#And neither of those things were red flags because it just Did That Sometimes

[wedding-shemp]

Local woman drives her 1998 Corolla for 2000 miles without changing the oil. You'll never believe what happens next!

[merakiui]

Absolutely love the possessive ex Scaramouche ramble in tags, please feed us more of that.

Gladly!! :D

(cw: yandere, extremely toxic ex scara, modern au, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, stalking, coercion, obsession, forced marriage, violent/suicidal threats, manipulation, mentions of intoxication/alcohol, implied self-harm)

The two of you were what everyone calls ‘high school sweethearts.’ You met him in the cafeteria when the both of you were first years. Despite the scowl etched on his face, he looked lonely sitting all by himself while everyone was finding tables, old and new friends gathering in groups. He’d ignored you, even scooting further away when you’d attempt to move closer. Even though he seemed so averse to you, you remained, silently eating your lunch. Neither of you said anything, but you did introduce yourself. He scoffed under his breath.

You started to sit next to him for every lunch, and he continued to give you the silent treatment. You never pressed him for conversation, instead choosing to enjoy silence while you ate and admired him from the sidelines. He never looked at you, always facing forwards and toying with his chopsticks, bending them so far until they were ready to snap. Eventually, he seemed to grow accustomed to this routine because many weeks into the semester he turned to address you.

“Why do you always sit by me? Don’t you have anyone else to bother?”

“Maybe. But I don’t think anyone’s as mysterious as you are.”

“‘Mysterious…’ Yeah, whatever.”

That seemed to be the catalyst because, as sardonic as he was, he’d begun talking to you. And it wasn’t long until he started to warm up to you every lunch until the both of you were exchanging lighthearted banter. Your friendship would only grow from this point onwards until, at the end of your first year during a study session to prepare for finals, where you were both pulling an all-nighter at your house, he’d asked you out. And you said yes, and the both of you had gone from best friends to lovers within the span of a year. The both of you were each other’s first partner, so it made doing things as a couple even more exciting because neither of you had any experience with dates or holding hands or kissing.

Kuni wasn’t a bad boyfriend. In fact, he was very loyal and sweet. He’d stand up for you if anyone was being rude to you or scrutinizing your relationship with hateful eyes. The two of you were nearly inseparable. When you weren’t spending time together in school, you were out doing things together. And when you couldn’t meet up in person, you’d text or call, sometimes talking late into the evening about all sorts of things. You were so immersed in him that you failed to notice the red flags slowly raising over time. But looking back there were a few notable ones.

He never invited you to his house. In fact, you’d never even met his parents, whereas he’d been to your home so often that your family practically became his own. He hadn’t mentioned anything about his family, and if you tried to suggest going to his house for dinner so that he could introduce you to them he was quick to change the subject. For a while you’d push this, more curious than concerned, but eventually you’d drop it when it became clear that he wasn’t going to divulge anything on the matter. That had stung, but you snuffed those feelings in favor of focusing on other aspects of your relationship.

The second red flag was just how clingy he became when the both of you were in your third year, having been together for two solid years. You never noticed it before because you loved him, but when friends had pointed out how attached he seemed—and it was to rather unhealthy levels, according to their observations—to the point where you were the only person he’d ever formed a bond with while at school you started to see the cracks in what felt like the perfect relationship. He’d text you every single day, at every single hour, all the time. He’d call you nonstop, even more so when you didn’t immediately pick up.

The third red flag coincided with the second. When you couldn’t make it to your phone, he was quick to blame himself and those around him for being responsible for your deteriorating relationship. Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me? Did those guys bother you again? They probably told you some stupid shit about me, right? Don’t listen to them. Hey, you’re not mad, right? Call me back. I need to talk to you. Just text me when you can, okay? (Name), please don’t leave me. I’ll fix whatever’s wrong. Just promise you’ll stay. Messages of these kinds were what you could expect to receive from him. He’d fluctuate between self-loathing to loathing those around him within seconds, shoving blame onto classmates who’d bully him for being that “weird emo kid with too many piercings” and anyone else who tried to, in his words, “come between you and me.”

By the end of your third year, you started to fall out of love. He was so very dedicated to this relationship, evidenced by how much effort and care he’d put into it, but his clingy behavior was stifling. You’d lost some of your own friends because he chased them away, and it felt like you couldn’t do anything without him breathing down your neck. If you wanted to go anywhere with a friend or two, Kuni had to be there to accompany you. If you looked at another for too long, he’d think you were cheating. If you didn’t text or call him at certain times, if you failed to pick up, or—Archons forbid—you left him on seen, he’d spiral.

Kuni had this habit of sounding dangerously self-destructive when he feared you were being unfaithful or he thought you were going to break up with him, which meant you’d have to sit on the phone for hours convincing him that you loved him, that you’d never leave him, that you’d always be here for him, that you were sorry for not responding, that he needs to calm down and please, please, please don’t do anything rash. Those phone calls were always so stressful. You cried a lot; you’d beg him to put the knife away when he’d threaten to use it on himself, on you, on anyone who might try to take you from him. And, after a few hours of this, he’d be back to his usual self, as if a switch had been flipped. You could hear his adoring smile in his voice when he spoke, when he’d lovingly whisper into the phone, “I’m happy you’re mine. I love you so much.” And you’d shakily parrot the affirmation, too frazzled to say or do anything else.

One of your best friends Rosalyne, who you’d befriended in the midst of all of this, had been so supportive the minute you spilled the truth to her. Kuni hated her the most because she wasn’t afraid of him. Because she’d shut him down when he tried to pull you away from her. Because she wouldn’t approve of any of his toxicity. Rosalyne would take you on shopping sprees, brunch dates, and jogs at the local park. She was plenty of good to outshine Kuni’s bad, and the more time you spent with her the clearer your head would become. The both of you had plenty of sleepovers together, and she let you rant your heart out while she listened. She’d tell you to break up with him, but you’d agonized over how terrifying that would be. You couldn’t bear to tell Kuni the truth—that you wanted to separate because things had turned so rotten—because you were so scared. Scared of him and what he might do.

Scared that if he really did take a blade to himself it would be your fault. He told you that a lot. That it would be your fault if he did anything. That his blood would be on your hands. You believed him every time.

By your final year, you’d already had a plan for university outlined and you’d started applying to a few in advance. You never told Kuni about any of them because you worried he might apply to each one in hopes of going to the same school as you. And when there was the dance for the graduating class and Kuni had asked you to it, you’d told him you were going with Rosalyne and a few other friends as a group. He didn’t like this, as expected, but you’d been so sick of him and his behaviors that you snapped and spilled everything to him. You’ll never forget the look on his face when you told him that you were done with the relationship and that you never wanted to see him again.

He looked as if he could lunge at you and tear you to bloody ribbons at any moment.

You graduated single and so very refreshed, and your summer had been filled with friends. Kuni didn’t message you at all, which was surprising considering you were certain he’d spam you relentlessly after the break-up. But he never did. In fact, you never saw him again. Graduation had come and gone, and now that you could recover from such a terrible relationship he was becoming less of a burden for you. For a while you were anxious. You kept expecting to receive a phone call or to see some news about Kuni, but neither ever came. Rosalyne told you to stop thinking about him. It would only make you even more paranoid and that wouldn’t do your mental health any good. You were so grateful to have her in your life, but most importantly you were glad Kuni failed to scare her away.

Now you’re a second year in college and things have only gotten so much better for you. You and Rosalyne still keep in touch despite going to different schools. She’d gone to a university in Snezhnaya, while you enrolled in one in Sumeru, and you’ve blotted Kuni from your mind. You’ve made a fresh group of friends while attending classes: criminal justice major Shikanoin Heizou, creative writing major Kaedehara Kazuha, musical therapy major Venti, botany major Tighnari, and so many more wonderful people who have all welcomed you into their circles.

So when Venti drags a familiar face to your usual weekend outing, which is really just a retreat to the forest for drinking and smoking, creeping cold settles into your bones. He looks awkward with Venti’s arm slung around him as the more bubbly of the two drags him towards the bonfire, where you sit with the others roasting marshmallows for s’mores, and it’s a look that is so uncharacteristic on him. What’s even weirder is how friendly everyone greets him—as if they all know him—and you’re completely lost when they turn to you and ask if you’ve met Kunikuzushi.

“No,” you lie through your teeth, forcing a pleasant smile and extending your hand for a stiff handshake, which Venti snickers at. “No, I’ve never met him before.”

Apparently, he’s in one of Venti’s classes—it’s a course he’s taking solely because he needs the credits. Tighnari knows him because they usually work the same shifts at the campus café. Kazuha knows him from his linguistics and philosophy classes. Heizou’s ate with him in the dining hall plenty of times now and they’re also taking the same psychology class. It feels so genuine and yet so fake at the same time. Too perfectly manufactured to be a mere coincidence. But you do your best to push past these suspicions, and when he sits across from you, smiling at you and saying how nice it is to meet you, the warping flames paint his face in devilish shadows. That’s what you think he is when he acts like a completely different person from how he was when you dated: a devil who’s good at being kind and outgoing, noisy and abrupt, and always so foul-mouthed, but in a way that makes him charming. Your friends are so enthralled. They love him and his sense of humor. They love his quick wit. They love how fun he is. And suddenly weekends spent in the forest aren’t so enjoyable.

You do your best to overcome your doubts. For a few months you’re on edge. How he even found you is a mystery. Surely he wouldn’t stalk you and enroll in the same college just to get revenge or…whatever vengeance he wants from you. But when he treats you to coffee, when he brings you and the others pastries every other morning, when he invites the lot of you to study at the library, when he tells the funniest stories while crossed and everyone’s giggling like schoolgirls it really feels like he’s…healthier. Like he’s turned a fresh page in his life and is starting anew. Like he’s changed for the better.

Perhaps he just doesn’t remember you. You’ve changed your style over the years, so it’s possible he’s simply forgotten your image and can’t place memories to your name. Eventually, after soothing yourself with these theories, you begin to accept his presence in the group. He fits in so flawlessly, as if he’s a missing piece to the puzzle, and you can’t believe you’re admitting this, but you like this version of Kuni. He’s confident, not cocky. He’s kind, not rude. He gives everyone space. In fact, he rarely texts frequently in the group chat. And he’s funny! He’s so funny. You don’t think the Kuni from your past was ever as funny as the Kuni who regales everyone with lighthearted stories of how he once took in a stray cat that turned out to belong to his neighbor or how his old job had the strangest customers.

Maybe he truly did change. Maybe all of these coincidences really are coincidences. Maybe it’s for the best that you leave the past in the past.

Finals season looms, and the group hasn’t had time to meet up outside of class. Venti has tried to persuade everyone to come study at his apartment. His roommate won’t care (yes, he will. Xiao hates it when everyone gets blackout drunk and he has to wake everyone come morning), but if you’ve known Venti long enough you’ll know there is no studying that happens at these study sessions. This is probably the reason why he’s had to repeat a year.

With everyone’s schedules packed with academics, it’s difficult to find a time where everyone can get together to study. You think you might just be better off studying on your own, but Kuni’s message of you wanna pull an all-nighter for these lame af finals together?? accompanied with a photo of snacks and coffee, any thoughts of studying alone instantly vanish.

This is how you find yourself in his dorm, sprawled on his bed while he sits on the floor, whacking your dangling feet when they get too close to him. His roommate Albedo is currently out tutoring a few students at the library and won’t be back until much later, so it’s just you, Kuni, and a pile of textbooks and notes. You’ve hung out with Kuni a few times and he was great company during each. You’ve also fallen asleep in his dorm before, when you’d come over to binge a show the both of you enjoy, and you’d lost track of time and had slipped into a dream halfway through the marathon. You’d woken the next morning with Kuni looming over you, grinning deviously and holding an uncapped marker. He’d leaned down and whispered, “You drool in your sleep,” and you’d swatted at him and groused about how you were sleeping so peacefully when he just had to ruin your sleep (and your face) with his antics. And then there was that time when you were so drunk at that one party and you could hardly stand, he’d been there to help. He even stayed with you for the rest of that night, offering his assistance when you became nauseous or needed water or a snack until you passed out.

Despite your initial apprehensions, you consider him a friend. He’s no one nearly as close as Rosalyne or your other friends. He’s just a mutual friend, someone you’ll spend time with when you feel like it, but you don’t truly need him in your life. That, and part of you still struggles to trust him after all of the stress and unhealthy obsession he subjected you to.

“Kuni,” you whine, lifting your head from the textbook. “Can you get me some water? I’m thirsty.”

“Do I look like your maid?” he snaps, immersed in organizing his notes. “Get it yourself.”

“I’m picturing it now and you’re in a frilly dress and—”

“Forget I asked.” Setting his notebook down with an exaggerated sigh, he crosses the distance to the mini fridge and withdraws a bottle of water.

Grinning, you slide off of his bed and reach for it with a grateful hum. He smirks and takes a step back, holding it away from you.

“Seriously…”

Rolling your eyes, you lunge for it and he side-steps you with the practiced grace of a cat. You brace yourself against the wall and swipe at him. Again, he dodges, unscrewing the cap and shaking the bottle teasingly.

“I think I’ll take a sip for myself. All of this studying has left me so parched.”

“No fair! That’s mine!”

“Is it?” He pulls it away from his lips to observe the bottle and feigns surprise. “That’s weird. I don’t see your name on it.”

“Look closer!” you exclaim, but just as he’s about to humor you you pounce, tackling him to the ground—there’s a beanbag cushion that breaks your fall—and the water spills all over the both of you in the midst of the tumble. A slew of colorful words stick in Kuni’s throat and your laughter rings out melodiously. You seize his wrist and hold it down while reaching for the bottle in his other hand, where there’s still some water left. He struggles halfheartedly, relinquishing the bottle with a disinterested scoff, and you pull away from him to down what’s left.

While crushing the plastic bottle into a ball, you notice something on your palm—the palm that had grabbed Kuni’s wrist—and it takes a minute before the skin tone-colored substance registers in your mind.

Concealer.

You peer at him and notice that he’s cradling his arm, and confusion sprouts.

“So funny,” he spits with a hollow laugh. “You owe me a new beanbag if this one’s ruined.”

“Hey, hold on. What’s with the—”

“Forget it. You got your water, so let’s get back to studying. Or do you no longer want to be a perfect student?”

Without thinking, you grab his arm as he’s standing and when you look at his forearm you can see where the water’s started to wash the concealer away. Curiously, you scrub at it while he tries to yank his arm away, but when you unearth a dozen scars littering his wrist and climbing the length of his arm that creeping cold from before returns.

And suddenly you’re brought back to those phone calls—the ones where he’d threaten suicide and murder—and you stumble back as if you’ve been burned, half-expecting to hear those threats once more. Kuni’s staring at his wrist, his features twisted in grim disapproval, and for a moment you think he looks…hurt. Or maybe that’s sadness you see. Whatever emotion it was, it doesn’t linger because a quiet chuckle slips past his lips, and the sound is so very frigid it has your blood crystallizing.

“It really hurt when you said you never wanted to see me again.” Kuni peers down at you, and his eyes that had once been so bright and filled with light are dull and dark. “But nothing hurts more than loving you.”

You open your mouth to say something—anything—but the words won’t come. You’re rooted to the ground, horror slinking through your body and rendering you immovable. Your heart is in your throat, pounding so loudly it’s practically a drum, and a cold sweat washes over you.

“Each time I found myself hating you, I thought it was odd because I love you so much. I can’t possibly hate the one I’ve loved all this time.” He scowls. “But loving you hurts. Loving you feels like chewing glass and drinking poison. Loving you isn’t fair because while you moved forward with your ‘friends,’ I was forced to stay behind and pick up the pieces of what was left of you. So for every moment I couldn’t stand you, I tallied it on myself so that I’ll never forget the times I loved you so much I hated you.”

This can’t be happening, you’re thinking, curling your hands into trembling fists. He changed. He changed, right? This isn’t the same Kuni from before. This isn’t…

“And when I saw how well you seemed to be doing without me, I hated you even more.” Without warning, he’s grabbed your arm and hoisted you up. You open your mouth to scream, but no sound comes—not that anything could when he’s pulled a switchblade from his pocket and poised the pointed tip at your jugular. “You have poor taste in friends. Those guys suck.”

Tutting, he shakes his head at you like a parent might when scolding a child, and says, “Do you know how fucking tiring it was pretending? You think I care about pastries and stupid campfire stories? You really think I’d ever want to associate myself with that sorry lot?”

“K-Kuni, please let go of me. I… I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were—I’m sorry. So please just…”

“And then the first time you see me after all these years apart and you had the gall to lie to my face! ‘I’ve never met him before.’ Bullshit. You just didn’t want any of your loser friends to know our history, right? Because you’re ashamed to have known me, right?”

“That’s not it! I… I was just—I didn’t… I was… I just…”

“I… I… I…” he mocks, shoving you down onto the beanbag. It dips under the sudden weight, and you sink further into it when he points the blade at you. “Stop tripping over your tongue. I should be the one near tears! You cast me aside and then forgot all about me. You abandoned me when I needed you most.” His voice cracks at that last sentence, and your heart skips erratically.

“That’s not what happened! We needed space. I needed space. You were being too—” You stop yourself, unsure of how to phrase it. Too controlling? Too dangerous? Too scary?

“Lucky for you, I’m willing to overlook these past...slights.” The blade twirls effortlessly in his grasp, and you heave a relieved breath when he’s no longer pointing it in your direction. “Marry me and we’ll forget all about the past. We’ll start over.”

His demand almost stops your heart altogether. You stare up at him, mouth agape, and mumble a disbelieving, “What?”

“You heard me.” He seems to soften with his next words, and for a moment he looks and sounds like the Kuni who hangs out with you and your friends. The harmlessly fun Kuni who always takes such good care of you. “You’re the only one I’ll ever love, so let’s get married.”

“K-Kuni, I can’t... I really can’t...”

Within seconds the blade has found itself on his wrist, pressing into delicate flesh. Not enough to cut, but if he applies more force you’ll definitely see blood. You choke on a horrified gasp.

“What was that?” He raises his brow at you, challenging you with a calm smile.

Your mind reels in an effort to conjure a plan. What can you even do? If you take the blade from him, will he turn his anger on you? Will you have to wrestle him into submission? And if you do manage to get out of his dorm, will anyone believe you? He’s painted himself in such a pleasant light. Your friends love and trust him! So what can you say? And if there isn’t any solid proof, no one will even entertain bringing the authorities into this mess.

“I’m waiting, (Name). Are you really going to make me add another tally? Do you really want me to hate you again? Oh, but maybe I should start marking you! We can add a slice for each time you failed to love me. That way we’ll both look like used cutting boards.”

You need help, you want to say, but the words escape you.

Instead, you nod hastily and say breathlessly, “Okay, yes! I’ll marry you!” Swallowing your horror, you glance at the blade as it’s lifted from his skin. Thankfully, there isn’t a cut. “I... I’ll marry you, Kuni. So... So please don’t hurt yourself. Please.”

It feels like you’ve been strangled for an eternity, so when he finally pockets the blade the air in your lungs returns and you collapse against the beanbag, chest rising and falling in short, panicked breaths. 

“Good.” He bends down to your height, grips your chin with cold fingers, and forces you to meet his adoring stare. “We’ll look at rings tomorrow. Or maybe you’d prefer bracelets instead? I can be flexible but only for you, so you’d better be grateful.”

You swallow rising bile and nod. “T-Thank you.” You’re not sure why you’re thanking him when he hardly deserves it, but it feels like the right thing to say to ease the tension.

Kuni’s eyes sparkle, no longer a void of endless darkness, and when he leans in to capture your lips in his your heart sinks. You really can’t run from your past, can you?

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: You First {One-Shot} ***

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Warning: Plenty Of Words, Cursing, NSFW, 18+ Mature Content, Male & Female Receiving,

Words: 7.3k

Summary: Nah!

Note: Written on my phone's Notes app, so please forgive any weird spaces or if the look of this is off.

As always, thank you for reading. I appreciate it. I hope you enjoy this.

If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!!

***NOT Edited/Proofread***

You stared at the text then busted out laughing yet again. This time you couldn't control yourself. You let it all out not caring how loud you were.

"This fool," you said between gasps of air.

Was that supposed to be a love confession? Was that his way of saying he loved you or wanted to lock you down?  The more you thought about it the more you laughed. This fool couldn't be serious about anything. He always had some kinda joke or funny comeback. At the beginning of the text your heart melted, then at the end your eye roll took over. Did he make this graphic himself? Had he busted open a quote creator app and gotten carried away?

Sighing, you decided to fuck with him. After finding your own quote creator app you got busy creating. It took almost 10 minutes to finish because you quickly got sucked into the process and wanted to make it pretty. You looked it over again then hit send.

The longer you admired your creation, the more you thought you did pretty good.

MSG Lewis:  Are you being serious right now?

As you giggled you typed out your reply.

MSG: Of course! I never lie about put me in the grave stroke game. It's so rare it must never be spoken about unless absolutely true or else you'll never experience it in life.

MSG Lewis:  🙄.

Again, you laughed.

MSG Lewis: See that's what I'm talking about. We're on the same wave length. You get me.

Snorting, you thought about his words.  He was right. You did get him. Often times you knew what he meant halfway through his sentence or knew how he felt just by looking at him, or even knew what he wanted without him uttering a single word. Sometimes you thought your connection was unsettling and it had taken many months for you to even embrace it and accept it for a cosmic connection. Now all you waited for were the 3 little words from his lips. 3 little words he'd been tight lipped with, 3 little words you could tell were at the tip of his tongue but dissolved whenever his brain and instincts entered the chat.

It wasn't that Lewis was a commitmentphobe. He liked all the perks of having a ride or die in his corner,  the support, the loyalty, the bomb sex, the intimacy, the comforting feeling of not going through life alone. He cherished all of that but a lot of times his battle with conquering and progression clouded things. He feared an unfulfilled life, feared not meeting all his goals on his endless list of goals that doubled and even tripled with each milestone he reached. He feared getting lost in anyone for fear of losing himself and his way. 

You'd seen that red flag that waved vigorously over his head the first time you spoke with him. It was a red flag that never went away but it was a red flag that your red flags enjoyed playing with. 

He didn't want to lose himself and neither did you. He wanted companionship and so did you. He wanted loyalty, support, bomb sex, a ride or die in his corner, intimacy that rivaled any other that others experienced, comfort, and goddamn it, so did you. He didn't want to depend on anyone or need someone, and fuck outta here neither did you. 

So, the musical chairs game you played worked well. There were kinks but the way the two of you were in your own personalities, those kinks always worked themselves out. This game, song and dance had been going on for 4 years now.  4 years of no strings attached companionship, loyalty, bomb sex, someone having your back, intimacy and comfort. 4 years of dating in the open in secret. 4 years of this connection and still neither of you had said the words. 

You wondered if it had turned into a game without either of you acknowledging it. Had there been times when the words were at the tip of your tongue? Sure. However you kept a tight chain on that shit because everyone knew that lose lips sink ships. Plus you weren't about to be the one at his mercy,  no matter how strong what you felt for him was.

MSG: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get you as much as you get me.

Putting your phone to the side, you tried to buckle down on the last bit of work so you could enjoy your 4-day weekend ahead.

MSG Lewis: Since I get you and you get me, when can I have you?

Just like that, you were distracted once again.

MSG: Depends. How do you want me?

MSG Lewis: Oh I think you know the answer to that already.

MSG: Nope. Tell me. I'm clueless.

MSG Lewis: I want you bent over the table on my penthouse balcony. Since I walked in and saw it the other day, I haven't been able to atop thinking about it.

MSG Lewis: I want you on your knees in front of me in broad daylight on that same balcony with my dick so far down your throat you can't breathe.

MSG Lewis: I want you against the wall of the pool here. The lights change color depending on the movement of the water and the sounds around. I want to see what pattern your moans make.

Your jaw was dropped, imagination running wild, and panties soaked. Fuck, you thought. For several minutes you just played through each of those fantasies. You didn't even realize how long you'd been trapped in them until your phone rang out startling you. When you saw it was Lewis, you took a few breaths to calm yourself. There was no way you were going to let him know he affected you.

"Hello?

"Were you just touching yourself?"

You scoffed, "I see you think very highly of yourself."

"Just asking."

"Not at all. I'm actually working."

"Boo."

"Says the workaholic."

He chuckled and the deepness of the sound sent a zing of electric current right to your lady parts.

"Mm."

"What was that little butterfly?"

"Nothing. That's a stupid nickname by the way."

"Oh, it definitely was something especially since you're trying to deflect from it by clowning the nickname I gave you. Do you remember why I gave it to you?"

You rolled your eyes.

"Nope. Forgot long time ago."

You were full of shit, you knew it and he knew it.

"Bullshit," Lewis called before continuing, "How could you forget that afternoon we spent having high tea at the garden? Well, we were supposed to be having high tea, instead my head was buried between your thighs barely touching you except for the lite barely there butterfly flicks of my tongue against your clit."

He moaned then and you couldn't help but slip your fingers to the place where you wanted them most. Well, you really wanted his fingers but yours would have to do.

"You remember now, little butterfly?"

Your finger swirled around your slick bud not wasting time with teasing. You wanted a release, and you wanted it now. Truth be told you were quite fond of the nickname. It brought back wonderful memories. Memories of a warm rays beaming on your skin, a gentle breeze caressing your back as his fingers did the same to your inner thigh. What a feeling to be Rosé tipsy and getting amazing head. Not much else could compare in the world.

"Mm you tasted better than those strawberry shortcake scones," Lewis teased.

The more he spoke the faster your finger swirled and the faster your finger swirled the shallower your breathing became.

"Oh little buttlerfly I can hear your breathing. Are you touching yourself to my voice? Using the dirty things I say to get a nut? Does it feel good?"

"Mm."

It was the softest of whimpers, but you knew he heard it. In response, Lewis let out a deep moan and you felt that moan right between your legs.

"Fuck, Lewis," you rasped.

"Tell me does it feel good, Y/N?"

"Ye--," you gasped as a strong wave of pleasure hit you. "Yes!”

"How good?"

"So fucking good," you replied already in a frenzy.

"As good as my fingers? "

You groaned, "No."

"As good as my mouth?"

Your panting turned to whines now as you felt how close you were. "No ne-never."

"As good as this long, thick dick?"

"Oh fuck..."

You heard his muffled grunting and knew he was doing the same thing you were. For a man of immeasurable control, you always pulled him to this point.

"I want your tight little pussy wrapped around my dick right now. I want to fuck you until you can't walk, speak, or even comprehend the English language. Fhhhuck!”

"I'm gonna cum Lewis I'm gonna--gonna...

"Cum with me little butterfly."

On command, your entire being shook as you found your release. Your high-pitched wails filled the room, and you couldn't care less who heard you. You were sure they'd heard far worse through your walls.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Lewis groaned.

You could hear him panting as he tried to get himself back under control.

"Come see me this weekend. I miss you."

"This weekend as in tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I know we have an agreement for at least 48 hour notice but---."

The silence stretched for a while.

"But?"

He sighed, then came rustling as you assumed he changed his positioning.

"I really do miss you," Lewis said, his voice soft and sincere.

You picked up on something else in it...something close to longing. You sat extra still and contemplated his words, allowing them to fully sink in. He sounded so vulnerable so delicate.

Oh boy, here you go, your brain said to your heart before you replied.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You don't know what divine and holy being you had to thank for everything coming together so effortlessly and flawlessly. Somehow you'd managed to snag a squeeze in, last minute show up appointment at your body spa for the works, nails, massage, wax, etc. You even managed to procure all the items from your favorite brands for the weekend in just 3 hours.

Things continued to move smoothly when you breezed through packing, an act that usually would take hours and inconceivable degrees of stress on the PS scale, and managed to be 100% put together in the back of the chauffeured car on the way to the private tarmac just after 1pm the next day. This had to be a record.

By the time you landed in Qatar, the sun was still high in the sky, and you felt like you were seconds away from evaporating into a sparkling plume of magical melanted fairy dust. You knew Lewis was probably with the team trying to tweak his car and come up with strategies for his upcoming race and you didn't want to interrupt but you now felt the magnitude of how much you'd missed him.

The debate in you went for the duration of the drive to Lewis' hotel and at the last minute you decided to just go to the hotel and push those feelings down. You didn't want to be the one who fell first. The drive was peaceful and scenic. Every sight you passed you gaped in awe. There was something so majestic about simple surroundings with mind-boggling architecture that encapsulated a country in the best of the past and the future. When you walked into the penthouse you received a message from Lewis.

MSG Lewis: Landed?

MSG: Yep.

MSG Lewis: On your way to the paddock?

MSG: Nope.

That was the last message you got from him until he walked inside the penthouse 4 hours later. The sun was setting beautifully over the sky, bathing everything in milky oranges, purples and reds setting the scene with the dinner you'd just finished cooking in the state-of-the-art kitchen. Yeah, you could have ordered room service, but you wanted to give him one of his favorites authentically made. The soft instrumentals playing made it so you didn't hear him come in. It wasn't until Roscoe jumped up on your leg did you realize you weren't alone anymore.

"Oh my goodness, Roscoe. Hi baby. How are you?"

You were stooping rubbing the fashionable bulldog down and cuddling him close. You'd missed him and from the way he lapped at every inch of exposed skin you could tell he missed you too.

"Have you been a good boy for daddy? Have you? Yes? Oh, you're so cute."

You peppered kissed along his frame then gathered him in your arms. Roscoe took full advantage and attacked you with licks, pinning you down. You giggled and wiggled trying to hide your mouth from him. You loved him to death, but you kissed no dog on the mouth.

From somewhere to the side, you heard a series of tongue clicks and seconds later Roscoe climbed off of you and padded away. From your lying position, you saw Lewis standing there with Roscoe assuming his perfectly trained position, right at his feet.

"What are you jealous?"

The corner of his mouth twitched. You stood and rearranged your form-fitting jersey dress and saw Lewis' eyes rake over your frame. His eyes rested at your hips which the dress accentuated, and a smirk slipped across your lips.

"I dont get jealous," Lewis said.

You snorted knowing he was the one who was full of shit now. He'd never admitted it, but you knew there had been several occasions where his jealousy manifested in the form of a back breaking, cervix bruising fuck all because of the attention you drew in his presence.

"Thats the hello I get little butterfly?"

Scoffing, you crossed the room to him then wrapped your arms around him pressing up so close to him your bodies melded perfectly. Lewis let out a soft sigh as he reciprocated your action. The longer you remained in his arms the tighter he held you.

"Mm, you smell good," you mumbled against his neck.

Lewis pulled back then gazed into your eyes, "So do you."

His lips softly pressed to yours, surprising you. You expect something more fevered and frenzied but there was nothing frenzied about the way his lips moved across yours. The languid way his tongue coaxed your lips apart continued with the way it stroked and wrapped around yours. He was taking his time, pressing this moment to his physical memory banks. When his hands slid down to rest on your hips, he pulled you closer and a groan slipped from him vibrating against your lips.

Lewis' fingertips pressed roughly into your flesh and the heat from him seared the fabric of your dress and branded you. "Mm."

When he pulled back, his forehead was pressed against yours. "Thank you for coming," he whispered.

Holy shit you thought. This was new somehow. There was something about this exchange that felt different from every other one over the years. The way your heart thundered against your rib cage was also new and because of how close you were, you worried he could feel it. Just as you were going to pull away from him, you looked up into those dangerous burnt honey and bourbon eyes and you were trapped, captivated and so ready for him.

The moment was thick with the promise of more but then Roscoe cut the sexual tension with a bark. That was where you found the strength to tear yourself from him creating space as you wondered what the fuck that was.

"Hungry? I made your favorite."

Lewis rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head as if he too had been greatly affected by whatever that was just now. 

"Starving."

"Cool. I set the table on the balcony. Thought we could eat out there," you said walking back to the kitchen counter.

"Need help?"

"No. You and Roscoe go sit I'll be out soon."

Lewis lingered for a few moments before he walked off to the balcony with Roscoe trotting behind him. You busied yourself plating up the meal you'd made with him in mind. Then you plated Roscoe's vegan feast. When you put his bowl down, Roscoe immediately went for it.

"Roscoe, what do you say?"

Like the obedient pup he was, he stopped in his tracks before he buried his face in the bowl then yipped at you before circling you once and giving your exposed leg a lick. Your heart melted.

"Good boy," Lewis rewarded.

Roscoe then happily dug into his food as you placed the rest of the plates on the table. Before you pulled out your chair, Lewis beat you to it. He was always the perfect gentleman but because of the moment you shared earlier this also felt different.

"Thank you."

"It smells amazing," Lewis complimented as he prepared to dig in.

You watched him take a hearty forkful then smiled when his eyes lit up. He moaned and added another forkful before finishing what was already in his mouth.

"Mm."

You giggled and followed his action. He was right. It was good, you knew that though. As you ate, he told you about his last few weeks of work and play. He told you about the week he'd spent with Miles in Japan and the latest on his niece and nephew and other family members. Then he listened attentively as you spoke about your last few weeks and the details of how you'd spent your time away from him.

By the time dinner and dessert were finished and the sun had long set, you continued to listen as he spoke of his day and the changes they'd made for the next race. He looked tired as if this chosen career was taking its toll. A sudden urge to give him a massage washed over you and without thought you stood, moved behind him and did just that. As expected, his shoulders were tense.

Almost as soon as you started Lewis moaned then relaxed under your hands. His words stopped and the only sounds around you were the sounds of Roscoe peacefully napping at your feet and the quiet nature sounds of Qatar. The longer you massaged you found yourself relaxing as if this was as natural to you as breathing. When you felt Lewis' head resting against your stomach you looked down and found his eyes staring at you with nothing but tenderness and awe. It was then you realized how very domestic this was especially right now.

Lewis' eyes continued to bore into you making it impossible to look away. Gradually your hands slowed until they came to a complete stop. One thing that did not stop was your heart. It pounded loudly in your ears, and you knew he could either hear it or feel it. You tore your eyes from his and looked into the sky at the full moon.

"U-uh--um...this is amazing, so beautiful," you stuttered as you stepped away from him ready to clear the dishes away.

Before you made it, Lewis grabbed your hand and pulled you to him bringing you down into his lap. Again, on instinct you wrapped your arms around his neck while his engulfed your waist.

"Did you miss me, Y/N?"

His voice was low, only loud enough for you to hear. You watched him rake his eyes over every inch of your face before he gazed back into your eyes.

"Did you miss me?"

It was a cop-out; he'd told you that he did last night. Lewis smirked then sighed as he tipped his head back to look in the sky. Nudging his chin up to it, he spoke.

"I’ve looked at that moon every night no matter where I've been for the last 5 weeks, and I thought of you."

You looked across to the full moon then back at him. He looked as if he were having an internal debate over something. He remained quiet for several long moments and when he spoke again, what he said surprised you.

"I thought what is she doing right now? Is she looking at the same moon? Does she miss me? Is she having fun right now or is she home unable to shake the inexplainable blues? Or am I out of sight and out of mind? Is she smiling at someone else right now the way she smiles at me or letting them kiss on her? Is she working herself into the ground or unable to get up because of how crippled she is with this confusing sadness?"

Lewis took a breath then harshly released it. Keeping his eyes on the moon, he continued oblivious to how you were crumbling before him.

"This moon is the only thing that made me feel closer to you. This moon has seen me do embarrassing things all in the name of you. Things I don't fully understand yet. Things that are completely unexpected especially for me."

You remained silent unable to speak because you knew if you did you would blurt the answers to each and every one of those questions he wondered about. So, you bit your tongue and focused on not crumbling any further and resisting the urge to kiss him. His eyes shifted to you, and everything became too much.

"You’re so beautiful like this," Lewis whispered bringing his hand up to caress your cheek.

"I look jet lagged."

He smiled softly, "You look flawless."

Your stomach did backflips now. Holy hell, the man was on a mission to ruin you.

"I missed you too," you said in a daze.

They were words you hadn't planned on saying, words you'd been trying to keep in for weeks. Words you were reluctant to speak out loud because words carried weight. Words held implications and brought complications. From the way he looked at you now you could tell those complications had just sprouted and had now woven around the two of you. A clean break looked to be something that was quickly drifting out of reach.

Lewis' cupped the back of your head then pulled your lips to his. Kissing you slowly he sparked the desire for him in you that laid just below the surface--always just at the surface. Within seconds you twirled your tongue with his, teasing as good as you got. It didn't take long for the kiss that began slowly and felt timid and investigative to turn sultry. When he moaned against you, yours followed.

You felt like you'd been struck by lightning, but the feeling was 10 times more electrifying as if you stood in the sand in the middle of a storm and the act of lightning striking the sand also set you ablaze wrapping you in a cocoon of flames and electricity. Soon you'd pulled the hair tie from his hair leaving his black and blonde braids free.

Your lungs burned and begged for air--they pleaded for the very sustenance that would prolong your life, but you didn't give them what they craved because you craved something else entirely. Lewis pulled his lips from yours then bombarded your neck with kisses. The more he kissed the hazier everything became. When you leaned back the clatter of dishes brought you back to reality.

"Lewis--the--the dishes," you whispered. Anything louder was above you right now.

"Leave them. It doesn't matter."

Moving you as he pleased, he rearranged your positioning so you were now straddling him.

"The dishes will sit here if--if--."

Lewis claimed your lips again clearly in an attempt to shut you up. You moaned as you felt his hardness press against the quickly dampening fabric of your underwear.

"Lewis," you groaned again.

"Tomorrow’s another day."

With that he went back to your neck this time sucking his path to the one spot he knew you would be powerless to fight against. Your gasp was high-pitched and jagged when he sank his teeth into your flesh.

"Fuck," you croaked as you held onto him tighter. "Lewis."

His lips were on a mission, and it was to make your panties not just damp but soaked. He was well on the right path, and he knew it. The feel of his hand sliding around your waist and against your stomach left a trail of heat and need. Then when he pressed his palm between your breasts right at your sternum, he paused. You knew he was feeling your heartbeat.

Lewis' eyes met yours and the same wild passion you felt thundering inside of you, you saw mirrored back in his eyes, and it scared the shit out of you. He continued to press down sending your back to rest against the edge of the table.

From there he trailed that same hand up, up, up to your neck where he gripped it and squeezed. It wasn't hard enough to cause harm but just enough to thoroughly ruin your underwear. Another moan escaped you and this one was very telling. Lewis brought his other hand into the mix just before he dipped down and cupped your breasts.

"Oh fuck, Lewis," you whined.

The feel of his large hands massaging you sent actual chills through you and made you want him even more.

"I like the way my name sounds from your mouth," he mumbled against your neck never stopping the assault on your skin. If he kept this up, you were sure you'd cum.

At the thought of cumming Lewis doubled down on the spot on your neck while his hands continued massaging your breasts. Every so often he tweaked your nipple through the thin fabric of the dress. His hands left your breasts for a few moments, and you whined, begging him to come back. Lewis gripped your hips as he stood. His body was now keeping you pressed against the table while he slid the dishes to the side of the table away from the two of you, then he plopped you on it.

From your half-lying position, you stared at him taking in how unbridled he looked. His hair hung loose around his face, lips red and swollen, eyes completely glazed as he stared at you like you were his next meal.

"So damn beautiful," he mumbled before he hovered over you and kissed you.

The kiss was so passionate, so deep, and all-consuming that you struggled to hang on to your sanity, struggled to keep yourself restrained so you didn't say something you oughtn't. Lewis kissed a blazing trail down your throat, across your collar then down the center of your body until he nipped at your nipple which strained through the material of your dress begging for more.

"Mmm."

His lips didn't stop there though, when he kissed just below your belly button, he gripped your thighs.

"I'm hungry."

His intention was now crystal clear, and it broke through the haze in your brain. You gaped at him.

"What?! Here? We're outside on the balcony Lewis."

"So what?"

He slowly hiked up the hem of your dress as your brain sputtered, "So what? People could see."

Again, Lewis' response was nonchalant, "So?"

Dropping a kiss to your inner thigh, he sucked onto your flesh making your nether parts twitch and throb. He was not playing fair. Lewis trailed a path of open-mouthed kisses, nibbles and fire to your pelvis. Your body involuntarily lurched upward sending your sex brushing against his jaw. Lewis groaned then cussed.

"For fuck, Y/N, you will be the death of me."

He laid the flat of his tongue against your core then licked upward nudging your clit which felt incredible, so incredible you exclaimed into the night air.

"Baby," you whispered.

"Still stop, little butterfly?"

"What if someone sees? We can end up on TMZ or Daily Mail? If that happens everyone will know, this--this becomes--crazy."

Lewis stared at you really thinking about your words. He looked like he was quickly running through the possibility, but not even a minute went by before he spoke again.

"Listen to me. I want you in every aspect of the word want, everything it epitomizes. Everything."

Lewis scoffed then shook his head. "I want you, Y/N. I want you emotionally, mentally, physically, I want to engulf you, swallow you whole so my entire being captures your entire being."

Holy shit in a manger, you thought as his words washed over you. The intensity in his eyes only stole more of your breath.

"I don’t see outside, I dont see a balcony, I don’t see anything but you…and me."

Lewis laced his fingers through yours holding your hands against the table in the most tender way. His eyes so clear and open bore into you working whatever magic he had that always made you want to give in to him. "Let me have you…all of you. Every inch, every single part that you hide and tuck away, every part that you hold back from me, every layer that you deny. All of you."

Elsa's ice castle had nothing on you, right now in this moment being pinned underneath the last man you had ever expected to fall for, you were completely frozen as every single feeling you were currently feeling came to life in your mind in the form of screams. He'd always had a way with words and right now you decided to be just like Elsa and let it go.

And that was what you did. You let go. You pulled him to you by the collar of his shirt and crashed your lips to his then kissed him like the desperate, needy woman you were. All the weeks of pent-up urges and desires came pouring out of you. You no longer cared to hold back, no longer cared if you slipped up and said something first. He'd just said plenty. Lewis moaned as he battled for control but found no winning ground until he pulled away then kissed down your body again.

With rapid movements he raked your dress up around your waist then pushed your panties to the side. Once you were bare for him, he buried his face between your legs wasting no time on teasing. He licked and sucked at you like he were a starving man and every moment without the sweetness between your thighs caused him mortal pain.

You arched your back off of the table as your moans echoed around you. Resting your hand on his head you used it to center yourself. You knew you weren't going to last long; it had been too long, and you wanted too much. Lewis released your other hand and used his fingers to spread you. He then concentrated attention of his tongue against your clit sent you over the edge and you collided hard into your release.

A long drawn-out screech left you as your body convulsed from the sheer power of your orgasm. The sun had set hours ago but the entire sky lit up again with the oranges, purples, and reds. As you rode the wave of pleasure, Lewis remained between your legs inching you higher and higher with a series of mini orgasms that left his name on your lips.

When he emerged and kissed his way up your body he nuzzled your neck. "You've never shook before," he said looking into your eyes.

"Something is different," you whispered.

He studied you for a few moments then nodded, but before he spoke you kissed him again as you sat up. Taking control, you turned your bodies putting him against the table. Lifting off his shirt, you dropped it to the floor before you attacked his chest and teasing the spot right at his collar.

"Aaah, shit."

You didn't relent hellbent on making him as weak as you'd been moments ago. Lewis gripped the edge of the table as you continued your onslaught of kisses, licks and nibbles across every inch of his exposed flesh. When you made your way down his chest, and across his abs his eyes were glued to you. As you met them, you undid his pants then yanked them down. His hardness sprang free then bobbing in the air before you. Pre-cum dribbled from him while the length of him spasmed. You blew on it, making him groan loudly.

"Fuck don't tease me, Y/N, I can't take it."

You smirked. "As you wish."

With that you took the entire length of him into your mouth bottoming out as you tightened your throat around him.

"Aahggh!”

You moaned when you felt him throb even more from the tight confines you'd forced him into. Your name tumbled from his lips over and over, and as it did you pushed past all the boundaries and things got messier and messier. Each moan of your name sounded softer and softer until he looked to be completely at your mercy.

Before you knew it, Lewis had pulled you to your feet and crashed his lips to yours. His tongue coiled around yours just before he sucked pulling you into a sinful exchange that you desperately wanted more of. As he kissed you, he lifted you securing you on his lap and in the same breath lowered you until he was filling you to capacity.

"Oh fuck!”

Neither of you moved, both of you allowing the moment to consume you. However, neither of you could stand the stillness for long. Lewis lifted your body then lowered you again sending a shiver through you when he nudged deep inside of you. Fuck he felt good, you thought to yourself, throwing your head back.

As he moved you against him, you rocked on him using him to chase your next release. Soon your movements became frenzied, both of you desperate for one another.

"Y/N," Lewis grunted.

Each time you flicked your hips forward, he held you tighter. Soon he was practically dropping you on his cock allowing gravity to do the work. Every time he did that you clenched around him sensing how close you were.

"God, you feel so good baby," you said, holding onto him tightly.

Lewis turned and splayed you across the table spreading your legs wide so he could watch himself slide in and out of you.

"So fucking pretty. Watch me fuck you little butterfly. Watch this thick dick fill you up."

You eased onto your elbows and did as you were told. Your pleasure increased as you watched the sensual act of your coupling. Every few strokes, Lewis slowed down then locked eyes with you.

"Mmm do you see that? Your tight little pussy creams for me."

Dipping your hand down, you swirled your clit then rolled your eyes to the back of your head when that lit a fire for something so intense you could feel it burning through you like a lit TNT fuse.

"Oh god I'm gonna cum," you warned.

"Cum for me little butterfly. Cum all over this dick. Let me see how good I make you feel. How perfect we are for each other."

Lewis circled his hips hitting every angle with precision and without mercy. The pounding of your heart in your ears drowned everything out. The only thing you could focus on was the way your body tingled as if the entire thing was asleep and slowly waking up.

"Yes, yes, yes right there. Right fucking there Lewis!”

When you screamed your body shook again, you'd lost all control. Lewis' lips claimed yours, swallowing your scream but joining you with his own shout. It felt as if he were taking the life from your body but giving you his in exchange, fusing you together in an unbreakable bond. In those seconds that both of you came together you transcended space itself, floating off out of your body to soar in ecstasy just before an inky darkness swallowed you whole.

Slowly your eyes fluttered open and the first thing you noticed was the feel of softens under and around you. It contrasted from one of the last feelings you remembered before your world went dark. You realized in moments that you weren't on the table anymore. Glancing to your right you squinted as bright sunlight assaulted your retinas. A soft groan left you then you rolled to your left hoping to get away from it.

Your arms stretched and you took note of the emptiness beside you. That didn't feel right. You shot your head up and looked around, keeping your eyes squinted. It was either early morning or afternoon and you were not in your own bed. You dropped back down and allowed the memories to come back. When they did, you flopped onto your back and flinched as the throbbing ache of your body became a focal point.

"Jesus. What the fuck Lewis," you groaned reaching between your legs as the ache persisted. When you did that, you felt the soreness of your back and it was then you remembered lying against the stone table as Lewis had his way with you.

Coiling into a ball you flinched at the raw burn of your knees. When you looked at them you saw how bruised and chaffed they were. You recollected kneeling before him as you brought him to the brink of recklessness then again on the table as he buried his face between the full swells of your ass.

'Shit."

Though you were in pain your body thrummed alive with the beginning stirs of desire. Unbelievable you thought. You wanted him even now. Sitting up, you slowly slid to the foot of the bed then took a breath before you stood. Upright the thoroughness of the fucking you'd taken last night washed over you and you smirked because you regretted nothing.

After a piping hot shower where the pressurized showerheads worked magic on your aches, pains and soreness, you felt more human. When you walked out of the bedroom wrapped in your robe you made your way to the kitchen hoping to find some strong Middle Eastern coffee that would make you feel like a NASA rocket.

Before you made it to the kitchen you caught sight of Lewis from the corner if your eye on the balcony working out. He dropped to the floor did 5 perfect push-ups then 5 plank tucks before coming back up to do a sequence of right and left hooks with short jabs. He did it again and again and by the 4th rep your jaw was dropped as you stared at him. His body glistened with sweat and that sweat only made his newfound more defined muscles that much more mouthwatering.

You slurped back the little bit of drool that was almost dribbling from the corner of your mouth, "Holy shit."

Unable to look away you watched him move on to pull ups. With his back facing you, you got the perfect view of his shoulders and the incredible definition of his back. He was gorgeous and you knew then that though you hadn't said the words to him it didn't make it less true. You wanted him and he had you in more ways than you liked.

Unexpectedly, Lewis turned and caught you ogling him. A cheeky smirk stretched across his perfect face, and you knew there was no way to play it off. Still, you tried. Clearing your throat, you walked to the kitchen and said a silent prayer for health and wealth to whoever delivered the coffee then poured some into the ornate and vintage looking tea and coffee cup, then smiled as you took a sip.

"Mm."

The flavors of cardamom, cinnamon, hints of cedar, creamy pistachio and something close to cherry washed over your tastebuds and in seconds you'd finished the cup. It was that good. You poured a second cup then took your tine with it.

You could feel Lewis' eyes burning into you and though he made no sound you knew he was coming to you. When his scent wrapped around you, you sank your teeth into your bottom lip hoping to stifle the moan. He didn't touch you, but you knew just how close he was to you. Just when his proximity alone was causing havoc on your senses, he brushed his lips to your ear.

"Good morning."

The sudden urge to push him against the wall filled you but you resisted.

"Was it? I woke up alone. For a man who said he wanted me here you sure don't show it."

Lewis came around the kitchen island and took a coffee for himself. "Of course, I want you here, Y/N."

You rolled your eyes. "Yet I'm sleeping alone and you're working out."

You were only teasing him but parts if it felt true. Lewis put his cup down and came around to you wrapping his arms around you.

"I'm sorry. When you blacked out last night or this morning for the 3rd time, I put you in bed, but I was still wired, like more wired than I've ever been. I tried everything video games, working, reading, watching tv nothing worked. I just wanted you more and more. This workout took the edge off."

You let his words resonate. Blacked out? Third time? He wanted you? You finished your coffee then walked out of the kitchen toward the balcony. The memories flashed through your head like a movie. You had blacked out 3 times. He'd put in work work.

"So you were trying to hold back your perv tendencies."

Lewis snorted then wrapped his arms around you again.

"If I'm a perv then what does that make you?"

He turned you to face him and you smirked.

"The innocent obviously."

Lewis smiled then caressed your jaw. "I'm sorry I took too much last night."

You studied him for a moment then smiled. "I'm standing and able to walk. I don't think it was too much."

Lewis stared into your eyes trying to figure out if that was true.

"So you're working out because you're still horny."

He licked his lips then slid his hands down your arms.

"I'm working out because I'm wired and--you're not helping with what you're wearing."

His thumbs hooked at the collar of your robe teasing it. You smirked.

"Oh no?"

You pulled the sash then dropped the robe at your feet to stand before him completely bare. Lewis sucked in a sharp breath as his eyes raked over your body. His expression was pained as if he felt tortured.

"You want to not be able to walk or sit right today huh."

With a shrug, you slipped a hand down the front of his basketball shorts then smirked once you had the prize in hand.

"You're already so hard."

Boldness overtook you making you lower to your knees. You ignored the burn from the stretching skin over your knees and pulled him free.

"It's day time little butterfly. Someone could be watching," Lewis cautioned.

You smiled while stroking his length, preparing him for you.

"Then I better give a good show."

With that you lowered your mouth down his need, wasting no time with teasing.  Lewis' hands slipped to the back of your head as he watched you please him. The tight clench of his jaw said he was barely holding on at this point. When he began thrusting forward, pumping your mouth you opened your throat so you could take more of in.

'Aaaagh! You're ruining me Y/N. I'm completely fucking ruined for anyone who isn't you!"

You moaned then slurped your way up his shaft and smiled as you jerked him.

"You like hearing that huh? Like knowing that you've got me to the point where I dream about you at night and fantasize about you during the day. Like knowing that anyone who approaches me to flirt or hint at wanting to be on their knees in front of me like this is met with quick dismissal."

You moaned again then found his dick slipping down your throat. With a few thrusts, Lewis was fucking your throat for his enjoyment and your punishment for your cockiness. He knew you liked knowing that.

"You like knowing that your name is my favorite thing to moan. Like knowing that I only want you, I only want to be around you, I only want to show you these countries, I only want to experience this life with you by my side."

You paused completely shocked at the turn of his confession.

"Lewis--."

"Don't deny it."

He didn't give you the chance to before he shoved his cock right back in your mouth. Taking control, you gave everything you had used all the tricks in your repertoire all in the name of his pleasure. Within moments Lewis grunted and held tightly to your head as he released spurt after spurt of himself down your throat. You moaned as the hot thick substance hit the back of your throat, but you didn't pull away, you locked eyes with him and swallowed everything he gave.

"Fuck!”

Lewis pulled you up then threw you over his shoulder before stalking toward the bedroom. Once there he dropped you onto the bed and watched as you spread wide for him. Lowering himself, he hovered over you then swiped the tip of his hardness across your sex. You shivered then bit your bottom lip.

"You like knowing that you are the only woman I could ever--would ever want to go completely bare with."

His words brought back the memory of just that happening all night and early morning. Lewis watched you waiting for you to say something, object, anything but you didn't. Lewis slowly nudged forward pushing into you so achingly slow making sure you felt every inch, all the stretch as your body tried to accommodate him after it being pushed to the brink hours before. You gasped as the mix of pleasure and pain sent you so close to the edge it became impossible to breath.

Lewis looked as close as you were. With him fully seated inside of you, your eyes lingered as his body did over you.

"I'm yours, Y/N."

Your breath caught and the only thing for you to do was come clean.

"I'm yours."

At first Lewis looked completely surprised but then slowly he smiled.

"Took you long enough."

You snorted. "You still said it first."

Lewis flicked his hips forward making you groan.

"We'll see who says it most."

Drawing his hips back he plowed forward with full force making your eyes roll back and your body quiver. It was going to be a long day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[stellaluna33]

I’ve always disliked the idea that Rory was a pick me girl, most often not people use her conversation with Tristan of all people to prove that she is by using ‘substance’ line. A pick me girl is a girl who will tear down other women for the sake of male validation. Rory doesn’t do that, she especially doesn’t want Tristan’s attention or validation. If anything, she has a not like other girls' mentality, but whose surprised when her mother and town feed into that. That being said, Rory is incredibly cruel to other women, but it's not for male validation It's because she's judgmental just like Lorelei and Emily, it's a trait they all have in common.

Hmm, ok! Thanks for sharing your thoughts! There's a lot here to talk about!

I would agree that Rory does not tear other women down for male validation. She doesn't really care much about male validation in general (the Logan Era might be a slight exception, but Logan is a SPECIFIC guy, and there were other things going into that psychologically for Rory SPECIFICALLY) and would be insulted by the mere idea, haha. In the show, there are boys that like her, because she's the main character of a TV show, but she doesn't usually seek them out. Once she's in a RELATIONSHIP, she does tend to seek approval, but that's because she's a People Pleaser IN GENERAL, not because her boyfriends happen to be Male...

As far as the "not like other girls" thing goes... *sigh* Ok, look. Haha. These conversations are awkward for me, because you probably would have accused ME of being "not like other girls" in highschool. And this RANKLES me, haha! Because I did not put myself in that category. It was the "other girls" who decided I was "not like them," you know? And I guess I wasn't! But WHY should that be shameful?! And my misfit friends and I were probably a bit insufferable about it sometimes when we were teenagers, but that is a defense mechanism. You get told "You're weird" enough times, and you start saying, "Well maybe being Weird is a good thing! Maybe it's BETTER!" And if that's "problematic," shouldn't expecting girls to be "JUST like Other Girls" be problematic too? I just don't think the burden to "support all Women! And don't you dare criticize any of them ever!" should be placed on the girls who got REJECTED by the "other girls!" It just starts sounding like "Conform! Or else you must Hate Women!" "Women" are not all the same! And we shouldn't HAVE to be! I don't think girls should be obligated to like every other girl. Do we expect boys to like every other boy?

ANYWAY, I'm sorry, I'm getting way off track now. 😅 Here's the thing: Rory WASN'T "like other girls." She likes reading and studying and listening to weird music, AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! Why is there something wrong with that?? And I know from experience that liking those things generally didn't make you really popular in school! Rory's classmates think she's weird! And she's not heartbroken about it, because she LIKES WHAT SHE LIKES, and if she thinks her interests are "better," isn't that kind of... Human and natural? Especially for a teenager? I just don't consider that a "red flag" or a character flaw, sorry! My goodness, can't I have ONE girl main character of a teen show who was a bit of a misfit instead of a "cool girl?" (I know I'm probably exaggerating, but Rory was one of the only tv characters I could actually RELATE to as a teenager! 😅😭) Should she have to apologize for it?

Anyway, I also would not say that Rory is "incredibly cruel to other women." I mean, this is the girl who went to her highschool MEAN GIRL BULLY and basically said, "If you're going through something, you can talk to me"!!! Like, that is going ABOVE AND BEYOND, haha! Is she perfect? NO! She's not perfect! Sometimes she's in a bad mood, or gets jealous or bitter! It's not great! Neither Shane nor Lindsay deserved her jealous sniping! (And I think Rory, in hindsight, would probably agree! Rory only had nice things to say about Lindsay before Season 4 anyway) She messed up! I have occasionally said things I regret saying also! And when she wrote the critique of the ballet, it was in the specific context of being asked to be more ruthless by her Editor. So she was ruthless. And felt uncomfortable about it later! But "incredibly cruel?" Rory's INCREDIBLY cruel? When there are characters like Blair Waldorf or even, in this very show, Paris Geller??? I just... don't see it!

Anyway... I'm sorry for all of this ranting, dear Anonymous. 😅 I hope I haven't offended you terribly! It's not your fault you happened to hit several of my personal triggers there! I hope you have a lovely day.

[taylor14firefly]

By Victoria Smith 6 August, 2024 [excerpt] "Greater male upper body strength is a sensitive topic for feminists. Just mentioning it can feel like an admission of female physical inferiority, a confirmation of gender stereotypes, or a needless revealing of one’s own hand (why let the enemy know he has the advantage?). It is of course none of these things. Men are better at running and punching people; women are better at creating new humans and surviving to a very old age. None of this says anything much about our personalities, intellects or personal desires. Nevertheless, sometimes the fact that it is far easier for members of one sex to kill members of the other with their bare hands is socially and politically salient.  Right now there are two athletes in the female boxing category in Paris who are alleged to have XY chromosomes. Imane Khelif and Lin Yu-ting were both disqualified from world championships last year for failing sex eligibility tests (neither pursued an appeal). Rather than insist that both have gone through the same puberty as those of us with XX chromosomes, the International Olympic Committee is defending their current inclusion on the somewhat flimsy grounds that their passports say “female”.  Whatever the truth, I would argue that this debate has exposed something deeply disturbing about attitudes towards male strength and female susceptibility to violence. Namely, far too many people seem to believe — or at least pretend to believe — that female physical vulnerability is a posture, a choice, a prissy performance of femininity. Even if it transpires that Khelif and Yu-ting do not have DSDs and are biologically female, the very fact that this view is so widespread should worry us all.  Many of those seeking to defend Khelif and Yu-ting’s inclusion have wilfully conflated concerns about female safety with prejudice regarding the boxers’ supposedly unfeminine appearance. The Labour MP Zarah Sultana has declared they are under attack for not conforming “to conventional standards of femininity”. In an article for the Independent, Kat Brown claims that being 6��1” and having her “dad’s jawline” would put her in the firing line, too, due to not being “your classic example of 1950s femininity”. These are ludicrous arguments. Not one female boxer can be described as gender conforming (the clue is in “being a female boxer”, something the Olympics did not even allow until 2012). The red flag isn’t hair length or jawlines; it’s those failed eligibility tests.  [...] Whether or not Khelif has XY chromosomes, it is not whiny or manipulative to note that it matters — in the boxing ring, on the street, in enclosed spaces — whether or not someone does. This is an issue that goes way beyond sports. Women and girls are not subjected to an unprecedented degree of male violence because we are too busy policing the boundaries of heteronormative patriarchy to fight back. We don’t identify with being weak; we don’t love it really. There is no connection — none whatsoever — between not being able to hit as hard as a man and being gender conforming. 

In wake of the Olympics boxing controversy, I wanted to bring attention to writer Victoria Smith (aka Glosswitch). She is, arguably, one of the most mainstream voices on radical feminism--feminism on the basis of liberating women from sex-based oppression--particularly in the UK. So much that's called "radical feminist" or attributed to it is flat out slander or projection, and if anyone wants to get a sense of what any "radical feminist" believes, Victoria Smith is a good starting point.

[mangodestroyer]

Has anyone else been the type to give others the benefit of the doubt because people didn't have a good opinion of you growing up? And then later came to regret it?

Personally, as someone who grew up neurodivergent, I was kind of taught that I was the one always causing problems. In fact, some people thought I wasn't neurodivergent and was being a little shit on purpose. I was often told and made to feel like I was this rude, selfish, conflict-causing, horrible individual. And it caused me so much emotional pain because I just couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong, or why people saw me like this (looking back, it wasn't everyone, it was abusive individuals who were like that themselves projecting onto me).

It really did sort of mess with the way I outwardly behaved too. Almost like it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was around so much toxicity, and was accused of being the toxic one so much, I kind of did end up becoming a little toxic. I didn't know how to resolve conflicts in a mature or civil way and was way too quick to anger. It didn't help that I'd grossly read into things so wrong sometimes too, or instead of just walking away from someone who was making me feel like shit, I'd opt to blow up at them instead and make a fool of myself. Or, I'd just not be in a good mood and wished I could get people to understand what I was going through. But I didn't know how to explain emotional abuse/neglect to people or what it even was. I just knew that something was off and I was unhappy. Unfortunately, it was minimized a LOT and people would start getting dismissive with me and act like I was causing drama if I tried to talk about it too much. Sometimes, it felt like I was just cursed or the world really just was against me.

So... as a teenager/young adult, I would go out of my way to give those "awful" and "toxic" individuals the benefit of the doubt. I thought maybe some of them were just going through something very similar to me and they needed someone who would listen to them and understand. I decided it was my obligation to do this. Invest in their emotional well-being rather than my own.

And that's exactly how I ended up in a relationship with my ex. At first, she acted like someone who had so much in common with me. And then she talked about some of the things that happened to her and I became very invested in her emotionally WAY TOO SOON. Her problems became my problems too. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt with her red flag behaviors. For instance, she told me both of her exes never cared about her. Neither did any of her friends. They all just "abandoned" her "out of nowhere." Nor did her relatives seem to care about her. No depth or introspection about these situations either. Everyone just abandons her for the Hell of it, ig. Which... is a red flag. A CLASSIC one I've been warned about many times in the past. Hell, even people who aren't aware of red flags and shit just know to avoid that person who always claims that "everyone leaves them eventually." But guess what I did? I ate it right up! I said, "Now wait a minute, what if life's just been hard on her and she really did meet some shitty people who don't care about her? I've struggled with interpersonal relationships too and I know what it's like to be alone!"

And guess what happened? I started getting accused of all sorts of shit in the relationship. All my boundaries were just me being too difficult. I was accused of starting arguments. I was told that I am manipulative. And guess what else? She also told me it feels like I don't care about her. Two years later and I realized I was in a very unhappy relationship with someone who acts like a literal child (tantrum throwing, silent treatment, and everything!) I realized she became a completely different person within the span of two years. She went from really loving me to acting like I was ruining her life with how awful and annoying I am. And I thought I made that happen! I thought I really was so awful that I made someone who was once so sweet and open-minded go insane. I knew I had to leave her because, tbh, I no longer even felt safe being with her, and I certainly wasn't happy. I also thought I was a fuckup and should just stay away from people. Or die. It took a few months for me to start Googling what the fuck just happened, after processing it for a while. And then I realized that this was a very abusive relationship and I just got manipulated pretty badly.

Thing is? It's not the first time I fell for something like that. I used to fall for a lot of shit abusive individuals would throw at me. I used to fall for their games all the time and just let them trample my boundaries. For instance, I remember having some online friendships where I'd basically let the other person neg me and make me feel small or like a piece of crap because I was convinced that I needed to be fixed in some way, and that they were better than me and so I should be happy they even want to talk to me. One friend in particular used to make me feel so awful about my writing, but I was convinced they were being constructive and doing me a favor (even though they'd pick a part literally EVERYTHING I did and act like I was being immature if I didn't agree with everything). And I did improve my writing skills because of them. But I also didn't want to write for the longest time. There was another friend who really went out of their way to misinterpret what I said and freak the fuck out at me. Going on long tangents and everything. And then acted like I was so fucking immature and taking it too far if I was clearly upset that I caused such a reaction. And proceeded to act like the bigger person by making it a point to "forgive" me and still be my friend. In fact, every abusive person I know likes to play that game of acting like you're awful and they have genuine beef with you. Treating you like you're the one who is so fucked up and they're doing you a favor by still being your friend.

And then there was my roommate, who really was something else...

Well, thankfully, I reached a point where I just had enough and didn't want to spend the rest of my life living like that. I'm sure as hell pretty jaded at this point, as it's been proven to me time and time again that not everyone I interact with has good intentions. And life just feels so much easier when you aren't CONSTANTLY trying to cater to others and choose their happiness over your own. Rn I am a little lonely, but it's so much better than chasing after bread crumbs of affection and wondering wtf you keep doing to "mess up" your relationship with a difficult individual (who probably just finds your willingness to please hilarious and gets high off the power trip, as this sort of just is the psychology behind abusers). Hadn't even realized I was basically in my own mental prison until I got out of it.

Seriously, going out of your way to try and please people who can never be pleased is so draining. Some people really are energy vampires. And sadly, I think some of us were groomed from a very young age to want to please people like that. And yes, I say groomed because it really does feel like I was trained to be way too subservient as a child.

It's its own kind of Hell and it's hard to even know you need to escape from it. Because you're so brainwashed into thinking this is normal. I've wasted years of my life being confused and hurt and feeling like my efforts meant nothing. I still have health problems from dealing with these kinds of relationships. And it's both relieving and sad to realize that I never even needed to do any of that. Get so invested in pleasing others. I don't do this anymore and my quality of life has greatly improved. So has my mental health (even if that's still a struggle). For one, I no longer feel like I'm carrying a large burden. I feel LIGHT. I can also think more clearly too because I am getting comfortable with having autonomy and I trust myself more. I never thought it would be a thing!

In conclusion, maybe it's okay and completely necessary to sometimes be selfish.

[do-androids-dream-ao3acc]

Keep Your Secrets and Rain on Me

Eskel/Geralt, 847 words, M

Outwardly, he's a monster to some. Both of them are, in fact. Eskel doesn't feel that way, though the true marvel to him is that Geralt still thinks the same way. It's nonsensical to compare, there's no vanity in their world, and it would be silly to count scars. 

Other things count. A gentle touch, a prolonged glance; passion hidden in both of them. A connection that has lasted for decades. Something closest to love, even if it's never spoken - another thing that doesn't exist for witchers. 

So he tells himself - both of them do, in fact - that it's a lack of other (better?) opportunity. The urgent fulfillment of a need. Maybe even nostalgia. Winters are long in Kaer Morhen, and however cold it may be, one thing they say about witchers is true: their libido rarely suffers. 

There is nothing to discuss, nothing to ask; no who-with-whom in the time they have not seen each other. Discretion is important, even if they both suspect that these walls carry many a secret. And yet. Part of the allure is meeting at midnight in the dusty, half-forgotten library, or atop the small tower whose battlements crumble like so many other things here. 

Wherever it happens, the chance of being caught exists, if perhaps only in their minds, and that's why they love each other as passionately as they do frantically. It's unfortunate, because Eskel would love to savor the moments. He'd like more time to just stroke that soft, light hair, follow Geralt's chin line with his fingers, and press his mouth to that one, pulsing spot on his neck. 

He'd like to enjoy it more, to feel himself deep inside the other, to be the one causing that delicate little gasp as he slowly, very slowly pulls back, only to thrust forward all the more violently. He'd like to put his hands even tighter on those pale thighs, to pull him even closer; would like to put his lips hungrily on Geralt's lips, entwine his tongue as if to devour him. 

Maybe that's it. He wishes to be a part of Geralt, not just in these moments. Not just flesh on flesh, momentary satisfaction, quick thrusts and wet hands. But Geralt is Geralt, special through and through, different even among the different. Eskel looks at the white hair and remembers that it was once red, remembers everything: their first time, the very first wonder, the very first feelings. Embarrassed blemishes on the cheeks and uncertain fingers. The first time to encounter Geralt's lips on his, Geralt's mouth everywhere. 

They hardly ever do that today. Their kisses fulfill distant needs, like pent-up lust that neither of them can actually satisfy. They're both unsteady, unable to bond in the long run, albeit for very different reasons. Yet Geralt's notions are increasingly distant, it seems. His movements are still passionate, he braces himself against Eskel, claws into him, meets him, the friction is still unbearable and wonderful. But there is something mechanical about it, for both of them, in fact. The climax must be reached sooner, faster and faster, as if it were some kind of race. 

And in the end they are satisfied, of course. But are they happy? 

There is no happiness for witchers. Eskel believes that luck is a flag in the wind, and moreover, something that is directed toward the future. Their lives are too uncertain to be oriented around the future. There's the now and today, and you take what comes. 

That's why it doesn't matter what Geralt thinks about, who he thinks about. When Eskel touches him, he still shivers - both of them, in fact. He still leans on the hand that touches his cheek, comfort, consolidation. Sometimes Eskel thinks that must feel like ghosts of the past to them both. And yet. Geralt still smiles when he looks at him and winks, hinting at that tiny nod of his head; their secret sign. His eyes still light up when their fingertips touch on the way out. 

And he still responds as he did before, his gasp real, his arousal true; it is Eskel who causes this, and it makes him proud. Pride is not an emotion that witchers should know either, it makes them sluggish and careless. But in these small, stolen moments with Geralt, it doesn't matter. When Eskel is on him, above him, inside him, surrounding him and taking him in, that's enough. These are his moments when Geralt belongs to him, if only briefly. The minutes when their bodies are as close as their hearts should never be, were never allowed to be, could be. 

Eskel forgets and enjoys and seizes the moment. He’s careful not to lose himself in the golden eyes, and yet he knows that it is too late for that. He leads, and he takes, and at the same time he gives everything he has, every single time. They both do, to different degrees, for different reasons. They take and give something that is as fleeting as the wind and yet a thousand times more precious.

[solkatti]

with the announcement of the great ace attorney i'd like to ask that everyone please refrain from creating or engaging with art that has the rising sun design on it.

tl;dr: it symbolizes the glorification of japanese imperialism so using it sucks.

not tl;dr, everything below the read more.

(tws for below include: discussion of colonization and imperialism, multiple examples of the rising sun motif being used)

(img: the current japanese flag. a white background with a red circle in the center)

this is the japanese flag used today. it’s different from what i’m about to talk about -- this one’s fine, it’s just a flag!

(edit: i put this image as the first one because i got sick of seeing rising sun flag in my notifs)

img: a red circle with alternating red and white stripes coming from the center. sometimes the white stripes are yellow or another pale color, but the design is very distinct.

i’m talking about this flag. for those who don't know, the rising sun motif is a common symbol in a lot of japanese art and design. its motifs (those red and white (sometimes pale yellow) alternating rays) show up quite a lot in anime, games, and decorations around and from japan. they shouldn’t.

nowadays, the rising sun carries a storied and extremely bloody history. to the nations and people japan invaded, it symbolizes that colonization and the numerous war crimes that japanese soldiers and government committed. i don’t really want to get into it so google "japanese imperial war crimes" if you don't already know. they were an empire. they colonized. you can probably guess the rest.

the japanese government still refuses to take accountability for their crimes, and even goes as far as to deny they ever happened. no apologies have been issued, ever, and even some japanese textbooks refuse to even acknowledge the subject. (this article’s from 2013 but it’s still applicable.)

so using it as a decorative element in your artwork, as you might guess, raises some issues. it would be like hanging a confederate flag as aesthetic flair at your american diner (and i know some places do that. they shouldn’t.)

(img: two screencaps from persona 5. on the left, the original version, where ryuji’s shoes have the rising sun emblem embroidered on the side. on the right, the version released in korea, where the shoe is white.)

(img: a logo for a japanese import store. a box with the rising sun logo on its side.)

unfortunately, lots of things do just that! these two were literally just stuff i pulled from my memory in two minutes. but it sucks! you shouldn’t do it!

"but how does this relate to lawyer game?"

the rising sun has appeared multiple times in promotional art or merchandise for dgs as decoration, which is a careless and harmful move on the part of the artists and of capcom itself.

the rising sun did exist before the 1900s, so having it on dgs art (roughly the 1890s) is technically historically compliant, but it turns out that meanings change over time, and sometimes, when you depict something from the past it carries new meanings in today’s context!

these games might be set in the past, but they are extremely modern creations. they shouldn't have this motif, and neither should any fanart.

the rising sun not just a decoration anymore, and it hasn’t been for over a century. symbols have meanings, and those meanings can change over time with context. what matters is what the rising sun symbolizes now.

(img: art released for dgs’ 5th anniversary depicting asougi and ryuunosuke. asougi has one arm wrapped around naruhodou and is smiling. naruhodou is smiling, with his left arm raised to the viewer. the background is decorated with the red and white stripes of the rising sun motif)

(img: an officially licensed coaster depicting ryuunosuke. the coaster background has red and white stripes emanating from ryuunosuke, in a flag pattern of the rising sun.)

at best, the rising sun is a symbol of refusal to acknowledge japan's imperial past, and at worst a glorification of it. right wing japanese media loves the rising sun flag almost as much as they like to deny all the war crimes.

(img: promotional art released for the 15th anniversary of ace attorney. it features the dgs cast, naruhodou as the center, with the rising sun motif as the background)

(img: promotional art for dgs, depicting a chibi ryuunosuke surrounded by chibi heads of some of the rest of the cast. he’s holding one arm up to the camera, smiling, with the rising sun motif decorating the background.)

dgs is a product of the culture that created it. and it is literally set right before japan decided to go full steam ahead on brutal colonization, so "an empire with no justice has no future" rings a little hollow knowing what comes after. (japan was being exploited at the time, but right after they decided to do the same exact thing...)

i'm not expecting a thorough critique of imperialism in my fun steampunk sherlock holmes crossover romp, and as wild as "dai gyakuten saiban 3: ryuunosuke naruhodou dodges the draft" would be, capcom would never make a game like that.

there’s a lot to be discussed regarding dgs’ critique of imperialist power and of how japan in the late 1800s was entering that militarized colonizing state and how it’s criticized, but i am not the person to be making that post.

EDIT: this tweet thread is more on that

anyway.

(img: an officially licensed phone case depicting ryuunosuke and asougi, with the rising sun motif in the background.)

at the very least you can't deny it is at least, a little weird seeing imperialist symbols plastered on top of merchandise.

i don’t hold any sway over capcom or the people who make ace attorney. but what i do ask if that people who like these games or want to show their appreciation (like me! i draw fanart of it sometimes!) just don’t put the rising sun motif on it. basically, just don’t put it on your art?? that’s literally all i’m asking.

thanks for reading all this also this is applicable to any decorative use of the rising sun motif like persona 5 or demon slayer or whatever. enjoy your sholmes when the game is released i probably will

[typical-simplelove]

Hey! Could you please do song blurb 125 with Freddie Andersen? 💛

125. Falling by Harry Styles (This one is kind of mean, so I'm sorry about that.)

Claudia's Debut Season of Heartfirst Writing

This was the last-ditch effort to try to save your marriage. Never did you or Freddie think that it would get this bad. When you got married two years after dating for just over a year and a half, it all made sense. Neither of you cared about your parents or your friends telling you it was too soon because, after all, what did they know? They didn't know about the easy, comfortable strolls around the park. They didn't know about the late-night talks with ice cream and cookies. They didn't know about the quiet talks underneath the blankets as you shared your fears and hopes for the future. At the time, it made sense to marry Freddie. 

Until it didn't. 

Until the little things that you swore were reasons you loved Freddie for started to aggravate you. Until you focused on those little things and wondered why were you with this man? Until the small pet peeves you had were all draped over Freddie, and it turned out he was one giant pet peeve. He was filled with all the pet peeves you have. 

It didn't make sense anymore. You couldn't remember why you loved him. That's when you realized, you fell out of love. There wasn't anything left there. What was once a young, beautiful, growing love was no longer love. It was a call for help and giant red flag. 

All those talks and strolls around the park and easy afternoons were great while they lasted. You and Freddie fell out of sync with each other somewhere down the line, and now, you and Freddie are staring at a huge pile of divorce papers. 

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. You and Freddie were supposed to take on the world and show them that you didn't have to follow the normal way that society did things. You and Freddie were supposed to show them all that all that matters was the people in the relationship. All outside opinions weren't supposed to matter. And they didn't. You and Freddie knew that the moment you said yes to getting married, it was right. There were no second glances or doubts. It was right, and it made sense. 

Unfortunately, it didn't make sense anymore. 

There was no lying about it. Whatever made sense about your marriage a year ago no longer applied. You and Freddie had both grown astronomically. A growth that didn't include the other. A growth that meant that you and Freddie couldn't make this marriage work. 

Freddie insisted on one last effort to try to make it work. He suggested couples therapy, so you both went. Now, though, you're sitting in a coffee shop after, knowing that couples therapy wasn't going to work. 

"I'm sorry, Fred," you say, gripping your coffee mug. 

"Don't be," he says. "I went into it knowing that it might not be for us." 

Nodding, you sigh. "Maybe we're not meant to be forever." 

"Maybe not," he replies. In one sip, Freddie finishes his drink before getting. "I'll sign the papers and mail them to you. Take as much time as you need to find a new place and move."

"Okay," you murmur. 

"No matter what," Freddie continues, "I don't regret what we did or what we had."

He doesn't wait for you to reply before he walks out of the coffeehouse. As you once heard, sometimes, people are in your life for a season, for a moment, or for a lifetime. For you and Freddie, you were in each other's lives for a season, and unfortunately, that season has come to an end way too soon. 

Claudia's Debut Season of Heartfirst Writing

[ithehellisbucky]

Waking Up In Vegas

spencer reid x reader

request: prompts 87 (boop), 88 (that's such a bad idea- lets do it), 89 (Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool), 96 (I'm not crying, you are.) by anon

word count: 1.7k

warnings: Mentions of drug addiction, heavy drinking and blackout, that's it.

author's note: I've had this in my inbox for months, and I'm so sorry I didn't finish it sooner. Also, what do you want to see from my blog, it seems like I only post once a week for my fics and that's a no go from me.

~~~

The light was too loud- that's a wonderful thing to think when you remember nothing of the night before. You groaned and sat up, seeing that you were in a large bed with white covers. You scratched your head and looked around, noticing that the bedboard behind you was a large pink heart.

Looking down you realize that you're wearing a sequined red bikini top and a skirt scarf combo with booty shorts underneath. Drunk you does not have good fashion sense.

Before you can notice anything else, you start to feel puke crawling up your throat and you immediately run and vomit all your guts up.

You rinse your mouth out and notice that the blanket mound you left has shifted, and you become wary and pick up a heavy brass candlestick.

And then the lump rolls over, and it's your goddamn coworker.

"Reid?"

He startles and wakes up, staring at you and then glancing down at himself- huh, there was something wrong about that picture, but you couldn't figure out what it was just yet.

"y/n? What are you doing in my hotel room?" He pauses, looks around, then mutters under his breath "this isn't my hotel room."

He looks up at you "Since when are you married?"

"I'm not," You look down at your hand, noticing a giant red ruby adorning your ring finger "I am."

You look down at his hand and notice that he is too, "And so are you."

You and Spencer look around your room, both badly masking paranoia and panic. Both of your eyes stop when you notice a picture frame in the corner- a wedding certificate.

"Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool. This is fine, no big deal, just a marriage certificate," You move over and pick it up "with both of our names on it."

"Okay, this is okay, this is fine," Spencer says, sitting back down on the bed stunned.

"So, we're married, which is a thing that happened, last night, that you definitely remember." You say, sitting down next to your newly revealed husband.

"I don't remember."

"How do you not remember? You have super memory powers!"

"This is an excellent first fight to have as a married couple, of course, you blame me." He says, standing up and shrugging.

You meet his stance "Of course I blame you! You're the smart one!"

"Oh, well Agent, I wasn't aware that you had an IQ of 25!" He pauses "25 is the number associated by Henry H. Goodard to be an idiot, it's actually-"

"I know!" You exclaim, seething with half-hearted rage.

"You know, your the one who got an addict drunk!"

"Your vice isn't alcohol! If I drugged you I'd be a monster! You ordered that first bloody mary all by yourself, and those shots we did were totally consensual!!!"

He looked up at you "you remember that?"

You think, and notice memories that you didn't know were there, "um, yeah, bits and pieces."

From the expression he makes, he looks to be remembered more too. You and your new husband sit down and let it all hit you.

~~~

"4 tequila shots please." You wave down the bartender.

You're already buzzed, but you and Spencer were just getting warmed up. Morgan and Garcia left hours ago to go to a fancy restaurant, Rossi was planted firmly at the poker table, Hotch was nowhere to be seen, JJ had gone home to be with Henry, and Emily was at a "sin to win" night at some casino that you already knew too much about just by hearing the name.

So that leaves you and Spencer at the bar in the only casino in town he wasn't banned from.

At first, you were concerned about him drinking, but once he reassured that alcohol isn't his way of self-medicating, you were okay. Besides, if you saw any red flags, you would throw his ass in rehab faster than you can say 'gin'.

So, you were 5 drinks in and having the time of your lives, showing off battle scars and laughing. God, his eyes were pretty.

"Your eyes are so pretty!" You giggled "like soooooo pretty, woooooooow."

He laughed and looked back at you "your skin is pretty, like in a non-serial killer way, it's really pretty."

"Thank you, just don't kill me for it."

"I just called no murder!" He whined "besides, how am I sure you won't kill me and scoop my eyes out?"

"Because that's gross." You said, rolling your eyes.

"And stealing your skin isn't?"

"You can' have my skin!" You say, mock running away.

He laughs, and looks directly into your eyes, and smiles, wow, he was pretty. Morgan was right.

"Hey, do you wanna get out of here?" Spencer asks you.

"Yeah, let's get ice cream!" You grab his hand, and it feels natural through your foggy brain.

After stumbling through the ice cream parlor, full of people who were trying to pretend like they weren't. Spencer got butter pecan, and you got sherbert and chocolate.

You stumbled out of the store, giggling to yourself and Spencer.

God, you loved him. So you told him.

"I love you." He stopped in his tracks, and you almost tripped on a bicycle rack.

"Really?" He whispers.

All of the giggles are gone.

"I love you."

The ice cream is long forgotten, his on the ground, and half of yours on your clothes and half next to his on the ground. All that's left is your faces inching closer to each other.

When your lips meet it feels like firecrackers going off inside your head.

His mouth is soft, gently contrasting with your soft lips. His tongue sneaks into your mouth, your smile around his.

"Let's get married." He pulls apart from you, out of breath.

You stay silent for a moment, before looking up and directly into his chocolate brown eyes "That is such a bad idea-"

He diverts his eyes and scratches the back of his skull "Um, yeah, that's okay, let's-"

"Let's do it."

He looks back at you, and you grab his body and kiss him.

~~~

Sometimes people can be happy, you realize as an elderly woman ties a sash around your waist.

You have to be honest, you never thought this was gonna be how you were gonna get married. Hell, you weren't sure if you were gonna get married at all. But certainly not like this. Certainly not at 1 am to your coworker 7 drinks in at a cheap roadside attraction.

Definitely not like this.

But something about this weirdness felt like the only way anything ever would've made any sense.

There was something about the outfit you were wearing that was perfect, a bright red bra covered in sequins underneath a top with buttons and poofy sleeves that showed off a lot of your chest, a wrap-around cheap white silk skirt with jeans shorts underneath. And of course purple open-toed boots. Perfect.

Marrying Spencer Reid is like a fever dream. A perfect man with perfect hair and perfect eyes. So of course you were giggling like crazy while they put the cheap crown with pink tulle serving as a veil on your head.

Your witnesses were an elderly couple, of course, you wanted to have your best friends there, but knowing them they'd try to talk you out, and believe me, there was no way you wanted out of it.

"Now's time dear," the woman exclaims, gently patting you on the shoulder and leading you out of the fitting room and towards the chapel.

The owner of the business hooks his arm around yours and leads you into the chapel, church bells from an iPod attached to a speaker ringing out into the air.

Spencer turns around the air visibly leaves his lungs when you make eye contact. The chapel you two had chosen in this drunken haze was costume-themed, and he was wearing an ancient Rome costume that fit the time where his favorite philosopher, so even though no one else noticed, you could tell he was dressed as Gaius.

His hair had been attempted to slick back, but little curls were popping up all over the place instead. He was wringing his hands tightly and bouncing his knee, god you couldn't wait to marry him.

The elderly man who had led you to the alter places you next to Spencer, you couldn't focus on anything but your soon-to-be-husband.

Spencer takes his hands and gently pulls your veil up from around your face, and a tear trickles out of his eyes as he sees you. You smile and notice his nerves, try to calm the love of your life down "boop", you gently tap his nose and he smiles in comfort.

The officiant drones on and on about love but you can't hear him, all you can focus on is his love-filled eyes.

"Do you take Spencer Reid to be your husband?"

Your eyes snap out of their daze and you say with the most certainty than you have ever said anything: "I do."

"And do you take (y/n) (y/l/n) to be your life partner for as long as you may live?"

"I do," And you feel more wanted than you ever have in your life, he wants you, Spencer wants you.

~~~

You and Spencer sit on your bed in stunned silence, neither believing that last night had really happened. You look over at your apparent husband and notice tears streaming down his face.

"You're crying." You say, your voice coming out as a chocked whisper.

"I'm not crying, you are." You look down and notice that your shirt is soaked in tears.

"Oh." You take a deep breath and look into his eyes. "So, what do you want to do?"

"Get an annulment?" He doesn't look completely happy about his answer and stares into your eyes for reassurance.

You take a deep breath and stare off into the distance, out into a world that would be so much better if you were married to Spencer Reid. "I don't want that."

You look back at him to meet his eyes, "Me neither."

"I love you, a lot, and I want to be married to you." Spencer smiles, and you feel wanted and safe and loved.

Instead of saying it back, he kissed you with a passion that was way more descriptive than simple words. Spencer is your husband and you love him, he loves you, and you are finally wanted.

~~

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{+18} - Law x Fem Best Friend ♥ CH. 5 – FINAL PART

♥ Daily living with the Heart pirates crew AU. ♥ Spoilers after Dressrosa Arc. Law´s backstory. Wano kuni arc.  ♥ Female reader. Little physical description. Everybody is 18+, canon ages.  ♥ TW: NSFW, violence. Drama (a lot of it), some broken bones. And fluff, a lot of it. No further warnings. If you think I should include some feel free to tell me ♥A/N: thank you so so much for reading until the end of this story. I enjoyed writing these chapters so much! I hope you enjoyed it as much as me. I’ll be pleased to accept any request or commentaries on this or other fics.

Word count: 5.0K

» List of parts: {CH1}  {CH2}  {CH3} {CH4}«

 Chapter 5

Next thing I remember was opening my eyes and seeing Law’s face. He was carrying me in his arms, my hearing went from a loud buzzing to his voice. “Y/n-ya, answer me, come back, are you with me??”, my best friend kept asking me while running. I gave him a smile, and the only thing I could say to him was, “I’m sorry”, until I passed out again. 

The night sky was deep blue, full of stars and a big moon that enlightened the whole room. I recovered my senses a few hours after, since Law has saved my life, once again. He was next to me, brushing his hand over my forehead, looking straight at the door with his katana on the other hand. I was lying on my bed. Around me, a whole disaster, everything I owned was scattered over the floor. 

Once again, the first words that came out from my mouth were “I’m sorry”. I have put my whole crew, Law, and even my life in danger just because of my stupid pride… My personal doctor smiled at me and told me to shut up. He began to cry, openly, looking directly to my face. He was not hiding under his hat, not even over my chest. He was showing me how hurt he was, and this was for sure the very first time I’ve seen him cry like this. “I am the one who should be sorry. I left you alone, I abandoned you. Everything because I was scared, because I didn't want to accept how much I love you, I was afraid of changing, of putting you in danger. Look how you’ve ended because of me, they were searching for me…” he said, hitting his chest with his hand in a fist. He continued, “That’s the reason I wouldn’t really admit that the love I felt was more than just caring for a friend… I’m sorry Y/n-ya. I’m sorry… everything I said, it was a lie… I’ve loved you since...forever. You were always my star, the only person I could look at, when I was in the dark, you shine so bright, you light up my soul…”. I tried to get up from bed, but a throbbing pain on my ribs stopped me from it. “ugh… Law…”, he told me to remain still on bed, and informed me that 5 of my left ribs were broken. I wanted to say so many things, to tell him it was alright, that I wanted to go back to the polar and resume our journey as if nothing happened, but… it wasn’t that easy, I was hurt too. I remained silent, looking through the window, searching for the best words to say, to express everything I had inside my chest. 

I finally decided to speak. Law was still crying, but he wouldn’t guard down, he was protecting me. I said, “Oi, dumbass… how did you find me?”, “I followed your vivre card, of course” he answered sobbing. “Yeah, but… how did you get here so fast? where were you?”, I asked. I guess his cheeks turned to red, he seemed as if he was blushing, and after stuttering a little, he confessed, “I.. we.. I stayed in the submarine on the other side of the island, I was scared. Everybody agreed on waiting for you…”. 

He was always here?... of course, he was, his vivre card would always point to the same place. And... that time I went exploring the whole island, I thought I saw the guys in the distance, on the shore… I... thought it was just my imagination… I began to cry and laugh at the same time, covering my eyes with my hands. “I love you, dumbass. I love you more than anything, you were always here, you didn’t abandon me”. Suddenly I was so happy, I knew he wouldn’t leave me, I knew he would always protect me... I knew it. I was full of joy...  

Law laid next to me in bed, softly because he knew how hurt I was, hugged me and kissed my forehead. He had the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. He looked so relieved. The warmth I felt on my chest when I had his vivre card over, I was now feeling it all over my body. 

We stayed like this for a few minutes until Law said, “You need to rest, and I need to be alert in case some more bastards come”. I calmed him, “they won’t come here, they think we are on the submarine, leaving this city… Do you remember your vivre card?”. He looked at me, worried. I continued, “I’m sure you think that yonkou’s subordinates have found and stolen your vivre card from here, right?”. He nodded and said, impatient, "yes, when I was beating the shit out of them, I heard that they have finally found it, how come they don't have it?". “If I have learned something from you throughout all of this years is to plan things out… Yesterday morning, before leaving home I got the feeling that I should carry your vivre card with me…” I slowly pulled the little paper from my bra and showed it to him. He widened his eyes and was about to say something, but I resumed speaking like a smart detective, “Yet, a few days ago I thought of how dangerous it was that someone could find your vivre card, my dear ex Shichibukai…so, I made a fake one, I used some fish scales that I took from a fish of the river to make it, write your name on it, and leave it on that little box you now see empty over the dresser. So, I think they might be following that fish...”. Law’s face was priceless, at first, he was dumbfounded, but a few seconds later we both burst into laughing. 

Despite how painful it was to laugh with a few broken ribs I couldn’t help it. It was too funny, and it was the first time I laughed since a long long time. I missed those days when we were younger, had no place to stay and even if the cold was getting into the bones, a few stupid phrases of Bepo or Penguin made us laugh uncontrollably. It was, after all, our "Laugh Tale".

“Oi, you should eat something, are you hungry?”, asked my doctor, to which I replied with a sexy smile “I am hungry for you, doc”. “I’d love to fuck you right here, right now, as hard as I want, but It wouldn’t be ethic, you’ll be in pain…” he said straightforwardly to my face. I gasped; I love how Law gets when he is horny… “Now, tell me where the food is, I’m going to cook something”, he said and I pointed to a few groceries that were still on the counter. 

Law gathered a few of the things that were scattered all over the floor and promised me to clean everything up tomorrow. He was acting like a husband, how cute.

I contemplated how he focused on cooking frowning. The last time I saw him cooking was when we were little, sometimes he woke me up with breakfast, sometimes he would broil some potatoes, but somehow every time he did, his eyes got sad. So, before Penguin, Shachi and Bepo arrived I normally cooked for him.  

“Here, let me help you sit on the bed”, he said, bringing two plates of some risotto he made for us. He left the plates over the floor, hugged me, put a pillow behind my back and sat me on the bed. 

“Mmmh, where did you learn to cook risotto, Law? This meal is delicious!”, I said, delighted with the taste of the food. He looked at me with one of his cheeks poofed with food and smiled with his eyes. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that smile, I’m so in love with him, damn it…

The foliage of the trees that surrounded my little room began to move every time the autumn breeze blew through them. Everything was so calm. I felt as if no more danger was around me, as if nothing that could happen from now on, could be worse than being apart from Law. 

We chatted for a little bit while eating, we were happy, no worries, Law never stopped smiling and neither did I. He helped me to lay down on bed again, and he did the same next to me. “I love you”, Law whispered to me while grabbing my face with his hands, softly caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. Our noses touching, both smiling. “I love you too…”.

Morning came and a sweet smell of honey woke me up. Law was softly kissing my forehead with a cup of tea on his hands. “Good morning darling, I made you a green tea with honey”. I covered my mouth trying not to laugh, but it was impossible. I broke out laughing. Don’t get me wrong, I thought that what he did was the most cute thing ever… but… can you imagine Trafalgar D. Water Law being all cute and romantic? “This is the first time you call me “darling”, I’m sorry”, I said and kept giggling. His face changed to a poutier one so I stopped laughing, “I’m sorry Law… I mean… babe?.” I said and took a sip of the tea. 

He gave me a little smirk, and directed his sight to the floor while saying, “I’m ok with any name you call me, I like “babe”, It makes me happy”. This was the first time I saw him in love, and it was… with me. 

After breakfast, he washed the dishes and called Bepo. “Aya aya, Captain!! how are you? is Y/n with you? is she ok?!”, screamed the polar bear on the other side of the line. “Oi Bepo, yes, she is with me, she is ok. Are you ok? did you notice something suspicious or any movements last night?”. Ah… Law, always talking like he is some sort of a secret agent of the marines…. “Captain, Penguin speaking. We saw two ships leave the coast at night, they got the Beast pirates flag. They didn’t see us; we were hiding as you told”. “Perfect, Y/n-ya has five broken ribs, I put them in place, but she will have to rest on the mainland for a few days, the pressure of the submarine could make the pain worse if she goes immediately underwater. Please, keep informing me at any suspicious movement. And don’t worry, they aren’t following my vivre card”, Law informed my nakamas and hung up the den den mushi. 

“Y/n-ya... darling… I should change your bandages and treat your wounds, are you up for it?”, he asked like the good doctor he is. “Yes, honey, let’s do it. I’m sure you already know, but there are some supplies in the bathroom, but If they aren’t enough, you could go and ask Dr. Saturn, I’ve been working with him as his medical assistant”, I told him. He looked at me, and suddenly his eyes turned to fire. Law rarely loses his taciturn countenance, but that time his face transformed into pure hate. “What is it?”, I asked him without any clue of what was happening. “That bastard, that “doctor”, he sold you to the pirates”, he almost shouted. Profoundly shocked, I mumbled “What? how… how did you know?”. “I investigated while we were apart, I didn’t mean to follow you or else, but… I was worried, I wanted to protect you… even though I let these things happen to you”, he said now with a guilty tone, while unfolding the bandages. “It’s ok, it’s now over, from now on we will be together to protect us” ... I told him with a side smile that soon turned into a little wince. 

Soon I was left with no bandages on my body, my torso naked, covered in bruises and scuffs. Law softly brushed some cotton embedded on alcohol over the scuffs, he was so delicate that It felt almost as a tickle sensation. His hands always worked as stethoscopes because of the Ope Ope no mi, so he then placed a hand over my heart and checked my heartbeat. The cold breeze and the soft touch of his hands over my nipples made them turn hard, and a little gasp slipped out of my mouth. The touch of skin over mine lit a fire inside of me.

Law looked at me top to bottom, finally worshipping with his intense grey eyes, my boobs. Licking his upper lip, he slowly approached his mouth over one of my erect nipples. He licked it from bottom up, fixing his eyes on mine, smirking sexy. My body squirmed as the sensation of his wet tongue struck me with a wave of pleasure. Even if It hurt, even if I had a few broken ribs, that little action made me wish he fucked me hard, I needed to, I had a real lust for him. 

He kept on using his mouth, he would lick, softly bite, suck both of my tits, gently enough to avoid my ribs hurt. 

“Oi, let me put you some bandages, if not… we can’t continue…”, he said. And I, that I was lost in the arousal that Law was producing on me, agreed. He started folding my torso with the elastic bandages, the pressure over my skin that sometimes hurt, also contributed to the heat of the moment. “Imagine if instead of bandages, I used some ropes…” he softly whispers next to my ear from behind. 

I turned my face to the side and reached for his mouth. We kissed passionately, lustfully, erotically. 

The bandages were so tightly snuggled that I couldn’t feel any pain. Law managed to tight them perfectly so they could be holding my ribs but letting my breasts free of them. 

My lover delicately laid me down on the bed, took off his shirt and settled over me. Law ran his hand over my face, caressing my skin, while maintaining his weight with the other arm at the side of my head. I kissed his palm with the side of my mouth. This moment felt magical for us, our eyes interlocked with pure love for each other, it was more than just pleasure. He was making love to me, and I did too. 

His fingers travelled from my face to my sex, getting moistened with how wet I was. His tattooed index finger lingered over my clit tracing circles around and over it. A few moments later he put the finger on my mouth requesting me with a “taste your flavour” to lick his finger. I sucked it so lewdly, that made him groan loudly. 

He knelt in front of me and used his middle and ring finger with a “come hither” motion inside of me, spotting the G point, making me arch my back and moan loudly. And as if that pleasure wasn’t enough, he also used his tongue over my pleasure button. I cummed so hard, squirting his whole hand. 

Far from being exhausted I invited Law to release the bulge trapped into his trousers and to come near my mouth. “I want you to jack off and fuck my mouth, babe” I asked him with an inviting obscene tone. The surgeon gasped and as fast as he could took his pants off. I opened my mouth with my head over the pillow sticking my tongue out, awaiting to taste his sweet member. 

First, I licked it, then I grabbed it with my hands and placed it inside of my mouth. Law was so heated that couldn’t resist himself and hold my jaw in order to fuck my mouth, first cautiously, but then violently as he left himself go with the desire and the pleasure he was experiencing. I fixed my teary eyes on his, choking with the length and width of his hard rock pennis. He didn’t finish, but instead, went straight to fuck me. 

Again, he was settled over me, delicately penetrating me, with soft thrusts at first but increasing the pace with every pounding. He strongly held my wrists over my head while fucking me. 

Letting me go he approached his body to mine, letting the side of his abs slightly rest over my stomach in order not to put so much pressure over my ribs. He charged all of his weight over the right side of his body and his elbow on the bed and kept on fucking me. The penetration was slowly just for the both of us to feel every movement in detail. Law stroked my hair as I whined more and more with pleasure. We both came almost together, with our mouths pressed moaning “I love you”. 

Three days after, I felt better enough to take a walk, so after the guys confirmed that the city was free of dangerous enemies, we left the house for the first time. The fall had fully arrived at the island, warmth colours, chilly breeze that softly made some far away sunflower fields dance, the floor covered in dry red and brown tinted leaves, a few pumpkins that the citizen had on their porches, some shop owners already putting up Halloween decorations and a few kids playing on the street were part of the scenery of our walk. Law didn’t speak much as always, and I was enjoying how his tanned skin got bathed by the orangey tones of the afternoon sun. 

Eventually, we arrived at the city centre, where the local producers market was taking place. I told Law that I wanted to buy some flowers from Mrs. Ann stand at the fair as I always did. He smiled at me, showing he agreed, and I started almost running. I recognized that I could be a little childish and impulsive sometimes, especially for someone like Law. “Oi! don’t run babe!!” he warned me and grabbed my hand in order to stop me. I looked back at him; my hair got blown by the wind as well as my skirt. I gave him a wide grin, slid my arm so that he could now hold my hand and pulled him towards me. The very first seconds he looked so mad at me, but then he let himself go and followed my pace with a big smile. We were almost running, holding hands, making the crows and larks fly off the streets scared of us. 

“Hello Mrs. Ann, I’m here to buy you some pretty flowers, what bouquets do you suggest?” I asked the florist. “Hello, my dear! you seemed so happy today! who is this handsome young man that joins you today?!”, she said curious. My smile quickly faded, and I realized that we still haven’t talked about what we actually are, so, “Uhm… he is…”, “His boyfriend, I’m his boyfriend”, Law ended my sentence with a straight face. I blushed and giggled, I felt as if a hundred butterflies were flying inside of my stomach. Mrs Ann smiled at us, with genuine happiness, and said “So, this time we should let him pick the flowers for you, right young man?”. Law pointed to the sunflower’s bouquet and timidly said “Those, her favourite flowers are sunflowers, so I guess I’ll take those”. “Good choice boy, you know why sunflowers are so special? They usually face the sun, but whenever it is cloudy, they face each other so they get enough energy… Same goes with couples, whenever there are clouds in the sky, they should count on each other, until the sun comes back again, and both can enjoy it together”. Law smiled at her and then at me, I know for sure that we both count with each other, I know we do.  We bought some more groceries and ended up having a picnic on the fields. This life was somehow better than I thought, but soon our couple time should be over. Our journey must continue, our missions should be complete, and we were young, we would have plenty of time once we achieve our goals to grow old together. 

Two days after we returned to the submarine, and despite spending the last two days thinking of a better way to communicate with our crew that we… were dating, we couldn’t find the perfect way. Law was mortified, he hates to show emotions, and whenever our crew knows the big news, the amount of energy it's going to be too much to handle. 

We could sight the Polar Tang that was moored on the coast, everybody was on the deck waving at us, shouting our names. Law was slowly hiding under the coat collar with every scream, and I was waving at them. I have missed them so much. “Guuuuuys!! guuuuuys!!! oii!!” I screamed, Law grabbed my hand and said, “be careful, you are not fully recovered yet”. “I’m sorry doc, I’ll behave… I promise. That means also no more sex until I get fully healthy, right?” He looked at me with a “how dare you?” expression but I kept talking, “fufufu… don’t worry I was joking, I couldn’t say no to getting railed by you, babe…”. I winked at him and he smirked saying “You are a lost cause…”. 

The whole crew hugged me, expressing to me how much they have missed me, that I shouldn’t ever leave again and asked me why the hell I had left the submarine in the first place. I told them that tonight we should have a party and that Law, and I would explain everything in detail. My nakamas agreed on such a good plan and began to prepare everything to set sail. 

I saw Law carrying my stuff inside, so I followed him. He entered his room with my baggage, and I stopped at the door… “Law, why are you putting my stuff in your room?” I asked, a little confused. “We are going to sleep together from now on, this should be your room too, right?” I widened my eyes, what have I done to the cold emo boy I once knew? I was pleased but surprised for sure. “Well, I’m fluttered, are you willing to hear me snore every night from now on?”, I asked, mocking him. “I’m ok with hearing you snore, if that is the price I have to pay for fucking you every night and cuddling with you”, he said, with a calm attitude. We both laughed and he helped me to unpack everything. While putting everything in place I saw an old polaroid we took back at Dressrosa after the big fight over his nightstand, and over it there was the necklace I had returned to him last time I was in the submarine. “Oi, babe, can you put me the necklace back, please” I said, holding it in my hands and showing it to him. Law smiled, approached me, and while he passed the chain on my neck, he said “Next jewel I’d like to put on you will be a ring…”. I giggled a little and kissed his cheek. 

The night came and we were already in the middle of the sea, the sky was garnished with little stars that lit up our party, and the guys were drinking, dancing, and shouting.  I decided that I’ll never leave them again, whatever comes to us, whatever happens between Law and I, this was my family, and I would be always with them no matter what. 

I went inside looking for a blanket because the night breeze at the open sea could be quite cold. We usually keep some blankets in a little room next to the kitchen for easy access in case we emerge, and someone has to guard on the outside. Suddenly someone hugged me from behind. I instantly recognized my beloved sweet scent. He placed his chin over my shoulders, and his hands wrapped around my low stomach. We remained like this for a few moments, enjoying our company, dancing to the music that came from outside. We began to kiss gently, and Law closed the little door. We laughed while our lips were still pressed and then with our foreheads also. The joy and intimacy I experienced was so cute, as if we were just married… "stop, let me help us with something, SILENTO" I said, and snapped my fingers, creating a safe space where nobody in the submarine could listen to us with the power of my Nagi Nagi no mi. "Nobody can hear us now, we can be as naughty as we want'' I told him with a lascivious expression while grabbing him by his chin. That probably fanned the flames even more, so he pushed me against the wall and while kissing me, he started unbuttoning my trousers, and then almost ripping my panties off too. He put 2 fingers on my mouth for me to suck on them just to made them wet with my saliva. He shoved them into my pussy and moved them as he only knew how to. While he was fingering me, with the hand that until then was on my breast, he took off his pants revealing a huge erection that was about to be inside of me. 

He grabbed one of my thighs, holding it up, just to spread my legs even more so he could fuck me even deeper, right there, standing, with my back pressed against some sort of metallic wall. I wasn't able to think anything besides how I wanted him to fulfill me with his hard cock. He fucked me so hard, I almost lost full control of my limbs, thank God he was holding me as If I weighed anything less than a feather. Damn, how strong he is. We let ourselves go, and after lustfully enjoying our fleshly lusts, we decided it was time to come back to the party. We were unaware that we climbed the leather to the deck holding hands and smiling at each other, so all of a sudden, the music stopped, as well as the murmur of the crew. Shachi shouted, “I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! of course everything that happened was because of this!” I closed my eyes, waiting for Law to shout and order them to shut the fuck up, but instead he said, “Of course it was because of this, it doesn’t take too much to come up to the conclusion… you idiot”. I started laughing, followed by my nakamas. The whole night came by with us celebrating my return to the submarine and the new couple...

 A few adventures and two years after. End of the Grand Line, Laugh Tale Island…

I could still hear Mugiwara and Law laughing, we have achieved the last island, and you won't believe what the “One Piece” was, but that is  just a whole different story that maybe I’ll tell you about it other time. 

I was over the deck of the Polar Tang, admiring the beauty of the island that left the horizon back at us… I was thinking how many things we have been through to finally get here. Life hasn’t been easy to none of us, but surely, we made it happier, together. I wonder what our future has prepared us from now on. 

A strong wind blew my hair, and I could sense as if someone was behind me. I thought it was Law, but when I turned around, I saw a blond man, wearing a blue feather coat, a heart patterned shirt and a hat that I could recognize real fast. His image wasn’t clear, but I could see him though. “Hello, Mrs. Trafalgar, please don’t freak out. I’m sure you know who I am… I came here to thank you. Thank you for taking care of my little boy, how big he got…”. I knew he was “Cora-san”, I wasn’t scared, I knew he was the kindest person in the world. “Thank you, Mr. Rosinante, you saved Law’s life, I’ll always be grateful for what you’ve done for him. He is who he is for you”. The guy with a blue mark under his right eye, and some lipstick that made his smile even bigger, nodded and said, “by the way, congrats, Rosinante could be a great name, plus it goes well with the D…”. Next, I heard Law calling me “Y/N-ya, what are you doing here all by yourself?”, I turned around and he was coming my way, with a confused expression. I looked back at where Rosinante was, but he had already disappeared. 

 Law hugged me, he was happy and placed his head on my chest. “Did I tell you how much I love to hear your heart beating?”, he asked me still with his head over my chest. “You did, darling, it won’t ever stop beating for you”. Law smiled but suddenly his face turned to a more serious one. He stopped hugging me, and asked with a worried face, “Babe, how many hearts do you have?”, “You are a cardiac surgeon, I’m sure you know how many hearts I have, Law”, I said laughing. “Yeah, because I know that people normally have one, it’s not normal that I hear two hearts beating inside of… wait…” He stopped talking, looked at me and concluded everything in no time. “Babe… are you?... Am I going to be... a father?”, he said with tears on his eyes. “Congratulations, daddy”, I said, and Law hugged me so tight, holding me up in the air crying with pure joy in his heart. We remained hugged until a little bird flew past over us and a blue feather felt over us… 

The End ♥

Thanks for reading! I’m open for requests, so if want me to, just ask ♥ 

[pitviperofdoom]

Might I ask about 'Life Preserver'? I have no idea what it could mean, and that makes me very curious👀

This is my pre-S1 JonGerry AU! They meet while Jon’s still in school and Gerry’s on the hunt for a Leitner. It’s part of a trilogy in my head that includes JonGerryMartin later on, but Life Preserver takes place before Jon becomes the Archivist and is just JonGerry.

Here’s a scene from it!

---

“Thanks for meeting me,” Georgie said, by way of greeting.

Gerry shrugged. “‘S fine. What’s the occasion?”

It was a nice day. The cafe was bustling but not overcrowded. Georgie had insisted on dragging him to the one empty table outside, with the nice view of the street and the park on the other side. Gerry had eaten lunch in far worse places, with far worse company.

Shit, were they friends? Had he missed that somehow? Not that Georgie wasn’t nice enough, but he’d always figured she was more invested in Jon than in him. That was how it worked, wasn’t it? He wasn’t sure if being friends with your boyfriend’s ex was a thing you were supposed to do, and at this point he was too afraid to ask.

“Why does there have to be an occasion?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “Maybe I just wanted a lunch partner.”

“Didn’t think you liked me that much,” Gerry said bluntly. Maybe that was harsh—she’d only given him a little bit of stink eye when they first met, and she’d let up pretty quick.

If Georgie was bothered by it, she didn’t show it. “I worry about Jon sometimes,” she said. “He’s not always the best at… at advocating for himself, I guess.”

“Yeah, I’ve gathered.” For someone as prickly as Jon, he was shit at actually standing up for himself where it counted.

“Worried a lot about you, at first,” Georgie went on, clasping her hands around her coffee cup. “But I decided not to prod too much. I didn’t want to be one of those exes, you know?”

“Yeah,” Gerry lied.

“Figured it wasn’t my business anyway,” she said, pausing to take another sip. “Jon and I hadn’t talked in over a year by the time I met you.”

“Right.”

“You know, I didn’t even learn your full name?” she said. “Not til last week. Weird, isn’t it?”

Gerry paused with his cup halfway to his mouth. “I… guess?”

“And you know, it stuck in my mind for the longest time,” she said. “Could’ve sworn I heard it somewhere. So I did a quick Google search.”

Slowly, Gerry put his cup back down. Georgie continued to sip demurely at her own.

“Thought I’d find a Facebook page with a few friends in common,” she said. “Or a LinkedIn or something. So you can imagine how surprised I was.”

Gerry looked around at the cafe’s full outdoor seating area, and the crowded, public street beyond. Plenty of witnesses, in broad daylight.

“Ah,” he said.

“Yeah.”

Besides a slight lift of the eyebrows, Georgie’s expression barely changed. Gerry stared down at his cup, appetite gone. Around them, passersby remained happily oblivious.

“I didn’t do it,” he said after a moment. “The charges were dropped and everything.”

“On a technicality.” Georgie’s eyes were cold and steady when they settled on him. “Contaminated evidence, according to one of the news articles.”

“Look, I don’t know what you expect me to say,” Gerry bit out.

“I don’t know either, Gerry, but what am I supposed to think?” Neither of their voices rose above the dull roar of the street and the hum of conversation around them, but Gerry still felt like he was being shouted at. “Does Jon know about this?”

“No, and if I have my way, he won’t.”

Georgie’s steely gaze turned to a glare. “And you don’t see the red flags that might raise? That you might’ve—”

A tide of red rose up behind his eyes. Not anger, but the memory of blood, both the sight and the overpowering smell. “She did it to herself,” Gerry said coldly.

“Not what the coroner’s report said—”

“What do you want from me?” Gerry went on harshly. “I came home and found her halfway through—that. Went into shock long enough for her to get plenty of it on me, then ran out to the nearest coffeeshop and sat in a fog until the police picked me up. Happy?” Georgie’s glare only hardened. “It really doesn’t matter what you think. It’s the truth whether or not you believe it.”

She waited for him to wrest himself back to something resembling calm before speaking again. “Fine. Let’s say I believe you. Why are you lying to Jon, then?”

“Oh, tell me what the best time to bring that up is,” Gerry said dryly. “Is that a fourth date conversation, or more of an anniversary thing?”

“I’m not talking about the murder,” Georgie retorted. “Why did you tell him you’re living with your mother?”

He probably could have come up with a feasible lie. But what came out instead was, “Because I am.”

The look on Georgie’s face was viciously unimpressed. “You’re living with your mum.”

“Yep.”

“Your mum, who by your own admission, committed a violent suicide in 2008.”

“Got it in one.”

“If you’re not even going to take this seriously,” Georgie began.

“Would you like to meet her?” Gerry asked. “It’s not like it’d be the first time you saw a corpse get up and walk around, would it?”

Georgie froze.

That was the funny thing about saying cruel things, Gerry reflected. More often than not, you had to say them out loud first to realize they were cruel at all.

But it was out, and he couldn’t swallow it back down, so he let it sit there between them, bloating like a dead thing in the sun. He didn’t look at Georgie’s face again. He wasn’t sure he could.

“What did you just say to me?” Georgie said shakily.

“I don’t want to say it again,” said Gerry. “And I don’t think you do, either.”

“That’s…” She sat back in her chair, putting just a bit more distance between them. Gerry shut his eyes. “How—how could you possibly know about that?”

Gerry heaved a sigh, running his hand down his face. He could always stop. He could get up right now and walk away. Never talk to her again, never see her again. Of course, if he did that, it’d probably mean never seeing Jon again, either.

Not for the first time, he wondered if that wasn’t a good thing.

“When you live like I do,” he said at last. “You learn to see it. Recognize it—them. The marks on people. Like the one on you.”

It was subtle, as the End always was. It never looked like a proper scar, the way the more violent ones did. After all, what was more natural than death itself?

“I’m… marked,” Georgie said. It wasn’t a question.

“Kind of impressive, to be honest,” he said. “Dodging Terminus. Not many can say they’ve done that.”

“Stop.” Her hands went to her ears quickly, almost instinctively, before she forced them down again. “Just, stop for a second.”

“Okay.”

Georgie sat and breathed for a moment. Then, “So your mother—” She paused again, gathering herself. “She… she was like that woman in the medical sciences building.”

“Dunno,” Gerry replied, forcing himself to look at her again. “I can see the scar, not what left it. And what my mum did was… unique.”

Her eyes were still fixed on the table in front of her, not on him. “Is this common?” she asked.

“Walking corpses, specifically?” Gerry asked. “Or did you mean more generally?” She nodded once. “Guess so. It’s been common enough to take over my life.” He watched her carefully, waiting for a sign that he should stop again. “There are forces behind the monsters. Powerful. Omnipresent, even. Most people are lucky enough not to notice, or be noticed. Some are lucky like you, and escape with only a scar. Others—” The Eye dropped a helpful bit of trivia in his head. “Others are like your friend.” She flinched. “Sorry.”

She sat and breathed for a little while longer. Gerry picked up his coffee cup again and waited.

“And what about you?” she asked at last. “Where do you fall?”

Gerry grimaced. “Long story. Very unpleasant.”

“Broad strokes, then.”

“Mum grew up seeing the monsters and decided it’d be nice if she could be one herself,” he said. “Then she thought it’d be even nicer to start a little monster dynasty, and that’s where I came in.”

At last, Georgie lifted her chin and looked him in the eye again. “And what about you?” she asked. “What do you want?” Her jaw shifted as it clenched. “What do you want with Jon?”

“I’m not going to hurt him,” he said quietly.

“That’s not what I asked.” Georgie’s eyes hardened again. “You know what I thought, when I first met you? I thought you were just—toying with him. Because I saw how he looked at you and how you looked at him, and it didn’t match. Like he was just—just a diversion for you. Just some passing curiosity until you got bored and moved on.”

Gerry slipped his hand off the table and into his lap. It was a bit late, she’d probably already seen it shaking, but it made him feel better, at least.

“Was I right?” Georgie asked. “It makes sense, even if it’s not the same as what I first thought. Growing up like that, I bet you’re curious. Is that what Jon is, to you? A way to play at being—”

“Human?” It came out harsher than he meant it to.

“I was going to say normal,” Georgie replied, glancing away for a moment. “But if these—monsters are as common as you say they are…”

“Look, you’re not wrong, alright?” Gerry sat back in his chair, letting his spine curve into an ugly slouch. “That’s how it started. He asked, and I was curious, so I went along with it.”

“And now?” she pressed.

“And now I want to keep it,” he said. “I want to keep him. I’m finally starting to like the world outside of the one I grew up in, probably because I finally have a reason to be here. Happy?”

“No,” Georgie said flatly.

Gerry tipped his head back with a groan. “What do you want from me?”

“I want you to acknowledge what this sounds like!” Georgie glared at him, sitting up straight enough to look down at him. “What you’re making it sound like! So you grew up in a bad place—fine. I can’t imagine what that’s like. But then—what, you meet a nice guy and now you’re ready to leave it all behind and defy your undead mum and turn to the light side, just like that? That is not how it works, Gerry. It’s not as simple as that in this world, much less yours. You don’t just fall in love and fix everything, and it’s not fair to put that on Jon—”

Gerry barked out a laugh. “Is that what you took from this?” he demanded, dragging himself back up to face her. “You think I need you to tell me that—that love doesn’t conquer all, and I can’t pack all my baggage away and skip into the sunset because a cute boy asked me on a date and showed me the error of my family’s ways? Fuck you.”

Georgie held his gaze, unflinching. “Fine,” she said. “How should I have taken it, then?”

“I’ve wanted out since I was old enough to want anything.” The words came as if ripped from him, raw and bloody-tasting on his tongue. “You think I’ve never tried to leave before? But where’s someone like me supposed to go, hm? Even if I didn’t have monsters in my head and her ready to drag me back if I don’t come on my own, what place is there for me to run to?”

She didn’t flinch or look away again, even with Gerry a breath away from yelling in her face. Instead she watched him without so much as a twitch of an eyelid, leeching the venom from him with steady, infuriating calm.

“It’s like this,” he said. “Like I’m on a—a ship, sinking in a storm. I know if I stay on it, it’ll take me down with it, but what choice do I have? I could jump, but it would only drown me faster.” He swallowed, struggling against the dryness in his throat. “And I can see, just off the deck, all the boats that don’t have room for me, and all the people drowning in the ocean, and all I can do is stay where I am and throw life preservers until I join them.” His eyes burned. “But then I met Jon, and suddenly it’s like I have…” He gestured vaguely, struggling with his own analogy.

“A safe harbor,” Georgie said quietly.

He shook his head. “No. I don’t think there is one. Not from this. Not from them.” He shrugged, feeling inordinately tired. “But for the first time, I feel like—like if I jump, someone will throw me a line.”

In the space that followed, the hum of surrounding conversations washed back in between them. Gerry was almost surprised to see them still there. Apparently he hadn’t gotten loud enough to scare anyone off.

“Well?” he said, when Georgie’s silence got to him.

“It’s a lot to take in,” she said.

“Yeah.”

“And I’m still worried about Jon.” She lifted her eyes to meet his again. “But, I’m less worried about your intentions than I was before.”

“Guess that’s something,” he answered, and heaved a sigh. “So what happens now? Gonna demand I come clean with him?”

“No,” she said, faster than he would have expected. “No, I… I never told him about mine. And, just on instinct… I don’t think I’d ever want him dragged into this, if it’s avoidable.”

She didn’t know, Gerry realized. She’d known him years longer than he did, and she didn’t know he came scarred by the Spider.

“Is he in danger?” she asked. “Being with you?”

“No,” Gerry said firmly. “I wouldn’t—no. I keep him as far away from my shitty life as I can. I told him I didn’t want him anywhere near my family, and he didn’t press the issue.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “He thinks your mum’s a homophobe, you know.”

That shocked a laugh out of him. “You know, he’s probably right? Think she might just hate the idea of love in general, though.”

“Messy divorce, I take it,” Georgie said dryly.

“Rohypnol and garden shears were involved, so yeah, I’d say it was pretty messy.” He realized his mistake when the sickened look crossed her face. “Sorry.”

“It’s… fine,” she said. “Probably should’ve guessed.”

They sat in silence again, but the climate of it had shifted. It felt easier, somehow. Less like he half-expected the fog of the Lonely to come rolling in for a snack. Gerry remembered his coffee, and found it just on the edge of lukewarm. He drank it anyway.

Georgie shot him one last odd look, then took out her phone. She scrolled through it for a minute or so, then snagged a paper napkin and pulled a ballpoint pen from somewhere to scribble on it.

“Here,” she said, sliding it over. Gerry looked down to find a line of neat blue numbers. “That’s the number of the therapist I talked to after—what happened to me.” She looked at him briefly, saw the dubious look on his face, and shrugged at him. “Just in case you need another lifeline.”

It was strange—usually Jon was the one to make funny things happen in his chest. This one didn’t feel the same, but he still didn’t quite know what to do with it. It left him feeling uncomfortably like he owed her something.

“I won’t let any of it hurt him,” he said, because he had nothing else to offer. “I’ll end it myself before I put him in danger.”

She nodded, though she didn’t look as relieved about it as he’d hoped. “That’s good,” she said hesitantly. “Don’t be a martyr, either. You—you deserve help. You deserve a chance to get out. You know that, right?”

He tried to smile, but it felt more like baring his teeth in fear. “Don’t think I really know what anyone deserves.”

Georgie reached across the space between them, telegraphing her movements in case he wanted to pull away. He didn’t, even as her hand settled on top of his. “I’m rooting for you, alright?” she said firmly, as if she’d just decided it then and there. “Jon’s… he’s happy with you, you know?”

“Fuck if I know why,” he forced out.

“Stop that.” She gave his hand a quick squeeze. “I changed my mind about you, before. I can tell he makes you happy, too.”

His throat felt tight. “Yeah.”

“Fuck if I know why.”

“Oh, piss off.”

He palmed the napkin while she was busy laughing at him. For a moment he eyed the nearest bin, judging the distance and his chances of making it without her noticing. The moment passed, and instead he folded it carefully around the numbers and slipped it into his pocket to throw out later.

He never did.

[queen-thinky-thoughts]

Freddie said once or twice that he actually liked to be alone sometimes. I think maybe that's what worked with Mary - he could be alone and quiet with her because she was quiet too, and her presence was peaceful and calming (my speculations of course), so he could rest from his crazy stage life and alllow her to take care of him and just be there. But i also think that she could be open with him more than with anyone else, and he could give her comfort and care too.

Yes, I think you're on to something. I know Freddie had an urge to sometimes retreat, but at the same time he was really very bad at being alone for any length of time. (He wanted someone by his side, whether that was a girlfriend who mothered him, flatmates early on, a boyfriend who loved him or even a personal assistant who was at his disposal almost every minute of the day.) So I think what he actually wanted was to be was alone, together. And you may well be right that he found it easy to be at peace/quiet with Mary.

You know, I think there's actually a parallel here between his relationship with Jim and his relationship with Mary. Those two or wildly different people, of course, but the one thing they have in common, is that I think they both - in their own ways - "de-escalated" Freddie.

Jim just did not engage in his dramatic antics and I speculate that neither did Mary, really. I think here are two people who grounded him, and that was why those relationships worked, why he needed them.

Sometimes uneventful can be 'peaceful', sometimes people stay in relationships for a long time, not because they are happily in love, but because everything is on a base level of 'okay'. It's fine. Things work, you are safe, you appreciate your partner and it's easier not to question whether either of you is actually happy. This is complete conjecture, but I see something of that vein in Mary's and Freddie's relationship.

I will go further and say that I have a theory (again, based on nothing but speculation) that some of the 'red flag - there's something wrong here' aspects of their relationship worked for Mary. I've often wondered about the sex, which I assume they had in the beginning, and I don't think they really had anymore after a while (although we don't really know this). I am, again, thinking of a 15-year-old entering what was literally an adult woman's life. I think of the implications of that, and I cannot for the life of me imagine that whatever Mary's experiences were, before Freddie - and she was only 19 when they started going out - I can't imagine that her experiences with men were super positive. They might have been. But given the circumstances, I think it's highly unlikely. I'm trying to say that the lack of a sex life may have been kind of a relief to both of them.

Anyway, all that aside, I definitely do think that they were able to be comfortable with each other - to some degree. And they did open up to each other - to some degree. I think that degree was the exact degree to which Mary could allow herself to be emotionally close to somebody. It was a fair bit less than Freddie had opened up previously, to Rosemary, so it isn't as if he wasn't capable of it. But with Mary, he kept such a big part of himself completely secret for such a long time. I don't know, it just really makes me think, because at all times in his life it's like Freddie was desperate to tell anyone who would listen, anyone who asked, that he was gay. I think she never asked, and I think there's equally much she probably never told.

[sunshineandcybertronians]

It’s Nice to Have a Friend - (Secret Solenoid) TFP Starscream x reader

Word count: 5,599

Warnings: none

A/n: This is my Secret Solenoid gift to @sheabeeprime. This ended up way longer than I meant it to be. The ideas for what I could do just kept piling up and I decided to do all of them. And in true Scarlet fashion, I named this after a Taylor Swift song.

~

The view was amazing from where you sat on the edge of a cliff. Staring at the amazing view ahead of you. The wind in your face and hair. Just you, your thoughts, and the giant robot on your left.

Yeah, you honestly had no idea why Starscream decided to sit with you. And no idea why he always came to your home to pick you up when he was hunting for energon. Maybe he just needed company? Whatever the reason, an opportunity like this was too cool to pass down. So you tagged along whenever you were free. Which sometimes meant having to tell him you were busy or why you weren’t home when he came last. Though it was amazing how he would avoid being seen.

You didn’t know much about him. All you knew was that he was grumpy, had a huge ego, and his ex co-workers sucked.

You bit your lip. Today was the only chance for you to ask this. You pushed a strand of hair that flew in your face.

His helm faced forward, but his optics were on you. “What is it, human?”

“Hmmm?” You looked up at him as innocently as you could manage.

“’I know you were going to ask me something. Just ask me and get it over with.”

“Well,” you began, “There’s this parade going on…”

“And?” he raised one of his large eyebrows.

“It’s celebrating all the different countries in the world.”

“So?”

“I was thinking we could go?” You shrugged and gave a strained smile.

“No.” He immediately shot down the idea.

“But you could learn all about different human cultures.”

“Why would I want to learn about other humans anyway?”

“Wouldn’t simply knowing those kinds of things get you ahead of, and make you more knowledgeable than, the Decepticons?” you asked nonchalantly.

“Hah! You think saying that will make me go?” A look of amused triumph was on his face, but you could see the metaphorical cogs turning in his helm. He soon let out an angry and reluctant hum. “But I suppose I could take some of my precious time to come to your… ‘celebration of opposing humans’.” He waved his servo.

You let out a laugh. “We aren’t enemies or any like that just because we’re from other countries. Yeah, there can be some wars, but we’re mostly allies.”

Starscream gave you a perplexed look with his head tilted. Eventually, he just huffed and turned away, mumbling, “That doesn’t even make sense.”

You examined him, then shrugged. “Okay. But whether or not it makes sense to you, I’m honored you’ll bestow your presence upon the parade.”

He considered your words and, once he processed that it was praise, he puffed out his chassis with his helm held high.

There was a bit of trial and error in figuring out how to get there. You didn’t have exact coordinates and Starscream didn’t know where it was. Finally, you both decided on a method. You would give him directions while looking at a map on your phone. Once you steer him in the general area, you should be able to see the parade from the air. Upon this decision, Starscream jumped off the cliff to perform a flawless, midair transformation. He soared back up to meet you, showing off a few spins, and opened the cockpit for you to get in.

You eagerly got in and he took off. He shot through the sky like a comet, reaching up through a puffy white cloud, which resulted in a huge smile on your face. There was something amazing about being that high above the ground. Clouds stretching out made it feel like a new, hidden world.

“Which way?”

“Oh, right!”

 It was strange how people appeared so small from up above. The whole event would probably have seemed grander from the ground, but you weren’t going to pass up the opportunity to see it from the air. Especially with a giant robot.

“Wow. Look at it,” you commented. Suddenly, the rule of ‘if I can see you, you can see me’ came to mind. “Uh, are they going to find it suspicious that a jet is just floating here?”

“You tell me.”

You thought for only a second. “Definitely.”

Starscream maneuvered himself into a cloud, enclosing around him as though it were just a hologram. The nose poked out and there was a thin layer of cloud over the glass off the cockpit.

“You can still see, right?” he inquired.

“Yep. Thanks.”

You leaned back comfortably. The view was amazing. However the wonder slowly wore off and the silence began pricking at you. You almost wished for him to start complaining, or asking you questions, or for a radio. Though you doubted that he would enjoy human music. Or would he? Maybe you should try introducing some to him, but which genre?

“So what’s going on?” Starscream’s question brought you out of your thoughts.

“Oh, well people representing each country are walking in their group with a flag of that country. Like Italy, over there. They invented pizza!” You sat straight and pointed.

“What now?”

“Pizza, it’s a type of food that has cheese and tomato sauce an-“

“Nevermind. I don’t want to hear about the things you fleshies consume.” You thought you felt his alt mode shudder.

“Hey, if you were human, you would like it too,” you said. You fought the feeling of being offended that was taking over your thoughts.

“Then thank Primus I’m not.”

“Whatever.”  You crossed your arms and slouched back. “… But we do need to eat to survive you know.”

He hummed in reluctant consideration. “I suppose you’re right.”

Some time passed as you continued to sit there. Occasionally you would comment on a ‘country’ that was passing by. Sometimes he would ask about one. It was surprising how much your mind blanked out when you tried to talk about a country. You would have assumed that you wouldn’t have this problem considering you grew up on Earth.

A white flag with a circle and black lines on the corners caught your eye. You couldn't see the details from so far away, but you knew the circle was a blue and red yin yang. "Oh! That's the flag for South Korea."

"South? That sounds more like a location than a faction."

"Faction? What? Well, yes, it's a location. A location with its own government and own way of doing things. Like how you're a cybertronian. Because you're from Cybertron? Were you thinking about it like that? Factions?"

He hovered slightly higher then fell back into place. "How was I supposed to know? Cybertron had one government and leader. Much simpler."

"Hmmm." You considered the thought. "That's either really nice or there was a lot of corruption."

"Oh, you bet there was corruption. But does that mean there's a north, whatever it's called?"

"Korea. And yes, there's a North Korea. It split into north and south a while ago. North Korea has a dictator and isn't a place you want to go."

“What kinds of governments does each of these ‘countries’ have?” He asked.

“Well, the USA is a Democratic Republic. And there’s also socialism in some places, and at some point I think Russia was communist? Why can’t I remember anything?” You cursed yourself.

“Remind me why there isn’t one large government and leaders over the whole Earth?”

“That would be hard to do. A lot of people just wouldn’t agree to that. One of the reasons being that people want their own way of doing things. Since all of these countries formed on their own, having them all agree on giving up their own leadership to have a universal government is nearly impossible. There will always be someone who disagrees on how to run things.”

“It would be easier if someone just conquered the Earth.”

“You think people haven’t tried? There’ve been quite a bit of attempts, like Napoleon, but they all failed in the end. It’s a big place and people fight back.”

Another silence fell upon you both. You bit your lip as you scanned over the parade again.

"There's Japan. They have anime," you said.

Starscream finally lost his patience. “I’m not learning anything of use here! I’m just sitting here watching humans walk! The most informative bit was what you told me about North Kaon!"

"North Korea."

"Whatever it was! You expect me to remember all of these names?”

“Well, at least you can get an idea of what each country is like.”

“Admit it, you just told me to go because you wanted to come.”

“Maybe,” your voice rose an octave higher.

He scoffed.

“But,” you added, sitting up, “I did genuinely want to see it with you and show you a little more of Earth.”

“Why would I want to stay here even longer?!”

“I didn’t say that.” You looked at the gauges softly as if it were his face.

“Ah,” there was a nervous stutter present in his voice, “right.”

“Why did you come to Earth if you hate it so much?”

“It’s one of the last locations where we can find even scraps of energon. And you’ve come along to aid me enough times to know it’s important,” he said.

“It’s one of the only things you do.” You recollected everytime you were with him.

“Because ever since leaving the Decepticons ranks, I no longer have access to our storage or equipment to effectively find it. But I promise you, if it weren’t for Cybertron becoming a desert wasteland during the war, I would have never come to this mud ball.”

“Well. Even if you really wanna get back to cybertron, I’m glad I met you. And that I got to experience your awesome flying skills.” You tugged on a strand of your hair and ran your fingers through it.

There was  a brief silence.

“I mean, of course you would… How much longer did you want to see the parade?”

“Maybe a half an hour.”

“Hmmm. I’m going to be sore after hovering in the same spot for so long.”

“I could always rub your wings later if you want,” you offered.

“And let your grubby, little, fleshie hands on my magnificent wings? I think not.”

“Okay.” You rolled your eyes playfully. “It was just an idea.”

For a few more moments, neither of you said anything.

“Would you like to see a demonstration of my aerobatic skills later?”

“Actually, I would.”

A comfortable pause fell upon you.

“…Would you like to go down there?” he offered. He tipped his nose ever-so-slightly to the ground.

“Nah.” You leaned back in your seat with a smile. “I like it up here with you.”

 It had been two months and six days since you last saw him.

Yes, you were counting and had no idea why. Maybe he finally got tired of your fleshie self and left. Maybe you should have seen it coming with how much he disliked humans. Maybe you annoyed him so much that he decided to never see you again without a word.

Yet, when you truly thought about it, it didn’t make sense. He seemed to enjoy being with you, even if he never showed it outright. He was always the one who decided to bring you along when hunting for energon. Even when he was a giant robot, and clearly had some sort of prejudice against humans, it felt as though he still treated you as an equal to some degree.

But maybe he truly did get tired of you.

You stood by your window. The sun had dipped below the horizon and the last ghosts of light had faded away into darkness. You stood in your sweat pants and baggy t-shirt. Your hair was brushed and you were ready to relax. A warm cup of hot chocolate was in your hands, the warmth seeping into your skin. You stared into the cup, thinking of nothing in particular when you blinked at a sudden light.

Your eyes instinctively followed the light. Outside the window, hovering just above the ground, was a large, greenish blue, swirling vortex. You stepped back, but promptly leaned closer for a better look. It didn’t seem to be pulling anything into it. It seemed gentle, yet powerful. You would have found it beautiful if your mind weren’t preoccupied with confusion.

Something seemed to appear inside of it. It was tall, and metal and--!

You nearly dropped your glass mug. After placing it safely to the side, you grabbed a jacket and rushed out the door. You raced to where you saw the portal as fast as your feet would carry you. It was still there when you reached it. Starscream held a device in his hands and his red optics searched the area, as if looking for something.

“Starscream!” You ran up to him, nearly in tears. “Where were you? You’ve been gone forever!”

His optics avoided your eyes. “Well, I…” His mouth pushed into a thin frown. “I lost my T-cog.”

“You’re what now?”

“T-cog! It’s what allows cybertronians to transform.”

Your current expression dropped as it finally dawned on you. The reason he had suddenly disappeared. Then you remembered that there were other people nearby.

“Why don’t we go back through your portal thing and talk about it there?” You began to jog into the portal.

“Ground bridge.”

“Whatever it is.”

You ran while he walked in. The fact that the ground seemed to be made of swirling energy, though it felt completely solid, messed you up. You being smaller didn’t help either. You were running and still falling behind. After a half a minute, Starscream turned around to pick you up and carry you through.

A flash filled your vision and you had to blink several times to adjust to the dark, new area. The walls, ceiling, and floor were made entirely of metal. The only light source came from a dim glow from an foreign, alien screen. It was clear from the dust that no one had been there in a long time. The scale was so large that you felt confident that this was something cybertronians built.

The portal behind you shrunk until it vanished. Starscream lowered you down onto the ground. As soon as your feet hit the floor, you dashed to Starscream’s foot to give him the biggest hug you could.

“I missed you,” you mumbled. Of course, he might have not heard it if it weren’t for nearly every surface being made of metal, causing an echo.

His posture went rigid. He began to reach down to pat your head, then pulled his hand away. He stayed like that without moving a servo the whole time you hugged him.

“Ah… Me too.”

You let go. The cold of the living metal still lingered on you.

“Where have you been? How did…?” You stared up at him.

“I came across some other humans,” he began as he walked over for something to sit on. He helped you up onto it and you sat next to him. “I tried to asist them in building a cybertronian. I believed that they would allow me to keep energon I allowed them to find.” He stared at the floor the entire time.

Your eyes stayed locked on his glowing optics. “Build a cybertronian? Wait, if that was what happened, how did you lose your T thing?”

“I-They needed a t-cog in order to build a cybertronian. The one they already acquired was lost and they decided to take mine instead.” He almost seemed to curl up at the last words.

This settled on your mind like a ton of bricks. You didn’t say a word. Suddenly the room felt very heavy. The silence was like a suffocating blanket that you couldn’t seem to push off. You swallowed.

“They took… it? But, you could have fought them off easi-“

“They shot me with some sort of stun mechanism then proceeded to rip me open to take it!” His talons clenched into fists before him.

Once again, you couldn’t speak.

“Why is it that the first humans I meet, other than you, are no better than the Decepticons?”

“… Because some people can just be like that. Just like humans have potential for both good and harm, it seems like cybertronians are the same in that way.” You stared at the ground. “So… You can’t transform anymore?”

“No.”

“And that’s why you couldn’t fly back to me?”

“Not until I found the Harbinger and a portable ground bridge.”

You nodded. You pulled your legs to your chest and stared off into nothing. “That must stink. Not being able to fly.”

“It’s been terrible! How do humans survive like this?” He lifted his fists to his face.  His eyebrows, or whatever they were called, dug into his optics.

You shrugged. “We’re just used to it.”

The metaphorical blanket came back onto you, but somewhat more comfortably. Somewhat. You both continued to sit.

“… Are you upset about my not being able to transform?” Starscream cut through the silence. Almost so softly that you could hardly believe he was the one who said it.

“Huh? Well, yes,” you let go of your legs, “because you’re upset. I know how much you love flying!”

“But what about you?”

“Me?” You pointed to yourself.

“Yes!”

“I don’t understand what you’re asking.”

“How do you feel about me not being able to transform?!” He stood up and spun on his heels to face you. His wings stuck up on point.

“Well,” you thought for a second, “I did enjoy flying, but it honestly doesn’t matter too much to me if you can turn into a jet or not. I’m just happy you came back.”

“Oh.” The frustrated expression fell from his face and he looked away. In any direction except at you.

“What’s wrong?” You straightened your back as if it would help you see what was up.

“Nothing, I think. I had simply thought that you only liked me because of my flight capabilities.”

“Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because Megatron only kept me alive because I was useful? It was always like that on Cybertron, and with those other humans. Once I become useless, I’m tossed away.”

You felt your heart twisted and your blood boiling. “I hate people who are like that. Forget them. They aren’t worth your time. I’m glad their out of your life.” You stood up. “And to me, as long as we get to hang out, I’m good.”

Starscream tilted his head. “You truly don’t make any sense.”

You shrugged. “The best people in life are free.”

“Huh?”

“People who don’t expect anything in return,” you elaborated. “They care and love you unconditionally.”

“I don’t believe anyone like that exists.”

“They exist. And so do I.” You confidently stared up at him.

His gaze darted between you and away from you. He took a few steps back, as if you were a mysterious creature that could become hostile or blow up any second. Eventually, he gave in to a beautiful, natural smile. And the room suddenly seemed brighter.

 “So, Starscream, I was thinking…” You walked into the room.

“If it’s anything about making a giant s’more again, I’m not interested.”

“No.”

Starscream had been feeling down, pun not intended, about losing his t-cog. You had cleared out two days in your schedule to have a sleepover with him. He had surprised you when you jokingly offered for him to brush your hair and he accepted. He also tried to braid it when you taught him how. It was surprisingly well done, considering the size of his talons, but still sloppy. You had to remind him that he wasn’t a failure at braiding. While laying in your sleeping bag and bundle of blankets you brought for the occasion, an idea came to you.

“I was thinking,” you continued, “that since you’ve been down about not being able to,” Starscream gave you the stink eye, “you know. So I decided it would be fun to do something similar to that one day with the parade.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I can’t fly you to another one.”

“No, not that. I mean that there’s this scout group doing a world presentation or whatever near where I live. They’re going to have cardboard stands set up for each country they researched about.”

“I really don’t think you’ve thought this through,” Starscream sighed, “I do not think these, or any, humans would react well to seeing a cybertronian.”

“I’ve already figured that out!” You bounced on your toes. “I’ll be carrying a camera that will stream video to you over here. That way you can see it without having to be there! And I have some earbuds so I can start a call with you and be able to hear and answer back if you have any questions.”

“Will the humans be suspicious about you speaking to no one?”

“Nope! They’ll just assume I’m on a call with someone, which technically isn’t wrong. So what do you say?”

 “Okay. So you can still see the video feed, right?” you asked while readjusting the camera on your hat.

“Yes, now stop shaking around!” Starscream’s voice came through your earbud. You swore that you would go deaf if this lasted too long.

“Okay,” you mumbled.

The sky was overcast. You walked into the building along with families that had come to see the scouts’ projects. There were tons of tables and three paneled boards lined up. People wandered around. They would stop to read, then turn and walk to the next one that caught their eye. It was clear which groups were family because they would greatly compliment the child’s work.

You figured you needed to start somewhere. It was a stange feeling to be there when you didn’t know anyone, even if the event was open to the public.

“Are we just going to stare?”

This snapped you out of your daze. You blinked for a second. Right, you weren’t alone. You had Starscream.

“Right,” you said and stepped forward.

You walked along the rows, glancing over them until one caught your eye. “France,” you said while pointing to the printed out flag, making sure your finger could be seen by the camera. “It’s in Europe. The capital is Paris. The population is 66 million.” You read off of it. You walked over to another. “Germany. It’s also in Europe. You know, maybe this whole row is European countries. Anyway, capital’s Berlin. Population is 83 million. Their currency is euros.”

“Ironic how these give more information than you did that other day.”

You rolled your eyes. “Yes. Ironic.” You walked a few more steps and stopped. “Some place named Estonia. The flag looks cool.”

“It’s three lines of color, like the other ones.”

“I like the colors.”

“There’s a lot of writing and pictures on each report,” Starscream commented. “Did each of these children research, find the information, and organize it in a presentable way?”

“Yes?” your voice came out as more of a question.

“Impressive.”

You smiled. “Some kids don’t do scouts, but they end up doing things similar with science fairs in school. They’ll do experiments or research, and they they have to make a presentation about it, like a vinegar volcano.”

“A volcano?!”

“No, it can’t do anything dangerous.”

“Then what’s the point? I wouldn’t call that science.”

“It’s simple science that kids are able to do. You know, since they’re kids?”

You noticed one of the parents staring at you and you gave an apologetic look while moving your hair to point at your earbud. You continued walking and eyeing some of the posters to read to Starscream. You had gotten to the Asia section and did your best to pick out something to show him.

“And see? The rainbow bridge.” You pointed.

“Huh? Oh, yes. Very nice,” he said absent mindedly.

You quirked an eyebrow up, but eventually shrugged. He was probably getting bored with all of this. A part of you was beginning to wonder why you thought this was a good idea. This thought detracted you from the sounds surrounding you. You suddenly felt cold and like something was hitting you?

You looked around and suddenly noticed that the fire alarm had gone off. Loud beeps filled the room. Everyone was trying to get out. Kids looked in all directions in confusion. Adults tried to keep them calm and safely head out. Your clothes were beginning to dampen. Instead of trying to get out, your first instinct was to get out of the sprinkler. You crawled under a table and peeked out.

The last few people were almost through the door. That’s when you decided it was time for you to go, but something caught your eye. Something in one of the upper windows that lined the wall near the ceiling. Starscream? His red optics stared down at you and he signaled for you to stay there, along with whispering to you through your earbud. You were confused, but you hid under the table once more.

You waited until the water stopped pouring. Once it was over, you pulled yourself out and to your feet. You glanced around. That was rather sudden. And now there were puddles all over the floor.

A loud rattling echoed in the room.

You turned to see the large door, the kind you would see in a garage, at the back of the room open up. The temperature of the room changed to match outside. Starscream held the door up with a mischievous smirk. You took your earbud out.

“What did you do?”

“I may have gotten bored simply watching through a screen and decided to come. And I may have possibly started a fire, opened a window, and held it next to one of those fire alarms.” His grin grew with each word.

“Really?” You asked rhetorically with your hands on your hips. But you couldn’t help but crack a smile yourself.

“What? I was bored.” He shrugged and waved a hand.

You shook your head with a laugh. “Whatever.”

Starscream ducked in. He had to stay bent down to order to fit. You moved out of his way was he came in.

“So, you were actually interested in this?” you questioned.

“I thought it would be better to see it in person with you.”

“Yeah, but some fire trucks or someone else is going to eventually come back here and see you.”

“Hmm.” He looked back. “I see. But one look for a nanoklick couldn’t hurt. I just did all of this so I could see it anyway.”

“Okay.” You shrugged. “Just hurry.”

After his wing nicked the roof when he tried to straighten himself, he quickly realized that it was easier for him to be on his knees. As he got down on his knees, you helped direct him down in the small free space between the tables. The legs skidding against the floor echoed through the room and made you jump. You were surprised he was even trying to do this when he could barely fit between the rows.

He had to lean in close to get good look of the displays. He would occasionally ask you the meaning of a word he didn’t know. You had to admit, it was more fun to have him there in person. Unfortunately you couldn’t enjoy this for fear of being seen. You constantly looked over your shoulder.

Eventually your paranoia dropped by a few notches. Though, by then Starscream had gotten tired of being crammed in a small space and probably noticed your concern. It was awkward getting to the garage door, between him being unable to move much and him blocking you. But you made your way out.

He lifted the door and ducked under and out. You followed when you noticed him freeze. Confused, you followed his gaze. Your blood went cold and you felt as if your mind was being squeezed into a box.

Staring up at Starscream was what looked to be a five year old child. The little boy was alone, probably wandered off, and had an orange jacket and hat. His expression twisted into disbelief then fear. Your heart rate quickened when you saw his face wobbling.

“Scrap,” you let out as you both turn the other way in panic.

Starscream closed the door with a loud bang that sent a shiver up your spine. You didn’t noticed what Starstream was doing behind you, since you were already running on instinct. When he came into your field of vision again, he was twisting on one foot to regain balance and lifted up the remote ground bridge device. In his panic, he hesitated on which button to click, but quickly pressed it once he remembered.

“Is it a good idea to open it up in here?” you questioned as the piece of cybertronian technology swirled and grew before you.

“I would have preferred a larger space, but I don’t believe we have much of a choice.”

He scooped you up and pulled you through. Like always, you blinked when a flash filled your vision. The air suddenly changed and you were back on the Harbinger as the ground bridge closed behind you. When he held you to the ground and you finally collected yourself enough to jump off, you realized that three of the cardboard presentations had managed to come through along with you and Starscream.

You stood there. “Well, that was interesting.”

“One shouldn’t cause any problems, right?” He looked to you before his eyes darted back to where the ground bridge was.

“That was a kid. They won’t believe him. They might look around, but after seeing no giant robot, they’ll dismiss it.”

“That’s good to hear.” Starscream groaned and held his shoulder. “That made all of my joints stiff. And the tip of my wing caught on the top of that door.” He glanced at his wing with a slight pout on his face.

You stared up at him, taking a moment to consider your words before you were unable to take them back. “… Would you like it if I massaged your wings?”

His optics widened and darted around the area. “Fine,” you could barely hear in the midst of low grumbles.

You blinked twice before fully processing what that meant. As you were trying to figure out how to even reach his wings, he held out his hand. You stepped onto it and he carried you to a table or whatever it was. It was too large for you to tell exactly. You carefully got off of his hand and he sat with his wings facing you.

You sat with your legs hanging off the edge. Your hands reached out to his wings. He readjusted himself so you didn’t have to lean forward in order to touch them. Your fingers shook. You hesitated. Finally, your hand laid flat on it. It was cold. You didn’t know what you expected. It was basically like touching a regular piece of metal. You weren’t sure what you were expecting. But somehow it felt different. Maybe because he had trusted you to touch it. You began rubbing it soothingly. You prayed that you weren’t doing anything wrong.

He hummed as you rubbed patterns onto it. Although you were sure he could barely feel it, you saw him relaxing. There was silence for several minutes.

“Why are you so kind?” he said.

“Huh?” You did your best to peek around to look at his face.

“How can humans be like this? At least you and the ones you talk about. Those small humans, no matter how well they proformed with their research, were praised. And how can other humans get along well enough to be allies despite having separate territories and governments? How can anyone do anything for someone else without expected anything in return.” He turned his helm to you. “Unless there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“No?” You tilted your head in confusion. “I just wanted to because it was the nice thing to do?”

“How? Why?” He turned his whole body, leaving your hands floating in the air. “Why are you always so nice to me? Has it ever occurred to you that you would get nothing in return? Especially from a grounded Decepticon defect?”

“I’m not looking for anything in return,” you started calmly. “I might get to learn about cybertronians, and do some cool things with you. And I get to spend time with you. I get that in exchange, but I’m not expecting anything more. Can you please accept that there are some people who are just nice? Who actually like you and want what’s best for you?”

His face twisted, as if about to argue. But paused, like he had never considered that before. He opened his mouth again, but closed it again, when no words would come out.

He eventually sighed. “I suppose I’ll simply have to trust you,” he said softly. He stared at you closely. “Your hair dried.”  

You suddenly remembered it had been wet from the sprinklers. He reached out and touched your hair, letting it fall on his talons.  Then he flinched back. “Uh… apologies.”

You reached out to pull his finger close to you and hug it. “It’s okay.” You smiled. “I like it.”

Starscream appeared shocked by this, but relaxed and smiled. A genuine smile.

[mrwinterr]

Who Do You Love?

Pairing: David Budd x Female Reader

Summary: After some months that David’s been working for the Home Secretary, you notice he’s been acting differently. Not wanting to overanalyze the situation, the signs are just too hard to ignore, so when it’s time to confront him there’s only one real question to ask.

Warnings: Bodyguard (2018) TV series spoilers! Adult themes. Explicit language. Light smut. Infidelity/cheating. Mentions of war, PTSD, political assassination, death, pregnancy/miscarriage, paranoia, and attempted suicide. Sad vibes, probably. We’re not gonna have a good time.

Disclaimer: This piece goes hand-in-hand with All For You. It’s not required to read beforehand, but it would be nice. As far as the TV series, yeah, don’t even read these if you’re still planning to watch the show. If you don’t care, you may proceed.

Title Inspiration: “Who Do You Love?” by The Chainsmokers ft. 5 Seconds of Summer

A/N: I want a happy David, I really do, but I’m a heartless writer. I took a break from the smut, so it’s not a huge bulk of the fic this time. I hope y’all still like it! Happy New Year! 

Another night alone was not unusual for you as of late, having grown accustomed to it ever since David had taken up the job of protecting Home Secretary, Julia Montague. Neither you nor David could’ve foreseen his courageous efforts in neutralizing the terrorist attack on the train back home would thrust him into his new position, furthermore the extent of its outcome in his personal life.

It wasn’t a hidden secret that David resented most politicians, and you knew of Julia from the news and her political ambitions in pushing a bill to increase security surveillance. David’s job put a big emphasis on confidentiality, so for his superiors to throw him into a public political warzone was a bit suspicious to you. There was something that didn’t add up, and you couldn’t just outright ask David whose side he was on in all this.

After neglecting the mountain of dirty laundry, tonight was dedicated to the domestic chore. It was nothing out of the ordinary mixing your batch with David’s, but he had a habit of leaving things in his clothes pockets, so it was routine for you to check everyone. You’d moved onto one of the costly tailored button-ups he wore to work and feel something protruding from the shirt pocket. You dig your hand in and fish out a tube of lipstick. Strange. You didn’t use this brand of cosmetics, and even more so the garment smelt different.

Under normal circumstances, this type of discovery would raise a red flag, but you recall one of David’s first days on the job as her bodyguard, the intern had clumsily spilt Julia’s coffee all over her outfit just before she was about to do a live interview, and David had offered her the shirt off his back, essentially saving the day. The man was just too dedicated to his job sometimes, so you shrug it off, but this wouldn’t be the first time you would notice something out of place.

It really started after the first assassination attempt that was made on Julia’s life. With the rate she was going at, her political status had made her a prime target to those opposed to RIPA-18. It was very frightening, you figured that much for her, David had seen worse in war. You just about had a heart attack when you reunited with him that night, the blood still stained on his clothes and missed splotches on his skin.

The both of you clung onto each other all night, lost within the throes of passion. It might as well have been one of the most intense nights yet, even then you could tell something changed by his movements. You didn’t think much about it at first because there’s already so much wrong with him, you’ve yet to learn all his mood swings.

Then one day you’d gotten sick, and discovered it was because you were pregnant with David’s child. One of the few things that made you forget about all the aches and pains that David unintentionally caused, was remembering the beautiful smile on his face when you revealed the news to him. You knew how much happiness Ella and Charlie brought him, you could only imagine what that would feel like, your own family with David.

He was so overjoyed in the beginning. He had quickly phoned his mother, who’d visited and even stayed a few days with you when David’s new position became more demanding of him, claiming she was worried about you being alone. You didn’t deserve to experience this alone, but it was sure heading that way.

Lately, you’ve found yourself occupying the Budd household quite more than often when David’s mom went back home. With David being on duty almost 24/7, you were completely alone, so the little family welcomed you.

Legally, on paper, David was still married to Vicky. It was something you weren't going to verbally admit bothered you, but oddly enough it did. What with the mood you’ve been in as of late, it ate at a part of you. They were separated and the divorce papers were well on track until David’s “promotion” paused the process.

There’s still not a hostile fiber in you towards Vicky. She’d moved on well, been on several dates with someone else, and things were looking great for her. It was lowkey, not even David knew about it, not that he even stuck around or bothered to care. It had to come out eventually because it would affect Ella and Charlie’s lives.

You watch as Vicky rounds the table after placing a cup of tea in front of you then sitting in the seat across and asking how you’re holding up.

You contemplate for a split second if you should be honest or not, but who else could you confine to at the moment? No one else could possibly understand. Vicky herself may not even, but she knew David more than most people did, so surely, she could see where you’re coming from to some degree, right?

Letting out a big sigh, you answer her truthfully, “I’m...not well, Vicky,” your eyes drop down to the cup in front of you, finger tracing the rim, the hot cloud of smoke of the concoction almost burns your skin.  

“Oh, poor thing,” she says, extending her hand over to place it on top of your other one on the table, “it’s the pregnancy. It has to be. It’s taking a toll on you. I can tell.” You look up at her and almost want to cry. No one noticed it was more than symptoms of pregnancy. You were bottling up so much.  

“Let me tell you, while I love Ella and Charlie, pregnancy was not a breeze…” she started to ramble, but you quickly cut her off, exhausted of people telling you the same thing over and over, unintentionally, blaming the innocent baby.

“No. I don’t think it’s that. I don’t want to blame anything on the pregnancy,” you say straight up. You got yourself into this mess, you went headfirst knowing the baggage David came with and you knew full well that protection wasn’t at the forefront in the affairs. Ready or not, you both went in this together and brought a baby into the picture.

Vicky stares, confused, but still genuinely concerned, “then what else could be wrong?” When you didn't immediately respond, she knew it had to be one other thing, or person, and you just didn’t want to admit, well out loud, “David?”

You only nod; you knew you were going to have to face the music sooner or later. So, you start listing things you’ve observed that have caused you to grow suspicious over the course of the last few months. You just hoped you didn’t sound like a mad woman in front of her.

The one time your phone had died, and he let you use his to place a food delivery. You couldn’t unlock his phone, trying every possible combined set of numbers close to David, only to come to a conclusion that the access code had changed. Visibly distressed, he realizes you were attempting to unlock his work phone. You knew that was his though. What work phone?

You didn’t even know he had one of those, let alone why did it have the same crack on the screen in the exact same spot as his personal one? You feigned stupidity and blamed it on exhaustion. Deep down David knew you were suspecting something was up, and he ended up placing the order for dinner that night himself.

The other time you confronted David about coming home smelling heavily of another woman. Whatever, whoever, her perfume was strong, and it made you nauseous. The pregnancy didn’t even do you any favors on this one with your senses heightened and overly sensitive.

Of course, he smelled of another woman, the person he was assigned to protect. You could see all the holes in his alibi. He was lying, and it hurt most when he indirectly admitted your mood swings were irritating him and then flipped it all on you, saying you were overthinking the situation and getting all paranoid for no reason. Accused you of not trusting him, when truth was you had the utmost faith in him, but not when the evidence was piling up.

There’s a solemn look that washed over Vicky’s face. She had expected more tales of David’s PTSD, but none of what you spilled alluded to it. This time David couldn’t blame the effects of war on your suspicions. However, Vicky knew that this was you and David, and if there was a pair that could survive love’s tumultuous doings then it was you two.

“There’s a lot of coincidences, yes, but this is you and David,” she says, grasping your hand for support because she could see the moisture in your eyes building up, “is it silly of me to admit I was always jealous of you,” she confesses, trying to steer the conversation a different route.

She didn’t want you to think she was brushing off your worries, but to remind you that everything you and David had been through to get to this point to be together, whatever you both were dealing now wasn’t anything you two couldn’t overcome. There were high hopes for you and David in Vicky’s mind.  

A small smile cracks your face, and you bring your vacant hand up to dab at the inner corner of your eyes, just before the tears start to race down, “jealous? Of what?” It was almost shocking to think you had something she was jealous of.  

“Every time you visited us,” she starts, “I could tell David held so much admiration for you,” and you know she’s not trying to hurt your feelings, but it’s taking a bit to figure out where she’s going with this.

“That’s silly,” you scoff lightly, “you both got married and had two kids, surely there was no doubt,” then bring the cup up to your lips for a small sip.  

“But there was and look where we ended up?” she says. Your lips cave in to form a tight line in response, and carefully place the cup back down on the dish, before she follows up, “you two are finally together.”

“Vicky,” you pipe up, not knowing where to begin. It was never your intention to steal David’s heart away from another.

“I’m not saying any of this because I’m mad at you. No. I’ve never truly hated you. You’re a good person and you’re finally getting your happily ever after. Don’t ever stop fighting for it,” she comes out wholeheartedly, and this time you make no attempt to keep the tears at bay. It stung to hold them back anyways.

Vicky gets up from her seat, walking the short steps to yours, to wrap her arounds around you. You immediately cling onto her arms and just cry, finally letting everything out.

“Seriously, don’t think of the worst,” she starts advising, while rubbing your back, “David will always come back to you,” she pulls you away from her before reminding you, “you knew going into this wasn’t going to be easy.”  

You feel so pathetic. What she said was completely true, you just didn’t think it’d be this bad. There’s no doubt you love David and want to be with him through the good, the bad, and the ugly, so you nod and try to keep your chin up. It wasn’t to appease her, you were going to get back up, because if not for David, then for the baby.

Suddenly, the front door busts open and Ella and Charlie are bustling into the kitchen, where you and Vicky were. Quickly wiping away the tears, you both noted that school had just let out.

They were ecstatic to see you, especially Charlie as he had currently been experiencing issues of his own adjusting to school. They lifted your spirits greatly; they were more fascinated by the baby growing in you and couldn’t wait to meet him or her. You absolutely adored them. They looked like David and the whole time they were talking your ear off; you wonder to yourself if your own kid will look more like you or David. 

David’s thrusts were deep and good; you made no attempt to hold it in, letting him know exactly how he was making you feel. Nails digging into his firm buttocks, pulling him closer to you, wanting him to just keep going and going; the chase proving to be almost just as good as the climax. You feel one of his hands run up your side and his large hand starts groping your breast, adding onto the pleasure he was plaguing your body with, while the other held onto the small of you back, bringing your hips up to his.

His face was buried in the crook of your neck, you could feel his hot breath fanning against your skin and hear his murmured swears and praises. The air in the room was thick, and for the majority of the intimate activity, the only sounds that travelled around the apartment consisted of heavy breathing, moans, gasps, whines and skin slapping, until the annoying distinct ringtone started screeching from a few feet away.

You’d learned to distinguish his work alarm since the supposed mix-up, and it pinged constantly, agitating you. David’s pace notably falters, and the rhythm you’d both built started dwindling, the needy side of you started to panic because he was going to stop and you desperately wanted to come, even more so come with him, but it looked like neither of you would be as you feel one of David’s hands leave your body and make an attempt to reach out to the device.

You grab a hold of his wandering hand and lace your fingers together, hoping to keep him close and forget about the alert. You buck your hips forward, urging him to continue. His grip tightens and cock twitches inside of you in response. Your strategy almost deems successful when he picks up momentum, each swivel of his cock gradually bringing out the starved woman in you. Not to mention, your sex drive had heightened too, you’d longed and craved any affection he could give you.

“David, baby…” you whine, holding a hand to his face, forcing him to keep his gaze on you and only you, the ringtone almost drowning out, “...don’t. Don’t. Fucking. Stop...please,” you resort to begging and hook a leg over his body, the new angle allowing him to thrust deeper.

And just when you’re about to tip over the edge, the incessant ringing persists, and David’s halt unintentionally pulls you back down. He unwinds your sweaty clasped hands, no doubt in search of the phone once more, however, you had more leverage than he did, and your hand beats his hand to it. He wasn’t that far behind as his hand covers yours, and he tries to grab the phone to answer the call, but instead you swat it off the nightstand.  

“What the fuck?” David says aggravatedly, while attempting to reach his phone on the ground, all while he’s still inside of you, pressing your body deeper into the mattress, but careful to not crush you.

“No, fuck you, David,” you spit back, and shove his body off of yours. You scoot over to one side of the bed and try to level your breathing. You were both so close!

“What is wrong with you?” He asks, forgetting the phone on the ground.

“Do you really have to answer that?” You ask, attitude on full display.

“It could be an emergency at work,” he tries reasoning.

“You’re not on the clock, David!” You dispute, sitting up, clutching the sheets to your body to conceal yourself.

“That’s not the point! It could’ve been serious. Julia could be hurt,” he says, the words just coming out of his mouth, giving each excuse little thought. His mind was in a frenzy and you didn’t miss a single syllable.  

“You called her Julia,” you say just above a whisper, and suddenly you have an urge to vomit, but you do your best to control it.

“What?” he asks, not understanding what that meant at all to you.

It hurt more that he didn’t realize there was anything wrong and if he did, he was doing a good job at hiding something and making you look like the bad guy. You lightly shake your head, feeling defeated, and lie back down, settling on your side facing the opposite direction of him.

What was going on in David’s head? You tried so hard to understand him. It was like walking on eggshells, and even you had a breaking point. It was just sometimes too much because it felt like you were the only one putting in the effort to keep this relationship afloat.

The bed shifts significantly, letting you know that he’s gotten out of it. What felt like an hour, but were only a few seconds, the room was silent, tension still heavy in the room, and neither of you were willing to be the first to crack. You lie still, unmoving and making no attempt to stop him. It’s only when you hear the swing of the bedroom door creak, you allow yourself to blink the tears in your eyes away.

He didn’t leave the apartment that much you could rest assured of. Rest? That was what you were having trouble with. Things weren’t getting any easier with David and you even though you vowed to yourself that you’d go through Hell for him, the pressure was getting too heavy on your heart and in return, you knew the distress wouldn’t be good for the baby.

Maybe it was all just paranoia, the stress of pregnancy, and you were taking things too personal. You could be understanding about a lot of things in David’s life, his terms and PTSD, his kids, and his job, but was it too much to ask of him to be understanding of you? You suppose you were being selfish, and you were really tired. The only way to help you sleep was to swallow your pride and admit you were wrong.

The rush of the cold air instantly surrounds your bare legs the second you throw the covers off your body to get out of the bed. You throw on the discarded oversized shirt to be decent. Your steps are light, and you’re kind of nervous and, dare you admit, ashamed of how you overreacted that it drove David to the point of sleeping on the couch. After all, you made him feel unwanted in his own bed, and he certainly had enough respect to not steal yours.

Just when you’re ready to apologize and ask him to go back to bed with you, he’s already sound asleep, his legs sticking out from the mere blanket covering his upper body. You didn’t have the heart to wake him up for that. Sleep didn’t find him easy and he seemed just as stressed as you were, so you don’t disturb him. It can wait, right? You turn around and head to your room, shut the door and pray sleep finds you soon.  

It didn’t and neither did the conversation. 

News of the blast at St. Matthews College, where Julia was presenting a speech, rocked not only the political world, but it was the forefront of every news channel and medium. Tons left injured or dead, and as if that wasn’t bad, David was being told Julia had not survived the bombing.

He’s clearly distraught, believing he’s failed her, and on top of that, the weight of his lies started to suffocate him. He was going to have to come clean to you about everything he’s done behind closed doors with Julia. You wouldn’t forgive him, he was sure of that, and if by some chance you did, it would take a hell of a long time for him to regain your trust.

How many more lives does he have to ruin or lose under his watch? It was becoming too much, and it was sad, as he stared at the gun in his hands, that he’d contemplated his next actions more than once, but he really didn’t know what he had left to do anymore. There was a lot actually, he had his kids, a baby on the way, and a new life to build with you, but he was far too gone at that moment.

It’s Vicky that finds him back at the apartment, cleaning the brass fragments from the wound on the side of his head. She quickly puts the pieces together, the notes on the table addressed separately to her, the children and you, and the admission from David that these were brass fragments of a bullet casing.

“Dave, what the fuck? What about Ella and Charlie? What about-” she starts going on but stops when he visibly cracks because he knows your name is next to come out of her mouth, “I’m taking you to the hospital,” she decides and is quick to put away her tools.

“No. No one can know about this,” David says adamantly. They start to argue about his injuries and how David hadn’t been aware that he fired a blank round before he asks her to go back home to the kids.

“I’m not leaving you like this,” she says grabbing a jacket and tries to reason that he shouldn’t be alone right now and maybe being around the kids and seeing you will open his eyes and realize what he was leaving behind had he successfully ended his life.

He couldn’t pretend living like he was okay. What had happened to Julia was not his fault. All David ever did was do his best to protect, protect his country, his family and her.

“You need to tell her,” Vicky says while she hands David a cap for him to cover the wound on his head.

“I don’t even know where she’s been the last few days,” he admits pathetically. His own girlfriend, the mother of his unborn child, he can’t even keep tabs on where she’s been this whole time. It made him feel even terrible that he’d neglected you.

“She’s been staying with the kids and I,” she reveals.

“What? Why is she there?” He asks, and quickly puts the cap on and gets up from his seat.

She didn’t tell David of your whereabouts earlier because you’d asked her not to and she politely respected that, but she knew now was not the time to take sides anymore. You two had to deal with your issues now.

“She shouldn’t be alone, Dave. She’s pregnant with your child and yet she’s going through it all by herself,” Vicky tells him.

“I never meant to bring her into any of this mess,” he says heavily, full of grief. He brought you into the madness that was his world and now you’re trapped in it, bringing a new life along for the ride.

“She loves you, David, don’t sell yourself short. She just feels like she’s been left in the dark. You need to talk to her,” Vicky advises him, “it may not be pretty, but you have to hear her out.”

She knew you couldn’t stand being alone in the apartment without being reminded of David constantly. You weren’t in a good place either and she wanted to help you both before it was too late. 

You’d been left behind at the house with Ella and Charlie in the other room watching TV, while Vicky was out looking for David. He wasn’t answering any of the phone calls she’s made, even ones made on your cell phone, there was no form of contact or communication from him. You knew he was there at the college; he was Julia’s bodyguard after all.

When you heard more than two voices return, you knew she’d brought David back and had told him you’d be here. You weren’t mad at her for ratting you out, it was going to come out eventually. Nothing ever stays hidden.

“You don’t normally wear a hat indoors,” Ella points out the cap on David’s head that stuck out like a sore thumb.

“You said it’s silly,” Charlie reminds his father.

“Then I’m being silly,” David responds as he watches his children chomp away at the slices of pizza in their hands.

While Vicky was on the phone cancelling her date tonight, you faintly hear the end of the conversation he was having with Ella and Charlie over their dinner. He still hadn’t even seen you. Then you hear his quiet, controlled sobs, but he couldn’t detain them enough and be strong around his kids.

“I just did something silly today,” he tells them.

“Wearing a hat?” Charlie asks innocently.

“That, too,” he replies as he clings onto them both in a group hug.

Vicky had just revealed to you of David’s suicide attempt moments ago. You’re numb. Clearly, Julia’s death had affected him rather deeply, so much that he thought killing himself was a solution.

He didn’t care about you or the baby. You both weren’t enough to save him or have anything to look forward to. You can’t even cry anymore. You wanted to lash out and get mad. She advises you to keep calm and think rationally, but you’re tired of thinking about all of this.  

Without warning, David enters the room you’d been staying in. You’re like stone on the couch, arms crossed and starting straight ahead of you, mindlessly at whatever TV program the kids left it on before retreating to the dining area. Your eyes cast themselves on David’s demure stance. He cautiously steps forward and hesitantly takes a seat next to you.

“Is it true?” You ask, breaking the silence and finally turn to look at him. He only nods in response, his head hangs low, ashamed. You felt like your heart didn’t have any parts to break anymore. The confirmation alone just felt like him stomping on it for added measure.

“Ok,” is all you say, biting down on your lip to prevent you from saying anything else. It was petty, but you’d refused to show him any remorse or sorrow of any kind.

“Is this where you’ve been the past few nights?” He questions, rather awkwardly too.

“Oh, so you’ve noticed I haven’t been home?” You ask bitterly.

He was really going to push your buttons. You’re not sure if Vicky was right about you and David having to talk. This wasn’t going to go well at all. You were not in an ideal mental and physical state to be talking about your problems with him, but if not now then when?

“Of course, I have. Why wouldn’t I?” He asks, almost appalled by the accusation, and watching as you get up from the couch to stand in front of him.  

“I hardly see you and when I do I find out that you just tried to kill yourself, so forgive me for not assuming I even ran as a mere thought in your messed-up head,” it was harsh, poking at his mental state, but you were so fed up, your mind was just as clouded, “...you didn’t think about me when you held the gun to your head,” you said ripping off his hat.

Your heart tightens in your chest as you stare at the wound and tears threaten to fall, but you don’t let them, “...and you certainly didn’t think about our baby when you pulled the trigger,” then chuck the cap at him, he makes no attempt to catch it as it lightly bounces off his chest and fall onto his lap.

“I’m so sorry,” he says sincerely and making no attempt to hide his tears as they raced down, “I’m so fucking stupid,” and he gets up on his feet, ”...I need help.”

He’s not even going to use the excuse of work and you’re not expecting him to rat himself out and come clean about Julia just yet. David didn’t work like that and you were absolutely done with it. No, everything had to come out now.

“I know,” is all you say at first. He thinks it’s some form of forgiveness, him acknowledging his problem, until you follow up, “just admit it,” your voice changes in tone from anger and hurt to an icy one, “who do you love now, David?”

All while asking him that question, you’re trying to get his eyes to focus on you, but you simply cannot. He’s looking everywhere but, and it hurts.

“It’s Julia, isn’t it? Tell me!” You shout at his face. When he doesn’t answer immediately, your lips press down together and you don’t hold back the tears any longer, “I can’t believe you,” you say in disbelief, almost struggle to breathe right, “this shit has been keeping me up at night!”

You back away from him and cover your mouth, just to conceal your sobs so the rest of the family doesn’t hear you cry. They most definitely heard you yell, but you didn’t want to further trouble them anymore or cause a big enough scene for them to burst right through.

There hadn’t been a doubt in your mind that David loved you before, but just seeing how he couldn’t open up enough to tell you there was someone else during, filled you with more heartache. Maybe it would hurt less, you wouldn’t know unless it came straight from his mouth.

David starts crying as well and you honestly want to slap him, but instead you start saying nasty things, cutting him way worse than anything you could ever do physically, and you certainly don’t hold back. Claiming you two were never meant to be together, and the baby doesn’t mean anything especially in uniting you both.

“I’ll be surprised if this baby even survives,” you scoff thinking about a past experience, and how cruel life was gifting you this baby.

“What are you talking about? You’re not thinking about-“ David starts getting all frantic suddenly, and not thinking, he grabs both your arms in his hands, holding you in place.

“God no! I would never!” You say in disgust and pull away from him, “I can’t believe you’d think I would…”

“Then what did you mean?” He asks curiously.

“I never told you why I broke up with him,” you don’t really mention your ex’s name these days. While you’d both moved on as civil as the both of you could, it still pangs you to reminisce about the relationship and how it ended.

“He couldn’t handle the long distance,” he said thinking he knew.

“He only couldn’t after...” you pause, trying to decide if now was the time to reveal this secret. David had the right to know, after all, an incident like such could happen again.  

“After what? He was seeing someone else?” He grew increasingly anxious and almost ill towards the thought of another being unfaithful to you.

“No! It was my fault,” you don’t want to slander your ex at all. He couldn’t have prevented what happened to you across the other side of the world even if he tried. “I miscarried. I don’t know what I did wrong, but I woke up one day in my blood and the sharpest pain I’ve ever felt.”

You started reliving that day, how you were alone and the way your neighbors had to come to your aid. Your poor ex felt so helpless, he wanted nothing more than to drop everything for you, but the wave of depression afterwards had strained the relationship. It formally ended when you’d returned from studying abroad.

“I didn’t even know you were pregnant,” David says in shock. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling, and if it was stupid to think all this time you could’ve easily had a life without him long before you two finally became a thing.

“It didn’t matter, David,” your voice finally regained strength, and wiped at the tears on your face of the memory, ”you and Vicky were so in love. There’s nothing you could’ve done for me.”

“That’s not true,” David persists.

“I would’ve turned you away, just like him,” you say so sure. David was your friend then, yes, but you didn’t need or owed him this before now.  

“You’re not going to lose this baby,” he promises.

“You don’t know that,” and you’re not trying to be a pessimist about this, you wanted this baby, but you were more than aware of the possibility it could happen again. Bad things just always seemed to be happening lately anyways.

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I’d protect you both with my last breath,” he vows, grabbing your hands, desperate to feel any part of you.

“I don’t need your protection, David,” your words continue to crush him, that was your subtle way of leaving him and he knew it, “I love you, David. I love you so much!” you say with plenty of emotion, and lightly squeeze his hands in yours, “...but you can’t even tell me who you love right now,” you point out, reluctantly removing your hands from his.

“You need to get help, David. If not for your family, me or the baby, please do it for yourself,” you say last, before placing a small kiss on his cheek.

“I’m going to get help...for you,” you hear David say determinedly just before you walk out of the room. It wasn’t all you wanted to hear, you wanted him to tell you he loved you back, but you wanted him to live easy once again even if that meant him not loving you.

You could manage on your own, and work something out when the baby arrives, but for now it was time for you to go home.

A/N: Nope. Sorry! Whenever Season 2 decides to come out, maybe we’ll get a happier David, so for now I don’t think I can let these two ride off into the sunset…but I can if you send 2020 off with giving this a like, reblog, comment or all of the above!

[laddieseddiemunster]

The Lost Boys x Insecure S/O

Just a reminder that you’re beautiful :)

Sorry for not posting for like a week! Ive been really busy :/

David

saying david is intimidating is an understatement. when the two of you locked eyes at the boardwalk he knew you were the one. he felt it in his non-beating heart that you were his mate. when he came up to you and attempted to win you over let’s just say it was a bit overwhelming. the leader of the feared biker gang on the boardwalk was talking to you. and not only talking, but even trying to give you a ride home. david noticed right away that you were a bit shy, but most girls are when they first meet him. david didn’t have to read your mind to know that you were a bit self conscious. the way your clothes practically covered your whole body along with your nervousness made him figure it out. no matter how hard you tried to hide it. he thought you were gorgeous but he could tell that you didn’t feel the same way about yourself.

when you two started dating the insecurities started to show more. you hated the way other girls would flirt with david even if he gave them no attention at all. they just looked so beautiful and confident. you couldn’t help but feel like he was out of your league. david was attractive and dangerous, while you were shy and innocent. david knew you didn’t like when other woman would flirt with him, but there wasn’t much he could do. usually he’d let the girls flirt with him and then he’d lead them to the cave and eat them, but he was in a relationship now and he cared deeply about it. all he could do is just ignore them, and kindly show them that he’s taken. he’ll wrap his arm around you to pull you closer, and maybe even give you a kiss on your hand or cheek. if he’s really not in the mood to deal with other woman then he’ll give you a kiss on the neck.

when you drop the news that you’re a bit self conscious it didn’t surprise him. it was just a matter of time before you confirmed his theory. his reaction was pretty normal. he just nodded and treated you the same way he always did. david can sometimes be a little insecure himself. he hasn’t been able to see his reflection in decades, so he can’t tell if he’s good looking or not. unlike paul who doesn’t give a shit if he looks bad, david would actually prefer to know what he looks like. it’s hard for him to remember what exactly he used to look like before he turned. he won’t ever admit or tell you that he’s a little self conscious though. david isn’t one to give a lot of compliments, but he starts to give more when he finds out about your lack of self esteem. he loves it when you give him complements yet he won’t act like it. he’ll just nod and give a quick “thank you”, but in the inside he took that compliment to heart.

Dwayne

since dwayne is pretty quiet he knew he’d have to step out of his comfort zone in order to win you over. he could tell by the way you dressed and acted that you were a little on the less confident side. you didn’t walk like you were confident you walked as if you were hiding behind people. dwayne decided to make the first move when you walked into max’s video store. he gave you some recommendations and offered to get you something to eat. you blushed and gave him a quick nod and that’s where it all started. dwayne found your shyness adorable and it made him feel terrible that you thought so down upon yourself. he hates seeing you get all sad when another girl makes passes at him. he doesn’t want them. he wants you. only you. every time that happens he wraps his arms around you to show them that he has no interest in them, but the look in your eyes when it happens breaks his heart.

when you two are alone he’ll shower you with affection. he wants you to know that he thinks you’re beautiful, and no one else’s opinion matters. he’ll cuddle you and let you vent about anything you’d like and he’ll listen to everything you’re saying. dwayne won’t pressure you into changing your style. if you feel comfortable wearing clothes that cover you then he doesn’t mind. he wishes you loved your body, but he never wants to make you feel uncomfortable. dwayne will get rid of every magazine that has woman modeling in it, so you don’t compare yourself to them. (except paul’s playboys because he can’t get rid of those). he wants you to feel confident in your own skin and magazines aren’t going to help. he’s not a huge fan of pda, but if it makes you more comfortable than he’ll pull you close to let you know that he loves you.

dwayne insecurities rarely show, but they’re there. like david, dwayne wishes he could still have his reflection when he looks into a mirror. it’s a little depressing when he looks into a mirror and nothing looks back. he’s learned to stay away from mirrors as much as possible. so if neither of you like mirrors he’ll get rid of any that are in sight. dwayne is quiet but not because he’s insecure, he’s just a quiet person. he prefers to let the other boys do the talking. the only problem is sometimes he’s a little overlooked. girls sometimes don’t talk to him since he’s quiet, and they’ll talk to marko or paul instead. it rarely gets on his nerves, but sometimes he wishes paul wouldn’t steal all the woman. dwayne most likely won’t tell you about his insecurities. mainly because he likes to keep it to himself. he doesn’t want you to worry about him when you’re already down about yourself.

Paul

when paul sees something he wants, he’s going to get it. there’s no question about it. and the thing he wanted was you, and he wasn’t going to stop until he had you. paul approached you and started throwing out the list of pickup lines he always uses (clearly a majority of them are dirty) and he’d always chuckle at your reactions. the other guys didn’t understand why you accepted when he asked to take for a ride, but you did. that was the start of your relationship with paul. instead of killing you he thought you were adorable and decided to keep you. paul didn’t catch on to your low self esteem until you told him. when you did he was shocked. he doesn’t understand why you don’t find yourself beautiful while he finds you absolutely drop dead gorgeous. paul eventually put the pieces together and realized that it made sense. you wore clothes that covered your whole body, you were really shy, and you couldn’t stand going into clothing stores. now it all makes sense.

it hurts paul in the inside whenever he sees you look at the other girls on the boardwalk and frown. in his eyes you’re way more beautiful than the girls you wished you were. he just wished you could see what he sees. paul’s always gonna tell you that you’re beautiful no matter how many times you tell him to stop. the only time paul ever tried to change your wardrobe was the time he realized how insecure you actually were. you refused to me wear anything revealing claiming it’d make you uncomfortable. paul got a little disappointed, but for once he didn’t argue. he just nodded his head and didn’t ask again. he wished you changed your wardrobe so he could show everyone how beautiful you were, and that you were his and only his. if anyone pokes fun at you he won’t beat them up, but you just chose his dinner. and he will make them pay. (basically by torturing them to death and then he’ll eat them).

paul isn’t really insecure about his looks. he knows there is no point in worrying about how he looks when he can’t even see his reflection. as long as you find him attractive then he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. the only opinion that matters to him is yours everybody else can screw off. the only thing he’s a little self conscious about is his personality. sometimes he wonders if he talks too much, or if he’s just not fun to be around. he worry’s that you dont love him as much as he loves you. he’s pretty emotional sometimes and starts to overthink. he’s been broken hearted before, so he has a hard time with commitment. he also worries that he might not be good enough for you. even if you don’t think you’re beautiful he thinks you’re an angel, and he’s just a immature vampire that doesn’t deserve you. of course that’s not true, but sometimes paul needs some reassurance.

Marko

when marko spotted you on the boardwalk he knew you weren’t going to be a meal. he spotted you when he was out getting chinese food for the guys. you were by yourself sitting at one of the tables while he was in line, but you weren’t eating. instead of getting his food and leaving, he got the food and decided to sit himself right in front of you. who care if the other guys get hungry? not him. your cheeks turned red when you noticed he sat right in front of you. he introduced himself and asked what a pretty girl like you was doing alone in a chinese place. your cheeks flushed again from the complement and it didn’t go unnoticed. marko being marko pointed it out just to make you more nervous. when he finally got your name he offered to give you a ride home, and he was over the moon. on the inside. you were his mate and he knew it. marko didn’t realize how self conscious you were. he just thought you were shy.

your insecurities started to show quick. marko noticed a red flag when you refused to eat in a public place with him, or with him at all really. and he thought his eating style was weird. marko doesn’t care if you eat unhealthy, or if you’re vegan. the fact that you didn’t want to eat around him at all was concerning him. he couldn’t stop thinking about it, and eventually he asked you. you explained to marko that it wasn’t him, it was the fact that you were uncomfortable eating around other people. especially people you knew. marko understood right away that it was an insecurity. it also made sense since all you wore were clothes that’d cover your whole body. marko told you that he doesn’t think you’re overweight or underweight, he thinks you’re beautiful just the way you are. he knew that just saying that might not get you to open up right away, but he was willing to wait.

marko loves the way you look even if you hate it. he likes to talk to you about your insecurities, and he’ll just sit and listen. he doesn’t like to talk about his insecurities especially since there is no way to hide his. marko wishes he was a little bit taller and not known as “the little one”. he’s gotten used to the teasing from the other guys, but that doesn’t mean it’s going unnoticed. being the shortest in the gang isn’t easy for marko. knowing that some girls that are taller than him won’t always go for him bums him out. if you’re shorter than him then he’s getting rid of any shoes that have heels, so you can’t look taller. you basically have to reassure each other that you’re both perfect just the way you are. marko doesn’t get too many compliments, so if you give him one he’s taking it to heart. if anyone makes fun of you on the boardwalk they’re getting beat up. marko will have his fists ready. unless its a girl. then he’ll just kill her later.