#Apparently there's been some weird astrological events happening | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

maybe-homestuck-now-or-something · 4 years ago

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I really wanna talk about homestuck in relation to this post but like, idk if I wanna add to it because it might be a total derailment of the topic but homestuck is such a weird apocalypse narrative.

like... the way it handles it is so odd because earth itself is not very well characterized before the characters leave it. the characters themselves are massively well characterized, and that takes up the bulk of the narrative, but like... we never even hear them talk about school? or much of anything more than their shared interests and what's immediately happening to them. and in a way, that is kind of authentic. because when kids get together to hang out, the last thing they ever wanna talk about is dry, boring stuff about their mundane lives. they'll mostly just yell memes at each other, talk about anime, play video games... it's possible to simultaneously know nothing about your friends, but feel closer to them than ever, because you're mostly around for the parts of their life that they want to experience when they're having the most fun. you see them as they are when they have the most agency to choose that. and that might be totally divorced from the reality of how their day-to-day life unfolds.

in this way, homestuck presents these characters as people who have shed that mundane portion of their lives. they are now left with only the part that they typically share with their friends. and in reality, if a SBURB type apocalypse were to literally happen to you, it'd be traumatic as hell. but this is the place where homestuck chooses to ask you to suspend your disbelief. let's just believe that John didn't have any other friends or family to think about when the world ended. let's pretend they left zero people of any interest whatsoever behind. all they are shaking off is the society that they were obligated to participate in so mundanely. they no longer have to make any compromises with anyone... they get to fully center themselves.

okay, so that's obviously not entirely true... playing SBURB is a cooperative experience, and being friends with someone doesn't always mean that your relationship is easy. but homestuck allows the narrative to become self centered. it's about one individual and the tiny sphere of influence they have, among solely the people they've developed meaningful bonds with. it allows them to become a case study.

so when the world ends, the world is not necessarily what matters. what matters is the identities of a few specific individuals who we spend a lot of time cultivating our own connections with as a reader.

and that all becomes incredibly interesting when you consider classes and aspects.

basically, in terms of the post linked above, classes and aspects are the harry potter houses, the factions, the "what bender are you" or MBTI type... they're not the only way you could categorize the characters, but they're the most universally applicable to all of the characters that are important in the narrative. and what's interesting is just like... what classes are for, and how complicated it actually is to know what aspects are, or what they mean.

starting with classes, these are basically a series of archetypes that are specialized so that everyone has a role to play that makes them uniquely valuable to a collective. if we're considering this in terms of DnD, you can think of what classes might make for a balanced party, and how having a balanced party makes it satisfying to play the game. no one player could handle everything on their own, and at the same time, everyone feels needed. nobody is useless.

this already seems fundamentally different from some of the means of categorization that I listed above. a lot of these systems are meant to divvy up the characters into societally recognized in-groups and out-groups... people who can be identified as allies or enemies. even if the groups are ascribed certain archetypal skills, the goal is rarely so explicitly for the archetypes to work together, or cover each other's weaknesses. Avatar is probably what comes the closest to this idea, with its underlying endeavor to find harmony between the elements, but homestuck uses classes both as a way to communicate unique specialization, and as a way to unify the characters by their need for support.

and that's a little weird isn't it? these characters just shed all of their obligations to a broader society, and we're taking that as a freeing event... right? but there is a difference between society and community, and while homestuck might use the destruction of society as a catalyst for adventure, it uses the formation of community as the driving force behind the story's progression. the characters are all motivated to work together and help each other... and that doesn't always mean that it works. even within a community, one person's drive to center themselves and their own personal growth can trample others who were trying to do the same thing. perhaps not everyone in the community consents to being cooperative. perhaps the difference in archetype could drive someone to become competitive instead. and these are all value-neutral observations... no archetype is specifically acknowledged as being evil, even when they have friction with one another.

basically... this is character writing. and I find it funny that these broad categories that kids like to identify themselves with are seen as ways of flattening characterization into broad strokes like "the brave one" or "the sneaky one" or what have you, because in the case of classes, the characterization becomes deeper. and I think that's because the categories are used well... the characters all have specific relationships with the stereotypes they're ascribed by others, and the archetypes they're told they must fulfill. the classes don't define them, but they do give them something to contend with. can they fulfill their role? can they live up to their purpose? is there a place in the story for someone with an archetype like theirs? do they want to be this?

aspects get even trickier, and for this I might just link to a video I really love that covers a lot of the thoughts I've been having. it's kind of front loaded with a lot of technical talk about computer science and philosophy, and tbh I love that homestuck does actually link up those concepts with so much of it's presentation, but the main bit that intrigues me is the way the video talks about aspects as irreducible components of thought. like the periodic table of elements, but for ideas.

this drastically elevates the importance of each character's assigned category, and makes it function so much better as a tool for characterization. because, like, the aspects are actually really abstract. when someone says their aspect is "wind" or "light" you could take that 100% literally if you wanted to... but by the time you've read enough of homestuck to connect those to John and Rose, you probably understand that it's not that simple. and other concepts, such as astrology, have taught you that this is the sort of system that you're supposed to interpret, right? what is a capricorn if not a loose collection of traits that give you a certain vibe? that's what we're working with when it comes to aspects. otherwise, how would you know what void, or doom, or mind are? tbh it's actually pretty genius that astrology was worked into the comic as an aesthetic element, just so we'd all be mentally primed to do this kind of categorical interpretation... hell, even the actual signs themselves constitute a framework with which you could analyze the characters, like, how does Nepeta display typical leo traits, or how is Vriska a stereotypical scorpio... it all still works, even as you understand that each individual is more complex than the traits which support that interpretation.

in this way, the aspects are never really explained exhaustively verbatim, and are almost solely defined by the traits you've observed from individual characters, who act as representatives for what these categories actually are. or at least how they function in this instance, which is what's relevant. it's not just superpowers, and it's not just archetypes... it's both at the same time, and you come at them from a character-first perspective when you're trying to figure out what they mean. the characters inform your knowledge of the categories, and the categories act as a framework for analyzing the characters. and I love how homestuck tricks you into assuming that it has a lot of little rigid categories for the characters to slot into, and how quickly it becomes apparent that everything is way more abstract than it first appears. and yet, it all still means something. and it's really interesting to, say, compare two different time players to try to piece together what is typical for that archetype, while also accounting for their class, and trying to understand how that changes the roles they play and the ways they behave. and then you have the trolls' caste system on top of that, and the astrology angle I mentioned earlier, and there are honestly so many overlapping ways to think about it all, and I think that's the point.

#homestuck #classpect #my rant

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kohakhearts · 3 years ago

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Time-Worn Tradition

When Rinwell brings it up, Alphen thinks he does remember festivities around midwinter, before battle and strife began to drain the Dahnans' spirits entirely. He's just not so sure about the extravagant decorations, or the...weird plants. But when everyone is so invested, what can he really say? It’s just two weeks, right?

fandom: tales of arise rating: t relationship(s): alphen/dohalim, alphen & shionne tags: fluff, humour, post-canon, holidays, getting together word count: 19k read here

Rinwell calls it an “astrological event,” something about the alignment of the planets and the stars, something about shifting seasons.

Alphen isn’t really following, until she says, “My people were the first to celebrate midwinter, but festivals still happened even after they all went into hiding. At least, that’s why my parents told me, but not many of our old traditions survived, and I doubt other Dahnans’ did either.”

Alphen straightens up, blinking. “Festivals? What, like—celebrations?”

She nods enthusiastically. “For about two weeks, until the end of the shortest day of the year. What we found, well—I’m not totally sure, but I think it’s a relic of one of those.”

Right. After sitting and listening to her lecture for so long, Alphen has almost forgotten that the whole reason they’re even talking about this at all is some new artefact she and Dohalim have uncovered for their exhibit. They still haven’t even shown it to them, though.

Kisara, at least, has been listening intently this whole time. On the other side of the room, Shionne and Law are bickering about dinner; Rinwell apparently wrote them off as a lost cause two hours ago.

“So,” Kisara says slowly, “you want to celebrate?”

Rinwell beams at her. “Yes! There are some things I learned from my family, and there might be more we can learn from this, so…”

Alphen’s mind is still on festivals, though. Midwinter…festivals…it sounds so oddly familiar, but…

“It seems to be some sort of candelabrum,” Dohalim tells them. “What Rinwell and myself came across, that is.”

“Right!” Rinwell gestures to something on the small table just behind her (is that the artefact? Alphen just assumed it was a part of the décor; Rinwell and Dohalim haven’t really gone about making this place look…conventional, to say the least). “It should fit five candles, and each one of them is marked differently. It took us a while to figure it out, but I think…they’re supposed to represent each of the Dahnan elements. The season spans twelve days, so five is a strange number if one is supposed to be lit each day, right? But on the last day, there’s a big feast, so I think it’s actually a centrepiece. And the candles are representative of coexistence—because no one is supposed to fight in the spirit of midwinter, you know?”

Law and Shionne are both looking at Rinwell again, now with great interest.

“What’s this about a feast?” Law asks.

Rinwell rolls her eyes. “Do you even think of anything other than when your next meal is?”

“It’s important for your muscles,” he protests. “Besides, who wouldn’t be excited about a feast?”

Alphen watches them for a moment, while Shionne nods in approval of Law’s remark, thinking about—feasts, coexistence, the spirit of midwinter…

“Well, if it means you’ll help—”

“I remember!” Alphen whirls around to face a startled Rinwell.

“Remember…what, Alphen?”

#tales of #arise #alphalim #*fic #mine #merry christmas yall

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lambourngb · 4 years ago

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re: your tags on that one post abt plotholes in rnm: what are the plotholes that make you lose the most sleep?

(this is my main btw, my rnm blog is @curlyguerin )

Hi! Okay... strap in, because there are a lot of little and big things that wiggle into my thoughts and makes me wonder ...am I the only one who couldn't follow that plotline?

In my opinion RNM suffers more from abandoned narratives and continuity errors than plot holes I guess, since we only have 2 seasons, with at least 2 more to go I guess I can hope they come back to these issues... but: [Under the cut plus some spoilers for season 3]

Things I would like explained :

1. What did Jesse Manes fund with family money in 1x08 ? I'm guessing it was surveillance of the town and the search for more aliens that could have escaped the military in 1947-1948. The idea that Jesse funded Caulfield is just laughable to me, along with how he was able to get his Army-assigned son moved from Germany to New Mexico for 5 years and no one noticed?? Caulfield has to be separate from whatever Jesse was doing in Roswell. Clearly there is still an ACTIVE military project focused on aliens because Flint isn't AWOL, Flint also takes Noah's body to Area 51, so where was Jesse in violation of his orders (Alex's threat to Jesse in 1x08 and then shipping him to Niger)? Surveilling citizens and setting up cameras all over town?

2. Did they ever build an Air Force base on the Fosters Homestead Ranch? (1x01-1x02) ...then it's never mentioned again.

3. I am aware I am the only one who cares about this little bit, but the show seemed to set up a narrative in season 1 about the spotlight Roswell shined white victims of crimes - like Katie and Jasmine, that the town of Roswell holds quite a lot of racism regarding justice- vilifying Rosa for over 10 years, ignoring the deaths of people around Ranchero Night, and then Noah kills Wyatt Long's best friend Hank Gibbons in 1x13. I dunno, I was expecting more from Wyatt in season 2 about this than picking a fight with Michael over Mimi's missing persons sheet and showing up with a crossbow in 2x04. And like, there was a theme of people going missing in season 2!! Mimi, Jenna, the weird twins from 2x06, Charlie -- but yet, no closer scrutiny by Sheriff Valenti other than her focus on Max Evans and the story about Mexico- Like this felt not like a plot hole, but a dropped narrative -- to wrap up the fate of Racist Hank in a missing persons sheet in 2x01. To treat him weirdly like all of Noah's other victims (who were women and men of color and poor), but for a few factors like he was white, he had actual lines in the show over a couple of episodes, and he's one of the few townspeople we learn his first and last name still sticks out in my mind as strange. The Doylist explanation is the actor wasn't available for season 2, but the Watson-perspective of this is just someone the in-show universe doesn't care about ...? Okay. I will keep that in mind, and try to ignore the fact that the town of Roswell swings wildly back to caring about white victims again in 2x13 with Jesse Manes.

4. The Alighting from 1x13 - just how far away was it from happening? Noah was ready to stick a sheriff's deputy, the town event planner and Michael (who probably would be been the only one to go missing without much fanfare, except maybe by Alex) into a pod...for how long? Months? Years? What was his endgame? how did he expect to go unnoticed by the town while he waited for his alien salvation/alien UBER to arrive? Could he just mindwarp everyone into forgetting about the pod squad? Since we didn't see any alien ships show up in the six months from 1x13 to 2x13, and no further follow up by any of our heroes about what Noah was babbling about... I'm going to say this should come back into play for season 3, otherwise it's the most egregious plot hole from season 1.

5. Why did Flint want to work with Helena? Jesse had this master plan that Helena knew all about apparently but she never shares the plan with Flint? Jesse never shares this plan with Flint either? Why? As far as I can tell from the plot of season 2, Jesse takes the console piece from Alex, he was going to kill Alex to keep him out of the way, use the console to blow up civilians, he created a paper trail that pointed the finger at Max, and then when everyone knew the truth about aliens, he was going to use HIS atomizer bomb to release the toxin that Charlie had already developed for Project Shepherd to kill all the aliens.... WHY would Flint want to stop that, especially since they fight in 2x11 over how slow Jesse was moving in his plans? Other than objecting to killing Alex, why would Flint turn Alex over to Helena to blackmail Michael into building a second atomizer bomb? He should have just kept Alex out of the way until it was all over and let Jesse proceed with his plans. Flint's desire to work with Helena Ortecho remains a plot hole to me, that is explained in the most flimsy way of he thinks his dad isn't serious about killing all the aliens even though he has the means? And if he takes Alex from Jesse's control so easily, why not steal the bomb Jesse had too?

6. These are more gripes about continuity, not really plot holes, but the fact we have this loose timeline of events but it doesn't match the weather of filming.... Like Heather Hemmens looked so gorgeous in that little silk outfit in 2x01, but she's wandering outside in Dec in Roswell New Mexico looking like that. I get that it was filmed in August/Sept of 2019 but come on... so my main frustration is I have no idea what season and month is supposed to be on screen. Universe timeline says Winter but filming schedule meant it was early fall with still having the heat of summer there...then the show ends in May/June in the universe, but we all know RNM wrapped in Dec 2019/Jan 2020 so they are all bundled up in winter again.

7. Also on continuity, small things like Rosa's birthday being wrong, the fact her astrological sign isn't Pieces for either date, openly letting Greg Manes see Rosa, not seeming to care that Liz's ex-fiance hears that Rosa is alive - like i'm sure her "dead" sister came up in conversation between Liz/Diego

- the show gives us this beautiful conversation with Michael sharing his background with Alex in 1x10, but then Alex completely forgets it in 2x04 by dropping some line like "this is what you do with family" when Michael expresses confusion about a height chart. Also, on the same note- the jabs about the Library being a dive bar, also felt like a drop in continuity because Alex knows that Michael just lost his mom (1x12) , the government IS studying aliens, and his brother is in a pod, so like, he has some very valid reasons to drink if that's what he wanted to do with in his life in early season 2!! but, also he knows Michael is a genius??

- Why Alex never mentions Rosa, Isobel's blackouts/why Michael gave up UNM, or even hint about what happened with his dad in the shed during his conversation with Maria in 2x05 is also beyond bizarre to me. It was an "information" dump conversation that Alex still doesn't share all the information he has about a situation and just ends up looking kind of judgmental in my opinion.

- the truck conversation in 2x06 between Maria and Alex, why Maria prompts a girl's name when Alex says he's never been in a real relationship INSTEAD of addressing the very real elephant in the room, Michael Guerin, that they had a conversation about in 2x05- also feels like a gap in continuity.

8. Science wise- the pathogen that Charlie developed? It was supposed to be so specific that it could kill a leader of Al Quada and all of their direct descendants but leave the rest of the population unharmed. [Which um, that's a war crime, but whatever!] How was Maria affected? the DNA they had at Caulfield to develop it - like, Maria was descended from Louise and Louise lived free. The only person that pathogen SHOULD have affected was Michael (if they used Nora to base it on) Unless you're telling me that there's some protein in "alien dna" that is so specific to aliens, that no other human shares it, but also so completely undetectable that Kyle couldn't find it in Maria's blood... ? I suppose it's possible. I hope we get more explanation about that in season 3. It makes me wonder why Caulfield/Project Shepherd ever let Patty Harris go after she volunteered for some study then, and remained content to just pay her medical bills through a fake insurance company? [But also didn't flag Mimi and all the doctors that Maria took her to???]

9. Michael's hand. I'm going to reserve judgment about this, because some of my salt on this is based on season 3 promo pictures, but I really thought that moment in 2x13 when he takes off his hat, while Alex is singing, you see him without the wrapping on his hand, that maybe he found some peace with Jesse dead and demolishing the shed with Alex. But then it looks like the hand-danna is all over season 3, right up until the finale of season 3, so... was that a mistake in wardrobe AND not a beautiful moment of character growth??? I wish I could extend some grace to RNM about that, but alas... see above for why I have trust issues.

10. Perhaps I wasn't watching season 1 closely, but I thought Noah's madness was brought on by the fact he was stuck in his pod? That it was "lower class travel accommodations" and Isobel's scream at 13 got his attention? I assumed that he stayed in the pod, possessing Isobel on and off, right up until he used her body to kill Rosa in 2008, absorbing enough power to break out. So how did Noah find Jim Valenti so quickly? If it was through Isobel's memories, then why did Jim not immediately have Noah, some random alien approaching him about his recently dead daughter, hauled off to Caulfield? Jim pays $1,000 for Rosa's body, putting her in a pod [Noah's broken pod??] and stores her, waiting for...something? An alien to come along to bring her back. So did Jim know about The Savior? Why would Jim work with Noah and vice versa? Again, I'm hoping we get more about this in season 3.

11. Was there a point of keeping Alex in the Air Force? He arranges a place for them to work on bringing Max back, but I feel like anyone could have done that? Like Isobel had money, she could have rented a storage facility. All of the equipment was borrowed from the hospital, not the military. The information about 1947-1948 was from the drives decoded from Caulfield or the AAR report left by Flint in the Project Shepherd bunker (which again was decommissioned, not an active military installation). I could support the decision if it had provided some richness to the plot or some conflict within the character, neither of which really happened. Alex hacking the government and going undercover in the Air Force to protect Michael is basically fanon. I love that fanon, but alas...

12. Finally, the time jump. What year are we jumping into? 2020? 2021? Why does it make me think none of those questions above will be answered.

#rnm thoughts #season 3 thoughts #very long post #season 2 had tons of important conversations happen off screen #and tons of ooc conversations happen on screen #hopefully that changes in season 3

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4birds-of-a-feather · 4 years ago

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Chapter 27 - Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight (when it’s exactly twelve o’clock that night) [part 4]

Birds Of a Feather

Today is Sara’s birthday (both the author and the fictional one!) so we decided to come out of our usual hiatus to post a silly update and let y’all know that we’re grateful to have such wonderful, loyal readers that haven’t given up on us ✨ Hope you’re gonna enjoy this!

(In the previous chapters: the game of Never Have I Ever has been intense, to say the least, and now the guests are left to go on with the party with the aftermath of thoughts and memories that the game brought up)

The game finally ended and, unsurprisingly to everyone, Elias was the undisputed winner. Nevertheless, he laughed it off, saying he just lied and avoided drinking when he could have done it because he’d rather have the others get drunk so he could make fun of them. The gang didn’t even pretend to believe his version. They hated him more when Layla came up with the idea for the prize. Elias was already rubbing his hands, expecting a kiss or something similar, but it turned out the girl wanted to award him by revealing to him the solution to her previous game. “Sorry, Layla, but I gotta tell you, you don’t know what you just did there” Mike shook his head as she walked him by with two full glasses in her hands. “Hehe, what?” she stopped to talk to him and after an awkward couple of seconds handed him one of the drinks. She had meant to catch up with Eddie, offer him the drink, drink up her stronger one for some liquid courage, and tell him that she liked him. But now there she was, talking to Cready, and didn’t want to seem rude, keeping the alcohol to herself. “You put a big weapon in the hands of the wrong person, that is Elias. Now the guy’s gonna go to every girl in the room and use it as a bargaining chip to get something out of it” Mike explained keeping a straight face, something that made her laugh in his face “Don’t laugh, I’m not joking!” “You’re an evil genius, how did you come up with such a plan? I bet Elias didn’t even think about that!” “Uhm, I don’t know… but I bet you didn’t think about it. Or you’d have already used it with a certain someone…” he remarked and hid his smile drinking a sip from his glass. “What the hell are you talking about, Michael? You’re drunk” Layla tried to sound dismissive but was actually smiling. “I’m talking about things, you know. Things that should be done. And if you’re gonna do things, New Year’s Eve is the night – I mean, it’s the mother of all nights, isn’t it?” “The mother of nights to do… things?” Layla asked with an arched eyebrow. “Exactly. Like, it’s New Year’s Eve! It’s a big event” “A big doing-things event” the girl nodded suspiciously. “You almost feel like you have to do things tonight” “Ok but no. This idea of having to do things... it’s kinda cliché. Isn’t New Year’s Eve just so overrated?” “Maybe. I guess you don’t need to ring in the New Year doing things… if you actually do things during the rest of the year too. But if you don’t…” Mike didn’t finish his sentence, keeping the weird theoretical conversation on a very practical matter going. “And what if I wanna start doing things tomorrow?” “Well, it’s almost tomorrow, so...” he shrugged and took Layla by her wrist, showing her her own watch. “Half past eleven? Already?” Layla emptied her glass at once and handed it to Mike, then left and went around the apartment looking for someone, finally determined. <New Year’s resolution #1: doing things>

♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️

Sara was quietly sipping on her fruit punch when the stereo system started to blast Lambada at full volume; after she recovered from a near death by choking, she proceeded to look for the person responsible for that atrocity. Meanwhile, around her some people had begun to dance to the tune in a totally unironical way – that made her quicken her pace. “I knew I shouldn’t have left you in charge of the mixtape!” she finally gave the culprit a push from behind “You’re a fuckin’ asshole, you know that?” “I’ve been told, once or twice...” Stone gave her a lazy smile “What, you don’t approve of my musical choices?” “Fuck off” the girl started to walk away, then suddenly stopped “Oh, by the way: all these years you’ve been pulling my leg by saying I’m the shortest person you’ve ever known? Get your eyes checked, champ” she nodded in Demri’s direction while looking pointedly at him. “That’s because she doesn’t count – she’s like some kind of nymph” “Oh, wow, a nymph” Sara kept her deadpan face but seemed to stress the last word “And that makes me a…?” “... a person with dwarf ancestry, no doubt about it” “I hope you choke on one of those stupid pretzels you made Layla buy” she cut it short and made her way to a group of people from where Demri was calling her. “Hey, girl! I’ve been meaning to ask you: what sign are you? ‘Cause I have a faint idea of what you might be, but I wanna make sure I haven’t lost my touch” “Aquarius, what about you?” “I knew it! We’re neighbour signs, I’m a Pisces and I simply adore Aquarius people” Demri grinned enthusiastically, then looked at the others “They’re so full of knowledge and different interests, they always show you a point of view you would have never thought to see from, they-” “Ok, ok, enough with this astrology bullshit” Stone interrupted her, having apparently joined the group “We get it, you really like playing the little witch but cut us some slack, please” “Hey, it’s not bullshit! The planets are actually involved in shaping our personalit-” “Yeah? Then why Chris and I were born on the same day but he’s like that and I’m like this?” “I guess you can blame genetics for that” Sara blurted out, making Layne chuckle loudly enough to get the stink eye from the guitarist. “... that’s because you both have Sun in Cancer but were born in two completely different years, so all the other planets and signs are different too! It’s not so hard to get it, Stoney – this must be the hundredth time I’m explaining it to ya” the other girl didn’t miss a beat, and Sara could have kissed her then and there for the way she had just handed Stone’s ass to him – his embarrassed shitface was priceless. “So… how does this work? How can you actually know which planet is in which sign?” Chris seemed to show genuine interest about the topic, and Demri gave him a radiant grin. “Well, beside the birthdate you also have to take into account the time and birthplace you were born… the latitude and longitude and all those things, and you have to do some calculations to figure out the results, but you use some printed tables to help you with that” she sighed “I knew I had to bring my manual here! It’s old so the tables aren’t up to date, but they would have been good enough for our birthdates… fuck my life” “Hey, I’ve got one huge book that Layla gave me for my last birthday – if I’m not mistaken, the tables there go until 2020… I could lend it to you a few days so you can xerox the pages you need and then we could meet someplace so you can give it back to me? What do you say?” Sara didn’t have to wait for an answer because the other girl had literally jumped on her and was hugging her tightly. “You’re the best Aquarius I’ve ever met! God, I love you, you crazy, beautiful people” “I take it you approve, great” Sara chuckled “Just lemme go in my room to see where I put it – the sooner I start to look for it, the sooner you’ll be able to shed some light upon these amateurs’ miserable lives” She shot a cheeky wink in Demri’s direction and then proceeded to make her way to her room. <Who would have thought to find a fellow astrology enthusiast right here? I have to concede to Layla that, after all, giving this party wasn’t such a bad idea…> The girl smiled to herself: the day was reaching its end but it looked like it wasn’t going to be an entire failure – not something she would have expected after what had happened in the afternoon. She finally opened the door, a hand already going to flick the room’s light on, and when she turned she stood petrified. Apparently, there already were a couple of people on her bed: a girl with a blonde bob was straddling a guy – at least, the hands that were struggling to unclasp her bra seemed to belong to a man. The confirmation came when the hidden figure stuck his head out and revealed himself to be none other than Jeffrey Allen Ament. “Oh – I’m so-sorry, I’ll just go… don’t let me disturb the two of you” she muttered as stiffly as she could, then mustered all her strength and bolted out of the room.

The ice cubes in the drinks Layla had been holding in her hands were melting. She had fixed two more for Eddie and her but hadn’t approached the singer yet – and not because she couldn’t find him. There he was, sitting on the couch, totally absorbed in a conversation with Matt Lukin, who was also sharing a joint with him. Layla found herself fantasizing about what the hell those two could be talking about, whether they were having a deep philosophical debate or they were just trying to answer age-old questions like “What do teeth taste like?”, “Which armrest at the movie theater is yours?”, “Do pets name their owners?”, “Is the S or the C silent in SCENT?” The girl realized her drinks were warm and downed them both, hoping they would make her more talkative. Right after that she went to grab two beer cans from the fridge and walked through the people at the party up to Eddie at a moderately fast pace. Eddie saw her coming towards him with some anticipation and just smiled at her. “And that’s why it’s called sand, I swear to god” Lukin pointed out as she was in front of her. “And why is that?” Layla asked and Matt shot her a glance and sighed, as if she was asking a question with an obvious answer. “Because it’s between the sea and the land, of course” “Right, I’ve never thought about it!” she said as she handed one beer to Eddie. “What’s up, El? Are you having fun?” Vedder asked her and for a moment she thought that was probably the first time he called her like that: that was how Sara called her. She couldn’t say if it was a good or bad sign but didn’t think too much about it. “Yeah, the party’s been pretty successful so far… I mean, it didn’t turn into a disaster yet and nothing is on fire in the house, so yeah, everything’s alright” the girl replied and couldn’t help being surprised by the number of words which were escaping her mouth. <Couldn’t I simply say YES, WHAT ABOUT YOU? I guess it’s the alcohol speaking…> “And how come we say things are on fire while it’s actually fire being on things? Ever wondered about that?” Lukin questioned the two as he snatched the beer can from Layla’s hand “Thank you, darling” “Oh you’re welcome! And no… honestly I’ve never thought about that. Well, Eddie, can you just come with me for a second?” <Smooth, Layla, very smooth> she did a mental facepalm at how obvious she must have sounded. “What did I do?” the singer asked, suddenly alarmed, and Layla giggled and thought that he probably was too stoned to even understand shit. “Haha nothing, I just need you… err, need you for something” she pointed at somewhere vaguely around the hall with her thumb. “Uh ok, sure!” Vedder sprang up from the couch and took a last hit before handing what was left of the joint to Lukin. Layla started walking and gestured for Eddie to follow her. When he did she suddenly felt scared – actually terrified. She hadn’t practiced any speech, she hadn’t practiced anything, she just decided she’d tell him and now she had no idea how to practically do it. “Where are we going?” he talked into her ear as she was slowly walking through the people in the living room. “Uhm… just… DOWN THERE…” she didn’t turn around to answer and thought that yelling over the music was a much better option than finding herself face to face with Eddie just yet. “Are we leaving the house?” Eddie frowned as the two of them found themselves beside the front door of the apartment. “Oh no, I just, I thought of a quiet place, you know? To talk and stuff. And I think it’s quieter, here, don’t you think?” Layla said and knew that talk and stuff was up to her and it was too late to back away now. “It is. I honestly thought you wanted to save me from Lukin’s existential questions” “Hehe well, also. But I also wanted to talk to you” “Oh. About what?” a million things rushed through Eddie’s mind right then. What if she wanted to tell him she was getting back with her boyfriend? What if it was the opposite? What if it had nothing to do about them at all? What if it was just the solution to her mysterious game… <Yeah, that must be it, stop building your usual castles in the air> “About… about things and… failure, you know?” “Failure? What do you mean?” he asked confused. “I mean… you can fail either if you do things without thinking about them or if you think about things without actually doing them, right?” “Yeah…?” Eddie nodded and squinted at her, trying to guess where she was going with this. “And this is one of those there-are-two-types-of-people things. And I think I belong to the second type, I always did” “Uh-huh” “Like, I’m the one who always thinks about doing or saying stuff but rarely does. I'm that type of failure” “I have to disagree with that” “What?” Layla was surprised but also somehow relieved about Eddie interrupting her, so she could have a few seconds more to figure out what the hell she was talking about and where she was heading with all this nonsense. “You didn’t think too much about crowd surfing at our last show, well, not during our set but… I mean, you’re thoughtful and all but sometimes you’re capable of such impetuous acts. And you’re everything but a failure” Layla didn’t know if she was more surprised at what Eddie thought of her or for the fact he could use the word impetuous while high. “Well, I wish I was more impetuous in everyday life and not just at rock concerts” “Why are you telling me this?” “It’s… it’s just Mike’s fault!” “Mike?” “Yeah, we were talking about New Year’s resolutions and stuff like that” “Do you wanna know what my resolution is?” Eddie asked, still suspicious about the whole conversation. <So is that what it’s all about? New Year’s small talk?> “Yes, please” “Well… my resolution for 1991 is… to record this album and not to suck too much, to finally try and make an actual living of this thing that everybody in my family calls a hobby, you know? To play as many shows as I can. And not be fired by Stone” Eddie said and he wanted to add Kiss you to the list but he wasn’t intoxicated enough to say that out loud. “Oh well, that’s a very interesting bunch of resolutions” “What about yours? Being more impetuous and…?” “And…” <And tell you that I’ve been thinking about you, a lot. I think about you even when you’re right there with me. Like, I’m even thinking about you right now. Basically I always think about you. But not in a creepy way. It’s not like I’m listening at your door all the time. I’ve actually done it only once. Or twice. It’s not like I check the time when you get back home at night when I’m casually awake. Because it’s not like I stay awake on purpose waiting for you when you’re out at night. It’s definitely not like I picture your face while listening to your tape when you’re not around. It’s not like I listen to that cassette all the fucking time or anything. Well, to the casual observer of my thoughts it may look like I’m kinda creepy, like I’ve been thinking of you in a marginally creepy way… Oh my god, why am I telling you this? Wait, I’m not actually telling you! It’s all in my head so… nevermind> “... and get my master’s degree and find a real job. And get back into swimming” <See? I’m totally not thinking about you at all> “That’s cool” “Well, I used to be a pro. I can’t be a pro anymore, I don’t wanna be, I just wanna do it more. I just love being in the water” “I see. I love that too” Eddie agreed and came closer as Layla backed up until she had her back against the door. At the same time, without knowing, they were both thinking about being in the water together. “Anyway, I’m sure you’re gonna reach all your goals. If the record is half as good as the demo, then it’ll be huge” Layla snapped out of her water fantasy, while out of the corner of her eye she spotted an ocean blue sparkly blur pushing its way through the living room and running across the hallway behind Eddie’s back. “Wow, well, thank you” the guy was inches away from her but she was now focused on her friend, getting into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. <What the fuck is happening?> “... I gotta pee” “Huh?” “Yeah, gotta go. It’s almost midnight so… see you next year, hahaha” she nervously added and walked away, just like that, leaving a confused Eddie staring at the front door.

“Seems like she’s conjuring that book directly from Mars” Stone dead-panned: it had been a while ever since he had seen Sara going into her room. This time Layne didn’t laugh at him but thanks to his remark – to his wounded ego’s relief – and had instantly gained a slap on the nape provided by his girlfriend. “The more time passes, the more insufferable you become, Stoney” Demri huffed “It’s like you have some kind of biological need to pester anyone who has the misfortune of being on your way-nevermind! My ally has come out of the cave unscathed!” she added, after seeing the other girl finally exiting the room. Stone turned again and there she was, striding through the hallway like some sort of acid-tripped Starry Night. “Huh, looks like her treasure hunt didn’t go well” Layne remarked, noticing how her hands were empty; furthermore, she kept on walking without sparing their group a single glance until she disappeared from their view. “Annnnnd she’s gone” Chris clicked his tongue and raised his glass high in some sort of toast to Sara. “She’s gone but the real question is: where is she going?” Staley looked alternatively at his girlfriend, Cornell and Gossard, the latter remaining suspiciously silent. “And why?” Chris added after taking a sip. “Why? Well, given the expression on her face and the fact she didn’t seem to give a shit about us or the rest of the world, I think it’s pretty obvious she’s upset for something… or someone” Demri pointed out “But that could be just my stupid Pisces intuition talking, don’t mind me” <Tsk, it doesn’t take an astrologist to tell that the girl’s fucking mad> Stone thought but it wasn’t until he spotted a very well-known person in the corner that it all clicked in his mind. When he saw Jeff rushing into the hallway, looking around, followed by a blonde girl who was talking to him while fixing her shirt, it all started making sense. <That poor excuse for a vertebrate….> the guitarist shook his head and scrubbed his hand across his face in frustration. “I need a drink” he said, excusing himself from the small circle of friends, and apparently walked up into the kitchen. Instead, he made a bee line to wherever Sara went.

“Sara? Come on, Sara! What’s up? Just tell me if you’re ok in there” Layla had been knocking on the bathroom’s door for a couple of minutes when Eddie first and Stone soon after showed up behind her. “What’s happening?” the guitarist tried to assess the situation, without mentioning what he had just witnessed. “It’s Sara,” the other guy answered him, while Layla proceeded to increase the knocking’s intensity, hoping to bother the other girl enough to let her into the bathroom “I think she’s not feeling good” “Oh – you think it has something to do with the food? Or maybe there are too many people in here and she felt dizzy...” Stone kept on feigning ignorance about the real cause of the girl’s distress. “I don’t know, it could be? Layla and I just happened to see her run in this direction and decided to follow her to see what we could do, but she doesn’t seem to be willing to cooperate with us” “And can you tell us what are you doing here, Stone?” Layla huffed, upset because her best friend still had to answer to her pleas to open the door “The less people we are, the more chances we have to make her feel a bit better” “Nothing, I swear I was up to nothing” he raised his hands “I was just going to get myself something to drink when I saw you guys quickly walking in this direction and thought that I should check on you, that’s all” “What if she… you know… took something and…” Eddie scratched his nape, casually speculating, but Layla and Stone shushed him up almost at the same time. “What? No way, man” “Sara’s not into that stuff. I know what happened. It’s all Jeff’s fault” the girl pointed out and Gossard was surprised to hear that. <Did she see them too?> he wondered. But if that was the case, he was mostly surprised that Layla would mention it at all. “Why Jeff? What did he do?” the singer questioned, thinking of another typical round of Sara and Jeff quarrelling and being at each other’s throat. Eddie thought maybe Jeff could have gone too far this time. “I told him to go to Pike Place Market but I bet he didn’t!” she said, still frantically pounding on the door. “What the fuck are you talking about?” Stone had no idea what was going through the girl’s head and looked at Eddie, who seemed equally perplexed. “It took him little time to do all the grocery shopping I asked him to do for the party. I specifically told him to go to Pike Place to buy seafood but he came back with some low quality prawns he must have bought in some fucking convenience store or something closer to home. Sorry Sara, I should have known better!” the girl added the last sentence directly addressing the bathroom door in a louder voice. Stone laughed internally at Layla’s assumption, whereas Eddie thought she must be really worried if she used the F word. “Well, darling, if it makes you feel any better I’m not hearing retching sounds coming from the inside, so I think the food poisoning hypothesis can be excluded” the guitarist patted her on the shoulder, but she kept on knocking on the door. “I’m sorry to inform you that I won’t feel better until my best friend comes out of the cave! She doesn’t know it yet, but I make a damn good Jack Torrance impression and I’m honestly itching to let her see it” “... ouch, maybe it’s better if I go looking for something to drink for her, the situation is quickly escalating” Eddie added and began to walk in the kitchen’s direction, hoping to find something for himself as well. “Please, let it be some chamomile tea because she doesn’t need any more Godzilla fuel” Stone shouted at him, avoiding a brutal push from Layla, who had heard everything. “Can’t you just stop being sassy for a minute? I’m worried, for real, can’t you see it?” “You don’t need to be, trust me. Sara’s ok, nothing happened, really” “How can you say that?” the girl felt he was keeping something from her. “Because I know” “And how do you know?” “Because… Well, I was there so I know what happened. And it was nothing. Sara is just making a scene for nothing – which is typical of her, lemme tell ya” “Why do I feel you’ve got something to do with that nothing that happened?” Layla looked at him suspiciously. <I knew he was up to something the moment he arrived! After all, he was talking to her like five minutes before she fled into the bathroom, it must be Stone’s fault!> “Ok ok, I give in! I’ll confess.” Stone raised his hands as a defeat sign and said the first thing that came up to his mind “We were discussing movies and I just shared one maybe slightly unpopular opinion” “That is…?” “I just said that Martin Scorsese is overrated” “YOU SAID WHAT?” “I mean, he directed a bunch of pretty decent movies but-” “A bunch of decent movies? Did you use these exact words?” Layla now could see why Sara wouldn’t want anything to do with the world outside the bathroom. “Yeah, more or less. Anyway, he did something good but… err, I just find him so boring, you know” “Well I think I can speak on behalf of Sara and say you can stick your unpopular opinion up to your you-know-where and apologize to her, Martin and the movie industry” she folded her arms and started tapping her toe as if she was actually waiting for apologies. “And that was what I was expecting, I was expecting her to tell me to fuck off as usual but she just up and left. Maybe she’s in a bad mood” Stone shrugged and silently prayed for the girl to believe his bullshit. “Yeah, she’s been in a weird mood all day” Layla recalled her friend disappearing the whole afternoon and then reacting strangely during their drinking game. “I’ll apologize to her” “Good. Just do it” “But… I can’t do it if you stay here” “Hahaha and why? Are you shy all of a sudden?” “It’s hard for me, you know” “Are you like the poor man’s version of the Fonz? Who can’t physically say I’m sorry?” “Sort of…” “I don’t know if I can leave you and Sara alone, can I trust you?” she sincerely asked. “Oh for fuck’s sake, sure you can! I’m not Jeff” Stone retorted and his remark had multiple meanings but Layla could only grasp one of them, the most obvious one. “Ok, come on Sara, tell this guy off and get out of here! It’s almost midnight!” she addressed her friend again with one last weak knock on the bathroom door and then went back into the living room. “Scout, the coast is clear… now you can come out” Stone had waited for Layla to disappear before addressing again the door; there was silence, when finally a croaky voice came from inside the bathroom. “... that makes you Boo Radley, I suppose” The guitarist smiled to himself: “I guess it does” “I appreciate the sentiment but I just wanna stay alone” “And monopolize the bathroom for the whole evening? Nuh-uh, missy, I won’t all-” “Stoney, what are you doing here, talking with the bathroom door?” a wild McCready appeared out of thin air, looking at his bandmate in a mildly concerned way. “Just trying to find out if it’s made of oak or pine” “Well, try to get an answer really soon because I must go inside!” “Jeez, Mikey, you know you can smoke from the balcony, right? Nobody’s going to call the police” “What did you understand??” Mike grabbed him by the shoulders and started to shake him “I already did that, we’re talking about another kind of emergency!” “What? You lost your contacts and need to put in another pair?” “I NEED TO SHIT! There, I said it! Are you happy, now???” “... you could have done it from the start” “That’s what I was trying to do” “... too bad we have another emergency going on, so you should find another suitable place for your crap – literally” “WHAT THE FUC-” “In your shoes, I wouldn’t get excited… you never know when shit’s about to hit the fan” “Fuck off you and your shitty puns, Stone! Where am I supposed to go??” Mike whined, shifting his weight from one leg to another with little jumps. “I don’t know, you could shit in Jeff’s bass case? Or hidden behind the ficus plants, but pay attention because Elias might still be lurking there…” “I’m going to knock on some apartment doors and the first that opens to me is gonna be the chosen savior!” McCready made his way to the front door, but stopped halfway “Don’t think I’m gonna forget how merciless you’ve been with me, I’m having mine served cold” “Hope you’re not talking about your imminent masterpiece, Cready…” “FUCK OFF, STONE” and, thus said, the victim ran outside the VedderAment residence. Gossard let out a huge breath of relief, then turned again towards the door: “Now, where were we?”

#eddie vedder #jeff ament #Pearl Jam #eddie vedder fanfiction #pearl jam fanfiction #grunge fanfiction #jeff ament fanfiction #Birds of a Feather #chapters

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magiccallie · 5 years ago

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So I wrote down my thoughts as i watched through most of Season 2 of Scooby Doo Mystery Inc, and would like to share them, major spoilers below cut

Notes of Season 2 of Scooby Mystery Inc Shout out to this jock bully(?) who upon encountering a monster threatening a girl, did no hesitate to take on said monster, recuse said girl, and protect her as they escape Fred really needs to talk to someone about his new parents, who are now living in his house with him???? The house of the man who took him from them?????? Bronson might not be exactly straight looking at how he acted around the old mayor vs the new one, but *shrugs* Jock Strikes again, is this gunna be the twist? That''s a really douchy twist to pull a stunt like this Love how-I mean this is just the plan. He wanted girls too so he set up the same scenario. Is this extra set up by the parents to get him to trust them that is some next level douchery/ Scratch that on Bronson, omg Oh shit starting with a furry attack this is going to be a weird episode the gang's meta knowledge coupled with their sure willingness to go along with tropes and shit makes for great dialogue oh *oh* this is the episode where we get a peak to see just how big the picture is, love the lore building. knew this episode was gunna be good is that a demon? the furry isnt the mosnter??? ummm...weve been getting hints, are things getting real? so we've established motive for why someone whould want this plavce closed, but actually tangent but dont a lot of these monsters that they encounter seem like, weirdly powerful and mobile for costumes oh there's the furry that red aura is a...the things that happen around it are something deeper it seems. fascinating. is the red just representative of fire hallucinations? those seemed a bit real in effect for hallucinations... this guy, like my manager, needs to hire a little more staff occult magic book falls from the library to gang, and no one is as concerned as they should be nazi robot nazi robot get BJ on the phone Cassidy is the kinda retired PC that the players can strive to be Shit is getting real quick isnt it. Wait is that a seal. does Cassidy die? I know about a certain other death that makes me sad, but i dont want Cassidy to die too this episode is a rollercoaster of odd events weird hologram disguise for Paraclese is nifty Seeing the tragic fate of past groups is...well obviously sad oh dear, she does die huh its super low key, but it plays at the terrifying corrupting ordeal of the eldritchstuff really well with the lore notes bear troubles oh that badge...is that where they buried him? that's...kinda grim they have stealth suits and killer nazi robots? why have the evil guys not won yet? there is a bomb and they are not evacuating. There is a BOMB and they are not evacuating oh the bear can talk, how dare i assume that a bear is incapable of speech the bear is a twunk, scratch that, still a bear, is...he doing a christiphor walkin impersonation? aaand that’s enough for tonight, starting fresh later We're back, 13 more episodes oh so were getting into why i don’t like astrology Enigma machine omg. sorry, im a sucker for bits like that i wanna have long white hair too, i could rock that look How does Paraclese still have an accent after all these years? It is like destiny's Rasputin and just a stubborn superiority complex? something about visiting villains you can talk to in a prison is-ohp thats just all of um huh, cameo episode- err, anyways, it just paints a delightful scene about the relationship of the protags and antags and villainy as a whole in the world well this is horrific, throw some brownish red stuff around and it would be a silent hill scene update: still gay Thirteen more episodes and they have the disk...that does not bode well for what is going to happen the writer's willingness to reference other hannah barbara characters/shows is great oooo anticaptilism, BF is scoring points excuse me???? cyborg dragon girl???? he cant even call her by her name through most of the episode wtf??????? see now im at the point i gotta ask, is this a real ghost thing, or a fake ghost thing? ah i understand now youd think he would be more willing to explain to th-there we go so the animal companians are more suceptible, but they all have the risk Paraclese talking about these cattle is every gm talking about their homebrew monsters omg writers wth was that conclusion for the cattle im dying sk-ska zombies. ska. zombies. i can pick it up oh like the dancing plauge but worse, nifty these ghosts are rude boys, like, thats actually one of their names. And just caught that it the band name is skatastic oh they mentioned the dancing plauge, thank you wtf 101 the 'lighthearted' tone of this episode speaks dark tidings about the horrors to come aaah, hex girls, omg oh damn, update again: still hella gay bards duels be like, but for real loving this more and more young me is crazy about having the hex girls interact with a magicy thing like the disks, the rest of me is concerned at the events that are taking place scooby agrees, and his dog girl friend...well that was something Ricky displaying increasing regrets is not going to do good things for his lifeespectancy ohp then he drags in the other two well, i didnt see that coming for the criminal identity this little girl just had her mom ditch her for a stranger that robbed them, the heck i should probably eat dinner at some point, or like, anything at somepoint... calling it now, this guy is a circus performer/stunt driver, and if he is the random hired british poolboy it is a fake accent he's lureing women away with emotional intemacy. thats funny in itself, btu that they accept so readily still isnt normal oh and apparently kinks, lured with kinks so hes going to be the librarian dude then?? maybe? k, so at least i got that o.o O.O, well, that was quite the lead up and explanation food on plate, depresso in heart, ready to continue so they have to know right? like, this is a planned trap since Fred is 'the only one who knows where it is' doesnt explain Fred though, or how the fake acts "jeepies you found my scarf" oh there it is, they are after the info from him and its all fake, not some hell vision to show why he has to suceed Fred knew first? good on him plastic surgery, holy crap, next level villainy here holy shit they're all in puragoty thanks to the corrpution?????? Going back to early about the horrifying nature of all this. it is just so immensly sad watching them go through these bits. Cool, but sad. Velma demonstrating why thinking and understanding are not always good in eldritch horror games so he's got a guilt complex? heart felt talk with Mayor Dad awwww, poor Velma doesnt think she's pretty guessing...well id say the wife of Enrique but that seems too easy some how, stiill shes the only offered suspect beside Enrique himself thus far *deep sigh* i will never guess any culprit i bother to write down correctly would be a real move of the writers to Uzumaki the town two day deadline given, props to velma for having the foresight to model the disks in a digital format incase theyre lost mad max mystery machine sounds like a doom metal synth wave fusion song things are going too well... How many giant evil doors will this lair have? alchemy. of course. should have guessed. is...is this the episode where Marcie...oh no oh at least shes trying good on her, she's going down in style and flame... oh. ya know, even knowing it was coming and talking it up a sentence before, not a happy event this is a nifty dungeon last episode, hell of an opening/recap wh-what fghaseguk this went batshit didnt it. i wish i had the willingness to write at unhinged as these writers one more media that i am surpised didnt end in a poly relationship this climax is eerily familiar to the live action movies at times and then they all died and went to heaven aww Rickee and Cassidy *and* Velma and Marcie, aww, my heart will heart to think about that one for long, but awwwww Miskatonik University, or however the heck it is said. i thought it was going to be a one off joke but wasn't expecting that.

#scooby doo #scooby doo mystery inc #scooby doo mystery incorperated #mystery inc #mystery incorporated #scooby doo mystery incorporated

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glittercndgcld · 4 years ago

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( 𝑝𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑥 𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑎 )

📲 text messages | @xboutlxstnightmuses

peter Mon... I did something really, really stupid. And I'm sort of freaking out a little bit. Or a lot :disappointed_relieved:

monica Did you rob a bookstore while you were drunk? cause it is the only bad thing you are capable of do tell though.

peter Honestly, I wish that's what I've done last night. I don't even know how to say it... Uh, you know what? Nevermind.

monica ehm...with your own words, if you want? Okay, I will be here waiting....

peter judgement free zone... right?

monica ALWAYS

peter Promise?

monica I promise

peter So I went out last night for a drink. At some public event at a bar. And I ran into someone. Who may or may not have been a student...

monica Awwwww that is cook cool* and did you like...talked?

peter Yeah. We talked. You know I'm a lightweight. So is he, apparently. I had a lot of fun, Mon. But... I can't have that sort of fun with him. Never with him. Or with any other student for that matter. But I did. I didn't do anything! Nothing like, physical or anything. But... I had too good of a time.

monica hmmm is there any ....like...how should I call it...hmm attraction?

peter There might be... After last night, I see him a little differently. We got along really well. Too well, even.

monica hmm I bet you do That is good though? I did promise not to judge and I don't see anything bad until now but ....can I please please PLEASE AT LEAST tease you about it?

peter No, no. We got along in a way that made me want to buy his drinks and walk him home after... I even gave him my number when he asked. That is SO bad, Mon. No, absolutely not.

monica oh my god PETE you're smitten HE ASKED FOR YOUR NUMBER? I don't believe it is that bad As long as you keep that boundary of....what happens outside of class doesn't influence anything else and you'll be fine

peter I am not smitten, Monica. I just had a good time. It was almost too easy to talk to him and conversation just kept... flowing. Yeah, he did. And I gave it to him. So it's not a surprise that he texted me this morning. Apologizing. You think so? I mean, that's almost like you're saying it's not too bad to keep talking to him outside of class...

monica uh-huh Oh so now you are talking? It is something that happens when you like someone. YES... there's no harm in that I mean we know deep down what is good for us and apparently that guy is right for you, just not in all circumstances for now ;) tell me more about him :)

peter Yeah, we're texting right now. Which only made me freak out more and text you. I wasn't going to, but I tell you everything. It was just one night. I am not smitten after just one night. Really? I felt like it was just... so, so wrong. Besides, he's likely at least quite a few years younger than me. He's cute, Mon. He's really cute. I didn't realize how much until last night. He's smart, too. Honestly, one of the smarter ones in class, but I'm not supposed to say that.

monica OH MY GOD You made all sound like you had sex " It was just one night" of harmless drunk flirting will you put other burdens in front of it? Now it is the age gap? AAAAAWWWW Yeah, that kind of crosses a boundary. Don't tell him that before he finishes his classes with you Just tell it to me and I reallt don't mind listening to you gush over him. you should learn when his birthday is and what time he was born we should find his astrological map and see if the stars want you to be together oh my god- sleepover ?!??! I need that to happen

peter Omg, don't even mention that word right now. I'm just barely coming to terms with the fact that I kind of want to hang out with him again. And you're going to freak me out again. Well, shouldn't I take that into consideration? I never imagined that I'd be into someone so much younger than me. Trust me, I don't plan on telling him any of that. I'm not going to gush over him! And I'm not smitten. If the stars want us to be together? I'm rolling my eyes at you. I am always down for a sleepover though! I'll buy some wine - I might need it. My sentiments, exactly. He's barely turning 26. Monica. 26.

monica stop calling yourself grandpa Of course, I am right if you freaked out on his face, I would expect he is hesitant to talk to you !!! hmmm I know you have more stuff to say abour Scott about* SO? you are 33 would it make any difference for you? when is his birthday? Did you ask? PLEASE ASK

peter I basically am a grandpa. Yeah... I guess so. I did sorta freak out a little :confused: talking to you about it calmed me down a bit, I think. I mean... maybe. It's the 19th of this month.

monica Aaaaaaah A CAPRICORN Hmm i need to do a chart for your aquarius and his capricorn suprisingly, you have matched with a much tenser star sign than your hippy aquarius it is weird. i don't know if it will be more different than with James. He did have a strong scorpio energy. Can't imagine how you both were in bed. glad I am calming you down.

peter A Capricorn. You’re making me feel like I need to read more into this stuff. It’s always been more your thing than mine though. Maybe it’s best that way :laughing: you can tell me everything that I need to know, rather than me adding yet another thing into my oh, so busy schedule. Ah, yeah, James. I told you that I talked to him recently? Oh. We had fun, in bed :eyes: You definitely did. Thank you.

monica it isn't even my thing. I just know a couple of stuff and I am winging it what i am doing though is distracting you from the main burden you were trying to put on yourself and Scott this is actually my thing NO YOU DID NOT All the boys for Peters Peter* and none for Gretchen Wieners bye :rofl: I BET YOU DID

peter You know more than I do when it comes to that stuff. I thought it was a very obvious, unable to overlook burden, Monica. But I guess... maybe I was sorta overreacting a little bit. I’m just being honest :man_shrugging_tone1: Not all of the boys, just the ones I want. :laughing: you crack me up though, Mon. Also... He may or may not have invited me to his bday party. I said yes. You’re going with me.

monica it isn't that big but I can understand not being able to overlook it OH so you like both James AND Scott now YOU HEARTBREAKER I was so focused on you gushing over him that I forgot about him...OH MY GOD Yea, I am coming. YES he likes you too and not to forget yeees I know I am hilarious :blush:

peter At first, I really didn’t think I could. But after the shock of it all and talking to you... I can breath easy again. Thanks, again. OH SHUSH YOU NNOW THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT. James and me are way over. Have been for a while now. That isn’t changing. Yeah... and I think we just agreed that we both want to hang out still? Wow. Ok. I’m doing this. It’s getting a little hard to breath again, but I think I’m ok. As friends. We’re friends. He likes me as a friend. You are! You always make me laugh :hugging:

monica don't even mention it. I am here to gush over.Scott anyway. Still nothing else other than "cute" and "super smart" THIS IS AWESOME tell that to yourself at night, when the only person you can think of is YOUR FRIEND you don't know if he sees you as afriend only, still

peter Why do I feel like you’re fishing :face_with_raised_eyebrow: I think that you want me to talk more about him so you can tell me again that I’m smitten. :man_facepalming_tone1: we ARE friends. There’s nothing else for us to be right now. I’m sure that he does. I do think that I really wanna see him again before his bday in a couple of weeks :flushed:

monica This isn't me fishing, this is me actually asking you about him. I want to know more about him, so that I will know exactly if he likes you more than a friend, YOU AQUARIAN DOOFUS .... Fine, Mr Peter * I am not smitten * Brice Did you actually ask him to meet before his birthday? LIKE after this freak-out of yours?! Oh boy, the guy is going to be soooo confused either he likes you or not Which he does. The fact that he asked for your phone number...hmmm I always keep forgetting that.

peter Ok, ok. So I sorta cleared it up a bit with him? I told him that I overreacted and that I think that we could be friends or whatever, assuming he wants to be. He told me I assumed correctly AND sent me a :wink: emoji which I don't think even means anything, but??? He also told me that he prefers that we continue hanging out over not hanging out at all. So there's that, too. Aparrently, he doesn't find me boring at all and I need to stop saying that. I mentioned seeing him again before his party in two weeks and he invited me to the coffee house he works at. So I guess I'll see him there sometime before his party. Yeah after my freak out. I think my freak out has mostly passed. Mostly. And I'm not smitten - I'll keep saying it. Well, that could've easily been influenced by the alcohol. Much like the ENTIRE night was. You know I wouldn't have done those things sober.

monica :wink::wink::wink: you are cute That's what it means and both Scott and I acknowledge that i am not big with internet flirting , but when he winks at you when are you face to face, maybe it is your time to hyperventilate. I always hyperventilate when people wink at me....i don't know if the same thing will happen when somebody winks at me through text?? enjoying each others' company check AAWWWW he actually told you to stop saying you are boring? I hope AT LEAST you listen to him instead of anyone else who says that you aren't seriously though? I don't remember; who told you are boring and you believed them? finding ways to see each other more- check check you are not drunk now- YOU ASKED HIM NOW TO MEET

peter Shhh, I'm not. A wink face is just a wink face - it could mean a variety of things, I'm not even going to spare any other thought to it anymore. I think this entire situation has me wanting to hyperventilate?? If I'm honest. Still just wrapping my head around it, I guess? But I accept that... I want to see him again. I doubt anything will come from it all, but I don't think I've had as much fun as I did last night in a really long time. Yeah, he did. I don't know. I'm just not into a lot of things a lot of other people are, and people don't find books as interesting as I do. That, in my head, equates to people thinking I'm boring. We're meeting at his work. While he's working. I don't think that means anything, really?? But, I'm still looking forward to it.

monica what does it usually mean when you add a winkface on a text? you will never know. I think both of my pretty serious relationships came out of nothing? Like I never expected I will end up with that person? So chillax and enjoy it you are calling yourself boring even before getting to know someone? You barely know Scott. Barely said anything,right? it means that he hasn't got any other time to meet you between work and college so he is just making time inbetween breaks JUST TO SEE YOU? my heart just friends, my cute little a** still looking forward to listening to the next bunch of gushing over Scott need to inform me about your texts as well they'd better be good

peter I don't know that I use it much, other than with James when we were together, but it was a little... suggestive. It was different. A relationship is reaaaaaaly far fetched right now. But I get what you're saying. In a way, my relationship with James came out of nothing, too. I mean, in the beginning, I didn't think I'd date him. I'm enjoying talking with him. Or he just wants to pay me back for his drinks last night :thinking: :man_shrugging: Yeah, just friends! :rolling_eyes: I guess that I can't wait to vent it all out to you because who else can I tell this to? Or would, anyways. I trust you the mostest :hugging: I teased him a bit - about surprising him at work. He doesn't want me to do that :laughing: so as funny as I think it would be, I told him I'd respect that. We're just... chatting now. Continuing conversation from last night, so just sorta getting to know each other, I guess.

monica you forgot to mention me what happened with james? You started talking again? but yeah, scorpio energy. Everything is suggestive for them you know what I mean. Even that uncertain phase you are now with scott it is a relationship...kinda? In my head it makes sense. see......equality. let him pay you back. And once you two are done with that, you can take turns in paying each other's drinks. WE Are going to have a looooong winter I am so glad for that!!! OH NOW you are teasing him too honestly that is so cute of you still as interesting as yesterday? More interesting than yesterday? on a scale from one to five....how much more interesting he is ( from as interesting as yesterday to I am completelt infatuated with him- that is 5 by the way) 0-5 i am waiting

peter Oh, yeah. I got distracted by talk about a certain 26 years old :upside_down: But yeah, so I texted him, but only because I heard one of his favorite songs and I was curious as to how he was doing. Then we sorta made plans to meet up last night, but I realized I had made plans prior already so I had to bail. I invited him to meet me, but he never responded. He might be a little upset? I don't know. I guess I get what you mean? I mean, there's a certain level up... mutual interest, I think. I think that's what you're getting at? The things that go on in that head of yours :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: I don't like when people buy me things. I prefer to be the one doing the buying - I'm weird like that. But I guess I can let him. I mean, I'm not gonna fight him on it. Just a little. It's kinda fun :laughing: :man_facepalming: I don't know about COMPLETELY INFATUATED But... maybe a 4. I don't know. He sorta asked me to watch a tv show with him and wow, okay - should I say yes? I mean, I want to, so I guess that I will. I said yes. We're going to watch a freaking show together... should I freak out? I feel like I should a little.

monica lovely :joy::heart_eyes: How cute!!! And awww maybe he could be a little bit mad. But he will get over it; I don't think you did something that bad? maybe it was meant to be and if James was there you wouldn't meet Scott or Scott wouldn't approach yes exactly. I am currently aaaaall ideas but I need someone to help me with them. I feel like most people i have met are scam and the places are pretty shitty :flushed: Well maybe you have met your match, because as it seems Scott doesn't like that either XD I love it that you are having fun with teasing him. You know, it creates so much happiness around you. I can feel it through the text :) 4 is "it'a just a little crush" it is funny that you are asking me like I am going to decide for you wow you are both eager to meet each other more and more no you are going to watch a show. friends do that right???:wink::wink::wink:

peter I think he might be. He hasn't texted me at all since, so... i think he's definitely upset :confused: i hope he doesn't feel like i stood him up or something. That wasn't my intentions. Something tells me that if I weren't alone last night, no, Scott wouldn't have approached me. You've got the best ideas, except when you try to get me to admit that i'm completely infatuated. Well, that's also a little far fetched. But yeah, I guess he doesn't. So i'll take your advice and let him buy my coffees. It's fun when it's sorta playful, you know? Maybe it's a subtle way of... flirting a little. Maybe. Can you??? I mean, it's got me feeling some sort of way, so I guess you're, once again, right. :rolling_eyes: you should've started by telling me what each number stands for. I wish you could decide for me tbh!! It'd make this so much easier. I don't know if I'd say eager. Do you think he's eager?? Idk if I'm eager, just... looking forward to it. YES FREINDS DO THAT, MONICA - WE DO THAT. Shoot. Shoot. I asked him if he was okay with the vibe last night ( you know, it was sorta like, date like I'M INTERSTED IN YOU LET ME WALK YOU HOME AND BUY YOUR DRINKS at least, that's the vibe i felt ), and he said he's okay with it. What am I doing, Mon???

monica ooooh you are gonna explain when he gets over it cannot blame a woman from trying besides, the only person who can admit things for yourself is you. Nobody can make you. I am, just making observations so you do subtly playful flirting with Scott at the moment? In your texts. No, I think you are deciding pretty great for yourself feeling some sorta way how?:face_with_monocle: you are both eager to meet. He invited you to his birthday. You threw him back a suggestion meeting before his birthday and he ended up suggesting you going to the place he works. He suggested watching a show with you . I am counting 3 opportunities for you to meet unless you suggested something else back....so it is 4? NEVER BEEN INTERESTED In YOU IN THAT WAY YOU ARE IN SCOTT. BECAUSE...DO YOU WANT ME TO USE THE F WORD..... ??? STOP KIDDING YOURSELF I AND SCOTT ARE NOT THE SAME. because I am not interested in guys that are into guys...CAPICHE? yah....like yah...Another good hint he is into you you want scott. Scott wants you back ...most likely deep breaths and go for it, man

peter Or he just won't speak to me ever again. I'm far from infatuation, okay? Crushing - fine, I'll admit it. But that's it. Yes, you are. I think you're also getting a kick out of it and teasing me :laughing: I do care to continue to hear your observations though. Just a little bit. I feel like it's almost too easy to fall into that teasing with him. I guess... maybe because I'm crushing. Like some sort of way. Yeah yeah, I get what you mean. I think he's... sort of, maybe feeling this, too. I told him that I'm trying to figure out where this line between us is drawn - you know, giving our circumstances and all, he said he's trying to figure that out, too. So yeah. I guess I'm really doing this. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT F WORD YOU ARE REFERRING TO, MONICA BUT I UNDERSTAND OK CAPICHE :unamused: :unamused: Yeah... I'm starting to think so, too :grimacing: Okay... I guess I'm going for it?

monica OH MY GOD FINALLY Can you blame me? Literally you came to me like you have committed some kind of murder :smiling_face_with_3_hearts::smiling_face_with_3_hearts::smiling_face_with_3_hearts: I am pretty sure you would do the same for me. OH he is on the same page? Hallelujah!!!! oh my god- I feel like singing Aphrodite- don't forget me- Romeo and Julliette me aaaaaaahhhhhh i bet you know damn well what the f word is yes go go go Also, is James the kind of person that would get mad over that? In your experience? I mean...I doubt it would last forever?

peter :joy: it was almost inevitable when you didn’t tell me how terrible of an idea this all is. I let my guard down a bit. I thought I was being irrational. Well! Can you really blame me for freaking out a bit? I mean, really? You’re absolutely right - I would. It sort of sounds like he might be? Save the singing for karaoke, okay? :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: I don’t know what word you are referring to here :thinking: He might, yeah. It won’t last forever. He’ll be done giving me the silent treatment at some point. I thinkS *think

monica I always freak out when I am crushing on someone. But I don't blame you for the reason you freaked out but you said it so many times, when I told you it's okay...I am going to be merciless with the teasing about it. the f word is a synonym of the thing you aren't going to do to Scott just yet because you are taking baby steps :wink: It surprises me because you are noticing stuff in midst of panicking a few seconds ago well let's hope the silent treatment won't last that much at least. What kind of relationship do you want to have with him?

peter I sorta freak out a little, too but this was an entirely different freak out. I’m counting down the days I can tease you back! :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: :man_facepalming_tone1: I’m not even thinking about that... yet. Not really, anyways. Because yes! Baby steps. Well, I feel like he’s been a bit forward with some things and it’s making even me question if maybe he is sorta... interested, too. With James? Friends, of course. If that. It’d be nice to have that again with him... we were friends before we dated.

monica You are going to be counting down lots of days; I don't think I will be interested IN ANYONE aaaaanyyyyytiiiime sooon and what are you thinking right now? Forward about what kind of things? what if he is? I do hope it is solved out? And I get to see him soon too

peter Well, still! Have some fun :stuck_out_tongue: you’re single, after all! For the first time in a looooong time. Well... just him and the idea of maybe like... I don’t know, dating him? If it even gets to that point because it might not? Just that he’s interested in some way? I mean, the fact he’s texting me and wanting to still hang out, I think, is sorta forward. Well, it would be if he texted back.

monica I want to focus on myself. If someone comes to my life at the moment, I feel like I will be tok vulnerable and leave everything behind and dedicate my life to him( like i did with voldemort) Maybe it gets to that and maybe he could be your new bf? Think positively Well the guy shows interest, can you blame him with a cute face such yours? Oh is it bothering you that he hasn't texted back?

peter And that’s a great idea. Focusing on yourself could include some... stress reducing activities. You know? I hear you. You can date a little and not dedicate your life to someone though. My new bf... I don’t know about that, it’s way too early to think about that sort of thing, don’t you think? Oh, shhh. I’m not even that cute. I mean, a little? He could just tell me that he’s mad instead of ignoring me, you know?

monica hmmm I know where you are heading at with that....stress reducing activities :dizzy_face: stress reducing activities at the moment I don't really want to date. I feel like it is too early... again think positively.

peter Good god, Mon. He sent my mind to the gutter just now and NOW I’m thinking things :flushed: I don’t even know if he meant to, but he did. I should’ve known I’d walk into that one. He’s concerned with his grades - about me being easy on him now that we’re chatting outside of class, it I told him that if anything is go harder on him... you can imagine what I walked into with that one :flushed::flushed::flushed::flushed::flushed: Yes, you do. I’m just saying, it’s an option. Might do a little good. No commitments, just fun and being single. Only you know. If it’s too early, I mean. But he who shall not be named has already taken 10 years of your life... why waste anymore? I just don’t want to assume anything... I don’t want to get my hopes up.

monica :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: OH MY GOD yes you did walk into that one. You walk into a lot of things like that actually. It may or may not be your expertise XD feels too early still fine still not getting your hopes up is a good thing

peter :man_facepalming: :man_facepalming: :man_facepalming: I wish I hadn't. I wasn't think about anything sexual right now and now I am and I just :man_facepalming: :man_facepalming: :man_facepalming: :man_facepalming: :man_facepalming: It goes over my head a lot!! I can't help that my mind isn't always in the gutter like some peoples. Well, then it's still early. That's okay. Exactly. I don't want to get my hopes up and then it turns out his interests in people are fickle and next week or next month I'll be yesterdays news. I mean, I know college guys - I was one of them once upon a time :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: And just because he's interested now, doesn't mean he will continue to be. Maybe I will end up boring the hell out of him. Also... we may or may not have made a few more plans to hang out more? I don't know if we'll get to it all, but :eyes:

monica oooh what exactly are you thinking? you said no karaoke until later on but oh my god I am singing to U+Your Hand nonstop since you got yourself into this situation :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: is Scott's mind always in the gutter? what do you mean? :unamused: what happened? Did he tell you that he is interested in someone else? oh my god stop with the boring people thoughts. You definitely don't I hope you will :smiling_face_with_3_hearts::fingers_crossed:

peter I am NOT going to tell you that. :laughing: god, now you're going to get that song stuck in my head, too I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised if it were. He's an almost 26 year old in college. It's likely. No, nothing like that. I'm just saying. He's young. He's attractive. In college. Exploring all of these different paths being presented to him now that he's out here on his own. He does have this friend, Liam, from work. But I don't think he's interested in him like that. Who knows though. You never really know, especially in the beginning. I just can't help but think it, you know I can get a little insecure sometimes :confused: And in this scenario, I'm the older, boring, nerdy, professor. I'm not young and hot like a majority of his fellow classmates. Really flustered :flushed: we're still sorta going off of that comment earlier about being harder on him... and about where that line is drawn because I feel like it just keeps getting drawn further and further away with the way he's talking. He asked me if I wanted him to stop, but... well, I was honest. Honestly, I feel better if he sorta takes the lead in that sort of aspect... because I don't want to overstep and say something he isn't ready for, then he'd be uncomfortable and it'll be like taking a few steps backwards. Admittedly, I don't really want to do that - go backwards, I mean. I was thinking about getting him the first few Umbrella Academy comics. We talked about him borrowing mine, but this way, he'll have his own to start his own collection, if he'd like to. He said he likes the show, so. You think so? That'd be fitting for this nickname he's given him. What makes you think that?

monica that is also very cute of you I like flustered Peter you can probably answer him like in the space that he has drawn the line so that you won't scare him? OH that is so nice. I will probably get him planner supplies. I found a couple of sets that are super cute just a hunch you don't usually go to the guy you like and say hi this is the boy i like the other one in your made up scenario maybe they like...talk about stuff too. And he like encouraged Scott? I don't know

peter Peter hasn't been this flustered in a very long time. I don't think that I'm scaring him... at the same time, it's good to take it a little slow anyways, right? I mean, I don't want to jump too far into the sexual aspects of it all. Even though my mind is wandering quite a bit now... quite a bit. Why must my imagination be so vivid. Planner supplies - god, make it more ovbious that I've given you an entire play by play, will you? Maybe. We've both sorta... settled into the idea of this rather quickly. And for myself, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been able to do that.

monica Monica doesn't know if she should speak in third person too? Slow is always good. at the moment if anyone approached him, I would like to take it slow? before Andrew....do you remember the guy that has convinced himselr was so infatuated with me that didn't even bother setting the pace and just surpassed my boundaries? Still remember that and still think I have wasted my time with him too :flushed:so as slow as it takes Well it is one of your many good attributes. Your imagination :smirk::exploding_head: 1) bookstores are full of them and it is something that you buy someone and you are sure they need it? And 2) it is a way to give my blessing. I feel the bff should do that, right? :kissing_heart:

peter I think we are done speaking in third person. Slow is good. But I feel like I freaked him out or something and now I want to crawl into bed and forget that I've done something as stupid as let myself crush on a student :upside_down: I do remember that guy! He was sorta creepy. I'm so glad that he wasn't the one you ended up being with for 10 years. In this case, I'm not very sure it's doing me any good? :thinking: :man_facepalming: I guess so. I mean, he already knows I've spoken to you about him because I stupidly let it slip.

monica besides a student , he is super attractive and probably into you Well, he is allowed to freak out a bit right? I mean getting into a thing like that ...it is big. As much as you are allowed to freak out, he is too. Cut the boy some slack. thankfully, I cut him off quite early. All this situation was eating me alive though Well... you and your hand toniiiiight :notes::notes::notes: And didn't it slip to him anything else about Liam? Oh my god, I need to know that. I will probably have to talk to him and exchange calming techniques :joy:

peter But how sure are we? That he’s into me, I mean. I’ve been known to over analyze and read way too much into things. You know this about me. Yeah, of course he is. I mean, I’m sorta freaking out, too. I’ve been out of the ‘dating game’ since James. I’m bad at this. I know. You’re right. He has every right to freak out, as much as I do, even. I mean, his English Lit professor is low key, sort of, maybe hitting on him. SO. YEAH. HE CAN FREAK OHT A LITTLE. Literally the soundtrack of my life the past, long few months though. Have to talk to Liam?? Why?? Wow. Ok. I trust you. You know this, but when it comes to my dating life and someone I’m crushing on... maybe not as much????

monica I don't know; you have to let me read your texts, take notes on them and like...make you read them every once in a while to confirm that he is actually into you. I don't know how much...:thinking:but he is enough to keep him texting with you? and I have been doing it for ten years straight...look how well it went? I don't think it matters I believe that as long as you have a certain pace? And you keep respecting each other's boundaries...both of you will be fine It like I heard the caps lock in your own voice? You had a long day texting....maybe you should try napping? oh come on, I will be there with you. I don't trust myself talking to Scott, but Liam....he seems like someone who Scott has been talking to. You can't take that out of my mind. We need to exchange tips. And either way... we won't want to be between you and Scott that night all the time, don't you think? :wink:

peter :laughing: good god, do you think I really need that? How pathetic is that? Yeah, I guess you’re right about that. And Vice versa. I mean, despite our circumstances, we are both still... talking. I guess you’re right... sorta a shot in the dark every time, huh? Yeah. I think I’m thinking too much about it and I need to stop, if I want this to be something, anyways. Something as in... something, I have no idea what something could be. Definitely. I’m going to sleep anyways. But what are you going to talk to Liam about, is the question here. Tips about what? Well, I guess you don't, huh? want to be between me and Scott that night. Why does something tell me that Liam might be on the same page as you with that?

monica if it helps your doubts about how much he likes you, then yes. I am willing to do that. pretty much yes first of all I am not going to tell him anything. I am going to go along with the conversation we are going to have. second, tips about patience and friendships. well I definitely don’t. Seriously, trying to remember how this conversation started I don’t even know how we ended up here. I do want to meet scott but you want to hung out with scott more than I do. and also it is the first time we analyzed a crush of yours that much? because Liam is a friend of Scott’s and wants what is best of him? I doubt that they are anything else than friends. And even if they are, we jump off the wagon once I realize that and we are out of the party. worst case scenario please don’t overthink it

peter Ok, ok. That's ok. I trust you, anyways. Just... when it might come to my love life, you know I get a little :face_with_raised_eyebrow: BUT I know you have my best interest in mind, so yes I trust you. I do. Want to hang out with Scott more than you, I mean. I, also, don't know how we got here right now. It is, isn't?? With reason though. I mean, the circumstances here... are very different from what I'm used to. I feel like I'm breaking so many rules here. There isn't exactly a rule against dating a student... I mean, it's not high school - we're all adults. But it's not exactly encouraged either. Scott did say they're friends. I don't have a reason to not trust him on that, so. But if you get vibes... yeah, let me know because I want out. I'll try not to :upside_down: I think I should just try to get some sleep? I've kept you up long enough, anyways. Talk tomorrow?

monica Yeah. You must know that I am always here for you no matter what. But I won't always be able to understand what you are going through. Besides, it just hit me now that you have said it whenever things with James get better, do ask him about how you are in a relationship and he can give you specific advice? Now that you are friends and has already been in a relationship with you? from my experience, I have never had feelings for my student for example anyway. I may say that it is okay to keep those boundaries intact but you are the teacher, you are living this. And you know better i am just here to support you. And definitely calm you down. But for the love of god don't think too much into it sometimes, we all end up doing that. But it is super easy to think negatively so i guess I understand? Yeah let's go to sleep. BOTH of us we both had very emotional days for various reasons

peter I knowww. Same to you! I mean, I certainly haven’t been with someone for 10 years to understand what you are going through. Advice from James? I never thought the day would come. But yeah, I mean, I guess. Whenever I do get into another relationship, I don’t want to make the same mistakes over again. I don’t know if we’re friends though... another day had passed without a word from him. I don’t know, Mon. I really don’t. That’s a first. Yeah, I know. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Try to get some sleep, yeah? Goodnight.

monica I don't think a lot of people have been in such long relationships without getting married. I mean I am not a bridezilla but it was so weird. HONESTLY, I just called him my fiancè, neither of us had proposed. Things have been sinking in lately and it just makes me so :disappointed_relieved: Anyway, back to you It is not about not making the same mistakes. It is more of a...he knows you well enough to calm you down in these situations. Mostly at least. You won't know what he might tell you that it might click from the very first second with you When we have been talking since I woke up and I might not have helped you at all- just an example Yeah.. let this month pass and if he doesn't send you a message, send him one instead and apologize a bit more? just give it time. I can feel that James is like...the second guy you are most worried about. Goodnight,love:heart:

#muse : peter brice #peter 004 #peter x monica #peter x monica 002

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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861

Are there any common survey questions that are irrelevant to you? Marriage and kids questions like what the previous person said, but only because I’m not at that point yet. I also obviously can’t relate to questions that are specifically meant for a North American audience, like ones that ask about what I bought at Wal-Mart or Trader Joe’s or whatever.

Do you have any eating habits that others think are strange? Yeah, a few. I prefer mayo for dipping fries as opposed to ketchup and a lot of people think that’s weird. I also eat a mostly vegetarian diet. < A mayo ally, yaaas. To add to this I eat a lot of stuff with mayo too, which has met hostile reactions through the years because mayo is apparently unpopular. What else... when I eat fried chicken I usually leave the chicken meat untouched; I just like the skin. I also dislike fruits. This makes me sound like such a picky eater but I’m really not lol

Are there any fictional characters you feel strong connections with? They’re mostly professional wrestlers, which technically count because most of them play fictional gimmicks or characters. I’ve always felt a connection CM Punk which is why he’s been my favorite for like nine years straight now, even though he’s been retired for six.

Does your voice sound different when it’s recorded? No. It sounds the same as how I hear it unrecorded, and I probably fall into the 1% who has no problem hearing her recorded voice.

Is there anyone you wish you were closer to/anyone you want to get to know? Not at this point. I had wanted to know our newest batch of applicants for our org, but Covid happened and that ruined any chances of me being able to do that throughout the semester; and since I’m graduating it’s not like I’ll get to see them anymore after this.

What was the first movie you ever remember watching? Stuart Little 2.

Do you ever sit and read books in bookstores, then not buy them? Sometimes, if the books are already open and if there are seats available. Fully Booked will sometimes provide chairs for people who wanna start reading there, which is a feature of theirs I’ve always loved.

Is there a story behind how you got your name? My parents tell contrasting stories and I think they’ve genuinely just forgotten the real story behind it. Some days they’ll tell me that they encountered the Swedish singer Robyn on TV once and liked the name enough to lock it in for me. Other days they’ll tell me that Robyn was simply a good unisex name to pick. There’s definitely a story out there, I’m just not sure which one it is.

Do you have a favorite film director? If not, what’s your favorite genre? Stanley Kubrick is for sure my favorite but I haven’t been as vocal about my admiration for him these days because of all the stuff he did during the filming of The Shining that got exposed; and if I tried to defend him, Twitter would just bully the shit out of me. If I’m engaging with people who I know wouldn’t tolerate my love for Kubrick I just say Darren Aronofsky, who’s another favorite of mine. But Kubrick is absolutely my #1 when it comes down to his work.

Is dream interpretation something that interests you? No. I’m not interested and I don’t believe in it.

Are there any accents you find blatantly unappealing? Probably a general American accent because I hear so much of it already.

What qualities do you admire in a person? Perseverance is a big one. I love a good survival, rise-from-the-ashes story.

What historical periods/events, if any, do you find the most interesting to hear about? I enjoy social history more than stories about wars or various revolutions. So it doesn’t matter what era or period I’m reading on, but as long as I get to know the education system at the time, their eating habits, the foods they ate, what they’d wear on a daily basis – everyday life, basically – then consider my interest piqued.

Is there a certain song that reminds you of your current relationship? Sure. Gabie made two playlists for us four years ago when we first started dating, and I had those on repeat for a long time; I haven’t listened to the playlists in a while, but the songs will still remind me of our relationship if I encounter them somewhere else.

Do you like to sleep in, or do you prefer to be out of bed early? These days I like getting out of bed early because there’s no reason for me to sleep in anyway. I don’t go to school anymore and I don’t have work, so for me to not go crazy with the nothingness that’s been going on for four months, I have to get up early and find something to do before depression catches me.

Are there any superstitions you buy into, personally? Just one. It’s a popular local superstition based in my school that I and many other students buy into just for the shits and giggles. They say that if you took a photo with the statue at the very front of our school, you’ll end up getting delayed and not graduating in four years. It’s bullshit obviously, but I still insisted that I don’t have any photos anywhere near it during my time as an undergrad. For anyone who made it up to this point of the survey and is curious, the statue is called the Oblation.

Regardless of whether you believe in astrology or not– if you’ve checked it out, of course– does your personality coincide with the given traits for your star sign? Some of it, like the fact that Tauruses are loyal, always think they’re right (lol), and love their food. I hate astrology though and I don’t like befriending people who make it their world.

What was the last film you cried during? If you’ve never cried watching one, what was the last film that moved you in some way? I haven’t watched the whole film since catching it in theatres but I did revisit the ending to Portrait of a Lady on Fire a couple of weeks ago, and it made me cry.

Are politics something you enjoy discussing? I wouldn’t say I enjoy it, but I am very political. I pay attention and I get very passionate about it. I don’t like fighting with close minded people about my opinions/stances. If you can communicate/debate like an adult I don’t have a problem with those kinds of discussions. < There we go.

What is your LEAST favorite song by your favorite band/artist? Ooooooh this question is MEAN lol. I’d have to say Ain’t It Fun. I feel like I’m committing a crime because it’s pretty much Paramore’s most popular song now, but I just never enjoyed it too much.

#survey #surveys

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aliteraryprincess · 5 years ago

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Snow White and Rose Red by Patricia C. Wrede

Warning: Contains spoilers

Welcome back to Fairy Tale Friday! It’s been a very long time! Remember when I planned to post this in September? Yeah, sorry about that. Academia has essentially taken over my life. But today we are finally taking a look at the second “Snow White and Rose Red” retelling of this feature. You can find the previous one here. I have since bought a new illustrated version of the story since apparently my grandparents got rid of my childhood one. Boo hiss to them, but this one is way prettier so I guess it’s okay. Now let’s jump into Snow White and Rose Red!

As a Retelling:

As I discussed in my post on Blanca & Roja, “Snow White and Rose Red” did not originate in oral folklore. The original story by Caroline Stahl is called “The Ungrateful Dwarf”; Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm adapted it for their collection and added in the bear prince. Their version is the most well-known, and Wrede’s book is a nearly beat for beat retelling of it. She doesn’t change or remove much of anything; she just embellishes on what��s already there. She even includes the original story word for word, quoting a piece of it at the beginning of each chapter. I found that particularly nice since I didn’t have to go to another source to reread the tale in order to write this haha. Though the tale originated in Germany, Wrede sets her book in Elizabethan England. To start off the book, Wrede introduces the Widow Arden and her two daughters, Blanche--Snow White--and Rosamund--Rose Red. Unlike the tale, Wrede does not just focus on these characters but also on the princes and the antagonists. We get to see the story from all sides.

Blanche and Rosamund are just like their fairy tale counterparts. Blanche is the sweeter of the two and rather docile while Rosamund is more wild, headstrong, and outspoken. As in the fairy tale, the sisters share a close bond. The family lives in a cottage by the forest and the girls spend a great amount of time outside collecting herbs for their mother, who uses them to make healing tonics and salves for the villagers. However, Wrede’s forest shares a border with Faerie, which the girls are aware of and sometimes purposely go into to get special herbs. Unknown to her daughters at first, the Widow also knows a little bit of magic. She tells them about it once they meet the bear prince, and together they try to create a spell to undo his curse. They become quite adept at it. As a family they make a spell that is able to restore the bear’s speech, and later on the two girls make an ointment on their own that is essential for his transformation back into a human.

The bear prince and his brother are Hugh and John, and they are the half mortal sons of the Faerie Queen. Their personalities complement the girls’. Hugh stays close to home in Faerie while John likes to go out and explore the mortal world even though his mother dislikes it. Hugh ends up cursed due to a spell performed by Doctor John Dee and Edward Kelly, who trap the magical part of his soul in a crystal. The spell causes him to turn into a bear and lose most of his ability to reason. Since the spell comes from the mortal realm, no one in Faerie can help him. They exile him to the mortal realm, where he eventually comes upon the Widow Arden’s house. John’s presence throughout the story is one of Wrede’s few major deviations from the original tale. The bear prince’s brother isn’t mentioned until the very end of the tale when we are told Rose Red marries him when Snow White marries the bear prince. However, John plays a large role in the story and also befriends the girls, helping them search for a way to save his brother. He also takes on the role of a separate character from the fairy tale (if this can even really be called a character, it’s so minor). In both the tale and the book, the girls end up spending the night in the forest. They wake to find someone watching them. In the fairy tale, it is a child-like angel; in Wrede’s story, it is John, who quickly slips on his ring of invisibility after they see him and follows them out of the woods.

The romance in “Snow White and Rose Red” has always been one of my biggest complaints about the fairy tale. Even as a child I didn’t like that Rose Red ends up marrying someone she doesn’t even know while Snow White gets to marry the bear prince they’ve both spent time with. It just doesn’t seem fair. Wrede eliminates this problem by including John right from the beginning. The reader actually meets him before Hugh, and so does Rosamund; they encounter each other while John is on his way back to Faerie from another trip traversing the mortal realm. Their connection is made quite clear through him lightly flirting with her and giving her a rose in full bloom despite it not being the right season. After they meet Hugh, we get many hints that Blanche has strong feelings for him. Even though all of them befriend him, she often gazes at him longingly and gets very emotional in regards to helping him. Even though none of them confess their feelings before the end when the brothers ask to marry the sisters, their relationships are given enough set up that the proposals don’t feel disappointing or out of left field.

Wrede also puts an interesting spin on the antagonists of the story. In the fairy tale, the main antagonist is the dwarf. He steals the bear prince’s treasure and turns him into a bear, though we don’t know this until the end. Snow White and Rose Red meet him three times when he is in difficult situations; the girls help him, but he is always rude in return. Wrede casts two characters in the role of the dwarf: Doctor John Dee, Queen Elizabeth I’s astrologer, and Edward Kelly, an occultist. They don’t place the spell on Hugh out of malice; they don’t mean to cast it on him at all. They are merely trying to get some magical force they can experiment with. However, once they learn the source of the magic they have trapped, Kelly is unwilling to give it up. The antagonists with malicious intent are three creatures from Faerie: Madini, Bochad-Bec, and Furgen. They want to keep Faerie entirely separate from the mortal realm and feel they need to get rid of Hugh and John to do that. They spend a great deal of the book trying to steal the crystal Dee and Kelly trapped the part of Hugh’s soul in. Some of their antics line up with the dwarf’s troubles from the fairy tale. The first time the girls meet the dwarf, his beard is stuck under a fallen tree. In the book, Bochad-Bec, who is an oakman, knocks a large tree branch onto the men, pinning Dee down. The second time the girls meet the dwarf, he is being pulled into the river by a fish. Furgen, a water creature, tries to get Kelly to bring the crystal with him to drown himself in the river. This is a clever way to use events from the original story while removing the reliance on the girls coincidentally meeting an antagonist who just happens to always be in a bad situation.

My Thoughts:

I loved the Elizabethan setting of the book. I’ve been very into historical fantasy recently, so this was perfect! Wrede does a great job balancing the reality of the era with magic and faeries. John Dee and Edward Kelly were real people, so I spent some time looking them up after I finished the book. The events of the story work quite well with what would have been going on in their lives at the time. Even the village the story takes place in is real, which I didn’t know until I was scrolling through Dee’s Wikipedia page! Mortlak, or Mortlake as it is actually called, is a suburb on the south bank of the Thames, and Dee really did live there. So not only was this book an enjoyable fairy tale retelling, it also taught me something new!

One problem I did have with the Elizabethan setting was Wrede’s choice to write the dialogue in Elizabethan English. I found it tedious to read a whole book full of things like, “Cease thy foolishness and tell me where thy wandering feet have taken thee today, that thou hast returned with such uncommon treasures.” I found is especially jarring because the descriptions are written in regular, modern English. Something about switching back and forth between the two kept short fusing my brain. I also typically associate this style of English with books I read for school, so it created a kind of weird disconnect for me. While this is a problem for me personally, I expect that many people might not have so much of an issue with it.

I also did think that Blanche and Rosamund were a little too perfect. They are beautiful and good, and even though Rosamund is outspoken and bold, she never actually does anything bad. There is never any conflict between the two of them or between them and their mother. On one hand, it is nice to see sisters who aren’t being pitted against one another. However, it felt unrealistic for them to be so perfect, especially since most siblings, even those who get along, tend to fight occasionally. I found myself wishing for characters more like those of Anna-Marie McLemore’s Blanca & Roja. Those sisters have a good relationship, but they are both flawed people and those flaws create conflict. I would have liked to see Blanche and Rosamund as more realistic characters with both good qualities and flaws that contribute to the plot.

My Rating: 4 stars

Other Reading Recommendations:

The starred titles are ones I have read myself. The others are ones I want to read and may end up being future Fairy Tale Friday books. I haven’t read many retellings of this tale, so there aren’t as many starred ones as usual.

More Retellings of “Snow White and Rose Red”:

Blanca & Roja by Anna-Marie McLemore*

The Shadow of the Bear by Regina Doman

Tender Morsels by Margo Lanagan

Twin Roses by Sarah Cross

Snow & Rose by Emily Winfield Martin

More Books by Patricia C. Wrede:

Dealing with Dragons (Enchanted Forest Chronicles #1)*

Sorcery & Cecelia: or The Enchanted Chocolate Pot (Cecelia and Kate #1) with Caroline Stevermer*

Thirteenth Child (Frontier Magic #1)*

Shadow Magic (Lyra #1)

Mairelon the Magician (Mairelon #1)

About the Fairy Tale:

“History of ‘Snow White and Rose Red’” by Sarah Viehmann*

Coming Soon:

So it seems that “soon” is kind of a relative term in my world...again, sorry about that. According to the poll that was taken ages ago now, next up will be “The Princess and the Pea.” You can expect that next month as part of my Fairy Tale February 2020 event, which I hope you will consider joining me for!

Have a recommendation for me to read or a suggestion to make Fairy Tale Friday better? Feel free to send me an ask!

#aliteraryprincess fairy tale friday #booklr #snow white and rose red #patricia c wrede #book photography #books #fairy tale retellings #fairy tales

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blackgirlblues · 6 years ago

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Being a Black Girl and Finding Love

l o fucking l

impossible

the last time i posted on this blog i was 18, 3 weeks away from leaving my hometown to pursue music in London and upset because my white friends didn’t understand the basics of cultural appropriation.

here i am, back almost a whole year later.

im 19 now, im a singer songwriter living in London, with an amazing group of diverse friends who understand each other and really have eachother’s backs. the last few months have been crazy for me, and i’ve experienced and learned about different parts of myself that i never knew existed because of how suppressed i was in my home environment until i moved.

one of these things that i never really knew that well about myself, was how much i could feel for one person.

growing up, i never really had much luck in the guy department. all my friends were white, and pretty, and most of the time i was the only black girl which, automatically, in society’s eyes- made me the ugly friend. it’s a statement that i know will make whoever reads this gasp. how can i call myself the ugly friend just because i’m the only black girl in the group? the same way our white as fuck society upholds euro-centric beauty standards and gives us warped depictions of what beautiful should be. beautiful in our modern day society means skinny, white and with long hair. its 2019, so this is not as rigid as it used to be, but growing up, it didn’t take long for me to realise that i was not what was desired by any of the guys me or other girls had their eyes on.

not that boys are the be all and end all of life, but we can all agree that as young teenage girls, developing your first crush was a pretty big part of life. and the need to feel desired, and loved, and wanted will always be a big part of the human condition. and this isn’t something i’ve always had the pleasure of experiencing growing up as a young girl the way i watched my other friends have.

i’ll spare you the long emotional details of childhood trauma when it comes to accepting myself and not letting whether white boys think i’m cute or not decide my value, i’ll just cut straight to what’s been keeping me up at 2am for the past 6 months.

two characteristics.

capricorn with green eyes.

i met him randomly at some music networking event and i always think about how weird it was that we somehow met in the first place. i was supposed to have gone home 10 minutes before, picked up an angry call from my dad telling me to go straight home even though he was a whole plane ride away. and my friend - let’s call her ellie, was outraged. “it’s only ten o’ clock you can’t leave”. she sounded stressed, to say the least. so, i didn’t. and 10 minutes later, i bump into him.

fuck him.

pretty smile, pretty eyes, pretty face, pretty laugh and he liked lorde and brockhampton. i was doomed from the start quite honestly.

we exchanged instagrams, he invited me to some event he was putting on and this open mic in shoreditch that he and his friends always went to. and the rest was history that i cant ever seem to properly let go of.

i started going to this shit every week just to see him, and after a couple months started developing a little crush, which after an invitation to some house parties, 2am voice memo conversations, supposed songs written about me (maybe), lingering looks, and a lot of conversations about astrology spiralled into me having full blown feelings for his pretentious ass. and it’s worse because he was never just a stupid boy. he was everything that i had always asked the universe for. i always said, that if the universe ever decided to send me my first boyfriend, that i wanted him to be educated in social issues, intelligent, motivated. capricorn was this.

it’s just a shame that he probably didn’t feel the same way.

i’ve been holding out hope for the longest time that maybe, just maybe, this time, i could finally be the girl that a guy looks at and says “yo, i want her.” the girl that someone looks at and sees something they could love. i wanted to experience the feeling of having someone reciprocate your feelings, and being in a relationship, and learning and growing with eachother. i wanted to have my first kiss and all these other things i dreamt up in my head because that’s what my scorpio ass does best; dreams.

for once, i wanted to be that girl. the girl that’s desired. and not just desired but desired enough that someone truly starts to pursue me.

let me cut to the chase and tell you that didn’t happen here.

i let myself over-analyze, i blamed myself, wondered what i was doing wrong, how i could be “cooler”, if i was “cool enough” to even be with someone like him; that was my first mistake, putting some boy on a pedestal because i was lonely and touch-starved. scorpio ass behaviour.

i let myself get sad when he wouldn’t text, or when he wouldn’t reply how i wanted. when he wouldn’t give me back the same energy i gave to him. i let myself get angry when i would show up to events to support him and he would dissapear for hours or flirt with other girls. because what the fuck? wasn’t i the one? i’m supposed to be the one. it’s my turn to be the one that somebody wants. why did the universe keep dangling something in front of me that i clearly couldn’t have?

i thought that when i moved, everything would be different and somehow the stars would align and i would meet a boy that would finally make me “the one”. finally, i would get to experience everything my friends did while i sat on the sidelines and wished i had what they did.

nah though, that’s not how shit works for girls like me apparently.

girls like me lead ourselves on, the boys don’t even have to do any work.

girls like me bask in the smidge of attention our crush gives us because we thrive off of the hope that somehow, maybe, possibly, they could feel the exact same way we have for so long and that eventually everything will come out and it will be a happy ending.

but what happens when none of that shit goes to plan?

i uploaded some random track that i was pretty proud of, it wasnt an official release so i wasnt really expecting a wide response. and i had been training myself not to expect anything from capricorn so i wouldn’t get hurt. but i couldn’t help the feeling i got when i realized that he didn’t share my song on instagram - which - i know, petty. but it was really the principle that got to me.

i’ve been so supportive of this guy for the longest time. i would always ask about his projects, current and upcoming, hype him up over the littlest things but very rarely did he ever even ask me about what i had planned or about my day, anything he posted relating to his music, i would repost. i would message him saying congratulations, or that his song was fire or that he was just doing a really good job. i’d come to his shows and do the same. and he couldn’t even repost a track on his instagram feed? why? too worried about looking cool and professional for his all his lowkey famous edgy hipster friends?

something switched inside me, really, i just got angry. anger is the key for me a lot of the time. and it helped me realize, as much as it fucking hurt, that i wasn’t and would never get the same energy back from capricorn, no matter how hard i tried. no matter how much or how little i posted. regardless of how i analyzed the lyrics of his songs that i thought were about me, or the content of his instagram posts or his messages back. i would never get what i was putting in. and i still don’t know why.

i don’t know why i never seem to be enough for the ones i truly want. but then did i really want him or the idea of him? regardless, i get neither at the end of the day. and that shit hurts, because this time, i let my hopes get higher and higher.

and boy is it a long way down.

my minds gone through many phases when it comes to him, but i think im finally at the point where im just accepting the fact that he doesnt want me even though i want him.

so bad.

and maybe its the 3am talking, but i dont think anybody will ever want me in the way i want them.

one time when i was 15, one of my friends said she couldn’t ever imagine me in a relationship. i cant either.

maybe i’m unlovable, maybe love and relationships just aren’t supposed to be a thing for someone like me.

i don’t really know if i believe in love anymore- which i know seems a bit dramatic all because of one guy but please understand its really an accumulation of things over the past few years of my growth.

nothing the universe has given me or shown me tells me that i could ever find love in any place i look.

so, i’m just going to stop looking.

and i’m going to stop hoping, and manifesting, and wishing on 11:11′s, and on stars that i’m too far away to reach.

and i’m going to stop opening my heart to every person who glances at it and smiles.

and i’m going to stop giving the best version of myself to boys who wont even give me a quarter of what they are.

and i’m going to stop thinking like just because i’ve moved countries that things have changed for me.

and i’m going to accept that love isn’t something that was made for me.

it never was.

at least now i know for sure.

#black girl #black love #first love #first kiss #young love #crush #unrequited love #sad thoughts #poem #poems on tumblr #text post #confessions of a black girl #diary of a black girl

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pubertee · 6 years ago

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end of chapter nineteen.

I’m not sure if this is meant to be a letter to myself or just a note to write for the sake of remembering what it felt like to be who I am right now, but either way, I thought I should write something.

There’s lots of things that people say about their teen years, and a lot of these things come from people who have already moved past it. A general consensus amongst older people these days is that your teenage years are carefree and lovely. It’s a time to ponder, a time of buffer.

Have these people just lived beautifully privileged lives? Did all of their worries suddenly hit them once they hit 20? I guess it’s easy to look at a pretty view once they’ve reached the top of a summit but harder to remember how long it took to get there, how hard it really was and, yes, how lovely and fruitful it was. But carefree? Not at all.

Each person only ever gets to experience being a teenager once. We’re all trying our best to make sure that we live out these years to the best of our abilities.

I’m less than two months away from turning 20.

A lot of the times I try to picture my life by sectioning it off into different chapters and categories, each with their own feeling, timeframes, and mazes. I’ve come to a point in my life where after wondering when this chapter would end, I’m suddenly holding it in my hand. I can flip through it and try my best to remember everything I’ve done and felt, though reading through it in its entirety is of course, impossible. Sometimes I wish I had been more consistent with journaling or keeping a diary, but I think I’ve always just been better at writing summaries when I feel like I need to. Maybe I’ll try more in my 20′s. It’s so weird to think that soon enough, I’ll be in my 20′s. I’m at home right now in my childhood room, and I can still remember how it felt to be sitting at my desk when I was 13. Since I’m at home for winter break, I’ve fallen back into old habits like opening my curtains in the morning to look at the same view I used to see from elementary through high school, looking around for my cat to greet her, asking what my mom made for dinner, listening for a certain pattern of footsteps to know that someone is at my door before they even come in, things like that. But I know I’ve become older since all of this has become somewhat distant to me. It’s a familiarity that I’ve become unaccustomed to. A familiarity that’s become unfamiliar?

I’m not sure if I’m just overly emotional to write about it, but I assume other people feel the same way. I don’t think there’s any shame in taking the time to really think about it. I think it’s one of my ways of processing and assessing what’s happening to me.

I’m growing up. My childhood days are long gone.

I’ve been hit with about a dozen different things these past few months that makes this fact really apparent, too.

I think that I’m a kid at heart because a lot of things forced me to grow up quickly when I was actually a kid, so I make up for it now. But I wish I could have told 13 year old me to enjoy being that age more. I’m the type of person to jump the gun in terms of setting goals. I just want to hurry and get there already, but I tend to forget that the process is the most gratifying part. I had a lot of hard times growing up, so I think I wished to get to “the good part” already. But there’s really no point in wishing to be somewhere else when you’re already in a different place. I guess my point is that it would have been better for me to try and work with what I had, even if what I had was something that I didn’t like. I wasted a lot of my days hoping for better ones.

These past few months were really rough. A lot of the times life can come and creep up on your daily routine, and anomalies start to show up everywhere. Routines can be interrupted, no one is invincible. My friend was diagnosed with cancer, then my dad was somehow also diagnosed with cancer, my anxiety came back full force (and my depression with it), I’ve realized that I’m pretty sure I have some mild form of OCD, I had a fever and was sick for a month straight, I had to deal with all of this being hundreds of miles away from home and going to university, etc etc. Life became difficult and suffocating for a bit. I had nights where I felt hopeless. I cried into my pillow, cried in my closet, cried in the shower. I cried for feeling like I had accomplished nothing until now, for feeling like a sad excuse for a daughter or first born child or eldest sister, for realizing that my cat I’ve had for 18 years will pass away sometime in the near future, for feeling like I lacked in a sense of direction and foundation, for my friend, for my dad, for my pained mind and body. My stupid astrology retrograde horoscopes were right (kidding, but some of it was too accurate for my doubts). At the end of the day, I have to admit to myself that there are still days where I look into the mirror and dislike what I see after all these years. There are a lot of unexpected events that can occur at the worst of times. It’s hard to see terrible things happen to you or to people around you and think “it is what it is.” I guess 13 year old me thought things would be better or easier by now.

And in a lot of ways, it is.

This might be obvious, but for whatever reason it wasn’t for me; The problems you encounter when you’re 13 will be different from the ones that you encounter when you’re 19. Sometimes problems come with a matter of age, or have nothing to do with age. The problems you encounter when you’re 13 might be similar to the ones that you encounter when you’re 14, but they should still be a little bit different. When you take a step up a staircase, the view from one step to another might not that different. But if you climb enough steps, the view gradually shifts, your problems gradually shift, and there’s plenty of things to move on from. There’s a lot of value in the saying that you should take things “one step at a time.” And the key is to make sure that you don’t become a victim of your struggles. You should try and support those who struggle, too, so that they don’t let themselves become a victim of life. Life isn’t black and white.

In the grand scheme of the entirety of my teen years, I can at the very least say that no matter what I may think of my progress, I have come such a long way in general. As sad and dramatic as it may sound, there were points in my teenage years where I didn’t think I would make it to 20. It seemed so far away, and there were too many stairs to count. The maze was too hard to figure out. The chapters didn’t seem to want to write itself. There were moments were my heart was void of hope, empty of dreams, and filled with sadness. There were days, weeks, months where I felt like my life had very little value. I’m glad I was able to move past a lot of those times, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to experience all the good things that ensued. But I know those feeling can return from either within myself or because of new problems that will arise. Life isn’t happy all of the time, but the lessons you learn from bad days let you truly experience and appreciate good ones.

If I could only choose to remember one thing that I’ve learned from my teenage years, it’s that I should be kinder to myself. There’s a phrase in Japanese that my mom has said to me growing up, but it really took me until this year to truly hear the weight or meaning of her words. I understood, but brushed it aside. She says, “Vicky wa Vicky de ii. Jibun wa jibun de ii.” A general translation of it is, “you are fine as you are.” I’ve never really been one to share my thoughts or worries or nayami’s with her or my family growing up, but there’s something about hearing those words from her that made me choke up one day. It was like I was hearing it for the first time, but I was actually understanding what she meant for the first time. Though she couldn’t get me to share my thoughts with her, but she at least wanted me to know that she accepts me as how I am. She knew I had it tough growing up. When I understood, I realized that there’s other people who have told me similar things. I have people in my life who accept me. It took all of my teen years for me to realize it. She wanted me to be kinder to myself, too.

It’s nearly the end of my teenage years. I do have a lot to show for it compared to where I began. I suffered what there was to suffer and enjoyed what there was to enjoy. There’s always going to be good and bad days, and it’s not bad to look forward to good days. I have plenty more in store for me, and I’m excited to see what will come next. The fact that I can say this is worth more than what I could have ever asked for at 13. I hope that answers your questions and eases your doubts, Vic.

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theartscenter-blog · 5 years ago

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Student Work: The Sun Is Hot Because It’s Hot

The following piece, entitled “’The sun is hot because it’s hot’: public speaking in the era of Zoom,” was written by Amy Sayle, one of the students in Julia Green’s recent online class, Writing Through Crisis: Using Memoir to Navigate Challenging Times. The next section of Writing Through Crisis begins Tuesday, July 28th. For more information and to register for this class, visit this link.

“The sun is hot because it’s hot”: public speaking in the era of Zoom

By Amy Sayle

Revised 6/19/20

It’s 10 a.m. on the dot, my webcam is on, and I am live in front of our Zoom audience, when I open my mouth, look at the screen, and completely forget what I’m supposed to say.

The problem is not that I care what I look like. I’ve never succumbed to the hair-makeup-fashion-etc. expectations for women’s appearances.

The problem is also not a fear of public speaking. I make a living presenting to the public at a planetarium, and I am completely comfortable with large, live, in-person audiences.

This is a change from when I started doing this in 1998. Back then, after every planetarium show, I would obsess about anything I’d said that wasn’t perfect. Maybe I’d garbled an explanation of why Polaris hasn’t always been the North Star, or misunderstood a kid’s question about the planets, or said something snarky about astrology. Once, in front of an audience filled with high school students, I was trying to say “planet Venus” and accidentally transposed the initial letters of those two words.

I’d ruminate over these blunders for hours, convinced that the audience members were doing the same. I imagined the adults laughing about my mangled explanations over dinner with their kids, or while side by side on their pillows. I imagined the jokes about my mistakes that the teens would be telling at parties for years to come.

Finally, it occurred to me that it didn’t really matter. The shows were live, with no recording. My words vanished into the ether as soon as they were spoken. Probably no one remembered much of the specifics of what I said or even who I was. No one was there to see me anyway. I was literally in the dark.

But this spring, the pandemic has meant no more shows inside the planetarium. Now it’s all online live sky tours using planetarium software, followed by Q&A. This means my name and my face are also on the screen. Worst of all, the live sessions are recorded from Zoom and put up on YouTube for anyone to see.

So there I am, at 10 a.m. on a Thursday, about to welcome our audience to one of our “engaging learning opportunities, like this live virtual event!”

. . . or something like that. Who knows what I’m supposed to say? I don’t know anymore, because my mind has gone blank. The reason I’m rattled is that we’re training someone new to handle the back-end work for these live videos, and she’s joined the video only a few minutes before 10, having struggled to find the correct Zoom link. Then she’s struggled to figure out how to screen-share our intro slide, and we’ve just realized she also needs to super quickly learn Zoom’s polling feature.

In the Before Time, inside the planetarium, there was lots of technology to deal with. But I’d long become used to talking to an audience while being responsible for the microphone, lights, music, not to mention the entire universe, all while simultaneously having a group late-seated right in front of me or a toddler melting down in the background.

But dealing with a webcam, computer mic, and the weird sensation of talking from a living room to an invisible audience while seeing my own image in front of me—that all still feels very new. It feels like a major accomplishment merely to hit the correct keys at the correct moment to unmute myself and turn on the webcam. Knowing that our new person is wrestling with even more new technology, technology crucial for making this all work, is totally freaking me out.

At 9:59 a.m., the colleague who is training our new person wisely pulls the plug on the training and seizes back the host control. A hastily typed, cryptic message goes out on the chat to all of us. Something like: “you ready.”

It’s now 10 a.m., our live audience is waiting, we’re supposed to start, and this is not the start signal we’ve used with our other presentations. I’m not sure who’s typed this, whether it’s a question or a statement, or who it’s directed at. This unleashes some frantic back and forth typing, with me finally writing, “starting hope you’re ready.”

I successfully turn on my audio and camera. This apparently uses up all the cognitive power I had left, because then I promptly forget what we’re all here for. I think I forget my own name. I stumble though the introduction, then turn things over to my colleague Nick to introduce himself and our theme for the day: the constellations of the zodiac.

I breathe a sigh of relief as everything goes smoothly for the next 25 minutes. Since Nick has to do a lot of work to manipulate the planetarium software that generates the sky, it’s my job to do most of the talking. The topic is one I’ve spoken about many times, I’m in the groove, and I explain everything reasonably competently. I think I even avoid unnecessary snark about astrology, and I forget about my botched intro.

Whenever Nick takes a quick turn to say something, I check the Q&A to see if anyone’s written any relevant questions.

No, it turns out.

There are only a few questions, and they are relevant only in the sense that they relate in some way to some object in outer space. Otherwise, the questions are wildly off topic: “What’s a white dwarf?” (which the questioner has spelled “dorf”) “How long would it take to get to Neptune?” “Why is the sun hot?” Why is the sun hot? What?

We finish our presentation, and it’s time to handle questions. Since attendees can’t see each other’s questions, I decide to ignore what everyone has typed in, in favor of pretending someone has asked an excellent, on-topic question about the zodiac constellations. I answer my made-up question brilliantly.

It’s now 10:28 or 10:29, and I’m expecting Nick to segue into our outro, about following us on twitter and the like. I’m not even really paying attention anymore. I’m fantasizing about the snack I’m going to have as a reward for surviving this. I wonder if there’s still a chocolate bar left in the pantry. Maybe it’s even the orange dark chocolate.

That’s when Nick does the thing we agreed we would never do. Which is to take a question from the Q&A and pose it to the other person.

I am jolted out of my chocolate reverie by this: “So, Amy. Why is the sun hot?”

You know how our president speaks when he’s not reading from a teleprompter? How he often sounds like he has little grasp of either the concept he’s talking about or of the English language itself?

That is what happens to me. What comes out my mouth is incoherent Trumpian word salad. I haven’t dared to revisit the video, but I’m pretty sure I start by explaining the mass of the Sun by using the phrase “the Sun has a lot of stuff.” And I say words like “nuclear fusion” and “hydrogen” and “helium” and “pressure” and “temperature” and possibly I throw out numbers like “27 million degrees Fahrenheit”—but all in a way that is unmoored from logic or meaning.

In the end, I have answered the simple question, the good-if-not-completely-relevant question of “Why is the sun hot?” with a whole bunch of words that basically translate to: “The Sun is hot because it is hot.”

This is mortifying. I have spewed out nonsense, about a very basic question, live on the internet, and it’s all connected to my name and face. Worst of all, this session is being recorded. It will exist on the internet, for as long as the internet exists, available on YouTube to billions of my fellow humans, who can replay it again and again and laugh at what I said.

To recover from this, I have had to draw upon research I remember reading about once, that yes, people do pay attention to us, but no one is paying attention to us in the way that we think.

Therefore, I comfort myself with the thought that most people won’t even notice how badly I mangled that answer. Instead, they’ll notice other things, possibly like how I wear the same black shirt for every live session. Or how my hair is a one giant humido-meter, perfectly preserving a record of central North Carolina humidity from day to day, by the specific diameter and height of the frizz halo.

And I don’t care about any of that.

Though I am convinced that someone, somewhere, is still getting laughs at parties by recounting that time way back in high school when they went on a field trip to the planetarium and the lady pointed out “vlanet penis.”

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indi-flying-with-dragons · 8 years ago

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(Get ready!) 1. Any scars? 4. Kissed anyone? 5. Coke or Pepsi? 6. Someone you hate? 7. Best friends? 8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs? 9. What’s your dream job? 13. Height? 18. Obsession? 19. If you had one wish, what would it be? 21. Kiss or hug? 22. Nicknames people call you? 23. Favorite song? 24. Favorite band? 26. Best thing that has ever happened to you? 27. Something you would change about yourself? 30. Watch the movie or read the book? 32. Favorite show?

[Continued]

(Same anon continued!) 35. Do you wish you could ever start over? 36. Any bad habits? 37. Ever had a near death experience? 38. Someone you can tell anything to? 41. Someone you hate/dislike? 42. Are you okay?

WOW… you’re certainly a…. enthusiastic anon eh? e.o *mind boggled* Let me… let me reply to all these. As brief as possible. E^E….Geesh. 24 different questions. Damn… My apologies to everyone. This is gonna be a LONG POST. e.o

Btw THANKS FOR ASKING :D *GLOMPAGES* X3 *hug-SQUISH*

Long post below! O.e

1. Any scars?

Um, I have two on my head, right behind my ears at different heights from my two different cochlear implant surgeries to install the internal parts into my head so the external processors will work. When my hair is short it looks like someone purposefully buzzed a line through my hair there, lol, but it’s natural from the surgery when I was 7 and 11 years old respectively.

And since I heal very well, my scars are real hard to see. I still have a faint one on my thumb, at the base of the last joint to the front of it, and one along the left side of my middle finger (both fingers on my right hand) that is still rough and keeps peeling a lot even now, years after the event.

Those I got from a random-ass exploding lightbulb that I was screwing in, had MADE SURE the lamp was off both at the wall and at the lamp itself (though I didn’t unplug it because I didn’t think I needed to…), but nope I had screwed it in one too many times, saw a BRIGHT FLASH OF LIGHT, and then it exploded, glass everywhere, and somehow only got hit on my index finger, middle finger, and thumb. ONLY there! Even to this day my engineer mother is completely baffled as to how that happened.

4. Kissed anyone?

Yes. My first ever kiss[es] was with an enthusiastic sloppy and awkward boy during a yearly dance when I was in highschool (I was unschooling and going to the Voyagers Homeschooling Co-op and they hosted yearly dances). Five French kisses are not my idea of a good first kiss ever!

My second ever person to kiss was … well. *blush and funny deadpan with crossed arms* He knows who he is. Since apparently I keep totally forgetting it somehow until he mentions it in a teasing fashion and yes we did date for a short while there before breaking up and remaining friends.

My third and remainder of kisses are thoroughly claimed by my handsome, hot boyfriend. -w-

5. Coke or Pepsi?

Coke. ALL. THE. WAY.

Blame my awesome grandmother (R.I.P.) who had 4 pm be coca cola time every day. :D She got me on coke early. …NOT COCAINE! Yeesh. Dirty minds. She also introduced me to my love of dragons and she was awesomely supportive and adoring of my artwork. :3 Since she was hard of hearing from old age and I was born hard of hearing, we got along well with having the TV on a comfortable loudness (for us). x3

…Damn just thinking about coca cola makes me think of her. :,) I even drank a whole 1 liter glass bottle of coke we got at a Mexican food store nearby for her funeral fiesta since she wanted a party for a funeral, not a sad dirge. :3 https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/ea/51/da/ea51da750fc136a655021c558b7c28c5.jpg Yes this one. XD I drank it all in under an hour in her honor and memory. I was so thirsty and so proud. XD I still have the empty bottle. x3

6. Someone you hate?

IDK… Hmm… I’m not one to really hate people. It’s such a strong emotion… I always thought of it as a “I want you to instantly die, right here and right now!” kind of emotion. So I don’t really hate people.

…I DO know of someone I would… honestly NOT be sad if she died. Considering she caused a hellava LOT of suffering and torment for my friend. I’d be sad because my friend would be sad, BUT I wouldn’t be sad because I actually missed her or regretted her death in any way.

7. Best friends?

Oh gosh. :3 Off the top of my head @destan-of-the-shadows and @faes-hiding-place :D my boyfriend counts too! Two RL friends I can meet with at times are more friends than “best” friends but I still count them as my friends because we’ve been friends since like 5th or 6th Grade in Middle School when we were all like 11 or 12 years old. :D I’m 22 now so see how long we’ve been friends. :D

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?

NO drugs! The only thing that counts as alcohol is that couple sips of champagne at my cousin’s wedding when the servers mistakenly forgot to give us kids sparkling apple cider instead of champagne. Oops. XD We of course took great advantage of sipping as much as we could before they removed it. ;D It tasted HORRIBLE though. X_X What’s the appeal? IDK!

I drank some sips of other people’s drinks when I turned 21 but I absolutely HATE and CANNOT STAND the horribly bitter taste of alcohol (even in the sweetest mixed drinks it is strong and proud there when nobody else can taste it). Even if it’s burned off when used in a cheese fondue, that HORRIBLE bitterness remains. Bitter like the rotting corpse of a dying animal.

No thank you. I don’t ever want to drink again. X_X

9. What’s your dream job?

…. :,,,( I’ve not thought about this in ages… since I had to give up a lot of my “dream jobs” and “dream life” in order to make peace with the chronically ill life I have now. The grieving process was hard.

Goodbye my aspirations of being a geneticist, a psychologist, or even a therapist. Hello my life goals of being a professional artist and published author. :3

13. Height?

5'10". 5 feet, 10 inches. -w- … I really wish I was taller than my dad though. *grumble* He’s 6 feet. At least I’m an inch taller than my MOM. -^-

18. Obsession?

Oh dear. Which one? XD Take your pick. ;D I have: dragons, wings, flight, flying, cats/felines, biology, psychology, discussing the universe, astrology, culture, world-building, magic, art (as in drawing and coloring), writing, daydreaming, reading, listening to music, and cuddling with my boyfriend in a literal Netflix and chill. -w-

19. If you had one wish, what would it be?

…. *blinks and sighs* … It’d either be to be healthy again so I wouldn’t have this chronic illness (but would still keep my being deaf and hard of hearing because I LIKE THAT PART)… or to go back home, to my home world where my soul came from.

Yeah. XP

21. Kiss or hug?

Hug. :3 Preferably cuddle. :D

22. Nicknames people call you?

Indi-bindy-bo (You know who you are

23. Favorite song?

OH GEEZE. Hard to answer! XD … My favorite song of ALL time that I will ALWAYS love, have always loved, and might as well be my theme song for the sake of it? xD “Can’t Take Me (I’m Free!)” by Bryon Adams, from the Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron movie. xD

24. Favorite band?

My favorite singer is Michael Jackson. :3 He’s the only one I really know a lot about. All other bands and singers I just like some of their songs but know nothing about them as people, not even what they LOOK like a lot of times. -////- I prefer to respect their privacy. :)

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?

Oh… Oh GOSH. IDK… XD … :3 Meeting my boyfriend, @destan-of-the-shadows and @faes-hiding-place :3

27. Something you would change about yourself?

See my wish above. -.- I’d LOVE to change that chronic illness of myself. … If I can’t then my persistent anxiety, or to somehow grow wings (like this third would be more likely than the other two? XD Hell, I can still ask! XD)

30. Watch the movie or read the book?

I’d rather read the book. :3 Unless the book is so horrible, that I wanna see why people think it’s so horrible, then I watch the movie because they usually try to tone things like that down. If the movie is horrible in many of the ways that I’ve heard criticism of the book itself… then I know never to touch that book. E^E

32. Favorite show?

Of all time? Avatar: The Last Airbender, Gargoyles, and Seconds from Disaster. >:D

Right now? XD Air Disasters. -w-

35. Do you wish you could ever start over?

Start what over? This life? Blegh. Don’t make me go through puberty TWICE!

… *looks at the side effects of taking testosterone HRT* Oh wait, I’m already doing that! -p-

… Make that don’t make me go through it a THIRD time. xD Even if that means I’d be able to be in a male body from day one, as opposed to having to be trans. XP

36. Any bad habits?

Which one do you wanna know? -x- Anxiety, hyper-focusing on a thing in my mind and then having the mind get stuck and not concentrate on anything else until I yank it off that… Staying quiet about things that affect me because I don’t want to hurt others or be a burden? Often opting to be quiet instead of confronting things that could make the relationship better in the long run? Being intensely private? Judging the strength of my relationships based on how much of my inner self I truly share? Doing subtle tests as I get to know someone to see which subject is “safe” to talk about and which I should just shut up about without them ever knowing? Over-thinking things a ton? Apparently my not needing to talk to others for a while is a weird-ass thing? … I can go on. -x-

Oh wait, were you asking about like little quirks like twirling hair or picking at the skin kinda bad habits? My apologies. -x-;;

37. Ever had a near death experience?

Yes. Waking up to being strangled by a spirit counts as that.

No, I’ve had an occasion of sleep paralysis before. I know what that feels like. You can’t move anything.

This was where I CAN move. I could move my hands and arms and everything else. It’s just something invisible and mostly intangible was strangling the life out my throat. Not from the inside choking, because I know what that feels like too. (My Life…) but from the outside suffocation and pressure and constriction on the outside of my neck.

Being strangled to near death in my spirit form by another spirit meant my physical body could feel that too, panicked the FUCK OUT at the feel of almost dying, and I literally felt my awareness fading away into a black nothingness with the faint but faltering heartbeats starting to skip and take longer and longer between each beat. Gasping and choking and then going still…

Thankfully helpful spirits got the negative one off and thoroughly destroyed it. They could heal my spirit form and with that healed, my body was able to come back too.

Never want to do that EVER. AGAIN. *shuddering* Those spirit attacks over the course of those three years were HELL on Earth. *holds self tight*

38. Someone you can tell anything to?

My boyfriend. I’m still working on being more honest with my two close friends @destan-of-the-shadows and @faes-hiding-place but I’ve made a lot of progress over the years thankfully. :3

41. Someone you hate/dislike?

Try that woman I mentioned far above that I hate.

As for actively dislike? Trumperdink. Bigoted assholes. TRUSCUM, TERFS, SWERFS, rapists, rape-apologists, racists, ableist assholes, murderers, serial killers, homophobes, aphobes, transphobes, and all the rest of that shit. I really dislike and don’t trust the police force in this country. And the vast majority of politicians too.

My country is a dystopian nightmare the tyrannical capitalist US of A. x.= Save me.

42. Are you okay?

Umm…Today was a bit hellish. I survived though. *grins a bit too widely and eyetwtiches* My life is just…………. very…… VERY………. interesting. *twitch*

… I still stand by my previous opinion of laughing my ass off at the utter ridiculousness of how people try to portray those “superhero teenagers” as somehow balancing a “regular life” with “crime fighting on the side with a secret identity” and somehow NOT having the crime fighting life interfere with their regular life outside of those “special two episodes.”

Yeah the fuck right.

Obviously written by those who have NO idea what balancing two different lives are like. X_X In my case it’s nothing so noble as a superhero identity, but it’s the difference of my spirit life and physical life.

And above, in my near-death-experiences… you saw just ONE of the many manifestations of that clash. -x- …Not. ….Fun.

I high-key DO NOT RECOMMEND. -x-

Most days these days (since the spirit attacks ended WHOOT WHOOT!) I can have a normal calm life. Then SOMETHING comes up and I’m like “what the shit-fuck is my entire existence right now??”

Yeah. -x-

… Can I have a hug? ;;;n;;;

#answers #answering a submission #ask game #ask me anything #long post #thank you!#my confessional #confession #confessions

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scionofchaos · 4 years ago

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The Definition of Magic

Magic. The power of apparently influencing the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces. Common cultural influence would have us think of those who practice this magic as old bearded men with starry caps, or green and haggard witches with pointy hats, bubbling cauldrons, and weird familiars. But in my experience with, and investigation of this topic, my findings have been quite distinct from that.

Magic in English comes from the late 14th century word magike, the art of influencing or predicting events and producing marvels using hidden natural forces," also "supernatural art." Magike comes from the Old French magique, from Late Latin magice, from Greek magike (which is paired with tekhne meaning 'art'). Magike is the feminine of magikos, which is a form of magos, a word that means 'one of the members of the learned and priestly class.' This came from Old Persian magush, referring to their learned and priestly class specifically, and is believed to have a Proto-Indo European root *magh-, meaning 'to be able, have power.' *magh is the hypothetical source of words like may, might, main, and mechanism, as well as Sanskrit mahan, Greek mekhane and makhos, Old Church Slavonic mošti, Russian moč, Old English maeg, and Old Norse magn. The word magic displaced wiccecraeft and drycraeft.

Prior to the English word, we have Greco-Roman history. The words Magos, Magian, or Magician were influenced by and eventually displaced the Greek word goēs, the word for an astrologer, alchemist, and/or other form of magician. Magic was borrowed from and inspired by religious practices, or at least appeared as such. While religious practices approached the divine from a pleading position, a begging posture, Magic was more for the manipulation of divine mysteries; often conducted in secrecy. In the Persian empire, Persian magi were credited as profoundly and extraordinarily knowledgeable, while Babylonian magi were described as outright imposters. This is perhaps less likely, as Babylon had a more direct contact with the single oldest pantheon (via Sumer).

What I have determined through my studies is that, while the common scientific perspective holds that reality is solely based in physical laws (ergo, the non-physical equals the non-real), the truth is somewhat broader. There are five, or perhaps more, tiers of interaction on which the universe is constructed. It is these five tiers that the practitioner of magic seeks to manipulate for their benefit. Some choose to work with beings they identify as spirit guides, angels, demons, fae, or even deities. Gods. I find these terms to be subjective, but if you want to use them, go ahead. These higher beings then provide assistance in manipulation. Without them, one can still produce a working that alters the structure of the Five. Why can't a mage simply speak a working into existence, such as throwing a fireball, lifting off the ground, or appearing somewhere they once were not? Because all superior tiers of reality are founded upon the physical; it is the most dense and the most trying to alter. Let's take fire for example.

Fire is the rapid oxidation of a material in the exothermic chemical process of combustion, releasing heat, light, and various reaction products. So says Wikipedia. But let's break that down into more digestible terms, shall we? This is a process where chemicals transfer electrons -- a fundamental building block of nature that has a part in electricity, magnetism, chemistry, and thermal conductivity. When this exchange happens, the result is combustion -- a release of heat, light, and often sound, with various other products like smoke. There are various, complicated processes at work there, all on a level you can't study with the naked eye. But to put it simply, the attempt to produce fire must overcome a certain "activation energy" or combustion does not occur. For you to accomplish this through magic, you would have to create a series of complicated, highly potent interactions that can overcome the physical limitations in place.

While many so-called "gods" may be well capable of this and more, the advice of many sensible guides may instead be "go light the fire." After all, the single most useful interaction we possess to alter the physical is not one of abstract mechanics and indirect manipulations, but a physical one with a simple solution. There are many potent forces in our universe, well beyond the scope of a planet, which contribute to and maintain the way things work. It is a very involved effort for any guide to help a witch bend these rules, not to mention break them entirely. When the witch could much more simply and easily accomplish the same task with physical labor, most spirits will not want to provide the necessary assistance. The same goes just as well for flying or teleportation as it does for fireballs.

Look forward to Part 2, where I provide definitions for "spirit" and "energy," and express my frustration with the common use of these terms in the mystic community.

#magic #etymology #linguistics #culture #history #terminology

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loveastrologerankitus-blog · 7 years ago

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The great art of crystal gazing

Theoretical - Assumptions of a causal instrument, impact, and credulity are inspected with respect to the prophetic introduce. The Hermetic saying, which is broadly acknowledged in soothsaying, proposes that symmetrical procedures numerically relate microcosmic and macrocosmic highlights and overshadow causal systems. The mysterious writing recommends that impacts ought to be translated as connections inside these cosmological symmetries between people as opposed to amongst planets and people. The writing further recommends that impacts ought to be assessed by slant or "distinction," which implies that relationships ought to be positioned or appraised by size to impartially isolate impacts from ancient rarities. This strategy has turned out to be effective in visionary research and ought to be all around receiver. In this light, classroom Forer-sort tests, which are attempted to help subjective approval contentions against crystal gazing, are examined Best Astrology in India. It is addressed how these tests, which are regularly made out of specifically gathered non-celestial ancient rarities found in horoscope segments, or so far as that is concerned, any of the main experimental examinations that have guaranteed to renounce crystal gazing can judiciously resist more target considers that have tried for distinction impacts. For quite a bit of its long history, crystal gazing has created as an innovation, through exact perception, reception of helpful methods, and the talk of thoughts. Like different advances, it is a teaching intended to address particular issues. Rehearsing stargazers today are more worried about offering quality administrations to the general population they help than they are with the scan for all-inclusive certainties, which has been the pushed of present-day science. Albeit numerous stargazers trust that there is unfamiliar science in what they do, most are fulfilled to build up the innovation without logical clarification (Nanninga, 1996). For them, crystal gazing functions admirably inside the points of confinement of its applications. For whatever length of time that the mysterious talk proceeds with, they trust crystal gazing Best famous services in Delhi NCR keeps on making strides. Notwithstanding, numerous researchers today are unwilling to acknowledge crystal gazing as an innovation. Probably the most vocal pundits have requested unambiguous shows that would clarify soothsaying as an all-inclusive science. Else, they demand that crystal gazing, paying little mind to its viable capacities, should basically not be right. Typically, specialists would attempt to figure out a new innovation to basic fundamentals so as to find how it should function and how it can be tried. However, there has been no deliberate push to do this with astrology.1 There are challenges in measuring the long haul cycles and complex issues that soothsaying handles. For instance, a Saturn cycle keeps going 29 years and a Neptune cycle is 165 years. Occasions that are measured in such long-haul cycles appear to be particularly inconsistent with logical estimations, which are ordinarily in cycles every second. However, in spite of these long haul cycles, crystal gazing relies upon exact planning and has an inclination for surprising occasions, both of which have made it difficult to test. These outrageous prerequisites carry with them the subject of hypothesis, Best Astrology in India which is whether logical techniques have the ability to incorporate prophetic statutes without going into regions of vulnerability where built up logical convictions would be addressed. As can be seen, by the weird irregularities in quantum mechanics, for instance, the reevaluation of existing logical convictions can be profoundly astounding. However, this is the very stuff of request whereupon science itself depends. In the event that we will be not kidding about a logical investigation into crystal gazing, at that point we ought to learn best on the off chance that we didn't attempt to see soothsaying just from the viewpoint of current logical traditions. We ought to rather simply unwind and enable ourselves to go wherever the mysterious preface takes us. In the event that this adventure takes an illogical turn, it doesn't refute our ability for sanity and our capacity to locate the best apparatuses of assessment. While on this adventure, we should suspend our doubt sufficiently long to equitably assess impacts from ancient rarities. We should then will to free ourselves of false suspicions that had introduced impediments to our already unexamined convictions. In any case, let us fundamentally analyze three suspicions with respect to the visionary commence. These are the presumptions of causal components, heavenly impacts, and credulity impacts. Causal systems A regularly rehashed contention is that science should dismiss crystal gazing in light of the fact that it doesn't present an unmistakable system, ideally as far as established gravity or electromagnetism, which would give circumstances and end results connection between the heavenly condition and the person. The issue with this contention is that causal models are not important to experimentally assess Beat famous services in Delhi NCR predictable examples of conduct. Soothsaying uses a model yet it isn't causal. It depends on sorts of common symmetries. Right off the bat, there are the symmetries of the solstices, equinoxes, skyline, meridian, and the stage positions between the planets. These are common symmetries that characterize unending scientific planes, which separate space. These planes shape the well-known visionary casings of reference that are utilized as a part of Western soothsaying known as the signs, houses, and planetary viewpoints. Notwithstanding these symmetries, there is another sort of symmetry that is likewise considered in crystal gazing to be natural.2 In standard material science today, the universe is respected to have no inside on the grounds that the theoretical Big Bang, which happened when there was no space or time, needed to have begun wherever at the same time, and space itself is extending. Along these lines, there is no understanding of asymmetry in light of a widespread focus. This is the present tradition, yet it isn't the main conceivable approach to respect the universe. One outcome of this tradition is that it adds to a constrained perspective of nature whereby impacts are comprehended to be just the consequence of causal components. In crystal gazing, there is an alternate tradition in which the individual is thought to be a point at the focal point of the universe. An individual might be a man or creature, a physical thing, for example, a building or deliver, or even a non-physical thing, for example, an occasion, though, or condition. There is the same number of universes as there are people. Best services in Delhi NCR relativistic view is the reason for making a natal diagram. It might appear to be nonsensical, however, it isn't informal and it has its own particular results. Mysterious impacts are comprehended to be symmetrical procedures fixated on these individual vast universes. To comprehend these symmetrical procedures, we have to consider the antiquated Hermetic proverb, which is acknowledged as a principle fundamental of crystal gazing. This saying states: "As above, so beneath; as underneath, so above." essentially, the internal universe of the life of an individual is symmetrically identified with the external universe of the heavenly condition. The two universes that are characterized by this symmetry, the internal and the external, are brought together by their mutual connections to the visionary edges of reference. These reference outlines, in addition Best famous Astrology in Delhi to this inward external symmetry, include a spacetime perspective that takes into account the assessment of exact perceptions and the proposition of falsifiable speculations, the same with respect to causal systems. These numerical structures are what give consistency to mysterious perceptions and they make examine conceivably. The idea of an inward external symmetry ought not to be excessively odd, making it impossible to the present deduction since it isn't one of a kind to soothsaying. A recognizable case of this symmetry can be found in a holographic picture that has been broken into little parts. The periphery design that shows up on every little part contains a picture of the total entirety. Concentrates in cerebrum versatility demonstrate that the mind is organized in a comparative form. Another case is simply the purported "comparability" found in fractal geometries, in which similar shapes, for example, Mandelbrot or Julia sets, are rehashed at various scales inside the fractal condition. Likewise, in quantum mechanics, the problem of nonlocal, apparently non-causal conduct of quantum trap could be translated Best services Astrology in Delhi as a kind of internal-external symmetry. The naturally visible eyewitness impact in the external world partners with synchronous impacts inside the minute internal universe of quantum conduct. In each of these cases, highlights saw in one place are symmetrical with highlights in different places, however, are not their causes. A class of practices that could bring together these recognizable cases has not developed into the worldview of ordinary science, despite the fact that in light of the Hermetic adage they thoughtfully recommend a sort of symmetry that may some way or another emerge from the common extension of the room. Given the dependence upon measurable reality and the disintegration of regular circumstances and end results inside the quantum perspective, these abnormal practices appear to propose a fundamental classification of related Best services Astrology in India normal procedures that may be portrayed as cosmological symmetry. Just expressed, the practices of microcosms go with the practices of their worlds and the other way around, but in various albeit reciprocal ways.

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