#And it’ll be horribly optimized anyway

[h0neybun-was-here]

I’ve been staring at ark downloading for the past hour and a half. Like I know I’m forcing you to download onto a old ass HDD but c’mon now, you took an hour to reserve space. You are on 10%, you can take less then four hours to download I promise

[idrawfunkythings]

DCAtober24 Day 8: Trouble

Words: 1,300+ Summary: Sun doesn't appreciate his rules being broken, and takes you for a ride (it's a lot goofier than it sounds)

Your job was becoming monotonous. Wake up, come to the daycare, help Sun wrangle all the kids, flirt in a way you hoped was a joke, bully Moon, go home to sleep and then repeat it all the next day. It wasn’t that you didn’t like your job - hell no, this place was the best thing to ever happen to you. But the constant cycle of the same stuff was starting to get to you.

Sun had noticed. You weren’t really trying to hide it, which was obvious when after Sun excitedly told you about the fact he’d be reusing the schedule from last week to help ease a few new kiddos in, you’d groaned and face planted the desk.

“Don’t give me that,” Sun tuts. “It’ll be fun!”

“Can we pleeeeeeeeese switch things up,” you moan, cheek mashed against the smooth tabletop. “I’m begging you. I’m getting sooooooooo bored.”

Sun spins his faceplate to the side. “You’d better not be calling me boring!”

“Ughhhhhhhhhhhh.”

“Maybe the reason you’re bored is because-” Sun hums and crouches down next to you, to whisper in your ear. “You haven’t been sleeping properly.”

“Hi, Moon,” you grumble. “Go away.”

“Your attention slipping can be a sign of bad sleep patterns!” Sun recites, jumping back up and listing sleep related facts off of his fingers. “To have an optimal experience during the day, you should do your best to get to bed on time the night before.”

“Maybe I would get to sleep better if someone didn’t steal my keys,” you said pointedly. Sun shrugs.

“Maybe you should keep them hidden better.”

“I shouldn’t have to worry about my coworkers stealing my keys!”

“And I shouldn’t have to worry about you wanting to ruin my perfectly scheduled days because you’re bored,” Sun smiles. He places his hands over your own, holding them when you try and grab them back out of spite.

“Your days should be more interesting then.” It’s a kiddy insult, and he knows that, but his eyes glint with interest all the same.

“Well, friend, it almost sounds like you’re being mean to me,” Sun laughs, placing a hand over his mouth to fake-gasp. “And being mean is very much against the rules of the daycare.”

“Screw your rules.” You start to gather your stuff, checking your Fazwatch. You’d stayed back late enough that you’d missed the peak hour traffic, and getting home would be a piece of cake. You nod to Sun and stuff everything in your bag, getting out from your spot behind the security desk. “I’ll see you tomorrow buddy.”

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Your path is suddenly blocked by a very large, very yellow obstruction. You squint up at Sun in annoyance.

“Dude, come on.”

“You broke a daycare rule.” Sun does his usual habit of bending down and waggling a finger in your face. “Rulebreakers must be punished.”

“Can this rulebreaker be punished tomorrow, when I’ve gotten home and had a nice, warm shower?”

“Nope!”

“How am I meant to get a good sleep if you’re harassing me?” you try, attempting to sidestep Sun without him noticing. It fails, of course.

“You won’t get one anyway!” Sun days brightly, and you grit your teeth because obviously he’s right.

You cross your arms, extremely unimpressed. “Sun-”

You’re abruptly cut off when you’re lifted into the air, madly scrabbling for something to hold on to. This was one of Sun’s favourite things to do - to lift you up and then spin you around before letting you back onto solid ground, greatly disorienting you in the process.

However this time, there’s no spin, and he doesn’t put you back down.

You yelp as you realise you are suddenly nowhere near close to the soft playmats of the daycare. Instead, you’re suspended in the air, swaying back and forth with nothing but that stupid wire that Moon absolutely adored to keep you aloft.

The one that Moon adored, and the one that Sun was notoriously horrible at successfully using. Okay, great.

“Sun!” you shout, berating yourself for clutching onto him pathetically despite your anger. You tuck your head into his ruffles, just below his faceplate. “Put me back down!”

It wasn’t that you were scared of heights, per se - Moon had taken you on many a nighttime joyride. It was just that, like any sane person would be, you absolutely 100% did not want to be placing your faith in the hands of an animatronic that once managed to faceplant into the ball pit because he forgot how to work the wire.

“What’s the matter, Sunshine?” Sun laughs, although he quiets when the movement makes you cling to his neck. “I thought you liked flying.”

“Yeah, when it’s my choice,” you hiss, deliberately refusing to look at the wire and remind yourself how thin it really was. “And it never is, because neither of you understand how to ask someone before doing something!”

“Neither do you,” Sun hums, coiling his arms around your body as a reassurance that he won’t drop you. “You certainly don’t ask before you say mean things!”

“That’s because you deserve them,” you counter, crossing your arms, and then being instantly reminded why that was a bad idea when you shift in Sun’s grip.

“No one deserves mean things!” Sun admonishes, and you swear that you can see Moon rolling his eyes.

Once you’re completely sure that Sun is holding you as tight as possible, you cast a glance down to the daycare. The two of you are floating above the play structures, a few feet below the beams across the roof. The bright plastic star lights on the wall are shining brightly, illuminating the space.

When Moon takes you for a flight, it’s usually not in the daycare, and also so chaotic that you never have a chance to see what the plex looks like from so high up. But if you forgot about the fact that you yourself weren’t actually secured to the roof, it almost felt kind of peaceful, being above the ground. You understood why Moon loved it so much.

“Remind me why we’re up here,” you say after a beat.

“You broke the rules. You’re in trouble.”

“I am not a child, Sun.” He hums humourously. “I’m ignoring that. Put me down.”

“Time out.”

“Sun.”

“Rulebreaker.”

“Sun.”

He doesn’t say anything. After a while you look up at him. His permanent grin is looking suspiciously sheepish.

“Sun?”

“So. Uh.” His rays pulse once, twice, and his fans pick up the pace. “Slight issue.”

“Sun, please don’t tell me you don’t know how to get down.”

“Okay. I won’t, then.”

You hang in the air.

“Okay I have to. I can’t get down.”

Of course he couldn’t. You grip the sides of his face in annoyance. “Sun! I don’t want to be stuck here until the lights go out! What if you drop me?”

Sun scoffs. “I would never drop you.”

“Ten minutes ago, you probably would never have held me prisoner up here.”

“Very incorrect. I definitely would have.”

“Funny.”

Sun’s eye flickers red for a second, and he sighs, drooping. “Um. Moon says he can get us down.”

“Thank god for that.” You gesture to the wire. “Tell him to hurry up.”

“But he won’t.”

Count on Moon to be the most annoying, self centered, sadistic robot in the plex. You grit your teeth. “Why not.”

“He says you need to obey the rules.”

You shout protests, coming up with every name under the sun (ha) for the jester, earning you disapproving noises. You poke Sun’s eyes, untie his bells and threaten to spit in his joints, but Moon is a stubborn son of a bitch, and he refuses to come out.

After your energy is spent from harassing Sun, you sag into his arms. The lights wouldn’t be off until 8:00.

It was gonna be a long twenty minutes.

[chochote-sijali]

So like, there’s something tangential imma bring up (this isn’t directed at OP and this will also be a bit long).

There’s this type of thinking, right? Where you end up paying $20 bucks to go into a movie. You’re sitting in there, watching it play and a feeling washes over you: you suddenly realize how much you hate the movie. “I did not just spend $20 on this bomb of a movie.”

Now there are two things you can do: either continue watching it (whether you think it’ll get better or because you don’t want to waste your $20) or you leave altogether.

A scientist will tell you to get up because you already spent your $20 anyway; they think this is the “logical” thing to do. But you still feel like staying because you don’t want to “waste” your money, so that’s what you do. You stay. Either the movie got better or it stayed the same or it got worse. You did the “illogical” thing by staying. And THIS in my opinion is worth it better than just getting up to leave. If you’re gonna spend your money on something, stick to the end, right?

What’s my point? You invested a bunch of your own life in this world and because of this, you can feel like staying. Or you have the inherent optimism that tells you life will get better. Either thinking doesn’t matter. Because what matters is that you stayed. If it sounds “logical” to leave a movie after investing money into it, then it would be “logical” to die when you don’t appreciate the world, right? But we know how stupid that is. Especially if it’s based on the notion that life won’t get better. (There’s literally no predicting the future, and trying to predict the future should have little effect on what you do in THAT moment anyway.)

But again, I repeat: the thoughts you have about things getting better or worse literally matter very little. What matters is the action you take. Stay because of the investment you made in life. Stay loyal to your ties on this planet. You’re not a vegetable. You’re constantly doing something that keeps you tied to this world. You invested in friendships, in activities and hobbies, in family, in career(s)/jobs, and in this world. Think about the investments you made and regardless of how bleak the future looks in your head, stay because all those investments go to waste if you kill yourself. Heck, to keep even more ties to this world, go make more investments. Make new friends, get new hobbies, start a family if you want one, try a new career/job or start some new projects within your career. Use that “illogical” side of yourself to keep yourself more grounded to this world.

Whether it’s horrible/bleak or not, remember your 20 bucks and stick around till the end of the show.

[thicctator]

A post about how life changes and how I’m actually feeling worthy of being alive even if I still feel adrift in a world I don’t quite fit in. I needed to get this out of me and into the digital ocean to give me back some brain space and maybe spread a little love.

Tw: this post will talk about suicidal ideation and mental health - not explicitly detailed - if you’d like to skip those bits please skip past the bits between the (xx) marks.

That being said, I want this to be a post about optimism and a general feeling I have about my place in the world. It’ll be a long one, I’m not even sure if it’s worth reading.

I really hope it is, also that it’s worth sharing.

I’ll give a TL;DR: I finally feel *alive*, I still don’t know what I’m doing with myself or how I got here but I did and I want people to know, strangers and loved ones alike, I care about you. I hope 2024 is better for you than 2023, well done for making it this far.

It’s the very early hours of the last day of 2023, I can’t sleep, but that’s fine. One of my cats is asleep on my ankles, he’s snoring, it’s soothing. Sometimes I like to lay in bed anyways with my eyes closed - if I can’t sleep, I can at least close my eyes and try.

I turn 30 next year.

I get married.

I finally have things I *like* about myself, about my interests, my appearance, my place in the world.

A world that has always felt alien to me. Not just because of my neurodiversity but because I didn’t intend to be here this long.

(xx)

I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was 28. I have a ream of other physical and mental health issues that whilst chronic, are manageable now.

I didn’t live in a good position before I moved out with my partner. I hated everything about myself.

Every attempt to get a better job so I could leave that went wrong made me sicker. Every fight with a family member. Every cancelled plan to fit to another person’s schedule. Every horrible comment, snide look. Every time I’d hear other people’s criticisms of me built up.

I had a plan. I guess I still do, it’s still perfectly actionable.

Now that plan is less of a focus. It’s still there, a little pop up thought, but now I have ways to remind myself it’s just a thought. I have support and a better understanding of what the beginning of my decline looks like.

(xx)

Life’s weird when you didn’t plan to make it this far.

It’s weird to work out career progression, housing, long term plans and such when you didn’t consider them in your 20s like most people because you were too ill and wanted to not be here.

I like to drift along in the wind on some stuff even now. My brain can only handle so many things at once and the damage caused by my health means I know to play within my limits. But alas.

I happened across my career I do (product analyst - sounds kinda dull, huh?) after going “oh that sounds kinda cool” and applying having only met half their criteria. The manager took a chance on me, the company I work for turned out to be exceptionally kind and generous and understands I need support.

I got rejected, made redundant and worked soul crushing jobs far more times than I can count before this, so I count the good fortunes here every day.

Each time I have a bad work day, I remind myself it’s just a bad day, not a bad reflection of me.

My partner is the sweetest soul, kind, gentle, full of warmth. Patient and nurturing. He’s handled a lot from me, helped me through a lot too. He was the first person I tried to explain my thoughts on my gender/sexuality and how I view myself and my health to, who’s seen me grow and change over the last decade.

This wonderful soul wants to marry me. He wants to be my husband. He fills me with warmth each time he laughs at something silly, or politely sits with me in a quiet space and let me just *exist* with him.

The life I’ve built isn’t extravagant. It’s not anything you’d see on a heavily curated social media page.

It’s comfortable. It’s colourful now. It’s full of little acts of kindness and care I didn’t get to experience when I was younger, of silly little trinkets I always wanted. It’s the love I feel when I wake up to my cat snuggled up in the blanket with me, to the quiet time to do a hobby. To the giving a compliment to a stranger or smiling at my own reflection for the first time ever.

It’s sending photos to my friends of my silly little creations, of sharing interests. It’s the friend who thanks me for thinking of them or to the understanding of my partner when I say “I don’t feel well” or “I don’t want to do that, why not go alone and enjoy yourself?”

It’s to being optimistic about my space in the world. To deciding it’s fine that I don’t know what I’m doing yet, I’m still here.

It’s to my cats. Particularly my black cat, who, when I seriously hit my lowest looked at me with his tongue sticking out and I laughed. I paused and I just…wanted to make him proud of me.

Archie, I love you. I’m proud of you. I’m proud of me too now.

—

I’m not inspirational, I’m just a chubby lil queer who’s “so indecisive I can’t decide on a gender” (an affectionate quote from a good friend). But I want to give a bit of advice and love from someone who’s been in the depths of mental health’s abyss and who knows I could very easily go back.

It’s okay, to not know what to do in a situation. To not know how to fix your life. To be overwhelmed. To not have the picture perfect life. It’s okay to aim just for existence. To just “be” in the world.

Find joy in small things. Things that make *you* as a person happy. Don’t conform to others and what they want of you.

Sometimes you just need to find a way to make a thing work for you - I had my entire chest tattooed just to ease dysphoria and make ease with myself and now I have cool art on my skin and I get to go “wow that’s a colourful thing. I am art. I am a beautiful expression of art.”

Oh and my best advice: half doing something is better than not doing it at all. Can’t face washing the pile of pots, just clean off that plate you need or graze out the fridge for some food. Can’t shower today? Try just to wash your face or change your clothes. Be proud of everything small you achieve.

I lost a tooth from not brushing my teeth during my worst times, ya know. Even now I tell myself “it’s better to brush for 30 seconds than not at all” and yeah, I’m proud and smiling like a goofball at myself when I muster the energy and brain bees to remind me to brush my teeth at lunchtime on the low energy days.

—————

The horrors persist but so did I. Fuck the world that told me no or that I wasn’t enough.

I’m cosy now.

It’s all I wanted. It’s worth it. I’m worth it.

Even if we’ve never met before, person who may or may not read this, I want you to know I care. I care because I hope 2024 is better for you. I’m proud of you for getting this far.

Anyways, I’m done reflecting and taking up your time. I’m going back to closing my eyes and hoping for rest.

Here’s a picture of Archie as thank you for your time:

[thisliminalspacedaydreams]

HI MAR HI HELLO

what’s some good advice you want to share?

For the ask game!!

This ask game

Hello my internet witch I hope you're well :)

SO.

My most recent lesson is that you’re going to be unpalatable for some people and it’s not something you can change people’s minds about or work on.

Sometimes things just don’t align, and it’s not always going to be obvious from the get go, and you’re going to have a lot of hope and then it’s going to be crushed and you need to be gentle with yourself.

Just because you’re not loved by everyone doesn’t mean you’re not valuable, or not worthy of love. I think it’s hard to not assimilate a rejection as a “no one loves me I’m rotten I’m awful I’m a nightmare I’m no good”, reassessing everything you’ve ever done and wondering ififififif then maybe this or ifififif I’d been more palatable then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

But this isn’t super productive? It’s good to reflect and give credit where credit’s due, you’re not always going to do good things only, and figuring out how to not do that is smart, but spiralling into madness isn’t great for your own mental health either?

And I don’t really know how to avoid this, I think it’ll happen and when it happens it’ll be shit, and you’ll eat ice cream and call your friends and ask if you’re a horrible human, and they’ll say sometimes but we love you either way, you’ll cry a lot and then try to do better for the next round.

The worst thing you can do is become jaded?

I’m a forever optimistic person. I forever hope that I’ll be understood and loved, and it doesn’t always work but when it does it’s so worth it, and I would have hated to deprive myself from this love just because some people thought I was hurtful or not worth their time.

Not everyone will think you’re a good person, and this doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.

Nor everyone is capable of being forever optimistic, but it’s what I hope for everyone anyway. Optimism has gotten me into trouble, but it’s also brought me a lot of happiness.

And by far, the good outweighs the bad.

[twstarchives]

Star Send-Off Garments・Voice Lines

● Event: Wish Upon A Star (August 28 - Sept 14, 2020) ● Exclusive Cards: Deuce, Ortho, Idia, Trey

Ortho’s outfit is called “Stargazer Gear,” instead of “Star Send-Off Garments” like the others.

Trey Clover - R

Unlock Card “I feel tense wearing the Star Send-Off garments. I suppose this is the ‘weight’ a traditional costume carries.”

Groovy “Nothing’s wrong with having a realistic wish.”

Home Setting “They’re so fluttery... These clothes don’t feel that secure.”

Home Transitions “I once used my allowance to buy my little brother a ticket to a magift game so he could live out his wish of seeing one live.”

“You think this school has too many traditional events? Haha, don’t say that. This school has been around for a very long time, so it makes sense.”

“Next, you do a... there. I can’t get lazy with practicing. I haven’t danced in front of an audience since elementary school.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “A Stargazer, huh? Since they picked me to be one, I guess... I just have to do it.”

Home Taps “I never thought I’d get picked to be a Stargazer. The Headmaster said it’s based off astrology, but... is there really no other reason?”

“It’s really hard using an oven in the hot weather. I wish all the desserts for our tea parties could be ice cream...”

“They say the puppet boy’s nose would grow every time he told a lie. You’d be in trouble if you had that kind of curse on you, wouldn’t you?”

“Ortho is so honest and loveable. But then there comes a time where he’ll switch into trying to fire his laser beam...”

“Are you looking at my tassels? They’re supposed to look like shooting stars if you do the Star Send-Off dance correctly.”

Idia Shroud - SR

Unlock Card “Right, and now we’ll officially get to be the laughing stocks of the whole school. Good job everyone.”

Groovy “Wishing upon a star, huh...? I don’t believe my dream would come true anyway.”

Home Setting “This looks like something a loud person would wear... This is torture.”

Home Transitions “My wish is to vanish from this event along with the stardust... I’m kidding; I’m going. I swear I’m really doing it!”

“I’ve made wishes on stars with Ortho before, for things like having all the candy I want, or playing games as much as I want. How innocent this humble otaku was back then!”

“Sir Trey is so calm and mature. Well, sure he looks like that, but I dunno what he’s thinking deep down.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “I’m a... Stargazer...? Nonononono! Absolutely not, please!”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Could you take my place for me? I'm sure even someone of your caliber could handle banging a drum! ...Huh? ...Are you mad?”

Home Taps “There’s no way a wooden puppet could turn into a real human. Miracles only happen in fairy-tales for plot convenience.”

“S-Stop looking so curiously at me... I mean, I know these stick out compared to my usual clothes, but still.”

“Look at this traditional costume. It’s got all kinds of stars all over it! You can see how people in the old days were drawn so badly to space.”

“So, collecting Wishing Stars... Having to talk to everyone has been an impossible mission from the start. I’m tired.”

“Hey, you know... If you have enough time to keep annoying me, maybe you should be a Stargazer in my place.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Hah? You want to post a picture of me looking like this on Magicam? It’ll just be sad without anyone reacting to it, so forget it.”

Ortho Shroud - SR

Unlock Card “I am calculating the optimal route for increasing the possibility of our wishes coming true.”

Groovy “Above the clouds, at the ends of the universe... I can fly anywhere at all!”

Home Setting “Now initiating preparations to break through the atmosphere.”

Home Transitions “You know, Big Brother and I used to count stars together in the past! Should I tell you how many stars there are?”

“I heard the puppet who came to life went on a big adventure that led him all the way to a whale’s stomach. I wish I had an attachment that would let me go underwater~”

“The number of trials you do is important when analyzing data. Deuce Spade told me it’s important to always think about your wishes too!”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Part change complete. I will now begin to operate from my attachment designed for breaking through the atmosphere, the Stargazer Gear.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “I wonder what everyone wished for… Would your wish be to go back to your original world?”

Home Taps “The Stargazer Gear was created with powerful heat-resistant material, so I’m able to get past the atmosphere without damaging my body.”

“It’s too bad Big Brother didn’t have one of the dancing roles. He’s always yelling and dancing around his room while looking at his tablet!”

“In the past, the alignment of the stars was considered very significant. Is that kind of like what they call horoscopes nowadays?”

“This gear is decorated with lots of stars! It looks just like everyone’s Star Send-Off garments, doesn’t it?”

“Request approved. Now launching a beam to obliterate space debris. 5... 4... 3... Hehe, just kidding!”

Home Tap (Groovy) “I might even be able to take you to the ends of the night sky! Don’t be shy! Ah... But it might be too dangerous for living people.”

Deuce Spade - SSR

Unlock Card “Wish upon a star... And trust that your dream will someday come true.”

“I’m going to try my hardest at every event we have. ‘Cause I’m striving to be an honors student!”

Groovy “Since I was given the important role of being a Stargazer, I have to take the responsibility to carry this out!”

Home Setting “Shah! I’m gonna make the Star Send-Off a success!”

Home Transitions “The puppet boy got himself into a horrible mess when he tried skipping school. Maybe you should tell this folk tale to Grim.”

“The Star Send-Off garments aren’t embarrassing to me, but I have one problem with them. The ends... are so easy to step on. It’s dangerous.”

“I keep stumbling over my feet when I practice the dance! And here I thought I had good reflexes...”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Have you been collecting Wishing Stars over there? Come let me know if you ever run into trouble.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “My dreams for the future... I’m definitely going to make them come true someday. So when that happens, come celebrate with me!”

Home Taps “Shroud’s vocabulary is full of words I’ve never heard before. Are they all technical PC terms?”

“I used to make wishes with my mom when I was in elementary school. This brings me back.”

“I heard my birthday is the luckiest day of the year this year. That’s why they gave me fancier accessories than my seniors.”

“All stars look the same to me, so I’m bad at astrology... What? ‘I’m also bad at all my other subjects’? Kgh...”

“Don’t come near me! ...When I was practicing my dance just now, I accidentally hit Clover and knocked him over...”

Home Tap (Groovy) “It's just childish to think that working hard is something to be ashamed of. If anyone tries to make fun of you for it, don’t listen to them.”

Duo Magic Deuce: Let’s actually start going now, Shroud! Idia: You don’t have to tell me, Deuce. I was already planning on it!

[arysthaeniru]

aAAA the joy of seeing an update on your current favorite fanfic is just aAAA

I always felt that kiwami 1s Nishiki was just a bit too,, I dont know how to describe it; but essentially he just felt off, granted yakuza 1 is a product of its time and therefore the plot is a bit dated and whack as all hell

The way you write Nishiki just feels so much better and realistic; in the original he just seems so uncaring towards Kiryu? which just feels kinda OOC? You'd think he still cares about Kiryu despite it all, especially when you take Yakuza 0 into consideration; and i feel like you portray Nishiki much more accurately

I never thought much about Yumi, because honestly, in the original she was kinda just, there? You actually made her a very interesting person! like I'm actually invested in her in your story! (side note you ever think about her clone who got tortued and died? yeah who WAS that???? thats never brought up is it??)

Theres so much more to talk about but in short; This is the best fix it/rewrite of a game plot I have read to date and it brings me joy in my current stressful school life. and no I will not stop praising it or the author, because this work has made me very happy. ;)

I just have a gift for picking favorites that end up dying,,aand another favorite of mine is Mine

imo theres a lack of soft, reassuring Minedai, i just feel like he'd need a reminder that people love him as a person and not just for the money he can provide, even if its obvious

I'd love to see how you'd write them, but I understand if theres more interesting/appealing drabble requests!

- Carp

CARP, thank you for this <3 this is so sweet!!!!! I’m so happy you enjoy my Nishiki! I had fun playing with what Yakuza 0/the Kiwami additions gave us about Nishiki’s personality and outlook on the world, and trying to reconcile that with the plot that Yakuza 1 initially had. Ultimately, I fell on the side that you did: even if Nishiki’s ambition took him down a monstrous path, I don’t think he’s the sort of person who neglects to pay back his debts. And he’s aware of the huge debt he owes Kiryu. Not to mention, their bonds of trust and love vanishing completely because of jealousy felt unreal to me. Their relationship becoming twisted or strange? Yes, but vanishing entirely felt unsatsifying to me. 

And Yumi!! I had so much fun excavating her character from the clues we get of her in canon. I worry sometimes, that she’s unrecognizable, because you know, I’ve given her a college education, and a whole bunch of interests beyond hostessing alone, but people seem to like it and like her, which is great!! I hate fridging women characters, so keeping her and Reina alive was important to me, hahaha. (RE: fake!Mizuki, there’s this substory in Kiwami that actually addresses who she was, BUT IT’S EVEN MORE HORRIFYING. So that’s why Yumi in my fic is the one captured and tortured by Nishiki’s men, because the thought of this poor innocent woman getting dragged into the mess was just untenable to me.)  

Anyway, thank you for your support and kind words, and I hope you’ll continue to read and that my fic can continue to relieve stress. I--tried to write this about Mine, but Daigo kind of stole the spotlight a little??? I hope you still like it--if not, I will try a ficlet from Mine’s perspective too. I enjoy minedai a lot, but I haven’t had room to think out their dynamic yet, so this took me a while. 

Daigo’s no stranger to being desired. He’s attractive, he knows this—his mother’s beauty lives in his veins, and he’s always had the money to look after himself. Fancy soaps to wash his face, the invisible retainers to keep his teeth straight, fancy suits and skin-tight shirts to show off his frame. For all that Kiryu insists his charisma is something that comes from the soul, Daigo knows it wouldn’t be able to draw the sort of attention he does without being attractive.

Which is to say that Daigo’s not especially thrown off by the intensity of Mine’s gaze. It’s happened before, and it’ll happen again. The thing that surprises him is how much he relishes in being seen by Mine.

Maybe it’s because Mine’s an island in a stormy sea, one of the only yakuza his age who’s sensible and level-headed enough to make it big. Maybe it’s because Mine’s gaze is always so reserved, polite, never overly lusty or overstaying its welcome, and Daigo has so rarely been desired so quietly. Or maybe it’s because Majima and Kashiwagi so clearly disapprove of him—Daigo’s always been something of a rebel, and he hasn’t shaken that off, even now he’s in his thirties and is the arbiter of rules for the Tojo Clan.

Daigo can’t quite put a pin on why he’s so comfortable with Mine’s yearning looks, but he’s never been one to hold back when he wants to indulge in something good. Not exactly a hedonist, not by yakuza standards, but Daigo has never kept himself from enjoying life, in the name of some dubious ‘honour.’

Which is why, in an after-hours meeting with Mine, as they eat cheap takeout sushi together, Daigo takes his chance. A momentary slip, the slightest hint of wasabi left at the corners of Mine’s lips and Daigo swoops in, rubs a thumb over the corner of Mine’s lips. Mine stutters to a stop, mid-sentence through a rundown of the real-estate that the Hakuho Clan’s been purchasing up, and stares at Daigo, eyes bewildered.

“Sixth Chairman?” he asks, his voice still remarkably composed.

“Wasabi.” Daigo says, nonchalantly, as if it’s nothing, and sticks his thumb into his mouth, slowly licking it off with a lingering lave of his tongue. He feels a sharp stab of satisfaction as Mine’s eyes turn darker, and his gaze follows Daigo’s hand down.  

Daigo straightens up, languidly, and cracks his neck, casually. At this point in the day, he’s untucked his shirt, and he knows that a slight strip of his stomach will be visible when he stretches out his arms towards the ceiling. And as predictably as clockwork, Mine’s gaze darts downwards, to that pale expanse, to catch that brief second of skin. Daigo can’t help but feel warm. Something about being watched by Mine is exhilarating.

“Smoke?” offers Daigo, but as usual, Mine refuses, with a polite shake of his head.

Daigo knows from hearsay that Mine’s something a health-freak, so he’s not entirely surprised. It’s already too late for Daigo to preserve his health—he knows that his liver’s already been pretty ruined from long nights of binge-drinking as a youth, and this job’s too stressful to withhold from vices like smoking and drinking, without an optimal end-goal. So he walks over to the window, cracks it open a little, and lights up.

The breath of nicotine curls over his body, a tender caress, and Daigo feels his shoulders drop, as the relaxation hits. He pulls off his cufflinks, tosses them into his pockets and rolls up his sleeves. He takes it slow, runs his fingers over his skin a little more than strictly necessary. Surreptitiously checking the reflection in the window, Daigo watches Mine watch him, and smirks at how intense that gaze is, how Mine’s mouth has opened, and Daigo can just see the soft pink of his tongue.

“Dojima’s just fine, you know. When it’s just us two.” Daigo says, turning over his shoulder. He smiles, one of those charming smiles that had always gotten him whatever he wanted as a child, “We’re same-aged friends, after all.”

“Dojima-san.” Mine acknowledges, after a brief pause.

Daigo turns around, to properly look at Mine and lifts an eyebrow. “Dojima. Or Daigo, preferably. Dojima-san’s always my father in my head.”

Mine nods, face impassive. Daigo can’t read him like this. Maybe that’s why he likes when Mine stares at him, filled with longing. At least then, Daigo feels like he knows him. In moments like these, his implacable gazes might as well be a brick wall. “Right. Your Father was also in the Tojo Clan.”

Daigo smiles, wryly, and blows out a puff of smoke. “One of the most horrible men I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting—and I had to call him Father. But damn if he wasn’t good at the job.” He sighs and stubs the cigarette out against the ashtray. “...sometimes feel like I’m competing with his dead spirit. Everybody’s looking at me and wondering if this is what my Father would do. Or what Kiryu-san would do.”

“You’re doing better than any of them.” Mine says, immediately, with a vicious ferocity that Daigo wasn’t expecting. He can’t quite stop his eyebrows rising in surprise, and Mine straightens upwards, looking self-conscious immediately. Daigo regrets his instinctual reaction, immediately. “That is to say, Dojima, that I think that you’ve pulled this Clan into somewhere far more respectable. From what I’ve heard of your Father, he didn’t have the temperament to do proper business on this level—too insistent on formal obeisance and unable to be flexible as the times require. And Kiryu-san might be very honourable, but we are yakuza. There are certain things you have to do as a Chairman, that he couldn’t bring himself to do. But you are practical and do what is necessary, while also not overstepping into excessive violence. You are uniquely suited for this job, Dojima.”

...he’s taken aback a little, he can’t deny it. Daigo wonders if his cheeks are colouring, wonders if his obvious shock is offputting, wonders if this is how Mine feels every time Daigo teases him lightly about his obvious attraction. A startling warmth spreads through his chest, and Daigo can’t stop the slight smile that touches his face. Has anybody ever said something so unreservedly kind and measured about Daigo before?

Maybe this is the difference between everybody else’s gazes on him, and Mine’s gaze. It’s based on something more than desire alone. Respect.

Daigo runs a hand over his slicked-back hair and ruffles it free, with a rueful smile, a smile that he couldn’t take away from his face, even if he tried. “I appreciate that. You know I couldn’t do it without you, right?”

He’d never really believed himself capable of attraction to a man like Mine. All of his previous childhood crushes had been on bright, cheerful conversational, pure-hearted people. Daigo had always figured they would balance out his sardonic cynicism. He’d never thought someone as reserved and principled as Mine would ever make his heart flutter. But then, there was something about that deep hunger and passion that Daigo craved. Perhaps it was because he was no longer the gloomy punk of his youth. Maybe his tastes have changed towards tall, dark and handsome. Maybe Mine’s just that special.

“Dojima—” Mine says, clearly trying to refute it, but Daigo cuts him off.

“I mean it. Everybody in this fucking Clan wants me to do something or be somebody else. Kashiwagi-san wants me to be my mother. Majima-san wants me to be Kiryu-san. Everybody else expects my Father. But not you. You deal with me honestly, and with candour, and never hold any expectations against me except success. I appreciate your faith in me.” Daigo takes a couple of steps forward, until his shoes almost brush up against Mine’s own. He leans down over Mine’s chair. “I could not do this without your backing and help. Truly. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone like you in my life. A true friend.”

Mine tilts his chin up to meet Daigo’s gaze, a hungry devotion in his eyes, and Daigo, for a moment, wonders if this is wrong. If he should hold back, like Kiryu would. But Daigo is Daigo, and Mine clearly wants him anyway, so he leans down and kisses him.

Mine’s mouth is velvety smooth and wet and hot and it is oh-so satisfying a feeling to put his hand against Mine’s broad neck and feel his warmth up against Daigo. He pulls back, with a satisfied sigh, and feels the burn of wasabi across his lips, a final parting kick.

[degenerate-yandere]

Maybe some Yandere Mirio headcanons?

For my himbo husband? Certainly. Just for context, I’m imagining Mirio as an adult pro hero, and his darling as a civilian.

TW: Mild NSFW, yandere, stalking, kidnapping, mentions of physical and sexual assault

It’s pretty safe to assume that Mirio falls under the delusional-protective category; he views his darling as something that he must protect and care for at all costs, lest his integrity as a hero, and a man, waver. You’re just so pretty, and perfect, and you drive him absolutely crazy. 

Your first meeting is so romantic; you’ll be hopelessly cornered by some hack villain, only for the Lemillion to come to your aid. He’ll be jovial as he causes the assailant to crumple to the floor with a singular strike, his face beaming with his usual optimism as he crouches down beside you to assess your condition. Mirio will surprise himself as his smile falters, his heart-rate accelerating as he looks at your shaking self. You’re absolutely beautiful, so vulnerable and weak. When he sees those tears trailing down your cheeks, he’s faced with the overwhelming urge to kiss them away. When you realize he’s your savior, you’ll bury yourself in his broad chest and stammer your eternal gratitude between choked sobs. Mirio thinks he might die. He’s so light-headed, his cheeks are flaming and his breath is erratic. You might be a bit suprised when he hauls you into his strong arms, repeating reassurances as he grins;

“It’s okay, little guy! I won’t let anyone hurt you!”

Needless to say, he’ll be totally infatuated. A delicate thing like you clearly can’t take care of yourself, which is why it’s his personal duty to see you’re kept safe and sound. That’s why he spends his free time trailing you around, and phasing through your walls to watch you sleep at night; for your safety, of course.

Mirio will get a little too excited imagining you and your frail little body, so simple for someone like him to break. Just the thought of you trapped against his muscled physique makes him feel so strong; absolutely powerful. He’ll touch himself, imagining it’s your hands running across his body. It goes without saying that he never lasts very long afterwards. His pleasure will increase tenfold when he does it in your room as you’re sleeping; completely at his mercy if he wanted to harm you - Not that he would, of course! He’s a hero after all, right?

You’ll often find yourself running into the pro hero, always courteous and eager to make conversation with a mere civilian like you. He’s kind, and his optimism and bubbly demeanor never fails to be refreshing. He loves to brag about his recent successes, so eager for your praise and adoration. Although at first you might be a little starstruck, you’ll soon begin to relax and authentically enjoy Mirio’s company. It is a little odd that he always seems to know where you are and where you’re headed, but it’s hard to think there’s any maliciousness behind that innocent face.

Your encounters with Lemillion will steadily increase, to the point where his presence is a little overbearing. He’ll insist on helping you with mundane activities that you ensure him you’re capable of doing on your own. To your frustration, he’ll just chuckle and do it anyway. Mirio is adamant on walking you home regularly. It’ll get to the point where his insistent coddling makes you blatantly uncomfortable, but what are you supposed to do? This was the man who saved your life with a smile on his face. You won’t speak out, simply because of how indebted you feel, which makes it nice and easy for him to plant himself right into your life.

Your friends and family might even decide to vocalize their discomfort about the man that looms over you like a shadow, seemingly obsessed with having you under his gaze. You’ll try to ease the doubt of whoever it is.

 “He’s very sweet, I promise. He’s just concerned about me, that’s all. I should be thankful. He’s this big-shot hero worried about a nobody like me.” Little to your knowledge, a head phased through a wall just out of sight listens to every word of your conversation. Mirio will be very happy with your response, less so with the meddling interloper. He’s obviously trying to protect you, isn’t it clear? He’ll come to the conclusion that if someone is so opposed to him keeping you safe, they obviously want to cause you harm. He can’t let that happen.

Expect that individual to disappear for awhile. When you finally run into them again, they’ll look a little worse for wear to say the least. They’ll stumble away from you, yelling at you to stay away from them.

A particularly dangerous event, or simply a lack of patience, will eventually incite Mirio to kidnap you. He’ll be completely deaf to your tears, and screams, and pleas to ‘just let you go’. Now why would he do that? Just so you could run off and get hurt? With his raw strength, it’s easy for him to just hold you against his chest and wait out your little tantrum, humming softly as you sob.

Expect suffocating levels of affection. He loves to trap cuddle you, nuzzling into your neck as he talks about his day. He’ll force you upon his lap, pointing out his appearances in the news with a giddy smile on his face. aren’t you proud of your hero?

If you’re ever acting a bit too defiant for his liking, he’ll pin you down; meticulously pointing out all the horrible things a villain would do if they ever found you. With excruciating detail, he’ll trace a calloused finger down your thigh as he describes how easy it would be to break your little legs. His grasp on your wrist will tighten, displaying just how simple it would be to do so with his physical power. He’ll do all of this with that same stupid grin plastered across his face.

“That’s why you need me to keep you safe, honey!”

The worst part of this entire ordeal? The distinct throbbing protrusion bucking against your hips.

[itsnothingofinterest]

Means Vs Ends: Heroes Vs Villains

You know one of the things I find the most interesting about Hero Aca is that; while the series tends to pretend it’s conflict as very black vs white, the reality is that it’s actually largely grey vs grey (vs white). I’m sure more than a few people would argue that it isn’t, but I think the fact that they wouldn't all then be able to then agree which are the good & bad sides, is probably compelling enough evidence to my point. So I wanted to write up an analysis of the current moral situation. But first; a brief tangent on the direction I’m tackling this from.

The saying goes “The ends justify the means.” And while that’s usually brought up in media where that turns out to be BS excuse, I’d say that the truth is that it varies in a case by case basis. When that saying is brought up, we’re meant to weigh the ends to the means and see which is more...significant, for lack of a better word.

So that’s the direction that I’ll be be tackling the conflict between the Pro heroes and the PLF from, because I think it really highlights the complexities that have emerged between the two. Put simply: the heroes have more pure means, but the villains have the superior ends; although despite these points, neither side ends up looking good in a vacuum. So I thought I’d analyze and weigh them against each other.

The basics of the argument are as such: the heroes, at least the adult pro heroes and their government directors, have little in the way of ends because they’re just protecting the status quo, but conversely have no means to justify because they; follow the laws, act by the book, and generally act as the good guys. There’s almost nothing to talk about with them. (Well...that’s how it’s supposed to work anyway.) The PLF meanwhile have far more extreme means, mostly murder but it’s a lot of murder, but seem to have better ends by a mile to justify them.

“But that’s not right,” you may say, “isn’t Tomura trying to destroy everything?” And there is merit to that point; but the truth is that the destruction he talks about is his means, not the PLF’s ends. It used to be his ends, but Tomura intends for there to be more than enough of japan/the world leftover for his allies to make the world they’re after. He doesn’t see any value in the world itself, it frankly pisses him off, but he does see value in his allies & followers and wants them to get what they want. And depending on how many allies you count (juries still out on how he feels for the former MLA), what they want is a plethora of human rights improvements, accountability laid at corrupt powers, & the removal of most all the BS in the world people don’t really deal with because “it just is that way��. Like I said, better ends by a mile.

It feels like some people don’t get that part too much, so I thought I’d spell it out.

However, just because I believe the world they intend to make is a potentially good one doesn’t mean I’d ignore the fact that their plan to see that world to fruition would be horrible. They’ve never really minced words, they’re not bringing about those human rights improvements through protests, they’re bringing about their societal upheaval by means of a massive attack on their own country.

We don’t know many specifics, so we don’t know how many civilian casualties we can expect; it could be very few or it could be an unfathomable figure. Civilians/civilian casualties are hardly the PLF’s target by any means, but it’s ambiguous at best if they really care to minimize those numbers. In that way, it’s hard to weigh those ambiguous numbers against the Touya Todorokis, Himiko Togas, and Jin Bubaigawaras they would be potentially saving.

We do, however, know that they intend to destroy hero society and take over the country; and that would account for quite a few non-civilian casualties, if potentially minimized casualties if they take prisoners or accept surrenders. (Maybe wishful thinking, but I cannot state enough how little we know about their plans & policies.) If I had to estimate, I think we could guess the total to be somewhere in the 4-to-8 digit range and still be in reasonable optimism & pessimism ranges.

(I’m also not sure if we should include the Nomus here too. There’s a stark difference between the PLF & AFO’s former empire by this point, and it’s not like they’ve been asking for Nomu to be made. But on the other hand, they’ve never had problems using them. Eh, include with the PLF’s means at your own discretion I guess.)

So those are the PLF’s means, but what about the heroes’ means? I did hint earlier that those were worse than they should be; heroes murdering villains based on their own justifications, bringing in child soldiers to boost their numbers against a large scale threat, the immense crime against humanity that is Tartarus and how it’s used. And speaking of, there’s the matter of the ~110,000 individuals the heroes are currently fighting that have all committed the Tartarus-worthy offense of...associating with the League and attacking heroes (just ask Kurogiri), and thus would all receive sentences in the ball park of the death sentence. It’s pretty bad actually. Frankly, it doesn’t seem like either side’s means justify their own ends.

But if the PLF’s means are so terrible, doesn’t that mean the heroes are definitely justified in whatever actions they take? Their ends are saving all of those potential casualties I just mentioned, right?

Well it’s not that simple, because what we’re doing there is adding the villains’ means to the heroes ends; and to do that, you have to go all the way: Add the heroes’ means to the villains’ ends & vice versa; what one side seeks to accomplish the other must deem an acceptable sacrifice, and what crimes one side commits/seeks to commit justifies the actions of the other. In short; if the actions the villains take or plan to take justify action against them, the same must be true for the heroes.

And at last we come to the major moral quandary of this post, and the deciding factor of whether the PLF can be considered some measure of justified, or if they’re still villains through and through:

Are the heroes justified in all these moral failures, ranging from murders to Tartarus, & in getting in the way of the human rights the PLF are after in order to save the lives endangered by the PLF? Or are the PLF justified in their sacrifices of human lives in order to bring about their brighter future and standing up to the crimes of hero society?

...Frankly I have no clue. That is a question involving; arguing safety and order vs human rights and freedom, comparing crimes against humanity against each other, & weighing way too many human lives for me to feel comfortable making a judgement call even if we did know how many lives we were weighing.

About the only thing I can say for sure is that the only truly good side is probably the hero students; who aren’t knowingly doing anything wrong and are genuinely just trying to help. And as thanks they’re being used & manipulated by one side by being thrown at the other in hopes that it’ll boost their chances and maybe be good PR if they win. Man, I feel bad for them.

[agentrouka-blog]

Though your speculation on Jonsa are thought provoking and well-written I have to say they are also pretty sad. It makes me wonder. What kind of endgame do you see for Jonsa? Bael the Bard like ending the show did plus a Jonsa bastard. Or Jonsa married as Lord and Lady of Winterfell with multiple children?

 75% convinced we’ll get the optimal Stark restoration, Jon and Sansa will rebuild Winterfell, have plentiful babies in proper wedlock. 

What I don’t think will happen: Bael the Bard, as in exiled Jon steals into Winterfell to father a bastard child he then takes little to no part in raising. Sansa doesn’t need some Targaryen prince’s by-blow for that, nor does she need Jon’s Stark genes: she has her own. The point of Jon and Sansa having children together would be so they could be good parents together, the way we know they can be. Jon’s a good teacher, Sansa is a persuasive caretaker. Both WANT children to raise. Horrible parenting, horrible family dynamics are a massive aspect of the book series. The positive effect of Ned and Catelyn’s love for their children and their good example (as in, their children observing how they live and recalling that, gaining strength from it) is one of the biggest advantages that the Starklings have. Remove Jon’s parenting, and his sperm is basically inconsequential. Know what I mean? I don’t think this will happen. That’s not bittersweet, that’s just bitter, especially for Jon. He doesn’t want to father a bastard. Not just because it’s so harsh to bear the surname Snow. He wants a family.  There is utterly zero reason to assume he would WANT to father a bastard on Sansa if he has no part in raising it. That’s a painful scenario!

Then there are the 25% of me thinking it could literally be anything else: A tragic romance, a “sad song” like the ones Sansa loved as a girl, unfulfilled. Separated, never to be properly united. Some strange part-time relationship. Single-mom Sansa. One of them dies. They stop loving each other and move on with other people. Anything. Any of that boring stuff.

But I really really really don’t think that GRRM is aiming for that sort of ending. While he may describe himself as a romantic, in the melancholy literary sense, being more fascinated by a sunset than by a sunrise, I don’t think he is a nihilist. Not by a long shot. And that sort of ending would be a bit nihilistic: “No one will ever marry me for love” - check. “Jon Snow, bastard and oathbreaker, motherless, friendless, and damned” - check. Their private fears and murdered dreams, to which they had already resigned themselves, anyway, in fact happen exactly that way. Boy howdy, am I ever glad I spent seven books working up to that tepid ending. Not.  

Plus, he’s constantly piping up these days about how terrible conditions in Westeros will be in TWOW. We also know that Dany will rain down an inferno on hundreds of thousands of human beings. Famine. Displacement. Illness. Chaos. So. I think he’s already piling plenty of bitter onto the plate. Unless he goes full-on tragic (”They both die, rose bushes grow out of their graves, entwining like a lover’s embrace” kind of stuff), and he leaves it to Arya to carry on the Stark name entirely, he won’t be doing the high stakes any justice. A washed out ending like with exile and separation and unresolved emotions would be anti-climactic as all hell. Go hard or go home, GRRM. It’s either a happy ending or a tragic ending but not a boring one.

My current personal suspicion: It’ll look like it’s going to be horrible or tepid and boring, but then we’ll get something surprisingly sweet. Like when Jaime suddenly wheels around to rescue Brienne. Just sort of a “choose life” line of energy that would translate into the life-affirming power of spring. I really do believe that we will get that for the two of them. 

[onlysmagic]

🌌  ———  MEET CORDELIA .

hey hey hey! it's me, honey, back again. i've miss everyone so very much. how have you all been? good, i hope. for the time being, i'll be playing sweet cordy again ( nothing new  . . . nothing's changed . . . still the same old cordy! ) but noah could be coming back soon ~* and maybe some new muses *~ ooOOoOOh. as always, hit the heart for a new old friend and i'll im you to get the party started!

cordy’s stats 🌌 cordy’s wanted connections 🌌 cordy’s pinboard

thanks again for an incredibly warm welcome back! i've missed you all terribly!

🌌 —  THE STATS .

FULL   NAME *    . CORDELIA AMI WANTANABE . NICKNAMES *    CODY   ,   DELIA   ,   CORDY . AGE *    TWENTY-FOUR . DATE   OF   BIRTH *    APRIL   3RD   1996 . STAR   SIGN *    ARIES . HOME   TOWN *    NARA   ,   KANSAI   ,   JAPAN . GENDER *    CIS FEMALE . SEXUALITY *    (   CLOSETED   )   BISEXUAL . NATIONALITY *    JAPANESE . ETHNICITY *    ASIAN . FAMILY *    WANTANABE   TSUYOSHI   (   FATHER   ,   MAINTENANCE   WORKER   -   JAPANESE   )   &   WANTANABE   AMI   -   FORMERLY   ITO   (   MOTHER   ,   FLORIST   -   JAPANESE-CANADIAN   ) . OCCUPATION *   UNEMPLOYED . PLAYLIST *   COMING   SOON .  QUIRK *    STELLARKINESIS   ,   OR   THE   ABILITY   TO   CREATE   AND / OR   MANIPULATE   STARS   AND   USE   THEIR   STELLAR   ENERGY  . 

🌌 —  THE STORY.

           ONCE UPON A TIME , IN A FAR-AWAY LAND known as nara , an ordinary girl is born to two parents who love her ( but cannot seem to love themselves. ) they name her cordelia and, from a young age, there was always something a little . . . off about their sweet girl. now, many parents would claim that their child glows & a light seems to follow them wherever they wander, but the wantanabes would be right.

           it isn’t until the young girl turns 10 that she realizes that no, not everyone can bend space and time to their own whim. not everyone sees the universe as a malleable thing, able to be crafted in one’s own image should they wish. in fact, she is the only one she knows who can do anything of the sort. okay, her dad has superhuman-like strength ( in that he can help her open bottles and things of that sort ) and her mother is incredibly quick-witted, but neither of them can conjure hot balls of gas and light whenever they wish. cordelia can. it’s her mother’s idea to keep it a secret, out of fear that someone could find the young girl and exile her for being so . . . different. delia doesn’t see the harm in it. what’s the worst that can happen? at that age, all she tended to do was bring a bit of starlight to the light-polluted nara and its surrounding areas. it wasn’t like she was dangerous in her mind, it’s all fun and games . . . until someone gets hurt.

           and who should get hurt? why, her beloved parents, of course. a freak accident ( a rush, a blur, not knowing where her powers could take her. ) cordelia was swallowed whole by the guilt of seeing both of her parents in the hospital, doctors whizzing around them while not knowing what in the world had gotten to either of them. they couldn’t for the life of them guess; most thought lightning had something to do with it. if they only knew it was the little girl sitting at each of their bedsides, hot tears streaming down her cheeks.

           they both eventually got to go home -- becoming known around nara as the lightning couple, due to the belief that they both were struck by lightning, despite the outlandish odds -- but cordy knew that she wouldn’t be able to go home with them. she would never forgive herself if something worse ( and there wasn’t much worse that could happen to either of them ) so she found hosu and ran, ran, ran. of course, when she arrived safe and sound, she wrote to her parents, but she’s broken inside knowing that, well, it has to be this way. it’s breaking them all, but it has to be this way.

🌌 —  WELCOME TO THE ISLE.

          THE BROWN-EYED girl shows up on the island shaking. she'd never done anything so brash before, yet, here she was, so many miles away from everything she'd ever known and with nothing to her name . . . nothing other than that stupid quirk she'd been all but cursed with.

          stupid stars. stupid light. stupid gas. stupid universe.

          . . . so what if she's not exactly eloquent, she's too angry to care. what a wicked way to go, but cordelia figures it's better her than her parents. they do forgive her, eventually, but it takes quite a few conversations that last hours upon hours and some good, old fashion groveling. afraid of growing so close to someone that she can hurt them again, cordelia becomes a master of being seen and not heard; it's easier to not be missed if no one really knows you, after all.

          but it's incredibly lonely. living by a rule that an eleven-year-old version of herself created is becoming harder and harder with each passing day, especially when she starts having to lie to mom and dad when they ask about her friends ( cordelia never did like that sad sounding sigh that would always come across the line. ) so she creates these fanciful friends and their fantastic adventures across the isle. they all have their own quirks but they learn to live with them, learn to love them and, by extension, themselves. yeah, it sounds something out of a coming-of-age film that cordelia would probably love . . . but what her parents don't know won't hurt them.

          but it'll end up hurting cordelia. karma's been chasing not too far behind with its sight set on her and, one day, it finally gets her. a horrible accident, her mother exclaimed, so much blood and just -- what, what is going on? cordelia's heart was in her throat and she wanted to scream until she broke the sound barrier. she nearly went supernova ( quite literally, too. it took everything in her not to explode right then and there. ) her father was hit by some punk drunk driver and was announced dead on arrival . . . what? why would the universe do such a thing? why would those stupid stars that everyone swore by decide to take such an inherently good person away?

          it wasn't fair. cordelia fell into a deep deep depression. the stars didn't shine nearly as brightly as they once did ( there was no one to create new galaxies for anymore. ) every night, she'd watch the stars she'd created for her father, her mother, the old friends she knew in nara, die slow deaths. soon, there would be nothing left in the world with her namesake on it and cordelia, all at once, found that to be a crying shame. call it her father's optimism finally rubbing off on her, or just simply finding it hard to keep lying to her now-widowed mother.

          she was going to find some friends . . . anyhow, anyway. if karma, the stars, the government, anything or everything was keeping an eye on her, she’d at least give them a worthwhile show.

🌌 —  PERSONALITY TRAITS.

POSITIVE : appropriate, brave, balanced, sugary, polite, organized, practical.

NEGATIVE : co-dependent, stuffy, standoffish, aloof, lethal, anti-social, incapable, dishonest.

LABEL : the doll . . . beautiful but fragile / untouchable.

EASTERN ZODIAC SIGN : THE RAT . . . a clever, quick thinker; successful, but content with living a quiet and peaceful life.

WESTERN ZODIAC SIGN : ARIES / THE RAM . . . a fire sign.  a passionate, motivated, and confident leader who builds community with their cheerful disposition and relentless determination. uncomplicated and direct in their approach, they often get frustrated by exhaustive details and unnecessary nuances.

PERSONALITY TYPE : INTJ / THE ARCHITECT . . . highly analytical, creative and logical.

🌌 —  THE CONNECTION IDEAS .

AURIGA / THE CHARIOTEER  . . . you and cordelia live in the same building. you have the ( un ) fortune of living above her, and in the middle of the night, you awaken to so many odd noises. when you look outside your window, you see her in the middle of the field painting the night sky with thousands of sparkling lights. stars . . . and so many of them! maybe you like them, maybe you ask her to spell out a swear word in the sky, or maybe you just want to sleep.

CASSIOPEIA - THE QUEEN  . . . cordelia rubs you the wrong way. that emotionless void of a girl has gotten on your last nerve and you are going to show her. how? you're not sure yet, but she will rue the day she ever crossed you. wait, what do you mean she's not that bad? that's not fair! you're supposed to hate her . . . wait, did you ever?

CYGNUS - THE SWAN . . . you fell for a vision. no, literally, a vision. they say you only dream up faces you've seen in real life, and for some reason, cordelia is that face. maybe she visits you in dreams and messes with your head, or maybe she's that serial killer who runs after you down the never-ending hallway with a knife in her hand and a smile on her face. how do you deal with seeing her . . . all the time?

GEMINI - THE TWINS . . . something happened and you were both in a tough situation, with cordelia being in the tougher of the two. you two strike a deal to help one another, but you tell her that she owes you. whatever she owes you, that's the deal ( please don't be weird about it tho ) and, for as long as you'd like, she can run around and do your errands for you, tell everyone your blunt opinion of them ( she's pretty good at that ) or just have to listen to you sing the entire aladdin soundtrack over and over again at 3 am. your call.

LYRA - THE LYRE . . . cordelia's never been the type to truly understand people. she always thought that it was because she was so sheltered growing up, really choosing to spend her time with her parents and a select friends from school. however, as she's grown up, she's come to learn that she does want to understand people . . . she just can't. not for trying, but she's too blunt, too sardonic, too -- cordelia. which is why she enlists your help. you're the golden child and she'd like a little bit of that sparkle to shine on her, thank you very much.

ORION - THE HUNTER . . . call it fate, destiny, whatever you will -- something brought you and cordelia together for a fun summer romance. however, now that summer’s melted into fall and everything is getting colder, so did your romance. you broke it off in a way that you thought was amicable but cordelia would be quick to disagree with. she doesn’t want you back, per say, but she does wish that she could have had better closure than a single text message . . . then again, she wasn’t exactly an angel in the relationship either. after she drops off one of your hoodies, you find a crumpled up note stuck in the pocket of someone confessing their love for cordelia . . . during your relationship. seriously, it includes your name and everything! do you confront her, or do you try and get the pair together?

URSA MAJOR - THE BIG BEAR . . . she didn’t mean to, honestly !! you just so happened to be hit by that star and, oh god, it’s like the entire ordeal with her parents all over again. only except she doesn’t really know you. every day during your stint in the hospital, you receive a bouquet of beautiful flowers -- maybe they’re your favorites or maybe they’re the type you cannot stand -- with the same note. i’m sorry. you figure it isn’t from anyone you know; it can’t be, can it? on your second-to-last day, the apologetic message is accompanied by an address and a little, scratchy handwritten note asking to meet someone there. against your better judgement you do, but no one is there . . . until you look up in the sky to see an incredible array of different-colored gasses ,you’ve never seen a nebula up close, save for photographs. a tall, black-haired girl walks beside you and begins to explain that she did not mean to hit you with a shooting star. she was simply practicing but her aim isn’t where it needs to be. do you believe this girl, or run as far as you can away from her?

[worryingthing]

Hello, back again with more cards. It’s late August and everything feels bad. Pulling cards feels like a trick I try to do to get myself to think and articulate my feelings, and that’s all it’s for. I tried to scroll through tumblr but I can’t remember what being on this platform is supposed to be like anymore, even though for so long it was a huge part of my life. It just slipped away like so many other things. It also feels bad to sit at my desk, to type, to have the length of my forearm pressing into the desk so I can type. I haven’t been sitting at a desk for the months of homestay and have barely touched my computer. I’m noticing I’m barely able to read text without hunching forward, without my glasses I mean. I have looked up so so many laptop stands and found nothing that is to my liking. I’d like to raise the computer a ltitle to see better, I’d also like a better angle for zooms and discord video chats, etc. 

Anyway, I put the tin of cards on my desk, which has so little space and is totally cluttered over with things, and one card fell out and the second I pulled out of the deck while shuffling. The card that fell was the 8 or swords, the card I pulled was the 7 of swords reversed. Just two people with some sword problems, but we’ve all been there. 

I’m wondering what’s not a problem these days? The waking hours feel like an agonizing thing to toil through, to try to pass and spend and exhaust because for some reason we’re universally subjected to consciousness. Like getting a ton of tickets at a cheap arcade, and reluctantly exchanging them for some less than satisfying plastic doodad. Was that really the whole point of playing the game? 

Anyway we’re moving soon and maybe things will get better? It feels impossible that things could improve, or that change at all is possible. That these patterns and horrible hours could ever shift off their already set purgatory course. The 8 of swords knows this feeling, there she stands encased in swords, bound and blindfolded. He perspective and movement are inhibited, limited, blocked off. She feels, and is, trapped. 

“The Eight of Swords reveals that you feel trapped and restricted by your circumstances. You believe your options are limited with no clear path out.”

“When the Eight of Swords appears in a Tarot reading, it comes as a warning that your thoughts and beliefs are no longer serving you. You may be over-thinking things, creating negative patterns or limiting yourself by only considering the worst-case scenario. The more you think about the situation, the more you feel stuck and without any options. It is time to get out of your head and let go of those thoughts and beliefs holding you back. As you change your thoughts, you change your reality. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones, and you will start to create a more favorable situation for yourself.“

Now, this is the part I truly groan at: “The Eight of Swords assures you there is a way out of your current predicament – you just need a new perspective. You already have the resources you need, but it is up to you to use those resources in a way that serves you.”

What can I say to this? Who doesn’t feel trapped and bound right now? in their homes, with their thoughts, with the eternal recurrence of daily life amidst a pandemic? I’m miserable, but so is everyone else, and for a lot more reasonable reasons! This thought unfortunately fails to shrink the misery, but instead makes me feel selfish for my little complaints which, as the 8 of swords says, do not serve me or anyone. So here I am with these wasted hours that I wonder what to do with, with the impending move (when? this weekend? mid month? we don’t know and I can’t Not Know, it is Virgo season c’mon), with my keyboard that mysteriously sticks whenever I try to use shift and a symbol, with my too short desk and my clutter, trying to consider all these things going into boxes and transitioning to a new space that I should start to feel hope for the way a seed germinates and then starts to reach up and out towards light for the purpose of L I F E. Things that went into boxes will come out and maybe magically be better in new light, with new space, and new rooms, new roots? 

Ok so Upside down sword problem man, what’ve you got? “The Seven of Swords often appears reversed when you feel like a fraud and are suffering from ‘imposter syndrome’. You may doubt yourself and your abilities. For example, if you have started a new business, you may ask yourself, 'Who am I to be doing this?' Know that this is fear talking. Get out of your head and trust that you have everything you need to make your new venture a success.”

Look at this dude, he’s like “I’m getting away, I have so many swords! *clank clank clank clank* OW!!” I dropped a knife off the counter last night and it barely missed my foot. Stigmata honestly sounds refreshing at this point. These cards seem to suggest I get out of my head, but how?? Is that what this writing is?? and I ask myself “who am I to be doing this?” about EVERYTHING. Who isn’t always walking around like ‘ooooh I will be found out’ about some part or the whole makeup of their “identity”. What is identity now, at home, with overgrown hair and shoes with no tread worn down hanging neatly as they were left at the end of the last warm season, no place to be or be seen, not that being seen is optimal, but also how does self expression and self actualization work anymore? I have so many questions, and thankfully there are many cards, and maybe less thankfully or sort of half heartedly, there are many more days. I don’t know, this is just an account of the times because I’ve often regretted when I didn’t write through other things. Next month it’ll be a year since we were in Japan and I regret not writing every single day I was there, constantly, just to have more to go back and drink in!! and to share, oof to share. Well, now I have at least successfully passed an hour. So, there’s that. 

[appleebees]

Okay so a couple months back a bunch of friends and I made a really shitty podcast about the movie Cats (2019). It’s basically an hour of dumbasses discussing a Horrible movie, with less than optimal sound quality... but we’ll be doing it every year until we die, so it’ll get better.

Anyway I’m gonna link it here in case anyone is interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2OQdlq7jWs

[hatsoffforkaede]

Saimatsu gift exchange

My gift is for @animercom so hopefully you like it!

I would have liked it to be a bit longer but with the hustle and bustle of Christmas I haven’t had much time for writing.

Also heads up I’m not the best at writing which is probably why I haven’t posted any fanfics on tumblr yet so don’t have too high expectations.

———————————————————————

As our once prison and temporary home collapsed we knew it was over. The killing game was finished and would never take another victim and for the first time in a what felt like forever I felt at peace. Kaede’s wish had been fulfilled and I oddly felt close to her.

After the killing game life continued which felt... wrong but I suppose that’s just how the world works, life goes on no matter what and before I knew it I was packed off to school again, only this time a regular college. As I walked through the gateway carrying my small suitcase filled with the few possessions I had as most had been lost in the wreckage of the killing game, I realised just how different the school was from the overgrown barren prison I had previously spent all my time. The campus was brimming with fresh faces and chirpy members of staff and older students touring newcomers and showing students to their accommodation. It was overwhelming and I was yet to see Maki or Himiko who were both supposed to be going here as well.

I walk over to a large table with a friendly looking woman standing behind it. She had long auburn hair tied into a ponytail with a white ribbon wearing a blue suit covered by a creamy white apron as well as a beaming smile.

“Um I-is this where we sign in and get our dorm keys?” God I need to get a grip and stop stuttering so much...

“Yes it is! Welcome, find your name on the form and sign it then I can give you your keys for your new home!” She replied in the most singsongy voice possible. Seriously it’s like this woman oozes joy.

“Sure... thanks” I reply trying my best to be polite and happy but failing miserably.

I look through the form listing all the names of the students joining this year and find my name and sign next to it. I hand back the form but just as I do a name stands out to me. A familiar name...

“W-wait!” I blurt out without thinking as the woman behind the desk hold the form in her grip. She looks at me confused.

“Eh? Is something wrong?” She asks tilting her head slightly still holding the form.

“O-oh um it’s nothing...” I must have been mistaken it would be impossible for there to be that name on the form...

She nods awkwardly and retrieves a key with a number on it and a map, I’m assuming of the campus. She hands them to me and I mumble a thank you and scurry away from the already uncomfortable situation.

I follow the map and eventually arrive at a block of dorms. I look at the number on the keys to see my dorm number...53...how ironic...

I walk into the building and climb up what felt like a never ending staircase and a quiet hallway, finally arriving at room 53. I put the key in the door and turn it, in acceptance it makes a click sound. I open the door only to be greeted by a loud scraping sound from behind, like someone pulling something heavy across the floor. I turn to see a grand piano being pushed from behind very slowly, clearly whoever was behind the piano was struggling to move it as a subtle panting could be heard.

Before I had time to process what was happening a voice from behind the piano called out.

“Um hey you! Could you lend me a hand? This piano is super heavy?” It was like a symphony was playing in my head. The voice was like the melody of a tune but no bands were playing, the voice was familiar and wrapped me in a cocoon of safety and tranquility.

I instantly recognised her, I mean how could I not, but she couldn’t be here, she can’t be here. My legs tremble as I walk over to the piano and lo and behold there she stood. Her blonde hair fell perfectly on her shoulders, her eyes still sparkled with ambition and optimism. Her cheeks tinged pink with life contrasting her Snow White skin.

No longer did she wear the uniform of an ultimate but instead a simple white long sleeved blouse and flowing pink pleated skirt that ended a few inches above her ankles.

My heart beat at what felt like a hundred miles per hour as all I could mutter was a breathless “Hi...”.

She stood up straight and dusted off her skirt smiling as she did. “Hi, thanks for stopping. You wouldn’t believe how many people I’ve passed that didn’t even bother to ask if I needed help!” ...she doesn’t recognise me..?

“Oh I forgot to introduce myself! I’m Kaede Akamatsu. I’m staying in dorm 58 so if you could it would be great if you could help me move this piano into my room.” ...This can’t be real.

I watched Kaede die right in front of me and now by some miracle she’s here at the exact same college as me and she only lives just down the hall from me. Not to mention the fact that she doesn’t recognise me at all.

“Um... this is the part where you introduce yourself...” Kaede mentions as she glances awkwardly to the side. I suddenly bounce back to reality, only now realising that I’ve probably been staring off into space for much longer than is considered appropriate.

“Oh ah sorry, my name is Shuichi Saihara...I guess we’re going to be neighbours...” I managed to stutter out.

Kaede smiled brightly just like she used to and nodded.

“So lets get to work!”

For the first time in forever me and Kaede worked together. It was a familiar and yet unfamiliar process. Kaede was the same and different at the same time, not a bad different thought just... different... I can’t really describe it.

We talked as we lugged the grand piano down the hall which turned into a much more time consuming task than I thought it would be. When she spoke she felt more... real.

Before she felt like a leader. Like the type of person everyone aspired to be but could never achieve. Now she felt like someone who could actually exist, a kind girl who had faults and goals that could be achieved by the average person. She was herself. The real Kaede Akamatsu not the artificial ‘protagonist’ archetype that Team Danganronpa created.

After I left her dorm once we had finished moving the piano it was 8pm, I went back to my own dorm only to realise I hadn’t started any of my unpacking, I groaned but managed to complete the task quickly, mostly due to the fact that I didn’t have many belongings in the first place.

Before I knew it I was so tired from the day I just collapsed on the bed and thought about the unbelievable scenario that had just occurred until my brain could no longer process and I fell into a deep sleep.

After that I found myself bumping into Kaede at every corner so it wasn’t long until we had grown even closer than we were in that horrible game. I tried to explain to her once or twice about how we had met before but it was to no avail but honestly as time went on I began to forget about the killing game and with the help of Kaede I began to truly move on with my life.

.

.

.

It has just turned winter and with Christmas coming up there was lots of work to do in the few weeks off we had to celebrate the festivities. I looked out the frosted windows of my dorm out into the cold streets, it’s not exactly the perfect day for getting Christmas presents but it’ll have to do.

I prepared a quick breakfast which merely consisted of cereal because despite living by myself for quite a while cooking was yet to be a skill of mine. Then I put on my coat, scarf and hat to try to stop me from freezing out in the cold morning air. I stepped out into the hallway and locked my door only to hear someone calling my name.

“Shuichi, good morning!” Kaede giggled as she ran up to me.

I smiled and replied “Morning Kaede, I was just going out to do some Christmas shopping.”

“Sounds fun! Mind if I join you? I was planning on baking some gingerbread to get in the festive spirit but I ran out of ingredients so I need to pop to the shops anyway” Kaede said adjusting her woolly hat. I’d never tell her but today in her winter coat she looked cuter than usual, not that she doesn’t always look cute but today I found myself blushing more than usual and it wasn’t because of the cold...

We walk out of the block of dorms and onto the campus. Kaede’s oddly quiet. She gazes off at the sun just peaking over the buildings breathing in the cold air.

“It’s a bit chilly today...” She says still avoiding eye contact.

“Chilly? It’s freezing Kaede!” I joke whilst staring at her features trying to figure out the reason for her sudden change in attitude.

Before I can interrogate her further her hand intertwines with mine.

“I forgot my gloves.” Kaede admits blushing looking me in the eyes rather intensely.

I chuckle and pull a pair of gloves that had been very blatantly stuffed into her pocket.

“You mean these gloves?”

Kaede puffs out her cheeks and does her classic puffy face.

“Hey that’s not fair! I was trying to be all smooth and romantic!”

I blush deeper and let out a small giggle as Kaede squeezes my hand a bit tighter as we continue to walk.

“Is it true?... y’know the stuff about the killing game that you mentioned before”

I looked to the floor thinking about Kaede’s question for a while and nod. Kaede thinks for a second humming as she thought.

“I know I don’t remember it but I believe you and I’m sorry I left you for so long, I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Kaede smiled brightly at me and I knew she was being genuine.

“Thanks it means a lot but it not fault you well uh... y’know... in the game.” I replied.

Kaede giggled quietly “I know but to make up for it I’m going to stick by your side for as long as you’ll let me!”

I was slightly taken aback. “What do you mean?”

Kaede grabs my hat and runs ahead out of the school gates laughing as she ran. “You’ll see! Now come catch me, we’ve got Christmas shopping to do!”

I smiled in content and sighed. As I ran after her I realised that it didn’t matter if she remembered the killing game or not because she was here with me and that’s where we both belonged and we’d both stay for as long as time allowed us.

[ashtheshortstack]

take my scars & make them stars - ch 2

Rating: M Ship: Kristoff/Anna Chapter Two

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Sick Fic, Cancer Fic, Chronic Illness, Chemotherapy, Modern AU, Coffee Shop AU, Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Angst with a happy ending, Mutual Pining, Mentions of Character Death

Read on Ao3

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Anna had already decided she would be stopping by Arendelle Roasts after her treatment today and prayed Kristoff would be working again this time. She wouldn’t dare tell Elsa. Her sister had insisted on tagging along but since Elsa hadn’t been feeling well, Anna used it as an excuse to tell her to sit this one out.

Was it horrible for her to use her sister’s health issues as an excuse so she could go talk to a guy? Yes. Absolutely. But Anna had a life-threatening disease that could easily take her out. She only had one life to live and if involved flirting with a big, burly, blonde barista… how could Anna resist?

Anna glared at the I.V. drip. It was taking far too long. Did it always drip that slowly? How did Elsa have this much patience when she accompanied her? Usually, she would feel a bit drained after a round of chemo, but Anna had to keep her energy up. For… reasons.

Her toes tapped on the carpet as she stared at her book in her lap. The words on the page jumbling together as Anna simply almost went cross-eyed at the font. Her brain was nowhere near focused enough to process the English language. All she could think about was what she would say to Kristoff when she saw him. Honestly, she hadn’t planned this idea out at all. What if she got tongue tied!? She didn’t have Elsa to help her out of this one.

Maybe, this was a bad idea. Going home was probably the better option, right? Who was she fooling? Like she told Elsa: no man would willingly date a bald girl with no boobs. Anna didn’t think she was really anything to look at before all of this, let alone now.

She slammed the book closed, groaning as she pulled out her phone instead. How would she know that Kristoff was even working again? It wasn’t like she knew his shifts or anything. If this stupid chemo didn’t hurry up she really would lose her mind.

Why had he noticed her in the first place!? Well, she knew why she garnered the attention of others, but his attention was different. Why didn’t he look at her like everyone else had?

She had to know why. Desperately desired more knowledge about him… Elsa had gotten her to admit she found him to be attractive. Almost looked out of place for his career choice. She idly wondered if this was just a temporary job for him… She remembered how broad his shoulders were, the messiness of his blonde locks, his hands—God, his hands—were so much bigger than hers. The touch of his rough skin had startled her when she handed over her sister’s credit card. What would it be like if she held his hand? Would his fingers engulf hers?

…And she was way off base here. There was no indication from him that he was interested in her like that. She couldn’t even bring herself to admit having tiny crush on him… She was a grown ass adult, dammit! She couldn’t be fawning over some—some… guy she saw in a coffee shop. Anna wasn’t that desperate little girl who desired the love of a prince charming anymore. She’d been there, done that, and learned that lesson.

But still. Yes. Maybe—Maybe, he was cute. But that was okay. She could admit someone was cute. Didn’t mean she wanted to date him. Or—sleep with him?

Wait. No.

Stop.

Not going there.

Anna shook her head, clearing her head of such thoughts. She knew what men desired. And she certainly wasn’t it. Not anymore. Her body was weak and scrawny. At times, she barely even felt like a person herself. Besides, ever since starting chemo her sex drive was zilch. Of course, she hadn’t told anyone that. Elsa wasn’t one to discuss such topics. And like hell she’d tell Gerda. It was embarrassing enough to lose her libido. Talking about it would be much worse.

She couldn’t help it though. Her attraction to Kristoff did elicit some thoughts in her mind. He was just so different than Hans. Or any other man she’d found desirable in the past. Since when did she like thicker men with big hands and probably bigger—nope.

Anna felt her face flush, mortified. No. Nada. She would not—could not have such thoughts about a man she had just met. Why did her mind keep wandering to improper territories? She tried to reason with herself. She hadn’t been—intimate with anyone in a while. She’d been going through treatments almost three months, she left Hans after her diagnosis five months prior… And she stopped sleeping with him when their relationship was on its last threads. That had to be why. A completely reasonable explanation as to why she’d be thinking about Kristoff in that way. About how it may feel to be wrapped in his arms and—

Dr. Mattias opened the door.

Thank God.

“Good afternoon, Anna,” he began as he started in the room. “How are we feeling today?”

Sighing, she smiled at him as he took a seat on the stool across from her. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You look awfully flushed.”

Her hand went to her cheek, feeling the heat on her skin. “Ah—I-It’s a little hot in here, I guess.”

Dr. Mattias eyed her a moment. He could usually see right through her. “Do we need to adjust the thermostat?”

“No! It’s fine. Just—I’m fine.”

Humming, he wrote on his clipboard in hand. “Okay… What about symptoms? What have you been feeling?”

“Fatigue, mostly. I’ve been tired all the time. Sometimes I lose my breath if I’m too active and need to sit down,” she told him before pursing her lips. “The mouth sores are pretty bad.”

That got him to look up from his writing. “Mouth sores?”

“Yeah. I have a lot of ulcers. I’ve been sticking to soup and liquid foods to help the pain. Solid foods haven’t really been my friend. I-It feels like I’m eating bits of glass. I can’t—I can’t really taste much either. But all of that is normal, right?”

With a sympathetic nod, he took more notes on his paper. “Yes, those are definitely side effects I’ve seen from treatment before. I would suggest getting a mouth sore rinse. Should be near regular mouth wash in a store. It won’t prevent more from appearing, but it’ll at least relieve some of the pain from the ones you already have. There’s nothing we can really do about loss of taste, but most patients have their taste return once in remission.”

Anna nodded in understanding. “That’s great! So, I won’t be like this forever?”

Dr. Mattias smiled at her optimism. “Most likely,” he paused, giving her another glance and cleared his throat. “Anna, I need you to be honest with me. If the pain becomes too much, a feeding tube is always an option.”

He hadn’t meant for the statement to jar her as it had, she knew. But it did anyway. Silently, she gave a nod, unable to look him in the eyes.

“I’m not trying to scare you—by any means. However, the last thing I want to put you through is unnecessary suffering,” he explained.

“I understand.”

                                                       o~o~o~o

 Arendelle Roasts wasn’t too far from the hospital. That’s how Elsa had discovered the quaint coffee shop in the first place. It was only about a ten-minute walk. Anna could make it, she knew. Despite being a little drained and sore, she would be fine. She had stuck around the hospital for a bit anyway, got a small healthy snack, and met with the counselling group. It gave her plenty of time to sit and gather herself.

Starting her walk, she would see if he was there before she strolled in the doors of the shop, thankfully. The large windows showed the entire inside of the establishment. Anna tried to be casual when she looked for him. She smiled despite herself when she saw him behind the register. There was someone else with him today, and she worried a bit that maybe the other guy would try to take her order.

But… mustering up her pride, she walked in the door anyway. The bell chimed over the doorway, making the boys look up. Kristoff seemed stunned to see her and said something to the other guy quickly before shooing him.

“A-Anna,” Kristoff sputtered as she reached the counter. He glanced behind her. “No Elsa today?”

“O-Oh.”

Shit. She knew she’d forgotten something. A lie to tell him as to why she was here. He was looking at her expectantly. Anna knew he’d probably buy whatever she told him, but what made the most sense?

“Well, Elsa’s sick today and couldn’t come out today. S-So, I thought I’d bring her a latte back home.”

Kristoff smiled at that with a nod. “S’mores. 12-ounce, right?”

Blinking, her jaw went slack. He remembered what she had ordered for Elsa. And it had been almost two weeks since she last saw this man. Again, he was looking at her. Shit, she was slow today. But he never gave her any sign he was annoyed or irritated. He just—just waited patiently.

“Y-Yeah. That’s right.”

“Got it,” he said and started towards the machine. Anna pulled out her card, fingers quivering as she waited. God, she kinda hoped he would touch her hand again. He was so warm last time.

When he returned with the cup, she went hand him the card, but he held up a hand to stop her. “I’m off the clock. Consider it on the house.”

Anna gaped. “Wait, what?”

Kristoff laughed at that. “I’m clocked out. I’ll pay for the coffee.”

“Thank you,” she replied, stunned and awestruck that he made her coffee when he wasn’t on shift anymore.

Do it, Anna. Just do it! Ask him! Ask him to talk! He’s not working! Do it, do it, do it!!

“Since you’re off the clock would you—uh—want to—t-talk? Talk to me? Like hang out? Uh…”

Great. She sounded like an idiot. His eyes widened at her, lips parted.

The other boy came back around the corner before Kristoff could answer. “Ryder,” according to his nametag. But Kristoff’s was wrong… so who knew if that was his name. He smiled. “Hi! You must be Ann—oof!”

Kristoff elbowed him quickly. “12-ounce, s’mores latte. Write it on my tab,” he said swiftly before turning his attention back to her. “And yes. We can stay here, if you’d like?”

Anna nodded quickly, trying not to seem too eager. Smiling, he took off his vest before shooting a glare towards Ryder who just smirked far too smugly. Kristoff ruffled his blonde locks. “I’ll be right back. You can find a table? O-Or it doesn’t have to be a table, obviously, can be one of the couches if that’d make you more comfortable. Or downstairs, or the—”

Ryder cleared his throat.

Cheeks flushing, Kristoff’s mouth snapped shut. “I’ll find you.” He retreated to a back room.

Anna tapped the cup in her hand and took a step back.

“Nice to meet you, Anna,” the barista grinned.

She giggled at that, giving him a curt nod. “Ryder?”

He nodded as customers began to trickle in as the bell chimed.

Anna found a table nestled in the back of the coffee shop. A habit she’d come to develop since her treatments began. The less noticeable she was, the less stares she got. Kristoff easily found her, though, pulling out the seat across from her on the table.

“I’m guessing you can’t be here long?” he asked.

She was confused by that. “What?” she tilted her head, a puzzled look etched along her face.

He gestured towards the coffee with his head. “The coffee. For Elsa. It’ll get cold if you stay here too long.”

Anna sucked in a breath at that. “Oh! Right! Um. No. I don’t have to leave. Cold coffee has never really bothered her, anyway. S-She could always warm it back up if she wanted to. In the, uh, microwave?”

A smirk twitched along his lips. “Okay… If you say so. I would suggest pouring it into a mug before doing that.”

Nodding quickly, Anna agreed. “Right.”

Why was she like this!? She never… well, she’d always been awkward. But with Hans she’d never felt this? It was exciting and new with him since she’d never had a guy look her way before. With Kristoff, however, her heart pounded, words tumbled from her mouth before she could rationally think about it.

How much was of it was Kristoff? How much of it was chemo brain?

She didn’t know.

There it was again. That look he gave her as if he was waiting for her to speak. But instead of thinking she blurted out: “So, what do you do?”

Blinking, he bit back a smile, obviously trying not to laugh as Anna let out a mortified groan and plopped her head on the table. “Don’t answer that,” she muttered.

He did anyway. “I make coffee sometimes.”

Scoffing, more at her stupid question than him, she dared to look up at him. “You don’t say?”

Kristoff hid a chuckle behind his hand. “I’m in doing on the job training for construction on the weekends,” he told her. “I enrolled in some classes over at East too. That’s what else I do.”

Anna perked at that. She could talk about that. “I went to East… before.”

She didn’t need to elaborate. He seemed to understand as he nodded. “What’d you study?”

“English.”

He grimaced with a hiss.

“Hey, it’s not that bad, really. I planned to go to uni and study British Literature, but ya know, life had other plans,” she said with a shrug.

Kristoff hummed in agreement. “Yeah, it tends to throw curveballs, but it’s how you deal with it that matters, right?”

Brows raising, she was a bit shocked at his words. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Sooo… tell me, what about you? Do you do anything?”

Anna shook her head. “I can’t work right now, and I’ve never had a job before.”

He seemed confused at that. “What? You’ve never had a job? How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-one,” she replied before giving him a look. “What about you? How old are you?”

“Twenty-four.”

She gaped. “What? You’re the same age as Elsa.”

“Wait, really? Did you both grow up here?”

Anna cocked a brow but nodded. “Yes, we did.”

Kristoff humphed, clearly confused as he leaned onto his palm. “I never saw Elsa in any classes in high school. Did you go to academy?”

“Oh! Elsa was homeschooled. And I enrolled at the academy sophomore year.”

“Aah, that explains it. A prep-school girl, huh?” he teased.

Anna had heard that there was reputation for those that went to the private school in the town. Mostly that they were snobby rich kids. Which—well—it wasn’t wrong. She had dated a snobby rich boy. For far too long.

She leaned onto the table with her, resting her chin on her palms. “Got a problem with academy kids, Kristoff?”

He barked a laugh at that. “I graduated five years ago. That is not something I worry over anymore.”

Anna hummed teasingly. “Sounds like you’re still a little bitter,” she chimed, touching her fingers together.

“Because your rich parents could send you to the uppity school? Nah.”

He didn’t know. She knew he didn’t know. But it didn’t stop the words from panging in her chest just a little. “My parents actually passed away. That’s—uh—that’s why I ended up enrolled in school in the first place.”

The panic that set in his eyes made her feel worse for telling him. “Oh, God. Anna—I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean—I tend to put my foot in my mouth a lot so if I ever just—I’ll shut up.”

His hands were clenched on the table, knuckles turning white as he gazed down at his lap. He was so mortified, and it was written all over his face. Daring, she reached out and placed her frail fingers over the back of his palm. She smiled when he glanced up at her.

“It’s okay. It’s—It’s one of the curveballs you talked about, right?”

He released a breath, shaking his head. “God, Anna. What have you been through?”

A sour laugh left her lips at that. “More than I could begin to describe.”

Kristoff shot a glance at where her tiny fingers were touching his. She almost pulled away when he placed his other hand over hers, trapping her hand there. “Anytime you need to talk, I’m all ears. I know what difference it can make to have someone to listen.”

Anna felt her cheeks heat. “I-I… Wow. Th-Thank you. That’s so nice of you. You’re—wow. You’re really nice.”

Shaking his head, he shied away from her. Anna almost frowned at the loss of skin contact but tried not to react. “I’m not,” he chuckled. “I used to be kind of a jerk. I always—I dunno. I used to really hate being around people.”

“Sounds like you have some stuff to talk about too.”

He snorted. “Maybe, but we’ll save that for another day.”

“We will?”

“I-I mean—” he cleared his throat, suddenly finding the creamer on the table much more interesting than her face. “I-If you want to, of course. We could t-talk again. H-Hang out again?”

Anna smiled at that. “Sure, I’d like that.”

She watched as he swallowed thickly. “Could I have your number…?”

Nodding quickly, she pulled her phone from her pocket as he did the same. Exchanging phones, they put one another’s numbers in the devices. She noticed that he had actual pictures of people in his phone. People still did that…? She looked up nervously from his phone. “U-Um… could the picture part wait?”

His brows pinched slightly. “Uh, sure. Is something wrong?”

“Well, I hate to state the obvious, but I’m bald.”

“Oh, really? I thought you just really liked hats.”

“Kristoff.”

He barked a laugh as he plucked his phone from her fingers. “Yes, the picture can wait until you have hair, if that makes you feel better.”

Anna smirked as he slid her phone back to her across the table. “Thank you.”

He stood from his seat. “I… I really enjoyed talking to you, Anna. Unfortunately,” he checked the time on his phone, looking at her with an apologetic frown. “I’ve been here for over six hours, and my dog will tear my house apart if I stay too much longer.”

God… he looked even taller when she was sitting. Anna stood to join him in an instant but regretted the action immediately when the world spun around her. She blinked, swaying a bit but trying to play off the reaction. She must’ve not hidden her distress well since Kristoff grabbed her upper arm to steady her. If she hadn’t been so woozy, she may have blushed or taken notice of how his hand swallowed her bicep as if she were a toothpick. That was for another day, another time.

“Are you okay?” he asked, tilting to see her face.

Squeezing her eyes, she silently willed the dizzy spell to stop. She tried to wave him off, tried to pretend nothing was wrong. This happened sometimes. It wasn’t something new. But in front of someone else…? In front of someone she really thought she may have a chance with? Out in public? That was new. And she hated it.

Anna groaned, grabbing her head.

“Anna, hey, when was your last treatment?”

“Today…” she managed to answer. “Few hours ago.”

His jaw dropped. “And you came here? You didn’t go home?”

Anna couldn’t tell him the truth. Couldn’t dare to admit that she’d come to see him. Swallowing, she grimaced with a shrug. “Uh, Elsa wanted her coffee.”

Kristoff gave her a look before shaking his head and cracking a small smile. “Right… Why don’t you sit back down?”

“No, no. I’m fine. You have to get ho—” Anna retched, bending at the waist as the granola she’d eaten earlier was suddenly in bits on the floor. Bile burned her throat, the taste sour in her mouth. She coughed more, vaguely hearing Kristoff call for his coworker. The world was a blur, she didn’t know how she ended up sat back in the chair, bent over a small, plastic garbage can.

Was the feeling of his palm running along her arm real? She couldn’t be sure. Her body trembled as she emptied whatever contents were left in her stomach into the trash. Her throat ached, eyes watered both from the puking and the humiliation of it all. She’d be lucky if Kristoff ever spoke to her again after this.

“I’ll be right back,” he’d told her as his warmth left her.

She bobbed her head, hugging herself and running tremoring fingers over her arms. People were looking at her now. The “poor you” stare even worse than normal. This sucked. Anna just wanted to live normally for once. Hang out with a guy that was cute… then she blew it. Literally. All over his shoes. Her bottom lip wobbled as she held in fresh tears that threatened to fall.

When she looked up, Kristoff had a mop. Anna watched in a stunned silence as she cleaned up this mess she had created. He’d apparently wiped off his shoes since they were free of any bile. Tears slipped out, then. He noticed.

Offering her a warm smile, he shook his head. “Hey, hey. You’re okay. You’re not the first person to puke in here,” he spoke lightly. “It’s usually coffee which—smells much worse.” Kristoff scrunched his nose.

She listened. His reassuring voice making her heart swell just a little. Anna wasn’t sure if him being so nice to her helped or just made her more emotional. He was meticulous with his mopping before taking the bucket towards the back room. He returned, and after he placed a wet floor sign in the area, he squatted in front of her.

“Do you need a ride home?”

Anna scoffed at him. “Really? You’re not afraid I may puke in your car?”

He shrugged. “So what?”

“You… You are something else.”

 She agreed to the ride, though.

                                                     o~o~o~o

 Kristoff’s jaw dropped when they pulled up to the mansion in his pick-up. “Holy shit, Anna. This is where you live?”

With a little laugh, she shrugged. “Yeah?”

Elsa was out the door. “Anna!” her sister enveloped her in her arms before she was barely out of the truck. “God, you scared me! I thought you had collapsed in the street! Where—” It was then her sister looked past her and saw that it wasn’t a kind stranger that gave Anna a ride home like she’d insinuated via text.

Anna held up the latte. “I got you your latte!” she practically shouted.

Her sister squinted at her, taking the coffee. “This is cold,” she muttered with a frown.  

“It’s fine.”

Kristoff was walking around the truck to join them, letting out an impressed whistle. “Wow.” He turned to the girls, offering the elder sister a smile. “Nice to see you again, Elsa.”

Elsa smiled politely with a nod. “Likewise, Kristoff. Thank you for bringing Anna home. I’m sorry if she caused you any trouble,” her voice was stern in the last bit of the sentence, glowering at Anna.

He waved, shaking his head. “No, no!”

“He’s lying. I puked in the coffee shop.”

Elsa gaped. “Anna. You know better than to exert yourself after chemo.”

“I know, I know,” Anna sighed as her sister fretted over her.

“U-Um,” Kristoff started, gaining the attention of both sisters. “I really have to go,” he awkwardly gestured to his truck with his thumbs. “My dog… I don’t even want to know what he’s done to my house.”

Anna stepped towards him. “I’ll pay for anything he’s destroyed. Promise.”

Shaking his head, he looked at her in almost disbelief. “That’s totally unnecessary. I enjoyed getting to talk to you today. If anything, it’s my fault for keeping you so long.”

Kristoff jumped in his truck, rolling down the passenger side window. “I’ll—uh—I’ll text you?”

She bobbed her chin quickly. “Y-Yeah! T-Thanks again, Kristoff. For—For everything today.”

He smiled at that, giving a quick wave as he rolled the window up.

Anna stayed on the front steps of the mansion, watching as he backed out and drove away. Her hands gripped her chest as she felt like she could just collapse in a melted heap.

Elsa’s hand plopped on her shoulder. “You puked in the coffee shop?”

“Don’t patronize me.”

She laughed at that before taking her sister’s hand and tugging her inside.

Anna flopped on the couch, letting out a huff of air, her cheeks puffing out.  “I’ll be lucky if Kristoff ever wants to talk to me after this,” she groaned, smacking her palms over her eyes.

“Well, he did bring you home.”

“He wasn’t going to leave a girl with cancer who just puked on his shoes out to dry in the coffee shop. It doesn’t mean he still wants to talk to me, Elsa. I totally messed this up.”

Elsa hummed, tapping a comforting hand on Anna’s thigh. “I think you’re overreacting just a little.”

“Elsa, this is literally the end of the world, I don’t know how else I should react.”

Her sister laughed. “Uh huh.”

Anna pouted in her self-sorrows for a few minutes as Elsa affectionately rubbed her palm along her scalp. They hadn’t gotten to share moments like this as they grew up. It was nice to have it now. Elsa never got to help her little sister through boy troubles, even though it wasn’t the elder sister’s area of expertise. Hans was aggressive. Just suddenly in her life, then suddenly out. Elsa couldn’t stand him, had told Anna as much, but the younger sister wanted someone to love her. And that was that.

She felt like a silly teenager after the whole incident. It was like one of those humiliating moments in teen drama movies. Anna suddenly understood the overwhelming dread one felt when put in such a situation.

When her phone pinged, she nearly jumped out of her skin.

  Kristoff: would you like to grab lunch with me sometime?

 She sat up so fast she nearly threw her equilibrium off again. “Elsa!”

Elsa took the phone, grinning at the message before shoving the phone back into Anna’s hand. “You’re going to say ‘yes,’ right?”

Anna nodded quickly typing out the quick reply. “I don’t sound desperate, do I?”

“Anna.”

“No. You’re right. Just say yes.”

 Anna went to bed smiling like an idiot. She tossed and turned in her bed… before burying her face in the pillow and squealing.

[helloalycia]

fake dating [two] // brie larson

summary: after your mum invited you and your new girlfriend to dinner, things get a little heated, to say the least.

warning/s: none.

author's note: hope this gives you a bit more of an idea into your mum's personality! And I'm glad y'all are liking it! I'll post the next bit tomorrow :)

one | three | four | five | six | seven | masterlist

     "Y/N, it'll be fine, you're just stressing unnecessarily," Brie tried to reassure me as she was driving to my mum's the following evening.

     I chewed on the inside of my mouth, glancing at Brie. She looked lovely tonight and I appreciated her dressing up especially for this meal with my mum and Isaac. She had an easygoing smile on her lips, as if nothing could ruin tonight. I envied her optimism.

     "What if she asks us something that throws us off?"

    I did ask if you wanted to practice running through some questions beforehand," Brie pointed out, a hint of amusement in her voice.

    I scoffed. "Practice? We're best friends, Brie. I know everything about you and vice versa. We'll be fine."

    Brie laughed. "Then relax. We're here now anyway, so take a deep breath and c- woah."

    I followed her gaze and saw she was taken aback by the size of my mum's house. I sighed quietly, knowing it was huge. It wasn't the house I had grown up in - that was a little smaller, but still mansion-like - but this was a new one of my mum's. One of her three mansions in America. The other two were 'holiday homes', as if one house wasn't enough.

    "Remind me again why you never told me you were filthy rich?" Brie asked, as she admired the mansion she was now parking in front of.

    "Because my mum sees me as a failure since I refused to follow in her footsteps as a lawyer?" I reminded her, a hint of annoyance in my voice. I wasn't annoyed with Brie, just being back at my mum's house.

    Brie parked up and took a deep breath. I raised an eyebrow.

    "Thought you weren't nervous?"

    She gave me a small smile. "That was before I saw the size of the house."

    I rested a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently, offering a smile. "You've been telling me this whole car ride that we'll be fine, so we will be. Let's just go in and get this over and done with, yeah?"

    She nodded, breathing out slowly. "Yeah."

    I grinned, letting go of her shoulder. "Awesome! Now pretend you love me and let's go make my mum not hate me anymore!"

    Brie and I went to the door with our gifts - flowers and chocolates - and knocked. Brie nudged me in the shoulder gently and I looked to her, only to feel at ease when she smiled at me. Almost three years into our friendship and she always knew how to make me feel better.

    The door opened and some sort of butler opened it, his eyes boring into us both.

    "Hi, er, I'm Y/N Y/L/N, here to see my mum and Isaac?" I spoke, stupidly unsure of myself because of his detached expression.

    He blinked, looking between us both, before motioning for us to follow him. Brie and I stepped inside as he shut the door.

    "They have a butler," Brie mumbled in my ear, with disbelief.

    "Yup."

    We both followed the butler down the vast entrance, Brie taking it all in from beside me. I would have smiled at how cute she looked, looking around like a kid in a candy store, but I was too busy fretting about how this evening would go down.

    "Miss, Y/L/N, your daughter and her girlfriend are here," the butler finally spoke as we entered the living-area. My mum and Isaac were sat beside one another, chatting. When they saw us, they both stood up, smiles on their faces.

    "Girls, lovely to see you both again," my mum said, glancing at her watch. "And not a minute late. Wonderful."

    I gave a small smile. "You, too, mum. We got you some chocolates and flowers. I thought I'd give you your wedding gift next week, and we didn't want to show up empty-handed now, so yeah."

    I held out the gifts, but my mum merely glanced at the butler, who took them from my hands and left the room. I cocked my head to Brie, giving her a 'help me' look, to which she cleared her throat and looked to my mum with a smile.

    "Thank you for inviting us, Y/M/N," she said, stepping forward to put out her hand. "And you must be Isaac! It's a pleasure, sir."

    They both shook Brie's hand before she stepped back beside me, nudging me a little. I moved forward and shook their hands, too.

    "Come here, Y/N," Isaac said with a grin, pulling me into a hug. "You don't come round nearly as much as I'd like. How are you?"

    I smiled genuinely. I liked Isaac. He always made an effort and I could see he cared about my mum and I. Though, I never understood how he and my mum didn't clash.

    "I'm good," I said, taking a seat opposite him and my mum. Brie sat beside me as I continued. "And you? I must congratulate you both, again. I'm really happy for you."

    Another butler, different from the last, walked in, setting two cups of tea in front of us on the coffee table. Sugar, milk and biscuits were all there and I immediately helped myself.

    Isaac looked to my mum with lovesick eyes before wrapping an arm around her waist. "Thank you, Y/N. Enough about us though. Ever since your mother told me about you having a girlfriend yesterday, I couldn't wait for tonight!" His eyes went to Brie. "Such a pleasure to meet you, Brie."

    I watched both Isaac and my mum as they seemed genuinely excited for me. Isaac always was to be fair, but my mum rarely cared enough about my life, so to see her glancing at me with pride in her eyes made me feel, well, noticed.

    "...I'm an actress," I tuned back in to see Brie explaining to them both. "I'm currently training for this new film called Captain Marvel."

    "An actress? Wow!" my mum said, an impressed smile on her face. She glanced at me before saying, "I didn't think Y/N would ever end up with someone that successful!"

    I closed my eyes, internalising my annoyance. Of course. I opened my eyes again when I felt Brie's hand in mine, squeezing it gently. I glanced at her, but she was forcing a small smile in my mum's direction.

    "Y/N is just as successful, Y/M/N," she said.

    My mum didn't even recognise the hint of sass in Brie's voice nor the fake smile on her lips, instead laughing as she looked at me, then to Brie again.

    "So, what films might I have seen you in, Brie, dear? Anything big?" she asked, completely dismissing Brie's previous comment. Isaac looked uncomfortable beside my mum, but said nothing.

    Brie clenched her jaw and I knew words were going to spill from her mouth in defence of me, but I couldn't let her do that and ruin this, so I interrupted instead.

    "Nothing you've heard of mum," I said, earning my mum's attention. "Not your taste of films."

    My mum nodded, sipping her tea. "Very well. Maybe I'll have a look at one of your films, Brie. What's your full name, dear?"

    Brie glanced at me, before saying, "Brie Larson in the credits. But my name is actually Brianne Sidonie Desaulniers."

    My mum nodded, sipping the last of her tea, before standing up. "Amazing. I'll look you up... So, is everyone finished? Dinner should be ready now."

    "Well actually I-"

    "Come on, Y/N, hurry," my mum cut me off, before grabbing Isaac's hand and dragging him to the dining room.

    I pursed my lips and put my half full cup of tea on the coffee table.

    "Y/N, are you sure you want to do this?" Brie asked, turning to face my way with a concerned expression on her face. "I hate to say this, but your mum is-"

    "Rude, big-headed and judgemental?" I filled in for her.

    "Well, yeah," Brie agreed, her voice low. "I don't like how she speaks to you. Why would you want to pretend to have me as a girlfriend to impress someone who treats you horribly?"

    I stood up, shrugging. "She's my mum, Brie..."

    "Who is proud of you for something that isn't true," she pointed out, standing up beside me. "You know I'll help you out with this, Y/N, but as your friend, I think you should just stand up to your mum and tell her the truth. If she doesn't love you for what you've got, what's the point?"

    I sighed, meeting Brie's eyes. They were a warm brown colour, with flecks of gold shining through and reminding me who I was. I wasn't a liar. Even for my mum's approval. She was right.

    "Okay, come on," I said, grabbing her hand and leading her to the dining room. I saw Isaac and my mum taking a seat beside each other and had no choice but to sit opposite them with Brie.

    "We're having salmon," my mum said as the waiters brought out the food. "I hope that's okay."

    "It's fine, thank you," Brie said with a smile, before looking to me with a 'tell her' look.

    I swallowed the lump in my throat before looking to my mum. "Mum, I need to tell you something. About Brie and I."

    My mum nodded, though I could see she wasn't really listening as she watched the waiters put food on her plate.

    "I thought, well... you assumed Brie and I were together because of the photo at our flat," I began, and my mum glanced at me, "but you didn't listen to me. I was trying to tell you that–"

    "Where is this going, Y/N?" my mum asked, raising an eyebrow.

    "Let her speak, dear," Isaac said, giving her a knowing look.

    "I am, but she's taking her time getting her words out," my mum replied, before staring at me.  "What is it? Are you breaking up? Are you cheating on her? Are you even together?"

    I widened my eyes, a little hurt that she'd think I would do that, specifically the cheating thing.

    "I wouldn't be surprised, I mean, she's an actress," my mum continued, as if each word wasn't a punch to the gut. "It's a little far fetched that you'd be with someone like Brie."

    "Y/M/N, you should stop there," Isaac said sternly, before glancing at me apologetically.

    "You really think I'm that much of a failure that I couldn't be with someone like Brie?" I asked with disbelief. "That's how little you think of me, mum?"

    "Y/N–"

    "Why is it so hard to believe I could have a girlfriend like her?" I questioned her, growing angry. "Because she's beautiful? Talented? Successful? Everything I'm not?"

    "Y/N, you're making a scene," my mum said, glaring at me. "This shouldn't be a discussion."

    "But it is," I said, the words flying from my mouth. "I'm here, telling you I have a girlfriend, and you're still doubting me! Well, guess what, mum, she is my girlfriend whether you believe it or not."

    I could feel Brie's eyes on me and I wasn't really sure why I'd said that. Anger? Annoyance? I was fed up, that was for sure. With my mum thinking so little of me. I was going to prove to her that I could have someone like Brie, even if it wasn't real, technically.

    "Then what did you want to tell me, Y/N?" my mum asked, raising her eyebrows. "I know you're with Brie. You've obviously proven me wrong. So, what else is there to say?"

    I clenched my jaw. "Nothing. Let's just eat..."

    She nodded and dug into her food. Isaac looked out of place as he did the same. I glanced at Brie, who's expression I couldn't exactly read.

    "So, erm, is the food okay, girls?" Isaac asked, trying to make conversation.

    I picked at my plate.

    "Delicious, thank you," Brie spoke up, sensing I wouldn't.

    "You know, you never told me how you both met," Isaac continued, and I glanced up at him to see an apologetic smile on his lips, as if he were trying to make up for what my mum had said.

    I appreciated his gesture and couldn't help but give him a small smile in return.

    "We met just over two years ago," I said, glancing at Brie, who smiled encouragingly my way. "Brie was looking for a flat and I was looking for a flatmate."

    "I came over to check out the flat and I met Y/N then," Brie added, a genuine smile on her lips. "She was lovely. She showed me the flat, making jokes about everything. Gosh, I'd never laughed so hard at a flat viewing."

    I chuckled, looking at her. "You thought I was funny?"

    She nodded, meeting my eyes. "Why did you think I had to step outside for a moment? I was crying with laughter."

    "I thought I'd freaked you out," I said honestly, a grin on my lips and any annoyance towards my mum momentarily forgotten. "It worked out though."

    "I ended up moving in with her, obviously," Brie finished, looking to Isaac, and my mum who was studying us both curiously.

    "And then you asked her out?" Isaac guessed with an amused smile.

    I forgot about that bit, so nodded, going along with it. "Yeah, sure. Brie asked me out and I said yeah."

    I glanced at Brie and saw her smiling to herself. When her eyes met mine, I saw a sparkle of disappointment in her eyes. I wondered what was up, but Isaac spoke again, so I couldn't give it much thought.

    "So, you've been dating for almost three years then?"

    I hesitated. "Er, yeah, that's what I said, isn't it?"

    Isaac chuckled, though looked at me with a questioning glance.

    "Three years in a relationship and you never once mentioned it to me," my mum spoke, not looking away from her plate. "Lovely, Y/N."

    "You only ever talk about yourself when you call me," I retorted, my grip tightening on my fork. "Maybe I never got the chance to mention it."

    My mum finally looked up, her eyes narrowing in my direction.

    "What Y/N means to say is that she never found the right moment," Brie said, resting a hand on mine and squeezing it gently. She gave me a pointed look before looking to my mum with an easygoing smile. "She's a private one, as you obviously know. I never pushed her to talk about us to you, but now you know and she's relieved that you do."

    "Even though you think I'm incapable..." I mumbled, earning a glare off Brie. I sighed and looked to my mum. "Yeah, what Brie said."

    My mum sighed. "Well, it seems you're both in a committed relationship which is all a mother can ask for."

    "Exactly," Isaac agreed, sensing the tension that was still present in the air. "Anyway, I'm sure your cousins are excited to see you again, and meet Brie, Y/N!"

    I groaned loudly. "Oh, god..."

    "Y/N, be nice," my mum warned.

    "Cousins?" Brie asked, looking to me with a raised eyebrow.

    "My mum's sister's kids," I explained. "Also lawyers and very annoying."

    "Y/N!"

    "What? It's true!" I said to my mum, before looking back to Brie. "They debate everything."

    "So do you, Y/N," my mum argued, an amused smile on her lips. "You would've made a fine lawyer if you'd gone down that route."

    "Oh, great, here we go..." I mumbled, paying attention to my food because I knew she'd started up on another never-ending rant about my career choice.

    "Y/N would have excelled as a lawyer," my mum spoke regretfully. You'd think I was a drug dealer with the way she was talking about me. "She has the brain and I have the money and connections. It was all set up for her, to go to law school, but of course she chose differently."

    "Doing something she loves, though, Y/M/N," Isaac inputted, which I appreciated.

    "Thanks," I said, nodding his way.

    "She would have loved law, too," my mum kept on going. "She could still help people and do something for society, like she wants to."

    Brie bit her lip and looked at me, unsure what to say. I shook my head, hoping she knew I wasn't expecting her to say anything. This was way too much to throw out there on a first parent-partner meeting, fake or not.

    "...like you, Brie. Did you always know you wanted to be an actress?" my mum asked her.

    Brie finished sipping her water, biding her time probably, before saying, "Yes, actually. My parents were really supportive of it, thankfully."

    "That must be nice," I commented with an urge to laugh, making Brie stifle a smile. My mum merely rolled her eyes.

    "It worked out though, despite the tough times," Brie continued, trying not to laugh.

    "And this Captain Marvel film, you said you were preparing for it," my mum said, "what does that consist of?"

    Brie nodded. "Yeah, so it's a superhero film, so I'm training at the gym. I've got a personal trainer."

    "If only Y/N would go to the gym once in a while," my mum said, making me roll my eyes.

    "Thanks, mum," I said, before looking to Brie. "You were saying?"

    She pursed her lips, suppressing a smile. "That's it really. We start filming at the end of the year, so I'm just focusing on my workout at the moment. It's strenuous, but it's paying off."

    "You're definitely in great shape," my mum complimented her, making Brie do that scrunchy shy smile she had. My mum glanced at me, adding, "Unlike some people."

    That's pretty much how the rest of the evening went – my mum loving Brie, making fun of me and Isaac trying to be a peacemaker. I was glad when it was over.

    "I can't wait to see you girls next week," Isaac said at the doorway, a smile on his lips. "It was lovely meeting you, Brie. Thank you for making our Y/N happy."

    Brie smiled, glancing at me, which gave me goosebumps oddly enough. She had a really pretty smile.

    "Anytime, Isaac," she said to him. "Congratulations to both of you again."

    "Bye!" Isaac said, waving with my mum.

    Brie and I headed to her car and I was glad when she set off.

    "That was... interesting," Brie spoke first, smiling with amusement.

    "I'm sorry," I said, sighing. "I know I was supposed to tell the truth, but god, my mum gets on my nerves so much. I felt like I had to prove her wrong and before I knew it, I was–"

    "Proving her wrong, I saw," Brie finished, now laughing. "It's fine, I get it. No offence, but what your mum said... it wasn't nice. I don't blame you for proving her wrong. You could easily get a, well, a girl like me, I guess."

    "Thanks, Brie," I said sincerely, smiling her way. "That means a lot."

    "Hey, I'm not finished," she said, glancing at me before looking back to the road. "You were mean, too. To yourself. All that shit you said about me being successful and beautiful and talented? You're all of those things and I can't believe you don't think so."

    "Brie, I–"

    "No," she cut me off, frowning. "Just because your mum puts you down doesn't mean you have to, too. I'm not faking this if you're going to keep doing that. Okay?"

    I nodded. "Okay. Sorry."

    "Don't apologise to me," she said, her voice softer now. "Just be nicer to yourself."

    I kept quiet, studying Brie. She was concentrating on driving, her lips pursed and her eyes staring out ahead. A whole evening spent with my mum and she still looked as good as new. Beautiful and anyone would agree.

    "You're a better fake girlfriend than some of the real girlfriends I've had," I admitted, chuckling.

    Brie shook her head, smiling a little. "Someone's gotta make sure you don't go insane."

    "Well I'm lucky it's you," I said gratefully, moving forward and giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks."

    She didn't reply, so I got comfortable and looked out the window, wondering what next week would bring.