#BRO WHAT. no wonder he was like 'onions?'

[powpowhammer]

local frog gets truck food near washington square park

[ryanmarshallryan]

I've been having a lot more people reach out about the vore stories I write, so thought I'd throw it out there if anyone wants to donate to help me have more time to write stories, or likes my style and wants to commission something let me know over dm!

I usually write thinking from a prey perspective, but was feeling hungry after eating salads for a month and switched to pred for this story.

DIET BACKFIRED

I love my weight. I think my belly looks great on me. When I see those old statues of historical figures with dad bods I see myself and love it. But after gaining 25 pounds in a few months from stress, I decided to try out a diet for a bit, just to be cautious of my health. Man, it was hard. And this morning my hunger took control.

I was preparing a salad, heated up some chicken to mix in, sprinkled in some shredded cheese, spinach, lettuce, cucumber, tomato and such. All I could think about was how wonderful it would feel to have a full belly again. Not just feeling satisfied, but pigging out and shoving as much down my maw as possible. Feeling the gainer bug while also trying to diet was not going to work for me. I tore through my cabinet to find an old box of cookies. I opened the box, came to my senses and closed it, then decided I didn’t care and ate the remainder in one sitting. To try to slow myself down and tire out my palette, I tried to eat a bunch of lettuce, but then added a bunch of croutons and snacks without thinking. I still felt hungry, but just left the kitchen to stop myself.

Later, I hung out with my work-out buddy, Max, and vented about my hunger, “I’m still eating a lot! Just replacing chips with a lot of low fat snacks. So if the quantity of food I’m eating is the same, why am I always feeling sooooo hungry? Ugh.”

“Bro, sounds like you need a cheat day. But, hey, if you’re stressed about having too much high fat food, I can help you eat big while still holding back on the chips.”

“Well it can be helpful to sit with the feeling for a while. So if you start feeling hungry, write down exactly what you are craving and what that feels like. By the time you are done writing it out, if you’re still hungry for it… go for it. If the feeling passes, then move on,” Max continued.

“I’m sure we could try it, but I don’t see how much of a difference it’ll make.” I replied. I knew Max worked as some sort of private personal trainer or something on the side, so I felt inclined to believe him, but my stomach was doubtful.

After our workout, we visited a smoothie place and got large chocolate banana protein smoothies (after writing out what I was craving and waiting a moment before deciding to go through with it). I sucked mine down so fast I got a mild brain freeze.

“So how are you feeling? Hungry for another one?” Max asked, playfully placing a hand on my gut and giving it a quick rub.

“Ugh, I would totally go for a burger and fries right now… no, onion rings… actually both,” I replied, as Max handed me a notepad and pen. I wrote down the menu in my mind and thought about how it can be nice to feel so full without another care in the world.

“It’s been a few minutes… still hungry?” Max said with a sly smile.

“What do you think?” I asked him, lifting my gym shirt up to reveal my hairy belly, which gave a perfectly timed gurgle.

Max drove to my favorite burger joint and ordered a few meals and insisted on paying “This is my idea, don’t worry about it… for science!”

After downing two large burgers, a full bag of onion rings and a couple sides of fries, plus an apple that came with Max’s meal that he was too full to finish, I sat with my gut extended out in front of me.

Max leaned over to me, pulled my shirt up over my belly and patted it with his closed fist as if knocking at a door, “So how are you doing, hungry guy?” He put his ear to my side and listened intently to the stomach gurgles, occasionally making sounds of “Mmm,” “Yes, I see,” “Interesting.” I couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the absurdity of Max speaking to my belly.

“What’s so funny about listening to your gut? Intuitive eating is no joke,” Max said with a joking smile, “What is your stomach telling you?”

I thought for a moment, grabbed the notepad and wrote down ‘Though I should be full and done eating… Ice cream would hit the spot right now… Surely that would fill me up, and fill the void the low fat snacks have opened.’ I handed Max the written note.

Max looked from my belly to my eyes with a poker face, “I know just the place.”

In a few minutes we rolled up to Max’s apartment. Inside he pulled out some pints of cookies and cream ice cream and some mint chocolate chip. He handed me a spoon and opened the containers and sat across from me.

“Do you want me to get a bowl?” I asked.

“Nah. Try to intuitively eat. Just eat until your body feels done.”

“So… eat until there’s a nationwide ice cream shortage?”

Max threw his head back laughing, “If we get to that point, maybe we’ll pivot to a new tactic, but for now, feel free to eat as much as you want.” He looked endearingly into my eyes, and I felt my gut rumble, whether by digestion or hunger, or both, I couldn’t discern.

As I scooped down ice cream, we chatted about hunger, about scarcity mindset when it comes to food, and he told me some interesting facts about digestion and how to make room in one's stomach faster than normal by laying on the left side.

“Is this the stuff people need to know for your personal training work and such?” I asked.

“Personal training stuff?” Max gave a look of puzzlement then laughed, “I think I said that sarcastically a while back. A few guys pay me to help them gain weight and eat big. So sort of a personal trainer, but kind of the opposite effect that most would expect.”

“Ohhh, this tactic makes a bit more sense now,” I replied, continuing to eat the ice cream.

“Well, I thought if I encouraged you to experience the ability to eat as much as you want without restriction, you’ll realize that you don’t have to eat everything. It sounds like you are always hungry, because you are always denying that you want food.”

“Hmm, I suppose that’s true,” I went to scoop up more ice cream then realized I’d eaten all of it.

“How are you feeling?” Max asked, rubbing the top of my belly.

I felt a grumble deep in my stomach.”I can definitely feel my belly full of food, but I also could definitely do the whole thing all over again.”

Max considered me for a moment, then started listing off some random digestion facts again. He put his head on my stomach again, lifted my shirt off my body, listened again, took his hands and gently opened my mouth wide and peered down my throat, until I started laughing and he couldn't hold my mouth open.

“What are you doing? You think my stomach is gonna speak back to you in English?” I joked.

“No… but I wonder if I could better understand your hunger if I could better see inside your gut. Hmmm, maybe even just peering down your esophagus…”

“Don’t you need a fancy scope for that or something?”

“Not if you’re willing to relax your throat for a moment…” Max said. I shrugged, and he straddled my lap and shoved his head into my mouth. I could feel his energetic breathing against my tongue and wondered how on earth he could see anything down my throat with his head blocking light from the outside.

I heard a muffled “I’d like to see a bit further…” and felt him push his whole body forward into me. His shoulders shoved their way into my maw and stretched my jaw wide like an opera singer. I choked a little bit feeling his scratchy hair make contact with my uvula and the bottom of my tongue. I reflexively closed my lips over his skin and swallowed as the hair and breath tickled my maw. I realized that my peristalsis must have taken a bit of control, because I was surprised to see that I was looking down at his lower back with his arms pinned to his sides. I felt his nipples and pectoral muscles sliding against my tongue and felt his head squeezed tightly through my lower esophagus. What was going on? Though the sensation was filling me with dopamine and adrenaline, I realized that somehow my body was getting ready to eat a whole human, so I mentally prepared myself to try and regurgitate him. But instead I felt him force himself deeper into my throat, as his feet pushed off against the floor, and his upper torso wriggled and squirmed to slide deeper into me. I felt a sloshing in my gut, and heard a muffled intake of air and the continuation of more digestion facts being spewed out of Max’s ever curious mind obsessed with digestion.

Since Max seemed so intent on getting inside my stomach, and I knew I would need to breathe soon, I decided to help him out. I lifted his legs up over my head and felt gravity pulling him down my throat. I pulled his gym shorts and such off him and felt the interesting texture of his little belly over his abs, mixed with gym sweat and belly hair, felt past his hard on and groin, and his thick thighs as they all passed over my tongue and against my soft palate. My stomach finally began to feel full, as it sloshed with its soupy contents of dinner encasing Max’s squirming upper body. I knew Max’s hands had been freed from the tight grip of my esophagus as my inner stomach felt a peculiar tickling sensation with Max rubbing it from the inside. I felt him poke around and heard his muffled casual observations about my stomach.

I felt Max’s muscles seize up as he put his legs together tightly and let them slide easily down my throat. I felt his cold feet tickle my tongue, uvula and esophagus until they finally plopped into my stomach and I felt my throat open enough for me to exhale and breathe in more oxygen finally.

I took a few moments to gather my thoughts and catch my breath, feeling Max move around and curl up into a ball inside my tight stomach. I looked down to see the bulge his head made toward the top of my belly, with other odd bumps sticking out that I assumed were his knees and feet pressing up against my stomach walls. I felt his clammy hands push up against my stomach as he surveyed his new situation.

“Max, I forgot to write this craving down first.” I said, jokingly.

“Don’t worry I already did!” I heard him shout back, hearing it almost come up through my own throat. I stared in confusion at the opened notepad next to me and flipped to the last written note that read ‘Ice cream and everything else isn’t satisfying enough. Maybe eating me will do the trick. - Max’

My belly gurgled in surprise, “You planned for me to eat you?”

“I did shove myself down your throat, didn’t I?”

“But why would you -”

“Hey you didn’t try and stop me, bud,” he replied. I felt a pat against my belly, and shivered a little bit.

“Yeah, but I thought you just wanted to glance inside, but you wriggled in deeper!”

“Are you mad that I did?” Max asked. I felt him shifting his weight inside my gut and resting into me.

I considered the events of the night. I had really craved a day to just eat all I wanted, and Max gave all that to me and more. Even though I definitely didn’t expect him to force his way onto the menu, my belly felt much more satiated than it had been. “... I’m not mad at you… just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into… but I do have a confession.”

“What is it?” Max asked, shifting around and pressing his head up against the place where my hand was resting on my belly.

“I could go for some orange sherbert right now… I think your diet tactic failed.” My stomach added a large grumble and groan in agreement.

“Failed for you, maybe. But I’m cozy!” Max tried to stretch out a bit and I watched my stomach bulges shift in a funny manner, and felt my belly tighten and knead Max in response. “Plus, I think I figured out why you’ve been so hungry lately.”

“And what have you discovered?”

“That you should have eaten me ages ago! Once I’m digested into belly fat you’ll have more energy stored in your cells for longer, so you won’t be as hungry all the time! It’s simple science,” Max replied matter of factly.

“I’m not sure that science is sound, but as long as you’re happy, I’m fat and happy.”

“If you don’t think the science is sound, maybe you ought to repeat the experiment. Have a cheat day every once in a while,” Max replied, as he curled into a tight ball again and let my stomach relax and get to work over him. “I know I’ve been seeing that cute guy at the gym drooling over your gut, you know, the one who always wears that green hat? I’m sure he’d love to be a part of your next cheat day once you’ve had enough of your salads and diet again.”

I enjoyed the peace of feeling Max getting comfortable deep in my gut. I took deep breaths and felt my diaphragm move Max around slightly as my chest expanded and contracted. “Maybe I’ll ask him. But I’ll leave it up to him whether he wants to take it as far as you did tonight.” I rubbed my belly and stared, mesmerized at the lumpy spots on my belly indicating Max’s body relaxing against my stomach walls. I felt his heartbeat in polyrhythm against mine, with his breathing patterns tickling my stomach walls. I tasted the lasting flavors of his skin on my tongue, mixed with ice cream and other sustenance I had downed throughout the evening. Good thing we worked out first, to balance out this sharp intake in calories. So I suppose even if I had a cheat day from my diet, eating a whole human balances out to be healthy, right?

[stormblessed95]

I just want to say thank you for your posts/reactions to the show. You seem most level headed and respectful towards what they have shown us about their dynamic. The amount of judgement I have seen made by so called Jikookers is terrible, especially towards JK, Apparently, he cannot do anything right towards Jimin, and apparently that means they aren't together, or are in a situationship gone wrong.

I watched the show without going on here or twitter, and to be honest I wish I had stayed off, because it has really dampened my mood since. I know I shouldn't let others influence me; and that's not it, but more that I feel rage about the judgemental comments and attasks on their characters and bond, if that makes sense?

I honestly do not know what people's expectations of the show were going in, but I think mine were met - there was a nice balance of best friends energy, with a peak of something more there. And I expected that, the bro bit, its not like they were going to full on make out or anything, but I feel that is what people were expected, or it was the only thing going to make people happy.

What we got is a peak into their very real 'daily' bond so to speak, and correct me if I am wrong, but this is something we have had hints of (which many people seem to have not grasped) but never put on display like this - in fact for any member/s to have this amount of dedicated screen time? So we see they like to tease, flirt and bicker. In my opinion that is a wonderful dynamic, its interesting, keeps you on your toes, ensures things don't get boring.

I've been married 7 years and am testament to the fact that often my partner and I bicker something chronic, in cars, in supermarkets, at home, you name it. Its normal, but again, people are making it out that JK is mean to Jimin or worse, and I just don't get that. They know which buttons to press, how to tease, how to pull back - that is peak domestic behaviour to me. 

That leads me to my other point, the car talk, I also expected this going in, but whilst I think there were cuts in the scene for sure, and maybe some mistranslations who knows? What I took from it was that they hadn't been able to make 'quality time for the other in a while, but they had for sure seen each other (for example - only weeks prior at D-Day Seoul). In fact to me, it was giving, but you've made no time for me, we only see each other when we wake up and go straight to work vibes - not that I am saying that exactly, more that the quality time seems key - and again, in any relationship you need that, you need that break from work, from the routine and the mundane of daily living/life, and I suspect that was the issue. But we knew this, we knew from how JK acted on lives that he was missing Jimin, and then vice versa later on, during their busy periods. I don't think they held back in showing that, especially JK. They let us be a part of that, showed us, so why is that new information to a lot of people?

I don't, or we don't truly know what they are to one another, people are making assumptions left right and centre at, landing on situationship. Maybe that is the case, who knows. But what I saw, was two people who know each other deeply, and domestically, and imo that does not come from not seeing each other or spending time together at home. For example, Jimin knew exactly how to cut up the onions without JK really saying anything, they have inside jokes that they laugh at but we are left wondering, they give looks to each other too, they are so fond of the other, and can spend a lot of time together (something I think is inherent in romantic relationship, and sometimes not even then, people need their space), Jimin knew JK's favourite spices to use, he only has to ask JK to cook him food and he does and wants to make it right/nice for him, they are so soft with/and care for the other (which makes this more about just sex to me), they banter like nobody's business, JK is so talkative around JM, JK looking like he wants to coo when JM eats his steak sandwich, and so much more. These habits, and rituals, and ways of being aren't born out of situationships, or hook ups, or even just friendship - because let's face it, the members are meant to have lived apart for 4 years + years now, you would forget the nuances of friends, or they would develop new ones over those years - jikook don't give out that vibe, they know the other and know each other well.

To conclude my very long post, I loved the show, and I value it, for they have created it for us to enjoy with them, seeing them feel free (and how often they said that) was truly beautiful to witness. Them walking around Walmart without masks on or being approached much (and when they were it was respectful). Truly lovely.

"To conclude my very long post, I loved the show, and I value it, for they have created it for us to enjoy with them, seeing them feel free (and how often they said that) was truly beautiful to witness."

💜💜💜💜 this. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us! And thank you for your kind words to me as well 💜

[thegongoozlerreacts]

Dead Plate (Part 1)

hello!! its been a while since ive posted but here i am!!! so this game is Dead Plate created by STUDIO INVESTIGRAVE

i had played one of their games before, Elevator Hitch, and i really really enjoyed it! so im very excited for this new game that theyve released

though, this game is probably really different from Elevator Hitch, because that game was a visual novel type of game while this one has restaurant tycoon gameplay

still, im very excited

i hope i can get all the endings today (but probably not) as always, spoilers under the cut!

i know its literally just the title screen BUT it looks very classy

also the music? its a bop like yo BellKalengar is the composer and sound designer and like yo!! amazing job its literally just the title screen and im amazed already LMFAO

alright then lets begin

lolol i like the way they named the buttons for doing the tutorial, skipping the tutorial or just leaving the game on auto progress time to show up at 5 am then

the art is really cute these characters are really cute too esp the protag

i know its just the tutorial but i am very nervous LOL doing service jobs make me nervous (even tho this is only a fictional one)

bro protag why did u skim the interview thing 😭 is that why u've had 28 jobs in 7 years 💀

ooh interesting the cooks have an order in which they cook meals i need to remember that

wow so theres a lot to do huh theres seating the customers, taking their orders, bringing those orders to the kitchen, serving the food, going to the cash register to take their payments, cleaning up the tables AND throwing out the trash its a lot more than i was expecting,,,, lol good luck to me i guess

so like fun fact im actually not that good at playing games LOL esp this kind of game where theres like people and they have like a happy meter kind of thing going on i wonder if any of the endings will be tied to how well we do during the work day ?? probably

also can i just say that the music is really good i like the kinda jazzy (is that the right word??) vibes going on

it makes me less nervous about serving customers since its very chill LOL

WHY IS THIS CUSTOMER HITTING ME WITH A HARD QUESTION

I HAVE NO IDEA IF WE HAVE TO-GO BOXES OR WHATEVR WHAT HUH ?????

there is a right answer and i have no idea what it is im gonna lose my mind please. ok well lets pick an answer

im gonna go 'no' since the restaurant has a strict menu that changes daily right? so maybe they wouldnt do to-go boxes or ordering ahead and stuff (RIGHT???)

oh phew ok i picked the right one

LOL the banter between the protag and the tutorial guy (i dont know his name)

??? what the hell this customer just left right as i got the food bro 😭😭 have some patience damn this aint a fast food place

now i have to throw away this perfectly good meal (sorry cooks)

oh no now the real game is starting uhh aight alright then lets go

ok so that was like only three customers, i did pretty well but the day's not over yet shdajhsdsakhj i feel like a disaster n it was only three customers LMAO

oh it was only 3 customers for day 1 nice (i got jumpscared by the sound effect for the day ending LFMAO)

ooh green onion rolls,,, it looks good damn now i want to eat LOL

BITCH YOU LIVE LIKE THIS?????? damn,,,,

the music for this area is pretty chill tho

THE BATHROOM IS FLOODING??? AGAIN ?!??! BRO ??? THATS DISGUSTING

the window has a horrible view its just another building

oho? she? who???

bro dont leave the dishes for later thats sooo gross

??? HOW DID YOU BURN CEREAL???? WHAT DID YOU EVEN DO ??

i am appalled at the protag's lifestyle i cant even

so he has not finished writing lyrics and love letters for this girl he mentioned earlier the game is not revealing her name and im wondering why hmm its very sus

sorry im laughing so hard??? its mostly empty except for some cans and the fucking green onion rolls im cackling?? they look so out of place in this fridge LMFAO

bro how are you so bad at cooking that you burnt food in the microwave??? what are you doing???

wait. is his bed the couch???? bro i feel so bad for this guy

he biked through the rain,,,,, and he thought doing it fast would dry him,,, in the rain,,,,, im starting to understand why he somehow managed to burn cereal

he doesnt own an umbrella

aww this is cute thanks boss

he LIVES here??? wow damn his apartment is upstairs thats very cool

LOL protag keep ur mouth shut

day 2 here we go

SHIT HELP I TOOK TOO LONG ONE OF THE CUSTOMERS LEFT NOOO im restarting jkdsljlds its a good thing i saved

ahh i did way better this time but the day ended right as i was about to take out the trash LOL

oooh those look tasty too

oops ok so like i started day 3 right

well i was like 'i'll take out the trash before serving any customers' so that i can just easily clean up the tables right

uhh but then suddenly this happened ??? so like protag dropped the bag and cut their finger and the boss is having an odd reaction to the sight of blood methinks

HTHE BOSS JUST SLAPPED HIM ??? WTF

bro he just slapped him then was like 'oh dw someone else will clean it up' hello???? you just slapped ???? me ???

ok then moving on to the rest of the day i guess??

kinda weird looking but it still looks appetizing (the magic of art LOL)

oh shit theres a magazine ?? oops im gonna go back and read through previous ones oh nevermind its just the same one lmao

ohhh so this is where i buy items ok aight

and this catalogue is how our protag knew about the job for a waiter it also has an interview with our boss (Chef Vincent Charbonneau, i finally know his name) about the low number of employees i was wondering why we were the only waiter in the restaurant and i guess thats why

ok i bought the rollerskates cuz i need to be faster for the customers

oh and u can interact w the telephone to call 'her' but she doesnt pick up oof

sorry what is happening right now

what is that weird squelching sound?!?!?

BRO?? WTF WAS THAT ??? so like his body felt itchy, pressed Z to scratch and then suddenly lines were all over his body and then knives came out and i am so very confused

i think that was just a dream but what a weird nightmare

i guess onto day 4 then ?? at least i have my sick new rollerskates now

ooh that looks tasty

man i think im too slow cuz the timer always runs out while one more customer is still around lmfao, oh well

oh shit another nightmare

ohh so i can only equip one item at a time hmmm well since i bought the watch anyways i guess i'll use it

PFFT A CUSTOMER LEFT SORRY LADY,, she was waiting to be seated but i was preoccupied with serving food oopsies

restarting the day then

the nightmare hmm is the protag's name Rody since thats what it says on the label

DAMNIT I TOOK TOO LONG AGAIN

ok im just gonna use the rollerskates this time

AGGHH I KEEP TAKING TOO LONG ON THIS ONE CUSTOMER

restarting again,,,,

should i just let it go? probably but im not going to

IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND IVE RESTARTED SO MANY TIMES

ok well youve not seen it but i have restarted day 5 soo many times and i am hungry so,,, here's where i'll leave it for today

even though i am struggling and getting frustrated, im really enjoying the game so far! i wish i wasnt so terrible at playing it so i could see more of the story LOL

like what is up with the boss? who is this girl that the protag likes so much? what is up with his weird nightmares??? and will i ever be able to finish day 5 ?????

tune in next time LOL byebyeee

[popponn]

popon my loveliest "grandma", here is my submission for ur event—which is as cute as u 😽:

one. my chosen fandom is blue lock, and my favourite is ofc, mikage reo <33

two. yes to au, and i choose high school au !

three. my chosen tropes are childhood friends to lovers and mutual pining

four. my name is saki, and i am a cancer and infj ! i'd like to add emphasis to my mbti bc i am super introverted irl, and i come off as a rly shy individual at first. but once i've gotten comfortable w u, i am rly talkative, and quite loud too ! i'm also super honest, but at the same time, i can filter the things i say in order to "people please". i'm also pretty sensitive when it comes to the things others say—for example, if someone accidentally insults me, i do think ab it for the rest of the day and do feel pretty hurt. i'm also an overthinker, and i tend to overanalyse certain situations. i think i am pretty caring, since i act like the "therapist" and "mother" of my friendship group, and i'm a realist.

i like and love hanging out w my friends, and i also love shopping (for my own things lol). i also like dressing up for special events (like a fancy dinner party or smth), and i like reading/writing. drawing and painting is also a fun activity for me, but i don't do it as much anymore bc i don't have the time to do so 😞 other things i like are letters written to me by my friends, cute stationery (motivates me to study hehe), pretty hair accessories, rice (i am a true asian), dark chocolate and iced lattes <3

things i don't like include onions (MAJOR EW), some fish, narcissists, selfish people, pick-me people🧍🏻‍♀️, wet humid weather, school-assigned texts (legit hating the one i have to read rn), insects, cramped spaces, people who like to show off (like bro actually stfu 💀)

i don't rly have favourite movies so i'll list my favourite k-dramas and anime hehe: 18 again, twenty-five twenty-one, twinkling watermelon, shooting stars, fruits basket, kimi ni todoke, attack on titan (☹️) and your lie in april <33

my love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch !! i tend to be v affectionate w those i'm close to, and i would wanna receive love in the same ways plus acts of service hehe

five. yes yes !! any language is fine, as long as if u can also incorporate some english songs too 🤍

six. GIRL THIS IS LWKY A HARD CHOICE but i choose fluff <3 unless u can do a combo of both but if not i choose full fluff (thanks !!)

optional question. i love reo's looks. literally i love his hair and ik u don't like it 😭 BUT I LOVE IT and i also love how reo is so charismatic and affectionate hehe <3 he's also so ambitious and hard-working and that is smth that i admire,, AND HE'S SMART ?!?!! smart men are so hot omfg !!!! his wealth is a good bonus but idrc ab these things <3 😸

i hope that's everything u need popon <33 lmk if i need to add more details !! I LOVE U SO SO MUCH and good luck w the event 🫂 MWAH MWAH thank u saur saur much 😽😽

a tune, an image, and a story of... ⋆｡˚

“so?” seeing his friend raising an eyebrow in challenge, or in question, reo uncharacteristically rubs the back of his neck. this topic has always been an odd one for him—it’s one that brings everything into a halt and makes it feel heavy to breathe, yet perhaps because it has to do with you, reo could never think of it as unpleasant. “you know i can’t just…” reo glances towards your direction, talking happily with your friends on the other side of the classroom, “…you know. it’s kind of complicated.” chigiri makes a face that would get him the role of a disappointed mother in a tv drama. “it’s not. you do realize the two of you got more matching things than my sister and her boyfriend, right? and those two are shameless. what the hell are you afraid of?” reo honestly could give chigiri a list there and then. but, with a part of his brain focusing solely on your smile, he merely leans against the window frame and sighs, “…yeah. i wonder.” it’s so simple that it has become the furthest thing from one—reo, unreasonably and consciously, tries to reason.

you peer toward reo discreetly. sitting across him just like this for the nth time, even after so so many years, you still find your heart skipping a beat and three each time you see him. it’s not hard to like reo. he has good looks, smart, talented, friendly, bright, and is still very much a hard worker despite his family upbringing. it truly makes so much sense why he is so well-liked and popular. you could give your own testament to that, after all.  from the very first day when he offered his hand and name to you, you have known that reo has a brilliance that only few could rival–and even then you would confidently say that no one could ever truly outshine reo in your eyes. you have shared many years with him, growing up with him almost like a confidant to a prince. you have seen many parts of reo and–at moments where he laughs victoriously and at moments where frustration gnaws at him–to every single piece of those, your eyes could only gaze at them fondly. and you are more than aware that being so close to reo, being able to see all of those, is not a privilege given to anyone. it’s because you stand behind the line called ‘a childhood friend’, never stepping on them even out of your selfish feelings, that you could have that privilege. and if, by any means, you could stay beside reo for a long, long time, by keeping those feelings silenced then– “hey,” a pen taps your book lightly, reo’s voice following along with a question, “did you find a question you’re stuck on?”

“i know you don't want to see me,” reo says to the phone—to you, still panting heavily as he leans against your door, “but at least—please listen to me.” you sit quietly on the other side of the door. your eyes still sting and you know you still don’t really want to see his face. you know you should just hang up. “okay, so,” reo begins, pausing for a moment, taking a deep breath. loudly and confidently he says, “i like you too.” you blink at that. not knowing how to react as your eyes widened. “what—” “i know you probably think i am a pathetic piece of turd right now but at least, i want to say this before everything else,” he continues on, fully relying on his heart and his teammates’ advice—going against every principle of calm businessman hammered into his brain. “i like it whenever we do something together, since long ago. i like it when we talk, i like listening to you, i like being listened to by you, i like it when we walk to school together—actually, can we keep all those even after this? i might actually go bald if we don’t. you still like my hair right—” “reo—” “i…” as if just realizing that he can no longer turn back, reo takes in a deep and sharp breath. after a loud embarrassed gulp, he repeats “…i like you. really like you. as a lover. please go out with me.” for someone who has been on the receiving end of many confessions, reo feels like a newborn baby fish. after all these years, it surely takes a lot of guts and courage—also a fucking stupid fight with you that he should immediately apologize for after this—just for him to spit all those words.

notes: @yoisami sakiii!! i hope u like this. i tried to potray it in a familiar, soft way that is kind of shoujo esque, i hope i succeeded. also purple and yellow because it's the color of the dawn, and hey reo's hair is purple which contrasts nicely with yellow haha .if it's just a bit entertaining for you it will be more than enough! :> i hope the angst is enough darling even tho it's only implied lolol thank you so much for joining my lil event babe, also happy new year! i wish u many many happiness ahead ₊˚⊹♡

[sandwicz]

Twisted Wonderland as quotes me and my friends said

Kalim: "love that's easily broken is not worth it"

Azul: "but a bond of money is always worth it"

Kalim: "oh no I broke my ankles"

Jamil: "... what else will you break Kalim"

Idia: "if I die before any of you, bring my picture and draw tears, thanks"

Lilia: "peking duck should be served with blueberry"

Rook: "i remember watching you sleep"

Jack: "I got jumpscared by the pink flamingos"

Kalim: "i saw a cockroach riding a stick"

Floyd: "i saw a fish"

Trey: "look at croutons"

Ace: "i have never seen an uglier word for a food"

Trey: "it's french so"

Ace: "romance language they say. i'd rather break up than hear french"

Riddle: "real big assumption that you'd get a partner

Ace: " I will."

Ace: "you said that I look like that guy in the elevator. and he has a gf"

Ace: "and so will i"

Riddle: "appearance can be deceiving..."

Yuu: "it's about the personality, riddle"

Yuu: "actually nvm ace's personality is as dry as a tortilla"

Riddle: "and I agree"

Riddle: "thanks yuu"

Jamil: "yes except its cooked and flat"

Leona: "just like all of idia's waifus"

Kalim: "also I counted"

Kalim: "with extreme estimation"

Kalim: "the bottom is 6 onions long"

Jamil: "..."

Yuu: "MY CAT IS CARRYING A COCKROACH"

Ace: "i just passed by a man that had a bald head shinier than Crowley's"

Rook: "oh... what a tragic love story between a tan spray and a lamp..."

Epel: "i have a small beard im manly B)"

5th grader Deuce: "plastic is organic because it can be recycled later on"

Crowley: "Are you ok? Are you all fine?

Yuu: "No."

Crowley: "no? Ok." *carries on with convo as if nothing happened

Ace: "bro why are all of idia's expressions either dead or one minute away from bawling or derpy"

Epel: "Ace, you went from rizz to no rizz"

Deuce: "it's unintentional..."

Ace: "Shhh juice let me get Yuu to kill you its getting good"

Ace: "bro why are all of idia's expressions either dead or one minute away from bawling or derpy"

Epel: "holy crap who cares about diet anymore i need flavour"

Epel: "Bro honestly after seeing so much buff people I wanna try to get buff 💀"

Ace: "Bro ur built like noodles but gl"

Epel: "Screw you. Noodles good lah. Yummy yk"

Ace: "the first victim of cannibalism when we're stranded in a island"

Yuu: "Nah the tallest will be the first victim. Cough cough wonder who"

Ace: "Jack. Jack, we be eating you.

Ace: " be grateful."

Jack: "???????"

Floyd: "if you're too bored doing an assignment, ya don't do it"

Ace: "btw why are the beanfest day teams so bad"

Yuu: "they forgot me twice"

Leona: "I don't like French people..."

Ace: "yesterday i fell asleep on history and Juice here thought i was meditating"

Vil: "don't we have to use heels for our graduation???"

Epel: *quietly* "i hope you fall down the stairs"

[carmenized-onions]

these are my thoughts

-the amish story?? we're starting with the amish story???? so you want me to bawl my fuckin eyes out, is that? i hate you onion.

-its been 0ERR minutes. damn right. feel the burn carmen berzatto, feel it!!!

-i actually had to switch tabs and play the countries of the world quiz cuz ohhhh my god carmy talking to chef david is never an easy pill to swallow

-mikey called me? i have been officially adopted into the family? im all warm inside. but as a middle child, i am offended. deeply. we also care for people and have to like keep the peace! also ouch, id feel so guilty as a baby getting the big bro attention when the big bro's actually baby is being left on read.

-oh shit oh shit we're back ahhhhhhhh please chef david/carmy needs multiple warnings. also so real so real so real receiving praise from someone who always criticized you is not as sweet as you thought it would be. actually somewhat repulsive.

-i mean,,,, great introspection there carm, but maybe like 0ERR minutes too late buddy

-"The only fuckin’ good thing in my life" ....okay maybe i change my vote and i support tony folding. im folding.

-“Hey asshole—” Richie stops, when he sees David. “Ah. You’re needed, Chef Carmen.” dont back down richie dont back down call him out in front of the stupid exec he put over everyone else. also did you notice in season three no one said 'cousin' once? not onceeeeee. carm deserved it, but damn did it hurt. please heal me onion

-“Want your coffee?” He corrects, like stroking your ego will make you fold. It does. ehehehehehe yeah yeah ill do itt

-fuck me this is dark.

-“Cousin get my fucking bag, now!” she called him cousin.

-ummmm can this be an x richie jerimovich now actually?

-carmen is definitely the joke. i know im tony, but id be on my hands knees for her too.

-onion. “And no one wants you to acknowledge that you’re the guy— Like you can take the compliment, but you can never say ‘I know, I’m doing it on purpose.’” how have you managed to capture the human experience of being the dependable people pleaser into words and such good words????? i could only wish to be as good at writing as you are. profession well chosen.

-'You laugh, and it quickly turns into a groan as you try to come up with something. “I uh… Oh! I fuckin’ hate the nickname ‘Jack’, that’s something.” “Oh?” He leans forward, teasingly intrigued— You’ve thrown him a bone, because you’re the guy, too. He’s able to focus on this in lieu of himself.' ahahahah i knew this was coming, if she liked jack it would've stayed jack but noooo its chip! i been waiting for this one, turn it up! also yes so 'the guy' of her, turning the convo to you only to help out the other guy cuz the guy never wants to be the center of attention unless its actively helping someone out ugh i love you onion

-i think im gonna try to minimize the comments, its like ive got one after every sentence, jeez cool it dude.

-sydmikey crossover kind of , wow. its hitting me. i wonder what they wouldve been like together.

-'and neither of you know this is a lie, yet.' actually fuck you onion.

-shit forgot the richie carmy fight was happening right out the window???????????????????????????

-lol. bear in the freezer 1.0

-you're making me miss mikey even tho im reading mikey but damn i miss my bestie and he should be enjoying the bear with us rn (even tho the bear is shit rn 0ERR but like if it wasnt)

-“If that’s what getting a star takes, I don’t want it.” oh fuck. us squidink truthers out here winning.

-'Richie’s a good dad. You will never find a good time to tell him this.' i know what you're referencing and i despise you for it. tony will tell him.

-'“Yeah, well you need to read Mark Wolynn’s ‘It Didn’t Start With You.’” Richie’s got lists of books now, instead of zingers. They somehow hit harder.' they hit very hard my man, very hard. #teamfuckeveryonebutrichie

read the rest so quick that i felt like i lived it. i hate you. you write so well. my best friend died dude ,you gave me a best friend who knew me and saw me and you killed him???

those are my thoughts. ive been reading this on an off since 10am, it is now almost 5pm. i was meant to be studying. truly the best form of procrastination is reading your work. i hope my review, tho lacking, it welcomed.

-jude the dude <3

So fun fact before we get into this, I am currently at my parents house packing all of my shit because I move into my apartment next thursday!! Thank y’all for being patient w/ me. I would fucking love to get the next chapter out tommorow (and answer all my asks) but we’ll see. I really need to prioritize packing but I,,,,, don’t want to. 

So now as my form of break I’m answering asks between boxes LMAO. SO ANYWAYS LETS FUCKING YAP FOR A WHILE!!~

(also please continue to send in essays, I've got quite the backlog if you're worried I didn't get it!! I probably maybe did!! Just busy fucking couple weeks)

I was so excited to do “what are you amish” as an opener, the doc was literally named ‘amish’ in google docs. I knew it was gonna shoot everyone dead on impact. Speaking of doc names, you ever wonder what the docs of these chapters are named?

(mushy potato is still chapter 13 I just had edited it a lot and made a new guy) I’m a little unhinged. 

Anyways FEEL THAT BURN CARMY BABY!! This was such a distressing chapter. I think it only adds to the stress to have those really sweet (mostly) moments with Mikey and then go into actually on the fucking brink with Carmen. 

I APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY MIDDLE SIBLINGS!! I think we babies and middle kids should team up tbh to beat Older Sibling’s ass. Middle/Babies are 100% also taking weight on our shoulders and I feel like this is never appreciated, so I wanted to have Tony be a baby, cause it goes against that type of a Baby Sib never being the dependable one. 

I love my middle brother dearly though. I think I see trio siblings fall into the categories of

Oldest - On a hierarchy level, emotionally responsible for everyone. 

Middle - Often financially/emotionally responsible, keeps family connected.

Baby - On a personal level responsible for emotions! One-on-One dynamics, yknow?

At least, that’s where my family and coincidentally the Berzattos seem to fall. I have to stop yapping about this let’s MOVE ONNN

SOOO REAL to get praise and not feel good. It’s so wild. It’s such a wild experience to get the praise you always wanted from someone and then realize immediately oh what the fuck i don’t give a fuck what you think and quite frankly i should’ve never been trying to impress you?? It’s such a weird human experience. Can a psychology major explain this to me. 

0ERR MINUTES TOO LATE LMAOOOO— But yeah, from what I noticed, some seemed to fold after seeing how fucked the rest of Carmen’s Friday went. I feel like it also completely changes the feeling of Something to Do. Should I do a poll again? Actually no I wanna do a different poll hold on…

RICHIE! NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT? NEVER GIVE UP!!! I did notice the lack of cousin in S3, which completely made sense and hurt deeply, however I live in a world where I wanted everyone to at least a little bit understand each other. 

-ummmm can this be an x richie jerimovich now actually?

This is the poll I wanna do. Because I’ve seen a lot of RiChip or SquidInk truthers coming to the light. What the fuck would Mikey’s ship name be actually? Mikchip? McRib. What? 

You had me blusshinn with quoting the guy scene!! Thank you for saying so. I was fucking tweaking like ‘is anyone going to understand what the fuck i mean when i’m saying this or do i just need to go to therapy’. Turns out we all do. So. That’s good. THANK YOU!! I 

WAITTIN FOR THIS ONE!! CHIP ORIGINS!! I was considering having the Chip origin be another scene that would essentially be ‘off screen’ but it just felt so apt to do here. I actually had an entire other conversation planned for Mikey/Chip to have here but it just didn’t suit them. I’m so glad I went with this. And aufgh, my heart… It was always so fucking sad for me while writing this and switching back and forth between scenes and being like “GOD I DON’T WANNA GO BACK TO CARMEN/MIKEY ERA” they were both very difficult to write for different reasons. But going back to Carmen was always tough cause it was like oh yeah. Mikey’s dead by this one. And he’s not suddenly gonna come out and give someone a painful back massage. This SUCKS!!

I cooked with neither of you know this is a lie, yet. Everyone knows I caramelized the shit out of that one. 

More people need to fight in front of the restaurant. I want those bitches on STAGE. It’s so much more fun when it’s public and weird. 

Now are we a squidink truther or richip gang affiliate we have to choose one jude or are we doing a polycule because i dont know if that’s possible

LISTEN BE HONEST WHEN IS THERE A NORMAL TIME TO GO UP TO YOUR FRIEND AND BE LIKE “hey i think you’re a great father” WHAT? WHAT? I’D start fucking tweaking (crying in public), personally.

All the book reccs were brought to you by my family doctor prescribing them to me. I literally have them on a sticky note next to me. Shout out Dr V! Love you baby!! #teamfuckeveryonebutrichieanddrV

The last scene was very much so my full deep dive into time distorted grief poetry, which I fucking loved doing so thank you to everyone who enjoyed it (you!!). Bro, getting to the end was so hard because I also fell in love with best friend Mikey writing it and I was like man,,,, does he have to die though,,, can we like,,, make him into a marvel superhero or something and pivot genres?? I hate this,,, So listen Mr Storer killed him I just poured a fuck ton of salt in the wound. 

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEW, ALWAYS FEEL FREE TO SEND IN MORE THOUGHTS I LOVE TO GET THEM IT’S NEVER LACKING!!! Back to packing I go. I think I’ll tackle the desk next? Wish me luck brothers.

[alfiely-art]

FINISHED ACT 3!!! Technically finished last night but I'm scheduling this for the morning

Act 1 reaction here

Act 2 reaction here

Notes I wrote while reading:

“I hope your father keeps you well fed” OH THATS WHY THERE WAS ALL THOSE BAKED GOODS OHHHH

Anyway. How thr fuck did Nanna know this. Did she hoo hoo in life as she does in death

OMG JADE

Is that an onion on ur shirt farmstink

Squeal like a piglet and fertilize some plants

OMG SHE DID IT I LOVE U JADE

Huh. Her room is. Just her friends interests. And their parents interests. Other than the furry I know that's all her. I know

Guns!!! Yayaya!!!!!! Doesn't Jake like guns too

Oh girl. Yoare so otherkin

She's really otherkin my goodness

PROBLEM SL- oh. Sooth

HEY THAT CUE BALL IS PART OF DOC SCRATCH AINT IT. THATS THE THING. THE TH HAL EQUIUS GAMZEE CALIBORN STUFF.

I do wonder what the magic 8 ball is for. If Jade has a bad feeling about it

Slur count: 4

Huh. Okay she has like… VR??

Slur count: 5 but I think Dave can reclaim this one

DAVE FURSONA YOOOO

What are you talking about tho

Omg they're fucking killing the felts…

Dave oh my god you're losing so bad. But yay bro!!! Yay cal!!! I'm so sorry Dave

john you're getting your ass whooped

Oh hello… Is ur name Sentry. Are you buddies with Vagabond

Oh. He's got mummies in his house

What is that thing

Who thr fuck is this. Who is CG

I'm assuming a troll ??? But whomst…

Slur count: 6

THE CAT

oooo what're you up to sentry…

IM GONNA PISS MYSELF I FELT SO BAD FOR DAVE AND THEN THE. I WARNED YOU BRO!!!!

HOLY SHIT JOHN IS GOING CRAZY

Aww yay he's having fun I think

Woah that place sure is purple!!!!

FUCK YEAH GET THEM DAD

???? Who is this clown watching them

Oh your name Isn't sentry. Hi peregrine medication!!!

Autocorrect that's not their name

PM I love you. I love mail

Yo wait PM you know Jade??? What

WHAT THE

IT EXPLODED

Omg rose horse… I know there's a animation of her with the horses. Like the arquiussprite one.

The fuck is in the teapot

AWWWWWWW THATS SO CUTE

Is that a picture of Jade in godtier. They Know….

HELP she napping

Oh. he's dead. Girl…

PM IS ALIVE!!!!!

Awwww baby rose….

Meow

Da fuck

Dad is… boring…? Lies

Jack's fourth wall : ( it was stolen…

IS THIS BETTY CROCKER!!!!

Put the hat on Jack. Put it on

Womp womp

FRUIT GUSHERS YAAAAAA

Awwww he looks so cute in the suit

THE HEINOUS BATTERWITCH

Boy you're so extra

BAHAHAHAH HE JIST WANTED TO DETCH THE BULLET… WHY ARE YOU DANCING W YOUR DEAD GUY…

Oop she napping

OH MY GOD SOMEONE GET ROSE OUT OF THERE

ROBOT?!?!?!?!

Dreambot…

So wait did she already Godtier…

Her room is lesbjan colors I think

Slur count: 7

Twelve… there's twelve Trolls I'm pretty sure

Gamzee Equius Nepeta Karkat Vriska Aradia. Uhh. Tavros. Eridan. Sollux. Uhh… the fish girl… uhhh….

Hi Vodka Mutini

How does John feel about Dave's bro kicking his ass btw. Very casual way of saying it

Oh John : (

VAGABOND IS BACK FUCK YEAH

Gasp… the blue box…

REALSTIC GUN!!! Hi renagade… like the dance

So John's the guy who likes clowns… not his dad…

His dad is so sweet though. he just wants to take care of his son. What has john repressed

OH PROSPIT IVE HEARD THAT!!!

This place sure is yellow

Omg WV has company :3

WV AND PM SHALL MEET!!!!

Take the shot /ref

JOHN!!!! He is also yellow !!!!

Ohhhh he's looking swaggy… Teal is a good color for him

Slur count: 8

WRINKLEFUCKER

NOOOOO DAVE… LIL CAL… THE KATANA… POOR BABY….

Giving him a forehead smooch

OH MY GODD THE JADE SILHOUETTE…

I like this like. “Fuck you timeline let's jump around” type of way thr story is being

Poor Cal….

GA… who are you

“Spread your wings” LIKE WHEN HE BECOMES A BIRD

Hi Dave I love you. I have no idea who you flirted with but you did such a good job you're such a good troll

YAYAY RENAGADE

Yo that box has Jade's dead relative on there…

PM is a girl?? the more u know

BAHAH AR'S A JUDGE… they're making a whole town… mayor, mail carrier, and judge…

INCONCEIVABLE

Butterfly : D

BABY JADE!!!

WHOP

HEY WAIT JACK DONT KILL HIM!!! I LOVE JOHN'S DAD!!!!

Oh my god I love them

That was a cool animation!!!! I have no idea what was going on. But hey I know that song…. Sburbian Jungle…

That sure is a fucked up planet WHAT HOW IS THAT THE END OF ACT 3

Okay so. Does this mean I'm. Halfway done with homestuck. This feels so short. Are the other acts longer

[jessysapphireblue]

One Piece Advent Calender Door 12

CHRISTMAS COOKIES

Door 12 : Christmas without cookies? NEVER!

You hummed a Christmas melody while displaying the fresh cookies, decorations and frostings at the ready. Smiling happily, you made everything ready to decorate and of course not to dirty the kitchen itself. “Sanji-kun~ we´re back”, Nami and Robin came through the door. “Sanji is bathing. Welcome back. Coffee tea, hot chocolate?”, you smiled. “Coffee”, both smiled. “You were quite busy” “Yes. Now I´m going to decorate the cookies” “Ah~ cute! May i Join?”, Nami beamed at you. “Yes! Oh, I´d love to. Here, your coffee” “Thank you”, both girls sat down and toon cookies. “Must they be Christmas themed?” “No. Heavens. Draw what you like on them”, you give each one a plate where they could put the decorative treats.

And so you began to draw and sprinkle. “This is quite fun”, hummed Robin. “Robin? What should that be?” “Why, Soma”, Robin smiled brightly at Nami, who sweatdropped. “Aww, when you present it to him, he will love you so much more” She chuckled and continued. “Je, what are you d-Why are yours so good?!” “Hm~ Nami, you know my baking” “Yes, the sunny looks incredible but this, wow” “I find it amazing that you can´t draw but this, you can” “If I knew why I would use it for drawing”, you admitted.

Both were done and you took their plates to the side. “Thanks, Je” “I must thank you two, they look amazing!” Nami hummed with an >are you serious< face. “Why, I mean it” Smiling softly, the door opened and Sanji came in with Brook. “WHOA! MELLORINE!!!!” “We see us Je”, smiled Robin and both walked away. “Yohohohoho~ Goddess-san, what are you doing?” “Decorating Christmas cookies” “Why this sounds nice. May I join?” “Yes! Nami and Robin also joined so I´d be happy if you also make some” “Ah, my beloved! May I-” “I would beg you to join”, you admitted and Sanji explodes with a big heart above him. “Be-Be-Begging~”, he made his perverted face, imagine you begging.

While the three of you decorated, Zoro came in. “What are you doing?” “Decorating Christmas cookies. Join us, Zoro-san” “No. I don´t like sweets”, he yawned. “Oh, and I made some decorations especially with alcohol for you”, you looked away and he slowly turned his head to you. “Why, it´s true”, you admitted. “As if” “Mosshead! As if our Goddess jokes about that!” “Be quiet you onion-cutter! I didn´t ask for any of you stuff” “Now now, don´t fight. Leave him Sanji. Perhaps Zoro can´t draw so he doesn´t want to”, you admitted. “Can´t draw?! I can make better stupid cookies! Give me that shit” You smirked while Brook laughed.

“So, what should that be?” “An Oni Giri” ”...A what? Where should that-”, Sanji was shocked. “Oh yeah. This is the shape and here the swaweed” “Ha! She knows it” “Zoro, only idiots can reconize other idiots drawings” The boy laughed while Zoro flushed red before storming out. “Why did Zoro just cursed and went out?” “Because the idiot swordbrain can´t decorate cookies~”, sang Sanji at Franky and Jinbe. “Yohohohoho, thank you, Goddess-san. It was wonderful” “No! Thank you all for making such pretty cookies. It warms me to see so many decorated kinds” “WHAAAA! Little SiS!”, Franky picked you up and sniffled. “There, There Franky. Would you like to join?” SUPER YES! I make the best ones” You chuckled.

Jinbe also joined in with decorating. “Sorry, it seems that I´m not good as others” “Jinbe that is fine. Nobody is perfect. You can do other stuff better than this” “HAHAHAHAHA! Thank you” “Super! my little sis is the best one!” “As are you, Robo-bro hentai~” “Oi oi~ don´t fluster me”, Franky blushed as Jinbe and you laughed heartful.

With Franky and Jinbe gone, it was quiet again before Chopper and Usopp came in. “Christmas cookies! Christmas cookies!”, Chopper directly sat down next to you. “Robin told us you needed some help decorating”, smirked Usopp. “If you want to, that is” “Yes! That´s why we came! Let us help you” “Of course. And you, master painter, present us thy work of craftiness” Usopp smirked. “Oh, that I will. Your eyes will be blessed” “Looking forward to it...wait, wasn´t Luffy with you?” “He and Soma went on their own. Don´t know where they are”, admitted Usopp.

“DONE!”, Cheered Chopper and eagerly showed you the drawings of cherry blossoms and a hat. “Dr. Hirluk hat?” “Yes!” You tapped the reindeers nose. “Looks amazing, Chopper” He laughed. “And now, low and behold! my beautiful work!”, Usopp presented his cookies. “They look amazing Usopp” “Haha! Top that!”,he laughed at you, making you smile.

Alone yet again, the door opened again. “Ah! JE!”, Luffy bounced to you, still covered in snow and pressed his cheek against yours. “Hello, boys. And? How was your adventure?” You asked while Soma nuzzled into your arms. “We got lost!”, he beamed. “Bub...that isn´t something to be proud off” “Right! why did Usopp looked so down?” “Ah, I beat him in decorating Christmas cookies” Luffy looked at the full table. “WOW!” “Yes. Everyone made a few beside you...and you”, you scratched the chin of your dragon. “YOSH! As captain I also make a few” Shrugging his winter jacket off, he sat next to you, looking at your fingers. You smiled how Soma helped your boyfriend bringing stuff over.

It was a mess. Icing and sprinkes all over Luffys face, a bright grin on his face. His cookies were the messiest of all, declaring he was done. “See! This is you and me!” He held a cookie to you and you smiled, kissing his cheek. “Looks wonderful” “I did my very best!” “I saw” “here, this one is for you”, you handed him one of yours. “WOW! Je you´re incredible! How cool! Soma look” “I´m also done. Want to help me clean up?” “Yeah...can I eat it?” “If you want. These are cookies” “And good cookies! mmmh~”

“Are you two done here?”, Sanji came soon inside. “Yup. Everything cleaned and stored away. Thank you for letting me use it” “Ah, my goddess, always~” “When is dinner ready Sanji?” “2 hours”, his voice went icy to your boyfriend. “Wha?! So long?” “Yes”, he simply said and you whispered something in his ear. “YES! I go on ahead!”

Using his devil fruit, he grabbed something. “Oh!”, he blinked before giving you a short kiss. “I´m back!” You bursted out into laughter. “Welcome home” And with that, he was gone, Sanji being yet again, deeply depressed.

[hepbaestus]

Thoughts on Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022) SPOILERS AHEAD

I just got back from a 7+ hour trip back to my uni accommodation and the amount of Glass Onion tiktoks that I've been getting are astounding. So I'm going to watch it.

All I know about this film is that Benoit Blanc is very gay and is in a relationship with Phillip (Hugh Grant's character). (Is that canon?)

This was filmed during Covid? Nice.

That's the actress for Agatha Harkness in Wandavision!

Oooo she's a governor.

He FAXES??? Jesus Christ, that is old.

Child = NFT??? that's quite hilarious.

Breaking Covid rules? As expected.

I already love Peg.

DAVE BATISTA??? HELLO?

this is the best character introduction to a character.

Dukey? What a cute nickname from his mum.

The breastification of America? What a sentence. (That was also difficult to spell)

Hell yeah, his mum's a badass.

Oooo fancy.

This box is fancy schmancy.

I like their interactions, they seem really human.

I want to meet this Miles Bron. He seems like a fun dude.

"My beautiful disruptors." I love that.

Oh. Of course Miles is dead. Bruh.

Oh no. One of their friends is alone.

I mean, that's one way of opening it that's for sure.

Really? Among us?

Benoit Blanc has a bath fez? That's brilliant.

The old hags playing Among Us is quite funny.

QUIPLASH? AS IN QUIPLASH FROM JACKBOX? hell yeah

Haven't left the bath for a week???

That was Cain's Jawbone on the floor with it's pages missing. Did this fucking man figure out the true way it's supposed to be read?

I love the rubber duckie on the edge of the bath.

No one straight wears a bandana around their neck like that. Or at least none that I know.

The different modes of travel suits each character. Of course she's not wearing a mask.

I don't know if I like the accent.

The reactions to this spray shot thing? Especially Benoit's, you can tell that he's had experience with things in the back of his throat unlike the others.

Oooooo a slap band.

Oh she left Alpha?

Oooo the sad lady again. She's clearly pitted to be the odd one out, probably going to end up being the main suspect or something similar.

The reference to Social Network oml.

AYO?? GLASS SCULPTURES FROM THE SEA

Also the name of the island; Pisceshite. Clearly meaning "piece of shit". I love this film so much already.

The running across the pier reminds me of Mamma Mia

The necklace? Sure dude.

The tension between Miles and Andi? Oof.

Miles looks like he's just in pajamas.

I love Derol. He's just there.

It is just a rich-asshole house.

Oh the slap band is a biorhythm monitor.

Andi's haircut is really cool.

That is very trippy.

I love that the detective has so many questions and stuff about the island.

"Simple children's puzzles."

I'm curious as to what chakra the others got assigned.

Benoit's outfit. Bro that's a homsexual.

Not Jared Leto of all people.

I love this awkward wading in the water.

Benoit's uncomfortableness when Birdie sits way too close to him. Like can y'all not see that he's a homsexual? Look at the outfit for crying out loud.

Dukes is on Twitch? Nice.

So what I'm gathering from this speech is that I would hate all of them if they were real life people.

Evidently, Andi has some seeming common sense of humility.

Of course Duke also got banned on Twitch.

Peg's is just trying to keep her job.

Of course, hiding behind a statue with it's butt just freely showing.

Oh shit.

The superman tattoo on the finger. Nice.

Is that a Ronald McDonald painting series??

The classic red cup

Andi's outfit. I love it.

HE HAS THE MONA LISA IN HIS HOUSE.

The Louvre closed?

Derol's back! My boy!

There's always one that doesn't know the answer. He like me fr.

Claire doesn't like Klear.

Oh shit, Lionel really doesn't like this.

HE JUST HAS THE FRONT OF A GREEK TEMPLE BEHIND HIS DINING TABLE?

IRL Cluedo time

Already starting the game.

Has he already completed it. Jesus Christ, this man is good.

I wonder why people don't tell you the truth anymore .

Of course Take Me Home, Country Roads is playing.

The cool turkey bone brooch thing that Lionel's wearing on his suit. The bone you pull and whoever gets the longer piece is lucky/gets a wish. (That was the worst explanation of it that I've ever seen)

The Mona Lisa's protection thing is going quicker, Miles or someone's about to die. This is where shit goes down.

I knew it

Rip Duke.

Is he choking? Nah shit.

Of course they're trying to cover their own asses.

Now they're going to be moving everything and ruining the scene.

Rip Andi.

That happens at 10 o'clock.

That close-up shot of the Mona Lisa is irking me.

Hugh Grant!!! Man's is just baking for his boyfriend.

Trauma dumping to a random stranger? Like every twitch chat I see.

Why is Andi's body on the gurney and then why is she alive for the party?

A journal since she was six? The dedication of this woman.

Oh wait, sad lady is Andi's twin.

Fuck. No.

Shit so that means both Brand twins are dead.

The good ol' Ted Talks.

I love that Lionel was a substitute teacher before all this shit.

They all betrayed her.

Whiskey has no thought to what she's saying.

She puts on a front.

I love that she's just downing the 9% alcohol.

Serena Williams???

Peg. Poor Peg. Birdie doesn't give a shit about her.

Derol! Turns out he has it.

Ayo what?

Jeremy Renner??

I am confusion.

Oh wait, she's not dead

It's really cool that we're also left out of the story.

That's so cool oh my god!

That son of a bitch.

Fuck bro. No.

Something is going to get thrown at the Mona Lisa and there'll be a camera in it.

That's a cool shot.

Oh shit the hydrogen gas thingy that this entire building runs on!

What a nice fire show!

The car!

I love slow shots where everything is going to shit. It's surprisingly beautiful.

Finally they're on Andi's side.

I like the lil portraits during the credits, very Cluedo style

Overall score: 9.7/10 this is such a good film

Recommendations welcome!

[deadrabbitohno]

ok, so i can't stop thinking about knives out and glass onion, like i watched them both over the holidays (glass onion first, then knives out) when i was ill and feverish and then i had a series of very bizarre dreams that feel somehow connected to them and i obviously loved benoit's entire wardrobe in glass onion and i'm just sitting here doing my silly little tasks on tumblr, and thoughts of the characters and little moments and then like, the layout of the island and the house in the first one keep...bumping gently against the edges of my brain.

and it's suddenly occured to me that i might be getting a small taster of what hyperfixation might feel like? Like, the films were nice enough, i enjoyed them to an extent, in the way you might enjoy some frivolous star-studded entertainment while in bed with illness, but i wouldn't say they're even very high up on my appreciation scale, and i just. can't quite stop thinking about them and the worlds they create and the characters in them and the actors who play the characters and the neck kerchiefs benoit wears and the mask thing where everyone has a different one and how i missed the first film during the pandemic and how you'd navigate the house from the kitchen to, say, the second floor, and how there are parallels but they're also quite different and how edward norton's character is a bit a lot like how we the general public perceives elon musk and other tech bros and how i wonder whether edward norton has ever met elon musk and how would hugh grant be as a nice gay husband who bakes, would he be a bit snarky in the mornings? and it's just. kind of a lot.

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (27 Nov-3 Dec 2022)

↑ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ʷᵃˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᵐᵒᵒᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵉᵉᵏ

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

😍De Oppresso Liber (One-EyedBossman (desert000rose), SecretFandomStoriesr) - Differently OK Local Idiots #7; love this series, love these characters, making me into some kink that's not usually my thing at all -

😍Peter Cabot Gets Lost (The Cabots #2) (Cat Sebastian, author; Joel Leslie, narrator) - reading Daniel Cabot just really made me wanna revisit Peter and Caleb!

😍Petrichor (aleatory_fox) - wonderful domestic geralt/jaskier/eskel; technically omegaverse but those elements are very light & nontraditional & not really the focus at all

🥰down for you always (dreamtiwasanarchitect, liadan14) - the new me (is really still the real me) #1 - bro!Joe is the newest immortal but he & Nicky are still made for each other - very hot!

😍Preventative Maintenance Checks and Services (One-EyedBossman (desert000rose), SecretFandomStories) - Differently OK Local Idiots #8 - just really love them!

🥰How Y'all Doing?: Misadventures and Mischief from a Life Well Lived (Leslie Jordan, author & narrator) - just LJ telling stories, like he did so well. a little bittersweet with his death so recent

💖💖 +143K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

Cut and Changed and Rearranged (AidaRonan) - Stranger Things: Steddie, 10.8K - someone did art on twitter, and so i had to reread, because who doesn't love 'confession of feelings via mixtape'?!

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Travel Man - s2, e3 (Noel Fielding, Copenhagen)

Leverage: Redemption - s2, e5

Avenue 5 - s1, e1-2

Mystery Menu with Sohla & Ham: Peanut Butter

Mystery Menu with Sohla & Ham: Hot Dogs

Mystery Menu with Sohla & Ham: Corn Flakes

Mystery Menu with Sohla & Ham: Hot Pockets

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

Off Menu - Ep 88: Mae Martin

Pop Culture Happy Hour - 'The Godfather' and the limits of on-screen representation

Decoder Ring Plus - The New Age Hit Machine

The Sporkful - Claire Saffitz Doesn’t Need To Defend Dessert

Switched on Pop - Why do new Christmas songs fail?

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Moon Trees

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Bread and Puppet Museum and Theater

Still Processing - Plastic Off the Sofa

Vibe Check - Those Are French Fighting Words

99% Invisible #516 - Cougar Town

Shedunnit Book Club - Howdunnit

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Fluorescent Rocks of Sterling Hill Mine

Into It - Before Elon Bought Twitter, He Tried His Own Version of 'The Onion' (Plus: What's Laci Mosley Into?)

Ologies with Alie Ward - Special Ep: Mycology (MUSHROOMS) Tom Volk Memorial Encore

One Year Plus - The Making of One Year: 1942

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Tina Turner Museum

Strong Songs Bonus Episodes - Jimi Hendrix's Solo on "Hey Joe"

Hit Parade Plus - The Bridge: Pub Rock, Power Pop and New Wave

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

Hit Songs from '80s Movies

The Hollies' Greatest Hits

Repeat When Necessary [Dave Edmunds]

Presenting The Kinks

Playlist: The Very Best Of The Lovin' Spoonful

Bossa Nova Time

Essential Proto-Metal

Rumours [Fleetwood Mac]

Presenting Fleetwood Mac

Presenting Carly Rae Jepsen

Presenting Nine Inch Nails

[laneofpennies]

Have a safe trip!!!

Let's talk blorbos. Give me some songs that make you think of them (any blorbo, I want music)

Thank you!!!

I’ll rattle off a couple songs from Midnights and what blorbos they remind me of,

Paris is sooooo Nygmobblepotcore to me. Gotham girlies will understand. And I specifically mean that small period of time from when Oswald hired Ed to right before he met Isabella. Like. Your ex friend (Theo Galavan)’s sister (Tabitha) saw someone at a club and he (Butch) kissed her. Turns out it was that guy you hooked up with ages ago, some wannabe Z-Lister. Y’all see my vision?

Vigilante Shit popped up on my shuffle last night after i rewatched Glass Onion and bro……. It’s so Helen. Right off the bat about “Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie. They say looks can kill and I might try.” She is dressing for REVENGE, bitch. And for that matter, Karma is LITERALLY Andi. Spider-Boy King of Thieves a.k.a. Miles Bron.

High Infidelity reminds me of Tom and Shiv from Succession for reasons that I hope are obvious because if I start explaining it I’m just gonna go insane over these rich assholes on main and I can’t do that again. Also Kendall def cries when he hears Anti-Hero.

Dear Reader is very much Daniel from IWTV. I haven’t finished the season yet considering I’ve been getting ready for this new job but so far BRO ITS A TRAP

And finally I made a meme about The Substitute kinning Mastermind and I think it’s v funny. They are forever connected in my mind now.

[fff777]

reaction part 1 to the new dream x dream video. it's "as jisung wishes" the long awaited sequel to "as chenle wishes" lel

just noticed that their title card has the member names with their animal emojis

this is the title of the youtube video. it feels like the guys are visiting jisung's house for summer break or something lel.

chenle: if we don't pass this point then jisung won't be king

jeno not letting jisung live lol

chenle was dragging jaemin over across the slippery floor so that he would have crossed the point too lol

ohh now i remember. a long time ago they did "as chenle wishes" so now this is "as jisung wishes." that's why the t-shirts in the thumbnail looked familiar.

that long??

jenle really always stuck together

also the sofa seems really soft so the guys look kind of funny just sitting because they're sinking towards the back of the seats

jisung just asks them to wear t-shirts and it's mutiny, can't ever win as the youngest 😤

LMAO THE CHENLE FAVOURITISM!!!! the first question was jisung's birthday. jaemin got it right first. jisung asked it again and then chenle answered it the second time and then nomin blew up. even chenle was like "yeah, he said it first" lol. but JISUNG GAVE IT TO CHENLE ANYWAY! look at jeno's face of shock. as jisung wishes!

jisung's hand measures 20cm from the wrist to the middle finger

jisung: i want to do this question later uwu chenle and jeno in unison: then do it later! truly as jisung wishes :P

the question was what jisung does when he wakes up/gets home and jaemin's like "pose in front of the mirror without a shirt on," "poop," like bro

ohhhh jisung doesn't like getting his head patted these days. in the example he said, he didn't like that haechan touched his head because his damaged hair shed like crazy

omggg i totally know what jisung means about wanting to change the past. he regrets it so much that he said something that could have hurt wendy's feelings.

more clingy jenle

boy was SHOOK that jaemin knew him so well. he guessed exactly that jisung enjoyed eating pork with onion these days.

chenle, starting shit: if i was czennie, i'd be so disappointed 😢 jeno, playing along:

LOL jaemin almost answering the next question exactly right, which is about what jisung wants to do now because it is also food related

chenle: didn't you give up on a cooking certificate? jisung: yeah, i gave up chenle: good job

lol nomin SHOOK that jisung ever thought of getting one

jaemin's coupon 🤣 jeno was so excited he had his hands in little fists

little gremlin was SQUEALING

now he's asking the guys to take his photo. the theme is "MZ" but i don't really know what that means.

jisung before said that it felt like a 3-on-1 and it really is 😂 bullying jisung hours is always for dream. they're just taking photos at awkward angles lol.

chenle just very flippantly took photos of jisung

jeno actually got the light but he started getting annoyed having to take jisung's photo 😅

master photographer jaemin at work

LOL jaemin won the photography challenge so jeno and chenle have to pick coupons

LMAO jeno really did get the coupon to go stargazing with jisung!!!!! before jisung said he wanted to go stargazing with jeno and jeno was like "...i'm getting goosebumps" lol

cocky little guy, he picked the coupon to cook something for jisung and he was like we'll just do this on cam, since they've literally done it tons of times

jisung consulting dial up internet. i wonder if he would get this reference if he watched his own video

lmfao king of cute and sexy

kyaa we're going to get a dream x dream with chenji then? :3c

aw, jisung wanted for chenle to get the coupon where they would cook together 💝

chenle kept making onion ssam for himself instead of for jisung 😅

chenle favouritism always

jaemin kept slapping the onion onto the lettuce and i guess the water splashed onto jeno twice

jaemin made a really big piece for jisung and he put it in his mouth all at once lel

[jackalsinthekitchen]

pop report #6 (billboard 200, week of 2/3/2024)

on dicks, or things that sound like them

I’ve mentioned it before, but my late buddy and I had a different relationship with the pop charts. I was raised – digesting the star-ratings in my dad’s giant album guides like gospel – to distrust the pop cultural world around me. I always felt out of step (like that girl in the Onion article) with the trends of my time; I was always making heroes out of bygone artists out of step with theirs. My bestie similarly distrusted new culture – it being the early 2000s, what was popular was often mean-spirited and overly prefab. But an odd affection for numbers (innate) and a higher tolerance for boomer-sanctioned fluff (instilled) made him pleased as peaches to ride around to the local oldies station. We doubled down on our anachronisms in a bunker of a band, but when we broke up and stepped separately into daylight, we each had new pop epiphanies. Because somewhere between ‘07 and ‘13, radio music got juicy.

Strong melodies are rarely in short supply, but other things had been adjusted. Hip-hop and pop production became indiscernible, the hook emphasis and contrapuntal construction of the latter absorbing the atmospheric and rhythmic virtues of the former. Spearheaded by artists like Lady Gaga and Beyoncé, women (many non-white) took pop over, tamping down indie tumors like Mumford and Sons and keeping the bros at bay. The most conventional such superstar, Taylor Swift, opened her music and mind to the new sonic fashions, while maintaining her foundation of catchy, emotionally inhabitable songs. A vision of a braver, more equitable world felt represented on the radio, and it was a trip to listen to. With digital production outgrowing its ungainly hallmarks, everything started to sound a little like a dream, and by six or seven years ago, what most people wanted to listen to was wonderful.

But pendulums have a way of swinging back, and while I can’t put my finger on what’s changing, I’m at least equipped to note a few data points and go hmmm. For instance: the top five albums currently perching atop Billboard’s 200 chart are by male artists. I’m a lot less savvy when it comes to analyzing the album charts, in some part because my friend talked about them less than the song charts. It’s often a mixed bag of rap platters, country platters, pop platters, soundtrack platters and evergreen old faves (Thriller; Rumours; Queen’s greatest hits; Elton John’s greatest hits; these days every Taylor Swift album). But with the influx of country bros up said charts – who as far as I’m concerned are always named Luke or Zach, even when they’re named Blake or Chris – you wonder why the Eagles’ Greatest Hits isn’t the hotcake it once was.

It bears mentioning that none of country-pop (much less country)’s women – Taylor Swift hasn’t counted for a while – are selling like the dudes are. I mused a few blogs ago that MAGA might partially account for the whitest genre’s ascendence, but if I’m being cynical I could go bigger. The resistance #metoo engendered (as progress does) obviously includes more than just the red hats. Not that I figure All Men are bulk-buying Morgan Wallen CDs solely out of spite, but it’s hard to imagine any mild-mannered or self-reflective men even streaming him. “Last Night” is one of many smashes he’s racked up to date. His country-rock is inflected with a steely pop sheen, and beefed up with rap-adjacent beats, not to mention a looser and less laconic vernacular than Southern-drawl singers are usually armed with. But that cocky song and its album were each the #1 sellers of 2023, which seems a shame when the best stuff (“Anti-Hero”, “Kill Bill”, “Flowers”, any Barbie single) came, yet again, from the better side of the battle of the sexes.

Unrefined as he may be, Wallen isn’t a menace – if grassroots red meat like “Rich Men North of Richmond” was always on top, things would be less nice. But he does seem likea dick, and it’s a shame when dicks win. Wallen’s album isn’t at #1 anymore, and I’m not super familiar with superseder 21 Savage’s work – though he was half of Drake’s sus Her Loss, which definitely had an indulgent-resentment-of-women vibe. And although from the opening monologue, his album American Dream codes sincere (sincere almost never being preferable), it’s nice in theory to have an album called American Dream at #1 when that album is by a Black hip-hop artist making no overt pop concessions. Anyway, like I said, I haven’t given it sufficient attention, and maybe it’s great. But it’s not revolutionary I’ll betcha, and a scan of the reviews solidifies this enough for me to write all this on my blog without worrying about doing 21 Savage too dirty.

Wallen’s album is at #2 – on the charts for the 47th week. I wonder, without caring to do the work to find out, if its preeminence is comparable to that of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, enduring bestseller Elton John’s half-century-old blockbuster. That was a 2-LP set with 17 songs, and because Elton was the biggest artist in the pop music galaxy at that time, it listed for $5 more than a normal LP ($6.98). Wallen’s albums always contain something like 200 songs, so in theory, that spiffs up his sales. Also, his occasional loose tongue (“take care of this n*****”) and the “I’m a jerk but you love me” aura hallmarking his biggest hits almost definitely guarantees a dose of racists and douchebags in his audience share. But you don’t get to #1 without a portion of your constituency being honest-to-goodness Very Fine People. Then again, a lot of people sit out elections – just like Ariana says, “in case you haven’t noticed/everybody’s tired”.

Drake’s latest is #3, and while the title and imagery of For All the Dogs is less self-celebratorily male than Her Loss, it’s still a bad look from a distance. Drake really is the Elton John of his generation – every one of his albums and mixtapes and “playlists” has gone #1 on the Billboard 200, except the very early So Far Gone (#5 pop, #1 elsewhere) and something called Dark Lane Demo Tapes (#2 pop, #1 elsewhere). His reign has just about tripled John’s heyday (though the double-disc compilation Diamonds wouldn’t be a perpetual top 40 staple if John didn’t have decades’ worth of hits to his name). Though when his streak began, it was the Degrassi alum’s sheer niceness that set him apart – to where, when he came on strong to nominal work friends Nicki Minaj and Rihanna, you had to stifle a smirk – he’s been on something of a Dark Aubrey kick for a while. His flow remains a highly agreeable sound, but the charm’s been low (which is never Jay-Z’s problem), and his invention has never been strong enough to counterbalance it.

Next is Green Day. Green Day! A band, with guitars! At this point Green Day are an American institution, at a level above many of their diverse bands-with-guitars ‘90s peers – it doesn’t seem likely Billy Corgan, for instance, will be asked to turn one of his concept albums into a Broadway musical anytime soon. The band’s staying power, although they capitalized on fashionable liberal resistance and indie-derived pretentiousness with American Idiot, can be chalked up to the fact that they’ve always been more of a pop band than a punk band. But coming on like a punk band still helps. “The American Dream* is Killing Me”, Saviors’ opener, couches its good old-fashioned generalized protest in generic, Beatley melodics, and couches that in hard-within-reason guitars. The Tik Tok time-warping that tosses aging acts up the charts is heartening. Whether or not Saviors is good, Green Day feel like old-guard underdogs now, or at least old friends.

Rounding out our Penis Quintet is Noah Kahan’s Stick Season, the indie-boy fluke du jour. Every once in a while, people want to open the window of the pop palace we’re living in to more organic styles, e.g. the Green Day pop-punk model. When indie started really selling in this country, it wasn’t the soundscaping experimentalists or mordant wordsmiths – it was the real teary-eyed and sincere (wuh oh)-sounding people, leading up to people like the Lumineers, who lived at the crossroads between Arcade Fire and Mumford & Sons, and had about as much depth as the Archies but pretended otherwise. You can hear why Kahan is setting himself apart – the unconventional tinge in his voice helps lend a unique air to his lyrics, which are also unconventionally tinged. This isn’t the same as “clear-eyed” or “incisive”, though (much less mordant); the trick is to make you think you’re hearing something more outside the box than you are, which on the pop charts is sometimes just outside the box enough to be compelling. Nevertheless, he doesn’t seem like a dick – his music is as nice as it sounds, and his words’ heart is in the right place despite the weakness of the sauce. They aren’t very funny, but Kahan certainly is, at least when he’s talking about sunflower seed shells.

The rest of the top ten discontinues the pattern. Taylor bookends – #6 is her latest, which happens to be the long-awaited, marginally-differentiated re-recording of the album that launched her into pop super-stardom. Nothing she says isn’t calculated, but she’s right to tout her own prescience in the liner notes. There was liberation as well as mercenary benefit in roping pop into her music, in all its Nashville-bucking, cybernetic glory – and using the tradition of sexualized pop stars as a vehicle to amplify her rich-young-woman-about-town themes. But if 1989 wasn’t a money move (it was, at least a little), 1989 (Taylor’s Version) begins in that category. I note that ���Is it Over Now”, her 9000th hit, has more of a self-repetitive vibe than usual. Then there’s Lover at #10 – on the wings of “Cruel Summer”, surely. The notoriously sunny album, brimming with shrewder pop gestures than her more consciously “artistic” last three, increasingly hits like a pre-COVID time capsule if not balm.

In between are two girls and a guy. #7 is last year’s from SZA, an always thoughtful, rarely compromising album auteur whose music rides that line between art and commerce better than most. #9 is country’s best example of same – the self-titled from Zach Bryan, foremost among the Luke and Blake crop as a singer and writer even if he’s no Tyler Childers in either department. Sandwiched between at #8 is Pink Friday 2, sequel to an album that back in 2010 felt like the shape of things to come. Well before huffers and puffers tread on the toes Taylor was dipping into pop waters, Nicki was getting slammed for loving pop and showing it. Now Pink Friday is regarded as the kind of classic none of her subsequent albums, which are always overlong and (how do I safely say this) temperamentally disagreeable, can hope to measure up to. Back around PF1, her verbal invention and shapeshifting ubiquity had me thinking, rockistly, “new Dylan”. Well: she wasn’t. But I’m glad she’s still selling some records.

I never turned my observation of the top five’s all-sausage status into a hypothesis; I’m not really good at hypotheses. But I wonder if there’s also a connection to the #1 song in the country right now, which is by Jack Harlow and is called “Lovin’ On Me”. On sight, Harlow is like a post-Post Malone, a beardy, dirtbaggy-looking white guy who’s sort of hip-hop and sort of not, and he’s been a big star for a minute. (My editor: “he doesn’t look like he has a stylist… or a shower, maybe.”) Like Drake, his flow has a downtempo, low-effort-seductive quality, and he’s possibly hotter than Post Malone – you can sort of see why Dua Lipa dated him, even if it took him putting out a million-selling mash note called “Dua Lipa” and it doesn’t look like it worked out. But I have to admit, I just don’t understand why “Lovin’ on Me” is number one. It’s one of those club-style songs so totally unmelodic it almost feels like an insult, and though “I’m vanilla baby/I’ll choke you but I ain’t a killer baby” is more on the gentlemanly side than is common for this playa-hype stuff, the attitude and verbiage are mostly not mold-breaking.

That line does give me pause; if your partner wants to be choked, and consent is properly brokered, then obliging is not only nice, but, lovin’, even. And while the chorus is a rejection, not an embrace, of BDSM predilections, it still hinges on “you can’t tie me down”, an age-old I’m-a-man-and-I-can-do-what-I-want trope. If American elections have proven anything, it’s that Americans don’t always pay careful attention to what they’re giving power to. The single’s lyric is all over the place (“I keep it short with a bitch, Lord Farquaad”), but one thing it is not is self-effacing. So maybe “Lovin’ on Me” is the druggy-hangout or night-at-the-strip-club soundtrack staple of the moment – for the kind of white bro who likes to pretend he’s (his idea of) a Black bro, or for Black bros united with them via sexism and taste for a certain sound. It’s also worth entertaining that, given its current primacy, a number of women like the song too.

I know it’s dumb and dangerous to speculate along dichotomous demographics (he says, right after doing just that). I remember quizzing my Black Lyft driver about his passion for Luke Combs’ “Fast Car”, which he did not know was a Tracy Chapman song and did not listen closely to enough to hear Combs refer to himself as a “checkout girl”. Instead, he felt drawn to it because of the nature of the narrator’s care, the I’ll-do-whatever-it-takes-for-us of it all. The reasons people love the music they love are often more visceral than complex. It’s not only conceivable but inevitable that “Lovin’ on Me”, by a white rapper who’s on record as a BLM supporter and has been praised for his self-interrogation, appeals to otherwise irreconcilable categories of listeners. But not the category I’m in, which is something like “well-intentioned, open-hearted, bi-vibes older millennial who loves music more than anything.”

Men are people too; I’m one, albeit a self-hating one. And lest I slip into misandry, let me concede that some forms of male aggro do relate to necessary strength, rather than the typical insecurity/emotional avoidance/urge to violence. Hip-hop’s strivers are economic cousins to Nashville’s nouveau riche, because some class disadvantages necessitate hardness to thrive and provide. Inherited toxicities can enflame this already combustible component something awful, but DJ Khaled (for example) insisting he deserves oral sex but his wife doesn’t because he puts food on the table (“ya gotta understand, I’m the king, I’m the don”, he actually said, not in a song but an interview) is an especially low bar. But men sometimes do live up to their projected strength – and there are times when what they’ve got is just what somebody needs. Looking askance at any consensus, like what song or album the biggest number of people are listening to, is a slippery slope if you don’t try to understand it first. Still, I’m playing American Dream right now, and still not sure how it’s won over this many people.

Maybe there's another key to what’s going on here. Many of today’s top hits are het-up and horny, just like “Lovin On Me” – Tate McRae’s “Greedy” (#3) which is plenty feminist, or Teddy Swims’ “Lose Control” (#4), a different twist on America’s main racial binary (country-looking white dude belts out barn-burning gospel/soul), or Tyla’s blissfully lubricious “Water” (#11). So maybe that’s why people keep banging “Lovin’ On Me”, which is also the first hit single since Rihanna’s “S&M” a bajillion years ago to turn on the phrase “whips and chains”. The cold is keeping people indoors, and Harlow’s hit is giving them ideas, so they’re jamming to it. Not here to knock your love, America: you fuck to what you wanna fuck to. But maybe being a straight man (ugh) is why I just can’t get it up, be it on a dancefloor or behind closed doors, to anyone who comes on like a dick.

*not the 21 Savage album

[jude-thedude98]

Blessed be to those that are sick

Allergic to intoxication

Vibrational waves

Stains of pain.

Skit.

Slit.

Turns Page.

Outeage

How could you kill this person today

The day of change

Right when everything is supposed to make sense

You break since

Whenever time first existed

It's twisted

I wanna slit my wristed

Or take this oooooo to my......double fist it

Get richess

Or dye trying it

Colors may change but we stay stagnant

No flag head

Who you repping

Where your flag at

I can't quit

This line of blood is who I grew up wit

But if it cripples then

What am I to do when

No one wants to answer the phoning

Home never no you are not alone

Cheeks to face

Face to hands

No matter how you at it its all in hisherstheirs hands

So what plan

What plan do you do when supply won't demand

Strip em from the can

Tell em all you can come back to work again

But friend

Let me tell you again

Second chances

Aren't often dances

So take romances

In de lights and fancies

Cuz no matta if efs don't ef with turkeys

We still grounding at the beef station

Or everything is everything brohammie

Let's make us a mama or a Ren sammich

So no matter if you They wish Manwich or Womanwich

We all sloppy

Nose

Goes

To the sisses n bros

Who keep it cooler than cold

Cause every seasoning seem hot

Spicy paprika

Met spicy onion powder

The two got together and made a

Spicy Cinnamon n sugar.flour

Your life with petals of blessings and peace

Don't forget about the "hey! stop! Sniff Me!s

Forget not these things

Because these things are evidences of existences.

"You write," I said as I crept up behind the boy who forced me into editing.

"No but my little brother does. He's cute — you'd like him."

"All kids are cute."

"Debatable," you said as haste came threw the door. "Shouldn't you be writing now? It is 4:44 a.m."

"I write at 4:45.am.," I said, wondering how long he's been studying my daily routines.

"Forever and Forever and Infinity," he answered as if he'd tasted my thoughts.

"Whatever," I said as I turned into my sleeping bag in the Journalist Room we all camped in.

This scene and story poem was written by Jude PoetAll All Rights Reserved.

Written in the scene's voice of Casey.

Story Poem written by Sage.