#As a tortured poets this will probably end up being my favorite album

[messervixen]

“The Black Dog”

“The Prophecy”

“Peter”

Okay Taylor that’s enough feeding the theories for one day-

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The TTPD Deep Dive (Part ?)

It’s no secret that I have a lot of Thoughts about The Tortured Poets Department and it has lived rent-free in my head since it came out earlier this year. I’m absolutely blown away by how underneath the chaos, it’s actually an exceptionally cohesive story and is probably the closest to a concept album Taylor has ever done.

There are so many themes that have stood out to me over the last five months, and there’s one in particular that I think not only drives the entire album, but ties into previous albums to help deepen understanding of it.

This is it, my fangirl magnum opus, my months of posts consolidated into one place. This is also my disclaimer that this is just my interpretation of the album, and my summary of the story it tells, and I don’t pretend to have any special insight or authority. I’m not saying I’m correct at all, do not take any of this as fact, it’s just what it sounds like to me, and these are my silly not-so-little thoughts about it.

(Under a cut because it’s way too long and involves discussion many may not care for or be sick of.)

Come one, come all, it's happening again (I'm thinking too hard about Taylor music)

The overarching theme in TTPD to me is: Grief. If you’re looking at TTPD as a story being told (instead of just as someone’s real life), the inciting incident of TTPD is loss, and the grief from that loss is what drives the narrator’s actions and the fallout, as well as unpacks those complicated feelings and how they apply to the her life in general. By the end of the standard album, it’s also about recovering from that pain, moving on from it and learning from it.

The loss specifically is the loss of the dream of having a family (with one’s partner). One thing that is abundantly clear both on the top line and under the surface in TTPD is how Taylor (as a person and as narrator) longed not only to for marriage but specifically parenthood, and the fear and then realization of losing that chance absolutely wrecked her— which is why the next lover’s (the conman's) wooing worked so well, because it preyed on that yearning. Yet that loss also dovetails into the grief of many things: of youth, of idealism, of relationships, of ideas, even of self, which causes almost a deconstruction of a belief system to piece one’s life back together by the end.

THE CONTEXT

TTPD weaves in the topics of marriage and motherhood both explicitly and in the subtext, in various forms and scenarios. The cheating husband in “Fortnight.” The wedding ring line in “TTPD” the song. “He saw forever so he smashed it up” in “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys.” All of “So Long, London.” Running away with her wild boy in “But Daddy I Love Him,” fantasizing about weddings and joking about babies. The imaginary rings in “Fresh Out The Slammer.” The cheating husband (again) and the friends who smell like weed or “little babies” in “Florida!!!” “You and I go from one kiss to getting married,” “Talking rings and talking cradles,” and “our field of dreams engulfed in fire” in “loml.” (And arguably: “I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all.”) “He said he’d love me all his life, but that life was too short,” in “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart.” They may not sound like much on their own, but they paint a picture about how the topics pervaded her thoughts and her writing, and in many cases express her desires, and her pain.

It’s something that goes back several albums when you pick up on context clues. You get the first hints on Reputation with “New Year’s Day,” and “you and me forevermore.” Then Lover is very forward with it: “Lover” is basically wedding vows, “Paper Rings” is very engagement-coded, “I Think He Knows” is cheeky but low-key “you better put a ring on it,” “It’s Nice To Have A Friend” has wedding/marriage imagery in the last verse. As a self-professed diaristic writer, it’s the type of stuff one presumably doesn’t put out there unless those conversations have already happened, and she was very excited about it at the time it was released.

Then the pandemic happens and folklore comes out, and while there is still happy love there (“invisible string”), there are also the first indications that something has happened to put a halt to whatever future she once dreamed of (“hoax,” “the lakes”) and that she’s trying to reassure herself and him that it can still happen even if she’s scared it might not (“peace”). Notably, as far as I can remember it’s the first time Taylor explicitly brings up the idea of family (with her partner) with “you know that I’d give you my wild, give you a child,” which stood out at the time because it’s so incredibly vulnerable, but it’s even more poignant when you really take in that the whole song is like a confession of her deepest worries, and this is her vowing to give him these things that she holds most sacred if he’ll let her. These are what she cherishes most dearly and wants to return in kind: her youth and commitment (my wild), the family she craves (a child), unconditional support (swing for the fences/sit in the trenches) and understanding/compassion (silence that only comes when two people know each other).

Evermore follows an even darker path, and suddenly the album explores relationships that end and grappling with loss. There are toxic relationships (“tolerate it”), dangerous marriages (“no body, no crime,” “ivy”), failing/broken relationships (“Coney Island,” “champagne problems,” “happiness,” “‘tis the damn season”), as well as grief (“Marjorie,” “evermore”). Even some of the happy songs have uncertainty in them: in “willow” she’s begging for him to take her lead, like she’s still trying to decipher him and ask him to commit; in “cowboy like me,” still a beautiful love song, she’s thinking, “this wasn’t supposed to work and we were supposed to bail on each other but we fell in love instead”; “evermore” is about the depths of severe depression (and more) with the love story being the one saving grace in her darkest hour. And it’s also notable that after all the “fiction” writing, shortly after this album she writes “Renegade” where she’s telling the subject: I’m ready to start the next phase of our life now, why aren’t you? Is it me you don’t want after all? It’s like there’s something telling her that this stall might not just be a stall.

Midnights is a jumble (in a good, but in hindsight, also sad way) with the “sleepless nights” concept, but it seems pretty clear now that the themes and events and relationships she was revisiting tied into a lot of what she was feeling in her present life. I wrote the cliff notes version awhile back, but she’s questioning so much of her life that’s reflected in past events and relationships. Am I actually always the problem? How did we lose sight of each other and what we had? We only seem to work when we block out everyone and everything else. Can we ever go back to when things were good? Why are you neglecting me? I once thought I was going to lose everything but you saved me in the nick of time, can that happen again? I chased my career, but did I give up my chance at having a family in the process? Nobody knows what I really suffer from behind closed doors and I’m all alone.

And so on, which in retrospect now that we have TTPD, is very much what she was grappling with in private while writing and releasing the album. The inspiration behind the songs may have been different events and muses, but regardless of their origins they all end up feeling too familiar, like she's seen this film before (ahem). We’re seeing her view of commitment change too, or rather how she writes about it: she’s not making the outright declarations of it like on Lover, or even the implied ones on folklore, nor is she talking of the dark side of it like evermore. For the most part it’s a return to the early days of some relationships, before things got hard, or the end of them when there was nothing left, and also pushing away the discussion of it altogether by the outside world. “Sweet Nothing” is a sweet slice of life, but even at that, it’s the peace of the home in conflict with the pressure of the outside world. Now that we have “You’re Losing Me,” which was written at the same time as the rest of the album, we can probably deduce that she was going back to the start because something happened that made her doubt the future.

THE SETUP

So much of Midnights directly ties into TTPD, and I said in the post I linked that it’s like Midnights is asking the questions that TTPD answers. But there’s one song in particular on Midnights that sticks out to me as being key in the broadest sense to understanding the state of mind that led to the events of TTPD, and that’s “Bigger Than The Whole Sky,” because the way it expresses grief is reflected in the theme of mourning a life built and the dreams along with it that are never realized in TTPD. There are several instances in TTPD that are basically variations of: “every single thing to come has turned into ashes,” and that’s what makes her snap, and leaves her vulnerable to someone who promises her those things when she’s bereaved at losing them in the first place. (In other words: “the deflation of our dreaming leaving me bereft and reeling.”) The song tells a story about how that loss of hope colours one’s entire mindset, and in some ways is a bridge to TTPD to understand what such a low point feels like.

I think that that grief, and most importantly losing hope for an imagined future in its wake, is fundamental to understanding TTPD on so many levels: both the decline with one partner that kept her hanging on then led her such a dark path, and why she fell for the conman's apparent bullshitting because it offered an express pass to what she was losing with her partner. And I also feel like it plays a part into the ruminating she’s doing all over Midnights, trying to make sense of where she finds herself when she’s writing the album, which directly leads to “You’re Losing Me.” Loss permeates so many of the stories on Midnights: of lovers, of innocence, of youth, of faith, of control, of life’s work, etc. “BTTWS” is just one of the ways in which it is expressed so fully, capturing that deep depression and subsequent extinction of faith in something that once felt assured and very much wanted. (Which is also mentioned in her writing process in the “Depression” playlist on Apple Music.)

If you understand why that feeling of loss in general across so many parts of life is so important to Midnights, then it illuminates so much about the “narrative” in TTPD too. If on Midnights she’s wrestling with the seeds of grief and loss (on multiple fronts), TTPD is her reckoning with it in its full form. “So Long, London” is the song that is the most explicit about it: How much sad did you think I had in me? How much tragedy? Just how low did you think I’d go before I’d have to go be free? You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? I died on the altar waiting for the proof. It’s the sequel to “You’re Losing Me.” It’s, the air is thick with loss and indecision, I know my pain is such an imposition, I’m getting tired even for a phoenix, all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, I’ve got nothing left to believe unless you’re choosing me, my heart won’t start anymore, but from the other side of the break.

This is highly speculative, but if you follow the thread about the topic and the relationship as told from Rep through TTPD, in broad strokes it goes: young love with a serious connection (Rep) -> growing up and making life plans (Lover) -> something happens that delays those plans or makes them grind to a halt (folklore) -> serious doubts arise and cause a loss of faith in their future (evermore) -> struggling with the loss of that future and trying to make sense of the problems in a last ditch attempt to save the relationship (Midnights) -> fallout from that grief after the blowup of the relationship (TTPD). Understanding that progression of events (through the music) explains not only the storytelling side of TTPD (e.g. the jump from the partner to the conman) but also how the experiences/muses blend in the music, and how the music that on the surface is about the short-term relationship is really driven by the destruction of the long-term one.

Following the music, it’s IMO implied that Taylor (the narrator) was holding out for marriage and family with her partner, for years, and it seems like it was at one point a shared dream until something happened to pump the brakes, and seemingly on her partner’s end. And extrapolating further, given how the sorrow expressed in former albums bleeds into TTPD, it sounds like a plan that had been concrete in some form before it had fallen apart, and losing something that once felt so tangible is what drives her in her grief to find any kind of respite from the pain. Which is why the situation with the conman becomes so appealing as the one with the partner splinters further and further.

(If everything you’ve once touched is sick with sadness and you don’t want to be sad anymore, what are you left to do?)

THE STORY

So (one part of) the story kind of sounds like this from the standard album: the relationship with her partner as well as his mental health slowly deteriorate and he withdraws emotionally (“London,” “Fresh Out The Slammer”) and physically (again, “London,” and “Guilty As Sin?”) and takes his resentment out on her (“London” and arguably “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys” even though I don't want to get into muse speculation here). As she sinks deeper into her own depression as a result, the weight of the failing relationship starts feeling like a cage— or a noose (“London,” “Guilty”), but coming to terms with the loss of their life together and the future they’d dreamed of was killing her (again, “London,” but also “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart”).

Enter the conman who she reconnects with at the very point where this is coming to a head (knowing that IRL she reconnected with him around the time Midnights was being worked on) , and if you read between the lines, she confides some deeply personal things to him (“Down Bad” and “hostile takes overs”/“encounters closer and closer,” “Smallest Man” and the entire sleeper cell spy imagery which is one of my favourite things and I could write a whole essay about the meaning of it, “loml” and “A con man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme”). Then after she’s confided these secrets to him, he insinuates himself back into her life (“Guilty,” “Down Bad,” “Smallest Man”) and sells her a dream that HE can give her all these things she hopes for (again, “Down Bad,” “Smallest Man,” “loml,” song “TTPD,” “Broken Heart”).

But the thing is, he only knows these are the things she wants because she’s revealed it to him, and presumably, told him that was what she was losing by staying with her partner. And instead of the normal response of, “that is really sad that your partner is not supporting you and you deserve to be treated better,” to a friend in growing distress, it seems like it was, “well I can give you all those things!!!! Right now!!!! Trust me!!!!” And worked on her until she believed it, and jumped at the chance at a precarious time in her life. And one thing I want to underscore is: Taylor has agency in the situation always, it’s not like she’s been kidnapped and brainwashed. (In fact, she implores on songs like “But Daddy” that SHE is in charge of her own choices, good or bad.) She chose to rekindle the friendship and then relationship, and she chose to eventually leave her long term relationship for another man, and she reiterates on the album that she owns this all. But it’s also: nothing exists in a vacuum, and she makes choices based on emotions and information she has at the time, which is why it gives so much whiplash.

THE ALBUM

When you look at it as, the situation with the conman only happens because of what happened with the partner first and that the appeal of the conman and the fantasy he sells her is a direct reaction to that, it makes the “swirliness” of the music make so much more sense. And for much of it, even many of the “conman” songs on the surface are really “partner” songs underneath.

Fortnight

A suburban gothic allegory about a broken marriage with a distant husband with a wandering eye, which makes the rekindled romance with the neighbor so appealing. She’s miserable caged in her stifling house because she’s been abandoned by her spouse, so the reappearance of this past love reignites the passion that’s dead at home.

TTPD

“So tell me, who else is gonna know me?” “I chose this cyclone with you.” I’m gonna kill myself if you ever leave. Everyone knows we’re crazy. She’s laying it out there that she’s already in a dangerous state of mind, and she’s actively putting herself in more danger by pursuing the conman. “At dinner you take my ring off my middle finger and put it on the one people put wedding rings on, and that’s the closest I’ve come to my heart exploding,” spells this whole thing out so clearly: whether it’s an actual event (likely) or a metaphor for the promise he makes to her, the reason why it makes her heart explode is because it’s the thing she’s been waiting for forever with no movement, and here this person comes in and slips it on her finger in an instant like it’s nothing. (And eventually, as we’ll come to know, it is absolutely nothing to him.) You mean it could have been this easy this whole time?! (Well, no. Not until a certain other suitor makes his appearance later.) It feels like she’s finally getting everything she wanted in the blink of an eye! How lucky! How convenient! What was that about the get-love-quick scheme you say? (Unsaid: the reason why this feels so urgent is because there’s a sense that time is running out in so many aspects of her life and not just the obvious. Which reappears later on.)

Down Bad

“Did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust just to do experiments on?” sets the scene for this euphoric experience in the moment that starts to feel violating once the dust settles (which is then followed up in “Smallest Man” and the spy mission on her). The bridge spells out how he weaselled his way into her life, preyed upon (intentionally or not) her emotional state, sold her a dream and then vanished, without the benefit of hindsight yet we see later in the album.

The alien abduction metaphor is pretty brilliant, because it shows both how she was desperate to escape the place she found herself in, and how much it screwed her brain to then be left stranded when the affair was over. “[I loved your] hostile takeovers, encounters closer and closer,” is so evocative because it details how the situation came to be: his overtures under the guise of friendship blurred lines until he made her an offer that she eventually couldn’t refuse (hostile takeovers) as he infiltrated her life more and more intimately. The sad thing is that the song has parallels to how her relationship with the partner started too in earlier albums, in that they ran away to live in their own bubble (or planet) only for him to metaphorically abandon her as the years went on. (Oven, meet microwave.)

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

Being continually emotionally broken down by a person who knows he’s hurting you but still acts the way he does. (The original voice memo version makes this even clearer and it’s rather heartbreaking.) “He saw forever so he smashed it up,” speaks to the loss of a future the person became scared of, and the original lyrics (“he saw forever so he blew it up”) somehow cut even deeper to me because it feels so much more intentional.

Also in the original version, “he was my best friend and that was the worst part,” also speaks not only to the loss of an entire partnership in the wake of this hurt, but also to the feelings of betrayal that the person you trust so deeply has the ability to hurt you in this way too, and how it’s a one-two punch of not only losing the relationship but also your closest confidant. (It’s like the sequel to “Renegade” and the missiles firing to me.) Again, there are shades of both/many situations in the song, pointing to an unfortunate pattern in some ways. The situation in “My Boy” is part of why she was so low, and why the “get love quick scheme” was so appealing later on. And it dovetails nicely into…

So Long, London

The most explicitly “partner” song that puts a coda on “You’re Losing Me,” and is Track 5 because it’s the emotional underpinning of how she got to where she was, and drives the events of the rest of the album. It spells everything out: He withdrew, she tried to fix it for both of them, eventually even that stopped working, he was oblivious to or minimized how badly she was suffering and his (in)actions couldn’t reassure her, he wouldn’t move forward on their future plans and stewed in his own struggles, she was spiralling out of control trying to hang on and ultimately felt like she was going to die if she didn’t leave.

But Daddy I Love Him

Like a direct reaction to “So Long, London” in that she breaks free from the death of one relationship and throws herself with reckless abandon to the next, fuck the haters. How dare you judge me, when the relationship you think I should have stayed in was killing me? (Dutiful daughter all the plans were laid. All you want is gray for me.) Fuck all of you, I’m going to choose whoever I want! (So what if I have a baby with HIM, huh?! I tried doing it the proper way and look where that got me so now we're back to square one) It’s again her imagining how wonderful and freeing this “wild boy” is going to be for her, and how wrong she’ll prove everyone. THIS TIME she definitely got it right. So what if she has to run away! So what if she scandalizes the whole town! They don’t know what she really wants or needs anyway! She’s the only one of her (hee-hee-hee) and she’s the only who gets to decides how this goes. (Because: she longs for control in a situation she’ll eventually realize she has little of it in, which we’ll find out is a recurring theme in her life.)

Fresh Out The Slammer

Also spells out what happened with the partner in the first verse and the pre-choruses, which is what makes the conman so appealing as the imagined jailbreak. The bitter loneliness vs. the sultry passion she builds up in her head as she awaits her release from prison is key to understanding the two sides of the story in the album. There’s this whole outlaw imagery (which is also carried through in “I Can Fix Him”), but it’s contrasted in the end with her and her reunited lover sitting on park swings like children with “imaginary rings” — because “Ain't no way I'm gonna screw up now that I know what's at stake.” What’s at stake is lasting love and the promises that come with it (marriage/family) that are precious and time-sensitive. The imaginary rings are both a nod to the youthful dreams of her and her new/old lover, but also has a double meaning to me because those promises aren’t built on anything together; they're made up, intangible. (They’re no more concrete than the plans that went up in smoke with the partner.) Like with most of the conman situation, it’s all a fantasy in her head that has yet to happen, and as we find out later in the album, reality ends up leaving much to be desired.

Florida!!!

Broadly speaking, it’s running away from your problems and wanting to disappear from your life. (But again: the life she’s disappearing from is the cheating husband she may or may not be feeding to the swamp-- another miserable marriage.) What kind of flies under the radar though is the “I don’t want to exist,” line, which points to her dire state of mind that led her to fleeing to that metaphorical timeshare down in Destin. In many ways about cheating death.

Guilty As Sin

Yes it’s the “masturbation song,” but again the nuance is that she’s left to pleasure herself because her partner has abandoned her emotionally and even physically, i.e. “my boredom’s bone deep.” To be blunt: they aren’t even intimate anymore, so she starts fantasizing about the guy she used to have chemistry with who’s reentered her life and is making moves on her. And realizing that she’s now finding release in another man (albeit imaginary) breaks her even as it reinvigorates her because she finally understands that the relationship she’s in is effectively dead. (“Am I allowed to cry?”)

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me

This isn’t about relationships, but about society and its reaction to them in a general sense. But again, she’s left to stew in all this anger and hurt as she’s been abandoned at home, then abandoned by public opinion, and the public attack on her is part of the origin as well as the end of that story. The trauma inflicted upon her detailed in the song is the reason why she felt trapped in the first place, which led to the decisions she’s made and habits she’s leaned on ever since.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

This is one of the few songs that is the most completely conman-coded, and shows when the delusion finally breaks at the end of the song. She spends the whole song being like, “no really, I alone can make him better! You’ll see! I know he’s gross, but he’s mine! It’ll be fine I swear! You don’t know anything! Uuuuuum hmm wait actually what the fuck—“

Loml

Oof. THE song. Again the surface reading is about the “conman” who comes in and sells her the lie, but the pain is because all the dreams she writes about are HER dreams and implied that they were the dreams she built with her partner that the conman sold back to her. I could do a deeper dive on this but most of the song is applicable to both relationships, which not only shows the “swirliness” of her writing, but also how they both ultimately did the same thing to her in different shades.

The bridge and the last chorus are kind of fundamental to understanding it all, and her ending it with “you’re the loss of my life” is about, among other things, how falling for this trap blew up the life she built and dreamed of for good. (I could talk about this one forever.) “You shit-talked me under the table, talking rings and talking cradles” to “Our field of dreams engulfed in fire” is a hell of a line and progression, and again, indicative of what the real driving force behind the whole album is. The shit-talking is because he took her dreams (of marriage and children) and hyped it back up to her tenfold whether in a moment of his own delusion or for more nefarious reasons — much like how the man prior kept promising these things but never followed through, which left her vulnerable to someone who appeared to offer them enthusiastically. The field of dreams isn’t just the one with the conman, it’s the one with the longterm relationship she’d built the dream with in the first place, because the conman’s actions are part of the reason the LTR went up in smoke. (Not the reason for the rift, but the consequence of the final break.) And THAT is why it’s the loss of her life, so completely.

When she says “I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all,” IMO it’s not just the fake future that the conman lures her into, but also (and perhaps mainly) the once-real one she had with her partner and the loss of which that made her susceptible to falling for the con in the first place. There’s honestly so much between the lines in this song that covers every theme and speaks to the grief of seeing the life she imagined slip away, slowly by the first man then annihilated by the second.

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

The juxtaposition of “He said he’d love me all his life, but that life was too short” and “He said he’d love me for all time, but that time was quite short” sums it up to me (and parallels “loml”), because they are two different situations, but they cut her just the same. In the first, “that life” IMO was the life they’d built with the dreams that went along with it and it was too short because he never followed through, and in the second, the “time” was quite short because it was the frenzy of the whirlwind romance that fizzled as quickly as it began. The life that was too short led to the time that was quite short.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

This is definitely THE conman song. The rage, the shame, the violation, it’s all in there. But the key to it is the bridge and the espionage imagery woven through it. A honeypot scheme is when spies target a mark and seduce them to gain their trust and their privileged information for their homeland. So her likening him to a sleeper cell spy who set her up just to mine her deepest secrets and use them against her is a heavy, loaded statement. And implied: that valuable information she unknowingly held were her longings of marriage and family (the aforementioned shit-talking about rings and cradles she never got to have), and more importantly, those dreams preceded him reentering her life and then beginning his mission on her.

The insinuation then is: she confesses these are her deepest wishes which are now seemingly unattainable in her current situation (e.g. with her partner) -> he convinces her HE will give them to her and make the dreams she pines for come true -> she falls for him and blows up her life to make it happen -> he gets what he wants (thrill of the chase/sex/the idea of her/whatever his intent was) -> he abandons her when he gets what he wants, or rather it isn’t what he wants or can handle -> she’s left a) all alone b) with dreams unfulfilled c) with no answers d) feeling used at having her most sacred wishes used against her.

Again, the song is unquestionably about the way the conman absolutely destroyed her, but he was able to do that because there was this thing she wanted more than anything, that was dying in her previous relationship, that he was able to prey upon to seduce her, then discarded her and her dreams as soon as it was inconvenient for him while absolutely hollowing her inside out. (And again: the devastating thing is that this also applies to other relationships she’s written about, in different ways.)

The Alchemy

Not about either the partner or the conman directly, but it (loosely) touches on her finding herself after the whole oven-to-microwave experience and opening herself up to life and love again. #GoodForHer

Clara Bow

This isn’t about the romantic relationships on the surface, but it is about how damaging the entertainment industry and public life are on women, and how women are only valued for their beauty as commodities until they can be discarded and destroyed in the process. Which I think plays into the circumstances that led her to make the decisions that she did years ago, and why she makes the ones she does now. (But also, being valued for physical traits and appeal for the male gaze brings us to…)

The Manuscript

The “original sin” that kicks off all of this. Again, at first light this isn’t about the partner or the conman, but the person it is about is the reason why she has made all the decisions she has ever since in relationships (and that’s Mr. Plaid Shirt Days from “All Too Well”). The realization that her first serious adult relationship is what cemented these patterns, and this view of herself and her worthiness in relationships, is profoundly sad. An older man who valued her for being so mature for her age and implying that the mature activities ahem associated with that were the performance benchmarks in her ability to carry a relationship, only to leave her, was earth shattering. She placed her faith in this person, but then the way he treated her changed her view of love and of herself.

She took his innuendo about “pushing strollers” as a sign of potential commitment, whereas he ultimately meant it as foreplay, and she was too young and naive to know the difference. So not only did she learn from that that this man (and men) didn’t view commitment and family the way she did and that it was something to be toyed with, but she also learned that her value to them among other things was sex. Imagine being an idealistic 20 year old and your boyfriend ten years your senior tells you, “if the sex is anywhere near as good as our dates have been, we’re going to be making babies before you know it,” (e.g. this is relationship is serious) and then he dumps you: does that imply that the sex was not in fact that good? (E.g. that you’re not worthy after all?)

No, obviously from this side of life, it’s because he was a commitment-phobic playboy, even if he did love her, but she couldn’t have known that at 20 and instead internalized that shame. But, it did send her on a path of how she approached sex and love and relationships for over a decade afterwards. And her coming to the realization that that first act of (perhaps unintentional) manipulation is what informed her actions thereafter helped her break the pattern. Her worth to men is not just sex, she has value and her hopes and dreams have value, she doesn’t have to change into a different person to please anyone, because if that is what they want, they won’t ever want her anyway.

It’s been described here on Tumblr by people more eloquent and astute than I as a song that encapsulates the album as this: one did it slow (partner), one did it fast (conman), and one did it first (first love)— and that is haunting. After years of men minimizing her dreams and desires, if not outright using them against her, she’s finally at the point where she can let it all go and move on for good. (There’s a whole other tangent about consent and shame and manipulation, but that’s an entirely different kind of discussion. But it is so devastatingly contrasted with “you said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine, and that made me want to die.”)

THE SUMMATION

This is just my interpretation of it, but in going through the standard album, it feels pretty clear how cohesive the album is about a story of love and loss and grief, then reckoning with what caused it all in the first place that set a person on this path. It’s a formative experience at a young age that was traumatic and led to certain coping mechanisms and a shaping of one’s self-perception, as well as the reaction to external pressures that try to dictate behaviours and influence how one feels one deserves out of love which makes it harder to know when one absolutely deserves more and better. And leaves one struggling to cope with loss when there isn’t anything else to hold onto. Then in light of one’s life blowing up, learning to find oneself in the aftermath all over again.

On another tangent that is somewhat related to the theme of loss, the way she writes about the two main muses on the standard album also ties into how the situations converged to create absolute carnage on her emotional and mental well-being. With one situation, she’s talking about a concrete life that crumbles under the weight of their struggles; with the other, the entire thing is a fantasy that she builds up in her head, and when it comes to fruition it falls far, far short.

If you look at the “microwave” (conman) relationship, you realize that almost everything she writes about it happens before it actually becomes reality, and it’s mostly her imagining how great it’ll be, but with few exceptions, when she writes about what actually occurred, it doesn’t even come close to living up to her expectations. “Fortnight” is an imagined future where she escapes to Florida and his touch finally starts her stalled engine (ahem). “TTPD” is perhaps the most positive retelling of their time together, but even that implies he was better off stoned and when he sobered up he succumbed to his demons all over again, and more importantly she conveys how she also is in extreme distress, barely concealed by the veneer of being infatuated with him. (E.g. saying to that she’ll kill herself if he ever leaves her — the implication is that she is absolutely serious about it when she “felt seen.”) And that the warning bells are going off in her head, but she feels like this person is the only one she can be with (because they’re equally fucked up and the chaos he brings into her life makes her feel alive when she felt so close to death).

“Down Bad” is the most explicit about being in love, but she’s also left completely confused and disoriented by him disappearing, wondering if any of it was real and the seeds of violation creep into her consciousness (“did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust just to do experiments on?” “Waking up in blood.”). “But Daddy” is her imagining she can tell everyone to fuck off for telling her what to do with her life. “Fresh Out The Slammer” is her fantasizing about this man while feeling trapped in her relationship — but never in the song is she actually reunited with him; she’s using him as the projection of all the things she’ll make right after being wronged by her partner. “Guilty As Sin?” Is very obviously about her fantasizing about sleeping with him, but again it’s such a minefield for her because it hasn’t happened yet; they’ve only just reconnected. “I Can Fix Him” is the only song other than “TTPD” that shows them actually together, and it’s the one where she keeps saying, essentially, “I know he’s gross but I can rehabilitate him into an upstanding person, trust me,” until the mic drop at the end of the song where it finally hits her that no, she can’t, because this is who he is, not the person she’s built him up to be.

“Loml” is when it all comes crashing down, and the song emphasizes everything he did and told her, e.g. that she’s the love of his life, but she doesn’t return the sentiment in the song about their time together. Because now that it’s past tense, she knows it wasn’t actually love. (And says as much in the album epilogue poem.) “Broken Heart” is her reeling in the aftermath, but again, it’s “he said,” not “I loved.” And then there’s “The Smallest Man,” where she eviscerates him: he also pursued an idea of her but didn’t care much for the real her in front of him (who else is gonna know me?), he love bombed her only to hurt her (crushing her dreams), he was constantly stoned (and not just in the funny munchies kind of way), and he wasn’t even a good lover (despite the fantasy she’d created before). That last point is especially striking because she spent albums singing about the importance of and pleasure in (sexual) intimacy in the relationship with her partner (sometimes to both their own detriment) and how it was at times the only way they could connect, but in this case, the idea she hyped up and acted on in her head about this lover never panned out in practice. She spells it out in the epilogue: it wasn’t a love affair, it was a mutual manic phase.

In contrast, there’s a lot more tangible action in the “oven” (partner) parts of the album, showing how hard she tried to make the relationship work in real life instead of just in her head. All of “So Long, London” is her detailing how she tried to break through to him and support him, even when he rejected it and pushed her away, thinking she could carry them both until they ultimately sank, but she did it because she “loved this place for so long.” (The place? Not just the city, but the home and perhaps most importantly, him.) In “Slammer” she stayed with him even as things disintegrated for “one hour of sunshine.” (E.g. holding onto the rarer good times even as they were fewer and further between, hoping things would eventually turn around.) And like in “London,” she held on despite people in her life pleading with her that it was hurting her. (Which is also echoed in “Slammer.”) In “Guilty” her boredom is “bone deep” because the passion that once drove their relationship (and papered over their problems) has finally gone out too, so there’s nothing left to hold onto, leading to her fantasizing about the new suitor, which makes her realize her relationship has passed the point of no return. “Loml” is about the conman on the surface, but the undercurrent of all the things she says about him is that he was co-opting the dreams that she was clinging onto for dear life in the previous relationship, which is why the con is so painful; the field of dreams he sets ablaze isn’t just the fake painting he sold to her, but the original artifact (her life with her partner) too.

All the physical and emotional labour she puts into the relationship with her partner ends up reflected in the fantasizing she does in the one with the conman, which is why it is so confusing in the moment and so lethal when he leaves her without any answers. She wants to get married and start a family with her partner which keeps getting stalled; the conman mock-proposes which makes her think he’s immediately serious (“TTPD,” “loml”). She feels caged by having to hide with her partner and shrink herself; the conman promises he’ll stand by her side publicly and let her shine (“Smallest Man”). She sinks into a deep depression in her loneliness as the relationship with her partner careens off a cliff; the conman convinces her they’re meant for each other in a them-against-the-world way (“Down Bad”). The intimacy (in all senses of the word) in her relationship with her partner fizzles; the conman stokes the fire by sending her secret messages and reigniting passion (“Guilty”). She spent years trying to help her partner to no avail; the conman makes her think she has the power to reform him (“loml”). She feels misunderstood by her partner; the conman acts like he’s the (only) one who truly gets her (“TTPD,” “loml”).

In short: there’s nothing that the conman does or says that isn’t a direct response to what her partner did first, and it’s even worse because the conman knew how much her partner’s actions hurt her and he used that privileged information to paint a picture of what he could give her, but in doing so in some ways aimed at her heart with even deadlier accuracy. (I’ve likened it to him borrowing someone else’s life for his own joyride, until he crashes the rental car and flees the scene.) It’s why in the aftermath, the difference in emotions are so different: she feels nothing but rage and violation towards the conman for getting in her head and using her, whereas her feelings towards her partner are more complicated. There’s anger (at her lost youth and being taken for granted), but there’s also sorrow (at their lost life and future), disappointment (that he never could step up the way he’d promised or she’d needed), even compassion (towards his struggles) and a tiny measure of appreciation (for the good times they did share).

When you look at the bigger picture, the story the album paints is just so painfully normal. You have two people (Taylor and her partner) who once loved each other deeply, and despite warning signs early on telling them they have fundamentally different needs and ways of living their lives they fight like hell to make it work (the epilogue) until those warning signs become grenades that destroy their home (“My Boy,” “London,” “Slammer,” arguably “loml”). Having already been through at least one rough patch/break/breakup that she felt almost destroyed her (harkening back to Midnights on “You’re Losing Me,” “The Great War” and “Hits Different”), the final and fatal downward spiral of the relationship (“YLM,” “London”) and the grief over losing that future sends her into a tailspin, just at the time where a flame from the past (the conman) reenters her life and tells her all the things she’s been longing to hear and feel (“TTPD,” “Down Bad,” “Guilty,” “loml”) and, crucially, missing from the relationship that was once her entire life.

So in her panic, she falls prey to the (empty) promises of the past lover (“loml,” “Smallest Man”) and decides he’s actually what will save her from the free fall, because the alternative (that she will end up in a situation she doesn’t think she can survive) is too painful to bear. When she finally acts on these circumstances (leaves her partner/runs to the conman), she snaps, acting on pure emotion and adrenaline (“But Daddy”), but before she knows it, the new lover abandons her, and she’s left to reckon with the fallout of the episode and process everything that has happened (“Down Bad,” “loml”) — with the conman, with her partner, with the choices made in her adult life personally and professionally which leads her back to the moment she feels set her down that road at the start.

The TL;DR of this unintentionally long essay is that the reason the conman affair was so serious was precisely because it was meant to fulfill the promise of what was her life with her partner. To me, a large part of the story is that she projected that life onto the conman (or he projected her life back to her for his own purposes) because she wasn’t ready to deal with that massive grief and the life raft he offered felt like the only alternative to an even darker end. Whether the conman actually believed what he told her, or he went along with it or encouraged it because it served his purpose, we’ll never know, just like we’ll never know the finer details of what went on (nor should we). But no matter what, the album is just an extreme deep dive into all the ways grief can consume us, and whether it’s a long, drawn-out death or a sudden, inexplicable one, it can turn a person’s life into such a trainwreck that they act in ways unfathomable to even them, let alone the people around them. It can also unleash repressed trauma and mental illness that can crater your sense of self. And when those situations are compounded? It makes for a nearly impossible type of breakdown to unpack. (Which is why you might need a 31 song album to process it.)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Not to poke a hornets nest but have you seen the song titles for Swift's new album? They're truly beyond parody at this point

god okay.

Fortnight (feat. Post Malone) - risky title on account of Fortnite, but not actually wrong or bad. only point of interest here is the presence of Post Malone, which is... interesting.

The Tortured Poets Department - I mean this one is obviously terrible. I think someone as big as Taylor Swift probably shouldn't be allowed to release an album called the Tortured Poets Department regardless; this shit would be weird and off-putting from anyone but, like, Lana Del Rey, since that's sort of her entire brand and always has been. but fresh off a year in which she was maybe the most inescapable aspect of all of popular culture? shut up, Taylor. when were you a tortured poet? was it hard having the biggest tour of anyone ever? being responsible for more co2 emissions than some small countries? I'm so tired.

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys - this is the title of a song that's made to be played while hyping up booktok's dark romance darling of the week

Down Bad - okay

So Long, London - the long-awaited sequel to London Boy, which was bad

But Daddy I Love Him -

Fresh Out the Slammer - do it, Taylor. do a blaccent. I dare you.

Florida!!! (feat. Florence + The Machine) - no one in their right mind should be this excited about Florida. also god can someone please get Florence out of there.

Guilty as Sin? - I don't actually have anything mean to say about this title but the question mark is an odd choice

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? - god this album really is going to be reputation 2.0. anyway this is so nitpicky but I really do think having two songs in a row with a question mark at the end looks goofy.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - stop it stop it stop it stop it you are a JOKE

loml - lol. lmao even.

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - sure. fine. this one is fine, whatever.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - [insert obligatory Ben Shapiro joke here]

The Alchemy - okay

Clara Bow - honestly? tentative interest. Taylor's narrative songs have been the only ones I've found halfway tolerable for like the last five albums. sure, Taylor. tell me your thoughts on golden age hollywood starlet Claa Bow.

The Manuscript - sure

[tiktaalic]

tortured poets review. by song

fortnight: fine. sounds like a song. one of the lana drag ones. the actual lyrical content is nothing special. i would not have made this track one. 6/10

tortured poets department: kind of exactly what you would expect from a taylor swift album called tortured poets department. it's silly. it's got references. it makes you go. girl? already less distinct musically. 3/10

my boy only breaks his favorite toys: the consequence of doing lana drag is that you listen to songs and go this would be a lot better if lana got her chords on it. fundamentally not a song that i can enjoy from taylor allison swift. a song i would respect in lana of video games fame catalogue once she strips it down. not like head turningly strange like tpd just plain and simple middle of the road. 4/10

down bad: this one is unlistenable for me. cant explain why. probably the chorus of down bad. i think it's tooooooo silly too silly by far when taylor swift does how do you do fellow teens vocabulary. 2/10

so long london: i can see the place that this takes on my spotify wrapped. lyrics are fine. good even. this + backing + doing something even the littlest bit different from soft monotone talk singing makes it one of the most memorable on this album by miles. probably not near the top of most memorable in her hundreds deep bench though. can't think of anything to dock it for but it's no belter. 8/10.

but daddy i love him: yeah okay. i love when she does a silly one. i think the instrumentals are nice. i'm having his baby. no i'm not! but you should see your face. easily i would listen to an album that was full of songs to this theme / musicality. points docked because i dont think she knows it's as silly as it is. 7/10.

fresh out the slammer: bored. i just looked at the lyrics and they're passable but they're performed in the most boring possible manner. stupidest name imaginable. i actually might bump it a point or two if the name was different. 4/10

florida: makes me go yaaaaaay florence every time i hear it. taylor's part halsey 2014 core. could have been worse! if i was in charge of cutting tracks i would keep this one. 6/10

guilty as sin: started it went oh i'm docking this one for boring. read the first quarter of lyrics and went oh this is fine? got to second half and went oh i don't care for this. can imagine a world where it's a better song with different backing and emphasis. 5/10

whose afraid of little old me: i dont think it's good necessarily but i love every song where shes like im craaaazy im insane. i think for the concept it's going for it could have been put together differently. 6/10

i can fix him: i like the way it sounds. but could use more oomph. it's so nice to hear guitars though. don't care for the subject matter. 5/10

loml: snooze. boring lyrics. boring performance. 4/10

i can do it with a broken heart: BAFFLING. easily the me / karma of the album. the tonal mismatch is the point but . well. it is what it is. i would like this more if it WAS a barbie soundtrack release i think. then it would have an extra layer of silly. i think this might make my wrapped. unfortunately. 5/10.

smallest man who ever lived: who gives a shit about matty healy. 4/10

the alchemy: head in my hands. head in my hands. football song. it's so over. and we are never going to be so back. 3/10

clara bow: i like the intro. i can't see myself ever doing more than half humming this. lyrics are whatever. fine, passable. 6/10

the black dog: yeah it's fine. no complaints. guitar 👍. 6/10

getyouback: why would you EVER tee yourself up perfectly to be compared to a better song. 3/10

albatross: oh i liked this one on first listen. 7/10.

chloe sam sophia marcus: outing song ‼️‼️‼️divorce music‼️‼️‼️. nothing too exciting or groundbreaking musically. 5.5?

how did it end: um. it gets points for being #real but not much else. 5/10.

so high school: i think i would like it if it was even a TOUCH less heterosexual. i would cut 3 lines that would turn it into a 6. i can see this song in someone else's hands dominating the radio and me loving that. in taylor's hands i'm giving it a 5/10.

i hate it here: not interesting. next. 4/10

thank you aimee: out of respect for taylor swift's struggles i will withhold comment and rating. -_-

look in people's windows: lyrics aren't bad but it's another one that's not really. doing anything. 4/10

the prophecy: yeah i'll give this one a 7/10. i would have one (1) greige complaint if this was on folkevermore but that's pretty damn solid.

cassandra: passing it and moving on. that's as much as it deserves. 5/10

peter: lyrics get a thumbs up. another 5.5? i could be talked into a six.

the bolter: yes girl commitment issues. 6/10. actually. 7/10.

robin: jesus god this album is too long. i have listened to too much taylor swift tpd to give this any kind of rating.

the manuscript: 5/10. like if woulda coulda shoulda had no beat

thank you for sharing this journey. with me and also taylor swift

[piastrisversion]

straight from the tortured poets department || matty healy x gn!reader

genre: slight angst+slight smut || word count:

warnings: mentions of a daddy kink and unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), also mentions of sh, first paragraph is delusion city....

authors note: the rat has crawled his way back into my mind so ur favorite matty healy x gender neutral fanfic writer is back and better than ever!! the story begins after the cut off so click it and ENJOYYY!!

Christmas, 2022. It was hard to go on social media without seeing Matthew Healy. The new album, the tour, the songs probably written about you (the word "probably" in this scenario meaning "of course they are, why wouldn't they be"). The edits on TikTok didn't help you to forget and/or move on from him. The sad part was you tried to move on. All the therapy sessions in the world couldn't stop you from telling all your friends you loved him still.

Matty Healy (@trumanblack) liked your story.

8:30 pm on Christmas-motherfucking-Day. Obviously you're not complaining, you wanted him back. But the fact he took the time to search your account on Instagram and click your story and like it. He wanted to show that he cared, at least that's what you thought. But Matty is a smart man. He knew you would bend at the idea of him coming back. He knew you saw all the edits, tweets, so on and so forth. But no, you thought, you won't give him the pleasure of sliding into his DMs like you so desperately wanted to do moments before the notification shot through. But that didn't happen.

Two hours later, you found yourself knocking on that bastard's hotel room door. He ended up sliding into your DMs, almost begging you to see him on Christmas. Matty may have been smart but before all that he was pathetic. He admits to that. He likes to be called a good boy after a being on stage for fucking hours, his aching cock in your hole doing nothing but just sitting in there, warming it up. He's a self aware man and you two accept that. You beg that he isn't just wanting you here to fuck you but in the back of your mind you not just want it, you need it.

Sheepishly, he opens the door.

"Didn't think you'd actually come" he coos

"Why's that?" you answer back softly

"Left me on read."

You chuckle as you enter the room. He's wearing a half-buttoned dress shirt and dress pants, both wrinkled. The room smells of Glossier Body Hero body wash and Matty's way-too-expensive cologne, which most likely costs more than your rent that month. The room is clean, classy yet still messy in Matty fashion. He stands behind you as your eyes wander around the room. He almost looks at you in wonder before he reluctantly breaks the silence.

"I got ya somethin'"

You hum out as he shuffles into the bedroom, bringing out a medium sized gift-wrapped box after a moment or two.

"You left this in Manchester." he says in an almost cocky yet still vulnerable way.

You look almost confused as you sit on the couch nearby, setting the present down before tearing into the gift wrap. After tearing through half a meter of wrapping paper and a half hazardly taped Amazon box, you find the typewriter you kept in his flat. The one that was used to write the mountains of poems and stories you wrote for him. The same ones your friends wanted you to burn but you couldn't. You would protest that it was "your art", to be subtracted from the context it existed in. But that wouldn't be possible.

"H...how long have you been waiting to give this to me?"

You look up at him like a lost, confused puppy dog.

"Matty...matty i-"

"Hm?" he interrupts

"...Is this all?"

"...Also wanted to talk to ya"

"About?"

"Christ, take a guess, darlin'" he says sharply

You look away from him and back at the typewriter. The worn out "M" and "H" letters. You smile to yourself before looking back up at him.

"What about it? Heard your thoughts on that album of yours" you say mocking him to an extent.

"Still as hostile as ever" he says under his breath.

"Oh, I'm the hostile one?"

"Well yeah-"

"How am I hostile...tell me" you interrupt.

He looks away, thinking of a response before looking back into your eyes. He plops down on the couch next to you, turning his head towards you before plopping his head on your lap. You sigh before you running your hands through his soft black curls. The room turns silent as the tension between the two of you turns comfortable as he nuzzles into your lap.

"Jus' miss ya...is all, I guess" he coos out, "Sorry if you got harassed or somethin'... didn't mean to start anything".

"I'm an adult, I'll be fine if some teenagers on the Internet tell me to slit my wrists, Matthew"

He somberly chuckles at your joke before going silent. He did miss you but he never viewed you two as exclusive. He thought it was just a lovebombing filled fling, something to take his and your mind off of the bullshit in your lives. But to you, due to the lovebombing on his side, you thought it was forever. You told your friends, your mom, everybody you could that he was the one. So when he ghosted you after months of obsessing over one another, it shook you. The album didn't help either but you didn't wanna tell him that. Not at this moment anyway. He moves his body to look up at you in the cutest most Matty way possible.

"My baby..." he sighs out as his eyes flutter shut.

You chuckle, "Hm?".

"I wan' to kiss my baby" he mumbles out.

You sigh. "Shut up, Matty...don't make this worse for us"

He gets up from your lap, looking at you in your eyes before softly pressing his lips against yours as his hand snakes up your jawline. Your hand, almost in muscle memory, goes under the hem of his dress shirt, holding his warm tattooed skin.

"Is this what you want?" he moans between kisses

You nod. If anything, this was what you needed.

[jewishrizahawkeye]

hello fellow members of the tortured poets department.

apologies for my absence from meeting, was being a little to tortured and not enough poet lately 😑.

but i would like to enter into evidence the songs for the days i missed. because it is late i might combine some songs together if they’re next to each other and if the idea for both over laps.

because of that this post will be analyzing fresh out the slammer and florida!!! but specifically how these songs start to explore more about the “american dream” theme that runs throughout the album. i’ve been waiting until these two songs to fully explore it as florida!!! is well… the most obvious place for me to start.

previous days: fortnight; THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT; my boy only breaks his favorite toys; down bad; so long, london; but daddy i love him

references to america are prevalent throughout the album. this does make perfect sense actually considering taylor had set up home base in london and even wrote songs mentioning certain spots (and even liking a boy from london). so taylor choosing to focus the next album on america and coming home after being away fits very well. taylor spent years away because she was afraid of people and moved to a different country to get away. but when she was left all alone and the relationship ended (so long, london) she had to go back home.

this is what we see in fresh out the slammer. the song feels more like a transition song, ie. moving from one location to the other. the song over all is not one of my favorites on the album as while it is nice i don’t feel like it adds as much depth. though i do think it adds more details to certain things touched on. specifically with taylor personifying london as her former partner transitions a bit to this song as she refers to him as a place and what that place did to her. it’s especially interesting to me seeing her refer to it as a prison at times considering in reputation there was also those motifs too but with fame and she felt more sheltered with her then partner. but now it is shown to be also caging her. she ran from one cage to another to protect herself, which is valid, but is now realizing that instead of seeing it as a safe haven.

the main part i want to focus on the song though is how she refers to her next partner viewing her as “the girl of his american dreams”. this is an interesting line and totally not referencing the 1975 as it paints a very distinct picture. the phrase “the girl of his dreams” means the person he thinks would be the ideal partner. this is shown in the media though as negative or in a overwhelming personification with the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype. so already the phrase is on shakey ground, but there’s nothing wrong with saying a partner is “your dream” partner. it can be a compliment.

however, taylor specifically adding the “american dream” to the phrases changes it entirely. she’s now evoking the idea of the american dream that’s the pull yourself up by your boot straps and end up with a house, a car, a wife, and two kids idea. i’m not going to sit here and dissect THAT cause that’s a whole ass lecture. but taylor saying this man views her as “the girl of his american dreams” is saying that she is the ideal partner to settle down with and start a life with. to have a family and get married. which is also noted on many other tracks as something a partner did to her but never followed through. which is ironically what the american dream is. it’s a lie sold to people to keep working and they can hope for a better future. but in actuality they have to keep working and climbing relentlessly to achieve it and never can reach it.

so by taylor saying she’s the girl of his american dreams, he’s selling her a false narrative that she desperately wants and craves but he has no intention on following through and will just use her until he’s done. it’s a very interesting word choice i really like.

and how that idea connects to florida!!!

florida is probably one of the most notoriously known states in america next texas and new york. it’s a hub for weird stories and hurricanes and just all together a chaotic place. but people still love it. in fact, it’s also another part of the american dream as the idea for a lot of people is to retire in florida after they lived their life. which is why i wanted to combine these two as they flow into each other.

taylor uses florida as both a place physically but also metaphorically (and technically as a person if we view it as the “miracle move in drug”) which ties into her using london as both a place and person. florida is the “state” your in post break up and leans into the chaoticness of the actual state. she uses the wildness that everyone has of florida to describe a post break up high.

there are MANY things she uses to describe this. but let’s first look at her referring to her partner as a “hurricane with her name/i got drunk and i dared it to wash me away/barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine”. hurricanes aren’t a stranger to florida and have done extensive damage to the state. but taylor refers to it as a storm with her name, ie. he was made just for her and in this state he’s out to destroy her because of how much damage their relationship did to her overall. but she acknowledges that she did tempt it, she did let it get this far and she had to drink her way through while hiding just to make it out alive.

but this florida, no one asks for questions about why you hate your ex because no one else in this state cares. in fact, they’ll help you hide the body if you help them. so taylor can throw her former lovers who she considered her home town (a reference to london boy “home is where the heart is, but that’s not where mine lives”/“but god i love the english”) but he never considered her more than a passing guest or her feeling like she was arrested there, because of her love for him and wanting to make it work or him keeping her locked away is open to interpretation. so she’s pissed, she’s running free and wanting to escape it all and is in the one state no one cares because they’re going through hell to and can’t bother to care about you.

in this case taylor is referring to florida as the clarity of post break up and running wild and free. which also does tie back into my previous days post about but daddy i love him as that plays into the classic romance piece of a forbidden love. it’s a very quintessential american idea of trucks through fences and small town elders saying to stay away from the good girl. and taylor even introduces it in fortnight by refrencing florida and “another night lost in america”. she is actively introducing the listener on page one to the idea of her longing to run away from it all and have freedom, but freedom looks different there than in florida.

bdilh->florida!!! just screams the idea of american hopes and dreams and young love. it’s wild and loud and messy and destructive and doesn’t see the future. which then later gets wrapped up somewhat in i hate it here from the anthology tracks. because taylor saying “i’d say the 1830’s but without all the racists and getting married off for the highest bid… nostalgia is a minds trick if i had been there i’d hate it” which can be her acknowledging that the idea this man sold to her and the freedom she fantasized about wasn’t what it actually was and hates it in hindsight.

this post is disjointed, and i apologize, but the idea of the american dream running through has been something i keep going back to on relistens and i wanted to introduce it to the community for discussion. thank you again for letting this be late.

[not-scared-of-microwaves]

The Tortured Poets Department Review

Now that I've sat with it for a few days, I actually have some coherent thoughts on TTPD, though I won't know where it falls in my overall rankings for a while.

Overall

The thing people aren't getting is that this is Taylor Swift. This is, quite honestly, one of the most quintessentially Taylor albums she's ever released. It has the lyricism of Folklore, the sensibilities of Evermore, the self-awareness of Reputation, the storytelling of Fearless, the specificity of Debut and Speak Now, the vagueness and metaphors of 1989, the synths of Midnights, the rawness of Red. It's American Gothic. It's fictional. It's nonfiction. It's confessional, it's scathing, it's cringe, it's clever, it's more than a little crazy.

She admitted things in this album you couldn't waterboard out of me. People say it's the most unlikeable she's been, but it's also the most human. She's not censoring herself to keep her likeability. That's brave.

Fortnight [feat. Post Malone]

Do I like it? Yes. Do I think it should have been the album opener and the lead single? No, probably not. I'm planning on doing a track by track breakdown later, so I'm not going to go in depth on the lyrics here, but there are some interesting metaphors. You can tell she thinks she's slaying the "I want to kill her" line, and while she is, I don't think she's serving as much as she thinks. A vibe. On my playlist but not on repeat. 7/10

The Tortured Poets Department

The title track. This should have been the opener and lead single. It makes a much better mission statement for what this album is than Fortnight does. Who's gonna hold you like Taylor Swift? No fucking body. The production is.... twinkly? for lack of a better word. She's being specific and metaphorical, making cultural references, and she's self-aware--this is Taylor Swift, people. A vibe. Not on repeat, but only because I have others I prefer, not because I don't love it. 9/10

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

It's a metaphor, it's tongue in cheek, it's self-aware, it's heartbreaking, it's a bop. She knows the relationship is toxic and killing her, but it wasn't always, and so she keeps holding on hoping it will go back to the way it started. At the end, she accepts that it won't be going back. Lyricism? Peak. Beat? Peak. On repeat. 10/10

Down Bad

Incredibly real and human. She's reflecting on the feelings of being love bombed then left behind, how it feels so good until it really, really doesn't. A call back to New Romantics. The lyrics say sob, the beat says dance. 10/10 on loop.

So Long London

A track five. Does it live up to the name? I'm not sure. It's sad, certainly, but it doesn't have the rawness of All Too Well or My Tears Ricochet. It's more resigned and tired. She's accepted that the relationship has fallen apart and now she's just tired, frustrated, and ready to be done. Even if she's sad, she still has some control, and that makes it a little easier. Drags on a little long for me, but the flip of "so long" is definitely clever, and she has some very relatable lyrics, and I see the purpose to it being on the album. 7/10.

But Daddy I Love Him

Love Story's older sibling. Again, I won't get too into it bc I want to do a breakdown. She's self-aware but it doesn't help because she's just desperate to make her own decisions. Calling out conservatives and small-town churches. Cringe in places but that's our girl. Minus a point for the baby lyric being in the chorus instead of like. the bridge. Half a point back bc you SHOULD have seen my face. 9.5/10.

Fresh Out The Slammer

This has some juicy information, but I'll save that for the breakdown. Very metaphorical, but also specific enough we know what's going on. Excellent story-telling. Really brings us into the headspace she was in at the time. I don't have it on repeat but through no fault of it's own. 10/10.

Florida!!! [feat. Florence and the Machine]

Flop. The drug metaphor isn't that creative and while there are a few decent lyrical moments, it's just not that good and the soundscape isn't interesting enough to redeem it. That said, even a bad taylor swift song is better than a lot of other artists. 5/10.

Guilty As Sin?

I don't think I've ever heard a song approaching this issue (emotional infidelity) in this way. It's got all the hallmarks of a Taylor Swift song: pop culture references, references to her past discography, religious symbolism, an outro that matches the intro. It's painfully honest, unapologetic, and human. A bop. 10/10.

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?

Mad Woman and Mirrorball are shaking in their boots. It's giving horror, it's giving Salem Witch Trials, it's giving a reflection on fame and its effects. It's terrifying, it's haunting, it's beautiful, it's heartbreaking, it's unhinged. 10/10 doesn't feel like high enough.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

We're at the saloon and I'm happy to be there. Another song that is quintessentially Taylor: country sensibilities, religious themes, self-awareness, story telling, change in the outro, bad decisions made out of love. Not my favorite but only because I like other songs better, not because I don't like it. 9/10.

loml

This may be the saddest song she's ever written. Two meanings to "loml" as there should be. She's heartbroken and it's breaking me too. Vocals are giving "I'm on the verge of tears." Story telling, religious themes, metaphors. It's scathing, it's haunting, it's confessional. I'm not crying you are. 10/10.

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

Lyrics are giving heartbreak, sound is giving bop. So powerful and relatable. Excellent storytelling, and tells us so much about her headspace. We know exactly what she's talking about. It's giving Youre On Your Own Kid. 10/10.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

The storytelling, imagery, details--all peak Taylor. It's scathing, it's haunting, it's Taylor Fucking Swift. Wild to me that Mattie Healy's family listened to the album and were relieved because it could have been worse when this was in it. This, the take town of the century, could have been worse. Legendary. 10/10.

The Alchemy

If one more person tries to claim this is about Travis Kelsey there will be blood. "Oh but the football metaphor--" she's been doing that for years. Miss Americana, anyone? She's weirdly obsessed with high school football. This isn't about Travis, it's clearly about a rekindled relationship, not a new one. Travis can't spell "heroine" (I don't think he's stupid, but his tweets have proven he cannot spell). Metaphorical, clever, and definitely tells us her mindset. A bop. 9/10.

Clara Bow

This song. The Lucky One, Nothing New, they're both shaking in their boots. A reflection on what it's like to be a pop culture woman, the lies they tell you, and the promises they pull from you. Taylor saying her own name in a song. AND it's the album closer. 10/10 isn't nearly good enough.

Extended Album

The Black Dog

The storytelling, the way she took a single moment of stalking her ex and turned it into a beautiful lament on what it's like to lose someone and imagine what they're doing now, then in the outro brought it back to that one instant--and people say she can't write. Religious themes, references to past songs, this has it all. 10/10

imgonnagetyouback

Before people go around accusing her of copying Olivia Rodrigo, this would have been written before Get Him Back came out, so no copying occurred on anyone's part. They each took the concept and turned it into two very different songs. Imagery, story telling, craziness, a BRIDGE. 9/10.

The Albatross

Story telling, metaphors, literary references, clever turns of phrase, a change of meaning in the outro. Either a reflection on the way she's frequently depicted or is fictional, most likely a reflection on the way she's depicted through a fictional character. Just feels a little distant to me. 8/10

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

Heartbreak, metaphors, bisexuals--what more can I ask for? All while she's imagining her ex moving on and thinking about how it fell apart. Objectively good but just not that interesting to me. 7/10

How Did It End?

Another that's objectively good but just not clicking for me. Story telling, metaphors, the lyricism is slaying. Asking how it ended through the lens of a gossip uninvolved in the relationship, but not being sure how it ended herself. 7/10.

So High School

Glitter gel pen. Objectively, not that creative or interesting. It's just a bit of fun. She's not taking herself seriously, she's writing silly song about how she feels like a silly teenager in love, and it does have some interesting lyrics. It's a bop. You know Travis heard this and was like "this is great babe I love it." Objectively, like a six, but this song has a choke hold on me for some fucking reason. 9/10.

I Hate It Here

Everyone's talking about the racists lyric and I swear reading comprehension is gone. Piss on the poor. This is for the girlies who daydream 'too much', who devoured books in middle school, who took things to seriously and too literally. 10/10.

thanK you aIMee

This song is so funny to me. "Here's thirty songs about my mental state and btw fuck Kim K." Serving metaphor, lyricism, and homicide. A mythology reference. A scathing takedown. 8/10 an icon.

I Look In People's Windows

I've not seen nearly enough people talking about this one. It's so relatable, honest, and unhinged. Storytelling, imagery, wondering what if. Heartbreak. I've never heard a song take this approach to these emotions. 9/10.

The Prophecy

The desperation, the feeling of hopelessness, they hit hard. She's reflecting on the repeating patterns of lost relationships, and how it feels inevitable at this point, and how she's willing to beg for it. She's losing hope, and willing to do just about anything to have it again. 10/10 devestating.

Cassandra

I am a mythology nerd at heart, so using Cassandra as a metaphor was a guaranteed way to get me obsessed with a song. She's serving lyricism, story telling, imagery, metaphor, mythology references, anger, sadness, what more could I ask for? Heart breaking. 10/10

Peter

Literature references, lyrics, heartbreak. Objectively, it's very good, but I'm bored. 7/10.

The Bolter

Storytelling, imagery, lyrics, literature references, the Bolter serves it all. I'm not entirely sure what it's about but it's a bop. I think it's fictional, but it's Taylor reflecting on her own life through the lens of this fictional girl. 9/10

Robin

I. Don't care. It's probably got great lyrics or something but I skip before I'm through the first verse because I'm just bored. Sonically, boring. Lyrically, the first verse doesn't redeem it. I've listened all the way through once and it was enough for me. It's not egregious, it's just not interesting. Flop. 4/10.

The Manuscript

I also skip this one but I have more of an appreciation for it than I do for Robin, just because of the subject matter. I have my theories on what it's about *cough* All Too Well Ten *Cough*. I like this as an album closer as well. French press lyric kills me. 7/10.

[notoriousbeb]

TTPD Thoughts - The Manuscript (Pt. 1)

TTPD Notes Glossary

"Fortnight"  

Definitely written in the spring of 2023. I think the video was shot in the fall.  

The concept of treason/being a traitor comes up in reference to Harry in 1989 as well (“you dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor”)  

In the music video, the typewriter Taylor is using is missing the 1 key (like the song “The 1”?) and she leaves several blank spaces in her writing of “I love you, it’s ruining my life” (perhaps a nod to the “Blank Space” song?)  

When Taylor and Post Malone are laying in the Taylor head silhouette it's a callback to the "Style" music video from the original 1989 era, where the Harry stand in guy is standing on a beach in a silhouette of Taylor's head.  

You know who is tattooed and kinda hot and thus a good Harry stand in a MV? Posty.  

I think she's envisioning a kind of nightmare future of being trapped in the metaphorical neighborhood that is their small industry and having to watch him move on while she continues to love him (ugh. thanks, it's beautiful and sounds awesome and i hate it).  

The last new album, "Midnights,” ends with "Hits Different,” on the line, "Is that your key in the door, down the hallway? Is that your key in the door, is it okay? Is it you? Or have they come to take me away? To take me away?" First line of Fortnight, the first song on TTPD? "I was supposed to be sent away but they forgot to come and get me.”  

A slight diversion into "Hits Different" and why I've always believed it's about Harry:  She's clubbing, so that narrows down the choices right away to either Harry or Calvin, but based on how she went right from Calvin to Tom to Joe and was definitely not heartbroken enough to be puking, but rather immediately enamored with someone else....We learn that, technically, she broke up with him ("curse the space that I needed") but she's devastated. Like "I broke my own heart, cuz you were too polite to do it?" This really seals it as 1989 Harry to me.  

“The Tortured Poets Department”  

Definitely written in the spring of 2023  

“Who else decodes you?” reminds me of how Harry called their back-and-forth song writing to/about each other (cue the “Fortnight” typewriter smoke battle) “the most amazing unspoken dialogue ever.”  

A “tattooed golden retriever?” I mean… come the fuck on. That’s a Harry descriptor if I’ve ever seen one.  

“You’re in self-sabotage mode, throwing spikes down on the road, but I’ve seen this episode and I still love the show.” “You awaken with dread pounding nails in your head. But I’ve read this one where you come undone." These aren’t the words of someone who merely wondered about what it would be like to be with a friend or acquaintance. These are two people who deeply know each other and have been together before.  

Also, Harry has documented anxiety that she’s also sung about it previously (“did you get anxious though, on the drive home?” - Now That We Don’t Talk)  

I hate and love the fact that they both told people they would kill themselves if it didn’t work out. I hate it, because that’s a terrible, dumb plan. But I love the passion. Also, who is Lucy? Was he taking to Lucy from Boygenius? That Lucy openly dislikes Matty on main, so I think it’s weird people are using her as a proof point that this song is about him. Did Taylor change that particular name here because it would have been a dead giveaway for this song being about Harry?  (Someone like, Ed, perhaps?)

“My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys  

Probably written in spring 2023  

She refers to the muse as the “sickest (I believe this is a double meaning as in cool and also having mental illness issues) army doll purchased at the mall.”  

You ever seen a G.I. Joe under the fatigues? They don’t look like a pasty ex heroin addict. They do look like a certain former boy-bander from Manchester, though. Just saying.  

“Oh, here we go again,” “put me back on my shelf,” “we could’ve played for keeps this time,” “I knew too much/there was danger in the heat of my touch,” “he saw forever so he smashed it up.” Again, these are things you say about someone you’ve been with before, on and off, not someone you saw in concert twice and worked with once. You, especially, don’t see forever with someone after only 20 days.  

“But you should’ve seen him when he first got me.” We did see Matty. Was there someone else in the background who, perhaps, we did not see? Perhaps a certain curly haired former Boy Bander?

“‘Cause it fit too right/Puzzles pieces in the dead of night.” Hmm. Doesn’t sound like the mediocre sex described in “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived” to me

Want to know what lines had me crying in the club on my sad girl walk? “Just say when—I’d play again. He was my best friend down at the sand lot.” Again, these are two people who know each other very well, and have for a long time.  

[hotpoopymilk]

i could probably write a whole essay about this but i'm tired so i'm just gonna give the tldr and if anyone sees it and would like to start a discussion in the replies or reblogs that would be amazing but anyways:

guys i literally cannot stop thinking about taylor swift's torture poets department and all of the parallels/references to greek mythology. specifically in this post i just wanted to talk about the song Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? and the fact that there are so many women in media/history/literature/etc or just women in general who can relate to the narrative of this song, but the one woman/story that i keep coming back to is the tragedy of Medusa.

in the chorus, "i was tame, i was gentle til the circus life made me mean," i mean this part is pretty self explanatory, she was literally just a girl living her life and then the gods had to fuck it all up

then the bridge when it goes, "so all your kids can sneak into my house with all the cobwebs, i'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said? that i'll sue you if you step on my lawn. that i'm fearsome, and i'm wretched, and i'm wrong," this could refer to perseus and all the other "heroes" coming after her

and jumping back to the second verse, "the scandal was contained" (her and poseidon, ya know, in athena's temple being the scandal in question), "the bullet had just grazed, at all costs keep your good name, you don't get to tell me you feel bad," i feel like this part could be directed to either athena or poseidon, or even both of them depending on which telling of the myth you prefer (personally i think that this narrative fits better with the version where she was in love with poseidon but he was just using her to give a middle finger to athena, and then athena punished her for poseidons actions, but that's just my opinion).

but yeah i think the story of medusa in general is kind of something that a lot of people go back and forth on. i know a lot of people on here like to frame the story so that athena had medusas back when she was assaulted and turned her to into a protector for women and stuff like that, but for me the reason why the story of medusa resonates is because it's the story of a woman who was put down by another woman because of the actions of a man, and so this woman becomes bitter and takes her rage out on others. i've seen this narrative play out in real life so many times. in my opinion, this is the more realistic narrative. not that greek mythology is meant to be realistic, lmao.

but yeah. this album really is female rage: the musical. and i get that this isn't a pop-y kind of album that appeals to the masses, and i do think that there's plenty of valid criticisms about the production of certain songs, but this really is probably my favorite album of hers, and i'm literally a lifelong fan (debut came out when i was two lmao). at the end of the day this album i feel wasn't made to appeal to the masses, but girls who get it get it and i love it. it's not an overly earwormy album but it gets me thinking and drawing parallels and i love that. but yeah hope yall enjoyed the semi sleepy adhd hyper fixation rant.

[tales-of-kaylor]

The Tortured Poets Department - first thoughts

Thought I‘d share my thoughts on some of the songs after the second listen. My brain isn‘t equipped to process 31 songs, so I‘m focusing on the original tracks for now ��� (I also left out a few of the original tracks because I have no coherent thoughts on them yet.)

I can‘t wait to read everybody else’s thoughts and discuss them!

- The title track could definitely be from Karlie’s perspective (thank you for your message anon)

- My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys: there are so many kid/childhood references on this album (I wonder why). This song being one of them. It‘s one of my favorites right now. Cause I knew too much, there was danger in the heat of my touch. He saw forever so he smashed it up is so queercoded!

- Down Bad: I haven’t formed full thoughts about this song but it feels to me like it could be about Scott Borchetta? I could also see it being about Karlie and their situationship in the beginning?

- So long, London: Imo there’s also traces of Scott Borchetta in here. I‘m pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free. | And you say I abandoned the ship but I was going down with it. | Just how low did you think I‘d go before I‘d self-implode? Before I‘d have to go be free?

- But Daddy I Love Him: This is my personal track 5 because it absolutely broke me. The imagery, the message that she was caged at a young age and made to do as she was told is beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. I just learned these people try and save you cuz they hate you. | I‘ll tell you something right now, I‘d rather burn my life down than listen to one more second of all this bitchin‘ and moanin‘. I‘ll tell you something about my good name, it‘s mine alone to disgrace. | Thinking it can change the beat of my heart when he [she] touches me and counteract the chemistry and undo the destiny.

- Fresh Out The Slammer: This song is very intriguing. I‘m reading it as, the love blackout is over. All those nights you kept me going, swirled you into all of my poems. Now we‘re art the starting line, I did my time.

- Florida!!!: Is this connected to the End Game music video?

- Guilty as Sin: Gay sex.

- Who‘s Afraid of Little Old Me: This song is so good! So much anger, no filter. I‘m here for it! The way she screams Who‘s Afraid of Little Old Me sends dopamine to my brain.

- I Can Do It With A Broken Heart: It‘s a bop. The last line Try and come for my job is everything. I know everyone thinks this song is about the Eras Tour, but I‘m not convinced.

- The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived: another Scott Borchetta song imo. I just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal. Her rumored coming out in June 2019? Also… that bridge 🤯

- The Alchemy: On the surface this seems to be about TK but when you look closer it’s a Kaylor song imo. These blokes warm the benches. This line reminds me of exile and is probably about the beards.

[goldenavenger02]

“The Tortured Poet's Department: I know it's not out yet, but based on the vibes, the few lyrics we've seen, the fact that it's probably going to be in the vein of folklore and evermore and the whole message of the album (finally being free after years and years trapped and unhappy), I really think it's going to fit Misako. POSSIBLY Garmadon, but that's my prediction and I'm fully prepared to eat my words.”

Now that the album came out, would you change what you said? I think but daddy I love him or maybe fresh of of the slammer kinda fits idk ttpd isn’t my fav

Okay, now that I've had a week to digest and process the album (no, I still don't know the lyrics and as much as I love Taylor, I will never be staying up till 2 a.m for her music, or anyone's music, ever again. I stopped processing lyrics during But Daddy I Love Him lol) I still somewhat stand by my perdiction.

Fortnight, My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys, So Long, London, But Daddy I Love Him, Fresh Out The Slammer, I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can), The Black Dog and imgonnagetyouback feel very Garmadon/Misako to me

The Tortured Poets Department, Guilty as Sin? and How Did It End? feel very Wu/Misako to me.

And Flordia!!!, The Albatross, I Hate It Here, I Look In People's Windows, The Prophecy, Cassandra, The Bolter & The Manuscript feel very Misako to me.

But what I wasn't expecting was songs that didn't feel like her or either of her canon relationships.

Like loml, The Alchemy and So High School that feel like Jaya. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart that feels like Jay season 4. Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me which is so Lloyd Oni Trilogy (but also Harumi). Clara Bow which feels like The Lucky One and Nothing New AKA Wu passing down the "master" mantel to Lloyd. Peter which has some Kailor paralells.

And the songs I haven't assigned yet (Down Bad, The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived, Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus, thanK you aIMee & Robin) are just floating around in endless space until my brain goes "wait a minute!"

So yes, I think my prediction was somewhat correct but I am totally open to other opinions because the album has only been out for a week and I made my original list after Midnights had been out for about a year and a half.

[maryse127]

Spotify Wrapped Summary :)

Artists

To the surprise of absolutely nobody: Taylor Swift

Nobuo Uematsu - also not surprising with how much I have been listening to Distant Worlds arrangements, some of the older Final Fantasy osts and of course the FF7 Rebirth theme song

Coldplay! I know I listened to them quite a bit and even had like a few weeks where I only listened to them but still wasnt expecting this

Masayoshi Soken - I cannot figure out if I am more surprised at him being higher than Yoko Shimomura or at Coldplay being higher than both of them. Anyway, can you tell that I started critically acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV's Free Trial this year? Also Square Finally uploaded the FFXVI soundtrack. But too late to get Away in the Top 100 songs. With how much I listened to my CD rip of that ost my Wrapped would have looked quite different if Square had dropped it on streaming earlier

Yoko Shimomura My Beloved - I actually got to meet her at a concert in Berlin and rode that high for an entire week. But apparently I didnt listen to her music as much this year. Probably because I have been listening a lot more to other Final Fantasy soundtracks besides XV this year

Songs

No Promises to Keep (Final Fantasy VII Rebirth Theme Song) <- important addition as there is at least one other version of this song in my Top 100 by Nobuo Uematsu vocals by Loren Allred - When a short version of the song was performed at last year's Game Awards I knew this would be my number one song (if it was released on streaming, which it did). Like months before the game even came out. And yet here we are. Not even counting all the times I listened to my youtube rip from before it was on Spotify. And the times I listened to my CD rip because yes I got the single CD of this in Japan for more money than it's reasonably worth

Can't Catch Me Now from The Hunger Games The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes movie by Olivia Rodrigo - I am nothing if not a Hunger Games fangirl. I also just love this song. Also also it fit very well with one of my daydream scenarios which played a role in listening to this on repeat

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? by Taylor Swift - My absolute favorite song from the new album. And also played on repeat for the same daydream. But also I just love it.

Too Much is Never Enough by Florence + The Machine - 3rd consecutive year that this song makes the Top 5. I am not immune to Songs From Final Fantasy XV

Melodies of Life ~ Final Fantasy also by Nobuo Uematsu of course. The (English version of the) Final Fantasy IX ending theme. Vocals by Emiko Shiratori. Wasn't the biggest fan of FF9 but this song is beautiful. Also different scene in the same daydream continuity.

Was gonna do Top 5 and some special mentions but Top 6 because I would have loved it if it had made Top 5: The Call by Regina Spektor. Anyone remember Prince Caspian? Beloved 2nd Narnia movie from way back in the day? I sure do. This song is soooo pretty. This movie lived rent free in my mind when I was 15. I watched it with a friend a while ago. She had never seen it before but she liked it too. I still knew at least half the dialogue by heart. I am also still not immune to Ben Barnes.

Special mentions:

The other Songs From Final Fantasy XV come in at 8 for I Will Be and 12 for Stand by Me

List seems to mostly be from Taylor Swifts latest album The Tortured Poets Department, my Final Fantasy Distant Worlds and Final Fantasy vocal tracks playlists, the Xenogears, Final Fantasy XV, XIII, and VII Rebirth soundtracks (VII Rebirth being just a a few song preview of the full ost) and Coldplay's album Magic

Last year's number 1 Electric Touch by Taylor Swift and Fall Out Boy is still pretty high up at 15

Last year's number 2 Cruel Angel's Thesis however has dropped to 98 which is very symbolic of how intense yet shortlived my Evangelion obsession was last year

Remember when I said there was more than one version of No Promises to Keep? The Band Version (with Nobuo Uematsu's band) is on 17. The instrumental version of the game version is on 34, the instrumental version of the band version is on 50

Highest scoring entry by Yoko Shimomura (patron god of this blog) is Somnus (Instrumental) Distant Worlds version at 14 which is shockingly low. Next entry is Somnus Ultima at 18. Valse di Fantastica comes in at a shockingly low 22. Noctis theme is at 46 which is insane to me. I failed both my blorbo and my god

There's only 4 Taylor Swift songs here that aren't from TTPD which is shocking to me. Some of the TTPD songs that are here are like skip songs to me nowadays too.

Despite being my number 4 artist Soken has 0 songs in the Top 100. If Square had dropped the FF16 ost earlier Away and Ascension and Hide, Hide Away would have been here for sure.

Valse di Fantastica came on while writing this post and holy fuck why is it so low I love this song

Coldplay's highest entry is Magic at 58 which is low for my 3rd artist but at least they are on the list unlike Soken XD

Other notable things

On July 5th I streamed the most: 671 minutes aka more than 11 hours. The Wrapped wonders how I did that. Well, that's just what a 13 hour flight to Japan does to you

(If you are wondering why my 15 hour flight back isn't here: I watched like 8 hours of Netflix on that flight)

Spotify's genres are always bullshit but I had an actually accurate one for the month of May: Nerdy Vocal Soundtrack. I am pretty sure the Distant Worlds concert was in May so it tracks that it peaked there. Unlike what Spotify claims this wasnt a phase tho. It's just me

While writing this post the Distant Worlds version of FF9's Vamo'alla Flamenco came on and just shoutouts to this song being amazing and double shoutout to the guitar soloist at Distant Worlds. Dude got so much applause and rightfully so. That whole concert was hype af but this song was one of the best moments.

Anyway, send me a number 1-100 and I'll post (and probably ramble!) about whatever song placed at that number!

[what-even-is-thiss]

Okay, thoughts written down after class when I’ve actually got time to listen to the whole thing because this thing is movie length for some reason

This is gonna be long but it’s all in one reblog so it doesn’t clog up your feed

Insert from future me: I ended up listening to half of it before taking a break so this is gonna be the first half. This should’ve been two different albums. I feel like a 15 song album is my limit for a listen-through. I’ll give thoughts on the second half later

Fortnight: not about the video game sadly. the song is mostly standard Taylor Swift fare with some edgy flavor thrown in there. I’ve never listened to Post Malone before and I like his voice in this one. Might see if I like some of his other work later. Can’t say I’m a fan of the music video’s specific use of psych ward imagery.

The tortured poets department: I don’t really like this one. Specifically the writing. It just doesn’t vibe with me. Hopefully it gets more young people to read Dylan Thomas though. This just sounds like Taylor Swift song and nothing else to me. She’s not really breaking new ground with this one.

One of the things I like about Taylor Swift is that she’s fairly different between albums while still sounding solidly like Taylor Swift but at this point I’m sorta struggling to figure out what she’s doing differently here

My boy only breaks his favorite toys: It’s aight. I’ll probably listen again but not on repeat. It’s too similar in tone to the last two songs though in my opinion

Down Bad: it’s on this album for sure. The lyric video for this one is a good example of my problem with official lyric videos these days. Like there’s getting creative with your typography and then there’s whatever that PowerPoint slide looking abomination is.

So Long, London: It’s pretty good but not in a knock your socks off way it’s just pretty good I like it but at this point as an album I’m wondering where we’re going with this. We’ve mostly stayed in a very similar tone musically with these first five songs

But daddy I love him: This is the first one that’s going in the casual listening shuffle playlist. It’s more similar to her older stuff but not in a way where it feels like a step backwards. Just a little bit of her old country flavor here but not too much. Just a pinch. Classic persona stuff as well. She’s done this sort of thing from the beginning but did a lot of it in folklore and evermore

Fresh out the slammer: I don’t really get this one lyrically. Like the whole concept of it is sort of lost on me I think. Musically it’s pretty similar to stuff she’s been doing since Reputation so not much to report on that.

Florida!!!: This song gets better as it goes along. I really love the drums in this one. It’s also reminded me I need to listen to more Florence + The Machine. Love the vocal mixing here too. It’s got good texture. I’d like to eat this song, tbh. In a good way. Going on the shuffle playlist.

Guilty as sin?: Classic Taylor Swift pining sing. That’s the good stuff. It’s even got a chorus! Might consider putting it on the shuffle playlist.

Who’s afraid of little old me?: Obviously written for teenage girls to have revenge fantasies to. I think this was the one people were getting mad about on tumblr. I think I get the criticism but this song is not that deep and I don’t think it needs to be. Not going on the shuffle playlist but I might listen to it on loop while writing as background noise

I can fix him (no really I can): it’s here for sure. It’s on the album. Don’t super care about this one either way but I just know if there’s ever a music video for it it’ll be insufferable

loml: not my vibe but it’s well done and has some good turns of phrase in it

I can do it with a broken heart: Classic song about being famous and under pressure that the average person can’t relate to. It’s kinda fun though. I think we needed some fun in this album. I mean yeah the lyrics are about being depressed after a breakup but it’s fun musically.

The smallest man who ever lived: Not exactly sure what that was tbh. Breakup song I suppose. It’s fine. Won’t be seeking it out again.

My thoughts so far are that there’s some good stuff here but I worry that maybe she’s reached the point of fame where people can’t tell her when a song doesn’t need to be on an album anymore. Some of these songs tire me, I’ll be honest. There’s a lot of sameness going on here I haven’t come to expect from her.

I have figured out that all the sudden Taylor Swift hate on my dash is due to a new Taylor Swift album being out and seeing that I'm a casual Swift fan (I do not identify as a Swiftie) I think perhaps I should listen and report my findings so I'm gonna have it on while I get ready for class today. Which is fitting because I'm going to poetry class so seeing as I am technically a tortured poet supposedly this album is meant to speak to me so *mario voice* Here we go!

[tipofthemountain]

no one asked but i’m going to list my top 5s from every taylor swift album because if you’ve read my story’s you know i’m a fan of hers! (this is so long i just wanna talk about it…)

Starting with her debut (still waiting for re-release HELLO!!???) album it holds a special place in my heart for so many reasons but one being that i sung Our Song IN FRONT OF MY ENTIRE SCHOOL FOR A TALENT SHOW with a friend(at that time). This was probably when i was in i think 3rd or 4th grade so i was like 9-10ish. I don’t think we took home awards but we had fun and that’s all that matters to me!

For debut:

1: Our Song

2: The Outside

3: Picture to Burn

4: Teardrops on My Guitar

5: I’m Only Me When I’m With You

Fearless (Taylor’s Version) is probably my least favorite ts album (IM SORRY!) just because i never connected with it in any special way. obviously its still an iconic album, i just don’t care much for it! the only song i ever connected with was Fifteen in the most depressing way possible…

For Fearless tv:

1. Fifteen

2. White Horse

3: Mr. Perfectly Fine

4. Bye Bye Baby

5: The Way I Loved You

Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) is my 3rd favorite album of hers. I UNFORTUNATELY relate to way to many songs on this album… it’s genuinely sad. It’s a great album to cry and shake your ass too! The only thing i don’t like about this album is the vault tracks…( IM SORRY AGAIN PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!)

For Speak Now tv

1: The Story Of Us

2: Haunted

3: Better Than Revenge

4: Mean

5: Never Grow Up

Red (Taylor’s Version) is in my top 5!Its such a good fucking album. If I could I would tattoo every lyric from every song onto my body. She literally changed the way people feel about turning 22 instead of 21… an iconic album forever!

For Red:

1: Treacherous

2: I Bet You Think About Me

3: Stay Stay Stay

4: All To Well (10 minute version)

5: Sad Beautiful Tragic

1989 (Taylor’s Version) IS MY FAVORITE ALBUM EVER! Nothing will ever top debut pop Taylor ever. Being a directioner during this release and then being a harrie during the re-release was an absolute mind boggling experience… 10/10 album forever my favorite.

For 1989 Tv:

1: “Slut!”

2: Wonderland

3: Wildest Dreams

4: Clean

5: Style

Reputation (also waiting for the re-release… quit teasing us Taylor!!!) is also one of my favorites! It’s a love album disguised as a revenge album. Also it’s peak pop Taylor too. It deserved a grammy and I will forever feel like she was robbed of that.

For Reputation:

1: Don’t Blame Me

2: So It Goes…

3: Getaway Car

4: Dress

5: This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Lover is so crazy to be right after reputation (I know how she feels about these songs now!) but I love Taylor in love. She writes such beautiful love songs that you either cry too or have sex too.

For Lover:

1: False God

2: All The Girls You’ve Loved Before

3: Death By A Thousand Cuts

4: Daylight

5: The Archer

FIRST OF ALL.. folklore being right after lover does NOT feel right what’s so ever in any universe will it ever feel right. I love when she tells silly story’s and and mixes her real life into it!

For Folklore:

1: mirrorball

2: this is me trying

3: mad woman

4: peace

5: the lakes

evermore IS MY SECOND FAVORITE!! Literally I love it more than folklore (even though Taylor doesn’t…) It’s soooo fucking beautiful start to finish. I listen to it on repeat constantly!

For evermore:

1: no body, no crime

2: cowboy like me

3: gold rush

4: dorthea

5: happiness

Midnights and I have a complicated relationship… because I go months without listening to any song from it and when I do listen to it again… I can’t help but love it. I honestly hate how much i relate to way to many of Taylor’s songs…

For Midnights:

1: Vigilante Shit

2: Maroon

3: Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve

4: Snow On The Beach (Ft. More Lana Del Ray)

5: You’re On Your Own, Kid

and we’ve reached the end with The Tortured Poets Department… don’t get me wrong I like album a lot, just some of the songs don’t hit like I thought they would. It’s a good album but (and this is purely my opinion!) but she has made better albums.

For TTPD:

1: My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

2: Fresh Out The Slammer

3: Florida!!! (Ft. Florence + the Machine)

4: So Highschool

5: thanK you aIMee

of your still here… thanks <3. I know some people are gonna yell at me but honestly if i don’t care! I love Taylor’s music. I admire her as a songwriter and as a singer. Also I could care less who the fucking songs are about… she just makes good songs.

also if your a follower… a story should be up soon!! 💋

[jewishrizahawkeye]

hello fellow members of the tortured poets department.

today i enter into evidence my boy only breaks his favorite toys and analyze it. i’m most excited for this one as i think the running metaphor is a great one and love the details ive already seen. it’s also one of my favorite songs on the album so this was move exciting for me.

previous days: fortnight, THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT

this song is probably one of my favorites as it uses a toy metaphor for taylor. she’s already made references to youth and toys with her relationships in the past, notably on lover with inthaf being about regrowing again as a person with her muse. also on cruel summer she refers to the object of her longing as a “bad bad boy, shiny toy with a price, you know that i bought it”. with that line implying many things about that relationship and taylor letting it be something less than what she wants it to be to be with him, i also like to think about the line with the price being fame and her buying it so now she can’t have him.

BUT in this song taylor is referring to herself as the toy!! i love this metaphor for her as with her talking about not seeing herself as human and having constant metaphors about being bought and sold (dorothea) or being picked but only to suffer instead (daylight and clara bow). so her being a toy fit this metaphor, especially with how she’s been recently with eras tour AND leading up to the tour. she was everywhere and was THE hot item. and going back to 2016 being seen with you on her arm meant you were hot shit. so taylor saying “the sickest army doll, purchased at the mall/rivulets descend my plastic smile” hits you like a gut punch because even at her lowest moment ever she was still marketable and family friendly to sell. her sadness can be turned into songs or magazine titles or anything really as long as it makes money for everyone AND it references you’re losing me and could be her at the end of the relationship, having fought for years and was now battered and bruised and heartbroken. BUT if that’s how she was referring to herself back in 2016 where she was fighting for her life trying to make anything work but was chewed up and spat back out, with the added detail of her plastic smile being how taylor says she smiles in her sleep because it’s so natural to her (as we saw in the lwymmd video) it shows that she wasn’t real and was just there for others enjoyment in either playing or destroying her. and with the following line being “cause you should’ve seen me when he first saw me” not only referencing how taylor kept going back to the beginning of the relationship to justify staying so long BUT also saying “i was so worse then so it doesn’t matter how he plays with me.”

but with either affect this song has such BEAUTIFUL imagery. taylor describing him building castles for her doll self to play in only for him to destroy them (building up her expectations of their future but backing out and changing his mind so she never knew if they were in the same page of their future) or them being puzzle pieces that fit together perfect and made a beautiful picture only for him to break it. AND her saying that when you pull her string one of her automatic responses is “he runs because he loves me” which references several songs:

new romantics with “please take my hand and please leave me stranded”

you’re losing me with “now your running down the hallway/don’t you know what they all say/don’t know what you got until it’s gone” (which means that he would constantly put her back in the shelf but come running back to her again and again)

down bad with “how dare you leave me safe and stranded”. so with this automatic response saying he runs (away or toward her) because he loves her is because it’s so deeply ingrained into her from all her relationships and what he kept doing to her. she didn’t think anything was wrong because that’s what was always right.

i specifically love the outro and NEED to discuss it. just, her saying she was willing to stay with him for so long because he actually PLAYED WITH HER. and not just in a “he played with my feelings” but that he actually used her how she was designed. he loved her, built the idea of a future with her, and stole her heart and broke it! and that was more than any other person. because she actually meant something to him. and that thought was enough to keep her going until it wasn’t…

other line parallels i didn’t how to fit in but loved:

“maybe your electric touch could bring this ghost town to life”//“inescapable. not even going to try. and if i get burned? atleastwewereelectrified.”//“‘cause i knew to much, there was danger in the heat of my touch”

“and when i break, it's in a million pieces”//“stole my tortured heart/left all these broken parts”//“breaking down, I hit the floor/all the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting, "more!"

“what a charming saturday/that's when she sees the littlest leaks/down in the floorboards/and she just knows she must bolt”//“i used to switch out these kens, I'd just ghost//rip the band-aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw”//“i felt more when we played pretend/than with all the kens/'cause he took me out of my box” (AND THIS ONE I LOVE SO MUCH because we all called taylor out being like “hey girl, we know it wasn’t” and this is her saying “THIS IS WHY IT FEELS DIFFERENT!”)

[otomelavenderhaze]

Ahhhh I just love how this album keeps growing on everyone lol

It might be because I got used to Fortnight being the single pretty quickly, but compared to ttpd, it has a beat that probably works best for a music video. Then again 'begin again' got a video so perhaps I'm just biased by what I already know(?)

Agreed! I listened to the album with a friend and we heard bits of old songs in them and got to the conclusion that Taylor's gonna have so much fun doing mash-ups on tour hahah

And you got me to agree again about if we ever get something similar to the long pond sessions!! I would DIE DEAD

Anyway, it was so nice to talk about Taylor with someone! Have a nice day hon! 🤍

Not in everyone. Because it's a different album and because people cannot fandom that an album called The Tortured Poets Department isn't the beacon of modern and deep poetry, they're losing their minds.

Like, sure, Folkore and Evermore have more writing quality, they feel in their own right as really poetry and narrative driven albums and even without it, at least, they captured a very specific moment in human life a moment that doesn't come often in our story. Just for that I feel like those albums are masterpiece. They capture isolation, escapism, dreams, broken plans and introspection really well - and it all got even bigger when listen during a world wide pandemic.

I was never the type of person to just go out and appreciate the day. I live in a big city when the closest park to me is like a huge pod with a small piece of greenery around, there's sure something beautiful about it, but I never went there on my own. However, when everything shut down during the pandemic, I immediately got immersed into Stardew Valley and other games that bring me a sense of open natural places, with green and blue, and nature.

Folkore and Evermore have a lot of that but in music form, how melancholy and slow and introspective most of the songs are, and it was what I needed at that time to just not let all the despair settle in.

That's when music shows it's value, when we feel less lonely or understood even if for a slip of second, and honestly, it's easy to find in many artists, but it's so shitty seeing people missing that point, y'know??

Maybe Taylor Swift isn't a tortured poet, maybe she's just someone who feels things deeply, who's deeply insecure, who's weak and a people pleaser, however, it's not about taking it seriously or in the most truthful of the word you can be, it's all art, it's all show, it's all about presenting a narrative and, brodosvisky, don't we all do that in our daily basis?? Don't we all perform and exaggerate and feel raw and unseen???

That's why in a deep level people can connect with Taylor's songs, even in an album that isn't necessarily our favorite.

I do hope she sings the new songs in the acoustic and surprise song of the eras tour, the mash-up are my new favorite thing to listen to. In the end we all love our acoustic songs. We all basic like that and aight nothing wrong about it. Like acoustic songs are almost cultural to me cuz I grew up with my parents listening to MPB (POP brazilian music but not really pop like North American music). So much so that I used to have an acoustic guittar myself. I did classes and everything but I was never really good about or even capable of playing a whole song perfectly.

It is so nice to talk to someone about Taylor!!! It's fun too!! Your asks were a big reason to why I went back and properly listen to the album too, I am glad I gave it another chance. Bye!!! Have a good day!!! And see ya. Thank you so much about the asks!!