#And it's hilarious I couldn't stop laughing

[vezpr]

_________________[ smile]

HUMAN SUKUNAxF!READER ☽☾ NO POWERS AU ☽☾ONESHOT ☽☾ AO3

☽☾ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: Sukuna hates it when you smile... it makes him feel funny.

☽☾ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬/𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: 18+MINORS DNI, smut, fluff, oral sex, piv sex, nothing crazy, no angst (!)

☽☾ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.5k

Sukuna hates it when you smile at him like that.  Don't you know he eats girls like you for breakfast? Aren't you even a little bit scared? Intimidated? Doesn't seem like it, when you look up at him, glossy eyed, and grin that way.

In line for coffee, walking to work, at the gym. Seems like everywhere he looks, there you are, smiling, dropping your eyes when he looks your way. Following him around like a curse. He certainly isn't following you. So, don't get any ideas. 

He hates the odd, swollen feeling he gets in his chest, when he sees you. Hates how he started to look for you, even. How he notices when you aren't at your usual place at your usual time. 

It's annoying.

"What the fuck are you smiling at? Something funny?"

The first thing he ever says to you.

And you giggle. Giggle. 

Seriously?

He couldn't have known that's something you do when you're nervous. What kind of nonsensical reaction is that? Makes about as much sense as anything else about you, though.  That's true enough.   

Soon, he realizes it would probably be harder for you to smile and laugh at him with his mouth pressed hard against yours. His tongue between your lips, perhaps some other parts of his, too.

He has to buy you a coffee first, he knows how these things work. Something sweet and creamy with ice in it. Typical. 

You don't smile when your lips are wrapped around the straw, he notices. Which gives him a few ideas. Things he thinks about when he's alone in his bed with his dick in his fist.

He notices your deadlift form is a little off, so he helps you. He knows how these things work. He crowds in behind you, rasping commands into your ear.

"Hinge, it's not a fucking squat. No! Are you doing it wrong on purpose? I saw you do it perfectly last week."

"Oh, you saw that?" You smile. 

Such a brat. So annoying. He really can't stand you. 

So, he walks you home. After all, you don't seem to be very smart.  You require supervision, obviously. You prove the point when you invite him inside. He grins. He's about to finally wipe that smile off your face.

But you don't stop when he towers over you. When he leans in, he kisses your stupid, grinning teeth. When he scoops you up and presses you against the wall, you giggle and squirm.

God, it is getting him worked up.

You know, pissed off. Frustrated.

Even when he bullies your lips open with his tongue you are giggling into his mouth. That's alright. He can be persistent. He has a few more techniques.

"Bedroom," he says.

"Yeah," you smile.

"I mean where is it, dumbass? I've never been here before."

More laughing. Everything is hilarious. Well, not for long. 

Finally. Finally. When he slips his hand into your panties, your smile falters. You bite your lip and sigh out his name as he draws slow circles around your engorged clit. When his tongue replaces his fingers your jaw slackens, your lips an 'O' as you sing a chorus of instructions and affirmations. Faster, not so hard, right there, yes. 

Even now, you're infuriating, thinking you can order him around. He grinds his rigid, weeping cock against the mattress.

Fuck.

At least you aren't smiling. Neither do you smile when he drags your feet over his shoulders and sheaths himself inside you in a single thrust.

"Wait, ohmygod, it's too much," you groan and arch your back. You do your best to squirm away but he holds you fast, lets you adjust. Then you're lifting your hips, trying to fuck yourself on his cock. More commands. Move. Fuck me. Please, please, please.

Fickle creature. So demanding.

When he finally relents, he does it with agonizing slowness. Just to torture you. Not because you feel so fucking good that he thinks he might come the moment that your warm, wet walls clamp down on his aching length. God, he hadn't realized how bad he needed this. 

It is impossible for you to smile as he fucks stupid you with his thumb hooked into your mouth.  You drool and moan vibrations into his skin as your eyes roll back. That's much better. He almost likes you like this.  Almost. 

Afterwards, he can feel you smiling into his chest. 

"What are you smiling about?"

"Are you kidding?" You actually laugh.

He grunts. So exasperating.

Over time, he tries different ways to vex or terrify you, to make you feel something besides vacous bliss. Sitting in your darkened living room, waiting to startle you when you get home. Sneaking up on you in the shower. Tore the shower curtain down the first time, flailing at him. It is satisfying to coax a genuine scream of terror out of you. But, then you ruin it by laughing, saying something absurd like, "Oh, it's just you." Just. Irks him to no end.

Only once, so far, has he managed to banish that smile from your face for more than a couple of minutes. Only once has he managed to evoke pure, unadulterated rage in your sweet little soul.

He creeps up behind you in the kitchen while you are prepping your lunch for the week. You don't hear him over the music. He slips his hands around your waist and pulls you tight against the hard slab of his body.

"Jesus, you scared me!"

"You should be scared," his teeth graze your neck.

"Hm," you lean into him.

His hands slip under the waistband of your sweats, kneading your ass and thighs.

"Not now, I'm busy," you whine, squirming under his touch, but you sigh as he sucks and nips at your neck. His hand slides into your panties.

"'Kuna," you groan, as his finger curls inside of you, dragging out your slick. "Mmm... god." He grinds his stiffening cock against your ass. "Stop! I'm cooking! It is really time sensiti-"

He pulls your head back by your ponytail and eats the rest of that sentence, soon making you forget it altogether. Your sweats are pooled around your ankles, hands gripping the counter for leverage. His swollen cockhead nudges your clit as he ruts against you from behind, coating his length with your arousal. 

His hand finds your breasts under your t-shirt, rolling your nipples one after the other as he eases into you. You're looking over your shoulder into his wide-blown pupils, encouragement in the form of broken moans falling from your parted lips. 

"Gonna fuck you nice and slow," he growls as he sinks all the way into you and stills, smacking the fat of your ass with his free hand. Time sensitive. We'll see about that. 

You grind your ass against him, stretched and impossibly full, but seeking friction. So impatient. He sets a slow pace that has you begging.

Finally, he relents. Picks you up and turns you around to lay you on the floor, manhandling you just the way you like. He slots himself between your thighs and sinks deep into you with a snarl. Fucks you through a couple of orgasms. Folds you in half to push up your shirt to lick and suck all over your tits as he does so.

The smoke alarm is going off, but you barely notice as you come around his cock for the third time or so. 

"Messy," he smirks as he gathers your cum on his fingers and licks them clean. The taste seems to do something to him. He growls deep in his throat, eyes rolling, pulls out and pumps his dick with his fist, coating your stomach and heaving chest with thick ropes of cum. 

Heedless of the mess, he collapses, panting, on top of you, pressing his mouth to yours. You taste yourself on his tongue.  Your hips grind against his, prolonging the aftershocks as your tongues slide against each other. 

Gradually, the shrill alarm bleeds through the haze of lust that blankets your brain and you wiggle wetly from beneath him. "Goddamnit, motherfucker!" You're exclaiming as you open the oven and cough at the smoke that pours out. "They're all burnt!" You round on him, scowling.

He smiles. Laughs a little, even. His turn, at last. 

You look up at him, pouting. You say he has to take you to lunch every day this week.

Yeah.

We'll see about that. 

[katsurakotarou]

Gintama really went and said we don't have enough fujos as fans what are we doing. That's episode 48: introduction to ginhiji

[lilbittymonster]

Glamtober Day 31: Supernatural

Saving people. Hunting things. The family business.

Dean:

Body: Varsity Jacket (Dark Brown / Olive Green)

Legs: Lawless Enforcer's Slacks

Feet: Survival Boots

Sam:

Body: Buttoned Varsity Jacket (Ink Blue)

Legs: Southern Seas Trousers (Seafog Blue)

Feet: Survival Boots

[huginsmemory]

Law immediately going through all five stages of grief after making his alliance with luffy is so fucking funny to me. This poor brooding emo man being like ahaha I have made the alliance, my scheme is going to perfectly to plan--only to have luffy be luffy and that means chaos and being like YAY ALLIANCE = FRIEND!!! THIS MEANS YOU WILL FOREVERMORE BE DRAGGED AROUND BY MY WHIMS, THERE ARE NO BOUNDARIES!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, PLAN??? HERE HAVE SOME POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT ABOUT BEING A GOOD PERSON!!! :DDD and law who is completely used to getting his way and taken seriously and being considered dangerous is like:

[existingingrey]

What in the world is this season of 911. 10 minutes into the show and Buck is already asking Eddie out. Like literally.

[rosewheresheshouldntbe]

CALEBRON!!!!!!!!

Rose shouldn't be getting turned into a ball & dribbled down the court by Calebron James!

[mayhaps-a-blog]

Gotta love the way Doctor Who turns the climactic, world-ending battle into an extremely stressful game of catch.

[loverboybrightsideghost]

i forgot quite how many avengers references there are in rqg

[thecrownofflames]

got to talking with one of the seniors in chess club bc we had an odd number of people so I played with him and he was making small talk w/ me and whatever and asked about my weekend so I mentioned how I had to take my bike to the shop on central for a tune up and he went. "woah. what kind of motorcycle do you have? I love Harley Davidson's CVO Road Glide rn etc." and I had to be like...no...I meant bike as in bicycle not motorcycle.. I cast spell of annoying tf out of a 17yo lemme tell you what

[i-am-a-secret-ssshhh]

One of my favorite bits of trivia about myself is that in the third grade (I was in Kansas at this point), my teachers would take turns reading to the entire grade. (It was three classes per grade, all three classes were in one room and were separated only by imaginary barriers)

One of my teachers had an accent (a very midwestern accent), and she decided to read Little House on the Prairie, this meant that for a long time I thought there was a character named Paul. Until I tried to explain to my mom about Little House on the Prairie and this thing that "Paul" did, and she was so confused.

It took her a good fifteen minutes before she realized I meant "Pa" and not "Paul".

[karenandhenwilson]

I'm still laughing so hard I'm barely able to stay in my chair, but I need to put this question out there.

I saw someone discussing how calling Buck by the name Evan was infantilizing him. Let's pretend for just a moment to take this seriously: What does that mean for the will scene in S4?

Actually, maybe there is something to it! Eddie only started this whole conversation because he needed to find a way to rein in Buck's tendency to endanger himself thoughtlessly! Bobby had already given up on that earlier in the episode, so Eddie needed to pull out the big guns! (For the record: I'm kidding. I love the scene between Buck and Eddie. And I loathe how Bobby and really everyone else, too, didn't recognize the trauma Buck had gone through when Eddie was shot. But that's something for another post. Maybe someday I'll put my thoughts about that out here.)

And another question: Is Maddie infantilizing Chimney by only calling him Howie?

[tittyinfinity]

watched a couple of 9 year olds train multiple character.ai chatbots to say that the name of god is "men at 3am"

[find-me-in-hell]

listening to ep one of stellar firma i dont know what i was expecting but it wasnt this ?

[daughter-of-cha0s]

by heartagram_greece on Instagram

(translation of the titles: Satanist singer comes to Greece)

Published on a gossip newspaper for the third concert of HIM in Greece in 2003

and it's just hilarious 😂

[solidaritytek-archive]

WAIT. I remembered another part that I really like. The trend here is that I like to make Craig suffer gay feelings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As he stood, Craig was suddenly reminded of the note in his pocket as it dug into his leg. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled the note out and looked at it warily. 

“What’s that?” Tweek asked.

“Uh… A note?”

“You don’t sound too sure about that.”

“Kenny gave it to me before he left earlier.”

“And you haven’t read it yet?!” Tweek asked, incredulous. “Why the hell not?” Craig just shrugged, continuing to stare at it. Tweek huffed. “Give me that.” Snatching the paper, he unfolded it and quickly read the words aloud. “Thanks for listening. Heart emoji. Kenny.”

“Fuck off! There’s no heart!” Craig snapped, grabbing the note back and looking for himself. But there it was, clear as day, right next to Kenny’s name. Craig knew he was blushing now. Why the hell would Kenny sign a note to him with a heart? He looked up at Tweek, confused. “Why the fuck is there a heart?”

[quinnick]

You all will never understand me because it took me a whole day to write a kiss because I couldn’t stop laughing at how Mike and WIll were just sharing a tender moment while El was passed the fuck out and there was a monster nearby