#Apparently this game is the longest one in the series by quite a bit so it might take me a few days even if I'm going at it nonstop

[krafterwrites]

Ok let's go, time to start Yakuza Infinite Wealth!

[rayman-chibi]

Introducing a side-story to my Rayman Chibi AU: Dolphins with Laser Eyes!

"Dolphins with Laser Eyes" is a parody series based on "Captain Laserhawk: A Blood Dragon Remix". This story changes things to retell the original in a much more humorous way while also changing the characters a bit to be more in-line with their game counterparts and follows the story of the S.P.I.R.I.T. Farts comprising of Dolph "Dolphin" Laserhawk, his adopted sister Jade, their uncle and caretaker Pey'j, the not-so-secret agent Alex Taylor (alias "Agent Hot Wheels"), and his longest-running pupil Agent Bullfrog. They're out to stop Eden, the evil organization that stripped America of its freedom, but not before getting into some of the weird shenanigans without them, what with an apocalypse happening simultaneously and whatnot. They're also joined by Ramon "Rayman" le Grand, Eden's poster-boy and a former TV star and cafe owner who got bored of his lifestyle and wanted to get out more often.

Characters:

Dolph "Dolphin" Laserhawk: The main character of the story. Like his original iteration, he was used by Eden as a weapon instead of being treated more humanly, so he quit. Some traumatizing stuff happens to him, like the time he thought he found someone who cared about him, but it turned out that he was betrayed by him and he nearly got caught... and then he ended up running into a forest and going into hiding there. Now he's the adopted brother and nephew of Jade and Pey'j respectively, but ever since he rediscovered his powers and some forces sent by Eden attacked their home, they all agreed to go back to the city to fight Eden and to protect everything they loved, even going so far as to meet a speed-controlling agent and his "pet" frog, who asked if they could take on the evil forces head-on. Though Dolph was a bit more hesitant on accepting Agent Hot Wheels's offer, seeing as he reminded him of a familiar yet horrifying figure, he agreed alongside Jade and Pey'j, and the three became part of the S.P.I.R.I.T. Farts program. The only main difference from his first counterpart? Well, he expected the whole thing to be his story, but uhh... well, with so much else going on, he's much more confused than scared of what is even happening around him.

Ramon "Rayman" le Grand: He's the star of the show, the reason you tune into Eden's channel, the wacky thingy who makes everyone smile... at least, that's what Eden wanted him to be. Not one person can outmatch his uniqueness due to his strange body and his most charming charisma. The ladies love him, people at his bar love him, seemingly everyone loves him... everyone except those who are against Eden as a whole. Rayman, who notices this, wants to achieve the impossible: to make everyone, even his greatest enemies, happy, so he escapes, leaving his luxurious life behind... only to be jumped by a random angry mob. And then he accidentally jumps onto the S.P.I.R.I.T. Farts' car. And then they jump on him- wow, poor guy, am I right? Despite this, they decide to keep him around as their "hostage", but you know what? To him, it felt like it was the greatest honor he's ever had; in a pretty twisted way, he doesn't feel so... alone anymore...

Alex "Hot Wheels" Taylor: A middle-aged man and yet a fit special agent who works for S.P.I.R.I.T., who, with his trusty remote, has the ability to manipulate one's perception of speed and time with the push of a button, and who mentors and supervises the Farts. He even used to be a Fart himself; apparently, he got accused of a crime he didn't do, but the former director of S.P.I.R.I.T. rescued him and offered him a chance of redemption. Since then, he's sympathized for the group and especially despises Sarah Fisher for... some reason. Also he's... not dating Dolph? Like, at all? I dunno, I was looking through the characters' debut games and apparently he's from this game called "The Crew" where he speeds through roads with cars and worked for some lady to take down a corrupted FBI guy and Taylor's brother's murderer to clear his name, so I figured I might let him be more of a good guy but keep some of his negative traits both in the game and in the show. You can't really stop me because he wasn't always the bad guy. Just like how Rayman wasn't always a bad guy himself.

Balak "Bullfrog": An aspiring Fart with great reflexes and a utility of weapons on his belt. He claims to be the last of his creed, a group of rebelling assassins who used to work for Eden and guarded them with whatever chances they've got (though it was joked by the higher-ups of S.P.I.R.I.T. that he used to be more or less of just a fanboy). He was eventually taken in by Alex after accidentally getting himself trapped in a pet shop, though not before Alex paid to "adopt" him (he sensed that Bullfrog wasn't an ordinary frog, especially since he was literally clothed in front of the guy). Afterwards, he initially decided to play friendly towards the guy and reluctantly help him on his missions, but after realizing the truth, that being that Eden was the one to cause the apocalypse in the first place, he fully trusted Alex and the two became a crime-fighting duo ever since.

Jade "Shauni" Laserhawk: Dolph's adopted younger sister who took him in after finding him lying down unconscious by a brook she goes to to do yoga (because originally I wanted to put in "meditate", but apparently I looked up "is yoga a form of meditation?" and the internet said "no". The internet doesn't lie to me like that. Unless it's AI). Optimistic, headstrong, and an admittedly talented artist, she made sure she gave him the best their home had to offer, and the two siblings had fun hanging out with each other, whether it be practicing yoga or finding beautiful things in nature to look at and appreciate. She really cares about Dolph and is concerned about him fighting battles by himself without her help, so much so that when he reawakened his powers and deemed himself too dangerous to her and Pey'j, or when the evil forces attacked their home and he wanted to encounter Eden all alone, she was the first to convince him that he doesn't need to fight his battles without her because of how close of a family they were. After running into Agent Hot Wheels and Agent Bullfrog while on their way to Eden, Jade was eagerly the first one to agree upon the offer. Unfortunately, she was the only one who didn't have superhuman strength nor a powerful weapon, so S.P.I.R.I.T. gave her a mechanical staff to aid her in her fights. Why she's this ecstatic to take opportunities that involved taking down Eden and other evil forces is unknown to others, but it had been hinted that she used to work for them when she was just a teenager, only to soon catch onto Eden's evil ways and flee back to her home to tell Pey'j and the others about her realization.

Pey'j "Wild Boar" Laserhawk: The proud uncle and caretaker of the Laserhawk siblings. Despite having great amounts of strength, Pey'j is both brawn and brain, having built the house they lived in, several vehicles they could use to drive around the forest, and even repairing and reviving Dolph from his unconsciousness. He too cares about his adopted nephew being too stubborn to let him and Jade fight his battles with him, but he especially cared about Jade and her own safety more, not only because she's the only one in the family who can't fight unarmed, but also because he's raised her much longer than her brother, having done so ever since she was a little girl. As such, he considers her "his favorite child" and is a lot more hesitant on how she cares for Dolph, even when she was willing to help take Eden down with him, since he knows that she's putting herself in grave danger. Really though, the main reason why he even came with his niece and nephew to stop Eden in the first place was because he wanted to protect the former and felt like the latter would protect himself, what with the cyborg parts on him and all. Additionally, he's a bit more reclusive towards others, mostly towards those who seem like they're gonna hurt his kids. For example, when they first met Agent Hot Wheels and Agent Bullfrog, he thought that the two were gonna take them away to some prison run by Eden. Even after being explained to him that the agents were working for a rebel force against the government, he was still hesitant to trust them until Jade agreed to help, causing him to have a brief argument with her about the idea. He soon agreed, albeit reluctantly since now he has to look after her more constantly, and was soon a member of the rookie tier of S.P.I.R.I.T., the Farts.

Conclusion

And so ends the premise and character introductions for "Dolphins with Laser Eyes"! Really hope to draw more of this side-story, maybe play around with the art-style to get that half-serious, half-parody look I'm going for, but for now, I'll be seeing y'all soon. Take care!

[thessalian]

Thess vs Last Straws

You know that feeling when one of your friends is a self-absorbed little shit and you know they’re a self-absorbed little shit but their self-absorption and little shit-ness just hit one button too many and you just want to slap them? It’s the weirdest damn feeling because it can be the smallest thing to set it off after years of arguably bigger issues.

This is concerning an old RP friend, who I still follow on Facebook. Now, he was an issue generator for quite awhile when I used to see him in person. I honestly have zero recollection of how we met, but he joined my Mage group when I ran in meatspace, and a few other games as well. He was problematic in all of them, frankly, with a bit of Main Character Syndrome and that thing that goes, “I have to be a hero in this game because I need validation of the type I don’t get in real life”. Also ... okay, y’all know I have zero issue with anyone on the spectrum, but I do have issues when someone doesn’t try. Fucking hell, I try - every day I try, and it’s not easy, so I am totally understanding when people slip up. But I tripped over a post of his that basically went, “Hey, I think I’m going to write up a guide to how to communicate with me and hand it to everyone I know”, and he was not joking. Not sure he ever actually did it, but his answer to, “I have communication issues” was not “I should work harder at ensuring that we all understand each other as best we can”, but “I will tell everyone how to talk to me so that I don’t melt down, and thus put the entire responsibility for the success of our communication into their hands because I can’t be bothered to moderate my own behaviour”.

I largely stopped engaging him after that, at least in part because I was a little disturbed at his overriding need for a girlfriend. I swear, it was all he talked about for quite some time. Of course, see above re: his communication skills, so that probably wasn’t happening. But he said something today that I just wanted to slap him over. He was whining about “I can’t buy the Toby Daye series or the InCryptid books because they’re not out on Kindle! Why are they not out on Kindle? WOE!” At which point I looked at my two shelves of paperback involving both those series and went, “Hang on; what now?!?” Then I engaged.

I should not have engaged. I mean, my first thing was flagging up that honestly, I don’t know if the author asked for there to be a gap between those books getting published and those books hitting Kindle, but I wouldn’t blame her if she had. McGuire is hugely outspoken about how book piracy can destroy an author’s career, particularly when dealing with a series. Book 1 sells well, but if Book 2 (or 3, or 4, or whatever) gets pirated more than it gets purchased, the publisher will decide that the series isn’t worth it and bin the whole thing. Now, I imagine you can pirate a book that hasn’t made it to ereader yet, but it’s a lot harder and a lot messier, and it still might not end up legible. So I started with the first bit of that - I mean, they’re her biggest and longest-running series and I wouldn’t blame her for not wanting the Kindle versions to float around for a good long while.

He said, “But if I can’t buy it, wouldn’t that make me more liable to pirate it? Which I don’t want to do because I do want to support her, but...” Like he had no choice - like it was either Kindle or nothing.

I looked at my two shelves of paperback again at that point and decided I wanted to throttle him, not slap him. So I flagged up the second part of that statement above - how a pirated copy of a book that hasn’t come out for ereader is likely to be messy and barely legible and there are other ways to buy a book than getting the Kindle version - like the local library, or ... you know, buying the paperback. I asked him to at least please not be disingenuous; to acknowledge that it wasn’t that he couldn’t buy it but that he couldn’t have it in his desired format.

Apparently he doesn’t have a local library, but he did at least subside a bit with, “But I see your point. I guess I’ll just wait”. Given the earlier replies, I can’t help but read that with a tinge of sulk.

Maybe it’s just the one straw that broke the camel’s back. But after awhile, you get tired of someone insisting they should have things entirely their own way without having to compromise or consider the situations or feelings of others, and then sulking when they have it proven that the world doesn’t work that way. I distanced him when he whined to me that he had to be the hero in my game because it gave him the kind of validation he lacked in his real life; I distanced him further when he whined about not being able to get a girlfriend. I’m about ready to just block him entirely over this one. Not because this is that bad - although it is that bad, since I’ve read time and time again how pirating books can destroy a series and an author’s career - but because it’s one more bit of proof that he has to have everything entirely his own way and will sulk if he doesn’t get it. My life is too short and too stressful to deal with people like this.

I mean, I don’t have anything against people who prefer Kindle to dead tree. But someone whining that they can’t buy it at all when what they mean is, “I can’t have my preference”? Miss me with that. If I want to support my favourite author and read the continuation of the story I’ve invested so much time and feels in over the years, and I can’t have it on Kindle? Just put down the paperback and back away slowly. Gods, he’s even whingeing about Be The Serpent and that’s not even out in paperback yet.

[vegangirldiaries]

Intro...

Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing...

Hi there, I'm 'V' and this is my journal. I plan on writing here as often as I can - whether it's daily, weekly, or monthly, I have no idea. My goal is to just write how I feel, what I'm doing and just to express myself in a healthy manner. Whether that means talking about my feelings, or just writing what I'm thinking and not making any sense... I'm not fully sure yet.

A little bit about myself: I have been vegan for the animals for over a decade. I was raised by traditional Mexican parents who immigrated here in the US in the late 70s. I am 36 years old. I married my high school crush in 2017 after having been together for nine years- is it weird to say that he's still my crush? (love him so much!)

I have experienced grief in the deepest sense, having lost two beloved friends, my mother, and my aunt all within four years' time. My mother's loss was the hardest, being that she passed away a mere three days from my 32nd birthday, after having celebrated my birthday with her in hospice.

I am apparently what is considered a 'Disney adult', having a Magic Key pass, and visiting the park at least once/month.

There are many things I dislike that only my husband agrees with: We don't drink alcohol, smoke or do drugs, and we feel disappointed that all of those things (particularly cannabis) lately are being normalized in every type of media these days. We also don't like that cosmetic surgery is being normalized. We think people have the right to do whatever they want - don't get me wrong, but most people who get lip filler, botox, facelifts, etc. are already beautiful and everyone tends to end up with that same 'kardashian' face when they're through. What a waste of natural beauty. We don't go to the movies anymore - haven't been for at least 12 years. Mostly because we don't like the ambience. Hearing people obnoxiously laugh at a not-so funny joke kinda takes us out of it. We much prefer watching movies in our 85 in. screen tv with surround sound while being cozy in our jammies, where we can pause whenever we need a potty break. It's just more ideal and practical for us. We are also childfree. We both agree that we do not want children, and I am so grateful that we've been on the same page with this since day one.

We do not have too many friends. Just maybe like four or five people we see every so often. When it comes to friendships, we choose quality over quantity. It's difficult to be a good friend to so many people, you can overstretch yourself easily.

I've been asked why I'm vegan, but I'll probably write about that later, since it's kind of a long story.

I've been told my music taste is weird... I hardly listen to anything that came out after 2016...ish? mostly, I like 80s music, and goth bands. Darkwave I think is my favorite genre. but I also listen to musical soundtracks and showtunes. 90s pop and 2000's metal. Souixie and the Banshees and System of a Down + NSync + Britney Spears + Switchblade Symphony + Marilyn Manson + the Singin' in the Rain Soundtrack, as well as some spanish music - no mexican banda but traditional Mariachi. It's an odd combination, but it's definitely me!

When it comes to video games, I love RPG's like Skyrim and ESO. Adventure games like God of War and the Batman Arkham games are top of my list.

Speaking of Batman, I've been obsessed with him since I was about 4 years old with the 90s animated series (RIP Kevin Conroy). Batman was my first crush and also the longest lasting crush to this day aside from my husband of course!

I've always worked in an office setting, but was always so unhappy and felt underappreciated and bored. Last year I quit my job and became a stay at home housewife with my husband's blessing. It's been fun, but the weight gain started, since I've had more time to cook more meals + desserts at home. So, I decided to start a home business of baking vegan sweets, breads, and even selling tamales. It makes just enough for me to have some fun spending money at Disneyland!

My favorite meal to make is a vegan mac n cheeze with spiced roasted potatoes, yum! eating mostly comfort foods which are high and fat, although vegan, can be unhealthy to have all the time, every day. So, I'm trying to get back to eating more veggies. Sounds weird to hear that a vegan isn't eating vegetables, but it happens! So, I'm trying my best to get back to my old habit of healthy eating and working out more. I'm currently at 180lbs and with my height being 5ft 3in, this puts me in the 'obese' category. yikes! I've never been this heavy, and honestly don't FEEL obese, but I really need to get my health back in order.

So is this a diary type journal? tracking my emotions? a weightloss diary? I honestly have no idea. I just get on here and type away, and I'm already feeling a bit lighter. If you have no outlet for your feelings, and keep them bottled in, of course an explosion will eventually happen. And I guess, I'm trying to avoid a mushroom cloud in my tiny house.

To anyone reading this, thanks for taking the time. I hope to write again soon.

Sincerely,

-V

[the-sealed-spies]

Unexplored character facts in Heart Alone to a Soul

expect it didnt end up just being characters.

Spoilers [duh.]

okay clicked off new readers?

Asako is Autistic!

Mitsue and Hiyori werent always going to be enemies. That was only something decided while writing chapter 1. Infact Hiyori and Setsuna were going to be enemies.

Asuka was originally going to be a survivor. That's it.

Chapter 3 was meant to be quite a bit different.

Third + Fourth Victims:

Mitsue is in the corner, slumped onto it. It seems like she took quite the tumble with a trail of blood and a pool under her. Masajiro had blood dripping from his mouth

Michiru: Naoji, why..? Why would you kill them?!

Naoji: I- it wasn’t intentional to kill Mitsue… Masajiro and I… We were forming a suicide pact. Mitsue tried to stop us and… Masajiro… He… that look in his eyes… he attacked her… I wasn’t thinking and stabbed her. Straight in the chest. I… I just wished the poison would take me after I realized what I had done. I… tch?! My chest… it burns…

Third execution

Not a proper execution, but the poison kicks in and kills Naoji right as he finishes his speech. Dropping the suicide note from his jacket.

This was directly from an old version of my planning sheet and was before Ghastly Reunion was planned.

On a similar note, Mitsue was also meant to die in chapter 4. although she ended being a survivor in the end.

Setsuna's original name was Katsuteru although this name only lasted 5 days.

Precursor explains some of Fumiko's chapter 3/4 lines, and was only started because of that.

Cathal and Michiru wear two separate pairs of gloves, just mix-matched so they wear them on the right hands more easily

There is apparently at least 157 corrections on the google doc version from a few irl friends. However a majority of which are dialogue based and only go up to chapter 4

Yoshihisa plays the knife game

Fumiko and Michiru are cousins

Although chapter 2 was the longest chapter [maybe chapter 5?] Chapter 1 and the prologue took the longest.

The Haunted Storyboard was not going to be the only one like it. Infact the most notable of them are Kazumi [Mind Electric] Koharu [Worst case scenario] and Asuka [Die in a fire] although the only one I even started with was the Mind Electric storyboard.

Masujiro was one of the kids who made fun of Michiru a couple years before. Neither of which exactly recognize each other.

Yoshihisa has a prosthetic leg from an accident at work.

Tala is second shortest character in the series at 4'7. The shortest being Spice at 4'5

The candy Mitsue carries around is homemade

I think that's all I can get into without sharing spoilers for Ghastly Reunion and Precursor

[azurityarts]

Your Pmd OCs are really cool! I know one is called Skye and one is called Brooke, but what are all their names?

Daily Doodle #77

An Improper Proper Introduction

I spent. Way too much time on this.

MEET THE GANG!

Rescue Team

Arcas

Liselotte (Lilo)

I'm going in order of the games, but I actually played Explorers before Rescue Team! Gotta say, I absolutely loved the Friend Areas; they definitely made the world more engaging and expansive!

As for my team though, Arcas was actually an adaptation from a D&D character I made; a Dragonborn monk iirc. I don't quite remember where I got the name Lilo for a Cyndaquil from, though I recently retconned it to be a nickname of sorts. Names are fun!

In terms of playtime, Rescue Team is definitely the lowest for me. That being said, I've gotten more attached to these two little shits over the course of my doodles and shitposts than I ever thought I would.

Explorers

"Silent"

Arina

Explorers was my first ever Pokemon Mystery Dungeon game, though not my first exposure to the series. Specifically, I managed to pick up Explorers of Sky some years back, and that copy holds as my oldest PMD game.

And the fact that it's "old" helps explain my team's names; unlike my other teams where my initial goal was turning them into characters, my Explorers roster was just named after me and my old best friend. I just put our old usernames, but I still find it ironic that my old name is still appropriate given the "silent protagonist" trope PMD games usually run. Due to personal reasons though, both are now characters!

Explorers holds the title for the time I've sunk into PMD games, and it isn't even close. Incredible story, postgame, music, characters, and more; there's a reason why Explorers is considered the best entry in the series. Over 70 hours I've put into the game, and I don't intend to stop anytime soon!

Gates to Infinity

Brooke

Axdrew

Gates to Infinity was my first exposure to PMD? Is this a shocker? I'm not actually sure, but yep, the first time I had set my eyes upon this series was Marriland's playthough of GTI. I loved his voices as a kid, and I'm very happy to have finally gotten to play the game I idolized as a kid.

I had originally planned for Brooke to be another "quiet type" protagonist, but I noticed that the hero in GTI talks a lot more than in previous installments, and is also a bit sassier? Really glad I got the opportunity to give someone a more lively, snarkier personality that I don't often give my characters. Axdrew was a name given by a friend, and I've recently considered "Drew" as a hypocorism, but I'm still debating on that one.

Gates to Infinity gets so much flak, and maybe I'm just biased due to my history with the game, but it does NOT deserve the amount of hate it does. (There seems to be a theme with Gen 5 getting bashed before getting beloved tho...) I've sung the praises for GTI in old posts, so I won't be going on another rant (this is already the longest section here), but even if everyone pulls up with pitchforks and torches, I'll still hold this game close to my heart.

Super Mystery Dungeon

So, uh, this is awkward? I haven't actually played through PSMD yet. ^^; Between school, life, art, and other stuff going apeshit recently, I haven't had the time to start a new game. I'm excited for when I do though, since it apparently links all of the previous installments together. (Although I am still particularly upset that nicknames for recruits aren't a thing anymore ;-;)

Bonus!

Skye

Azure

Original OCs anyone? Yeah, I'm not too sure anyone's that interested in a random Absol or the 3817th Umbreon OC, but I've had these two for the longest time, even before I started playing Explorers! I guess it doesn't count to include them in this list, since they're not explicitly PMD-related, but I've been trying to write a story of sorts with 'em for a while now (though I've not got a clue if it's any good lol). Both of them have gone through a lot of changes and tweaks over the years, but they're definitely here to stay. :)

If you've made it to the end, thank you for reading! I've been meaning to introduce these fellas for a while now; my original plan was to showcase each of them individually through reference sheets, but that stuff takes way longer than I anticipated. ^^; I've always been nervous when it comes to really explaining the who for my OCs, but I'm really glad this ask came through to push me to make this. Thank you! If anyone's interested, y'all can ask my OCs things! I've seen a bunch of different PMD ask blogs and they're really cool- I'm completely new to this kind of stuff, but I'm willing to experiment! :D

Credit to Nicely Olo for the PMD Badges used in the background!

[sintreaties]

Can you do an analysis of Yumeko's character?

I can try, though as always keep in mind that I’m more of a creator than an analyst and I don’t believe my comprehension of these characters to be above anybody else's.

(cut cause long post)

For the longest time Yumeko was and still is one of the most enigmatic characters I’ve ever seen. We know nothing about her past and now that with the latest chapters her role in the story seems to be changing, the only thing we are sure about is her addiction now.

Yumeko, as the series name clearly states, is a gambling addict. Now, in a word being an addict means that a compulsive behavior takes over one's whole life. We can oversimplify it in two statements: 1) I can’t stop doing this 2) No one can stop me unless I truly want them to.

In a setting like Hyakkaou’s this is twice as dangerous. Not for Yumeko herself — Sayaka’s background check tells us she’s quite loaded in terms of money — but for the people around her. There's a pretty obvious duality to Yumeko's character: on one hand, we have the sweet, childish, almost naive Yumeko, who’s able to befriend even her worst opponents; on the other we have a “plague” who’s unable to keep herself under control and who would do anything to get what she wants, ruining whoever is in her path.

The contrast is interesting to see in scenes like the one in which she offers her tissue to Sayaka because she was crying, knowing that she hates her with all her guts vs the way she completely lost her facade when Yumemite refused to play seriously against Sumika, or when she pressured Itsuki into gambling her Life-Plan. This is simply another consequence of her addiction. Try to politely tell a smoker to quit smoking, see how they react. Amberlynn Reid, a youtuber who’s become a lol-cow during her failed weight-loss journey, suffers from BED (binge eating disorder) and when she can't keep her impulses in check, she calls that part of herself “the binge eating monster”, stating that it pushes her as far as to abuse her own partner if she doesn’t get to eat what and when she wants to.

Here’s the thing though: addicts usually want to stop. Most importantly when their behavior starts to take its toll on them. Although they’re often forced to ignore them, they do have feelings of shame and regret when they end up to do things that average people wouldn’t do (i.e. stealing to have more money for their dose). They know that what they’re doing is bad. They have constant reminders of it. Just like Amberlynn has the hate comments and smokers have the warnings on the packages, Yumeko finds her reminders in her own sister, who ended up in a mental institution precisely because of gambling, and in everyone at Hyakkaou, the main example being Sayaka (I speak about this a bit more here).

And yet, here’s the odd thing: Yumeko never really showed the desire to stop nor a hint of true remorse for anything she’s done. People are calling Kirari a sociopath and a narcissist only because she doesn’t show herself as the usual cute anime girl. Yumeko isn’t that better than her in these terms.

The whole premise of the KKG movie revolves around Suzui trying to convince Yumeko to join the Village, where gambling and money are banned, only for the latter to say, “No thanks. I have only two desires: better desserts at the cafeteria and watching Murasame gamble.” (Full on expression of her duality once again).

Because of gambling, her moral compass is sort of all over the place. She never wanted to liberate the House-Pets destroying the system, that’s Tsubomi who got the wrong idea. Yumeko was an anti-hero for a while, but only out of pure coincidence. Simply, her goal of taking the Student Council coincided with the wishes of whoever wanted to see the SC fall.

Clearly, this could be because Yumeko came at Hyakkaou with a specific goal in mind. At the Academy gambling is often your only mean of survival and it would be foolish to give it up. As Murasame says, “Kirari’s a monster and only another monster can defeat her, hurting everyone else in the same manner.”

That does fit Yumeko’s character, doesn’t it?

So why does Yumeko give up gambling altogether when Kirari refuses to play with her and calls her an ‘impurity’? It would make sense if she came here specifically to defeat Kirari. If she was certain that Ririka would win, that would prevent her from obtaining what she wants, throwing out of the window everything she’s done so far. This is the only possibility I can think of for now, so the next chapters will hopefully clear that up.

Now, Yumeko said that she won’t gamble, but if she’s truly an addict, no matter how stubborn and displeased she gets, she won’d be able to stop just like that. The addiction will either take over or find another mean to express itself, just like sometimes smokers turn to food when they try to quit and how people with BED can end up becoming addicted to shopping, resulting in hoarding behaviors. It’s all about that kick of dopamine.

Rest assured though, that as long as her addiction remains, Yumeko will never fully be able to be one of the good guys. Not like this, and not in a world in which adults can’t plan a fucking intervention. It makes sense for her to be holding the Election under her heel now and going on it could only get worse, with Yumeko hindering her own allies — if she ever had any.

Which brings us to a final point: the way Yumeko builds her relationships and why.

Her first connection at Hyakkaou is Suzui, who’s in so much debt that he’s considering dropping out. He’s a naive guy, too good for his own good. He’s easy to mold in Yumeko’s hands and that’s eaxctly what she does in more than a gamble (ESP, Zero Nym-Type). Is this also because of the “monster” inside of her, preying on the weak to take as much as it can? I don’t believe their friendship is completely “pure”, though I also don’t think Yumeko is harmful by nature. She might not even be fully conscious of this.

We have Saotome, who believed herself so sleek and ended up as a House Pet. Why would Yumeko befriend someone who tried to ruin her on her very first day? Did she see a powerful ally and a perfect opponent in order to seek the thrill of the risk, or is she really just that naive? Yumeko isn’t stupid. Intelligence also comes through emotional values. Again, I don’t believe her connection with Mary is devoid of secondary reasons, though just like in Suzui’s case, the latter come into play only when they hinder Yumeko’s gambling.

Tsubomi and Itsuki were practically shouldered and then used with the promise of obtaining something better for themselves. Sayaka? She called Yumeko a “plague” and yet Yumeko never really resented her. Sure she almost caused her death, but that was a collateral matter. Yumeko harbors no ill intent towards her, notwithstanding Sayaka’s hatred. Yumeko doesn’t show hate for Kiwatari either, and yet he never acted right around her.

Midari, on the other hand, deserved her indifference and dislike because she messed up their gamble and there’s nothing that Yumeko dislikes as much as a set result in her games. The two cases of Midari and Sayaka/Kiwatari are perfect to show the contrast between the kind of person Yumeko would be without her addiction and the kind of person she is now that her life is ruled by gambling.

What about Kirari then? In terms of risks, Kirari too showed a similar appetite. Perhaps Yumeko herself would like to see her own addiction consume her, just like she thinks Kirari would — thought I’m starting to believe the supernova talk was more about the clan than about herself. Maybe, just like Kirari with Ririka, Yumeko wants to fight the part of Kirari that resembles her the most and Kirari’s refusal proved that she had been very wrong in judging her character. Apparently Kirari “killed” her sister, but that’s Terano’s word, Yumeko never expresses herself on the matter.

In all these examples, the main thread is still the same. The gambling addiction has always been Yumeko’s core in the series and as of today it would be impossible to consider Yumeko’s character whole without it. People tend to forget its extent.

I do hope flashbacks and such will let us see how Yumeko was before she became a kakegurui, because in the end, addictions are only a part of who we are — unless we let them consume us.

I hope this answer was as satisfactory as it could be.

[imaginesandinserts]

Irreverent Pt. 39 - Dinner Party

Title: Irreverent Pt. 39 - Dinner Party Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader Rating: M Words: 5812

Irreverent Series Masterlist

Clyde was handling another assignment so you were working out of Quantico for the time being. You'd learned really quickly that not everyone had a Penelope Garcia at their disposal and you needed to skill up fast. You'd bribed her with concert tickets and a very handsome Elliot Greenberg as her escort in exchange for teaching you the basics.

Elliot worked for the white collar crime unit in New York after the BAU rejection and had recently made the transition to Quantico for sex crimes. The two of you had kept in touch over the years and he'd hit you up when he'd moved back. He'd broken up with his girlfriend back in New York for the job - which really just told you the girlfriend hadn't mattered all that much. Elliot was smart, good looking, and doing well at work but you knew he also had a nerdy streak that Garcia would appreciate.

It was kind of fun being on the other side of a case and watching Penelope in action. You figured it would be easiest to learn on the job so you'd stayed holed up in her office and the two of you worked together with the team on a case. She taught you how to do some of the less complex stuff and you got to flirt with Hotch anytime he called for an update - it was a win-win really.

When they got back, he'd decided to have everyone be home for a week and do reports and consults to coincide with your schedule. No one was really complaining about a week of no travel.

Aaron had gotten home before you as you'd had a late afternoon meeting with McKinney to update him on your progress. When you walk in, you can smell roasted spices wafting from the kitchen. Aaron had always enjoyed foods from other cuisines but with you he'd really embraced cooking it as well, since you'd lived all over and had curated your own recipes over the years. If your nose wasn't mistaken, he was trying his hand at your Chicken Vindaloo recipe.

You walk into the kitchen to see him wearing an apron and manning the stove while Jack sits at the island doing his homework.

"Hi baby." You greet Jack and place a quick kiss to his head before going over to observe Aaron's handiwork - it smelled pretty good and he already had the rice cooker going as well. Jack mumbled a hello and you could tell something was off. You raise an eyebrow at Aaron who mouths "Soccer" to you, peaking a glance backwards at Jack's head bent over his worksheets.

Aaron and you had decided to sign him up for soccer lessons, figuring it was a good age to get him into team sports and be a little more active in a structured setting. Apparently he wasn't taking it too well, though you couldn't fathom why.

You take a quick taste from the spatula that Aaron had been using to stir and add a little pinch of salt to the pan. He throws you a mock glare. "I was getting to it," he mutters, shooing you away.

You leave him to the cooking and go sit at the island by Jack. Grabbing a tangerine from the fruitbowl, you peel it and break off a piece. "Orange for your thoughts?" you ask Jack.

You can see him hesitate but he still reaches out for the small slice, putting his pencil down. "I don't want to do Soccer," he confesses, reaching for another piece. Aaron's back is turned and he appears to be bustling around the kitchen.

"What part of it do you not want to do?" You pop a piece of tangerine into your own mouth as well.

He seems to consider your question as he chews on another piece. "It seems messy and the other kids seem mean."

You and Aaron had taken Jack by the soccer field a couple of weeks ago and you realize he's referring to the mud covered kids all pushing one another. Jack was a sweet and sensitive kid and you could understand how that was maybe a stressful situation for him. But you also wanted him to give it a shot because it would be good to do some team activities - help him make some more friends and be more active.

"It does seem kind of messy," you agree. "But I don't think the other kids will be mean. You're good at making friends and as long as you're nice to them they'll be nice to you."

He thinks over your response and you know you can seal the deal. "If you don't like it after you give it a fair shot, then we can discuss. Is that okay?" Jack was a reasonable kid and you and Aaron tried to give him choices as much as possible.

"Okay, Y/N." Jack nods, grabbing the last piece of tangerine from your palm.

"You know," you lean in a bit to Jack, lowering your voice, "your family has a special history with soccer fields."

"We do?" He quirks an eyebrow at you and he looks so much like Aaron in that moment. The cheeks are all Haley but the expression is completely Aaron.

"Well, you know how your parents met, of course," you confirm with mock seriousness.

Jack smiles and nods. "Pirate #4"

You laugh, ruffling Jack's hair. Aaron had kept his word to Haley and he did his best to make her a part of Jack's life as much as you could. But you had a feeling this wasn't a story Jack knew yet. Jack had been obsessed with all of the Disney movies lately so you know he'd appreciate a good romance story.

"Yes, your parents met during the play. But your dad was quite the young soccer star when he was in high school." You look and see that Aaron is adding the finishing touches to dinner and undoubtedly listening in. Jack has turned fully to face you, bringing his chair a little bit closer to yours.

"Well, your mom started to go watch him practice and go to his games. After a game where your dad scored the winning goal," you pause as Jack hangs on every word, "they were hanging out on the field and your dad finally plucked up the courage and asked your mom to be his girlfriend."

"That's pretty cool, I guess." He smiles, turning to look at his dad. "But not as cool as Buttercup and Wesley. Can we watch The Princess Bride again after dinner?"

You and Aaron laugh as he nods and tells Jack to go get washed up for dinner. The three of you had already watched The Princess Bride a couple of times and Aaron insisted that Inigo Montoya looked exactly like his old boss, Gideon. He'd pulled up pictures to show you, but you just didn't see it. It was probably the longest argument the two of you had had in recent memory.

As Jack leaves, Aaron turns to look at you, his face identical to Jack's from earlier, eyebrow quirked just the same. You know he's wondering how you knew that story about him and Haley because it sure hadn't been from him.

"Jess and I bonded while you were gone," you explained with a small smile. "He should know your love story."

Aaron nods as you get up to get changed for dinner yourself. He adores that you go above and beyond to make sure that Jack feels connected to Haley. Sometimes, though, he worries that you end up minimizing your role in his and Jack's life in the process.

As far as Aaron was concerned, Jack got to be witness to his favorite love story.

*------------*

With the whole team at home base for the coming week, you and Aaron decided to host the long postponed dinner party that you had initially aimed to have as your relationship reveal party. Between the team jumping the gun on you and then all of the work and cases, it had gotten pushed back indefinitely. However, now seemed like the right time to do it. You'd planned it for the end of the week when both Henry and Jack were invited to a birthday sleepover and all of the adults had the next day off.

Emily, Derek, and Penelope were all bringing dates. Rossi was seeing Strauss but knew better than to invite her to a team thing. You still remembered worming that particular secret out of Aaron. You had known something was up when you'd happened to catch his face when Rossi told him. You'd been too far to actually hear what caused that face, so you'd brought it up later. In his defense, he'd valiantly tried to protect Rossi's secret, but you had your ways. When he'd finally given in and told you, you regretted having tried so hard to get it out of him. Rossi and Strauss. Just the thought of it made you shudder.

However, with that large of a group, you decided to get some outside help, though you'd still make dessert. You'd left for lunch to go meet with the caterer, taking Rossi along with you since he'd actually be helpful. Aaron was in some budget meetings through lunch anyways and you'd grabbed him a salad on the way back. You thanked Rossi for joining you and he took Aaron's food up with him as you turned to see Derek and Emily hanging out by her desk.

"Hey, so what'd Hotch mess up?" Derek asks as he sees you.

You're confused for a second as to what he means but then you catch sight of the large bouquet of flowers on your desk. Your heart stops. You recognize that arrangement - the ostentatious roses arranged artfully. You'd forgotten what day it was. After he missed last year, you'd thought he'd forgotten - that he'd moved past it finally. This was the first time they'd arrived at the office. Usually it was sent to your home so you could deal with it in private.

You approach your desk not bothering to look for a note. Quickly, you pick them up and place the bouquet in your trash can, in the hope that no one else would see them. Both Derek and Emily eye you curiously.

You have to make sure your voice will come out steadily before you speak. "They're not from Aaron."

You hope they'll just go back to their conversation as you sit down in your chair, your mind whirling. You'd have to deal with this situation. Him sending them to work was an obvious escalation and to what end, you couldn't be sure.

From the corner of your eye, you see Derek stand from his spot on Emily's desk. He walks towards you with purpose and before you can stop him, he's reached into the trash can and fished out the note.

"Matthew? He's sending you flowers?" His voice is low and he looks troubled, holding the note in his hands and taking a seat on your desk instead. Seemed like him and Emily had decided he'd deal with it, as she was conspicuously missing, leaving just you and Derek in the bullpen.

You sigh internally. It had been too much to hope that they would've just ignored it. "It's our anniversary," you explain, looking around and making sure there wasn't anyone else around. "He didn't take the break up well. Now he sends flowers every year to torture me - though usually he's tactful enough to send them to the house."

Your revelation does nothing to ease Derek's mind. If anything he looks even more worried now than before. "So he's escalating. Trying to get your attention."

"He's not going to actually do anything," you say, trying to sound reassuring. "I can handle it, Derek." You place a hand on his knee closest to you and look firmly up at him. The last thing you needed was for Derek to be all worried and nosey about the situation. Or worse, for him to tell… "Do not tell Aaron."

He looks at you as though you're stupid and you can tell he's going to argue with you, but you really don't want to bother Aaron with this. Not in the one week you guys have at home together. "I mean it, Derek. He has a thousand other things to worry about. My sociopath ex does not need to be one of them."

Derek frowns and you know he's racing through the thousand cases you guys have done on stalker exes and escalation. Luckily for you, Matthew was too lazy to actually stalk anyone. Unluckily, he still found the time to order you flowers to remind you that he'd once been a very large part of your life. You didn't even like roses. With a glance up to Hotch's office, Derek nods, knowing he won't be able to convince you otherwise right now. He drops the note back into the trash can as Emily returns and you all go back to pretending to work.

It's late afternoon when you hear Hotch calling your name from the upstairs landing. "Y/N, can you come up here please?"

You'd gotten very little done, your mind whirling with what to do about the Matthew situation. You just wanted it to be over. You briefly wonder if Aaron wants to talk about the meeting with the caterers or Jack's schedule for the following week when the two of you will both be away. You enter his office, closing the door behind you.

"Hey, what's going on?" You walk in and take a seat on his couch. The blinds facing the bullpen are closed, but the ones facing outside are open, casting a warm glow around the room. Curiously, he hasn't moved back to his desk and is standing in front of you, with a concerned look on his face.

"When were you going to tell me about the Matthew situation?" he asks, placing his left hand on his hip and looking every bit the part of SSA Aaron Hotchner instead of your boyfriend.

You let out a breath. You couldn't believe Derek had told him, after you'd specifically asked him not to. And now he had that furrowed brow and the concerned face and he has a deadline from Strauss on the new budget. This wasn't what he needed right now and you knew it would distract from everything else.

You grit your teeth and stand up, ignoring his voice, and open the door to his office to scan the bullpen until you catch sight of who you're looking for. "Agent Morgan," you call out, "could you please join us up here?"

Derek looks up at you before he quickly walks upstairs and enters Hotch's office. He goes and stands by Hotch while you close the door once again, undoubtedly knowing what this was about. The two of them made quite the image - frowns marring both of their faces though Aaron's was less pronounced. I knew moisturizing was a good call.

Squaring your shoulders, you cross your arms across your chest, facing the two of them. "Figured it was more efficient to just talk to you both together. Save you the trouble of finding each other afterwards," you say, your tone hinting at how annoyed you were. Not that either one of them had the decency to look ashamed. If anything they looked defiant.

Aaron started to speak but you cut him off.

"You two need to realize that I can handle my own problems. If I say Matthew isn't an issue, trust me. If I say I have it handled, believe me that I do."

"No." You expected that, but not from Derek. Maybe from Aaron, but not from Derek.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, no. Not with our jobs. Not knowing what we do. I'll tell Hotch, I'll tell the whole team. The more people on the lookout the better."

"I -"

"Morgan's right. So, let's figure out what to do."

"There's nothing to do. He sent flowers, not a bomb. Leave it alone. If the worst thing he does is send me flowers once a year - well people have dealt with worse. You're both overreacting."

"You expect us to do nothing? What about when he escalates?"

"He won't!"

"You can't possibly know that." His entire demeanor is stiff and tense and he's aggravated with you for not taking this as seriously as he is.

"I was with him for four years, Aaron. Trust me. I know him. He has nothing to gain from an escalation and everything to lose. He's married, he doesn't exactly want me back. He just hates that I dumped him and once a year he remembers that and gets pissed off and drunk and in his own passive aggressive way, chooses to do this. It's not worth any of us wasting a second more of our time on!"

Derek looks like he'd rather be anywhere but standing in the middle of the two of you at that moment.

Aaron breathes out slowly before he speaks, as though if he takes a moment it'll prevent him from shaking you into seeing it his way. "I still would like for the team to be on alert. Just in case." It would appear he'd decided on the reasonable approach.

You groan, but know that's the best you're about to get. At your nod, Aaron and Derek exchange a look before Derek moves to leave the room.

"Hey," you stop him as his hand touches the doorknob. "Next time I ask you to not tell my crazy, overprotective boyfriend something. Just don't."

He grimly shakes his head at you. "No promises."

You narrow your eyes at him. The two of you will be discussing this later.

Turning away from you, he nods at Hotch before opening the door and closing it behind him.

Aaron sighs before sitting down on the couch next to you. "Why wouldn't you just tell me?" he asks, as though he's afraid of the answer.

You know he's genuinely worried about you and grasping at the implication of you not telling him about this. You reach across the couch cushion and grab his hand, squeezing it. His fingers intertwine with yours instantly.  

"Aaron, if I thought - for even a second- that this was some sort of actual threat, you'd be the first person I'd tell."

Which was the truth. If there was any chance that Matthew was a threat to Aaron or Jack, you'd have told him immediately. As it stood, however, your ex boyfriend was nothing more than a coward who got off on his little annual psychological warfare.

He nods, his mouth a straight line.

You spend a few more minutes in his office reassuring him properly (How convenient that the blinds were already shut), before leaving him to finish up the rest of his work.

*------------*

Derek watches from the bullpen as you exit Hotch's office, not a hair out of place, though he could imagine that hadn't been the case a minute earlier. He sees your eyes dart around furtively before making a quick phone call. You say barely two words before hanging up.

*------------*

Ricky Costello had the self-assured charm of a boy who had never questioned his place in life. He'd grown up scrawny and had to learn how to fight and stand up for himself. As he'd grown older and filled out some, people knew better than to pick on him or anyone he was friends with. He was loyal, headstrong, and the smartest of the family - which is why his father had pulled some strings and gotten him into a good school where he could learn something and be of some use to the family.

You'd met Ricky in your accounting class when he'd tried to partner with you for a project, thinking you'd do all the work for him. He'd had to rethink that strategy when you'd shown up at his dorm room, pretended to be his girlfriend to get rid of his flavor of the week, and then promised to continue ruining his chances with every gullible freshman unless he did his share of the work. Needless to say, the two of you had the best project in the class.

You arrived at the bar he'd texted you the address to. It was in a quiet street just off central downtown and at six in the evening, there were only commuters headed back home. No one paid much attention to you as you quickly looked around before entering.

The place was mostly empty save for an older couple seated at a table in the corner. You see Ricky seated at the bar and you make your way towards him. Feeling someone approach, he turns around, a grin breaking out on his face when he sees you.

"Hi Doll," he stands and wraps you in a hug that lifts you off the ground and elicits a small squeal of surprise.

"Hi Ricky." Your face lights up at the sight of him. It had been a while.

He indicates to the bartender for another round, before guiding you to a small table at the other corner of the bar. He pulls out a chair for you as the bartender sets down two glasses of scotch.

"Cheers," he says, lifting his glass and clinking it with yours. "To seeing old friends."

"Cheers," you smile, taking a sip, your eyes studying him. He looked older, the beginnings of grey could be seen near his temples. His leather jacket hugged him just right and he'd grown out his usual stubble into a full, well-kept beard. His smile was still very much him - a little cocky and every bit as affectionate as you remembered it.

The two of you drink for a while as he catches you up on all the drama your old group had gone through recently - the weddings, the breakups, the kids. It was odd to have missed out on all of it.

"So, tell me, why'd you really call?" he asks, leaning back in his chair, his hand playing with the rim of his glass.

You take a breath, mimicking his posture. "Matthew is planning on running for Congress."

He takes in your pursed lips and the tenseness of your shoulders. "I heard," he says slowly, deliberately. "Been meaning to pay him a visit. Congratulate him."

"Congratulate him for me too."

The quirk of his lips tells you he knows why you're telling him this. There was no love lost between Matthew and Ricky. If they were in the same room they were bound to get into it. You'd done your best to keep them sequestered in different parts of your life - however some events were inevitably meant for larger groups.

He nods with a soft laugh, before indicating to the bartender for a second round, which is delivered promptly.

"You should come back, Y/N. Give up the straight laced thing. The crew, we miss you, doll." His voice is earnest and for a moment you see the hint of the boy who'd confided all his secrets to you during study sessions that had bled into the early morning hours.

You smile, and your voice catches ever so slightly. "I've met someone - and well, he's pretty much as straight laced as they come."

Ricky laughs at that and you know he's just a little surprised. "What's his name?"

"Aaron." His name feels right at home in your mouth.

"Nice Catholic boy?" His face is one of boyish teasing.

"I always did have a thing for those," you joke. And you know, you know Ricky will take that in the friendly manner that it was meant.

The two of you wrap up and Ricky closes out the tab before walking you back to your car. As you're about to pull out of the parking spot, he leans into your window, placing the lightest of kisses to your cheek.

"Tell your boy Aaron, he's the luckiest guy in the world."

*------------*

You hear the front door open and close as Aaron arrives, having dropped Jack off at the birthday party sleepover he was invited. You'd spent the day making sure you'd made enough tiramisu for all the guests while both Jack and Aaron snuck bites of it when your back was turned.

You've just finished dusting off the final pan with cocoa powder, when you feel Aaron's arms circle your waist from behind. You have to slap his hand away as it makes its way into the dessert. Him and Jack had polished off half a pan that morning and at this rate, you'd have none left for the actual guests.

"You can't eat all of the dessert before the guests get here. At this rate, you're pretty much cut off from it entirely. I don't think I can make it again if you and Jack are going to be like this," you scold, turning and poking at his stomach.

He doesn't have the decency to look even a little embarrassed. He just smiles and shrugs, his arms encircling your waist again. "I'll just have to find something else to eat instead, I guess."

His words send a spike of heat and desire through you. The two of you had been making the most of being home at the same time and every night had ended with him between your legs - one way or another.

Shaking your head, you escape his hold and move to clear the island for the caterers. He was relentless, however.

"You expect to wear this and have me keep my hands to myself?" His voice is a deep rumble behind you as his arms cage you against the island countertop and his mouth finds your pulse point. He's referring to the off shoulder dress you'd changed into while he'd been gone, highlighting your collarbone magnificently. It flared out from the waist, making you look like the epitome of the perfect housewife you had once been destined to become.

"I'd hoped you'd at least wait till the end of the night," you retort. His arms are warm and his chest firm behind you and you really didn't have it in you to push him away again. You were pretty helpless against him.

"I always like to get a head start." You can hear the humor in his voice as he pushes you against the counter a little more firmly, his arms coming from around you to clear the space right in front.

"Aaron." His name escapes you with a soft sigh as he plants warm kisses along your neck down to your exposed shoulders. He sweeps your hair to the front, lips traveling down your spine as his hands move underneath your dress, finding the waistband of your underwear and then slipping inside to find you wet, warm, and waiting for him.

He lets out a groan at the feel of you and can't help but grind himself against you. He knows he's working against the clock and is surprised you've let him get this far.

You let out a sharp gasp as his thumb presses against your clit and he inserts two fingers deep within you. He had the art of getting you to come, down to a near science. He quickly pumps his fingers in and out, his thumb rubbing your clit in repeated circles. With his other hand he brings your head around and captures your lips. The press of his lips against yours is a feeling you'll never tire of you.

You come embarrassingly quick, fluttering around his fingers, your back arched and your ass grinding into his hard length behind you. He turns you around, his mouth hot and needy against yours. When you pull away, his eyes are blown wide and there's a sheen of sweat on his forehead from the exertion of keeping himself from simply plowing into you.

You make quick work of his belt buckle and help him work his jeans and underwear down, eager to have him in you. With one eye on the clock behind you, he hoists you up to the countertop, placing you on the edge, and enters you swiftly, eliciting a loud groan from you.

"Fuck, sweetheart. Always so ready for me. Always tight…wet." His voice is rough and low and makes the coil in your stomach tighter and your breath come out harsher. He moves efficiently, his head tucked into the crook of your neck and his arms working to keep you balanced on the edge.

His breath is warm against your neck, and he's panting and leave wet open kisses to any skin available to him. Your fingers dig into his shoulders, holding on for dear life as he thrusts into you. You're close and you know he is too based on how irregular his movement is becoming.

You remove one hand from his shoulder, pulling on his hair to move his head enough to reach his mouth in a lazy kiss. He groans into your mouth as he comes, drawing your orgasm out right after, causing you to tremble against him.

As you come down, you're entirely slumped against his chest and he's moved you to sit more firmly on the island. You know you look nowhere near as presentable as you did fifteen minutes prior, but you're finding it hard to be too upset about it.

Still, you can't help but be a little bratty about it. "I'm going to have to redo my makeup," you whine against him.

Laughing breathlessly, he picks you up to carry you upstairs. It was a wonder he had the strength to do that right after. You could barely stand up when he deposited you outside the shower.

The two of you work quickly to get cleaned up and Aaron is the one to let the caterers in as you redo your hair and makeup. You fish out another dress - one with sleeves and a higher neckline. You couldn't afford to be pulled into the coat closet with people around.

*------------*

An hour and a half later, the party is in full swing. Emily had brought Henry Eastwood - Senator Williams's Chief of Staff. The two of you had run into him while out shopping a few weeks back and having recognized you, had come up to say hello. You had a feeling that had Emily not been with you, he would've entirely ignored some girl his boss had dated for a few weeks a year or so ago. However, you couldn't deny that they made a handsome couple.

Penelope had brought Elliot - the two of them had really hit it off and you were happy to see her smiling and laughing with someone. You'd given in and allowed Rossi to bring Strauss and you were pleasantly surprised to see her being on her best behavior around Aaron. Derek had brought Savannah and they were talking to JJ and Will.

You walked to the kitchen to open up another bottle of wine and refill everyone's glasses. It seemed Savannah had followed you, empty glass in hand. Laughing, you top off her glass with the almost empty bottle in hand, before opening the next one.

"Thanks for having everyone over," she says, taking a drink from her glass.

"Of course. Aaron and I honestly meant to do this ages ago, but work got away from us."

You have a feeling Savannah wants to talk to you about something else, however, so you don't say much more, trying to give her the chance to speak up.

She looks around a little nervously, but seems to make up her mind. "You're different for Derek, you know. Different from Emily and Penelope. He's very protective of you."

"I'm protective of him too," you respond softly. You know what she means however. You and Derek had gone through the worst thing in the world together and only came out the other end because of one other.

"Savannah, you have nothing to worry about," you reassure her, knowing that's what she really needed at the moment. Her and Derek hadn't had much time together lately and you could understand feeling insecure. "Derek loves you and you're good for him. You challenge him and you're the first girl I've seen him be so head over heels for."

She smiles and you know that helped a bit. "Thanks."

The two of you each grab a bottle and head back to the main living room. As you pour more wine into Dave's glass, you catch Aaron's eye and you feel warmth pooling in your stomach, the promise of a good night ahead of you. You walk around the room and top off everyone, making sure there's enough appetizers still out.

Derek offers to help you carry back the empty platters and follows you into the kitchen. "So, I heard something interesting today," he says, placing the platters on the counter.

You hum, as you grab more of the stuffed mushrooms from the warmer and arrange them on the empty platter.

"Cops responded to a call about a break in in New Hampshire, placed by someone's neighbor," he pauses and he knows you're listening. "When they get there, guy living in the house was obviously beat up, but his wife seemed alright. Just a little shaken up. Funny thing is - dude refused to press charges, even though cops could tell that the house had been broken into."

Your posture has gotten incredibly stiff as he spoke. He knows. You don't say anything, simply look at him apprehensively.

"Tell me," he continues, "what's the Italian mob's going rate to put the fear of God in someone?"

You take a breath, before meeting his eyes. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh yeah, you wouldn't. Probably get the friends and family discount," he trails off, grabbing the platter and walking out of the kitchen.

Crap. He really did know. He knew about Ricky. Which meant he'd probably gotten Penelope involved as well.

Quickly composing yourself, you carry the other platter out, joining him by the appetizer table.

"Derek - "

"Don't worry. Garcia won't say anything."

You look at him, and you know he won't either.

"Thank you."

He nods, popping another mushroom in his mouth and smiling at you. He wouldn't be doubting you again when you said you had something under control.

He wouldn't tell anyone. When Hotch asks him later about the Matthew situation, all he'd say was that it was handled. Hotch would pause, look at him, but then trust Morgan to know that it was really handled.

[the-lincyclopedia]

* adapted from @librajiminn on twitter

A fun game to celebrate 2020 ending! The rules are simple: recommend your favorite OMGCP fics so everyone can enjoy them, while trying to fill in enough slots to get a bingo!

This is going to get long, so I’ll put it under a cut. Also, I’m too orderly to try to shoehorn my favorite fics into these particular prompts, so I’m just going to go right to left, top to bottom, taking the prompts literally, until it’s bedtime. 

1. first fic you bookmarked: “Here Comes the Sun” by @doggernaut, 19k, G, no warnings, Zimbits

For the past month, the man with the baby and the sad blue eyes has been stopping in for a cup of coffee an hour before closing. He always sits in an overstuffed chair in the corner and drinks his coffee while his baby sleeps next to him in the stroller. Sometimes he pulls a book out from the diaper bag he carries with him; other times he just stares straight ahead as if in a daze. He never asks for a refill, always respectfully gathers his things and leaves ten minutes before the shop officially closes. Eric desperately wants to ask him what his story is. 

My notes: I read Check Please over the course of two days in June of 2019. On the second day, right after catching up, I looked at @peppermintfeminist‘s AO3 bookmarks and found a fic by @doggernaut. Then I read just about everything @doggernaut had ever posted. It was glorious. This fic in particular is so cute. 

2. most recent fic you bookmarked: “Flight Check” by @edgarallanrose, 15k, E, no warnings (though there is a creepy/handsy guy at a club to watch out for), primarily Zimbits with most of the other popular pairings in the background

Flight attendant Eric “Bitty” Bittle has been working his way up at Samwell Airlines for the past four years, and his new promotion has provided him the opportunity to work with a brand-new crew. Unfortunately for Bitty, that crew includes an incredibly handsome but equally grumpy pilot, Captain Jack Zimmermann, who seems to want nothing to do with Bitty. Even worse, Jack refuses to eat any of Bitty's baked goods. Will Bitty be able to win the captain over? Or is there another reason Jack has been avoiding Bitty?

My notes: There are a lot of great things about this fic--Jack’s character arc, Lardo’s dialogue, that scene in Seattle--but the reason I bookmarked it is the scene where Bitty’s basically slut-shaming himself and Jack gently but firmly tells Bitty not to do that and that it was the creep’s fault. 

3. a fic that made you cry actual tears: “a little bit more” by @ivecarvedawoodenheart, 14k, T, no warnings, Holsom

“I just wanted,” he says, “a perfect day. With you. Because it’s our last day together and our last day being here as undergrads and we’re kissing the ice tonight, and the weather’s supposed to be beautiful, and you’re moving tomorrow and Holtzy I just — I don’t want to be missing you already.” Holster wipes his eyes before he even realizes he’s crying. Behind him, Ransom sighs. “One more day where everything’s the same,” he says, feeling around blindly for Rans’ fingers. He feels Rans nod as he laces their fingers together. “Yeah. Yeah, Rans. I’d like that a lot.” __________________________

Holsom after graduation and throughout the subsequent six months after Holster signs to an expansion team in Oregon, and realizes his feelings for Ransom too late. Holster's POV :) kinda angsty, but there's a happy ending :)

Inspired by shitty-check-please-aus: "Holster moves to Oregon while Ransom stays on the east coast. The time difference makes it difficult to talk and one day they wake up and realize they aren’t best bros anymore."

My notes: I almost never cry at fics. I searched “tears” in my fandom email account and only a handful of my fic comments came up, but Syd is a literal master of Holsom angst, always. 

4. longest fic you’ve read: “Like Real People Do” by @xiaq, 153k, M, No Warnings, Kent Parson x OC

Parson gestures with his spoon toward Hawke. “So am I allowed to ask about the service dog or is that not PC?”

“My medical history is more of a 3rd date conversation," Eli says.

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“Because. No one sticks around afterward and I like to live in glorious denial for a short period beforehand.”

It comes out more self-deprecating than he intended.

Parson looks…thoughtful. “Well, does this count as one or two?

“Pardon?”

“This. Ice cream. I mean, technically it’s a second location, but still the same night. So is this one date or two?”

“One,” Eli says firmly. “If it’s happening within the same three-hour period.”

“You’re the expert,” Parson says, which, he’s really, really, not, but ok.

“So still two dates to go then?” Parson continues.

“I—what?”

“We’ve got a roadie coming up but then we’re home for almost two weeks. When does your semester start?”

“You want to do this again?” Eli asks.

Parson stops idly twirling his spoon.

“You don’t?”

He does, Eli realizes. He really does. Because apparently he actually likes Kent fucking Parson.

My notes: Okay, this fic has my whole entire heart. I’ve read it multiple times in its entirety, and it’s almost twice as long as the full-length novel I’m querying. Eli is one of my favorite OCs I’ve ever seen in a fic (probably tied with Damian Navarro and Ari Paxton, both brainchildren of @fozmeadows). Anyway, this is probably going to be the next thing @themeaningoflifeischeese and I read out loud to each other. 

5. a fic you almost didn’t read: “when all else fails (i’ll still be right here)” by @whoacanada, 6k, T, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings (and I don’t remember if I think there’s stuff to warn for, sorry), Zimbits

The National Hockey League is resurrecting the Quebec City Nordiques, and the expansion draft hits the Falconers much harder than expected.

My notes: Given that this was for @omgcpheartbreakfest, I was worried this would be all angst--all hurt and no comfort. Which made me sad, because I love @whoacanada‘s writing but I wasn’t up for reading unresolved angst. But @doggernaut reblogged the fic, so I asked if the ending was sad, and it’s NOT! There is quite a bit of angst but the ending isn’t sad. 

6. a fic that convinced you on a ship you didn’t ship before: “it drops with the gravity of rain” by @geniusorinsanity, 16k, T, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings (attempted sexual assault by an OC), Nurseydex

It happens like this:

“I don’t--this is a bad idea,” Dex says, his lips still tingling, his hands shaking on Nursey’s hips where he’s shoved him away. “This is a really bad idea, Nurse. I can’t--We can’t do this.”

And there’s hurt in Nursey’s eyes and his bottom lip is swollen from Dex’s teeth, but he says, “Okay.” And then, “It’s chill, Dex. Just friends, then.”

It happens like this:

“Actually,” Nursey says, talking more to his granola than to them, “I kind of have a date.”

It happens like this:

When Nursey calls, Dex almost doesn’t pick up the phone.

My notes: So I was really confused and a little disturbed when I first found out people shipped Nursey and Dex. Like, Dex just wasn’t someone I trusted. But then I was moving out of the house I’d been living in, and I needed stuff to listen to as I packed and cleaned, and @khashanakalashtar‘s podfics came in clutch. I gave this one a try even though I didn’t like Dex, and @geniusorinsanity blew. My. Mind.

7. a fic from an unusual POV: “Excuse Me While I Kiss This Guy” by @porcupine-girl, 8k, G, no warnings, Zimbits

Jesse Snowden knows all the best restaurants and gourmet food shops in Providence, so when Jack Zimmermann starts bringing in incredible baked goods, he's eager to find out where the new bakery is. When he meets the man behind the pies, he decides that there's no way Jack could really appreciate this guy's talent the way he does, even if they are friends. He starts hiring Jack's chef on the side, in the hopes that maybe once Bitty's done with college he'll come work for Jesse.

Good thing there is absolutely no way whatsoever that Jesse could possibly be misinterpreting this situation.

My notes: Oh my gosh this is so funny. The secondhand embarrassment factor is huge, but like, the hilarity. 

8. a comfort fic: “Don’t Need to Compromise” by @khashanakalashtar, 11k, E, no warnings, PB&J

“Hey,” said Kent, unknowingly setting off a chain of events that would change his entire life, “you said that like you know from experience. Have you done this before?”

Jack and Bitty have not done polyamory before, but they do know Ransom and Holster’s polycule, which contains March.

And March?

March is trans.

My notes: I’m in love with @khashanakalashtar‘s entire Directionverse series (and honestly a lot of their other writing), but “Don’t Need to Compromise,” which is the second fic in the series, just makes my heart swell especially much. The gender feels are so good, and all the characters are so good to each other, and when I listen to this on walks I have to actively try not to arm-flap. 

9. a fic you wish could be a movie: “Ice Crew Please!” by @petals42, 61k, T, no warnings, Zimbits

Jack Zimmermann was drafted first by the Providence Falconers when he was eighteen years old. He is good at hockey. Very good. His team won the Cup his second year and now, in his third year, they are looking good. Jack should be on top of the world. And some days, he manages to convince himself he is.

He’s not, of course.

Enter the Ice Crew.

AKA: The Ice Crew AU

My notes: This fic has its tender moments, but what I love most about it is the sheer goofiness. Ransom and Holster and Shitty are HILARIOUS in this one. I’d love to see their shenanigans in movie form. 

10. a WIP you read as it was updated: “Something Borrowed” by @fozmeadows, 48k, M, no warnings, Kent x OC

All things considered, Ari did his best to prepare himself for the advent of Kent Parson, Potentially Difficult Housemate and New Star Liney. The problem was that his best was an idiot.

My notes: So technically I didn’t start reading this until the first 19 chapters were posted. But there was still plenty of anticipation for the final few chapters. And like, @fozmeadows (as mentioned above) makes EXCELLENT OCs. And I love how their fics consistently convey that having bad things happen to you does not mark the end of your story. 

Okay, it’s bedtime, so have 10 excellent fics. I got bingo twice, because I went straight across on the top two rows.

[radramblog]

Full-Art Lands Pt.2

Hello internet persons, this is Rad from 2/9/21 speaking. I am tired from an early early shift at work, and also just got the first vaccine dose, so I’m going to be posting these words written on Monday when I anticipated exactly this level of exhaustion. This might defeat the purpose of “a blog post a day”, but its hardly the first time I’ve done it and also I think I have a pretty solid excuse.

Anyway. This is a continuation of a discussion of every Full-Art Basic Land set in Magic: The Gathering, starting now with Modern Horizons. It counts!

Modern Horizons

Kind of cheating, because technically the Snow-Covered Lands are different cards, but unless you’re building around them (or a card like Extraplanar Lens) then they’re functionally pretty much the same. These are also literally the only Full-Art Snows, so if you’re running those then this is basically your only pimp option.

Ultimately these are kind of held back by the fact that, well, everything has to be blanketed in snow. There’s some interesting blues going along with the Plains and Mountain, and there’s some fun sky colours, but the remainder is left a little bland.

I currently believe these are worth investing in, for what it’s worth. Both Full-Art Lands and Snow Basics always go up eventually, slowly, over time, and these are still less than a dollar each for now.

 Secret Lair: Artist Series: Seb McKinnon

This one is kind of a special case, because there’s just a Swamp. And there are technically two of them, but one is just an older version of the art. So I wasn’t sure whether or not to count these.

Because of these limitations, it’s hard to recommend these unless you have a lot of money and also a mono-black deck. They look great, matching Seb’s excellent style from the other cards in the drop, but it’s a bit of an awkward one. That said, I just have these sitting around, seeing as I got this drop just for the Damnation, so…might as well, I guess?

 Theros: Beyond Death

Much like Amonkhet/Hour of Devastation, this set has one full-art mixed in with several regular basics. The difference is that these are representative of Nyx, the world of Theros’s gods, with its symbolic and nebulaic art.

There’s no real getting over the part where these just look like the Basic Energy cards from the Pokemon Trading Card Game. Considering WoTC’s hand in designing that game, and that the two are equivalent because, well, WotC designed them that way, it’s a fair comparison. But I don’t think this is why these ones aren’t as good as other full-arts. I have two main issues with these lands, and the first is that, well, there’s no land on them. For a set themed around a specific plane, one would expect that plane to be represented in the art, and Nyx does have actual landscapes on it. I get the space-themed design, but they could have been up in the sky above an actual Mountain or whatnot.

The other is the missed opportunity of these being Nebulae. That’s a fine enough design choice, though the symbology is a bit hammered in, but like. In a set based on Ancient Greece and its astronomical focus, with Gods that look like and are represented by constellations, with a mechanic called Constellation, they probably should have just been constellations. It would have made for a more subtle, less, well, Pokemon look, as well.

 Unsanctioned

New Un-Set, new basics. These ones are kind of a hybrid between the Unglued and Unstable ones, with that golden frame and almost borderless design. I’m actually not sure how I feel about these, since while the frame looks nice, it’s also kind of pointless, and the texturing on the mana symbols is a little weird. I don’t like how smooth and reflective they are.

The art is at least still excellent. Not John Avon, but Adam Paquette does a great job distinguishing himself, less realistic but still believable places that feel fantasy. I actually feel like Unsanctioned was overall a miss, especially since each box came with like 2 of each of these basics, but that’s not something I’m holding against them.

 Secret Lair: The Godzilla Lands

Secret Lair has been an opportunity for WotC’s designers to experiment a lot with card frames, though this set of basics doesn’t quite represent that. I’m not sure how well this one did, to be honest, though they did make future basic-only SLs, so fair enough I guess.

So, do you like Godzilla? Because he’s on all of these, along with some other Kaiju from the greater series canon. It’s kind of a little distracting, because the landscapes are otherwise gorgeous. Ironically, though, Godzilla himself is kind of being a scale-reptile in these pieces, giving a sense for just how big that mountain is, or how far away the “camera” is from the ground.

The only Island I see in that Island is Godzilla himself, though.

 Double Masters

These are just a set of reprints from Unhinged and Battle for Zendikar, but in a more borderless style. I’m honestly not sure how I feel about the Unhinged arts being blown up like this. But this is a reprint set, and these are honestly kind of boring, so eh.

 Zendikar Rising

Another Zendikar more lands etc. etc. you get the idea. Like the title suggests, this iteration of the plane has a lot of vertical exploration in its flavour, and the new basics reflect this. Especially  in the Plains, Islands, and Mountains, that sense of adventure and traversal is back from the first Zendikar set.

Interestingly, this one doesn’t have any reprinted arts, unlike Battle for Zendikar, even though there’s only 3 of each land here. There’s probably something to be said about distancing this set from BFZ- that set faced a fair bit of backlash, and it is thematically very different from ZNR. There’s also the conspicuous absence of the Hedrons, apparently having been replaced in art and in flavour by the Skyclaves. No, I still don’t know what those actually are supposed to be.

At the end of the day, these cards do end up making Zendikar feel like it’s lost its edge a little. They’re just a bit too bright and friendly for my liking, even with the inclement conditions in some of the images. I think it literally just might be the clear, bright skies in this one.

 Secret Lair: The Unfathomable Crushing Brutality of Basic Lands

Yeah these are about as edgy as the name suggests. Monochromatic and striking, this set of basic’s iconography is much more evocative than literal, the mood of the colours in their themes, captured largely without them.

It does greatly amuse me that literally all of these arts contains skulls. Talk about gothic. I like these a lot better than the Theros: Beyond Death lands, despite the similarities- Particularly, that the mana symbols aren’t literally just the standard ones- arguably the Island is, but it at least is in the form of negative space.

I can’t get over how thematic these are. Plains embodies community with its weapons and runes and roots, and the human face on the Sun icon. Island represents the vastness of knowledge with its endless waters and starred skies. Swamp is death, skeletons mired in the depths of the surroundings. Mountain is fire, bold and unflinching, while Forest’s gnarled branches running through the skull shows the unflinching nature of, well, nature. They’re all so utterly sick.

 Innistrad: Midnight Hunt

The most recent addition to this list, and one you actually can’t get yet. I think the frames on these being so thin is excellent, since it means they aren’t taking away from the spectacle of the art- not to mention the monochrome of the border and art.

These pieces are magnificent gothic landscapes, the kind you’d expect to see illustrated on the inside cover of Frankenstein or a Lovecraft story. Each and every one of them is ominous in its own special way, with the Swamp that’s a ruined river town to the rugged cliffside path of (presumably) Geier Reach. And the Island with the waves crashing across the cliffs is utterly gorgeous.

Obviously we haven’t seen these in paper quite yet. And the monochrome may make it difficult to tell them apart at a glance. But these are sacrifices I am willing to make for the sake of style.

This is the sum total of all the FABs. For now. Something I didn’t quite realise when writing this was the sheer number of options for this kind of pimping, and how much they’ve ramped up in production over the last few years. Much like with the increase in cards in general, I suppose, as well as premium product versions like the Secret Lairs. I would be genuinely shocked if the game ever exclusively started using Full-Arts, but I’d also not be surprised if we saw them yearly at the longest. 

Either way, I’m sticking with my BfZ lands, because those are the ones I already have!

[angelsfalling16]

Love and Porta Potties

A remix of @caitybuglove23‘s porta potty fic

This started out as me just wanting to remix their original fic with some Shrek references, but it turned into me rewriting it as an American AU and expanding it in both directions.

This was a lot of fun to write, and I hope you like it, Caity!  💖☀

(Btw, if you haven’t read their fic yet, you definitely should. It’s amazing!)

Thanks so much to @amphipodgirl and @scone-lover for beta-reading!! <3

Fic Summary: A series of events throughout Simon and Baz’s relationship that happen in porta potties, some of them good, some of them messy, and some of which they don’t speak of.

Word count: 2416

Here’s chapter one of three. The next chapter will be up on Wednesday!

Read on ao3

***

Simon

Baz and I have slowly been getting along better recently. It is just a little unfortunate that it took us until the end of high school to get to this point because it has actually been really nice.

In fact, it has been more than nice. I think I might be starting to like him. Like really like him.

It hit me slowly at first, but the more I got to know him, the more I realized how much I like him. I think I might like him a lot. I just wish that I knew if he felt the same way.

Every once in a while, I get this feeling that he might like me too, and that feeling has been pretty constant today, especially as we talk and walk around with each other.

The fair is in town this weekend, so we decided to go with our friends as one last get together before we start college in the fall. It's the first time that Baz and I have hung out outside of school, and besides a little bit of awkwardness at the beginning, it has been a lot of fun. Even our friends have been getting along. Or at least, no one has insulted anybody else yet.

Dev and Niall have stuck pretty close together and not said much to the rest of us, but Penny has surprisingly had a lot to say to Baz. I never thought I'd see the day where those two would be friends, but they seem to have really hit it off.

It almost makes me jealous to see my best friend get along better than I am with the guy that I'm crushing on, but I know that there is nothing to worry about there. Plus, it’s nice that they get along well. I would hate for Penny to disapprove of someone that I like.

On the rides Dev and Niall pair up together, and Penny won't go on any of them, which has left Baz and me together. She says that they are all death machines that shouldn't be running when they were put up so quickly. I tried to tell her that they probably do safety checks and point out that people have been riding them all day without any accidents. Her response was “yet,” and that was that.

It has been surprisingly fun to do all of this with Baz. He seemed hesitant about the rides at first as well, but he has followed me into the line for each ride that I've decided to go on so far.

Right now, as the sun sits low in the sky, casting darkness on the fairgrounds, we are in line for the ferris wheel. It's a pretty mild ride compared to the rest, but I notice the way that Baz eyes the top, like he might be afraid of heights or something.

"Hey," I say quietly, bumping my elbow lightly against his side. "We don't have to go on this if you don't want to."

He looks over at me with a peculiar expression, like he's trying to read me, before looking back up at the ride. It's almost our turn to get on. I think the longest part of this whole thing is loading people on and off.

We shuffle forward a few more steps. He shakes his head, but I'm not sure if it's at me or the ride.

"Baz," I begin again, but then we're at the front of the line and being ushered into the little cart together.

He turns to me long enough to say, "I'm good, Snow." Then, he steps up into the ride, and I follow after.

We don't say anything as our cart is raised bit by bit while the rest are being filled. I drum my fingers against my leg with a sort of nervous anticipation. I wish that Baz would say something to tell me what he's thinking.

He has been oddly quiet, and I'm starting to feel like maybe I did something wrong. Did I upset him? Have I been viewing this whole thing the wrong way? Did he go on this ride because he felt like he had to? Is he here at the fair because he felt like he had to come? Am I just some bothersome gnat that he can't seem to get rid of? Does he want to be here at all?

I start to feel a little sick, and it isn’t because of all of the sugar or numerous fried items that I've eaten in the past hour. It isn’t because of the ride either. I need a distraction, but the only thing here is Baz. And while he is kind of the thing that I need a distraction from, he is also the best kind of distraction.

"Did you know that this is the first time that I've been to a fair?" I ask as I look out at all of the people walking around the booths and standing in line. It seems like I can see everything from up here.

"Really?" Baz asks softly.

I nod. "Yeah. Didn't exactly go to one when I was in the orphanages. And even in the nicer foster homes I stayed in for a while, they either didn't go or didn't invite me so that they wouldn’t have to spend money on me."

I'm rambling now and wondering if I should shut up, but I keep talking. It keeps my mind off of the other worries.

"I would always pass by the fairgrounds and see them setting up or the flashing lights on the rides in the evening, and it would seem like this whole other world that I would never be a part of. It was sort of beautiful and sad at the same time."

Baz is quiet for a long time, and I worry that I somehow managed to say the wrong thing. Was bringing up my past the wrong thing to do? He probably doesn’t care about any of this, and now I’m forcing him to have an awkward conversation with me. I definitely screwed this up. He’ll never want to talk to me again after this.

I’m just about to tell him to forget I said anything when he finally replies with, "How do you feel now that you're here?"

I think about that for a moment before I respond. How do I feel? It’s been nice, but I feel like that might have more to do with the current company than with what I have been doing. Still, it definitely isn’t terrible.

"It's fun and all but it seems like I was making a big deal out of nothing. Like it’s not as special as I thought it was. But it's still a good experience, y'know?"

He nods. "Yeah, I think so. It's the feeling of being excluded from something without really knowing what you're missing out on. It's hard not to wonder about it."

"Yeah, exactly." 

He managed to put into words the thing that I've never quite managed to. He does that quite a bit. I'll struggle to explain something, and he'll know exactly what I’m talking about and doesn't make me feel bad about not being able to be clearer with my words.

I appreciate that more than I could possibly say.

I start to say something else, maybe something more about what I'm feeling, but then the ride lurches, and we start to move up to the top in a slow, revolving circle.

We ride in silence for a while before I notice that Baz has a death grip on the side of the ride, and he seems to be leaning as close to the middle as possible. His thigh is practically pressed up against mine, and even though we have been closer than this today, what with how much those other rides throw you into the person you’re riding with, I can feel my heart racing in my chest.

"Are you okay?" I ask him, forcing myself not to think about the way that I can smell his shampoo when he's this close.

He nods.

"You don't seem all that thrilled to be on this ride."

"I just feel like I could easily fall out the side. It's probably stupid because this ride is so calm compared to the others, but it doesn't seem as stable as the rest were." He shifts in the seat and our cart rocks harder than it should, and I actually hear him inhale. He really is afraid.

"Why did you come on this ride if you were that afraid?" I ask, not judging but genuinely curious.

He doesn't answer though because he's too focused on apparently trying to look anywhere but at me.

Is it that awful for him to be around me?

"Hey," I say softly but he just shakes his head. I place my hand on his shoulder and try again, even softer this time, "Hey, look at me. You're okay."

It takes him a moment, but he finally tears his eyes away from the ground far below and looks at me.

"Hey," I say again, offering a small smile.

"Hi," he replies.

"You're safe. I'm right here, and we aren't going to fall." The ride jolts again but then it slows to a stop. "See? The ride’s over. We'll be back on the ground soon enough and you'll be fine. Okay?"

He nods and starts to turn away but I place my hand on his cheek to turn his face back to mine.

"Keep your eyes on me. And don't look down."

He does as I say, and we sit there staring at each other in silence until it's our turn to get off the ride. There's a moment where I think I might lean forward and kiss him, but it passes too quickly for me to decide whether it's a terrible idea or not.

Baz is a little shaky and pale as we walk away from the ferris wheel, but he seems a little better now that his feet are firmly planted on the ground.

I want to say something to him, but I'm still trying to figure out what when Penny comes bounding over to us.

"What next?" she asks excitedly, as if she hasn't just been wandering around playing games or watching us ride the rides the entire time.

Baz looks to me, and I shrug. I feel like I'm still at the top of the ride, mere inches from him as we stare into each other's eyes like we're looking into each other's souls.

I want to go back to that moment to see if I was just imagining that look in his eyes or if there is some possibility that he might actually like me back. It's doubtful, but I have a bit of hope.

"Oh! Look what I won!" Penny holds up a Shrek plush, and I smile. She and I used to watch that movie all the time when we were putting off homework or just needed a break.

"It's cute," Baz says.

"Cute?" I repeat.

"You think Shrek is cute?" Penny grins wickedly, and I can already tell that Baz is never going to live this down.

"Uh th-that’s not quite what I meant," he tries to say, but it's too late.

"Sure it's not," Penny says with a laugh. "I mean, I guess he's cute if you like green skin and poor hygiene." She laughs even harder, and I can't help but join in. It's contagious.

Dev and Niall walk up a moment later looking at the three of us curiously.

"What's so funny?" Niall asks.

"Nothing," Baz snaps before either Penny or I can say anything. "I'm going to use the restroom. I'll be right back."

“Wow, braving the porta potty?” Dev says, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

Baz just shrugs, glancing at me briefly before he turns away. I can't quite read his expression, but it seems like he wants to say something to me.

I wait a moment before excusing myself to the restroom as well.

I watch which one Baz goes into, and before he can lock it, I step in after him.

“What the—? Snow, what are you doing in here?”

“You told me to follow you.”

“No, I didn’t! There's no room in here." He tries to shift away from me but there’s nowhere for him to go.

“Yeah, you did. Well, not aloud because our friends were there, but you told me to with your eyes.”

“With my eyes? Snow, I didn’t say anything with my eyes. I just really needed to piss.”

“Oh....” I shrug and look down at our feet. “I’m sorry. I-I guess I just misread the situation.”

“You think?”

“I guess I probably misread this whole night, too?” I ask, starting to feel really bad.

Did I make all of this up in my head?

“Wait, misread it how?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. I thought this was kind of a date. I thought you were flirting with me or something. I know how much you hate these rides, but you kept going on them with me, even when no one else would. I guess I just thought….” I trail off, shaking my head. “Sorry. I guess I was wrong.”

I turn to leave, but before I can even unlock the door, I feel his hand on my wrist, pulling me back around to face him.

"What—?" I begin but then he presses his lips to mine, effectively shutting me up.

My whole body seems to relax as we kiss. I’m practically melting into him as he wraps an arm around my waist to pull me closer.

I cannot believe that we're having our first kiss in a porta potty.

We kiss for a long moment before he releases me.

“You weren’t wrong,” he murmurs, the corner of his mouth twitching into an almost smile.

“Okay.” I’m smiling stupidly, but I don’t care. I’m happy.

“Now, could you give me some privacy? I really do need to piss.”

“Right." I say, my face warming. “Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. It really is okay.”

"Okay." I smile and step out. 

Someone steps up to use the one I’ve just left, and I feel my face heat up even more as I say, “Sorry, still occupied.”

The guy raises his eyebrows at me, and I hurry away, back to where Penny and the others are waiting.

[fallershipping]

Looker x Anabel Retrospective

The absolute ultimate Retrospective post as to explain why I’ve been on this OTP since 2016. Especially made in mind with the idea that some new peeps on the boat may not realize the extent of the lore between these two characters. Feel free to read this or skip this if you want, because I did pour out my heart and soul and it can be kind of a lengthy read.

Enjoy~

So Looker and Anabel have been two existing characters in Pokemon for the longest time, with both being sort of beloved for different reasons but not too often thought about as compared to other NPCs. One’s a reoccurring comedy relief detective since Platinum and the other is probably the most memorable and strongest of the Hoenn Battle Frontier from Emerald.

But when SunMoon dropped, these two characters got a new lease on life that no one really saw coming. This special appearance made them go from NPCs I never really thought too much about to placing them as my top two favorite Pokemon characters of all time.

The UB Task Force mission, as much as a glorified fetch quest as it seems to be, continues some of the darker, more adult themes brought along with SunMoon. While the main story dealt with subjects of abuse and what it means to be a truly strong person in the case of hardships, the post game surprisingly delves into the corrupt side of a seemingly good organization and idea of sacrificing one life to save another. What appears to be another run of the mill Looker mission takes a dive into the tragic backstory shared between certain characters, and all of this lore was scrapped in the ‘definitive’ USUM games.

So while a lot of people might have played this portion of the game, many could have skipped it entirely or didn’t give the dialogue too much thought.

But you’re asking, why is it special? And why have I cared so much for a potential romantic relationship between Looker and Anabel enough to draw them as much as I have?

Haha. Buckle up buckaroo.

So right off the bat, Looker and Anabel’s banter sets up what kind of relationship they have with one another. They’re formal as coworkers can be, but the more they talk to one another, the friendliness that they share quickly becomes apparent. They also tend to speak highly of each other, no matter if the person is in the room or gone out.

And he’s not wrong! Looker is well aware of just how capable Anabel is for a guy that isn’t really known for Pokemon battles himself.

After the first UB on the list is securely captured, Looker insists on a feast for everyone to enjoy in one of Alola’s famous restaurants, in which Anabel points out asking how he had known of this already having just now arrived here. Looker, flustered, says that he’s read it in a magazine and dashes out to make reservations, cuing Anabel to react to his odd antics in a more...

Affectionate way.

Look at that lil smile.

He’s an odd fellow, for sure. A lot of characters in the past called him weird or were off put by his personality, but Anabel is very patient and sort of endeared by him. He constantly returns to the gang yelling “It’s a catastrophe!” in different languages-- And Anabel doesn’t snap at him angrily for it, but calmly asks him to repeat himself in english so that she can understand him.

During the course of the post game while Looker’s away, Anabel is always talking about him in a positive manner. Despite his quirks, she finds him a league of his own even amongst the elite of the International Police.

Despite this acknowledgment of Looker’s skill and ability, she seems to be awfully dead set on keeping Looker as backup in their base of operations.

Anabel knows how dangerous UBs are. They’re not human criminals that he can easily deal with with his own fists-- they are aggravated alien monsters. Her imagining Looker facing one of them alone without any Pokemon to defend himself with probably scares her deeply.

Scares her enough for her to constantly assign him to be backup for her and the Protag, despite his protests and his expertise in fieldwork.

And yet she never fails to remind him that he is important regardless of whether he’s on the field fighting alongside her or set to backup. Almost, in a way, finding a way to flatter him. (smiling at him as reassurance or perhaps even putting up a bit of charm) She is thankful for his help on getting intel and he’s a valuable asset to the mission, but she cannot bear the thought of her friend getting hurt when she can handle the UBs with her own fully trained Pokemon team.

However, despite her confidence, Anabel grows more and more fatigued with each UB encounter. Looker’s worry rises and he tries even harder to let himself take her place in the field.

As much as she also insists on not wanting to worry him, Looker’s usual goofy and eccentric demeanor begins to change. His speech patterns start to become more serious and his sentences trail off more often, which throughout all the games, is a rather rare sight to see. His care for Anabel brings out something vulnerable and emotional out of someone self proclaimed hard-boiled.

With all the respect he gives her and all the times he commemorates her aptitude, he still fears for her greatly.

And when a familiar character appears, we understand why.

Nanu comes in to talk about the truth behind Anabel’s reappearance in the series; much like the UBs, she came from another world through Ultra Space and ended up as what Interpol dubbed as a Faller. 

Fallers are bathed in the energy from ultra wormholes. Thus, UBs are attracted to these humans, mistaking them as a way back home and going on the attack. Back then, Interpol found a particular use for Fallers by using them to direct the attention of UBs away from public areas.

Which is what happened ten years prior to the events of SunMoon. Looker, Nanu, and a third member were sent to fight a Guzzlord. However, Looker hesitated in harming it further when it realized it was just scared monster sent here against it’s will. But his lapse in judgment cost the life of the third member, a Faller woman, to fall victim to Guzzlord’s attack.

Looker and Nanu took down the Guzzlord but learned the horrible truth about their companion, who was not trained in combat-- she was designated as bait, but the catastrophic results were a failure that shadows Interpol forever. Not long after, the two agents found a woman washed up Poni’s shore recollecting nothing about herself but her name; Anabel.

This is why Looker has been growing ever so worried for Anabel’s safety and why he even asked the champion in the first place to help. The protag is indeed a Faller as well. He thought he could be able to control the situation with having a fantastic trainer who befriended Solgaleo/Lunala to keep the UB outbreak in check-- To make sure Anabel was safe. After all, the protag is able to help the mission go along beautifully and safely capture each UB.

But not without a price. Anabel was still being hurt, and Nanu had to intervene to make Looker realize that he had made a big mistake.

After all, Anabel isn’t aware that she’s a Faller herself. Why doesn’t she know yet? Wouldn’t Looker tell her? Or Nanu?

It would appear as Interpol learned something after all these years, and isn’t really using her as Bait as they did before with the first Faller. Anabel is said to have autonomy over this and chose to save the UBs from a worse fate. Unlike the first Faller, she was properly trained for the UB Task Force missions and for many other Interpol related missions as her own strong, resourceful agent. However, Interpol is still quiet about her status as a Faller and anything relating to them from the past.

And Looker, years after the incident with Guzzlord, is now met with an Anabel with a newly built Interpol life determined to help people, Pokemon, and UBs in need no matter what. She absolutely believes in her successes and her cause. And she is adamant of going on these missions. Looker grows a bond with her and is faced with this troubling realization;

To tell her the truth would mean to collapse the whole world upon her.

After all... Having rebuilt her life, seeing her so confident, so passionate about what she’s doing... He sees her succeed in something he feels all too familiar with-- Starting from the bottom and creating an identity, somehow.

Having been found in the Battle Resort, washed ashore with no memory, not even a name to go by. Looker knows her pain more than anyone else. She needs to know about what she is going through-- But the uttermost pain she will feel and the lingering eyes of Interpol’s heads has been keeping him mortified and silent.

So he does anything and everything in his power to protect her in the meantime, before she can be told the truth. And with the way the Alola mission went, that time is coming up real soon.

However, with the protag and Nanu’s help the UB Task Force finally had every UB under control. And Anabel was kept safe and sound, much to Looker’s relief. They can finally enjoy some time off and no doubt will be in for quite a long, painful, but necessary conversation when the time comes.

Not of course before Looker going off into a slight panic over the idea of Anabel going on a date.

And that was the line that made me totally think “Oh yep, yep! Looker’s got a massive crush on her!”

SO! What’s the take away from all this madness??

The fact that Looker and Anabel care deeply for one another so much, as they go far too out of their way to protect each other from harm. Not just out of necessity, but their banter clearly shows that there’s a deeper connection between the two than just a professional coworker one.

You might argue that Looker is only worrying about her this deeply because of what he went through all those years ago and is trying to prevent the same thing from happening, and yet... He’s grown to appreciate and know Anabel for who she is. She is in fact her own agent that joined Interpol on her own volition and chose to do the UB missions due to her empathy to the lost beings so far from home.

He knows when she’s unwell, he knows why she hides it away. He understands her as a person and it’s wonderful how much they show that they grew to have a bond with one another. Enough for both of them to catch on to each other’s quirks and feel comfortable.

The small giggle that she gives him, the small yet playfully affectionate jab, the way it just says “Oh there he goes again thinking about the feast at this time... Just Looker being Looker~” Because she also knows him deeply as well! This man is not one of her best allies but one of her most trusted companions in this new life of hers and it shows!! 

They’re each other’s most trusted companions and their partnership is just wonderful to see.

Of course, romance can’t happen between them yet-- Not until Anabel knows the truth about Fallers and what Interpol did long ago. But let’s be honest, even the big angst/hurt/comfort fest that would come from that conversation would be a whirlwind of emotions that would just end up with them having an even stronger relationship than they’ve ever had before.

It’s not just that they look wonderful together, complement each other, and such-- It’s all those things plus the backstory and close bond and tragedy that comes from this mission. It makes me want to see them overcome every hurdle and be happy with one another and have all the joy and happiness they deserve after all they’ve been through.

I want to see them in more situations where they can be casual with one another, fight alongside one another, and so on so forth. They just have so much potential and I really think Game Freak sees it too.

And as for a lil bonus, Looker in USUM finding out the protag is the champion but is more impressed with Anabel’s knowledge than the actual champion. Also they’re always vacationing together mutually huh hmm wowie?

--

tl;dr go ship Looker/Anabel aka Fallershipping aka Lookabel best ship 10/10

[faejilly]

tag game

Fic Writer Edition (tagged by @silver-latin-and-salt​, tagging, idk, whoever is writing atm? @twistedsinews​ @leahazel​ @junemermaid​, anyone who’d like, no one who doesn’t, etc.)

Fandoms: atm, primarily Shadowhunters. But also BioWare: Dragon Age and Mass Effect and maybe someday I’ll post some Jade Empire.

Also the occasional other game or TV show or Yuletide inspired one-shot. It’s a wide and ridiculous range of things, from a Georgette Heyer regency epilogue to Code: Realize and #7kpp to Firefly & even some Sleepy Hollow ficlets from back in s1 before we realized how terrible TPTB were going to be.

Number of fics: I have 158 works published on AO3.

This includes a couple of fanmixes that are linked on there to companion fics/series, two collaborative fics which are not just mine, even less so than most writing that is, and four WIPs: two of which I am still working on, one of which will absolutely 100% NEVER ever get more, and then that last one will probably not get more but who knows, maybe in ten years we’ll do a reunion and try again (it’s one of the collabs).

AS WELL AS: forty-seven different ficlet collections, sorted by fandom and pairing(s), because otherwise I would honestly have almost 1000 things and never be able to find a single damn one of them when I wanted to (and neither would anyone else). Like, ten of them are just for Shadowhunters because I split up the coda-fic by season and then also I put the porn in its own thing and Clizzy is kind of a post-canon AU so they’re on their own too and spin-offs of a particular fic setting get their own collection so they’re all together and etc. etc. etc.

Fic I spent a lot of time on: Do we count time actually writing? Or just the amount of time it hung out in my head before I finished it? Because I probably spent the most actual physical writing time on Lost For Words, which is a frothy cotton-candy experiment in long-fic for Mass Effect that I posted chapter by chapter as I wrote it and actually finished. (I have never successfully repeated the experience, tho I suppose a couple of my Shadowhunters fics will sort-of qualify in terms of length when they’re done, but they didn’t get posted semi-regularly and in progressive chapters in at all the same way.)

In terms of time between debut and completion, that would probably have to go to Cruel Intentions, which took over five years between initially going up on the Dragon Age Kink Meme and actually getting a conclusion.

i am for you and if broken hearts were whole have both been lingering WIPs for over two years at this point now, though, and a couple other DA2 fics were pretty close to that five year mark as well. 😅

Fic I didn’t spend a lot of time on: ashes of angels because I was coming up on my bingo deadline so I just pounded it out in a day. (It’s actually quite good tho! I think so, anyway! I am very proud of it! Read part one first, if you haven’t yet!)

also Impossible, (DA2, Bethany/Sebastian, confessional!porn) which mostly wrote itself in pretty short order, which was delightful. (Tho I also had a very astute beta for that one; don’t think he’s on tumblr anymore tho, or I’d yell at him in thanks again.) I told y’all I had a priest!kink problem. Not that you hadn’t all noticed on your own, anyways...

Longest fic: Finished? The aforementioned Lost for Words at just over 62k.

In limbo? Persephone Rising is literally three times longer than my next longest fic (and still not done!) but it is also a collab fic with three authors, so I suppose that sort of evens out?

Active WIP? i am for you at 59k. I’m not sure how much more is left of that one, tbqh... it will probably end up a bit longer than LfW, tho maybe not by much.

Shortest fic: I have no fucking clue, 47 ficlet collections, remember? In terms of a thing that I forgot to collect, apparently it is Consequences, which is my Brosca after the Landsmeet in DA:O.

Most hits/Most kudos/Most bookmarks: ALL THREE FOR i am for you! (Wonder how it’ll do when it’s no longer marked as a WIP?)

Total word count: On AO3: 1,137,609 !!!

(Sorry, you can see why I had to make that big tho, right?)

Fic I want to rewrite/expand: Except for the revisions to what is now Maleficar, I much prefer to leave fic as is, once it’s up there, so nothing on the re-write front. It was what it was when I did it, and it’s important to remember that, even when you move on to new stuff, imo.

But! I have potential/hopeful sequels in the WIP folder for and breathing is wishing, out of some dreaming tree, with an if in its soul, and several assorted ficlet collections & prompts I’ve sort of teased over the years. 

Favourite fic of mine: At the moment, they have hung the sky with arrows because it’s a thing I’m not sure I ever really thought I was going to write, and then I did and I surprised myself a little, but it was fun and it ties together a lot of my thoughts on the Shadowhunters finale in a way I really enjoyed. (Also it has an actual plot! I don’t do that terribly often, I’m usually very introspective in my fic.)

Sneak peek of a WIP/Share an idea? I started a Shadowhunter!Magnus fic for a bingo square, but then scope creep! so I made a moodboard, but there is maybe a fic on the way... eventually. After my Bangs. 🤞🏻

The first time Magnus Bane met the High Warlock of Manhattan it was during his "travels", the two years after graduating from the Academy when most Nephilim wandered from Institute to Institute, seeing how things were done differently around the world, how they were still so often the same, learning about all the things you couldn't see in a classroom.

He wasn't actually in New York City in order to meet the High Warlock, of course, not as a 17-year-old foot soldier, that was well above his pay grade, as the mundanes put it. But when all the full-fledged Shadowhunters had work to do, he was assigned escort duty when the High Warlock showed up to do his yearly wards inspection. 

Magnus met High Warlock Lightwood at the main entrance, and almost swallowed his own tongue at the sight of him, a broad shouldered, long-legged white man dressed in a conservative but very well-tailored suit, with heavy eyebrows, even heavier eyelashes, and a complete and utter lack of anything resembling an expression on his face. 

A shiver went down Magnus' spine as he met the High Warlock's gaze, and he refused to think too much about why.

Magnus managed to introduce himself reasonably coherently, he thought, offering a hand to shake, but the High Warlock just raised an eyebrow at him. "I thought I'd talked them out of this nonsense last year."

"Uh." Magnus swallowed. The man was both terrifying and ludicrously attractive, and Magnus resigned himself to being a slightly stuttering idiot for the next four-to-six hours. "Not my call, I'm sorry to say. Sir."

The High Warlock rolled his eyes, and stepped forward. Magnus barely managed to dodge out of his way, and followed along behind him as he stalked towards the Angelic Core, where all the Institute Wards were anchored.

He never once acknowledged Magnus' presence as he worked, never asked for directions, or needed any sort of assistance. Magnus followed him anyway, and couldn't even bring himself to be upset about the waste of his time because damn, that view. He could see the shift of Lightwood's shoulders beneath the line of his coat, the tension in the muscles in his arms as each tiny motion correlated to whatever he was doing with his magic. There was so much power there, constrained and under his complete control.

The High Warlock never took so much as a wasted step in his clearly perfectly planned spiral of a route through the Institute's halls, circling out from the Core, stopping at each node, hitting all four corners of the building, before reaching the main doors again several hours later. 

Once there he finally turned and looked at Magnus directly. He dipped his head in some slight acknowledgement, straightened his cuffs, and his face shifted into something that was merely neutral and professional rather than granite. "There were no concerns to note, Mr. Bane. The wards have been refreshed, and the contract terms have been met."

"Thank you," Magnus managed, though he had to cough to get his voice to cooperate. 

The High Warlock's face softened, a hint of something that wasn't quite surprise in his eyes, but Magnus wasn't sure what to call it instead. "You're very welcome."

He nodded again, slightly more sincerely, perhaps, though there still wasn't enough of an expression on his face to properly qualify, in Magnus' opinion, and then he turned and left. 

Magnus blinked at the doors as they shut behind him, and let out one long slow exhale. His shoulders relaxed, and it was only now that his posture sagged that he realized he'd been extra tense the entire time, as if waiting for an attack that had never come.

[introvertguide]

Oh, You Thought That Movie Was Long...

So I told my housemates that I was going to watch Gone with the Wind and I would be in my room for a the afternoon. Sometimes they get a little noisy so I let them know when I am doing online tutoring or if I am watching a movie that I am reviewing so they don’t literally yell right outside my door. It is sad I have to tell them every time, but at least they respect my requests (especially when it comes to the tutoring). Instead of the normal “yeah, sure” or “no problem,” we ended up basically playing a game of who had seen the longest film and this culminated in a search for what the longest cinematic film of all time was. Here are some results if you ever get into this game or you want to challenge yourself:

Intolerance (1916): 2hr 43min, black and white, silent film

This movie is not all that long compared to others, but it is silent with really slow music and is split into 4 separate stories that don’t make a lot of sense due to the absence of dialogue. The film is on the AFI top 100 so I am going to have to watch it again sooner or later, but I am really not looking forward to it.

The Lord of the Rings (2001-3): 11hr 16min, trilogy

These movies kind of count because, although they were released separately, it is a continued storyline that was simply broken into 3 parts. Everyone in my house has sat down and watched all three movies consecutively at some point, but I don’t know if it counts because the films are split and everyone took long breaks in between films. I don’t think it is that hard to sit through these films but I am a fan of sci-fi and fantasy. If you are curious, The Hobbit series is quite a bit shorter at only 8hr 52min.

Gone with the Wind (1939): 3hrs 58min, longest film on AFI list

This is the longest running movie on the AFI top 100, but not by that much. There are a dozen movies that dip well into the 3 hour range, but this one beats out Lawrence of Arabia by 10 minutes. Gone with the Wind would actually be 15 minutes shorter if it weren’t for the extended credits, overture, and intermission. Just know you will need to put aside 4 hours to get through the whole thing.

Hamlet (1996): 4hrs 2min, longest movie I have made it through

I had to watch this for my Shakespeare unit when I was in high school and it turned out that I loved it. This is not only the longest movie I have seen, but also one of my favorites. I am a sucker for good Shakespeare remakes and this movie has every single line with nothing cut out. There are a couple of movies that I have seen that are longer, but I did not make it through them without a nap or a very long break. I made it through Hamlet in one sitting with no problems (maybe a bathroom break but that is it).

Amra Ekta Cinema Banabo (2019): Over 21 hours, Bangladeshi

I had to look this one up since I am not very familiar with films out of Bangladesh, but this is apparently the longest cinematic film ever made. Most all of the cinematic films over 5 hours tend to be from Asian countries or France, but this one wins hands down being almost 7 hours longer than second place. It is the story of citizens in the aftermath of the Bangladesh Liberation War of 1971. The film was made over a period of 9 years with 176 days of shooting and around 4000 artists and crew. This did make me more interested in learning about the history of Bangladesh and Pakistan and I am sure it is a fine film, but I don’t think I would be able to make it through this film because 21 hours is just such a long period of time. Maybe in many sittings over a week.

Logistics (2012): 35 days 17 hours; longest released film to date

So that you don’t have to Google it, the longest film that I could find that was actually released was an experimental art film out of Sweden that follows the creation and shipping of a pedometer in real time. The idea is kind of interesting, but I don’t have a month to check this out. Besides the people who actually made the film, I wonder if there is anybody who actually has seen this film in its entirety. I kind of hope not.

So there you go. If you want to play the “longest movie I can name off the top of my head” game or if you are extremely fortuitous and have a bonus question in a pub quiz, you’re welcome. Now excuse me while I try to take notes on Gone with the Wind without dozing off from the heat. It shouldn’t be too hard since I truly love the film, but you never can tell with an epic movie.

*Well, I got a note from someone named @actionbastard1​ who made a fine suggestion for this list in the form of the Erich Von Stroheim film Greed (1925). It is based on the great American novel McTeague and is part of the National Film Registry. This silent black and white contribution had an original theatrical cut that apparently ran over 9 hours for critical review and was 42 reels long. It was eventually cut up by MGM to the point it made no sense and only ran 140 minutes. A 1999 reconstruction was created to try and get a feel for the original cut that runs just slightly short of 4 hours.

[mobius-prime]

282. Sonic Universe #9

Knuckles: The Return (Part 1 of 4): Echoes of the Past (Part One)

Writer: Ian Flynn Pencils: Tracy Yardley! Colors: Jason Jensen

Man, I almost forgot how much I kind of miss the Knuckles-centric arcs. Say what you will about Penders and his writing, but I still stand by the fact that the KtE series was genuinely enjoyable for the most part. We open with Knuckles, Julie-Su, and Mighty taking a warp ring to General von Stryker's camp in the Sandopolis desert after having received a summons from him through Catweazle. Stryker gets right to business, accusing Knuckles of having lied to him. While that sounds bad, it turns out some of his scouts have found Finitevus' lab on the island and recovered a full documentation of his Enerjak project, meaning Stryker has found out that Knuckles wasn't actually in control of himself during the Enerjak fiasco.

You know, time and again, every writer that comes along still wants to make the dingoes these inherently bad individuals who are constantly looking for new ways to oppress and betray. If you ask me, Stryker should have begun his journey to redemption alllll the way back when he was captured by the Dark Legion along with Knuckles and Julie-Su in KtE#24. I mean, overall, Stryker himself actually hasn't done too many bad things - the biggest beef he had with the echidnas for the longest time was simply the fact that they were procrastinating on building basic goddamn housing for his people, which is absolutely something he had the right to be angry over. And while a lot of the other dingoes I wholeheartedly believe don't deserve to be redeemed - running concentration camps, and all - Stryker wasn't the one in charge of that, and ultimately never came across to me as a terrible person, just overzealous in looking after his people. I just don't understand why, after all of that, Ian has gone right back to portraying him as a bad guy, eager to take over the island or whatever and only looking out for number one. The dingoes could have been so interesting, man. So much wasted potential for gray morality there.

Anyway, Knuckles has left Vector and Ray in charge of Shrine Isle for the time being, and Ray gets excited when he looks over the edge of the island and sees that they're passing over Downunda. Vector offhandedly mentions that he got out of there as quick as he could when he was young, and Ray immediately latches onto this, asking again and again to know Vector's history in Downunda despite Vector's obvious discomfort at this line of questioning. Funnily enough, the two of them make mention of Vector apparently teaching Ray about how "fact-gathering is an important part of being a detective," even though there's been literally no hints whatsoever in this universe of Vector or any of the other Chaotix members being involved in detective work. They're detectives in the games and anime, sure, but not in the comics. Eventually, with enough prying, Ray convinces Vector to begrudgingly give up some info about his past.

There's silence after his little tale, and Vector initially thinks Ray is irritated at his ending the story so quickly, but then a scream for help alerts him to the fact that out of nowhere, a massive swarm of wing-dingoes (oh boy, remember those from the Tails Miniseries #2?) has swooped down and grabbed Ray to carry him off. Vector rescues him, but they find themselves surrounded and vastly outnumbered. Meanwhile, one of Stryker's soldiers has just finished taking Knuckles and his backup on some kind of sand worm to Finitevus' hideout, which turns out to be inside some dusty old ruins at the very edge of the island. Knuckles and Julie-Su head in amongst the buildings, while Mighty stays behind to talk to their driver, whom only he recognized - it's none other than good ol' Harry! Unfortunately, he seems quite downcast when Mighty asks him how he's been doing, and reminisces on how he always hated being in the military, but didn't have much of a choice when he was stuck in the pocket zone with the other dingoes, before Hawking restored them to the Prime Zone. From there he quit and enjoyed the simple life as a cabbie, even though he was always caught up in the schemes of the heroes.

…ouch, man. It's true that Harry was pretty much forgotten about during the whole Return to Angel Island plotline, being little more than a plot device for the heroes, but you'd think they would have given enough of a damn to take him with them, y'know? Mighty tries to apologize, stricken, but Harry just tells him that while he's not angry he's also not interested in dealing with the heroes' messes anymore, and after confirming they have a warp ring with them, heads back out on the sand worm, leaving Mighty feeling awful. He joins Knuckles and Julie-Su in the ruins, where Knuckles is busy musing about the architectural design of the huts and how it doesn't match usual echidna architecture. Julie-Su is annoyed with this preoccupation and tries to get him to focus on finding Finitevus, pointing out that echidnas aren't the only species that have settled on the island, but Knuckles stubbornly presses on, pointing out the pyramid in the center of the ruins and how it matches Albion's architecture, but not that of the surrounding huts. At this point, Mighty agrees that they should focus on Finitevus, so Knuckles reluctantly leaves his thoughts behind and follows them to the pyramid, which they break into.

It's easy to miss given how far back it's been, but the interior of the pyramid is nearly identical to that of the one Archimedes led him to in the Sonic & Knuckles special way back when. Mighty makes a thoughtless comment about how he'd thought that after Knuckles met his ancestors he would have learned everything about his history, and this pisses Knuckles off, as he now feels like even more secrets have been kept from him that he wasn't aware of. As they march on, back at Shrine Isle Vector and Ray continue to struggle against the wing-dingo attack, severely in need of backup.

Seems Vector is taking Espio's betrayal especially personally. Knuckles marches on quickly through the ruins, and right as Julie-Su tells him to slow down a bit and be cautious, the three of them fall through a false floor into a small chamber that immediately seals them in with lasers. Oh, also, the walls grow spikes and start closing in on them. Good luck, guys!

[bbyyoungblood]

I Believe In Us | e.d.

A/N: I wrote this fic starting at 11:00 pm, and it is currently 3:42 am. I got this idea and I could not stop writing. I hope it’s good. Sorry, it is not really edited! 

-

New Jersey was beautiful this time of year. Actually, New Jersey was beautiful all year around, but there was something about the leaves in the fall that warmed your seemingly cold soul. Maybe it was the memories of bonfires and pumpkin patches, or maybe the special boy with chocolate eyes after a football game. Whatever it was, it was beautiful and you could not believe you were back in your hometown just in time to enjoy it.

Thanksgiving break, your sophomore year of college, was when you decided you needed to come home. Your parents were recently divorced, your father running off with one of his partners from his law firm, leaving your mom to an empty house. Nothing broke your heart more than seeing your mom in pain, so you packed your bags and headed to Jersey. This was not the most ideal situation, seeing as you were only a sophomore, but you had been in an academic rut recently. So, as much as the series of unfortunate events hurt your mother, it was an excuse for you to change your future plans.

When you told your roommate, Lauren, that you were planning on leaving, she called you stupid. This was understandable considering everything you gave up to go to Stanford. It was a lifelong dream to walk across the stage at Stanford, but your spark for learning was no longer there, not when your heart was pulling you home. You tried cutting all possible ties when you left. You broke up with your boyfriend, deleted all your friends numbers, and even got rid of all social media. Looking back, this was the exact opposite of how you should have handled the situation, but your life in New Jersey was your whole heart. Cutting ties seemed less painful than slowly losing communication to the most important people in your life.

Thinking back on all the people you left behind was still hard to swallow, especially considering you were back for an undetermined amount of time. Trying to get this off your mind, you though a good walk through the crisp November air would help. So, grabbing your purse and putting on your coat, you called through your childhood home to your mother, “Mom! I’m running down to Garry’s! You want anything from the store?”

You heard rustling coming from upstairs and then eventually loud footsteps coming down. Your mother’s slowly aging face came into view as she started to reply, “Yes, actually. I’m making some chili tonight, can you pick me up a tomato or two?”

You scrunch your face at the thought of tomatoes, but nevertheless shook your head, “I can do that. I’ll be back in an hour or so, okay?”

She just nodded and started tidying up the kitchen. You could tell she was stressed, cleaning always being a way to channel her negative energy into something positive. Just as you were almost out the door, you heard her call out your name, “Y/N?”

“Yeah, mom?”

“Maybe stop by the Dolan’s on your way back home. Lisa told me that Ethan misses you.”

Your cheeks turned bright red at the thought of the dark haired boy who has held your heart for god knows how many years.

“Yeah, okay mom,“ and with that you walked out the door.

-

The walk to Gary’s Supermarket was longer than what you remembered, probably because the last time you had walked there was before you could drive. You didn’t mind it though, the leaves were bright reds and oranges this time of year, and it gave you time to think about your forever crush.

Mr. Ethan Dolan had you wrapped around his little finger since the day you were born, two months exactly after him. Lisa and your mother had been great friends in cosmetology school, even living together before meeting their spouses. Because your mothers were best friends, you and the twins were destined to be best friends. Only everyone believed you and Ethan were probably meant to be a little bit more than that, and they were right. Ethan would pick you up on the playground and dust you off, Grayson would pull your pigtails. Grayson loved you, of course, but he saw you more as an annoying little sister, not a beautiful girl that could do no wrong.

The two of you stayed close your whole lives, and as cliche as it is, you were each other’s first almost everything. He was your first kiss, as a dare you might add, when you were tiny seventh graders. Ethan took you to your first high school dance, where he would later become the first person you made out with. He would also be your first time after a football game your junior year, where he just looked so good covered in a thin layer of sweat. You and Ethan were inseparable for the longest time, but you never made it official, which meant girls liked Ethan and boys liked you.

Mason Longmoore was your first boyfriend, one of the only firsts Ethan wasn't lucky enough to hold. He was a rich fellow who loved golf and beer a little too much. He was good to you, for the most part, and Ethan still was your best friend. Mason, however, was absolutely not supportive of the Stanford acceptance letter you got halfway through senior year. He expected you to stay almost until you were boarding the plane with your carry-on by your side. Deciding that someone trying to hold you back, like Mason tried, was not what you needed, so you broke it off right there in gate six.

Gate six. Not only was this the gate you decided Mason was no longer your boyfriend, this was the gate you apparently decided that Ethan Dolan was no longer your best friend. Looking back you were not proud of what you did, but it seemed as if it was the right choice because you were trying to start over. You told Ethan that you loved him and that you were going to miss him, but that it would probably best that you didn’t stay in contact. This shattered the boy’s heart, he had been in love with you since freshman year. Actually, probably earlier, but he refused to admit it. That was the last time you had talked to Ethan, coming up on almost two years now.

Shaking your head at the bad memories that stupid gate held, you walked into the Gary’s, taking off your gloves and putting them in your coats pocket. The rundown supermarket looked exactly the same as it did back in high school. Walking down the isles was almost like muscle memory at this point. You grabbed a basket and started towards the produce. Considering the time of year, the tomatoes were quite sad looking and you didn’t know if you were going to find a good one in the bunch. Finally, though, after some searching, you found a decent one. But soon the tomato would be dropped to the ground after a voice coming from over your shoulder startled you.

“Y/N Y/L/N, I don't think I have ever seen you so close to a tomato before.”

You turned right around at the sound of his angelic voice and holy shit did he look good. Ethan was maybe a little bit taller, hair shorter, older, with stubble gracing his chin. “Oh my god, Ethan! You scared me!”

Ethan grinned from ear to ear with a slight laugh coming from his pink lips. “How are you? It's been what, two years?”

You frowned at the mention of how long it had been since you last talked to your childhood best friend. Realizing your furrowed brow, you smiled slightly, “Yeah, just about. I’ve been good. It’s good to be home, with my mom, you know?”

“I heard, yeah, my mom told me. I was actually going to-” Ethan was interrupted by a feminine voice behind him, followed by a beautiful girl placing her hand on his shoulder.

“Ethan, whose this?” This girl was gorgeous. She had brown skin with light eyes and a body that could be on a runway. She made you pull your jacket around your body, a habit you had when you felt insecure. Ethan looked at the girl, to you, then back to the girl.

“Uh Nyah, this is Y/N. Our moms are super good friends. Y/N this is Nyah,” there was a pause, “my uh, my girlfriend.” After what happened to your mom, you didn't think anything could hurt you anymore. You were wrong, though, because his words sent a sword right through your heart. Knowing that you couldn't show your hurt, you kept a smile on your face. Ethan, however, could tell a genuine smile from your fake one. He knew that your smile was not reaching your eyes. Trying to cover your heartbreak took a step back and sucked air through your teeth.

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Nyah. And good to see you, Ethan.” You needed to leave Gary’s and go back home so you could pretend this encounter never happened. “I would love to stay and catch up but my moms making chili and she needs this tomato, so I'm going to head out. Tell Grayson hello for me?”

Ethan’s face dropped just a little bit but he recovered soon enough, “Oh, yeah, of course. We’ll catch up later.” He waved at you as you practically ran away with a nod.

Nyah could tell that seeing this mysterious girl she had never heard anything about changed Ethan’s mood drastically. Concerned, she gave Ethan a look that seemed to ask ‘do I have anything to worry about?’

Ethan knew this look and just shook his head, because honestly, he had no idea.

-

Diner at the Dolan household was always an event, especially when all the kids were home. Well, Ethan was always home because he still lived there while attending the local community college, but when Grayson and Cameron were home too. Each child helped and had a ‘special role’ as Lisa called it. Cameron would help cut veggies, Grayson made desert, and since Ethan burns water when he cooks, he gets dish duty.

So, that's what Ethan was doing now. After an awkward run in with his first love and a dinner that made him gain twenty big ones, he was loading the dishwasher while his mom cleaned up the counter.

“So, uh, I saw Y/N today when I was at the store with Nyah.” Ethan glanced over at his mother to see she stopped wiping the counter at the mention of her best friend's daughter and was looking at him waiting for him to continue. “Maybe home for Thanksgiving or something. I don't know, we didn't get to talk long.”

Lisa sighed at her son and put the towel in her hand over her shoulder, “she's back for good actually. Rachael said Stanford was getting a little lonely, and with all the things that have happened lately, Y/N wanted to come home. She's going to start classes at C.C.C. after Christmas, I think.” Lisa knew about Y/N coming home for a long time but didn't know if telling him that the first person to break his heart was back in town would be a good idea. Ethan put up a tough front, but he was a softie.

Ethan’s ears perked up at the mention of Y/N taking classes at the same place he did, where his girlfriend did. “Central, really?”

“Apparently.”

“Hmm.”

Lisa frowned, “are you okay with her being back, after everything? I know you have Nyah now, but-”

Ethan cut his mom off, “I’m not going to breakup with Nyah just because Y/N is back.”

“Oh you know I am not saying that. I am just saying the you and her never got closure on whatever teenage feelings you had for one another.”

“Mom, we were just friends.”

“Mhmm.”

“We were!”

Lisa let out a laugh at Ethan’s persistence, “I am just saying you should talk to her.”

Ethan knew his mother was right, he never did get closure, and with you back, he didn't know if he could move on without it. He was happy with Nyah, she made him laugh, but he couldn't ignore the lingering feelings for you. “Do you think she has the same number?”

“I’ll text Rachael.”

-

“Mom it was so awkward! I hadn't seen him in forever, and he has a fucking-”

“Language!”

“Shit- sorry, freaking supermodel girlfriend?” The walk home from Gray’s was quicker than the walk there, maybe it was because you were trying to put as much distance between you and Ethan as possible. As soon as you arrived at your quaint little home, you word vomited about your encounter to your mom.

“Yeah, Nyah. Lisa says she's nice.”

“Ugh, of course she is.” You don't understand why you were so incredibly upset right now, you should be happy for Ethan because you broke his heart and now he's moved on. But the little devil on your shoulder is upset that he'd forgotten about whatever you two were, and you hadn't.

“Y/N, honey, why are you so worked up right now? You haven't spoken a word to him in what? Two years?” Your mom walked over to you and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, “I’m not sure what you expected. Ethan wasn't just going to sit back and wait for you to be ready for him.”

You scoffed, “Ready for him? Ready for what? Ethan were only ever friends, maybe you could've added a best in front of that at some point. But that's it!”

“Oh, Y/N. I know that's what you pretended yours and Ethan’s relationship to be, but I caught you two making out in the basement when I was doing laundry one time.”

“Mom! Oh my god, and you didn't say anything?”

“Of course not, Lisa and I have wanted you two together since the day I found out I was having a girl.”

“Mom!”

“Shush it. Maybe you should talk to him, I don't know, to get closure or something. Just so you're on the same page.”

“He has a girlfriend.”

“He does, and It’s not you. So, when you talk to him, you're going to respect that boundary and not bring it up.”

“Mom, what if he doesn’t want me in his life?”

Your mom sighed. It hurt her that it was even a possibility that Ethan might not want you in his life, considering you had just cut all ties with him. She understood, though, because when Ethan would come into the salon after you left for Stanford, she didn't see the sparkle in his eyes anymore. Ethan was hurt, for a long time. “Well, if that happens, then you respect that too.”

That last bit of advice your mother gave you hit hard. Ethan hadn't been in your life for a long time, but suddenly the thought of him doing the same thing you did to him made tears well up in your eyes.

Seeing how her words made your eyes watery, your mom gave you a tight hug, “his number is the same, I know you still have it memorized. Give him a call.”

-

A whole five days after the supermarket fiasco, Ethan had yet to push the ‘Y/N’ contact on his phone. He was overthinking it, he knew that, but what was he supposed to say? What do you say to your childhood bestie that you fell in love with after you haven't talked in a long ass time? Giving up, Ethan puts his phone down on the couch next to him while running a hand through his dark hair.

As Ethan let out a huff, Grayson walked in the door. “What're you doing just sitting on the couch? Isn't your girly-friend back in town, you said she was coming back today.”

Ethan looked up at his twin brother and nodded, “Uh, yeah, she's back.”

“Okay, cool, then why are you sitting here in the dark?”

“Jus’ thinking.”

“About what?”

“Y/N.”

Grayson was almost startled by his brother’s words, he hadn't heard that name out of his mouth in a long time. “Y/N?” he questioned.

“Yup,” Ethan wished Grayson would just shut up, not wanting to speak his thoughts out loud.

“You gonna give me some explanation was to why you are thinking about Miss. Stanford?”

“She's back.”

“Back, like for break, or?” Grayson’s words wandered off.

“Like back, back. Like taking classes at Central back. Like I ran into her at Gary’s while I was there with Nyah.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah.”

Grayson walked around the side of the couch to take a seat next to his brother. They sat in silence for a few moments before Grayson spoke up, “you gonna talk to her?”

Ethan ran a hand over his face and sighed, “Mom thinks I should, says I need closure or something. Gave me her number, even. I’ve been contemplating calling for a few days now.”

“What’s Nyah going to think about you meeting up with the girl who took your virginity?”

Smack. “Oh fuck off, Gray. Why do you have to be so gross all the time!”

“Ouch! I was just’ askin!”

The boys fell to silence again, this time a little longer, falling into deep thought about the girl Ethan once loved, or maybe still did. Grayson thought back to when she left them at the gate, after she broke his brother’s world. It made Grayson a little angry, what you did, but he also loved you like a sister still to this day. He wouldn't mind having you around a little more often. Maybe Nyah a little less, because she thinks Grayson lacks manners. He calls it spontaneity.

After weighing the pros and cons of you being back in his brother’s boring ass life, Grayson spoke again, “can I see your phone? Mines dead.”

Ethan just patted around the couch until he found the small object, handing it to Grayson. He tapped around on the device for a couple seconds before handing over to Ethan, “there.”

Ethan was confused and furrowed his brow, “huh?”

“It’s ringing. You should probably put it up to your ear now.”

“Oh my fuck! Grayso-”

“Ethan?”

“Hi, um, hi Y/n.”

-

Coffee. That's what you and Ethan decided would be the best way to talk. He had called you the Friday after Thanksgiving, and it was now Monday, the day you were meeting. To be completely forward, you were shitting your pants. You had no idea where the conversation would go, or what you two would even talk about and that made up nervous.

Looking down at you watch, you saw it was time to go, but your feet didn't want to move. Finally, after a few minutes, you got the courage to walk and grab your car keys before walking out the door to your car. He goes nothing, you thought.

-

“Nyah, I promise it’s just coffee!”

“No, Ethan! Grayson said-”

Ethan cut her off, not caring what stupid shit Grayson decided to poison his girlfriend’s mind with, “I don't care what Grayson said! All that should matter is that I’m saying it’s just coffee!”

“She was your first time, right? You loved her, right?”

Fucking Grayson. “Nyah, come on. It's not a big deal. We grew up together and just want to catch up.”

“So there's nothing going on, no feelings?”

“Nada.” Ethan was a liar.

“Promise?”

“Mmhm.”

Nyah just sighed and walked towards Ethan, “I’m sorry I yelled.” She was such an amazing girl, Ethan didn't know why she would ever be with someone as un-put together as him.

Ethan hugged her and smiled slightly, “Its okay, I understand.” He looked down at his phone and saw the time, he had to go. “As much as I’d like to stay, I need to go. See you later?”

“Yeah. I love you.”

Ethan let go of Nyah and walked towards the door, glancing back and giving her a smile.

Ethan didn't say it back.

-

“Oh goodness, or that one time when you pushed me on the swing so high I fell off and broke my ankle!” You were laughing so hard talking to Ethan you were crying. When he first arrived at the coffee shop, it was a little awkward. Getting past the ‘what's new’ crap always was. Once the two of you started talking about old memories, everything fell into place, it was like you had never stopped communication.

“Man, we had some amazing times when we were younger, didn’t we.” Ethan loved reminiscing with you, it was so great, but he knew you were going to ask about Nyah soon.

“So.”

“So.” It was getting just a little awkward again.

“So, Nyah, she seems great.” There it is.

“Nyah, yeah she's great. Super smart and beautiful.”

“Yeah, I bet.” There was a slight pause in your words, “How'd the two of you meet?”

“Um, school. She moved here with her parents last year, we had a couple classes and just hit it off.” There was more to their meeting but Ethan was not going to go over the gory details.

“Oh, nice!”

“Totally. So what about you? Anyone special?”

Just you, Ethan, you thought, “Uh no, actually. I was just super school oriented, I never really had time to socialize.”

“Ahh, I see.”

You should have never brought up Nyah, things were going so incredibly well, things between you and Ethan felt okay again. After that you fell into silence, just sipping your coffees in peace.

After what felt like an eternity, you spoke up, looking him right in the eyes. “E? Are you happy?”

This question startled Ethan, because two weeks ago, yeah he was happy as can be. He had friends and a good job and a fucking smoking girlfriend, everything someone needs to be happy, right? Now, though, he didn't know. You sitting in front of him right now made him aware of the you sized hole in his heart. Everything was different in a matter of days and it was kind of making his head spin. Remembering the love the two of you shared, Ethan wasn't quite sure he felt much for Nyah. That makes him a shitty person, he knows, but you were back and that changed things. Figuring he can't leave you hanging for much longer for a reply, “I’m not really sure.”

-

As the days came and went, they turned into weeks, which then turned into a month and now it was Christmas. Throughout the month of December, you hung around the Dolan household like it was the old times. You and Ethan played tricks on Grayson, and you had sleepovers with Cameron. You felt at peace with yourself again, for the first time in a long time you felt complete.

Now, you were getting ready to go over to Ethan’s house for Christmas lunch. Lisa was nice enough to invite you and your mother over to celebrate with her family considering that you two didn't really have any. Also, your mom was her best friend, and with you close to her kids again, there was nothing more than Lisa would like to see than everyone together.

After putting on some makeup and the cheesiest Santa sweater you could find, you were ready to head over to the lunch. Looking out the window, you saw big while flakes falling from the sky. New Jersey in the fall was your absolute favorite, but snow covered Jersey was a close second.

“Honey? You might want to pack an overnight bag just incase the weather gets bad enough, okay?”

You just nodded at your mother's request, excited for the day to come.

-

“Is Y/N coming over?”

Ethan rolled his eyes at his girlfriend, “Yes, her and her mom, Rachael.”

Nyah groaned, “She's always here, Ethan. I thought family Christmas lunch was for family only. Hence the family.”

“Y/N and Rachael are family.”

“Your ex and her mom are not your family.”

“Ny, why are you always trying to pick fights about this?”

“Because you love her Ethan!” Ethan was completely shocked by not only her tone, but her words.

“What in the hell are you talking about?”

“I see it in your eyes, E. Its the same way you used to look at me.” Ethan’s heart hurt at the way Nyah’s eyes made him feel ashamed for loving another woman when he was supposed to love her. Ethan just looked away and shut his eyes.

“Nyah.”

“No, don't deny it, that makes it worse.”

“I’m so sorry. I wasn't trying for this to happen, she just popped back into my life, all the feelings with it.”

Nyah nodded. She understood, because if her ex-boyfriend, one who tragically passed, came knocking on her doorstep, she would've left Ethan too. “Don't apologize for how you feel. You can't help it.”

“I never wanted this to happen. I liked you, maybe even loved you, Ny, but Y/N, she's got my heart.”

She nodded again, “I think I am going to go. Tell your mom I say thank you for inviting me here today.”

Ethan looked towards her with a sympathetic smile, “Do you want a ride home, it’s the least I can do.”

“No, I drove here.” Ethan just nodded, not knowing what to say. Nyah grabbed the few things she had laying around Ethan’s room, putting them in her back before reaching for the door. As she opened it, she looked at Ethan and smiled, “You better tell that girl you love her, or this would all have been for nothing.”

“I will, I promise.”

“Good.” And with that she walked out of his bedroom for the last time.

Ethan did feel a little sad, he had really deep feelings for Nyah at some point and a million and a half good memories. But, as much as he was sad, he was relieved because he could finally tell you how he felt.

“E? Where’s Nyah going? We eat in like, twenty minutes.” Grayson says as he walks into Ethan’s room eating a roll.

“We, uh, we just broke up.”

“Damn, on Christmas? Why?”

“Y/N.”

“Figures.” When Ethan said that it was because of you, Grayson had no doubts. He was happy knowing you made his brothers world spin. “Well, she's down stairs if you wanna talk to her?”

“Yeah, actually, I think I will.”

-

Ethan made his way down the stairs and down the long hallway, palms sweating all the way there. He couldn't really believe that after all you two had been through that you were going to end up together, hopefully at least. As he made his way into the family room, he saw your smiling face talking to his grandparents. This sight made him so incredibly happy. Feeling as if ten minutes before food was served was the best time for his love confession, he walked over to you.

“Hey Grandpa, can I steal Y/N away from you?” Grandpa just nodded his head, smiling at his grandson. As he pulled your arm out of the room and up the stairs you looked at him quizzingly.

“Where are we going?”

“My room.”

“Why's that?”

“To talk.”

When you reached his room, he shut the door and ushered you towards his bed, sitting you down. You looked at him standing in front of you, worried, “Ethan?”

“Nyah and I broke up.”

This shocked you. As much as it hurts to watch them together over the last month, you thought they were cute. “What? Why?’

“You.”

“No, what? Why would you do that?”

“Stop listen, Y/N. I have loved you since you wore diapers and had uneven pigtails. I loved you when Tommy Silva pushed you on the playground, and when we got dared to kiss in middle school. I loved you at all the homecoming dances we went to together, and the ones we didn't. I loved you when you were under me, in this bed, and I loved you when you were all the way on the other side of the country trying to live out your dreams. I have loved you forever and I honestly cannot imagine my life without you anymore. We have been apart before and I never want to experience that again.”

“Oh Ethan.” You were speechless.

“You taught me to be in this world, to live, to feel no hurt. You know my dad always used to say you got to believe in something, and I am choosing to believe in us.”

“Yeah, E, I believe in us, too. I believe.”

You grabbed his face and kissed his lips, something you had been waiting a long time to do.

You know you said that you loved New Jersey in the fall, but really, you just loved Jersey because that's where Ethan is.