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#And yk what?
itswhatyougive · 10 months
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Was no one going to tell me that the Henderfam was made semi-canon as of ST Puzzle Tales Ch. 19???
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They really leaned into "Dustin has two dads", huh
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idiotwithoutagoodname · 2 months
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Something that will never not be funny to me is how Harlan writes dialogue for John and then realizes how fucking romantic it sounds so he has to follow up every interaction in which he talk to anyone ABOUT Arthur with a “friend” at the end lmao.
“My king, I respect the affection and care you bestow upon your very dear FRIEND”
“He’s meat”
“Yeas but he’s my meat- MY FRIEND”
“Why does he chose you and not me?”
“Because I love him.
And he loves me. That’s FRIENDSHIP”
Sir, just stop.
Are you doing this to mess with us or are you doing this to yourself and we are all just going along with it for the feels?
(And, just to clarify, this is not a “they are clearly in love with each other” post, but me saying that (whether read as platonic or romantic) it felt like Harlan realizing how beautifully he wrote a piece of dialogue and then having to throw 3 “friends” for good measure in the next sentence, lest the fandom bursts into flames. And that’s seemed a little funny to me)
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girlchomp · 5 months
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captain america squashed that bug boy minor (mr peter parker) for the simple crime of being small (believing they should listen to the UN)
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knowltonsrangers · 6 months
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seven years of waitressing and tonight was the night that finally broke me.
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starsofjewels · 14 hours
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hi i love your gregor fic!!! i have a request if that’s cool, so ya know how rhaenyra and daemon snuck out and went to flea bottom and to the brothel in hotd, welll i was thinking princess!reader and gregor her guard they sneak off and go into a brothel and ykyk!! then like the next day, someone goes to the queen and small council to tell them the rumors and sandor is just like in the corner 🤨🫢🫨
Tarnishment
Gregor Clegane x Baratheon Princess! Reader
NSFW!!
Any and all characters depicted in NSFW pieces are of legal age.All characters are also consenting (Unless specificed by piece)
CONTENT: SMUT- Nudity, fingering, climbing the Mountain (obviously), assumed! Murder, canon compliant! Sex work (prostitutes, brothels etc), mentions of alcohol (mostly wine), implied! Infidelity (Baratheon Princess does it Nyra style)
Delicious smut underneath the cut
Greggie C, Big Bob and the Lannisters are all their own individual warnings.
Word Count: 3.6K
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Holy frickle frackle mackrel I genuinely loved writing this so much- WHY do you all how so many good ideas OH MY LORD.
Thank you so much for this, we are all sluts for Greggie now. Gods be good.
I'm trying to get through my requests, but soon we'll have lil sprinklings of things- I've got another Ramsay and a very special surprise fic (hold your excitement) lined up for y'all once I'm done my requests.
Live, Laugh, Gregor Clegane.
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Tarish (verb): To compromise, damage, soil or sully.
When your mother bears you a little brother, at the grand age of seven, you are old enough to understand that your importance has dropped significantly. You were never going to be heir to the throne, not whilst your father has two living brothers, but there is still a general sense that you are no longer as necessary to the Baratheon lineage, not now little baby Joffrey has a golden cradle, with yellow hair to match. 
Your father doesn’t care much for Joffrey, or Tommen, or Myrcella. You don’t think he cares for much besides wine and whores and hunting down animals in the Godswood. He calls your siblings the ‘Lion Pups’, a secret joke between the two of you. They could pass as pure Lannisters, with their slim figures and golden hair, but you? You are your father’s Baratheon princess, and you are his most favourite. 
After your first blood, and, coincidentally enough, Joffrey’s fourth nameday, your father decides you should each have a member of the Kingsguard to take care of you. The crown prince is now too old to need a nurse, and you are a fertile little lady- The phrasing makes you cringe- You need protection from debauchery, as your mother says. You wonder if the world is truly so terrible that a man could desire you.  
Cersei wants to give you the Hound, but you are far too good for Sandor Clegane, the Burned Knight. So you get his brother, the Mountain, and already you know why the men shiver when they see him, and why women hide their babies. Joffrey is given over to Sandor, to your mother’s dismay. 
And so, it begins. You attend your lessons on the back of a Mountain, you watch him fight and train as you sew, and when you go into town you are permitted to stray into the markets and shops, with your personal guard barely a foot behind. You remind yourself you have more freedoms than any princess when you receive another scolding from your mother, when you long to attend the hunts. 
You are an affectionate person, Cersei knows that, but even she grows suspicious at how close Gregor has gotten to you. He carries you places as though you are his bride, as though you could not walk without him, and whispers begin of your behaviour in private being far less innocent. But, there is no evidence.  
Summer is a privilege and a pain all at the same time. The palace is hot, and sticky, as are you. Even with the soft breezes of night, the warmth hides not so far away. If anyone were to see you, they’d find you most indecent. Your nightdress is short, and covers just enough of your cleavage that your nipples are not exposed. If you jumped, or did anything other than walk a few slow paces, you aren’t sure they wouldn’t be. 
“Alright, Princess?”
You hadn’t realised Gregor was standing there. You are too hot and too bored to do anything more than feel a bit sorry for yourself. He knows that. 
The response you give is somewhere between a groan and a grunt, it makes him laugh. You like to make him laugh, it reminds you he isn’t just the big, scary Mountain you see in his armour. Which you suddenly realise he isn’t wearing. 
Your Mountain is dressed in a tunic, a red one- Lannister, obviously- And you aren’t sure you’ve ever seen him without his armour. But then, you suppose he isn’t off duty very much, his duties are very much full-time.
“Mh- What are you wearing?”
Gregor moves closer, throwing something light upon your bed,
“Goin’ out. Get dressed.”
He pulls you out of bed, an action which reminds you of your nurses doing the same. The man pulls your nightdress up for you, pulling a simple dress more suited for one of the staff over you, and a cloak on the top. 
“Thank Dana downstairs, she’s letting you borrow it.”
“Did you steal a dress?”
You are granted a shrug in response, you assume that means a yes. 
Though Gregor is not easily disguised, there are plenty of ladies in the Keep with your hair colour and figure. You could just as easily be a whore as you are a princess, and that delights you. 
The courtyard is dark and empty, no-one wants to venture out this late, not anyone who cares about their reputation, at least. The Street of Silk, and her sister streets, will all be bustling with off-duty guards, and whoever else feels the need for company. The guards stationed at the gates assume the same of Gregor when he passes, you think.
“Who’s watching the princess?”
Your heart jumps, you cling onto him almost suspiciously tightly, and you know that they notice.
“Do you think I care about the fucking duty board? Check yourself if you’re that bothered.”
The other scoffs at that, and you feel him jab your shoulder,
“Something wrong with your whore?”
“Don’t know, just taking her back.”
Gregor lifts you up, you hide your face in his shoulder. The guards let you pass, and once you are reasonably away from the Keep, he puts you back down.
“Arseholes.” The man looks back, keeping you close, “let’s have some fun, eh? I know the place.”
King's Landing is a seedy place, you know that even in the day, but at night, it ignites. The streets are filled with lust and shamelessness, you wonder if your septa might die at the sight of it. Whores line the streets, and you can tell which are the newer, poorer ones, and which of the women come from ‘respectable’ houses. He leads you through the Street of Silk, you know it even without any markers, from the drunk men lying against the walls, or on the ground, and you are frightened. 
You see no silk, you see blood and piss and far too much of other women, but that is all.  
The place he leads you to is clean, at least, and reasonably unassuming. There are candles and flowers outside, you wonder if this brothel is one of the higher-end ones, or if inside it is double as bad as the streets. 
You are sat neatly on a cushioned bench, and ladies bring you drink. Wines, and ales and other alcohols you have neither heard about nor tasted. You see them giggle to themselves, and you realise that your disguise is poor. They all know the Baratheon princess has graced their presence. It will have some impact on you later, the thought crosses your mind as Gregor tilts your third cup of wine down your throat, when one of them is offered a pretty gold coin in exchange for all of your secrets. 
But, you do not care. You are allowed to have fun, even if your idea of fun stems past the gossiping, and the sewing your mother would like you to do. 
“Gods-”
You are drawn from your thoughts by Gregor, who sets another cup down on the table,
“You Baratheons really can drink, Princess, that’s your fifth tonight.”
Sure enough, the cup in your hand has four identical siblings, strewn about in various positions across the table, and one on the floor. The man shakes his head.
“Well, how many have you had?”
“Don’t take wine. Woman’s drink.”
When the music begins, you aren’t truly sure if it’s real, or if your alcohol-addled mind has simply hallucinated it to entertain you; but Gregor shuffles his huge form over, and puts an arm around your waist, glancing occasionally to the platform in front of you, so you assume it to be real. 
The women who wear any clothes wear barely any at all. They dance with feathers, and pretty shiny things- Baubles and bells, which jingle with every step they take. Some have silver hair, Targaryen hair, and you are reminded that even though their fiery blood has faded out, given your father’s proclivity for murdering them, some men still want to tame the dragon. They wink, and they gasp, and they moan, as though their dancing is the most exciting thing they could have ever done. Some of the men- For it is all men- Jeer, they call them whores, and other words you can’t imagine anyone else repeating. It makes Gregor laugh, and for once you aren’t so sure if you like that. He notices, pressing a comforting kiss to your forehead.
“We’ll go to our room in a bit, yeah? You’ll like that.”
Not entirely sure what he means, you nod anyway. 
The dancers end in a puff of smoke and incense, you pretend not to notice as they slip away, with one, or two, or even three men chasing after them. You wonder if three men could even fit inside the one woman, and your mind brings you to unsavoury places. 
You don’t feel particularly drunk, the wine must have been watered down, but still, Gregor lifts you up to take you further into the brothel. The noises are no less than sinful- Groans, and cries and the screams of men as they finish themselves off. You hear names, whispered into the night, and the whores run to and from their entertainment rooms, in various states of blush and undress. Most are nude. 
The room you are brought to is right at the top of the brothel, where the Madame keeps her office, and her favourite pets. It is clean, and scented by the flowers about the place. The bed itself, for there is always a bed, is covered in soft pink curtains, pulled back and tied with silver ribbon. There are no windows, and no fireplace. 
“Only the best for the princess, eh? You’re lucky I did the Madame a favour.”
He has already pulled off his tunic, and sits upon the bed, pulling you onto him so your legs wrap around his waist,
“What did you do?”
“Killed her husband.”
You look up at him, pouting slightly.
“Why?”
“Because-” In an instant, his great body is atop of you, and you are slammed against the fabric of the bed. The thing itself creaks. “Your grandfather told me to.”
Gregor’s lips find your neck, his facial hair tickles against the skin, and you let yourself laugh,
“And you do everything the great Lord Tywin tells you to?”
The response you get is a grunt, and a squeal from your own lips when he pulls you closer toward him. You gain a kiss upon the lips for this intrusion. 
“I do whilst I’ve his pretty granddaughter in a whorehouse.”
As he continues to put kisses on your exposed skin, travelling almost as low as your breast, you suddenly realise you’ve found yourself in an unusual position of power. In a whorehouse, on your back, with a man double your weight and at least a foot taller than you upon you. This is the power your mother has told you a woman holds. 
“His pretty granddaughter, your princess. You should be serving me.”
You tilt your head away so he cannot see the smile which graces your face. He merely hums, near thoughtfully. Once again, you are lifted from below him, and put back on the throne you’ve made from his thighs. 
“How does my princess want served, then?”
His free hand finds yours, and you play with it like a child might a shiny thing they find upon the pavement. 
“Your fingers.”
“Aye, that’s a good plan,” He shakes his hand free from yours with little effort, it joins with the other at the small of your back, and poor Dana’s dress is torn to rags, leaving you in your little nightdress, the front having been pulled down completely, exposing your breasts to him. He says nothing. “Better get you prepared first, can’t bring you back split like a chicken, can I?” 
“Are you… that big?”
Your eyes widen at your own speech, how utterly unashamed you can be. There is little more you can do to sully your reputation at this point than to actually have the man inside of you, and you aren’t completely sure you won’t. But he finds some amusement in your words, grasping you gently, pulling you closer toward him.
“All of me is big, Princess.”
He is right, his hands are each the size of your face, if not bigger. His height is something known and feared by every man, woman and child in the Seven Kingdoms, and you sit delicately on his lap, growing increasingly excited by the ideas of what he might do to you.
One of those big hands grazes your bare arse underneath your nightdress, even the gentlest squeeze, with his strength, turns into a reasonably harsh pinch. You squeak, 
“Ow!”
Gregor tuts, 
“If that hurts you, Princess, I doubt you’re ready for the next bit.”
It travels back down, across your thigh, and sets itself, with the amount of grace you expect from Gregor, just shy of your cunt. He helps you settle in a more comfortable position, and pushes his middle finger into you. It hurts, even his fingers are enormous, far greater than your own, but it feels wonderful. You must be whimpering, because he shushes you with kisses, moving slowly and carefully, not daring to give you another one.
A second has you sobbing, quietly begging for him to stop. He won’t, you know that, and most of you doesn’t want him to.
By the time he considers you ‘adequately prepared’, you are hardly sure of your own name, let alone anything more complicated. You are covered in sweat, a scarlet blush across your whole face, and an overwhelming sense that you should probably be quite ashamed of yourself.
Gregor sets you down from his lap, onto the bed. You hope the night’s activities aren’t over, you do so want what you were certain he’d give you. He seems to notice, a smile graces his face.
“Just a minute, Princess,” He sounds almost scolding, like a schoolmaster, “Can’t fuck you dressed, can I?”
“I… Suppose not, no.”
Whilst you still have some shred of dignity, even if your nightdress clings to the sweat on your skin, and leaves next to nothing to anyone’s imagination, Gregor strips himself down to his entirety. Every scar, every muscle of his is completely visible, and something about it completely delights you. 
He almost laughs at how you gawk at him, eyes flicking between his legs, trying desperately not to show him you are, in fact, staring.
“Never seen a cock before?”
“Not… One I’m not directly related to, no.”
You are scooped back into his arms, onto your throne of flesh. Your Mountain bounces you just slightly, and you recall a nurse of yours doing the exact same thing at some point in your life. There is something oddly comforting about it.
He expects you to squeal and cry when it begins, when he pushes himself into you. And you do, just a little. There is a pressure you cannot quite explain, something eats at you from inside out, and your eyes fill up with pretty tears. He is there to make it better, of course, it is his duty to protect you.
Gregor is not the type of man to praise his woman, and he doesn’t. Not in words, at least. You cling to him, wrapped around his neck and whimpering into his shoulder, and he runs a hand up your clothed back in long, soothing motions. It does little to actually comfort you, but the thought behind it is nice. You are glad it’s this, and not the horror stories you’ve heard about your sworn guardian.
You know, in very limited detail, how a woman is supposed to give herself up to a man. You had thought it would hurt- That he would be rough, and you look down to see no blood, nor much of anything, his cock is hidden by the skirts of your nightdress. You wonder if that is enough to hide your sin from the gods.
“Alright, Princess?”
You cannot even look up to see his face, and you don’t know he’d want you to. Tears stream freely from your eyes, and all of you feels heavy, tired. You hope he’ll carry you back home. 
“Nearly.”
The break in his voice does not escape you. At least you know what’s to happen.
And slowly, carefully, his hand on your back finds your thigh, and the one on your thigh crawls between your legs. You are already prepared, already overwhelmed, and just the slightest touch is enough to set you off again,
“Hold off, Princess,” Had you the strength, you would beg him not to stop. Thankfully, he doesn’t, “Just one minute.”
And you try, but it is just too much for you to handle. You attempt to tell him, to give him some warning, but he knows.
He comes with a great roar, something that makes you jump. Gregor holds you tight enough to bruise, a reminder of his power, of how vulnerable you actually are, but you hardly care. 
Despite the very obvious plug between your legs, his seed still seeps out of you, onto your nice nightdress, onto him. You hadn’t thought it’d be so messy, but it does make some sense. You mutter something unintelligible, and he kisses your forehead. The world is good, and you wonder if anyone would find out should you make this a regular occurrence.
You awake the next morning in a different, more sensible nightdress. You smell clean, like lavender soap, like he’s had one of your ladies bathe you at some point. One enters with a breakfast tray, as per usual, and you pretend not to notice how she avoids your gaze. The two who help you dress are as chatty as usual. The older woman is as bubbly as ever, and her little assistant couldn’t frighten a sparrow if she wanted.
Gregor is usually standing outside when you emerge in the mornings. Today, it is Ser Meryn Trant. Not unusual, and nothing for concern; you assume Gregor has come down with a headache again. He suffers from them quite frequently, especially so in the hottest months.
Neither of you say anything, not until you’ve crawled down the steps and gotten to the throne room. Your muscles still ache, and your legs feel strange to walk upon, a night of being bent and thrown in any direction.
Tywin and Cersei are on either side of the throne; your mother sits, your grandfather stands. Your brother is tactfully in the corner, with his dog behind him. And the way Sandor looks at you, with undisguised disgust, you realise- they know.
Tywin’s face is still, your mother looks as though she might boil up at any given moment. The throne is empty, and you wonder where your father has gone.
“Princess,” It is Varys who speaks. Your mother’s little songbird, with nothing better to do than scour the kingdom for rumour, “We had heard some… rumours regarding your activities last night with Ser Gregor.”
You realise, this is your time to shine. You have always been dramatic, always good at making up little stories. You can fool your grandfather, you’ve always been able to. And if Lord Tywin is convinced, the rest of them shall follow; no-one doubts the Hand.
“W-What rumours, my lord?”
Cersei rolls her eyes. Your mother stands, moving down from the raised steps of the throne, facing you,
“You know what rumours. You were seen in a brothel last night, far past the time you should have been abed, and he carried you back half-naked. Do you deny it, Daughter?”
“I…”
You look between those in the throne room: your brother in the corner, his dog avoiding your gaze; Varys, and Littlefinger, your mother. Your gaze lands on Ser Meryn.
“Ser Gregor does not guard me at night.” You look at your grandfather, a sudden realisation coming upon you. “He is my personal guard, Grandfather, the Kingsguard have night duty. He needs to be rested for the day.”
Cersei flicks her head to Tywin, who appears to be thinking quite deeply,
“That is true, Ser Gregor has yet to be granted the white cloak.”
“Do you doubt my virtue, Grandfather? You know I would not lie on such matters, I am a princess, not a tavern wench.”
And he sighs, and you know that you’ve won him over,
“It is possible Ser Gregor entertained a woman of a- Similar appearance. The princess is not so foolish as to risk rumours of her purity, unlike some.”
A comment about your mother. You see Sandor smirk at it.
You are returned back to your bedchamber, and go about your day. The rumours are put aside, and it is decided that Gregor entertained a whore that night, no matter what anyone claims. There are plenty of men who take silver-haired whores as Targaryens, after all, there is hardly a difference with the new line of regency. 
Later, you are put in front of your father after supper. He’s heard, of course, through Varys, or Tywin or Cersei, or all of the above. Not that it matters.
Robert is arse-deep in his cups, and he doesn’t show any sign of stopping. Your father wraps one of his great hands around your shoulders,
“Did you fuck him, then?”
And there is no answer you can give him but the truth.
“Aye, Father, I did.”
Robert spends the rest of the evening laughing uncontrollably, getting suitably drunk. Your nights with Gregor confine themselves to your rooms, or to a variety of places where a princess would not be so out of place. Everyone knows, and no one says a word. And one day, when your husband of a cushy, lordly house gives you child after child, no one shall say a word when they each emerge taller than the next, when their resemblance is shockingly similar to your personal guard, and not their supposed father.
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mike wheeler’s ‘87 halloween costume if he isn’t… yk fucking dead
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dykefive · 2 years
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an idea: five in a situation where he needs to intimidate character b seated across the table from him. his little brat smile and lean doesn’t work as effectively, so he has to resort to physical threats. he’s carried a bag and reaches in for a weapon, but pulls out the tiniest purse dog you’ve ever seen. he puts mr pennycrumb (trembling, dressed in a sweater, he is tiny) aside and reaches in again for a gun and places that beside him and looks up with that little gremlin smile.
the intimidation is successful and mr. pennycrumb gets a nice dinner in celebration.
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my grandma always told me the classic "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" but she always followed it up with "but if his heart's worth it he'll love you through a kitchen fire"
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WHY ARE MY ROOMATE'S BOYFRIEND'S CLOTHES IN THE FUCKING DRYER AÓVBIEVSJKF XMCDA[BIGHREOUSHBOIRGNE;FJVISBJRÉ;G M
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spacedadpicard · 2 years
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it's not enough just to think about dennis anymore. i need all his best scenes projected into my skull on repeat.
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nouverx · 7 months
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"I want to eat you" is their love language and you can't change my mind
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squidflavoredsoup · 6 days
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mama n her babies
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tma-thoughts · 3 months
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What accent coach is working magic behind the scenes of iwtv. A british man plays an american man with a thick new orleans accent that slowly fades to a standard american accent. Another british man plays an indian man with a french accent that morphs into a british accent. An australian man plays a french man with the strongest most unintelligible french accent youve ever heard
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dolores-slay · 10 months
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Reveal drops on the fourth most romanced bg3 character and it's the Emperor
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o0kawaii0o · 4 months
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Ace Attorney x Hades
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amandayetagain · 1 year
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history of man being the last song standing for TGW elimination poll is so vindicating. my favorite TGW song IS the best, actually. History of Man haters dni
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