#BURNOUT SOLO

[io-lu-art]

*sighs* hello.

here, have some hurt/comfort reylo.

you're welcome.

[prince-liest]

Claws my way into consciousness.

My last night shift (of this rotation) is finally over!!

Things that suck: My one day off this week is ostensibly Sunday. I finished my shift at 7am on Sunday. I am back to day shifts starting 9am on Monday. Haha. This is fine.

Silver linings: All my day shifts are 9 hours days instead of 10 hours, and Tues/Weds are FM program stuff (clinic plus an afternoon of didactics) which are comparatively much more chill than the emergency deparment. Also, still being in my 20s means that if I set myself up well for it, I'm pretty good at switching between days and nights even when they only give me one day for it. (So far.) (It's still not fun, though.)

I've been told that a lot of residency is "getting comfortable with being uncomfortable" and while it initially made me prickle to hear, I'm starting to actually settle into that, because it's very true. Almost every single thing I have done this rotation so far, from simple to complicated, has been something that I've never done (and often never even seen done) before, and that's uncomfortable! But every time I think, "Oh, god, a pediatric patient with nebulous kidney problems that I don't know how to address, I don't want to go take that one!" the follow-up thought is: "Well, it would be really hard to fuck it up so badly my attending couldn't fix it, and how else am I gonna learn?" And then after that I get, like, five vomiting infants in a row and suddenly seeing a baby isn't inherently terrifying and also now I know every possible way to prescribe a baby Zofran, haha.

That said, there's only so long I can consistently maintain that level of ambient stress, so I'm looking forward to my next rotation, which is orthopedic surgery and allegedly a chill 8-5 with weekends off. Shoutout to all the seniors in the ED who continue to be quite nice and supportive, and also understanding of my stress levels and confusion. (And also to the psych resident I keep having night shifts with as the only other non-EM intern around! Solidarity!!)

[neonbuck]

hey uh. this month is extremely critical for me as i gear up to find a more stable work situation- i'll be going to conventions with the help of a friend to look for a small art business or collective to join. my health has been badly interfering with this. so any support i get within the next 2 weeks will have my eternal gratitude in return

[melien]

[greyturned]

...peaks head in

bruh

I know it's been a hot minute since I've been here, rip. I'm sorry for all the radio silence these last few months. Work and school have kept me somewhat busy, but when I'm not, I'm usually drained. and honestly? I've just not been that motivated to return to Tumblr. it's nothing against any of you, i miss writing with you guys and i poke in from time to time to see how you're doing, I've just not had the spoons to be on the site in a while. And while I've missed writing, I've also gotten back into reading, and my tbr is as long as i am tall, so there's that lol.

I don't want to make any promises, bc while this semester is looking to be a bit easier on me - I am looking to find a new job and leave my current one, but if anything happens, it won't be till the summer. I would like to try to be here and write from time to time tho, bc I miss my boy and I miss my plots and I miss all you wonderful beans. That might not be right away, as my new semester is still fresh and already jumbled with the weather canceling our second week back, but hopefully soon. I think it's gone unspoken, but my hiatus has and still remains in effect regardless.

I hope all of you are doing well and had a good holiday, and are staying warm and safe with the weird weather lately! And I hope to see y'all again soon!

[yourundead]

Working almost 10 hour shifts the last 2 days and finally day off tomorrow and I feel like

[ross-nekochan]

La malattia della settimana scorsa, come è giusto che sia, mi ha fatto "rallentare" e riflettere sui ritmi che sto sostenendo in questi mesi e su alcuni punti di questo lavoro. I ritmi sono molto serrati, ma è anche perché io decido quotidianamente di perseguire la mia passione della palestra, sottraendo ore di riposo e di preparazione pasti - quindi un po' è anche colpa mia.

In quella settimana di malattia e per il discorso ferie ho odiato la mia azienda nella maniera più forte possibile - avrei voluto andarmene via subito. Tuttavia, quando penso a dimettermi nel momento in cui sono nell'azienda che mi è stata assegnata mi sento abbastanza in pace: l'ambiente è multiculturale, il lavoro non è complicato, i colleghi non sono per niente male e ho il caffè e il cappuccino gratis.

Se dovessi pensare a quello che proprio non va è una cosa sola: il viaggio. Perdo praticamente 3h della mia giornata solo per raggiungere e tornare dall'ufficio.

E allora il punto è: devo cambiare lavoro o devo cambiare casa?

Se cambiassi casa e mi avvicinassi a Tokyo potrei, sì, dimezzare i tempi ma perderei l'aiuto all'affitto che attualmente l'azienda mi offre (ovvero mezzo affitto me lo pagano loro per 2 anni) e, cosa più importante, perderei il contatto diretto con tutti gli amici che ho conosciuto qui. È pur vero che so già che prima o poi ci si abbandona, ma è come se non mi sentissi in grado di fare il primo passo (specialmente se si aggiunge al discorso economico). Inoltre, anche questo lavoro nell'attuale azienda potrebbe essere temporaneo e potrei essere spostata da un giorno all'altro.

Quindi che fare? La soluzione sarebbe fare una scala delle priorità e capire cosa fare. Però nel momento in cui mi decido a cambiare casa, sto lì a pensare a quanto mi costerà in più e alla perdita umana che dovrò affrontare (e che forse non sono ancora pronta ad affrontare).

In tutto ciò, ogni tanto mando cv totalmente a caso e questo mi ha portato oggi (che sono in smartworking*) a fare due colloqui con due aziende diversissime tra loro:

- nel primo caso è nell'industria dei viaggi e del turismo. Azienda internazionale solida con 2 giorni a settimana in smart e con 10 giorni di malattia in aggiunta alle ferie retribuite. Tutto molto allettante, se non fosse che mi sono resa conto che il giapponese probabilmente non potrei usarlo più frequentemente come adesso;

- nel secondo, industria dell'insegnamento dell'inglese. Orari un po' strambi e con il lunedì di riposo invece del sabato. In questo caso dovrei praticamente gestire una mini scuola tra genitori e personale per cui il giapponese è richiesto e lo utilizzerei. Poco chiaro il discorso ferie (120 annual leaves che significano? Che leaves sono? Boh).

Non so come andrà a finire (dato che sembrano sempre tutti interessati ma poi ti ghostano). Sebbene l'unica cosa certa che so è che in generale non sento che il mondo IT mi appartenga e che un giorno cambierò campo, ogni volta che comincio a muovermi, tutto quello che lascio indietro diventa evidente e mi mette sempre molta tristezza al punto che vorrei che le cose rimanessero come sono. Sarà sicuramente la paura dell'ignoto...

[glumspell]

some dundoodles. shoutout to TJ Walker for finally giving Dee the sick villain eye scar he deserves

[laz-kay]

Being alone is a foreign concept to me. I’m familiar with loneliness, but in 26 years, I’ve never experienced what it’s like to “be alone”. I’ve always been surrounded by people; people I love and would move mountains for. But after more than a quarter of a century, human interaction has well and truly caught up with me.

I’ve been away by myself before, sure, but I’ve never been so truly isolated where the nearest human being is a mile up the road. It’s so quiet here; I can finally hear myself think for the first time in 26 years. I don’t need to pose or mask for anyone, and I can finally figure out what’s going on in my messy little brain.

I - among so many others - am very familiar with grief. We’re like old friends. Old friends that feel like no time has passed since they last met. I’m the kind of person who goes into autopilot when someone close to me dies. I need to be doing things. Always busy. Always working. I need to look after everyone; all the time. If I stop, then I get messy. I think it’s time for me to get messy.

I look after my mother with heart failure, I work a full time job, I’m constantly catching bugs and flus like it’s a competition I’m really good at, and my body is tired. I’m a very confused 26 year old who doesn’t have a clue where to go in life, because I feel so tied down. I’ve been told endlessly that I’ve no reason to feel tied down, but my brain won’t seem to let go.

I’m here in solitude for almost 6 days. Maybe it’s time for me to truly let go and let my mind and body relax. I have no responsibilities whilst I’m here. I have no set in stone plans. Just me, my books, my notepads and my sketchbook. I recon that’s all I need. Here’s to “letting go”, I guess🫡

[taehyungfirst]

I think the problem with the fandom is only going to continue. Because yes, there will clearly be a comeback and group efforts. That's the whole point of enlisting together. But there is also no way they are going to give up on their solo activities. They want to continue in their own individual endeavors, which are not only unique from each other but from the group. And that will be hard to navigate with a fandom this splintered and dysfunctional. There will be clear pressure points. And like we are seeing now with Tae and JHope, when members activities overlap or seem competition, the dysfunction shoots through the roof.

There is likely the most potential for that when it comes to JK's solo efforts. His sound and his goals (mainstream/Western pop success) are in most direct competition with the group. JM solos are bonkers but committed. So they will keep streaming and crying about how persecuted he is. And while Tae clearly has challenges when it comes to the company and the fandom, I do think he has one of the strongest long games because he has spent this time wisely establishing his unique sound/approach and continuing to build not only his immediate support network but his broader one.

Hi! I agree it’s going to continue but they will have to wait some time when they come back for other solo content. I believe they will be immediately rushed into working on the bts comeback, then the tour, and after that (2 more years?) they will resume again their individual projects. Or else they’re gonna be overworked and exhausted. In the meantime, they’re gonna have to interact with group content and I hope that stan twt will grow a backbone by then and bully off the akgaes. Or at least don’t be intimidated by them? 😭

When projects overlapped, for awards season, they always said to vote it for the member who was leading, what changed is that they get jealous when it’s the member they don’t want to lead, so they should drop the ot6/ot2 mask.

Jk is being recognized by the gp so he could get that push, Jm I feel is strictly connected to bts and still didn’t make a name for himself (must be the sound? I feel like he’s still navigating), Tae is being smart and building his loyal fanbase so we will see how things go.

[toxictoxicities]

HELLO UM (im kinda scared to ask this with my account and not as an anon-) ANYWAYS UMM are you participating in artfight this year??? If so, can I have a link of your profile....?"/()!)= I just love your art so much heheddsdfds okbye

I almost feel like I'm the only one not doing it but I know two close mates of mine aren't either which is nice.

However I do host a mini artfight every second year between close buddies where it's chill. I get spooked in big public things HAHA like I need a bridge from this to that I can't just dive in and into expectations and responsibility, commitment- all that jazz. I guess that's why I haven't done inktober again- a formula for burnout.

I'd rather just go around on my own accord and draw fanart here n there! ALSO NEVER BE SCARED TO PUT STUFF IN MY INBOX RDFTYGHU I don't bite unless you ask~

[haichengtual]

never trusting my gut again skz album was kind of a flop sadly

[ofpolitics]

IT IS A GOOD DAY TO BE A STAR WARS FAN. IT IS A GOOD DAY TO BE A STAR WARS FAN WHO WAS RIGHT.

[diremoone]

I’m super happy I basically don’t have to try and pull for my husbands anymore since i got their cards first thing but lwk my greedy ass wants all four of them cards lmao 😂

[tootyfrootycasbooty]

drinking red wine like a fish alone in my flat like it’s 2016. that bitch was SAD

[darkness-insideus]

Ogni tanto vorrei solo che il modo si fermasse per un po'. Così da potermi prendere tempo per pensare e capire che cosa sto facendo della mia vita.