#Answered the question in a wordy way and have a lot of feelings about this

[downfallofi]

Forgive me, thought not complete, need more tags

[ishgard]

Presenting: An Absurdly, Stupidly Long and Wordy Warrior of Light-based Questionnaire, or as my bestie dubbed it:

30 WoL Think Thonkers

Less an ask prompt, more of a daily prompt, (though you can use it as an ask prompt if you prefer!) Answer the questions however you want: straight-forward, with stories or screens, or a mix of all.

Get any of your little brainworms out. Wax poetic, ramble off into several digressions, challenge yourself to answer in the least amount of words possible, whatever you're vibing with! (If you want to tag them #wolthinkthonkers feel free!)

This is very Warrior of Light and MSQ based. It's set from a Post-Endwalker mindframe, so there are some minor/vaguely worded spoilers.

----------------------- WARM-UP QUESTIONS

I. Where is your Warrior of Light from? What was their home like growing up and what set them out on their journey?

2. What city-state did your WoL start in? How did they feel about it then, and how do they feel about it now? (ie, did their experiences sour their perception, or make them appreciate it more?)

3. How do they feel about being Hydaelyn's chosen? (Feel free to break it down from ARR's "Champion of Eorzea" all the way to "The Savior of Etheirys" as much as you like. Have those feelings changed, or just grown more complex?)

4. What do they do in their down time? Do they have any hobbies outside of Primal-slaying and world-saving? Are these lifelong hobbies or recent interests?

5. How do they feel now that "it's all over" (the story of Hydaelyn and Zodiark)? What do they plan to do next? Or is their story finished - and if you're retiring them, what does retirement look like for them? Do you have someone else taking the stage going forward?

6. Who was their Azem? What were they like, and were they different from your WoL? Who were their family, friends? Or, if you don't care for the Azem angle or went in your own direction for their past self, how so? How does your WoL feel about their Ancient identity?

----------------------- CHANGES

7. Have they gone through any physical changes? What scars have they collected, and how do they feel about them? Did they sprout horns or other features as a result of spells or pacts gone wrong? How did light corruption impact them? Or have they walked away miraculously unscathed? Are they more peculiar for how eerily unmarred they are?

8. What is one of their biggest regrets? Has it had an effect on how they act moving forward, for better or worse?

9. The Warrior of Light has been through quite a lot, but what is a moment, big or small, that bolstered and renewed their spirit? Was it a cup of hot cocoa or a lovingly crafted sandwich? Did someone give them a few words or a gesture at just the right time that meant the world to them? (Of course, this can be a canon event or headcanon!)

10. What does home look like for them now? Do they still return to the home where they started, and if so has it changed at all? Or have they found or forged a new home? Who do they live with, if anyone? What sort of things do they keep in their personal space?

11. Despite everything, is it still you? Has the core of who they are as a person remained true through everything, or have they been changed by what they've experienced and learned, for better or worse?

13. Is there a canon moment you've drastically (or not-so-drastically) rewritten? A character death, or something that just really did not fit your WoL's character. Or just some alterations and personal touches you've added? Has that had any long-term changes on the wider story?

----------------------- STORY

12. Which canon moments shaped your Warrior of Light and impacted them the most?

14. Do you have any headcanons for what happened post-Ultima Thule? What kind of injuries did they suffer, or did they walk it off like a boss? Did they take a lengthy vacation, did you shove a time skip in there before 6.1 hit? Or was it quickly off to the next adventure?

15. What were their thoughts and feelings on the events of Myths of the Realm? How did they regard the Twelve prior, and how did the revelations impact them? Was meeting their patron particularly special to them, or not really?

16. What were their thoughts and feelings delving into Pandaemonium? How did they feel working alongside Themis and Lahabrea, after all their history? What did they think about how things ended?

17. Taking a step away from "canon", do you have any wholly unique side quests and adventures your Warrior of Light has gotten caught up in? Did they chase down ghosts of their own past, get married, open a bakery, or fix an ancient blood curse on their family line? Have they reunited with loved ones or buried old hatchets? If there's some unique story behind your character, how does it show up and how did it play out?

----------------------- COMBAT & ABILITIES

18. How do they feel about the work they do? As the Warrior of Light they're tasked with quite a lot of violence, is it something that comes naturally to them or do they resist it? Are they merciless, do they try to spare as many lives as they can, or do they fall somewhere in between?

19. While many fights are dramatic or have high stakes, are there any especially memorable or difficult fights they encountered? Outside scripted battles, were there conflicts that you thought felt better if they were tweaked for narrative or lore-based reasons, ie their first time fighting a primal? Or perhaps a more meta "You the player had a hard time so it translated into headcanon for them".

20. Are there any unique abilities that they possess outside of what's in-game? Are they actually a dragon, or do they see visions of the future? Or, is there a special way that their Echo manifests?

21. Jobs! What job is your character and why is that the route they chose? Is your WoL a Jack-of-all-Trades, or just have one (or a few) specialties? Did they start with one job and change to another? Have you 'homebrewed' their job at all, adding any unique twists or details to it?

----------------------- RELATIONSHIPS & THE WORLD

22. What are their feelings on the Scions? Who are some of their closest allies and dearest friends? Are they more of a loner, or closer to people outside the Scions? Have they kindled any romances or partnerships?

23. How do they feel about getting pulled into politics? Are they adept at navigating political intricacies, or does it go over their head? Do they appreciate getting asked to do more than punch their enemies, or would they really rather just punch their enemies? Are there any areas they like to be particularly involved in?

24. How do they feel about Hydaelyn? What was their perception of the Mothercrystal in the beginning, and how did that change by the end, if at all?

25. Do they have any particular enemies that stand out to them? Someone who inspired a lasting grudge? Our beloved and beloathed antagonists give us plenty of reasons to despise them, but are there any that particularly rubbed your WoL the wrong way? On the other hand, are there villains they can't help but sympathize with, even if it's at odds with the narrative or their allies?

26. What are their thoughts on the Ancients, their way of life, and the world they lived in? Did they sympathize at all with the Ascians, or did learning the truth not influence them in that way?

27. How well known are they? Does everyone know their name as the Warrior of Light, or have they managed to maintain some level of anonymity? Do they prefer it that way, and do they have any struggles resulting from it? (Getting stopped on street corners VS awkwardly avoiding questions.)

----------------------- WHAT'S NEXT

28. What's something they look forward to? Exploring the stars, more of a place we've already been, or somewhere we haven't? Or do they look forward to retirement, starting a business with their craft of choice, or any other little old thing?

29. How do they feel heading into Dawntrail? Excited? Exhausted? What do they think of the promises of adventure to come, and their role to play? If you're using a new character, do you have any idea how they'll end up on this path, and where is their headspace starting out?

30. What are they going to be doing while waiting for the ship to Tural?

[ko-existing]

You are the only person so far who seems to know what you’re talking and is well studied so I decided to sent this ask for you. It will have a little venting, but nothing too extreme or long also if you don’t mind I’d rather speak in a not non duality way because I wouldn’t know how to formulate my sentences without giving power to the physical world in a sense, and I’m not exactly looking for enlightenment in non dualism it’s just a question about this whole thing that has been going on on tumblr and other communities about manifestation and non dualism.

I’ve been on this journey of manifestation, law of assumption, non duality etc etc for a year now and the main thing that kept popping up in my head was “is this concept true?”

The concept that I’m talking about is: “we are the creators of our reality”

Honestly, this journey has brought me a lot of suffer because I’m a natural overthinker, skeptical, a tad pessimistic and extremely self judging. So I would often feel dumb and stupid for believing I could actually change my WHOLE life and manifest things that would be seem as actually absurd and impossible.

This experience of seeing so many times people saying “we are limitless” or “everything is malleable” “you can get anything you want” has dragged me into this rabbit whole of full peace of mind and hope and then being totally ripped apart by negativity, pessimism and skepticism.

I’m honestly tired and I really, really, really need to get out of it, so you are my hope of weather I should continue my journey to get a better life or finally have a closure on this whole world of manifestation, shifting realities etc

Is it really possible? I’m asking this with my whole heart and soul. It is possible to experience this reality shiftings, changes of physical appearance, revise past and all that?

I really need to put an end on my suffering and move on with my life and I rather know the final answer now instead of wasting my life on things that won’t happen and just end up more frustrated in the future.

Can we change our 3D world (I know you said there’s no separation, but as I said I can’t speak in a non duality way I’m sorry) or we just have to accept we can only control to a certain point?

Is it true that if I’m not meant to be rich no matter what I do, I won’t? That no matter how hard I try I could never “attract” a specific person? Is it true that the only thing I can do in this life is find peace by accepting that certain things are meant to be and never changed? Is accepting that I am not limitless like as all those bloggers, teachers, Neville Goddard claimed I am?

I’m sorry if this ask is heavy or if my words were harsh somehow. I don’t want to put a responsibility on your shoulder, I just really need to find peace and I need a final answer.

Thank you!

Here's the thing Anon: No one can help you but yourself. As harsh as it sounds, IT is what IT is, i'm not sugarcoating anything, it's a bit long and wordy so read carefully.

In tibet we have these sayings:

1. "You can offer a handful of grass to the cow, but you can't force it to graze."

2. "You can present the scriptures, but you can't enlighten the mind."

Even though i tag my stuff with "#nondualism" and a lot of people associate me with it, i don't follow any concept in particular. I only point you into the direction of "THAT". What you do with it, is your choice. You said you've been on a "journey" with lots of concepts like LoA, Manifestation, ND. Ask yourself, what exactly has been keeping you from actually turning within into silence instead of gathering one concept after another? Who decides that something is "impossible" and "absurd" like you said? I know you already told me that you'll talk in concepts but i still have to ask, are the limitations you have set for yourself REALLY fundamentally a thing? Do they exist if you aren't aware of such limitations?

Emptiness

NO concept is true, untrue or real. No words are true, untrue or real. I could tell you "no, Non Dualism or "AWARENESS" is not true. You can't change your life" but that's going to have a negative impact on you, wouldn't it? Why is that so? Those words don't prove anything to you. They are just words.

EVERY word is empty by nature, we give meaning to them. If i told you "བདག དངབ བསམ ངས་ཡང་ཡིན་གསལ" could you do anything with that sentence? No, because that sentence has no meaning to you.. you don't speak the language. Whatever I said, is meaningless to you. But if I translated it in english, you would be able to understand because you speak english and give it meaning (-> what was once meaningless and empty, now has an illusory meaning given by you). Got it?

What I'm trying to say is that it is important to understand that words have no meaning whatsoever BY NATURE and because they are meaningless BY NATURE, we can tell you whatever we want to, it is up to you alone what you're going to do with that. Does that make any sense to you? I hope i got my point across on how we give meanings to every empty word.

We do the same thing with different situations.

A stormy day can be the worst day ever for you but for someone else, it's the best thing ever.

If someone told me my content is trash, i do not care. If someone told 18 year old Koda her content is trash, i would've wasted a thought or two on that statement. If Dechen (my boyfriend, co-admin) read that we're spreading lies he would've written an essay telling that person to shut up & move along 2 years ago, but now he'd ignore it because he couldn't care any less. Now, everything is meaningless for everyone. I can decide if I want to be affected by those words, or not. If i told you "Everything's a lie" , what are you going to do then? Are you going to abandon everything just because I, someone you find "reliable", said so? If that's what you would do, why? What made you attach so much importance to a random "person"?

Is it true?

"Is it true that [...]"

"Is it true that [...]"

"Is it true that [...]"

Who are you asking? Me? Why? Do you want it to be true or untrue? Since all words are meaningless and empty by nature, is there a difference between the words "true and untrue" or is it the same "Emptiness"? You alone make your decisions. I can point you towards "IT" but 'you' are the one who's going to recognize "IT" or not. I have nothing to do with that descision.

Read whatever you want to. Practise whatever you want to or don't. At the end of the day, you alone give meaning to the meaningless. You can define emptiness but that doesn't change its Nature which is "emptiness", "nothingness" whatever-ness.

Definitions

"I'm an overthinker, skeptical and pessimistic."

What made you come to that conclusion? In order to answer that, i assume you have to think and list all moments in which you were overthinking, skeptical and pessimistic but are you able to answer that question without thinking? If you aren't thinking, WHAT or WHO are you? Are those thoughts you define yourself by, real in any way or are you just aware of different behaviors and define them as "overthinking, skepticism, pessimism" after thinking about it? Could you define yourself for me, without thinking? Try it.👀

Enlightenment?

You said you are not "looking for enlightenment" from ND , what exactly are you looking for then? Only a "person" can get enlightened, but there is no actual "person" here. What is, is. All concepts only POINT you to one direction -> "IT". Some, like advaita vedanta, are more direct than many limited & watered down versions of ND people now call "Law of Consciousness or Law of Assumption "with extra steps" on tumblr or twitter. In my humble and illusory opinion, it is nonsense but does it matter?👁️

The non-existent "I"

"Is it true that if I'm not meant to be rich no matter what I do, I won't? That no matter how hard I try I could never "attract" a specific person? Is it true that the only thing I can do in this life is find peace by accepting that certain things are meant to be and never changed? Is accepting that I am not limitless like as all those bloggers, teachers, Neville Goddard claimed I am?" -> define and show me the "i" you keep talking about. Do it without thinking. If you ponder on it long enough on a deep level, you will instantly answer your own Questions and the "i" you are talking about. Define and show me your doubts without thinking. There is no person to believe in anything, no person that is actually doubting, no person that is actually here.

「You can mold clay into a pot but that doesn't change the fact that it is clay and will always be clay」

[exorcqism]

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ ❛ THE BLOOD PAINTER — 画家 , CHOSO KAMO

·.⌇ 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓. art; it’s a beautiful thing…when you know what you’re doing...and when the cute artsy guy who’s now your class partner is smart. wc, 2.47K. dark mode recommended.

note. i love this story ya. i was thinking about it alll day. i’m glad ya like it too. hope ya enjoy :D reblog to support meeee and lmk if you wanna be tagged in the next part

tags. artist!choso, college AU, possible nsfw, female anatomy, smoking, etc. lmk if i missed anything

misc. masterlist AO3 PART ONE

your chest tightened once you heard the words ‘get with your partners’. you reacted never positively with that statement. you dreaded working with other students in your class. the art professor had everyone paired up with a random student, to which they’d let it be known that the two of you would be partners for the rest of the semester. you had been lucky enough to be tied down with the smartass of the class…choso kamo.

you had a confused expression on your face while you seen him in complete awe at the art pieces that flashed on the terribly detailed and wordy powerpoint. you were surprised you hadn’t slammed your head against the table trying not to fall asleep.

reluctantly pulling out the cute and compact pencil case you bought last minute from shein, you grab the simple navy blue mechanical pencil out that you had been given by choso. you were trying to give it back to him previously but he insisted that you kept it, assuming that you might need it later on down the road.

you didn’t expect any less from the smartest guy in your class when you saw him already halfway done with his assignment. maybe you were exaggerating at the moment because these were basic questions just to see if you were paying attention to the powerpoint—which you barely were.

“ah, sorry, i forgot we were working together.” choso’s deep voice echos through your brain as he speaks to you, stopping his quick paced writing to let you catch up. you noticed how shy he seemed, despite his pure confidence when answering questions. choso pushed his paper in your direction and looked away, giving you time to work.

as you write, giving the male a friendly smile so he didn’t feel intimidated by your bored expression because of how tired you were, you couldn’t help but notice how his silver rings gently tapped against the wooden table. the bandaids that decorated his slender fingers on the digits that didn’t have rings. the bandage over his nose along with one stuck to his cheek. the one that covered one specific part on his wrist.

what the hell did have have so many bandages for? was he that reckless of a person that he was always getting hurt…or was this all a fashion statement? you wouldn’t be shocked if it was just for fashion. a lot of people do that, so you couldn’t judge. you’d watch as he’d adjust the nose piercing in his nose and then guide his palm into his hair, lightly scratching his head.

“here,” you push his paper back in his direction and thank him for showing the answers. the two of you finally get on track and finish your work and turn your papers into the box that reads ‘homework’ in black sharpie.

since you and choso would be partners for the rest of the semester, it was a good opportunity to get to know him as time passed….and it was also because your professor suggested that you do so.

placing your elbow on the table and your chin in your palm, you’d face your attention over to the artsy boy, who now had a small sketchbook in his possession, lightly marking the paper with his pencil, only to finally add details slightly darker.

“um…so, choso, right?” you start. the tip of his pencil snaps as he flinched upon hearing his own name. the male turned to you as his thumb lightly punched the end of his pencil to replace the broken lead.

“yeah…that’s me.” he finally replies, his eyes averting another way. he seemed to have a hard time making eye contact with you. his expression was calm and stoic. something you never seen before. “did you need something?”

“well, you know we’re partners for the semester so…what’s your hobbies?” you were damn near dying of cringe at the moment. it wasn’t the fact that you were talking to this super smart and creative guy. it was because you hardly knew how to start conversations. mentally, you curse your inability to normally interact in public.

“um..well, i’m kind of an artist. i mean, i consider myself one. i like taking pictures on the polaroid i got for christmas one year…and uh—i read a lot.” choso explains. he seemed like the typical smart guy with creative qualities and a bit shy.

“oh, that’s cool. that explains why you’re in this class.” you say. you noticed that choso would give you a faint smile, something different from his stoic demeanor.

“mhm…well, what about you?” choso queries. you bite your lip. you knew the question would come soon but not that soon. you were thinking that he’d elaborate on how much he loved his hobbies, giving you time to think of what you were gonna say yourself.

you take a breath before finally introducing yourself properly. you quietly say your name, followed by your interests and some other unnecessary details that no one asked for but you were nervous. nothing wrong with that.

choso seemed pretty attentive when you were nervously rambling about whatever came to your head. giving his input on some of the things you mentioned also. you seen choso’s eyebrows raise up when you mentioned the concept of being interested in painting, though he didn’t say anything else about it.

it was time for photography class now and choso’s first project was coming up. that wasn’t an issue for him since this was something he was heavily interested in.

reading the instructions on the paper in his mind, the little voice in his head speaking for him, he saw that he had to make a scrapbook with brand new pictures that reveal something about him.

something like a self portrait but without the drawing and the excessive erasing whenever something turns out ugly.

“that sounds like a cool project. hey, take a pic of me right now,” yuji smiled, posing into the camera. but choso shook his head.

“i’ll come by this weekend and we’ll take some pictures. i want you to be clear and in front of the camera. not goofy and pixelated.” the male replied, making yuji laugh.

“i won’t be pixelated—maybe your wifi sucks.”

“i will admit, my internet does go in and out sometimes. it’s very frustrating…but i get around.” choso leaned his back against the pillow, his head gently resting against the wall behind the bed.

“how are the others? are they well?”

“eso and kechizu are outside,” yuji would back away from the camera to look out of the window, which gave him a view of the front yard and the surrounding houses.

“they’re playing with the frisbee.”

“i’m glad they’re doing fine. have you three eaten anything?”

yuji hummed, “i wanted to try cooking but i didn’t wanna burn the place down so we’re getting takeout at that buffet you took us to back in the summer.”

“don’t touch the stove unless i’m there. i really don’t want you hurting yourself or anyone else for that matter.”

as choso and yuji’s conversation prolonged, choso began working on some homework that he had from his english and math class. yellow tinted lights surrounded choso as he used a small remote and flick on his fairy lights and his attention was focused back onto the paper, his pencil scratching lightly against it while he used his binder for support.

the next day was an off day so choso decided that he’d take a walk to the cafeteria and get breakfast. holding his backpack firmly against his back, he’d walk into the large area. the male was being casual and chose to wear a grey sweatshirt and a pair of joggers with his hair tied back into a ponytail, leaving some of his hair hanging down in the back and in his face as usual.

sneakers lightly clicking against the tiled flooring of the cafeteria, choso would grab some plasticware and a plate and he’d pick out what he wanted to eat, which were two fluffy pancakes, eggs, and two sausages. he was slightly disappointed that there weren’t any bacon that day but there was always next time.

choso wasn’t really a coffee guy but it was that or be stuck with drinking tea or water—out of everything he preferred water but he was getting older and it was about time he’d try something new.

the male was in his own world, finishing some work that he fell asleep doing the night before and reluctantly sipping the coffee. he already knew his stomach would be gurgling the entire day because of it. or because of the fact that he hated the taste so bad that he was able to force his body to reject it.

soon enough, he saw a figure situate themselves beside him. pausing his music to see who had been sitting near him, his heart nearly bursted out of his chest when he found you. a lump in his throat formed when you gave a gentle smile and waved at him.

“hey, how come you’re sitting by yourself?” you ask him as you began to eat your breakfast. you had the same items on your plate but what was different was the fact that you had some chocolate milk with you. not the drinks that the school offered. it was making him wonder where you got the carton of milk from.

“ah, i just needed time to myself. i have so much stuff to catch up on. i have to schedule a train back home to visit my brothers this weekend and my photography class is starting a project so i have to start that. i also need to be preparing for my chemistry and algebra tests.” choso explained to you in a frenzied tone. you wanted to giggle at how quick he was speaking. not to insult him but you thought it was funny how panicked he sounded.

“shit, you already have tests? your teachers must be pretty serious about their work—or they just wanna get the topics out of the way.” you take a sip of your milk. choso nods, wrapping his index finger around one of the loose strands of his ink colored hair.

“you don’t? no fair.” choso chuckled. “well, you might’ve picked some easier classes than i had. you don’t strike me as a girl that enjoys the concept of extended education.”

the comment caught you off guard but he was right. you didn’t look like the typical college girl, nor did you look like you particularly enjoyed coming to class. you were just there because you were told to go. you were just happy to find something that made you happy.

“i didn’t wanna be here at first but i got used to it.” you’d take a bite of your sausage and quickly chew it before speaking again. “my parents were insistent on me coming to college. even after i said that i didn’t wanna go, they forced me anyway. back in high school i found myself signing up for FAFSAs and all that fun stuff.”

“oh, so you don’t actually pay out pocket to come here?” he queried. “that’s good, you won’t be in debt and you won’t have to pay anything back.”

“what about you?”

“no, i’m in the same situation as you. i’ve just become keen to people not making the best choices when it came to schooling.” choso replied as he’d close his laptop, finally finishing the study guide that he was given from his chemistry class.

he spoke so proper and sophisticated. talking to him made you think you were talking to a counselor. his voice was deep but smooth like butter. somehow, he made you feel safe even though you didn’t know him very well.

you noticed how simple his clothes were compared to when he came to class or when you saw him leaving school grounds to head back into the city for who knows what. he was always well kept. even in his lazy clothes.

the cologne he wore had a smell that you knew would stick in your mind and in the memory of your nostrils for a long while. if you ever smelled it somewhere else, it’ll instantly remind you of him.

when the two of you finished your breakfast, you were about to get up and throw your plate out when choso gently took it from your hands.

“i’ll take it,” he said softly, taking the plate and stacking it on top of his. your cheeks flushed a bit when you felt his large hand brush against yours.

his skin was soft as if he exfoliated himself everyday and it had a warm, comforting sense to it. when he walked away, you started to wish he stayed there and just held onto your hand for an extra moment.

the weekend came around and choso was making his was off of the train and heading back home. once he arrived, he was barraged with greetings and yuji throwing himself into choso’s chest.

“how’s your classes?” eso queries.

“it’s—hm…well i can’t say they’re boring because i love my classes. but some can be tedious or annoying. like math. the moment i get the hang of one topic, we’re already moving on to the next. then i’ll have something new to learn.” choso replied. “and you three?”

“me and megumi hung out.” yuji said excitedly. “and then gojo sensei took us to this movie. it was so cool but megumi didn’t like it. he said it was stupid.”

“your idea of “cool” is definitely interesting.” eso chimed in.

“was it another worm movie?” choso slipped his shoes off and gently placed them on the shoe rack. yuji twisted his lips upward.

“it was not….it was a bug movie. it was about this roach that wanted to be as big as a spider. and guess what? huge spoiler; the roach got big. and i mean huge.”

“very interesting, itadori.” choso chuckled, seeming a bit amused by yuji’s odd adventures. “i’m sure the movie was good—maybe. i don’t know. your choice of movies are actually weird.”

“my choices are not weird.” yuji pouted. “you watch probably romance movies all the time…um—not that that’s a bad thing. but you still probably do.”

“if you knew me, you’d know that i’m not interested in those. they’re kinda cheesy. i’ll settle for romcoms. other than that, i watch horror and mystery.”

“yeah, you’re totally an old man.”

“i’m only nineteen….”

ending notes. IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONGGGG i’ve made like six apologies about this but yk i just don’t want ya thinking i’m neglecting this story cuz i like this more than anything i’ve ever made. headcanons are next and MAYBE street racer choso because it just popped in my head this morning. excuse any mistakes if i’ve made any. i apologizeeee. remember, comments and reblogs are much appreciated and thank you for reading.

© EXORSIIAN | © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

[pfhwrittes]

Heeeeyyyyy p. I am an awkward soul with an awkward question, but how does ao3 work? I noticed a lot of writers are speaking of migrating there and doing things that I don’t quite understand LMAO. I tried looking into the website but honestly, it seems so daunting and I am a terrified chicken who would rather recede into the pits of hell than do something “wrong” on that website.

I dunno if you are the right person to request of this, but you are always so kind when answering questions so i figured who else is better than to scream into the void at?

Pls disregard if you aren’t interested in answering/don’t feel like it!

Have a great day/night/evening/tea time 😽

hi anon! don't feel bad for reaching out, one of my favourite things in the world is showing people how to do things (you know that chill coworker who goes "okay, so i do it like this..." when they show you things? that's who i want to be in the world). if my handy guide doesn't make sense to you, please please please feel free to come back and ask clarifying questions and i'll wrack my brain on how best to help you!

i'd be remiss if i didn't point you in the direction of AO3's guide on how to search and browse the archive first of all. it's a bit wordy so if that isn't to your liking i've made a little video below the cut on how to use ao3 on a laptop below the cut:

Warnings for potential flickering, scrolling motions and flashing.

[ID: A 3 minute video with no audio showing a basic guide on how to use AO3. /END ID]

so that's a pretty bare bones way of using ao3 as non-member!

step 1: search for the fandom you want to explore.

step 2: use the drop down menu to tailor your fanwork selection to something you might want to read by using the filters on the right hand side.

tags are the ingredient list of what you can expect to find in a fic, you can also search by using the tags if there's something in particular you've taken a fancy to (or you can use the "exclude" button to avoid seeing it - just like i excluded konig from my selections).

the rating system is used to filter out mature content, if you click on something rated M, E or Not Rated you should get a little warning at the top advising you that the work you're about to view may include adult content and you agree that you wish to see that content.

step 3: check the tags and summary to see what piques your interest (in my case i chose @boolger 's "a love letter to gaz" because i thought it was fitting).

step 4: click on your desired fic or fanwork and enjoy!

step 5: leave a kudos AND a comment (it doesn't have to be lengthy, it can be a little note to say "i loved this! thank you for writing it!) when you're done.

i recommend asking for an invite to join ao3 so you can see all the lovely archive locked fanworks (fanworks that are hidden from non-members) like mine! it doesn't take long to get an invitation and you can still browse the archive as a non-member in the meantime.

anyway, i hope this helped just a little bit for you anon.

[anotherhumaninthisworld]

Me again. Your (amazing) post on Camille and Robespierre got me thinking about the ins and outs of the Vieux Cordelier story. There are so many interesting details there , and moments where it could almost have gone a different way. I wondered what your assessment is of Camille’s mindset over this period? Obviously he must have been aware that he was taking a massive risk, but what was the ratio of kamikaze to (possibly deluded) belief he could actually change Robespierre’s mind and thus policy?

If the latter, I feel like that in itself is evidence that they were quite personally close, given “clemency” obviously not the way Robespierre was naturally leaning politically ?

Secondly, to what extent would you say Camille was attempting to back down in numbers 6 and 7, and could it have saved him if he had been willing to so that more fully, or was it just too late at that point?

Finally, somewhat separately, what do we actually know about Danton’s role in the indulgents campaign , and to what extent was Camille his “mouthpiece” ? It often gets phrased that way , but Danton actually comes across as marginal to the stand-off in the textual evidence from Vieux Cordelier itself and the debates in the jacobins around this time. Camille certainly seems to be the main one on the front line. What evidence do we have that Danton wanted him to go through with the riskier numbers of Vieux Cordelier?

Sorry, three to four very wordy questions there…and I’m aware you can’t answer them without a *lot* of guesswork . The whole tale is so fascinating.

In a letter to his father dated August 1 1793 (the last one conserved written by him as a free man) Camille expresses regret over a revolution that has not turned out the way he wanted it, as well as a wish to spend more time with his family:

Where is the asylum, the underground where I could hide from all eyes with my wife, my child and my books? I cannot help but constantly think about the fact that these men who are killed by the thousands have children, also have their fathers who accuse us of their grief, which it would have been so easy to spare them of. At least I have no reason to reproach myself for any of these wars which I have always opposed, nor for this multitude of evils, the fruit of ignorance and blind ambition sitting together at the helm. Farewell. I embrace you. Take care of your health, so that I can hold you against my chest if I am to survive this revolution; although there are times when I am tempted to cry out like Lord Falkland, and go and get myself killed in the Vendée or at the borders to free myself from the spectacle of so many evils and a revolution that to me does not seem to have brought common sense into the council of those who govern the republic and in which I see little else than ambition in place of ambition and greed in place of greed. It is true that freedom of the press is a great remedy whose benefit we owe to the revolution, and there is this advantage in the new regime over knaves, that we can have hanged, and over the ignorant and the intriguers, who we can deliver to ridicule. The state of things, such as it is, is incomparably better than four years ago, because there is hope of improving it, a hope which does not exist under the despotism of which the slaves are condemned like spem bon habent, but it is to the prize of so much bloodshed, that I feel such a sacrifice from the nation’s men should offer it a bigger happiness.

On December 14 1793, he also admitted that, on October 30, the day the Girondins were condemned to death, he had exclaimed: ”they die as republicans, but federalist republicans.” Camille’s accusers the same day did on the other hand declare that the correct quote had been ”they die as republicans, as Brutus,” and in his Les mysterès de la mère de Dieu dévoilès, released a few months after Camille’s death, Joachim Vilate described an even more dramatic reaction from his part:

This led to the account that I gave them of the particularities of the judgment of this case. I observed that I was sitting, with Camille Desmoulins, on the bench placed in front of the jury table. When these returned from deliberation, Camille comes forward to speak to Antonelle, who was one of the last to return. Surprised by the change in his face, he said to him, quite loudly: ”ah my god, I pity you, these are very terrible functions.” Then, hearing the juror's declaration, he suddenly threw himself into my arms, agitated, tormenting himself: ”ah my god, my god, it's me who kills them: my Brissot dévoilé [sic], ah my god, it’s that which kills them.” As the accused returned to hear their judgment, eyes turned towards them. The deepest silence reigned throughout the room, the public prosecutor announced the death penalty, the unfortunate Camille, defeated, losing the use of his senses, let out these words: ”I'm leaving, I'm leaving, I want to leave.” He couldn't exit. […] The late hour of the night, the torches were lit, the judges and the public were tired from a long session, it was midnight, everything gave this scene a dark, imposing and terrible character, nature was suffering in all its ailments. Camille Desmoulins felt worse.

In his 2018 biography, Hervé Leuwers also underlines how Camille throughout the fall of 1793 started to absence himself from both the Convention and the Jacobins, and when in rare instances did take to the floor it was with moderation in mind — on October 16 he and Philippeaux demanded some adjustment to a decree ordering the arrest of all foreigners belonging to countries currently at war with France at the Convention, and on November 26 he warned the Jacobins that "when a man is proscribed by public opinion, he is halfway to the guillotine." (Leuwers does however note a similar absence during the spring of the same year, AKA, the same period Camille was working on the fatal l’Histoire des Brissotins, so this is perhaps a weaker point). All these pieces could hint at the idea Camille’s mindset at the time was that of a a man who had grown disillusioned with the revolution and was willing to try to moderate it (and perhaps atone for some of the bloodshed he had himself contributed to causing?) 

The first number of Le Vieux Cordelier was released on December 5, just two days after a jacobin session where Danton had opposed the idea of sending a group with a guillotine to Seine-Inférieure in order to deal with rebels fleeing the Vendée — ”The Constitution must be asleep, while the people are busy striking their enemies and terrifying them with their revolutionary operations: this is my thought, which will undoubtedly not be slandered; but I ask that we distrust those who want to take the people beyond the limits of the revolution, and who propose ultra-revolutionary measures.” Coupé d’Oise protests against this, arguing that the club must not listen to ”proposals tending to diminish the vigor of the revolutionary movement.” As a consequence, Danton defends his patriotism and asks that a commission be set up to look over his conduct, after which Robespierre stands up as well to take his defence — ”In political matters, I observed him: a difference of opinion between him and me made me observe him carefully, sometimes with anger; and, if he was not always of my opinion, would I conclude that he betrayed his homeland? No, I have seen him always serve it with zeal. Danton wants us to judge him. He's right, let me be judged too. Let them come forward, these men who are more patriotic than us! I bet they are noble, privileged people!”, ending by asking that everyone says what he sincerely thinks about Danton. Aside from Merlin de Thionville, who hails Danton as the saviour of the republic, no one says anything, and Momoro therefore concludes this means no one has anything to accuse Danton of. The discussion therefore ends with the latter embracing the president of the club amidst loud applause. Camille references the session in the number, describing it as the event that caused him to return to the journalistic pen:

Victory is with us because, amid the ruins of so many colossal civic reputations, Robespierre’s in unassailed; because he lent a hand to his competitor in patriotism, our perpetual President of the “Old Cordeliers,” our Horatius Cocles, who alone held the bridge against Lafayette and his four thousand Parisians besieging Marat, who now seemed overwhelmed by the foreign party. Already having gained stronger ground during the illness and absence of Danton, this party, domineering insolent in society, in the midst of the most sensitive places, the most compelling justification, in the tribunes, jeering, and in the middle of the meeting, shaking its head and smiling with pity, as in the speech of a man condemned by every vote. We have won, however, because after the crushing speeches of Robespierre, in which it seems that talent grows in pace with the dangers of the Republic, and the profound impression he has left in souls, it was impossible to venture to raise a voice against Danton without giving, so to speak, a public quittance of guineas of Pitt. […] I learned some things yesterday. I saw how many enemies we have. Their multitude tears me from the Hotel des Invalides and returns me to combat. I must write. I have to leave behind the slow pen of the history of the Revolution I was tracing by the fire side in order to again take up the rapid and breathless pen of the journalist and follow, at full gallop, the revolutionary torrent. A consulting deputy who no one has consulted since June 3, I leave my office and armchair, where I had all the time in the world to follow in detail our enemies’ new system, an overview of which Robespierre laid out to you and which his occupations at the Committee of Public Safety have prevented him, like me, from seizing in its entirety. I feel again what I said a year ago, how wrong I was to put aside the journalistic pen and grant intrigue the time to adulterate the opinions of the departments and corrupt that immense sea by means of a mass of journals, like many rivers that ceaselessly bringing poisoned water. We no longer have any journals that tell the truth, or at least the whole truth. I return to the arena with all of my well-known honesty and courage.

To say something about Camille’s mindset based off of this first number, it can in other words be concluded that he by this point is on the side of both Danton and Robespierre, wanting to aid them in a fight against ”a foreign party,” that he doesn’t specify much about, but that, through the jacobin session that he claims inspired him so much, can be deciphed as ”ultra-revolutionaries.” Camille also, like in the letter to his father four months earlier, takes a stand in favor of freedom of the press — ”Let no one tell me that we are in a revolution and that the freedom of the press must be suspended during a revolution.”

In the second number of Vieux Cordelier, released five days later on December 10, Camille praises three speeches Robespierre has held in the meantime. Two of them were smaller interventions on December 5 and December 6 that were both about, and in favour of, liberty of cults. The third speech was the ”Response of the National Convention to the manifesto of the united kings against the republic,” read, in the name of the Committee of Public Safety, by Robespierre on December 5 as well. In it, he defended the French people, accused of ”rebellion, immorality and irreligion” by said united kings. Robespierre argued that it was in fact they themselves that were guilty of these vices and insisted on the French people’s wish for freedom of religion:

Your masters tell you that the French nation has proscribed all religions, that it has substituted the worship of a few men for that of the Divinity; they paint us in your eyes as an idolatrous or foolish people. They are lying: the French people and their representatives respect the freedom of all religions, and do not proscribe any of them.

Camille joins Robespierre’s side, openly taking a stand against those pushing for extreme dechristianization:

Finally, Robespierre, in his first speech which the Convention has decreed to dispatch to all of Europe, has lifted the veil. It suited his courage and his popularity to adroitly slip in, as he did, the great and salutary statement that Pitt had changed his batteries; that he undertook to do by exaggeration what he could not do by moderation, and that there are men, patriotically counter-revolutionary, who worked to form, like Roland, public spirit and push public opinion in the opposition direction - but to a different extreme, equally fatal to liberty.  Since then, in two speeches no less eloquent to the Jacobins, he has expressed himself with still greater vehemence against the intruders who, through perfidious and exclusive praises, flattered themselves by detaching him from all of his old comrades-in-arms and the sacred battalion of the Cordeliers, with whom he had so often defeated the royal army.  To the shame of priests, he defended the God that they abandoned so cowardly. By rendering justice to those who, like the priest Meslier, renounced their profession because of philosophy, he put in their place those hypocrites of religion, who, having become priests for the sake of rich meals, were not ashamed to publish their own ignominy, in accusing themselves of having for a long time been vile charlatans, and coming to tell us at the bar: ”Citizens, I lied for sixty years for the sake of my stomach.”

He nevertheless also underlines that he is against this not because he himself is religious, but because he sees it as a counterproductive method for fighting superstition:

Certainly I am not a sanctimonious hypocrite or a champion of priests. […] I have always thought that at least the clergy should be cut off from the body politic; but for that it was enough to abandon Catholicism to its decrepitude and to let it end with its beautiful death, which was soon approaching. It was enough to let reason and ridicule act on the understanding of peoples and, with Montaigne, to look at churches as houses of fools which had been allowed to subsist until reason had made enough progress, lest the madmen become angry.

For the first time ever the journal also denounces someone by name, in this instance Jean-Baptiste ”Anacharsis” Cloots and Pierre-Gaspard ”Anaxagoras” Chaumette, attacked for their push for dechristianization:

Anacharsis and Anaxagoras believe they are pushing the wheel of reason when in fact it is that of counter-revolution; and soon, instead of letting papism in France die of old age and starvation, ready to breathe its last breath without giving our enemies any advantage, since the treasure of the sacristies could not escape Cambon by persecution and intolerance against those who wish to liturgy and be liturgied, I urge to you to send a force of constitutional recruits to Lescure and Roche-Jacquelin.

This is also the number of Vieux Cordelier we know with almost certainty Robespierre had gotten to proofread before it got sent to the printer. On December 12, Robespierre also continued the attack Camille had started two days earlier as he got Cloots expelled from the Jacobins when the latter passed through its scrutiny test — ”Cloots, you spend your life with our enemies, with the agents and spies of foreign powers; like them, you are a traitor who must be watched.” When, two days later, the turn had come to Camille to go through the very same examination, Robespierre also helped him pass it and encouraged him to keep writing his journal — ”[Camille’s] energetic and easy pen can still serve [the revolution] usefully, but, more circumspect in the choice of his friends, he must break all pacts with impiety, that is to say, with the aristocracy; under these conditions, I request the admission of Camille Desmoulins.” With all this added together, I would say number 2 of the Vieux Cordelier is the biggest example of ”journalism on the terms of the governance” there is throughout Camille’s entire career.

In number 3, released December 18, Camille begins by bringing the reader back to the Roman Empire, in particular, the reigns of Augustus, Tiberius, Caligula and Nero, a time during which, according to the historian Tacitus, there existed ”a law which specified crimes of the state and lèse-majesté and imposed upon them capital punishment. […] As soon as remarks became crimes of the State, it was only a small step to transform into crimes simple glances, sadness, compassion, sighs, even silence.” Camille then goes on to describe how, under this law, people could be rendered ”suspect” for just about anything — from being rich to being poor, from being melancoly to being happy, from being introverted to being extroverted, from being a poet to being a military man, from holding a high post to resigning from said post. Even positive attributes, such as being virtuous, incorruptible or an ally of Augustus could result in being rendered guilty of ”counter-revolution,” resulting in a visit from the doctor who then got ”to choose, within twenty-four hours, the sort of death they liked best.”

But, and this is something both contemporaries and modern historians often have missed, Camille then makes sure to underline this lengthty description of a tyrannical reign is not at all meant as an allusion to France’s current state — ”let no one say, for instance, that in this third number and in my translation of Tacitus malignity will find similarities between those deplorable times and our own. I know this well, and it is to put an end to these rapprochements, it is so that liberty does not resemble despotism, that I have armed myself with my pen” — but to France under the ancien régime: ”Do not let the royalists tell me that this description tells us nothing, and that the reign of Louis XVI did not resemble that of the Caesars.” As examples, he cites the massacre of the Champ-de-Mars, the Nancy affair, the war in the Vendée, the ”horrors” committed in France by the English and Austrian armies. In this ”fight to the death between the Republic and the monarchy” Camille defends the revolutionary government and its institutions, objecting against British prime minister William Pitt who ”has made every effort to give our liberty the attitude of tyranny and thus turn against us the reason and humanity of the eighteenth century.” The revolutionary tribunal, he argues, has not sentenced any innocent people to death:

Despite so many guineas, can one cite to me, asked Danton, a single man, strongly pronounced in the Revolution and in favor of the Republic, who has been condemned to death by the revolutionary tribunal? The revolutionary tribunal, of Paris at least, when it saw false witnesses slipping into its bosom and putting the innocent in danger hastened to subject them to the penalty of retribution. It is true that it has condemned persons for words and writings. But, to begin with, can one regard as mere words the cry of Vive le Roi, that provocative cry of sedition that even the ancient law of the Roman republic that I have quoted would have punished with death? Second, it is in the melee of a revolution that the tribunal has to judge political crimes; and even those who believe that it is not exempt from errors owe it this justice, that in matters of writing it is more attached to the intention than to the corpus delicti; and when it was not convinced that the intention was counter-revolutionary, it has never failed to set free not only one who had spoken words or published writings, but even one who had emigrated.

The Committee of Public Safety in its turn excused for its more drastic measures, such as the suspension of the Constitution, on the grounds that the times demand it:

The Committee of Public Safety believed that to establish the Republic it needed for a time the jurisprudence of despots. It thought, with Machiavelli, that in cases of political conscience the greater good erased the lesser evil; it therefore veiled liberty’s statue for some time. But will this transparent veil of gauze be confused with the thick vellum of the Cloots, the Coupes, the Montauts, that funerary pall under which it is impossible recognize the principles in their casket? Will we confuse the Constitution, daughter of the Montagne, with the superfluities of Pitt; the errors of patriotism with the crimes of the foreign party; the public prosecutor's indictments on certificates of citizenship, on the closing of churches, and the definition of “suspect persons,” with the protective decrees of the Convention, which have maintained freedom of worship and principles?

Before putting forward that the biggest threat of them all is ”what Marat would have called the conspiracy of dopes: I speak of those men who, with the best intentions in the world, are strangers to all political ideas, and, if I may express myself thus, are scoundrels of stupidity and pride, and, because they belong to such and such a committee or they occupy this or that eminent place, hardly suffer that one speaks to them,” Camille also argued that, in the state of things, both moderation and exaggeration had to be avoided, but, if forced to choose, the latter would be the better alternative:

Those who judge the founders of the Republic so harshly do not put themselves in their place. See between what precipices we walk. On one side is the exaggeration of the moustaches, which does not care if, through its ultra-revolutionary measures, we should become the horror and the laughingstock of Europe; on the other side is moderation in mourning, which, seeing the old Cordeliers rowing towards common sense and trying to avoid the current of exaggeration, yesterday with an army of women laid siege to the Committee of General Security, and, taking me by the collar as I happened upon them by chance, claimed that, during the day, the Convention would open all the prisons, letting us loose under our feet – along with a certain number, it is true, of good citizens – a multitude of counter-revolutionaries, enraged by their detention. […]  In this dual between liberty and servitude, and in the cruel alternative of a defeat a thousand times bloodier than our victory, “exaggerating the Revolution had less peril and greater value than falling short,” as Danton said, and the most critical necessity has been that the Republic secure victory on the battlefield.

Camille also once again makes a case for unlimited liberty of the press:

I hope the freedom of the press will be reborn in entirety. The best minds of the Convention were strangely deceived on the pretended danger of such freedom. It is intended that terror be the order of the day, that is to say the terror of bad citizens: so there we apply the freedom of the press, as it is the terror of scoundrels and counter-revolutionaries. […] I will die of the opinion that, to make France republican, happy, and flourishing, a little ink and a single guillotine would have sufficed. […] As long as unlimited freedom of the press has existed, it has been easy for us to foresee everything, to prevent everything. Freedom, truth, common sense have defeated slavery, stupidity, and lies, wherever they have found them.

As for people brought up by Camille in the number, Philippeaux is praised for his most recent publication Philippeaux, représentant du peuple, au Comité de salut public, released two weeks earlier, in which he critiques the war in the Vendée, claiming all the good generals have been dismissed while the ”traitor” Beysser, the ”imbecile” Rossignol and ”intriguer,” ”thief” and ”liar” Ronsin are encouraged and showered with honors. Unlike Desmoulins, Philippeaux also critiqued the revolutionary government, even reproaching CPS member Barère for having countermanded his request to put together a commission to investigate the situation a few weeks earlier. This pamphlet, Camille writes, is a ”truly salvatory writing” filled with ”dreadful truths,” even if one also can reproach the author ”for having misunderstood the great services of the Committee of Public Safety.” Minister of war George Bouchotte and Secretary General of the war ministry François-Nicolas Vincent are on the other hand denounced, Vincent getting called ”the Pitt of George Bouchotte,” and Camille writes that men like them should ”hasten to correct their conduct, [those] who, on reading these vivid depictions of tyranny, find in them some unfortunate resemblance to themselves.” Early in the number he also mentions Hébert, but not in the negative terms one might expect. Camille instead writes ”This, that the reign of Astraea may return, is why I take up my pen again; I wish to help Le Père Duchesne enlighten my fellow citizens and spread the seeds of public happiness.”

So taken that Camille is being sincere here, his mindset is still that of someone willing to support and defend the Committee of Public Safety, albeit while very moderately warning of people who wish to go even further.

Following the publication of number 3, Camille did however end up under open attack, the first time on December 21, when the printer Léopold Nicolas told the jacobins that ”I accuse him of having made a libel with criminal and counter-revolutionary intentions. I appeal to those who have read it. Camille Desmoulins has for a long time been on the verge of the guillotine.” Nicolas then also denounced Desmoulins for having come to the Surveillance committee of Paris where he worked to demand the release of one Vaillant, held suspect for his ties to aristocrats and hiding counterrevolutionaries, going so far as to threatening with denouncing the committee to the Committee of General Security if Vaillant was not set free. On these grounds, Nicolas asked that Camille be expelled from the club. Later the same session Hébert too took to the floor and denounced both Camille, his few months old Lettre de Camille Desmoulins, député de Paris à la Convention, au général Dillon en prison aux Madelonettes as well as number 3 of the Vieux Cordelier: 

Ever since [Desmoulins] married a rich woman, he only lives with arisocrats, of which he is often the protector. He has written in favor of Dillon, whom he compared to Turenne, and he did not hold it against him that the Convention entrust him with command of all the armies of the Republic. Camille Desmoulins has picked up his pen again, and in a journal he occupies himself with ridiculing the patriots. In his third number, he has the infamy to say that Georges Bouchotte is governed by Pitt-Vincent: Bouchotte, who has never breathed except for the happiness of his fellow citizens, Bouchotte, to whom we cannot reproach for the slightest fault, Bouchotte, to whom we owe the appointment of the sans-culottes generals who will finally deliver us from the rebels of Vendée, seeing himself compared to an imbecile, to King George!

Hébert also denounced Philippeaux for his pamphlet and Fabre d’Églantine for being ”the kingpin of all these complots” (it was Fabre who on December 17 had obtained the arrest of the Vincent Camille denounced in number 2, along with Maillard and Ronsin, two other ”hébertist”) asking that the three plus Bourdon d’Oise be expelled from the club. The club ended up declaring that they be invited to explain themselves for the next session. 

The second attack took place on December 23 and was launched by the recently returned from Lyon Collot d’Herbois, who seems to have read Camille’s allusion to the terror under the Roman emperors as a critique of the Committee of Public Safety: ”What! people attack the Committee of Public Safety with libels! It is accused of having shed the blood of patriots! It gets blamed for the death of fifty thousand men! And you believe that the authors of these writings did them in good faith? Do you believe that men who translate ancient historians for you, who go back five hundred years to give you a picture of the times in which you live, are patriotic? No, the man who is forced to go back so far will never be at the level of the Revolution.” Right after him, an unknown citizen declared that ”the system of moderation one wants to establish will lead to disastrous results,” and regretted the fact Camille — ”this man who dated to say that he had felt pity over the fate of the girondins” — had passed the jacobins’ scrutiny test a week earlier. He ended by proposing ”that we demand the judgment of any man who is moved by the fate of the conspirators.”

Camille had no time to respond to these three attacks before number 4 of the Vieux Cordelier was released on December 24. He starts by regretting the fact that ”some people have disapproved of my third number, where, they allege, I have been pleased to make comparisons which tend to throw the Republic and patriots into disfavour; they should, however, say the excesses of the Revolution and the patriots of industry,” as well as the idea that ”the present state is not that of liberty; but that of patience, you will be free later.” Camille disagrees with this, arguing that liberty isn’t something that needs to mature, but something concreate that you either have or do not have. He then rather quickly puts forth this radical proposal:

Open the prisons of those two hundred thousand citizens whom you call “suspects,” for in the Declaration of Rights there was no prison for suspected persons, but only for felons. Suspicion has no prison, it has the public prosecutor; there are no suspected persons but those who are accused of crime by the law. Do not believe that this measure would be fatal to the Republic; it would be the most revolutionary step you have ever taken. […] I am of a very different opinion from those who claim that it is necessary to leave terror as the order of the day. I am confident, on the contrary, that liberty will be assured and Europe conquered as soon as you have a Committee of Clemency. This committee will complete the Revolution, for clemency is itself a revolutionary measure, the most effective of all when it is wisely dealt out. Let imbeciles and rascals call me moderate, if they want to. I am certainly not ashamed to be no more of an enragé than M. Brutus; yet this is what Brutus wrote: You would do better, my dear Cicero, to put more effort into cutting short the civil wars than in losing your temper and pursuing your personal resentments against the vanquished. […] the establishment of a Committee of Clemency seems to me a grand idea and worthy of the French people, erasing from its memory many faults, since it has erased the very time they were committed and created a new era from which it alone dates its birth and memories. At this expression of a Committee of Clemency, what patriot does not feel his heart moved? For patriotism consists in the plentitude of every virtue, and therefore cannot exist where there is neither humanity nor philanthropy but a soul parched and dried by selfishness.

While Desmoulins is quick to point out that he is by no means asking for a general amnesty — ”To the back of the line with the motion of amnesty! A blind and general indulgence would be counter-revolutionary, or at least it would present the greatest danger and be obviously impolitic” — it can nevertheless be asked how he could suddenly produce such a drastic call for clemency in a journal that up until this point has been quite meek when it comes to questioning the current state of things. To understand this, it is important to note an event that took place four days before the number was released. On December 20, Robespierre had laid out the idea of so called ”committees of justice” to the Convention, after a group of women had arrived there to beg for clemency for their imprisoned relatives. While it should be noted that he did this with much less enthusiasm compared to Camille, making sure to state that the majority of prisoners were indeed locked up for a reason and throwing suspicion on the forceful attitude of the women, underlining that ”virtuous and republican wives […] address themselves in particular and with modesty to those who are responsible for the interests of the homeland,” the decree he then went on to propose sounds a bit too coherent to just have been pulled out of thin air due to the pressure:

The National Convention decrees, 1. that the Committees of Public Safety and General Security will appoint commissioners to seek means of releasing patriots who could have been incarcerated; 2. the commissioners will bring, in the exercise of their functions, the necessary severity so as not to hinder the energy of the revolutionary measures ordered by the salvation of the homeland; 3. the names of these commissioners will remain unknown to the public to avoid the dangers of solicitations; 4. they will not be able to release anyone on their own authority: they will only propose the results of their research to the two Committees, which will decide definitively on the release of people who appear to them to have been unjustly arrested...

Camille mentions this proposal in number 4, arguing that it’s possible to go further: ”Already you (Robespierre) have closely approached this idea, in the measure you caused to be decreed yesterday in the meeting of the week of 30 Frimaire. It is true that it was rather a Committee of Justice which was proposed. But why should clemency be a crime in the Republic?” That Camille had been influenced by Robespierre’s justice committee also goes along well with what he had to say about the committees of clemency during his trial:

The president: And these committees of clemency that you asked for, what was your motive for showing that much humanity? Desmoulins: I did nothing more than what the warmest patriots had already showed me the example of. I asked for three windows for the incarcerated patriots, and others before me had asked for six. In regards to Dillon, of whom I am accused of having been the defender, I answer that I asked for nothing other than to judge him promptly. I said: judge him; if he is guilty, then punish him; but if he is innocent, hasten to restore his rights as a citizen.

With the committees of justice in mind, I don’t think you can use Camille appealing to Robespierre in particular when talking about a clemency committee as evidence of their strong bond. That said, the fact alone that Camille openly implored Robespierre in person when laying out his proposal I think still proves a certain closeness between the two, considering these words would not have come off as particularly genuine had the two only been superficial acquaintances:

O! my dear Robespierre! It is to you I address these words, for I have seen the moment when Pitt had only you to conquer, where without you the ship Argo would have perished, the Republic would have entered into chaos, and the society of Jacobins and the Mountain would have become a tower of Babel. O my old college comrade! You whose eloquent words posterity will reread! Remember the lessons of history and philosophy: that love is stronger, more enduring than fear; that admiration and religion were born of generosity; that acts of clemency are the ladder of myth, as was said by Tertullian, by which members of the Committee of Public Safety are raised to the skies, and that men never climb thither on stairs of blood.

Like number 3, number 4 earned Camille open attacks from other prominent revolutionaries on two seperate occasions. The first took place on December 26, two days after the release. Barère then denounced Desmoulins (without mentioning him by name) when he, in a report held in the name of the CPS, warned of ”periodical writers who […] revive the counter-revolutionaries, and warm the ashes of the aristocracy.” Like Collot earlier, Barère had him too read the part about tyrannical reigns under Roman emperors in number 3 as a critique of the revolutionary government, underlining that it is actually correct to label both priest, noble, banker, stranger etc, etc as ”suspect.” Barère did however wish to absolve Desmoulins somewhat, adding that he was doing what he was doing ”unknowingly and perhaps unintentionally.” Later in the same report Barère also followed up Robespierre’s proposal of a committee of justice with suggesting even bigger measures, both Robespierre and Billaud-Varennes objected to it, and proposed they stick to the original proposal. Then on December 31, right after an anonymous jacobin had demanded ”journalist Camille Desmoulins” be struck from the jacobins’ list of members, Hébert cried out that ”all the things that can be used against Brissot aren’t even close to what you can reproach Camille for” and repeated his wish that ”Bourdon de l’Oise, Fabre d’Eglantine and Camille Desmoulins must be chased out from this society.” Hébert also attacked Desmoulins for his call for clemency in number 328 of his journal Père Dushesne, accusing him of being in the pay of Pitt.

Number 5 of the Vieux Cordelier, the longest of them all, released on January 5 1794 and entitled Camille Desmoulins’ great speech in defense to the Jacobins, Desmoulins spent almost only on responding to the different attacks made against him over the past two weeks. He begins by once again underlining that ”the ship of the republic drifts between two reefs, moderation and extremism,”and reminding the reader of what he wrote in number 3 —  ”I have said, with Danton, that to exaggerate the revolution had fewer dangers and was better than to fall short; on the course set by the ship of state it was more often necessary to come close to the rocks of extremism than the sandbank of moderation.” However, with the recent attacks from, as he calls them, ”ungrateful sons,” for the first time, Camille openly states he wants to fight extremism:

But see how Père Duchesne and nearly all the patriot sentinels stand on the deck with their telescope only concerned with crying: Watch out! You are touching moderation! It has been necessary for me, old Cordelier and senior Jacobin, to take charge of the difficult duty which none of the younger people wanted, fearing loss of popularity, that of crying: Beware! You are going to touch extremism! And there is the duty which my colleagues in Convention gave me, that of sacrificing my own popularity to save the ship in which my cargo was no stronger than theirs.

Desmoulins first takes on Nicolas, defending his defence of his cousin Vaillant who, he claims, was denounced only for having giving dinner to a citizen and letting him pass the night at his house. He points out that Andre Dumont, the man who granted the requests that Vaillant be set free ”is not yet suspected of moderatism.” […] ”If I come close to the guillotine for having requested my relative’s freedom for such a minor peccadillo, what will you do to Andre Dumont, who granted the request? Is it fitting that a member of the Revolutionary Tribunal should be so lightly sent to the guillotine?” He also accuses Nicolas of in the recent month having obtained more than 150 000 francs by the revolutionary tribunal for his printing, ”while I, whom he accuses have not increased my savings by a denier,” as well as of having become corrupted by ”having the power of life and death in his own hands” after having been elected juror on the Revolutionary Tribunal.

Turning to Collot d’Herbois, Camille brings up the fact he has already turned out to be in the wrong in several instances before, and that he could prove him so once more — ”if I wanted to retaliate against Collot I would only have to let my pen fly, armed with facts more powerful than his denunciation.” He does however choose to ”bury my resentment of Collot’s attack,” confining himself to warning his ”colleague” to not be misled by the flatteries of Hébert (who in Père Duchesne had been very positive towards Collot and his activities in Lyon). Camille cites ”the interests of the homeland” as the official reason for why he’s going easy on Collot, reminding the reader of the things he has done for the revolution, but it might be suspected the risk of outright attacking a member of the Committee of Public Safety it too has played a considerable role here…

Camille goes harder on Barère, accusing him of having ”darkened my ideas,” by telling the Convention that he doesn’t recognize that there exists suspect people. ”If Barère had quoted me, if at least he had said that I shared his opinion, even the most suspicious republicans would have seen that I too wanted houses of suspicion, and that I only differed in opinion on the reporting of suspects.” He also reminds Barère of some things he himself can be reproached for:

Had it been an old Cordelier like myself, a straight-lined patriot, Billaud-Varennes for example, who had punished me so harshly, I would have said: It is the blow of the fiery Saint Paul to the good Saint Peter who had sinned! But you, my dear Barère! You, happy guardian of Paméla! You, the presidents of the Feuillants! You who proposed the committee of 12, you who, on June 2, put into deliberation in the Committee of Public Safety whether Danton should be arrested! you, of whom I could point out many other faults, […] it’s you who accuses me of moderation!

He nevertheless writes that he is ready to forget this as well — ”I also do you justice, Barère; I love your talent, your services, and I also proclaim your patriotism” — and claims the recent controversies with the two CPS members is simply ”a domestic quarrel with my friends the patriots Collot and Barère.”

The biggest amount of time is spent dealing with Hébert, and here there are on the other hand no kind words spared, instead Camille warns him that he’s going to ”unmask you like I unmasked Brissot.” He reproaches Hébert both for speaking ill of Barras, Fréron and La Poype, all currently on mission in Toulon, praising the by now imprisoned general Carteaux, as well as for the coarse language used by him in Père Duchesne, and accuses him of writing for the aristocrats and persecuring Marat in 1790 and 1791, of having been fired from his job at the theater for theft, and even of having opposed the Insurrection of August 10. He turns Hébert’s claim that he would be in Pitt’s pay back against him, no, it is Hébert himself who ”has been made Brissot’s successor by the agents of Pitt.” He is also ”a scoundrel degrading the French people and the Convention,” and a ”politician without opinions and the most foolish of the patriots if he is not the most cunning of the aristocrats.” To return Hébert’s charge about keeping company with aristocrats, Camille writes that ”the cockroach’s” own social circle includes one femme Rochechouart, ”an agent of the émigrés,” as well as the Dutch banker Kocke — ”an intimate of Dumouriez.” To return his charge about having married a rich woman, Camille writes he only obtained 4000 livres de rentes from her (which btw is a massive understatement), and ends the number by opposing this with an extract from the National Treasury detailing the sums received by Hébert since the summer — 135 000 livres on June 2, 10 000 livres in August and 60 000 livres in October.

Camille also firmly defends himself against those doubting his patriotism and even calling him a conspirator — ”It is true citizens; for five years I have conspired to make republican France happy and flourishing.” He reminds the reader of the fact he wrote verses ridiculing the monarchy already before the revolution. After giving a detailed description of his Great Table Standing Moment of July 12 1789, Camille writes he defies anyone to find a single phrase in the writings he has since produced ”where I depart from republican principles, or deviate from a single line of The Declaration of Rights.” He furthermore adds that no one will be able to ”cite a single conspirator whose mask I did not rip away well before he fell. I have always been six or even eighteen months ahead of public opinion,” something which becomes even more impressive given the fact most of these men had been his personal friends. He ends by imploring the reader ”to recognise your old friends and ask your new ones who accuse me if they find a single one amongst them who could merit such a right to your confidence.” 

Camille also once again both defends and takes cover behind Robespierre by tying the two together as much as possible. He underlines that the dangers of touching extremism ”have already been recognized by Robespierre and even Billaud-Varennes.” When defending his works over the past five years he writes that he has never stopped conspiring against the tyrants ”with Danton and Robespierre.” He points out that, if it is a crime to have defended Dillon like he has, ”there is no reason why Robespierre is not a criminal too, for having defended Camille Desmoulins who defended Dillon.” When responding to Nicolas, Desmoulins underlines that the latter is still a good patriot, given his status as friend, companion and bodyguard of Robespierre. But he also asks why then Nicolas has chosen to listen more to ”what is said [about me] in certain bureaus” rather than the defence given of him on December 14 by Robespierre, ”who has followed me almost since childhood. […] Tell me of anyone who could make a better recommendation?”

The very same day the number was released, Collot d’Herbois went to the Jacobins to speak about the recent writings of Philippeaux and Desmoulins. Similar to the way Camille wrote about Collot in the most recent number, Collot regrets the Vieux Cordelier, saying it has ”lent weapons to the aristocrats,” but seperates the author from his works, reminding the Jacobins of all his past great services to the revolution. He opposes Hébert’s recent demands of expelling Desmoulins from the Jacobins, contenting himself with asking that the numbers be censored, and even appears to give in to his appeals for a committee to look over the suspects — ”I wrap up by demanding that Philippeaux be expelled from the Jacobins, the numbers of Camille Desmoulins censored, and that the Committee of General Security report as quickly as possible on incarcerated patriots.” When the president reads aloud a letter from Desmoulins announcing the release of number 5 of the Vieux Cordelier, Collot quickly responds that he’s not there to talk about it. A bit later into the session, Hébert does however disagree, exclaiming: ”I have been accused, in a libel that was released today, of being a daring brigand, a despoiler of the public fortune.” Camille responds that he has in his hand the extracts from the National Treasury published at the the end of the number, proving this charge true. But just as Hébert is about to counterattack, Augustin Robespierre interrupts, regretting the quarrels infecting the club that were not there when he left on a mission five months earlier, asking that Hébert respond to Camille in his journal instead of here. His brother does however disagree, declaring that Camille interrupted the session as much as Hébert ”claiming to have proof, when maybe that’s not the case.” He then invites the club to ”leave the intrigues and focus only on the interests of the homeland.”

At the next session, held January 7, Camille invited those that held anything against him to search in the numbers of his journal the answers to all their denounciations. When an unspecified person asked that he explain himself regarding the praise he had given Philippeaux in number 3, Camille responded that he had been mistaken and no longer believed what the latter — ”the most insolent of liars” — had written in the pamphlet. Immediately after this, Robespierre attacks Desmoulins, calling his writings ”the pain of patriots and the joy of aristocrats.” Robespierre mainly reproaches Camille for his number 3, asking, like Collot and Barère before him, if its ”translation of Tacitus isn’t in fact piquant satyrs of the present government and of the Convention,” and mocking the praise given to Philippeaux in it — ”What is the charm that excited him about this man? What is this blind confidence which may have induced Desmoulins to make a pernicious alliance of his newspaper with the libels of Philippeaux against the revolutionary government and against the patriots?” He also breifly condemns number 5 for the ”indecent diatribes lavished on several members of the Convention,” before, again like Barère and Collot, seperating author from work and asking that the numbers of the Vieux Cordelier ”just” be burned in the middle of the room. When Desmoulins refuses this ultimatum, Robespierre asks that the numbers be answered instead, and the club reads aloud number 4 and schedules for number 3 and 5 the next session, where Camille will also justify himself. But he is not confirmed to have shown up at the club for the occasion, or ever again at all following this moment.

The short number 6 of the Vieux Cordelier is not released until three weeks later, January 30. Desmoulins opens with the following citation: ”Camille-Desmoulins has indulged in a riot of wit with the aristocrats, but he is still a good republican, and it is impossible for him to be anything else” words he describes as an ”attestation of Collot d'Herbois and Robespierre, session of the Jacobins.” A clear indication Camille is trying to get on the Committee of Public Safety’s good side again, or at least remind its members of what they’ve thought about him in the very recent past. Camille then declares that he now wants to publish his ”political profession of faith,” in order to once and for all shut the mouths of all his caluminators. He reminds the reader that he’s always the same patriot and that the Vieux Cordelier breaths the same ideas as all his previous works:

We see that what one today calls moderantism in my journal, is my old system of utopia. We see that all my fault is to have remained at my death of July 12, 1789, and not to have grown an inch any more than Adam; all my fault is in having preserved the old errors of La France Libre, of La Lanterne, of Révolutions de France et de Brabant, of La Tribune des Patriotes, and of not being able to renounce the charms of my Republic of Cocagne.

Throughout the number he quotes passages from his earlier works, starting with a citation found in his La France Libre, released in July 1789 — “popular government and democracy is the only constitution that suits France and all those who are not unworthy of the name of man.” Four and a half years later, Camille writes, he still believes the same thing to be the case. He adds that he thinks two people can be divided in regards to which measures are the best for saving the republic, like Brutus and Cicero, or more recently like him and Marat. But while safeguarding this right to opinion, he appears to take a step back from his fervent defence of liberty of the press that, as can be seen, has been a theme of his convictions since the August letter to his father:

I believe that a representative is no more infallible than inviolable. Even if the salvation of the people should, in a moment of revolution, restrict freedom of the press to citizens, I believe that we can never take away from a deputy the right to express his opinion; I believe he must be allowed to be wrong; that it is in consideration of its errors that the French people have such a large number of representatives, so that those of some can be corrected by others. 

Immediately after this, Desmoulins also takes a step back in regards to the committee of clemency asked for in number 4. He insists that it was actually a committee of justice he meant, and that the notes and the opening parenthesis included in the number make that clear. He reveals that he’s been reprimanded for the idea by Fréron, who in a recent letter from Toulon had told Lucile to ”tell [Camille] to keep his imagination in check a little with respect to a committee of clemency. It would be a triumph for the counter-revolutionaries.” Camille responds to Fréron in the journal, underlining that he’s not talking about Toulon, where clemency is clearly ”out of season,” when asking for such a committee, but that it’s Paris that could use ”the bridle of the Vieux Cordelier.” To give an example of what he means, he mentions the recent arrest of his father-in-law, held suspect for a few discarded objects imprinted with fleur-de-lis found in his house. This, says Camille, is quite ironic considering his father-in-law is ”the most ultra sixty-year-old I have yet seen,” ”the Père Duchesne of the house,” who would always go on about how only conspirators and aristocrats were arrested and the guillotine too idle.

Camille fully refutes those who think the content of number 3 and 4 is due to the ”influence” of someone else, in particular Fabre and Philippeaux. People who say that, writes Camille, ”do not know the untamed independence of my pen, which only belongs to the republic, and perhaps a little to my imagination and its deviations, if you like, but not to the ascendancy and influence of anyone.” But early in the number he also appears to show his disapproval of the fact Fabre since a month back has been imprisoned, remarking that ”the immortal author of Philinth” has been accused of counterfeiting and that ”today 24 nivôse, […] Fabre d'Églantine, the inventor of the new calendar, has just been sent to Luxembourg, before having seen the fourth month of his republican year.”

Desmoulins quite quickly wraps up, saying that ”I am obliged to postpone the rest of my political credo until another day,” as he wishes for his future numbers to be shorter in order to lower the prize of the journal. The fact that the long number 5 cost as much as twenty sous is what caused no sans-culotte to read it, which in it’s turn caused Hébert to reign supreme. He does however also leave a PS note, where he corrects some errors Hébert wrote about him in Père Dushesne in the wake of the last number of the Vieux Cordelier, before declaring that he’s happy Robespierre’s call on January 8 to focus on the crimes of the English government instead of the two journalists appears to have put an end to their struggles.

Why is there such a big gap between numbers 5 and 6 and why is the latter suddenly much meeker? The simple answer is course that we will never know for sure, Camille’s lack of personal correspondence during this period certainly not helping. The only thing I know of hinting at a motivation is the letter Lucile wrote to Robespierre after her husband’s arrest, where she claims that ”this hand which has pressed yours has left the pen before its time, once it could no longer hold it to trace your praise.” Lucile’s words should of course be taken with a grain of salt given that her goal with the letter is to save Camille’s life, but the idea that he got sick of the Vieux Cordelier once he realized Robespierre no longer had his back is still one I don’t think should be completely tossed aside. After all, checking his track record, whose errands did he most often run? His first journal Révolutions de France et de Brabant (1789-1791) hailed Robespierre as its number 1 champion, even more than for example Pétion and Buzot whose fame and influence at the time were pretty equal to his. When all of Paris gets caught in a war frenzie in December 1791 and forward, it is Desmoulins who sticks by Robespierre’s side in his fight against it and the soon to be ”girondins,” attacking Brissot in Jean Pierre Brissot démasqué (February 1792) and then starting a whole journal, La Tribune des Patriotes (April 1792) to act as a defence of him (”Fréron and I will not abandon you in the breach, in the midst of a cloud of enemies.”) When he the next year delivers the final blow to the ”faction” with l’Histoire des Brissotins, it is Robespierre who gets to proofread it, and finally, when we get to the Vieux Cordelier a few months later, it is again Robespierre (and not Danton) whose involvement we have the best evidence of. Suffice to say, Robespierre’s opinion obviously matterad a lot to Camille, and so for him to lose enthusiasm after Robespierre openly humiliates his journal (that he had originally supported) doesn’t sound like that impossible of an explanatory model. Not only that, but Robespierre’s support also served as a protection from critique, a support that was obviously quite important did you wish to keep your reputation and even head. Like you say, Camille must have known he was taking a risk by expressing himself the way he did. Now that his ideas are not getting through and he’s losing the support so vital for his safety, he might have fallen back on the fact that he had a young family to take care of and decided to back down a bit for that reason.

Uncertainty also seems to have reigned over the seventh and final number of the Vieux Cordelier, the one that Camille would never see the release of. According to Hervé Leuwers’ biography (and I’m going off completely on what he writes for this number so that we can finally get this thing over with), three drafts exists of this number. The first one is a severe critique of the revolutionary government that Camille nevertheless persists in claiming he still accepts. He is indignant over the conditions of the detained suspects, denounces the impolitic “annihilation” of Lyon, considers the closure of “bawdy houses at the same time as those of religion” as an entourage to the counter-revolution, expresses worry over the broad powers of the Committee of Public Safety and criticizes Barère and Collot d’Herbois. This draft does however gets scrapped for a second one (Leuwers speculates this might be due to Robespierre on February 5 1794 providing a logic and a moral framework for the revolutionary government in his famous ”On Political Morality” speech, and Desmoulins not wanting to rock the boat) which takes the form of a dialogue between an ”old cordelier” and ”Camille Desmoulins,” officially two different persons, but in practise both alter-egos of the author. This time the journalist launches an offensive against the Committee of General Security and its politics, openly attacking several of its members — Vadier, Voulland, Amar, David and Lavicomterie, and even reproaching Robespierre for having forgotten his anti-warmongering from three years earlier. 

The third draft of the journal, the one Camille in the end wanted printed, no longer contains any of these reproaches towards the government committees, but still takes the form of a conversation between  ”the old cordelier” and Camille Desmoulins.” The ”old cordelier” is loyal to principles and advocates for unlimited freedom of the press, proclaiming it’s stupid to think it dangerous, and that before shooting the ”rascals” they must be denounced. He openly asks ”Camille Desmoulins” if he would dare to use freedom of the press to it’s full extent: ”Would you dare to ridicule the political blunders of this or that member of the Public Safety Committee? […] Would you dare today to address a particular deputy of the Minister of War, the great character Vincent, for example, as courageously as you did, four years ago, Necker and Bailly, Mirabeau, the Lameths and Lafayette?” He also expresses despair over the current state of affairs: ”I no longer see in the republic anything but the flat calm of despotism, and the smooth surface of the stagnant waters of a marsh; I see only an equality of fear […]Where is liberty? frankness? audacity?” The ”old cordelier” even aims a rebuke against Barère and Saint-Just for reports held December 26 and February 26 respectively: ”Saint-Just and Barère put you in their reports from the committee of public safety, because you put them in your journal.”

”Camille Desmoulins” is however more cautious than the ”old cordelier.” He doesn’t want to renounce his faith in freedom of expression either: ”republics have as their basis and foundation the freedom of the press, not this other basis that Montesquieu gave them” (virtue, so here Desmoulins appears to be distancing himself from Robespierre who claimed that it is indeed virtue that is ”the fundamental principle of popular or democratic government” in the speech on February 5). But then he also adds that freedom the press is subordinate to the “salvation of the people” and that the revolutionary government should also have the right to restrict property and freedom of movement. ”Camille Desmoulins” nevertheless continues advocating for indulgence, but this time without debating suspects. Towards the end, he also rekindles his attack on the ultra-revolutionaries: ”would you like this goddess thirsty for blood whose high priest Hébert, Momoro and their like, dare to demand that the Temple be built like that of Mexico, on the bones of three million citizens, and tell incessantly to the Jacobins, to the Commune , to the Cordeliers what the Spanish priests said to Montézume [sic]: The Gods are athirst.”

So going off this final number, I’d say Camille’s mindset was that of someone deeply unsatisfied with the politics of the day. He is however aware that fully voicing this dissatisfaction would be dangerous and/or counter-productive, which is why he scraps the first number entirely, and edits out the attacks on Robespierre and the CGS in the second draft (so in sum, I would say he was indeed attempting to back down a bit in number 6 and 7). Camille also comes off as conflicted about what to believe anymore, the collusion between his ideals and the lived reality evidently very strong.

I don’t know if Desmoulins would have been able to save himself had he chosen to put his guns down even more in the two final numbers. After all, at the time of Camille’s arrest, it’s been more than two months since number six — the meekest one of them all — has been released, so I don’t think the authorities saw him as a threat for what he was visibly doing in the moment as much as for what he had done/said in the past. I think a safer bet would be that Camille might have been able to save himself had he said he regretted his actions and accepted getting his numbers destroyed when denounced at the jacobins by Robespierre on January 7, because then he would still have had this crucial protection left.

As for the question of Danton and his role in the ”indulgent campaign,” like I wrote in this post, the idea that he was some kind of mastermind pulling the threads behind the scenes (like he’s portrayed in for example La Terreur et la Vertu) appears to be entirely based on the testimonies of contemporaries. There’s Robespierre claiming in his notes against the dantonists (March 1794) that Danton had been the ”president” of the Vieux Cordelier, whose prints he had corrected, and also that he had had ”influence” over the writings of Philippeaux. There’s Danton’s friend Garat writing in 1795 that Danton, while recovering from illness in Arcis-sur-Aube, came up with a ”conspiracy” with the goal ”to restore for the benefit of all the reign of justice and of the laws, and to extend clemency to his enemies,” that all his friends became part of upon his return to Paris. There’s Camille’s friend Louis Marie Prudhomme claiming in 1797 that ”Danton, Lacroix, Camille-Desmoulins, Fabre-d'Églantine, put themselves at the head of a secret party against the emerging authority of the Committee which was their work” at that Camille for this purpose had been charged with a ”moral attack” to ensure the triumph of the ”system of clemency.” There’s Courtois who in his old age wrote that Danton softened the Vieux Cordelier’s ”acrimony” in many places, and finally, there’s Jules Claretie who in Camille Desmoulins And His Wife: Passages From The History Of The Dantonists (1876) claimed to have heard an anecdote about Danton telling Camille to write and ask for clemency already in the summer of 1793. But again, determining the veracity in any of these statements is harder than it seems, especially as it’s impossible to say if these testimonies were independent from one another or not. Furthermore, there’s also other testimonies that go against those above. The deputy Levasseur de la Sarthe did for example claim in his memoirs that ”Fabre d’Églantine was at the head of this [indulgent] faction” and had managed to drag Desmoulins and Philippeaux along, but that ”Danton, loyal to the oath that he would not associate himself with any faction, did for a long time remain outside of cette new and imprudent outcry: later forced to speak out, he allied himself with the faction against the committee,” while Hébert, when attacking Desmoulins, Philippeaux, Bourdon de l’Oise and Fabre at the jacobins on December 21 1793, at the same time praised Danton — ”there are two men who have all my estime and all my confidence: Danton and Robespierre.”

I’ve found two seperate anecdotes painting Danton as someone who, similar to Vilate’s claim about Desmoulins, was deeply moved by the fate of the girondins. The first one comes from Memoirs of the revolution; or, an apology for my conduct, in the public employments which I have held (1795) by Dominique-Joseph Garat:

I could not convince myself that among all those who, since May 31, had retained great popularity, there was not one who did not still retain a little humanity, and I went to Danton. He was ill, it only took me two minutes to see that his illness was above all a deep pain and a great dismay at everything that was coming. ”I won't be able to save them (the girondins)”, were the first words out of his mouth, and, as he uttered them, all the strength of this man, who has been compared to an athlete, was defeated, big tears strolled down his face, whose shapes could have been used to represent that of Tartarus. […] When the fate reserved for the twenty-two [girondins] seemed inevitable, Danton already heard, so to speak, his death sentence in theirs. All the strength of this triumphant athlete of democracy succumbed under the feeling of the crimes of democracy and its disorders. He could only talk about the countryside, he was suffocating, he needed to escape from men in order to be able to breathe.

The other one comes from a memoir that Danton’s sons wrote over their father in 1846. They claimed to have obtained the anecdote from the son of the M. Doulet mentioned in it:

Danton was in Arcis in the month of November 1793. One day, when he was walking in his garden with M. Doulet, a third person came towards them, walking with great steps and holding a paper in his hand (it was a journal). As soon as he could make himself heard he cried out: ”Good news! Good news!” and approached them. ”What news?” said Danton. ”Here, read! The girondins have been condemned and executed,” responded the person that had just arrived. ”And you call this good news, you wretch?” cried Danton in his turn, Danton whose eyes immediately got filled with tears. ”The death of the girondins good news? Wretch!” ”Without a doubt,” responded his interlocuteur, ”weren’t they factious?  ”Factious,” said Danton. Aren’t we factious? We all deserve death just as much as the girondins, we will all suffer, one after the other, the same fate as them.”

This could invite to the idea that Danton, like Camille, was horrified by the fact revolutionary justice had gone as far as it had (or at least that he got alarmed once he realized said justice could also reach politicians like himself) and wanted to put an end to it. But also like with Camille, this idea cracks a little once you start looking over the things he’s actually fully confirmed to have said himself following his return to Paris in November 1793 and his death five months later. This can be observed in Discours de Danton (1910) by André Fribourg. Below can be seen all recorded interventions made by Danton during this period, as well as which ones had anything to do with the ”indulgent campaign.”

On November 22, the first day of his public apperances since his return from Arcis-sur-Aube, Danton speaks about a decree granting help to priests who have abdicated, that the committee of legislation and finances has been charged with preparing. Danton supports the decree, pointing at ”the consequences the rejection of [it] would have” — if a priest cannot support himself, he will turn against them, travel to the Vendée and declare himself their enemy. He therefore suggests that it be kept track over which priests have obtained the relief, and that as soon as it is demonstrated to a commune that one has acquired the means to subsist, it will be authorized to remove all priest salary from him. And he ends with these words:

I ask that the blood of men be spared; I ask that you do not lose the means of going home to your enemies, and conciliating them. Be fair to all who are not your enemies; you owe them enough to live on until they can afford it. You can give it to them with economy: here there is no expense. Those who calculate know that a large number will hasten to search, and will find ways to cost the Nation nothing. But show yourselves just, show yourselves great like the people you represent; it wants justice, it wants it to be imperturbable; proclaim it in its name, you will receive its applause and blessings.

Danton’s intervention was met by applause, and the discussion ends with the committee’s decree about help to the priests getting sent to the printer.

Four days later, November 26, Danton spoke in similar terms, regretting the numerous deputations and former priests coming to the Convention that day to show off remains of their churches and renounce their estate respectively. Danton proposes that ”we should no longer admit these anti-religious masquerades,” pointing out that ”there exists a law that charges a committee to receive the renunciations of priests. I demand the execution of it.” After asking for there to quickly be made a report on the ”foreign plot” recently revealed to the authorities by Fabre d’Églantine, Danton once again makes a case for not multiplying the guilty:

The perpetrators and accomplices must be carefully sought after, even within the Assembly. We must pursue traitors everywhere in whatever forms they disguise themselves. But let us be careful to distinguish what is due to error from what is due to crime. The people want terror to be the order of the day; but it wants it to be carried out against the real enemies of the Republic, and against them alone; I read that the people do not want the individual who was not born with revolutionary vigor to be, for that reason alone, treated as a culprit; if they do not deviate from their duties, the people want to encourage even the weak, when they have no idea of ​​crime.

This earned him a reprimand from Fayau, who said that Danton had just ”let escape, without a doubt unintentionally, expressions that do not please me, he has not misunderstood this great truth that the people are sovereign, but while they need to be terrible he invites them to clemency.” Danton responded that he hadn’t even pronounced the word ”clemency,” doesn’t want any indulgence for the guilty, and asks for ”an energetic and revolutionary government.” Fayau retorted, saying that the way Danton just expressed himself of the current government made it seem like he thinks it could easily be substituted for another. But Danton shut him down with the words ”The Republican Constitution is decreed, and I am an imperishable Republican.” Once again he carried the day, the Convention decreeing his propositions amid applause.

On December 1 Danton warned that ”any man who makes himself ultra-revolutionary will render results as dangerous as determined counter-revolution,” and urged the Convention to declare that ”no one has the right to arbitrarily lay down the law on a citizen.” He calls for centralisation and tighter control of representatives on mission:

Let us recall those of our commissioners who, no doubt with good intentions, have taken measures that have been reported to us, and that no representative of the people henceforth issues decrees except in accordance with our revolutionary decrees, with the principles of freedom, and according to the instructions which will be transmitted to him by the Committee of Public Safety. Let us remember that, if it is with the pike that we overthrow, it is with the compass of reason and genius that we can raise and consolidate the edifice of society. 

Two days after that, December 3, the jacobin session reported about at the beginning of this post, the one where Danton once again speaks against what he calls ”ultra-revolutionary measures,” is critiqued by Coupé d’Oise but saved by Robespierre. After this however, Danton’s frequent warnings about ultra-revolution come to a sudden stop, and he instead occupies himself with speaking on other subjects. Did he at this point feel that he could leave over the task to Desmoulins and Robespierre?

On the Convention session December 22, upon the news that a wine merchant suspected of hoarding has been convicted but his innocence has been recognized, Danton cried out for a reprieve, and the Convention repeated it after him. Danton then supported a proposal made by Collot d’Herbois to first make a report regarding the case and send it to the Convention.

The day after that, December 23, Danton called for calm in the Jacobins’ tumultuous discussion about Philippeaux. He does however not defend the accused or his works, underlining instead that ”I don’t have any opinion on Philippeaux or others; I’ve told him myself: ”you must either prove your accusation, or get sent to the scaffold,” but asking that everyone that wishes to speak be heard: ”There is only one misfortune to fear, and that is that our enemies will take advantage of our discussions. Let them profit as little as neccesary, and all keep our heads that are neccesary to us.” Right after Danton, Robespierre makes a similar intervention, underlining that he himself hasn’t read Philippeaux’ pamphlet but hopes he had good intentions with it, before asking for everyone to be heard and the session to be kept ”calm and quiet,” warning of ”the foreign powers [that] surround you here.” When a while later, their advice still hasn’t borne any fruit, Danton irritatingly intervenes again: ”the enemy is at our gates, and we are tearing each other apart! Do all our altercations kill a Prussian?” (vivid applause). Danton ends by asking for ”a commission composed of five members, that will hear the accused and the accusers.” With the support of Couthon, this proposal is decreed and met with applause. 

The next time Philippeaux is discussed by the jacobins, on January 5, Danton again observes that the discussion revolves around facts denied on one side and affirmed on the other. In order to find out what of Philippeaux’s writings actually correspond with reality, he asks that the correspondence from Vendée be analyzed and that the representatives and soldiers interrogated on what they have seen, so that then the Convention and the CPS can clarify the substance of the question. ”Before having reached the goal, let us not prejudge any individual; let's leave it a misunderstood predipitation. We will soon know what to think of Philippeaux when the facts are clearly known.” Danton also expresses doubt over the arrested Ronsin’s presumed guilt — ”I have a hard time believing Ronsin has changed in the way of thinking, he in whom I have always following the trail of liberty, he who during my ministery was pointed out to me as an ardent back up of republican government, and whom I chose, to the great satisfaction of patriots, to after the great insurrection of August 1 go and share the love of the republic in the departments” — something which makes it hard to believe he would have been the one who, through Fabre, masterminded said arrest. It may also be added that Desmoulins was also denounced during the session of both December 23 and January 5, without Danton speaking up for him.

On January 7, after Desmoulins has been attacked by Robespierre, Danton again steps in not to defend the journalist and his numbers, but rather to bring both friends back to order and call for quiet — ”Camille mustn’t be frightened by the rather severe lessons Robespierre’s friendship has just given him. Citizens, let justice and cold-headedness always preside over our decisions. In judging Camille, be careful to not strike a deadly blow against liberty of the press.”

The same day at the Convention, Bourdon d’Oise attacks two men Desmoulins has previously taken on in the Vieux Cordelier, Hébert and Bouchotte, the former of which has attacked ”the most pure patriots” in his journal while being in the pay of the latter, who, as Minister of War, ”draws immense sums from the public fund.” This money, Bourdon claims, is better used paying off the nation’s debt to the families of volunteers. Danton, while declaring that ”I think like the pre-opinionists that the organization of the Ministry of War is bad,” also makes sure to state that ”we must ensure that our decrees do not harm the action of the operations of this same ministry,” before again asking that everything be looked over by the CPS and the Committee of Finances instead, ”so that they present to us a method such that our enemies know that we will never slow down the efforts that public safety and the unshakeable establishment of freedom require of us.” He never mentions any names. If Danton is the leader of the ”indulgents,” he does in other words not do much to continue an offensive launched against the ”rival faction” by one of his presumed ”allies.”

The next intervention takes place on January 13, when Danton spoke about the recent arrest of Fabre d’Églantine, agreeing with Charlier who asked for an act of accusation against him and the three other deputies entangled in the East India Company Scandal, and proclaiming that the Committee of General Security has done a good job by putting a ”man presumed guilty” under the hand of the law, but that it at the same time wouldn’t hurt to let the accused come and explain themselves before the Convention — ”I ask that the Convention confirm the arrest of Fabre d'Églantine, that the Committee of General Security take all necessary measures, and that the defendants then be brought to the bar so that they can be judged before all the people so that it recignizes those who still deserve its esteem.” — underlining that his proposal isn’t contrary to that of the committee. His proposal did however receive a frosty response from both Vadier and Billaud-Varennes, the latter exclaiming: ”Woe to whoever sat next to Fabre d'Églantine, and who is still his dupe.” Right after him, Amar insinuated Danton was accusing the committee of negligence, to which he immediately responded that he wasn’t, ”I do justice to it.”

On January 16, Bourdon de l’Oise asks for the arrest and transfer before the are Revolutionary Tribunal of the deputy Dentzel, who, during a mission in the Bas-Rhin department ”focused on persecuting patriots and incarcerating them,” even having the colonel of the Corrèze battalion, a ”frank republican and known as such,” put in an iron cage. Here Danton wholeheartedly agrees, calling the charges against Dentzel ”grave” and calling for the CPS and CGS to take care of the accusation while nevertheless again repeating that ”we must follow a wise path that puts us aside from errors.”

On January 24 Camille protested against the recent arrest of his father-in-law at the Jacobins, again gaining the support of Bourdon d’Oise who asked that the Committee of General Security make a report about the case in three days. Danton did however object to this, stating that he didn’t want a certain prisoner to be given privilieges just because of his relations. He also underlined that ”no one wants the continuation of revolutionary action more than me,” and that ”it is impossible for revolutionary means not to be momentarily fatal to good citizens” before nevertheless reminding the deputies of Robespierre’s committee of justice (which ended up never happening in practice) and suggesting that ”the Convention consider ways to do justice to all the victims of arbitrary measures and arrests, without harming the action of the revolutionary government”:

I oppose the kind of distinction of privilege which would seem to be granted to Desmoulins' father-in-law. I want the Convention to deal only with general affairs. If we want a report for this citizen, we also need one for all the others. […] My colleague's complaint is fair in itself, but it would give rise to a decree unworthy of us. If we were to give priority, it would belong to citizens who do not find in their fortune and in their acquaintance with members of the Convention hopes and resources in the midst of their misfortune: it must be to the unfortunate, to the needy, that you should first hold out your hands. I ask that the Convention consider ways to do justice to all the victims of arbitrary measures and arrests, without harming the action of the revolutionary government. I would be careful not to prescribe the means here. I request the referral of this question to the consideration of the Committee of General Safety, which will consult with the Committee of Public Safety; that a report be made to the Convention, and that it be followed by a broad and in-depth discussion; because all the discussions of the Convention have resulted in the triumph of reason and liberty.

On January 29, Danton opposed an immediate act of accusation being issued against Dalbarade, minister of navy, accused of rebellion against the Convention — ”I know that we above all must guard ourselves from our passions. If it is vigour that founds republics, I know that wisdom and concilation are what give them a unalterable solidity; and I foresee that if we exaggerate each other we would end up forming parties, and there can only be one, that of reason” — asking (again) that the CPS make a report on the matter first.

Three days later, February 2, Danton applauded the proposal put forward by the CGS:s Voulland to release the imprisoned Vincent and Ronsin, as no charge against them has appeared. He claims to have been sceptical about the decision to arrest them since day one — ”I said to Fabre himself, when he wrested from the Convention the decree of arrest against Vincent and Ronsin: You act like the Convention was great when it went through with this decree, as for me, I maintain that it had only a good intention, and it needed to be clarified.” — and calls it ”an incontestable principle” to not treat as suspects ”revolutionary veterans who, by public admission, have rendered constant services to liberty.” But he also claims to have been motivated by the same principles when asking that Fabre be allowed to come and defend himself before the Convention a month earlier — ”I defend Ronsin and Vincent against prejudice, just as I will defend Fabre and my other colleagues, as long as no one has carried into my soul a conviction contrary to the opinion I have of them.” He also repeats that he believes the intentions of Philippeaux (whose pamphlet is course what landed Ronsin and Vincent in prison to really begin with) were good (even while again underlining he doesn’t agree with his opinions) and that he will surely not object to setting the two free. And he ends by once again calling for unity: ”stop this germ of division that our enemies, undoubtedly, seek to cast among us.”

On February 22, Danton asked for the postponement of a decree put forward by Élie Lacoste, in the name of the CGS, putting under arrest the judges and public pursecotor of the military tribunal of the first district of the Ardennes department. Danton proclaims that ”it is time for the Convention to return to its rightful place, and to pronounce only with full knowledge of the facts,” and that this is ”only the preface to my political opinion; I will say it in time.” He’s proposal was again adopted.

Finally, on March 19, Danton celebrated the arrest of the hébertists, exclaiming that ”the people and the National Convention want the authors of this conspiracy to be punished with death” and that ”never has national representation appeared as great to me as it does today.” He praises the revolutionary government and its two committees. Nowhere, however, does the leader of the ”indulgents” take advantage of the elimination of the so called ”extremists” to ask for more moderation/clemency. 

During the trial of the indulgents, I can’t find Danton’s activities and interventions over the past five months get discussed even once, focus lies instead on his revolutionary career prior to that point, with the intention of proving he’s been a closet royalist and an accomplice of both Dumouriez, the duke of Orléans, Mirabeau and the girondins. At one point, Danton does however proclaim that he still believes Fabre to be a good citizen…

So I would conclude by saying Danton’s part in the ”indulgent campaign” consists of him first warning about the dangers of ultra-revolution, and then asking that revolutionary justice be slowed down a bit in three seperate cases, calling for unity within the jacobin club and Convention, and at one point asking that measures be taken to help those under arbitrary arrest. In these two last points, he’s actually quite similar to Robespierre during this same period… Danton never shows himself hostile towards any of the ”ultras” until they have been put on trial, even expressing doubt over the first arrest of Ronsin and Vincent and joy over their release. This while simultaneously not showing the strongest ties to his fellow ”indulgents” — he claims that Philippeaux had good intentions but nevertheless underlines that he doesn’t share his opinions/hasn’t made up his mind on him, he proposes that the imprisoned Fabre be allowed to come and explain himself before the Convention but also applauds his arrest, he goes against Bourdon de l’Oise on both January 7 and 24, and he steps in to act as mediator when Desmoulins gets denounced by Robespierre, but does nothing to really defend him and his actions neither then nor when he’s openly attacked on December 23 and January 5. Danton, like Desmoulins, also never openly questions the authority of the government committees, appearing instead to hugely respect them and finding them important for the salvation of France, given how often he asks that matters be handed over to them.  

As for what evidence we have regarding Danton’s view on the later numbers of the Vieux Cordelier, I would say there’s none, in both directions.

[miwtual]

hey kai if you want could you do a tutorial on how to put gifs inside shapes (like your MARGOT ROBBIE as HARLEY QUINN in the DC EXTENDED UNIVERSE) it looks so good

howdy anon! i’ve answered something similar to this before, but i figured that a proper tutorial would be nice, so thank u for sending an ask about it :) 

as per usual, you will need basic giffing knowledge for photopea, as well as the website itself, to complete this tutorial. this tutorial is also very wordy, but i do have some images to help with the process. if you have any questions about the process, please feel free to send in another ask.

without further ado, let’s go!

so, when making your gifs, the first thing you need to do is make sure that they are the same amount of frames. otherwise, your gif will end up looking strange with one gif looping faster than the other one. 

once you have all of your clips you want to use for the gif you’re making (i will be using two, but you can use more than that!), decide which one you want to be in the shape that you’re going to be choosing. for the sake of this tutorial, i am going to be using a simple circle shape, but you can use any variety of shapes however you’d like. i have some notes below about different ways to get different shapes:

on your left toolbar, directly under the “move” tool, there is the option for a “rectangle select” tool. right clicking this option also allows for you to choose ellipse select for circles. by adding a new layer to your canvas (on the top options, go to layer > new > layer), you can use either of these shapes to make a rectangle or circle, which you can then fill in by going to edit > fill…

on your left toolbar, above the “zoom” and “hand” tools, there should be a rectangle. right clicking this should give you the option for other shapes, such as ellipses, lines, and custom shapes. depending on what you want for your gif, you can choose any of these options for your own gif shape, but beware that these shapes are all fairly limited to what photopea has to offer.

for other shapes that photopea doesn’t offer (like the starburst shape that mattel uses for barbie edits, for example), i will go to google and just look up things like “mattel logo shape png”, or whatever other shape i’m looking for, and try to look for a transparent png. while this does give you a lot of options, you may not be able to find a transparent option (i use remove.bg to help with that!) or you may have to do some editing around the edges to get the shape the way you want it (many of the mattel logos have a big MATTEL in the middle that ruins the edges of the starburst shape, so you’ll have to fix that, for example)

more notes about choosing your shape:

if you get a shape off google, make sure that your cropping fits that shape! if you have a shape that is some weird dimensions that arent a 1x1 ratio, your gif cropping will have to reflect that so it fits in the shape.

you should also know how big you want your shape to be on the finished product — for me, the entire gif canvas is going to be 540x540, so i’m going to make the shaped gif 240x240 so that both the big gif in the background and the shaped gif are visible in the final product. this will all depend on what you are doing for your gifs, though, so play around with different shapes/sizes in another canvas the size of your final product.

first thing’s first, make your gif for within the shape however you want. as you have (probably) seen from other gifsets of mine, there’s multiple ways you can choose to make the gif within your shape: you can do like this edit and have a colored overlay, or you could do like this edit and have normal coloring with a pop of color, or some other thing that you’d like to do! for this edit, i’m going to keep the sanji gif within my shape colored fairly normal with a pop of blue to match his shirt. my gif, as of now (without the shape), looks like this:

from here, add your shape on top of all your layers (as i said before, your gif should be cropped so the shape fits perfectly within the cropped gif!). go to the very bottom of your gif frames, and put that shape directly under the first frame (which is likely titled “_a_Background” or “_a_frm0,50”, depending on how you gif your gifs) while still within the gif folder you most likely have, especially if you follow my tutorials. this part is tedious, but starting with that first frame, go through every frame of your gif, right click, and select the “clipping mask” option. because you have that shape at the very bottom, every layer above it will follow the same clipping mask to put the gif within the shape. after your done, your frames should look something like this:

and now my gif looks like this: 

which isn’t what i want, because i want that blue color in the shape with the rest of the gif! there’s an easy way to fix this, if you’re like me and have that gradient color: click and drag all of your adjustment layers into the folder with your gif (i know, goes against everything i’ve said before in my other tutorials, right?) so that you can do the same thing you did with your frame layers and create a clipping mask for those gradient color layers. you don’t have to do this for the other adjustment layers for your coloring, by the way, just for the gradient color layers! now my gif looks like this:

much better! and now that we have the shaped gif finished and in its shape (make sure you save the psd!), you can sharpen and export your gif by going to file > export as > .GIF and you’ve made your shaped gif! 

now you can make your other gif to be behind the shaped gif; i won’t provide a tutorial for how i made this gif, other than it follows my usual coloring + a gradient layer to make the entire gif blue:

now that you have both of your gifs, we can move on to putting them on the same canvas!

after putting both of your gifs on the same canvas, position the shaped gif wherever you’d like to place it on the canvas. you can center it, place it in a corner, whatever you want! it’s your gif, your choice. i placed my circle sanji gif towards the bottom left corner of the canvas because i wanted to be able to see both the little gif and the larger gif clearly. :) 

from here, you can do a number of things to make the shaped gif stand out; what i did for mine is add a shadow behind the gif and an outline of the circle that’s off centered from the circle gif itself. here’s how i did both of those things:

shadow: double click the shaped gif’s folder to open up the “blending options” pop up menu. check the “drop shadow” option towards the bottom of the list, and adjust it to how you want it to be. once you’re happy with how the shadow looks, click “OK” to close the pop up menu. below are my settings for this particular shadow on this gif, but this may change depending on your own gif (feel free to play around with these settings!):

off-centered outline: this is specifically for circles/rectangles; if you have another shape that you got off google, for example, this part of the tutorial will not work (but if you want to know how to do something like this for a shape like that, i can create another tutorial! just ask <3). create a new layer (layer > new > layer through the topbar menu) and create an ellipses the same size as the circle i created earlier. from here, go to edit > stroke… to make the pop up menu show up (you will not be able to preview this when you edit this layer, so if you’re unhappy with how it looks once you click “OK”, use CTRL+Z to undo and try again!). once you have the shape as you want it, go to select > deselect on the topbar to deselect the section you just made, and use the move tool to move the shape around however you want. if you want to make the shape less intense, change the opacity located near the layers menu (i put mine at 30%). below are the settings for my shape, which you can of course play with as you'd like for your own gifs:

now that you’ve done that, do anything else you’d like to do to your gif — add text, put a watermark, whatever you’d like! after you’re finished with that, save your psd and then go to layer > animation > merge to merge all of your gifs together before going to file > export as > .GIF. and then you’re done! congrats, you’ve just made a shaped gif in photopea! :) 

[xclowniex]

I have two questions and apologies if this seems wordy, but I'm a little bit confused. I learned about the "Land for All" solution, which is two-states, one homeland solution, and I think that that is what I think the solution to the conflict is. However, I've seen people argue for a strict 1SS or 2SS solution and I'm confused.

Do you think a 1 state solution will ever be possible? Because right now, the Gaza strip and the West Bank are not physically connected, and I don't see it working out well. (Pakistan and Bangladesh being separated by India, for example. It didn't work). Obviously we can't force people to move just redesignate what is now Palestine and what is now Israel. I really can't see either of those territories functioning independently but they're also very different (culturally/politically/socially, I've seen Gaza and the West Bank beginning to diverge). But a 1SS seems theoretically possible, given that 20% of Israelis are Arab. Is there a huge difference between Israeli Arabs and Palestinian Arabs?

What is it that makes Israel a Jewish country. I understand that Jews are indigenous to the Levant and that indigenous groups have the right to self-autonomy. I am not disputing that, and I have no problem with Israel existing. But what EXACTLY makes Israel a Jewish state? Is it the population demographics (majority Jewish), the fact that the country follows Jewish rules? Jewish culture/language? Presence of Kosher food? Because I've heard a lot of pro-palestinians argue that instead of the State of Israel, there should be a 1SS Land for All solution. But that risks Jews not being the majority, and many Arabs in Palestine have been brainwashed to hate Jews (not saying Arabs are inherently evil. Obviously I disagree with that. But Jews live side by side with Arabs in Israel. The reverse simply does not happen in Palestinian territories.) so "Israel" (or whatever the hypothetical 1 State would be called) would no longer be a Jewish country. But many people say that a 1 state solution is the ideal solution. I guess my question is "why", because a 1SS denies the existence of a Jewish nation.

Hi there! So to answer your questions, I am just going to need to clarify a few things you may be confused on.

Land for all is not a one state solution of Israel or Palestine nor two states one homeland. It is essentially when you create a new third country.

To answer your first question, under a land for all, it doesn't matter as the west bank, gaza and Israel are all a new country. Under a two state solution, it depends on which form you support.

There is the version where you keep the borders where they are now, some where you go to the borders back in the 60's or the original proposed borders in 1948. The west bank and Gaza haven't always been separated.

As I am a land for all idealist and 2SS realist, under a two state solution I do think that they would need to be connected, and purely from a border point of view, some of Southern Israel should be given up for this. Ofc it gets more complicated when you bring in how Israelis living in Southern Israel would feel about it as well as from an infrastructure perspective, but that is not really my wheelhouse.

I would have to defer your question on the difference between Israeli arabs and Palestinian arabs to Israelis as I am not that knowledgeable on that, but I assume the main difference is lifestyle and ideologies they are surrounded with.

To answer the second bit of your ask, for context, most pro Palestine folk don't really support a land for all, they support a one state solution of Palestine. And this becomes an issue where you have Hamas who hates jews. If this does happen and Hamas remains in power, a genocide of jews will happen.

Assuming Hamas is removed from power and a government which supports coexistence is installed in a one state of Palestine, the only issue is preserving jewish self determination. Which any meaningful way just ends up putting you at a land for all solution and no longer a 1SS of Palestine. This is also the reason why I do not support a 1SS of Israel.

Israel is a Jewish country because of 3 reasons: the majority population is ethnically jewish, the majority religion is judaism and there is a mixture of religion and state in the country's laws.

That last bit I'm not a huge fan of regardless of country or religion as I am a huge fan of keeping religion and state separate, but the other two are normal reasons.

For example, Aotearoa New Zealand is a Christian country as the main religion here is Christianity. Jamaica is considered a primarily African country despite not being in Africa as per the 2006 census, 90% of the population is of West African descent, despite the country technically being north amercian as that is the continent it is in. (Source)

If you have any follow up questions, feel free to send an ask or to dm me!

[calaisreno]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @7-percent, @totallysilvergirl and @gaylilsherlock. Thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 

147. I’ve been here nearly 6 years, some years more prolific than others. 

2. What's your total A03 word count?

Right now, just shy of 2M: 1,937,496, to be exact

3. What fandoms do you write for?

BBC Sherlock and ACD Sherlock

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Synchronicity Date Night A Chronic Condition The Wedding Gift Blank Slate Wooing Sherlock Holmes has recently moved up and is close enough to nudge its way to number 5.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always, even if it’s just to say thank you. I appreciate comments, often feel humbled by the compliments people give. It just feels right to respond. (Maybe if I were getting hundreds of comments a day, I would have to rethink that.)

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Either Below Zero or The New Gardener. Both have MCD, but sort of a soft landing. Also Learning the Heart and The Real You, but those also have endings that mitigate the angst, a bit.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I write a lot of happy endings; it’s my preferred resolution.  My choice: The Short Tragic Death of John Watson. John does NOT die, but there’s a very cheesy happy ending that made many readers scream.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No. A couple rude comments, but no intentional hatred.

9. Do you write smut?

Not much. I don’t write PWP, but include a sex scene where the plot seems to need it. I'm not opposed; it's just not my usual.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I’ve written two GO/Sherlock stories: Limbo and Hell and Back. I’ve written stories that borrow from other fandoms, but are not exactly crossovers. The closest to a crossover would be Serendipity, which borrows plot from the movie. I’ve borrowed from movie and book universes to make an original story (Eye of the Storm, A Chamber to be Haunted, Do No Harm), and I’ve borrowed premises (The Real You)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

About 60 of my fics have been translated, most of them into Russian, a couple into Chinese, on into Spanish. 

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. 

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Secret of Agra: a post-Reichenbach fic that I started in 2020. It has been through several transformations. I rarely give up permanently on a story, though. A few have grown into something new that I ended up posting. I expect I'll finish this when inspiration strikes me.

16. What are your writing strengths?

The things readers most often compliment me on: 

Character voice and emotions.  

World building. 

Versatility: historical fiction, case fics, science fiction, fantasy, rom-coms, etc.

Making readers cry.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action scenes. In Greek tragedy you simply have a character enter and describe the murder that’s just occurred offstage. In fanfiction, that’s a nope. And you have to think out every move, make the scene visual. I admire writers who make this seem effortless. (That's you, @discordantwords !!!) Description: finding non-cliche ways to describe things/people without making it weird and overly fussy.  Being too minimal: I am not a wordy writer; minimalism was how I was taught, but sometimes I need to be wordier.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I’ve done bits of this, but only in languages I’ve studied. I have a degree in Latin, and have used that in couple stories: A Demon's Tale, Accidental Magic. 

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The first and only fandom I’ve posted in is Sherlock Holmes (ACD and BBC). I don’t have any plans to move. I used to write original fiction, but have found fanfiction so much more rewarding.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

This is hard to answer. Last Envoy is the story I’m most proud of.  I write the stories I want to read, and I do re-read a number of them, some more than others. My favorite fic written in 2023 is The Traveller.

Has everybody been tagged? How about @mydogwatson @lisbeth-kk @discordantwords @copperplatebeech @keirgreeneyes @meetinginsamarra @bertytravelsfar @jrow @thegildedbee @helloliriels @gregorovitchworld ???

[zombeebunnie]

Trembling Essence:💙Choice exploration + finished scenes💙

Hello and welcome new followers, here's an update on how things are going with the game! Firstly a big thank you to the sudden influx of support I got this week, I'm happy knowing people liked the little meme video I did! :,]

This post might be a little long since I had to rewrite a few things, I was trying to upload a picture of one of the new areas you can go in but I got an error and couldn't save what I wrote. :,S

Anywho, I mainly focused on quality of life changes and continued working with the one of the endings you can get at the start of the game.

I don't really know where to start but this ending took a lot longer than expected to really hit what I've been trying to go for. At first, it was going to have two different endings. I took out one of them because I didn't have much of a connection with it and I liked the idea of it being straightforward instead. When I went back over it, everything happened too quickly for my liking. To fix this I went back and added a few choices to at least give you an idea of what the area is like and how it effects the player(Y/N) while making sure the dialog transitioned correctly with what you see on the screen. It's nothing too wordy but I do like it a lot more than I did before. Even though this is still considered one ending there is a alternate version you can get depending on a certain choice. Towards the end I fixed up all the spelling errors I could find and happily enough, there wasn't many. For right now I'd say this ending is finished! Yay! x]

Here's one of my favorite CG's I drew for it:

I love how it turned out because I really want to do different angles and perspective through the terrain, I think this one is my favorite so far! :,,]

Here's a evening time version of it:

It's suppose to be raining in this image but I still need to practice getting the angle correct. :,,]

I'm also fixing/brainstorming up the second/third ending. This one will have two different areas you can navigate through to get an idea of where you are and a few hints of lore that will be referenced later on in the game. Those that have played the [Extended Demo] you probably know which ones I'm talking about. >;]

I already like the idea of them but for one of the paths, I didn't have enough time to branch it out and make backgrounds for it in the [Extended Demo] so here's a peek of a placeholder since I'm still sketching stuff out, nothing is finalized yet. :[]

Super close to the cabin section, yay! I actually miss writing/drawing out the segments in the cabin a whole bunch so I really can't wait to fix up that part once I'm done with the swamplands. :,,]

I said last week I'd post some of the new backgrounds/areas so here you go:

Kofi update:

I also had a small talk with my play testers and one of the things they brought up is that I should be promoting my ko-fi better so from now on I'll have little mini doodles doing so at the end of every game development post as a way to promote it! :] All donations and tips help tremendously while I work on the game. If you like what I create, please consider supporting what I do here! I was able to use previous tips to get a new wrist support brace when I'm drawing so a very big thank you to everyone who gave a tip! :,,]

Q&A / Ask box is open:

If you have any questions about Trembling Essence/Noah feel free to ask here or on itch.io please. This makes it easier for me to see and answer accordingly! I would really like to hear from you guys!

I enjoyed answering the asks I got recently this week! I'm trying to finish the rest when I can including the ones I remember that got deleted. There were some I genuinely couldn't answer because it would require me to mention major spoilers/the questions have spoilers in them. :,]

This post is getting really long now so that's all I have to discuss, thank you guys very much for all of the encouraging support this past week, I appreciate it a whole bunch! :,,]

[fahye]

This is not fanmail, unfortunately, though I do want to say I have read your books and A Restless Truth was so thoroughly delightful it got me back into reading fiction after a rough year for reading. But as a published author with a background in fanfic, what would you say the tells of a writer who got started in fanfic is? I've seen the idea thrown around (usually in a negative sense, but tbh I've liked all the works in question quite a lot) but nobody has ever been able to say what these stylistic tells are, exactly.

Honestly, as a writer who has read a lot of fanfic, it makes me kind of self conscious about my own work, that people will be able to look at it and see the fanfiction in it and look down on me and my work for it, even though I can't see anything wrong with it (like, the concept of books reading like fanfic, because those are still good books) myself. What's the difference between a Proper Book and a Fanfic Book, in those people's minds?

Thank you in advance if you answer this, and sorry to bother you if you choose to just delete this, because this is very much not like the other asks you've been getting. I'll send you a more detailed fanmail about your books some other time haha

this is a fascinating and chewy question and I don't have all the answers to it, but luckily I was on an episode of the excellent @fansplaining podcast a couple of years ago, and they asked it too. we had a really great chat about what we thought some of those stylistic tells were, and some of the optimism we feel about the future of genre fiction being in the hands of fandom people.

here's the link; if you want to read the transcript then you can ctrl-f the words "what makes a story feel like fic?" and that'll take you to the paragraph where that particular discussion kicks off.

I can't answer for the people who will look down on books for being fic-like or look down on writers for being fanficcers, and I don't care to. I'm sure there are people who don't like my books, or me as a writer, for that exact reason. and that's fine! there are people who don't like them because they start slowly, or because my prose style is more intricate and wordy then they prefer, or because of all the graphic gay sex. or because they don't care for the fantasy plot that's getting in the way of all the graphic gay sex.

the best advice I can give you when it comes to that self-consciousness--and it's easier said than done, but it's all I've got--is to just make like elsa and Let It Go. let those people think whatever they're gonna think. you're not writing for them. you're writing for the person out there who will read your stories and go: holy shit, this book feels like the kind of fanfic I love most and that's amazing.

[genericpuff]

Hey when im writing a story how to talk about the lore without exposition dumping and why is exposition dumping a bad thing?

Ouu, fun writing question!

There's no easy single answer to just "avoid" exposition. In some cases, exposition dumping isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can be used improperly, like any other writing device. Really, your goal isn't necessarily to outright avoid exposition, but to find a way to naturally implement it into the story without grinding the pacing to a halt or creating confusion for your reader.

To name a few methods to implement exposition naturally:

You can have a main character act as the "surrogate" for the audience. Good examples of this are Harry Potter or Final Fantasy X - both of which are plots that involve the main character entering a world that is not their own and having to learn about that world through their own experiences. Now, you do have to be careful with this as, in the case of Harry Potter, using a character PURELY as a surrogate for the audience like that can result in the character themselves having little personality. Harry Potter himself is one such example, in the beginning we find out so much about the wizarding world through him that we never really get to know him. That's why I include FFX as another example - Tidus is a character who has his own personality, his own motives, his own quirks, while being a stranger in Spira who doesn't know how their world works, but they use that to the advantage of his character writing by making him this sorta doofy dumbass who doesn't take things quite as seriously as the people of Spira do (such as the religion of Yevon) but as such, is able to identify all the problems Spira is suffering from specifically BECAUSE he's an outsider looking in and hasn't been brainwashed like everyone else who grew up in that world.

If you don't have a main character who's new to the world, then you have to find ways to naturally implement exposition. Thing is, if your character and the people around them are familiar with the world they inhabit, why would they describe their world at length to one another? This is where a lot of poorly handled exposition dumping happens especially from writers just starting out. They'll have their characters explain things to each other that they really shouldn't have to have explained to them, and as such it can make it feel really clunky and wordy (and makes the dialogue feel unnatural). You can use shortcuts around this, such as taglines like "Did you forget? Xyz..." or "How can you still be confused, it's xyz..." but those are still tricks that can be overused or feel ham-fisted if not used properly, it really only works if the character who it's being explained to is "out of touch" or if there's reason for them to not be privy to the information being explained to them.

As much as your readers will need things explained to them, don't treat your readers like they're stupid - half the fun of experiencing a story is the discovery process. Not everything needs to be spelled out to your readers, some things can just exist and not have to be explained. The only time explanations should be made is if it's absolutely necessary to your plot, otherwise, having something just be in the background or mentioned casually is more than good enough. To go back to the FF X example, Tidus doesn't need blitzball to be explained to him, it's the one familiarity he has in Spira. Therefore, there's zero reason to have Wakka explain blitzball to Tidus as a way to explain it to the audience. Instead, we get an opening cutscene that shows us enough of what blitzball is for us to understand that it's a sport, and later on we get dialogue from Tidus explaining how he's living in his father's shadow and how his dad had this crazy move that he would never teach him and that back in Zanarkand, Tidus was the "star player". We, the audience, can infer enough from what we've been shown that blitzball is a sport in this world, we do not need it to be explained deeper than that, not until we learn the rules of how to play blitzball through the minigame itself, and still those rules aren't that important in the grand scheme of the plot, it's just a strong part of Tidus' characterization and the one thing tying him to the world of Spira when he washes onto its shores. Blitzball is the first thing we see him do in the game and it's the first thing that introduces him to the world of Spira.

To go on a bit of a tangent, I feel like this is where a lot of fantasy writers in particular tend to struggle. While romances will focus more on the characters and thus not be victim to exposition dumping quite as often (though they can be victim to some... very outdated or otherwise toxic tropes) more detail-oriented genres like fantasy and sci-fi can really tend to get lost in the trees. I've beta-read so many fantasy books that have opened with pages upon pages of world information, from languages the creator invented to the different calendars of the different regions to the races and species and yadda yadda it's literally the worst thing you can open your fantasy novel first because it's quite literally putting the cart before the horse. They get so washed up in the details because they forget their audience is there to read a story, not do homework on fictional dialects and food preparation methods. I feel like this is especially a problem for writers who read books like Lord of the Rings and A Song of Ice and Fire and see all the supplemental material, but seem to miss the point that the supplemental material came later, Tolkien didn't start by writing The Silmarillion, he started with The Hobbit which was a simple story of friendship and comradery meant for children. Only later as his audience grew more connected to the characters and the world they inhabited was he able to release the supplemental stuff because the people those details were meant for were already invested in the story. You have to get people invested first, then give them the details, and that starts with a simple idea.

Anyways, all that aside, the best way to see good exposition is to just go read books, watch movies, expose yourself to stories that handle exposition in their own way. Again, it's not a bad thing to have to dump information on people, but you gotta find a way to do it that won't overwhelm your reader or bore them before they've even gotten hooked. Start small and branch out from there. Write the details as they pertain to the characters who would be privy to them. Don't underestimate the intuitiveness of your readers, reading and writing is equal parts communication and discovery.

[esssteee]

Thanks for the tag @yletylyf <333

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 13

2. What's your total A03 words count? 351,919

3. What fandoms do you write for? grishaverse and castlevania. i'm still a baby writer, having started actively contributing to fandom works not quite 2 years ago.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

we are the wild youth chasing visions of the future (gv, aleksander/alina), young liars (gv, aleksander/nikolai), with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai), winding and unwinding (gv, aleksander/nikolai), i will eat you alive (gv, aleksander/nikolai)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yep, almost all! if i receive several in a row, chapter after chapter and by the same person, than i will more likely just respond to the last one, but i do like giving an answer to any feedback and show of love i get!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

um, good question. i don't think I've written a true angsty ending. i have several open/ambiguous endings, but the ending for me and the devil (gv, aleksander/alina) is the most ambiguous of the bunch just because it can be interpreted as alina just going stir-crazy from being alone and forgotten for so long and imagining aleksander by her side and staying with her, so it can be angsty if you take it that way.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai) cause they end up pseudo married and ruling together (yay!)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope! too small a fandom writer for that and i'm ever thankful for it!

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

me? smut??? XD just look at the rating for each fic and the associated tags, i guess i do love developping characters through the very intimate act of them falling in bed together. no real kinky sex or anything, but there's often lots of hidden (and not so hidden) feelings behind the act. most smut i've written can be considered rough and/or passionate, since there's a kind of desperation born out of the characters thinking they only have that one single time to be with the other so they're giving their all. i do love exploring the vulnerabilities that come from that for sure!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no i haven't. it's never really been my fav thing, but if done well, it'd read one.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so, not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i had someone asking to translate one, yes.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

that i've written? aleksander/nikolai in gv for sure, aleksander/alina a close second. but as a reader, i just love love love the perfect OT3 that is alucard/trevor/sypha from castlevania (if you haven't read baba by crownofpins, GO READ IT NOW)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

none, i'm just terribly slow right now. life is throwing a ton of shit at me (dog being very sick, work is horrible, energy at the lowest point), but i keep daydreaming about each fic and slowly coming up with future parts in my head if not on paper.

16. What are your writing strengths?

ah man i don't know, getting into the character's head for which i'm writing the pov from, making their thoughts and feelings just as important as anything going on. i guess because of that i strongly favour inner conflict storylines.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

too wordy. also pantsing my way thru a fic instead of really sitting down and coming up with a plan ― we are the wild youth chasing visions of our future really forced me to come up with a strong plan, which i never would have been able to do without @theonewiththeory's immense help, girl i never would have been able to achieve what i did without you!! it is my first fic in english, the first one i wrote as an adult, and it shows, but i'm still proud of it! but i definitively continue to struggle with planning and too often i fall into the bad habit of vibing along with it. also, big external-conflict plotting is a hard thing for me, tho i wish i could become better at it since it's always so fun as a reader and i'm always impressed by writers who pull an intricate plot so flawlessly!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i'm not a fan of it. so often the other language is plain up butchered, and there are ways to do it without having to juggle the hassle of writing a dialogue in another language and needing to translate it so the reader knows what's going on. but as all things, they are exceptions to the rule and anything can be done well!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

oh man the lord of the rings (with a very mary sue oc even! but i remember having such self-indulging fun with that oc and all the research needed to flesh the story out) and the legend of zelda/ocarina of time (at least i went with link for my mc in this one!)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

when i was 12, i started a complete rewrite of ocarina of time which i of course never posted online. it was in french and i was only doing it for fun. but i still have one version of it and oh boy is it cringe-worthy XD big fail, i read that question as the first fic written ― my brain is really elsewhere these days. my fav fic is definitively with the sun against our back (gv, aleksander/nikolai) which became a comfort reread when i need to feel better by reading about familiar and intimate characters. the whole series (of monsters and men) is something i'm really proud of, even with its faults and misgivings, but that third and final part has left me with the biggest impact personally.

Tagging: i'll tag a few people (no pressure, it's only if you want of course!), but anyone else who see this and wanna do it too, have fun with it (and tag me! i wanna read about people <3)

@theonewiththeory, @ladyverdance/@greensaplinggrace, @inahandful-of-dust, @aloveforjaneausten, @fantomette22, @goatsandgangsters, @zizygy, @itsnotunfinisheditsmystyle

[i-did-not-mean-to]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you so much @thenookienostradamus and @lordoftherazzles for the tag...

Let's see...

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 554 (with two not revealed yet as we speak...). Many of those are collections, though.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 1,986,915 (erm...yeah...well)

3. What fandoms do you write for? Tolkien (The Hobbit, LOTR, The Silm). (+ the odd AU or Richard Armitage movie)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? Tumblr Imagines (Wild Mix of everything) , October 2022 Ficlet run (same), A key change (Remix Fic), Black (Thorin x OC), Silm imagines and ficlets (Wild Mix again)

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes, in due time. I struggle a lot with being overwhelmed at times (imposter syndrome, fear of not knowing what to say, comments heaping up), but I am so thankful for every comment that I do try to answer them all in a timely manner.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I've written about 1k fics; I do not remember all of them :s I generally don't write angst, so I really couldn't say. Sorry :(

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Everything? I am a Happy Ending person, so most of my fics (eventually) get a happy ending :D

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not yet (crossed fingers). At times, I get comments I don't really understand (autism ahoi), but I hope that people didn't mean anything mean by it :)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? SMUT? ME? Noooo *cough*...Let's say it has happened! What kind? What kind do you want, baby? MF, FF, MM, trans characters, non-binary characters, threesomes, it has all happened. Sweet and tender? Check. Rough and dirty? Check. Dubconny and dark? Check. Just tell me what you want, and there is a good chance I've either done it or would do it :D

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I have written one crossover for an event (where characters go into a whole different franchise). Otherwise, I am an AU bitch. Disney movies, musicals, you name it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Again, not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Once for an event. Otherwise, I think one could call what @cilil and @melkors-big-tits did for the calendar co-writing. In a way, many collabs with artists are co-written. Any event collab is co-writing (to me). Me stealing @cilil's ideas is co-writing. Me asking for ideas on the @fellowshipofthefics and @tolkienpinupcalendar servers is co-writing. So...yes...yes I have, and I've loved it.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Ori x OC, Maedhros x Fingon, Eönwë x Gothmog

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Black. It's one of my first fics, and there's only a chapter or so missing...but I don't know if I'll ever finish writing that last chapter. There are a few more where I've written 1-5 additional chapters and never uploaded them...for reasons (?). By now, I am too ashamed and lazy to get back to them.

16. What are your writing strengths? Versatility and speed. I am a mediocre writer in my 5th foreign language, and I make no bones about it. Nevertheless, I am willing to give anything and everything a try :D

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I am extremely wordy. It takes me too long to get to the smut. I refuse to describe settings and geography, so all my plots seem a bit floating and vague.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I avoid using languages I don't speak which includes Tolkien's languages. I am too afraid to make mistakes or to sound cringe to people who know better than me. As for RL languages...a word maybe, but a whole sentence (again) might feel contrived...IDK everyone does as they want, but I am not feeling it for myself.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Hamilton (and yes, those stories are orphaned and can never be traced back to me) Otherwise, the Hobbit LOL

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Monkey-business, because I really liked writing that fic. It's a kitschy Hallmark Christmas story featuring Ori (not interesting, I know). But that's my personal fave lol...

Hmmm, let's tag @maglor-my-beloved, @lathalea, @scyllas-revenge, @laurfilijames, @middleearthpixie, @littlesweetdressmaker, @legolasbadass, @urwendii, @cilil, @the-red-butterfly, @fishing4stars, and @elentarial to get a good mix of people :D

[aranarumei]

a list of posts i keep telling myself i'll make (while not making them)

why am i posting this instead of the actual posts i keep wanting to make, you may ask. uh. because i want to make fun of myself. and i thought it'd be fun. and i gotta put a list somewhere. with that said:

how does sasaki feel about hirano? post I have literally over 2k abt this subject on a word doc and like. that would be one thing but the words have been there for like. a whole year already. i would loveee to finish this.

answering all my damn asks I have. a lot of unanswered asks in my askbox. which is wild. i think it's like. incredibly lucky to get questions like the ones i've gotten... stuff abt analyzing relationships, yknow. i love that stuff. but actually typing them out... i Will get to these eventually for sure. i just wish i could be more timely with it

tashiro gender introductory post thinking abt tashiro exploring gender is literally one of my fav things ever... i will Admit to the fact that a lot of it is made up BUT i think there is some reallllly fun canon basis in there that i'd love to talk abt. so a nice introductory post of like. what the hell am i talking about. would be nice. also this is an ask i've gotten and haven't responded to so it's really an offshoot of 2 but like... this one would just be way longer than my normal kinda-wordy ask responses. as an aside i'd love to write about love & passion (the tashiro ch of the 1st years light novel) bc it gets me sooo bad. and speaking of that

who is prev pres? post previous president of the ping pong club haunts me, and i'm always thinking about how he's only in the love & passion ch. the fact that he's appeared recently in harusono's art is giving me heart palpitations. anyways i just wanna post abt him more...

dating sim au love dating sim au. also unsure if people know what i say when i say that. unsure if I know what i'm saying when i say that. it'd be nice to write a primer of the overall structure, just for myself. also i made a playlist that one time and i wanna add annotations for it. i love annotating playlists

little prince mentions in cfojr so a while ago, i was writing this fanfic where i compared seigi and richard to the fox and the prince, in like, the little prince, right. i've loved that book for some years so that was the reason, but after reading vol 8 of case files of jeweler richard i was like. Wait.... is there something here to my theory? so i want to collect all the quotes to feed my ego

fic commentary this one's twofold. i have this fic i've been working on for a while and it just feels. so dense and important to me that when it finally gets done i want to do like. a commentary track for it. directors commentary? that's still a thing ppl do for fics, right...? i love talking about writing so i Hope So

ichinose post i have a lot of feelings abt this guy and i feel like i have to get them out somehow. the other option is i write a fic abt him instead. but i just wanna do it fast bc i feel like. they're kind of specific but in a fun way, my feelings

collection of posts post i just think. really in general i have a couple of posts i've made that i'd like to just reference often. it'd be nice to have a little masterlist of all of that... i don't use the pinned post feature anyways, so maybe it'd be for that...? i dunno

[raccoonfallsharder]

Hi! I just wanted to say I've been reading through Window Across the Galaxy - inching forward but reading it - and the way you write Rocket is so damn good. Though maybe I'm biased to hell and back because that is also exactly how I pictured pre-vol. 1 Rocket, haha.

The switching perspectives offer so much. I love how much they are misunderstanding each other.

Your work is inspiring me to want to work on my own wip OC fic. I've only just finished reading chapter 2 but I'm so hooked on Jolie and Rocket's tale. I love all these little snippets we get about her and her career as an artist/appraiser/restorer is so interesting.

A few questions, I know there are a lot of little references to the comics here and there, some I recognize from my own forays into reading those, and when I don't, I look it up because honestly, you add so much flavor and life to the worlds you write that I feel the need to know more. For the stuff that isn't a reference or at least a direct reference (as in a product from a known planet), how do you decide on names and other specifics? I personally long to do that in my writing but struggle with thinking things sound believable.

My other question is do you have any tips for writing Rocket? I know technically he hasn't said anything yet where I am in the story - semantics really, lol - but even through his thought process it sounds so much like him.

friend. sunshine. dewdrop. every time i see a comment or message or ask from you, i get giddy as a six-month-old puppy. you are SO kind and generous and I appreciate your words & support SO much

i’m gonna (try to) answer your questions behind the cut because I am a wordy bitch. also these questions are hard because i don’t often think about HOW my brain works so i will do my best.

but first i wanna say that i am SO excited & honored to have encouraged you to work on your own oc fic! if you end up posting here pleeease tag me ♡ and if not that’s okay too. when i started Window i thought it was going to be just for me and honestly it freed me up to do whatever the fuck i wanted, at my own pace, and that is part of what has kept it fun for me.

K BUCKLE UP THIS IS LENGTHY

so in terms of the shit I just make up (Glortho’s Equation, Spartaxian sugardrops, various fruits and foods and soap and recycling-compressors and other general NONSENSE). this is a layered process.

Almost everything I make up, I try to root in a canonical environment/planet, and I want it to make sense for the characters to HAVE it.

so eg, recycling-compressors came about because, like, they just need a practical way to store or get rid of trash. Are they jettisoning it into space every cycle? Dropping it on a landfill planet? Rocket’s comics-canon disdain for Earth + mentions of intergalactic human lifeform rights policies that Earth doesn’t honor leads me to belief that MOST space-folk embrace more sustainable practices. could be a recycling planet, but i didn’t want them needing to travel there every eight rotations or whatever so i decided having a compressor would allow them to have longer gaps between unloading. but like, you could do ANYTHING. maybe most intergalactic packaging is made from products that can be burnt as a clean universal fuel or something ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

similarly i wanted my best raccoon boy to have access to fish. but since he’s a broke-ass bounty hunter 90% of the time, it’s gotta be something inexpensive/accessible (or stealable) - which means it’s probably a cheap export from a planet with a lot of water. Hello, Morag (and the resulting Moraggian moonfish). Sometimes I’ll reference something already canonical in connection to something I fuckin made up just to increase the sense that all these things interplay with each other (zargnut-crusted moonfish sold by a street vendor on conjunction).

Sometimes I do the opposite. I try to imagine what a product from a planet would look like. eg Indigarran beeswax. I thought, what would Indigar export? It’s this gorgeous planet with a cathedral/palace/place of devotion made of glass. if i - an aesthetique lol - had a glass cathedral, I’d want that shit lit up with candles. Can you imagine how gorgeous that would be? Glimmering everywhere. That’s how i spent too much time dreaming up Indigarran beeswax ceremonial candles for a throwaway line somewhere deep in Window I think ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I also figure because of Kree imperialism in this region of the galaxy, a lot of shit is probably Xandaran. Relatedly if it’s a product associated with wealth, I’ll use Xandar or Spartax (also Atraxia but I think I made that planet up lol). I’ll use Asgard occasionally too but less often because it’s supposed to be at the other end of the galaxy. So if I’m referencing a luxury item, it USUALLY comes from one of these places.

For writing Rocket. I think @aliasrocket recently wrote something about this and I agree with like, every flawless thing they said. I listen to a lot of Rocket clips. I try to hear each spoken line in my head in his voice. Some verbs will end in a hard -ing, and some in a soft hanging -in’. I might also use a conjunction (even if it’s not a “usual” conjunction). Sometimes I use something like a liaison in French (I don’t know if there’s a word for it in English, but I basically smush two words together). Moreover, I’ll go back through Rocket’s dialogue on reread and just make sure I don’t go more than like 1-3 sentences without some kind of word-softening. Some examples:

“What’re you laughin’ at me for?”

“Why d’you wanna do that?”

In third-person narration from Rocket’s perspective (non-dialogue) i still try to use these sporadically, but nowhere near as often because I am trying to separate narrative voice from speaking voice just a little.

I also try to consider rocket’s frame of reference for everything from his perspective. What does he know about because he’s seen it? Heard of it? How did he see or hear it? did he learn about it from a fellow prisoner in the Kyln? Someone he did a job for in Conjunction? An alien refugee on earth? Iron Man? Did he steal it? Make it? Buy it? Was it given to him and by whom and why? How trustworthy is his source? How trustworthy does he think they are?

…

OKAY. wow if you made it to the end of this novel you are IMPRESSIVE and I hope it was at least a little helpful. if you have any other questions I will be flattered and happy to answer them and I’ll try to less fuckin wordy. ♡

you are a gem & a blessing & I hope your fanfic-writing brings you JOY