#And talkative

[schumi-nadal]

Casper Ruud - UTS Oslo 🇳🇴

Just fifty shades (or almost) of Casper being Casper. 🍷🍴

Watch the full video here 🎾

[chaoslynx]

Everyone, meet Snickerdoodle

bro is SMALL

[hinsaa-paramo-dharma]

It's time for someee jealousy jealousy jealousy.

[saunne]

I'm catsitting my neighbor's cat this week !

Her name is Pistachio and she is a distinguished 19-year-old lady and let's face it, she definitely doesn't look or act her age. She has the energy of a two-month-old kitten and to hear her meow, you'd think she hadn't been fed in a week.

I also think she must be a little deaf because when I pspsps her this morning for her to come and eat, I had no reaction. I had to find her curled up on the bathroom tiles (very good technique to stay cool, not gonna lie) and then had to gently tap the ground next to her and then her paw before she woke up.

That's when the meowing began. Loudly.

[call-me-frosting-or-not-idc]

When I say I get weird when I drink caffeine I mean it like I made a joke that I probably should not have drank the tea with dinner because it has caffeine and my mom straight told me I should never drink caffeine and that it was in fact a bad idea

I don’t mean dangerous i just act weird so like I get really whim prone and silly and I wander around talking CONSTANTLY and become SUPER flamboyant and excitable. And of course I usually end up pacing, coming up with a bunch of really great ideas for my characters!!! Also yeah I will talk my moms ear off and I might end up dancing for her cat or smth…

[tameable50]

what tis i

who am i y’all

[noccolibroccoli]

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

[thegeekgene]

Someone at an old job asked why I wanted to write up the meeting minutes for our team and I said 'i wanna control the narrative' and they were like 'what' and I pointed out that no one was gonna remember what we said in six months and so my interpretation of the meeting would dictate the assumed reality of what happened

"none of you ever send corrections when I offer the draft so y'all have consented to my version"

"we don't read that shit"

"you must trust me implicitly to create our shared reality that's so sweet"

That's how several coworkers decided I was a supervillain and how I learned several coworkers didn't understand record keeping as like a CONCEPT

[schizosusie]

okay so i work in the deli of a grocery store, yeah? and today i got this guy who came up with his two twin children, around five years old. he walks up to the counter, carrying one kid in each arm, and loudly goes "oh, no, i forgot what i wanted!" and turns to the boy in his left arm and, in a perfect blues clues style voice, goes "caleb, do you remember what i wanted?" and the boy goes "half pound of yellow cheese!"

i, obviously, say "you've got it little sir!" and slice up half a pound of yellow american cheese, handing it to the little boy, who looks it over, nods, and tucks it in his lap.

then the man goes "well, we can't just have cheese on our sandwiches. but what else can we put on there?" and the little gurl in his other arm goes "half pound of ham!" so i nod and say "yes ma'am! what kind?" and she points at a random cut of turkey, so her father nods and says "like she said, honey ham!" i cut half a pound of honey ham, hand it to the little lady, she looks it over, nods and puts it in her lap.

then the man goes "now, what should we have for the side?" and the kids both simultaneously start cheering "macking cheese!!!" and the man spins on his heel and marches off, presumably to find the macking cheese.

later, the little boy comes wandering back to the counter while his father looks on and loudly and proudly proclaims that he wants to know where the mustard is. i point him to the correct aisle, he nods, says "thank you mister deli woman" and walks away.

[jingerpi]

popular YouTube channels are great and informative until they make a video about a topic you're informed on and then the house of cards comes crashing down as you realize how utterly wrong they are about most things

[tolerateit]

[letsboldlygomotherfuckers]

I actually can't stop thinking about how the losing party last election dressed like vikings and tried to break into the white house and the losing party this election are sharing suicide prevention hotlines

[ryan-sometimes]

It’s wild to me to see transvestigator conspiracy theories online that could be so easily explained by natural human variation. That woman has a deep voice? Yeah, sometimes they do. A woman has broad shoulders?? Maybe she plays rugby or hits the gym a fuckton. There’s a “bulge” in her tight pants?? Maybe her vulva is just fat. All the “markers” of trans woman that transvestigators use to harass any woman aren’t even things unique to trans women.

[skarsgards-bill]

Andrew Garfield talks to Elmo about grief and the passing of his mother

[monophobix]

the real MVPs of arcane