#BECAUSE SOMEONE GOT FUCKING SCAMMED. AGAIN

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

my god my mom loves getting scammed

[nervousmonolith]

thinking about the whole twt scam situation ™ again ough

[rubberduckyrye]

Man. That Feel When I want to be feral and reveal a bad experience I've had and reveal the person who took my money and kind of ran with it but. Is it worth starting drama over?

I was just thinking about it tbh...

Well I'll say this much: A rather popular DR person (at the time, idk what they're fully up to now) pretty much took over $100.00 from me and ghosted me. I tried to commission them for something but. Well. Again, they just ghosted me. Haven't been able to enjoy their work since they did.

And to note: It was not an artist or fanfic author. I'm not elaborating on this further, but I don't want to feel like I HAVE to keep silent in order to feel like I'm not mud-slinging or people to speculate on innocent people. This is a years-old event that just crops up once in a while and I get upset about it.

So yeah. Bleck.

[redbuddi]

My Day at GameStop ~(Black Friday Edition!)~

(Part 1)

I had to work on the sales floor all day, the manager still has not put me in the system so I still can't ring customers up

A kid like a decade younger than me haughtily explained the PlayStation Portal to me because I got confused when someone asked me about the "Portal PlayStation" (I thought they were talking about the video game "Portal")

A wide-eyed white woman tried to give me tips on managing the sales lines like I was a toddler

A different wide-eyed white woman lurked outside the store while her children shopped, often by peering through the glass or staring at the doorway from a distance. She talked to her kids through the windows

My manager and a separate higher up openly talked about how Best Buy has better deals than us, right in front of the door, potentially scaring off customers by accident

I was asked how much controllers cost by a third wide-eyed white woman. When I said I didn't know she asked again.

A delivery man jumpscared me on purpose for no reason

I didn't clock out for my lunch break and everyone was too busy to notice

I found out my charger was unplugged so my phone did not charge overnight, it was at 21%

I bought a portable charger during my lunch break out of hope to charge phone. Was charged $60 for the tiny charger and a USB-C cable. I was probably scammed

I found out that the portable charger has no battery. Fuck.

The mall had ports I could plug the USB-C into while I ate, crisis averted

But now I'm certain I wasted $60

[deliciousangelfestival]

"Darling, bad luck seems endless." - Bucky Barnes

Summary: You've always been haunted by bad luck your entire life, despising it deeply, until you meet someone who finds it amusing.

Character: dark!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Author's Note: Hello, everyone; this story is for the sleepover event hosted by @the-slumberparty. What I chose is a strawberry sundae with gummy bears as the topping.

Chapter 1 , Chapter 2 .

Main Masterlist || support: Ko-fi

Thank you to anyone who gave a like, reblog, and left a comment. It motivated me to write more.

Bad luck.

You always felt that bad luck followed you everywhere. Growing up, you didn't realize it, but it became clear to you after becoming an adult.

There was one time when you had prepared for an exam, but two days before, you got a high fever and had to take the exam all by yourself.

When you got an offer to study piano abroad, your father's business went bankrupt.

Then, when you finally got into your dream college, your father's business went bankrupt. Again.

When you wanted to study and paid for an extra course, the teacher lied and told you to study alone. It turned out you could learn everything from the internet. You were taken in by his sweet talk because of his experience working in the industry.

After you graduated, you went to work at a studio, but it went bankrupt because the owner embezzled the money to buy a Ferrari.

Then, you were introduced by a relative to an investment. Because you saw her enjoying the profit, you put all your money into the investment. For eight months, it went great, but after that, everything went to hell because it was a scam. You lost the money, the money that your father had left you. It still pains you.

Each time it feels like life is going your way, it soon comes crashing down when you face another misfortune.

As a last resort, you went to a priest but received no answers. You visited a shaman but still found no answers. Then, you went to a paranormal who said, “Bad luck fucks you like Zeus fucks his prey.”

‘Well, shit,’ you thought.

Not knowing what life would bring you, you tried to find another way to make money by taking a class in jewelry making. You pretended to hate it and not enjoy making jewelry.

You were scared that each time you enjoyed or liked something, bad luck would come like judgment day with no warning and take all the joy from you.

But bad luck can't be fooled. It appeared again in another form. It turned out the jewelry store owner was actually a gangster in the diamond business. It was a risky job, but it helped to pay the bills.

Sir Galileo, with his grey hair and special glasses that he always wore to appraise diamonds, was an eccentric man. He always dressed as royalty and wore white gloves. He insisted from the beginning that you call him a 'sir.'

He always brought you with him whenever he went to see a client. Specifically, your job was to drive the car, take notes, and design jewelry for clients. The clients were unique, too: mafia, drug dealers, etc.

Of all the clients, there was only one that caught your attention. You liked him because he was a regular customer and always paid upfront.

James Buchanan Barnes, or his nickname ‘Bucky’. You didn’t know much about him, but he was loaded with money. His mansion, his vintage car collection, and the rings he wore on his fingers were all testaments to his wealth.

Every time you met him, it was always at a different place. It was never the same location.

Damn, each gold and diamond in his rings could solve world hunger. Even Sir Galileo respected Bucky.

Today, Bucky called both of you again.

When you both arrived at a new location, another mansion, you couldn't help but be impressed by its grandeur. The sprawling estate was surrounded by lush gardens and towering gates. The mansion itself was a blend of modern architecture and classic elegance, with large windows reflecting the sunlight and intricate details on every corner.

Bucky looked at you while opening his arms wide. “My Da Vinci,” he greeted warmly.

You blushed when he called you that. His nickname for you always made you feel a mixture of pride and embarrassment. You looked down briefly, trying to hide your flushed cheeks.

“I can't wait to see the design you've made,” he said, turning to Sir Galileo. “And I want you to take a look at that ruby stone I got.”

“Sure,” Sir Galileo replied with a nod.

Once everyone was seated in the lavishly decorated living room, you grabbed your tablet and showed Bucky the jewelry design you had created for him. Instead of the usual ring or bracelet, you had designed a watch that fit his character perfectly—sleek, elegant, and powerful.

Bucky inhaled his cigar, examining the design closely. “This is great,” he said, a rare smile forming on his lips.

You felt a surge of pride when your work was appreciated, but you quickly dismissed the feeling. You didn’t want another bout of bad luck to hit you like a truck.

“How did you get this ruby?” Sir Galileo asked, still scrutinizing the stone with his special glasses.

“Tsk,” Bucky clicked his tongue. “Don’t remind me. My man got hurt getting that.”

“Another incident?” Sir Galileo inquired, raising an eyebrow.

Bucky exhaled smoke from his mouth, his expression darkening. “We’ve never had a casualty like this before. I feel like we have bad luck.”

You flinched when you heard ‘bad luck.’ Could it be that your bad luck had moved to Bucky?

You hoped nothing bad would happen to Bucky because you enjoyed working for him.

But once again, bad luck visited you. This time, it came in the form of a bullet shooting through the window. It was a surprise attack.

“Fuck,” Bucky cursed as he shielded you from the bullet and hid behind a chair.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his face close to yours, making your heartbeat quicken.

“I… I'm fine,” you stammered.

Bucky took a peek out the window, his eyes narrowing. “How did they find out my hideout?” he cursed.

You stayed quiet. Could it be because of you?

Sir Galileo, hiding behind a table, said urgently, “We should run.”

“No shit,” Bucky responded. He called his guards to prepare for an escape.

The three of you stayed low until you reached the garage. You all piled into a black SUV, the engine roaring to life.

Never had you imagined you’d be in a car chase. The adrenaline pumped through your veins as the SUV sped down the driveway, bullets ricocheting off the sides.

The roar of the engine filled your ears as the black SUV tore down the narrow streets. Bucky was driving with a fierce determination, weaving in and out of traffic, while Sir Galileo barked directions from the passenger seat. Behind you, the pursuing cars kept gaining, their headlights piercing through the dusk like the eyes of predators closing in on their prey. Bullets shattered the rear window, and the vehicle swerved violently as you tried to avoid the onslaught.

The situation felt hopeless. You could see the grim set of Bucky���s jaw, the way Sir Galileo’s hands gripped the dashboard. They were in danger because of you. You had to do something. You took a deep breath and made a decision.

“Leave me here,” you said, your voice trembling but resolute.

Bucky glanced at you, confusion and anger flashing across his face. “What? You've got nothing to do with this.”

“I think I do,” you whispered, feeling the weight of your bad luck pressing down on you. You reached for the door handle and flung the door open, the rush of wind pulling at you.

“You're crazy!!!” Bucky yelled, reaching for you, but you were already tumbling out of the car. The asphalt rushed up to meet you, and you hit the ground hard, rolling painfully to a stop. Your body ached all over, but you forced yourself to sit up. Through the haze of pain, you saw Bucky’s car speeding away. Relief washed over you, knowing they had a chance to escape.

“Click.”

The unmistakable sound of a gun being cocked froze you in place. You looked up to see several men emerging from the pursuing cars, their guns trained on you.

“You’re coming with us,” one of them said, his voice cold and devoid of emotion.

They hauled you to your feet, roughly searching you for weapons. You winced at the pain but felt a grim satisfaction knowing Bucky and Sir Galileo were getting away. The men shoved you towards one of their cars, and you knew your fate was now in their hands.

🍀🍀🍀🍀

The days blurred together as you sat in a dimly lit room, the only illumination coming from a bare bulb hanging from the ceiling. Your captors had bound your wrists to the chair, and the rough rope chafed against your skin. They had been relentless, taking turns to interrogate you, their questions a mix of frustration and suspicion.

“Tell us about Bucky,” one of them demanded, leaning in close, his breath reeking of tobacco and stale beer.

“I’m just a jewelry designer,” you insisted, your voice hoarse from hours of questioning.

“No. You’re more than that,” he sneered. “Barnes never invited the same person more than twice. You must mean something to him.”

You blinked in surprise. That was news to you. Bucky had always seemed so casual, so composed. You had no idea he had such strict rules.

“I told you, I’m just a designer,” you repeated, trying to maintain your composure.

‘BANG.’

Suddenly, an explosion rocked the hideout. The walls shook, and dust rained down from the ceiling. Panic spread through the room as your captors scrambled, their plans falling apart.

“Fuck! Nothing’s going our way!” one of them shouted, his voice tinged with fear.

You couldn’t help but think that maybe this was your fault, that your bad luck had followed you here and was now wreaking havoc on these gangsters. The thought made your stomach churn with guilt.

Then, you heard gunshots. The sharp cracks echoed through the building, and you instinctively covered your ears, trying to block out the chaos. Moments later, the door burst open, and you saw Bucky standing there, a fierce determination in his eyes. He quickly dispatched your captors with a series of precise shots, his movements fluid and lethal.

“Fuck,” Bucky muttered, surveying the scene before his eyes locked onto you. He holstered his gun and hurried to your side, cutting the ropes that bound you.

Bucky helped you stand up, his eyes searching your face. “I still can't believe you."

“Me?” you began, trying to find the right words.

Bucky cut you off, a rare, almost gentle smile touching his lips. “You’re the only woman willing to sacrifice for me.”

He still can't believe that a girl like you, whom he only knew as a designer, was willing to sacrifice for him. Bucky has been interested in you because of your background, wondering how a good girl like you could end up working with Sir Galileo.

“It’s all…” You started, but then you felt something cold press against the side of your forehead.

'Click.'

You gasped in shock, your heart pounding as you realized Bucky was pointing a gun at you.

Bucky’s smile turned cold and frightening. “Now, dear, tell me why you said it’s all because of you before you jumped off the car.”

“Because I'm bad luck,” you whispered, your voice trembling.

“Huh?” Bucky's eyes narrowed.

“You probably think I’m insane, but I bring bad luck wherever I go,” you explained, your voice shaking.

“Hah!” Bucky's eyes widened for a moment before he burst into laughter. “Hahahaha…”

He laughed so hard that he wiped a tear from his eye. “This is getting more interesting.”

His laughter sent chills down your spine. He found it amusing, but to you, it was a curse. His grip on the gun didn’t waver as he stepped closer, his presence overpowering.

Bucky leaned in, his breath warm against your skin. “We’ll get along just fine,” he said, his voice a low, dangerous whisper.

Taglist:

@thezombieprostitute

@thetravelingtyper

@scott-loki-barnes

@mostlymarvelgirl

@chemtrails-club

@dexter99

@seresingirlie

@missvelvetsstuff

@kjah97

@tfatwsoldir

[livelaughlovesubs]

guess who's back, back again, it's 🃏 anon back at it again!

so. Sampo Koski (i'm fully inclined to say his full ass name because why not, it's hilarious) recently i had a big craving for his bratty little ass, so i was thinking, maybe reader (gn or otherwise) getting way too tired of his quips and just... fucking him roughly, rough sex, bondage (or any form of BDSM), some (or a lot of) manhandling and a teensy bit of a blood (either from clawing or biting can work!) can work really well!

but honestly, go wild i don’t really mind whatsoever, i’m swamped with work right now and i just need to satisfy my needs from them lolol.

so, again, have fun with this request!

from, le 🃏 anon!

Hello hello~! Great to see you again. After two whole months, I hope you aren’t that swamped with work anymore? Haha

Dom!reader x sub!sampo - reader is gn

Warning: bondage, pegging (I use dick), rough sex, slapping, manhandling, chocking, scratching, mention of death, hair pulling, edging

It was a mistake to trust him.

Seriously, this man is wanted by the guards and owns the infamous image of a liar, how could you believe in his words? Maybe they were just too sweet, too tempting and irresistible. Even so, it doesn’t justify how stupid you were to trust him. That sweet yet two faced smile, it made you blind. I mean- how dared he scam you with low quality ropes?!

All you wanted was to buy some nice, pretty ropes, and he even gave you a discount. Then he talked big about how well he threats his customers, and that he’d personally bring it to your house. Though the moment you glanced at the item, seeing the rough texture and poor handicraft, your jaw dropped. No wonder the price was so damn cheap, this guy tried to rip you off! Who did he take you for? This won’t do, you wasn’t someone easy who’d let it slide after him apologising. You’ve been so excited to receive it after all, that’s why you had to teach him a lesson.

You grabbed him by his arm and dragged him inside, throwing him onto the ground. The rope slipped from his hands, landing next to him. A cold look in your eyes and you kicked his sides, telling him to get onto the bed. He eventually obliged, then you began stripping his clothes. Sampo let you do it with a sheepish smile and dropping eyes, chuckling satisfied. That lewd little fox just loved it when you are rough with him, when you push him around and put him in his place. Now his face was being pushed into a fluffy pillow while his ass was high in the air, kneeling basically. Wrists near his ankle as you brought the red rope closer to him, straightening it out then whispering, “hold still.”

With a swift move, you tightened the knot around his wrist, pulling with all your strength. He groaned a little and bawled his hands into fists, fully aware that there will be bruises on the next day. “Most esteemed customer~ why… are you testing your product on me?” His voice got higher towards the end, a sense of excitement hidden under the surface. “Hah, come on, we are more than just merchant and buyer.” You reminded him while giving his bare butt a harsh slap, leaving behind a red mark. “Nghh~! Ahaha! Oh y/n, you are as fascinating as ever.”

That’s right, you two have shared some intimacy before and despite the relationship you both had he still tried to scam you. “Save your flattery for later. Now, tell me, does this feel like quality ropes?” You asked him with a scorn, in the meantime opening the lit of a bottle. The tall male had a rather sarcastic expression, acting like he didn’t know. Though the answer was as clear as day. He could feel it rub against his flesh, irritating and burning his skin. It had an itchy feeling to it, yet it also hurt, causing the area around it to turn red.

A faint blush covered the cheeks of the boy. His breathing was heavy and ragged, sweat forming on his forehead. Then you grabbed his roots and yanked on his hair, making him arch his back into a crescent shape, mumbling, “answer me.” The rather rough treatment was immediately met with a loud moan, “uhhH-nNNGhhh~! Ah, be gentle, y/n..” finally he looked at you, mouth parted and tongue hanging out a little. His face also reddened by a few shades, the corners of his lips were curled into a grin.

“I take it you know what this means for you?” You sighed and asked him, squeezing a large amount of lube onto your inner palm. He acted like he didn’t know, staying quiet and making a -hmm?- sound. So you continued with, “your punishment, for deceiving me.” Then you stuck two fingers inside his hole, fingering him sloppily. “Punish.. ment? Ah-ngHhhh..! To-too rough~♡” Sampo threw his head back, his blue-white hair bouncing around. “Yes, punishment for bad boys.”

Seeing how he shuddered and shook, you deemed him prepared enough and pulled your fingers out. Afterwards you lined the tip of your length to his hole, followed by you dropping the bottle onto the ground and grabbing his waist with both hands. Holding him, making him stick his ass out some more. “Mhmm~ ha, haah… don’t hold back now, dear customer.” His breathing became even more ragged, he was obviously enjoying this. “What a fucking whore.” You chuckled, giving his bottom another squeeze, spreading his hole with two fingers before penetrating him.

You slowly pushed the tip in, noticing how his shoulders jerked upwards, the oh so familiar grin returned to his wet lips. Since he was taking this so well, you might as well speeding up the process. With one snap of your hip, you pushed the rest of it inside him, your pelvis hitting his ass. “NgGGHhh~!! Ah- f-fuck, so good, more, ha- mHm, do me harder ♡♥︎!” Sampo cried out, hands wrapped around his own ankle, grip tightening with all his might. He wanted to trash around so bad, though the restrains weren’t bulging in the slightest. Keeping him in check, unmoving and restricted.

Without wasting much time, you began moving, thrusting your dick in and out of him at a fast pace. “AhHh!” He moaned at the sensation, at you rubbing against his walls and hitting places so deep inside him that it made him see stars. Then you leaned closer to him, grabbing his hair again as you whispered into his ear, “You said harder? Let’s see if you can take it then.” After that you licked his earlobe, running your tongue all over the shell while moving your hips ruthlessly. “NGhhh! Y/nnn~! Ah, t-touch me more!” He whimpered, wanting you to show some attention to his leaking member, but you ignored him.

Instead, you opened your mouth and bit his shoulder, trying to raise the speed even more. The hand on his hip gripped him harsh enough to leave bruises, the other one accidentally ripped off some strains of hair from his scalp. You bit down even more when his voice hitched, enough to draw out some fresh drops of blood. At this point he was a withering mess, crying with such a dumb yet blissful expression on his face, his blush spread to his shoulders as well. “OoOhhhH, AHHnnHgg fuuuck!! There, r-right there, so good, fuck me more, more!!” A series of unintelligible words left him, echoing through the lust-ridden room.

The pain he felt from your rough treatment, from the newly gotten bruises and wounds all faded away the moment you found his sweet spot. Not only that, you’ve been abusing that poor area with such brutality he felt like he was gonna die. Each time the tip pressed and hammered against that spot, his head would empty themselves and more tears would fell from his eyes. Drool was hanging out of his mouth as you relentlessly pounded into him, panting and doing your best to keep the tempo up.

“Hah… this is hardly a punishment for you, isn’t it?” You scoffed under your breath, feeling a little bothered by it. That’s why you slapped and scratched his butt again, cursing out, “look at what a fucking pervert you are, Sampo koski.” After drawing some blood with your nails, you insulted him, smirking sadistic. His face was quite a sight to behold, so chaotic and blushy, so damn adorable. “UhHHmm!~♡♥︎ GuUughhh!!” All he did was whimpering and moaning like some dog in heat, struggling against his restrains while his cock leaked his filthy pre onto the bed. With all the remaining strength he had, he meekly trust his hips back against you, trying to get you to go even further.

Then you stopped, very abruptly. “Ah-ahhh..?” A confused squeak escaped him. Hands still holding his hips while he sobbed into the pillow, but you didn’t move at all. “Shall I just leave you like this? Considering you aren’t seeing this as a punishment.” You asked yourself, though talked loud enough for him to hear, you wanted him to know. “uhhh- huuu~?? N-no! Don’t stop y-yet!” His voice was rough and hoarse from his screaming his lungs out. That man really has no shame considering how loud his volume was the entire time.

He turned his head back, trying to look at you. And when he did, a shiver ran down his spine, almost enough to push him over the edge. You were smiling with your eyes, a dangerous look, one that told him to run away r he’d regret it. But, to him, he was already too deep in this mess to escape. This was going to be a long night for him, and he knew since the beginning. “You wanna cum, Sampo?” You began, leaning down to his level again. By doing so you pushed your dick a little deeper in and he whined at the friction. The male didn’t respond with words, he only nodded his head hesitantly, meekly. A sense of fear and pleasure bubbling inside him. How he loved to feel like nothing next to you.

Next thing he knew you clasped one hand over his eyes and wrapped the other one around his throat, squeezing him, about it choke him. “Be a good boy and endure it. If I’m satisfied, I’ll let you cum.”

His heart pounded against his chest, he felt lightheaded. All the ecstasy and anticipation was making him dizzy with lust. He didn’t even have to think twice before groaning with a low voice, “yes, please, toy with me. Kill me with your love♡”

[lilacgaby]

title: el malo

pairing: prisoner!toji x ex!reader

summary: "pero sigo siendo el malo que no dejas de querer." toji won't change, you know it. but you can't get him out of your head.

toji got caught, you'd warned him over and over to stop hanging around those people, cried for him to listen to you before this happened.

you were witness as he was slammed into a car, handcuffed and bound as you tried to run to him, held back by the officers and the patrols now trying to follow the rest of the group who'd ditched him the second they could.

he was locked in a cell, annoyed as he examined the living conditions he'd face for an unset amount of time.

he should've listened to you.

after months of visiting, paying for calls and sending him money, you grew sick and tired.

everytime you came to visit him he wore a smirk, his hand against the glass as he talked as if everything was fine, as if this was normal in any regard.

it exhausted you to no avail.

finally, you made up your mind. looking into his sharpened green eyes through the bullet proof glass, the guards surveillance something you'd never gotten used to. you sighed, looking down at your anxious hands. "i'm not coming to see you anymore."

the only real emotion you'd seen from him in months popped out, despair, anxiousness, and anger in his gaze.

"you're fucking lying." he muttered, slamming his hand against the glass. did it crack a little? "look at me, look at me and say you don't love me."

"you don't love me! you never did, because if you did you would've taken me seriously!" you yelled, ignoring the looks of the others beside you.

his face scrunched up in annoyance. "i made mistakes. we all do! we've went through hell but i've never stopped loving you."

"no, no stop it." you crossed your arms now, watching as he kept his arm hung up on the glass, the phone in his other hand.

"say you don't love me."

"this-- this isn't love! this is a fucking mess toji."

"say it, because this has nothing to do with love and you know it!"

a moment of silence passed over you two, your time was now running low as he stared at your eyes, now turning glassy. your hands shakily started moving, playing with your fingers.

finally, with tears in your eyes, your promised ring now in your the palm of your hand, you say it, "i- i don't love you."

you discarded the phone on the table, green eyes following you as you left your ring right next to it. you scurried out, leaving a distant minded toji sat in the chair, the phone still in hand.

his days locked up were now spent reminiscing of the times you'd spent together, the years you'd lost on him. the tears you'd spent warning him.

your hands tied around his waist as he rode you around the city on his motorcycle, his laughs as you held him impossibly tighter.

the dates you'd go on, expensive but oh so worth it to see you dressed up just for him.

he slammed the bars of his cage as he thought about how you must be doing that with someone new now. his face against the iron, a glint in his eye, a hurtful one.

his fists were now bruised and his face bloodied, thought not with his own blood, as he fought in the courtyard again. he was letting his frustrations out on the other prisoners, who now seemed like saints compared to him, because he'd picked up your phone.

toji finally sucked up his pride and chose to call just for that loser to pick up? he was filled with rage instantly, cursing the man out and sending him threats before slamming the phone on the receiver.

you acted like you didn't know who toji was, shrugging your shoulders and pretending like it was a scam call, but disappointed you weren't there to pick it up. you missed him more than you cared to admit.

toji knew you were moving on, he was told about how your new boyfriend bought you an apartment together. how he'd post about your dates and month anniversaries all day long,

funny how you didn't speak of him as much.

funny how your boyfriend seemed to look like an extremely downgraded version of him.

funny how you'd look at your new boyfriend, and try to find the features that reminded you of him.

it wasn't his fault really, you needed a rebound and he was just so desperate for you, kneeling at your every move. treating you so sweetly, and yet..

you knew you didn't love him at all. he was just a placeholder. you thought you did for a brief moment, but you just liked the way he made you feel.

did you feel bad playing with his heart for four years? not really, but the fear of commitment lie went out the door the second he found out about toji, connecting the dots.

you left him with nothing more than a wave, packing your things and leaving the house keys on the marble that he'd chose for you. driving away to somewhere mindless.

that was a lie though. as you pulled over to the side of the road, parking by a sign warning of towing, toji peeked into the window, a smirk overcoming his scarred lips.

his biceps bulged through his compression shirt, the years of training in prison evident in his muscle definition. the orange prison slacks he wore, evidence of his recent departure, were baggy and hung over his shoes. his hair was long and unkempt, it looked like he cut it himself.

he leaned over, slinging a hand into the car window.

"is this seat taken?"

"for you?

...

never."

[cosmicdahlias]

Here For You

MINORS DNI

Your stalker ex has been relentless as of late. You found a threatening note on your car and no longer feel safe at your place. Your research partner offers to let you stay with him and the two of you grow incredibly close.

warnings: abuse, stalking, HUGE age gap (reader is in their 20’s), premature ejaculation, oral, p in v, creampie, knives, blood, suicide mention, unplanned pregnancy, birth

holy shiiiit this one is long for me, over 7k!!! i included my cat in this fic, beans! he’s my darling little man who I love very much!!! his name comes from his paw pads looking like little coffee beans. obvious juno reference at the end is obvious, love that movie to death.

You awoke to sunlight streaming through the gaps in the blinds of your apartment window. You stretched and rolled out of bed, making your way to the bathroom to brush your teeth and shower. You dried yourself off and returned the bedroom, pulling out a t-shirt and a pair of jeans from your dresser and putting them on.

As you bent over to put on your shoes, your siamese cat, Beans, weaved his way in between your legs. You reached out to scratch behind his ears and he leaned into your hand in approval. You grabbed your keys and locked the door behind you, heading down the steps to your car. A note lay on the windshield.

Expecting it to be some sort of scam, not unlike the ones your research partner’s brother was famous for, you picked it up to inspect it. As you read, you recognized the handwriting and felt all of the color drain from your face. This was anything but someone looking to make a quick buck.

“Y/n

You can’t shut me out of your life forever. Just because you keep calling the cops doesn’t mean I’m giving up. WE HAD SOMETHING! Try calling them again and see what happens, I don’t care. Nothing is gonna come between us and if I find out you’re fucking anyone else I’ll make sure no one can ever have you again.”

This unfortunately had become the norm for you, your ex boyfriend had been relentless in pursuing you. This note however was aggressive, even for him. You had called the police so many times that you’d lost count. Due to his father being a lawyer, an incredibly good one at that, he always seemed to beat the charges. At this point you didn’t even bother with getting the law involved, you knew he would always come out on top.

You had met him in the year your research partner, Stanford Pines, was off at sea with his brother. You broke up with your ex a week before they returned, so at the very least he didn’t know where you worked. Despite being a kitschy tourist trap, the Mystery Shack was one of the only places you felt safe. You stuffed the threatening note in your pocket. If something happened, you might as well have the evidence to incriminate him.

You got in your car and turned your keys, making your way to work on the outskirts of town. The entire drive you struggled to fight back tears. As you pulled up to the shack you felt yourself begin to spiral. You slammed the car door, sat down on the couch on the front porch and sobbed. You were so exhausted and terrified. You seriously didn’t know how much more of this you could take. You began to shake when you heard the front door open and you quickly attempted to wipe away your tears.

“There you are, y/n. I was worried when you weren’t in the lab at your usual time. It’s incredibly unlike you to not be punctua- oh dear, is everything alright?” Ford said with great worry.

“I- I’m fine, it’s nothing.” You said, trying to hide a sniffle and failing.

He sat next to you on the couch.

“If it were nothing you wouldn’t be crying like this. Now tell me, what’s wrong?”

“It’s- it’s just… my ex again. I found this on my car this morning.”

You handed him the note and watched as his eyes scanned the words. His face fell, expression serious.

“Y/n this is horrible, you need to go to the poli-“

“You know nothing ever comes of it! His fucking lawyer dad gets him out of it every time!” You said, beginning to sob again.

“I’m so sorry, y/n. I know firsthand what it’s like to have someone you once loved turn against you, threaten to hurt you for breaking things off. I promise I’m here for you.” He said, putting a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

“I- I don’t know what I’m going to do. He knows where I live and I can’t just move out, I don’t have the funds for that. What if he decides to do something? What if he hurts me or, god forbid, Beans?”

He took his chin in his hand, thinking. You could tell he was trying to come up with a solution. If there was one thing you knew about Ford it was that he was a fixer.

“How about this? You can stay here for a while. He never got to know that you work here, right? Tonight after we finish up in the lab we can head to your place and I’ll help you pack the essentials.”

You felt your heart thump in your chest. You had secretly harbored a crush on Ford for quite some time, since the day you first met. So the idea of living with him, possibly growing closer, seemed like an incredibly shiny silver lining.

“That sounds grea- wait, what about Beans?“

“Of course he can come with you! I’ll have a word with Stanley if he tries to give you grief over it, but I’m certain once I fill him in tonight on the situation he’ll understand.”

That night you drove with Ford to your apartment. Thankfully your ex was nowhere in sight. You led him up the stairs and unlocked the door, as you swung it open Beans greeted you with a long, loud meow. Ford smiled.

“Ah, so this is the little scoundrel I’ve heard so much about.”

Beans circled his legs and rubbed his head against them. Normally when men came over he acted incredibly aloof, so to see him be so affectionate, especially a man he’d never met, did something to your heart. You already felt safe with Ford beforehand, but now even more so.

“Alright, let’s get started!” Ford said, rolling up his sleeves.

-

You finished loading the last of your things into the trunk of your car. Beans sat in his carrier in the backseat.

“Are you sure you have everything?” Ford asked.

“Positive.”

“Good, let’s head back.”

You made the drive to the shack along winding, pine tree flanked roads. When you arrived Stan was waiting on the front porch. He and Ford helped move your stuff into the room their niece and nephew shared when they came to visit.

You let Beans out of his carrier, he laced himself between Stan’s legs and any possible hangups you might’ve had about staying in a house with two old men quickly vanished.

“Heh, you know I used to have a cat once, Freeloader. Found her digging around in my trash.” Stan chuckled.

“Alright, Stanley, let’s give them a chance to settle in.” Ford said.

They turned to leave the room.

“Give us a holler if you need anything, kid.” Stan said as Ford shut the door behind them.

You flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Beans hopped onto you, sitting in a loaf on your chest. You gave him his favorite thing, a scritch behind the ear and he purred happily. Between the gentle rumble of your cat and finally being able to relax in a place that felt safe, you began to drift off. You awoke an hour later to a knock.

“Y/n?” Ford’s voice called from behind the door.

You made a motion to get up, Beans leapt down and you crossed the room to open the door.

“What’s up?”

“So, there’s a documentary about Yellowstone that’s going to start in a few minutes. I know it’s something that would be interesting to you and I figured it might be a good distraction from the unpleasantries of this morning. Just a suggestion though.”

He fidgeted with his hands and looked at the floor… was he blushing? You smiled, taking him up on the offer.

“Sounds good.”

He smiled back. “Perfect.”

You both descended the stairs to the living room, Beans trotting behind you. Ford gestured to the recliner.

“I figure you deserve the better seat.”

“A gentleman as always, Ford.” You said, sitting down.

He pulled a chair from the nearby table and sat next to you. Beans jumped into your lap and curled up. You leaned back into the chair as the documentary opened with a scene of wolves hunting in the wintertime.

As time passed your mind began to wander to memories of past relationships. Sadly, men like your ex were a pattern in your life, you always seemed to attract the worst of the worst. You wanted so badly to just have a happy and healthy relationship like all of your friends. Yet no matter how hard you tried to find a decent one, they always turned out to be awful. Tears started to fall as these thoughts ran through you. Ford could see it out of the corner of his eye. He turned to you, face full of concern.

“Y/n? What’s the matter?”

“No, it’s stupid.” You sniffled.

“Whatever it is, if it’s making you feel this way, then it’s not stupid.”

You took a breath, looking down. “I just… I feel like no matter what I do I bring horrible men into my life. I try and try so hard to make sure I find one that’ll treat me right, but just as I start to feel safe they betray me in one way or another. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. It feels like I’m cursed. Maybe I just don’t deserve any of the good ones.”

He took your cheek in his hand, wiping away your tears with his thumb and turning your head to face him.

“Hey, look at me. Don’t ever think that you’re not worthy of a good man’s time. You’re incredibly brilliant, creative, and compassionate. You have a fantastic sense of humor and your beauty is breathtaking.”

You turned bright red.

“You think I’m beautiful?”

“Absolutely, without question. Were I a younger man I would’ve-“

You leaned in and cut him off with a kiss, he pulled back.

“Wh- what are you doing?”

“Ford… I like you, so much. I think I always have.”

“I- I have too, but… I can’t. It wouldn’t be right. You’ve been through so much lately, I feel like I’d be giving you whiplash.”

You set Beans down on the floor, standing and moving to straddle Ford’s lap. You felt him grow instantly hard against you. He stared at you, eyes filled with a primal need. He was doing everything he could to hold himself back, keeping his hands at his sides.

“I want this, Ford.”

“N- no you’re so much younger than me, I feel like I would be taking advantage of you. You don’t want an old man like me.”

You laced your fingers in his hair, kissing him far more passionately than before. He didn’t pull back this time.

You whispered into his ear. “But I do though. I really, really do.”

He let his hands travel to your back, bringing you closer. He pressed his lips to yours and moaned softly into your mouth, then broke away to pepper kisses into your neck.

“Oh, Ford.” You moaned.

He returned his lips to you and began testing the waters with his tongue when he heard a loud clearing of the throat. Both of you turned your heads to see Stan in the doorway.

“Look uhhh, I’m happy for you two and all, but… c’mon get a room.”

Ford huffed. “Stanley, there is such a thing as looking the other way.”

“Hey! I live in this house too!” Stan retorted, crossing his arms.

Ford shot him a look that said “I’m in the middle of something here.”

“Fine, fine. Just try not to make a mess on the furniture.” Stan grumbled, waving a hand and turning to leave.

Ford waited until Stan was out of sight before picking you up underneath your thighs and moving to sit in the recliner with you in his lap.

“Now, where were we?” He purred.

He kissed you deeply and you slipped your hands down to the hem of your shirt, beginning to lift it up. Ford put his hands to yours.

“No, not now.” Ford said between kisses.

“But… don’t you want this?”

“More than anything, just not tonight. Making love with you is something I want to work up to.”

“You’d be the first man in my life to do so.”

“Well, no offense, but I think I can do far better than the brutes who dared to think they were worthy of your affection. Someone like you deserves respect.”

You kissed him again, grinding against the bulge in his pants. He buried his head into your neck and whimpered.

“Oh god- ah- it- it’s been over 30 years since I’ve been with someone. Even just feeling you against me is almost t- too much. Hhhnh.”

You leaned down and bit his neck, this was apparently more than what poor old touch starved Ford could take. He cocked his head back, giving an exceedingly loud moan and bucking his hips as he came.

“Ford… did you-“

He turned beet red, putting a hand to his forehead.

“In the name of- I’m so sorry. Like I said it’s been so long and you’re incredibly gorgeous, I couldn’t help it.”

You pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“It’s okay, I’m kind of flattered that I could work you up this much.”

He kissed you and stood, lifting you up and setting you on the recliner.

“Well… I need to take care of this. I’ll be right back.”

-

A week and a half had gone by with you and Ford growing incredibly close. On this particular early spring afternoon Ford led you on a hike to one of his favorite spots, a meadow that lay at the base of the mountains. The sun hung low in the sky, turning it a mix of orange and pink. Ford pulled out a blanket from his rucksack, unfurling it and setting it in the tall grass. He sat and patted the spot next to him and you sat next to him as he pulled out a bottle of red wine and two glasses.

“Ford Pines, look at you being a romantic.”

“I spent 30 years away from all possible comforts of another human being. It gave me a lot of time to think about how I would treat my love should I ever have the chance again.”

You put a hand to his cheek and kissed him.

“I’m glad to be yours.”

He uncorked the bottle and poured it into both glasses, handing one to you. You clinked them and as his eyes met yours you couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked in the light of the golden hour.

After you finished your glasses, Ford moved in closer, kissing you passionately, the sweet taste of wine on his breath. His hands wandered up and down your body. You had become very familiar with his touch in the short time of living with him, but this time the way he moved his hands on you felt different, a strong feeling of desire.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you wanted to do more than just drink wine.” You said.

“Why do you think I brought you out here? With Stanley in the house we’d have to be quiet. But here?” He said between kisses. “Here you can be as loud as you want. That and I’ve always wanted to make love in the beauty of nature.”

“Stanford Pines, how dare you have an ulterior motive!” You said, playfully swatting him on the back of the head.

“I’m sorry, love. I’ve been planning this for days, since that first night we shared. I wanted things to be perfect for our first time.”

“You? Having meticulously thought out plans? Never would’ve guessed.” You teased.

Ford’s hands wandered south and began to tug up at your shirt.

“Is this okay?”

You nodded.

“Good girl.”

You turned bright red and Ford gave a devilish smile.

“Oh? Do you like that?”

“I may or may not have a praise kink.”

“Duly noted.”

He lifted your shirt over your head and wrapped his arms around your back to unhook your bra. He slid the straps off your shoulders and stared longingly at your chest.

“Dear moses, your breasts are incredible.”

He took one in his hand, stroking your nipple with his thumb. You moaned softly at his touch.

“Does it feel that good?” He asked.

“No it’s not that, I’ve just wanted your hands on me like this for so long. You don’t know the things I’ve imagined about you since we met.”

He kissed you deeply.

“I think you’ll be pleased to know our fantasies aligned. Not long after we met I would spend my nights stroking myself to the thought of you. God, there were times you’d be down in the lab and you would unintentionally brush up against me. I’d grow hard instantly and have to head upstairs to my room to take care of it.”

“So that explains why you’d come back down all breathless and red-faced.”

He chuckled. “And I thought I was doing a good job at hiding it.”

Ford returned to undressing you, sliding your shorts down your legs. He traced the delicate lace of your panties with his fingers. He hooked his thumbs underneath them and slowly pulled them off you. He looked down, you were dripping.

“So wet for me already, dear god you’re perfect.”

Ford lowered himself down your body, leaving a trail of kisses in his wake. He reached your pussy, his warm breath felt incredibly good. He locked his lips around your clit, licking it, somewhat ineptly, with the tip of his tongue.

“You taste so good, far sweeter than semen.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at his choice of words. He stopped, looking up at you.

“W- what? What did I say?”

“Just you and your need to use scientifically accurate terms.”

He cocked an eyebrow.

“Would you prefer I used ‘cum’?”

“Well quite frankly if you say ‘I’m going to ejaculate’ later I think I might never fuck you again.”

He chuckled. “Fair enough, princess.”

He returned his tongue clumsily to your clit for a moment before pausing again.

“Am I doing okay?”

“I mean… to be blunt it seems like you don’t have much experience with this.”

“Oh dear, I’m sorry. This is all new to me. It’s embarrassing to admit at my age, but you’re the first person with female anatomy I’ve ever had sex with. So quite frankly I have little idea of- mmf!”

You silenced him by gripping is hair and shoving his mouth to your clit.

“You’ll find it’s pretty intuitive. Just treat it like the head of your cock.”

He heeded your advice, sucking and swirling his tongue around your clit sloppily, you shuddered in pleasure. If the first thing you knew about Ford was that he’s a fixer, the second was that he’s a fast learner. He growled against your clit and you whimpered loudly, tightening your grip on his hair.

“Did that feel good, love?”

“Dear god, t- the vibrations.”

He sucked furiously, rolling his tongue against you. You arched your back. The pleasure started to feel overwhelming, you weren’t going to last much longer. You started to buck your hips against his mouth.

“Good girl, cum for me.”

His words of praise completely undid you, cumming all over his face with a loud moan. He didn’t stop, coaxing a second orgasm from you, then a third. You shook, completely overstimulated.

“Oh jesus, F- Ford.”

“Sorry, sweetheart. I’ve read the female orgasm can happen in multiples and I couldn’t resist testing it for myself.”

You giggled. “I’d expect no less from a man of science.”

Ford stood and removed his trench coat and sweater. Scars covered his body, you assumed from a mix of Bill’s abuse and years of trying to survive in different dimensions. Somehow his scars made him hotter. Ford noticed your eyes wandering back and forth along his scarred torso.

“Sorry, I know it’s not the most appealing to look at with all of the damag-“

“No, no! I like it actually.” You interrupted.

He blushed.

“Y- you do?”

“It makes you look tougher.” You purred.

“God, you know just how to make this old man feel attractive.” He said, returning to taking off his clothes.

He undid his belt and slid his pants down his legs. His cock strained in his boxers, from the outline alone you could see he was huge. He slipped his thumbs into his boxers and pulled them off. You couldn’t help staring at his cock, you bit your lip. Ford sat and pulled you onto his lap, kissing you. You could taste yourself on him. He laid back on the blanket.

“Ready? I know I can be kind of big for some, so take it slow. I don’t want you hurting yourself.” He said softly.

You nodded and lowered yourself slowly on his cock, letting your pussy adjust to being stretched by his intimidating girth until you reached the hilt.

“Oh dear god, I’ve n- never felt anything like this. You feel incredible, stardust. So warm and- nnnnh- wet.”

“Did you just call me stardust?”

“Do you not like it?”

You leaned down and kissed him.

“No, I love it.”

You began to move yourself on him, lifting and dropping your hips.

“A- ah yes, that’s it, good girl. You feel so perfect. Absolutely perfect.”

Ford let his hand travel between your thighs, stroking your clit with his thumb.

“How does that feel? Good?” He asked.

“U- uh huh.” You whimpered.

You rested your hands on his chest, moving in a motion to slide Ford’s cock fully in and out of you. He tilted his head back.

“G- god, you don’t know how long I dreamed of this, of you.” He whimpered.

“As have I, and… I have a confession to make. I used to touch myself while thinking of you too, I did it the that night after we met. And I- oh god, this is so embarrassing- I ah, stole one of your sweaters once. I’ve always loved your scent and I would make myself cum while taking it in.”

He chuckled. “So that’s where that went, but it’s good to know I wasn’t the only one unable to resist the urge of touching oneself to the sole thought of their research partner. You drove me absolutely wild, you still do.”

You started to move faster, your breathing becoming shallow. Ford could sense you were close, so was he.

“M- may I cum in you? Will you cum with me?“

“Please.” You said through shaky breaths.

He tightened his grip on your hip and began to buck into you while increasing the speed to your clit. You felt the pressure within you build, you were right on the edge. You cocked your head back.

“Oh god, I’m gonna- hhnnn.”

He reached up to cup your chin and tilted your face down to look at him.

“Look into my eyes. I want to see your eyes when you cum.”

You looked down at him at the exact moment you felt your body ignite in pleasure. The feeling of your pussy spasming around Ford’s cock immediately sent him over. He released your clit, both hands holding firm on your hips as he slammed you down on the full length of his cock, shooting every single drop of cum inside you. The warmth flooded your insides.

“Oh god, y/n!” He moaned.

His hips slowed, the only sound either of you made was heavy panting as your pleasure subsided. Ford pulled you down into a kiss. You got off of him and laid with your head against his chest. You both lay in silence until you remembered something he had said minutes ago.

“Ford, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, anything.”

“You said I’m your first person with female anatomy. So… who was your actual first?”

Ford smiled, you could tell the question had brought back memories.

“It was so long ago. He was my old college roommate, then years later became my research partner. It seems I have a habit of developing feelings for my coworkers.” He chuckled.

“Wait, McGucket?”

He laughed. “Yes, you wouldn’t know it now, but back then Fidds was quite the catch. I’ll have to show you a picture sometime. We experimented heavily during college, neither of us willing to admit that we wanted something more. Then, after he came to work with me on the portal, we were mature enough to confess our feelings to each other. It was perfect, just the two of us, but then I-“

He let his words fade, looking off into afternoon sky. His eyes seemed wistful.

“I don’t know… between how I treated him at the end, most likely being the straw that broke the camel’s back in his marriage, and sending him down a spiral that would destroy his sanity… I still harbor a lot of guilt. Bill was using me, but I used Fiddleford too. I know he and Emma-May had been on the rocks for quite a while, yet I still feel responsible. After Weirdmageddon we rekindled our friendship and I apologized for ruining his life, but I live with knowing I can never undo the damage I caused.”

He turned his gaze to you, taking your cheek in his hand.

“Y/n, I never want to hurt you like I hurt him. I want to be a better man, a better partner than I ever was for him.”

You kissed him.

“Ford, I trust you. I can sense the effort, and that’s all I could ask for.”

He kissed you back.

“What did I ever do to deserve someone as perfect as you?”

-

Two weeks had passed. You were once again spending a late evening with Ford in the lab. He set down his pen and stood from his chair, coming behind you and putting his hands on your waist. He kissed your neck.

“So I was thinking we could call it early tonight. There’s supposed to be a meteor shower. How about you and I hike to the nearby hill where we’ll have a good view of the event?”

You turned to face him and smiled.

“Sounds perfect, Ford.”

“Fantastic. You can head outside and wait for me, I just need to speak with Stanley about something first.”

“See you shortly, then.” You said, standing on tiptoe to kiss his cheek.

You made your way up the stairs, walking through the shack and out to the front porch. You stared up into the night sky and caught a glimpse of a few bright streaks. You couldn’t have asked for more perfect weather for something like this.

You smiled and thought to yourself. “For all of the chaos I’ve been through, things are finally starting to look u-“

You froze as a dark figure crept out from the side of the shack.

“Thought I wouldn’t find you, huh? You’ve been busy, whoring yourself out for some old man. It’s fucking pathetic. You know what has to happen now, I warned you what I’d do if I found out you weren’t being faithful to me.” Your ex threatened, brandishing a knife.

You wanted to run, but your legs wouldn’t move. You did the next best thing and screamed.

“FORD!”

He pounced on you and sunk the knife into your chest, you tried to scream again, but all of the air in you left. He had punctured your lung.

-

Ford stood in the empty gift shop with Stan. Soos counted the day’s profits at the till. The brothers were in the middle of a discussion.

“Yes, but what I think is important is that-“

“FORD!”

Stan and Ford looked at each other, silently agreeing by your tone that something serious had happened and booked it outside, Soos followed. Ford swung open the door to see you collapse to the ground, your ex boyfriend standing over you. He looked up at Stan and Ford in the doorway, but before he could turn to run both men were on him. Stan managed to land a punch square to his jaw before he and Ford tackled him to the ground.

“What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM?” Stan barked.

Your ex spat out a tooth. “What that fucking bitch gets for being your brother’s whore.”

Stan shoved your ex’s face into the gravel and turned to Ford.

“I got it from here, sixer, this scrawny kid ain’t going nowhere. Go make sure y/n is okay.”

Stan turned to Soos who stood in shock on the porch.

“Soos, call 911!”

“O- on it, Mr. Pines!”

Ford hurried quickly to you. You lay motionless on the ground on your side, struggling to breathe. He could tell by the pool of blood that it wasn’t good. He gently turned you over on your back and his eyes widened at the sight of the knife stuck in your chest.

“Y/n! Y/n!”

Your eyes struggled to focus.

“F- Ford?” You murmured faintly.

“I’m here, y/n. We’re going to get you some help, it’ll be okay.”

“It h- hurts.” You gasped.

“I know, just try to breathe.”

“I can’t, the knife.” You struggled out.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart, but if I remove it you’ll bleed out.”

“They’re on their way, Mr. Pines!” Soos shouted.

Your attempts to take in a breath were becoming increasingly labored and shallow.

“Stay with me, y/n, just hold on for a little longer!”

You put a hand to Ford’s cheek.

“Ford, I-“

Your eyelids became incredibly heavy, your hand fell to the ground and you went limp. The last thing you heard was Ford calling your name.

-

Your eyes slowly fluttered open.

“Mmmnh.” You groaned.

“Sixer! Sixer! They’re awake!”

You turned your head to see Stan shaking his brother who had been sleeping in a chair next to you.

“Huh? Wha- y/n!” Ford said, taking your hand, which you noticed had an IV placed in it.

“I’m gonna go get the doctor, be right back!” Stan said, already at the door and slamming it behind him.

“Ford, what happened? Where am I?”

You made a motion to sit up, but an intense pain in your chest protested. You hissed out a sharp breath.

“Easy, stardust. You’ve been through a lot. You’re in the hospital, you’ve been in a coma for two weeks. Do you remember anything?”

Your brow furrowed as you tried to recall your last moments. It was nighttime, you were outside the shack, there was a meteor shower and then… your eyes widened as the memories came flooding back.

“Wait, what happened with-“

“It’s been taken care of. He’s in custody and from the looks of it he’s most likely never coming back out, not even that lawyer of a father can save him this time. They found a note in his apartment, he had been planning this for a while. He was going to flee the scene and commit suicide if Stanley and I hadn’t been there to stop him. From what I’ve looked up, in Oregon aggravated attempted murder can carry a life sentence.”

You gave a sigh of relief that quickly turned to anger.

“It never should’ve come to this.” You said through gritted teeth.

He looked away. “I know, I’m so sorry. If I hadn’t stayed back to talk to Stan this never would’ve happe-“

“Don’t. Don’t you dare blame yourself for even a second over this. The law failed me, not you.”

“Still, I should have known better than to leave you alone.” He said, a tear ran down his cheek.

You squeezed his hand.

“You still saved my life, I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for you.”

Stan returned with the doctor. He did a quick assessment of your vitals and asked you questions to determine if you’d suffered any cognitive impairments or memory loss.

“Well despite the circumstances you appear to be in good health. Your vitals are stable and your memory and cognitive functioning seem to be in order. However, there was something we picked up when we tested your blood. I’m just going to be blunt, you’re pregnant.”

You looked at Ford, he looked back at you and squeezed your hand. The doctor turned his attention to Ford.

“Now, are you the patient’s fath-“

“Partner.” Ford corrected.

The doctor raised an eyebrow before continuing, his eyes back on you.

“I would recommend getting yourself in with an OBGYN. If you need anything, press the call button and a nurse will be with you.” He turned on his heels and left.

Silence hung in the air for a moment before Stan broke it.

“So… I guess I’m getting another niece or nephew. I’ll uh… I’ll leave you two alone to talk.”

He shut the door behind him. You turned your gaze back to Ford.

“Ford, I- I promise I was on birth control. I don’t know how this happened.”

He cupped your cheek.

“It’s alright stardust, these things happen. What do you want to do? No matter your choice, I promise I’ll support you.”

“I- I want to keep it. I’ve always wanted kids and with the way you treat Dipper and Mabel, I know you’d be an amazing father.”

His face lit up.

“You really mean that?”

“Absolutely.”

He pressed a deep kiss to you. When he pulled away he looked at you like he wanted to say something.

“What is it?” You asked.

He took a deep breath. “I know it’s soon, but after almost losing you and now with this I don’t see a point in hiding how I feel. I love you, y/n, with every single cell and atom of my being. I will do all I can to be a good father to our child, and the best partner I can be for you. No matter what, I promise to always love you. You’re my everything, stardust.”

You were speechless. Out of all of the men that had come in and out of your life, no one had ever said anything close to this. No one had ever promised their love and utter devotion to you like him.

“I love you too, Stanford Pines.” You smiled.

-

When you finally discharged from the hospital Ford immediately made a trip to the library, returning with a stack of pregnancy books in his arms. He pored over the material for days.

He was very insistent that you follow a strict prenatal vitamin regimen. He became incredibly attentive to you, any complaint of symptoms was immediately met with a solution. Nausea? He’s brewing you a pot of ginger tea. Your back hurts? He’s running you a warm bath with lavender oil.

At your 18 week ultrasound it was finally time to determine the sex. You had both originally agreed to keep it a surprise, but the curiosity was too much for either of you to handle.

The technician ran the probe across your stomach as a grainy picture of a fetus formed on the screen. Every time Ford could get a glimpse of his and your child he savored the moment, not wanting to even blink as to not miss a single second. He kept the first ultrasound picture in a frame on his desk.

“Alright, let’s get a good look here.” The tech said.

Ford held your hand tightly.

“Congratulations you two, it looks like you have a girl.”

You watched Ford’s face light up just as it did when you told him you wanted to keep the baby.

“A girl, we’re having a little girl.” He said softly.

As the months passed Ford would find any reason to hug you from behind, his hands caressing your stomach. During one particular instance, he rested his head on your shoulder after wrapping his arms around you when he felt something press against his hand.

“Wait a minute, I think she’s kicking!” Ford said, completely ecstatic.

“Yeah! I can feel it!” You said, matching his energy.

Ford moved to stand in front of you, his hand never leaving you.

“Fascinating, truly fascinating.” He whispered.

Mabel, who was visiting along with her twin for the summer, burst into the room.

“DID I HEAR THAT MY COUSIN IS KICKING???”

“Yes! She-“ Ford began before Mabel cut him off by speeding over and unintentionally knocking him aside.

She placed a hand on your stomach and felt the kick of a tiny foot.

“Whoaaaaaaa, this is so cool! I mean I knew it already obviously, but there really is like a little person in there.”

-

After the trauma around your last hospital stay, you opted for a home birth with a midwife. Ford did extensive research and insisted on a water birth. You were hesitant at first, but he managed to convince you after stating that it reduced pain, shortened labor time, and gave the baby an easier transition into the world.

Your water broke late into the night and labor started around the same time the next day. Half a day passed with the contractions becoming longer and more intense. The midwife arrived and set up the birthing pool in the bedroom. Every so often you entered the warm water to ease the pain and felt your muscles relax. Ford held your hand in his, you squeezed it tightly enough to break it. The midwife checked your cervix.

“You’re fully dilated, it’s time to start pushing. Mr. Pines, do want to help deliver?” The midwife asked.

“Yes, absolutely.” Ford answered, moving himself in front of you.

You pushed as hard as you could, the baby slowly moved through you and it felt like you were being torn apart. An hour and a half later and you were at your limit.

“I- I don’t know if I can keep going.” You said, tears falling.

“Yes you can, y/n, you’re so strong. Breathe.” Ford said softly.

“Alright, the baby’s crowning. You’re going to need to support the head once it’s out.” The midwife instructed to Ford.

“Got it.” He said.

You screamed, your lower half might as well have been on fire.

“You’re doing so well, y/n, she’s almost here. Just breathe.” Ford soothed.

“If you tell me to breathe one more time, I’m going to fucking strangle you.” You growled through clenched teeth.

Ford took the baby’s head in his hands, guiding her out. Once the head passed, the rest came quickly. You felt two more contractions, and she finally arrived. Ford stared in awe at the crying baby in his arms.

“My god, she’s beautiful, y/n.”

“Mr. Pines? Do you want to cut the cord?” The midwife asked, offering a pair of scissors.

Ford nodded and took the scissors, cutting the umbilical cord two inches away from the baby’s navel. As he held her he caught sight of her clenched little fists. Six fingers on each hand, just like him. He looked at her in pure adoration, he would have loved her and given her the world regardless, but now he felt connected to her on a cosmic level. A childhood of being bullied was entirely worth it just for this moment. Tears streamed down his face, he was completely enveloped in a sea of love and emotion until the midwife spoke up.

“Uhh, do you maybe wanna hand her to-“

“O- oh! Yes, of course!”

As he passed the baby to you it was immediately obvious why he was so enamored with her. You held her against your chest.

“Oh Ford, she’s perfect. And you’re right, she’s absolutely beautiful.”

He leaned down to kiss you.

“I think I know where she gets it from.” He smiled.

Time passed and you handed the baby off to Ford so you could shower. As you dried off and began dressing yourself in a comfortable pair of pajamas you heard a cry from down the hall. You quickly buttoned up the top and made your way to the bedroom.

“She must be hungry.” Ford said.

You got into the bed you had convinced Ford to purchase once you officially moved in with him after you were told you were pregnant. Before that he slept on the couch and it drove you crazy. He handed your new baby girl to you and you unbuttoned your top. It took a few attempts, but eventually she latched and began to nurse.

“So, I know we’ve already settled on your mother’s name for her middle name, but we still have our list of first names to pick from. What are you thinking?” You asked.

Ford smiled. “Well I do have one that I’ve grown really fond of.”

“Me too. How about we both say our choice on three?”

Ford nodded.

“Okay. One, two, three-“

“Juno!” You both said in unison.

You stared at each other before bursting out in laughter.

“Well I guess that’s settled then. Welcome to the world my little Juno.” Ford said, holding her tiny hand.

Beans hopped up on the bed and approached Juno cautiously, sniffing the top of her head.

Ford chuckled. “Hmm, I don’t think he knows quite what to make of her.”

“That’s pretty on brand for cats. When my parents brought home my siblings, our cats were terrified of them.”

You gave Beans a scritch behind the ears and he relaxed at your touch, purring and curling into a ball on your lap. You felt complete, you had your little family all together. Juno finished nursing and you begin to grow sleepy. The adrenaline from pushing out a small human left you and exhaustion took its place. Ford noticed immediately.

“It’s alright, I can take her. You need your rest.”

Ford gingerly took Juno in his arms, holding her against his chest. You snuggled up against him as you felt yourself drift off to sleep. You awoke to Stan entering the room two hours later.

“Everyone’s favorite uncle is here! How’s my niece doing? What name did you guys end up going with?”

“Juno.” Ford responded.

“Heh, I wouldn’t expect anything less from you two nerds. Now c’mon, let the best uncle ever hold her.”

Ford handed Juno to Stan and he took her in his arms. She grasped his finger in her round little fist.

“Would you look at that, we got another sixer here!”

Stan’s phone rang in his pocket.

“I think that’s Mabel, I texted her that you had the baby.” Stan said.

You sat up as Stan gave Juno to you. He answered his phone.

“Hey, kiddo! Yeah! Yeah they’re doing great, so is the baby. Juno. That’s what I said! Oh believe me, I’ll make sure she’s spoiled rotten. Of course! I’d love to have you two over for the break! Sure, I’ll let you talk to him.”

Stan handed the phone to Ford.

“Hello, Mabel. Yes! It’s incredibly strange to say, but I’m officially a father. Correct, from Greek mythology. Eight pounds, five ounces. Oh she’s absolutely beautiful! Thankfully she didn’t inherit my nose, but she does have my fingers!”

You heard Mabel’s shriek through the phone and an excited “DIPPEEEEERRR! SHE HAS HIS FINGERS!”

Ford laughed before continuing.

“I know, all twelve! It’s perfect, truly meant to be. Caryn. Yes, after your great grandmother, she would have loved her. Y/n? I’ll let you talk to them.”

Ford passed the phone to you.

“Hey, Mabel!” You said.

“Hiiii, y/n! I already asked grunkle Stan this, but how are you doing?” Mabel asked.

“Great, exhausted, but great.”

“Duuude I bet! Giving birth to a tiny person must be like soooo crazy! Oh! Did grunkle Stan ever tell you when I was born that I punched the doctor right in the face?” She said, almost boastful.

You laughed. “Somehow that sounds like something you’d do.”

“You know, I always thought you and grunkle Ford were perfect for each other. You’re both huge nerds who like weird stuff. If you two get married, promise you’ll make me a bridesmaid!”

”Of course Mabel, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“I feel like you’re already a part of the family though! You might as well be my grauntie at this point!”

You smiled. “I’m honored.”

“Oh hey, Dipper and me are thinking of visiting during winter break later this month, so hopefully I’ll get to meet my new little cousin soon! You can give the phone back to grunkle Stan, I wanna say bye. Make sure to give Juno lots of kisses for me!”

“Will do!” You said and handed the phone to Stan.

“Thanks for checking in, pumpkin. It’s good to hear from you. Say hi to Dipper and your folks for me and keep me posted on if you and your brother are coming to stay for the break. Alright, love you, bye.”

Stan turned to you and Ford.

“So I was thinking of ordering pizza to celebrate. Would you be down?”

“I haven’t eaten since I went into labor so that sounds fantastic.” You said.

“Great! I’ll give you two lovebirds some alone time with her.” Stan said, giving Ford a wink for some reason and shutting the door behind him.

Ford turned to you, he had the same look on his face as he did in the hospital right before he told you he loved you.

“Everything okay, Ford?”

“Y/n, there’s… something important I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

“Yeah?”

He pulled a small black velvet box from his pocket, your heart thumped in your chest. He opened it, revealing an absolutely beautiful ring.

“Since the day you came into my life, you’ve fundamentally changed it for the better and I’ve loved you ever since. I promise to cherish you and stay by you and Juno until my last breath. If there is a life beyond this one I’ll wait for you on the other side. Y/n, will you marry me?”

You kissed him deeply.

“Yes, absolutely!”

He took your left hand and slipped the ring on your finger.

“Oh Ford, it’s gorgeous.”

“It was my mother’s. Many years ago she passed it on to Stanley, thinking he was me, and told him to give it to the love of his life when the time came. On the day you and I became an item, Stanley gave it to me, insisting I’d need it. He said I should do it for tax purposes.” He chuckled.

“Of course he did.” You laughed.

You admired how the stone caught the light.

“What are the odds that your mother and I had the same ring size?” You said.

“Well… about that. I may or may not have measured your ring finger in your sleep. I had the size adjusted, I wanted it to be perfect for you.”

You kissed him again.

“I’d expect no less from Stanford Pines.”

You rested your head on his shoulder and once again felt your eyelids grow heavy. Ford too felt the exhaustion of the near 40 hours of helping you bring Juno into the world. It wasn’t long before the two of you and little Juno fell asleep. Stan opened the bedroom door.

“Hey, guys, pizza’s he-“

He smiled at the sight of all three of you sleeping peacefully. He took out his phone and snapped a picture.

“Yeah, that’s a keeper. Mabel’s gonna love this.”

[lizzaneia-elizalde]

you do historical au right? So how about a Villainess who actually is a regresser but she saw too much hardships in her previous life that this time she's all set on herself (you can add revenge or not if you don't want). A tyrant disguised saw her real self which is extremely kind to general public (she built orphanage, hospital and schools for her people) (she's the heir but got scammed in previous life, so she used all that knowledge to get even more riches with beneficial businesses so she's practically richest aristocrat). She's evil and rude on the looks (because she hates limelight and does all good will anonymously). So yeah. The tyrant is real deal evil and he's obsessed with our Villainess now. Oh dear. What a plight..

Sorry for the request being all over the place, i didn't know how to put it better :(

Yandere! Villain x Regressor! AFAB! Villainess! Reader

Anon, you know how to capture my attention. And the request is comprehensive, don't worry!

Another historical AU for the roster. This time, rather than starting off with the villain, let's start of with the MC/you! (Because most of the time it doesn't really focus on the ML now, does it? Hope you don't mind.)

Yandere! Villain name: Eros

You don't remember how you got here, except for dying by a stupid woman who can't aim for jack shit.

You just got home from a grueling day's work. Always getting ahead of yourself and working yourself to the bone just to please your boss who's a major asshat, and loves when his employees curry favors with him.

It's a dog eats dog world, so you curried favors with him.

You're his favorite employee. Always giving you snacks and an extra day for your vacations. But that meant working harder than what's needed. Overtime, going home late, it drained you. But hey, it's worth it.

Yet, this wouldn't happen, and you would still be living like a young princess if it weren't for the damn mistress your fiance, the crown prince, has.

Elysia, a daughter of the baron, spent the night with the crown prince, Yuno. Earning the affection of the prince since...

Actually, you don't remember how Yuno became infatuated with Elysia.

Is the fuck really that good that Yuno neglected his fiancee?

And you, the daughter of the second Ducal household (who's not related to the royal family, of course) was blinded by rage and betrayal that you made Elysia's life a living hell.

Erm, why not the crown prince's too, then?

Remembering your past life made your head hurt. From the cliche love story down to the way you were treated made you scream to the oblivion.

After all, after Yuno figured out how you treated Elysia, he made your family kick you out. Powerless against the royal family, they had no choice but to exile you.

You got employed by your employer by then, an eccentric man who spoke of other worlds called 'Earth' and is bringing 'modern day capitalism' here. Whatever that means. But hey, he developed these things called 'cellphones' that made him skyrocket with money.

He's a weirdo, but at least he's easy to please.

But the bitch Elysia "accidentally" blasted light magic to your way, killing you instead of an assassin. Great.

But, then, you're only the minor villainess. The main villain was someone named Eros. The other Ducal household and your father's rival.

As young as 16, he already conquered the ducal household he's in and then, 6 years later, he had wealth rivalring that of the royal family's. Heck, maybe even surpassing it.

"Hello? Where's the checks and balances of this world?" That's what you usually ask yourself.

You never saw him outright, since he's always been so busy. But you clearly remembered when you're in and out of a coma back then after you got struck with the magic, a war broke out due to him.

Fortunately, you regressed into a baby still, so you could avoid being engaged to Yuno, and being involved with Elysia.

Growing up again with your mature mind was weird. Unlike last life, you weren't a brat, but a proper, cold, and an unattainable standard of what a noble woman should be. Well, if you exclude the coldness and the bitchy attitude sometimes.

In all honesty, your family loved you dearly. A clear contrast from your last life. You're a role model, perfect in every way. Beautiful, smart, talented, and shows clear interest in politics and business.

The previous life, you were only a mouth to feed with a pretty face and a political pawn to integrate yourself into the royal family.

And as usual, you got engaged to the crown prince, much to your dismay.

Yuno was easy to read. He doesn't like clingy women, and he likes the chase. He's dumb, and only knows how to spend money.

"Ah, he's worthless."

What did you saw in him in the previous life, really?

Since you were unattainable to Yuno, he became attached to you. Wanting to conquer you.

And you always returned his advances with a flick of your fan and covering your face with a glare with your sharp eyes.

You're the thorned Rose of the Kingdom. Beautiful, yet prickly. It brought you to the limelight, but also, not. Due to you being closed off, news of you rarely get out.

So in the free time you had, you always disguised yourself with your dark magic and filled up your own coffers with the help of your knowledge of business last life (from your employer.)

You built hospitals, made schooling accessible... You were basically the saintess rather than Elysia.

Oh, did I mention that Elysia, with light magic, was the saintess, and you with dark magic was the prophesied Villainess? It's complicated.

But right now, with Elysia failing to bed Yuno in his crown prince coronation, due to him being only attached to you, you were free to do what you want while thinking of your next plan.

What you didn't know is that a certain pair of crystal blue eyes followed you.

You walked along the street of the outskirts of the Kingdom, inspecting the newly built school.

You just got out of the ducal household and immediately went here after being confronted by Elysia once more, who "accidentally" stumbled into the chateau and into you and Yuno. Can she get more obvious, really?

You never used your dark magic here in the outskirts since you felt safe in the people's arms. They never judged you, nor used you for your money. They're just glad more and more accessible facilities are being erected by the young lady.

While walking around, you got into the councilor's office who's busy with enrolling the children. He's the chief of the town, and is one of the few people who graduated fully back in the capital.

He graciously accepted the position of being the councilor after you approached him, since you genuinely wanted to help the outskirts.

You saw children happily playing around while the parents lined up, excitedly talking to one another.

When they saw you, they immediately curtsied and said hi.

"My lady! Hello!"

G-greetings my lady..."

"Oh my stars! It's the lady!"

"Look over here, my lady!"

You giggled and decided to mingle with them more, talking about mundane things in life and what other facilities can you put here.

"Okay, so a shopping center, huh? Okay, that's noted. Also, I think a gymnasium would work well also, so that there will be a place where all of you can have meetings, and also have children play."

They all excitedly nodded and bid you goodbye as you went out.

You felt like yourself here in the outskirts.

Maybe you can convince your father to give you this part of the territory, and your brother can manage the main household?

Your thoughts were interrupted by children pulling your skirt to play, cheekily grinning and playfully pushing a ball up to your arms. You grinned and chased them around, roaring loudly like a monster and pretending like you're a dragon.

The giggles and screams of delight of the children filled the lively streets, along the chatter of the townspeople.

"Sir? Are you okay? What are you looking at?"

"..."

Eros' eyes widened, then softened as he saw you, chasing the children around, playing with them and not minding the dirt clinging to your outfit.

He gulped, suddenly feeling his heartrate pick up as he cleared his throat. Red flushed his cheeks, as foreign yet also the familiar feeling of infatuation filled his heart.

The noise that surrounded him faded into the background, and somehow, everything seems so bright and colorful. All he could see is you, and you, and you...

You...

You...

Beautiful, thorned you.

Eros.

The name itself sends shiver down the spine of people.

Of fear? Love? Or arousal?

He's a man of few words, only letting his actions talk to other people.

Such an otherwordly beauty like him garnered unwanted attention since he was a child.

Other than being extremely handsome, he's also very talented with politics and business, also with physical activities like horse riding and hunting.

Due to this, his mother developed a twisted inferiority complex, and also an almost incestious relationship with him.

She always hurled words that hurt his soul and emotions.

Then she'll hug him while saying sorry.

This cycle would continue on and on until he's 16.

It was supposed to be a joyous day, not until his mother forced himself on him.

Disgust, fear, and rage filled his body that time, and all he remembered is awakening his dark magic and consuming his mother.

After that, he was knocked out cold.

When he woke up, he remembered his past life on Earth.

He's a business man of such a high position, CEO.

He clawed out of his way from poverty. Stealing, investing, selling, he did everything just to get out of the clutches of being a plebian.

And, when he struck gold when his stationery business thrived, his genius made it possible for him to talk to investors and convinced them to invest in his work.

God, he's rich.

And once he reached the age of 24, he's a rich man.

Then he died due to being assassinated by his rival.

With now his previous life in his roster, he became a formidable business man. Eccentric even.

By some weird cheat, he developed cellphones.

Something so revolutionary was first met with skepticism, but it boomed in popularity when his friend, the crown prince Yuno, bought and used it.

it was weird, really. Yuno approached him to employ his ex fiancee in his company and take care of her.

Eros, who didn't mind, employed you.

Sweet, lovable you.

It was funny seeing you struggle to curry favor with him. Not used being the one who had to try to get close with him. The way you struggled to hide a frown when he mentioned over time, the way you hide your disdain when he talks about extra work...

God, you're so cute.

He spoiled you in the best he could do. Extra vacation days, snacks, all he could do without being too obvious.

Then you died.

You... Died.

By the hands of his friend, well, ex-friend's mistress.

Elysia.

That damn bitch doesn't know her place.

Then and there, his eccentricity died down, and all he knows is revenge back then.

You were in and out of coma, and seeing you swim between life and death made his heart roar out in pain.

He felt so helpless seeing you pale and vegetative, something that wasn't you.

So, with a soft promise leaving his lips, he waged war in your honor.

He fought blood, sweat, and tears in your name.

All he could think is you.

All he could see is you.

And as he ignored Yuno's plea, he beheaded Elysia.

The damn bitch raised the notion that dark magic users are evil, despite dark magic being only an another element.

She turned the tides on you.

Why should she live?

Yuno also. He betrayed you.

Once the royal family was dead, he brought your comatose body to the throne, and killed himself with you at the throne.

He made you ingest poison, something that doesn't cause pain to your already pained body.

Meanwhile, he killed himself by striking a sword down to his chest, and to his heart. The very same heart that loved you dearly.

Then he woke up,

a child again.

Back in time.

Getting away from the busy bustle of the ball, you got out to the garden and sighed. Letting the cold air bite into your skin.

Dread filled your heart as you realized once more that Elysia was nowhere to be found, and so did Yuno.

Your nerves got to you and you left the scene, overthinking the worse of the worst.

Did Elysia actually bed Yuno successfully?

Albeit just a bit late?

You covered your mouth, shaking dreadfully. The pain of your last life was getting to you once more. Trauma trembling you to the core.

"My Lady? Are you okay?"

A deep voice broke you out of your reverie. Something so silky, smooth, and familiar.

You turned around, your heart pounding as you saw your employer, Eros. He's dressed in noble clothes, gold, black, and blue.

He looks more uptight and strict this time around. What happened? Why does he look like that?

You never connected the dots, since you thought your employer and Eros were two different people.

But this?

Your heart trembled.

"G-greetings, your lordship." You curtsied, fighting back a frown just like how you did with him last life.

"You're still the same as ever."

"What is it?"

"Oh nothing." Eros waved his hand.

This life, Eros was more brutal than the previous life. He exposed his mother, a pedophile who touched him and stole money from the household, letting her get beheaded by a rusty axe in the middle of the colosseum. After that, he joined the interkingdom war, and won it much earlier than before.

He's basically a warlord. A tyrant to his territory who imposed such strict rules that you doubted yourself if this was the same Eros you knew.

You both silently stood in front of each other before he took off his coat and gently draped it on your shoulders.

"It's cold out here, my lady." He whispered. His long eyelashes fluttering as he blinked.

He inhaled your scent, his lips trembling.

He missed you so much.

His precious rose.

He gently brought your hand to his lips, kissing it softly and lingering there, with his eyes screaming obsession.

His grip was strong yet also loving.

It made you blush.

"My Lady, if my friend, Yuno, hurt you, approach me."

Your eyes widened.

"Approach you?"

Eros smiled. His handsome face blinding you momentarily.

"Yes, i'll help you take revenge."

Eros eyes swiftly looked at the balcony up above.

"Like this."

Eros swiftly dipped you and kissed your lips.

God, you tasted so divine upon his lips.

His tongue delved into your mouth, sweeping and tangling with your much more timid ones. He cupped your cheeks, bringing you impossibly closer to him.

His eyes were glaring at Yuno back at the balcony, who was naked on their bottom half with Elysia, shielding you from the scene.

Yuno's eyes widened, and he hastily dressed up, his eyes boring into Eros', and you.

This life, he'll protect you from pain.

He'll protect you from Yuno and Elysia.

He'll burn down the ground for you.

Just say the word.

---------

Hmm, twist upon twists. I love it. HEHEHEHE

[weepingtalecowboy]

Fanfic prompt :Everyone always makes the joke that Wild and Hyrule are the most likely to get kidnapped

But in their literal game mechanics and the lore of the games

Hyrule must run from anyone and trust nobody or someone could hand him over to ganon he definitely is really skittish about trusting anyone but when he sees someone help him he does trust them a bit more (he knows the concept of stranger danger and had to become a master at it or else it was game over)

Wild literally just has to throw a banana and you can almost always tell it is a Yiga even before you even pull out said banana (it is part of the game mechanics after all)

But you know who is the one who actually canonically is the most likely to get kidnapped and not notice it at any point during the entire process

Wind who has jumped on the boat of sketchy old man and pirates during both his adventures

Like he was extremely lucky that nothing ever happened to him

And he probably doesn’t know the concept of stranger danger because nobody on the island is a stranger or dangerous to him how would he even figure out if nobody is telling him about it or showing it

Like the first thing he does when the game starts is run up to a random girl who has fallen from a tree then she turns out to be a pirate and even if she has told him the truth about the kidnapped girls

You don’t jump on the boat of a pirate no matter how nice they seem (for all we know she could have orchestrated this situation to kidnap him and it is pure luck that she was just nice like that )

Essentially because later during the failed heist he gets throw across the sea he literally just wakes up on a different boat with no record of how he got there and instead of alerting anyone (because Wind fell island has a prison so he could have told the guards that a random guy had him on the boat and all that) he breaks fucking tingle out of the cell just to buy a sail for the weird talking boat and then continue on with just the two of them together (like I get desperately trying to save his sister but telling a guard or two that your sister got kidnapped and that you are saving her to make sure that at least a few people will know where you are like grandma definitely doesn’t know that you no longer are with the pirates)

And even more unhinged is the fact that tetra is not a good person at all she has interrogated a guy who wouldn’t sell her bombs which should have tipped Wind of as a red flag she has scammed a rich man out so much that he lives as a beggar with his daughter (also a thing that makes it more vague than ever to know what she would have done to his grandmother like a promise telling him she would bring his sister back safely is very dubious)

Also he canonically has repeatedly went to tingle's tower and asked him to translate the triforce charts (like that is tingle and nothing more has to be said)

Like Wind has the most luck known to mankind

It also somehow gets even worse because during phantom hourglass he and tetra are on the boat (which understandable because she proved that she is someone you can trust and a good friend)

And after waking up on a random beach the first thing you do is go into an old guy’s storage unit to get his sword (and somehow again not get mugged , kidnapped or trafficked because you never go somewhere alone when a single person is aware of it with no weapon especially when someone told you to go there )

Then he went with a different shady guy he just saved at the temple who genuinely looked like a problem in the making (and it was a problem in the making like I love linebeck he is a father figure for wind but also he did have the problem with his ex who wanted to kill him and he looked really shady and you would not have been able to escape if he did kidnap you because you are on the sea )

Like obviously Wind hasn’t learned his Lesson at any point in time because every time it went well

But with Yiga nothing goes well with them

He would probably hold hands with them as well and any other kidnapper would have a very easy catch

He probably joined the chain in less then a second without any form of self awareness (like everyone definitely was nervous with each other but not Wind he heard they said everyone else can sleep while another takes watch and planted his face on a pillow and was just out like that while everyone else was uneasy and didn’t sleep well or also took watch to make sure they won’t be killed in their sleep)

The chain really has to teach him that lesson (for the sake of like literally everything he has ever done because that luck will run out at some point)

Like Warriors definitely is seeing Wind go with literally everyone and not understanding why like that looks like a trauma response (it is just wind with over 12 years never learning about stranger danger and a big misunderstanding but also not really wrong )

[gaymurdersalad]

[ HOWDY Y’ALL! WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A FUN BROADCAST!

If you haven’t noticed, it’s pride month! That means we’re legally allowed to be gay for an entire month before we have to disappear into our burrows once more! To celebrate the occasion, I decided to do a fun little pride post! ]

[ I’ve gathered all the little fuckers in The Void to poke and prod at them like zoo animals. In other words, I figure they all have some neat identities and wouldn’t mind being interrogated in honor of pride month. I’ll go ahead and turn it over to them, but I’ll say now, no matter how much they kick and scream, I am definitely NOT holding them at gunpoint! This workspace is… definitely OSHA approved. Don’t let them tell you otherwise. Have attem! ]

> This is fucking stupid. Stop waving that gun at me. I’m talking.

> My identity isn’t anything special. I’m just some guy who decided he was a guy way later than everyone else did. I don’t really give a damn what pronouns people use on me because usually they just end up avoiding me at all costs or scampering away like frightened animals.

> I’m bisexual, is that anything? But, like, only bisexual in a sexual way. I could not fucking fathom living a long prosperous life with anyone. How the hell are you supposed to enjoy someone for that long? Getting married seems like a scam. I bet it is. I bet it’s like the invention of Valentine’s Day for greeting card companies. You’re not actually supposed to be in love with someone for that long, it just doesn’t seem possible.

> … My marriage with Dave does not count, that wasn’t an officiated wedding. I’m fairly certain he fished those rings out of a water fountain and pawned his dress off a hooker. I do vividly recall dumpster diving for my tuxedo.

> Uhhhhhh wuh? Hmmmm, I’onno what the hell I am, Old Sport! Fuck!

> Shit, I guess I like everyone. A hole’s a hole. Why the fuck would I discriminate? I think I got a preference for men though! They’re so fuckin’ easy to romance! Unless they’re the likes of Sportsy, then it’s the hardest goddamn thing you’ll ever seduce. He gets real gay when he’s on acid, but then again, I get real gay on cocaine. Man, our wedding was immaculate. Imma tell our kids about it one day!

> Likewise, I’ll be any gender you fuckin’ want me to be. I got like, pocket gender, I can just whip it out on request. Want me to be a dude? Fuck yeah, alright. Want me to be a pretty lady? No goddamn problem at all! I can be both at the same time or one more than the other— who gives a shit? I’m just havin’ fun.

> Good fucking lord, really? That shotgun does not scare me, you orange fool—

> … I have a complicated identity. As any other living organism does.

> I have found that over the years I do not experience sexual attraction and that I experience little to no romantic attraction. I only recall feeling romantically attracted to one person in my entire life. I doubt it will happen again. > And it may seem, uhm... Embarrassing, but I do deviate from your traditional "man's man". In laymen's terms, I do not feel particularly drawn to being male. I am very certain I was born with the intention of being a man, but my mind has refused to accept it. I am not sure why. Instead of feeling like a proper bloke, I feel rather empty. If I could have it my way, I would be some... human silhouette rather than a full fledged man. I do not know. This is idiotic. > I cringe every time someone addresses me in a masculine way. I wish I could simply have no pronouns. I can deal with them because I am indeed a grown ass... person, but I just wish it were not so. Whatever. I am done complaining.

> Oh! That’s very simple, this is really easy.

> I literally don’t have anything going for me at all.

> What with the entire fabric of time being on my shoulders and all, I don’t even think about gender or romance much. I do love being a girl! It’s one of the things I miss most about being alive, actually. Pretty dresses, playing with makeup in the bathroom, trying to curl my hair without burning my scalp— I mean, it sounds horrendous sometimes, but you can’t beat it. Feeling alive and content in your own skin. Just one of those precious things that spawned from the chance of life.

> … Uhm, Uhhh… Men.

> Yeah. I Like Them. I Think… Yes, I Could Probably Date A Man Or Two. I Don’t Know, Employee, Why Did You Pull Me Out Here? You Know I Have Copious Paperwork To Do! Some @$!# $#*@ Kid Just Fell Into The Ball Pit And Got Mauled Jaws-Style And His Parents Are Really Grilling Us For It. Dumb&@#*s, It’s Not My Fault Their Kid Heeded The Call Of The Sirens. I Swear, This Job Is Going To Kill Me Or Force My Hand Into Becoming The Next Purple Guy—

> extremely in love with my wife and my gender!

> it was actually very cute how we met, employee. have i ever told you? heh heh, we met in highschool. she was on the football team and i was a cheerleader, can you believe that? oh, i was head over heels for her instantly. she was strong, she was quick thinking, she was so hecking beautiful, employee… i never got to tell her how i felt while we were in highschool, but we were good friends. very good friends. come a few years later, some old buddies of ours want to have a get together and dish it out like old times… go vandalize and drive off into the sunset in the back of a pickup truck sipping on horrendously cheap beer and laughing off our university work or our jobs. when i get to our spot, though, i see her. i’d recently wised up to my gender, y’know, had my hair cut and fresh scars on my chest, so suffice to say i looked nothing like i did when i cheered for her during football season. she’d done the same, employee— she grew out her hair to the middle of her back in such beautiful dark curls, her bangs tied back so every inch of her perfect face could glimmer underneath the neon lights of the derelict bowling alley we’d found ourselves in. she looked at me, and i sensed instant recognition. she smiled through her bright red lipgloss and rushed up to me, wrapping me up in a hug, and i swear, she hadn’t lost any of those muscles— almost broke my ribs!

> the rest of the night, we were so… comfortable together. sure, during highschool we were close, but without saying a single word about what happened to us between then and now, we understood, and employee— i think it brought us closer. it was around three in the morning while we sat around a bonfire with the rest of our buddies when she layed her head on my shoulder and i felt an unfathomable warmth. i knew i wanted her for the rest of my life.

> … i just love her so much, employee.

> oh ok

> its rlly whatever. any pronouns any gender anybody who wants me. who cares

> oh i do have a preference for girls. theyre pretty. if you disagree u are not blessed enough to be loved by gods best creation and ur pissed about it. i can tell

> what if i was actually catholic would that be fucked up or what

> …

> … I cannot… physically stress how abhorrent sexuality is to me. What… What an utterly damning notion. Someone’s greedy hands cursing you and plaguing your with their own dirty human desires. How disrespectful. How… invasive. Why on Earth would it be my responsibility to supply someone with something to love? Am I really subject to whatever the hell people think of me? Whether they “love” me or perceive me as some… some man, some object of attraction? Disgusting.

> If I could shed every trace of a sex or gender from my loathed corpse, I would. Often times I lay awake at night and consider skinning myself for the hell of it. I’ve related this to David and he said I sounded “fuckin’ insane”. Stupid bastard. I want to be a skeleton. I wanna be a fucking skeleton! Pretty and thin and not alive whatsoever! God damn this accursed body and its… rancid flesh and unidentifiable mystery goop. Ugh. Ugh!!!! God, the biggest blight on my “life” was being cursed with gender!

> I was born as a female which was just laughably wrong, then I recall amending that and trying to become a man, but none of it worked. All of it sucked. All of it was wretched. The ideal form is a ghost or ghoul or skeletal figure. You can’t romance a ghost or ghoul or skeletal figure. Can’t have sex with that. Unless you’re really, really determined. I don’t think even David could be that serious about his sexuality.

> … I… Hope. Oh dear. Oh god, I really am unsafe from the horrors of this world. God, I wish that bear had taken me out before I showed him to his grave.

[hannie-dul-set]

karma comes in the form of vehicular accidents and designer leather jackets. — [preview].

SYNOPSIS. when you’re nearly run over by a car, and said car happens to be a porsche 918 spyder, your broke ass knows better than to let this one in a million miracle slip by. 

PAIRING. shen quanrui x female! reader. GENRE. emotionally-stunted idiots to lovers, implied college! au, rich boy x not-so-rich girl trope but neither of them are normal! they’re both not well adjusted! mc is an actual scammer and ricky’s love language is throwing out exorbitant amounts of cash, romance, humor, angst if you squint but i prefer it when things are stupid, suggestive. WARNINGS. swearing, probably a number of illegal things, dubious medical practices, scamming, gold-digging, mild manipulation, a not very healthy dynamic at first but we’ll get there, more tba. WORD COUNT. teaser: 915 | full fic: est. 15-18k.

RELEASE DATE. within january, maybe. TAGLIST. send an ask/dm/reply to be added.

NOTE. hello riyangi nation i have another insanity-driven wip to offer. hopefully i go crazy again and write 4-5k a day like my last ricky longfic HAHAHHAHAH. this one has a bit more plot, a bit more seriousness, but still on the spectrum of unhinged!!! hope u enjoy.

preview under the cut.

IT’S A DOG EAT DOG WORLD OUT THERE. You’ve learned this lesson time and time again, ever since the early age of six— when your father got kicked out from his own start-up thanks to his greedy cousins, when you got in trouble for punching a classmate in first grade because he lifted up your skirt but the fucker was the grandson of your primary school’s dead, and when your high school scholarship got screwed over because “your parents unfortunately don’t support the school enough,” and you flipped off your home teacher all while calling him an ass-kissing, money-grabbing piece of shit.

Well, you were forced to transfer after that.

At least your new school didn’t base their scholarship grants on fucking PTA donations instead of grades.

From then on, you’ve learned that the only way to survive is to screw people over before getting screwed over yourself. There’s no point being nice. You can’t bother being a doormat to people who don’t even contribute a cent to your rent. You’re not wasting your smiles for people you can’t use.

Maybe it’s how you’ve grown to be so opportunistic, because the moment you and a friend were told that only one of you could get a full ride to Yonsei University— you didn’t think twice to cut him off. You stopped sharing your notes. You stopped studying together because why should you be nice to your competition? He was more well off than you anyway. His future doesn’t rely on handouts like it yours does. 

Bottomline, yes, you’re not the nicest person in the world. Sure, you screwed over some strangers opting to go to the same job interview as you by giving them the wrong directions. Maybe you cut yourself off from your parents the moment you turned legal when their debt started getting to them and they started relying on you to get out of the pitfall instead of pulling their own fucking weigh. Yes, you’re not a good person. You’re fully aware of that.

Which is why you can’t exactly say fuck you to god when karma comes to bite you in the ass via a car accident on your way to your weekend work shift.

The dead and quiet road you usually cross is now filled with noises of panic.

“Oh my god— dude! Call an ambulance!”

Your lungs hit asphalt and your head starts ringing. A pained hiss slips through gritted teeth. Something’s broken, you grunt, or at the very least not how it should be based on the sharp pain you’re feeling on the arm wedged between your body and the rough and dusty road. “Are they dead?!” you hear someone yell, followed by a car door swinging and footsteps running closer, yet your eyes remain squeezed shut from the blinding headlights and the aching of your entire body.

But it’s not the pain you’re dwelling on. No. It’s the hospital bills and the inevitable days off you’d have to take thanks to your god forsaken fucking luck.

The car should’ve just killed you on the spot.

“Are you okay?!”

However when you finally open your eyes and recognize the embodiment of your karma body slamming you into the ground in the form of a freaking Porsche, your worries suddenly get washed away into oblivion.

Holy shit, you’re fully conscious now. You’ve just hit the jackpot.

“O—oh, she’s awake, she’s awake! Gyuvin—”

Whoa.

There’s a person hovering above you. Rather, the person’s gold gilded necklace is dangling in front of your face. This is more than a jackpot. This is better that the fucking lottery.

“What—what do I do?”

“Is she responsive?!”

“U—uhm— are you okay?” Pretty boy that you assume is the one who nearly killed you is flitting his eyes in panic and is unsure with what to do with his hands. His face aside, the guy is decked out in designer clothing. You don’t miss the engravings on his jacket, the shiny glints of gold coiled around his panicked fingers. You’re not letting his chance slip away. You let out a grunt of pain and start folding into yourself. “Ahh, I don’t think she’s okay! What’s the number for 119?!”

Half acting. Half actually fucking hurting because ow. Maybe you did break something.

“I don’t know! Taerae, what’s the number for—”

“Are you two stupid?!”

Well shit. The pain stops paining because if they bring you to a hospital different from the one you have in mind, it’d be a loss for you. So you play it up even more. “A—ah, I think something’s broken,” you wince. Pretty boy drops his phone and tries helping you prop yourself up. 

“Crap. I think it’ll take too long if we call an ambulance,” says one of his companions behind him. “H—hey, do you mind if we just take you to the hospital right now?”

Now, this doesn’t sound safe. Around three men in their early twenties with very evidently no first aid experience delivering an injured woman to the hospital with what you think is a two-seater car is a recipe for disaster. You’re still on the dirty ground, arm definitely broken, with a rich guy looking like he’s about to start crying at any moment very hesitantly trying his best to help you sit up.

They’re waiting for your answer. And the answer is pretty obvious.

“Yes, please. Thank you!”

Because if you get even more injured along the way, that’ll simply be an extra bonus for you.

karma comes in the form of vehicular accidents and designer leather jackets. © hannie-dul-set, 2024.

[snarp]

Real True Law Stories

This is heavily-paraphrased because 1) it happened a while back, and the conversations were longer and involved a lot more of me going "no! no! augh," and 2) the case was not actually about Ale-8 bottles, but its actual focus was similarly-specific, which would have made it really easy to look up.

Dad: Can you value a collection of old Ale-8 bottles for me, honey?

Me: ...possibly, but I'm not going to. Is this a blasting case again? Did someone's designated used Ale-8 bottle shelf fall over?

Dad: No, they got stolen. He had this shed or big closet or something totally full of collectible Ale-8 bottles, he's got all these insurance photos, he'd had them appraised by the national Ale-8 bottle expert -

Mom: Dear...

Dad: No, he's definitely really upset about these lost Ale-8 bottles! He's traumatized! Do you think I don't deal with liars? ...He thinks his estranged drug-addict relative stole the Ale-8 bottles.

Me: No. That did not happen.

Mom: That's probably not what happened, dear.

Dad: Drug addicts steal stuff all the time, what is this -

Me: Dad, no, this is fucking logistically -

Dad: - don't, I'm telling the story, stop it - "logistically" -

Me: A drug addict would not steal and hock a huge collection of Ale-8 bottles! They're heavy and fragile and that's a ridiculous specialist hobby, logistically it'd be way too -

Mom: The bottles were definitely stolen, dear?

Me: Why wouldn't you just steal, like, the TV? Or the car or whatever?! You don't steal the Ale-8 bottles!

Dad: They were stolen! He was gone! He'd had a fight with this person, he couldn't get back into the house for a while, he came back and the bottles were gone, he was heartbroken!

Me: No! You don't steal the collection of Ale-8 bottles, that's not what you steal!

Dad: No, they knew he really liked these bottles, it was revenge or something? Seriously, he keeps asking me why I can't make the police go and arrest this person and find out where they put the bottles, he's really angry! He misses his bottles.

Mom: *sigh* Okay, dear. So the Ale-8 bottles were stolen and insurance won't cover them.

Dad, to Me: So you're going to try and value the Ale-8 bottle collection for me. It'll be easy.

Me: I am not.

Dad: He has a spreadsheet.

Me: No. - You said he already had it appraised!

Mom: Before the Ale-8 bottle heist...

Dad: He did! I mean. There's this guy who writes Ale-8 bottle valuation books, he lives - somewhere, and the client knows him over, I guess, an Ale-8 bottle club? Ale-8 bottle mailing list? On the internet. - and he came on this road trip to just look at these Ale-8 bottles in the guy's shed or closet! Does that make sense?

Me: If this is an actual collecting hobby that other people engage in, and not a scam - if Ale-8 bottle collecting is something that's real - then yes, that's normal if you've got a valuable collection, I guess? How much did he say all these Ale-8 bottles were worth, is this even a sane case to be taking if he's telling the truth?

Dad: [a very large number]

Mom, who has been quietly thinking about this while we do our manzai routine: Well, there are definitely other Ale-8 bottle collectors, honey. [name] likes them, I think?... That seems awfully high. He had them in a shed? Like a garden shed?

Dad: I've seen the book! He showed me the Ale-8 bottle book! It was a shed or a garage or a side room or something. They weren't outside.

Me: If what you're trying to figure out is whether this guy and the appraiser are for real, I'd just... look around online and make sure there are actually people buying and selling these things, and talking about them to the extent he says there are, I guess?

Mom: If there's a real community and a real buyer base.

Dad: The Ale-8 bottle book had numbers in it, like values.

Me: The numbers don't mean anything if his buddy wrote the book and if they're the only two people who care about Ale-8 bottles!

Dad: You know, you're awfully suspicious of these Ale-8 bottles...

Me: It's a completely ridiculous story. - You're suspicious of them, too! That's why you even asked me to value Ale-8 bottles!

Dad: You're just not a trusting person. You're paranoid. You know, I trust all my clients completely -

*My Ale-8-bottle-related-outrage HP drops too low and I die.*

Mom: No. What she's saying is that their book value -

Dad: Yeah, that's the word, their book value! Like a Kelley Blue Book value for a car, that's what this other guy does, he does the Blue Book for the bottles. So all I have to do is show the insurance company the Kelley Bottle Book, right?

Mom: No.

Dad: It's fine! The insurance company will be completely cooperative. What are they going to complain about, it's right there in the book.

Mom: Does the book reflect the market values of the bottles? The street values? Are these the prices that people pay on eBay or wherever when they're buying the bottles?

Dad: I don't know.

Mom: Are they the prices he paid for them?

Dad: I don't know. Probably.

*I finish my corpse-run and resurrect.*

Me: There's got to be an actual market for there to be market prices. People who buy the things and have opinions about how much they're worth and stuff.

Dad: Can you research that for me, honey? Research the Ale-8 bottle market?

Me: I'm not going to do that. You have [name] in the office, right? You are paying her money to do this stuff for you, correct?

Dad: You never want to help me. Help me research Ale-8 bottles. I don't know why my daughters never help me.

Mom: And then you have to prove all this stuff to the judge and jury. Will they believe that Ale-8 bottles are worth anything?

Me: Please show us how you will emotionally convince the jury that these Ale-8 bottles are worth money. Make it sound like you're really sad about the loss of the valuable Ale-8 bottle collection.

Dad: Nnnno! *laughs* Oh, my god, they're such bullshit! They're these little bottles! And he had zillions of them! He must have some sort of trauma in his past, I'm going to ask [Psychiatrist Who Acts As An Expert Witness In PTSD Cases] to examine him... - Well, this is some southern thing, like the little toy stock cars that guy had. I don't know, maybe a southern jury will buy it?

Me: Say that "a jury of your peers" means "a jury of Ale-8 bottle collectors."

Mom: Yeah, hope you get a collector on the jury or on the bench.

*- several months later -*

Dad: So do you want to hear what happened at court the other day? With my Ale-8 bottle guy?

Me: You're going to tell me about the Ale-8 bottle guy regardless. Did it turn out to be insurance fraud?

Dad: No, actually! - well, I don't know. "A reasonable doubt for a reasonable price!"

Mom: Dear.

Dad: So obviously the insurance guys are like, "this is bullshit! It's bullshit! Ale-8 bottles aren't worth anything, the whole thing is bullshit!" And I'm like, okay, well. And they don't want to go to mediation, and they give us this lowball number to settle, and, obviously, no.

Dad: So we go in front of Judge [X] the other day, and I'm like, *solemn expression* "Judge. My client has had his extremely valuable Ale-8 bottle collection stolen, and his insurance will not pay for it even though he had it personally appraised by The Ale-8 Bottle Man."

Me: Who is his buddy and who may well be artificially inflating the prices of stuff he and his friends have a lot of, sure.

Dad: You don't know that!

Mom: And opposing counsel said…?

Dad: So, [Other Lawyer], he got up there and he was like, "Well, Judge, I mean. Ale-8 bottles, right? They're Ale-8 bottles." And they start - but then the judge goes, "Actually. I wanted to say, I was looking over the documents in this case. And, well, I've got a bit of a collection myself - I've got the - 1492 Foofrall-something Bottle and a mint-condition Bluh-buh-buh Bottle, and" and then he just sits there and lists all these Ale-8 bottles he's got for like, several minutes.

Me: Is this a joke. Did this actually happen.

Dad: It happened! It did happen!

Me: Mom!

Mom: I know, dear. It happened. He is not making this up.

Dad: So I get out of there and I go over and talk to opposing counsel, and just! The looks on their faces! They looked so defeated.

Me: They've got to be really suspicious of you right now.

Mom: "Is this why he took the case? Did he know?"

Dad: No! I had no idea! I was just as flabbergasted as they are, I've never heard him - okay, did you know this terrible fact about Judge [X]? Did you know he was one of them? The Bottlers?

Mom: I did not know this. I knew that he golfed.

Dad: So, long story short, I kind of think that this case is going to settle?

Mom: Unless the bottles are just in his basement, and he posts a picture of them to his Facebook without thinking.

Dad: Huh?

Mom: Like your other guy.

Dad: Those weren't bottles.

[monzamash]

anonymous: no. 27 screams Pierre 👀

— it really does. i actually got a few sent in for pierre so i'm gonna bunch this prompt and “good girl" together bc it just felt right and i got carried away writing for him 🙏 (and i had to re-upload this because i couldn't edit the ask after posting, sorry!)

pierre gasly x you (femreader) | 1.1k 18+ minors dni

Pierre was a menace to society; a playboy, someone you swore you would never give yourself to again – no matter how charming those steely blue eyes could be. They were agonisingly alluring at the best of times but you’d been celibate, by choice, for months now, so much as a brisk wind making your thighs clench together.

You were borderline cock-staved, embarrassingly so and when Pierre, your friend, invited you to a club night he was hosting, you should’ve said no.

A polite decline and a promise to catch up with him next time he was home in Milan would’ve sufficed but you couldn’t. Your fingertips had a mind of their own, swiftly texting back a simple ‘see you there’ before tearing your wardrobe apart to find something to wear, desperate to impress and to find someone, anyone to put you out of your own self-inflicted misery.

“But why would you do that?”

Pierre couldn’t comprehend your staunch declaration of abstinence, baffled by the decision to starve yourself from something so good, so enjoyable. It was something he hoped he would never have to do, god-willing.

“Um, because the last guy I was dating fucked his secretary…”

Pierre almost laughed at your response, not because what had happened to you was funny, hell, he almost put a hit out on the guy – he laughed because of how ludicrous that relationship was to begin with. You deserved more than some washed up tech dude, fumbling his way through Italy trying to scam a bunch of old people who didn’t know how to use the Internet. You deserved a man, a real man.

“Why exactly is that funny to you?”

“It’s not,” Pierre cleared his throat, “Darling, that guy was an asshole, a scumbag… I told you that a million times.”

You rolled your eyes at his reply, “Not really looking for an ‘I told you so’ from you of all people, P.”

Pierre was quick to hold his hands up in defence, realising that you were actually hurt by this asshole and he didn't need to add to that.

“Eh, I’m not telling you that. I’m saying that you should want for more and at least find someone who can satisfy you like you deserve...” He was testing you, watching for your reaction and he got one, quirked brow and pursed lips.

“When did I say anything about not being satisfied?” You were curious to know when you had ever aired that unfortunate tid-bit to the man beside you.

“You didn’t have to, ma belle. I’ve known you. I know what satisfied looks like in those eyes. I’ve seen it.”

His blue irises were unyielding, threatening almost, tempting you back into the arms of the man who had sworn himself to you. Sure, he fucked around and sampled most of Italy but you were the pinnacle of his fickle heart; you were his.

“Remind me again.”

Three simple words ignited the simmering desire deep within Pierre’s soul, eyes darting across your face as he caressed your warm, rosy cheek in his hand. He was soft with you, careful not to break you in the chaos of his want but when your lips crashed onto his, he knew you burned for him too; desperate to feel something again, with him. Your fingers grappled his short beard, stubble tickling your skin as he deepened the kiss, tongue battling against one another, starved for passion.

Pierre subtly inched back, lips hovering over yours as he whispered, “Where should I fuck you? Your choice.” His eyes flickered between yours, waiting for an answer while he savoured the way your pupils dilated in the darkness.

With a devilish grin you asked, “Did you drive here?”

A soft chuckle rumbled in Pierre’s tightening chest as he processed your words, fingers instantly entangled with yours as he dragged you out of the club and into the dimly lit street. He didn’t need to be asked twice to fuck you in his Mercedes, the idea making his already snug slacks a lot tighter. Even in the midst of his excitement, Pierre still rushed around to the passenger side and opened your door; endlessly chivalrous even if what he was about to do was anything but gentlemanly.

“Thank you,” You whispered, mimicking his smirk before sliding into the passenger seat with a nervous sigh.

You watched Pierre strut around the front of his car, chest puffed out and head darting in all directions to check the surroundings. A small smile tugged on the corners of you lips when he jumped in beside you with a boyish grin, hand immediately reaching down to push his seat back as far as it would go while the other roamed your bare thigh.

“I don’t think anyone can see,” Pierre muttered as he leaned back in his seat and started unbuckling his belt with his free hand.

“Don’t care if they can to be honest,” You sweetly replied and shuffled the hem of your tight skirt up your thighs, peeling it up around your waist and out of the way.

Pierre tutted as he palmed himself over his briefs, watching you carefully crawl over the console and settle your knees on each side of his thighs, “That’s very naughty,” He hummed, gripping your waist as you settled on his lap, his heart racing under your shaky hands.

“I thought you knew me, darling.” You taunted and tugged his stiff cock from the tight confines of his Calvin Kleins, craving to feel his soft tip teasing your hole.

“That is why I’m not surprised,” Pierre exhaled, fingers gripping your sides even harder as you slid down slowly and bottomed out. He was bigger than your ex, bigger than anyone you’d been with, full stop.

The grimace stitched between your furrowed brows always gave Pierre the ultimate satisfaction, dick twitching at your shallowed breath and tiny moans. You were beautifully unholy, panting and clutching at the necklace hanging loosely around his neck, whispering expletives and praising the lord for the best dick of your life.

It was nearly too much for him.

“Good girl – take all of me. My god.”

You fell forward and pressed your forehead to his as you got reacquainted, the fullness really pushing you to the limit as you bounced. The sound of Pierre moaning against your parted lips was perfect encouragement and as hard as he tried to stay still and let you take control, his rutting hips had other ideas. He couldn’t stop himself from nudging you along, meeting you halfway as you circled your hips, ripping moan after moan from his perfectly pink lips.

“Don’t do this to me,” He practically whined with a stupid smile, hands clutching for power as you fucked him into a muttering mess. His flushed face was covered by his messy hair until you reached up and pushed it back, eyes locked and riddled with lust.

“Aw,” You cooed and pinched his chin between your thumb and pointer, angling his gorgeous face up to yours, “I know you can take it, handsome.”

Pierre’s raspy laugh echoed through the stifling car as he bucked his hips and sent your flying into his chest. You’d missed these brief moments of joy and the unadulterated pleasure he could give you. And it was moments like this where you wondered why you ever fought the desire to have him.

Because he could give it to you – every which way you wanted.

thoughts? feelings? let me know! askbox masterlist if you want to read more x

[shakespearean-dream]

i would adore ur ted ideas he is so interesting 2 me!!!!!!

ask and you shall receive!!!!

ted. teddigan. theodoreigan my boy. i have so many mixed feelings about u💔

this drawing was a pain in the ASS to make for some reason?? my first go at him was way too close to canon for my liking so i threw myself out there n got to a place i liked thankfully, plus halfway through i forgot how to draw hands and almost cried (joking) cause i thought i had them down at this point!!!!— but trust me, even if you have 9 years of art experience (like me unfortunately. someone take me out i’ve had a good life) ur gonna forget the basics sometimes. warm yourself up and try again cause i did and i eventually remembered 😭😭😭

doing these character studies and drawings have seriously improved my way and process of drawing faces which is so nice 🥲 i think i just need to start looking at the bigger picture again so i don’t forget how to draw everything else. like hands. or full bodies. foreshadowing ;)

i wanted my ted to look just a wee bit unsettling because my general consensus of him is that he is totally fucked in the head, lmfao. born a nepotism baby who ended up scamming people more for fun than for actual cash, horribly sexist but dependent on women to validate him, paranoid as all get out, selfish and self centered as all get out, just his canon personality’s all in one and turned up a notch. 🥲

i don’t think he’s totally beyond redemption, especially because he’s been cooped up with ellen, who is a highly decorated in the engineering field black woman, benny who’s gay and gorr “FREEDOM FIGHTIN’ LIBERAL🇺🇸🦅🦅🔥🔥” ister for 109 years. in that time he’s definitely slipped up and they’ve definitely corrected him (along with nimdok too LOL). i think with some intensive therapy, a shower and a trip to the tolerance museum (south park reference) he’ll be a little better.

i’m a mild ted/AM shipper (as seen in the bottom right hand corner) but more in the “ooohehheh they’re flirting!!… oh no. oh this is not going to end well. this is definitely a toxic relationship” way and less the “awh cute maybe they can have mutual redemption arcs!!!” way because i love seeing gay men suffer romantically (don’t cancel me i am a bisexual man suffering romantically i swear😭)

i’m not too partial to any other ships honestly, ted/ellen makes me nauseous (just cause of the way ted talks about/treats her in the franchise, no hate to my tellen shippers i promise) and i can only see gorrister with his wife 🥲 with benny and nimdok i have no clue if either of them rlly have romantic interests but im not a fan of them with anybody so erm… i do love the whole groups found family vibes though :”””] they’re all cute together and the mutual suffering but all the while growth is comforting to me

i think that’s about all my thoughts!!! another thank you for the support on this blog recently i love yall sm. i’ll eventually post on my transformers blog but i am STILL SCARED because robots are hard to draw. stay tuned for it though. 💀

thank you for reading if you did!!! let me know which of the guys yall want me to do next; benny, AM and nimdok are left on the chopping block. ❤️

[xythlia]

— NEON MOON

⤿ 2k event req for moje láska @darksisterswielder <3 I luv ur toji brainrot & im more than happy to keep it going mwah :3

mdni. possessiveness/jealousy + semi public. f!reader. bar scene. scammer reader & toji. emotional manipulation. reader likes playing mind game with him. creampie. readers in a skirt.

He hates that you're the brightest thing in this grimy hole in the wall bar. He hates seeing you drape yourself against this oblivious dolt, hates hearing your glittery laugh drift over to him knowing he's not the cause of it this time.

Its supposed to be the easiest ruse in the book: distract and flatter someone who looks far too inebriated to catch on, wait for the right moment to slip your hand in his pocket for a wallet, and then flit off with some excuse to enjoy more drinks and dinner on the oblivious suckers dime before they realize all their cash was snatched under their nose.

So just what the fuck did you think you were doing?

Tojis grip on the bottle in front of him tightened dangerously, the glass miraculously holding out against the pressure as his jaw tightens. He's trying not to look, staring would tip off the bar flies around him at the counter, but you're making it a superhuman effort every time you touch that guy a little too much, laugh a little too earnestly.

Before he can consider the action he's already up, stool of ripped upholstery shrieking backwards from the sticky bartop and he's too focused on you to notice the raised brows of the few other patrons as he stalks over to you.

You, all over this no name fuck like you really want to know him. It just makes his internal pressure worse seeing you grin at him, narrowing your eyes as he grasps your upper arm a little too firmly, pulls you into his side a bit more forcefully than necessary.

Are you fucking enjoying this?

Tojis got every instinct to beat this sap bloody, but for a brief moment he regains control and opts to drag you out into the cold air of the night instead, ruse be damned.

"I was in the middle of something, you know," you snap, grasping his forearm and bringing you both to a halt inside the little side alley behind the bar.

Its the way your fingers subtly rub against his skin that tells him this is some weird game for you, that you're fucking with him and getting him wound up for the sake of it.

"And now you're not," he says bluntly, pushing you against the frigid brickwork. "What the hell was so funny in there anyway?"

You giggle again, enjoying this way too much as your eyes scan his face, that smirk returning to your features as his breathing turns harsher than usual.

"Oh you know, I kinda wanted to see if he could work me the way he said."

Its enough to make him see red.

"But why the hell do you care? Isn't this all "casual"?" You mock in air quotations.

And sure, that's what you both said every time you'd end up with each other at the end of a night or whenever you'd pull small time scams like this but knowing he wasn't the only one to see you, want you, made something tighten in his gut. Something he really didn't like to scrutinize too closely.

Without a word one calloused hand cradles the back of your head, the other keeping you caged against the bricks as he captured your lips in a searing kiss.

For your part you know everything that's in that kiss, can practically taste the insecurity and the naked plea he'd never be able to force out of his throat. But it's alright, because at the same time you know it means everything and nothing at all. He's not a man of grand promises or declarations.

What you don't know is just how territorial he really feels towards you, how often he finds himself in this position but rarely lets himself act on it. He knows you like your fucked up little games, and often chooses to ignore your efforts to wind him up. But goddamn you could wind him tighter than a spring most nights with just a sideways glance.

If asked he'd probably say it's because you're the best lay he's ever had, something gruff and vulgar just to make sure you don't feel too self important and so nobody really picks up on the internal chaos you sow in him. And while that's objectively true, you had this same effect on him well before he ever threw you on his bed and had you clawing at his back.

His lips move to devour the side of your neck and you can feel how hard he is, fingers sliding through his hair and tugging as his teeth graze your skin. Its almost a shame he's not the kind of guy to put on this show in front of anyone, but it's satisfying for you nevertheless.

Eagerly you stroke your palm against his erection through his pants, adrenaline and arousal shooting through your blood like an injection at the way he groans against your jaw. The air no longer feels artic against your skin, if anything you're surprised it's not steaming off you as you start sinking to your knees on the filthy asphalt.

Before you get too far he's stopping you, pressing his chest to yours a little harder, urging you to wrap one leg around his hip as his fingers clumsily push your damp underwear to the side and rub forcefully against your clit.

The stimulation catches you off guard, like being given ever so slight electric shocks as the calloused pads of his fingers slide over your clit, his mouth hot over yours in a kiss that's all tongue, teeth, and desperation. It strokes your ego in a similar way to him stroking your cunt, making you wetter as he pulls away to fumble with his waistband.

The real prize of the games you play with each other is this: feeling him lining up with you, the girth of his head pushing your walls apart as every subsequent inch of him slides inside you and makes your mouth drop open as the pain of the stretch gives way to intense pleasure.

His pelvic bone smacks against you rhythmically, body feeling like it's on fire with the need to keep your soaked cunt clamped around him, how overwhelming it feels to be inside you every time. His other hand comes to grab the nap of your neck, forcing you to keep your eyes on him as his forehead rests against yours.

"Think he could've fucked you like this?" He grunts out and his gaze makes you feel more pinned to the wall than anything. But he doesn't let you answer, focusing his fingers again on rubbing your aching clit and drinking down every moan and whimper you let out against his lips while he splits you open.

What he wouldn't give to have that limp fucker watching you two right now.

The thought spurs him on, thrusts getting harder and sloppier, taking every ounce of self control to not immediately cum when he feels your walls squeezing him in a stranglehold, the way your pussy sucks him back in with every thrust and obviously aching to milk him for everything he's got to give.

And give he does, only holding out for a few more particularly brutal thrusts that have you mewling and digging your fingers into his shoulders before flooding you with thick spurts of cum. He fucks through his own orgasm, swallow erratic thrusts as he glances down, feeling nearly dizzy at the way your body takes him and the creamy ring of white at the base of his cock.

His grip on your thigh tightens, a smug smile painting his features.

Only fair that the prize for your weird little game is being forced to walk home with his cum dripping from your pussy.