#And like of course I Understand It because I hear the way Taylor talks about it and Sam has described it a bunch

[please-picturemeintheweeds]

.

[wordsarelife]

—i can fix him (no really i can)

pairing: jess mariano x fem!doose!reader

summary: jess got into another fight and you're about to clean his wounds, but he has other plans, tired of always answering your questions

warnings: kissing, making out, sexual remarks, allusions to sex

note: this was so fun to write and my first jess mariano fic, so please be gentle guys!!

“you never fail to amaze me, jess mariano“ you huffed, arms crossed as your eyes fell on the boy sitting on the curb in front of the supermarket. shadows were casted over his cheeks and he looked less than happy to see you.

"it isn't what it looks like" he muttered, trying to avert his gaze, although that was kind of hard, considering the outfit you were wearing.

your brushed your skirt to the side, before you sat down beside him. "well, it looks like you got beaten up"

"you should see the other guy" jess chuckled.

you sighed, not amused by the joke, as you softly touched his cheek.

"ow!" jess pulled his head back, trying to free it from your hands, but you were relentless, turning his chin in all possible directions to get a good look at his injuries.

"we're gonna have to clean them if you don't want them to get infected"

"i don't care about that" jess shrugged and took out a cigarette from a pocket of his jacket.

"yeah, i know tough guy". you quickly snatched the cigarette from his mouth before he was able to light it. "but i do"

"what the fuck, y/n?" jess exclaimed annoyed.

you left his words unanswered as you stood up from the cold concrete and held a hand in his direction to help him up. "come on, now. we're not dating, because i care so little about you, are we?"

jess rolled his eyes, before he followed you, of course ignoring your helping hand in the process.

you laughed at his tough act as he sent you a dark look, not finding anything about this remotely funny. he knew that this was one of your usual tactics to get him to talk. you would act understanding and worried about his injuries before he would be caught in a room alone with you, with no way to escape, having to explain every little detail about the fight.

well, tonight he decided, you were going to be caught in a room with him.

a smug smile slipped onto jess' features as he followed you up the stairs. you turned around and pushed a finger against your mouth, before you took out your keys and unlocked the door.

"grandpa is sleeping" you muttered, opening the door wide enough for jess to walk through, but not wide enough to reach the creaking sound.

jess and you had met the year before at the supermarket, where you had watched him buy a ridiculous amount of industrial glue, while he was busy watching rory and dean talk.

you had guessed that he had been doing that to bother them and while rory was a friend of yours, you had to admit that it had been a little funny.

unbeknownst to you, jess had forgotten everything about rory, once his eyes fell on you behind the counter.

"are you working on the worlds longest scrapbook or are you just very passionate about glue?"

"huh?" jess had been so stunned by what you said that he lost his usual cool demeanor and found himself at a temporary loss for words. he couldn't remember a situation in which he had not been able to reply with a witty joke.

"want me to repeat that?" you asked amused as you pulled the last bottle of glue over the scanner.

"no-uh" he shook his head "i'm jess, luke's nephew"

"oh" you smiled, a sign of recognition in your eyes "that's you!"

"and you are?" he held the ten dollar note in your direction.

you took the money, taking out his change in the process. "i'm y/n, taylor doose's—"

you were interrupted when the aforementioned man stepped next to you, a frown on his face at the sight of jess. "i'm her grandfather" he finished for you. "and you're gonna stay far away from her, you hear me, mariano?" he pressed.

"grandpa!" you scolded and jess was surprised at the sudden shame that entered taylor doose's face. it seemed like he really gave a damn about your opinion, unlike he did with anyone else in this town.

"well, i'm gonna check on miss patty and her plums" taylor excused quickly and walked away, before you could question him further.

"please don't mind him" you told jess, amusement evident on your lips "i just got back and he's been a little on edge without me here"

"where have you been?" jess asked, intrigued to hear more about the mysterious and pretty girl in front of him.

"my dad's" you replied with an uneasy smile. he recognized the expression on your face, had he always worn it himself when someone had asked him about his parents.

he decided not to stir the pot any more. "well, i'll see you around, doose" jess said, took his glue and left you standing with only a faint goodbye from your lips.

jess' hands went to squeeze your waist, as you closed the door.

you were luckily able to suppress any sound at the sudden touch and you could jess' smirk in your neck.

"very funny, mariano" you whispered, freeing yourself from his grip and turning around to let him see the annoyed expression on your face.

his eyes glistened with happiness in the dark of the hallway, before his hand went behind your back, bringing you closer to him. "why don't we go to your room?" he whispered.

you had to admit that for a short, misguided, second the sweetness of his words was not far away from undermining you.

you shook your head, snapping out of whatever had gone through your head at his tempting suggestion. "nice try" you smiled sarcastically and jess sighed, letting go of you and following behind you to the bathroom.

jess was no stranger to your rejection, especially when your grandfather was home, but he was not finished trying to (respectfully) lead you into temptation.

"there are two options how we can do this" you spoke, your voice in a normal volume as soon as jess had closed the door.

before you could explain his options, he interrupted you, the smirk now basically right in your face when you turned up the light and looked at him. "want me to lock the door?"

"no" you dragged. "you know why? because we are not doing anything forbidden"

"forbidden, huh?" jess smiled "kinda like the sound of that"

"this is not a rom-com"

"oh no" jess shook his head, wearing a faked stoic expression "of course not. just two people doing non-forbidden things in the bathroom" he shrugged.

"it sounds wrong when you say it like that"

"what does it sound like?" he stepped closer to you, ready to touch your lips with his, as his eyes fell close, but you were quicker, swerving around him, before he was able to even touch you.

"nah-ah!" you scolded.

"what?" jess turned around, now crossing his arms like you had done earlier "i'm just trying to kiss my girlfriend"

"not happening" you shrugged. "so, as i was trying to tell you before: you have two options: first, the easy one: let me fix your face and we're done in no time"

"or?" he furrowed his brows, leaning against the wall.

"or" you repeated "the hard one" jess' smile got impossibly bigger and you rolled your eyes "ew, not like you think"

"fine" he sighed. "the easy one i guess, no need to tell me about your torture method"

"it's not a torture method, but thanks for thinking so poorly of me" you muttered, before you opened the drawer under the sink, taking out the first aid kink.

you climbed on top of the counter and motioned for jess to come closer and stand in between your legs.

"well, this is kind of suggestive, don't you think?" he pinched your waist. you just shook your head, taking his hand and laying it on top of your knee instead.

"keep your hands there, mister" you directed, before you grabbed a wet cotton pad and pushed up his chin, so you could gently take the unnecessary blood off his face. "for your own good, i hope that the other started throwing punches"

"of course" jess nodded, overly dutiful, before he hissed in pain as the cotton pad touched one of the scars on his nose.

"you should've thought about that before you got into an unnecessary fight, you know?" you commented, switching out the pad, before you continued cleaning the other side of his face.

"yeah, yeah" he averted his eyes, his gaze falling onto the hem of your skirt, his fingers were laying on top of. he softly raised the fabric, pushing his hands to rest on your bare thigh.

"jess" you sighed in a warning tone.

"what? it's itchy"

"it isn't" you rolled your eyes, but didn't discuss the topic further as you threw away the pad.

you tried reaching behind you to grab one of the plasters from the first aid kit, but jess was quicker, snatching the box away from you and holding it behind his back with one hand.

"wha—"

"give me a kiss first" he prompted, smirking.

"jess" you whined, not amused at his antics.

"just one kiss, come on babe"

you reluctantly nodded. jess stepped closer, taking your chin into his hand and pulling your face closer so your lips could meet his.

his lips were warm and firm against yours, his teasing grin fading as the kiss deepened. what was meant to be a quick peck quickly turned into something more. his hand, which had been holding the first aid kit out of reach, dropped it to the floor as he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you closer.

you could feel the intensity growing between you two, the playful resistance dissolving into a surge of unexpected desire.

jess' other hand moved to the small of your back, guiding you even closer as the kiss became more urgent, more consuming.

when you finally broke apart, breathless and flushed, he looked at you with a glint in his eye. "was that so hard?" he teased, his voice a little huskier than before.

"oh, shut up" you muttered, flustered and lips swollen as a cause of the intensity of the kiss. you gently shoved his face back. "now pick up the first aid kit you dropped"

"yes, ma'am"

you shook your head, laughing to yourself as you watched him reach for the box on the ground behind him. it had clattered open, revealing it's contents to the ground beneath it.

he threw everything back in the box before he picked it up and came back to the counter to stand in front of you.

you took a few plasters, opening them up to stick them to the cuts on his face. "you look cute" you commented as soon as you were finished.

"i'm not cute" jess exclaimed with a stoic expression.

"you're always cute" you shrugged, now being the one to take his chin into your hands. "especially when you tell me who you fought—"

he didn't even let you finish the sentence, before he pushed his lips against yours once more. even tough it was a clear tactic to avoid your questioning, you didn't mind it this time (not that you did before, but you had to at least act like it) pulling him closer by the neck and deepening the kiss.

jess moaned into your mouth, and your lips broke into a smile. his hands were now inching closer up your thighs and a soft laugh broke from your lips when you had to catch your breath.

"let's go to your room" jess muttered, lips skipping over your neck.

"grandpa is home" you reminded.

"grandpa is asleep" he pointed out, brows moving up and down suggestively.

"jess" you giggled, as he grabbed your waist, setting you down on the floor and taking your hand to leave the bathroom, before even waiting for an answer.

well, you weren't open to any more protests then, as he took you up to your room. the only thought in your head was to stay quiet.

opposite to the rest of the night, the next morning was straight hellfire, as neither you or jess had taken the time to set an alarm.

so taylor doose entered your room without the slightest thought and watched in horror as a half-naked jess mariano climbed out of your bedroom window and fell rather awkwardly on the ground in front of it. probably right into your grandpa's rose bushes.

"i think i might be having a heart attack"

[strrykais]

dress

idol : lee jeno // nct dream song : dress - taylor swift warnings : smut word count : 823

jeno wasnt really paying attention to whatever mark and renjun were chatting about. he kept looking around the room for you. he wanted to see you so he could congratulate you on winning your first award for best female actress. though he wasn't exactly happy that you were acting with mark and not him.

jeno has always been your biggest fan, you both have known each other for a while since you were both small supporting cast. jeno always had this tiny crush on you but he didn't want to do anything, he was mostly scared you would reject him. you were so out of his league.

jeno could hear you before he could spot you, your laugh was always like honey to his ears. jeno felt someone put a hand onto his shoulder. turning he spotted you, looking so beautiful in the black gown that hugged your pretty body. jeno couldn't help but stare at your leg that was showing through the slit.

"hey guys." you smiled at his friends turning to look at him. "hi jeno."

hearing his name fall from your lips made his breath hitch in his throat. time seems to always stop whenever you speak to him, or it always sped up because before he knew it yalls conversation would be over.

"hey, congratulations on winning. you deserved it." jeno couldn't help but stare down at your cleavage, the dress wasn't helping with the way they were basically asking him to look. "a-also you look really beautiful in this dress."

you smirk leaning into his ear, "i bought it for you." jeno freezes, no way he heard that right.

"what?" you smile bidding goodbye to the people around you who aren't really paying attention to what you both are talking about.

jeno watches you as you walk away from him, jeno understands the look you give him over your shoulder. saying a quick goodbye to his friends, he follows wherever you are leading him.

jeno lost you when you rounded the corner, but quickly found himself being pulled into a small jacket closet.

"hi." you say body pressed up to him. jeno could not breathe. he never has been this close to you. your perfume was starting to mess with his head, as he looked down at you.

jeno could not wait anymore, lips quickly pressed into yours. he figured you were okay with it as you wrap your hands around his neck.

you let out a little moan when your back hits a wall towards the end of the rack. jeno quickly uses this time to wrap your exposed leg around his waist. your dress hiking up exposing the cool air against your soak panties.

"please jeno." you moan out as he kisses down your jaw and neck.

"please what baby?" he groans as he presses himself into you trying to relieve the tightness in his slack. jeno was on cloud 9, he felt like he was dreaming. jeno knew what you wanted. but when was he gonna get the chance to get you to beg again.

"touch me please touch me."

"of course, anything you wish. it is your night after all." jeno says sucking on the skin around your collarbone. his hand sliding up your leg so slow causing you to whine out. "shh, i promise ill make you feel so good with just my fingers." he gently pecks your lips.

jeno gently rubs down your panties, making you moan pushing towards his hand. jeno chuckles out, kissing underneath your ear. jeno quickly puts his hand underneath your panties rubbing on your bundle of nerves. 

you couldn’t help moan out loudly, eyes screwed shut as he continued to play with your pussy. without warning inserting a finger, curling against your walls. jeno was enjoying the way your body was reacting to him. he was almost encouraging your loud moans, going faster adding another finger just to get you screaming his name. whatever it took he would get you to scream it.

“jeno, i'm gonna cum.” your breathy voice comes out as you squeeze his shoulders, as a way to ground yourself. you couldn’t help the way your hips were grinding up against his palm to reach your climax.

“cum baby, i wanna feel you make a mess on my fingers.” he says, placing a kiss onto your temple. jeno could feel you before you even made a sound. you were gripping his fingers so tight as he continued to pump his fingers helping you ride your high. 

jeno was just watching the way your chest was rising and falling, your eyes closed, mouth hung open. he didn't even realize he was sticking his fingers with your cum straight into your mouth, until you wrapped your pretty mouth them.

“fuck i need to get you home, so i can really take this dress off.” jeno says giving you kiss, quickly pulling you out of the closet.

1k extravaganza

ⓒstrrykais

[alotofpockets]

Rough shift | Caitlin Foord x Doctor!Reader

Where Caitlin comforts you after you lose one of your patients

Warnings: surgery, blood, cpr, patient death

Woso masterlist | Words: 2.5k

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“Good morning, how is my favourite little Champ doing?” You ask as you walk into Maya’s hospital room, followed by four of your interns. “I’m doing good.” She answered, but the smile didn’t fully reach her eyes, a tell tale that she wasn’t telling the truth.

You had met Maya last year, when you moved back home to work at the hospital you worked at before. It had been hard leaving London, moving away from your girlfriend and your friends, but there was a shortage of pediatric surgeons at your former place of employment, and they reached out to you. You talked about it a lot with your girlfriend, Caitlin, who was very understanding of why you felt like you needed to go.

The two of you have been doing long distance for the duration of it. While it was hard at times, the two of you made it work. You were already excited to see her later today, since she and the rest of the Matilda’s would be arriving for their training camp.

Maya had been one of your first patients when you got back. She had been in for many surgeries before you had met her, and have been there for plenty after. She was a tough kid, that besides all of the medical treatment remained positive. 

“Alright,” You continued, ignoring the fact that she lied about her well-being. She was here for another surgery because her bowels were acting up again. Sadly no one had been able to find a permanent solution for her illness yet, and repeated surgeries were only short term solutions. “Doctor Taylor, can you present, please?” 

He stepped up with Maya’s chart, and started presenting her case. “Thank you Doctor Taylor.” You said after he perfectly shared all the necessary information. To teach the interns, you asked them a couple questions about the surgery, and made sure that they answered in a kid friendly way to make Maya feel at ease.

“Do you have any more questions for us, Maya?” You turned to the young girl on the bed. “Will you be there when I wake up?” Her eyes filled with hope, “Of course, I always am.” And you had. After every surgery you had been with her in the recovery room, always making sure to give your patients that extra bit of comfort that they needed. 

While your interns walk out of the room, you take a moment to speak to Maya’s parents. While they were used to the surgeries by now, every parent was nervous about their child getting operated on. Surgery on the bowels was always risky.

“How long do you think this fix will last?” You felt for Maya and the family and were gutted for them that there still wasn't a permanent fix. “Our best hope is another few months.” They knew that was the answer they were going to get, yet they still hoped that this time would be different. 

When you walked back into the hall you overheard Taylor brag about being the best in their class, and not needing the hours on peds because he won’t be choosing that specialty anyways. You listen for a bit longer and cannot believe the words you hear coming out of his mouth.

“Why do we keep going with these hopeless cases? It’s not like she’s ever going to get better. We’re just delaying the inevitable.” His words hit you like a punch in the gut, but you quickly gather yourself and step forwards. “Doctor Taylor,” The sharpness of your voice quickly grabbed the attention from everyone around you. “With me, now. All of you.”

You didn’t say a word until you had all of them in an empty hospital room. “These aren’t just cases, they are human lives; children’s lives. You are talking about Maya as if she’s some sort of lost cause, but she’s not. We are giving these kids the best care possible. We are keeping them alive, for when there is a permanent cure.”

Taylor opens his mouth to respond, but you aren't done yet. “If you cannot handle treating every patient with respect, you have no business being in this field. You are off this case, go find the Chief and see if she is willing to put you on a different case today.” He walks off with the whisper of a “Sorry.”

“As for the rest of you, I want to make it very clear that this is not how we talk about patients, especially not on the floor where everyone can hear you. If one of your peers does this, I want you to take the responsibility to tell them off. Do you understand?”

They all nod in understanding. “Good, now that we have that out of the way. Anderson, please get all the tests to the lab and page me when you’ve got the results. The rest of you with me to continue our rounds.

It was your job to make these interns good doctors. You hated having to kick them off cases, but if they treated patients like this, there had to be consequences.

The rest of the rounds went smoothly, and just as you got done with the last patient, Anderson paged you that the results were ready.

“How are we looking, Anderson?” He handed you the tablet, “Looks good. All her test results come back to the right levels.” You look over the results yourself to verify and agree with his conclusion. “Alright, prep Maya, and let me know when she's ready to go to the OR.”

“I'm here!” You announce before bending down and putting your hands on your knees, pretending to be out of breath. “Did I make it? Am I still on time?” 

Maya's giggles filled the room, the reason you loved to joke around like this. Kids deserve to feel comfortable and at ease in a place that is filled with unknowns. 

“We can't start without you, silly.” The girl laughs. “Oh, you're right, silly me!” You wipe the non-existent sweat off your forehead. “Alright Champ, are you ready?” She nodded and reached out her hand for you to hold, like you had done for the last couple of surgeries. 

You hold her hand until you arrive in the OR. “Alright Champ, hop on over.” The girl expertly switched onto the surgical bed. “What flavour popsicle will it be this time?” She puts her hand to her chin, “Strawberry!” You had expected no other flavour, as it was her favourite. You grab your phone and start typing. “Alright, I've let the chef know your order. It will be served when you're ready.”

Once Maya was under anaesthesia, you left the room to scrub. You learned that kids often found comfort in seeing someone they knew, you, for as long as possible. When you got back into the OR you were gowned and gloved, before you went to work.

The three interns still on the case were allowed to observe in the OR. You remembered what residency was like for you, and wanted to make sure that they got as many opportunities as possible in an OR, before they got their first operation.

Everything went smoothly, until it didn’t. 

Seemingly out of nowhere her lower abdomen filled with blood. “I need suction.” You instructed and were instantly handed the device. It was pooling in her abdomen fast that you could clear it. You handed the suction device to Doctor Jackson, who was on the other side of the table. “Lap pads, please, and keep them coming.”

Lap pad after lap pad was thrown in the little bin beside you, but the blood didn’t seem to lessen. “Doctor Smith, what’s her pressure?” You needed one of the interns to read the board, since you were both too occupied with trying to stop the bleeding. “BP is 60 over 40 and falling.” 

You cursed under your breath, while desperately trying to find the source of the bleeding. “Clamp.” The tool was in your hand mere seconds later. You tried to clamp off the vessel, but despite your best efforts, the bleeding didn’t slow down.

“She’s crashing.” The anesthesiologist warned. “Not on my watch. Doctor Anderson, take over suction. We’re going to transfuse.” Doctor Jackson handed over the suction, and got ready to set up a transfusion.

“BP is 50 over 30.” Doctor Smith announced. “Hang in there Maya.” You willed her to fight. But the blood was still not slowing down and her pressure was dropping rapidly. 

“We’re losing her.” The anesthesiologist said with worry in his voice. “We are not giving up. Get the crash cart ready.” You took a deep breath and got ready to start CPR. 

The room full of doctors watched in silence as you continued compressions on the tiny body that laid on the table. “Come on, Maya.” Your voice barely above a whisper.

You don’t know how long you had been going, but your arms were starting to get tired. Doctor Jackson put his hand on your shoulder, “It’s time.” You shook your head, “No, she’s just a kid.”

His hand stayed on your shoulder, “You did everything you could. It’s time to let her go.” You slowly stopped compressions and looked down at her still body. Tears blurred your vision as you realised she was gone. 

“Time of death,” You started but weren’t allowed to finish the sentence. “11:16” Doctor Smith filled in. You stepped back and ripped your bloodstained gown and gloves off, and threw them onto the ground in frustration. 

You took a moment to gather yourself. You had to inform her family, and you needed to be strong for them. 

The moment you walked into the waiting room, Maya’s parents stood up. “No.” Maya’s mom said as all hope left her face. “No, my baby.” She could tell from your expression that the news wasn’t good, like it had been previous times. “I’m so sorry,” your voice broke. “We did everything we could, but Maya didn’t make it.”

You stood by as they fell into each other’s arms with tears streaming down their faces. They knew every surgery was a risk, but losing their little girl was something no parent was prepared for. “What happened?” Her dad asks.

“She lost too much blood. I- we tried everything to stop it, but we weren’t able to.” He nodded, still in disbelief. “Alright, thank you.” He got out before letting out another sob. Your heart broke even further. “If you want, you can see her for a bit. Would you like me to take you to her?” 

You walked them to the room and let them have a private moment with their daughter. Once you stepped outside, you got a page and headed to reception where you were asked for assistance. 

In a blur you walked down the hall and rode down in the elevator. It wasn’t until you laid your eyes on Caitlin that your vision got a bit more clear. You make your way over to her, and fall into her arms without saying another word. With her comforting arms around you, you couldn’t hold back any longer. The tears started streaming down your face, and Caitlin had to hold you tight, to keep you up right. 

“Oh, my love, what’s wrong?” She shared a worried look with her best friends Mackenzie and Alanna, who you hadn’t even realised were there too. “Can we go somewhere more private?” She asked softly. You nodded and took her hand. That’s when you realised the other girls. “Oh hi, I’m sorry. You guys can come too.” 

You walked the trio into your office and pulled Caitlin down onto the couch, to fall into her hold again. “I lost her, Cait. I lost Maya, she didn’t make it.” The room went silent. Caitlin held you while you sobbed. 

After a while you had no more tears left. “I’m sorry, you guys were here for a fun time, and now you’re stuck with me being emotional.” Alanna is quick to shake her head, “Don’t apologise, we’re all here for you.” Mackenzie agreed, “Yeah, if there is anything we can do for you, please let us know.” 

“You should drink some water, love.” Caitlin suggested and pointed out the water pitcher to Alanna. You did as you were told, and sipped on the water that Alanna handed you. 

“Macca, could you do something for me?” She nodded instantly, “Of course, anything.” You had thought back of the last conversation you had with Maya. “Could you go down to the cafeteria and get some strawberry popsicles?” The request seemed odd to her, but she asked no questions.

Not long after she got back with four strawberry popsicles. “They were her favourite, we were going to have some when we were in the recovery room.” You put your head back on Caitlin’s shoulder. “This one’s for you Maya.”

You sit with the girls for a while longer. Maya had been your only surgery for the day, as you had taken the rest of the day off to be with Caitlin. When you feel strong enough to get up, you ask them to meet you down in the lobby, since you wanted to check on Maya’s parents before you left.

Her parents just walked out of Maya’s room when you walked onto the floor. You weren’t sure what to say except sorry, which you did again. What happened next surprised you. Her mom hugged you. “Thank you for giving us more time with our girl than we ever thought we’d have.” Every surgery had given her a couple of months longer to live, yet you had hoped you’d be able to keep her alive until a permanent solution was found, they made you realise that keeping her alive this long was a miracle already. 

Maya’s dad gave you a firm handshake. “While now is a dark moment for us all, we want you to know that we know you have given your best to our Maya, and for that we will forever be grateful.”

“Maya was an incredible young girl. While the circumstances of us meeting were never positive, I am honoured that I was allowed to know her. If there is ever anything I can do for you and your family, please don’t be afraid to reach out.”

You made your way downstairs again, where Caitlin met you at the bottom of the stairs. Her arm wrapped around your shoulder, as she walked you out of the hospital. “I sent the girls to get us some food, they’ll meet us at home.” 

You didn’t care for the food, but you were glad to be surrounded by your loved ones. All plans you previously had for the day were wiped off without having to communicate your needs. The couch is where you spend the rest of the day. A movie was playing on the tv, but you had fallen asleep in Caitlin’s comforting arms a long time ago.

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[stylesluxx]

all of the girls you loved before – a. hotchner

[warnings: none]

summary: in which y/n is grateful for aaron's experiences – inspired by all of the girls you loved before by taylor swift

word count: 773

main masterlist

You've heard the stories before, the whispered mentions of the women that had come before you. Each one left a mark on him, a trace you sometimes wondered if you could see in the way he moved, the way he held you when you felt his steady hands against your back. Aaron Hotchner didn't often talk about them, but in the quiet moments, their presence lingered like a ghost in the room, a history you couldn't touch but could feel.

It wasn't jealousy, exactly. It was more the weight of knowing you weren't his first love, that he had lived entire lifetimes before you. Maybe you'd catch him staring off into the distance, his jaw tight as memories flickered across his face. You never pried, though the questions sometimes bubbled at the back of your throat. He would have told you if he wanted to, you reminded yourself.

But tonight was different. Tonight, something between you shifted.

You were sitting together on the porch, the soft hum of autumn night air around you, the distant sounds of traffic on the street below a low murmur. The team was away on a case, but for once, he wasn't. He had stayed behind, citing exhaustion, though you knew it wasn't just about fatigue. He needed time. Space. And you were here for him, silently offering the support he rarely let himself ask for.

Aaron sipped his drink, his fingers grazing the glass as he looked out into the darkened sky. You followed his gaze, wondering where his mind had drifted this time. His silence wasn't unusual, but there was a tension tonight that made the air between you feel thicker than usual. Finally, he spoke, his voice soft, like he wasn't sure he was ready for the words.

"I don't think I've ever told you about Haley."

His ex-wife. You'd heard her name before, of course, but he rarely mentioned her. Even now, years after her death, the grief still hung in his eyes when he did. You turned slightly, giving him your full attention, heart tightening as you prepared yourself for whatever he needed to say.

"She was... everything to me. For a long time." He let out a breath, his thumb tracing the rim of his glass. "And when I lost her, I didn't think I could feel that way again. About anyone."

You didn't speak, just listened, knowing this wasn't something you could fix. This was something he had to let out, piece by piece.

"I wasn't looking for this, for us." His eyes met yours, and for a moment, the world stopped turning. "But somehow, you're here."

He shifted, setting his drink aside and taking your hand in his. His fingers were warm against yours, grounding you as his gaze softened, the weight of years of pain and love swirling in his eyes.

"I used to think the past would always have this hold on me, that I'd never be able to let go of all the girls I loved before. But then I realized... they led me here. To you."

Your breath caught, the weight of his words pressing into your chest. You didn't need him to explain further. You knew what he meant—that every love, every loss, every heartbreak had shaped him into the man sitting beside you. And somehow, through all of it, he had found his way to you.

He squeezed your hand, a silent reassurance that he was here, with you, now.

"I don't regret any of it," he continued, his voice quieter now. "Because without it, I wouldn't have you. And that's something I wouldn't trade for anything."

The tears welled in your eyes before you could stop them, the emotion of his confession wrapping around your heart. You'd always known there was a part of him that would forever belong to the past, to Haley, to the life he had before. But now, hearing him say it, you realized it wasn't about competing with those memories. It was about understanding that you were part of his story now, a chapter he hadn't expected but cherished all the same.

You leaned in, resting your head on his shoulder as he pulled you closer, the unspoken understanding settling between you. There was no need for more words, not tonight. You both knew that love wasn't about erasing the past—it was about accepting it, embracing it, and realizing that every step along the way had led to this moment.

And in that moment, you realized something too.

You were glad for all the girls he loved before, because without them, without everything he had been through, you might never have found your way to him.

And now that you had, you weren't going to let go.

[AN: oh hey... I think I'm going to do febuwhump to get out of my writing slump. I'll keep you guys updated. I also have a ko-fi account now??? no pressure but it's link in my navigation and here! and of course... my taglist. lmk your thoughts. love you byeee]

[nicohii]

fortnight.

Pairing: Bokuto Koutarou x Reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt to Comfort, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers (as usual)

Summary: you love him, it's ruining your life. inspired by taylor swift's fortnight.

Sometimes you think to yourself how you caused your own misery. It's not like anybody forced you to come clean with your feelings with him. And it's not his responsibility to return your feelings either. You promised yourself you'll tell him and deal with the consequences maturely - that went well- because now you can't even be in the same room as him. Trying to escape the corridors the moment you see a flash of white hair.

What can you do? There's still a sliver of pride in you that doesn't want to show him how fucking miserable you are in the aftermath because god knows he'll feel so bad about it and that in turn will be another weight in your chest.

Your phone buzzes against the lacquered wood. Vibrations echoing against the smooth surface, flashing a familiar number that you practically memorized by heart already, yet had not called for a while. You let the call die out on its own not bothering to pick up.

Ever since that honest, rejection, per se, a rift started to form, try as you might not to. It's your fault and you know it, but you want all your feelings to at least settle down before properly facing him again. Damn, you fucking loved that dude since you can remember, why couldn't you just have swallowed it down.

"I'm really sorry. I think... I just don't see us being more than the best of friends, you know? "

The way he said it didn't help too. His golden eyes were actually pleading, like he didn't want to even say what he said. His breathing uneven. His hands, as big as they were, fidgeting. He has that look on his face like he wants to take back all he said just because of the look on your face. So you put on your face together in a way that will make him at ease. Make him believe that it's fine (it fucking hurts a lot). And you pat his back (it stings).

"I understand, we'll always be the best of friends."

---------------------------------------------------

Life goes on after that. A few years maybe. Some friends go on to other countries, some friends go back to rest roots and settle. He goes on to compete in a few Olympic games and international competitions.

He still calls from time to time, tells you how he's doing. You see some tabloid news about him, different models. They look good together. He looks better. He's an Olympian, of course he does.

You realized that in the moments that everyone had been moving on, you're stuck. Spending the years being faithful even if there is nothing promised, following Koutarou's footsteps, that you have dedicated everything for him; that you have forgotten what it's like to live not for him.

That plans for Koutarou aside, you don't have a single plan for yourself. In a desperate cry in a temple on a quiet holiday, begging for a sign, bargaining, and promising to listen (as if that rejection wasn't a clear message enough back when you were in high school); a call for a work overseas arrives. You take it without any hesitation. Taking the earliest flight, taking whatever life you have left here, very few shreds of dignity, and a somehow healing heart.

---------------------------------------------------

He still reaches out, small talks, asking how you have been. You learn how to forget replying. It's work, it's the time zone. Little by little. Maybe life isn't all about him.

You still see news, less tabloids and papparazzi shots, and just more on campaigns and game updates. Tetsuro and Akaashi rarely mention him too aside from necessary.

In the rare days where he managed to catch you online, and you respond, he mentions the idea of a visit when you mention having no time to go home. It has been a long time.

"Maybe I can go see you? "

You're far too busy to hear any undertones than the usual him. Innocent Kou, you muse, and rest assured that whatever you might respond will just be taken as it is and no hard feelings.

"I'm not sure Kou. Depends on the schedule. I may not be here always."

(You're on remote work and flexitime but he didn't need to know that)

It's a decline he knows. Sucks really, he was hoping you'd say yes. You usually say yes.

What happened to 'You're always have a home here' ?

What happened to 'You're always welcome here'?

Sometimes, in the days when he feels a little bit to much, overstimulated and tired of the life of fame he has chosen, his mind automatically thinks of you. Phone involuntarily in hand and scrolling to a familiar number. Tries to call it (even if overseas call cost a lot, and that's fine he can pay) but feel a pang of something unexplained when the call is not picked up.

"Oh yeah, yeah I get it. It's fine you must be busy."

He tries to counter himself. Bullshit, he can book a tour if you were busy, you can go to work, and he'll wait for you to get home, nothing wrong with that.

You tells him you need to go. That you can continue to catch up soon. But you both know if he doesn't start, nowadays, you never do.

Maybe that's what distance does, he thinks.

Maybe that's what trying to get away from the masochistic tendencies for him meant, you think.

---------------------------------------------------

It's the off season months. News of MSBY players not renewing their contracts has been dominating the news. Hinata Shoyo opts to play for Brazil. Sakusa opts to sign with Italia. No news of other starting players -- and Bokuto is still at a cross roads. He has a few options-- to renew of course, a position with another European team (Italy with Kageyama and Sakusa; Poland with Ushijima) , and an offer from a country where you, but you don't need to know that too. No one does.

He remembers asking his sister. If she has been in contact with you. Apparently she does. He is not that dumb to not be able to put two and two together.

"Maybe she's making her own peace, you know?" She lightly says.

Still, he stares at their conversations, not really as long as they were before, only sometimes when you wished him luck. Other than that, it's like... What? One sentence answers before you say good bye for work?

He wants to feel betrayed and mad. Was it really that unforgiveable not being able to reciprocate to be punished like this? But is he really the only reason? People just drift apart, he guesses.

"I just thought it would be a better closure than this. Like I'm not some dude you just cut off that easily, because we're different", he types one day, out of frustration when he saw Akaashi's phone screen notify of a familiar number.

He deletes the message on his own phone before he even has the balls to send it.

---------------------------------------------------

Life is better. You tried to bargain, got what you wanted and you're doing better. Walking alone with zero thoughts but dinner is refreshing. How long was it? You hate to admit it, but, you're starting to forget his face now or at least the little details of it. You can't forget that day of course, but it doesn't really hurt like before. You've learned to forgive, you love him of course, you never won't, but you've also made peace with it. You're here if he needs you, he's there when you do, you'll stay whatever he wants to be and life will be life.

You spoke to soon apparently.

Because the oxygen feels a little too scarce, your chest banging when you see a familiar mountaineering backpack and tufts of hair facing away from you and checking back and forth on what seems to be an address from his phone. He's bouncing on the balls of his feet in front of your apartment door. He's bigger; still has his passport on his hands.

He just got here. That's obvious.

"Kou? " You softly call and he turns around. Eyes wide, and you hug your groceries tighter, gripping your keys tighter. He's here. You want to deny it but the swelling in your chest becomes obvious. You miss him. A lot. So much.

"Hi." Is what he only says before pocketing his passport in a desperate attempt to move because your eyes are freezing him. Maybe he shouldn't be here. Maybe he should have called first.

"I just.. I was just passing b- I really didn't think... I... Japan has really been overwhelming."

There is a sound of defeat and sadness in his voice and you feels sorry for him. But how about you? He overwhelms you but at the same time, you know that deep down you would have done the same. You place your groceries down the hall and open your arms to him, he looks like he's about to cry, the wetness in his eyes are obvious as he goes to you, trying to tuck himself in you. You feel wetness in the sides of your neck and a sniffle. He almost squeezes the life out of you, breathing you in. There's a lot of things he wants to say but all that comes out are hiccups muffled by the collars of your shirt. He feels you hug him back tighter, trying to soothe his back and rocking him back side to side.

It goes on for a couple more minutes before he subsides, but he doesn't budge. You gently pry him off of you, his face in both of your hands, his eyes red, puffy and tired looking at you tenderly,

"I get it. Come on in. "

[catherinnn]

But Daddy I Love Him!!!

Eddie Munson x cheerleader!reader based on "But Daddy I Love Him" by Taylor Swift. words: around 2k warnings: angst if you squint, fluff!!! so many taylor swift references, overprotective parents, no use of y/n, happy ending.

masterlist

You knew that once you made your relationship with Eddie Munson public people would lose it. That’s why you’ve been postposing it until you were both really sure about this. But it’s been six months already, and they have been the best six months of your entire life.

Never has any other boy made you feel this way, so comfortable, so confident, so in love.  He was chaos and revelry in the best was possible, not like these other boys your parents had set you up with over the last years, just because they’re friends with their parents. He was the complete opposite of those boring boys, he had long and messy hair that you love playing with; he dresses in total black with ripped jeans, leather jackets and shirts with monsters painted on them; he’s loud and fun and hilarious; he’s so pretty and so hot at the same time.

There is no doubt of the way he makes you feel and you’re tired of hiding it. So yes, you knew it was going to be controversial walking in hand by hand, letting him hug you from behind whispering sweet nothings in your ear while you grab your things from your locker and kissing him goodbye before separating to each’s classes for the whole school to see. But you weren’t expecting World War Three.

“There you are, pretty girl” he greets you again at lunch.

“Hey you” you greet him back and go to kiss him, wrapped up in your own world when you’re interrupted by a fellow cheerleader behind you.

“Stay away from her!” Sarah protested. You both look at her in shock.

“What?” Eddie asks confused.

“Whatever it is that you’re doing to her, stop it!” she demands angrily, it’s kind of funny.

“Sarah, what do you mean?” you can’t contain the chuckle that escapes mid-sentence.

“What’s going on?!” she asks in complete confusion.

“He’s my boyfriend, he’s not doing anything wrong to me” you explain to her—actually, to the whole cafeteria who’s just as confused and angry as Sarah is.

“What do you mean your boyfriend? Honey, he’s…” she doesn’t finish the sentence, shooting you a look that speaks volumes, her eyes widen and her eyebrows as if saying You know exactly what he is.

Eddie starts giggling but hides his face in your shoulder trying to act modest. You fail to hide you smirk.

“He’s my boyfriend and I love him. I don’t really see the issue here” you put an end to the conversation and walk to his table where he starts introducing you to his friends.

“What a mess” Hannah whispers to Sarah while playing with her pearl necklace.

However, the real problem started when you got home, one that could not be ignored by just laughing about it.

Sarah and Hannah had talked to your parents about Eddie and you. And your dad did not like those news at all.

“You can’t see him anymore, this nonsense stops right now” he demands.

“But daddy, I love him!” you scream.

“Love? You can’t love someone like him. You’re acting crazy, come to your senses and don’t be a fool!”

“No, I’m not coming to my senses. Please, you don’t understand! Just try to get to know him at least!”

“For the love of God, he is crazy! Don’t you see it?” he exclaims

“But he’s the one I want” you cry.

“No! Go up to your room now, I don’t want to listen to this anymore” he didn’t let you say one more word as he slammed the door in your face.

-

“Baby, what’s wrong?” you hear Eddie’s concerned voice through the phone.

“Can you come over? Please” you don’t explain just yet, you just needed him here.

“Of course, I’ll be there in ten” he doesn’t even stop to think about it, immediately saying yes.

“Climb through my window, I’ll leave it open”

That night you only managed to sleep thanks to him, he was the one giving you the peace and calming that you needed. He was the one making your heart flutter.

And for that reason you decided you would not give up so easily. You could not just give up on this thrill he brought into your life, your wild boy and all of this wild joy.

This is why your judgmental ‘friends’—if you could even call them that—still had things to say about your relationship.

“We just want what’s best for you”

“I’m afraid it’s a little too late for that” you started, acting reluctantly, “I’m pregnant”

Every single one of them yelled a perfectly synchronized ‘WHAT?!’And you nodded.

“I’m having his baby” you admitted and they looked at you horrified and shocked, you couldn’t contain you laughter anymore. “No, I’m not, but you should see your faces!”

“We are not joking around! Could you take this seriously?”

“Girls, if all you want is boring and insignificant for me, then it’s just meaningless and it’s still my choice to make” you explained, starting to think that they’re not ‘trying to save you,’ they just hated you.

“But think about your reputation. What would people say about you?”

“I’ll tell you something, it’s still my name and mine alone”

“Please, just think about-“

“Oh my god! I swear, I’d rather die right now than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning! Really!” you interrupted them and without letting them say one more word, you finally left.

-

For the next month you had to sneak around to be able to see Eddie, since your dad had forbidden you to ever see him again. Obviously, that wasn’t even a choice. You were going to see him whether your dad likes it or not. But what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

So you get out of your house after lying to your parent telling them you were meeting one of the girls for a project. Your mom looked at you warily because she noticed the pretty dress and the make-up you were wearing, but she didn’t say anything about it. She wasn’t the judgemental person your dad was.

You walked two blocks away from your house and there was that Van you knew all too well by now, waiting for you.

You went to his trailer, you couldn’t really do any other plan for a date. You still couldn’t go out in public much if you wanted to keep seeing him.

“What movie should we watch?” you ask him.

“I didn’t rent any this week, I just have the old ones we already watched” he answers.

“Oh” you mumble as you go through the couple cassettes he has. But he’s right, you’ve already seen those a thousand times. He hears your sigh.

“I’m sorry, okay? I just didn’t think we would have to keep hiding here even after telling everyone about us” he explains.

“I know Eddie, but- I’m dead if my dad finds out I’m still seeing you” you insist but he doesn’t say anything back. He’s dozing off thinking about something.

“What if I just go talk to him?” he proposes after a few seconds.

“What?” you question him in disbelieve. He can’t mean that literally.

“No really, what if he meets me in person? I could talk to him, introduce me, do all that ‘what my intentions with your daughter are.’ Maybe he’ll come around”

“That won’t work with him Eddie, it’s just gonna be a really unconfutable moment between you two. Believe me, I know him” you explain.

“But what other choice do we have? Are we just gonna keep hiding until you move out?” he questions.

“I- I don’t know, but at least this way I can still sneak around and see you. If I keep insisting with this, he’s just gonna lock me in my bedroom forever” you started getting nervous. You were so stressed out that no one would believe or even listen to you when you want to explain how Eddie actually is to you.

“Okay, okay, don’t worry, I’m here, I’m always gonna be here” he calms you down by hugging you. Scandal does funny things to pride, but brings lovers closer.

When Sunday comes around, you were setting the table to eat with your family, your dad cooking the meat on the grill, your mom dressing the salad. You hear a knock on the front door, but you weren’t expecting anyone today.

“Honey, can you get that?” you mom asks you.

When you open the door, your eyes must be deceiving you, it has to be that. You’re just imagining him because you miss him and he’s just always on your mind.

“Hey” he softly greets you noticing the surprise on your face. And you confirm you’re not imagining anything.

“What are you doing here?!” you whisper-shout at him.

“Okay- I know you told me not to do this, but I really think it could work. Just give me a chance sweetheart, I mean… my charm worked with you after all, maybe it’ll work on them as well, who knows?” he winks playfully.

"Honey! Who is it?" your mom appears from behind you to see. Eddie presents himself politely, giving her flowers even.

"Oh, thank you Eddie, I didn't know you were coming over" she comments confused.

"I just wanted to introduce myself so you could actually get to know me, and not what... some other people say about me" he explains calmly. He acting so respectful that you're biting your tongue to not make fun of him.

"Of course dear, come in" and just like that, he has your mom absolutely delighted with him.

But as I said, your dad is the tough one.

Eddie goes outside to talk to him, he asks you to leave him go alone for a second and that he'll call you if he needs you.

You let him go by himself but still, you're standing at the door spying on them. You can't hear anything, but you see Eddie talking and your dad listening with a straight face. He's acting tough to intimidate him. But Eddie doesn't seem faced by it, he's just explaining something in the nicest way possible. If the hellfire guys were here to see him, they would never let him live this down.

"Honey, don't bite your nails" your mom tells you after a while.

"I'm just really nervous"

"I know, they've been talking for a while now" she agrees, "want me to go see how it goes?"

"Or should I go?" you start questioning but as if you had called them, your dad and Eddie walk in. You look at them expectantly.

"Can you help me outside?" your dad asks you and you nod quickly. You try to read Eddie's face but he seems relaxed, could it be?

After going outside he stands in front of you and takes a few seconds to choose his next words.

"I'm sorry"

"What?" you whisper. You can't believe what you just heard.

"I owe you an apology for not listening to you when you explained it" he starts, "and I owe him and apology for misjudging him"

"Really?"

"Yes dear, I hope you can forgive me and... I just want you to be happy, and I can finally tell that he is one who makes you happy" he admits and you go hug him before you even think of it. Somehow, now even your daddy just loves him.

Eddie stays for dinner that day and it's beautiful to see them all getting along. You separate from your old friends and find new ones who don't judge you and actually care about you and not what other's might think. Eddie and you stay together and finally have dates outside of his trailer or your room. You officially meet Wayne and he adores you, but Eddie's not surprised about that, he knew it wouldn't take much giving how adorable you are. People still have things to say about you two but you learned not to care about it.

[that-one-enby-ranger]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROGER TAYLOR

It is Roger Meddows Taylor's birthday today so of course I have to make it all of yours problems and yap about it.

We've gotta start off with how talented this man is. He is the KING of drummers in my eyes and will always be. Watched a full concert today to celebrate, and I was just focusing on how fast he could move, and he wasnt always looking at the drums. And his little solo in the Montreal concert and I was staring at him and oh my gosh he can move fast. He looked tired afterwards. And his voice is amazing in its own unique way. I love it. I love listening to live songs and looking out for his baking vocals. I died everytime. My favourite song to hear live is Crazy Little Thing Called Love just because of Roger's rEaDy FreDdIe 🤠. I die every single time I hear and go insane you don't even know. His backing vocals are just *mwah* CHEF'S kiss 🤌.

And his high pitched screaming in In the Lap of the Gods is amazing. Theres a video of Roger Taylor blessing your ears for an hour and a half and it's just him screaming in that song and it really does bless your ears.

Plus he's got solo albums. And unless I'm horribly wrong, he has the most solo albums out of the entire band. I don't have a favourite album but a couple of my fav songs are The Key, Man on Fire and Strange Frontier.

He's written lots of hits and great songs including Radio Gaga, A Kind of Magic, One Vision, These are the Days of Our Lives, The Invisible Man and of course, I'm in Love With My Car.

Then there's the underrated songs that I love like Drowse, Action This Day, Ride the Wild Wind and others that I forgot and I cant be bothered to look up.

He also studied dentistry in uni. I don't know if he would have actually ended up being a dentist if he hadn't joined. But just think if he did.

THIS MAN RIGHT HERE COULD HAVE BEEN YOUR DENTIST SHOVING HIS HANDS IN YOUR MOUTH.

I just watched a video while writing this called the genius of Roger Taylor and they talked about how good he is on drums and used drum talk that even though I play drums, I haven't been playing long enough to understand, so they go into more depth on how talented he is on the drums. Its called The Genius Of Roger Taylor by Drumeo.

And you've gotta talk about his heart warming lyrics.

"With my hand on my grease gun,

Ooooo it's like a disease son."

Magical.

And what makes that even better is that sometimes during concert he would mix the lyrics around, whether on accident or purpose, I don't know, but he would say "with YOUR hand on MY grease gun." Life changing.

But seriously you wanna know some good lyrics listen to the whole of These Are The Days of Our Lives. And then try not to cry.

Moving on from talent, we gotta talk about some more amazing things about him.

He's a funny little boy. Watch some clips of him and you'll see what I mean. I don't care if you don't agree with me, I know he's a funny little boy.

"He threw my best fucking pair of maracas. Great sounding maracas, took me HOURS to steal them, and he just..." I can't write the next part without it seeming like it's a roleplay because it's a motion he makes of throwing stuff away in the air.

Anyways, it was his idea to dress up in drag for the I Want to Break Free video and that was one of his best ideas ever. Rogerina looked amazing.

What a goddess. And when I Want to Break Free got canceled in America, he would help stand up for the video and wouldnt feel ashamed that they did it and said they had a great time and it was fun.

And somewhat similarly, but more importantly, after Freddie died, and the press were being homophobic perverts and saying stuff like Freddie had it coming, or he lived a promiscuous life style, Roger (and Brian) would go on TV and stand up for Freddie and would be like "thats not true at all, you fucking pricks." That's not what they actually said. And he would then go on about how the press were massive dicks to Freddie while trying to get into his private life especially towards the end.

Hes adorable. Sweetie. My love.

"I'd like to make it.. naked 😏, and raw."

"1 and 3/7ths sugars please." "No one and 3/7ths 😠"

"I've just written this new one, WHICH IM REALLY EXCITED ABOUT"

"ITS PERFECT"

Just some quotes there.

Also, APPARENTLY, my sources are shit, I've only heard this once, has not been backed up, but I'm including it anyways, but apparently when Roger wasn't allowed to have Stone lions out the front of his house, he thought outside the box and put up hundreds of glow and the dark gnomes.

He also apparently had to legally fight his neighbour to keep his giant statue of Freddie Mercury he had in his backyard because the neighbour APPARENTLY thought that it was "rUiNinG tHe laNdScApe"

He kissed Brian when he was drunk.

He was called sex on legs.

Grew a beard because people kept mistaking him as a girl.

His eyes.

"There was lots of sex and drugs. Actually there wasn't that much sex and ... Well there wasn't much drugs"

There's also some lovely sad stories with him. Mainly the 300 yards and I don't feel like crying again so I'm not gonna write it out.

I'm gonna stop this here because my finger feels weird from having a plaster on it for three days and I wanna focus on more Roger videos that I've been watching in the background for about an hour now. I'm just gonna say he is shemxy.

And then you've got this:

Love him. Appreciate him. I'm gonna marry him one day, mark my words.

There is a lot more on him. This is all I've got. For now.

[taylortruther]

Sex will come up... it’s a Taylor album, of course. But how can you even have sex with someone you’re falling out of love with or who’s so angry or upset with you? You can’t desire someone if you look at them with stormy eyes? I want to hear her describe it, not in a perverted way, but just to understand it

sex and how it appears in a relationship is obviously deeply personal, but it's funny because my first reaction was, "you can't." and while that's obviously just me, it wouldn't surprise me if that showed up on an album (presumably) about the end of a ltr.

like, beyond whether you're allosexual, the amount you have, when you have it, who you're having it with, what you're doing, how you feel about any of it... it can be tied so tightly with people's self-worth and self-expression. sex is packed with meaning, which makes it very fraught and fragile at times.

so i hear you on just wanting to understand it. you can't help but wonder, what does sex look to a person who deeply needs physical intimacy and who has used it to reconnect with her partner during hard times (false god, afterglow)? to say nothing about how it might affect her self-esteem (thinking of maisie peters' "body better"...)

also, it just makes me think of "you taught me a secret language i can't speak with anyone else" and "i don't remember who i was before you painted all my nights a color i've searched for since" because that's so often what sex with a partner is like. how can you find that intimate and fragile and vulnerable connection with anyone else? do you go looking for it (illicit affairs, "diesel is desire you were playing with fire")? and if you are using it as another language, what if it fails to get the point across? how do you process having sex with a partner and feeling cold after? LIKE!!!!! i'm scared.

(btw it's really funny to me that you're like "of course sex will be present, it's taylor" when this conversation started because someone was like "why would taylor talk about sex again?" lmao)

[meraki-yao]

RWRB Thoughts: The Deadline Contender Panel

Quick list of very direct, subjective, random and spontaneous thoughts I had while listening/watching the panel:

I absolutely understand that Taylor probably doesn't remember every detail of the movie off the top of his head, especially with nerves, but Sweetheart really didn't describe the played DNC scene correctly😅

That being said Taylor calling Henry Alex's boyfriend made me SO FUCKING HAPPY???? I was squealing and kicking my legs because of all the feels. On top of that, intentional or not, Taylor takes a breath so it goes "wanted to bring his... boyfriend!" and there's this subtle emphasis on the word, I am screaming

I do question why this scene though? I don't know much about this whole process, but just an educated guess, if we're trying to get an emmy nom via this panel, shouldn't we be showing a scene that's more representative of the movie's core? Like, say the New Year's scene, or Kensington Palace, or the Lake scene. If we have to include the comedy aspect, then show the freaking Red Room. I love this scene of course, but if the purpose is to nominate ourselves and show ourselves then I feel like another scene should have been picked

Why can't people freaking pronounce Nick's surname correctly? It's phonic! Ga - Lit- Zine

"Orange Guy was still president" I snorted

I heard there's stupid discourse over this minor, harmless thing, but because people are stupid, here to clarify "especially Taylor since he's here" is CLEARLY A JOKE BETWEEN FRIENDS and if you didn't pick that up then that's kind of sad :P

I'm wondering if there's still recordings of the zoom auditions/chem read. I can also imagine zoom chem read being much harder. Honestly I think zoom auditions only work with monologues.

He did the chem read in his sister's apartment lmao

THEIR CHEM READ WAS KENXINGTON????!!! WHAT THE FUCK???!!! THE MOMENT THAT MADE MATTHEW GO "there's the one" WAS THIS FREAKING SCENE??? This also implies they had to say "I love you" upon the first time meeting each other oh my god I wanna see that so bad

Also I cannot freaking imagine this intense of a scene via zoom, God I really want to see it (don't think we'll ever get it but still)

Someone ask Matthew or Nick what the other scene in the chem read is

The notebook, pride and prejudice and 10 things i hate about you mention made me happy :D

The speech thing... Kinda feel like should be a Matthew question? It's cool to hear that Taylor referenced President Obama but this is still ultimately him being Alex? Plus Taylor's a great public speaker to begin with

Did he dabble in political science? Did he ever mention that? I know he did Spanish and Community but political science?

I think the only really bad gay movie in recent years was Bros and that has a myriad of issues internally and externally, but I think it's just this one?

Why is TikTok the metric? Might write something longer in the future when I have time but the thing is with this

Speaking of Taylor and queer roles, I think I saw somewhere that Noah Torres was bi?

I talked to @pippin-katz about this but dear God, I have heard the question "What is your favourite scene" being asked to the boys at least three times now, and they always answer the cake scene. Why don't they ever expand on the question, especially since Taylor affed the Kensington scene this time, and why don't they ever ask other questions or ask about specifics? Between me and my friends, we came up with at least 40 questions that could be asked to the boys and haven't been asked yet.

Nick how the fuck did cream stay in/ behind your ear for two days and Taylor how did you spot it

I'm honestly getting really tired of the sequel question, it's always phrased the same way, and of course, the answer is gonna be the same. Even if they knew, they contractually can't tell us, the first announcement of a sequel will have to come from a bigger source like Amazon themselves.

I understand being nervous but this interviewer felt too timid and unsure of herself

Overall still very enjoyable, always more than happy to hear Taylor speak about his baby that we all love, but the question are so freaking repetitive. I said it clearer in my discussion with Pippin so here's a screenshot of that part

[9w1ft]

I have always struggled to contain my anger toward the people who clowned her so hard for the beginning of that era and the "spelling is fun" stuff. I know she gained a lot of new fans during Rep, and Lover was a drastic 180 tone and vibes wise, but Lover was the first album she released under Universal. We now know that under Universal, she has almost complete control creatively, so Lover was almost a re-introduction, the first thing she wanted to say to her fans with her newfound freedom, and as far as she knew at that moment, everybody hated it.

People clowned her so hard she changed her lyrics, the one part of her music she cares about the most. It just breaks my heart to think about everything she was probably going through at that point. Her fans can't even handle a fun campy joyful song how are they going to handle anything more than that?

I'll always adore Lover because I feel like more than most of the rest of her work, it is exactly what she wanted us to hear and see of her at that moment when she could finally say and do what she wanted. Regardless of who the songs are or aren't about, it was her we were supposed to see, totally and completely, and I will always love it for that.

i’m not so well versed in the chart community but at the time it felt to me like a lot of the hate stemmed from it being a sort of comeback single but not charting well, and blaming that on what other chart tracking fandoms were teasing them for, the so-called childlike aesthetics and lyrics. there’s also this thing where a lot of her fans think she picks bad songs to be singles (that there were better choices). i think, had she followed through by coming out, the song would have gotten a proper reconsideration by critics, and in doing so, the chart obsessed side of the fandom would have relaxed. of course this is all superficial and doesnt get at the key issue which is a lack of appreciation for and reception of taylor’s art by a big portion of her own fanbase, people interacting with the idea of her rather than considering her as a person, etc, though i also remember reading thoughts from fans on tumblr who were not chart obsessed but rather saw ME! or the “hey kids!” line as insulting to their tastes or intelligence, and i guess people are entitled to feel how they feel, but i think that some amount of that is connected to a lot of longtime swifties having been in the trenches fighting for her and her reputation and working to prove the quality or seriousness or craft of her work to other people for years, despite being made fun of for listening to her or being a fan of her.. to some of these people, ME! probably felt like it was unrecommendable or tough to defend criticism of their own personal tastes, and they felt like taylor did them dirty. i’m not saying i agree with any of this or that it is a good thing. it’s just my attempt at understanding of some of the critiques of it.

i think in general, and this goes for so many things, there is a cross-party division in the community that nobody really talks about, whether you are small g gaylor or swiftie, which is a level of cringe tolerance. on both sides of the community, there are people who have a very low tolerance for cringe, and people who have a very high tolerance. by cringe i mean, sensitivity to perception of the self by others. i would go so far to say that most gaylors and swifties could get along with some segment of one another, so along as their cringe levels are in alignment. both sides of the fandom have people who theorize heavily and people who hate the people who theorize because they find it cringe to do so. and it’s a spectrum. but anyway, i think that in some ways ME! is another example of the tensions fans sometime have with their own public perception.

i love Lover so much both as a collection of work and as a greater project for reasons similar to what you said. i felt like she was really tapping in to a mode that was about enjoying herself, embracing insecurities but in a fun way. forms of art like collage, mix and match fashion, gaudy things, camp-adjacent things, unbridled by a desire for sonic cohesion, etc etc, makes lover a real standout for me in the same way rep felt. and in some ways i like that ME! went over so many peoples’ heads because there’s less of a dissonance i feel when listening to it as opposed to some of her more critically acclaimed music that is popular but equally meaningful. i think ill forever lament how popular midnights got simply because people wanted to hop on the bandwagon, if that makes sense. anyway. there are plenty of issues with being drawn specifically to perceived underrated material, too. all of her work deserves love.

time goes on and lover continues to be a very stable (well streamed and often bought) album with longevity (cruel summer turning into a mega hit), an maybe one day ME! will get its place again in the sun

[victoriadallonfan]

For worm/ward questions: Who would be the most interesting Undersider and Breakthrough members to swap teams?

I think Bitch and Ashley are similar enough that you could plausibly see them sticking with each team or being recruited, while also having radically different outcomes.

Ashley is of course far more destructive without therapy or her medication, and her power makes fights a lot more deadly for everyone involved while removing the option for the Undersiders being getaway experts. On the other hand, Lisa isn’t out in the field due to Ashley not caring, so they likely switch up tactics completely.

She would like Brian’s professionalism but they had a LOT of conflict of personality and her desire for leadership. She and Alec would probably get along decently well, barring moments he pokes fun at her and things go awry. Lisa might latch onto her like she did with Taylor, if she gets the right info, but that could go really well or really poorly. Taylor would absolutely hear Ashley talk and think she’s a bona fide evil villain, maybe even comparing her to Emma, but I can see a chance for Taylor to see past her mask in quiet moments where Ashley tries to stop infighting. I think the big thing that can sway this is that Ashley would probably not stand for Coil treating Dinah this way. I’m 50/50 on her attacking him outright or shocking Taylor by siding with her immediately, because what Coil does pushes a lot of her buttons (plus she wants his spot). That would be interesting, to imagine this unlikely duo working together, and it might actually ruin the plan to return to the Undersiders post Leviathan if it’s not sincere enough.

Bitch is interesting, because WB has mentioned that she could benefit a lot with therapy and a positive environment with other kids her age, which I presume happens if she’s with Yamada. Entirely possible she gets sent to the same Asylum that Kenzie, Vic, and Sveta were at, having meet some or all of them before.

I imagine she’ll always be gruff, but a lot more overtly aware of that and sensitive to others, maybe having long since begun to treat them like dogs (affectionate). I can see her sympathizing with Byron’s situation of dealing with family while also coming to respect Tristan as a potential leader like she did Brian. Absolutely takes to Rain immediately like in canon, the two of them often discussing survivalist stuff and her becoming an unofficial protector for him. Chris and her actually get along fairly well, especially when they talk shop about dogs and medicine for them. Kenzie, Sveta, and Vic depends on what she knows of them. Possibly sees Kenzie as a very excitable and overly attached puppy, so some of her methods of dealing with her can be blunt, maybe too blunt at times. Sveta and Bitch may be a bit frayed, because Sveta can be a bit overbearing and preachy, and Bitch isn’t sensitive about the same things Sveta is, but they get along and understand how powers fucked them up. Victoria and Bitch, again depends, but I can see Victoria feeling trauma by comparing the mutant dogs to her flesh coffin, and Bitch being naturally wary of the new comer. I think there’s no real conflict though, not with this timeline switch, and ultimately they come out respecting each other like in canon. Bitch might help Vic understand Chris and bridge the two of them together…

[flatbstanley]

Wednesday, 9:13 am - Office of Fr. Benedict Crane

Fr. Crane: Good to see you, Justin. And this must be the acquaintance you mentioned on the phone?

Justin: Yes, this is Claire Newton.

Fr. Crane: A pleasure, Miss Newton. Why don't you both have a seat.

Fr. Crane: I was sorry to hear that Taylor demanded a divorce from you. I'll never understand why people feel the need to leave a good partner and to break the sacred bond of marriage.

Justin: Yes indeed, Father. And on top of that, she wants to take my kids from me, and I'm hoping you can help me with that.

Fr. Crane: I did find your phone call rather confusing. Could you explain again what you need from me?

Justin: That leftist social worker appointed by the judge said that my kids couldn't be with me - not even just for the weekend - because my house wasn't big enough. Can you imagine?

Claire: Real estate is getting expensive in Chestnut Ridge, Father. It's hard to afford a big house unless you, um, well...

Justin: But Claire's house has a room with plenty of extra beds. If we did weekends at her place instead of mine, the social worker would be just fine with it.

Justin: I know what this might look like, Father, and that's why I wanted to talk it over with you. I don't want to lead Claire into the near occasion of sin, and I certainly don't want to make others think we aren't living a Christian life. But I take my responsibilities as a father very seriously, and if this gives me a way to make sure my children are trained properly in the Faith, isn't that the most important thing?

Claire: And I'm happy to help Justin out. As a friend, of course.

Fr. Crane: Ah, I understand. Yes, you were right to be concerned about how this might appear to others. But I agree with you, Justin, that upholding your duty to your children is paramount. Particularly when we consider the training they'll otherwise be receiving from their mother. I take it the two of you will sleep in separate rooms?

Justin: Of course, Father.

Fr. Crane: Well, that settles that. I would simply love to take more time to chat with you, but I do have another appointment coming up.

Fr. Crane: Before you leave, Miss Newton, I must say that your dress is simply lovely. Recently I've felt increasingly convicted that skirts are the only proper attire for a Catholic woman.

Claire: Really? I mean, I don't mind them when I'm doing stuff like this, but I've got a horse at home. I couldn't ride or take care of her if I had to wear skirts all the time.

Fr. Crane: Well. Something to think about, at any rate. Have a lovely day, and God bless you.

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

*Define Cultural Impact*

Taylor stans: " Well it made a lot of money and it charts."

I pray for them to understand the difference between commercial success and cultural impact.

And dressing like her, RIGHT NOW isn't impact either. She's one or the biggest popstars at the moment. Of course some gonna cosplay as her. Talk to me if anyone does this 20 years later. I can GUARANTEE you no one will be doing that.

And OF COURSE businesses will try to captilize of her name. As if they wouldn't suck up to her to gain cash.

What impact has she DONE with her MUSIC? Her ART? Has she done ANYTHING that hasn't been done before? Did she push any boundaries? Did she risk anything?

Preach-

You have no idea how stressful I find it that most- if not all- young people are consistently conflating the idea of material success with cultural impact.

Capitalistic Hellscape American Dreams are literally rotting out the core of the human experience-

Not to be too overly dramatic- but Taylor Swift is literally the poster child for the vapidity of conflating materialism with cultural presence.

To be honest- now that it has been roughly 6 months since TTPD release- I don't really see much impact from the album at all.

In fact- I barely hear it played on anything except the most obnoxious Tik Toks you've ever heard in your life. Do Swifties think that having an impact on Tik Toks is the equivalent of making an impact as an artist?

I wonder- about this a lot since I've been reading so much on dialectical materialism, ancient aesthetics, and Marxist philosophy-

It's getting weird inside my brain.

It is an interesting question at least- to wonder, are we culturally influenced by the most vapid, shallow aspects of capitalistic music production; or is art mainly beholden to aesthetics?

Does the modern pop music captivate us for aesthetic purposes? or does it captivate our impulse towards distraction in an era of increasingly short attention spans?

Either way- I am rather sick of the banality Swift is propping up as "genius"

I don't know- I fell down a rabbit hole the other day at the crosshairs of neurobiology and aesthetics-

Some scholars of Ancient Greek plays argue that the unique rythme and prosody of employed by the playwright had the ability to affect the mind- and further our ability to empathize, think critically, and engage with reality. Some of the theories relate- of course- to the Aristotelian idea of catharsis- so imagine my surprise when I realized there is a real neuroscientific basis to that ancient theory.

I really enjoy thinking about this stuff- if you can tell; mainly because I know that Taylor Swift was aiming for classic Greek Tragedy aesthetics and missed it by a mile, simply because she is not a good enough writer to employ the tactics of catharsis in her work.

Not that I want to fall into a neo-fascist trap of glorifying past art as the pinnacle to which we should all aspire because it represents some past "pure" age- free of corruption. I do, however, think that we live in an interesting era- one which nearly demands that we pay attention to what slips past our attention, and what is missing from our periphery of attention:

What is missing from art? Where are the neurobiological cathartic impulses- the aesthetics of critical engagement? Where did it go? Is it actually missing- I think, at least, for some more mind-numbing music (like Swift's) it certainly is.

And, of course, a follow up question from people who would no doubt play devil's advocate with this topic: Should we even bother with emotionality and cognitive engagement for the purpose of creating good art? Does good art have to make people think or feel? Is that the purpose of art?

Relating it all back to cultural impact vs material success- Why do people think that material success is indicative of any further artistic depth? I don't have an answer- it is actually confusing to me.

You pose a really thought-provoking discussion in your ask, and I thank you for it.

I will be returning to writing about aesthetics- I am sure of that.

[zsakuva]

You amaze me ...... LIKE the WAY you add detail to your story makes me speechless for example the kayson audio first episode they got into a locker . then Mr. T and Alex (booo 😤) came in and they had a conversation there voices was slightly heard but not alot . Like this story was suppose to be kayson focused but the way you added alex 😯😯😯 makes me really think about how your mind works

Things I heard from ep 1 : ( Alex's conversation)

(***) = part where I can’t hear them clearly

(( )) = I think that’s what he said but not 100% sure

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr. Taylor and Alex walking into the office [footsteps].

(Not sure who is talking): (***) AC/DC.

(***)

Alex: The bigger ones (***). Did you ((head-bang))?

Mr. Taylor: Hahahaha. Used to be. Can’t remember the last time I did it.

Alex: (***) only when I’m in my room.

Mr. Taylor: So, what did you want to talk to me about?

Alex: Um, so I- I don’t really know how to say this, but…I’m thinking about quitting the volleyball team s- so that I can have more time to do what I want to do, which is photography. Photography is, my passion and I’ve been wanting to do it for so many years but, right now I’m studying criminology and law, and that’s taking up so much of my time and my parents wouldn’t let me ((choose)) photography as a course, so in order for me to go to university (***) choose criminology and law (***) so I (***) but I also like doing volleyball and the only thing that I can think about doing is to quit volleyball in order to (***) photography.

Mr. Taylor: They wouldn’t let you choose photography?

Alex: No. They think that it’s not sustainable and, so that’s why they wouldn’t let me do the course, and they think that (***) leave home, in order to travel the world and I want to do that of course, that’s part of what I want to put in my portfolio but because they think that it’s (***) and they think that I won’t be able to make enough income, so that I’m going to be homeless if I choose photography as a career (***). It’s- it’s not like I want to (***). (***) I don’t really care about criminology and law, but I understand where they’re coming from (***). (***). (***). (***). (***). I’m not gonna lie, I’ve thought about (***). (***). (***). (***) I don’t want to waste (***). (*** Missing a whole chunk of conversation because of Kayson! ***).

Mr. Taylor: Choosing a course you have no interest in is not how you want to (***). (***). Do they know you do volleyball too?

Alex: Yeah, they (***).

Mr. Taylor: (***). You’re not supposed to living their dream of what they want you to be.

Alex: But I can’t change courses. ((Not if I want them to)) paying for it, and ((being a disappointment of quitting and doing my own thing)).

Mr. Taylor: (***)?

Alex: No, (***). (***) I’d prefer doing volleyball as my course than rather than what I’m actually doing now.

Mr. Taylor: ((I’m going to be frank with you Alex.)) If you don’t want to do criminology and law then don’t. (***) want to do and your health won’t thank you for it. (***). I’m not really qualified to give advice on courses and stuff so, but I will say that you need to think about yourself. (***) and you- you say you enjoy volleyball more than your actual ((course)), which is great! But that’s not how it should be, is it?

Alex: No, [sigh]. I- I was thinking that I can make it through the course, trying to do the work and build my photography portfolio at the same time, so that when I graduate I will have a degree and (***) start work.

Mr. Taylor: (***). (***).

Alex: (***). (***). (***).

Mr. Taylor: Do you know where the student support hub is?

Alex: Uh, no I don’t…

Mr. Taylor: You know where the (***) department is, right? Go straight through to the other side from the main entrance, follow the path and it’s on the left. It’s a very colourful area, so you can’t miss it.

Alex: Okay, I’ll go there tomorrow.

Mr. Taylor: They’ll be able to give better advice than I can. There are also resources that can help you. You’re still in your first term so, even if you do change courses, they’ll try to accommodate you as much as they can.

Alex: I’m just scared that when my parents find out, that (***).

Mr. Taylor: (***). Thinking about what could happen will stop you from ((acting now)). (***). (***).

Alex: No, I (***). Thank you.

Mr. Taylor: (***).

Alex: Yeah it is.

Mr. Taylor: Good! And, if you need time off from the team, let me know.

Alex: No, that’s okay. I’m not going to quit and let the boys down. I can’t do that to them, and I look forward to training.

Mr. Taylor: I’m glad to hear that. So, I’ll start doubling the lunges, the squats, switch it up with some overhead presses and…

Alex: Haha, no-no-no! I’m- I’m good with the intensity already.

Mr. Taylor: Hehehe. You say you like the training, so I’m going to give you a challenge.

Alex: Yeah, but I want to actually move afterwards.

Mr. Taylor: Ah, come on! Hehe.

Alex: Haha.

Mr. Taylor: It’s not that bad. I might double the resistance instead.

Alex and Mr. Taylor leaving the office [footsteps]. [door opens]

Alex: (***).

Mr. Taylor: (***).

[door closes]

I'm very sure tho 😅 love you saku <3~~

Thank you! I'm happy to know that you like listening to the background ambience as well! I love creating the soundscape, and overhearing conversations can be juicy, but a lot of the times, you can't hear everything!

With what you sent, you did well! As long as you grasp the core context, everything else is easy to assume :D

[greenerteacups]

this might seem v random but, if you haven't come across it already, i would really recommend tavi gevinson's latest online zine 'fan fiction' -- not because of the fan fiction element of it, though, but because of your evident love of taylor swift (who it's about) and your impeccable literary taste. and would love to hear your thoughts!

This was an excellent recommendation, and I loved it. I will admit that the RPF segment had me leery (RPF throws me for reasons I have yet to intellectually inspect but believe may relate somehow to the concept of voyeurism) but I'm glad I finished it, because she pulls it together very well. The dialogue in the last segment is especially great, particularly these parts:

And this:

And this:

Because this gets at what I find so Gordian about Internet conversations among even relatively respectful/measured people about Swift's work and presence: we can't seem to figure out what it is we want from her. There is no right way for a woman to be more famous than most presidents. Do we want her to need us or not? Should she care about our approval or shouldn't she? Is the fact that she doesn't "feel" authentic to us the consequence of having demanded authenticity for so long she literally had to shape her personality to fit what "felt real" to millions of people, and in the process, of course, of course, inevitably, produced work that felt authentic to no one?

And then also, like. To what extent do fans use her autonomy/consent as a lever for bad behavior? I.e. does the "invitation" of personal information in her songs license us to speculate about her like she's a character on a TV show? Where is the line of appropriate speculation in an autobiographical medium? I was talking to my friend at dinner just tonight about how it's gross that people can't seem to give her the credit of writing songs that aren't 100% always About Her, and my friend pointed out that she invites comparisons to her own life by teasing names and iconography we identify with her public persona. It's like Brett Easton Ellis writing a book about a character named Brett Easton Ellis. Sure, they're not the same person, but you've invoked a symbol, and people are not being ridiculous for trying to analyze that symbol in the context of the work. In order to do that, they need to understand what the symbol is. Which means the biographical stuff actually is relevant to the text, and Swift's obvious irritation at her fans for failing to just... fuck off a little bit and let her live, while an entirely fair and morally defensible human response, is complicated by the way that her art is produced to resonate best for those who care most. Folklore and Evermore prove even Taylor is on some level aware of this, because she uses the third-person mechanic (and again in "Bolter") to differentiate those protagonists from the narrative construct of "Taylor Swift" in her other first-person work — i.e. pulling apart the Swift who is speaking and not the Swift who is singing (if that makes sense).

And then, finally: "The irony gets a bit tired. You can just say you like music. It's fine." What a deliciously recursive little bit of irony, considering it's a criticism being offered by a character whose ironic distance is itself being criticized. And the fact that the author is putting her own self-criticism in the mouth of a non-existent popstar who's deliberately flattening her take on her subject matter? Mingling valid with invalid criticism to establish a protective distance from her flaws and prove her smarty-pants intellectual self-awareness while also implicitly disowning the faults in her work, an (ironically) childish gesture of insecurity that stands at odds with the mature intellectual persona? Trying to have about seven or eight different cakes, and eat every one of them? "The irony gets a bit tired." Fucking perfect. I laughed.