of false perfection."

The conversation meandered through shared memories and future hopes. They talked about fears of intimacy, the pressure to always perform, and the comfort found in being truly seen by another. Each sentence, each pause, was a step toward dismantling the facade and building a bond based on sincerity.

Finally, as the first rays of dawn crept through the curtains, Javier said, "Promise me something, y/n. Promise that from now on, you won't feel pressured to fake anything with me. I want us to explore every aspect of our connection—the exciting, the awkward, and the real."

With a small nod and a soft smile, she replied, "I promise. I want us to be real, even if it means facing our uncertainties head-on."

In that quiet moment, wrapped in the tender embrace of truth, they both realized that their journey wasn't about flawless moments or forced performances. It was about growing together, one honest conversation at a time. And as the morning light grew stronger, it illuminated not just the room, but a new beginning—a space where vulnerability was not a weakness, but the very essence of true passion.

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notbecauseofvictories · 6 months ago

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50/50

Well, 2024 sure did...happen.

Anyway! I didn't set any sort of goal to watch 50 films and read 50 books this year, but that's where I ended up. Neither number is exactly accurate, and I'm leaving out television, revisiting what I've already read/watched, and all the ridiculous novels I pick up when I'm hungover, but still. I'm kind of impressed with myself. I didn't get to 50 books last year, and I don't think I've watched 50 movies in a year ever---but the more I watch them, the more I explore what they can do and communicate, the more I want to see. As a lifelong reader, it's interesting to explore a new kind of art, to try and intuit your way in through a strikingly different form of communicating the exact same humanness.

TOP FIVE 2024

FILMS

The Florida Project (2017)

Crimes of the Future (2022)

M (1931)

Something in the Dirt (2022)

We’re All Going to the World’s Fair (2021)

It's been months and months since I saw The Florida Project, and I still think about it. The bright and artificial sherbet coloring of it; the dank and mold and shadows that linger around the edges....Actually, I think of all these films in terms of their aesthetics first. Not that there wasn't a story there, but because they all represent such a marriage with form. Consider Crimes of the Future with its fading decay, its browns and rust; M with its stylized, refined cityscape even in the greyscale of 30s cinema; Something in the Dirt where every shot is mundane, or fantastical or both; and We're All Going to the World's Fair, with the particular blue-grey loneliness of the internet age. Surely the benefit of watching a movie (as opposed to anything else) is being presented with something to watch, and I like when directors and creative teams understand that.

Honorable mention to American Psycho (2000) since I'm still a little insane about it---or maybe Corsage (2022) because whether or not it was a good movie, it was nevertheless the most uncompromising, brutal portrait of a historical figure I've seen.

BOOKS

The Rehearsal, Eleanor Catton

Big Swiss, Jen Beagin

Vintner's Luck, Elizabeth Knox

Wylding Hall, Elizabeth Hand

Diavola, Jennifer Thorne

Some people may try to tell you that horror is a discrete genre---I am here to tell you that it's not. All great novels are horror stories, and those listed above especially. From The Rehearsal's self-important artistes, to the therapy-speak Millennials of Big Swiss, to the musicians of Wylding Hall (who miss every sign that Something Is Happening) and the Pace family of Diavola (who deny that the signs mean anything, even after fleeing their vacation home in the night)....all these novels are a study in people experiencing something painful, even terrible. And yet, that provides incredibly fertile territory for their authors to explore the things that come with horror---complicity, desire for closeness, narration and performance, the open wound of family, the thin netting of modernity that keeps us from plunging into something older and darker than we can comprehend.

The only exception might be Vintner's Luck. Not because it's not there as a theme, but because the novel itself spans the narrator's life. By the time he's middle-aged he's committed so many errors, he can't judge too harshly when others do. In this respect it's almost an answer to the questions horror poses---not just how do you survive this? but how do you go on, having survived that?

Honorable mention to Dead Inside, by Chandler Morrison, because it was stomach-turning in the very best way. Echoes of Cipher by Kathe Koja---when an author really knows, really understands, how to wield grossness without shirking or apologizing for it, the result is delightful.

Books of 2020 | Books of 2021 | Books of 2022 | Books of 2023

#from the bookshelf #a proscenium for our dreams #I know we've got another week before we properly reach the end of the year #but I've been dying to publish these lists so you get them early!

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paulyenvol6 · 2 months ago

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To Lose Yourself (Chapter 4)

Contains: smut, noncon and dubcon, p in v, unprotected sex, oral (f receiving), fingering, crying, praise, dirty talk, slight humiliation, mentions of words like slut and whore, mentions of arranged marriage, detailed descriptions of Anissa being in pain and discomfort, Daemon trying to gaslight her, dark themes so be careful!

Wordcount: 4,818

Masterlist of this story

Anissa's hands dug into his shirt pushing and scratching, anything to make him pull away but he just wouldn't.

He devoured her lips, taking from her what he wanted while utterly ignoring the fact that she was stiff and unwilling.

"Stop. Stop it, this is not appropriate," the girl mumbled against his mouth but the words came out uncomprehendable.

Nevertheless Daemon seemed to have understood her because he brought a little bit of distance between the two of them staring down do her pink lips.

"I'll decide what's appropriate, little doll."

Then, Anissa watched him fearfully, he pulled back her bottom lip with his thumb finding pleasure in the way it snapped back and sighed contently.

"You taste very good. I'm gonna go further now, mhm?"

She sniffed and her lips jutted out in a pout while she shook her head.

"No."

Anissa shuddered when Daemon ran his arms over her bare arms and looked her body, that was quite exposed due to her thin night gown, up and down.

"Well unfortunately I will have to in order to anger your daddy. You understand how marriage works, do you? If I fuck you now you're going to be mine. And when I tell your daddy about this he is not going to have a choice but to wed you to me. Because you're mine. But don't worry you, little doll, I'm not doing this solely because of your father. I like you. And I like what I've seen so far. I wanted you to be mine for quite a long time now and I guess tonight is going to be the night."

Her face was drawn with despair as she clenched her fists tensing beneath him.

"Please don't do it, Daemon," she whispered her voice so thin that she seemed to break down any second now.

"Please just let me go. I won't tell anyone about it if you stop now. Please just… we can't do this."

"Yes we can and we're going to," Daemon answered cooly and then his hands were on her breasts which Anissa reacted to by jolting away from him. He instantly put more weight of his body on her trapping her between him and the bed.

"It's gonna be a lot more fun for you if you submit to me. Just give yourself to me and I'll bring you great pleasure."

Never would she do this. Every second that she had daydreamed about him these last months was in the past now. From now on he was the enemy who she would fight if it was the last thing she would do.

"Go fuck yourself," Anissa growled trying to smack him across the face but Daemon was quicker and pinned her hand down next to her head.

"No, little one. I'm gonna fuck you."

He kept his eyes on her while searching for the hem of her dress and then, indifferent to her shifting and wriggling, he pulled it up in order to expose her naked legs.

"Mhmm so I guess I have to tame you now first, huh? It's alright kitten, I know what you need."

Anissa threw her head to the side feeling this uncontrollable urge to move and turn but she feared that in addition to her fright and disgust something else was starting to take over her right now: Desire and the wish to let herself fall listening to his soft voice.

No, no, no, she thought feeling tears welling in her eyes because she couldn't let this happen. 'He is the enemy,' she reminded herself and narrowed her eyes that had rounded up yet again.

"No. You don't."

Daemon chuckled lowly in response and traced her leg up until he arrived dangerously close to her most treasured spot. This couldn't happen right now. And why did his touch feel like fire burning and marking her skin? How could a Targaryen truly hold the same power as their dragons?

"You can't. You can't do this, I'm meant to save myself for marriage."

He chuckled again looking down to where his hands brushed over her naked skin.

"I know."

What was this even supposed to mean? Anissa felt a lump in her throat as his hands moved higher and then her dress was pulled up and bunched at her waist. Daemon's eyes glistened examining her core that was now only protected from her undergarment. She squirmed and kicked with her feet while he hooked his fingers into the waistband of her undergarment slowly pulling it down her legs.

"N-No, stop it. Fuck you, you stupid bastard."

At this point he just ignored her cursing and proceeded with undressing the girl until her cunt was on display for him.

"Fuck," he hissed to himself biting his lip at the delicious sight of her naked sex. "This is what you've been hiding all along? A shame. Looking so fucking pretty like this, little kitten."

He pressed a kiss on the brow of the unwilling girl who moaned in displeasure, frightened of how far the rogue prince would go. All his affectionate gestures and words couldn't calm her although she wasn't blind to how her body reacted to them. But all that mattered was that she wouldn't let Daemon see the way her body betrayed her. Anissa was lying utterly stiff while he inhaled the scent of her amber hair and ran his hands over the side of her body but when he crawled down to engage her in a kiss on her lips she unwillingly turned her head to escape him.

"I should've known that you're a defiant little thing," Daemon whispered a firm grip on her head. "But no need to worry. I'm gonna get you there. You're gonna enjoy it so much, you're gonna beg me to continue until you pass out."

"I'd rather die," she answered flashing her eyes at him and meant every word. No matter what he would do to her, no matter if she even enjoyed it, never would she admit it.

He didn't answer her and instead made his way down her body a lot faster now. He stopped at her chest cupping her breasts and toying with her nipples for a short while which Anissa reacted to with a jolt of her body as well as the acceleration of her heart rate. Obviously she still wanted to push him away but his fingers pulled and rubbed them so gently that she closed her eyes in pleasure for a brief second before snapping back to reality. To her misfortune Daemon noticed it and smirked to himself. He was more than confident that he would have her right where he wanted her in a matter of minutes. A begging mess who would not be able to bring out a coherent sentence. He intended to do that by taking care of her throbbing heat and gift her one or two highs before eventually taking her maidenhood. That way he wouldn't only tame her stubborn attitude but also made sure that her cunt was prepared and wet enough to take him.

When Daemon spread her legs with his hands grasping her bare thighs Anissa decided to try it one last time.

"Please, Daemon. Let me go, I don't know why you're doing this. It will only bring chaos and… and suffering. Please."

She wasn't even sure if he had heard her because his eyes were fixed on the mess between her legs and he licked over his lips at the thought of dipping into her glistening hole. Daemon lowered his head to her center kissing her lower belly way too gently for the current circumstances and then she felt a finger circling her dripping hole.

"You're not supposed to be that wet, little one," he smirked slowly inserting his thumb inside of her. "Considering you're acting all bratty the whole time, I mean. I expected to find a desert down here."

She looked stubborn as she stared to the ceiling eager not to let him know that she definitely wasn't immune to his touch and seducing voice. How was she supposed to be unimpressed by what he was doing to her? Anissa had dreamt of him for the past year and oftentimes the only thing that had helped her to fall asleep was to think about this man whom she knew she should hate. She had imagined to feel his hands on her breasts and between her legs and in the deepest and darkest night when Anissa had taken things into her own hands rubbing over her pearl fearing that someone might come in and witness this obscenity, it had been him she had thought about. Of course she had felt guilty and had forced herself to think of something or someone else but it simply hadn't worked and at some point Anissa had stopped fighting it. She desired him and now all her wishes came true and yet she couldn't enjoy it. Now that it happened she knew how stupid it had been. This was Daemon Targaryen. The man that her father had expressed he wished was dead more times than she could count.

She gasped out when she felt Daemon's tongue against her pearl gently and yet firmly as if he was demanding something of her. He lightly tapped against it working so precisely and like he had studied her body for the past 5 years.

"N-No," Anissa whined but was well-aware that the word was directed to herself as she felt regret washing over her at the fact that she enjoyed this way too much. Daemon's thumb was still at her quivering hole massaging her entrance and labia while his flat tongue worked relentlessly as though this was a competition.

"Tasting divine," he complimented her, giving her his darkened eyes and tightened his grip around her thighs as if he wanted to secure her beneath him making sure she couldn't leave now after just having tasted her for the first time.

He was addicted now. Consumed by her and everything her body had to offer and he would make sure to show her that in his touch. Daemon circled her pearl while pressing against the underside of it every now and then and considering the way his pointer finger could so easily slide into her hole he knew that his actions were successful. Perhaps she was still holding her noises back but her body and her body fluids showed how much she in fact enjoyed it.

"Let me hear you, little one," Daemon therefore growled and looked up to her with a possessiveness in his eyes that made her core tighten which didn't go unnoticed by him.

"S'right. I know you want to surrender to me. You can, sweet love. Just tell me how much you like this and stop holding back those sweet whines."

Anissa let out a cry that Daemon wasn't able to identify as it could be traced back to her stubborness and distaste for what he was doing to her or was directed to herself and her frustration about the way her body betrayed her. He placed his right hand on her lower tummy applying a little bit of pressure and at the same time making her stay in place while Anissa was incapable to ignore the growing heat in her cheeks. Daemon touched her right where she was craving his tongue like he was scratching a spot that was itching so badly and she knew that she it wouldn't take long until her facade would crumble. She cursed the gods but first and foremost herself and curled her toes as she desperately tried to fight how her face tensed up.

"P-Please," she whispered and Daemon saw a single tear rolling down her cheek.

"Mhm, little kitten? Is that for me?"

He reached up to grasp her chin and forced her to look down to him.

"From this night on you're gonna be mine. So you better get used to it right now and you should be on your knees thanking me for my gratefulness because I prepare you for me. I'm doing it because I don't want to tear my future wife apart but I could also just shove it in and force you to take it like this."

Anissa was perhaps too far gone to even register the word 'wife' because she didn't even flinch and instead let out a quiet whimper when his tongue got back to work. Time passed with her moans clearly getting louder the longer the rogue prince continued and then Daemon felt confident enough about his abilities to challenge her a little. He stopped removing by now his two fingers from inside her hole as well as his tongue on her most sensitive spot and precisely watched the way her eyes darted at him.

"W-What," she stuttered slightly moving up in the bed and nervously flickered her eyes over his face.

"I want you to say it, pretty girl," Daemon purred and ran his hand over the side of her body. "Tell me how much you want it."

Anissa swallowed loudly her face drawing with despair and let herself fall back on the bed.

"No, please. I-I can't."

"Yes you can. You're a big girl, aren't you? Just need you to tell me how much you desire it and I'll continue."

He knew that he was playing a risky game but it seemed like it worked. Anissa was yet refusing to give in but the way she squirmed and writhed told him that it would be a matter of seconds.

"Daemon," she gasped jolting as he lightly touched her pearl with the tip of his finger.

"Yes? I'm listening."

She dropped her gaze and it was so clear to him how humiliated she felt and regretful the girl felt and yet she actually spoke up.

"Please."

"Please what?"

Anissa's bottom lip trembled and she tried to push his left hand on her thigh away but Daemon's grip was like iron.

"Please do it. Go on, I need it," she sighed nevertheless and he thought about her answer for a moment before smugly smirking at her.

"Good girl. Good fucking girl. I knew you had it in you and you just needed someone to put you in your place. Spoiled little slut."

Before Anissa could even register his words he had already gone back to work sucking her bundle of nerves into his mouth and rubbing it with his tongue while his two fingers slid into her once again. This time he payed more attention to scissoring her open as he intended to take her maidenhead soon and was a man who stayed true to his words. He didn't want to split her in half with his cock.

"Relax your muscles, kitten. S'not helping if you shift and tense up like this. You don't wanna cry on this cock, do you?"

Anissa shook her head although Daemon was almost certain that she wasn't properly listening to him. Her eyes watched him almost with some kind of amazement and by now he knew she would take what he gave her despite feeling guilty about it. But he had broken her and tamed her bratty attitude.

"I want you to come now, sweetling. You think you can do that?"

She nodded quickly, her little hands closing around the bed sheets and then she threw her head back lifting her hips towards him and her world went blank.

"Oh seven hells," the girl screamed so loudly that Daemon's hand came up to her mouth just in case some guard was nearby and would hear her. He licked her through her high, collecting her wetness in his mouth to savour it and then pulled his fingers out of her. He used her hazy post-orgasm state to spread her legs wider, settle in between them and then he ripped her night gown open to expose the rest of her body.

Daemon's heart was pounding loudly as he was beyond lustful to finally enter her. He couldn't think straight feeling how he started to stop caring about her well-being and instead finally concentrating on fulfilling his desires and so he was quick to bring his tip to her hole. Some advice he wanted to give her though.

"Breathe in and breathe out when I enter you," Daemon panted and then began to sink into her. Anissa clearly hadn't even heard his words as she had still tried to collect herself after this soul-crashing high and shrieked when she felt the intrusion at her entrance. It burned, ached and she instantly twitched moving away from her predator.

"S-Stop, please… fuck," she cried not caring about whether her tears would soak the cushions and Daemon felt a kick against his abdomen.

"Sh sh sh…," Daemon cooed, firmly pressing his palm against her mouth in order to shut her up while slowly going deeper.

The girl cried which was muffled but he was able to see the tears leaking from the corners of her eyes and additionally she pulled at his hands covering her mouth. The pain was almost unbearable because despite her wetness Daemon hadn't given her a lot of time to adjust to his size and the intrusion had come so unexpected that Anissa had clenched around him which had only worsened the ache. Now he was almost inside of her to the brim and the pain seemed to make the hairs on her arms stand up. It ran down her spine hot and sharply and Anissa's head was twirling almost feeling like she would black out.

"S'alright. You got it. It's over now, little one. Feeling so good around me, sweetling and now I'm gonna pain this cunt with my seed, how does that sound, mhm?"

He noticed the way her eyes rolled back but could almost be certain that it wasn't from enjoyment so he slightly lifted his hand giving her space to breathe and then cradled her cheek.

"Look at me, little kitten. Breathe."

Her lashes fluttered but eventually she looked at him through half-litted eyes still new tears collecting in them but he felt like he had her attention.

"Breathe," Daemon repeated soothingly tracing her cheekbones. "I know it's a lot but you can take it. I know you do."

Anissa shook her head and although he wanted her to enjoy it a little at least and planned on making her like it, he was just glad she seemed to comprehend his words.

"Yes you do… Feeling so fucking amazing around me, gods be good. This little cunt is mine now, do you hear me? It's been mine from the moment I entered you and now no man will ever touch you. No man will ever just look at you the wrong way and I will make sure to teach everyone around you. Even you if need be. You're mine, little kitten. Your innocence belongs to me and I will let everyone know about it."

He had whispered these words to her ear and his voice had sounded so cold that she shuddered and tensed. Daemon still hadn't moved and Anissa began to wonder if he would finish like this but then he started to move inside of her. He pulled out only to slam back in and although it was once again very painful to her she sensed that he definitely was holding back a little.

"Fuck," he panted yanking her head back to kiss along her jawline. "You like that, huh? Like being used like this? So completely helpless, gods be good… Driving me fucking insane with those pretty eyes of yours."

Daemon was now thrusting in her at a steady pace and every time he slammed back in Anissa let out little gasps. It was still uncomfortable but she couldn't deny that it got better over time and soon she was able to really perceive him for the first time. He felt massive inside of her. Stretching her, his veins grazing over her walls and his balls slapping against her cunt every time. It was strange and unfamiliar but in some way very satisfying. She felt her own panting getting heavier again and sighed out when she felt the stimulation on her pearl returning, this time it being his finger rubbing her lazily.

"Fucking slut," Daemon growled as he cupped her breast with his free hand and picked up the speed of his pounding. "M'gonna destroy this cunt. M'gonna fuck my babies in you so everyone, and first and foremost your cunt of a father will see what I did to you. So every day he's gonna be reminded of the way I runined his precious little girl. Would you like that, mhm? Would you like to walk around as my fuck toy?"

He enclosed his fingers around her pearl making her jolt and Anissa bit her lip in pleasure.

"Yes… Oh fuck, yes, I need it…," she whined, unaware of what she was saying and what satisfaction she was bringing him with her words, but her mind was clouded by desire and the need to reach another high. She had utterly forgotten about the promise she had given herself earlier instead rocking her core against his hand while simultaneously moving according to Daemon's deep thrusts.

"I-I wanna…. Please I wanna come again," she begged him and these words along with her glossy eyes made him think that he would give her anything she asked him of. He was enchanted with her nature and her beauty and he would've burst on the spot if he hadn't urged himself to wait for her.

"Yes, my sweet love. I'm gonna make you come again because you asked so nicely. Just close your eyes and listen to my voice, alright?" he said a lot more gentle and calmer now than just a couple of minutes before.

"Yes, Daemon," she answered all obedient and submissive and Daemon was so taken by it that he wasn't even sure whether she just acted that way so he would be pleased instead of talking her down or he had actually messed her up that badly.

"Close your eyes," he demanded again and smiled at the way her pink lips parted as she took his thrusts so wonderfully.

"Good girl. Now just feel your body. Feel me inside of you and my finger on your little pearl. You're doing so well for me right now, I just need you to come again, alright? Tell me if you like this."

He picked up the speed with which he circled her pearl and wouldn't have needed an answer as Anissa's face tensed and a whine escaped her lips. Nevertheless she opened her eyes again slightly nodding with her head.

"Y-Yes. I like it." Daemon smirked crookedly but reached down to caress her cheek.

"I said close your eyes. Go on, do it. Then you'll get exactly what you want."

She obeyed her eyelashes flattering as Daemon concentrated on sending her over the edge and he succeeded after less than a minute. Anissa's hands grasped his shoulders digging her nails into his flesh and her whole body buckled up uncontrollably trembling.

"Oh fuck, Daemon!" she shrieked and pressed her hand on her own mouth well-aware of the fact that someone catching the two of them right now would lead into a catastrophe. He wanted to talk her through it but feeling her clench around his length was what drove him over the edge as well and so he grunted loudly his hand tightening around her breast.

"That's it…," he growled in her ear as his seed filled her up claiming her as his.

Mayhaps this thought was what was even more satisfying to Daemon than reaching his high because from this moment onwards, Anissa was his. And the fact that there was a chance that he had just fucked his child in her made him close his eyes in enjoyment as he made sure his seed stayed inside of her delivering a few last thrusts before slowing down and observing the girl's sweaty face.

"Mhmm… look at you," he purred in awe by her beauty and took her face in his hands. "Look at you being so perfect for me. You're mine now. And you'll be mine for the rest of your life."

Anissa swallowed loudly still trying to catch her breath but Daemon could read the discomfort right across her face. She only seemed to realize now what had just happened because tears welled in her eyes and she put her hands on top of his.

"N-No, Daemon, please. We can't tell anyone about this, my father is going to kill me."

He almost felt for her watching the tears spill but at the same time there was nothing he could do for her so he just soothingly traced her cheekbones wiping away the little droplets.

"Shhh, love… You know that I can't do that. I'm going to tell your father first thing in the morning and then I believe it will be a matter of days until we're married."

He reached down to her belly gently applying pressure while surpressing a crooked smile.

"You might be with child already and your father is not going to risk allowing any rumours to fly around the castle."

Anissa's trembling lips twitched, her eyes begging him so lovely that he just had to lean down to kiss the corner of her mouth. She was ravishing and Daemon had been feeling on a high for the last hour. He had felt drawn to her from afar but lying on top of her, taking her innocence and watching her squirm underneath him was a whole new level. And no matter how beautifully she would use her sweet voice to beg him not to say anything, there was no way he wouldn't do anything to wed her. This wasn't just about humiliating and paying Otto Hightower back. He intended to enjoy her body every night from now on if possible.

"He's going to kill me, Daemon," she continued her sobbing but to his delight she clung to his shoulders as though he would be the solution to her problems rather than having been the one to put her into this hopeless situation.

"He's not," Daemon purred running his thumb over her hairline to finally get her to calm down because he was beyond tired.

"I will not let him harm you. He will be angry, sure, but he won't hurt you."

With these words Daemon rolled off her to lay down on his back next to Anissa instantly turning his head to her.

"Sleep now. You need it. I'm going to be here and I'm gonna protect you from anything and anyone. Because you're mine to care for."

Anissa looked far from being assured but she didn't speak up again while Daemon adjusted the cushions behind him.

"Anissa," he then whispered lifting his eyebrows at the sight of her nibbling at her thumb.

She shyly turned her head taking her finger out of her mouth and sniffed when Daemon gently yet determindely pulled the girl closer to him.

"Everything is going to be fine. I got you. Your father is going to understand."

Both of them knew that it was a lie and Anissa closed her eyes again trying to get the upcoming inevitable conversation out of her mind. She had ruined everything. Her father's biggest enemy had ruined her, taken every dignity from her and now no lord would ever court her, let alone wed her. She wasn't a fool after all and Anissa was smart enough to realize that Daemon was right. He had taken her maidenhead and therefore she would be his to take to wife which was awful enough but her father finding out about it? It would be a catastrophe and she wished she at least wouldn't have to be the one to tell him.

He would disinherit her, exile her and never speak to her again. After all this time of him ranting about and insulting the rogue prince in front of his daughters Anissa would be the one to tell him that she had no choice but to wed him. She had felt terrible and guilty enough just daydreaming about Daemon but never in her life had she thought about the consequences of coupling with him. Her head was throbbing and the thoughts were flowing in her mind like the kind of annoying flies that disturbed the horses in the stables. Fast and loud, buzzing and stinging until one lashed out and rather left the stables.

This was why it took Anissa forever to fall asleep.

Daemon had drifted away long ago and for a while she expected the sun to lift from the horizon any second but then around 2 or 3 o'clock she must have finally went off to dream as well.

~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist:

@archerxnn @calmingmelody96 @aleemendoza2425-blog @madeinmyownmind-blog

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pompomchihuahua · 6 months ago

Text

On Sanemi and Giyuu: A Journey of Misunderstandings

Sanemi and Giyuu have possibly one of the most misunderstood dynamics in fandom that I've ever personally seen. And to truly understand their relationship, I want to briefly talk about Giyuu and how his past affects his relationship with the other Hashira.

Let's start with Giyuu.

The Hashira that was never meant to be. Giyuu's life is one built on sacrifice and regret. First with the loss of his sister, Tsutako, after she sacrificed herself to save him. He falls into a depression and feels that he should have been the one to die instead when his sister, who was set to be married in one day, had so much "more" to live for.

Sabito then delivers the infamous slap. The shock and pain of life help to pull him back into the moment when Sabito tells him not to waste his sister's sacrifice, that she knew exactly what she was giving up when she hid him.

And he manages to get through to Giyuu for a while. Until Final Selection, when Sabito tragically gives up his life to save Giyuu and everyone else taking part in Final Selection that year.

From there, Giyuu spirals, forgetting the lesson Sabito taught him on mount Sagiri. He devotes himself to his training and quickly ascends the ranks, but believes himself unworthy of the status of Hashira because of what was sacrificed to get him there.

As a result, he isolates himself from companionship. In the light novel, Ubuyashiki says this about Giyuu: "But Tomioka has deliberately cornered himself. He looks backward because that's what he wants." The guidebook says, "The Water Hashira keeps a distance from the other Hashira and the rest of the corps."

As I mentioned in my post on Sanemi's pack-centric nature, it's not right to even call Giyuu a lone wolf at this point in the story because he does not want companionship.

Giyuu, like many characters, is trapped in the past and self-destructing via isolation.

That's not to say he doesn't subconsciously want it. Humans are social animals who crave contact on our most basic levels; of course there is always going to be some part of Giyuu that wants human contact. This subconscious desire for human contact can be seen in the way he views the other Hashira.

The first thing I notice is that he rates the Hashira based on how much they talk to him. If they don't talk to him, he doesn't speak with them.

I mean, just look at that piddly openness score! Sanemi has twice the level of openness and the light novel outright calls him "unsociable." Muichirou, who is described (and this is a direct quote from page 140 of OWB) as "basically an empty puppet" has an openness score of 40%.

And I'd like to emphasize that it is very much not just Sanemi that has complaints about Giyuu's behavior.

His isolation affects not just his social life but his job as well with Uzui saying in the light novels: "We're finally cutting loose the uncooperative Water Hashira?"

Even Rengoku chips in, saying "we have to stand tall and tell him our complaints," just a few sentences later.

During the Hashira meeting at the beginning of the training arc, Amane asks them on behalf of Ubuyashiki to unlock the marks for the sake of defeating Muzan, but, Giyuu, resigned that he would never earn a mark and does not deserve to stand with the Hashira, leaves the meeting.

It's easy to forget that we, as the viewer, have all the context and that other characters don't. To the other Hashira, this comes across as Giyuu actively shirking his duty as a Hashira.

Sanemi stops Giyuu, stating that he can't leave until they "decide what our respective roles will be!"

To which Giyuu responds "It has nothing to do with me."

Shinobu outright asks Giyuu to explain himself to which he simply says "I'm not like the rest of you."

As the viewer, we know he means that he is not on par with the others, but to characters like Sanemi, who has spent his life in poverty and thus, looked down upon, this sounds all to familiar.

Sanemi even outright says: "I don't like the sound of that. You said the same thing before, didn't you, Tomioka? You're looking down on us?"

Giving him a very clear chance to explain himself.

However, Giyuu just turns his head and walks away, leaving Sanemi with that assumption.

This is without going into, how, during the very same meeting, Giyuu calls Sanemi a "simpleton," completely unprompted.

As much as I love Giyuu, he doesn't make a very good case for himself in the eyes of the other Hashira.

So, what changes? How does Giyuu go from actively avoiding contact to this:

Well...

Simply put... his relationship with Tanjirou.

His brotherly bond with Tanjirou is one of the most beautiful storylines in Demon Slayer and I could make a whole post devoted to them if I had the time. But to put it shortly, Tanjirou helps Giyuu learn to open himself up to companionship again. Suddenly, we see a shift in Giyuu. And the light novels make a very heavy distinction between the way Giyuu was acting before Tanjirou's influence and after: "The way Tomioka was now, Tanjirou was sure he'd be able to be friends with everyone."

Unfortunately for Tomioka... he has a hard time convincing Sanemi that he isn't making fun of him and that he want's to be friends.

His face in the light novel is described as: "his face seemed like he was making fun of anyone who spoke to him."

Aka he's got a major case of RBF and a very flat tone with very little intonation. Which means that when Giyuu tries to reach out to Sanemi through ohagi (a treat typically enjoyed by children!), between his face, voice, and previous history of insulting Sanemi, it seems only logical (to Sanemi, the audience knows different) that Giyuu is making fun of him once again.

I've already discussed in length how Sanemi is a pack-centered person (here) and how it also affects how it sees Giyuu. How his loner archetype is the antithesis of what the mighty wolf stands for.

So how does Sanemi go from thinking that Giyuu is a self-centered asshole to smiling at him like this?

By finally, finally, in the end, proving himself as part of the pack and a team player.

Finally, on the battlefield, they are equals and Sanemi sees Giyuu for his true self; willing to sacrifice everything for the good of humanity and for his family.

As for Sanemi's huge shift in attitude in general at the end, well, that's a different post.

Regardless, Sanemi and Giyuu's relationship is one fraught with misunderstanding and is a prime example of how someone's mental state can clash with someone else's. You never know what someone else is going through. For Sanemi, he fundamentally doesn't understand that it is Giyuu's guilt and desire to not see anyone else lose their life in his name that drives him to isolate while Giyuu can't see that his isolation comes across as arrogance to someone who has spent their whole life in a position of being considered "lower."

All in all, they have an incredibly interesting dynamic that I think is taken for granted.

#ramblies #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #kny analysis #kny sanemi #sanemi shinazugawa #giyuu tomioka #kny giyuu #demon slayer giyuu #kimetsu giyuu #kny #kny tomioka #demon slayer tomioka #kny meta

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