fullymyself

[fullymyself]

Would you like to buy his wares?

[fullymyself]

While you were sleeping - part 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Word count: 2,847

Summary: The story is based on the movie While You Were Sleeping. You work at a café and have a secret crush on Steve Rogers, the super soldier who has been coming to the shop every week to grab a coffee and sketch. One day, he is attacked right in front of the café and, even though you manage to save his life, he falls into a deep coma. All it takes is one misplaced comment and now the whole hospital and the Avengers think you’re Steve’s secret fiancée. What’s worst is that now you find yourself falling for his best friend.

Warnings: cursing, mentions of injury but very light, lil bit of angst

Notes: Hi, hope you are doing well! This is a rewrite of a fic I wrote many years ago when I had a different tumblr. This story has been stuck in my head for a very long time so I had to rewrite it. It's gonna be at least 3 parts but I'll try to post the others as soon as I can. This part is more to situate the story, it's not set on any specific time or event of the MCU so everyone is alive, happy and thriving (like the olden days Avengers fics). To compensate for the lack of Bucky on this chapter I added a special easter egg at the end.

Also, this fic deals a lot with the theme of loneliness, which is something I struggle a lot with too. So, if you happen to relate to the themes in this fic, pease don't forget that even though you might feel like it you're not alone and if you need someone to talk I'm always willing to listen! (And I know I'm not the only one)

Hope you enjoy it and feedback is always welcome!

You’d grown accustomed to being alone, not by choice but lack thereof. Having no family was already hard, but trying to find friendship and community in a city like New York, as an adult, was almost impossible. It’s not like you were completely alone, you had friends from work and acquaintances but no one was as close to you as you would like. You really wish more people would talk about how lonely and shitty adulting could be.

Life was monotone, everyday felt pretty much the same. Wake up, commute, work, commute, get home to your cat, watch something to distract yourself, clean up, sleep and repeat. Few things actually brought something different to your daily life, so that’s why when Steve walks into the café on a especially hard day you get an immediate crush.

He was the most gorgeous man you’d ever seen and every time he walked into the café you could see people stop on their tracks and pretty much collectively sigh – you included. First time he came to the café you froze, absolutely butchering the order you were taking care of and spilling burning hot coffee all over yourself. Thankfully you didn’t really get any significant burns but Steve almost leapt over the counter to help you. And that’s what did it, not his beautiful smile or his great ass, how he actually worried about you on that moment and came to the rescue.

You tried to reason with yourself that that moment was just a reflection of his job — you were pretty sure being a hero was not a 9 to 5 and more of a life commitment – but even thought you knew you were not special and that he’d do it for anyone else, you couldn’t help the soul crushing crush from developing.

He came to the café at least once a week, he’d sit on a secluded table near the window and sketch for a while, sipping on some coffee and eventually ordering a piece of the freshest pie. While he did so you were pretty much useless, going through your tasks pitifully oblivious to everything around you but him.

“You know…” Celeste, your coworker says as she moves to turn off the oven you had forgotten about, before the muffins tun to ash. “before you end up burning this place down and putting us out of a job, you totally should give him your number.”

“Ha! Yeah, that’s a great idea!” You say ironically, you’ve had this conversation plenty of times before, she always urging you to do something about your feelings and you refusing. “Hello Mr. Most-Perfect-Man-And-Hero-Of-America, here’s my number so we can go on a date and get married or you can totally reject me and make my work even more awkward than it already is or simply disappear so I’ll never see your face again other than in the news…”

“Okay okay I get it” She rolls her eyes but places a gentle hand on your shoulder. “But just so you know, I think you should give yourself more credit.”

-

Days go by and Christmas fast approaches, intensifying your feelings of loneliness bit by bit. You try to hype yourself up for the holiday like you do every year, decorating the house, setting up a tree, buying gifts for your neighbors and coworkers. But deep down all of that is more of a distraction than a remedy. Celeste and your neighbors have offered for you to spend Christmas with them but, being with other peoples families while feeling like an outsider only makes you feel even more lonely – you know from experience from a few times you tried forcing yourself into those situations before.

Turns out you get the perfect excuse to refuse those invitations. Your boss Jerry comes to the café one day insisting you work on the holiday, even though you have already negotiated the day off. It takes some convincing to make you give up on your plans to stay in and enjoy some movies and cheap wine, but once he mentions how you’re the only one who doesn’t have family for the holidays, you cave.

So that’s how you end up on an empty café on a freezing Christmas morning. You watch as a few families walk around the city, rushing through the cold New York air to get to where they’re going but that’s pretty much all the people you get to see throughout your day.

Since there’s no customers you end up changing the café’s usual playlist to one of your own. You’re singing along to one of your favourites and that’s why you don’t hear when someone walks into the shop. You only hear them clearing their throat behind you, your soul almost leaving your body.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to startle you!” Steve looks at you sheepishly. Your face burns hot with embarrassment of the situation. Steve Rogers just walked in on you singing and dancing at work.

“Ah-uh… sorry, that was my bad I didn’t hear you coming in, bit of a slow day.” Steadying yourself behind the counter you take and prepare his usual order, this time to go. You don’t know if you should feel relieved or sad that he isn’t staying longer.

After you hand him his order you almost choke on your words when you’re exchanging merry Christmases since he calls you by your name. Thankfully he walks out quickly and you’re left alone with your embarrassment. You wanna facepalm and hide under the counter but before you can even move there’s a loud noise outside and every window in the café shatters from the force of whatever caused the noise.

You get up from the floor, a rush of adrenaline making your body buzz as you try to understand what just happened, when you see something move close to the front door of the shop. A large man in black tactical gear walks slowly, a weird looking gun in his hands pulsates with a weird blue energy while he aims it at something on the floor. No, not something, someone. Steve.

Before you can think better of it you grab the baseball bat hidden under the counter and walk slowly to where the man is headed, trying to be as quiet as you can while walking around the floor covered in broken glass. The man bends down to check on Steve and that’s when you take your shot, swinging the bat with full force against his head. The man immediately falls to the ground unconscious.

“Shit shit shit shit” You mumble as you move to check on Steve, he is still breathing and you can’t see any injuries other than a few cuts caused by the broken glass, but no matter what you do he won’t wake up.

Steve is taken to the nearest hospital after the ambulance is called, they take you with him since you’re a witness to the attack and also to check out your own injuries. When you get there Steve is taken to get emergency attention, you try to follow but they won’t let you since you’re not family.

As they take him away you’re left alone staring at your own reflection on the ER glass. Bitterly you whisper “But I was going to marry him”.

-

A couple of hours pass and after the police asks for your statement, a nurse ends up letting you go up to the room Steve is in, she guides you to the chair near the bed. “Let him hear your voice, dear, I’m sure he’d like to know he’s not alone.”

Before you can say anything you hear a commotion on the corridor, a cacophony of voices echoing down the hall until several people burst into the room. “This is unacceptable, his metabolism is different he need specific doctors!” You hear a faintly familiar male voice complain while another woman gasps. “He looks so pale!”

The commotion continues until everyone is in the room and you realize who they are, the freaking Avengers just walked into the room. You move to the opposite corner of the room, trying to make yourself as unnoticeable as possible as they bombard the doctors with questions.

“He is in a coma, he’s vitals are strong, brainwaves are good. He’s gonna get through this but since we don’t know much about what caused the injury we can’t say for certain what exactly is preventing him from waking up.” The doctor explains calmly only to be bluntly answered by the man you now recognize as Tony Stark. “Okay, so we know nothing. How did this happen?”

���He was shot with some sort of energy gun and it knocked him unconscious.” You whisper from the corner of the room. Everyone focuses on you now and you want to disappear.

“And who are you exactly?” Tony asks defensively, but you can’t blame him, this whole situation is just too weird. Before you can answer the nurse who guided you to the room speaks. “She’s his fiancée.”

There’s a brief moment of silence before the room erupts in voices again, you can’t keep track and you are as confused as everyone in the room. You try to interrupt their banter a few times to clarify that you definitely not Steve’s fiancée but no one would listen.

That’s until another doctor, the one who prevented you from accompanying Steve before, walks in going straight to the nurse and pointing at you. “What is she doing here?”

“Hey, buddy, she saved his life!” The police officer points out, which only makes the room erupt with comments once again.

“She saved his life?!” A beautiful red haired woman comments and there’s a pause in the commotion, everyone waiting to hear from you.

“I- Well, I might have knocked out the assailant with a baseball bat.” Your eyes keep fixed on the floor as you speak, not wanting to acknowledged the unwanted attention.

“I don’t care what she did. Visitations are for family only.” The doctor motions for you but a quick hand stops him and Tony looks him dead in the eyes. “She is family.” And there it goes again, the commotion starts and, as you try to stop everyone and clarify that you were only a witness to the attack and nothing more, everyone else keeps talking about a thousand different things and making sure you’re not kicked out, so no one hears what you have to say.

After the doctors leave you feel a gentle arm on your shoulders, it’s the woman you know know to be Natasha, her eyes glazed with unshed tears even though she tries to hold a neutral expression. “You know, we haven’t seen much of him so that’s why we didn’t know. But we always wanted him to find a nice girl and I’m so glad he found you.”

-

Later that day, when you get to escape the confines of the room you manage to speak with the nurse that started this whole situation. “Why did you say that? I’m not his fiancée!”

She looks at you like you’ve grown a second head. “But you said you were gonna marry him!”

Oh, oh no. “I was talking to myself! I just have a crush on the guy!”

“Well, next time, tell yourself you’re single and end the conversation.” She doesn’t even look mad, she just looks entertained by the whole situation. You’re conversation is then interrupted by someone coming from the room “Is there a pharmacy in the hospital? Tony needs some nitroglycerin.”

“Oh, he has a heart problem?”

“Problems. The guy has a reactor keeping his heart from collapsing, it’s a miracle he manages to get up everyday, much less keep up with this lifestyle.” As the nurse leaves to get the medicine the man turns to you, a gentle smile on his face and you think that now might be the time to tell the true and ditch this whole situation. “Honestly I think you might have saved his life, your engagement is the only good news we got in quite a while.” That shuts you up quite effectively, erasing your planed speech completely from your head. “I’m Sam by the way. And, I guess, welcome to the family!”

-

You go home that night but thoughts keep replaying in your head, especially the way everyone took you in so quickly and accepted you as family. It as wrong but it ignited a feeling you hadn’t felt in such a long time, making you feel wanted and like you belonged, even if it was a lie. You give up on sleeping and end up deciding to go to the hospital again, not really minding that it is the middle of the night.

When you get there you have no problem with getting to the room, now that the lie had spread through the hospital staff. Steve looks peaceful, more lively than when you last seen him here, but it’s very weird to see him in such a state – especially without his signature smile. You sit next to him awkwardly.

“You must be wondering what I’m going here in the middle of the night. Well, I think I should at least explain myself properly. We met at the café but I’m suddenly your fiancée, this is very sudden.. Never been engaged before so all of this is very new.” You laugh sheepishly. “I really didn’t mean for this to happen, I’m so sorry. It’s just that… I didn’t have the heart to tell them. They called me family, they seem so happy to know I was with you. I haven’t had that in such a long time. My whole family is gone and I’m all alone, so I just….” You breathe deep, you know it’s not right to keep this lie up but it takes a lot to fight against the feelings that you haven’t felt in so long, even if it’s fake. “Have you ever felt so lonely that you spend the night confusing a man in a coma?” Again you laugh, but without any mirth. “But don’t worry I’ll tell them tomorrow.”

“Actually… please, don’t.” You turn around in surprise as Sam walks into the room. “This is really the only thing keeping them together right now. Steve has been gone for a while and knowing he’s doing good, that he found love, is making them bear this situation.” He probably sees the look of despair and shame on your face because he continues. “Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. But please, I’m sure Steve will wake up soon, and when he does I’ll tell everyone the truth and that I asked you to keep it a secret. I promise.”

Sam is a nice guy and he keeps you company through the night, conversation flows naturally between the two of you. “You know, you should come to our Christmas dinner. With everything that happened no one really celebrated so we’re having a nice dinner tomorrow. Bucky will be there, you haven’t met him but I’m sure you two will love each other.” Like with the previous invitations you refuse, but this time for another reason, this time around you are afraid of feeling too much at home, only for it to be ripped away from you again.

-

A couple of months prior…

“Steve, why the hell would you want me to go to this café so bad?” Bucky sounds really irritated, it’s the almost tenth time that Steve has been pestering him about going to get coffee with him. He really doesn’t like cafés, they are always crowded, loud and have mediocre overpriced coffee. He might not make the best coffee in the world but at least he can make a decent cup without having to go through the trouble of going out and paying a truly insane amount for something he could do himself.

“They have great pie, like the one we use to eat when we were younger.” Even though he tries, Bucky has seen it one too many times and Steve’s puppy eyes will not work on him, so he just stares at the man dead serious. He knows Steve is hiding something, he was always protective of Bucky and respected his boundaries and, hell, if their pies or coffee was so good, he could just bring some.

“Okay, fine” Steve caves and leaves alone for the café. He knows that if he tells Bucky the real reason he will be even more adamant on not going, but he can’t help but think it is a shame. He just knows the woman who works at the shop is just his type and that they would get along great. His best friend has been alone for so long and he just wants him to find someone to share his life with. Sure, he has been getting much better at making friends but it is still very hard in a city like New York and especially when you’re a man out of his own time.

If you're here, thank you so much for reading! I really hope you enjoyed it!

I'm in the process of writing the next part, so I'll probably post it this week.

[fullymyself]

this applies to both of them

[fullymyself]

i hate when you google a word and some fucking company comes up instead. Do you think you are more important than the english dictionary you piece of shit corporation

[fullymyself]

life's too short to write for an imaginary critic that you fear will hate what you wrote

[fullymyself]

has anyone seen the preview from that new artbook... does anyone else uh. does anyone else. umm.

[fullymyself]

Is it your birthday?? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 🎂🩷 I’m so happy to hear the comments I left made you so happy 🥹🩷 Thank you for the encouraging comments in return 🫶🏼 I always try my best to give the best feedback I can and it takes me time, but I love it!! 🫶🏼

I hope you had or have a wonderful birthday and I wish you the best in your writing endeavors!! ❤️❤️

— @elixirfromthestars ✨

It is, thank you so much! Had a bit of a weird day but overall it was pretty nice (lots of cake and gossip).

[fullymyself]

The Addams Family (1991)

[fullymyself]

me when someone shows me what they look like as that ai doll/action figure thing

[fullymyself]

hi i love your art style so much! i saw some of your marvel fanart and i was wondering if you enjoyed the spiderman trilogy? could you please draw matt murdock and peter parker? :D they're my favorite characters and i was so happy to see them interact in far from home! it's okay if you don't want to, either way, have a nice day!

Spider-Man is my favourite super hero!! I haven’t seen much of Daredevil but this FEELS like something that might happen

[fullymyself]

🦔

This is Charles. He wants to go on a journey around tumblr. could you show him around?

[fullymyself]

They’re both in their 30s

[fullymyself]

being a blogger is fun because sometimes people will tag your posts like “#hannibal lecter ghostwrote this” and you just have to go. ok then

[fullymyself]

historical drama/sitcom where two gay best friends (woman and man) get lavender married--and proceed to spend the Fancy European Honeymoon their parents paid for acting as each other's wingman

[fullymyself]

just learned people associate em dashes with chat gpt. Girl fuck you. You can pry em dashes from my cold dead hands. One of us is gonna have to stop using em— and it’s not gonna be me!

[fullymyself]

Im gonna be so real can yall actually talk about ways we can support trans women in the UK instead of giving all the attention to fucking JKR. I already know that Harry Poter sucks, I wanna know how to actually HELP people. Something something you have to love the oppressed more than you hate the oppressor

[fullymyself]

oh my god, thank you so much for such an in depth look at this story! It warmed my heart so much to read it!

Also I wanna thank you again for such a lovely challenge and such care and extensive comments on all the fics, you're absolutely wonderful 💗

Drowning

Pairing: Matt Murdock X Reader

Word count: 2,406

Prompts: "I love you" "It'll pass" from Fleabag, and I also added a bit of one of my favourite songs, Hymm To Virgil by Hozier (it's very Matt)

Warnings: angst, cursing, mentions of injury and reader gets into a fight

Notes: Hello! This is my entry for @elixirfromthestars Cinema Writing Challenge! I've been away from writing for a few years now. The last time I wrote anything, it was the begging of the pandemic and I ended up stopping completely and deleting my Tumblr account during that time. It was pretty hard to come back and it's been such a long time, so I can't help but feel really anxious with posting again, so I wanted to thank Mel for this wonderful challenge that made me get back into writing!

English is not my first language so please forgive me for any mistakes, if I re-read this fic one more time I'm gonna give in to my anxiety and not post it. Hope you enjoy it and sorry for the angst!

Divider by @enchanthings-a

''Matt, stop!" Your voice echoes in the apartment, louder than you meant it to and high enough to make him stop rushing his way up the stairs. "If you're really doing this, when... if you come home, there'll be no one waiting for you."

That gets his full attention and he turns around on the steps, facing you. The fire behind his expression lowers and through the cracks you can see the hurt starting to sip through. He opens his mouth but you cut him off. "Don't start with your excuses, Murdock, I'm done with it. Call it whatever you want to make yourself feel better, this isn't right. I've known about your demons, I've accepted them and you know damn well I've got my own but this..." You step closer to him so you can push against the leather covering his chest. "This was meant to be a symbol, this was hope, justice... not an excuse for you to go around acting like the people you fight against"

"I-" His voice cracks and you can see the tears forming in his eyes, you  know he  can read your emotions better than anyone and you're sure he can tell how serious and hurt you are. You have to close your eyes and breathe, fighting against every instinct that tells you to comfort him. You know you're right and you're not backing down now. "I've got to do this. They won't stop hurting innocent people, people we love, if I don't stop them. I need to protect you, Foggy, Karen..."

"Don't put this on us. If you keep trying to justify this with some noble excuse instead of recognizing you're doing this for yourself, for your pride, your pain, your vengeance... you're gonna end up like the men you're sacrificing everything to fight against. " You fight the tears threatening to fall and your throat burns in protest. "What will happen when you run out of people to hide behind, Matt?"

"You're right." You step back needing to put as much distance as possible between the two of you, knowing damn well it'd take every bit of strength you had to walk away from him. "I don't understand." You quickly grab your phone and coat and make your way to the door.

"You don't understand..." You look at him, incredulous and hurt, and can't help but scoff. You've been by his side, through the bad and the ugly. You've seen Matthew Murdock, the righteous church boy turned attorney. You've held him when his world was crashing down, you've been together through loss, grief, happiness, pleasure... but you'd also seen the devil of Hell's Kitchen. You'd seen the anger come out, the hatred, the desire to hurt and make people pay. Retribution, revenge, payback... and even then, when the world shrieked in fear, you had stood by his side and loved every part of him.

Before you can register it, he's in your way, hands hesitantly reaching out to you. "Wait, Y/N, I can't... I can't do this without you"

"And I can't do this with you. I won't sit here and wait for you to become the same monster you've been fighting." You push past him and he doesn't resist.

As you're making your way through the door, you hear his voice for the last time, and it takes everything in you to not turn around. His voice is soft and cracking with the effort to keep his pain at bay - it's all Matthew and no Devil. "I love you"

"It will pass" You say resolutely as the door closes behind you, trying more to convince yourself than him, even though it feels like you clawed your heart out of your chest and left it in the hands of the man you loved.

You walk aimlessly through the streets of a damned city praying to a God you weren't even sure you believed in to keep him safe, to let him come back home safe and with his soul intact.

It's only once you're blocks away and you're sure he can't hear you that you allow the tears to slip out. It's pretty much impossible to keep the panic at bay when all you can think is that Matt might not comeback from this fight and you didn't say it back.

_

Months passed, somehow both too quickly and tortuously slowly. You hadn't seen Matt again and did everything you could to keep yourself from hearing about him too - even though every cell of your body missed him, you had to remain away from him or you knew you'd fold.

Karen had helped you get your things out of the apartment so you wouldn't have to go back. Foggy had also offered to help you with... well, everything, but you couldn't ask him to choose a side in this.

In order to keep yourself sane you had an agreement with the both of them, no talks of Matt or Daredevil when you met -  usually at Josie's where the so called drinks would help you forget for at least a few hours just how fucked the past months had been.

They'd make sure your get togethers would happen when Matt was too busy with work or with his side gig to go out so you wouldn't have to worry about awkward soul crushing encounters.

The second agreement was unspoken but it was clear as day - if Matt was hurt or in serious danger you'd be the first to call. No details were ever given, unless you asked, and the calls usually lasted only a few seconds in which a crying Foggy would try to sound tough but would end up only whispering a ''He's safe, you can rest.''

But turns out maybe you should have had an agreement about you as well.

_

It was a stupid move, you were well aware, but when it happened you really didn't think before you acted.

You were on your way back home from work when you heard a woman scream and saw man running down the street in your direction. A brown haired woman ran out of a building, several bruises covered her face and she struggled to shout a plea for someone to stop the man.

You acted on instinct and became an obstacle on the man's path. He collided with you full on, throwing both of you to the floor with extraordinary force, your whole body aching on impact.

''You fucking bitch!'' He shouted scrambling to get up as you grabbed his arm, trying to keep him down as long as possible as the sound of sirens kept getting closer.

Suddenly, as the streets got illuminated by red and blue lights, the man grabbed a fistful of your hair, his other hand coming down to strike your face. 

It hurt like bitch and destabilised you long enough for the man to get away, only to be tackled down by police a few feet away.

_

It was definitely going to bruise, you thought to yourself as you examined your face on the mirror, but other than that and a few cuts and scrapes you were okay - physically at least.

After the day you had, being alone in your apartment and having to take care of yourself, was incredibly hard. You couldn't help but imagine that this must be a fraction of what Matt felt when he would get home after a hard night and just wanted to be held.

There's a faint knock on your window when you go back to the living room, and you turn around to find Matthew pearched on the fire escape. You don't know if your heart is beating uncontrollably because of the jumpscare he manged to give you or because he's actually in front of you after all this time - if you had to guess, probably both.

Hesitantly you make your way to the window and let him in. He's not wearing his usual red getup, rather his older black attire. You know he wears it when he needs to do something he doesn't want the media to associate with Daredevil but you can't help how it tugs at your heart - this was the Matt you first met and fell in love with.

Matt keeps shifting where he stands, clearly uncomfortable and not knowing how to proceed. It's only when you talk that his body relaxes a bit and he reaches up to lift the cloth hiding his face. "Hi, Matthew." Against all the conflicting feelings and hurt, your voice is soft around his name, making it sound heavy and sweet - like an indulgent bite of your favourite treat. He takes a long, deep breath, savouring the way his name sounds coming from your lips. ''How did you know?'' This time, your voice is harsher, pointed at him with sharp edges.

''Police radio'' Of course he did. You take a deep breath but don't respond. There's a part of you that wishes he'd known because he was keeping tabs on you not because of some random police message, but you're not willing to listen to it, so you justify your annoyance with having your privacy violated, with knowing that even after all this time he still knew things about yourself without you having to say a word while you could not be certain of anything when it came to him even when he'd talk to you.

After a while he moves, hands reaching out with so much hesitation, torn between being afraid you'll step away from him and being afraid you'll open up again and he might hurt you. Seeing the man that had touched you so freely and adoringly before hesitating so much broke your heart.

You met him half way, gently guiding his warm hand to your face. The almost featherlight touch sent shivers down your body and you had to fight against leaning onto it, for the sake of your bruised face and your sanity.

''Are you okay?'' His voice was sweet but there was something else lingering beneath it as his fingers examined your face, lightly touching the feaverish skin of your bruised cheek and trailing down to the small cut on your lips. His jaw tightened with anger.

''I'm okay, just got a few bruises and scratches, nothing I can't handle.'' You try to reassure both him and yourself, clinging to the words you had repeated like a mantra for the past months - I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay...

''You know that's not what I'm asking.'' There's a faint smile on his lips, one burdened with sadness and acknowledgement. He always knew you too well for your own sake. ''How are you?''

You know he can assess how you are physically, probably better than any doctor, and though he knows you well enough to know how you might feel, he can't read your mind. So, with the mess of thoughts running through your head you settle with being as honest as you can. ''I don't know.''

And you really don't. The past months have been an amalgamation of intense and opposing feelings. There's the part of you that is hurt, tired and that wants to scream at him for everything that happened. But there's also the part of you that loves him, that has longed for him and that just wants to be in his arms. Trying to fall out of love with him is like trying to breath underwater, having your lungs fill with water day after day while telling yourself that everything was okay.

Before the tears turn into sobs, Matt pulls you into his arms. You stay like that for god knows how long, he just let's you cry while he holds you. His hand moves through your hair in an attempt to soothe you and when you finally stop crying he doesn't let you go, pressing a kiss to the top of your head but only tightening his arms around you. Now that you're calmer, you can feel how much his hands are shaking.

"I know I'm in no position to ask you this but please never do anything like that again." Now that he speaks again you realize he's been crying as well, his voice heavy and hoarse. All you can do is nod against his chest.

More time goes by until you finally muster up the courage to speak again. "What are we now, Matt?"

He takes a while to speak, and just as you think he's not going to, he sighs. "I don't know." There's a pause as he let's go of you. He brushes away the hair sticking to your wet cheeks and cups your face, forcing you to look at him. "But I need you to know that everything you said to me that night was true, and I was too much of an idiot to see it." He sighs again, and you can see the hesitation on his features. "Everything was true but one thing... it didn't pass, and I don't think it ever will. I love you, and I don't care about what we are, I would burn the world to bring some heat to you. That won't change if we're friends, acquaintances, friends of friends... I just can't be a stranger. I wanna be a part of your life, anyway you'll have me."

He's the man without fear, yet the only thing you can see on him is how afraid he is as he waits for you to say anything.

"I fought against it with everything I had, and it almost broke me, Matt." It's your turn to touch his face and he does not show the same control you had before. He leans  his face against the palm of your hand and all but moans with the feeling. "It's impossible to fall out of love with you." Carefully and slowly, you move to press your lips against his.

God knows the problems are not solved between the two of you, there will still be battles to be fought and arguments to be had. But as you lay on the couch listening to his heartbeat and talking honestly about everything that you hadn't had the courage to talk about before, you realize this is how the world is meant to be. For the first time in months you feel like you're no longer drowning.

If you're here, hi!!! Thank you so so so much for reading and I really hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is very much appreciated.

If you liked this fic, I'm trying to get back to writing so I'm accepting requests and I'm also planning on rewriting some fics I wrote in the past, if any of these catch your eye let me know cause I have no idea with which one to start:

Bucky Barnes X Maximoff!Reader - the story is based on the movie Practical Magic and the reader was raised alongside Pietro and Wanda. The siblings ended up growing apart in recent years, that is until the day Bucky Barnes showed up at your door with Wanda passed out in his arms. Now you're confronted not only with your family but it's curse.

Bucky Barnes X Reader - the story is based on the movie While You Were Sleeping. You work at a café and have a secret crush on Steve Rogers, the super soldier who has been coming to the shop every week to grab a coffee and sketch. One day, he is attacked right in front of the café and, even though you manage to save his life, he falls into a deep coma. All it takes is one misplaced comment and now the whole hospital and the Avengers think you're Steve's secret fiancée. What's worst is that now you find yourself falling for his best friend.

Aaand that's it! Thank you so much again and I hope you have a great day!