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arimiadev · 1 year ago

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2023 Year in Review

2023 has come and gone—it feels like it was just a week ago that my grandma was complaining that Thanksgiving and Christmas were too close together, and now it’s January. I spent the last 2 weeks of 2023 sick (I still am), which made it go by like a blur.

2022 was a fresh slate for me, with a new job, a new home, and new projects. 2023 was a year of finding a new rhythm—figuring out how I work best and molding my work time around that rather than trying to make myself go against the flow.

Working from home is truly a blessing and a curse. I do think that it has more positives than negatives (especially right now as I’m able to work while being sick and don’t have to take time off), but navigating around the negatives is tricky. The main problem I’ve faced, aside from lack of interaction with non-family, is that it’s harder for me to focus on work when I end up spending almost all of my awake hours at my desk, either for my fulltime job or for VN development or for relaxing.

I’ve had to mix things up, usually taking my laptop to other parts of the house or even working outside of home some days. Even if it’s only for a few hours, it helps reset the fatigue of being at my desk all day every day. It doesn’t always work, and one problem I ran into for most of the year was being unable to focus on writing. Art and scripting are more “mindless” for me, I can do them with a video or voice call in the background, but writing is something I’ve always struggled to concentrate on.

This year was my first year attempting NaNoWriMo, though a more casual version of it. A few other devs were also entering NaNoWriMo to work on their projects so I hopped on too. I wanted to use the hype of the event to push myself to focus on writing, and it worked! My goal was to hit 30k total words in the month across multiple projects—which is about what I write in half a year—and I hit it.

Projects

Canvas Menagerie continued to be my main project in 2023. I was able to release several new demo builds for the project, mainly redoing and improving artwork for the game. My art has been improving a lot the past couple of years which is a good and a bad thing—it’s good because I’m improving and it’s bad because it means I have to redo or edit older game art!

I was also able to finish writing Act 2, meaning that Canvas Menagerie is 2/3rds written! A lot of good progress was made on it this year and I hope to continue (and maybe finish?) that this year.

I also got a trailer for it by Hatoge, a fellow BL developer! It came out so nice…

youtube

My other main project for 2023 was Lost Lune, a project I started in 2022. It was meant to be a small-ish project for Winter VN Jam 2022, but I ran into some issues with the story structure.

Lost Lune is a story I like but have had a hard time figuring out how to put the world and characters into words. I have an understanding on how the plot progresses, but due to a few different reasons it’s been hard to actually write it. One reason has been the unconventional format for the story, with it flipping between the past and present in a linear way. The other reason I’ve had a hard time with it is the character personalities—Weiss, the main character, is much more forward, blunt, and promiscuous than characters I’ve written before. It’s also the darkest setting I’ve ever written in as it’s set in a post apocalypse.

Thanks to NaNoWriMo I was able to get over 9k more written for the story, leading to about half of the story currently being written. I’d like for the project to be finished this year, but it’s hard to say when.

A small project I worked on for Ludum Dare & Otome Jam this year was a short game featuring some of my oldest OCs, where you play as a witch returning home and helping her father’s delivery service. I wanted to make something more experimental than what I usually make and something just for me.

I ended up adding some extra features to it but never released the updated build, so maybe sometime in the future…

My last project for this year was Asphodelium, my Winter VN Jam 2023 entry. I’ve had a hard time describing it, but basically it’s a dark slice of life romance about the members of a disbanded adventurer’s guild after stopping a doomsday cult at the cost of killing their former leader who betrayed them. Hazel, the one who dealt the final blow, has had the hardest time moving on—until one day he’s approached by a man with the same face as their dead leader.

This was a story I got the idea for sometime in September and began writing on a whim in the middle of October and ended up writing a majority of in November for NaNoWriMo. I didn’t expect the script to get far but here I am, 40k words later…

I finished the script and most of the art in December but was unable to completely finish the game because I got sick before Christmas. Just another WIP to finish this year…

Articles

This year I didn’t make as many articles as in years prior, a trend that will probably go forward. I do still want to write articles on marketing and visual novel dev, but I feel like it’s a waste of time to rehash old topics or talk about social media algorithms and such.

One thing I started this year for articles was interviews with fellow developers, starting with my friend ingthing. I don’t want my articles to be just my own opinions, so I want to get more voices out there. In 2024 I want to do more interviews with other devs to share their views on development.

With a record high amount of games we had to judge for Spooktober VN Jam this year, I wrote up a post about my takeaways from the jam with some commentary from my fellow judges. I was blown away by the response the article received, with it being one of my top 3 articles of all time now.

My last blog post—I hesitate to call it an article—that I wrote in one frantic day somehow was my favorite of the year. After months of radio silence from Aniplex US about Mahoyo, the first TYPE-MOON (pure) visual novel to be released officially in English on Steam, I did a deep dive into why they had forsaken such easy money by refusing to market it. The end result? Well, we’ll probably never know why, but it’s clear that someone at Aniplex made the decision to not give a budget to their marketing teams for Mahoyo and instead let the fans market it themselves.

Art

This year was a bit sparse for full artworks, with a majority of them being for Canvas Menagerie. I got a lot more comfortable drawing his hair!

I also got more into Holostars EN this year with the introduction of the second half of Holostars Tempus, the Vanguard unit (but mainly Gavis Bettel). I was following Tempus from the beginning and was a big fan of Magni and Vesper, but Bettel won as my kamioshi. He’s also the only one in the snapshot above (for August) that’s fanart, as the rest are OCs.

Goals

2023 Goals:

Fully write Act 2 of Canvas Menagerie: Canvas Menagerie is currently split up into 3 acts, around 50k words long for each act. I was able to finish the first draft for Act 2 in October! It ended up being much shorter than I estimated, but that’s how things go sometimes.

Release demo for Lost Lune: …Well, this kinda happened but not really. I wanted to release a longer demo for Lost Lune as the current playable build is more like a teaser—it’s very short and only features 2 out of an estimated 20~ days. I did however end up reprogramming the playable build, changing the main character from a side sprite to being on screen with several other visual changes. I’m much happier with this direction for the game.

Write more consistent devlogs: This also didn’t really happen as my intention was to write an article a month, but with our physicals Kickstarter earlier this year, other things took higher priority. I also realized pretty early on in the year that I’m tired of writing about social media algorithms and want to write about more interesting game dev and marketing topics, like case studies and such.

Open a merch shop: This was the first goal I accomplished this year! It was also the easiest since it was already mostly set up. You can see the merch shop for my games here—I think it’s pretty cute.

2024 Goals:

Fully write Act 3 of Canvas Menagerie: Self-explanatory. I want to get to a first draft state for all of CM. I doubt I’ll be able to finish the game next year unless I get a whirlwind of inspiration as it still needs around 40-50k words, 25+ CGs, 5+ character sprites and more, but we’ll see how far I get.

Write more of Lost Lune: I was able to write over 10k this year for Lost Lune while working on other stuff and in 2024 I want to get close to finishing the script if not finishing it.

Release the full version & an artbook for Asphodelium: Due to getting sick at the end of December, I wasn’t able to fully release Asphodelium. It’s pretty close to being done so it shouldn’t take long to finish it. I also want to release a (digital) artbook for it, as I have a lot of design notes for the LI. It’s also been quite a while since I released an artbook so I want to try making one again.

Go to an out-of-town convention: All my life, I’ve only ever attended the anime conventions in the Memphis area. Despite Memphis being a big city, the conventions here…aren’t really ran by people who want to expand it or even really change anything, so for the past decade it’s been in stagnation. At Studio Élan we’re boothing at more conventions this year, and I want to help! I’m hoping to go to Offkai Expo this summer.

Share more VNs I like: Thanks to rejoining Tumblr in late 2022, I’ve become more acquainted with visual novel players over there and I want to talk more about visual novels that I play. There’s a lot of great games out there that people just don’t hear about, so I want to talk about VNs more.

I feel like in 2023 I was starting to find my “thing”—I really like talking about VNs and I want to share unheard of and underrepresented developers to others! I’ve become bored of making generic marketing articles but I’ve found joy in making posts in collaboration with other devs or sharing other VNs.

2024 is a bit of a scary year and has me rather nervous, but I hope we’ll all make it through it. I want to finish some of the stuff I’ve began and I want to share more lesser known visual novels.

I hope this year will be better for us all. Until next time!

— Arimia

#visual novel #my games #my art #Youtube

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halliescomut · 2 years ago

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Faux Incest in BLs

So the title is quite clickbait-y, but I couldn't resist. I just wanted to kind of talk about it because I started rewatching Cherry Blossom After Winter again, and this is a major part of that story. Faux Incest is actually a surprisingly common trope in BLs and I see a lot of criticism in relation to it. For me specifically, I think it comes down to the portrayal and context.

I will say I specifically despise the accusation of incest, when the story makes it clear there's no blood relation happening. But in fairness I also dislike when the twist is they weren't actually blood related, but thought they were when they started their romantic relationship.

Now I haven't seen every BL (sadly) and I can really only speak about ones I have, but if you have encountered this trope outside of these shows, then please tell me, so I can add to my thesis. I know that faux incest is a common trope everywhere kind of. It's very 'shocking' and 'forbidden' to do step sibling or adopted sibling romance storylines, and you see them in straight media all the time too. Classic #1 example: Clueless. But back to BLs. Specifically the ones that come to mind are Cherry Blossoms After Winter (which is what started this), KinnPorsche, HIStory 4: Close to You, and TharnType.

I'm going to start with portrayal and when I hit a bit of an ick wall with Xing Se and Yong Jie. In HIStory 4: CTY, you have Xing Se and Yong Je, who are step brothers who were raised together as brothers, and there's a sizable age difference for the characters. I would have to speedrun the series to give you exact numbers, but I think it's somewhere around 8-9 years. They seem to have been a family since Yong Jie was fairly young, I think probably 7-9. Yong Je's feelings for his older stepbrother seem to begin when he's around 12 or 13 I think, and are related to Xing Se being a pretty kind and attentive older sibling. We don't get a lot of information on their relationship once Xing Se moves out of his parents home, but it seems implied that he's not a frequent visitor, but also doesn't avoid seeing his family. There's indication that while Xing Se is 'out' in general, he is not out to his family, and the stress of frequent interaction is what keeps his visits brief and more sporadic. Yong Jie becomes fairly obsessed with Xing Se, and there's all kinds of reasons you can read into why. The obvious are that Xing Se is very confident and personable, while Yong Jie seems to struggle with interpersonal communication. (I find Yong Jie to be pretty strongly autistic-coded, which I hate because it is very negative representation). Xing Se being out, even if not to their parents and that implied freedom is another basis for adoration. In addition to social confidence, Xing Se is someone presented as having excelled academically, which Yong Jie, while not unintelligent, seems to struggle with. In general it's all of the basic idolization of older sibling ideas, but with the addition of Yong Jie recognizing a sexual attraction as well, and that developing into something pretty obsessive. My ick wall is hit of course with the inciting incident of their relationship, which is Yong Jie purposefully getting Xing Se drunk and raping him, as well as recording it. Without that plot point, I don't know that there ever becomes a relationship, but to be honest, them having lived apart for several years, specifically formative years for Yong Jie, I don't know that I would have been particularly disturbed by Yong Jie as a 20 year old man confessing his feelings to Xing Se. And that's based off the fact that at best, Xing Se was recognizing and living with Yong Jie as a sibling for maybe a quarter of his life? Like, would it certainly be an adjustment for Xing Se? 100%, but it's possible, but not likely. As the story stands in how it's told, I feel like Xing Se accepts a romantic relationship with Yong Jie kinda because "well I already fucked him, so...*shrug*". Like they could have a good and interesting relationship and dynamic, but I think Xing Se's feelings of responsibility to his family and his reluctance to 'rock the boat' any more than it's already been rocked kind of take away a lot of the agency in his decision. VERY long story short, for these two--It's a no for me, but it's more because of the sexual assault and coercion than anything else.

KinnPorsche is gonna have the shortest paragraph...because these two dudes weren't biologically related in any way, and didn't meet each other until they were adults. They weren't overcoming familial feelings. People just seem to like to throw the incest label at them because. Even with the adoption of Nampheung into the Theerapanyakul family, we don't know if that's legal or emotional, because the reality is we can trust Korn as far as Chay could throw him. And since Nampheung completely removed herself from the family as an adult, there's really only the familial connection in Korn's head, which is more related to his desire to control the pawns in his little chess game than actual human affection. Bottomline: KinnPorsche barely counts in the category and while they, like many others struggle with the concept of consent, I don't have an overall issue with their romantic relationship.

The couple I'm referencing from TharnType is Tum and Tar, and they are honestly barely a secondary couple, and you could almost categorize their characters as tertiary in the story. We do know that they become a couple in the MAME-verse, it's just not fully depicted in the TharnType series. Since we have yet to see their full romance, some things may change, but based on the information we do have, this is a less problematic situation to me than Xing Se and Yong Jie, specifically because of their ages and living situation. They have about a two year age difference, and their parents get married when Tum is 18 and Tar is 16, and that's when they start living together as a family. That time together is pretty brief as Tar goes to study abroad and Tum goes to university, so the reality is they spend very little time living as siblings. Both develop feelings for the other, which they hide, which is another aspect that makes the situation a little less ick on my part. They're both old enough to know their own minds, and it's mutual, which I like a bit better than one character confessing and the other going 'yeah alright, why not?'. So, as the story stands now, barring any egregious consent issues, I'd have no issue with Tum and Tar.

Now we're gonna talk about Cherry Blossoms After Winter. You'd think I'd have a bit of an issue with Hae Bom and Tae Seong. While they are definitely not blood related, as Hae Bom was adopted by Tae Seong's mother when he was about 7, and he and Tae Seong are the same age. They've lived together for 9 or so years like siblings, except it doesn't seem like they developed any sort of familial affection for each other. When they're introduced, you learn that even though they were in the same grade, they never shared classes. They never hung out really. Like they were essentially roommates who shared a house, and occasionally saw each other in the kitchen. That's the vibe you get from their relationship. I'd say the closest thing we have to sibling behavior is Tae Yeong beating up Hae Bom's bully, which does give very 'only I can terrorize my sibling' vibes, except Tae Yeong doesn't terrorize Hae Bom, he just ignores him. Now there is some resistance on Hae Bom's part over the transition from their previous relationship (however you would categorize it) to a romantic one. But that's not based on it being taboo because they're 'related' but based around the fear that Tae Yeong's mother would not approve (it's inferred that the issue is the gayness, not the perceived familial relationship), and the possibility of Hae Bom losing another maternal figure. In all honesty, if you change the set-up to them being neighbors, Hae Bom with only his father, and Tae Yeong with his mother, and Hae Bom becoming a frequent presence in Tae Yeong's house because his mother also becomes a maternal figure to Hae Bom...could practically have the same story without the faux incest.

As a final point, the 'taboo' state of incest at large is based around the fact that we know it causes negative reproductive repercussions. So, in the context of romantic relationships that can't result in naturally conceived offspring does it really matter if there's a familial relationship? Additionally, with faux incest when there's no blood relation, whether conceiving offspring is possible or not, is that equally as taboo? For me, to be entirely honest, the issues come around with the consideration of possibilities for abuse and assault. Do I technically care if two step siblings decide they have the hots for each other as adults and act on it? No. But the presence of assault, grooming behaviors, coercion, or abuse of power would certainly change my opinion, as it really should regardless of any other information.

Well, I guess I just wrote 1500 words about perceived incest. If you have thoughts let me know.

#Cherry Blossom After Winter #HIStory 4: Close to You #TharnType the series #KinnPorsche the series #Tae Yeong x Hae Bom #kinnporsche #tum x tar #xing se X yong jie #BL drama #i dunno y'all

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geminiamethyst · 1 year ago

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Skyline Gang: Trial of Darkness. Chapter 7

Chapter 1: click HERE

Chapter 6: click HERE

Chapter 8: click HERE

A week had gone by and things have run somewhat smoothly.

True to what Dude requested, their first show was put together quite quickly. Beside The Sea became quite a hit. There were only a couple of issues. One was that everyone aside from Mimi weren’t used to being on stage and performing. Sprout was somewhat okay, but since he never had a chance to perform in front of an audience before, he was still a little shaky. In all honesty, everyone else felt lucky about the fact that they can sing at all. Thankfully, since the public understood that the new Skyline Gang only did their first show, they weren’t too upset about any fumbles. Maybe it was from experience that they got from the old Skyline Gang.

One thing that most people had an issue with was Misty just appearing out of nowhere. The way that they introduced her was almost the same way that she manifested. They even made a prop of the spell book and everything. It created a bit of an uproar. When the first show was finished, some of the adults went into a rant right in the Gang’s faces. Each angry shout held the same message. The haters didn’t want Misty there, not when no one else had the chance to join the Gang. One even tried throwing a drink at them, but was stopped when security was called forth.

Despite the hate though, Misty was still welcomed in. Even the kids took a shine to her. She started to come out as her own character even more. She truly showed off how much of an opposite she was to Candi. While Candi was sweet and openly welcomed any hug, while Misty was rude and pushed away any hug given to her. Candi would be willing to help, while Misty played tricks on everyone, calling herself a mischief. It suited her well. No matter how much they tried to keep a tight rein on her, Misty just ran circles around the Gang and Redcoats, even Dude sometimes had trouble keeping up with her. They try to be patient with her, but it’ll take one bad day and then she’ll be in a lot of trouble.

The only blessing that Misty brought was that she stayed in her room when it came to sleep. Sometimes the Gang would hear her moving around or muttering to herself. Turned out she’s not an easy sleeper. The others offered to help her, but she turned down every offer. She sleeps eventually, just like everyone else. This night was no different. Each member of the Gang settled down into their beds. The day was long and tiring, offering a peaceful sleep. And a peaceful sleep they had received. Dude however, didn’t. He was in a tangled mess of his bed sheets, tossing and turning uncontrollably. His voice was breathless, coming out in various forms of whimpering and gasping. Sweat poured from his forehead, soaking his hair and pillow. He was trapped in his sleep. His fearful subconsciousness plagued his entire being.

This intense cold.

Darkness swarming around.

His feet not touching the ground.

A tightening, threatening, sensation around his throat.

Grey skin.

Blue eyes.

Black hair.

Long fingers and fingernails.

A voice that rivalled the harshest of winters.

“I’m not done!”

Dude sat bolt upright. There was a steam hammer in his chest. His skull felt like it was going to split open. Blood rushing through his body so fast, it threatened to liquify him. Vision blurry, the task of focusing became impossible. The cold air wrapping around Dude like a blanket.

Cold? What was it so cold?!

His window was open by a crack, but it shouldn’t be that cold.

Heart still pounding, Dude’s eyes finally focused. The darkness around him became clear. His room seemed dark navy blue at night, the sports posters on his walls were dull. Nothing seemed that out of place, except for one corner on the room. Why was it so black. That corner was empty, there shouldn’t be anything there. There was this tall, intimidating figure, their eyes piercing through the darkness.

“Hello, pipsqueak.”

That voice!

Grey skin!

Blue eyes!

Black hair!

Long fingers and fingernails!

Dawn?!

No!

It can’t be her! She’s gone! She’s gone! They all saw it! She disintegrated right before their eyes!

Dude didn’t know what else to do. He just twisted his body to switch on the bedside lamp. He looked back at the darkened spot in the room. Dawn was gone. Not a speck of her and her darkness lingered. The room didn’t even feel cold anymore. Just…a hallucination, right? Dawn never needed to be brought up. She hadn’t been spoken of since she was vanquished. No one would speak about her. She was just a memory now. A memory that was doomed to be forgotten, with all of the questions still surrounding her. Even Misty didn’t know much about her. She heard the stories about her from the Gang, but nothing more. Even then, she never brought up Dawn at all. Not even a question. Dawn was being forgotten.

So why? Why have a nightmare about her now?!

Artwork is mine. I HATE DRAWING HANDS!

#skyline gang #skyline gang butlins #skyline gang fanfic

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katsukikitten · 3 years ago

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Synopsis: Being assigned to the ever quiet Todoroki Shouto as partners on a project for college was not an easy feat. Many days in the cold library were spent with you nodding off with your head falling towards his warm shoulder. As the months pass he slowly begins to open up and offers his bed for late night cuddling when the winter months become too harsh after he figured out your quick made you susceptible to the cold. But when his friend Denki makes a comment about the two of you, can you remain just friends or will those pretty eyes make Shouto hungry for more?

Warnings: Spitting, ass play/anal, the reg sex, choking (psure thats a requirement for my fics now), smutty filth, reader is 24 and Shouto is 25 by a few months

A/N & Word Count: Nobody talk to me while I go through my Sho phase. Just look at how good he looks in this gif. 2191

You were supposed to just be partners on some stupid project for this mandatory college class. Supposed to just be friends who you sometimes cuddled because your quirk suffered from cold and Shouto was a willing and warm body.

He never complained when you fell asleep on him or curled into his side. Cold feet pressing against his bare powerful thighs.

But tonight was different.

Tonight all Shouto can think about is what Denki had said "I dunno man, friends don't cuddle like that."

Your hand over his bare stomach, resting just above the hem of his sweatpants, your nose pressed into his throat as your breath fans over his skin. Sending an onslaught of goose flesh across his arms.

It all happened so fast. He has said your name and when you peered up at him with sleepy doe eyes he kissed you and you kissed right back. Deep inside him something stirred and broke free. Feelings he couldn't understand as he lost his breath kissing you, palms searing hot and cold as he let his tongue explore your mouth. His hot hand sliding down your spine to grab a handful of your ass. Letting his fingers slip between your thighs to feel your slick soaking through your leggings.

He growled, something you didn't even know Shoto could do before he roughly moved you to his will. Pulling you to the edge of the bed to keep your feet planted on the floor while it supported your weight. Pushing your leggings down over the curve of your ass, hand on your lower back to force you to arch. He watched your glistening folds with need, with a hunger he didn't know he had. Shoving his fingers into you roughly and acting out what he'd soon be doing to you. Thumbing your clit until you were moaning his name into the mattress and soaking his digits.

Until he couldn't take it anymore and he sheathed his cock in your tight heat.

See the thing is, you wouldn't mind being friends with benefits with Todoroki Shoto but the way he was dicking you down right now was going to make it difficult.

He was doing this thing most guys didn't. Not that all sex you had was bad, it was great, but no one moved their hips like he did. You weren't even sure you could describe it aside from the fact that he would go slow, angeling his hips as he rolled into your greedy cunt. He was literally fucking the thoughts out of your had. His cockhead hitting the spongy spot inside you making you writhing beneath him. His tight grip on your hips, moved to your hair, pulling your head towards him to force that pretty body to arc like art as his other hand went to your shoulder.

And then slide to gently squeeze your throat.

Fuck, he was fucking you like a whore but the soft caress of your throat made you dizzy. Made him more than friends with benefits material and you could feel yourself slipping into ecstasy over and over as he fucked your sloppy wet cunt into oblivion. The type of fuck that made you stupid for hours after, the kind that made you imagine making him lunches and dinners. Of tending to a home you shared as he made a better world for the child in your swollen belly. The flashes of your pretend future are tossed away when your vision begins to blur, eyes rolling in the back of your head as you whine. Gripping at the sheets with tear stained cheeks.

You can only say his name as your eyes roll into your head as he has his way with you. So slow and her not too slow. Speeding up when he feels you pulsing around him tightly before you release, body shaking and melting around him.

It's addicting.

Your cunt is making it hard for him to offer a friends with benefits. The way your skin feels beneath his palms. The way you smell and how it lingers on his sheets. How every night when you thought he was asleep, after you crawled through the window to warm up against him like a stray cat you'd press your lips to his throat.

To his pulse point and sigh deeply. "Sho warm." Before falling into a deep sleep.

And now that he was buried deeply in you he needed all of you. Driven mad by how you feel trying to milk him, pulling him back in with each Earth shattering high you feel. The hand on your hair let go as he slides down your spine, moving your ass cheek so he can see your tight rim convulse. Watch the creamy rings you leave on the base of his cock. He presses his thumb against the tight muscle.

"What about here sweetheart? Can I study here?" It's the first time he's spoken since kissing you. Everything else has been a growl or groan coming from him.

"Ye-yes." Your rasp before his other hand leaves your throat with a gentle squeeze. He spits and the sound sends a shiver down your spine as the cool sensation mixes with your heat. He keeps the same steady pace as his thumb swirls your rim, pushing in and out to the first knuckle as you enjoy the burn. The sensation of feeling full has your hips bucking backward. Shouto decides he likes the sight of you swallowing him up so much that he just has to fuck your cute little ass. He withdraws from your cunt with a lewd squelch before he presses the tip against the tight muscle and when you shake beneath him he runs an icy hand down your spine.

You shudder before he follows with a warm trail or fingers.

"You can handle it right? It will only hurt for a few moments." He leans over and kisses your back. Nipping here and there before pressing long, gentle kisses that make your heart flutter, "I promise I'll finish in your tight cunt, and I'll change the condom too, okay?"

You nod and Shouto gets a bit of the devil in him as he tests something out. Suddenly his hand is at your throat. His palm is hot, way too hot around your tender skin as he growls out.

"Use your words, kitten." Palm warmer still as he threatens to brand you. The thought of it paired with the cute nickname has your pussy gushing, "Now tell me you understand."

"Y-yes Shoto sama. I understand."

"That's my girl." He pushes in with no mercy. His other hand goes to your shoulder for leverage as he again rolls his hips in such a way that the burning sensation quickly ebbs to white hot pleasure. He hits something in you you can't explain with each roll of his hips. Fucking you hard and at that deadly pace has you squirming. Gasping for air before you shout.

"I'm gonna cum Sho. Please." It's choked out at the end, almost like a sob and the sound is almost enough to send Shoto over the edge but he can't. Not yet.

"Then cum for me, pretty kitten." He pants and so you do. You aren't sure how many times you've come tonight, you were nowhere near smart enough to count as you greedily took what Shouto gave you.

After you're reduced to nothing more than whines and gasps, Shouto withdraws from your tight ass. Liking the quivering gape he leaves behind before he rips off the condom, reaching in the side drawer for another when you whine out.

"No, sama I want to feel you cum in me." You look over your shoulder, body melting into his sheets. Sweat, tears and arousal make your skin glow in the moonlight and it's then Shouto realizes he'll never be able to tell you no again.

"You're sure…" He's hesitant, holding his bare cock in his hand as he waits for your to affirm. You nod your head and before he can scold you add.

"Please Sama. Need you." Wiggling your hips and he smiles. Prodding through your glistening folds to coat himself in your dripping cum. You're so sensitive when the head hits your clit. Crying out his name as if he were your god.

Damn if you didn't make him feel like one, especially as you molded yourself to him. The only kind of worship he needed. Anything else you gave him would be a bonus.

He grabs onto where your shoulder and throat meet, fingers gently pressing into tender meat before his other hand grabs a hold of your hair. Pulling it towards him and there's that arc again. His cock snuggly pressed against your cervix has you seeing stars. Has you so drunk it's as if you're speaking in tongues as his hips roll into you. Faster and faster still as you shake beneath him, cunt pulling him in deeper and deeper. He gets rougher, the grip on you tighter before he drops your hair and shoulder to grab onto your hips. Holding them up in the air as you fuse with the sheets, drooling as he chases his own high.

"Fuck, my little kitten. Fuck." He's panting out of breath and so far from his usual composed self, "Only you make me like this."

His hips stutter into a sloppy pace before his dick twitches in your pretty pussy. Coating your walls in hot sticky ropes before he presses himself all the way in, making you feel so good, so fucking full. Both of you are covered in a sheen of sweat, sticking to one another as you bask in the afterglow of it all.

After a moment or two he starts to catch his breath. Moving his hands away from your hips and he sees bruises and skin marred from extreme temperatures in the shape of his hands.

"Awh Kitten…" He says softly, "Why didn't you tell me I was hurting you?"

He flips you over and pulls you into a sitting position before he picks you up Princess style.

"You weren't….it didn't hurt at the time Shoto sama…"

"You don't have to keep calling me that." He presses a soft kiss to your hairline, and before he can add just during sex you pipe up.

"But I like it." You wrap your arms around his neck and put your face into the crook of his throat. It makes his heart swell as he realizes again just how hard being friends with benefits would be for the two of you.

You had a crush on someone else and so did he.

At least that's what he thought until Denki opened his mouth.

Now Shouto knew he wasn't going to want anyone else but you. His cute little stray who wanders in at night looking for him.

Only him

He stands in the shower holding you under the hot stream before he gently places your feet on the floor. Keeping you steady before he reaches for his body wash. Slowly he washes the sweat from your skin, careful around your new marks that will thankfully go away in a week or two with proper care. When he's satisfied that you're well taken care of he washes himself, keeping you on your feet as you sway. Once he's done he shuts off the water and towels you off first. Taking his time to get every part of you clean and dry before he goes over himself. Grabbing the burn and frostbite salv from the medicine cabinet before he cares you back to bed. He puts you on your back as he stands between your legs. You try not to get aroused again as you watch his abs and arms flex as he moves. Gently he leans over and places a kiss on each hand print before he dabs the medicine in, carefully rubbing soothing circles. You sigh as the tingling numbness sets in on the marks, moving more onto the bed so he can climb in under the comforter.

He pulls you to him, to his warm side, fluffing the blanket over you just so and even tucking it into your back as best he can with one hand. You press your nose into your favorite spot. Sighing out blissfully.

"Sho warm." Before your breath fans over him and it makes his heart squeeze so tightly in his chest.

He won't be able to do this again without wanting to worship your body as you fucking deserve. He says your name like he did earlier tonight. Soft and with a hint of need and you look up at him with sleepy doe eyes.

"Do you want to be…" He trails off, debating. Should he say girlfriend? Should he say fuck buddy? You both were way too busy to be anything more. But before he can spiral in silent thought you add

"Your girlfriend? Your pretty little kitten?" You smile at him before pressing your hand to his cheek, turning his mouth towards yours before you place the softest kiss to his lips.

"I'd love that Shoto-sama."

#todoroki shouto x reader #shoto x reader #shouto x reader #todoroki x reader #shoto smut

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letsrilakkusu-blog · 2 years ago

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An ode to Given

A few days ago the internet collectively freaked out - myself included - when it was announced that the next chapter of Given would be the final chapter, ending its 10-year run. I'm honestly still in shock and while I'm trying to stay optimistic that maybe the big announcement that's coming with the final chapter will involve some kind of sequel, a second season of the anime seems more likely. It's difficult coming to terms with the fact that I may have to say goodbye to a series that I love so much, and with an ending that I most likely will not find satisfying. Regardless, Given has taken up a huge space in my heart for the past two years and I just wanted to write about how I found it, my experience with it, and what it means to me.

I've enjoyed manga and anime ever since I was in middle school, but toward the end of college I got too busy to keep up. Fast forward to years later in 2020, I was stuck at home during the pandemic and decided to dive back in. After rewatching a BL anime that I really liked in high school, Given came up as a suggested series. A quick Google search told me that it was a great romance story between boys in a band, cool.

The first episode starts with Mafuyu's melancholy monologue about the dream he keeps on having and I see right off the bat that I've signed up for a bit more than a cute love story with music. Then the opening song Kizuato hits and I'm totally captivated. It's probably one of my favorite opening sequences and truly captures the feel of the series with its hard-hitting instrumentals, Cenmilli's emotional vocals, and the moody art.

The series pace is on the slower side but there was enough drama and intrigue to keep pulling me in, and it's full of comedic gold. And then... episode 9, A Winter Story. It shook me to my core, everything about it was absolutely amazing. Ue's talk with Mafuyu before the show where he admits that even he doesn't know what he is doing or how to express himself, all he knows is that he loves Mafuyu's sound. The song itself, interspersed with flashbacks of Mafuyu and Yuki's relationship and Mafuyu's monologue (his "I'm lonely" is truly devastating, major props to Yano Shogo). THE KISS. A genuine surprise, so quick and so gentle from inexperienced Ue. I had to watch the episode twice because it left me in complete awe and I needed to experience it again. Then episodes 10-11 were the perfect wind-down with a lot of cute and legendary moments, aka Ue experiencing increasing levels of gay panic. The series became an instant favorite and I rewatched it immediately. I can't find the words to properly express what it did to me but it just made me feel so many things, things I don't think I've felt for a long time. I couldn't shake it.

After that, I was still hungry for more Given so I read the manga, which is a totally different and wonderful experience. The art is beautiful, and the way Kizu-sensei portrays emotions through the characters' facial expressions is unparalleled. Soon after that, the movie came to Crunchyroll, and I've been keeping up with the series in every form since. I read the chapters as they come out bi-monthly. I watched the drama adaptation (not great but not the worst I've seen). I watched the OVA many times (my favorite, all the precious RitsuMafu moments I was missing from the movie). I splurged on a second-hand DVD set of the stage play (really well done). I even watched the anime dub (tolerable), and I hate dubs. Rereading and rewatching the series are routine. Safe to say, it's consumed me for two years and the flame has not died down one bit.

Lots of fans joke about referring to Given as our comfort series when it actually hits on a lot of heavy topics and has eviscerated our emotions on more than one occasion. But it truly is my comfort place. Just as I had finished watching the anime for the first time, I lost a very close friend to illness. This friend was a fellow anime/manga enthusiast and was probably the one who introduced me to the world of BL. Although she didn't watch Given, I like to think that it could have been something we would have enjoyed together if we had the time. And although the circumstances are different, I could relate to Mafuyu prematurely losing an important person in his life. Because the story is equal parts pain and healing, Given kind of provided me with a space where I could dump all of the emotions I was experiencing, whether they were happy or sad. It taught me about loss, grief, and above all, the way music and love can heal the wounds that these things have left behind.

I also have to speak separately about the music of Given, it's just so well done, with so much care and attention to detail. You can tell that Cenmilli worked closely with Kizu-sensei or really dived into the source material when working on the music. Every song created for the series relates very clearly to an event or element of the story. I could write praises upon praises for all of them, but some of my favorites include:

Fuyu no Hanashi, for obvious reasons. Yano Shogo's raw vocals are haunting and the guitar riffs are insanely cool. The way the lyrics change from Mafuyu being stuck and unable to say goodbye in the first chorus, to finally moving forward despite that in the last chorus, show that he's getting the closure he needed.

Kizuato - The lyrics perfectly express the series' tagline "can't say goodbye, I'm still drifting with your echoes." And the pre-chorus is so, so good.

Hetakuso - A simple but insanely sweet song that is definitely Mafuyu's response to Ue's admission that he is bad at expressing himself. I squealed when I saw the lyrics mention "covered by the heat of summer" and "not being afraid of the next winter" in reference to the two of them.

Bokura dake no Shudaika - As I read the lyrics, I can't tell if the song is referencing Akihiko and Ugetsu's relationship or Akihiko and Haruki's (maybe it's both), but I actually like that ambiguity. I also love how it beautifully incorporates the violin as a salute to Aki and Ugetsu.

Uragawa no Sonzai - I know Mafuyu is singing the song but I like to think of it from Ue's perspective. He is aware that there is a side to Mafuyu that he doesn't know, his past, a time when he cried, a person he cried over. But he embraces this "existence on the other side" as a precious part of the person he loves and vows that he will fill up for what the other is lacking, and vice versa. I'm crying.

Now that the series is coming to an end, I don't know what I'll do with myself. If it's truly ending for good, I do have my complaints, but I'll save that for another time. No matter what though, Given is solidified as one of my top anime/manga series of all time, and I'm sure I'll keep revisiting it over the years even after it's finished. It's given me so much - joy (RitsuMafu soft moments are my serotonin), sorrow (Strawberry Swing, anyone?), laughs (too many to count), and some of my favorite music - and for that, I'm incredibly thankful.

#given #given manga #given anime #kizu natsuki

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iguessitsjustme · 3 years ago

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BL ~ Drama Asks

Still home sick and bored so why not. Thanks to @pose4photoml for tagging me

1. If you had to watch one drama forever what would it be?

I’m taking this to mean that I can only watch this one drama and nothing else and it might surprise people but my answer isn’t a BL. It’s Vincenzo. I love that show. But since this is a BL asks game, I’ll also choose a BL for this...I’m gonna say Old Fashion Cupcake. It’s short but it hit all of my sweet spots (no pun intended) and I can’t see myself ever growing tired of it.

2. If you could change the ending of a drama which one would it be?

Just one drama? How about two? My Gear and Your Gown and Enchante. MGAYG could have been so good, it just needed to be tightened up a bit and not throw in that random drama at the end. And Enchante was so very good until that ending.

3. Name your favorite drama and tell who your favorite character was.

My favorite drama? Probably A Tale of A Thousand Stars and my favorite character was definitely Tian.

4. Name a drama you dropped within the first few episodes ~ we all have at least one!

I literally just dropped Check Out after 2 episodes. I’m not saying I’ll never finish it but I hated Nine so much I just couldn’t and then I kept hearing that it doesn’t really get better.

5. Name a popular drama you've never watched and why?

I Told Sunset About You. I KNOW it’s good okay. I know it is. It just feels too real and I simply don’t want something that real. At least not right now. I will probably watch it eventually, just not any time soon.

6. Name a drama you regret watching.

So I binged Hong Kong’s version of Ossan’s Love and then I immediately binged Japan’s version and I would not recommend anyone do this ever. It did weird things to my brain. It’s the same exact show but one is slightly more exaggerated (HK) and one is ever so slightly more serious (Japan). It’s a fine show just...don’t do what I did.

7. Name a drama you thought you’d never watch but did and did you end up liking it?

Cherry Blossoms After Winter. I’m normally not a fan of the stepbrothers trope and was going to not watch this, but I heard that it was actually cute and decided to give it a try and I am so glad I did. It is just genuinely one of the most wholesome and soft shows I’ve ever seen.

Also Secret Crush On You. I was very concerned about the stalker angle after reading the MDL summary but it started airing when I didn’t have a lot else to watch so I gave it a try and it ended up becoming one of my favorite shows ever.

8. Name a pairing you want to see?

MacauChay. Also HinTum from Lovely Writer. I was happy to get bi representation with Tiffy but then I ended up hating her because she just decided that Tum was gay for reasons I can’t even fathom.

9. Name a pairing you didn’t think had chemistry?

YuThanu. What even were they? They seemed like they were both from different alien species trying to convince the other one they were human and definitely wanted this relationship, yes, they definitely wanted it. I have more chemistry with the 30 pairs of socks I found on the ground by the dumpster than these two had with each other.

10. Name a pairing you have seen in another drama that you like?

I’m guessing this means a pairing that’s in multiple shows that I like? I don’t actually have an answer for this. If it’s about the actors, then I’m not really a big fan of pairing actors together and basically making them a set. If it’s about characters, then I’d honestly rather only see the pairing in one show because otherwise that means there’s a second season and I do not trust second seasons.

I’m not going to tag anyone today, but if you want to do this, please go ahead. Just tag me in it so I can see your answers.

#bl tag game #i don't even know what shows i answered so i'm not gonna tag them because i cannot even bring myself to reread what i wrote

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cjblthoughts · 2 years ago

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BL series available on GagaOOLala Part 1

About Youth

high school setting, friends to lovers, opposites attract, cute & fluffy

Current MDL rating: 8/10

8 episodes, Taiwanese, released in 2022

War of Y

anthology, multiple couples, work place romance, entertainment industry

Current MDL rating: 7.8/10

20 episodes, Thai, released 2022

Takara-kun &(/to) Amagi-kun

high school setting, opposites attract, secret relationship

Current MDL rating: 7.9/10

8 episodes, Japanese, released in 2022

Minato's Laundromat

age difference, high school student hitting on adult, persistent character

Current MDL rating: 7.9/10

12 episodes, Japanese, released in 2022

Unforgotten Night

mafia, one night stand, age gap, bdsm

Current MDL rating: 6.8/10

12 episodes, Thai, released in 2022

Senpai, This Can't be Love!

workplace romance, awkwardness

Current MDL rating: 7.3/10

8 episodes, Japanese, released in 2022

Love Class

university setting, senior/junior relationship, forced to work together

Current MDL rating: 7.5/10

6 episodes, South Korean, released in 2022

Mr. Unlucky Has No Choice but to Kiss

university setting, unlucky/lucky character

Current MDL rating: 7.8/10

8 episodes, Japanese, released in 2022

Meow Ears Up!

cat hybrid, cohabitation, meet again, close sibling relationship

Current MDL rating: 7.2/10

8 episodes, Thai, released in 2022

Plus & Minus

secret crush, friends to lovers

Current MDL rating: 7.9/10

12 episodes, Taiwanese, released in 2022

A Man Who Defies the World of BL

comedy, parody, university setting

Current MDL rating: 8.1/10

4 episodes, Japanese, released in 2021

The Love of Winter

vacation romance, sweet and simple

Current MDL rating: 7.2/10

2 episodes, Thai, released in 2022

DNA Says Love You

friends to lovers, meet again, mystery

Current MDL rating: 7.8/10

12 episodes, Taiwanese, released in 2022

La Cuisine

university setting, chef/picky eater, crush

Current MDL rating: 7.1/10

13 episodes, Thai, released in 2022

My Ride

slow burn, cute romance, stragers to friends to lovers

Current MDL rating: 7.8/10

10 episodes, Thai, released in 2022

Our Days

university setting, drunk kiss, love triangle

Current MDL rating: 7.2/10

12 episodes, Thai, released in 2022

Don't Say No

friends to lovers, blackmail, obsession

Current MDL rating: 7.7/10

12 episodes, Thai, released in 2022

The Tuxedo

enemies to lovers, childhood trauma, short and sweet

Current MDL rating: 7/10 (re-edit 7.7/10)

8 episodes, Thai, released in 2022

In Your Heart

secret crush, friends to lovers

Current MDL rating: 6.4/10

8 episodes, Chinese, released in 2022

Every Moment That I Think of You

high school setting, pen pals, opposites attract

Current MDL rating: 7.3/10

2 episodes, Chinese, released in 2021

Part 2 coming soon!

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jinpanman · 4 years ago

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All I Want Is You(ngi)

pairing: yoongi x reader

wc: 2.5k

genre: pg15, fluff, established relationship

warnings: alcohol consumption

summary: Yoongi takes his baby out to sing karaoke the night before Christmas with the two Seoks. It’s a riot with drunken caroling (read: hollering) but he's so in love that he doesn't care.

a/n: My part of the SNOWLLAB with a super lovely bunch. Pls do yoself a favor and read everyone’s stories when they drop cause I promis it’ll be amazing. <3 A big thank you to Willow for pulling this crew together. A big thank you to Willow for the prompt inspo. A big thank you to Willow for creating the banner. A big thank you to Willow for beta reading my lil story and fixing up all the lil pieces and praising me….. So basically this is one big love letter to Willow. Thanks for being the best and most amazing little holibean 💙💚

sequel: Will You(ngi) Marry Me?

Here he is now, currently regretting his inability to ever say no to your whims as he watches you skip with a couple of slips and twisted ankles along the way to the front of the small darkened room and snatch the mic off its stand. You’re bent over the karaoke machine, clumsily swiping the screen to find the song you want. After several more swipes, you squeal excitedly... and then he hears it. The reason for your excitement. The all too familiar jingling of church and sleigh bells elicits an embarrassed groan from him. You turn to face your small audience and after taking an unreasonably deep breath, you close your eyes and sing.

“I… don’t want a lot for Christmas. There is just one thing I need…”

“Sing it girl!” Hoseok cheers, thrusting a newly opened glass bottle into the air.

“Aaall I want for Christmas…”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT Y/N?!” Hoseok shrieks over the music.

“...iiiiiiss YOOOOUU...NGIII!!!” You hunch over to belt out the last note and your hair falls over your face but he doesn’t need to see you to know your features are scrunched up in order to sing past your lung capacity.

Yoongi very much wants to curl in the corner to hide from your unabashed love, but alas you, Hoseok, and Seokjin would never let him live it down, so instead he sits there trying (and failing) to fight the shy smile that overtakes his features. Even as the music grows louder, Yoongi can hear Seokjin laughing and slapping Hoseok’s thighs on the other side of the booth.

Oh god. It was a bad idea. He knew it was a bad idea to have agreed to go out to karaoke with Seokjin and Hoseok, but you had begged and begged him and he was but a weak man when it came to you.

“I should have remembered it’s never a normal holiday with this crew.” He moans into his hands.

A hand roughly pats him on his shoulder. He peeks through his fingers to the portrait of a grinning Jin, now beside him. The man extends an unopened bottle of alcohol out to him.

“You sure you don’t want a drink, man? I know you drove but I don't mind chauffeuring you both home and taking a cab from there.”

“Nah, I’m good. We can’t both be stupid drunk when we get home. We might burn the house down then you’d have to waste even more money to come collect our bodies.”

Jin snorts at his remark. “Touché.”

The two of them lay back against the bench cushion and watch with horrified amusement as a wobbly Hoseok makes his way to you. The rambunctious (and very buzzed) duo up on the little stage drop to their knees and Yoongi balks at the way the two of you obscenely shake your butts to the very cheery tune of Mariah Carey’s biggest holiday hit. Sober Hoseok was always a delight. Even Yoongi didn’t mind busting out a few moves every now and then with him. Drunk Hoseok, though, he was a different animal altogether. Insatiable, he was, and he was the perfect hype man for drunk you.

Yoongi makes eye contact with you and now that you’ve got his attention, you reach out your free hand towards him and beckon him over with the curl of your finger. His heart goes a-hammering away without his permission. Yoongi, a fool in love, lets himself be pushed out of his seat and like a man lost at sea, he’s pulled closer and closer to the siren who sings the song meant to be his undoing.

Except that the siren is you and your slurred singing is not at all alluring or seductive. He smiles at your pitiful attempt at fluttering your lashes at him. Despite your inability to entice him with your song and your sensual form, he still jumps overboard. He jumps and dives headfirst into the ocean that is your freely given love. All for him. Even a horrendous, throaty snort does nothing to unwind the unintentional spell you've cast on him. He faintly hears the two men squealing like children behind him, but all he can hear, all he can see is you.

“Make my wish come true! All I want for Christmas is you! Yoongi, baby!”

He can’t help but giggle at the way you serenade him, with your terribly exaggerated airy voice, but he loves it all the same. He loves you and all the surprises and jolly that comes with loving you.

Both you and Hoseok giggle at each other as Yoongi and Seokjin try to guide the two of you out of the building. Hoseok clings to his partner but his free hand is held tight in your grip, much to Yoongi’s chagrin. You’re both so wobbly and walking together is no help to either him or Jin.

It’s definitely gotten chillier and Yoongi is grateful that you didn’t forget your winter coat tonight. You’re bundled and cosy beside him, with the hood wrapped snug over your head. Your eyes are still glassy and your breathing hasn’t quite recovered from your exuberant singing competition against Seokjin, but that’s okay. You know Yoongi will take care of you. That’s the only reason why you were able to let go so freely tonight anyway, and he takes pride in knowing that you trust him so entirely. He hoists you up into a more comfortable standing position and nods to Jin.

“Merry Christmas, hyung.”

“Merry Chrysler, Yoongichi. Drive home safely!”

Yoongi grimaces and mutters under his breath but Jin merely smiles bigger. With a final wave, he pulls a swaying and incoherent Hoseok close to his side and they walk to their awaiting cab. He would have waited until they got into the car, but you’ve started blowing raspberries on his neck. While he normally wouldn’t mind having your saliva on him, he can feel remnants of soggy pretzel bits flying out of your mouth onto his exposed skin and that is more than enough to kill what could have been a flirtatious mood. He pushes your head away, eliciting a squeaky whine.

“Ah, stop. That’s gross. C’mon, let’s go home.”

It wasn’t too much trouble getting you in and out of the car, but now that you have arrived home, you refuse to step inside your house. You cling onto him like a lifeline, as if you’ll fall to the ground and drown in the air that surrounds you.

“I don’t wanna go home yet, Yoongiii. I feel soooo gross!” You whine, heavily emphasizing on how gross you felt.

“That’s why we’re gonna go inside and shower, baby. So you’re not gross.”

“Oh my goood!” You sob into his shoulder. “You think I’m gross!”

Yoongi sighs and looks into the night sky, pressing his lips tightly together into a forced smile. You continue to wail out in the open and he all but clamps your mouth shut with a press of his finger against your lips.

“Do you wanna go for a walk instead?” You immediately shut up and nod eagerly. “Okay, let’s go walk, honey.”

He knows you’ll complain about the cold in a few minutes, but he’ll deal with that future Y/N when she arrives. They’ve walked a short distance around the complex when he suddenly feels a drop of cold wetness against his cheek. He looks up and notices the flakes of white falling from the sky. He squeezes your hand and points your interlaced hands up.

“Baby, it’s snowing.”

“Oh, shit it’s snowing! Okay.” You perk up at having heard that and untangle yourself from him. “Shit. Let me, let me uh, wait. Here.”

Before he could even begin to guess what you were about to do, you plop yourself right onto the cold grass. You shriek at the burst of cold against your legs but like the diva you think you are, you don’t get up and instead pose for him. Your hands are positioned entirely too close around your face that your eyes are barely visible and your skirt is hiked so far up your hunched legs that he can see your panties. You’re wearing those adorable brown bear ones he knows you think are the most comfortable pair of undies you’ve ever owned. Cute.

“Okay. I’m ready. Always gotta be ready for the camera.”

The noise that comes out of his mouth is entirely uncontrollable and he all but melts at the sight of you. The fairy lights your landlords put up around the apartments shine brightly in the night and illuminate the flakes of snow that fall from the sky. It’s a beautiful sight, but you shine the brightest. The light hovering above you highlights your subtle cheekbones and the combination of the falling snow and lights creates a sort of glowing halo around you.

You are, without a doubt, the most beautiful person he has ever laid eyes on.

The most beautiful and also the most extra because of course your first instinct would be to pose for him. That was how you met, after all. He had been out practicing street photography a few years ago when he bumped into you. You had the decency to be politely curious why he was taking pictures of strangers and after he shared his project, you agreed (even though he never asked) to let him take pictures of you. You started posing immediately and even walked around the block to pose with whatever you found interesting, whether it was the wall of a building or a newspaper stand. He probably loved you then. He definitely loves you now.

It’s too bad he doesn’t have his camera with him. His phone will have to do, so he pulls it out, angles himself and the phone at just the right spot, and takes several shots. Your eyes have shut close again, the trickle of soft snow cascading down onto your face and hair. Oh, the way his smile only widens as you bat your eyes in an attempt to blink the snowflakes away. He waves his phone and you suddenly remember what you were here for and you smile for the camera. Smile for him.

“Sit down and take a picture with me!” You pout and pat the space next to you.

Who is he to say no? Several very blurry photos later (because what’s the point of getting drunk if you weren’t going to take blurry pics?), you were finally done with the cold. You cup his face and kiss his pink-tipped nose.

“You’re cold, Yoongi. Let’s go home.”

“Mmm… Let’s go.”

He takes your hand in his and tucks both your hands inside his coat pocket, knowing full well that you have a coat of your own with its own pockets. It’s true, his face is somewhat numb from the cold of the night, but he is quickly heating up wholly by the warmth of your shared love that the two of you have nurtured and tended to together.

“I hope you had fun tonight, baby.”

“I always have fun when I’m with you, Yoongi-poo.”

“So… what do you want most for Christmas?” He wonders if you’ll accidentally spill what you really want for Christmas but not even drunk you would sell yourself out to him.

“Didn’t I literally just sing ‘all I want for christmas is Yoooongiii’? Did I not make it clear enough?”

His lips spread into a bright upward curl and he giggles at the way you stare at him as if he was stupid for even asking such a question. As if it was obvious what you wanted. Of course, he knew you would say that. He honestly just wanted to hear you say it again. And... oh no. Now you’re singing again. Hollering, more like. Ah, well. It’s only for one night. He pulls you closer beside him and sings along with you, albeit in a much quieter tone.

Your apartment is back in eyeview and he pulls his phone out to check the time. It’s only a minute left until Christmas. He continues to watch the time pass by the seconds until there are only fifteen seconds left before midnight.

Then he starts counting out loud, in a teasing lilt that he knows is sure to pique your curiosity.

“What exactly are you counting down to?” You ask, puzzled.

You’ve sobered down quite a bit now, and you were ready to go sleep. He ignores you though and continues to count. By 5 seconds, you’ve stopped walking, although you’re still mumbling about how rude it was of him to ignore you. He reaches up to tuck your hair back behind your ears to get a better look at your face. Your stupidly beautiful face.

“I’m granting your Christmas wish in three… two… one... Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

He cups your face. It’s cold, and he makes a mental note to make sure to warm you up with a bath once you’re home. You gasp a second later and wrap your arms around him, staring up at him with a wide grin plastered on your face.

“Ohmygoddidyoubuymeapuppy??!!!”

He snorts and it’s out of sheer self restraint that he doesn’t go on an hour long tirade on the terrible idea of buying animals as holiday gifts and how he refuses to ever partake in it. He instead channels that energy into squishing your cheeks together so you don’t say anything else that could potentially ruin the mood he’s trying to set.

“Baby?”

“Whuh?”

“You make me really happy, you know that?” His voice softens up and he gently rubs your cheeks with his thumbs.

Your wide, wide eyes are still staring at him, unblinking, but he’s been under the scrutiny of your ridiculously lubricated eyes for long enough that he’s unbothered.

“And even though you’re still kinda loopy and you definitely spilled beer on me tonight, I still want you to know…”

He pauses for dramatics and chuckles when your hands fly up to grasp his hands that still cup your face.

“Yes?” You plead with him to carry on.

“I love you. I love you so much my heart is fit to burst.”

The soft inhale of breath is not lost on him and he grins at you. The sweet smile and blush that quickly overtakes your features is easily the best gift you could ever give him this Christmas.

“Oh my god. I think my heart just nutted.”

He snorts and sighs in defeat. Right. Only you could say something like that and still make his heart leap.

“I love you too. Can we go home now, though? My butt’s cold.”

“But I haven’t even gotten to the best part,” he teases.

Before you could ask what the best part was, he draws your face to his and presses his lips against yours. The warm exhale as you part your lips for him comes as a welcome surprise. You giggle into the kiss and pull him closer against you.

“You just kissed me,” you whispered as if he had committed a scandalous act.

“Baby, I always kiss you.”

“You’re right.” You grab hold of his hand and walk briskly towards your home, tugging a smiling Yoongi behind you. “Let’s go home so you can kiss me some more!”

a/n 2.0: HELLO THERE FRIENDO. how are you. happy holidays or i guess, happy day if you’re reading this in like, the summer time or something :”) thank you for reading this. did you like it? penny for your thoughts? (i will give u a pretty one forreal) isn’t yoongi the sweetest most amazing boyfriend eveerrrrr plz gush over him with me PLS

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alreadyblondenow · 4 years ago

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Melt with you | Lee Taeyong

✦ Lee Taeyong x reader ✦ Fluff, Smut, Smut, Smut, Angst, Jack Frost AU ✦ 2/5 for HOLIDAY SERIES: Once Upon A December

Summary: After being the guardian of winter, Taeyong finds himself falling in love with you while he takes care of your daughter secretly. “I’ll see you in your next life,” he says, and so he did. He waited for your next life and make you fall in love with him, until Taeyong can’t cheat on fate anymore and decided to give you to your real soulmate.

Word count: 8,550k

Warnings: A lot of smut, unprotected sex and protected sex, mentions of sex, mentions of oral sex, and oral sex (female receiving), swearing, mentions of other idols, fingering, accidental period sex, trying to have a baby but can’t, virginity loss, virgin taeyong, experienced reader, poor taeyog (no money), mentions of dying, almost dying Taeyong, pregnancy test and getting a negative result always, mentions of rough sex, mature themes, established relationship, divorce.

A/N: PURE FICTION. Inspired by the movie Jack Frost, Rise of the Guardians, Marriage Story, 500 days of summer.... Personally I wanted this to be my own version of Jack Frost and focused a lot with Taeyong and so much about the reader sorry :( but I think I did a pretty bad job about that. Jaehyun is a cupid here, and Doyoung is the easter bunny. Dont forget that hehehe. hope you enjoy.

The snow was pretty thick today and according to the news, there will be a snowstorm that will hit the town by late afternoon. Running like the wind and flying fast, the spirit of winter that makes the town cold and ready for the Holiday season came out to enjoy the said storm. As the spirit of winter, Taeyong did not just go out today so he could have a great time, but he has to make sure that the town will be safe once the storm arrives.

“Can we go out and skate? I promise I’ll be back before the storm arrives” your nine year old daughter whines to you and your husband, Taeil. You look at Taeil while he chews his pancakes, and shook his head. “No. It’s too dangerous” he says.

“But-“

“No buts, baby. You can play indoors and you can skate all you want after the storm” he reasons out. She pouts and crossed her arms, giving her father a look, and did not finish her breakfast. Even though Taeil said no, his daughter is so stubborn that she sneaked out to meet her friend from behind their house to go skating.

The storm is fast approaching and the wind is getting stronger and it is slowly becoming a blizzard. When the little girl soon realizes that she made the wrong decision because she sees that it’s obviously dangerous, it was too late because they seem to have lost their way back home. “I can’t see a thing! Don’t let go of my hand!” she shouts at her friend, squeezing her hand so tight so she won’t lose her. The wind was so strong that they can’t move their bodies, not to mention it was so cold and it’s getting really hard to try and move.

“Didn’t your parents told you not to go out! There’s a storm coming- here give me your hand” Taeyong came out of nowhere and helped the girls through the storm and guide their way back home like the guardian that he is. He made sure that the girls will go home safely so he turned into his human form and brought them home safely. Your daughter hugged you so tight and quickly apologized for being stubborn and promised she won’t do it again.

While Taeyong on the other hand, watches you and your daughter reunite, he felt the world slow down and feel every snowflake fall oh so slowly when he saw your face. You’re so beautiful he thought. It took one look for him to completely fall in love with you, his heart melts at how you hold your daughter with such care and full of love. Being a mother suits you. But then he saw your husband Taeil coming towards you and your daughter to hug her tightly. Of course, you’re married already, Taeyong murmurs. “Thank you for saving our daughter and her friend” Taeil thanks Taeyong sincerely for what he has done.

“Don’t mention it. I’ll get going” Taeyong smiled and looked at your beauty one last time before he leaves, I’ll see you in your next life.

From there on, Taeyong became your daughter’s secret guardian until the winter season is finally over just so he can see you. But whenever you’re with your husband, he stops himself to respect your marriage and remind himself that it’s not yet his time to love you. He figured his time will come and he will have the chance to grow old with you too, all he has to do is wait so there's no need to get jealous. It was a long wait for Taeyong, but he endured it while fulfilling his duty as the spirit of winter.

Every winter season, Taeyong comes back to your house and see how you’ve been while he was gone. Too bad he can’t be with you every second because he couldn't come over during the summer. But every winter, the spirit followed you like a shadow and admire your beauty with every chance he got.

After years and years of waiting, Taeyong’s suffering is finally over now that you’re gone and ready to be born again. Although he has to wait for a couple of years before he can approach you, introduce himself and make you fall in love with him, Taeyong was really excited and happy.

The spirit of winter waited for you during the spring, summer, fall, and winter for years and years. Watching you grow up, watching you go to school until you finish college, even watch you have your first heartbreak. Love is patient and Taeyong can and will stretch his patience for you until the right time comes.

“So she’s the one? Is this really worth it?” Jaehyun the cupid whines. Some of the guardians are with him and here to watch him leave and pursue love. They were all against it because Taeyong could lose his powers and die eventually, but he will not change his mind now.

“Being a human is hard, you know that right?” the easter bunny reminds his best friend, trying so hard to stop him.

“In five minutes, her car will break down in that street” Taeyong breathes in deeply, feeling excited but somehow sad because his friends aren’t supporting him and have been trying to change his mind until the last minute. “I’ve been taking care of kids that I don’t know, I’ve been doing my duty… now let me take care of her”

Soon his friends gave up and gave him a tight hug before he transforms and become a human. They will miss him of course, not to mention they don’t know how long will Taeyong be away. Just as he predicted, your car broke down on the side of the street and he has never been so excited. As we walk towards where your car broke down, his hair is slowly turning brown from silver white, the halo in his eyes is gone, and now that he’s human he can feel cold now.

“Here goes nothing” he murmurs and walked under the snowstorm, cold and freezing. He walked past your car, which got stranded in the middle of the road because of the storm, you see him and bought his acting and did not have second thoughts to call him out.

“Hey!” you got out of the car, struggling to go call him but Taeyong heard you well. He slowly turned towards you and walked weakly, Doyoung is right being a human is hard. “You must be freezing. Come inside my car we can wait for this storm to pass, please” you begged. Of course, he accepted your offer and went back inside your car with you. The moment you two were settled inside safely, he felt bad for making you come after him under the storm but he didn’t have a choice.

He wanted to look at your face like how he normally does but now is different because you can see him already. “I’m Taeyong. Thank you for helping me” he started, putting his hands towards the heater. It was a sweet moment for him and you have no idea. You have no idea how long he has waited for this moment to happen, you have no idea how many times he imagined this scenario in his head.

“I’m Y/n. Why are you walking under this storm? Did your car broke down and you went out to get some help?”

Taeyong was once again turned into stone because he can’t believe that you can talk to him now, he shook his head and answered your question. “Y-yes. My car broke down and my heater stopped working” lies. Taeyong stopped talking so he could stop lying to you. He admired your face while you enjoy the limited heat, you looked much younger than the first time he met you but you’re still beautiful. Even more beautiful actually.

Your cursing brought him back to reality again and started getting worried because you’re frowning. “Oh- shit, this isn’t happening” you whine and looked at him, “gosh I’m sorry. The heater stopped, it must be because of my car’s battery. Shit we are going to freeze here,” you said your sorry so many times to the guy sitting beside you because you’re the one who offered helped but now that your heater stopped working you feel ashamed for dragging him.

“No no. Don’t be” you watch him remove his jack and let him wrapped it around you. “There, I’m returning the favor. Were even now. Seriously, I’m fine and I’m thankful for you” His smile warms your heart and suddenly your worries banished the moment he said he’s thankful to you.

Hours have already passed and Taeyong wanted to go out and look for help now because you’re freezing and soon you’ll be sick. He has an idea but he’s scared you won’t like it and you’ll think of him as a pervert, but he nicely explained his plan and cleared his intentions so he won’t scare you. “If we don’t share body heat… you can end up getting sick and that’s the last thing we want right now. We can… c-cuddle until help finds us” he was getting shy too but you think that he’s sweet for thinking about your health even though you just met a few hours ago.

You accepted his offer and soon you and Taeyong cuddle at the back of your car, sharing body heat to survive this cold. Even though Taeyong is the spirit of winter, he can be warm whenever he’s in his human form. “You know that sharing body heat is effective when two parties are naked, right?” you tease him and make him blush. He smiled handsomely and let out an awkward laugh. “Tell me something about yourself,” you asked and try to turn this awkward moment around.

“I don’t know. There’s nothing much about me and nothing interested, how about you?” his voice was enough to make you melt while you hug him and enjoy his warmth. You like how he didn’t try to impress you but instead, he gave you an honest answer about himself.

“Well, since you’re honest, I’ll be honest too. I’m on my way to meet a guy, I have a date tonight but…” you breathe in and out before you continue and contemplate whether it’s right to say this to him or not.

“But?” he tightens his embrace to you as he waits for you to continue your sentence.

“But I’m glad I got stranded and met you”

You feel his heart beat so fast because your bodies are incredibly close, you watch him blush and smile so big making your body warm again. After a few more hours of talking, help finally came and brought you to a safe place where it’s warm. Taeyong did not foresee this, he felt like he’s losing you already and he didn’t know what to do. Clearly, he didn’t plan everything out smoothly before he chose to be human for you, he’s not sure when he’s going to meet you again. He remembers his suffering from your first life and he didn’t want to let you go now and meet Taeil before he could even have his chance.

“Listen” he calls you before you get inside the cab and go home, “I’m poor. I have nothing to offer, I don’t have a car and I purposely walked past your car to grab your attention. But, see me again. Give me a few months to earn some money so I can buy you a decent dinner. I promise I will never lie to you again”

His eyes tell you everything. Obviously, he’s sincere with his words and he spoke nothing but the truth because there were no other broken cars found other than yours. It was Taeyong’s honesty that moved you and made you say yes to the dinner date that he offered. Before you two go on separate ways, you gave him a piece of paper that has your number in it and you can only hope that he will not lose it so you can meet soon.

Taeyong was more than happy for accepting his honesty in exchange for your trust. He doesn’t have any clue to what he’s doing but he’s sure about one thing, if he’s going to make you fall in love with him he wanted to do it right and will all honesty. That’s what you deserve. It might take him a while to find a job, and earn some money but everything will be worth it in time. With that motivation, Taeyong looked for a job that he likes, earn enough money to buy a small place for him to stay, and save up for the date that he promised you.

After a few months, you received a call from an anonymous number and did not hesitate to answer because it could be Taeyong. When you finally heard his voice again, you smiled so big because not only that this man is honest but he knew how to keep his promise.

“I’m still not rich but I have enough money to make us dinner. Uhm… If you still want to have dinner with me, I’ll text you the address and we can have dinner tonight” he bit his lower lip, hoping that his offer is enough to allow him to see you again.

“I don’t need a rich man Taeyong. Send me the address then, I’ll see you tonight” The fact that he will make dinner for the two of you is enough reason for you to say yes.

When the time for the most awaited dinner date has arrived, you two had a great time in his small apartment with a dinner table full of good and delicious food that he made. The date went well, he talked all night telling you how he’s holding up with his new life, he told you he loved working on the daycare that accepted him because he loves taking care of the children and every story that comes out from his mouth is too good to be true but you believe every word he says because you know that he’s honest. Taeyong felt happy seeing you smile because of him and not another man. The waiting he did for you is worth it even though being an independent human is not easy, as always, he’s ready to endure everything for you.

“How about you? What’s your work?” he asks after he overshared his experience from the daycare.

“I work for my parents. At their company” you looked sad the moment you mentioned it and he wondered why. “Let’s just say that, because I’m their daughter they expect too much from me. But I end up disappointing them- I was having a bad day Taeyong, but you called and now everything is fine” you gave him a small smile and continue eating. Knowing that he can make you happy even with the smallest things makes him really happy. It looks like he started on the right foot and hope that this can continue.

“Will I see you again?” he asks before you get a cab.

“Let’s see each other every day, do you like that?” you bit your lower lip and hope that your flirting will work. It was a bold move but Taeyong is a kind man that made your beat. Little did you know that what you just said made Taeyong really happy that he could cry in front of you but he would rather not. He kissed you on your forehead to answer your question, smiled so sweetly at you, and told you, “Text me the address of your work, I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Get home safe, okay?”

After a few dinner dates, and countless phone calls, and texting, you and Taeyong made everything official between the two of you and sealed it with a kiss under the first snow in the middle of an empty street. But that’s only the start of your relationship. As you continue to see each other day by day or every other day, Taeyong is becoming like the nice warm feeling when the morning sun hits your skin the moment you step out of the house. This happens all the time when he picks you up at work and meets you outside the building and there he is, standing and waiting for you. Not a single word from him but he already, turned your day around.

“Had a rough day?” he asks, swinging his arms around you keeping you close as you two walk with the sea of people.

“Yeah. I did a lot today” you let out a sigh to further express your exhaustion.

“Don’t worry. I’m here now” one smile from him and everything is okay.

Taeyong is not perfect. But you don’t need someone perfect, you need someone who tries. You don’t know where he came from and he may seem ignorant sometimes but he’s not afraid to ask you about something like that one time he wanted to go to the movies with you but he doesn’t know how so he asked you and ruined the surprise. And whenever you ask him about his family background he simply says the truth.

“I don’t have any or maybe I don’t remember much but I do have friends, you can meet them someday. I’m sorry I lack about a lot of things,” you saw the worry in his eyes and disappointment in himself.

“No baby, it’s fine. I just asked. No need to worry about it” from there on you never asked anything about him so he won’t overthink, what you see is what you get and you let yourself accept what he can only give to you.

It’s been almost half a year since you and Taeyong started dating. He may be very different from the guys you dated before him, but it’s okay because that makes him more special. Almost a year together and you and Taeyong haven’t moved your relationship to the next level and by the next level you meant he hasn’t touched you yet, haven’t shared a lustful kiss, and haven’t had sex. It’s like high school all over again.

“Did you know that you’re my first kiss?” he whispered beside your ear. It’s a weekend so you’re staying over in his cozy apartment, enjoying his cold body against you as you sit comfortably in between his legs on his very small couch.

“I’m your first love, Tae that’s given already” you giggle and intertwine your fingers with his. “If I’m your first kiss then you must be a virgin,” you added.

“I am” he giggles and tightens his embrace, “any plans about that?”

“Woah there. Is that an invitation?” you turned your head to meet his eyes and he gave you a wink. Your heart jumped out of excitement when you saw him getting shy, smiling oh so handsomely. So it’s a yes then.

“My knowledge about sex is very limited don’t get too excited,” he says while watching you sit on his lap, legs on both sides. This is new, Taeyong thought. “you’re going to tease me from now on, I get it. But you do look sexy now on top of me” he giggles and pulls you closer for a heated kiss. He never kissed you like this, his hands on your waist gripping it tightly and his tongue… oh his tongue. You never thought he’s capable of such skill.

“Okay let’s not rush and not jump right into having sex,” you said in between kissing. You don’t stop, he doesn’t stop either but he’s listening. “Put your hands inside my shirt” you instruct him and he shyly followed you. You felt his cold hands against your skin, slowly going up to knead your clothed boobs, you feel him harden beneath you and for the first time, you see your boyfriend became horny. You unclasp your bra while you continue kissing each other with want, tongue sucking, lip biting while you enjoy the way he touches you for the first time.

He stopped for a second when you removed your bra in front of him, letting your hard nipples ghost on your thin shirt. He remembered how he used to look away whenever you and Taeil get too intimate, but now you’re his. Slowly he played with the hem of your shirt and lift it over your head to see his girlfriend’s body for the first time. He smiled and kissed you again, touching your boobs gently, brushing his thumb on your nipples, and making you moan softly.

After that night, Taeyong became confident when it comes to touching you and kissing you with full of lust that sometimes it’s all too much because he’s doing a great job. His kisses alone can make you moan and weak, while the way he fingers you slowly can make you moan his name that his landlord sometimes shush you two. The first time you introduced him to oral sex, was a wild moment for the two of you because he loved it so much and he did a pretty good job for a first timer.

When the time finally comes and you’re both ready to have sex, he didn’t even know how to put on a condom, so you taught him how and you think he’s cute. He told you he wanted to make you happy even in bed, so you let him. “I’ll do my best,” he says, kissing your neck and making you smile before he proceeds to foreplay. His lips travel down from your lips, all the way down to your neck and the valley between your boobs, giving your nipples a soft pinch before he proceeds and licks you for a few seconds. He kisses your lower abdomen, caressing your thighs as he blows cold air on your wet folds, and proceeds to lick your cunt. You feel his cold tongue glide oh so smoothly like there's a piece of ice rubbing on your cunt right now, but it’s Taeyong’s tongue. “Enough teasing Tae. We’ve had enough of that” you moan and pulled him up to face you. It’s true though, you and Taeyong have been giving each other oral for the past few weeks because he’s not yet ready to have sex with you.

“Okay okay. I understand” he says and attacked lips with hungry kisses and starts grinding on top of your body while you surround his small room with sounds of wet kisses. Kissing Taeyong always feels because his lips are always cold and it feels good against your skin. As you admire his lips and the way he kisses you, you feel the tip of his cock on your entrance and feel him push in slowly catching every sharp gasp you let out with his mouth. You cup his face with both of your hands and close your eyes as you enjoy being fucked by the man you love. “You said you don’t know what you’re doing- Taeyong you feel good!” you were basically moaning the whole time you were telling him what you feel. He asks you to spread your legs even more so he can thrust deeper and so you followed gladly, and after a few thrusts, he hits your good spot perfectly.

“And I told you I’ll do my best right?” he smirks and continues to fuck you good, keeping your legs apart and sucking your boobs as he thrusts. He feels your walls warm walls around his cock then you asked him to put his thumb on your clit and the moment his cold fingers made contact on your clit, you tried to push him away because it made you sensitive and moan his name louder than before. You breathed heavily and accept every deep thrust Taeyong give you, every cold kiss, every sweet word that makes your heart swell. It was all overwhelming and all you can do is let go and cum.

Soon he released his cum in the condom and removed it immediately before he lay beside you in his small bed. You feel him kiss your forehead while he covers your sweaty and shivering bodies with his blanket and helped you come down from your high.

The next day, the sunlight from Taeyong’s window wakes him up and quickly blocked the sun with his hand so it won't hit your eyes too. You were sleeping soundly beside him, embracing his tiny waist unconsciously. “Good morning “ he whispered to you, covering your naked body with his blanket. “You have work” he reminded you sweetly and pulled you in a tight embrace.

“Let’s stay in bed, Taeyongie. Let’s skip work and make love the whole day” you kissed him good morning and closed your eyes again. You hear him giggle and feel his strong arms cage you and cradle you.

“As much as I want to do that, we can’t. Come on, I’ll cook breakfast, let’s start our day together”

“Are you getting rid of me?”

“No, quite opposite actually. Let’s start this day early, so we could go to work and meet afterward. I’m excited to see you again” You smile a gave him a tight embrace, allowing yourself to be thankful just for a minute for this beautiful morning, and for the naked man beneath you who loves you so much.

Beautiful nights that involved making love with Taeyong or having rough sex, eventually, happened again and again and again until he’s confident in bed just as much as you are. You go to work sore and tired but your heart is happy all because of Taeyong. He may not be as innocent as before but the humble and loving Taeyong that you fell in love with is still here. It was a relationship that involved a lot of sexual activities but you and Taeyong loved each other dearly and prove it to each other every day.

“I hate going home” you whined and gave him a glass of water. Tonight is one of those nights where you and Taeyong enjoy the meal he cooks after a long day at work and you have dinner together in his small apartment.

“Then don’t, stay here with me it’s late,” he says as he drinks the water that you gave.

“Hmm. That’s not what I meant, ask me to live with you already”

“I cant my place is too small, I’ll marry you and I’ll buy us a nice home”

“Were not getting young” you teased him, “I’m perfectly fine with this place. You know I love it here, I sleep well whenever I stay over”

“That’s because of me not because of this place” he was talking about the sex and smirked.

“Okay fine- But seriously you don’t have to buy me a big house you’re enough” he pulled you closer to him and looked at your eyes. He remembers the big house that you and Taeil owned in your past life and he was planning to give you something like that and not this shoebox. But he sees that you’re happy so he finally lets you win.

“Okay. If this place makes you happy, fine. Welcome home” he kissed your knuckles softly but you attacked him with sweet kisses and ended up making out with your boyfriend on his cold floor with a happy heart.

Living with Taeyong was a huge transition in your life but it was all for the better. You used to eat fast food every night but now you have Taeyong to cook you good food every day. Living together also made you know him more and know some things for yourself, like his love for sweet potatoes and that he can sing. He is incredibly affectionate when it comes to animals, may it be a stray cat or a dog it doesn’t matter he will take care of it. Living with Taeyong made your life easier and beautiful even though it’s all about the simplest things with him.

After you moved in with Taeyong, he found a job as a grade school art teacher which he loved doing so much and also pays good money. With that money, he saved a lot and bought you a house that’s big enough for the two of you. You let him shower you with love because that’s what he wants, in return you love him unconditionally. Soon, you introduced him to your family during the holidays, and Taeyong cooked for everyone which made him win their hearts especially your mom.

Seasons changed and so are the years, now you’re swaying under the soft music from the background on your sister’s wedding. Your arms are wrapped around his neck while his arms are wrapped around your waist as he whispers how beautiful you are tonight for the nth time but you never get tired of it. It’s not your wedding but you feel like it is because Taeyong can easily turn a second into a special moment.

Your sister’s wedding is a series of mixed emotions, one minute you’re crying because she’s not a baby anymore and by the next few hours you’re happy because she dropped the news that she’s pregnant already. “I saw your eyes when your sister told everyone she’s pregnant, how many kids do you want in the future?” he asks, continuously swaying your bodies while he waits for your answer.

“Ask me to marry you first” you boop his sharp nose and rest your head on his chest, “but let's have two kids,” you sighed and smiled at your wish and you hear your boyfriend hum in approval.

The night ended beautifully and you’re happy to see that your sister is happily married now. You kissed and waved goodbye to your family and Taeyong did the same too. Oh, how you wish you and Taeyong will have a happy ending soon too.

But you know what they say, be careful what you wish for.

A week after your sister’s wedding Taeyong proposed to you and made you the happiest girl in the world. It was nothing glamorous like the ones you see in movies, no big crowds, and no big signs that says ‘Marry Me?’. No. It was just the two of you. In your car, where you two first met. It was snowing too which made it even more special and romantic. When he was putting the ring on your finger, he was shaking so bad like he was cold but he’s not he’s just nervous. It was a simple ring and it represents your relationship with him, the diamond was small but the ring itself is a promise of never ending happiness because you get to spend the rest of your life with this handsome man.

Suddenly life is full of dreams and promises to keep for your marriage, no morning or night has passed that you didn’t admire your engagement ring. Just like now while Taeyong is in the shower and you’re waiting for him to come to bed. “You smell good” you didn’t notice him slide under the covers and felt him sniff your exposed shoulders. You turned your head to him and see him shirtless while he leans on the bed frame. You rolled on your side and rest your head on his abs, while you admire his handsome features.

“I want kids with your nose, my eyes, and your good heart,” you said, looking directly in his eyes. “You can teach them how to draw or cook pancakes, we can read stories to them, sing a song, and dance around our living room?”

He felt his body warm in instant. With just your words he felt like he’s melting. “Your love melts me you know,” he reaches for your lips and kissed you good night. “We can do all that and more, I promise” he whispers.

Time passed by so fast after getting married to Taeyong. Life is even sweeter and worth living for. Even though married life is never easy, you and Taeyong managed to be happy every day. More seasons change and you and Taeyong have become busier with work that you only spend time with each other during mornings and before you go to bed. But of course, the baby making is a never ending try until that damn pregnancy test will come out positive. Trying to have a baby was harder than you thought. There are times that you’re losing hope but your husband makes everything better.

“Good morning Mrs. Lee”

After being married for two beautiful years now, some things have never changed like how Taeyong wakes you up early in the morning for work with his cold lips and handsome face. You stretch your body looked at your handsome husband, who’s shirtless and only wearing a pajama underneath this thick blanket. You couldn’t stop yourself to kiss him and position him on top of you. “I have kids to teach” he giggled but he kisses your chest just the way you like it.

“Want to try to make our own kid? We haven’t tried ever since the last result. This isn’t us” you teased him but you both know it’s because of your jobs and you understand each other.

“You know I can’t say no to that” he smirked and lifts your sleepwear, exposing your boobs to your husband. Sucking your nipples immediately and felt his cold tongue swirl around it while his hands were quick to remove your pajamas and underwear. He kneels in between your legs and lowered his sweatpants before he releases his hard cock from his boxer briefs. With his middle finger, he checked if your slit is wet and ready, “you’re always wet for me” he says and kissed you deeply as he thrusts inside you with one quick move that dragged your body on the mattress. It hurt a little because you weren’t prepped enough, but once Taeyong rolls his hips and starts kissing your neck you lose your mind and all you can do is focus on the pleasure that he’s giving.

His thrusts were quick, you figured he was horny and his grip on your waist will sure leave marks. “Ah-fuck” you moan out when his thumb started drawing circles on your clit to make sure you will cum because there’s no way you will leave your house without cumming this morning. “I’m cumming-“ he says and sucks your nipples while he thrust harshly and putting pressure on your clit.

Your husband gave you a piercing thrust as he shoots his cum inside you, making you yelp and almost hit the headboard but you don’t care because you’re in the middle of your own orgasm.

“Wow- our baby making is getting intense,” you said with heavy breaths and sharp gaps. You put your shoulder above your forehead and catch your breath for a minute before you go on and take a shower.

You don’t know but your husband wanted to tell you something but he doesn’t want to ruin the morning. He helps you wear your panties again and kiss your sensitive body while listening to your giggles that’s music to his ear. He loves you so much that he wanted so bad to give you a baby soon because he’s tired of seeing you disappointed whenever the pregnancy test is negative.

Every day you and Taeyong spend your mornings peaceful and quiet. You wrap your arms around him while he prepares you breakfast, enjoy the quietness of your house and the peaceful life that he has given to you. “Have I told you that I love you Tae? So much?” you smelled his still wet hair and tighten your embrace.

“Yes. Every day, I think I don’t say it as much as you do but, I love you too” He kissed your forehead and gave your lips a peck. And mornings like this happens every day and no one is complaining because you never get sick of it.

“What if we adopt instead of trying to make one?”

It’s not that he didn’t like the idea of adopting, but it hurt him because you must really want a baby by this time and he can’t give you one for unexplainable reasons. “Don’t you want to see your nose in our little one? Or my eyes?” he stopped doing what he’s doing for a second and turned around to meet your gaze. He swings his arms around your waist, leaned on the kitchen counter, and pressed you against his body. “Where did that idea come from- I’m not against it but-,”

“But you don’t want to do it either?”

“I wish I could answer all of our questions on why you can’t get pregnant. Let’s try a few more times, then if nothing happens let’s do it. I’m sorry-“

“No, you’re not doing anything wrong. I think I’m just stressed with work,” you were just about to kiss your husband and end the conversation when the doorbell rang and you both wonder who might that be. Neither of you is expecting any visitor this early, that’s why it is a complete shock for Taeyong that Jaehyun visited him.

This must be important.

Since Taeyong needed to talk to his friend, you had to drive alone to work and drown with the things that you told your husband. I shouldn’t have said that, I completely hurt his feelings. Stupid. You said those things to yourself as you drive and arrive at your office safely. Then…

“Oh gosh. I’m sorry” a stranger bumped you so hard while you were walking towards your office. Completely bringing you back from reality. He was quick to apologize and his beautiful smile was hard to not notice. “I’m very sorry Miss. I’m Moon Taeil. I was reading some guidelines, I’m very new here and I can’t seem to find Mrs. Y/n Lee” he read it from the paper he was holding.

“You found me” you smiled and invited him to your office to talk about the work he has to finish.

While you were busy orienting Moon Taeil in your office Taeyong and Jaehyun had a serious conversation in your living room which made Taeyong very angry and frustrated. Turns ourtJaehyun is here to tell him that you and your soulmate will finally cross paths.

“That’s the thing when it comes to this soulmate thing hyung, we can’t stop it. Even me. It’s beyond what I’m capable of. I’m sorry, you just have to work harder and keep her away from him. Try and stop destiny” Jaehyun says, frustrated like his hyung too. Taeyong was quiet but he was thankful to Jaehyun for telling him.

“I’m starting to melt” Taeyong admitted to his friend. "I think I could last two more years"

“Make up your mind. Would you rather be selfish or let her be happy for the rest of her life?” Taeyong watched his friend leave after dropping a very hard question to answer. He can indeed feel his heart is slowly melting and the only way to save himself is to go back to being a spirit again.

It was a very disturbing day for both of you. He was worried about you and Taeil meeting, you were worried about the things you said to him this morning. To make it up with your husband, you decided to surprise him and pick him up from the school he's teaching. You see parents hugging their children and hear them asking about their day and you can’t help but tear up a little because you want the same things too.

You wipe your tears when you see your handsome husband walking towards you and greet you with a kiss. “Adults go here to fetch their kids, but here you are fetching me” you both let out a giggle before going inside your car. Before you start apologizing, you gulped the lump on your throat and keep your eyes on the road.

“I’m sorry about this morning. I know I hurt you” you finally said.

“Hurt me a thousand more times, I’m still going to love you deeply. Everything is fine, I understand you’re desperate because I’m desperate too. But we both have different solutions to this problem that's why. Let’s talk about it at home,” he says, reaching your free hand and kissed your wedding ring. You love how he’s always right when it comes to things like this. He always knew what to do.

As usual, you and Taeyong fixed this baby situation and decided to try and try until you get pregnant. You have nothing against it but you don’t know how long you can hold on anymore. Nonetheless, you try and understand Taeyong’s feelings too and you don’t want to hurt him again. After having that conversation with your husband, he tried so hard to get you pregnant and initiate having sex almost every day. Exhausting but at the same time fun, you just let love and lust drive you and your husband to bed over and over again.

Like right now, you were so weak and you can’t feel your legs anymore, you don’t even have the energy to roll on your side and reach for your husband but he does it for you. “You okay?” he kisses your neck and caress your sensitive body softly, naked and still sweaty from sex.

“Can we go back to the time where you don’t know anything about sex?” it was a joke which both of you find funny. You return his embrace and let out a shiver when you felt his skin so cold like ice and he was sweating so hard… like he was melting, “are you sick? baby you’re so cold like ice” you were worried but your husband is smiling weakly at you with lustful eyes, clearly, he wanted another round. But little did you know Taeyong is not feeling well.

“Come here so you could keep me warm then,” he kissed you deeply on the lips and felt him spreading your legs again. Oh boy, you thought. You tried to push him but you’re too late, he made you horny too, and just like that you gave in already.

You and Taeyong continue to try to have a baby and have sex whenever you can. Until one day when you were busy cleaning the house, and you saw your pads on the drawers and realized that you’re late. Your period is finally late.

“I’m home. Y/n?” Taeyong shouts as he enters your house, putting his shoes on the side. You greet him with a warm hug and a smile so big, inviting him to bed this instance. What better way to celebrate your pregnancy right?

You kiss him until you reach your shared bed and remove your clothes in front of him, intertwining your fingers with his and guiding him to touch your body. He doesn’t know what’s happening but he was enjoying it even though he doesn’t feel good. Taeyong quickly switched positions and removed his clothes from work before he goes in between your legs and kisses your body.

First, he licked your pussy good. Making your head turn and make you moan his name a little louder. You hear wet sounds as Taeyong licks you up and down and kiss your pussy like it’s your mouth. You were so wet that it turns you on even more and can’t wait for Taeyong to finally fuck you. When he felt your excitement, he quickly pumped his cock and slide it on your very wet folds just to watch you lose your mind beneath him.

He came in slowly, fucking you deep and careful because he was too weak right now but he can’t show you. After a few moments of heavy breathes and taking Taeyong's deep thrust, Taeyong fed his lust and looked how your cunt take all of him slowly and got excited to see blood coating his cock because loves period sex so much.

“I love fucking you when you’re on your period-ah” he was moaning so good and fucking you at a quick pace now, nipping your earlobes and kneading your boobs. After a few dirty talks, he heard you sob and felt tears falling on your cheeks. He thought you were crying because of overstimulation so he smirked and gave your ass a light slap. When he pulls away from your neck to kiss you on the lips, he sees you crying while covering your mouth with your own hand.

Your husband stopped.

“Am I hurting you, what’s wrong?” you didn’t answer him.

He quickly pulled out and went to the bathroom to get a damped towel to clean the blood on your thighs and put a tampon inside you while you were crying. He kissed your shoulders and begged you to talk to him because he is clueless.

“I was excited because I thought my period is late just a few minutes before you get home. Then it fucking came” it was a very harsh move for fate to give you false hope and hurt your feelings like that. Taeyong didn’t know what to do when you asked him to leave you alone for tonight.

He needed you too because he’s sick right now but he can’t tell you.

And that is where your marriage failed.

Taeyong was desperate to keep you while you were desperate to have a child. You two started to fight, and you can see that things are slowly changing now. You were cold towards him because you don’t know what else to do to have a kid. You have sex, take a test, negative, have sex again, take the test again, and have the same results over and over again.

You hope that it’s easier than ‘you don’t love him anymore’ but it’s not, you love each other so much but this baby problem is ruining your marriage and you can’t fix it because you don’t know what’s wrong, even the doctors said you’re both fine and you just have to try and try but its getting tiring already.

“I don’t know what else to do” Taeyong admits after you take another test just a few minutes ago and he sees you crying. He can’t take it. He never saw you cry when you were married to Taeil.

“Do you want to give up? Because I’m getting tired, baby” you hug him so tight and cried on his shoulders, “we fight, we don’t sleep peacefully now, and we're not happy. This is not us” you cry out and tighten your embrace to your husband. You forgot how his presence comforts a lot.

“Okay, let's stop. I’m sorry. I really am”

“I’m sorry too”

Taeyong realized what he was doing all this time. If he didn’t steal you from Taeil you wouldn’t suffer like this because he is not the right man for you. Love is cruel, Taeyong thought. No matter how much you love each other, no matter how much he loves you, fate won’t consider it and will find a way to ruin your chance of being happy.

He puts you to sleep and went out to meet his friends and tell them that he’s slowly dying. You were so focused on yourself and didn’t notice that Taeyong is getting thin and his hair is slowly turning white. You thought it’s just him being stressed with everything that’s happening right now but it’s more than that.

“Well, you can’t die. It’s simple as that. You’re more than Taeyong, you have an obligation in this world as the spirit of winter” Doyoung was beyond pissed upon hearing the news. "We told you from the very start that this is not a good idea" he added.

“We have no choice but to let her and Taeil have their happy ending. But how she loves you so much” Jaehyun says with worried eyes because they know that Taeyong is going through so much.

“I’ll Divorce her, with all the strength I have left ” Taeyong says weakly, tears in his eyes started to ball.

“All for the better hyung, you can save your life and she can be happy” Doyoung pat his back and told him to do it immediately because he doesn’t have much time.

After a week, Jaehyun helped Taeyong with the process of divorce and will make everything official once you sign the papers.

And just as you thought that life couldn’t get any more brutal, your husband is handing you the divorce papers before you start your car and drive you both home. You never thought that this damn car will witness everything. How you and Taeyong met for the first time, the night he asked you to marry him, and now that he’s completely giving up on your marriage. Taeyong watched you cry while you’re driving quietly and wonder what’s on your mind. Do you hate me? He remained silent the whole time until you reach home.

You look at the envelope in front of you while Taeyong is on the other side of the kitchen with you, waiting for your thoughts. “If this is about me wanting to have a baby- Taeyong I don’t want it anymore just please” you were begging him in the middle of your kitchen, tears started falling and you can’t believe that this is happening. He came closer to you, cupped your cheeks, and kissed your forehead because he can’t see you like this, “We’ve been through so much Tae, you can’t do this to me”

“But I can’t make you happy anymore, someone will fill in my shoes” he kept you close and savor the feeling of your hug that will last for a lifetime.

“To hell with happiness- I’m sorry I was selfish, I was only thinking of myself” you cry some more and stain his dress shirt with your tears.

“I was the one who became selfish in the first place, not you,” you don’t know what he was saying but you don’t care anymore, all you want to do is never let him go.

But he was the one who let you go and you couldn’t get a hold of him no matter how much you beg. It was more than heartbreaking. When Taeyong left you, the house he bought you was never home without him, he didn’t even take anything with him, not even his clothes. The only thing he got for himself is his wedding ring which he will wear forever.

“Welcome back,” Doyoung says but neither of them is happy about the divorce. Taeyong felt strong and healthy now that he’s a spirit again but his heart is dead, he doesn’t feel alive anymore. It’s been weeks since he left you, and since it’s not winter, he’s not allowed to be around. Perfect, he thought. He needed the time to move on and heal alone.

Who knows? Maybe he'll try again in your next life.

To whoever read this, i hope you live a happy life a simple life and you’re happy genuinely.

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