#BRITISH PEOPLE ARENT REAL...

[antlercollections]

Why is he BRITISH....

[mikchi8]

GUYS @its-a-me-mango ISNT REAL

VOID

VOID

V O I D

[silllyz]

okay listen

ive watched a couple of the Life Series that Grian made, right?

convinced that british people are made up

like, how do Grian and Mumbo just- EXIST???

i'm very weirded out

[askingprofduncan]

i hope they find the cure to british soon🙏 amen!

Thanks anon, I hope so too.

[my-dessert]

I love good omens I just wish british people were real

[simptasia]

sometimes i see somebody say an actor is ugly and i can't help but wonder if that person has ever been on a bus

[orangeberrycake]

yeah america sucks ass but best believe i will defend the SHIT out of it when i hear the word america come from a british "person"

[dramaticstarfish]

i would like to be perceived as this

he is filled with joy and wonder. if you like this and dont reblog it thats an automatic block i dont care anymore

[sn0wytheguineapig]

to all british people reading this, you no longer have rights!

[kcrossvine-art]

hi friends! :D y'all voted and fought neck and neck for this SO- heres the first entry into our little cooking journey of J. R. R. Tolkeins fictional food for his fictional little guys he puts in fictional turmoils for our enjoyment and awe!

 Before we get started i wanna say i owe my heart to all the LotR fans who upkeep the wiki, debate the cannon, and create their own versions of the foods mentioned. Both because of my love for people who LOVE (passionate people)(passion about anything) and because my own knowledge of this series is a little dusty. I've never seen the movies but I did read the books growing up. I'll be learning and remembering things from a fairly newbie standpoint, so no worries if you yourself arent familiar with the series! (and if you are familiar, hopefully youll forgive me!)

We will be making Lembas ('waybread') today! If you've made your own version of this please feel free to share it, similarly if you have any ideas for what we make next!

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to Lembas?” YOU MIGHT ASKWell so the funny thing is we kinda dont know. At least not entirely? The elves are dicks like that. But heres what we'll be using in ours-

Butter

Self-rising flour

Granulated Sugar

Raisins

A small dried fruit of your choosing

Almonds OR Pecans

EGG

Whole Milk

Heavy Cream

And if you would like for dipping-

Blackberry jam

To the extent i understand this is kinda like hardtack from the bri'ish military, but a fantastical version of it that actually tastes really good. Hardtack was a military provision with the texture of a brick that took a long time to spoil and could be easily carried with soldiers. So the texture we're going for is super dense, packed full with nuts and fruits (haha just lik-), but perhaps not that dense. We want something closer to a dog biscuit than actual tack.

I remembered something about corn being mentioned, thankfully the wiki clarified that no actually the british just referred to any grain as corn back in the day. Thank Fuck! Although I would like to try a version of this using masa in the future.

AND, “what does Lembas taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

Took a few tries but eventually got it perfectly chewy and dense

The raisins cook-in like little beads of flavortown sweetness

Cant speak for other fruits but for dried apple it softened up nicely, kinda matching the raisins in the end

Im a big pecan slut, pecans fuck on anything especially here. Crumble them on top after you coat the dough with the egg-mixture for some visual appeal

Somewhat flakey outside

The jam was my idea, it was nice but might be too sweet for some tastes

Would pair very well with a kiwi flavored drink

Or mead

I can see why this would a travelling provision. Its both sugary (a good thing when expending energy) and filling (also a good thing when youre travelling) while not being overwhelming with flavor (if youre prone to motion sickness. Horse sickness? Do get motion sickness on horses?)

Its like how if you're going hiking you want a good mix of sugars and salts, to balance your intake of water.

. If you wanna make it like the illustrations or the movie, use a cookie cutter for either triangles or squares . If you don't have a cookie cutter, an apple cutter also works ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . try to keep the board you'll roll the dough out onto chilled before you use it, it seems better for the texture of the food though i dont entirely know why

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So from beginning to end, it took about an hour and half for the first attempt. Down to about 40 minutes for the second attempt. These are a real simple recipe because its not like a croissant where the margin for error is nonexistent. Middle-earth be damned my boy can work a grill.

I'd recommend storing in a tubberware container, but if you're deadset on using leaves please rinse and dry them first, and wrap the bread in either wax paper or saran wrap underneath. We dont have mallorn leaves in real life (as far as we know) but most salad greens should work, or as Marie Porter says (linked in the reblogs!) a banana leaf.

I really enjoyed the process of making this recipe, itd be really easy to batch-bake these en masse, and the process of eating said recipe. Like all jokes aside, i think this would be a great substitute for trailmix. Its not going to get smushed and even if it breaks a bit it wont affect the taste. It wont keep you fed for a whole day but pair it with some pickles or a salty snack and yeah itll keep your motor running.

I give this recipe a solid 10/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) Let me know if you think I got something wrong, or if you ran into issues with the recipe. We're off to a strong start, lads!

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

6 TBSP butter, chilled

2 cups self-rising flour

1 TBSP granulated sugar

½ cup raisins

½ other dried fruit (strawberry slices, oranges, etc.), chopped

Handful of almonds or pecans, chopped

1 egg, well beaten

½ cup whole milk

4 TBSP heavy cream

Method:

Preheat your oven to 400 f.

Cut the butter into slivers/small pieces. With your hands, combine the butter into the flour in a mixing bowl until the mixture resembles coarse sand.

Chop your dried nuts and dried fruit until it feels right.

Mix in the sugar, raisins, nut, and dried fruit of your choosing

In a seperate bowl, beat the egg until combined, and then mix in the milk until combined. Keep a bit of this mixture to brush the tops of the bread.

Stir while adding the egg/milk mixture and the heavy cream into the flour. Mix just until combined into a soft dough.

Knead the dough until firm on a floured surface.

Roll into a half inch thickness and cut with a square or leaf shaped cookie cutter. (...or in my case, an apple corer).

Place on a lightly greased baking sheet, with about an inch of space between each piece. Brush the tops of the lembas with some of the mixture you saved earlier.

Bake for about 15-20 minutes, or until it turns a soft gold and the inside is chewy.

[sepiamestus]

British people arent real they were invented by big television to sell baking shows

[our-trans-punk-experience]

GO FUCK YOURSELF WES STREETING

warning before proceeding: this is not a regular post. it is not going to be especially funny, or educational, or coherent its just going to be multiple paragraphs of unfiltered rage. if you want to know what I'm talking about i will post an Official blog post on it immediately after this. the only reason im even posting this is to maybe vindicate some angry trans kid out there today. i see you, your anger is justified

FUCK WES STREETING. i mean that. i have never been so shocked at how angry i am with somebody. the boiling rage i usually feel towards politicians like him is usually tempered with a veneer of predictability to it. and don't get m wrong, it wasnt that I didnt see a full puberty blocker outlawing on the cards for the UK. what did me in was the bloody fucking letter. maybe its bc hes from the less right wing of our two parties, maybe its bc he's a gay man himself and it feels like more of a betrayal. bc he sure does bring that up a lot in his letter doesnt he. oh he is just so bloody sorry about how trans kids are feeling, and he knows he can't understand fully (you can't wes, you really can't) buthe swears he empathises just a bit.

the entire thing is so FUCKING CONDESCENDING. the patronising tone is tugging the strings of my anger like a fly in my ear and WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE wes streeting to say “I know it won’t feel like it based on the decisions I’m taking today, but I really do care about this" . its another "we're doing whats best for trans kids theyll understand when theyre older"

because your message wouldve been a fairly reassuring if empty statement if it had come from LITERALLY ANY OTHER MP. but for the man who's in charge of enacting the puberty blocker ban to say that rings sinister and well just a prick move isnt it. the man acknowledges the high rates of violence, suicide, self harm ect in the trans community while he plows on with deleting their healthcare. and it is TRANS healthcare specifically because he was asked about kids who are prescribed puberty blockers for precocious puberty and outright admitted that the medication was clearly safe from those cases and they were only banning them for trans kids

but the line that is just a real KICK IN THE TEETH is one particular phrasing. “I can’t pretend to know what that’s like, but I do know what it’s like to feel you have to bury a secret about yourself, to be afraid of who you are," oh bury a secret bury a secret you know what its like to bury a secret do you wes streeting do you know what its like to bury a child?? which more people will have to do in the future after this legislation

and going on that your reasoning is there arent sufficient studies to show that banning puberty blockers leads to an increase in suicide??? firstly, why is your measure of success "not having this will increase suicide" in a study about whether it is physically safe?? you've admitted the medication is safe for cis kids so it JUST TRANSPHOBIA but also you know the British board of psychology wouldn't ever approve the sorts of studies you're discussing, right?? You know that it does not legally comply with ethtical requirements to conduct a study where the measure is "how many people commit suicide"? you know??

he knows. he says he cares. he cares about nothing but his career. fuck wes streeting.

[salidadelmarisol]

the fact that there was some weird increase in anons sending hate/threats to jegulus creators and calling them facists at the same time as there being alt right riots in the uk is crazy. like even if shipping these characters somehow made you a facist (it doesnt) like what? priorities PLEASE! these are not the british facists you should be stressing about, these are ao3 authors. the death eaters ARENT REAL. maybe be a little more concerned about the acid attacks, chainsaws and general arson? maybe show up to antifacist counterprotests? maybe actually learn the difference between facist sympathisers and people who ship fictional characters? maybe stop harassing strangers on the internet and actually invest your time in community support?

[boarloved-art]

the mdzs british gameshow au resides in my heart so firmly recently, its so dire, so heres some throwaway headcanons i have abt it bc i fear i shall go insane 😌😌😌 under the cut bc im insane and rambled far too much 😆😆😆

-jgy is still evil purely bc its Hilarious. everythings a normal Modern British Au Where Most Of Them Work In Daytime Television but jgys still evil? flawless. but only kinda evil! his whole "i have been overlooked my entire life bc of my low status and now i long for the ability to prove every1 wrong" thing still stands. except instead of murdering people and condoning experimentation on live humans, its now just ruining peoples careers so he can get a promotion. loser.

- 3zun messy love triangle REAL TO ME! walk with me as i describe the following. jgy starts his working life as an assistant for the nie's Sunshot Campaign band, him and mingjue get kinda close theres some homoerotic tension that never gets worked out, mingjue then starts dating xichen. nielan break up for unknown reasons, then jgy swoops in and starts dating xichen. theyre engaged now, wow theyre so in love shoutout xiyao. except. nmj and lxc still very in love, everyone seems aware of this Except NieLan themselves. all of them have feelings for eachother, None of them are normal about it.

- Huaisang has been live tweeting this entire 3zun saga to his mutuals. hes based a fanfic on it. wangji has tried to subliminally message xichen about the concept of polyamory (aka watching documentaries while xichens home), in the hopes that maybe just maybe they'll realise that theres a very real answer to all of them liking eachother, except its just resulting in xichen thinking that wangjis polyamorous. wangji withers a little bit when hes hit with the "if this is who u are thats okay you can tell me <3" talk from xichen. the brotherly equivalent of how he felt in canon about "so you like mianmian, right?!"

- huaisangs a real renaissance man, noone knows what he Does. it seems to be everything and nothing at all. hes an art student (maybe? whos to say? mingjue called his uni to ask about him and they said they didnt have a student called nie huaisang.), hes the Sunshot social media manager (definitely. they didnt even Have social media before him which is Insane), sometimes he does their album art, wuxian Thinks huaisang works at a B&Q ? once again , hes Seen huaisang in the uniform & working at a till but any questions to the actual shop turn up stares of confusion and "we dont have an employee called huaisang..?", huaisang may or may not be the owner of the popbase twitter account, he writes fanfic but refuses to divulge what fandom its for. the only detail anyone knows is that it's one of the most bookmarked fics in his fandom. huaisang has so many random connections and skills that wuxian genuinely thinks that Maybe hes an immortal but most of the skills are So specific and Mostly Useless that he Doesnt Want to believe it.

- jiang yanli and jin zixuan ALIVE, raising their BEAUTIFUL SON JIN LING, with the help of his MANY UNCLES! wuxian and jiang cheng, upon learning that not only is their sisters boyfriend rich, but his Brothers Engaged To The Host Of The Chase, are horrified to think that they might be Nepotism Chase Contestants. jin zixuan doesnt know what being a Nepotism Chase Contestant would even imply but they bring it up so often that hes considered a handwritten apology because they seem genuinely distressed (they arent. theyre fucking with him. but he doesnt need to know that.)

-the jiang family are Baffling in family photos. madame yu is very elegant and cool, fengmian has clearly had his outfit selected by madame yu, jiang yanli is v soft and pretty, wei wuxian is an emo, and jiang cheng is a bloke who goes around in footie tshirts 99% of the time. you can tell when yu ziyuan has styled them because wuxians hair is lacking any volume, completely flat and slicked, and in a LOW pony so you cant see it in photos, and both boys are stood there in shirts and trousers like theyre off to a wedding. wuxians biggest relief about being disowned was that he'll never suffer hairgel again.

- the wens have been living with their grandma, an uncle, a Nebulous Baby Relative and a wei wuxian. wuxian latches onto them so fast. as is par for the course with wuxian & the wens. he loves that baby. a-yuan starts calling him dad one day and noone can tell him no, so now he just kinda Is. ayuan sucks up Wuxians Little Shit Energy far too easily and now hes Factually The Funniest Kid In The World. he calls wuxian broke once and wuxians entire brain rebooted a bit. my real life nephew did this to me multiple times.

- ayuan luuuuurves game shows and quizzes, wen qing & wuxian working on one Fixes this child. hes enamoured. he needs to watch his daily Chase-Pointless-Catchphrase-Tipping Point rotation or he cant sleep.

- wangxian are EMBARRASSING!!!! anytime they see eachother its Unstoppable Force (wuxian trying to hint that hes bisexual and single) vs Immovable Object (wangji being CERTAIN that wuxian has no interest in him). wangjis a PATHETIC little man for this northern emo, he hides it well and keeps up his Sensible & Emotionless thing, but his thoughts are like a sopping wet kitten. he thinks hes handling this crush sooooo normally and then wuxian posts a selfie on instagram and wangjis opening google to search Wedding Ring Shops Near Me as if thats a proportionate response to a selfie. wuxian isnt any better. wangji likes his instagram story and wuxian cheers out loud, to which the only response is a loud sigh from wen qings room.

- for wuxians first episode of pointless, he does a celebrity episode so he can pick all his faves and have them bring whoever they want along with them. he was not expecting lan wangji but oh god is he thankful for xichen in this moment. the second he sees wangji also at xichens podium, he decides that xichen is now his second- sorry, third- sorry fourth favourite person. A-yuan, Yanli & Wangji are joint first. when hes chatting with the contestants about their lives, an OBSCENE amount of his time talking with wangji is poorly disguised flirting. twitter tears him to SHREDS for how desperate he clearly is. huaisang is also here but hes not mingjues teammate, hes a random radio hosts teammate. another enigma for wuxian to add to his huaisang conspiracy board.

- wuxian has a rotating cast of cohosts on pointless until wangji applies for the job, at which point wuxian becomes sure that god is real and that wuxian is gods favourite. much like every other time theyve been near eachother, their first episode together is mostly poorly disguised flirting and soppy eye contact. huaisang has now based a fanfic off this.

-Sunshot Campaign 5 album is never happening and wuxian needs to move on but he CANT! he craves that album. he doesnt CARE if mingjue is a top gear host or something now! he doesnt CARE about mingjues self help book, or his home renovation show! If he wanted to stan someone with side hustles, he'd stan huaisang, damnit! he abuses his Huaisangs Best Friend privileges to ask when an albums on its way and everytime he is told "im pretty sure da-ge sold his drumset 5 years ago ngl"

[spookberry]

An infodump is being requested and hoped for, what random topic have you been rotating in your mind lately*?

*can be from seconds/minutes/hours/days ago

Okay well im gonna rant about high school musical some more then, specifically Sharpay

One thing of note about Sharpay Evans that I have in the past seen people get wrong, whether cuz of the setup we're used to with high-fem mean girl antagonists, or just faulty memory equating the 2nd movie's structure to the other two as well- is that Sharpay "runs the school" in some way.

Sharpay Evans has an intense personality and is insanely rich. So people know her. But shes not even really in charge of the drama department(darbus doesnt actually play favorites within the club itself, she just likes the drama kids more than the non-drama kids) Sharpay's the queen of people assuming you know what you're talking about just because you're confident when you say it.

At school shes not really friends with anyone, outside of her brother. Like she sits with other drama kids at lunch but she doesnt talk to them lol. Sharpay is considered a laughing stock by most her peers and THATS the reason she doesnt want Troy/Gabriella involved in the musical. She assumed the "meatheads" as she calls them were going to make a joke out of something she cares a lot about.(thats not to day she isnt the bad guy of the film or something, she definitely is. Just that she isnt in a place of real power over anyone) After callbacks it becomes clear Troy and Gabriella are serious and their peers arent just making fun of the drama club so shes quick to offer support and congratulate Gabriella. Like Sharpays just dramatic and likes to be the star of attention, you cant fault her for that.

Like, shes queen bee of the drama department and a schemer to boot, but when shes at East High she doesnt really have any power the way she does at Lava Springs.

Also side note can you IMAGINE how fucking awkward thatd actually be to have like half your class working at a resort your family owns. Luckily Sharpay has no shame and would boss them around even outside of this scenerio but I briefly put myself in her shoes and I felt like shriveling up and dying. Like her mother makes this comment "these are your school chums not the fuddy duddy lava springs staff" and im like "this makes everything a million times worse, ma'am your daughter already has a bad reputation amongst her classmates and now youre allowing this??" The wildcats even mention feeling weird about having to wait on sharpay to which their boss assures them they wont have to(which is a lie!!)

Fun fact tho, me and my sisters used to rewatch the first and second high school musical films so fucking much that one time we were bored and started just like, quoting the 2nd movie from start to end word for word, songs included. And then afterwards we were like that was weird... do we know the first one too? we did.

The plotline in hsm3 with rocketman and the british girl was so lame tho tbh. Sharpay would never breakdown during a performance like that. Did you see her in 2 with Troy as her partner? It was like performing with a cardboard cut out and she still nailed it.

Side tracking again to actually talk about Gabriella this time. But the way the third movie treats her makes me so annoyed. Like the whole world is against her! Her Main Thing since Day One of this franchise has been that she wants a break from being "the smart girl" and just finally embrace her chance at a normal school life. She's never lived anywhere long enough to finish out a full school year, let alone have friends, and she finally gets that at East High and what does the universe do?? Make her feel bad and like shes throwing away her future for wanting to go to prom, perform in her last musical, and graduate high school with her friends. Which is like conpletely normal and reasonable to want?? I dont blame her for not wanting to go back to East High after all of her friends basically pushed her out and lectured her for wanting to enjoy her time there. Its not like stanford was going anywhere. She still couldve left for college in the fall like all her friends were going to.

I like to imagine Gabriella turns out to be someone who wants a very stable life for her kids. She settles down and makes sure they experience all the small joys of growing up that she just never really had.

Sharpay's ending was kinda sad too tbh. Even if she didn't have any plans for higher education at the end it feels off. (Why was she and Ryan even worried about the Julliard scholarship anyways? Theyre insanely rich)

Also dont even get me started on Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure. Theres some parts to it that i think are absurdly stupid in like the way a movie about sharpay trying to get famous should be absurdly stupid. And then there are other parts that are like :/ who even is this.

[thornswoggled]

you know what it is. 106 stream of consciousness. lets go

WOW ok just by the thumbnail alone im surprised. i did NOT think we were gonna get to see the rest of hildas scene with lindel so soon. like i had no earthly clue where this chapter was going to start up

chapter title lindel feels very reminiscent of ch1 "future chise" illus

"misery makes strange bedfellows." hmmmm. all small caps too for some reason

yamazaki prepping us to view lindel as a secondary antagonist by drawing his face in shadow like every other frame

ARE THOOOOOOSE FUCKIIIIING DWAAAAARRVES????????? HELLOOOOOOO???????

why did we not meet these thangs the first two times they went to iceland. maybe she decided to add a little spice

oh my god missing subtitles. literal empty bubbles. comicgrowl needs to be dealt with. severely

more talk of eggs and chicks. which could mean nothing

looking at the slider.... this is another slightly longer chapter. huge for a guy like me

OMG we get to see what happened that time rahab summoned them oooooooooo

lindels shirt in this scene is really cunty. sorry. who said that

"this is the 2000s era" ok so we are still playing coy with what year it is. probably a good idea

"my first time meeting the current you." so yamazaki is weaving in the concept that rahab can meet people on different parts of their timeline. which feels a little op and a good deus ex for conflict resolution but thats my own personal beef with timeline fuckery as a plot device

wadda hell. this dragon hatched fully fledged like a damn bulnosaur

ohhhh this dragon is the one flying behind lindel in that one color spread for arc 3. the one i captioned with "whatever. go my dragon"

adolfs protestation about magic is like. yes. i agree. because tamb does not have a robust magic system and its attempts to form a solid action-based plot are largely impotent, which is FINE, we are here for character development anyway. i once made a webcomic with the same problems so i dont mean to throw stones in glass houses but like. yeah the distinction between mages and alchemists and how magic works is not something i have ever been sold on

great callback to chise summoning those wasps in arc 1. i enjoy seeing a scene from the early chapters reimagined in the modern art style. tangent, but in the supplements the note for that scene was something like "chise has never seen this kind of bug in real life so she probably remembered it from a nature documentary"

pokemon-ass messaging here. fucking catch em all

just now noticing the twins got their hair swoop from hilda

"i managed to avoid lying." i was about to ask how exactly he lied but then skipped ahead and read the answer whoops

lindel hurrying hilda out the door but he doesnt even know what she came here for yet. like she didnt get to tell him about the red dragon yet LOL

im also just now realizing that the dragon we saw at the end of 105 was the dragon adolf hatched and not the dragon that cursed chise. ok 🧍‍♂️

"they even forbade me from speaking my language" so i think lindel is implying here that hes part of the sámi people which tracks. i wonder if they were speaking one these languages when he met elias? i still dont know why lindel bothered to ask where elias came from when he could have inferred it from whatever language he spoke

adolf explicitly states that he left germany before ww2 which i think was very funny on yamazakis part (DO NOT GET IT TWISTED, she said, HE IS NOT A NAZI) but at the same time. why was he fleeing british soldiers. maybe they just assumed he was a nazi cuz of his name and accent. idk

ok so its time to go back to school already. silky being convinced that theyll be stuck there for months again is. so funny

"do you think we can ask the college to send letters for us" what do you mean by that. does the college not give you the means to send mail. are you expected to just use the royal mail. why arent you using royal mail anyway. hello

ok so she stomps on the floor and a new door springs up. it looks like an exterior door based on the lock. is this a sort of uhhhh howls moving castle/witch hat atelier windowway sort of situation. is silky going to break into the college so she doesnt have to miss her kid. she looks so stupidly nefarious i know the reason she looks so creepy is going to be funny as fuck

so overall i cant say that lindel and adolf are my fav characters or that i am terribly invested in them so i dont feel i got a TON out of this chapter but i am excited with the last page we got. happy for the lindel enjoyers and the lore dump yall got. i guess im not sure what purpose this new dragon is serving either because its (probably) not related to red vs white dragon conflict. i guess you could say that its a third dragon that emphasizes the importance of choosing your own path rather than being locked in this fated cyclical battle the way the red and white dragons are, which would be in line with tambs greater themes. like a third choice, i guess. adolf is also shaping up to be in a similar position to chise - that is, he has a unique relationship with magic, and his master has to lie for him so he wont be unduly researched lol. i am interested to see how much time we will see chise actually studying or being in class considering all the other things shes now expected to be responsible for. her ass is not studying 💯💯💯