#BECAUSE FUCKING CASSANDRA IS THE BEST AND DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHATEVER THAT SHIT WAS IN EP 1

[smolandweirdwriter]

guys if i can't watch fantasy high junior year immediately i am going to cry

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Bound Blood (Cassandra Dimitrescu/Reader, Soulmate AU) Pt. 4

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T+ for language, nudity (but, like, for art), and violence Warnings: Unhealthy dynamics, including violence between the shipped pair, leaning heavily into the "enemies" part of "enemies to friends to lovers" Summary: Local vampire discusses art, depictions of certain anatomy, and enjoys the company of her feral soulmate for 4.5 minutes. Then it goes to shit (as things tend to do). 0-60 Real goddamn quick. Previous Chapters: 1: Sharing Is (Not) Caring; 2: Bloodbath, Baby!, 3: Haunt Me Dearly

4: Portraits For Ghosts

“Am I really supposed to just… stay here? Did she honestly think that I, of all people, would behave? The universe gave me two good hands, and by God, I intend to make that someone else’s problem,” you mutter to yourself as you get dressed. It’s not that you necessarily had anything in mind, rather that you hated the idea of waiting around for who knows how long for Cassandra to return. Especially considering what she had done prior to leaving. Sure, you had laughed, but that hadn’t meant much in the end. At this point, you hadn’t even been out of the dungeon for a full day yet, and the memories of what happened there were fresh in your mind. Nightmares, too, even if you had pushed them aside to deal with Cassandra’s. Why did I bother? You wonder, frowning. There was hardly any point to comforting a monster, no matter the way they trembled.

Or at least that’s the lie you sold yourself.

Soon enough, a knock at the door brings you out of your head. Daphne, maybe, you think, remembering the maiden from yesterday. When you open the door, however, you’re met with an unfamiliar woman. She’s a few years your senior, at the very least, and appears surprised to see you. In her hands is a very enticing tray of food.

“Lady Cassandra wanted me to bring this to you. I am… I am glad to see you are feeling better already,” she says, voice shaking. What was with these maidens and assuming you were anything like your soulmate? Though that last part did catch your interest. Something told you that she wasn’t at all referring to your time in the dungeon. If you had learned anything from Daphne, it was that the best way to get information was to be indirect. So you graciously accepted the food, before speaking, dodging your way around your ignorance.

“Yes, it’s amazing what a bit of meditating can do for the soul- and body, that is,” you start, watching closely for any veiled reactions. Even within the first few words you can tell that this stranger wasn’t expecting you to be pleasant. “Out of curiosity, what did my Lady say about my condition? There are, uh, a few details that I hope she did not share. I’m sure you understand.” As soon as the words leave your mouth, the maiden is nodding, appearing eager to satisfy you. Maybe a hint of fear can be useful, after all.

“No worries, Lady Cassandra did well to respect your privacy, and we would not dare question her further. She simply explained, to her family, that you were dealing with a migraine. I only heard this because I was helping serve breakfast,” she explained, smiling softly. You’re quick to nod, mimicking her expression for maximum empathy. “Do you require anything else? I am here to serve, you must only ask.” Ah, perfect. Would she have offered this even if you hadn’t attempted to be charming? Probably, but your politeness certainly didn't hurt.

“Well, there is one thing… as long as it’s no trouble.”

---------------------------

It had been a risk, asking the servant to take you to a room you weren’t sure existed, but one that had paid off brilliantly. Even if said room was nothing like you had anticipated. Who would have thought that Cassandra, you think, would be an artist? What’s far less surprising is the fact that the studio (or ‘study’, as you had called it) is a disorganized disaster. Discarded papers lie scattered around an overflowing trash can, a cabinet with an attached tool rack is missing pieces, and in one corner there are literally random shards of broken glass lying about. What is this, performance art? Part of you feels tempted to clean up the mess, if only to occupy your time. Instead, you decide to examine some of the pieces within the room. Maybe somehow they’d tell you something noteworthy about your soulmate.

First, you move to your left, where a workbench houses strange sculptures. For the most part they’re abstract, jagged edges contrasting with gentle curves, but there is one you think you understand. It’s very clearly a bust… of someone’s ‘bust’. Guess that solves the age old question of ‘boobs or ass’, you think, stifling a giggle. Moving on, you shift your attention to the exposed section of the cabinet. One row is dedicated to small vials, each labeled with a concerning ‘blood’, despite the fact that it’s clearly not refrigerated. Still, you have heard of artists painting with blood before, but you seem to recall them mixing it with something else. Perhaps Cassandra had done the same? Though you did wonder if she had any difficulty resisting the urge to drink the blood, at least prior to mixing it.

Shrugging, you continue to the other side of the studio, squatting to get a closer look at the broken glass. As expected, there’s no discernable pattern or purpose. Huh, you think, wonder why she doesn’t clean up. Maybe she’s waiting for a servant to do it? Guessing her reasoning was rather difficult, especially considering your lack of context, such as how long the mess had been here. Deciding that this was a pointless distraction, you move on to the only other thing of note in the room: An easel, in the center, with a canvas nearly as tall as yourself. So far, there’s little on it other than pencil lines, a sketch marking where to paint certain details. Only the (start of) the background has been colored. Understandably, it’s hard to make out what exactly the finished project would end up representing. Based on what you know of Cassandra and her family, however, you infer that this- with four figures, one larger than the others, protective- is a painting of the castle residents.

“Family means something to you, hmm?... I hope that mine does not miss me much, for I will never see them again,” you say to yourself, instinctively reaching out towards the art. Before you can touch it, or think better of it, the door to the studio is flying open. In storms Cassandra, fists clenched at her sides. As soon as she sees you, she’s rushing forward, pulling you away from the easel. “Hello, darling. Glad to see me feeling better, yes?” You teased, smiling wide at her. Feeling a bit emboldened by your earlier success, you go a step further, leaning in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek.

“I swear to fuck, if you touched any of my stuff-” Cassandra starts to say, intentionally ignoring the kiss, even though her cheeks get flush at the contact.

“Nope, not a single thing. Not even the broken glass. Nice touch, by the way, makes the whole space feel a helluva lot cozier,” you interject. For a few moments she holds you by your shirt collar, staring you in the eyes as if determining whether or not to believe you. Somehow, some way, she declares you innocent, releasing you with an irritated sigh. After pretending to dust yourself off, you return your attention to the central canvas. “Do you do a lot of art of your family? I passed by several pieces on my way here, though they were certainly in a different style.” Another pause, with Cassandra waiting for you to spring a verbal trap.

“Some of those are mother’s work,” she answers, tentatively, eying you closely. When you merely nod in reply, expecting her to elaborate, she starts to relax, little by little. “I doubt you passed any of mine. Mother tends to keep those closer to her quarters, or near the main entrance.” Interesting, you think, why hasn’t she addressed my original question?

“It sounds like she’s very proud of you,” you muse, still facing away from your soulmate. There’s a slight shakiness to your voice, as your mind starts to dwell on memories of your own family. Perhaps noticing this, Cassandra takes a few steps closer, one hand hovering over your shoulder, not quite sure if you needed (or perhaps deserved) any comfort. In this moment, you feel far more vulnerable than you had the day before. Taking a deep breath, you try to center yourself, before perfectly ruining whatever trust you had just established with Cassandra. “Something tells me she doesn’t know about the titty sculpture though, right? Can’t quite imagine that one being displayed where everyone can see it.”

To your immense surprise, Cassandra gives you a blank stare.

“You… you really don’t know anything about my mother, do you?” She says, after several awkward seconds. It feels strange to think that she had been furious, merely a handful of minutes ago. “If you actually behave for a while, I can show you some of her favorite pieces around the castle. Then maybe you’ll understand.” Intrigued, you debate how exactly to respond. On one hand, you did want to see the art, but on the other hand… misbehaving was your goal of the day.

“Sounds like a nice date to me. Why not start the tour right now?” You suggest, hoping to meet your ‘politeness quota’ earlier rather than later. Still, it is in your very nature to be chaotic, and you find yourself giving Cassandra an affectionate shoulder touch. It’s not at all genuine, but the two of you blush nonetheless. How could you not, when your blood was bound together, hearts made to race in sync?

“Don’t get friendly with me,” Cassandra stammers, unadjusted to the way her pulse pounded. “This isn’t a date. We’re just- it doesn’t matter, actually. As long as it means getting you out of my studio, I don’t care.” With that said, she takes your hand in her own, pulling you towards the exit. If she has any feelings about the soft touch, she hides them well… unlike yourself. Cheeks flushed, you’re half tempted to yank yourself out of her grip, hating the way your heart skips a few beats. Would I still feel this way if I didn’t know we were soulmates? You wonder, biting your lower lip to prevent any unwanted comments from slipping out. Soon enough you’d have art aplenty to distract yourself with. Hopefully.

---------------------------

“My God, you were not kidding. I don’t- I can’t even think of anything clever to say,” you chime, staring dumbfounded at the several statuettes of naked women. They seemed to fulfill some other purpose, one you couldn’t parse at the moment, but you could hardly think about the details right now. “I mean, good for your mother, for sticking to a theme, I suppose,” you continue, tripping over your own tongue, uncharacteristically quiet. Clearly amused by your flustered display, Cassandra lets out a hearty laugh.

“Good to know some things can shut you up. I’ll have to keep this in mind for next time you bother me,” she teases, light-heartedly. Her words only fluster you more, though they quickly give you room to counter, much to your joy.

“Is that so? Planning on carrying around a busty bust for the rest of your life, or thinking of going the more au naturel route?” You asked, briefly sticking your tongue out at Cassandra. It takes her a moment to understand what you’re getting at, but as soon as she does she’s smacking your arm with an offended huff. Despite her irritation, the blow is relatively soft, and you swear you can see her fighting to hide a smile. “Starting to go soft on me, are you? I hardly even felt that one.”

“So you’d prefer I hit you harder? And to think you called me kinky,” Cassandra fires back, without a hint of hesitation. Now both of you are laughing, softly, like old friends sharing fond memories. It’s… weirdly nice. A warmth fills your chest, even as you try to remind yourself that you shouldn’t be happy right now. Damn it, you think, suddenly frowning, hands clenching. We shouldn’t be having fun banter, back and forth like a real couple. Not when I’ve still got wounds from her hands on my skin. Instinctively you reach up to your face, thumb running over the marks Cassandra’s nails had left behind. The touch stings, bad, no matter how gentle you try to be. Noticing your shift in expression, your soulmate inches closer. “If your wounds are bothering you, I can have one of the servants get more ointment or whatever it is we have around. I don’t want you to-... There’s no reason for you to suffer more than you need to, besides, I don’t want you complaining all day.” Of course she couldn’t bring herself to imply that she cared. Of course. It wasn’t like the two of you were actually capable of being soft for each other, obviously. All of your confusion melts down, boiled by the warmth in your chest, turning to a familiar, albeit painful, rage.

“Right, right! Because you care so fucking much, yeah? What the fuck am I doing? Why am I-” you jab a finger towards her chest, accusatory- “talking to you? Why am I pretending you're not the one who did this to me? You’re the fucking reason my face hurts, my shoulder hurts, my brain-... I can’t stop thinking about everything that happened down there. I can’t get those goddamn images out of my head, every time I close my eyes, every time I look at you. I…” You trail off, chest heaving a little, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Cassandra’s standing tall, unflinching, but there’s a noticeable regret in her expression.

“What. Are. You… going to do about it?” She asks, through clenched teeth, fighting back the full force of her emotions. You can’t tell what exactly she’s feeling, but you know that you want her to show you. Every part of you is itching for a fist fight, regardless of how stupid you know the idea is.

“Depends, dickwad, on whether or not these statuettes are properly secured,” you snap, already moving, fully abandoning all impulse control. By the time your hand grips the first sculpture, Cassandra has put you in a headlock, forcefully tugging you backwards. Panic sets in, making you try to jam your elbows into her stomach. Before long both of you are tumbling to the floor, bodies already aching, limbs flailing wildly in an attempt to hit a target, any target. In the end the air is knocked from your lungs as your head smacks against the ground. “Shit, shit, shit,” you grumble, coughing, finally processing just how much of a dumbass you were. It’s clear that at least one of the previous day’s wounds has reopened, and you feel something wet and sticky on your shirt.

“Finished, asshole?” Cassandra wheezes, sounding dazed, roughly pulling you up by your shirt collar. You nod, refusing to meet her gaze. Then she’s sighing in relief, letting you lean on her for support, holding you surprisingly close, considering the circumstances. “Let’s get you cleaned up. Again…”

[black-rose-writings]

Fate rant part 3 - the side antagonists

Continuation of part 2

I’ll try to order them by seasons, but a lot of them appear in more than one, so let’s go.

Seasons 1-5 (ish) - Mitzi

Mitzi is your basic rich bully. Very generic, 0 depth.

Stalks Brandon for a part of season 4 because he saves her life and that’s probably her biggest role in the entire show.

All seasons - Diaspro

She deserved better. There, I said it.

Diaspro was arranged to be married to Sky at a very young age and was raised with this in mind. She was raised believing she would one day be the queen of Eraklyon. Arranged or not, she fell in love with Sky, kinda. It was probably more of an entitlement, but to be fair to her, that’s how it was presented to her.

And then, he breaks the engagement off for (as far as she knew) some peasant girl who also makes you look like an idiot in front of a whole bunch of people.

Sky cheated on her, plain and simple and she’s rightfully angry about it.

Because her purpose is basically just to be “the crazy clingy ex” to Sky, her quality as an antagonist varries wildly, from being an actually competent enemy who can get carried away by her love(ish) for Sky and/or hatred of Bloom in seasons 3 and 6, to being ridiculous, goofy and stupid like in season 8.

Season 3 - Countess Cassandra and her daughter

Stella’s almost wicked step-mom and step-sister.

There’s not much to say for the daughter, she’s a basic rich kid bully.

Cassandra is a moderately interesting character. She’s shown to be manipulative and a status seeker, who is willing to make a deal with the devil and endanger her planet just for power and status.

Season 4 - The Earth Fairies

When the Earth fairies are freed, they go on a vengeance crusade, basically.

And can you blame them?

While we don’t know why the Wizards started hunting them or the full history between fairies and humans, we the Wiazrds were hunting them, forced them into hiding for centuries, mutilated them and locked them in their own realm - again, for centuries in some cases. And the humans didn’t do jack shit and, as we later see in season 7, at least some humans were actively trying to hunt and kill magic users/fairies on their own. Assuming witch trials happened in the Winx universe, it’s likely some fairies got torched, too. And since fairies of Earth are heavily tied to nature, they also weren’t exactly thrilled with what humans have done to the planet, either.

They end up giving humans a second chance at the end, after witnessing for themselves that there are some humans who are not complete garbage, kinda begining the environmental themes of the following seasons.

They’re fun and interesting as antagonists, partly because most people can see where they’re coming from.

But seriously, I’d like some backstory.

Season 6 - Selina

I don’t know what to think of Selina because, well, she’s sort of all over the place.

The best way I can understand it is that she was brainwashed/corrupted by the Legendarium/Acheron and eventually breaks through that brainwashing when he double-crosses her.

Her being Bloom’s old friend didn’t really do much, except break the established lore, especially season 4′s.

Season 8 - Obscurio

He’s a funny punching bag henchman with a unibrow. What else can I say?

Like, there’s some point around him about feeling left-out or overshadowed by his sister ala Loki, but because the target audince is toddlers, everything is solved with a hug.

Fate - Beatrix

One could argue she’s the main villain, but honestly, she is really just a hench-girl to the real bad guys.

She’s edgy, she drops a few passable one-liners and she kills people without hesistation. Whoopty-fucking-doo.

I will dive into how she compares to the OG Trix, but let’s just say she’s fucking boring compared to them.

Also, smoking is fucking disgusting, whether it’s weed, tobacco or whatever else. It’s disgusting and makes me lose all respect for someone as a person or character.

Fate - Riven

Again, he’s an insult to the OG Riven, but let’s sum up his role:

He’s edgy, he’s an asshole, he drops a handful of passable one liners and is down for murder as long as there’s a hot girl in it for him. Also, really terrible bisexual representation.

OG Riven has a crappy life and he’s acts like an asshole as a result. Fate!Riven is just a dick for no discernable reason.

Basically, both of these two are like pizza-cutters (as is the whole show, honestly) - all edge and no point.

Fate - The Teachers

I’m putting them all in a single point.

They’re not really antagonists, but they’re shady as hell and the confusing writing doesn’t do them any favors.

And that’s about it.

[woahajimes]

So this is more of a personal opinion but the Teen Titans run in 2003 is... really painful to read as someone who got really attached to the Young Justice (98) run. For a whooole number of reasons.. but today I will concentrate on bart (because like for the past three days al ive talked about is bart) 

Because the first issues are all “Impulse you’re so fucking useless” and “ew don’t touch me” and “Oh my god conner i missed you so much” and absolutely nobody believes in Bart. And it pisses me off. 

Wally was written as such a fucking asshole. “I took things seriously” OH IM SORRY MR PERFECT THAT NEVER FUCKING GOOFED AROUND AND HAD FRIENDS AND GOT EXCITED AND USED HIS POWERS TO HIS ADVANTAGE???? and suddenly bart does it and he’s such a fucking failure and he’s not good enough???? Give me a fucking BREAK. “I founded the titans” okay yes do you want a gold star??? So petty and for what smh

And I mean... bart is so... he’s bart. and I absolutely love him. He’s just excited, and people take this as ridiculously stupid and immature. And YES i have read the issues where bart spends three solid minutes talking to a cardboard cut-out of the flash, but he’s just a kid... he deserves better than whatever the fuck this run is

.... let that one linger. I mean I’m no Bart but hearing that hurts. A lot. 

And Cassandra (i refuse to call whoever she is ‘cassie’) was such a bitch to him?? i get that she got expelled from school but the rest is all bullshit (cassandra here got expulsed because she threw a tantrum and gave out her secret idenity to the whole school and used her powers, which already tells you that this is out of character- although she might have done something similar but she wouldn’t go as far as she did)

You can’t even blame Bart for being ‘immature’ and ‘childish’ here because they’re literally 16???? 17 at most and Cassandra is written as such a fucking bitchhh in the whole runnn and im pretty sure all my mutuals hate me for saying it so often but it makes me so angry (as you probably noticed). And I’m not talking about the costume design (although, if you ask me it’s really out of character and also its ugly and my baby cassie would have done waay better than that. I mean she had biker shorts because they were good to kick in and now she has JEANS???? and a belt to top that WITH A HEADBAND???? cassie is a barette bitch and her hair is short because she likes it like that and she would rather die than get bangs). And I don’t know what’s going on with her, but what the fuck is up with tim?? I’m sure he’s got his shit going on at home with batsy but like.... fuck you

they’re all being such assholes to bart, but he’s there nonetheless, energetic and bubbly, as if nothing’s happened. He even had a heart-to-back with Cassandra (you can guess who spilled their heart and who gave their back)

Oh and don’t let me forget that after this, Cassandra still thinks on leaving. But then cOnNeR goes “no you belong here” and cassandra goes “aw youre right lets kiss now” (not that i have anything against kon or the ship but it was just taken to extremes in this run, because conner this and conner that and lets clone my dead best friend and your boyfriend oh and lets kiss too because we totally dont do that enough)

Now they’re at this prison of sorts and there’s a fire, and there’s smoke and Bart takes in consideration that he might hurt someone if he goes too fast (because of the smoke) 

And oh im sorry okay cassie no need to use THAT tone (although ill let it slide, it’s cool i get it- sorta)

AND THEN BECAUSE ITS TOTALLY NOT MOTHERFUCKING ENOUGH BECAUSE NOBODY HAS NEGLECTED BART ENOUGH ALREADY THIS HAPPENS

“help out impulse” NO FUCK YOU???? ‘Oh impulse the smoke just magically cleared stop being so useless” EXCUSE YOU???? and may i add that kori is also... not that nice to bart...

OH AND MAY I ADD THAT AS BART WENT IN THE BUILDING (because KORY told him to) HE GOT SHOT WITH A TRANQUILIZER THAT IMMOBILIZED HIM FOR A FUCKING HALF MINUTE AND THEN SLADE BLEW HIS KNEECAP OFF??? AND IT DIDN’T OCCUR TO FUCKING KORY THAT IT WAS HER THAT TOLD HIM TO GO IN THE FIRST PLACE???? hhh

call me insane but this is just.... really out of character (then again almost the whole thing is) because you can’t tell me that Cassie and Kon (and tim and cissie and greta and literally anyone that bart has ever interacted with because that’s the effect that he has on people) wouldn’t destroy every piece of shit in their way to blow off slade’s other eye. and after this they do go after slade but like hhhhhhhhhhhhh my boy deserves better okay reading these issues is just liek pouring bleach in my eyes its just... sigh

OH AND THEN BART GOT AGED UP AND IM LIKE OKAY AND THNE HE DIED RIGHT AND THEY GRIEVED HIM FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES AND THEN THEY WENT BACK TO CLONING CONNER AND IM JUST LIKE???????

[littlesparklight]

I hate Achilles too 🥰 #stopAchillespropaganda /jk (maybe...)

;) Glad to know I’m not alone, anon!

But, like, now that I’m less intolerably cranky and have gotten my ranting needs over everyone fawning over Achilles (and Patroclus) out of the way (for the moment, admittedly...) I can have some more overarching thoughts about this.

Everyone who likes Achilles always seems to brush off what Achilles does right there in the Iliad, or not care about it. To be sure, Achilles isn’t the only one who would have outraged an enemy’s corpse if they’d gotten the chance to. Both Sarpedon and Patroclus would have been in a bad position if the Achaeans or Trojans got to either of them. Achilles is just the only one who not only gets the chance to do it, he attempts to do it for nine days, and the only reason Hector’s corpse isn’t pieces of ripped apart skeleton with strips of meat hanging onto it, is because Aphrodite and Apollo kept it untouched. Hell, Achilles’ grief could/would have resulted in Patroclus’ corpse being worse for the wear, since only Thetis being able to offer ambrosia keeps it untouched until the belated burial!

That’s not the only thing he does in the Iliad alone, of course, but lets leave Achilles’ greatest crimes (I’m not sure what sort of crime wilfully getting a lot of people on your own side killed would count as, but it’s there) to the side for a moment.

Let’s touch on other characters instead. Those who get basically universally reviled despite that they either do less, or just about the same as Achilles have done.

Paris first. Like, yeah, he’s a bit of a whiny shit who worms himself out of combat, he doesn’t come across at his best in the Iliad, but like... so what if he’s a coward? War is scary, and unfortunately you can’t be someone who’s bad at war in a society where being good at war is the mark of a man. I also have high doubts he actually thought a war, even less a ten year one, would come out of what he did (since that’s not usually what happens in these circumstances [in myth]). Also, Paris gets treated kind of shitty both by characters (Achaeans) and the narrative for wielding a bow... despite that there are Achaeans who wield bows too, but it’s only okay and still manly when “our” side does it! Helen and Paris... personally, I interpret it that yeah, she was genuinely attracted to him, and the fact that she’s fed up in the Iliad doesn’t say anything about the previous ten, 15 or even 18 (as in the Bibliotheke) years that went before that. That’s plenty of time to fall out of love even if you started it in love and eager to leave.

Agamemnon. This dude, who yes, does shitty stuff, but compared to Achilles he has had his greatest crime blasted out in coherently readable form full of pathos and angst and revenge for the last over 2000 years. The poor people who still like Agamemnon/the Atreides despite the genuine bad things done are in a similar position as people who dislike Achilles; you’re working against the stream. Agamemnon is an asshole, but when it comes to Briseis and Chryseis he’s not any worse of an asshole than any other man in that army, Achilles included. His greatest dumbass move when it comes to Chryseis is in just not taking the ransom, but look, this is the man who wilfully claimed to be better than Artemis at hunting (he knows what things like this leads to!!! it’s family history!!!) and thus caused the whole Iphigenia situation, I’m not surprised he’d refuse the ransom to keep his High Honour war prize.

(That both Achilles and Agamemnon whine about their war prizes as if those are the ONLY WOMEN in their power is hilarious and infuriating both. Because they’re not! There’s loads of slaves they both have!! But no these are special boo hoo.)

Personally I’m kinda cranky Diomedes’ shit get passed over and he gets fawned on as well, but whatever. You don’t see as much of that. Odysseus has always been a complicated bastard, and I’m frankly more uncomprehending over why the hell some people like to talk as if the infidelity he engages in during his trip isn’t a grand tour of getting sexually assaulted, because at least with Calypso that’s what it is.

Okay, with that out of the way, lets get back to Achilles! And his worst crimes. Both of which exist only in summary form, fragments and pictorial evidence, none of which are as easily accessed or out there as Agamemnon “Child Killer” Atreides’ crimes.

Achilles, my dudes, claims a younger teenager as a bride to be sacrificed to him like an animal, after death. Polyxena deserves better than this! But no, she gets specifically murdered because a ghost wanted a “bride”.

Achilles also commits sacrilege by killing a younger teenager (who’s Apollo’s son) at an altar instead of pulling the boy out of the temple. Kills this boy, in Apollo’s temple, at Apollo’s altar.

Sacrilege he doesn’t really get punished for, since Achilles has already doomed himself by staying at Troy, which he knows what it will lead to! All Apollo gets to do is to help/be the one who kills him, which, considering what other gods do in answer to sacrilege (check out that whole fleet getting ripped apart by an angry Athena in response to the Cassandra-Ajax situation!) isn’t much.

Like, Troilus is most known in that fucking travesty that’s Troilus and Cressida. THIS is what this young teenager gets stuck in and most known for, instead being cruelly murdered in a sacrilege by a man who can’t even respect the gods or the child enough to not kill him at the altar.

But because what we have is a story where the tail end of it is Achilles dramatically grieving his killed lover and committing war crimes in said lover’s name, and everyone and their mom knowing Achilles, too, dies later to be buried right next to Patroclus, that’s all that matters.

[sonicgetsrawed]

Cass and Hugo Save the Tangled Universe

Started as a cracky fic about everyone getting thanos snapped, turned angsty, but we got the crack a bit in the end! Hope y’all enjoy!!

“What does this do again?” Cassandra asked, lifting one of the various items on Varian’s workstation.

The young man, and wasn’t that strange to think of Varian as anything other than the small fourteen year old with a crush on her, quickly grabbed it out of her hand. “Don’t touch that. I have a system and everything needs to stay in place if this is going to work.”

“And this piece of metal helps how?” She asked, watching as Varian placed it back on the counter where she had grabbed it from.

“That,” Cassandra rolled her eyes at the new voice. It had been a month since Varian had returned from his own adventure and brought with him, she shuddered, Hugo. “Is a very important piece of metal. It makes sure the radiation and oxygen levels stay where they need to be so we don’t, well you know, die.”

“Sounds fun.” Rapunzel said, sounding more or less unconvinced at her own words. “And this will really help?”

“Theoretically.” Varian started, rubbing the back of his neck. Cassandra repressed an eye roll, she hadn’t been back for long herself and it was still hard to get used to the fact that not everything Varian created anymore was bound to blow up. “If this works,” and there was that little snort laugh she was used to hearing, at least that hadn’t changed. “Corona will have an unlimited supply of power.”

“No more lanterns or candles.” Hugo added, wrapping his arm around Varian’s waist. Her eyes narrowed slightly. She knew she was the last one that should judge, but Hugo had betrayed him and now he was apparently dating Varian. She was trying to be supportive, that didn’t mean she had to like it.

“And everywhere will have hot running water, with a reliable system!” Varian squealed excitedly, a wide smile on his face.

“Well, what are we waiting for?! Let’s turn it on!” Rapunzel said, just as excitedly as Varian, her hand reaching for the on switch.

“No, no, no. It’s nowhere near ready.” Varian said sheepishly, grabbing Rapunzel’s wrist to stop her. “There’s still so much we don’t know about how the library works. It’s like a limitless energy source, but also very heavily magic based and we all know magic can be-“

“Unpredictable.” Hugo finished, his eyes darkening just a hair, but Cassandra recognized something in that look. She didn’t know much about what happened inside the library other than they couldn’t save Varian’s mom, if that look was anything to go by it hadn’t been good.

Rapunzel tapped her finger against her chin, before her eyes lit up and she grabbed Varian by the hand, effectively pulling him out of Hugo’s grip. The other did not look happy about it, although he didn’t say anything. “Then we have much to discuss. Do you think you could have a presentation ready by the next council meeting? I’d really like to get everyone’s opinions on this.”

Cassandra tuned out the rest, she had no place in that conversation anyways. Rapunzel may have welcomed her back with open arms but not everyone was so kind, unlike Varian she was replaceable, good fighters could be found anywhere. A mind like Varian’s was not something so easy to come by, and strategy wise it was something one would do better to have on their side. Her eyes snapped up at the sound of metal clanking together. They narrowed when she saw Hugo tampering with the machine. “Varian said not to touch that.”

“Correction, Varian said for you not to touch it. I on the other hand know what I’m doing.” Hugo drawled, continuing to do who knows what to the machine.

“Just because you think-“

“Know!”

“You know what you’re doing, doesn’t mean you should.” Cassandra sneered, electing to ignore his interjection lest she strangle the younger where he stood. Instead she opted to grab whatever odd tool he had been using to do whatever it was he was doing.

“Hey!” Hugo shouted, reaching for the tool. “I was trying to fix something.”

“You were being annoying.” Cassandra corrected, expertly dodging Hugo’s advances.

“Guys, is now really the time?” Varian interjected, moving back towards them, eager to stop the little skirmish before something bad happened. He was too late. Hugo surged forward, grabbing Cassandra’s wrist, but not being able to stop his other hand from reaching out and breaking his fall while simultaneously hitting the on button. The machine whirled to life, the green of the portal filling the space. “What did you-“

Cassandra watched in horror as Varian dropped to his knees, a pained expression on his face as he shakily held his hand up, or what was left of his hand. He was fading, bit by bit, disappearing.

“Varian? What happened?” Hugo let go of her, joining Varian on the ground, taking what little remained of him into his arms.

“I- I think I miscalculated.” Varian’s lips twitched into something more reminiscent of a smile. “Fascinating isn’t it? The science I mean, just…. fascinating.”

“No, I mean yes, but, Var, I can’t lose you. Not again.” Hugo cupped his face, Varian placing his hand over his.

“I-“ and then he was gone, Hugo left on the ground staring at nothing. Cassandra felt just as empty as he looked, Varian was gone. Her pseudo little brother gone, all because she couldn’t let his sleazy ass boyfriend do whatever the fuck he was doing to the machine. They could find a way to reverse it, surely with the three of them they could bring Varian back.

“Cass?” A feeling of dread filling her once again. She turned slowly, Rapunzel already halfway gone. “Cass, I don’t know what’s going on, but I believe that you can fix it. You-“ Her crown clattered to the floor, the only piece left of her.

“Raps?” She knew she would get no response, she was gone, still a part of her hoped this was a cruel joke. She picked up the crown, running her fingers over the cool metal, she’d bring them back, she had to. “Come on, let’s go get someone who can help us figure this out.”

“I can figure this out. I worked on this with Varian, you know.” Hugo responded, finally standing. She decided it was best not to acknowledge his red rimmed eyes.

She sighed, placing the crown down on the counter. “It still wouldn’t be a bad idea to get someone else’s help. Maybe they could see something we don’t.”

Hugo rolled his eyes, if he hadn’t told Varian he’d try to get along with his friends he would’ve argued, instead he just bit his tongue, forcing back the cruel words that threatened to slip past his lips. “Fine. Whatever, let’s do it your way.”

They made their way through the castle, not a single soul in sight. The halls littered with abandoned maid carts, linens, and other various items. The kitchen wasn’t much better, food left on the stove, the fires still burning. Even the dungeons were empty, spears abandoned where the guards once stood. It was like everyone dropped what they were doing and left. The town was very much the same, every last person, no, every last living thing, was gone. Not even the birds chirped in the trees, or the crickets played their little songs nearby. It was all so eerily quiet. Just her and Hugo. And wasn’t that odd, that after everyone was gone Hugo still remained. She turned sharply, sword drawn and at the ready. “What the fuck did you do?”

Hugo stepped back, eyes narrowed as he held up his hands. “What did I do?! You were the one that caused this! If you would’ve left me alone none of this shit would’ve happened! Take responsibility for your own fucking actions for once in your fucking life!”

This time Cassandra stepped back, her sword lowering ever so slightly. “I have! I know what I did was wrong. I’m fixing it, but this, this, isn’t my fault.”

Hugo laughed, the sound cold and bitter, and every bit judgemental. “You didn’t fix shit. You ran from your problems. Set off on this big fucking grand adventure because you couldn’t take the heat. Own your fucking mistakes like the rest of us.”

“Oh, like you? Because from where I’m standing all it looks like you’ve done is weasel your way into Varian’s good graces so you don’t have to face the consequences of your actions. I swear if you even think about hurting him-“

“Like you did?” Hugo cut her off, stepping forward, no longer caring about the sword between them. “You’re a fucking hypocrite you know that? I may have lied, and cheated, and fucking shattered Varian’s heart to pieces, but I own my mistakes. I work my ass off every fucking day to make it up to him. I never claimed to be a good person, I never said I never hurt him, ‘cause I fucking did. I’m not proud of it, I know I don’t deserve someone like Varian. But you can bet your hypocritical ass I’ll spend every fucking second of every fucking day for the rest of my fucking life making it up to him. And I don’t give a shit if you like me or not, but this isn’t going to bring them back. So get off your high horse and fucking work with me.”

Cassandra stood, shocked for a moment as his words sunk in. He didn’t wait for her to respond, already marching back to the palace. She wasn’t running from her mistakes, she had faced them and earned back Rapunzel’s trust, hadn’t she? She wasn’t running, she wasn’t. She clenched her fists, jogging a bit to catch up to Hugo. “Hey!” He didn’t even acknowledge her, which pissed her off more. “Hey! You can’t fucking say that shit and walk away, you fucking jackass! I earned my redemption, same as Varian! So you don’t get to call me a hypocrite, you little piece of shit!”

Hugo turned suddenly, his face dangerously close to hers. “You didn’t earn shit. You just think you did because you’re the princess’s friend and she used her power to keep you from suffering any real consequences. You’re fucking entitled and you’re too fucking stubborn to see it. So, shut the fuck up and help me. Or don’t, at this point I don’t really give a shit about what you do. But I’m bringing them back one way or another.” He didn’t even raise his voice, but something about its lower, quieter tone made it all the more dangerous.

There was no room for argument. Not that she wanted another one, he was right about one thing, they needed to save their friends and it wouldn’t get done with the constant arguing. She could recognize that much, they could always hash out their problems later, once everyone was safe and sound. “Fine, I’ll help.” Cassandra agreed, Hugo finally backing up.

“Good. I’ll need someone to hold the light.” Hugo said, his tone no lighter than before, not that she could blame him, she was still pissed herself. They just needed to get through this, then they could go back to hating each other. She’d done worse, she had pretended to be interested in Hubert, she could put up with Hugo to get their friends back, how bad could it be?

Really bad, apparently. Just five minutes into trying to figure out the machine the arguing had already started back up. “I thought you said you worked on this with Varian.” Cassandra said, holding the little glowing vial so Hugo could see whatever schematic he was looking over now.

“I did. That doesn’t mean I remember everything about it. There’s a shit ton of trial and error in this.” Hugo huffed, adjusting his glasses for the millionth time as he squinted at the paper in his hands. “Varian, I love you, but goddamn it you have to be more organized.” He mumbled under his breath, she still heard.

Cassandra sat up straighter, suddenly at full attention. “You love him?”

Hugo stiffened, but nodded nonetheless. “Of course I do. I just haven’t told him yet, so keep your mouth shut.”

Love was not a subject she was comfortable with, not something she fully understood, but talking about that was infinitely better than the stifling silence or the arguing. “Why not?”

Normally he wouldn’t have answered, he shouldn’t have, it was frankly none of her damn business. But if this didn’t work and he never got Varian back, if they never got anyone back, would it matter? Hugo shrugged. “I wanted to do it right, I guess. Take him on a proper date for once, all that romantic shit he deserves. Tell him then.”

Cassandra hummed, maybe she had misjudged him, he was still a little shit, but he did seem to truly care for Varian. “Well when we get them back-“

“If we get them back.” Hugo interjected, frowning harshly at the paper.

“When we get them back, you can take him on that date. Now, let’s see those schematics.” Cassandra reassured, grabbing her own handful of the papers. She hoped they got Rapunzel back soon, she was already sick of being the positive one. She glanced at Hugo, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. She hated to admit when she was wrong, the more time she spent with him though, the more she could see why Varian was drawn to him and how much Hugo cared for him. “I appreciate how much you care about Varian. He needs someone like you in his life. I still don’t like how you got here, but I think you’re good for him.”

Hugo chuckled lightly, his darker tone gone, a bit of light returning to his eyes. “Was that an apology?”

“Not a chance in hell, kid.” Cassandra shot back, her eyes narrowing at the paper in her hands, just looking at it gave her a headache.

“Hey! I’m not even that much younger than you!” Hugo protested, a smile overtaking his features before Cassandra could respond. “You sly little bastard. Of course you’d fucking encode it and not tell me.”

“So, you found something?” Cassandra asked, leaning over to look at his paper.

Hugo hummed in confirmation, grabbing a blank piece of paper and begun writing on it. “Yes! All we need is-“ his eyes drifted to her chest, and for a second she thought she was going to have to slaughter him on the spot. Did it really count as murder if no one would be around to accuse her? “That! Give me your necklace!”

Cassandra raised an eyebrow, instinctively reaching for her necklace. “My necklace?”

“Yes, give it. I need the Cassandrium.” Hugo clarified, holding his hand out for her to drop it in. She complied, not bothering to ask what he needed it for, she wasn’t likely to understand anyways. She patiently watched Hugo work, doing whatever he told her to, until finally he stepped back, wiping the grease off his face. “That should do the trick. Would you like to do the honors?”

“Sure.” Cassandra agreed, taking the offer for what it was, an olive branch. She flipped the switch, holding her breath as the machine came to life once again. Hugo looked just as nervous as her. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, Hugo covering it with his own. They both sucked at words and emotions, but it was their silent acknowledgement of working through their problems together. “It’ll work, and if it doesn’t we’ll try as many times as it takes.”

Hugo sucked in a breath as the room lit up, both covering their eyes at the sudden onslaught to their eyes. When it subsided they slowly lowered their hands, Hugo laughing at the scene in front of him.

“Hugo!” Varian laughed, running forward, Hugo meeting him halfway. Their lips locking in a kiss as soon as they were close enough. “I knew you’d figure it out.”

Hugo laughed again, pressing their foreheads together. “Would’ve been a lot sooner if you’d left me the code.”

“Where would be the fun in that?” Varian teased, capturing his lips once more.

“Cass?” Cassandra turned, smiling as she faced Rapunzel, the other looking disoriented but otherwise in one piece.

Cassandra wrapped her in a quick hug. “You’ve got to stop scaring me like that, Raps.”

Rapunzel laughed. “No promises.”

“Is anyone going to explain to me what the fresh fuck just happened?!” Eugene exclaimed, running down the steps, towel wrapped around his waist and soap in his hair. “I was taking my bath, disappear who the fuck knows where, and then I’m returned to a fucking ice cold bath! If this was a prank I swear I’m skinning all of you alive!”

The group of four exchanged a look with each other, before simultaneously scattering across the room. “Not it!”

[your-turn-to-role]

Top 5 critical role npcs who are family members of player characters

you know i’m kind of honoured by how well you lot know me, all the questions i’ve got today have been so targeted at the shit i’m into

but oooooohhh, this is a question

like there’s a space for family members who i love

and there’s also a space for the ones who are complete dickheads or outright villains but are interesting, or have interesting scenes (thoreau lionett, syldor vessar, kevdak, a lot of the trickfoots)

but just going with that former question....

5. Cassandra de Rolo

her and percy have the best relationship, for starters, i love the very careful mix of “we lost all our other family and you’re all i have left and you’re the most important person in the world to me and i love you” but also “you’re my sibling and i cannot stand to see your face”, it makes for the funniest scenes, percy hugging her and her fighting him off, cass mocking percy after they get back in search for bob, the whole thing after his resurrection... it’s wonderful.

but also just on her own merit, this girl has been through a lot, like... losing your whole family when you’re only 13 or so (a lot of people seem to forget she’s the youngest de rolo), hiding in your own house and hearing them torture your brother, helping him escape only to get shot down and nearly die, wake up and be told percy’s dead too, you really have nothing left. living in the same castle as the murderers for your entire teenage years, watching as they slowly kill your city, mind controlling you into helping. being freed from that and suddenly instated as the leader of the city, just barely an adult and not trusting any of your own decisions but knowing that everyone relies on you, and you can’t let them down. and fucking doing it, like, cassandra is so fucking strong, barely anyone even knows she’s struggling. more hugs for cass pls she’s real good and didn’t deserve this

(also, rogues. are my fave.)

4. Velora Vessar

god i wish we could have seen more of her. i know they can’t do anything about the technical difficulties but the fact that her first scene gets cut out is an endless source of frustration, i want to see the child!

but what we do have is wonderful, she’s so cute, i love. both of the twins are so soft around her which is a side of them i love seeing, and also like... her and her outdoorsy nature and her owlbear and her just lowkey encouraging the twins’ rebellion by being a rebellious child and her pretending to be the twins and just aaaaaahhhh

she’s also like... somewhere between fjord and caleb’s age (which is kind of weird to think about but also you can reverse it and think about how during the vox machina campaign fjord and caleb were this tiny), so she’s high on the list of characters i’d like to see return in campaign 2, it probably won’t happen but like... i wanna know what velora’s like now

(rogue! rogue! rogue! rogue! rogue!)

3. Calliope or Clarabelle Clay

yeah, i really can’t pick on this one. i mean this space is kinda for all the clays, because i adore this family and everything about it, but particularly the sisters. calliope because we saw the most of her and her relationship with caduceus which is also great (like, i love endlessly loving sibling relationships as much as the next person but sibling relationships with taliesin’s characters are just so antagonistic in the funniest way, the scene with cad and calliope and the pool? perfection), and clarabelle because she’s small and weird and likes bugs and i adore her

2. Marion Lavorre

i love that there’s a mother in this show that isn’t dead? and is a good mother? of the very few mothers in dnd that are alive, most of them aren’t great people, or at the very least, enabling a very not great father. but marion is just so wonderful, i love her so much. i also love the fact that like, she’s a sex worker and everyone knows this but no one thinks less of her for it, she’s incredibly highly respected and everyone loves her, and while she may be a single parent of a daughter she wasn’t prepared for, she’s given that daughter more love than like every other parent in this show combined. takes no shit, is incredibly respectful of whatever jester wants to do with her life, jester can talk openly to her about anything, there’s no judgement, just support. also like... has fears, struggles to leave the house, but isn’t looked down on for that either

(also i just adore seeing her interact with the rest of the mighty nein, it’s so funny)

1. Kaylie Shorthalt

it’s funny considering scanlan is pretty low on the list of my favourite characters, not because i don’t like him, just, he’s not much my type and everyone else i like more. but seriously i would watch a whole show just for kaylie. i love the way matt plays her, i love her personality, i love her character arc and development, i love what her presence does to scanlan’s character arc and development, i love that she’s a tough street-wise gnome girl who will beat your ass in a bar fight but also is a violinist (and like, fiddler style, i say this as someone who plays the violin and also has a bit of experience with most instruments, that is one of the hardest things to learn in music, it requires so much patience, dedication, and precision. fiddlers get a reputation based on the style of music they play of being like... easy going laid back jokey people but legit if someone can play a fiddle well they are every bit as professional as a goddamn orchestral pianist), as well as pretty good in most other instruments. this girl will 100% cheat you out of money in a gambling game but also you could put her in a music school and she’d show up almost everyone there, i’m not kidding.

her dedication and skill is also pretty clear when like... her and scanlan left for a year to figure themselves out and returned as crime lords running half of ank’harel.

and then she decides what she wants to do with her life after vecna’s gone and scanlan’s no longer in danger is go to school, because she never finished school, but not just to learn, specifically to prove she’s better than rich kids

(and probably beat up one or two i’m sure)

seriously she’s the best

[abbeyfangirl]

dragon age: all characters (companions)

I’ve been in this fandom for a hot minute now and I want to update my opinions on characters :)

Origins

Alistair: super sweet dude who literally is not the stereotypicalchantryguyfightme. He’s a great example of healthy masculinity and I totally wish he was bi because I have an entire essay on that— also: he’s a poc! His mum was brown. In game he’s got dark features. if you really want a blond/blue-eyes/white guy, make your warden that. or accept that brown people can be noble and moral. or just draw cailan, idk. just because BioWare whitewashes doesn’t mean you should.

Leliana: someone hug my singing girlfriend before I crush her under with my own hugs. Also: nugs. Yes! Shoes. Yes! She likes how I style my hair? YES!! I honestly think she’s super duper and it pisses me off whenever someone’s like: yeah she enjoys killing people and the Game. ok. and michel de chevin willingly participated in genocidal marches through the alienage he grew up in with his elvhen mum. 

Morrigan: dirty swamp witch that i stan and also have a v big crush on. tiddies. Have a son with a GW so we can raise him with our tiddies out in the forest. she’s also white-passing, as her father was chasind and all people we’ve seen that are chasind are black. therefore, she is biracial. therefore, poc can be goths and don’t shy away from giving morrigan a darker skintone. if the devs had of been thinking, she’d have a darker skintone.

Zevran: Actually is the best romance, I think. Loves consent, therefore I will stan him so hard my skull cracks a little. Also: he is a very brown boy and if he’s white in da4 I’m seriously going to throw all canon out the fucking window. genuinely a good person who needs to be told so. 

Wynne: grandma who only likes my friends who go to church. but also super sweet and I’d rest my head on her bosom (in a platonic way omg ZEVRAN)

Sten: angry quiet boi. the bestest boi. I totally would give him a kitten for a gift and bake him cookies. Thicc softie. I think if I had DA:O and i knew how to use mods i would mod the fuck outta him. sorry.

Sha(y)le: who’s gender? idk her. See also: fuck birds and authority. pound ur ass into the ground you feathery meatbag little shits. fuck songbirds.

Dog: such a good boi. thicc. thinks Alistair is a whiny fuck and is Morrigan’s only friend. love him. he’s the cutest companion. bet.

Ohgren: honestly forgot about him bcc he’s such a shitbag. also: he could’ve been a really cool addiction recovery type but NOPE. probably would have a trump shirt in a modern au and would catcall wlw and hit mlm. no thanks.

Awakening

Anders: he acts like rlly straight but he’s so gay I can smell it. also he’s rlly cute and fun and I love him so much.

Justice: MAYBE i’M selF CONSCious OF THE twitchING. is the friend that genuinely doesn’t get dick jokes but is ur 110% ride or die.

Nathaniel Howe: honestly is sort of a white knight/neck beard a little, but it’s kind of charming with his whole velanna m’lady?? grump boi. annoying soul patch that I’d mod out SO FAST—

Sigrun: would have ROMANCED the FUCK out of her. why she even entertains the idea of fucking with ohgren makes me realize most of the writers are dumbfucks.png. peppy little emo. 12/10 would die if she kissed my cheek teasingly.

Ohgren: why. why. why. I’d have brought Shayle over. Maybe Zev? Definitely Dog.

Velanna: she was written to be an annoying feminist and you can tell but I deadass am a kindred spirit with her bcc I too am deadpan annoyed with Thedas’ general population too. love her. Would’ve loved to romance her. She’d totally be one of those who’d get all tsundere and be like “n-no i hate you” *kisses the fuckin soul out of you then blushes so hard she’s now a tomato*

Dragon Age II

Anders: fuck the cops. i don’t care. fuck the cops. (vine reference). also: do i hate him for blowing up the chantry that would eventually annul a huge collection of his people? no. read dalishious’s meta on Anders. v intriguing. didn’t they retcon the fuck out of the reported deaths too? like there was like eight Templars and Elthinia in there. Templars killed more “abominations” in a day than Anders in the game canon—

Aveline: initially thought she was fine and then realized she’s shit to my lil brother and I will fucking clap her ginger ass. See also: whorephobia isn’t a joke so fuck off with treating Isabela badly, you tit.

Bethany: sunshine. Literal sunshine. I feel my freckles grow in her presence and i love it. she’s my little baby sister and I’d slam that ogre so fuckin hard before it touched either twin.

Carver: there has to be a mod where both twins survive. I love them both to bits. My babies. carver is my bitter, angry little brother and I can relate because I too am very angry and would totally clap my own ass. hes so genuine and I don’t get the competition between Beth and Carver. Like, both are fuckin stellar in different ways. In this essay I will—

Fenris: honestly, I don’t get the general hate between him and Anders. Fenris’ main arc should’ve been a recovery arc, not drunken moping and revenge. he deserves better. give him a soft sweater instead of his spikes and let him love himself as much as I love him for MAKERS SAKE. like when you really think about their relationship, it could’ve been an eye-opener for fenris and finally some legit sympathy for anders. but we all know that if they had of teamed up that Meredith would’ve been dead before the end of Act 1 so.

Isabela: whorephobia is not a joke. oversexualizing your only appearing brown woman is so poorly written. how about we appreciate her and her lovely bosoms but also let people tease her about her heart of gold? her innate understanding of freedom? instead of just a wave of dick? please?? can we give her some pants for when she fights? can we accept that i fall for rogues who hate themselves?? fuck. also whomever draws her x femHawke x Merrill literally is after my own heart.

Merrill: my fucking babygirl MARRY ME. Fenris could’ve been her older brother type, but NO. she and Isabela should’ve been canonical gfs instead of Isabela/Fenris (no shaming the pairing tho!!). I love how she’s written as neurodivergent. V nice. Sometimes I just look her up and cry because she’s fucking everything. Also: she’s in the Dalish origin and she’s far from being white. Why did they make the most innocent/naïve character really white? hmmmm.

Sebastian: whew that boy. Would totally be that annoying Mormon at your door but you still let him in bcc he’s super sweet. Also: huge ass bible thumper and should get his head slap because you said the maker loved all his children why do you defend a complicit old hag you annoying attractive fuck—

Varric: totally is a bard and the devs couldn’t handle the idea of him being one bcc it might make him look less straight. is the only grey morality person I don’t want to fucking bash in with a fry pan. he sees people and I like that, but you totally know he’s siding with mages every time bcc him and Anders are like besties. I’m sorry. I don’t make the rules. “Professional Younger Brother”.

Tallis: I know nothing about her but she seems okay. I think she was an escaped slave and honestly? Fucking props. Spy on a shitting organization, idk what you’re doing, but your VA was that cool lesbian from SPN so I think ur okay?

Inquisition

Blackwall: Redemption Arc 101. Love him to bits. Sad dad bunwall. good man. actually atoned for his sins by actively becoming a good person. his initial design is 80% hotter im so sorry but so not.

Cassandra: was way browner in the last game. would romance the fuck outta her. I love me a butch lady who melts at my dorky recitation of poetry. BioWare is a coward. also is the worst choice for divine. but not a bad person. could use some more guidance or get her ass whipped by a dalish elf about religion or a circle mage kid whos like “yeah bud i didn’t ask for the templars to whip my ass everyday for existing.”

The Iron Bull: I think the Qunari/Vashoth were a little based off black people (the whole anti blackness thing where ppl are scared of them bcc of whatever reason) and it pisses me off that he had a weird ass dubcon thing with Dorian in banter. It doesn’t make sense— he’s an A+++ dom and would not jump straight in role play without at least checking in at first like wtf BioWare.

Cole: his mother was chasind so he’s like not supposed to be that white? or like biracial? albino? idk. love him to bits tho. He’s neurodivergent and I deadass love him. romancing him? idk. I see why ppl think it’s fuckin nasty but also like as a writer I’d age him the fuck up so fast before my inquisitor even THOUGHT about that. like idk. I’m down with him being a sweet little bro character tho. he’s a babe. love him.

Sera: had the worst fucking writer I’ve ever seen and I willingly read the twilight saga twice by a shit ass racist white lady who okay’d pedophilia. like. Fuck you Kristjanson suck your own dick you fuck. had the worst options in regards to speak to her. has a thicc case of internalized racism that literally most of the fandom just loves to use against her. my lesbian neurodivergent queen. Would write a thousand fix it fics for her. Love her to bits. im gay.

Varric: I haven’t played DA2 so i don’t get why everyone wants to romance him but like. a dwarf romance? yes please. Idk he reminds me of my uncle so I only see him as fun uncle material. Deadass should adopt Cole and Merrill and co parent with Blackwall for Sera. dads? fuck yeah. love me some wholesome, present fathers.

Dorian: is a gay stereotype that I love/hate so much. and he’s also just as bad about being a creep bcc he sexualizes qunari men (in banter). I attribute that to shit writing tho. I want to protect him from all the “omg gay best friend!” people. he’d clearly be that tired gay that wouldn’t give a diddly damn about ur het romance. wanna talk about politics? he’s ur guy/gay.

Solas: “me, an intellectual:”. I don’t hate him, but I’m not about him. He comes off as mysterious and suave (which he totally is) but I deadass would not save him from himself because he’s a racist, exclusionist eggshell. idk. not my cup of tea, but I can totally see the appeal. And he’s interesting, I’ll totally say that. “I think the Dalish are garbage but they made you” is not a compliment. it’s so offensive. and such bait for “quirky girls” which I’m no fan of. Would be Achilles and let Patroclus (Lavellan in his case) die before he realized how his pride is literally a waste of time. If he gets a redemption arc I hope Lavellan gets to slap him before getting him to teach all about ancient Arlathan and show that the Evanuris weren’t all total dicknozzles. (Aka I really have a hard time believing that they’d be slavery cult things. especially since they’ve compared elves to indigenous ppl, Jews and the Romani.)

Vivienne: it’s so racist that they’d make a black woman be pro-slavery. That’s such internalized racism. She could’ve been the cool ass “educate yourself first before you speak, fool” ice lady, but NO. the devs could’ve kept the “Templars are a tool that I proudly can mandate” and the “circles are very good education” and we. Could. Have. Romanced. Her. Like. Fuck. Sake. I just wanna give her a hug and say “love yourself omg!!” and not even in a romantic way. Also: she and morrigan should not have been so antagonistic towards each other. I’d expect them to have great respect for each other, as they both moved up in the world through hardwork and very little help. They could learn different magic from each other too and still maintain that rival respect “oh you” mood. Sidenote: probably the cooler option for Divine. if her approval is high enough she’ll love and be loyal to you forever and i can’t see her agenda being bad. she improves the circles exponentially and tells all the antis to suck her pretty painted toes.

Josephine: an actual disney princess. romanced her my first playthrough. I love her so much. she just makes me so happy. And she’s like: “Integrity, Loyalty, peace. That is what it means to be a GREY WARDEN good fucking person.” she’s the person who would let you hold her hand if you got anxious and she’d be that person who shouldered the whole group project with finesse and poise and would probably lie for everyone as to not be mean. i love josie. her and leliana’s relationship is so cute, too. whether it’s romantic or not: women supporting women.

Leliana: if you leave her hardened you must hate her. why. she becomes so against herself. i like how shes feminine and lighthearted because that’s so powerful-- to remain hopeful when the world is hopeless. (its hard to know when to soften her/harden her so i get it but. google it. she deserves to be happy and sweet again.)

Cullen: uwu war criminal with shit ass “redemption arc” that was actually a half-assed (at BEST) recovery arc. Recovery isn’t linear, it isn’t pretty, and even the broken need to be told they are wrong in order to heal right. Like I’m offended by that bullshit. I’ve had to do some mental health recovery in the past and unlearning lots of toxic ideologies— which I’m still unlearning— and it bothers me that he gets an easy pass because he’s hot. It’s one thing if you like Cullen, it’s another thing if you hold him accountable.

[drinkyourfuckingmilk]

what are your thots on all the dragon age origins companions 💖💖💘💘💖

edit: it came to my attention way late in the game that you asked about origins, not inquisition but please enjoy my dumbassery regardless

cassandra: amazing mash up of a badass warrior woman (WHO NOT EVEN A DRAGON CAN DENT) who is also wholesome and soft and utterly ashamed of her love of wanting to be a delicate graceful lovable princess. she has strong principles which I love but she is also willing to change her views based on new information regardless of whether she is comfortable with it or not which I love. pragmatic as shit which is a trait I always wished I had so I adore her. 

varric: ultimate bro who is as loyal and chill and reasonable as his chest hair is vast. great conversationalist. doesn’t fear what he doesn’t understand, instead seeks to understand it better with the endearing attitude of, “well, SHIT”. 

solas: deeply tragic, multi-faceted, soothing, compassionate, very interesting (like lets be real: you could ask solas about something inconsequentional like fuckin toenails and he’d have something interesting to say about it) and mostly wise motherfucker whose hypocrisy and nearsightedness is only acceptable because its driven by guilt and a misguided sense of responsibility for the defenseless borne out of compassion and the principle of all beings having the inherent right to exist freely. if we all put ourselves in this bitch’s shoes we’d feel the same struggle he does. 

vivienne: she is the terrifyingly unshakable, cold, old-fashioned, detached but ultimately fiercely loving upper-middle class somewhat materialistic mother who I’ve always had and always loved and admired. she also has the best fucking mage outfit I’ve ever seen. 

sera: infuriating to talk to sometimes due to internalized self-hatred and a penchant for fucking childish nonsense but ultimately she is hilarious, contagiously fun, and is always endearing for looking out for the underdogs and for never taking herself too seriously. I used to hate sera but now I fuckin love her. 

blackwall: sweet, reasonable, hilarious barn-dwelling beard-man who made mistakes and perhaps, given his actions, did not deserve redemption but ultimately proved his worth but taking the gift of forgiveness not just as an absolution for past mistakes but used it as an absolute force of compassion and spread it around with the sincere desire to do some good to those who, for whatever reason, had a bad start but who have the capability for bringing so much good to the world. love blackwall. he’s deeply relatable and a good example of what greatness can be done with forgiveness and compassion. 

cole: fascinating, invaluable, sweet baby boy. though I love him more for how insightful he is into people’s behaviour and the important questions compassion raises and how it can be used rather than just for how sweet he is. also love how plays the long con just to get people to feel good about themselves. 

iron bull: chill as fuck, hilariously opposed to anything out of the muscled, protein-gained, fist-fighting norm. love his whole shtick of loving and valuing others for their individuality given he’s legit been brainwashed by his people’s culture into thinking that deviation from the collective norm is wrong. ultimate shredded dad. 

dorian: love, love, love, love him. self-assuredness and exaggerated pomposity to combat self-doubt and shame and a mild drinking problem (can relate), all the while carrying such a difficult contradiction on his shoulders like a rock star. clearly loving and deeply loyal to his friends and profoundly intelligent and insightful in his field. the best thing about dorian is his potential for bringing about change via compassion. like I love dorian because he never takes anything seriously which is reassuring in a crisis, but ultimately he is never light-hearted about the important things. he’s serious and caring on the things that matter and to hell with the rest. 

[greensconnor]

i’m asking about your dragon age characters

molly i would KILL for u im ur personal hitman now

anyway i said my city now because the entire bioware writing team sucks shit xoxo and i’m so much smarter than all of them but also fully incapable of having a normal amount of ocs for anything (see: the time i made 20 rwby ocs in less than two weeks) so i have. five worldstates here r some assorted thoughts

uhhh so the worldstates r as follows

eira mahariel (two-handed berserk/champ spec), rhett hawke (two-handed berserk spec), alas lavellan (mage knight enchanter spec), romanced alistair/fenris/dorian respectively

shiv tabris (dual wield duelist/assassin spec), radella “rads” hawke (mage spirit healer spec), kat adaar (two-handed reaver spec), romanced morrigan/isabela/cassandra respectively because im a pc gamer and i think i should be able to date whatever video game woman i like because im infinitely better than cishet men

this world state said yeah i respect mens rights. mens rights to shut the fuck up

twins bronson (sword/shield reaver spec) & bryant cousland (archer ranger spec), carmine hawke (archer assassin spec), syracuse trevelyan (dual wield tempest spec), romanced zevran/anora/josephine/bull. if ur wondering how that works my city now and the warden, hawke and the inquisitor should all meet and so they do because i Said So

riva amell (mage arcane warrior/battlemage spec), graham “gray” hawke (mage force spec), hellathen “hela” lavellan (archer assassin spec); romanced cullen/anders and later blackwall because hawke only likes men who will break his heart. hela doesn’t have a romance because she’s literally 20. who let her lead the inquisition (me it was me). also it should be noted the version of cullen i have in my head only vaguely resembles actual cullen because i write better than dragon age writers ever could and i gave him an Actual Cohesive Narrative and he gets bullied relentlessly for being scrawnier than his mage boyfriend

malien “mal” surana (mage spirit healer/keeper spec), jules hawke (sword/shield reaver spec), ash adaar (mage rift spec), romanced leliana/merrill/krem because i should have been able to kiss krem and its a Crime that i am not allowed to

knight enchanter is a Very op specialization and by Very op i mean it makes a mage with their built-in low constitution stats able to solo the biggest baddest dragon in the game on nightmare mode in under five minutes so like. alas lavellan fist fights dragons for fun send tweet

i think lavellans should be able to hit ppl with bricks for all the shit they endure. thus solas gets pranked by mahariel and alas by which i mean they just tip buckets of water onto him from the rookery

kat might be my only competent inquisitor but she did also try to knock out the right hand of the divine and attempt to gap even tho there’s fucky magic burning up her hand so does she have a brain cell? you decide

also its fantasy land and i do what i want so kat has blue/gold sectoral heterochromia

gray “mage rights” hawke is best friends with fenris which surprises literally everyone. their friendship started because they got into a fist fight and then they were like okay i respect u now. hawke is like hey fenris give me ur sword i have a fun trick to show u [uses his sword as a foci to zap carver in the ass with lightning]

i am Always thinking abt like how cullen could have been one man anti-chantry propaganda machine if he hadn’t so blatantly been shoehorned into every game past origins so anyway bioware forgot about a wholeass moon i can write what i like. [holds up cullen by the scruff of his stupid armor] not only are you bisexual you are also a bottom

i also Hate the whole uwu mage haters get fixed by romancing a mage

unlocked secret dialogue option where my inquisitors verbally cuss out dorian’s dad instead of whatever sympathetic narrative the writers were going for cuz its bullshit.

riva is a showoff and a Menace about being as good as he is because he unabashedly loves being a mage and hes like oooh look at me im sexy i dont need to use my hands to cast magic because i’m just that good ;)) and you know what. hes right.

gray, on the other hand, does Not want to be mage. he wants to be a druffalo farmer and retire in the hinterlands and be left the fuck alone. unfortunately he is gay and has one brain cell and terrible, terrible taste in men. ribbed relentlessly for this by riva (altho does he have room to talk hes been hung up on cullen since he was like 13)

shiv is trans n kieran is the result of doing the dark ritual with her wife and he looks a Lot like shiv (dark skin pointed ears, shock-white hair) and morrigan always just Assumed she dyed it or did something magic with it so seeing their kid come out like that was a WEIRD time for her

leliana almost Murdered by cassandra in worldstate 5 because the warden is Actually There The Whole Time, but its been 10 years, mal’s cut off all her hair and gotten full facial tattoos and she’s like “no one will know its me its fine” and she’s right. she gets away with it. only cullen like, Knows, because he knew her before the blight but he doesnt have a death wish n he like. will Not piss her off

shes dalish by birth n she was stolen from her clan by templars and thus is vehemently anti-circle and anti-chantry in general

uhhh the vallaslin (elf face tattoos) of my 4 dalish characters are:

eira = ghilan’nain (chose em cuz shes rlly interested in the navigation aspect of the goddess)

alas = falon’din (god of the dead n he picked them because he’s Also the god of fortune and alas is like tee hee fun but also he can and will kill u if u fuck with him so yk its fitting)

hela = june (god of the craft bc she likes to Make things but june is also the god who taught the elves 2 hunt and hela is. a hunter.)

mal = elgar’nan (allfather/god of vengeance bc. she is Vengeful. she is Angry. but yk fucking with shem politics and fucking their divine is like. mal may have little a retribution. as a treat.) yes she has the full half-face solid colour tattoo she does NOT fuck around.

bronson and bryant r not genetically identical but they Look similar enough 2 anyone who doesn’t know them well enough 2 play spot the distance. anora and bronson think this is a super fun game to play, especially when nobles realize they’ve swapped out the king but they’re too nervous to say anything

eira mahariel has two hands. one is for holding hands with alistair and the other is for throttling elven gods, apparently. she’s killed one before so solas she’s coming for your bitch ass next. watch urself.

speaking of eira and alistair are married thru dalish tradition and humans don’t recognize it n alistair loves 2 re-propose to her with random things. he’ll just pick up like. a bit of cheese and be like “marry me ;)” and she’s like GASP but whatever will the chantry say!!!! all of their friends r sick of them

“vhenan if you love me bring me a sword” “you think i could do better than a sword made out of space rock?” “:)”

eira is my youngest hero at 18 at the start of her game and kat is my oldest at 32 at the start of her game.

none of my hawkes are under six foot. rhett is the tallest (6′8″) and rads is the shortest (6′2″).

syracuse trevelyan would have been the Perfect inquisitor if he were not a pretty boy himbo and a gay bastard who does Most Things just to spite his parents.

[corypheus pointing at syracuse’s visage in his crystal orb thingo] i want that twink obliterated

i love the companions from older games return thing i truly do so i make it a point for Every companion to return in inquisition so the gang rlly is all here because i am a Slutte for found family

i lie in my keep worldstates because i dont want to choose between hawke and alistair during here lies the abyss but i never make him king and every time i play inquisition and cole has the wicked grace line it makes me Scream. alistair baby im so sorry i did this to you but i didnt actually do this to you

yes this is my everyone lives au but like. all the time. i have never left hawke in the fade and i do not intend to.

fuck whatever nonsense about wardens not being able 2 have kids. by sheer divine power (me) anora and bryant have three daughters; eleanor, sabina & cecelia n both bronson and zevran make Excellent uncles because i think anora deserves good things because i’m tired of bioware being like women bad, actually,

so like most of the time i have the warden & hawke turning up after the move to skyhold n then staying on, with the exception of bryant, carmine & mal. mal is as mentioned previously just There the whole time with her girlfriend. bryant steps in as king of ferelden w/ interests in closing the big hole in the sky spewing demons in2 his kingdom yk. carmine shows up because she wants to help & she wants protection for bethany but she outright says she’d rather die than be inquisitor so cassandra is shit out of luck.

“CHANGE HER MIND VARRIC” “she once doubled down on insisting amaranth was a shade of blue because she didn’t want to admit to being wrong. no one’s changing her mind seeker”

alas is the middle child of eight and is thus very good with children and also bossing around people older than him. 2 of his older siblings come to the inquisition when stuff in wycome has been settled

i left ash with the basic canon background with Some variation (he grew up under the qun and left of his own free will when his magic was discovered n he realized he couldn’t take living as a saarebas

kat on the other hand was raised tal-vashoth and has bounced around basically all over thedas and leads her own merc company when the conclave blows up. she also speaks multiple languages. is there a language she doesn’t speak? probably not

just realized how long this got so im gonna like. stop my general rambling now but lmao yeah theres some basics. waves hands.

[awesomenightfall]

all this and heaven, too

For @lucyrne​! Modern!AU Varric/Bethany nonsense (featuring garbage!Purple!Hawke, ofc.) Mild language and mild (not explicit) sexual content. yes I also snuck in my guilty pleasure ship, Hawke --> Cassandra. Unbeta’d trash. Sorry.

---

Varric was two clicks away from confirming his Edible Arrangements order before sanity returned.

Sorry I had sex with your little sister, enjoy this fruit basket was probably not the best way to broach the subject of his night with Bethany.

Like most things in Varric’s life, he hadn’t planned for it to happen. Bethany Hawke, infinitely good, patient, and wonderful, having a sliver of interest in someone like him was too fantastical for even his overactive imagination. Sure, there had been months of blatant flirting, but Varric figured it was Bethany just being a nice girl. He never could have dreamed that what started as a friendly dinner and drinks would turn into “Oh shit, it’s 4:00 am and Bethany lost her bra under the bed.”

He never could have dreamed that that the venn diagram of Varric’s Pathetic Fantasies and Varric’s Harsh Reality would actually overlap for once in his life.

And of course, it had to happen with his best friend’s little sister.

Worse, it wasn’t even the usual “I’m so sad and lonely and hate myself” sex Varric indulged in. It ventured into “Oh no, I care about you and respect you” territory and that was terrifying in and of itself without the added complication of it being with a Hawke.

Varric knew there was always the option of never telling his best friend about his transgression, but he had had lived the secret relationship life before, and romance novels made it seem so much more glamorous than reality. No one liked to be kept a secret and both Bethany and Hawke (and himself, damn it) deserved better than that.

So here he was, prepared to send his lifelong friend an Edible Arrangement (because nothing said, “sorry I probably betrayed your trust and banged -- lovingly and respectfully, mind you -- your sister” like chocolate covered fruit) just to avoid the face-to-face confrontation.

Shutting his laptop, Varric looked up to his ceiling for answers and sighed when none were given. If he wanted to see where this thing with Bethany went, they’d eventually have to come clean to Hawke.

His phone dinged and, of course, it was the man he was hoping to avoid for the next fifty years or so.

[I'm a hoe, rich bitch and I work like I'm broke still]: the eagle flies at midnight!! caw caw!!

[Varric]: Hawke? When did you change your name in my phone?

[Varric]: Also, what the hell are you talking about? It’s 9:00 pm.

[I'm a hoe, rich bitch and I work like I'm broke still]: meet me @ the gym tomorrow at 7 sharp. officer mchottie lifts bright and early and im gonna be there to meet her. need my wingdwarf to hype me up

Varric was mid “go fuck yourself” text because he did not do mornings and he doubly did not do the gym when a pang of guilt hit him.

Shit.

[Varric]: Fine, but I’m only telling one Champion of Kirkwall story and then I’m out of there. I hate how gyms smell of sweat, self loathing, and despair.

[I'm a hoe, rich bitch and I work like I'm broke still]: ur the best! ;)

No he wasn’t.

He was garbage that was falling in love with his best friend’s sister.

---

“So who is this mystery lady that I got out of bed for?” Varric asked, plopping down on a nearby bench. “A cop? What, going legit, Hawke?”

He and Varric had skirted the law enough times that it was hilarious to think that Hawke wanted to hook up with an officer of the law. Varric was sure this was some kind of weird fantasy fulfillment or maybe Hawke had just run out of women in Kirkwall to have sex with. Either way, he had an ulterior motive: he was helping his friend, so perhaps Hawke would be more open to the possibility of Varric maybe, just maybe, dating his sister.

Hawke craned his neck, tilting his head towards the far side of the room. “10:00 o’clock. Don’t be so obvious. Wait a few seconds before looking.”

“Discretion is my middle name. So, about Bethany --”

“What about her?” Hawke started stretching just for show.

Varric’s throat dried up. The rational part of his mind knew Hawke would probably be fine with it. But the irrational part of his mind, the one that sounded suspiciously like the father of his ex, was screaming that he was worthless and what did have to bring to the table of any relationship?

He was a moderately successful author, he reminded himself. A businessman. A pretty damn good friend. Hawke’s damn good friend. Hawke’s damn good friend who helped get him laid by talking about how awesome Hawke was all the time.

But still...

“We--” Varric narrowed his eyes once he hit the 10:00 position. There stood a very familiar woman, tall, with cropped hair and cheekbones that could cut a man. “Wait. Isn’t that the cop who arrested me a few months back?”

Hawke’s eyes widened innocently. Too innocently. “What? Whatever do you mean?”

Varric scowled. “You can’t be serious.”

“Oh my dear, Varric,” Hawke chuckled. “I’m always serious.”

A headache starting from the base of his neck starting creeping up. It was a welcome distraction from his internal “This Is Why I Suck” monologue. “Hawke. She arrested me!”

“Well, maybe you deserved it.”

“She arrested and questioned me trying to get to you!” Varric hissed. It was taking all of his impeccable self control not to drop the Fine, you want to hook up with the cop that cuffed me? Good, because I made your sister scream my name last night. In your apartment bomb. “Where’s your loyalty?”

Says the dwarf sleeping with his friend’s precious little sister.

Hawke gestured towards the woman in question with a flourish. “Who needs loyalty when you could have those biceps? And did you see her abs? I know for a fact that she’s a huge fan of yours. You’re my in.”

Varric scrubbed his hand with his face. He’d rather listen to Anders’ manifesto -- the unabridged version -- than do this, but his conscience was eating at him.

“You owe me. You owe me so much and I’m going to collect, you bastard.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

---

Varric’s pocket vibrated, no doubt a message from Hawke scheming another plan to try to get a date with Officer Pentaghast, who did not take their earlier bait. In fact, she had looked them both over and only uttered a disgusted little, “Ugh” at the interruption to her workout. Varric imagined that the chase made her all the more appealing to Hawke; he was a true masochist.

Maybe that’s why they were such good friends. They did so love to suffer for their bad decisions.

“Is everything alright?” Bethany asked, pausing the television. It was Thursday, which meant they were indulging in their weekly bad reality show watching ritual, but Varric could barely concentrate on the shitty lives of the people on TV because he was so entrenched in his own bullshit. “You’re a million miles away.”

“Yes,” he said immediately but then thought better of himself. Bethany deserved better. “Shit, no. Sorry, Sunshine.”

Bethany gave him a sympathetic look and took his hand. “You’re not internally monologuing again, are you?”

“She said wisely, knowing full well that was exactly what he was doing.” Varric chuckled. “Just thinking about Hawke.”

“Ugh,” she said, not able to disguise the fondness in her voice. “Must you? He gets your attention every other hour of the day. Concentrate on the Hawke in front of you, if you please.”

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek. Varric had done it a thousand times in the years he had known her, but it felt new, exciting. Great, now he was feeling mushy and gross. As if things weren’t bad enough already. “Sorry. I’m just a little worried what he’ll think.”

Bethany clicked off the television and faced him fully. She frowned a little. “Why? We’re not doing anything wrong.”

He put his hands up. “I know that. You know that. Will he know that?”

“Who cares? You’re talking about a man who has slept with literally all of my friends. And all of your friends. Just desserts, if you ask me.”

Varric snorted. “Going through your rebellious stage, Sunshine?”

She tossed the remote off the couch and climbed into his lap. “Shall we find out?”

Oh, he was in.

---

Three shots of whiskey and Varric was ready.

He was a grown ass dwarf and he was going to bite the bullet and face judgment.

… okay, maybe after one more shot of liquid courage.

“I’m going to just say it,” Varric gasped at the after burn, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I’m dating your sister. I care about her. She puts up with me, weirdly enough. And she deserves better than us sneaking around. So… there it is.”

Varric steeled himself for the outcome. He didn’t want to lose Hawke -- either Hawke -- but he wasn’t going to damn this relationship to failure without a fight. He just hoped his best friend didn’t deck him too hard.

Hawke put his beer down. “I know.”

“You-- what?”

“Do you think I’m an idiot? Don’t answer that,” Hawke amended quickly. “But come on, I’m not blind.”

Varric’s shoulder sagged in relief. And then, he was annoyed.

What the fuck? He had been stressed for weeks for nothing?

Maker, he hated this man.

“So you knew the entire time,” Varric said flatly.

“Duh,” said Hawke. “You’re my best mate. She’s my sister. It was so obvious. I think it’s great. I’m happy for you.”

Maker, he loved this man.

Hawke jabbed his beer bottle in Varric’s direction threateningly. “But I better not hear one word about a certain married ex coming into the picture if you’re seriously with my sister. If you hurt her, I hurt you. Clear?”

“Crystal. I know my word doesn’t mean much, but I’ll do this right, Hawke.”

“Great,” Hawke said cheerfully. “Now that that’s all resolved, let’s talk about me and Cassandra --”

“You’re on a first name basis?!”

“ -- picture this. I’m thinking.. Flowers. A shit ton of them. Maybe confetti. Women like confetti, right?”

Varric took another shot with a smirk, feeling better than he had in weeks.

“Sure, Hawke. She’ll like confetti. And extremely loud and ostentatious confessions of love, maybe with doves...”

[veridium]

heartbreak warfare

WELCOME TO MORE QUEER PAIN 

Hope ya’ll are ready for some shit. Because I brought the shit. Heaping dose, because I have had a wonderful day and feel all mushy. Enjoy!

part one // last episode

-- The man was a no-good blond bastard with too much wool in his wardrobe and clumsy taste in flowers. White carnations represent pure love, and he had the audacity to come around with a fist of them. He should have crawled up the stairs on his knees if he wanted to present pure love. Yelling at him made Olivia feel close to the goddess Medusa in levels of vindicated fury, though she was inconvenienced by the lack of hair snakes.

Despite her almighty and supernatural ire, Ellinor granting him entry is something she disagrees with but ultimately respects: her best friend is tired, and deserves to feel loved, and maybe the one silver lining is that there isn’t much else Cullen Rutherfudger can mess up more. Maybe if they get it together she won’t have to peel her up off the floor next weekend. Damn, had their standards for a good Saturday crashed down below sea level.

But, she will be keeping a close eye on him. A very close, and scathing, eye. To be fair, the man shows up and tows the line when he has fucked up; which is more than she can say for who she once thought of as a potential suitor as Sunday passes with no word. Potential suitor. Ugh, that kind of working only happens when you’ve paid attention to someone who’s a rhetorical romantic. Too much attention.

Monday comes, and is mundane. She keeps a low profile, and attends classes with little fuss; her Professor asks how she is doing because of her silence in class discussion, and she gives an excuse about getting over a head cold. Yeah, right. Besides lecture and a short shift at the gym, she goes back home to continue being reclusive. She does not cross paths with Ellinor much, though she fields the almost hourly texts asking her how she is, where she is, and if she needs anything. Ellinor is doing that innocent thing all friends do when they find themselves luckier in personal exploits than their loved ones: sympathy that is all-too-easily swallowed as pity when you’ve been kicked down one-too-many times.

Tuesday also comes and goes. Classes and a midterm exam, one she completes with confidence; cold war history is interesting enough. It helped that she had someone, for a brief time, to rant about it and dissect things. During the free response portion she uses a word Cassandra did during one of their debates: “pejorative.” How the hell she knew that word was whatever.

Then, Wednesday. Even though it’s only been a few days, when she wakes up to Ellinor’s voice it feels like it’s been a century since the last time she’s heard it.

“Liv, release the hostage oreos.” Oh, great. Long time no see, and she’s come into her room just to attack her for her life choices.

Olivia growls and hides away, bastard red velvet oreos in her clutches. “Bite me.”

“Liv. Come on,” Ellinor’s standing by her bed, hands on her hips like a fed up soccer mom trying to get her kid up for school. “You haven’t been responding to my texts and you don’t answer the door. I worried you ate yourself into a coma. I keep hearing the Scientist on repeat through your door. I think I can play the piano part off of just memory alone.”

“Good, maybe Cullen would enjoy another concert.”

“Olivia!”

She gives in and rolls over, tossing the oreos to her without looking. “Fine! Have at ‘em.” Ellinor misses and they fall onto the floor with a sharp, plastic crack. The worst part though is the thought that comes immediately after they crash: Cassandra would have caught it.

She groans again and tosses her comforter over her head. “What time is it? My alarm hasn’t gone off.”

“I caught it as it went off, bitch,” Ellinor grumbles. The sound of her picking up the oreos and tossing them to the table. She cares. I shouldn’t be so mean. She cares.

“Oh. Hm.”

“Seriously, are you alright? You haven’t dropped off the radar with me since that time you shaved half your eyebrows off at the Homecoming after party, remember?”

Oh, Jesus. How could she forget. “Mm. I’m fine. I’ve just been swamped with homework.”

“You? Olivia Sinclair, swamped by homework?” Ellinor’s voice veers farther away, towards the door. “Shit, the rapture must be upon us.”

“Give me a break, please. What are you doing up so early anyway? You don’t have class until…” that was a silly question. There could only be one reason she would be up and about like this. A week ago, it would have been the promise of coffee by Olivia. Now, it’s the promise of someone else’s coffee. Blond roast. Bleh.

“...Uh,” Ellinor chuckles nervously, “Nothing. I’m just hanging out. If you’d rather be left alone, I can go back to--”

“Don’t lay an egg, Ellinor.” Olivia gripes, stretching her toes. “You can say you’re up for him. I’m not a widow. Have fun, whatever it is you heteros do at the crack of dawn besides milking cows and...I don’t know, watching TLC or something.”

Silence. Ellinor sighs, and opens the door. “Okay, Olivia.” Dammit, she feels bad. Ellinor shouldn’t be feeling bad. She deserves to be happy, and she deserves a best friend who would support her being happy. Olivia flips over to lay face down and continue loathing herself. Every bone in her body wants to snarl and hide from everything good and cheery. Soon, Cassandra won’t be the only one steering clear of her, if she keeps this up.

Just outside her shut door, she hears a deeper voice. A deeper, calmer voice. Then Ellinor’s more opinionated tone. She says something bossy -- sounding like ‘I’m gonna kill your roommate for this, I hope you know.’ A sigh immediately responds. Typical. Cullen better have prepared himself to be with a woman who didn’t pull any punches, who could fight her own fights...and sometimes, fights that belong to her friends who have grown too tired of it all.

All she can do is wonder what it’ll take to feel okay again. It is one thing to say you’re hard to love, and make people miserable. It’s another to have someone confirm it so unapologetically.

--

Wednesday is as repetitive in the first half as Monday was: the same lectures, and then eventually a couple hours in the TA office waiting for nothing and no one to show up for assistance while she grades Blackboard responses to the week’s study question.

She’s in the thick of it when an email notification pops up on her laptop. Her women’s history 305 Professor, saying they’re switching texts for next week’s discussions. They’re going to study Heloise, a 11th century French nun and scholar. Great, fantastic, except none of their texts are about her. The Professor kindly asks they search for the suggested reading online or in the library. Olivia would be completely okay with digging up the text online if her laptop hadn’t just been salvaged from a virus stemming for the last time she did so.

Besides, the library was a reliable source. Why not do something she’s good at, and dig?

With a half hour left in her office hours she takes the liberty to stroll down to the main campus library. The book in particular is old so it should be in the stocks. When she goes to a computer and checks the catalog, she finds one copy is still available; her class’s rush to obtain it free hasn’t nosed her out completely just yet.

The Dewey decimal number takes her to a shelf on the fourth floor, but after 20 minutes of searching she uncovers nothing. No book, no Heloise. Defeated, she stands alone in the aisle and looks around one last time. It should be here, there’s no reason it shouldn’t. It said so in the database.

Climbing down to the main floor, she takes the issue up with the work study student manning the checkout desk.

“I’m sorry,” she says after looking it up on her own computer, “it’s been incorrectly logged. It happens.”

“What? What does that mean?”

“We have a couple satellite locations in town where our reserves are loaned long-term; sometimes their books are kept under our organized log when it’s with them.”

“So...so it is here. In town, right?”

“Oh, yeah, it should be. It’s just at one of our outsourced places.”

She asks if she can check them out still, and to her relief, the answer is yes. The kind woman writes down the address and name of the place for her, so that she can find it for herself once and for all. Handing it to her with a nice-enough smile, she sees her off.

Olivia makes it through the metal detectors before checking the piece of paper with pencil writing.

‘203 Northeast Lillian Way.’ Why is that so familiar? Shit. No, no, no, no. She rips her phone out and starts scrolling feverishly with her thumb through the old and taboo messages between her and she-who-still-shall-not-be-named. Lo and behold, it’s the worst possible outcome: the Church library. Of course, they would demand premium on books about a French Nun. How poetic.

She stands outside the library for a few minutes and deliberates her choices. With any luck, Cassandra is elsewhere -- it’s mid-afternoon, she probably has practice, or volunteer hours, or class. She tries, but she can’t remember for sure what her Tues/Thurs routine is. It’s been that long, or it’s been that hard to have her in her life. Regardless, she needs the book, and if she can get a hold of it she can make a photocopy and give it back with no harm done. It takes her a while, but she convinces herself to make a break for it: pulling out her keys from her bag and heading straight for the blue parking lot where her trusty car is awaiting.

All the same, she can’t help but curse her luck.

--

The drive to the Church would make her emotional if she had any emotions left to give. Days of alternating between crying, eating junk food, denial, and good ol’-fashioned anger have jaded her. At this point, she would dare the fates that be to make her days. The point between her pulling into the parking lot, turning her car off, and walking inside is all a surreal blur. Once she would have rather walked on a chain-link fence edge barefoot than set foot in a House of God, and now it’s twice in one month’s time.

Walking down the center aisle of the hall isn’t the same without Cassandra there to burst open a door on the other side. The stained glass isn’t as colorful, and the bread bowls aren’t as interesting. Still, thankfully, she finds herself left alone like before: no one to pretend they care about her soul, or ask if she’s been saved. The whole place feels like a ghost town, actually -- an odd thing for 4:30 in the afternoon on a weekday. But who is she to judge? The Pope?

A right, then a left, then up stairs. She logs it all in her head. There’s so much more room in the hallway with just her. Too much room. Eventually, she finds the double-doors. One cocked open, with a wooden stopper wedged underneath it. She hesitates to show herself: she’s not as modest as she was when she first came around, black high-waisted shorts with tights on under, with a black short-sleeve v-neck tucked in. Heels, because, of course -- and they clank on the wood floor.

But she does go in. Brave enough, finally, after a couple breaths: and she’s vindicated for doing so. No one’s in. No school kids hiding out, no Missionary interns studying away. No Cassandra, either, skulking or pacing with a book in her hands contemplating the secrets of the universe. Fabulous, she can pull out the paper in her pocket with the decimal system number, find the damn book, and be out like a thief in the night. The mischievous fates have been thwarted, so it seems. If she ignores the sinking feeling in her stomach and feet, being back where Cassandra first surprised, she can be on with her day.

Coming towards the standalone shelves rowed together, she studies the note she made for herself. The first shelf is way too early in the alphabet, so she comes around to the middle and peeks down the first section. Nothing and no one, and still in the C’s-E’s. She needs J.

Then, the sound of paper rubbing against itself. Like a page being turned. She freezes, takes a breath, and approaches the corner of the second aisle.

God, please, no, anyone but--but it’s her.

Her shoes are hitting the ground too hard for her presence to be a secret, and she knows well enough. She stops, and a heel grades against the wood grain. Cassandra -- dressed in black leggings and a sweatshirt, over-sized, and the most casual she’s ever seen her styled -- is sitting cross-legged on the floor. Up against the stacks, with several books piled around her. One open in her hands, kept in her lap. At the noise of Olivia’s footfalls she looks up. Not expecting her, clearly, her eyes go wide and she jerks up to her feet in the blink of an eye. Agile enough to do so without stumbling all over herself, but not confident enough to stand all tall and proud. Not like she did in the gallery.

Olivia steps back, and she can feel her face sour. She crinkles the paper in her hand, and it bends beneath a fist. She doesn’t respond, only glares with steeled hopelessness.

Cassandra closes the book in her hands. “W-what are you doing here?”

“I came for a book.” Iced, and disdainful.

Her face strains a bit, and she adjusts. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” she rolls her bottom lip and holds her ground. “That is all.” It’s crushing her slowly, the priorities: yell at her, say sorry again, cry, beg. Too many needs and too many wants. She takes a page out of Cassandra’s metaphorical book and holds it all in under a guise of self-sufficient introversion. 

“I...okay. D-do you need--”

“No. I know how to work a library.”

“...Alright.” She accepts it, and nods. Olivia sucks on her teeth. They both try to get on with whatever it is they were up to before they were aware of each other’s presence: Cassandra, sitting back down on the ground, and Olivia investigating the far end of the shelf. She tracks down the J’s, but there’s no book in sight. Again. First, twice, and thrice she checks the row where it should be. A couple minutes have passed, and she’s left standing there with no reward to her risk.

She lets out a sigh through puckered lips.

“What are you looking for?” Cassandra’s voice, clear and calm.

She keeps her eyes on the shelf, clinging to the paper. “I don’t need your help.”

“Um…” she treads lightly, very lightly, “some of the shelves are disorganized, because of the students.”

Fan-fucking-tastic. She’ll never find this damn book, she’ll never do her homework, she’ll just drop out and call it good.

“I’m…” she starts, but stops when Cassandra suddenly shows up next to her, having risen to her feet without so much as a sound. She takes hold of the paper that is in a death grip in Olivia’s hands, one which she releases against her better judgement.

She raises a brow. “Hm.”

“It’s--it’s a book with copies of letters from--”

“Heloise and Abelard. I know this anthology, I had it for...um, hm. You won’t find it here, though.”

Olivia slouches, and frustration escapes her. “What? Again?!”

“No,” Cassandra shakes her head, and then turns around, “it’s over here.” Without a word, she walks away, with the presumption that Olivia will come along. An audacious presumption; if she had not come all the way across town to track down the damn thing she would have laughed and said ‘fat chance.’ Beggars can’t be choosers.

They go to the back corner, where there are rows of tall volume books that look like dictionaries. The shelf above them is where Cassandra slants onto her toes and searches. Olivia does her best to keep her eyes preoccupied elsewhere -- anywhere else, but her -- and waits patiently. Finally she falls back, pulling a book out that’s rather small and thin. But it’s weirdly pink, like the catalog image.

“Here,” she breaths, pivoting back to her and holding it out.

Olivia stares at the outstretched book, brow pressing low as she bites back more bitterness on her mind. She takes it, gripping onto the opposite diagonal corner to Cassandra’s grip.

“T-Thanks.” She spits out, holding it to her stomach. “Do you know if I have to….to do anything special to check it out from here? Or do I just take it to the main library?”

“You just take it there…” Cassandra confirms, reaching across her own stomach and clasping onto her elbow.

“Okay.” Olivia keeps her eyes to the ground, and her responses curt. “Thanks again. I’ll be going now.”

“Olivia, I’m sorry.” The words cut through the air like a chef’s knife. Eager, and quick, like it’s the last word she’ll ever get in edgewise. Olivia has turned to the side by the time she hears it, and she stops cold. The book to her belly now feels like armor she can’t live without. She can’t bare to look at her, at whatever face she’s making. It’ll be too sincere, too heartfelt.

“I really don’t want to hear it.”

“I know you don’t, but you deserve to.”

“You thought I deserved to hear a great deal of things.”

“I...I know. And…”

“What?”

“And it was unfair of me. I shouldn’t have cornered you, when you were already feeling uncomfortable. It wasn’t right.”

Olivia sucks in her gut; the words she is saying are too poignant to face with a chin tucked in shame. She looks, only to feel punished for it: Cassandra is frowning, and not the way she does by default. It is a sad one. It makes Olivia’s heart skip, and plummet at the same time.

“Y-you know, Cassandra,” she replies, her voice brittle as her throat gets thicker with tears she thought she had long run out of, “I...I just wish I knew what your secret was.”

Cassandra blinks a few times, beautiful black eyelashes fluttering. “My secret?”

“Yeah. Your secret. The one behind how you always look so undaunted and...and un-phased,” she closes her eyes to hold back tears, and cradles the book in both hands against her. “You know, Cullen talks to Ellinor, and Ellinor talks to me. I hear about how you are minding your own business, going about your day, while I cry myself to sleep or eat my body weight in Taco Bell. Every time. It hurts, but I tell myself, ‘oh, she’s just coping in her own way, she has to be as messed up as I am about this, just as torn up, just as…” she takes a shallow breath, but it does little to assuage her. “‘She has to be just as inexplicably messed up as I am.’ But even when I worried you didn’t care, or that you were indifferent, never did I think you would walk into the room and rip my heart out the way you did.”

Cassandra had become more and more engrossed in a painful kind of way, the more she talked. It wasn’t hard to understand -- it was probably the most brutally candid Olivia had ever been in her presence. Bearing her most cringe-worthy sides of her survival, for reasons she could not articulate half as well.

“So…” she sharply sniffled, “I just want to know what the secret is. What you do, what you...you tell yourself, that makes you so magically put-together. Maybe it’s the same shit you take that convinces you that I’m the one tormenting you when I…” she closes her eyes again, but a stray, small tear runs down the outside corner of her eye. That is enough for her. “You know, whatever. I’m...I’m not gonna…” she started to walk back, verbally and physically, expecting nothing else but her own shame.

A few steps, and then, the second twist of the knife.

“Liv, please.” Once again, she asks, and once again, Olivia stops. This time, her back is to her.

“I…” Cassandra takes a moment, collecting her breath by the sounds of it. “Cullen knows me, but he doesn’t know...me. He sees me coming and going, but he doesn’t know what happens while I’m getting by. If he did, he’d tell Ellinor--or, probably you, more like--that from the moment you first spoke to me I haven’t been able to get your voice out of my head. I’ve never been good with sentimentality, much as I appreciate it. But when I’m...when I’m around you it feels like I don’t have to worry. If anything’s been a secret, it’s been that.”

The sensation of hugging her in this room is still fresh. The way her arms wrapped around her waist, the way her breath felt against her neck. The briefness of it, and wishing it could last. But nothing lasts. Head high as much as she could pretend, she swallows stiff and keeps her eyes on the door for just a beat longer. Then, she faces her again. And Cassandra, she...her red eyes, her slightly red, tired eyes. It’s horrible.

“If you were so crazy about me, then why didn’t you kiss me? I was all yours, I was--”

“Because I didn’t want it to be like that.”

“...You…”

Cassandra sighs tersely, rubbing the side of her face. Exasperated. “I didn’t want the first time I ever kissed you to be during a fight about you being slut-shamed and me invading your privacy, alright? Is that...is that so much to ask? That if I was going to...to let myself be with a woman, a woman like you, that that kind of thing would be a little more special?!”

“I would have agreed, if you would have just talked to me! About anything!” Olivia shifted, now head-on with her. “You said you knew what you wanted, Cassandra, but that’s just it. You knew. I may have had my hopes and...and you may have been right about me having more of a clue than I admitted, but a clue is not consent. It isn’t a consensus. When you rejected me, I felt like an ass! Like I had taken advantage of you in some way.”

“Something you would have known wasn’t the case if you would have just stayed and listened to me! I was trying to tell you!”

“Trying?!”

“Yes! Or have you forgotten how hard it was to say out loud to the first girl you ever liked that you had feelings for her, and you were terrified she’d walk out?!”

“I did--!” She begins to hiss back, but stops. Forgiveness was an easier visitor when it came to certain suffering. She couldn’t swing the gavel when it came to that: it was like breaking ten different rules of queer code. Ugh, dammit. “Intimidated or not, we’re adults. This isn’t a recess, or homeroom, it’s...it’s life. I don’t get it, you’re always so...just...mature, with everything else but this.”

Cassandra half-nodded, and folded her arms. “The heart of man is a labyrinth, whose windings are very difficult to be discovered.”

Olivia delayed her retort, a bit off-guard. “...Um...yeah, that is...one way of putting it.”

Cassandra’s sweetly sore, peering down at the ground. “It’s an excerpt, from one of Heloise’s letters to Abelard. It’s...it’s after one where he implores her to revoke their union for the sake of God, but she refuses.”

Who even is this woman? Some thesaurus of mankind’s broken desires, reincarnated into one toned, statuesque, androgynous body? Is she even real?

“Yeah, well...Abelard was an elitist asshole who wasn’t worth it. And you’re still pompous, I take it.”

She smirks again, but not as sadly, as her eyes meet hers again. “Maybe so, on both counts. However, he still encouraged her in her work, and her learning.”

“Yes, as a means to punish her for behavior he deemed carnal even though he was a complicit beneficiary of if, not to mention--”

“Behavior he was punished for as well, rather grotesquely, if I can recall.”

Olivia’s hold on the book loosens, and she looks down at it, before back at her. “He...yeah. I mean, it was just a little...castration. It be like that sometimes.” They stare once again, and she clamps down on her tongue. They’re both fighting back something, some kind of expression, though Olivia denies the hope that Cassandra wishes to smile as she does. That is, until they both cough up a chuckle. The first in a long time; she can hardly remember the last occasion. That hurts.

After a moment, she gathers her wits. She slides the book into her shoulder back, and gets back to the unsavory topic.

“We’ve made a mess, haven’t we.” She can’t help but smile. Cassandra could run her heart through the mud and gravel, and then say something clever, and that’d be all it takes. She’d smile.

“I’m afraid so. They must think we’re devising to kill each other,” Cassandra says, coming forward. There’s no need of explanation as to who she’s referring to. In a flash, images of a very worried Ellinor and slightly scared Cullen come to mind.

“You would deserve it.”

A wry smirk. “Oh, would I?”

“Yes, you were a dick.”

“And you were an insensitive snob.”

Olivia chokes back another laugh. “Compared to the company you keep, Cassandra, I’m a down-home piece of apple pie.”

Cassandra scoffs. “Leliana? Ugh, God,” she grins, “she only pulls that act when she’s trying to pull something. She was being an ass, but, she was just...trying to protect me. I’m sure she’ll appear out of nowhere and explain herself, so, be prepared.”

“Oh, wonderful, I crave her company,” she mocks, eyes rolling gently as she looks back towards the door. “Why doesn’t she just show up now? I’m eager for more mortifying company.”

“She knew I wanted to be left alone. She does listen, you know.”

“...Oh. Well, damn.” That was a nice thing. Boundaries, huh, who knew. She can sympathize -- Olivia also has a friend who left her alone after one too many acidic quips. Oh, Ellinor. Though she wants to, she can’t crucify the woman for wanting to put up a fight for her friend. “Look, I know it makes me an asshole every time, but, I really should be going this time around. I have things to do tonight, and I really just needed to get this….this book.” She says it, but she hates it.

She hates it even more when Cassandra frowns, and blinks her eyes away. “I understand, no, it’s alright. You can’t just stay in every room I find you in.”

“No, I can’t, hah.” But I wish I could.

“Hey, Olivia?” she says one last time. Her full name. It’s nice, without all the malice.

“Yeah?”

Her eyes brighten a little. Bravery. “I...I hope that you’ll be happy. Whatever that means for you. You deserve it.”

It’s a stab to the side, clean and direct through her ribs and into her gut. Her voice saying ‘I think you knew what I wanted,’ rings loud and clear in her mind again. Wanted. Not want, wanted. And now this. Oh no, Cassandra, please, please don’t tell me you’ve really let go.

“...Thank you, Cassandra. I...I wish the same for you.” I wish it, and I wish it’d happen with me. Be with me. Ask me to stay. This time I’ll stay, I promise. Just ask it.

“Thanks. Um, drive safe, okay?” More of those polite, detached manners. Again. No, no, no.

“Yeah, um,” Olivia swallows, “I will. See you around, maybe?”

“Yeah. I think so.” A smile. She’s smiling. Oh God, she really has accepted it. That they aren’t meant for each other. Like Heloise and Abelard: Olivia as Heloise, ranting and raving in her letters about having been consumed by amorous affection. And then there’s Abelard, pointing her away towards higher callings, wishing her the best. Fuck Abelard, and fuck this.

Olivia tries her hardest to hide it, and she manages a wide grin and wave before leaving. She makes it out the hallway, down the side aisle of the Church pews, out the door, and into her car.

Slamming the car door behind her, she sinks into her compact leather seat and bangs her head against the headrest. Cassandra is letting her go. She did at the gallery, technically, but now it hurts in a different way. A way she feels no enraged pride in, no vanity. No need for spiteful indifference. She wants to take it all back, this time.

The one thing she couldn’t say, and perhaps will always regret, is that Cassandra was right. She is right. And now, she’s giving Olivia what she wants, what she clamors for, all the time. She’s giving it rather than trying to change her. So this is what respect feels like from someone who wants to love you.

The book stays in her lap as she drives home. When she stops at every red light, she clutches where Cassandra held it. If it were all a movie, this would be where she’d drive off into the sunset after her coming-of-age tale, leaving the reckless love behind. But she wants to do anything but that.

How long will it be until she finally stops? The answer is now.

She brakes hard and pulls into a street parking spot -- one of the luckiest moments of her life. Digging in her bag on the passenger’s seat, she finds her phone. Thumbing and thumbing, until she finds her name and the message thread she could never make herself delete.

--You know what’d make me happy? Because I have a couple ideas on the subject. The first is Friday night, at 11. Stay awake, or miss out.

[heartslogos]

the declassified texts of the inquisition’s elite [48]

(224): Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.

-

401): I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!

-

“Let me repeat," Sera says, putting her hands on Malika’s shoulders, “I love your mom. Your mom? Fuckin’ amazing. Chef’s kiss, great shit your mom. I want to meet your mom so bad. your mom is the alpha mom. But.”

“You don’t have to keep going. You can just leave off at the great compliments to my mom.”

“But. What the hell are the rules for a hearing based drinking game? Also, as someone who’s older than you and is supposed to be doing something like setting an example or whatever. You’re nineteen, you can’t drink.”

“I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t be talking. I mean. What were you doing at nineteen?”

“Volunteering with my local socialist party,” Sera says, “It’s different. It was a different time, a different place. Different rules.”

“You’re four years older than me.”

“It was an entirely different age. We had a different Divine and everything.”

“The Chantry doesn’t even have a Divine right now.”

“Yeah, but dead Justinia definitely isn’t the Divine. So. Different by default. Tell me everything about this drinking game and how the fuck it came into being.”

“Well. My mom has like…gin. Weak gin. Because if you use anything too strong then this game gets really dangerous, really fast. I use a sparkler. I like the raspberry sparklers best. Or a hard seltzer.”

Sera makes a face. “Seltzer? Andraste’s flaming tears, I can’t wait for you to be legal so we can get you some real drinks. You’re my friend, you can’t be enjoying hipster bullshit seltzers. Embarrassing.”

“Sera, you are a hipster. You’re wearing plaid weave pants with a wallet chain.”

“That isn’t hipster, you want hipster look at Pavus. Wait, no, he’s like. Hipster adjacent. If hipsters had money. I’m alternative.”

“As opposed to?”

“As opposed to polo shirts and boat shoes Maxwell.”

Malika frowns, blinking as she thinks back. “He doesn’t wear boat shoes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a real life person wear boat shoes before. Not even on a boat. Where you’re supposed to be wearing them, in theory, given the name.”

“Yeah, but don’t tell me you haven’t ever looked at Maxwell and though, that man wears boat shoes. He wears the polos. He’s got the khakis. I bet he’s even got the stupid — what’s the name of it? The diamond thingies? Argyle? I bet he’s got something in argyle. I don’t know if it would be worse for it to be the socks or a sweater vest.”

“I don’t know about argyle, but he’s got knee high compression socks with little yellow spots on them.”

Sera pretends to gag, shoving Malika. “Don’t fuck with me. Seriously? God, I’m surrounded. How come I don’t know anyone cool? We’re a top intelligence organization filled with spies, hitmen, genius scientists, prodigy inventors, and underground kingpins and yet.”

Malika gestures for Sera to go on. “And yet?”

Sera waves her arms around, trying to summon the word. Any word. Her eye catches something out of the corner of her eye and she points at it.

“And yet that.”

Malika turns and her hands shoot up to cover her mouth, trying to smother laughter when she spots Blackwall.

Poor Blackwall doesn’t deserve to be made fun of like this, but he’s wearing overalls and a plaid button up. It’s the kind of rubbery overalls used by people on fishing boats, the kind where the boots are attached to the pant legs so no liquid seeps in. He’s got mud up to his knees and sweat stains on his chest and underneath his arms.

He sees them, probably sees them laughing at him, and has the decency to only flip them off with one hand.

“Okay,” Malika gasps as she tries to get herself under control, watching Blackwall continue on his way to do whatever it is he’s doing in that outfit, “Okay, you have a point.”

“Damn right I have a point. Still can’t believe that he somehow pulled one over Leliana. She must want to strangle him with his damn beard every time she looks at him.”

-

“You know that margarita is a sauce, right?” Cullen looks up from the list of suggestions for the Halloween party menu.

“No, that’s spelled with an h,” Josephine says, idly flipping between catering menus and comparing them side by side on her lap top.

“Where the fuck is there an h in margarita?” Maxwell looks up from his laptop where he was browsing decorating ideas.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s the liquor margarita or the tomato based sauce,” Evelyn intercedes before this can get too far off track, “We’re not doing it either way.”

“If it’s meatballs in sauce I don’t see the problem with it,” Cullen points out, “It only went poorly last time because we let Dagna handle it and she was on an all liquid diet phase.”

“Why did we let Dagna handle it?”

“Because we were busy with other things, presumably.”

“I was out of the country, Leliana was doing something at a Chantry meeting with Cassandra, and Evelyn was out due to surgery.”

“And it went to Dagna?”

“She volunteered,” Josephine shrugs. “That doesn’t happen very often when it comes to party planning for the entire Inquisition.”

“We’re planning this event a month out,” Maxwell says, “Are you telling me that all of those prior events happened and none of you checked in on her plans before the party?”

“It was a combination of events,” Cullen says, “It doesn’t matter now. It’s over and done with. We can only hope to do better this year.”

“Dagna’s off her liquid diet, so that’s a step in the right direction,” Josephine smiles turning her laptop to face Evelyn, “I think this one matches the current polling suggestions.”

“Considering that most of the suggestions are no meatball margaritas that doesn’t say much,” Evelyn muses, pulling the laptop closer to her and handing off her tablet with the suggestion poll results to Josephine. “Does it boil down to the cost per head as our deciding factor?”

“Cost per head should always be a deciding factor.”

“Versus taste?” Maxwell asks.

“Always. A deciding factor,” Josephine repeats. “Taste is factored into that cost, of course.”

“Don’t question the professional,” Cullen says, “We’ll just be here longer.”

[angelhummel]

It's not a rank 5, but could you rank every Rachel through the 6 seasons? I mean, what Rachel do you think is better and wich one is the worst and why. I don't know if i explained it well, i am learning to speak english so im sorry for all the mistakes hahah

Ohhh that’s a good ask. And I love ranking stuff so. Also you explained it perfectly and your spelling and grammar is probably better than mine tbh so yay! Alright, now, let’s get to Rachel…

To preface: It’s probably well known that Rachel is not my fave but I’ll try my best to be gentle Never mind i just finished it and it’s pretty rough. But it gets better near the end kind of??

Season 5b - Right off the bat I’m already cheating, but what can you do? I’m separating this season into two parts because the first and second half are like night and day as far as Rachel goes. Once Frenemies hits, she just gets completely insufferable for me. Like I can’t even try and tolerate her. The way she treats her supposed best friends, and the whole stuff with trying to make Elliott her new “best gay”. Yikes. And then we go back to Lima and she has to make someone (this time Mercedes) feel sorry for her and throw her a pity party. But that happens at least once a season so whatever. Anyway, late season five Rachel has got to be my least favorite over all 

Season 3 - So the show has been completely Rachel-centric from the start but this season was just a joke because they were like “it’s Rachel’s senior year!! Everything has to be about her!!” because fuck Kurt, Santana, Mercedes, et al. This whole season was like a pity party for Rachel from start to finish. She pouts and cries about literally everything and makes it all about her, and then gets what she wants anyway. Cries about even having competition for NYADA, gets in anyway. Cries about Mercedes being better than her, gets the part of Maria anyway. Cries about completely blowing her audition, gets like ten more chances to prove herself. And gets in anyway. Plus she tries to have sex with Finn to improve her portrayal of Maria. And she wins prom queen when she didn’t earn it or deserve it. Just tiring over all. 

Season 1 - Okay so Rachel is basically the worst right off the bat. But at least early on, it’s funny and amusing. She’s obnoxious, but she’s supposed to be. It’s okay if she acts like a spoiled child because she obviously is. She hasn’t had any development yet or ever but at this point it’s okay because everything is new and she’s like 16 and it’s fine. She has some good funny moments but shit like “Why do you have to hurt me to make her feel good” still drive me up the wall so I gotta put this one kind of low

Season 6 - I’m just putting this here bc I don’t remember much of season 6. I remember there were only 13 episodes and they spent like huge chunks here and there of nothing but Rachel. In thirteen episodes she gets four solos and seven duets and it’s just too much. I’m done. I don’t care.

Season 4 - Obviously I still have my problems with her in this season buuut I’m gonna flip it and try to focus on the positive now! Ummm I think it’s nice seeing Rachel in a new setting. I like all her stuff with Brody and some of her stuff with Cassandra. I like her struggles with growing up and trying to make grown up decisions. How should she handle her relationship with Brody? Should she do a topless scene? Idk man but we’re gonna find out. Oh and her whole “I don’t need you to give me my freedom! I am a grown woman!” like that gives me chills, man. Great scene. Good growth 

Season 5a - Okay so to be fair, Rachel doesn’t have much to do in these precious 8 episodes. And I love it! Great choice, Glee. Kurt spent the majority of season 4 propping her up, so now she does a little of it in return. Getting him out of his funk after Finn died, agreeing to be in his band, and whatever else. Also there’s so much good Pezberry. You know what that does to me. Oh, and she’s adorable af as Fanny, so that helps. She also tries to help them all by getting them two jobs at the mall, and she’s actually supportive of Santana at the start of the season. Let’s just pretend that’s how the whole season went!

Season 2 - Alright so this is my favorite Rachel. I’ve kind of talked about this before and I said that I like when characters (especially Rachel) are being good friends and actually caring about others, and I think this is her most caring season over all. I went more into detail about it here. I said she had more selfless moments in season 2 than she had for the rest of the show lol. And I know I’m such a hypocrite because I always complain that they ignore everyone else’s friendships to give Rachel all the good stuff to do but… at least Rachel is doing good stuff, right? 

[clarascuro]

Clara Reads City of Bones Part 2: Lord Help Me, I’m Back On My Bullshit *Spoilers*

I haven’t written about this in a week. I was using the fact that my copy had a shirtless dude on it as an excuse not to read it or be seen with it, but my lovely lovely friend lent me her copy, so now I can take it with me everywhere! Thanks, Ailinn!

The Characters

Now last time, I don’t think I really expressed this with enough force, but I hate the characters in this book with every once of strength in my body. They suck, they suck so much, and I’m stuck with them for the next 500 PAGES. So let’s take a look at our motley crew and dive into why I want to beat them senseless and leave them for dead:

Clary Fray: Clary Fray is not a name. I need to get that out of the way. If you walk up to me and introduce yourself as Clary Fray, I will laugh in your face, because that is so very obviously a fake name that you make up on the spot. Clary Fray is the kind of name you’d get if you fed a baby name book into a predictive keyboard and told it to come up with one of it’s own. It sounds like a makeup line for women with very low self-esteem. I wish the actual character was as entertaining as her name is, but to be entertaining, you have to actually have a personality. Clary draws, which is only slightly higher than reading on the list of Passive Activities to Trick Your Readers Into Thinking This Blank-Slate is an Actual Character With Agency. Did I mention she has no agency? She doesn’t find anything for herself, she has to be led there by love interests mysterious strangers, and when she encounters things out of the ordinary, things like demons, faeries, angels I’m assuming, she just accepts it, because if she doesn’t accept it, then she won’t fall in love with the bad boy, and the Cassandra Clare can’t write definetely--not-Harry Potter porn. Clary is dull, infuriating, and lucky for me, the point of view character for the whole book. Blech.

Simon: Simon is Clary’s best friend who’s in love with her. He doesn’t get any character traits (and given the other personalities we see, I’m using that term lightly) outside of that, because he doesn’t have any bearing on the plot besides that. He’s also one of the few poc in the book

Alec: He’s here, I guess. He’s one of the magic guys. That’s about it so far. I think he plays piano.

Isabelle: I genuinely have no idea what this character is supposed to be. I assumed that she was going to be Clary’s rival in love, and that they would hate each other. They way she’s written suggests that she’s supposed to fill that role. She’s catty and hot, which in YA-Land mean she’s an enemy, but Clary gets along with her too well for her to be even a minor antagonist. Maybe it’s because, again, Clary is not a character. She’s a waifu body pillow. You can’t conflict with anyone of you don’t have any thoughts or feelings or desires, but still, I can’t think why she’s written this way if she’s not going to fight with the lead. I get this uncomfortable, gross feeling reading her. She doesn’t ever do anything super mean to the lead, but the book spends so much time painting her to be this sexy, dangerous seductress who’s out to destroy you, even though she hasn’t really done anything. There’s a scene where Clary dreams that Isabelle is naked and being all sexy and evil, but outside of just Being Hot, Isabelle hasn’t done anything to earn that reputation in Clary’s mind. I don’t know why Cassandra Clare’s doing this. Is it because of misogyny? I think it might be misogyny.

Jace: Oh, Jace. Sweet Jace. I would pay to have you run over by an eighteen-wheeler. Jace is a bad boy, but actually he’s just a dick. He’s an angel (I think) and he’s a bastard garbage man who deserves to be beaten with a rough switch. He is smug, he is rude, he makes fun of Clary all the time, and he’s totally gonna kiss her in the next few chapters, because life is unfair. Jace is not human, and he looks down on humans, for being human. How dare they. If I had the choice to either spend half an hour with Jace Bonecity, or chew off my own leg, guess who’s getting a prosthetic leg, babey!!! He’s not even the entertaining kind of bastard. Cardan from The Cruel Prince is complete bastard, and he’s entertaining as fuck, mostly because that book is better written, but also because Cardan is a disaster gremlin who doesn’t care about the consequences and is also madly in love with his mortal enemy, which is vastly entertaining to watch as it plays out. Jace is just mean. He sucks and I hate him.

Other Characters: Basically just Clary’s mom, who’s keeping a secret from her and also dies or something (I cared not one ounce) and her Uncle Luke. The only reason he’s noteworthy is because he says he doesn’t want Clary to call him “uncle” because it “...reminds him of Uncle Tom’s Cabin.” ajklajkhakjfh????? what the fuck does that even...like people aren’t rolling up to family reunions like “oh shit sorry Uncle Robert, i’m just gonna call you bob now, cause this very common familial address reminds me of an mid-nineteenth century anti-slavery novel that most people these days haven’t even read” like??? what the fuck? Have I mentioned Luke is white? I’m guessing that since Clary’s mom is very obviously like magic or something Luke is her magical servant or bodyguard or whatever, and it’s a reference to the Uncle Tom stereotype that the book helped popularize, but it was like...a throwaway line. Like a joke or something. Not like...foreshadowing a major plot development. Did this book have any editors?

The Plot

I may have mentioned this before, but the plot straight up sucks. In the space of three or four chapters, Clary:

discovers magic is real

watches someone die

runs away from her mom

runs back home when her mom is attacked

gets attacked by a monster

gets taken to a magical school or whatever

This might not seem like a lot, but it all happens so fast that I was getting whiplash reading it. Things just happen, and Clary never sits down to process them or anything, so the reader never gets time to process them before the next batshit thing happens. These are all dramatic plot points, but the characters are so dull and the writing is so bad that you don’t care that they’re happening. Clary finds out that magic is real and she’s just like “:/ gotta go get coffee now” I’m genuinely angry that the writing is this poor. I should care that magic is real, I should care that her mom dies, but I just don’t. I don’t care if Clary lives or dies, because I don’t care about Clary. SO MUCH has happened in the span of like, fifty pages, but it feels like nothing’s happened, because the writing never changes and Clary’s reactions never change. How can I get invested in the story if the main character’s not even invested?

The Dialogue

You know those out-of-context B99 quotes that people like to make into memes about their favorite characters? That’s basically 90% of the dialogue in this book. Every other line is this punchy, hip, little quip to make you go “wow. these characters sure are fun and hip, just like me, the Average American Teen” but actually they are very bad. I don’t feel like I’m reading an exchange between two characters, I feel like I’m reading an Instagram writing prompt. Cassandra Clare also likes to punctuate her trendy dialogue with a lot of descriptive tags. People in this book are always rolling their eyes and biting their lips. It doesn’t add anything to the scenes, it just pulls you out of the story and reminds you that you’re reading a book by a middle-aged Jewish woman. Please note: I in no way discriminate against Cassandra Clare for being a middle-aged Jewish woman. I myself will be a middle-aged Jewish woman some day, if the Shadowhunters fandom doesn’t kill me first. My only point is that she’s out of touch and her writing sucks.

Rating So Far

4/10-It fulfills it’s basic role of being a book, but there’s not much entertainment value outside of that. At this point I’m keeping myself entertained by imagining Jace has a booger hanging out his nose during every scene and everyone else is just too polite to point it out.

[seigephoenix]

DA OCs

Questions from this post: http://gothzenyatta.tumblr.com/post/145321138317

My Elaina Cousland, Guinevere Hawke, and Niyra Cadash for this one.  Under a cut because of length.

1. What would your Warden generally think of your Hawke and your inquisitor?

Elaina Cousland - I have met Guinevere Hawke.  I doubt she remembers me, it was just after the events of Kirkwall.  She's…  Best taken in small doses if you dislike crass personalities.

Niyra Cadash is a practical businesswoman who I respect.  While she's not the most diplomatic leaders, she knows her weaknesses.  And Lady Montilyet is a lovely woman to speak with.

2. What would your Hawke generally think of your warden and your Inquisitor?

Hawke - The Warden lost everything, was a wanted criminal, and rose beyond that to become Ferelden's fucking queen.  Hell yes I respect the hell out of her.  She's got a very nice ass too.

Niyra Cadash wouldn't have been my choice for Inquisitor.  I mean, this is supposed to be a religious organization, and she's not only a dwarf but a Carta dwarf.  Impressed with how she runs things.  Don't get into a drinking contest with her.  Skyhold is really cold, don't ask how I know...

3. What would your Inquisitor generally think of your warden and your Hawke?

Niyra Cadash - The Warden has my respect.  She's helped turn that country around and deals with whining nobles all day without stabbing one.  Impressive.

As for Hawke.  Can't hold her liquor for shit but after what she went through?  Hard not to respect a woman trying to atone for past mistakes.  Plus she's Varric's best friend.  The man may have questionable taste in certain things but he can judge a person very well.

4. What would they think about each other’s love interests (if they romanced someone of course)

Cousland - I've no doubt that Fenris is a lovely man.  He's definitely an impressive warrior.  And as for Isabela?  *smiles sweetly*

Hawke - You've slept with Isabela too?  *laughs*  Well, I mean.  It's obvious the King of Ferelden is still head over heels for his queen.  Ball and chain my ass.  As for Cadash's love interest?  I still wanna know the story from Varric.  He's kept his lips shut regarding his relationship with the Inquisitor.

Cadash - The King of Ferelden is still a fierce warrior who loves his queen.  What can I say?  I am a closet romantic.  Fenris and Isabela compliment Hawke, and I think their relationship works for them.

5. Is your inquisitor jealous that both the warden and Hawke have a mabari hound?

Cadash - Nah.  I have my own pet nuggalope.  And a dracolisk.  Kinda hard to top those.

6. What would they think of each other’s combat skills/techniques?

Cousland - Hawke's impressive on the battlefield.  Have you seen her lift that bastard sword?  As for Cadash, she's as in your face on the battleground as in the ballroom.

Hawke - Cousland's still a top notch archer.  She didn't train to be a Bard for nothing.  And Cadash hits hard with that shield.  Enemies underestimate her and she takes full advantage.

Cadash - Hawke's hot on the battlefield with that sword of hers.  Cousland's never gone soft on the throne.  Pretty sure most of the nobles know it too.  *laughs*

7. Are all your protagonists the same combat class? And what specializations did they take?

Elaina Cousland is a rogue archer that specializes in Bard.

Guinevere Hawke is a two handed warrior that specializes in Reaver.

Niyra Cadash is a sword and shield warrior that specializes in Champion.

8.What would your inquisitor and warden think of what happened in Kirkwall? Would they have supported Hawke’s decisions?

Cousland - Was there ever a right answer?  Too much has happened to say if what Hawke did was right or wrong.  She says she had no idea Anders was going to blow up the Chantry.  I believe her.  I cannot publicly make a comment you understand, but I don't see how she could have been wrong.  She did what a leader does, stepped up and made a choice.  Then lived with the consequences.

Cadash - Hawke made whatever decision she felt was right.  No one else was going to step up and do it.  She did it and lives with the guilt.  She's endured enough.  I would've supported her in Kirkwall for sure.

9. Would your warden or Hawke have actually accepted the role of inquisitor if Cassandra had located them as she’d planned to? Would they have been a good leader for the Inquisition?

Cousland - I'm afraid not.  Alistair would likely have a fit if I did.  But I wouldn't regardless, my time is done.  I'll lead my country until it's time for the next generation.

Hawke - You're joking right?  Me as the ‘Herald of Andraste’.  *dissolves into laughter*

10. Do your protagonists share the same opinions on the Chantry?

Cousland - While not perfect, it gives believers hope and guidance.

Hawke - It can kick rocks.  Though I'm okay with how the new Divine is running things.

Cadash - I'm a dwarf…  *pauses*  Let Leliana rule that department.  I've got nothing to say on the matter.  The ‘Herald of Andraste’ isn't exactly that religious anyway.

11. Do your protagonists share the same opinions on mages rights?

Cousland - We freed the Circle in Ferelden.  The mages govern themselves with scholars from universities and the Chantry alongside them.  It's worked for us.

Hawke - If I hear mage rights one more time. *shakes fist*  Look, no one deserves to be shackled.  No one.  But without some way of keeping balance corruption happens.  On both sides.

Cadash - Eh.  I let Viviene and Leliana handle that.  As long as it's balanced and fair I stay out of it.

12. Do your protagonists share the same opinions on blood magic?

Cousland - There are certain benefits if it is used without malice or a lust for power.

Hawke - Too much temptation.  Glad it's outlawed.  Nothing good has come from it that I've seen.

Cadash - I imagine it can be used like a tool.  In experienced hands, it can create masterworks.  In inept hands, disaster strikes.  I can't use magic so I prefer to leave it to the experts.

13. Do your protagonists share the same opinions on The Game?

Cousland - *sigh* a necessary evil if one wants to barter with Orlais.

Hawke - Fuck the ‘Game’.

Cadash - I hate it.  I'm not a diplomat so it was a disaster in Halamshiral.  Josephine almost throttled me after the incident in the garden.

Hawke - WHAT INCIDENT IN THE GARDEN!?  DID IT INVOLVE VARRIC!?  TELL ME WOMAN!

14. If they’d been in each other’s places would they have made the same or different choices? And who would they have romanced, if anyone?

Cousland - I believe I would in Cadash's shoes.  We both tend to look at the bottom line before making decisions.  *whispers* I might also have flirted with Cullen.  *clears throat*  

Hawke - I dunno about Cadash but pretty sure I'd make similar choices regarding Cousland.  Though I'd go for the witty assassin myself.  You're sure Morrigan isn't into woman?

Cadash - Who knows?  I probably would have in Hawke's shoes.  But my tastes run towards sarcastic dwarves that have a tendency for bad puns.

Hawke - Maker's balls, tell me how you and Varric got together!

15. Would your protagonists have the same character alignment?  

Oh definitely for all three.  That's who they are.  Though Niyra would be a bit more rough around the edges.  She'd have been 27ish in Origins and no one fucked with her at that age.

16. Would your protagonists have the same Hogwarts house?

Hahaha no.

Cadash - Slytherin.  

Cousland - Gryffindor

Hawke - Slytherin

17. If Origins and Inquisition had the 3 personalities (Diplomatic, Sarcastic, Aggressive) which would your warden and inquisitor have predominately been? And what one did your Hawke have?

Cousland - Diplomatic for sure

Cadash - Sarcastic/Aggressive

Hawke - Pure purple baby.

18. What is the biggest similarity between your protagonists?

Err their gender?  There isn't much too similar between all three really.

Cadash and Cousland are slightly more diplomatic than Hawke, so they share that in common.  They see potential benefits to making nice with nobles versus telling it like it is.

Hawke and Cadash both prefer to just say what they need to say.  Cadash's is tempered a bit with diplomacy and knowing the opponent.

19. What is the biggest difference between your protagonists?

How they view the world and deal with problems.

Cousland has seen war and what it does to men.  She's been betrayed and didn't let it destroy her ability to trust in people.  She's not the whole epitome of sunshine but she's definitely not the burn it to the ground types.

Hawke is a burn it to the ground types.  She's bitter about the events in Kirkwall and the betrayal from Anders was a slap in the face.  Carver had almost been a casualty of the Chantry, if he hadn't late thanks to Varric he would've been in the Chantry that night.  So she's got some major bitterness leftover.  It makes her less inclined to play nice.  Her found family in Kirkwall are the only exceptions to this.

Cadash balances diplomat and smartass.  Sometimes she prefers to be the smartass over the diplomat regardless of the outcome.  Overall she isn't a burn it to the ground unless all other options have been exhausted.  Then?  Then you'd better watch the fuck out because you won't see her coming.

20. Who handles responsibility the best? And who handles it the worst?

Cousland handles it the best.  She's used to it at this point.

Hawke the worst.  She isn't the best at handling it, and never wants anything heavier than what's for dinner anymore.

Cadash hates responsibility and pawns it off whenever she can if it doesn't benefit her.

21. Do they share any of the same hobbies?

No.  

Cousland - is a musician

Hawke - has learned how to forge weapons.

Cadash - writes in her spare time.  Don't tell Varric.

22. Would you ever ship any of them together?

Ah no.  They're too different to get along in a ship.  

Hawke - Mmmaaayyybbbeeee a one night stand.

Cadash - Well considering I'm the only one that hasn't slept with Isabela, I think that should be rectified.

Hawke - Don't tell Varric.  He'd write it into his books.

23. How old were each of your protagonists at the start of their respective games? Do you think their age affected the choices they made?  Looking back would they have done any major action differently?

Cousland - 19 at the beginning of Origins

Hawke - 24 at the beginning of DA2

Cadash - 38 at the beginning of Inquisition

24. How do each of your protagonists handle loss?

Cousland - She's lost so much that she's learned to keep it inside until in private.  She mourns by having a good cry and then talking about it.  Even if it is just to her faithful Mabari when Alistair isn't there.

Hawke - Doesn't deal with it well…  She likes to pick a fight with someone and just lash out as if a physical wound can help replace the emotional one.

Cadash - She gets quiet and retreats to a safe space.  Only a few trusted individuals are allowed close when she's grieving.

25. What is/was their relationship with their family like?

Cousland - was close to her family.  Is still close to Fergus.

Hawke - is close to Carver and Bethany.  Wasn't as close to Leandra, she always felt like a disappointment to her mother.  

Cadash - is as close as you can be in a Carta family.  Her mother and grandmother are the two matriarchs of the family and found it fucking amusing their grand/child was the head of the Inquisition.  She keeps in touch regularly.

26. Do any of your protagonists marry and/or have children?

Cousland and Alistair marry.  They have one child together after six years married.  A complete surprise.

Hawke never marries her partners but they all remain together.  No kids though.  They don't feel like kids belong in their little family, they each have too much baggage.

Cadash and Varric get married eventually.  He has to talk her into it because at first she thinks it's a joke.  No kids as they claim to be too old at that point for kids.

27. What would their fears on the graves in the fade during Here Lies The Abyss be?

Cousland - Betrayal or Succumbing (to the Taint)

Hawke - Failure

Cadash - Loss of Self

28. What is their favourite location within their own game and what would be their favourite in each others?

Cousland - Castle Cousland.  It's home.  But away from that?  Virgil's Keep.  I'd love to visit Skyhold.

Hawke - The Hanged Man, end of story.  The Herald's Rest in Skyhold.

Cadash - Skyhold for sure.  Though Varric tells me The Hanged Man doesn't serve mead that tastes completely like piss.  So we'll see.

29. How do they each feel about the Deep Roads?

*crickets* Probably better off not talking about that one with them.

30. Out of your Warden, Hawke, and Inquisitor, who is your favorite?

I can't decide.  I really can't.  Elaina was going to be my sunshine OC but she developed into a strong leader.  Cadash is my older OC (I'm 34 myself), so I can identify with her.  Hawke though…  Hawke is the closest.  I made her when I was in the depths of hurting and just wanted to lash out at how unfair my life was.  Then she stayed because I wanted to see if she could get out.  

So Hawke out of these three.