#Art that is way funnier and better looking then mine

[literary-motif]

VI. Vengeance Is Mine, I Will Repay

In which the past resurfaces. ~3,600 words

Warnings: smoking, talk of suicide, memory manipulation

Overview // V. Les Aubes Sont Navrantes

Xanthus came looking for you. You heard his measured footsteps. He appeared beside you a moment later. “I apologize for the intrusion on behalf of my acquaintance. If I had known his plan to visit—”

Your gaze did not waver from the lake, the deep blue seeming silver in the morning sun. You waved a hand to disperse his concerns and offered him a cigarette. He glanced at you, taking out one and leaning towards the flame of the match you struck. 

You smoked in silence. 

“My mind has been wandering,” you confessed, avoiding his gaze. 

The morning light could make the most vulgar things beautiful. The ripples danced across the water. The birds chirped, and the sun shone. 

The scenery was beautiful. You had nearly completed a portrait — a beautiful work of art, truthfully — but despite the wonder all around, you could not shake the dissatisfaction clinging to you. 

Happiness never lasted. It was gone in an instant, like the flap of wings from a butterfly — or the anger of death. 

Happiness dispersed like a fickle, futile thing — and in the peaceful calmness of the morning sun, the thought occurred to you that you could never be happy. You had never looked for happiness. It was the fate of all great artists.

All is as thinking makes it so, and you were trapped in your discontent — in London, in Paris. It did not matter. It was not the scenery that created your dissatisfaction, it was you. 

You always looked for beautiful things in your art, trying to capture their soul and essence, trying to preserve the futile happiness they brought you in vain like a small flame threatening to blow out in a raging storm. 

It never lasted. Even your art was not enough to make you happy. 

You took a deep breath, gathering your courage. “I was wandering about yesterday,” you began. 

Xanthus grinned, hiding it by taking another drag of his cigarette. He did not tell you that he heard. He did not tell you that he knew exactly where you had been. 

“Why are some rooms in the south wing locked?” 

“I do not need the space, so I keep them secure and clean,” he said. He was waiting, daring you to ask about one room he knew for a fact had been unlocked. 

You nodded, a shudder running down your back at his dark glance. You could see him looking at you expectantly. The tower flashed before your eyes, the little piece of fabric at the edge of the roof.

You still felt the phantom sensation of Mr. Fint’s vice grip on your shoulders — What are you doing? — and his terrified look, searching your gaze and janking you away from the edge. Afraid. Were you bitten?

You could not bring yourself to utter the question.

Xanthus chuckled at your hesitation, taking another drag of his cigarette before letting it fall to the ground and pulling out a new one. He was amused but tired of this game. 

Dontis' arrival had broken the spell he had cast. Once the first compulsion slipped past his lips, the invisible line he had drawn for himself had been crossed. There was no point in holding back now. He yanked on the rope he had slowly tightened around your neck for his amusement.

Turning to you, he looked into your eyes. 

There was something about you he could not place. There was a haunted air about you, too, and although he had wanted you to reveal it in your own time — it was funnier that way — now his curiosity had gotten the better of him, and he did not want to let you go before finishing this story. 

“Trust me enough,” he said, smirking at the implications of his words, “to reveal your darkest secret to me.” 

Wordlessly, you pulled out the piece of paper in your pocket. 

Xanthus took it, raising his eyebrow. That was not the answer he had expected. He folded it open in curiosity.

A year into your stay in Paris, a letter had reached you. It was him begging you for help. 

‘My dear friend,’ it read, ‘I ask you to forgive me sincerely. My words were rash and not thought out properly. I hope you have it in yourself to forgive me for what I spat at you that day you came to say goodbye. 

‘A lot has happened since then. My mother has passed away from cholera. One of my little sisters is sick and cannot work. Believe me, I would not be so bold to write to you if I were not truly desperate, especially after what I said — after I threw your affections back at you — but I am on my last tether. My father has drowned us in debt, one so large that I cannot fathom ever being able to repay it. But it is a fickle sum to you. 

‘I ask you for help. I beg you. If you were still in London, I would fall to my knees before you. If I had the means to travel to Paris, I would do so by throwing myself at your feet. I beg you, help me. If your affections for me were real — if you truly love me as you claimed that day, please save me. I have reconsidered your offer. I will travel with you if you still wish it. If not, if you continue to resent me for what I said, I promise you will never hear from me again. Anything. Allow me to ask you for this last favor, please. I will do anything if you rescue me now. I need you.’

Xanthus frowned, lowering the letter and looking in confusion at the tears in your eyes. 

“I didn’t,” you choked, burying your face in your hands as your shoulders shook with sobs you had only allowed yourself to release in secret when the past inevitably caught up with you. “I left him to rot, comfortable with my life in Paris, comfortable with my paintings. I never wanted to return. I wanted to kill the past and leave it to fend for itself in London while I drowned in art and beauty and decadence and hedonism” — you gasped, chest burning from your confession —“the only reality I faced was buried in my delusions of romanticism.”

You shook your head, tears rolling down your cheeks as the disgust at what you had done washed over you. It made you sick to your stomach. The animosity would be reflected in Xanthus’ eyes you were sure, but you did not dare to look at him as you continued, biting out the words as if compelled.

“His sisters died,” you said. “Both of them. He hung himself after that. There was no hope for him, no reason to continue when everyone he had lived for was gone. I could have— I didn’t. It is my deepest regret,” you breathed shakily, choking on a sob. “I killed the person I said I loved. I took a life!”

Xanthus looked at you. You did not hold his unreadable gaze, ducking your head in shame. In an instant of clarity, your eyes widened at what you had told him, and you placed a hand over your mouth in horror. 

“Look at me,” he said. You raised your head hesitatingly. 

Xanthus dropped his cigarette, taking a step until he stood directly in front of you. He cupped your cheeks and kissed you fiercely. 

You gave a noise of surprise but melted into his warm palms, tilting your head a little to allow him to deepen the kiss. He pulled away.

“I love you,” he professed with fire burning in his eyes. You saw a passion so destructive it made you want to back away. Your heart skipped a beat. He smirked at your shock, turning his head to look towards the estate. “We are the same, you and I,” he said, gazing at the steeple. 

“What— What do you mean?” you asked, voice trembling. The roof flashed before your eyes, the white fabric fluttering on its edge. It could not be—!

Xanthus chuckled. “I think you know,” he said.

“You?” you gasped, “but how did— what— you killed them?” 

“No,” Xanthus said, brushing invisible dust from the sleeves of his expensive black coat. 

You searched his gaze, trying to find answers to the myriad of questions shooting through your mind.

He smirked. “Technically, he killed himself,” he purred. “I just told him to.”

You took a step back in fear, too shocked to run. Understanding dawned on you — Mr. Fint’s iron grip, the panic in his eyes when he found you at the top, looking down.

“Why—” you breathed. Your head was spinning, and your legs felt like jelly. You feared you were going to pass out.“How—?”

“Him specifically” — Xanthus pretended not to hear you as he pointed towards the tower and the fabric fluttering in the wind — “he begged me to let him in as he stumbled across my land in search of sanctuary from a storm. I answered his cries, toyed with him a little, and feasted on him. He was grateful, and when he asked how he could repay me, well,” he grinned, flashing his white teeth, “I told him to jump.” 

“How—?”

“Compulsion.”

“What?”

“I am a vampire,” he said drily before shaking his head with a sigh. “You should not know about that, I fear.” 

You backed away slowly, nearly tripping over your feet as panic clouded your mind. Rosaria’s concerned glances at your neck, the picture of Lawrance, your dazed state after the evening in the study— Had he drunk from you? What had he done with his power to compel you? 

The last few days had passed in a daze. How many of your memories were real? What had he done to you? 

He was capable of anything. 

Xanthus laughed quietly. “I can hear your heart thundering in your chest, you know,” he said. “It is rather amusing, but anyway. Forget the last part. You just told me about your stay in Paris.”

You blinked, finding Xanthus staring at you expectantly. You chuckled nervously, only vaguely remembering telling him something about your time abroad. 

“Pardon, I lost my train of thought,” you said, taking the cigarette he offered you with shaking fingers. Your heart was beating almost painfully hard in your chest, and you took a few steadying breaths, trying to recall what had made you so anxious.

“That is quite alright,” he said, lighting your cigarette. “You were telling me about” — he paused — “impressionism, I believe.”

“Yes, it is popular in Paris,” you said, clearing your throat and hiding that you remembered absolutely nothing of the conversation by taking a drag. “How do you like it?”

“I do not,” he answered, leading you back towards the mansion. “I agree with Lady Bingley on how the technique is merely ‘shaky brushstrokes.’”

You laughed, shaking your head at the slander of art. 

When you stepped inside, Dontis was still lounging on the settee, nestled in the soft pillows. “Pardon me,” he said, sitting up when you entered the room and fixing his appearance. 

Xanthus shot him a dark look, jerking his head towards the door curtly. 

Dontis inclined his head, understanding. “I apologize for taking my leave of you so soon,” he said, leaping to his feet,“ but I have an engagement in a nearby town. A meeting for lunch” — he glanced pointedly at Xanthus — “It was a pleasure to see you again and an honor to meet you.” He finished, taking one of your hands and pressing his lips to the back of it. 

“Likewise,” you said, trying not to get embarrassed.

“Good day,” Xanthus said, resuming his pose in the armchair. 

You smiled at Dontis, picking up the brush. He looked sad, almost pitiful as his gaze softened when he looked at you. “Goodbye,” he said with heavy finality.

The portrait was completed. Your eyes still roamed it in search of imperfections. There were none, but you were not satisfied. 

Xanthus had broken his pose long ago, and after finishing his third cup of tea, he appeared behind you to figure out what was causing the deepening frown on your face. He tilted his head, looking at the painting. “It is beautiful,” he said, genuinely impressed.

You hummed, lowering the paintbrush that had hovered over the canvas for a few minutes now. “Are you happy with it?” you asked, looking over your shoulders to find his ruby eyes wide, mesmerized by his painted image.

“I am more than satisfied,” he said, gaze falling to you in wonder. Was this how you saw him? 

The atmosphere was divine, dark but ethereal. He looked content, poetic, and artistic in his displeasure. He was satisfied in his misery — in the torrent storm of life. The portrait revealed a darkness you knew all too well.

Something within Xanthus snapped then. He did not care about subtlety anymore. This game he was playing seemed useless now. He had lost his patience in manipulating you. Now, he wanted to take and taste to still his desire. He wanted to indulge and douse himself in you until his thirst was quenched. 

There was no point to his illusions now. The chase was finished. The thrill was gone — he could simply make you forget again.

He put his hands on your shoulders, spinning you around. Your back hit the bookcase harshly. You yelped in surprise, startled at the sudden movement. Xanthus paid you no mind, licking his lips. The faint smell of fear hit him, and his mouth watered in anticipation. 

You looked at him with wide eyes, heart picking up at how close he was, towering over you as you shrunk away. “Xanthus?” you asked breathily. 

He looked at you and did not say a word as he lunged forward, sinking his teeth into your neck like a man starved. You gave a startled yell as fear shot through you, quickly turning into a low whine as your eyes rolled back in bliss. 

It felt good. A fuzzy feeling settled deep inside your chest and clouded your mind as you lost yourself to it. You melted against Xanthus, relying on him to keep you upright. 

He held onto you securely, making sure you did not sink to the ground as he drank, feasting on you and groaning softly as your warm blood filled his mouth. 

The gentle warmth began to burn as your head spun. You could no longer make sense of the world. It was pure instinct that made you place your hands on his chest, pushing against him with your feeble strength to get him to back off. 

Xanthus was indulging more than he should, he knew. There was no point in stopping. He would reward himself with this. He would take until he was satiated. He would take until he was satisfied.

Your whines of pleasure grew weaker as your breath came in short huffs. Fighting the darkness at the edge of your vision, you felt your tongue heavy in your mouth. You could not utter a word. The only sound escaping you was a delusional, choked-off whimper.

Distantly, you thought you were going to die. Whatever was happening — whatever Xanthus was doing — brought you to the edge of your endurance. He was steadily pushing you towards the deep end, dangling you above the edge of a cliff. 

You stared into the valley below, waiting for the fall, waiting for the feeling of air rushing, choking you as your stomach dropped. Any moment, he would let go of you. Any moment, you would plummet towards hell.

He collects souls. The words echoed in your ears as you felt how he drained you. He was stripping something away that might very well be your soul. He was taking your life. He was leaving you hollow. 

There was nothing you could do — your thoughts too sluggish to fully comprehend what was happening, and your body too weak to instinctively defend yourself. 

You leaned against him, feeling weightless in the short limbo between jump and fall. You were looking at the ground beneath you, seeing the length you would drop, feeling gravity pull you downwards. You would crash. You would die.

Xanthus released you with a pop and a low groan, licking his lips languidly. He took hold of your lulling head, forcing you to look into his eyes. They were a rich red, gleaming with rare satisfaction. 

“I said my goodbyes. I took my leave of you for an important engagement and could not see you off personally.”

You were barely holding onto consciousness as he muttered the words. 

The last thing you saw were the sharp teeth in his pale face, the white tainted red. He looked like the creature from your nightmares. He looked like the thing you had feared in the dark, watching you in the empty hallway, crawling up the walls. 

He was the demon of the estate, you thought, falling into unconsciousness. 

“Forget the last few minutes.”

Xanthus moved you to the settee, letting you fall onto it carefully. His gaze flickered from your unconscious body to the portrait you had painted. 

Vita brevis, ars longa.

Fading human life. It was so fickle, barely relevant in the grand scheme of things. What were you to him? You would be dead in a century, probably less. You were irrelevant. 

At the height of his emotional affections, there always came the inevitable crash.

The connection with you was a mere whim, and he rolled his eyes at the irrationality of emotion and his lapse in judgment. I love you. What was he thinking? He was above such things. You were nothing but a speck of dust. He could crush you if he wanted to. Looking at you sprawled out defenselessly, he very nearly did. 

Sighing, he tucked in his cravat and adjusted his collar, leaning down to run his fingers softly through your hair. 

Still, he allowed himself to feel this momentary surge of affection, closing his eyes and savoring the taste of care and something akin to love rushing through him as he heard your gentle breathing, listening closely to your elevated heartbeat. 

In an instant, his affections ceased. 

He opened his eyes. Straightening, he looked down at you — your fragile body, your little speck of life. There was nothing of interest to him within you anymore. 

The game was done. 

Retrieving a paper, he wrote you a check and placed it in your pocket. After that, he left. His business with you was completed.

You awoke to a hand on your shoulder, shaking you gently. Opening your eyes, you saw Mr. Fint leaning over you, smiling softly as your gaze settled on him. 

“I have prepared the carriage,” he whispered. You were thankful, touching a hand to your forehead at the sharp pain in your head. “You can continue sleeping there. Come on, let’s get you home.”

“I have to—” you slurred, sitting up and swaying. 

He steadied you, wrapping one arm around your back and lifting yours to rest on his shoulder. He helped you stand, guiding you through the corridor and to the front of the mansion.

“Your luggage is already stored,” he continued, keeping his voice light. “Every paintbrush is packed. No need to worry.” 

The carriage was already prepared, waiting for you. 

He helped you in, setting you against pillows that had not been there before. He pointed towards a small basket on the opposite cushions. “There is some food if you should like to eat. Water as well. Rosaria was adamant about including some garlic flowers,” he chuckled, guiding your head to rest against the pillows. “They never help, but she persists. Rest well.”

You were half-delirious when the carriage set into motion, raising your head to look out of the window and watch numbly as the mansion faded from view. The small cottage at the edge of the property came closer, and you saw Rosaria standing on the front porch, looking at the carriage. She stared solemnly, her gaze fixed on you as she crossed herself. 

You lowered your head again, sinking into the pillows as you succumbed to your exhaustion and the pounding pain of your headache.

The jostling of the carriage on the uneven road tore you from peaceful slumber a few times on the way back to London. During one such instance, you tiredly shifted on the cushion, trying to get comfortable as you felt something poking your rib. Reaching inside your pocket, you pulled out an unfamiliar piece of paper. 

Your eyes widened when you saw the sum on the check, immediately remembering how wealthy Lord Claiborne was. You felt compelled to thank him for his generosity. It was a shame he had not been able to see you off himself, although you were relieved that he had not found you blacked out in his drawing room. 

What had come over you?

You frowned, hissing at the pain in your head and closing your eyes again. You stored the valuable paper and rolled to your side to give in to the pull of sleep. 

At the edge of consciousness, a thought occurred to you. It made you frown. You did not remember thanking him for paying you, nor even receiving the check. 

It had been in the same pocket you kept the letter.

You never would have stored it there. 

Annotations // VII. Even In Excess Of Misery

[justcyrinne]

There are a few people in my life that have helped me get to where I am now. One of those is my college classmate Ivan.

Ivan and I were both transferees when we first met. We shared almost the same schedule since we were kinda irregular freshmen but I believe mine was more hectic because I had to take all the units that I need for me to have regular schedule the following term. He told me that nursing wasn’t really his choice but that’s what his mom wanted him to take. He transferred to our university because he failed a major subject in his former university.

I first saw him when we were in a queue outside the college dean’s office. He asked me if I was also a new student since I was not wearing the lecture uniform. After that encounter, I felt a great relief when I saw him on the first day of chemistry class as he was the only familiar face inside the room. I waved hello at him when he looked my way; he was sitting at the front row while I settled at the back because I was too anxious to sit near the board. I can’t recall how and why I ended up sitting at the 2nd row next to him the next chemistry class and that was our seat plan for the entire term.

Ivan was smart and witty. I found that out because we would hang out after and in between classes with some of our classmates. The boys call him majinbo because he’s chinito and chubby with pink cheeks. They’d make fun of him and he’ll just laugh along or spit something funnier at them.

He was my savior every quiz in chemistry class. I am not proud to say this right now hahaha! I would copy his answers all the time except on major exams. One time, he told me that I’d never learn chemistry if I kept on copying his answers and assignments so I better study for real. LOL. He tried to “tutor” me a few times before giving me his assignments but my brain just didn’t find chemistry that interesting so everything he taught me never stayed in my brain LOL. With puppy eyes I’d still beg for answers each quiz.

Had it not been for his kindness, I wouldn’t have passed biochemistry. And had I failed that subject, I wouldn’t have graduated on time. AND had I not graduated on time, I’m pretty sure I would have fallen into a deep depression. At the end of the semester, he told me that he’s shifting major. I think he was going to study computer science the next semester.

I can still recall the last time we hanged out. We were eating iced candy and walking towards the school back gate and I didn’t realize that it was our last moment together. We were talking about something and then he asked me “kinsa diay imo first friend diri?” I thought it was weird why that question all of a sudden but I responded anyway. “Si June…” She was also a transferee and I met her a day before I met Ivan. He just said “Ahhh…” and then silence. We were still walking. To end the awkward silence, I asked him the same question. “Ikaw diay, kinsa imo first friend diri?” “Ikaw ako first friend diri.” And all I could say at that moment was “Aahhh okay…”

The sun was setting down and the sky was in diluted Tang orange juice that afternoon when I watched him walk towards the back gate. I waved goodbye as he made a turn outside the gate. I walked back to the front gate thinking how awkward that moment was. The following semester, I saw him down the hall at the college of arts and sciences building, where we had most of our minor subjects, wearing a CAS uniform. I don’t think he saw me that day. I remember feeling happy that he finally switched major and at the same time kinda jealous because he had the freedom to choose the major that he wanted.

I regret not taking a chance to thank him for all help before I graduated. I seldom see him around since we no longer had the same subjects. I knew that they were still hanging out with my guy friends but I never made an effort to say thank you.

Cut to 2019. I saw him cross the street towards the building where I work at that time. My heart skipped a beat and I wanted to call him but I was too shy to do that and anxious at the same time that he might ignore me. This was 12-ish years after I waved goodbye that one afternoon. I see him all the time while I was still working in that building but I was too nervous to talk to him first. And then the pandemic began.

I still think of him from time to time with a grateful heart for all the help during our chemistry class. And I am still in awe how we were never caught and how nobody snitched. I wonder if I’d still have a chance in the future to hug and thank him for being so kind and generous.

PS

Cheating, in all forms and ways, is not good. Please don’t cheat huhu! Also, please don’t tell on us hahahaha basin bawion among grades hihi!

[sunekichi]

As someone who mostly grew up with the 2005 series and only watched the movies and a few early episodes from the '79 series, what specifically makes the new series so much worse in terms of art or writing (it seems to be general consensus that the '79 series is much better).

i don’t know if it’s the general consensus but it’s what i always say. however, when i claim that, i’m usually referring to the episodes from the 80s, 90s and early 2000s, not the first episodes that aired in 1979 and 1980. in my opinion, ōyama doraemon is better than the 2005 series for the following reasons:

the art style; i personally think the one they used in the 90s and early 2000s was way better than the new one, which looks cheap in comparison (despite looking more like the manga but i really don’t care).

the nostalgia; you said you didn’t but i grew up with ōyama doraemon (which aired between 2003 and 2013 in italy, and i was born in 2005) and maybe this played a role in why i prefer this version, and the same thing probably happened to others as well. doraemon was a big part of my childhood and i remember quitting watching it as soon as they started airing the new one.

the retro vibes; i love the 80s and 90s vibes from ōyama doraemon. i can’t claim it as “nostalgic”, as that’s my parents’ childhood and not mine, but rather “interesting” for those who are into retro stuff. technology also wasn’t as developed as it is nowadays, so it’s fun to see what people from the 20th century thought 22nd century technology will be like. now we got artificial intelligence, so many gadgets aren’t as impressive to us as they were to someone who watched doraemon 30 years ago. first example that comes to mind is the episode where nobita wants to write a love letter to shizuka and uses a pen who does it for him.

the writing; the 2005 series sometimes feels like a parody of the 1979 one. the old series is funnier and has also more emotional moments i think, while the new one feels blander overall, to me.

[chemicalbrew]

choose violence ask game 6 bc we both know where this is headed (cough all of them cough)

YEAH YEAH YEAH YIPPEE [immediately turns reblogs off]

6. which ship fans are the most annoying? [interpreting as romantic ship]

so. let's start with what we both know

Katana ZERO

As I said in DMs earlier, I think the only worthwhile KZ ship is Zero x the receptionist (preferably one-sided, but I think someone really smart could make it mutual. I certainly wouldn't be mad if it was confirmed mutual in canon, but I seriously doubt it - one-sided is way funnier, anyway.). I also kind of sort of in theory respect the hustle of people trying to write V and Snow (rarepairs... been there), but I think I could never see it that way; what we have in game of them is barely good enough for anything, which is what makes it hilarious. That said, the most annoying shit here is, as we know...

150 150 150 150 150 !!!!!!

Even their stupid ship name cracks me up. Like, I understand, you can't have a good portmanteau or anything when your ship has numbers, but half the ship is literally Zero (hehe another reason Zerocep[tionist] wins), however... the way you read it is not even conducive to a shipping read. One fifty? One hundred and fifty? Even the number doesn't want them together <3

There was a post somewhere in my KZ tag that actually puts my feelings better than I myself can, but I'll try anyway. Due to the way this game's plot\timeline is framed, all their past interaction is basically implied. They don't really get to exchange any words, no matter how awkward (compare this to the receptionist having the tiniest of character arcs, but still an arc, between the hotel and bunker stages) - Fifteen just shows up, confirms he's the real Dragon, kills the shit out of V, and leaves, and that right there is the closest we get to an interaction (surely you won't say Zero walking in on a conversation later counts?).

How the fuck can you wrangle a ship out of that?

'But muh implications' that's all they are, implications. Not a very fertile ground to build upon. And even then, what they imply is far more like camaraderie than anything, which, while a solid and even necessary (in real life, at least) foundation for a relationship, doesn't MEAN it has to be romantic!! Give me traumatized war buddies that aren't making out with each other, pleeeeeeease...

'But you're reblogging art with them together' YEAH BECAUSE THEY LOOK HANDSOME TOGETHER AND THEIR DESIGNS ARE PERFECTLY COMPLEMENTARY. THAT'S THE ONLY REASON. I'M LITERALLY OBSESSED WITH HOW WELL THEY MATCH IN THIS ASPECT. This is why they should just be fighting together and nothing else <3

Xenoblade (gonna try and be a bit more rapid-fire about the rest of this post, unless the wrathful mood strikes me again)

Shulk and Fiora do not make sense romantically at all to me. They're family, ffs. Same for Shulk and Reyn, if not doubly same. But the fans keep insisting otherwise and often. (Libra, if you're reading this, this doesn't apply to you or other friends of mine that like Shiora. You're the only ones I trust with these two, I just want no part of it myself)

Shulk and Alvis are amazing, but need to be viewed through a lens more complex than typical shipping to be fully appreciated (something I'm still somewhat guilty of and recovering from. Jesus, wider XB1 fandom can be the worst sometimes).

Shulk and Melia as a ship by itself does not offend me, but the fans that weep about how Melia never had any good shit happen to her, and say Shulk not returning her feelings makes it worse... can die in a fire :)

I don't understand how people can take Reyn and Sharla seriously together tbh... but I guess it's more acceptable than the stuff above?

Rex and Nia (on their own, without Aegis in picture) never needed to be anything more than friends. The way Nia gets over being ''''friendzoned''' (hate that word) canonically is better than anything fans have come up with regarding this matter.

Lora and Jin have barely been interpreted by anyone in the wider fandom correctly (that I know of - key word 'barely'). Just stop at this point <3

...I won't be talking about XB3 ships because I heavily dislike XB3 and haven't read anything shippy for it, not even for NoahMio.

PS. Morag and Zeke should get more attention (personally I'm still guilty of somewhat ignoring this as a ship, but if I ever replay\rewatch, I'll be sure to analyze their interactions more, especially bc they're fun no matter how you look)

misc.

I have seen people interpret Ares and Dela (Brandish series) as a romantic ship, and I'd like to see just how much their brain has rotted.

Olivier and Mueller (Trails in the Sky) are very fun as a ship! I'd just like to see people view their relationship through a more neutral lens sometimes. However, the fact that Estelle x Kevin fics exist is the real mind-bender here. HOW? It's called being playful and keeping up a front!! (Also, Estelle x Anelace is slept on the same way as Zerocep and Moragzeke <333)

Frog x Magus and Lucca x Magus (Chrono Trigger) make equally little sense, and yet seem to be popular. Ew. Not even mentioning my personal beef with Frog x Lucca. Don't.

Midna x Link and Malon x Link (Zelda series) were actually my first NOTPs, largely because of annoying fans. I see now I was in the wrong and am largely 'thog dont caaare' about it, but still, important.

Ace Attorney series... tbh its fandom is weird about ships as a whole, but I'm guilty of falling into the Blackmadhi trap, so I can't speak. Almost everything other than Blackmadhi, though, is a tough sell largely bc of fandom.

Any ship involving Stocke from Radiant Historia has to be included in here. I am by and large respectful of most popular stuff with him (especially Stocke x Rosch and the Stocke x Sonja x Rosch OT3), I just think it's more fun to have him not into any of it. Very similar situation to Zero KZ, honestly.

[oifaaa]

Aren't you popular? Your art is really good and ive seen it on, like, pinterest and whatnot as well. I was under the impression that you were popular

Not really? Like my art really isn't actually that great I'd say at this point it is average, slightly above average at a stretch, and I was actually more popular when I was drawing star wars then now that I'm drawing dc or at least according to how many notes I get my star wars art would get on average about 2k to 5k regularly while with my dc stuff it sits more at 1k to 2.5k with the odd art getting more, also I'm only on tumblr which isn't really considered a popular site anymore (but I still love it here so)

[itstheimpossibledream]

It’s Only A Play -Part 3

Word Count:3244

Pairing : AU Henry Cavill x FemBlack!Reader

Summary: We love a good slow burn. SMUT

The bag crackled in his large hands. You found yourself wondering why he even bothered delicately tearing the wrapping, when he could easily smash both the wrapper and cookie open in one fist. The fortune seemed so small in his hands.He held the paper back a bit further than you would have expected and you realized he was probably one of those people who needed glasses but refused to get them.He cleared his throat again."It says 'The art of living is taking the biggest chance.'"

"In bed." you said quickly

"What?!" his eyebrows flew up in shock but,he laughed to keep from appearing to hopeful.

"It's an American thing. You read a fortune cookie and at the end you add in bed. It makes every fortune cookie funnier, I promise."you said not breaking eye contact. He threw his head back and laughed even harder. It was a childish trick but, something about it tickled him so much he hardly noticed when his hat fell off of his head and onto Kal who had been peacefully sleeping in the slice of floor behind Henry's chair. His baritone chuckles echo through the apartment and you’re amazed that neighbors didn't even cross his mind as a concern in this place.Realistically he probably wasn’t even home enough to get a noise complaint. His laughing had lessened and you could feel him watching you. You knew people who had embarrassingly nice apartments but, nothing like this. This was just lavishly ridiculous.

"It gets lonely being here alone." He said evenly,reading your mind. "Family doesn't visit much and keeping friends with a schedule like mine is just..."

"Not easy ." you finished for him.You could feel his eyes boring into you carving out a space in your heart for him and you try to will yourself to stop. You both sat comfortable on the silence for a while, momentarily mutually mourning the lifestyle you lost to live your dream.

"Okay read yours!" Henry gestured to you cookie. You smashed it to bits,gingerly pulling out the paper fortune. You sat up tall clearing your throat trying to figure out if this fortune would be equally funny or if your childish trick had run it's course.

"You Are very talented in many ways in bed." You say bursting out laughing as he doubled over again.

"Come on! How come I couldn't have gotten that one" he jokes shrugging his shoulders.

" Just wasn't your fortune."you tease winking at him and getting up from the table.Okay so you were flirting with him,definitely flirting with him. But a highschool showmance was so unlike you. You knew the golden rule was to never go for your co-stars and yet here you were winking and shit. Maybe he'd ignore it , he really knew nothing about you outside of your work.

"So what made you like this story? When you got the script when did know you had to do it ?" He had moved from the table, his eyes shown brightly as he recovered his hat from the floor on his way. At the end of dinner you assumed it would be normal to grab your jacket and go back to your room.It's not like he had really planned for you to be over, and you weren't even friends so staying up this late with him to gossip wasn’t exactly in the cards. You had already learned so much more about him than you had expected to. He expertly moved to the kitchen,uncorked a bottle of wine he had chilling in the refrigerator and returned to the couch handing one of the glasses to you. So, now you were staying, I mean it’d be rude to turn down wine.

"Uhhhhh- well I think the relationship is relatable, it's real. It's not about these two perfect people but, it's about this perfect love they have... ya know?" You whirl yourself onto the seat on the couch next to him."To imagine what they were going through as a couple I mean- it must have made everything harder, these characters are from completely different worlds and they still choose each other in their own way. " He nods next to you , this was new. Geeking out with him about work wasn't what you expected but, you were actually enjoying it.

"So let me ask you something?"he pushes leaning in , He wrings his hands together and you’re distracted by the veiny passageways that mark down from his forearms."When do you think it would actually be necessary for them to have a sex scene?"he asks timidly.

"Right!" you exclaim! "I love Stephen but the way he directs it makes it feel so clunky !"you emphasize with your hands and he chuckles saying "Okay I'm so glad you noticed it too- like who has sex like this robots?"

"You know his partners have to be weird." you laugh , noticing how pointy his canines are. God, he looks like one of those twilight vampires, his stupid skin probably did shine in actual sunlight Not that New York would get any though,you acknowledge while making a mental note , not to drink to much of the wine that was clearly causing you to get distracted. You finish your glass and set it on the coffee table.

"Yeah I don't know i just think it's an unconventional love story and we need more of those." you smile , sheepishly meeting his eyes , going back to the topic of the show. His lower lip juts up as he nods,in agreement.

"Soooooo what's next?"you pop up, moving to his kitchen opening random cabinets, trying to find his liquor stash. You come across the empty bottle, of what must have been the wine you just drank and turn to him in the living room with a fake pout. It wasn’t that you were bored, or even that you didn’t want to spend time with him sober ;as much as it was that you desperately needed to cling to the idea that he wasn’t a good man for you.

"O. you can smoke out on the terrace if you want, and I don't have any more drinks here but,I can call down to the frontdesk to run and get you something.” Your eyes rolled so hard they almost fell out of your head.

"Of Course you have a front desk."you chortled to yourself.

"Hey, this is the flat the show is paying to keep me in not my own." he pointed at you in mock sternness

"No I'm okay. I don't smoke and drink all the time " you chided at him,he probably didn't really think that. He was just trying to drum up some conversation.

"and here I thought you were a real New Yorker." he jokes breaking into a toothy grin.

" I'm from a very small town-" you divulged with a sigh"definitely not New York.”

"Yeah- there's not many people from where I grew up around here either." he said plainly , moving to take off his rehearsal sneakers, for what was probably the first time since you had gotten to his place.

"You miss it a lot huh?" you ask

"I mean I go back often but, it's just much nicer to not have camera's up your ass all the time."he huffs, moving to the second set of laces.

"Ahh that good old Hollywood fame." you joke, with a sigh. He just smiles at you, beaming embarrassingly knowing he can never seem to say the right thing around you. For some reason busting his balls was somehow so much better than admitting to a feeling that you were becoming increasingly aware of,you wanted him.

"I'm not like a smoker smoker" you say, slicing through the silence "I picked it up from my ex and it just kinda stuck." you admit with a flippant gesture of your hand." But, only when I'm nervous or something."you felt the need to clarify.

"And why would you be nervous?"He smirked, pushing his shoes under the decoratively simplistic coffee table across from him and sliding down the front of the couch to sit on the floor. His thighs seemed abnormally large as he spread his legs out and started stretching. This time it was your turn to look away from him.You peeled your eyes,just as quick as he had before your shower. The confidence that radiated from him was absolutely maddening. You couldn't understand how any man could be so aware of their looks and yet still come off as slightly shy.

"I'm always nervous the first days of rehearsal.The new schedule, the new people, it's all just overwhelming at times." you divulged honestly. He pulled a knee into his chest heaving a sigh as you continued. "I wish I never started smoking though." you circled back.

"Do you wish you never met him too?"Henry asked, inquisitively peering up from under his hat as he switched knees. You exhaled slowly,fighting for the right way to answer that question.

"Sometimes yes" you nodded. "When I first moved to New York it was really tough, I felt really lonely too." you allowed your voice to trail into a whisper. There is a silence and then you can feel his eyes on you, your cheeks burning red-hot and the more you avoid looking at him the stronger the urge is.

"So that's why you're single." it was brutal but, you weren't upset.Long ago you had come to a similar realization about yourself. Plus, european’s had a way of sounding rude while simply stating facts, it’s part of what makes them so trendy.

"You've allowed life to make you become tough and jaded so you just don't date?Is that it?" he perked an eyebrow in your direction while removing his baseball cap.While you took no offense to his comment, that didn't stop you from hating it.

"Why do you care?" you asked immediately, choosing the defensive instead of going deeper and chasing him down the rabbit hole of honesty.

"See what is that?" he questioned.It was clear he was not going to be letting this go anytime soon.

"I'm trying to do the assignment. I'm trying to get to know you and you push me away."

"Don't be ridiculous."you roll your eyes toward him once again."I'm not pushing you away I just have boundaries and things I don’t want to discuss with you."

You push up from the couch and head in the direction of your room. It was not within his right to pry about your personal relationships,and truly there was nothing more to discuss. Plus, you knew if you stayed close to him a moment longer, you would give into his eyes and the beautiful vanes bulging in his large hand.

"Why?" he asked jumping to his feet,his agility momentarily shocking you as you turn to leave.

"Because I don't want to ! Because you're not-"

"Not what?" he pushes" I've been working around you and this thing between us and I don't why you can be blunt about everything else except this !" He got dangerously close to raising his voice and it stirred the butterflies in your stomach. Something about him being so stern with you set your sex drive ablaze. You could feel yourself biting down hard on your bottom lip and the more you refused to break eye contact with him the more fired up you became. You could see the honesty behind his eyes, he was trying with you, he was proving himself every step of the way and you hated how much you loved it.

"Fine. What is it? What's the THIS?" you ask sarcastically, staring directly at him. His face looked blank and you wondered for a moment if you had asked the right thing. He grabs your hand,falling back onto the couch and pulling you onto the couch on top of him.You quickly realize you are able to put yourself in a position where you can straddle him as he grabs your face, pulling you down to kiss him. You kiss him back slowly , taking time to explore with your tongue. You can feel his hand tangled in your hair at the back of your head and it does something wild to you. You grind down into him and you hear a slight moan escape his mouth.

You bite down suddenly on his bottom lip before coming up for air and he simply can't take it anymore. He wraps his arms around your legs and lifts you up by the bottom of your thighs, carrying you into the bedroom. You feel ridiculously delicate in his arms as he carries you. You break from the kiss momentarily, to make sure your head is ducking all the way under the doorframe as he holds you,smiling into your kiss.

You pull your own shirt off, letting it hit the floor with a loud 'thwack'. The noise momentarily wakes you out of your horny haze. As he lays you on the bed,you bring your forearm up to cover your eyes, in the vaguest attempt of shielding yourself from your own embarrassment. He pulls your pants off and while unsure ,you don't protest as he gingerly splays your legs open for him to see the wetness that had pooled in your underwear.

"O you're so wet for me now."he smiles from ear to ear as you peek through your hand just enough to see his perfectly chiseled chest and you shut your eyes again wondering if this could be real, if he's real.

" We're not done ."he smirks, grabbing you by the legs and pulling you towards him. He then gracefully flips you over onto your hands and knees facing away from him.He pulls your panties down and drags his large fingers over your wet slit and you arch your back at his touch. He settles one hand on your hip as he uses the other hand to work himself into you.You had imagined he was big, but when you feel his head poking into you, you knew your fantasies could never compare to the reality. He uses the hand on your hip to slowly pull you further onto him until you are taking in his whole length. Moving painstakingly slowly, in and out of you. You hear him moaning above you and then he whispers "Fuck” in that stupid accent before snapping his hips into you and pushing you forward. He uses his other hand to prop you up because he knows he's pushing way to hard for someone of your size. Slamming into your pretty little cunt over and over again. You let out his name and you allow plea after plea for him to let you cum. He pounds into you grabbing your hair and pulling your face up to meet his.After a few more thrusts he finally graces you with a reply.

"No." he says and then pulls out of you. Your body immediately feels drained, completely and utterly fucked out and somehow all you want is more. You hold the position for a minute breathing into the lack of movement when you look back to see Henry watching you. Working himself in his large hand, the veins in his arms bulging and a slight bead of sweat beginning to work it's way onto his forehead.

"Turn over" he commands, and as much as you want to move quickly your legs feel like jelly,the smile line at the corner of his mouth fades as he walks towards you and flips you over himself. He positions himself above you again and says "I want to see that pretty face you make when you cum." he smiles down at you sweetly. Pushing in between your hot folds again and the noise you make is downright pornographic. You know it , he knows it and only fuels the fire behind his thrusts . He reaches for your neck again, giving you a pale necklace of fingers and veins that contrasts with your skin . With his other hand you feel him grab at your hand and interlace your fingers with his, above your head. Your eyes fly open and he is looking directly at you, smiling a bit and you can tell he is taking you in. Revelling in all the tiny noises and ways your body responds to his. You can feel his pace quicken as his moans increase, it almost feels as though the longer you look at him the harder he fucks into you, challenging you, seeing if you can handle him. His curls begin to dampen and stick to his forehead, you watch while he looks down on you. He momentarily breaks having his hand at your throat to bring his own pointer to his mouth. You watch as he lighlty bites down on it while letting out a moan.It's almost as if he's trying to keep himself quiet, or burn this view into his brain, but he's to turned on to focus. He fucks into you harder and harder, you can't take it, seeing his teeth around his own finger made you absolutely feral. You cried out his name immediately and before you could realize what was happening you felt your walls tightening again under him. Your legs shook as waves of pleasure washed over you and you could feel yourself clamping down on him. He fucked you through the orgasm, and when it seemed as though you had recovered, he climbed up your body, forcing his cock down your throat, and came instantly. He shudders and makes deep grunts on top of you. You can't help but gag a little on his length as you try to take in the art that is his unclothed body. He hears you struggling for breath and immediately pulls himself out of you. He holds a thumb at the bottom of your chin and watches as you swallow every drop of him. When you're done you look up at him, giving him your best attempt at doe eyes and he turns your chin up for him to kiss you . Fuck. Fuck. you were not supposed to fuck your coworker.Especially not this coworker, you barely even liked him. After a few moments of making out the contact fizzled and eventually he was just laying next to you, breathing heavily.

"It's purely physical." you sighed, watching the small curly hairs on his pecs as his chest heaved.

"Is it?" he began laughing. His smile shone bright in the dimness of the room. He turns to face you, leaning in for a kiss again and you're to weak to deny him.

"Dammit." he whispers between your lips. You grab the back of his head pulling him closer to you, your mind to blissed out and high for you to think.He kisses you hard and then pulls back. He hops off the bed, chest heaving as he uses his forearm to wipe away the sweat. You sleepily roll over to face where he's going. Some minutes pass and before you know it your overly fucked body is begging for rest.You drift of to sleep feeling euphoria in the big bed.

[johannesviii]

This is a long post about Shaman King I started to write ages ago and I don’t have a good title for it

Let me tell you about Shaman King for a few minutes, okay. Because the new anime adaptation is coming in like 3 months and I’m still not ready for it. Also I started to write this post 5 years ago just because I re-read the whole thing at the time and it’s been in my drafts since then. Oops

But yeah Shaman King was the very first fandom I got into when I first had a real internet access, around 2003-2004. I was around fifteen. The manga was still going. And in retrospect, it was full of problems. Among other things:

Not enough female characters & questionable choices for most of the ones who actually have a part to play in the plot

A black character drawn with big lips (see above), and I REALLY HOPE this is gonna get fixed in the new anime ; I mean even the author stopped drawing him like that a few years ago when he did the “remix tracks” extra chapters so come on please

An imaginary native american tribe who, while pretty cool, is still imagined by a Japanese dude in 1999 soooo yeah there’s some rough corners here and there (edit: got some anon hate about that but I'm sorry, "ancient aliens" tropes always make me uncomfortable)

An art quality which gets worse and worse over time due to deadline pressures and an increasingly exhausted author

Was stopped before it could reach its natural conclusion (the author drew an actual ending years later and tbh it’s great so I’m putting this very low on the list)

So yeah. Manga from 1999. Problematic. Aged badly. It happens.

BUT.

In retrospect, most of it is such a kick in the metaphorical butt of shonen manga as a whole I can’t believe it was competing against Naruto and One Piece at some point?? Like

It’s a shonen so it plays the "dramatic and sudden power jump” game, but it uses it to reach a surprising conclusion (in the “new” ending I mean)

Most of the characters are “shamans” which means they can see ghosts and spirits, and they use them to fight, to work, or to help other people. This is a manga in which you’re gonna see a Russian shaman channeling a Vodyanoy spirit into a drum to create a torrential flood. You don’t see that in every manga

It’s stated right away that no shaman can be truely, irredeemably bad, because only good-natured people can see ghosts and spirits.

So, no matter how bad a villain may be, they must have had a good nature once even if they look like a complete bastard at the moment.

How far is the author willing to go with that concept? Pretty far

Even without talking about the main villain and how the story ends because, duh, spoilers... Like

My favorite character, who gets a full redemption arc later, cuts someone open in his first chapter

He’s one of the good guys 10 volumes later

Speaking of which the amount of gore in this manga has to be seen to be believed, Jump would never let this happen nowadays

If you’re wondering why this is in the “positive” (......?) list it’s because I was 14/15 and all kids that age crave blood and angst

The main character, Yoh, pictured above, is very laid-back, and I mean very. He listens to the in-world equivalent of Bob Marley and constantly wears big headphones. Also he wears sandals, and sometimes there’s a weed leaf drawn on his t-shirt

His parents arranged a mariage between him and a girl shaman even though they’re still teenagers, so this would have potential for High Drama - but surprisingly enough it turns out they like each other and after that he just goes around saying “this is my future wife” and she’s like “hello if you touch him I’m going to end you”

It sounds weird and it......... is, tbh, but it’s also refreshing among all the “ugh, girls, yuck” tropes that nearly all shonen mangas used to have at the time

Yoh’s main goal in life is to live with minimal effort

When his grandfather tells him he must train to participate in a shaman tournament which happens every 500 years, because the winner gets a wish granted by the Great Spirit, he decides his wish will be to make everybody’s life easy so that nobody will ever be forced to work or do shit they don’t want to do to survive anymore

Yoh Asakura is a Millenial icon don’t @ me

Speaking of which

Almost everyone in this series is broke as f█ck

Yoh owns a big house but that’s only because the price was ridiculously low since it’s the most haunted place in Tokyo and nobody else wants to live there. The house is constantly full of other characters (including enemies) who have literally nowhere else to go

The only important character who isn’t broke has money because his family is super rich but he hates all of them because they’re all bastards so it’s super awkward

Another character bought a really cool motorbike but he’s going to be in debt for the next 40 years

Also he’s a hobo

And also bi

What I’m trying to say is: relatable

Also the tournament is held by an imaginary Native American tribe. They’re also broke. All of them. The two judges who are in charge of the main characters live in a cramped appartment and often try to sell souvenirs in the street to pay the rent

I know that’s hashtag problematic but I still love them I can’t help it

Just like in most shonen mangas the hero seems to amass a big collection of Friends but since everyone is a weirdo in a way or another and comes from all over the world it looks even funnier

At some point during the tournament, the main characters have to form small groups of three in order to participate to the next part. Yoh’s team is one of the strongest teams among the ones we’ve met at this point, and is composed of 1) Yoh, a laid-back sleepy kid wearing toilet sandals 2) the aforementioned bi hobo who’s sad because his current crush is in a rival team, and 3) a thirty-something tatooed guy with no legs and an IV drip and who looks like he hasn’t slept since 1997

Oh and they all wear adds for a bath house

Because remember: everyone’s f█cking broke

Spoilers for the mid-point of the manga but I need to talk about it because it encapsulates everything I used to love in it

You’ve been warned

So

At some point the main character, Yoh, is asked to choose between staying in the tournament or resurrect his rival

This is framed as some kind of very heavy, very huge dilemma. Like oh no what will he do. Will he give up his dreams and hopes. Will You Push The Button(tm)

So the choice is presented to him

In a very dramatic way

And he immediately goes “there’s a way to save him?? YES PLEASE”

He doesn’t hesitate a single second and drops the tournament in a heartbeat to save the guy

This scene greatly contributed to make me a better person I’m not even joking at all

I love Yoh

So anyway I don’t have a proper conclusion for this

Shaman King is very flawed and its flaws need to be acknowledged to fully appreciate all the good things in it, and the “old” fandom from more than 15 years ago was a very good formative experience for me because the forum I was on (which was nuked from the face of the internet by a hacker “looking for training grounds” (his words not mine, he posted it on our frontpage a full week before he did it) in 2005, rip) was full of people who were really into criticising every little aspect of the manga but still loved it dearly

And I think that’s a healthy way to enjoy things and I think we should bring this back

Anyway

Shaman King extremely flawed but full of good things

I still can’t believe it’s back

Johannes out

[btsandvmin]

What made you like Jimin individually and Taehyung individually ? And do you have a slight preference between the two ?

I love all the members so much, and for me picking a bias is still kind of difficult. I have concluded that I do bias both Jimin and Tae but kind of switch between them at different times for different reasons. As for a bias wrecker I legit cannot choose and it changes all the time.

The way I got into BTS was through the BST MV and then trying to learn the members (the first one I learned and checked up on was Namjoon). I also got fascinated by the BU storyline as storytelling and analysis/reviews is a big hobby of mine (the fandoms I’ve been in are many, and character/story analyses/reviews/theories are something I have engaged in a lot). 

On top of that I work in the media industry and have an interest for visual storytelling as well and I got hooked by the concepts, the beautiful MV and the both story-based and symbolical clues they left. I also loved their music and like groups in general because of the interesting vocal dynamics you can create.  Basically, BTS managed to hit all my buttons and I had to look up more.

Mind you, I barely knew the members' names properly and I was already investigating the meaning of their MV and storyline. I listened to their album and loved the songs before I could tell which member was who. (Both Awake and First love made me cry without even knowing the lyrics).  I also have to mention how much I love both of Vmin’s voices, who are both very unique and interesting. I basically biased their voices before I knew who they were. (Fun or sad fact but I am really bad with faces and actually learned the members' singing voices before their faces.)

Let’s just say that I got into the music and visuals/concept first, and then started to consume material to get to know the members. They all also had incredible chemistry between each other and reminded me a lot of one of my favorite j-pop groups with their dynamics. 

What I started to watch was “get to know them” videos and recent interviews and clips, meaning from BST era. It was hard for me to not notice Jimin (even though vocal line were the ones I had the hardest time separating from each other in the very beginning). And perhaps even more so since the introduction videos tended to have a lot better and varied things to say about Jimin amongst vocal line. But even on his own Jimin simply stood out to me during the BST era when I joined. He took a lot of space in the group as a performer (especially with his high notes, his dancing, his hair and his outfits all combined) but also as an individual in off stage material. I fell for his voice and performance and the “Jimin effect” was hitting me hard. 

I also related to him a lot. I am a sort of clingy but shy person who is a perfectionist and likes being in control. I also thought he was both cute and funny without being too over the top with things like aegyo (I mean, we all know he is horrible at it when he tries to do it on purpose). I think the way Jimin is so open (though private) makes him easy to understand and relate to. He has a lot of different moods and there is an honesty in how much he shows us even though he clearly still remained in control.

As time went by, I found myself focusing on Jimin more than the other members and I realized my bias. I was simply drawn to him more than the others from the start. That in turn brings me to Taehyung... Because honestly, at the time it was impossible not to notice their closeness. And looking up a lot of old material, where Jimin was there was also Taehyung. They were very clingy and had a lot of cute interactions. One of the first things I watched of their more off-stage material was also Bon Voyage in Scandinavia (being from there myself I was extra curious) and the Vmin moments in there just cemented their bond for me.

I am not saying I only appreciate Tae for ship reasons, simply that Vmin got my attention early on and that did make me focus more on Taehyung as well. I thought as many that he was a bit odd, but very funny and playful, that he was incredibly good-looking (my opinion from the start was that JK and Tae were the most good-looking) but also a bit difficult to read. Taehyung made me want to understand him, and I was interested in him for quite different reasons than how I related to Jimin. I love him for his way of thinking and how he seems to have this innocence or happiness in the small things about him. Like, Tae getting lost in Sweden but still being happy about the small adventure, enjoying himself and stopping to blow on a dandelion might just be one of the most endearing things I have ever seen. (Honestly, another point I relate to Jimin on so much is his love for Tae and how he just makes us smile no matter what he does.)

Of course, as they change and as I get to watch them more, the more I find to love and appreciate (as well as flaws of course) and now I would say all the members are just very precious to me and I love them both for who they are on their own and for their bond as a group. It is impressive and not to be understated how rare it is to find a bond like theirs. I have seen many groups, and few are as compatible as BTS, and few seem to truly love each other the way they do.

But as for bias it will likely always be Jimin and Taehyung unless there is some drastic change.

For Jimin I love the way he dances while controlling every fiber of his body, the way he pours love into all his relationships but isn’t afraid to call people out, the way he keeps getting funnier (I think Jimin’s sense of humor is so underrated), the way he acts like an angel but actually has the whole world fooled (and he knows it), the way he shows his emotions so animatedly no matter if he gets annoyed or laughs with his whole body, the way he knows his principles and stands his ground when he believes in something, the way he works so hard to improve and better himself both as a performer and as a human, the way he thinks about things deeply and is so eloquent with how to express it, the way he is there for both ARMY, his members and even strangers because he is empathic to his core. There is a lot to love with Jimin, and he always makes sure to return that love when deserved.

For Taehyung I love the way he stand against the norms, the way he shows it’s ok to be different and embrace himself and others without judgement, the way he almost plays with us when he performs, the way he sings with such emotion and how he loves to express himself through all kinds of art forms, the way he learns and take in valid criticism but isn’t afraid to call bullshit, the way he knows when to be serious but also the importance of having fun, the way he is both the biggest dork and a fierce performer at once (I mean he can be so unapologetically silly and then suddenly switch to lethal seduction), the way his unique way of thinking opens up to new points of view, the way he can’t help but show his excitement or love for something and wants to share it with the people around him. He goes all out when he loves something and doesn’t hide his opinions when he doesn’t. Taehyung is just a very honest (though perfectly capable of lying and fooling us thank you very much) and incredible person that I both admire and adore.

There is just so much, and even small things get to me, like don’t get me started on their smiles, or even just their habits when they laugh... (how Tae usually laughs quietly but once in a while will let out these light giggles, or the way Jimin seem to automatically covers his face when he laughs).

I love them both to death (as all the members). It is not easy to just sit down and pour years of love into words, but I tried. I love them both as singers, performers, artists, and humans. I also love them as soulmates and how much they both just spread love and positivity to the people around them. The impact they have had on me, and surely many of you, is hard to comprehend. I am so lucky and happy that I decided to become a fan of this wonderful group and these wonderful people.

Phew, that was a lot wasn’t it? All opinion based, probably a bit hard to understand and not very well structured either. This is all just a flow of consciousness, and I likely forgot to mention a lot of things I could have said. Even so I hope you found it a nice read. :) Thank you for the ask.

[redbloons]

Only Murders in the Building S01E08

Last week OMITB graced our screens with a virtually dialogue-free episode (for which I will anticipate some awards). The episode was no less than exceptional, but with a somewhat lackluster ending. I mean, who kidnaps people these days anymore, and in fricking New York City?

Following last week's stellar directing, sound editing and script writing, this week's episode, titled "Fan Fiction", serves as the 8th episode of the season and starts with a group of true crime podcast fans waiting in front of the Arconia building.

So why the ending last week if the rest was just so spectacular? As one of those fans puts it, "Why are you being so negative? [..] trust the team". So I'll do just that and keep watching with an open mind (and heart) and see where this is going (I mean, the show was renewed for a second season, so my guess is we are heading towards a mind-boggling cliffhanger, but hey, it's not over till the fat lady sings).

After the theme song plays the story resumes in Theo's van where Mabel and Oliver are currently held captive. Then, they meet up with Teddy and ride in his limo.

1. How long were they in the van? It's already sunlight when they met Teddy;

2. Was tying them up necessary? Mabel even had a blindfold on, I mean, you just untied them when switching cars. This is just lazy writing.

Nathan Lane as Teddy delivers some very good acting, in a grave tone, which we are not used to seeing him do, and so proves just how good of an actor he actually is. We already knew that, but, his versatility still amazes me.

So, Teddy blackmails Oliver and Mabel in producing a final episode of their podcast affirming Tim Kono killed himself due to loneliness or else he knows where they live (really good pun, good delivery!).

Oliver and Mable meet with Charles, who together with Jan, went through Tim's phone and discovered that Tim saw Theo pushing Zoe off the roof. A bit of wasted time, if you ask me, as the audience already knew this piece of information from the secondary narrative plain from last week.

Following setting up a rendezvous with detective Williams, at her request and to aid her in the official investigation, the team prepares a podcast episode releasing evidence found in Tim Kono's phone ("the who, the how, the why and the why now").

I feel obliged to pause here and to mention that Selena delivers her lines most of the time in a better-than-expected way, while mastering the art of sarcasm and low-key funny. Not to mention, that not even half-way through the episode, we got to see bagels and home-made pizza rolls, two quintessential NYC items, and someone was hungry while writing this.

Carrying on, Oliver invites the true crime podcast fans waiting outside to his apartment where everybody was working on putting the pieces together in solving the mystery and producing the next episode of the podcast. Amy Ryan's Jan gets funnier as the show progresses, in a subtle way (kudos to the writing team), playing the unknowing but very-sure-of-herself female character and love interest, by being "reverse-helpful" (Oliver's words, not mine).

Oliver starts directing a reenactment of what happened on the night of Tim Kono's death using the three fans as Tim, Theo and Lester the doorman.

Shall I mention that up until now, the highlight of this episode was fan#3's attempt at portraying Theo by covering his ears with his hands, at which point Oliver, righteously so, said "never do that again"? I knew I shouldn't have laughed, but my, I do enjoy some subtle comedy in a passive-aggressive voice. The writers have managed somehow to bring some old stereotypes in current media and politely telling society this is not how to do it. Congrats!

Jan tried convincing the team to look into other suspects, not aware of past effort. "Please, exit!" said Oliver and Jan left the apartment. Approaching her flat door, she discovers a note on it with a message saying "I'm watching you". Queue mystery music playing.

The following morning the trio releases the final episode of the podcast, incriminating the Dimases, with police showing at their door: grave-robbery and the murder of Tim Kono.

As the team celebrates the podcast release, Charles texts Jan, but without receiving an immediate reply.

[WARINING! SPOILERS AHEAD!]

But, do not wind down, we have two more episodes to go, so of course, right before the end we get hit with a plot twist. The tox report came back and detective Williams noticed Tim Kono was actually poisoned, which means he was already dead when he was shot. Shocking, am I right?

And it's not over yet, there is photographic evidence the Dimases were outside the building even before the fire alarm went off the night Tim Kono was murdered.

Upon hearing the news, Charles storms off saying that his girlfriend was right for suggesting earlier pursuing other suspects and goes to apologize to her with a flower bouquet for dismissing her views. He finds Jan's apartment door open and he enters. Charles finds Jan laying on the floor, facing down, bleeding from a gun-inflicted wound.

Plot Rating: 7.5/10

Acting Rating: 7/10

Cinematography Rating: 5/10

Writing Rating: 6/10

Ending Rating: 6/10

Overall Episode Rating: 6/10

Now, what did you guys think of Only Murders in the Building S01E08 "Fan Fiction"? What else are you looking for when reading a recap? Let me know! Suggestions and feedback are very much welcome :)

[secret-engima]

...Rufus Shinra and the Turks in KHR

-Pure, total, utter, CHAOS.

-This boy was raised to rule an EMPIRE that played pretend as a power company there is no one more suited to wreak havoc with the Mafia than this boi and his pack of trained killers.

-Let’s be really mean and make Rufus be reborn as Tsuna and OH BOY the chaos starts from a young age.

-Tsuna doesn’t remember his old like until Nono seals him, and several days later (after Nono and Iemitsu have left) in the continuous desperation to LIVE-SURVIVE-NO-NO-NO that comes from having part of his soul locked away, Tsuna cracks open a part of his mind that should have never been touched, and Rufus spills out across the young, vulnerable mind of his second life with a gasp and a shudder, and he feels something in his veins screaming to be let out, and it feels like drowning-freezing-dying so he FIGHTS with every ounce of Will he has.

-The seal was meant to restrain the young, untrained Flame of a toddler. This new and unsettled, it was not prepared to hold back the surge of Will that came from an adult mind honed to a razor edged and tempered in world-ending apocalypses. The seal shatters into a thousand shards, but not before it carves at Rufus’s soul on the way out, and Nana rushes her son to the hospital for what looks like a seizure.

-The doctors have to restart his heart three times before he finally stabilizes (before his Flames finally flush the last of the seal shards from his system and are allowed to flow free through his veins). During the tense, hours long struggle to keep him alive, Nana calls the number Iemitsu gave her over and over.

-No one answers.

-Rufus wakes up in a hospital, and the sensation is not unfamiliar. It still takes him a moment to recognize the woman dozing in the chair by his bed with dark marks under her eyes as his mother (new mother) and this life as Tsuna’s life, not Rufus’s.

-Well. This is.

-Not what he expected when he died.

-He gets the feeling Gaia is laughing at him.

-The doctors can’t figure out what caused his seizures, nothing unusual shows up on any of their tests or scans. The only thing is heightened stress hormones and blood pressure, but not nearly high enough to cause damage. Eventually they let Nana take him home, but the woman who was previously so distant and ... ditzy in Tsuna’s memories is now protective, alert. Rufus assumes it’s because having your child nearly die horribly for unknown causes would make anyone (barring say, his old father) terribly upset.

-(He doesn’t know that Nana carried him all the way to the hospital because she doesn’t have a car, that his Flames, screaming Sky and biting, feral Mist, soaked into her own soul in their desperation, and in their quest to tear off his seal, shattered the one Iemitsu had sneakily applied to Nana’s passive Sky flames as well).

-Rufus thinks on Tsuna’s memories and realizes that it was his absentee father and “grandfather” (hah if that’s not a crime lord euphemism he’ll eat his own shoes) that caused his awakening and near death. There is something morbidly amusing in having a terrible, probably criminal father in both lifetimes.

-It would be funnier if he had any of his old allies to help him along (to make him feel less lonely).

-He also has powers now, and for a while he wonders if that makes him some kind of Ancient or halfbreed of one, but either way he keeps them secret, and he’s pretty sure Ancients didn’t use quite this much fire in their powers.

-He keeps his head down, he gets top marks in school but makes no real effort to socialize with his peers (none of them are worth knowing except maybe Hibari, but Hibari is feral and Rufus isn’t sure he wants to deal with that), and in secret he practices control over his Flames. He has two of them, one is bright orange and bright and POWERFUL, it’s the easiest to call. The other is weaker, but it’s incredibly useful. It’s light indigo in color, and with it Rufus can weave illusions from simple “don’t notice me” things to full on imagined animals or people as distractions.

-One day though, he gets caught playing with his powers by one Yamamoto Takeshi. The boy looks at him with an implacably neutral expression and Rufus is wondering if his purple fire can erase minds, when suddenly he smiles and holds out a palmful of blue fire.

-Rufus’s orange Flame lurches out of his skin in a breathless, needy desperation that startles them both, the Intuition in Rufus’s head SINGING found-you-found-you-mine-mine-mine- and there’s a click in both their souls-.

-Takeshi relaxes and something in Rufus’s soul cries with joy and recognition. Then Takeshi folds his hands politely in front of him and smiles a smile Rufus would know anywhere in the world, “Hello sir,” Tseng murmurs, “it’s good to finally see you again.”

-After that, their adult reserve crumbles, and the two children (only ten years old) cry heart wrenchingly on each other’s shoulders, because they saw the world end, they saw death, and now they woke up and thought for years they were the only ones.

-The others trickle in slowly after that, in fits and starts. Kyoko wanders over one day and introduces herself as Elena, and Rufus realizes Ryohei, her very quiet brother, has been something of a Martial Arts fanatic since a few years ago (since Rufus broke his seal, he doesn’t know it, but the sheer power and desperation of his Flames echoed over the town and woke up the others, though they did not realize where their awakening had come from).

-Cissnei shows up on his doorstep without explanation, her hair dark purple now and her body skinny from malnutrition that Rufus’s new mother happily sets about fixing.

-One by one his Turks drift in, and when Hibari starts growling over the intrusion of a budding gang in his territory, Rufus finally deigns to give Hibari his full attention.

-It’s a fight that ends in two broken arms, three broken ribs, a black eye and a nasty concussion, but one of those arms, the black eye, one of the ribs, and the concussion aren’t his and Hibari looks at Rufus in something like awe before he names Rufus Fluffy Carnivore and suddenly Hibari has a new turk recruit who comes with his own small army of pompadour wearing minions.

-Excellent.

-Rufus is content to start small. He doesn’t want to attract the attention of his father’s organization yet, but he has established himself as a small Yakuza now (though no one knows he rules it, his illusions are so helpful in making him seem smaller and weaker and clumsier than he is, to the point the oblivious students and teachers call him Dame-Tsuna) and he is looking into uncovering which Mafia group his father works for (so he can someday tear it up by the roots and burn it down, just to see the look on Iemitsu’s face).

-Of course, when he turns 14, everything gets ... complicated.

-Namely a tiny hitman shaped vaguely like a toddler shows up on his doorstep, calls him Dame-Tsuna, and says he’s here to teach Tsuna how to be a proper Mafia boss.

-Rufus and his Turks are Not Impressed™.

-But Iemitsu sent this tiny hitman, and Rufus is never one to pass up a chance to play the enemy for a fool, so he plays along. He plays the startled, skeptical civilian, the klutzy middle schooler with a group of wacky friends who don’t fit in any better than him, and when the TRAINED KILLER who is the best in the world (or so he claims) buys it wholesale, Rufus has to struggle not to roll his eyes at the sky because HONESTLY.

-Then Reborn drags a boy from Italy here, one who is quiet and wears sunglasses and has perhaps too much love of explosions and Rufus grins to himself and clicks his fingers at Tseng. Tseng takes the boy aside, and when they come back, Rude calmly swears fealty to Rufus without batting an eye.

-Reborn’s strangled surprise in the corner is priceless.

-It’s less priceless when Reborn shrugs it off as coincidence and keeps buying the “Dame-Tsuna” persona.

-It takes until Mukuro (Reno, a nearly broken, fractured Reno who has kept his sanity only because of the memories his torture dragged up out of his soul) shows up with two more of his Turks and Rufus and Rude talk them down in minutes (and with a lot of tears afterward, because these bodies are only 14 and Reno and his comrades have been through too much already) that Reborn starts to get suspicious that Something Is Up.

-Even so. The Dame-Tsuna insults and condescension persist, and Nana is bristly from it now (from being lied to in the face and expected not to notice) and Reborn still doesn’t notice and it is honestly getting on Rufus’s nerves.

-The day the Varia show up and he is told that Tsuna is to fight for the throne of Vongola, a pack of seeming 14 year olds against TRAINED ADULT ASSASSINS. Rufus decides enough is enough.

-On the day of the first fight, Rufus calmly and openly tells his Turks to “Take the Field”. The leader of the Varia, a man who’s Flames all but scream pain and betrayal and anguish (a familiar set of emotions, albeit not hidden and turned into poison, and it seems like Rufus is destined to be reminded of his first childhood at every turn doesn’t it) laughs at the “arrogance of the small trash”. Rufus just smiles, thin and polite and sweet.

-Martial Arts tears through Lussuria with a flurry of punches and kicks that send little shockwaves through the arena and the laughter slows.

-Knives (now named Haru) doesn’t even bat an eye at the lightning umbrellas and instead goes straight for the man’s sensitive bits with a lightning enhanced foot, then holds a knife to his sensitive parts and sweetly asks him to yield.

-By the time the Storm battle occurs and Rude has neatly burned off a good chunk of the Varia Storm’s hair with his bombs, the laughter has stopped and the staring has begun. Reborn and Iemitsu are deathly silent as they watch “Tsuna’s civilian friends” shred the Varia like paper, but really what did they expect to happen when they pitted the only group of unenhanced alive who could go toe to toe with SOLDIERs and win against some over-confident assassins?

-The Varia leader gets steadily more furious with each uninterrupted victory from the Turks, snarling and raging at his subordinates in a way that is most unbecoming. By the time it’s the turn of the Skies (and Nono is there to watch and such a PITY he didn’t get killed in the exploding mecha suit, truly), Rufus is still smiling thinly and Xanxus is fit to burst with fury.

-”What are you?” Xanxus roars not long into their fight, when Rufus calmly dodges every blast and seems to all but fade from the senses if they take their eyes off him for a mere moment, “You’re supposed to be a Sky! Stop fighting like a trash Mist!”

-Rufus stops, and pointedly does not look at Reborn or Iemitsu or Nono. He just grins, wild and bloody, “Alright.”

-He lets his Sky Flames out.

-The two so-called referees, Iemitsu’s pet Rain, and the Varia’s Lightning all drop to their knees from the pressure.

-Xanxus gapes.

-”Turns out,” Rufus hums calmly as he creates a shotgun out of Mist Flames and fires a round of pure Sky Flame at Xanxus’s chest (the man barely dodges with a stream of curses), “that nearly dying of a prolonged seizure and three heart attacks when you are just a toddler because of the Flame Seal that your dearest father and father’s boss tried to carve into your soul means your Dying Will is very, very strong. Who knew.”

-Xanxus actually lowers his pistols to stare at Rufus, “They. What.”

-Rufus politely refrains from shooting this man while his guard is down, because an enemy of Nono is a potential ally that shouldn’t be wasted, “You heard me. Ask mother dearest if you want. She was the one who ran to the hospital with my seizing body in her arms and spent the next seven hours outside the emergency room calling my father’s number with no response, unsure if I would live or die. But please, don’t let mere facts stop you from telling me how I’m trash who can’t light a candle with my Will. It certainly doesn’t stop my so-called Tutor.”

-Somewhere in the background, Reborn makes a strangled noise, and Rufus thinks that the Varia Sun is the one making the angry kettle noises all medics make when their medical sensibilities have been gutted and set on fire in front of them.

[what-the--curtains]

Alliance

Chapter 9 – The Hunt

(Mando x f!reader)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary: After recovering you set off to find the man who tried to kill you. Killing him proves to be more difficult than expected when the ones you love are threatened, and on the other side of the choice, your own future.

Authors note: One more chapter to go!! Some angst at the end here! Hope y’all enjoy ❤️❤️❤️! (I also did some very average fan art if y’all haven’t seen it yet!)

Tw: sex is alluded to (not depicted), decapitation, force choke

Word count: 4.9k

Tagged list: @crazycookiecrumbles, @seninjakitey

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The planet proved harder to find than expected, despite Anya's best efforts, something was fogging up her tracking causing your coordinates to be constantly in flux. She’d easily lead you past the outer rim, but since then it had been akin to a wild goose chase.

“Any idea who tried to kill you.” Din asks, he'd been exceptionally patient throughout the journey thus far. Never questioning your methods just typing in the new location coordinates calmly and re aligning the ship on its new course.

“Did kill me” you correct, as your hand moves absentmindedly over the healed wound. “but no, I dont. They had a lightsaber though”

“Was it a Jedi?” he asks earnestly.

“Well based on the context clues, I'd definitely say at least Jedi adjacent” you laugh, for a savvy strategist who knew multiple languages you sometimes found yourself questioning if his brain was in fact functioning.

“Why would a Jedi try and kill you?”

“Your guess is as good as mine”

“How do they decide on colors?” He asks after a somewhat awkward silence

“Hmmm” you hum out in confusion, only half paying attention to what he had said.

“The light swords? Ashoka's are blue, yours is purple and the figures, well there's was red” your heart stops.

“It was red?” you ask, sitting up in your seat giving him your undivided attention.

“Ya does that mean something?” He watches your eyes slowly piecing together what he'd just told you.

“That’s impossible, the Sith were defeated. They died with the emperor.” you affirm, your sure red was a common colour used by Jedi nowadays, sure no one had ever seen one before, but there was a first time for everything right?

“So were the Jedi.” he points out.

“Do you always have to be right?” you ask slightly irritated for a reason you couldn’t quite explain. He doesn't respond; he knows a rhetorical question when he hears one but unsure what he had done to upset you. An uncomfortable silence lingers in the air, a sensation you'd never experienced with the Mandalorian before. Not wanting to stew in the quiet you head down to the lower levels and try and calm your frazzled mind. Sitting down you cross your legs, one over the other, as you close your eyes.

On the best of days meditating was a chore, but under the current situation it had become an impossible task. It wasn’t the threat of being ambushed that had you distracted, no something else was playing heavily on your mind. It was what was causing the punctuated silences, forced conversation and overall awkwardness in the atmosphere. It was your own doing. Seriously, who kisses a man whose face they've never seen! Idiots that's who and now it was stuck on your mind. In your defense you thought you wouldn't have to deal with the fallout so quickly. You should have known he’d have insisted on going with you, but you hadn't thought that far ahead, or at all and now you had to sit with the fact that you’d possibly ruined your comfortable friendship by planting one on him. Technically it wasn’t a real kiss,or maybe it was, how did Mandalorians kiss anyways? There you were down the rabbit hole again, this is why you couldn't focus, you curse yourself. Shaking your head you remind yourself it was only done in an attempt to get around him, a strategic move to protect the group, nothing more, nothing less. Keeping that in mind you manage to focus and you feel the galaxy's pulse emitting throughout the ship, inhaling and exhaling with the undulations around you.

Din, bored and missing the usually witty banter you offered him, decided it was time for him to clear the air in regards to the kiss. He hopes by telling you that he knew it was only done to get around him, you’d become more relaxed. The last thing he wanted was for you to be uncomfortable around him. He knew you'd never want to be with someone like him, at least in that way. As he turns around he sees you cross legged floating in the air, not wanting to interrupt he heads back up. Anya lifts her head as he re-enters, looking at him as if she knew what he was thinking. He’ll clear the air with you later, the two of you had plenty of time to talk.

You curse as your journey gets rerouted for what had to be the twelfth time in the past two days. Whoever was hunting you did not want to be found and no amount of swearing or whacking the console would change that. The closer you got to your destination the more you felt the malevolent presence grow. You found yourself wondering if it had always been with you, finding it hard to remember a time when it wasn't gnawing at your conscience. Each time you feel it scratching at your doors you remember Ashoka's words “be careful who you let into your head.” You'd made that mistake once with devastating consequences. You would not be making it again. Your energy was now primarily being spent keeping the presence at bay, not allowing it to penetrate any deeper than it already had. Sleeping only acted as an open invitation for the figure to torture you so you opted to forgo it altogether. Perhaps not the wisest decision, but what other choice did you have.

“The planet’s still a few days away.” Din says, noting the unraveled look in your eyes as you take your place next to him.

“Anything to do on this ship.” You ask, fidgeting in your seat. “like games or something” he doesn't respond “Hey beskar head! You awake under that helmet?”. You ask partially joking, partially annoyed that he wasn't talking to you.

“Yes.”

“Yes to games or yes to being awake?”

“To games” you smile, you never knew if he was actually making jokes or if you were just reading into it. The finer details of his personality artfully hidden beneath the metal exterior.

“Got Dejarik, you know how to play?” he asks, glad that you were back to yourself for the time being.

“I'm alright” you say smiling, you were better than alright, at least you think. To be fair you'd only ever played against one person and she was family and probably inclined to letting you win.

“You're cheating!” he exclaims, his annoyance apparent even through the modulator. Your skills were better than you expected especially after all those years, well either that or the Mandalorian was just that bad.

“How?” you ask, laughing at how frustrated he was getting. It was funny when you beat him the second time, but by gods it was even funnier when you beat him the seventh time.

“The force!” He says clenching his hand as he stares down at the board.

“I don't think the force bothers itself with helping me beat you at Dejarik.” you point out, as he grumbles something indistinguishable.

“Maybe you're just not as good as you think you are.” You tease pointing your finger at him eyebrows raised and a smirk plastered on your face.

“That’s not what I’ve been told,” he responds.

“About Dejarik or?” he laughs it off, but you seriously wanted to know the answer. After Cara told you he was allowed to have sex it was a question that you’d thought about a lot, more than you probably should have, but hey you were curious. Realizing the Mandalorian was now turning the game board over to see if it was rigged, you decide to change games.

“You still got that indestructible spear. The beskar one?” you ask nonchalantly.

“Yes, not something i'm planning on losing” he nods

“Fancy a match?” you offer you needed to work on your fighting skills, practicing on the air only went so far.

“Only if you promise not to slice through my ship.” He says, standing up.

“Only if you promise not to cry when I beat you.” you return causing him to scoff

“Oh im not going to be the one crying” he assures.

You stand in the ship's far corner across from Din who haphazardly twirls the spear in his hand as you open up your saber, raising it waiting for him to make the first move. He stays his ground, you and him were both defensive fighters and you knew he was far too stubborn to change his routine. Leaping forward you land in front of him, your saber making contact with the spear. After a few seconds spent testing his strength you know there's no feasible way for you to out muscle him. You'd have to out maneuver him. He’d seen you fight stronger opponents before so you’d have to think outside the box on this one. You move out from under the spear the release of your counter force causing Din to stumble forward. You turn aiming for his shin, but his arm reaches back the spear stopping your hit from connecting with his armour. You circle round him so you're once again face to face giving him enough time to stand back up. He turns quickly, swinging the spear as he does, aiming for your waist. You jump over the swipe landing behind him, hitting him in the back.

“Point to me.” you say

“No using the force” he says, turning to look down at you, his presence suddenly looming.

“I wasn't, I can just jump really high!” You lie.

“Likely story” he says brushing past you as he moves back to his starting spot

“What was that I said about crying earlier?” you question.

He's got you talking too long and he sweeps your feet out from under you knocking you on your ass and gently tapping you on the head with the spear.

“Point me” he says, offering you his hand.

“That was dirty” you say as he hoists you up.

“Who says we're playing clean sweetheart?” The term catches both of you off guard, but he's flustered himself more than you, allowing you to land the next two points.

“Hope your ego isn't too hurt darling.” you mock back at him as metal and light collide once again.

“It’s not over yet” he says, using all his strength to march you back towards the wall pinning you against it with his spear.

“You need to work on your attack, you leave a lot open” he says, breathing heavily.

“You need to work on a codpiece, it leaves a lot open” you retort, kneeing him in the groin, hard enough for him to drop you, but not so hard that it kept him down for long.

“Not enough beskar” he murmurs, hoping to get the last word in.

“Oh big brag for a man who just lost several games of Dejarik in a row and” your sentence is cut short as the spear taps the small of your back giving him the winning point

“And what?”

“Oh real classy Din, can’t win a fair fight” you say hand on your hip.

“It was fair considering I wasn't going 100%”

‘Oh you weren't” you mock, the smile telling him you were amused and not upset by his antics, the gentle slap on his arm further verifying this. The moments like this were nice, but as you continue to gain on your target they became fleeting. The Mandalorian watches as your ability to focus waivers, your frustration becoming increasingly evident in your training. Miraculously, you hadn't sliced through anything important, but the ship’s interior was constantly needing to be patched up. At least it kept him occupied and out of your hair. You looked like you were fighting a hidden battle, one he would gladly fight with you, if you'd let him. He didn’t know the full extent of your struggle, but he knew the anger he felt simmering inside you wasn't being aided by your refusal to sleep.

Your irritability, although caused by exerting tremendous energy keeping the figure at bay, was no excuse for the times you had lashed out at the Mandalorian. The most recent outburst occurred when he'd stepped on your foot after you had explicitly told him to watch out. In hindsight, threatening to melt his beskar down and turn it into a hearing aid for him so he could stop being such a nerf herder was a touch harsh. Alright, incredibly harsh especially considering he'd attempted to apologize before you went off on him.

“Sorry I threatened the beskar” you murmur sitting down next to him

“Are you going to tell me what's going on?” he asks

“Going on where” you ask

“Well it can't just be air in your head” he jokes, causing you to laugh for the first time in a few days.

“Seriously though , I'm sorry Ive been out of line, and it's not fair on you, you’ve been so understanding.”

“You know what might help with the outbursts?”

“A lecture?” you remark, your tone harsher than intended

“No, sleep, you should try it sometime”

“I'm fine without it” you say, the yawn escaping your lips contradicting your words.

“You should sleep.”

“ You don’t.” you remark hoping to catch him off guard, but he's obviously rehearsed this conversation a few times.

“ I don’t need to.”

“Neither do I.” You lie, almost a year later and you still had no idea how he slept so little, though your current working theory was that he would just take naps under the helmet when he thought he could get away with it.

“No, you can't sleep, there's a distinct difference.”

Not wanting to lash out at him for the third time that day and knowing he was right, you make a swift exit. You push the button that opens up to the tight sleeping quarters where you'd spent many hours lying awake. You were hoping that you'd reached an exhaustion point where your body would just shut down. You lay back on the bed not bothering with the covers, you weren't expecting to get comfortable. Anya had stopped trying to sleep in the same bed as you, usually getting inadvertently kicked or shoved out the bed by your constant movements. Your eyes can’t have been closed for more than a minute when they snap open. Despite their alertness your body's gone limp. What fresh hell was this? As your eyes adjust to the darkness you can only just make out the hauntingly familiar shape sitting at the edge of your bed. You go to call out for the Mandalorian, but no sound is emitted, nothing comes out at all not even air. You watch helplessly as the figure's arm extends ensnaring you in a choke hold, the yellow iris shining out beneath the hood, confirming your worst fear. A Sith. You scream yourself awake, the force causing items to fly to the ground, no doubt alerting the Mandalorian. You bring your knees to your chest grabbing at your scalp telling yourself it wasn’t real, but it didn't matter what you said. The truth was you couldn’t tell anymore all lines had blurred together. You get up off the bed looking around the room already exhausted at having to clean up yet another mess you had made. You lean over picking up the weapons that had fallen off the armoury hanging them back up when you hear the Mandalorian drop down the sound startling you.

“I'm sorry” you mutter embarrassed, not looking up as you move to grab the few dishes currently lying on the floor.

“What did I say about breaking the ship?” he says, chuckling slightly in an attempt to lighten the mood. He bends down to help you but you grab his arm stopping him.

“I made the mess. I'll clean it up.” You say gathering up the utensil and placing them back on the table absentmindedly stroking your throat as you turn to pick up the rest. As you reach for the chess board he grabs your hands, intertwining his fingers with yours, leading you back over to the bed.

“Get some rest, I'll clean up,” he says softly, sitting you down on the bed.

“Stop telling me what to do Din, besides it's not working.”

“You need to sleep.”

“I can’t and unless you can think up a way to make me then were shit out of luck.”

“I can think of a few ways.” he mumbles hoping it was loud enough for you to hear.

“Like what? Knocking me out with a blaster?” you scoff

“ A less violent way,” The words leave his mouth before he can fully assess the pros and cons of what he was offering to do.

“Reciting the entire code of conduct of the mandalore race to me?” Gods, how were you still not getting this.

“A less boring way.” He prays that you either catch on or he passes away suddenly so as to save him from any further embarrassment.

“Oh” you punctuate, lips parted slightly suddenly realizing exactly what was being offered to you “you think you can tire me out?”

“Only if you want.” he says, more confident now you hadn't outright rejected him

“Well I have been dying to see what’s under that armour”

“ You’ve seen it before”, and you couldn't wait to see it again.

“Not all of it”

“The helmet stays on,” he asserts.

“Not what I was referring to.” He stands there for a moment unsure how to proceed, not wanting to have misread the situation. “Well are you just going to stand there or are you not a man of your word?” That’s all the encouragement he needs.

“You want me to stop at any time, you just say so cyar’ika”

Once again the Mandalorian was right ; he was able to tire you out. Neither of you say anything after both at a loss for words, and not wanting to ruin the moment by saying the wrong thing. You fall asleep with his arm wrapped securely around your waist, as the other runs up and down your back. His heartbeat lulling you into a deep sleep, his presence managing to stay off any nightmares, at least for now.

He stays with you long after you’ve dozed off watching your back rise and fall in time with your breathing, he thanks the gods you were finally resting. He intently studies the faint purple markings covering your body, wondering how long they'd been there. His hand then tracing over the scars on your back, he wants to know how you got them. He wanted to know everything. Once this was all a distant memory he’d ask, if you chose to stick around that is. Knowing you won't want to find him in your bed when you wake up, he slides his arm from your waist and quietly, so as not to wake you, he puts his clothes back on. Re-donning his armour he heads back upstairs to check on the ship.

Your body shivers inadvertently at the loss of heat and your eyes slowly open. The room’s still dark, but the Mandalorian had gone. He must have left sometime in the night presumably his way of telling you it was a one off. Knowing Din to be a man of few words you knew talking about what had just happened was fully off the table. You sit up and stretch out, allowing your elbows to pop and your shoulders to crack as you roll them out, feeling a way that you hadn't felt in months. Well rested. Making your way over to the fresher you allow the water to wash over you removing any remaining scent attributed to the Mandalorian. After dressing you head up to the cockpit, slightly bow legged from the night before. You’d had your fair share of lovers and for a human, he was very well endowed and very eager to please.

“How far” you ask brushing any thoughts about last night from your head as you shoo Anya off your seat.

“You’re up sooner than I thought.” He says looking at you. He’d noticed the slight stagger in your walk causing him to smirk under the helmet, but the smile fades when you don’t look down.

“How far are we?” you ask again, picking up Anya who’s refused to move of her own volition.

“Close. About last night” he starts, wanting to make sure everything was okay, and that you weren’t regretting what had happened.

“ Look, we don’t have to talk about it. I know it wasn’t a big deal.” You say.

“It may not be a big deal for you.” you don't know why, but you take that tone as being pointed, referring specifically to your time spent in the rings.

“Why? because I've slept with half the galaxy? Something I did in order to survive an environment let’s not forget you put me in?” you spit out

“ No, I-I didn’t mean,” he starts. It's the first time you've ever heard him stumble over his words.

“ You never do.” You say, shutting him up for the remainder of the trip.

“Dropping out now.’ He says, 5 days, that's how long it had taken to get to where you were going, whoever was on the planet was committed to not being found, or at least committed to having you as sleep deprived as possible.

You step out with the Mandalorian close behind you, the planet's surface reflecting the ship's underlights back into its metal exterior. The mirrored rock had sprouted out into various forms and sharp geometric shapes, resulting in a beautiful, but sinister skyline.

“You sure this is the place? Doesn't look like any living thing could survive here.”

“Yes, I can sense a disturbance. You stay here with Anya.” you say placing a hand on his chest plate.

“No way.” Din responds

“I have to do this alone. It's too dangerous for you.”

“For me?” he says in disbelief.

“Wait here if i'm not back within the hour, leave.” You state ignoring his last question.

“ I'll give you two for good measure” he offers, holding out a blaster for you to take.

“It won't help.” You say pushing it back towards him before pulling up your hood and setting off into the unknown. Once he's sure you're out of sight, he follows you.

You close your eyes, letting your senses lead you through the sharpened planet careful not to cut yourself on the dark obsidian refelcting blurred images of the stars. A rock snaps under your foot and your eyes open. A voice calls out to you, uttering your name.

“Who are you.” you ask aloud, turning to face the cloaked figure who stands before you.

“ That is not important” he answers, lips not moving. Telepathy. So that’s how he'd gotten into your head.

“You tried to kill me I think it's at least relevant.” You return in thought.

“You came alone.” he asks, yellow eyes darting from side to side, despite the power this figure held you send a nervousness harboured deep within him, perhaps you should have brought the Mandalorian along with you.

“ Yes” you lie, hoping your force was strong enough to shield the bounty hunter.

“Good.” he snarled.

“Why did you kill me.” you ask not wanting to beat around the bush

“To see if I could. I needed to see your abilities, you’re stronger than I thought if you brought yourself back to life. The empire is rebuilding”, he offers not clearing the situation up in the least

“The empire died with Palpatine, they’re nothing but warmongering desolates now” you say shaking your head, not believing you had flown halfway across the galaxy for this.

“That’s what they have told you. We have been growing an army, led by the spirit of the emperor. We are seeking those with your abilities to help us rebuild.”

“You’ve lost your mind. The Sith were defeated long ago, the Jedi with them.” You turn to leave, no longer fearing this man, he holds no power over you.

“No” he shrieks, the sound drawing your gaze back to him, the noise frightening you slightly “You cannot leave. You cannot go. You will join us and rebuild a stronger galaxy.”

“I have no interest in joing a cult of fear and genocide.” you state calmly.

“It is more than a cult I offer you, something much better, power.” he was getting desperate, a few more days without sleep and you may have fallen for it.

“Power to what? Give you all the blood in my body so you can commit futile experiments on innocent people. You cannot create force sensitivity nor can you push it on someone who it has not chosen. Join you? No, I'll have to pass. Death and destruction will not be my path.”

“Not yet, but it will be. I see it in you, the pain, the sadness, the loneliness, that will all disappear once you join us.”

“Over my dead body” You say drawing your sabre. A violent clash of red and purple ricochet off the mirrored rock, lighting up the shadowed planets.

“Your grandmother trained you well.” He exclaims.

“ If you knew her then you should know that i'd never turn” You continue the fight. Managing to back him into a rock wall. Holding saber at his throat the light purple hue gleaning in the yellow irises beneath his hood.

“I understand why you ambushed me, not much of a fighter are you.” you snarl, pushing the saber into the robe, the scent of burning fabric filling the air. Then you feel it, the pulse of the fibers interwoven throughout the galaxy, something’s amiss. Something else appears under the glow of you saber, yellowed teeth, smiling under the light. You release him pushing yourself back, he wants you to kill him.

“ Do not fear it, I have seen this moment. It is what begins your reign”

“No” you say aloud to yourself, “No” you repeat turning off the saber and turning to leave.

“If you let me live, I kill the man with you.”

The Mandalorian whose been watching from afar hasn’t heard a word spoken in a while, watching you move towards him he thinks it must be over, whoever this person was, Sith or not, you must have come to an agreement. He almost walks out from his hiding spot when you stop dead in your tracks. He sees you look up, your eyes meeting his but only for a moment, before you pivot back to face the man.

“There’s…” you start.

“Don’t play me for a fool child, I have been playing this game long before you were even a thought in your mothers pretty little head. I know he is here. I know what you feel for him. You kill me and in time you will betray him, but you’d rather that, than lose him altogether.”

There's no thought process, no decision to make. With a flick of your wrist you throw the saber. You watch as it slices through the Siths neck before returning to your hand. You close it as his head tumbles to the ground. If Ashoka's words were a warning this, this was an omen. You had made a choice and now a path of irredeemably evil was laid before you. A path you were not prepared to drag anyone else down.

“I know you're there” you say after composing yourself. “I told you not to follow me.” You say making your way to the Mandalorians hiding spot.

“Are you alright? What did he say to you?” he asks, reaching a hand out for your arm.

“Nothing.” You say dodging him. The less he knew the safer he'd be. You weighed your options in your head on the walk back, but you knew there was only one way to avoid harming anyone. You had to hide away, become anonymous. Fall back into legend, never to be seen again. It was the only way Grogu would be safe, it was the only way Cara would be safe, it was the only way Din would be safe. As the ship takes off you say three words that would change everything.

“Take me home.”

“We're on route to Hoth now,” he says reassuringly.

“No, take me to my home. Grogu is back and safe. Our deal is done. Our alliance is over” You say, eyes plastered to the windshield.

“What did he say to you?” Din stresses, but you don’t answer. Silence was the only way to stop him from convincing you to stay.

“Don’t shut me out” he says slamming his hand on the panel. You don’t flinch, you don’t even look up. “We can figure this out together.” He says softly, if you hadn’t known any better you would have thought he was pleading with you.

“You’ve done enough. Take me home. If you don’t the force will.” He resets the GPS coordinates before standing up and dropping downstairs. Anya muzzles into you as you let out a sigh blinking back the tears you felt forming.

[arsenicpanda]

Bughead Appreciation Day 1 Except It’s Day 2

So I spent yesterday nice and cozy in bed and put this off (good choice, tbh, I was very snug as a bug), but now, now comes the time for me to gush about some people in the fandom!  This is definitely not a comprehensive list, I have absolutely left some people out because I am very forgetful, but, in no particular order and under a cut because I’m a wordy bitch:

@tory-b: A delight and a dear, leading writer of monsterfucker!Betty, co-runner of @riverdaleprideandjoyzine, a legend and a friend, we have no choice but to stan.  Her stuff is so good and varied and just *chef’s kiss* a delight, two favorites of mine are Fangs/com/Match (Betty/dragon!Jughead meet via monsterfucker Tinder, has some great friendship moments with Kevin and Veronica and is v sexy and funny, features the horniest Betty) and Sticky Sweet Serenade ((past)-friends-to-enemies-to-lovers bughead, mixes up some statuses in Riverdale, excellent mystery, I remember reading it and going, “holy shit, a believable take on Northside!Jughead”).  I’ve also gotta mention Whats in a Name? (Betty and Jughead meet on tumblr, Betty writes poetry and Jughead is a shitposter, they slowly connect, it’s great) and To Balance the Scales (scientist!Betty/mermaid!Jughead, currently a slow build, I cannot wait for you guys to see the excellent worldbuilding she’s done).  I could keep going, or you could binge all her fics today, an excellent use of your Saturday, I assure you, because I’ve left a lot out.

@stillhidden: Always good for some great thoughts on the show, one of the best reasons for my your thoughts on Riverdale please show them to me tag, I get psyched every time I see a Riverdale text post or ask answer because I know I’m in for a good time.  Thoughtful and funny and nice, what a combo!

@satelliteinasupernova: So talented!  Author, artist, co-runner of @riverdaleprideandjoyzine, funny, haver of good thoughts on Riverdale is there anything she can’t do?  No, there is not.  Every time I see her art I’m like !!!, the colors! how well-drawn the hands are! the accuracy of their hair! the backgrounds! the way I can see the love in their eyes! I cannot even, there are no words.  Also!  Her fics!  So original!  One of my earliest memories in the fandom is reading The town called Riverdale (a sort of mystery about the meta fuckery going down in Riverdale, explores time loops, stories that control lives, the roles the Archie characters are “supposed” to have, a mash-up with concepts in Princess Tutu that requires zero knowledge of Princess Tutu) and going !!! is this a Princess Tutu mash-up?  Have I been #blessed enough to see a mash up between Riverdale, a story that fucks with archetypes, and Princess Tutu, one of the shows about fucking with archetypes and the way stories ontrol lives?  I was and I am and I raved to my non-fandom but Princess Tutu liker friend about it.  Has also wonderfully tackled eldritch horror in return to Eldervair and gothic horror/romance in The Lady of the Manor, does fluff, does angst, does it all, so go check her out!

@go-ldy: An angst and time skip queen, tbh, and always has some great thoughts on Riverdale, another reason I’m glad I have that tag.  Every time she answers an ask, I’m like, “Yesss, incoming Good Thoughts, I am HERE for this”.  But do not sleep on her as an author!  Into the Deep is some delightful dark!bughead, and I’ll walk with you in the shadows is such good time skip angst and a mystery and there’s a certain surprise I love but is a spoiler but you simply must read this, you must.  The Time after Time series is giving us that good angst bughead content that season 5 is not going to, and I’m so glad it exists and just thrilled that she trusted me to beta it.  I’m leaving a lot of stuff out though, so you should go check her out!

@milajovovich: One of the best gif makers in the fandom, I will fight you on this.  Makes absolute miracles with footage, the way she makes season 4 webrips look like they’re actual blurayrips is godly, they’re so crisp and so smooth and the coloring is always great.  And like, jesus, the way the bluray footage looks?  Fucking outstanding, the talent is off the charts.  Go marvel at their gifs, go, go.

@imreallyloveleee: A prolific, talented author and funny to boot!  loveleee is one of the people who has been here since the beginning, a mainstay in the fandom, and we are so, so lucky she hasn’t left.  How do I even begin to rec you some of her stuff?  She can write smut with fics like burn, baby (a 3x16 missing moment of bughead fucking in the car as the trailer burns, what a gift to the fandom, I can’t even), is queen of pining with fics like boy problems (season 1 post 1x05 canon divergence, a bughead get together but with that quality pining) and her i’m just a shot away series (two fics, one from Jughead’s POV and one from Betty’s, that are fully of pining and sexual tension and miscommunication and major teenage vibes, you gotta read them), and writer of one of the funniest fics in the fandom and one of my favorite, like spirits in the night (the core four + Kevin perform a seance to contact Jason Blossom and yes, it is just as funny as it sounds, perhaps even funnier).  And there are countless others, so settle in and go check her out because she does it all, fluff and angst too, I just don’t have time to rec them all.

@meditationonbaaal: Absolutely one of my all-time favorite fic authors, like across fandoms, the talent, I cannot even properly describe it, like the quality of the prose, amazing, iconic.  the devil’s daughter (a season 2 rewrite with some differences in season 1, jumps back and forth through time in the best way, has the best and creepiest dark!Jughead, has some great smut that includes dom!Betty and dom!Jughead can you believe we are so blessed, such a good rewrite of season 2, and you know how I love season 2, so that is some high praise, let me tell you) is easily in my top 10 all-time favorite fics across the many, many fandoms I’ve read many, many fics of, and you simply must check it out, you will not be disappointed.  develop, stop, fix just blew me away as a kink week fic of bughead playing with bdsm in a dark room, the layers, the smut, the trust, the feelings, I cannot even.  And doll parts!  doll parts is so good, just such an amazing take on drop dead gorgeous, a fabulous Jughead and Betty as per usual, dare I say even better than an already fantastic movie.  I am behind on loose lips sink ships, but I can already tell it’s going to be a great exploration of the Stonies and a great take on season 4.  Keep an eye on her stuff here and here, do not miss out!

@dieqohargreeves:  An icon and legend in gif making, just makes the most beautiful and intricate and creative gifs.  The coloring is amazing, the techniques are amazing, that shit is Art, I will fight you on this.  You gotta check ‘em out, you just gotta, I can’t do their work justice.

@sullypants:  The wit!  The humor!  The observational skills!  The talent, my god!  Sully is the genius behind @bettycooperoutfitwatch and @riverdalearthistory as well as a fabulous writer of both meta and fic, yet another excellent reason for me to keep up with others’ thoughts on Riverdale.  Her a comic miniverse series is so funny and sweet and such a great take on the Archie Comics version of bughead, and the after-party series (Betty and Jughead attend a, well, prom after party, and the events that happen, and I am not doing it justice, but it is v good, I promise) has such a great vibe and such great characterization.  And young adult friction (librarian!Jughead is in a kind of competition with librarian!Betty, it’s so funny and so great) is such a delight, and we do not have time to get into everything great she’s written, but go check it out here.

@lilibug--xx: The queen of bughead smut, can you believe she has graced us with her stuff?  It is steamy and it is in character and it is amazing.  Dark Cherry Chutney is still a fandom favorite of mine, just some great dark!bughead who are unaware of each other’s darkness (but oh, they find out!) as well as some excellent smut.  And Pressed for Time (Betty teasing Jughead with her skirts in an effort to get him to fuck her and he is barely holding on until he isn’t, alternating POVs in the best way) is sexy af but makes you work for it, it’s a delight.  And give you mine (Betty and Jughead fuck at work and it is so hot, I can’t even) is so goddamn good, just some of the best dom!Jughead out there.  Has also written monsterfucker!Betty, which you know I’m a fan of, in once upon a midnight (werewolf-hunter!Betty/werewolf!Jughead with sex pollen where she does not shy away from some wolfy-ness and it is hot af) and has written monsterfucker!Jughead, a rarity but always a delight, with reap what you sow (witch!Jughead/undine!Betty and Betty is so delightfully otherworldly and it is so sexy but also sweet), and there are countless other smut fics, we would be here all day if I went through them all, so you gotta check her out here.  One more thing though: she can also write fluff with Lemon Drops and Chocolate Chips, a sweet fic of Betty and Jughead as neighbors that you should definitely check out.

@thatiranianphantom:  Funny and thoughtful and talented and has correct opinions on musicals!  Writes such good explorations of post-4x17 (and post-4x17 adjacent) scenarios.  Like, the we are a masterpiece series is v good and so interesting, and no one else is singing my song is such great angst as a post-4x17 fic and a great use of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend songs.  I am forgetting a lot of stuff, I know I am, and I think I might be behind like a fool, so let’s go check out all her stuff together here, yes?  Yes.  Also?  Great for Riverdale speculation, especially about the season 5 musical episode.

@heartunsettledsoul:  So talented, queen of canon missing moments, and funny to boot!  I love reading her liveblogging of the episodes, and I cannot recommend her stuff enough.  Her Forgotten Moments series of canon missing moments is iconic, you must go read all of it, especially there’s witchcraft in your hips, a post-2x13 fic of Betty and Jughead being such teenagers and Jughead being a dweeb about his cheerleader girlfriend and I am not doing it justice but you gotta go read it, man, you gotta.  But the series is full of gems from the beginning with Midnight Silence (Betty and Jughead talk post-1x04 about the Grundy debacle and it’s such a delight) and going all the way through to the most recent it might’ve been a nightmare (a 4x12 through 4x16 fic that gives me a wide range of emotions and is fantastic) and your eyes look like coming home (Betty’s diary entries throughout season 1, simply inspired).  But she’s also so good at AUs!  a dark world aches (for a splash of the sun) is already looking so good as a bughead mystery with some varchie fun on the side, just some quality core four content, and won’t be the same (if you’re not here with me) is a favorite of fake dating, Christmas, and there was only one bed, just the best tropefest.  And there are so, so many more, so you must check her out here.

@lovedinapastlife: She writes such a variety of AUs, I am just in awe of them all!  The talent, I am amazed.  The dark!bughead in The Society is peak dark!bughead with a simply iconic yandere!Betty, and you are seriously missing out if you have not read it yet.  Oh, and there’s some more dark!Jughead with a side of dark!Betty in the key to harm(ony) that you must check out because it’s such a great ride and is sexy, what more could you want?  Every movie AU she does really takes the source material and makes it her own from works You Drive Me Crazy (but I'm gonna keep on loving you), based on Drive Me Crazy and definitely better than the movie, to the most recent to all the boys (but especially you), based on To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and just so sweet.  But also can write otherworldly fics like Heart’s Desire with genie!Betty and The Second Coming with fae!Jughead, as well as regular aus like Detention (Betty and Jughead in detention and it gets a little sexy but also quite cute), and pure porn like Eye of the Beholder (Betty and Jughead as sorcerers who hook up over sorcerer Tinder and it is sexy but also sweet), as well as some of the best ABO in fandom with her A/B/O Mine series (alpha!Jughead/omega!Betty in high school and holy shit is it hot as hell).  I am only just skimming the surface here, so definitely go check her out!

@kyloren aka @jughead-jones:  Mila is so talented at making gifs, like goddamn, and also so funny, but I bet you didn’t know that she also has written some damn good fic!  She hides it, but it is out there and it is very good, my favorite being let me hang my hook on your splendor, a fandom fave of a Scooby-Doo au that is so much more thoughtful and clever with its casting, and also very amusing, you must check out the rest of her stuff here.

@elizabethbettscooper: A delightful person and a delightful writer who is largely retired from the bughead fandom but still such a talent, like seriously.  Her Twin Peaks Riverdale AU The Past Dictates the Future is so good, you simply must check it out, like you must.  And yours was the first face i saw is such a fun AU of “what if Betty’s crush on Archie was a front for her crush on Jughead”, you must go read it.  And holy shit, her i may be bad (but i’m perfectly good at it) series is peak dom!Jughead/sub!Betty taking place when they’re in college and fucking in so many varied ways, like if you are into that, you must go read these fics, you must, you will have a great and sexy, sexy time.  And there’s so much more good stuff, you gotta go read it all here.

@bettycreeper: She does so much for the fandom and she makes such gorgeous gifs!  Like, the coordination she does on the @bugheadfamily server and @bugheadfanfictionawards and @riverdale-events and probably elsewhere cannot be understated, she is such a valuable presence in the fandom.  And have you seen her gifs?  Gorgeous quality, just gorgeous, and her movie poster gifs for fics are simply inspired.  Also?  She’s an amazing beta, just outstanding.

@stillscape: A very thoughtful person and excellent writer who I can’t seem to tag.  Dianthus Caryophyllus is still one of my favorite fics in the fandom, a high school bughead fic with some amazing pining from Jughead with an oblivious Betty, I can feel it, it’s so good.  And of course there’s Ninia, an amazing take on the soulmates trope, just so good, I cannot do it justice, you must check it out.  The for the life of me series is also such a good AU for Betty and Jughead getting together pre-Riverdale at a summer internship, I have such fond memories of it.  And la peste (the plague)!  So good, I cannot even.  We don’t have time for everything, except you should make time and go check all of it out here.

@theheavycrown:  God, where would we be without Sarah?  She does so much work for the @bugheadfamily and @bugheadfanfictionawards and @riverdale-events and @riverdalecentral and I’m probably forgetting some, tbh.  And so sweet and talented!  Her gifs are fantastic and so are her fics.  Like, Rain Comes Down (Betty and Jughead fucking in the car on the side of the road while cars drive by)?  Iconic, some amazing exhibitionism.  you had me howling(Betty in heat in the woods and then Jughead finds her and fucking ensues)? Fantastic ABO, so horny, so desperate.  Beneath the Silver Moon Rising?  Excellent dom!Jughead, excellent sexy times.  You must go check out all of her stuff here, you must.

@50shades-of-bughead:  Just some of the absolute cutest art that you must check out, especially their series of dark!bughead that is just fantastic.

@thepointoftheneedle: The variety of work here is phenomenal, the talent, I cannot.  Took my ridiculous double fake marriage/draft-dodging concept and turned it into an excellent, thoughtful period piece with phenomenal characterization and a great mystery with Never No Locomotive, I cannot recommend it enough.  And Ghosts and Clouds and Nameless Things (ghost!Jughead/grieving-dead-Jughead!Betty with a side of mystery) gave me so many emotions, I think I almost cried, and I am not a crier, I assure you.  Hey Pixie Dream Girl, I’m Coming for Your Man! (Betty in her bookstore saves Jughead from his date with a Manic Pixie Dream Girl) is so delightfully funny, and Sunflowers (Betty and Jughead share a working space and fall in love) is so goddamn cute.  I have actually found myself behind on her work, which is a crime, it all looks so amazing and I know it will be, and you must check all of it out with me here.

@hellodinoflower:  Such an amazing presence in the fandom, such a delight, so clever and funny.  She ran @bugheaddrabblechallenge this past summer and gave us all so much joy in the process, and, while her fics are deleted now (as is her right), I promise you that they were amazing, you all missed out if you slept on her.  She’s such a great follow, you gotta follow her.

@bluevelvetvideo:  A delighful soul, great character insight, great writing.  Like, her smut is fantastic, have you read Arsenal (a double feature of Betty and Jughead fooling around in public and then having some sexytimes back in private with some quality dom!Jughead, let me tell you, v steamy)?  Because you should.  Christmas Lights (Jughead ties Betty up with their Christmas lights, it’s fantastically sexy) is a delight, and you can’t blame gravity (for falling in love) is a very fun take on soulmates and soulmarks, and you simply must go read it.  She is a master of smut, let me tell you, and you must check out all her stuff here.  Also?  An excellent beta, 10/10, I’m so lucky to have her.

@a-true-janian-reply:  Very funny, has excellent thoughts on Riverdale!  Like, truly, every time I see an original text post or a reblog from her, I am PSYCHED because it’s always going to be SO GOOD.

@writeradamanteve:  Such great talent across genres, really impressive.  Drive (illegal drag racing Betty and college student but former-ish Serpent Jughead, just fantastic) is one of my earliest fandom favorites, I remember excitedly telling my non-fandom friend about it because I thought it was so clever, and we all know how good Daemon Bound is, yes?  Yes, I’m sure we do.  Let’s go make sure we’ve read all her stuff here.

@thugheadjones:  Has some great insights, some great responses to dumb anons, and some fantastic art, like holy shit, I cannot even.

@bugggghead:  A delightful soul, so nice, so talented.  Writes some amazing smut, like, have you read intimately acquainted (alpha!Jughead/omega!Betty, meeting up on an app to help Betty with her heat in a heat retreat, four chapters of excellent smut)?  Because you should if you’re even kind of interested in ABO.  And en pointe is the bughead knifeplay fic of dreams, you gotta check it out.  And there are so many other ones, we do not have time to cover them all.  She also does cute fics, btw, and Message Me (fanfic-author-who-is-actually-the -real-author!Jughead/gif-maker-and-fangirl!Betty meet on tumblr and fall in love and it’s great) is such a delight, definitely go check it out.  In fact, go check out all her stuff here.  Also a fantastic beta, I really owe her for that.

@heavy-lies-the-crown:  A talented soul who has written so much high quality fic, from the hilarious red ribbon winner (a Christmas fic comedy that I cannot describe well but I assure you is both hilarious and sweet) to the emotional and moving road to me (Betty and Jughead break up, find themselves, and come back together and it’s perfection) to the heart-ripping angst of apizza (a semi post-4x17-speculation fic of bughead together but apart at Yale and the way they will come back together and it is so good and so angsty) to many, many more.  You gotta go check it all out here.

@lurker-no-more:  Yet another funny person, we as a fandom are so blessed, you must check them out, you just must.

@iconic-ponytail:  Another excellent writer!  a revelation in the light of day is SUCH a great slowburn and  SUCH a great take on both FBI!Betty and Sheriff!Jughead and the two of them falling in love as adults.  Also, the side varchie is fantastic, and the mystery is amazing.  I have not yet checked out the nighthawks, but I already know it’s going to be good, I can tell, you can trust this author to be quality, so go check all of her stuff out here.

@soyforramen:  Funny!  Very funny!  Also?  Writes some great ficlets that are, I think, exclusive to tumblr, which is a tragedy, tbh, but as is their right.  But I do have the link to this genius fic about bughead and a platypus in honor of the platypus anon that was going around this summer.  Definitely go check them out!

And now I am very tired, I have used up my energy, and I am so sorry if I forgot anyone!

[selenacosmic]

The elite pt. 1

Hi! So, I would like to clarify some things here. The OCs that will appear here are not mine, they belong to @sweettangy who posted about them in her side blog @ikesen-imagines-and-art where she posts HCs, arts and much more! Go see more of her content!

The Azuchi blades in the enemy side.

Sweet was nervous, this was her very first official mission as part of Azuchi’s elite. It was a big upgrade from “Royal jar opener”, to be part of the female warriors! She looked around her, seeing one of the warriors. Kitsuno was the most serious one, rarely would talk in the meetings or with anyone who wasn’t Nobunaga. She was a deadly beauty, fanning herself while riding her horse, Sweet knew she could be friendly, in her own way.

Next one was Asahi, the sunshine of Azuchi. Some would say that she was annoying, but she didn’t seem to care about it. At first, Sweet didn’t know why she was part of the elite, but soon she would see that her cuteness wasn’t the only thing she had. Finally, the master mind of their plans, Megohime. Smart, a great strategist, the mother of the group.

And then we have sweet, the strength of the elite, very good at fights. New in the Elite and was heading towards her first mission with them!

“So,” started Asahi “Where are we going anyway? You didn’t tell us.” She tilted her head cutely at Megohime, who sighed before looking forward.

“We are going to a daimyo’s town. There are suspicious gospels that he had timed up with Kicho.” Just the mention of the man’s name made Kitsuno’s face twist in slight anger, not that it was something clear to see.

Sweet was quiet, she didn’t know how to interact with them. Of course, she would speak to them in Azuchi sometimes, but in a mission? It was completely different. She moved her horse closer to Kitsuno.

“Just so that I am not lost... who is this man?” Kitsuno looked at her over her fan, not responding right away. Her serious gaze never changing, it was very rare for her to talk to anyone who wasn’t Lord Nobunaga. She closed her eyes, in thought for a moment.

“Our enemy.” Her voice was beautiful, yet very quiet. Sweet was still confused, but thought it was better not to persue. Who was this Kicho guy? Maybe it was better to wait for a better opportunity to ask.

Suddenly, Megohime stopped her horse, making the others stop as well. She dismounted and looked at the elite, she was ready to tell them their parts on this plan.

“This daimyo doesn’t accept any guests from anyone unless they are with a princess for alliances, to marry one of his sons. As I figured, none of us would want to pretend to be betrothed to one of them. So, we shall discard our status and work together with the maids.”

“Sounds like fun! We will be together with other girls!” Asahi said excited, dismounting her horse with Megohime’s help. Kitsuno didn’t need any help to land on the floor safely.

So, this was a mission where they would disguise themselves, Huh? But then, why did they stopped in the middle of the woods? Sweet reluctant dismounted her horse, following the girls as they came across a stable where their horses could stay.

“We need this time to change, their chatelaine will be receiving us to show the place.” The strategist said as she took maid uniforms from the bag that was in her horse. “Each one of you will investigate the place, take as much information as you can.”

“Question here!” Sweet raised her hand, blushing slightly when their gaze fell on her. “Okay, so... I am knew here, I just wanted to know who this Kicho guy is.”

“Ah, I forgot to tell you. Despite all of Lord Nobunaga’s enemies, he is the one we must be very careful. He is a dangerous man.” Megohime said, starting to give each of them a uniform.

“This will be a lot funnier than those war councils.” Asahi smiled brightly while hugging the clothes.

“I wouldn’t call it ‘fun’, but it is an actual mission after months without anything.” Megohime smiled back at Asahi, looking confidently at the rest of the Elite. “Let’s show them what we got!”

Sweet was very excited to actually be part of an army, and she was more than ready to kick some butts.

◹◸◹◸◹◸◹◸◹◸◹◸◹◸◹◸◹◸◹◸◹◸◹◸◹◸◹◸◹◸◹◸◹◸

Continue...

This was more of an introduction than anything else. I hope you like it!

To the owner of the OCs, if there is anything that is not accurate to a certain character, anything that made you uncomfortable, let me know, I hope you like it!

[evengayerpanic]

Hello! First of all, love your fics. ♥️ Waiting patiently for the next chapter of Trains and Paasengers.😊 Is it okay to give a writing prompt? Hahaha! Like how Ellie and Aster's world will collide with Will and Vivian's. :) Maybe they're in the same city and they needed a doctor or even Ellie becoming a doctor under the guidance of Will. Or even the art world will introduce Aster to Vivian. Hahaha they just seem cute together and all the gut feels it will bring.

Writing prompts are always welcome to give, thank you so much for your kind words about my work! I should have the last chapter of Trains and Passengers up in a few days or so! I really hope that you enjoy what I’ve done with your prompt! It was a lot of fun to write, I adore Wil and Vivian, Alice Wu does an amazing job making her characters come to life.

_________________

“Tell me again who we’re having dinner with, baby, one of your students?” Wilhelmina Pang peered over towards the bathroom where her beautiful wife was half-dressed, desperately trying to finish curling her hair and applying the last touches of her make-up.

Vivian Shing looked up in the mirror, making eye contact with Wil as the latter did the buttons of her blouse up, rolling her sleeves just slightly - the way Vivian liked it. “Aster Flores.” She replied, setting down her curling iron and reaching for the tube of lipstick. “She’s the painter we hired to do the magic forest backdrops for our spring recital.”

“I see.” Wil smirked, adjusting her collar, before moving to Vivian’s side as the woman struggled to reach behind her for the zipper. “I got it, sweetheart.”

Vivian beamed, turning to face her wife with a blush of gratitude as Wil did her dress up for her. “I think you’ll love her, she’s a fantastic painter. She’s so very innovative, and she is just absolutely brilliant.”

“You used to think that I was brilliant, too.” Wil teased.

With a teasing grin, Vivian leaned in until she was pressed against her wife, faces inches from each other. “Yes, that was before you became a Mother. Now you’re boring, and no fun... I mean our bed time is nine-thirty at night, just how lame is that?”

“You’re the one who falls asleep during Jeopardy.”

“You’re the one that makes me watch Jeopardy, no wonder I fall asleep, Wil.” Vivian smiles, leaning up and kissing her wife’s nose gently, pulling back to look at her. “You aren’t jealous, are you, my love?”

Wilhelmina shakes her head, but it isn’t convincing.

“She’s twenty-two, and we’re going to dinner with her AND her girlfriend, you have nothing to worry about.”

Wil makes a face that Vivian can’t help but laugh at. Her voice playfully hurt-sounding as she protests. “I wasn’t worried anyways.” Her face grows soft as she wraps her arms around Vivian’s waist and draws her in closer. “Besides, you’re mine, even if I have to chase you down in an airport again to keep you here.”

Vivian laughs, brushing the lock of hair that fell from Wil’s ponytail behind her ear. “This time you better kiss me then when I ask you too.” She teases her.

Right before Wil can remind Vivian of all the times she’s kissed her since then, the door bursts open and three little bodies race into their bedroom, practically jumping at each other as they dive on Wil and Vivian.

“Mama! Bowen is teasing me!” Wilhelmina is pounced on by her four year old daughter, the little girl wraps her arms around her mother and wails into her.

“Nuh uh!” The six year old boy immediately retorts, shaking his head as his twin copies his movement.

“She’s telling a fib!” Bence, always the one to escalate the situation, immediately yelps. He sticks his tongue out at his little sister if only to prove her right.

Vivian sees this and immediately scolds him, a warning in her voice as she gives him the look that only mother’s can give. “Bence, leave Mei alone.”

The boy sulks, but only for a moment as Wilhelmina reminds their three young and rambunctious children gently, “You better be good, Nai Nai is coming to watch you, and she’s bringing Caihong.”

The children immediately stop bickering and begin to cheer. While Nai Nai is not their favourite grandma (they claim that their Lao Lao is nicer), all three children absolutely adore their Mama’s little sister Cai.

As Caihong has gotten older, she’s less inclined to play with her niece and nephews, instead choosing to be with her friends. However, Wil and Vivian plan on being out late tonight, and there’s no way that Wil’s Mother would leave her twelve year old unattended at night, so the child has to come along to babysit.

Wilhelmina is happy for her kids, but also feels bad for her poor sister who’s likely going to be delegated to being the children’s play toy for the entire evening.

Vivian smiles at Bowen and Bence, sitting down on the edge of the bed and letting the two boys climb into her lap to press kisses to her cheeks, waving Mei over as well so that Wil can finish tying her tie.

“So what’s the girls name?” Wil asks, her ears perking up as their doorbell rings and the children all sprint towards it excitedly. “The name of your painter?”

_________________

“Aster Flores!” The brunette young woman perks up, holding her hand out to Dr. Wilhelmina Pang with an earnest smile. “And this is my girlfriend, Ellie Chu!”

Wil takes her hand and shakes it, before turning to shake the other girls hand as well. “Nice to meet you, Aster. My wife speaks highly of you and your work.”

The young woman blushes slightly as Ellie responds for her. “Aster has plenty of good things to say about Vivian as well. She really enjoys working with her.”

The two women nod their heads at each other, before Wil tries to spark up a conversation. “So what do you do for work, Ellie, are you a painter as well?”

“Oh no.” Ellie stammers. “I’m nowhere near talented enough to paint like Aster does, I’m a junior editor.”

Wilhelmina looks at Ellie like she understands exactly what she’s talking about. “I know. Sometimes when I see Vivian dance, I feel like I’m super untalented.”

Ellie immediately perks up. “I once saw Aster paint a meadow of flowers in about four hours!” She pauses hesitantly. “Sometimes I can barely correct the mistakes in an article in that amount of time.”

The two women begin to gush about how talented the loves of their lives are, excusing themselves to go grab the ladies a drink. Aster and Vivian watch after them, amused smirks settled on both their faces.

“So I think I just noticed something...” Vivian trails off as the women get further away, matching white button-ups and near identical hair styles making it difficult to tell where Wil ends and Ellie begins.

Aster nods her head, feeling a little like she’s in the twilight-zone as the women both cringe when the male bartender speaks to them. She can tell they’ve just been hit on from the way that Ellie - or wait, maybe it’s Wil - she can’t tell from a distance due to the outfit they both decided to wear despite having never met before, steps back and Wil - or maybe it’s Ellie - hesitantly hands over the money for the drinks. “We’re dating the same person, aren’t we?”

“Well not exactly...” Vivian trails off, hearing Wil and Ellie both begin to awkwardly laugh at the bartender and also laugh a little at themselves. “I think that I’m technically married to the person that you’re dating.”

Aster wordlessly holds her hand out to Vivian, a small engagement ring sitting on her finger, her mouth still slightly open as she watches the two interact. Finally she turns slightly to Vivian. “She surprised me last night with this ring, so we’re engaged now.”

Vivan’s eyes widen, both at Aster’s news but at the fact that the two are getting along like they’ve known each other forever, despite it being less than five minutes. “Congratulations Aster! I’m so happy for you both...” She pauses again as the girls turn to walk back to them with drinks. “This is still really weird though.”

Aster nods in agreement. “Definitely weird.”

_________________

“And then I had to tell Paul that just because he has a key to our place, doesn’t mean he can come over unannounced and not expect to see something he doesn’t want too.” Ellie rolled her eyes as the table started laughing, Aster going pink in the ears.

“My Mom and neighbour Jay are like that, they’ve definitely walked in on a few things that they regret.” Wil smirks at Vivian, her wife smacking her in the arm lightly with a laugh as she also blushed with Aster.

“We took both of their keys away.” Vivian admits.

The four of them enjoy a nice dinner together, a few bottles of wine are opened and the conversation is all over the place; anecdotes from all four of their careers, full rants about how people treat lesbians and bisexual women, and even a few comments about the children that Vivian and Wilhelmina have.

It’s nice being able to talk to the younger couple about the process they went through with the kids, how Vivian carried the twins and then Wil was the one pregnant with their youngest. It’s too early for Aster and Ellie to think about having kids, but they still seem interested in asking details for the future.

They even laugh about their significant others attention to details when it comes to decoration.

“I swear, Vivian gets so crazy about decor, she made me paint our daughters room about six different shades before it was finally the right colour!”

“Aster made me move all of our living room furniture three times until it ‘felt right’, I was exhausted!”

“Wil’s favourite colours are so muted, if it weren’t for the kids being around I think we’d look like we were living in a black and white movie or something!”

“I told Ellie to go find some art for our office, her only decorating job, she came back with a horse picture and an actual dogs playing poker painting.”

They laugh when hearing about Ellie and Paul’s antics in writing Aster love letters, the story much funnier now that the hurt and betrayed feelings are gone.

“So, here I am, getting proposed to by my high school boyfriend in my Dad’s church in front of the entire town, and Ellie, just decides to scream out, ‘No!’”

Ellie blushes bright red, embarrassment written clear over her face until Vivian comes to her defense slyly.

“I think it’s cute. This one...” She nudges Wil with her elbow playfully, a smirk on her face, “Wouldn’t even kiss me in a crowded airport to prove her love.”

Wil rolls her eyes back at her wife. “Baby, we’ve been married ten years and have three kids... We got over the airport thing! Besides, I’ve kissed you in plenty of airports since then.” She shares a look with Ellie.

“Two airports.” Vivian teases. “Once during our honeymoon, and then again last summer when we took the kids to Disney Land.”

Ellie glances back at Wilhelmina. “Don’t worry, when I proposed last night, Aster waited a whole two minutes looking around our apartment, before finally turning to me and saying she was waiting to see if anyone would scream ‘No!’ this time around.”

“Remind me again why we put up with this?” Wil glances back at Vivian, only to feel her heart swell like it did all those years ago, and she doesn’t even need to hear Ellie’s answer, but she still humours her.

“Because... Women.” Ellie answers plainly, her own heart swelling as she grabs Aster’s hand and squeezes it, the smile Aster gives her lighting up the room.

“Ah yes, women. Good reason.”

_________________

By the time dessert is over and the bill has been brought; Wil and Ellie have made plans to meet for dinner again the next time the loves of their lives are stuck at work, they’ve also planned to take the kids to a musical in a few weeks, Aster and Vivian not welcome to attend because they’re ‘judgey’.

“Last time we went to a play, you said the set looked like it had been painted by a five year old, Aster!”

“No, I said that I had done better at five years old.”

“You almost got us thrown out of Mei’s ballet class, I’m not letting you get us kicked out of this, Viv!”

“That woman was teaching our daughter all wrong!”

As they leave to return home for the night; Wilhelmina and Vivian to their hopefully sleeping babies, Aster and Ellie to their cat Idgie Threadgoode, there is a round of hugs and handshakes between the couples. Surprisingly, Ellie and Wil are the ones to hug, while Aster and Vivian laugh and shake hands.

“Hey, El?” Wil smiles as the younger girl opens the door for her fiancee. “I’m really glad that your fiancee paints really detailed and talented set pieces.”

Ellie smiles back. “And Wil? I’m really glad your wife is talented and creative enough to have created her own unique ballet so that my fiancee can paint her really detailed and talented set pieces.”

[prismcaster]

I just had the most amazing experience!!!

I am going to do a little back story here, because it has been quite a while since my last post...

So, my grandfather, who was the the only person in my entire 35 years of existence that I never felt the need to question if he really loved me. Any way, super long story, shortened because I don’t feel like getting into that right now, he passed away three months ago.

In the time since then, i began to question my choice of kicking spiritualism from my life. You see, since my father, i chose that purposefully, because calling him dad would insinuate that he ever truly gave a fuck about me, or my sister.... but anyway, he used and still probably does, use his religion as an excuse to punish his children for doing him wrong.... which is typical narcissistic behavior.

Which speaking of, i recently read a book called Narcissistic Father, and it literally explained him to me perfectly! It actually made the fact that he has something wrong with him mentally, make me feel so much better about myself somehow.... because well, it turns out, it really is his fault, and none of it is mine. So definitely check out that book!

So since I have all these odd feelings for him because of these things... I cast “religion” out of my life completely. I figured, religion had to be fake, because no religion would keep a parent from their child, so i cast it out 100%. It was so bad, i began to believe that when you die, you just go. I believed that when you go, there is nothing, it just ends, and that your body decomposes, giving it back to the earth you were born from, and that is that.

Then the depression came in. Because there is nothing. Nothing else. And if I couldn’t have my family back, the way i thought it should be, and that at the end of all this pain, there truly is nothing, then what is the point in being in pain forever? And contemplated suicide while laying in the floor in my art studio in complete darkness.

But i thought,” that’s stupid, you didn’t die from cancer and you’re thinking about this right now?! What the fuck, you idiot!” And i got up off the floor, switched the light back on, wiped the tears from my eye’s, and started to draw again. This eventually led to me cutting my arm open, and telling someone months later, and finally getting the help i needed to be able to get better.

Therapy was such a blessing. I truly recommend it. Talking about your problems with someone you are literally paying to listen to you, and paying to keep their opinions to themselves, is a blessing in and of itself. I also strongly suggest journaling. When ever i felt bad, i would write to myself... it helped me explain what i was feeling to myself so that i could finally start to process what was actually happening in my mind so that I could start to slowly solve my own problems.

As i did this, a strange sense of accomplishment came over me suddenly, as i realized that the saying is true, you have to create your own happiness, and also, that you have to love yourself if you ever hope to love anyone else.

So i kept working on myself, and one day, my sister mentioned to me that she had picked up a ouija board at a garage sale. Immediately, for some reason, i said, let’s do it! And we called our other sisters, and planned our first seance. The four of us went all out. We put white candles everywhere , took it very seriously, and experienced the magic of ouija for the first time.

Now, it took a while of hitting dead ends which what we were communicating with, but one day, the mother lode of insane things happened! My cousin came through the board, and after confirming neither of us were moving the planchette, and that this truly was who they said they were, i realized that the end isn’t really the end, but that there really is more, and my life started to change more and more.

I eventually decided that since I didn’t enjoy coloring any more, that I should make a coloring book instead, that way other people can color my art work, and make it their own.

Then, in the midst of this, I decided that I wanted to make my own ouija board, but not call it a ouija board.... so the google searches began.

My sister and I started a podcast, and i used that as an excuse to do an episode on the ouija board, as an excellent excuse to do deep dive research on the boards themselves.

Using this info, I knew I needed to make a spirit board, so I started to work on drawing a design, while also trying to figure out how to make it.

One day I realized “hey, i could make this design up on my ipad and turn the background off, and turn this into a png file, and cut it out with your cricut!”

So i immediately set to work on that, while still trying to figure out how to make them. Finally one day, i discussed this idea with my husband, and he suggested resin on wood. And so it began.

So far, i have made around 30 or maybe more, boards, and yet, i still do not have my own! Maybe some day! Anyway, so that was done and in progress, I left my job that was sucking me dry physically and emotionally, started pushing myself harder, was finally trying to live my life for me, instead of trying to live it the way i thought my father would have wanted me to.

I was truly happy.

And then my grandpa left us.

I collapsed hard. But I had to try to keep it together at the same time because my grandma needed me... my mom needed me.... and my sisters needed me. I fought it as long as i could.... but eventually i broke under the pressure, and re visited my therapist, whom I have decided I am just going to continue to see monthly just in case.

Turns out, I was handling grief the right way.... which I am sure surprised her a little, being as how she had diagnosed me with ptsd a few years prior.

Since his passing, i have not touched a board, or held a pendulum, and not because I am afraid he will talk to me.... but because I am afraid that he won’t. As a 100% Irish Catholic man, I am not sure if he would come through the board or not, although, i do think that he would think it would be funnier than hell to scare us.

I have however found something to believe in. Paganism. No judgements, no frills, just love, paganism, and I will never look back.

After I decided to “come out of the broom closet” so to speak, and openly declare that I am a magical being, things started changing fast...

I finished my coloring book, and most importantly, feel mentally healed. I can’t even begin to explain it, but I will try....

First, after grandpa’s passing, I realized I had learned a few things. For example, that you shouldn’t take those you love for granted, which is when i realized he was the only person who had shown me unconditional love my entire life, no matter what. I also learned from that, the passing of the person who took care of me like a dad, that all I was doing was punishing myself for something someone else did, and that I needed to stop. And you know why?! Religion!

The same damn thing that i tried so hard to keep out.

You see, my grandpa was a wonderful dude. In my entire existence, i never heard him say a negative word about anyone. And most notably, whenever he heard me say anything bad about anyone, he would tell me that I couldn’t change them, but I should say a prayer for them.

It was this phrase, which i had repeated to me over and over again, that now finally made sense after finally realizing the true power of religion. You see, I couldn’t change my father, but, I could change the way he effected me. So, i made a little testament outloud, i moved on.

But then i realized, that if that was the case with that, maybe I needed to be more open to the idea, of religion being legitimate. So i started some research again. But this time, as homework for the tribe I was planning to join. I researched goddesses, because If I was going to pick a deity to start working with, they had to be a strong female.

First up, came Athena. And i truly believe she has been with me, allowing me to get through all of my life’s battles, without me even knowing, for years.

I studied greek mythology in college because I was fascinated by it, and was floored by the parthenon, and the giant statue of Athena that stood inside, and even insisted on visiting the replica while in Tennessee for my sister’s birthday.

Coincidentally, it also turns out that she is the goddess if wisdom, arts, and crafts, so i knew she was the one for me.

Tonight, after my full initiation into the group, i went to the full moon ritual, and was asked some very prying questions by what I will refer to as the “mega crone” and I was forced to question a lot about my choices right then, in front of everyone, and ended up crying while explaining all of that to them , and not really all that well.

But i left there thinking that I needed to let go of the idea of needing to know everything, and just go with the flow.... knowledge is nice, but too much knowledge can have it’s downfalls as well. But also left me wondering how I ended up on this path.

So here i am, telling a long ass background story to get to the damn point!

I was feeling emotional after getting home, and decided to light a candle for my great aunt who is in the hospital, and try to meditate for a while.

Normally, when I try to meditate, I don’t feel anything, and also don’t normally see much, but It’s like I can envision it, even though I can’t actually see it... imagination! Which is something I had cast out of my life a long time ago as well.

So tonight i was ready. Whatever happened was going to happen.... and if grandpa communicated with me while i was meditating I would deal with the emotions and just go on. I turned on my favorite meditation video, and jumped right in... and it fuckin worked! I could feel the ground and see lights, it was so magical! I wish I could explain the trees!

Then, after i processed that I am magical, that I can truly take my own pains away, which set off a mini party if thoughts in my mind, i refocused, and realized that athena had actually been with me my whole life. She got me to grandpa somehow when he was living thousands of miles away, so that I could continue to see and feel what true love is. She was with me through the shit storm that was my youth... and stood with me as i learned to fight for myself, and get up.

It was right now that I realized I am truly magical.... i am loved.... i am perfect the way i am..... i am enough. And if anyone ever should stumble upon this ramble, and stuck with it until now.... know that you are all of those things too! And if you don’t agree, i hope maybe my path will inspire you to get to know yourself, and see what incredible, life changing things could be in store for you.

[robrpatz]

Robert Pattinson new interview in Elle Magazine ( March 2020)

ELLE: You started acting when you were 18 years old, and in 15 years you’ve made 34 movies (and won eight awards…). Why do stay so active? What moves you?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Now I have more fun making movies! The more I learn about how to do things, the more doors it opens to my mind. And the more comfortable you feel, the freer you’ll feel as well. I used to think in acting as a test, in which there was the possibility to fail. But when you stop thinking about the result…You never know if it will be good or bad, so the best thing is to enjoy it! And, as soon as you start behaving like that, everything becomes funnier.

ELLE: And, as you get older, maybe you can choose the roles you want to play and who you want to work with?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Yes. It happens when you get older and [you] do more projects. You can talk to the director. It’s more of creative collaboration. When you’re younger, you have that school mentality. Someone is telling you what to do and so you just feel like saying no all the time. But then you realize that they are all in the same boat. And that everyone wants to make a good movie!

ELLE: What would you say to the teachers who discouraged you from joining the theater club?

ROBERT PATTINSON: I’m glad they did. When I think about it now … At the time, I was so angry that I didn’t want to have anything to do with the arts at school. And then, I ended up getting an agent, which wouldn’t have happened if I had een a part of the school’s drama club. Sometimes having a little bit of resentment is pretty good. It gives you more fire [energy].”

ELLE: Do you really think that you managed to attract a more “male” audience, as some professionals in the field suggested after Cosmopolis?

ROBERT PATTINSON: To be honest, I never thought about an audience. But the first time I noticed that men accepted me better must have been with Good Time. And it was a little strange … But, again, it’s the same logic as the drama teacher. I liked it when the male audience said to me “Oh, you’re an idiot”, because it made me want to go to the fight! These things give you energy. What’s dangerous is not having enemies. We always need good enemy!

ELLE: Do you read reviews about you on the internet?

ROBERT PATTINSON: When a movie comes out? Yes.

ELLE: What about the bad ones, does it affect you or do you consider yourself strong enough to deal with it?

ROBERT PATTINSON: When I was younger, it affected me. But now … it’s a strangely addictive thing. Reading the bad reviews is more addictive than reading the good ones. You can read a hundred good ones and a bad and, I don’t know if that’s because of that, but now the bad ones don’t affect me anymore. Unless they involve someone else. If it’s just about me, I can take it.

ELLE: What if it’s about someone important to you?

ROBERT PATTINSON: It doesn’t happen much. And I think I can separate things well. It’s one of the advantages of not having an Instagram account. Access is cut off. I’ve always had a barrier and that’s why there’s no problem. It’s all just noise.

ELLE: You’re turning 34 soon and you’re going to be a part of the so-called Millennial. What does it mean to you? Do you recognize yourself as a member of that generation?

ROBERT PATTINSON: I think I’m another last stronghold of the previous generation. I don’t feel like a Millennial at all. Many of the things that people think are important, such as social networks … are not at all important to me. They annoy me. I don’t see what it is the reason to have, to publish, to take pictures of myself and put them online … It all seems crazy to me.

ELLE: You’ve made a lot of movies lately. Waiting for the Barbarians, The King (Netflix), The Devil All The Time, The Lighthouse and Tenet (currently being shot). How many scripts do you receive per month? It’s you who choose each role?

ROBERT PATTINSON: To be honest, I don’t receive that many scripts. Except when it comes to a director I really want to work with. When I’m not working, I read a lot of scripts, but right now… I find it very difficult to read a script when you’re working on another project. I cannot understand it completely. But I love to discover filmmakers that my agents don’t know about!

ELLE: And the movie you’re filming now, Tenet? Can you talk about it?

ROBERT PATTINSON: I can’t say anything about Tenet… nor about Batman! Anyways, I don’t know anything. I’m only starting Batman next year. We’re not even filming yet.

ELLE: After all the artistic films you’ve made, was it difficult for you to decide to be in a film like Batman?

ROBERT PATTINSON: No, I wanted to do it. In every new job, I’ve been trying to do the opposite of the previous one, to be able to surprise myself. And I don’t know why, but at the end of last year, I was thinking I really wanted to do a big movie. I hadn’t think about exactly what it could be, and then Chris Nolan and Tenet came in and Batman came out shortly after. I had been making small movies, I was already relatively comfortable in what I was doing for a while, I didn’t even get nervous anymore. Not even with Tenet, which is a great production. I think it was also because of the directors. I can totally trust Chris Nolan and Matt Reeves. They are very unique filmmakers to whom I would immediately say yes if I wanted to make a smaller film.

ELLE: Do you have to physically prepare to step into Batman’s shoes? Is that the reason why you’ve been running a lot lately?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Yes. As soon as I finish this job, I will immediately start intensive training. In fact, it is quite pleasant, because I have been doing so many hours in the Chris Nolan film that the idea of, for a few months, being really healthy, just doing physical exercise and sleeping seems like a real dream! I can’t wait! But yes, I’ve never been a big guy. So I have a certain curiosity about what it’s like to be.

ELLE: You’re the face of Dior Homme since five years ago. How did this colaboration started and what does it means to you?

ROBERT PATTINSON: I think it was before that. I met them in 2012. I wasn’t thinking about doing anything like this. But when I met them, I liked the team very much, the three people who talked to me at the beginning. They’re really cool. And Dior is Dior!

ELLE: That was your first ad? Is it the only one until now?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Yes. The only one! Basically, I really liked the way they presented the project to me. At the beginning, I wanted to work with Romain Gavras. And, at the first meeting, I asked: “Can we do it with Romain?” And they said “Yes, it’s a great idea!”. It’s great to work with Dior. I never went to the shows in Paris before, and I never even thought about it. But now I look forward to them every year. With Dior, I have all the glamor of acting, but without the hardest part! When you’re making a movie, you work 20 hours a day, you’re exhausted all the time. This collaboration is fast and very funny. It’s the best job ever!

ELLE: Do you like to discover underground artists? How was it to shoot the new Dior Homme campaign with the french avant-guard duo, The Blaze (Guillaume and Jonathan Alrie)? Have you met them before?

ROBERT PATTINSON: It was great! I met them in Cannes in 2017* (they were DJs at the Good Time party) and I was talking to them about making a movie together because their films are so cool. They know what performance is. And when it came to Dior, I didn’t even have anything to do with it. When I heard it, I thought, “Oh, this is great, because it’s a big ad, and they are quite unknown. something like that! Their music is great.

ELLE: There is a dance moment in the ad. It seems to be “possessed”. Any preparation?

ROBERT PATTINSON: A shot of tequila and nothing else! I was literally in the dark. I couldn’t see anyone around me.

ELLE: Do you like dancing, in real life?

ROBERT PATTINSON: I was always very shy to dance, so when I did that, my thought was,”Oh, I broke the curse. Now I can dance in front of people!” About two weeks later, I went to a party, everyone was dancing and I threw myself on the dance floor and it was like “Yes, it’s okay. You just have to dance!”

ELLE: How do you feel when you see yourself in a Dior outdoor?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Actually, I’ve never seen any! I’m always walking around airports and thinking,“ How is Johnny Deep’s here and not mine?” It’s always Johnny Depp! [Laughs] ” What beauty care do you have? A diet, a routine? “Yes, now, at 30, I really think about what I eat. I didn’t try very hard, I ate pizza at three in the morning, but… if you don’t eat well – especially when you’re always working – you can’t even survive.

ELLE: What’s the best way to turn off and relax?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Probably, running. As soon as you get used to running, I think it’s better than anything else. It clears the mind so much! But what I really like nowadays is finding ways to sleep better. I’m obsessed with sleep masks, meditation apps, essential oils… I LOVE those things!

ELLE: Do you have any sleep disorder?

ROBERT PATTINSON: A bit. I don’t take pills to sleep. But I love that moment when you fall asleep! So, I got a good sleep mask that helps me fall asleep anywhere. On set, I sit on a chair, put the sleep mask and fall asleep quickly … in front of everyone.

ELLE: Are you narcoleptic?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Maybe! [Laughs]

ELLE: And talking about music, what’s on your playlist?

ROBERT PATTINSON: I’ll see … (opens Spotify on his phone) … what have I been listening to … Oh [Message on the screen] … I didn’t pay my last bill … [Laughs] … changing my credit card … I’ve been hear a lot of Aretha Franklin and that sort of classic stuff. When I can!

ELLE: How would you define your style?

ROBERT PATTINSON: It depends. You know what? There is this thing about sneakers. I use these Adidas from a collaboration with Palace, which were made in 2015. They are no longer produced. And I use different pairs… I have about 20 pairs of these sneakers in all colors and I use them every day! And when some go bad, it’s scary, because there are only a few left. I already called the company to see if they had any extra stock they didn’t sell.

ELLE: Are you a kind maniac?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Yes, with these shoes. I wear the same pair of shoes for five weeks in a row, and I have an alert on eBay. Whenever my size appears, I buy it immediately!

ELLE: Today you’re fully dressed in black, but we’ve already seen you wearing extravagant clothes on the red carpet such as capes.

ROBERT PATTINSON: I didn’t think much about what I’m wearing today, but I like to wear crazy things, and I think that if I didn’t work with Dior, I would be a little more shy about using more extravagant pieces. With the collection created by Kim Jones, now it makes even more sense (Note: Pattinson was also the first Dior Homme ready-to-wear ambassador).

ELLE: Would you wear a colour such as pink?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Yes, I like the contrast, although a few year ago, when I shaved my hair, wore a lot more pink. When you have you hair dyed blond, long, seems like you’re in Miami Vice. But yes, if I had my hair shaved, I’d definitely wear skirts and stuff like that.

ELLE: What would you never wear?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Hum… I don’t like serious and perfect things. But I’ll probably wear then at some point of my career.

ELLE: You confessed ELLE that you obsessed with Kate Moss and Jane Fonda when you were young. Have you met them?

ROBERT PATTINSON: I met Kate Moss and was with her a couple of times, doing things for Dior. And I haven’t met Jane Fonda yet, but I’m still a huge fan of her.

ELLE: She is an activist like you, Robert. You are collaborating directly with GO Campaign. What does this NGO do?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Go Campaign improves the lives of orphans and vulnerable children worldwide by creating local partnerships and solutions. All the children have the right to have opportunities, education, medical care, food, water… Two of my friends worked for them and told me to go to an event, five years ago or so. They made an auction and built a school in Cambodja. It is a completely transparent and very efficient non-profit organization. Over the past five years, it has become much bigger than it was when I started working with them.

ELLE: And now there’s a Robert Pattinson School?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Yes! And the school has been growing every year. I’m really proud of it.

ELLE: What keeps you alive and motivated in general?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Actually, I only do things to have fun. Your body tells you how to live your life if you listen to it carefully. There were bad times. I watched Amy Winehouse’ documentary a few years ago. And Tony Bennett said something that touched me, “Life shows how to live, if you live enough”, or something like that, I can’t remember the exact quote. As you get older, the more your body tells what to eat, what to do, tells you everything. If you listen to it and pay attention! And if you’re not having fun doing a certain thing, stop. As soon as you start living like that, you start to feel always well.

ELLE: Where do you see yourself in ten years?

ROBERT PATTINSON: I would love to have a production company. There’s a part of me that would like to record an album- but I don’t know if it will ever happen. I like to make long-term plans. That is the key of happiness. That’s it and having plans for the future – everything you build is towards a goal. And you have to have those plans!”

ELLE: What was the strangest thing that happened to you?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Become an actor! The strangest thing in my entire life! I really don’t know how it happened.

ELLE: What do you like the most about your friends?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Positive attitude. I don’t like people who like to complain. It’s really boring.

ELLE: Your biggest flaw?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Pfff, none [Laugh]. Actually, how do you say it? Procrastinate. I postpone everything, really everything, until the last minute.

ELLE: Your idea of happiness?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Being in very creative places. I’m very happy in the initial stage of the work of a creative project before the problems start. When everyone is very excited.

ELLE: Your idea of unhappiness?

ROBERT PATTINSON: When people that I love are worried about something and I can’t help them. And repetitive things. Like being stuck in a circle with the same things always happening. That’s unhappiness to me. Like in that Bill Murray’s movie, Groundhog Day.

ELLE: If you weren’t Robert Pattinson, who would you like to be?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Probably a dog. I think I’ll be one in my next like, almost certainly.

ELLE: The heroes of you’re life?

ROBERT PATTINSON: As I get older, the more my parents are. But when I was younger, were a lot of rappers. They were the first people I saw who didn’t care about what people would think about them. It looked like they were showing the middle finger to everyone.

ELLE: Favourite cult movie?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Probably Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

ELLE: Favourite series?

ROBERT PATTINSON: The Wire. It is a tv series about a policeman and criminals in Baltimore.

ELLE: A director that you admire?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Claire Denis. I admire her a lot.

ELLE: Favourite book?

ROBERT PATTINSON: I’ve been reading a lot of Batman comics lately. I’ve also read a very good book by Christopher Hitchens called Mortality.

ELLE: Favourite dish?

ROBERT PATTINSON: Any type of pasta. I’m really boring when it comes to food. Maybe Spaghetti bolognese. More pasta than burgers.

ELLE: Ideal holidays?

ROBERT PATTINSON: An extreme or the other. Doing something with lots of activities, like climbing or going to the beach and do absolutely nothing, with no one around me.