#I dunno I have a lot kf feelings about the like

[downfallofi]

Forgive me, thought not complete, need more tags

[doubleddenden]

Today's beta content was heavy on the scrapped pokemon content for XY with some from BW and RS scratch pads.

However, the XY ones are astounding. I think anyone that's seen them on Twitter and keeps up with the beta content like I have will agree that these are literally the highest quality scrapped pokemon we've ever seen. Fully drawn and detailed- dunno about 3d models yet, there's still a lot left to find, but still- there's only a small handful, but they're all of incredible quality. Even concept art of Noibat is easy enough to see repurposed as a Future Paradox, I think.

Literally looking at some of them and all the other scrapped content for XY (they actually planned a rhyhorn racing mini game for example), and looking at how little we actually get for new pokedexes or what came after- we were robbed. Actually robbed.

Like yall there's a flamingo that serves cunt there. I think it's supposed to be beta Aromatise but it can be its own thing- it's what you think of when you think of an actual flamingo Pokemon. In gen 6. And look at fucking Flamigo in gen 9. Flamigo feels like a slap in the face looking at what we almost had. Like there's a downgrade and then there's THIS, man.

The others, especially the cassowary looking guy and peanut dinosaur guy, I need them so bad. Those are friends trapped in an alternative timeline.

Otherwise there's concept art for beta megas of the Kanto starters and Mewtwo. This was probably when they were getting a feel for what Mega Evolution was, during a time when they were considering it just a normal Evolution. Still, they look so ALIEN in such a cool and distinct way. Charizard Y has a gigachad chin, really pronounced bones and a tail that kinda has a furnace inside- it looked bulky, but the tail was sort of a thruster and it was almost more of a wyvern in some art. Venusaur ACTUALLY ALMOST LOOKED LIKE A FROG. Or toad. Whatever, the animal inspiration was actually clear. Blastoise is remarkably the least changed, but it's still a more bad ass take with a mustache sometimes. All 3 kind of resemble elders kf their species or mutations binded with something alien. I like the final results mind you, but god damn this is such a waste that we didn't get these somehow as Paradoxes or Bloodmoon type pokemon yknow? Like yeah Kanto pandering, but still, that's how cool they look to me.

The Mega Mewtwo concept is also really cool and I get why they're referred to as Mewthree and Mewfour in concept. One looks so fucking cool, like Mewtwo as a Xenomorph. The other is much closer go Y. Looking at this, I can certainly see how the alien plot theory could have happened and it would have made sense that Mewtwo went further because of it- yet there's no evidence of any alien plot line like that one theory posted way back. Not yet anyway. Mewtwo X is such a let down in comparison to Xenomorph Mewtwo imo.

Interestingly there does not seem to be any scrapped megas so far other than one who I won't say on the off chance it's added to ZA. Even in ORAS beta. Flygon isn't mentioned at all, which probably means it never even left the drawing table (or GF lied and it was simply never planned). God damn, art block hits like a bitch.

Regardless, this art is really incredible and I love the art style. I know Sugimori art is the series staple, but it would have been neat to try this for a bit imo.

I hope maybe more come up, but they've also started on Switch games, with Legends Arceus concept art and prototypes. For some reason Brock was their beta model, and there's concept art of Rei and Akari with slightly different hats and a slightly different Jubilife village. Otherwise there's not any Hisuian pokemon variants at this point, and it may have been planned to have the DP starters instead. Some pages seem like a pitch for it, and Legends Arceus is now a game far more important than most realize.

LA was pitched from the get go and it seems like they wanted to forgo DP remakes all together. The game was meant to be a foundation for how all future games in the franchise would grow and be a testing ground for a lot of new ideas to implement later on in the series, and to purposely draw in a different crowd than usual. I think that they accomplished that anyway, even if it's a bit unpolished graphics wise. Still, concept art for it's wilderness is incredibly detailed and gorgeous.

It'd be neat to find scrapped Pokemon for it, but I think there might not be much for it considering the type of game it is. There's a few fun mockup doodles of the Hisuian starters that make me laugh- literally ms paint type drawings of an angry bird, sassy hisuian Typhlosion, and an angry quadruped animal. Maybe they did want Hisuian starters, but concepts weren't made until they had a feel for the setting- which was originally envisioned 150 years ago instead of the proposed 200 fans made. Still, very close.

These betas keep giving, man. I don't even want ZA or Gen 10 leaks, I just wanna see more of this behind the scenes stuff. For concepts it's higher quality than most finalized artwork, and there's clearly a lot of detail that we don't ever get to see. It really puts into perspective how much effort goes into world building and Pokemon design behind the scene, and what's dumbed down for marketing.

[hypocrisyofandrewdobson]

One of my favourite Dobson comics is the one where he documents what went down at the 2009 new york comic con. Specifically, the guy who walks up to his booth, asks him if Formera Volume 2 is out and walks away after Dobson answers yes lmaooo The dude 100% was fucking with Dobson.

I read his journal entry about his three-day journey at the new york comic con 2009, and damn it is kind of sad. I don't want to say he has self-awareness about what a loser he is at selling himself and his stuff, it reads more like he's trying to get pity. How he describes the other sellers is like he blames them for being 'so aggressive selling their stuff' is the reason he didn't sell anything. "If they weren't here, I am sure I would have had better luck." is how the journal comes across.

And his mom and aunt buying a ton of copies to basically save him the humiliation of being one of the lowest sellers in the group is sad. His mom had to swoop in and save the day, thus coddling him further. She might not have bailed him out of every situation he got himself into but the times she did stand out as times she should have let him flounder. He said, "I'm happy it sold out but I also feel like I didn't earn it." Which is bullshit, he was probably elated he didn't have to suffer further humiliation at being the lowest seller, he'd take any victory, no matter how undeserving.

The comic(or at least, the first bit):

You can find the full comic here:

Alternately, you may be talking about the SYAC version:

And if anyone is interested, here’s the journal about Dobson’s trip to NYCC:

I dunno how much she coddled Dobson. Aside from and the one time she found him a freelance job(that he of course bitched about), there weren’t really a lot of moments that could be considered “coddling”. I mean, his parents made sure he wasn’t just starving out on the streets, but I’d like to think that any good parent would do something like that for their kids.

[shodansbabygirl]

idk i just think as leftists maybe we should not take dirt on someone from kiwifarms and the like at face value

[angelfireeast]

Caitlin Snow from another Earth?

So there is a theory going around that the Caitlin we seen in the trailer isn't Caitlin Snow from Earth 1. Based on the clothing, style, cold gun and 'expecting someone else's. 

I don't think we've ever seen Caitlin in a pair of jeans on the show but I could be forgetting some random time she wore them. My point is this is not her usual look. The tank top that shows off her pretty bra isn't her style either it’s more like Jesse’s style. The black nail polish with the choker & bracelet for jewelry is’t the style of Caitlin wears. Having cold mist and another Earth's Caitlin pop out would be a neat way to introduce her.

I'm excited about the theory for several different reasons. Since I’m excited about it means it’s likely a theory that is completely wrong like my theories lol. I like the theory because firstly, it sides steps my issues of Caitlin just being back on the team on all smiles after what she did to them in s3. That needs to be dealt with before she comes back on the team. I won’t keep ranting & harping on the subject but I’m still very upset about it. I kinda need a break from her everything that happened. A new Caitlin would be a breath of fresh air. It’d be nice to just enjoy Caitlin again without issues clouding things. A lot needs to happen before I think I’ll forgive, like or enjoy Caitlin again. So in the meanwhile, Caitlin’s doppelganger free of those issues is a relief for me and allow me to enjoy Caitlin again. I don’t want to dislike characters and not be happy when they on screen. I want to enjoy them and the story.

Secondly, Doppelganger Caitlin could bring much-needed lightness to things. Like I said she’d remove the baggage of s3. HR was the s3 answer to bringing lightness to the season and clearly, the writers failed to make season three light. That had nothing to with HR failing not making it light because over all it was a dark season with Flashpoint fall out & Iris’s would be death. I think that could actually work nicely if they brought in Caitlin’s doppelganger as someone more happy & carefree like Ophthalmologist Dr. Caitlin Snow from Flashpoint. If she’s a doctor or scientist who actually for fills the role Caitlin had on the team I think it could really work to bring in lighter feel for the season and leave room for Earth 1 CS/KF to come in later in the season. Or better yet work two Caitlin’s in at once having Doppelganger Caitlin on the team while E1 Caitlin has slow burn redemption story working/earning her way back to the team over half season (that would just be dream situation). I think pushing Caitlin quickly back onto the team in a rush job for 4x01 or 4x02 would fail the situation after such big things happened in s3.

Thirdly, new Caitlin new chance at much needed female friendship on the show! The writers utterly failed to anything with Caitlin & Iris even before the nightmare of s3 by dubbing them ‘work friends’ & not giving them anything more. After s3 I just can't if Caitlin as a friend to Iris. The writers would have to put in a heck of a lot of hard work & redemption to ever say the word Caitlin and friend in the same sentence as Iris. A new Caitlin is the second chance I’ve been waiting which I thought was lost forever after s3. They could be besties, girl pals, they hung out, be super tight, they COULD HAVE PROPER FRIENDSHIP! It’s all I want. That would also sort the Caitlin Snow wedding problem.*

*the wedding problem is that the writers will likely want to have Caitlin as a bridesmaid to Iris in the wedding party and there is absolutely no way in hell that Earth 1 Caitlin should ever be anywhere near Iris West wedding after what she did in season 3. Bringing in Doppelganger Caitlin starting a fresh clean relationship & having her form a close bond with Iris it would be a perfect way create a valid reason for a Caitlin to be in the wedding especially as bridesmaid. It’s like Jay is going to be there which makes it feel like Henry is there but it’s Henry you know? You get the FlashFam there but it makes more sense character & story was then why is the chick who tried to kill Iris & betrayed her last season her bridesmaid?  Frosty can go sit on groom’s side with Julian and not be involved in the bridal party if she has to be there. 

[barryallenis]

How long is Jess's igtv interview and what were some of your major takeaways from it? I am bit skeptical to watch, so I thought if I got an inkling of what you thought of it, maybe I will watch. I guess after 707, I have mixed feelings about her and Eric now. I know she cowrote it with a writer who wrote for Sleepy Hollow, which was a very problematic show behind the scenes, but I am still curious about the thought process into this. I've seen two different takes about them regarding the KF/police story arc. Tptb don't want to lose their white audience and forced them to center this story around KF to seem more like an anti meta arc despite the actress who plays her or since the tptb give showrunners like the All American one (a black woman) creative freedom, this is just Eric's own creative freedom that he mistakenly thought wouldn't be so tone deaf.

Hi there! Sorry, I only just got the chance to watch it myself actually! It’s ~30min.

To preface, I’m really not all that familiar with the individual writers and their specific work as I know others in the fandom are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that but, kind of as you said, I think it’s hard to make the distinctions between what story/narrative/creative decisions were made by whom. Of course writers hold responsibility, as does the showrunner ... but so do department heads, producers, executive producers, network executives, and the general environment of the entertainment industry. We as viewers don’t get a peak enough behind the curtain, in my opinion, to point super specific blame. And sometimes I think trying to pinpoint that person to blame gets us stuck in the weeds. Personally, I think it’s more powerful to push back on the problematic things we see than it is to try to find out who’s specific idea it was. Because, for one, it’s usually not on one person. And if it is, or if that one person keeps presenting ideas that we as viewers on a large scale say we dislike, it kind of becomes in the shows best interest to internally do something about it. Not saying it always happens, but I don’t see how trying to pinpoint a person to blame is any more helpful ya know? We just don’t, and likely wont ever know enough to make those assessments. All we can do it comment on the content we see, and listen to people like Jess talk about their personal experience and take from that what we can!    

I know some may disagree with me on this, and I totally respect their perspective, because I’m absolutely sure there are writers that tend to play more into problematic tropes or narratives than others. And I want those people out too. I think we just sometimes have to be careful with how much we presume to know about decisions being made all the time, is all.

All that being said, I would definitely say it’s worth the watch! Though I’m a total geek for the writing process and writing rooms, so I’m a sucker for these kinds of interviews in general. She doesn’t go into anything specific about show content though; nothing much about specific storylines or episodes. She mentioned 7x07 briefly but I think(?) this was filmed before it aired so, again, in a very vague way. So if that’s more what you’re looking for, just FYI, that’s not really touched upon.

However, I think she gives good insight around the general mindset of writers rooms, in general, and specifically on The Flash. I also think hearing it from her perspective as a black female writer and the first black female writer the show had (which again, truly astounding it took them 6 years to reach that feat) was really invaluable. She talks about her trajectory to in the industry and how she ultimately got hired. And she also gave her perspectives around diversity and its place within money driven Hollywood and how she personally tries to keep things in perspective working within the fucked up hell hole that is the entertainment industry (my words not hers lol). She mentioned a quote she refers too and I really liked and stuck with me, “change is a dial and not a light switch”. And I dunno (another preface: I say this as a white women) I found her mindset encouragingly optimistic. She know’s they’re not pleasing everyone at each episode, and she knows they’re still executing problematic stuff within the show, behind, and in front of the camera. But she mentions how they, and specifically Eric, are aware of these things, and are actively working to change things for the better ... but that they also couldn’t just rewrite and reproduce a 6 year old show, nor could they totally remove themselves from the Hollywood industry that fed all the worst parts of it.

I’m getting on a tangent here, a lot of this was my own interpretation, so I encourage you to watch the interview, if you get the chance, to take your own points from it!

[junionigiri]

chapter 211 ramble

dfkjsal;kfjaslkfjcaslk;efcl;sefjca;lskejvfawke;sljaekswl;fjsaelkj

in other words, an ode to Monoma and his love for Shinsou, and a reconsideration for IzuOcha

- M-m-m-mONOSHIN

- FIRST PAGE

- I ALMOST SHORT CIRCUITED BEFORE I EVEN STARTED READING THIS CHAPTER OMG

- lil grade school Monoma being told by people “you’ll never be a superhero with that kind of quirk” waaah they’re the same!

- Shinsou just admit it you and Monoma are similar!!! in that regard at least!!!

- Monoma just schooled everyone who hated him for his words in the last chapter lol. “We both have to be open to seeing all things in shades of grey.” “In order to become heroes we sometimes have to do things unbecoming of heroes”. Haha those are the very words that the Monoma Stans from All Over have been saying for the past few weeks

- so in other words -- he’s self aware that he Said Bad Thing but it’s necessary in doing good as a hero!!! he’s good you guys!!! he’s good very good!!! please understand him!!!

- I don’t understand what he means about “the hopes and dreams you had as a child become a burden, in fact a curse”. maybe it’s a scanlation thing... i can’t get the context. Is he saying that a person with a quirk like him can’t be a pure White hero like those who “can do anything?”

- cut to Deku spurting all the black shit from his arm omg. I think this is the moment where he finally, finally sees that Deku isn’t as White as he seems to be.

- goooSSSSHHHH this is such good Monoma character development!!!

- And the boy can parkour in those leather shoes!

- I love that Deku almost kills him with that black lightning and the first thing Monoma shouts is “Shinsou-kun!!!”

- of course lol. Well at the very least he’s being a decent human being (making sure that his teammate is ok), and at the most he’s WORRIED ABOUT HIS CRUSH

- still--Deku is seriously scary... I feel so bad for him, it looks like those things hurt and they’re powerful enough to actually kill someone!!!!

- Shinsou is just stunned staring at Deku!!! I dunno if it’s just a really bad case of chronic bithc face but his face looks odd when Deku is yelling at him that he’s out of control. He doesn’t look as scared as he could be

- A lot of people called it, and they were right -- All Might yelling at the other teachers to stop the fight. Hurry up guys before someone dies wtf

- I love, love, love all the cuts to Ochako’s face. She scared not of the lightning, but of what’s happening to Deku

- just as an aside, IzuOcha isn’t my OTP because not a lot has happened to Ochako’s character ever since she realized that she has feelings for Deku apart from being jealous of Hatsume’s boobs

- but this... this is really good... without any regard of what can happen to her if she messes up, she just leaps to Deku to help him!!!

- that’s my girl!!!

- I love how brave she is!!! This is the same Ochako I loved at the start of the series, who is willing to help Izuku beyond her romantic feelings for him! And she’s calling out to Shinsou too! She has a plan in her head!!! She’s finally showing some gumption!!! You go Ochako!!!

- I feel like she’s going to ask Shinsou to brainwash Deku so that his quirk will shut off. Well that’s the only logical reason I can think of for her to call for Shinsou

- I love Shinsou’s look at the last bit. Like “damn wtf man I just wanna get to the hero course i ain’t sign up for this shit’ --- although in retrospect yeah you signed up for this Shinsou

- Gosh!!! I feel like this is how he’s going to showcase his bravery to the stafff!!!!! I hope he does well next week!!!!

- and i gotta add--gosh wtf Deku. I don’t know where to begin expressing my sorrow for this boy. all he has wanted from the start is to be a hero. I suppose the funny thing about all this is he, Monoma, and Shinsou are similar because they’ve been told as very small children that they can’t be heroes and now they’re facing each other proving to each other that they can be heroes

- .... but.... Deku malfunctions and now all his efforts might be all for nothing T_T ommmgggg.

Gosh I am so jflsakdjfslKDFJl;kf with this chapter I can’t even--let me express it in my mother tongue (you can ignore this part):

putang ina mo horikoshi. yung pinagipunan kong laksa singapura sa mr. ube hindi ko masyadong nalasahan dahil sa ginawa mo this week pota. alam mo ba kung magkano yun??? hindi siya mura besh tapos parang mainit na tubig lang ang lasa niya kumpara sa tamis ng pag-ibig ni monoma para kay shinsou putang ina sobrang saya ko. gago ka talaga hori hindi ko to inexpect hanggang sa pag-uwi ko sa grabshare ngumingiti akong mag-isa parang gago lang

joke lang besh mahal kita hori please keep writing monoshin!!!

at huwag mo naman patayin mga anak ko susmaryosep

i’ll probably rant more about this later hahahah oh my gosh im nervous but at the smae time so happy about THIS

[violixs]

mae you truly are the sweetest person on earth 😕 i’m hoping your efforts pay off in the end too !! hoping it gets all the notes on tumbler heh i’m determined to reblog it as many times as it takes to get the attention it deserves !! ahh i would love to know some resources ! it’s kinda overwhelming to know where to start after getting better at hangul.. wind. a hairs worst enemy i swear. i personally have bangs and when wind comes it’s just … bad. now that i think about it i’m gonna have to hairspray my bangs down at my sisters wedding like when kids from blackpink dances and her bangs don’t move heh .. i’m so glad it went well i’m always forgetting online assignments it just slips past the to do list in my mind !! yay the holiday !! hoping u gets lots of rest and all the time to do whatever u want !! ahh the stereotype fance it’s so cute i bet u look super cute dancing esp at sieuns parts heh .. my day was good !! i’m not allowed to order stuff online so my friend always orders my skz stuff for me and i pay her back in person so she handed me my skz hyunjin jewl case today !! i’m so exited to unbox it but i also forgot it in math class at my teachers desk but ik shell keep it safe she giggled when i said it’s my kpop stuff.. but we had a math quiz today and it was challenging… a lot of people didn’t get to finish or were super confused but i redid all my past hw to study for it so i kinda got it?? i’m just nervous for grades aghh but in science we started a project and we got to partner up with our friend of choice whcih was super fun but also my spotify premium has ended today and i’ve been sulking.. a very emotional rollarcoaster day if i do say so myself ! but it’s weird cause it’s playing my playlist in order without shuffling..? and the shuffle button has disappeared so it’s been repeating all kf blackpink s discography out of like 900 songs but i’m not complaining??? but yesterday a girl on my bus i noticef she had a photocard of jaemin in her phone case so i decided to tap her shoulder and start a convo..i dunno where my sudden boldness came from but turns out she’s the sweetest nctzen that’s yuta biased ahh !! keke my ask is super long too but one last thing !! that jeongin drabble was so cute omg esp the detail of him knowing the difference between not wanting to talk and having a bad day ! the night and morning time HIS JOURNAL ! just everything is well written keke it makes u soft when u read it .. but also i’ve been wondering how you read y/n.. i’ve found out some people read it likr the alphabet just y & n and most insert their real name but IDKSKIXIDJS i read it as “ you know “ maybe this is the i know you know lee know effect LFKKE but i feel like i read the fics on tumbler as a story that i’m viewing from an outside? like i visualize a person in my head and insert her as y/n and i’m just watching the story play out ?? IDEK IFTHAT MAKES SENSE ITS JUST BEEN ON MY MIND like y/n is another person in my mind that’s not myself but i’m watching IDEKDIXHHS

omg bangs… i used to have them and that was a HUGE mistake because unfortunately! they’re not made for everyone🫠 however i’m sure u look really cute even with the wind as ur number one enemy. holiday for me has officially started! i got lots of sweets off of teachers and my friends mum bought us all mcdonald’s when she drove us home and :( i love them sm they’re all so sweet !!!

omg the jewel case how exciting… ur friend sounds so sweet too ㅠㅠ i would luv to see ur pulls when u get it back heheh ur teacher sounds so lovely too </3 but i’m sure u did better than expected on the maths quiz! you obviously worked very hard on it and just bc lots of others found it hard doesn’t mean you did bad too 😠 but i rlly hope ur hard work pays off and i’m sure it will!! so don’t worry too much

AND OMG jaem pc i’m jealous of her but like??? so bold of u i wish i had the confidence?? in pe i saw someone with a bokkari and skz stickers on their water bottle and i did not have the confidence to speak to them </3 i wish i did tho bc… if they’re felix biased and a skz fan we could’ve been bffs hello </3 BUT SHES YUTA BIASED AHHH ME TOO i hope she somehow magically persuades u too so i can spam him because… yuta <3 is just so <3 lovely <3

i’m glad u liked the jeongin drabble ㅠㅠ it was a little depressing but i thought the writing was pretty nice… and also i read it as my name but i don’t imagine it as me??? like i find it awkward to read it as anything else bc it sounds weird but in my head i’m viewing it from a completely different pov and i am definitely not the person who y/n is?? i guess y/n rlly is just a customisable oc who changes for every person… but overall i agree w u HSHDH

and finally for korean recourses!!! i didn’t forget

biggest and easiest one i recommend for after hangul is ttmik! it has a free course with 10 different secretions (each 30 lessons or there abts) and it gives you ALL you need. if u feel like paying for premium you get listening practice as well as revision help and access to ALL their other courses! they even have speaking ones now! it’s my fav recourse to use personally bc premium isn’t much but it offers lots, and even if you don’t want to pay you still get lots of free help and support (even through their youtube channel—there is lots of help there too!)

analysing lyrics/kdrama sentences/any text in korean is really useful, especially if it’s from a song or show you like! you can get a feel of both sentence structure (more so in k-show scripts) and a lot of new vocab too. if there’s grammar you don’t know then you can just focus on vocab and which is easy enough to pick out and learning that is a huge help for expanding vocabulary. same w webtoons!! you can download the korean webtoon app and pick one to analyse or one with easier vocab (true beauty is pretty good esp if you’ve read it in english!)

quizlet is a life saver for learning vocab and memorising grammar structures and it’s so easy to type in if you just add the korean keyboard to your phone! also naver dictionary is really useful and has all the topic vocab, tasks to help you learn basic conversational korean and even examples of vocab from vlives! that is basically all of the recourses i use, but the biggest tip i guess would just be to make sure you learn vocab just as fast as grammar? bc i slightly neglected vocab and now i am making up lost time :,) a lot of the time even without fully understanding the grammar you can get a general gist of a conversation if you know the words used, so try and get as much vocab in as possible! ttmik will help with that but there are also just vocab lists you can add on google and search for too <3

[rarestnicole]

I know I that I should stop typing my thoughts at 3 AM 'cause I always end up sleeping at 5 AM. Well, I dunno. The senseful things come to me at this hour eh. LOL. And hey, it's just 2:32 AM, I still have time to type before 3 AM. So, I should start.

I was tagged in a post of my dear friend, Marry Joy. It was actually a shared post, tapos t-in-ag niya ako. And guess what? Ah, whatever. Even if you don't guess, I'd still type it anyway--whatever. Three letters; U, P, K. Yep!

Hay.

Her caption. Well, that's true. We dreamed of being a UP student. Hahaha. Ang sarap kayang mangarap! Ang hirap lang talaga tuparin. Well, as for me, I had chances that I chose to ignore. Alam ko kasi that it may not be what God is planning for me. My tries might be futile kasi all along, hindi ako para doon. Sa school, ha. Pero Lord, sa taga-UP, pwede po ba? Hahaha. Eeey, Anne Nicole, this one's not for that. Focus kasi, saan saan ka naman nakakarating ulit eh. Tsk.

So, UPK.

*sigh*

Amazing.

Hanggang ngayon, amazed pa rin ako. Wth, right? Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala. LOL.

Tiningnan ko 'yong mga notes ko sa Google Keep ko nung July 2017. Hahahaha. Ah, inabangan ko pala at tinandaan ang mga names nila. MALAMANG, mga Kuya at Ate eh. Magandang experience kasi kaya tatandaan ko talaga. Hahahahaha. Weird lang eh. Puro mga names lang ng mga Kuya ang nilagay ko sa Keep.

"Ewan ko sa'yo."

Ewan ko talaga sa'kin. Hahaha. Ang pinunta ko naman talaga doon is to experience that KF kasi hindi nga ako madalas payagan ni Mommy na sumama sa mga ganun. Ewan ko ba pero hindi naman ako prinsesa, ayaw lang talaga niyang mawalay ako sa piling niya ng napakatagal. Aaaawww, you Mommy, ha! You! Jeez, Mom. HAHAHA. Joke lang. Hindi rin talaga ako interested masiyado. March 2017, may SSG Training kami dapat. I wanted to go, ayaw lang ni Mommy. But I just shrugged and agreed. Okay lang, nakapag-SPG Training naman na 'ko sa Looc nung grade 6 ako. And Representative lang naman ako, kaya na nilang itayo ang bandera ng Sta. Fe doon. Haha. And nalaman ko sa pag-uwi nila na may ginawa silang kahihiyan dun. Hahahaha. Yikes, if I was there, hindi ako masasali kasi hindi naman ako lumalabas ng kwarto. Haha. Kinausap daw ng teacher na kasama ng officers ng SFNHS ang mga students ng ibang school ng lasing. Sir, ilam sa imo. Gosh, 'yong mga sinabi naman ni Sir eh. 😂 No regrets about my decision.

Sa UPK, iba eh. Mom, I should go. Pinapatugtog ko pa nun lagi ang mga kanta ni Mandy Moore kaya kapag pinapakinggan ko ngayon ang Someday We'll Know, feeling ko nandoon ulit ako while wearing a pair of jogging pants kasi I didn't bring any shorts. No way in hell.

Tapos nagsimula na pala ang Day 1.

KA. LO. KA. Naalala ko ang about sa jokes. Damn, hindi ko alam kung tatawanan ko na lang ba tapos pilit ko na lang itatago ang pag-cringe ko dahil sa poor delivery o kakaawan ko kasi, "Fre naman! Umupo ka na lang sana at nanahimik tulad ko," o 'di naman kaya ay hahanga sa guts niya. Well, Nyx, at least they have the guts. Duh! Waley pa rin. Hiyang hiyang hiyang hiya na talaga ako nung may nag-entry galing sa school namin tapos 'yong teacher namin, pinipilit kaming suportahan. Okay, I understand naman na schoolmate eh kaya dapat suportahan. Pero SIR, kung hindi ako natawa sa joke, pwedeng manahimik na lang ako. Baka masamid pa ako sa fake laugh. Damn, I did well when I sticked to my principles. May kumanta pa! Gusto ko 'yong guts ni koya pero ang lyrics, no-no. He sang something so popular na kahit hindi ko pakinggan from my phone araw araw ay masasaulo ko because it's played every freaking where. And sorry kung I sound like a proud jerk at ang OA ko naman kasi kailangan talagang ganito, but saulo ko na ang song and its sharps and flats.kaya ang disturbing lang kapag hindi niya nahi-hit ang note. When you sing a song, 'yong bagay dapat sa boses mo. Hindi lang 'yong popular, 'yan ang natutunan ko through my experiences. Haha. Whatever. Pa-cute pa ng pa-cute sa stage. Yikes, thank God hindi ako naa-attract sa itsura lang. I'd leave my body and wander as a soul if ganun. Haha. Kidding.

Ah, maja. The hosts. Magagaling sila, the best. HAHAHA. Magagaling magsalita. Aaaw, 🎶 take me back, back, back 🎶. They're cool. May kamukha ang isa eh. Hmm, tsk tsk. He looks like someone that I might end up with in the future. HAHAHA. Ano ba 'to. And this, self, is the very reason why you should type your thoughts at night and not during the *dawn*. Tulog na lang nga ako. 😂 Dami kong alam eh. Pagalitan pa ako nun, patay na. Bye, bye, Anne Nicole na naman. Tss. Nakaka-trauma kaya mapagsabihan ng taong gusto mo. Feeling ko tuloy kailangan ko muna maging perfect para hindi na ako magkamali. Huhuhu. You're so uptight, eh ang chill ko pa naman din. Pwedeng chill ka lang rin? Tssssss! I want to talk to you pa naman. TSS!

I wish I could stop... but I just couldn't. Charot. I'll stop.

I'll stop talking and continue with what happened. Matitinong mga pangyayari.

Wait lang.

Nakalimutan ko na ang mga matinong nangyari. :>

Ah. Nagka-crush ko doon eh. (#AngTino) The f. (Tingnan mo 'tong gusto rawng matuto pero crush ang pinagtuunan ng pansin. Wala talagang hiya.) So ayun nga, first night yata 'yon? Eh magbabasa nga kasi sila ng notes from us. Eh ang supportive ng mga schoolmates ko, wooh, cheers for the best pals in school! Yeah. Char. Edi nagsulat din ako. Hahahaha. Sila nag-provide (yata) ng masusulatan at panulat, sila rin ang nagbigay, pero ako ang nagsulat. Thank God, sa maayos ko pong penmanship. Nabasa naman. Pagkatapos nilang ibigay, humiga na ako sa kinauupuan ko para makinig... while recording it sa phone ko. Eh, crush ko nga kasi at babasahin ang note ko! Ba't ba kasiiii?! Kailangan kasi ng remembrance eh! Proof pa para maalala ko na nangyari nga at hindi ilusyon! At bakit ba! Binabasa. Kasi. Ang. Note. Ko. Why baaa? Twice yata akong nagbigay eh. (Walangya ka talaga, akala ko ba UP ang ipinunta? Ba't biglang naging 'taga-UP'?) Daw buang gid takon kato. Pero kalma kalma lang, baka tumaas ang energy ko bigla at lakarin ko pauwi ang Santa Fe. Kalma lang, ayaw ko pa umuwi.

Eh dahil crush ko nga, syempre tinitingnan ko. (Bwisit ko talaga, Salvador.) Hahahaha. Nakakahiyang nilalang. Papa, Mama at Mommy, hindi niyo po alam ito dahil dapat lang naman talaga, ayaw kong matakwil 'no. Hapon ng second day, nakikinig ako sa speaker nang bigla akong hipan ni Hypnos at antukin. Alipin pa naman ako ng antok ko. Haha. At kasi, nakakahiya namang humiga doon habang nagsasalita, (wait, parang mas nakakahiya ang pag-alis namin habang may nagsasalita. Pero malay naman nila, baka nakinig kami mula sa kwarto kaysa naman makita talaga nilang natutulog ako.) Natulog po ako sa room namin. Hanggang alas cinco. Yes, I missed a lot at nagsisi naman ako nung nalaman ko kung ano. SAYANG NAMAN, SALVADOR. Hindi ka na sana gumising. Tssss!!! Eh photo collage contest na, I have to watch. Nakakahiya naman na natulog lang ako, so naisip kong suportahan na ang mga ka-batch ko at ibang besties: sina Rene, Apple, Jarene, Danielle at Marvin yata. Can't remember na. Pumunta ako sa room kung saan sila gumagawa AND TO MY GREAT SURPRISE, nandoon ang crush ko. Edi hindi na ako umalis? Yep, maliban na lang nung inutusan kami dalawa ni Aaron, siya kasi kasa-kasama ko nun. Mabuti at naligo ako pagkagising ko. Amazeballs, galing mo Nyx. Iyan ang gusto ko sa'yo; kapag mukha kang ewan ay naliligo ka. At mabuti na lang at nagpalit ako ng damit dahil naka-white top ako na off shoulder, eh umuulan at hindi yata ako naka-high waist pants. (Push mo 'yan.) So nagpalit ako.

Ang creepy ko kaya magka-crush! Hahahaha. Kapag gusto ko, gusto ko talaga. Nakakahiya. Syempre nga kasi aalis naman kami agad, at hindi ko na ulit makikita ang crush ko (huhu, bye my darling dear, charot hahaha), at hindi kasi nanuod ang ibang schoolmates ko sa games nung 2nd night, kaya ni-record ko na lang. Ah, I'm such a thoughtful schoolmate. Dapat in-award-an ako niyan nung graduation eh. Tss, hindi marunong mag-appreciate. Anyway, nag-video nga ako pero 'yong sakto lang. Hindi naman siguro nahalata ng mga sumasayaw sa stage na vi-nideohan ko sila, ano? Pakialam ba nila, eh todo sayaw na sila ng Gimme Gimme, kawawa naman ang stage. Feeling ko na-harass dahil sa moves nila. Gosh, my innocence.

Ang dami ko kayang remembrance noon.

Kaso binura ko na eh. :‹ (bitter mo kasi)

Okay lang.

Nilipat ko naman kasi sa flash drive kaya binura ko sa phone. Heller! Sayang ang effort ko nun 'no! Tapos, ide-delete ko lang? Oh my gosh, no. 😂 Nilipat ko kasi lahat sa flash drive kaya binura ko na sa phone memory.

So I stalked my crush nung bumalik na kami sa room. The f, ang bagal ng internet sa Odiongan nun, gusto ko nang umuwi para lang mag-Facebook. Free data na 'yon ha, kasi nga ang bagal rin kahit may data. Hala freeeeee! I found it. His account. Oh my god, I'm so brilliant. #ProudMoment07'17 My gooooooooods, engineering ang course. Aaaw, magaling sa Math. Zero balance pa naman ako sa Math. (Kidding! Medyo mabilis naman ako mag-compute ng addition at subtraction at multiplication at division mentally. Hehe. Oo, proud na ako dun kasi why not? Eh sa 'yon na ang best ko eh. Ba't ba. Haha. Sa lahi daw ng Asis ang magaling sa Math, kaso dahil sa apo na ako, medyo malayo na sa Asis kaya ang mga basic lang ang kaya ko.) Wow lang, bakit ka po Engineering? Huhuhu. Wala kang kaalam-alam pero pinagpipiyestahan ko na ang infos mo sa Facebook at tuwang tuwa pa ako. (katakot 'to) I was like, "Wow." (wow, hindi jeje HAHAHAHAHA hindi naman siya mukhang ganun pero kasi 'di ba, Hey Stephen, Taylor knows that looks can be deceiving but she thinks she saw a light in you.)

Ah, ilang beses ba akong nagpa-picture? HAHAHAHAHA. I'm so humiliating. Eh kasi naman, remembrance kasi fre eh.

Kailan nga kami umuwi? July 24 yata. Since that day, nagkaroon na ng password ang cellphone ko. Hahahaha. At, sobrang low ng brightness, feeling ko wala na akong nakita sa phone. 😂 Whatever. May nabasa kasi ako noon sa Wattpad na one shot ni ate Rayne Mariano eh. 15 Days. Yep. Naniwala ako doon. Hahaha. Eh kasi bata pa ako noon, mga 17. Hahaha. Whatever.

Hindi na natanggal ang password ko ever since that day. Wala naman talaga akong tinatago sa phone ko. 15 days ko lang naman sana ilalagay ang lock. Kaso nakita naman agad nila ang tinatago ko kaya I shrugged the idea off na lang. Bahala na nga, yago ran basi gani nagpinati takon man. Hay nako.

Hala, parang nainis pa nga nun 'yong crush ko kasi, ba't ba 'ko pa-picture ng pa-picture?! Mukha lang akong tanga. Whatever, wala kang alam. Hmp. 😂 Ay, suplado. HAHAHA. Kuya, don't be mad na. I just want a remembrance kasi. You don't know me naman kaya mainis ka lang, you still look cute anyway. Go lang. Hahaha. Doon sa remembrance, mukha akong tanga. I don't like my smile talaga, ugh. I look stupid. Kuya, don't be mad na, you won't see me again (you wish). Kuya... this is the last day. Huhuhu. Pagbigyan mo na 'ko. Ayaw ko pa umuwi nun. :3 Seyeng.

I think I'm pretty blessed. He read my notes, pinayagan niya akong magpa-picture sa kanya, may empty chairs sa malapit sa table nila na feeling ko, sinadya ni Lord. You po Lord haaa~. Hmm. 😂

So patalon-talon akong pumunta sa harap ng kwarto namin para sumakay sa jeep 'cause we're going home. :{ Hindi matanggal ang ngiti ko pauwi. HAHAHAHAHA. Tapos biglang, sino nga ulit si JP Caras? 😂

Nung umuwi na kami :‹, nag-internet agad ako. Hooοh, feeling ko napagkaitan ako ng rights to open my social media accounts at ng chance to, um... hehe, stalk. Like hello! Why naman, Odiongan? So, Facebook, Twitter at Instagram. Yes, stalker mode. Yuck, creepy. (ikr, but idc :›) Hindi lang naman kasi siya ang stinalk ko. Some Ates and Kuyas, tiningnan ko lang naman eh. :3 Sa totoo lang, hindi naman ako ganun ka-active sa Twitter eh. Minsan lang, nakakalimutan ko kasi na may account ako at ang password ko. Trivia: Tuwing bubuksan ko ang accounts ko, nagpapalit ako ng password. Haha. I am no Mnemosyne's daughter, alright? She must've hated me. :< Grabe naman po ang nangyari sa memory ko. Huhu.

Tutuloy ko 'to bukas dahil mag-aalas cuatro na. 3:47 AM, ‹061618›

Tsk. I won't edit this. :p

ΔItinuloy noong ika-27 ng Hunyo, taong 2018, 14:41Δ

Yep, ngayon ko lang naituloy. Hahaha.

Hindi nga ako ganun ka-active sa Twitter pero kapag nandun ako, tweet talaga ako ng tweet. Kahit ano ang nasa isip ko, tweet. I like typing my thoughts nga 'di ba, at wala naman talagang nagpi-pay ng attention sa kung anu-anong itu-tweet ko kaya pakawala talaga ako doon. Haha. Sana naman wala akong masamang sinabi sa kung sino doon. Hindi ko na kasi maalala tweets ko eh. Hahaha.

Hala, paano ko nga ulit nalaman kung may Twitter siya? Hahaha. I can't remembeeeer. Basta hinanap ko yata silang lahat (yata ulit). And I found his. Waaah~ He's so admirable. Huhuhu. I don't like the color of his shirt sa DP niya noon pero okay lang. Hahahaha. Stalker much? Ang pangit ng stalker. Tss. Fan na lang kaya? Fan? HAHA. Para kang tanga, Nyx. Go pa. 😂 what! ever!

Syempre f-in-ollow ko na. Okay lang, hindi naman niya ako kilala. Imposible, sabi ko pa. In-add ko sa Facebook kasi gusto ko lang naman siyang maging friend kahit sa FB lang at hindi naman ako harmful. Hahahaha. Naisip ko nga noon na baka hindi naman niya ia-accept, pero okay lang ica-cancel ko na lang after a week. 😂 Pero hindi ko na f-in-ollow sa Instagram, baka naman makahalata siya. Nung in-accept na niya ang FR ko sa FB, rejoice! Rejoice ng lantaran sa harap ng mga pamangkin. Bahala kayo diyan, eh sa masaya ako eh. Tss.

But...

Shems ang posts kooooo!

Too late.

Stupid as ever.

Pero sige na nga lang! He don't know me anyway!

Tapos 'Hi' pa 'ko ng 'Hi' sa Twitter kasi nga hindi naman niya mababasa.

Eh nag-followback siya.

I so hate you for being so shameless, Anne Nicole.

Pero hindi ako nagsisi... muntik lang.

Hahahaha.

Isang decision lang ang p-in-ush ko kay Mommy ha. Wala naman akong alam sa mga susunod na mangyayari. Pero that was the best decision ever!

No regrets.

[revy-likes-punk]

I’m a few hours into The Evil Within 2.  I’m on the way to the Theater in town after finding Sykes.  I gotta say The Evil Within 1 was more enjoyable for me.  I mean I’m still pretty early in, but TEW1 was way more inspired and thought-through.  Lemme run it all down:

TEW2′s improvements to gunplay and movement along with really good visuals are nice, but that’s kind of it.  I feel like the Phantom-Pain esque open world is really harmful to the horror feeling, it’s not very scary when I can just go fucking anywhere and am unbound by any mortal wall.  I feel like developers think that linearity is a black/white issue; either you’re super-linear, or balls out open world.  You can have a game be linear and still have exploration be a factor.  TEW1 wasn’t quite that, but you still could explore places to find shit like keys, or map pieces and other collectibles.  TEW2′s open world becomes a sensory overload and I just wanna play the main story quests so I can get through it all.  The design of Sebastian’s saferoom is interesting for sure, being his office at the KCPD but compared to the saferoom of TEW1 it pales.  TEW1′s saferoom was constantly changing, from newspaper articles related to character revelations appearing, to occasional creepy things happening that alter the environment.  Tatiana was meant to have an air of weirdness about her but it wasn’t overblown.  She rarely talked and she didn’t 100% have a feeling of knowing everything that was going on.  In TEW2 she talks way too much and seems to know more than she should.  TEW1′s saferoom created an interesting contrast; “safe” by Ruvik’s definition wasn’t very safe by our standards.  It was a place of safety in your mind where you couldn’t be physically harmed.  But it still felt creepy and you didn’t feel totally safe.  TEW2′s saferoom is too cozy, there’s a cat (yes I know that’s a callback to Juli’s DLCs in TEW1) and the only changing aspects are a corkboard in Sebastian’s room and a slide projector you can access with some dialogue.  There’s the upgrade chair from TEW1 that returns, only it looks like a regular chair, and returns to looking like it offscreen when you get up from it using the magic of camera angles (I actually like that a lot).  The upgrade tree is sort of nice but arbitrarily requiring a special item to progress further (Red Gel or High grade weapons parts) is honestly kind of dumb.  Just make higher upgrades cost more, for fuck’s sake.

TEW1′s setting I felt was way better.  Sure, a lot of people can argue that mental facilities are overused in horror, me included, but I still like them a lot as a setting; it’s why I liked Silent Hill and Outlast so much.  It’s not entirely to demonize the mentally ill; it’s because mental hospitals can very often become a place where people prey upon the mentally ill, as One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and any recollection of early 1900′s asylums can teach us.  I would know, I live near one that’s kind of become an urbex hotspot because of its creepiness.  Outlast and TEW1 were examples where the focus was more on people doing fucked up stuff in the asylum.  It was a scary place, and the Jacob’s Ladder overtones of all the main cast going fucking nuts and nothing being 100% real was really creepy and off-putting.

TEW2′s setting feels like the initial intent was to tap in on some Stephen King stuff; a northeast american rural town, bad paranormal shit happening, the Haunted everywhere brings “Cell” to mind.  But beyond that, they don’t really go all in with it.  The designs of the Haunted are just not as varied as the first game; the first had Haunted that had barbed wire wrapped around them, a weird skin infection with boils, some were impaled, some were invisible and had a strange Cthulu look to them.  Some even had two heads and a KF Patriarch-ish chest tentacle; and on top of that there fat variants of these, and on top of that there were masked variants which were shown to be smarter, more tactile, and tougher, as they could duck and dodge shots better, they avoided traps and they could use firearms as opposed to the rest of the Haunted just using melee weapons.  Here, they all have the same base design; glowing eyes, weird boils and fucked up skin.  There’s like one extra variant that calls Left 4 Dead’s witch to mind; a feminine one that walks around cradling a kitchen knife, croaking all the way like a Clicker from The Last of Us, and it takes two “sneak kill” animations to kill.  And yeah, I know the comparisons to The Last of Us are a bit overdone considering The Evil Within as a whole is just The Last of Us with Japanese horror enveloping it.

The boss monsters all feel very basic; they all seem inspired by the Yurei of Japanese folklore (damn, that’s never been done before) with their long black hair and feminine bodies (even the rescue team’s psychologist Yukiko Hoffman looks like Samara with a medic BDU on).  Most of them boil down to a basic formula; “Woman’s body + ____”.  Woman’s body + a camera.  Woman’s body + more woman’s bodies + a buzzsaw.  Woman’s body + more woman’s bodies + MORE WOMAN’S BODIES.  Compare this to bosses from the first game; while not being the most unique, they at least were better than a bunch of half-baked variations on Kayako.  We had The Keeper, who was basically Sebastian’s Pyramid Head but with a more heavy-handed (ha) symbolism behind him.  We had Amalgam, which was a bunch of bodies together in a hideous mass of flesh, and that KF-Patriarch tentacle.  Laura was pretty much the only Yurei variant, and she was a spider-ish lady that had a bad weakness to fire.  Heresy was another spider creature with gross tubings and a maggot infested stomach.  Quell was a weird squid thingy, and Shigyo was this weird-ass water monster with the game’s characteristic SAW-esque metal head fixtures.  In fact, TEW1 had quite a bit of its aesthetic owed to SAW.  From Juli Kidman’s water enclosure and The Keeper, that both call back to Saw V, to the excess of tiled flooring and metal in places it shouldn’t be on people.  But it was fairly consistent for a Japanese twist on American horror.  While a lot of the monster’s symbolism and importance to Ruvik got kind of heavy-handed, it at least was there.  And it felt inspired to some degree.  TEW2 just feels all over the place.

Let’s talk about story.  Mobius is dumb.  They are dumber than dumb, a secret society pulling strings is not interesting, they are just annoying.  Ruvik should’ve been the sole antagonist of TEW1, having this added layer of dumb extra shit was unnecessary.  I feel like it wasn’t the best progression for Sebastian’s character, as well.  When a character has trauma that fucks with them and hampers their progress psychologically, it feels weird for your story’s progression to completely justify their paranoia about their kid’s death, then completely undo it by telling them the kid is still alive.  Juli and Castellanos feel like different people as well.  Stefano is another villain that is pretty uncompelling.  At the start he had plenty potential.  A lunatic, whose gimmick is art; he uses photographs to freeze his murder victims in time, a perpetual loop of being shot/stabbed/cut over and over again.  But as you get deeper in, he just gets fucking stupid.  Like oh, his background is “Oh no he photographed a dude getting blown up and got injured and now he liked to make snuff photography I guess.”  Come on, man.  Ruvik wasn’t the most interesting man in the world. he was an Alex Mercer-lookin’ dude with some weird and dumb justification but he at least had semi-understandable anger and some actual background.

Maybe I’m being harsh, I dunno.  I’m still playing TEW2 and enjoying it to an extent.  I just kinda find it a bit underwhelming compared to TEW1.  That’s all.

[aurimeanswind]

Ravenously Impatient—Sunday Chats (5-7-17)

A weird week, a chill day, a couple of beers, and some Sunday Chats. Let’s get started, eh?

Visiting

This weekend friend and confidant Brandt Ranj came in from out of town, and it’s been a pleasure to be able to spend an extra day than usual with my tall bestie from Eastern Europe.

Brandt is the kind of guy that just oozes some amount of wisdom that you can always use, while simultaneously bouncing off in-jokes about specific things you and you alone love, going on esoteric diatribes, and spreading good will with a lovingly joking layer of cynicism and humor. He both reminds me a lot of myself, but is someone I deeply look up to. Whether I need to talk about my latest travesties in my love life, how insecure I am about everything, how I want to travel more, or how to better myself, challenge myself, and explore the things I love and hate, both in conversation and ideology, he is kind of there to guide me along.

He’s from Croatia, and this past visit I asked him why, with the power to move to another place he loves, another country away from some of the many issues him and I discuss often that plague America, that he stays here in the United States. His answer was lengthy, apology-ridden and esoteric, much like any that I’m sure I would come up with, but what it ultimately came down to was a metaphor that I quite liked: it comes down to choosing between a patient with cancer or one running from a wild boar. Both have issues, but by recognizing the privilege one has provided, you get to explore many different things and opportunities that the other may not leave for you. I just really loved that answer.

Anytime I hang out with Brandt I constantly realize my insecurities in apparent regard, and have an insatiable need and want to travel more, specifically out of the country. Brandt makes me a better person who challenges himself more, and he’s a helluva guy to spend a weekend with, and for that I’m ever grateful.

The Ups and Downs

It’s another one of those weeks where I have to push back hard against the depression in my head. I wrote about it a while ago, but as a refresher, the toughest thing I face, and it may be me blaming my depression for something it isn't at fault for, it may just be my sheer immaturity, or it may just be me, but it’s that overwhelming sense of insecurity. In my head, and this past week has been a bit of a bigger problem, it isn’t always like this, but it’s that constant feeling of sending a message, waiting for a response, and feeling the self-made dread in the gulf between.

From sending out a tweet, a DM, posting something to a snapchat story, or waiting for a friend to respond to an iMessage, there is just the crippling insecurity that comes with the wait or the fear that I did something wrong or incorrect. I’ll tell ya, you start to feel like everyone hates you after a while, of course only in your own head, and I am infamous to myself for getting into moods like this. Spending time with Brandt, having the week off from being on the podcast, being a bit alone, either went a way to help or went a way to hurt, but it’s something I aspire to better about myself.

And note this, since it needs to be said: this isn’t a blame game to anyone who has messaged or tweeted me in the last week, nor is it a call to action for all of my wonderful friends and readers to message me and let me know that they don’t mean to cause this anxiety out there. Each week I write these Sunday Chats and try and be whole, honest, and out there, to create that bond with everyone who reads it. I get so many amazing and couragous questions each week, talking about folks’ own insecurities and asking for advice and help. This isn't me asking for help, but merely completing my half of that handshake, and telling you that hey: I deal with my own stuff too.

I’m lucky enough that I’ve surrounded myself with amazing friends who I love and maybe deal with similar thoughts and feelings. So I’m gonna keep working on being better, and I hope me sharing this piece of my head that’s always racking around helped you reading too. All the love.

As a brief aside: vertigo still sucks.

What I’ve Been Working On

4/30 - Sunday Chats

5/1 - Persona 5 Critique

5/2 - Unannounced Alex Talks script

5/3 - The “Run” Games blog post

5/4 - Persona 5 Critique

5/5 - Persona 5 Critique

5/6 - Persona 5 Critique - finished

Clearly there has been one big thing I’ve been working on. The third was definitely my big rut day, and sometimes when I’m in that rut I need to write a blog post about whatever just to break away from a thing I’ve been working on. I tweeted about how stuck in a rut I am, and I think part of that is definitely my insecurities rearing their ugly head this past week, and it bleeds off into everything. 

I have this nature of being obsessive about the littlest things, and there is truly nothing I can do to change the things I’m obsessing over, yet here I am. Obsessed. I give myself a lot of headaches is all I’m saying.

But I think that’s reflected in my work this week. I’ve been pouring that obsession into this Persona 5 critique, which, of course, as soon as I finished thought to myself “I don’t think this is very good”, but we’ll see. I don’t think it covers all the ground I wanted it to, but I haven’t even gone through an editing pass of it, and considering I plan on doing a spoken-word version of it, I will be reading and rereading it a lot.

What’s on Tap

Mega Man X

So I played this for the first time this week!

I’d talk about it here, but Brandt and I recorded a Lets Play series of me playing the whole game, and I talked about it a ton on the podcast.

In short: I loved it.

Persona 5

STILL GOOD.

Flinthook

I made it to the second major boss, and got exposed to a bunch of new perks and “curses” (perks with a catch, essentially) that really changed up the game on that run

It’s still super fun to just jump in here and there and every now and again. I find Flinthook to be an excellent pick up game.

Questions

As always, if you’d like your question to be in Sunday Chats, and thank you all so goddamn much for the questions!!!, feel free to tweet them in the replies to the tweet I send out on Sunday afternoons with the hashtag: #SundayChats.

Hrm, before seeing this live action Beauty and the Beast I don’t think i would have had a good answer for this, but that ended up being probably my second or third favorite movie ever so there really is room for it. I’m very excited to see The Lion King.

Thinking about it.... Hrmm...

Probably Disney’s Hercules. I know, obviously, there have been many-a-Hercules movies in “the live actions” but to see the jolliness to Disney’s Hercules, with all the colorful beasts and gods strew out across Greece, I just think it’d be a really fun, silly romp.

I actually used to watch The X Files with my mom when I was younger. I always thought it was crazy spooky and probably way too spooky for me, which I’m sure sounds silly with how aged that show is now, but I did always love it. And my mom was super into it when I was young.

And yeah, I’m excited Quin! I hope you’re ready. Obviously there are gonna be a ton of hugs to be had.

Ahh, I was waiting for this. Honestly hearing you talk about it all the time Nabeshin, had me quite curious to finally sit down and watch it. I just found out it is dubbed, so hrm... Maybe I’ll try and make the time for it.

I know the whole everyone is going to groan here, but I am trying to cut out some time to rewatch all of Sword Art Online again, since I haven't watched it in over a year, and I like to revisit that one. But we’ll see. I’ve fallen hard off TV, so I just gotta try here.

My Pre-E3 content starts usually the week or two, but let’s be real, the next pre-E3 starts as soon as the last one ends. The leaks, the suspicions, the “this is an E3 announcement” kind of speculation stories. It’s all very exciting. I feel like by this time in May we’ve normally seen a few more leaks than we have as of yet, so that’s pretty exciting. Hopefully everything doesn’t completely leak before the show.

I like to build up to things with listening to a ton of E3 predictions shows, so there is that to look forward to. I love predictions, because I think it really tells you how people think about the video games industry, but because I listen to so many predictions casts, I think it makes it so I feel I don’t have any original predictions to bring to the table. Maybe I can try and separate them out and write them down before I go all the way deep on the podcast-listening this year. But we’ll see.

This is absurd. But I have realized I do do the same ridiculous half-smile in almost all my pictures. I really do the Kinda Funny logo face, and that’s probably why all my coworkers are obsessed with my blue KF hoodie.

But to answer your question... uhh, I dunno? If your smile doesn’t reach your eyes, you’re probably not really smiling.

Oh man, I did go and see this today. I really loved it! Loved it about as much as the first, definitely no less, which I also really really liked.

I mean honestly Drax just stole the show again, but I really loved Rocket in this one too. He had a lot of fun, did a lot of cool stuff, and with Groot kind of off to the side got to steal a lot of the limelight I felt. Him and Peter being the main focuses of the two parallel stories really worked, I felt.

Oh man. So for folks just now tuning in, I started watching The West Wing a week and a half ago, and i’m surprised at how much I cannot stop watching. I haven’t gotten this into a TV show in a very, very long time. Since Gilmore Girls I think?

I’m going to say, as I am on episode 21 of Season 1, tentatively, Josh. I feel like I relate to Josh’s spirit the most, and he really pushes back when he believes in something. And his crush on Joey is super cute. And he doesn’t know how to tell her how he feels, so obviously I relate.

But I do love Toby. Toby’s hatred of all life and its happiness is wonderful and is very much representative of my inner hatred of all things daylight and happy. So he gets bonus points.

This was a follow up, but yeah, Bartlet is very good. Martin Sheen is just top tier.

Hey man, I know you’re going to the rough of it now, and I promise you, it’ll be okay.

I know the feeling, and to you I’d say this thought here: 

we all get too in our own head sometimes. I’m not saying this is true of you in your situation, but there are times when I get caught thinking so negatively about everything you do, maybe in regards to a specific person, maybe people. I talked about it above, that overbearing insecurity that just incases everything about and around you, but when i take a step out and think that maybe the person or persons who that insecurity is coming from are going through the same feeling. Maybe they think I hate them? Or are expecting something completely different, or just have a totally different thought process.

Again, this isn’t completely related, but its part of my darker thoughts this past week, and it’s been a part of what I’ve used to bring myself out of them.

You’re constantly and inspiration to me Roger. I mean, I haven’t put out anything worthwhile in quite some time now, but you’re always doing work. Keep pushing, and know that I’m right there next to you, pushing with you. Brothers, my dude.

Impossible to answer, but it’s probably Inside Out. That movie sent me through the ringer, but I think it’s just such a beautiful and crafted metaphor for emotions and the disconnect we often feel with them. Also, that being balanced in your head isn’t always an easy thing, but it’s a necessary thing. Be sad. Cry sometimes. It’s okay. You’ll be better for it.

This... Goddammit Danny. 

From what I understand, and I am NO PHYSICIST, but from what I understand, as you even APPROACHED the Earth’s core, if you actually got close to it, the pressure would be so great that you’d be crushed to nothingness. The center of all gravity on the planet is there, and the pulling pressure there would probably crush and kill you instantly. No matter how much Inertia you have. Because think about it: gravity, which is building your inertia, is pulling you in to the center. You wouldn't just pass by the center, you’d careen into it and die a horrible, horrible death.

Plus, like, there is magma and mantle and molten core, you’d melt away long before you got to the center of the planet.

Yes I think I’ve played my game of the year. Because of very personal reasons, I don’t think anything will come close to the emotional pendulum swing that Persona 5 has been for me. And Zelda. But yeah, Persona 5 is going to be my Game of the Year. Obviously I’m open, as always, to something toppling it, but I just don’t think it’ll happen.

Fuck that shit.

(but Yu-Gi-Oh GX was pretty good)

I LOVED Gone Girl. I just really liked the two lead performances, and then, you know, Tyler Perry showing up. But I really like how the narrative was illustrated, how the narration worked, and where everything went with it all. Ben Affleck is a total favorite of mine.

It’s worth noting that I have not read the book, which is apparently, as always, better, but I had a good time with the movie. Sitting here now, I really remember the blues of the film used to really great effect.

The first time I watched it was with my brothers on WB Kids via Saturday Morning Cartoons. And eventually, anime would be the only thing we really looked for on Saturday mornings. I don’t think I new it was imported, but my brothers definitely did, and they explained it to me, and I think I understood to some extent? But it really sank in later when I’d watch it on Toonami, where they’d directly reference that it was from Japan.

But yeah, it was probably Dragon Ball Z, specifically the Frieza Saga where I came in at. 

Haha, well, at this rate you can probably call it IP West, considering the flux that is in.

But I don’t know. Definitely make sure it isn’t a Fast and Furious Show, because I feel like that doesn’t have a lot of legs. Honestly, I’d love to see any show you and Jurge do, I think you’d have a lot to say and have very, very different opinions on things.

If you like, maybe we can have a genuinely serious sit down about it at KFL3.

Oh god, I hadn’t watched any TV at all for so long up until watching the West Wing so I can’t guarantee anything would be past its future. I don’t even know if I’ll watch past S1, but I’m sure there will be some cliff hanger that I’ll have to see past and then the dominos will fall and I’ll be dead from dehydration after watching The West Wing for 14 days straight.

Anyway...

Five favorite TV shows? Fuck me that’s impossible. Here are the five that come to my head:

Breaking Bad (easy)

LOST (fuck you, I know)

Sherlock (also easy)

Jessica Jones 

Sword Art Online

Oh Tom, you know how to get right to the point.

Of the sausages? Bratwurst is probably my favorite. Man, throw that on a hotdog bun with a bed of raw onions and a little bit of ketchup, I am in HEAVEN.

Also shoutout to Tom Hawkins’ first Sunday Chats appearance. I miss you so goddamn much Tom <3.

Haha, well honestly, I hate breakfast sausage. Whatever it is that breakfast sausage is, it is a major contributor to me not really liking breakfast food. I know, I’m crazy, but those sausage patties: suck, those little sausages that are always burnt on the outside: also suck.

Context:

https://twitter.com/ALFighter27/status/861377578334121985

I don’t play the rage-hazing game. Although I did talk to my mom at dinner about how nice Greg has been to me lately, and she asked me to explain twitter, mostly because she had see the video where Greg had said he was going to beat me up and then FaceTime her, my mom, and show her how he had beat me up.

But my mom is a very nice lady. And I think she just genuinely wants to meet Greg Miller because I talk about him so much.

I also want to point out that in that first tweet I just think it’s really funny because it looks like Greg favorited his own tweet.

This is also Greg Miller’s first Sunday Chats appearance, and here we are.

<3

Shoutouts

It’s funny, because I was planning this shoutout since Monday, but then Twitter happened today, and I feel like it’s weird to engage with the joking Twitter hazing here in Sunday Chats, where I am always so genuine and open and honest? But I digress. I want to give a shoutout to a friend who got married this week: Greg Miller.

I wanted to take a moment to congratulate the happy couple. I am so lucky to have met Gen, for the first time at PAX East, and can confirm she is just one of the nicest humans. Maybe it’s the Canadian in her, but the bond between the two of them is immediate and apparent.

Greg has been an awesome friend to me over the last year, and hell, he is one of the biggest fans out there of Sunday Chats. He has this habit of thanking everyone of the people that follow him for all they have given him, and he is all the better for it. But I want to say this, which will seem odd after those embedded tweets above, but stay with me here. There are few people who are genuinely kind and approachable as Greg.

There is this picture of Greg that I just spent the last 20 minutes trying to find, and maybe someone else can find it, but he was hosting some panel, I think about a Lego game, and he brought some young kid up on the panel to ask a question. But he had the kid sit where he was sitting to ask it, and there was just this great picture of Greg in the background just stoked as all hell to see this kid up on this panel asking this question. That genuine love and excitement for a fan is all you need to see to understand Greg Miller. The dude spends almost all his energy pouring positivity, good vibes, and appreciation back out into the world, never one taking it for granted.

So yeah, I think he earned his happily ever after. I don’t know Gen near as well, but i’m about to spill some drinks with her at KFL3, that’s for damn sure.

Congrats you two. I wish you all kinds of happiness <3

I’m also just really excited that Greg is open to having kids now, since he was so opposed to it for goddamn ever. Dad Greg is going to be the best.

Okay, whew, that’s all I got. Thank you all so much for reading. I am damned tired, and almost done the first season of The West Wing.

Sometimes the darker and more frustration inconsistencies, insecurities, and self-doubt can get the better of all of us. It sure has for me this week. But we power on. We keep making, and pushing, and growing because it’s what we do. Or, at least, it’s what I do.

Love you all, 

kisses,

and

keep it real.

[coffee-w-iriswa-blog]

or is someone saying that CS cares more about Barry then she does Cisco or any one else on planet? If so...I dunno I guess s3's f-ed trying to kill Cisco three times without blinking shows CS's feelings for Cisco aren't strong as I thought they were. I'm still pissed at KF story for messing with that friendship btw. But I don't see that as CS picking Savitar or Barry or Cisco that was power over Cisco. I dunno I still if any should be most important to her it should be Cisco but what do I know

The way I see it, the problem about this CS/CR back story, started out nice based on a friendship born out of grief and guilt, but blossoming into deep caring and support, turning to potential lovers out of nowhere, yet somehow careening into a nightmare on crack. We saw a lot of gaps, loopholes and missed opportunities. In comes KF, backed up by comics history but the execution was horrible. Clearly, the writers are at a lost on how they will incorporate her and how to continue writing for CS, transitioning into KF. Then, having her an accomplice to Savitar, gained traction but then went nowhere. Would have been another opportunity to release her icy demeanor, yet they failed to capitalize. Just like what I'm doing now, babbling without focus, making nonsensical claims, is how her story that ties up with CR, BA and Savitar has been a poorly crafted excuse of a nightmare, on crack. I better stop now.

[lamiiku]

Video game ask! Some games you play, some games you might not: TF2, Borderlands (1/2), Killing Floor, Pokemon, L4D (1/2), Starbound, Legend of Zelda (any game if you've played any)! :)

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TF2

never played | want to play| terrible | boring | okay | good | great | a favorite

It’s decent, but thereare some things I’ve come to really dislike about it. Between theupdates that Valve has frigged up, outstanding balance issues, andLACK OF NEW GODDAMNED WEAPONS, I doubt TF2 is going uphill anytimesoon. That being said the community servers, modding communities, andgeneral fandom tend to be very good. It’s a broad enough game thatI can still find things to like about it.

Borderlands

never played | want to play| terrible | boring | okay | good | great | a favorite

BL1 is an odd port from theconsole versions. It works pretty well but the controls don’t feelas twitchy as the Quake-descended games I’m used to. There’s alot to like about it; it’s one of the most vivid games I’veplayed and the story is great. Dunno why people say BL1 is so lackingin the story, I had a blast. The final boss was meh but besides that,damn!

Borderlands 2

never played | want to play| terrible | boring | okay | good | great | a favorite

Oooooooh boi. There’s somuch to say about BL2 it’s hard to sum up. The story is fantastic,the game is very creative and challenging, it builds on itspredecessor well, the art is gorgeous, and I just blew someone upwith an exploding axe. Ever since TF2 started going meh, BL2 is thego-to-game that I recommend to people on Steam. It’s definitelymore an FPS than an RPG, but fans of either genre will find a lot toappreciate. On top of ALL of that, the balance of DLC and base gameis great: the base game is excellent BUUUUT the DLC adds a lotwithout being a requirement to enjoy the base. With the exception ofthe UVHM II DLC [extreme salt redacted], all the DLC content for BL2is great too.

Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel

never played | want to play| terrible | boring | okay | good | great | a favorite

Might as well mention the PS. It wasn’t as bad a game as a lot of people made it out to be. It was a reasonable expansion on BL2, but it fell short in too many areas. There was just a bit too much copy/pasted from BL2, too short a story, not enough good DLC... any improvement in any weak point of the game would have made it much better. Altogether it just felt too much like a weak spinoff. That being said it’s still worth a play, especially if you buy the Claptastic Voyage DLC.

Killing Floor

never played | want to play| terrible | boring | okay | good | great | a favorite

I can hardly overstate how much fun KF is. In terms of survival FPS games it was very good for its time and still an excellent game in general. The leveling process is a bit tedious at high levels and I wish there was a slightly wider arsenal of gear, but overall the aesthetic and challenges of the game earn it a heartily positive appraisal.

Also using the Trenchgun gives me a raging boner. It’s like half the reason I even play KF.

Pokemon

never played | want to play| terrible | boring | okay | good | great | a favorite

Yes, I did have a childhood without Pokemon.

Left for Dead 1/2

never played | want to play| terrible | boring | okay | good | great | a favorite

(I never played L4D1). L4D is fairly straightforward once you get a handle on the controls. It’s a very entertaining challenge and can be very eerie even for a zombie game. I get tired of playing it very quickly since there’s not much variation in the game and the player doesn’t have much control beyond “run for your fucking life” a lot of the time. That’s all well and good but I usually get bored after one or two campaigns.

Starbound

never played | want to play| terrible | boring | okay | good | great | a favorite

Giving this a “never played” since I played it for about an hour and a half a few years ago. I liked it but I wanted to wait for their big updates back in 2013 and never got back into it.

Plus I had Terraria to help me fulfill the diggin’ and slashin’ urges instead.

Legend of Zelda

never played | want to play| terrible | boring | okay | good | great | a favorite

I never really got into Nintendo games. I’ve played games on a PC since I was in third grade so that didn’t really lend itself to getting around to Nintendo stuff.

blololol0l0ololol sorry for taking like seven months to find this again @shambali-monastery

[angelfireeast]

So Killer Frost & Caitlin relationship is now????

So Killer Frost and Caitlin’s story is now what??? 

All we get is two vague references to their relationship and what Killer Frost is doing. Sounds about right. Sums up what writers think of Caitlin and the importance of telling her story. Should’ve known the most we’d ever get was Caitlin going ‘I have a lot to tell you to’ to boys and camera pans off-screen. I mean why follow things up with Killer Frost after they decided it’s slip personality. I mean it’s not like this is the biggest thing to happen to Caitlin and now we got two characters stories needing to be told. The course just keeps going like it’s normal episode like nothing happened that’s the MO with Caitlin, isn’t it? Just throw her back in Starlabs as if nothing going on.

So what is the relationship between Caitlin & Frost now exactly? How do they talk to each other? Is like one of voice in the other’s head? Because apparently, Caitlin can’t remember KF and KF remembers everything and is awake when Caitlin is asleep. Does that drain the body of energy since one has a life while the other is asleep? Did they work out shared body system? Does Caitlin now trust KF have freedom? Because that’s fucking huge and it’s off-screen…Do they write each other notes? Do they make a request or as ask if it’s ok before they do big things like go to burning man or agree to fight powerful meta? I guess that goes back to the ‘how do they talk to each other thing?’ How will they handle things like one personality dating?

What is the status of Killer Frost now? Does she want to help people now? Is she begrudging helping the heroes? Does she just want a chance to fight and use her powers and team Flash offers up that chance? Does she feel like she owes them? Is she starting to like them? Is she hiding from Amulet? Is she sorry for what she did to them? To Iris? TO Cisco? Does she feel affection towards Iris for beinf the only person to validate her as a person? Does frost really just want to raise a little hell like before? Would she kill them if they k Pissed her off? Dunno because we don't know anything about the new Frost.

If the writers gave half flying fuck about Caitlin or Killer Frost they would present Killer Frost like a new character and give her story/screen time accordingly watching her build relationships with the team. Because she’s new personality now right? So her relationship with Iris, Cisco, Harry, Barry, and Joe is going to be different then Caitlin and that would actually be interesting to watch. Have Killer Frost like Iris and be sorry she tried to kill her because Iris is the only person who treated her like a person and not a thing needing curing. But I guess that couldn’t happen because that’s too close to admitting Iris was wronged and righting the situation. I’d actually be more interested in Killer Frost showing remorse and deciding she likes Iris becoming friends with her then Caitlin who tried her like crap in s3 and spent three seasons as work friends and who Iris cares about Caitlin twice as much Caitlin cares about her. Give KF an actual redemption story. But that’s not going to happen. Ralph gets tones of screen time to be a sleazy misogynistic pig and this story remains a mystery. You just got to try to piece it together based on throw away limes and tiny scenes. This why I can't get behind Caitlin or Frost. When writing is so bad there is nothing but blank space filled in bugs of information and when people go "it must be this way the writers to 'lol nope we decided to retcon history and act like thay never happen Yolo"