#BIG BIG BALLS OH HOW I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOO

[teddybeartoji]

tengen loves it when you play with his balls. the messier you get the better – when you're licking and sucking and slobbering all over him, he's rewarding you with the most beautiful moans. he doesn't even try to hold them back, he doesn't shy away from the pleasure.

propped up against some pillows, he watches your every move – he's a sucker for eye-contact and this moment is no different. the sight of you batting your eyelashes at him from between his thick thighs, from below his cock, as you're mouthing at his balls is almost enough to push him over the edge.

he reaches out to you with a lazy smirk on his lips and rests his hand on the back of your head – he lets out a sound resembling a teasing coo and then showers you with praise because he knows how much you like that.

you hum with your mouth still on him and his hips jerk at the vibrations running through his body. he laughs shakily, clearly impressed by the reactions you're always able to pull from him; you've done this many times before and yet, every single time, you make him feel like he's in heaven.

with your mouth, with your tongue. with your hands and fingers.

with your eyes.

without fail, you turn him into putty – you take him apart and you put him back together just by playing with his balls and he couldn't be more grateful.

[andromedasstarship]

in the stars - chapter 4

photo credit - @ssa-emilyhotchner​

pairing - aaron hotchner x reader 

warnings - canon typical criminal minds, stalking, angst. pretty tame chapter 

summary - “I’m on a date.” You responded flatly. The other end of the line went silent.

a/n - hi besties. so this chapter is p short compared to the last one, i had like  7k something chapter 4 and it just didnt feel right, BUT that means chapter 5 is basically done i just need to edit it soooooooooooo hopefully wont take a long time lol! enjoy, heart yall forever 

masterlist // series masterlist // read it on ao3 

chapter 3 / chapter 5 

-----

The rest of the team was left in various levels of shock. Everyone was struggling to process the bomb of information that had just been revealed. With hindsight, it was easy to connect the strange levels of tension and intimacy that radiated between you and Hotch. What was more difficult to swallow, was the new understanding that Hotch had been keeping this secret for nearly five years. Random ‘trips’ that Hotch would take out of state or the subtle sprinkles of wealth showing up in the form of gifts suddenly made sense. 

This was completely uncharted territory for the entire team. Given Hotch’s history, it wasn’t too difficult to understand how protective he may be of any relationships post-Haley; but the magnitude of your relationship- both in terms of your status as well as length-, and the withholding of information even on the case was a different form of betrayal that couldn’t be kicked under the rug. 

Hotch had always been one of the fiercest advocates for unity, truth and an equal playing field when it came to information concerning a case,- Morgan was still feeling second hand embarrassment for Jordan- for him to be the one to hold back such influential info was difficult to fully wrap their heads around. Anger, of course, was felt and there would certainly be time for that anger- not even getting started on the amount of questions everyone was bound to have-, but as the team was silently processing, they all reached similar conclusions. Hotch was displaying a softness and side of him they hadn’t seen in a very long time and they wouldn’t let their valid frustrations get in the way of solving this case. 

Morgan was the first to speak, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “I need to text Garcia about this.” He said, shaking the phone a bit. Everyone managed to laugh at that, all certain that Garcia would have the most interesting reaction to the news.  

“You know…, the other day when she was giving me a tour of her house, I pointed out a bottle of Dalmore 25 she had on the wall. She got really weird about it and I thought she was trying to play modest, but this, this makes a lot more sense.” JJ remarked lightheartedly. 

“So now we know Hotch has some game then, huh?” Morgan quipped, a large grin on his face. When everyone just stared blankly back at him, even more confused than they already were he continued. “Do you all not remember when he ‘magically’ got a bottle of Dalmore 45, those start at twelve grand” 

Reid was about to open his mouth and add to the conversation, but just as the words were leaving his mouth Hotch stormed back into the conference room. One hand was tightly balled in a fist while the other was gripping his phone. 

“She’s not answering her phone. Three times, it went straight to voicemail.” 

“She isn’t on set today, when she left this morning she told me she had work related errands to run.” Emily recounted, racking her brain for any more info about your whereabouts. 

Hotch strode over to an open laptop at the edge of the table, quickly hitting a series of buttons until a very flustered Garcia appeared on screen; her mouth dropping open when she saw Hotch. 

“Questions later Garcia,” Hotch opened, already anticipating that someone Derek would have informed her of the latest news, “I need you to track Y/N. I want her current and last location.” 

“Yes sir! I uh, I will do that right now for you.” Garcia responded, clearly doing her best to hold back the hoard of questions and comments she had. The sound of her vigorously typing filled the room. “Alright sir, so the bad news is that it looks like her phone is currently turned off, but! The last place it pinged at was outside of Chateau Marmont about three hours ago. Which for those of you who don’t know this place is notorious for being the A-lister hideaway-” 

“Garcia, do a wide search for her name and location for today’s date. Check to see if there’s been any media sightings on her whereabouts.” Hotch ordered. He hadn’t forgotten how uneasy it had made him once he found out how easy it was to locate you. Paparazzi were a different form of ruthless and he’d never realized how difficult it actually was for people in the spotlight until he met you. 

“Let me see…, yes sir you are right! I’m getting a bunch of hits of her entering the-” Garcia’s sentence falling off with an ‘oh’. 

“Garcia, what’d you find?” 

A headline popped up on the screen. 

“Emma Co-Stars Pictured Together Out At Lunch: Has The Love Moved Past The Screen?” 

Underneath, multiple photos of you quickly loaded. There you were, cheerily standing next to your co-star, looking up at him with a big grin on your face. The photos showed the two of you in different positions as you made your way inside. A few of him as he opened the car door for you. One of you with your arm wrapped loosely around his while you walked up the door. One of you ducking under his arm as you entered the restaurant. 

The tension in the room was palpable as everyone did their own mini attempt at profiling the photo. It was difficult, you’d clearly proven to be a great actress and they knew you were capable of manipulating your outward emotions. It was even more difficult considering it was just a handful of mediocre quality photos. 

Hotch was tightly gripping the edge of the table, forcing himself to keep a level head. He knew it was unreasonable to get angry over the idea of you with another man, but it didn’t help the pang in his heart as he recognized the genuine signs of happiness you were emitting. 

“JJ,” Hotch said, voice dangerously calm, “call the restaurant and have them discreetly tell Y/N that ‘Andi�� is calling her.” Discretion was the highest priority for him, the envelope being even further confirmation that the unsub was closely trailing you. The last thing he wanted to do was either trigger a violent reaction or cause him to go underground.

Back when the two of you had been together, out of an abundance of caution, you used to refer to Aaron as ‘Andi’ in public. You hated not being able to thank him in speeches or mention him in any capacity, so this had been your best way around it. 

“Yes sir.” JJ responded, quickly moving out of the room to make the phone call. 

“Garcia, do you have any leads on the kid that dropped off the envelope?” Hotch asked. 

“No sir. The car he left in was reported stolen a few days ago with no leads as to where it went. Camera feeds loose the car about three blocks away and his face was too obstructed to get any hits that way.” 

“Alright, once JJ comes back with confirmation Y/N’s gotten the message, I’m going to pick her up. I want the rest of you to work with Garcia and categorize these photos. Cross reference whatever you can to get a timeline.” Hotch ordered, the rest of the team not being to be told twice. 

-----

“Where the hell are you?” Aaron demanded. 

Even through the phone, you could tell he was absolutely seething. It was bad, by the time you had picked up the phone you’d amassed a total of twenty texts and nearly ten missed calls from Aaron; not even mentioning the individual missed calls you had from each member of the team. It was bad, but in your defense it had been less than an hour from the first missed call to your current response. 

What could you say? You were big on not being on your phone when you were spending time with friends. 

“What do you mean, where the hell am I,” you answered, rolling your eyes as you leaned up against one of the private bathroom countertops. “How did you describe it before Agent? I’m very in ‘demand’.”

You could hear him groan through the phone and wondered if he was running his hands over his face; something he used to always do when you were being difficult; he absolutely was. 

“Y/N-” 

“I’m on a date.” You responded flatly. The other end of the line went silent. As you were debating whether or not you should add the part about it being a publicity date, Aaron’s voice came through. 

“End it. I’m picking you up. The drive there from the station shouldn’t be more than 30 minutes.” Aaron said, his voice dangerously even. 

“I’m perfectly capable of getting back to the station on my own Agent. I don’t need you stirring up an absolute scene-”

“Y/N,” he started, voice commanding in a way that told you he was serious, “a package was delivered to the station today. Filled with hundreds of photos of you over the years,” he paused again and you could hear him take a deep breath before continuing, “there’s photos of us in there. The unsub knows.” 

You went silent, mouth opening over and over, unable to find anything to say. You had always envisioned a world where you and Aaron were some sort of ‘public’ knowledge, but never like this, obviously never like this. 

“Y/N, I need to come get you,” Hotch said, his voice much softer now, “I can’t-, I need to see that you’re safe.” 

“I’ll make something up,” You said quickly, before adding, “there’s a private valet area, I’ll send you the instructions to get past the gates and I’ll let the security know you’re coming to pick me up.” 

“I’ll be there in ten minutes, don’t draw any attention to yourself.” And with that he hung up, leaving you stunned in the bathroom. You gripped the edges of the counter, staring at yourself in the mirror. You wished you could stay in the bathroom for hours, desperately needing some time to privately process what Aaron had told you. 

That wasn’t in the cards for you though, so you quickly did some pointless attempts at ‘straightening’ your appearance- more for your benefit than anything else- before you turned the lock and left back for your table 

You slipped back into your seat across from your friend and co-star Johnny. 

“Your friend alright?” Johnny asked. 

“Yeah, yeah,” you said with a small smile, “she’s fine. But my Agent called me when I was in there, she apparently managed to set up some last minute FBI consult to help me prep for an audition I have coming up. According to her, she ‘pulled a lot of strings for this’.” You said, rolling your eyes. The lie sliding out of your mouth with ease. “Whoever this FBI dude is, is supposed to come pick me up right about,” you looked down at your phone, “now apparently. So I guess our little date has to end early.” You said, giving him an exaggerated sad pout. 

Johnny rolled his eyes at that, giving you a small laugh. The two of you were both equally uninterested, romantically, in each other. But you did get along quite well, so being ‘forced’ into hanging out with each other outside of filming wasn’t bad; you’d probably hang out outside of filming anyway 

“No worries, we still on for running lines later tonight?” He asked. 

You thought for a moment, before nodding. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Now, help me flag down the waiter, I want to get one last drink in before I go.” 

-----

About twenty minutes later you found yourself waiting out in the private courtyard of the restaurant. You were doing your best to calm your nerves, this being the first opportunity you had to try and process what Aaron had told you. You should’ve seen it coming, if the stalker was so obsessed with you, he must’ve noticed Aaron in your life at some point. But you had been so careful. 

Then the other obvious thing hit you. His team knew. You were wondering how the team had taken the news when you saw the black SUV come into view. Aaron quickly stopped the car in front of you and before you could move to open the passenger door yourself, he was out of his seat in a flash, coming over to where you were standing. 

For a moment you were both silent. You felt tiny under his unrelenting gaze, his eyes scanning your entire being as he ensured himself you were okay. 

Without thinking, you launched yourself at him, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist, ensnaring his arms tight to his side. As soon you realized what you did, you were internally kicking yourself, moving to loosen your arms nearly as fast as you had put them there.

“Aaron I-” 

Before you could finish your attempted apology, Aaron had pulled his arms from under yours and repositioned them around you, pulling you tightly against him. Your head naturally fit perfectly under his and you took in a deep breath, letting his scent surround you. It was cliche, but you both were thinking about how perfectly your bodies melded against each other.  

You felt his hand rest gently on the back of your head, gently stroking down your hair in a steady rhythm. “I got you.” He whispered, so quiet you nearly didn’t hear it. 

You pulled your head back so you could look up at him. “I’m scared.” You said, admitting it aloud for the first time.  

Aaron was staring hard down at you, his face soft. “I know,” he started, moving a piece of hair away from your face, “I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, okay?” 

You nodded at that, missing his warmth when he started to pull away from you. He kept a protective hand on your lower back, guiding you towards the passenger seat. He opened the door and helped you in, gently shutting the door behind you. As soon as your door was shut he wasted no time in getting in the driver's seat, starting the car up again. With a quick check to make sure your seatbelt clicked was in, Aaron peeled out of the parking lot. 

A few floors above the courtyard, in one of the private hotel rooms, a curtain was angrily thrown shut. 

-----

taglist - @mac99martin @iwaizumiee @kylorendrip @hqtchner @lieswithoutfairytales @ssahoodrathotchner @midsummernightdream @weasleylovers @evans-dejong @itsmytimetoodream @yoshigguk @28cnn @cuddlyklaus @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @yallgotkik @sunflowersandotherthings @averyhotchner @kimmy-k-k @uwu-sebastianstan

a/n- if youve asked to be on the taglist and dont see urself, please send another message! im really bad about putting people on my tag document lol, even if ive like responded in tumblr!!

no permission is given to copy or republish my writing on any other platform or account. if you see this story outside of my blog or my ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own nor claim to own criminal minds or any of the character involved in it.

[fictionalabyss]

Do 'em all 🤣🤣

You jerk rofl. Okay, this is gonna take a while..

also under a readmore cuz long.

1. describe yourself.- Mel, 32, mom of two, mental health issues, and no idea of who I am or ever was.. lover, fighter, spiteful, friendlier than I’d care to admit. I think that about does it?

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be? I’d be willing to go to a lot of places, honestly. Scotland is top of the list if I can count a wedding as an expense haha.

3. do you have siblings? On my mothers side, no, I’m an only child. On my fathers side, I have a half brother, and two step brothers.  I haven’t seen them since I was 11 though, but they’ve been added to my fb and now ignore my existence there.

4. what is your favorite constellation, why? Don’t think I have a favourite.

5. favorite color. Don’t have one. I like different colours for different things, and even that can change with my mood.

6. what kind of music do you listen to? Pretty much everything. My workout music (basically the only time i have time for music) ranges from the 50′s cowboy and love songs all the way to more current EDM and some metal. You introduced me to Mongolian metal, and I’ve come across and Indian metal band that has a song about fighting depression, and I love them so much. I’m still sad to have missed both Babymetal and Alestorm (Scottish pirate metal) when they came to town. Alestorm actually offered me free tickets if they could name Matrim when I was pregnant rofl.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)  Wild flowers. I have violets that grow wild in my back yard and I love them.

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn? I think at most, I’d like to learn minor healing, or something that would attract goodness to people.

9. favorite childhood memory.The memory of Pat getting in the baby swing and yelling “push me on the swing, mommy!” and me pushing him as high as I could and leaving him there when he got stuck roflrofl. We were 9, and it’s basically how this relationship started. I was annoyed, he was in love. I’m still annoyed but now we’re both in love.

10. have you ever been cheated on? Not that I’m aware of, but that might not have been for a lack of trying. WORD ON THE STREET WAS one of my ex’s was trying to get with someone else while with me and was turned down.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be? Big and spacious. Super comfy bed, plenty of pillows. But also a little corner with a fort that I can be little in. Close proximity to both bathroom and kitchen for obvious reasons. Big window with cute curtains. and all the thing my current room has, but less unfolded laundry rofl.

12. favorite animal. Don’t have one, but it for sure isn’t a fkin slug I’ll tell you that. Pete the peeper ruined that for all slugs.

13. what was the last photo you took of? Luke’s new pokemon cards so I could show Pat while he was at work.

14. do you believe in soul mates? I do. I believe that soulmates aren’t just lovers, but that you can have many people that your soul resonates with. I had one, or thought I did, until I was dropped like hot garbage and shit was said behind my back like I’d never find out. The fucked up part, if I got an apology, I’d probably believe them and let them back into my life like I did last time. Because I’m a fucking sucker and a slave to my heart. But the more you hurt me, the harder you have to work for my trust so I’ll probably never get one. Too much work.

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under? I have a toddler, so under so he can’t just unravel the whole fucking thing into the toilet by slapping his hand on it.

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there. Greenstop and Poutine. They have this killer brown gravy omg.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason? yeah. Everything is either a consequence to our actions, or a lesson to be learned. Karma, my friend. And sometimes, bad shit just happens so you have room in your life for better things. That’s how I got you and Kay.

18. guilty pressures? You mean other than 80′s and 90′s one hit wonders?

19. favorite mythical creature, why? Dragon. Cuz...dragon?

20. something most people don’t know about you. Uh.. not everyone knows me to be as friendly as you tumblr peeps do. Truth is, I’m kind of known as a bitch in person. I don’t socialize well because of my crippling anxiety, and have RBF, so people just assume. Others know it as fact because I treat people the way they treat me.

21. where did you grow up, what was it like? at 8, I moved across the street from where I live now. Before that, I lived in ‘The Point’ but most of my childhood memories are of here. A lot of my neighbours are the same people. I grew up in the 90′s, so we use to play in the street day and night and there were no worries. I’d go from park to park, house to house, just wandering from place to place with my friends. No parents, just us, as long as I got everyone back out front by the time the street lights came on, and then it was hide and seek in the dark while all the parents drank on one of the balconies and watched. It’s not like that here anymore.

22. do you believe aliens exist? You’d be an idiot to think that we are the only lifeforms anywhere.

23. what was your last google search? Big Iron by Marty Robbins.

24. what did your last relationship teach you? You really wanna get into that? It taught me that no matter what I know about a person, I don’t know them. If they talk shit about other people to me, they are talking shit about me to other people. It taught me that just because they earned my trust once, doesn’t mean they should get a free pass on it for life, that I should make them keep earning it. And finally, than when they say “I’ll understand if it doesn’t work out” it’s bullshit. I’ll end up tossed aside and forgotten while I break. And when I realize I deserve better and move on, everything becomes my fault.

25. would you relocate for love? depends where. Example : I love Kay, but I ain’t moving to Florida roflrofl.

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy? Forgive far too easily the first few times. After that, fuck you.

27. favorite book. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert? Introvert.

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now? I have attempted to a few times. Didn’t work out. so no.

30. top 5 favorite movies. Porky’s trilogy. Ginger Snaps trilogy. uhhhhhhm.. fuck.. idk, why do you do this to me, I can’t pick favourites.

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason? We already went over this.

32. what is your greatest fear? Falling.

33. favorite alcoholic beverage. Jack, disarono, Fluffed marshmallow vodka. UPPERCUT. legit, go into a bar and order an uppercut.

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done. If i could think of something, I wouldn’t tell you guys muahahha.

35. do you believe in ghosts? not sure.

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality? That I’m nicer than I’d like to be. I’m mush. I’m forgiving and kind, and loving and sometimes I hate it.

37. should you split the dinner bill? Who am I at dinner with?

38. are you a good liar? Fuck no roflroflrofl. I’m the worst at it.

39. what keeps you up at night? these days, story ideas.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music? bye bye music.

41. do you believe in god? Nope.

42. how do you relax when frustrated? Mindless game on my phone, nap, or binge something.

43. what’s something that offends you? people. People offend me.

44. favorite food I’m a sucker for a good lasagne. but also cheesecake. I can never have too much cheesecake. I mean, I can, I’m lactose intolerant, but shush. Something are worth it.

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be? If there’s booze on the flight, anyone. if not, literally no one. I’ll just pound back some Oxazepam and nap. wake me up when we get there.

46. when do you feel the most confident? never. ROFL.

47. what do you do on your free time? What is free time?

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect Oh yeah. If you’ve read this far, you might have an idea.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart? Probably not, no.

50. did/do you play sports in school? In gym class. Oh, and I did that one summer to Tball and hated it.

51. when are you happiest? when I'm asleep.

52. coffee or tea? Tea. fuck your coffee.

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without? internet.

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person? Height.

55. what is your favorite season, why? I love winter, because I love everything looking so white and clean when the snow is fresh. But I also love spring because of the rain, and summer for storms and fall for colors and good weather.

56. what makes you laugh? What doesn’t.

57. are you a clean or messy person? I was given the nickname ‘Messy’ at 10 for a reason. It still applies.

58. what is important for a successful relationship? Be it friendship or romantic relationship, my answer is the same. Trust and Honesty.

59. what was your upcoming like? Do you mean upbringing? I had a single mom who worked all the time. I was pretty independent.

60. favorite holiday? Christmas.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery? pay off debts.

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination? Bacon crumble and cheese. Not bacon bits, fuck that shit. Bacon fucking crumble. its like, little balls of bacon or something and not many places have it anymore *sad panda*

63. favorite outdoor activity. meditation. Does that count? I just like to be barefoot outside.

64. how are you? honestly. It’s 9 am, and I’m already getting frustrated with kids. And I have a soccer game and medal ceremony coming up soooooooooooo.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort? how about cabin in the woods, ooooor a beach resort with woods backing it. yeah.

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature? everything.

67. favorite type of candy? Don’t got one.

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title? something super depressing, I’m sure.

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases? “Later masturbater” (The Pest)

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now? Frosted tips, mesh shirts, and snap away track pants on men HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,. Oh, them early 00′s. I legit saw someone wearing them a few years ago and almost died.

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on? dunno hombre.

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched? uhhhhhhh

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had? again, 90′s. Mushroom cut with a nike check saved in the back HAHAHAHAHA. Oh man, everyone had that way back when.

74. what do you like to cook? most things.

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild? wild beavers make me happy.

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen? Japanese game shows. nothing is as funny as japanese games shows. Human Tetris for example is fucking hilarious.

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head? Heart. Unfortunately.

78. what is your favorite quote? I’m not sure these days.

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had? I’m not sure..

80. what’s your love language? I dunno. I legit just had to google what they were, and I’m not sure which.

81. do you ever feel alone? Always.

82. ever been bullied? Far too many times.

83. are you usually early or late? Early, thanks anxiety.

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most? these days, written. But I love paintings the most, i think.

85. what do you wish you knew more about? Everything. If I could, I’d go to school and learn everything that interests me even the slightest.

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Soulless Riffing: Brainless Ch. 2

I got a supernatural action/romance book series as a gift that’s just riddled with stuff that I hate….and as a steampunk Victorian London action romance story filled with werewolves and vampies…it’s yeah gonna be easy to poke fun at.

I just want to say, it’s totally cool if you like this story or ones like it!  It’s certainly a better caliber than a lot of what I make fun of….however…I can’t help but want to make fun of it.

Over here for the 1st chapter

SO FUCK IT HERE GOES!

Chapter 2

An Unexpected invitation FOR ME TO RANT ABOUT EXPOSITION!

Before I get into the meat of this chapter, allow me a bit of ranting time about some exposition we get in both chapter 1 and 2 here.

Even though Alexia was told she’s a rare and super cool SOULLESS when she was 6 years old. NOBODY IN HER FAMILY knows she’s Soulless. And I’m sitting here like…

????????????????????????????????????

There’s no fucking way any 6 year old can keep the secret that they have cool powers for longer than 10 minutes.  Especially if they weren’t told it was something to keep quiet about, and especially, ESPECIALLY if you’re telling a girl who grows up to be an out-going woman who’s confident about defending herself.

It’s as if there is some dramatic reveal on the horizon where her family finds out and is mean to her for being born BADLY.

SPEAKING OF BEING BORN BADLY this bit of characterization burns my biscuits a big one.

Alexia is considered unfuckable for a few reasons.

1.)    Big Nose, face isn’t considered traditionally pretty. – Okay that’s a good addition

2.)    She’s too STRONG-WILLED – Okay sure

3.)    She’s half Italian.

Woah hold up there…

Sorry, not sorry, but I hate this cowardly, cynically pandering horseshit.

Can that make sense in this pseudo-bullshit historical setting? Sure.  But we also have fucking werewolves and vampires.  The fact that they chose for her ~lower status~ to be tied to the fact that she’s A DIFFERENT KIND OF CAUCASIAN is deliberate and pathetic. They author wants to pander to women who feel like they’re…

“NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS” but at the same time don’t want to risk the book not selling if HEAVEN FUCKING FORBID there was a BLACK AND/OR FAT AND/OR TRANS AND/OR LIVES WITH A DISABILITY woman on the cover.  It’s just pandering to that extra shitty part of white people that’s like, “I’M A SECOND CLASS AMERICAN CITIZEN BECAUSE MY HERITAGE IS IRISH AND A LONG TIME AGO THE IRISH WERE TREATED SHITTY!”

Were the Irish and the Italians treated shitty in historical contexts?

Oh absolutely!  

Problem is this woman published a Victorian styled book that’s full of steam punk, yiffable supernatural vampires, in 2009. When you write it in the modern era and it’s full of fantasy bullshit and you want to make commentary about discrimination and prejudice? Don’t try to jam that in with a leading woman who’s an upperclass, straight, able-bodied, neruotypical, white, skinny, cis-woman but like THE BAD KIND OF WHITE!

Is it a book written from a problematic perspective? Not necessarily, but it’s fucking cowardly and you can get the hell out of my face with that gutless trite.

I have a feeling this is going to be an on-going theme too. People being discriminated against EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE COOL!  This chapter already implies that Vampires, Werewolves, Scottish People and YES even Scientists (for reasons) are discriminated against even though ALL OF THE ABOVE are well represented in the upper echelons of high society.

Can you be rich and respected but still be discriminated against? Yes, of course, but…it’s very hard for me to picture any of these groups as hugely oppressed when they’re dripping in money and good social standing. I’m so dreading the scene where somebody says something blatantly and maliciously racist about her powerful, wealthy werewolf boyfriend and Alexia stands up and GIVES THEM WHAT FOR cause she TOO knows what racism feels like cause a dude she asked out once was like, “Eww ur half-Italian no way lawl.”

I’m white, but Jesus Christ, fucking white people.

So with a page of me bitching about exposition out of the way….Alexia, her mother, her 2 half-sisters, and her step-father are all gossiping it up at the breakfast table. And boy howdy is it apparent what the author and by extension, what she thinks her audience would find shitty.

YES YOU GUESSED IT! Her younger half-sisters are

PRETTY BLONDE GIRLS!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOW COULD THEY!?!?!??!?!?

But they do have the negative trait of being SHALLOW!

Yes Alexia stand in judgment of those women who care about how they look.  Let’s ignore how every outfit you don, is lovingly described in detail, and that there were at least 3 separate situations last chapter where you fussed about how you looked.

Just to be clear, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with the author happily describing elaborate, Victorian outfits, or a woman fussing over her looks. I’m saying it’s bullshit that she snidely calls them shallow and insipid from atop her ~NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS~ throne while engaging in the same fucking behavior.

GO TO HELL ALEXIA!

So,

There’s an article in the paper about the dead vampire but there is no mention of Alexia in it. When asked if she knew anything about it she derails into huffing about how she wished she said more mean shit to Lord Macaron. When like…I’m sorry? You both said some sassy stuff, but HONESTLY? You violently killed a man at a ball, and got out of that REALLY FUCKING EASY, and while Alexia insulted Macaron to his face the worst he said to her was she was as covert as a sledgehammer and immediately apologized for it. (BTW, he said this in response to her DEMANDING to be given a job that doesn’t exist but she will get one like it in t-minus 5 chapters.)

Shouldn’t you be…I don’t know…a bit more concerned that a mysterious man attacked you last night, and there could be more like him out there RIGHT NOW rather than you didn’t have enough witty one-liners on hand? Get over yourself Alexia.

So let’s settle a bit.

She goes out huffing on a walk with her Bff Ivy Hisselpenny to calm herself down.

Even if Ivy is also an outcast due to voluntarily wearing SILLY HATS!  I’m calling it now she is a cinnamon roll that must be protected from Alexia’s “I’m best girl” narrative.  May I say I find it a gross misuse of time to use a paragraph to explain the difference in French/English Fashion by their introduction but spend 2 words, “Hideous bonnet” on describing the silly hat? FOR SHAME!

Thankfully Alexia doesn’t’ incessantly tease poor Ivy…yet.  On their walk they are stopped by Mable Dair who tells Alexia her Vampire Matriarch, Countess Nadasdy, wishes to see her.  

Everything about that situation screams bad fucking news for her.  Again, thankfully, Alexia has enough brains to try to determine HOW BAD that situation could be.

So she sees token gay and vampire friend Lord Akeldama.  The author makes no qualms about characterizing him as the floucniest priss that ever ponced a sissy.  Now, I’ll confess, I have a guilty pleasure for fictional gay stereotypes that bleed into problematic territory. 

EH-HEM!                        

Yet Lord Akeldama is not doing it for me.  It might be the fact that since this is kinda Young Adult territory that you can’t be subtle. But I can’t help but feel condescended to with the tons of IMPLIED nods to how gay he is. I’d almost rather she just come out and say, “THIS MAN IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO GAY…HE IS A DICK WITHIN A COCK WITHIN A PENIS! HE’S LIKE A TURDUKEN BUT IT’S A DICK-COCK-IS!” Instead I’m tapping my fingers going, “Oh this new line of dialog now makes it the 67th new cutsey flower-based nickname he’s calling Alexia by! Thanks cause, I missed all the previous 66 of them!”

To be honest, I might be being a bit too judgmental here.  Like with all things I love a lot, I can be a bitter opinionated bitch about what I consider good and bad versions of it.  So anyway Akeldama doesn’t have much to add besides

“Create more sexual tension with that Hunky werewolf wiener”

BOY HOWDY AM I LOOKING FORWARD TO MORE SEXY AND ROMANTIC DIALOG LIKE…

“UR A BIG STINKY FART-FACE!”

“I KNOW WHAT YOUA RE BUT WHAT AM IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII? NEH!”

Say something Nice Faps:

Lord Akeldama being interested in Alexia makes some sense due to her soulless ability. The author makes a point about how he likes holding her hand and feeling human. So even if Alexia is insufferable or nothing special otherwise it makes sense that this vampire would enjoy her company for that at least.

They describe Mable as both chubby and very good looking. CAUSE TURNS OUT YOU CAN BE BOTH!

As I said, Alexia at least has enough brains to get some info before driving straight into the fire here.

[whenimgoodandready]

4. What’s the deal with the Blood Moon? Is it evil? Is it alive? Is it a “love potion” spell? Is it the reason Jarco didn’t work out? Is it why Tomstar is having problems? Is it a forceful urge to make two people physically impossible to stay away from each other in a non romantic sense!? IDFK!? Ever since Season 1’s episode of “Blood Moon Ball”, it was known as the BIG Starco episode what with the “Dance of Romance” trope and that beautifully haunting music by Brain H. Kim. From that episode on wards, we’ve been seeing the Blood Moon during major Starco moments, like it’s keeping an eye on them or something, like “Bon Bon the Birthday Clown” where Marco saw it while having his first kiss with Jackie and sensed Star might be in danger, “Face the Music” where it shined on a picture of Star and Marco in a heart for Stars Princess Song on Song Day where the whole world found out about her crush on Marco! And in “Booth Buddies” where they finally had their (controversial) kiss! Hell! It’s even in the f***ing theme song for crying out loud! But what.does.it.MEEEEEEEEEAN!? The anticipation stops here.

*Curse of the Blood Moon-Star and Marco have a midnight breakfast with their favorite cereal, Captain Blanche’s Sugar Seeds, just for funzies (although I think the candelabra was a bit too much for obvious reasons) and Star leaves two marshmallows in a bowl (so they won’t get lonely.Awwwwwwwwwwwww) and Marco can’t help but find it undeniably adorable as it’s getting harder for him to keep his feelings for Star inside. Poor baby.

He goes to talk about it with Eclipsa and she comforts him (nice to see him getting along with her now like it showed in “Butterfly Follies”), but says there’s nothing she can do to make the feelings go away :(. He then finds Janna,-WAIT! Janna’s there? Again!? Why!? I mean, I know she’s a fan favorite, but what’s her purpose!? What, like, is she too proud to admit it’s cuz she missed Marco or something!? Is it cuz she’s livin’ the dream of seeing all the creepy sh*t she loves so much!? WHAT!? She tries to use her hypnosis on Marco to make him forget about his feelings for Star, but not even her “powers” can work to help Marco. You know, in an underhanded sort of way, she’s kinda “helping people”. With that Quest Buy sloth she impersonated, Stu, from “Out of Business”, she said it was to “do him a favor” and with making Marco stop eating nachos, something he likes! Was for the good of his health. So I guess, she does have a purpose to be here? (shrugs). Marco decides it’s just best to admit his feelings for Star and how it’s killing him. Huh, I thought it was in “Booth Buddies”, but I guess they just needed to make it more evident.

Marco finds Star in her room and she’s with Tom. Her boyfriend. That she’s still dating from “Lake House Fever”. In a nice new outfit. Yeah, you could just feel the awkwardness in the room right now. And Janna’s eating it up like popcorn. Marco confesses his feelings anyway and Tom is soooooooooooo............okay with it!? He tells them it’s cuz he believes it was all done by the Blood Moon and explains how it’s power is to bind two souls together and how he failed to do that with Star and regrets it all cuz ever since then, all three of their relationships went to sh*t. He knows Star likes Marco too and it was evident when the two spoke in unison again like from “Blood Moon Ball”. This is why Tom was so cool with the possibility of Starco, he blamed it all on the moon!!! Star and Marco get freaked out by it cuz they didn’t know about it from last year. Guess this is why Tom didn’t bring up the Starco kiss to Star. Wait! Wait! Wait a minute! You mean to tell me Star didn’t know about the Blood Moons power!? She was there when it was announced! What!? Is she just stupid!? In order to fix all this, Tom says there’s a way.

They all go over to Toms place where they search his grandfather Relicors chambers on what to do about the Blood Moon and find out they can get rid of the spell by standing under its light for the next one!..............in 665 years! Plan B? Use the Severing Stone! The stone can help them erase the memory of their bounded souls and dance and all will go back to normal. It’s located in the very depths of the Underworld, so they go there with Relicor cuz he’s Toms grandpa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (Tom are you trying to sing the theme song after the “rainbows and puppies” part?) aaaaaaa and knows where to find it. They reach the bottom, but there’s a “secret test of character” challenge, run by a tower demon, where they have to pass through and then walk over the classically rickety old bridge to get to the stone itself. Marco goes on to point out all the obviousness of the whole thing being all genre savvy about it such as mocking what the demon would say, predicting the many failed attempts they’ll try and concluding it by saying it’s of course him and Star that are the “worthy ones” cuz they’re souls are bounded! (mic drop).

Okay, we’ll skip all that cuz it was too much for the (other) demon guy which was actually a fight to the death and he got annoyed. Yeah, we can’t have our two main characters die again people, C’mon! They pass the bridge, Janna fakes the other cliche of “almost falling” Blah, Blah, Blah, and they get to The Severing Stone! Before they could use it, Relicor admits he used it to erase the memory of the moment he fell in love with his wife a long time ago and had regretted it ever since (it was hinted in his chambers for those with an attention to detail cuz I noticed it. I think it’s obvious what might’ve happened to her). Star and Marco are positive they wanna go through with this since they believe it’s all the Blood Moons fault for cursing them, so they start dancing the waltz (and a callback to Toms, “That dance was meant for me!” quote for lols) and are magically transported to the memory of the Blood Moon from last year. Dressed up, demon audience watching, music playing, the whole Shebang! As they dance, they realize it’s all without Tom c*ckblocking it and how their dance is expanded and they really get into it, but then Star wonders “What if it wasn’t the Blood Moon”!? Cuz they don’t want their love to be magically induced by a magic moon and they loved their first dance together and they do like each other, but was it all from the moon or from themselves? 💔. Before they could think anything else of it, the whole thing ends and they become strictly platonic again. “Problem solved”? Oh yeah, and Janna severes her soul in half. Whatever. IDC.

So I took some time to process all this and at first I was pretty bummed out cuz of what just happened there and I know how all of you have commented on it and I don’t think there’s any need for me to express my feelings here. I mean, I know how some of you must’ve reacted like, “OMG! You mean to tell me that this whole time, Starco was all magically done! And we’ve been shipping a false relationship for the last four years!?” And that you’re also thinking, “Wait! Does this mean Jarco broke up for nothing!? And it’s the reason Star kept bringing up Marco for Tomstar!?” Yeah, I’m sure you’re all thinking that, but after a few days of letting it sink in and rewatching the episode, I’ve come to my own thoughts about it (sigh). I am all for Starco, the “Blood Moon Ball” is my favorite episode ever! It’s cuz of that dance, that beautiful Blood Moon Waltz track that I loved so much I put in my iPod! And the atmosphere of it with two young people dressed up all nice dancing around a bunch of demons. Also, I love red. Every time I look forward to the annual stargazing charts and see a blood moon coming up, I’ll always remember it as “that first Starco dance” with the music and the legend behind it and what not, but it’s sad that it turned out to be a set up for Star and Marcos future relationship problems! Then I thought, wait a minute! I missed something. Rewatching that episode, I realized, Star and Marco said they were gonna severe their souls from the stone by erasing their bounded souls and their first dance. NOT erasing their love for each other! Relicor said he severed the memory he fell in love with his wife, but Star and Marco only severed their memory of their bounded souls and first dance! I don’t think the Blood Moon was the moment they fell in love, they were probably just in the moment and didn’t want to look stupid under the light and just danced. From Season 1, before that episode, Marco was only into Jackie and Star with Oskar, so Tom must’ve assumed it was the moment they fell in love cuz he’s been repressing that idea for over a year now. Idk when the exact moment it was that Star and Marco fell in love, but I don’t think it was the Blood Moon moment. As Star said, “What if wasn’t the Blood Moon?”, cuz if it were, then it would’ve automatically worked instead of building it up for a year between them, unless it was a slow process, but usually love spells work instantly. However, if it was not, then why did Marco and Star sound “platonic” after the severing? I know they thought it was cuz of the Blood Moon they thought they were in love, but at the last minute, they thought otherwise. Were they just happy that they still remembered each other as friends or did they genuinely fall in love right at the last minute before the severing was done? So now Starco is back to being platonic again and Star will continue dating Tom while Marco starts something new with Kelly. I thought he would maybe go back to Jackie again, but I guess not. Since this episode is all done with, I guess the next anticipated episode will be “Beach Day”. Maybe we’ll know what obstacle Star and the gang overcame to make her so happy in that picture with Marco and who took the photo too! With all the trouble she’s goin’ through, I hope she solved all the problems to just finally get some well deserved R&R. Oh! And one last thing, whether or not the Blood Moon was a “love potion” thing, I’ll say this, just cuz Star and Marco don’t love each other anymore, doesn’t mean they can’t fall in love all over again 😉.

[zalrb]

Damon, TAKE STEALTH LESSONS {2x04 Review}

1. I’m sorry, we really need to talk about how this twenty year old man is this jealous over his 17 year old brother, like get over yourself, Damon and grow up, be an older brother. Stefan is SEVENTEEN.

2. In this dream, Elena says that it’s Damon’s turn at the pool table but then Elena is the one who’s playing while Damon is like teaching her how to play even though Elena can play pool but I guess Katherine wouldn’t know about the last part.

3. Also I’m laughing because when would Damon and Elena actually do anything like play pool in their actual relationship.

4. Tyler is actually being quite calm considering he knows werewolves exist now.

5. Katherine actually annoyed me in this episode, mostly when she’s trying to be coy about werewolves, something about Nina’s enunciations and she exaggerates her features the way Ian does for Damon.

6. I still have no idea why all the vampires would look to Katherine.

7. Katherine, my girl, why would Stefan come back to MF to fall in love with you all over again when he thought you died? Girl, stop.

8. Stefan is also a lot better at emotional manipulation than Damon like Damon does it the most and he does it aggressively but Stefan is way more stealth when he does it. 

9. I can appreciate that Stefan is given the chance to torture his abuser but I am hella annoyed that Caroline wasn’t afforded the same chance with Damon.

10. I find it ridiculous that Elena tells Jenna to be nice to Damon when Damon killed her brother and Jenna’s nephew and I also find it ridiculous that Jenna tells Elena she’ll be nice when Damon “keeps [his] paws off [her]” and doesn’t tell Damon to leave her underage niece alone. Like Jenna, he was flirting with you and Matt’s mother at the bar! And this whole dynamic makes me question why Elena didn’t question Stefan and Damon dating one woman before she knew they were vampires because Stefan and Damon dating one woman is like her and Jenna dating the same guy.

11. Now when I watch the scene of Mason and Damon introducing themselves I think of that blooper when Ian goes, “Oh hey I’m Ian”, completely ruined the scene because now I expect Ian to introduce himself as Ian.

12. Lol Caroline trying to break up Stefan and Elena on Katherine’s orders just makes me laugh now.

13. But she’s eating chips and now I want chips.

14. Katherine legitimately comes off as a delusional, crazy ex girlfriend. “Does she know that you love me?” but like pretty much any woman who falls for Stefan comes off that way and that includes Elena storming into Tessa’s cabin when she had no business there. 

15. Also they need to establish time with vampires because I’m sitting here thinking like, for argument’s sake, let’s say Stefan did love you in 1864, Katherine, that doesn’t suggest that he would love you over 100 years later, 100 years is a long ass time and throughout those years you watched him and he wasn’t pining for you and he thought you DIED soooooooooooo, I need to know if 100 years is considered like a year for a vampire especially since in season 7 Caroline is freaking out over Stefan being away for 3 years and gets her ass engaged in that time so like RULES.

16. It also makes absolutely no sense to me that Katherine would be staying in a house full of men in 1864 Virginia and everyone is OK with it. Propriety was a thing.

17. Damon stays being trash. “Is my love not enough?” well I don’t know, Damon, who did she take to the ball? It wasn’t you. She didn’t even speak to you all night! WHAT DO YOU THINK.

18. “I never compelled your love” but here’s the thing besides the fact that Stefan was clearly just infatuated, it doesn’t matter because once you do start compelling him, it all goes out the window, it poisons and pollutes what was there before because then you make him your victim, you take away how he truly feels about something and continue a relationship with him then everything that comes from that can never be completely real particularly since she compelled Stefan to drink her blood, like she really fucked up his life though.

19. DAMON IS SO BAD AT BEING STEALTHY. Yes, let’s antagonize Mason openly with pictionary because that is SO smart. Damon is bad at stealth also because he has a false sense of power and intelligence but Caroline’s “Puppy! Puppy! Puppy with a tutu!” is hilarious.

20. “Aunt Jenna is getting tipsy.” “Will you stop plying her with alcohol?” “Well I want her to like me! Nice. Very nice. A tactic he also uses on Elena in 1x11. This is typical predatory behaviour.

21. Also Damon is just UP in Elena’s space and she’s actually constantly startled and uncomfortable, that isn’t sexual tension.

22. Elena, aren’t you at all conflicted by the fact that Damon plans on stabbing one of your friend’s uncle? Like that just doesn’t cross your mind?

23. “You were so scared of me I had to take away your fear” or you could’ve left him alone, Katherine.

24. OK so George Lockwood was a werewolf and Katherine knew he was a werewolf and he knew she was a vampire and he decided because she knew he was a werewolf to tell the council about the vampires living in the town but was willing to strike a deal with the one person who knew he was a werewolf? I guess...

25. Damon and Alaric are SO obvious, it really annoys me.

26. Lol, Elena is like ... Stefan didn’t pick up his phone or answered any of my messages or texts so obviously I am going to his house. Cute.

27. “And Damon being Damon nearly ruined everything” pretty much an exact description of Damon.

28. “Is that the only thing that makes me terrible?” Damon, you killed her nephew.

29. Elena was never really big on defending her relationships to other people but she was definitely more protective of her relationship with Stefan when Caroline attacks it this episode than she was of her relationship to Damon when Caroline attacks that. 4x08 doesn’t count because she was Sired.

30. Damon is fucking ridiculous, it isn’t a full moon, he tried to kill Mason by stabbing him and it didn’t work and he just stands there? You’re not going to try any other methods? No, you’ll wait to rip his heart out then taunt Katherine with it and get Jenna stabbed. Jackass.

31. I don’t go hard for Katherine as a lot of you may know but that line is still fucking great, “I will kill everyone she loves WHILE she watches and then I will kill her while YOU watch” like that’s fucked up.

32. Paul’s expression when Katherine breaks free of the chains is actually kind of amazing and the way he’s like “why, why” like he’s just SO confused. “I told you! I missed you Stefan!” legit crazy ex-girlfriend.

33. Seriously love how Stefan and Elena like have to hug right after they experience something traumatic.

34. I’m sorry but Katherine just isn’t threatening. At last when Isobel came into town, to prove her point she had Matt’s arm nearly crushed.

35. Why is Tyler only obsessed with how the curse is triggered and not the fact that his uncle actually turns into a wolf? And like what’s it like to be a wolf and how long he was a wolf and why they call it a CURSE?

36. YO. I was so scared when this episode aired and the break up scene happened, I was like OMG NOOOOOOO.

37. And then he was in her room and they were all fucking cute and I was like OK YOU SCARED ME.

38. That moan when they kiss tho.

39. I remember my best friend and I watching this in our uni library and when Katherine kisses Dead Stefan’s lips she turned to me and was like SEE? SHE CARES! She was so excited and I was like ... she’s trying to get in between SE right now so idgaf. And she rolled her eyes. I remember that SO clearly.

40. It is a sweet scene with nice music tho.

Thanks for reading!

[blschaos3000-blog]

Its 1: 15 pm hazy

  Welcome to 8 Questions with……

Meet my friend Karen,who is one of the kindest and most compassionate people left on this planet. I have known Karen for several years,she and I met after Lori passed away and she stayed with me as I was getting crushed by grief and loss.  She has donated to Sockvember many times as well donating several times a year to Red Cross,you are getting the idea that Karen is a very caring and generous soul,right? Karen is also a relentless crusader for animals,all types of animals whether it be a abandoned dog,injured possums,hungry birds or a pocket cheetah like her new cat,Doogie Howser. She gets up early to feed her crew,check her TNR traps,rescues the cats and if possible helps them find a home or if they feral,she’ll get them neutered and released back in their area. Family is the most important thing to Karen and if you are a friend,you’re family. I have really enjoyed reading about Karen’s crazy adventures through the years be it a ice storm that led turned a small trip into a multi-hour ride from hell to rooting for her Braves and yes,even losing a few of her rescues and fosters. She has shown me and hundreds of other people around the country what being a caring and loving human being looks like. Simply put,we need a LOT more people like Karen in this world. I hope you enjoy reading and sharing Karen’s interview as she answers her 8 Questions

 Please introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about yourself. 

I am Karen Jones nee Estes originally from Charlotte, NC but I have been in the Metro Atlanta area since the day Elvis allegedly died. I am married and I have one son who is the light of my life (from my practice marriage). I worked for about 12 years in HR/payroll but in 2016 I was beyond tired of Atlanta traffic and I changed jobs to be closer to home (less miles and less money lol but also way less aggravation from traffic). I work in the preventive maintenance department for a biotechnology company in Kennesaw, GA.  I love all animals but I also love bacon so whatever category that is called – that is where I am. DON’T TOUCH MY BACON!  I am an overly sarcastic person so keep that in mind while reading the rest of my answers.I am a firm supporter of donating blood/platelets at The Red Cross and being an organ donor. If you have doubts about donating organs then you need to do some reading  https://www.donatelife.net/  

 What was it like growing up in your house? Is this how you developed your love for animals?

  My house was cool growing up, my parents are both insane (although I have never had them tested) and they love animals too but they also eat meat.  We had rules and curfews and chores but we also had love.  I would certainly say that my love for animals was developed by watching my parents. I used to make fun of them for birdwatching and bringing home leftovers to feed the possums. Now I do the same thing which makes my son cringe when we go out to eat and I ask for a to-go box so I can feed the critters. So watch out kids – you will become your parents one day! I remember my mom finding an injured owl on the road one night and she wasn’t going to leave it there to suffer so she slipped out of her slip, wrapped up the owl, put it in the car and headed home. Apparently the owl was not hurt because a few miles down the road it hopped up on the steering wheel and watched her drive home. We had plenty of dogs who were saved from the side of the road, dogs who “we are not keeping” but of course ended up staying with us. My dad came across some young flying squirrels and those were brought to our house and released in the backyard. He’d go out at night and call them and they’d come down and eat the peanut butter he set out for them.      Non animal related – our house was the hang out for all the cadets in Civil Air Patrol. My parents preferred that we hang out at home with MTV (back when MTV played nothing but music videos) and eat pizza so the kitchen was always stocked.     Holidays were always an “eat yourself into a coma and still have plenty to take home to eat for the next 6 months” type of event. Mama T (my mom’s mom) was one of the best cooks on the planet, she loved to cook and she loved to watch people eat what she prepared. This is why my family is incapable of preparing normal size meals lol     I must mention that having “insane” parents is a lesson in itself. Both of my parents started out at the phone company as linemen, humping poles as they called it. Neither of them have a “can’t do” attitude. They have the “do what you have to do” attitude so I picked up on that a good bit. If something doesn’t work then you try something else, if that doesn’t work then try something else. We aren’t a “one and done” type of family. I think this is how I reached MacGuyver status among my friends – it is 99.9% true that when there’s a will, there’s a way.  I am extremely lucky to have the parents that I have and to have picked up on 1/10 of their knowledge and attitude.  I hope that my son has picked up a lot of that too.     I could write a book on this subject but I’m trying to keep it short. Bottom line is that I have the best parents who have taught me a lot of life lessons and above all taught me to always help out if you’re capable of doing so. It cost you absolutely nothing to be kind.

What was your first pet and tell us about it?

The first pet that I can remember was our hamster Cinnamon. Other than watching her roll around in the plastic ball I don’t have a lot of memories. I can’t remember there being a time in my life where there wasn’t a dog or a cat or some fish. I just know life has always included a pet.

How did you meet your husband? What attracted you to him?

This is a loaded question. I met him when I worked part time at Winn Dixie where he was an assistant manager. This is a running joke because I met my first husband when we worked at Kroger together. I ask myself every day what attracted me to him! For starters – he stood out because he is bald and has beautiful blue eyes. We started dating and learned that we both love animals, The Three Stooges, prefer Miracle Whip over mayo and we both hate celery so it was obvious that we were meant to be together.

 How did you get into animal rescue? Did you take any classes or workshops to get trained?

  I wish I knew the answer!!!!!!  I think it all happened by being in the right place at the right time?  No classes or anything like that. Most of it is common sense and thinking back to what my parents did when they came across an animal in need.

 What are some of the big “no-nos” in helping injured animals,especially wildlife?

Do NOT try to make the injured critter become your pet!!!!!!!!! Seek advice on how to keep it comfortable while you find a trained rehabber. Wildlife that has been injured needs to go to rehab and then released back into the wild. While you mean well in what you’re doing, you can actually be causing more harm. So keep it safe and find a rehab facility.

 What have been your three best rescue stories?

Oh gosh – I don’t want to hurt any of their feelings so I will tread lightly. My current foster/rescue is Abby. She came into Getalong Dachshund Rescue: https://www.getalongdachshundrescue.org/our-dogs/   with her sister Zoey in 2017. Zoey was extremely overweight and Abby was mostly blind and deaf. Zoey went on a diet and managed to go from 22.88 pounds down to 11.5 then was adopted. Abby went totally blind and is now a forever foster with me. She and I are extremely bonded and have our own communication skills.     Freida Mae who was found in a ditch in rural AL in the rain. She was not claimed at animal control and Getalong Dachshund took her in and treated her infected and swollen mouth which involved removing pretty much every tooth in her head. I left the Sunday before Thanksgiving 2018 to pick her up. My husband woke up early (which is unusual) and asked where I was going. I told him it was an emergency foster, he rolled his eyes and went back to bed. Freida Mae was sooooooo skinny and soooooooooooo cute. She won my husband’s heart when I sent him a picture of her. When I got home he came outside and said “Give her to me” and that was that. We found out a month later that she also had cancer which could not be treated. She put up a great fight though. She was eating better and gaining weight and playing and bossing the cats around. She had my husband wrapped around her paw. She could do no wrong. Sadly we had to say goodbye to her in March just four months after we said hello.     I can’t leave out Titan because he was the first rescue/foster back in 2001 I believe it was. He was an owner surrender to another rescue group and we took him in. He was quickly adopted to a family in Rhode Island. After getting updates of him in his new home we also asked them to adopt us. Titan had his own beach chair for his beach trips. He went to a great family where he had many happy years. I am friends with his mom to this day.    Can’t leave out Fonzie who was picked up by animal control and never claimed. The happiest dog on earth! Imagine our surprise when we found out he had a broken jaw! He never showed any sign of pain and he was eating dry food, all while constantly wagging his tail. (I know you asked for three but you’re getting four stories). Fonzie cannot hide under blankets because his wagging tail gives away his location. He was adopted 9 months later and is living the best life ever! When I took him to his new mommy he was greeted with a “Welcome Home” sign, a huge basket of toys and his new pillow and blankets. 

We won’t talk about Doogie………….(“Doogie is pretty awesome!!!”-Paladin the cheetah)

 How do people go from wanting to help animals into becoming the worst animal abusers when they become hoarders? Have you yourself ever worked a hoarder house?

I think for the most part they start out wanting to help and then things spiral out of control and they don’t know how to ask for help. I’ve never been directly involved in a case involving hoarding. 

 Share your opinion about TNR and the pros and cons of the program.

I am no expert in this field so please understand that this is only my opinion which is based on information I have read from numerous sources.Any litter bearing animal will basically self adjust (for lack of a better term) based on population. This is what is happening with coyotes in Georgia, there’s basically an open season on coyotes but the coyotes are now having larger litters and more often. So in my opinion TNR is the lesser of two evils. I was fortunate enough to find a group in my county that provides services for feral cats so I was able to get the feral family all “fixed” and vaccinated for free. So I believe in TNR vs euthanasia. 

 Is your husband also a animal rescuer?

He is guilty by association. He complains about my efforts but he’s still around so…………..he found a kitten in the woods a few years ago and no sign of mama after 8 hours so he brought it home. For me to bottle feed. So he is what I’d call the diet version of a rescuer. He complains about it but he is the first one to steal snuggles from the animal. 

 Do you think Kerri should keep one of her kittens?

Absofrickinglutely!!!!!!!!!!!!

  The cheetah and I are flying over to watch your latest possum rescue but we are a day early and now you are playing tour guide,what are we doing?

   Honestly there are so many things to do in and around Atlanta and I rarely do any of them! I prefer to sit on the porch and bird watch and at night watch the critters. But if I were to venture out I’d start off by taking you to breakfast at The Red Eyed Mule in Marietta for the best burger you’ll ever eat! Then perhaps we’d stroll up Kennesaw Mountain for a bit of Civil War History. From there we’d hit Art’s Bagels in Acworth for the best Bronx Bomber bagel sandwich. Squeeze in a trip up the road to Chattanooga, TN to visit Jerry at Opie Acres to learn all about possums (technically Opossum but in the south we just call them possums) https://www.facebook.com/OpossumRescueTn/. The night would for sure include a drag show put on by The Armorettes. All of their tips are donated to HIV & AIDS charities in the Atlanta area. https://www.thearmorettes.com  We aren’t into too much of the tourist things here. We’ve been to the aquarium and to the new Braves stadium but with every passing day we both hate crowds more and more and going anywhere almost always involves traffic! So we either go north or stay at home! 

  Oh…..before I forget,if you need a doctor’s note for work or school,Dr. Doogie Howser will write one for either 5.00 or two bags of Temptation treats,your choice.

I like to thank Karen for agreeing to sit and have a chat up. I really love this lady very much and think she is quite amazing.  I’m sure we’ll be seeing more pictures of Doogie as he can continues to cause a ruckus in the Jone’s home.

Karen has a InstaGram page that you can follow here.

Thank you all for your continued support and please feel free to drop a comment below.

8 Questions with……….Animal rescuer Karen Jones Its 1: 15 pm hazy Welcome to 8 Questions with...... Meet my friend Karen,who is one of the kindest and most compassionate people left on this planet.