#As usual I kinda feel like I started rambling.
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sucker for you
peter maximoff x reader
word count: 1.2k
i can't stop thinking about how peter would react to reader taking his lollipop from him and putting it in her mouth so here's a little drabble about that
a/n: i should be working on this bucky piece that i started like 3 weeks ago but i just needed to get this out of my system first
warnings/tags: language, use of alcohol (everyone is 21+!!), no use of y/n, peter's pov, and some ✨️tension✨️
Peter didn't know it was possible to get so flustered over a human being.
He's never exactly considered himself to be a ladies man, but around you? He's hopeless. A lost cause. Every time he's near you, it feels like his first very day ever interacting with another person.
From the way that your smile reaches your eyes whenever he makes you laugh with a stupid joke to the way that you always smell sweeter than the candy that he eats too much of, he's been a goner for you since the day he first met you.
And the worst part? You seem to know exactly how to make him blush.
As per usual on Friday nights, yours and Peter's group of friends is hanging out in the woods behind the mansion. You're all lounging around a bonfire that Scott works to keep going strong, talking amongst yourself in pairs.
"You know, I heard Warren telling Scott that he's planning on asking you to the winter gala," Jean snickers to you.
Peter isn't trying to eavesdrop, really. Jean just has zero volume control when she has any amount of alcohol in her system. He'd be able to hear every word she's saying even if you and her weren't sitting right next to him.
"What?" Jean demands when you offer no response other than some giggles and a shake of your head. "You've already turned two people down. You're kinda running low on options at this point.”
He twists the stem of the cherry flavored lollipop that he's sucking on, trying and failing to focus on whatever it is that Kurt's rambling on about. His body is angled away from yours, but he can feel the vibration of your low laughter from where your shoulder rests against his.
Peter had heard that you've been asked to the gala that Charles throws in the name of the X-Men every year. He couldn't lie, he was relieved when he'd found out that you had shot down the suitors - not that he'd ever have the balls to ask you himself. He had no desire to be added to the list of people that you've rejected to a glorified prom.
“So? I can go alone. Going alone is better than going with anyone who isn't the person that I actually want to go with,” you answer with a shrug of your shoulders.
Peter tenses at your words, his stomach doing a somersault.
“And who would that be?” Jean asks in a teasing voice, almost like she already knows the answer.
Before you can respond, Peter quickly shoots to his feet. Kurt comes to a sudden stop in the middle of a sentence, and both you and Jean turn to look up at him from where you still sit on the old, fallen tree that is being used as a bench.
“Where're you going?” You ask. Peter knows it's probably wishful thinking, but he can't help but think that there's a hint of disappointment in your voice.
“Back to the mansion. I've gotta take a whiz,” he retorts, hoping he sounds casual. Truthfully, he can't stand the thought of having to hear you say some dude's name in response to Jean's question.
“Since when are you above pissing in the woods?” Scott laughs as he piles some more branches onto the bonfire.
Peter shoots him an obscene gesture, about to bolt in the direction of the mansion when he feels your hand wrap around his from beneath him. You begin to get up, and he instinctively helps pull you into a standing position.
“I'll walk back with you,” you tell him as you drop his hand. “I'm going to grab a few more beers.” You smile at him in the orange glow of the fire and he forgets how to speak. He motions as if to say after you and you begin walking in the direction of the mansion.
He's fully aware that he could have the two of you back to the school in a split-second, but despite how nervous he gets around you, he'd never pass up the opportunity to spend a few moments alone with you. Living here, you're both almost always surrounded by other people. If it's not Jean, it's Storm. If it's not Storm, it's Raven or Hank. If it's it's not –
“I just had to get away from that,” you sigh when the two of you are out of earshot from the others. “I love her, but Jean can be kind of relentless,” you add with a small laugh.
“You can say that again,” he agrees, his voice mumbled from the lollipop stuffed between his teeth and his check. “Just the other day she was saying that I should ask someone.”
“Yeah?” You quip, a curious edge to your tone. “And are you going to?”
“Nah,” Peter shrugs, trying to play it cool. “Like you said, it's better to go alone than to go with someone who isn't the person you really like.”
“So what's stopping you from asking her? Is she already going with someone else?”
“No,” he answers, coming to a stop in the middle of the moonlit path the two of you are walking on. “She's not. But she's already turned down basically everyone in the school, so I don't think I stand much of a chance.”
Sometimes Peter starts a sentence without knowing where it’s going, but right now even he's shocked by his words. He's not quite sure where the bravery came from, but he can't exactly take it back now. You're not stupid - he knows you can read between the lines to deduce who he's talking about.
You come to a halt, turning back to look at him. He offers a small, nervous smirk and resists the urge to dash away before you can reply to his confession.
“Three people isn't basically everyone in the school,” you chuckle with one of those grins that could bring Peter to his knees. You take a few slow steps towards him, stopping when your chest is just inches from his. Your gaze flickers from his eyes and down to his mouth before you reach a hand up to his face and pinch the stem of his lollipop between your thumb and index finger, plucking it from his mouth.
His eyes widen in surprise, all but bulging out of his head when you pop what's left of the red lollipop into your own mouth. You swirl it around in your mouth, your plump lips wrapped around the stick.
“But for what it's worth, the whole school could ask me and there's only one person who would get a yes out of me.”
You pull the lollipop from between your lips and hold it back up to Peter's mouth, resting it against his bottom lip until he parts them - to speak or to accept the sucker, he's not sure. But he doesn't do anything to stop you when you guide it back inside his mouth, the flavor of the cherry candy and your saliva infiltrating his senses when it meets his tongue.
“Just in case you were wondering,” you shrug, and turn to continue your walk back to the mansion as if you didn't just make his heart combust in his chest.
He speeds after you, deciding that maybe Jean has a point - maybe he should ask someone after all.
•••••
thanks for reading! this was my first time writing for peter, i'd very much appreciate comments/reblogs 💕
#peter maximoff#peter maximoff x reader#peter maximoff x you#quicksilver x reader#quicksilver#quicksilver x you#evan peters#peter maximoff oneshot#peter maximoff imagine#quicksilver oneshot#quicksilver imagine#xmen#xmen days of future past#xmen dofp#dofp#days of future past#xmen apocalypse#xmen dark phoenix#dark phoenix
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Hi Sara! You are wise and cool and I'd appreciate advice if you have any! I am trying to make friends especially with fellow autistic people in real life but it is very very hard and scary also I don't know how to find people who want friends. Do you have any advice? (Please only answer if you want to!)
Thank you Ghostly!! 🙏 You are so valid - it *is* hard and scary to make irl friends!! (... Online friends too, tbh)
I don't know if I have any helpful advice, but I'll try!
I think what's worked best for me is to meet people in contexts that are related to specific, niche interests. I'm not entirely sure I have any IRL friends anymore who are only autistic, I do have a bunch who are both autistic and have ADHD though. And all of them, I've met through various kinds of special interests.
For example, several people in my TTRPG group are neurodiverse. How did I meet them? I happened to sit next to a guy I'd never spoken to before while at a work lunch, and we got to talking fantasy books (... I don't really remember how), which got us into RPG talk, which eventually led to him asking me by the end of the lunch whether I'd like to join the TTRPG group that he and some of his friends were starting up soon. That was 3,5 years ago, and we're still playing together to this day!
Another, I met through Magic: The Gathering - we were going to the same weekend event (not related to MtG) and I saw him post in a thread about looking for people to play some games with, so I replied to him, and we pretty much clicked right away because it turned out we had lots of other similar interests as well.
A third, I got to know through playing social deception games at yet another event, in which we sort of fell into a banter-y jargon while trying to convince everyone else to vote out the other. (We were both the wild cards in every game, because I had a habit of grinning wildly and looking generally untrustworthy regardless of which role I was given, and he had an absolutely straight face regardless and was really hard to read, so we pretty quickly identified each other as friendly rivals.) Then I figured out he lived in the same city as I did, and my train was cancelled, so I used my Charisma™ to hitch a ride with him and his dad back home :D
... So based on my own experiences, it seems I've mostly met other neurodiverse people through various kinds of games, which is one of my great passions in life! Depending on what your interests are, maybe there are events, groups or such that you could be on the lookout for? Sort of like it usually happens on Tumblr I guess, but IRL it's a bit harder since you have to do more work and research to find those places and communities.
The thing is though, it will always be scary. The first time I went to play with the TTRPG group, I was super scared. I barely said anything during the first hour or so, and even after several sessions, it still took some time each time to get back into it and relax. But I always have a lot of fun while playing, and I know they appreciate having me there, so that makes it easier to relax and not worry so much. It was the same thing with the MtG friend - I rewrote that first message sooo many times, and then had a racing heart by the time I went to meet up with him. The trick for me has been to recognise when it's worth pushing through that discomfort, and try to be accepting of the fact that sometimes it won't work out, but sometimes it will; sometimes it will lead to amazing friendships, but sometimes it will fizzle out or face plant before it could even start. And that's fine.
It gets easier with time in my experience, but it never gets easy. I've sort of had to accept that I usually don't make a great first impression. It's not that I make a bad impression, I just don't think I make much of an impression at all - I probably seem more shy than I really am, and sometimes my fears make me behave really awkwardly. But after a couple times, as I start to relax and get more comfortable being myself, I think I can make a really really good impression! And I stress a little less about first impressions when I remind myself of that.
Oh, and one more thing: I've personally found that it's a lot easier to meet new people if they are there by themselves. People who already hang out in groups are much harder to approach. Because of this reason, actually, I tend to avoid going to places together with my friends if my aim is to meet new people. It means I won't have the comfort and safety of my friends with me, but it increases the likelihood that I'll approach people I wouldn't have talked to others - or that they will approach me! (The friend I met through social deception games is the opposite, though. He says the comfort of having friends with him makes him more relaxed and confident, which makes it easier for him to meet new people.)
#ask a nerd#i hope this helped?#As usual I kinda feel like I started rambling.#But I really appreciate that you asked me this!! I'm happy you think I'm someone who can give good advice ^_^#I think you are an awesome person and I am glad that we met!!
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no1s mad i drew more konbart right?
last drawing is nirvana au // also i gave up on the 1st drawing mayb? i might return 2 it
#i realized im starting 2 feel insecure bc ppl my age r drawing muchMUCH better than me so i tried 2 do things i dont usual do kinda idk#trying 2 prove im not *that* bad @ art lol#which means i tried 2 draw kissing y tf did i try this I DONT I#USE TONE INDICATORS U BITCH!#nirvana au#nirvana!kon#kart#konbart#my fujcing wifi freaked out on me & i drew all of these#so thats fun!!#also i worked on my sketchbook bc NOTHING WAS WORKING sts yestefay was so boring :(#my sketchbook is exploding its more junk then sketch#my junk book#puppee art#i love nirvana!kon oh how k love them so theyre so pretty ((imo))#i drew like 3 sidelrofiles im dying#ALSO IGNORE HOW LAZY I AM DRAWING SUPEEHERO SUITS LOL#IDRC…IDK…I DIDNT WANNA DRAW THE FLARES OR THE PATCHES PLSSSSS#ive drawn sm kon in the last like week?#bc of etsy its honestly great i have like a lil collection of those ty cards i make#uhm#i need 2 stop rambling gn#y am i saying gn???
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Oh boy! :D I can't wait to look through my f/os tag!
-1 HP
-1 HP
-1 HP
-1 HP
-1 HP
#pan rambles#I have my fair share of Canon x Canon ships of my f/os that I don't like I will admit#Usually it's just dislike and I'll leave it alone#but if y'all will give me the opportunity to be a hater just this once...#I can't stand S/hizaya (aka S/hizuo and I//zaya) It's one of the few ships I completely hate#There's those ships that I get Sick and Tired of seeing bc it's Everywhere#S/hizaya is that but like. 10x worse. And the ship isn't even that good or healthy for the both of them#I hate that ship sm I'm so sorry </3 (except not that sorry)#It's so funny-akfsnfks#As soon as I start feeling comfortable thinking about S.hizuo again#(Long story short I had some negative associations with the series/some characters ((especially I.zaya)) for a while)#I finally built up the courage to look through S.hizuo's tag and boom! Psychic Damage!!#Negative#←Just in case since I kinda went off on a rant there-afksnfkdn#Thank you for letting me be a hater just this once-
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The visceral and hungering loneliness is back. You know what that means! Bedtime
#😴😴😴😴#sweet dreams hehehe I’m sure I will feel better in the morning#🤞#but jokes aside like. I’m okay I think I’m just moody bc it’s late at night and I’m overthinking. the usual#I do really miss my friends and family#and feeling that old but always recurring longing for new friends#I’m slowly befriending people in my music classes and slowly joining some clubs as well soooo we’ll see#idk I also just see all of my mutuals being friendly with each other and I yearn for it so so deeply#kinda silly but I just like to share interests with people#and have a Space together if that makes sense#anyway I know I could just like reach out to people but I’m nervous lol#probably more embarrassing to post publicly about it like 1-3 times a month lol#but it feels impersonal this way like I’m writing in a diary or something#speaking of which. I need to start working on my diary again LOL#I kept one for all of two days a little over a month ago#and then I forgot it one night and refused to keep working on it bc I ‘messed it up’ by forgetting#aaaaah anyway goodnight ❤️#this ramble was maybe a bit too personal but I’ve posted worse shit I think lol#may or may not delete in the morning#sweet dreams! :)#wackyposting
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if you'll allow me to be sappy on here for a moment, i want to say how happy it's made me to see more art of people/characters with cleft lips that aren't demonized or gross the past few years
i'd only begun drawing characters with cleft lips a few years ago and ever since then, drawing that and seeing others draw characters with it has helped my self image immensely, and i encourage anyone who has anything similar to draw their features more on ocs or faves and seeking out others who do similar 🧡🧡
#bear.txt#ok to reblog#if you want to#idk ive been wanting to make a post kinda like this for a while but i feared id ramble on endlessly so i tried to keep it a bit shorter but#it really is wonderful n if you have cleft lip either or if you have anything else youre insecure abt / dont see i really do encourage you-#-to start drawing it and/or find others who do too bc its so nice from personal experience#and i dont usually add tags like this but just in case anyone else feels similar to me ill put the tags i foundddd..#cleft lip#cleftie
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Well I got a job
#ramblings of an arrow#I realize I probably should be celebrating#and this is an objectively good thing#and not the end of the world#I am just kinda still tired and burned out lol and not looking forward to working full time again#especially since last time I worked full time I was usually sneaking out early and not actually being there a full 8 hours#which worked fine because I was the only one in the office#which will not work at all at this job that actually has other ppl around lol#it will probably be good for me to have a routine though#and I Know that having consistent income will do wonders for my mental health#I am just...... like already feeling tired in anticipation lol#the irony#I wont start for 2 weeks#and I wanna get art shit done before then#but I have been washed in a wave of exhaustion and now I dont know if I will be able to#which is not great considering I doubt I will have much time for art at all with a full time job#anyways I am so normal and things are fine and Im not having a mental breakdown about this#this is an objectively good thing#it is#i just also wish ubi was a thing so I didnt have to have extreme financial anxiety and could be unemployed and focus on art without#the financial anxiety in the way#i will live#things will be okay#im in a supportef enough position that if it sucks I Can quit#so like no matter what things will be FINE And I just need to calm the fuck down
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every once in a while i remember that scott’s life series+empires characters being aro is not actually a hc that has occurred to most people and it really does throw me for a loop. there are very few characters where my personal hcs about their queerness so heavily affect how i analyze them but scott being aro really is a massive contributor to how i see his character and i see takes about him i agree w/ relatively frequently so i. forgot. this is at least partially because i have curated my dash well and rarely go into the tags but that is not the point.
#space rambles#really living up to that tag here#the only other mcyt characters where i think this also applies is like. shrub esmp s1#in the sense that when i see other people using SOLELY she/her pronouns it feels like misgendering#because he/she shrub is so ingrained in my brain#but like there are a lot of characters (both in mcrp and other content) where like. them being queer is really important to me#and is usually how i choose to approach analyzing/thinking about them#but i entirely recognize and understand how someone else could approach them in a different way from me#scott being aro is simply not one of those ones for some reason#also scott being aro is kinda the outlier of the above because the above includes like.#martyn being in love with ren. impulse being in love with bdubs. etc.#and even if other people don’t personally subscribe to those hcs they’ve probably at least considered it#whether of their own accord while watching the series or while interacting with fan content#most of the responses i’ve received to content i make about scott characters being aro starts with#‘wow i’ve never considered this’#and it’s so crazy to me cause it’s just like. it’s right there. it’s so right there#i am just yapping here but i really do think about aro!scott a lot so
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i don’t understand ppl who leave their packing, until the last minute. i am already packing and i don’t go anywhere for over a week, imao
#*walter white voice* jesse we need to pack#imao i’m watching brba and thinking about packing at 2am#i actually haven’t started packing but i’m gonna pack all my clothes and just leave everything else until the day before#bc a lot of stuff i still need in the meantime#i also need to put pins on my jacket but that’s a separate thing that i keep forgetting to do#bc i think a lot of my best pins would be better on my jacket#i actually need to work out which clothes i’m wearing#like which ones to pack and which ones i’m wearing on the drive#i’m planning on probably just wearing sweats and a regular ass shirt#and i’ll dress up when i’m actually there#and i gotta make sure i have my meds all sorted#and i need to make sure i don’t forget anything and that i keep everything safe#this post is kinda just me talking to myself imao#but honestly they usually are#okay but like someone tell me to not to pack at 2am bc i can literally do it tomorrow during the day but my brain is like ‘pack now!!’#bc i have it stuck in my head#imao i’m also only going for three days but travelling is a whole thing with me#leaving the house in general is a whole thing with me#what may seem like nothing to some people is a huge deal to me#like wow you’re going on vacation for three days? so what?#but this is only the second time i’ve done this#and the longest i’ll have been away from home aside from when i was in the hospital#so yeah it’s a big deal#the worst part is the travel tho#when i’m actually there i’ll have a fun time bc i did last time#well kinda i also got homesick and was in the middle of a depressive episode but i digress#but this time i’m not! so go me!#gwen actually leaves the house and feels good about it for once!#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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had an argument with mother due to being emotionally unstable (it's the depression weeks and everything sucks) and everything she said just made me angrier and it took me a while to realise I am becoming my mother. guys I am going insane
#ive been a bit ticked off since i woke up#and when my course selection process started lagging today i did consider doing something harmful to myself#which was completely an inteusive thought#conbine that with my existential dread because im dumb and idk what im doing in life#and the depression weeks. and suddenly i cant handle things i usually can handle#and i got angry at mother for talking nonsense (she was just discussing things)#she was always this way (still is) so to see myself blow up like she always does feels kinda shitty#we really are wretched mirror images of each other huh#zuri rambles#i already feel like a failure because I'm not able to be academically competitive with how hard uni is so this kind of sucks#to Google docs i go ig
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I love my cat sm
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#tw vent#putting that there .....#but I went down a negative spiral and whenever I do that gender dysphoria kicks my ass#and Tuxiedo wasn't on my bed so all I could do was hold on to my plush and cry#but I felt him come and jump up on my bed from my window#and I turned around and he pretty much immediately came to lay on my chest#ik that he doesn't know something/someone putting weight on my chest rlly helps me when I get like this#(it helps with me not feeling hyper aware of my chest and is just a general comfort thing for me that rlly only my cat does)#but just having him do that comforted me a whole lot#and since he got off I'm just hugging said plush to my chest to try and help#which it does#but it's also led to me not being able to move even an inch bc I always get hyper aware of my chest#It always happens#I stay frozen when it gets rlly bad and I just just wanna throw up my insides and rip my hair out sometimes and I just hold my plush close#too much? probably#I get kinda violent to myself with my thoughts#very gorey would not recommend#but I'm not gonna say them in detail here#but yeah Tuxiedo getting up and comforting me was rlly nice#I love him :33#and my bad for getting negative on main fellas 🙏🙏#need to shower but who knows if that'll make my current horrendous gender dysphoria worse#(it will bc I have to look at myself in the mirror every time I go to get in the shower and I get sick just looking at myself)#also Over & Over by Rio Romeo rlly had to start playing during this 💀💀#“Over and over I fuck myself over” lyric hitting more than usual 💔💔
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Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"
People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"
Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"
#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse#like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont#ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean#i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun#lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly#oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well#the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that#oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour#as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little#so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends!#ha ha. this is agony.#i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone#which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one#also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse#i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy#its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking#yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much#im also just really snappy sometimes#I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine#they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them#i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents#they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them#sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone#i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it#sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay#I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor#again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon#if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed#personal rambles#vent tag
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I being so fucking normal about this fit on him rn I'm beingsofuckingnormal I'm beingsofuckin nor-
#you have no idea how fucking long I've been drooling crying begging and just screaming for them to do a Lost boy kill count#like I just watched the podcast maybe like a week ago and I'm just like rocking back and forth on my bed like they're going to post a video#<--real soon#and oh my God I watched the video of the kill count in there's so many things I wish they talked about on there but I'm grateful to get it#they did talk about the sequels and.....ekkkk... I mean it's only based off of high demand so let's hope to God no one talks about it#or send any emails for them I mean if they talk about the remake that's fine I haven't really seen that one I know Sebastian stan is in it#oh my God I feel like I'm about to be so fucking annoying about the movie again I think I'm going to just start posting random shit about it#also lately I've been more happy to be posting and drawing again than usual#so I might be back on doodling and drawing random shit or actually I've been having more confidence in myself to start posting doodles#why do I bring that up because oh I don't know...wink wonk 🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤗🤗 😉😉😉😉😜😜😜#my laptop kind of sucks now so I'm going to buy a new one probably this month or next month so I'll be drawing and posting doodles#I'm also thinking about posting some of my recent sketches I have in my notebook but don't expect any Picasso or Vince Van Gogh for me#I know I'm good but like I'm not that good lol im jking kinda sorta maybe not relaly okay yeaj am BUT!!!#I feel like I'm back on my drawing shit again and if I don't finish your drawing I'll just still post it because why the fuck not I'm young#let's fuck around and have some fun why not huh#man I can't believe I'm actually really rambling here but yeah I'm happy to say that I'm going to be back on my stupid shit ❤️#kill count
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If you don’t mind, I saw the comic about vampire hair and it made me wonder what would Einarr look like with a beard?
the context
he'd rather not dwell on it too much
#asks🦇#low stakes 🦇#sometimes i wanna start an oc ask blog#this is probably like. the third time someone has been like 'but what would einarr look like with a beard tho' so ALRIGHT FINE i drew it#the answer is viking. he'd look more like the usual bearded viking stereotype. he'd also look just like his dad who matches said stereotype#also rune is just really gay for him either way#however einarr is very aroace and does not return those feelings at all and honestly sees rune more like a child. sorry rune#also don't worry i'm not mad at you for asking#einarr just doesn't like the question#the gender standards he grew up with are different from ours and over the centuries he has been kinda unraveling it. unpacking it all#deciding that gender norms are dumb; they FLUCTUATE anyway and what's masculine in one century can be horrendously outdated in the next#he has also mostly accepted his fate anyway#it is what it is#and as such; he should be allowed to do whatever he wants. like wearing those feminine brooches bc he likes the look of em#he isnt bothering with the absolute project that is growing a beard as a vampire when it can fall off just as easily as when his hair reset#when it means he has to avoid all sorts of shifting. no bat forms. no mistshifting. none of this. all while remaining as calm as possible#and he has done it before! once. it did not make it to the length that rune is imagining sadly#i'm rambling#it's a complex topic#he has mixed feelings about it#and honestly i just find that more interesting
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Part of me, after all this time of kinda feeling 'eh' about the prospect, wants to try dating. Issue is that I basically have no options in my area, and as many lovely people as there are online who I'm compatible with... Once we officially start dating, I just can't keep up?
It's a mixture of not having anything physical to do(not even talking that I mean like going out and shit) and also needing to be more active online when my track record is already very spotty, lol.
Plus, thinking about the future, y'kno? Not even in a marriage and kids kinda way, but like,,, how viable would it be to close the distance? What if I found someone more generally suited to me in my area, even if we don't share that soul-bond?
It ends up being easier to stay friends, even if in person I know I'd be all over them. Don't want to strain the lovely thing we already have.
#scrawny rambles#something's gotta change and that might be me#i just. man i don't know.#i'm curious and i think under the right circumstances it could be alot of fun#but alot of the times the other party gets caught up in the idea of romance that they kinda forget whatever issues we might be facing first#usually circumstancially#it's sucks because i don't get to have that head-over-heels dazzled by love throwing all caution to the wind mentality#because i end up having to carry concerns for both of us if you get what i mean???#like it's nice it's fun but i can never be truly carefree#i don't want to be a killjoy i want to explore i want to have a good time i want another person to open up to#but i guess i need that other person to be grounded at least somewhat. maybe then i could float too.#ahhhhuuuaaa...........#there's also the other horrible issue of my feelings usually being sparked *by* the fact it wouldn't be a good idea to get with them#and then bottling it up for months or even a year in the case of my ex-gf (amiable)#feeling horrid and guilty and wishing i didn't feel anything at all#i end up confessing not out of the hope to start something but to get the weight off my chest#if they don't like me back. then terror but also relief.#more often they DO and on one hand it's thrilling it's incredible it's top of the world#...and then the dread kicks in#the fear that my feelings will fade that i'm not feeling enough#and i think part of that is that i *do* need some form of physical contact in order to keep the *passion* alive#otherwise... it just ends up falling into friend territory again#maybe my sample-size is too small and i'm generalising#i don't know#it seems guilt and terror are massive motivators and get sublimated into intense longing#and then once that again... it inverts. which is so stupid like come on. come the fuck on.#anyhow there's your session of scrawny pouring her heart out. confess your love in the replies to me ig. lmaoo
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this is one of my favorite k.yohei moments!!
#he's just so sweet!!#that's my husband right there!!! :D!!! he's such a great guy and i love how kind he is#ash rambles 💚#he's so comforting and sweet and i just wanna kiss him and tell him i love him! and thank him for being the best husband ever!!!#my s/i doesn't always feel great abt herself and pre-relationship he once gave her a whole 'you're worth it' speech#and ever since then she's been so comfortable being who she is around him#and hey clearly he did something right since they got married a few years later but still#my husband!!! he's the best!!! i love him#he's been on my mind a lot today#that and uh. you know how reboot d.ante is my bestie forever? and you know how he has a twin brother that's lowkey evil as shit?#that twin brother also happens to be my s/i's ex! he's a horrible guy but fuuuccckkk he's sooooooo attractive#also i'm so not okay about his dlc. THE STORYTELLING... THE SYMBOLISM... AHJSQHDJQHJEHA#yeah he's been on my mind. one of my fave characters <3 he broke my s/i's heart and has done horrible irredeemable things but he's so l#so well-written and also soooo hot hehe! sorry d.ante but- oh but d.ante's reaction to finding out they dated was so funny ajskajsj#d.ante assumes it was a one night kinda thing since my d.mc s/i does that a lot but. nope. his brother was all 'nope. she was my gf.'#anyhow that relationship ended horribly which is part of the reason why ash is the way she is- anyhow d.mc lore aside!!! once i start#talking about this game i seriously cant stop LMAAAOOO back to my husband!!#he's the best and he makes me feel so safe! i love my husband! kiss kiss kiss! also i really love kissing his wedding ring. he's just the#best! and he's such a great dad to my fankiddo too! i love this fankid <3 she doesnt have a name yet (i call her daughterdota) but she's#so cool! usually wears a hat like her dad! she can come off as kinda 😐 sometimes but she's sweet!! she loves her skateboard and her pet dog#who is a shiba inu named ginger! i love her <3 !#and i love my husband!!#okay it's getting late and i have class tomorrow- goodnight my friends!
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