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yannowhatigiveup · 3 years ago

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My One And Only - Chapter 24

Previous | Next | Master List

Sorry for making you wait a while for a short-ish chapter, I was sick and just wasn’t in the mood to write. I’ll try to write more often, I mean it!

Upon reaching her own rooftop, Ladybug de-transformed, leaving a tired Marinette where the spotted heroine once was. Tikki floated over to her desk to get a cookie before making herself comfortable next to Plagg, who was asleep. Marinette kissed her fingers and placed them on the red kwami's head before climbing into her own bed. Not bothering to stifle her yawn, Marinette pulled the covers over her cold body, almost instantly falling into a pleasant slumber.

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“Marinette! Your alarm has been going off for five minutes!” Marinette forced herself out of her bed at the sound of her mother’s voice.

“Coming Maman!” She tiredly shouted down the stairs. The girl turned her alarm off and made her way to the bathroom. After a warm shower she made her way back to her room, surprised to find her clothes already picked out. “Thank you, Tikki!”

The red kwami smiled at her owner. “Maybe no midnight runs tonight? You seem pretty tired this morning.” Marinette chuckled.

“Right, no midnight runs for tonight. Sorry Plagg.” The black kwami made his way over to Tikki as Marinette got changed.

“Shame, it would’ve been nice if you tried my miraculous out again.” Plagg said as Marinette was brushing her hair.

“No time for pigtails, I’ll just leave it down.” Marinette mumbled to herself. She grabbed her purse and opened it. “Alright, let’s go.” The two kwamis flew inside and Marinette closed her purse. Grabbing her backpack, Marinette made her way downstairs where her mother was waiting.

“Good morning, Marinette.” Sabine said as her daughter sat down, handing her a plate of croissants.

“Yum, thank you Maman.” Marinette ate the pastries quickly and drank her glass of water just as fast. She then placed her dishes in the sink and grabbed the backpack she had put down earlier. “Bye Maman!”

Marinette raced downstairs. “Have a good day at school Marinette!” Her father called as she ran past.

“Thank you Papa! Bye Papa!” Marinette opened the front door and ran towards the crossing. Unfortunately it was a red light for her, so she had to stand and wait. She realised that this was the crossing where she and Master Fu first met, when she saved him from an oncoming car. There were less people around this time, either staying home out of fear of Akumas, moving to some of the lesser populous areas of Paris, or leaving Paris entirely, moving to other places in France. Wistfully, she let the memories replay in her head, inwardly chuckling as it seems she hasn’t changed much since then. ‘I wonder how Master Fu is doing now?’

Then the pedestrian light turned green and she rushed down the cross walk to her school doors. She only just made it, the bell rang the moment she set foot on the school premises. Marinette sprinted to Mlle Bustier’s classroom, only just making it on time. She found that everyone, except Mlle Bustier, was there. She sat down next to Alya.

“You made it just on time girl.” Alya whispered to her, Mlle Bustier just walked into the classroom. Marinette stifled a giggle.

“I’m trying to get better.” She whispered back. The vermillion-haired teacher then began to take registration. Marinette and Alya exchanged a few words here and there, keeping their voices down so that way no one else could hear them.

Once Mlle Bustier had finished the register, she started the lesson. Marinette didn’t exactly pay attention to her teacher as she realised the Mlle Bustier was teaching a specific subject that Marinette knew off by heart, so the bluenette tuned her out. Even when Mlle Bustier asked her a question, Marinette answered with 100% accuracy. So much so that Marinette herself was impressed at her own words. ‘Maybe I am getting smarter’ she thought to herself. Until she reached Mlle Mendeleiev’s science class and she was handed a pop quiz paper. ‘Never mind’

Then, lunch time came around and she handed Mlle Mendeleiev her paper before leaving the classroom, waiting for her friends.

“I hate pop quizzes.” Alya groaned as she met Marinette outside the classroom.

“Me too babe” Nino sighed, linking both his and his girlfriend’s hands together.

“I hope I didn’t fail.” Adrien chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his neck.

“We’ll just have to wait and find out.” Chloe shrugged. “Now let’s go get some food.”

Marinette smiled and the friend group made their way to the cafeteria, grabbing their food before sitting down on one of the available tables. Alya and Nino sat on one side of the table, Chloe sat on the end and Marinette and Adrien sat next to each other. They didn’t think much of the seating plan, but someone else did.

Lila glanced over at their table from hers, her other classmates were so kindly bringing the brunette her food after she had told them that her ‘arthritis’ was acting up. This gave her time to observe her other classmates, the ones who refused to listen to her. Lila begrudgingly admired them for not falling into her pit of lies, but none of the others believed them, thankfully. What caught Lila’s attention was the fact that Marinette didn’t seem to be displaying romantic affection towards Adrien, like she had done many times before. ‘Maybe she doesn’t like him in that way anymore.’ Lila thought, a victorious smirk coming across her face. Though Lila hate to admit it, Marinette is a dangerous person to be enemies with. The bluenette could easily have her exposed with the right evidence, not like she could get said evidence anyway. Still, Lila would have to be careful around her. At least she didn’t have to compete with her for Adrien anymore.

“Aren’t they cute?” Rose’s high pitch voice caught Lila’s attention. The brunette turned to the shorter girl, a smile on her face as she thanked the blonde for bringing her food.

“Who?” Lila asked, biting the apple on her tray.

“Marinette and Adrien!” Rose stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Lila avoided choking on the apple as she heard Rose’s words.

“What makes you say that?” Lila questioned, her voice sickly sweet. The rest of the class now sat at her table.

“Well she’s comfortable talking to him, much more than she was before.” Rose pointed out and as much as Lila didn’t want to accept it, she had a point. “They’re such a cute couple!” Rose squealed.

Lila smiled through gritted teeth, “They sure are!” Then Marinette stood up and left the cafeteria, seemingly to use the bathroom. “I’ll be right back, I need to use the bathroom” Lila left before they could say anything else and went downstairs to where the bathrooms are. She opened the door and saw Marinette, washing her hands by the sink.

“Oh, hello Lila. I didn’t hear you come in.” Marinette beamed once she had finished washing her hands, her voice a forced sweet tone.

“Hey Marinette.” Lila replied, her voice in the same sickly sweet tone. Deciding to forget the fake greetings, Lila frowned. “You seemed very close to Adrien just then.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow. “What are you trying to suggest?”

Lila’s frown deepened. “I’m not blind, Marinette, I told you to back off of him. He’ll never love you.”

“So that’s what this is about?” Marinette sighed. “Look Lila, I’m not interested in Adrien anymore, I stopped having a crush on him for a while now.”

“I’m not empty-headed, Marinette. And this isn’t about some boy.” Lila crossed her arms, her anger getting control of her.

“Then what is it about, Lila?” Marinette inquired, her gaze hardening. “What is so important to you that you have to lie to others and make false promises to get it?” She stepped forward towards the brunette.

“As if I’d tell you.” Lila scoffed, copying Marinette’s movements and taking a step forward. “My goal is none of your concern, and I’ll do anything to reach it, even if it means lying to others.”

“What you’re doing is much worse than lying, Lila, you’re manipulating them!” Marinette raised her voice.

“What they don’t know, won’t hurt.” Lila seethed, turning and leaving the restroom, leaving Marinette there alone. The bluenette only had to wait a few moments before the door opened again, this time it was Alya instead of the lying snake.

“You got everything?” Marinette asked her best friend.

In response, Alya held her phone up high, a satisfied smirk on her face. “Every word.” The bespectacled girl put her phone in her pocket. “Lie-la won’t know what hit her.”

Marinette high-fived her best friend. “Let’s go back to lunch.”

“Right behind you girl.”

~~~

Bruce and Tim sat in the meeting room, they were joined by a few of their managers. They called the meeting to begin preparations for the internship competition, they had all collectively agreed to the competition.

“I can get someone from my department to handle the scheduling for the winning class’ stay.” Someone on the table mentioned. Tim nodded.

“Yes that would be appreciated. The first week will be when the internship part of the program takes place, the first half of the second week they can attend Gotham Academy and the second half will be gifted to them as free days.” Tim stated, finishing with a small sip of his coffee.

“There will be a period of time before the internship week begins, during this time they shall tour around Gotham and learn about our cities’ history. The end of the trip will be scheduled after the winning class is chosen.” Bruce added on.

The people in the room nodded their heads. “I’ll start handling the advertising after this meeting.” Someone else told the CEOs. “When do you want to announce the competition?”

“As soon as possible, preferably when all arrangements can be done and put on standby for the winning class.” Tim told the team.

“If there is anything else anyone would wish to add on?” Bruce asked, his classic billionaire smile on his face. Everyone shook their heads. “Excellent, this meeting is now over.” At his words, all the managers in the room stood up, took their documents and made their way out of the room. Bruce and Tim were the only ones left.

“Well that’s completed.” Tim sighed, gulping his coffee down. “How will we make sure that the winners are from Paris?”

“From the perspective of the Parisians, this will be a good opportunity for them, considering that the villain in Paris is an emotionally based one.” Bruce stated, putting a pen that had fallen from a pen holder back. “They’ll be able to properly express themselves without fear of being turned into a monster. Statically it’s more safe for them too, all the usual criminals are locked up in Arkham, and the chances of being attacked by an Akuma are much higher than having one of them break out.”

The Co-CEO nodded, “It’s more or less impossible for everyone in Paris to be feeling positive, meaning that there will be many requests from there. So do we up the expectations in the submissions?” Tim inquired.

Bruce shook his head. “The team will be given the same checklist, the works will be given to many judges until they reach Lucius. He already knows that we’re looking for pieces specifically from Paris so he’ll search for those exclusively and pass the best ones onto us. He’ll also receive the ones that were approved by others.” As he was saying this, both him and Tim were walking out of the meeting room side by side.

“And if none of the entries from Paris make it that far?” Tim asked once more, making sure to think of many situations that they could swerve around.

“Then we’ll choose the best one from the ones we were received.” Bruce affirmed, stopping himself from walking as Tim went to refill his cup. Once he returned, Bruce spoke up again. “We’ll be sure to make it fair next year.”

Tim hummed. “Usually there would be a charity gala at the end of the trip, is that still happening?” The blue-eyed man took another sip from his coffee, shrugging when his adoptive father raised an eyebrow and sighed.

“Under normal circumstances, yes, but I figured since we need information, it would be best to invite them for dinner one night, that way we can interrogate them under the impression of mere curiosity.” Bruce reached his office doors.

“Yeah that will work.” Tim murmured, his eyes fixed on the coffee cup. He then turned his attention to his adoptive father. “I’ll see you later then, Bruce.”

Bruce nodded. “Have a good day, Tim.” The billionaire watched as his adoptive son walked away to his office, before entering his own.

~~~

The school day had finished, many have gone home and the sky was beginning to darken. Adrien sat on one of the chairs in Mayor Bourgeois’s hotel, waiting for Chloe to come back. She had offered to get them both drinks and snacks, luckily his father gave him permission to come to her place. Recently there was a thought in the back of his mind, he wasn’t quite sure what to make of it so this visit was in his favour, Adrien wanted to talk to Chloe about it.

“Alright I’ve got us some snacks and drinks.” Chloe said as she arrived, tray in hand. She put it down on a side table that was in between her’s and Adrien’s chair. “Help yourself.”

Chloe took one of the drinks from the tray while Adrien took one of the croissants. He nibbled on it, trying to prolong the conversation as much as possible. However, he was much more hungrier than he expected. Adrien finished the croissant in mere minutes. Stopping himself from taking another one, Adrien sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Chloe asked, placing her drink down.

“You know what you told me a while ago?” Adrien scratched the back of his neck. Chloe raised one eyebrow in confusion, causing him to elaborate. “When you said that Marinette was your lesbian awakening?”

“Her and Kagami, but yeah, why’d you ask?” Chloe looked patiently at her friend.

“How… how did you know for sure that you’re into girls?” Adrien hesitantly asked, trying to find the right words.

Chloe hummed, taking a sip from her drink. “Well first I thought I had a crush on you, but you seemed close like family. I guess it sort of hit me after I started blushing whenever I thought of Marinette. And after I could see myself dating Kagami.” Chloe shrugged. “Why’d you ask?”

Adrien took a deep breath. “I did have a crush on Marinette, but I also had a thing for Luka.”

“Really?” Chloe seemed quite chill, from what Adrien could see. Adrien let out a breath of relief.

“Yeah, I also find Damian kind of attractive… He’s good looking true BUT! I don’t have a crush on him, so don’t tell tell Mari.” Adrien huffed, taking another croissant from the tray.

Chloe giggled. “Don’t worry I won’t tell her. Also,” She leaned forward. “Am I the first person you’ve told this too?” After a while, Adrien nodded. “I’m happy that you can trust me Adrien and don’t worry, I will never judge you, none of us will.”

“My father will.” Adrien mumbled, nibbling on the pastry.

“Well if he does, I’ll bring my wrath onto him. My mother will too.” Chloe placed her hand on Adrien’s shoulder in a comforting gesture. “Don’t let others choose who you love, Adrien, only you can do that.”

“Thank you, Chloe”, Adrien smiled at his friend.

“Any time.” She smiled back before reaching for her drink today. “By the way, what did you get on question 4 on the quiz earlier?”

Adrien ran the memory through his head. “I got… sodium bromine.”

Chloe shot him a confused look. “I got the number two.”

“Did… did you even read the question?” Adrien asked, bewildered while trying not to offend the blonde.

“Yeah I did, doesn’t mean I understood it.” Chloe murmured. Adrien laughed in good humour, Chloe joined in. He would have finished nearly all of the croissants, if Chloe didn’t steal the last one. But Adrien didn’t really mind, he didn’t get much time to spend with his friends nowadays, so he cherished every moment. Even if he did want that croissant.

———

Taglist: @little-bluestar,@miracleofadisaster,@frieddonutsweets,@jjmjjktth,@genderfluidmomadragon,@starlit-dreaming,@icerosecrystal,@lolieg,@kashlyn,@mochegato,@eggadoodle,@walkingthroughonautopilot,@toodaloo-kangaroo,@lady-bee-fechin,@weebjai1,@trippingovermyfeet

#daminette #marinette x damian #maridami #maribat #damianette #damian x marinette #mlb x dc #ml x dc

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illfoandillfie · 3 years ago

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Impersonal

As promised, here’s the smutty followup to yesterday’s blurb! This is the fifth post of seven in my Platonically themed event. Again, it’s not really been edited because it’s late and I’m very tired but alas, thats how it goes.

Words: 2,278

Warning: some vague dom/sub dynamic stuff with a more dom Ben, spanking, it’s P in V sex but theres a lot of talk about butts. Also they’re still dorks.

It had been a nice day. You and Ben had gone out with a few friends, just a little picnic in the park to catch up with everyone. If you’d been at all worried about publicly being together on a no romo day, then it was for nothing. As much as everyone there considered you and Ben to be an item, it mostly went ignored, aside from a couple of questions about how you’d gone living together so far. But having such a big lunch, everyone having brought something to share, neither of you were especially hungry at dinner time. Ben whipped up a pot of butted noodles for you to pick at as you watched TV but it was soon set aside as you shifted to lean against the arm rest with your legs stretched out to lay over Ben’s thighs. Each of you were engrossed in your phones more than the quiz show he’d flicked on, occasionally sharing something you saw or read.

You had opened tumblr and were scrolling through your dash, pausing to read longer bits here and there but mostly just liking images and reblogging memes. Until you hit a patch of not safe for work content. One of the porn blogs you’d long since forgotten you’d followed had hit a rare patch of activity, every second post one of theirs. Those posts you paid a little more attention to, especially when videos and explicit images were involved since you knew they were likely to be taken down soon and you didn’t want to miss out on seeing something hot. Unfortunately your headphones were in another room so you weren’t game to turn the sound on for any of the videos but the visuals and erotic comments below were enough to make you feel as if the room as heated up. You could feel yourself getting wetter at each new post but couldn’t seem to stop looking at them.

A particularly good video of a sloppy blowjob made you clench your thighs together, your foot rubbing against Ben’s thigh as a result. His palm came to rest on the top of your foot, rubbing it soothingly, though his attention was still elsewhere. In fact, his gaze didn’t shift until a little later when you were looking at a very hot gifset of a woman on all fours, crying as she was pounded from behind. He cleared his throat. You jolted a little at the sound and tried not to look too guilty as you met his eye. “You okay?” “Mmhmm,” His eyes travelled over you from the lip between your teeth to your tightly pressed thighs and your fingers wrapped firmly around the phone. “I don’t mean to interrupt,” he said, clearly meaning to do exactly that, “but ummmm, are you watching porn right now?” “No,” you answered too quickly. “Hey, you don’t have to hide it if you are, go nuts. I’m just a little curious about what’s turned you on so much you’re practically panting. And can I help?” “I’m not watching anything. It’s just some gifs I saw.” “Well I think QPR law states you have to show me or you’d be a big meanie.” You chuckled and handed the phone to Ben, a little curious about how he’d react. Ben watched the gifs through a couple of times before nodding, “Yeah, that’s uhhh, that’s pretty hot,” he rubbed your foot again as he kept watching the looped footage. “Are you turned on?” “Yeah, a bit,” “Hmmm, same.” “Should we-” “Do you wanna-” You spoke at the same time and then both laughed a little as you simultaneously agreed, “Yeah.” Immediately you swung your legs around intending to walk towards the bedroom and Ben followed for about two steps before he stopped suddenly, “Wait. This is a no romo day, right? Do you still feel anti-romance?” “Yes and yeah I think so. Why?” Ben shrugged, “I don’t think we’ve ever had sex on a no romo day so...how does it work?” “Oh, good point. Well.” you wanted to keep it brief, already worked up and wanting to move to the fun part, “I think it’s probably best if we keep it on kind of the rougher side, a little impersonal even. Could you maybe hit it from behind? I’m not really sure eye contact and all that stuff would be as fun for me right now.” “No need to ask twice. My hot partner wants me to look at her gorgeous arse while I fuck her? Yeah definitely into that.” “Jesus I’d forgotten you’re an arse man.” It was true too. As much as Ben might prefer ass to tits he also enjoyed the visual stimulation of watching you – seeing the pleasure on your face, watching your body react to his. So, while doggy style was a regular position for you, variations of missionary and cowgirl were probably a little more frequent. Which was wonderful, except not what you needed right then. Ben responded by poking his tongue out you but he seemed quite as eager to move things along, “So rough doggy then? Can I spank you?” “You’d be into that?” He shrugged, “I know we haven’t really done anything kinky yet but yeah, I enjoy spanking. I mean...watching an arse jiggle after it’s hit is incredibly hot.” You giggled, “spanking is very okay then. You could be a little mean too if you wanted, maybe calling me a degrading name to get at that impersonal thing. Slut maybe.” He hummed uncertainly, “I can try it if you really want but I gotta admit I’m not as into degrading stuff as I am spanking.” “It’s fine if you don’t, whatever works. Honestly, I’m already super horny so just do whatever you’re comfortable with and don’t get too gentle or loving with it, and I’ll be happy.” “I can definitely do rough for you. For instance,” You gasped as Ben grasped your hips and turned you around, positioning you in front of the arm of the couch before he pushed you to bend over it. It was a surprise considering Ben’s typical nature. He had his controlling or domineering moments but generally seemed happiest when he was showering you in affection or letting you take charge. Adding to the surprise was the way he tugged your pants down to your knees and began to touch you through your underwear. It made you squirm, trying to find a little more friction, but he only gave you a quick spank. Not overly hard but it didn’t have to be to make you feel tingly. Just knowing Ben was capable of an action like that was hot enough. All the same he pulled your knickers down too and ran his fingers through your folds. “Wow, okay. You meant it when you said you were horny. Pretty wet already.” “No shit Sherlock. You know I don’t need lines like that that get you interested in fucking me.” He gave you another slap for your insolence. “Better get you stretched out then, hadn’t we?” You felt two of Ben’s fingers rest against your entrance and expected to feel them sink into you too. But it didn’t happen. “What’s the hold up, Tiger? Ow,” the spank had been a little harder than the last. “If you want them so bad, do it yourself.” Your breath caught as you realised what he meant and you shifted your hips back, levering yourself against the arm of the couch, until you felt his fingers penetrate you. “That’s it Kitten. You’re too horny to wait, aren’t you? God you’ve got such a pretty arse. Giving me the best view right now. Your needy cunt soaking my fingers while your arse,” he hit you again, “jiggles. It’s making me so hard.” You whined, unable to find a better response, and rocked back against his fingers, slowly fucking yourself on them. He let you go on like that for a little while, happy to listen to your hitched breaths and needy sighs as you got a little of what you needed. But then he pulled his fingers from you. You let out a disappointed whimper, “Ben, c’mon,” “I’m so hard from watching you be so desperate. Just gotta get my pants off. But you can play with yourself for me, can’t you?” You nodded and shifted so you could drop your fingers to your pussy. Ben gave your arse another slap, “Not what I meant Kitten. Play with your arse.” Startled by the low growl in his voice you quickly complied, leaning on the couch as your brought both hands up to grab your arse cheeks, squeezing them and pulling them apart to better show off your holes.” “That’s very good, Kitten. Spank yourself.” It wasn’t the same as when Ben spanked you since you knew what was coming and the position didn’t allow you to get as much force into your hits as he could. But it was definitely arousing and it definitely seemed to work for Ben. You’d barely registered the sound of his pants dropping before he was sliding into your wet and waiting cunt. “I can take it from here,” Ben’s hands replaced yours, groping your arse as you dropped your arms back to the couch, though you felt it was useless to try and prop yourself up on them. It would only be a matter of time before you collapsed entirely.

At first he kept the pace slower, letting you adjust to him, though each thrust was forceful, just as you’d asked it to be. But gradually Ben sped up, hands still playing with your cheeks, sometimes grabbing and sometimes spanking them. He tried to say more about how hot it was to take you like that but his own breath was escaping him as the words seemed to be. So he let his body talk for him as he pounded your cunt and dug his fingers into your flesh. And then he pulled out. You were on the verge of asking him who the fuck he thought he was when he said, “one second. Just want to try something.” and then, remembering he was meant to be acting mean, added, “And you just want me to keep fucking you, so you’re not going to complain.” In a disgruntled daze you let Ben help you up onto the back of the couch so that one leg was bent to lean against the arm he’d just had you bent over and the other dangled towards the floor. It took a little more adjustment before Ben was happy. First pulling you back towards him and the corner of the couch, and then pressing you to lean forward so your hips were raised and he could better access your pussy. You had to grab onto the back of the couch for support, digging your fingertips into the leather as Ben resumed fucking you. The angle had changed a little and the position was slightly more awkward to maintain but it was worth it for the way your clit rubbed against the smooth leather, leaving a trail of wetness behind. Each thrust rocked your hips in such a way that you quickly found yourself getting close to release.

That, however, seemed to be Ben’s plan as he began telling you how good you were going to make him feel when he made you cum. “I know you’re close Kitten. So just cum. I want to feel your cunt on me when you do.” He lay another few spanks to your arse cheeks and that tipped you over into your orgasm. But Ben didn’t stop. “I th-think you can do bett-er than that,” he grit out as you clenched around him and he seemed to thrust twice as hard as he had before, “You were so,” You grunted as he plowed into you. “So desperate before. So you can cum better than that. Right kitten?” You nodded and gasped out a, “Yes” as your arms shook with how hard Ben was fucking you. But he didn’t relent. He kept going until he felt you tighten again and heard you moan, nearly sobbing as relief flooded your system. That seemed to be enough for Ben and he let himself go too, holding your hip tightly as he pressed deep into you.

Ben leaned his forehead against your back as he tried to regain his regular breathing rate and gave you a quick kiss there before he righted himself and helped you to dismount the couch. The evidence of your orgasms was still smeared across the leather but neither of you paid it any attention. “Sorry I never called you a slut or anything,” Ben said with a slightly self-conscious chuckle, avoiding your eye as he hitched his pants back into place. “I just like Kitten better.” “Don’t be,” you said mirroring his actions to looking at him, “Kitten worked perfectly. Also, that was really good. Maybe you could be rough and mean more often?” “The double orgasm was a pretty good indication that it worked for you,” “Of shut up, I was being serious. It was really hot.” “Yes but I like teasing you, remember,” “Prick.” “That hurts,” he said with a fake gasp and a hand against his chest, “Keep talking like that and I’ll have to spank you again,” “Ha ha, very funny. Tease me all you want but we both you enjoyed it as much as I did.” “Maybe I did.” he conceded, “but I wasn’t going to hate it when I was watching your arse.” “Alright, you perv. Was there any leftover noodles? Bit peckish now.” “Yeah, in the fridge. Grab me some too would you?”

#my writing #my blurbs #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy smut #ben hardy imagine #does this make sense? who knows!#am i turned on from thinking about it? absolutely!#am i also literally about to fall asleep? yes!#its after midnight and this has been a long week!#g'night!!#platonically event

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faerune · 3 years ago

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I was tagged to take this quiz for my OCs by @chuckhansen! Thank you, queen!! 💗🌸

Tagging: @solasan, @prometheas, @arborstone, @bibuffy, @jmiacolt, @queennymeria, @shadowglens, @dredgenyoure, @attraeus, @gorotakemura, @druidgroves, @bvckybvnes, and anyone else who wants to!

— an undoing influence

Can someone tell you what to do? You have been carrying so much love within you for so long it is starting to turn into anger (why does it matter, all you see is red anyways) and you have been dragging this body through each day and every night you are split open on your bed and it is so so so lonely. If someone were to walk in while you were on your bed that way and they stitched you back in a new way, lining the seams with their love and kisses, you’d probably find this dreary world a little more bearable. You want someone to turn you over and over until you look in the mirror and see yourself looking back at yourself with a gentleness which has been lacking in you since forever.

— violent devotion

Everyone seems to think you are faithless, but the thing is you haven’t yet found someone who will bring you to your knees and make you raise your head in reverence. This world has stopped bringing you joy, you want more of the divine. You want to dedicate your entire existence to someone; you want to make them realise they are not something terrible, make them see just how much beauty they are bringing to this world. You want to be the only one for them, the only one they have chosen to love. There’s a god shaped pit inside of you and only they can fit in it. And what if they choose to walk away? Didn’t I say this was violent devotion?

— a story that ends in blood

The world has always been unkind, and when you have turned to yourself for comfort you have come face to face with an empty pit which seems to be laughing. You don’t care if it kills you but once you find someone whom you love and who loves you back, you will make sure nothing happens to them. They are yours. You will make a tear in this world and create a new place for you and your love if it comes to that. Because it has always been about love, and it is how it always ends.

#these make me rabid oh my godd #they all fit so well #oc: mia #oc: nelia #oc: tess #emily got tagged

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fific7 · 4 years ago

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Dangerous and Divine - Part 7

Billy Russo x Reader

Summary: Billy Russo is an itch you don’t want to scratch. But he’s all over you like a rash.

A/N: This does not follow canon, it’s mainly fluff & some lemon zest 🍋 The GIF is from Exposed, unreleased pilot show in case you’re wondering 😌... Billy vibes.

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content including oral between consenting adults, some stalking behaviour. Some drinking & swearing.

(My GIF)

It could have some bearing on the case, she thought, trying to justify this course of action to herself.

She ignored that other little voice in her head which said to her that she was just plain jealous.

Madani’s heels clicked briskly along the corridor and once she turned into her office, she back-heeled the door closed.

She’d come into the office earlier than usual, as she knew deep down that she’d no real justification for using Homeland resources to find out whatever information she could on Billy’s little lady friend.

Her re-usable coffee cup hit the desk with a small bang, her bag got dropped onto the floor and she shoved it further to one side with her foot. She sat down at her desk and switched on her laptop, then quickly signed in and navigated to one of Homeland’s most comprehensive databases, aka WESL. Federal agencies did love their acronyms. This one was actually a little in-joke within her agency; it was pronounced ‘weasel’ and the letters stood for Where Everyone’s Shit Lives. You could find out just about anything about anyone in there.

Madani didn’t know the woman’s name but that wouldn’t stop her. Breadcrumbs, a little trail of breadcrumbs - she’d follow that trail until she tracked her down. Fingers flying over the keyboard, she typed in the name and address of the café in Chelsea. That led to the parent company, and she thought at first she might have to dig through all the company data to find a personnel list.

But no such data-mining was necessary. There on the very first page of company details was a photograph of the CEO. Madani leant back in her chair and took a sip of her almost-cold coffee, staring - no, glaring - at the photo and taking in every detail.

Well, well, well. Not a waitress then.

She cut and pasted the woman’s name into another part of the database, and hit Search. It listed up a whole string of links, and Madani started scrolling through all the minute details of her life, including each of her social media accounts.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy woke you early the next morning with a coffee and several croissants he’d swiped the previous evening from your café, and which he’d warmed through under the grill. “Hey!” you yawned, “I’m the only one who gets to eat my profits!” (This was one of your favourite sayings, mainly because that’s exactly what you did. Not to a huge extent, but still.)

He grinned down at you, “No, I am too! - due to my privileged position.” You got up, heading to the bathroom, saying, “And what would that be, then?” but you had a feeling you already knew the answer you were going to hear. “Your boyfriend!” yelled Billy, as you disappeared down the corridor, laughing at him.

You were also thinking that it hadn’t taken him long to get back into that particular stride. The two of you had spent the entire previous evening having unhurried, sensual make-up sex. He’d been very tender with you, eyes soft, stroking your face and kissing you gently, whispering that you didn’t know how happy you’d made him by giving him another chance. However your legs and back were still aching a bit from some of the gymnastic poses Billy had put you into while pleasuring you beyond belief. You were sure you’d nearly blacked out during one of your several orgasms.

Returning somewhat refreshed, you joined him back in bed and lazed for a little while, watching TV and drinking your coffee and eating your croissant. He’d apologised about the coffee, grinning and saying he knew it wasn’t up to your high standards, but it was the best he could do with his humble little countertop coffee machine. But you’d assured him it was perfectly drinkable, adding that he obviously hadn’t noticed it was the same one you had at home. He’d looked extremely pleased with himself, like a little kid who’d got a gold star at kindergarten. Adorable, in other words.

Deciding that you weren’t going to rush into work that morning, you’d glanced over at Billy at one point, watching him watching TV as he lay on his back, when you noticed that the sheet lying across him had its own version of the Great Pyramid sitting proudly above a certain part of his anatomy. Deciding that this looked like it needed exploring, you ran your hand down his chest onto his stomach then on under the sheet, finding an alert and interested cock, it being very much up and about already. You wrapped your hand around it and gave it a very firm stroke.

Billy gave a low groan when you touched him, sliding his hand over yours on top of the sheet. His feet went flat on the mattress, knees moving up into the air, and he opened his legs to let you cup his balls with your other hand, while you laid your head on his chest. His eyes sparkled at you as you looked up at him, “Whatcha doin’ down there, angel?” he grinned. “Exploring,” you replied, before whipping back the sheet and fastening your lips around his tip. His body went rigid, “Ohhhh!” spilling out of his mouth in surprise. He’d gone down on you numerous times, but suddenly you realised that you hadn’t returned the favour... until now.

You began to lick and suck on him, tongue running up and down his length before swirling back round his tip, adding in little kitten licks and kisses before sucking him off in earnest. You felt his hips starting to give small involuntary thrusts, and you gave his balls a firm massage in your palm. He moaned, long and low, a hand going to the back of your head. His tip grazed the back of your throat but somehow you managed not to gag, then angled your head slightly to take him in even deeper.

By now, Billy was very gently fucking upwards into your mouth, hands gripping the bunched-up sheets, head thrown back with his eyes squeezed shut, then craning up off the pillows to watch you working him, his eyes wide and wild. You pulled back momentarily, taking a deep breath while running your thumb firstly over his tip, then over his slit which was seriously weeping precum, before returning your mouth to his cock. “Oh, fuck,” he ground out as you did so, followed by your name in a long-drawn out whisper. You felt him suddenly tense up, the warmth of his come in your mouth and throat; greedily you swallowed it all up, savouring his salty taste.

You moved your mouth away and slowly licked him a few times as he softened, before delicately wiping your lips with a finger. Billy lay back on the pillows, huffing out little breaths, his dark chocolate eyes finding yours and a big grin appearing on his face. “Damn... you truly are a goddess.” You regally inclined your head, smiling, “Of course I am, lover boy.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy dropped you off at Chelsea later that morning, before heading off to Anvil.

On the drive over there, figuring it was better to quiz him in the car - hopefully less confrontational - you’d very neutrally asked him if he had to see Madani that day. He’d sighed, running a hand through his hair and saying, “Yeah, angel, I do. She’s not gonna be pleased - I ran out on her, left her sitting in the restaurant on her own.”

“Such a shame. I really feel for her,” you muttered, sulkily. He burst out laughing, “Are you jealous?” You looked across at him, deciding to be be honest about your feelings for once, “You know what, Billy? Yes, I am... I don’t like it that you’re going to go crawling back to her. Making all sweet and nice and flirty again with another woman. Why would I be OK with that?” You crossed your arms in front of you, annoyingly you just knew you were pouting, “There you go. I’m jealous. Happy now?”

Looking across at you and chuckling, he said, “Yeah, I am! Look, firstly, gotta admit I love that you’re jealous and told me you are. Means you can’t deny you’ve got feelings for me, angel! Secondly, you truly don’t need to be jealous. I’ll be polite and friendly towards her, nothing more - no more flirting and absolutely no more kissing.” His hand found its way to your thigh and gave a couple of little squeezes, as he told you in a low, sexy voice, “You know that I only have eyes for you. You know I only want you. You’re my girl,” before grabbing your hand and kissing your knuckles.

He’d leant over and kissed you passionately, grabbing you back for more as you made to leave the car.

As you were crossing the street, you realised you were still wearing yesterday’s clothes. Shit. Oh well. You pulled your jacket closed at your neck and went inside the café. Waving a hand and calling out your usual greeting, you hurried upstairs and disappeared into your office. Luckily, you had a selection of clothes stashed up there, for just such an occasion. After changing into a pale pink shirt, black jeans and pale pink Converse, you felt much more able to face the day. Hopefully no-one would notice your clothes had miraculously changed since you’d arrived.

You were wading through a pile of paperwork when a discrepancy you’d noticed yesterday on a delivery note popped into your mind, to do with a recent shipment of coffee beans. You’d meant to check with Jake about it at the time, but had forgotten due to all the Billy stressing you’d been doing. So you made your way downstairs to go through it with him now.

The two of you had been running through the delivered stock vs the delivery note numbers, and as you were counting a stack of coffee bean bags, noticed a woman sitting over by the window with her back to you. It was her hair which had caught your attention. Looked like the same colour and style as the woman in the restaurant with Billy. You frowned, no it couldn’t be.

Then she’d turned her head slightly to watch as a monster truck drove by the café, and you were suddenly sure it was her. You took a deep breath, okay - this was weird. You went back to where Jake was standing, “Hey, did you happen to notice when that woman over there came in?” He tilted his head past yours to look at her, “Uhhh, maybe 10 minutes ago? Why, d’you know her or something?” You shook your head, “No, just thought I saw her in the restaurant Karen and I went to for lunch yesterday. Seems a bit strange she’d turn up here today,” you shrugged, “but it’s probably not her.”

You returned to your mini-stocktake and the next time you looked her way, she’d gone.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Madani arrived back at the office and the first person she spotted was Billy Russo, talking and laughing with Sam. She smirked to herself, wonder what he’d do if he knew she’d just dropped in on his ‘lady friend’. He saw her, his face became serious, and she jerked her head towards her office.

He strolled in behind her, all tall dark handsomeness, and she had to take a couple of deep breaths to stay composed as she turned towards him. Really fucking gorgeous, she thought, looking at him. Which made her anger and jealousy bubble up again, knowing that he’d probably been stringing her along all the time. And she’d decided to call him out on it.

“Russo,” she said in a harsh tone, sitting down at her desk. He also sat down, across from her, and began, “Look, sorry about yesterday....” She slapped her hand down on the desk, making him jump very slightly and stop speaking. “You don’t have to explain, I’ve figured it out for myself.” An eyebrow quirking up at her, “And just what have you figured out, Dinah?”

Triumphantly, she said one thing - his lady friend’s name, and was rewarded by seeing some colour drain from his face. Then his expression hardened and he stood up, walking over to her bookshelf and leaning on it, looking over at her. “And? What’s your point?”

She laughed, “Well, I followed you yesterday when you headed out to Chelsea.” He looked surprised. “Saw you leaving with her and taking her back to your place,” she went on. “Looked her up this morning, huh... not a waitress as I first thought.” His mouth pulled into a tight line, “No, she certainly isn’t,” he bit out.

She stood and walked right up to him, too close for comfort but he had nowhere to go. Gazing right into his eyes, she asked, “Does she know we kissed, Billy? Were maybe about to take it further than that? Huh?”

He stared at her, “Yeah, she does.” She smirked, “And how does she feel about that? Take it she saw us in the restaurant. How happy about us is she?” She felt a momentary spark of hope in her chest, maybe he’d told the woman about this last night and she’d told him to take a hike.

He stood up straight, “Dinah... there is no ‘we’, there is no ‘us’. It was all just a little harmless flirting between co-workers.” Moving towards the door, he turned back to her, “We need to get our concentration back onto the case.”

Then his face softened a little, “And I’m sorry if I made you think it was anything else, but it isn’t. I only met her a few days ago, but we’re already in a relationship. It’s serious.” Her mouth dropped open before it changed into a sneer, “A relationship? You? Since when do you do relationships!”

“Since I met her, Dinah,” he said simply, and left her office, closing the door behind him.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

By mid-afternoon, Madani was ready to get out of the office. Her attention span had been all over the place, and she couldn’t bring herself to focus on anything much. All she could think about was the Russo situation. She couldn’t believe it, she really couldn’t.

She was sure he’d felt much more than just ‘harmless flirting’ for her, as he’d claimed earlier. Ridiculous! How dare he try and flip it off as some passing fancy - which had now fully passed, according to him.

Half an hour later, she was parking her SUV in Chelsea again. She sat and thought about the woman inside the café across the road for a few minutes. Russo had claimed that while he’d only been seeing her for a few days, he’d told her all about the two of them. But he could easily be lying. What if he’d been seeing his so-called ‘new’ lady for a lot longer, all the while flirting with her and taking her out on dates? Because that’s what they were, in her head. How could any girlfriend just accept all that and carry on as if it meant nothing?

She just couldn’t leave it alone. And she was going to find out if she did know about all the flirting, the lunches, the drinks after work, the kiss. One way or another. She opened her car door, got out and locked it, before crossing over and walking towards the café.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

@blackbirddaredevil23 @galaxyjane

#ben barnes #billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo imagine #billy russo fanfiction

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nicknellie · 4 years ago

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Anonymous requested: I know in a post you said something about Alex getting sensory overload so for the requests maybe Alex getting sensory overload and Willie being there to do his best to help Alex out

Ahhh, I love this request so much! This is my favourite Alex headcanon that I have so I’m really glad you requested this. I wrote it as a mixture of what I go through when I get sensory overload and also what I’ve found through research so more people can hopefully relate. I haven’t proof-read it yet, but I’ll come back and do that later. Thank you so much for the request!

Title from All You’re Dreaming Of by Liam Gallagher.

TW: sensory overload, anxiety

When The World Is At Its Worst

Alex had three extremes: worrying himself so much that he overworked, worrying himself so much that he got nothing done, and worrying himself so much that he broke. Normally, he could cope with pushing himself too hard – at least that way he got things done, and when he ran out of errands to make himself run it gave him some time to relax and recalibrate. Getting little done was more stressful, but it tended to happen less often, so Alex didn’t see it as much of a problem. What Alex struggled with the most was pulling himself back together when he felt utterly ruined.

Sometimes – not as often as he worked too hard, but not as seldom as he worked too little – Alex would worry himself to the point where everything simply became too much. The point where every sensation was painfully overwhelming, distressing in a way nothing else really compared too. Lights shone too brightly, noises were amplified tenfold, and if something was touching him he could feel it like a hand clasped too tightly on his skin. His parents had said it was just him being sensitive, Willie had said it was probably something called sensory overload, but Alex just wished it didn’t happen to him.

The worst part was that it was usually caused by him working himself too hard, something he didn’t think he could have ever stopped if he tried. He would worry, which would make him work, which would worry him more if things weren’t going well, and then his mind would dissolve into a mess of disarrayed senses and feelings and it hurt. He would shut down, which only seemed to make his anxieties worse.

It hadn’t happened in a while though, so that made Alex feel a little better about the whole thing. Maybe, if he’d got lucky for once, those episodes were starting to go away. Maybe he didn’t have to worry about them so much now that they hadn’t happened in a few months. Maybe he could start to get on with his life as normal. He could hope, at the very least.

Exams week was coming up at Los Feliz. For Alex, when exam stress hit, it hit hard. He wasn’t even sure what worried him so much about exams. Perhaps it was the big fiasco that school always made about exams, having to sit in total silence with the threat of disqualification looming over you so much that it was nerve-wracking to even lift your head to look at the time. Perhaps it was the orderly rows and having an entire year group lumped in the hall together, making it feel so formal and suffocating and painfully important in a way it almost certainly wasn’t. Perhaps it was the unpredictability of it all, not knowing what would come up or what it would be best to revise.

It didn’t matter too much to Alex what was stressing him out – even when he knew what was causing his nerves, he had never been much good at combatting them. His strategy this time was to prepare for the exams as much as he could, force himself to soak in as much information as possible. He just wanted to give himself a chance to be confident that he knew everything because just maybe that would help him do well and calm down.

He had enlisted Willie to help him revise over the weekend. Willie was more than happy to do so – he had said he was looking forward to spending some quality time with his boyfriend even if it was just the two of them pouring over a biology revision guide for four hours straight. If Alex hadn’t been so conscious that he needed to be revising, he would have felt bad that he was spending time with Willie without spending time with him, but thankfully Willie truly didn’t seem to mind.

“Ten out of ten, hotdog,” Willie said triumphantly after Alex had given them his final answer to the quick quiz Willie had been giving him. “Third time in a row, too. You’re going to ace this test.”

Alex closed his eyes and rubbed his fingers against his temples. He didn’t say anything. Willie had sounded certain that Alex would do well for the whole day, but the truth was that Alex felt like he was guessing most of the answers and getting them right by pure chance. Either that or Willie was giving him the benefit of the doubt and saying he was right when he was actually miles off. Despite the fact that he had constantly shown he knew what he was talking about, he still felt completely clueless.

Willie didn’t seem best pleased with Alex’s silence. “Hey,” they said, gently taking one of Alex’s hands. “You know your stuff. You’ll be fine. And if you’re really that worried, you’ve still got the rest of the week to refresh your memory. We’ve got this.”

Alex hummed noncommittally. He heard Willie sigh.

“Why don’t we take a quick break?” Willie suggested, running his hand through Alex’s hair.

At that, Alex’s eyes shot open, he sat up and immediately stiffened, looking wide-eyed at a baffled Willie.

“No,” he said, “I don’t need to take a break. I’m not going to be able to learn all this if I take time out.”

Willie looked at him, his brown eyes sympathetic. “I don’t want to push you too hard. At least get up and get a glass of water – we’ve been sat in the same place for hours, it’ll do you good to clear your head.”

“I don’t need to,” Alex repeated. How could he get up and walk away when he still had five more topics to cover? When he needed to doublecheck he understood everything and still have time to solve some physics problems afterwards? He couldn’t just ‘take a break’. It would ruin everything.

“Are you sure?” Willie said. They didn’t look convinced, but Alex wasn’t going to back down. He knew what he needed to do and he was going to stick to it.

He nodded shortly and then flicked to a new page. “Test me on this,” he told Willie, who – with a reluctant sigh – began to ask him questions about the information.

The problem was that Willie’s suggestion had thrown Alex off-balance. Now all he could think of was not working and how that would be detrimental, it didn’t even cross his mind that it didn’t matter because he was still working now. He suddenly found himself unable to concentrate on the questions and the ridiculously long sciencey words Willie was using, his mind bogged down with practical methods and half-remembered equations that had nothing to do with what he was revising.

He quickly started getting questions wrong, saying the first thing that came to mind only to be told that the right answer was something he should have known because it was obvious. With each wrong answer he became more and more distressed, tears stinging his eyes, feeling stupid.

“Breathe, Alex,” Willie said. “Take your time with the questions, you don’t need to rush it. This isn’t the exam, it’s just you and me here. You have all the time you need.”

But, Alex wanted to say, I won’t have all that time when the exam comes and I need to get this right now. He didn’t get how Willie couldn’t see that. So he kept guessing, giving answers he was sure were wrong, but his mind feeling so fogged that he couldn’t think of anything else.

He didn’t even realise he had started crying until Willie reached out to wipe a tear from his cheek and the sensation wasn’t soothing – he could feel it so deeply that it almost hurt.

Without thinking, he shuffled across the bed where they were both sat, out of Willie’s reach. For a brief moment, Willie looked confused, but then they seemed to realise what was going on and he didn’t try to move any closer.

Alex hated this feeling and he had been so sure that it was going to stop happening. But he had clearly been wrong, because now that he was sat in a different place it felt wrong. The way he could see his bedroom, from a slightly different angle to before, felt so strange and so alien that it hurt. The bedcovers he was sat on now were too cold and coarse against his skin, so he pulled his legs against his chest. That moved his shirt slightly, and he became painfully aware of how the material felt, how it clung to his body like a second skin, and that hurt too. He realised that the lights in his room were too bright, far too bright, so he clamped his eyes shut and slapped his hands over his eyes.

He heard the ruffling of bedsheets, presumably as Willie got up from the bed. He heard him flick the light-switch off and pull the curtains closed – a click that he felt like a knife in his skull and a grating drag that pounded against his ears. He pressed his thumbs over his ears while still keeping his hands over his eyes, trying to block out the noise. Everything was too loud, too bright, too something to be comfortable. He couldn’t talk, he couldn’t move.

He felt trapped.

There was no telling how long it went on for. He couldn’t move his hands away from his eyes to look at his watch, not that it was really the biggest thing weighing on his mind. In fact, for the first time in hours, there wasn’t much on his mind at all apart from how he just wanted to go back to feeling comfortable. He wanted to hear without it being too loud, look at things without hurting his eyes, take that break Willie had suggested – and probably apologise to Willie too.

These things usually lasted quite a while. If Alex had to guess, it would have been about fifteen minutes since he shuffled away from Willie when he slowly took his hands away from his eyes and ears and drew in a great, shuddering breath. He blinked his eyes open and was grateful that Willie had turned the lights down. He looked over to where Willie was, perched on the edge of the bed, watching Alex’s face carefully. Willie raised his eyebrows, asking a silent question, and Alex nodded.

“Can I touch you?” they asked softly. Again, Alex just nodded, still not feeling able to speak.

Gently, Willie reached out his hand and did the same thing that had sparked the overload in the first place, wiping away tears from Alex’s cheek. This time Alex didn’t shuffle away, but he didn’t lean into Willie’s touch either; it wasn’t insufferable anymore, but it still wasn’t pleasant.

“What do you need me to do for you, Alex?” Willie asked.

Alex thought for a moment, then made himself reach out and take Willie’s hand. Willie held it tightly, knowing that light touches were often worse than firm ones. Alex let his fingers gently trail along Willie’s palm and their wrist. He looked tearily into Willie’s eyes and almost felt himself smile at the reassuring look on Willie’s face.

“You’re okay, hotdog,” Willie told him. “You’re through the worst of it now. Just breathe. Dry your eyes and breathe.”

He did as he said, wiping at the dried tears on his cheeks with the back of his hand. Willie squeezed his hand, close, reassuring, encouraging. He didn’t talk, he just let Alex calm down the way he needed to, saving most of the noise for when Alex was definitely ready.

“I’m sorry,” Alex croaked eventually. His voice box felt dry and scratchy.

Willie shook their head. “You have nothing to apologise for. You can’t help it.”

“I should be able to by now,” Alex protested.

“You might never be able to,” Willie said matter-of-factly. “That’s not a bad thing, it’s just something that happens to you. It sucks, of course it does, but this might be a part of you forever. You don’t need to apologise for something beyond your control.”

“It shouldn’t be beyond my control.”

Willie left a hesitant pause but then seemed to make his mind up. “Don’t let your parents get that into your head. Don’t let them make you believe that. I don’t care what they say about this – they don’t get it. Alex, there’s nothing about this that makes you weak or too sensitive or whatever it is they tell you. Lots of people get sensory overload, it’s not something alien or weird. It’s not something you can stop forever, so please don’t hurt yourself trying to.”

Alex looked at him, suddenly teary-eyed again. “I don’t want it to happen forever.”

“I’m not saying we can’t do things to make it better,” they replied kindly. “I’m sure there’s techniques that can make it easier to deal with, even if they don’t prevent it forever. Or maybe it’s time we looked at getting you some therapy or counselling. What do you think?”

“My parents would never let me get help like that,” Alex said, chuckling darkly.

For just a moment though, he let himself think about it. He let himself wonder what it would be like if he could see a professional and get the right kind of help. Maybe he would learn not only how to calm his sensory overload but also how to control his anxiety better in general. Maybe if he’d been getting the right kind of help before all this then he wouldn’t have had the exam stress anyway and he wouldn’t even be having this conversation. There were endless possibilities but he was sure he’d never see any of them come to light.

“If you don’t want to tell them about it then we could wait until you turn eighteen,” Willie suggested, squeezing Alex’s hand again. “That way you don’t need parental permission.”

“That’s not for another three months,” Alex said petulantly.

“So?”

“So what if it stops by then?”

Willie raised his eyebrows. “Do you think it will have?”

Alex couldn’t have given an honest answer. He said nothing, just pulled himself to Willie and hugged him tightly. He felt their arms instantly loop around his waist, their hands planting themselves firmly on his back. Alex buried his face into Willie’s shoulder, holding him as close as he possibly could, all of a sudden wanting to touch him as much as he could.

“You’re going to be okay, hotdog,” Willie said, pressing a gentle kiss to Alex’s cheek. “I promise.”

“I believe you.”

Taglist (if you want to be added or removed just let me know): @ace-bookworm @williexmercer @willex-owns-my-heart @itstiger720 @the-reckless-and-the-brave @that-one-newsie @bluedarkness @lookingthroughmirrors @tmp-jatp @salty-star @julieandthequeers @lmaohuh @sunnysbright

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phillipsgraves · 3 years ago

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i was tagged to take this quiz for some of my ocs by @chuckhansen, @shadowglens, and @radlurk! thank you besties <3

tagging @jmiacolt, @cobb-vanthss, @dredgenyoure, @euryalex, @loriane-elmuerto, @kourumi, @chyrstis, @earthmightiest, @jackiesarch, and anyone else who'd like to try! sorry for any double tags and as always no pressure!

↠ a story that ends in blood

↠ an undoing influence

↠ violent devotion

↠ a knife called grief

You have left your house, you have left those people behind, but what are you going to do about the memories which have taken root in you? You can run but not without them. You want someone to sit with you on this cool marble floor while the sun burns everything. You want them to cut your rotten heart and theirs too. You want to sit with it in front of you, let them see you with all your flaws, which haven’t been your fault but you have been made to believe so, and you want them to love you anyways. Because you know you’d do that for them.

#per my previous post i promise this wasnt rigged <3 #tag games #oc: alex hawke #oc: athela mahariel #oc: pandora anthea #oc: venus rockwell

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moonnightyoongi · 5 years ago

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yours | mark

love me like im never gonna leave, love me like im yours

word count: 2k

genre: angst (mainly), fluff, swearing (tehe)

a/n: just can’t stop thinkin of mark

based off the song yours | alina baraz

It had happened more than once, in fact you were definitely somewhere in the double digits but you couldn’t stop. Everything about him was intoxicating, the way he looked at you and the way he smiled at you, the smirk he had on his face when he would open the door to you - it was cocky and even though you hated it nothing could make you turn around and go back home. His voice was smooth and no matter what you asked him he never stuttered, there was a simple answer to everything.

Except one question.

“What is this?”

You had asked him one night and you swear every single bit of colour he had in his body drained and he was left with his mouth open, small stutters coming out. You looked at him and realised what it was and what it always would be… sex. There was no hope of anything progressing past it so you simply shut your feelings off and continued to fuck him.

“Are you leaving?” He asks as you rolled out of the bed.

“Of course,” you reply searching for your dress, “I gotta get back to the wedding.”

“You already left, why do you need to go back?”

“Because my sister is so drunk she won’t remember giving me the go ahead to leave. Besides I have four missed calls from my mum and I don’t think using the excuse that I’m looking at her and waving is going to work at 1am.”

“Just stay here.”

“Why would I do that? I got a room in a 5 star hotel and a massage booked in the morning,” you frown.

“I want you to stay,” he says.

“Well I want a 5 star hotel room and a massage,” you fire back. His smile falls for a second before he looks out the window.

“Can I come with you?” He asks.

“I specifically remember you saying you never want to meet a family member or be my date to my sisters wedding,” you reply.

“I don’t, I wanna have sex in a 5 star hotel room,” he smirks. You look at him and roll your eyes, he was always so good at getting what he wanted out of you, you would move heaven and earth for him if he asked.

“Get dressed,” you sigh.

“Shall I put on my best trench coat?” He jokes.

“It’s cold, you won’t have a penis left if you do.”

He falls silent and looks at you, blinking harshly, “You’re so crude sometimes.”

“Oh sorry, do you not like hearing about how your penis will shrivel up from the cold temperature?”

He laughs, “Sweatpants it is.””

“Jeans, it’s a 5 star hotel Mark. You can’t stroll in wearing sweatpants.”

“Oh, its the brush your hair before going down to breakfast kinda vibe?” He asks.

“Brush your teeth too,” you reply.

“Can’t have orange juice then.”

“It’s the price you pay to not be judged by Gary, 55, on a business trip.”

“Where do you get these names from?” He asks laughing and throwing on a clean t-shirt.

“They just come to me,” you reply, “Zip up my dress.”

“It’s a very pretty dress,” he says walking over to you, “Floor length gowns suit you.”

“I’m just glad she let me get a navy dress and not that God awful pink dress,” you tell him. You shudder at the thought of the dress, it was a bright pink that made your eyes sore, even the thought of it irritated your eyes again. Of course, it nearly was the dress you had to wear because the meter of the groom thought you looked absolutely delightful ‘like a strawberry cheesecake’. Last time you checked you weren’t a fucking dessert.

Mark’s hand touched the bottom of your back as you moved your hair out the way to avoid it getting caught in the zipper (again). His touch was soft, like he was afraid he would break you (or the zipper). Zipping it up slowly, he paused halfway through - letting out a sigh.

“Ah yes, do take your time Mark, there’s only a 55 year old woman waiting to chop my balls off,” you say. He lets out a laugh and you feel his breath on your shoulders causing you to shiver, even his light touch was enough to drive you mad. All you wanted was him to be yours.

“Done,” he says obviously coming out of his trance and finishing your zipper quickly.

“Let’s go,” you tell him, “Uber’s nearly here.”

<—>

She was like a dog to a bone, as soon as the Uber pulled up in front of the hotel she was rushing down the stairs ready to pounce on you. Until she saw Mark get out of the car with you.

“Who is this?” Your mum asks surprised.

“My friend Mark,” you reply with an awkward smile. She stares at him before putting her hand out for him to shake.

“Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” he smiles.

“Where the fuck have you been?” She snaps looking at you, clearly breaking out of her Mark trance.

“With Mark, he needed me,” you say. It was partly true, he had needed you - just a different kind of need.

“I had locked myself out,” he says, “My roommates are all out and not answering their phones.”

“We tried to get in through an open window but he nearly dropped me,” you lie.

“That’s so you, even when you’re not the one navigating you get lost.”

“What?” You ask confused.

“Who knows, I asked your father to get me vodka and he got me whiskey. It’s my nonsense drink,” she dismisses, “He’s useless, all men are. Your poor sister, her husband is the worst. He tripped over a table cloth today, how could he miss it? The floor is brown and the cloth was fucking white, not to mention there was also a table underneath it.”

“Go to bed mum,” you cut in.

“Is Mark staying with you?” She asks.

“Yes.”

“You know the rules.”

“I can’t leave the door of the room open, anyone could come in.”

“Leave the bathroom door open,” she says turning on her heel.

“Wh-,” Mark begins.

You shake your head and cut him off, “Don’t question it, she’ll start another conversation that’ll last another 10 minutes and I haven’t got it in me to de-code her.”

“Are you the same on whiskey?” Mark asks as you both walk up the steps of the hotel.

“Gin!” Your mother shouts, “Gin is her mumbling drink. On her birthday last year she started to recite the whole script from the film The Bee Movie. I don’t know know where she learnt it, we were always such Shrek people.”

“What is going on?” Mark asks, eyes raised.

“Don’t ask,” you reply, “Where’s your room mum? We’ll walk you.’

“Don’t be silly, there’s your father. FATHER!” She shouts, “Wait he’s not my father, MICK!”

“Who the fuck is Mick?” You ask her, “Dad! Take her, she’s driving me insane.”

You walk her over to him and he smiles weakly, “She’s been watching a lot of shows lately, Mick is one of the characters.”

“You hope,” you smile before walking back over to Mark, “Let’s get to the room quick, she might start reciting Shrek.”

“Donkey!” You hear her shout as you run up the staircase to the floor you were on.

“It’s begun,” you say looking at him. He laughs loudly as you walk down the hallway to the room you would be staying in.

“Fancy,” he says kicking off his shoes and unbuttoning his jeans. He looked around intently while all you could do was stare at him, he looked beautiful even with his messy hair and tired eyes. Part of you was so glad he asked if he could come, you didn’t want to leave him - well, ever.

“What are you thinking about?” He asks snapping you out of your daydream.

“My mum,” you lie.

“She’s really funny.”

“Lucky for you she’s so drunk she won’t remember she met you tomorrow,” you say throwing the room key on the desk.

“I don’t mind if she does,” he says walking into the room.

You smile awkwardly once more and lean against the desk, unsure of what move to make. You normally knew what you were going to do when you saw Mark - but this felt like alien territory. Would you lie next to him? Turn the TV on and watch shitty morning television shows? Or would you simply sleep 2 feet apart?

“Come here,” Mark says putting his hands out for you to take.

“What do you want?” You ask accepting them and letting him pull you towards him.

“What are you really thinking?”

“About what to do.”

“We could just relax and watch TV, order some room service?”

“That sounds really nice,” you smile.

<—>

Less than hour later you both sat on the bed eating ribs and watching some stupid quiz show. Everyone answer you shouted was wrong of course, how did people know these things? How didn’t you know these things?

Times like this felt nice, it was just you two doing normal things together. It wasn’t some quick hook up then ended with you leaving after it was done and feeling shit as you walked out the door, him not even batting an eyelid at you.

“How do people know these things?” Mark asks.

“That’s what I was thinking,” you reply throwing the rib bone on the plate and sighing, “I ate too much.”

“You don’t need to get back into the dress, you’ll be fine.”

“I’ll be bloated for my massage tomorrow.”

“She’ll deflate you,” he jokes.

“He’ll,” you correct.

“A male massage therapist, lucky you.”

“Hm, he’ll apply more pressure,” you say lying down and rubbing your eyes.

“Can I admit something to you?” He asks.

“You always wanted to be a massage therapist?” You joke.

“No,” he laughs moving to lie down next to you, “I really enjoy your company.”

“I bet you do.”

“No, I mean your company. Like that night we played games and the winner got oral,” he says, “I like doing those things with you.”

“Cause’ you always win and get oral,” you tell him.

He looks at you seriously before looking down, “Yeah, because I always win.”

You almost didn’t believe him till the smirk reappeared on his face seconds later, “Wanna play a game?”

“Goodnight Mark,” you groan turning over.

“Goodnight Y/N,” he whispers.

You never wanted it to be morning. You wanted to stay in this moment with him. You wanted to feel his body heat next to you forever, you wanted to stay up late doing stupid mundane things with him.

You wanted him to be yours.

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lil-papaya-tifosi · 5 years ago

Text

You find out how often they jack off.

Admin: Buns 🐰

Jin

You walk past the kitchen, hearing a snippit of a conversation.

'I can't believe you don't do it that much...' You heard Hoseok laugh, a sound of a smack vibrating through your ears and your boyfriends familiar voice ringing through. 'Aish! Shut up would you? It's not that big of a deal!'

'What's not that big of a deal?' You tease, revealing yourself to them, Jin blushes bright red, instantly wondering how much of the conversation you heard. It's not like he's bothered, he's just wondering if he said anything inappropriate.

'Why don't you ask your boyfriend? I'll leave you too it!' Hoseok teased, running out of the kitchen, calling Yoongi's name as he went. You raise an eye brow expectantly at him, waiting for him to speak. He groaned, rubbing his hands through his hair.

'He's making fun of me because I don't masterbate all that much.' He confesses, making you snort. Standing on your tippy toes, you plant a little kiss on his lips.

'He's just jealous he has to use his hand, where you have me to do anything you want. So is there something you're after Jinnie?' You tease, biting your lip, trailing your hand down his front.

Yoongi

He groaned, running his hand through his hair, looking down at the paper, littered with his handwriting. You sat behind him scrolling through your social media. Raising an eyebrow you regard him curiously, tilting your head to the side.

'Stressed?`

'And depressed, not well dressed, but what's new.' He answers sarcastically, making you snort out a laugh. Standing up from the couch, you walk over to him, running your hands over his shoulders.

'If you're so stressed why don't you just jack off? I can leave for an hour or so.' You suggest, kissing the top of his head.

'I don't do that in here, it makes a mess that I don't have time to clean up. Besides, why would I jack off when the one I would fantasize about is right here.' He replied, giving you a knowing glance, as he turned in his chair.

'You don't jack off?' Was the only thing you pulled from the confession, making him laugh.

'Why would I when your mouth feels so much better. On your knees baby, can you do that for me?' He smirked, watching you sink down onto your knees with minimum persuasion.

Hoseok

You come home from a long work shift, excited to stand under a scorching hot stream of water for minimum 30 minutes. You strip on your way to the bathroom, knowing if anyone was home, it was only Hobi. You heard grunting coming from the bathroom, assuming he's having a shower right now. You wait a couple minutes, knowing he doesn't usually take as long as you.

After about 5 minutes, you grow bored, deciding if he wasn't coming out, you were going in.

'Hoseok hurry up I'm-oh hello...' You pause, smirking as you take in the sight. Hoseok stood under the stream of water, steam fogging up glass and mirrors. Hoever, you could still see the clear outline of his muscular arm, moving back and forth, slowing down slightly now. Hand grasping his hard length.

'You're home early.' Is all he says, voice deep and raspy. You smirk, pushing the door shut, stepping towards the glass door of the shower.

'I am, and thank god I am. Oh, don't stop on my account baby, just you keep going.' You smirk, watching him speed his hand up again, head hitting off the wall behind him. You watch amused, trailing a finger down his chest, stopping as you reach his dick.

'How many times do you do this?' You question, motioning to the position he's in right now. He heaves his chest, reaching closer and closer to his end.

'At least twice a day, give or take. I can't help missing you when you're gone baby.' He growls, pulling you closer, lips latching onto your neck. 'And don't think you're in control because you found me like this. I'm sure you're just dripping at the sight, am I right angel?'

Namjoon

You never thought you would walk in on him like this. Hand wrapped around himself, head thrown back as whimpers leave his lips. He should really start locking his office door, or at least putting a sock on the handle when he was doing shit like this. You sputtered out an apology quickly, slamming the door and running down the hall. It's not like you had never seen him naked, or thought about things like this with him. It's just never happened. You sat in the canteen, staring at the cupcake placed in front of you before realising someone had sat down in front of you.

'I'm so sorry.' He whispered, trying not to attract attention. The tips of his ears were pink along with his cheeks and down his neck, the rest covered by his shirt. You shook your head, waving your hands just above the table.

'Don't even mention it, I should have knocked.' You reply, picking at the cupcake.

'I don't really do it that often just so you know. Unless it's a random boner I won't usually take care of it in the office. I'm rambling but I need to tell you, just so you don't think there's cum all over my office space, there's not I swear.' He stops, hearing the laughter fall from your lips. You stop finally, and thankfully he looks a lot more relaxed.

'If you promise you washed your hands, you can have some of the cupcake.' You tease, raising an eyebrow at him. He holds his pinky out, looping it with yours.

'I didn't.' He smirks, causing you to yank your hand away, staring at it horrified. You'll get him for this.

Jimin

He wanted sex a lot, most of the time you would give it to him. He was so thirsty sometimes though. You could literally have just finished fucking, and he's back on you asking for more. So, in conclusion, you knew he jacked off a lot, being the sexual deviant he was. Today, was no exception.

'Baby, please, just one more time I promise.' He pleads, kissing your shoulder, down to your shoulder blade, nipping at the skin.

'You said that an hour ago, Jimin, just go jack off please I'm so tired.' You replied, swatting his hand away. He grumbled, rolling off your body, resting his back on the headboard.

'Will you watch me?' He questioned, sounding so disgustingly cute, despite the actions that were about to take place. You turned over resting your head on your hands, biting down on your lip, he began, slowly, tugging his hand over his member, bolts of pleasure shaking his body. You couldn't resist letting one hand glide gently up his thigh.

Jimin was a sexual deviant, but you weren't much better yourself. 'Last time.' You whispered in his ear, pulling his earlobe between your teeth.

Taehyung

'Edging?' You question, not really sure where he was going with this. You tilt your head to the side, innocent look on your face. Taehyung wanted to blow his load then and there. How could you look so innocent, catching him with his hand over his dick, out in the open like this. He had been so close to letting it all go, then your voice penatrated his eardrums from the doorway.

He had been edging himself for about three days, he didn't like to jack off, just to jack off. He wanted it to be a big thing when it was over, he wanted to build it up, make it worth it. You had caught him just at his wits end, finally ready to let go.

'It means I jack off for a while, but I don't finish, not until I want to.' You smirk, looking down at his still unbuttoned jeans, dick still hard in his pants.

'And did you want to? Right then I mean?' He just nods, biting down on his lip to suppress the moan wanting to bubble up his throat.

'Then do it...but I won't be leaving.' You tease, sitting back on the couch, getting ready for the show.

Jungkook

Jungkook never had much privacy, always living and sleeping in the same room as another man. He didn't jack off much, but living with you now, he did it whenever he had a chance, finally enjoying freedom and privacy at its finest. On this rare occasion, you came home earlier than expected, finding him naked on the couch, trying a little too hard to hide his crotch from you.

You had just smirked, walking over to him, sitting on the couch.

'What we watching kookie?' You tease, knowing full well he has no idea what is on, that it was on for background noise.

'Uh, some show, about uh, zebras?' He questions you back, as if it was a quiz. You snort, looking down at the pillow on his lap.

'Got anything interesting under there?' You tease, touching the edge of the pillow, grazing your hand on his thigh. He let out a little groan, lulling his head back. You pull the pillow out from his hands, seeing his dick spring up, head looking red and angry.

'Kookie, we're you playing with yourself?' You provoke him, crawling ontop, finger tip gathering what you could of his precum. A whimper left his mouth, along with a small plea for assistance.

'Don't worry kookie, I'll help you out if you return the favour.' You smirk, sinking down his body.

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jasonbehrs · 4 years ago

Photo

something that i already know

by airauralintensity (aka me, jasonbehrs!)

As soon as Siwon says it, he can see the way so much clicks into place in Shindong’s astute, masterful, beautiful mind… But not even Shindong can draw the correct conclusion when he isn’t provided with every relevant fact. If he could, they would have cleared the air so long ago.

fandom: kpop, super junior characters: siwon, shindong, eunhyuk ships: shinwon, sihyuk genres: friendship, angst, romance themes: slice of life, one-sided crush, angst with a happy ending setting: high school into college; metro seoul area, south korea word count: 12.7k

read it below or on ffnet, aff, wattpad

A/N (05/01/2021): Hi, ELF! This is my first Super Junior fanfic :) Title comes from the Backstreet Boys song of the same name; cover image is made by me; and if you recognise anything in the fic, that means I don't own it. Happy reading!

~~~

It's never easy being the new kid in school, and Donghee is no exception. He has no friends; he has to play a lot of catch-up in the first few weeks because where his old teachers left off doesn't match up to where his new teachers are picking up; and he has to spend precious emotional energy acclimating to the culture and social politics.

Add in the fact that it's senior year, and he's at the most elite academy in Gyeonggi on a scholarship—he's seen this K-drama before. He knows how it ends.

"Hey! You're the new kid, Shin Donghee, right? Can I sit here?"

Admittedly, Tall, Bright, and Handsome doesn't usually come up to bully the new kid with such a charming smile on his face in the script, but Donghee still knows his role.

"Yeah, got it. Sorry. Didn't know this was your seat," he mumbles as he hurriedly packs up his lunch and books. He's not trying to make waves on his first day, thank you very much.

"No, no," T.B.H. puts out his hand to stop him from putting his planner away, and Donghee is shocked into stillness from the glaringly off-script performance that the other is putting on. "I meant, like, can I sit with you? I didn't know if you wanted to sit alone or not; but if you wanted the option for company, here I am."

Another winsome smile graces the other's face, and Donghee's eyes narrow. "Are you sure you wanna sit with the scholarship kid?" he asks sardonically. He isn't trying to get away anymore, but he's still not convinced he's welcome here.

Tall, Bright, and Handsome's light dims just a bit, but his pout is still effortlessly charming. It's almost offensive. "Come on. We're not like that here."

Donghee looks no further than just above the other's shoulder and sees a group of girls whispering and giggling in their direction. He looks back at the well-meaning but clueless hero of the story and raises an unimpressed eyebrow. T.B.H. looks over his shoulder to see what he saw, and he at least has the grace to be embarrassed when he turns back around.

Donghee is prepared to give a half-conciliatory, half-I told you so parting glance, but the other student keeps talking. "I'll admit, that's not a good look for us," he says with a grimace, "but would you believe me if I said they were acting like that because of me and not you?"

Considering he's been calling the guy 'Tall, Bright, and Handsome' in his head this whole time, yeah, he could believe it.

Hoping against hope that he isn't about to regret this, Donghee sits back down at the lunch table. T.B.H.'s smile is so bright, Donghee thinks he saw one of the guy's front teeth actually sparkle. "I'm Choi Siwon," he introduces as he extends his hand. Donghee shakes it and wryly thinks to himself that of course T.B.H.'s real name means 'cool.'

~~~

To nobody's surprise, Siwon is part of the popular crowd, which Donghee determines by the look on everyone's faces when Siwon invites him to sit with his friends at lunch the next day. The guys weren't exactly welcoming, but they were polite. He doesn't know whether maybe Siwon said something to them or not about being nice to the new kid; but honestly, he'll take it. He's still not entirely convinced that this is the setup for some sort of 'Carrie' situation or something. It's senior year after all, so prom is coming up.

It isn't until Siwon invites them all over to study together that things shift.

"Bro, what the fuck," Kangin says out of the blue, causing everyone to look up and causing Donghee to drop the pencil he was playing with. Kangin is staring at him—more specifically, his hand—and everyone's attention turns to him instead.

"Uh," he intones, not sure what is happening here and suddenly feeling the urge to look up.

"Do that again," Kangin demands, gesturing at Donghee's hand. His fingers twitch involuntarily at the command, but he genuinely has no clue what he's meant to do. He looks to Siwon with a clear plea for help on his face.

"Youngwoon, what gives?" Siwon asks, using Kangin's real name to snap him out of whatever is captivating the varsity baseball captain.

"Donghee was legit balancing a fucking pencil on his finger!" Kangin exclaims while gesturing helplessly at Donghee's hand.

Donghee understands immediately. "Ah, sorry. I forgot I did that." Without further prompting, he balances his pencil on its eraser at the tip of his middle finger. He moves his hand side to side for fun, showing off how the graphite tip stays roughly at the same point in the air all the while. With a flick of his finger, he launches the pencil up and catches it in mid-air, smoothly transitioning to end with a bow in his seat with the same gesture.

He looks up to find four slack-jawed teenage boys, and he brags, "I can do that with basically anything I can lift."

All pretenses of studying are summarily discarded in favour of testing this theory. Donghee easily balances notebooks, folding chairs, and even a curtain pole (dismantled from the window by an excited Heechul and reinstalled by an amused Siwon).

Once the others are thoroughly entertained, they don't want to go back to studying. Alas, they are at Siwon's house; as rich as he is, he doesn't have any convenient distractions (which Donghee surmises is the point of going to Siwon's to study in the first place). Kibum's the one to recommend just going to the local convenience store and walking around for no reason, which feels a lot like acceptance to Donghee.

In fact, it isn't long until he finds himself hanging out with some of the guys sans Siwon.

Kibum hands Donghee part of his deck for some trading card game he's never even heard of before, much more played; but after two rounds and a gradual learning of the rules, Donghee is now locked into a 1v1 match against Kibum, having just killed Heechul's last creature card.

"You sure your name's Shin Donghee and not Hee Shindong?" Heechul mutters as he throws his cards on the table. "Like, what can't you do?"

Donghee isn't paying him any attention then, instead supremely focused on using his impromptu green-black strategy to beat Kibum with his own deck.

So he's surprised when the next day Heechul slaps his back and says, "Yah! Shindong! I've been calling you for like five minutes!" as he falls into step with Donghee on his way to school. "Run me through the lymphatic system one more time." Donghee obligingly pulls out his notebook and helps his friend cram for their biology quiz that day, but his mind is somewhere else.

He's never had a nickname before, and he likes it.

~~~

Siwon is nothing like what he expects.

He spends most of his free time with the guys now, and he keeps coming back to that realisation.

Siwon is touchy. Like, more affectionate than a dog or a baby could be—combined. Kibum may be the youngest, but Siwon is the baby, and no one seems to mind treating him as such. Shindong is a man who likes his personal space, but Siwon's touches are so genuinely friendly and joyful that he finds himself readily inviting them into his bubble.

Siwon is expressive. Casual observers would never notice more than his charming smile and runway-ready neutral gaze, but he and the guys know better than that. Siwon talks with his whole body. His amusement is measured in congratulatory high-fives, and his stress in head shakes and tapping fingers. Shindong can always tell what he's thinking and feeling.

Siwon is down-to-earth. He's the richest in their friend group by a whole social class, but nothing about him plays on Shindong's financial insecurities. In fact, the first time Shindong hosted his friends over, the power went out, and Siwon was the only one who happened to recognise the strategically placed candles and matches around the living room. He wordlessly helped Shindong light them back up and suggested they take advantage of the dark to tell scary stories. Shindong will always be grateful for that.

Siwon is single. Sure, he doesn't give off playboy vibes, but he is certainly the poster child for monogamy. Shindong would not have been surprised to meet a loving, long-term girlfriend who is just as angelic as Siwon is and somehow twice as gorgeous, but no such person exists. Shindong has seen girls confess to Siwon literally once a day since they became friends (the record for a single day is currently four confessions), but Siwon graciously yet firmly denies them all.

Siwon is his best friend. It starts with study sessions, which turn into de-stress movie nights, which turn into sleepovers—and before he knows it, people from teachers to strangers start considering them a package deal. Shindong doesn't mind, of course. Siwon is less intense when he's not around the others, more introspective and goals-oriented—and Shindong can relate. It's great to have a friend who gets both sides of him and around whom he can comfortably show both sides. He didn't have one at his old school, but he's glad he has someone now.

~~~

"Want the rest of my pork?" Kibum offers Shindong at lunch. "Nah, I don't believe in cannibalism," Shindong says, even as he begins transferring the meat over to his own lunch tray.

The table is silent for a moment, but luckily he places his tray down just as Kangin decides to lay an open-palm slap to his back, laughing uproariously. Heechul is legitimately choking on his own food, and Kibum gives him a nod with a grin to acknowledge the joke.

Shindong feels pretty pleased with himself—he just knew that joke would land—and he glances over at Siwon to see the other's reaction. To his surprise, Siwon is staring at the table with a furrowed brow instead. Shindong frowns but lets it go. It's too bad Siwon was too busy thinking to hear his joke.

After lunch, the two of them only have the last class of the day together, and he notices Siwon still seems to be in a sour mood. Shindong racks his brain trying to remember if Siwon had a test he was worried about today. Maybe he feels like he failed?

"Hey, man," he calls out to Siwon after the final bell rings. "Wanna get some gyoza? On me."

Siwon's face brightens for the first time since lunch, and Shindong knows he made the right call; but in the time it takes for them to head to the Japanese place near his house and settle into a booth, Siwon's mood is dark again.

The table is quiet as Siwon plays with his food, making no move to eat any. Shindong stuffs two fried shrimp pieces in his mouth as casually as possible. Don't ask him why, but he thinks talking with his mouth full will help break the ice. "Hey, you good? You've been in a mood all day."

Siwon briefly meets Shindong's carefully neutral stare then averts his eyes to the table. "I don't like it when you do that," he mutters.

Shindong freezes with the next set of two gyoza halfway to his mouth. "Eat? Sorry man, I'm very diligent about my eat-anything-in-sight diet. If I stopped being fat, the girls at school would be all over me instead of you, which would disturb the balance of our friendship." He ends with a bite of dumpling and a cheeky grin.

"No, that! The self-deprecating jokes about your size!"

They both freeze. Siwon did not mean to blurt it out like that.

He deflates a little in his seat in embarrassment. "I don't like them. They make me sad," he continues in a much quieter tone.

Shindong did not see this coming and, frankly, has no idea how to react. "Um, you want me to stop being fat?"

"No, I want you to stop drawing attention to it. It's like you have to make a mean joke about your size first before anyone else can. No one in the group would ever be mean to you about it; I wouldn't let them," Siwon states adamantly. He means every word. The second one of the others crosses a line, he wouldn't hesitate to make sure they never, ever did it again.

The words are out before Shindong fully thinks about them. "You can say the word 'fat,' Siwon. Newsflash, I am fat. I'm as fat as you are tall. It's just something about me. I won't hesitate to make a fat joke any sooner than Heechul would hesitate to make a bi joke." His frustration surprises even himself, so he takes a sip from his water to calm down.

Siwon takes that as his cue to plead his case, and pleading he is. "It doesn't bother you that that's the part of yourself you decide to play up for the jokes? You're a great dancer, and you're quick on your feet—literally and figuratively! You'd be so great at, like, slapstick or something!" Shindong snorts, but Siwon forges on. "I just don't like seeing my friends laugh at you for… for being fat when you're so much more than that."

Shindong doesn't say anything, just lowers his head, and Siwon sighs. "You want to make a fat joke, don't you." "AND I'M SO MUCH ALREADY—okay. I'm done, I'm done."

Siwon withers and lets his head drop to his arms on the table. Shindong laughs, all tension dissipated. "So, this is clearly bothering you a lot," he needlessly observes. Siwon nods his head without lifting it up, and Shindong takes pity on him. "Alright, I'll try to tone it down. Or maybe I'll do like you said and just sprinkle in other kinds of jokes. No one likes a one-trick pony anyway."

Siwon peeks up through his eyelashes, and Shindong nods faux-sagely. "And maybe in the future when I'm rich and can afford therapy, I'll find out you're right and my brand of humour was simply a defense mechanism for some deeply internalised fatphobia all along. Then you could say, 'I told you so.'"

Siwon shakes his head resolutely. "That's not something I want to be right about."

Shindong shrugs in a 'suit yourself' manner and goes back to eating, and Siwon follows suit.

After a stretch of companionable silence, Siwon speaks up again. "I knew you're fat—I know it—but I don't think I understood that being fat was a part of you. Thank you for giving me a chance to understand you better. I thought I was intervening in something unhealthy, but I see now that that wasn't as righteous as I thought it was." He pauses then and doesn't continue until Shindong looks up to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry if I came off as insensitive or, worse, embarrassed. You don't embarrass me, Donghee."

Shindong looks back down at his food, unsure of what the emotion is in Siwon's voice as the other said his real name. "I know, but thank you."

~~~

Shindong is everything he didn't know he needs.

As the school year progresses, Siwon finds himself feeling lighter and lighter, and he can trace all of his growing juvenescence directly to his new best friend.

Shindong values hard work. The other guys are great at their own things, but they're missing that fire under their butts that makes them actually try. Shindong doesn't just put in the effort; he also appreciates the challenge and sees it as an opportunity instead. Shindong empowers Siwon to embrace his own challenges in a way that he didn't feel like he could do until Shindong came around.

Shindong tries new things. Siwon is a rather adventurous guy himself, but that's not what he means. Shindong picks up and drops hobbies as quickly as Heechul switches partners, and he's amassed a great wealth of knowledge as a result. He's dynamic, and Siwon could never get bored of the way Shindong talks about his niche interest du jour.

Shindong speaks his mind. His friend group is made up of some pretty lax guys, which is great until some of them get into an argument. They never really talk things out, instead waiting until it's no longer annoying to be in the same room and just choosing to let it go. When Shindong is offended, you'll know. When he's wrong, he'll admit it. It does lead to some tension at first, but they all end up better for it as a result, and Siwon wishes he could be that brave.

Shindong trusts him. When Siwon was planning on hosting the guys over at his house for Kangin's birthday since he has an indoor pool and hot tub, Shindong shyly asked him to think of something else because he's afraid of water. That was a request Siwon was more than happy to oblige if it meant including Shindong in the festivities.

Shindong doesn't need him to be 'on' all the time. One time Kangin invited himself over to one of their hangouts—he and Shindong had planned to read the newspaper together to catch up on current events and financial affairs—and he got bored and complained that they should do something more fun. Before Siwon could worry Shindong felt the same way, the other had sassily defended their brand of bonding and just told Kangin to leave if he didn't like it. Siwon loves the fact that Shindong cherishes that quiet time together as much as he does.

Siwon thinks he maybe just loves Shindong.

~~~

Shindong slides into the seat beside Siwon in their first shared class of the day just as he slides an envelope across Siwon's desk. The envelope happens to have the same seal as the university into which Siwon is planning on matriculating. They offered him a spot on the varsity basketball team and sponsored on-campus living, and Mama Choi didn't raise no fool.

Siwon raises an eyebrow in interest, and Shindong simply points at the envelope with his chin. Siwon takes that as the invitation it is, and he pulls out the letter inside.

Congratulations, Donghee! You have been accepted…

Siwon whips his head up to look at Shindong, who has the largest shit-eating grin on his face.

They need to talk about this. Now.

"Seonsaengnim!" Siwon abruptly interrupts the teacher's lecture with his hand straight in the air. He ignores all the eyes that turn to him in shock. "Donghee isn't feeling too well. Can I take him to the nurse?"

All attention shifts to Shindong, who improvises in stride. "Ughhhhhnnnn," he groans pitifully, slouching over on his desk for added effect.

"Very well, then," the teacher waves off. Siwon stands up and bows hastily before half-guiding, half-dragging Shindong out the door. "Awwwwwwgggggghhhh," Shindong keeps up the ruse as he stumbles out, affecting delirium.

Once they're out of sight from the doorway, they run down the halls until they reach the bathroom, trying without success to contain their giggles along the way. "Couldn't give me a head's up back there?" Shindong teases as he sits on the edge of a sink, lightly panting.

"Couldn't give me a head's up that you were applying to my university?" Siwon punches Shindong's shoulder, acting affronted, but he swoops in for a bone-crushing hug immediately afterwards.

Shindong awkwardly returns the hug. (Siwon pinning his arms to his side means he can only reach Siwon's elbows.) His voice is quiet when he says, "My hopes were already up. I didn't want to get yours up, too."

Siwon gets it, so he lets it and Shindong go. The excited smile stays on his face, though. "Are you gonna go?"

"I don't know, man. They gave me a scholarship, but that just brings the tuition cost down to the same price as the local uni. I'd still have to get a job or a work-study to help offset the costs; and on top of that, I'd be so far away from home…"

"... But you're willing to go through all that just to keep going to the same school as me?" Siwon offers cheekily, squashing that incredibly light feeling in his chest with humour.

Shindong rolls his eyes. "I was gonna say, 'But all that is doable, and hey, at least you'll be there for me to mooch off of,'" he says with an attitude, but the corners of his lips quirk up at the end.

"You're right. I'll be there for you," Siwon affirms. Something about the serious way he said that makes Shindong feel like he's missing something, but he brushes it off. He was a little nervous about going so far away for school, but he has a feeling he'll be fine with Siwon around.

~~~

Siwon sidles up to Heechul, who casually throws his arm around the newcomer's shoulders despite the height difference. "How's my favourite wallet doing?" Heechul teases.

They're the only two to share this free period, and they often spend it outside, chatting, listening to music, doing homework, whatever. This time, Siwon finds Heechul leaning against a wall and people-watching.

"What's your read on Shindong?" Siwon asks as casually as possible. He's hoping he doesn't need to explain further, and luckily Heechul doesn't need clarification. Heechul knows what Siwon means.

He also knows: "Give up before it's too late."

Siwon's hopes plummet. "Really?" he asks, face and voice coloured by obvious disappointment.

Heechul looks over at Siwon and realises it is, in fact, too late for the other. His heart clenches for his long-time friend, and Heechul finds himself equivocating out of a need to assuage him. "Maybe I'm wrong for once. Like, what do I know? I'm just 18."

Siwon tries on a bright smile. "Yeah, maybe. There's gotta be a first time for everything, right, hyung?"

But now is not one of those times, and Heechul knows it. "Don't say I didn't warn you, though." He tries on a reassuring grin and a friendly knock on Siwon's shoulder.

He knows it looks more like a grimace, and he knows Siwon is ignoring that. He just doesn't know how long it'll take before Siwon's heart breaks.

He may not have had Heechul's fullest support, but Siwon has spent Too Many days thinking about this to go back now. It took long enough as it is to even get to this point; but if he's being honest with himself, he knew it was only a matter of time.

He finds his opportunity on their way home from school the week before showtime.

"Shindong, wanna go to prom with me?" "What?"

Shindong gives him a look so incredulous, Siwon is reminded of one of those dogs with smushed faces. The thought makes him smile even though his heart feels simultaneously too heavy and too fast.

"Should I, um, should I repeat myself?" he asks while trying to hide his shaking hands by grabbing onto his backpack straps.

"I'm just… so confused. Didn't Kwon Boa ask you to prom yesterday? Did she dump you already? What did you do?!"

In truth, Siwon turned her down as soon as she asked him, but saying that now would be unhelpful for his purposes.

"Even if you did somehow fuck up your chance with the prettiest, most sought-after girl in school, you still could ask literally anyone to be your date? Why would you go the friend route for prom? It's not even a valid Plan Z," Shindong continues.

Siwon pouts. "If I can ask anyone, why can't I ask you?"

Shindong is unimpressed, and Siwon wavers in his conviction. He wasn't originally going to tell him, but…

This could be it. This could be his chance to confess to Shindong.

There's always the chance that Shindong would reject him, of course. He'd probably use Siwon's own technique against him, too; that would be pretty pathetic. Then he'd promise that this wouldn't affect their friendship, except it will because he'll be too awkward around Siwon; and slowly but surely, he'd pull away from the other until Siwon finds himself at university, alone and painfully aware of how close he is to his best friend who is completely out of reach—oh God, of course he can't confess to Shindong.

The aforementioned snaps his fingers in Siwon's face, and Siwon resolutely sticks to his plan. He throws a casual arm around Shindong's shoulder and forces them to keep walking. "I heard from the seniors before us that prom's more fun with friends anyway. Why go with some girl I don't know when I can go with you?"

"Siwon, I know you're lying to me."

"What?" Siwon's step falters.

"We're best friends, of course I know." Besides the fact that Siwon is unconsciously telegraphing, the other guys have found dates already. Siwon would have brought it up with all of them if he really wanted to go with friends.

Siwon bites his bottom lip, waiting for whatever fallout comes from his decision to open this can of worms.

Shindong sighs and slips his hand into Siwon's. He's learned touching helps. "It also means I know when to let it go. I'll go to prom with you, flower boy."

Siwon cannot contain himself. "HE SAID YES!" he yells into the sky as he runs around, hooting and hollering in unadulterated jubilation.

Shindong shakes his head with annoyed fondness as he continues walking home, expecting Siwon to catch up with him once he's tired out.

(And it turns out Siwon's seniors were right: prom is a lot more fun with friends.)

~~~

Their final hurrah takes place at the height of the summer. Between family vacations and Siwon moving in early for the summer basketball bootcamp the university is making him attend, it's the only time they'll have where all five are available before the fall comes and scatters them away.

Siwon's family lets them borrow one of their cars for the day, and they make the maknae drive them all the way to the beach as early as they could go (read: as early as Kangin could wake up). The day progresses with plenty of frisbee on the sand, frolicking in the sea, and flirting at the food shacks. The ever present feeling that this may be the last time all of them are gathered together in a long time is never lost on any of them, so they make the most of every moment, earning them unheeded glares from the lifeguard on duty.

Sunset finds them around a small bonfire near the surf. To no one's surprise, Kangin managed to lift some beers from his parents, so they drink as they talk and watch the embers float up into the gradually darkening sky. Gone with the sun is the high energy from the day, leaving behind a calmer and more contemplative atmosphere.

Heechul speaks up after a comfortable stretch of silence. "So, I already know what those two fogies are doing come fall," he says while pointing to where Siwon and Shindong sit on opposite sides of the fire, "but what about you guys?" he directs towards Kangin and Kibum. "All I know is that college really isn't the cards for you."

Kibum ducks his head shyly. "I, uh, made it past the first round of auditions at MS Entertainment."

"WHAT?!" "Like, the MS Entertainment!?" "Um, when was this?!" "You're thinking of joining the entertainment industry?"

The last question surprisingly comes from Siwon, and the other guys shoot him a look. Siwon lifts his hands up in defense. "It's just that, Kibum, I've never even heard you sing."

Kibum shakes his head. "No, I wanna be an actor. I realised it after I missed out on auditions for the school play. For just a few hours a day, it'll be nice to pretend I'm not me. I think I could be really good at it if I got the chance." The guys nod, knowing very well how Kibum struggles to be and express himself without pretense.

"I can't wait to see you on TV one day, man," Shindong says with a smile. "If you book a commercial, I am buying one thousand units of whatever you're selling. I don't care what it is. I'll end up with a thousand pairs of jeans if I must," Kangin jokes.

Kibum grins appreciatively and nods towards Kangin in turn. "What about you, then?"

Kangin puffs out his chest with pride. "I'm gonna start at a baseball development camp out in Gangwon. If I work hard and play my cards right, I might get recruited at one of the farm teams in the Futures League. It would be awesome if I got into one of the Seoul clubs, just so I could stay close to home."

Shindong smirks. "Okay, let's say you had to go to a southern team. Which one would you pick? 1, 2, 3…"

"The Dinos."

Heechul barks out a laugh. "If you think I'd go all the way to fuckin' Changwon just to see your sorry ass… Well, a bitch might."

Siwon quirks an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah? What is the self-proclaimed biggest star in the universe, the Great Kim Heechul, doing instead?"

"Whatever it takes, man," Heechul says with a snort. "I'll get some part time jobs here, travel a little there… Just figure life out as it comes."

Kibum nods, well-acquainted with Heechul's myself-against-the-world attitude. Shindong, for his part, tries his best to offer a smile without looking pitying. He can't help but feel like Heechul is making his life harder for himself than it has to be—but now's not the time, and neither is he the person, for that conversation.

Kangin counters, "You might find yourself in Gyeongsang anyway then, hyung."

"Yeah; and if you were paying attention to me, you would have known I acknowledged that already, dumbass. Clean the wax outta your ears."

"How about I clean your clock instead!" Kangin yells as he launches at Heechul, and they start wrestling in the sand.

Shindong watches, reveling in the familiarity of the moment, and thinks about how close he was to not having any of this. "When I first moved here, I was pretty sure I was gonna spend the school year alone." The words come out of his mouth without prompting; but now that they're out, he finds he actually has something to say.

The boys turn their attention to him, Kangin and Heechul halting their bickering and sitting in place where they found themselves on the sand, and Shindong continues. "You know. I was the new kid, I was only able to afford the school because of my scholarship, I'm fat. If life were like a TV show, that wouldn't have been the most successful combination of factors." He quirks the corners of his lips up in a wane half-smile, then turns his gaze from the fire to the earnest faces of his friends. "But I met you guys, and nothing happened like I thought it would. Thanks for giving me a chance."

"Aish," Kangin says as he gets up and moves back towards the group. He stops behind Siwon and places a hand on his shoulder. "Don't thank us; thank this guy. He texted us one day all, 'I invited the new kid to sit with us at lunch tomorrow. Try not to be dicks.' If it weren't for him, I probably would have pushed you into the lockers once or twice just for fun."

"I probably would have helped," Kibum says with a shrug.

"I probably would have filmed it," Heechul pipes up.

Siwon waves their comments away with good humour. "You guys aren't that mean. Maybe you would have slapped the books out of his hands, but that's really it."

"Maybe we aren't mean now, but that's because you made us soft. Remember when I made Go-seonsaengnim cry in freshman year just with a glare?"

The conversation readily turns to their early high school memories, which Shindong would normally have loved hearing about, but his attention is elsewhere.

The dim light afforded by the fire casts impermanent shadows on Siwon's face that alternately highlight his boyish features and give him the appearance of a grown man. Shindong watches this and feels like he's seeing the present blurring into the future before his very eyes, and he finds it especially poignant that Siwon is the focal point of that illusion considering his role in changing Shindong's own life.

He's going to miss his friends and the gentle feeling of home he managed to cultivate for himself among them, but at least he won't have to miss Siwon.

~~~

College is harder than Shindong thought it would be, but it's easier in other ways too. He plays the first semester safe (he's not trying to get his scholarship revoked before the first year is over, thank you very much); but when the second semester comes around, he knows what liberties he can take with himself to have more fun without sacrificing his studies.

So when the volleyball team holds a party and invites the basketball team, Siwon offers his plus one to Shindong, and he double-checks that he doesn't have a shift at the campus mailroom the next day… well, he doesn't say no.

It isn't the first time he's gotten drunk (there's no way you could be in Siwon's friend group for a year without sustaining at least one hangover); but after a whole semester and winter of working and studying practically non-stop, the lack of inhibitions feels better than it ever had before.

Siwon is far more drunk, however. He is as clingy as ever, introducing Shindong to all of his basketball friends (and even some strangers) and constantly slurring "I miss youuu" into his ears.

He would hate it except he loves it. He misses the guy, too, after all.

"Shindong! Let's go see the stars!"

Siwon drags Shindong to the backyard of the house holding the party, no less noisy but definitely less crowded. He happily settles down onto one of the logs around an unlit bonfire and pats the space next to him in a clear invitation. The happy grin on his face is replaced with a pout when Shindong decides to sit on a different log just to tease him, but that doesn't stop him. Siwon just moves to Shindong's log and cuddles into his friend's side, enjoying the warm feeling spreading inside him. Is it the beer or the company? In any case, it's the most cosy he's felt since school started.

Siwon chances a glance upwards at Shindong. Not for the first time, he cannot help but notice how soft the other looks in the moonlight. His cheeks always look so fluffy and pinchable, but Siwon has never wanted to hold Shindong's face more than he does right now.

When he notices that Shindong notices that he is looking at him, Siwon is just drunk enough to hold his gaze.

Siwon is just drunk enough to move his face forward, as slow as the movement ends up being. Maybe that's because he's drunk, too. He's definitely not sober enough to stop.

Then he's drunk in a different way, because Shindong is the one to bring their lips together.

The moment is perfect, even more perfect than Siwon had ever dreamed of—and oh, did he dream. In the back of his mind, he thinks about going to church three times a week from now on to thank God for this blessing.

He wants to deepen the kiss, he wants to lean closer, he wants to touch—but just as he thinks about doing any of that, Shindong pulls away with a giggle. Siwon laughs too, giddy and uninhibited as he is. He reaches for Shindong's hand and wonders how long the other has felt the same way as he did.

The hand for which Siwon had been reaching escapes to throw a bro-y, friendly punch into Siwon's shoulder. Siwon is mildly confused, but nothing can wipe the smile from his face now. He just kissed Shindong! Is right now too soon to be calling each other boyfriends?

"That wasn't so bad, right?" Shindong says as he looks back up at the sky.

Uh, right. Understatement of the century. That was amazing, stupendous, earth-shattering, future-defining—

Shindong keeps talking. "Not exactly how I thought that was gonna happen, but there's no planning for these sorts of things anyway. What's college for if not experimenting and cutting loose?"

Siwon's lovestruck internal monologue stutters to a stop. "What?"

"Don't get me wrong, you're the prettiest guy I know—full stop—but if kissing you doesn't make me feel something, then I definitely must be straight." Shindong starts cackling then, like he said the funniest joke in the world.

Siwon's hearing fails him, but all he can think about now is how badly he wants to rewind time.

He wants to go back to before he knew what Shindong's lips felt like.

He wants to go back to before he had the first drink.

He wants to go back to before he even met Shindong.

"I gotta go," he manages to say, crushed as he is under the weight of the guilt he felt when that last thought traitorously passed through his head.

Shindong laughs harder when he watches Siwon stumble away. Poor guy must be so drunk. He might not even make it to the bathroom in time.

~~~

Avoiding Shindong isn't as hard as one would think. They're different majors. They live in different residence halls. He has the basketball team too, and Shindong was never the kind of person that keeps up with all his friends' activities anyway. A little "Sorry, I'm meeting someone for a project" here, a little "Sorry, Coach is slamming us with extra practise" there, and a whole semester passes by without spending extended time with his best friend and—he's not afraid to say it now—the love of his young life.

And that's exactly why he needs to avoid Shindong. He can't face Shindong casually right now—not when the only thing that will be occupying his mind is the look on Shindong's face immediately before, not when his palms itch to touch the other's cheeks so he can fold that feeling into his memory. He can't know what it's like to kiss Shindong and not be able to kiss him again.

So he's depressed, he's lonely, and he's irritable—exactly the kind of mindset you want to be in when you meet someone new.

"Hi, I don't think we really talked before," the lanky kid says as he stands up straight from where he was leaning beside the open door to Siwon's room. "I'm Hyukjae, but my friends call me Eunhyuk. I live down the hall." He points over his shoulder with his thumb as if Siwon didn't know which hall he was referring to, and the gesture immediately gets on his nerves.

Siwon glares at him, and the guy—Hyukjae; they're not friends—smiles a wide, gummy grin. "Sorry to bother you like this, but I noticed you were taking your stuff to your car. Are you packing your things into storage for the summer?" Siwon nods mutely, unsure where the other is going with this and approximately three seconds away from blowing him off.

"Listen, I have, like," he pauses to rummage around in his pockets and count the pieces of paper he pulls out, "10000 won on me right now. If I give you that and pay for gas and—I don't know—buy you dinner afterwards, would you help me move mine into storage too?"

Siwon's glare turns incredulous, which makes Hyukjae facepalm. "Oh! And of course I would help you move your stuff. That's a given. Although… you certainly don't look like you need the help."

At this last statement, Eunhyuk gives him a quick once over, and Siwon bristles. This whole situation is really grating on him. Why did this guy look at him like that? Why does it bother him that he did? Why is he supremely against this mildly reasonable request?

(Well, he knows why, and that's only adding to his frustration.)

Hyukjae senses how close Siwon is to turning tail, so he resorts to drastic measures. "Bro, help me out," he begs as he clasps his hands and falls to his knees. "I live all the way out in Ilsan, and I don't have a car. I would be, like, super indebted to you!"

"Ilsan isn't that far away," Siwon points out unimpressedly.

"Indebted!"

He stares at the boy's pout, the hands grasping cumbled bills of won, and the mullet-esque hair and thinks he might actually be more pathetic than even Siwon feels these days.

"... Alright."

Siwon ignores the other's resulting cheers as he returns to his task. He figures that the sooner he gets this over with, the faster he can go back home for the summer.

~~~

Like Siwon said, Ilsan isn't that far away.

As in, he and Hyukjae didn't have the worst time together while moving their stuff, Hyukjae decided they are now friends, and Hyukjae commutes into Seoul every other weekend to pester Siwon into hanging out with him.

In the beginning, he had no problems brushing the other off. Hyukjae isn't bad people necessarily, but he's a brat.

Case in point: The first time he actually agreed to hang out, Hyukjae forgot his wallet and Siwon begrudgingly paid for their excursions that day. Hyukjae hasn't brought his wallet with him since.

After that first time, however, it became harder and harder to turn Hyukjae down. He's depressed, he's lonely, he's irritable—but somehow none of that has pushed Hyukjae away yet. Against his better judgement, Siwon cannot help but be drawn to the individual who is experiencing the worst Siwon has to offer and chooses to spend time with him anyway. It's… nice.

The summer proceeds like that: Eunhyuk having a new hare-brained adventure haphazardly planned for the day, Siwon's wallet finding itself thousands of won lighter each time, and Siwon slowly getting out of his funk and coming back to himself.

Even as the summer draws to a close and their event options dwindle down, Eunhyuk manages to find something for them to do. A couple of weeks before they're set to move back in for the beginning of the next school year, Eunhyuk takes Siwon to a trendy new pop-up cafe in Itaewon.

Siwon likes it. It's lively but not too loud, the food isn't half bad, and the interior is fresh-looking without being overly cute.

He doesn't say any of this though, mostly because Eunhyuk isn't really saying anything either.

It's a testament to how much he feels like his old self again that he strongly considers asking the other what's wrong. Old Siwon wouldn't have hesitated. New Siwon rationalises if something is really bothering the other, Eunhyuk would say something himself.

He's halfway through his cheesecake when Eunhyuk lets his fork clatter to his plate. "Siwon, there's never gonna be a good time or a good way to say this, so I'm just gonna say it. I like you."

Well, of course Eunhyuk likes him. He basically spent the whole summer with Siwon. The surprising part here is that Siwon means it when he says, "I like you, too."

Eunhyuk's eyes do something funny, then he shakes his head. "No, like—" He stops, takes a deep breath, and on the exhale he says, "Wanna go on a date with me?"

"... Oh."

And then Siwon's senses shift. His heart beat speeds up just a fraction more than it had been before Eunhyuk began talking, but he can't hear the crowd of the cafe anymore. Everything behind Eunhyuk's determined, hopeful face blurs into a mess of colours and light. When he swallows, he still has the aftertaste of the strawberry syrup from the cheesecake on his tongue.

"Um, okay," is all he says, but he can feel his lips tug upward in a small grin without his direction.

Siwon is greeted with a gummy smile, familiar yet new, and he cannot help but focus in on the revealed shade of pink.

~~~

Honestly, he forgets about Siwon.

There's only so many times he can get blown off before he stops trying to reach out in the first place, you know? Then midterms came around, then it was finals season, then he was too wrapped up in trying to find an on-campus job for the summer so that he wouldn't have to waste money and time moving out of his residence hall… Before he knows it, it's been a year since he and the guys had their beach day, and he uncomfortably realises he can't remember the last time he spoke to Siwon. Was it at that party in the beginning of last semester? That can't be right.

And yet, for a reason he cannot explain, he doesn't immediately reach out to Siwon first.

He starts off with Kangin, who hasn't made it to a team yet but has met with several scouts already and believes it's just a matter of time. Heechul answers him in English, of all things, and he has to use a translation app to find out that Heechul spent seven months in Australia as a freelance Hangul-speaking museum guide before coming back to South Korea to work at a brewery out in Jeju-do. When he texts Kibum asking if Kangin had made good on his promise to buy 100 units of whatever his latest commercial was selling, Kibum simply says, "lol."

Finally, the only one left is Siwon. Shindong is weirdly anxious to talk to him again, but he firmly pushes that aside.

He tries a text at first; but after two days with no response, he ups the ante.

"Hello?"

"Siwon-ah!" he cheers into the receiver. It had been so long since he heard Siwon's voice, and just the sound of it lifts his mood.

"Shindong-hyung, you called me." Siwon's voice sounds incredulous, and it makes him laugh. They're not people for phone calls, admittedly. It wasn't necessary back when they spent almost all their waking moments together.

"Hey, if you had just texted me back, I wouldn't have had to resort to such drastic measures."

Silence, then chuckles on the other end of the line. "Yeah, that one's on me, isn't it? I did that thing where I read it but only replied to it in my head."

Shindong waits for more, but Siwon doesn't continue from there. "So, um, what's been up with you lately?" he asks stiltedly. He frowns; he and Siwon don't do small talk. He tries again, "Did I mention I'm on campus for the summer? I got a job as the front desk guy at the Alumni Office. It has its boring moments, but at least I didn't have to move out of the dorms. I know some of the guys on my floor even rented a storage unit so that they wouldn't have to move back and forth with their stuff, which is just… so far beyond my budget right now, haha."

Siwon makes a funny noise like he choked on his own spit. "Siwon?!" Shindong calls concernedly into the line.

"It's fine, hyung," Siwon croaks out. "Listen, you kinda caught me at a bad time. I'd love to talk more, but I gotta go."

"Oh, sure," Shindong says in surprise. "See you when the school year starts up again, yeah?"

He holds onto the phone tightly. He doesn't know what he's wanting to hear exactly, but he waits in anticipation for Siwon's response anyway.

"Yeah, of course. See you later, Shindong."

The line clicks silent, and Shindong doesn't let himself read into it. Like Siwon said, it was just a bad time.

~~~

The new school year isn't terribly different from the previous one, but Siwon likes what it brings. He's still balancing the basketball team and classes, but he has Eunhyuk now. Eunhyuk introduces him to his best friend Donghae, and college starts feeling less like something happening to him and more like something he's living.

Early into the new semester finds the three of them grabbing lunch on campus, Siwon and Eunhyuk playing footsie under the table and ignoring Donghae's gags in the background. They're not really talking about anything important, so the conversation is easily derailed by the sound of someone hollering from across the student union.

"Siwon! Ya, Siwon!"

Siwon temporarily freezes. He didn't expect to hear that voice again so soon. He can feel his face do something funny as his body and his mind fight for control over what to do. He wants to play it cool; he wants to ignore the voice; but more than anything, he wants to see Shindong again. He has ever since the summer.

He listens to that part and turns around in his seat to wave. The sight of Shindong's eyes scrunched up in happy half-moons behind his thick-rimmed glasses makes his heart ache even as his body relaxes from tension he didn't know he was carrying. He misses Shindong.

"Siwon, you brat! I didn't hear from you much this summer, and I barely saw you last semester!" Shindong laughs jovially before turning to the other two at the table, and Siwon is surprised to remember they were there. "Hey, I'm Donghee, but you've probably heard this guy call me Shindong. Mind if I join you?"

Siwon eagerly motions for Shindong to grab a chair, and Donghae says, "Hey, Donghee. I'm Donghae." as if it were the most clever observation in the world.

Siwon eyes Shindong's politely amused grin and cannot help but laugh. God, he forgot how funny Shindong could be even when he isn't trying. The other brings a seat over to their table and chats pleasantly with Donghae, and Siwon takes the moment to take in the changes in his best friend.

His face is slightly less pudgy, but the puffy round cheeks Siwon loves so much are fully on display. He has a tiny ponytail sticking straight up from the crown of his fluffy hair, and it reminds Siwon of elementary schoolers on picture day in a way that warms his heart. He notices the suspenders and khakis combination that the other is wearing and remembers how hard it was for Shindong to get used to not having to wear a uniform to school anymore. It seems he finally settled on something that worked for him, as nerdy as it ended up looking. (Somehow, that is endearing, too.)

"Siwon, what's your weekend look like? We should do something, just you and me. Grab some newspapers, eat gyoza, catch up. You in?"

Siwon would like nothing more and almost automatically agrees. Luckily, before he could land himself in hot water with his excitement, his brain supplies that he and Eunhyuk were supposed to picnic in the park this weekend. He flicks his eyes over to his boyfriend, asking without words if he could go.

Eunhyuk nods, so Siwon says yes, and it feels like a piece of him that was asleep finally wakes up.

~~~

They're best friends again in no time.

Sure, there were some awkward instances when Shindong or Siwon would refer to memories that the other wasn't there for in a stilted reminder that there is time lost between them, but they easily catch each other up and fall back into old habits. Their lives intertwine in the seamless way they did back in high school, and Siwon's heart feels so full.

He can't help but ignore the red flags as a result. The more active he and Shindong are in each other's lives, the more he is aware of the fact that Shindong does not know the full extent of his relationship with Eunhyuk; and he admits he has made small—inconsequentially, really—concessions to keep it that way.

He's starting to suspect that Eunhyuk knows something is up, too. It brings him a little bit of guilt, but it's not like he's completely avoiding his boyfriend (been there, done that). Besides, the other hasn't said anything. He even invites Siwon over one weekend, so Siwon figures he probably hasn't messed up too badly yet.

When cuddling on the bed with legs intertwined while watching a movie turns into roaming fingertips and forgotten laptops droning on in the background, Siwon feels content like never before.

"Why does it feel like it's been forever since I kissed you?" he murmurs into Eunhyuk's hair afterwards, planting a kiss right there and embracing his boyfriend closer to his chest. He'd love to fall asleep like this…

But then Eunhyuk gently releases himself from Siwon's hold and sits upright in bed. "I have a feeling it has to do with how Donghee is hanging out with us a lot now," he says as he pulls his clothes back on.

Siwon's disappointment clears when his mind, unbidden, conjures up the memory of Shindong's reaction when he caught Heechul rounding second base with his date when they all went to the movies together one time. "Yeah, Shindong isn't big on PDA," he says as he follows Eunhyuk's lead.

"Sure, but I'm your boyfriend," Eunhyuk emphasises. "Hand-holding, kissing… stuff like that is pretty typical for most couples. He knows what he would be getting into when he hangs out with us, and he still shows up. Doesn't seem to me like it would really bother him."

Siwon's movement falters. So Eunhyuk has noticed. "I guess I'm just trying to be a little courteous," he hurries to say, the not-quite-a-lie sitting heavy on his tongue. "He doesn't know you yet, and I don't want to give my best friend any reason to dislike my boyfriend."

Siwon puts on his most convincing, disarming grin, and it somehow makes things worse. "You know, it's funny," Eunhyuk begins with light tone absolutely lacking in amusement, "Donghee's supposedly your best friend, but I haven't even heard of him before this semester. It's clear he hasn't heard of me either. Wanna explain why?"

Siwon frowns at the accusation. "He is my best friend." He may not have acted like it for a while there, but that fact will never change. It's just… "We weren't really, ah, talking much at around the time you and I met." He wants to stop there, but Eunhyuk raises an expectant eyebrow. "Um, remember that time in the student union? That was, sorta, the first time we had spoken in eight months."

The admission completely melts all of Eunhyuk's cold and angry tension, and the sight makes him even more antsy for some reason. Siwon is acutely aware that he didn't answer the entirety of his boyfriend's question, but the other is already moving on.

"You get why I'm bothered, right?" Eunhyuk asks as he sits back on the bed, and yes, Siwon does finally start to get how bothered the other really is. He's never seen Eunhyuk so despondent before. His entire being radiates tired sadness, and Siwon realises with a pang that he did that to him."This guy that I've never met before just shows up one day, and my boyfriend starts acting completely different around him!" Eunhyuk's pout has a chilling effect on Siwon without the hint of flirtation to which he was so accustomed, and Siwon has him wrapped up in a side-hug as if on autopilot. Eunhyuk happily cuddles into the embrace and lays his head on Siwon's shoulder, but Siwon barely notices, too consumed by the weight spreading all over his body.

He's fucked up.

He hasn't been going about this correctly at all, and it's hurting his boyfriend, and that hurts him, and he's fucked up.

He stands abruptly. "I gotta go."

"What?"

Siwon can barely hear the shocked hurt in his boyfriend's voice, he's so preoccupied with the immense and all-consuming guilt that weighs down his limbs. He can't get out of the apartment fast enough. He needs space; he needs more room so that terrible feeling that is expanding within him has somewhere else to go.

"Siwon, where are you going?!" Eunhyuk hurries after him and manages to intercept Siwon before he could open the door. If he were more himself, he'd chuckle at how his boyfriend, 9 centimetres shorter and 5 kilograms lighter, is trying to bodily prevent him from leaving; but in his state, even a feather could knock Siwon over.

"There's something you're not telling me, and I'm not letting you leave the apartment until you do. What is going on between you and Donghee?" he demands.

"Nothing!" Siwon despairs, and it's the truth.

"Why are you lying to me!"

"I've never lied to you," and that is also the truth.

"But you are keeping something from me." There's nothing Siwon can say to that, so he fidgets where he stands. Eunhyuk laughs mirthlessly. "And it's related to Donghee, too, isn't it? How long did you think you could go without telling me, huh? Did you think I wouldn't notice?!"

Siwon is still in flight mode, his brain is still foggy, so he latches onto the only coherent thought he has just so that he can respond to Eunhyuk. "Why don't you call him Shindong?"

Eunhyuk seizes in incredulous frustration. "Can you focus!? That is so beyond the point!"

Siwon closes his eyes and rubs his hands down his face in resigned acknowledgement. Yes, that was the wrong thing to say. "Hyuk, I'm sorry but… I really, really have to go. I need some time; I need to think. You deserve better than the first thought that pops into my head, but I can't give you that right here, right now."

Eunhyuk's shiny eyes are devastating even under the fluorescent glare of his apartment lights, and Siwon's heart urges him to do something. He steps forward, arms outstretched, but Eunhyuk steps out of his reach. "No, please," he says simply. He hastily wipes away the tears that pool at the rim of his eyes and looks anywhere but at Siwon. "When you touch me, I feel better even when I don't want to."

Siwon lets his arms fall back to his side. The need to leave wars with his need to comfort, so he does nothing.

Eunhyuk sniffles once, twice, then says, "Whenever something happens to me—big or small, bad or good—you've become the first person I wanna tell it to. Nothing feels real until I've told you about it." He hugs himself and turns away. "But you don't even want to talk to me."

Eunhyuk walks back to his room and lightly closes the door behind him, a silent cue for Siwon to leave. When he finally does several moments later, the image of Eunhyuk rejecting his touch replays in his mind, and his heart rebels with every step.

~~~

With time and distance, Siwon realises a lot of things about himself.

He's always wanted his first real relationship to be with someone he shared a lot with, someone he didn't have to force himself to spend time with or get to know, someone who made it all easy yet made the difficult parts worth it. He admits to himself that he always wanted his first real relationship to be with Shindong, but that evidently wasn't possible. Just when he had given up on that dream (and on himself), he found all of it and more in Eunhyuk, who literally showed up unannounced, bribed his way into Siwon's life, and pestered Siwon into letting him stay. Without knowing any of the details and without asking any questions, Eunhyuk managed to shake Siwon out of the depressive episode he was in simply by being himself. The warm excitement that coloured their days together were noted but taken for granted, and the cold emptiness that replaces it in the aftermath of their fight is frighteningly familiar. He regrets that it took the undeniable pain that can only come from heartbreak for him to realise that he had fallen in love with Eunhyuk, but at least he knows now.

He also now knows he's a coward.

He was a coward back in senior year when he couldn't tell Shindong why he asked the other to prom, he was a coward last semester when he cut Shindong out of his life for accidentally breaking his heart, and he's a coward now.

With Shindong is back in his life, Siwon thought he could somehow keep both his past love and his current love in the exact ways he wanted them without having to have any uncomfortable conversations, that the two of them would get along fabulously, and that Siwon's happiness would simply fall into place.

He also now knows he's an idiot.

Siwon has always prided himself on being a man of action. He had enough time and distance to reflect, recalibrate, and reload, so it is time for him to gather his courage and react.

He texts Shindong to do homework together at his place then immediately goes out to buy some food just to have something to do with the nervous energy that buzzes within him. He even buys snacks that he knows only Shindong likes because he needs every advantage he can get. He returns with no less pent-up energy than with which he started, so he sets to cleaning the whole apartment. He even attempts to do his homework to distract himself before he remembers homework is the ruse he told Shindong to lure the other over.

His nervous energy is apparent the second Shindong steps foot in the apartment. "Okay…" Shindong drags out as he plops his stuff onto the kitchen table that doubles as Siwon's desk. "Is there a major exam you're freaking out about or something? I can't promise I know anything, but I can promise to help you study."

Siwon lets a ghost of a smile cross his face, fondly remembering their intense study sessions back in high school that none of their friends were brave enough to join more than once. The memory passes, and he sighs. "No, it's not about class."

Shindong gestures. "Well? Out with it then. You know I'm just gonna leave if you're not gonna focus, and I really don't want to leave when there's an unopened pack of honey apple twists right there."

Honey apple twists are also Eunhyuk's favourite, so Siwon starts there.

"Eunhyuk is a man of questionable taste," Shindong pontificates as he munches on the newly opened snack. "He loves honey apple twists but hates seafood. He's best friends with Donghae but spends all his free time with you. What an enigma."

Siwon tries to chuckle, but it doesn't work. He takes a deep breath instead. He can't think of anything else to say except: "I think he's in love with me."

Shindong stops chewing. "What?"

"I think Eunhyuk and I spend a lot of time together because he's in love with me."

Shindong frowns, brows furrowed and looking genuinely upset. It takes Siwon aback for long enough that he gets distracted. "What?" he parrots.

"Dude, that's fucked up."

"What are you talking ab—"

"You can't just string him along like that! What is he gonna do when he finds out you don't like guys? Bro, if Heechul were here right now—actually, I'm just gonna call him because maybe you need to hear why that's fucked up from someone who gets it."

And there it was.

Every unspoken fear he'd ever had, every answer to his heartbreak, every problem he never solved.

He reaches out with his head down and gently stops Shindong's hand, halfway to dialling their high school friend whom Siwon hasn't spoken to since graduation. "I love him, in any case," he says to the ground.

Shindong lets his hand hold his phone in midair. "What?"

Siwon takes a breath, counts to three, and lifts his head to look Shindong in the eyes. "Shindong, Eunhyuk and I are dating. He's my boyfriend. He has been since the summer."

Shindong says nothing.

"I'm gay," Siwon says at last, so easily, because he knows that's not going to be the hardest confession of the night.

As soon as he says it, he can see the way so much clicks into place in Shindong's astute, masterful, beautiful mind.

"Is that why I haven't seen you since last semester," Shindong says instead of asks, "because you realised after our kiss and didn't want to tell me."

But not even Shindong can draw the correct conclusion when he isn't provided with every relevant fact. If he could, they would have cleared the air so long ago.

"No," Siwon says as he draws away, clasping his hands tight on his lap and wishing he could have told Eunhyuk he was gonna do this. He'd have said something to cheer Siwon up, and Siwon would remember that now, and it could give him courage. The only thing he has right now is the truth.

"No, that was because I was in love with you, and I realised you'd never love me back, and I needed time."

The silence that stretches out between them is awkward like no silence has ever been, even in the first few times they hung out again after reconnecting.

"For how long?" Shindong finally says.

Siwon tries to remember but finds he can't. It must have been one of those things that wasn't tied to any specific event, but a slow build until the whole of the structure was unmistakable. "Since the beginning, basically," he eventually settles on. "Not since the first day we met, no, but very, very close to it. I barely remember a time when I didn't know you and wasn't already in love with you."

"I see."

He finally looks at Shindong, who notices and meets his gaze for a moment before looking down at the table. In that one moment, Siwon could tell from Shindong's eyes that he can see now. He can tell the way Shindong is re-remembering every interaction they've ever had in a new light, and he simply waits. He has no more cards left to play.

Finally, Shindong looks back at him and says, "You should have told me. We should have talked about it. I could have been there for you."

Siwon smiles bittersweetly and looks away. "But not in the way I wanted you to be, and that's why I never said anything. No doubt, you would have absolutely been there. You would have been your funny, action-oriented, perfect self, within arms' reach but not mine for me to hold, and it would have broken me. Broken me worse than if you had dropped me as a friend completely."

Shindong is taken aback by the strength of Siwon's words, the seriousness with which he said them. "You must have been really in love with me."

Siwon turns the bittersweet smile to him then, tears shining in his eyes, and says, "So much. I loved you so much."

Shindong's heart breaks for his friend, his best friend, who suffered all alone and all on his account. He fiercely tugs Siwon into a hug and lets Siwon cry out every tear, every emotion, every everything from the last two years, all while murmuring "I'm sorry; I'm so, so sorry" into his friend's shoulder.

"For what it's worth, I loved you, too. I still do," he says when Siwon's tears subside into sniffles, but the younger is still clinging onto him. Shindong won't let go until he does.

"I know. I know you did, do. Me too," Siwon hiccups out.

With one last squeeze, he pulls away to give Shindong a watery but bright-eyed smile, and Shindong gives him one right back. The clock in the kitchen tells him they were only like that for seven minutes, but in that time it feels like they just relived every day of their entire friendship, finally on the same page.

"I'm in the mood for pizza," he says abruptly, reaching for his phone forgotten on the table. "Do you still like pineapples with yours?"

Siwon chuckles while wiping away some latent tears. "Please, yes. Eunhyuk won't let me eat that around him because 'it's gross American food,'" he says with air quotes.

"Maybe Eunhyuk is a man of taste after all," Shindong says as he waits for the phone to ring. He catches Siwon's eye just to sneer, "What's he doing dating you?"

Siwon laughs, a whole-belly laugh, and gets a second wind when Shindong calmly rattles off Siwon's own credit card number for the payment information.

~~~

It's been almost two weeks since Eunhyuk last spoke to Siwon, the memory of his boyfriend's face as he begged for time haunting his undistracted moments. He's busied himself with dance practice, homework, and even once tried accompanying Donghae to the gym just to get his mind off of how much more lonely he feels. It was pretty bad before when Eunhyuk was convincing himself that the way his boyfriend was pulling away was all in his head, but with confirmation from Siwon himself, it just got so much worse.

Donghee—He's not about to start calling him by that ridiculous nickname. The only thing Donghee is good at, as far as he's concerned, is ruining his mood—first came into the picture like spilled paint across a canvas: completely and all at once where before there was none. He showed up at group hangouts and even tagged along to his and Siwon's casual day dates, sometimes at Siwon's own behest!

Siwon also didn't touch Eunhyuk as much when Donghee was around, which is saying something because Siwon is literally the clingiest man in all of South Korea. To have such a gentle, romantic, constant aspect of his relationship almost completely stop without explanation… Of course Eunhyuk was lonely. The only thing that stopped him from saying something sooner was how undeniably happy Siwon was with Donghee back in his life, and Eunhyuk didn't want to ruin that for him.

But now it seems like their whole relationship is ruined instead, and the idea that this is how it all ends makes him even more miserable.

It is during one of these pessimistic slumps that he gets a text from Siwon that he, Donghae, and Donghee are working on the quad together. Siwon signs it with "I miss you 😘," and Eunhyuk's heart clenches. He misses Siwon too, but he's not really in the mood to watch him and Donghee together.

He realises he's not really in the mood to be alone right now either. He considers texting Donghae to fake some emergency so that he could be with Eunhyuk, but Donghae texts him first. "don't bail i promise."

The fact that Donghae, the only one who happens to know the full extent of Eunhyuk's insecurities and worries about the situation, is the one saying that piques his interest. If Donghae thinks it'll be safe for him, Eunhyuk will trust that.

He sees them before they see him, and it plays out slowly like a movie. They're all sitting in a quasi-circle on the grass in the middle of a laugh. The scene is so picturesque, and the jealous pang in his chest rings loud and true.

He almost turns on his heel right then and there, but Siwon notices him before he can.

Siwon's smile is bright and free, and he makes grabby hands for Eunhyuk like he hasn't in a while. Eunhyuk's feet carry him forward without him telling them to, and he has a feeling that was his heart leading. Despite it all, next to Siwon is where he wants to be.

He settles into the space by Siwon with a little unease, which dissipates completely when Siwon shifts them so that Eunhyuk is between his open legs and Siwon is giving him a cosy backhug. As much as he wants nothing else, Eunhyuk fights the urge to lean in, acutely aware of Donghee's presence.

"Siwon-ah." Eunhyuk squirms. "I'm 'Siwon-ah' now, not 'Siwonnie?'" He can hear Siwon's pout even as the other squeezes Eunhyuk to himself tighter. He puts a little more effort into escaping Siwon's embrace, but Siwon simply uses his legs to lock him in.

Eunhyuk laughs; he can't help it. He wiggles as frantically as possible—not to actually get out of Siwon's hold, just to give him a hard time trying to hold on—and Siwon playfully bites his ear to get him to stop. Eunhyuk lets out a mock gasp, prepared to do something drastic, when all of a sudden they both tumble onto the grass.

Eunhyuk looks up to see Donghee calmly returning to his spot, acting like he did nothing wrong and ignoring how Donghae assaults his back with amusement. "I've wanted to do that for forever!" Donghae cackles.

In embarrassment, he begins to sit up, but Siwon doesn't let him, instead pulling Eunhyuk back down and on top of him. He looks for the reason why in Siwon's eyes, and Siwon just gives him a small smile before leaning up to brush his lips against Eunhyuk's. It was a soft little thing, but it calms him down nevertheless.

He folds his hands on Siwon's chest and rests his head on top of them, facing the side where the other two weren't sitting. "I thought Shindong isn't big on PDA," he repeats, keeping his voice neutral but loud enough for Siwon to hear. In this position, he can hear Siwon's heartbeat as he plays with the collar of Siwon's shirt. He doesn't know what to make of its calm and strong cadence when he knows the other can feel his own heart rate spike in nervousness.

"You're my boyfriend, though," Siwon maintains, echoing their conversation from a week before with the roles noticeably reversed.

Eunhyuk jerks his head up to face the other. He doesn't think Siwon has called him his boyfriend in front of Donghee yet before.

Siwon must see something in his face because he reaches up to hold one of the hands on his chest and squeezes twice. I'm sorry about that, it says. We'll talk about everything later. Eunhyuk nods, looking at Siwon with so much trust in his eyes that Siwon smiles the same wide, happy grin that made Eunhyuk fall for him in the first place.

With a louder voice, Siwon says, "Besides, Shindong's a big guy. He'll find it within him to get over it."

"YA! DID YOU JUST MAKE A FAT JOKE ABOUT ME?!"

Siwon winks at Eunhyuk before sitting them upright and into a more casual cuddle, Eunhyuk against Siwon's side and Siwon's arm across Eunhyuk's shoulder.

Eunhyuk ignores the ensuing banter between Siwon, Shindong, and Donghae, instead looking up to observe his boyfriend. Siwon's different again, but in a good way, he decides. For the first time since they met, Siwon looks completely unburdened, completely secure.

And yet he's still here, holding Eunhyuk to him like he used to, which means whatever Siwon let go of, it wasn't him.

Eunhyuk knows they still have to talk, that there’s a lot of explaining Siwon has to do and a lot of confused pain he has to work through, but he also knows there's time for that now. Siwon isn't going anywhere; and neither is he, for that matter.

He looks over at the other two across the way and muses that Shindong isn't going anywhere either, but he finds that's not such a problem anymore.

(Siwon's laugh breaks his concentration, and he notices that's different, too—better than before, even.)

In fact, he might even welcome it.

~~~

#super junior #super junior fanfiction #shinwon #sihyuk #siwon #shindong #eunhyuk #choi siwon #shin donghee #lee hyukjae #jaso*

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50scentsofsoap · 5 years ago

Text

Forever

Jung Hoseok has always been there for you, after all he has been your best friend for years. A lot can change during that time...

word count: 4.2k genre: smut tw: drinking, reckless behaviour

author’s note: I wrote this oneshot instead of writing my university application essays, just uploading all my old material before I move on to fresher ideas.

You’re pinned against the wall, both arms above you and locked tight as if you had handcuffs on your wrists. Your body being attacked at every inch your skin was showing. Face. Neck. Shoulders. You just closed your eyes and took in every sensation. The clenched hand holding your wrists. The sharp drop of oxygen from your lungs. The vibrations of his mouth against yours. The struggle against gravity to keep on standing, when your knees were ready to give way.

He pulled away, leaving both of you to gasp for air.

“How come you never told me you liked me?” He asked with a puzzled look.

“How come you could never take a hint?” You reply with a cocky attitude.

He pushed his torso onto yours, locking your back onto the wall. “Oh, is that any way to talk to your best friend?”

✎ 10 years ago

“HI! Looks like we’re locker buddies! My name’s Hoseok, what’s yours?” he asked with a smile so bright, its brightness could illuminate any moonless night.

“Um… Y/N.” A blunt reply. You hoped he’d get the hint and wouldn’t talk to you any further.

“Nice to meet you Y/N! Want a cookie? My Mom always packs me two cookies for lunch. I think she puts in molasses instead of brown sugar...”

He continued to ramble on. You figured he wasn’t going to leave you alone anytime soon, so you learned to just ignore him or reply in short phrases. This went on for a couple of months, but your cold attitude didn’t bother him at all. Every morning, he would always find something new to talk about, and it was getting annoying.

Your birthday soon rolled around, and you invited everyone in your homeroom class to come to your 13th birthday party, including Hoseok. Everyone liked him… except you. He was just too happy, and it annoyed you how sickly giddy he could be. Still, he wasn’t a bad person so you had no reason to hate him.

“Hey, Hobi… come on it’s time for cak- Are you ok?” You stepped out of your kitchen to the patio. He was sitting there alone. His eyes glistening, shit the kid’s crying.

He quickly wiped his eyes as soon as he saw you. “Hey Y/N, need a hand with opening your presents?” His smile had returned. Like a light switch, he just… stopped being upset.

“No thanks, but it’s time for cake. You coming in?”

“Ooh cake, yes please!” With that he darted into the house.

From that day onwards, you kept an eye on him, and you knew his secret. No matter how hurt he was, he was always smiling.

✎ ✎

Hoseok picked you up, lips still locked in a deep kiss. You wrapped your legs around his waist and hands around his neck. He held your thighs as he carried you towards your bed. For that moment, it seemed as if there was no-one else in the world but you and him. It was as if this was a novel and you two were the main characters, with everyone else blurring into the background. He placed you on your duvet, your lips never breaking contact. He pulled away first, trying to catch his breath. You sat up, and looked at him with questioning eyes.

“You know,” he began. He leaned against your chest of drawers. “If we do this, we can’t go back to what we were.” He spoke cautiously, as if he were treading on eggshells.

“What do you mean?” You cock an eyebrow at him.

“I mean, if we do this, we can’t go back to being friends. We might be able to, but to me it will be as if we’re pretending to be friends for old time’s sake.”

You stand up, directly in front of him. You have to tilt you head quite high to meet his eyes. “Ok, what did you say half an hour ago?”

He gulped, “I’ve been in love with you since I can remember.”

“Good, and what did I say?”

“Fuck off?” He grinned. There it was, that smile to hide anything he didn’t want to show.

“No.”

“You’ve loved me since we became best friends.”

“Exactly. Now…” You took off your sweatshirt and shirt at the same time, leaving you only in your lacy balcony bra, “we’ll always be best friends, nothing will change that.”

Hobi stared at your chest then at your gaze. You noticed a hungry look that you’d never seen before. His mouth parted just slightly, in awe, perhaps, of you taking off your clothes without hesitation. “You’ve seen me semi naked before,” you lifted his chin to look into his eyes, “what’s changed?”

He licked his lips. “Maybe the fact you’re taking your clothes off for me?”

“Hmm. I guess so, but that shouldn’t chang-”

He crashed his supple lips onto yours, taking you by surprise. “Are you sure about this?”

You look at him with your endearing eyes, a hand caresses his cheek as a coy smile spreads across your face. “Absolutely.”

✎ 7 years ago

“Hey, are you even listening? What’s the nucleus of an atom made out of?” You exclaimed with annoyance.

“Protons and neutrons. Look, I’m fine on chem, there’s no need to quiz me.” Hobi replied while styling his hair with his mother’s straighteners.

“You got 95% in the last test, it’s obvious you have to study.”

“Look Y/N,” he put down the straighteners and sat on his bed “you don’t have to get 100% in everything. It’s only the end of year exams that actually count towards your score.”

“I know that, but I’ve got a reputation to keep up. Plus, people think your scores are slipping because…”

“Because…?”

You sigh. “Because we’re too busy ‘dating’. I mean, where do these rumours come from?”

“Well, you’re always in my house, that’s one thing”

“Fuck off, it’s only because both my parents are usually out and I want to save on our heating bills.”

“Oh, so you’re mooching off me for warmth?”

“That, and your Mom’s snacks. Since you moved next door, I’ve had her cookies everyday. Are you sure she doesn’t put weed in them?”

“What? No. They just taste really good. I’m surprised your teeth haven’t rotted yet. Come on, no more Chemistry. We have a party to go to.” He put on his jacket and threw you yours.

“I’m only going so I can keep an eye on you, and remember, chugging down a two litre bottle of coke with mentos is not a fun experience.” You slip on your coat and flick your hair out so it hangs over your neck.

“Don’t remind me.”

Pretty much everyone was around 15 to 16 years old, there were 8 people in total. Pizza boxes stacked on top of the dining room table, fizzy drinks surrounding it. It was a gaming party and an intense game of monopoly was in session. Of course, you and Hobi were the winning team. Board games soon got boring, and so a round of spin the bottle took place. This was the age to pretend to be mature and try ‘adult’ games. Of course, no one wanted to kiss anyone in particular, so it became a hybrid version of truth or dare.

You stare at the bottle intently as the first round lands on you.

“Wooh! It’s Y/N’s go. Ok, truth or dare?” asked John.

“Well I’m not good with dares, so truth.”

“Are you and Hoseok actually dating?”

“Have you two kissed?” Another party-goer chimed in.

“What the fuck, no! We’re not dating.” You yelled in frustration. You could feel the blush creep up on your face, but prayed no one noticed because the bottle had already begun to spin again. Soon after, it landed on Hobi.

“Truth for me!” He chirped.

“I have one,” you note. “The day of my 13th birthday party, you looked upset. Why?”

“What the heck Y/N, that was like 3 years ago no one remembers shit from that long ago!” John proclaimed.

“No it’s ok,” Hobi continued, “That was the day my goldfish died.” You looked at him with a confused look.

“Alright, good enough, let’s go.” The bottle landed on more people until is was nearly 10pm, the time to leave. John began to spin the bottle. “For the last round, we’re going to spin it twice. The two people it lands on, they have to kiss. Whether it’s boy-boy or girl-girl, you still have to kiss.”

The bottle spins and lands on you and… fuck… Hobi. You two just look at each other with an expression of concern, but then just go for it, to get it over and done with. It was an awkward lip-touch kiss, neither of you dared to use tongue. Soon enough 5 seconds were up, and it was the time to leave. Of course, everyone would be talking about your kiss with Hoseok at school for the next month, but you couldn’t care less. You had Chemistry on your mind.

“Hey Y/N,” Hobi starts as you two walk the familiar path home. “Sorry about the kiss.”

“It’s fine, fuck what people say, right?”

“Yeah.” He let out a long sigh. “I lied. My goldfish didn’t die that day.”

“So why were you sad?”

“I was feeling lonely.” Your heart sank. “I’ve always been friendly with people, but I’ve never really had friends. I only realised it that day.”

You stopped in your tracks and turned to him. He paused too. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug. “Listen to me motherfucker, you’re my best friend. If you ever feel lonely, I’ll be right over with ice cream and Twilight. Also, if any bitch breaks your heart, tell me and I will wreck her.” You let him go and continued walking as if nothing had happened.

You felt protective of him, but as a friend right? You surely weren’t falling in love with him.

✎ ✎

You lay on your bed in only your bra and underwear. Hoseok was also stripped down to his boxers, with a little help from you. You saw both your clothes mingle into a messy pile in the corner of your small bedroom. You’d been living in this apartment in the city since you ran an up and coming company. It was tiny, but it was your own place. It was home. Hoseok lived close, his dance studio was next to your office. Everyday, you’d get a perfect view of the zumba ladies in the morning, the little kids learning hip hop in the afternoon and his dance crew in the evenings. After work, you two would usually get dinner together and walk home. Old habits from your high school days.

Hoseok picked up his jacket and took out a condom from his inside pocket. He took the wrapper and put it down on the bedside table. “Now before all that, I have to make you wet.”

His head disappeared in front of your legs. He bent your knees and propped your hips up with a pillow, then he slid his fingers into your underwear and slowly took them off, past your thighs, knees, calves, until they were at your ankles. He took them off and added it to the pile of clothes. You took a deep breath, not knowing what to expect. That’s when he hit the spot. His tongue expertly slid along your folds. You let out a gasp, out of both shock and pleasure. He was now at your core, you were exposed to him. He slid his tongue into you as far as it would go, and back out. He continued this endless assault until you could contain it no longer and moaned his name.

“Wow, it feels quite hot when you say my name like that.” He returned to his position. “How long has it been since you’ve been laid?” His hot breath hit your entrance like dragon smoke. You were getting wet with every second his tongue lay on your spot.

“I think… around… 4 years?” You finally manage to get out.

“Wow since Uni? Have you just been touching yourself to satiate your urges?” He presses on.

“Of course. I’ve been busy, I didn’t have time to really screw anyone.”

Without warning, he slid a finger into you. You arched your back in response to the hormones coursing through your veins. “Your fingers have always been so slender, but I’m sure you’ve never felt like this when you did it by yourself.”

He pumped his fingers in and out of you at a painfully slow pace. Your hips travelled forward, for more of him, but he wouldn’t let you. He curled his finger inside you, touching your delicate walls. You thought you would go crazy if you didn’t climax soon. The teasing was becoming too much for you.

“Hoseok, if you make me come in the next 5 minutes,” you sat up and looked directly at his dark eyes. You seductively licked your lips and gave him a wink. “You know what I’ll do, now stop playing around.”

He slipped another finger inside you and started pumping at a steady rhythm. He put his thumb on your bundle of nerves and rubbed small circles into it. After ten circles, he would take his thumb off and suck on it for about two seconds. This torturous repetition continued until you felt a familiar presence in your lower abdomen. Soon enough, your mind, body and soul shattered. The high was nothing like you had experienced before, it was more carnal, almost animalistic in nature.

Hoseok removed the pillow from your hips. You were breathing heavily from your orgasm. He removed his boxers and began slowly pumping himself. “So, that took me four minutes and 12 seconds.” You looked up to see him palm his length. You wondered for a second if he would even fit inside you. “It’s time to keep up your end of the bargain.”

Hobi laid on the bed whilst you got onto all fours, still pretty shaken up from your first real orgasm in god knows how long. You had thought of the various positions and things you’d like to try with Hobi; against a wall, in the shower, blindfolded, the lot. You didn’t even know you wanted him in a way that’s more than a friend until you thought of him during one of your ‘relaxation’ sessions. The thought of him touching you everywhere just excited you, something which you’d never felt before. Now here he was, in front of you, naked. With the thought that you had been victorious in your mission in mind, you took his manhood into your mouth and began to move your head up and down.

✎ 4 years ago

“Why did you drive an hour and a half from your house to pick me up? I told you I was fine.” You exclaimed trying to keep your vision clear.

“Fine?! Bullshit Y/N. If I didn’t come when I did… Jesus, who knows what could have happened!” Hoseok was driving his car well above the speed limit, but he didn’t care about breaking the law. He did care about happened to you.

You had gone to a house party with a couple of other people from your University. While you were off pursuing higher education, Hoseok began apprenticing under dancers from ballet to popping, to become a choreographer. You two promised each other to talk everyday, and you did however you could. Calls, Facebook, Twitter and Skype,. He always informed you about his daily life, as did you. You thought this party would be like any other, some booze, weed and messy makeout sessions… but you overdid it on all three.

You had drunk way past your limit and gotten so faded it was difficult to even stand up. The number of people you kissed whilst inebriated was well over the half century mark, both guys and girls. You were just about to get frisky with another boy when your phone rang. It was Hoseok. You declined the call and continued your with your antics. It was only after you had stripped your underwear and was about to lose your virginity in someone else’s bedroom, when Hobi came bursting through the door. He picked you up and carried you and your belongings to his car.

“I told you I was going to a party! Why did you have to cockblock me?! Gosh you’re such an asshole!” You scream at him.

“Excuse me for being a good friend! You were going to have unprotected sex… while drunk! And… wait are you high as well?! Fuck Y/N, this isn’t like you at all.” Hoseok replied sternly.

“Well what am I like? A straight-A student who’s got her whole life sorted out. Well guess what, I’m not who you think I am.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I’m saying is that I’m sick of everyone expecting me to be this perfect embodiment of success. I mean… maybe I do want to smoke weed Mum. Or even fail my classes Dad. Or maybe I do want to get an STD from unprotected sex Hobi!”

“I get that you’re pissed off at me, but you’ll thank me one day. You’re just going through a rebel phase, it’ll pass don’t worry.”

“Thank you?! I was going to lose my virginity to.., whatever his name was!” You throw your hands up in defeat and slump into the passenger seat. You can feel the tears well up in your eyes, “Hobi, is there something wrong with me?”

“What? No. Nothing at all.”

“Then why can’t I get a boyfriend? Don’t give me all the bullshit about not finding the right guy! I mean, I do have guys as friends but they never like me as more than friends.”

“Maybe because they’d rather value their friendship to you than a relationship? Look, if you’re so desperate to get laid, make the first move. Only while you’re sober, understand?”

Your emotions switched from lonely to hopeful, damn you were totally drunk. You looked at Hobi as if he cracked the code to an impenetrable safe. “You’re an actual genius, Hoseok,” with that you passed out.

After that, you could only remember waking up to find yourself in Hoseok’s bed, with him next to you, accompanied by a killer hangover.

✎ ✎

Hobi grabbed your hair tight and pulled your mouth from his cock to his lips. The kiss was rough, needy, desperate. You could feel his tongue invade your mouth, trying to fight for dominance. Both of you had been warmed up sufficiently by all this foreplay, and now it was time for the real deal. Hobi slipped on the condom with ease. This is it, after all these years.

“Ok, I need you on all fours, but with your chest on the bed. Keep your hips up in the air, ok?” Hoseok guided you.

“Fine, but this feels like an awkward pose to start with.” You chimed, but doing as you were told.

“I know what I’m doing. Just wait until I’m inside you babe.” You can feel Hobi smirk as he says it.

You can feel the tip of his cock at your entrance, painfully teasing you. Your cheeks are burning red, from the stimulation and the annoyance that he’s making you wait. You just wanted him in you already, and your patience was beginning to wear thin.

Suddenly, Hoseok grabbed both sides of your hips and put his whole length in, hilt-deep. The sensation of being filled so quickly made you draw out a deep guttural moan. A string of curse words soon followed, which made him chuckle.

“You’re so cute when you swear Y/N.”

You kneel upright so your back is flush against Hobi’s chiseled abdomen, and turn your head to plant a small kiss on his lips. “Shut up and make me feel good, sunshine.” You grind against him, while his dick is still deep in you. You didn’t recall sex feeling this good. You felt Hoseok’s small smile drop and he starts nibbling on your neck.

He puts a hand on your nape and pushes you down, so you’re back to the position you started in. He puts a pillow right in front of you and raises your hips higher with his hands. “You see, what I like about this position... “ You feel him kneel forward until he’s right by your ear, “is that I can... Fuck. You. Hard.” He pronounce every syllable in a harsh tone. “Hold on tight, babe. You’ll feel like you’ve never done before.”

You do as instructed and place your hands on your small headrest, mildly excited for Hoseok to get on with it. He pulls out slowly, until he’s only a few inches in, and pounds into you with enough force to jolt you forward.

✎ 1 hour ago

“Ok ok, I have a really juicy secret!” You shout out. “When I was 11 years old, I drew dicks in the girls’ loos and the teachers thought one of the boys would do it. Turns out, my desk partner was caught with going to the girls’ toilets and he got blamed for the dicks.”

There weren’t many people around on the streets at this time of night, but this didn’t faze you. You had pepper spray in your purse and a knife tucked in the hidden compartment of your coat. Usually Friday nights were when you two went to the small Vietnamese place that was quite far away. You had just missed the last bus and now had to walk the 2 miles home, in the freezing cold.

“Shit, that must have taken guts.” Hobi responded to your statement. “Ok, um… you know when I told you I was dating Jennifer Griggs?”

“Yeh?” You answer cautiously.

“Well, turns out she was a lesbian who was only dating me to convince her parents that she was straight.”

“No way! That’s actually so sad, I feel bad for her. I called her a bitch once because she took my cookie by accident.”

“Don’t you mean my cookie? You always stole my food.”

“Not always, if you’re not looking, it doesn’t count as stealing, duh!”

“You’re such a douche.”

“Ooh I’ve got one. At Uni, I joined the BDSM society and pretty much attended orgies every week.”

“Holy hell, seriously? Is this when you would tell me you’re off to go swimming?!”

“Yes, I’ve never step foot inside the swimming pool there. Although I was actually a weird one, because I would only join in like once a month but I only became a watcher about a year in.”

“How come?”

“Because none of them were you.”

Shit. You should not have said that.

“Ok it’s my turn.” Hoseok began after a long pause. He let out a deep sigh, “I’ve been in love with you since I first laid eyes on you.”

You stopped dead in your tracks and stood to face him. You stood on your tiptoes to reach his ear. “My place is closer.”

✎ ✎

You were so close to climaxing, you thought you would pass out if you didn’t reach your orgasm soon. Somehow, Hobi sensed that you were close and began thrusting into you at a faster and harder pace. His hips rolled into yours effortlessly, you expected nothing less of the fantastic dancer. Your heart felt as if it would tire from beating too fast, and your hands balled fistfuls of your bedding. Soon enough, one final body roll was all it took for you to reach your high at an altitude beyond the heavens. You felt as if you had left the astral plane and ascended beyond comprehension and bodily existence. Whilst descending, you realised that Hobi was still pounding into you, using your high to fuel his own when later he too reached his limits. He collapsed on top of your back, using his forearms to stop himself from crushing you underneath his weight.

You wince at the feeling of him pulling out but you’re so exhausted, only sleep is on your mind. As Hobi goes to clean himself up, you curl up under your duvet, wearing your birthday suit. You’re sweaty and sticky from all the activities and wonder if you ought to shower now, but that thought soon leaves your head when Hobi slips in next to you. His arm snakes around your waist and brings it closer, so your hair tickles his chin. You slip a leg around him and hook your arm over the side of his chest.

“You know,” you begin as you lift your head to face him, “We’re merging with Google next week, I’ll get a raise and y’know… maybe you can live with me? I’ll get a bigger bed and maybe decent sheets and we can move closer to your studio, but I don’t think I can cook dinner every night because I can only boil pasta.” You rattle on faster than your speed of thought.

“Y/N…” Hobi begins with a bright smile. “Are you asking me to be your sugar baby?”

“Well, maybe. Unless you’re not down for that, which is totally cool with me.” You reply with exasperation.

“No, I’m fine to be whatever you need me to be. Sugar baby, husband, boyfriend, one night stand.” He listed.

“Well tonight… will you be my best friend?” You ask inquisitively.

“Forever.” He kisses your forehead as the two of you merge into each other, drifting off into a blissful slumber.

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