#Asher coded behavior

[running-tweezers]

So the shoes I wore to the show the other night gave me nasty blisters (completely my mistake, the shoes are newish and not broken in, plus I forgot how far the parking garage was from the theater) to the point that it’s hard to just walk around my house rn.

Today my husband saw those shoes sitting on the floor. Picked them up. Threw them violently on the couch. Yelled “YOU’RE THE SONS OF BITCHES WHO HURT MY WIFE!!” and started dramatically punching at them.

Ya know it didn’t help my blisters but it did make me laugh.

[yamayuandadu]

Nonconformity, ambiguity, fluidity and misinterpretation: on the gender of Inanna (and a few others)

This article wasn’t really planned far in advance. It started as a response to a question I got a few weeks ago:

However, as I kept working on it, it became clear a simple ask response won’t do - the topic is just too extensive to cover this way. It became clear it has to be turned into an article comprehensively discussing all major aspects of the perception of Inanna’s gender, both in antiquity and in modern scholarship. In the process I’ve also incorporated what was originally meant as a pride month special back in 2023 (but never got off the ground) into it, as well as some quick notes on a 2024 pride month special that never came to be in its intended form, as I realized I would just be repeating what I already wrote on wikipedia.

To which degree can we speak of genuine fluidity or ambiguity of Inanna’s gender, and to which of gender non-conforming behavior? Which aspects of Inanna’s character these phenomena may or may not be related to? What is overestimated and what underestimated? What did Neo-Assyrian kings have in common with medieval European purveyors of Malleus Maleficarum?  Is a beard always a type of facial hair? Why should you be wary of any source which calls gala “priests of Inanna”? 

Answers to all of these questions - and much, much more (the whole piece is over 19k words long) - await under the cut.

Zeus is basically Tyr: on names and cognates

The meaning of a theonym - the proper name of a deity - can provide quite a lot of information about its bearer. Therefore, I felt obliged to start this article with inquiries pertaining to Inanna’s name - or rather names. I will not repeat how the two names - Inanna and Ishtar - came to be used interchangeably; this was covered on this blog enough times, most recently here. Through the article, I will consistently refer to the main discussed deity as Inanna for the ease of reading, but I’d appreciate it if you read the linked explanation for the name situation before moving forward with this one.

Sumerian had no grammatical gender, and nouns were divided broadly into two categories, “humans, deities and adjacent abstract terms” and “everything else” (Ilona Zsolnay, Analyzing Constructs: A Selection of Perils, Pitfalls, and Progressions in Interrogating Ancient Near Eastern Gender, p. 462; Piotr Michalowski, On Language, Gender, Sex, and Style in the Sumerian Language, p. 211). This doesn’t mean deities (let alone humans) were perceived as genderless, though. Furthermore, the lack of grammatical masculine or feminine gender did not mean that specific words could not be coded as masculine or feminine (Analyzing Constructs…, p. 471; one of my favorite examples are the two etymologically unrelated words for female and male friends, respectively malag and guli).

While occasionally doubts are expressed regarding the meaning of Inanna’s name, most authors today accept that it can be interpreted as derived from the genitive construct nin-an-ak - “lady of heaven” (Paul-Alain Beaulieu, The Pantheon of Uruk During the Neo-Babylonian Period, p. 104). The title nin is effectively gender neutral (Julia M. Asher-Greve, Joan Goodnick Westenholz, Goddesses in Context: On Divine Powers, Roles, Relationships and Gender in Mesopotamian Textual and Visual Sources, p. 6) - it occurs in names of male deities (Ningirsu, Ninurta, Ninazu, Ninagal, Nindara, Ningublaga...), female ones (Ninisina, Ninkarrak, Ninlil, Nineigara, Ninmug…), deities whose gender shifted or varied from place to place or from period to period (Ninsikila, Ninshubur, Ninsianna…) and deities whose gender cannot be established due to scarcity of evidence (mostly Early Dynastic oddities whose names cannot even be properly transcribed). However, we can be sure that Inanna’s name was regarded as feminine based on its Emesal form, Gašananna (Timothy D. Leonard, Ištar in Ḫatti: The Disambiguation of Šavoška and Associated Deities in Hittite Scribal Practice, p. 36).

The matter is a bit more complex when it comes to the Akkadian name Ishtar. In contrast with Sumerian, Akkadian, which belongs to the eastern branch of the family of Semitic languages, had two grammatical genders, masculine and feminine, though the gender of nouns wasn’t necessarily reflected in verbal forms, suffixes and so on (Analyzing Constructs…, p. 472-473). In contrast with the name Inanna, the etymology of the Akkadian moniker is less clear. The root has been identified, ˤṯtr, but its meaning is a subject of a heated debate (Aren M. Wilson-Wright, Athtart. The Transmission and Transformation of a Goddess in the Late Bronze Age, p. 22-23; the book is based on the author’s doctoral dissertation, which can be read here). Based on evidence from the languages from the Ethiopian branch of the Semitic family, which offer (distant) cognates, Wilson-Wright suggests it might have originally been an ordinary feminine (but not marked with an expected suffix) noun meaning “star” which then developed into a theonym in multiple languages (Athtart…, p. 21) She tentatively suggests that it might have referred to a specific celestial body (perhaps Venus) due to the existence of a more generic term for “star” in most Semitic languages, which must have developed very early (p. 24). Thus the emergence of Ishtar would essentially parallel the emergence of Shamash, whose name is in origin the ordinary noun for the sun (p. 25). This seems like an elegant solution, but as pointed out by other researchers some of the arguments employed might be shaky, so it’s best to remain cautious about quoting Wilson-Wright’s conclusions as fact, even if they are more sound than some of the older, largely forgotten, proposals (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 40-41).

In addition to uncertainties pertaining to the meaning of the root ˤṯtr, it’s also unclear why the name Ishtar starts with an i in Akkadian, considering cognate names of deities from other cultures fairly consistently start with an a. The early Akkadian form Eštar isn’t a mystery - it reflects a broader pattern of phonetic shifts in this language, and as such requires no separate inquiry, but the subsequent shift from e to i is almost unparalleled. Wilson-Wright suggests that it might have been the result of contamination with Inanna, which seems quite compelling to me given that by the second millennium BCE the names had already been interchangeable for centuries (Athtart…, p. 18).

As for grammatical gender, in Akkadian (as well as in the only other language from the East Semitic branch, Eblaite), the theonym Ishtar lacks a feminine suffix but consistently functions as grammatically feminine nonetheless. I got a somewhat confusing ask recently, which I assume was the result of misinterpretation of this information as applying to the gender of the bearer of the name as opposed to just grammatical gender of the name itself:

Occasional confusion might stem from the fact that in the languages from the West Semitic family (like ex. Ugaritic or Phoenician) there’s no universal pattern - in some of them the situation looks like in Akkadian, in some cognates without the feminine suffix refer to a male deity, furthermore goddesses with names which are cognate but have a feminine suffix (-t; ex. Ugaritic Ashtart) added are attested (Athtart…, p. 16). 

In Akkadian a form with a -t suffix (ištart) doesn’t appear as a theonym, only as the generic word, “goddess” - and it seems to have a distinct etymology, with the -t as a leftover from plural ištarātu (Athtart…, p. 18). The oldest instances of a derivative of the theonym Ishtar being used as an ordinary noun, dated to the Old Babylonian period (c. 1800 BCE), spell it as ištarum, without such a suffix (Goddess in Context…, p. 80). As a side note, it’s worth pointing out that both obsolete vintage translations and dubious sources, chiefly online, are essentially unaware of the existence of any version of this noun, which leads to propagation of incorrect claims about equation of deities (Goddesses in Context…, p. 82).

It has been argued that a further form with the -t suffix, “Ishtarat”, might appear in Early Dynastic texts from Mari, but this might actually be a misreading. This has been originally suggested by Manfred Krebernik all the way back in 1984. He concluded the name seems to actually be ba-sùr-ra-at (Baśśurat; something like “announcer of good news”; Zur Lesung einiger frühdynastischer Inschriften aus Mari, p. 165). Other researchers recently resurrected this proposal (Gianni Marchesi and Nicolo Marchetti, Royal Statuary of Early Dynastic Mesopotamia, p. 228; accepted by Dominique Charpin in a review of their work as well). I feel it’s important to point out that nothing really suggested that the alleged “Ishtarat” had much to do with Ishtar (or Ashtart, for that matter) in the first place. The closest thing to any theological information in the two brief inscriptions she appears in is that she is listed alongside the personified river ordeal, Id, in one of them. Marchesi and Marchetti suggest they form a couple (Royal Statuary…, p. 228); in absence of other evidence I feel caution is necessary. I’m generally wary of asserting deities who appear together once in an oath, greeting or dedicatory formula are necessarily a couple when there is no supplementary evidence. Steve A. Wiggins illustrated this issue well when he rhetorically asked if we should treat Christian saints the same way, which would lead to quite thrilling conclusions in cases like the numerous churches named jointly after St. Andrew and St. George and so on (A Reassessment of Asherah With Further Considerations of the Goddess, p. 101).

Even without Ishtarat, the Mariote evidence remains quite significant for the current topic, though. There’s a handful of third millennium attestations of a deity sometimes referred to as “male Ishtar” (logographically INANNA.NITA; there’s no ambiguity thanks to the second logogram) in modern publications - mostly from Mari. The problem is that this is most likely a forerunner of Ugaritic Attar, as opposed to a male form of the deity of Uruk/Zabalam/Akkad/you get the idea (Mark S. Smith, The God Athtar in the Ancient Near East and His Place in KTU 1.6 I, esp. p. 629; note that the deity with the epithet Sarbat is, as far as I know, generally identified as female though). 

Ultimately there is no strong evidence for Attar being associated with Inanna (his Mesopotamian counterpart in the trilingual list from Ugarit is Lugal-Marada) or even with Ashtart (Smith tentatively proposes the two were associated - The God Athtar.., p. 631 - but more recently in ‛Athtart in Late Bronze Age Syrian Texts he ruled it out, p. 36-37) so he’s not relevant at all to this topic. Cognate name =/= related deity, least you want to argue Zeus is actually Tyr; the similarly firmly male South Arabian ˤAṯtar is even less relevant (Athtart. The Transmission and Transformation…, p. 13). Smith goes as far as speculating the male cognates might have been a secondary development, which would render them even more irrelevant to this discussion (‛Athtart in Late…, p. 35).

There are also three Old Akkadian names which might refer to a masculine deity based on the form of the other element (Eštar-damqa, “E. is good”, Eštar-muti “E. is my husband”, and Eštar-pāliq, “E. is a harp”), but they’re an outlier and according to Wilson-Wright might be irrelevant for the discussion of the gender of Ishtar and instead refer to a deity with a cognate name from outside Mesopotamia (Athtart. The Transmission and Transformation…, p. 22). 

There’s also a possible isolated piece of evidence for a masculine deity with a cognate name in Ebla. Eblaite texts fairly consistently indicate that Inanna’s local counterpart Ašdar was a female deity. In addition to the equivalence between them attested in a lexical list, her main epithet, Labutu (“lioness”) indicates she was a feminine figure. However, Alfonso Archi argues that in a single case the name seems to indicate a god, as they are followed by an otherwise unattested “spouse” (DAM-sù), Datinu (Išḫara and Aštar at Ebla: Some Definitions, p. 16). The logic behind this is unclear to me and no subsequent publications offer any explanations so far. It might be worth noting that the Eblaite pantheon seemingly was able to accommodate two sun deities, one male and one female, so perhaps this is a similar situation.

It should also be noted that the femininity of Ishtar despite the lack of a feminine suffix in her name is not entirely unparalleled - in addition to Ebla, in areas like the Middle Euphrates deities with cognate names without the -t suffix might not necessarily be masculine, even when they start with a- and not i- like in Akkadian. In some cases the matter cannot be solved at all - there is no evidence regarding the gender of Aštar of the Stars (aš-tar MUL) from Emar, for instance. Meanwhile Aštar of Ḫaši and Aštar-ṣarbat (“poplar Aštar”) from the same site are evidently feminine (Athtart. The Transmission and Transformation…, p. 106). At least in the last case that’s because the name actually goes back to the Akkadian form, though (p. 85).

To sum up: despite some minor uncertainties pertaining to the Akkadian name, there’s no strong reason to suspect that any greater degree of ambiguity is built into either Inanna or Ishtar - at least as far as the names alone go. The latter was even seen as sufficiently feminine coded to serve as the basis for a generic designation of goddesses. 

Obviously, there is more to a deity than just the sum of the meanings of their names. For this reason, to properly evaluate what was up with Inanna’s gender it will be necessary to look into her three main roles: these of a war deity, personification of Venus and love deity.

Masculinity, heroism and maledictory genderbening: the warlike Inanna

An Old Babylonian plaque depicting armed Inanna (wikimedia commons)

Martial first, marital second?

War and other related affairs will be the first sphere of Inanna’s activity I’ll look into, since it feels like it’s the one least acknowledged online and in various questionable publications. Ilona Zsolnay points out that this even extends to serious scholarship to a degree, and that as a result her military side is arguably understudied (Ištar, Goddess of War, Pacifier of Kings: An Analysis of Ištar’s Martial Role in the Maledictory Sections of the Assyrian Royal Inscriptions, p. 389). The oldest direct evidence for the warlike role of Inanna are Early Dynastic theophoric names such as Inanna-ursag, “Inanna is a warrior”. Further examples are provided by a variety of both Sumerian and Akkadian sources from across the second half of the third millennium BCE. This means it’s actually slightly older than the first evidence for an association with love and eroticism, which can only be dated with certainty to the Old Akkadian period when it is directly mentioned for the first time, specifically in love incantations (Joan Goodnick Westenholz, Inanna and Ishtar in the Babylonian World, p. 336).

Deities associated with combat were anything but uncommon in Mesopotamia. There was no singular war god - Ninurta, Nergal, Zababa, Ilaba, Tishpak and an entire host of other figures, some recognized all across the region, some limited to one specific area or even just a single city, shared a warlike disposition. Naturally, the details could vary - Ninurta was essentially an avenger restoring order disturbed by supernatural threats, Nergal was a war god because he was associated with just about anything pertaining to inflicting death, and so on. 

All the examples I’ve listed are male, but similar roles are also attested for multiple goddesses, not just Inanna. Those include closely related deities like Annunitum or Belet-ekallim, most of her foreign counterparts, the astral deity Ninisanna (more on this figure later), but also firmly independent examples like Ninisina and the Middle Euphrates slash Ugaritic Anat (Ilona Zsolnay, Do Divine Structures of Gender Mirror Mortal Structures of Gender?, p. 114).

The god list An = Anum preserves a whole series of epithets affirming Inanna’s warlike character - Ninugnim, “lady of the army”; Ninšenšena, “lady of battle”; Ninmea, “lady of combat”; Ninintena, “lady of warriorhood” (tablet IV, lines 20-23; Wilfred G. Lambert and Ryan D. Winters, An = Anum and Related Lists, p.162). It is also well represented in literary texts. She is a “destroyer of lands” (kurgulgul) in Ninmesharra, for instance (Markham J. Geller, The Free Library Inanna Prism Reconsidered, p. 93).

At least some of the terms employed to describe Inanna in other literary compositions were strongly masculine-coded, if not outright masculine. The poem Agušaya characterizes her as possessing “manliness” (zikrūtu) and “heroism” (eṭlūtu; this word can also refer to youthful masculinity, see Analyzing Constructs…, p. 471) and calls her a “hero” (qurādu). Another example, a hymn dated to the reign of Third Dynasty of Ur or First Dynasty of Isin opens with an incredibly memorable line - “O returning manly hero, Inanna the lady (...)” (or, to follow Thorkild Jacobsen’s older translation, which involves some gap filling - “O you Amazon, queen—from days of yore, paladin, hero, soldier”; The Free Library… p. 93). 

A little bit of context is necessary here: while “heroism” might seem neutral to at least some modern readers, in ancient Mesopotamia it was seen as a masculine trait (Ištar, Goddess of War…, p. 392-393). It’s worth noting that eṭlūtum, which you’ve seen translated as “heroism” above can be translated in other context as  “youthful masculinity” (Analyzing Constructs…, p. 471). On the other hand, while zikrūtu is derived from zikāru, “male”, it might refer both straightforwardly to masculinity and more abstractly to heroism (Ištar, Goddess of War…, p. 397).

However, the same hymn which calls Inanna a “manly hero” refers to her with a variety of feminine titles like nugig. There’s even an Emesal gašan (“lady”) in there, you really can’t get much more feminine than that (The Free Library… p.  89). On top of that, about a half of the composition is a fairly standard Dumuzi romance routine (The Free Library… p. 90-91; more on what that entails later, for now it will suffice to say that not gender nonconformity). 

This is a recurring pattern, arguably - Agušaya, where masculine traits are attributed to Inanna over and over again, still firmly refers to her as a feminine figure (“daughter”, “goddess”, “queen”, “princess”, “mistress”, “lioness” and so on; Benjamin R. Foster, Before the Muses: an Anthology of Akkadian Literature, p. 160 and passim). In other words, the assignment of a clearly masculine sphere of activity and titles related to it doesn’t really mean Inanna is not presented as feminine in the same compositions.

How to explain this phenomenon? In Mesopotamian thought both femininity and masculinity were understood as me, ie. divinely ordained principles regulating the functioning of the cosmos. In modern terms, these labels as they were used in literary texts arguably had more to do with gender and gender roles than strictly speaking with biological sex (Ištar, Goddess of War…, p. 391-392). Ilona Zsolnay on this basis concludes that Inanna, while demonstrably regarded as a feminine figure, took on a masculine role in military context (Ištar, Goddess of War…, p. 401). This is hardly an uncommon view in scholarship (The Free Library…, p. 93; On Language…, p. 243). 

In other words, it can be argued that when the lyrical voice in Agušaya declares that “there is a certain hero, she is unique” (i-ba-aš-ši iš-ta-ta qú-ra-du; Before the Muses…, p. 98) the unique quality is, essentially, that Inanna fulfills a strongly masculine coded role - that of a “hero”, understood as a youthful, aggressive masculine figure - despite being female.

It should be noted that the ideal image of a person characterized by youthful masculinity went beyond just warfare, or abstract heroic adventures, though. The Song of the Hoe indicates that willingness to perform manual work in the fields was yet another aspect of it (Ilona Zsolnay, Gender and Sexuality: Ancient Near East, p. 277). This, as far as I know, was never attributed to Inanna.

Furthermore, the sort of youthful, aggressive masculinity we’re talking about here was regarded as something fleeting and temporary for the most part (at least when it came to humans; deities are obviously a very different story), and a very different image of male gender roles emerges from texts such as Instruction of Shuruppak, which extol a peaceful, reserved demeanor and the ability to provide for one’s family as masculine virtues instead (Gender and Sexuality…, p. 277-278). It might be worth pointing out that Sumerian outright uses two different terms to designate “youthful” (namguruš) and “senior” (namabba) masculinity (Gender and Sexuality…, p. 275); the general term for masculinity, namnitah, is incredibly rare in comparison  (Gender and Sexuality…, p. 276-277).

It needs to be pointed out that a further Sumerian term sometimes translated as “manliness” -  šul, which occurs for example in the hymn mentioned above - might actually be gender neutral; in addition to being used to describe mortal young men and Inanna, it was also applied as an epithet to the goddess Bau, who demonstrably was not regarded as a masculine figure; she didn’t even share Inanna’s warlike character (Analyzing Constructs…, p. 471). Perhaps the original nuance simply escapes us - could it be that šul was not strictly speaking masculinity, but some more abstract quality which was simply more commonly associated with men?

In any case, it’s hard to argue that Inanna really encompasses the entire concept of masculinity as the Mesopotamians understood it. At the same time, it is impossible to deny that she was portrayed as responsible for - and enthusiastically engaged in - spheres of activity which were seen as firmly masculine, and could accordingly be described with terms associated with them. Therefore, it would be more than suitable to describe her as gender nonconforming - at least when she was specifically portrayed as warlike. 

Perhaps Dennis Pardee was onto something when he completely sincerely described Anat, who despite being firmly a female figure similarly engaged in masculine pursuits (not only war, but also hunting) as a “tomboy goddess” (Ritual and Cult at Ugarit, p. 274). 

These observations only remain firmly correct as long as we assume that gender roles are a concept fully applicable to deities, of course - I’ll explore in more detail later whether this was necessarily true.

Royal curses and legal loopholes

A different side of Inanna as a war deity which nonetheless still has a lot to do with the topic of this article comes to the fore in curse formulas from royal inscriptions. Their contents are not quite as straightforward as imploring her to personally intervene on the battlefield. Rather, she was supposed to make the enemy unable to partake in warfare properly (Ištar, Goddess of War…, p. 390). Investigating how this process was imagined will shed additional light on how the Mesopotamians viewed masculinity, and especially the intersection between masculinity and military affairs.

The formulas under discussion start to appear in the second half of the second millennium BCE, with the earliest example identified in an inscription of the Middle Assyrian king Tukultī-Ninurta I (Gina Konstantopoulos, My Men Have Become Women, and My Women Men: Gender, Identity, and Cursing in Mesopotamia, p. 363).  He implored the goddess to punish his enemies by turning them into women (zikrūssu sinnisāniš) - or rather, by turning their masculinity into femininity, or at the very least some sort of non-masculine quality. The first option was the conventional translation for a while, but sinništu would be used instead of the much more uncommon sinnišānu if it was that straightforward. Interpreting it as “femininity” would parallel the use of zikrūti, “masculinity”, in place of zikaru, “man”. 

There are two further possible alternatives, which I find less plausible myself, but which nonetheless need to be discussed. One is that sinnišānu designated a specific class of women. Furthermore, there is also some evidence - lexical list entry from ḪAR.GUD, to be specific -  that sinnisānu might have been a synonym of assinnu, a type of undeniably AMAB, but possibly gender nonconforming, cultic performer (in older literature erroneously translated as “eunuch” despite lack of evidence; the second most beloved vintage baseless translation for any cultic terms after “sacred prostitute”, an invention of Herodotus), in which case the curse would involve something like “changing his masculinity in the manner of a sinnisānu” (Ištar, Goddess of War…, p. 394-396). However, Zsolnay herself subsequently published a detailed study of the assinnu, The Misconstrued Role of the assinnu in Ancient Near Eastern Prophecy, which casts her earlier proposal into doubt, as the perception of the assinnu as a figure lacking conventional masculinity might be erroneous. I’ll return to this point later. For now, it will suffice to say that on grammatical grounds and due to parallels in other similar maledictions, “masculinity into femininity” seems to be the most straightforward to me in this case.

The “genderbending” tends to be mentioned alongside the destruction of one’s weapons (My Men Have…, p. 363). This is not accidental - martial prowess, “heroism” and even the ability to bear weapons were quintessential masculine qualities; a man deprived of his masculinity would inevitably be unable to possess them. The masculine coding of weaponry was so strong that an erection could be metaphorically compared to drawing a bow (Ištar, Goddess of War…, p. 395).

Zsolnay points out the reversal of gender in curses is also coupled with other reversals: Inanna is also supposed to “establish” (liškun) the defeat (abikti) of the target of the curses - a future king who fails to uphold his duties - which constitutes a reversal of an idiom common in royal inscriptions celebrating victory (abikti iškun). The potential monarch will also be unable to face the enemy as a result of her intervention - yet again a reversal of a mainstay of royal declarations. The majesty and heroism of a king were supposed to scare enemies, who would inevitably prostrate themselves when faced by him on the battlefield (Ištar, Goddess of War…, p. 396-397). 

It is safe to say the goal of invoking Inanna in the discussed formulas was to render the target powerless. (Ištar, Goddess of War…, p. 396; My Men Have…, p. 366). Furthermore, they evoke a fear widespread in cuneiform sources, that of the loss of potency, which sometimes took forms akin to Koro syndrome or the infamous penis theft passages from Malleus Maleficarum (My Men Have…, p. 367). It is worth noting that male impotence could specifically be described as being “like a woman” (kīma sinništi/GIM SAL; Ištar, Goddess of War…, p. 395).

Gina Konstantopoulos argues that references to Inanna “genderbening” others occur in a different context in a variety of literary texts, for example in the Epic of Erra, where they’re only meant to highlight the extent of her supernatural ability. She also suggests that more general references to swapping left and right sides around, for example in Enki and the World Order, are further examples, as they “echo(...) the language of birth incantations” which ritually assigned the gender role to a child (My Men Have…, p. 368). She also sees the passage from the Epic of Gilgamesh describing the fates of various individuals who crossed her path and ended up transformed into animals as a result as a more distant parallel of the curse formulas (My Men Have…, p. 369). However, it needs to be pointed out this sort of shapeshifting is almost unparalleled in Mesopotamian literature (Frans Wiggermann, Hybrid creatures A. Philological. In Mesopotamia, p. 237), and none of the few examples involve a change of gender. The fact that the "genderbending" passages generally reflect a fear of loss of agency (especially on the battlefield) or potency, and by extension of independence tied to masculine gender roles, explains why they virtually never describe the opposite scenario, a mortal woman being placed in a masculine role through supernatural means as punishment (My Men Have…, p. 370). It might be worth pointing out that a long sequence of seemingly contradictory duties involving reversals is also ascribed to Inanna in a particularly complex Old Babylonian hymn (Michael P. Streck, Nathan Wasserman, The Man is Like a Woman, the Maiden is a Young Man. A new edition of Ištar-Louvre (Tab. I-II), p. 2-3). It also contains a rare case of bestowing masculine qualities upon women: “the man is like a woman, the maiden is like a young man” (zikrum sinništeš ardatu eṭel; The Man is Like…, p. 5). However, the context is not identical to the “genderbening” curses. The text is agreed to describe a performance during a specific festival. Other passages explicitly refer to crossdressing and rituals themed around reversal (šubalkutma šipru, "behavior is turned upside down"; The Man is Like…, p. 6). Furthermore, grammatical forms of verbs do not indicate a full reversal of gender (The Man is Like…, p. 31). Overall, I agree with Timothy D. Leonard’s cautious remark that in this context only religiously motivated temporary reversal of gender roles occurs, and we cannot use the passage to make far reaching conclusions about the participants’ identity (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 298).

It’s important to bear in mind that a performance involving crossdressing won’t necessarily involve people who are otherwise gender nonconforming, and it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the sexuality of the performer. While I typically avoid bringing up parallels from other cultures and time periods as evidence, I feel like this is illustrated quite well by the case of shirabyōshi, a type of female performer popular in Japan roughly from the second half of the Heian period to the late Kamakura period.

A 20th century depiction of a shirabyōshi (wikimedia commons)

They performed essentially in male formal wear, and with swords at their waists; their performance was outright called a “male dance” (Roberta Strippoli, Dancer, Nun, Ghost, Goddess. The Legend of Giō and Hotoke in Japanese Literature, Theater, Visual Arts, and Cultural Heritage, p. 28). Genpei jōsuiki nonetheless states that famous shirabyōshi were essentially the Japanese answer to the most famous historical Chinese beauties like Wang Zhaojun or Yang Guifei (Dancer, Nun…, p. 27-28). In other words, while the shirabyōshi crossdressed, they were simultaneously held to be paragons of femininity.

Putting crossdressing aside, it’s worth noting women taking masculine roles are additionally attested in legal context in ancient Mesopotamia, though only in an incredibly specific scenario. A man who lacked male heirs could essentially legally declare his daughter a son, so that she would be able to have the privileges as a man would with regards to inheritance. For example, in a text from Emar a certain mr. Aḫu-ṭāb formally made his daughter Alnašuwa his heir due to having no other descendants, and explained that as a result she will have to be “both male and female” (NITA ù MUNUS) - effectively both a son and a daughter - to keep the process legitimate. Once Alnašuwa got married, her newfound status as a son of her father was legally transferred to her husband, though. Evidently no supernatural powers were involved at any stage, only an uncommon, but fully legitimate, legal procedure (My Men Have…, p. 370-372). It should be noted that when male by proxy, Alnašuwa was explicitly not expected to perform any military roles - her father only placed such an exception on potential grandsons (My Men Have…, p. 370). Therefore, the temporary masculine role she was granted was arguably not the same as the sort of masculinity curses were supposed to take away, or the sort Inanna could claim for herself to a degree.

Luminous beards and genderfluid planets: the astral Inanna (and her peers)

A standard Mesopotamian depiction of the planet Venus (Dilbat) on a late Kassite boundary stone (wikimedia commons)

Male in the morning, female in the evening (or the other way round)?

While the inquiry into Inanna’s military aspect revealed a fair amount of evidence for gender nonconformity, it would be disingenuous on my part to end the article on just that. A slightly different phenomenon is documented with regards to her astral side - or perhaps with regards to the astral side of multiple deities, to be more precise.

To begin with, in Mesopotamian astrology Venus (Dilbat) was one of the two astral bodies which were described as possessing two genders, the other being Mercury (Erica Reiner, Astral Magic in Babylonia, p. 6; interestingly, it doesn’t seem any deity associated with Mercury acquired this characteristic unless you want to count a possible late case from outside Mesopotamia). The primary sources indicate that this reflected the fact Venus is both the morning star and the evening star, though there was no agreement between ancient astronomers which one of them was feminine and which masculine (Ulla Koch-Westenholz, Mesopotamian Astrology. An Introduction to Babylonian and Assyrian Celestial Divination, p. 40). We even have a case of a single astrologer, a certain Nabû-ahhe-eriba, alternating between both options in his personal letters (p. 126). It needs to be pointed out that while some interest in stars and planets might already be attested in Early Dynastic sources, its scope was evidently quite limited and astrology didn’t develop yet (Mesopotamian Astrology…, p. 32). No astrological texts predate the Old Babylonian period, and most of the early ones are preoccupied with the moon (p. 36-37), though the earliest evidence for astrological interest in Venus are roughly contemporary with them (p. 40). Astronomical observations of this planet were certainly already conducted for divinatory purposes during the reign of Ammisaduqa, and by the seventh century BCE experts were well familiar with its cycle and made predictions on this basis (p. 126).

Inanna’s association with Venus predates the dawn of astrology by well over a millennium. It likely goes back all the way up to the Uruk period - if not earlier, but that sort of speculation is moot because you can’t talk about Mesopotamian theology with no textual sources, and these are fundamentally not something available before the advent of writing. The earliest evidence are archaic administrative texts which separately record offerings for Inanna hud, “Inanna the morning” and Inanna sig, “Inanna the evening” (Inanna and Ishtar…, p. 334-335). However, it is impossible to tell if this was already reflected in any sort of ambiguity or fluidity of gender. It also needs to be noted the archaic text records two more epithets, Inanna NUN, possibly “princely Inanna” (p. 334; this is actually the single oldest one) and Inanna KUR, possibly a forerunner of later title ninkurkurra, “lady of the lands” (p. 335). Therefore, Inanna was arguably already more than just a deity associated with Venus.

It’s up for debate to which degree an astral body was seen as identical with the corresponding deity in later periods (Spencer J. Allen, The Splintered Divine. A Study of Ištar, Baal, and Yahweh Divine Names and Divine Multiplicity in the Ancient Near East, p. 41-42). There is evidence that Inanna and the planet Venus could be viewed as separate, similarly to how the moon observed in the sky could be treated as distinct from the moon god Sin (p. 40). The most commonly cited piece of evidence is that astrological texts fairly consistently employ the name Dilbat to refer to the planet instead of Inanna’s name or one of the logograms used to represent it, like the numeral 15 (p. 42).

Regardless of these concerns, one specific tidbit pertaining to astrological comments on Venus is held as particularly important for possible ambiguity or fluidity of Inanna’s gender, and even lead to arguments that masculine depictions might be out there: the planet can be described as bearded (Astral Magic…, p. 6). Omens attesting this are most notably listed in the compendium Iqqur īpuš (Erica Reiner, David Pingree, Babylonian Planetary Omens vol. 3, p. 10-11). it should be noted that the planet is referred to only as Dilbat in this context (see ex. Babylonian Planetary…, p. 105 for an example). I’m only aware of two texts where this feature is transferred to the corresponding deity: the syncretic hymn to Nanaya and Ashurbanipal’s hymn to Ishtar of Nineveh. Is the beard really a beard, though? Not necessarily, as it turns out.

The passage from the hymn of Ashurbanipal has been recently discussed by Takayoshi M. Oshima and Alison Acker Gruseke (She Walks in Beauty: an Iconographic Study of the Goddess in a Nimbus, p. 62-63). They point out that ultimately there are no certain iconographic representations of bearded Ishtar. There are a few proposed ones on cylinder seals but this is a minority position relying on doubtful exegesis of every strand of hair in sight; no example has anything resembling the “classic” Mesopotamian beard. I’ll return to this problem in a bit.

In any case, the authors of the aforementioned paper argue the key to interpreting the passage is the fact that the reference to the beard (or rather beards in the plural) occurs in an enumeration of strictly astral, luminous characteristics, like being “clothed in brilliance” (namrīrī ḫalāpu). Furthermore, they identify a parallel in the Great Hymn to Shamash: the rays of the sun are described as “beards” (ziqnāt), and occur in parallel with “splendor” (šalummatu) and “lights” (namrīrū). Therefore, they assume the “beard” might be a metaphorical term for a ray of light, rather than facial hair. This would match actually attested depictions - in the first millennium BCE, especially in Assyria, images of a goddess surrounded by rays of light or a large halo of sorts are very common.

A goddess surrounded by a halo on a Neo-Assyrian seal (wikimedia commons)

Perhaps most importantly, this interpretation is also confirmed by the astronomical texts which kickstarted the discussion. The phrase ziqna zaqānu, “to have a beard”, is explained multiple times as reflection of an unusual luminosity when applied to Venus. The authors additionally argue that it is possible the use of the term “beard” was originally tied to the triangular portions of the emblems of Inanna and her twin (which indeed represent the luminosity of Venus and the sun) to explain why a plurality of “beards” is relatively common in the discussed descriptions (p. 64).

As I said before, the second example is a hymn to Nanaya. It’s easily one of my favorite works of Mesopotamian literature, and a few years ago it kickstarted my interest in its “protagonist”, but tragically most of it is completely irrelevant to this article. The gist of it is fairly simple: the entire composition is written in first person, and in each strophe Nanaya claims the prerogatives of another deity before reasserting herself: “still I am Nanaya” (Goddesses in Context…, p. 116-117). The “borrowed” attributes vary from abstract cosmic powers to breast size. The deities they are linked with range from the most major members of the pantheon (Inanna, Gula, Ishara, Bau…) through spouses of major deities (Shala, Damkina…) to obscure oddities (Manzat, the personified rainbow); there’s even one who’s otherwise entirely unknown, Šuluḫḫītum (for a full table see Erica Reiner’s A Sumero-Akkadian Hymn of Nanâ, p. 232).

As expected, the strophe relevant to the current topic is the one focused on Inanna, in which Nanaya proudly exclaims “I have a beard (ziqna zaqānu) in Babylon”, in between claiming to have “heavy breasts in Daduni” (Reiner notes this is not actually an attested attribute of Inanna, and suggests the line might be a pun on the name of the city mentioned in it, Daduni, and the word dādu) and appropriating Inanna’s family tree for herself (A Sumero-Akkadian…, p. 233).

A possible late depiction of Nanaya (wikimedia commons)

It needs to be stressed that Nanaya’s gender shows no signs of ambiguity anywhere; quite the opposite, she was the “quintessence of womanhood“ (Olga Drewnowska-Rymarz, Mesopotamian Goddess Nanāja, p. 156). I would argue the most notable case of something along the lines of gender nonconformity in a source focused on her occurs in the sole known example of a love poem starring her and her sparsely attested Old Babylonian spouse Muati. 

Muati is asked to intercede with Nanaya on behalf of a petitioner (Before the Muses…, p. 160), which usually was the role performed of the wife of a major male deity (or by Ninshubur in Inanna’s case; Goddesses in Context…, p. 273). Sadly, despite recently surveying most publications mentioning Muati I haven’t found any substantial discussion of this unique passage, and I’m not aware of any parallels involving other couples where the wife was a more important deity than the husband (like Ninisina and Pabilsag).

A further issue for the beard passage is that Nanaya had no connection to Venus to speak of -  she could be described as luminous, but she was only compared to the sun, the moon, and unspecified stars (Mesopotamian Goddess Nanāja, p. 153-155).

Given that the hymn most likely dates to the early first millennium BCE (Goddesses in Context…, p. 116), yet another problem for the older interpretation is that the city of Babylon at this point in time is probably the single worst place for seeking any sort of gender ambiguity when it comes to Inanna.

After the end of the Kassite period, Babylon became the epicenter of Marduk-centric theological ventures which famously culminated in the composition of Enuma Elish. What is less well known is that as a part of the same process, attempts were made to essentially fuse Bēlet-Bābili (“lady of Babylon”) - the main (but not only) local form of Inanna, regarded as distinct from Inanna of Uruk (the “default” Inanna) - with Zarpanitu (The Pantheon…, p. 75-76). Zarpanitu was effectively the definition of an indistinct spouse of another deity - there’s not much to say about her character other than that she was Marduk’s wife (Goddesses in Context…, p. 92-93). Accordingly, it is hard to imagine that the contemporary “lady of Babylon” would be portrayed as bearded.

During the reign of Nabu-shuma-ishkun in the eighth century BCE an attempt to extend the new dogma to Inanna of Uruk was made, though this was evidently considered too much for contemporary audiences. Multiple sources display varying degrees of opposition to replacement of Inanna in the Eanna by a goddess who didn’t belong there, presumably either Zarpanitu or at the very least Bēlet-Bābili after “Zarpanituification” so severe she no longer bore a sufficient resemblance to her Urukuean colleague (The Pantheon…, p. 76-77). Inanna of Uruk was restored during the reign of Nebuchadnezzar II, who curiously affirmed that her temple was temporarily turned into the sanctuary of an “inappropriate goddess” (The Pantheon…, p. 131). However, the Marduk-centric ventures left a lasting negative impression in Uruk nonetheless, and in the long run lead to quite extreme reactions, culminating in the establishment of an active cult of Anu for the first time, but that’s another story (I might consider covering it in detail if there’s interest).

To go back to the hymn to Nanaya one last time, it’s interesting to note that a single copy seems to substitute ziqna zaqānu for zik-ra-[...], possibly a leftover of zikrāku, “manly”. Takayoshi M. Oshima and Alison Acker Gruseke presume this is only a scribal mistake, since this heavily damaged exemplar is rife with typos in general (She Walks…, p. 63), though I’m curious if perhaps a reference to the military character of Inanna herself or Annunitum was meant. This would line up with evidence from Babylon to a certain degree, since through the first millennium BCE Annunitum was worshiped there in her own temple (Goddesses in Context…, p. 105-106). However, in the light of what is known about this unique variant, it’s best to assume that it is indeed a typo and the hymn simply refers to luminosity. 

While no textual sources earlier (or later, for that matter) than the two hymns discussed above attribute a beard to Inanna (Zainab Bahrani, Women of Babylon. Gender and Representation in Mesopotamia, p. 182), the most commonly cited example of a seal with a supposedly bearded depiction is considerably earlier (Ur III, so roughly 2100 BCE, long before any references to “bearded Venus”). It comes from the Umma area judging from the name and title of its owner, a certain Lu-Igalima, a lumaḫ priest of Ninibgal (“lady of the [temple] Ibgal”, ie. Inanna’s temple in Umma). However, Julia M. Asher-Greve  points out that the beard is likely to be a strand of hair, since contemporary parallels supporting this interpretation are available, for example a seal of a priest of Inanna from Nippur, Lugalengardu. Furthermore, she notes that the seal cutter was seemingly inexperienced, since the detail is all around dodgy, for example Inanna’s foot seems to be merged with the head of the lion she stands on (Goddesses in Context…, p. 208). Looking at the two images side by side, I think this is a compelling argument, since the beard doesn’t really look like, well, a typical Mesopotamian beard, while the hairdo on the Nippur seal is indeed similar:

Both images are screencaps from Goddesses in Context, p. 403; reproduced here for educational purposes only.

While I think the beard-critical arguments are sound, this is not the only possible kind of depiction of Inanna argued to reflect the fluidity of gender attributed to the planet Venus.

Paul-Alain Beaulieu notes that an inscription of Nebuchadnezzar with a dedication to Inanna of Uruk she might be called both the lamassu, ie. “protective goddess”, of Uruk and šēdu, ie. “protective genius”, of Eanna; the latter is an invariably masculine term. However, it is not entirely clear if the lamassu and šēdu invoked here are both really a partially masculine Ishtar, since there’s a degree of ambiguity involved in the concept of protective deity or deities of a temple - while there’s evidence for outright identification with the main deity of a given house of worship, they could also be separate, though closely related, and Beaulieu ultimately remains uncertain which option is more plausible here (The Pantheon…, p. 137-138). He also points out that there’s some late evidence for apotropaic figures with two faces, male and female, which were supposed to represent a šēdu+lamassu pair, but rules out the possibility that these have anything to do with Ishtar, since two faces are virtually never her attribute (The Pantheon…, p. 137).  There is a single possible exception from this rule, but it’s an outlier so puzzling it’s hard to count it. A single Neo-Assyrian text from Nineveh (KAR 307) describes Ishtar of Nineveh (there is a reason why I abstain from using the name Inanna here, as you’ll see later) as four-eyed, which Beaulieu suggests might mean the deity had a male face and a female face. The same source also states that Ishtar of Nineveh is Tiamat and has “upper parts of Bel” and “lower parts of Ninlil”, though (The Pantheon…, p. 137), so it’s probably best not to think of it too much - Tiamat is demonstrably not a figure of much importance in general, let alone in the context of Inanna-centric considerations.

The same text has been interpreted differently by Wilfred G. Lambert. He concludes that it’s ultimately probably an esoteric Enuma Elish commentary and that it might have been cobbled together by a scribe from snippers of unrelated, contradictory sources (Babylonian Creation Myths, p. 245). If correct, this would disprove Beaulieu’s proposal, since the four eyes would simply reflect the description of Marduk (Bel) in EE (tablet I, line 55: “Four were his eyes, four his ears”). I lean towards Lambert’s interpretation myself; the reference to Tiamat is the strongest argument, outside EE and derived commentaries she was basically a non-entity. I’ll go back to the topic of Ishtar of Nineveh later, though - there is a slim possibility that two faces might really be meant, though this would take us further away from Inanna, all the way up to ancient Anatolia.

As a final curiosity it’s worth pointing out that while this is entirely unrelated to the discussed matter, KAR 307 is also the same text which (in)famously states Tiamat has the form of a dromedary. As odd as that sounds, it’s much easier to explain when you realize that the Akkadian term for this animal, when broken down to individual logograms, could be interpreted as “donkey of the sea” - and Tiamat’s name was derived from the ordinary Akkadian word “sea” (Babylonian Creation…, p. 246).

The Red Lady of Heaven, my king

While both the bearded and two faced Inannas are likely to be mirages, this doesn’t mean the dual gender of Venus was not reflected in the world of gods. The result was a bit more complex than the existence of a male Inanna, though.

In addition to being Inanna’s astral attribute, Venus simultaneously could be personified under the name Ninsianna. Ninsianna could be treated as a title of Inanna - this is attested for example in a hymn from the reign of Iddin-Dagan of Isin  - but unless explicitly stated, should be treated as a separate deity. This is evident especially in sources from Larsa, where the two were worshiped entirely separately from each other (Goddesses in Context…, p. 92).

Ninsianna’s name can be literally translated as “red lady of heaven” (Goddesses in Context…, p. 86), though as I already explained earlier, nin is actually gender neutral - “red lord of heaven” is theoretically equally valid. And, as a matter of fact, it is necessary to employ the latter translation in some cases - an inscription of Rim-Sin I refers to Ninsianna with the firmly masculine title lugal, “king” (Wolfgang Heimpel, Ninsiana, p. 488). 

It seems safe to say that in Ninsianna’s case we’re essentially dealing with a deity who truly was like Venus. Timothy D. Leonard stresses that while frequently employed in past scholarship, the labels “hermaphroditic” and “androgynous” do not describe the phenomenon accurately. What the sources actually present is a deity who switches between a male form and a female one (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 226). In other words, if we are to apply a contemporary label, it seems optimal to say Ninsianna was perceived as genderfluid.

Interestingly, though, it seems that Ninsianna’s gender varied by location as well (Goddesses in Context…, p. 92). The worship of feminine Ninsianna is attested for example in Nippur (Goddesses in Context…, p. 101) and Uruk (Goddesses in Context…, p. 126), masculine - in Sippar-Amnanum, Girsu and Ur (Ninsiana, p. 488-489). No study I went through speculated what the reasons behind this situation might have been. Was Ninsianna’s gender locally viewed as less flexible than the discussed theological texts indicate? Were specific sanctuaries dedicated only to a specific aspect of this deity - only the “morning” Ninsianna or “evening” Ninsianna? For the time being these questions must remain unanswered in most cases. 

There’s a single case where the preference for feminine Ninsianna was probably influenced by an unparalleled haphazard theological innovation, though - in Isin in the early second millennium BCE the local dynasty lost control over Uruk, and as a result access to royal legitimacy granted symbolically by Inanna. To remedy that, the tutelary goddess of their capital was furnished with similar qualifications through a leap of logic relying on one hand on the close association between Inanna and Ninsianna, and on the other on the phonetic (but not etymological) similarity between the names of Ninisina and Ninsianna (Goddesses in Context…, p. 86). As far as I know, this did not influence the perception of Ninisina’s gender in any shape or form, though.

An interesting extension of the phenomenon of Ninsianna’s gender is this deity’s association with an even more enigmatic figure, Kabta. Only two things can be established about Kabta with certainty: that they were an astral deity, and that they were associated in some way with Ninsianna; even their gender is uncertain (Wilfred G. Lambert, Kabta, p. 284).

It might be worth pointing out that as a result Kabta and Ninsianna seem to constitute the first case of a Mesopotamian deity of variable (Ninsianna) or uncertain (Kabta) gender being referred to with a neutral pronoun in an Assyriological publication - Ryan D. Winters’ commentary on their entries in a variety of god lists employs a singular they (An = Anum…, p. 34):

Wilfred G. Lambert argued that the two were spouses (Kabta, p. 284). More recently the same point has been made by Winters based on Kabta’s placement after Ninsianna in An = Anum, and directly before Dumuzi in an Old Babylonian forerunner of this list (An = Anum…, p. 22). However, I feel obliged to point out that An = Anum, which fairly consistently identifies spouses as such, does not actually specify the nature of the connection between the two. Once the enumeration of Ninsianna’s names finishes, the list simply switches to Kabta’s (An = Anum…, p. 170). 

In another god list, which is rather uncreatively referred to as “shorter An = Anum” due to sharing the first line with its more famous “relative” but lacking its sheer scope, names of Kabta are listed among designations for Inanna’s astral forms, which would have interesting implications for the nature of the supposed relationship between them and Ninsianna (An = Anum…, p. 34). Furthermore, as noted by Jeremiah Peterson, both of them, as well as Kabta’s alternate name Maḫdianna and a further astral deity, Timua, are also glossed as Ištar kakkabi - in this case according to him likely a generic moniker “goddess of the star” as opposed to “Ishtar of the star” - in a variety of lexical lists (God Lists from Old Babylonian Nippur, p. 58). 

In the light of the somewhat confusing evidence summarized above, further inquiries into both Kabta’s character and the nature of the connection between them and Ninsianna are definitely necessary. Assuming that they were spouses, how did theologians who adhered to this view deal with them also being treated as two manifestations of one being instead (I suppose you could easily put a romantic spin on that, to be fair)? Did Kabta’s gender change alongside Ninsianna’s, or perhaps following a different scheme, or was this a characteristic they lacked? Unless new sources emerge, this sadly must remain the domain of speculation.

Ninsianna’s fluid gender also has to be taken into account while discussing one further deity, Pinikir. The discovery of a fragmentary god list in Emar made it possible to establish the latter was regarded as the Hurrian equivalent of the former (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 224; note that there seems to be a typo here, the list is identified as An = Anum but it’s actually the Weidner god list). This deity similarly was understood as a personification of Venus (Piotr Taracha, Religions of Second Millennium Anatolia, p. 99) and was in a certain capacity associated with Inanna - however, as it will become evident pretty quickly these weren’t the only analogies with Ninsianna.

Despite appearing in Emar in Hurrian context, Pinikir actually originated to the east of Mesopotamia, in Elam (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 223). Her name cannot yet be fully explained due to imperfect understanding of Elamite, but it is clear that the suffix -kir is feminine and means “goddess” (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 237; cf. the not particularly creatively named Kiririsha, “great goddess”). Sources from Anatolia recognize Pinikir as an Elamite deity, though direct transfer from one end of the “cuneiform world” to the other is unlikely (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 236). Most likely, Hurrians received Pinikir through Mesopotamian intermediaries in the late third or early second millennium BCE, and later introduced this deity further west (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 237). We know Mesopotamians were aware of her thanks to the god list Anšar = Anum, where the name occurs among what may or may not be an enumeration of deities regarded as Inanna’s foreign counterparts (An = Anum…, p. 36). For the time being it is not possible to track this process directly, though - it’s all educated guesswork.

While as far as I am aware none of the few Elamite sources dealing with Pinikir provide much theological information about her, and none hint at her gender being anything but feminine, Hurro-Hittite texts from Anatolia indicate that at least in this context, like Ninsianna in Mesopotamia, she came to be seen as a genderfluid deity, sometimes counted among gods, sometimes among goddesses (Gary Beckman, The Goddess Pirinkir and her Ritual from Ḫattuša (CTH 644), p. 25). Firmly feminine Pinikir occurs in a ritual text (KUB 34.102) which refers to her in Hurrian as Allai-Pinikir, “lady Pinikir”; interestingly this is the only case where she is provided with an epithet in any Anatolian source (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 211). However, there are examples of ritual texts where Pinikir is listed among male deities (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 229). He is also depicted in the procession of gods in the famous Yazilikaya sanctuary in a rather striking attire:

I know, I know, the state of preservation leaves much to be desired (wikimedia commons) This isn’t just any masculine clothing - the outfit is only shared with two other figures depicted in this sanctuary, the sun god Shimige and the Hittite king (The Goddess Pirinkir…, p. 25-26):

Shimige (left; wikimedia commons) and the king (right; also wikimedia commons)

Piotr Taracha argues that it reflects the attire worn by the Hittite king when he fulfilled his religious duties (Religions of…, p. 89); Pinikir’s isn’t identical - it’s only knee length, like the more standard masculine garments - but the skullcap is pretty clearly the same. He is also winged, which is a trait only shared with the moon god and one more figure (more on them in a bit), and likely reflects celestial associations (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 211). All the same traits are also preserved on a small figurine of Pinikir from the collection of the MET:

A much better preserved masculine Pinikir (MET)

It’s therefore probably safe to say that the male form had a fairly consistent iconography, which furthermore was patterned on what probably was an archetypal image of masculinity to Hurro-Hittite audiences. The king, whose appearance is reflected in Pinikir’s iconography, was, after all, supposed to be not just any man, but rather the foremost example of idealized masculinity (Mary R. Bachvarova, Wisdom of Former Days: The Manly Hittite King and Foolish Kumarbi, Father of the Gods, p. 83-84).

Since we started this section with beards, we may as well end with them - I feel obliged to point out that no matter how clearly described as masculine, neither Ninsianna nor Pinikir were ever described (let alone depicted) as bearded. 

It is difficult for me to estimate to which degree the information about the genderfluidity of Ninsianna and Pinikir can be used to elucidate in which way the association with Venus influenced the perception of Inanna’s gender. However, it seems safe to say the focus on secondary physical characteristics made some authors miss the forest for the trees. I’ll leave it as an open question whether Inanna could be interpreted similarly to her even more Venusian peers, but I’m fairly sure that a metaphorical beard is unlikely to have anything to do with the answer.

Excursus: “the masculinity and femininity of Shaushka”, or when an Ishtar is not Ishtar

Bringing up the masculine Pinikir, and the matter of possible genderfluidity of deities in Mesopotamia and nearby areas, makes it necessary to also discuss Shaushka. The two of them appear mere two lines apart in Anšar = Anum  (An = Anum…, p. 36), though they were not closely associated with each other - rather, they were both deities associated with Inanna who happened to belong to the same cultural milieu.

Mx. Worldwide: the transmission of Shaushka across the cuneiform world

Shaushka was originally the tutelary deity of Nineveh, but the attestations span almost the entire “cuneiform world” - from Nineveh in the north to Lagash in the south, from Hattusa in the west, through Ugarit and various inland Syrian cities all the way up to Arrapha in the east. There are simply too many of them to cover everything here.

The oldest known reference to Shaushka (which doubles as the first reference to the city of Nineveh) occurs in a text from the Ur III period. It’s not very thrilling - it’s only an administrative text mentioning the offering of a sheep made on behalf of the king of the Ur III state (Gary Beckman, Ištar of Nineveh Reconsidered, p. 1). The earliest sources render the name as Shausha; the infix -k- which only starts to appear consistently later on is presumed to be an honorific, or less plausibly a diminutive (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 55-56). Either way, it is agreed it can be translated simply as “the great one” (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 56) - a pretty apt description of its bearer.

Ur III attestations of Shaushka are sparse otherwise: a textile offering in Umma (possibly a garment for a statue), a handful of theophoric names like Ur-Shausha and Geme-Shausha in Lagash, and that’s basically it (Tonia Sharlach, Foreign Influences on the Religion of the Ur III Court, p. 106). Still, it’s probably safe to say it’s one of the examples of a broader pattern of interest in Hurrian religion evident in the courtly documents from this period, and in the appointment of a number of Hurrian diviners to relatively prestigious positions. Whether such experts might have influenced the introduction of Shaushka and other Hurrian deities who entered lower Mesopotamia roughly at the same time (for example Allani from Zimudar or Shuwala from Mardaman) remains an open question (Foreign Influences…, p. 111-114).

A degree of equivalence between Shaushka and Inanna was already recognized in the early second millennium BCE, as evidenced by a tablet from the northern site of Shusharra dated to the reign of Shamshi-Adad which records an offering made to “Ishtar of Nineveh” (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 58). However, it might have happened as early as half a millennium earlier, during the Sargonic period - Gary Beckman suggests the identification between the two might have initially occurred simply due to the importance assigned to Inanna by rulers of the Akkadian Empire (Ištar of Nineveh…, p. 2). 

Furthermore, a number of later Mesopotamian lexical lists label Shaushka as “Ishtar of Subartu” - a common designation for the core Hurrian areas (Ištar of Nineveh…, p. 2). Meanwhile, Hurrians and cultures influenced by them used the name Ishtar as a logogram to represent Shaushka (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 46). Furthermore, they placed Shaushka in Uruk in an adaptation of the Epic of Gilgamesh (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 125). One is forced to wonder if perhaps from the Hurrian interpreter’s perspective Inanna was some sort of foreign Shaushka ersatz, not the other way around.

Despite Shaushka’s origin in the Hurrien milieu of northernmost part of Mesopotamia, the bulk of attestations actually come from Hittite Anatolia (Ištar of Nineveh…, p. 2). Kizzuwatna, a kingdom in southeastern Anatolia, was the middleman in this transmission (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 95). The earliest evidence for Hittite reception of Shaushka is an oracle text from either the late fifteenth or early fourteenth century BCE (Ištar in Ḫatti, p. 84). However, save for the capital, Hattusa, no major cities were ever identified as cult centers of this deity, and they were seemingly worshiped largely within the southern and eastern periphery of the Hittite empire (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 94). Most of the ritual texts Shaushka appears in accordingly appear to have Kizzuwatnean, or at least broadly Hurrian, background (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 87).

Is non-astral genderfluidity possible, or what’s up with Shaushka’s gender?

Probably the most fascinating aspect of Shaushka’s character is the apparent coexistence of a female and a male form of this deity. The best known example of this phenomenon are the Yazilikaya reliefs, where a masculine form, with unique attributes including a robe leaving one leg exposed and wings, marches with the gods (with the handmaidens Ninatta and Kulitta - more on them later - in tow) while a caption accompanying a damaged relief indicates a feminine one was originally depicted in the procession of identically depicted goddesses (The Splintered Divine…, p. 75).

Masculine Shaushka (right) accompanied by Ninatta and Kulitta (wikimedia commons)

A restoration of the procession of goddesses, including feminine Shaushka (wikimedia commons)

A number of epithets applied to Shaushka were similarly explicitly feminine, for instance Hurrian “lady of Nineveh” (allai Ninuwawa) and Hittite “woman of that which is repeatedly spoken” (taršikantaš MUNUS-aš), implicity something like “woman of incantations” (Ištar of Nineveh…, p. 5); magic was apparently understood as a particular competence of this deity (Ištar of Nineveh…, p. 6). There is even a singular case of an incantation being explicitly attributed to Shaushka (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 98). 

Literary texts, chiefly myths from the so-called Kumarbi cycle, generally portray Shaushka as feminine too, and more as a love deity (to be precise, as something along the lines of a heroic equivalent of a femme fatale) rather than as a warlike one (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 85). Mary R. Bachvarova tentatively suggests that a reference to possibly masculine Shaushka might be present in the first of its parts, Song of Going Forth (also known as Song of Kumarbi), which mentions a deity of uncertain gender designated by the logogram KA.ZAL, “powerful”, which she argues has the same meaning as Shaushka’s name (Wisdom of Former…; p. 95 for the text itself, p. 106 for commentary). However, I’m not aware of any subsequent studies adopting this view.

Regardless of the contents of the literary texts available to us presently, Shaushka is explicitly counted among male deities in CTH 712. The enumeration in this ritual text also includes the “femininity and masculinity” of this deity. The male form of Pinikir is there too, though without a separate entry dedicated to any of his attributes or characteristics (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 219). Another example might be less direct: two descriptions of depictions of Shaushka use the terms “helmeted” (kurutawant), which referred to headwear worn by gods, as opposed to “veiled” (ḫupitawant), which referred to the typical headwear of goddesses. This lines up with the relief of masculine Shaushka from Yazilikaya (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 300).

A detail I haven’t seen brought up in any discussion of Shaushka’s gender which I personally think might be relevant to this topic is that their name occurs as a theophoric element both in feminine and masculine Hurrian theophoric names, which is otherwise entirely unheard of. Hurrians evidently were more rigid than Mesopotamians when it comes to theophoric elements in given names, as goddesses occur only in names of women and gods in names of men (Gernot Wilhelm, Name, Namengebung D. Bei den Hurritern, p. 125). 

Interestingly, Hittite sources pertaining to Shaushka offer a parallel to the “genderbending” curse formulas as well (My Men Have…, p. 363-364; note they are actually slightly earlier than the Assyrian examples). In a few cases, including a prayer and military oaths, this deity is implored to deprive foreign adversaries of the Hittite empire of their masculinity and courage, to take away their weapons, and to make them dress like women (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 90).

How did this aspect of Shaushka’s character develop? I’d assume that in contrast with Ninsianna and Pinikir, the influence of astronomical ideas about Venus can probably be ruled out. Beckman stresses that at least in Anatolian context Shaushka was evidently not an astral deity (Ištar of Nineveh…, p. 7). Timothy D. Leonard argues that the wings, which only the male form possesses, likely reflect a celestial role, but he doesn’t explore the point further (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 211). However, he notes that only Pinikir is explicitly identified with Venus in Hurro-Hittite sources, and presumably fulfilled the role of personification of this astral body alone (p. 225). 

Leonard argues that it cannot be established with certainty whether Shaushka  was perceived as capable of taking both male and female forms, as existing simultaneously as a male and female deity (with two bodies, presumably), or if they should be regarded as androgynous. However, he notes that there is no evidence for the recognition of any sort of nonbinary identity in known Hittite sources - so at least implicitly, he assumes the gender of both of the forms would need to be binary (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 298). 

It needs to be noted that the validity of applying the label “androgynous” to Shaushka has already been questioned all the way back in 1980(!) - in the first detailed study of Shaushka’s character and cult ever published, Ilse Wegner argued that in both visual arts and literary texts they are presented either as feminine or masculine, but never is their gender ambiguous (Gestalt und Kult der Ištar-Šawuška in Kleinasien, p. 47). Frans Wiggermann argues that KAR 307, which I already discussed and which describes a single figure with both masculine and feminine traits, might be related to depictions of Shaushka (Mischwesen A…, p. 237; thus I suppose the text would deal with an Ishtar, not with Inanna slash Ishtar herself) but this would quit obviously at best constitute a late exception which could be attributed to very vague familiarity with the deity. 

In addition to the options discussed by Leonard, a further interpretation present in scholarship is possibility is that Shaushka might have been seen primarily as a goddess, but performed a male role in specific context, to be precise when portrayed as a warlike deity (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 301) - in other words, that we are dealing with a similar phenomenon as in the case of Inanna. For instance, Wegner assumed Shaushka was essentially female, and the masculine portrayals merely reflect adoption of masculine-coded character traits and attributes as opposed to actual transformation into a male figure (p. 47-48). Gary Beckman similarly suggests that Shaushka was a goddess, and that the male form, which he likewise considers to be a military aspect, was interpreted as crossdressing, as opposed to an actual shift in gender (Shawushka, p. 1). Leonard accepts the possibility that the male form might reflect the fact that warfare was seen as an exclusively masculine pursuit in Anatolia, though since there are multiple sources where goddesses whose gender never shifted in any way appear on the battlefield he stresses it’s not impossible such gender norms did not necessarily apply to deities (Ištar in Ḫatti, p. 299-300).

Out of all the possible interpretations I personally find the possibility that Shaushka was imagined to shift between a male and a female deity to be the most convincing - in other words, that they were viewed as genderfluid, similarly to Ninsianna, though almost definitely for different, presently impossible to determine, reasons. However, since the matter is far from settled, I opted to generally use neutral forms across this section of the article - I hope this doesn’t make it too confusing. Can any of the information pertaining to Shaushka be applied to Inanna as well? I don’t really think so. For starters, no source goes out of its way to depict a feminine and a masculine form of Inanna in the same location, so I would argue that it is significant this is something attested for her counterpart - a sign that the latter’s masculine identity was more pronounced. Note that this is only my personal impression, though, and it might not fully hold to academic scrutiny, not to mention that the emergence of new sources might invalidate it.

Beyond Inanna: Shaushka’s other connections

While I focused on the connection between Shaushka and Inanna, it’s necessary to point out that the former was more than just a “foreign counterpart”. As a deity worshiped for well over a millennium, they amassed their own complex network of deities - often completely distinct from Inanna. For instance, it’s hard to find a parallel to Shaushka’s position as the sibling (and, in myths, main ally) of the head of the Hurrian pantheon, Teshub (not least because he represented a somewhat different model of a head god than Mesopotamian Enlil and Anu). However, to do this matter justice I’d basically need a separate article. Due to the scope of this treatment of Shaushka, I will limit myself only to a small number of figures they were associated with - either because they have something to do with their gender, or because they are additionally in one way or another connected to Inanna.

In Hittite context, Shaushka came to be closely associated with an Anatolian deity, Anzili (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 112). Since the latter’s character is poorly known (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 113), the reasoning behind the equivalence between them is opaque (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 119). Timothy D. Leonard tentatively proposes that Anzili’s name might be grammatically masculine and that it originally designated a god who later came to be seen as a goddess (as reflected in available sources), or that similarly as in the case of Shaushka both a male and a female form could be attributed to them (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 117). 

Untangling this problem is complicated further by the fact that Anzili’s name is used simply as a Hittite translation of Shaushka in both ritual and literary texts in which the deity of Nineveh is undeniably meant, down to being explicitly referred to with titles pertaining to this city - where Anzili obviously wasn’t actually worshiped (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p.120-121). Through the association with Shaushka, Anzili’s name even got to be used to translate the name of their Mesopotamian counterpart a few times - the Hittite translation of King of Battle, the most famous epic about Sargon of Akkad, refers to his divine backer as… “Anzili of Akkad” (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 125). Ultimately the translation was not entirely consistent, though, and texts written in Hittite where Shaushka’s name is nonetheless rendered phonetically, leaving no possibility that it was translated as Anzili, are also known (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 126).

Next to Inanna and Anzili, the deities probably the most commonly associated with Shaushka were their handmaidens Ninatta and Kulitta (Ištar of Nineveh…, p. 6). They could be portrayed as divine musicians (Gestalt und Kult…, p. 78), but also as warlike deities (John MacGinnis, The Gods of Arbail, p. 109). Ilse Wegner went as far as suggesting the phrase “right weapon of Shaushka” was an apposition of the pair, though that’s obviously speculative (Gestalt und Kult…, p. 79). 

Further information about their role is provided in a hymn to Shaushka (CTH 717). They are grouped in it with two other handmaidens, Šintal-irti (“seven-tongues”) and Ḫamra-zunna. The four of them are supposed to look after households which Shaushka views favorably, so that their inhabitants can live in harmony. Meanwhile, four other handmaidens, Ali, Ḫalzari, Taruwi and Šinanda-dukarni, are entrusted with making people in households which Shaushka resents quarrel with each other (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 120-122). It has been argued that this reflects the two aspects of Shaushka’s character - as a love deity in the case of the first four handmaidens, and as a warlike one in the case of the second group (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 123) - but I am skeptical if this can be easily reconciled with the fact Ninatta and Kulitta appear with them no matter which side of them is in the spotlight. 

Ninatta and Kulitta also represent probably the strongest case of Shaushka leaving a mark on their Mesopotamian counterpart. In the Neo-Assyrian period, they appear as members of the entourage of the latter not only in Nineveh, but also in Arbela and Assur under “Akkadianized” forms of their names, Ninittu and Kulittu (The Gods of Arbail, p. 109)

While Inanna had an extensive court - something that for mysterious reasons is not acknowledged online or even in publications aimed at general audiences (to use a recent example - even an a-list example like Nanaya comes up less times in Louise Pryke’s Ishtar than Buffy the Vampire Slayer, who, as far as I am aware, is not attested in any cuneiform texts) - I’m not aware of any instance of Ninatta and Kulitta being explicitly identified as counterparts of any of its members, though. Perhaps the fact that some of the cities in which they are attested were originally Hurrian has something to do with it - they weren’t introduced there as new additions, it was the Mesopotamian goddess who was superimposed over their original superior (The Gods of Arbail, p. 112).

Madonna-whore complex and beyond: (the modern reception of) Inanna as a love deity

After the brief detour focused on Shaushka, it is time to go back to Inanna - specifically to the most major aspect of her character I largely left out before, her association with love and all that entails.

As I already said, the oldest available texts affirming this was one of her prerogatives are younger than these linking her with war, let alone these hinting at her astral role. Regardless of when this aspect of her character first developed, it took until the Ur III period for it to take the center stage (Inanna and Ishtar…, p. 338). Simultaneously, it is by far the most well known today, to the point you often get the impression people barely know there’s more to her. Tonia M. Sharlach notes that even in scholarship there is discussion over whether this aspect of her character isn’t perhaps overestimated to a degree (An Ox of One’s Own. Royal Wives and Religion at the Court of the Third Dynasty of Ur, p. 268). 

At least when it comes to the spread of this misconception online, one is tempted to ask to which degree pretending this is the only thing about Inanna that matters amounts to the need to present her as some sort of demo version of Aphrodite, with limited, if any, concern for Mesopotamia.

None of these phenomena is why I kept it for last, though - even if I do agree that viewing Inanna simply as a “love goddess” is misguided at best. My decision simply reflects the fact that the relevant sources portray Inanna probably at her least gender nonconforming . As argued by Bendt Alster, in some cases in love poetry it would essentially be possible to substitute her and Dumuzi for an average young human couple without the need to make any adjustments (Sumerian Love Songs, p. 78).  Ultimately, these works reflect fairly normative ideas of courtship, romance and sex, though with a clear female focus (Frans Wiggermann, Sexuality A. In Mesopotamia, p. 412). The portrayal of love and eroticism in them has been described as “playful”, in contrast with the more blunt genres like potency incantations, or even with portrayal of sex in myths like Enki and Ninhursag (Jerrold S. Cooper, Gendered Sexuality in Sumerian Love Poetry, p. 92-94). Many of them are honestly an enjoyable read, as long as you are willing to engage with heavy use of assorted metaphors in descriptions of sex (date syrup, lettuce and agricultural activities are particularly abundant). Here is a fairly representative example:

The Song of the Lettuce (ETCSL)

There isn’t really much to say beyond that - they’re a fascinating topic in their own right, but they are largely irrelevant for the matter this article investigates.

Frans Wiggermann, an author whose work I generally value highly, made the peculiar argument that erotic poetry in which Inanna is the more active side and her goal is sexual gratification might reflect attribution of masculine traits to her and proceeded to argue every depiction of sex where the woman tops is ought to be related to this phenomenon (Sexuality A…, p. 417-418). He simultaneously raises an interesting point that these representations of Inanna might have been supposed to justify sex without the aim of reproduction. It is unclear to me how it would “allow minorities a place under the sun”, though (p. 418), as the sex scenes in relevant compositions are invariably straight.

While I am unsure about some aspects of Wiggermann’s argument, I should stress that I think it was made in good faith. Sadly this can’t be said about much of the other scholarship pertaining to Inanna and sexuality, and especially the intersection of the topic of sexuality and gender.  This matter has been investigated in depth by Zainab Bahrani in the early 2000s already. She argues that publications which overestimate the ambiguity of Inanna’s gender (which typically employ hardly applicable labels like “hermaphrodite”; she singles out Rivkah Harris’ Inanna-Ishtar as Paradox and a Coincidence of Opposites and Brigitte Groenberg’s Die sumerisch-akkadische Inanna/Ištar: Hermaphroditos? as relatively recent examples), in particular while emphasizing her erotic character, are essentially a leftover a fear of nefarious seductresses common in popular culture of fin-de-siècle Europe, for example in symbolist paintings (Women of Babylon…, p. 146).

Jen Delville's The Idol of Perversity, a fairly standard example of the sort of symbolist painting Bahrani meant, a representation of the fear of "unquenched bestial desires of a woman" (wikimedia commons)

I think it’s also a valid point that traits like assertiveness or a quick temper could very well be assigned to a femme fatale, and are not necessarily an indication of any ambiguity of gender (Women of Babylon…, p. 144), though I don’t think every aspect of Inanna’s characters needs to be subsumed under the erotic, and recent publications focused on her military role and its intersection with gender are much more nuanced, as you could see for yourself earlier.

Bahrani also highlights that publications she criticizes - both historical and modern - treat transsexuality, crossdressing and various adjacent phenomena and (male) homosexuality as basically one and the same (Women of Babylon…, p. 145; I will come back to this). However, I feel she falls into this trap herself to a small degree when it comes to women, as she appears to link the dubious Inanna scholarship  overestimating the ambiguity of her gender and the phenomenon of various femme fatale figures being portrayed as bisexual for voyeuristic purposes, and to Orientalist art at the very least implying lesbian activities (Women of Babylon…, p. 146). I am not aware of any actual publication dealing with Inanna or relevant phenomena (of any quality) which would go into this direction, though.

I also disagree with treating Inanna as unique compared to other goddesses just because she is not primarily portrayed as a wife or mother (Women of Babylon…, p. 149) - the median Mesopotamian goddess was a personification of a profession or the interests of a city or both, arguably; major members of the pantheon like Nanshe, Nisaba, Ninmug, Nungal or numerous medicine goddesses were hardly defined by either of these two roles, even if they could be, indeed, portrayed as wives or mothers in a capacity Inanna was not.

Most importantly, I disagree with invoking Freud and his disciples (positively, for clarity) to bolster arguments (Women of Babylon…, p. 153-154).

Still, I do think the core concerns raised by Bahrani are more than sound. The next section will sadly make that painfully clear.

Sexualization of lamenting

The validity of some of Bahrani’s criticism is pretty evident just based on the survey of past literature on the matter of the assinnu (The Misconstructed Role…, p. 83-84), a type of religious specialist or performer who you already met earlier in the subsection of this article dedicated to military curses. It would appear that the authors most keen on far reaching speculations about their gender identity and sexuality are probably some of the least qualified to deal with this matter, and lo and lo and behold, typically blur together being gay, nonbinary and any form of gender nonconformity. 

Furthermore, even though texts from Mari explicitly link the assinnu with Annunitu (The Misconstructed Role…, p. 94) - the single most straightforwardly warlike Inanna-ish deity of them all, whose very name, “the skirmisher”, refers to combat - a peculiar obsession with rendering their role into something innately sexual (or rather lascivious) just because of their association with Inanna, appears to be a distinct trend. It  intersects with the former issue; after all, it is known that anything but being a cis straight person who is a paragon of gender conformity is innately inappropriately (or even “abnormally”, as one of the past evaluations cited by Zsolnay critically put it) sexual.

For what it’s worth, there is some evidence that the assinnu were men who - at least in certain situations - crossdressed and played lyres (The Misconstructed Role…, p. 86). In an Old Babylonian hymn I’ve already mentioned, this is said to take place during a festival which also involved female performers who for this occasion dressed up in a masculine way and carried weapons, who are not described with any specific technical term (The Man is Like…, p. 6). Given the context of this mention, I feel the jury's out on whether this was universal, or merely a specific local festival, especially in the light of other evidence for the activities of the assinnu, though. The participation in a celebration which involved crossdressing could explain why late lexical lists - first examples only come from the Neo-Assyrian period, some 1000 years after the Mariote and Old Babylonian attestations - sometimes offer UR.SAL as the logographic writing of assinnu. This combination of signs can be interpreted in different ways - some probably can be ruled out since they refer to female animals (canines and big cats), not to people; this led to the common interpretation as “feminine man” or “woman-man” based on other sign values. Zsolnay disagrees with it, and tentatively proposes something like “servant of women” (The Misconstructed Role…, p. 85)., though this might be an overabundance of skepticism.

However, Zsolnay’s position might not be entirely unwarranted. She correctly points out lexical lists are not necessarily reliable when it comes to synonyms of technical terms, such as religious titles (The Misconstructed Role…, p. 86). Furthermore, the assinnu seemingly were famous for performing a song titled “Battle is my game, warfare is my game” (mēlilī qablu mēlilī tāḫāzu; presumably purposely a nod to terms often  used to describe Inanna’s warlike characteristics). They also danced the “whirl dance” (gūštu) - which likely also had belligerent connotations, and which quite importantly is the main topic of the poem Agušaya, which entirely focuses on Inanna as a warlike deity (The Misconstructed Role…, p. 93).  Yet more important is the fact that UR.SAL is not the only combination of logograms which could be used to render the term assinnu. The other option, SAG.UR.SAĜ, literally means “foremost hero” - in other words, it does appears to point at some sort of “warlike” or, to be more precise, “heroic” role  (The Misconstructed Role…, p. 85). Zsolnay accordingly concludes that the ordinary role of the assinnu was most likely that of an exaggerated “heroic strongman” performing war dances, and that with time an association between these specialists and festivals associated with the military aspect of Inanna (and similar deities like Annunitum) developed due to obvious similarities (The Misconstructed Role…, p. 98).

Nonetheless, just due to the association with Inanna combined with possibly vaguely gender nonconforming behavior (I will not attempt to evaluate whether it was a staple of their activities or only one of the celebrations they took part with), they came to be described in questionable scholarship as “temple prostitutes” (not an actually attested insitution, though it is evident we are dealing with a multi level conflation of crossdressing, being gay or trans, and sex work based on quotes from previous studies provided) whose very existence simultaneously must have terrified the general populace (The Misconstructed Role…, p. 85). 

I feel obliged to point out in a footnote Zsolnay states that after finishing her article she was informed by a reviewer similar conclusions about assinnu have been independently reached by Julia Assante in Bad Girls and Kinky Boys? The Modern Prostituting of Ishtar, Her Clergy and Her Cults. Sadly, while I am quite sympathetic to the latter author’s valiant struggle against the myth of “sacred prostitution” and related problems, her methodology is much more flawed than Zsolnay’s, and at times it feels like she herself falls into some of the pitfalls she correctly points out in other studies. I also feel obliged to warn you that for reasons uncertain to me, Assante at some point in the 2010s abandoned academic work and became a medium. Therefore, I would engage with her publications cautiously, to put it very lightly.

There’s at least one point Assante raises which warrants further consideration, though (even if she phrases it very differently than I would). She notes it is peculiar that any individuals whose gender might have been perceived as non-normative or ambiguous, or whose gender is unclear, are automatically presumed to be AMAB, and the possibility that women might have been gender non-conforming, or that people whose gender identity might have differed from Mesopotamian norms were AFAB, is not considered seriously. As an example, she points out that a passage according to which an enigmatic cultic official, the pilipili, received a weapon “as if she were male” sparked little, if any discussion (Bad Girls…, p. 36). This is definitely agreeable, and if nothing else a good start for further inquiries, considering no detailed studies of the pilipili alone have been conducted, as far as I am aware.

It might be worth noting that in the satirical Old Babylonian literary text The Old Man and the Young Girl the second of the eponymous character tricks her way into temporarily reversing gender norms through a royal court verdict, which prompts her to encourage other women to “behave like the pilipili” to celebrate her victory (Jana Matuszak, A Complete Reconstruction, New Edition and Interpretation of the Sumerian Morality Tale ‘The Old Man and the Young Girl’, p.192-193). While more evidence would be necessary to make a genuinely strong case, the possibility that the pilipili were women perceived as gender non-conforming does seem compelling to me on this basis - so, I suppose, credit to Assante in that regard, even if her treatment of the matter leaves a bit to be desired. It’s worth noting a similar proposal about the identity of the pilipili has recently been advanced by Sophus Helle based on the same passage Assante cited (Enheduana. The Complete Poems of the World's First Author, p. 158).

On a further related note, as a pure curiosity it’s worth mentioning that a single lexical list, Malku, lists the feminine form of assinnu - assinnatum - who never sparked the sort of discussion her counterpart did. It should be noted that this label is explained in this context as a synonym of ugbabtum, a fairly widespread type of priestesses (attestations are spread virtually everywhere from Terqa to Susa) involved in the cults of various deities (The Misconstructed Role…, p. 86). As far as I am aware, this is an isolated example, so for the time being it’s impossible to determine if assinnatum ever designated a distinct class of performers or cultic personnel or if it was a scribal invention. I’ll refrain from any speculation about whether it might have anything to do with the women who appear alongside assinnu in the Old Babylonian hymn discussed earlier.

To go back to the assinnu themselves one last time, a further thing to note is that sometimes far reaching dubious conclusions are drawn based not even on information pertaining to these performers themselves, but rather the gala and an enigmatic class of cultic officials presumably involved in mourning, the kurgarrû. However, while the latter two occur together quite often in literary texts (recall that the two clay beings in Inanna’s Descent bear the names Kurgarra - an obvious variant of kurgarrû - and Galatura, ie. “little gala”; however, note as well that gala also commonly occur alongside ašipu), there is very little evidence for any actual close association between them and assinnu - they only occur side by side in a single literary text, the lament Uru-Amirabi (The Misconstructed Role…, p. 91).

The gala (Akkadian kalû; not to be confused with galla, either literally a “gendarme” or town guard, or a type of demon fulfilling an analogous role in the underworld) themselves warrant some further discussion, as they are probably the most egregious example of the phenomenon discussed in this section of the article.

The primary role of the gala was performing various types of hymns, prayers and laments in emesal, a dialect of Sumerian (Paul Delnero, How To Do Things With Tears. Ritual Lamenting in Ancient Mesopotamia, p. 41). Through the third and second millennia BCE, gala most commonly occur alongside temple singers (nāru), for reasons which should be self explanatory, while in the first millennium BCE - alongside āšipu, a type of exorcist, which reflected the involvement of both groups in scholarship (Uri Gabbay, The kalû Priest and kalûtu Literature in Assyria, p. 116).

The gender identity of the gala is a subject of much debate. It might have been unique to them (in other words, they were nonbinary, with gala being both a professional designation and gender identity) or alternatively they might have been men who engaged in broadly speaking gender nonconforming behavior (How To Do…, p. 109). I am not going to attempt to convince you one option or the other is more plausible, I personally don’t think the matter will ever be possible to fully settle unless texts written by gala themselves going in depth into how they perceived themselves ever emerge. Obviously, we also have to take into account what exactly being a gala entailed varied between time periods and locations.

The only thing that can be said for sure is that the gala were not regarded as women. This seems to be an entirely online misconception, though one with an enormous reach - a post making similar claims garnered some 40k notes on this site recently. Said post also stated that they underwent “gender affirming surgery”; it needs to be noted that the status of the gala - or any other type of clergy - was in fact not attributed to any medical procedure (and I don’t think Magnus Hirschfeld, who pioneered gender affirming surgery and deserves more credit than he gets for it, lived in Early Dynastic Mesopotamia…). Obviously, this is not a denial of the possibility the gala weren’t cis (to put in in modern terms) - but it seems beyond credulous to both claim their identity depended on a medical procedure alone, and to project a fairly recent accomplishment for which a genuinely heroic maverick should be credited into incredibly distant past. I don’t think we need a trans version of “ancient matriarchy” mirages, personally.

However, ultimately the main misconception about gala is that they were “priests of Inanna” - and various mortifying hot takes emerge specifically from that. Especially online, more or less haphazard attempts are made to prove that, despite the plentiful evidence for what being a gala entailed, their role - and the roles of any even just tangentially related religious personnel - was innately sexual, since it was tied to Inanna (we have such choice tidbits as “males who engage in transgendered or prostitute behavior”, courtesy of Patrick Taylor, The Gala and the Gallos, p. 176; unclear to me how these labels are in any shape or form interchangeable). 

To put it bluntly: it seems like to some the fact the gala might have been, broadly speaking, lgbt (or just gender non-conforming) is in itself something sexual, much like the possibly gender nonconforming performance of the assinnu. 

What differentiates this view of the gala from similar faulty opinions about the assinnu is that I think at least online the intent often isn’t malicious - it is not wrong to hope someone in the past was similar (as I understand, the underlying assumption behind many misguided post is that the gala were trans women). However, sadly the underlying motivation of the authors whose takes end up laundered to teenagers online this way is ultimately an example of the same phenomenon which, in a more extreme form, leads to various suspicious groups calling for removal of the tamest possible literature for teenagers from libraries because a gay or trans character appears.

A further problem is that while the assinnu indeed occur chiefly in association with Inanna, the gala were not innately associated with her (and especially not with her sexual side) - referring to them as “priests of Inanna” is a misconception at best, and outright malevolent at worst (in bad faith cases, the logic follows what Bahrani described pretty closely). They were actually present in the cults of numerous deities, most of whom were paragons of gender conformity and had no sexual aspect to speak of - in other words, whatever the identity of the gala was, it was disconnected from the identity of the deity they performed for. Every single major temple dedicated to a city deity had a “chief gala” among its staff. Such an official oversaw the activities of other gala employed by it, but also took part in day to day economic activities of the temple, like managing prebends (How To Do…, p. 110). To go through all of the available evidence would take too much space, so I will only list a handful of particularly notable examples.

There was a “chief gala” among the staff of Ninurta’s main temple Eshumesha in Nippur, as attested in a list of provisions where this official appears next to a “chief singer” (Wolfgang Heimpel, Balang Gods, p. 583). In Old Babylonian Kish another “chief gala” was the second most important religious official in service of Zababa, with only the temple administrator ranking higher (Walther Sallaberger, Zababa, p. 165). A further “chief gala” resided in the temple of Sin in Harran, as attested in sources from the Neo-Assyrian period; the holders of this office were tasked with sending astronomical reports to the kings of Assyria (Steven W. Holloway, Aššur is king! Aššur is king! Religion in the exercise of power in the Neo-Assyrian Empire, p. 409). A “chief gala”, as well as a number of regular gala, were also part of the staff of the temple of Nanshe in NINA (reading uncertain; Tell Zurghul) in the Early Dynastic state of Lagash (Gebhard J. Selz, Untersuchungen zur Götterwelt des altsumerischen Stadtstaates von Lagaš, p. 205-206).

It’s important to note that the arts of the gala and the knowledge transferred among members of this profession - kalûtu - were associated with Ea, not with Inanna; the closest parallel are, once again, the arts of the āšipu (The kalû Priest…, p. 116). However, it would be disingenuous to call them “clergy of Ea” - I’m just highlighting they had no specific connection with Inanna. Stressing the lack of any unique degree of connection between her and the gala is not supposed to be an argument against inquiries into their gender identity, either - though I do advise to be cautious which authors are consulted. 

Maternal obsessions: do deities even follow gender roles?

While I dedicated a lot of space to warnings about questionable motivation behind some arguments pertaining to the gender of Inanna and especially clergy with varying degrees of association with her, it needs to be stressed that there’s a need to be cautious about the exact opposite attitudes too sometimes. While skepticism is generally a virtue in scholarship, it is hard to deny that some of the opposition to inquiries into Inanna’s gender and related matters also has highly questionable motivations behind it. 

For instance, my reservations towards Julia Assante’s article discussed earlier come from the fact that at least some of her criticism is rooted not in valid reasoning, but in what appears to be a degree of homophobia -  for instance, part of her opposition to interpreting cultic officials like the assinnu or gala as gay men (for which the evidence is indeed hardly sufficient - we have evidence for crossdressing in one case, and for either gender nonconformity or a unique gender identity in the other) stems from her conviction that this is an example of “abnormal male sexuality” (Bad Girls…, p. 37). 

Interestingly this is a selective case of homophobia, though, since she simultaneously voices a perfectly valid complaint that earlier scholarship has “not allowed discussion on lesbianism other than to dismiss it” (p. 36; it needs to be noted that in contrast with gay men, direct evidence for lesbians is lacking altogether in cuneiform - see Sexuality A…,  p. 414 for reference to a MLM love incantation and absence of a WLW equivalent - but you’d at least expect some serious inquiry into Ninshubur’s portrayal in literary texts by now). Some examples are even more blunt. For instance, Wolfhang Heimpel, after concluding that references to “bearded” Inanna reflect the perception of the planet Venus as opposed to the deity (which is not too dissimilar from the interpretation I highlighted as plausible earlier) reassures the reader that Inanna was therefore not an “androgynous monster” (A Catalog of Near Eastern Venus Deities, p. 15) - I am somewhat puzzled what exactly would be “monstrous” about facial hair. It’s hard to escape the conclusion that in contrast with the newer study of the same passages which I discussed in detail and have no objections to, it’s not the weakness of the evidence that bothers the author, but the slightest possibility of androgyny.

Not everyone is so direct, though. There are also more insidious cases - and these invariably focus on Inanna herself, as opposed to any religious officials. What I’m talking about are sources which refer to Inanna as a “mother” or “fertility” goddess or some nondescript “divine feminine” entity entirely detached from historical context. As a result Inanna is essentially forced into an incredibly rigid feminine role she never actually fulfilled. I won’t dwell upon the abstract maternal obsession itself much here. I already wrote a separate article a few years ago about its impact, exemplified by the recent portrayal of Inanna as a grotesque pregnancy monster in a certain videogame (this is not an exaggeration) and I think that was enough. It will suffice to say that these visions belong not in Mesopotamia at the dawn of recorded history, but rather in the most feverish depths of Victorian imagination (I won’t explore this topic here; Cynthia Eller’s publications are a good start if you are interested, though). Interestingly, simultaneously sources of this sort basically never investigate Mesopotamian texts which actually focus on motherhood - which is a shame, because compositions such as Ninisina A are filled with genuine warmth. However, they don’t deal with some sort of overwhelming Frazerian ur-mother reduced to bare biological essentials.

To go back to the main topic of this section, the  true crown jewel of the discussed subgenre of Inanna literature has to be this paragraph courtesy of Tzvi Abusch (Ishtar in Dictionary of Deities and Demons in the Bible, p. 453):

One is tempted to ask why Abusch argues Inanna is “incomplete” or exhibits “psychic wounds” due to her character not revolving around being a wife or mother. How about her roles as a war deity, love deity, personified astral body or representation of political interest of one city or another? Roles which are, quite obviously, fully realized? As a war deity, she was believed to assist kings, deprive their enemies of the ability to fight, and to confront various supernatural adversaries like rebellious mountains; as a love deity, she was invoked through love incantations and acted as the archetypal lover in erotic poetry; as Venus, she shone in the sky. 

Should we also question why, for example Tishpak’s roles as a husband and father are not fully realized considering he primarily plays the role of a warrior and divine sovereign of Eshnunna (the human ruler was merely acting as a governor on his behalf, a fairly unique situation otherwise only attested for two other gods)? Very few male gods actually match the image of masculinity presented in Instruction of Shuruppak as an ideal to strive for - just as very few goddesses fit the image of the ideal wife preserved in proverbs.

This is not the first time this comes up in this article, but while the world of gods, and the character of its individual inhabitants, obviously arose in specific historical context, it was not a perfect mirror of the world of humans and its mores  (Do Divine Structures …, p. 105-106). Ilona Zsolnay outright argues that even if some (but not all) of the Mesopotamian deities were at least in part characterized based on normative patterns of behavior tied to them - there are, after all, deities defined at least to a degree by, for example, fatherhood (like Enlil) or marital status (like Aya) - ultimately they were not bound by the same gender norms as humans. Furthermore, religious and political factors, as well as natural phenomena deities could be linked with, influenced their character considerably more (Do Divine Structures …, p. 116).

Granted, it should be noted that Abush is basically writing about an Inanna he made up. As you’ve seen earlier, the first attestations of Inanna already sound fairly similar to her most famous portrayals from later periods. However, he instead argues that the original Inanna lost to time was one of “primitive earth of mother goddesses” and that from the fourth millennium BCE onwards (coincidentally when the first actual attestations of Inanna emerge thanks to the advent of writing) Mesopotamians simply couldn’t grasp her true character (Ishtar, p. 454). The need to portray Inanna as she actually was imagined as some sort of aberration, coupled with a desire to uncover an “original” version which just so happens to conform to an incredibly rigid vision of femininity is quite something. Rarely do you see someone basically recreating the Madonna-whore complex so literally.

Absent parents, ever present children

While as I said I won’t engage in depth with the peculiar obsession with making Inanna into a maternal figure evident in Abusch’s treatment of her, I do feel obliged to cover a related phenomenon: the obsessive focus on the quite rare cases where some minor deities are identified as her children. This is a particularly big problem online, though vintage scholarship and publications aimed at general audiences (even very recent ones) are equally, if not more, guilty of it. 

The nominal assignment of largely irrelevant deities as children to Inanna was ultimately inconsequential, and in particular it had nothing to do with her erotic role - or with Dumuzi, for that matter, as he is never identified as their father (Inanna and Ishtar…, p. 339). Pregnancy, childbirth and maternity are not topics dealt with in compositions focused on the two of them (Gendered Sexuality…, p. 95). 

Only three deities have ever been described as Inanna’s children in primary sources: Shara, Lulal and Nanaya. In every single case caveats apply.

Shara’s connection to Inanna was geographically limited. It wasn’t a pan-Mesopotamian convention to regard them as related, but rather a local tradition restricted to Zabalam (Goddesses in Context…, p. 202). Julia M. Asher-Greve suggests that it might have originally been little more than a way to give Inanna access to the epithet ama, literally “mother” (but metaphorically, as a divine epithet, something like “venerable woman”; Jeremy Black, Songs of the Goddess Aruru, p. 48), which was however primarily used not to indicate motherhood but rather a position of authority in the pantheon (Goddesses in Context…, p. 140).

It’s also important to note that Inanna of Zabalam didn’t really start as (an) Inanna, since the earliest literary text she appears in, the Early Dynastic Zame Hymns from Abu Salabikh, refers to her with the enigmatic name Nin-UM. Joan Goodnick Westenholz assumed that Nin-UM was the original name of the goddess of Zabalam, with the name Inanna (and many of Inanna’s traits) effectively imposed upon her due to the theological and political influence of nearby Uruk (Goddesses in Context…, p. 42-43). Whether this was the case or not, the two are treated as functionally separate deities in god lists (Goddesses in Context…, p. 79-80). 

While this is far from certain, Douglas Frayne proposed that this phenomenon might also be the motif of conflict between Inanna and Gilgamesh, first attested in the standalone poem Gilgamesh and the Bull of Heaven from the Ur III period, and fully developed in the considerably later standard edition of the Epic of Gilgamesh (which might reflect what Paul-Alain Beaulieu described as “anti-Ištar sentiment”; The Pantheon..., p. 108). He assumes that it reflected hostilities between Uruk and Zabalam, with the antagonist actually being Inanna of Zabalam and not Inanna of Uruk (The Struggle for Hegemony in "Early Dynastic II" Sumer, p. 63-64). In any case, the connection with Shara cannot be taken out of context and applied where it is not explicitly mentioned.

The other most frequently cited case, that of Lulal, is even weaker than Shara’s. He is addressed as Inanna’s son exactly once, in a fragmentary hymn published in the 1960s (Anna Glen, Jeremiah Peterson, The Lulal širgida Composition CBS 12590 (HAV 5, pl. 7, VIII), p. 169) - so he has an equally firm claim to being her son as the personified Styx has to being Persephone’s mother. In Inanna’s Descent, the composition most often “enriched” today with forcible assertions of familial bonds between Inanna and miscellaneous side characters, the connection between them is merely “close, but unspecified” (Wilfred G. Lambert, Lulal/Lātarāk, p. 163). Anna Glen and Jeremiah Peterson assume he is an attendant, not a family member, and point out elsewhere (Inanna D, line 32) he is portrayed only as a minor warrior god acting on her behalf (The Lulal širgida…, p. 169). An annotated edition of the Weidner god list equates Lulal with Sin (Klaus Wagensonner, CCP 6.7.A - Weidner’s God List A) which, as it will become clear very soon, creates some issues for claims of widespread acceptance of his status as Inanna’s son.

The third deity sporadically addressed as Inanna’s child was Nanaya. In contrast with both Shara and Lulal, she was actually a major figure in her own right, and her connection with Inanna is attested in various cities and time periods. Ironically enough I don’t think I’ve ever seen her described as her daughter online, though. I suspect the explanation is fairly straightforward: she doesn’t appear in the “canon” of shoddy vintage translations of a small handful of texts on which the online image of Inanna often seems to be built.

However, the fact Nanaya had a firm connection to Inanna doesn’t mean undue importance should be assigned to the cases where they are presented specifically as mother and daughter. Only three sources actually refer to them this way: an inscription of king Lipit-Ishtar, a first millennium recension of an older balag song, and a unique oath formula. Olga Drewnowska-Rymarz assumes the relation described in them might very well be metaphorical (Mesopotamian Goddess Nanāja, p. 30).It would not be hard to find parallels proving this is a distinct possibility: Ninshubur was demonstrably not Inanna’s mother, and yet she addresses her as such as a sign of respect in at least one composition. Ninshubur herself has no known parentage, and yet refers to every high ranking god as “father” in Inanna’s Descent. The examples of using terms of kinship as an indication of respect or closeness are numerous.

Furthermore, multiple genealogies could be assigned to Nanaya. In laments, she is consistently the daughter of Urash, the tutelary god of Dilbat, for instance (Mesopotamian Goddess Nanāja, p. 31). Obviously, the fact that Nanaya could also be at least partially identified with Inanna (though this is a late phenomenon; Goddesses in Context…, p. 131) poses some problems for viewing them as child and parent. In most cases it’s probably best to agree with the description of the relationship between the two as “definite, but unspecified” (Joan Goodnick Westenholz, Nanaya: Lady of Mystery, p. 68). 

On a side note which is not directly related to the main topic of this article, it is quite peculiar that preoccupation with Inanna existing as a part of a family never seems to extend to highlighting her connection with her parents. Ironically, the family connections people downplay online are the ones which actually mattered the most theologically.

The tradition making Nanna (Sin) and Ningal Inanna’s parents was by far the most widespread one, and it is reflected in various genres of texts across history (Aino Hätinen, The Moon God Sin in Neo-Assyrian and Neo-Babylonian Times, p. 309-310; Goddesses in Context…, p. 230; The Pantheon…, p. 111; even Abusch’s Ishtar, p. 452). References to this connection are frequent in literary texts, even ones which don’t focus on Inanna, let alone on her family ties. For instance, Ka Hulu-a, which isn’t even a composition dealing with deities on the most part, casually refers to Inanna as “wise daughter of Sin” (dumu galzu Suenna; Jana Matuszak, Don’t Insult Inana! Divine Retribution for Offense against Common Decency in the Light of New Textual Sources, p. 361). 

The connection between Inanna and her parents was so strong it could be transferred to other deities by proxy. Both Shaushka (Marie-Claude Trémouille, Šauška, Šawuška A. Philologisch, p. 102) and Pinikir (The Goddess Pirinkir…, p. 27) - not to mention an entire host of major and minor Mesopotamian goddesses, ranging from Annunitum (The Moon God…, p. 313), though Belet-ekallim (Ištar in Ḫatti…, p. 160) to Nanaya (The Moon God…, p. 312) - could be addressed as the moon god’s offspring (or, at the very least, as the offspring of a moon god since at least in Shaushka’s case the name is in all due likeness used as a logogram).

Perhaps even more importantly, the connection between Inanna and her father was also responsible for her well attested association with the number 15, best reflected in the use of this numeral to represent her name from the Old Babylonian period onwards. Since Sin’s number was 30 (a reflection of the number of days in the lunar month), a half of that was deemed a suitable number to represent his daughter by ancient theologians (Wolfgang Röllig, Götterzahlen, p. 499).

Conclusions

I was initially reluctant to cover the topic of the gender of Inanna and related deities in depth, I’m frankly not sure why. It is not my intent to boast, but much of my online activity has consistently revolved around assyriology since 2020 (technically it has been my interest for much longer, but my methodology required refining). I wrote 200+ wiki articles about Mesopotamian deities, including multiple which specifically required dealing with the matter of gender; in contrast with the overwhelming majority of hobbyists I keep up with academic publications.

To go back to the question which originally inspired this article, I don’t think it’s possible to give a straightforward answer. I’d say at least some of the current mainstream Assyriological scholarship (by which I mean roughly from the mid to late 1980s to now) offers a fairly accurate evaluation of what can be said about Inanna’s gender, and about the gender of related figures - Ninsianna, Shaushka, Pinikir etc.; I hope spotlighting sources which can be described this way through the article makes this clear enough. Some specific details are definitely overemphasized (the eerie quest for a beard is the prime example but I’d be lying if I said Wiggermann’s puzzling views on femdom didn’t make me laugh). What is definitely overestimated is to what degree the supposed ambiguity of Inanna’s gender was tied to her sexual aspects. The general lack of any such characteristics among deities even more firmly associated with sexuality than Inanna was - I highlighted it in the case of Nanaya, but it holds equally (if not more) true for Ishara, Gazbaba, Kanisurra, Bizilla, the list goes on - also doesn’t seem to ever be highlighted. While obviously each of them was a deity with own unique character and not just a carbon copy of Inanna (for example, Ishara was associated with weddings in a capacity no other love goddess was, while Nanaya persistently appears in texts dealing with unrequited love or rejection), convergence of traits was a fairly common phenomenon in Mesopotamian religion. For example, numerous couples consisting of a medicine goddess and a war god emerged over the course of the late third and second millennia BCE - so surely it would eventually reemerge in one of these cases?

A further problem is of course the questionable scholarship based on these misconceptions which focuses less on Inanna herself and more on clergy associated with her, or even just vaguely adjacent to her. While a lot has changed since the early 2000s, let alone the 1980s, it is still arguably a major weakness of assyriology as a discipline that often gender, sexual orientation and presentation are often treated as entirely overlapping phenomena. There are numerous authors who write about relevant matters thoughtfully, but this is hardly the rule; especially when assyriology intersects with Bible studies or classics, the problem remains strong (meanwhile, in depth studies of, say, transmission of laments will often be quite cautious; it’s also not as easy as just blaming the age of some researchers and calling it a day).

However, there are also matters related to the gender of Inanna and related deities which definitely receive too little attention. To which degree what we know about Ninsianna can be applied to Inanna? Why the planet Mercury, despite also being regarded as switching between two genders, seemingly never came to be personified the same way as Venus? Why Shaushka and especially Pinikir appear in firmly masculine attire, while Inanna basically never does? All of these questions require further in depth inquiries. Much as I can’t give an unambiguous response to the initial question, I honestly don’t think it’s possible to give a straightforward answer on the matter of Inanna’s gender in the first place. Obviously, it’s impossible to disagree that fundamentally she was primarily a feminine figure. However, it’s also important to remember she essentially took a masculine role in the military context. I still stand by my joke chart from a few months ago:

While as I demonstrated things get much more murky when it comes to outright ambiguity or fluidity of gender, I would not rule it out entirely either, at least in an astral context - though I also doubt it’s fair to speak of anything directly comparable to the cases of Ninsianna, Pinikir or Shaushka. 

Perhaps in the end we have to simply accept how Inanna’s character is summarized in an Old Babylonian composition I brought up much earlier:

[campoverlook-if]

Welcome to Camp Overlook, Where We're Stronger Together!

DEMO LINK ll Updated: 4/26/24 ll Wordcount: 96k [W/O Code], 23k [Average]

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Secrets are all around you in the small town of Crescent Cove, and its local summer camp, Camp Overlook. A place where childhood memories mix with the unsettling realities of the unknown.

A place once known for freedom and friendship, is now shrouded in flickering lights crawling around the woods and campers vanishing into thin air. Far hidden in Hudson Forest is the truth of any person's most horrid nightmares.

As a counselor, you are entrusted with guiding a group of youngsters through their formative days of self-discovery as you grapple with the disturbing circumstances around you.

Whether you are a newbie or a returning former camper yourself, the secrets of the woods are still ominous and crippling. Among the cheer of camp, eerie events unfold before you.

Is Mr. Adams, the cheerful camp director, still a jolly man, or is there something now hidden beneath the surface? Is Crescent Cove, the quiet little mountain town, hiding a secret so great that it will do anything to keep it covered? Are the campers, lovable and rebellious, exhibiting behavior that goes against their nature?

Camp is supposed to fun, so why are you running for your life?

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Setting: Crescent Cove, USA (Fictional Small Town)

Genre(s): Horror, Mystery, Drama, Romance

Warning(s): This is an 18+ story for depictions of violence, death, sexual themes, and child endangerment.

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Customizable MC - Name, gender, appearance, sexuality, and personality are all choosable aspects to make your counselor.

Get To Know Your Little Campers - The kids look up to you at the end of the day and their relationships with you reflects on the story.

Discover The Mystery of Crescent Cove - Learn the truth on what exactly happened thirty years ago that changed a small town forever.

Find A Summer Lover - Choose from thirteen ROs all looking for someone to love. Maybe you’ll find more than just one...

Meet Your New Best Friends - Create lasting friendships that survive the test of time. Or lifetime rivals that are ready to hurt you at any chance.

The Camp Needs You - Save your friends and protect the camp, or watch it all disappear before your eyes.

Lucas [M] - The King of the Woods

Stuck up, arrogant, and just one half of an irritating duo. Lucas always has to have the last word and the last thing anyone needs is to hear him whine about not getting it. It doesn’t help that the staff like him, the liar. Just be sure to stay out of his way or else.

Asher [NB] - The Sleeping Angel

Completely checked out of life, or at least, that’s what Asher wants everyone to think. There’s just a little something more hiding under that quiet exterior but Asher isn’t the type of person to open up to just anyone. They’ve got demons in their closet, and they’ve come along to camp for the ride.

Jack/Jasmine [M/F] - The Wise Old Tree

If anybody can round up a group of rowdy kids and teens together its this counselor. Calm and collected, they're there when the situation loses control and everyone needs to be working together on the same page. But this personality wasn’t perfected over night and even the calmest of seas can swallow those around them below.

Ethan/Ella [M/F] - The Friend of None

What some may call everyone’s best friend, they're at this camp for one thing and one thing only. To make a summer that’ll last forever. Leader of the pack, they know how to get the populous together and have a good time. But even the party animal has to get tired at some point and it's those moments when the real them emerges.

Ruby [F] - The Little Red Hen

Soft-spoken, polite, and kind to a fault. Ruby is the person you want when you need a comforting hand. A true healer and guiding life even if she is a little shy around others. But all healers have a story, Ruby just doesn’t have the cure to make it all go away.

William/Willow [M/F] - The Undisguised Wolf

They say if you gaze into the abyss, it tends to gaze back and tells you what you’re made of. That’s how it feels when this quiet storm enters a room, the room grows cold and the fun dies out. No one knows what lurks behind those eyes, and no one knows for sure if they’re the eyes of a monster.

Oliver/Olivia [M/F] - The Two-Faced Lover

Excitable, sweet, just the happiest bubble around. Around most people at least. But really, they're just an actor who knows how to play their part. No one knows the real them and maybe that's starting to have a toll on them. But it’s not like they can suddenly do a 180 and show the world who they really are. At least that’s what they like to think.

.....and seven others to discover! (Character Bios Here)

[ashturnedtomist]

Redacted HCs 2!

- Damien refuses to admit it but he cries every time he watches The Notebook and The Titanic

- Gavin and Freelancer have a room in Freelancer’s apartment for Caelum

- Elliott is afraid of snakes

- Vincent named one of his cars after Lovely

- Lasko’s listener struggles to fit in at D.A.M.N and Lasko was the first person to make them feel welcome

- Pre-turning, sometimes Lovely’s hair would fritz up when they got excited or frustrated

- Damien and Huxley think about Lovely a lot, and they don’t know if they’re dead or alive

- Darlin’ had distant parents, so Gabe and Marie would often take over the parenting roles for them

- Asher noticed the change in Darlin’s behavior when they started hanging out with Quinn, but he didn’t know how to approach them about it

- Angel purposefully ignores Christian during pack meetings to piss him off

- Every now and then, when Freelancer uses water magic, they get a chill down their spine and feel slightly nauseous

- Darlin’ asks Sam to bite them every now and then, but they’re secretly terrified that when he does finally agree to do it, they’ll only be reminded of Quinn

- Anton really likes classical music

- When Angel saw the rings that Milo got for him and Sweetheart, they freaked out and thought they had also gotten engaged along with Baabe and Asher

- When Asher told his family that he was engaged, his mother nearly blew out an ear drum with how loud she squealed over the phone. Same for his sister.

- Asset sometimes sits there and tries really hard to remember who they were before the obsession code took over. They are not usually successful.

- James writes letters to his partner every day, even though he can never send them to them

- Freelancer is scared to bridge with anyone since the whole Kody situation

[ambitionsource]

Hi, I am so here for all this ambition content right now. I check this page every day! I remember u guys mentioning about a rl and dasher road trip and I was wondering about that! Thank you!

hello pal!! literally so honored and happy that you’re enjoying ambition and the fact that you check our page every day... ugh you’re too sweet. hopefully the nonsense we do around here is entertaining! very happy to have you in our fandom community <3

so yes, rl + da road trip! i hope it’s okay that i took a bit to answer this, bc i wanted to ruminate on it for a bit before typing it up. so as y’all know we refer to the summer between s1 and 2 as “cruel summer” (thank u tswift), and similarly we have a code name for the summer between s2 and 3 which is “summer of love.” this is admittedly mainly because of rl, but also because a majority of the characters are in such a better headspace this summer than they were last.

boppin the rest under a read more, because i just go on... and on... and on............. (i really love rl & da)

-- Maggie

one facet of this summer is that around... july sometime, dylucasher decide they want to take a trip down to virginia beach (or the beaches in that general vicinity) because they want to check out a beach that isnt grey and cold like the ones close to them in ny, and because a trip before their last year of school together seems like a fun and Classic idea. originally they plan it for just the three of them, but somehow riley comes up and all of them agree -- especially dylan -- that it would be way more fun if she came along too. so they try to convince her to come along, which doesn’t take much convincing, it’s more so about figuring out how she’s going to get around cory because if he knew she wanted to go on a like week long trip with her boyfriend (who he doesn’t really trust) and two other boys he would probably have a heart attack.

you know, it would be like “you can’t go on an overnight trip with three boys!!!” “dad, you know dylan and asher. they’re gay. they’ve been dating for three years. they’re GAY. i do not think i’m at ALL at risk in that scenario???” fsdfSDKGDL

so riley devises a plan / cover story that involves like “going to stay with mom” for a few days, maybe a lie about staying over at isa’s or yindra’s for a couple days in there, you know, she lays out the whole lie and then bribes maya to go along with it and help cover her tracks (rl have very inverse influences on one another -- where riley sort of tames lucas and helps calm him and make him less feral, she develops a bit of a rebellious streak from him or just better identifies the nuances of which rules should be followed vs which were meant to be bent or broken..)

the good thing about this road trip is that it’s what truly cements riley’s friendship with dylan and asher. they’ve been toeing the line of friendship for like two years now (as riley said in cruel summer, she regretted not taking the time and establish a friendship with them in sophomore year before everything fell apart), and it’s kind of like it’s bound to happen. riley and asher takes a little more time to grow and develop just because of the kind of person asher is, but on this road trip dylan and riley just Click. like they were basically made to be best friends, dylan is the first person who kind intrinsically Gets riley and they match each other in terms of enthusiasm / personality / brightness. again, a friendship that’s just been Waiting to happen, and this trip really brings that to the forefront.

(on that note, i once joked that when dylan and riley get really into chatting about something and lucas zones out, they start sounding like the villagers in animal crossing to him. like if he stops paying attention for even a second suddenly dyley sound like this. and i stand by that claim.)

as for the trip itself, its not like i have the whole thing perfectly plotted or anything like that, more just... musings and ideas. oh and a playlist, of course i have a playlist. obviously they’re really good about swapping around drivers and sort of organizing their time since they only have a week, and i think it’s mainly funded by dylan’s youtube vlogger coin. asher helps and riley chips in her fair share, but dylan basically covers lucas because obviously he can’t pay but they all want him there. he makes up for this by driving the most even tho the other three insist its not a big deal.

when it comes to sharing space, the quartet of them are pretty good at it. obviously when they stop for the night they just share beds by couple, but it is interesting to think about how different these two relationships are in terms of like... you know, where they’re at. like its super easy for da to share a bed because they basically do that all the time now, but for rl breaking that boundary would be a kind of unspoken big deal and lucas would be so cautious about it. like they spend most of the summer in riley’s car (can’t hang out at her place with cory there and no one is going to lucas’s) and so theyve probably like fallen asleep together there once or twice and maybe napped ONCE at riley’s place when maya and cory were both gone in the 2.5 months they’ve been together, but it’s still... not the same. so at first lucas would be really nervous about it, but after the first couple of nights he’d relax and realize its really not that big a deal -- esp since riley seems pretty confident and comfortable with it. by the end of the week, lucas wakes up in the middle of the night and riley has cuddled up next to him and he’s like... okay MAYBE sharing a bed with someone makes points. perhaps.

one of the nights on the way down the coast, what truly breaks the ice for dylan and riley is that they break out a SMALL amount of alcohol and both get tipsy (which for them is just like. giddy and giggly and very chatty. they’re both happy drunks without a doubt). lucas and asher don’t indulge bc lucas doesn’t trust himself getting intoxicated and asher is just wary of it in general, but they figure dyley can do it as long as they’re both supervising. so dylan and riley talk A LOT that night and truly form their Kindred Spirit bond and also lucasher end up regretting letting them drink bc for like a half an hour dyley do this thing where they just pretend to share secrets with one another. like they theatrically whisper in one another’s ears and look at lucasher while they’re doing it and then start laughing and they’re literally not saying anything Important (like it’s probably like riley being like “psst... i think lucas is... hee hee... lucas is hot”) and then dylan cracking up and agreeing but bc lucasher don’t know what they’re saying they’re like ha ha very funny........... but y’all aren’t talking about us doe right. wait, what did you say. hold on --

a lot of the trip is also based around being in nature and the outdoors, since they don’t get to do much of that day-to-day in manhattan. considering one of their favorite spots to hang out as a group during senior year is at central park, they’re all definitely fresh air outdoorsy kind of people to a degree. so like, stopping at parks, going on hikes, and of course the beach itself. i made an instagram edit of one of said hikes when i was testing a template i made:

naturally, and i swear this happens at least once on a long road trip whether it is with family or friends or any combo of people, but you hit a point where you get irritable and start to get a little sick of one another. i think in this case that mainly starts between lucas and asher, because although they’re Best Friends i think lucas has a knack for finding ways of irritating him. and also lucas probably gets irritated by dylan’s high energy after too much time with no breaks, so he’s also snappy, and as they’re on the way back up to nyc people are spatting at one another or getting snippy over stupid things so riles is like. here’s an idea! how about we split up for the day when we get to philadelphia. this is an excellent idea and none of them are opposed, so when they arrive in philly, dylan and asher split off to go explore the city + historical sites.

what do riley and lucas do? well, riley takes lucas to meet her grandparents, of course.

at first lucas is like ummmmmmm no because he’s SUPER nervous about meeting her family -- the only family he’s met is cory and we know that’s... unideal, and eric, both of whom have a completely different perception of him bc of school and his behavioral record. he’s yet to meet topanga or auggie yet or anything like that -- but riley assures him that her grandparents are chill and she has no doubt she’ll like them. they’re also meeting lucas with a completely blank slate (i.e. no preconceived notions about him like those who work at aaa), so it’s not hard for lucas to make a good impression since he really is like... a good guy. not to mention no way is he snarky or deadpan in situations where he doesn’t feel comfortable or like he has the right lmao, so he’s on his BEST behavior around amy and alan.

the good thing is that alan himself kind of had a similar background and run on the wild side that lucas does (kind of like jack, altho jack was never as troubled as lucas), and so i think he would kind of... inherently Get him. like he’d strike up a conversation with him and at first lucas would be like omg why is this man speaking to me please i’m invisible pretend i’m not here... but after a bit he’d find it’s surprisingly easy to talk to alan. and they’d talk for like an hour and get on pretty well. meanwhile, amy is talking to riley and is like so... let me guess. cory does not know you’re traveling with your boyfriend???? and riley is like... perhaps. maybe don’t tell him? pretty please? and once amy convenes with alan and is like how is he and alan is all “he’s fine, we can approve,” then they agree not to rat riley out.

riley and lucas also climb up into the matthews tree house and take a look around and they comment on how strange it is that cory and eric once used to like, hang out in there and in that house and were once teenagers (lucas: be careful this is humanizing your father too much for me). and i’d think they’d sit up in the treehouse for a little bit and just talk and riley would talk about how nice it must’ve been to grow up in the suburbs like this, and she’s surprised when lucas agrees and he admits he fucking hates living in manhattan. and that kind of prompts this subtle internal thinking in both of them of like hmm well... maybe in the future when things are different and we can make our own rules maybe we’ll move out of the city and into a quieter life... they don’t say any of that out loud, but they’re both thinking it. and at the tail end of that conversation riley kisses lucas which turns into a Really Good Kiss... but then they’re interrupted by amy calling for them to come down for dinner and its kind of like lmao, they’re both a little bashful but in a casual silly way

[cycwrites]

Still Falling - A Fic Tease

The Return of the Nowish Fic Teases! This one is a series of Staubrey scenes from a story I plan on writing called “Proposals, Weddings and Promises.” Did I call it that JUST so I can shorten it to PWP? Maybe… That story will, eventually, be both the Bechloe and Staubrey weddings from proposals to final dance (and maybe honeymoon). But for now have a much delayed Staubrey Week 2019 entry.

Plus I hurt my soul writing Can’t Help Falling and this was my way to get past it.

Edited to add that it takes place post-Worlds and pre-Nowish.

As always, thank you to @tiny-maus-boots for being the Master Beta, editor and sounding board.

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 6834

On AO3 with my other Fic Teases.

---------

~S~

Friday, January 15th 2016

“Stacie! Did you call to give me more embarrassing stories about my sister? Please tell me yes!”

Stacie laughed as she adjusted the phone against her ear. “Sorry to disappoint you, Aiden. She’s been on her best behavior.”

He snorted. “That’ll be the day.”

“True.” Stacie leaned back in her office chair. “Despite the pressure of school, I’m glad she seems to have… relaxed… a lot the past couple months.” While the move to LA had been stressful, Aubrey still wasn’t even close to the ball of tension she’d been since Stacie had met her. The visit to the Posen estate over Thanksgiving – and spending time with her brothers – had been exactly what Aubrey had needed to unwind.

“Me too,” he said sincerely. “The past few years she’s been… She’s had…” Aiden trailed off, obviously trying not to be offensive.

“A stick up her ass?” Stacie grinned.

“Your words, not mine.” Stacie could almost see him hold up his hand as if to ward off a blow. “I don’t want her to hit me; it stings like the dickens.” She heard him close a door and the background murmur she’d been hearing cut off. “Everything okay though? Did you have a good birthday last week?”

“Yeah, we’re great and yes I did. Thank you for the picture. I love it.” Asher and Aiden had sent along a baby picture of Aubrey’s that Stacie had fallen in love with the second she saw it in Aubrey’s bedroom. In it a very serious faced Aubrey was standing stiffly at attention, saluting the General who stood opposite her. He was saluting her back, every inch the perfect soldier; but even in profile and only able to see one eye, the pride and love he felt for his daughter was obvious.

“You’re welcome. You know Asher and I consider you family.”

Stacie squirmed in her chair, caught between pleasure at the words and a lifetime of avoiding anything like them. “Thanks.” It felt lame, but it was still hard to express certain things with anyone but Aubrey.  “I… feel the same way.” She rolled her eyes at herself. ‘Real warm, Conrad.’

When she’d set her mind to wooing Aubrey, Stacie hadn’t considered the fact that she would also be accepting the Posen’s as a family into her life as well. Which she should have because she knew how close Aubrey and her brothers were. It wasn’t that she didn’t like them, she did – though she was pretty sure Mother Posen didn’t approve of her – but she had no idea how to express any of it. Except to Aubrey, where she felt safe enough to talk about anything.

“Sorry,” he said cheerfully. “I forgot you’re not big on the feels. Bossy will change that soon enough. With a little teasing – I mean help – from her older and wiser brothers.”

“I have no doubt,” she said with another laugh, feeling the discomfort fade. They really had made her, and Beca, feel like family at Thanksgiving. She didn’t think it would be long before she loved them as much as her own brother.

“I’m sure you didn’t call me just so I could tease you.” She heard him settle into his own chair.

“Not exactly.” Stacie took a measured breath. “Do you think General Posen would give me the recipe for his BBQ sauce?” As she expected there was a long pause.

“I dunno Stacie, the General considers that classified information.” Aiden hesitated. “I mean, you definitely impressed all of us with how much you knew about marinades and dry rubs…” He paused and Stacie heard what had to be a stifled snicker.

“No wonder you and Beca got along so well.” Stacie laughed. “You both live in the gutter.” She ignored Beca’s voice in the back of her head that asked ‘Would you like to be pot or kettle?’

Despite the inappropriately hilarious innuendos, there had been a very intense discussion on all things barbeque over Thanksgiving: The best brands of BBQ’s, best ways to prepare all the various things you could cook on them and then the actual cooking process itself. After twenty minutes Beca had escaped to the kitchen, ostensibly to see if she could help but Stacie knew that she was really hoping to steal something to snack on. Beca still hadn’t developed any real cooking skills beyond breakfast and all the talk of food prep had only served to make her even hungrier and dinner was still at least an hour away. Plus she’d begun to look pained with the effort of not laughing during the dry rub discussion and Stacie imagined she’d paused somewhere to giggle uncontrollably before finding the others.

“Guilty as charged.” He said with another laugh before picking up where he’d left off. “But he hasn’t even hinted at what’s in it to any of us. I don’t even think Mom knows.”

Stacie sighed and played with the pencil sitting on the desk in front of her. “I know Aiden, but if I’ve learned one thing over the past few years, you never know unless you ask.”

“That’s a fair point.” She heard him hum under his breath and could almost picture him purse his lips exactly like Aubrey did when she was considering something big.

“I just… I wanted to give Aubrey a surprise. She followed the three of us to LA without hesitation and…”

“Is she unhappy?” He asked it quick, but she could tell he wasn’t really worried. “She seemed fine at Thanksgiving.”

“No, nothing like that.” Stacie shook her head even though he couldn’t see her. “School has been kicking her ass, just a little, and… She’s got an interview in a few weeks at the law firm Beca’s label uses, to be an intern, and when she gets it, I wanted to surprise her with a taste of home.”

“I knew you were mushy at heart.” Aiden teased but she heard brotherly pride and approval in it.

“Only when your sister is involved,” Stacie said easily.

“Aw, now you’re just buttering me up so I’ll do it,” he accused.

“Guilty.” Stacie cradled her phone to her ear. “Did it work?”

“Of course it did.” He snorted. “I’m her big brother and making her happy is coded into my DNA.”

“I know the feeling,” Stacie muttered and flushed when he laughed. She hadn’t meant to say it out loud.

“If it’s cool, I’ll give Dad your number and have him call you. Is it okay that I tell him why you’re asking?”

“Of course, I expected nothing less.” Stacie felt herself relax, only then realizing that she’d been tense since she’d made the decision to call and picked up her cell.

“I can’t promise anything, but I’m sure he’ll at least call you to say no.” He laughed again. “Of course, if he says yes you know I expect to have you share with me.”

“Aiden,” Stacie sat up and leaned her elbows on her desk. “If he hasn’t given it to you, I’m sure as hell not going to go against him and give it to you if he entrusts me with it.”

“Aubrey always did pick the smart ones,” Aiden said. “Alright, Stacie. I’ll call Dad tonight when I know he’s not in the office anymore. Not sure when he’ll call you though.”

“That’s fine. Thanks, Aiden.” Stacie closed her eyes in relief. She’d been afraid he’d refuse outright because she was an outsider. In hindsight, she should’ve known better; Aiden and Asher had welcomed her in with arms wide open when Aubrey had first told them they were dating. Hell, at Thanksgiving she’d been treated exactly like Aubrey from the second they’d arrived - like a younger sister with all the teasing that accompanied it. It had been strange to realize that she’d already felt almost as comfortable with Aubrey’s brothers as she did with her own. It had also made her miss Derek and she’d gone to see him the following weekend.

“Anytime, Stacie. I hate to say it, but I do have to go. Army never rests and all that.” She heard him sigh. “I hope to be able to come visit soon”

“It’s okay, I understand.  My lunch break is almost over anyway. And we would love you to visit.” Stacie eyed the clock, wishing she was already off work and headed for the condo. “Tell Asher hi for me, will ya?”

“’Course.” She heard someone knock on the door in the background and Aiden’s voice quieted as he turned his head away. “I’ll be out in a minute.” He came back to the phone. “Be good and don’t let Bossy live up to her name.”

“But what if I like it when she does?” Stacie couldn’t help herself and grinned at the gagging sound he made.

“Nope! No! HangingupnowbyeStacie.” He said in a rush.

“Laters, Aide,” Stacie said as the line went dead. “So easy.”

Standing she put her phone in her lab coat pocket and stretched. “Now I just have to convince the General to give up a family secret to an unknown. No big deal. Piece of cake.”

Leaving her office for the lab, Stacie spared one final thought before she put it away. It would do no good to dwell while she waited to hear from Aubrey’s father. ‘Please let this work.’

 ~S~

Sunday, January 17th, 2016

When her phone rang, Stacie almost ignored it. She usually screened unknown numbers by letting them go to voicemail and calling them back if it was a legitimate call. Except she didn’t have the General’s number and she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to call him back. With a quick glance to make sure she was alone – completely unnecessary as Aubrey had gone to the store for dinner supplies – she forced her nerves away and answered. “Stacie Conrad.”

“Stacie.” The General’s gruff voice filled her ear. “How are you?”

“I’m great, Sir. I hope your weekend has been good.” She had never been good with parents and rolled her eyes at her stilted words.

“Passing well. Lydia didn’t have any events this weekend so we’ve just been rattling around the house.” He let out a chuckle. “But I’ll spare you the boring details of two old people filling their days and just hop right into it.” He paused and Stacie took a quiet breath, bracing herself as she sat at their kitchen table. “I hear you want some classified information.”

Despite the smile she could hear in his voice, Stacie’s tension grew as the moment she’d been thinking of for two months finally arrived. “Actually, Sir, the recipe is sort of secondary to why I wanted to talk to you.” She took another breath. “I’m sorry I wasn’t one hundred percent truthful with Aiden, but I wanted to do this right.” The hand not holding her phone began to ache and she forced herself to relax the fist she hadn’t realized she’d been making in her lap, resting it palm down on the table.

“And that is?” Thankfully he sounded curious instead of angry.

“I want to ask Aubrey to marry me and I was hoping to get your blessing Sir, General Posen, Sir.” She stared at her left hand where it pressed into the wood so hard her fingertips blanched white. ‘Maybe that was overkill…’

“I see.” It was completely neutral, no hint of anything she’d been expecting: surprise, disapproval or anything in between.

Her heart, which had already been trying to pound its way from between her ribs, tripled in speed. She would have licked her lips to wet them but her mouth had gone dry. “I realize that we’ve only been together for a short time, but I have loved Aubrey for years even though I didn’t realize it.” She wished she had some water but she didn’t trust her legs to hold her up. “I never thought – I never planned to fall in love. So I didn’t recognize what I was feeling as anything more than fondness. Until a year ago when I…” She trailed off with a self-deprecating laugh. “Until I couldn’t hide from my truth anymore.”

“That you loved Aubrey.” He made it a statement not a question and still there was no hint of what he might be thinking.

“Yes, General Posen.” Stacie shifted in her chair. “By the time I realized it, I thought it was too late… She was dating Thad, had even brought him home.” There was a small sound through the phone but she couldn’t tell if it was because the General had approved or disapproved of Aubrey’s boyfriend. “But then I got this second chance to prove to her what I’d spent all that time hiding from myself. That I love her with everything I am or ever will be.”

Stacie forced herself to take a breath, feeling lightheaded from all the emotions bouncing around inside her. She tried not to read too much into the fact that the General hadn’t said anything at all; he was military, he was a man who needed all the facts to make his decisions and likely rarely gave in to his emotions. Stacie understood it – Aubrey was the same way, though she was listening to her emotions more – and could respect it. She’d been planning different versions of this speech since Thanksgiving.

“So while I realize and appreciate that it could look like I’m moving too fast, that I’m setting us up for failure… I don’t want to waste any more time in starting the rest of my life with the only person I have ever – will ever – love.” She heard her throat click as she swallowed dryly, determined to get the rest of it out before she had her nervous breakdown.

“I know I’m not… what you and Mrs. Posen had envisioned for your daughter as you watched her grow up into the beautiful woman she is today. I know we come from two different worlds…” Stacie trailed off. “But I love her. And I promise to cherish Aubrey as the amazing woman she is for every second of the rest of our life together. Forever. It’s not a word I use lightly – one I never thought I would use at all. But it’s what I want with everything that I am.” She hesitated. “I just hope that I can live up to the way Aubrey loves me; prove to her every day that she didn’t make a mistake in choosing me.”

Stacie let herself fall silent; there was nothing left to do but wait for his answer.

As the silence grew, her heart fell. She knew she wasn’t good enough – not yet – for Aubrey, but she thought that the Posen’s had accepted her over the holidays. At least enough that when she’d realized she was going to ask Aubrey to marry, Stacie knew she had to do it the right way from the start. And in Aubrey’s world, that meant asking her father… Except he still hadn’t said anything and each passing second felt like a stone in her heart.

Even if he refused, Stacie still planned to propose to Aubrey; there wasn’t a force on Earth that could prevent that from happening. She’d had the ring since the beginning of November, already knowing that Aubrey was her future, but had only recently solidified how she wanted to propose. They were meant to be, she knew that now, so while Stacie didn’t really worry that Aubrey would say no – brief moments of insecurity aside – she didn’t want to be the cause of a rift between Aubrey and her family.

“And the recipe?” His voice startled her from her musings.

“She told me that, as a child, she loved barbeque nights. Because that meant you were home.” Stacie didn’t think Aubrey would mind her sharing this secret, but she still wanted to squirm a little. “And I want to show her that I… want… to be her home. Because she is mine.”

There was another long silence before he spoke again.

“Do you have pen and paper handy?”

“Yes, Sir!” Too afraid to let herself hope, Stacie scrambled to stretch out an arm that had become leaden with nerves and pull over the notepad they used for groceries.

"First, I want to remind you that if you give this to any of my children, I will both be disappointed and then lock you away in a bunker for treason.” Amusement laced his voice though there was something else underneath it.

She nodded before remembering he couldn’t see her. “Of course. I would expect nothing less. But I promise I’ll guard it with my life.”

“I know you will.” This was said softer and Stacie knew they weren’t talking about barbeque sauce anymore. He cleared his throat. “As you know, we go for a sweeter taste up here in Northern Virginia, so it’s more tomato based. But the real trick is to make sure you let it sit for a night after you mix it all together and then heat it slowly when you’re ready.”

“Got it.” Stacie said as he gave her the ingredients, taking meticulous notes in a shorthand she had made up in college. The last thing she wanted was for Aubrey to find it and ruin the surprise.

As he spoke, silent tears tracked down her face, moved beyond words at the unspoken but unmistakable approval of her as a partner for Aubrey.

 ~S~

Sunday, February 14th, 2016

Stacie was sure she was going to throw up.

The tension in her body had grown all day and now that the moment of truth was almost here, she wasn’t sure she could eat the dinner she’d spent the day preparing.

On Saturday she’d been spared coming up with an excuse to get Aubrey out of the house by Beca insisting that Aubrey go with her for a last minute gift consultation. Apparently she’d bought something for Chloe and decided that maybe she’d picked up the wrong thing – earrings versus bracelet, if Stacie heard right – so Stacie had had several hours free to mix together the recipe given to her by the General the month before.

Chloe, who Stacie had confided in three weeks before, had stored the various ingredients Stacie picked up in preparation. It was a testament to how nervous Stacie was that she hadn’t realized one simple fact until Chloe pointed it out: Putting together the incredibly complicated recipe was essentially chemistry and who better to replicate it than an actual chemist? Chloe had also offered moral support as Stacie had carefully measured and poured, more focused on getting everything correct, more meticulous than she even was in her lab.

Once she was done, Stacie had sealed it tightly and wrapped plain brown paper around the container and neatly printed “Aubrey Keep Out” on it with a smiley face and a heart. She knew that single command to stay away would drive Aubrey absolutely insane for the next day but she’d also respect Stacie’s desire to surprise her.

“She’s going to love it.” Chloe put her hand on Stacie’s shoulder as she closed the fridge. “Even without the marinating, that test taste definitely tasted like the sauce I remember from the last time I was there.”

“Yeah?” Stacie turned to clean up the mess she’d littered over the kitchen counters. “You’re not just saying that?”

“You know better.” Chloe shoulder bumped her. “It’ll be perfect.” She turned on the faucet and set it to warm so she could start rinsing plates to put them in the washer. “I knew you had a sappy side.”

“Don’t tell anyone.” Stacie started to gather her trash to throw out before Aubrey got home.

“Too late, they all know.” Chloe said easily.

Stacie just hoped that Aubrey wasn’t disappointed that they weren’t going out on their first official Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t a day that had meant anything to Stacie in the past, but like asking the General for Aubrey’s hand, it was one more thing she wanted to do right. And for what she had in mind, she didn’t want it to be in public. She wanted it to be just for them. So she’d asked Aubrey if it would be alright if she made them a home cooked meal and she had immediately agreed.

Now, after cooking the ribs for several hours and then slathering sauce on one side and then the other for another half, Stacie carried two plates out to the table Aubrey had finished setting out on their balcony.

“I know it’s not a glamorous restaurant, but I wanted to try and give you something special for our first Valentine’s Day together.  I know I can’t really match it, but you said how much you miss home cooked barbeque, so I thought…”

“I love it.” Aubrey interrupted her rambling and put her hand on Stacie’s. “I love you.” She took her seat. “It smells amazing, love.” Aubrey had kept coming out to the balcony to sniff over her shoulder, something Stacie had allowed until it was time to sauce them.

Stacie’s mouth was dry again and she wished she could gulp the beer Aubrey had poured earlier. “Thanks.” She sat on the edge of her chair, surreptitiously wiping her hands on her napkin she draped over her lap. “Guess it’s the moment of truth.”

Aubrey picked up her glass and held it up. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Stacie.”

“Happy Valentine’s, Bree.” Stacie gratefully lifted her glass and clinked it gently against hers. “There is nowhere else I want to be than with you.”

Aubrey’s voice softened. “Me either.” She reached her free hand over and rested it on Stacie’s arm while they both sipped their beer. Setting down her glass she looked at her plate. “I still can’t believe you cooked this all day.”

Stacie took another small drink, for courage and moisture. “It wasn’t that much trouble. Just let it sit and do its thing ‘til it’s time to turn it and poke it with a fork to see if it’s done.” She couldn’t figure out what to do with her hands and felt she was dangerously close to turning into Beca with her gestures, so she put them in her lap where her fingers twisted tightly together.

Nothing in her life had been more important than this moment; than the woman sitting bathed in sunlight that lit the highlights in her hair and brought out the sparkles in her eyes. It was more than living up to the legacy left to her by her grandmother’s rose quartz, a fact she knew would amuse Gran endlessly. She could almost feel her Gran’s hand on her hair and the loving way she’d have told Stacie ‘I told you one day you’d need it.’

Aubrey shot her a glance out of the corner of her eye, her lips curling into a smile. “The anticipation is killing you, isn’t it?”

“You have no idea,” Stacie muttered.

“Aw, baby.” Aubrey shook her head. “Alright, I’ll put you out of your misery.” Like any true connoisseur of fine barbeque, Aubrey picked up one of the ribs with her fingers and delicately took a bite, her eyes closing to savor the moment. Stacie, watching closely, saw the second realization hit. Aubrey’s eyes flew open and met hers. “Stacie?” Aubrey took another, bigger bite, and Stacie felt relief wash over her even as she smiled at the smear of sauce that ended up across Aubrey’s cheek.

“Yes?” She strived for nonchalance and leaned back in her chair, her left hand dipping into the band of her skirt where she’d stored the small box she’d had for months, waiting for her heart to actually break through her ribs.

“This is… Dad’s… how did…?” Aubrey took a third bite instead of continuing. “It’s perfect, love.” Her eyes closed again, a hum of pure contented enjoyment coming from her throat as Stacie reached out and wiped away the sauce with her thumb. “He hasn’t even given us that recipe. How?”

Stacie slipped from her chair and knelt on one knee. “He gave it to me the day I asked his permission to marry the love of my life.” She opened the box and waited. It wasn’t that she was worried about a no… except she’d been wrong before. At the retreat. And she didn’t know what would happen if she was wrong again.

Aubrey’s fingers opened in shock, dropping the rib back to her plate as she turned to face where Stacie had been sitting before turning shocked emerald eyes downward. Her mouth opened but no words came out as she took in the ring before her.

“Aubrey Marie Posen,” Stacie said, her voice shaking from the strength of the love coursing through her veins. “I didn’t know it, but I have loved you since the night of the riff-off and I watched you laugh at a horror movie.”

Aubrey’s hand reached up to trace her throat, fingers looking for a Bella scarf that hadn’t been there in years. Stacie smiled gently at her; wanting so much to reach out and touch her reassuringly and hoping one day to make that nervous tick a thing of the past.

“It took me too long to realize it and I’m sorry.” She licked her lips again. “I know we’ve only lived together for a short time, but I don’t want to wait any longer to start our life together.”

Aubrey’s eyes flickered from the ring to Stacie’s eyes, wondering and filled with something Stacie couldn’t pin down. Her hands wanted to shake from nervousness but she willed them to behave as she waited for Aubrey to say something.

Instead, Aubrey frantically wiped her hands on her napkin, turning away slightly and Stacie’s heart stuttered in its wild beat, wondering if she’d been wrong, if this wasn’t the time… But Aubrey merely pulled something from underneath a second napkin that Stacie hadn’t realized was sitting on one of the empty chairs. Stacie looked down as the small box that mirrored her own was opened and balanced in one delicate palm.

Everything inside her went calm and still as she met Aubrey’s watery gaze with her own.

“Yes.”

~S~

Thursday, August 18th, 2016

“I told you she was going to cry.”

“Beca!” Amy threw a small handful of rice at Beca where she sat at the piano. “Even I know you’re not supposed to say that during a wedding rehearsal. It’s expected that the bride cries.”

“Then you should also know that you don’t actually need to bring rice to the rehearsal.” Beca shot back, unable to wipe off the ones that had landed on her shoulder. “It’s also not nice to throw things at the pianist.”

“Did you just call yourself a penis?” Amy asked incredulously. “What else about you do I not know?”

Stacie grinned as Chloe broke off singing and began to laugh. “I’ve missed you, Amy.”

“Because I’m fun.” Amy shrugged and threw a few more pieces of rice at Beca. “Even when my friends keep secrets from me.”

“Oh my god.” Beca stopped playing and covered her face though Stacie knew it was to hide her grin. “There are no secrets, Amy.”

Stacie looked back up the aisle as Aubrey walked toward them, clearly torn between amusement and annoyance. Amusement won as Stacie reached for the box of Kleenex she had kept close.

“Like we’d trust you to tell the truth.” Aubrey took the tissue Stacie handed her and wiped at her face. “We’ll have to ask Chloe if we want answers.”

“Oh, well.” Chloe said, covering the microphone confidentially. “In that case…”

“Do not.” Beca turned on the piano bench and pointed a finger. “Do not give Amy any ammunition to make things up.”

“Oh, Beca.” Ashley shook her head. “Don’t you know that just fuels us more?”

“Did you really need all of them tonight?” Beca looked at Aubrey. “Like, couldn’t we have just used chairs since only Chloe and I are moving around during the procession?”

“Nope.” Aubrey said cheerfully. “It’s my wedding, I get to do what I want.”

“Bridezilla.” Beca winced as Chloe backhanded her shoulder lightly. “We’ve been married not even four months and the abuse starts.”

“Like we don’t know you love it.” Jessica grinned at her.

“Guys – maybe not in front of the parents?” Aubrey cleared her throat. “Chlo, Beca, do you guys mind going through it one more time?”

Beca answered first. “Of course not, Aubrey.”

“Thanks, DJ.” Stacie smiled at Beca before turning to give Aubrey a kiss on the cheek. “I think that last pacing was fine, love.”

“Thanks.” Aubrey squeezed her hand before joining her father to walk back down the aisle and out of the room.

After one last look around to make sure everyone was in place, Beca began to play “Can’t Help Falling in Love." As Chloe started to sing, Aubrey and the General reappeared in the doorway and made their way down the aisle.

At first Stacie wasn’t sure the song was appropriate; it had broken her heart when Aubrey had told her what had happened after their single night together in college. It hurt her in ways she wouldn’t have dreamed possible to think of Aubrey standing in the Bella living room, listening to this song and burying all her feelings. When Stacie had come back downstairs, she’d had no idea that Aubrey had been crying minutes before and learning about it had brought Stacie to tears.

But over the past few months, Aubrey had convinced Stacie that it would turn the song into something wonderful instead of a painful memory. “Besides, it’s my truth. I tried not to... but I couldn’t help falling in love with you.”

Now, watching Aubrey walk toward her, Stacie knew it was her truth too.

And tomorrow, finally, they would belong to each other and she’d never let Aubrey go.

 ~Amy~

Friday, August 19th, 2016

Amy took the microphone off the stand and looked over the reception room.

“As is tradition, the two brides will have their first dance and they’ve given me the honor of singing it for them.” She waited as the room erupted into whistles and cheers before looking over at the table behind her. “So, if you two would please stop snogging for two seconds and make your way to the dance floor?” The cheers became catcalls as a half blushing, all smiles Aubrey was led to the center of the room by a grinning Stacie.

Amy took a deep, steadying breath and, with one last glance around at her sisters, began to sing “Still Falling For You” by Ellie Goulding. There was no music or instruments, they were aca-people after all, but her voice was steady and smooth. While she’d been practicing this song almost daily for two months, she was still afraid she’d screw it up. Rationally, she knew no one would care but she would feel terrible even as she pretended to laugh it off.  

Fire and ice This love is like fire and ice This love is like rain and blue skies This love is like sun on the rise This love got me rolling the dice Don't let me lose Still falling for you Still falling for you

She couldn’t help but smile as she watched Stacie gently spin Aubrey, both of them lost in each other’s eyes. There had been bets amongst the Bellas on who would lead this first dance, but it hadn’t even been a thought in Aubrey’s head. Once she’d stopped running from her feelings, Aubrey had given everything she was to Stacie without hesitation – including putting Stacie’s name above her own.  

Beautiful mind Your heart got a story with mine Your heart got me hurting at times Your heart gave me new kind of highs Your heart got me feeling so fine So what to do Still falling for you Still falling for you

There were a few low whistles as Stacie dipped Aubrey and kissed her, both of them motionless as they got lost in each other before Stacie righted them again. Aubrey pulled her close, her arms winding around Stacie’s neck as they moved in perfect sync.

It took us a while With every breath a new day With love on the line We've had our share of mistakes But all your flaws and scars are mine Still falling for you Still falling for you

It had definitely been a journey, watching the two of them circle each other over the past five years and Amy was honored to be part of their new beginning.

Amy had never been big on family, her own having devolved into a nightmare that drove her away once her mother passed, but she had begun to realize that the women sitting on either side of the head table behind her were just that. So it didn’t surprise her that when she reached the chorus, eight voices joined her own, filling the space around her with music. Because of course they would. Unrehearsed. Without thought. No hesitation or even a question amongst them.

Aubrey and Stacie both looked up, eyes bright and shining in the dim light, their smiles flashing as the Bellas sung them into this new phase of their life. Their voices lifted and weaved, announcing to everyone in the room how much they loved the couple gliding smoothly across the center of the room.

And just like that All I breathe All I feel You are all for me I'm in And just like that All I breathe All I feel You are all for me No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do I'm still falling for you

Stacie and Aubrey looked around at them, their eyes bright and shining with unshed tears and shocked wonder. Amy could relate as she felt goosebumps on her arms as a rush of adrenaline hit her. They hadn’t talked about this, had never practiced singing this particular song together, but their voices lifted hers up and she felt she was starting to understand why people cried at weddings.

Family. This was her chosen one and she would lay down her life for any one of them. Even Legacy.

While they stopped singing for the next stanza, they kept the beat with snaps as Lilly provided the bass, letting Amy take the lead once more.

Brighter than gold This love shining brighter than gold This love is like letters in bold This love is like out of control This love is never growing old You make it new Still falling for you Still falling for you

It took us a while 'Cause we were young and unsure With love on the line What if we both would need more But all your flaws and scars are mine Still falling for you Still falling for you Still falling for you

Amy thought the song was definitely the perfect choice for the two of them. They had been fire and ice; they had both been young and unsure. But even Amy had figured out by the ICCAs that there was more to the two of them than just Captain and Bella. Of course, Amy herself had been young and stupid and hadn’t given it much thought until that last Thanksgiving at the Bella house. Even then she’d not realized the depth of their emotions, both of them too adept at hiding it at that point. But seeing them together over the past two weeks leading up to the wedding… Aubrey was like a completely different person. Or, rather, she was the person they’d only caught glimpses of that first year; completely relaxed, open and… Amy smiled to herself as Aubrey laughed at something Stacie whispered in her ear. Someone not afraid to let go.

The rest of the Bellas joined her for the chorus again and Amy realized that they were approaching the end of the song.

And just like that All I breathe All I feel You are all for me I'm in And just like that All I breathe All I feel You are all for me No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do Still falling for you Falling, crash into my arms Love you like this Like a first kiss Never let go Falling, crash into my arms Never breaking what we got Still falling for you Still falling for

There was a breathless pause before they gave it their all and Amy was glad this was being recorded because she never wanted to forget a second of how connected to them all she felt in this instant.

And just like that All I breathe All I feel You are all for me I’m in And just like that All I breathe All I feel You are all for me All for me

Then, one by one, their voices fell silent until only Amy’s remained.

And just like that All I feel is you All I feel is you You are all for me I’m still falling And just like that All I feel is you All I feel is you

As she sang the last few lines she fought to keep from tensing up.

Amy had been waiting for this moment for five very long weeks. She had told no one the plan and while she may have been a safe that locks there were just some things that begged to be shared. But she’d held off and now that the moment was here she couldn’t wait to see the looks on their faces.

Stacie and Aubrey had slowly been moving around the floor, whispering and nuzzling each other, but over the last few lines they had drifted to stand in front of Amy.

Amy took a breath, hoping no one thought anything of her pause before singing the last few lines of the song, as she casually held the mic out further than she had been.

“You are all for me.”

Stacie and Aubrey sang it together, both their faces going almost comically slack in shock, before identical smiles of pure joy lit up the room. Stacie cupped Aubrey’s face with both hands as the two of them finished the song together.

No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do I’m still falling for you

Aubrey pulled her in and kissed her while the room went still around them. Amy stepped to the side, leaving them alone and hoped the photographer was on the ball and capturing this moment of sheer perfection.

Stacie had come to her with the idea first: “So, if Bree and I happen to end up in front of you at the end of the song, do you think you could hold the mic out for me to sing the last bit?”

Amy had agreed and immediately called Stacie whipped – affectionately, of course.

Aubrey had called her a week later: “Would it be crazy if I wanted to sing the last three lines at the end of the dance?”

Amy almost laughed, except she knew Aubrey would assume Amy was laughing at her and that was the last thing she wanted. So she’d choked it back and told Aubrey it wasn’t crazy at all and she’d be happy to hold the mic out for her if she could get Stacie there.

She’d obviously heard about their double proposal and the fact that they both had the exact same idea about their first dance song proved that they were obviously meant for each other. It had killed her not to share this secret with Beca but some things were better as surprises. Speaking of…

Amy turned and looked where Beca and Chloe had been sitting and couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of her – thankfully she’d turned the mic off when she’d stepped out of the way, she’d have hated to ruin the still ongoing kiss but she couldn’t help it. Beca was full on ugly crying as she held tightly to Chloe’s hand; not that Chloe was beyond that herself, but the only other time Amy had seen Beca cry this hard was at her own wedding.

Not that Amy was one to talk. She took the tissue that Lilly held out to her and dabbed at her cheeks as the entire reception room filled with a roar of approval as the brides finally separated, even if it was only to rest their foreheads together.

Amy cleared her throat and turned on her mic.

“Ladies, gentlemen… And Trebles.” She only waved as good natured jeers came from the far side of the room. “I present to you Mrs. & Mrs. Posen-Conrad.”

Family.

Amy thought it again as the noise grew deafening but the Bellas were still louder than the rest as they stood up and cheered at their tables.

My family.

-------

(x)

[xo-dailypier-blog]

this is not a recap;

     hey cumguzzlers,

It has come to my attention that Lady X took it upon herself to rate the nether regions of the men of Santa Monica. Unfortunately her assessment was BIASED and hardly based on facts. So as a JOURNALIST, I have taken it upon myself to get to the TRUTH. Today will be a Top 9 list of the men in this town, and their BEDROOM PERFORMANCES.

I’m not revealing actual sizes, because I firmly believe that it’s all about the motion of the ocean. And if you think I’m giving a run down on every SCRUB in this town, you’re out of your mind! I WISH I could have made this a Top 10 but most of the guys on Lady X’s assessment, have already been exposed in the fuck hut tapes during Summer Crush, and honestly? Don’t even make the cut for the top 5. Like, we KNOW the #DemonDick is low-key worth the hype (BUT YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM IT BECAUSE HELLO? IT RUINED TWO RELATIONSHIPS IN LIKE THE SPAN OF A DAY! AND IM SURE THE BUCK DOESNT STOP THERE!), and we GET IT, Adam has a massive ROD, and I’m sure (Power Top) Asher, his brother, isn’t that far off. Vic IS well endowed AND can make things EROTIC. And we all know about Jack, who is also well endowed but has, like, erectile dysfunction or whatever. Oh, and don’t forget Daddy Sorrentino is obvs a beast in the sheets, but I’ve been telling you guys that since, like, ever. And I’m honestly on a Jamie/Cunty Sabbatical atm, they’re going through a difficult time after Cunty cheated, so who really needs their dick-info broadcasted on top of all that, ya know? (Cunty deff comes in at an alleged 9 inches, which is bigger than Jamie, BUT he (Cunty) never uses his junk on Jamie because, like Asher, Jamie is a Power Top. (but you didn’t hear this from me). Look, if any guy is left off the list that you have interest in, like, just ask Phobe. I’m sure she’ll know.

But before we get started, Congratulations are in order! You guys voted on Hottie of the Moment, and we have a winner!

It’s none other than Miss Fraudi Zirconium herself (@heidistarks​) The queen of bargains has stormed onto the scene in her Wild Fable Couture and has CAPTIVATED the hearts of all Santa Monicans. In honor of her win, I am giving everyone a $25 gift card to Claire’s! If you go to their website and use offer code SharkThot, you too, can get the Heidi Look. When asked about her recent accomplishment she had this to say:

"It's about fucking time." - Fraudi Zirconium Stark, 2019

Congratulations, again Fraudi! You go girl, work that Forever 21 tracksuit, bitch!

NINE - ALEC CLARKE @alecxclarke​

One of the wangs in question that Lady X TOUCHED ON was Alec Clarke. She mentioned that Alec was more than likely LACKING in the his SOUTHERN MEAT DEPARTMENT. So obvs i had a BONE to pick with this assessment because Alec’s fan base is GETTING UP there with Jamie Carter’s so we have to know what he got in them jeans. Sadly ... while his junk is fine. His way around the bedroom is is abysmal, I honestly thought it was a PHALL-ACY but one girl who is one of his past flings, wrote to me after seeing Lady X’s post. She has asked to remain anonymous...

Hey DP (and Lady X),

I saw your post about Alec and you’re wrong about his size. He’s actually pretty girthy and lengthy or whatever. But he is honestly one of my worst encounters. We met on a dating app, that shall remain nameless. So fast forward to sexy time, and once we started making out it was a tragedy! No tongue, no passion. It was like kissing a mcfucking corpse! His lips were like, so dry, but, whatever, that’s not the problem. Once I started giving him a blow jay he just randomly burst into tears, and said he couldn’t do it anymore, and asked if I wanted to play fucking Yahtzee. I left and bought Listerine. I think you should look into if he is like this with all the girls, instead of his size. Bc that’s the real tea. Anyways, Love the Blog! Kisses!

Its always such a disappointment when this happens. OBVIOUSLY our HoneyBun Alec has some issues to work on. I know he has a Crazy life but I didn’t think things were this HARD for him.

Overall Rating: N/A

Favorite Position: Again, N/A. I could hardly find girls who’ve had sex with him ................. INCHresting. (Ok, that was the last one).

Downside: I mean, Hello? He breaks out in tears mid-coitus! He IS the downside!

Alec! Write into us with your side of the story! I prom (half a promise) that I won’t believe the rumors. Love ya, Honey Bun!

EIGHT - SKYLER DAVIS @skylerxdavis​

No idea where Lady X got the idea that he had the biggest LOVE MISSLE in town, but it is absolutely FALSE. And in fact, what I’ve heard about his performance in the bedzzzZzZzZzzzzzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzZzZzzzz ZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Overall Rating: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Favorite Position: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Downside: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZzzzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

Alleged Body Count: zzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzZzzzzZz

SEVEN - NOAH SINCLAIR @nhsinclair​

So next on the list is Noah Sinclair. This one will be brief, because it really threw me for a loop. So I’m sorry to report, that Noah has a Chode. I know. I’m actually crying while typing this but this is only the word on the street, so take it with a grain of salt.

“Darla” (fake name) wrote in to my blog to refute Lady X’s claims. She writes:

I’ve had half way sex with Noah one time and when he dropped his pants I literally laughed. Not to body shame or whatever, but I, like, couldn’t have sex with him because the condom didn’t fit. Sorry, didn’t have a Trojan Jr readily available? He’s good with his hands though.

So Noah has made the list in a sad and unfortunate entry. So ladies if you want Noah to DIP his NUGGET in YOUR sauce, you better make your move!

Maybe this is why he got that divorce. Ugh, poor Natasha. Let’s hope this is all a rumor, I would hate for it to be true.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (The hand thing is kind of important).

Favorite Position: Noah’s Nugget Number (No clue what this means, ask Diana or Natasha).

Downside: There is no downside if you, like myself, are privy to a good Nugget or two. #RanchPlease

MOVING ON!

SIX - LOGAN LANCASTER @loganlancaster​

Our next entry is none other than Long Dick Logan Lancaster. According to Lady X, Logan is average. Well I’m here to let you know that, thankfully, LDL lives up to his name (no nuggets here!). But you guys would have to get with him to truly find out how #blessed he is.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: Alligator Fuckhouse, according to sources. (DON’T Google it, live in ignorance).

Downside: The only reason, ya boi has gotten 4 stars instead of 5 is because of the rumors surrounding his hygiene. As we know, there’s been a debate on the internet about washing your legs. And Logan, an able bodied man, doesn’t do that. Nor does he take showers the way that he should. Many girls who’ve been with him have complained of smelling the stinch of onions and mildew while ENGAGING with him. Others have complained of a SALTY taste while going down on him. Most of the girls he’s BANGED have all been in the junkyard of his Auto Shop or whatever so maybe it’s a fetish for them? That’s no excuse for bringing that nasty ass behavior to every other girl in Santa Monica.

Thankfully a bunch of you have been sending body wash to his shop, so maybe we can LanCAST the mustiness away (If this is true).

Logan, please write in, I need to know the truth. But other than that, the dick is BOMB! But make sure you don’t over-do it on B.J. part though, sodium intake is v important and you wouldn’t want to get hypertension suckling on his salty ass COCK.

FIVE - EMRE YOGIOH @emre--yavuz

Ok, so next on the list is Emre Yugoslavia (or whatever his name is). Ok so ... buckle in ladies.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: The Lion King (I’m serious, don’t Google these things).

Downside: Ok, so Emre is supposedly into bondage. Which totally makes sense since he’s like, repressed from childhood. The whole missing sister thing really took a toll on his psych, since he’s parents totes forgot about him. Now he YEARNS for control. So the word is that he’s basically Christian Grey but not a literal abuser. He’s into bondage, slapping, SPITTING, choking, flogging, and whips and chains EXCITE HIM. An S&M Daddy! Now the only reason this is in the Downside section is because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Some girls find it disturbing, and others are totes into it. I’m the latter! Sign me the FUCK up! Choke me with those strong REPRESSED hands.

I noticed he and Olivia have been friendly recently, let’s hope she knows that she’ll be walking side to side after a night with him (no, but like, because of the flogging, not the dick). Once he’s done with those spread sheets at his hoity-toity big boy job, spread sheets take on a whole new meaning once the dawn comes. You go Emre Yahooligan! #callme

FOUR - DEVIN FLORES @devinxflores

First of all, I just want to give a big thanks to all of you for letting me call him Devin TORRES for the past few MONTHS like a complete MORON! I really appreciate you guys letting me disgrace the future KING of Santa Monica in such a terrible way! No really, you guys are the best. I love my fans <3.

Anyways, it’s well known that Devin and his Alaskan Bull Worm have burrowed through the city. Both the men and women alike have survived the DF experience, with ZERO complaints .... well, except for one ...

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: The Charizard (ONCE again, don’t Google. Just know that it involves fire ... And we aint talking about lighting no candles (which he allegedly seems to enjoy, how romantic!)).

Downside: As we have witnessed, Devin is a complete and total klutz! He is always getting himself into a bullshit that is literally all his fault. Didn’t he glue something to his head a few weeks ago -- actually, you know what? That’s not important. What I was getting at is, the main complaint about DaddyDevinFLORES is that during SACX the klutz JUMPS OUT. He has been rumored to have smacked his head on the headboard whilst switching positions (causing him to go UNCONSCIOUS for SEVERAL HOURS, which completely RUINS the mood). One of his Encounters even claimed that during a Romantic Toast of Wine, he clinked the glass so hard it broke and and SHARDS of GLASS went into his hands, causing him to bleed INSTANTLY. What the fuck, Devin?

How could someone who can handle balls so well out on the soccer court, not be able to handle them in the bedroom without accidentally falling out of a window in the process?

Ladies and Gents, much like Emre, Devin will have you walking Side to Side, but if it happens you might be suffering from brain damage after falling in the shower whilst trying to have sex with him. Please seek professional help immediately.

THREE - BERNBERN<3 @carverberncrd

Coming in at Number 3 is none other than Heidi’s personal play thing! We’ve seen his bulge through his Under Armour spanks, so Of Course I had to do a little research to find out the Lipton on HIS heat-seeker. I’ve reached out to his past flings and came to a general consensus.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The women I interviewed all confirmed he is an excellent LAY, so once again, I was right. BernBern<3 outsold your favs.

Favorite Position: Doggystyle (obvi)

Downside: He’s a Taurus so while he will indeed fuck you into a state of paralysis, it’s only to reach his Hedonistic Quota for the evening. He probs won’t even remember your name once he’s done, let alone learn it in the first place. So don’t get attached<3.

His star sign also explains his relationship with Fraudi. Not only are they both so annoyingly stubborn, but Two tops can rarely make it in a relationship. Just ask Ash — never mind. (Omg, btw Idk WHY everyone keeps asking. YES, the rumors are true! BernBern<3 gets pegged, but only by Heidi, it’s actually a testament to his masculinity and how he’s reached the apex of it at this point. But this is all old tea. So I guess Julian isn’t the only #DemonDick in the Stark Fam, Surprise?). Anyways, I ship them, but they get on my fucking nerves! They can’t even admit their undying love for each other, which is so obvious. But this isn’t about #Berni (working ship name), BernBern<3 has a massive COCK (and heart) and it has landed itself on the Top of the list.

TWO - SINRIQUE @itsenriqueaguilar

This one came as a surprise to me because I have no idea who this is. But yalls asses do! So here we have Enrique Aguilar, coming in at number 2 because of the OUTPOUR of receipts on the TALLY WACK ATTACK that he PACKS.

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: You know, there wasn’t a general consensus, he’s a man FULL of surprises.

Downside: No, you don’t understand, there is literally no downside. Look, here is a letter from one of the women he’s slept with. For reasons, you will understand REAL soon, this person has been kept anonymous.

Dear DP,

It’s been approximately 1 year, two months, 9 days, 5 hours, and 46 seconds since I Locked Eyes with Enrique from across a crowded room. That night would go to be on of the most invigorating, tantalizing, and romantic experiences of my life. But when I woke up the following morning HE was gone. I long for the day I see him again. My heart Aches at the thought of him with another women. Giving her the same love that HE gave to ME. I need you to understand that I was a grade A student at my university (4.0). I had an paid internship at an elite institution that OWULD HAVE LED ME INTO A PROMISING CAREER! BUT AFTER THAT NIGHT I BECAME RAVENOUS. I NEEDED MORE. AND IT CONSUMED ME! EVENTUALLY I LOST MY INTERN BECAUSE I STOPPED SHOWING UP! I FLUNKED OUT OF SCHOOL BECAUSE I DIDN’T CARE ANYMORE. I SEARCHED YOU ON ALL SOCIAL MEDIA BUT I COULDN’T FIND YOU! ENRIQUE I NEED YOU BACK IN MY LIFE! JUST FOR ONE MORE NIGHT! PEASE I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE! CALL ME AT [redacted]

Obviously Ivy, sent this in ... kidding (But honestly though? They did used to date, which ... yikes ... Good to know Daddy Rique has no standards, maybe we all have a chance. #shade #clapback #scalpt)

Anyways, I’ll have to keep an eye on this one, he seems to have a good head on his shoulders ... AND good head on his shoulders OKURRRRRR!!!

ONE - SEBASTIAN DELGADO @bashdelgado

That nerd that sat in the back of the classroom brainstorm his next nerdy ass invention with high-watered khakis, and orthopedic shoes in like, the ninth grade (because he was focused on Arch Support???????). That’s him, Sebastian Delgado. And Baby Daddy Bash has DITCHED the NERD LOOK and is now ready to SNATCH YOUR CAT BACK.

I’m sure everyone is just surprised as I am. But hey, they don’t call him “Bash” for nothing (except for the fact that it’s a shortened version of his name). He’s totes Bashing Puss with his MONSTROUS MEAT TRUNCHEON (and Buss?? Sebastian contact me about your sexuality).  

Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Favorite Position: Missionary, he’s a man of passion and likes to stare DEEP into your eyes. #swoon #romantic #westan

Downside: Well if you HATE Love and AFFECTION, this one is not the one for you. Not only does he have a GINORMOUS, UN-NUGGETED MEAT SEPTOR/LAP ROCKET/VAGINA MINER, which, by the way, last a LONG time, He is EXCELLENT BOYFRIEND Material! He’s caring, patient, kind, resourceful, loyal, and he is well on his way to becoming a multi-millionaire -- which is NOT the reason he is number one! Money is not the goal here ladies (and guys? Seriously Sebastian, I need to know what’s up).  

Sebastian is the complete package and he has ALL of the other guys in this town QUAKING!

So Stan A True Man. Stan .... Sebastian.

And that, my friends, ends the TRUE tea on the wangs in this town. This was fun while it lasted, but I have some COCKtails that need my attention (ok, maybe THAT was the last one).

xo, DP

[seaspree]

Warcross + Legend Timeline, Headcannons, and Speculations (Wildcard spoilers beware)

OMG so I just finished Wildcard, had my life shook, spent over an hour catatonic (by which I mean reminiscing by looking for nonexistent fanfictions and looking at Marie Lu’s IG posts like the stalker I am). Which culminated into considering what happens between the end of Wildcard and Legend.

Warcross time setting: according to Marie Lu on Twitter, it’s “set *almost* in present day, ie 10 years in the future!”. To make number crunching easier for us, let’s round to 2030.

Based upon that assumption, Hideo (21 years old) was born in 2009 (damn, I feel like a pedophile now that I realize he would only be 9 years old). Emika (18 years old) was born around 2012.

Legend time setting: According to Champion, the Three-Year Flood that eventually caused the formation of the Republic and the Colonies occurred around 2046.

Oof, turns out there’s still quite a bit of action left in our Warcross characters’ lives! By the time the Flood rolls around in 2046, Hideo will only be 37 years old while Emika’s at 34.

Based on the Legend trilogy, a lot of intellectuals and top-thinkers fled for either Antarctica or Africa (the latter if they were from Europe and didn’t live in Norway, France, Spain, Germany, and the British Isles). Considering Emika would have stayed in Japan since she became CEO of Henka Games, and Japan is pretty well known for tsunamis + the fact it’s an island, I think it’s a given that Hideo and Emika must have fled for Antarctica when the Flood hit. By this time, the NeuroLinks must have been well imbedded into the world again after it was reprogrammed, so the question is, what happened to them? The Republic and the Colonies clearly didn’t have them by the time Legend happened, and from how Antarctica is made to sound like this amazing utopia while others pale in comparison, it seems like the other superpowers of the time (China and Africa) also do not have NeuroLinks anymore. Did Hideo/Emika/Henka decide to disconnect or change the link in the process of forming the new government in Antarctica, using NeuroLink as the basis?

And what happened to the Phoenix Riders, Tremaine, Jax, and Sasuke?

Well, let’s see.

Asher Wing — that’s easy. He went back to LA, and then had kids with Hammie (?) or maybe his brother (Daniel) had kids, and then give or take a hundred fifty years, we have Day. Although... that would mean he spent the rest of his days under Republic rule, probably never hearing from his friends again. (I realize this is all a headcannon, but here’s a headcannon of my headcannon: he has an optimized form of NeuroLink ‘cause he’s friends with Emika and Hideo ofc and he can direct link with them and the others!)

Hammie — said she was going back to Houston at the end of Wildcard along with frequent visits to LA. Presuming she and Asher got married and presuming Day descends from Asher’s side of the family and not Daniel’s, she moved to LA to be with him. She also spends the rest of her days suppressed under Republic rule.

Roshan — UK, said he was going back to London at the end of Wildcard. According to Champion, the British Isles still exist, so I’ll assume the UK is going strong. Well, as strong as it can; it’s not considered a superpower anymore.

Tremaine — Presumed to join Roshan in London. We can also assume they got married and adopted kids and then lost touch with everyone after the Flood. Yikes, this is getting depressing real fast.

Jax — Considering her ability to kill, it seems justifiable to say that many people have died by her hand. Thus, as much as it kills me on the inside to say on this, I think Jax ended up with a life sentence at the end of Wildcard, with a parole (since she was basically manipulated into killing) after x amount of years, which we’ll assume never happens, because the Flood happens around 16 years after the events of Warcross. I’m assuming her parole was after 25 years of good behavior. In this case, I foresee two possible outcomes.

THE BAD OUTCOME: Let’s be honest, Japan probably gets flooded real fast because 1) low elevation, 2) ocean!, 3) its a tsunami hotspot. Everyone’s going to be climbing skyscrapers via ninety flights of stairs; no one cares about the prisoners. She drowns.

THE GOOD OUTCOME: No one cares about the prisoners (by which I mean only Jax) except Sasuke and Emika. I foresee Sasuke hacking the codes and breaking her out of prison while alerting Emika to pick her up. Jax goes to Antarctica with Emika and Hideo. So I guess the Flood is a blessing; I don’t think I can bear thinking about Jax spending her entire life behind bars.

Sasuke — seems to be the only person who I’m not sure where he went... he’s literally data, the Internet, a worm, right? So theoretically, as long as the Web exists, he does, too. Of course, the NeuroLink was destroyed/disappeared somewhere along the line in pretty much the entire world. Perhaps the connections of computers between nations were also similarly severed, no longer allowing Sasuke to access every single piece of online information.

Perhaps he is the part of the algorithm behind the NeuroLink seen as a part of life and society in Antarctica in Champion. When June wonders how exactly an action is determined as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, maybe he has a hand in deciding.

Or perhaps, he can access all the computers in the world, and that’s why Antarctica has so much information stored in those cylindrical simulation booths of theirs.

Wildcard may have had a more or less happy ending, but with so many possibilities and the Flood so close by, it’s very possible that our beloved characters’ ultimate endings are more sad than not :C

[sydbauman]

Zero Tolerance made us into a supervillain

Caitlin Dickerson’s frightening and moving article We Need to Take Away Children was the cover story of the September 2022 issue of The Atlantic magazine. It reports on the US “Zero Tolerance” policy, the policy of deliberately separating immigrant children from their parents. It should be required reading for everyone. At least everyone who can read English. It is not just a “this was awful” piece, but also dives deeply into who wanted this policy, what they did to get it enacted, and who failed to stop it and why.

In a letter to the editor in the Novemeber 2022 issue, Dr. Ranit Mishori reports that Physicians for Human Rights asserts that the policy in question meets the UN’s criteria for torture. I am not sure it does — but if it does not meet those criteria, it is worse. Criterion (3) is that torture is “for the purpose of coercion, punishment, or intimidation”. I do not know if that criterion is limited to coercion, punishment, or intimidation of the person being tortured or not. While it is clearly torturous to a 3 year old to be forcibly removed from her parents, in this case, the U.S. government policy was in place not to coerce or punish or intimidate the 3 year old, or even her parents. The policy existed to intimidate third parties, namely the victim’s countrymen who might be contemplating an attempt at entry into the United States. Let me state that more succinctly: we were torturing person A (a child, no less) not to extract information or change the behavior of person A, or even of her parents (person B), but rather in an attempt to affect the behavior of person C. Leaving aside the question of what on earth made people like Stephen Miller think that the average Venezuelan contemplating an attempt at crossing the US border is going to have a clue what US immigration policy is like — let’s be clear, the mule who wants to charge an outlandish fee to help transport him and his family is not going to tell him — this is worse than “normal” torture. In fact, this behavior – torturing one person to affect the behavior of someone else — is so heinous it is exactly what Hollywood has the bad guy do whenever they want the audience to cheer when the good guy kills the bad guy without any due process at the end of the film.

Think about it. In Jack Reacher: Never Go Back the Hunter (Patrick Heusinger’s character) threatens to torture, and then abducts and threatens to kill, 15 year old Samantha in an attempt to control Jack Reacher’s behavior. In The Dark Knight the Joker tortures and kills people, particularly Brian Douglas, in order to try to get Batman to “take off his mask and turn himself in”. In Olympus Has Fallen Kang Yeonsak tortures several people, including Secretary of Defense Ruth McMillan, in order to coerce President Benjamin Asher to give him the code to Cerberus. In Skyfall Raoul Silva tortures (and then kills) Sévérine, in part as punishment for her betrayal, but mainly just to upset James Bond. Heck, Darth Vader himself does exactly this in The Empire Strikes Back: he tortures Leia Organa and Han Solo for the sole purpose of luring Luke Skywalker into a trap.

It is hard to swallow that we, the United States of America, are behaving not just like the villain in this story, but like a supervillain.

[qqueenofhades]

I was (?) a Lyatt shipper who loved Flynn since S1 bc I love a good bad boy. I've been sympathetic to him since the 70s (ha!) when we found out about his wife and kid being murdered. So I found your blog and was loving all the Flynn stuff but I wasn't into Garcy. Thought "ew"--isn't he more like cool young uncle material for her? Fast forward to today and I have read every Garcy ff you have written and have fallen completely into the trash can. I know you prob hear this a lot lately...(1)

(2) but I wanted to thank you so much for writing The Tangled Web of Fate. What a masterpiece! You make the storyline in the same tone as canon somehow. You really have Flynn’s emotions and voice down pat. So good. Makes me believe in Garcy. In fact, makes me want Jessica and Logan to figure out their crap and that way everyone can be happy bc at this point I don’t want Jessica to be unhappy or go away either. Anyway, I went from Garcy sounds gross to GIVE ME MORE. So thanks?

(3) sorry. I feel panicked that we are running out of time (unoriginal pun) and might only get 5 more episodes and Flynn won’t get the full character development and happy ending he deserves. If it were up to you, would you give him a redemption arc and a happy ending or would you keep him as garbage boss? Also, dude is a full head taller than the industrial fridge in the bunker and they need to find a couch he can be comfy in. He looks like a giant living in a tiny house. My poor baby.

Ahaha. This delights me to no end, ngl. My powers are groooowing. And you have given me a lot to talk about here, so thanks. :)

Honestly, the people insisting on reading Garcy as familial/platonic/theorizing that Flynn is somehow Lucy’s son/they’re otherwise related are… very confusing to me? To say the least. Though to be totally frank, it’s often clearly by people who have an agenda in discrediting Garcy as a viable alternative to Lyatt (which they… probably don’t need to do, I mean for better or worse, the writers have made their preference/narrative direction clear. Alas). I obviously have no problem with people shipping whatever they want in whatever way they do, but… yeah, Garcy’s vibe ain’t platonic or familial (and if for some wild reason they DID end up Magically Related, like Flynn was somehow Lucy’s long-lost brother from an alternate universe or whatever, I wouldn’t stop shipping it, or even writing smut for it. I’d be like, “well writers, you got yourself into this with this far-fetched and illogical forced plot twist that does not fit with anything that has been written or acted beforehand, so I’m going to just go for Time Traveling Flowers in the Attic. Ooops?”) I’ve had plenty of posts with the way Flynn looks at/acts around Lucy (just saying, if my uncle looked at me like that, I would make sure never to be alone with him at family events) and the way she’s started to look back at him. And Goran Visnjic has straight up said that Flynn is “infatuated” with Lucy and we’ve had a lot of teasing about “does Flynn have a thing for Lucy” re: 2x06 that makes me wonder if we’re going to get some kind of more explicit confirmation of the way he feels about her. Goran has also encouraged us to read between the lines, so people can want it to be just a friendship (because they prefer another romantic partner for Lucy, and again, that’s fine, whatever) but he’s consciously acting it as a pretty romantic fascination. So yes. We aren’t just making that up.

Also, just saying, we KNOW who Flynn’s mom is, she’s a named and identified character, she appeared in an episode, Rittenhouse was originally sending Rufus, Lucy, and Assassin Goon to kill her in 1x15 with the aim of erasing Flynn from history. So “Flynn is Lucy’s son” is just… did you guys not notice Maria Thompkins? Who was awesome and I love her? Besides, if Flynn was Lucy’s son, she wouldn’t NEED time travel to meet him, and we know the journal is connected to new time tech (traveling on your own timeline). He couldn’t be anything less than her grandson and that would still be ludicrously complicated, as it would require Lucy to have Maria at some point while traveling in the past, then… straight up abandon her, then go back to her own timeline, then wait for Flynn to grow up, then travel back to meet him…. etc. It’s a mess. We know Flynn’s parents’ names (Asher Flynn and Maria Thompkins); hell, we know more about his family than we do about Wyatt’s. Why is no one theorizing that Wyatt is secretly Flynn and Lucy’s son? (I kid, I kid. But still. It makes about as much sense, if not more, which is to say it doesn’t.)

Anyway yes, I always felt like that was a pretty transparent attempt to make Garcy a non-romantic option in order to remove it as a shipper threat, but that doesn’t mean people can’t ship it as a friendship/brotp. I’m just saying, however, that it has been (at least certainly on Flynn/Goran’s end) played as a romantic thing, even if latent and unspoken and complicated. (Also, he went really quickly for the “honey…” and “what my wife failed to mention” lines in 1x11 and 2x04, so even if Flynn won’t admit it, he instinctively sees Lucy in some way as his wife.) So yes. Making them related would be a COMPLETELY illogical stretch, but… if they did that, yeah, I’d probably still ship it. (Shrug emoji.) Because I would recognize that the council had made a decision, but given as it was a stupid-ass decision, would elect to ignore it. (Insert Nick Fury gif here.)

Next, I am obviously glad that you are enjoying my fic and it has converted you to one of us. I started writing the Wyatt/Jessica stuff before she arrived back on the show and am rather pleased with how nicely it fits. Wyatt in canon needs a serious reality check, which I am hoping he gets. I obviously forgave Flynn for being a total fuckup and hurting everyone, I am absolutely willing to do the same for Wyatt, but he needs to have the “well shit I’ve been a selfish ass and am going to substantively make up for it” moment first. I hope the big finale moment is him finally owning up to his dickish behavior and putting everyone else first and otherwise reversing course. Because yeah. I’m judging.

Lastly, I WORRY ALL THE TIME ABOUT US GETTING CANCELLED AFTER THIS SEASON BECAUSE IT WOULD BE A TRAVESTY. A TRAVESTY. The short season has always hurt us narratively, though of course it’s great to get it, but then to cut it off there with no more space at all… god. It gives me the shudders just to think about. And one of the reasons is yes, give me my full redeemed-antihero Garcia Flynn redemption arc. Goran has talked a lot about how we’re seeing more of his real nature this season, and just yes. We saw throughout season 1 that Flynn hated to do a lot of what he was doing, but he did it anyway in the larger purpose of bringing down Rittenhouse (and nobody has yet acknowledged that he was right all along about them…we need more conversations/authentic character moments, guys, NOT SOAPY RELATIONSHIP DRAMA. JUST SAYING). He never really WANTED to be a garbage disaster, but he loved his wife and daughter more, and he was dedicated to taking Rittenhouse down to the point that he thought he couldn’t return to them even if he did save them. So no, he was not a character who was just out there burning shit down for the fun of it (though he does enjoy it in some ways, because… he’s a disaster). But Flynn’s character file in canon has him fighting in a lot of small-scale liberation wars (Chechnya, Bosnia, Kosovo, etc) against occupying/oppressive regimes, and that’s basically what he’s doing with Rittenhouse. He is a good man with a very strong moral code, but also a very grey one. He has correctly identified the overall enemy and is dedicated to destroying them, but he won’t be the hero wringing his hands over it because “it’s not right” to use violence. Which the Time Team is leaning on themselves (they basically left Flynn in 1934 to be a hitman, so… no more judgey remarks about “he’s a killer” would be nice, guys. You know he is and you’re using that because you need it.)

So yes. Flynn doesn’t WANT to be a garbage disaster, so it would be cruel to keep him as one. He is sassy as hell, but he also seems happier working with the team than he ever really did alone (as Goran has also discussed). Again: MORE CONVERSATIONS!!! Did Flynn just see it as business in trying to take out the team before, since they were trying to stop him from taking down Rittenhouse, and now that they agree on who the threat is, he’s happy to work with them? Is Garcia “why do I even delegate” Flynn really trusting them (at least aside from Lucy, who he clearly does) to do what’s needed, or does he essentially think he still has to do it himself? DEVELOPMENT PLEASE!

I wanted Flynn to permanently join the team ever since 1x10 (as that episode threw me down the dumpster in SO many ways) so obviously, I want that to keep up. The 2x07 pic of him and Rufus clasping hands made me hella emotional (also: we still haven’t had a Flogan scene since Flynn arrived in 2x03 and Wyatt stormed out in a hissy fit…still judging for skipping the Messy Boys Trip in 2x05). I want him to be developed and integrated more into the team and made a part of them, because I’m a hopeless sucker for villain becomes weird family member and redeemed antihero and found family and enemies-to-lovers/enemies-to-friends. So yes. Please don’t screw it up, guys.

(Also yes. Yes, I noticed him being taller than the god damn fridge at the end of 2x05. He’s HUGE and it’s ridiculous.)

[running-tweezers]

I hear “Hey babe, look”

Then look up to see my husband flick the light switch off and he’s holding a light up novelty ice cube in his mouth.

Asher-coded behavior honestly.

[fatesinthenight]

What about darks and wilfrods kids about as like teens 15/16 ? Maybe so trouble making?

Aurora puts her notebook into her bag when the bell rings. It was final period and she had to head off home soon after. If she gets just a bit late home her father starts to worry. As much as you other parent tells Dark she is fine he still gets antsy. When she stands up someone bounces right in front of her very enthusiastically.

“Aurora!! Want to help me today. I need to make a banner for the next football game and I need you my lady.” Bliss’s eyes sparkle.

“I can’t today I should be going home sorry.” Aurora smiles softly.

“Awwwww please!!! I need you. You know my handwriting sucks and your’s is so pretty.” Bliss holds Aurora’s hands pleading. “Please!!!”

“My father wouldn’t want me out so late.” Aurora tells her.

“Just ask him. Tell him I’m here with you and we will be fast.” Bliss pouts showing her big brown eyes. It almost looks like the pink in her hair is glowing from how bright it is.

“Ummmm ok. I can try.” Aurora takes out her phone and speed dials her father. He answers at the first ring. “Father I was just calling to ask if I can stay after school for a while.”

“What for?” He asks sternly.

“To help make a banner for a football game.” Aurora said shyly.

“Hi Uncle Dark!!” Bliss yells into the phone. “She is helping me out. It’s all good. I’m totally going to be with her the whole time, don’t worry.”

“Your the spawn of Wilford of course I’m concerned. Is it just you or…” Dark is already not liking this.

“HELLO UNCLE DARKY!!!” Asher bursts in draping his arms around the girls. “ I will very much look after them.”

“Fantastic… Both spawns are there…” Dark knows the twins are a handful, just like their father. “Will it be quick.”

“Ummm yes father. I will go home straight after.” Aurora said.

“Dark let her go have fun. You are such a overbearing dad I swear.” Darling comes in. “Cutie take your time. Your father is just a worry wart. Have fun!” They hang up the phone cutting off Dark starting to protest.

“See your good now. Yay for the fun parent stepping in!” Bliss claps happily.

“Ok let’s go before Uncle Dark decides to take us all.” Asher pushes the girls out the door.

The three of them have a large paper rolled out at the gym floor. Other students are around making the other banners for the game as well. The other girls giggle and look at Asher as he does a hair flip and winks at them. His pink floof shining in the light as much as his twin sister’s. Bliss skips about humming brining in the paint they are going to use, a good amount of it is pink. The three notice how much the colors they brought were very opposite. Aurora had black and grey while the twins had pink and yellow.

“Hmmm so then…. Writing in black and decorations in pink and yellow. The grey can be hmmmmm…” Bliss thinks.

“We don’t have to use it.” Aurora said. “Sorry for picking dull colors.”

“O no don’t be. I think you can make one letter black and the next one grey.” Asher insists.

“Ok plan in action. Ready team go!” Bliss plops to the floor.

Aurora moves her brush so carefully and swiftly. It takes no effort at all as she writes. Bliss is painting on some yellow and pink confetti humming a tune. Asher paints some swirls at the edge of the banner making a border, he plops a big dot at the corners. Things were peaceful…for now.

“Wow Aurora being social that’s new.” A cheerleader snickers. “Of course she paints in black. For someone who wears white she is such a goth sometimes.”

“Hey watch it.” Bliss stands up.

“O Bliss why do you keep such losers around you. For a cheerleader like you you could spend your time with such better people.” Another cheerleader giggles.

“Then again she had no choice. No one wants to be near her. She is a freak.” The first cheerleader laughs. “No one wanted to help her with her banner. I fee bad your cute brother has to deal with your excessive bubbly attitude. So annoying.”

Bliss huffs. “Like he would want to be near such snobs.”

“Ummm everyone lets be nice. We are all just making some banners ok.” Aurora stands between them.

“This has nothing to you with you.” Cheerleader two bumps Aurora.

A splat of black paint gets on the cheerleader’s clothes. She looks at herself and gasps. Aurora does a small gasp and Bliss holds in laughter. The first cheerleader looks up at the girls but they have no brushes. It was then Asher walks out with a big paintbrush full of black paint.

“Oops… My hand slipped.” He shrugs.

“Are you kidding me!” The second cheerleader looks at him appalled. “Be that way!” She picks up a heavily coated brush with pink paint and throws it at him. It gets on his pink button up shirt and yellow shirt underneath it. He smudges the paint on his cheek.

“Girlie if you haven’t noticed.” He motions to himself. “Pink is my color.”

“And this.” The other cheerleader splats black on him.

Asher just takes it. Bliss however is different. She takes a tube of paint and squirts it onto the cheerleader’s faces. They squeal and wipe it off as much as they can. They drop and grab more paint splattering it on Bliss. She retaliates and flings more paint. Other students see this and come over to watch. They get to close and get some paint on them. It’s now and all out paint fight. Everything throwing paint at each other from left to right. Aurora tries to stay out of it but one cheerleader slaps some red on her back. Asher jumps in and flings some yellow in defense. He tries to shield her knowing she did not want to participate. Bliss is on full attack laughing and twirling around tossing paint. The gym is a complete mess. Everyone stops when some teachers burst in the door.

“WHAT IS GOING ON!!!” They shout.

“It was their fault! They started it.” The cheerleaders point to Asher, Bliss, and Aurora.

“Why am I not surprised…” One teacher shakes his head.

The three still covered in paint stand in the principle’s office. Bliss and Ashe are very used to being here, Aurora is not. She looks so scared and nervous looking down at the floor ashamed. The principle gets off the phone.

“Your fathers said they will be on their way. I can see you two being the cause of this.” The principle eyes the twins. “However Aurora I am very disappointed in you.”

“She didn’t do anything.” Asher speaks up.

“My cutie never participates in such shenanigans.” Bliss said. “She only has paint before of everyone else throwing it. And look she has a handprint on her back! Someone did that to her.”

“Can I really trust you two on that.” The principle looks back and forth between them all.

“Look I started it. I take full blame on this.” Asher steps up.

“Ash…” Bliss looks at her brother.

“Very noble of you but from others statements they say it was the three of you.” The principle adds.

“Well they are stupid and lying.” Bliss huffs.

“Watch your tone Miss Warfstache.” The principle scolds her. “It’s already defiant enough I allow you and your brother to have your hair pink. It’s against code.”

“It’s natural…” Bliss twirls her pink bangs.

“And for the thousand time I don’t believe you. Now you three are going to be suspended for a week and have to clean the whole gym.” The principle would say more but the door opens to the office.

“Mr. Principle we meet again.” Wilford strolls in happily. He looks at the teens. “This is a new look. Very artsy and such. You look great.” He gives a thumbs up.

“Mr. Warfstache your children started a paint war in my gym and caused a mess.” The principle gives Wilford a look.

“Hmmm acrylic or oil paint? O was it a paintball gun.” Wilford asks.

“What? Why does that matter?” The principle looks confused.

“It does trust me.” Wilford insists.

“Acrylic.” The principle is still confused.

“O then it’s not my kids. They would have used a paintball gun.” One Wilford should have gladly given to them.

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is that your children have no discipline and I can see their father doesn’t care.” The principle judges Wilford.

“I care about my children. I raise them well with my Star. They are teenagers. You know those rebellion stages. Better let it all out now right?” Wilford shrugs.

“Mr.Warfstache they have able to get into clubs to get their so called energy out but it seems they still have a lot to learn. You convinced me to allow Bliss into cheerleading and Asher to football. Yes they have made up their grades but this only proves that they are immature and can’t grow up. You need to be a parent do something about it. I feel like your S/O have their hands full raising three children instead of two.” The principle hit a nerve.

“You don’t think I can-” Wilford has that look in his eye.

“Daddy.” Bliss holds Wilford’s hand that he didn’t realize was a fist. He looks down at her and relaxed his hand.

“Don’t think of questioning how he raises his own children.” Dark now comes in. “You have your own to deal with properly.”

“Father… I…” Aurora looks up at her father slowly.

“We will discuss this later.” He doesn’t look at her. She shrinks.

“What are you implying Mr. Dark?” The principle sits up.

“I mean your girls have been misbehaving and you have been ignoring their behavior.” Dark has his hands behind his back.

“Excuse me?” The principle gets angry.

“What? Did you think it would go unnoticed?” Dark tilts his head. “It’s so perfect that they get perfect scores on all of their tests when it’s obvious they don’t study at all. Their homework is well done when in class they can’t seem to answer any question right. Or if we look back to the security footage it clearly shows them both paying another student for their essays. You let them do this and have them keep their place in the cheerleading team. You want the good image of perfect little girls. So if I bring one of your girls in here not and put her hand by the handprint on my daughters back it won’t me a match will it?”

“Ooooooo.” Wilford looks so entertained.

“Shall we discuss this further then. In private.” Dark looms over the principle.

“You three stand out in front. We so got this.” Wilford nudges the teens outside.

They stand out the door almost feeling bad for their principle. After a while Dark and Wilford come out. Wilford winks at the teens but Dark just walks pass. The kids follow their parents outside the school. Once outside the gate they prepare themselves.

“Dad… I really did start it.” Asher holds his arm. “I just didn’t like those cheerleaders talking crap about my sister and Aurora. I lost my cool… Sorry.”

Wilford signs and puts his hands on Asher’s shoulders. “Asher Damien Warfstache. You are so much like a friend of mine. Always wanting to take care of the people you care about.” He ruffles his son’s hair. “Just skip the paint next time ok? Even thought that must have been really hilarious.” He looks at his girl. “Bliss Candy Rose Warfstache. You are by far a force to be reckoned with. You step up for those around you.” He shakes his head and his pink hair comes back with his pink mustache. “You two scamps are the best. Even if others think your different I love it. I love everything about you two and if other can’t see how great you two are then they are stupid. Besides… Your too cool for them anyway.”

“Dad…” The twins smile at their dad.

“Also you two are grounded for two weeks.” Wilford pats their backs. “And your (mom/dad) is going to kill you so… Your own your own there.”

“Throwing your children to fend for themselves… Traitor.” Asher shakes his head.

“Can’t blame your old man for not wanting to be banished to the couch again.” Wilford holds his hands up.

Wilford smiles at his twins and walk away with them. He waves at Aurora and Dark and makes a portal for himself and the twins. When they are gone Aurora gets nervous. She looks up at her father and doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t look at her and just puts and arm around her shoulders and leads her into a dark portal. They walk into their house and he walks off to his office and closes the door. Aurora just starts sniffling and heads off to take a shower to clean up. Now in new clothes she stands in front of her dad’s office. She turns to see her (mom/dad) tell her it’s ok and to go in.

Aurora knocks first and hears her dad say enter. She walks in and feels Dark Chica beside her following her in, comforting her. She stands away from her fathers desk watching him fill out some documents. Aurora fiddles with her curls and looks up at her father. “Father… I… I’m sorry.”

He looks up at her. “I made a deal with your principle. He decided that you and the twins will not be suspended. You will however still clean the gym but not alone. Those two girls of his who antagonized you will be doing a good amount of the work. They also have been taken off the cheerleading team. You will not have this on your record. Now tell me what is there to be sorry for when you did nothing wrong?”

“I… I tried to… Not have them fight. It’s my fault they started bad mouthing Bliss. If I want not there it could have been better. I mean I’m the nice one… The one people think they can walk over. And I let them because… I don’t want to get mad… I don’t want to… Loose it again…” Aurora remembers being in elementary school and having a moment where she lost it, she didn’t want that again.

Dark stands and goes to his daughter. He brushes her hair from her face and sees she has tears forming. He wipes them away. She sniffles and he pulls her into his arms. She thought he was going to tell her off be more upset with her but instead he just holds her and runs a hand through her hair, soothing her. He looks at her in the eye.

“You are not weak. The best part about you is they you have such a big heart. Yes it is a dangerous thing to have but you protect it. I try to keep you for ever getting it broken and I know you are scared of losing control. I worry about you, too much as your (mom/dad) saids. Aurora you are a gift. You and Darling. Don’t ever let anyone walk over you. You are strong. Understand.” He wipes your cheeks.

“Ok…” Aurora smiles at him. “Thank you father.” She hugs him, snuggling him. “I love you.

"I love you too Aurora.” He kisses her head. “Go do your homework. Your still going to be a straight A student. No child of mine is going to let a stupid thing get on her record.”

“I will.” Aurora smiles and kisses her fathers cheek. She leaves his office with Dark Chica following her.

As she is halfway done with her work her phone goes off. She sees who it is and answers it. “Spark?”

“Aurora are you ok! Asher told me what happened. You didn’t get hurt did you?” Spark worries over the phone.

“I’m ok Spark.” She giggles. “It’s all ok.”

[campoverlook-if]

Progress Update #4// 4/3/24

Hey everyone, just wanted to update you all on the story.

I've started a new process for the past few days where I write for two hours and then take fifteen-thirty minute breaks in between. I'm still blanking on what to write for a section sometimes, but I'm really trying not to have grayed out choices again. That was NOT fun.

Still, the writing process shouldn't be forced, but sometimes you just really need to kick your own ass and grab that text file by the ears. Plus, this is the most productive I've felt since getting my wisdom teeth removed.

In celebration of this new bout of inspiration, here's a sneak peek of an upcoming scene you may encounter in the update.

Alright, that's it. This girl can't just bully you away because she doesn't like you. You hadn't even done anything when she first started acting nasty towards you. Yes, you may have walked away in the middle of a conversation, but she had been so…aggressive. You weren't just going to stand there and take it, and you definitely weren't going to start now. So, you take a step closer to Claire, giving her a leveled glare of your own. "Last time I checked, this table doesn't belong to you." Tension quickly fills the air around the two of you. Claire doesn't respond to your retort, but she doesn't need to. Her body language gives you all the information you need to know.

Ooooh boi, what the hell did you do to make Claire this mad at you. And on the first day? Tragic.

Along with that we'll be getting into a few things before finally ending episode 1:

Reworked the gender system of the counselors. Now you can choose from the beginning how you want them to be.

Added the choice to be non-binary (a new batch of campers, hooyay!). Also need to add onto scenes with Asher, Claire, and Lucas.

Meeting the final two counselors (Ruby and Silas).

An added scene with E for returning MCs during your walk to the mess hall.

Going through orientation, including a fun scavenger hunt (Uncle Robert said it would be fun, don't believe him).

A small scene with your new roommates in your cabins.

I'm so excited just thinking about it, and I'm the one writing the dang story.

If you hadn't seen it yet, I answered an ask a little bit ago about doing visuals for the blog. I'm not the best at visual media (that's more my mother's thing) but I can use a character maker like a mf if I have too.

It was kinda nice, a little limiting, but it was surprisingly helpful for me to have it. I've thought about how these characters look for so long it's strange to suddenly see them brought to life in any type of way except text. The character bios have been updated with these pictures now.

(UPDATE: LITERALLY MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT DECISION: SLEEP DEPRIVED AF BEHAVIOR)

So, I wrote this update yeaterday and was planning for it to just post through queue like I normally do, but the situation has changed. The demo will be updated again, however the stopping point is literally the same. The only major changes are the gender system, adding being non-binary, and having everything on one file (pray for me). The stopping point is still the same.

All in all the word count is now at this point: 57k (W/O Code), 14K (average). Not a huge jump average wise, but I'm happy anyway.

Link to demo here.

(END OF EMERGENCY UPDATE)

That's all I wanted to talk about for now, if you run into any bugs just let me know and I'll fix it lickity split.

See you all on the next update!

P.S. - I love it when new people follow and only like the posts of certain counselors. I know who you're into now ;).

[abdicatedarchive]

not a date || rose and asher

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍: TBD // early march 2021.

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: rose x asher.

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒: drug mention.

𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐒: rose does her best to keep up her side of the bet, asher is not exactly thrilled. 

Rose got off her bed and changed out of her sweats in preparation for Asher picking her up to go get a slice of pizza. She figured that it would all be harmless, she was definitely not going to lose the bet with Marina over Asher. He had made it abundantly clear that he was available any time she wanted, and it made it easy to say no. She loved the chase, and with Asher there was no such thing. It was either on or off. She heard a knock on her door and opened it, bag in hand, "Let's head out" she said with a smile as she stepped out and locked her door behind her.

Asher slipped on a pair of jeans and a black tee shirt and headed over to roses dorm. Asher promised to be on his best behavior and he was willing to see how@long that lasted. Either way, him and rose could hang out without it being like that. Knocking on her door, the brunette smiled. “Hey babes. You ready?” He said “alrighty, let’s go.” He said with a smile as the started walking out of the dorms.

Rose walked by his side as they left the dorm building, "The real question is, what kind of toppings man are you?" she asked, you could tell a lot about people by the kind of pizza toppings they get. It was always a band conflict when it was time to order pizza, there were just a lot of differing opinions and they almost always had to split things or just say fuck it and get plain cheese. Sometimes it was strange walking campus with Asher, he had been here longer and had a very established reputation, she tried not to think about it. That was very high school of her to think about what other people were thinking of her just for walking in the evening with a boy. No one actually cared here, in fact most people just minded their own damn business. It must be the trauma reaction from having a gossip page at school.

Asher shrugged. "I mean, I'll eat anything on my pizza. I'll even eat it all." He said, He wasn't picky at all. He loved all different kinds of pizza. Anything would make him happy really. "What do you like on your pizza?" He questioned. Asher knew he had a bit of a rep around this campus but he didn't really care. No one cared to look beyond the surface of him so he only gave them surface effort. Except for Rose, she was able to see deeper, understand him a bit more and he liked that, he liked having someone that could see past the hot jock with a nice  dick game.

Rose continued to walk by his side, "I like artichokes, olives, and red onions" said the girl, "pretty much any veggie pizza." Their friendship is weird, she knew that he used her like he used everybody else. But at least most of the time they were able to cut the bullshit and just be friends, and good ones at that. She also wasn't totally blameless, she used him from time to time too. Of course, with the bet that was completely off the table. God, why did she suggest it? But a challenge was a challenge, and it had already gotten her out of her comfort zone.

Asher shrugged. "Thats cool, Yeah I just hate mushrooms, well the non drug kind." He said with a laugh. "So, I want to know a bit more about this challange? I mean, What Marina doesn't know doesn't hurt her and you know me. I can keep a secret babes." He said with a laugh. "Either way, Its just a weird bet to make, it could last months." 

Rosemary laughed when he asked about the challenge, "I would never betray the sanctity of a bet. It's a moral code issue. If I cheat, then all rules are off the table for the next one, and that's no fair" said Rose, laughing a little. The whole thing was really ridiculous, she had no idea why she suggested it in the first place. "Yeah, but we're both in a weird place right now, and not distracting ourselves with people is probably for the best. It's also good to get out of your comfort zone, I dunno" she explained as she looked up at the stars. "Hopefully it won't last until the summer, that would be awful. One of us will break, and if it was worth it, I would" she admitted.

“I do give you that, cheating isn’t fair.” Asher said, he just liked to temp people. Rose was hard, she knew what she wanted. People like Romeo Asher could have wrapped around his finger and play them like putty. He respected the hell out of rose tho. “Honestly that sounds pretty healthy if you both.” Asher said with a nod. “But yeah, if it lasts till the summer I’d be surprised. I could never go that long without flirting. Sometimes I’m flirting and I don’t even realize. I’m also a hot mess so there is that.” 

"There's also a difference between intentional flirting and unintentional flirting. I think flirting that would lead to anyone asking for your number or to hangout counts. But banter is another thing. I don't think I can physically talk to someone and not be a little tease-y flirty" Rose said, thinking out loud. They hadn't really discussed what defined flirting, but she believed it was if you were planning on something. "I mean, all three of us are kinda a hot mess. Flirting is just second nature" she said as they came up to the restaurant.

“I give you props, Hollingsworth. You impress me. And I will be watching carefully and reporting any flirting I see if you directly to the queen herself.” He said with a laugh. He opened the door of the pizza place for her. He might be a fuck boy but he did know manners. “After you,” he said with a smile. “I’ll do some extra flirting for you, you know, out of solidarity. I’ll be flirting for two next party.”

"Wow, thank you so much for holding me to such a high standard" said Rose giving him a playful shove. That definitely didn't count. "Thank you" she replied as he opened the door for her and smiled. "Awww, how sweet. Think of me when you do it" she teased, her and Marina had gone to a few parties so far under their new conditions. They had had a lot of fun, the night always ended with drunk eating and spending time with their girl friends. It was actually kind of refreshing to not go to some grimey dorm room with a guy and not know what you're in for.

"Of course, anything for you babes. You hold the highest standards in my eyes." He said playfully, though he did respect the shit out of the girl. "I know, I am just the best. And lets be real, would I think of anyone else?" He said playfully. He had that issue, not necessarily with thinking of Rose... sometimes it would be Romeo, other times MAdden, most of the time it would be David beckham or Megan Fox. Asher had some good friends, but he was never too close with many people and sometimes that hurt him sometimes. But thats what he liked about rose, she was always there when he needed it. "So what kinda pizza do you want, it's on me."

The girl smiled, she enjoyed her time with Asher. He could turn it on when he wanted to, she had to give him that. He was a little much for some people, but she thrived off of messy people sometimes. With the right energy, you could clean them right up. She had Asher pretty together when he was around her. "Just cheese pizza" she said sweetly, it was to avoid any complications. She liked food orders to be cut and dry, no options for anyone to have to pick anything off or any way they could do it wrong. How could anyone mess up a cheese pizza? "So what's with the chivalry this evening?" she inquired, wondering why he was on such good behavior.

Asher smiled. "You got it." He said ordering a cheese pizza and handing the dude his debit card. Turning back to her he smiled. "What? I can't be a jerk all the time, It does get boring you know." He said playfully. "Plus I promised to be a good boy today, so I am." He added in. "Why? I heard chivalry isn't as dead as everyone thinks."

She laughed a little, "I mean chivalry is archaic as an idea, but you playing nice is a treat." Somedays Rose didn't even know what to do with Asher, but he had a good heart under all of it. That much she knew for certain. "What are your weekend plans looking like?" she inquired.

"I mean, I am totally pro feminism, yall run this world, but chivalry is nice from time to time." He said with a shrug. "My weekend plans? Well I have football training on friday, and intramural lacrosse practice, but that just means friday night is a drinking night, probably out with the boys, saturday day recover and repeat. Sunday recover and bang out a bunch of homework."

Rose shrugged, "I think it's kinda harmful to the whole thing, but I did use the word. So that's on me" said Rosemary, thinking about her favorite teacher from high school would definitely shake her head at that. "Sounds like you're pretty busy" she teased, "are you going to have time for little old Rose Holly?"

Asher nodded. "Yeah, I am def pro feminism. Stick it to the patriarchy." He said with a smile. "I also know how to be mannerful, even when I don't seem like it." He added in. "Eh, I like keeping busy. Or else I get bored, but of coure. I always have time for you, rosie." He said as the guy handed them their pie. "Wanna find a place to sit?"

Rose half smiled at his use of the nickname, it was strange hearing that from someone outside her family. She knew he meant well, it was just very personal. Sometimes it caught her off guard. "Aww, I always have time for you Asher" she replied sweetly. He was a good guy, and she knew that, "Lets." The two found a table towards the back, there were a bunch of big groups taking up the majority of the tables. Pizza places on any night were always packed.

Most times Asher played above the line. He didn’t even realize Rosie was a family nickname. But again even if he did he would probably call her it anyway, he liked it for her. “So what are your big weekend plans?” He said as they moved to the table. He opened the box up and handed her a plate.

Rosemary thought for a second, "well, I'm going to a party on Friday, studying all Saturday, band stuff on Sunday and workouts all in between" she said with a smile as she grabbed a piece of pizza and put it on her plate. "and of course some face masks and time with mari" she added before taking a bite of her pizza, "you have any particular conquests in mind for this weekend?" she pried.

"Sounds action packed." He said with a smile. "Ah Rina. Facemask sounds fun and relaxing. I hope you enjoy." He said before taking a bit. "Conquests? Nah. Whoever is interested in a good time and seems like fun when I'm crossed." He said with a laugh. "That or that cute blond on the cheer team, I've been dying to see under that little skirt of hers."

"No conquests, but mild conquests" she said with a laugh as the cheese slowly pulled between her mouth and the slice. Rose didn't know who worked here, but whoever it was really knew what they were doing when they made this pizza. "Do you mean Chanel, or one of the other blond girls?" she asked, curious.

"I mean like, I always have someone in mind, like, I'm a active male with high sex hormones. I gotta keep it up to keep myself sane." he said playfully. "No not Chanel, that girl Kylie. The flyer that is hella flexible." He said with a smile. "She doesn't even have to fuck me. I just wanna see her bend."

"Kylie is really cute" said Rose with a laugh, "not that I approve of you messing with any of my teammates." He was crude, but that was just Asher. Rose took a bite of her pizza, enjoying the much needed food. "You must have a backup, who is after Kylie?" she taunted.

“Yeah she seems nice too which is a different pace for me.” Asher knew he was a player, but it wasn’t like he was breaking hearts. He liked to have sex, it brought him pleasure and he didn’t mind sharing that with other people. “She is the backup. You are always number one” he said throwing a playful wink at her

"Be careful with nice girls, they aren't as resilient as the guarded ones" she toyed, she thought it was a protective layer but she didn't really know how deep the damage was from being cheated on and toyed with throughout high school. She thought she was just having fun after everything, but it only caused more damage. "No flirting, this is your warning" she said laughing a little, "I'm so serious about this bet."

“Don’t worry I know the drill. Leave my emotions at the door, be clear about what I want and don’t call her the wrong name.” Asher said with a laugh. He knew his actions were a protective measure. After everything he had been through with his dad and now step dad, he never let anyone get to close to him emotionally. He couldn’t take anymore pain. “I was just testing you and had to make sure my devilishly good looks didn’t bring you astray” he said as he finished up his slice of pizza

"Funny boy, but for real. You don't want to ruin your rep with the whole cheer team, I've already done so much positive reinforcement" said Rose laughing a little. "I think I can manage" she joked, "but solid try. I give you a 5/10 for pursuit effort."

Asher shrugged. “Ehh. I don’t really care what people thing to be honest.” Not entirely true, but okay Asher. “I mean, I got what? Two more years here and then I’ll never see 90% of these bitches again. Like the weirdo in the chem lab, never see him again. Chad in the baseball team? Nope. You, jet and the Bois? Kidding of course I’ll see y’all again” he said playfully. “ can’t blame a guy for trying, am I right?”

"You never know who you're going to see again, that's the whole point! Good impressions all the time" said Rosemary, but she was also still sadly very concerned with how people viewed her. It was hard balancing fun and hardworking, and she thought her and Marina pulled it off well, but that was also just her opinion. "I mean, I can blame a guy for anything" she joked.

Rose did have a good point, especially if his dream of pro ball took off. They everyone would have stories of him. “I mean, yeah true. But also people these days are so judgmental, no one likes to just have fun and keep it casual anymore.” Asher pointed out. “ like I don’t care what someone ate for breakfast or what their zodiac is. And listening to some girl babble on for hours is draining.” Asher looked up at Rosemary. “Never me though. I always have an alibi”

Rosemary smiled, "Well just to have you know, I am a Leo on the virgo cusp. I'm an ESTP and an enneagram three" she said, a smirk forming. She did love to push his buttons, "and trust me I could go on for hours. I have plenty of times with Marina." She did find all of that stuff really fascinating, and honestly it wouldn't hurt Asher to listen to girls every once in a while.

Asher smiled nodded and did the basic guy not listening card. “Really? Wow! I would have never guessed that.” He said looking up at her. “I’m also a tiger with a Pluto rising and a devil sinking.” He added in just to be funny. “Wanna hear me roar?” He said throwing a wink. “Kidding kidding. But what I was saying is that when they pull the zodiac card then they start going deep into our compatibility and if we will get married and have kids and it’s kinda creepy

"Sweetie, I didn't mention my moon or anything. I'm talking about the enneagram" Rosemary teased, playing the hurt girlfriend. She couldn't imagine what it was like to actually date Asher, Rose had never seen it ... but she also figured that he shaped up quite quickly under the right circumstances. "It's just a fun thing, let people like what they like Ash" Rose reminded him.

“Well I don’t want to hear about your butt test.” He said making a disgusted face. “I thought only ok’d people get enneagrams.” He questioned, showing he didn’t quite understand the word. “They can like it, that’s cool. But I don’t want to get married.” Asher knew when the time came he could be a good boyfriend. He just never let anyone get close enough for that to happen. Rose was different though. Out of pure curiosity he somehow let her slip through his guarded gate and he didn’t mind. 

"Asher the enneagram is a personality test, not a prostate exam" said the girl, laughing at his confusion. At least he was an idiot in a funny way, she always laughed around him. "You say that, but I can imagine you married someday. She'll have to be a very very very special girl" said Rose as she took another bite of her pizza.

“ are you sure? Isn’t the butt water test called an ennema?” He questioned. “I don’t need a personality test, I already know I’m fabulous.” He added in with a laugh. “Well I mean yeah one day but not right now. I’m to young and hot.”

[languageawarenessling3]

Language in theory 4.1

Total Physical Response

Asher, J.C.  (1979). Learning Another Language Through Actions. San Jose, California: AccuPrint.

James J. Asher defines the Total Physical Response (TPR) method as one that combines information and skills through the use of the kinesthetic sensory system. This combination of skills allows the student to assimilate information and skills at a rapid rate. As a result, this success leads to a high degree of motivation. The basic tenets are:

Understanding the spoken language before developing the skills of speaking. Imperatives are the main structures to transfer or communicate information. The student is not forced to speak, but is allowed an individual readiness period and allowed to spontaneously begin to speak when the student feels comfortable and confident in understanding and producing the utterances.

TECHNIQUE

Step I The teacher says the commands as he himself performs the action.

Step 2 The teacher says the command as both the teacher and the students then perform the action.

Step 3 The teacher says the command but only students perform the action

Step 4 The teacher tells one student at a time to do commands

Step 5 The roles of teacher and student are reversed. Students give commands to teacher and to other students.

Step 6 The teacher and student allow for command expansion or produces new sentences.

Functional-Notional Approach

Finocchiaro, M. & Brumfit, C. (1983). The Functional-Notional Approach. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

This method of language teaching is categorized along with others under the rubric of a communicative approach. The method stresses a means of organizing a language syllabus. The emphasis is on breaking down the global concept of language into units of analysis in terms of communicative situations in which they are used.

Notions are meaning elements that may be expressed through nouns, pronouns, verbs, prepositions, conjunctions, adjectives or adverbs. The use of particular notions depends on three major factors: a. the functions b. the elements in the situation, and c. the topic being discussed.

A situation may affect variations of language such as the use of dialects, the formality or informality of the language and the mode of expression. Situation includes the following elements:

A. The persons taking part in the speech act

B. The place where the conversation occurs

C. The time the speech act is taking place

D. The topic or activity that is being discussed

Exponents are the language utterances or statements that stem from the function, the situation and the topic.

Code is the shared language of a community of speakers.

Code-switching is a change or switch in code during the speech act, which many theorists believe is purposeful behavior to convey bonding, language prestige or other elements of interpersonal relations between the speakers.

The Silent Way

Gattegno, C. (1972).Teaching Foreign Languages in Schools: The Silent Way. New York City: Educational Solutions.

Procedures

This method created by Caleb Gattegno begins by using a set of colored rods and verbal commands in order to achieve the following:

To avoid the use of the vernacular. To create simple linguistic situations that remain under the complete control of the teacher To pass on to the learners the responsibility for the utterances of the descriptions of the objects shown or the actions performed. To let the teacher concentrate on what the students say and how they are saying it, drawing their attention to the differences in pronunciation and the flow of words. To generate a serious game-like situation in which the rules are implicitly agreed upon by giving meaning to the gestures of the teacher and his mime. To permit almost from the start a switch from the lone voice of the teacher using the foreign language to a number of voices using it. This introduces components of pitch, timbre and intensity that will constantly reduce the impact of one voice and hence reduce imitation and encourage personal production of one's own brand of the sounds.

To provide the support of perception and action to the intellectual guess of what the noises mean, thus bring in the arsenal of the usual criteria of experience already developed and automatic in one's use of the mother tongue. To provide a duration of spontaneous speech upon which the teacher and the students can work to obtain a similarity of melody to the one heard, thus providing melodic integrative schemata from the start.

Materials

The complete set of materials utilized as the language learning progresses include:

A set of colored wooden rods A set of wall charts containing words of a "functional" vocabulary and some additional ones; a pointer for use with the charts in Visual Dictation A color coded phonic chart(s) Tapes or discs, as required; films Drawings and pictures, and a set of accompanying worksheets Transparencies, three texts, a Book of Stories, worksheets.

The Reading Approach

This approach is selected for practical and academic reasons. For specific uses of the language in graduate or scientific studies. The approach is for people who do not travel abroad for whom reading is the one usable skill in a foreign language. 

The priority in studying the target language is first, reading ability and second, current and/or historical knowledge of the country where the target language is spoken.Only the grammar necessary for reading comprehension and fluency is taught. Minimal attention is paid to pronunciation or gaining conversational skills in the target language. From the beginning, a great amount of reading is done in L2, both in and out of class. The vocabulary of the early reading passages and texts is strictly controlled for difficulty. Vocabulary is expanded as quickly as possible, since the acquisition of vocabulary is considered more important that grammatical skill.Translation reappears in this approach as a respectable classroom procedure related to comprehension of the written text.

The Direct Approach

This approach was developed initially as a reaction to the grammar-translation approach in an attempt to integrate more use of the target language in instruction.

Lessons begin with a dialogue using a modern conversational style in the target language. Material is first presented orally with actions or pictures. The mother tongue is NEVER, NEVER used. There is no translation. The preferred type of exercise is a series of questions in the target language based on the dialogue or an anecdotal narrative. Questions are answered in the target language. Grammar is taught inductively–rules are generalized from the practice and experience with the target language. Verbs are used first and systematically conjugated only much later after some oral mastery of the target language. Advanced students read literature for comprehension and pleasure. Literary texts are not analyzed grammatically. The culture associated with the target language is also taught inductively. Culture is considered an important aspect of learning the language.

[rickmoya]

the books I read in 2017

Way better this year, thanks to no school after May.

Snow Crash, Neal Stephenson

Ella Enchanted, Gail Carson Levine

The Elephants of Style, Bill Walsh

Scrappy Little Nobody, Anna Kendrick

The Indian in the Cupboard, Lynne Reid Banks

The Rise of Writing: Redefining Mass Literacy, Deborah Brandt

Dirty Jokes and Beer, Drew Carey

Dead Birds Singing, Mark Talbert

White Teeth, Zadie Smith

Screwball, Alberta Armer

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, J.K. Rowling

Words Fail Me, Patricia O'Conner

The Moves Make the Man, Bruce Brooks

Best. State. Ever., Dave Barry

Good Job, Brain!, Karen Chu et al.

Tell Everyone: Why We Share and Why It Matters, Alfred Hermida

Multimodality: A Social Semiotic Approach to Contemporary Communication, Gunther Kress

Media Convergence, Graham Meikle and Sherman Young1

Eleanor and Park, Rainbow Rowell

Fangirl, Rainbow Rowell

Carry On, Rainbow Rowell

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Newt Scamander

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, Sherman Alexie

Ghosts, Raina Telgemeier

Endymion Spring, Matthew Skelton

All I Know About Animal Behavior I Learned in Loehmann's Dressing Room, Erma Bombeck

Wonder, R.J. Palacio

Power-Up: How Japanese Video Games Gave the World an Extra Life, Chris Kohler

My Favorite Band Does Not Exist, Robert T. Jeschonek

It Started With Goodbye, Christina June

36 Views of Mount Fuji, Cathy N. Davidson

I'm Not Your Manic Pixie Dream Girl, Gretchen McNeil

Less Than Zero, Bret Easton Ellis

There's a Boy in the Girls' Bathroom, Louis Sachar

Almost Transparent Blue, Ryu Murakami

The Crossover, Kwame Alexander

MARTians, Blythe Woolston

The Handmaid's Tale, Margaret Atwood

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, J.K. Rowling

I Am Number Four, Pittacus Lore

The Adventures of Dr. McNinja Omnibus vol. 1, Christopher Hastings2

Open Ice, Pat Hughes

The Hate U Give, Angie Thomas

Athlete Vs. Mathlete, W.C. Mack

Thirteen Reasons Why, Jay Asher

The Only Thing Worse Than Me is You, Lily Anderson

We'll Laugh Again, Art Buchwald

Skink: No Surrender, Carl Hiaasen

Hungry Monkey, Matthew Amster-Burton

Geek Love, Katherine Dunn

Live Right and Find Happiness (Though Beer is Much Faster), Dave Barry

Charmed Life, Diana Wynne Jones

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, George Carlin

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, J.K. Rowling3

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, Junot Diaz

The Nerdist Way, Chris Hardwick

American Band, Kristen Laine

Do Bananas Chew Gum?, Jamie Gilson

We Are Never Meeting in Real Life, Samantha Irby

The Baseball Codes, Jason Turbow

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, J.K. Rowling

Major Crush, Jennifer Echols

I Hope I Screw This Up, Kyle Cease

Music Lessons, Stephanie Stein Crease

Dinky Hocker Shoots Smack!, M.E. Kerr

Navajo Afterglow, Melvin Eisenstadt

Notes from an Accidental Band Geek, Erin Dionne

Saxophone for Dummies, Denis Gabel and Michael Villmow

Losers Take All, David Klass

The Geek Girl's Guide to Cheerleading, Charity Tahmaseb and Darcy Vance

My Custom Van, Michael Ian Black

The Upside of Unrequited, Becky Albertalli

Stargirl, Jerry Spinelli

The Book of Basketball, Bill Simmons

italics: read it before bold: read it to my kids in bed

This is where I finished my research and writing for grad school. From here forward, it’s almost all new YA, with some essayists and nonfiction sprinkled in.

I know that I read more comics than this, but I guess I didn’t write them down.

This is the British edition that I bought from a second-hand shop in London, so I’m claiming that I’d never read it even though it’s not so different.

I also did the Book Riot Read Harder challenge, and I did OK. Missed four, or possibly three because I feel weird Googling the sexual preference of authors.